#see this is exactly why i will never be a professor bc these kinds of people who don’t even try are everywhere around here

[entropys]

im gonna vent a little bc im about to explode ok. so . tomorrow i have a presentation for a group project that i kid you not the people im paired with did not do shit! they’re terrible i explained to them in detail like 3 times and they still don’t get it!!!!! like. its so easy sooo easyyyyyy idk why they don’t even want to TRY like im gonna rip my hair off i can’t do this i can’t deal with them sick and tired of being a “leader” (cause apparently i am a natural born leader) like what is wrong with them do they just love to see me suffer and write all the parts myself ???? and even if i did that they will still present it wrong and mess up everything i’ve worked for so i’ve given up fuck this group project btw! i can’t do this anymore .. like imagine explaining something so patiently step by step and they come back to you with a copy paste paragraph from WIKIPEDIA that has nothing to do with what you assigned them 😭😭 im not joking this actually happened and they gave it to me the night before the presentation too like wtf am i supposed to do with this??????? i hate people who don’t give a single shit about their grades when it comes to group projects idc if u get an F in all your classes I DO NOT CARE but when your grade affects other people too maybe have some human decency and do the work you’re supposed to do.. like just try even if its terrible just fucking TRY its not that hard

#i hate them i hope they know that i hate them so so much #istg if any of you attend my uni you’ll go crazy from all the shitty classmates you’ll meet #i just KNOW that every single one of them cheated their way to graduation and didn’t even bother to study for anything #cuz how can someone be that stupid like im sorry but this is just… no words honestly #this is why you should pay attention in academic writing class cuz even elementary school kids don’t act like these people #its crazy i could probably get my 9 year old sister to do this with me instead of them and ill get a better grade #like really truly genuinely.. #see this is exactly why i will never be a professor bc these kinds of people who don’t even try are everywhere around here #i feel bad for professors honestly #students here are the kind of people who talk shit about a professor only bc he evaluated them fairly #they want to sit back and do nothing and just get grades from nothing #rant over im gonna go sleep now whatever even if im not finished theyre supposed to be doing this not me fucking hell #like i did my parts already i don’t care anymore i just want this to be over please

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

#pinned post bc I'm particularly proud of how it turned out and i don't want it to get buried when people check out my blog lol #Good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #gos #gos spoilers #gos2 #gos2 spoilers #gomens #gomens spoilers #gomens 2 #gomens 2 spoilers #good omens s2 spoilers #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #mine #meta #character analysis #character study #discourse #making an effort #this literally took me a week to finish i really hope it doesn't sound stupid lol #i know I'm gonna wake up in a cold sweat every couple days bc i forgot to add something but i needed this out of my drafts and also my brain

[girl-named-matty]

Hogwarts Legacy characters and my first impressions of them pt.1

Semi-in order of when you meet them.

Eleazar Fig: Cool guy, seems to care a lot about me so that's nice.

George Osric: This guy is TOTALLY the villain. Why would he just come out of nowhere and be acting so weird and like he doesn't want anyone else to hear what he has to say? (LOL sorry George 💀We all know how that ended)

Ranrok: Naww who is this- DID HE JUST KILL THAT GOBLIN?!

Professor Black: Annoying. Annoying, Annoying, Annoying. GO AWAY.

Professor Weasley: She's awesome, super sweet, and she's in Gryffindor and I'm in Gryffindor so that's nice. Oh, wait a Weasley???

Cressida Blume: She's cute. Has cute freckles.

Nellie Oggspire: I need to be her friend IMMEDIATELY.

Garreth Weasley: Oh this guys a cutie--OH SHOOT HIS LAST NAME IS WEASLEY.

Natty Onai: Her name is Natty... and mine is Matty... We now we HAVE to be best friends.

Professor Ronen: Oh, he seems like fun!

Sebastian Sallow: Woah wait why are they fighting. OH SHOOT IS THAT GINGER KID ABOUT TO DIE- Oh, never mind. Was this guy allowed to do that? Is he gonna bully me? Should I be suspicious of him? Oh, well either way he's kinda cute.

Professor Hecat: Oh, she's cool.😎

Lenora Everleigh: So cute and has a very beautiful name.

Sirona Ryan: An absolute queen. Gave me free butterbeer and she seems really considerate of the other shop keepers. Oh and she defends me so yeah absolute queen.

Victor Rookwood: Uhh who is this guy? Oh shoot wait is he supposed to be another villain? His top hat is kinda goofy ngl. Also what kind of a threat is "Can't drink butterbeer forever?". I don't know whether to be intimidated or to laugh. Maybe both?

Theophilus Harlow: MY EYEESSSSSSS! 😭😭😭 (Sorry but he looks nasty)

Professor Garlick: OH SHE CUTEEEEEEE.

Leander Prewett: Oh I HATE THIS GUY GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! SEBASTIAN SALLOW SAVE ME. PROFESSOR GARLICK HELP. (I promise I have changed my ways and I now love him)

Professor Sharp: OoOooo he looks intimidating but he is very handsome.

Amit Thakkar: CUTIE RAVENCLAW!

Andrew Larson: ANOTHER CUTIE RAVENCLAW! (throwing him in here now bc I'll tell you guys I didn't even know he had a name until like six or seven+ months ago so I got my first impression of him online LOL)

Lucan Brattleby: This kid looks fire. He's my little brother now and nobody can stop me.

Eric Northcott: He hasn't said a single word yet I do not like him. (Sorry Eric girlies)

Ominis Gaunt (1): Why does this guy keep talking to me in the hallways. Is he mad at me? WHAT DID I DO?! Oh, shoot wait is he blind? CAN HE SEE WITH HIS WAND??? DAWG THIS IS AWESOME. also he's really pretty.

Richard Jackdaw: Why does he look and sound exactly like Garreth? Is this another Weasley I don't know about?

Madam Kogawa: She looks cool. Kinda intimidates me tho and I have no idea why.

Everett Clopton: His voice is kinda annoying and we got in trouble but he did teach me how to go super fast on a broom so I'll give him that much.

Deek: AWWW I LOVE THIS GUY!!

Ominis Gaunt (2): WHY DID YOU YELL AT MEEEEE?😭IM NOT GONNA TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE UNDERCROFT I SWEAR. 😭😭

Percival Rackham: Don't like him. I don't know why but I do not like him.

Professor Howin: ...is that dodo bird actually gonna attack me or are you just saying that-

Poppy Sweeting: Aww she looks cute. She is very small but obviously that doesn't stop her from defending beasts from bullies LETS GO! Oh also she's got a cool hippogriff friend!

Imelda Reyes: Oh, I am going to beat her time by a LANDSLIDE just because she said that to me. (rivals to lovers fr)

Lodgok: Oh he seems really nice for helping us but should I be suspicious of his connections to Ranrok?

Gladwin Moon: Saw this guy earlier and he was acting weird. And now I figure out it's because of some statues. Can this school get any weirder?

pt.2 coming soon 👀

#hogwarts legacy #hl #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #garreth weasley #Professor weasley #Professor Fig #Professor Sharp #Leander Prewett #lucan brattleby #Professor howin #Amit Thakkar #Andrew Larson #Sirona Ryan #Headmaster black #nellie oggspire #Cressida Blume #Poppy Sweeting #Imelda Reyes #Everett Clopton #Madam Kogawa #Richard Jackdaw #eric northcott #Deek

[direwombat]

tagged variously by @corvosattano, @inafieldofdaisies, @carlosoliveiraa, and @socially-awkward-skeleton to do these picrews (picrew 1 | picrew 2 | picrew 3) and some uquizzes (linked below)

deputy sybille la roux (fc5) | paola orsini (uncharted) | saoirse monaghan (c*d)

How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character

tragic. You're the sympathetic villain who does not-quite-bad-enough-stuff-to-be-hated for a very good reason. And you're redeemed by dying. Everyone's angry about it, you could have had an amazing redemption arc if you lived.

well, fortunately for syb's fictional fanbase, i know how dissatisfying the "redemption via death" is and it's exactly why she lives (despite her best efforts) and reaches that healing arc where she starts facing her sins and making amends rather than wallowing in misery.

which philosophical view are you? 

cynicism (ca. 4th century bc). you feel alone; a sickening loneliness that is stuck in your bones. you are proud to be alone, to be the dog. they don't understand you, they never have, you are one of a kind. you yearn to be touched and to be loved, but you do not let yourself have it; if you love, you risk losing it. and you are tired of losing.

How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character

mentor. You might not be the main character, but you're still very important. You're the older, or at least wiser one, who guides all those little youngins to victory. They may not always listen to you, but at least they respect you. The fandom looks on you as either a MILF/DILF, the lovable cooky old guy, or the one who really, really needs a break. Maybe all three. Probably all three.

i mean. she was literally a university professor and teacher (altho she was also the kind of instructor who has made students cry, but it usually came from a place of "i know you can do better.")

which philosophical view are you? 

mazdakism (late 5th century CE). you are too kind, my friend. too loving, too giving towards people who don't deserve it. at some point you will run out of things to give, and you will start giving pieces of yourself. you wish they would give too; you wish for your selflessness to be repaid, to be acknowledged. but if you never write your name on the card, how will they know the gift came from you?

How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character

mom friend. You're the character who carries snacks, who takes care of the rest of the cast. You make sure they eat, stop them from dying, and keep them out of trouble as best you can. and when they do get into trouble, you try your best to get them out of it. Good on you, dude.

*f;lkasjfda;lsdfjkd ok this is a funny result because while saoirse is just as reckless and willing to throw herself into danger as the boys are, she would get mischaracterized by fandom as the mom friend because 1) she is prepared, 2) she's compassionate, and 3) she's a woman. so.

which philosophical view are you? 

british empiricism (17th - 18th century BCE). you feel too much and sense too little. no one is ever around when you break, you keep it to yourself. you think they don't notice, but the pain sticks to you like tar and the smell fills every room you enter. but you would never let them hold you, you're afraid it might be contagious.

tagging back for any picrews/uquizes you haven't done yet, and also tagging: @marivenah, @cassietrn, @trench-rot, @harmonyowl, @fourlittleseedlings, @purplehairsecretlair, @aceghosts, @adelaidedrubman, @finding-comfort-in-rain, @voidika, @locustandwildhoney, @testyfestyenthusiast, @strangefable, @alexxmason, @deputyash, @josephslittledeputy, and anyone else wanting to do any of these! (taglist opt in/out)

#woof ok this was a big ol roundup #please enjoy some girls #oc: deputy sybille la roux #oc: paola orsini #oc: saoirse monaghan

[ctitan98official]

Anonymous: Oh man, seeing all this professor!Donna stuff makes me really want to see professor!Miranda content as well! Could I request something along those lines? Maybe the reader is a graduate student for a masters program under Miranda, and they start bonding. Miranda is pregnant with Eva (midway to end of the second trimester maybe) and isn’t sure that the reader will want to be with her, especially with the baby not being theirs, but the reader is ecstatic at the prospect of having a family with her and is even willing to put their degree on hold or swap programs to make it work because they care about her and Eva so much. Bonus points if the reader feels Eva kick against their palm in agreement of them being the other parent (bc that'd be cute).

Hell yeah! Also, I know Miranda’s last name is never revealed so I just went with “Balan” (That last name literally means ‘Blonde’ in Romanian XD) Felt weird to just have Y/N call her by her first name lol. Let’s get into it!

You were scared when you entered your Master’s program. What if it was too hard? What if you couldn’t keep up? You had almost given up before you really started.

However, when your program advisor, Dr. Miranda Balan, had been notified about your request to transfer to another school… She couldn’t let such a promising student go. She had seen your research and it was very impressive. She decided to take you under her wing and set up a meeting to talk with you.

Miranda is a world-class biologist. She’s worked on thousands of major projects. You’ve followed her work for many years and truly admire her. But now, you feel dumb just sitting in front of her.

However, the scientist’s beautiful silver eyes are kind as they assess you. “Now, Y/N. What’s this nonsense I hear about you wanting to transfer?” She asks with a smile.

You blush. So that’s what this is about. “I… just don’t think I’m going to do well in the program.” You tell her and nervously scratch the back of your neck.

Miranda quirks a concerned eyebrow. “Why do you think that, Y/N?” She asks.

“I’m not… Brilliant like you. I work hard, but, sometimes it just takes me longer to understand things.” You say.

Miranda nods in sympathy, but she also giggles at your unintentional compliment. “Well… Flattery will get you everywhere with me.” She jokes which makes you laugh a little bit as well. “But, I will personally see to it that you are not left behind. Think of me as your new mentor.” She says with a smile.

Your eyes widen at this.

“You can shadow me as I work and act as my lab assistant. Hands on learning is more effective than just lectures, after all.” She tells you. “Plus, we can also have some one-on-one tutoring sessions if you feel like you need help.” Miranda finishes with a grin.

Your eyes brighten at this. She’s so generous. Why is she doing this? “Um… Wow, thank you so much.” You say gratefully. “I, just… Um, do you really see that much potential in me? Why would you offer me this?” You ask quietly.

Miranda hums sadly at your lack of self-confidence. She knows exactly how you feel. It’s scary starting a new venture. She’s dealing with that at the moment herself, actually. “Well, Y/N, I’ve seen your work and… I know you will make a big name for yourself in science.” She tells you. “We need mavericks who are willing to take chances for the benefit of humankind. I think you fit that profile quite nicely.” She winks at you.

Oh shit. She’s so gorgeous you can’t even really focus on what she’s saying. “T-thank you. I’m honored.” You tell her, embarrassed.

Miranda chuckles at your heated cheeks. You’re adorable. “You asked me why I wanted to mentor you.” She says.

You nod fervently.

“The truth is, I’m at a crossroads in my life. I will not be working on anymore huge projects, except for my own research. I’ve been all over the world and… Now, I want to know what other things life has in store for me.” She says with a dreamy expression. “I have always loved to teach, and now, I want that to be my full-time career.” She smiles.

Wow… So Miranda will not be a part of those huge research teams any longer. She’s dead serious about changing course.

“Plus…” Miranda adds. She pauses before thinking about something. The blonde suddenly holds up a finger, motioning for you to wait a second. Miranda stands and goes to look outside her office doorway to make sure no one is listening in. Once she is satisfied that no one is around to hear, she closes the door before sitting down again.

You look at her in confusion but wait for her to speak.

“Y/N, what I want to tell you must remain a secret. You don’t have to stay and listen to this, but all I ask is for your discretion if you decide to hear what I have to say.” Miranda tells you seriously.

What could she be about to tell you? You can’t help your curiosity. “Okay. I’m ready.” You tell her with a determined glint in your eye.

Miranda giggles at you. So spirited. It reminds her of herself, actually. “Excellent. Well… There are two main things you should know.” She begins. “The first matter is that… I am expecting my first child.” Miranda reveals with a smile.

Your face is in awe. “Wow, really?” You ask in disbelief. You didn’t think she looked pregnant. Now, you’re trying to secretly look for any signs.

Miranda laughs at your poor attempt to remain stealthy as you examine her. “I’m only three months along, so it’s hard to tell.” She says. “The University does not know yet and I would like to keep this between us for a while. Would that be okay, Y/N?” She asks, suddenly worried that she has burdened you with this secret.

“Absolutely! That’s not my place to share with anyone else.” You answer.

Miranda internally breathes a sigh of relief. She trusts you. “I appreciate that, Y/N… I have been waiting for this little one all of my life.” She grins.

“Congratulations.” You tell her with a smile. For some reason, seeing Miranda’s eyes light up when she talks about her unborn child makes you feel warm and mushy on the inside. It’s sweet.

“Thank you, Y/N.” Miranda says happily. It feels… Good to get that off her chest. She doesn’t know why, but it feels even better that it’s you she’s talking to specifically. You’re so kind and most certainly a great listener. “Now, onto the next bit of information I want to share.” She tells you.

You nod and lean closer to listen.

“I… Would like for someone to continue the research I have worked on for most of my life. I can’t think of anyone I would enjoy training more than you, Y/N.” Miranda says sincerely.

Your eyes go wide. What an honor. Miranda’s research is groundbreaking. This could change your life. “Fuck yes!” You suddenly blurt out quite loudly before your cheeks go red at your reaction. “I m-mean, I just… Thank you Dr. Balan.” You tell her.

Miranda chuckles at your uncontrollable giddiness and excitement. “I’m so glad to hear that, Y/N. And please, Miranda is fine.” She tells you with a wink.

Oh man… You hope your quickly developing crush on her will not ruin this opportunity…

——————————————————————————

A few months pass by and you and Miranda have grown very close. She often invites you over for dinner and the two of you delight in each other’s presence.

You work closely with her in the lab and are hyper-vigilant as you make sure that Miranda isn’t exposed to anything that could harm her and the baby.

Miranda assures you that what you are researching is not hazardous, but you still worry.

One evening, as you two are cleaning up, you hear Miranda gasp softly and immediately place her hand on her stomach. You’re by her side immediately. “Are you okay?!” You ask her worriedly.

Miranda’s eyes are wide and her stance is rigid, but she eventually chuckles in astonishment. “I think this little one just kicked me for the first time.” She tells you with a breathtaking smile.

You brighten at this. “Really?!” You ask her excitedly.

Miranda giggles at your happy reaction. “Yes. Would you like to feel, Y/N?” She asks and reaches her hand out to yours.

“Yeah!” You agree. The baby has been a constant topic of conversation. You and Miranda have taken to jokingly asking the baby for their opinion as you work during the day. You’ve become very attached and they are not even born yet.

Miranda beams at your enthusiastic answer and gently guides your hand to where she felt the baby kick earlier. You both wait for a moment, but nothing. The baby has apparently decided that they would rather take a nap now.

“Aw, shoot… Maybe… They just don’t like me.” You say, trying not to be too disappointed.

Miranda coos at the sadness on your face. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’s still rather early for them to move too much. I’m sure they adore you.” She says. Miranda finds it precious to see how you’ve grown so fond of the baby.

It’s been amazing just getting to spend so much time with you as she experiences this pregnancy… It almost feels like you two are eager parents as you wait for the baby to get here.

Miranda’s train of thought immediately halts as she realizes just how much you mean to her. She can’t imagine life without you now… She’s developing feelings for you… And… She wants to raise this baby with you. Her cheeks burn as she tries to shake the poisonous thought from her mind. There’s no way you could ever feel the same. This isn’t your baby, after all. Miranda looks to you as she is silently wrestling with her unfounded hopes.

You are very infatuated yourself. When you and Miranda’s eyes meet… You feel a sudden wave of attraction. You can’t fight it any longer. You gently wrap your arms around her to lean in closer. Eventually, your lips meet and it’s like your world is finally complete. Miranda’s lips are soft and warm. You deepen the kiss and Miranda moans as you hold her close.

As if on cue, the two of you quickly part at the same time, embarrassed by your actions.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, Miranda! Please… Forgive me!” You quickly apologize. You begin beating yourself up. What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you-

“Y/N, it’s okay.” Miranda says and reaches out to cup your face. “I kissed you too.” She tries to soothe you as she rubs her fingers along your cheek.

“No, I… It’s more than that.” You try to explain. “I… Think I might be in love with you, Miranda.” You reveal.

Miranda can’t help the shock she feels. You… Are really in love with her? Miranda is quickly brought of her thoughts as you begin to speak again.

“I… I know it’s not my place, but… I love the baby too. I kind of feel like they’re my child as well.” You say.

At this, Miranda begins sobbing joyfully. She hugs you tight. “I… Love you too, Y/N. We both do.” She says and pulls back a bit as she puts your hand on her tummy.

You laugh in disbelief. This had just been a fantasy, but now… Could building a life with Miranda be possible? Could you… Be a family?

“This baby is just as much yours as they are mine. If… That’s really what you want.” Miranda says, now unsure of how you’ll react to that prospect.

“That’s what I want, Miranda.” You tell her and softly wipe her tears. You give her one more kiss before you crouch down to cradle her belly. “Can I be your other parent, baby?” You ask. You don’t expect a response, but you quickly feel a firm kick to your hand. Almost as if the baby is agreeing with you.

“Did you feel that Miranda?!” You ask and stand up to look at her.

Miranda giggles. “I most certainly did, my love.” She says. “The baby likes that idea.” She grins.

You bring her in for a kiss and hope you can convey just how happy you are. This is a dream come true.

Masterlist

#re8 #re8 village #mother miranda #mother miranda x y/n #mother miranda x reader #resident evil village #resident evil imagines #resident evil 8 #resident evil #re8 shitpost

[reverie-starlight]

hello, hope ure doing well :D may i please request an akaashi fic where the reader is going thru grief of the passing of their mother and can’t focus in class leading onto low grades for their semester exam making them feel even worse bc that’s not what their mom wants (reader always gets good grades) and reader feels like a disappointment and just breaks down one day?? i’m so sorry if this is too specific, just finding it hard to cope and no one understands!! thank you so much <3

ANON I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, but I have literally been dealing with exactly what you requested (still am, but now I'm on reading week so :P). And since I'm literally writing this immediately after a rough grieving session of my own, I feel like now I can tackle it and do it justice. bc... as someone who also used to get good grades before my mom died then started almost failing everything after... this hits hard!!

And just another little side note, I'm so sorry for your loss. if you ever want to reach out to talk to someone who's going through the same thing, my inbox or my messages are always open <3 dead mom club solidarity !! thank you so much for your request, anon and again i'm SO sorry this took so long.

{Grades and Grief- Akaashi}

warnings: death of mother (mentioned and focused on, no descriptive details), depression/grief, anxiety, this counts as hurt/comfort right? fluff and lots of support from akaashi. university life needs to be a warning tbh so its here.

gn!reader, timeskip!akaashi (except it's more like, in between the time skip cause it's university)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

your heart dropped as you opened your emails and saw that the grades for your midterms had been posted.

on one hand you were hopeful. maybe you did better than you expected? maybe you would open up the online portal and see that you passed. just a pass, that's all you were hoping for at this point.

you ignored the way your stomach twisted at the fact that all you wanted was a pass. you used to be at the top of your classes in high school, and now you were barely scraping by.

but deep down you knew it would be a failing grade. it was getting impossible to hope for anything better. you could barely find it in yourself to go to class some days, let alone actually study. it required more brain power than you could expend.

and on the days you did go to class, you felt like a zombie. mindless, lethargic, stupid. definitely not in any condition to take notes that were good enough to aid you.

you opened the email and sighed. another fail. you tried to convince yourself that you'd do better next time. that you'd start studying earlier, you'd go to your professor's office hours and ask questions, you'd do the work that needed to be done.

your future was at stake, why couldn't you just put in the the work-

this was one test in one class. there would be other chances to raise your grade.

breathe.

how many times can I keep telling myself that before I stop believing it? before it becomes an empty promise?

breathe. you'll be okay.

it's self-sabotage, how much longer can I just stay like this? mom wouldn't have wanted this for me. she'd want to see me succeed. I'm such a-

breathe.

you tried to do exactly what your boyfriend kept telling you: be kind to yourself. "you're grieving the death of someone who was supposed to be there your whole life. the one person you never thought would leave. it's completely natural to be struggling with your mental health right now. don't be mean to yourself." is what he had said. "take the time to feel what you need to feel, bottling it up will only make it worse."

you sighed and curled yourself into a ball on your bed. you were finding it hard to breathe.

feel what you need to feel, huh? when was the last time you had a good cry session, anyway?

the tightness in your chest only grew as you started to tear up. you tried to keep the thoughts of being a disappointment to your mother away, but you glanced at the picture of her smiling face on your nightstand and winced.

if she could see you know, you wondered if she would be angry or comforting.

grieving was one of the loneliest experiences anyone could ever deal with. unique to each person, not one person to share the same memories with, becoming acutely aware of your own timeline. and not something that happens often to young people. none of your friends understood. they could try, but they'd never get it. and sometimes you felt like they didn't even care enough to attempt it.

you've never felt more alone and you've never been more aware of it.

"and if you ever need comfort, I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'm always here to listen. it's never going to be too much."

so instead of dwelling on it, you picked up your phone and called the one person who would.

it took three rings for akaashi to pick up.

the smile in his voice immediately soothed you. anything related to your boyfriend felt like a blanket to you. comforting, warm and soft. "hello, my love, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

you sniffed and tried to get some words out without choking up. "keiji," his name came out pitifully.

"oh sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"can you come over, please? I need you."

"of course I can, I'll be right there. I love you."

"I love you, please be careful."

the second you hung up the phone, you let more tears fall freely. you didn't even know what you were crying about anymore, there were so many emotions mixed up inside you. but for some reason you didn't want to fully let loose while you were alone. you wanted comfort when you were at your most vulnerable- comfort and validation you weren't capable of giving yourself in that moment. there was only one other person who could give you that now.

while you waited, you thought more about your mother. it really wasn't fair that you had to lose her, why did she have to go? it didn't matter how long it had been since she passed, this type of pain will be everlasting, you thought.

ten minutes later you heard the door to your apartment unlock and you got up to greet him. he had a bunch of bags in his arms that he set down the minute he saw you walk out of your room.

he held his arms open and you crashed into him immediately. finally you felt safe enough to let the dam break. akaashi shushed you as you sobbed into his chest, rubbing your back gently and whispering soft affirmations into your ears.

"what happened, my love?"

"I- I failed another test," you hiccupped. "and I don't know what to do to help myself get out of this hole."

"oh dear... it's going to be okay."

he tenderly picked you up and carried you to the bedroom and you continued to cry into his shoulder. his heart broke at the sound of your whimpers.

once you were both settled comfortably on your bed, you took one of his hands and played with his fingers. "keiji, am I a disappointment?"

he shook his head before you could even finish speaking. "never."

"I just feel like I'm letting so many people down, myself included, but mainly my mom... her one request throughout my whole life was that I do my best in school. and now I'm failing and I can't help but think-" your voice cracked and he cupped your cheek with his other hand.

"baby, look at me. you are not a disappointment, okay? you are so far from that ever even being a possibility. and she would be so proud of you."

you looked up at him and your eyes widened. "but I'm not living up to her expectations-"

"you're doing your best. she would understand that."

"I'm not, though!" a flash of red hot anger ran through you. "I'm not doing my best! If I were doing my best, I'd be passing. I'd be studying, paying attention in my classes and not just staying in bed. not just staring at the ceiling and dissociating for hours when I need to be working on assignments. I'm not doing my best and I don't know how to fix it!" instead of getting upset at you for blowing up, he just listened to what you were saying.

as you got up to pace the room, you kept ranting. "I know something needs to change, I can't keep going on like this, but it's like I'm stuck, keiji, I don't know what to do and I'm so angry. and I'm tired, exhausted, actually. I hate this, I feel useless. I'm in limbo. I don't know why I can't force myself to change, but I'm absolutely not doing my best."

true anger wasn't an emotion you felt often before your mom died, but now you were well acquainted with it. you thanked your lucky stars you scored a partner as patient as akaashi.

"have you considered that you're doing the best with what you have right now?"

you paused and looked at him. "what?"

he shifted and took your hand. "my love, you've been through something extremely traumatic. you've told me before that you've been in survival mode for a very long time now. that's not your fault. you can't control it on your own. keeping that in mind, you absolutely are doing your best. you get up and keep going everyday. even though it scares you. you're still kind, and actively striving to be a good person. this rough patch is temporary, everything will be okay. she would be proud of you for everything you've overcome so far."

you bit your lip and looked down, shaking your head. "what if this is 'my best' forever? what if I'm not capable of changing anymore?"

"anyone is capable of change at any given time, my love, you're the one who told me that. I promise you, everything will be okay. and besides," he tugged your hand to guide you onto his lap. "the willingness to change and not just refuse to heal is there."

"but what if it takes too long?"

"it won't. there's no such thing as too long, everyone's healing process is different. and you have me by your side as well, ready to help however you need." he finished his speech with a kiss to your nose and you smiled a bit.

"...thank you, keiji. I love you."

"I love you too, dear. I'll be here as long as you'll let me."

"forever, if that's alright with you?"

"of course, my love." his arms tightened around you.

"can we stay like this for a bit longer?"

"mhmm, you've had a big day. we can cuddle for as long as you need."

you buried your face into the crook of his neck and planted a few kisses. "I love you,"

he kissed the top of your head. "I love you too, sweetheart."

you repeated the phrase over and over again, smiling a little wider each time he returned the sentiment with a kiss to your face.

"can I ask you one more thing?"

"go ahead."

"are you proud of me despite me failing so much this year?"

"I'm so proud of you, baby. nothing would ever change that."

looking up at him with wide eyes, he just smiled and leaned down to kiss your lips. "so proud of my baby. always trying their best. so sweet, so kind, just needs to be loved on a little extra sometimes. all mine."

a happy sigh was released, and with it, most of the tension in your body, so you rested against your boyfriend. "all yours."

you felt a lot better now. not perfect, and still uncertain about some things, but at least with akaashi there you knew you didn't have to go it alone.

~BONUS SCENE~

after a while of cuddling in bed, a thought hit you and you shot up, obviously in a clearer, less fuzzy state of mind.

"love, what were all those bags you had earlier? did you stop somewhere before you came?"

his eyes widened a bit and a blush spread over his cheeks. "yes and no. uh... before you called, I was actually picking us up some food and other things for a stay-in date night. I was planning on surprising you today."

you could have burst into tears again at how cute his confession was. "keijiiiii, you're so sweet!" you ran your fingers through his hair a bit and he melted into the touch. "what a sweet boy I have," you cooed.

he made a noise of protest and you giggled. "can we go see what you bought? please?"

he nodded and smiled at you. he was so glad you seemed to be in better spirits now. there wasn't anything akaashi keiji wouldn't do to see you happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this was literally just me projecting holy shit. that was really a look inside my brain, wow. but anon I hope you enjoyed it!! and I hope it was worth the wait, I'm so so so so sorry it took so long. this is the first thing I've managed to write in a while (and I wrote this all in one sitting!!). But the ask was very therapeutic for me, I really need this type of validation :'D

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keiji fluff #akaashi x reader fluff #akaashi x reader angst #akaashi keiji angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader fluff #haikyuu x reader angst

[jakowskis]

Day 1 - How did you first get into Torchwood?

fdhkf ok ok so basically. i do not remember exactly what happened. this happens to me often like i can never remember what i came across that first got me into the media. with torchwood i at least know it was the fact that everyone was bi, but i dont rmr if i saw a post about it, or if i was fucking around on tvtropes or something - i legit cannot remember. i remember seeing a gifset of gay torchwood kisses p early on, but i dont think that was like the inciting incident? that mighta come about when i was doing research into the alleged fruitiness FHSJDFKDS. i do know i've been aware of jack as a character for at least a decade, like i'd heard of the harkness test + i was aware that he was 'that slutty doctor who guy', and also, coincidentally, in the fandom i was in in 2015, someone wrote a crossover fic where my fav slept with jack and ianto and i read it 😭 had no idea who they were, i hopefully at least googled them but fhsdjkf. but anyway i was like 'ooh a show with an all bisexual cast? color me intrigued.' i'd never touched dw either, i had friends who liked it when i was in middle school but i always saw it as kinda dorky fhsdkj (namely cuz my friends were dorks), but yeah, i was reeled in by the concept of sci-fi bisexuals. but not fully! it was in like 'yeah ill put that on my watchlist and get around to it in 2 yrs' territory

but then, as im looking into it, i realize owen's played by burn gorman, who i only knew from pac rim, which i'd fixated on briefly in 2018, riiiight before pru came out. my pr fixation p much revolved entirely around newt; i liked newmann, but i didn't get super into it. hermann himself was kind of an afterthought, i wasn't big on him at the time. anyway i saw owen and recognized hermann's actor, and my initial reaction was like "WHAT DO U MEAN HERMANN FUCKING GOTTLIEB'S IN THE SLUTTY BISEXUAL SHOW??? THIS I MUST SEE! HERMANN GOTTLIEB KISS MEN REAL NOT CLICKBAIT?!?!?!!??" and that was literally the thing that made me watch it. LAWL and the first few eps were so damn jarring bc i continued to just associate owen with hermann initially. and worse yet, ive now developed a hefty crush on burn himself lmao, i think he's gorg and ive watched a lot of his stuff, but before i got into torchwood i only knew him from PR and i didnt find hermann attractive or even rlly compelling in the slightest (this has changed significantly; im in my hermann era as a pr fan. newt who). so it was also a lot of "WTF WHY IS HE HOT??? HUH???? DUDE NO WAY." it's since lost its novelty, but it was very jarring + amusing to me at first, trying to reconcile owen n hermann. its like if u ran into ur frumpy weird professor at leather night and he was the twink of ur dreams FDSKJFHDSKJFDSK

yeah so then i watched the show and it fucking smacked me over the head with a shovel bc its so fucking bad but its so fucking good. and very quickly my view of owen went from "wait a mf second why is not-hermann kind of 🫦 hiii mean slutty hermann hiii" to "wait. oh hes fucked up. oh hes sad. oh no i love him" to him being my third favorite character of all time. fff. but more on that tomorrow! hehehehe

#tdot #txt #some of these will be short i promise but a lot of them will probs be. rambly n ridic like this HFSDKF sowwy

[idealspawn]

i got the highest grade possible for one of my philosophical essays but i dont even care. my professor told me in the feedback that my writing style is too complex, again. im so tired of it. i felt like i already intentionally made this essay extremely simple in wording but apparently i didnt. if i made it even simpler the idea simply wouldnt be able to translate. i literally had a huge paragraph talking abt why schools shouldnt strictly push analytic philosophy onto everyone over continental philosophy. the sentences are complex for a purpose. the point of philosophy isnt only writing fucking dry concepts but the emotional poetic nature that comes alongside it which simply isnt achievable when following the idea that the shorter the words and the lesser the amount of words used gets the point across supposedly more authentically. long complex words are necessary for rhythm, for emphasis, for accuracy. using multiple adjectives is important to getting the point across same to everyone with all the correct etymological connotations exactly in the way the author intended it. every connotation isnt always implicit for the reader even if it is for the author. the point of complex writing is to take the reader by the hand and on an emotional journey through metaphysical rooms in the mind. the point is the process itself not the overly simplified outcome. the feeling is an integral and irreplaceable part to philosophy. you cant grasp complex ideas fully without using fucking complicated language. analytic philosophy claims to be more concrete but logic and structure alone without experiencing the emotions cant possibly be concrete. philosophy needs the poetic part too, desperately, for accuracy. im tired. i came to uni so i wouldnt have to baby everyone through my ideas because the audience i am writing to are LITERAL SPECIALISTS in the field. i am aware that SOMETIMES i can go too far with the complex sentence structures and its fair but a lot of the times its literally necessary. the professors or peers never even fucking tell me what exactly should be different or how i could change it. how am i supposed to work on it if idk what to work on. if i knew or agreed that my writing is clumsy and complex i wouldnt fucking write like this. it feels literally so bizarre, as if i am living a diff reality to others. how is it fucking possible that i SIMPLY cant see what everyone else around me sees in my writing. their generally suggested style of writing is what i usually perceive as clumsy not mine. i dont get it. i dont want my writing to be stripped of any fucking personality just to please people who fucking cant grasp complex ideas. im sorry i know i should write for the reader but i cant fucking change my expression that much either. i tried SO HARD to change it in this essay but apparently its still too complicated. if i went any further it wouldnt simply be my writing anymore bc its so deviated from my original style and ideas. the complicated structures also give access to the complicated ideas. fuck idk. im sorry i know its not that bad and im overreacting but this kind of feedback is driving me insane. i keep getting it and i try to change but i just cant. my f brain just works differently idk. i feel helpless.

[pansyfemme]

oh man your tags on your previous post. I am also binary in a atypical way; both binaries for the price of one in my case (bigender) and while many consider themselves nonbinary along with that label, I… vehemently do not. ough the amount of. conversations I’ve needed to have with people about they/theming binary trans people and/or people who explicitly do not use they/them. I am not “nonbinary” or a “they/them” because I do not perform gender conformity well enough. gnc-ness or gender subversion in general is not a negation of gender identity. sending you luck out there

thank you, it's really nice to hear from someone feeling similarly. I've had a number of strange discussions about gender, and honestly i can't always tell you where i lie. the way i think of it, i'm male. 1000% male. but tbh. i cannot tell you my "male" and a cis guys "male" is the same. or that my "male" is the same as other trans guys I know. but yknow. while i doubt my gender belongs on the cisnormative idea of a gender binary- i think its probably not what people are expecting as a binary "male" gender- it's male to me, and so i identify as somewhere in the world between binary and not, if you really want to get deep about it. either way tho. if you ask me, im a guy, a binary guy. whether that binary is binary or not.

I'm never really sure why i started the whole gnc thing. To me, it's "crossdressing" but i don't use that word a lot bc it confuses people. I'm not always trying to look like a woman, but it is a bit of a performance for me, i do get a bit of a thrill out of being a spectacle, of being unidentifiable as a man or a woman. And as such, i don't really mind what strangers call me. I get a bit pissed when im fully in boy clothes with my facial hair out and get called a lady, but yknow. whatever. maybe they just thought i was a really cool butch, im fine with that. I'm proud of being a femme, of being a gay dude. I like when im seen as such, but i can't exactly pick and choose how people see me when im purposly blurring the lines. I used to wear my pronouns on my mask back at the beginning of the pandemic, when i first got back into wearing skirts, but that only worked abt 50% of the time. plus, women's bathrooms are cleaner, even if it does terrify me to go into either gendered toilet.

The issue though- arises is that publically, to those who know me, to my classmates, my professors, my friends- my gender isn't ambigious. I am very, extremly clear about my pronouns and my gender, i say it a lot, too much, honestly. But still, they/them is the most commonly used pronoun set for me, despite me being vocal that i use exclusivly he/him. It's not a secret, it is easily found, accesible information. if someone does ask me my pronouns, i don't mind even. at least then, i can make sure that they know them. but no matter what i do, i'm still referred to neutrally. It's not as bad as being called she/her, but it is a bit of a sting to the heart. I'm not a masc guy, i don't care if im "manly enough" to prove im a guy, i just have the simple hope that if i give people clear instructions on how to not make me feel like shit, they will follow them. I know people aren't trying to be malicious, people make assumptions about gender all the time. The fact that i 'pass as nonbinary' without even trying would be a lifetime achievment for other trans people i know. But the reality is, i'm not other trans people- i am just a dude with a 'typical' gender who does things in an 'atypical' way.

The one thing that has come of a lot of this, as my body became more masculine and my clothes more feminine, is that I have found a few people who didn't know my agab. They weren't surprised i'm trans, but i doubt they'd be either if i said i was a cis dude. It's just become that kind of way. I don't claim to pass as cis normally, im not trying to do that or particurally instrested in the ability to do so outside of casual situations and when it might be in my best intrest to try and do so. But the reality is, a lot of people see me, see my beard and my flat chest, my skirts and my longer hair, and they aren't able to catogorize me. And when i say im a boy, they are so confused about why a boy would be wearing what i do to even consider i might not actually have a dick. It's a funny thing.

i dont really know what to say. honestly its like. just up and down. i have no plans to stop presenting the way i do or calling myself the words i do, but i do think about it a lot. I do think about how people view me.

[rahleeyah]

Do you ever think about Olivia's/Serena's family? Serena was in her early 20s when Olivia was born so it would be unusual that her parents were already out of the picture. In The Blood has me thinking about this especially because Serena had essentially told Olivia that if she kept the baby she would be on her own. Is that what happened to Serena's family? Did they make her choose and she chose to keep her baby? Thank you for writing this story! It's one of my all time favorites!

this is a great question and i think about it all the time!!!!

(before i get started, thank you so much for your kind words about ITB! i'm so glad you're enjoying it)

so i have two different self-indulgent headcanons about serena's background/why we never hear liv talk about grandparents/aunts/uncles.

option a:

rich girl liv. i am in love with the idea of serena the only child of wealthy parents (which would explain how she could afford to finish her education to the level of becoming a professor while raising a child on her own), who didn't necessarily cut her off when they found out she was pregnant, but weren't exactly thrilled about it. they gave money in lieu of any actual support. the relationship was frosty at best, and maybe grandpa died when liv was small and grandma lived out her days at a very expensive retirement community somewhere warm, and serena never really tried very hard to build a relationship between olivia and her grandparents. but they did leave a healthy inheritance, which explains liv's never ending closet and knowledge of high fashion and how she affords that fucking tardis apartment and a basically full time nanny.

option b:

it's the 60s y'all. iirc serena was working in the dining hall to pay her way through school (as someone who also worked the dining hall in college i love this idea actually) and the actress who played serena the one time we see her on screen is actually southern, and what if serena, young and full of dreams, left behind a conservative southern family (perhaps rich!! also!!) to make it on her own in the big city. what if they did cut her off - or she cut herself off from them bc of their judgment - when she found out she was pregnant? per the svu wiki liv was born in feb of '68, so serena found out she was pregnant in the 60s, and the 60s were swinging for some but it's still an incredibly hard time to have been a single, pregnant woman, and judgment was fierce. hell, down here judgment is still fierce if you end up pregnant outside of marriage in some communities. serena the black sheep, either not welcomed back into the fold or spurning them before they get a chance to turn her out. good god let me one day write a fic where liv gets an inheritance from an aunt she never knew about and finds herself spending a few days in mississippi or some shit meeting the family she never knew she had.

and the thing is! bc the show has told us literally NOTHING about this, somehow, the answer can be anything we want it to be and there are so many really interesting angles to take with this.

thank you for asking!!

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu

[aclosetfan]

I’d argue the worst part of ‘violent perv’ Butch is it reflects how the author views the girls, especially Buttercup. These are girls who have good in their heart and stand for what’s right, why would they keep around a guy who is constantly fighting and constantly horny (and gross about it)? Why do they (and it’s usually BC) never see themselves as deserving better and just accept that Butch is the guy they’re meant to fall for/be with? WHERE’S THE PROFESSOR HE WOULDN’T ALLOW THIS? Surely Miss Bellum or Ms Keane would intervene at this point seeing as they intervened once upon a time. It just makes my feel icky for the girls and sad they’d have to end up with that kind of Butch, especially when in terms of BC, it’s just to quickly push the greens together so the focus can go back to the reds being absolute gods. On a better note, I love your additions!! Especially escargot I love the thought that it’s forbidden food at the rowdy home.

EXACTLY.

In terms of Buttercup, it’s always the most annoying thing in the world. It disregards any character growth she went through in the show regarding her aggression, highlights her personality when she was groomed by ace, and ignores how important her family’s opinion is to her. Ppl always make her excessively violent or verbally degrading towards Butch (ig as Butch’s punishment even tho it never fixes the behavior), and I’m there like 🫢🫢 “is it suppose to be funny??” “are they going to get over themselves??”

I don’t know if ppl enjoy it for the “taming the beast” fantasy, but the taming part is always like:

Butch sat at the bar. His drink was empty. A girl across the way was looking at him.

I should fuck her, he thought. She’s was a ten and so obviously desperate for his attention, but he knew her type of girl and he wasn’t interested anymore.

Wait!? He wasn’t interested anymore? When did that happen?

He thought of Buttercup. She was an unlikeable bitch, who was still feminine and hot. She was also the one bitch who could kick his ass and drink him underneath the table. And she was mouthy. He liked mouthy. And he wanted her, but she was always saying no to him. How was he supposed to sleep with her, if she was too strong to fight off his advances?

He slammed his drink down on the bar.

He was done being a playboy. He needed to find Buttercup.

And then it’s like:

“Butterbitch, I love you.”

“No, fuck you. I bet you have a small dick. I’m badass and you suck.” Buttercup said with feminine tears in her eyes because she was badass but still a girl. She struggled against his rougher masculine body as he pinned her to a wall. This surprised her because she was so strong and tough, and no one—no man—could hold her down.

A wolfish smile spread across his face because Butch was a lone wolf kind of bad boy, “you wanna bet?”

[aggressive but incredibly vanilla sex scene]

And then it’s like:

“Blossom, me and asshole had sex, so I guess he’s my friend-with-benefits now. I’m still feminine, but not as feminine as you, so the sex is rough. Also, we’re both too cool for labels, even though the plot is clearly setting us up as a couple, so if you call him my boyfriend before the shitty half paragraph 15 chapters from now establishing that, I will punch a hole through your downtown hip loft and storm out.”

“As long as you don’t cuss, I will literally never care about or hear anything you ever say to me, Buttercup.“ Blossom rolled her eyes, “Now, I’m too busy to focus on your boyfriend. Unfortunately, his older, hotter, and more mature older-dad-brother has figured out a riddle the fanfic author spent two minutes googling, and has demonstrated that he’s smarter then me. This is distressing because I find his degrading, patronizing gloating hot.”

“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!” Buttercup growled like a wild woman, punching a wall. Her green eyes sparked with fury, but the look was nothing like Blossom’s. Her incredibly pink globes cut Buttercup like ice, reminding them all that she had ice powers and stopping Buttercup in her tracks. Buttercup was intimidated, which, for the 100th time in this story, showed that while Buttercup was supposedly the toughest, wildest, and most violent powerpuff girl, Blossom was still the better one in charge.

A second ticked by before Buttercup stormed out.

“I’ll never understand why she hates me,” Blossom sighed, a single tear running down her left cheek, “I need to call Brick.”

“I’ll always be there for—“ Bubbles tried to say something from her corner of the room after the author realized they had forgotten to mention her in awhile.

“Bubbles, stop. Don’t get involved. Please,” Blossom smiled sadly because she was always sad and had ice powers and the weight of the world on her shoulders, “shouldn’t you be getting ready for your date with Boomer, the nice brother we also haven’t mentioned in awhile?”

“Boomie!” Bubbles cried, snuggling her stuff animals because she was mentally still a child, “You’re not dumb!”

And he wasn’t. In fact, he had a degree in Astro physics he was just hiding for some reason or something. Idk, Brick was still smarter tho.

And then, to be extra salty, the fic reviews are always like:

rrbboyzlovrrs: this is LITERALLY the best thing I have ever read. Like butch is so hot and omg I love how you added the blues, so cute. >///< and go blossom!!!! She really went off!! I hope brick makes her feeelllll better~~ update soon!

#enjoy my spoof on shitty fanfics #this is my magnum opus #also the escargot thing was from the comics!! #Butch didn’t like it #but boomer and brick were good with the food lmaoooo #anon asks

[missnight0wl]

Year 7 Chapter 45

The only thing I like about this chapter is the "You can't be nice" option and the conversation after that. I love JC for that. But the way Jacob switched up so fast is suspicious (so is his whole character...) Like alright, him being civil to get answers makes some sense. But him staying with Peregrine to talk after MC left? Last time he wouldn't even wait for MC bc he hated their father sooo much. Come on, JC. You can do better than that.

Year 7 Chapter 44

I don't understand Olivia's character. At all. But she said she wanted to be friends with her students, right? Then what's with Dumbledore saying "Professor Green, have you brought more students in need of discipline?"? She's been there for like a week.

These probably aren't big things, but still. Anyway, have a good day!

I read your message before reading the new dialogues, and I was expecting the “You can't be nice” part to be about Merula. But Jacob is alright too. I wouldn’t necessarily say I “love” it, but I agree it’s nice to have this option. And the story we learn in this conversation is quite interesting.

I don’t know if that’s just me, but I feel like since Shiratori’s trial, we hear more and more about the past relationship between the siblings not being so ideal – and I wonder what’s the reason. I mean, I know I’m biased here because I identify “past Jacob” with my own Jacob, but… I just don’t see that “past Jacob” locking their sibling in the cupboard, for example. Or in the recent chapter, Jacob said that he was jealous when MC was born. They both were blaming each other for being horrible as kids. Nothing of it is alarming or anything, but still – it doesn’t feel right to me.

Admittedly, MC’s picture of Jacob when he was missing was surely idealised a bit, so it might explain why they never talked about such stories. And people like Madam Rosmerta (who once called Jacob “quiet” and “sweet”) didn’t know what he was like at home, so there’s also that, I guess.

Back to your message, though. I agree that it’s quite suspicious how easily Peregrine wins Jacob over. But as I keep saying, I’m fully expecting to be betrayed by Jacob, one way or the other, so… I can’t say I’m surprised. I don’t understand what exactly Jam City is doing anymore, but… Do not trust the Fugly Slut.

Finally, I have to agree with you about Olivia as well. I’m kind of confused by her character, and frankly, I don’t really like her. It’s not that I dislike her, but I dunno. Maybe it’s because her whole plotline is a total mess. The idea with the memories seemed promising at first, but once again, I don’t think Jam City actually knows what they’re doing. The only way I see it could work is if those memories can clear Rakepick’s name. Because otherwise, why would Rakepick keep them? Although it’s ridiculous either way that the vials are still at Rakepick’s old office, somehow. Oh, and Rakepick didn’t mention in Azkaban that the box she wanted is at Hogwarts. But who cares, right? It’s too hard to check what you wrote a couple of chapters earlier.

And it’s a very good point about the situation with Dumbledore! Seriously, how many students “needing discipline” did she manage to bring already? No, you’re right that it’s weird. And by the way, I find it rather odd that Dumbledore addresses her: “Professor Green”. I mean, this one is probably way less important than your remark, but still. Isn’t he actually known for calling everyone by their first name once he talks to them? And he’d use “Professor Lastname” only when talking about them to the students? Eh.

Anyway, I hope you’re having a great weekend! :)

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm spoilers #hphm datamine #hphm mc #hphm jacob #hphm peregrine #olivia green #albus dumbledore #ask #anonymous

[artekai]

All righty. So. The OBVIOUS idea is Takuto, but instead I'm gonna throw you a curveball: Sylens >:3

Y'ALL KNOW ME TOO WELL (bc I can never shut up but STILL) LMAO THANKS NIX

What I like about them

Ohhhh idk how I wasn't smitten by him right away because oh my god his voice <333 But also his one-liners!! He's so unapologetically mean and it's amusing to watch lol.

What I dislike about them

Needs more HFW screentime :')

Also, I think it would be nice if he had random voice lines in HZD, like a sarcastic quip when you fall down a cliff or get hit by a machine, or hurrying you up when he's waiting for you, or commenting on side quests and stuff like that. I know he's more of a "don't say more than what's necessary" kind of guy, but I just think that would be neat :3

Favourite moment

I liked the "two moms" line, he basically validated me shipping Lis x GAIA, said gay rights, and dismissed Aloy's feelings in the middle of her existential crisis all at the same time lmao. Amazing.

I also liked him torturing HADES, idk. He usually doesn't do the dirty work himself so I guess it's neat to know he's still willing to do it lol. And I do support him getting the last laugh ^^

Least favourite moment

Hmm, nothing comes to mind. I did feel betrayed when he ran off with HADES in HZD lmao, but I didn't dislike it. I already knew he couldn't be trusted but I still did, so. Guess that one's on me :')

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

I wanna know a little about his past, why he thinks the way he does, where he comes from, if he wants knowledge for the sake of knowledge or something else... ;-; Mystery is part of the appeal but I'm curious lol.

An interesting AU for this character

One of the biggest losses of Artekai not being canon is that we'll never see him interact with Sylens :') (Not TRULY).

But that's still in the same universe, so I'll say that I do sometimes rotate a modern AU in my mind where Sylens is just a frustrated college professor and Aloy is the only student he respects lol. I don't have any concrete ideas but I do enjoy the vibes :3

A crossover

Still relevant to Artekai and terribly self-indulgent, but sometimes I think of the cryo sleep Takuto AU and I wanna see him interact with Sylens ^^ Takuto is such a perfect target for little quips lol. My guess is that Sylens would appreciate his research but criticize him for caring too much, which is honestly fair. Maybe it'd be good for both of them to rub off on each other a little, haha.

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

Eh, I don't really have any strong preferences ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Other ships?

Honestly given Sylens' nature I'm already intrigued by the general idea of ships involving him lol. But, in particular, you know I wanna see someone attempt to ship him with HADES lmao. And I KNOW I feel very weird and alone in this take, but is it bad that I want to see Sylens develop unwanted feelings for an AI since he looks down on all other humans and HADES is his main source of the knowledge he so desperately wants?

BROTP

Sylens x "I hate that I have morals now"? lmao. No but I do enjoy his interactions with Aloy, I just wouldn't exactly call them friends lol. At least not at this point in time. Maybe in another world :') Maybe in the college professor AU 👀

NOTP

Eh, I haven't really seen any that would classify yet ¯_(ツ)_/¯

An assortment of headcanons! 

Brain's fried right now, sorry, I've got nothing :')

#tumblr deleted my post and i had to type all of this a second time ;;;-;;; #ask tag #nicxan #long post

[1d1195]

STOMACH ISSUES?! bestie WE ARE THE SAME! I sadly have stomach problems too lol But Im glad that it wasn't anything too serious and that you feel better! Let's hope you won't get sick because it's already a bit tragic with the period lol oh don't even get me started on allergies!

I may have a controversial opinion but I feel like we should bring back skinny jeans!! of course people are allowed to wear whatever they want and it shouldn't matter if it's it trendy but I kinda miss seeing it more lol What sports did you play? I don't think you've mentioned that before but if you did im sorry! But it sucks that you did have some form of damage :( But wedges are cute! they are definitely more comfortable! I feel the same way about platform shoes/heels like idk something about it makes me feel so GOOD! If i could even wear a cute little mary jane heel everyday I would be happy lol But i can't do that due to walking way too much and I REFUSE to use an electric scooter on campus lol

Being a dentist is wild bc i could not do what they do 😭

My TA is still hot lol Didn't see him as much this week because our classes were cancelled due to the professor being out of town :( But ugh Sam he's so attractive like he's just existing and walking around lecture when we have to talk in groups and he just looks so 😵‍💫 My friend in that class pointed out that he has a nice nose which i once again DIDNT EVEN NOTICE 😭 so theres more evidence for my nose thing apparently 😔

YES TO SHOPPING!!!! Enjoy your weekend my love, you deserve it and more💗 I love you!-💜

SO I spent $180 and saved $130 which is honestly not that great in my opinion but could have been worse. I once got a pair of American Eagle jeans for $0.01 and I’ve been trying to achieve that high ever since.

I don’t have horrible stomach issues fortunately (my sister took that on for me thankfully 😅) I’m more of a headache girly lol. Every day at 3pm like clockwork. Is it head trauma or from teaching teens all day?? We’ll never know (it’s teaching). But my stomach is very sensitive sometimes (I think it’s hormones). Speaking of, no illness it’s just my period rn right on cue, first day of break ✌🏻

Omg please I hope they come back around I’m not exactly a petite lady so I can’t with the flare/boot cut jeans. They make me look so rectangular (more than I already am), short, and frumpy that’s why I like skinny jeans so much 😂

I love shoes I don’t even care what kind they’re so fun and I think they can pull a whole outfit together. It’s def wedge season now so I’m very excited about that. When I was a child I rocked a tutu and patent leather and Mary Jane’s for about a whole year of my life. It was the last time I wore them and I think cute little Mary Jane’s would be so fun for me now (but seem a little wintry so I’ll wait till the fall) ☺️ I love that for you and don’t blame you at all. There will be time when you get your career and you can wear Mary Jane’s everyday! I can’t imagine the electric scooter I would cry 🤣 I miss that most about college: all the walking. It was so nice (except in the snow/rain) but when it was nice it was cool everything was close by and walkable (I grew up in a rural-ish area so you had to drive to get anywhere).

I wasn’t full blown tomboy but my dad instilled Boston sports in my blood. I played soccer, softball, and volleyball for major periods of time in my life. Soccer was my favorite but ruined my ankles :( I loved fielding but hated batting in softball. Volleyball was by far the most fun but I wasn’t very good. I enjoyed back row. I love watching most sports 💕 I can cheer on any team the bar has a consensus of rooting for when I go out 🤣

I’m dying about the nose. But I love that for you 💕 I hope you get to see him more in the coming week. I think I would swoon if he walked by me during class being attractive AND smart. I used to be a TA actually. I don’t think any of them thought I was hot but to be fair who would ever like the weird math nerd 😂 I used to make them review sheets with math puns (Sum-things to Know was how I reviewed the chapter on summations)

I LOVE YOU

Xoxo

#💜

[cupid-styles]

Hi bestie! I saw a couple of days ago you said you were going through it so I just wanted to send you some love and say I hope you’re doing okay <3 I’ve been really struggling recently too and you should know that reading your stories is a great escape for me and I love being a part of this little community of besties that you’ve created <3

It was a while ago but I sent you an ask about tattoorry and thanked you for putting t/w about weight/dieting because I so appreciated knowing that going in and I just wanted to reiterate what the majority of people have said about your profrry warnings which is that you can never over tag when it comes to that stuff and it just shows that you’re a responsible and thoughtful writer! ((I know you’re not talking about this anymore so you don’t have to respond to this part but I just wanted you to know.))

Speaking of profrry!! I absolutely loved it bestie!! He is such a misunderstood cutie pie and I think they’re exactly what the other needs! I know someone else mentioned it but him immediately going to buy the heater after she said it was cold in his office without even really realising that he’s doing it was the cutest!! And wanting her to pick out the lamp?? He loves her <3

I 100% agree with the idea that he would have a cat but in my head he would name her after a literature character as he’s an English professor after all!! As you mentioned Ophelia from Hamlet I think that would be super cute :’) I can just imagine when she goes to his place for the first time and the little kitten comes over to investigate because there’s someone new and when he tells y/n her name and she guesses what book it’s from without him having to say and they just have a cute little book nerd moment <3 I don’t know, whatever you write will be cute but this was just an idea! Your writing is just amazing and I can’t wait to see more of them!

Anyway, sorry for this ridiculously long ask! Do you have a butterfly anon? If not, could that be mine? <3

bestie im really gonna cry on the spot, this is SO incredibly kind of you to send in. im putting the rest of my answer under the cut bc I fear I have a lot to say too HAHA

yes omg OF COURSE I remember your message about the weight tw!!! that honestly made me really glad that I added it in bc I knew it at least made a difference in one person's reading experience and like ive said a bunch, I never want to be the reason why someone feels triggered or bad. it means a lot to me that you think I'm a responsible and thoughtful writer bc I really strive to make all of the lovely people who read my things feel loved and cared for. so thank you so much :')

im so happy you liked profrry too!! I think you said it perfectly, he's def misunderstood but I feel like they could provide a good amount of brightness to the other's life :)

and we are MOST DEFFFF on the same brain wavelength BECAUSEEEEE the reason why I named the story daisy is bc one of the flowers ophelia is holding when she d*es is daisies!!!! they apparently mean innocence which like... meh not too meaningful to the story lol (but maybe a little bit bc I guess you could argue there's a level of innocence to their relationship of just simply wanting to love each other). the rest of the flowers are like... fennel, pansies, and rue (which don't sound fun) and rosemary and columbine (which bestie moonchildstyles has stories named after SO I didn't wanna step on her toes!!!). BUT YEAH I ACTUALLY REALLY LOVE THE IDEA OF NAMING HER OPHELIA!!!!! you're so smart for that bestie hehe

I don't have a butterfly bestie but you can absolutely have that emoji!!!!! thank you again for just being so incredibly kind and thoughtful and sweet. you 100% didn't have to send this in and it just means so so much to me that you took the time to do so :) ily!!!

#bestie asks #🦋 anon

[t4tbruharvey]

Oohhhhhh yess yesss that sounds so fun! Yeah werewolves as sort-of-highwaymen makes so much sense, especially because then maybe some people could also dismiss the rumors of werewolves existing as "this is just robber bands attacking people to steal from them" instead of. Y'know. Werewolf packs. Which makes me wonder: do your werewolves have guilds? Because werewolf guilds seems like a fun concept. Also I love the bit about identity!! Yeah becoming a werewolf would make you question your place in society, but with the "maybe society never accepted him in the first place" it's even better because yeah before the werewolf thing he probably would have been able to still 'blend in' somewhat by hiding the parts of himself that society doesn't want to see but being a werewolf would make that so much harder.. which actually does make me wonder how transness was seen in the renaissance or middle ages, because considering some of the things I now know about renaissance ideas of how gender works as well as some Ancient Greek myths I do feel like being transmasc might actually not have been as stigmatized as you'd expect (using the general you here. But also hell yeah to using stories as a way to deal with personal trauma, I hope writing it can be cathartic for you!! (also I hope this makes sense ahdhhd))

And yesss! Oh I love that idea with the reversed spell that's amazing it's so fun!!! Poor Ivy though ofc...do you have an idea why the sorcerer would do that to her if she was their apprentice? Jealousy about her abilities maybe or just an accident? (also Harley mistaking joker for a seelie fae would be so fun and makes a lot of sense in an AU context too...do you know the poem The Erlking ? Because it kind of reminds me of that)

And yes it's very interesting! But like I said it's also nsfw so I'm gonna write it down in a separate ask so that you don't have to publish it to answer or anything! Something non-nsfw about renaissance body things though: in the Middle Ages and the renaissance people thought that the body had a certain connection to the astral plane, specifically they thought that certain regions of the human body directly correlated to the zodiac signs. So if you had a certain malady then one solution would have been to let blood at the respective zodiac-sign-spot. The example our professor gave was that if someone had trouble with love (or the physical aspects of it) the bloodletter would let blood at the spot correlated to the zodiac sign cancer, since that one was associated with love and sexuality. Another fun thing would be the four humor theory (that's something I feel could well play into Harvey's whole deal actually) or the renaissance idea of how conception works and what causes children to be how they are (that one is very wild and very interesting and again probably would play into how those people see transness)

YES YES EXACTLY werewolf packs blaming werewolf activity is EXACTLY what they have going on. especially maroni bc his whole operation WAS a guild in that i pulled the byzantine concept of having warehouses on the docks as a specific semi-official channel and THAT was filled with essentially the mafia but they're all werewolves and maroni could just blame werewolf stuff on smugglers because he was basically just hiding in plain sight :)

and like the fitting into society thing is partly gender and sexuality stuff and partly his normal mental health issues that he tries to smooth over and present as perfect and that fosters jealousy from some people so they start looking for flaws which makes him put up even higher walls and it's this vicious cycle that does nothing for him and what does he get out of it? an idea of harvey dent? some sort of concept of the perfect man and in this au perfect knight? a chivalric ideal he'll never be able to live up to? man like who even wants to be part of society if that's the prize. gender is just another aspect of it and i think the heightened scrutiny might lead to a weirder slightly more uncomfortable relationship with gender than most people would have in that society, which is a nice contrast to harley who i think doesn't necessarily get to be stealth and maybe wouldn't really want to be because she has the protection of, uh. not living in a society.

i think with ivy it was DEFINITELY deliberate idk if it was jealousy or that she uncovered something more sinister yet but both of those will probably play into it because woodrue definitely 100% did that shit on purpose he just thought it would be instantaneous. also i haven't read the erlking the poem but i HAVE read the bloody chamber and that has a whole chapter devoted to it and i AM giving the joker greenish teeth because of it lol. and like the actual spooky parts of the erlking and the exploitative undertones but yeah i'm ripping a fair bit from the bloody chamber which RULES by the way for anyone who hasn't read it

i just got your other ask and i DO have tea so i'm gonna read it but yeah i vaguely know abt the humours theory i think? the conception stuff sounds so interesting and definitely is a theme bc dick is here in this au yaaay little guy hallie forced me to include him yaayyy and ZODIAC SPOTS??? little areas for the zodiac?? oooooooh man that sounds wild

#i talk such a big game but who knows if i'll actually pull any of it off lol #thank you anon gonna go read your other ask now!! :)