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literatikoo · 3 years

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Lane Kim deserved better

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I would only write Lane Kim meta when I am very very angry because I need to be powered by spite and petty energy to unravel exactly how much of a disservice this show was to Lane and by extension any Asian kid with a similar life. And, well, it's happening now, so buckle up kids, this is going to be a loooong ride because I have a lot to say.

Before we start on the negative aspects, the show got a lot of things about Lane right, which is why I care so much about her character. Yes, ASP obviously didn't know how to write a POC experience and it's seen in the way some very harmful stereotypes were propagated (the tiger mom trope, Mrs Kim's religious beliefs, the depiction of the Kim extended family etc) but at the same time Lane was beautifully written as a character, unlike her plot which left much to be desired. Lane Kim was an Asian girl with rock n roll dreams who had an extremely fraught relationship with her mother and had to fight for even a semblance of independence. And I hate to say it but a lot of daughters of Asian households are forced to hide a part of themselves from their families, so Lane's story was authentic.

Not only was Lane amazing as an individual, she was also a great friend. She was the only one who was really in Rory's corner; she never judged her and supported all of Rory's relationships (my favourite example of this is when she barely tolerated Jess in S2/3 and then did a complete 180 like 5 episodes later, all because Rory decided to finally accept she liked him). Lane never pointed out what Rory was doing wrong not because she was afraid of doing so but because the two of them had been friends for years and Lane believed that Rory would figure it out one day. Lane shows this unconditional kindness not only to Rory but to everyone. She takes in her Korean cousin and teaches her to have fun even when she's afraid that Mrs Kim has replaced her, she lets Gil be in the band because she empathises with him, she takes care of the band and prevents it from breaking up multiple times. And these are only a few examples of Lane being the kindest character on GG.

One of the best things in Gilmore Girls is that the most unproblematic, amazing guy is given to Lane. Dave Rygalski is the best love interest on the show hands down (Sorry to my boy Jess but Dave was LEAGUES ahead of him at 17) and Lane definitely deserved someone like that. Their story was adorable and I would have loved for them to be endgame. However, what grates me is that when I see people talking about Lane "deserving better," it's usually about Dave vs Zach. When Lane actually deserved better as a WHOLE and not only in terms of love interests. I always thought it made more sense for her to end up alone at the end of the og series. Because Lane was a person who craved independence and she was not going to get that while tied to some guy (even if that guy is boyfriend extraordinaire, Dave Rygalski). It's even worse when we see that Lane is the only female character on the show to be treated this way. Rory rejects marriage for her career while Lane ends up with marriage as her storyline. Lorelai and Luke get back together but their relationship is still left open ended, though arguably it would've made more sense if they got married when Lane and Zach did. Paris gets into Harvard Medical school and gets a great relationship, similarly Sookie gets the family she wanted and continues to be amazing at her job. But Lane... god Lane is the only one without an open ending, without any space for speculation of where her life might lead her. Not only did they marry her off, they also gave her a terrible first time and twins, effectively locking her to Stars Hollow. The show even cut down all hope of her being a rock n roll mom as one of her S7 storylines is choosing the kids over going on tour with Zach. She doesn't get to be her own person for more than ONE season; she's stuck with being a daughter and then a wife and then a mother.

Something else that angers me about Lane's storyline is that we never really get to see how badly her relationship with her mom affects her. Don't get me wrong, I adore Mrs Kim's redemption arc and I think it was beautifully juxtaposed to Lorelai and Rory's crumbling relationship, but having a mother like that is hard. Not only did Lane have to hide 90% of her personality from Mrs Kim but she also lived with the fact that one day she might have to choose between her dreams and her mother. In the end, Mrs Kim makes that choice for her and deals with it by kicking Lane out in S4, and yet we never really see how that negatively affects Lane. Hell, Jess acts like a broody teen for two seasons, Rory wastes six months of her life away at the DAR and they both come out of it successfully. Lane gets kicked out, figures out her own living conditions, gets a job, works insanely hard for her band and... ends up having to give her dreams up completely.

Lane and Paris shared a lot of similarities too, even if they both had different friendships with Rory. They both came from terrible families and looked to Lorelai as a mother figure, they both cared deeply for Rory, and they were both incredibly passionate about their careers. Paris made calendars and flashcards and went crazy studying for both pre med and pre law. Lane was a walking, talking music encyclopaedia, she bought CDs obsessively and organised them by genre under her floorboards, she taught herself to play the drums and then found a band to play for. And yet... only Paris becomes successful in the end, whereas Lane takes over Kim's antiques. Lane was still a musician in AYITL and she can be rock n roll even with kids but this is all hypothetical and we never see it on the show.

There is a lot of terrible, lazy writing on the show and a lot of characters get ruined because of it but with Lane, her character stays the same, they just ruin everything else for her. I think she'll be an amazing mom and will probably make her best out of doing music casually. But the writers also took something so special and destroyed it just because Lane stopped being as important to the plot as she was in seasons 1-3. Lane and Rory drifting a little after Rory leaves for Yale makes perfect sense, that's just how relationships are, always changing. And yet as Lane's importance to Rory decreased so did her importance to the writers.

Lane wasn't the kind of character that needed character development or a redeeming character arc- she was never a bad person and nothing about her had to be fixed, unlike Jess or even Paris. All she really needed was for her dreams to come true because for the first 4 seasons her dreams were the biggest fixture of her personality. Like how Jess needed to overcome his trauma and Rory needed to figure out where she fit in and Paris needed to become a girlboss, Lane needed to realise her dreams because that's where her arc was leading her. But it just didn't happen. Instead, Lane becomes 2-dimensional; a large part of her screentime is taken up by Zach problems, her dreams fall flat and she becomes tied to Stars Hollow for the rest of her life. Not to mention we see less of Lane in favour of Logan and the dickhead posse.

This is not me hating on all the other characters I've mentioned in this meta, I'm just pointing out the lack of respect the writers have for Lane in comparison to all these other people who fulfilled the role they were made for. Why would you write Lane to have all these dreams and make her struggle so hard for 4 seasons just to smash them to pieces? And why is it that one of the only POC characters on this show is treated like this?

And you can't tell me the writers didn't know what they were doing, not when this is a direct quote from Lane in S7:

"It was such a small window -- a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then -- slam. All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zach. I barely got the chance to be a person."

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls meta #lane kim #lane kim meta #mrs kim #rory gilmore #jess mariano #lorelai gilmore #paris geller #lane x dave #amy sherman palladino #anti lane x zach #anti zach van gerbig #in the end paris and rory got a lot of their opportunities because they are rich privileged white women #and if lane got opportunities like that she would’ve grown wildly successful #i always saw paris as a raging lesbian #and yet!! her and doyle's divorce meant less to me than zach and lane's

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writerbuddha · 3 years

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Hey

Your blog is interesting. I do see where you're coming from in regards to Buddhism attachment and the Jedi and stuff. I do agree about them having no choice but to enter the war because of the implications. Although the Clones are legally slaves as they are considered possessions of the State. The Jedi might have respected them and not persoanlly enslaved them, but neither fact changes their status. However, I can see the other side as well. I understand why people have an issue with the whole "attachment" thing and how its applied. I mean the Jedi are in the right for joining the Clone Wars, despite the status of Clones, yet Anakin is bad and wicked and selfish and greedy for wanting to help his enslaved mom. The implication that leaving her to rot in slavery or die alone, scared and in agony at the hands of the Tuskens was the more "moral" or Jedi thing to do is very problematic for a lot of people. Or, the idea that he should have left his 14 year old Padawan to suffocate under rubble because rescuing her means he's "selfish and greedy" is similarly problematic. I think that both run contrary to the ethical code that many of us are raised with. The idea that you should help people, especially children, no matter what and never turn your back on a friend.

Sorry if this is a long ask and I don't mean to offend anyone.

Hey!

You said nothing offensive. I hear you.

That’s run contrary to my ethical code as well.

Anakin wasn’t bad, wicked or selfish or greedy for wanting to help his mom, leaving her in slavery wasn’t a moral or a Jedi thing to do at all. Nor that he should have left Ahsoka to die, wanting to rescue he wasn’t made him selfish. What you described is, at full extent, falls into the category of compassion, non-attached love. And that is genuine love, wanting others to be happy and free from suffering, covering what you described, helping people, especially children, no matter what and never turn your back on a friend.

I firmly believe the “attachment” thing is problematic because the majority of fans are not fully aware of the meaning of the concept. Attachment as George Lucas described it is inability to let go, possession, owning, having, getting, grasping, holding on. This is identical to the Buddhist use of the term. Because reality is temporary, things will come, things will go, everything is temporary. People, beauty, youth, money, everything will slide, at one time, they are in your life, and in the other time they move away from you. While they are in your life, love them. But you can’t attach to them in the other meaning of the word: “fastening” and an “external part attached to perform a particular function.” You must learn to let go, because if you can’t do it, you and your loved one both going to suffer. And the problem with attachment is that it’s always about you, it’s more the love of the self than the love of the beloved. You want to keep people around, because they make you happy. You won’t lose them because then you will suffer from you not having them. And this is why it is selfish and greedy. And because we all want everlasting joy, if you are attached, you will become afraid of losing your attachments, and it will lead you on a very dark path, ending in hate. And you will suffer, because you will spend your life being afraid, being angry, hateful. And that’s what Yoda was talking about, and that’s what they sensed in him about Shmi: “You afraid of losing her.” And that’s what Luminara said to him in that Clone Wars episode: “It’s not that I gave up, Skywalker, but unlike you, when the time comes, I am prepared to let my student go. Can you say the same?”

Listen to how Lars and Anakin say their final goodbye to Shmi: Lars last words to her: “Thank you.” Anakin’s last words to her: “I miss you so much.”

Whereas Shmi had non-attached love: her love for Anakin wasn’t how happy he makes her, but how happy Anakin is. And that’s why she was able to let him go. I’m always saying, Shmi is a “lay Jedi”.

Luminara is “at ease” when Barriss life is in danger, but I think it’s very important to notice that she always saying, she didn’t want Barriss to die, or she doesn’t care or she gave up. That’s why I don’t like Dave Filioni’s take on that episode, but he said it’s his personal reading, so I respect it. But I disagree. The problem is that many of us were almost encouraged to panic or fall to atoms in times like this, and the majority of movies and tv shows are outright glorifying hysteria as a measure of love. Ahsoka and Barriss wasn’t saved because Anakin started to run around in full panic mode, but because Ahsoka was able to come up with a plan. Luminara wasn’t giving up, nor she didn’t care that much about Barriss, but she accepted the fact that they might be too late, so she started to prepare herself for the worst. “If my Padawan has perished, I will mourn her, but I will celebrate her as well through her memory.”

The Jedi are trained to love people, but not to get attached to them, which is non-attachment – compassion. When you are compassionate, your love for your loved one, their happiness, their freedom from suffering gives you the feeling of being complete, gives you joy. And this is everlasting, because death can interrupt having, but not love. So it’s saying, I love you, so I want you to be free from suffering and I want you to be happy.” It’s genuine concern for others, manifesting itself in active engagement. But there is no fear of you losing, because you don’t have. When you love people, you won’t be afraid. You will be concerned for them, but that’s entirely focused on them, not on yourself. You can’t fear of the pain you will experience when you losing them. That’s a selfish desire for you keeping things and people who bring you joy. Attachment will make you afraid, what will make you hate and suffer.

And this kind of love can extend to all beings, even to their enemies. "don't lose a thousand lives just to save one" however, doesn't mean you must sacrifice your loved ones for the sake of others. The key is always that you should act out of compassion. Not out of fear of losing, the fear of not having.

Why the Jedi didn’t go to Tatooine to liberate slaves, that’s another question, but not because Anakin wasn’t allowed to care about his mother. A Jedi is a negotiator, ambassador, who is not going to war. They were not going to war until Attack of the Clones, as Lucas said, because they are not aggressive force. I always saw that their logic is that If they would go to Tatooine and liberate all slaves, they would have to fight a war against Jabba, pirates, the hutts, the crime empires etc. That’s not what they do. They did it once with Zygerria, but back then they weren’t alone, the Republic actually wanted to uphold its values, they made Zygerria to comply. But with the Republic corrupted, the Jedi wasn’t enough at all to uphold peace and justice. If the Republic would have function properly, they would enforce their laws on Tatooine, but the Republic didn’t care about them, so they didn’t have the support to function, too. They were overwhelmed, and they are not super people. Without the Republic, they go to Tatooine, defeat Jabba, then leave to help others. When they come back, there is a new Jabba, because free people on Tatooine didn’t really care and the Republic didn’t really care. All what happens is that they lose lives. But with the Clone Wars, all the galaxy caught fire, so they had to go to war anyway.

I am more than willing to accept that the Jedi wasn’t perfect, and I have to admit, I am glad to see that when people believe they advocated abandoning friends or family, they reject them so fiercely. But I can't help but think, their morals, choices and situations are often misunderstood. For example, I can't find any good reason why the Jedi wouldn't want to pursue the Senate to give the clones citizenship when the war was over. On the contrary. Their portrayal requires them to do so. Like Lucas said, they had good intentions, and they are going to war to save as many as they can. In the Clone Wars, you can see they care about clones as much as they care for non-clones.

Sorry for the even longer reply! XD I hope it's useful.

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atlafan · 4 years

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Night Shift - One Shot

a/n: back at it again with another Halloween themed fic! This was inspired by an ask requesting Harry and Y/N both work/meet in the ER. Slight twist on it, but I hope you like it! Reblogs and feedback are super helpful! (not proofread)

Warnings: friends to lovers, smut at the end

Words: 6.8K

Becoming a doctor took a lot of hard work dedication. Countless sleepless nights, a large debt to pay back, finding a hospital to become a resident in, and countless seminars to go to, to make sure all practices were up to date. At first, Y/N hated working the graveyard shift. She rarely got to see friends or family, she was getting minimal amounts of sleep because, let’s face it, sleeping during the day never worked out the way you wanted it to. However, she stopped minding it so much when one of the nicest nurses took his turn on the overnight shifts.

Nurse Styles was usually the voice of reason. He could calm any patient down, and the kids in pediatrics loved him. He always had a lollypop ready to go. All of the nurses took turns with the different shifts so it was fair for everyone. He had heard of Dr. Y/L/N, but had never met her. She was newer to the hospital, a white coat, but still baby-faced. Harry really enjoyed being a nurse, he didn’t want to be the person in there doing surgery, but he liked being able to get things started, and ease someone into the more difficult things. He had a way of administering bad news, and easing the pain from it. His broad shoulders were perfect for crying on, and if it was a kid he needed to prep for getting their appendix out, he held their hand the entire way to the operating room.

Y/N was just getting in, putting her things in her breakroom cubby when Harry walked in. He smiles at her, and she smiles back as he also puts his things away.

“Chilly out there tonight.” He says as he puts his scrubs on over his long sleeve under armor. She only looked for a second, his arm muscles were certainly defined. “I don’t think we’ve properly met yet, I’m Harry.” He extends her hand and she takes it.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.”

“Well, Y/N, lucky for you I’ll be your nurse for the next couple of months.”

“You seem a little too chipper about working overnight.” She chuckles as she gets her white coat on and stethoscope around her neck.

“I don’t mind it.” He shrugs. “A lot of the other nurses have spouses and kids they rarely get to see, so it’s only fair I take my turn on the overnight stuff. I usually take it this time of year anyways.”

“Why’s that?”

“The Halloween crazies start trickling towards the end of September. Think the staff likes having me as extra muscle or whatever.”

Her face pales as she looks at him. She had completely forgotten about Halloween. Last year she worked during the day, but she had heard about all of the nonsense from the entire weekend. Drunk people needing their stomach pumped, car wrecks, people on drugs, etc.

“So, what’s your specialty? You’re not a surgeon are you?” He breaks her from her trance.

“No, I’m not a surgeon, just a regular old doctor. I almost ended up in maternity like a lot of female doctors, but it wasn’t for me.” They both walk into the main area so they can get briefed for the night.

Harry says hello to the other nurses at the desk, and he takes his seat to login into the computer. There was another doctor on the overnight shifts, Dr. Gilles, and Y/N really couldn’t stand him. He was one of those doctors who was sort of rude to the nurses because he had been at the hospital for a while, but he was handsome so a lot of them didn’t even care. He would flirt with Y/N when he’d get the chance, but she didn’t really like it. She’d seen Scrubs, she didn’t need the drama that comes with hooking up with a coworker. Not to mention the guy was, like, forty, and she was only pushing thirty. To some that may not be a big age difference, but it weirded her out nonetheless. It weirded her out more when he’d catch her flirting with some of the younger nurses.

“Evening everyone.” Dr. Gilles. “He says as he walks up to the desk. “Quiet so far?”

“Pretty much.” Nurse Halleran says. “Hope it stays that way. You’ve got a couple of people you just need to check in on.” She hands him a few charts and he nods as he takes them. “How are you, Dr. Y/L/N?”

“Good.” She says as she looks over her cuticles. She feels his eyes burn into her, and she fiddles with some of the pens on the desk. “Nurse Styles, back on the graveyard, huh?”

“Yup.” Harry says with a fake smile. He also did not like Dr. Gilles. He felt protective over the other nurses, and none of them felt uncomfortable by Dr. Gilles, but he was a married man who openly flirted with people, and that kind of behavior just didn’t fly with Harry. “Dr. Y/L/N, one of your patients needs their vitals checked. Young thing, coming down from a bladder and kidney infection.”

“Alright, let’s go.” Harry hands her the chart and she looks it over as they walk to where the patient was sleeping.

Bethany Martin, ten years old, bladder and kidney infection. Another doctor wanted to size her up for an appendix removal, but it was Y/N that discovered that it wasn’t the child’s appendix. The girl had told her the pain had moves from the front of her stomach, to her side, and then to her back. She got major brownie points from the administration for making that catch.

Her and Harry slowly go into the room. Her father was sleeping in one of the fold out chairs provided. He wakes up when he hears the door open.

“Hello, Mr. Martin.” Y/N whispers with a smile. “We’re just going to check on Beth’s vitals, see how her fever’s doing, alright?”

“Sure thing, thank you.” He stands up and goes over to his daughter to help her wake up a little.

“Hmm.” The girl slowly opens her eyes, and then she smiles when she sees Y/N. See, Beth was scared that she was going to get cut open, so she was beyond grateful that she didn’t have to have surgery. “Hello.” She says sleepily.

“Hi, sweetheart, I need to check a few things, would that be alright?” Y/N asks.

“Yes.”

“Hi, Beth, how’s your IV feeling in that hand?” Harry asks her.

“It’s itchy, Nurse Harry.”

He smiles at her. A lot of the kids would call him that instead of Nurse Styles, he thought it was sweet.

“Think we should switch it to your other hand then.”

“Why’s it in her hand and not in her arm?” Y/N questions.

“We had a tough time…this one likes to pull away.” Harry explains and winks at Beth which makes her giggle.

Y/N let’s Harry switch out the IV. She lets Beth hold her hand as she winces from the needle. Once he’s done, Y/N checks everything else. She has Beth roll onto her stomach so she can feel around her back.

“I haven’t been as achy.” Beth says as she gets settled on her back once more. “It still hurts a little though.”

“Mm, I bet. Took us a bit to figure things out with you, but you seem to be doing a lot better. Should only need to be here for another few days. We’ll come back to check on you later this morning.”

“Thank you.” She snuggles back into her blankets and slowly falls back asleep.

Mr. Martin thanks Y/N and Harry before they leave, and she they both go to wash their hands at one of the sink stations.

“Nurse Harry, huh? Do all the little girls call you that?” Y/N smirks.

“Why, jealous?” He bumps his hip to hers before grabbing a paper towel to dry his hands. She rolls her eyes at him, and he chuckles. “The kids just tend to call me that, I don’t mind it.”

“It must ease them a bit more to be on a first name basis, I should remember that. I hate seeing kids in pain, I’m glad she’s doing better.”

“I know it sucks, but I actually like working with the kids more. They at least listen to us. Some of these adult patients…they fight us on every little thing sometimes.” They make their way back to the desk.

“Dr. Y/L/N?” Nurse Stevens says to her. “I’m going on a coffee run, would you like anything?”

“You’re an angel, yes”, she reaches into her pocket for some loose singles, “just a regular with a little cream, no sugar, thank you.”

“Harry?” She says to him.

“Brought my thermos, but thanks Ellie.” He smiles at her and she nods before going on her way.

“She’s the best, I’ve worked with her during the day before.” Y/N says to Harry.

“Yeah, Ellie and I came on together.”

“Oh, really?”

Harry hums his response as he types some notes into the computer. Harry and Ellie had a bit of a past, nothing serious, but they had hooked up on occasion. Being a nurse meant working a lot of long days, and that left little room for a social life or companionship. They may or may not have taken advantage of the beds in the room adjacent to the breakroom a few times, but that was a year or so ago. She had started seeing someone, so they ended things amicably.

“Why just the cream and no sugar?” He asks to change the subject.

“Well, for a while I was doing the keto thing, which is absolute rubbish and I never should have done it, but I got into the habit of not adding sugar to things. I don’t like the taste of black coffee, it’s too bitter, so the cream helps. I don’t miss the sugar, in fact, I can’t stand really sugary drinks in general.”

“Why’d you do the keto in the first place?”

“Oh, I was looking to lose some weight before a wedding I had to go to. I was a bridesmaid so I just wanted to look nice in the pictures, you know? It works when you stick to it, but as soon as I stopped I gained most of it back. Deprivation diets are never a good idea, and I knew it, but did it anyways because it was a quick way to do things.” He goes to say something, but decides against it. Her head tilts as she can tell he’s withholding something. “Go ahead, tell me as a doctor it was stupid of me to jump on a fad diet.” She sighs and leans on the tall desk.

“No, I was just going to say…” He blushes slightly. “Well, I just feel bad that you thought you needed to lose any weight because you…well…you must know how beautiful you are as is.”

She stands up straight. She literally just met this man tonight, what was going on? Just as she was about to say something, Ellie comes back with the coffee.

“Here you go.” She smiles.

“Oh, thank you.” Y/N takes the coffee. “I’m gonna go take a walk to the other nurse’s station, see how they’re doing. Page me if you need anything.”

Harry watches her walk away and he groans with his head in his hands.

“Don’t tell me.” Ellie smirks. “You have a crush on Dr. Y/L/N…shocking.” Ellie giggles and rolls her eyes.

“I just met her, I don’t have a crush on her. But I may have just said something inappropriate.”

“You?!” Ellie was shocked. “Harry, you’re, like, the nicest person I know. What did you say?”

“I just told her she was beautiful.”

“It’s not like it’s a lie, she’s rather pretty. Seems to take care of herself. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially on these shifts.”

“I know! It just felt weird after I said it. I don’t wanna be like Dr. Gilles, you know?”

“Please.” She scoffs. “You’re nothing like him.”

Y/N does her nightly rounds, checking on her various patients. A few people come in that need to be checked right away, but other than that things were quiet. Around six in the morning she and Harry go to check on little Beth again.

“Definitely only need you here another couple of nights. Keep getting those fluids in, and this fever will go away in no time.” Y/N says.

The girl nods at her tiredly before falling back asleep. Y/N helps out with some last minute patients before going to the breakroom to change. Harry was in there taking his shirt off. She tries not to stare as he pulls a sweatshirt on over himself. She wouldn’t have minded a few more moments to examine his tattoos. She knew he had a few just from his left hand alone, but shit, he had them all over his chest and stomach!

“Well, see you tonight. Hope you can get some sleep.” Harry says to her.

“Same to you.” She smiles and goes into her locker.

“I hope, uh, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable earlier in the night…” He rubs the back of his neck.

“You didn’t, it’s fine…I’m just one of those people that has a tough time taking a compliment. Um, it happened to me in school a lot too, like, if someone told me I was smart or something, you know?”

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.”

“I appreciate that, Harry, thank you.”

He nods and heads out. On his way home he realizes he’s far too awake to be able to fall asleep, so when he gets into his flat he takes a sleeping pill, and nestles down with a cup of tea while he watches a little TV. Once his eyes feel tired he heads to bed, getting cozy under his blankets, and eventually passing out.

Y/N does something similar. She definitely takes a sleeping pill before jumping into a warm shower. She pulls her blackout curtains, and gets into bed. Her eyelids feel heavier and heavier as she listens to a podcast, and she slowly falls asleep.

Things went on like that for the next couple of weeks. Harry would often assist Y/N on her rounds. He liked that she wasn’t one of those snooty doctors that discounted the nurses, she really seemed to value their opinions, even consulting with them when she needed to. They became fast friends too, often eating together or taking coffee breaks at the same time. She learned that Harry was a couple of years younger than her, and he had been at this hospital for around five years. He explained he liked working at a hospital rather than a smaller practice so he could help more people, and she said she felt the same way.

“Maybe when I’m, like fifty, I’ll settle and open up my own practice. But only because I might not have the same spring in my step.” She chuckles as they both sit and enjoy some coffee.

“You can really sprint when you need to! You were incredible when that guy came in with that allergic reaction the other night.”

“I was internally freaking out the whole time to be honest with you. I was glad to have you there to help me intubate him.”

“Feel like I can do that with my eyes closed now.” He laughs and finishes his warm drink. “I hate to be one of those people, but you’re looking a little tired tonight.”

“Oh, that’s because I never left this morning. I worked all day, took a nap, and then got right back on it.”

“Y/N, that’s not okay. You can’t do your job properly if you’re tired.”

“I know, but we were short staffed, and I was only going to stay a couple of hours, but I got wrapped up with a couple of people. I’m fine, honest, I’ll have a good sleep when I get home later.”

“Shit like that used to happen to me all the time. I’d work sixteen hour days, and then they’d yell at me because I was getting so much overtime, and I’d tell them to hire more bloody people then. It was infuriating. Then you think the place is gonna fall apart without you when you finally do get some time off.”

“Literally! I think that’s why I got stuck here for so long. I have the next couple of days off, though, so I’m looking forward to that.”

“Yeah? Any big plans?”

“No.” She scoffs. “Not unless you consider binging a fuck ton of television while eating a gallon of ice cream big plans.”

“Depends on the show, what’s on the docket to be binged?”

“I’ve been meaning to sit down and watch Ratched. I’ve heard some mixed reviews, but I’m just so intrigued.”

“Mm, nothing better than a show about a crazy nurse.” He rolls his eyes.

“Aw, feeling a little misrepresented?” She smirks.

“Maybe a wee bit. Let me know if it’s worth the watch, though, yeah?”

“Definitely.” She finishes up her coffee and sighs. “Back to it I suppose.”

“Go lay down if you want, we’re not busy.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m catching a second wind.” She stands up and shakes her body out. “See, awake and ready to-“, her beeper goes off, “Shit, some teenagers were just brought in.”

They both hurry out of the breakroom, and go to where they’re needed. Three teenage boys were laying in hospital beds, clearly in pain.

“Alright, what seems to be the problem here?” Y/N says as Harry works on taking their vitals.

“We…fell off the water tower.” One of them says.

She sighs and starts checking for bumps and bruises. She doesn’t ask why they were there, she was sure their parents would rip them a new one for that. A few sprained ankles, and one broken wrist, but nothing too serious otherwise. Y/N gives her instructions to Harry, and tells the boys they’ll need to switch off between aspirin and ibuprofen to help with pain and inflammation. Harry gets the broken wrist into a splint and sling, and gets the others settled as well.

“Isn’t this a little backwards?” One of them says to him after Y/N’s left. “Isn’t she supposed to be the nurse?”

“Well, considering that she went to school for a lot longer than I did, and probably has a lot more knowledge about the body than I do, I’d say she’s supposed to be the doctor.” Harry says.

“Isn’t it weird being a male nurse though?”

“M’not a male nurse.” He makes some notes on the laptop he was using. “I’m just a nurse.” He closes the laptop and looks at the three of them. “Your parents should be here soon, hope you lot feel better, and be safer out there.”

It wasn’t the first time Harry got a comment like that, and it wouldn’t be the last. He didn’t go to school as premed and then go off to a fancy medical school. He majored in Allied Health in uni, and passed all his tests. That was it, and that was all he wanted to do. There was nothing wrong with that. He was proud of himself. He hoped Y/N was proud of herself too.

Flu shot season was in full swing, and there were usually a couple of days a year the hospital did walk-in appointments so people could come in easily to get them. Harry had picked up a shift to administer them. Y/N had come in to be on call so one of the other doctors could have the day off. She smiles when she sees Harry in the cafeteria at lunch.

“Hey, you.” She says as she sits down. “Weird seeing you in the daylight.”

“Could say the same to you. What’s all this about? Don’t tell me you’re working another triple…” He raises an eyebrow at her.

“No, I swapped shifts with Dr. Jollas so she could have the day with her kids. What are you doing here today?”

“I’m on for the flu shots. It’s an easy enough shift to pick up.”

“Get a lot of people in for that?”

“Sure, tons.”

“That makes me happy to hear.” She sighs.

“How were your couple of days off? Did you watch your show?”

“I only watched about two episodes…there was a lot more gore than I was expecting.”

“Y/N…you’re a doctor…”

“Yes, and I can handle small amounts of blood, especially when I’m in the moment helping someone, but there was literally a scene where they were showing how lobotomies were done and a scene where this kid cut off his own arms, so it was a bit much for me. Not something I should be watching alone, anyways.”

“That’s gross.” Harry grimaces. “Don’t blame you for not getting through it.”

“So I ended up just re-watching The Office for the millionth time. It was perfect.” She chuckles. “Are you working all of Halloween weekend?”

“I am.” He nods. “I hope you’ll add some flare to your outfit. The kids like it when we do.”

“Some flare, huh?”

“I have these scrubs that have pumpkins, ghosts, and black cats on them.”

“Hm, I’ll have to think about what I can add. I have some earrings with witches on them, that could be fun.”

“As long as you get into the spirt somehow. We all decorate the nurse’s station and everything. Ellie usually brings in cupcakes too.”

“Speaking of her…” Y/N leans in a bit. “Did you catch the rock on her finger? I’m happy for her and all, but she said she’s only been with her fiancé for eight months. It’s a bit fast.”

“Well, they were casual before they made things official. She was, uh, seeing a couple of people, and then he asked her to get serious and she did.” He shrugs.

“Oh, I see.” She nods and sits back. “I’m not judging or anything, I mean, I guess when you, you know.” She takes a bite of her food, and then leans back in. “Can I ask you something?” She whispers.

“Always.” He leans in as well. Harry be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy a spot of gossip, and Y/N had become his new favorite person to gossip with. It didn’t take them long to become the two bitches that are always talking shit about everyone else.

“Do people use the bunk room to bone?”

His face flushes, and then he clears his throat.

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Because you know everything about this place! I wish it was a singles only room because I swear I saw Nurse Halleran and Dr. Gilles coming out of there, and only one of the beds looked used.”

Harry makes a disgusted face and rolls his eyes.

“I feel bad for whoever he’s married to.” He shakes his head. “Scumbag.”

“Nurse Halleran’s married too! I could never do that. I mean, I’ve been in relationships before, and maybe I’ve thought someone else is attractive, I can appreciate a pretty face, but I would never cheat on my significant other. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Same here. That’s, like, the ultimate betrayal. How do you even come back from that? I get that our jobs can make for lonely lives, but make the time count at home when you can.”

“Does he have kids?”

“No, I think that’s why he doesn’t feel bad about it. She has two kids, though, I don’t know, I only talk to her about work things if I can help it. I miss some of my girls from the day shifts, like, Shauna is super nice and has this really warm smile.”

“Feel like she’s the hospital granny.” Y/N smiles. “I like her a lot too, the few interactions I’ve had with her.”

“How long do you think they’ll keep you on the night shift for?”

“I have no idea, think I’m just paying my dues as the new doctor. I’m getting more used to it, it’s not too bad. If it goes through summer I can drag my bum to the beach and sleep there.” She laughs and so does he.

“Might have to join you for that, I love getting a good tan.”

“It’s a date.” She says, more so as a joke, but from the way he looks at her he may have taken it a different way, so she clears her throat and laughs it off. “Anyways, I better get back to it. Nothing worse than being in the middle of eating and the beeper going off.” She stands up. “Have a good one, Harry.”

“You too.” He watches her walk away, and he sighs.

On Halloween, Y/N goes in a few hours early because she was told they let the kids go around the halls to the different nurse’s stations to trick or treat, and she really didn’t want to miss out on it. She puts on her witches earrings, and some spooky pins for her coat, and out she goes. She stops off at the store to buy some extra candy, and puts it in a pumpkin shaped bucket. She smiles when she sees Harry behind the desk already in his Halloween scrubs.

“Excellent effort.” He says, and then taps his finger over his mouth in thought. “Could use a little something extra, though.”

“Yeah? Like what?” She sets the candy down on the desk and he walks around it.

“Follow me.” Y/N follows Harry into the breakroom, and he pulls a bag out of his locker. He has her go into the unisex bathroom wither, and she sits up on the counter for him. “I’m working a double today, I did some face painting earlier for some of the younger kids. Sort of a way to give them a costume for when they walk around.”

“Harry, why don’t you just solely work in pediatrics?”

“Because I did some face painting for the elderly too, now hush. I need to concentrate.”

He takes what looks like a black sharpie out of the bag, but Y/N recognizes it as liquid eye-liner.

“What exactly are you going to do with that? Give me cat eyes?” She chuckles.

“No, you dolt, we’d need hours for that. I’m just gonna draw a little spider web on your cheek, alright?”

“Okay.”

Harry had never been this close to her face before. She got a nice whiff of his cologne, and she liked being able to see the few freckles he had. She notices now he’s painted his nails black and orange, he must really like Halloween. She closes her eyes as he starts drawing on her right cheek. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. A slight gasp leaves her lips when his other hand grips her chin to tilt her head.

“Still just me, don’t worry.” He chuckles. “Don’t get jumpy on me.”

“M’not, sorry.” She sucks her lips into her mouth as his hand moves to the side of her neck. Y/N may or may not be a little touch starved.

“Almost done.” He says just as she was opening her eyes back up.

“Harry, has anyone ever told you how pretty your eyes are?”

“Shut up.” He scoffs, and finishes up. “All done, tell me what you think.”

“I mean it!” She says as he backs away enough for her to hop off the counter and turn around in the mirror. “Oh, excellent job. I especially like that you drew a little spider dangling from the web.”

“It’s my signature detail. Now you look perfect.” They look at each other through the mirror. “We should probably get out of here before someone thinks we’re boning.”

She bursts out laughing at that.

“Good one.” She says and shakes her head.

“It wasn’t that funny.” He mutters as he puts the bag back in his locker.

“N-no, it wasn’t.” She clears her throat. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” He nudges her shoulder and they walk back out to the main area.

The trick or treating was a lot of fun, and the kids seemed to have their spirits lifted. Then shit got real when the drunk people started coming in, the people the police had to bring in for psych evaluations, and the people that had too many edibles. It was crazy busy, Y/N had been running around all night. She was given the okay to go lay down for about thirty minutes since she had come in early. She stops short when she sees Harry laying in one of the bunks. He was laying on his side with his arms crossed over his chest. She quietly slips into one of the other bunks, and takes a deep breath.

“You’re awfully loud.” He says.

“Christ! I was quieter than a mouse!” She says, and turns to face him. He opens his eyes and grins at her. “Ah, you were just fucking with me.”

“Obviously.”

“Busy out there tonight. I mean, I expected it, but still.”

“I know.” He yawns and stretches out. “I’ve been in here too long, I need to go back out before I get groggy.” He swings his legs over the side of the bed and slowly gets up. “Have a nice snooze.”

“Thanks.” She chews her bottom lip for a moment. “Do you have any makeup wipes? I’d hate to wake up with a smudged web.”

“Oh, sure, one second.” He leaves momentarily and comes back in with a wipe for her cheek. Instead of handing it to her, he sits on the edge of her bunk, cups one of her cheeks in his hand, and uses the other to carefully wipe off the drawing. Her eyes flutter closed and she sighs. “There.” Her eyes open back up and she smiles softly at him.

“Thank you.”

There was something brewing between them, they could both feel it. He’s about to lean in to kiss her, but he hears the click of the door open, and stands up immediately. It was another doctor who was I desperate need of a snooze. Harry leaves, and Y/N tries to relax enough to fall asleep.

They don’t see each other again until the morning when they’re both getting ready to leave. He chews on his inner cheek, trying to work up a little bit of courage.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sure you’re probably tired, but…I have these, uh, pancake stencils where you can make pancakes look like pumpkins or ghosts…I thought maybe we could celebrate surviving Halloween together, but I’ll understand if you’re ready to just crash or-“

“I’d love to have breakfast with you.” She smiles as she closes her locker. “I’m gonna go home and shower. Text me your address, yeah?”

“Alright.” He smiles and watches her walk out.

Y/N takes a very quick shower so she can freshen up. She wasn’t sure what might go down between them. She felt like she was getting to be a little too old to just be hooking up with someone, but Harry was really great, so she decides to just go with the flow. She heads to his flat after he sent her his address, making sure to buy some orange juice as something to bring over.

He lets her in and she can’t get over how cozy he looks in his sweatpants, graphic tee, and cardigan. She was in a pair of leggings and a sweater.

“It smells so good in here.” She says.

“Thanks, I made some tea too if you want something warm.”

She nods and he pours her a cup. They giggle over the pancakes, and Harry confirms that Halloween is definitely one of his favorite holidays. The two decide it might be fun to watch a Halloween movie, but naturally after a long sift, they fall asleep together on his sofa. She was nestled into his chest with his arms wrapped around her. She would have slept longer, but she woke up to the sound of him snoring. She shuffles a little, but accidentally knees him in the groin, waking up immediately.

“Shit, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize I was laying on you like this.”

“It’s fine.” He says as he reaches for himself. “I’m good.” He knuckles at one of his eyes, keeping his other arm around her. He looks at the TV screen and sees that something else had come on. “Slept through the movie…”

“Guess we got a little too comfy.” She looks up at him. “Forgot how nice it was to cuddle with someone.” She mumbles tiredly.

“We could…go to my bed if you want, have a proper cuddle.”

“Would you spoon me if we do that?”

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.”

She nods yes, so he manages to pick her up, and carry her to his bedroom. She almost didn’t want to let go him when he sets her down, but all is good once he slides in next to her, pulls the blankets over them, and he wraps himself around her. She sighs as his pelvis aligns with her bum, and his arm wraps around her waist.

“Good?” He asks.

“Mhm.” She wiggles against him to get even more comfortable.

“Don’t do that.”

“Why not.”

“Because I’ll get excited, and that’ll make things awkward.”

“Define excited.”

“You know exactly what I mean, Y/N.” He sighs.

“I wanna hear you say it.”

“I’ll get hard, and it’s already difficult enough to control that around you, so-“

“You can press it against me if you want, I don’t mind.” She looks over her shoulder at him.

“You’re serious?”

“If I wasn’t I certainly wouldn’t have let you carry me to your bed.” She rolls onto her other side to face him. “I like being your friend and all, but I’ve done this with someone who’s just a friend before. I…I feel like we almost kissed earlier…”

“We did. Can we try again now?”

“Please.”

His hand slides to the back of her neck and he pulls her closer to him. His lips still tasted like the syrup they put on their pancakes, and she likes it more than she really should. Her tongue swipes along his bottom lip, and he opens up for her. Their tongues swirl around each other, and she tugs him on top of her as she turns onto her back. One of his legs goes between hers, and she grunts when she feels his thigh right on her. She wraps her arms around his neck as their tongues still mold together.

She slips her other leg around his waist so he could lay full between her. He groans into her mouth as he grinds himself against her. A soft moan leaves her lips when she feels how hard he is. She could feel herself throbbing for him. He sits up a little, just to get his cardigan off, and her hands slide up his stomach under his shirt. He shudders from her touch, and he just takes his shirt off too. Her eyes widen as she can finally look over his tattoos.

“This is beautiful.” She says as her fingers trace over the butterfly on his torso.

“Thanks.” He smiles and gets back down to lay on her chest to chest as he kisses her.

He kisses from her lips, along her jaw, and to her neck, all while she’s grinding herself against him. One of his hands finds her hair and he yanks her head to the side so he can get better access to her neck. He licks over the spot just below her ear, and he sinks his teeth in. He sucks on her soft skin, and her mouth falls open. She normally wasn’t super into biting, but whatever he was doing felt really good. When he pops off her she puts her hand over the new bruise.

“That’s definitely gonna leave a mark.” She says to him.

“Kind of the whole point.” He smirks. “Maybe Dr. Gilles will leave you alone if he thinks you’re already getting it from someone else.”

“Not very professional though, is it?”

“That nice white coat of yours will cover it. Wear your hair down for a few days, no one will notice. Or maybe they will, oh well. I’ve never much cared what other people think.”

“That’s because you’re not the one walking around with a mark on your neck.” She pouts at him.

“I could be if you wanted to give me one.”

She bites her bottom lip to contemplate just about every little thing that’s going on between them. She had her legs around him, she was in his bed, and he was shirtless sucking marks into her neck.

“Are…are you going to fuck me?” She asks.

“Do you want me to?”

“Kinda.” She giggles. “You’re, um, really sexy, Harry.”

“Well, that’s very nice of you to say, but ‘kinda’ isn’t exactly a yes, Y/N.”

“Could we maybe just…touch each other? Below the belt?”

“Yeah, we can do that.”

He rolls them both over so they’re on their sides facing each other again, and he pulls her leg up over his hip. She reaches for him first, skimming her fingers along the band of his sweatpants before dipping her fingers him. His breath hitches as she palms him over his boxers.

“You’re okay with this?” She asks him.

“Very.” He grunts. “Go for it.”

She nods and slips her hand inside his boxers, wrapping her hand around his warm cock. She bites her bottom lip as she runs her thumb over his tip, which was already leaking precome, and she slides it down his length.

His hand grips her ass before sliding it around to her front, and pulling her leggings back so he can get his hand in. A moan leaves his lips when he feels her wetness through her thong. He pets over at first, teasing her a little, but she squeezes him a little too tight, and that was signal enough to get the show on the road. He tugs her thong to the side, and runs his fingers along her slit before dipping his middle finger inside her. She squeezes around the intrusion, and then she relaxes a bit for him.

Harry slides another finger inside her, and works them in and out as his thumb takes care of her clit. He leans in to kiss her as they work each other over. She sucks on his bottom lip as she pumps his slick cock in her hand. He finds himself bucking into her grasp, but neither seem to care since she was grinding against his fingers. He curls them up inside her, and that’s when she starts breathing heavily.

“Oh, shit.” Her mouth falls open and she starts pumping him faster. “Fuck, oh my god, H-Harry, it feels so good, don’t stop.” She was nearly gagging for it, and it shocked him to see her falling apart like this just from him fingering her.

“Y/N.” He moans and presses his forehead to hers. “I’m gonna come.”

“M-me too, shit.”

She feels her hand become warm and sticky as she comes around his fingers. She tightens around him to make it last as long as possible, and then she catches breath. She doesn’t want to make a mess of his sweat pants, so she takes her hand out slowly, keeping as much of his come in her palm as she can. They make eye contact, and she licks her palm clean. He does the same by sucking his fingers into his mouth.

“You’re, like, a little kinky.” She chuckles and so does he.

“You literally just did the same as me!”

“I was trying not to make a mess of your sheets!”

“I can wash ‘em.” He laughs more, and then tucks some hair behind her ear. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking you like me a little more than I thought.”

“A lot more, actually. You like me too?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “I like you, Harry.”

“Thank god, I didn’t want this to be awkward at work.”

“Just don’t try to get busy with me in the bunk room. I will not contribute to that.”

“Listen, when you’re tired and desperate, it’s not such a bad place to get frisky.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She rolls her eyes. “Could I use your bathroom quick? And then if you don’t mind, I would actually love to sleep a bit more.”

“Of course! And yeah, that sounds good.”

She uses his bathroom, and he cleans himself up. He offers some pajama pants a tee shirt, and she happily accepts. She changes and crawls back into bed with him. He spoons her, and rubs at her side, giving her a kiss once in a while on the back of her neck. As she falls asleep in his arms she thinks she had never been so thankful to work on a holiday in her life.

#harry styles #night shift #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #nurse!harry #doctor!y/n

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thomotomo · 3 years

Text

Through everything pt.2

A/N: Here’s the part 2 of my Nmajoon x male Reader story! I hope you will enjoy it! Shoutout to @ben-c0c who beta read this part and corrected all my shit (*¯ ³¯*)♡

Words: 2.5k

CW // Talk about stalks and sasaengs

Part 1

Namjoon held your hand during the whole escalator trip and you tried to calm yourself down by singing some random song’s lyrics or trying to concentrate on the warm feeling of Namjoon’s hand holding yours but nothing seemed to do it and before you knew it you were at the desired floor.

As the doors opened you saw a muscular man was waiting for the doors to open, he was looking at his phone and looked up as the doors opened. Namjoon took the first step, still holding your hand and you had no choice but follow him.

“Manager-nim! Hello! Sejin meet (Y/N), (Y/N) this is Sejin our manager!”

You smiled at him, bowing a little bit.

“Nice to finally meet you! Namjoon talks quite often about you!”

“I can’t say the same but nice to meet you anyway!”, he put on a friendly smile, even though you could feel that he was tense and you could easily understand why. If you were going to proceed announcing your relationship the company could be in very deep shit. You pushed those thoughts away, concentrating on your boyfriend and his manager discussing.

“You’re going to meet the members and then we’ll go see the CEO and the PR so we can discuss this!”

“Fine by me! Even though I don’t have much choice.”

He laughed gently and you followed Namjoon and Sejin to where the other members were in a big room, discussing about anything and everything. You were quite intimidated when they all looked at you as you walked in the room. You flushed and put your head down, looking at your feet. You heard Sejin talking to the members, quickly explaining the situation to them and what was about to happen. The members stood up and came toward you, smiling warmly and you were standing there awkwardly.

“H-Hello… It’s nice to finally meet you”, you waved at them, trying not to avert your eyes from them.

“Hi! Nice to meet you! Namjoon talked so much about you!”, it was Jimin who talked first as he extended his hand towards you. You took it and smiled at him, you were happy they seemed to like you too. You were scared that they wouldn’t like you because you could cause the “downfall” of their group, but they seemed genuinely happy to meet you.

Each of the members went to shake your hands, as you grinned, feeling more at ease with each minute passing. All of you then moved, discussing with them stories about Namjoon or learning about each of your lives (both yours and the members’). You kept discussing until Sejin told you it was time for the meeting with the CEO and PR representatives.

You let out a shaky breath, trying to appear not too worried but Yoongi seemed to notice it and he came to give you a hug, surprising you.

“It’s going to be okay! I’m sure everything will go alright!”, he grinned at you, doing thumbs up too, making you laugh gently.

The other boy wished you good luck and tried to reassure you gently. Namjoon took your hand in his, smiling gently at you, tugging you to follow Sejin to the office where all the important representatives were waiting for you. After what seemed a walk through an endless corridor, Sejin knocked at a door and entered first then let both of you in.

Before stepping in, Namjoon kissed your cheeks, whispering a “love you” before entering the room. It was plain grey, with big cabinets filled with paper works, probably all the cases they had to “resolve” or hide from the public. In the middle of this oppressing place was a big desk where Lenzo Yoon sat, the CEO for business; you supposed that your relationship was business considering he was the one meeting both of you. Next to him 3 people were present, two women and a man who looked at you as you walked in.

You repressed a shudder, the atmosphere in this office was really negative and if it wasn’t for Namjoon, you would have run away. Lenzo greeted you in a professional manner and you did the same, smiling a bit. All the PR representatives presented themselves and you took a seat in front of them. The woman at his right was Kwak Joo-Ho, the man at her right was Park Yong-Nam and the other woman at the left of the CEO was Sohn Eunseo.

You were very antsy and probably appeared as a nervous wreck despite trying not to appear this way. You were sweating profusely, your shirt was sticking to your back and your hands were shaking, but you kept trying to calm yourself, thinking about good thoughts and fluffy memories with Namjoon.

“So, I’ve been made aware of why Namjoon had requested a meeting with me and the PR team. I guess you’re his boyfriend right?”, Lenzo Yoon spoke first, a serious look on his face.

“Y-Yes it’s me.” You croaked, your throat dry because of the stress.

“From what he told us, you’ve been dating for a good while, 7 years if I’m correct and that he wanted to announce your relationship to everyone and that you were absolutely sure about that.”

“That’s right sir.”, it was Namjoon’s turn to respond affirmatively.

“Alright. I’ll let Ms.Kwak Ho-Joo talk to you about our thoughts on it and how we could do that announcement.”, he moved his hand towards a woman with her hair put in a bun. She nodded and looked at you, opening a file.

“So, I’m sure Namjoon had talked to you about it already but the medias are going to want to know everything about you, they’ll search any kind of social medias where you are, know that sasaengs will look for you too, they’re going to invade your private space and probably follow you and try to get all of your personal info, like phone number, private email, workplace etc. We’re going to need you to not do any public declarations that could be detrimental to the group like their private information, so you’re going to have to sign a non-disclosing agreement to ensure that.”, she slid a paper across the table to you.

Truth to be told you were a bit hurt that they thought you would publicly release their info but you understood why they did that, after all they were often chased by sasaengs and some of them even already had their private information. You read the contract carefully, not wanting to miss any info and you took the pen that was slided to you and signed at the bottom of each page before giving everything back to Ho-Joo. She put the contract back inside the file and continued.

“About the press and the sasaengs, you might want to put your online account such as twitter and Instagram in private to avoid any hate comments that could arrive to you, and to stop them from maybe digging up some things that you aren’t comfortable with sharing publicly.” You nodded at that, it only made sense, after all you didn’t want to get a flood of hate, same for your friends and family.

“Also, to announce your relationship it won’t be a press conference but we’re going to do a lengthy post about your relationship and post it on all of the company’s social media. We’re going to have to redact it with both of you, even though we already have an idea of what to write we will need your approval for some things.”

You nodded as she explained that. You got a lot of information at once but it was only fair, considering what could happen in the minutes or hours following the statement, you also didn’t want to reveal more than necessary about you. You were realistic, surely you would get a ton of hate, after all BTS was one of the biggest bands of its time so it was only obvious you’d get hated on, but you knew that some people would support you too and be understanding.

Park Young-Nam pulled out a computer, you guessed it was to redact the statement. You felt Namjoon’s hand on your thigh and you looked at him, a bit surprised, he smiled at you and you felt a boost of serotonin as you looked at his dimpled smile. He never stopped to make you feel at ease even in a nervous-wrecking situation as this one and you took his hand in yours and tangled your fingers together.

You stayed around an hour in the office, writing the lengthy statement about your relationship, then they recommended you not to leave the building already, not that you were planning to, considering the bomb you would have just dropped for the whole world to see, and other recommendations about how to act and react to hate.

After everything was said, they told you that they would publish the statement in roughly ten minutes and that both of you could go back with the other members. You bid them goodbye and Sejin accompanied you back to the apartment where the other members still were. You quickly went on your phone, being careful of privating all of your accounts just like they told you, you almost forgot about it but luckily you did it before it was too late.

You sat on the couch with a sigh, and so did Namjoon. Taehyung was looking at you a bit worried, your hands were visibly shaking and it didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon. He went and brought you a glass of water, which you accepted and drank in one go.

“Do you feel a bit better?”

“Yes, t-thanks a lot.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to play to keep your mind off it?”

“Yes that would be awesome, please.”, he grinned at you and turned on the Xbox and gave you a controller.

“Do you like Overwatch?”

“I don’t play it as much as before but yes I really like it.”

“Great! Let’s play it then, does that work for you?”

“Absolutely! Though I’m not very good anymore.”, both of you chuckled and kept discussing about the game as he turned it on. Soon you were joined by Jin and Jungkook who discussed with you about the game and did a pretty good job at keeping your mind out of the current mess on social media.

Meanwhile RM observed the four of you and he felt his heart singing at the sight of you being in great terms with the other members, but he couldn’t help but be worried about all the mess the announcement was going to create, you weren’t used to all the attention, well a little bit considering your job as a tattoo artist you had to have a public social media, but not of this magnitude.

Yoongi shook him out of his thoughts, putting his hands on his shoulder.

“You okay Nam?”, he looked pretty worried about him, honestly he could understand.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m really scared for him. And for us too obviously.”

“You know, both of you overcame a lot of things. Not everyone could date an idol for so long even if he was one, you’re also still together even with the distance and the time zones. I wouldn’t worry much, as long as you communicate, nothing wrong should happen. And don’t worry about us either, we’re big boys. If they can’t accept you being happily in love well they don’t deserve you.”, Yoongi smiled at him, trying to cheer him up. Namjoon’s lips rose a bit as he nodded.

“You’re right. But I really can’t help it, some people are wild, I’m scared they find his address and go and harass him in his own country too.”, he sighed in frustration. He hated knowing that some people weren’t able to respect the boundaries of public figures, even his parents weren’t sometimes immune to being followed by horrible people who wanted dirt on him or them.

“I understand but honestly, I’m not worried. You’ll get your happy ending with him, I’m sure about it. Come on let’s try to keep our minds off that. You should be happy it’s a respectable fine man you got there”

“You’re acting like an old man Yoongi, I didn’t know you were 50 years old.”, Namjoon chuckled, gently hitting his bandmate’s shoulder.

Yoongi chuckled too and they both stayed here looking at the other members and (Y/N) bantering about which character was the best in Overwatch. He observed your face, as cliché as it was, you were laughing at something Jin had said and Namjoon could swore you were lighting up the whole room with that blinding smile.

At the same moment a mess was created on Twitter and on every other social media where BigHit had published the announcement of the relationship. Namjoon’s phone didn’t stop vibrating and so did the other member’s (they were all logged on the BTS’ official accounts so obviously people were trying to get answers here too) but they all ignored it, in favour of turning it silent.

Obviously their next promotions weren’t going to be quiet so they would like to enjoy some calm. You all had fun for a good while until it was noon. You decided to order food and Namjoon used this time to call his parents, telling them both of you would sleep in the dorm that night (probably for the better at the moment).

The eight of you ate the food, discussing, and you were engrossed in a conversation with Jungkook and Jimin about tattoos. You showed them the big ass tattoos you had on your legs and talked about the others you had on your torso and they showed theirs too.

All in all, you were having a pretty good time with the members, until the inevitable moment where everyone didn’t really know what to say anymore and were just chilling. You were used to checking your phone and you shakily reached for it, looking at all the notifications you got. It seemed that some people found your personal Instagram account really quick and you already had a ton of notifications by people requesting to follow you. You were even @/ by some of them in their publications, some hateful, some pretty wholesome.

Same went for your tattoo shop account, you got a lot of followers and an alarmingly quickly growing number of comments under your last tattoo picture. You sighed tiredly and decided not to deal with it right now and closed the application in favour of playing a game. Namjoon looked at you and put his arm around you and kissed your cheek a few times earning a “Ewww” from Yoongi, whose eyes were shining with mirth as he did that.

You stuck your tongue out to him and went back to cuddle into Namjoon’s side, trying to ignore the growing number of comments and requests. You could feel your anxiety growing and just like earlier, your back was sticking to your shirt and you wished the situation wouldn’t be as scary as it actually was.

____________

A/N: Hope you enoyed this part 2! Don’t hesitate to leave feedbacks and reblog! You can also support my writing on my Kofi ! Take care (つ≧▽≦)つ

#bts namjoon #namjoon x male reader #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #bts x male reader #bts x reader #bts fanfction #reader insert #male reader #x male reader #kim namjoon x y/n #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader

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ssa-dg · 3 years

Text

Walls are Built to be Knocked Down

Overview: this takes place in season 7 episode 2. You joined the BAU after the death of Emily and JJ’s departure. However when they both come back, everyone is shook up.

TW: mentions of drugs, murder, rape (it takes place in the episode). Adult themes

Relationship: Spencer Reid x (female) reader

Word count: 3352

Author’s note: so I have been wanting to write another short story about Spencer but couldn’t get myself to do it. Glad I got inspired by episode 2 of season 7. This is when Spencer is still mad at JJ about Emily. The unsub is the one who is neuro-divergent and is obsessed with his brother’s wife. If you have any suggestions on how to write a better Spencer Reid, I would love that. I struggle with writing an accurate Reid because he is supposed to be so smart and I’m the type of person who has been told she’s “dumb” so it’s an insecurity of mine. Give me advice if you have any just be nice. P.S. the formatting on this is so weird. I don’t have my laptop rn because it’s getting fixed and the mobile version of this app sucks lol

You and Spencer were never really good friends. You two were good coworkers and you always got along well, but it took Spencer a lot to let people behind his wall. So when you joined the team from the whit collar unit, after Emily’s death. You could tell everyone on your new team was grieving, and because you didn’t know them all that well you didn’t pry. Though slowly each member let things slide to you about their grieving. You didn’t expect that to happen but you weren’t surprised. You were always a reliable person, old friends would come out of nowhere just to talk to you about their problems, or random people in cabs, on the subway, etc. You just had that air about you, one that was dependable, nonjudgmental, and understanding. Your family called it your superpower.

So when Emily turned out to be alive and JJ and Hotch knew the whole time, the team was stunned. You didn’t fully comprehend the travesty of what they went through but you understood the pain and relief that accompanied them. Knowing they probably had 100 million different conflicting emotions swirling in them you suspected they’d be going through “it” the next months.

As JJ walked into the BAU with Prentiss talking about how she had passed all the qualifications to finally become a profiler, JJ saw Spencer come out of the elevator. “Hey, where have you been?” JJ asked him, “I wanted to do brunch this weekend”

“I had to deal with some stuff with my mom,” he flipped through the pages in a file to avoid eye contact with his friend, “have you seen Y/N?” he finished.

“Uh, she’s at her desk I think,” Spencer sped off to your desk. “He hates me,” JJ finished.

You sat at your desk looking over case files when Spencer came rushing up to you. “Hey, Y/N,” he greeted you and looked around.

“What’s up?” You asked expecting there to be a reason he came to your desk.

“Nothing just wanted to say hi,” he saw JJ and Prentiss go into the round table room.

“Well, hi,” you laughed and followed his gaze to your two co-workers. “Ahh, I see,” you said out loud.

His head looked down at you,” what do you mean ‘ahh, I see,’?” He was obviously annoyed by your statement.

You raised your hands up in surrender, “nothing, nothing. Shall we go?” You stood up and tilted your head towards the conference room. He nodded his head.

When you guys walked in and you went to sit in an open seat next to Morgan, Spencer lightly grabbed your elbow and pulled you the opposite way and had you sit between him Emily and JJ. You just looked at him knowing what he was doing. Although you gave him a glare to indicate you didn’t like being manhandled by him, you secretly enjoyed it. You were unsure why it did it but it created a feeling in you that you were not ready to associate with your coworker. He just gave you a bit of a ‘don’t-say-anything’ glare and looked back down at the file. You rolled your eyes and felt Prentiss looking at you. You shrugged your shoulders as if to say ‘I don’t know why he just did that’.

In walked Rossi and Garcia, “look master of all things Italian, I am having a Fellini festival at my house this weekend and I must serve the beautiful food of his country.” Garcia insisted.

“Maybe you should show a Disney movie and stick with burgers,” Rossi responded, still a bit offended by the pig substitute.

“You know, Rossi, you could always give Penelope a cooking lesson,” Derek suggested.

“I could help,” you spoke up from across the table. Everyone looked at you confused, “You all act like I’m not Italian. I used to go back there every summer to visit my extended family,” you rolled your eyes and defended yourself.

“Oh my gosh that would be amazing. That would be like- that would be like the iron chef meets the BAU,” Garcia looked back and forth between you and Rossi. You felt Spencer’s eyes on you and looked at him. His scrunched up eyebrows and set jaw told you that he didn’t know that about you or maybe he forgot. You just smiled at him, and tilted your head like it was nothing.

“And we could do it at your house,” Garcia looked over at Rossi.

“I don’t have a house. I have a mansion,” he laughed.

“All right let’s get started,” Hotch instructed.

Everytime JJ talked at the round table, Reid couldn’t even look at her. He kept his gaze down and you saw the muscle in his jaw bone tighten as he clenched his it. The victims were girls who all looked the same, helping a bit to narrow down the victimology. The dump sights also helped narrow down the geographical, although nothing was ever set in stone right off the bat. Everytime Spencer spoke you could tell there was hidden meaning beneath it all directed towards JJ.

On the jet you dug in deeper into the case. You started to notice Spencer stuck close to you, as if you were an extra layer of shielding from JJ. He sat next to you and when JJ spoke he’d either look down at the files in his hands or at your files in your hand. “Dave you and I will talk to the parents.Y/LN head over with us to the police station, and get us set up. Go over what they have and talk to the detectives. Morgan and Prentiss go to the disposal sites. JJ, you and Reid to the abduction sites,” Hotch ordered. JJ gave a soft smile to Spencer and you felt him tighten up next to you, and look away from her. Her smile faded into concern and annoyance and looked at you for help. You just shrugged unsure how to help.

Once you collected all the information on the crime board at the station you helped out Hotch and Rossi at the coroner's office. Then you got the call that there was a third victim. There he burned the woman’s tongue with sulfuric acid. As you, Rossi, JJ, and Reid looked over the body. The quips JJ and Reid were throwing at each other was escalating quickly.

“— instead of dealing with it. He’s acting out,” JJ looked up at Reid as she spoke about the unsub but also meant it for Reid. If looks could inflict pain, the look Reid responded to JJ with would have seriously injured her. Spencer walked off in anger. JJ looked around for help, or maybe back up. You looked at her giving her ‘I’ll take care of it’ look and went after Spencer.

Once you caught up to him and tried to talk to him he wasn’t having it. He quickly dived into perfecting the profile and ignored all conversation about anything else. He was reinforcing the walls he built around himself.

Now back at the station, you all delivered the profile to the police force. Spencer was still not looking at JJ.

Once the profile was delivered Spencer went into the room where the BAU was working out of, JJ following him.

“Spence. Look we gotta talk about this,” JJ insisted.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he responded.

“I get it, okay? You’re disappointed with the way we handled Emily,”

“Listen I have a lot going on alright,”

“You know what I think it is, you’re mad that Hotch and I were able to hold our micro-expressions at the hospital. And you weren’t able to detect our deception,” JJ finally getting angry and defending herself.

“You think it’s about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend,” the tears beginning to well in both of their eyes, “and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

“I couldn’t,”

“You couldn’t or you wouldn’t,”

“I couldn’t,” she shouted and defended herself.

“What if I started taking dilaudid again. Would you have let me?” he asked.

“You didn’t,” she answered, confused why he was asking.

“Yeah, but I thought about it,” he confessed, and hurt even more that she didn’t realize how low he actually was during that time.

“Spence,” she called out as he tried to walk away, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late, all right?” He walked away from her.

“Reid,” Emily called for him and looked back at JJ.

You followed Spencer out the door. You knew it was risky to seek him out right now but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to try and help him. You couldn’t explain the pull he had on you right now but you usually followed your instincts and they hadn’t let you down yet.

“Spencer, wait up,” you tried to catch up to his long strides.

“Are you here to tell me off, or ask me to apologize to JJ? Because if so, don’t waste your breath. I’m not going to,” he angrily twirled around to you, which made you stop yourself before running into him.

“I wasn’t — I wasn’t going to say that. I know why you’re mad. And I think the way your acting is justified, maybe a bit immature but it’s justified,” you answered.

Spencer looked confused at your response then angrily he said “why am I acting this way then? Why am I so justified?” He was testing you in some way. If you said the wrong thing he’d yell at you too, and he would build that wall around himself so high no one would ever be allowed in again. He was hurting and right now he felt like hurting others was the only way to feel like he was in control.

“You feel betrayed. You understand why Emily had to fake her death. You understand why no one on the team was allowed to know but you don’t understand why JJ was in on it and how she kept her cool. You don’t understand how she could watch your heart break over the loss of a loved one and stand there with the knowledge to save you from all your grieving. JJ is your best friend, you trust her and love her. And best friends are supposed to help take away the pain, and you feel betrayed and taken advantage of because of that,” you finished. You could tell by the look he gave you that the wall he was building was not prepared for you to hit it so hard it cracked. His face went from openness and feeling seen, to defensive and angry at you not giving him a reason to yell at you. “You want her to understand and feel the pain she caused you. which might be why you are acting out? But when the time comes you’ll forgive her because you know deep down what you need JJ and her friendship and eventually you’ll remember all she did for you. Right now you’re hurting, but the way you get rid of that pain isn’t about being mean or hurting her, you’ll need to remember your love for your friend. And find it in yourself if you can forgive her. Am I right?” You asked him, but you already knew the answer. He let out a sigh and looked down at you. He looked at you for the first time in all his time of knowing you. You understood what he was going through more so than his closest friend, and even more so than some of his teammates who had known him for years. How could he have overlooked you for so long. He quickly looked down at your lips and the tension between you two changed. The breathing between you two became heavy and noticeable. He turned quickly and stormed off.

Eventually you all caught the unsub and saved the young girl. This time on the plane though Spencer sat in the back. He spread his stuff across the table indicating he didn’t want anyone to sit there. You took the hint, and even though you had never been close to Spencer other than him using you today for an emotional defense, you felt a coldness being away from him. A coldness, you didn’t even want to know where it would lead you.

Emily walked back to him after a short time on the plane. You could tell what she was doing and thought it was a good idea. You looked at them and analysed their behaviors. You saw the shift in them as Emily laughed for a second and from the back of Spencer you saw him move in his seat to avoid the subject. Emily leaned in as she began to explain her side of what had happened. Spencer was still mad, but by the way his shoulders sloped he was more tired than angry.

You got dressed up in one of your favorite black dresses with knee high black boots and a fancy long coat. As you pulled into the parking lot, you were a bit self conscious about what you were about to do.

You walked up the steps, found the door you were looking for, and knocked lightly. You heard some shuffling around and then heard the door unlock.

“Hey,” you spoke softly as you took in Spencer standing before you. He quickly looked you up and down and smiled, “what are you doing here? I thought you were helping Rossi teach the others how to cook?” He asked.

“Well I was, but I thought my friend might need me more tonight,” you softly smiled at him. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get something to eat,” you shyly asked, “or if you have plans, we can do something another time,” You looked at his attire and enjoyed the blue sport coat he was wearing, along with the colorful shirt under it. His hair was brushed with a light amount of product in it. It was like he was ready to go out.

“No, I was actually going to go to Rossi’s,” he admitted and you knew what that meant for him. It was more than going to Rossi’s, it was actually forgiving JJ and Emily.

“Well, I can take us, if you want,” you offered as you jingled your keys in front of him.

He gave a soft laugh, and nodded his head as he grabbed his stuff from his apartment.

“I just need to stop somewhere real quick to pick something up,” you added.

When you showed up to Rossi’s you were obviously late. But the smile on everyone’s face as Spencer walked in the room was worth it. You walked behind them with your arms wrapped around Derek and let everyone take in Spencer. You quickly handed Rossi, the cannoli’s you made and brought for desert.

After everyone said hello and got to cheers their wine glasses, it was time to cook. Instead of you cooking, Rossi decided you needed to help supervise. As you reminded everyone what the texture of the pasta had to be, and how the pancetta should look like cooked, you felt yourself always catching Spencer’s eyes and smiling.

“What’s that about?” Emily asked from behind you.

You turned startled by her, “what do you mean?”

“You and Reid, you guys came together and now you won’t keep your eyes off of each other. So what’s going on?” She asked.

You shook your head, “nothing is going on. I just gave Spencer a ride,” you responded.

“Uh-huh,” Emily skeptically looked at you. You rolled your eyes at her. Once you knew Emily wasn’t looking you slipped a glance at Spencer again and saw him smiling and laughing at something Garcia said. You couldn’t help but smile at them.

“I should say thank you,” you heard JJ say behind you.

You turned and looked at him, “why?” You asked a bit confused.

“You brought Spencer here, and he’s talking to me again. I can’t help but think you had something to do with that,” she answered.

“I didn’t do anything. He came to that conclusion on his own,” you responded.

“Well, either way, thank you for being there for him. I know he has a hard time opening up and trusting people,” she whispered. You nodded your head unsure how to respond. Out of everyone on the team you knew JJ and Emily the least as they weren’t on the team when you joined and had just returned.

As the finishing touches were put on everyone’s pasta you took a seat at Rossi’s big dinner table. You were used to sitting next to Garcia and Rossi. You expected the same people to sit near you but Spencer was quick to steal the seat where Garcia usually sat. You looked up at the young doctor standing over you as he placed a bowl of pasta in front of you. His smile told you everything. The weight of his anger had lifted and he felt rejuvenated. You gave him an odd look as he placed his glass of wine in the spot next to you. He just gave you a goofy face back. You ignored it, but you couldn’t help the feeling bubbling in your chest as you over thought him picking the seat next to you instead of next to the others like JJ, Emily or Derek.

You felt bloated after your meal but it didn’t really matter to you because you felt loved. With your Italian heritage, eating and sharing moments like this is where you felt most loved. This was no exception. You loved this BAU family that you were a part of. As the night went on and moved from the dining table to outside in Rossi’s backyard. You crawled into a loveseat couch and Spencer followed and sat next to you. You pulled a blanket off the back of the seat and draped it across you both. Spencer smiled in gratefulness.

“Say Grazie to the wonderful Y/N, for making and bringing the cannoli,” he announced and brought out the delish Italian treat.

“Oh my gosh I love cannoli,” squealed Garcia. Each person grabbed one and a silence fell over the group as they ate their cannoli. You couldn’t help but snuggle into Spencer a bit as the night moved forward and the talking kept going.

Slowly people left. Hotch was one of the first to go as he had to get back to Jack, then Derek and Garcia, next was JJ and Emily, and you and Reid.

The drive back to Spencer’s was filled with music theory facts, as the two of you got on the subject because you played your favorite songs playlist. One by one you each played songs that mean something to you. You enjoyed hearing the songs that made Spencer Reid, Spencer. They were all over the spectrum of music from classical to pop to indie to folk. You two sat in the parking lot for about an hour before you felt yourself yawning often.

“I should go so you can get home,” Spencer noted sadly.

“Unfortunately, I think you’re right,” you agreed.

“Unfortunately?” His right eyebrow was raised flirtatiously.

You blushed, “yeah, I had a fun night with you.” You looked down in embarrassment.

Spencer moved to place his hand on yours. He hesitated for a second then covered your hand. “I had a fun night too,” he admitted. You looked up at him and smiled.

“Good, because I still owe you a dinner,” you added playfully.

Spencer pulled his lips in and bit them, then let them slide out into a soft smile. “I look forward to it,” he responded.

He waited at the apartment complex entrance for you to pull away.

The memory of tonight would be one you cherished for a long time.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #david rossi #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #derek morgan #criminal minds season 7 fanfics #criminal minds imagines #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #ssa-dg

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razorblade180 · 3 years

Note

Overall thoughts on V8? Assuming you didn't answer this already.

I meant to do a volume wrap up review but I got incredibly busy and it fell to the waste side. The thing about me judging RWBY I have to come at it from two angles or I won’t feel like I judged it appropriately. There’s the casual, first time seeing the episodes and seeing this through the lens as a casual watcher who probably only sees the episodes once or twice. But then there’s the other side to that coin. I review these episodes, write aus, theorize, check extended lore, listen to the music, etc; that means I have to go back and watch episodes several times for any given reason and that’s when you start noticing the holes or picking up on things you didn’t before.

As a casual watcher, I’d give this an 8/10. There’s plenty of moments where characters do things that got me excited and plot points I wanted explored. This volume actually gave a decent amount of things I wanted for quite some time and some things I didn’t know I needed. Certainly there are things I don’t like in this but I’m open and curious to see where RT takes their storie because it’s their story.

Okay, now as a someone who’s had to deep dive and take a step back multiple times for a variety of reasons. 6.5/10 maybe a 7/10 if I’m being generous. A lot of my problems with this volume are problems that aren’t new to RWBY and that’s just how surface layer portions of arcs are and how a variety of choices/bonds don’t exactly make sense with what we were previously shown, or they only make sense because the writers don’t want introduce other complexities even though they should be there realistically. I’ll give a couple examples of these and yes, I’m aware what I say doesn’t bother everyone but it bothers me.

Qrow was never angry at or brought up Robyn being the reason their airship crashed in the first place because she started the fight; which aids in Clover dying.

Emerald follows Cinder, not Salem. Even if Cinder is working under Salem, why would Emerald be so willingly to complete shift to the side that actively goes against Cinder? There’s been no grand revelation to make Emerald believe Cinder doesn’t give a damn about her. Leaving made sense because she was about to get tortured. Going full turncoat right now doesn’t. No change happened. Emerald always hated being near Salem but adored Cinder no matter the crimes and the show hasn’t done anything to switch that view point.

I’m happy Whitley and Weiss had a touching sibling moment that implies they’re okay and making/made up, but there was never a conversation about the actual problem and thoughts that had them at odds in the first place. Weiss saving his and Willow’s life shouldn’t be the thing that smooths things over. It would’ve been terrible if Weiss do something to save their life. Whitley helping Penny is okay I guess because he really had no reason to contribute but did anyways. Even so, a person doing a morally correct thing doesn’t automatically warrant the conflict between him and Weiss’s resolved.

We got Cinder’s backstory; it didn’t tell us anything about how she eventually came into contact with Salem. Honestly her back story felt more in line of her main goal through the series was an absolute freedom by the means of breaking down the systems that trapped and didn’t give a damn, rather than her quest for power. Yes you can argue gaining power means it’s easier to maintain her freedom to do whatever she wants but I personally think that’s a little off the mark when you gave her a story that involves her trapped by rules and time rather than being too physically weak to gain freedom.

This show has built up that the Schnee family has suffered various types of abuse because of Jacques and uses Weiss as a medium to build towards breaking free from that. Not just overcoming but confronting the abuse by cementing it’s place below you. We don’t really get that. There will never be a moment where the siblings and mother truly get to break out of Jacques grasps emotionally and then put him in his place because he’s dead! Yeah they never have to worry about him again but even last volume they showed Winter still having turmoil and being able to get strung along by him. We don’t even really know how Whitley perceived his father. It feels so lackluster. Then they care to mention how it’s Weiss’s idea to save him like it’s an empowering moment when in actuality, it would be against her character, values of a huntress, and morality to let a person die in cell when you’re the reason they’re in a cell! Letting him die in there would just terrible. I don’t even know why he wasn’t let out in that scene! He’s a coward! He’d follow their orders to save his skin. All he has to do is shut up and walk through a portal.

Ironwood and Oscar both knew they could remove that staff to use it and Atlas wouldn’t drop immediately. Why did nobody have any kind of compromise with one another since there’s nothing stopping them from using the staff for something and then putting it back? They had this morally gray thing going on which I liked but then they decided to make Ironwood go full evil. I’ve never had to say this before but the song he got in V7 and the character they made him be in V8 just don’t connect. I got upset listening to that song recently because I liked that Ironwood.

Clover’s importance. RT tried making a character who had no more than 9 minutes in the series and one meaningful line of dialogue into the cornerstone of a side plot. Clover is such a nothing character. Vine did more than Clover. They try to make him have such a profound impact to the people around him but we never see him bond with his team; Harriet specifically. We get one scene of Clover telling Qrow the kids are fortunate to have Qrow even if he doesn’t think so. First, I doubt Clover knows Qrow decided to get drunk in a ghost town and the kids nearly died and cellar while he did it so that compliment doesn’t hold much weight for me. Second, We see nothing meaningful between the two. V7 has a time skip and just expects viewers to be on board with Clover being this influential change on Qrow without showing anything outside of a witty remark and Clover flexing his semblance. I would’ve bought it more of Qrow almost relapsed and Clover stopped him then had a real meaningful conversation.

Ruby goes against Ironwood only to then want to do a plan that’s aligned to longer term thinking than even his, talks about how everyone should be working together, but then adds a part in her video to actively antagonize and vilify Ironwood. Afterwards, she wonders where everything went wrong and doesn’t think of a plan or do anything to immediately help either kingdom until the final hour between the ultimatum being made, to everything getting destroyed. The inciting incident was disagreeing Mantle should be left in favor of Atlas but the main character didn’t do anything to help Mantle 90% of the season and hindered Atlas’s safety up until the final plan.

Yang is used to be the devil’s advocate in a bunch of situations, but she’s wrong most of the time or her lines just don’t make any sense. They weren’t doing just fine before Atlas. They almost died every step of the way. The team didn’t beat a Leviathan; silver eyes and a robot take credit for that. Why would Blake think less of Yang for wanting to go save people immediately? Blake was never mad at anyone to begin with. Yang consistently calls out people for following orders as if it’s objectively wrong, but is never called out on the fact she hasn’t followed anybody’s orders but her own and added discourse to every situation. I get RT is making her ask questions because that’s what Raven told her to do, but all she’s really doing is picking fights and disobeying every order. Yang states to Ruby they accomplished more than they expected. That’s false, getting Oscar back is correcting a mistake caused by her own plan that she didn’t even complete.

It took 6 volumes before Yang had anything to do with the Summer Rose subplot again and 7 volumes before her and Ruby had a sister to sister conversations; 5 if you wanna count Yang telling Ruby to leave at the end of volume three. The reason I bring this up is because in V8 , they treat their argument as if it’s a big deal but then have every character say it wasn’t that big a deal; but then have two circle back to that conversation later after having neither character discuss to anybody that the argument actually did weigh on them. Yang doesn’t think about Ruby until she sees her again and the closest we get with Ruby is Blake reassuring her that people need her and how Blake admires her. I like that scene but it’s not the same as Ruby actually airing out the specific point that Yang said something that Ruby found hurtful. Vol8 in general people trying to comfort others but nobody ever actually addresses what made them uncomfortable to start with. Except Ren.

This one is a nitpicking but I’ll say it anyways. Penny getting hacked only served as a purpose to go to the vault, a thing Ironwood already wanted them to do. Nobody got her because she was hacked. You can’t even say her getting hacked is the leading factor to her actually dying because Penny became a vulnerable human afterwards that can’t be rebuilt. Pietro was gone, and already stated last volume he doesn’t have the aura to build Penny again. If she died as a robot then it’s still permanent death. No core, no Pietro, and no aura; hacking her was just to create a Hound reveal situation and make them go to the vault on a different set of terms. I’m not exactly upset with this, but I don’t understand why the extra steps. The Hound was hunting her anyways. I would’ve brought some kind of value if she hurt a friend and it caused them to potentially hinder the plan later on or remove them entirely. Penny could’ve rekt Yang and it only adds value to Yang getting one shot later. I don’t know. I’m rambling.

I think I’ve wasted enough people’s time. Honestly, I do like this volume. I’ve enjoyed a bunch of it. But there’s things that legitimately make me think it’s not as good others and makes V7 even worse.

#rwby #rwby volume 8 #ask me stuff

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tiedisms · 4 years

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◟ * hello and welcome to tiedisms : my brand new baby , which will hopefully help you out when you’re plotting , putting together a connections page for ur muse , etc ! while i’ll mostly be reblogging gifsets & other inspo - posts , i wanted to kick things off with a connection masterlist --------- under the cut you’ll find some possible connections + some promts to get you going , as well as examples of specific connections i’ve written for my wanted pages . i’d appreciate any likes and reblogs if you find this helpful at all !!

◟ * platonic .

childhood friends : did they grow up on the same street ? perhaps they could look into each other’s rooms through their windows ? muse a knows how muse b got that awful scar above their knee & muse b knows the details of muse a’s first kiss . people who’ve known each other their entire lives often work in synch , tend to think they know what’s best for the other , too . have they managed to stay friends through the years ? did they grow apart after high school or maybe get into a huge fight ? so many possibilies !

this said , friends who’ve grown apart : losing a friend can cause just as much heartache as a break up ! did life get in the way or did something cause a strain on the relationship ? did one person have to exit the situation because the friendship was becoming more and more toxic ? have they been asking mutual friends about the other or did they cut ties entirely ?

roommates . did they want to move in together or did they respond to the same craigslist add ? did they move in at the same time or did one of them come around later , new girl style ? do they get along or do they butt heads at every corner ? who cooks and who does the dishes ? who’s always way too loud and who complains about the noise ?

best friend’s sibling / sibling’s best friend . extended family of sorts , have always remained at the sidelines of each other’s lives . do they seem to take on sibling roles around one another , too ? or are they pretending to get along for their friend’s sake ?

shared ex . listen to fiona apple’s ‘ newspaper ‘ ! you can read this plot , as i’ve written it for my own connections page , down below .

good / bad influence . people’s lifestyles rub off on each other ! is one actively trying to change the other or is it simply a side - effect of them spending so much time together ? does the bad influence ever feel wrong for taking the other down a dark path ? does the good influence ever worry the other is far beyond saving ?

◟ * romantic .

friends to lovers : perhaps my favorite trope of all time ! look back at that childhood friends connection & now add years of unspoken feelings . how long have they been in love with each other ? who fell in love first ? are they even aware of their feelings ? growing in love instead of falling ! what would their families and other friends think ? are there already rumors and jokes about them being together ? is one of them currently in a relationship or getting over an ex ? do they find it hard to commit to other people , unaware that they’re always going to put each other first ? // alternatively : friends to lovers but after it’s crashed and burned , hate each other for how things ended between them , but still feel so much love for each other because they were always friends first .

casual exes : the type that ended on good terms , are maybe still friends , too . why did they break up and how did they manage to do so amicably ? i heard somewhere that if you’re still friends after a break up u either never were in love or are still in love --- is that the case for them ? do they find it easy to laugh about their time together or is there still some awkwardness there ?

unrequited crush . let your muses have innocent crushes ! we all fall in love with the idea of a person sometimes . does the person they have a crush on use that to boost their ego ? or are they constantly trying to distance themselves ? does your muse want to make a move or are they content admiring from afar ? what do they like about this person ?

sexual tension . the air is heavy between them & there’s clearly something there that they haven’t acted upon yet . why ? is it because they want to be mindful of other people ? because they don’t like each other much ? because they’re good friends and don’t want to ruin that ? have they acted upon their feelings before but promised to never do that again ?

◟ * examples .

* you don't ever have to be stronger than you really are . ——— in which . . . whenever tears pool in the corners of doe eyes , the other is there to stop them from flooding the room . the purest love x's ever known , a guardian angel , a hand to hold when things get tough .

* we were cursed the moment that he kissed us . ——— in which . . . a shared love for someone who can't show affection kindly brought the two closer than anything else ever could , the overlapping memories of a past lover binding them forever .

* it's a bad time for a good time . ——— in which . . . nothing stings like rejection does , pride often stronger than unfulfilled desires . now , they spit venom whenever they try to lure them back underneath their sheets .

* pour a little salt , we were never here ——— in which . . . love lingers just underneath the surface , heard in every word they say , but never confessed . doomed from the start , both nearly choke when calling each other just friends .

* you can count on me to misbehave ——— in which . . . just kids playing games , felt young whenever she was around them until a drunken night changed the way they saw each other , newfound tension bringing nothing but chaos .

* in my head , i do everything right ——— in which . . . heart full of love , but hands empty ; x was careless with their feelings , ran away the first time they had a fight , fell right back into someone else's arms .

* fuck and make up like it's maybelline , ——— in which . . . tangled up in each other's sheets almost every day , can never truly say goodbye despite their constant fights ; anger fuels lust , the roughness of it all only makes it more exciting for a girl dying to feel anything .

* don't blame the drunk caller , ——— in which . . . late nights have never been kind to x & there's a number they never removed from their speed dial . both swear the love has gone cold , but x still calls and they always pick up .

* baby , i was born tired , ——— in which . . . end hard days tangled in each other's arms on the couch , smoke filling the air , no pressure in a safe space . a platonic soulmate , someone to cling to when you need it most .

* must try harder than kissing all of my friends , ——— in which . . . nothing stings like rejection when you're used to people crawling at your feet , x has weaved her way into the lives and beds of people around them , as if to prove a point , begging for attention .

#rph #rpt #. . . . .what other tags do people use #please dont let me flop

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cheshiregrimmjow · 4 years

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Why everyone needs to stop what they’re doing right now and watch Gargoyles...

1994 blessed us with a rare gem of television: Gargoyles. It had the perfect blend of good story telling, character development, cultural representation, mythology, fantasy, action, romance, and timeless themes. It has stood the test of time. At the very heart of the story is a message that I feel everyone in today’s cultural climate needs to hear and remember...

Forgiveness and compassion are the only way forward to peace and change.

For those of you who aren’t at all familiar with the story, I shall attempt to summarize the intricate plot. In 994 AD, a clan of gargoyles, stone by day and living beings by night, protect a castle in Scotland. When the castle and the gargoyles are betrayed and many of them killed, a spell is put on the survivors that puts them in an eternal sleep (broken only if their castle rises above the clouds).

Fast forward 1000 years. A wealthy owner of a multi-national organization hears of the legend and moves the castle and gargoyles stone by stone to the top of his Manhattan skyscraper. Come night, they revive for the first time in a millennia, finding themselves in a world much changed. Humans no longer believe that gargoyles ever lived, and they find themselves alone and disoriented.

The leader of the gargoyles, Goliath, soon meets an NYPD detective, by the name of Elisa Maza. Like all modern humans, her initial instinct upon seeing the monstrous creature is one of fear. She recoils from him, accidentally falling off the battlements of the castle. Naturally, he swoops down and saves her, then climbs back to the top with her clinging to his back (because gargoyles can’t fly, only glide). He tells her to trust him. She listens to his story and decides to befriend him, immediately resolving to teach him and his kind how to live in this modern world. Thus begins a wonderful relationship.

Gargoyles have one primary purpose in life - to protect their demesne from enemies by night. Goliath and the Manhattan protectorate soon learn that those who threaten the peace are not in the form of foreign invaders, but the very citizens of the city who refuse to abide by human law. They partner with Elisa to help control the crime in the city (ranging from scaring off would-be purse snatchers, to busting up protection rackets, and of course, battling the super villains who want nothing more than for all of humanity to be destroyed).

But everywhere they go, the people of the city treat them with fear and hatred - even the ones they help. With few exceptions, the gargoyles are viewed as monsters. Granted, the gargoyles have to keep a low profile due to their vulnerability during the day - so the humans don’t really know much about them. Even so, the ones who do get a chance to meet them tend to view them as nothing more than tools to be used or beasts that deserve eradication.

Goliath knows that humans fear what they do not understand. He acknowledges it and accepts it, but he never stops hoping and striving for a world where his race can live in harmony with humanity - as equals. No matter how many times he and his kind are betrayed, shunned, and mistreated, he forgives them and moves forward. Though occasionally tempted to vengeance when his family and loved ones are killed or attacked, reason always prevails over hatred. He never stops protecting them. He never stops valuing them. And because of his respect and eventual love for Elisa, he knows that humans are capable of understanding and accepting one such as he.

Elisa, for her part, is the ideal person to befriend a justice oriented race of beings. She is a cop, after all. She takes her oath “to serve and protect” very seriously. When she sees injustice, she won’t stop until it’s dealt with. She works within the confines of the law (but also tolerates the gargoyles bringing a heavy hand on criminals caught in the act).

Elisa is also uniquely able to see through to the heart of her strange friends because of her own background. Elisa’s mother is Nigerian and her father is a Native American. Her father was also a police sergeant. They forged a strong marriage, despite many ethnic and cultural differences, and raised their three children to see past appearances and stereotypes. When their son ends up having a drastic appearance change (thanks to the reckless experiments of a mad scientist), they quickly overcome their shock and accept him as he is.

Similarly, Elisa begins to fall in love with Goliath, despite the difference in their race. Just like many people on the show, some viewers see this relationship as problematic because it condones “bestiality” or “monster-f***ing”. If you can watch Gargoyles to the end and believe this - congratulations, you missed the point of the whole show (and you might struggle with racism). One, Goliath is not an animal, so bestiality is not an accurate descriptor. If Elisa had fallen in love with lovable gargoyle/dog Bronx - that would have been bestiality. Furthermore, Goliath is not a monster. He is an intelligence, deep-thinking, compassionate, forgiving, and honorable person. His outside appearance and unique culture is the only thing that separates him from other humans. Elisa sees that and accepts it, though she struggles with her feelings for him for a long time. She eventually decides that the obstacles to their relationship cannot stand up to the depth of their love, respect, devotion, and trust in each other.

Goliath has fewer reservations than she does, but I appreciate that the show made a point to reveal to us that Goliath did not find her attractive from the beginning. Her human form was not appealing to him and it wasn’t until she was temporarily transformed into a gargoyle that he noticed her beauty. In the same way that she saw past his looks to the heart of him, he also saw past her appearance to the heart of her. It was their love of people, their insatiable desire to protect, and their strong sense of justice that made them so compatible. Though both have their flaws, like all of us - they face their demons, take ownership of their failures, and extend grace to each other and their enemies.

I look around me today and listen to the words that people are saying to each other (particularly on this very website), and I wish that more people could be like these two. Instead of looking at the color of a person’s skin or the uniform they wear and making assumptions about their thoughts, beliefs, or character, we should all attempt to get to know people as individuals. I wish we would stop clinging to our self-assigned clan labels, whatever those may be (white, black, cop, civilian, privileged, minority, etc.). I wish we would realize that we are the same in all the ways that truly matter.

I wish we would look at the injustice around us and unite to stand against it - instead of creating more injustice by responding to crime with more crime, hate with more hate, racism with more racism, bigotry with more bigotry. I wish we would look at humanity and recognize that while racism and bigotry will always exist in the hearts of some, most people are eager to look past our differences and bond over what we have in common, if given half a chance. I wish we would learn to forgive the faults of others and acknowledge our own. I wish we would take more chances on people.

Violence, protests, vengeance, and anger will not move us to a place of unity. They have their place. Injustice should incite righteous anger. But we can’t dwell in a place of hatred and hurt. At some point, we must forgive and extend a hand to the people across from us. Relationships are the only way forward to peace and unity.

Many “white” people don’t understand the “black” community and vice versa. Many civilians don’t understand the police community. It’s so easy to look at evil people from both groups and extrapolate stereotypes to everyone in those groups. And that WILL NOT END until we stop generalizing and trying to dehumanize each other. Get to know some people who look different from you or live in another neighborhood as you. Get to know some of the men and women who took an oath to serve and protect everyone in their communities (like Elisa Maza) and decide if denying them their calling is the answer to our problems.

In Gargoyles, there are three races: Fey, humans, and gargoyles. Humanity is treated as one race. I think it’s high time we started thinking that way ourselves. Though humanity has great ethnic and cultural diversity, we are the same in all the ways that truly matter.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Goliath: I still don't understand how Dracon could ever believe that you would turn to a life of crime.

Elisa Maza: I guess the corrupted are the first to believe that somebody else can be corrupted. And it's not impossible. None of us are perfect, that's why we need protection, even from ourselves sometimes.

Goliath: Then I will protect you, you will protect me, and together we will protect this city.

#gargoyles #racism #peace through unity #black lives matter #blue lives matter #gargoyle lives matter #sometimes a kids tv show from the 90's has more wisdom than half the people posting on tumblr #stop the violence #forgiveness #compassion #one race #the human race #stand up to injustice #if you are spreading hate you are part of the problem #if you dehumanize people who don't believe the same as you - you are part of the problem #love your enemies #do good to those who persecute you #treat others the way you want to be treated #be the change you want to see in the world

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stygianflood · 3 years

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4-7 in each category please!

Hi anon, I hope you're well 💕 I had so much fun answering these.

Ship Questions

Pre-relationship

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Ethan. He tells himself he's taking her to Miami because she's his only friend and confidant (which is true). But by this time, Ethan has this constant need to be around Aparna, to ask after her day, update her about Naveen and hope she'd ask after him too.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Ethan- All through Book 1 after Miami and until he gives in and kisses her in Book 2.

Aparna- All through the beginning of Book 2, and a while after the senator's incident. (My hc differs from canon at this point)

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Might have a ficlet on this soon ❤️

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

I'm taking this to mean 'if MC never read Ethan's book'. Aparna would have a PhD in Microbiology. Her ex, Amit who I've spoken of in 'Other Echoes' would still be there in her life in some capacity, but I don't see them married.

Ethan would still terrorise interns and be cynical about life in general. His career would be the same. He wouldn't fall in love. He would still date, but not settle. Naveen and Alan would be his only family. He wouldn't give Louise a second chance. (God, that man should be worshipping her)

General

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Aparna had one serious relationship and some casual dating before Ethan. But what she feels for Ethan is life altering and definitely a first for her. It hasn't been a picnic for her. But she knows she wouldn't be happy with anyone else once she's known what it is to love Ethan Ramsey.

Ethan had his share of flings at college and one on and off brief relationship as an attending. Aparna is the first and the last woman he loves. He's never been more baffled by anything or anyone. And he knows his life wouldn't be the same without her as long as Aparna Mukherjee walked the earth.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Aparna is 5'4", Ethan I suppose 6'4". Ethan is 10 years older than her.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Alan dotes on Aparna. Louise with limited presence in their lives, respects Ethan's choice and even warms up to Aparna once she learns of her role in making Ethan forgive her.

Aparna's mother and siblings adore Ethan. Her father is the tough nut, but they bond over Aparna's lacklustre attitude to her investments. Eventually he is their biggest supporter when her extended family biennially reminds her that she's 30+ and unmarried.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Aparna. Whether it's a besotted intern or a good-natured old attending, people just adore her.

Love

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

It could be Aparna lying with her head on his lap watching a series he knows nothing about as he works on his paper, a hand in her hair. Or Aparna hugging him from behind, massaging his shoulders as he flops down on the couch after a particularly long day. They cuddle a lot.

They don't engage in much PDA except for some hand holding, or Ethan's hand on her shoulder or hers around his waist, as they walk down to the hospital from Derry's. Or a quick kiss after a break at Derry's.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Until he breaks up with her at the beginning of her second year, it used to be Aparna. After Ethan gives in at the softball game, it's mostly him. Eventually it's both of them.

6. Who’s the big and the little spoon?

Ethan is the big spoon. But it takes some time to settle into the habit, because my girl is a violent sleeper to begin with 🤷🏻‍♀️

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

They love cooking in silence.

Workouts. She's hated cardio all her life. Ethan introduces her to strength training.

Opera is high on the list.

They travel a lot. Ethan makes a mental note to make it happen when she almost dies and regrets that she has not travelled enough.

Domestic Life

4. Do they have any pets?

Of course. Aparna and Jenner dote on each other, so much so that Ethan often calls him a traitor. And on his 50th birthday, Aparna brings home a labrador pup. Before Ethan can think of a favourite physician, Aparna names him Padfoot and he won't respond to Ethan's Osler or Fleming.

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

Separate HC coming up soon ❤️

6. Who worries the most?

Aparna's near death experience changes something in Ethan. So it's definitely him.

As for their day to day life, they really don't, as long as they have each other. It's not the perfect household. But it's a happy one.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Both of them, unless it's in a weird place that Aparna cannot reach.

#as queue like it #anon #ship questions #ethan x aparna

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dustedmagazine · 3 years

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Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines

I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.

On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.

It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.

That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.

Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.

They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.

So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)

Greet Death — New Hell

New Hell by Greet Death

This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.

Holy Fuck — Deleter

youtube

Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.

Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone

Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs

As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.

Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle

Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick

It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.

Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.

Other Favorites

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II

Anastasia Minster — Father

Deftones — Ohms

Hum — Inlet

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song

Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era

Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today

Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic

The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges

Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon

Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia

Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO

Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead

Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind

Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.

Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm

Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII

Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018

Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark

Hot Chip — LateNightTales

Ian Mathers

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thecorteztwins · 4 years

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Something I’ve noticed in fiction and RP backstories is that when a character is LGBT, the parents/family react only one or two ways: Total acceptance with no issues, or rejecting/disowning/beating/attempting to kill their kid/etc And both these things do happen in real life. But what’s also very common, and which I rarely see represented or discussed, is a lot of places between the two extremes. For instance, many families are homophobic, but don’t want to lose their child, and the child wants to be themselves but not cut contact with their family. So you get scenarios like having bachelor Uncle Ted and his also-bachelor roommate Rob, who has been his roommate for 20 years, and may even get invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone refers to him as Uncle Ted’s roommate or his friend, and Uncle Ted introduces him that way too, and it’s not until you’re 25 years old that you realize “oh, fuck, Uncle Ted is gay and Rob is his partner!” As bizarre as that scenario seems, it’s a VERY common story. Again, a great many families will, for the sake of keeping the peace, just reach an unspoken agreement that they won’t acknowledge it or bring it up, and that will do the trick. Another common scenario is that Uncle Rob and Ted have been together for 20 years, but you never knew because in this version Ted was never introduced to you, let alone invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. In this version, the family will still accept Uncle Rob, but he has to do more than just say Ted is his roommate, Ted can’t be in the picture at all and Rob can’t mention him to anyone, especially not his parents or to you kids. You don’t find out about Ted till you’re an adult and between homes and need a place to stay and shack up at their place. It’s totally surreal but it happens. It happens a lot. There are also many parents who will be fine with their kid being gay in theory, but upset at the idea of the kid bringing home a partner. Or they’re fine with that, they just can’t let the partner meet the grandparents or extended family, who aren’t as accepting as the parents are, that’s very often the case. They may also “accept” when their teen or twenty-something comes out, but that’s because they expect it to just be a phase, and become concerned when it proves NOT to be. Or, if the kid is bisexual, they may assume they were proven correct when the kid brings home an opposite-sex partner. There are also parents who have nothing against homosexuality or bisexuality or being trans in themselves, but who have concerns related to what risks their child will be exposed to because of it. I once read an interview with a black lesbian who came out to her mother, and her mother’s reaction wasn’t to condemn being gay itself, but it wasn’t positive either---her mother said “You’re already black and a woman, why do you want to add being gay on top of that?” Her mother’s concern was the oppression her daughter would face. Likewise, a family might love their gay son no matter what, but be worried when he comes out as gay because they believe that this means he’s very likely to get AIDS, and they don’t want that to happen to him. My mother’s very accepting of ALL people on the LGBT rainbow, but she has said to me that she is less worried about me as a lesbian in this regard than a gay man, because STDs are harder to spread between cis lesbians. Speaking of my parents, they’re about the most accepting pair I could ask for. My sexuality is a non-issue to them, and they support all forms of gay and trans rights. But they’re also in their 60s, and not part of the LGBT community itself, and certainly not actively following how rapidly terminology and ideas are evolving now in the age of the Internet; the accepted view and words used around trans people, for instance, have changed really radically just in the past 10 years. So, my folks do hold some ideas that modern Tumblr would deem “problematic” such as my mom feeling that gay men are inherently more artistic and nurturing, because that’s what the gay men she’s known were like. Also, while she does NOT believe this anymore, she used to believe that men became gay because their fathers were bad or absent, because that’s what was the common view when she was a young woman in the 80s, and matched the situation of the gay men she met. She likewise asked me if I was a lesbian because sex with women was more gentle. Again, she knows you’re born gay NOW but in the past, those were common ideas, and the ideas that she therefore was exposed to. It didn’t make her hateful or bigoted, she was accepting of gay people even before I was born, let alone before I came out, but it did make her incorrect and going off stereotypes that corresponded to her own experiences and perceptions. So maybe your character’s mom didn’t have a fit and throw them out, but maybe she did also think that now her son would want to go shopping with her or that her daughter would want to take up golf. Also, while both my parents are very accepting of sexuality, they do get a bit more problematic in terms of how they judge gender expression. My mom is uneasy with butch women, and my dad kind of scoffs/is amused by femme men (yet oddly, has no issue with trans women, nor does my mom have an issue with trans men) This is another VERY common viewpoint I encounter---people not having an issue with the idea of same-sex activity and relationships in themselves, but in how “flamboyant” the person is. With many people, they disapprove of flamboyant gay men and butch women, but oddly in some cases it can go the other way around too; there are people who are just fine with the idea of flamboyantly gay makeup artists, drag queens, talk show hosts, fashion gurus, and hairdressers, but are more uneasy at the idea of perfectly “normal” businessmen or soccer moms who just also happen to be queer. There’s entire articles (probably essays) out there about how gay men in particular are marketed by shows like Queer Eye as basically being cute happy helpers to straight people, the cliche Sassy Gay Friend who just exists for the sake of supporting his female friends, etc. I’ve often wondered if lesbians don’t get the same media presence because we’re not seen as “useful” to heterosexual people in the same way (not that it’s any fun for real gay men to be pigeonholed that way either) So your character’s family may accept them but also start expecting stereotypical behavior from them, like giving their girly-girl daughter a tool kit after she comes our, or they may not BELIEVE them when they do because they’re NOT stereotypical, and that’s the only exposure to gay people that they have from media. You’ll notice I’ve thus far given examples only for a kid being gay or bi. That’s because I’m going off things I’ve personally encountered or heard of. I don’t have a lot of stories on how people react to their kid coming out as trans, but I imagine there’s just as much variation; I would check places like AskReddit for coming stories if you’re looking to find examples of reactions that are likewise somewhere in between total acceptance vs total rejection. For people who are asexual or non-binary, I reckon the biggest issue is just that the parents don’t know what the heck that even is, or don’t believe it exists, but I may be wrong, since I also don’t have much experience with this nor heard much secondhand either. Again, I’d seek out real stories from people and see what ideas you can get from those. Everyone’s coming out story or story of a family member’s coming out (or how said family member never came out, etc) is a little different. I hope this was helpful!

#writing #rp stuff #rp tips #writing tips #lgbt #writing lgbt #out of cortez

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cherrybloomn · 4 years

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Delicate - Chapter 3

Note: ok Chapter 3 is here. Your opinion is always welcomed (criticism included!). Its my first stoey ever so please be kind. I know I have much to work on, but I hope that it will get better and better.

I would like to thank very (VERY) much @musings-sans-muse and @shellbilee for your support, help, ideas, everything! You girls rock!!

Thank you @oddsnendsfanfics for your encouragement!

Warnings: swearing

April 2020

Naomi spent the whole March shooting her show in Berlin (as there was a theatre festival) and preparing the charity event for children. She managed to schedule everything– the place (Hyde Park), the catering, the guests. Obviously, everything was cancelled due to coronavirus restrictions. Everyone was forbidden to go to the tv studio, so Naomi worked on the new scripts of the episodes, watched movies, wrote reviews of new plays, etc.

Since their last lunch, Naomi had been regularly in touch with Henry, mostly via WhatsApp. They have met a couple of times. The more she talked with him, the more she liked him. He made her laugh. But not only that. He seemed to care about others, yet had this reasonable attitude - often saying that you can’t change the world alone.

She valued him for being the voice of reason. They have known each other for only two months, yet she told him a lot about her family and difficult relationship with her father (who was a real - life spitting image of Logan Roy from The Succession), her issues with James, her weird fascinations of criminal stories about murderers and disappearances and the II World War.

One day she had just come home and put the groceries on the kitchen island, when her phone buzzed. She picked up the video call. Henry. The thought of seeing his face and talking to him always shifted her mood. “Hello boy. Give me a moment I need to wash my hands. I’ve just been out in a bad, bad store.” She giggled and headed to the bathroom with her phone, placing it next to the sink.

“Of course. I can see your tits now, by the way. No worries though, I enjoy the view.” He chuckled lightly. Naomi rolled her eyes and quickly moved the phone to the higher counter. She took a minute to study Henry’s face. Something was off. She couldn’t tell if he looked sad or tired. It was off though. She was wondering why. In this very moment she also realized that he was one of very few people, who were… important to her. Not in a romantic kind of way. No. Naomi didn’t date, she didn’t want to build a relationship with any man, not anymore. Still, he was important.

“Helloo..” Henry waved his hand from the other side of the screen.

“I’m sorry. I thought of my round, perfect, little tits. Changing the awkward subject, how are you doing in times of isolation? You look tired. Is everything ok?” Naomi dried her hands with a towel, grabbed her phone and headed to the kitchen. She placed her phone on the kitchen island, leant on her elbows and focused on the phone screen.

“I’m fine. A bit anxious I think. Not my best day today. That’s why I’m calling. I expect to hear some entertaining story about your crazy childhood.”

She laughed, and thought for a moment. “I’m not in the mood today. You know, I almost got a role in the Moulin Rouge musical in the Old Vic. I mean I did get the part of Satine, and I was so excited, as it would be my debut after all these years. Unfortunately, they called today that due to the lockdown, the project has been entirely called off.” She shrugged “At least Netflix doesn’t disappoint. There’s the Money Heist premiere today.”

After a second she added “Join me today! Look I know it’s illegal, alright? But I can promise we will keep the two – meter distance. I can offer you good whiskey and whatever meal the chosen restaurant could provide. Except for pizza and other carbo shit. I’m on a low-carbo diet. You know I’d love to say I’m one of those women who can eat everything because they’re so cool and don’t care about their looks or have a wonderful metabolism. But unfortunately, I’m not them. My metabolism is my enemy and I do fucking care about how I look because the CEO of BBN asks about my weight like once a month.” She smiled at him “So, take it or leave it.”

“I take it. I can cook something if you want. Oh, can I take Kal with me?”

“Cooking – ok. Sounds cool. Kal – Henry, in general of course. But you need to keep in mind I’ve got two Pomeranians – and as much as they love people and small dogs, they sometimes hate the big ones. So, bring Kal with you and in case there’s war, I’ll take Marilyn and Audrey to my neighbor.”

They discussed the details about the dogs’ meeting and decided to meet at 6 pm. Naomi took her time to call her mum and friends, take her dogs for a walk and take a shower. Afterwards she applied a bit of makeup, put on her black Nike leggings and white tank top. She let her hair loose so that it could dry quickly. Just after she poured herself a glass of water, her phone buzzed and Henry informed, he’s waiting outside with Kal. Naomi called her dogs and all of them headed to the small park near her apartment. Naomi couldn’t stop laughing when she spotted Henry with the Salvador Dali mask on – a kind of tribute to Money Heist, which they were going to watch.

Unfortunately, just as Naomi thought, there was no love between Kal and Marylin. At least Audrey accepted the big bear immediately. Naomi decided to take Marylin to her neighbor, and the rest of them headed to her place.

Much to Naomi’s surprise, Henry cooked a delicious dinner, and they spent the whole evening watching five episodes of the Netflix series. Being her kittenish self, Naomi gently touched Henry’s knee with her toes from time to time. “Heey… relax.” She said with a smile. “I can tell you something nice, wanna hear?”

Henry raised his eyebrow and looked at her with a smirk “Go on, entertain me.” He gently rubbed her ankle with one hand, the other one was supported on the back of the sofa.

“Alright..” Naomi closed her eyes for a moment and enjoyed the delicate massage. Finally she looked him in the eyes. She smiled shyly and turned her face away, “Henry.. Do remind me please, is your dad a boxer?” She asked coyly.

Henry seemed a bit puzzled “No, no. Have I ever said that he was?”

“Well no...but damn, I’m asking because you’re such a knockout!”.

They both burst out with laughter.

“What a cheesy pickup line, I love it! Where do you know that from?”

Naomi started to play with her hair “Well, it happens to me all the time” she joked. “It’s nice to see you laughing.” She added after a second.

At around 3 a.m. they decided it was really late, so they were to terminate their evening with just one glass of Jack Daniels (due to her diet Naomi didn’t drink alcohol, but promised to have a goodbye drink).

Naomi brought two glasses to the living room and sat on the sofa. Henry was sitting on the opposite side. Once Naomi extended her hand and handled him a glass of whiskey, he slowly grabbed the glass with one hand and held her wrist with another. “What a massive rock!” He said, looking closely at her two - carat diamond engagement ring. He gently caressed her knuckles with his thumb. His touch, ever so gentle made Naomi shiver. Something about it felt so wrong and so right at the same time. “Has James proposed to you? I had no idea”. Henry let go of her hand and supported himself on the back of the sofa.

“No, of course not. It’s an engagement ring I was given by my husband. I often wear it.” Naomi didn’t like to talk about her marriage with anyone. She felt very comfortable with Henry and they talked about many personal things, but she never mentioned her married life.

Henry slowly nodded. “You never talk about your marriage.” He took a sip of his drink and after a couple of seconds asked “Do you still love him?”

Naomi zoned out for a second, focusing her eyes on the floor. Her hand tried to retrace Henry’s touch on her knuckles. This touch. So delicate. It was one of the most intimate moments she’s ever experienced. Why was it so intimate - she didn’t know. She had had a lot of sex lately. Mostly with James. James never touched her this way. Why? Why had nobody ever touched her this way, she thought.

“Naomi.” Henry’s low, but soft voice snatched her out of her thoughts. She looked at him with slightly parted lips. What were they talking about? Oh, right. Her ex-husband.

“Do I love my husband? Because I wear the engagement ring? No. Not at all. I just love expensive jewellery with big diamonds.” She chuckled looking at her engagement ring. “That’s the secret. But no. I have no feelings for my ex - husband. As for why I don’t talk about my marriage, there’s just nothing to talk about. I was 20, he was 34 at that time we got married. I wanted to be an actress, he was a serious entrepreneur. I wanted to run away from my mum, who was trying to take over my whole life, and he was looking for a young woman to build a home with. At some point it didn’t work out. We had a nasty divorce and division of assets. He then moved to Moscow, and as far as I know he still lives there. The end.”

Naomi refilled Henry’s glass with whisky, Naomi willed herself to focus back on the conversation and not on the ghost of his touch that lingered on her skin. “What about your love life, Mr. One Hundred Questions to Naomi Poesy?” She asked and winked at him.

“You know how it is Naomi. It’s just hard to get involved with someone, if you have this kind of job. It’s all about either accepting my schedule and traveling with me, or building a long – distance relationship. It hardly ever works. Also…”

Naomi suddenly held her right hand up in a stop gesture. “I’m sorry, but I just have to interrupt here. That sounds like you’re trying to find a justification. I mean – and I’m really sorry for sharing my opinion unasked – but building any relationship is hard in general. Do you really think your situation is any different from a situation of CEOS or anyone who has a career, money and power? The scale may be different but the issues are all the same. I mean a CEO of a big insurance company does have the very same problems. He asks the same questions - if his new other half is with him because of his status, money, position or because she’s in love. And the schedule thing – sure it’s hard to build a relationship when you’re on the set for a couple of months and it literally consumes all of your time. Trust me though, it’s not easier if you work as a physician or a lawyer, or if you work in a big tv corporation like I do. Instead of being on the set for a couple of months, people work their asses off every day, because they have loans to pay, plans to realize. And they usually don’t have any breaks. The fact that you get back home to your other half after 9 pm does not necessarily make your relationship better. It’s just the matter of what you’re expecting from a relationship.”

Henry just nodded and added after a moment “I just want to have a family of my own.”

“Well. But this is not the answer to the question of what you are expecting from a relationship. I mean, obviously everyone wants to start a family. The question is – what does it mean to you? Some want to start a family because they hate to be lonely, some feel like they need to take care of others, and some just feel like it makes them feel complete. You know sometimes you meet the person you resonate with, you feel the great chemistry with, but it just doesn’t work because of lots of other factors like the timing, circumstances etc. So, what I mean is that you really need to know what you expect from your partner so that you can fight for it.” She thought about what she said for a minute “Hm.. it sounded much wiser in my head before I verbalized it.”

Henry laughed and looked her in the eyes licking his lips. That gentle touch. After a few seconds of glancing at each other she smiled at him and shyly turned her face away. “Ok, enough. Don’t try to charm me here.” She grabbed her phone from the coffee table. “Man, it’s 4 am! I’m not surprised I’m bubbling something half intelligent. I should be sleeping already, I have promised to help Sarah tomorrow morning. This morning. If you want to you can stay, I have a guest room and a spare toothbrush.”

“Thank you, but I guess I better get back home.” He grabbed his phone and ordered an Uber. “I just have to say” he started as they both stood up and headed towards the hall. “You are so tiny without high heels!”

She laughed “No shit Sherlock.”

“No, but seriously. I wanted to say” he stopped there and looked at Kal. It seemed like he was fighting with his thoughts whether to verbalize what he wanted to say or not. “I really like spending time with you.”

Naomi crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t date Cavill.” She said with a smile.

Henry just nodded and leaned towards her, so close that their faces were just inches away, and said “Well, pity.” He chuckled and leaned even closer to give her a goodbye kiss on a cheek “Bye, girl. Get some sleep.” He then took a step away and called for Kal, who was already bouncing on his legs ready to go.

Naomi reached to open the front door for them, but instead of doing it, she turned towards Henry and leaned against the door. She noticed his clenched jaw, then placed her eyes on his lips and eyes. She slowly grabbed the drawstring of his hood with her right hand and wrapped it around her fingers. “Hey.. I don’t, but what would you do if I did date…?” she asked playfully. She bit her bottom lip in anticipation.

“Naomi..” Henry smiled lightly at her, and tenderly touched her cheek, moving his fingers from her cheekbone through her lips to her chin. He was slowly studying her face. Naomi looked at him stunned, her lips parted, she was not expecting that.

“I’m 37. I’m too old to play this game. Please, don’t play with me.” He stroked her cheek once more with his index finger and stepped back. He fastened Kal’s leash. In the meantime Naomi unlocked the door and moved back.

“Goodbye” He gave her a warm smile and left.

Naomi quickly closed the door and tried to understand what had just happened. She felt all the emotions at once - arousal, humiliation, sadness, anger, happiness. She brushed her fingers through her cheek. That gentle touch. She took a deep breath. In her entire life Naomi had always been the “tough guy” - first in ballet school, at home, when her mother suffered from depression, and Naomi had to take care of her mother and her brother, then drama school. Establishing her position in television was not easy either. Oh, and her marriage. She was just a girl when she got married and her older husband always knew better. The random men she fucked after she got divorced. James. They all wanted to have her, possess her. And she kind of liked it. It made her feel attractive and in charge. But that touch was somethings new.

Naomi felt the tears welling in her eyes, as if for the first time in her life, she experienced such a gentle touch. And it felt so good.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x other female character #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #slow build

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