#shame how non of my friends are on it or active on it i'd use it a lot nore often

[chillllii]

why am i only now realizing most people running social media (like the CEOs and shit) are either antisemitic cunts or zionists?

#cause there's twitter #and then there's tumblr that's a zionist #and i'll be honest idk what the fuck is going on with insta/facebook that's a hellscape in of itself #tiktok allows rampant hate speech like the moderation on thay fucking app is outrageous #oh that ''hive'' app or whatever was ran by a racist. not a big app but i recall when people were trying to move to that #my only savoir is cohost rn and that's only cause i know nothing about them other than u #*i love the site #shame how non of my friends are on it or active on it i'd use it a lot nore often #i'd also be very happy because i really like how it's structured #i understand that many people wont care for it cause it doesnt feed that attention dopamine #but man

[the---hermit]

How to get out of a reading slump

A while back posted a list of ten books to help you get out of a reading slump, but I also wanted to post a more general list of tips I personally think are useful when you find yourself in a reading slump. (I have also talked about this topic in this ask). So here's some of my tips:

Take a break. Sometimes you can get in reading slumps because you are burned out, maybe not just because of reading, but that can be affected as well. You have no obligations when reading (unless of course if you have to do it for school/uni, in which case I would still recommend trying to get some time off or at least slow down a bit in order to get some energies back). Sometimes accepting that you are in a non-reading place in life it's the best solution.

If you feel like it's a book you are reading that is putting you in a reading slump dnf it, or at least try to switch between that and another book. I personally tend to get stuck when I have only one book in my currently reading pile, because I need to vary often, so I like to have at the very least two books that I am currently reading. Realizing this about myself made me read much more, because I have avoided a lot of reading slumps. I'd also like to add that there's no shame in dnf-ing a book, if you are not enjoying your time with it there's no reason you should keep forcing yourself to read that. Maybe it's not the right time, and you'll enjoy it more in the future, or simply the book is not made for you, which is totally fine.

Graphic novels are a great compromise to get some reading done when you are in a reading slump, but you still want to something to read. This is specifically my solution for when I am in a reading slump caused by being burned out. Graphic novels tend to require less brain energy, and the illustrations usually help a lot with the flow of the story. I think this is the safest option when you are in the worse reading slumps.

Audiobooks are your best friends, whether you want to listen to it while doing other activities, or you want the narrator to help you while you follow the page, I feel like this is another great option. I personally love audiobooks, and I like to always have one on the go. This is again a great option if you are feeling burned out, in those cases I really like to listen to the audiobook as I take a walk, or even as I play some mindless games online like tetris, and similar things. These are also a great option to help when the book you are reading is putting you in a reading slump but you really have to read it. I have used audiobooks a lot in high school to help when I had to read poems or big classics.

Short story collections can be one of the best options to get back into reading. These take off the pressure of being consistent in order to remember things, because you can pick them up and leave them as you like, since most stories won't be over 25 pages usually. There's also some great options of collections that include multiple genres, which can be very helpful when you are stuck and don't really know what you want to read.

Fairytales and kid's books might not come to mind as soon as you think of what to read, but they can be very helpful to get you out of reading slumps. They are short and lighthearted which are two fundamental characteristics of good books to get you back into reading. And rivisiting some childhood favourites is always a great choice in my opinion.

Reread an old favourite or a comfort book. I know some people don't love revisiting old favourites, but I personally love them. You always get something new out of the story, and rereading a plot you know already can take off a lot of the pressure of reading, because you don't have to pay the same attention as with a story you know nothing about. This can be very helpful when getting back into the habit of reading.

Set up a cozy place to read. I am all about romanticizing the small things in life, and this is a very effortless way to put you into a good mindset to read. I personally like to light a few candles, make myself a nice cup of tea, maybe get a little treat to eat, cuddle up under a blanket and just read. Of course your set up might change depending on your preferences, just have a little fun with it, you could even try to read a bit while you are taking a bath.

Try to read outside. Similarly to the last tip, changing your enviroiment can be helpful sometimes. Some people like to read in a cafè, but you could also go in your garden if you have one or in a park.

Consume bookish content. This might seem stupid at first but sometimes seeing other people be excited about reading and books is very motivating. It has personally helped me several times.

Start a buddy read with a friend you feel comfortable with. Sharing your thoughts with someone as you read a book can keep the motivation up and a buddy read can be a great option to help with motivation, but be sure that you are comfortable with this person so that you don't feel too pressure upon you. Be clear from the beginning set a small goal and have fun with your buddy.

At the moment these are all the tips that came to my mind when thinking about getting out of a reading slump. Of course different people might have different methods, but changing things up can always be helpful. As I said at the beginning you shouldn't feel pressure when reading, and if it's a no reading moment in your life there's not shame in it, but I have also been stuck in reading slumps where I actually did want to read but I couldn't bring myself to do so, and many of these things helped me.

original posts/tips masterlist

#this has been in my drafts for months but i finally edited it #idk why it took me so long #how to get out of a reading slump #reading slump #reading slump tips #tips #reading #studyblr #bookblr #booklr #bookish #reading tips #og post #study tips #original post #books #mine #the---hermit

[true-blue-sonic]

What is even the point of Silver living in the future? It’s not his future anymore and he has no friends or family there. There’s nothing for him there. Now that he has precognition he should just live in Sonic’s time and get visions of disasters. 

Seriously there’s no point in his future or time travel. We’ll never see it, Silver only cares about the state of it and he can only go to Sonic’s time anyway.

I find this an interesting question myself. The best answer I can give as to why Silver keeps returning to the future is that him being from the future is "his thing", just like how having PK is "his thing". It's just something very much intertwined with his character; basically every bio he has makes mention of it, for example. But I also agree with the notion that him being from the future opens up some issues. I've seen statements that it is difficult to make Silver relevant if he must travel to the past every time, for example, which I don't disagree with (but for me, the same could then be said about Blaze and the Sol Dimension or Knuckles and the Master Emerald). Adding to that, I do not believe we know for certain if its state is generally 'destroyed' or 'saved' and if Silver grew up in a destroyed world (said in multiple bios) or a good one (I'd argue that is implied in Rivals 1, with Eggman Nega almost certainly having stolen the camera from someone else and Onyx Island being both a paradise and having developed industry on it that I do not believe Angel Island currently has). Furthermore, the Rivals games are also not very consistent to me about if the future has actually gotten rewritten or not (but it tentatively seems to lean that way, since Silver says at the end of Rivals 2 he hopes the new future is a happy one), and we legit just do not know how its alleged destruction goes. Does Silver indeed intervene before something bad can happen, or does the future actively turn bad before his very eyes and he goes back in time to undo that again? I am truly not certain if there's ever been a clear-cut answer from a credible source, though I am pretty sure there's multiple conflicting explanations from non-credible ones... but that really doesn't help make things clear. And lastly, we also do not know what he has in his own era when it comes to friends and family, nor is it ever clearly shown or said how he time-travels in any game other than '06. With all that combined I can see why having him return again and again gets... well, confusing, haha!

In that regard, I also feel there is merit in the idea of him just staying for good in the past. His friends are there, it's consistently where the action happens anyway, and Team Sonic Racing indeed hints at him having a sense of precognition. The Japanese version actually dives into it more, with Silver asking himself at the very end when Eggman's battleship is going down if that is what was causing his bad/nagging feelings. Considering he was necessary there to help carry people and racecars off it to safety, it does imply to me that that scene might have intended to show it as a genuine skill of his. Shame the English version cuts that moment out entirely. So yeah, the point of Silver being in the future is, to the best of my explanations, legit just the fact that's how he has been conceptualised, making it "his thing". But it does cause confusions for me, because of how much there is not clearly explained and all the contradictory information out there from non-game sources. I think having Silver stay in the past for good could make for a nice move on Sega's part, assuming it is within his own decisions (so not forced by A ThingTM that is entirely unexplained to us and removes all his agency, for example). I think it'd be a nice resolution for Silver to see his heart lays in the past, and he can still protect his own world from there too!

#*A Thing*TM is a reference to that Fast Friends Forever website that said Silver travels to the past with portals these days btw #How. Why. What are these portals. Where do they come from. Who is making them. How do they manage to send Silver to the right time- #-in the past when disaster is striking and why are they apparently also totally cool with him going Extreme Gear racing. #bonus points for Silver in the games never having indicated that it is not *himself* sending himself to the past #and a Sonic Channel artwork from way back in the day saying he uses Chaos Control #*and* the comics suddenly writing that Silver cannot control his time-travelling (which directly makes them contradicts themselves on top: #in issue 12 Silver says he is staying in the past as he does not think the real threat is gone; aka actively sticking around by choice- #-which to me does not at all imply that he cannot control his time-travelling for whatever reason.) #but it is contradictory information from various non-game sources like these about topics the games do not explain properly or extensively- #-that do make things more unclear‚ I would say #I myself try to stick to the games as best I can with Sonic Channel as further source‚ but the problem there is there's just not a lot said #definitely things implied clear enough (like Silver just being able to go to the past whenever he wants) but not explicitly shown #and to add to that: I don't think Silver is *important* enough of a character for Sega to begin changing him up in such a way to begin with #I do not think him having the resolution of staying in the past would add something to a story‚ because he is hardly in any focus anyway #so unless we get a story wherein he plays a huge role and gets much attention‚ I doubt anything in this situation will change.😅 #silver the hedgehog

[owlbelly]

body thoughts (fatness, self-image, social dynamics, etc.)

just coming out of a period of dealing with more intense internalized fatphobia, which happens pretty regularly when my stress over other things goes through the roof (it's an extremely frustrating "coping" mechanism because it is absolutely not coping & in fact makes everything worse, but it is a thing my brain does, this rerouting of uncertain stress into certain self-shaming)

& it's weird to emerge from it, even though i always do, for the past 12-13 years since i actively committed to deprogramming from diet culture & engaging really intentionally with fat lib. i have some tried & true methods of helping myself - the most effective one is to really up my intake of photos of fat people, especially queer/trans fat people, living joyfully & being loved (the photography of Shoog McDaniel is my lifeline), because it helps me reconnect to the idea of myself as a whole person & my fat body as natural, complex, awe-inspiring/beautiful/striking/impressive/whatever-i'm-good-with-feeling

i spent a LOT of my fat life (which is not my whole life - i'd say i was an "average" child, increasingly "chubby" as a teen & finally "small" fat in college - now in my mid-30s i am definitely fat, but also much more aware of myself in the spectrum as being on the upper end of mid-fat or the lower end of large fat) - even after getting into fat lib! - hiding from photos & avoiding mirrors. i have also, for my entire life, most often been the fattest person my social circle, which has extremely skewed my self-perception & made me feel very consistently conspicuous. i think this has a bit to do with the general class/race dynamics of the places i've lived but it could also just be shitty luck. at this point i am craving in-person friendship with people my own size & not sure how to go about facilitating that as i am pretty fucking exhausted by social events & also not really up for just hanging out with a bunch of college kids (which is most of the valley scene)

i think i'm also just carrying around a lot of grief over how forcibly disconnected i've been from my own body via growing up with a fucked up relationship to food, a fucked up relationship to sex & desirability (first ever experiences were non-consensual/abusive, my fat/trans/disabled body is culturally devalued/dehumanized), a fucked up relationship to movement (diet culture & fatphobia make "exercise", sports, dance, etc. inaccessible or actively hostile to me, sometimes i can't move anyway due to pain/fatigue even if the environment is good). like when i see people who seem to be enjoying their bodies in an uncomplicated way (which is probably impossible so we'll say less complicated way) i get so fucking jealous & sad. i've been trying to work on it but i think i still mostly just dissociate from my body a lot of the time, which means when someone takes a picture of me & i see it there's usually an element of shock & i'm so tired of it. i'm so tired.

anyway i was at a workshop recently where folks were taking pictures of us & a friend sent me one of me & i actually liked it, which is how i know i'm coming out of the rut - i looked at all the pictures from that workshop & yeah, there i was being the fattest person in the group (though not the only fat person thankfully) & looking like myself & it was fine. good even. but god what wouldn't i fucking give to be in one of Shoog's photoshoots with a bunch of other queer/trans fat people. what wouldn't i give to experience just enjoying my body without the hooks of fatphobia constantly ripping me apart. i used to think i could experience that if i somehow managed to get thin & now i know that's such a rancid fucking lie - if i did i would still spend the rest of my life in terror of regaining weight & i would still be obsessively measuring myself against some ridiculous ideal. i figured out years ago that the only way out of this is to completely let go of trying to control the shape of my body - to make my goal just caring as best i can for the body i have - and it's been the same thing as letting go of gender for me. i am so much happier & freer without it, and also there's such a huge fucking target on my back because of it. internally i am more often at peace & externally i am more often at risk. i don't regret making that trade but oh my fucking god what if people could just live free!!!!!!!!!

#do i even have a personal tag i can't remember #on my old blog it used to be “rambling thoughts” #guess it can still be that #rambling thoughts #fatphobia #fat liberation #long post #idk sometimes it's just good to write shit out. i missed that about tumblr #love that i can make things unrebloggable now

[icedmetaltea]

just tiny vent(?) about discord hopping and weird interactions last night

giugrjlfdsohgyurfbdknjcmxls I thought I'd finally found a cool discord server, had some ups and downs but the ppl didn't seem that bad... oof last night tho?? Went into one voice chat and instead of watching a movie like they announced it was some political talk with one guy talking about how much he hated white ppl, which could've been funny but idk the entire talk just felt... eerie. Like everybody was incredibly passive aggressive but trying to play it off as jokes. Not to mention I was basically being ignored in no mic chat. Which isn't uncommon but it sure feels isolating, especially when the convo already feels like ppl who are already a group of like 3 friends and don't want others barging in (they put out an announcement in general chat so I know it was open to anyone)

So I left but then another guy invited me to a movie stream so we started watching Saw, that's all fine and dandy, then another guy came and was talking basically throughout the whole movie, rendering it impossible to pay attention to. He also kept bringing up the fact that I was nonbinary (he kept pestering me abt whether I was a guy or girl so I finally told him that) and made a joke about computers cause haha binary get it get it. Then made us promise not to tell anyone and went on about how he found this hot lady who was MARRIED with KIDS and sending him tiddy pics and he wanted to bang her and we were like pls no. Pls no. But like at that point I'd already promised not to say shit to the mods who were asleep anyway so it made the whole rest of the movie so awkward... he kept making weird jokes, one about necrophilia and a ton of other weird sex jokes non stop, and on top of it all he asked if he could friend me and I had to joke it off...

Yea I left the server after a sleep to clear my head cause that whole thing just left a rlly bad taste in my mouth. Idk cause the fact that guy was a regular member and nobody had banned him by now??? Nah

SOoooooo the discord search starts all over again ; -; Shame bc it's so hard to find 18+ servers that are sfw and have decent activity you know??

#irl stuff #discord hopping whoop whoop #Metaltea talks #vent

[hard--headed--woman]

Hi, sorry to bother you- how did you talk to your family about radfem principles? My mom is a liberal feminist. Particularly on the trans rights issue, I don't know how to feel anymore. One of my friends was significantly more happy when they came out as trans, and so I feel like I see the 'mental health' aspect before my own eyes. I think none of the trans people I know would ever be a danger to women in bathrooms, either. But that being said, I've never had a feminine feeling in my life and I don't think I'm non-binary either (although maybe the knowledge that I'm not is the self-identification??). I think maybe the difference between a gnc woman and a trans man is just profound discomfort with your body from a young age, and maybe then it can be appropriate to live as a woman. But I also don't think lesbians should be shamed for not wanting to have sex with a trans woman either. I'm very stuck at this point and I'd like to talk to my mom about it without looking like a bigot (but if you have any of your own comments to add on this ideological tension please give them).

Hello! I'm glad you came to talk to me about it. I'll try my best to help you, you can send me another ask if you have something to add after that!

I guess it was easier for me since my mom (this amazing woman) shares many of my radfem beliefs. I wouldn't call her a radfem because she's not involved in activism and still disagrees with some radfems ideas, but she agrees with me on trans/gender issues (in the radfem way, not the conservative way), prostitution, porn, and a lot of other things. She has always supported JK Rowling, criticized gender ideology, etc. So when I realized I was gender critical, I just started to talk about it with her and there was nothing complicated. I don't talk about it with my dad, because he's anti gender too but I know we would end up disagreeing and arguing over many gender critical subjects.

The only person I kind of had to introduce my ideas too is my little sister. She has a lot of radfem beliefs, and is critical of a lot of things about gender ideology (she doesn't think lesbians can like trans women for example) so it was easier too, but I still have to be careful because she is still pro trans. To be able to talk about it with her, I just randomly started to ask questions about gender, transgenderism, gender ideology, etc. I would ask her why we should allow trans women in our bathrooms, why was it considered ok to allow kids to transition, why made a trans woman/man a woman/man, etc... And it leads us to conversations, debates, which can be very interesting !

The reason why I say that is because I think that's the best way to start talking about gender ideology/radical feminism with someone who's a TRA/libfem. You can calmly ask questions, say some facts, or innocent sentences. "Calmly" is very important, talk about it like it's just a random conversation and you're just genuinely curious, not like you want to argue. They probably won't think you're a bigot if you just seem genuinely interested and ready to keep the chat friendly, and the debate will be much more pleasant and interesting.

Sometimes (many of my friends) people start agreeing with radical feminism/gender critical feminism thanks to these debates, or they at least learn about the awful sides of their ideology and start to stand up against these, and that's very important ! I feel like we should all have more conversations aboutit with our family, friends...

For the rest, well, I am a GNC lesbian (not out to my family) and I think there's no objective difference between a trans man and a lesbian/GNC woman/ or just woman. There are no criterias, it's just a choice. You decide if you want to identify as trans or not.

Which means women can feel profound discomfort with their bodies, having gender dysphoria, hating being lesbians, etc... without identifying as trans. Some women identify as trans men without feeling any of this. There are no rules. Being trans is nothing but a choice.

What makes you a woman or a man is your biological sex. That's why lesbians can't like trans women - trans women are men.

And to finish this, I believe that yes, at first it can feel better to come out as trans but I don't feel like it really last. At the beginning, yeah, but I think then it makes things worse, because you realize that you will never really be a woman/man no matter how hard you try. Nothing will never be enough. And for trans people, this idea and feeling can be hard to handle. Just my opinion, of course !

Anyway, I don't know your mom, but I think you could just start asking questions, giving your opinion when she replies, calmly, or even play dumb - that works everytime. See where the conversation go then, and you might be able to talk about everything after that.

My box is open of you have other things to say <3

#anon #asks

[plenilune]

extremely long rambling about the horrible state of my brain and the thing it's stuck cycling on THIS time under the cut. actually I mostly wrote this over like two days a week ago and decided it was too vulnerable and too incoherent to post but I have to get it out of me so I can move on to the next bit of it (in theory).

so here's the thing I'm unpacking right now on a very basic level of "what is a c-ptsd thing I might have that might be one of the the things actively ruining my life right now and how do I recognise it and do something useful about it" is that a lot of my extremely harmful learned coping/survival mechanisms revolve around feeling safe in my home. not safe as in free from physical violence -- I've never had to be afraid of that. for me "home not being safe" means that my home is a hostile place, which also means that my own life and mind are a hostile place, because I only have one place to go, and I'm not welcome there. but I'm trapped there. and I have to stay in this place that hates and resents my presence, and live my life under the cold sick shadow of it. and you can't escape in your mind when it's that constant. you begin to feel as though escape, as though not giving into to the loathing and disapproving of home, is immoral and disgusting.

I thought, trying to catalogue it, that I meant -- oh the last ten years, my multiple couches in New York, some hostile, some tolerant but where I was clearly an intrusion; moving back in with my parents and sleeping on the couch and being In The Way and A Burden again; the brief time living with Corey's emotionally abusive parents and the months we couch-surfed after that, and the bad relationship a few years ago that, while I didn't live with them, created or recreated the same type of feelings for various complex reasons.

but I do very much... mean most of my childhood. not that it was all spent like this -- most of the time it was not -- but when I did something, when I misbehaved or showed disrespect or laziness or had a sensory meltdown or panic attack that got categorised as a tantrum or just, was too happy or frivolous or spoiled when one of my parents was particularly in pain about or exhausted by their own life and trauma, the atmosphere of the house... would change. it wasn't that I shouldn't be there, because I was a child or a non-driving teenager and homeschooled and had no friends and couldn't afford to be part of outside hobbies, it was that I needed... to exist within its disapproval. to feel shame and repentance. to be out of the way, but modelling... humility, or something. it's very difficult to describe. I'm not quite getting it right. I keep hoping I'll find a memoir or a personal essay by someone who has experienced the same thing, someone who's better and sharper with words than I am, so I'll have a way to describe it. I needed to be small and Wrong. to exist without self-soothing, just wrapped around that sense of shame and repentance for whatever I'd done or been, so it was clear I understood it and wasn't trying to get out of really feeling my own fallibility.

the thing is, there also wasn't -- a punishment for going against this. my parents were mostly fairly clear-headed and predictable about deliberate punishments. (genuinely, I think this, even if about half the punishments were for things they refused to recognise as neurodivergence or genuine pain or things I "should" have been able to do that I refused to, or not being able to stop a "defiant" behaviour.) the punishment was just continued overwhelming psychic hostility, until my parents got distracted by something else and forgot that I was supposed to be Being Wrong. so I never learned to self-soothe after chastisement, to take something to heart and then soothe and come back up ready to do better. in fact the entire concept of self-soothing after being chastised still feels, though I intellectually know it isn't, morally unacceptable. partially because I don't know how to do it while still letting myself humbly take to heart criticism when it is valid. being kind and letting myself come up out of that place of shame and guilt and needing to fix or help or apologise or make good with someone else is just letting myself off the hook. (and because I don't know how to do it I feel I have to err on the side of, making sure I am being good to people who have come to me saying, "this thing you did upset me" or "you did this incorrectly"! because I don't want to become the sort of person who refuses to accept criticism or blame because it makes them feel too bad and they can't deal with it! that type of person has hurt me IMMEASURABLY and I am terrified of becoming them!!!)

but: if the person who controls your home thinks you're Bad, you are OBLIGATED to live within that feeling until they tell you that you can stop.

I mean, you can see where this already heads into some warped territory. while I have been in too many living situations that repeated this sense of hostility, my brain has also assumed every other situation is also like this, because it is my brain's understood and trained normal. so while Corey would never emotionally punish me for saying something hurtful or doing something shitty, OR doing something I PERCIEVE as shitty and unacceptable like, being hungry at an inconvenient time or silently pushing myself past physical or social limitations until suddenly I snap (NOT a requested or encouraged behaviour, just one I do all the time because of, fucked up brain and an inability to see my needs as important or necessary), I don't know how to... work outside of that framework? so I panic and start abusing myself the way I have been trained to do. I know the person who I have just wronged wants to see me abased. I feel like an animal in a trap, to use a very well-worn simile. I am suddenly terrified and in pain and I have to get out. I will do anything for you if you'll just forgive me. please give me a specific ritual punishment to enact so that when the ritual punishment is complete I know the hostile fog will be lifted and I will be allowed to Be again instead of receiving no direction and just having to fumble through the fog that hates me trying to figure out the behaviour I have to do to make it stop.

(oh my god I've never actually been very into scene-based BDSM but in a moment of incredible cliche I have... suddenly understood a lot of things about it. yeah, I do see how that can be healing and/or soothing, actually.)

(I've also subconsciously been thinking of every situation like this -- my workplace, interlocking friend groups, etc. even if they're not particularly important to me, emotionally (I Do Not Care about anyone at work even if I mostly like them all right) I can't risk being exiled or having to stay in that space while under the Hostility forever.)

the other part of the equation is that when Home is hostile, my uncomplicated pleasure is a sin. I can't make a good meal, because I don't deserve it. I can't read a book, because it's frivolous and I don't deserve it. I can't enjoy being outside, because I should hate myself and I don't deserve it. I should do chores but I also won't do them right and anyway I don't deserve an uncluttered space or a balcony garden or clean clothes. if I trigger the Hostility through my poor behaviour I essentially ground myself from all positive feelings -- not just emotions but all positive sensations that don't have a little tag on them that reads "but also don't forget you need to hate yourself". so I have to be hypervigilant to avoid accidentally triggering the Hostility through some word or action or gesture, the wrong interest, the wrong belief, the wrong opinion. also, even if I'm not hurting anyone, the actual person I am not trying to Be something for the people around me is so irritating and unrelatable and bizarre that it might as well be immoral and harmful. I can only be loved and in community if I become palatable, if I become correctly shaped.

again, I cannot stress enough how much my relationship with Corey is NOT LIKE THIS -- but my brain thinks all relationships are like this. if I am too much myself, if I am loose and open, if I don't pay attention all the time, if I don't make myself the shape the other person most wants that fulfills every one of their needs asked and unasked, it's very likely that I'll do or say something Awful. and then nowhere is safe for me to be.

or -- if I express the wrong joy or interest or pursuit that thing will be very subtly sneered at or disapproved of or called into question as frivolous and suspect for the rest of my life. a thread of my childhood I hesitate to pursue because the only thing I have to rely on about it is my own juvenile memories, which aren't very good, and are often fragmented, and I don't want to create a harm that I mostly made up.

and, because of the bad relationship in which several times a week longstanding elements of my personality were called into question and I was informed they were hurtful and bad, or the ways in which I expressed my interests or talked about myself or talked about my interests, or the ways in which I related to others, the ways in which I tried to show love or support, the ways in which I tried to respond to others' (their) stated needs, were all hurtful and bad, I am now doubly terrified of this in every friendship and relationship. I got to thinking that I am inherently hurtful and I've gone on like this so long that I have no idea how to begin relearning every aspect of myself so as not to be inherently toxic and unlovable. and because many of these things did, I think, contain grains of truth -- I am undersocialised and a prickling mess of trauma responses! I have hurt or confused others many times! I don't understand people or how to effectively communicate with them! genuinely! -- it's that much more difficult to see anything but 'I am inherently hurtful and can never let my guard down around anyone because I will hurt them with my Self'.

this went dormant and regular for a while but it all... got a lot worse, recently. lobster in a pot etc worse, I didn't realise how much worse my brain was steadily getting till I was trapped in this BOIL all the time, my brain always screaming. I looked up one day and realised I was obsessively guarding all impulsive and whimsical behaviour around my partner in case they found it stupid or annoying, no longer fully mirroring their own whimsical behaviour because I was afraid of exercising mine, obsessively hiding what I was reading or watching or listening to so it wouldn't be laughed at, feeling guilty for doing anything at all. and they have done nothing to cause this, genuinely. but in the way of things, now that there's no ongoing crisis (we have safe housing that's not about to be sold out from under us, both of our jobs are stressful but sustainable for now and paying us enough money we don't have to be scared of rent day or of buying enough food to eat even if we're still pinching pennies, we are not currently embroiled in a mutual relationship that is demanding insane shit of us, we are not in the middle of complex friend group problems having to mediate, okay there is very much a fucking pandemic but that's become background noise after two years!!!!!) other than the war in my brain, the war in my brain has decided that after years of having to cede to larger problems it is going to Become The Larger Problem. which I have been told is, how trauma works. but right now it is extremely bad!

anyway I will probably cycle back to this yet again and try to describe more aspects of the Hostility and my lifelong coping mechanisms developed to avoid having to be exiled from my own life and sense of self because now I see it everywhere and I can't believe it's gone on this long ruining everything all the time and I'm just now seeing some of the shape of it. but I've got to get something out. which is this mess. so.

#the diary #mental illness #unpacking the worst suitcase

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I don't know if you've read/watched IT, but if you have, how might you think a crossover between IT and Animorphs would go? (Either IT characters in Animorphs or Animorphs characters in IT--I'd be equally interested in either)

Cassie’s hand has gone cold around the phone.  Distantly, she realizes that it’s still held to her ear.  That she has yet to move, even though the line is dead.

“Cass?” Ronnie says from the bedroom doorway.  “Honey, what’s wrong?”  He sounds scared.  More than just on her behalf.

Cassie gets calls when the truly bad things happen, before almost anyone else.  She was the first to hear about the Missouri tornado that left 143 dead.  About the domestic terrorist who blew up the Dominican-Catholic church in Arkansas.

In its own way, this is worse.  Or it has the potential to be.

“I have to get to Los Angeles,” she says, dropping the phone.  Her hands shake as she wrenches open the closet.  Drops a duffle on the bed.  Grabs clothes at random to stuff them inside.  “The town itself is an hour north, but if I fly into LAX then…”  She loses track of the sentence.  Gives up on it.

There aren’t words, she knows, to explain to Ronnie what’s happening right now.  Not her gentle Ronnie.  Ronnie has reported on active war zones.  But still he can’t know.  Not really.

“Cass, you’re meeting the president tomorrow,” he says.  “You can’t just go to California—”

“She’ll have to wait.”  Jerking the zipper shut, Cassie swings the bag onto her shoulder.  “I’ll explain when I get back,” she says.  “I love you.  More than you know.”

They send Menderash in, after an hour.  Technically it’s been an hour and a half since they patched in the civilian call to their commanding officer, but Captain Aximili was only audible on the phone for about twenty minutes.  Normally they wouldn’t intervene at all, but they’ve got a bomber exercise in less than an hour and the admiral’s on board right now.  In a way, Menderash is honored to be sent.  It’s the closest anyone has ever come — can ever come — to acknowledging him and Ax for what they are.  Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is gone, but that doesn’t mean that U.S. Navy commanders can date their captains.  Regardless of gender.

“Sir?”  Menderash sounds tentative even to himself.

Ax is staring at the far wall, back turned to the door.  He stiffens, but still doesn’t turn.  “Did I ever tell you I had a brother?” Ax asks.

“No,” Menderash says, “I don’t think you ever mentioned that.”  Which is strange, and verges on hurtful — they’ve been together for over five years.

“It ate him.”

“What?” Menderash steps forward.

“The thing that killed him.”  Ax’s voice is robotic.  Out of place with the tears on his cheeks.  “It ate his body.  No.”  He swallows, throat working.  “Not his body.  He was still alive, when it started eating.  He fought it, my friends said.  To the last.  Did so to try and save them.  He was still fighting.  Still struggling.  When it.”  A wet breath.  “It.”

“Was this… recently?”

“What?”  Ax turns, seeming to see him for the first time.  “No, of course not.  It all happened twenty-seven years ago.”

“Is that why you’ve never mentioned him before?” Menedrash ventures.

“No.”  Ax swallows again.  “It’s just that I’ve been away from that place for too long.  I began to adjust to this version of reality.  I began to forget just how bad it became, that place where we came from.”

Menderash dares to put a hand on his arm now.  To pull him close enough to get him into the light, at the very least.  “Where is that?”

“I can’t tell you,” Ax says.  “It’s too dangerous.”

“Ax…”

“I’m scared,” Ax whispers.  The admission is almost as foreign as the tears.  “I must go back there, Menderash.  I must, if I want justice for my brother, and I…”  He closes his eyes, jaw clenched.  “I’m not sure that I’ve ever been more scared in my life.”

Marco is… Honestly, Collette’s not sure what Marco is right now, just that something is definitely happening to him.  He’s ping-ponging through his office with frantic aimlessness, muttering to himself, hair flying in all directions.

“Your plane’s all prepped and ready to go,” she says.

“Collette!”  He whirls around.  “As I live and breathe.  You ever have one of those moments, when, like, reality just—”  He snaps.  “Fuckin falls away.  No, not reality.  This is not reality.  Reality is the thing that comes out of nowhere and—”  He makes a motion like an airplane zooming through the air.  “Bam!  Takes you off your feet.  Everything you thought you knew, all gone in an instant.  Because it’s all illusion.  Reality is reasserting itself, that’s what it is.  Twenty-seven years, just gone!  Like it’s all been a daydream all along.  And guess what?  Big Jake’s calling to wake you up!”  He grins maniacally.  “Have you seen my glasses anywhere?”

Collette doesn’t say but you don’t wear glasses.  She’s been in Hollywood long enough to know that there are plenty of celebrities who never wear their glasses, or retainers, or leg braces anywhere they might be seen.  She’s a talent agent who uses a wheelchair.  She’s seen it all.  “Bend down,” she says instead.

Marco whips his head forward so that she can see the top of it.  In the process, his glasses go flying out of his hair and clatter on the floor.  She hadn’t meant for him to bend over quite that hard, but at least now he knows where they are.

“Ah yes, a million thank yous!”  Marco goes scrambling across the carpet after them.

“What did you take?” Collette asks him.  She didn’t think Marco was a cokehead, but then she didn’t think he needed glasses until ten seconds ago.

“Three Xanax, half a handle of vodka, and my entire stash of pot cookies,” he declares.  “And look at me.”  He spreads his arms.

She takes his point.  He’s speaking clearly, forming full sentences.  He looks… well, not sober, but also not as though he’s had anything relaxing in the last few hours.  “Fine,” she says.  “But I’m still driving you to the airfield.”

“Don’t go,” Melissa says.  Tobias stiffens where he stands, but he doesn’t put his suitcase down.

“I don’t have a choice,” he whispers, shame and smallness.

“Don’t be ridiculous—”  She blows out a breath.  “Be safe,” she says instead.  “Be here.  Forget the past.  Let somebody else…”

“Die in my place?” Tobias asks.  This is so unlike him, to be even this angry.

“If this Jake person thinks it’s so dangerous there, why doesn’t he just leave?” she asks quickly.

Now Tobias does look over his shoulder.  “The fact that you’re asking at all…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence.  He just pulls the door closed behind him, and clicks the latch into place with infinite care.

“Are you sure?” Rachel demands into the phone.

Jake doesn’t answer.  He wouldn’t be calling if he wasn’t sure.

“Fuck.”  She slams a hand against the drywall.  “Fuck.”

“You don’t have to come,” he says.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”  She hangs up.

“Rachel?” Jordan says, watching wide-eyed from across the room.

“It’s nothing.”  Rachel pulls her lips back into a not-smile.  “It’s fine.”

“The thing that took Saddler… that took Tom…  It’s back, isn’t it?” Jordan asks.

Rachel hadn’t thought she knew.  Had thought her sisters believed the story about Saddler’s car accident, about Tom’s running away.

“No,” Rachel says.  “Of course not.  That’d be impossible.”

Jake doesn’t know who told David, or how.  All he does know is that he couldn’t have timed the phone call worse if he’d tried.

David’s widow’s cell phone goes off smack in the middle of his eulogy.  Her ringtone, as it so happens, is the Bee Gees’ hit single “Stayin’ Alive.”

“So.”  Marco rubs his hands together, looking around the table.  “Let the thirty-somethingth non-annual meeting of the Losers’ Club… commence!”

“Are we?” Rachel asks.  She looks around at them as well.  “Losers, that is.”

“She’s right,” Tobias says.  “Marco’s on the Hollywood A-list.  Ax-Man has, like, a dozen military awards.  I’ve got three different pieces in MOMA, Rachel’s book about… what was it, Being a Badass Bitch Boss?  That was number-one in the country for over a month.  Cassie’s freakin’ Secretary of State.  And…”  He comes to Jake, and trails off.  There’s an awkward pause.

“The county library’s still open,” Jake offers.  “In spite of the mayor’s best efforts to the contrary.”

“No kids, though,” Cassie points out.  “For any of us.  Not even David.”

“Why would we ever bring children into this world, knowing what we do?” Ax says softly.  “Oooh.  D.  Do.”

There’s another silence.  No one disagrees.

“Anyway.”  Rachel pulls them back in.  “I’m just saying, we’ve come a long way from being the kids that only hung together because no one else would hang out with us.”

Cassie was the only black kid in town.  Rachel and Jake came from the only Jewish family.  Tobias had been the odd dreamy kid with his head in the clouds, Ax the one with a tendency to repeat sounds.  Marco had just never known when to keep his mouth shut, not even when doing so would have been a survival tactic.  Small towns could be brutal, even the ones that didn’t have sadistic gods at their hearts.

But they’d found each other, entirely by accident.  And together, they’d taken on that god.  Because back then, they were too young and stupid to know just how screwed they were.

Jake outlines the grim facts.  Fourteen disappearances, two known deaths in this last year.  No adults in town paying any attention.  The local youth organization might be actively recruiting sacrifices for this thing, or at the very least looking the other way.

“So what’s the plan?” Marco asks.  “Same as last time, we all cower behind Rachel as she takes this thing on with a slingshot and half a dozen ball bearings?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”  Rachel smirks.  “Kind of.”  The smile fades.  “For a while, anyway.”

“It takes power from fear.”  Cassie cups both hands around her mug, hunching close to the fading warmth of the coffee.  “We can’t let it force us to run or hide.  We have to face it.  We have to be brave.”

“Yep.”  Marco pushes away from the table.  “Tell that to David.  Or to any of the kids who got torn to shreds.  That’s fuckin peachy, ‘don’t be afraid.’”

“We have to do something,” Jake says.  “It killed Ax’s brother.”

Funny, Cassie thinks, how they always bring up Ax’s brother, but never Jake’s.  Maybe because Alan’s death was simple, in its own way, a clear self-sacrifice.  Tom didn’t get anything as glorious as death in battle.  It ate Tom from the inside.  Sucked at and corrupted his soul until he was unrecognizable.  Not even himself anymore.  Until Rachel’d had no choice but to put him out of all their misery.  Not a clean death.  Not the kind of thing you could sum up in a single sentence.

There are other slow deaths like Tom’s, even more than the fast ones like what Al got.  David was starting to go, Tobias thinks, even before he got out of town.  One too many times he turned and ran from the thing instead of facing it with the rest of them.  Once or twice he even tried to bargain with it.  Tobias didn’t blame him, not once it’d taken David’s parents and started parading them in front of his eyes.

In parallel with those thoughts, Tobias finds himself rubbing fingertips along the right side of his stomach.  The scars faded, and yet now they’re livid again.  One shaped like an A.  One like an N.  Andy Mitchell only got through carving the D in his name before Jake got there in time to save Tobias.

Not in time to save Andy, though.  He was gone by the end of the day.  Missing, with no one left to look.  No one even to comment on his being gone.

A-N-D, carved into Tobias’s skin.  A transition.  The middle of a thought.  The only sign he’d needed, if he’d ever thought to look for one, that this thing isn’t over.  That maybe it’ll never be.

“It’s a thought-form,” Jake says.  He sounds confident.  He almost feels it, too.  Looking around at these successful adults who grew from the hopelessly awkward kids he knew, he starts to think that maybe, just maybe, they can find a way to live through this.  “So we fight it like Cassie said, just by fighting back at all.”

“Thanks for the motivational speech.”  Marco is clutching the plastic gun in both hands.  It’s a toy — and yet, twenty-seven years ago, it fired real bullets at that freak clown.  “What a day, what a lovely day to die.”

They’re walking toward the sewer entrance, heads held high.  Palms damp with sweat.  Because they have no choice.  Because it’s what must be done.

“What are you even doing here?” Tobias asks.  He’s got a baseball bat dragging at his side.  It was his mother’s.  No one knows for sure what happened to her, but then that’s true of a lot of people in this town.  No one knows, and yet some of them can guess.

“He is here because he must be,” Ax says.  “And so must we all.  Aaah-wwlll.”  That’s new, the playing with sounds.  In the sense that it’s old.  Like so much of them, it faded and then returned.

Rachel is walking close, too close, to Tobias’s side.  They keep exchanging charged glances.  All of them are regressing to childhood all over.  Or maybe it’s just that they had to become their own adults, back when they first faced this monster, and it never really wore off.

“I’m here,” Marco says tightly, “because all my life, I’ve never had friends like I did when I was thirteen.”  He laughs.  “Jesus, does anyone?”

Rachel slips her hand into Tobias’s.  On her other side, she’s holding Cassie, who’s holding Ax.  That’s the weapon, Jake thinks.  The one they’ll swing and shoot and bash at this Joker-knockoff fucker until they put it into the ground.  For good this time.  Stomp it to so many pieces that it can never put itself back together.

Jake puts the flashlight back on his belt.  Takes Marco’s sweaty hand in his, waits for the inevitable bad one-liner about buying him dinner first.

It’s enough.  Enough to hold back the darkness.  Enough to keep them alive.  It’ll just have to be, because it’s all they have.

Together, a daisy chain of madness, they plunge into the tunnel ahead.

#animorphs #animorphs au #au fic #it #stephen king's it #animorphs crossover #it crossover #it chapter 2 #long post #irresponsible drug use #violence #gore #bullying mention #suicide mention #anonymous #asks

[squigglysquidd]

If you wanna, I'd really love to see your answers for all the OTP questions as you see it with Ares and Charles. I'll even do the same, if you want XD

Ares/Charles

1. Who is the most affectionate?

That’s definitely Charles :P

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

Ares is the biggest spoon, lol. At above average height for a turian, it’s kinda awkward if they switch even if he weren’t more dominant, and showing it with his spooning. I guess if they wanted, Charles could, but he’d get nothing but carapace in is face, lol.

3. Most common argument?

Forget me if I’m wrong, but I think they’re biggest arguments come from not communicating with each other. I wouldn’t say it’s the same argument every time, but that’s always the same reason something gets that far.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

I’d say watching vids. Even if Ares can’t sit still for too long, if he’s multitasking while they watch, then he enjoys himself.

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

Haha. I’d pay to see Charles ever try to carry Ares XD

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Physically: Charles smell. Other than that, he selfishly likes having someone stubborn enough to stick around like Charles does. He’s said once that he hasn’t had the kind of attention Charles gives in a long time, so he’s still learning to get used to it and may even outwardly react negatively because of this weakness, but Charles hangs in there like a pyjak, lol

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Hm ... This is actually a bit difficult because Ares surprisingly showed Charles a huge amount of trust the first time they ever met and even I don’t know why, but I’d like to think that Ares offering (more like forcing) to take Charles to Shanxi to kill the people who abused him is the major turning point. He doesn’t know why he cares for the little human enough to risk the unknown those killings present, but now he’s inevitably drawn back to Charles now.

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

I wouldn’t really consider it a nickname, but Ares likes to call Charles an idiot, lol

9. Who worries the most?

Charles. No question.

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

I think they both do, actually. Unless Charles decides to try something new, they both pick up on the other’s habits. Well, Charles has it easy because Ares usually orders the same things because he’s too lazy to ‘fix what isn’t broke.’

11. Who tops?

Ares, of course, but they do switch sometimes.

12. Who initiates kisses?

13. Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Charles for both

14. Who kisses the hardest?

Ares because his kisses usually lead to sex. It’s kind of like a signal to Charles what’s on his mind and what he wants without coming out and saying it directly.

15. Who wakes up first?

Ares

16. Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

I don’t know if it really suits him exactly, but I’m going to say Charles.

17. Who says I love you first?

Charles

18. Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

I’m going to say Charles would if he thought of it.

19. Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

This doesn’t really work out for these two because of their family situations. I guess if Charles considers friends family, then him, but if blood only counts, it’d be Ares simply because Charles doesn’t have any more family.

20. What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

This is kinda in the same boat as above. I’m not sure how to answer it.

21. Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Haha ... Ares don’t do no dance 

22. Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Charles. Ares just heats up what comes in a can or MRE

23. Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

I’d say Charles, though it goes over Ares’ head most times

24. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

Ares. Boy has no shame

25. Who needs more assurance?

This is kinda both of them and for the same reasons. They both need reassurances of how the other cares for them, even if they don’t come out and say it.

26. What would be their theme song?

Uh .... Maybe Closer from NIN? I haven’t really thought about it and I’m blanking on a lot of the songs on my computer

27. Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Children? Ew .... They’re sorta mentoring a kid, but I doubt he’s the kind of kid to need or seek out help sleeping

28. What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Ares usually goes radio silent, sending really terse messages when he can and Charles pines like a sap, lol

29. one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

I have one that’s a spoiler, but other than that, it’s how they can’t seem to convince the other they truly love them. There’s always that question and it kills me that they’re too stubborn and guarded to say anything on one side and afraid of losing the other on the other side

30. one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

I like to see the little times they unknowingly show each other that they love one another. It’s little things like Charles getting into Ares’ space and Ares actually letting him, and not just ignore him doing it. It’ll happen when they finally see it, but there’s still time.

#ares #mosiaccreme #our shared ocs #mass effect #turian oc #mosaiccreme

[hiriajuu-suffering]

Just a Reminder

Today represents one of the greatest missed opportunities I ever had growing up, though I didn't know it at the time but it's because of the trajectory both of our lives took. Why today exactly? Because that missed opportunity turns 28 today. She had been (and still does, tbh) the person I was drawn too running contrary to my normal taste and the first person I ever encountered that gave me any suggestion polyamory could be an answer.

In fact, my beliefs on interracial relationships being a moral good is a big part of why polyamory is even a part of my conception of ideal human relationships. While a relationship with her wouldn't be vastly interracial, the interreligious nature of it would have its own moral good. She might've been the only gateway I could've established a healthy cosmopolitan respect for non-Gregorian/al-Kitab belief systems to which now I just see those traditions as a symptom of macrosocial convenience.

Yet, my nature drove her away from intrigue towards me. At that time in my life, I was so embroiled in myself my mind showed above my empathy and she joked the way I spoke and thought was too far above her. I still have no way of really knowing if she ever actually found me attractive. But we both end up being stuck in the place we grew up through no real fault of our own and had very little reason to create something beyond those environments yet we actively went outside of it to seek out our own happinesses. I had a single degree of separation from all the times she threw herself at a new type of experience/person and was disappointed by how little it fulfilled her. She had a single degree of separation from me but never took any time to look my way in 13 years.

I wanted so badly for us to get close, even if a physical relationship never panned out. The whole summer she flirted with reckless abandon while the girl I was supposed to be dating was too ashamed of me to show me anywhere was telling as to what I saw in her character. I grow bored of people often but she never had problems holding my attention even when she paid me no mind. She is different and that's everything to me when there's a pattern of behavior that's morally aligned with my own. Now, ha, I'd be lucky if she even remembered who I was or even spoke to me if she did: the way she's treated me feels like she's resented me and actively wants to avoid associating with me. How wondrous it could be if we were positioned to be friends again and it would be like nothing has changed in 13 years.

In any case, happy birthday to her. I lost count of how many times I subtly asked her out 2009-2013 and she brushed it off as if I wasn't serious. I could never tell if she always thought she was better than me or couldn't keep up with me. She confuses me and that always kept me concerned about her. Maybe there's a lot less to figure out and I'm just romanticizing the idea of her, but I can't know that until it actually becomes clear to me she's just like every other Sugar Land desi; I'd be willing to bet she's not. Does a great job of appearing that way, though.

If only she gave us a real chance in any capacity to be anything but acquaintances. Idk what it is about women born in April and them being missed opportunities for me, but holy hell does it seem like a good majority of them are. I have no shame in admitting the only picture there is of us in the ether is my mildly horny 16-year old self checking out her mildly interested 15-year old self is indicative of exactly how our relationship has been since: her chasing another item of interest while I've held out a bit of hope maybe she'd look back at me to see I can be of value to her.

She's one of those people I'd do way too much for and no one should have any idea why. Maybe it's an unresolved crush, maybe it's a means of my own wish fulfillment. Seeing the facets of her soul that keeps her lingering in mind is something I truly aspire for in being stuck at home, a reason to be "home" could've resulted from it. Then again, I could say the same about many women. This one, this one was always different. And my weird way of wishing her happy birthday is posting something at column-length to a website she hasn't checked in years. Maybe this is why she never got interested: too much thought, too much concern. But I always held out hope she was never that shallow and still doubt she is.

Until we meet again, Fen.

#personal #FC #F.C.

[awed-frog]

possibly tmi but i just wanted to thank you for mentioning diva cups a few times on your blog. i'd never even HEARD of them before because womens health is just never discussed or at least never discussed well. (and when i bought mine a few months ago there was exactly one of each size because they're not even marketed! ugh) seriously though, that thing is fucking life changing. thanks :)

Hi there! That’s not TMI at all, don’t worry - I actually don’t know why we don’t discuss these things more openly. Like - I never remember anyone ever shaming me over this, and my mom was never secretive or anything, and yet I still grew up with this idea the subject was TABOO and I should never mention it to anyone and what the hell? Thankfully, a few years ago I entered into the ‘no fucks left to give’ phase of my life and I now consider the menstrual cycle a topic like any other. And the mooncup (or diva cup) changed my life so much I mostly mention it at random - like, I will bring it up if a friend is all pale and unhappy and won’t come to the swimming pool because *whispers* You know, and I even talked about it in the classroom once or twice - when you teach ancient languages, you often have more girls than boys, and there’s always that one lesson when you translate weird texts - stuff about ancient make-up, or how women are crazy because their uteri move inside their bodies. So, anyway - mooncups are awesome and everyone should give them a chance. 

Their magic powers of problem solving include -

“Shit, I’m two days early and I’m in the middle of nowhere without tampons.” (I always have a spare in my purse, and I don’t miss those days where bleeding through your pants and tying a sweater over your bum were your only option).

“Shit, it’s been seven days already and I’m out of tampons and I’m currently kayaking down the Nile, so I have no way to buy them.” (Lol.)

“I’m staying at a friend’s/at my boyfriend’s/at my in-laws’ and I’m embarrassed about leaving behind dirty pads and tampons.” (Thing is, you should NOT be embarrassed - having a period is normal and a sign of a healthy body, so just dispose of your pads and tampons properly and don’t feel bad about it - but a mooncup solves this problem, since it’s simply washed and inserted again.)

“I wish I could swim/hike/walk to the bus stop, but no pad or tampon will stop my mighty womanhood flow.” (I don’t care if you bleed 1L a minute - a mooncup will hold for at least one hour even with a heavy flow.)

“Pads are uncomfortable and I feel like a nappy-wearing toddler and also it’s 40 degrees outside and I’m sweating like a she-ghoul even down there.” (Goodbye, pads. We’re thankful for your service.)

“Tampons make my belly hurt.” (Apparently that’s a common problem, and as far as I know no one’s researched the cause - probably has to do with the fact men don’t have to deal with this. But - *gasps* - you’ll have no symptoms with mooncups. None.)

“Tampons are dangerous and I might actually die.” (That’s true. But mooncups carry no health risk.)

“Inserting a tampon makes me feel violated.” (If you’re 100% a virgin, internal thingies might not be for you, but it never hurts to try. Just put on some relaxing music, and pick a time where you can lock yourself in the bathroom for as long as you want. Mooncups are bit trickier to insert than an applicator tampon, but they’re not nearly as invasive - they sit much lower inside your vagina and fit so snugly you don’t even feel them.)

“Taking out a tampon on light flow days makes me wish I was dead.” (Yeah, I remember that feeling. Good times. Not.)

“I read a statistics about how women use up about 11K tampons in their lifetime and I wish there was a greener option.” (There is: mooncups.)

“I spend about $60 a month for tampons and pads, that’s a lot.” (A mooncup costs approximately $30 and lasts for years.)

Honestly - I’m glad you found my posts, anon, because this thing literally changed my life. I never had many period-related symptoms, but periods are annoying enough in themselves, especially if you’re active and like/need to move around. To me, a mooncup means forgetting about periods completely. You don’t feel it inside your body, you only need to change every few hours, or even daily, on a light flow, you can keep it in all night, and if you feel like it, you can even have pretty good sex (the non-penetrative kind) and neither you nor your partner will be inconvenienced at all. Girlfriends - this is a revolution, and my suggestion is - join it.

#ask #periods #menstrual cycle #menstrual cup #mooncup #feminism #if you have questions #feel free to ask me stuff #periods are nothing to be ashamed of #let's discuss them openly :)

[gaylefritzy]

Today not tomorrow, Right now not later!

What is self-empowerment and why is it important to ourselves?

My journey to Self-Empowerment did not just started when I had this subject in college. I guess the time I started being aware that I am doing this was when I started High School. Being in a Science High School is not a walk in the park. It was more like being in an Amusement Park, there are smooth rides but there are also the EXTREME rides. Also, the expectations of the people around you just builds up and up as you excel in certain areas academically and non-academically. Hell, even telling people where you go to in High School they already assume that you are something that you are not. We are collectively judged based on the name of our school and not as a person of who we really are.

That's not where it ends. My first year was really chill, well because I'm not really fully aware of the responsibilities and duties of being in that school. All I was thinking about that time was making friends, playing and trying to pass my projects within the deadline.

All hell breaks loose when I turned grade 8. It was then the teachers are instilling in us that we are to maintain such certain grade and that we are scholars and we should not put shame to our school. What we do reflects straight towards not just us individually but to the school as well. That time I also realized that my classmates and schoolmates comes from different places and different lives, trainings and upbringing. To be honest, I am culturally shocked. I considered myself to be sheltered. I am an achiever but being in private school shelters you from the brutality of the life outside. I am an introvert through and through and when I enter High School, it's like life literally slapped face so hard I had a hard time recovering.

The second year was not yet the most brutal year of being there. Though I started adjusting, I started noticing me as someone who's not a kid anymore but a person with such responsibilities. I started to also notice what I am and who I am but not to the full extent that I can answer the question what do I think is my purpose in life. I mean I'm just 15 at that time so please bear with me.

The ninth year was the formal year that I could say I started to realize I've been into the journey of finding me and empowering not just myself but others too because I became the president of a club, specifically the English Club. I've been to many clubs and extracurricular activities in grades 7and 8, I didn't realized I would be president.

The 3rd was one one of the brutal years being in a Science High School. The things we are doing are so all around that we didn't even know if this is still a High School or some training camp or something. Being a president of a club was new to me. I didn't know the ropes and what to do, my club adviser that time thought that I can do it without anyone's help. How could I run a whole damn club all by myself. That struggle right there made me see how incompetent I am as a student and as a Leader. I mean how can I do things, if I literally don't know what to do. I don't even see why those members chose me?! That year for English Club was a failure not entirely to the club since we made some passable projects but I know in me that I was a failure. It was shitty honestly. I feel like I didn't deserve to be there with them and all that.

I really have a lot on my plate that time. With all the training of research paper making, plays, projects and other stuff that we are to do. What's worse is that I know it was just bot me who's been doing all of those classes and projects. There are 87 grade 9 students whose going through it too but I just can't help but feel unworthy and a failure.

Finally 10th grade came. I was again picked out as a president of the English Club but it was not through votes but an appointment.

Grade 10 head count turned from 87 to 84 that year. The reason was unknown but it was really either they quit or they didn't reach the ceiling grade but that was not really the problem though I was sad because I knew they could make it but they chose not to and that's still fine because knowing where you will be happy and comfortable is the most important thing.

So going back, I was again the President of my Club and I promised myself that I will get revenge and do better than I did last year. This appointment was opppsed by the former English club adviser. The Event Coordinator who appointed me knew that I can do it but because of my poor performance last year this was greatly opposed. How did I knew about this? Well there was an open letter about the discussion of the Organizations in school and it even made a controversy around the student and created a tension between the two teachers. I felt really bad because I knew I didn't deserved it but I promised to do better and prove to all of them that I can do better.

You would ask, why did she get appointed in the first place? Why was she chosen if she did a bad job last year. Well this is how the awareness of my journey of self-empowerment comes in. I knew that I lack of many things as a leader so I redid and started over with a smaller setting which were the classroom or whenever I get to be the director, project leader, and all that. I honed my trust in myself better. I could say my skills when it comes to leading dramatically changed over a year. He, the event coordinator, was one of my subject teacher and I think he saw potential in me and so he trusted me. Same goes with my classmates, they see me as a leader material. That was a lot to be honest, i feel empowered. I feel so honoured and that I promised not to let anyone down. I'd do my best to be the one who get to be empowered within by empowering other people but most specially my other club officers and club members.

As the year ends I could finally say that I was better than I was before, the Club I lead achieved more than it did for the past years it existed and we made a yearly tradition/celebration of the English month called the English Camp that will continue on and on as long as English month exists in the yearly Deped calendar. I even won a Leadership Award that year.

So you see, Self-Empowerment is everything. I tripped down and faced setbacks that made me feel useless and shitty but I got back-up again. I applied my principles in life, became fully aware of how I affect myself, other people around me and made changes for the better. Empowerment itself is not just changing to be the better you, it's also about listening, accepting and understanding. People trusts you if you trust yourself, anyone will love you if you love yourself. That's why I even became the Vice President of the Student Government. I did not just focused on myself, I included everyone and anyone that would need someone to listen to them. You will always a learn a thing or two about yourself and other people if you just take your time listening, understanding and accepting. That's the most empowering feeling that you can get, to understand and to be understood.

Also it's about how you MOVE FORWARD towards your goal. We can never change the past but we can learn from it and just keep moving forward. Change the way how it affects you, let it sink in and be the better version of you. There will always be those people who will hate you no matter what you do but as long as you know your worth and you know that you don't really have to explain to those who didn't matter then that is just one great EMPOWERMENT you can gift to yourself.

Let me yell you this, YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE WORTH IT and YOU ARE LOVED!

-Fritzy ❤️💜💛💚🧡💙

[your-fixof-fics]

Hi! I have a request for Emma and/or Sally :) I'd love to read an AU in which Sherlock and John are at Hogwarts, and Snape is impressed by the talent and intelligence of Sherlock :)

Hello! While the other admins struggle with NaNoWriMo, I’ve decided to be active on this blog instead~ I was thinking I would try to write 50,000 words of content this month, but thaaaaat’s probably not going to happen… I may have bitten off more than I can chew. Either way, even if I don’t make the word goal, I’m still going to be writing, so expect some more fics to pop up! [AO3]

~Trep

“Oh, this is ridiculous!”

John winced as his potions partner found another victim to poke fun at. Luckily, Professor Snape was out, otherwise Slytherin was bound to lose more than the 50 points Sherlock had already cost them that day.

“You can’t expect anything to happen with that lousy stirring! You need to go back and forth, not go around in circles like the dimwit we already know you are, Anderson.”

Said boy pulled his stirring stick out of his cauldron and shook it at the tall, lanky wizard, liquid flying everywhere.

“More like you’re not able to follow instructions like the illiterate you are, Holmes! Can’t you see that on line 59? Stir the pot clockwise 40 times before letting it sit-”

“Preposterous! That’s completely wrong.”

“Wrong?! This textbook has been used for decades and you have the audacity to question-”

“Everyone knows that stirring at a constant rate would only set the dissolving Newt Eyes and Aloe Thorns into an inertial motion, where it will ineffectively combine with the Salamander Blood and Yeti Tears. No, it is much faster and smarter, which I have no doubt you will never be, to stir back and forth 10 times before extinguishing the fire to avoid boiling the Tiger Lily Nectar out of the solution.”

Sherlock huffed. “Honestly, if you were muggle-born, then I could excuse your pathetic attempts of brewing one of the easiest potions known to wizarding kind, but knowing your ties with the Apothecary in Diagon Alley just makes me more disappointed than necessary.”

Silence filled the classroom before Anderson found his voice.

“How did you-”

“Oh please, that’s elementary. Do you honestly think I wouldn’t recognise that cast iron stirring apparatus you so kindly pointed my way? The fine work of Cassandra O’Hare is a luxury ordinary school students usually do not have. The production of the most inert, magic conducting equipment of this century is a lucrative business, which has accumulated a five month queue on top of the required two years to craft these, which I’m sure you never knew about. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be banging it against your equally rare, handcrafted cauldron, you ungrateful git.”

John was confused. “Inert, but can conduct magic? How?”

“Thank you, John, for always asking the right questions, unlike this one who doesn’t even seem to understand the concept of formulating one. Following instruction without question? How foolish.” Sherlock sneered. “You may as well be the founder of a dead suicider’s fanclub.”

“Sherlock!” cried out Molly, who had been sitting behind them the entire time. “That’s such a horrible thing to do!”

“I know right? Shame on you, Anderson.”

“What?! No! You’re the one who said it!”

“Well, you may as well have said it yourself, being your usual pompous self.”

“How did we even get to this?! All I said was that you’re not able-”

“-to follow the rules, yes I heard you the first time. Not all of us are deaf from squeaky beds and animalistic yelps, like a dog was kicked multiple times, non-stop for-

“Shut up, Freak!” Sally stood up, ears red with shame.

Sherlock looked at her with disdain. “Stepping up for your boyfriend-slash-sex friend-slash-coitus partner, are you?”

She sat back down, glaring at her cauldron and pretended she was boiling the infuriating wanker instead of some stupid colour changing potion. With that, the whole room was filled with silence again, before John spoke up.

“What’s wrong with instructions? They help you recreate something, don’t they?”

Sherlock nodded. “Very well, my dear Watson. I shall answer your enquiry.”

The entire class groaned. Here they go again, diving into the world that only seemed to consist of Sherlock and John.

“While following instructions can help us reproduce something, it does not allow us to innovate, change, or adapt. How are we to continue to improve our society when all we wish to do is follow instructions. It cannot be said that you can grow a flower just by planting its seed.”

John nodded. He could see some truth in that.

“It’s the same when you brew a cup of tea. No one person likes the same amount of sugar to milk ratio, nor the same infusion time or the temperature of their beverage. Perhaps, instructions should be perceived more like guidelines, to align our trajectory to, but with a different target in mind. Only through this, will it be possible to hone what is already known.”

A scoff echoed in the classroom.

“You’re delusional,” Jim’s smile looked painful to John, stretching his features tightly, “but that’s what I like about you, Sherlock; you and your brother both.”

Said Holmes sibling visibly cringed, despising the mere thought of Mycroft being liked. Jim misunderstood though and frowned. “Okay, I get it, you and John are a match in heaven, whatever.”

John turned around, sputtering with disagreement, before he quickly swallowed his anger. Professor Snape had returned for goodness knows how long now, eyes drilling straight into the back of Sherlock’s head. Anderson noticed too, and gave the curly haired wizard a smug look.

“5 points to Slytherin.”

Professor Snape then proceeded to walk up to the whiteboard and began writing a different potions recipe for the next class. Sherlock’s eyes were as round as saucers while a grin crept up onto his face. He then began clapping while laughing wholeheartedly at Anderson, before turning to John, his face reading see I told you I’m right John look I impressed him I got points I got validation I-

Still, it didn’t change the fact that Slytherin was going to lose at least 45 points that day. To John, that still counted Sherlock as trouble.

#sherlock holmes #john watson #BBC sherlock #admintrepidationchance #trepidationchance #harry potter AU #severus snape #fanfic #request

[ohjjang]

BTS Live Interview KBS News9 2020.09.10

🐨 We're so happy to have completed our debut stage. We'll continue to do our best as BTS.

👥 Bangtan! Thank you! We'll do our best!

🐱 It's good to dream big, right? I'd like to be No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. I'd also like to be No. 1 on the Billboard 200.

🗣 The Billboard music award goes to... BTS!

(No. 1 on the Billboard Album Chart in 2018)

(No. 1 on the Billboard Single Chart in 2020)

(No. 1 for two weeks in a row in 2020)

🐥 We never expected it but we're so happy to hear that we made No. 1 on the Hot 100. We're all in awe. It's hard to express it in words.

📺 KBS News9

🐹 Hello. I'm BTS' worldwide handsome, Jin.

🐱 Hello, I'm BTS Suga.

🐥 Hello, I'm BTS Jimin.

🐨 Hello, I'm BTS RM. Nice to meet you.

🐿 Hello! I'm your hope, J-Hope.

🐯 Hello... Hello, I'm your hope, V.

🐰 Hello, I'm Jungkook.

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure you were here for "Music Bank," but how do you feel being in the newsroom?

🐿 It's really cool here.

🐹 It's really solemn here. It has a serious vibe.

🐱 It's our first time in the newsroom.

🐨 I think this is the coolest place in KBS.

🐿 To be honest, it's quite fascinating.

👩🏻‍💼 Jimin, does it feel real yet?

🐥 Oh, it doesn't feel real. When something good like this happens, we should be meeting with the fans in person and hug, cry, and celebrate together. It's a shame because of the current situation. But it's an honor to be here on KBS. I hope the fans will be happy.

👩🏻‍💼 It's really difficult for a non-English speaking artist to enter the Hot 100, right?

👥 That's right.

👩🏻‍💼 Why do you think "Dynamite" was so successful? How was it able to have a universal appeal?

🐱 Well, the situation isn't good in Korea and overseas, right? So when we first came up with this song, we wanted to do what we're good at, what we were able to do, in order to provide strength for our fans. That was our biggest motivation. And fortunately, our fans really loved the song, which is what brought this amazing result. That's what I believe.

👩🏻‍💼 It's a really exciting and funky disco track. Did you choose that genre on purpose because things are so tough right now?

🐨 In these tough times... When you're feeling down and depressed, there are many ways to relieve that, right? We chose to go with our field of expertise. It's a disco-pop that everyone's familiar with. We wanted it to just be cheery. And we felt like we needed something that was hopeful. That's why we chose this genre.

👩🏻‍💼 Do you feel like you're world stars now? V, how do you feel?

🐯 First of all... It does feel more real than before. Friends of our families say that they're part of ARMY. And even many of our friends have become ARMY. We're really encouraged every time we hear that.

🐿 So many people cheered loudly for us when we entered the newsroom.

🐨 They congratulated us.

🐿 I think that makes us realize our popularity a little.

🐯 It makes us wonder how we are this popular.

🐱 It wasn't like this at "Music Bank."

👩🏻‍💼 From what I know, you had hard times in the beginning. I heard there were times when you'd go hungry.

🐹 Yes. Even for us... We used to catch fruit flies with a vacuum cleaner. We'd have rotten bananas that attracted lots of fruit flies. There were times we survived on chicken breasts. It's a relief that things worked out for us.

👩🏻‍💼 What has changed between then and now?

🐯 Our lunch boxes...

🐹 Back then, when we weren't earning much, there was a limit to what we could eat. But now we can eat whatever we want. We can have two slices of steak if we want. That's where we're at.

🐥 Our minds... I think we have more peace of mind. We felt rushed back then and felt we needed tenacity. But now, we can relax more.

👩🏻‍💼 Then what hasn't changed between then and now? Something you've kept all this time. Jungkook, what do you think?

🐰 We've changed a lot in terms of our appearances and personalities. But the one thing that hasn't changed is our love for the fans and our attitude towards music. I think that still remains true.

👩🏻‍💼 I'd say your teamwork hasn't changed either. This year is the 7th year for the 7 of you. Your album has "7" in the title as well. This would be impossible without teamwork.

👩🏻‍💼 Do you have a secret to your successful teamwork? Does the eldest keep everyone in line?

🐱 No, not at all.

👩🏻‍💼 Or perhaps the leader?

🐨 I think we all just really get along. I think that's how we maintain our positive teamwork. And if anything comes up, we always gather and have meetings. We're always trying to gather ideas for a positive outcome. I think that's why...

🐿 I think we respect each other and are considerate of each other. I think that's how we were able to get to this point.

🐨 I mention this comparison often. I believe we're all in the same boat facing different directions. The 7 of us grew up in different environments and we live life enjoying different things. It's impossible to be completely alike. But the fact that we're in the same boat. If we have that clearly in mind... And also, if we're too close, that can cause problems. So at times, we're like family and other times, we're like partners. We maintain an appropriate distance from each other to respect one another. I'd say that's the secret to our teamwork.

👩🏻‍💼 J-Hope, you mentioned May 18, the Gwangju Uprising in your lyrics. Suga, you've incorporated daechwita and gukak in your music too. Do those ideas come from your discussions? From sharing your feelings and thoughts?

🐿 That's right. Being able to tell the stories that we want to through music is in itself such a great honor as artists. In my case, I felt it was a part of history that we should never forget. And I thought it was good to express that through my music. Daechwita!

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure all of your songs are precious. But is there a song that you particularly love? In particular?

🐱 "Dynamite."

🐨 "Dynamite"!

🐿 "Dynamite."

🐹 For me, it's "I NEED U." That's the first song that got us 1st place.

👩🏻‍💼 In western pop culture, it has been difficult for Asian artists to be in the spotlight. It was hard to be mainstream. But now you're right in the center and the entire world relates to you. What's your secret?

🐨 To be honest, I don't know if we're there yet. However, The Billboard Hot 100 is very symbolic. And being No. 1 for two weeks in a row is something we never expected. So I personally think... First off, the song "Dynamite" was probably more approachable because it broke down the language barrier. And as mentioned earlier, disco-pop is a familiar genre. Even for the older generation. So it's easy to listen to and at this point in time, it provides hope. It provides comfort through being simple and upbeat. I believe these factors played a big part. And more than anything, I'd say people are most curious about this. It's how we got this far. They ask us that a lot and are curious about it. But what I want to say is that we've been on the Billboard Charts since 2015. And I think we've been achieving milestones since. It's not like we had a set strategy from back then. We didn't calculate how to climb up the Billboard Charts. We were able to overcome the language barrier and other national and ethnic boundaries through the truths that we conveyed. That's what reached the many people and turned them into our fans. These things all came together and the resulting explosion was "Dynamite."

👩🏻‍💼 Don't you have ARMY to thank as well, Jimin?

🐥 We have so much to thank them for. Since the early days, I think we had a strong bond with the fans. Even when our team was really small, it's the same in our music and performances, I think it always felt like we were together. Even in this moment, we're so thankful. We want to quickly meet them and thank them in person.

👩🏻‍💼 I really studied a lot so I wouldn't get told off by ARMY. I noticed you always thank the fans whenever you receive an award. Just as Jimin said, you seem so close with the fans. Where does that tight relationship come from? Would you like to comment on that, V? That tight bond with ARMY.

🐯 First of all, it's because they were with us since the difficult times. That'd be the foremost reason. Also, our sad times, happy times, the times we were congratulated, everything was shared with ARMY. So the people that know us best are by far always ARMY.

👩🏻‍💼 To all the youths around the world that have to live with COVID-19. Is there a unique BTS challenge you can propose? (Jung Eungyeong) Who would like to answer that?

🐥 V? Since he has unique ideas.

🐨 Since you're so creative.

🐯 This is my personal opinion. Right now, there are so many things we can't do because of COVID-19. So once COVID-19 passes... Once it's completely over... Then what is... What is the very first thing you want to do? The thing you want to do the most. You could write that down or express it in some way. Perhaps draw it. That would be my challenge suggestion.

🐿 It's a dream challenge.

🐰 A dream challenge.

🐯 Dream challenge.

👩🏻‍💼 We're all spending so much time at home because of COVID-19. You guys are doing a lot of activities online. J-Hope, you made beaded wristbands. You made gimbap too. Is there anything else you'd like to try?

🐿 Yes, I did do many things, right? Well, I don't know. I'd like to do things that I haven't tried yet. I'm not very good with my hands. So I'd like to make a lot of things. For example, carving wood and making something pretty. I'd like to try a lot of those things. And share them with the fans.

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure you have a lot more personal time now. I hear RM has started to work out. Jungkook is learning the guitar and Suga's learning to draw. What else are you guys doing?

🐱 After things became like this, we shared a lot of our daily lives through various platforms. So that's why we have new hobbies. In this day and age, I'd like to share and show more. I started learning the guitar recently too.

🐰 He's practicing really hard right now.

🐱 I really am. I'd like to continue sharing things like that.

🐥 We're working on our next album as well.

👩🏻‍💼 I hear you have a new album coming soon. Can you briefly tell us what it'll be like?

🐥 Actually... It's hard to say what the album will contain as of now. There are songs as good as "Dynamite" and some even better, so please look forward to it.

🐨 We already love it.

🐥 Also... It's great. After topping the Billboard Charts with "Dynamite," I thought that it would be awesome if the entire album could enter the Hot 100 😄

🐱 It's good to dream big.

🐥 It's always good to dream big. So I imagine that at times.

🐰 Our level of participation for this album is extremely high for each of our members.

👩🏻‍💼 Each of your albums have a unique message. Finding yourself, for example. What do you think the message will be for this album?

🐥 I think it'll contain a variety of messages. It's like... The things we feel whether that be sadness or joy. I think we added those raw emotions. I'll end the spoilers there.

🐨 Right now... It's like... BTS is just 7 young guys. Of course, we don't live your average normal life. But the sentiment we're feeling right now... And what we dare to believe that people need right now. We added songs that will satisfy that. So I just hope many people will listen to them. That's how I feel.

👩🏻‍💼 I have to ask Suga about your next objective. Everything Suga has said has come true. Is your next goal the Grammys?

🐱 Well, first off... Yes... I've been lucky, haven't I? I'd personally like to be nominated. Once you're nominated, you can perform a song at the Grammys. And so after we perform at the Grammys, if possible, It's only our wishful thinking but... I don't know if I can say this. But if we can win a Grammy... That would be so...

🐨 Of course, it's not up to us.

🐱 Yes, of course. But we can dream, right? It's okay for us to dream, right? That's our wish.

👩🏻‍💼 Please agree to be back if you win.

👥 Oh, of course!

🐨 It'd be an honor to be back here.

👩🏻‍💼 Then to end this interview, for the people that are struggling because of COVID-19. Whether that be ARMY or viewers all over the world. Could you say a word for them?

🐰 We mentioned the challenge earlier. I'm sure many people are going through hard times right now. It was really tough for us too. We had so many things scheduled but we couldn't do any of them. That's how serious it is right now. Many people are putting in the effort. And we're doing the best we can too. I hope you can find something within. I hope you find that silver lining so that you can find some kind of joy in this dark times. It's tough but I hope you fight on.

🐨 I have a heavy heart. I can't dare say that I understand those struggling right now. It's difficult for me to say that. To tell you about "Dynamite" from our circumstances, it would not have been born without COVID-19. So, I believe... I believe that with the bad, there's always the good. Though that could take a long time. At night, the shadows are long but the sun will surely rise. I know it's tough for so many people. But we'll do our very best so please stay hopeful. And I wish you all stay healthy. Thank you.

👥 We'll shout it out! 2, 3. Let's go!

#bts #bangtansonyeondan #btsrm #btsjin #btssuga #btsjhope #btsjimin #btsv #btsjungkook #namjoon #seokjin #yoongi #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #InternationalPopKSensationSunshineRainbowTraditionalTransferUSBHubShrimpBTS #btsarmy #Youtube