#scrolling back thru my asks is so scary | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

devotioncomplex · 1 year

Note

what if i asked you EVERY SINGLE NUMBER ON THE WEIRD ASK GAME...HAHA...

unless?

bet.

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

*** **********, Will Graham, ***** ***** (you don't need to know), Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks, Akira Kurusu from Persona 5 (i’m brave. Brave), *** ****** AND i’m gonna list off my blorbos (yes there’s a difference): Jonathon Sims from The Magnus Archives, John Reese, Harold Finch, Matt Murdock, Roman Roy from Succession, The Narrator from Fight Club (tbh), David Ward from I Am in Eskew (have you caught on with my horror podcasts illness), Cloud from Final Fantasy VII, and many more but these are the ones I feel brave enough to say 😵‍💫

lighter or matches?

lighter. my brother told me i was a pussy for not using a lighter. this cannot stand.

do you leave the window open at night?

when the room is stuffy or the hot is intolerable just a Tiny BIt, then yes, yes i do. the only bitch of it is that the only window in my room is kind of creepy at night 0(-( i can't live.

which cryptid being do you believe in?

answered

what color are your eyes?

brown eyes solidarity

why did you do that?

WHY did i do that

hair-ties or scrunchies?

hair-ties

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

none

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

iced coffee yesss <3 but if that's not that type of cold coffee this question is referring to then hot coffee obv

would you slaughter the rich?

yes

favorite extracurricular activity?

answered

what kind of day is it?

uneventful. veered to teeth-grinding, back to uneventful. Sigh

when was the last time you ate?

noon yesterday ^_^

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

answered

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

yes omgomgomg our SON. our beautiful little boy who's so pure and sweet…JONATHON.

can you drive?

i'm taking lessons! i'll be da king of da highway in seconds. watch

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

answered

what hair products do you use?

L’Oréal. sorry but these questions are my weak points and i’m a basic bitch!!!

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

YESSSSS i don't like painting my own nails because ugh. who cares. but i would gladly paint for anyone. i can be bad at it but you will Not complain ok rn we're giggling

do you say soda or pop?

soda. what's a pop. i'll slaughter.

something you’ve kept since childhood?

barnie. that scary-looking barnie plushie across the living room. one of the saving graces of moving houses is that i'm now rid of these barbie dolls. good god man. sorry ik this was meant to be sentimental but that's. all i have. i Hated them

what type of person are you?

god knows. but what i do is that i’m the type of person who would take a personality quiz just for this question (i kid you not. and all of them sucked!!!) hmmmm i AM a sham and pretty mellow tbh idk don’t ask me that question again

how do you feel about chilly weather?

answered

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

omg rooftops!! i think we'd look at blocky cloud shapes and figure out with of them look more alike to Jonathon. or we can sit in contended silence ^_^

perfume/body spray or lotion?

men's deodorant. i don’t go out outside of academic duties alright i just hope for the better

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

nah i'm not saying one scenario. there are Multiple. it mostly has me being in a very terrible situation. a car crash, assault, getting canceled, etc. it's weird. i also imagine scenarios where i just. scroll thru tumblr. literally. it happens when i’m in the process of still fully waking up so my mind just conjures up posts and I’d be scrollin mentally (potential case of the chronic online?). also scenarios where i wonder how a chat would play out had i said something differently. stuff from yeaaaars ago. and obv fictional scenarios for the blorbos they’re My Barbie dolls

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

i didn't have to bring a grocery bag to store today

do you wear a mask?

until now, Yes. sometimes. even when i'm not sick or the cases decreased. why have i never considered wearing them before the pandemic…i can sit there and nobody would know what face i'm making or that i made that weird remark. god bless masks.

how do you like your shower water?

i need to feel it Scalding Hot, you feel me. i need to feel my back getting flayed.

is there dishes in your room?

my dad calls kept going on that if i were biologically male i’d grow an uncared-for beard with doodles & paint everywhere on my jeans. my man, those were just TWO DISHES. alas, he’s honestly not even the least bit far off. :pensive:

what type of music keeps you grounded?

psychedelic & shoe-gaze!!! and probably other genres that i don’t remember. these genres can have sounds that can be so big and almost overwhelming………i’m in the process of making a shoe-gaze-only playlist because!!!!!

do you have a favorite towel?

no. they all feel bad on my skin

the last adventure you’ve been on?

i trekked the desert. climbed a mountain. went sand-boarding. y’all don’t have it in you

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

nah :(

what’s your timezone?

Eastern European Time

how many times have you changed your url?

6 times for my main blog alone! if you count all of my previous sideblogs, then that'd be 13 times.

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

this is sad. because. well. i Do know people from my high school days since a decade, but i wouldn't call them friends. </3

a soap bar that smells good?

probably Lux

do you use lip balm?

my lips are drier than the Sahara desert but i'm up

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

anything as long as it keeps me caffeinated. for function. BUT i'd kill for a coffee with milk and sugar.

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

notes app. for taking notes during lectures.

what’s your take on spicy foods?

i rlly like spicy food.

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

to match Ana’s answer, PUTIN.

can you remember what happened yesterday?

i don't know really since every day is a blur of a blur of a blur of the previous days hmmm sorrie

favorite holiday film?

holiday films are not my thing 😭

what was the last message you sent?

“you’re gonna love season 1 vit i just Know This” (hannibal disease hannibal disease)

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

NONE

can you skip rocks?

i’ve never tried it

can i tag you in random stuff?

ABSOLUTELY. i'm bad at responding yk this BUT YES ALWAYS

let me tell you, i’ve never in my whole life overshared this much

#what if i told you. that i took this seriously. HAHA...#HEY YOU'RE INSANE BUT ILY <33333 TYSM #stevie #🎲#asks

7 notes · View notes

bifidonut · 1 year

Text

wow it’s been a while since I’ve done a little ask game, ty @wackmxter ✨

(apparently the app doesn't let you copy more than one line of text at a time 🥴 so now that i finally am opening my laptop this week here i am)

15Qs / 15 Mutuals

lol idk if i even have 15 (active) mutuals these days so uhhhh i'll just tag @asthma-goddess @actualhero @j1r4ch2 @uglyluckylucky and if anyone else wants to do this one go nuts, i'm not tagging more people because i'm shy 👉👈

1. Are you named after anyone?

nah my mom got my name from a baby name book in the 90s BUT what's wild is that she gave me and my brother Irish names based on the fact that she was told my grandma's birth family was Irish... which is wild because we had no proof of that until like 2 years ago when she was able to find half of my grandma's birth family thru those genetic testing family tree sites. so it's a good thing that was true because it would have been kinda weird in hindsight if we weren't

2. When was the last time you cried?

um 🧍‍♀️. like an hour ago while i was in the shower... i think i'm PMSing a little bit because it kinda came on suddenly and then i was fine lol

3. Do you have kids?

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

listen if you lived with my boyfriend you would too

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

hmmm idk beyond basic physical appearance stuff like height/hair color/whatever i guess maybe their sense of style and how they seem to present themselves?

6. What’s your eye color?

hazel

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

bold of you to assume those are mutually exclusive, person who wrote this initially! anyways both.

8. Any special talents?

i think i'm fairly perceptive, and i'm also good at blowing bubbles

9. Where were you born?

colorado 🏔🦌⛺

10. What are your hobbies?

scrolling on my fucking phone forever if we're being real but i also like cooking, baking, video games, listening to podcasts, and maybe someday getting back into reading

11. Have you any pets?

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

i played soccer for like. a year not even when i was 6 or 7. i'm a delicate flower though so sports weren't really ever my thing lol

13. How tall are you?

5' 1"

14. Favorite subject in school?

science or biology specifically in hs

15. Dream job?

been thinking about this lately... currently i work in the R&D department of a biotech company and i like it a lot for the most part, and in general i really enjoy being a research scientist but i don't think it's a job i want to be in forever... in no small part because the role i'm in now is sort of "entry" level, so you're sort of naturally expected to rise through the ranks over the years but these days it just gets harder and harder to do that without a master's degree or higher. so i think i might go back to school once i decide what kind of specialty i would want to be in and then i think settling into a more established scientist role could be nice. but honestly i also think i'd make a pretty decent lab manager since i'm insane lol. also considered pivoting into science writing for a spell because i think that could be something i could do on a part time/freelance basis if i find myself in the family way but idk.

tl;dr i currently do science and would like to keep doing science without ruining my hands by pipetting for like 40 years

#keelposting #about

3 notes · View notes

hollyhomburg · 2 years

Note

That really nice ask made me think about how you could like print it out, if u have other asks that were of that sort u could print it out as well and then u could frame them in like… a collage style? Or oooohhh… there’s these yearly calendars that u can decorate and they don’t have the weekdays on them so they can be used every year and u could glue them on there to have a reminder every month, about how appreciated u are and how much we all love ur writing!

(Scrolling thru ur last few asks also made me contemplate going all the way back on ur account to search for every bily ask cause 🥺)

OH AND ANOTHER THING i think it was in that really sweet ask… about like physical copies, i would cry if i had a physical copy of bily, i think I’ve heard about a website that lets u do that but I’d also feel bad for just… taking ur work and making myself a copy…? But just the thought of whipping out that one program i learned to use in school for like formatting books and magazines and making a diy out of it 🥺 i would male sure to print it it colour so i could incorporate all of the beautiful moodboards u made and then at the end I’d put all of the story relevant asks in and it’d take me months probably cause I’d wanna make sure I’d do the best job i could bc that’s what bily deserves and… ugh I’d want it to have a really nice cover 🥺 it’d be such a big book it’d be intimidating😂

ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT MY DAYDREAMof making a physical copy i just… idk i just had the thought when i read about it in this other ask

So… hope u have a good day, have a forehead kiss and a warm hug and i can’t wait for more bily content! (Especially after the sextoy-collar-m/c-jin-awkward moment-maybe lil angsty-cliffhanger)

Okay, so I've actually been thinking about publishing Bily on wattpad, in 4 different 'books' each with a different title and cover (and I have ideas about the covers like- book one being dark and scary, book two being a dark maron, book three being bright red, and book four being bright pink for aesthetic!! kinda showing how the m/c gets happier as the story goes on and heals- because bily is primarily a story about healing it makes sense that the covers would someway mirror that.

that's probably gonna be my next step, because I've looked in to doing a limited run of Bily as a whole and like- it's unfortunately out of reach for me. I would probably cost me about 1200$ to do a run of about 400 books total, 100 of each book because most on-demand publishing services do minimum batches with a limit of about 300 pages per book. not to mention pricing for you guys or shipping or anything like that. a full set would cost me about 40$ to make 😭

you sound like you have a fair amount of experience in it thought and what you describe is so beautiful- I imagine a book- like a fifth one that was a very light pastel pink on the spine with all the extras printed out and organized along with mood boards and specific pictures of what I picture the characters wearing on specific page numbers.

ahhh- i can just imagine that the cover would have a little train ticket inside it- a replica of the one that hobi has in his wallet from the m/c, maybe i could even do like- a random draw or something? like if you get a white ticket you're an alpha, and a pink one means that you're an omega. and a special few will get red tickets meaning they're assigned beta in the universe 😭

it's a good daydream 💔if i had infinite money i would print them and make them a reality not even for a profit just to make people happy

32 notes · View notes

kristalpepsi · 3 years

Photo

Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise)

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely. I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

58 notes · View notes

hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong · 3 years

Text

Interview

BB: welcome back everyone! So good to see you all here today! We're back for a 3rd time here on BB Channel! Like before we're joined by the lil cuties of Ed and Mari. But this time their parents have come to join!

Rex: hello...

Quetz: Hola!

BB: that wasn't a very strong greeting Rex!

Rex: I'm tired right now. Can't this wait?

BB: time waits for no one and neither does BB!

Mari: already this is super annoying! *sigh* so why'd you decide to bring them into this anyways?

BB: the people who follow this blog need to see how they're doing so long after Chaldea too! You two have had the spotlight for a while, so now you should share.

Ed: I mean... guess that's fair.

Mari: should anyone be dealing with this?

Rex: I'd rather not be here either.

BB: aaaww, don't be like that! This will be fun!

Quetz: that's a very hard sell BB.

BB: just humor me at least.

Rex: ...fine

Quetz: what are we even doing anyways?

BB: some of your interdimensional buds have sent in questions about how you guys are doing, and I'm here to get those answers for them!

Quetz: that actually sounds nice...

BB: what'd I tell ya!?

Rex: yeah yeah, pls get started.

BB: fine. First few are from my precious bombardier beetle! First one she asks: do you have any pets?

Mari: oof! Do we!

Rex: currently we have four dogs: 1 German Shepherd named King, a Pitbull named Sparks, a Dogo Argentino named Duke, and a Corgi named Marshmallow.

Quetz: but also we have a habit of adopting older dogs who aren't likely to get a home because of their age or rescues to give them a nice place to stay.

BB: aaawww, well ain't that wholesome?

Mari: we also have mom's bigass pterosaur!

BB: less wholesome. Next one from my dear yellowjacket: favorite foods?

Rex: PIZZA!

Mari: CAKE!

BB: whoa! Pump the brakes you two! No need to get too excited!

Quetz: ...honestly? I don't really have a favorite food. Just a bunch I like to eat and some I don't. If I had to choose, I'd say chocolate.

Ed: I'm a steak man myself.

BB: 2 sweets, and 2 savories. Next up! Who wakes up earliest?

Rex: Quetz

Ed and Mari: Mom

Quetz: ...I guess it's me... hehehe.

BB: honestly I'm not surprised. She's so damn athletic and even used to be a professional.

BB: next! Where do you all like to go for vacations and such?

Ed: mom and dad have a vacation home in Alaska.

BB: Alaska?! Why?

Mari: when warm weather is the norm for you it's nice to go to the cold to change things up.

Rex: yeah, it's actually very nice. Not too many people and beautiful nature sights.

BB: well to each their own. Another from my dear antlion: how long does it take to pick a movie or TV show to watch?

Quetz: hehehe, we're all so indecisive it takes ages to pick. It's not uncommon for us to give up after taking so long.

BB: you should work on that. This next one's interesting. My precious army ant also suggests a round of common household jobs and the like from each member.

Rex: hmmm

BB: she gave an example of like, who does the cooking?

Quetz: well it's both me and mi amor in that case. The kids aren't very creative.

Ed: hey! We're plenty creative!

Mari: no we're not, don't lie.

Rex: we only really ask that the kids clean their rooms and any messes they make. We handle most everything else.

BB: they should really show some independence tho. Can't coddle them forever.

BB: in the next one, Cadence asks about a house tour and if there's a jacuzzi.

Quetz: a house tour feels like it should be it's own thing.

Rex: yeah, but we do have a jacuzzi dude, so don't worry.

BB: next one's from Reen: she asks what would life be if you weren't in chaldea,

Rex: y'mean like now? I mean... it's a relatively normalish domestic life? With less work tho.

Quetz: si, I've made plenty from my lucha career before retirement we don't have to worry about money much. But mi amof still makes money just in case.

BB: well after that she asks: how was your life before and after meeting each other?

Rex: ...kinda sad. Aside from chaldea and saving the world, I was kinda just... stagnant. Go to work, go home and so on. Not much to my life before then.

Quetz: ...honestly, for me it was the same. After the age of Gods ended we didn't do much of anything. We mostly watched over humanity, I've been summoned in modern day before but that was rare and infrequent.

Rex: ...after I met Quetz tho... I dunno things felt... better? She kinda forced her way into my life after I summoned her and... I was more then ok to accept her... before long we had something beautiful...

Quetz: aww, mi amor! I'm so happy to hear that!

BB: ain't that sweet? Like me and my dear centipede. Final one from Reen: if you could build a dream home then where? (Can be in fantasy)

Rex: I mean... where we are now is good.

Mari: yeah, right at the border of a huge rainforest in the Yucatan sounds fine.

Ed: but what about the fantasy bit?

Quetz: hmmm... we don't really look at fantasy much. But maybe a castle of some kind?

Rex: or a Mayan temple? But with electricity and Wi-Fi.

BB: that's fair. Need those memes in your life. Now some from Kaz! First she asks: what kind of gifts do you give each other?

Rex: uuhh, well I like getting mi corazon custom things. Like some personal clothes, or even a portrait of the two of us.

Quetz: ehehehe, I like to spoil mi amor with extravagant things! Golden treasure and the like!

Mari: concerning...

BB: next, how would you spend the day if it's raining outside?

Rex: I actually enjoy rainy weather, so I like to chill near a window or even on the porch listening to the rain.

Mari: it's very soothing.

BB: how quaint. Last one from Kaz: whose good at cooking and baking?

Quetz: hehehe, that'd be me. Tho it might be considered cheating since I use my goddess power to help.

Mari: well no one else is the greatest normally so it's fine.

BB: a good 'ol better then nothing kinda attitude! Now we're back to Cadence but with more relaxed questions: what's the current house look like?

Rex: ....big.

Mari: like three stories tall with a DEEP basement.

Ed: like... 5 rooms too many.

Quetz: we also have an indoor pool.

Rex: the outside looks almost gothic, but partially taken over by nature.

BB: all this near a rainforest?

Quetz: si! Despite the size, all the nearby trees still tower over it.

BB: nature can get scary. I've seen worse and have been worse but still. Another one: how do family events function? Any specific holidays?

Quetz: ...most family events are just us... going somewhere nice to eat nice food...

Rex: do they mean bringing extended family? My family lives too far to visit often

Quetz: ...and I'd rather not speak of mine... things have gotten rocky as of late.

Mari: right, well for holidays we celebrate most standard one, like Easter and valentine's and such. For October we kinda try to combine Halloween and Day of the dead.

Ed: but Christmas is the most important for us! Mom and Dad always make the biggest celebrations for Christmas!

BB: gotta love the holidays! Especially when your mom is santa... still weird to say that. Next one! Any plans for the future?

Rex: eh... not really? I mean I want to prepare Maria to continue the family magecraft, since Ed has no interest.

Mari: someone has to continue on this lost practice.

BB: good to know it won't be lost to time like we thought. Next one! Daily life?

Rex: I wake up, eat, work on magecraft, spend family time, spend time with Quetz, go to bed.

Quetz: I wake up, workout, eat, workout, spend time with mi familia, lovely time with mi amor and then I sleep.

Ed: I wake up, take a walk, eat, practice soccer, spend family time, sleep.

Mari: sleep, sleep again, dragged to breakfast by mom, eat, eat again, mess with magecraft, eat, sit with everyone else, scroll thru my phone for hours, sleep.

Quetz: *sigh* mija, you need to change your priorities.

Mari: mmmmm... No.

BB: bad habits there Mari. Next they'd like to know if your in contact with anyone from chaldea? Other then me!

Rex: here's a real quick list: Marie, Mash, Kiara, Penth, Astraea, Martha, Ishtar, Gorgon, Jalter, The twins, your kids BB, etc etc.

Quetz: too many to list...

BB: nice you haven't lost contact! Next! About that Wedding?

Rex: well... it was eventful to say the least. Not long after completing the china LB. Most of the servants were invited, and most of Quetz's family showed up.

Quetz: si, Martha officiated it for us. Most of my family were so nice at the time... too bad that hasn't lasted.

Rex: let's not mention that...

BB: it was such a nice wedding! You two were so "nervous" you had trouble with your vows! How adorable!

Mari: why the quotes?

BB: no reason... now we're at the home stretch! Good 'ol Ash has some for stuff that technically hasn't happened yet, but you should still be able to answer! What responsibilities will Rex take on when he joins the pantheon?

Quetz: ...well he'll be largely a guardian of life on earth. Authority over things like the jungle itself, volcanos, and even snow... for some reason.

Rex: well it still snows in mexico... occasionally.

Quetz: and we'll be sharing authority over Venus! I wanted to share it with mi amor!

BB: cute! Hmmm, not sure if you cananswer this one just yet? Adjusting to God hood?

Rex: well I got to try it out a bit. Summoning lava and snow is... interesting. But also... my mind felt... odd... but also clearer? Not sure how to put it...

BB: I'm sure when you get there you'll get it... took me a bit after servant fest. And how did the other divinities react?

BB: actually I have some recordings of that to answer, so play the clip!

A screen appears showing recordings of some servants, one at a time.

Ishtar: eh! She's turning you into a god!? ...I guess you've earned it master...

Eresh: what!? Can you do that?! ...guess I won't see you in Kur... then again I don't think you have any link to Kur anyways.

Kama: do you really think your cut out for it? I mean... if it's just for you two to be together then I guess it's fine.

Astraea: godhood is a very big responsibility master. Are you certain you're up to it? Saving humanity is also a big task but at least that has an end point. This is... eternal.

Qin: oh! So you have decided to go for immortality after all?! Tho not the same as my methods, it is still good to see you two will be happy together!

Scathach: immortality? I've strived for death for so long... to see you go for immortality... Hopefully you'll find happiness, where I couldn't...

The screen turns off.

BB: very interesting! Most seem hesitant of it all... I for one think it's cute! Imagine in a thousand years you guys have a double date with me and my dear stag beetle!

Rex: ...a thousand years...

Quetz: still having trouble processing it all?

Rex: yeah... maybe when I get there... it'll be easier.

BB: now for today's final one! A scenario! One of you two goes berserk! What does the other do to calm them down?

Rex: well that has happened before... usually a nice hug is more then good enough.

Quetz: si! I've almost destroyed a few servants a few times until mi amor caught me in a hug! I can't bring myself to harm him... so I stop!

BB: sounds too easy... but I've seen that before so... I'll let it slide.

BB: well that's all the time we have for now! Hopefully you all are satisfied by the answers! We'll be doing this again, seeya!

Screen cuts out, the show's over.

Questions provided by: @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong @renmeo @kazmetic @grievouslyxorvia

Other tags

@haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong

#fate grand order #quetzalcoatl #wife #rexcoatl #mastersona #rex #bb #maria #eduardo

16 notes · View notes

localspirit · 3 years

Note

Ah I’m interested in all! I assume beginning to look into spirituality will help me in the future when it comes to spirits and such! I have communicated with a ghost/ghosts before so I think I’m naturally a little more ‘open’ to spirits than the average person but I don’t really know how this works.

under the cut bc its so long!

wow thats AWESOME!!! ive been interested in spirits, spirituality, some aspects of religion like djinn for as long as i can remember but wasnt able to communicate with spirits until recently.

pendulums do you own a pendulum? it doesnt have to be anything fancy, mine ended up being a fake crystal i got from a friend that was on a necklace. out of boredom and slight curiosity i asked a yes/no question and it just started swinging with the right answer... it was really freaky!! some people believe pendulums are a scam, some think that its your arm unconsciously moving with the right answer, some think that its you tapping into your third eye clairvoyance, and some think its an angel communicating thru it. mine ended up being an angel! it took a very long time bc i had to go thru the alphabet but my pendulum uses he/him prns and his name is azhu. he says hes not a guardian angel or an angel sent by a higher power. pendulums have their own way on saying yes/no, so if you ever do get one, make sure you know what its swinging means! azhu goes left/right for no, up/down for yes, and in circles or unsure. he's predicted things like my (unpredictable, unstable) health and what college i'll end up going to, and when. pendulums can also 100% be used to communicate with spirits and djinn- that's my main form of communication!

spirits with spirits i kinda jumped into it rlly fast. remember that phase in 2016 where people on yt were like 'i bought a HAUNTED DOLL from EBAY... SCARY 3AM OUIJA'?? i suddenly remembered that. and was like... lemme have a look here. i really did just go on ebay and look at haunted dolls and thats where i met my 'first' spirit vessel i was connected to. you dont really question it, if you find yourself completely drawn into a spirit doll/toy/jewelry piece (aka vessel), theyre calling out to you. it was mean to be! spirits can be 'evil or good', but i prefer the terms 'positive and negative'. a spirit can be positive but very sad and troubled and have a bad temper. spirits can be 'evil' and seem like the sweetest things ever. to be sure, i ask my pendulum which one they are. it turns out i owned three spirit vessels and i didnt even know until my pendulum told me!! i was very attached and affectionate to them (theyre old thrifted/collectable toys) to the point where i found it a bit strange. the spirits explain it. and btw, just because a spirit has a vessel, doesnt mean theyre inside of it or anything... idk think of it as an anchor or something. they can wander around, but they can always find their way back to their vessel. a spirit can have a vessel for 100 years, or pick a new vessel very frequently. asking for activity right away annoys the hell out of them. i find asking 'how did you die?' right away a bit rude too... its like going up to a stranger with a large scar on their face shouting 'what happened to your face?'. i always ask the spirit 'is it okay to ask about your death?' before going any further. some spirits show great activity, some dont show much at all. never force it out of them! they arent a show. they have feelings and stuff! if you wanna know more about spirits i recommend watching videos from ppl with ACTUAL INFORMATIVE vids on their spirit dolls, not just the 'scary 3am ouija’ vids. i also recommend going through ebay and just typing in 'spirit vessel' instead of 'haunted doll', and just taking the time to read their descriptions. all spirits have a story!

djinn im pretty new to djinn myself! some ppl on the stricter side of islam swear that all djinn are evil and work for the devil which isnt true at all... there are lots of types of djinn, most i dont know myself!!! most djinn seek a relationship with humans, platonic or romantic. there are khodam (friendliest afaik, 'grant wishes' to humans), marid (my djinn friend! works with water. possibly a mermaid? srs.), ifrit (mischievous, want to see humans suffer), shiatan (works for the devil i think), etc. this is where things get a little hard to believe so pls pls do your research. a lot of djinn conjurers and people who work with djinn claim that djinn can be vampires, elves, succubi, faeries, mermaids, 'aliens'/starseeds, etc... which i think is SUPER cool. hundreds of people who have worked with them swear by it. people say djinn helped with the egyptian pyramids. they have their own appearance they can tell you like height and eye color, and preferences to anything. most really do want to help out humans, i wouldnt say GRANT them, but definitely wave off any negativity coming your way and to shove you on the right path. they can be really protective. king djinn can have hundreds of thousands of djinn working for them. DEFINITELY do your own research, a lot of it before having a djinn attached to a vessel you own, or purchasing a vessel from a conjurer. i really do recommend just taking your time one day to scroll through etsy when you search 'djinn vessel' and just taking the time to read their descriptions, and LOOKING AT THE REVIEWS. i was skeptical and then i saw '85 reviews under item, 5/5 stars'. i read every single review, every description, everything i can. u can learn so much from peoples experiences. it really is amazing!!

just to be clear i didnt conjure my djinn myself ! i contacted a conjurer on etsy when i was ready and she literally had him attached to my ring in SECONDS. it was crazy. you can find her here!

misc a big part of spirituality is learning about your chakras, unblocking them, and eventually opening your third eye. there are lots of informative videos on chakras, and im still tryna open my third eye myself! i meditate every few days and have been close to astral travel (which some spirits can interact with you through! dreams too. theyre called 'dream walkers'.). i REALLY recommend binaural beats videos for meditation, not just rain noises or something. like this . there are thousands of videos for this kinda stuff... take the time and find one that works best for you! if you need ANY clarification or anything just lmk because i love talking about this stuff and im sure i left lots out okay!!! i also have a spirituality page you can find here!!

#ask

2 notes · View notes

sgntaeho · 4 years

Photo

❱❭ sgn task #01 ; “kiss me thru the phone"

a peak into kwon taeho’s phone;

✦ what kind of cell phone do you have? ⁠ iphone 11 pro, midnight green

✦ how often do you use your cell phone? no more and no less than the average person my age. honestly depends on how much i’m not paying attention in class or other involuntary functions

✦ what is your phone’s lock screen photo? (see above)

✦ what is your phone’s home screen photo? (see above); just trying to catch some summer vibes, ya feel?

✦ how many contacts do you have in your phone? around 400? only cause i don’t bother to clear things out. i can’t remember who half of them are, and i definitely won’t be hitting them up anytime in this lifetime

✦ do you customize contact names or enter as given names? mostly given names; unless we’re close (or you’re a memorable character), in which case you’ll get a spirit emoji or something tacked onto the end. i’m not slick with nicknames, so unless you set one for yourself, i’d rather not try

✦ what is their default ringtone? whatever the factory setting is

✦ do you have personalized ringtones for your contacts or does everyone use the default ringtone? everyone on default; too much of a hassle otherwise, and i don’t take enough calls or have my volume up for it to matter anyways

✦ how many alarms do you have set and why? i only have one actively set for the morning but have way too many saved, for nearly every time of day. i’m a weirdo who’d rather spend 30 seconds scrolling through my endless list of alarms instead of just setting a new one for the time i need. also times always set on odd numbers (xx:01, xx:09, xx:13, etc.) and never on nice times that end in xx:00, xx:15, x:30, etc. because i hate even or clean-cut numbers

✦ what are your top 3 most used apps? imessage (+ other messaging apps), instagram, spotify

✦ what are your favorite apps? reddit is my guilty pleasure and safe space. twitter is fun even though i personally don’t tweet much (or else i’d spend all day fighting people on there, and i get enough of that in real life). also spotify because i’m almost always listening to something and can’t stand being idle in silence

✦ what are your last 3 google searches or the last 3 things you’ve asked your built in ai? ⮕ "memento movie ending interpretations” ⮕ "do you get notifications if someone screenshots your instagram story” ⮕ "can i feed my cat grapes”

✦ do you delete your internet search history or use incognito mode? if so, how often, and why? i’ll use incognito; not because i feel the need to hide anything, but because i don’t want too many one-time searches polluting my ‘recommended’ results later on. that shit’s the worst

✦ do you download music or use a streaming app? if so, which one and why? self-proclaimed spotify supremacist here. they have a comprehensive stock of both korean and non-korean stuff, which is a must. plus it’s so much easier to curate playlists, jump around, and discover new music without me having to fully commit to buying and downloading something (...does this say something more about me as a person?)

✦ what are the last 3 songs you’ve listen to on your phone? ♫ ‘error’ by ash island ft. loopy ♫ ‘all day (band ver.)’ by giriboy ♫ ‘please love me’ by colde (yeah, i’m a sucker for k-hiphop/rnb)

✦ what does your photo album consist of? it’s a pretty scary and eclectic place in there. to start, i take a lot of screenshots: receipts of when my friends say stupid things, school stuff, cocktail recipes, the outright ridiculous shit my dad’s various news outlets will put out (which i subsequently flame him for whenever we actually have to talk). so. many. cat. pics — but they’re fucking cute, alright? some random fit pics and fashion inspo. to be completely frank, there are more selfies than i’d like to admit and some... highly cringe gym pics. but none of that is being sent for anyone else’s eyes, so it’s chill. totally chill... and of course, i have a lot of stuff for photography club in the cloud.

✦ what is your texting style? do you reply quickly or are you a slow texter? do you send several messages at a time or paragraphs? i’m not the type to be texting a million people at once, so if we’re talking, i’ll probably reply pretty promptly. sometimes i’ll drop off the face of the earth, but try not to take it too personally. i definitely tend to spam send multiple, shorter messages as opposed to a single longer one. chaotic thoughts, grammar, and structure alike

✦ what are the last 3 texts you’ve sent? ⮕ vince: "is this dry needling thing supposed to be hurting still? it’s been a whole ass week...” ⮕ junhyung: "stop texting me” ⮕ hyunjoo: "hey, do you know when my mom is getting back home?”

✦ who do you text the most? couldn’t really tell you for sure. i’m not the type of person who needs to live update their life over text to somebody, and i’m not particularly invested in every little thing someone else is doing either, no offense. among my guy friends, we can maintain friendships without a whole lot of constant talking. so if i’m texting someone in high volume and frequency, it’s probably because we’re arguing over something (i’m sure you aren’t even surprised by now). or, it could be a girl i’m interested in and that’s like... not so common either.

✦ what are your top 6 used emojis? 😤 🙃 🥴 👀 🤷‍♂️ 😈

✦ how often do you call others? i hate phone calls. they’re clunky af, and you always have to awkwardly go “i-- oh-- no you go ahead” because you’re always interrupting each other. quite often people call me and i purposely watch it go to voicemail and text them back some time after, because i don’t want to pick up. so really, i only call when it’s really necessary. i think facetime is better and cool for casual though, so i’ll do that with friends instead.

✦ who were the last 3 calls made to and why? assuming you mean traditional phone calls... ⮕ dad (well more like my dad’s assistant) — to tell him to gtfo of my school life and stop signing on to throw money at (or ‘sponsor’) things without telling me. i can already tell he’s gearing up to pitch me the ‘you should take over the company’ case again when i get home for break ⮕ older sister — just to make sure she’s alive or well or whatever. total nuisance ⮕ campus police — i just had to... test a little something about their alarm infrastructure. please don’t ask any more

✦ who do you call the most? again, i don’t like calling people — few things in life are that urgent. but my mom, i guess. she calls me a lot when she’s not shooting for something, but i think it’s just to make herself feel like she’s doing the most as a mother

✦ do you have someone blocked? if so, who and why? no. i’m not petty or proactive enough to do something like that, even to the most annoying of people... now that i think about it, i should probably block an ex or two, just so drunk me won’t even get the chance to do anything stupid. but it’s not like i’ve ever done anything like that before, so whatever.

✦ are you apart of any group chats? with whom? just what you’d expect: swim team, photography club, people in my major, friends i’ll go out with on weekends, and so forth. albeit i’m that guy who shamelessly has the group on mute, so you’re probably going to have to aggressively @ me if you want me. then there’s the family group chat, which is mostly my parents getting on my case and making sure i have family obligations marked on my calendar while my sister sits back and laughs at my pain.

✦ do you use the notes app? yep... i have a lot of thoughts, okay?

#{ tasks }#sgn:task01 #(/irrelevant title but had to pay tribute to a throwback jam lol)

6 notes · View notes

ksj-com · 5 years

Text

Request #3

Missed Calls

- Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

- Genre: Long Distance!AU, fluff, light angst

- Warnings/Tags: anxious reader, kissing, cuddling, bad cook Yoongi, cuteness overload, pure fluff

- Word Count: 3,391

- Summary: You and Yoongi have been long distance dating for about a year now ever since you moved. You had to admit that it took some getting used to. But something is off today when he isn’t answering your texts or calls all day.

Your eyes peel open, the sunlight burning into your retinas. Placing your hand over your eyes to shield the sad truth that it’s time to get up. The phone sitting next to you was off, meaning the FaceTime with you and Yoongi must’ve ended during the night. He probably just ended it this morning when he woke up, you thought to yourself.

Almost every night you and Yoongi called to fill in on each others’ days and just talk about random things. After all, it was the closest thing you two had to spending time with each other now.

It has been almost a year since you guys have been apart from each other. Before, you both were together for a couple years throughout high school. You both have been through thick and thin together, but it was definitely the hardest obstacle when reality and the real world hit you both— growing up and living past high school. Everyone going their separate ways, people spreading their wings to colleges that are in places they’ve never been. It was just how it went for everyone— including you and Yoongi. Yoongi decided it was best for him to stay in Illinois for college, meanwhile you wanted to venture out to Minnesota. Not too far, but far enough for space from your family and your original home.

Even though there was distance between you and Yoongi, the relationship you had still remained. It’s definitely something you both had to get used to, but it works nonetheless. Calls every night and sweet texts throughout the day is what kept you both connected. You were grateful to not live on campus with a roommate because you’re sure they would’ve wanted to rip your hair out by now. All the long nights you two had talking to each other would drive anyone crazy. Working your ass off and saving money for your own little condo really pays off.

After rubbing the sleep off your eyes, you rolled over to your phone once again. Sliding your fingers across your screen you send a text to Yoongi:

Good morning babe ☼

And with that, one last stretch finally brought you to your feet. It was Saturday morning and you thought about the lack of things you had planned unlike other people. Having nothing to do made you even happier than going to parties, so your empty schedule didn’t really bother you. Other than a few groceries you needed to get, you looked forward to sitting in front of your TV and doing nothing.

To wake yourself up, you freshened up yourself with a quick shower. The warm water hitting your face made you want to crawl back in your bed and sleep the rest of the day away. Not having the motivation to put together an outfit, you slip on your comfy clothes. Your comfy clothes consisted of a slightly purplish grey cropped fuzzy sweater that slid past your shoulders and white sweatpants. The waistband of the sweatpants was folded down once, making you stomach visible. You pulled a thick pink cloth headband over your head to cover your forehead which looked a little big when your overgrown bleach blonde hair was placed into a ponytail. To finish your lazy look, you slipped on a pair of white canvas tennis shoes.

It was 10am when you glanced at your phone, wondering if Yoongi ever texted back. The screen showed an empty screen, but you shrugged it off— it was only an hour. Maybe he’s busy today.

Just as you were about to leave, you pour some food in a dog bowl and give your dog a praise before stepping out the door. Keys spun around your finger as you waited for the condo’s elevator to take you to the ground floor. Your phone addiction took control again causing you to check your phone again— still nothing.

As soon as you made it to your car, you blared some tunes. ‘Stuck With Me’ by The Neighborhood played as you backed out of your parking space and ventured out into the street. You tapped and sang along while driving until Starbucks caught your eye.

Thoughts of a Frappuccino and a cake pop made your stomach grumble from the lack of breakfast you had this morning. Starbucks’ drive thru was always slow, causing you to flip through a couple of your socials on your phone. Seeing that Yoongi still hasn’t even read your message, you decide to text him again:

Have anything planned for today?

Who knows? Maybe he simply missed the first text notification and he’ll see the second one. You sigh and toss your phone on the passenger seat.

The cash register takes your card and hands you your strawberry cake pop and caramel mocha Frappuccino. Devouring the cake pop in one bite, you were left sipping your drink on your way to the grocery store.

You shoved your hands in your pockets when you scanned the aisles of goods. Already having your necessities in your shopping cart, you found yourself in the snack aisle. Pulling out some popcorn and sweet Hostess boxes, you were satisfied with your cart.

Once you were back home, you were placing eggs in your fridge when you felt a buzz in your pocket. Hoping it was from Yoongi, you pulled out your phone— a stupid Twitter notification.

Noon. You sat in front of your TV with a grilled cheese in your hand. Clouds covered the sky in a dark grey blanket, and it wasn’t long before it started to storm outside. The perfect atmosphere to watch scary movies. You randomly picked out The Meg to watch seeing how it was one of the only scary movies on Netflix you haven’t seen yet. Blankets wrapped around you as you munch on food while your dog, Ollie, sat beside you.

“You’re just so cute,” you coo as you throw him a piece of bread crust. Since you lived alone, you needed the company of something. That’s when you decided to get Ollie. He was still a puppy, but he was growing into his full size. He was a Samoyed, meaning he had long fluffy white fur and a black button nose. He was your own big teddy bear when you missed cuddles from Yoongi.

You hugged a pillow to your chest and laid down next to Ollie, trying to push your worries away. After a couple minutes, you drifted off to sleep.

The brightness of the sun shining through the overcast weather woke up you up with a overdramatic stretch. During your nap, you headband flew off and your phone screen reflection showed that your face now had indentations where the pillow creased against your face. Clicking on your phone to illuminate the screen revealed that it was now 3pm and there was still no text back from Yoongi. Annoyance started to trickle within yourself.

He never did this. Whenever he was busy, he would let you know beforehand so you wouldn’t worry. Maybe he was hurt? You decided to try to call him. Your foot tapped the floor as you heard the rings turn into a voicemail.

“If it’s important enough, just leave a message and I’ll get back to you,” Yoongi’s voice said on the automated message. You roll your eyes and hang up the call before it went to voicemail. Stop overthinking this.

Scrolling through social media, you notice that he hasn’t been active since yesterday. He hasn’t picked up his phone at all today?

To get your mind off things, you pull out Ollie’s leash. He immediately gets the hint that you’re taking him for a walk as his tail whips back and forth. It wasn’t raining anymore and you had nothing else to do.

He pulls you out your door all the way outside where the chilly air hits your face. You walk past one of the older ladies in your building whose grown to be a best friend and mother figure to you while living here.

“Hello (Y/N)! How are you doing today, love?” she smiles warmly.

You slow Ollie down and pull him to sit at your sit while you talk. “Well...not so good. Yoongi hasn’t been answering my texts or calls all day and I’m kinda worried. I don’t know if I’m being too clingy or not.”

“I mean, you guys live states away. It’s natural for you to feel worry. What exactly are you worrying over?” she asks.

“A lot of things. I trust him but that thought in the back of my head still lingers that he might be doing something he shouldn’t. He could be hurt or in trouble. Maybe I’m just overthinking and he’s busy,” you hug your arms to your chest. It’s chillier than you thought it would be.

“Don’t assume, dear. It makes the waiting and worrying intensify. You’ll just have to wait and see. Best of luck to you!” she nods. You knew she was right, but it wasn’t easy.

“Thank you. I’ll see you later,” you wave goodbye. You let Ollie tug his own path until you couldn’t handle the cold anymore.

When you got back home, you plopped back onto the couch. Staring at the conversation between you and Yoongi, you couldn’t help but feel irritated. The first text you sent him was at 9am and it was now 4pm. Being so accustomed to texting him all day to make up for the fact you both couldn’t see each other, made the lack of texting bothersome and worrying. Just when you were thinking the worst, your phone dings.

Yoongi: Hey sorry. I was busy today. I made it up to you and delivered you something. Should be there any minute 😘

You were in the middle of typing a thousand questions, but the doorbell buzzed before you could click send. You opened the door expecting a box sitting at your door, but instead, it was Yoongi with a smile planted on his face. He held a bouquet of pastel pink and white roses in his hand. Before you could thank him and grab the flowers, you jumped into his arms. It’s been months since the last time you both saw each other due to work schedules and linking times.

You kiss him passionately as he twirls you around while you’re hugged into his chest. His lips press softly against yours as he holds you tightly to his chest. The moment you both let go, you were smiling ear to ear. He gestures the flowers for you to take.

“Found these on the way and they reminded me of you. Sorry about not texting. I was driving all day and I wanted it to be a surprise,” he smiles.

You brush it off, not wanting to bring up the fuss you would’ve made if he never ended up surprising you like this. As you placed your new flowers in a vase, he slid off his jacket. Thankfully, you weren’t the only one wearing your comfy clothes today. He wore a baggy white shirt with black sweatpants along with black slides and a pair of white headphones draped along his neck.

Once you set your flowers on your dining table, you go over to hug Yoongi again. This time he was able to hug you back completely, swaying back and fourth. You breath in his fresh cologne smell, the smell that he always wore.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you say into his chest.

“I’ve missed you too, baby.” He presses his lips against your forehead. “What do you say about us spending the rest of tonight binging netflix and eating snacks and tomorrow I take you somewhere special?” he says, cocking his head down to look at you.

“Ooo somewhere special? Like what?” you question.

“I did my research on this area and let’s say it’s another surprise” he kisses your nose.

You both end up ordering pizza, tossing Ollie a few pieces of crust when finishing a slice. American Horror Story played on the TV. It was getting close to Halloween, so it was time to binge watch scary movies all night. Once the pizza was devoured, you both laid down together. He laid behind you on the couch, arms wrapped around your waist as you faced the TV. His grasp pulled you in close enough that both of your bodies were pressed up against one another.

“It’s the little things like this that I miss the most,” he kisses your temple. His words made you melt into him— you felt the same way. You turn around to face him and cup your hands around his face. Brushing your thumbs across his cheeks, his eyes lit up as he looked at you. He looked so god damn adorable that you couldn’t help but kiss him.

“Eventually, when we’re both done with school, distance won’t be a problem anymore. That’s all I have to keep telling myself. I love you so much and I can’t wait for the future with you by my side,” you gush.

He takes one of your hands to interlace his fingers within. “How’d I get so lucky?” He could tell you were growing tired by the way your eyes drooped every now and again, so he shut off the TV to scoop you up in his arms. He lays you down on the bed where you pull the covers over yourself, him joining soon after.

Cuddling up to his chest, you feel him sigh contently before closing his eyes. “Goodnight (Y/N)...I love you.”

“Goodnight babe. PS this is way better than a FaceTime call,” you cause him to chuckle. His fingers traced lines up and down your arm before you both fall asleep.

Yoongi woke up before you, like usual. Tucking your hair behind your ear before waking you up. “Good morning sunshine. Let’s get ready for the day I have planned.”

You groan as you roll out of bed to get ready while Yoongi brings his suitcase of clothes up from his car. You wanted to actually try with your appearance today unlike yesterday. Pulling on a white knit sweater with the middle tucked into semi high waisted jeans with a hole slit on each knee. Pairing that with brown ankle boots and the same colored brimmed hat on top of your loosely curled hair.

“Ready,” you step out to see Yoongi wearing a grey sweatshirt, green jacket, and ripped jeans. His eyes crinkle together as he smiled brightly.

“You look perfect,” he takes your hand in his while you both walk down to his car to his first destination: a coffee shop.

“I thought it would be good to start off our day with some breakfast and I know how much you like your coffee,” he parks his car and you both walk in. The smell of coffee beans and sweets fill the room. He orders a breakfast wrap for himself while you order yourself a hot coffee and a cheese danish.

While you sipped your coffee and looked out the window, you heard Yoongi take a picture. Your eyes snap back to meet his and you tilt your head questioning him.

“I needed a new screensaver and you looked so picture perfect just now. I couldn’t resist,” he shrugs.

You couldn’t help but smile. He knew what his sweet words did to you every time he said them, yet he could never grow old of your gorgeous smile.

Thankfully, Yoongi advised you take your hot coffee to go because the next activity he had in store was apple picking. He always thought the idea of ‘perfect fall dates’ were cheesy, but he knew how much of a sucker you were for them.

You occasionally sipped your coffee to heat your body up on the chilly day, but once you were finished, Yoongi ran through the tree aisles with you on his back. You wrapped your arms around his neck while bouncing all over his back as he sprinted as fast as he could, drawing laughs out of both of you. When he finally let you down, you managed to find a few good looking apples to place into your basket. Of course, you both had to point out the rotten stepped on apples and say ‘that’s you.’

“Come here,” Yoongi whispered as he stood behind a tree. You followed him, not sure if he was going to point out another apple or something else.

He takes off your hat before connecting his lips with yours as he held the hat up to cover your faces from the cool wind. In that moment, everything felt in place for you two. Being together and so happy to be able to physically touch one another again made you both so grateful for this moment.

After picking out a few more apples, you both decided it was time to go back home and warm back up by cooking some apple pie. On the way back home you both jammed out to your favorite songs as his hand rested firmly on your thigh—something little that you’ve adored for the longest time.

•••

“It says to mix all the dry ingredients in the bowl,” Yoongi reads off of a cookbook ‘Baking for Dummies.’ Flour was already powdered on both of your clothes and the counters. It was safe to say that you both were terrible cooks and bakers.

Yoongi grabs the bowl and mixed everything with his hands since you couldn’t find a whisk for the life of you. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him trying so hard, yet looking so clueless.

“What are you laughing at, huh?” he smacks your ass, leaving a flour hand print on your jeans. You laugh, dipping your hands in the dry mixture and leaving hand prints on his sweatshirt. The kitchen was a mess, but it was a job for later.

Yoongi dipped his hands in again and grabbed your cheeks, pulling you into a kiss. You wrapped your hands around his wrists as your lips tangled together. The string of kisses stop from Yoongi’s laughs.

“This apple pie thing kind of failed,” he taps a circle of flour on the tip of your nose.

“I would have to agree with that,” you say as you look around to the powder mess scattered across the kitchen.

“I’ll make it up to you. Let’s change into some clean clothes and I’ll take you out to dinner and desert for tonight,” he smacks your other cheek to leave one last handprint.

After debating on where to go, you both decided that it would be a nice treat to go to The Cheesecake Factory. The chicken samosas you ordered were delicious, and just enough to still have room for desert. You and Yoongi decided to share a pineapple upside-down cheesecake.

“Thank you so much for today and coming to visit, Yoongs. You’re the best seriously,” you shove a spoonful of cake in your mouth.

“It’s not over yet. I have one last thing for you,” he pulls out a little box and flips the top open to see a skinny golden band with little diamonds in it. “Don’t worry, it’s a promise ring.”

You felt tears build up in your eyes as he slid the ring on your finger. He kissed your hand before you placed your hand out to admire the sparkle emitting from the ring.

“I figured that it was long overdue that I promise myself to you. I love you so much (Y/N) and I want you to know that, even if I may suck at answering your texts throughout the day, I still think about you every second. Now, when you miss me, you’ll have a piece of me with you at all times,” he holds both of your hands in his.

“I love you so much,” you reach over and lock lips over the table. A tear of joy falls from your cheek. The love you had for each other will always keep you together, no matter the distance between.

Requested by: I lost the usernames from the rest of my requests, so I’m sorry :(

#bangtan seonyeondan #bts #bts smut #bts fluff #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts imagines #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #jeon jungkook #jungkook #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader

116 notes · View notes

americaiskillingitsyouth · 5 years

Text

some personal shit, scroll on by, im screaming into the void

im really only posting this here bc my friends are already v aware of the situation and ive just got more sad-angry in me than anyone needs to receive in a text tbh

so basically, ive had a buddy for 10 years now, actually known the fucker since primary school so ive known him for 2 decades and been tight for 1 decade. he is by all accounts a great dude, i fucking love the guy and thats why this shit sucks so bad.

when i first met this friend we had radically different political ideologies (i was a grimy goth leftie at the time and he was like that fuckin kid out of This Is England). this was before stuff like that would mean we could never be friends and we shared enough in common on every other level that we agreed to just not talk politics, he’d dial back his bullshit and i’d dial back mine. we saw each other all the time, the only time it was ever ok for the fash and the left to unite.

now this friendship has endured all that, me moving away, him getting married, him having 2 kids, me moving to denmark, me becoming even more radical, him defecting to the left, him getting divorced and me having a full blown nervous breakdown (unrelated to the divorce haha). despite all this we would see each other every friday almost without fail, we’d snapchat hella when i was in denmark.

the nervous breakdown here is relevant because throughout all that, despite going thru a divorce and sorting custody of 2 kids, as well as starting a burgeoning new relationship with one of our mutual friends (such a beautiful union tbh) dude would message me every day, see how i was doing. he let me crash at his place occasionally for a change of pace, and he had me leaving the house within 4 days of the breakdown beginning bc he needed my help to get the perfect present for his gf (i’d known her for yeeeeears before they met) and he knew i needed to get out of that bed.

at no point, despite our differences and the paths our lives have gone, could our friendship ever be considered toxic. it was like a fox and the hound type thing... but with nazis. but then, enter diazepam.

so this buddy, hes got a very addictive personality, he’s got a problem with codeine but never stronger opiates and its never really affected his behaviour. i’m a drug doer too man so idc as long as you’re staying safe and you aren’t hurting anybody. he was still a great dad (he still is) and a great friend.

i got that jaw condition which means when it locks i gotta use them to loosen it (and also recreationally bc yeah... drugsy) so i always had valium. hes an anxious dude and as a fellow anxious dude i get it - dude was really worrying about it i’d throw him a valium and he’d feel better. this was on a weekly basis i couldnt have predicted quite what it would turn into.

flash forward to now. I don’t get messages from him really that aren’t about valium in one way or another. it’s a case of “can you use the darknet to get me some valium?”, “do you have a couple valium i can have?” do “[my housemates] have any valium? can you ask them for me i’ll pay them back” etc etc etc, ad infinitum.

like p recently he got not just a new girlfriend but a new job (one where phones are a no no) and im not an asshole, i dont need u to be hitting the bants w me every fuckin day, i would just appreciate a text that isnt about fucking valium. like homies so far gone that he doesnt care if its my last jaw-unlocking valium, if i reluctantly offer he’ll take it!

“but big pissin mama,” you ask “why don’t you just say no? why don’t you just not give them to him”. well, theres a few answers to that question. first one, and to get it out the way, im a big ol’ vagina who can’t say no, i accept it, i hate it but i accept it. secondly, and this is the biggy, the nature of addiction. like ive had him go off on me once before, not hugely, but still going off bc of not being able to get any (all just being snippy ofc, nothing awful). ive seen my dude get angry at people and its scary, and frankly i am terrified at the idea of that being directed towards me.

this aint my friend right now, and i know that so its ok. but to be buds thru so much and then be reduced down to valium dispensary is p cutting. but that said, he helped me immeasurably when i was mental, and i have to be there to help him now. just right now im really sad.

and im meant to be going to his house later cuz yknow... valium in exchange for an hour of face time before the valium kicks in and he gets all bbrrrrrvvvvvbvbvbvbvvvvv and has to go to bed. exactly what you want from ur friends.

i’m probably not going to go.

2 notes · View notes

builder051 · 5 years

Text

Nov(emeto)ber day 30: sick caretaker

Warnings: Emeto

Fandom: My OCs (Bostonians)

@xxx-cat-xxx This one’s for you. Based on a prompt you sent a long time ago.

______________

Hildur is asleep when Pierce leaves for work. If she was awake, she might’ve asked him to stay. She tells herself she would’ve, but really she’s not sure. The throb in her head and the feverish ache in her bones are of the sort that makes her more stubbornly wishy-washy than usual. The idea of getting up, picking out clothes, even choosing a mug for her tea seems overwhelming. She’d rather stay in bed.

So she does, until the baby monitor on the bedside table rouses her with an echo of Lars’s vocalizations. He’s not crying, and he’s still too little to really be babbling, but Hildur understands. I’m awake, Mom. Are you?

Hildur sits up against the pillows, and a slew of questions hits her along with an uncomfortable hitch in her gut. She hasn’t considered how an illness, mild as it may be, could topple their fragile routine. How strong is the immune system of an 8-week-old infant? Can she pick him up without passing on her germs? Can she breastfeed? There’s no formula in the cupboards, and Hildur has yet to figure out the pump apparatus still in its box in her closet. She feels woefully unprepared again. Of course she’s destined to be a terrible mother.

Hildur reaches for her phone, wondering if she can find some answers with Google. But how will she know if the results are accurate? Most of the time she gets by with her limited computer skills, but today it’s just another failure.

She should call Pierce. If her own aching head and gurgling stomach were the only problems, Hildur wouldn’t bother. But with their son’s health possibly at risk, she can’t stay quiet.

“Ok…” Hildur breathes. Her throat burns, and she has to couch to burst a bubble of mucous somewhere between her lungs and her mouth. She selects Pierce’s contact and holds the phone to her ear, the screen cold against her flushed cheek. Hildur’s hair flickers to white-blonde around her shoulders, and the resulting swirl of anxiety leaves her head throbbing anew. She presses the heel of her hand to her temple as she listens to the line ring out.

Hildur glances at the clock as the call goes to voicemail. Pierce is in class, probably walking between the desks, giving kindly-phrased feedback as the students work on their final projects. Hildur remembers the days when she was one of those students, simultaneously relishing and dreading the moments when he stopped beside her easel. It had been a phone message that started their romance nearly two years ago. Funny how things come full circle.

“Um, hi, Pierce,” Hildur says quickly at the sound of the beep, “I’m ok, I, um, I think I have a cold or, uh, something…” She draws in a slow inhale, willing herself to speak less frantically. “I just don’t want Lars to get sick, and I don’t know if it’s ok to hold him, or, uh, feed him, or anything… Or what meds I can take. So, uh, don’t come home or anything. Just, call me? If you can?” Now to sign off, the part she’s worst at. “Sorry. I don’t want to worry you. Just, um. Ok. Love you. Bye.”

Hildur’s out of breath by the time she hangs up and drops the phone into her lap. Another ripple of nausea comes up from her stomach. It’s impossible to tell whether illness or anxiety is the nexus; they combine in a vicious cycle that leaves her hair shimmering silver and her hands the color of paper.

The sound coming from the baby monitor changes. Lars is wailing now, and insistent. Where are you, Mom? A breathy hiccup punctuates the cries, and Hildur knows he’s hungry.

“I’m sorry, my love,” she murmurs, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. Maybe if she just holds him while she looks on the computer, she can figure out a plan.

As soon as she’s on her feet, though, Hildur’s thoughts scatter. The bedroom walls blur and spin around her as hot bitterness tears through her chest and bursts over her tongue. She clutches her phone tightly in one hand and instinctively claps the other over her mouth as she bolts for the bathroom.

It’s mostly acid that comes up, with a few dregs of last night’s dinner and strings of mucous that threaten to choke her. Hildur wraps her arms around her stomach and sinks to her knees in front of the toilet. She heaves again, and her head throbs so hard in response that her vision bursts into stars.

Lars shrieks from his crib. The sound echoes off the bathroom tile and makes Hildur feel as though she’s being assaulted from all sides, like the clapper in a church bell. Guilt follows the pain. It seems wrong to wish her son to be quiet.

“I’m so sorry,” she groans into the toilet bowl. “I’m coming. I’m coming…” Hildur spits and wipes her mouth. Every inch of her body trembles. She squeezes her eyes shut, and when she opens them, her fingertips are sea-glass blue and only marginally opaque. “No,” she complains. “Oh, no, I can’t. Not now.”

Hildur feels as if she’s stuck in quicksand. If she stands up, she’ll fall. If she goes to Lars, she’ll pass on this flu. If she stays still, she’ll disappear. She could call Pierce again, but it’s too soon. He’ll still be in class. She remembers the advice Kris gave her in the early stages of her pregnancy, about the importance of having relationships with family and friends. A card sent to her brother had seemed good enough at the time, but when it comes down to it, Hildur’s failed. Of course. She always does.

Her phone begins to slip out of her sweaty grip. Hildur’s ready to drop it on the bathroom carpet, but on a whim she looks down at the smudged screen. She has a number for Kris. Or for the prenatal clinic, at least. She’s not technically a patient anymore, and she doesn’t know if phone consults are part of their offerings, but she’s desperate. She’ll try anything.

Hildur scrolls through her contacts and drops the pad of her thumb down on Kris’s name. Vertigo flares, and she drops her forehead to the toilet seat, her heart pounding with anticipation.

“Prenatal care, Kristina Tyler speaking,” Kris answers in a rush.

Hildur’s so relieved she can barely speak. “Hildur Gorisdottir,” she breathes. “This is, I mean…”

“Ok,” Kris says a bit more calmly. “What’s going on?”

“I...he…” Hildur swallows the urge to gag. “He’s crying, and I’m sick, and I don’t know if I’m allowed--” A dry heave bursts from her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“Ok, Hildur,” Kris intones. “I hear you. I hear Lars. I need you to breathe. Is Pierce at home?”

“He’s at school.” Hildur pulls in a shallow inhale. “I mean, work.”

“Alright, we’re gonna figure this out.” The sounds of shuffling papers and a chair scraping across the floor come over the line. “Are you in a safe place? You’re sitting down?”

“I...yes.”

“Good. Thank god I have a lunch break today. I’m gonna come get you sorted out, ok? Is that ok with you?”

“Yes, but…” Hildur fumbles with the words. “Don’t leave work for me.”

“Un-uh. My choice,” Kris says. “I could be going through the drive-thru, but I’m choosing to do this. Your address is still the same as what’s on your patient forms?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Stay put,” Kris issues the gentle command. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes. We’ll see if we can get Mr. Pierce the rest of the day off.”

“Ok…” sour saliva floods over Hildur’s back teeth. “I’m just...sorry.”

“Hildur,” Kris says. “You’re gonna be fine, ok? I know it’s scary when this kind of stuff happens, but you gotta believe it.”

Hildur hesitates. Swallows. Then murmurs, “Ok.”

#my ocs #oc fic #Hildur and Pierce #hildur gorisdottir #pierce peabody #kris tyler #sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #mommy hildur #fever #flu #vertigo

9 notes · View notes

passionatewayhorsemanshipllc · 4 years

Text

BECOMING INTERNATIONAL

There was such a whirlwind of events that led to my International debut. I had been thinking about Big Matias, even had just had a conversation about him with another client. He was on my mind as I fondly reflected on his time with me when his owner contacted me via Facebook messenger. Now, I had not heard from her since Matias had gone home, so we’re talking over nine years. Needless to say it was a blast from the past on the heels of some positive reflection of her horse whom I loved.

The message read, “Hi Kirsten! I have a new mare (unrelated to Matias!) and would like to have you come to the farm to help start her. I am in Brewster NY, where are you now? Thanks! Susan 914-xxx-xxxx”. Although I had believed Susan and my separation was not exactly on super terms, I didn’t hesitate to respond to her message. After some messaging back and forth, we set up a day for me to head over to meet her mare Shanti.

My husband came along for the ride out to Brewster the day of the appointment. When we got there, I parked in front of a lovely barn with an attached indoor arena. It was a very nice set up. I was happy I had accepted the opportunity to visit. My husband opted to sit in the truck as I wandered into the barn. I met a young lady, Morgan, who was tending to the farm chores. I introduced myself and said that I was there to meet Susan. She knew that I was expected and quickly picked up her phone to let Susan know I was there.

As I waited for Susan, Morgan told me all about the horse I had come to meet, as well as another named Rainbows. At that time I thought she was just sharing her love of horses and wanted to talk about a horse that she works with. As a horse lover, I was happy to hear about Rainbows as well.

When Susan arrived, it was a hugging reunion so I actually thought to myself, “She must not remember we kinda didn’t get along so good at the end of our past relationship.” I didn’t come with the past in my knapsack, so I was happy to see that all was forgotten. Anyway, Susan mentioned another name that we were going to be waiting on, Christopher. While we did wait, Susan pointed to the mare that was pacing the fence and asked if I had met Shanti. I said, I had been watching her, but had not gone to see her. Susan then asked Morgan if they should bring her in. Now, of course the timing of a shavings delivery was classic as Susan went to get Shanti, the guys began tossing the bags of shavings off their truck up into the loft. I got to see how Shanti led, in general, but also how mindful, or not, she was when something out of the ordinary was happening. Turned out she was high headed, prancing and circling Susan as she clearly struggled to manage this scared mare. I am grateful I was able to see that, so what seemed like terrible timing, was perfect timing for my observation.

Once Shanti was in her stall, she was spinning and worried about the activity just above her stall. Again, if an owner didn’t want to have the perspective trainer see the HOT side of their horse, they would have left the horse out until the activity was over. I’m grateful Susan let me witness that.

After a quick tour, Christopher arrived and we were headed up a flight of stairs. Upstairs was a two bedroom grooms quarters, being used as a meeting room with lots of chairs folded and leaning against the wall, and a good sized, fully functional kitchen. There were posters of functions they had there on the walls and an easel set up with a “Welcome” message.

So, the meeting began. I was still a bit confused by the group meeting as I thought I was there to meet a horse. As the dialog began, I realized that I was there meeting with everyone to sort of ask me if I had any interest in helping with all the horses there. They ran programs with Veterans and kids from all walks of life and with different challenges. It turned out that the horse, Matias, that I started ten years earlier, impressed the Eagala people and there were inquiries on developing more horses like him for their progressive program.

During the meeting it occurred to me that I had just decided to sell my ponies only a week earlier for a reason. THEY were perfect for this place and their cause. I had offered to show them a video of the ponies, to which they excitedly accepted. I had left my phone in my truck, so I ran down to get it. My husband, who was waiting in the truck was there playing with his phone. I told him this was a bigger deal than I believed I was being invited to. Then, as I grabbed my phone, I told him I’d fill him in later. I shut my door and hurried back upstairs.

I scrolled through my video collection; knowing the perfect one minute and one second video to show them. Upon the ending of the video I heard loud and excited, “SOLD!” That was not only music to my ears on the selling of two horses from my expense account, but because I wanted them to stay together, I dreamed of staying somehow in their lives and I wanted them in a safe environment, as far as limited grass. Absolutely every criteria was met in a split second. It happened so fast but when it truly sunk in… it was perfect!

After our meeting that was full of passionate ideas and big plans, I was asked if I wanted to meet Shanti. I absolutely agreed and we went downstairs, back into the barn.

Shanti was a bit more settled, but still quite high headed and wide eyed. I was grateful to see the true colors of this hyper alert and quite fearful mare. Shanti would later prove that her fears were difficult for her to override and move forward in her training.

I agreed to work with Shanti, even though I had seen this to be a challenge. Maybe the challenge was the attraction, or maybe it was the future connection to this farm and involvement with all the horses that offered extra appeal. Whatever it was, I knew this horse was not going to be easy.

Many visits had many breaks in-between. I was becoming just a human who showed up into this horse’s experience, scared the crap out of her and then left. It had been too inconsistent for my ability to make or keep any promises to the horse. I like to promise the horse that I will be there for them and help them when they ask. This horse rarely found true comfort in my presence because it was imperative that she get some serious “scary stuff” exposure.

All the sessions were video taped and many were also audited by groups of people. It had turned out to be a huge turning point for me in the audience sense. I had always had an owner sit ringside, or a few folks, but never a large group in chairs, there to watch me work specifically. I didn’t mind at all and really only found the first time a bit uncomfortable. The second time they were there, I was a pro clinician with a decent audience.

The coolest moment by that time in my journey, was the day I realized that I put what I was experiencing out into the universe and asked for something just like that to be my next step. People were there to see me. Horses where just handed to me as I stood and waited in an arena, and at the end of a session, people said nice things and seemed eager to take an opportunity to shake my hand. One experience in particular that I wonder if I’ll ever forget was, after a session that had been observed, I was collecting and putting my things out into my truck. As I came back into the barn, all the people who had sat thru my clinic style sessions, filtered into the center aisle of the barn. The owner, Susan seemed to be singing my praises as I made an unaware effort to head back into the arena and gather the rest of my stuff. I quickly recognized that I was not supposed to walk thru the crowd, I was being expected to stop and spend time with all of the people who had gathered there.

Since that was a VERY new experience to me, I felt extremely aware of myself, my mannerisms, my eye contact and even my smile. I was taken aback when I saw one woman waiting to shake my hand almost second guess if I would shake hers. I was shaking a man’s hand and as I was returning my hand to my side I caught a glimpse of that woman hand go from slightly outstretch to almost disappointedly return to her side. I quickly reach to shake her hand and she lit up and shook mine. That was the coolest experience I had had to that point in my journey for popularity. See, I had concluded that I didn't want to be famous, but that I wanted to be popular. I believe famous people attract all types, including haters. Popular people are liked and even by those who don’t know them, they are liked in desire to know them. “I want to be popular not famous!” That day I truly felt popular and it was pretty fun. Want to know something else that was cool about the audiences that came to watch my session? They were there in January! Freezing cold temperatures and people were wanting to sit for hours and watch “me” work. How cool is that?

Well, it gets better… Susan had bought Shanti from a breeder in Canada. Even though I was keeping the video uploads on a private setting, Susan was able to share them with whomever she wished. She would just have to invite others to the private address. Otherwise no one could access the videos of Shanti. Susan wanted to keep them private to unveil them at a later date when Shanti was an olympic star. Susan shared the video playlist with Shanti’s breeder.

One day when I arrived to the barn, I was greeted at the entrance by Susan and Morgan. While still holding all my gear Susan announced that the breeder watched my videos and loved what I was doing with Shanti. Susan went on to say that the lady asked Susan if she thought that I would even consider going to Canada to do a workshop at her place. Now, mind you, I was learning that Susan likes to uplift people with nice words of encouragement and at times I believed her to embellish a bit. So with the assumption that Susan was just trying to pump up my ego, I smiled and basically said, “Wow, that’s pretty cool.” all chill like. In my disbelief I didn't seem too thrilled or even considering that I was actually being asked if I would indeed be willing to go to Canada. So, I just kind of laughed it off and went about my training duties.

On my ride home I replayed the fun of being told what Susan told me. I entertained the idea of it, had I believed it to have been true. I had myself a little on cloud nine, enjoying the attention, even if I only believed it was really smoke being blown up my butt by Susan.

When Susan told me about the apparent interest in me, she gave me enough information for me to research “friend lists” to figure out who the breeder even was, on Facebook. I then even found her on Instagram and did a little stalking. I wanted to make my presence known, so I “liked” a picture or two of Shanti when she was a baby. My thoughts were… if she did want to talk to me about a workshop, she would see she now had a way to connect with me through social media.

A few months went by and I had “liked” a bunch more pictures and might have even made a comment or two, but no contact was attempted. One day while at Susan’s, she mentioned Canada again. I had given up on that having any truth, but did say that I had thought about it a little and thought that I’d be willing to go. Susan lit up. She said she couldn’t wait to tell Heather. Again, in my somber disbelief that there was not much to the tale of my being requested to go to Canada, I just smiled.

One day in April, I received a text message. It was a group message between Susan, Heather and myself where Susan was introducing Heather and me. “Hello two of my favorite people!! Heather (Shanti’s breeder) meet Kirsten (Shanti’s trainer) .. Kirsten>Heather… Kirsten.. Heather wants to work on the clinic details for you in Canada” I said, “OK great. Thank you. Hello Heather…Love this girl Shanti” and the first thing Heather said was, “OMG Kristen!!! I need you in my life!!!” with a picture of a heart. We chatted a bit on the group text and then later talked on the phone.

It was real!!!

The funniest part of the months that I believed Susan to have just been stroking my ego a bit, I had missed an Instagram message from Heather back on February 25th. It read, “ Hello!! I feel like I have heard sooo much about you that I need to actually say Hello! Beautiful work with Shanti!!! I am hoping we can arrange a clinic here this summer as I LOVE all natural horsemanship and would love to learn more.” Part of me is glad I missed it because I stayed very grounded during what was already an overwhelming growth experience for me. Then part of me wishes I hadn’t missed it so I didn’t appear like I didn’t care or that I was even dismissive of such a nice message. April 12th was when I actually saw that Instagram message.

In a second phone conversation some perspective dates were tossed around and finally one had been settled on. June 7,8 and 9. I planned to travel June 6 and the 10th. So, with that being settled, I then had to get myself ready. I needed to find my passport and get it updated as I learned in my previous travels that it had expired. I found out that I couldn't just renew it, I had to reapply. Well, that added a little fear to me, because I had joked when the whole thing was first brought up but I didn’t believe it, “I guess I’ll have to update my passport…” said with laughter. Well, I wished I had then.

I made an appointment to go to the post office to get my new passport which required me to have copies of so many documents. Divorce papers, marriage papers, and with so many documents needed, I worried I’d forget something and I’d be denied. So, due to my concern of missing something and having an issue, I went to the DMV also and got the “Enhanced License” That license allows you to cross the border by land or sea, but not by air. A passport would be required for air travel. That was fine as I found it to be so much cheaper to fly into Detroit and drive over, than fly into their airport. It was like $600 cheaper. Since this was my first out of town and out of country clinic experience, I was flipping the bill for my travel. I was price shopping for sure.

Once I had my “Enhanced License” I was relaxed about traveling. Then I made sure I had enough shirts to give for those who where going to participate. I realized, with encouragement from my husband, that I really should give all of them my shirts so they can… spread the word. I even had a fancy one made for the owner of the farm, as a thank you for having me.

I was amazed at how not nervous I was. I literally felt no nerves about the planning, the expectations, none. It was like the few clinics I had done at my place and then the times I worked with an audience at Susan’s, I was ready. It was almost weird just how chill and unfazed I really felt.

I was excited, but not even over the moon when I drove to the airport. I sat in the airport like I was a regular business class traveler. It was surreal just how relaxed I was. I did have a fun moment of imagining a day when I would be recognized… that would be a cool day.

My flight was good, I found Heather and her husband right away by baggage claim and off we went. The ride was pleasant, they were nice to chat with. I found the border interesting and so grateful for them being willing to be apart of my first experience through. It was a little tense, but I learned that you kind of want to get through without being flagged as a car they want to search. Nelson said it can take hours, that they have the right to hold you up as long as they want. That was interesting.

When we arrived to the farm, I was shown where to put my things. Their home was under construction, so their kitchen was not yet functional. There were materials and evidence of immediate plans to work on the place. I stepped over some stuff and made my way to a back bedroom. That would be where I would spend the next few days.

I got the tour of the babies and mommy horses. I met the little ones I had been following on Facebook. The stud colt I was in love with from the minute he was born. There is video of him kicking and running on his side while he was still in the sack. He was going to be a handful for sure. I met him and the filly. The filly was sweet and curious. The colt was busy busy, curious but nippy and busy. What a busy pistol he looked like he was going to be.

Not long after I arrived, we opted to get Chinese food and relax. I was unsure, as most people are as a guest with people you just met, what to do, how much to take, where to go, how to just kind of find the zone. It was tough for me the first night. I also ended up sleeping on my airport neck pillow the first two nights because one of the girls who stayed in the camper outside took the pillow off the bed for herself. I didn't want to be a bother so I just worked with what I had available to myself.

I met some great people, worked with some great horses. Some horses had a lot to say and were receptive to the help. Some horses were needing a new language due to long exposure to very grey language or in one mare’s case, she needed a whole new language of verbal cues because she was going to go completely blind in a short period. I worked with big overgrown babies who were just such fun in their defiance, and a pony who was reluctant to listen, but when he figured out that what I was asking him to do he understood clearly and was quite proud of his achievement.

I left after three days of nine hours on my feet per day. The only glitch we ran into was the storage of my tablet memory. It wasn’t until I got home that I figured out I could just buy cards to load and the issues we were trying so desperately to manage wouldn’t have been issues at all. I took everything positive and contrasting as a learning experience. I loved the challenges of the video memory as it helped me find a future solution to where I have not and will never have that issue again. I learned that I did appreciate my decision to travel into Detroit verses Canada direct. I learned a better management of entries and collection terms. I learned that I loved working individually verses groups. I learned that even though my back usually cannot handle long hours on my feet, in that type of format it can.

Over all I had an amazing experience earning my International credentials. It sure is fun to have the right to call myself an International clinician! Part of the fun is because I almost feel silly, like I’m making it a bigger deal than it is… but it is true, I had been invited and gone to another country and helped people with their horses. As much as it seems like a fib to call myself an International Clinician, it is an accurate title.

#internationalclinician naturalhorsemanship followingmydreams horses clinician International

0 notes

cjsasaki · 6 years

Text

Coppe Prologue

When did this affinity with spiders begin?

evidence 1: I was born under the sign of scorpio,

evidence 2: I loved Charlotte’s Web as a child, and spent a lot of time in the garden,

evidence 3: I got scabies, which is part of the arachnid family, when I took an impulsive trip in search of my mother’s spiritual home in grass valley,

evidence 4: I got a spider tattoo on my torso in 2013,

evidence 5: using my email search box I discovered that in 2007 I was asked by a potential roommate which insect I would be, & I answered spider.

evidence 6: in 2013 I wrote a short story that featured a cunning woman who told a myth to her lover about a princess and a giant spider

evidence 7: in 2016 I went to an ancestor workshop, I followed my fathers mothers’ line into a large dugout where I met a giant burgundy spider who protected my ancestors

evidence 8: in 2017 I applied for my first artist residency, with a proposal to explore lineage, nature reverence, interspecies relating, mythology and improvisational dance techniques thru my connection to spider.. I got it, and here we are...

It was October of 2016 when I went to Daniel Foor’s Ancestral Medicine workshop in Portland, OR. For three days we went in and out of trance, and I developed a deep connection with spider in relation to my feminine Japanese lineage. I had visions of a large ground spider as a familiar, and warning from flying skulls in the forest. I had not heard of the Tsuchigumo myths until I moved to Portland 6 months later, and began my residency at New Expressive Works. I was humbled by my psyche’s inheritance of this story. Tsuchigumo is positioned in japanese folklore as a yokai, a giant ground spider who is also part lion part oni, and uses illusion to trap it’s human pray. Tsuchigumo is also positioned in history as the derogatory term used for indigenous Japanese, esp. those in the mountains, who did not show allegiance to the Emperor. I choose to read Tsuchigumo as protector spirit, and a feared energy that can be harnessed for resistance.

During my residency I also became close to Anansi, a well known Western African trickster deity. When Anansi was brought to the United States and forced to shape-shift for survival, he became Aunt Nancy. I could trace a chaotic connection with the name Nancy back to my early childhood, when I was traveling with my mother on sketchy humanitarian adventures, many of which were in Kenya. Nancy was our code word. I’ve never been able to trust a Nancy, still. I found myself grounded, strengthened and kept in check by my fearful and respectful connection with Anansi.

Another mythic creature I connected with was Jorogumo. Also a Japanese Yokai, Jorogumo or woman spider, is part of the femme fatale lineage. A shapeshifter connected to water. Often told to live under the beautiful Joren waterfall, and take the form of a beautiful woman who steals your heart, before she eats you. There are accounts of people worshipping Joro as a protector from drowning, and warnings in her image against trying to retrieve something you’ve lost. I could liken Joro to my kinship with Medusa, and relate from my societal position as a bold, femme, half Japanese Scorpio. I choose to read Jorogumo as a symbol of desire as creative force.

Arachnophobia is uncannily common. It reads to me as a culturally reinforced prejudice for something one doesn’t understand, or something one has been trained to understand as dangerous. In reality Spider’s are almost entirely harmless, and even protect your house from infestations. Youtube is full of scary spider videos, with a light sprinkling from those trying to debunk spider terror. A colleague once told me that fear can be respect. How we handle that fear is a real telling point.

For my body, for any body, to claim affinity with spider, risks immediate stigmatization. I admit that I too can be startled by spider’s form. When I try to relate biologically I feel a deep foreignness combined with a microscopic familiarity, which is unsettling. On the mythic level, spider is so often demonized and exotified that it’s hard not to frighten myself a little when I embrace it.

I have been listening to a lot of Donna Haraway lectures while in the studio. It was just summer here in Portland, and our backyard shed became a temple of Araneus Diadematus webs. I spent a fair amount of slowed and alerted time with them, hypnotized by cycles of stillness and agility, learning all the facts I could.

Some take aways,

1: Web building Spiders quickly alternate between using multiple varieties of silk in their building process. They create a web in an average of 30 minutes, often making and abandoning several a day.

2: they can recycle their webs by eating them as a protein boost,

3: spiders molt,

4: baby spiders are usually born from egg sacks by the hundreds, and ride the magnetic currents of the wind to disperse like seeds

5: even adult spiders can ride these wind currents, sometimes over entire oceans, by making and hanging from balloons of silk.

6: female spiders do sometimes eat their male partners, if the protein is needed for the birthing process. male orb weavers have a special pattern they play on the web, so the female knows they are kin, there for loving first.

7: Two special ground spiders; Wolfspiders carry their many babies on their backs, Jumping Spiders are responsive to sounds heard with their leg hairs.

8: Arachnids are one of the most far reaching and oldest species on the planet earth, with a huge variety of form, and new species being discovered contemporarily. An example is the silkhenge spider, whose never been seen as an adult, but whose stonehenge-like silk structures were discovered a few years ago scattered along the south american equator line. Unusually, a single spiderling was born from the center of one of the structures earlier this year.

I began mimicking/becoming/relating to my earthly spider friends, and my mythic spider familiars, thru improvisation scores in the studio. I filmed some of these improvisations and started watching myself like I was watching spider, picking out pieces that appealed to me.

In the beginning of my days in the studio, I had used a scroll to check in with myself, drawing body-maps and taking notes, in a sort of reporting I found quite exciting. As I pulled from the improvisation videos, I edited things down into small movement clumps, and translated them into drawings, creating my own notation system. Inspired by my grandmothers interest in elemental science, spiders’ dispersion via wind, and with an desire to test my indecisiveness as adaptability, I devised a divination ritual to disperse the cards, leaving only a small handful for me to work with. These cards inspired much of the final movements in the piece.

There was so much experimentation and research that came with this project for me. To honor it I am putting together a Zine, with images, spider info, myths, my own writing, and visualization scores. They’ll be available at the show (12/15-12/17 @ N.E.W, pdx), or you can contact me if you’d like me to send you one!

with love,

Crystal Jiko

#interspecies #spider myth #coppe #donna haraway #experimental dance #divination #ancestry

1 note · View note

subjectsilver · 7 years

Text

5:05 AM on July 23rd

i absoTonight someone got stabbed over a god damn jul pod.

but lets back up

I have been at school for a week.

I needed to get out of columbus... just like old times there was just nothing left for me there i was just killing myself because of how summer went and how i am and shit whatever. it'll be nice to temporarily go back in the winter and spring and even next summer and i can't wait until then but for now i need to not be there. I need school i need distractions i need people - i need people who are my friends but I'm not too close with - distractions are all i need right now so i don't hurt myself.

I came back to Wake and literally the first day i was here i heard 1-800-273-8255 - Logic 3 times by three separate people. Thats a fucking sign if i know it...ive never really heard that song until like that day and now i listen to it every single day...

Everyday i wake up and have running or lifting and i do that in the morning then i just sit and do nothing until playing pick up soccer at night which is kinda shitty bc fuck boredom and fuck routine but its a distraction none the less so its alright with me...

Im destroying my bank account because i have no meal plan so i eat out everyday which is like 10$ a meal cus life is expensive... but at least I'm eating i mean I'm still underweight sitting around 140lbs but I'm not getting any lighter. Tbh i was kind of getting comfortable being skinny because i love the way my baggy t shirts that are too big for me, fall on me when I'm underweight but i know inside i need to get my weight up to be healthy and like sane. but ill get there..i hope - eating as much as i can in hopes to gain weight anyway.

I knew i was forgetting something when i left - well i forgot a lot but least of all i forgot my contact case so i was sleeping in my contacts for like 5 straight days and that shit killed my eyes but i finally got a case so last night was the first time i slept without them and if i sleep tonight it'll feel good as well.

I'm trying to think about what happened this week but nothing really happens during summer school it kinda sucks. I met all the freshman guys and girls and they all seem pretty cool I've been chilling outside with them every night when were done with pick up and shit because i have nothing better to do and i like hearing conversation hearing them all talk and reading all of them. Half of them think I'm crazy because i only sleep like 4 hours a night and because my teammates tell them the stories that are my snapchat stories this summer. It is what it is ya know.

SIDENOTE andre keels is currently telling me about how he went on a date with this girl and he's low-key geeking out and its pretty funny, I'm happy for him he deserves the high that follows being low - i hope i get that eventually.

I had a really low night a couple nights ago where i just sat outside listened to jcole and smoked cigarettes by myself but i got thru it.. it just seems like when I'm doing absolutely nothing my mind takes over and i think about all the things that bother me with life or just life itself. its kinda shitty because it seems like when I'm not distracted its like a struggle to keep living like i don't understand the point of living or being alive or life in general so it confuses me why I'm here but i try not to think about it.

I thought i was a going to quit cigarettes but i literally need them not because I'm addicted but bc its something to do when I'm alone at night by myself... and i should prob get a jul pod or some shit but its so expensive and niggas are getting stabbed over it now and I'm just not about that lmao ........ I'm dying on my own terms if anything.

im not on social media really anymore. i check it every once in a while but very rarely except like writing weekly shit like i am rn or on snapchat. i guess like 5 albums came out or something and i had absolutely no idea. it's alright tho other people fill me in eventually I'm currently listening to tyler the creators new album. Its a lot better than i expected tbh.

“5 car garage....full tank of gass but that don't mean nothing nothing nothing without u in the passenger”

took a little break to smoke a cig - I'm kinda nice at it now and hitting juuls tbh despite my efforts and much coughing in the past I'm finally getting nice. with my luck ill probably get cancer or some shit but thats alright i guess (kanye hands)

anyways down to business aka the most excitement of this week SOMEONE GOT STABBED OVER A FUCKING JUUL POD

thats fucking lit and crazy and so disappointing of humanity but at the same time the greatest thing thats ever happened ever...

actually 2 people got stabbed but one kid got sliced in the finger so like that doesn't even count but the email i got said 2 people stabbed soon i mean i don't make the rules. I was chilling right i played like 2 games of pong and won both (ayeeeee) then i walked into this house and was staring out of a window i actually took a pic but this fight broke out and i turned around and everyone started leaving under the assumption cops would come... so i walked outside and i was trying to account for everyone that was there because DAD FOLDS came out and i was counting everyone and i thought i had it correct but this kid was like where is abby i think she's dead inside like passed out drunk soon despite hearing sirens i ran back inside and checked the house to find that she was not there which was good so i ran outside and started running with this kid named Sam.. so me and sammy for running through yards and bushes and shit but my shoe got caught in a bush (fuck me right) “sam go on without me live on bruv” so sam started running away... i finally got unstuck and i saw like 3 cops chasing sam so i ran the other direction around this building and on the other side i saw 4 cop cars so immediately i dipped into these bushes where i hit my face on a brick wall and copped a gnarly scratch that will not scar which is disappointing... (incase u were wondering go had a black t shirt on and not the usual white so my shit was not stained or anything thank god) so i was laying there for a good 10 seconds and i got on snapchat and scrolled thru the stories for a brief moment when i heard “sir we saw you jump in the bushes please come out” i was like fuckkkk mee so i got out with my hands up cus a nigga not trynna end up like trayvon and i backed up slowly and got handcuffed and then they patted me down found my wallet, luckily found my real ID and then put me in the car... i wait there for a little and scrolled thru snapchat behind my back and then they pulled me out and questioned me. I just claimed ignorance bc i actually didn't really know shit at all... my only lie was that i didn't know the only guy i was running with. Then they just let me go. They asked me why i was running if i didn't do anything and i was like “i wasn't trynna get stabbed and also cops these days shoot black people so i wasn't trying to be shot either” and at some point this cop was like do you have an accent where are u from and i was like uhhhh ohio? but they let me go and i walked back to campus and i saw all these freshman outside and i was like ooo go to bed y'all and we all went to bed.... then i laid there for like 2 hours before going back outside...talked to some people for a while who were out there and then skrrttted off to smoke and music and write..

present time - its 5:48 AM and someone got stabbed over a juulie like 6 hours ago thats wild....................

tomorrow or today technically I'm going to play beer die (a drinking game) [google that shit] at like 3 and then go to a team cook out and chill. should be alright.

this tyler the creator album is actually kinda nice - i actually did find some nice songs on soundcloud tho today i found a really nice piano piece that kinda calms me down in the beginning then slowly gives me anxiety... I've had a lot of anxiety lately

it seems like I'm feeling so much shit now as opposed to being numb and feeling just so dead and all the feeling at once just scares the shit out of me or makes me heart want to explode but its kinda nice to feel shit sometimes... i still have moments days where i feel absolutely nothing but it is what it is...it can't all get better at one time... I've just noticed tho that like everything use to seem weird to me like literally “this is so weird” always went thru my mind but now EVERYTHING is so scary to me like even if I'm not paying attention and someone speaks to me and the sound catches me off guard it makes me jump. its weird - haha

its getting light outside i know i need to sleep because I'm trying to get 8 hours a night even tho it doesn't always happen but I'm trying. last night i laid awake for 2 hours thinking about magic tricks. card tricks that i will eventually try on people...i created my own card tricks in my head... i have zero decks of cards rn tho which is so rare for me never really happens.

anyways - another update will come next sunday and hopefully by then i get stabbed over a juul pod by then.

6:00 AM I FUCKING HATE BUTTERFLIES.

i love you good morning.

1 note · View note