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#we skipped right over laughing and spontaneously launched into like a full 30 seconds of full body happy stimming
andthebeanstalk · 2 years
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Today my partner and I discussed getting matching shirts that say "the hot bitch I pulled by being autistic" and each shirt has an arrow that points to the other person.
#original#diary#today we were watching a great show and a moment happened that made us both so happy that we#we skipped right over laughing and spontaneously launched into like a full 30 seconds of full body happy stimming#before laughter could even come out. happy stimming happens when i am so happy i must do something even more joyful than laughing#and she finished before me and i was still going and she came up to me and hugged me and told me i am so cute when i stim#it is like. so cool to discover positive stimming#and as sad as it is i had to suppress it most of my life i not only have it now but i also have a partner who actively encourages it#bc someone who loves you delights in seeing your purest expression of joy and seeks to cultivate that.#she is kind to me always#i just wanna yell at everyone about how they are supposed to be treated bc i wish someone had told me#i wouldn't give up my autism for any material thing in existence bc then i would be steven without his gem#i can happy stim in front of so few people and i generally think of myself as so open. but there are times it is unsafe to stim#and times where that safety or lack of it is unclear. and so masking is an unfortunate but necessary thing#and i have WAY more freedom in dropping my mask than most people bc i am white.#and people of color - especially Black men in my country (guess which one.) - are not given nearly as much leeway by society#but that is a super heavy topic and i am high and it is midnight so we will come the fuck back to that#'do u read critical race theory?' 'nah i just read some white stoners tumblr tags.'#anyway go listen to other people who are smarter than me and also not white if you wanna learn about this topic more#autism positivity#i love my wife
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forzalando · 3 years
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dance with me | b.b.
pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader au: modern, non-avengers!au word count: 3.2k warnings: mentions of alcohol/drinking a/n: hello friends! i know i've been a bit inactive but inspiration struck for bucky so here is fluff with my actual baby
summary: Bucky is the best man at Steve and Peggy's wedding, and he's dreading giving the best man speech. All seems to be going incredibly well until Bucky sets his eyes on the most beautiful woman he's ever seen among the crowd of wedding guests.
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Bucky was nervous; how could he not be when in a few short moments he would have to make a speech in front of hundreds of people? Most of them were strangers which brought him a sliver of comfort, but there were still far too many familiar eyes at this massive wedding.
He had made it down the aisle by sheer, dumb luck, and thankfully stood at Steve’s side unwavering throughout the entire ceremony.
It was beautiful and surprisingly shorter than expected, but Bucky had little time to relish in that because the sooner everyone got to the reception, the sooner it would be time for him to make the best man speech.
As everyone piled out of their respective modes of transportation in front of the reception venue, Bucky felt a hand clap against his back and he lurched forward.
“Ready for your big moment, Barnes?”
Bucky rolled his eyes and turned to face his fellow groomsman Sam Wilson, a friend he made reluctantly through Steve, and brushed Sam’s arm off of his shoulder.
“You know, I think you’d be much better suited to make a speech. Your charisma, that effortless charm…tell me you don’t agree.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Barnes, and besides, I have my video camera fully charged and ready to record you. Might even put it on YouTube.”
Sam gave Bucky another pat on the back and walked briskly towards the reception, shamelessly flirting with every single female guest he passed by.
He figured there was no use in waiting, and Bucky quickly followed Sam towards the wedding party table. Bucky let out a sigh of relief when he saw that his nametag was placed between Steve’s and Thor’s; if he was sat next to Sam or Tony he might have run out of the ballroom before anyone had a chance to hand him a mic.
The celebration was already in full swing; Tony was on stage introducing the band and reminding everyone that the reception was fully equipped with an open bar, courtesy of Stark Industries as one of many wedding gifts to Steve and Peggy. Almost immediately, a server with a tray of champagne approached Bucky and held out a flute.
Bucky took it eagerly, downing one and grabbing another before the server made his way to others standing nearby. As the cool, sparkling liquid swished around in his mouth, Bucky caught Steve’s eye and walked quickly to catch up with him.
“I’ve barely seen you all day, how you holding up, Stevie?”
“It’s the happiest day of my life, Buck, I’m absolutely perfect. Peggy was looking for you, I told her I would find you with a champagne glass in hand. There’s nothing to be nervous about, Buck, hell, you can just make a toast and sit down in 30 seconds if you want.”
“No, no, I have notecards and everything. I vow that this will be the best, best man speech in history, even if Sam thinks I’m bound to screw up.”
“Yeah, I saw he brought a video camera,” Steve chuckled, his eyes scanning the crowd for Sam’s tall stature. “I still don’t understand how you can command a courtroom but you’re afraid of making the best man’s speech.”
“Simple; law is facts, best man speech is emotion. I’m great at facts, not so great at emotion. Case dismissed.”
Steve shook his head and laughed at his best friend’s corny sense of humor that permeated most of Bucky’s words. It was one of the reasons people were so drawn to him, but Bucky didn’t always feel the same pull towards other people.
“Well, it’s almost time for dinner, I’m off to get back to my wife,” Steve sighed adoringly. “My wife, can you believe that?”
“Yes, I’ve known this day would come since the moment you two met. I’ll see you at the table, punk.”
Bucky weaved his way through the crowds of people back to the wedding party table and wasn’t surprised to find that Sam had switched the name plates so that he was now in Thor’s seat. If he wasn’t so nervous, he might have even laughed, but Sam’s video camera peeking out from under the table brought a sickly feeling back to Bucky’s stomach. He quickly summoned a server and plucked another flute of champagne from the serving tray, quelling his nerves by finishing the glass in one gulp.
Soon enough, everyone was seated and plates were served. Despite the fact that there were hundreds of people in the room, it felt homey. Everyone was chattering lively and Bucky found himself doubled over when Sam choked on a green bean and launched it halfway across the room when he coughed it up.
Halfway through dessert, Bucky felt Steve rise from his seat and then heard the faint tapping of silverware on Steve’s wine glass.
“Peggy and I are unbelievably blessed to have you all here with us today. We couldn’t be happier than to share and celebrate our love with all of you, our friends and family.”
“You wouldn’t know it, because I kept it very well hidden, but I knew there was something special about Steve from the moment I met him, and I had always dreamed that one day we would be here,” Peggy spoke assuredly. “I’d love to take the next few hours to talk about Steve, but my cousin and my maid of honor, Sharon, would like to make a toast.”
In all honesty, Bucky couldn’t hear a word of Sharon’s speech. His heart rate was impossibly high, high enough for his smart watch to notify him that he seemed to be in distress, and he stared blankly ahead until he felt Steve stand up again.
“And now, my best man, my best friend, my brother, Bucky, also has a few words he would like to share.”
It happened in slow motion; Steve sitting down and Bucky rising simultaneously. He pulled his notecards from his jacket pocket, while Sam slipped the video camera out from under the table, and took a deep breath, hoping to calm his heartbeat.
“The night Steve and Peggy met, way back when we were freshmen in college, I told Steve that he was going to marry her. I know he didn’t believe me because, believe it or not, he wasn’t always the buff, handsome guy you see before you. But, Steve’s always had a heart of gold, and I know that Peggy saw his heart that night. For those that know how they met, you know what I’m talking about, and for those that don’t, well, I’ll save Steve the embarrassment since it is his wedding day and I’m supposed to be nice to him.”
Bucky heard laughter across the room, and he stood a little taller and raised his gaze to look into the crowd as he flipped to his next notecard.
“When I think about true love, I think about the perseverance that one half of this perfect couple portrayed just to get a first date. I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t Steve. It was brutal watching Peggy flirt with this man and Steve never realized until one day Peg just planted one right on him, signature red lipstick and all. I’ll tell ya, I’ve never seen Stevie smile bigger in his life, except for maybe earlier today when Tony, ordained minister for the day, pronounced him and Peg husband and wife.”
The laughter continued and Bucky let his eyes wander across the room before they landed on a table not too far from his own, where a woman sat with her legs crossed and a dreamy smile on her perfect face.
Bucky quickly looked away before she noticed his staring, and flipped another card.
“It’s been many years since those puppy-love college days, but through every trial, every hardship, I’ve only seen their love grow infinitely stronger. It is a true – ”
Bucky’s voice cut off as his eyes landed once again on the captivating stranger; his eyes fixated on the curve of her lip and the way her eyelashes fluttered gently across her cheekbones as she blinked.
He cleared his throat and began again.
“It is a true…a true…please forgive me, but I can’t focus on this speech when the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen is sitting right in this room.”
Sam clapped a hand over his mouth, stifling his own laughter so that he didn’t mess up the sound on the recording.
“Table…ten? I think that’s table ten. The Y/H/C woman in the pale blue dress, please, please allow me the pleasure of knowing your name.”
The mystery woman straightened up immediately, a look of embarrassment crossing her face as she looked around her to see if there was, by chance, another Y/H/C woman wearing a blue dress, but of course there wasn’t.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to yell, I’ll be right there,” Bucky spoke into the mic before hopping over the table and hastening towards table ten.
Sam could no longer contain his laughter, and Peggy stared at Steve in bewilderment, shocked at Bucky’s actions. She hadn’t known him to act like this in years, ever since Dot broke his heart their senior year of college he’d lost that romantic and spontaneous side to him.
Bucky settled in the empty seat next to the stranger and flashed her a boyish, charming smile; extending his hand out for her to shake.
“My name is James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”
“Y/N Y/L/N,” she spoke as she took Bucky’s hand gently. “It’s, uh, it’s nice to meet you, but don’t you have a speech to get back to?”
“You’re absolutely right, I’ll find you later.”
Bucky gingerly lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, watching as her Y/E/C eyes grew wide in shock. He quickly ran off before she had time to say another word and made his way back to the wedding party table with a skip in his step.
Sam handed Bucky back his mic, offering him a wink and a sly smile.
“I apologize for the brief interruption,” Bucky breathed out, “but I had to know her name. It’s Y/N, by the way, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Before I laid eyes on her I was about to tell you all how Peggy and Steve will make it through everything, because their love is the truest love I’ve ever seen. They build each other up, love each other through faults and mistakes, and the way they look at each other is truly sickening in the most heartwarming of ways. I love you both more than anything. Congratulations to my favorite people in the world!”
Bucky lifted his glass and encouraged the guests to lift theirs as well, toasting to the newlywed couple in unison. Once he had taken a sip and everyone set their glasses down on their respective tables, Bucky sat down in his seat and let out a dramatic sigh.
“Man, you were better than I could have ever hoped for,” Sam snickered as he replayed the footage to see Bucky catapult himself over the table one more time. But, Bucky was paying him no attention.
“Steve, do you know her? Why haven’t you ever introduced me?” Bucky hounded his best friend as Steve tried his best to keep a straight face.
“I have no idea who she is, Buck. Peg, do you know her?”
“She looks familiar but I can’t put my finger on it…maybe she’s someone’s plus one?”
Bucky’s shoulders slumped in defeat, of course she had come here with someone, and he had made a fool of himself in front of the entire reception.
A snort of laughter could be heard from over Peggy’s shoulder and Sharon leaned forward trying to repress her giggles.
“Y/N came with me! That guy I’ve been seeing, he got called on a last minute business trip and couldn’t come but I’d already RSVP’d as two plates, so I asked Peggy if it was ok if I brought someone else. Y/N works with me at the hospital, she’s a peds nurse and the sweetest person in the world.”
Bucky sat up straight almost instantly, a giddy smile crossing his face.
“So, she’s single?”
“I mean, I think so, she’s never mentioned anyone – ”
“Great, thank you, Sharon, I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.”
Once again, Bucky ran across the room and found himself at table ten. This time, there was no empty seat next to Y/N, so Bucky kneeled on the floor in front of her and watched her eyes grow wide as they did before.
“Bucky,” she whispered, “what are you doing?”
“Will you dance with me?”
“There’s no music, everyone is still finishing up dessert, plus Peggy and Steve haven’t had their first dance and…you’re not going to leave until I say yes, are you?”
“No, you can say no. I just have this feeling that you don’t want to.”
Y/N smiled at the handsome man kneeling before her; his bright blue eyes fixed on her face as he awaited her answer with baited breath.
“Yes, I’ll dance with you. But not until Steve and Peggy have their first dance.”
“Of course, Y/N, I’m not a heathen, I know how wedding customs work.”
Bucky held out a hand and helped Y/N to her feet. She expected him to drop it once she was standing, but his sweaty palm, which she found adorable, stayed clasped in her own as he turned towards the table at the front of the room.
“HEY STEVE,” Bucky shouted. “Y/N WON’T DANCE WITH ME UNTIL YOU AND PEG HAVE YOUR FIRST DANCE, DO YOU KNOW WHEN THAT’S SCHEDULED TO HAPPEN?”
Y/N watched as Steve helped Peggy from her seat and they glided towards the dance floor, their eyes never leaving one another.
The dulcet tones of Frank Sinatra rang through the speakers in the ballroom; a fitting choice for Steve and Peggy as they had always been sort of old fashioned. Their love was timeless, ageless, and seemed to be from a different era.
Bucky watched Y/N’s eyes as they followed Steve and Peggy sway across the dance floor, their smiles and gazes only for each other. After a few seconds, Bucky saw Steve look away from Peggy and search the crowd. Finally, Steve’s gaze landed on Bucky and he gave him a nod, asking him to join him on the dance floor.
He tightened his grip on Y/N’s hand and urged her towards the open space in the middle of the massive room.
“Bucky, I’m nervous, are you sure this ok?”
“Lovely, never, never change,” Bucky sang along to the music as they continued walking towards the dance floor.
“Seriously, Bucky, no one else is out here except for the bridge and groom!”
“…Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight,” Bucky continued singing.
Y/N looked over at Steve and Peggy to see them smiling at her, encouraging her to take her place on the floor with Bucky, so she moved just a bit faster and pulled Bucky as close to her as possible while the light baritone voice of Sinatra faded out.
“Are you ready, doll?”
“For what?”
A familiar opening guitar riff replaced the jazz from before and Y/N laughed as Bucky adjusted his stance and gripped her hands tightly.
“For this crazy little thing called love.”
Within seconds, Bucky was swinging Y/N around the dance floor and their laughter filled the air.
More guests started raiding the dance floor, but all Y/N could see was Bucky’s smiling face as they twirled around the dance floor in the most rudimentary version of a swing dance the world had ever seen.
All too fast, the song began to end and an upbeat, modern pop song took over the Queen classic. Instead of pulling him towards the mosh pit quickly forming in the middle of the dance floor, orchestrated by Sam no doubt, Y/N headed towards the nearest exit with Bucky in tow.
They stepped out into the cool night air in some sort of patio garden, and Y/N groaned at how perfect the setting was as her night had already played out akin to a cheesy romance movie.
“What are we doing out here, doll?”
“I just wanted a moment alone with the man who embarrassed me in front of hundreds of people at my best friend’s cousin’s wedding.”
“Y/N, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have been so – ”
“Relax, Bucky,” she giggled as she placed a hand on his cheek. “I’m just messing with you. But, I would like to know what this whole stunt is about, however sweet it may be.”
“Stunt? Honestly, I’m not sure, I just know that I saw you and couldn’t form any coherent thoughts afterwards. I still can’t.”
“So this was all spur of the moment, on a whim, trying to impress the pretty stranger at your best friend’s wedding?”
“That about sums it up, trying to impress the stunning stranger at my best friend’s wedding.”
“Bucky Barnes, you are so corny.”
“Only for you, doll, I haven’t felt this way in so long. What are you doing tomorrow night? Sharon said you work with her at the hospital, I don’t know your schedule or, or if you even want to go out with me but, God, I’d love to take you out.”
Y/N looked at the hopeful look on Bucky’s face, at the sparkle in his eyes, and she felt her heart lurch inside her chest. Whatever feeling Bucky was describing, she could only dream that it was the same way she was feeling right now.
“I’m sort of tied up every night this week…but I’m free next weekend? If you don’t mind waiting that long.”
“I would wait forever if I had to,” Bucky grinned as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Y/N’s cheek.
She grabbed his hand once more and they walked back into the reception hall, acutely aware that many pairs of eyes were watching them as they crossed the room.
“I’ve got to go ask Sharon to introduce me to Peggy, I actually haven’t officially met her yet but,” Y/N paused and her gaze fell to the ground, a sudden nervousness overcoming her. “I’ll come find you later? Maybe? If you’d like to dance with me again?”
“I’ll save all my dances for you, angel, don’t you worry.”
Y/N smiled so brightly at Bucky he swore his heart might stop, and he watched her walk away in a trance-like state until an arm being slung around his shoulders broke him out of it.
“I think you’re going to marry her,” Steve said mockingly, recalling the memory of a situation reversed so many years ago.
“Unlike you,” Bucky teased, “I’m not in denial. I know I’m going to marry her.”
marvel/bucky taglist: @weelittleweasley @gredmforge @vogueweasley @kaye-lantern @emeraldbears20 @barnesjamcs @thisuserlovesyouandyouandyou @fallingforyou123 @vivacesole@raiaurii @phoenixes-and-wizards @gloryekaterina @hannahmeyer1999 @belladonnabarnes @beautyschoo1dropout @loonylovegood13 @saara-sanders @le-weasley-simp @swiftss@omghufflepuff (if your URL has strikethrough, i was unable to tag you!)
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