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emiko-matsui · 3 years

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hello this is my official list of what i think every member of the bau would work with if they wouldn't work at the bau like if that wasn't a reality you get me

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Jason Gideon: look i know this is technically canon but i truly do think he would be an author and would guest lecture a bit in his later years and like sure he could still write true crime books but also just regular crime novels i think this old man would just like to write

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: i think she would work inside of the media, not in front of the camera necessarily but as a communicator or similarly inside of the media and the news. however i think there's a possibility of a divergence of path for her, i think its possible she could end up in a hostage situation due to her job in a similar situation like in neon terror and would start working out as a coping mechanism and like genuinely would pick up a (extra?) job as a personal trainer at her gym

Derek Morgan: firefighter. that's it i don't know what to say other than that, derek would 500% be a firefighter. there's nothing else. now that i think about it derek should've been a firefighter from the beginning fuck the bau this is his true calling don't even @ me

Elle Greenaway: similarly to JJ i think elle would work inside of the media but as an investigative journalist. well i think she would start out as a regular journalist but become an investigative journalist after a while because her drive would be too big you get me. also niche but i think that when she was a teen she was like briefly a singer like you know robin from how i met your mother but she would've made angry girl music

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: genuinely don't think this punk could stay away from the government so i think he would still work a fancy government job just not inside of the bau, maybe not even the fbi but i so think he'd still be in government. now what i have no idea because i know nothing about the government especially the american government seeing as im not even remotely american

David "Dave" Rossi: now i don't even know if this fucking counts but you know those really fancy shops that are like made of dark smelling wood and is called something extravagant with a cursive gold font and they sell like cigar or wine or herbal products or like mustache wax or whatever the fuck you know the places im talking about. i think rossi would work there and be that old man at the counter who will come up and talk to you and you have no idea if he just works there and is really invested in this stuff or if he owns the place or just a really weird costumer but then he's the one you pay too so you assume it's his but the moment you step out of the store you've forgotten his face and you never want to go back there but you always think about it once a month or something. if you don't know what kinda place im talking about consider yourself lucky

Penelope Garcia: if the bau wasn't even a prospect here there's no question that penelope would still be a hacker illegally and make most of her money from there but i also think that she would work in a small second hand shop with lots of old trinkets and clothes and stuff just because she genuinely thinks it's fun to work there and also the old woman who owns the shop lets her be on the computer when there's no costumers in the store. i just think she would sit there in her cupcake dress next to a ceramic old cat from the 1930s talking to bernice about her grandson while hacking jeff bezos on her computer

Spencer Reid: now it's time for spencer all over the place reid who i think would work at like one of those really prestige but still public libraries where like everyone is welcome but they have like locked rooms with super valuable books and stuff and he kinda does whatever there bc sometimes he gives tours talking about thr history of the building and stuff and sometimes you find him at the counter ready to guide you to the specific book you're looking for plus twenty other recommendations you should read if you like this book and sometimes you find him in a window reading and his coworkers politely ignore he's had his "break" for three hours now bc he guided 17 tours yesterday (only ten were scheduled) and they suspect he mightve slept here. plus in his spare time i think he would do some independent work to keep him stimulated with stuff but that's not a fully developed idea yet

Stephen Walker: this might be controversial but i think stephen would be a guidance counsellor at like a school and i don't know why but he has the vibe and i think he would be quite good at it. maybe he just gives me more official jawbone vibes from dimension 20

Emily Prentiss: i firmly believe this woman cannot hold down a job for her life. i think the bau and interpol were flukes in her reality because im quite certain emily would physically not be able to keep one job for longer than a year. if you mention a job she's probably done it. she's done everything from high positions in government to bagging groceries to leading seminars to breeding puppies. listen emily prentiss is a lesbian ex goth trust fund kid (like canonically yall). i think right now she's working with the lights for a theatre production and she's liking it and seems to have a knack for it

Tara Lewis: this one's out there but i think she would work as a principal at a university (do universities have principals?). but like the one who's in charge of a school but like advanced studies with like adults study after they've already studied if you know what i mean. idk i just think that's what she would be

Luke Alvez: hate to do this to luke but he would simply just be a cop. or like a detective (that's like a promotion for a cop in america right? bro my knowledge extends to brooklyn 99 and brooklyn 99 only). i hope this is because i feel like luke is the serious crime version of jake peralta and jake is the sitcom version of luke. anyway, cop

Matt Simmons: this is my magnum opus but bro i think he would be a podcaster. i think he would do a podcast with kristy. for everyone who follows my blog think justin and sydnee mcelroy but matt is sydnee. i think they would have a little podcast together. after his unit at the fbi (?) got got by linda barnes i think he would retire home and start doing podcasting full time with kristy. this is my hot take

Kate Callahan: because such a central part of kate's personality/backstory is that her sister died in 9/11 i think that kate would've been a nurse. specifically a nurse not a doctor and i don't think it's because a lack of competence or anything like that fuck u no i genuinely think kate wanted to be a nurse and chose to study to become that. her hours would still be crazy but maybe meg isn't as worried about her now

Ashley Seaver: i don't have a lot for seaver but i think she would work in local government more centralised like those guys from parks and rec and yes i realise ive made way too many references that some people might not understand but here we are. i think seaver would do whatever leslie does in parks and rec or something like that

Alex Blake: this is just a formality to have her on here because she's literally a linguistics professor in the show

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sunnyasswaffles · 3 years

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Heyy I see you hit 100 followers, congrats! I like your writing a lot. 🎉

Since you probably don't know Suguru or Toji I was wondering if I could get hcs of me and Megumi (I want to exploit divine dog privileges) from jjk. I'm a girl, Pisces, INFJ, I'm pretty much chill and friendly, I'm that person with whom you can talk to earnestly without feeling self-conscious bc I love domestic stuff (fluff 🙃), exchanging opinions on variety of topics is fun as long as both parties are respectful, I always supported the idea that different thoughts can coexist and that diversity matters, I'm a good listener but I'm also very confident in my beliefs so people often say that I'm insightful or intuitive, I'm patient and understanding, I like to joke and I hate stressful or serious situations, sometimes I can be blunt but that's just me being honest and I hate faking whatever bc it's not my style. However, I can be mean if the person deserved it, I use sarcasm or leave the person be bc I avoid fights, I'm a v peaceful individual. I'm a former gifted student, artsy person (I'm doing digital art), in free time I watch Netflix, read manga, go on walks, listen to music, do some writing and games, I also like metaphors and symbolisms in literary works and media. People say I'm pretty and smart but I'm also modest which is smtng me and McGee (Imao I love this nickname, Gumi as well) have in common. My wardrobe is also dark and I wear dark makeup, I like grunge. I'd bully Gojo for him. 😂

That's it. Have a nice day!

a/n: TYSM! that means so much to me 🥰💕💕 honestly you seem like a great match for megumi im ngl ✋ i hope you like it! this was really fun to write :)

honestly, when you both first met he would’ve been a bit closed off like he is with everyone he first meets

but the fact that he finds you so easy to talk to is one of the things that brought you closer.

i feel like, for Megumi, being heard and understood is super important to him and the fact that you do that and want him to feel that way, is something he really appreciates from you

he really loves the fact that your blunt and not afraid to say whats on your mind, because he’s pretty much the same way. he doesn’t like things being sugarcoated, he tells it as it is 😤✊

and because of that i feel like your relationship would be very open. you wouldnt keep any secrets, and you feel like you could tell each other anything. and Megumi really appreciates that, because there’s not many people he’s really open with from what ive seen

i feel like he also would like domestic fluffy situations so for dates, it wouldnt be anything overly extravagant. maybe just chilling in his or your dorm, listening to music or playing video games. Maybe a nice walk out in the town and to a little cafe for a drink. I feel like nothing would really matter much, setting-wise, for dates. as long as you spend time together thats what matters most.

Oh my lord- if you offered to mess with gojo with him, or just say something back when gojo’s annoying him- Megumi would get down on one knee and whip out a ring faster than you could ever blink. Gojo gets on his fuckin NERVES so he think it would be fun to give him a taste of his own medicine every now and then (to spice it up, get itadori and nobara in on it too)

He would definitely love your artsy side tbh, if your working on something while you’re relaxing together with him, he would probably rest his head on your shoulder, silently observing and admiring what your doing.

He’s amazing at handling more serious situations bc he’s a pretty serious dude on the outside. when he notices that your uncomfortable or stressing over a situation like that, he would have no problem stepping in or helping you out, depending on the situation

he loves that you have a sense of humor though, your one of the only people that can genuinely make him laugh (and it kinda gives you an ego boost, rightfully so)

i feel like the way he would express his love and feelings to you is through acts of service and verbal affirmations. He finds you easy to talk to so expressing his love through words is easier for him when it comes to you. he isn’t sappy about it though, just a casual “I love you” or a “you look really nice today”

He loves to help you out with anything you need help with. you ask him for it? done and done no questions asked.

I feel like he would really care about your well being in general too. he would probably make sure you drank water everyday and that you eat and sleep good.

when he goes off for missions he likes to bring you back little gifts every so often.

he finds your sarcasm so funny dude you have no idea.

especially when you use it towards gojo or itadori, mans has to hold himself back or he’ll bust our laughing.

just like he loves your honesty, he also loves the fact that your not afraid to stand up for yourself if need be.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #megumi #jujutsu kaisen megumi #megumi fushiguro #megumi imagine #megumi hcs

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wildgeese2017 · 3 years

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You: what makes you happy?

Stranger: His smile

You: thats so nie

You: nice

Stranger: But I haven’t seen in in a while

You: :(

Stranger: What makes you happy?

You: i like lying down and feeling the earth cradling my whole physical body i like listening to music by myself

You: but i feel like its all sucks bc it never lasts

You: like his smile

You: i dont know how to make sense of it all

Stranger: I feel you

Stranger: Seems like nothing lasts

You: it scares me

Stranger: And you never know when the last time is going to be the last time

Stranger: You always think you will have more

Stranger: Until you don’t

You: i feel like an animal i feel so blind to what fate has planned for me

You: i want to believe in something to sort of see everything through the right lens but i just dont know whether i cud

You: like i dont know what gods means to me

You: what does it mean to you?

Stranger: I try to trust in him

Stranger: But the faith is being tested

Stranger: I feel like so much unfairness couldn’t come from god

You: i used to know so surely that the whole point of this suffering was that it was a test or an inevitabilty but i worry that my conclusion was false

You: im scared that my faith is just learned helpessness

You: do you have anything you wanted to say

You: like why you are on this platform

Stranger: I just hope you get enough motivation to hold on

Stranger: Even if it’s the bare minimum

You: thanks im fine i just feel so confused

Stranger: I am pretty sure that someday something will come that will make it worth it

You: im doing well im being nice to my loved ones im going to work im having fun im just existentially terrified

Stranger: For everyone

You: yeh i think so too

You: i kno u dont kno me but im rooting for you

Stranger: How old are you ? Sorry if that’s too personal

You: im 20

Stranger: I’m rooting for you too!!! 😄

You: thx

Stranger: The confusion starts at the twenty’s

Stranger: I’m 25 and haven’t figured it out

You: lol ive been confused 4 so long tho

You: i think being confused is the whole point

Stranger: Maybe the meaning of life isn’t to find it purpose

Stranger: But to live and live while it lasts

Stranger: Love*

You: like its all just fluctuations of energy and the universe is just reminding itself that it exists bc being is the point of being like a perfect circle of belief and truth

You: yes i think so too

You: but it leads me to chasing empty bliss

Stranger: You should write a book about it

Stranger: Or poems

You: i want to feel more purpose but i dont know how im scared of nit finding peace and my vulnerability being exploited

You: i write poetry but i feel as tho i havent developed craft

Stranger: You must be brave to feel extraordinary :)

You: how do u express urself?

You: :)

Stranger: I dance

You: <3

Stranger: I’m a dancer

You: thats so wonderful

Stranger: Not good with words

You: does it make you feel free? i can only dance with the lights off

Stranger: Sometimes I turn the music up and close my eyes and just dance whatever I feel inside

You: that sounds nice

You: what kind of music do u like?

Stranger: And most of the times it feels like breaking my own heart

You: :(

Stranger: But it flies itself back together right after

You: in a good or bad way?

Stranger: Glues*

You: sometimes i wish i cud crack open my heart and show people

Stranger: I feel like a slightly cracked heart must fall apart to be build up again

You: i always paraphrase kafka when he said the reason for everything he did is to try and express the unexpressable

Stranger: People tend to ignore small cracks

Stranger: But take it serious when it’s all in pieces

You: :( i wish we cud all b more gentle with each other

Stranger: Same

You: i wish i had more energy to see everyones breaking hearts and fill up the cracks with my own love

Stranger: And I wish we would only fall in love with people who fall for us back

You: are you in love with him?

Stranger: I am

You: i dont kno whether ive ever been in love love what is it like?

Stranger: I’ve been in love once before

Stranger: And I swore I’d never open myself up for anyone

Stranger: And my best friend convinced me to go on this date with this guy

Stranger: And when he kissed me I just knew

You: that must hav been terrifying

Stranger: Took me 5years tho

Stranger: To fall like this again

Stranger: It was

Stranger: In it’s ironic way

Stranger: And it still is

You: i can tget close to anyone like that bc ive got all this stuff i cant let anyone see its brave for you to let someone in even if it hurts

Stranger: You know what?

Stranger: It wasn’t a decision I made !!

You: huh i never thought of it that way

You: maybe it was god

Stranger: Im fact the decision I took was to not let him in before we went on that date

Stranger: It wasn’t something I was in control of

Stranger: And it took him 5 hours to kiss me 😄

Stranger: And when he did time stopped

Stranger: And so did my senses except for feeling

You: what makes him so special? is it just the way he makes you feel or is there a big reason in your mind?

Stranger: It’s …

Stranger: How can I say this

Stranger: He was a surprise

Stranger: I didn’t expect him to be that good

You: did you feel like you had met before?

Stranger: I thought he’d be just another mediocre guy

You: so he suprised you

Stranger: But when I saw his smile and eyes I just knew I was screwed

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: Feel good to finally talk about all this haha

You: ive never felt that way about way about anyone it sounds so confusing

You: is he kind?

Stranger: He was

You: is he not anymore?

Stranger: Sadly no

You: :(

Stranger: He decided to take a step back from me

You: what did he do to make you feel this way (if you dont mind me askin)

You: oh

Stranger: I remember when he called me to tell me he’s not ready for a relationship

You: what are you going to do? i cant imagine never seeing anyone i care about like that again

Stranger: Last time I saw him was three weeks ago

Stranger: And last time I heard from him was one week bwfore

You: did you know him long before ?

Stranger: Three months

Stranger: Not that long

Stranger: But I knew what he would mean to me when I first saw him

Stranger: So it felt like a smaller eternity

You: that sound so difficult

Stranger: I miss him terribly:)

You: i cant imagine feeling that way it wud really scare me everyone i talk to ive known for like 8years i cant give so much of myself to someone new

Stranger: You don’t have to give yourself to someone all at once

Stranger: Be protective of your energy

Stranger: And never trust the other person to not hurt you!

Stranger: But trust yourself and how you will react to it

Stranger: Trust that’s you would be strong enough to handle it

You: do you think he saw the real you? its so weird to think that everyone percieves you differently and out of your own control i worry that i focus too much on an idea of a person that i cud be

Stranger: Yea and no

Stranger: What I showed him was the real me but I also know that I didn’t show him everything that I am

Stranger: I feel your fear ! You got to know who you are as a person first

Stranger: And you got to be authentic with the people around you

You: i think it takes so long to show a clear picture of urself and its always moving and running away from the person you were when you last talked to that person who you want to really see you

Stranger: Exactly!

Stranger: That’s probably the most genuine talk I ever had

You: im so tired of trying to be a person i wish i cud just melt into everyone around me but theres so much i dislike about those around me and its not possible anyway. its just hard knowing the reason for everything is human connection and not living in a way that respects that truth

Stranger: Thank you

You: thank you too

You: i really appreciate your sharing its so scar to be honest out loud

You: *scary

Stranger: True

Stranger: I guess being anonymous makes it easier

You: yeh i just i was going to see a friend today who i feel like understands me but i couldnt in the end and i needed to express a part of myself u kno even tho im talking to other people who know me and care its not the same

You: i hope ou feel better soon regardless of what he chooses for himself

Stranger: I know exactly what you mean

Stranger: After all I have to choose myself over him as well :)

Stranger: Sometimes love isn’t enough

Stranger: Who am I fooling… most of the times it’s not enough

You: i have so many kind lovely friends and family who is trying but i cant let go of this heavy thing its like theres always some invisible chain wrapped around me

You: yeh :(

You: why cant we all help each other more

Stranger: Not many people are spiritual enough to say love is enough and all that matters f*ck the rest

You: i know so many people in pain and im too tired to be there all the time

You: its easy for me to say love is enough when i dont hav so many real problems that cant b solved with love alone

Stranger: I really pray for you to break out of those chains

Stranger: You seem like an amazing loving and caring person

Stranger: You deserve happiness

You: thanks i dont kno whether my hope has any power to reach you but i really hope you get some relief from your pain too

You: you too

You: i think we all do but i cant know that im so lucky to not meet people who are cruel enough to take that belief away from me

Stranger: And if you ever do meet people like that do me the favor of removing them immediately

Stranger: If it costs you your peace it’s too exoenz

You: i guess but i always think what happens to them when im gone?

Stranger: Expensive *

You: where do they go?

Stranger: ALWAYS !

You: what do they feel?

Stranger: That’s none of your business

Stranger: Let them find their own way

You: yeh i think we all need to respect ourselves to let go of toxicity

Stranger: You don’t have to guide them

You: i just feel like i want to care more i want to love more but i dont and that makes me feel small and selfish i wish we cud all connect our love its so scary not being able to reach each other

You: im scared to change and become better it sounds so hard i feel so selfish

Stranger: You’re not selfish if it means protecting your energy

Stranger: But don’t stand in your own way

Stranger: Be brave

Stranger: Can’t stress that enough

You: thanks i think i do need to be braver i try and look more people in the eye but maybe i need to be brave against myself more than against other people

Stranger: Have you ever watched greys anatomy?

You: since they arent in my control

You: no but all my friends love it

You: its on my list loll

Stranger: So Meredith grey said something like :

Stranger: Maybe she wasn’t opening up to people not because she was scared of the love she would receive

Stranger: But scared of what would happen when they took this live away from her someday

Stranger: Once you get a taste of love

Stranger: It’s like a drug

Stranger: Love*

You: like you and him, i find it hard to accept it when people choose me over someone else so i push them away to other people and i get upset that they replaced me

You: love is so scary

You: its too much

Stranger: Me and him …

Stranger: I feel like this story is not over yet

Stranger: :)

Stranger: And that calms me

You: i think if you have so much love inside you, u will succeed and find yourself in a good place if you focus on that love

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: I literally believe in love because of the way I know I am capable to love

You: sometimes i worry that im not capable of love like that like i have something inside me that puts people off even though on a surface level i seem nice and passionate or sweet or whatever

You: like i worry im just playing a part and soon ill get tired of acting and i wont be what people need anymore

Stranger: Don’t worry too much

Stranger: Just truly be yourself

You: thanks i will try too

You: its so weird loving life this much and still not being happy

Stranger: Damn

You: like im so happy but its never enough

You: its not the right kind of joy it wont fit

Stranger: And this whole convo started with this simple question

You: loll

Stranger: What makes you happy

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: You know what I just realized

You: wot :0

Stranger: My answer was wrong in so many ways

Stranger: Your happiness shouldn’t be depending on someone else

Stranger: Cause you can’t control other peoples behavior

You: thats so real

You: its so scary tho since you cant b alone but you cant rely purely on others

Stranger: Your happiness should only be in your hands

Stranger: So controversial

Stranger: It’s a daily risk lol

You: like other people are all that matters but to them you are the other people so we all need to be kind to ourselves to be kind to each toher but we're all to hurt and scared to do all of it in the right way

You: we're all walking around with a piece of the happy puzzle and we have'nt figured out how to put it together

Stranger: sometimes we forget that all people are vulnerable and maybe hurting too

Stranger: When someone hurts your feelings you tend to forget you might have hurt theirs too

You: i always remember but i dont always respect it and that makes me dislike the kind of person i let myself be

Stranger: You will learn to

You: i hope so

You: i think thats the point

Stranger: Don’t pressure yourself

You: like we live and we all learn the same lesson

You: but it seems like its always repeating

You: like why haven't we learned it yet

You: like we're all one soul

You: and we can't reach the end of this problem or is the point how good we feel at points of it? i cant just chase joy if its fleeting iworry that even love is fleeting

You: idk i know we only hav the present

You: like all the advice uve given me i trust it

You: i just freak out thinking of the big picture

Stranger: Relax 😄

Stranger: It’s not all that serious

Stranger: Don’t forget to live along the way

Stranger: Love was never meant to be safe or measured!

Stranger: You got to be brave and love irritationally

You: i think that that is fair i just i go long stretches living and then i remember the whole question of why and how shud i live and i get all tangled up again

Stranger: And instead of being scared, trusting yourself with it

You: i think i need to trust more and i think faith is trust

Stranger: Grow and learn to trust yourself

You: i want to have more faith in myself in others in the future i just worry the way i acheive this will only be a bandaid i want more than blind faith i want to see the world and see it as it is and still feel love and joy and trust the universe and myself to experience it correctly and even let go of the whole concept of correct.

Stranger: I also think I might fall asleep soon lol

You: thanks for listening i think i will too lol good luck i wish you all the best <£

You: <3

Stranger: That’s what I wish you too

Stranger: From the bottom of my heart

You: :-)

Stranger: Take care strangee

You: u 2 :-)

Stranger: Stranger*

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macklives · 5 years

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session 63 end

okayyy. neat-fucking-o. thats done and boy OH FUCKING BOY i have a lot to say. and this is going to get mildly serious. sorry. theres a lot to uncover this session which basically is just one huge overall plot point. the whole timeline shindig. the thing that has messed me up for a few hours ngl.

man.... this is gonna be a long one. im not even exaggerating. (still, a tldr at the end)

so, the main thing besides from the time shindig plot, which is both important and essential and precious: DAVESPRITE <3

k cool. ill expand on that throughout this whole note, but would rather like to make a whole analogy first before i do so.

so, to start off from last session, dave went back in time to fix jade and john’s death.

but i guess, from what ive read, GC never realized what she did was bad. she basically screwed everyone over and dave had to go back to fix things, which yes, does sound bad. but honestly? i dont think she really realized how bad it was until davesprite had the talk with her. and now they are both friends i take it, shocking development. but thats between davesprite, rather than dave himself so there may be two different views on how he sees GC. anyways, it was pretty bad. i wont just forget that. i love her character but she killed off two characters (who thankfully are now alive), making dave a sprite and future rose to just not exist anymore. or... well.... she does, but she seemed to have fused with PRESENT rose. which i guess we’ll figure out how that works the next time we see her. which will probably be on derse.

but, tbh, GC wanted to apologize and felt bad about the whole situation. so im giving her the benefit of the doubt here.

now.. man...

can i take a second to analyze davesprite? and a little bit about the concept of john/dave’s friendship (just a tad)? ie the two greatest things in the world? thanks.

i think the thing that hit me the hardest was how davesprite (im calling him that to distinguish which dave im talking about but keep in mind i should be calling them both dave. but this makes it easier to write up.) well, davesprite explained how he’d continue to reset the timeline until john and jade are alive. which basically means he would use himself as a sacrifice to allow their survival. which ALSO means he cares more for them than he does himself. he’d throw his life away for them. he knew there was a possibility of him ceasing to exist if they reset the timeline again. he literally said it in such a nonchalant way that it makes me wonder how much his friends really mean to him. which in retrospect, is a lot. now pls keep this in mind for the next part.

now, dave also has so much appreciation towards himself. but not in the cocky way, of course. rather in the way that shows self love?? kinda?? like he genuinely wanted to hang with davesprite, brainstorm his comic and vice versa bc they both think their alt version is that cool. i know it should sound kinda narcissistic, but listen. a lot of people dont often appreciate themselves for who they are. and what i really want to emphasize on that here, is that this comes back to the whole putting himself before others thing. because that specific line i mentioned before is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. since dave thinks so highly of himself as a cool guy, rad dude, arent we so awesome type kid that he LITERALLY didnt care for his life in that one hot second. he made sure he was a pawn used to help out his friends rather than an actual human being who should worry about his life as well. he didnt care if he survived or not in the process of making sure everything was going alright. which is such a fucking leap from this whole self-respecting thing. its as if that didnt matter anymore. and that takes a fucking beating. that shows how much dave truly loves his friends. do you know how fucking BIG THAT WHOLE DEAL IS?

take john for example. dave didnt give two shits who the person on the other line was. he found out GC was the troll who killed john and basically threatened her with every inch of his life to make her back away from him. he knew what it would cause and said “fuck you” in bright and bold. all because he didnt want to see his friend die again. which? fair enough. and if we look back at the last session, god that could mess someone up. especially someone as young as 13. rose even got the worst end of the stick bc she flat out ceased to exist. but then again, thats in the same boat as jade/john. bc they all technically died. yet davesprite didnt. he remembers it. davesprite isnt just going to forget. he’s going to have surviver’s guilt for a long time, because being dave’s guide will forever be a reminder that he’s the version in the doomed timeline. he’s the only one who knows what happened, and he wont become the “true dave” in a sense that he’s now just considered “davesprite” and nothing more, since he cant just be dave since his timeline ended up fucked. not to mention he technically said he was fine with it, bc since it meant the others survived, he wouldnt care what happened to his life. even tho he should and it still probably hurts him idk. and that kills me a little. actually, more than a little. this is personally the most gut wrenching scene in homestuck (but i may just be speculating too much). but that wont stop him from helping dave and giving him all the answer, and also protecting john with everything he has.

and, man, i feel as if he’s gonna be such a good guide for dave. he already gave him the loot, the rundown and is very open about questions dave already has because he knows how tough it probably is to have a shitty guide. considering he was stuck with calsprite for 4 months. so obviously he’s going to help as much as possible. since he probably had little to none and didnt learn as much as he should have through the course of sburb. but now, as a guide, he can easily access all the info he lost during the pathway of his timeline. and share it with dave so he doesn’t struggle and actually completes the game rather than end up in a doomed timeline like himself.

but yes. dave’s blatant adoration for john basically saved them both in a way. and it seems as if its a little mutual considering john told dave he’d always believe him no matter what in the end. how he reconsidered everything, remembered the note and realized how good their friendship is to just give it up like that. and then vice versa. dave couldnt continue on the game without him or jade, so he went back in time. and showed his pissed-off protective side in order to save john again. which warms my heart bc they both mean so much to each other. and both got each other super sentimental gifts and wrote each other such touching cards.

and thats a good way to end the session, i think.

so there we have it. ive never wanted to hug a character so bad than i do with davesprite. i just hope everyone at least acknowledges him in some way, and gives him some amount of respect for what he did for everybody. ive only met him for like 10 pages, but i think he’s the most emotional character so far. and i guess since he’s dave himself, and i feel for dave based on his situation with bro, its safe to say i would protect him with my life. which i dont want to be *that* person but hey, its true. its just that he’s been through so much bullshit, and davesprite is the only survivor of his timeline, always will be reminded of it whenever he sees dave/john/rose/jade playing the game, is now a fucking sprite who wont be able to live his own path but just be a guide and god, i feel for him. i really do.

i shouldnt have written such a long note about davesprite.. but his whole story as to how he became a thing really got to me, alright?

i should write a tldr, cool. here yall go; i actually love davesprite, he’s been through some shit and he deserves hells of respect. GC is forgiven and we’ll find out next time how both version of rose.. fused together?

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs63 #hs63 end

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unknwnxquantity · 4 years

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There’s this girl I had a thing with. We helped each other get over our situations and vent about our exes, this pain we felt from both our situations. I kinda just used her in the beginning to process my back and forth rollercoaster with my ex, while she genuinely cared for me as a person, even if it was just being my friend. I used her and hurt her. But we had this connection thru txt that was one of the most bizzare things Ive encountered: in the beginning of our txting it was as if I was talking back to myself; like I was her and typed out each response. Over the course of a little over a month, we went from me always ghosting her and talking to her when it was convenient, to her getting fed up with my excuses and basically said in so many words, “listen this is the last time I’m gonna try with u but I wanna hook up, u have until 7 tonight to respond back about what u wanna do.” And so... we hooked up in her car. Four hours into the night, until 330am.

Hooking up with her, we’ll call her IR, was a healing experience. My ex and I weren’t intimate for months and months until we broke up. She didn’t like sex, and I guess she was so hurt she just couldn’t trust me with her body the way she did before in our relationship. But since IR and I were both broken from our past confusions and circumstances with our exes, we just wanted to be friends with benefits. But being with someone in that way, the way our bodies fit like puzzle pieces, cuddling, opening up about some of our pasts, fully naked.. and just engaging on such a passionate experience, mind u this was the first time we ever met up... it did something to me. Being intimate snapped me out of the spiral i was going down with the ending of my ex and our situation. I felt really warm inside when I was with IR in those moments. And she felt the same too in her own way.

From then on we saw each other like multiple times in one week, like 6 times in total. Everything moved so quick, my feelings got so intense so... fukking fast. As did her feelings for me. We talked on the phone until 6am several nights, she’d come outside my house @12 or 1am and be hooking up until 3 to one time even 6am (I got in trouble but it was worth it). I met some of her family, she met mine (except my sister bc u gotta be real special to meet her) and came over to my house. I went to her sister’s place in upstate New York; 3 hr drive each way listening/jamming to throwbacks, holding hands, learning more of the other, runnin thru sprinklers.. she even thinks I’m her twin flame (she doesn’t fully understand the concept but I do feel a soul connection to her so I didn’t wanna shut her or the idea of that down), but the relationship she had with her ex made me think otherwise. We wrote each other two letters each to the other, both very descriptive, but with my second letter alluding to the possibility of me being in love with her. IN LOVEEE?! I mean.. I do feel intensely and reevaluating the things I said, I could see the confusion.. but she didn’t even wanna tell me unless I dragged an answer out of her?? She was being distant after that.. and also because things got too serious too quick, us professing strong feelings to each other.. and since the foundation of our friendship surrounded our feelings toward our exes, I had to really ask her “hey.... r u truly over ur ex?” And... she wasn’t. Here I was repeating the same fukking patterns. Jumping into something with someone so intensely , so fukking fast and not taking it slow; how do u expect different results by repeating the same fukking destructive patterns? My feelings were so confusing and complex for her, so deep yet kinda shallow. Like I wanted to fit her into this box of the person I wanted her to be in my life. I overromantize a lot and get so fukking attached. And then they fucking push me away bc I scared them too much. When I feel someone pushing me away, I have this overpowering fear to pull them right back in super hard. That never fukkin works out it just makes them lose mad respect for u and think ur a fucking joke or safe option (subconsciously). She felt for me but in her mind she felt I felt too much too soon, and she wasn’t prepared for such a shift. Neither was I but then here we were being intimate every single time we were with each other and holding hands.. cuddling. Kissing. Exploring. Inside jokes & synchronicities. I’m the first person to make her cum out of the ten bodies she’s had! I’m the first girl she’s been with, and she even revealed she sticks to what’s comfortable; which in her case is asshole men. I can’t hookup with anyone without developing deep feelings. I can’t separate the two AT ALL. Sex and intimacy is sacred, how do ppl fukk causally and not develop feelings?

Anyways in the end, IR chose to work things out with the ex bc she would’ve regretted it if she didn’t give him one last chance “like I kept giving my ex”. And that didn’t even last long, only like 4-5 days before he put his hands on her and they got in a big argument lmao. I don’t have those strong feelings anymore, but damn do I still wanna be her friend? Or do I like her? But she’s so cringe?? Lol idk.. I wanna talk to her tho. I really do but without feeling used or like a second option. She said I’m not , but I’ve learned, peoples words ain’t shit if it isn’t backed up by actions. I’ve already started sending her things even after asserting I wanted to be more than friends, nothing more and needed some space, but now I just wanna be friends.. she just wasn’t keeping me in the loop with her whole ex situation until I confronted her about it and I hate that shit. She always emphasized honesty!! And loving to call people out on their shit! But god forbid I do the same. I went back on my word even when I tried to place strong boundaries. I had to place them again with her when she told me about the recent situation where her ex got physical with her.. this is all just new to me.

I need to let time pass.. maybe it’s because she was the closest thing to a relationship I’ve felt to someone since my ex. I’m trying to really focus on healing myself, especially since all the other girls I was talking to didn’t work out or I wasn’t feeling them anymore. I feel I gotta be single for a long time, but I want her in my life, especially since she feels the connection too and wants to be friends. But is it disrespectful toward myself, like would I just be an easy go-to option? I don’t think she’s done done with the ex. Maybe she is.. I shouldn’t care tho. I need to be alone. Even tho I’ve been sending her stuff on ig and snap, I went back on my word by still contacting her only two weeks after this big thing took place where I found out she thought I was in love with her. I always see the good in ppl; their potential for greatness and to reach that. She’s on that spiritual path as I am with angel numbers, loa, manifestation and the signs/laws of the universe.. but am I just holding onto what was had in the past and not being realistic about the now? Did we ruin our potential by being engaged so soon? This whole thing happened in the span of two and a half months, with our friendship escalating in that past month and it ending like 2-3 weeks ago. Can I even be her friend at this point?? Does she even still think about our connection or has she moved on? I guess I’ll see, I’m just tryna make sense of it all.

#unknwnxquantity #love

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ironcrwned-archive · 4 years

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hi friends ! it’s me ur resident clown, bonnie, & i’m stoked to be in this rp with all of you ! i’m 20, located in the est, and i use she/her pronouns ! i’m currently procrastinating all my school work so ! there’s that. below the cut are my babies’ intros, so like this and i’ll hit u up for plotting ! i got out of hand and this is super long so if this is overwhelming, there’s a tl;dr at the bottom !

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 : 𝒙𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒖𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒕𝒛𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒕 –– THE ARTIST

alex fitzalan. twenty-three. cismale. he/him. one sib. ––– hey , there’s XAVIER FITZHERBERT from AURADON walking past the castle. they’re the OLDEST child of RAPUNZEL AND EUGENE ‘FLYNN’ FITZHERBERT , isn’t that cool ? talk says they can be pretty - NAIVE , but don’t let that worry you – they can be + BENEVOLENT too. say , don’t you think they remind you of DANCING WITH YOUR FRIENDS UNTIL YOU CAN’T BREATHE, WARM HUGS FROM THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, NOT WANTING TO GROW UP JUST YET & BOYISH SMILES, or is that just me ?

𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔

the oldest child born to rapunzel & flynn, and it is obvious that he took after rapunzel with his temperament

a soft soul, his smiles always reach his eyes, dimples and cheekbones are his trademarks honestly

growing up, he was always outside, playing with his mother & father & sister ( though he is more of a momma’s boy tbh )

probably made ( and currently makes ) flower crowns for himself and friends

and his strong connection to rapunzel , it’s obvious young xavier got his artistic talent from her

he constantly has paint on his fingers and hands, a sketchbook in his bag with pastels and paints and oils from all over the place

most likely has drawn everyone he’s ever met in his sketchbook and then given it to them for their birthday and/or a holiday

his parents both loved him very very much growing up, and it’s obvious in how he acts. he never hesitated to come to them if there were problems or issues with anything in his life ( friends, relationships, schooling )

xavier is ~kind of~ a partier in the sense he is ALWAYS down to go out and have fun and dance with his friends , but he rarely ever gets out of control due to substances or anything

is currently having a Crisis about his sexuality because he’s really only ever been with females but now he’s just like ... seeing a cute guy and is like wait a min..

he hopes to become some type of royal painter or something one day because art is truly his passion

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

okay so obviously, this boy is a big old softie

he will ALWAYS drop everything he is doing to help someone out, it never matters with him

can be a little ( a lot ) on the awkward side & tries really really hard to not be but it really is just how he is and sometimes it’s endearing and sometimes it’s...like watching aladdin ( 2019 ) scene where aladdin meets jasmine the first time as prince ali .. it’s pretty bad

he is ESPECIALLY cringey when he is talking to someone attractive ( and they’re male/nb and he’s having a Crisis ) and they’re flirting with him...phew just kno that his ears ? are as red as merida’s hair

most likely will never know if someone’s taking advantage of him/using him

𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

hi i just like making playlists for my characters so ppl know the Vibe™️

i. talk too much // coin – ii. supercut // lorde. – iii. boy’s dont cry // the cure. – iv. made of light // mikky ekko – v. chicago // sufjan stevens – vi. eyes shut // years & years

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔

u can check out his tag right here ! so if u see anything u fancy, just lmk !!

but also!! friends!! probably people that he grew up around a lot bc of who his parents were

mayb someone who is the opposite of him ( maybe a villain kid ) who he tries to like ... encourage idk , i just rly like unlikely friendships !

someone who watches out for him , esp because he’s always taking care of others and most likely forgets to take care of himself ( taken by: giselle desroches )

maybe some exes?? most likely females for rn bc he’s discovering his sexuality but these were probably like ... friendly break ups

literally anything i’m pretty easy going !

okay now onto my trash child

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 : 𝒄𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔 –– THE SPITFIRE

olivia holt. twenty-two. cisfemale. she/her. two sibs. ––– hey , there’s CASSANDRA ‘CASSIE’ EVANS from THE ISLE walking past the castle. they’re the YOUNGEST child of CLAYTON , isn’t that cool ? talk says they can be pretty - MANIPULATIVE , but don’t let that worry you – they can be + RESOURCEFUL too. say , don’t you think they remind you of HAIR TIED INTO PONYTAILS WITH RIBBONS, KNOWING YOU CAN DO NO WRONG IN YOUR FATHER’S EYES, AN ARROGANT SMILE AFTER YOU GOT YOUR WAY, & THE FEELING OF BARE FEET IN THE SAND , or is that just me ?

𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔

the youngest child of clayton ( the bad guy from tarzan )

and when i tell you she is SPOILED omg

growing up she knew she was cute , mostly because clayton was SURE to tell her that and spoil his little girl ( xavier is a momma’s boy & cassie is for sure daddy’s little girl yikes )

so from a young age, she had a little mischievous side to her.

it started with lil pranks on her siblings and then her dad and most of them weren’t harmful , just annoying but eventually as she went to school at the isle...she became a monster

she knew she had the innocent face so her friends ( !! wanted plot btw ) would pull pranks on other students and even some teachers

and whenever the other students would try to tell the teachers, cassie would put on a little smile and flip the narrative so she looked good and the other person didn’t. i literally can’t stand her

now in auradon, u know she’s gonna be making sh*t hit the fan whenever she gets the chance

big big disaster Bi that flirts with everyone with NO shame

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

so obviously cassie is somewhat of a lil monster ( not somewhat, she is a big one )

can be pretty darn manipulative depending on the situation and whether or not she will benefit from it or not

but ! she does have some redeeming qualities !

she is super resourceful meaning that her mind is super quick to find the easiest and most time efficient solution to a problem

and she’s a pretty good smooth talker in bad situations, she’s known to get her friends out of a lot of sticky situations before

very very flirty okay but hates commitment lol

is pretty adventurous as well, loves the outdoors and hiking and swimming especially

𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

i. dead weight // pvris. – ii. bad memory // k. flay. – iii. simmer // hayley williams – iv. west coast // lana del rey – v. teach me how to pray // spelles. – vi. don’t hurt yourself // beyonce.

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔

u can look in her tag right here ! same thing with xavier , if u see something u wanna do just let me know !!

girl squad !!! probably from the isle too and probably f*cked sh*t up over there and now? they’ll most likely do the same thing over in auradon

probably has lotsssss of exes because she tends to self-sabotage and leave before things get serious. we love some angst in this household

people that genuinely dislike her lmao

people she probably flirts with on the daily basis lol

𝚝𝚕 ; 𝚍𝚛 ( seriously i need to chill )

ik this was A LOT so i’m just gonna summarize them below lol

xavier fitzherbert : son of rapunzel & flynn, art heaux, discovering his sexuality, a whole awkward mess but just wants to help people!

cassandra ‘cassie’ evans : youngest daughter of clayton from tarzan, a little spitfire that manipulates mostly everyone, disaster bi afraid of commitment, and causes too much trouble all the time

#hqauradons.intro #this is WAY TOO LONG #pls do not feel as if u have to read all of this #i am just ... very excited and love my characters 🥺

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figureinthedistance · 5 years

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read more bc even more long + self indulgent than my usual stuff

ive been thinking abt my relationship w/ like.... crying recently like as in w/in the past maybe week. i cry so easily tht i just feel like tears dont carry any consistent meaning it can mean so many different things.

1) last week my dads abusive mother died + i didnt cry i wasnt sad @ all. id sort of figured shed be dying soon + i was so scared id end up crying bc i kno i cry easily + that death makes me cry even if i dont kno the person who died that well. but i didnt cry + i still havent even when i talked to my dad on the phone + cld tell he’d been crying. im so fucking glad. she was so evil i hated her so much but i was still scared id end up crying. especially bc in her later years she was vulnerable + isolated + in a lot of pain.

2) speaking of, my brothers ex girlfriend who im still on friendly terms w. her childhood best friend committed suicide last weekend + i was crying but i was sort of aware that i was crying exclusively for my brothers ex gf, not for the woman who died. who i knew, who i had met + liked! but i wasnt grieving i was jst heartbroken bc i knew the ex was jst going to feel so so guilty abt it-- she’d been like sort of the woman’s only friend + had moved abroad a few months ago. i felt bad + like, like i was insulting the woman who had died that i was so concerned w/ how her death affected others when her death was abt her, it wasnt supposed to be abt its impact. it was abt her!

the next 2 Things are less serious

3) the national album made me cry, especially not in kansas.mp3, but also quiet light + a good few other songs. i genuinely dont understand why the nationals lyrics have gotten under my skin as much as they have. idk anyone who is so affected by them. + so much of them i cant relate to!! there are songs i can relate to e.g. rylan but many i cant + i still jst cry. the crying + my general reaction to their music feels like it comes from being overwhelmed. i guess its like the general desperate repressed claustrophobic atmosphere of his music.

4) i went to see the glass menagerie + it was so fucking good (marty rea was in it + i love him a lot i think hes rlly good). id never seen it before but i was expecting to cry. its my fav tennessee williams play + i love laura so much. this girl i was ‘’’in love’’’’ w/ when i was a teenager made me a tshirt tht says ‘tennessee williams loves me’ on it bc id said that semi-jokingly bc laura is written so tenderly + lovingly + its clear how much love williams had for the sister she was based on + i relate so much to her. i teared up when she was showing jim her glass animals, + started properly crying when she said she was nervous she’d step on his feet + he said sth like ‘dont worry, i wont break’ (after her talking abt how fragile her glass animals were) + then when they were actually dancing i like had to like hold myself back from like sobbing. i mean not that theres any doubt over tennessee williams talent but like on a personal level this rlly showed how important + impactful i found his work bc like even tho i cry easily its usually over pretty Big things things that are obviously very sad or obviously very scary. this scene was so subtle but it still hit me so so hard.

5) in therapy my therapist identified my inability to explain why i cry whenever we talk abt anything from my childhood even seemingly innocuous stuff, + i think its in part bc in some ways ive stopped myself from processing or feeling emotions abt my childhood @ all ever + never talk abt it w/ anyone (one of my worst habits is tht i often will lie abt my childhood even in relation to pretty basic facts jst bc i bristle @ the idea of sharing anything real w/ anyone) so when ive talked abt it openly + in depth in therapy even again if we’re talking abt an aspect of it which isnt that significant i will like instantly almost instinctively start crying.

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lgbtastrology · 6 years

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Hi :3 i’m a Leo male crushing on a Scorpio male. Originally we had met on a dating website. I was the first to message him thinking that he would get tired of my conversations but i found myself talking to him everyday. He eventually gave me his snapchat after two weeks and we’ve been snapping each other everyday. There was even a night where stayed up all night messaging each other. Our chats are weird. We come up with weird scenarios and joke around a lot with each other.(1/2)

He calls me names but ive heard that scorpios act a little mean to people they like so i take it as a sign that he likes me. Weve gotten to the point where were both the number one people we snap as indicated by the 💛 emoji. He’s been insisting that we should hang out and i told him that id be down. Im just curious to know if they would do all this just for fun or if they genuinely like someone. I’m sorry if I sound so unsure, please take it from a Leo that has been neglected from past bfs ;~;

hi! I’m definitely not a relationship expert or anything, and I think it depends a lot on the particular people involved (rather than signs) to determine how a relationship is going to go, but if we’re gonna generalize for a bit...

I’d say that a scorpio in this situation would be emotionally committed, for sure. like, usually scorpio is the one who’s over-invested? because scorpios often get too deep and go too hard too fast in a relationship and scare their sig. other off. bc intensity! that’s one of the reasons that scorpio & leo can be a good match, because as a leo, you’re more likely to ENJOY that kind of attention instead of finding it weird.

I think it sounds like he likes you! it sounds like you guys have spent a lot of time talking and getting to know one another, which is awesome! but i’d warn you that, as a leo, you’re a sucker for attention, and being on this guy’s radar all the time has got to feel really good. think this through a little, like: after a few days without talking, will you still feel the same way about him? is it him, or the attention he’s giving you?

a good way to tell if a scorpio is serious about a relationship is if he’s told you about himself. like, how much do you know about him? do you know his little quirks? does he let you see him when he’s tired, or sad, or awkward? scorpios are always afraid of being vulnerable, so being vulnerable is a p good indicator that you’re important to him! (calling someone names, on the other hand, can cross the line from playful teasing to real insults much too quickly. just remember, nobody is mean to the people they respect, scorpio or otherwise.)

a last note: relying just on the sun sign in astrology isn’t going to give you a lot. finding out what his chart looks like, and what your chart looks like, could probably tell you a lot more about the relationship. look especially at venus (love, commitment, how he/you will act in a relationship) and mercury (communication, how you/he interact with the world).

good luck! hope this helped, maybe kinda!

#astro.ask #advice #leo x scorpio #anonymous #asks

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velvetcarat-blog · 6 years

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11 Questions Tag ~

Okay so it’s been ages since I was tagged by @ineedyixing, it took me so long to answer and think of questions myself jhdgdhj but HERE IT IS

Also note:1) I really enjoyed reading your answers! 2) I hope you won’t mind that I used my ult bias group Seventeen instead of EXO, because I don’t have a bias (yet) in EXO (it’s a work in progress okay dhaha) and I tried but I dont know them well enough yet to complete questions well haha ;3

So as you guys may know my very ultimate bias is Seventeen’s sunshine Seokmin so- here we go ;;

1. If you could ask your bias for just one thing, what would you request?

Aaah okay starting off with a really hard question... If anything was possible, I would ask him to spend one day together, because I’d really like to get to know him and see what a day in his life looks like! Realistically I’ d just ask for a photo or maybemaybe for him to sing something ^.^

2. It’s been a hard day for you. All you can think about is all the hardships you have going on. You’re going home in a rush, looking forward to chill for a while. There’s someone on the street hurrying somewhere, just like you are. Suddenly you bump your shoulder into a stranger. It turns out to be your bias. What will happen next? How do you react? Do you say something?

I’d honestly be so out of it I’d just stare wondering if that was really him who I just saw?? But he’s hurrying somewhere right so I wouldn’t have the guts to say anything jhfgfjh I know Im a passive rock

3. Would you rather go to an EXO (in this case svt ;3) concert or spend 2 hours with your bias? Why?

I would rather spend two hours with my bias, see first question as well haha! I would really like to experience this sunshine in real life ok TT

4. You have the opportunity to go to Seoul, SK. Would you try to fit in with the civilians or would you visit tourist attractions solely?

Ah this is interesting! Now I’ve thought about this and what I would do is try and find someone in the area who also speaks English and is willing to be my guide and show me around a bit! That way I can really see what life is like there for the civilians, but a visit to Seoul couldn’t be complete without also visiting some tourist attractions right :3 If I’d have to go alone I would probably end up mostly visiting tourist attractions because I’m really not one to explore on my own and go out of my comfort zone a lot.

5. While you’re there, you’re on your way to a restaurant. You’re dressed all nice, ready to feel alive for the night. Your friends texted you the address but you get lost. You stop a random person on the street asking for directions, but it’s your bias! Do you stutter? Do you flirt? Do you ask for a selca? Do you invite him along, as he helps you nicely and seems like a genuinely nice person? Do you pretend, do all this without revealing that he’s your bias?

Aw man, getting lost like that is so me hahah ;; I would be so shocked lmao, I wouldn’t stutter but probably start rambling explaining why Im lost and all that oh boy. I would not flirt if I ever met him because I don’t want to make us both uncomfortable haha and also because wow nope my brain is still trying to process that he’s standing in front of me. As he helps me and is really nice, I’d probably calm down a bit and bring it up * awkwardly * like hey, ehm, aren’t you Seventeens Dokyeom? ;3 10/10 would ask if it’s okay to take a selca because cmon this is a one in a million chance and I think he wouldn’t mind~ Maybe, if I feel comfortable around him, I’ll confess that he’s my bias haha. To be honest I could see him asking himself who I like best in Seventeen dhahah

6. You’re a journalist and your boss tells you that your next interview for the magazine is with EXO (Svt in my case :3). Do you still take the task even though you stan the group or do you pass it for someone else who wouldn’t get biased while asking some questions? What do you do? Are you professional or do you let the fangirl inside take over?

I would not be able to pass up that chance eventually, after thinking about it a lot. I think it wouldn’t necessarily hurt my professionality, especially since they act very polite and professional themselves, which helps. I’m big on professional attitude and I would really be ashamed towards both my boss and Seventeen if I let my fangirl side come out when interviewing. Afterwards I might tell them that I’m actually a big fan of their music though! :3

7. You’re talking to a guy online for weeks. Eventually you meet up in a public space but you see that he is your bias! Are you upset he lied about who he was or do you get over it and enjoy the rest of the date?

Aish this is so hard to imagine since Ive never been in a situation like this. I think I would be really confused mainly. I’d probably be weirdly happy but also pretty mad but also I wouldn’t dare to just lash out at the guy who I always admired when he’s standing right in front of me. I’d probably just ask him why he felt it necessary to lie and why he didn’t at least tell me who he was before meeting up! I want to hear his side and have everything explained. If he genuinely apologizes and has a decent explanation for it I’ll try to get over it, but it probably would take some time for me to fully trust him again.

8. What song do you associate with your bias? Why?

Aju Nice! Not only does his powerful voice suit the musical burst of the song incredibly well, the energy of the song also reflects his playful, but manly image. I don’t want to ignore his more sensitive side though, actually there should also be a ballad to describe him haha~

9. If it were to choose between your bias and your bias wrecker for a relationship, who would you end up with? Or would you go for another member?

Seokmin or Minghao? Hmm this is hard. I don’t think Minghao would suit me personalitywise though (also BOI IF YOU DAB ONE MORE TIME ) so I’d choose Seokmin then. I’m not sure if we would get along well actually. I like him for his energy and bright personality, but that’s because I’m usually NOT like that. I think he would be better with someone who’s also very cheerful and energetic~ Out of Seventeen, I think I’d probably go for Hoshi. He still has that bright energy but as a leader I think he also has a more serious side and is good at taking responsibility, which is something I really need in a partner.

10. If you could live with a member for a month while in Seoul, who would you chose? Like in a flat. You’d have to share a flat.

Honestly, probably Mingyu. I like things to be mostly clean and organized so ;3 Also I’m pretty bad at cooking so maaaaaybe we can eat together sometime and I can enjoy his cooking skills> hahaha.

11. What makes your bias so special to you? How did he touch your heart and why did you choose him?

Honestly, I don’t remember how Seokmin became my bias. Was it the opening of Aju Nice? Was it him dancing with a frying pan on One Fine Day? I can’t recall what happened but over time he got my attention more and I just fell in love. He’s got everything honestly, from his looks to his dancing to his powerful and emotional singing to his gags and dorkiness. I get the feeling that he’s a sensitive guy too though, and I hope he doesn’t just put on a smile and hide it when he’s having a hard time. all I can say is WHATTA MAN

Allright I did it!! Thanks again for tagging me :) I will tag @vitaminniedk,@jhopejumper, @mintdae and @kkimingyu to do my set of questions. I think some of you guys already did this challenge so don’t feel pressured :3 Skip it if you want to bc wow I know this takes quite some time!

1. Describe yourself using things your bias has said.

2. If you could go on a one week holiday with your bias, where would you go? What would you guys do?

3. Who in your bias group has a similar personality to you?

4. If you and your bias were a couple, what would most likely be something you fight about?

5. Follow-up: imagine you guys are arguing over something and things actually get pretty heated, up to a point that he starts shouting at you, which he has never done before. How would you react?

6. You’re visiting a theme park with your bias group and there’s a haunted house that has a reputation for being one of the scariest ones around! Only two people get to go in at a time. Who do you choose to go with?

7. Which song from your bias group expresses best how you feel about them?

8. Your favourite and least favourite song from your bias/bias group?

9. Christmas is approaching! If you could celebrate this Christmas with your bias, how would you guys spend the holidays?

10. Are you on Santa’s list of nice kids or naughty kids?

11. All I want for Christmas is …. (complete the sentence with your ultimate wish :D)

#11questions #tag #i wrote a freakin article #sorry guys hjgj #it was fun though :3 #mutuals

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tinyspringtrap · 7 years

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real talk the maybe to him talking with me later is the only thing keeping me from breaking down and crying my eyes out rn

my hearts still shattering into bits in the meantime though so thats. fucking cool i guess

i was already depressed as shit from being away from him after seeing him in person and full honesty i kind of wanna die

by which i mean

i really want to fucking die

#please give me the sweet embrace of death tbh #seriously though #i really #REALLY hope #he seriously considers talking later #i feel like maybe my attempts at showing my affection and appreciation were misinterpreted or just not noticed #which i can understand bc honestly #thinking about it my brain kiind of works in weird ways #esp when it comes to that so im #8')#i just.#fuck.#please let him talk to me later #please #please dont let this actually be the end of our relationship i genuinely. cannot deal with that at this point in my life.#ive done so much research recently about immigrating to the us and i started looking for jobs and im #i should have mentioned that sooner fuck me #i just havent had much chance to talk to him since i got back bc he was really upset and i kind of got the feeling he needed some space #so i didnt wanna add more stress by bringing up immigration options and serious discussion stuff 8''')#i just kind of figured that stuff could wait until after we met in person bc otherwise im p sure my mom would refuse to help me out in #the immigration dept

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spkdnailbats · 5 years

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Hyper-fixations!! (aka- my stan list)

yo so I've realized I always hyper-fixate on characters in media that I either relate to, wish to be like, or draw comfort from.... so bc I'm bored here's some peeps in this category:

•Taako (The Adventure Zone Balance) - want to be like - openly himself, multidimensional, fully realized creation, loved by many, charismatic, in a good and healthy relationship (thats also so supportive and cute and god wheres my gf version of kravitz???), unapologetic, went through some shit and came out different and with issues but is still just good, loves family, passionate

•Angus McDonald (The Adventure Zone Balance) - comfort character - hes just a sweet lil guy who just loves his weird found family and is just so smart and precious and i love him with my whole soul and being, makes me smile whenever he pops up

•Magic Brian (The Adventure Zone Balance) - comfort character - can never fail to make me laugh and smile

•Hurley (The Adventure Zone Balance) - relate to - a small ball of energy, typically a rule follower but likes to stray away sometimes, a gay!!, lowkey likes to race in my jeep (its only with my one friend and its not a legit race but we say it is and its v fun)

•Carey Fangbattle (The Adventure Zone Balance) - relate to / want to be like - tiny but big personality, a gay!!, fiesty, sneaky, tough cookie, loves a tall butch girl (i do not have a tall butch girl to love but maybe someday!!), badass little rogue (i wish)

•Virgil "Anxiety" Sanders (Sanders Sides/Thomas Sanders) - relate to - anxious ball of something, many people consider cute although deny it / dont believe it, self deprecating!!, needs a hug, tries to be intimidating but fails, the mom™ friend

•Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe) - relate to - felt lost, felt ostracized from friends (sometimes true sometimes not - gee, cognitive distortions are a bitch), found people and felt comfortable and at home with them, found family, self deprecating, separates self to not get hurt, wants to protect but also avoid, sad™

•Peridot (Steven Universe) - comfort character - had genuine growth as a character which is nice to see, is silly but also can be serious, makes me smile whenever i see her

•Howl (Howl’s Moving Castle) - relate to / want to be like - very much himself, overdramatic af (drama queen and a diva), sees the best in people, cares based on personality rather than looks (calls an old lady beautiful bc she has a good heart), a versatile lgbt (looks and acts like a gay but dates a pretty girl, the dream ngl), fashionable af and dyes hair fun colors

•Calcifer (Howl’s Moving Castle) - relate to - sassy little bitch, underappreciated until absolutely needed, small and typically seen as tame but can have a big personality at times

•Sophie Hatter (Howl’s Moving Castle) - relate to / want to be like - the odd one out, seen as ordinary, never the pretty one but always the average or forgettable one, always someone better and not often liked, when liked its always true and based on a beautiful personality, finds real love in an unlikely situation (wheres my love in life?), makes own path and doesnt care what people say/think, ambitious, does what needs to be done even if its hard, comforting maternal presence but also dominant and assertive when needed, gets shit done

•Kiki (Kiki's Delivery Service) - relate to / want to be like - is an outsider but finds her place eventually, inexperienced but trying her best, works hard in all she does, makes something of herself (i hope someday thats me), makes the best out of a bad situation

•Stitch (Lilo & Stitch) - relate to - lost, searching for home and family, feel constantly different from everyone else, runs away from problems before finally solving/fixing them

•Baymax (Big Hero 6) - comfort character - was there for hiro and did whatever possible the whole movie to help him (learning about grieving, sacrificing, etc), and there was a time in my life that I really needed that presence and didn’t have it that way at the time, but now 14 years later I’m in a much better state mentally but baymax still makes me cry bc he reminds me of stuff™, (tbh i got to “meet baymax” at disney when i was 16 and lowkey was so excited and cried a bit, and my friend bought me a stuffed animal baymax that afternoon for my birthday and i sobbed and carried it around in my bag for the rest of the trip)

•Hiro (Big Hero 6) - relate to - ((this is gonna get sad sorry ://)) so like hiro i lost a sibling (however i was much younger than hiro and my sibling was younger than me) in a way that it was inflicted by someone else but was “unintentional/collateral” and i didnt really deal with it for a while until i actually got help and started doing things again to get back into normal life. i sob beginning to end during bh6 bc i feel for hiro and i know what hes going through and what its like and it sucks

•Alice (Alice in Wonderland) - relate to - gets lost in own head a lot, kinda a wonky imagination, doesnt follow own advice (”i give myself very good advice, but i very seldom follow it”), happy doing own thing until lost or lonely which then leads to fear and anxiety, doesnt know who to trust, trying to find something that isnt easily found

•Oswald the Lucky Rabbit (Disney) - relate to - ((please look up oswalds story if you dont know who he is- in brief terms, he was a cartoon walt disney made and abandoned when he made his own studio (c. 1920s) and was replaced by mickey and was forgotten about until 2006)) cast aside, forgotten about, replaced, wants to belong

•Carson Phillips (Struck by Lightning) - want to be like / relate to - snarky and sarcastic bitch, does what he needs to in order to get shit done, a “penetrating personality” (literally a quote from the mf book), ambitious, goals bigger than anyone thinks they should be, makes morally ambiguous decisions to get what he wants

•Veronica Sawyer (Heathers) - relate to / want to be like - got some shitty friends who we dont really like but stick around with for convenience or something, has ambitions in life, stands up for what she believes in and for injustice and is generally a brave badass (i wish i was)

•Heather McNamara (Heathers) - relate to - lost, follows “friends”, tries to fit in with those around, sad™

•Elizabeth Swan (Pirates of the Caribbean) - want to be like - brave, stands up for what she believes in even if it might get her killed, tough (literally the pirate king), does what she wants cause she a bad bitch, tough, literally so pretty??, found true love in an unlikely place at an unlikely time, literally got married while fighting next to her true love vs the undead fish pirated while the ship is stuck in a whirlpool, badass af

•Kurt Hummel (Glee) - want to be like / comfort character - open about who he is, fashionable af, in the actual cutest couple on glee yall can fight me about it, learned to love himself then never stopped, a sassy queen always (i have so many of his mannerisms smh), went from cute twink to muscle boy and wow we love a glow-up, went from being bullied into submission and scared to being open and standing up for others even if he gets hurt, always made me smile, first real lgbt person i saw in the media and helped me embrace myself fully

•Klaus Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy) - relate to - outcast, lotta mental health issues, music lover and bad dancer, headphones always on, bad experiences and trauma formed self, kinda lazy

•Vanya Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy) - relate to - pushed aside, never a priority, taken advantage of, has own skill no one acknowledges, sad™

•Elphaba Thropp (Wicked) - relate to - cast out, different from everyone else, unique in own way, never the pretty one

----------------------------------------------------

and some honorable mentions of real people I connect with comfort and strive to be like in my day to day life (like ive taken on a lot of their mannerisms or sayings):

•Patrick Stump (Fall Out Boy) - literally the sweetest person ever, super talented in so many different ways, so positive and inspirational (esp about mental health)

•Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance, Umbrella Academy) - always accepting of people (esp lgbt!! gay rights!!), multi-dimensional, versatile talents (singer, song writer, artist, comic book writer)

•Mitch Grassi (Pentatonix/Superfruit) - so openly himself, genuine, verbal about mental health (esp anxiety and depression), phenomenal singer, so kind to everyone, unique, fashionable, sassy as hell, lgbt!!, shows dreams can come true

•Chris Colfer (Glee/Author) - super talented (singing, acting, writing), lgbt!!, snarky as hell, super sweet but also super funny, (tbh ive stanned him since like 2012 and hes the only celeb ive ever met and i will always stan that man)

•Hayley Kiyoko (Singer) - lesbian jesus, came out even though she was told it could ruin her career, so truly herself, open about lgbt issues and mental health, positive towards everyone, encourages everyone to open up and be unapologetically themselves

•Eugene Lee Yang (Try Guys) - authentically himself, isn’t afraid of what people thing, does his own thing even if its different and odd to some, lgbt!!, a shady bitch in the best way, has his own style and kills it always

•Daniel Howell (Youtuber) - open about mental health and most recently his past as well as lgbt experience, can make you laugh and cry at the same time somehow, more talented than he thinks he is, shows you can get through anything

#hey dont reblog bitches #Em's personal vent thingy #sfw #hyper-fixations #people/characters #i think this explains a lot about me #theres definitely a theme here #ive been working on this for like an hour and its now 3 am someone please look at this #you can definitely tell which ones i wrote first because theyre coherent and the rest turn to nonsense

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jess-oh · 5 years

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Reflection

hey journal, it’s been a while. i think i’ve been feeling pretty lost and confused for a while now and havent known exactly what i was feeling or how to correctly articulate it. i think i have been getting better but ive also been getting worse without realizing it. i think journaling is helpful in terms of word vomiting and processing everything out but it isn’t helpful if im just using it as a means of replacing community and people who do genuinely care for me and want to listen. when i want to vent, ive been trying to find someone—anyone to talk to to express these concerns and feelings but far too often am i not willing to do the same for them. Moments when I’m too distracted or just waiting for the next best thing or the next most interesting thing to come along so that i dont have to talk to that operson anymore bc ive grown bored. which is so messed up.

There are many moments when I could be more productive and I know how to better use my time and give it to God but choose not to. I procrastinate on my faith and my relationship with Him and it’s been hitting me really hard. I think I’ve assumed that I’ve been real and honest recently bc I’ve been so prone to crying but more than that, I think I just have so much bottled up that I haven’t been properly dealing with. I think I just need to actually do something about it and stop procrastinating and avoiding it.

For example, I know that I’ve defined myself by my works for a long time now. But instead of actively finding ways to get better at it and not do it so much, I just kind of accepted it and procrastinated on solving it. It seemed like the least of my worries in an ever changing state of turmoil. But it didn’t just go away. It stayed. And festered. And rooted itself into every part of my life. I’ve been so much more prone to judging others bc I’ve been holding myself up to such high expectations. I’ve been more prone to feeling pride and being consumed by it and it’s because I’ve been so desperate to latch onto anything that is “good” about me and be the best at it. Im too afraid to rest because I’m afraid that if I let go, everything will come crashing down. Everything that I have worked so hard for and tried to maintain will just come crumbling. So I can’t let go. I’m far too terrified to.

So recently, I’ve been trying to actively take a step back. I’ve been trying to listen more, be more attentive and intentional, stop making it so much about me and actually care about them. I haven’t been stepping up to the plate or taking initiative as much and just trying to be there, present in the moment. And I do think it’s helped at least a bit. But a part of me is still so desperate to make everything about mememememememe and feeling bitter or blaming external factors when I can’t have my way. Which is so stupid spoiled. I’ve been trying so hard to fit in with everyone at church and going into the coming year, I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be bitter about my own circumstances. I want to actually do something about it. I want to move on. I want to move forward.

I can be consumed by the things of the past or I can move forward. And I want to move forward.

Going back to my taking a step back point real quick though, I realized just how kind and genuine so many of the people around me are and I had previously failed to see that. They are so real and honest and are slowly getting to a better place and I’m happy for them. So instead of being so caught up with comparing myself to others and see how theyre doing more than me or able to get this reaction or that reaction when I couldn’t, I should be more concerned with their actual health and wellbeing. I’ve been burning out recently because I lost sight of my reasoning and intentionality behind it all. I’ve been quicker to find reason to believe I can’t go to church bc it’s too far or bc I’m too “busy” or whatever. I’ve been so much quicker to brag about my accomplishments and what I do instead of just doing it because I want to. Yes, it is a lot. And I do want to recognize that. But back home whenever I went to church, it was never a question in my mind. Even over the summer when I went to my internship, it was never an issue in my mind. Because I knew why I was doing it. I was doing it for the work experience, opportunity, and exposure. I was doing it because I chose to commit and invest into the community so it was what I was going to do. It is not the fault of those around me for giving my encouragement and compliments. It is my own fault for letting them so strongly affect my ego instead of just accepting and appreciating the kind words they’ve expressed. I don’t want to be this person anymore.

I do care more deeply and genuinely about the community and do really want to serve them. I do! And I do really really really think so highly of Pastor Josh and admire and respect and look up to him a lot. I do. I appreciate his guidance and his place of concern and I want to believe him when he says that he really loves each member of MAST so much. Because I do think he genuinely does. I’ve judged him before for being too vulnerable but I actually do really appreciate his transparency and honesty and vulnerability with us. It sets a good example and shows the trust he places within the community. It puts us in a position where we have a feeling of responsibility to do what is right and step in to help.

I do feel as if I’ve been lacking a solid community of people I can just freely turn to and know that I can trust with my everything. I did have that with Andrew, Sofia, David, Jeanne, Jude, Catalina, Edgar, Keylee, and Grace An. Especially with Andrew, Jeanne, and Grace. But the difference between then and now is I’ve become so consumed and confused with my own thoughts and problems that I haven’t been able to properly serve anyone else. And I do want to. Not out of a sense of responsibility but because I so deeply and genuinely care for those around me. I made a commitment to rejoin MAST and I stand by my decision. I think under P. Josh’s guidance, I can grow a lot more than I ever could as just a normal member. There’s a lot that I still don’t know but want to learn. And I have to stop waiting for someone else to help me solve my own problems. I need to take responsibility, acknowledge my mistakes, and move forward from here. I don’t super fit in with everyone and that kinda sucks but it’s okay! We have different interests and some of them do overlap. I’ve been too serious too often in the past and apparently now and it’s an issue that hasn’t gone away. It’s because I’m too afraid to ever rest or take a break but I really want to. It’s so dumb but there have been moments when I thought, “Why do they like her and not me?” in a romantic sense. And even at times when I wasn’t necessarily romantically attracted to the other person.

David V. just called me and it was really nice to talk to him again. Even though our time together was brief, I’m glad we got to spend that short amount of time together. Unexpected phone calls when youre feeling down are always nice.

I do really crave a support system and a real emotional connection. I think I do really trust Jason and P. Josh and Amanda and even Johnathan and Johnny as well. But they dont always give me the response that I want to hear. But just the fact that they listen means a lot to me and although our time together now is short, I do want to make more genuine attempts at really being there for them and listening to them too. Because I do genuinely care for them and I am sad that theyre leaving. I am both so excited but also so nervous for school next year. I dont want to lose sight of my identity and instead just keep serving faithful with a clear mind and eyes on what lies ahead.

But God, I absolutely cannot do this on my own and I ask for your help in this time of need. I am looking forward to the things coming ahead and I want to really treasure every single moment that I have with everyone—especially the seniors—until my time with them is up. I met Jason and Johnathan at spring retreat two years ago and had certain expectations of them then. My perception has changed during the time I’ve known them but they’ve both grown up to be wonderful men of God and I am truly so proud of who they are, who they’ve become, and excited for who they will continue growing to be. I met Amanda only just last year but already we’ve spent so much time together through InterCP and MAST and I am really so glad that I know her too. I could’ve been closer with them all but I’m glad I was able to meet such amazing people and spend any time with them at all. I definitely want to have a sleepover with Amanda sometime soon before the semester ends and really get to know each other on a deeper level and have a space where we feel so free to express any and all insecurities and concerns or passions we have with each other. I want to end this year right.

Thank you for everything you’ve all done. Movement would not have been the same in any sense without you. Thank you.

#reflection

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