#shawn mendes college au | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

forever--darling · 4 years

Text

fallin’ all in you - s.m.

surfer au

summary: sent away to spend the summer with your uncle and aunt, you somehow find yourself stuck with spending time with shawn, senior college student and your uncle’s intern

warnings: 34.5k words of surfer college student shawn, life in hawaii, slight ptsd, and nervous reader

It was bullshit. The entirety of the situation was complete and utter bullshit. You were fine or that’s at least what you had been telling yourself and everyone else in your life for the past year. Clearly, you were an awful liar though if your family was shipping you off for the summer. Three months. That’s how long you’d be stuck in Oahu, Hawaii with your aunt and uncle.

Sunshine, sandy beaches, and blue oceans sounded like the perfect summer but not for you. You lived in California. White sandy beaches had been your life for the past nineteen years. It was not anything new, not to mention every summer from the age of five to fourteen had been spent in Oahu. Nothing new and nothing out of the ordinary, but your family insisted and voted. You were going to spend three long months in Hawaii and they had only dropped it onto you four days before you were supposed to leave.

Tuesday night, dinner had turned sour as your parents and grandfather basically cornered you with their decision. Note that you were nineteen, yet they still had control over you. It was burger night with homemade french fries. Sunset on your patio with a glass of lemonade. You had come out of your room still dressed in the same clothes you had slept in; sweatpants and a ratty tee. Your hair was pulled into a messy bun at the top of your head and your eyes were red from staring at a computer screen all day.

You had moved home off of campus and started online classes almost a year ago. Locked yourself in your room every day to do school work and listen to lectures, trying to get your degree. Trying to become a pharmacist wasn’t the easiest thing, especially when you weren’t very sure if that’s what you still wanted to do.

“Hey, you feeling okay, kiddo?”

You glanced up at your dad past your plate of barely eaten food, “Fine. Why?”

He shrugged, “You just haven’t touched a lot of your food. Burgers are your favorite.”

“I’m fine, just not that hungry.”

Your dad shared a look with your mom and she cleared her throat as she took a sip from her lemon water. Tapping her fingers against the top of the wood table, you looked over at her, lips twisting in a frown. “We’re worried about you honey.”

“Well, I’m fine,” you enunciated the last word as you dropped your fork harshly next to your plate.

Your grandfather’s attention perked up from his cheeseburger to you and your parents. He placed the greasy beef back down on his plate and leaned back in his chair, bucket hat drooping in his eyes. Your mom sighed, hand reaching for your arm, but let out a disheartened grunt as you lurched away. “Are you? Look sure you have school right now but what are you going to do after this semester is over? You can’t sit in your room for the whole summer. That isn’t healthy.”

You couldn’t help but scoff because they were once again pulling the same card they had been for the last year of thinking something was wrong with you when there wasn’t. You were perfectly fine and they just couldn’t get over that you were no longer a child.

So what, if you sat in your room all day, every day. So what, if you stopped dancing around the kitchen while your parents made dinner to Gramps’ old records, or that you didn’t play piano anymore on the deck. Or above all, God forbid you didn’t want to surf anymore.

They were so convinced just because you hadn’t touched a wave in over a year that you were broken. When in fact, you were focused on being an adult and getting your life together. You weren’t in high school anymore, so your friends had no place to be mad at you for not spending time with them anymore to study and work on being in college. Bottom line, you were fine.

“We made a few calls,” your dad straightened up in his chair, his arm wrapping around your mom, “And we think it would be good if you went and spent the summer with Archer.”

Your eyebrows pinched together and you rubbed your temple as you looked between the three of them, mouth slightly parted, “Archer as in my uncle Archer? Like Uncle Archer that lives in Hawaii and who I haven’t seen in five years? That Archer?”

“Yes,” your mother replied softly.

“I’m sorry and you all think this is a great idea, shipping me off for the summer,” you asked, voice sounding slightly offended, “Gramps, even you? You think this is what should happen?”

Your grandfather pushed his orange bucket hat out in front of his eyes and scratched the side of his old wrinkly face. White tufts of hair hung over his forehead and his blue eyes were reflecting the yellow string lights hung over the deck. “Sweetheart, I think this is exactly what you need. A vacation. Away from your room, this house, California.”

“Because you think an island surrounded by a large body of water will fix me, fan-fucking-tastic.”

“Y/N, no, honey that is not what we’re saying,” your dad quickly chipped in, seeing how hurt you appeared.

“Then what did you mean because if I am hearing this right, all of you are crazy. I can barely go on the beach or towards the water and you want to ship me off to Hawaii for three months. You think I’ll survive a whole summer in that death trap,” you stood up abruptly, suddenly losing your appetite and done with the idea of dinner and this conversation.

“Look, I know this is hard but you won’t be there all alone. You’ll have Archer and Laura and you’ll have us. In July, as soon as your brother comes home we’ll book the next flight down to Oahu and we’ll spend the rest of the summer together. Just like we used to,” your mom smiled as she clapped her hands excitedly.

You weren’t amused as you shoved your chair up against the table, the legs skidding across the floor of the porch, “This is bullshit.”

You stormed away, ending that conversation but it didn’t matter you were outvoted four to one if you were counting your older brother who was away currently on a five-month hiatus trip around the world. He was in Italy at the time being as you were stuck packing two suitcases to go away with.

Four days later, you were put on a plane and though you were still furious, you hugged your parents and your grandfather goodbye without any more complaining. Now, here you were on a plane to Oahu, Hawaii. It had been a dreadful flight where you had been sandwiched in the window seat next to a six-year-old boy and his single mother. She mostly was on her phone or flipping through her magazine as her child kicked at the seat in front of him and tugged on your hair.

It had been so relieving but also dreadful as you dropped down from below the clouds and were able to see the crystal clear waves of the ocean and the white sandy beaches of the island. It had been five years since you had been to the most beautiful place you had ever seen and that feeling of familiarity and deja vu had washed over you.

You had spent every summer here for as long as you could remember. Your whole family would pack up and board the plane as soon as the end of May hit and you and your brother got out of school. Everyone would go; you, Zach, your parents, and gramps. Gramps in fact had lived in Hawaii with your dad and uncle for almost eight years when they were kids. As soon as Archer was old enough, he moved back not wasting another second, and never left again.

Every summer, you would all pile into Archer and Laura’s large beach house for three long months. Your father would take up his summer job at Oahu’s finest marina fixing up boats that came through while your mother worked at the local hospital with Laura as a nurse. Archer was a marine biologist. One of the best and people from all over would come to Oahu and the University of Hawaii to study under him. He had his own lab that sat right next to Oahu’s very own aquarium and ocean wildlife clinic.

Gramps, well gramps, didn’t do anything the whole summer besides try to keep track and wrangle your brother and you. He took care of you and watched over you as the two of you were always on some sort of adventure with your friends on the island. Whether it was surfing all day until your bodies ached from washing out under the waves to endless hikes within the forests or mountains of Oahu. You were sure with how crazy the two of you were from ages five and ten to fourteen and nineteen that he was thankful he didn’t have to deal with the two of you down there now.

The truth was as soon as you hit fifteen and you became a teenager there was a chance Gramps would have no longer been able to keep track of you, and wouldn’t know when or if you were coming home that night. You would have been more of a handful with summers on the island then they had ended up being at home in Newport.

When you touched down, after the rough landing, you had never been happier to get off of that plane knowing there was a good chance you would never have to see that crazy kid and his mother again. As you grabbed your carry on and walked out of the plane into the terminal you could already feel the shift in temp. It was way hotter here than it was at home at the end of May.

Your long hair was wavy and tangled from your shower before you left and it sprawled across your back. A pair of sunglasses hung on your nose as the hood of your sweatshirt was pulled up and over your head. After getting your two large checked suitcases from the baggage claim, you exited the airport, the wind slapping you in the face. You barely took two steps as you found just the man you were looking for in the parking lot, leaning against the hood of his white truck.

“Aloha!” he cheered.

Uncle Archer looked exactly like the last time you had seen him five years ago. He was dressed in a pair of tan khakis with a tight fitted black t-shirt. He had dark black hair that had only greyed slightly on the sides and matched the short beard on his chin. With a crooked smile and green eyes to match both yours and your father’s, he looked a lot like Gramps.

Not to mention, Archer had to have been the fittest man above forty that you knew besides your dad. Both of them work out like crazy and with big enough biceps to break you if they tried, they shared a slight resemblance with Brad Pitt. Black sunglasses shielded his eyes and he tapped his flip flop clad feet against the pavement. He slowly slid the glasses up onto his head when he saw you. You watched as he blinked a couple of times before stepping forward as if he barely had recognized you.

To be fair, you were fourteen the last time he had seen you. You had acne, braces, and short frizzy hair and still had some of your baby fat. Now, though, you were tall, tan, with long dark hair and a straight white smile. You were nineteen and other than pictures, he had not seen you.

Slipping your hood from your head, you pushed your own sunglasses on top of your head. A small smile quirked on your pink lips and Archer was the first to step forward and close the distance. He pulled you into a tight hug and squeezed the life out of you. His bear hugs were a normality, along with his and Laura’s constant spoiling whenever you and Zach used to come for the summer. They didn’t have kids other than there now four-year-old chocolate lab you had seen in the last three Christmas cards.

“Is that really my little Y/N, all grown up?” he asked, arms tightening.

You gasped for a breath as you hugged your only uncle back, able to smell the mint and saltwater on his skin, “Yeah, it’s me.”

“It’s been so long,” he chuckled, pulling back but not before placing a kiss on the top of your head, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you couldn’t help but smile because though this place felt more like a death trap than the safe haven you used to see it as, you couldn’t feel disappointed about getting to see your favorite and only uncle after so long.

“How have you been?”

You shrugged, “I’m okay, busy, school. You know.”

“Yeah, I do,” he chuckled as he reached down and took a hold of both your suitcases and began to roll them towards the back of his truck, “Now let’s get going and you can tell me about everything on the half-hour ride home. Don’t leave anything out.”

You didn’t either. The whole ride back to the house, you were talking about everything that had happened. How high school went and what college was like. You talked about almost everything, leaving out that you no longer surfed. He tried to update you on his life but it hadn’t really changed all that much. Life on Oahu moved slow and in itself was the same adventure almost every day.

He had just been keeping up with work saying that he had over twenty students who came to the University of Hawaii in hopes of scoring a year-long internship their senior year. It was hard because he only chose one or two each year. After his topic of work, the conversation died quietly and the only sound was the Bob Marley CD being played and the sound of the wind. The window was down and the smell of the saltwater filled your nose. Your hand sat across the open window and you stared outside, examining the island as you drove.

By the time, the truck pulled up to the house, the sun was steaming and the waves were loud crashing against the shores. You slowly slid out of the truck and looked up at the beach house it also being something in Oahu that hadn’t changed the slightest.

It was grey and two stories high with a wrap-around porch and sat above the ground. Green hanging pots hung from hooks scattered around the porch and towels hung over the banister. You swung your backpack over your shoulders and took one of your suitcases while Archer took the other one. As you made it onto the deck, you set your suitcase down just as the screen door opened. A large chocolate lab came barreling out and circled your legs, almost tripping you. You laughed and bent down to pet the dog.

“Y/N, meet Stanley,” Archer said, setting your other suitcase down.

Before you could even blink, Laura ran from within the house and pulled you into a bone-crushing hug. Her blonde hair whipped you in the face and her arms squeezed you tightly against her. You let out an awkward laugh as she pulled back and her hands cupped your face. “Oh my God, hi, look at you. You’re so gorgeous. How was your flight? Are you hungry?”

“Laura, honey, breathe. One question at a time,” Archer laughed as his wife began to pull you into the house, leaving the suitcases for him to carry.

She ignored him and started to ask more questions all starting with what you wanted for dinner. If you wanted to order from Bubba’s crab shack or eat in and grill. She had forgotten you were the least picky person ever when it came to food and decided that since it was getting late they’d just order from Bubba’s and go pick it up.

You easily dodged any questions that had anything to do with boyfriends or friends as you took your suitcases and started to drag it down the hall to the room you stayed in every summer. Your brother and you would have bedrooms side by side that were connected by a bathroom and it would feel weird to open the door to your room to know that he wouldn’t be on the other side.

The wheels of your suitcases squeaked against the wood floor of the hall and it echoed off the walls along with the pitter patter of Stanley’s paws. As you rounded the corner of the hallway, though, you stopped and you felt as Stan’s head walked into the back of your legs. There leaning against the wall next to the white wooden door of the room was a bright blue shortboard with a white ribbon tied in a bow around it.

The distant mumble of your aunt and uncle down the hall brought you back from your staring contest with the surfboard and you stepped past it. You slid into the room ignoring it all together but before you could close the door Stan wiggled in through the crack.

You looked around and were surprised that the room looked the same as you had left it. Grey throw pillows were scattered across the made bed. White comforter pulled tightly over the mattress along with a few light blue throw blankets. Pictures from when you were thirteen and fourteen were littered across the walls and the white desk; all of your family, friends on the island, and the ocean.

Lights hung from the ceiling and the mirror you used to dance in front of had stickers all around it. Lastly, there in the corner was your old surfboard, the first you had ever gotten. It was wooden and made by one of the locals. You got as a gift from Archer when you were seven. Scratching Stan’s head as he nudged your leg again, you dropped your backpack onto the bed and slid the old surfboard into the back of the closet in the room, not able to even look at it.

You flopped down on the bed, body sinking into the mattress, and gasped in surprise as Stanley hopped up and began to lick at your face. You squealed as his scratchy tongue slid across your cheek and were laughing so loud that you hadn’t noticed the bedroom door cracked open revealing your aunt and uncle in the doorway. Archer had his arm wrapped around Laura and both were grinning at the thought of having their sweet hilarious niece for the rest of the summer. It turned out to not be what they were expecting though.

The first week in Oahu, felt like you weren’t in Hawaii but still at home in Newport because you didn’t leave the house. You saw more of your room than you did outside. You were either chained to your bed or sat on the porch in the yellow hammock with one of your throw blankets staring at the beach.

The surfboard had moved from the hallway to porch. Thanks to Archer, who thought that if he leaned it up next to the side of the house, it would make you inclined to want to go break it in. In fact it was the opposite though, you hadn’t touched the board or the water. You hadn’t surfed or put on one of your swimsuits, which they had just arrived a few days ago. You had purposely forgotten to pack all of your swimming suits and surfing shirts, so your mom had shipped them. As soon as Laura had slid the box onto the counter and you saw the address from where it shipped from, you knew what it was. Those too got shoved in the back of your closet.

You hadn’t even left the house or gone into town. Oahu had yet to witness the great Y/N Y/L/N back on the island. You were nowhere to be seen and it seemed like a rumor.

It had been a week since you had landed in Oahu and it was another day of plopping down in the hammock on the deck. Your hair was messily thrown up into a bun on the top of your head, hair falling to frame your face. The knit blue throw blanket was tangled around your bare legs. It was hot and your sweats weren’t going to cut it, so you were dressed in a pair of grey shorts and a white high neck tank top.

You had been laying there all day and had forgotten what time it was when Stanley had somehow pushed his way up and onto the hammock with you. The first time he had ever tried that, the whole thing had flipped causing both of you to thud against the wood deck.

The local radio was on and you spent your time listening to it and playing with Stan’s floppy ears. His head laid across your stomach and his large body was positioned in between your legs. The day had passed so fast, it was a shock to see Laura walking around the side of the house dressed in her scrubs. She sighed as she once again found you in that hammock tangled with the chocolate lab, a frown interlaced across your face.

“Hey,” she called out, softly.

Your eyes met hers and you offered a fake smile, “Hi.”

“How was your day?” she asked, approaching you and her dog.

“It was fine,” you shrugged.

Laura pulled at the bun on her head, loosening it as she offered a smile, “So, I was thinking of changing and then going to the market to get some groceries you want to come?”

You shrugged again, “I don’t know.”

She leaned down scratching Stanley behind the ear and the dog lifted his head from your belly to look up at her, “Well, I think Stanley probably wants to go for a ride and get some air so how does that sound?”

Stanley’s tongue flopped out of his mouth, excitement filling his body just at the sound of a car ride. You brushed the fur on the top of his head and chuckled. Looking back up at your aunt, you could see she was smiling, eyebrows raised waiting for an answer impatiently, “Okay, yeah, just let me grab my sunglasses.”

By five o’clock that day, you were walking along the marketplace in the middle of the town alongside Laura, leash wrapped around your wrist that Stan was attached to. His tail was wiggling and his ears were flopping. His tongue was hanging outside of his mouth from the hot air and you were giggling as you listened to your aunt tell stories of when they first got Stan when he was a puppy.

It was a relief that people left you alone, not that you didn’t want to talk to any of the locals or people you recognized from your childhood but it was nice to just be there with Laura. It was nice to just laugh and be carefree. It was relieving to let your mind wander from the thoughts that filled your head for so long, and you realized how much you had missed her and Archer and this island. Oahu was beautiful and you would always love it no matter what you were going through.

You were stopped at a fruit stand and were in the middle of a story from your sophomore year when you got asked on your first date as Laura was picking up a bunch of bananas and setting it in her basket. Before you could get far into the story though, a familiar voice filled your ears in the form of a scream.

“Holy shit! Y/N Y/L/N is that really you?”

Pushing your sunglasses up on top of your head, you couldn’t help but have a surprised smile on your face. There standing a few feet away was Kai Alana. Except now instead of that black straight bob, she was used to having, her hair was long sleek and shining. Her skin was tan and glistened in the sunlight and she was dressed in a yellow flowy skirt with a white short sleeve.

She was absolutely perfect and you suddenly felt very subconscious in your wrinkled shorts and dog hair covered shirt. Kai had been your closest friend on the island and you had known her since the first year you came to Oahu. She was a local and her family had lived here for generations. You hadn’t seen her since you were fifteen when her family visited Newport on their vacation to California. Communication had drifted off as you went through high school and you hadn’t talked to her since you sent a text after graduation.

Clearly, she had never left the island after she turned eighteen and graduated from her school with her twenty other classmates. You stared at her in shock as you felt Stan tugging at your arm as he was desperate in need to keep moving. Before you could say anything, she closed the distance between you and her hands grabbed onto your arms. She grinned showing her perfect smile and straight teeth.

“Oh my God, how come I didn’t know you were here?”

“I, uh, just got in a little over a week ago and I guess I forgot to text you,” you replied

“Bitch, what the heck,” she laughed, “Well, how long are you here for?”

You took a deep breath, “The summer actually.”

Kai squealed again, pulling you into a hug, “This is amazing! It can be just like old times.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, sharing an uncertain look with Laura.

“Wait, so what are you doing tonight?” she asked, pulling back, hands still wrapped around your arms.

“Uh, I actually-” before you could finish your excuse, Laura stepped in, a wide smile displayed on her lips.

“Nothing, she is free.”

“That is great, perfect actually because a bunch of us are getting together for a bonfire. I know a lot of people have missed you and they’d love to see you,” Kai grinned, looking as if she still couldn’t process that you were there in front of her, “So will you come, please.”

“I-I,” as soon as you started, you stopped, finding that Kai was still the one person you couldn't say no to. Even at nine when she wanted to sneak out in the middle of the night to go running down the beach, you couldn’t say no.

It was that look in her eyes, she truly was the wild one and you would give nothing but to crawl into your bed and binge watch Grey’s Anatomy with Stanley but a part of you couldn’t say no to her or that face, “Yeah, sure.”

“Yes, okay, great,” she cheered, “Listen, I have to go to work but I will text you the details. You still have the same number right?”

You nodded, “Yeah.”

“Okay, well can’t wait,” Kai grinned, running her fingers through her hair, “I still can’t believe you are here, okay, well bye.”

She leaned in and left a sweet kiss to your cheek which was something Kai did with everyone she was close to. She used to do that even when you were kids and now five years later the action didn’t startle you the slightest. Walking away, she waved to you and Laura before disappearing and for some reason you felt a breath of relief pass your lips at having the attention once again drift away from you. Looking over at Laura, you found your aunt smiling from ear to ear and giving you a thumbs up. You sent her a playful glare.

“You are going to have such a fun time!”

Shawn Mendes is all about the ocean and the water. It’s where he spends most of his time if he’s not at the lab or the aquarium. When he was not working he was like every other college kid in Hawaii; partying, surfing, spending any waking moment near the water.

As soon as he had turned eighteen he had left from his small town of Pickering in Canada to Oahu, Hawaii to study at the university for marine biology. Now at twenty-two, Shawn was close to completing his degree and getting his bachelor’s degree and for the last year he had been working under Archer Y/L/N.

Shawn had been picked almost a year ago for this internship out of a group of twelve people. It was a surprise that he had been picked but as he was finishing up his last year at the University and of his internship, he knew he deserved this. He had worked his ass off the last four years and hadn’t been home in over a year in a half.

At the same time, Shawn was still twenty-two and a guy in college. He liked to be with his friends and have fun as much as the next guy did. Also for an added bonus, there was also no question that he was one of the most beautiful guys to ever land on the small island and attend the small university. He was 6’2 of complete muscle and gorgeousness with short chocolate curls and deep brown eyes. His eyes crinkled when he smiled and on more than one occasion his cheeks would be dusted with pink. Sculpted and beyond smart, there were more than a few girls who had their eye on him and he was a typical guy that got pulled into multiple unwanted conversations with girls he didn’t know.

None of that meant anything to him though. He was in Oahu to finish his education, work under Archer, and have fun with his friends. He wasn’t there to find a girlfriend or to sleep around. He wasn’t that type of man which also deemed him as Shawn Mendes, the uncatchable.

His weeks consisted of the same routine. Wake up at five, go for a run, shower, go to class, be at the lab by eight-thirty, and stay until seven or eight. That depended on days though where he would go out on the boat with Archer, where they would scuba dive down into the depths of the ocean and take samples of the water.

It was a Friday though, which meant no classes, and Shawn was still at the lab. He came in, though Archer had given him the day off, to study the samples of the water they had taken days prior. On the far side of the ocean, there had been signs of sudden wildlife dying and it seemed to be a mystery. One by one, animals ranging from fish to dolphins had washed ashore dead. They had swam over to the exact area that seemed to pinpoint to the deaths and took samples of the water. He had been running tests and studying them for the past two days trying to figure out what was killing these animals.

He was supposed to have left almost a half hour ago but was waiting for the data to come through. Shawn knew if he didn’t leave soon, Brian was going to have his ass. He had promised his only friend from Canada that he would go with him and a few other friends to a beach party that night. He also said he was supposed to get off at seven but it was now near seven-thirty and Brian wanted to be at the party by eight.

Shawn leaned back in his rolly chair at his desk and clicked the top of his pen against the top of the desk, watching the computer as it loaded while sneaking a glance or two to his boss who leaned over a microscope. Archer was examining slides of the ocean samples and comparing them to others they had taken of clean water areas.

Over the past year, Archer had done so much for Shawn. He had become a role model, a father figure since the intern’s family was so far away. He had learned so much from the man, more than just the job but about life. If Shawn was being honest, Archer had been the coolest mentor he had ever had. He was understanding, honest, and smart. He aspired to be everything that Archer Y/L/N was someday.

Shawn averted his gaze back to the computer and made himself busy as Malaki, a coworker of Archer's, stepped into the room striking the man into a conversation, “Hey Archer, Kai just sent me a text. Y/N’s back.”

He tried not to eavesdrop because it was rude but how could he have not heard what the two men were talking about when he was right there in the same room. Plus, Archer knew anything Shawn might hear while at work, he would never repeat to anyone, so neither of the men even took into consideration the intern in the room.

“Yeah, we have her for the summer,” Archer chuckled, stepping away from the microscope, “We haven’t seen that kid for five years.”

“Wow,” Malaki sighed, scratching at his black beard on his chin, “Little Y/N. I guess she’s not little anymore. She would have to be, what, nineteen by now.”

“Yeah, but really you’re one to talk with your daughter of yours. I can’t believe Kai is nineteen herself. Shit, I felt like it was just yesterday when those two were ten sneaking out of the house to go surf near the shore.”

Malaki nodded, his eyes seeming to glimmer at the memory, “So, how is she doing?”

Archer shook his head as he crossed his arms across his chest, “I don’t know, that’s kind of why we have her for the summer.”

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

“A year ago, she was in an accident. Went surfing as a storm hit. My nephew, Y/N/N’s older brother went in after her and we almost lost them both. Tommy said she hasn’t been the same since. I didn’t know what he meant until I saw her. She’s not herself and I know she isn’t a kid anymore by any means but this isn’t my niece. She is tired all the time. Skittish, won’t go near the water,” Archer explained.

Shawn let out an unsettled breath because this was something his boss had never cared to mention not that he should’ve because it was a lot. A niece who almost died from being caught out in a storm and now clearly as some traumatic stress from it. Archer had mentioned that he had a niece and a nephew but never went into great detail about who they were or their ages. Shawn had always wanted to ask but it never his place just like it wasn’t now to ask about it now

“That sounds unimaginable. How are Kate and Tommy taking it?” Malaki asked.

“Well could be better, since they couldn’t take it anymore and needed to ship her down here. They just didn’t know what to do. She never left her room, was sad all the time. They just wanted their child back, that’s understandable.”

Malaki shook his head and tutted softly, “It doesn’t seem possible, that girl able to stay away from the ocean. If there is one thing I know about her it’s that she can’t go hours without surfing or running into the water. It’s the thing she loves most in this world.”

Archer sighed, disappointment laced in his words, “I know, she hasn’t touched a board since it happened and I don’t think she will ever be herself again until she does get back on one.”

You had only agreed to go to this stupid party because Kai was going with you. Instead, you are parking Laura’s car on the side of the street near the beach by yourself. Last-minute, Kai had sent a text about having to wrap a few things up at her job but she would get there as soon as possible. She sent you the location and Laura lent you her car and here you were.

The only exciting thing about the ride over here was having the top off on the white jeep. The rest was terrifying. You were completely alone, even Stanley was left back at the house chasing sticks on the beach with your uncle Archer. Kai having to work made you mad but at the same time you couldn’t get mad at her especially for doing her job. She said that everyone else was there, your friends but the thing was they weren’t really your friends anymore. Five years was a long time and you didn’t know who they were now or if you would even recognize them.

So far, every single person that walked by the car towards the beach and the party you didn’t recognize. It was creepy, you were sitting in the car peeping around the wheel, sunglasses perched on the top of your head. For the first time all day, you were in a clean set of clothes that weren’t covered in food and dog fur, and your hair was let down across your shoulders.

It was the first time since you got to Oahu where you were dressed in a pair of jean shorts and you couldn’t help but shuffle in the seat uncomfortably. A white loose long sleeve shirt was pulled over a navy blue bikini. The shirt was kind of see-through too which you hadn't noticed until you were more than halfway to the beach. As it was starting to get dark and you realized you had been in the car for almost twenty minutes, your aunt’s voice echoed in your head. Go and have fun, just let me know when you are going to be home.

Then you thought of Kai and how happy she was to see you again and how happy she had gotten to convince you to go to this party. It would feel wrong now to drive back to the house before she even got there. What would you say then? Sighing loudly, you took the car keys and your phone and slowly slipped out of the jeep and shut the door behind you. Music and screams filled your ears and as you walked forward you felt your stomach churn with nerves.

The beach was filled with more than a handful of people all who were your age that either worked on the island or were going to school at the university. A large bonfire sat in the middle of the beach with towels scattered around it in a circle and a string of lights hung off some of the trees. A few trucks were parked in the sand and surfboards were leaning up against the back, each a different color and style. A game of beach volleyball was going on just a few feet away near where a pair of speakers were stuck into the ground, blasting the latest hits.

People were littered around dancing, surfing, swimming, drinking, and having the time of their lives and you didn’t know a single one of them. None of them seemed to know you either and didn’t even spare a glance towards you. Which was convenient because you were the only loner at the party and it was evident.

Glancing around, you shuffled further down the beach and couldn’t help but stop in front of the row of surfboards that were standing up against the back of a dark black jeep. There were four or five ranging from long-boards to short-boards and from white to bright orange. You admire them and without realizing, your fingers brush along the orange board but you quickly pull them back as a voice speaks from next to you.

“You’re not going to try to steal that, are you?”

Looking over your shoulder, you found a short guy with red hair and freckles scattered across his face. He was dressed in a pair of green swimming trunks and a white tank top. You shook your head, folding your arms over your chest, “No, sorry. I was just looking. R2 board. 5’0 with single concave middle. What did this cost you? $400? Since the island shop usually gives discounts.”

“You know your boards,” he grinned, “You surf?”

“I used to.”

He looked away from you at his board and then smiled, sticking out his hand, “I’m Brian.”

“Y/N,” you replied, taking his hand and giving it a slight shake.

Just as Brian was about to say something else, he turned around to look back at the person that was calling out to him. You followed his gaze to find a small round girl with blonde hair. She was looking at Brian expectantly, waving him over. Brian glanced back at you and sent you an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry but I have to go,” he said, pointing back behind him.

“No, it’s fine,” you shrugged, now suddenly feeling awkward because your one conversation had been short-lived and you’re going to be once again alone.

“Well, enjoy the party and I’m sure I’ll find you later,” he winked before walking off.

You shook your head, taking a step away from the boards, sandals filling with sand. The further you walked up the beach, you found that there was a path that led up to a rock ledge. It was the exact place that screamed where people went cliff jumping but luckily as far as you could tell, there was no one up there at the moment. You sighed as you scaled up the rock and found the view impeccable.

The wind had picked up a little, flowing through your hair. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you took a deep breath and let it out, trying to settle your nerves. The blue waves crashed up against the bottom of the rock wall and the sun was slowly setting behind the water. Screams brought you back from the view. Feet away in the water, you found a girl and two guys swimming in the water. The catch being they were naked.

Scoffing, you looked away and stressfully ran your fingers through your hair. This was crazy and you didn’t know why you were there or why you were in Oahu in general. Standing here, you once again found yourself being mad at your parents. Pacing across the width of the rock, you jumped as you found a guy stumbling approaching you, a red solo cup in his hand.

“Sorry,” he chuckled, raising his hands towards you, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You let out a dry laugh watching him carefully try to step up, “Uh, no, it’s fine.”

Just as his foot hit the top of the rock, he tripped almost falling face-first into the concrete. He caught himself and you stepped forward offering him a hand, “Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” he giggled and though you didn’t know the guy, you could tell he had a couple of drinks, “I’m Cole.”

Standing up in front of you, you finally took in how tall he was and buff with blonde flowy hair and dark green eyes. He had large pink lips and one dimple. He was shirtless and supporting black swim trunks. You could tell with his body type and the vibe he was giving up, he definitely played some sort of sport. Leaning forward, he swayed and you placed your hand on his arm to steady him.

“Y/N. Hi. Are you sure you’re okay?” you asked, taking your hand back from his arm realizing you just met this guy.

“Yeah, great, just had a few drinks,” he laughed again, “So, Y/N, I haven’t seen you around here before.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m here for the summer with my aunt and uncle.”

“Aunt and Uncle. Anyone, I know?” Cole smirked, taking another step forward and you took a slight one back.

“U-Uh, maybe, Archer and Laura Y/L/N.”

His eyes widen in recognition from the familiar names, “Archer Y/L/N is your uncle? No shit.”

“You know my uncle?” you asked, curiously not thinking that this guy could potentially be the intern your uncle had talked about but you couldn’t judge a book by its cover.

“Yeah, the whole island does, but on another note, one of my friends is actually Archer’s intern this year,” Cole explained, downing the remnants of his drink, “A-Anyway, what are you doing up here all alone?”

“I was just enjoying the view,” you mumbled, awkwardly as Cole’s hand reached out as if trying to grab onto you.

“Uh, so would you by chance maybe want to get out of here?”

“H-Huh?” you stuttered.

“Shawn come on, don’t you want to get in the water?”

“No,” he waved her off, “I’m good.”

Sammy tugged on the sleeve of Shawn’s button-up shirt, a pout forming on her face. She was standing in front of him in nothing but her red bikini that left little to the imagination but he hadn’t even noticed. Her black hair was cascading down her back and her perfectly manicured fingers were curling into the fabric of his shirt. He had been lounging on a white beach chair just to the left of the bonfire, a bottle of water shoved in his hand. Wearing his last dry pair of swim trunks, he paired it with a white t-shirt and a short sleeve red button-up. It seemed every time, Sammy got near him, another button was undone.

Shawn had been dealing with Sammy Crenshaw for almost a year now. She was originally from Texas and claimed to be in Hawaii to study at the university for nursing but the more he had gotten to know Sammy that seemed less like the case. She was all about taking pictures and promoting them on Instagram and going to lame parties like this one.

Her goal of the year though like a few other girls was to get with Shawn. Date him, sleep with him, get him to fall in love with her, all of the above. He had shown on more than one occasion that he wasn’t interested but it’s kind of hard for her to get the memo when her roommate and best friend Lucy had the biggest crush on Brian, Shawn’s best friend. So he was always getting looped into hanging out with Sammy because Brian believed that one of these days Shawn would give in and they could double date.

That would never happen as far as Shawn was concerned though because Sammy was not the girl for him. Or his type. He didn’t know how many more times it would take for her to get the hint that they weren’t going to happen.

“Are you sure? The water is really nice,” she said as her fingers fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, “Please, for me.”

“Sammy, really, I’m fine. Maybe later,” Shawn said, his voice snapping.

She rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”

Shawn shook his head as Sammy ran off into the water. Unscrewing the top of the bottle, he chugged what was left of his water and stood from the beach chair. He had only come to the party in the first place because Brian had asked and a few of his other friends wanted him there and now here he was alone. Brian was off with Lucy and his other friends were getting smashed. Sometimes Shawn thought he had outgrown this party lifestyle already and he wasn’t even done with school. Tossing the empty bottle away, his attention was caught by two figures standing at the top of the cliff jumping rock, he had on more than one occasion jumped from himself.

He recognized that one of the people was Cole. Cole was the biggest frat and soccer stereotype at the university. He was convinced he and Shawn were best friends but in reality they shared a few mutual friends and that was it. Shawn was used to also getting looped into hanging out with Cole too. There was nothing more irritating than dealing with both Sammy and Cole at the same time.

Shawn squinted, the girl standing in front of Cole he had never seen before. Her hands were outstretched in front of her as if trying to put distance in between them. Even from where Shawn was standing he could tell Cole had definitely had a few to drink from his stumbling steps above. As he took a closer look, it seemed that Cole and the girl were arguing and she didn’t seem very comfortable.

Below the rock, three other guys stood who basically worshiped Cole. They were watching the scene play out, grins spread across their faces. Shawn raised an eyebrow and before he knew it, he was scaling the rock, ignoring the looks from Cole’s minions. The voices, one being Cole’s, sounded clearer and now he could hear what was being said.

“So, you don’t want to get out of here?”

“No, I’m sorry, not really,” she, you said calmly, taking a step away from him, “I’m waiting for a friend. So, I probably should stay and wait for her.”

“Well, we could do other things while we wait for her. Like go for a swim,” Cole suggested.

Shawn made an appearance and locked eyes with you over Cole’s shoulder. Your attention flickered back over to Cole and you pulled a fake smile onto your face, “No, I shouldn’t, I’m okay.”

“Oh, come on. It’s a party.”

“Cole, really-” you were cut off as he threw his red solo cup aside and lunged forward. He lifted you in his arms, wrapping them around the back of your thighs, throwing you over his shoulder. You gasped and your anxiety heightened as you felt him stumble forward closer to the edge of the rock.

Shawn could see the look on your face and he stepped forward to hopefully persuade Cole to put you down. He had gathered the information presented to him easily. You were a random girl that Cole had just met and was getting too touchy with. You were uncomfortable and Cole had one too many drinks. He was violating personal space and had picked you up with the intention of definitely throwing you in the water.

“Cole,” Shawn called out his name but was ignored.

Teetering near the edge of the rock, Cole dropped you. Shawn’s eyes widened and he rushed over and stared down where a large splash echoed out. Cole was laughing and giggling as he took a step back. Shawn’s eyes flickered across the water searching for the normal bob of a head. But you hadn't resurfaced. Ripping open his button-up shirt, he dropped it to the ground and kicked off his shoes. Cole glanced over at Shawn noticing the quick movements and stared at him confused.

“Shit,” he cussed, looking down one last time before jumping off.

The wind whipped through his hair and it felt like an eternity before he hit the harsh water. The splash echoed in his ears as he sunk down. Within a second his legs and his arms kicked around and he broke out of the water. Taking a deep breath, he dove down again and struggled to keep his eyes open underwater. He felt you first before he saw you. Your eyes were fluttered closed and you weren’t fighting against the water to stay afloat.

Grabbing a hold of your leg, he pulled you towards him and into his chest. He swam up and gasped for air as the both of you resurfaced. Holding you tightly to him, he could hear your faint breathing and the feeling of your arms wound tightly around his neck. Your eyes were still closed and your clothes were sticking to your body. You couldn’t talk or say anything. Your head leaned against his and you hung on to him for dear life though he was a complete stranger because he was a complete stranger that had jumped in after you.

Memories drifted into mind, familiar and unwanted. You knew how to swim and you were a great swimmer. The waves tonight weren’t anything close to deadly or suffocating but as you fell in that water and were engulfed in the coolness, it didn’t matter. It felt just as deadly as the last time and your limbs had lost all movement.

Soft uneasy breaths passed through your lips and you were shaking in fear at the feeling of the cold water sticking to your skin. You were screwing your eyes shut, breath causing goosebumps to form on Shawn’s neck. Not taking another moment, he began to swim towards the shore with one arm tightly wrapped around your waist. He didn’t say a word but held you as tightly as you were holding him to give you some reassurance.

Shawn felt you intake a sudden breath as he had made it to shallower water. He could feel the sand on his feet and the water that had been up to his neck was now below his chest. People were staring, he knew they were but his greatest concern was you and making sure you were okay.

As he walked onto the beach, he slowly lowered you so your feet were safely on the ground but he didn’t let you go as your legs seemed to buckle underneath you. Over your shoulder, Shawn could see Cole barreling down from the rock, worry set in his eyes about potentially killing someone. Water was dripping from the both of you as your clothes stuck to your bodies, barely feeling like anything was between the two of you. After a few minutes, Shawn felt your arms slip from around him and drop down to your sides and you stand up straight.

His hand drifted from around your waist to your arm to make sure you were actually okay. His brown honey eyes locked with yours and you felt your breath get caught in your throat. The man in front of you was dripping wet from head to toe still in a t-shirt, curls pushed out of his face and cheeks a rosy color. His jaw was twitching and his lips were set in a fine line. His expression screamed all things that meant worry and you all of a sudden felt embarrassed.

You glanced around the two of you to see that everyone had stopped whatever they were doing and had their eyes on you. Why didn’t you swim? Why couldn’t you have just taken the situation normally and just laughed it off? Instead you almost drowned, forcing a random guy to jump in and save your sorry ass. This was now officially the first and last party you would be at this summer.

Eyes flickering away from all the lingering stares back to the hero in front of you, you watched as his brows furrowed and his mouth slowly opened as if about to say something. It closed seconds later, not knowing what to say to you. Shaking your head, you slipped away from him and took a step back. Turning on your heels, you broke out into a full-on sprint up the beach towards your car. Your legs were wobbly and your hair was whipping you in the face.

Shawn tried to go after you. He had to make sure you were at least okay but before he could escape, both Sammy and Cole cornered him. Sammy was inching forward, stars filling her eyes at what she thought was a heroic act. Cole had seemed to sober up the slightest at his actions and looked to Shawn expectantly.

“Is she okay? Holy shit, I was just joking around. I didn’t think she couldn’t actually swim.”

Shawn’s jaw twitched and mouth curled into a deep frown. He was about to snap and yell at the two of them to get out of his way but the words got caught in his throat as you had disappeared from his line of sight. You were gone and there was no point now.

People who were just arriving at the party gave you weird looks as you dashed across the street, inching to get to your car. Reaching into the pockets of your shorts, you sighed at finding the keys still inside, your phone however seemed to be at the bottom of the ocean by now. You yanked the driver’s door of the car open and as you were about to slide in, the exact person you had been waiting for made an appearance.

“Y/N? Where are you going?” her eyes widened as she spotted your wet clothes and shaken form, “Hey are you okay?”

“Kai, just don’t,” you snapped, sliding in and slamming the door shut.

“What happened?” you heard her ask as you started the car and sped off down the road, body still dripping with water.

Your breathing was erratic as you tried to get the thought of the ocean and the suffocation it brought out of your head. The cold wind whipped at your wet skin making you shiver as you drove with the only motive to get as far away from that beach as possible. The jeep skidded in the driveway and you jumped out of the vehicle. Looking up at the house, you couldn’t think to move inside but instead dashed past it towards the beach.

Your heart picked up as the shoreline came into view and it scared you as you got closer but you didn’t stop. Collapsing in the sand, you sat down. Your toes were being tickled by the sand and you held your head in your hands, trying to calm down. Your heart jumped in your chest as the waves washed up and wetted your feet. But though you were uneasy, it felt better than having to face your aunt and uncle inside. It was getting dark and you hugged your knees to your chest, hair almost dry and eyes set on the darkening water.

“Y/N?”

You tensed up and glanced over your shoulder to find Laura stood behind you in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Her brows were furrowed and she was chewing on her bottom lip. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a low ponytail and as you looked at her, you were sure she was the definition of perfection. It made you feel insecure in that moment as you were sat clothes drenched, hair tangled, and sand sticking in all places. You looked away from her back to the water, not knowing in all that time, you had calmed down. At that moment, you felt okay for the first time in you didn’t know how long.

She sat down next to you, “Kai called me. Are you okay?”

You nodded, not able to find the words to say yes. You felt her arm wrap around your shoulders. She squeezed you and you chuckled feeling stupid at that moment. There were so many greater problems in the world and yours was nowhere close except for the fact that you almost drowned.

“What happened?”

You cleared your throat and tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear, “This guy threw me in probably thinking it was funny. When I hit the water, I don’t know what happened. It was like I was back where I was a year ago. In that storm, sucked under those waves. Tonight it all just hit me and it was like I forgot how to swim.”

Laura’s hand reached up and stroked your cheek as she pulled you into her chest. You hugged onto her tightly and held back all of your tears. She sighed, “I’m happy that other guy was there to jump in after you.”

“Me too.”

On Monday morning, you found yourself in the passenger seat of your uncle Archer’s truck. After the night you had on Friday, both your uncle and aunt agreed they didn’t want you to lock yourself back up in the house therefore came the idea of bringing your niece to work day. Hair pulled into a tight bun at the top of your head, you were dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a peachy pink tank top. White sneakers adorned your feet and you had them propped up on the dash as Archer drove. He was singing to an 80s song that was coming across the radio while you fiddled with the metal bracelet around your wrist.

You glanced out the window for a brief second and realized where you were. Craning your neck, you looked up the street to see a very familiar building. Archer looked over at you as you had suddenly not been able to keep still. “Oh my God. Oh my God. Pull over. Archer pull the car over.”

His eyes widened and followed what you said. He pulled over to the side of the road and put the truck in park. He examined you, looking for what was wrong but as he realized where the two of you were, he chuckled lightly. Your head was sticking out of the window now and you stared out at the small building. The paint was chipping and the sign was crooked.

Oahu’s finest marina. That’s where your father had spent every summer working and you had spent endless lunches eating. On the docks or in the office was your typical dining area. You grinned as you glanced around the building to see the many docks and endless amounts of boats. Noticing a sign perched up on the front sidewalk, you squinted to read it better.

Hopping out of the truck, you approached it and shoved your hands into the front pockets of your shorts. Help wanted was painted in large red words. You cocked your head to the side and stared at it, having an idea flash into your head.

Before you could escape back into the safety that was your uncle’s truck, two figures walked out from inside the office laughing. Glancing up, your eyes widened finding Kai and another guy. As you took another look, you realized it was Kanye, one of your old friends. The last time you had seen him, he was short and lanky with acne. Now he was tall, full of muscle, and handsome as ever with dark skin and buzzed black hair. You wondered if Kai still had the biggest crush on him.

Kai’s laughter stopped as she saw you and Kanye looked towards her confused because clearly he hadn’t recognized you. “Y/N, oh my God.”

She lunged forward and pulled you into a hug, “Are you okay? You didn’t return any of my texts or calls.”

You chuckled, “Well, I’m pretty sure my phone is at the bottom of the ocean so, sorry about that.”

“Y/N,” Kanye whispered and you gazed at him and his surprised expression, “Wow.”

“Hi, Kanye,” you replied as you pulled back from Kai’s arms and mustered up a smile, “You guys work here at the marina.”

“Yeah,” Kai grinned, her hand squeezing your arm, “You should apply. Leo still owns the place and I’m sure he would accept you in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, with how much your dad has done for this place, he would definitely hire you,” Kanye smiled.

You chuckled, “You think?”

Kai nudged you, “You should. Think about how much fun we’d have. All of us back together again.”

“All of us? Lani and Bo work here too?”

Kanye nodded, “Damn straight.”

“Y/N, we gotta go, or we’re going to be late!” Archer called out of the window.

You glanced back at him and waved him off. Turning back to two of the people you had spent every summer with, you knew this was something you could do. Being by the water would be good for you and you needed that because you couldn’t go on with your life being locked inside or chained to that house. For the first time, a real smile slipped onto your face. You grinned glancing back and forth from the two of them.

“Okay, will you let Leo know that I’m interested. I don’t really have a phone right now, so just find me and let me know I guess because this is what I want. Hanging with you guys again. So, I guess I’ll see the two of you later,” you saluted the two of them, sending them a cheesy wink before turning and jumping back into the truck.

Archer smirked over at you as he pulled back into the road and continued his route to the lab and the aquarium. Your hand was placed over your mouth trying to hide the happiness that was radiating off your face. The marina was a place you loved and one of the true places on this island that was a part of your childhood. Working there for the summer now made you excited more than ever because it would hopefully lead you back to the person you used to be before the accident.

“So, you’re thinking about working at the marina?”

You looked over at your uncle and smiled, unable to make it disappear, “That’s the plan.”

Shawn early on this fine Monday was already at the lab. He didn’t have a class that day and decided to get to work before his boss. Archer had warned Shawn ahead of time that he was bringing his niece to work for the day, so he wasn’t sure how much work he would actually be doing. Shawn didn’t think much about it, Archer’s niece. It wasn’t his business and all he knew about her was the accident she had gone through, other than that, he wasn’t going to make it anything else to try and get to know her.

After Friday night and his jumping and saving of the random girl Cole had thrown into the ocean and probably scared half to death, Shawn ditched the party. He never found the girl to make sure she was okay and couldn’t rid her of his mind the rest of the night. And he couldn’t stay to deal with Cole’s guilty looks or Sammy and her wandering hands after four beers.

He instead went back to his apartment and locked himself in his room, thoughts only on the girl and he didn’t know why. Something about her intrigued him. It could have been the terrified look on her face or that she was beautiful in a way that was noticeable by everyone. The rest of the night, he tried to place who she was. Shawn had been on this island long enough to know everyone or almost everyone and he had never seen her before in his life.

Saturday and Sunday, Shawn refused to talk to anyone at the party about what happened. He even ignored his friends, mostly Brian, not wanting to deal with their questions. Instead, he spent the rest of his weekend surfing alone in the sun. It was relaxing and everything he needed.

Come Monday morning, his mind had mostly been wiped of the girl and what had happened Friday. It was a new week with more work. He was bent over a microscope, curls falling across his forehead as he looked at the slides that Archer had been looking at on Friday before they left. He was taking occasional sips from his coffee cup that stood off to the side on the counter-top.

Shawn was so encased in the slides and looking at the data that he didn’t hear the many voices gathered in the hall. He didn’t hear Archer's niece being engulfed in a hug after hug by people she hadn’t seen since the last time she was at the lab. He didn’t hear them talking or her laughing. In fact he didn’t even know the two of them were there until they stepped through the doorway into the lab. Archer cleared his throat and Shawn spun around on his heels.

He pulled a small smile on his face but that quickly dropped and his eyes widened so much he thought they might pop out of his head. He tried to mask the look on his face but he knew you were mirroring him. This was a surprise to both of you. You, Archer’s niece, and the girl he had jumped into the water to save were the same person. And he, your uncle’s intern prodigy was your savior.

You felt your knees buckle because this man in front of you looked just as beautiful as you had seen him on Friday. His curls were fluffy and unkept and his torso strained against the navy polo shirt. His skin was golden from the sun and that rosy color that was on his cheeks before was there now but lighter. He was tall, so tall. He towered over you and was the most gorgeous man you had ever seen.

“Shawn, this is Y/N my niece,” Archer spoke up, breaking the silence, “And Y/N this is Shawn Mendes my intern.”

Your mouth fell open as if you were about to say something but you closed it as you heard someone from the hall calling for your uncle. Archer excused himself and slowly slid out into the hall, shutting the door behind him. You watched the door as it closed and clicked. Slowly, you looked back towards Shawn to see him looking at you the same way. He leaned against the counter-top and folded his arms across his chest and your mouth instantly became dry at the way his biceps bulged. Chuckling awkwardly, you clapped your hands together and faked a smile.

“Uh, hi,” you mumbled, “Listen, about Friday. Thank you for jumping in after me. Look, I can swim it’s just-”

Shawn held up a hand, stopping your sentence short, “You don’t owe me an explanation. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” he nodded before turning back around to look into the microscope.

Your brows furrowed, “Is that it?”

“Huh?” he asked, chuckling, “Is what it?.”

Your cheeks got pink because you found it insanely hard to talk to him for some reason, “N-Nothing. N-Nevermind. It’s all good. F-fine, actually. Thanks again.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, looking back at you, that smile making your stomach flutter, “Just glad that you are okay.”

Shawn Mendes you had figured out was the twenty-two year old from Canada who was your uncle’s prodigy. He was studying to be a marine biologist, like your uncle, obviously. He also played hockey, surfed, and was a total dreamboat. Or those were the words used by Kai.

She said he was one of the men on the island every girl wanted a chance with but he clearly wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. Kai had eyed him when he first got on the island but for almost a year now she was officially off the market. She was finally with Kanye after years of having the fattest crush on him.

That was another thing, the only reason you knew any of this was because you got that job at the marina. Kai and Kanye were right about Leo giving you the job without hesitation. You didn’t even have to interview. It was like a flip had switched since you started working. Instead of locking yourself in your room or on the porch you were outside all day. In the sun tying up boats to the dock, filling them with fuel, washing them, and doing other random things in the office. The tips were great too, you figured out. Plus after just two days of work, you had the darkest tan you had ever had.

You were in shorts and your Oahu Marina t-shirt or tank top every day and if the weather got really hot you stripped down to your swimsuit. You’d also take a dip in the water because that was another thing. You were dressed in a new swimsuit every day and you were able to swim and get in the water just fine. You were starting to think that getting thrown into the water was just the push you needed.

If you weren’t working you were always with Kai, Kayne, Lani, and Bo exploring the island; hiking, swimming, and having the best time. There was one exception though still, you didn’t surf or go anywhere near a board. That new beautiful board was going to waste. You weren’t ready and you didn’t know if you’d ever be ready.

It had been another long day out in the sun, soaking it up at the marina. Then after you all got off, you went for a quick run of cliff jumping at the closest quarry. By the time you got home, it was almost dinner time and your hair was still wet. Your nose was burnt and slightly peeling but the rest of you was golden and shining including your smile. You came skipping into the house, the kitchen smelling like whatever was for dinner. Walking past the dining table, you stopped and did a double-take as you noticed an extra plate set at the table. Laura was mixing up a salad at the kitchen island and you sent her a confused look.

“Uh, why’s there an extra plate at the table?” you called out towards her.

She spared you a glance, “We are having company. Sorry, if we forgot to tell you.”

“Anyone I know?” you chuckled.

“Um, I don’t know. Dinner is ready and he is going to be here any minute, so why don’t you go and get dressed. Get cleaned up a little bit.”

“What, you think he won’t like what I’m wearing?” you joked.

She shook her head, “Y/N, your tank top is soaked through so I can see the top of your bikini and you have dirt smeared across your ass.”

“I’m going to go change,” you announced, turning and heading to your room. You closed the door behind yourself to find a Stanley lounging on your bed, tongue flopping out of his mouth.

You showered and changed a total of three times, not sure what kind of guest your aunt and uncle were having over. The first thing you tried on was a yellow sundress and then a pair of ripped jeans with a black t-shirt. The last thing was a white flowy skirt and a blue ribbed tank top. You spun around in front of your mirror, barefoot, toes painted white, and hair pulled into a low ponytail. You turned and looked back at your bed, doing a little twirl.

“What do you think?”

Stanley lifted his head and peered up at you through his droopy eyes. He tilted his head to the side and you matched his actions. You lifted your arms expectantly, “Okay, I guess this will have to do.”

Strutting out of the room, you found Laura once again the only person in the kitchen and everything left the way you had last seen it except now a tray of shrimp were sat in the middle of the table along with some rice and a bowl of salad. Two voices out on the deck broke your gaze on the delicious food. You stepped towards the sliding door and peeked out.

You jumped back, mouth falling open, “That’s who our guest is?”

“Shawn, yeah,” Laura confirmed, pouring herself a cup of iced tea, “Archer has him over for dinner every other week.”

“That would have been great to know,” you mumbled under your breath, hands fumbling with your shirt.

“What was that?” your aunt asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing. I said great. It’s a great thing.”

Laura rounded the island and placed her drink down at a seat at the table, “Dinner is ready. Did you close the door to your room, so Stanley isn’t out here begging for food.”

“Yup,” you replied instinctively, not even listening as your eyes found the figure of Shawn outside. The fact of the hour was, no, you did not close the door to your room.

You felt your heart jump in your chest as Laura opened the sliding door and poked her head out, gaining the attention of the two men, “Dinner is ready.”

It had started to feel hot in the room real quick as he stepped in and you self consciously found yourself running your hand across your forehead. His eyes met yours and your knees felt weak all over again. The truth was after the lab and after talking to him for the first time that’s all you had wanted to do. He was someone you wanted to get to know which was uncommon because you were awful with boys and weren’t really into having crushes and everything else that came with it. But you would accept it all, the butterflies, the nerves, the drama, the heartache, all of it just for him.

You were showing up at the lab more often, just to get a look at him or try to strike up a conversation. It had never happened though. You’d always chicken out from talking to him and now here you were.

“Hey,” his eyes met yours, a small smile lifting at his lips.

“Hi,” you replied, sitting down at the table in front of one of the plates.

Shawn took a seat next to you at the head of the table and you shifted uncomfortably reaching for your glass of water to clear your throat. You watched as Archer sunk down in a chair across from you next to Shawn and Laura sat next to you. Without a second to waste, you started to dish up your plate, trying to keep your eyes from glancing towards the man next to you.

“Y/N, how was work today?” Archer suddenly asked.

You jumped, pausing as you held two wooden spoons over the salad bowl, “Huh?”

Shawn chuckled underneath his breath but covered it as Archer asked again, “Work? How was it?”

“Oh,” you smiled, nerves easing, “Fine. Good. You know, same old, same old.”

“Oh, yeah, and what adventures did you get up to with the fabulous four today? Your shift usually gets done at five so I’m thinking you guys got up to something,” Laura spoke up, sending you a teasing look.

You went back to dishing up your plate, biting on your lower lip, “Cliff jumping.”

Shawn’s ears perked up at those two words. It had only been two and a half weeks since you had been thrown into the water. Since he had to jump in after you. He wasn’t sure if he should be surprised to be hearing this because after knowing what you had gone through and your scare that had happened weeks ago, he wasn’t sure if this was too soon for you. He couldn’t say anything though because it isn’t his place too. He didn’t know you.

Archer chuckled as he took a bite from his watermelon, “Where this time? Black Cove? Myrtle Beach? Great White Mountain?”

“Black Cove,” you confirmed.

“Nice, very nice. Shawn, have you ever gone cliff jumping at Black Cove?” Archer questioned, turning to look at his intern who was being for the first time unreasonably quiet.

Shawn smiled, “Multiple times.”

You looked over at him and his eyes found yours. Before you knew it, you were caught staring, not able to look away from his enticing gaze. There was something about him and you didn’t know what to do about it. A guy never had this kind of hold on you before, with a few conversations alone. The rest of dinner you kept to yourself, quiet and only spoke when spoken too. The same went with Shawn. Both Laura and Archer had picked up on it quickly that they were basically having dinner for two.

By the time dinner was over, you had offered to help Laura with the dishes as Shawn and Archer went outside along with Stanley who had snuck out of your room in the middle of dinner, revealing that you hadn’t closed your door. You were supposed to be drying the dishes as Laura washed but you did less of drying and more of staring at Shawn outside of the window. He was in the middle of peeling his shirt from his torso revealing all of the skin underneath. That was another thing Laura and Archer failed to tell you is that Shawn didn’t only come over for dinner but to also surf.

When you had seen him at the lab over two weeks ago, his polo shirt left little to imagine what was underneath but now everything you had been imagining was so much better in real life. Laura laughed, gaining your attention, clearly noticing your gawking. Your head snapped in her direction, “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just are you going to do more drying of those dishes or are you just going to continue staring at Shawn.”

“I wasn’t,” you gaped, going back to drying the stack of dishes that had piled up.

“Mhmm,” Laura smirked but you ignored her.

Before you could protest anymore, the sliding door opened and Archer’s head popped in. He was now in a pair of his own swimming trunks and a long sleeve tight swimming shirt. “Hey, Y/N/N.”

“Yeah?” you called over your shoulder.

“We’re gonna go catch a couple of waves before Shawn leaves. You want to come?”

You shook your head before he even finished his sentence, “No, that’s okay. I’m fine.”

“You sure? You don’t want to try out that new board?”

“Completely,” you reassured.

“Okay, well could you grab Stan then and bring him back in the house,” Archer looked back over at Shawn who was waxing the bottom of his own surfboard that was white.

Nodding, you dried off your hands and stepped outside, stopping for a brief second as your eyes fell on Shawn. Bent over, waxing the bottom of his board and dressed in his tight pink pair of swim trunks. Stanley was laying down next to the board on his back, belly just asking to be scratched. Your eyes wandered across his back watching as his muscles flex. It made you want more than anything to see what he could do on a board but you didn’t want to come off creepy and you definitely couldn’t go out with them. That was out of the question.

You weren’t ready and even if you were, you would go without this gorgeous man there to watch you wipe out and crash because it had been over a year so that’s what would happen. You snapped at Stanley and whistled at him. He rolled on his back and his head tilted back at you. Shawn followed the dog’s gaze and looked back at you standing at the edge of the deck, in your white flowy skirt and a blue tank top. Now though, your skirt was slightly wrinkled and your shirt was riding up just the slightest.

“Sorry,” you apologized, not having any idea why, “I just have to get him inside. Stanley, come on, in the house.”

“No, it’s fine,” he smiled, standing up and taking a step towards you, “So, you can get in the water now, that’s great.”

“Yeah,” you replied, kind of confused about what he meant because there was no way he knew about your accident, right? Archer wouldn’t have told him because it was none of his business, right?

“So, you sure you don’t want to come surfing with us. The waves are supposed to be pretty calm tonight.”

What did that mean? What was he even saying right now? Oh, God did he know? You shook your head, “It’s really okay, I’ll sit this one out.”

“It’s a beautiful board, you got there,” Shawn commented, pointing towards the board Archer had gotten you and hadn't moved since you put it there.

“Thanks,” you shrugged, calling for Stanley again who wasn’t moving.

He took another step towards you and his smile widened, “Sun’s about to set, perfect weather. It’d be fun.”

Your brows furrowed together and your lip curled up because as he looked at you and said those words, you knew that he knew. You didn’t know how but this stranger knew your worst secret, “What is your deal?”

“What?”

“Why do you care so much?” you asked.

His face pinched together in confusion, “Nothing, it’s just-”

“You know,” you cut him off, “You know about my accident.”

“Y/N,” Shawn reached for you but you stepped back, head turning to look at your uncle who was walking along the edge of the beach, his board in hand. You completely ignored Shawn’s voice and his palm on your arm and that you had to get Stanley inside because Shawn knew which means anyone could know. You stormed down the steps and dashed towards Archer.

“Oh, so did you change your mind?” Archer asked.

“What did you tell Shawn?” you demanded.

“What?” Archer questioned, an awkward chuckle laced in the word because he had never heard this tone from you.

“Does Shawn know about my accident? Know about how I put my own life in danger along with my brother’s. Does he, a stranger to me, know that I almost killed myself and my brother by going out in that storm?” your hands were curled into tight fists at your side and your eyes were bleeding red.

Archer sighed, “He might’ve overheard at the lab.”

“And who were you telling at the lab that Shawn could have heard?”

“Malaki,” Archer admitted, dropping his board gently on the ground and stepping towards you.

You took in a deep breath, your hands finding a way to your head, “So Kai knows and if Kai knows everyone else knows. Great, does the whole island know that I’m a fucking screw up.”

“Y/N-”

“No, uncle Archer, just stop. It was bound to come out eventually right. I’m so stupid for coming here. Like my parents think being here could fix me. Because nothing can fix me,” you turned on your heels and walked back up the beach and up the deck.

You didn’t spare a glance to Shawn and sped into the house, Stanley followed without protest. You walked past Laura and towards your room and slammed your door as hard as you could. You never reacted that way or yelled at anyone that way, but you were mad. Furious was more of the word. Angry tears gathered in the corners of your eyes and you held them back from falling. It was embarrassing, what you had done.

Someone who was only stupid would go surfing in a rainstorm and you almost killed yourself and your brother in the process just because you wanted that wave. It was something you never wanted to think about or talk about. It was the worst moment of your life and people knew about it. People you hadn’t told or trusted to tell. It made you worry about what they thought of you and you hated yourself for it.

Ignorance, that was your mood for a whole week and a half. You didn’t talk to Archer and it was unbearable for the whole house. You worked like crazy and then hung out with your friends whenever you could, spending as little time at the beach house as possible. You knew you couldn’t do that for the rest of the summer though.

You easily still had a month alone with Laura and Archer before the rest of your family shows up. Another month, you couldn’t ignore your uncle, you knew that. Just yesterday, you took the first step and said good morning, and that night you were working your shit out. He apologized and you forgave him and you had s’mores. You also had a long talk with Kai explaining your side of everything that happened and she was understanding.

Today, you woke up with things good, more than good. With things back to somewhat normal. You had a long shift at the marina and both you and Kai ended around the same time. Pulling your ponytail from your head, your hair fell to your shoulders as you listened to Kai gushing over Kanye, who appeared to be the perfect boyfriend. You chuckled as she made jokes about how her latest date night went as you walked out of the marina’s front building and onto the sidewalk. Your laughter died as you looked up and your eyes met a sight that was bottom line shocking.

“What the fuck,” you hissed, underneath your breath, and Kai smiled.

Shawn stood leaning against the side of his black jeep, sunglasses pushed on the top of his curls. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was wearing that polo shirt he wore when at the lab. His gaze was locked on you and a small smirk was pulling at the ends of his lips. You hadn’t seen him since he was over for dinner and then it blew up. He was also due for another dinner soon which you were planning on skipping because seeing him would make your knees weak like they were now, and you couldn’t have that. Shawn had some sort of effect on you and you didn’t even know him. You snapped at him the last time you saw him and now he was parked on the side of the street.

“What did you do?” Kai asked, leaning over to whisper in your ear.

“Nothing,” you replied not knowing what you had done to have him waiting for you.

Kai chuckled, “Can’t be nothing. If you have the Shawn Mendes here unless he is here for me but I can say that is unlikely by the way he is looking at you.”

You shook your head, refusing to believe it, “Okay, well, I’m going to catch up with you later.”

“Fine but I expect a full report.”

“You got it,” you mumbled, stepping away from here and towards him.

You shuffled slowly and stood in front of him awkwardly, fingers fiddling nervously, “Shawn, what are you doing here?”

“You want a ride home?” he asked, suddenly.

Your eyes widened because this was another thing that was happening unexpectedly, “W-What?”

He chuckled, “A ride? Do you need a ride?”

“Oh, ah no. Archer said he would pick me up.”

Shawn scratched at the back of his neck, making you think he was just as nervous as you were, “Actually he’s not. That’s also why I am kind of here. Archer is working late.”

“O-Oh, okay.”

“So, a ride?” he pointed over his shoulder to his jeep, a black jeep that suddenly looked familiar. You did a double-take and remembered the last time you saw that car or the same exact car was at the party but it had surfboards leaned up against the back. You looked at it and then you glanced back at him and felt your stomach melt. That stupid half-smile was on his face and it was making you smile.

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, stepping forward. You shook your head as Shawn opened the passenger door for you and you climbed in. He closed it behind you and ran around the front of the car to get into the driver’s side.

You slowly buckled up and sat back in the seat, a small sigh passing your lips. After a second of realizing that Shawn hadn’t moved or even turned on the car, you looked over at him to see him already looking at you. This whole situation was the weirdest thing ever.

“Hey,” he said.

“Are you going to start the car or drive?” you asked, voice snapping a little reminding yourself of the last time you talked to him.

“Right,” Shawn laughed, unaffected by your pissy tone, as he started the jeep and began to drive.

It was silent between the two of you. He didn’t even bother to turn on the radio. You sat there, staring out the window fingers twisting and fiddling with each other trying to ease your mind and your nerves. His voice all of a sudden fills the car again and you sigh loudly, starting to think you should’ve walked home. “So look, I think I can help you.”

“Help me? What are you talking about?”

He smirked and you turned in the seat to face him, pulling one of your knees to your chest. He didn’t answer you and you raised an eyebrow at him, mouth slightly parted. This man, this beautiful man you didn’t know, and who didn’t know you was driving you home and making this claim. You slapped his arm and chewed on your bottom lip, “Shawn, explain!”

“Okay, well, I’m almost done with school and getting my degree. I’ll be done with my internship in about two months. I have two different job offers lined up, already at the lab. The first offer, I’d be working under your uncle, doing a lot of the same work I do now, but the second offer I would be working alongside Archer…” he trailed off and glanced over at you.

You stared at him attentively, “Okay… and.”

“I have two job offers,” he repeated, “If I help you get back on a surfboard, I get the second job offer. The better job offer.”

Shaking your head, you leaned back in the leather seat, “That’s not funny. Not a funny joke at all.”

“I wish it was a joke, but it’s not. Your uncle said if I can get you back on a surfboard by the time my internship is up, I will get the better job,” Shawn explained further.

“No, no, that would be crazy. Archer shouldn’t be doing that to you,” you said, running your fingers through your hair.

“Maybe,” Shawn shrugged, “So, when do you want to start?”

“What?” you gasped, “You’re actually considering it.”

“It’s the job of a lifetime with your uncle.”

“Shawn, no, no,” you protested, raising a finger.

Suddenly, he pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park. You were now outside of town and large green trees lined the road that you were on and extended as far as you could see. He turned in his own seat to look at you and his eyes were pleading in a way you had never seen before, “I jumped in after you.”

“Shawn,” you mumbled his name and it came out breathy and like a whisper.

“I jumped in after you and might have saved your life.”

“Are you serious?” you snapped, eyes narrowed at him.

He ran his fingers through his curls messing them up, “I’m just saying if you ever felt like you owed me anything this could be that.”

You disagreed, “No, trust me, I am so thankful for what you did for me but I can’t. I can’t get back on a board.”

He leaned closer and for the first time you were able to see his eyes up close and they were absolutely breathtaking. He was too close, you knew that, for someone you didn’t know so well but also if he kissed you, you probably wouldn’t push him away either. After all, it had been a long time since you kissed someone. Almost a year.

His breath fanned across your lips and you were losing sight of the conversation because of his pretty pink lips, “You won’t know unless you try. Look, we’d be helping each other out. I would be helping you to surf again and you would be guaranteeing me my dream job. It sounds like a win-win situation.”

You laughed awkwardly, “This is crazy.”

“Maybe,” Shawn shrugged again, “But it could be fun.”

“I don’t know you,” you reasoned.

“I don’t know you either.”

You bit into your bottom lip, fingers twirling with a piece of hair. Taking a deep breath, you looked back at him to find his hopeful eyes, “Fine.”

His expression turned to shock. His mouth fell open into a wide smile and his brown eyes gleamed, “You’ll do it. You’ll let me help you surf again.”

“I said fine didn’t I?”

The next day you had off from work which happened to be two days since your ride with Shawn and your agreement. You were supposed to be spending the day with him as your first lesson of learning to surf again. You stood on the deck, dressed in a pair of black shorts and a t-shirt over your swimsuit, your backpack swung on your back and the blue surfboard in your hand. It stood next to you and you tapped your foot impatiently waiting for Shawn who was late of all things. Laura and Archer stood in the doorway, whispering not aware that you could hear everything they were saying.

You turned and looked over your shoulder, “Excuse me, you two, I can hear you.”

“Sorry,” they both apologized simultaneously.

You rolled your eyes and pointed a warning finger at the two of them but more towards Archer, “This is wrong. What you are doing is very wrong.”

They both chuckled and laughed, Archer’s arm wrapping around his wife. He shrugged, “What can I say, Shawn is a very determined man and he wants the job.”

Before you could scold either of them anymore, the sound of the black jeep pulling up in the driveway grabbed all three of your attention. Archer shrugged and raised his coffee cup towards you, “You better get going. Have fun.”

You huffed as you slowly began to walk down the front steps struggling with the board. Shawn hopped out of the car and hurried towards, sending a wave to the lurking couple behind the screen door. He reached for the board and you turned away from him, “I got it.”

Dragging it the rest of the way down the steps, you froze as you looked at the jeep. Shawn’s white surfboard was tied to the roof and you glanced from your board to the roof realizing that you wouldn’t be able to get it up there alone. He laughed and extended his hand out to you.

“Yeah, okay,” you mumbled, handing him the board before slipping into the vehicle.

It felt like forever before he had successfully tied your board on the roof next to his. When he climbed into the jeep, he looked over at you, hesitance on his face, “Are you sure you don’t want to do this here?”

“Where my aunt and uncle can spy on us the whole time, yeah I don’t think so. Can you just drive, so we can get this over with.”

Shawn nodded, reaching for the keys, “Yeah.”

He took you to a private beach on the island, one you had never seen before. There was not another single person there and you felt encased as you stepped out of the jeep and felt your feet sink into the sand. The beach was small and enclosed around walls of rock but the ocean seemed vast and wide. You could already tell that the waves could get big here.

The water itself seemed crystal and you felt yourself drifting towards the water as the wind whipped at your face and neck. Shawn glanced over at you, his lips quirking up in a half-smile as he went to pull the boards from the top of his car. You turned around just as he began to slip the fin from the bottom of your surfboard. He carried the board towards the shore and your heart jumped in your chest.

Dropping the board into the sand with a thud, he faced you and clapped his hands together. You didn’t make any intention of moving forward. Crossing your arms across your chest, you quirked an eyebrow, “Are we getting into the water today?”

He shrugged, “We’ll see how things go. So, you ready?”

You held up a finger as if telling him to give you a second as you reached for the waistband of your shorts. Yanking them down, revealing your white bikini bottoms, you stepped out of them and bunched them together in your hand. You walked back to his jeep and pulled open the passenger door, grabbing for your backpack.

Unzipping the bag, you exchanged the pair of shorts for a black long sleeve surfing shirt. Shawn cleared his throat as he watched you slide your t-shirt up and over your head. The bikini top matched your bottoms with a scoop neck but he only got a peek as you pulled the surfing shirt over your head and down your torso. He ran his fingers through his hair as you turned and faced him, cheeks all of a sudden flushed because while you were changing by the jeep, Shawn had removed his own shirt. He stood feet away only in his swim trunks, his sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose and you had forgotten how beautiful he was under all of those clothes.

“Okay, now, I’m ready,” you mumbled, “What are we doing?”

“I need you to walk over and stand on the board.”

“Why?” you asked but then realized what he was saying, “We’re going over the basics?”

He nodded grabbing his own board, removing the fin, and flopping it down next to yours. He stepped onto it, “We’re going over the basics.”

“I have surfed before, you know. This is nothing new.”

He laughed, “I know but I figured we could go about this step by step and what better way then going back to the basics.”

“So you’re going to teach me how to surf when I already know how to?”

“Sort of. We’re easing you into this,” Shawn replied, placing his hands onto his hips, “Is that okay, or would you rather have me throw you into the water and see what happens.”

You shook your head and stepped over towards him and onto your own board, “No, this will be fine.”

For the next couple of hours, the two of you went over basic instructions you’d give to beginner surfers with a brief swimming break in between. The water was warm, warmer than you expected as the sun was barely shining through the clouds. You had dove right in, the waves seeming like nothing as they crashed across the shore. It was so different jumping into them headfirst, in the shallow water compared to being on a board where it’s deep and deathly. Shawn had run in after you and somehow a splash war had broken out. If someone asked, you’d say that you won but you were kind of biased.

By lunchtime, you two were sitting on the beach side by side on a pair of beach towels. Your hair was wet and brushed back out of your face. Sand stuck to your feet and your legs and a new shade of red appeared on your face. Shawn was next to you, his sunglasses now pushed onto his head, sliding his curls back. He glanced over at you and smiled. You gave him a weird look at his staring but the look disappeared as he revealed a bag from the local sandwich spot in town. Your brows furrowed and watched as he opened the bag and pulled out a wrapped sandwich. He handed it to you.

“So who did you call to figure out my sandwich order?” you asked as you unwrapped the sandwich to find that it was exactly the order you always got, “Archer? Laura?”

“Kai, actually,” he said, taking his own sandwich from the bag, “I got her number from her dad who works at the lab. I figured she’d be the best way to not only get your sandwich order but to also learn your deepest darkest secrets.”

“You mean besides the one about me almost dying,” you joked, taking the first bite of your sandwich and humming in satisfaction.

He ignored your comment, clearly not liking your joke since weeks before you were pissed beyond belief that he knew, “Okay, so maybe she didn’t tell me your deepest darkest secrets. Speaking of, what is one?”

You shook your head and narrowed your eyes over at him, “No, you first.”

“Me first what?”

“Tell me something first. I don’t know you, Shawn Mendes. I deserve at least one deep dark secret before I tell you anymore of mine.”

“Fine,” he chuckled, again and you found out he did that a lot when you were around. You didn’t know what it meant but all you knew is if that’s what he sounded like with a little laugh, you couldn’t wait to hear him when he really found something funny. “Let’s see. Um, I’m from a small town in Canada.”

“Being Canadian is not a deep dark secret or barely a secret at all,” you disagreed, re-wrapping what was left of your sandwich and placing it down on your lap. You turned so your full attention was on him.

You couldn’t help but to admire Shawn because from the first moment you had seen him even with the situation you had been in, you couldn’t ignore how undeniably gorgeous he was. He had a kind of effect on you that few guys had. The last time you looked at a guy like the way you found yourself looking at Shawn was years ago in high school.

You hoped you were hiding your interest in him well because you had yet to decide if this was a little crush or just an attraction. You were hoping it was the ladder. His head was tilted back the slightest, enough that a vain popped out from under the skin of his thick neck.

As you examined him, you could see that this man had the capability of being so soft, like the softest, but could probably also cut you like a knife with one simple touch. Where he had such boyish features, with his innocent smile and gleaming eyes, his sharp jaw and sculpted chest brought out that he was nothing short of a man.

You sucked in a breath as he tilted his head, an amused smile fitted along his lips. Your eyes caught a small circular scar that sat in the middle of his cheek and your mind jumped to possibilities on how he might have gotten it. His tongue poked out of his mouth bringing your attention away from his scar back to his mouth. “Well, what kind of deep dark secrets do you think I have? It’s not like I’ve murdered someone and rolled them up in the rug from my living room.”

“Have you?”

“No.”

“Okay,” you laughed, “It’s not that it has to be whatever skeleton you have shoved in your closet though may I say I have a few. I mean just tell me something, about yourself, that you don’t usually tell every single person you meet.”

“Oh, so just a regular secret,” he smiled, that perfect smile you already were beginning to love.

You nodded, “It can be, yes.”

“Okay, so, I guess one would have to be that I didn’t really want to be a marine biologist,” he mumbled and your face scrunched together in confusion, “Before, I mean. Now, that’s all I want to do. But before all of this, I wanted to be a musician.”

You gasped, mouth parting as you stared at him. Floppy hair, killer body, melting voice; musician could fit, “Are you fucking serious? You can sing?”

“Yeah, I did a little. I also played the guitar and piano.”

“Shut up,” you hit him in his arm playfully, “I play the piano. Well, I did but I haven’t in a while. Wait so how did you go from wanting to become a musician to a marine biologist?”

He took a bite of his sandwich before following your lead to wrap it back up, “I took a trip here with my family and I never wanted to leave. I loved everything about it, being near the water, the animals that lived here, all of it. I still love music don’t get me wrong, I always will but this is something I could see myself doing forever.”

“Wow, you and Archer were made for each other. Truly, you might be the best intern he has ever had. His pride and joy, so it’s a good thing I am doing this for you and you can get the better job.”

He laughed again and you swore the sound got better every single time, “Ha, thanks I guess. So, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Archer said you had finished a semester and just two days later were put on a plane to come here. What are you majoring in at college?”

“Pharmaceutical Science,” you replied, rolling your eyes, hands brushing your hair back, “I’m going to be a pharmacist.”

“Really?” the word slipped out before Shawn could stop himself. An amused look coated his face and his eyebrows were pinched together in the cutest way possible.

“Really,” you repeated his word, slightly offended, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He turned to face you fully and his cute eyebrow scrunch was gone now, completely replaced by a serious expression, “I just never took you as someone who would want to be a pharmacist.”

“And what does someone who wants to be a pharmacist look like?”

He shook his head, “I don’t know but not you. That just seems too boring for you. A safe option.”

“Okay, well you don’t even know me so,” you held up your hand to him.

“Fine, then tell me why you want to be a pharmacist.”

You shrugged, “It pays well.”

“That doesn’t seem like a given reason to do it for the rest of your life,” he said, leaning closer without either of you noticing. A small smile graced his face, his teeth peeking out between his lips, “Y/N Y/L/N, what do you really want to do?”

Your eyes shifted away from him to the water that glimmered back at you. The waves clear and the sun now shining. Taking a deep breath, you let it out slowly, “I don’t really know. I don’t know what I want to do. So, I guess that’s another one of my deep dark secrets.”

“Who is she texting now?” Lani, asked, lowering her voice to whisper to Kai, as she gathered her bright blonde hair into a low ponytail.

“Nobody,” you mumbled out, hearing her loud and clear though your eyes were locked on the screen in between your hands of the new phone you had gotten two weeks after you had lost your other one to the ocean.

Kai chuckled, rolling her eyes, “Yeah, right, literally every break you have that thing is glued to your hands.”

“It’s just Archer asking about when I get off,” you lied.

Both Kai and Lani shared a look before they were jumping from where they sat in the rolly chairs in the back of the office of the marina. You were sat on the counter, legs swinging back and forth, tongue poking out of your mouth as you texted.

They darted across the room, landing on either side of you, heads pushed towards your phone. You tried to pull it back out of their view but you were outnumbered two to one as Kai had your wrist locked in a death grip and Lani ripped the phone from you. She held it out of your reach as you begged for it back. Kai held you with all of her strength and stared over at her accomplice in anticipation of what she was seeing.

Lani let out a loud gasp, her wide green eyes locking with yours, her lips curling up in a playful smirk, “Shawn? As in Shawn Mendes. Y/N! Wow.”

“Shawn is who you’ve been texting nonstop these last three weeks?” Kai’s arms loosened around you, a large smile forming on her shocked face, “I knew that there was something going on.”

“Nothing is going on,” you rolled your eyes, sliding towards the edge of the counter, hand reaching out to Lani, “Now, can I have my phone back? Please.”

“This is so much more than nothing,” Lani chuckled.

Your hands found your face and you couldn’t help but shield your eyes from embarrassment because you had been caught. Shawn had in fact been the person you had been texting nonstop since your first “lesson” or meet up to get you back to surfing.

At first you had convinced yourself you only had his number and were texting to figure out days to meet or get together but that simply became an excuse as you found yourself. a week after your first day with him, hiding under your covers texting him in the middle of the night. Since then, your phone was glued to your hand and you were always jumping every time it buzzed. You had tried to be discreet about it but clearly not well enough since Laura had questioned you about it and now your best friends knew too.

“What?” Kai’s mouth fell open, hopping over to Lani’s side to read over her shoulder as they both began to scroll through the many text messages shared between you and Shawn since your first day at the beach together. Kai sent you the proudest smile like a mother would give to a child, hand clutching her chest, “Y/N Y/L/N, look at these cheeky texts. Who knew you were so good at flirting.”

You felt dirty though there was nothing but innocent conversations on your phone. You don’t know what happened or what to call you and Shawn. Acquaintances? Friends? Two people just talking? It was never awkward with Shawn you had figured out ever since you started texting because every time you saw each other in person again it felt normal and comfortable.

You had gotten together four other times at that secluded beach that had easily become both of your safe havens from the chaos on the rest of the island that was responsibilities and your friends. You had still yet to paddle out into the deep parts of the ocean and go after a wave but you were close.

Which you need to be since Shawn’s internship ended in five weeks and you needed to do this by then if he had any chance of getting that job. Along with those five weeks, it was officially five weeks until your parents, brother, and Gramps were flying down to spend August in Oahu.

Since the first week, you had mastered take-offs once again and skillfully riding small waves that still danced along the shallower waters. Other than that, the only time you saw Shawn was when he came over for dinner which was now more frequent than every other week but now every week. Dinner was no longer awkward with conversation only being between Laura and Archer like the first dinner had gone with the four of you.

Now it was sparked with conversation from all four of you and it had easily become your normality. Shawn had become a part of your normal and your life for the last month in Oahu and you couldn’t see yourself going back to a daily basis not talking to him.

“Oh, let’s send him a text back, I’m so good at this.”

“NO!” you said, jumping down from the counter, snatching your phone back from Lani’s hands. Your shoulder’s visibly relaxed as you locked your phone and dropped it onto the counter, “I do not need you sexting Shawn off of my phone and I’m not flirting with him. There is nothing going on between us. We made a deal, remember.”

“A sexy deal, I hope,” Lani giggled, her laughter falling short as all three of you could hear the booming voices of Kanye and Bo making their way towards the back of the office.

You took a deep breath and rushed out your next words, “Shawn is helping me to surf and I’m helping him get the job he’s always wanted from my uncle that’s it. We’ve been talking a little bit but that’s all, mostly about ideal times to meet. So drop it okay?”

Kanye and Bo pushed past the back door into the office and stopped as they noticed the three of you girls exchanging glances. You looked nothing short of stressed while the other two smiled and threw you mischievous glances. Kanye stepped towards you and sent a narrowed look at Lani and Kai, “What did you guys do to her now?”

“Nothing,” Lani rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest, “Why do you always assume that we’re the reason to blame?”

“Oh, did you ask her about the beach volleyball tournament?” Bo asked nonchalantly as he pushed past Kanye to get to the fridge to snatch up his usual break snack, a pudding cup.

Your brows furrowed in confusion as the topic of Shawn and the unfinished text message on your phone left your mind, “What beach volleyball tournament?”

They all shared looks and both Bo and Kanye had realized that clearly had not been the discussions going on. They also knew someone should drop the ball and explain by the look on your face, knowing it too well after all the summers spent together. That’s how it was with the five of you, well six if you counted Zach but in most cases you didn’t.

Zach was five years older than all of you and though you all hung out as a big group as kids, as he got older, the last few summers spent on the island he hung out more with Bo’s older brothers and Lani’s sister. It was usually those four and then you five in respected groups but now with you all in your twenties and in college if you all were together again, as in everybody, the groups probably wouldn't be separated. Somehow after you got the job at the marina, you jumped back into your usual antics with the other four people in the room, acting as time had never even passed.

Kanye had moved to the island when you were six and it was your second summer in Oahu. His mom and dad had just gone through a nasty divorce and after his mother disappeared from the picture, his dad moved them down here. He went to school with Kai and Bo all the way to graduation.

Bo just like Kai had lived on the island and grew up there his whole life. He had tan skin the same as Kai’s with the same jet black hair. He was shorter than Kanye as Kanye towered over everybody at 6’2, the same height you knew that Shawn was. He was leaner than Shawn though. Where Shawn was thick and muscle everywhere, Kanye was lanky and skinny but still had unbelievable strength as Kai liked to remind you on a daily basis as he worked on boats at the Marina.

Lani, on the other hand, of those three was in the same boat as you. She grew up in Ohio in the states but every summer like you would spend it in Oahu with her grandparents. Unlike you though, she never missed a summer from ages seven to eighteen. Then after she graduated, she moved down here for college. Before moving, Lani had pale white skin that now was bronzed and golden from living in the sun. She had long blonde hair that fell to her butt and bright green eyes that had been catching Bo’s attention as of lately.

You were the only one out of the five that had lost touch and basically fell off the side of the planet for five years but now that you were back, they had been forgiving and it was like you hadn’t disappeared at all. You crossed your arms and shared a look with all of them waiting patiently. They all looked to Kai and gave her an expected look.

“Right, okay,” she finally spoke, sending you a kind smile, “So, this weekend is the fourth of July and what you don’t know is for the last three years, there is a bash put on in our neighborhood.”

“Like in our neighborhood? My aunt and uncle’s? Yours?” you asked, interrupting her.

She nodded, “Yeah.”

“It’s great,” Lani exclaimed, “There is food, a band, games, fireworks and-”

Bo stepped over, chocolate pudding cup in his hand, “The beach volleyball tournament.”

“We’ve had a team in it every year,” Kai went on ignoring the constant interruptions she got from her friends.

“We’ve lost the last three years,” Kanye said, lips curled in a distasteful frown, “Last year we ended up in the gold bracket and in the final game. We lost to a bunch of students from the university who have a team every year too.”

Lani huffed, “They’ve won the last two years.”

“Okay, and you want me to…” your voice trailed off, glancing between your four friends.

Bo sent you a teasing glare as he scraped the inside of his pudding cup with his spoon, “God you can be so dense sometimes.”

You glared at him and punched him hard in his shoulder causing him to drop his spoon. It let out a clink as it hit the dirty ground and he groaned, “Shut up. I am not.”

“We want you to be on our team is what we’re trying to say,” Kai finished gaining your attention again away from Bo and his silent cursing as he bends over to pick up his spoon, “We need six players with one sub. Usually we have Steve, Pete, and Kim play with us but both Kim and Steve can’t get a flight in on time. We’ll have Pete but even then we’ll only have six players and we need at least one sub.”

Kanye wrapped an arm around your shoulder, giving you a bright smile as he did so, “Plus, besides Lani, you’re the one with the most experience with volleyball since you played it all throughout middle school and high school and almost went to play for you UCLA.”

“And maybe we’ll actually win this year since you can be our defensive weapon in the back row. From what I’ve seen when I looked up videos of you online, you are one of the best liberos to ever go to your high school,” Lani gloated, hyping you up on your past volleyball days, “You could make up for Bo always missing with his blocks. You could be just what we need to dig those hits from Block Party.”

“Let me guess that’s their team name?” you chuckled, looking up at Kanye and then to Kai as she nodded in response, “What’s ours?”

“Hit-Men,” Kai grumbled, “Bo came up with it and every year Archer doesn’t let us change it.”

Bo glared over his shoulder at Kai as he stood at the sink washing off whatever was on the end of his spoon, “Hey, I stand by our team name so watch it.”

“Wait, wait,” you held up your hands and looked between the four of them as Kanye’s arm slipped from around your shoulders, “My uncle runs the tournament?”

Kai nodded, smiling over at you, “Yeah, well him, Laura, my dad, and Kanye’s dad do. Archer usually is the official and Laura is in charge of the brackets. Then Malaki and Larry are line judges.”

“It’s that serious?” you question brow raising.

“Totally,” Lani replied, “I’m surprised your aunt and uncle haven’t said anything about it. They usually go into planning the tournament weeks in advance and always have the net up early. The tournament is always played on the beach right in front of their house.”

“Wow,” you ran your hands through your hair, surprised by all of this but suddenly very excited to play some volleyball again, “Well, I mean I have been kind of busy lately. I’m either here working, hanging with you guys, or…”

You cut yourself off before you could say it not wanting the topic to come back up. Both Bo and Kanye looked over at you waiting for you to finish, not having the slightest clue what you were about to say, but Kai and Lani on the other hand smirked at you. They knew exactly what you were referring to and they shared a look between each other.

“You can say it you know,” Kai laughed and you just shook your head.

“With Shawn, I believe is what you were going to say,” Lani said, smirking, “You're either working, hanging with us, or with Shawn.”

Bo dropped his spoon in the sink, his attention no longer worried about his pudding or his spoon, “Wait, that’s still going on?”

“There is nothing going on,” you corrected him, “He is still trying to help me get back into the water and on a surfboard.”

“You still haven’t caught a wave yet?” Kanye asked.

“It’s a process,” you raised your hands in the air defensively but the room fell silent as your phone buzzed from where it sat on the counter. Everyone’s eyes trailed to it and the teasing looks returned to Lani and Kai’s faces after their discovery of Shawn being your texting buddy.

You made no intention of moving as your breath got caught in your throat at the idea of it being him. Kai smirked, “You should probably get that and see who is texting you.”

“Bet that’s the man himself,” Lani mumbled, only confusing the boys more than they already were with the idea of Shawn.

“It’s fine,” you ignored the sound of a second buzz that vibrated against the walls of the office and sent a challenging look back at your two friends, who were convinced they had both you and Shawn figured out, “Let’s just go back to talking about the bash.”

The truth was there was no way they knew what you and Shawn were or what you were doing because you didn’t know it yourself and you were the one smacked right in the middle of it.

The week had gone by in a flash and by Saturday afternoon, you found yourself on the beach in front of the house, helping Laura with the bracket. Somehow Archer and Malaki had wheeled a large whiteboard down the beach towards where the volleyball net was set up. Laura had written out the golden bracket in a blue erase marker. After you had heard about this whole bash, you got home that night and listened as Archer and Laura told you how the whole weekend would play out.

Fourth of July fell smackdown on a Saturday this year and since the island had many different parties planned, the island was shut down from normal jobs besides the market and grocery stores.

Basically activities went as followed; at 10 a.m. kids’ games started involving face paint, potato sack races, water balloon fights, and surfing until about one or two where the volleyball tournament would start and was scheduled to have most of the beach for the rest of the afternoon. Then between 5-7 was dinner out in the street of the neighborhood as it was closed down from vehicles and had a bunch of tables set up. Then as soon as it got dark there would be a bonfire, sparkles, dancing with the band and fireworks.

For the volleyball tournament, there were a total of seven teams, one being parents and adults from around the island. The other six being people around your age from the university or who lived and worked on the island. You couldn’t help but giggle as you glanced over the list of names. The Old Diggers no doubt being the adults. You saw your team, Hit-Men placed right next to Block Party and you forced Laura to not pair up your teams for the first round.

Kai and Lani had expressed on multiple occasions through the rest of the week how good this team was and you couldn’t risk losing to them in the first round and being out for the rest of the tournament. You wanted to build momentum which is why you had Laura pair you up with some team called Serve-ivors for the first game.

You had seen almost everyone from the island or in Oahu filter around the activities and bash here and there but as for Shawn you hadn’t seen him. Since your friends ambushed you and teased you about your texting situation with the soon to be marine biologist, you reeled back a little bit. You cut down your texts by a lot and in the last week, you had only texted him once asking if he was coming to the bash. Other than that you were silent, worried you would gain more comments about it.

Due to his work schedule, you had not been able to meet at your usual beach spot but he said you could make up for it by going twice the next week. Shawn had said he would be at the bash but you hadn’t seen him at all in the morning or early afternoon and you were too scared to send him another text demanding when he would show up. So, you just tried to not think about him but focus on this tournament and getting a victory.

You watched as Laura wrote down the final two teams for the first round of the tournament, as you petted a Stanley sat in the sand in between your legs. Most of the morning you were hooked to your friends’ hips and all sitting on your deck moving around it to watch the kids’ activities, giggling and thinking of the times when you were their ages. Then an hour before the tournament began, you all changed in your suits and moved towards the beach to make sure everything was set up.

You tugged on the bottom of your white swimsuit bottoms to keep them from riding up your ass as Stanley’s tail flicked at your leg. You paired those bottoms with a navy bikini top with thin straps and a scoop neckline. Your long hair was pulled into a high ponytail at the top of your head, the ponytail braided. Sunglasses shielded your eyes and you stood shoeless and feet sunk into the deep sand. You had forgotten to put sunscreen on all day and a light dust of red already had formed under your eyes and along your nose.

Both Kai and Lani stood off to the side peppering a volleyball back and forth dressed in their own bikinis and hair tightly pulled out of their faces. Kanye and Bo had engaged Archer into a conversation as your uncle pulled onto the volleyball net to make sure that it was perfect. Pete, Bo’s brother who was 24 years old and was going to act as a sub on your team, was talking with his dad and mom who already claimed a spot for the tournament.

All of the boys were shirtless and dressed in swim trunks, torsos on full display. People were already setting up on the beach waiting for the tournament to start though only two teams were there. You patted Stanley’s head before standing up straight and turning to look at the court in the sand.

Placing your hands on your hips, you were genuinely impressed by how much it looked like real beach volleyball courts. The yellow net was nice, had to be expensive, and at the right college height. There was a thin line of white rope that outlined the lines of the court, stretched and held down by pegs. Malaki and Larry held red flags in their hands for their line judging duties and you couldn’t help but chuckle at how professional it all was.

Fifteen minutes to the first match all the teams were there except one, Block Party which was no surprise said by Lani and Kai. People from the neighborhood settled off to the side on the beach and sat on beach towels and lawn chairs waiting for the intense and entertaining tournament to begin. You lounged back throwing a tennis ball for Stanley since you didn’t play until the third game.

Laura sat over-analyzing every time counting to make sure all players and teams were accounted for. Ten minutes before the first game was set to start and the two teams that were set to play were warming up, Block Party finally showed up. They strolled down the beach and you did a double-take as you took in the few familiar faces within the group.

You tiptoed over to Kai and pulled her aside away from Kanye. Lani noticed as you turned your back away from the teams and lowered your voice to talk to Kai. She stepped over wanting to get in on the whispering too. Your hand gripped tightly on Kai’s arm as your eyes were wide as saucers.

“Please don’t tell that’s Block Party walking this way right now?”

Both Lani and Kai looked over your shoulder not trying to be stealthy at all making you frown in disapproval. Lani met your eyes first, “Yup that’s them.”

You tugged on your braided ponytail as panic started to settle into the bottom of your stomach, “How come you failed to mention that Shawn played in the tournament or that he belonged to that team.”

Kai and Lani tried to act innocent but evil smiles spread across their lips as they met each other’s eyes, proud of how this was playing out. Lani pushed her ponytail over her shoulder dramatically as a giggle laced with her words, “I guess it slipped our minds.”

Kai laughed and you squeezed her arm tighter which led to her pushing you off of her, scowling at you. You took a deep breath as you quickly glanced around your shoulder towards the team that was supposed to be the best in the tournament and was led by Shawn Mendes who you hadn’t texted in six days.

“Great,” you grumbled.

He was shirtless and after not seeing him since Monday dinner, you had missed his abs, you realized and you knew that was wrong to think. He was dressed in a pair of black swimming trunks and he had his usual sunglasses perched on his nose. His tan skin glistened under the sun giving away that he had put on either sunscreen or tanning lotion but your guess would be sunscreen because whenever you were with him, outside, he smelled like Banana Boat sunscreen. On his team there were five guys and two girls. Two of the guys you recognized from the beach party you went to when you first got to Oahu and the night you met Shawn, well not officially.

Brian who you now know as Shawn’s childhood best friend from Canada stood in the same green trunks he wore the night you met him. His light red hair now filtered with blonde highlights from the sun. The other guy you knew briefly was Cole, who Shawn claimed was not really a friend but someone he was stuck in the same friend group as.

The sight of the man who threw you into the water made you shiver and not in a good way. He was also wearing the same swim trunks from the night of the beach party. His hair was shorter now and it was clear he had gotten a couple shades darker from being in the sun all day. The other two guys you didn’t have a clue about but you could guess that they were Shawn’s two other closest friends Conner and Geoff, you just didn’t know which was which.

The two girls seemed somewhat familiar but you didn’t know either of their names. The short round one with blonde hair was the girl who had pulled Brian away that night at the beach party when you first met him and from what you could guess and piece with what Shawn had told you that was Lucy. She and Brian were stuck in a weird stage of basically dating but not revealing their undying love for each other yet.

The last girl was tall with dark hair, tan long legs, and a very skimpy swimsuit. You also made the connection by the way she was almost glued to Shawn’s hip that this was the famous Sammy. Shawn had complained on more than one occasion of the cheerleader from Texas. As you scanned her, you wondered how she was possibly supposed to play volleyball without a boob popping out unless she planned to stay on the sidelines the whole time.

Your stomach jumped into your throat as you looked back over to Shawn and your eyes suddenly met or you thought they did but found it hard to tell with his sunglasses shielding were his honey orbs were looking. But as his lips quirked up into a half-smile and he began to slip out from his group towards you, you knew your poor attempt of hiding was over. Your first thought as panic sat in was to turn and act like you hadn’t seen him but both Lani and Kai were also very awful at acting casual or like he wasn’t walking over here.

“Shawn is coming over here,” Kai mumbled.

“I know,” you replied, sweat forming on your brow. You didn’t know why you were suddenly so nervous. Maybe it was because you hadn’t texted him and had been ignoring his texts. Or maybe it was because both your friends and his were watching the two of you as he got closer.

“Okay, well, we are just going to,” Lani’s voice trailed off as she stepped away from the two of you and grabbed both Bo and Kanye’s arms. She began to drag them away towards Laura and the bracket board.

Kai went to follow but you latched onto her wrist, your nails pressing into her skin, “No, don’t leave me.”

“Sorry, kid,” she ripped her arm from your grasp and slowly began to follow Lani, “You’re on your own.”

“Bitch,” you hissed, crossing your arms over your chest, unsteady breaths passing through your lips.

“You’re not very good at hiding.”

The new voice made you jump out of your skin though you knew it was him. Shawn chuckled as you cautiously turned on your heels to face him but as you did you could see your four friends sneakily spying on the two of you from the bracket board. As you fully saw him face to face, you felt your breath for a mere second get caught in your throat because though it had been almost a week since you last saw him it truly felt like forever.

He was so breathtaking and you hated that your body reacted this way to him. You got hot, sweaty, red, and nervous. It was kind of evident that you had a crush on him, you were admitting it at this moment as you stared at him.

“I’m not hiding,” you found your words, happy that your sunglasses hid the terrified look in your eyes.

He tutted softly, “You’ve been ignoring my texts.”

You brought out a fake gasp but as you tried to lie you knew Shawn could see right through you because you were the worst liar, “I’ve been busy.”

He tilted his head to the side, a skeptical look on his face.

“I have been,” you said, gaze moving to look anywhere from him, “Been getting ready for the bash and the tournament, speaking of, thanks for telling me you were playing.”

Without even thinking, your hands reached and pushed him playfully at his chest. An amused laugh rumbled in him and he shrugged, “I figured Kai would have told you that I was or Archer since I play every year. Plus, I also had an idea Kai was going to bring you onto the team to hopefully heighten their chances of winning.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, I would have asked you first since you know you’re the libero that almost went to play for UCLA and all but my team was already full,” he joked, a smile dancing across his pink lips, “You also weren’t returning my texts so I couldn’t really let you know that I was playing.”

“I was busy,” you repeated, the words still not sounding a bit convincing.

“Okay, okay, I heard you the first time,” he held up his hands defensively, his smile giving away he was just trying to get under your skin, “But just letting you know, you saying it a second time doesn’t make it sound any less like bullshit.”

“Fuck off,” you hit him again, mouth open in shock, “I think you’re just jealous that I’m clearly spending my time texting other people. That or you missed me.”

“You totally got me. I just missed you so much.”

You laughed and shook your head at him, heart beating loudly in your chest noticing over Shawn’s shoulder someone else approaching. Before you could say anything else, a perfectly manicured hand landed on Shawn’s shoulder. You met eyes with a pair of green ones and held your tongue as Sammy’s hand protectively squeezed his shoulder.

Her hair laid across her back and you tried to ignore all of the skin spilling out of her swimsuit top. You watched as her eyes narrowed at you, sizing you up before a fake smile pulled onto her glossed lips. She looked up at Shawn and batted her lashes, “Shawn, the first game is going to start soon.”

As you looked past the two of them to the court, sure enough the two teams were getting positioned as Archer slid his black whistle over his head and onto his neck. You watched as Shawn stiffened under Sammy’s touch but even at the sight of that and his constant reassurances of being annoyed by the girl, you couldn’t help but feel your stomach stir at her hand on him.

He shrugged her hand off of him and forced a small smile on his face to not upset her, “Yeah, I know, I’ll come back over soon.”

Sammy’s glare found you again and she looked up and down, “And who’s this?”

“Y/N,” Shawn said before you could, “Archer and Laura’s niece.”

You knew by the look on her face that she remembered you as the girl that was thrown from the cliff rock and as the girl Shawn had to jump in after. She would never say it but you could see it in the way she was looking at you. Clapping her hands together, her tight-lipped smile broadened, “Oh, of course, Y/N. Hi, I’m Sammy.”

“It’s nice to officially meet you,” you replied, trying to stay polite though you were tempted to slap that look off her face.

“Well, good luck, may the best team win,” her words were sour as her elbow nudged Shawn softly into his side, “Probably will be us, not trying to be rude but we’ve won the last two years.”

“Eh, we’ll see,” you shrugged trying to smile.

It was almost like Shawn could feel how uncomfortable Sammy was making you feel by her death stare, so though he didn’t want to. His hands found her shoulders and he turned her to direct her back to his team. A teasing smirk was sent towards you as he called back over his shoulder to you, “Hey, good luck.”

“Thanks but we don’t need it. Better watch it Mendes, there’s a new champion in town.”

He shook his head no, “Guess, we’ll find out.”

The two-year reigning champs had fallen and they had fallen greatly. After a long tournament of double loss elimination, you had faced Shawn and Block Party in the final championship game. Not to brag but it was evident that your jump serve was the decider in your first two games that sealed those two wins. When you hadn’t been playing, you watched Block Party closely and by the end of their first game you knew their killer weapons were Shawn and a passer in the bag who you found out was Conner.

Cole was okay at blocking but Shawn was the power hitter. He could jump high and swing hard and was able to avoid other blocks put up but it didn’t scare you as you had gone up against girls that were Shawn’s size. All five boys on Block Party were in at all times and you found that Sammy only subbed once or twice in a game both for Lucy. Lucy was pretty good at playing back row but every time Sammy had to sub in you watched as they would lose their lead point by point.

In your own games, you always were in the back row as the libero and to get the first touches on any hits. Pete would sub every couple of rotations for either Bo or Kanye, who they themselves revealed to be good blockers. Lani, who was the only other person to play volleyball in school was always in the back with you, also a pro defensive player.

Somehow as the hours passed and game after game went on, it had all come down to the championship game. It was all on the line. You were nervous but beyond excited as almost everyone at the bash was gathered to watch the showdown. The victory was sweet but even more so with what came with it. Winners didn’t only get bragging rights and a gold makeshift trophy every year, but they got to throw water balloons at the runner ups. The catch being they weren’t all water balloons, some were milk balloons and you had wanted nothing more than to throw them all at Shawn.

While the other games seemed to be won by landslides, this one was head to head, point by point. Rallies were long as set after set was sent up to Shawn and he would go slamming the ball to your side of the court only for you to pop it back up. The other difference in this match was that you actually had to dive and slide in the sand to get Shawn’s hits while the other matches you could lazily reach for the ball.

By the end of this game, you couldn’t help but pick at your swimsuit bottom as sand was stuck in places that you didn’t appreciate. It was the game point, you were up by one and had to win by two. Your legs were starting to ache at this point as you had scrapes and sand stuck in your knees. Lani had served the ball and it sailed over the top of the net towards the back row.

Conner had popped it up and Brian setted it to Shawn like every other play. Standing on your toes, your hands outstretched and ready, your hair showcased down your shoulder you followed his graceful steps. He took four wide steps, eyes set on the ball, before he jumped high in the air, higher than the net. His right arm reached above his head as his left one sought out the ball. With a single blink, his right arm swung down, his spread out palm making contact with the ball.

It had come fast and low, flying towards the back-line of the court. You stepped back quickly and dove to the right, arms outstretched. You felt it bounce off your forearms and pop up into the air. Ignoring the sand that stuck to your body, you hopped back onto your feet, eyes locked on the ball as Kai set it to the outside where Kanye stood.

He did an approach like he was going to hit it but as Cole followed and jumped to block, Kanye’s arm reached up and tipped the ball over the net and the block. Shawn as the front row middle dove to get it but flopped on the ground a second too late. As the volleyball hit the sand and a final whistle blew out, your arms flew in the air, a yell ripping from your throat. You felt as Bo ran over and lifted you up, spinning you around. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

It had been a treat watching as the sun had lowered in the sky and people gathered around instead of scattering for dinner but ultimately waited to watch you chuck water and milk balloons at the competition. After the last two years of your friends losing to Block Party and getting milk balloons thrown at them, you knew the victory felt even sweeter for them.

You each had gotten a small bucket and you had saved three special balloons for Sammy the rest in your bucket reserved for Shawn. There was no saying which balloon was which, so it was a surprise to both of you when the three balloons thrown at Sammy were all water. The only exception from the losers was that they were allowed to be moving targets. Shawn had run around the beach and you chased him, him being your only target. What Shawn had also failed to take into consideration was that you also played softball in high school and had an impeccable aim.

10 balloons later, 6 being milk balloons, Shawn had been soaked from head to toe. As soon as you were out of the only weapon you had, he had stuck his heels in the sand and turned to begin to chase you. You instantly took off in the opposite direction not wanting to get tackled into the sand by a man covered in spoiled milk. Luckily, you had skated by with the help of Shawn’s friends Brian, Geoff, and Conner who basically acted as your human shield. Shawn had been the one tackled into the ground by his friends who also smelled like rotten milk. They dog piled on him, giving you the opportunity to escape.

As the sun was starting to set, you had run into the house and pulled on a pair of baggy grey shorts over your swimsuit bottoms and a white tight cami tank top. You had let your hair down the braid, creating soft waves before you snuck off to dinner. You and your four other friends squished into one picnic table and feasted on the grilled dinner admiring your cheap fake gold trophy sat in the middle of the table.

Somehow as it got dark, you got looped into sparklers with the younger kids as Kai and Lani went to reserve you a seat by the bonfire for the fireworks. You hadn’t seen Shawn at all during dinner but knew he was probably getting cleaned up. Archer and Laura had offered up the showers outside, on the other side of the house, to Block Party to clean themselves from the rotten milk and you knew Shawn probably wouldn’t have passed on that opportunity.

Just as the fireworks were about to start though, you found yourself tiptoeing away from the bonfire and friends towards the edge of the beach that was vacant and empty. It was so far away that everyone else looked like specs gathered around the large fire.

The whole neighborhood had settled waiting for the show to begin. The sun was long gone and you were far from the warmth that was the bonfire and you had never gone back into the house to grab a sweatshirt. You were shivering from the wind that brushed across your bare skin. Hugging your knees to your chest, you watched the waves crash against the sand and listened to them sing as they did so, blending along with the sweet melodies played by the band on the far end of the beach you were still able to hear.

A pair of footsteps walking along the sand brought your attention away though and you had to squint in the dark to realize it was Shawn. You sucked in a breath as he plopped down in the sand next to you, so close you felt his arm touch yours. Wet curls coiled at the top of his head as red bloomed in his cheeks. He was no longer dressed in his swim trunks but a pair of khakis shorts and a royal blue Maple Leafs sweatshirt, he always kept in his car.

You were the first to speak, stretching your hands out in front of you, “Hold up, wait, you got all of the milk off of you right? Because I can’t watch fireworks next to a man who smells like spoiled milk.”

“Yes, yes, I washed it all off,” he replied, arm nudging yours, handing you an iced black tea that you had told him weeks ago was your favorite drink, “No thanks to you. What the fuck was that by the way? Did I have a target on my back or something.”

“Well, I couldn’t throw them at anyone else on your team, I don’t know them and that would've just been rude.”

“Ah,” he nodded, smiling, “Makes sense.”

You laughed leaning back on your hands, tea placed in your lap, and a smile of your own beaming on your face. His voice filled your ears again, “Good game by the way, it was nice seeing the libero in her element. Really, thought we had you, though.”

“Yeah, maybe next time,” you teased, teeth chattering giving away that you were shivering.

“Hey, are you cold?” he asked leaning towards you, the sleeve of his sweatshirt pressing into your bare skin. Even from the thick material of the sweatshirt, you could feel how warm Shawn was.

“N-No, I’m fine,” you tried to brush him off but internally cursed as your teeth chattered with each word you spoke.

“Please, you’re shivering,” Shawn gave you a pointed look as he reached for the back of his hoodie and began to pull it up and over his head revealing the black t-shirt underneath. It rode up a little, revealing the mass of skin and you gulped at the sight though for most of the day you had gotten to see him shirtless.

As he slipped his arms from the hoodie, you shook your head at him, hands grabbing his wrists to stop him, “Shawn, it’s okay, really I’m fine. You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a problem,” he reassured you, not giving you another second before he was pushing the hoodie onto your head, “I’m basically a furnace all of the time anyways.”

Your head popped through the hole in the sweatshirt and Shawn helped you slip your arms into the sleeves. It pooled around you, clearly way too big but you sighed as it felt so warm from previously being around him. Neither of you noticed as Shawn reached over and tucked your hair behind your ear, smoothing it out of your face, “Better?”

“Better,” you nodded, taking a deep breath, able to smell a mixture of cinnamon and sunscreen.

Shawn’s hand dropped from your face to your back, he began to rub it softly and slowly and almost as if naturally, you leaned into his touch, knowing he wasn’t lying about how warm he was. He cleared his throat after a few minutes of silence, that had settled in, to start up another conversation, “So, are you going to tell me why you’ve been ignoring my texts?”

Just as you opened your mouth about to pull the same excuse you had said earlier out of your ass, Shawn stopped you, “And you better not say what you did earlier because we both know you’re a shitty liar. Like fucking awful, so don’t.”

You sighed, mouth closing again, eyes refusing to meet his even in the dark. His hand continued to rub circles in your back able to sense the confliction going back and forth in your head. “Hey, you really think after this last month you can’t tell me. You can say anything to me, so just tell me what’s up.”

Taking in a deep breath, you let it out as you shifted in the sand to face him. Your feet tucked under his legs and his hip pressed into yours. His hand slipped to your side and you stared down at your hands as you picked at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, “Kai and Lani may have said something.”

“Okay,” Shawn said slowly and calmly, “What did they say?”

“Well, they saw that we were texting a lot and said that something was obviously going on between us and then they thought I was flirting with you. I don’t know, I just thought I was maybe texting you so much, annoying you, so I just took a step back and stopped.”

His mouth parted slightly and his tongue poked out to run along his bottom lip, his eyes trained on you. Before he could say anything, your mouth began to ramble again, “But clearly that was not the case at all, so I’m sorry for not responding to your texts.”

“Wait,” he whispered the word as his hand drifted up grabbing onto one of the sleeves of the sweatshirt, “So, you stopped texting me because your friends said you were flirting with me or did you stop because they said that there was something going on between us?”

“Both, I guess,” you sputtered, eyes flickering from his wet lips to his eyes that now seemed to be showing how deep he was thinking.

“Well, why would their words bother you that much if they were just messing with you?”

You gulped as his words registered in your mind and you realized he had a point. If they were just teasing you, why did what they say bother you so much to make you stop texting him altogether? It was because what they had said made you second guess. It made you think that maybe there was something going on between you and Shawn and that scared you.

“Y/N.”

You shook your head, “I don’t know, Shawn, I guess maybe I thought they could have been right. I started thinking that maybe these last few weeks something had happened between us but then I thought I was stupid to think that, so I just-”

“Do you want there to be something going on between us?” he suddenly asked, cutting off your nervous rambling, “As more than friends?”

Your throat became dry and you shifted uncomfortably under his gaze because you couldn’t read what he was thinking and that didn’t help sway you about which way to go about this.

On one hand, you could be honest and tell him that since you started talking and hanging out, all you could think about was his lips on yours and his tongue in your mouth. Or you could go the other route and lie saying you wanted to be just friends if he felt inclined to friend zone you but that would be trickier as you were shit at lying and he was good at picking out if you were or not. He was not giving any hints or clues to what he was feeling and it was destroying you in the worst way possible because you definitely didn’t want to go about this wrong.

“I-I,” you stuttered, cold hands grabbing onto his forearm as he yanked at your sweatshirt pulling you closer.

As Shawn shifted forward you weren’t sure if he was actually leaning towards you or if it was all a figment of your imagination. Before you could make a decision, a screech filled the air sizzling and as it hit the sky a loud pop filled your ears. The sky broke out in color and you watched as, in a blink of a second, Shawn had ripped his head away from you and turned his attention to the light show in the sky. Because now was the time they started the fucking fireworks. Now, you really weren’t sure if Shawn Mendes was about to kiss you or if it was all in your head.

The water splashed against your cheeks and the wind tickled your neck. Your hair was tightly pulled into a tight bun at the top of your head, a few side pieces of hair hanging in your face. You straddled the surfboard, legs dangling in the water, and lips chapped. Staring forward, you trained and watched the waves one by one, breathing deeply and trying to pick which one you were going to chase.

They were ominous and waiting for you to take one of them by storm. Shawn sat behind you on top of his own surfboard, shirtless and curls pushed out of his eyes. His gaze was locked on you, watching your shoulders rise and drop with each breath. It was supposed to rain and if you were going to do this, ride a wave, get back out there, you needed to do it as soon as possible.

“Y/N/N,” the nickname slipped, “Do you want me to go first?”

You shook your head, lifting your legs out of the water and shifting onto your stomach, “No, this one is mine.”

You paddled out, leaving him in your wake, eyes set on the large wave that was forming. Your arms moved quickly, pushing into the water and coming out above your head. As the wave grew bigger and bigger, it was coming up fast. You turned to swap places with it as it was now chasing you rather than the other way around. The salty water stuck to your skin as you paddled hard away from the wave and all at once you felt it sweep under you.

Grabbing each side of the board, you pushed your chest up and pulled your feet under you. You stood as quickly as you could, knees slightly bent and arms stretched out. You got the board placed right and at the right moment too but you missed the connection because just as you got on the board, you were slipping. You fell backwards and the barrels of tons of water crashed over you, pulling you under in one swift motion. The blue board slapped against your back and you gasped, water filling your mouth. The strap around your ankle, stretched yanking you towards the surface as your board popped to the surface. You swam and resurfaced with a gasp, rubbing the water from your eyes.

Your chest heaved up and down and you grabbed at your board pulling yourself up and onto it. Shawn was paddling towards you as quickly as possible, face pinched in worry. Fear filled his eyes in a way you had never seen before. A gust of relief slipped from his lips as his gaze found yours. You sat up, legs hanging in the water again, “I’m okay. I’m okay.”

You repeated the words not sure if you were trying to reassure him or yourself. He stopped, hand reaching out for yours but you pushed him away because you still hadn’t rode a wave yet and you weren’t leaving until you did. One wipeout wasn’t going to stop you. Neither was Shawn. To be completely honest, you were sort of pissed off at him.

Last night, after the fireworks he left without another word. Then this morning he showed up to pick you up and didn’t mention anything from the night before. He didn’t talk about what he asked you or that you hinted at liking him. He didn’t talk about what you thought was an almost kiss. He just went on and acted like things were normal when in fact to you, it was far from it. Tucking a loose piece of hair from your bun behind your ear, you glanced up to the sky to see that it had darkened dramatically. It was also supposed to rain today which didn’t ease your nerves or your stomach the slightest.

“You sure?” Shawn asked, “We can go if you want, and try again another day.”

“No, Shawn,” you shook your head, turning to start paddling again, “I need to do this. Today.”

He sighed loudly, and you rolled your eyes, “Okay, but it’s supposed to storm, so make it quick.”

You ignored him and flopped onto the board on your stomach and began to paddle after the next biggest wave. It was starting to get even bigger than the one before and you took a deep breath as a clap of thunder erupted in your ears. It was a big bomb and it was yours. The wave shot towards the sky, a deep blue color, and as you could see it in the corner of your eye, you shifted and began to paddle away again. You could see that Shawn had swam closer to shore to give you space.

Closing your eyes, you felt the water flick at your feet and your paddling slowed down as that familiar feeling of the water rushing under you made your stomach turn. Using whatever energy you had left, you pushed up again on the board and slipped your feet under your body. You stood up, timing it just right, as the board glided down the side of the wave.

Whipping the board side by side, your breath got caught in your throat as all at once the wave closed around you forming a tunnel. Riding tight to the inside, your heart thudded in your chest as the white water sprayed at your face. You blinked rapidly to get the water out of your eyes, as you stared out at the end of the wave where the light streamed in.

A smile formed across your face as you reached your hand out letting your fingertips run through the crystal blue water. A giddy giggle left your lips and your heart fluttered in your chest. All this time, you thought you would never be here again. In this position, on a board, in the ocean. After so long, you had forgotten the feeling, the feeling of floating on water because it was all masked by the fear of being sucked under.

You had forgotten how light and powerful it made you feel. When you were on a board, it made you feel like you were on the top of the world and like you could do anything. That feeling, that high, you had missed all this time and hadn’t realized until now, and it was thanks to Shawn of all people.

The wave was losing momentum and getting smaller, tightening around you and the exit was collapsing. Bending down further, your feet dug into your board, and just before the tunnel could enclose around you dragging you under with it, you slipped out. It was a race of time and you won against it. You stood up taller, board slowing as it floated against the end of the wave. Another clap of thunder yelled from the grey clouds above giving away the limited time you had before the storm. Lifting your arms above your head, you yelled as loud as you could, heart-swelling as you found Shawn. He was cheering out to you, his bright expression matching yours.

Wave crashing back into the ocean, you jumped down from your board and into the water. It was cool and felt like a breath of fresh hair as it soothed your raw skin from where your board slapped your back at the first attempt of catching a wave. Not wasting another second, you got back onto your board and paddled further away from the depths of the ocean and towards the shore where Shawn was floating on top of the water.

He was grinning from ear to ear, cheeks coated in a red blush and hair a hot mess. As you got to him, you slid down off of your board, body engulfed in the water, and you grabbed at his arm. You ripped him off of the surfboard, yanking him into the water, the splash sounding in your ears. He stared at you, question on his face, breath unsteady as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His palms shakily found your sides and he tilted his head in the cutest way.

“What?” the word fell from his pink lips in a whisper.

Your smile softened just as your mouth sloppily collapsed onto his. Shawn tensed under your touch but relaxed as his arms wrapped around your lower back, pulling you flush against his chest. Melting in his arms, you sigh happily just as a drop of rain lands on the top of your head. His tongue presses against the seam of your lips but before you can open your mouth to grant him access another couple drops of rain fall to your skin. Clearly, Shawn feels it too as he pulls back from you, eyes wildly looking up to the sky. His lips are puffy, red, and glistening with your saliva.

“We should get back to the car before the storm hits,” Shawn mumbles, and you nod.

You both paddle back to the shore and just as you step onto the beach it turns to a downpour. A squeal escapes your lips as both you and Shawn snatch up your bags and break out into a sprint to get to his jeep, your boards settled underneath your arms. Sand sticks to your feet and your legs as the familiar black jeep comes into view, parked on the side of the road near the edge of the beach.

Shawn unlocks it and yanks open the door for the backseat, grabbing your bag from you to shove into the back along with his. Water is falling on the both of you, cold and shivering. You drop your surfboard gently on the ground and do the following with Shawn’s.

He is so focused on loading up the truck and getting you out of the storm that he hasn’t noticed you standing there staring at him, smiling as the rain soaks the both of you more. Goosebumps spread across his chest and he shivers, reaching for a dry shirt in his bag.

“Shawn,” you say his name and it catches his attention.

With one look over at you, he gets the drift and is gathering you in his arms and pulling you into the backseat of his jeep. He closed the door behind you and rain pelted at the windows. Your lips are hot against his and your limbs are tangled. Wet skin on skin, his hands trail across your bareback to the tied string of your bikini. He hovers over you and you both are lost in each other, wandering hands, skin on fire, stomachs fluttering.

It was another sound of thunder paired with a strike of lightning that pulled his lips from yours. You both laughed and a lazy smile spread across your face. Your hand reached up and found the back of his neck and the short curls there. His honey-brown eyes bore into yours and you swore that your whole world flipped as he stared at you like you were the most mesmerizing thing he had ever seen. How did you get here? How had this man become so much to you in four weeks that you couldn’t imagine leaving and going home? He pulled at your heart strings and made your thoughts scramble, not to mention his lips tasted like heaven.

His raspy voice filled your ears, “I want there to be something going on between us. Do you want this? Because if you don’t and I’m wrong just tell me.”

“I want this. I want you.”

He chuckled and just as he went to lean down and connect his lips with yours again, you stopped him, placing the pad of your thumb on his mouth. He raised a brow in confusion but kissed at the skin of your finger as you smiled up at him, cutely and innocently. “Shawn, thank you.”

“For?” he asked, acting like he hadn’t done anything for you when in fact he had done more than enough for being no more than a stranger half a summer ago.

“This,” you whispered, hand combing through his curls, “For everything. All of it since the moment I met you.”

He grinned, that innocent, bashful smile of his. The one that made his eyes crinkle and his dimples pop. The one that you had been thinking about nonstop and looking for every second you were around him. Four weeks ago, Shawn Mendes was just another guy on this island or well a guy who was working under your uncle and now, now he was so much more. He was the guy that had that perfect smile and had turned your world upside down in the best way possible.

The familiar pitter patter of soft raindrops echoed off the four walls of the jeep. The cool air rippled across your bare skin causing a chill to rip across your body. You shifted and your body felt stiff and suddenly encased in warmth. Sighing loudly, your eyes fluttered open and squinted against the new light. Looking up through the windows, you could see the blue sky still casted with grey clouds and still raining just as it had been when you fell asleep.

You ran your fingers in your hair becoming more aware and more awake as you felt the body next to you. Lazily, your head looked to your side and at the sight of a sleeping drooling very beautiful Shawn, you became fully aware of the situation. You jumped up, eyes wide as the memories of what happened in this jeep flashed in your head. A gasp slipped from your throat as you teetered back and fell in between the seats bringing the blanket with you. Head slamming against the back of the front seats, you wrapped the blanket around yourself as Shawn let out an incomprehensible groan.

Your eyes widened even more, bugging out of your head, if it was even possible as you scanned him to find him now completely naked and exposed for all to see, which was you. He was lying on his stomach, his arm dangling from the seat as his back moved and tightened. His hair was a tangled mess and his chin was covered in drool. As he shifted and stretched, his brows furrowed in that cute way you liked.

You were holding your breath as you watched him move, his hands sinking into the cushion of the seats. In an instant, his eyes peeled open, his lashes bouncing against the top of his lids. His bare ass pointed up towards the ceiling of the jeep and in that brief second of him waking up from sleep and coming back to reality, you were worried.

Shawn rubbed his eyes and in an instant as his head turned and he found you, a soft smile appeared on his lips, “Hi.”

“H-Hey,” the word came out as a stutter and you watched him carefully as he realized you were on the floor of the car and he was completely naked.

“Uh, what are you doing?”

You chuckled awkwardly, shifting to sit on your knees, clutching the blanket to your bare chest as you glanced around for your swimsuit, “I-I woke up and I fell.”

“You fell?” he laughed, hand coming out to push your hair behind your ear, not the slightest bit awkward about what had happened, “Okay, that I believe.”

It seemed your worry had been eased as soon as he smiled and laughed at you. Leaning forward, you pushed his shoulder lightly as your arms sat against his on the seat, “Shut up.”

Both of your laughter died as his forehead fell and connected to yours and his hands grabbed yours. He clutched them softly in his and the bliss of the morning rain, the bliss of his skin against yours, it all had you on cloud nine. But as you fully were awake and the moment switched back into reality, the full realization being slapped in your face, you pulled away from Shawn quickly. Your hand slipped from his as you began to look frantically around the car.

“Y/N, hey, what is it?” Shawn suddenly asked, fingers reaching out to trace the skin across your arm.

“We fell asleep!” you yelled, head snapping back in his direction, “We fell asleep and it’s morning.”

His beautiful brown eyes flickered to the window before finding you again and they now mirrored yours. His brows were pulled to the top of his forehead and his eyes were bugging out as his mouth dropped open. “Oh, shit!”

It seemed the morning dizziness and the line between still dreaming and real life had completely vanished. You both became chaotic messes, scrambling in the backseat trying to locate items that had been thrown carelessly the night before. Shoved deep under the seats, you found your cell phone. You clicked at the side button anxiously but the screen remained black. It was dead. Shawn was doing the same with his phone.

“Anything?” you asked.

“No,” he replied.

“We have to go,” you slid up next to Shawn, dropping the blanket from around you and throwing it at him. His gaze found your body and the new expanse of skin he hadn’t seen for hours. You snapped a finger in his face bringing his attention back to your face, “Hey, enough of that we have to go now. Throw on some pants and get the boards from outside, I have to find my suit.”

He sighed as he quickly picked his swim trunks from the floor and shifted awkwardly as he yanked them on. Opening the door, he jumped out of the jeep, feet sinking in the very wet sand. Another gust of wind hit your bare skin and you shivered as you located your swim bottoms, tucked into the pocket of the driver’s seat. They were still damp from being in the water yesterday as you slid them on.

The bumping sounds of the surfboards being pulled onto the top of the car echoed in your ears as you bent over the back seats into the trunk. You let out a cheer of accomplishment as your eyes met the white bikini top. Quickly tying it around yourself, it made you shiver as Shawn was running towards the driver’s door. Crawling from the back into the passenger seat in the front, you plucked a navy blue t-shirt and pulled it over your head.

You yanked at the seat belt and secured it over your body as Shawn slid inside now with a t-shirt of his own on and his body littered in small water droplets from where the rain landed on him. He turned on the jeep but before he drove off like you imagined him too, he seemed to freeze as his orbs traced your torso and the shirt that drowned your body. You hit him in his shoulder harshly, breaking him out of his daze, “Go, drive!”

He shook his head and listened, not saying another word, as he cranked the jeep in drive and gassed it off the beach. You leaned back in the passenger seat, slightly out of breath, looking out the window watching the slightly now flooded beach fade further and further behind you. The whole drive back to the house, your mind was a jumbled mess. You knew what it was like to come home late without a text or a call at home with your parents but this was something else. You didn’t come home at all without a text or call.

They probably thought you were dead somewhere in a ditch or ran off to become a flower child and travel the world in a van. There was also a slight chance that Archer would score a punch on Shawn which would be devastating and put a fork in their relationship. Shawn was your uncle’s prodigy and most trusted employee, Archer was going to offer him one of two major jobs. And though he had basically pulled a deal out of Shawn about only getting the better job if you were to surf again, deep down Archer wanted him to get the better job. If you spending the night changed that, you wouldn’t be able to deal with that.

Shawn’s hand was clasped on your thigh the whole drive back and you had yours on top of his, while your shoulders shook with nerves. The jeep whipped into the driveway and he threw it in park. You didn’t even bother grabbing any of your stuff from the backseat knowing that Shawn would be here for a while pulled into probably a long conversation with Archer and Laura.

As soon as you closed the door to the jeep and stepped forward towards the house, the rain coming down on you, Archer jumped from where he was sitting on the porch. He darted down the steps and met you, his face pinched together in a way, you couldn’t decide if was anger or worry. His eyes were set on Shawn who walked up behind you.

“Look I’m so sorry,” you started, needing to be the first to speak, “My phone died and we lost track of time. It was storming and well we fell asleep and I’m sorry.”

“Y/N,” his voice was calm but it was hard to know what to feel as he was staring daggers at Shawn, “Go inside.”

Your mouth fell open in protest, “No, look it was not his fault at all. Do not blame him.”

“I’m not going to say it again, get inside, now!”

You sighed, sending one last look over to Shawn who was trying to reassure you with his expression. You looked back over at Archer but as his jaw tightened, you took that as hitting the road. You ran up the steps and straight into the beach house, the screen door slamming shut behind you.

Peeking over your shoulder, you watched as Archer whisked Shawn away in the rain. You lost sight of them but before you could try and follow them, the sound of someone clearing their throat made you turn around on your heels. Laura stood leaning against the kitchen island, arms crossed over her chest with a less than intimidating look on her face.

“Uh, hi,” you waved awkwardly.

“Where the hell have you been?” she asked, tapping her foot against the wood floor.

You sighed, “My phone died, for starters so I would've called but I forgot. And it was storming and we fell asleep.”

She raised a single eyebrow up at you as her lips shifted into a smirk. Her expression communicated all things of why you were alone with Shawn in his jeep overnight. You instead steered the question away from the topic not feeling like discussing your sex life details. Clapping your hands together, excitement passed over your face, “I caught a wave. Like I surfed an actual wave. That was kind of large may I add.”

With a snap of a finger, yours at the moment, her expression changed from anger and worry to happiness and joy. She leaped forward, hands grabbing your arms, “Oh my God, really, that’s amazing!”

You smiled wide, happy to both distract her and share your happy news. That happiness though quickly switched to one of confusion as another voice one you hadn’t heard in months echoes in the room, “Ooh, who’s the guy. Is he a new boyfriend?”

Brows furrowing, lip tucked in between your teeth, you craned your head around Laura and gasped in surprise. There standing in the living room was your beloved Gramps dressed in a pair of white khakis shorts and a neon green Hawaiian shirt. It easily clashed with his favorite orange bucket hat. You jumped away from Laura and crossed the room quickly as your face lit up in a way your grandfather hadn’t seen in over a year.

“Aloha! Oh, my sweet Y/N, dear come give your old grandfather a hug.”

“Gramps!” you giggled, like you were nine years old again, as you hugged the old man tightly, “Oh my God! What are you doing here?”

“He came to make sure you weren’t running off and getting yourself into too much trouble but it looks like it’s a little too late for that.”

You stepped back from your grandfather’s arms and gasped even louder than when you had seen him. Leaning against the wall, still just as tall, his hair now longer and a slight scruff lining his chin was your older and much crazier brother.

Squealing, you ran and leaped into his arms. He lifted you up and held you just as tight. Zach had the same dark hair as you but instead of your eyes he had bright blue ones like your mother’s. He towered over you and was built like a wall with huge biceps and thick legs. It made you look like a twig next to your older brother.

He had been traveling for almost as long as you were locking yourself in your room. After the accident, after he had risked his life for you he had quit the mediocre job he hated and used his savings to backpack through Europe. You hadn’t seen him since he left and nothing had ever felt complete than being reunited with your brother in Oahu in all places.

Dropping from his arms, you grinned up at him feeling the lightest you ever had been after the months you had been living through. You gripped his shoulders and giggled, “Holy shit! You’re here. What the fuck?”

He laughed that same laugh you had been hearing since you could remember. It sounded just the same but slightly deeper. As you glanced between him and then Gramps, the situation dawned on you that if they were there then probably so were your parents. They were all there weeks earlier than when they were supposed to be. You whipped around to look back at Laura who was smiling softly as the rest of the family reunited but her smile faltered at the new look you were giving her.

“Wait, so I go missing for one night and you get the rest of the family here?” you questioned, “Is this some sort of intervention.”

“No,” Zach answered for her as he craned his neck over your head to peer down at where Archer and Shawn were walking along the beach, “But maybe we should. Who’s the asshole that kept you out all night?”

You rolled your eyes, “He’s not an asshole!”

“Then what is he?” Zach demanded.

“That is none of your business,” you answered, sensing the need to bicker with him.

He scoffed, “Well, I think it is considering he spent the night with my baby sister.”

Just as you were about to argue again, you held your tongue and then glanced between him to Gramps, “Wait, hold on, what are you and Gramps doing here? And when did you guys get here? And I’m guessing Mom and Dad are here too.”

“We flew in this morning. Your parents headed into town to grab those favorite coffees you like,” Gramps said, pushing his bucket hat from his head, throwing it onto the nearby couch, “We wanted to surprise you because Zach canceled his last few destinations in Europe but we got here and you were nowhere to be found.”

“About that,” you jumped up and down, sun radiating from your tan skin and white smile, “I was surfing.”

Zach at your words had completely dropped the topic of Shawn and what acts you might have done with him, his mind completely shifted to your gleaming expression and your words. It had been over a year since him and Gramps had seen this look on your face. Since they had seen you looking more like yourself instead of the shell that had looked like you on the outside but was anything but on the inside.

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and yanked you into his side. He squeezed your arm, beaming with pride for you but you easily slipped from his grip as you saw Archer through the door and down on the beach walking away from Shawn.

At the same time as you sprinted through the side door in the dining room, your parents came waltzing in through the front door. They stared questioningly at you, their daughter, as you quickly dashed down from the deck and onto the beach only wearing your swimsuit and a t-shirt. At the way you reached out for Shawn it was clear it was not your t-shirt either. Unbeknownst to the two of you, your whole family gathered around the glass door faces squished to the glass, watching the interaction.

Your hand grabbed his and your fingers as if naturally interlaced with his, not able to read the expression on his face, “Hey, what happened? Are you okay? What did he say?”

“Well,” Shawn took a deep breath, as he ran his fingers through his now soaked curls, “He asked me what happened? Obviously. He asked why I hadn’t brought you home last night.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell him we had sex, right?” you asked, eyes widening.

“I didn’t exactly put it that way but he probably assumed,” he shrugged, squeezing your hand as he took your other one too.

“Well, what exactly did you say?”

His face broke out into a smile, his cheeks flushing to a shade of pink, “I told him how I felt about you.”

A small laugh slipped through your parted lips and you stared at him still waiting for a full explanation. Your breath was being held in your throat as your hand squeezed his tightly and your skin prickled with nerves because this was all you had wanted since the first time you had talked to him. “And how do you feel about me?”

“I like you,” he admitted without a second of hesitation as his eyes were locked on yours, “Actually a lot, if you didn’t get that last night. I kind of have for a while to be truthfully honest, since we started hanging out. Also not to feed your ego but I never feel this way about other girls.”

A smirk spread across your face as your heart swelled from inside your chest, “You like me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Wow, I am so flattered,” you joked, leaning closer to him, your hands leaving his to travel up his arms, as he rolled his eyes at your jokes, “I like you too, Shawn.”

His smile widened and you felt another harsh tug on your heart strings. You leaned forward, still not aware of the lingering stares, too desperate to lock your lips with. This was also despite hearing the rest of what was said between the conversation between Archer and Shawn. Just before your lips could connect to his, his hands wandered down to your hips pushing you back to keep you at arm’s length away.

“There is something else,” he mumbled out as his eyes wandered from yours to your lips, “I got the job.”

It took you a few seconds for the words to register in your head but as soon as they did, your mouth dropped open and the happiest, girliest scream fell from your lips, “Wait, you got the job. Like the job?”

He nodded, laughing, hands wandering along your sides, not able to help himself, “Yeah, you think I’d also forget to mention to Archer that you surfed yesterday.”

“Oh my God,” you cheered, arms wrapped around Shawn’s neck, and without warning you leaped. He had barely caught you from falling to the ground but as he did, your legs securely winded around his waist as his hands clasped underneath your thighs.

You were glowing as you stared at him. It was raining and gloomy but at that moment in his arms, staring at him, you were glowing and full of pride. “You got the job!”

From within the dry beach house, six people stood with mixed expressions as they peeked and spied from behind a glass door. Laura held her hands to her lips, a smile hid underneath them and Archer had matched her expression after his conversation with Shawn.

Gramps looked just as happy about the whole thing though he didn’t know the kid who was spinning his granddaughter around in the rain but he didn’t care as long as it kept that smile you had on your face. Your brother was staring daggers down at the beach. Zach wanted you to be happy, of course, but he also didn’t know Shawn well enough to completely dismiss his overprotective brother instincts.

Your parents who had just walked in, hoping you were home, appeared beyond confused as they hadn’t even said two words to you yet, but they just like Gramps couldn’t hide the way their faces beamed from the happiness radiating off of you. Your family were being creepers but it seemed in another world from you and Shawn.

“So, who exactly is the boy that has his arms around my daughter?” your father was the first to speak from inside the beach house and the clump of creepers.

“Shawn,” Archer sighed, shaking his head in unbelief that his intern had managed to scoop up the perfect job and his niece all in one, “My intern and now partner at the institute.”

Zach huffed, “Shawn. So that’s his name!”

Your mom chuckled as she found your dad’s bicep. She squeezed it gently, “How much did we miss?”

“A lot,” Laura mumbled, leaning into her own husband’s embrace, “We’ll explain it all later.”

Gramps shrugged over the rest of their comments, his grin never faltering as he stared at you and the laughter he could practically hear from inside the house, “Oh who gives a shit. Look at the smile. That’s our Y/N. I don’t care who that boy is but I’m glad about whatever the fuck he did to bring my sweet grandaughter back.”

6 months later

It was cold out for a January day in Oahu. Sixty-six degrees and cloudy and wind had led to you pulling on an oversized long sleeve over your swimsuit. The material tickled against your thighs as the smell of barbecue and seaweed filled your nose. You stood on the shore, stare lingering along the light blue waves that seemed to pulse in time with your body.

The distant sound of Bob Marley floated in and out of the air coming from the porch where most of the party resided. As dinner was close to being done, you snuck down from the house and into the breezy night air, chest immediately dropping in relief at the fresh air.

Oahu, was only supposed to be temporary. Three months, you were supposed to be chained to the island, to your aunt and uncle. When you first got here, you had been counting down the days until you could leave and when the time finally came you boarded a plane heart torn into two different directions. You were home for a total of a week and a half before you had packed up your whole room and moved down here officially.

Your toes were dug deep into the cold sand and your arms wrapped around yourself trying to resonate some sort of heat. The sky was bathed in colors of orange and pink as the clouds underbellies were stained a shade of purple. It was one of the finest sunsets you had seen in Oahu and you had seen plenty.

Your mind wandered, lost in the waves and the sky of the pretty island. It was such a scary shock as two large arms swooped around your waist and ripped you up from the ground. A gasp was pulled from your chest as the person fledged full force towards the water. You weren’t the slightest bit uncomfortable or desperate to run from the arms that held you because it wasn’t any stranger. The swallow tattoo inked on the back of his hand and the belly chest rumbling laugh that vibrated against your back gave away exactly who it was. Not like you expected it to be anyone else.

A smile appeared on your face as you playfully struggled in his arms, knowing the water would be absolutely freezing after the weather being stuck in a rut of sixty degrees or less for the last week. As you assumed fully to be met with the spine tingling ice coldness that would drench your whole body, it never came.

Instead, you were slowly lowered just at the base of the shore. Your white painted toes sunk into the wet dark sand just as another wave washed up, rising to the middle of your calf. Naturally, Shawn’s arms were still wrapped comfortably around you, hands sprawled across your stomach. You sighed dreamily, relaxing into his chest as his nose brushed along the side of your neck. His hot breath fanned across the exposed skin from your hair being pulled at the back of your head. Lazily, your eyes fluttered to a close wanting to soak in this moment for as long as possible as the sweet telling words of Bob Marley’s One Love danced in and out of your ears.

Oahu was supposed to be temporary. It was a summer, that’s all it was supposed to be. Even Shawn was supposed to be temporary but by the time August came you didn’t have it in your heart to leave. After the summer you had from being thrown off a small cliff into the water to the beach volleyball tournament, all the way to you sticking your first wave all over again, you had become a different person.

You weren’t ready to be sucked back into your old dulling life that consisted of fake friends and online classes at a University you no longer could step foot on. Oahu had changed you and Shawn had changed you. You had fallen for him way harder than you ever expected and by the end of it you weren’t prepared to leave and act as if it was another summer fling.

Asking to transfer universities, you moved down to Oahu and, get this, in the same apartment building that Shawn lived in. You changed your major too after spending a whole year studying in Pharmaceutical Science to Marine Archeology and Marine Research.

You worked two jobs, on the weekends at the marina and during the week at the institute with Shawn and Archer. To top it all off, you surfed all the time. Almost every day, most often at the private beach where you and Shawn spent almost all of your time together during the summer.

Your life had been flipped upside down in a way that you didn’t know could happen. It all started with a push from your family of all things. In the last six months, not much had changed since the summer. Dinner at the Y/L/N beach house happened twice a week with both you and Shawn in attendance. Gramps moved down here just two months after you had, wanting whatever time he had left to be on the island. Your parents and brother visited once a month not even batting an eye at the expenses of flying back and forth. You and Shawn were waiting and making bets when the rest of your family would move here too.

Since your time together you had also met his family. It had been well over a year and a half when they finally had gotten sick of waiting for their only son to return home, that they booked a flight themselves. Shawn’s parents and little sister made a surprise visit, showing up at his apartment at all times when you were sitting at his kitchen counter in one of his shirts, your underwear, and nothing else. It was not the best first impression but by dinner that night at the best restaurant in town, you had switched their thoughts of you real quick. You and Shawn were perfect for each other and that was something anyone could see.

Spinning around in his arms, your cheeks warmed at the sight of him staring down at you, curls tousled and lips slightly stained from your chap-stick. Even after all this time, he still made you restless and giddy and nervous all in the best way possible. A dash of pink coated across his cheeks and you chewed on your bottom lip to contain yourself from jumping his bones right there on the beach in front of your aunt and uncle’s barbecue where everyone could see.

“Kai found me and said you had disappeared,” he mumbled, hands inching down from your lower back to the top of your butt, “Everything okay?”

You nodded before he was even finished asking as you slid both of your hands up his chest satisfied with the shiver you drove out of him, “Yeah, of course, I just needed a minute I guess. Plus, I wanted to see the sunset.”

A chuckle flew out of his mouth, “When do you not.”

You rolled your eyes, lovingly as you reached up, hand clasping around the side of his neck. Yanking is head down, you met his lips halfway in a soft quick kiss. You pecked his lips once and then twice before leaning back. Your thumb traced his jaw and like always you found yourself drifting off and being consumed in the airy familiar feeling of being with him.

It was an easy word to pin to it… love. You had been in love with Shawn for a while but you didn’t know for sure until a couple of months ago. Neither of you had said it but you both knew you never needed to. It was a mutual understanding how you both felt, one that didn’t need to be expressed by words, or those exact words.

You admiringly stared up at him, lashes batting and lips jutted out innocently as the familiar warm pool formed in your lower abdomen. That flutter you got whenever he looked at you. “You changed my life.”

“I feel like I should be the one saying that to you.”

“Please,” the word slipped as your smile widened and a blush bloomed in your cheeks, “You were living it up in Oahu as Archer’s intern prodigy before I even got here. You being forced to spend time with me was not life changing.”

“Hey,” he protested, swaying you from side to side as another wave hit your legs, “You don’t know what my life was like before you so you couldn’t possibly know how much better you made it.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Okay, yes, before you I had a job one that I loved and I had great friends but I was stuck in the same boring routine every day. I went to work, was pulled into going to the same parties, and I was alone a lot of the time,” he paused, glancing over your shoulder at the fading sun as he licked at his lips, “I was not a ladies man and you, god, Y/N you brought a spark back into my life. You made everyday interesting and kept me on my toes wondering what was going to happen that day. You changed my life, too and I’m very grateful for you.”

Tears sprung in your eyes and you were smiling like an idiot. You felt stupid for almost crying but no one, no man had ever felt this way towards you or treated you with half the decency that Shawn did. You had gotten lucky and thanked God every day for storing him on you. No other words could be said as you felt your throat hot and aching from trying to keep from crying.

Instead, not able to express in words, you locked your lips with his again but this was so much more than the few innocent PG pecks you had given him. This one was igniting and filled with such a pull it matched the energy of the ocean. It pulled at your heart strings and was the type of kiss that reached in the other person’s soul forcing them awake.

Your fingers curled into his shirt and you could barely stand on your two feet anymore as your knees seemed to buckle every time his hands moved to a new place on your body. That singular ‘s’ shaped curl tickled your forehead feeling just like it did when brushing against the skin on your inner thighs. The wind whipped at your wet legs and you shivered against his body which led to him pulling you even closer if that was possible. It was easy to get lost in Shawn, in everything that he was. You often found yourself sinking deeper and deeper into the euphoria he brought up in you that would forever be a greater high than drugs or alcohol.

Just as it had started it had ended as a high pitched whistle tore through the soft calming air. Your lips fell away from Shawn’s quickly and both of your heads snapped in the direction of the noise cutting sound. Archer stood at the bottom of the porch steps, hands tucked into the front pocket of his shorts as a pair of sunglasses shielded over his eyes though it was almost dark now.

Even from across the beach, you could see the furrow in his brow he got whenever he saw you and Shawn kissing. Archer loved Shawn to pieces and trusted him but as an uncle and second father he just always held that protective gaze. You felt Shawn’s hands slowly slide up from your ass to your back under the eyes of your uncle and you coughed to mask your laughter.

“Hey!” Archer finally broke the silence, “Quit with all the PDA and get over here, the food is done.”

Just as Archer turned and began to move back up the steps, both you and Shawn shared a look. His brow quirked up as a smirk fitted along his lips in that familiar look you knew all so well at this point. You shared the expression as before he even said it, you knew what was going to come flying out of his mouth, “Race you.”

Before you could even reply, he was giving you a light shove that almost led you to falling straight on your butt in the water as he sprinted off from your side. You giggled and shook your head as you regained your balance and followed after him, already knowing deep down that you had lost but you didn’t dare stop as you wanted to hear that infectious laugh of his for as long as possible.

You used to think your parents and grandpa ambushing you with Oahu was a bullshit situation but now you know if that was the case, then it was the best decision they had ever made for you because in the end it led you to him and ultimately back to yourself.

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5-seconds-of-bucky · 4 years

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Introverted (Best friends to lovers/College AU)

A/N: I was looking at prompts and listening to Dear Evan Hansen if you’re wondering why I decided to write all of a sudden. This idea kinda came out of nowhere though. I think I write too many stories about passing out too, but oh well.

Summery: You passing out is enough to make Shawn realize how much he cares about you.

Word count: 1.5k+

Warnings: There are quite a few words we’d consider baddies

To Y/N: Where are you?

To Shawn: At my dorm

To Y/N: I thought you said you’d come to the party

To Shawn: Decided not to

To Y/N: I’m coming over then

To Shawn: What? No

To Y/N: Do you have a real reason for me to not come?

To Shawn: You’re having fun at the party. Don’t bore yourself by visiting me.

To Y/N: Not possible. I’ll be there in seven.

You sighed as you read the text. To be fair, you didn’t have a real reason for him not to come over. It’s not like you had a boy over. Like you ever could when your hunk of a best friend acted like your boyfriend anyways. You had been feeling kinda sick and just overly anxious all day. A party was not the best place for you to be.

You did agree to go to it a week ago when he asked you. You smiled as you recounted the conversation.

“Come on, Y/N. I know you don’t like them that much but it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t know, Shawn.”

“Please? For me? Just this one time.”

You stared at him for a moment.

“You never go out and do stuff with me,” he bargained.

“Fine,” you huffed. He did stuff for you all the time. You could do this one thing for him.

“Yes!” He jumped up and hugged you. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I guess. You’re such a goof.”

“But you love me.”

“Yeah.”

If only he knew how much you actually did love him; more than a friend.

Six minutes later, a knock came on your door. You got up from your bed slowly and walked over to open it up. You were met with Shawn in a hoodie and athletic shorts, fairly similar to the hoodie and shorts you were sporting.

“Why are you wearing shorts if you have a hoodie on?” you both say in a mocking voice, referring to the time when a snarky girl commented that as she passed you in the hallway. Shawn rolled his eyes and bumped into you as he walked into your dorm.

“I thought you went to a party. Why are you in such comfy attire? Also, you’re a minute early,” you say as you close the door.

“I went to my dorm and changed. I gave myself wiggle room to get here so I’m sorry I didn’t walk slow enough,” he replied, plopping down on your bed and grabbing your laptop. “What are you watching?”

“Binging The Office.” You sat down next to him and moved the laptop to your lap.

“Isn’t this like the eighth time?”

“Yes. And?”

“Don’t you want to watch anything else?”

“I’ve already watched the One Direction documentary three times this week, so no.”

Shawn leaned into you, causing you to fall on your side. “You’re so predictable.”

You sat back up and shoved his shoulder. “If you have a problem with that, you can leave.”

“Nah, I’m good. You look like you need some company.”

You didn’t say anything as you clicked play on your show. Part of you was glad he decided to join you. The other part wanted to be alone so you could wallow.

Two episodes in and you couldn’t focus on the screen in front of you. You were really starting to feel like crap. It was probably because you had been laying in bed all day and didn’t have anything to drink. Maybe you had some Gatorade in the fridge.

You got up to check the fridge but couldn’t find any, remembering that you drank the last of it a few days ago.

“Hey, I’m gonna go to the vending machine to get a Gatorade. Want anything?” you ask as you put on some sneakers.

“No, I’m good,” Shawn says, a look of concern washing over his face as he sees your disoriented look when you look up. “You okay over there? Need me to get it?”

“Oh no, I’m fine,” you wave off. “I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t watch without me!”

“What’s the difference? You know exactly what’s gonna happen.”

“Don’t unpause that show or so help me I will-”

“Yeah, yeah. Go get your drink.”

You laugh as you walk out the door, your carefree demeanor falling as soon as you closed it. You were feeling more lightheaded with every step you took.

Shawn sat on his phone in your dorm, wondering why you weren’t looking so great. You weren’t one to bail out on him like that, so something was definitely wrong. Maybe you were just being your true introverted self.

Six minutes passed and you still hadn’t come back. He was worried. Maybe you saw a friend in the hallway. It’s probably nothing.

Nine minutes. The vending machine isn’t that far down the hall. You wouldn’t blow him off twice, would you?

Eleven minutes. That’s it. He needs to make sure you’re okay.

He walked down the hallway, doing his best not to run. You were probably fine.

He turned the corner where the machine was located and found you unconscious on the floor, red Gatorade spilled beside you.

“Fuck,” he mutters. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He kneels down next to you and starts to shake you lightly. “Come on, babe. Give me those eyes.”

You started to come to it a few seconds later, eyes fluttering and a groan escaping your mouth.

“Fuck, you scared me, doll,” Shawn said softly from above you. His hand caressed your hair as your eyes darted around the room.

“What happened?” you ask as you start to sit up.

“Woah, woah, woah. Hold on there, pretty girl.” He places a hand on your chest and pushes you back to the ground lightly. “You passed out.”

“Shit, sorry.”

“No need to apologize. It’s not your fault.” He brushed a hand over your forehead and frowned. “Y/N, you’re burning up. Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” He pulls you onto his lap and rubs circles into your shoulder.

“I don’t know . . . I just . . . I don’t know.”

“I’m gonna get you a Gatorade and we’re going back to your room so you can rest.”

You didn’t say anything as he sat you up against the wall and bought a new drink.

“Damn, you scared me,” he said as he looped an arm beneath your legs and one behind your back, picking you up and making his way towards your dorm.

“I thought I could make it back but I guess not.” You shifted so you could lay your head on his chest.

Shawn kissed you forehead as he rounded a corner, going to his room instead of yours.

“My dorm is the other way.”

“I know.”

“Then why are we going this way?”

“Because I need to keep an eye on you and I have medicine in my room.” He swiftly opened the door and set you down on his bed.

“You really should lock your door, Shawn.”

“And you should tell me when you’re sick.”

You scoffed. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Look where that got us.” He gives you a pointed look as he grabs a bottle of ibuprofen.

“I’m sorry,” you say as you take the pills and Gatorade.

“I know. I’m not mad, just worried.” He takes the bottle once you’re done and places it on the desk next to his bed. He gets in next to you and wraps his arms around your torso. “Get some sleep and we’ll see how you’re doing in the morning.

Shawn would not leave you alone. You had been fine for a week and he was asking about how you felt every two seconds.

“Shawn, I am okay. It’s been a week. I’m not gonna pass out again.”

“I know, I’m just worried.”

“Yeah, I know.” You sat in silence for a second. “We could go to that party on Friday. I need to make up for last time.”

“You don’t want to go though.”

“Ahh, you know me so well.”

“You’re so introverted, but you know what? I kinda like it. Nobody else gets to see the side of you I see when we hang out instead of going to a party. The real Y/N is so cute.”

“Stop,” you whine, cheeks turning a slight pink at his comment.

“But seriously, Y/N. I need to tell you something.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“When you passed out last week, it made me realize how I felt about you. I know we’re best friends, but I love you more than a friend. You scared me so bad last week and I was so scared something really bad happened to you. It made me realize that I’m . . . I’m in love with you.”

You stopped dead in your tracks.

“Please say something. Y/N, I know we’ve been friends forever but-”

You cut him off by pulling him in for a kiss. It was enough to get the message across but it wasn’t enough.

“You could’ve told me to shut up, you know.” His smile was growing by the second.

“Yeah but this way is better,” you grinned.

“Well I hope you never stop,” he muttered, bringing a hand to your cheek and kissing you again, pulling you as close as he possibly could.

#Shawn mendes #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes fic #Shawn Mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes one shot #Shawn Mendes one shots #Shawn Mendes Au #friends to lovers au #college au #Shawn mendes writing #Shawn Mendes college au #Shawn Mendes x reader #Shawn Mendes x Y/N #Y/N #boyfriend!Shawn #my writing #Anna writes

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mendesficsxbombay · 4 years

Text

send noods (II) | s.m

part 1 here

only took me about 8 years to complete this haha (more like 2 months but you get it) this is the longest fic I have written so far (over 6K what it do baby!!) I hope you like it!

Shawn silently shuts the door to her room after making sure she’s safely fallen asleep, well fed and high on “wormies” (Stomach worm medicines. Zahra Ameen shortens things as she likes to, and you are expected to accept that.) He hadn’t bothered a lot with his phone since he got here, so when he pulls out his phone to finally check it, he’s not surprised to see the flood of notifications. The only people who really needed to know where he was were his mom, Zahra, and Zachary, his roommate. “Zach” for short, “whiteboy supreme” for Zahra.

His fingers danced across the screen typing back replies to each of his project partners for their assignments due in the following weeks. She really couldn’t have chosen a worse time to fall sick because their mid terms were around the corner, a truck load of assignments lined up for both of them, and he’s thinking of ways he can probably do some of her stuff so she has lesser work to get back to when she recovers. Recovers, he thinks to himself as his mom’s words ring through his head. “She has a bug, baby, she’s not diseased, and she’s a strong girl and I need you to be a strong boy right now.” He silently huffs to himself because what does his mom know anyway? (everything.) He decides to quickly dash out and grab his laptop and notes over to her room so he can stay with her and work at the same time.

He shoots her roommate a text about going back to his dorm and runs out. Back in their room, Zach silently watches Shawn pack his things like he’s preparing for exile. His laptop, chargers, notes for 3 different courses, his nighttime face cream, a towel, a power bank, a sanitiser is tossed in and he’s pretty sure he sees a his family photo thrown in somewhere.

“Got everything you need, Shawnie?” Zach walks over and throws his arms around him from the back, clutching him tight. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

Shawn lets out a yelp as Zach becomes dead weight on him, forcing him to fall face first onto the bed, both now laying flat on what once was a pile of Shawn’s belongings. “Zach you know I can’t pack with you playing dead ON me, right? Move, jackass.”

Zach rolls over, propping his head up on one hand and continues to observe him, “you know I’ve noticed a few things about you, these days, Shawnie. And in my expert opinion I would like to diagnose you with a serious case of unrequited love, the subject in case being a girl currently diseased and lying in her bed high on wormies while you pack to move in with her-”

“I’m not moving in with her-”

“Interrupting is bad manners, you know? As I was saying, you are packing to move in with her, and I highly doubt she feels the exact same way about you, bro.”

“Okay, Zach. Get to the point, what do you mean, here?”

“See, I just don’t see her doing the same for you! If it weren’t for her staying over with you for your regularly scheduled, uh, activities, I would say that she wouldn’t come over at all! It’s always you going to her! Don’t you see that? It’s one sided!”

Shawn was still staring at him with a blank expression, still not sure where this whole conversation was going. “Zach, I need you to try and make more sense. I know it’s hard, but please.”

“Shawn, Zahra only has to breathe in your direction for you to be all heart eyes for her, like someone just says her name and you start blushing,” and unfortunately for him, he did start blushing again, “SEE? Shawn, full offense, I think you’re whipped trash and she’s just - not. I don’t think she feels as much as you do, and it’s really cute that you want to wait hand and foot on her, but it’s not reciprocated!”

Shawn looks away, unsure of how to tell him that it is, in fact reciprocated. They had talked their feelings out when they went home for winter break, made love till they couldn’t anymore and then talked some more and fucked some more. It was taken care of, Zahra Ameen was in love with him, too and they weren’t even dating yet.

“It is, actually,” Shawn starts.

“It’s what?”

“Reciprocated.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“When we we went back home.”

“She told you she likes you?”

“She told me she loves me.”

“She told you she loves you?”

“Yes.”

Both of them took a moment to just look at each other, Zach getting pensive, until he flung a deodorant at him. “She told you she loves you A MONTH ago and you didn’t tell me?”

Shawn ducks just in time, the bottle landing somewhere behind him. “We’re barely learning to say it ourselves, Zach, it’s not exactly meant to be advertised right now,” he was exasperated, he’d been through the same cycle with his friends before, as had she with hers. People didn’t understand their dynamic, and they didn’t expect them to. They’d grown from being close to closer at their own pace and all while being exclusive without even trying, they were good at being them and there wasn’t ever a time they needed validation from anyone else. “And even if we did you guys would start grilling us for not dating and being in love, why am I meant to-”

“Hey, hey Shawnie listen,” Zach steadies him by holding his shoulders down, “I’m happy for you, bro, if you’re happy with her then I’m happy too, I was only worried because you were all in, you know? And I don’t want to see you get hurt man, you know what I was like after Rachel last year.”

“You saw Rachel for 3 days and decided you were in love with her without talking to her and she’d had a boyfriend for months before that, Zach I’m not sure how that counts as heartbreak…”

“What are you? The heartbreak police? I’m telling you, I was in a one sided relationship-”

“It was NOT a relationship, Za-”

“What did I tell you about not policing me, Shawn? Now, glad we decided to have this conversation, I’m glad both of you are equally whipped for each other, you need to pack up and get to her dorm before she wakes up or else - I don’t know man I don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Shawn snickers lightly, taking in how Zach was actually disturbed at the thought of Zahra screaming at him for messing around with her a few weeks ago. Shawn and Zahra had a few ground rules. One of them being they never left the other sleeping in bed without telling them where they went - this way they never had to wake up alone, wondering where the other went. Waking up alone after not going to sleep alone was one of Zahra’s deepest fears, and she’d had a hard time communicating that to absolutely everyone except Shawn. She’d rambled on and on about the why and how before he simply said, “Don’t leave you alone in bed. Got it.” And so, a few weeks ago when Shawn went to shower and Zahra woke up without him, Zach told her he left for the day and didn’t want to wake her up. She was a second away from crying when Shawn came out of the shower and kissed her good morning. That was when she physically launched herself at Zach for making her believe he truly left her after she told him not to.

Goes without saying that Zach had been afraid of messing with her, avoided her for a week straight right after the incident and promptly left the flat as soon as she came over all other times. Zach still grumbled as Shawn continued packing proceeding to catching him in a headlock and pressing down on the visible hickey she must’ve left on him the last time she came over. Shawn pushed him away whining about “how many times have I told you not to do that, you absolute fuck?” and received a loud, “if you’re so sensitive why don’t you ask her not to?”

And we all know that would never happen.

Another 10 minutes and Shawn had taken everything he thought he would need, Zach still not leaving his side.

“You got your dorm pass?”

“Yes”

“Library card?”

“Yes”

“Vitamins?”

“Yes”

“Condoms?”

“Ye- why would I need those? Are you out of-”

“You’re going to see the one person I know who loves the deed more that you do, just figured you need them at hand.”

“She’s practically an invalid right now, get your mind out of the gutter, Zachary”

“Hey I’m just saying I can’t take the responsibility of being a godfather anytime soon, bud.”

“Good thing you won’t be one, then.” Shawn pulled out his phone to check if she had woken up and texted him after seeing the sticky note he left on her bedside, but his heart stuttered a bit seeing her last texts to him.

Babiest to shawny boy : (3:11 pm): feeling icky tbh but i had a rly cute guy come over to nurse me back to life

Babiest : (3:11 pm): he is the greatest souper on the world

Babiest : (3:11 pm): soup maker?

Babiest : (3:11 pm): might just fuck around and wife him up while you’re not watching. Love u

Did anyone go over to her’s while he wasn’t there? Not to brag, but he’s makes the sickest soups he knows, how could someone except his mom and her mom possibly come close to the absolute delicacy that is his world famous noodle soup? Why would she want to wife- I mean, be with someone else when he exists? And they exchanged the L word pretty recently, too, or did she not mean it? Why would she say it if she did not mean it? And if he’s honest, she does deserve the world, and he’s willing and ready to give it to her but if she wants it from someone else, who was he to stop her? He would wish it was him though. It always felt like it was.

He continued staring at the texts till Zach snapped him out of it, and he blinked away tears he didn’t know he had. “Hey, can you read these?”

He handed his phone over and continued pacing around the room, constantly running running his hands through his hair, biting his nails, just to have an outlet. Zach bit his lip reading the texts, unsure of how to respond. He wasn’t there when this went down, how was he to know if she was talking about Shawn or someone else?

“Bro, do you think there’s someone else?”

“I don’t know, I think…,” Shawn looked away, not wanting to cry when he doesn’t know anything for sure and definitely not wanting to do it in front of Zach because he was the easiest crier he knew. One person composing themselves is better than two of them losing it. The energy in the room had shifted in the matter of seconds. The airy, playful banter was gone as quick as it came, signs of possible heartache hanging over both of their heads now. Their friendship worked in funny ways, sometimes. Zach took on responsibility as quick as he could, and Shawn could let go of his voice of reason for Zach’s sake at any given point. If what both of them were thinking did turn out to be true, it would be the first time Shawn would have to wear his heart on his sleeve rather than the other way around.

“You can say whatever you want, you know that Shawny,” he sighed, looking back down at the texts. “We don’t judge around here…”

Shawn didn’t face him for a bit. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to. He continued crossing the length of his room while Zach resumed his spot on the bed, watching him intently. A few more rounds and he came to halt abruptly in front of him, eyes red from not crying, it’s a thing that happened to him. He let out a sounded that felt something like the air was choked out of him and he’d been punched in the gut.

“She told me she loved me, Zach.” And Zach started crying, and Shawn was about to join in until his ring tone cut them off.

It was Zahra calling.

__________________________

Zahra sighed for the third time in 5 minutes, she was having a hard time finding relevant information for Shawn’s next research paper. Her eyes were strained now and the pads of her fingers felt scratched into after working on her laptop’s touch pad for so long. Her hands uncovered her face and lay flat on the table in front of her as she leaned forward to stare at the screen as if that would make things fall in place together. She felt a finger link with her pinky, a soft, tired smile growing on her face as his thumb ran across the back of her hand. Shawn had a few nervous ticks, the easiest to ground him was through physical contact, easier so when she was around. Zahra flipped her hand over slowly, letting his fingers intertwine with hers, seeing him furrow his eyebrows over a particularly hard piece of writing and thinking of how quick the library matron would shoo them out of there if she just leaned over and gave him a few kisses, not many, just a few. She spared a glance around the relatively empty section they had found, and decided that loving on her boy for a bit was more important at the moment than having a secluded working environment.

She leaned closer, pulling him in by the side of his face to pepper kisses across his temple down to his cheeks. She felt his cheeks grow into a smile under her lips, a soft, “I’m trying to concentrate, baby,” coming through. “You work too hard,” she mumbled, finally pulling his face her way and kissing him for real. He reacted naturally, pressing down on her chin so she’d let him kiss her as he pleased, rubbing his thumb across her cheeks now.

It was her turn to smile as she felt his tongue pad across her lower lip, pulling away slightly to brush his nose against hers. Another Shawn and Zahra thing. She leaned back in, mirroring Shawn’s actions and swiping her tongue against his lip softly, keening as she heard him hum softly. He caught her chin again, but to lightly pull away this time.

“Control yourself, Ms. Ameen, we’re still in the library and your membership could be revoked if someone caught you engaging in such a lewd act,” he grinned lightly, pecking her one last time before getting back to work.

“Lewd act? Really? As if this is the worst we’ve ever done,” he tries to shush her but she continues anyway, “Remember when we went behind the bleachers after your game last ye-”

“Shut up, Zahra, honestly,” it was his turn to blush furiously, “don’t you have a paper to finish?”

“Your paper, you mean?” She rolls her eyes at him and he’s endeared to no end, really. As she slips her hand back into his, laying her flat on the desk before her presumably to take a break, his heart feels slight pangs that turn to jabs till he thinks he probably cannot breathe anymore. The day he read the texts, he went over to her house anyway, and there’s a lot of things Shawn Mendes was capable of but staying away from Zahra Ameen was not one of them. So he’d gone over, hugged her and kissed her like he always did and promptly ignored her when she giddily asked him if he got her texts.

Her face fell when he chose not to answer her, and she’s not used to not getting a reply from him so she pressed a bit more till he brought in the remaining soup for her to finish and go back to sleep. He knew they were coming to an end, sooner than he expected, and he actually didn’t expect this at all. An unfortunate part of him believed they were it, they were endgame, they were each other’s “ult faves” as Zahra said. All good things come to an end, though, and as much as he wished it was him and her at the end, he couldn’t dream if holding her back from anything. Maybe a better love was in store for her, and the least he could do was let her have it, the most he could do was hold onto whatever they had until she told him the truth.

He didn’t stop with the hand holding or the kisses or the I love you’s, and to his misery neither did she. If anything she became softer around him, killing him inside all while holding his hand. He thought it was just a way to make the blow softer, whenever the blow eventually comes.

And now a week later as she held his hand under a desk in their university library, he wishes he had tried talking to her about it on the same day. It would spare him the pain of holding her hand and thinking it’s the last time he’ll ever get to do so, it was exhausting to constantly think of each time as their last.

He looked up from their hands to see Amisha walking over, nudging Zahra to sit up and greet her classmate. She rubbed at her eyes, reminding him to get the mock papers he was supposed to refer to while writing his own. Shawn pulled away, grateful for the distance all of a sudden as he saw her get out of her seat for the first time in over 2 hours, hugging Amisha and catching up softly, keeping their voices to a whisper.

He thumbed through the piles of papers available to him, picking out a few randomly and signing in his name on the counter. At times he was grateful Zahra forced him to get a library card and then forced him to study with her endlessly because he had grown to love the place. As he walked back his tennis shoes made a light thwack sound against the marble of the surprisingly dead room, focusing back on Zahra.

Amisha and Zahra had lots in common. They picked the same Majors, same Minors, happened to be the only two second year’s on the debate team and shared their heritage being two of the many Indian girls on campus. Amisha had also learned of how much Zahra loved their campus library, and made sure to her rounds each time she came in in hopes of running into her.

Zahra spoke animatedly about falling sick the previous week and as Amisha asked her if she’d started working on her own research papers due soon. “I have! I promise, just let me finish my boyfriend’s and I’ll get back to mine for reals,” the answer would’ve gone on for longer had they not heard a pile of something fall behind them, disturbing the silence around them.

Shawn’s heart was in his mouth and his hands shook even after the papers slipped through. Boyfriend? Things had gotten to a point of Zahra having a boyfriend and she still let him kiss her?

“You okay, Bub?” Zahra rushed over, helping him get his precious mocks into one pile again and raising her brow when he didn’t reply, just stared at her dumbly. “Shawn?”

“Hey um, we have class beginning in 10 and the walk is usually takes us 15 so…” Zahra looked back at Amisha who looked ready to break into a sprint if she said the word.

She nodded to the door and Amisha took the signal and left with her bookbag as Zahra frantically packed her own stuff, starting to throw instructions at Shawn for his remaining assignments, things like “I’ll email you the final design by tonight” and “we’ll finish your report writing by tomorrow” and “I’ll see how your business prof doesn’t give you the highest grade after seeing the model we’re working on, babe.”

dontcrydontcrydontcry he chanted in his mind, still not sure of what to tell her or how to react, the jabs felt in his heart again. She finally turned to him, cupping both his cheeks and pressing one long kiss to his lips, enough for him to make it through the day usually but right now, it didn’t feel like he’d make it through the next minute.

“We’re gonna crush this sem, baby,” she grinned, her eyes sparkling before she turned around and ran out after Amisha. He wasn’t sure if it was her leaving or the wind just not finding place in his lungs but his poor heart and his poor mind were barely hanging on by a thread. Thoughts of her consumed him within a second of her leaving, and his sanity seemed further and further away. He was used to feeling weak in the knees around her, but not so much in her absence.

_____________

Zach pulled his backpack up higher on his shoulder as he waited for his group to join him at the campus cafe he’d been waiting at for the past 10 minutes. His mind was working overtime as he didn’t know how he’d face Zahra while he knew how bad Shawn was taking the hit of their relationship. He hated the image of Shawn walking home with red rimmed eyes for the second time in the same week after he knew he met Zahra at the library. He didn’t have the heart to ask him the reason why because he already knew.

Which is what brings him here, because he shared 2 classes with Zahra, and Shawn doesn’t. Zach was already nervous around her because she was at the top of most of her classes anyway, and she was in group project for this particular one. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to act like everything was fine between them, or between her and Shawn. From what he gathered from Shawn, she acted like everything was fuckin’ dandy. A part of him wanted to call her out, hurt her for hurting his best friend but a bigger part of him knew how that would affect Shawn. To him Zahra had hung the moon, and Zach would comply for his sake. Seeing her walk towards him with the rest of their group, he took a deep breath, narrowing his eyes, as if he was preparing for attack. He didn’t gain second place in his school’s acting competition to never put his skills to use. If she could pretend, he could pretend, too.

___________

He couldn’t pretend for the life of him. It had been two hours and all he did was stare at her with a blank expression, he would give mono-syllabic answers each time someone asked for his inputs and he could see her grow uncomfortable under his stare over time. They had their books and papers piled onto the table along with their coffees and snacks, he couldn’t even finish half of his iced coffee and Zach loved iced coffee.

In his mind he played a dramatic scene where he stood up and screamed “How could you?!” in her face before throwing all their books off the table and saying something more like “You should be ashamed of yourself, Zahra Ameen,” or “How do you sleep at night knowing you’re a cheater?” and storming out of the cafe but a) Zach had social anxiety and therefore hated being the centre of attention and b) their notes were expensive and he wasn’t about to throw them to the floor anytime soon. And he would very much like to not be banned from the only cafe they have on campus, thank you very much.

So all that was left for him to do was stare, and hope to God that it was enough for her to own up to what she did. She was in the middle of showing the group designs she had worked on in the past, trying to gain inspirations for their coming submission and he visibly winced as he recognised two of those as work she’d done for Shawn in the past. She accidentally picked up the mug next to her own and took a sip, nearly spitting it out and saying the most pained, “Is that peppermint hot chocolate?” The group all burst into laughter as her distaste for the poor drink just grew bigger. “Why are you guys laughing? It’s genuinely the worst thing ever!! What kind of sociopath drank good ol’ hot chocolate and thought, hmm, how can I make the best thing in the world taste bad?”

“It’s not even bad, it’s like the upgraded version of hot chocolate, Zahra, you just don’t have taste,” the girl next to her giggled.

“God, you sound exactly like my boyfriend, you guys should start a cult,” she rolled her eyes, “And as much as I don’t support this agenda, he loves this disgraced drink from the place on 21st, if you ever want to try it out.”

Zach looked like he’d seen a ghost. He looked like the life had been sucked out of him. His heart clenched and his hands shook. If this is how I’m feeling then what on earth is Shawn going through? He continues staring at her for just a second longer, mumbling the tiniest, lowest, “How could you, Zahra?” before he rushes to stuff his things into his bag, the group looking at him in his confusion.

“Are you okay?” Of course she had to be the one to ask him that, that’s just how great his life is.

“No - I mean, I have somewhere to be, bye,” and then he’s dashing out the door. He runs and runs, doesn’t stop until he reaches their dorm and barges inside their house. A few stray tears may or may not have fallen out in his state of frustration, and he sees Shawn by his desk and runs over and wraps his arms around him in the tightest hug he could muster.

“I’m sorry, Shawn I’m so, so sorry you don’t deserve this,” he cries into his shoulder, “You deserve everything, bro, you deserve the world..”

Shawn was used to Zach crying at the smallest of things, he was an easy crier, that one. And yet he had never truly heard wails so heartbroken come from him, not even when Shawn made Zach watch The Notebook with him for the first time. He wraps his arms around Zach, trying to comfort him but to no avail, his cries growing deeper by the second. Shawn himself was spent, the past few days having taken a swing at his health, and this was the second day he had avoided the mirror. It was embarrassing how much he had let a girl affect him but if he was being honest, he knew she was anything but.

He shushed Zach again, now rubbing his back, telling him he couldn’t fix whatever it was that made him so sad if he didn’t talk to him at all.

“It’s her, it’s Zahra she’s- she,” he could barely talk through his hiccups and Shawn’s heart broke at the mention of her all over again. He coaxed Zach into speaking more, “She does have a boyfriend, Shawn, she said it today, she said it in front of me like, she said her boyfriend loves some hot chocolate from the 21st street place and she - she knew I was right there in front of her, and she said it so easy, like she doesn’t even care, and why aren’t you saying anything?!”

What can I possibly say, he thought.

“It’s okay, buddy, she’s with someone else, that’s not the end of the world, is it?” he smiled weakly. It was though, he felt like his world was seconds away from burning every time he thought of her.

“But she’s - you - you love her, Shawn, and you’ve never loved like this before,” Zach cried out.

“I need you to calm down, first, Zachary,” he let out a dry laugh, ignoring his best friend’s protests, “She’s allowed to love someone else, buddy, I guess it wasn’t so requited after all… and if she’s happy with someone else… then I’m happy for her, I can’t be angry because she doesn’t love me back, that’s not fair on her or on me,” he sniffled a bit, looking away and ignoring the burn in his eyes, “I guess - I mean, I’ll always wish it was me and her at the end, you know? But you can’t fight for everything, that’s not how love works, it works when you’re at peace, and maybe I’m not at peace today or tomorrow but some day I will be…”

Zach watches his best friend struggle with his words, his emotions and mostly his love that he can’t contain no matter how much he tries. He can’t help but mumble back to him, “Shawn I know we’ve always been against physically abusing women but you remember Riya from freshman year? She won the Inter College women on women boxing championship this year, I can get her to rough Zahr-”

Shawn lets out the first laugh Zach has heard in days, smiling despite himself. “That won’t be necessary, we’re not sending someone to beat up the girl I still love.”

Shawn goes to get Zach some water now that he has finally calmed down with the crying and is now settling himself onto his bed when he hears a series of knocks on the door, a chill running down his spine when he realises only one person knew that pattern. Zach goes over to open the door before he can stop him.

His face contorts almost immediately upon seeing Zahra, defence mode kicking in automatically.

“Are you okay?” She starts, “You ran out of there like-”

“Shawn’s not here if you’re looking for him,” he snipes.

“Where is he?”

“He has a class right now.”

“Which one?”

“Integrated uh, Marketing.”

“Nice try, he had that class yesterday,” she shoves past him, entering their dorm and finding Shawn looking like a wounded puppy in the kitchen area. “Hi…” she says softly, careful to approach him. “You didn’t answer my calls or texts so I thought I’d come over to-“

“Now’s really not the time, Zahra, you should go,” he’d never asked her to leave, ever. And his heart broke as he saw her pretty face fall, the dull jabs in his heart making a return.

“Oh, um,” she tried to find the correct thing to say to him, unsure of what she’d done wrong, “Is - are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“He said he doesn’t want to see you right now, Ameen,” Zach spits, moving to stand between the two of them, blocking Shawn protectively.

Zahra’s heart fell to her stomach as she tried to remember what she could’ve done so bad that the whiteboy had to step in.

“Okay, um, I’ll just leave this here then,” she put down the takeaway glass of peppermint hot chocolate that none of the boys had noticed till now, “Please drink it before it runs cold… and um, please call me?”

“You really have guts, huh,” Zach speaks up again, ignoring Shawn trying to hold him back. He sizes up Zahra, stepping closer to intimidate her, “You want to fool around with god knows who and still come around for him? I don’t know what made you think that this was ever okay-” but before he can complete himself Shawn puts a hand to his chest, pushing him away from her.

“Remember what we said about scaring girls, Zachary,” Shawn keeps his voice low, “Let me handle this, please.”

Zach scoffs before heading to his room and slamming the door shut, and Shawn runs his hand down his face, preparing himself for the worse of this heartbreak.

“Can you just tell me what’s going on? I have no idea-“

“When were you going to tell me?” It was Shawn’s turn to be mad.

“About what?” Her confusion only grew by the second, both boys talking in riddles.

“About you fucking someone else, Zahra, about you having a boyfriend.”

“I’m not fu- I have only been with you, Shawn.”

“See? That’s what you want me to believe? Zahra, I loved you, I gave you everything I had, and it wasn’t enough for you I get it, there’s better guys out there, and,” he sighs in annoyance, blinking his tears away for the fifth time in a day, mad at himself for being so emotional, for loving her so much his voice coming out in whimpers, “the least you could’ve done was tell me, baby, I would’ve let you go the second you said you wanted out, what did I do to deserve this?”

Zahra’s eyes pricked with tears as she saw him struggle to get the words out, tears streaming down his face. She moved closer to him to wipe them away but he just moved further away from her again, not willing for her to help.

“Baba, I don’t know what you’re talking about I - I haven’t, I don’t want anyone but you - I really don’t know what you’re talking about, how am I supposed to give you an answer?” She croaked out, throat going dry at the thought of him hurting because of her.

“So you still want to act like you don’t know? Fine, I’ll tell you.” She winced as his voice grew louder, she’d never seen him like this before. “That day at the library? When you told Amisha you were there with your boyfriend? And when I came over to your house when you were sick and god, Zahra I made you soup from scratch and you had the audacity to say you had some boy come over to take care of you and you wanted to wife them up? Like what the fuck was that about? But I let it slide because I loved you Zahra, you’re my best friend the least you could’ve done was lessen the blow - oh and today? When you told your group including Zach about this boy of yours? Do you need more reminders? You’re one to talk about people who cheat but look at you now, huh? Or do you not count this as cheating because, in your words we’re not even dating, are we?”

It falls into place in her head before she can form words to get it out. He had it all so, so wrong. It hurt her that he bottled up his feelings so much that he thought she realistically liked someone who wasn’t him.

“Shawn,” she started calmly, “that day at the library, whose project was I working on?”

“How does it matter?” He scoffs, turning away from her again.

“It does, please, whose project was I working on?”

“Mine? But who el-”

“And today with Zach, I told them about the peppermint hot chocolate from the place at 21st… who took me there for the first time?”

“That fucking boyfriend of yours? How am I supposed to know?”

“You did,” she whispered, “and in that cup behind you is peppermint hot chocolate, because you’re the only person I know who loves it so much.” She wipes her tears away, moving to hand him the cup. “I told you it would run cold.”

He had visibly calmed down, trying to take in what she was trying to tell him. “What about the day I came over when you were sick?”

“You’re the only one who would bring the soup and take care of me. You’ve always been the only one.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t think I’d need to, to be honest. After coming back to college this time, it felt like everything had finally fallen into place, you know? Like we had fallen into place. I know it’s not something I’d discussed this with you, but I only love you, you know? How could I ever want someone else?”

He looked down in shame, thinking of the mess he’d created. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

“About what?”

“Being your boyfriend?”

She wiped her nose, laughing out fully before looking him in the eyes and lowering herself on one knee. “If that’s where we’re still at,” she grins at him, “Shawn Mendes, will you be my only boyfriend?”

taglist: @shawnwyr @mendesstories @lanallaa @sleepybesson @rulerofnocountry

dm to be added or removed ♥️

#my writing #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes x oc #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fan fic #shawn mendes fan fiction #shawn mendes fluff #Shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes college au #shawn mendes writing

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zankivich · 5 years

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Teacher’s Pet: A College AU - The Epilogue Part 2

a/n: yo shit’s wild. This story got me into writing again, got me back into fandom and back into creating stories that make me happy. The fact that y’all read it is just absolutely insane to me. I’m gonna miss these two I think. They were very beautiful to write for. I hope you like it.

P.S It’s very important to me that the dress y/n wears looks like Ariana’s dress that she would have worn to the Grammys were she not such an icon and decided to skip. k bye.

CHAPTER 16 PART 2

*2 years later*

You will never understand how you didn’t see it coming. Even looking back there weren’t exactly signs to anything being out of the ordinary. You were working on your first book: a collection of essays on feminist theoretical approaches to pop culture, a way of bridging the gap between your world and Shawn’s, and it was maybe a little stressful. Or maybe it was the hardest thing you’d ever done in your life. After the darkest period in your relationship, there had been a lot of work done on both of your ends to be better together. Shawn scheduled at least a week every month where he was home to be with you.And you scheduled your breaks from work to fly out to meet him in whatever part of the world he occupied at the times. Things were good. Better than good they were amazing. You had finally learned how to communicate with each other, and since then no one could tell you shit.

“How’s my new-york-times-best-seller to be doing?” Shawn smirked joining you in your office turned mini writer’s studio.

You snorted. “Not so well, babe. I think you have to actually write to be considered a writer.”

“You write me really sweet notes on the fridge in the mornings, does that count?”

“I think you’re trying to make me feel better, and yet I feel even less adequate.”

He laughed and stepped over behind you, his large palms coming to rest on the back of your neck, fingers squeezing at the tensed muscles.

“Do you wanna spend the day together maybe? Get away from everything?”

You tilted your head back to stare up at your sort-of perfect boyfriend and he immediately hunched over to press his lips to yours. You melted.

“That sounds nice. What did you have in mind?”

“Oh I don’t know. We’ll figure it out though. Wanna shower with me before we go?”

You grinned. “What you can’t wash yourself on your own?”

“It’s California, babe. We’re in a drought!”

There’s no drought. Though there probably was one by the time you got out of the shower. Shawn had been intense lately. He couldn’t seem to leave you alone even if he wanted to, and he definitely didn’t want to. It meant you were getting it frequently and to every level of satisfaction that you could ever ask for. It was wonderful. He spent so long on his knees in the shower that when he finally stood up to actually lather your body with soap his knees were as red as your pussy. Iconic.

“You look beautiful.” He murmured when you stepped out of the closet in your summer dress and directly into his arms. “I love you.”

You snorted. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

“What do you mean?”

You wormed your arms around his neck while he ran soothing circles into the fabric covering your hips. He was perfect.

“You’ve just been….really affectionate lately. More so even than usual. I love it so much, don’t get me wrong. I just was curious.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know I just...love you a lot. And I really value the time we get to spend together so when I’m with you I want to show you that. I always wanna show you that.”

When you smile and he smiles back at you his fingers trail over your lips and it fucking tickles and you just can’t help but giggle and laugh and smile because he gives you that. He makes you feel that.

“I fucking love you.” You murmured snuggling closer to him. “So much.”

“Yea?” He grinned.

“Yea.”

He made you a playlist. As he drove to the first destination of the day, his fingers warm where they intertwined with yours in your lap, songs that had some level of meaning in your time together began to play. It wasn’t super sappy love songs all the time either, which is probably why you didn’t notice what the hell was going on here. For instance “Work” by Rihanna came on reminding you of the time you’d grinded up on him in the middle of some shitty college bar. But then there was “Northern Downpour” by Panic at the Disco which reminded you of the the day you spent in the record store sharing pieces of yourselves with one another through music. And you’d come home one night when he had first started touring to that record playing on the vinyl player and his presence filling the room for the first time it what had felt like such a long time.

He peered over at you with kind, soft eyes and smiled dopely like maybe he was in love with your every atom. What a ridiculous thing for him to offer you and yet there he was.

“I just wanted to remember what being with you felt like.” He murmured like he could hear the confusion in your head. “I wanted us to celebrate that. If that’s okay with you?”

Absolutely ridiculous.

You brought his fingers to your mouth pressing a kiss to back of his hand.

“I’d like that.”

You wind up at this little hole in the wall clothing store you’d found on one of your many excursions together. It’s the place where you’d gotten matching denim jackets, where you first convinced him to start experimenting with prints. He lets you dress him once again, his style having beautifully evolved over the years thanks to you. There’s an emerald green button up with short sleeves and this beautiful pink stitching along the collar. When he puts it on you kind of want to peel it off. That’s how you know it’s a winner. And yea maybe he tucks you into the dressing room and spends too long doing something simply sinful with his lips on yours, and maybe his hands wander beneath the skirt of your dress. But who’s keeping track?

“Can I dress you?” He murmured squeezing delicately at your shoulders.

You snorted softly. “I don’t know, bud. Can you? I’m not gonna be walking around butt ass naked am I?”

“Unfortunately, as much as I would truly enjoy that, no. C’mon babe, trust me.”

He pulled you back into the racks moving hanger to hanger so quickly you doubted he really knew what he was looking at. Every now and again he would stop and do a very cheesy thing with his thumb and pointer finger like he was a painter or a photographer lining up a great shot. It made you laugh the first time so he kept doing. It kept making you laugh. Or maybe it was just him.

He finds a hunter green men’s suit jacket that is oversized and might actually be incredibly pretty, not that you’re going to tell him that.

“What is this?”

He held it up to your neck with a grin, fingers grabbing at your hip.

“I think this would be badass on you actually. Like if you wore it without a shirt underneath and just sort of….let go.”

His eyes tilted down to to your chest and you couldn’t help but snort at the ridiculousness of your boyfriend.

“Just let go, eh? You try letting go with forty pounds of tit for the fashion of it and tell me how that goes.”

“Yes, baby I sympathize with you, I promise, but like….you’re so cute. Please?”

He had the puppy dog eyes down and saying no to him was truly the hardest thing in the world. He knew that, of course, which is maybe why he smiled so cokcily at you when you took the hanger from his hand. Nothing was more unfortunate than him being right. You looked good as hell and maybe spent another fifteen minutes in the dressing room attacking each other like teenagers. Love.

You sat in the dressing room, Shawn leaving bite marks along your collarbone and neck while you snapped pictures in the mirror. It was kind of hot.

It’s not until you were in the car, Shawn driving the opposite of the way you came, that you realized the day wasn’t over yet.

“Where are we going now?”

He grinned at you and shrugged his shoulder because he was kind of an asshole, but turned the music up as a means to distract you. A Daniel Caesar song begins to play and your cheeks heat up at the reminder of the time you made love in some green room in Mexico City when you went to visit him on tour. You could still feel the table he’d propped you up on digging into the back of your thighs as you got lost in each other. He was twenty minutes late to soundcheck that day because neither of you had heard anyone knocking over daniel cesar and hushed declarations of love. You smiled at each other and Shawn took a hand off the wheel to grip your thigh instead.

He takes you all over. There’s a bakery where he got you your birthday cake after trying to bake one himself and nearly setting the kitchen on fire. There’s a park where you went for walks during album writing time because it got him out of his head, and he loved being active. (you loved watching him be active, not so much partaking in it yourself). You don’t realize how long you’ve been together until he takes you to all of these collective moments. Shawn was the longest relationship you ever had. He’s gone through a lot of transformative moments in your life with you, and you with him. It was a little crazy to think about how much you had grown together, how much you had changed together, and somehow without completely hating each other at the end of it.

When it’s dinner time and you suddenly find yourself back at the beach that you’d gone to after making love for the first time, your heart feels heavy in your chest. He takes you to the same seafood place where he told you Nothing Was The Same wasn’t Drake’s best album, and somehow had still gotten to touch you at the end of the night. He threads his fingers with yours and makes you laugh the entire meal, and it’s everything. He’s everything.

“Do you wanna sit on the beach for a little while, maybe?” He murmured after the bill had been paid.

You nod softly and slip your shoes off your feet to let him lead you down by the sand. The sand is soft beneath your toes and the sun looks like it’s setting the world on fire. There’s a breeze that keeps blowing your hair back over your shoulders obnoxiously, but somehow it’s blowing through Shawn’s curls like a fan at a photoshoot. It’s ridiculous. He’s ridiculous.

“Babe?” He murmured pulling you slowly to a stop on the beach.

“Yea? Is something wrong?”

He bit his lip shaking his head softly and you really wanted to push him into the ground and kiss the hell out of him, but there was a sense there that he had something important to say.

“Nothing’s wrong I...I just love you so much.”

Your concern merged into a smile and you reached to wrap your arms around his waist. You remember the way your toes dug into the sand when you tried to lean up and kiss him. You remember the way he met you half way and touched the apple of your cheek like you were something precious, like maybe you were everything to him too.

“I got something I wanna ask you.”

You hummed softly. “Mkay. So ask me.”

“I...I’ve been thinking about it for months now. And I thought that by now I’d have something better to say. I tried to write it down. I tried making melodies and making the thoughts in my head make sense but it didn’t work.”

His fingers left your cheek to tug through his curls nervously. Somehow you were both upset that he wasn’t touching your cheek and happy that you got to see him so flustered and completely and utterly adorable.

“Well why don’t you try to say it in the simplest way you know how? And I’ll figure out what you’re trying to say.”

He smiled at you and nodded softly before swallowing what appeared to be a lump in his throat.

“Do you remember that time I went home for a week? And you couldn’t come because you were doing field research with a group of grad students?”

You nodded. “Of course. You’d been stressed out for like a month. You came back so much happier.”

“Yea, well I--I went out to dinner with my parents while I was there. And we were just waiting for the check to come I think, and my dad had his arm around my mum and he whispered something in her ear and she just smiled and giggled like a teenager. And I asked them, you know, how did they do that? How did they manage to love each other like that still. Even now. My dad just shrugged at me and he said that, one day he looked at my mum while she was brushing her hair or reading a book or something, and he knew then. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine just knowing that someone is all you’re ever gonna want from something so mundane?”

While he was speaking his eyes got all wide and his cheeks were pink form being in the sun and you felt so fucking warm looking at him.

“Y--Yea I think I can imagine.”

He smiled, his eyes brightening. “Me too. I came home to you and you were sitting on the couch watching horror movies at three o’clock in the afternoon. You were eating oreos, which for you meant eating the filling first and then the cookie. And I just… I looked at you and I knew.”

“You knew?”

“I knew.”

And it still doesn’t click because you must be completely incompetent but then he’s taking your hands in his and he’s squeezing and it doesn’t matter because he’s gonna make sure it clicks for you.

“Y/n, I’m so in love with you. I feel--I feel comfortable with you. And you’re always there for me and you always make it better. You’ve never taken any of my shit, not since the day I met you. And there’s no one else. I’m never gonna want anyone else.”

Maybe it clicks. Maybe your body gets it in a way that your mind doesn’t because you stumbled a little closer to him and gripped firmer at his hands. And then he’s on his knee and your whole fucking world explodes.

“I want...I would be so honored if you would marry me.” He licked anxiously at his lips, fingers trembling. “You’re my best friend in the whole entire world, and I want to spend the rest of my life treating you the absolute best that I can, and loving you the absolute best that I can. Baby, will you marry me?”

There’s a ring. Where the fuck did he get a ring from? And it’s beautiful. You’d never been a girl who fantasized about weddings or the shape of the diamond you might one day want. But there it is. A rose gold band, because traditional is boring, and a quite frankly big ass diamond that you’d never ask for, but one that you most certainly would love. The sides of the band has tiny diamonds in them too. Who the hell helped him pick this out.

The first thing out of your mouth is the story he’s gonna tell his family and that’s so incredibly unfortunate

“Holy shit, Shawn.”

He laughs and reaches with his too big fingers to pluck the ring out of the box. He shuffled closer in the sand his head nuzzling warmly against your stomach.

“I love you. Marry me.”

And what does one say to a question like that?

“Y--Yea. Yea, okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay!”

His fingers were trembling so bad that you swore the poor man was going to pass out before it made it to your knuckle. But when it’s on your finger, and your heart feels like it could leap from your chest in any moment, there was truly nothing left to do but tackle your man to ground and cry like the absolute sap you were.

“I love you.” You sniffled grabbing roughly at his face in your hands and sending sand everywhere in the process. “I love you so much.”

“I love you. I can’t wait to marry you.”

You giggled. “I’m gonna marry the shit out of you.”

“Not if I marry the shit out of you first.”

“Jesus come here.”

It’s not until later that night after barely making it through the door, with all the shit you’d bought that day still in the car, after he accidently tore the back of your dress which had only made you want him more, had only made you tackle him to the ground faster, it’s not until after all of these things that you get a chance to bask in it. He wouldn’t dare let himself be more than a centimeter distance away from you and was still biting possessively at your skin as he lie between your thighs. His chest hair was tickling you, but you only wrapped your arms around his back to pull him closer, noticing for the first time since the drive home, the huge rock on your finger.

“Holy fuck, Shawn.” You whispered holding your hand up to the light.

He peered over his shoulder to stare at your hand and only smiled harder.

“It’s perfect.” He murmured nuzzling deeper into your neck. “You’re perfect.”

“You planned this whole day didn’t you? To ask me?”

“Mhm. I spent like four hours alone making the most epic love story playlist. But I didn’t want to do some fancy dinner and like put it in the champagne glass or something so I thought...I thought we could just go through our time together with hopefully the thought that we might also get to think about our future.”

“Our future huh?” You snorted. “That’s kinda sweet. I could be into that.”

“Really? Right now?”

“Yea. Lay it on me.”

Shawn was always the more contemplative of the two. You could tell sometimes just by looking at him that he was thinking exceptionally hard. That’s why he tended to get overwhelmed. He always wanted things to be the best that they could be, want to give everything as much of him as possible. It was as admirable as it was stress-inducing.

“I wanna buy a house in Canada.” He whispered.

Your Canadian sex demon immediately turned soft and fluffy like a puppy. His nosed skimmed softly along your neck as he painted you a picture.

“There’s some land out in Vancouver. My parents could live on the property with us. There’d be no more paparazzi. No more tabloids in our business all the time...We would like, start our life together, babe. I would come home from tour and it would be a genuine separation. You wouldn’t have to put up with my life anymore. It would be just us.”

He pressed a kiss to your throat, and seems to press his hips just slightly more against yours, as if to remind you of just what “us” could be like.

“What would my American ass do in Vancouver?” You snorted trying not to let on just how wonderful an image he was conjuring.

“You’ve always wanted to eventually teach, right? Maybe, maybe this could be your time. I mean this isn’t a tomorrow thing. This is just us talking about what we might want one day. I would want you to do whatever you want.”

He let you bask in the silence for a while just thinking about what that might even look like. You hummed, something that either meant nothing good or something quite wonderful actually. It’d always been up to Shawn to discern the difference. But, you could tell by the way he held you closer than he’d gotten damn good at it.

“I really liked being a TA.” You sighed. “Before some curly haired asshole almost got me fired.”

He snorted. “Funny. Very funny.”

You turned your head so that you could look him in the eye. Shawn grabbed at one of your curls twirling the strands lazily around his finger. He looked at you like he loved you. And you thought that maybe that was all that mattered. The love you had for one another. The rest would surely follow.

“I think...I think I’d follow you anywhere.” You breathed fingers tracing at his jaw. “Where I am never really made a difference to me. I just ended up in California because they gave me the most scholarship money. So if you need to be in Canada then I guess I’ll buy some snow boots.”

His eyes widened as if that wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. Canada had always been part of the conversation, now it was just time to get serious. Because like adulting or whatever.

“I love you.” He whispered, his body coming to straddle yours again. “I love you so much.”

His fingers gripped the meat of your thigh pulling it to settle around his hip as you got lost in the taste of each other again. His hips eventually started to move with intention, and his kisses became more biting, more sloppy, more needy. How could one focus on anything with this man around?

“Thought you wanted to call your family tonight.” You mumbled as he reached over to the bedside table.

“We’ll call ‘em first thing, tonight I wanna focus on you.”

“Oooo what are you about to focus on, sir?”

He reached for the blankets behind him sliding down your body till his head fell right at home between your thighs, the blanket coming to hide the beauty that would surely take place.

“You’ll see.”

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He liked to think that they had always been really good at being a couple. They learned from each other, when they fought they both grew for the better, and they treated each other as well as anyone could ask for. So dating-wise, they were kind of perfect. But enagement life was a whole other game of its own. It just so happened they were pretty kick ass at that too.

He was sitting at a dinner with all of his friends who, for the most part, were either single or in various relationships that just didn’t seem to go well. He was trying to be supportive, without being that guy who had some so-called perfect relationship, even if it sometimes felt like that. So he sat in his chair texting his beautiful fiance instead.

Shawn: What are you doing right now?

y/n: I’m going over my editor’s notes for chapter eight for the book

Shawn: God I love it when you get all smart on me. So sexy

y/n: You’re ugly. Stop sweet talking me. Aren’t you supposed to be having a boy’s night? Which is dumb btw.

Shawn: you’re so right dear. It is dumb. All my friends are in horrible failing relationships due to their own insecurities and inability to be vulnerable, and I just don’t know why I’m not at home cuddling right now.

y/n: I love when you analyze toxic masculinity within your friend group. Kinda hot. Also come home, I’m horny.

Shawn: I literally made you cum three times this afternoon

y/n: I like even numbers. Also bring me food. I’m hungry.

Shawn: are these going to be my husbandly duties for the rest of our lives?

y/n: Orgasms and dinner? damn straight

Shawn: Thank god. Give me an hour.

y/n: 45 minutes.

Shawn: yea, okay.

The waiter makes a round to refill drinks and he asked for a menu to order her food to go. His friends, for the first time that night, stopped complaining about the women in their lives long enough to complain about him leaving.

“Damn Shawn, you ordering another meal?” Brian snickered.

He shook his head still combing through the menu. “Y/n’s hungry. Told her I’d bring her something back.”

“I thought we were going to the bars after this though?”

He peered up at the faces of all of his friends who were staring at him with bambi eyes like he might abandon them at any second. Which he kind of was.

“Oh...I’m sorry guys. But, uh, I should get home ya know? y/n’s been working on her book for like ten hours a day, and she’s super-stressed. So, I’ve just been trying to help get her to relax in anyway that I can.”

“Oh bro come on! We barely see you as it is. Get her a blunt and a bath bomb and call it a day. Tonight’s for the boys.” Stirling insisted.

If only his future wife was here to rip him a new asshole.

“Here’s the thing, I like my fiance. I actually really, truly adore spending time with her. I don’t need a night to get away from my partner. Going home in the best part of my day.” He shrugged.

There were a chorus of boos, and someone actually threw a napkin at him. He understood a little more everyday why everyone seemed to hate men.

Niall, the only single and apparently competent one at the table, actually stood up for him.

“Don’t blame Shawnie boy just because you’re all miserable and pathetic with your six week failed relationships!”

“Hey! Jannet and I have been dating for eight failed weeks!” Geoff chimed in.

The guys all snickered before bursting into laughter. His friends, as stupid as they sometimes were, were actually mostly good beings. He just had to remember that sometimes.

“Fine, fine. Go be in love or whatever. We don’t need your ass to get drunk anyway.” Stirling smirked. “We’ll have a much better time.”

The waiter came back in the midst of their conversation and he quickly ordered his fiance’s meal before turning back to his group of idiots.

“I just want to point out that you’re all gonna be in some smelly club drinking over priced shitty beer screaming at each other all night, while I will be probably having better sex than any of you have ever dreamed of because I actually respect and love my person. But by all means, have a hoot boys.”

The table again roared with laughter and they all pointed at Stirling in mockery. It was time for him to go home.

Geoff leaned in close and nudged him with his elbow.

“It really that good?” He asked.

Shawn simply patted Geoff on the shoulder and nodded. Because of course it was.

When he comes home she’s sitting on the couch with a physical barrier of paper around her. She’s got a red ink pen between her teeth and she’s clearly trying to massage her own scalp the way he does for her at night. If the set of her jaw is anything to go off of, it’s not working.

“I got you pulled pork and two different types of potatoes!” He smiled heading directly for the love of his life.

She moaned and threw her papers down.

“That’s the dirtiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Sweatpants and two glasses of wine later, he’s got his fingers in her hair scratching gently away and her manuscript in his other hand while she shoves her sandwich into her mouth like he might take it away from her. She’s so goddamn cute it’s ridiculous.

“I don’t see what you’re so concerned with babe, this is fucking awesome.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’ve been saying that since the beginning, Shawn.”

“And yet I mean it even more now. Your voice is so strong, it’s like I’m talking to you. And it’s so easy to read. It’s not like a textbook at all. You’re so fucking smart and wonderful and funny.”

It brought a smile to her face and it was genuinely his favorite thing in the whole world. Let all the guy’s nights in the world be damned if it meant he got to see that woman smile for the rest of his life.

“I love you.” She murmured feverently. “So much.”

“I love you too, honey.”

When she finished eating, she wasted zero time climbing into his lap and snuggling close. She asked him about his day, and about his friends, all the while playing with his fingers and listening intently. He never felt more listened to than when he was with her. She had a way of making him feeling like the center of the universe. And not even in a douchey, self-centered way. She made him feel like he mattered. It was something that even the industry could never given him a hundred percent of the time, or the fans, no matter how hard they tried. But without fail, every time he spoke, he could just feel in his bones that she was listening, and that she cared. And it made his heart warm, whether she knew it did or not.

“I was talking to mum about us going and visiting before tour starts up again? She doesn’t seem to be satisfied with us not picking the date until after.” He chuckled.

“Oh Karen. We’ve been doing just fine for the past seven years, what’s one more?” She shrugged. “I’ll talk to her about it.”

She was much better at explaining things than him, even when it came to his own parents, that was for sure.

“Yea. You know I was thinking . . . we haven’t actually talked about your parents coming to the wedding at all. I mean you never even brought it up, or called them.”

Her fingers, which were small and soothing around his, froze all of a sudden. Somehow, someway, he’d struck a nerve that he could never have known would be the most sensitive of all.

“Babe? Y/n, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m gonna grab a drink. Do you want anything?”

And just like that she was up and out of his lap in a blink. Usually her comfortability was his number one thing. He hated seeing her upset. But something in him was telling him that this wasn’t one of those issues that you just dropped and let go. This was important, and he needed to know what was going on. So, he pushed.

“Hey,” He said soothingly, following her into the kitchen. “y/n, we’ve actually never talked about your parents indepthly at all. You only bring them up when you’re drunk.”

She snorted reaching into the fridge for a bottle of wine.

“Yea, there’s a reason for that.”

“Okay...Well do you want to tell me what that reason is?”

“Not particularly.”

“I’m your fiance. You can tell me, whatever it is.” He coaxed.

“It’s not about you Shawn, now please drop it.”

“I--I don’t want to drop it. We’re getting married here, y/n. We’re starting a life together. You know everything there is to know about me. I took you to my elementary school in Pickering for christ’s sake! I feel like I’m missing a huge part of you here.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re making this a much bigger deal than it is. You have all the pieces of me that matter Shawn. Let that be enough.”

“It’s not enough. I don’t want the pieces you select for me to see. I want all of it. All of you. If we’re not giving ourselves freely to one another, what’s the point?”

“I knew dating a songwriter was gonna come back to bite me in the ass.” She sighed.

He edged his way around the island in the center of the kitchen and came to wrap his arms around her shoulders. She seemed to burrow her head into his chest and that was just fine with him. He let his fingers ease into her curls scratching gently in the hopes that it would get her talking. Just from the way her breathing was hitting his ear, he could tell she was anxious. And so he knew that whatever she chose to share with him would be a great gift, and a hard one at that.

She popped her head up from out of his chest and pointed those dimples at him like it didn’t make him go weak in the knees.

“Can I at least have my wine first?”

“Of course, beautiful.”

She ended up back in his lap, glass of wine in hand as she leaned her head on his chest, their legs intertwined along the length of the couch. There was no eye contact, but given how difficult the situation seemed to be for her, he was okay with that.

“My family isn’t like yours.” She murmured softly. “My parents didn’t fall in love at first sight or go on honeymoons or any of that. My mom had me when she was seventeen years old. And she married my dad because that’s what you did in Indiana when you got knocked up at seventeen. She came from a mother who had a mother who had a mother with very toxic and harmful views on femininity. She had an eating disorder for most of her life, and I think my father made that worse for her. She really traded the abuse of her mother for the abuse of my dad.”

His eye twitched at that and he rubbed soothingly into the base of her spine.

“Your dad was abusive? I mean you told me he yelled but…”

She nodded. “He used to beat her a lot when I was a kid. But my mom she--she was a lot like the women I help now. She didn’t have the resources to leave, and shelters looks so different today then they used to. When I first went to undergrad, I was a sociology major. I thought I wanted to do social work but it...it hurt too much. It was too similar to being at home and I just couldn’t do it. So I thought maybe if I could understand gender and systems of power and oppression that maybe I could work to undo those systems, and help people in someway that was good but that didn’t destroy me so much.”

He didn’t know if he was allowed to ask, if it was even right for him to ask. But his heart felt like it was in his throat and he wanted to pull her so close in that moment and hold her there forever, where no one could ever hurt her. But he also just wanted her to have the choice, wanted to move as far away as possible if it would make her feel safe.

“Did he...Did he ever hurt you?” He whispered.

Her hand that wasn’t holding the wine glass tightened considerably in the fabric of his shirt. When she shrugged he was so sure that his heart was breaking that he actually touched his chest just to check if the damage was touchable.

“N--Not a lot. My mom would only ever fight him when it came to me. And he was so mentally ill that I think maybe he loved my mom enough to leave me alone if it meant she wouldn’t leave. Or at least in his mind it was love”

There are tears in her eyes now and he immediately wants to take it all back, feels like her pain is his fault.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He sighed pulling her deeper into his arms. “I’m right here. I’m so sorry y/n.”

When she speaks the rest of her story is with her head pressed right into the crook of his neck, and he feels every word.

“When I moved to California I asked my mom to come with me. I asked her to leave with me, but she wouldn’t. And my dad found out and he told her to cut me off. And she...she listened. I haven’t spoken to either of them since I left Indiana. And I’ve never been back.” She sniffled tears streaming fully down her face and pooling beneath her chin. “So there’s no point in calling or inviting them to anything because they won’t show up. She wouldn’t show up.”

He kind of felt like he failed her. They’d been together going on eight years and the entire time she’d been plagued with this part of her past that he never had any clue about. What kind of a boyfriend was he if he didn’t know her past in that way?

He did the only thing he could think of. He wiped at her tears with his palms and kissed every part of her that he could reach. He held her for a long time, neither of them speaking, neither of them doing anything but breathing. She had opened up such an important part of herself for him that it felt important to just respect whatever she needed from him in that moment. When her fingers came up to his chin and coaxed him into a kiss, he gave her that too.

“I was in a whole lot of fucked up relationships before you. And I never really allowed myself to be open with anyone. I just didn’t wanna be my mom, ya know? But no one’s ever loved me the way that you do. And no one’s ever taken care of me the way that you do. I think I always knew I was gonna be with you as long as you’d have me so….I don’t know, just thanks for loving me too, I guess.”

He took her cheek in his hand and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

“I’m sorry for making you relive all that. I--I just wanted to be there for you. I want us to take care of each other. I want you to know that if you need to talk through stuff like that, you can do it with me. I’m always here to listen.” He assured her.

She wound up curling into a ball in his arms and resting her head upon his chest. He played with her curls until she fell asleep. It was an important night for the two of them. And he would much rather have held her in his arms than go to some shitty bar. That’s what made him know he was ready for all of it. Because there wasn’t even a doubt in his mind. She mattered so much more than everything else. That was how much he loved her. Enough to try and give her the world. And he would.

***

*a year later*

y/n’s pov.

Planning a wedding is the dumbest thing in the world. You were thoroughly convinced. Part of you wanted to just elope. Run off to the sand with some lesbian priest or something and just share their love in the water. Shawn, as well as his management team, had very early on shut that plan down. Who knew a wedding could become a marketing ploy? For two months you’d gone back and forth with different magazines who essentially wanted to pimp your wedding out to the masses. It was actually the most ridiculous thing you’d ever heard in your life. All of this, of course, is happening while your boyfriend is living the rock star life some thousands of miles away from you.

Eventually one night, over facetime with your husband to be, you put your foot down.

“I’m not doing this anymore.” You huffed shaking the shiny packets of paper that would sell your soul away. “This is stupid. I hate it. I barely believe in the constitution of marriage. I hate capitalism, and I am NOT selling my wedding to these business money hungry executives.”

“Nice to see you too, Darling.” Shawn joked plopping down on some hotel bed, still sweaty and red faced.

“I’m not laughing, jackass.”

He sighed. “Babe, it’s not like we’re doing a reality television show here. We’re talking about a photoshoot.One photoshoot.. And I’m not gonna lie, I kinda like the idea of my fans getting to be a part of it somehow. I think it’d mean a lot to them.”

“Have you actually looked at any of these things? It’s not just a photoshoot, Shawn. It’s them taking intimate photos of the whole wedding. There’s a clause in here about someone getting to be in the room when I put my dress on. When you put your suit on. Don’t you think that’s a little much?”

“Look I...I understand this is all a lot for you. And I’m sorry I’m not there to help right now. So, you just make a list of what you’re okay with and what you’re not and I’ll tell Andrew. I’m not gonna make this any harder on you.”

You thawed slightly at that. He always had a way of calming you down. You couldn’t tell if you liked that or hatred it.

“Fine.” You mumbled batting your eyelashes at him.

He grinned. “Don’t give me that look. I miss you by the way. A lot.”

“Yea? I was thinking I could meet you in Paris. There’s cake tasting there I’d like to try.”

His eyes absolutely lit up.

“Yea? I can’t wait. You should stay for a while. You haven’t seen the live show in a long time.”

“I saw you on the north american leg and you know it. Plus I follows all the little instagram accounts that post videos of the show. I’m there more than you know.”

“That’s sweet. I didn’t realize how obsessed with me you are, sweetheart.”

He laughed. You flipped him off. The end.

So you came to an agreement. You’d do a “photoshoot” which was really just going to be your wedding photos. You weren’t a photoshoot kind of gal. But you figured if the love of your life was there, maybe you could stomach it. Maybe

Karen helped with most of it. Shawn hired some fancy wedding planner person. You really didn’t think you would mind that much, but you found that despite all of your years of unlearning gender expectations and trying to level the playing field as much as possible, you still cared about the damn difference between lavender and mauve. It made you feel better that Shawn cared too. That he would sit with you for hours comparing the layout of one table over the other. In the end none of it really mattered, but it would be pretty and that was kind of nice.

You get some new up and coming designer who had an inclusive line to make your wedding dress for you. She’s Black and Queer and the fittings don’t feel so suffocating and completely morally unethical. You’d explained to Shawn from the beginning that you weren’t going to wear a white wedding gown so you’d gone for a beautiful periwinkle blue instead. The bodice was tight and fitted but bellowed out into tons and tons of pleated pillows of fabric. It was more beautiful than you knew what to do with.

So in the end you marry the boy that you love in this huge, probably artificially made, grass field with water off in the distance. Because you had always gone to water together as means to escape for some reason, because it had become your hiding place both before the fame and especially after. And when you’ve finally stepped into your dress, and your heart feels like it’s stuck in your throat, and your hands won’t stop twitching to save your life, that bastard appears and makes everything better.

There’s a knock on the door and Karen runs to get it, because Karen had been there for mostly every step of the way, so why wouldn’t she be there when you were getting ready.

“Oh for pete’s sake Shawn Peter Raul!” She groaned. “I know you kids don’t want to do things the traditional way but couldn’t you wait until the ceremony?”

You giggled knowing your mother-in-law to be was strong tied to her traditions, even if she had allowed you both to create some traditions of your own

“It’s okay Karen. He’s already seen the dress anyway.”

She sighed. “Come in.”

He steps in in his classic black tux with his hair perfectly nestled into place, and he genuinely takes your breath away. You knew then, right then that it would never matter how many times you saw him. That maybe, just maybe you’d been ruined for anyone else that very first day he walked in late.

“Baby…” He mumbled immediately reaching for your hands in his. “You look so beautiful. Like a princess. A badass feminist princess.”

You snorted. “That’s so sweet. You’re uh--you’re really beautiful too. I’m sorry, I don’t know how else to describe it. Handsome isn’t enough.”

“I don’t mind being beautiful. I kinda like being beautiful to you.” He smiled. “I have something for you though.”

“Hmm?”

He squeezed reassuringly at your fingers.

“You never would have asked for this, and I guess maybe that’s why I wanted to give it to you. Because I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved. And your happiness feeds me. It was uh, so hard to make this happen actually but...there’s someone here to see you.”

You had not the faintest fucking clue was he was talking about. And perhaps you were just genuinely really bad at picking up hints, because there went someone knocking on the door again.

“Shawn who is that?”

He smiled. “Let’s go see, honey.”

He pulled gently at your hand, a reassuring smile plastered on his face. Your heart picked up speed in your chest and you just got the sense that something big was about to happen. He led you to the door and pressed a kiss to your forehead before reaching for the knob.

When the door is out of the way she’s standing there. And it’s been so long that your eyes sort of don’t even know what to do with what’s in front of you. You can’t process. You can’t understand. You don’t even have words.

“M--Mom?”

Your lip trembled and you knew immediately that your makeup was fucked, but that was your mom.

“You look so beautiful.” She sniffled stepping closer through the door. “Hi, baby.”

“Mommy!”

You collapsed in her arms and surely no one had ever hugged anyone harder than you hugged each other in that moment. Her fingers were digging so hard into your back that you it should’ve been painful but it wasn’t. Nothing could ever be painful when she was holding you.

“Baby,” Shawn said softly. “We’re gonna start the ceremony in thirty minutes okay? I figured you could use some time.”

You lift your head from your mom’s chest and just stare at him. What was there to say? What could you even tell him at this point? That he was everything. That you’d never feel fully worthy of his love. That this was just too fucking much.

“Shawn I…”

“Hey, don’t say anything. Just enjoy your time. I’ll see you at the altar.”

You huffed. This man would surely be the death of you.

“I won’t be the one in white.” You sniffled.

He kissed his fingers and did his tiny wave at you before leaving you with your mom.

There aren’t many words to be shared. You’d thought about it for years. What you might say to her if you were ever given the chance. All the questions that you had come up with vanished when she was holding you. Her fingers bunched in the fabric of your dress and she told you how beautiful you were. And never in your whole entire life had it meant so much to hear those words. It was your fucking wedding day, and even though you could get through it without her, it only took being there with her to know that you really truly didn’t want to.

“He’s very handsome.” She murmured as you lie your head upon her chest. “Where’d you find that one at?”

You giggled. “He was a student in the feminism class I TA’d for.”

“That’s an interesting dynamic there. Doesn't really sound like you.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Well...Are you happy?” She asked moving to take your cheeks in her hands.

You smiled. “‘M so happy, mommy. No one’s ever treated me better in my whole life. He’s everything.”

“Well I know you never asked for it but any boy willing to show up to my door step in the middle of Indiana and beg me to come on an all expenses paid vacation just to see you, must be somewhat deserving of my blessing.”

You imagined your ridiculously beautiful fiance stepping out of some bougie ass rented van in the middle of bumfuck indiana in his tommy hilfiger sweatshirt and his ran ban sunglasses just to show up at your mother’s door. What a sweet and wonderful shit show.

“Yea. He’s uh--he’s the love of my whole entire existence I think.”

“Damn. Guess we should get you to him then huh?”

“Yea.”

No one walks you down the aisle because, what the fuck for? So Shawn and you enter to the altar at the same time. If the look on his face was anything to go off of he might as well have been seeing you for the first time. His lip trembled and he smiled at you through watery eyes bringing those too big hands of his up to his mouth. Nevermind the fact that he was absolutely gorgeous in that fucking suit of his. Nevermind the beauty of his curls or how bright his eyes were. He was yours and no one else's. And you were his. How wild is that?

“Don’t cry.” You whispered shakily as he took your hands in his. “We promised.”

“You’re so pretty though.” He sniffled squeezing firmly on your fingers.

“You’re prettier.”

“Nu uh.”

“Friends? We do actually have to get to the ceremony here.”

Woops.

Vows are a mess. Mostly because you’re both a mess. And you’re trying to tell each other how much you love one another in the most visceral way possible.

“Shawn, I uh… I have spent the majority of my life studying and learning about people and why we are the way that we are. Sometimes i learn things that make me question all of humanity. Sometimes I think goodness is but a mythical concept that perhaps once we had, but one that we have ultimately lost . . . And then you stumbled along into my life. And you loved me in spite of all of my inadequacies, in spite of my temper and my stubbornness, and my mental health, which isn’t always at a hundred percent. You have always just wanted to love me, I think maybe even from the day that we met. And I don’t know that I could ever be worthy of the love and the kindness and the joy that you show me but--but I love you too much and I’m way too stubborn to ever let you go. I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved before. And so, I vow to stick by you through it all, and to be more open to showing you all of the things inside my head even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard. I vow to love you with all that I have to offer. Always.”

His chin and lips trembled as he struggled to keep it together. His hands were warm in yours, and you had a feeling if you weren’t holding each other literally together that his palms might shake too.

“Y/n...I used to think falling in love at first sight was just some sappy, romance crap that people like me wrote songs about without ever having experienced. And ever since I’ve met you I’ve been struggling to figure out if it’s true or not. Because the second I laid eyes on you I felt myself tethered to your very being. Like there was no other option but to stumble along after you until you’d have me, because you were everything instantly. But then every now and again I’ll look at you in the bed that we share together, or I’ll hear your beautiful laughter, or watch you give a lecture at some fancy university where my baby is the smartest person in the whole room and I...I just feel like I’m always falling. As if it is constant and repetitive and infinite. As if loving you is like an eternal falling. And I don’t know which would be better, I just know that every second I spend with you feels like the greatest love I could ever know. You’re the only who can calm me down when I’m in my head, who can call me on my bullshit and I’ll just nod because I know it’s true, who can hold me when I’m scared, or sad, or angry. There is no one else on this earth that i’d want to spend forever with. Because I have you. And even that feels like far too great a treasure. I vow to never put anything over our marriage and our love. I vow to always stand beside you, to love you, and to be a human worthy of your love. I vow to be open and honest about what I’m feeling and what I need. I promise to always be your best friend, your lover, your husband. Always.”

Maybe someone says he can kiss the bride. Hopefully someone did because before you even have the thought to sob at those beautiful words he’s kissing you like it’s the first time, like it’s the last time, like it’s forever. And you can’t help but think that’s it all of those things. Because maybe your love is infinite. And maybe that’s what he’d been trying to show you all this time. And that maybe now, maybe finally, you could take him up on that offer.

And so you do.

The End.

taglist:

@shawnieeeeboy @grittyisathot

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #Shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn mendes fan fic #Shawn mendes fanfiction #Shawn mendes fluff #Shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes angst #Shawn mendes au #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x you #Shawn mendes x female reader #Shawn mendes college au

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starkindustryplant · 7 years

Text

Exchanging Glances

College! Au

A/N: So I haven’t proof read this yet so sorry if it is a little brutal. I promise I will proof read it later I just am too lazy to do it now. Anyway I am thinking about making this a series, so let me know what you think.

Warning(s): None

Word Count: 931

When you went to college, you didn’t think your Saturday morning would ever be spent in the library studying. But here you were, trying to relearn everything from your courses before midterms. The library was practically empty because last night there was a huge fraternity party, and everyone was either asleep or wishing they were.

You stood up from your pile of notes to grab another cup of coffee. That’s when you noticed the someone was sitting at the same table as you. You’d seen this person around campus before, but you never really talked to him. He has brown hair that formed c shaped curls. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt with your university’s name on it. You realized you were looking staring at him, and walked to get more coffee.

When you returned, the brown haired boy was still in his seat. As you sat down, you moved your computer to cover his face from your view. There was no way you would get any work done if this man was anywhere in your sight. You began typing your notes, when you heard the shuffling of paper. You couldn’t help but wonder what the boy across the table was doing, so you slightly moved your computer so you could glance at what at what he was doing. Looking at him would defiantly be way more entertaining than studying.

At first you had no idea what he was doing. He was writing, but you couldn’t tell on what. He wasn’t writing words, and that’s when it hit you. He was writing music. You must have been looking at what he was doing for too long, because he cleared his throat. As quickly as possible, you pretended to be typing something on your computer. But you knew you were not fast enough.

A few minutes went by, and nothing else seemed to happen. That is when you decided to take another glance and the starter across the table. When you peaked around your computer, you caught him looking right at you. His eyes immediately dart back to his papers, and he continues to write.

You take a deep breath and try to get up the nerve to say something. How do you even start a conversation with someone you have never talked to when you are both at the library to do something. You can’t just say “hey you are cute”. After a few minutes on mentally debating on what you should say to him, you hear him say

“Writers block?”

At first you didn’t realize he was talking to you. Then, once you realized he was talking to you, you didn’t realize what he was talking about. That’s when you realized you had just been staring at your computer screen for the past ten minutes.

“Uhhh ya...” you said glancing up from the screen to look at the stranger, “I have this essay due tomorrow and I just have no idea how to start it.”

You let out a nervous laugh and try to look back at your computer when he starts talking again.

“I can help you if you want,” he says starting to stand up “I write music, so I’m not to bad at reading.”

“Sure” you say meekly as he starts to walk over.

You pulls the chair out that is right next to yours and you scoot your laptop closer to him so he can read what you have so far.

He didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds before he asks,

“I think what you have right now is pretty good I don’t know what you are talking about.”

You can feel a small smile creep onto your face. You never let people read what you write because usually you poured your heart out into what you like, and you hate someone not liking something you work so hard on.

“Ya my professor just hates my writing style and I want to get a good grade, but I also don't want to stop writing how I write...” you say, starting to ramble.

Before you could keep rambling, the stranger laughs.

“What’s so funny?” you asked him, kind of offended that he was laughing at something that actually upset you.

“Just the fact that your professor doesn’t like your writing and that you are so concerned about that. Someone is always not going to like what you write, no matter how wonderful other people think you write,” He tells you, scooting the computer back toy you “just keep writing how you are writing, I love your writing style.”

“Thank you so much.” you genuinely tell him.

You look back up at the boy sitting beside you, and you want to keep talking to him, but you didn’t know what to say. Before you can think of anything better to say, you blurt out

“So what are you doing?”

“I have to write an original song for my musical theory class, but I don’t know if this one part is stupid sounding...” he said reaching across the table and grabbing his sheet music.

“I could listen to it,” you say, totaling ignoring the fact that you have a paper to finish “if you want me to... You don’t have to”

“Ya I would love that, we just have to go back to my dorm room to get my guitar” he says standing up collecting his sheet music. “I would love to go with you to your dorm room, but I’m pretty sure the first rule of college is not going to someone’s dorm room who you don't know...”

“Well then let me introduce myself. My name is Shawn”

#shawn mendes #mendes #mendes army #magcon #shawn mendes fancic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes x reader #college! shawn #college! shawn mendes #shawn mendes college au #shawn mendes au

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shawnsprincesse · 2 years

Text

When life throws you lemons Part 9 (Shawn Mendes AU)

WARNING, this part contains:

Sex

Dirty talk

When life throws you lemons, you’re forced to deal with Shawn Mendes. Before moving in with five guys, including Shawn Mendes, Kylie swore she would never ever in her life allow Shawn to get anywhere near her but things quickly change and soon she finds herself drunkenly kissing him in a bathroom. What starts as a drunken kiss turns into a passionate secret relationship.

I woke up after a long and well deserved nap. The cool, fresh air surrounded my bare body as I rolled over to my side reaching for my phone. My eyes slowly adjusted to the screen as I opened Bella’s text and sent a quick reply.

”Do you always sleep half naked?” Shawn asked, his voice startled me as my phone almost slipped out of my hands. My gaze swiftly shifted away from the screen towards the wooden desk where Shawn was leaning against the edge.

”I’m gonna have to install on lock on that door.” I sighed as I pulled my blanket over my body to shield myself. When it gets hot inside and outside, I usually use a blanket instead of a duvet to cover myself with and when it gets extremely hot, I use nothing. Since the room had air-conditioning, I used a blanket to comfort myself.

During my two years of living alone I’ve gotten used to sleeping naked but now I would have to change that, especially if I was gonna get unannounced visits from peeping Tom over there.

”You didn’t answer my question.” Shawn deviously smiled towards me as he stood with his arms casually crossed across his chest. I wasn’t half naked, I was wearing both a bra and panties.

”No, most times I sleep naked.” I said refusing to divert my gaze from him as he stared challengingly at me. ”Is that a problem? Y’all got rules against that or something?” I asked, shooting him a glare.

”Nope…” Shawn paused as he straightened, his arms uncrossing and resting at the sides of his body. ”Although, there might be a problem inside my pants.” Shawn grinned, feeling clever about his own suggestive thoughts.

”Ew. That sounds like a you problem.” I emphasized the words you as I tried to cover my face in a disgusted look.

”Hmm but it could be a you problem…” Shawn said suggestively as he walked towards me on the bed.

”I don’t deal with other peoples problems.” I said as I kept a firm grip around the blanket that was covering me.

”Well, since I was kind enough to help you earlier, you should probably return the favor.” Shawn cooed tauntingly as he stood by my bed, towering over me, forcing me to look up at him.

”Didn’t know your assistance came with terms and conditions.” I said sarcastically as I leaned my head back against my pillow, my mouth feeling dry as I swallowed hard.

”Well, I’m here to cash in.” Shawn said as he sat down on the bed, forcing my legs to the side so that his large body wouldn’t crush me. I stared at him with dead eyes, watching as a little grin crossed his lips. ”I know you want me Kylie.” Shawn cooed and I felt a small smile creep across my lips.

”You’re so fucking annoying.” I groaned as I watched Shawn lean over the bed, his face inching closer to mine. I wasn’t sure if he was annoying because he was somewhat right or because he wouldn’t give up.

”Some girls would find that cute.” He smiled cheekily. I watched as the long, soft curls began to drape down his face as he leaned over me, adjusting himself into a hovering position on my king size bed.

”Well, I don’t.” I replied as I watched his face inch closer to mine.

I stayed silent as I waited for Shawn to press his gentle lips against mine. His hot breath brushed against my skin as his eyes stared deep into mine. I bit the inside of my bottom lip as his lips ghosted over mine, his eyes staring intensely down into mine. It was like he was staring into my soul, searching through me like an open book with his scanning eyes. It felt like I couldn’t hide from him.

”I could make you feel so fucking good Kylie.” Shawn whispered against my mouth, his heavy breathing teasing my skin as my name rolled off his tongue. His voice was soft and serious. I felt trapped between his body and the cushion below me and I felt completely vulnerable under his intense gaze. There was no way for me to hide the butterflies inside my stomach and I could tell that he already knew that.

”Just say the word and I’m yours.” Shawn whispered as he pressed his body down against mine, nothing but the thin blanket and Shawn’s clothes between us.

I stayed silent, inhaling deeply as he whispered the words against my mouth. Shawn’s eyes were completely focused on mine as he waited for me to say something. I wanted to say something but I didn’t even know what to say. It had been way too long since I last had sex and at this point my body had a mind on its own. I wouldn’t be able to push him off even if I wanted to.

A small grin spread across Shawn’s lips as he realized I wasn’t going to resist him. His hot and heavy breath left my mouth as he shifted down towards my right ear.

”Say it Kylie.” He voice low and hoarse as it entered my ear. My name sounded so sweet coming out of his mouth and I wanted to hear him say it over and over again. It was like a song I never wanted to end.

Bella was right, Shawn’s hot and dare I say even hotter when he’s hovering me on the bed. I watched as the muscles on his arms flexed as he adjusted on top of me. His t-shirt was a little too short for his long slender body and I could peak both his happy trail and V-line beneath the loose shirt.

”Fine.” I whispered completely defeated as Shawn’s lips hovered over mine.

”No, you have to say it.” Shawn grinned as he was less than half an inch away from me. It was like I could already taste his mouth.

”Alright, fuck it.” I groaned as I surrendered to his demands, rolling my eyes slightly at the persistent man on top of me. ”I want you.” I forced myself to say the words out loud. I may have lost a little bit of my pride but the second his mouth was on on top of mine, I’d forgotten about all my pride and values.

His warm lips gracefully pressed themselves against mine. I closed my eyes as I felt his hot breath against my skin, my body was already warm from the blanket but I could feel myself heat up to a boiling hot temperature.

Shawn’s kisses were slow and soft at the start but once I ran my fingers through his hair it was like something wild, deep inside him, had awakened.

”Now was that so hard to admit?” Shawn asked teasingly as his lips hovered mine. I swallowed his hot breath as I opened my eyes and nodded my head slightly.

”It definitely was against my better judgement.” I replied as I played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

There was a hint of a proud smile crossing Shawn’s lips as he leaned back down to kiss me again. Our lips moved in unison as I gently ran my fingers down his neck. His skin felt warm and soft against my fingertips just like his lips.

His lips moved with force on top of mine as he kissed me passionately, causing soft moans to escape my throat with every breath that I take. His tongue had explored every inch of my mouth three times over by now but I couldn’t complain, I liked the taste of his mouth. His teeth teasingly nibbled on my bottom as I buried my hands in his hair.

”Close the door.” I moaned softly as I opened my eyes, my gaze shifting towards the wide open door.

Shawn removed himself from my bed and I couldn’t suppress the little smile crossing my lips as he hurried over towards the door like an eager child. I bit the corner of my lip as my hands played with the hem of the blanket covering my body. It was getting very hot in here and my body was getting extremely overheated.

Shawn’s eyes carefully observed me as I slowly moved the blanket over the curves of my breasts and down towards my hips. I bit the corner of my lip was I allowed my gaze to trail down his body. Bella was definitely right, he’s fucking hot.

”Fuck.” He breathed out heavily as his eyes shifted towards my breasts. He observed me with curiosity as I moved the blanket over my hips revealing my panties as well.

”Are you just gonna stand over there and watch me or?” I asked as I slowly ran my hand over my warm delicate skin.

”I mean…” Shawn shrugged as his brown eyes slowly followed my hand.

”Or you could get your ass over here and fuck me before everyone gets home…” I said as I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip, my hand continuing to trail over my curves and over the outline of my panties. ”Might wanna hurry before I change my mind, Mendes.” I pointed out teasingly as he stood still, still observing my hand movements.

My teeth sunk deeper into my bottom lip as I pushed the thin fabric of my panties to the side. I watched as Shawn slowly moved towards the bed, it was like the spell had been reversed and now he was the one who couldn’t move. I released a soft grasp as I ran my fingertips across my sensitive clit, closing my eyes slowly as a moan escaped my lips.

”Or I’ll just have to make myself come.” I groaned as I opened my eyes. I could feel his gaze burn into my eyes, his brown eyes shifting from my face towards my breasts before following my arm all the way down to my fingertip.

I quite enjoyed the effect a had on Shawn, it seemed like for the first time since I’d met him, I’d managed to shut him up. His soft, slow steps reminded me of a curious child as he waddled towards the bed.

”What’s the matter Shawn?” I spoke teasingly. ”Did the cat get your tongue?”

I watched as Shawn swallowed hard, his Adams apple moving slightly as he shifted his gaze towards my mouth.

”No!” Shawn objected like a stubborn child.

”Like what you see?” I asked, referencing his many taunts about me seeing his dick. I moaned softly as I gentle rubbed my clit in small circles. I could feel the butterflies inside my stomach go wild. My teeth sank further into my bottom lip as I forced myself to keep my eyes on Shawn. ”I asked you a question…” I cooed teasingly as I waited for his speechless ass to speak up.

Pay back felt so fucking good. I felt like an emperor, queen of everything.

”You’re so fucking hot.” Shawn growled as he hovered me on the bed, his burning hot gaze staring directly into my eyes. I let out a soft moan as he pressed himself against me. I loved this newfound power that I had over him. I loved watching him speechless and all fucked for me. I figured he was interested in me since he literally refused to leave me alone, like a stray puppy refusing to leave their new owner, but I didn’t know he was this fucked for me and to be honest it was a good feeling.

”Oh, he talks…” I felt a grin spread across my lips as I looked up at the man hovering me on my bed. He really was attractive, I hadn’t seen it before because I was too busy thinking of comebacks to his witty comments but now that he was on top of me, inches away from me, I could definitely see it.

”Better watch that pretty little mouth of yours…” Shawn threatened. I bit the corner of my lip as I stared into his soft brown eyes.

”Or what?” I whispered as my chest filled with air and my stomach twisted into a knot. Shawn grinned as I stared challengingly into his eyes, waiting for him to make a move.

His body dropped down against mine and I let out a soft groan as he grinded into me. I ran my fingers down the fabric of his shirt before pushing my hands beneath the fabric and running my fingers back up towards his neck. He was wearing a grey pair of sweatpants and I could feel his hard cock grind against the inside of my thigh. I know I’d been drunk when I saw it but as I felt it against my leg, I could tell it was just as big as it had been in my hazy memory.

Instead of answering my question Shawn hungrily pressed his lips against mine. My mouth released a soft groan as his lips grabbed a hold of mine. I let my fingertips trail back down his sculpted chest and stomach and as I reached the hem of his sweatpants, I dug my hand down them.

My body filled with lust and desire, I hadn’t felt this aroused or needy in a long time. If someone would’ve told me this was about to happen two weeks ago, I probably would’ve thrown up at the thought but now I could barely keep my mind straight or breathe properly.

”Fuck Kylie.” Shawn cussed, his hot breath hitting my mouth as I gently rubbed his cock with the palm of my head. My fingers slowly exploring his soft skin, the tip of his cock was already wet, reminding me of my own wetness.

Shawn closed his eyes as I used both of my hands to pull Shawn’s pants and boxers off of him. An amused grin spread across my lips as I took his cock into the palm of my hand and rubbed it gently.

”Be honest…” I whispered as I stared into Shawn’s lustful eyes.

”Mhmmm…” He released a gentle moan as his eyes opened fully to meet my gaze.

”How long have you wanted to fuck me?” I whispered as I gently pressed the tip of his cock against my clit. I could feel my insides light on fire as his wet tip brushed against my hard clit. Damn, I haven’t been this horny for a long time.

”I dont know.” Shawn shrugged slightly, releasing a soft innocent moan.

”Liar.” I pointed out as I released my grip around him. ”Truth, or I won’t fuck you.” I threatened him.

”Alright, fuck.” Shawn cussed under his breath. ”Like, two years or so.” He pursed his lips into a thin line as I took him back into my hand. A satisfied smile crossed my lips, I felt quite good about myself at this point. I felt powerful.

I bit the corner of my lip as I ran my hand over his soft skin. I could feel him get even harden in the palm of my hand and I loved seeing his eyebrows furrow in pleasure as he hovered me. I’d never seen him this vulnerable before and I was definitely fun to have this power over him.

”What about you?” Shawn suddenly spoke. ”And don’t lie and say you haven’t ever considered fucking me…” His low voice threatened me.

”Like three seconds ago.” I released a soft giggle. Shawn wasn’t nearly as amused as I was.

”Funny.” Shawn cocked his head to the side. ”Admit it or I won’t fuck you…” Shawn stole my demand and I let out a sigh. I was suddenly reminded of why I hate him, he’s just as stubborn as I am.

”Fine, like a few weeks ago.” I rolled my eyes as I was forced to admit the truth. If I were to be honest with him and myself, I hadn’t forgotten about the first kiss we shared and how his mouth tasted.

”So… Basically since you saw how big my cock was…” Shawn tried to boost his own ego as he raised his right eyebrow at me. ”That’s a bit shallow Kylie, but I’ll take it.” Shawn teased as he looked down at me. I rolled my eyes at him as a glowing smile crossed his lips.

”Shut up before I change my mind.” I groaned as I brushed the tip of his cock against my wet slit.

”Yeah right…” Shawn cooed as I released a soft gasp, feeling the tip of his cock press against my entrance.

”Just fuck me already.” I sighed in frustration.

”Fuck you’re soaked.” Shawn’s focused shifted away from the conversation and towards the actual sex. I let out a soft moan as my free hand tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. I wanted it off. Shawn took this as a sign and quickly threw his shirt on the floor before reaching beneath me to unclasp my bra, freeing my breasts in the process.

I removed my hand from his cock and hooked my fingers through my laced panties but Shawn grabbed a hold of my hand to stop me.

”Leave them on.” He whispered as he looked down at me. He released my hand, reaching down to push the delicate fabric to the side.

”Fine.” I murmured, not really giving a fuck about the panties.

I felt the heavy weight of Shawn’s body against mine as he pressed his lips back against mine. His mouth had gone from sweet and soft to hungry and sloppy. I closed my eyes, tasting him and swallowing his hot moans as his tongue graced mine.

”Think you can handle it Kylie?” Shawn whispered teasingly as he rubbed the tip of his cock against my entrance, causing me to moan against his warm mouth. I grinded my hips against him, silently begging for him to enter me.

”I swear to God, Shawn…” I groaned in frustration as he gently pressed the tip of his cock inside me.

”I like hearing you moan my name.” Shawn smiled against my lips as he drowned out my needy moans.

”Please.” I whined softly as I felt him slowly enter me inch by inch. I felt pure bliss course the every nerve inside my body and I hadn’t been this aroused in months. He was teasing me and taunting me and I loved and hated it at the same time.

”Oh, I like hearing you beg even more…” Shawn cooed, his breath hot as his mouth hovered above mine.

”Want me to beg for you, cause I’ll fucking beg for you…” I whispered as I opened my eyes, forcing him to meet my hungry gaze. ”But if you come too soon, I’m never fucking you again.” I grinned as Shawn looked down at me amused.

”And if you come too soon, I’m telling everyone we fucked.” Shawn fired back as his brown eyes focused on mine.

”Fine…” I moaned as I felt him fill me up completely. ”Fair enough.” I whispered as my nails dug into his shoulder blades.

”Now, back to the part where you’re begging for me.” Shawn grinned as he stayed inside me, forcing my walls to clench around him in frustration.

”Please.” I whined softly as shifted my legs, keeping them spread widely.

”God, you’re so fucking tight.” Shawn groaned as he felt me clench around him. ”When was the last time you got fucked?” He asked out of curiosity.

”I don’t know.” I shrugged.

”Answer or I won’t fuck you.” Shawn demanded, I was starting to think that this was a bad idea because now he’d found a brand new way to extort information out of me.

”Fine…” I groaned. ”Not that it’s any of your fucking business but like two months ago.” I rolled my eyes at him as I ran my hands down his warm skin.

”Did he make you come?” Shawn asked with a boyish grin covering his lips.

”Mhmm.” I let out a sigh, wishing he would just shut up and fuck me already. ”Why? Scared of competition?” I teased as I looked up at Shawn.

”Bet I could make you come harder.” Shawn whispered as he buried his face against my ear. His hips moving slowly as I released a soft moan. Fuck, he was such a child, but it was kind of hot.

”Fuck!” I whimpered softly as I felt his heavy breath against the bare skin on my neck. I released a soft moan as his wet lips gently pressed against my skin.

”You smell good.” Shawn noted as he inhaled the perfume on my skin. I was too busy focusing on his cock inside me to think about anything else at this point. ”And you feel so good.” Shawn released a soft groan as his lips sucked on my delicate skin.

I was soaking wet and my body was desperate for a release. He was teasing me with his slow movements and I knew what I had to do.

”Please, Shawn.” I whined, forcing myself to beg before my pride would get the best of me.

”I love the way my name comes out of your pretty mouth.” Shawn moaned softly into my ear as I let my hands rest against his lower back.

”Pleaseee.” I moaned as I lifted my hips off the bed in an effort to meet his slow grinding movements. ”Faster.” I begged sweetly as Shawn shifted on top of me, his face hovering mine as he watched the delicate moans slip out of my open mouth.

Shawn increased his movement, his eyes still locked on me as he watched my face portray the pleasure he was giving me. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment as he kept grinding into me.

”Keep talking baby.” Shawn called out as he forced a quick kiss onto my lips. ”I need to hear you.” He groaned, his mouth swallowing my mewling moans.

”Please, harder.” I moaned into his mouth. He swallowed hard as he moved faster inside me. I could feel the muscles inside me clench in anticipation. ”It feels so good.” I moaned as I felt his lips on my neck, sucking lightly.

”Who’s making you feel this good Kylie?” Shawn growled against my delicate skin, his heavy breath tickling my sensitive skin. I loved the way my name came out of his mouth too. Suddenly his voice sounded hoarse and sexy rather than annoying and witty.

”You are.” I moaned as I pressed my fingertips into his skin, feeling the muscles in his shoulders flex as he steadied himself above me.

”And what’s my name?” Shawn groaned teasingly as he thrust into me.

”Shawn!” I whimpered as his hips collided with mine. His slow strokes had turned into full on thrusting and my legs were starting to cave in, I couldn’t keep them properly apart anymore.

”Good girl.” Shawn growled against my ear, his hot breathing echoing in my head as he buried himself deep inside me. I could feel myself clench harder around him as he praised me. ”Oh, you like that.” Shawn cooed teasingly into my ear. Fuck, I couldn’t control my body and it was exposing me.

”Mhmm.” I cooed, full of pure bliss as I dug my nails into his warm skin.

”Fuck Kylie.” Shawn moaned as he teasingly nibbled at my neck. ”Tell me how good it feels!” He demanded as he lost himself inside my body. The two of us moving in union.

”It’s feels so good Shawn.” I moaned his name loudly as I ran my fingers up and down his back, feeling his soft little dimples beneath my fingertips as he buried himself inside me. ”Fuck.” I whimpered as I felt my muscles contract, feeling myself at the peak of the mountain. ”You’re gonna make me come.” I choked out as I buried my head against the pillow, my voice strained as I tried to stop myself from screaming.

”Fuck!” Shawn growled as he shifted on top of me, increasing his pace further. ”Look at me when I make you come.” Shawn ordered and I opened my hazy eyes to meet his lustful gaze. His eyes intimidated me, I was so close to the edge and he could tell. ”Want me to stop?” Shawn flashed me a cocky grin as he raised his eyebrows at me.

”Please, no.” I groaned, knowing that if anyone was gonna leave me on the edge, it would be him.

”Are you sure?” Shawn cooed teasingly as his eyes focused on mine. My whole body was filled with anxiety and pleasure as he kept me right at the very edge.

”If you stop I’ll never fucking talk to you again.” I tried to sound threatening but my voice faltered and everything came out like a weak whimper.

”I want to hear you moan my name when you come.” Shawn ordered as his lips hovered mine. I nodded in agreement as he slammed his lips against mine, matching the force of his mouth with the force of his thrusts.

”Fuck, I’m so close.” I whined into Shawn’s mouth. He bit down hard on my lip before letting my mouth go, allowing my moans to fill the air around us. ”Shawn.” I choked on my own breath as he ruthlessly pounded into me, making my legs shake and my toes curl.

”Louder.” Shawn ordered against my ear. I could feel his loose curls brush against my sweaty temple as our warm bodies collided on my bed.

”Shawn-” I cooed at the top of my lungs begging to God that no one would hear us, especially not Harry. ”Please, please, please.” I whined as I squeezed my hands around his shoulders, while begging for mercy. ”I’m so fucking close.” I whined as I felt my walls clench hard around his cock.

Shawn’s eyes focused on me as I felt waves of pleasure conquer my body. I tried to keep my eyes focused on him as I felt the fire spread inside me. ”Oh God.” I moaned as I grasped for air. My eyes intuitively closed as I enjoyed the overwhelming feeling inside my body.

”You feel so fucking good.” Shawn groaned as if he didn’t want the sex to already be over. I had no idea how long we’d been going it at but I honestly couldn’t care less as long as nobody caught us. ”Can I come inside you?” Shawn asked, to my surprise. His piercing brown eyes staring inside mine as he felt my walls contract around him.

”Yeah…” I breathed out heavily.

”Damn-” Shawn sounded a little surprised as he flashed me a smirk.

”Come inside me, Shawn.” I moaned as I ran my fingers through his curly hair. I watched him intensely as he furrowed his eyebrows, shutting his eyes at the overwhelming pleasure and a single drop of sweat running down his temple as he forced himself deep inside me. ”Please, come inside me Shawn.” I begged like I’d never begged before. Watching him come undone on top of me was probably the hottest thing he’s ever done, the way his face scrunched up and the way his lips pursed together as he released a sexy growl.

Breathless and completely spent, Shawn pulled out of me and a soft grin covered his lips as he watched the liquid result of his orgasm stain the fabric of my panties.

”Fuck Kylie, that’s hot!” Shawn groaned as he watched his come drip onto my panties.

”Tell anyone about this and I’ll fucking kill you Shawn!” I threatened as his gaze shifted away from my panties to my eyes.

”That rude little mouth of yours is gonna be the end of me!” Shawn groaned as he laid down next to me, his arm resting against my bare back.

”Either way, you’ll die and I’ll be happy.” I whispered as he pulled me back against him.

”I’ll just come back as a ghost and fuck you in your dreams.” Shawn whispered as he rested his chin against my head.

”Shut up.” I couldn’t help but to laugh at how quickly we were back to our usual bickering.

”Make me.” Shawn whispered seductively as he playfully squeezed my side.

”I’ll sow your mouth shut.” I threatened as I reached back in an attempt to smack him.

”You’ll regret that once you find out how good I am with my tongue.” Shawn cooed teasingly as he stopped my hand from swatting him.

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wholesomemendes · 4 years

Text

The Final Attempt

College and Hockey Shawn Au

Summary: Shawn’s the star hockey player at your school, while you’re the quiet, bookworm that spends all of her free time at the library. After a shared encounter over a book, you find yourselves drawn to each other in ways you couldn’t imagine. (You can find part 2 here)

Author’s Note: I swear this is better than the summary makes it out to be lol. Thank you guys sm for the love on my first piece and I hope you enjoy this one! Please let me know what you think!

Mi-. Mia-. Mio-. Moa-. Moby-Dick. Your eyes lit up in excitement after finally finding your beloved book in the expansive library of your school. Whispering a quiet yes of victory to yourself in the silent atmosphere, you placed your hand on the spine of the book, already planning out your night of reading and sipping tea in your small dorm room. Giving a slight tug on the book, you furrowed your brows when you felt resistance on the book’s end. Thinking the book was just stuck on a part of the old creaky shelf, you tugged a little harder, growing frustrated when the book wouldn’t budge. A sigh passed your lips as you finally gave up the struggle, releasing the book from your grasp only to find your eyes widening in surprise when it snapped back through the shelf into the hands of someone on the other side. The mysterious stranger stumbled slightly on their feet, looking down at the book in bewilderment before peering through the gap in the shelf that was left in its place. Upon seeing you, he smiled, bright white pearly teeth on full display, “Oh hi.”

“Hi,” you giggled, coming closer to the shelf in order to better see the man in question. It was difficult to make out his entire figure in the small space of the shelf, but you could tell for certain that he had one of the most handsome faces you had ever seen accompanied by a mop of curly brown hair on top of his head.

“I guess you were looking for this too, eh?” he scratched his head nervously after seeing you, suddenly growing bashful at being this close to someone as breathtaking as you. It was unlike him to feel this way around a girl, being the captain of the hockey team did mean he was around beautiful girls a lot. But something about the way your eyes sparkled in this atmosphere and the way you looked so comfortable in this cavern of books made his heart skip a beat.

“Yeah I was, do you need it for an assignment?”

“Yep, Mr. Shrouder’s English class,” he let out a light chuckle, eyes trained on the ground before meeting your eyes once again, “But if you need it too then you can have it. I’m sure I can find another copy somewhere.” He carefully maneuvered the book back through the shelf so you could grab it again.

“Oh no, you can keep it!” you told him quickly, shaking your head at his generous actions, “I’ve already read it. I’ll just find another book to read tonight.”

His eyebrows furrowed at your words, the small crinkles in his forehead making his confused face even more adorable as he retracted the book from the shelf, “You’re telling me...you want to read Moby Dick for fun?”

“Yes I do, “ a chuckle escaped your lips as you leaned your body back slightly onto the bookshelf behind you, crossing your arms comfortably, “Believe or not, but I actually enjoy reading books for pleasure and Moby Dick just happens to be a favorite of mine. I think you’ll like it more than you think you will.”

He laughed at your statement, eyes crinkling as he shook his head lightly, “I highly doubt that. Not much of a reader if I’m honest.” Scratching his neck nervously, he extended his hand towards yours through the small gap of the shelf, “I’m Shawn by the way.”

“Y/n,” you leaned forward, shaking his hand with a wide smile plastered on your face. His hand seemed giant compared to yours, rough but somehow smooth at the same time and you found yourself not wanting to let go when he began to release yours. Your body whined at the loss of contact from the beautiful stranger, and you pushed away your curious thoughts about this man that you had just met.

“That’s a beautiful name,” he mumbled with a small blush on his cheeks, internally cursing himself for using such a cheesy line on someone like you who seemed to be smart enough to take on the world. He didn’t know why he felt he knew this about you, but the way you held yourself and how your eyes lit up when talking about something as simple as a book told him everything he needed to know. Except he wanted to know more. He wanted to know your favorite color, your favorite line from your favorite movie, what you liked to order from the school’s cafe, all because he was captivated by your spirit from just a few words. The slight buzzing in his pocket snapped him from his thoughts and he hurriedly reached for the source of the noise, “Sorry...I don’t mean to be rude it’s just my phone’s ringing and...” His voice trailed off after seeing his best friend and fellow teammate’s contact on his screen and the time that signaled that he was much later then he was supposed to be. His plan had originally been to quickly grab the book that he needed for class tomorrow and then drive his jeep as fast as he could to get to hockey practice on time. But obviously he had gotten a little sidetracked, meaning his coach was definitely going to give him hell, “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I just realized that I’m really late, I have to go.”

You met his wide, frantic eyes and ushered him out, “Go, go you don’t want to get in even more trouble.”

“Ok,” he breathed out, trying to calm himself down from the wave of thoughts crashing down inside his head, “Thank you again for the book, I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” you smiled at him, knowing he needed your reassurance to leave the conversation like the polite boy he made himself out to be, “Now go, you’re really going to be late.”

“Right, right, I’ll see you around. Bye Y/n,” with a light wave, he turned hot on his heels to check out his book before exiting the building towards his parking spot. You waved back, though you knew he couldn’t see you as you stood there replaying the way your name sounded from his mouth, wondering how someone you had just met managed to leave your head whirling.

__________________________

6 days pass before Shawn finally sees you again. He’s back at the library once again, this time accompanied by some of his friends, when his wandering eyes get caught on the only person in the whole building fully engrossed in a book instead of their laptop. He smiles to himself as he watches your eyes move slowly across the pages of your newest book, eyebrows furrowed in concentration making you look even cuter to him. Before he can change his mind, he mumbles a quick “Be back soon” to his friends, packs up his work, and heads towards the school cafe located next to the library. He approaches the entrance to the library once again, this time with two coffees in his hands. Upon reaching the cafe, he realized that he had no idea what your order was, so he decided on a generic brew of coffee he knew a lot of his friends’ girlfriends liked when he got their orders. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and began to approach the small table you were sitting at towards the back of the library. It was a secluded area, surrounded head to toe in shelves of books, and if it wasn’t for him looking at you at the split second he did, he was positive he wouldn’t have been able to see you. When he got closer to your seat and you failed to notice him, Shawn suddenly began having second thoughts about his whole plan. What kind of creep just comes up to a girl while they’re busy reading and hands them a coffee? She probably doesn’t even like coffee, he scolded himself, What was I thinking? It was too late to back out now though, and he shook the negative thoughts from his head and placed the coffee in front of you on your table, “Hey.”

Your head snapped up at the sound of his voice, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding once you realized who it was, “Oh, hey Shawn, you scared me for a second.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” he murmured ,rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly as a blush crept up his neck, “I just happened to see you while I was working and thought I’d buy you a coffee as a thank you for letting me have the book the other day.” He lightly pushed the cup towards your body, earning a giggle from you in response, and he swore he wanted to hear that sound on repeat for the rest of his life. “I realized when I got to the cafe that I didn’t know what you like to drink, so I just got this. A lot of my friends’ girlfriends’ like it and I didn’t really know what else to get you, but um...” stuttering his eyes fell to the ground, beating himself up in his head for his seemingly inability to talk to you. He had never had difficulty talking to girls before, but you were different and he knew that from the start.

You smiled kindly at his words, heart swelling at the idea that he was putting so much thought into something as simple as getting you a drink, “Thank you, I really appreciate it, but you know it wasn’t the end of the world that I didn’t get to read Moby Dick again, right?”

A small chuckle left his lips as he finally lifted his eyes to meet yours, “I know, I know, but I still wanted to say thank you. And if you don’t want it that’s ok too! Like if you’re not into coffee or something you don’t have to drink it...”

“Shawn, you’re rambling,” you laughed and his cheeks turned into an even darker shade of pink, “Thank you for this, it was really kind of you. And if you must know I’m much more of a tea kind of girl, but I’d never turn down the chance for a free thank you coffee.” Your smile grew a little larger when you saw him visibly relax at your words and he let out a breathy laugh before running a hand through his beautiful, brown curls.

“Well, I’m glad you like it. I should, um, probably get back to work, Moby Dick isn’t gonna read itself.”

“You can sit here if you want to, unless you already have a table or something,” you proposed, biting your lip in nervousness. You didn’t know where that had come from, for you were not known to be the most confident around guys. Especially not cute, tall hockey players that bought you coffee. But you had already let Shawn leave once, and you didn’t want to let it happen again without you trying to at least make an effort for him to stay.

“I’d love to,” he told you honestly, “But I told my friends that I was only leaving for a couple minutes and that was almost half an hour ago, so um... I should probably get back to them.” He didn’t want to leave you, hell he would stay here all night with you, but he felt horrible for leaving his friends behind and you could tell that was the truth from the sincerity in his eyes.

“Yeah of course, I wouldn’t want to keep you from them.”

“Well...” he mumbled, shoving his free hand in his pocket, the other still fiddling with his own drink, “I guess I’ll see you soon then, Y/n.”

“I’m here almost everyday so, I’ll definitely see you around,” you smiled at him, your own hands nervously playing with the pages of your book.

“Great, I’m looking forward to it,” and with that he gave you another signature wave that you returned before returning to his original table. Your cheeks burned bright red when he left, a soft smile playing on your face as you brought his coffee up to your lips.

__________________________

2 days later, you’re seated at your favorite table engrossed in a new book when a coffee cup is placed quietly in front of you as to not disturb your concentration. Too into what you’re reading, you fail to notice until you go to check your phone for the time and are met with the words Attempt #2 of Guessing Your Order: Classic Black Tea scrawled across the cup in black sharpie with Shawn’s signature messy handwriting. You bite your lip to contain your smile and lift your eyes to see him sitting at the table he had previously been with his friends just the other day, sneaking glances at you from over his laptop screen. He sends a bashful smile your way after realizing he’s been caught, which you gladly return, before he points to your cup and lifts both of his hands, one in a thumbs up, the other in a thumbs down. You furrow your brows in confusion before understanding what he was trying to signal to you, Did I guess your order correctly? You send a guilty face his way and slowly shake your head no, earning an exaggerated huff of defeat your way. Mouthing a thank you his way, you both give each other one last smile before returning to your work, but you’re definitely less concentrated then before.

You find yourself peering over the pages of your book multiple times, watching as Shawn typed away, sometimes sticking his tongue out in concentration which you found absolutely adorable. Little did you know, he was still sneaking glances at you too, and when your eyes met once again, you looked away bashfully and refrained from embarrassing yourself anymore. Shawn chuckled to himself from across the way, loving the cute blush on your face when you looked away. As much as he wanted to approach you, he could tell you were just as nervous as him when he was around and he had no desire to make you uncomfortable. So he resorted to staring at you from afar, loving the way you made his heart flutter from the simplest movements.

Night fell over the library and Shawn had slowly become more focused on his work, determined to finish his assignment before heading back to his dorm. The sound of an empty cup being placed on his table broke his concentration for a moment as he watched you give him the smallest of waves and head out of the library doors. He became so entranced in just watching you leave the building that he didn’t even think to look at the cup until you had fully exited and his thoughts became slightly less consumed by you. Examining the cup, his heart began to race as he carefully traced over your message, I’ll never pass up black tea, but I prefer something a little sweeter;)

__________________________

Shawn had never been one to spend his free time in the library, but it’s been a little over a month since he first met you and he had found himself coming there at least every other day in hopes of seeing you hunched over another book at your favorite table. He couldn’t decide whether or not being at the library made him more productive or if all the time he spent watching you from a distance cut down on how much work he was truly getting done. Tea after tea was given to you, always with a sweet message on the side that made your heart burst, and you never failed to write one back before either of you left. Hardly any words were spoken between the two of you since the day the first coffee was given besides a little small talk here and there, but the stolen glances and small gestures from afar were enough for the two of you.

However, with the opening hockey game approaching, Shawn had found it difficult to find time to spend in the library between practices, but he had made it his priority to drop his newest attempt at your order off at your table just to see the way your eyes lit up, even if it meant he had to leave right away. You couldn’t lie and say that your heart didn’t drop a little when you saw him heading towards the door instead of his table, though you knew he had priorities as the college’s star hockey player. You hadn’t planned on going to the opening game, but the idea of seeing him playing in his uniform on the ice, making it look almost effortless, seemed like too good of an offer to pass up. Your heart hated how addicted you were to the boy you’d hardly spoken to, though you couldn’t help but feel like you knew him just by the way you interacted wordlessly. This didn’t help your opening day decision, not even knowing if he would want you there or if he was even thinking about you like you were him. Would he want you there, cheering his name alongside hundreds of other beautiful girls? Would he even notice you or try to find you within the crowd? And if he did see you, would he even care that you came or would he look right past you at the blonde sorority girl a few rows down?

Your answer came on the day of the game in the form of a cup of tea, placed perfectly in front of you by a hand adorned with a swallow tattoo. Except this time, the hand didn’t leave the cup as quickly as usual and Shawn pulled out the seat across from you with a smug look on his face, “Hey.”

“Hey,” you replied, looking at him curiously as he sat down, both elbows on the table with his hands propping up his head.

The smug smile never left his face as he nodded his head towards the cup confidently, “Go on try it.”

“You seem very confident that this is the one,” you remarked, a smirk tugging on your lips as well, “Are you sure you’ve got it this time?” This earned you a scoff in reply and he leaned back in the seat, crossing his arms as he rolled his eyes at you.

“Just try it, I’ve got it this time.”

You sipped the drink cautiously, waiting for the sweet taste to hit your tongue, while Shawn stared at you expectedly. You quirked an eyebrow when you recognized the taste immediately and he sat up in his seat excitedly, “Soooo?”

“Well, I mean it’s good....” you teased him, watching his confident face falter for a moment, “because you got it 100% correct.”

Shawn exploded from his seat in victory, pumping his fists in the air while little whispers of yes! came tumbling out of his mouth. You giggled at the 6 ft. 2 man-child in front of you as he finally settled down enough to stand still and lean his hands on the table. “Well on that note, that’s one win for today and I’ve got to go get another tonight,” he winked at you, loving the way he made your cheeks flush, “But I really do need to go before coach wrings my neck.”

You smile back at him, lightly biting your lip as your eyes look at your nervous hands on your cup before meeting his bright, brown eyes, “Then you better get going, don’t want the star hockey captain out on opening day.” It was his turn to blush now at your compliment and he tapped a quick rhythm before standing up straight and walking backwards towards the door.

“I’ll see you later, hopefully,” he said, pointing his finger at you to hold you accountable, “Don’t forget to check for your daily message.”

“I won’t,” you promised as you turned the tea around in your hands, “Good luck tonight, Shawn.”

“Thanks honey,” and with that he was out of your sight, leaving you with stinging red cheeks and a message in your hands.

Final Attempt: A hot hibiscus tea with one scoop of sugar. Hope to see you at the game tonight, text me your seat if you come so I can find you;) xxx-xxx-xxxx <3 Shawn

__________________________

That night as Shawn skated on the ice into a crowd full of screaming fans, he couldn’t help but try to find you in the crowd, his heart rate only settling when he found you right where you told him you’d be, his favorite smile on your lips as you screamed his name. The game ended with him scoring the winning goal in the last 6 seconds as his teammates crowded around him, but the only thing he cared about was the proud expression on your face while you gave him two thumbs up in congratulations. You didn’t rush to leave the rink right away, waiting it out a little bit and taking in the moment a while longer. It was unlike you to attend the sporting events at your school, but you had attended enough to get a feel of the atmosphere and you didn’t know if it was the pure excitement from the crowd over the opening game or the fact that your heart beat rapidly every time you saw Shawn glance your way on the ice that made this game feel that more special.

Just as you were finally heading out for the night, you heard an out of breath voice calling out to you, “Y/n! Y/n wait!” causing you to turn around and be met at the sight of Shawn in all of his glory, hair still wet from his post game shower and school apparel sweats on his body. He dropped his bag full of gear and sprinted towards you, picking you up and spinning you around with all of his pent up victory energy, laughing as you let out a surprised squeal at his actions. Shawn put you back on your feet carefully before cupping your face in his hands and innocently placing his lips on yours. You stood there frozen in shock until you came to your senses and slowly began to move your lips in unison with his. Unwillingly, Shawn broke away and placed his forehead on yours, hands still gently holding your face, as he flashed you his million dollar smile with bright eyes staring into your own, “You came.”

“Of course I came,” you whispered back, afraid of ruining the perfect moment with any sound, cursing your heart for beating so loud in your ears. And as you placed your lips back on his ever so gently, Shawn knew that tonight, he had won in more ways than one.

624 notes · View notes

cozywritings · 4 years

Text

Stitches 11: I’ll Be Good

It’s Shawn’s 22nd birthday, so here's a new update on our lovebirds.

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“He asked you to what!” Emily screamed, causing everyone in the ice cream parlor to look at you two. You decided to tell her about your exciting new housing plans for next year, so you could offer that she request your current dorm room, that way she had a room to herself. She was like you in the sense of preferred privacy.

You blushed as you repeated your previous statement. “He asked me to live with him. And I said, yes.” Your cheeks turning an even brighter pink at the confession. “I already told mom and dad, and they’re not too sure about it. However, I think it’s because they haven’t met Shawn yet, but we’d be splitting costs. I pay for food and the utilities and he’s got rent. Plus, we get to sleep in a queen sized bed every night and have our own kitchen and laundry room, and oh god I can’t wait honestly.”

She just looked at you, your eyes bright and cheeks flushed, a glow to your skin that wasn’t coming from the neon lights in the shop or the new highlighter you’d purchased a few days ago. “I’m so happy for you, I know this will be good for you. Both of you, and I can’t wait to see what you do with your place.”

You smiled at her, taking a bite of your edible cookie dough and dancing to the music. “Mom and dad are coming in from Austin in a few days to see the place and meet Shawn, and I’m so nervous Em. What should I do?” She pursed her lips as she thought, her hazel eyes trained on the jukebox.

“I think you should take them to lunch at Mel's in town and then down to the place to see it. Then you have 3 days to shop and they can see how Shawn is with you, that’ll be a good meeting.” You nodded, making a mental note to tell Shawn about it the plan. “Plus, if Shawn really wants to impress them, they can see what he’s like under stress, so having them there while you start to move stuff in would be ideal.” She had a very good point.

The rest of the afternoon you continued on talking about the new semester and how Emily was going to ask to move into your dorm room in a few weeks because she didn’t need to go home for the summer, considering her family lived in L.A which was only half an hour from campus. You were grateful for her help on how to have a great first meeting.

-----

You tapped your foot nervously on the sidewalk, Shawn standing next to you as you waited for your parents to meet you outside the airport. “Baby relax” He stated, rubbing your shoulders and pressing a kiss to your head “Everything’s gonna go fine, and besides, I’m the one who should be nervous and I’m as calm as ever. Take a breather honey.” He smiled, watching as you took a deep breath and relaxed.

Letting out a sigh, you leaned back against his chest, smiling as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “I just want them to love you as much as I do.” He squeezed you tightly before leaning down to kiss you.

“I do too love, but stressing about it isn’t going to help. Besides, I’m pretty sure that’s your mom right there, staring at us.” You looked over to where he was pointing at the doors, and in fact, your mom was standing there. She was smiling at the two of you while your dad crossed his arms in an attempt to look intimidating.

You broke out into a smile. “Mom! Dad!” You shouted, breaking out of Shawn’s hold to run towards your parents, arms outstretched for the hugs they were waiting for.

“We’ve missed you sweetheart” your dad said, rubbing your back as you pulled away. You smiled at them before remembering that Shawn was still waiting for you to return, but you hadn’t seen your parents in almost a year aside from facetime calls.

“I missed you guys too, it's so weird not seeing you guys all the time.” As you spoke, you walked them to your boyfriend, who was waiting patiently for you to have your time with your parents. “Mom, Dad, this is Shawn. My boyfriend and uh, who I’ll be living with for senior year.” You smiled, motioning to Shawn who had a hand held out. Now he looked nervous, and you laughed at the quick change of attitudes.

His hands shook at he waited for your dad to take his hand. “Hey, I’m Shawn. It’s good to finally meet you, sir.” He said as your dad shook his hand, your mom giving him a quick hug. “So uh, we thought that we’d take you to lunch at Mel’s and then to see the place we chose. Then we’d leave you two to check into your hotel and get some rest, or explore the city.” You watched as he spoke, rubbing his hands on his jeans and scratching the back of his neck.

Coming to his rescue, you grabbed his hand, placing a kiss to the swallow tattoo you loved. “So mom, I was thinking that tomorrow we could do some decor shopping! There’s this little place I found near campus that sells some cute stuff and dad can go to that golf course he’s been talking about.” Shawn mouthed a “thank you” before walking the four of you to his jeep and staring the route to the diner for lunch.

---

“So” you start, looking at your parents as you pull into the driveway of the little two bedroom house you and Shawn had just signed on. “This is it! I know it’s really small but really it’s so perfect. It’s two bedrooms with a laundry room in the garage and the kitchen and floors were just redone!” Shawn watched as you animatedly talked about the house, loving the way your eyes lit up as you spoke. “Do you wanna go see the inside?” you asked, practically bouncing with excitement in your seat.

Your mom nodded, already tearing up at the fact that you had found someone who loved you and you trusted enough to live with during the most important year of your college career. “We’d love to baby, I’m sure it’s beautiful.” Your dad agreed, mentally planning the list of things you’d need for the small yard that you had.

Walking into the house, you let out a happy sigh. The white walls and wood floor made it look bigger than it really was and the new kitchen looked beautiful with the gray cabinets and blue backsplash. “Oh honey, this is beautiful. You two did such a good job with picking this. I really love the backplash!” Your mom smiled looking around the living area.

“Actually, Shawn picked it. He had already signed on it and everything before asking me. This was all him.” Both of your parents looked at him, shocked that he’d done this himself before letting you show them the bedroom and the rest of the little place. “This is our room, I was thinking a queen bed suit so there’s more room.”

Shawn came up behind you, hands on your shoulders before adding “I was thinking more room for your vanity, honey. Or one of those clothes racks for your extra stuff.” Your mom watched the two of you exchange ideas for the room while your dad took measurements for the furniture.

“Sir, can I talk to you outside a moment?” Shawn asked your dad, nodding towards the back porch that had an old iron table and chairs on it that your mom was already talking about repainting. He nodded, following Shawn to the backyard and closing the door.

You and your mom exchanged looks. “What do you think he’s talking to him about?” She asked, watching them carefully. They both stood with their backs to the house, and you took a moment to watch the way his shirt strained against his broad back. You haven’t seen your parents in 12 months and you were already ready for them to go to their hotel so you could have Shawn on the kitchen counter.

You shrugged, “Shawn was talking about how the landlord said we could install a sprinkler system the other day, maybe yard stuff since dad is so good at that. I have no idea why they look so serious.” you hummed, turning to look at the kitchen. “I was thinking we could go to Rodeo Dr. and do some clothes shopping later, it’s time to donate the closet and get a new one. What do you say mom?” you asked and she nodded. You two made a deal, since scholarships paid for your tuition and books, you would use the college account to shop.

Ten minutes later Shawn and your dad came back in, you and your mom had already decided that you needed to get some blackout curtains for the bedroom to help with the brightness. Shawn had the biggest smile on his face and you wanted to know why. “Hey baby, we were gonna go get some things for the yard. Do you want us to drop you two off at the strip to go shopping?”

Before you could answer, your mom was already grabbing her purse. “Oh that’s a wonderful idea, we were just talking about going shopping to update our wardrobes!” And with that you were pulled to the car, your dad having an odd look on his face.

---

Now settled into your own hotel room you’d been in for the week, since you had already moved out of the dorms and you didn't have furniture yet, you decided to ask Shawn about earlier. “Hey honey?” your voice soft, unsure of how to ask.

He let out a hum, looking up from his Pediatric Surgery and O.R. Protocol book. “What’s up babe?”

You were currently hanging the clothes you and your mom bought earlier in the day on the back of the bathroom door so the steam from the shower you were about to take would smooth any wrinkles. “What were you and dad talking about in the backyard today?”

His eyes widened, and you noticed the way he looked over to your left hand before smiling. “Just some yard stuff and some future things with the house. I think he likes me.”

That was all you got before he walked over and pressed a kiss to your shoulder, pulling the strap of your tank top down. “Baby, I’m so stressed about this move. I’m really not in the mood.” You sighed, letting out a moan when you felt him leave a trail of hot kissing along your tight shoulders. He nodded, stopping and pulling you into a hug. “Can I at least join you in your shower? Wanna wash your hair for you, rub your shoulders. Just wanna love on my girl.”

You really weren’t in the mood, but there was something about the way he said “my girl” that had you letting him strip you of your top and shorts so he could turn on the water.

Stepping in after Shawn, you saw him squeezing your shampoo into the palm of his hand. You turned around so he could wash your hair and let out a sigh at the feeling of his fingers massaging your head. “Well I don’t know about dad, but mom absolutely adores you. She would not stop talking about you while we were shopping. She’s already planning a trip for us to come home so you can meet my whole family.” You laughed and rinsed out your hair before he applied your conditioner.

“Well, your mom is an amazing woman. When you were talking to the associate at Coach, she told me she’d never seen you so happy. It made me feel really good.” As he spoke, he gently scrubbed you with your body wash, taking time to rub your shoulders. He knew walking and carrying all your stuff tensed you up. “And your dad told me if I hurt you he wouldn’t hesitate to personally castrate me.”

You laughed, “That sounds like dad. But he means no harm.” you reassured him, turning to place a kiss to his chest. “Want me to wash your hair too bub?” his eyes widened, and he nodded, dropping to his knees so you could pour the shampoo directly onto his head.

As you washed those perfect curls, he pressed kisses to your hips. Not trying to do anything other than relax you. “So, room service for dinner and Grey’s Anatomy?” he asked as you rinsed his hair for him.

“I don’t think there’s anything else I’d rather do.” he smiled, standing up and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was wet and hot, and you let out a moan when one hand came up to cup your neck gently. “Babe, be careful. I don’t wanna start something I don’t have the energy to finish.”

He smiled against your lips, “I can finish it for you honey. Wanna make you feel good.” but you shook your head and he nodded. He placed one final kiss to your lips and pulled away. “Okay my love, I’ll go order dinner so you can shave. Shrimp Alfredo and Stella Rosa?” he asked, referring to your dinner order. You nodded, grabbing his hand and squeezing gently before he left to call the kitchen.

---

“Hey babe, should we get a leather couch or a cloth one?” You asked, getting Shawn to pull his attention away from the array of coffee tables. You were currently choosing your living room furniture and your dad insisted on new items. So here you were, an hour into your search.

“They both have pros and cons.” Your mom added, running a hand along a soft brown couch. She knew a lot about purchasing new furniture, considering one of her companies was a furniture store, your father, however, gave you his credit card and left for the golf course.

Shawn let out a groan, his brain tired from all the choices and his stomach grumbling. “Baby I don’t know. You’re gonna be the one resting the most there because over half of your classes are online. You chose whatever one you want, I’m sure I’ll love it. As long as it’s gray or black.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead before answering his phone that had began ringing. “Hey mom, what’s up?”

He talked to his mom a few minutes alone before walking back to the two of you, rubbing your back gently. “Hey honey, mom wants to FaceTime, she has some input on the furniture. Is that okay?” You nodded, motioning your mom to come over to join the two of you.

“Hey loves!” Karen smiled, waving at everyone and blowing kisses. You smiled at her, blowing a kiss and leaning against Shawn. You hadn’t officially met Shawn’s parents in person yet, but you’d met them over FaceTime and a Skype call over spring break to thank her for the hotel room. They seemed to like you, according to what Shawn said when he got back from him trip home.

“Hey K! This is my mom, she’s helping us shop while dad is out golfing. But we could use some help deciding. And I figured a retailer’s opinion would really help.” She smiled at you, knowing you were nervous about choosing.

She went through the list of pros and cons of the couch options, adding in that there also needs to be a chair to match. “But if you’re gonna be home doing studies, I’d suggest a comfy cloth couch because you’ll get hot on a leather one. However, I also know Shawn’s habit of eating every meal on the couch.” Her eyes trained on him and you laughed, “so maybe an easy to clean option would be best.”

“Thanks mom. I think that’s what we’ll do.” Shawn handed you the phone so you could say your goodbyes, his face red at his mom’s accusation.

“Thanks again Karen.” You waved, sending her a smile and a kiss.

“It’s no problem love, and it was nice to meet you too!” She smiled at your mom and they exchanged goodbyes and cell phone numbers,and a few words before the call ended.

“She’s a lovely woman, just like her son.” Your mom whispered to you as you handed Shawn’s phone back. “I’d love to meet her for real one day.” She said, insinuating that she was already mentally preparing for a wedding.

You walked around another hour before deciding on and buying a living room set and having them deliver it to the house. You had already bought a bedroom set that morning, and now just needed kitchen things so you could sleep in the house tonight and be able to eat.

---

Walking into the house, you let in the delivery guys, instructing them where to place everything and thanking them for all their hard work. “Would you guys like some water before you go?? We’ve bought plenty.” You offered, pointing to the case of water bottles on the counter. They all took one, thanking you before heading back out to their trucks and leaving.

“So baby, this is our home for the next year.” Shawn sighed, placing the bag of bedding on the couch and wrapping his arms around your waist. Your parents had already gone back to their hotel, your mom saying something about dinner reservations.

“It’s perfect, I love it so much. I love you so much. I was gonna see if mom and dad wanted to come see after dinner, but I’d much rather just relax. Maybe christen the new house?” He let out a low moan into your hair, hugging you tighter before whispering to you,

“The faster we can get the sheets on the bed, the faster we can get underneath them.” So without another word, you raced off to the bedroom, giggling in excitement and happiness of how things were turning out for the two of you.

There was nothing better than laying in bed with Shawn’s arms around you, except doing so in your own home. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He asked, bringing you out of your post sex daze.

You blinked a few times, rolling over and laying on top of him. “Just thinking about how much I love you, and how excited I am to make this place ours.” He smiled down at you, watching you blink slowly in thought. He knew this was a huge thing for you, and one reason he did all of this was because he had a plan in place and he wanted to make it as seamless as possible. But also he knew that you’d been having a tough time, and found this specific place so he could turn the spare room into a designing studio and your own safe space.

---

It’s been a week since you moved into the house. A week of figuring things out, learning when the other actually showers, and learning that Shawn actually eats very healthy, despite all the takeout he ordered when you lived in the dorms. Everything has been unpacked and placed in the right spot, a laundry schedule had been established, and you’d even been able to get your own makeup station set up in the empty corner of the bedroom. The spare room was currently being used to hold everything that didn’t have a place yet, but would soon be turned into your safe space. Shawn told you about his little surprise when you walked in on him talking to Cheryl and Emily about ways to decorate the room for you

Tonight was your housewarming party and you were a running mess trying to get everything ready on time. “Hey baby, do you want to go take a shower? I’ve got everything ready, and you look like you could use a few minutes to yourself.” Shawn smiled sympathetically at you, placing the final package of solo cups on the counter. “I’ve got it from here, you should relax for a while. You’re stressing too much.”

As he spoke, he walked around and handed you a glass of water and some pain killers for your head and back. “You’re the best.” You whispered, closing your eyes and swallowing the pills. “I’d love to take a shower and maybe even get in a nap before they get here.” He nodded, kissing your forehead and gently scratching your back, which earned a kiss to this collar bone and asatisfied hum from you.

“I think that’s a perfect idea. I’m gonna mow the lawn really quickly and then I’ll shower and might even join you in bed. We’ve still got-“ he stopped and looked down at his watch. “Three hours before they get here. So we’ve got plenty of time to relax.” You leaned up and pressed a kiss to his chin, humming your approval of the idea, then walked off to shower. Stripping off your top as you walked to the bedroom, you heard Shawn let out a low groan.

---

You were almost asleep when Shawn walked into the bedroom, chest exposed and sweaty. Those curls you loved were plastered to his neck and forehead. “I didn’t mean to wake you baby, I’m gonna get in the shower and then join you. Try to stay awake for me?” You nodded sleepily, debating if you should tell him you’re naked under the sheets, but decided to let him find out for himself.

“I’ll be out in a few minutes.” He mumbled before closing the door and starting the shower. To keep yourself awake, you opted for turning on the tv. When you moved in, both tv’s came with you, yours went into the living room because it was larger, and Shawn’s got placed in your room. So at least you already knew how to work it, and there wasn’t that trial period like when you get new things.

In the time it took you to pick a movie, Shawn had already showered, gotten dressed, meaning he put on some boxers, and walked back into the bedroom. “What are we watching sweetness?” His voice soft just in case you’d fallen back asleep.

“Killers, it’s an Ashton Kutcher movie where he’s a spy. I loved it when I was in high school.” You watched as he picked up the laundry and put it in the basket before walking back over to the bed and pulling back the covers.

The look on his face was absolutely priceless when he saw your bare skin. “Fuck, babe you can’t just not warn me that you’re naked.” he groaned and you shrugged, patting the mattress next to you.

“I was too lazy to get dressed after my shower. Come cuddle with me, Dr. Mendes.” He moaned at the name, loving when you called him that. Even though he hasn’t yet started his shadowing at the hospital, you had been calling him that for about a month now. He always had a good reaction to it.

“How am I supposed to say no to that?” He smirked, crawling next to you and letting you mold yourself to his body. “I set an alarm for 5:00. That gives you an hour to get ready.” He spoke into your hair, fingers dancing across your back.

Letting out a content sigh you spoke softly. You mumbled a quiet “okay” into his chest before drifting off into your well deserved nap.

---

The party has been going on for a few hours now and everything has been going amazing. Everyone loved the house, especially Brian, since he helped Shawn and encouraged him to ask you to live with him. Everything was perfect, until the last few guests arrived. In all honesty, it was a complete and honest mistake of simply not knowing, but the second you heard your front door open and looked up to see who it was, your smile and heart dropped.

At first it was just Cole, another med student that was shadowing with Shawn at the hospital, then behind him was Josh. He looked around, as if he truely didn’t know who’s house he was at, until his eyes landed on the photo of you and Shawn at Disneyland, you had all the photos printed and placed in a photo album. His eyes went wide, then even larger when they landed on you before he gave you a smirk.

“I’ll be right back Rudy, I need to go find Shawn. Um, an unwanted guest just got here.” Your voice shook like your hands. He knew where you lived now, and that scared you, even more so since his advances after Christmas break. You just knew he’d try to pull something while Shawn was at the hospital.

Noticing your panic, Rudy placed a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, you okay? Who’s here? You should sit down, you look like you’re gonna pass out.” He waved over Brian, handing you a plate of nachos to eat. “Dude, I don’t know what’s going on but someone is here and it’s causing a panic attack. Can you go get Shawn?” He asked and Brian nodded, moving quickly to go find his best friend while Rudy sat next to you and pulled you into his side for comfort.

“Hey, can you point to who it is?” His voice soft. You pointed to Josh who was staring at you, a smirk on his face at how he was affecting you. Rudy turned to look at him and almost growled, anger boiling in his chest to see his friend so upset. “Why the fuck is he here?”

Tears were now sliding down your cheeks, as you shrugged. “He came in with Cole. I don’t think he knew about Josh, because he wouldn’t do that on purpose.” You sobbed, shoulders shaking as you tried to calm down the panic attack.

“Okay, here’s Shawn. I’m gonna go talk to Cole. Just remember to breathe hun, you’re safe. Your boys got you.” Brian announced after coming back, you let out a soft chuckle when he winked at you, tossing the plate of food onto the coffee table and reaching out for Shawn.

He was already on defense mode, body rigid and jaw set. “Baby, Hey what’s wrong? Brian said you’re not doing well. Breathe for me okay, you’re alright, you’re right here with me.” He stopped to look up at Brian and Cole who’d walked up, an extremely sympathetic look on his face.

“Let’s go talk in our room okay? I wanna get her out of this crowd so she can breathe.” They all nodded, filing into your room, Rudy, Brian and Cole all looking at you with worried looks.

Sitting on your bed, you were already starting to calm down. That’s when Cole spoke up. “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t know you two had a bad history. I didn’t think to tell him whose house it was or even ask you guys if I could bring a friend. Oh shit I feel so terrible. He’s in my British Lit. class and I had no fucking idea. When Brian told me I wanted to puke.” He was babbling, his own panic setting in.

You reached out and grabbed his shaking hands with yours. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. But is there any way you can get him to leave?” He nodded quickly, telling you that he’d take him home immediately.

That’s when Shawn decided to butt in. “Wait. Who’s here, Cole who did you bring?” He asked, kissing the top of your head and keeping track of your pulse.

The boy bit his lip, looking at how your makeup was ruined and like he wanted to cry. “I brought Josh. I swear man, I didn’t know. You know I’d never do that to you guys.” You rubbed his arm and closed your eyes as you began you relax.

Shawn instantly tensed, his jaw tight and eyes hard. “Baby, Shawn, Hey, look I’m okay now. Cole’s gonna take him home and come back.” You looked over at Cole as a silent plea he’d come back and he nodded. “Problem solved. I promise I’m okay now. You’re here with me, I’ve got the guys too. And Em and the girls are here as well.”

But it was no use, Shawn was already walking out of the bedroom and making a beeline to the back porch where Josh was playing with the lights hanging overhead. You ran after him, but it was no use, he was on a mission. “I’d suggest you leave before this gets ugly.” Shawn seethed, pointing towards the back gate.

“What are you gonna do about it Mendes? Why don’t you go back to your pathetic girlfriend, what’s she crying about in there anyways? I’d love to see what else I can make her d-“ before he could finish, Shawn had pushed him into the table, both Josh and the glass top hitting the concrete. He was quick to get up. “Son of a bitch!” He yelled, lunging at Shawn and knocking him into the brick wall. You let out a scream, tears running down your face at the fight before you.

Rudy held you, hiding your face in his chest while Brian and Cole went in, grabbing Josh and throwing him onto the ground before securing his hands and forcing him into the car. “Hey, we’ll be back to check on everything later. Make sure they’re okay?” Rudy nodded, ushering the party goers out of the house with an apology.

The second he let go of you, you darted towards Shawn, who was leaning against the side of the house, head leaned back onto the bricks as he chest heaved. “Shawn!” You cried, falling into him and the two of you slid to the ground.

“Shhhh baby I’m okay. Just hit my head and my back scraped against the house, I’m not severely hurt, I promise. Just wanna sit here for a few minutes.” His hands came up to cradle you to his chest as you listened to his rapid heart beat. “We’re safe. I’ll call Monday morning and get a security system put in.” You let out a little chuckle, Shawn was just in a fight, he could have a concussion, and his first thought was making sure you were safe in the house.

You looked up at Rudy, who was currently sweeping up the broken glass. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll clean it up in the morning. Can you just do me a favor and bring me the first aid kit from our bathroom?” you asked, lookimg at the scrapes on Shawn’s face.

“Of course, I’ll be right back. Do you want something to drink?” you looked at Shawn who shook his head. He came back a few minures later with the kit and a couch pillow for you to place behond Shawn’s head.

“Thank you.” You whispered to them from your place on the concrete. You two had yet to get up, Shawn claiming he needed a minute and your body was drained of all energy. “Do you think you can help me get him into the bedroom, I can clean him up. But he’s too big for me to carry alone.”

He nodded, helping Shawn off the ground as the boys came back, Cole handed you some flowers and you smiled at him. “I’m so sorry guys, if I’d known-“ Cole started but you but him off, hugging him gently.

“You didn’t know, and you did the best thing by getting him out of here and coming back to help. Thank you too.” you said, looking between Brian and Rudy, who were standing in the doorway, they’d taken Shawn to the bedrom so he could lay down. “You guys were a huge help tonight with me and Shawn. We’d like to invite you guys over for dinner tomorrow as a thank you. Please?”

There was a chorus of “of course”s before Cole added, “I’m gonna clean up the house okay? You two get taken care of and I’ll let myself out when I’m done. I promise I’ll lock the door on my way out.” You thanked them all again before making your way to the bedroom, closing the door and looking back at Shawn.

“Hey there fighter, how about a bath? I think we could both benefit from one.” your voice was soft as you spoke, walking over to sit next Shawn on your bed.

He nodded, reaching out for you. “I’d love nothing more. Just wanna hold my girl. You doing okay? Your meds are in the kitchen if you need them.”

You shook your head, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off his shoulders carefully. “I’m alright bubs, let me take care of you okay? I know that’s hard for you since you’re the med student here, but your back is scraped up pretty bad and I’d like to check your head.” As you spoke, you slipped out of your sundress and settled back on Shawn’s thighs.

He took a few minutes with his head on your chest, listening to your still erratic heartbeat and leaving hot kisses on your collar bones. “Okay babygirl, I’d really like that bath now, my body hurts so bad.” His lips moved against your skin and you got up, walking into the bathroom to start the bath and dump in the Epsom salts.

“I’d like to rinse you off before I get in. Please? It’ll make me feel better.” You whispered, taking a washcloth and dipping it into the tub. He nodded, toeing off his socks and settling into the tub, hissing at the water on his raw skin. “If it hurts just tell me. I’ll be gentle.” You warned, dabbing the cloth across his back and shoulders where they’d come in contact with the bricks. He let out a low whine and you wanted to cry.

There was a few minutes of silence before you leaned over and turned on a soft playlist. “You gonna join me baby?” Shawn asked, holding is hand out to you and smiling. You couldn’t say no, he looked so tired and handsome. You honestly didn’t know if you wanted to cuddle him or fuck him.

The water was still warm as you stepped in, settling into the water and leaning back against Shawn’s chest. “You scared me tonight baby.” He mumbled, his fingers trailing along your sides. “When I walked over to you with Rudy I thought you were gonna hit the floor. You weren’t breathing well and you were so pale. Then the look on your face when you came outside. Oh god, I never meant to get that violent, or violent at all. But he was just so-“ He stopped when you turned around and straddled him.

“I scared you? Shawn I thought I was going to find you unconscious on the porch. Panic attack be damned, I’m glad you’re okay. He’s probably not gonna bother us again after all of that. Are you sure you’re okay?” You asked, eyes darting around his face and chest in fear. “I don’t mind taking you to minor emergency.”

You took a breath when Shawn places his hand on your cheek. “I’m fine, you’re okay. Can you please kiss me?” You didn’t need him to ask twice. Leaning forward you wrapped your arms carefully around his neck and kissed him. It was hot and wet and despite the situation, one of the sexiest kisses the two of you have ever shared.

He moaned against your lips, fingers digging into your hips and pulling you closer. “Baby, fuck me” he groaned, lips trailing down your neck. “Please. I need you. Wanna feel close to you.” His voice strained and you moaned, feeling him press into your neck and lick down your throat. It took you a minute, but you positioned yourself over him before sinking down on him slowly. The two of you let out a sigh, taking a second to adjust.

——

“I love you so much” Shawn whispered, your head on his chest, hair still damp. The two of you decided getting dressed after your bath was pointless, so you curled up under the sheets and let your hair drip onto the pillow.

You looked up at him, still in a post sex daze from a second round after getting into bed. “I love you too bub.” You smiled at him, your hand coming up to rest on his cheek. “You’re so pretty.” You mumbled, blinking slowly.

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to your palm. “So are you. You’re also very tired. Let’s get some sleep, okay? Tomorrow we’ve gotta cook for the guys.” He reminded you and you nodded, laying your head back on his chest.

His fingers gently ran across your back, pulling you to sleep and easing your muscles. Even after a rough night, you always had Shawn. And Shawn knew he had you, and you didn’t want life to be any other way.

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn au #shawn mendes au #college shawn #med student shawn #Shawn writing #stitches #my fic

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lonelyreputation · 4 years

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Landslide (College AU)

A/N: Hello! Hello! This idea just kinda popped into my head listening to some good ole Fleetwood Mac and really wanting to curate a story around a central lyric! I haven’t written in a long long time, so I’m still trying to re-find ym footing and get back into the swing of things! so I hope you all enjoy!! Thanks a million!! (come chat if you’d like)

warnings: angst, mentions of anxiety, mention/allusion to sex (but no smut is directly written)

Word Count: 8.5K

The sun felt soft against your skin and the grass beneath you tickled your ankles. The sweet smell of spring was present and so were the sounds of children laughing while running around the park.

Laying on the grass with your arms tucked behind your head in the park was your ideal Saturday. Nothing beat the natural endorphins that came from being outside. The outdoors was something you treasured and never took for granted, but there was something in the pit of your stomach that you couldn’t quite place the feeling of. A secret message that your body was trying to communicate with you, but you didn’t know how to decode it.

The feeling in your stomach came in and out like ocean tides, but you never paid any attention to it. You felt content with everything in your life and there wasn’t a thing you wanted change.

You took a deep breath, trying to breathe in as much of the fresh spring air as possible, and let it out slowly.

“Hey, sleepy.”

You opened one eye and saw your boyfriend upside down waving and smiling with a blanket in his hand. A smile graced your lips as you closed both eyes shut before opening them slowly to adjust to the brightness of the sun.

You lifted your head slightly, moved your arms from behind your head, and sat yourself up with your legs sticking straight out, “You’re a bit late.”

Shawn rolled his eyes as he leaned down to press a quick peck to your lips as a greeting, “Had to run some errands for my mom.” He straightened up and then shook the blanket out before spreading it out on the grass. Once he sat down on the blanket, he took his time gazing at you with admiration in his eyes. You were sure you mirrored his look.

He patted the spot next to him, “Come here.”

You stretched your legs before getting up and walking a few feet over to where he had set up the blanket. You sat next to him and he immediately swung an arm over your shoulder and brought you close into his side. You wrapped your arms around his stomach and buried your face in the crook of his neck. He smelled almost as good as spring.

“Missed you,” Shawn mumbled as he kissed the top of your head and started to lean the both of you down, so you were laying on the blanket. His arm was still around your shoulder, but you scooched down a bit, so your head was leaning on his arm like a pillow, “And I’m so proud of you for finishing this semester. Only one more left.”

You chuckled and repeated his statement, “One more left.”

“You’re so smart,” He lazily started to twirl the ends of your hair between his fingers, “Graduating a semester early.”

You turned onto your side and curled into him more, resting your cheek on his shoulder as you looked up at him through your eyelashes, “I’m smarter than you.”

His stomach moved with laughter, “Can’t argue with you there.”

The hand that you rested on his stomach rose up and down with his even breathing. Everything was so peaceful; serenity was the only thing occupying your mind. You didn’t know what your plans were for after graduation, and while it was a concern of yours that you didn’t know what you wanted, you knew whatever you had planned would be with Shawn.

Comfortable silence was not uncommon in your relationship. It seemed to be something that both of you valued having been together for so long. The non-existent conversation was filled with the melodies form birds, a slight rustle for tree leaves and branches whenever the wind blew, and the sound of steady breathing paired with a slightly faster heartbeat.

“I can’t wait until that’s us.”

You peered up at Shawn to see him staring at something to his right. It didn’t take long for you to see that something was really someone. And upon squinting to get a better look, that someone turned out to be a man, woman, and a child.

You hummed in response as you traced shapes on his stomach hoping it would distract him from the conversation you knew he was about to bring up.

“I love you,” his words didn’t falter as he looked down at you. He picked up your hand that was drawing shapes on his stomach and brought it up to his lips to place a delicate kiss on the top, “So much.”

With your hands still connected, he let them rest on his stomach as you stretched your neck to place a kiss on his cheek, “I love you too.”

Shawn squeezed your hand, and you knew what was coming next before he opened his mouth, “It’ll be eight years since we’ve been together in about a month,” you nodded against his shoulder as a small flashback of a nervous 14-year-old Shawn asking you out by your middle school locker zipped through your mind, “And I––I can’t wait until we get a house here, raise our kids here, and take them to this exact park and tell them how we fell in love.”

You felt yourself blush as a familiar feeling crept up inside your stomach, “You really have it all planned out.”

“I have our life,” he squeezed your hand as he made a point to emphasize a shared future between the two of you, “planned out.”

You were sure he could feel your heartbeat increase. You loved Shawn with all your heart––more than you’ve loved anyone––but there was something about thinking about the future that made you squirm. A future with Shawn is all you’ve ever wanted since you were 19. You knew he was the one at that young of an age, and you were pretty sure he felt that way about you when he was 17.

You had journals upon journals with every line filled up about how in love with him you were and how you imagined the rest of your life with him. Mrs. Shawn Mendes was doodled in the back your eighth-grade math textbook.

Everything you had dreamed of was approaching faster than anticipated. You were happy to have a lifetime ahead with Shawn. But the undisclosed feeling you felt in your stomach earlier in the day was pushing its way through, and you did everything you could to squash it.

Wanting to feel anything other than whatever it was that made your stomach churn, you pressed a kiss to Shawn’s jaw, lingering there for a few moments. You pressed another kiss to his neck and then a kiss further down on his throat. With each kiss you gave him, the feeling subsided more.

You heard him sigh when you detached yourself from him and sat up. His eyes were closed so he wasn’t able to see the adoration you held in your eyes as you looked down at him. You studied everything about his face; the slight pink coloring on his cheeks despite it being summertime, the downward curve on the bridge of his nose, and how he somehow still had a slight smile on his face when he wasn’t awake.

Unable to resist the pull you felt toward him any longer, you leaned down and pressed an innocent kiss to his lips. As you pulled back, Shawn lifted his head as he gently laid a hand on your cheek and brought you back into a kiss. It was soft, delicate, and reminded you of the first kiss you shared under the bleachers in middle school.

Once the both of you were sitting up, you pulled away, but only for a second before Shawn followed your lips and kissed them one last time. He leaned his forehead against yours, “Wanna get pizza?”

You threw your head back in laughter, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Good,” Shawn stood up from the blanket and reached his hands out for you. You took hold of his hands and let him pull you up. Once you were on your feet, he tugged your arms to pull you closer to him and he gave you a kiss on the cheek before wrapping his arms around you.

His arms were strong, and his body felt warm. You melted into his touch like you had for the past eight years. But then his stomach grumbled, and you leaned away from him with an amused smile on your face, “Pizza?”

Shawn smiled back and nodded, “Pizza,” as he unwrapped his arms from you and began to fold up the blanket.

When he had the blanket draped over his arm, he reached a hand out for you to take. You happily slid your hand into his as the two of you began walking through the park to the pizza place down the street.

The pace of your walk was slow. Normally you wouldn’t mind a slow pace, but it was making the unknown and unwelcome feeling creep back up into your stomach and all the way until it settled in the pit of your chest.

•••

As the spring air dwindled away and began to be replaced with the crisp air of autumn, the heaviness in your chest you first felt in May was still present in September. No matter what you did or who you were with, the feeling was latched deep inside of you. And it wasn’t until you had an honest conversation with your best friend that she told you the feeling was anxiety.

Anxiety.

But what were you anxious about? What was so terrible in your life that made you nauseous in the mornings, kept you up until the late hours of the night, and had you constantly bouncing your leg up and down while sitting? There was barely anything you could do to control the feeling and that’s what drove you mad.

But there was one thing you did that made you forget about the feeling.

Your bare chest was pressed up against Shawn’s as you had on arm draped around his neck, both of his hands resting on your hips as the two of you heavily breathed, trying to clam down, after a moment of intimacy. You lowered your head to rest on his shoulder and he adjusted his arms to circle around your waist, pulling you close.

You kissed the base of his neck and mumbled, “I love you,” as you rolled off him and stared up at the ceiling in Shawn’s apartment.

Shawn rolled over on his side and propped himself up with his elbow, his head resting in his hands as he brought his free hand down to twirl a piece of hair between his fingers, “I love you too.”

Hearing those words made a smile creep onto your face and you diverted your gaze from the ceiling and met his eyes. His eyes were soft, full of love, and something else you had only seen in his eyes before he asked you out; longing.

You didn’t know what he was longing for as he stared at you. His eyebrows were scrunched together, which caused a crease to form in between them. You brought your thumb up to the crease in the middle of his eyebrows and rubbed it until his eyebrows were relaxed and he offered you a small smile. You trailed your hand down to his cheek, caressing it slowly with your thumb. The smile wasn’t a happy one, more of a concerned smile.

“Are you alright?” Shawn whispered.

It was your turn for your eyebrows to scrunch together and a crease to form in between them. And while you momentarily halted your touch on his cheek, you snapped out of your shock and moved your hand up to brush a curl out of his face, trying so hard to distract yourself as you felt the anxiety bubble its way back up.

The curl continued to bounce back into place, but you tried your best to push it out of his face, “’Course I am, why?”

Shawn shrugged his shoulders. He took your hand that was pushing his curl back and intertwined your fingers together, “You seem a little…off.”

“We just had sex three times,” you said with a deadpan expression, “Are you really complaining?” your voice held a teasing tone.

Shawn let out a breathy laugh and squeezed your hand, “It’s not––No––that was incredible––Really really good––definitely not…complaining,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I feel like I can say I know you better than anyone else and…I don’t know…Something’s been up the past few days.”

Few months.

You shook your head, trying to ease both of your nerves, “Might be a little anxious about post-grad.”

Of course, you were nervous about life post-graduation. All you knew up until this point in your life was education, and everyone was anxious about life after graduation, that wasn’t out of the ordinary. But you knew the feeling in your stomach wasn’t about post-grad.

Shawn smirked, “Knew something was up,” he kissed your cheek, “But you’re probably the most well-off student I know for after graduation. You even said that the place you’ve been interning for––that you’ve been with for over a year,” he gave you a pointed look, “said that they want to hire you.”

You nodded, “It’s just…”

“Scary,” Shawn finished your sentence when you weren’t able to articulate exactly what you were feeling, “But you’re doing fantastic. And you will be even more fantastic once you graduate.”

You rolled your eyes and lightly shoved his shoulder with your hand. He responded by sneaking an arm under your back and pulling you into his chest for a hug, “Now you just have to wait for me to graduate and then we can really start our life.”

His voice was full of optimism and when you looked into his eyes, they finally met his smile. And when you looked deeper into his eyes, you saw a glint of something you had never seen before; devotion.

You don’t know when it happened, but you just accepted the fact that you would marry Shawn. There was no lengthy discussion, but there seemed to be a mutual acceptance. Shawn always spoke so passionately about starting a family with you whenever he saw a family. And whenever you were driving and saw a house you liked, you always made passing comments about how nice it would be to raise a family in your hometown.

You wondered when you had started to feel so uncomfortable about being comfortable.

•••

The month of September was slightly better, but not by much. The anxiety was still present, you kept Shawn in the dark about everything, but it was difficult to confide in him when you didn’t even know what the problem was. You couldn’t pinpoint the root of your anxiety and you thought the anxiety would have finished in June. But it was October and now your anxiety had escalated to suffocation.

Suffocation.

You felt like you had a bag of twenty-pound rocks tied to your ankles and drowning. When you didn’t feel like you were drowning, you felt as if someone was smothering you with a pillow. And when you finally felt like you got away from the smothering, it felt as though someone had cut off your air supply. But there was one thing that temporarily relieved the feeling of suffocation. And it came as an email offering you a job in Colorado. In the United States.

When you applied for the job in August, thinking that your anxiety was your fear of feeling stuck at the same company you’ve been interning with for over a year. So, you applied to a handful of jobs around Toronto and the United States. This was the only job you applied for on the west coast in America and you applied to the it thinking that it would be good practice to receive rejection letters. But the application turned into a phone interview and the phone interview turned into a job offer.

There was a brief moment of freedom you felt when you read the first line of the email; we would like to offer you a position…You read that line about ten times before reading the body of the email. The proudness you felt swell up in your chest was quickly diminished by your new friend suffocation.

You had never considered moving out of the country––you had never considered moving out of the Toronto area–––but here you were internally debating with yourself about if you should take this job offer seriously.

There was too much going on in your head––too much going on in Toronto––as you walked down the sidewalk to your apartment building. Every step you took toward the building felt as if you were walking on a tightrope.

You had a job offer…Step…That job offer was in America…Step…You already had a comfortable job offer in Toronto…Step…The anxiety was present long before the job offer…Step…What was making you anxious…Step…Does Shawn have something…

You didn’t let yourself finish the thought. Shawn was your person. There was not a chance that the universe would play such a cruel trick on you. Life wasn’t fair, but life also wouldn’t rip you away from Shawn.

Right before you got to the entrance of your apartment building, you dug out your phone and made a call to your best friend. She picked up on the third ring, talking all nonchalant until she heard your panicked voice begging to spend a weekend with her in Pickering. When she asked if Shawn would be tagging along, you quickly shot it down. You needed a weekend away. Away from your problems and away from Shawn.

You quickly hung up after, knowing that Shawn was waiting for you in your apartment. The elevator ride up wasn’t as bad as the walk to the front entrance, but the lights that indicated what floor you were currently on felt as if they were taunting you. Yellow and bright, something you were not feeling, but the lights didn’t care as they flickered in your face. When you finally made it to your floor, the fluorescent light was dimmer than the other floors and the ding was monotone.

Stepping out slowly, you walked down the hall to your apartment. Shawn always left the door unlocked for you, so you breezed in before your mind changed and decided to just drive straight to Pickering.

As expected, Shawn was slumped on the as he pointed the remote at the television. He couldn’t seem to pick a channel that held his interest.

His head turned when he heard the door open and you offered him a small wave as you set your bag down on the floor and took your shoes off.

“Good day?”

You shrugged as you walked over to the couch and sat next to Shawn, “Average,” you leaned your head on his shoulder, “How was your day?”

Shawn mimicked your shrug, “Uneventful.”

You let out a snort, “What thrilling lives we live.”

That earned a loud laugh from Shawn, “Exhilarating,” he leaned over and kissed your forehead, “So, what are you feeling for dinner? We have stuff to cook, but there’s this new burger place that––“

You lifted your head from his shoulder and slightly moved away from him as you brought your legs up to your chest, quickly cutting him off, “I’m actually––I’m going to Pickering tonight.”

“Oh?” His voice cracked.

Nodding, you leaned your chin on your knees, “Haven’t seen my parents in a while,” you shrugged as you told a little white lie, “I need to get out of the city and just…clear my head.”

Shawn slowly nodded in understanding. He pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and pointer finger, “Clear your head,” he repeated cautiously. After another moment of silence, he closed his eyes and when he opened them, they were yearning, “That’s…good.”

It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a statement either. It was Shawn convincing himself that you leaving the city for a weekend trip back home alone was fine…That you were fine. When either one of you wanted to go back home, you always brought the other along. But with telling Shawn that you wanted to go alone, you could see that it put him off just a little.

To ease his doubts, because there was nothing in life you were more sure of than your love for him, you took his hand, “Just need to get away from the city.” Your voice didn’t waver, and you spoke with double the confidence, hoping to transfer some of it to the boy sitting across from you.

Shawn squeezed your hand, “And you want to go…alone?”

Both of you knew the answer, and you knew that Shawn was wishing for an answer you couldn’t give him.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized with a solemn smile, “I––just really need to go home alone.” Shawn nodded and you felt him pull his hand away from yours. You panicked slightly and squeezed his hand twice, which caused him to look up at you, “We’ll try out that burger place when I’m back on Monday.”

There was a far off look in his eyes. Again, he only answered with a nod.

Him using the bare minimum to communicate with you was driving you up a wall. You didn’t like how he was avoiding conversation and you didn’t like the feeling in your stomach that came with it. He’s disappointed in you, a voice in your head spoke up, you’re leaving him alone when you know he doesn’t feel confident about your relationship––

In order to get the voice to stop talking, you did the one thing that you knew would quiet it for the time being. You leaned forward, gently placing both of your hands on his cheeks, and kissed him. At first when he didn’t kiss back, you feared that you wouldn’t be able to silence the voice. The toxic coping mechanism you fell into every time wasn’t working. Panic was rising through your body fast and just when you were about to give up hope, he kissed you back.

A sigh escaped your lips as he pulled you closer.

You needed to be closer.

His hands carefully held your waist as your hands traveled from the sides of his face to the nape of his neck.

You needed to feel closer.

He kissed you harder and his biceps tensed up as your fingers grazed his arms.

Closer.

You needed to physically feel as close as possible to Shawn; because emotionally you felt as far away from him as ever.

•••

The drive back home was filled with songs on a mixtape Shawn made you for your seventeenth birthday. Luckily, your car still had a CD player, and you wanted to listen to the songs on the physical disc instead of just streaming them from a database.

You left your apartment after a silent cuddle with Shawn that lasted a few hours: Legs tangled together, synchronized breathing, and feather light touches. In the middle though, Shawn said his arms were getting cold and asked if you had a sweatshirt he could borrow. Reluctantly, you got up and trudged to your room looking for a sweatshirt of his you once stole.

A red sweatshirt caught your eye and you picked it up, toying with the fabric on the sleeves before walking back to the couch and handing the sweatshirt to Shawn. He quickly tugged it over his head, ruffling his hand through his messed-up hair to get it somewhat back in place, and then pulled you down to lay next to him. He left your apartment wearing the sweatshirt.

You found yourself at Melanie’s––your best friend’s––house. She ushered you in as you set your bag by the stairs as she busied herself in the kitchen making tea for the two of you. The only words exchanged between the two of you was a greeting and some small talk. She didn’t push you as to why you frantically called her and begged her for a getaway weekend––she anticipated that conversation was coming later in the night.

Once your teas were made to your liking, Melanie led you upstairs to her room and opened up the window. A fond smile crossed your face as flashbacks from your childhood came flooding back. Sitting out on the roof at Melanie’s house was your favorite place in all of Pickering and it was where Melanie and you had most of your deep conversations. It was after a conversation with Melanie on this roof when you realized you loved Shawn for the first time.

Melanie was on the roof and took your tea mug, so you were able to climb through with ease. You plucked a few blankets from beneath her window to brace bodies against the frigid air. Once you both had blankets wrapped around your figures and mugs securely held in your grasps, Melanie spoke up.

“Everything alright?”

You took a sip of your tea, keeping your vision set ahead on the tree in her backyard, “Yeah, I’m alright, I––it’s just…” you glanced over at your friend who had her eyebrows raised silently telling you to rethink your answer, “I’m…I don’t know.”

You took another sip of tea.

“I think you’re far from fine,” Melanie chuckled, “Got a call from my best friend panicking about how she had to get away,” her voice waned off amusement and turned more serious, “You worried me.”

You nodded in understanding, “Sorry, I don’t––Sorry––I don’t really…” You ran your fingers through your hair, “Sorry.”

Melanie’s eyes were soft and full of concern as she placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Never apologize for what you’re feeling even if you don’t…know…what it is.” She treaded carefully with her word choice.

“I got that job in America,” you said as you took a sip of your tea.

Melanie’s eyes widened and a bright smile spread across her face, “Y/n that’s––Shit––Congratulations! That’s so exciting! America…Wow.”

You nodded, “America.”

There was a brief silence in the conversation, the only sound being the rustle of tree branches from the breeze. The silence told Melanie everything she needed to know about why her best friend suddenly had to escape the confides of the city.

“Shawn doesn’t know?”

“Shawn doesn’t know,” you repeated her question as a statement, “Which like––I don’t know––It’s not––that’s not why I’m…upset.” Melanie nodded and waited for you to continue your explanation, “Things have been…off.”

“Off? Like recently?”

It felt as if you were drowning.

You gulped, “May.”

Melanie’s eyes widened a second time for the night, but not in joy, her eyes widened, and her eyebrows were slightly raised and pinched together in worry, “That’s––Shit, Y/n––It’s November.”

Again, you nodded and took a sip of your tea, “It’s November.”

“You’re going to have to do more talking than repeat the last words I’ve said.”

It wasn’t harsh, but the tone of Melanie’s voice caused you to flinch. She was being honest, you had to start offering her up information or this last-minute trip to Pickering would be pointless.

“I feel stuck,” you breathed out the last word in barely a whisper, “I feel stuck and I’ve felt this was since May and I don’t know what to fucking do, Mel––I––I’m terrified.”

Melanie scooted closer to you and nodded, “Stressed about graduation?”

You shook your head immediately. Graduation always came with some stress, but that was a blip in your thoughts as to why you were feeling the way you were.

“Everything is going so so well with Shawn and…I don’t know…I’m content with how things are now, but––“

“You’re obviously not content,” Melanie scoffed, “Maybe you need some change.”

You quirked an eyebrow up and tilted your head, “Change?”

She nodded and offered you a regretful smile, one that people had tucked away for when they had to break not so pleasant news to people they cared about, “Change from…how your life has been going.”

You were not connecting the dots and Melanie saw that in your eyes as she continued on with her explanation.

“Maybe America is a great opportunity to start over.”

“Start…Over?” You shook your head, “I have a life built around Shawn and a––and a future here with him––That’s not…I can’t…”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Melanie,” you pleaded with your best friend feeling your throat tighten up, “I can’t do that to him––“

She held up a hand for you to stop talking, “You’ve been with Shawn since you were sixteen––“

“Fourteen,” you corrected her.

She shot you a glare and pretended like you didn’t interrupt her, “You were children when all of this started,” she waved her free hand in the air gesturing to your relationship with Shawn, “You’ve had time and now you’re older and maybe you just need a change.”

You carefully set your tea down on the roofing panels. The negative thoughts and feelings came out of their hiding places. One by one they creeped out of every corner of your mind, torturing you with the lethal words your subconscious created.

You wiped away the tears that silently fell from your eyes with the heel of your palm. Change was something you didn’t handle well. Change was something you never liked. Your head was telling you that this was bad––this kind of change was bad––but your heart was screaming. Your heart was screaming about how tired it was a feeling suffocated––of feeling like it was constantly drowning.

Your heart was telling you that there was another way. That you didn’t have to feel like this all the time––how you shouldn’t feel like this all the time. You wanted to ignore your heart and ignore the heartbreaking gaze Melanie sent your way.

You craved Shawn’s presence now more than ever.

•••

November ended painfully slow and December came without a care for your feelings.

In the midst of juggling your final university workload and trying to figure out what to do with your life post-graduation you were also trying to stabilize a relationship that you desperately were clinging on to.

Ever since your roof conversation with Melanie, you felt the relationship crumbling on your end. Shawn seemed hesitant around you; every touch he gave you held a doubt, every night you went to bed he shifted further to the other side, and every I love you was said with caution.

He was still there physically. But, emotionally…Emotionally he was pulling away right before your eyes.

You loathed the situation you had created for yourself and Shawn. You hated how you no longer seemed to sync up. You wanted to go back to the way things were before the summer hit. You craved for the smell of the spring air that was synonymous to the safety you felt when you were with Shawn. Although, you didn’t know how possible that was.

Change.

Melanie had brought it up on the roof and again whenever you called her. She reassured you that she would be supportive of your decision––whenever you came to one––but she still favored the decision of change for you. She had your best interest at heart, and you appreciated it, but your best interest was intertwined with Shawn. And you knew that this was not in his best interest.

Graduation came and it seemed to be the only day in the past seven months that felt normal. You walked across the stage, received your diploma, and when the ceremony was over Shawn barreled into you. He picked you off the ground as he hugged you and spun you around, knocking off your cap.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered, “I’ll love you forever.”

That day gave you hope. It made you smile wider than you had in the last few months. It was a light finally shining through the dreary storm clouds. It was what you had been waiting for and it helped you come to clarity as to what sort of change you needed in life.

Change, you decided, was needed if you wanted to keep sane. You needed a change of scenery, and you decided that you can have a change and still keep Shawn. It was a compromise between listening your head and your heart. Your heart wasn’t very fond of the idea, but it was the best decision your head could come up with. You didn’t know why you thought it had to be an ultimatum between the two, and it eased your troubles just a bit, but it didn’t nearly release the weight on your shoulders you thought it would.

The day after graduation, you woke up with your legs tangled with Shawn’s, his arm thrown over your waist, and his face toward yours for the first time in months. You didn’t know how much you missed something this domestic until you had it in your grasp once more. But the moment you woke up, his arm around your waist felt like an anchor aiding in drowning you. And while you felt as if you were drowning, you also felt safe. Shawn always made you feel safe.

That was a week ago. And you hadn’t woken up in his arms since then.

Ironically, since the term ended, Shawn had been spending more time at your apartment. The dynamic had shifted between the two of you: Shawn no longer came up to hug you from behind when you were cooking at the stove, you no longer pinched Shawn’s hips as he walked by you, and the two of you blushed profusely and looked the other way whenever you saw the other in a towel.

Things had been off emotionally for some time. But now physical aspects of your relationship were changing, and a piece of your heart broke off every time you noticed it. You wanted change, but not like this.

You were sat at the small table you had in your kitchen area waiting for Shawn to come home. He mumbled something about playing some soccer in the park with Brian when the two of you were sitting on the couch. He tied his shoes up and before he left, he stood in front of you. Like every time you stared up at Shawn, you fell in love with him all over again.

He offered you a small smile before bending down and carefully cupping your face with his hand. You immediately leaned into his touch and closed your eyes as a peaceful sigh escaped your lips.

It caught you off guard when he leaned in a pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. Your eyes opened just as he broke the kiss. When you looked into his eyes, they were pleading with you. They were pleading for an answer you could not give him. His eyes were begging for you to tell him what went wrong with the two of you and why things had gone downhill. But his eyes were also full of love and hope; Unconditional love for his middle school sweetheart and hope that the two of you could make it over this bump.

“I love you,” he whispered just as soft as he did on the day of your graduation, “I won’t be long.”

Desperate for more physical contact from him, you tangled your fingers in his brown hair. You knew how much he loved when you massaged his scalp and ran your fingers through his hair, his eyes closed as he leaned forward an inch to brush his nose against yours.

You didn’t want him to go play soccer with Brian.

“I love you too.”

With a sigh, he opened his eyes. You could see he was intently thinking about something, but before you could pry, he seemed to go against his better judgement and press another kiss to your lips. While the kiss wasn’t anything special, he lingered for longer than the last.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said.

He left before you could open your eyes. There was a part of you that didn’t want to open your eyes. The last thing you saw was your sweet boyfriend kissing you and telling you he loved you. There was no better high in the world than that, especially when you felt depraved from his physical touch for so long.

That was six hours ago.

You had hope he would only be gone for two or three hours, but your hope dwindled away with every hour that passed.

You were messing around with your laptop when you heard a key in the door handle and soon after the door opened. You felt the inside of your stomach fall and anxiety crawl up. Once you looked up, you saw that Shawn was already staring at you.

His cheeks were rosy, his lips were parted slightly as he breathed heavy, and his forehead was glistening with sweat. He held his water bottle in his hands as he stared through you. It was unnerving and you wished you were able to read his mind.

“I love you, Y/n.”

His voice held conviction as he seemed to refocus his gaze to look at you instead of through you.

You closed your laptop screen slowly as Shawn walked toward you. He placed his water bottle on the table and looked down at your doe eyed questioning gaze, “I love you and I need to know what’s wrong.”

“Wha––“

“I know you feel it too,” the determination and confidence behind his voice fell, “It’s been a––a few months and I can’t––we––this…” His voice cracked, “We need to figure it out.”

You sniffled and started to pick with a loose piece of skin by your nail. Your eyes fell to your lap, not wanting to look at him, “Let’s––yeah––Let’s talk, okay.”

Shawn crouched down in front of your chair and took one of your fidgety hands in his as his, “Hey,” his other hand tilted your chin up to look at him, “It’s just me…Shawn…The guy who banged his head against your locker before he asked you out,” he let out a sad chuckle, “Just…Me.”

You nodded and sucked in a deep breath hoping to delay your tears for a moment longer, “I know––I––That’s what makes it so…hard.”

Before the sob wracked through your chest, Shawn was pushing your chair back and wrapping his arms around you as you fell into him. He held you firmly against his chest, running a soothing hand up and down your back as he whispered that everything would be alright. Your arms tightened around his neck as your sobs increased with his careful words.

After a few moments when your cries slowly started to calm down, Shawn slightly leaned back, arms still wrapped around you. He was lazily tracing patterns on your back, which caused you to look up at him. You wished that you kept your head buried in his neck because his red eyes and heartbreaking smile was worse than anything you’ve been through.

“There’s my pretty girl,” he sniffled as he brought a hand to your face and wiped the tears under your eyes away with his thumb, “So pretty.”

You felt your bottom lip tremble, another wave of fresh tears wanting to be seen. Shawn loosened his grasp around your waist which caused you to look up at him in panic. You didn’t want to be separated from him, you wanted to be as close to him as possible. He shushed you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, keeping you close to his side as he guided you over to the couch.

The two of you sat on the couch, much like you did earlier in the day, except this time you were sitting right next to each other.

Shawn grasped your hand in his, his grip so tight as if he was afraid you would slip right from it, “Talk to me, please.”

You vigorously nodded your head, but no words came out. How do you start off this kind of conversation?

Shawn squeezed your hand as reassurance and before you started second guessing what you were going to say, you blurted out, “I feel anxious.” Shawn slowly nodded, squeezing your hand as a way to tell you to continue.

And you did with a deep breath, “I feel anxious and––and stuck and like I have no control over anything and it––I think––I need a––uh, change.”

As your words rambled on they got softer and softer until your voice barely carried above a whisper. But the last word, change, echoed loudly through the room. The word was deafening loud and Shawn didn’t miss a beat.

“Change…”

The one syllable word sounded foreign coming from his lips. He repeated the word for a second time to make sure he had heard you right. Change. That word was never a part of your relationship vocabulary. And it sounded like it didn’t belong the more Shawn repeated it.

“What do you want a change from?” His tone was daring, almost as if he wanted you to make his worst nightmare a reality.

“I––There’s this whole––“

“What,” he didn’t mask the viciousness in his voice, “do you want a change from.”

His voice was demanding and not at all like the sweet sound that had just been comforting you moments ago. You knew he was getting irritated and you knew it would only get worse.

“I got a job in America––Colorado,” it was probably not the best response, but you needed to get that piece of information out there, “And it’s––it sounds great, like really great and––“

He removed his hand so fast from yours, like you were burning with fire, “You’re leaving?”

“That’s not––“

“And why is this the first I’m hearing about this?” He sounded disappointed, hurt, untrusted.

You sighed, “I never seriously considered it until last month.”

“You’ve been feeling like you need a change for the past month?” Your silence only edged him on to ask another question, “Since when–Why––How long have you felt this way?”

You gulped and averted your eyes to look at his knees, “I don’t want to run away from you, Shawn,” you spoke carefully, “I was thinking we both—“

“How long?”

“May.” You screwed your eyes tight, so tight you felt a stinging sensation in your forehead. You wanted to avoid the look of pain, that would no doubt be in Shawn’s eyes, for as long as you could. But when you felt the couch cushion next to you feel lighter, you snapped your eyes open.

Shawn backed away from the couch and you could see that he felt betrayed, “May? How could you not tell me––Christ, seven months? Y/n…” his voice cracked as he said your name.

Seeing the heartbreak in his eyes caused you to shoot up from your seat and comfort him. It killed you to see his jaw clenched and eyes rimmed with redness. But what killed you even more was how he flinched away from your touch when you reached out to comfort him. Nothing in the world could prepare you for that sting.

“Shawn––“

He inhaled a deep breath and sniffed, “Please, don’t…” he brought both hands up to his face to try and stop his tears, “You want to leave?”

He couldn’t even look at you.

His question was double sided. He was asking for clarification about wanting to leave Toronto, but also asking if you wanted to leave him. Your arms hung limp at your sides, mouth wide open in shock. You understood his confusion about wanting to leave Toronto because it had never come up in conversation before. But your sadness quickly turned into irritation as he verbalized his doubt of your love for him and not wanting to be with him anymore.

“You know I would never leave you,” you said as you took a deep breath to keep your anger at bay.

He ripped his hands from his face and sent you a glare that had you stumbling back, “Do I? Because we had a plan for after I graduated. And now you don’t want that with me.”

“I still want that with you!” You threw your hands up in the air in exasperation, “There are some affordable places I found that we can––“

“You already have a job here!” Shawn raised his voice, “You have a place here! You have friends here!––“

You raised your voice over his, “That’s not the point––“

“You have me here! We had a plan––”

“Plans change!”

Shawn was going to shout over you once more, but once your ambiguous statement traveled from the confides of your thoughts and slipped out between your lips, he had no response. You could feel the anger radiating off him as the ringing in your ears got louder, and louder, and louder…

“Plans…don’t just change like that,” he spat out. His words hit you like icicles, cold and sharp before his tone momentarily softened, “I had my life built around you…We––I wanted to marry you. Start a family with you.”

He spoke as if the thought of marriage with you was a far off fantasy.

You pinched the bridge of your nose to stop a new wave of tears from falling, but these tears weren’t out of fear of his reaction to your thoughts about change, he made his feelings loud and clear. These were tears of mourning.

“Shawn,” you said with a strained voice, “Let’s talk about this rationally––“

He ran a hand through his hair and looked narrowed his eyes at you, “Don’t––I had it all wrong from the beginning, who could’ve actually thought we would make it this far?” He let out a laugh that made you more nauseous than any amount of anxiety did, “We were just children when we met, we didn’t know anything about life!”

His anger morphed into a cynical tone that sent shivers down your spine. It frightened you when he let out a laugh, one that was usually saved for comical moments between the two of you.

“And now we’re older!” He continued with another laugh, “Time is a funny thing, back then it seemed like nothing.”

As much as you didn’t want to be near Shawn, you knew he was spiraling, and you wanted to help him. Despite what he may think, you still loved him. Carefully, you tip toed forward slowly as Shawn continued on with his rambling about how idiotic he was as a kid to think this would last forever. Each step forward broke your heart thinking about how Shawn portrayed your relationship as childish and with no chance of reconciling.

“You just took my love…” his voice decreased in volume and cynicism and was replaced with a tone that ripped your heart out of your chest as he pointed an accusatory finger at you that made you stop in your tracks, “You took my love––you took it and have no remorse whatsoever––“

You shook your head and took the last few steps to him faster than the pace you were walking before, “I still love you, Shawn. That is never going to change.”

He peered down at you, and for a moment you saw the Shawn you fell in love with. You saw the bright-eyed eighteen-year-old boy who sat you on his bed and wrote a song about how in love he was with you. He looked like he was on the verge of forgiveness, but once you lightly brushed your fingers against his hand, he snapped back out of whatever trance he was under.

“I don’t know how to love anyone else,” his shoulders slumped forward as he bit his bottom lip.

You swiftly took his hand in yours and gripped it as if you were hanging off a cliff and he was your only lifeline. You didn’t know if it was a moment of braveness, or a moment of desperation because something deep inside you knew it could be the last time you touched him.

“You don’t have to love anyone else,” you pleaded with him, “I don’t want you to love anyone else.”

“Time’s a funny thing,” Shawn let out a humorless chuckle. His head was tilted when he finally made eye contact with you. His eyes were full of longing and one other thing you weren’t familiar with; regret.

“Shawn,” you spoke his name cautiously, petrified of what his next move was, “We can work through this…”

He slowly shook his head, causing your heart to plummet, “May…That was…From what I’ve gathered, you didn’t have that job offer then––didn’t have an excuse for change…,” he swallowed back tears, “But you wanted change then…You want change.”

“I want a change of scenery,” you tried your hardest to make him understand, “Not a change from you.”

“The only thing back then you could’ve wanted change from was me,” it was the first time his voice didn’t falter. He was confident in this theory that you didn’t want him.

You squeezed his hand, “Are you even listening to yourself––“

“You’re the love of my life,” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. With one of his hands still clutching onto yours, he brought his other hand––a trembling hand––up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, “I just wish I was yours.”

With a shaky inhale and one last strong sniffle, Shawn pressed a firm kiss to your forehead, released your hand one last time, and escaped through the door.

You had felt many sensations throughout the past seven months––drowning, being weighed down by rocks, suffocation––but what you were feeling right now, the devastation you felt deep within your bones, was far worse than any of them.

You felt as if you were falling.

Shawn, your only lifeline, had let go of your hand. He knew he held the power whether to pull you up or not and he decided to let you go. It felt as if he released his grip, finger by finger, desperately wanting to hold onto what you both had, but in the end, it didn’t survive. And as he released your hand, you fell.

You fell over the edge, your stomach performing backflips as the sensation got worse with each passing second. The sensation of falling was never ending, you felt as if you were falling down the rabbit hole to Wonderland––terrified of what was waiting for you at the bottom.

The December air was frigid. The December air made you go out and seek comfort in a hot chocolate because it wasn’t good enough to provide a blanket of warmth. The December air was nothing like the spring air.

Oh, how you wished to smell that spring air once more.

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