#ron de shittis

[ivovynckier]

Nancy Sinatra: "These boots are made... for walking away."

#ron de shittis #ron desantis #desantis #ron #desantis drops out #florida #gop #republican #republicans #nancy sinatra

[whinlatter]

<Art credit: Margaryta Yermolayeva>

Wild card trick or treat: go nuts, friend.

Send an ask with “Trick or treat!” to the writer who reblogged this & you could receive a 3-sentence fic, drabble, headcanon, sneak-peek at a WIP, the last sentence they wrote, a new fic idea, random line from a fic, picture of their notebook, a deleted line they love, an idea for a sequel, something they’re researching, behind-the-scenes info on a published fic, or something else!

an excuse to post hinny deleted scenes??? 👀👀👀

i bit off more than i can chew with this delightful trick or treat challenge but i do have literally mountains of dumb harry/ginny letters that didn't make the cut in beasts so here's some deleted scenes/the two of them doing what they do best (flirting by post, shooting the shit). do i love these lines? not particularly, but i love these two and i couldn't find anywhere for this extremely dumb exchange to go in the fic so sharing it here in honour of halloween will have to do! thank you sm @turanga4!

Gin, 

How’s your week? It’s shit here. Work’s shit, weather’s shit, house is shit. Today I also stood in literal dog shit and I couldn’t even scourgify my shoe because I was in a street full of Muggles so I had to wait until I was in the employee entrance at work to try clean it out. And then when I walked in someone said ‘what’s that smell’, and then someone else started retching and someone else started pointing and going ‘shit is that Harry Potter’. So then I had to try to pretend like it wasn’t me that had shit on my shoe until the room had cleared and I could finally sort it out. And now I’m worried the Prophet is going to run a story about how Harry Potter smells like shit, or start calling me The Boy Who Lived in His Own Filth, or bring those Potter Stinks badges out of retirement and send them into mass production, or something.

Yours (drowning in shit) -

Harry

—

The Boy Who Lived in His Own Filth (catchy),

I’m sorry your week has been so full of shit (literal and figurative). It does seem cosmically cruel that you can save the Wizarding World and still find yourself standing in dog shit. You’d think the universe would give you a pass, or something. Really, no treading in dog shit for the rest of your life seems the least the universe could do for you, given how much trouble you’ve gone to. I’m outraged on your behalf and willing to write to whatever necessary higher power to make this right. 

It’s pretty shit here too. I miss you (yawn, lame, boring). When you inevitably go into hiding from the brutal Prophet expose of your personal hygiene habits you are very welcome to hang out with me up here/hide out in Hagrid’s cabin and help me try to explain to him the proper consistency of custard. 

Yours in shitty solidarity,

Hagrid’s long suffering sous chef

—

Dear Hagrid’s long suffering sous chef/custard de-lumper in chief,

Thanks for the sympathy. I miss you too, a lot (yawn, lame, boring). Ron’s just asked if I’m writing to you ‘again’ like he doesn’t write to Hermione each time there’s a Y in the day. He just asked what we even talk about. So if he asks I told him we’re working on a big list of his flaws and most embarrassing moments to read out at his thirtieth and/or him and Hermione’s wedding, whichever comes first. Now he’s saying we’re ‘very childish’ and keeps trying to get a look at the parchment to check if I was lying or not. Oh wait no now he’s going up to his room to write Hermione about his very busy exciting day spent reading evidence logs and complaining about the canteen’s stingy pie portions. What a lucky girl.

Keep fighting the good custard fight. 

Yours,

Harry

PS. Thanks for the offer but have to say no to hiding out in Hagrid’s hut. Fang’s poos are huge. I can’t risk it. Can I not crash in your dormitory? The steps up to the girls’ rooms don’t still turn into slides, do they? 

—

Outrageous and scandalous attempt to wangle your way into my bed, Potter. Of course the steps still turn into slides. What, you thought because there was a war on and the castle got pounded to smithereens the relics of archaic magical paternalism designed to defend young witches’ virtues would somehow cease to function? How naive. Anyway, I for one am grateful for the slides, if they stop you bringing your stinky shit covered shoes into our dormitory.

Tell Ron I'm writing you absolute filth. Like debauched sexual propositions, truly eye-watering stuff. That said, if you think for a second I’m not going to back my dear brother in his campaign for generous pie portions then you’re out of your mind. Despite the sneering of critics (you), we Weasleys believe in the importance of hearty pie helpings, almost as much as we believe in the importance of perfect custard viscosity.

Yours,

Ginny

PS. You're literally not going to believe this - wrote this letter at Hagrid’s, was heading out and sealing it up to send and I literally stepped in one of Fang's enormous shits. What are the chances???

#hinny #this is extremely dumb content #but they're dumb jocks at heart so it works #literally just harry and ginny flinging poo jokes at each other across the scottish border #hinny fanfiction #ginny weasley #harry x ginny #beasts #trick or treat challenge

[hptransfest]

HP Trans Fest: Week 4!

Week 4 of posting was reserved for all the people who didn’t finish their work on the original posting date, so we’ll share the works as one as they came in throughout the week!

Our first fic of the week! This is a cute Draco/Ron oneshot with trans woman Ron who makes brooms and fashion designer Draco!

Title: Love-Woven Rating: T Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Ron Weasley Words: 4.4K Summary: Something changes between Ron and Draco along the way of broom commissions, shitty bribes, evil jelly, scandalous outfits, masquerade balls, and lots of sparkles. Link: AO3

This next one is a modern setting tomarry AU where Tom Riddle is a trans woman and a burlesque dancer, and I'm honestly obsessed with that concept

Title: Burlesque (with a twist) Pairing: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle Rating: Mature Words: 14K Summary: Celestia Moshire de Vil, formally Tom Marvolo Riddle, is a small town witch trying to make her way in the world after she moves to London. Through the ups and downs of life, she finds a passion for provocative dance and perhaps even true love. Link: AO3

This next fic is also a modern AU, in which Draco is trans and a firefighter and falls in love with herpetologist Charlie Weasley (I had to google what that is but it's someone who works with amphibians and reptiles!)

Title: Into the Fire Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Charlie Weasley Rating: Mature Words: 4.4K Summary: Perhaps Draco should have expected the spark between him and Charlie Weasley: after all, a firefighter and a man who wrangled dragons for a living were both bound to be comfortable around fires. But it's one thing to start a fire, and another thing entirely to keep the flames alight. And Draco knew he had to tell Charlie the truth, and soon, to see whether their spark was one that could build to an inferno... Link: AO3

This is a Lily & Vera Snape (trans woman Snape!) and it's a oneshot with polyjuice and dysphoria which includes the tag "the blurred line between gender envy and sexual desire" which

Title: romantic vivisection Characters: Lily Evans and Vera Snape Rating: Mature Words: 1.7K Summary: take me apart and put me back together / as something beautiful forever Vera tries an experiment. Link: AO3

This is a oneshot about non-binary Narcissa Malfoy coming out to their family and !! it's lucissa and the tag "supportive lucius malfoy" is all I need to be excited istg

Title: Cinderella's not Dead, just wearing different shoes Characters: Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Malfoy, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Rating: Teen Words: 1.1K Summary: Narcissa never really felt comfortable being the Lady of the House. Mainly because they never felt like a lady. They finally find the words to describe themselves, but will their family be accepting of them? Link: AO3

And finally! A beautiful comic about the marauders exploring femininity, with James & Sirius' friendship and established wolfstar. Genderfluidity and trans!Sirius!

Title: charitable explorations Characters: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Rating: General Summary: A short comic about little guys (re)exploring femininity :) Reading time: ~7 minutes Link: AO3

#harry potter #hp trans fest 2023 #draco malfoy #severus snape #charlie weasley #sirius black #trans headcanons

[i-gwarth]

Dead Space (2023) - Social themes and Unitology

I was a big fan of the original trilogy and I cam to this remake with high hopes. I got pretty much what I expected i.e. a recapturing of the visuals and sounds and scares of the original with a tightened narrative and some new bells and whistles. I sort of hope this leads EA to revive the series, because I feel like this setting has themes even more relevant in 2023 than they were in 2008.

Settings like the Expanse and Dead Space, and even older ones like Alien, try to imagine what the world would look like if (in the words of Cody Johnston) you try to build Star Trek but skip a bunch of steps. You get a highly-technological society that's also a hellhole, owned either by mega-corporations like CEC, or de-facto totalitarian regimes like EarthGov, which constantly try to out-do one another in repression, control and dystopianism. Workers are inevitably *fucked* in a setting like this; there's too much power, technology and wealth concentrated at the top for any sort of social change to be viable. It almost feels like it's too late.

And all you have to do to see the seeds of that world is look out the window, at the society we have in the 2020s.

Dead Space in particular also carries a third element to the far-future space-dystopia: grift religions. In a world where most people live under some form of repression, hope can become a commodity. And that inevitably will lead someone to figure out how to manufacture, package and sell it. The movie Babylon AD portrays something like this with the Noelite church, but Dead Space does it more elaborately.

Back when I played the 2008 version of Dead Space, the Church of Unitology was its most outlandish and least believable aspect. I could believe aliens that reanimated dead tissue, but this? It was *so obviously* a con job, so clearly aimed at bringing a minimal amount of hope to the lower classes while creating the most amount of power for itself. It was so transparently similar to the Scientologist cult, that I had a hard time believing anyone could ever fall for it. I didn't think a modern, post-Enlightenment society could be tricked by this shallow veneer of superstitious, spiritualist "hope".

But then 15 years passed. I grew up and learned about how nobody is completely immune to cult conditioning. I found out how rare critical thinking actually is. Then Qanon happened. I started reading about a cult that tricked a bunch of bigoted, self-righteous people into giving its figureheads money and worshipping a transparently self-serving con-man. I heard people talk with conviction about the certainty of the Great Awakening.

I basically watched the American public (and some Europeans) get tricked by a cult that's about a thousand times less refined and well-constructed than Unitology. It worked. A bunch of shitposts by internet ratfucker Ron Watkins triggered a political movement with evident religious overtones.

Late capitalism so thoroughly rots the brain of people that some will be ready to believe anything if it will give them a feeling of hope, no matter how feeble and transparently artificial.

I'm not trying to say that some garish horror videogame is providing prophecy on the shape of the future. But I do think it's illustrative of the necessity for social change in order for humanity to avoid living in a dystopia that's even worse and stupider than anything imagined by fiction. It's such an obvious and inescapable necessity that even a game published by one of the worst companies in the world can capture it. The worst direct critique of capitalism Dead Space can come up with is a shitty grafitto in a bathroom stall. But indirectly, the inevitability of collapse is almost taken for granted.

#dead space #dead space remake #unitology #qanon #dead space 2023 #cheap literary analysis with preda #gaming sauron

[c4tg1rlf41lur3]

had a power thought at work today and so i wrote it down in the silly little work memo pad. im just gonna write it all down here. bc i can.

transcription start!

' golden trio? cursed trio. obvi we have harry first, like OBVIOUSLY he's got his curse scar forehead shtick, but also he's like. fought death since age 11 (AT LEAST). mans is not gonna b completely unscathed save for the silly little death curse scar :3 he's prob got a burned palm from the philosopher's stone/quirrdle. quickle. what the fuck's name. him. 2nd year we've got the basilisk fang stab. big scar, pheonix tears or no. 3rd year he got no big wounds from what i can remember? whole lot of emotional trauma but what's new. 4th year burns from dragon in 1st task, maybe some residual gill/webbing scars from gillyweed in 2nd task, then the piece de fucking resistance from the third task. by that i mean forehead scar is prob. worse. somehow. maybe it spiders out like cracks in the skin further than it already has. and by lightning scar i also mean like actual lightning. not that shitty little ⚡️ something messy and even bigger after the graveyard ("i can touch you now" scene) + scar on forearm from blood sacrifice. 5th year "i must not tell lies". obvi. then a lot of shit happens to harry in 6th/"7th" year that i Do Not Remember woops. whatever happens there = still there.

RON! bestie. bby. im so sorry the movies utterly DESTROYED ur character. he doesn't suffer as much physical damage (still emotional! but) + a lot he does receive isn't caused by magical curse objects physically hurting him. i've got rules for these headcanons you just don't get to know what they are. (directly caused by magical object/curse/cursed object = scar) (indirectly caused by magic or nonmagical encounter = no scar) (<- situational healing magic properties). anyways ron. lots of his injuries are indirectly caused by magic (i.e hit down by chess pieces) this trend gets obliterated past 4th year. ministry of magic showdown. the works. those weird brain jellyfish things that stuck on him all mind zappy + literal zappy. THE FUCKING LOCKET. aw harry, ron, n hermione have matching scars <3 from the locket horcrux. they all wore it right. im sorry rons section isn't as detailed i just know he went through HELL in the last books but I! DO NOT! REMEMBER THOSE! bad jojo. woe is me. FIENDFYRE BURNS. WHAT THE FU-

hermione is a similar case to ron, but actually very little physically happens to her, magical or no. i scoff at this blatant sexism. i'd like to think maybe the polyjuice potion cat hair fiasco of 2nd year may have had some lasting effects (purrhaps some facial scarring from whiskers, marks at her tailbone from the tail) (haha) (see what i did there) (anyways) then we have the removal of an imperfection when they fixed her teeth. more sexism with that btw. but like ron, lots of damage past the 4th book. notably the written "mudblood" scar from bellatrix. i cannot remember what else happens to hermione other than that. guess i'll die '

the end. theres very little point to this tbh i just thought it was interesting. i didn't check my work at all btw. if anythings wrong i. Dont care love u byeeeeee

#i do not support jkr #harry potter analysis? #ron weasley #hermione granger #harry potter #hp hcs

[nervousron]

possible post game scenarios. Rambling, really.

trying to figure out how to format my post C ideas/headcanons to reply to @iagami (hi!), and I keep running into distractions. Todays distraction is possible loose ends/scenarios for post-GTAV

Lamar and Franklin being under scruitny for Stretch's murder. Everyone in the Ballas and the Families seem to know about Lamar and his constant fuck-ups, the most recent being the situation with Stretch. Tonya also mentions people noticing Franklin hanging out with Michael and Trevor. So some old white rich guy rolling up and killing Stretch, whom Franklin and Lamar are well known to have issues with, is bound to turn one or two heads their way

During the events of Minor Turbulence, Trevor hijacks a Merriweather plane, hoping to sell the guns to Oscar Guzman. Ron tries to get Trevor to wait until things are in the clear to set up the deal, implying that there will be reprecussions if Oscar feels his time is wasted. Trevor disregards the warning and demands Ron sets things up. Ron informes Trevor he is waiting with Guzman's men at Mckenzie Field. The plane goes down, and so does the deal. In-game, this is dropped fairly quickly. So what happens next with Trevor and the cartel boss? They have history working together, and Oscar obviously knows Trevor and the way he operates. Most likely nothing would come of it, but who knows maybe something would. Makes for easy drama at least.

Michael De Santa getting recognized as Michael Townley now that he's a famous Vinewood producer. It happened once already with nothing more than a movie quote, it would make sense for it to happen again now that his face is on TV. Fame is another classicaly bad Michael idea. It would most likely go horribly wrong for him, but if you want to be fantastical it could go exceptionally well with his bizarre luck. (Here's where I lose the audience) I think if the internet got a hold of the information it would blow up practically overnight. Faster than Lester can try to divert it. The whole world knows the name Michael Townley. Since this is the gta world and everyone is loosy goosey with the rules in general, he becomes sensationalized. People are fascinated by the past of this "crime boss" turned movie executive. (how the media spins it. It goes right to Michaels head, and irritates the hell out of Lester and Trevor.) He does time but its very minimal, then he gets own shitty reality show for 3 seasons. He also makes a movie based on his life thats very dramatized and gets shit reviews.

The investigation into the Vanilla Unicorn's missing owner Leon coming to bite Trevor in the ass

In GTA Online its revealed that Trevor and Patricia are having an ongoing affair after the games events. Her son is aware of this, but Martin is not. So, yknow, whatever comes from that.

Franklin is shown in GTA Online to have a new company specializing in celebrity security. Michael I think would be a big customer considering the shit he's always getting into.

#Im sure I'll think of more #I just wanted these off my mind and written down #talkaton #i wont do anything with these ideas i just like thinking about them #headcanons

[p0ssyart]

get you a simp man like ron delite

!!!! reblogs > likes !!!!

#op #digital art #ace attorney #ace attorney trilogy #ace attorney fanart #ron delite #mask de masque #sorry for the shitty hand writing

[somniorumfactus]

The golden trio

Harry, Hermione, Ron

The Chief, the Guide, the Centre

#I'm on a minor les mis kick rn #if I had any skill whatsoever i'd make a shitty edit wiht this but alas I have none #someone anyone please tell me you know what i'm talking about here #this has been a major fucking revelation #harry potter #hp #the golden trio #ron weasley #hermione granger #les miserables #les amis de l'abc

[pollokima]

My pretty thieves!

#ace attorney #cookie run #crob #cr #mask de masque #ron delite #roguefort cookie #shitty and messy drawing #aaaaaaaa

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes​ who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they’re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

#marwan kenzari #luca marinelli #the old guard #and other movies #i'm lazy #immortal husbands #and their parallel versions i guess #crossover ships galore

[ivovynckier]

Where is that Chinese spy balloon now? Floating over Florida? Do something, Ron!

#ron de santis #de santis #de santis desroys florida #de shittis #ron de shittis #florida #spy balloon #chinese spy balloon #balloon #balloons #china #spying #balloon tracker

[aerialflight]

Fic Rec (it's been too long and I read a whole lot of fics)

I've read so many fics these past couple of months and my need to share them to the world has seized me by the throat. Please enjoy and support these fanfic writers! They are the best. XD

-

[Naruto]

Nine-Tailed Foxes are Dead by RowlettLesbian

Ship: Shikamaru/Naruto

For Konoha, it's been one month since the preliminary Chunin exams. For Naruto, it's been six. And he wasn't in Konoha.

At the end of his ordeal, Naruto walks into the Chunin Exam finals without his left arm.

Shikamaru is very concerned. And, eventually, very precious to Naruto as they work together to solve the mysteries of Konoha and bring kindness to the Shinobi world, one adventure at a time.

(I would die for this fic. I know the summary sounds doom and gloom but IT'S NOT. This fic made me fucking cry, I don't think I've ever read a fic that characterized Naruto so right. He's so full of hope and love and develops into the best version of himself and I'm so HERE FOR IT. And it's not just Naruto, Shikamaru is absolutely amazing here along with Kakashi and surprise surprise Ino, I can't BELIEVE it took me this long to stumble across this fic. Also THE WORLDBUILDING IS TO DIE FOR!!! And the plot! Is! So! Interesting! Just, everything about this fic is just amazing so please PLEASE read this!!!)

The End of the Uchiha by RowlettLesbian

Ship: Naruto/Sasuke

“I promise, little electric spirit of this shrine,” he whispered into the soft dirt and fallen leaves, “I will never gain the eyes. I will never pass them on. And I will make sure the eyes end in my brother, so that they can’t hurt anybody anymore. I will be the last Uchiha, and see to the end of the Copy-Wheel Clan. Then all of the hatred here can stop, and my family can rest peacefully. I promise, little shrine.”

Sasuke is more than his brother thinks he is. He's more than any Uchiha has ever been. He will kill his brother, but it will not be vengeance.

It will be mercy.

(Same author as the one above, they are the gift that keeps on giving. Seriously, HOW did I NEVER FIND THESE FICS before now??? One of life's greatest mysteries. The author's sense of humor is so on point here along with the atmospheric writing that's so vivid in the mind. Their writing style is so recognizable to me now and makes me fall into the world they're creating, it's stunning. Sasuke here makes me want to hug him and the idea of him living like a feral ghibli character has me LIVING. Check the tags of the fic, all of it is true, hand to god. Please give all of the author's fics a shot, it's a rabbit hole I'm thankful I fell into!)

mil fantasmas (gritan en calma) by LegaciesandMemories

Post-Tsukuyomi, something in Uchiha Sasuke's mind shatters. The same night, Yamanaka Ino falls asleep and doesn't wake up for 15 days.

---

In which Ino and Sasuke both wake from the aftermath of the Uchiha Massacre with the ability to see ghosts, and no one is prepared for the fallout.

(This fic has arrested my curiosity and eagerness to know what will happen next. These poor kids need so many hugs and Ino is getting the spotlight she deserves. I am so excited for this fic and what it has in store! Please read! XD)

Lichtenberg Figures by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815)

Name: Kakashi Hatake Rank: Jounin Status: Missing Nin Missing Since: June 15th, 271 AD Note: Flee on Sight . . . Haburashi looked his team in the eyes— three, fresh out of the Academy genin— and resolved to teach them as best as he could. And right now, his lesson was simple: “Stay. Away. From. Kakashi. Hatake.”

(Dimension travel fic with a slice of Kakashi being an absolute troll and dealing with the shitty hand he's been dealt with. Seriously, the man has the worst luck in all of Konoha. Also, the mystery of the other Kakashi's history has me leaning by the edge of my seat, I need to know.)

The Governess by Ysmirel

Ship: Kakashi/OFC

"“What,” he finally asked, “is so funny?”

Ibara bit her lower lip to keep the chuckles in, still smiling and making absolutely no effort to get more space between them, seemingly perfectly at ease within reach of a trained shinobi. Her self-control wasn't all that good, as she ended up snorting and was overcame once again by another fit of laughter. “I just- It's just-” She struggled to speak, trying to catch her breath and wiping away tears of mirth with the hand that wasn't still holding onto his vest. Finally, she looked him in the eye and said, with a smile that was all teeth and without a hint of her previous drunken stupor, “and who's going to believe you?”

As he stood there, stunned by her words and change in demeanor, he realized with dawning horror that she was right."

In which Kakashi finds himself at the other end of the troll shtick, and he doesn't appreciate it all that much.

(It's so hard to find self-insert fics with a fresh concept these days, especially in the naruto fandom. Not that I don't enjoy and devour a lot of self insert fics like it's going out of style, but it's just so nice to find something new and shiny and really damn good. I'm so pumped for this fic and how it's going to develop so please join me in rooting for this fic!)

half a league (until the valley of death) by SpectersShadow117

Kakashi can think of no reason for Sasuke's inexplicable and drastic change in behavior. He doesn't like the desperate, haunted gleam in his student's eyes, and he also doesn't like the nagging feeling that he's missing something very important. Aka: Future Sasuke goes to Past Sasuke and gives him a reality check with Specific Intentions, but as with most Uchiha, his methods leave much to be desired. (Featuring: Childhood trauma FTW, Konoha's shitty care of orphans, and absolutely no one having a fun time.)

(Sasuke wanting to change the future out of complete and utter spite has me LIVING. Sasuke is such a Mess here and the twist on the time travel premise is so good and the kid is so Traumatized and Desperate and Not Having A Good Time. Naruto and Sakura developing as better ninjas and Kakashi trying his best makes me want to scream. Also, how Sasuke thinks about Itachi makes me want to cackle. I am 100% down for this. I am rooting for this kid, go get them! XD)

-

[Harry Potter]

fruit loops in time (circle around me) by justprompts

Ships: Harry/Draco, Remus/Sirius

"This is Crabbe, and Goyle," the blonde boy says, pointing at the two boys next to him. "And I'm Malfoy, Draco Ma - "

Ron laughs, and Malfoy immediately bristles.

"Think my name's funny, do you?" Malfoy says, angrily. "No need to ask yours - "

"You're honestly so cute," Ron interrupts, yet again, shaking his head. "So tiny. And so angry, all the time. It's adorable."

Alternatively Ron Weasley, Time Traveller Extraordinaire, is stuck in the same seven year Hogwarts Loop, repeating the same thing over and over again. Naturally, he's so done with everything.

(This is the greatest hp fic I've ever read. I LOVE RON WEASLEY and by the time you read this fic SO WILL YOU!! This is the fic I WISH I have the ability to write. I read this entire fic aloud to my brother and we spent literal hours howling and talking about how utterly insane and incredible this fic is, it's amazing. This is hands down my favorite Ron Weasley. You Can Pry This Fic From My Cold Dead Fingers.)

-

[Boku no Hero Academia]

Kacchan's Cult by Ourliazo

Pro Hero Ground Zero is attacked, originally meant to be de-aged out of existence by a desperate villain but is instead launched into his 14-year-old self.

But Katsuki is a fucking pro so whatever, time to fuck up someone's day. And sure, maybe he's only one man, but that's why he conscripts the entirety of the UA student body into tearing down some criminal empires.

(It's time travel, crack, and Bakugou being his usual explody, competent self. What more in life do you want? Seriously though, please read. I'm obsessed with this fic and having a Good Time!)

Cleaning Crew; Teaching Kids to Value their Safety, for Fun and Profit by Reavv

Takenaka Hideo is a thirty-two year old, in mild desperation for money, who has just been hired as a new janitor for UA's support staff. He has a quirk that lets him find lost objects, a liaison with the police because of it, and desperate desire for competent co-workers.

Oh, and he's already lived a previous life, in a world where quirks and heroes didn't even exist.

Not a big deal, though. It's not like you ever see the janitor playing a big part in action movies. He's here to get paid, and that's it.

On the opposite side of the equation, class 1-A has to wonder at the new UA cryptid that always seems to show up when things are on fire, and who keeps trying to convince them to let the adults handle the fire extinguisher.

(A great deal of fun packed into one fic. That is how I title this fic and nothing will change my mind! Hideo just wants to quietly do his job and not get in the way. I Relate. Please read!)

Poltergeist by WriterGreenReads

Class 1-A is haunted.

Well, not really.

I AM dead, though.

World's friendliest poltergeist, at your service.

(I don't know how I got so sucked into OC fics, but I found some fantastic fics along the way so I have no regrets. The author really tries to push the premise and I just love all the interactions and dynamics that form as the fic gets further in. And the OC character and all the hijinks they get up to cracks me up! At the same time, it's pretty heartwarming and it's practically a friendships galore fic! Definitely recommend it!)

invincible by supercrunch for Engrin

Ship: Bakugou/Midoriya

This is the way the world works: the sun rises in the east. The strong come out on top. Bakugou Katsuki rockets through life like a comet and Midoriya Izuku stumbles after. If he believed in such things Katsuki would say it was written in the stars. That some god of war had looked at him and said this one. That he’d been passed along a line to get his blessings – genius, willpower, fearless ambition – and dropped off on earth.

Then, of course, there is the question of Deku. The spitfire runt. Deku, no matter what the world does to him, never stops hoping.

Until, of course, he eventually does.

(Katsuki broke him. Snapped him in half like a twig and now has to scramble to put Deku back together. “We can do this, Deku," he says slowly. "There are so many mysteries that never got put to bed. Criminals roaming around looking to hurt people and you and me, we can fix that.”

There’s a long pause. The comforter slips a little off Deku’s skinny shoulders and drowns him. “You mean like a team?”

In that split second, Katsuki makes a decision he’s never even considered. He swallows his pride. “Yeah, Deku. We’d be a team.”)

(If there was any other way canon could've gone, this is the story I would've wanted. It's perfect.)

Inadvertent Wilderness Therapy by Cacid

Following an unfortunate encounter with a teleporter on the last day of internships, Bakugou Katsuki and Hakamata Tsunagu spend some quality time in northern Canada.

In no particular order they will: build ugly survival shelters, stalk rabbits, run from polar bears, reflect on the chemical composition of trees, insult each other, and complain about krumholtz.

(THESE TWO. TOGETHER. IN THE WILDERNESS. IN FUCKING CANADA OF ALL PLACES. I still can't believe this fic actually exists and just how INVESTED I became in their relationship. Blue Jeanist instantly became my favorite ranked hero with this fic alone. HIS SENSE OF HUMOR IS TERRIBLE, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FNIEWOPAF. BAKUGOU DOES TOO. IT'S FUCKING INCREDIBLE. *incoherent screeching into the wild*)

-

[Stranger Things]

Baci D'aria by RabbitDarling

“Love is worth the sum of itself, and nothing more.” ― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

Steve learned a lot at his Aunt's side before she passed but his favourite thing she taught him was baci d'aria; special little spells that you created from the heart and put into the food you shared.

In opening his heart and gifts to those around him Steve slowly finds himself a family in a way he never thought he'd get to experience. One by One he collects pre-teens to trail in his wake like ducklings and Steve can't even refute it by the time he realizes what has happened.

(This fic is so soft and Steve is just collecting people and winning them over with his magical food (literally). I am always a sucker for heartwarming, good for the soul fics so if you want to make yourself hungry and feel all warm and gooey inside, read this!)

(Don't Fear) The Reaper by TeaFourTwo

Ship: Steve/Billy

He looks down at the blood on his hands and on the floor and wonders why the memory hasn’t broken yet, why he isn’t back in Starcourt mall with control of his body again, wonders if he's even still alive at all. Is this hell then? Or perhaps purgatory? It certainly isn’t heaven, that’s for sure. None of this makes any sense…but then what's new—nothing in Billy’s life makes sense anymore.

Billy laughs then, loud and long and unhinged. It's the only sound in the whole house, and it bounces off the walls like a fucked up echo, like the world is laughing with him.

“Jesus christ you’re insane…” It’s Max’s voice and it’s shaking. It only makes Billy laugh harder, because Max has it all wrong. Billy isn’t crazy, it’s the rest of the world that’s insane.

--

Billy dies a hero of sorts. He wakes up back in his bed on Saturday morning, the third of November, 1984...nearly nine months earlier.

(Billy is stuck in a time loop and it's slowly driving him crazy. And the fic shows just how much influence Billy did have in the plot and how doomed the world is without him in it. Great character exploration with Billy's character and all the ways he's so messy and human. Definitely recommend it!)

-

[Knives Out]

The Road Less Traveled By by UisceOneLove

Ship: Marta/Ransom

If Harlan wants to leave Ransom to be on his own, fine. He'll show him just what Ransom Drysdale is capable of.

or, where Ransom chooses to prove his abilities through means of the non-homicidal variety and finds himself becoming exactly what Harlan was hoping he would.

(I found this fic out of sheer chance and god, Ransom is just, so fascinating to me as a character. Marta of course is the Best here and I will forever stan her. Seriously, this is such a good fic! Please read!)

-

[Haikyuu!!]

Sky Full of Stars by grilledsquids

The Hinatas are twins. They're practically identical.

But while Shouyou seeks out Karasuno's volleyball team to become the next Little Giant, Natsu is scouted to to play soccer for Shiratorizawa. While Shouyou sets his eyes on playing volleyball at the highest level possible, his sister wonders how much longer she can play soccer... and if it's worth it to keep going.

A Natsu-centric story featuring: Shiratorizawa VBC shenanigans, too many soccer OCs, mild teenage drama, a little bit of plot, and Semi Eita not knowing what a period is.

(It's just!! So cute and wholesome!!! The Shiratorizawa volleyball team is so fleshed out along with the OC characters for the girl's soccer team and I swear, it's been a long while since I've laughed this much at the sheer shenanigans that happen in a fic. It's surprisingly hard to find good gen fics in this fandom so finding this gem made me so happy! If you want a fic that brings a smile to your face, read this!!)

like water by speakingincode

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says, and when Tooru looks at him, he can read My best friend’s an idiot off the crease of his eyebrows. “Are you telling me you spent the last three years weirdly obsessed with Kageyama – I still remember the time you made us play him on a dumb whim, you know – and now you’re at his beck and call? Are you okay? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m— I’m not at his beck and call! I said no last week. It’s… It’s like you said. I get bored easily. I saw him at the park a couple weeks after they played Nationals and called him a perfect little tyrant, and he pestered me into spending time with him after,” Tooru says. “I’m not a monster, Iwa-chan. If he wants the company of his cool, handsome ex-upperclassman that badly, who am I to begrudge him?”

Or: Oikawa doesn't know why Kageyama keeps asking to meet him on Saturdays. He also doesn't know why he keeps saying yes.

(The fact this fic is canon-compliant and covers post-canon too makes me want to shout to the heavens. Fucking incredible! One of the best Oikakage fics ever and it's a crime how it's not at the top of the ship tag. Please please read!!)

twist into your shape by kakkoweeb

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

The only thing better than sweets were sweets containing paper that told you whether your future would be good or bad--or in Kageyama and Oikawa's case, paper that somehow caused you to live inside each other's bodies.

(Everyone probably already read this fic but it needs to be said, you need to read this fic. How these two try and manage each other's lives and slowly start to care about one another is so beautiful and sincere and I am ready to wrestle anyone to the floor and comply them into reading this fic. Doesn't matter if you like the ship, you will become a fan if you read it, I promise. Please please read!!)

Take the Long Road Home by pepperfield

Ship: Kuroo/Sawamura

When Azumane Asahi goes missing before his engagement meeting with Kozume Kenma, what other option is there but for Daichi to impersonate his brother and fake his way through a first date with Asahi's fiance?

Okay, let's be realistic - there were probably at least four other options.

Unfortunately, Tetsurou couldn't come up with any of them either, so now he's here flirting with Kenma's future husband while trying to keep his web of deceit from collapsing.

It's going to be an eventful day.

(I got obsessed with this ship alongside Oikakage and SO WILL YOU. THE POTENTIAL. THE BANTER. THE FACT THEY'RE BOTH DORKS AND THE FIC HAS IDENTITY SHENANIGANS DANCING ALL OVER IT!! I had so much fun reading this and these two are MEANT TO BE FENIWPAF. If you don't see the potential of this ship, you will now.)

a misunderstanding a day keeps the boyfriend away by bartallen for betuls

Ship: Kuroo/Sawamura

Kuroo doesn’t fall in love hard and fast like many others do – he falls slowly, and very very softly. Most of the times he doesn’t even realise he’s in love with someone until it’s too late.

(Kuroo is the dumbest man alive and I've never related to someone so hard in my life. God help me.)

You like me. by roseknight

Ship: Daishou/Kuroo

Kuroo nearly lived a Daishou-free life, and sometimes he looked back and wondered how much better and how much worse that would've been.

(I didn't even know who Daishou was until I read this fic and now I can't unsee the potential this ship has. I'm a ruined woman and I regret NOTHING.)

Kings of the Road, Kings of the Universe by EzzyDean

Eight magical captains, one bus, an entire summer (and country) waiting for them.

What could possibly go wrong?

(The magic of friendship meets the magic of a summer road trip meets pure magic.)

(CAPTAIN SQUAD IS THE BEST SQUAD SOMEBODY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND ME SOME CAPTAIN SQUAD FICS I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SQUAD IT'S A PROBLEM AAAAHHHHHH!)

宿縁 : See You Soon by MissKiraBlue

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

Upon arriving at the train station of death, an impure soul is granted a second chance at life against his will. Reincarnating into the body of Kageyama Tobio, a 15-year-old boy who recently committed suicide. Tobio's soul will depart at death and the soul needs to slip in to replace it. If the soul's reformation succeeds, he’ll reenter the cycle of rebirth and regain the right to be reborn. He will have three months to accomplish this task.

“Even though you had enough of life,” the soul whispered into the void of the room, “you were still afraid to hurt your hands, Tobio.”

Afraid of giving himself a scar, if he survived.

He touched his pulse and grasped life and couldn’t help but pity Kageyama Tobio.

"You wanted to die and now I’m here making you live again," he whispered into the night.

(I'm not even exaggerating when I say out of all the fics in this entire goddamn, too long list, this is the fic I'm anticipating and heart eyeing the most. It's only starting, but I already cried on chapter fucking 2, the power of this fic, holy shit. The author also wrote the hq time loop Every Tomorrows series, which I have an undying love for and am full on praying for the day it updates, so you KNOW this fic will be just as good. (Anybody who hasn't read this series, where the hell have you been?? Read it!!) Just, everything about this fic hurts me and something in my chest just aches when I read this fic. Go into it blind with an open heart and I swear to you, it's going to change your life. I'm already calling it. Seriously though, please please read!)

-

[Crossover]

Learning to Fly by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815)

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, Naruto

The number three hero is a walking (well, flying) contradiction in every sense of the word. This includes his teaching skills. Why had Tokoyami agreed to this internship again? Oh right. He’d thought he was actually going to learn something. …….remind him to never be so optimistic again. . . . OR, Kakashi Hatake is reincarnated as the pro hero, Hawks. Tokoyami Fumikage suffers as a result.

(The reincarnation fic I never thought I needed and it's so good!! I've never really paid attention to Tokoyami and this fic sent me headfirst into loving him. Their dynamic is so interesting and I just love how their relationship develops. Also, Kakashi trolling the poor kid made me cackle, it's great! Definitely recommend it!)

Si Vis Pacem by athenoot

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, John Wick

Everything has a price. That's what John has always known and will forever remember, even in death.

Which is pretty ironic considering his current circumstance.

Instead of a grown, scarred, weary body belonging to a man as cruel and broken as him, he's inhabiting a younger, smaller, unblemished one belonging to a child with strangely colored hair, and is living in what seems to be a superhuman society.

Well. May it never be said that John isn't a strategist. He can live with this. Maybe.

(Somewhere out there in the universe, he's certain he could hear the laughter of his enemies from beyond the grave.)

-

Or: John Wick is reincarnated as Midoriya Izuku. The world should probably watch its back.

(This should be one of the crackiest fics I've read in a while, but it's taken so seriously and I'm so HERE FOR THIS. John Wick being John Wick in a world of quirks and heroes is the GREATEST, honestly, he's so badass. Bakugou, I feel for you, you must be so fucking confused lol. Bakugou trying his best to be a good friend is one of the best things about this fic. Trust me, this fic will make your day, promise!)

A Girl's Mind is a Dangerous Place by clenastia

Fandoms: Naruto, Fairy Tail

Natsu wakes up in Sakura's body. It only gets worse from there. Also known as: In Which Natsu has No Idea what to do with Boobs.

(I binged this in two fucking days, I couldn't put it down. This fic reminded me why I liked fairy tail when I was younger and why Natsu is honestly such a great protagonist, god. And the fic does that thing, you know, the Thing where when two worlds collide, the characters struggle to acclimate and adapt to a completely another world with different rules and mindsets against their own. This fic is seriously one of the best when it comes to that aspect, it's incredible. I am going absolutely feral over here for this fic to update, I'm waiting in the wings, ready to pounce like a tiger, all the metaphors man. For the love of god, read this fic.)

Give me a landscape made of obstacles by Melise

Fandoms: Naruto, Natsume's Book of Friends

Kakashi Hatake isn’t who he says he is.

Because the truth is that he’s actually a youkai in disguise, a wolf spirit named Madara who stumbled across the Hatake clan during the Warring States Period. Intrigued by the shinobi he saw, he’d proposed a temporary alliance in which he would offer the clan protection in exchange for their teachings.

Decades later, Madara is surprised to find himself inadvertently summoned to Konoha by the last living member of the Hatake clan. Sakumo Hatake, who is mourning the recent deaths of his wife and stillborn child, doesn’t want to be alone anymore. So with his permission, Madara takes the place of Sakumo’s deceased son in order to watch over the last Hatake.

(Fusion in which the youkai of Natsume’s Book of Friends all exist in the Naruto world. No knowledge of Natsume’s Book of Friends required).

(Before this fic, I only had a very vague idea of what Natsume's Book of Friends was, and honestly, I still don't know much about it. But I didn't really need to know to get into this fic. I love the worldbuilding and the relationships Kakashi forms, both supernatural and mortal. I love how Kakashi's inhumane ways affect others around him, whether to stress them out or become used to the strange. You can go straight into this fic without knowing anything and absolutely still have a fantastic time. I definitely recommend this so please read!)

#Fanfiction #AO3 #Fic Rec #Fic Rec List #Naruto #Harry Potter #Boku no Hero Academia #Stranger Things #Knives Out #Haikyuu!! #Crossover #John Wick #Fairy Tail #Natsume's Book of Friends

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans! the drama list is here and, well. like i didn’t initially intend to go off in the mini-reviews beneath every rec but it’s just that you can't nOT yell about drarry as classic literary foils!! also it’s my dumb sideblog so i decided there are no rules and i get to be annoying about good writing.

but rly, the whole premise of the drarry pairing is shaped by this genre and if the ~serious world of serious published writers~ weren’t absolute cowards, they would admit that drama fic authors have contributed more to the genre than the average shit you can find at your local chain bookstore. so that's that on thAT. & if you love a fic here, don't forget to follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free xoxo ]

part 2: dramas

mood: for when I need emotional catharsis and maybe 7 hours to sob/brood about loneliness, the cost of love, & the perpetual fear of being truly known

includes: angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation fics. it’s cruelty o’clock folks and someone is about to say/do something Fucked Up that they can’t take back. but don’t worry!! there will be a Reckoning feat. hamlet-worthy monologues, ugly truths, unbridled rage, trauma, insecurity, and just a fuck ton of tears!! but maybe even tender apologies and mended things.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil​ - 36k - E | Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected. | --- can a fic be tender and unflinching at the same time? bc this story strikes that balance rly well and for a piece about unwantedness, it is incredibly humanizing. ginny holding her own, draco being gentle but not letting harry play victim, hermione calling harry “hazzah” and just the way this friendship insists on the validity of found families even when harry is spiraling?? and you’re forced to consider that no one has the monopoly on fucked-upness and that doesn’t absolve us of the ways we hurt each other but it means that everyone has the same potential to be better after being broken. goD JUST READ IT, OKAY.

Blood Magic, the series by @houseofhebrideanblacks and @thestralsofspinnersend 335k - E “Later that night. . .Draco wondered at the depths of magic, its breadth and scope. The ways in which life pervades and eludes death, the ways in which they endure all manners of small and large deaths within their lives.” -- if you don't read any other fic on this list, i hope you read this series bc holy shit it’s breathtaking. harry’s a recovering addict, draco’s recovering from abuse, and in a cottage within the forbidden forest begins an unlikely partnership as the boys take up the tedious work of healing. there are thestrals and everyone's in therapy. there are whole chapters of cottagecore drarry. it's a beautiful exploration of how we bare the immensity of loss against the miracles of birth and regrowth. 

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia - 18k - T “A ship in a full sail, a ship in a state of decay, a ship that had been rebuilt, slightly different. A repeating cycle. “What makes the ship the same?” asked Harry. “I don’t know. There must be something in it that lasts across the changes.” -- DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS QUOTE LIVES RENT FREE IN MY SAD, SAD BRAIN. DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOSE SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIP OF THESEUS. it’s a memory loss fic and everything is so unFAIR. you want to murder harry sometimes bc he’s such a shiT and you suffer through the ways he questions desire, penance, redemption, true love. and by the end, you want to believe in those golden slumber lyrics: “once, there was a way to get back home” 

Yours to Keep by @dracoismytrashson​ - 135k - E i love the university setting, i love getting to see harry and draco’s first forays into a real LGBTQ community, the class and race structures outside of the wizarding world. i love that this is the context in which they’re allowed to confront the shittiness of PTSD, anxiety, depression etc. as they come together and fall apart against each other’s traumas. it makes the ending feel earned af. “Baby, we’ve been easing into it for a decade.” -- my god this line

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered​ - 153k - T  this fic is devastating. like, completely forget whatever reticence you might have towards a de-aging fic and read this. the de-aging premise allows the author to cut through the ways harry and draco hold each other at a distance and you end up with these stunning moments of clarity where they’re truly seeing each other for the first time. and suddenly everything makes sense. i won't spoil it here but there’s a scene towards the end where harry is talking to hermione and ron about realizing the first time he felt what its like to be loved and I fucking SOBBED. an all-time fave fic about learning how to belong.

Had To Be You by @lettersbyelise​​ - 59k - E a genuinely excellent slow burn about absolute fucking morons who refuse to express their mutual love over the course of literal years?? HOW MANY TENDER MEET-CUTES DO 2 GAY IDIOTS EVEN NEED. a car ride a bookshop a street corner -- when harry met sally is my enemy. but you know what? this fic is masterfully written, it’s an epic tale of unexpected friendships and the inability to say the things we feel. also its very much also a soft boi fic if not for the Major Fuck Up that pushes it into drama territory for me. so worth the turmoil tbh.

Hurricane by phrynne - 120k - E auror partners terrified of love. it’s a fic about walls - where the emotional landscape of this fic is occluded by dishonest words so you feel the tension play out in hollow voices, shuttered looks, emptied eyes. it’s like watching two ppl get flayed alive in slow motion and everything is SHIT for a little. it’s mean, it’s ugly, it doesn’t let you give the characters an out when they’re being cruel - to each other and to themselves. but harry and draco are two violent forces hurling toward each other’s walls and the inevitable reckoning comes and it’s so very worth the ending. the hospital bed scene to rule all hospital bed scenes.

Returning Tides by @zigster-ao3​ - E  “Is my timing that flawed? Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives” --those fuCKing ian curtis lyrics in the summary!! p a i n. why do i put myself through getting-back-together fics knowing full well i’m gonna be Sad As Hell during the not-together portion of the story?? we are all unfortunately hoes for heartache. anyway this fic is beautiful. draco’s a dad and recently widowed, harry has a thestral reserve, the settings here are stunning. a story about grief and love that lingers.

A Piercing Comfort by @talithan - 44k - T “There is no objective scorecard. There isn’t anything that a person does that tips the balance from ‘deserving’ to ‘undeserving’, or vice versa. A ‘deserving’ person will not run out of worthiness after a set time of happiness and have to then go about working to deserve it again. And an ‘undeserving’ person does not have to suffer at length before having the opportunity to be ‘deserving’.” -- the heart of this fic. harry’s in therapy, facing depression, and learning how to accept love he doesn’t think he deserves. (also draco is harry’s therapist but yes, that power dynamic is handled ethically-well imo and addressed in the author notes I promise!!).

Borrowing Courage by @xx-thedarklord-xx​ - 70k - E |After years of being a Magical Artist and painting for other people, Draco decides it’s time to paint for himself for once. The secrets pile up as he tries to unravel the mystery of his relatives but the only thing he didn’t count on was having to go to Potter of all people for approval.| --god i love this fic. the thing about drarry here is that they never mean to hurt each other but they do. they do and draco’s trying to do the right thing and he wants so badly for good family but harry’s never rly stopped grieving sirius and it’s this whole unintended mess of festering wounds forced to heal. everyone needs a hug. also ron/blaise pairing and ron+draco’s friendship here is everything!!

Reparations and the sequel, Foundations by Saras_Girl - 320k - E | Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.| -- incredible. harry and draco’s dynamic as healers, the cast of original characters, the boys learning what it means to trust each other, draco building a rehabilitation center, harry falling in love with him, and “meus fabula est mei ut dico: my story is mine to tell.”  i cry

The Ties that Bind by phoenix_writing (not on ao3) - 61k - T | Upon Andromeda’s death, Harry and Draco are given custody of Teddy. Their lives will never be the same.| -- harry’s got major abandonment issues and he’s just trying to be a good co-parent with draco but everyone is being the woRST and you want to murder them on behalf of harry. but then, the boys learn to listen to each other and god it all becomes so tender. also harry has a gay panic. things are awful but it all works out. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry dramas #im so sorry if this got long but also #I have too many Thoughts #all I do is cry over two sad gays #its pain o'clock sweeties #time to Sob about the mortifying ordeal of being Known

[awritingtree]

Never Enough (3/7)

Sirius Black x daughter!reader

Summary: Arriving at the Department of Mysteries did not turn out as Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Luna, Neville and Y/N Black had predicted. With Death Eaters trying to steal a prophecy, what happens when the Order arrives and everything begins to spiral down?

Words: ~1.9k

Warnings: shitty father-daughter relationship, violence, torture, injury, 

A/N: Well this took a proper while to post. Watch the next part test your patience even more ;) but it’ll be worth it, I have great plans for it. Phrases I used a million times: you, dark, pain - I got tired of the words by the end of this fic. Every time I typed ‘orb’ I remembered @approved-by-dentists��. ORBS. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this xx

Series Masterlist

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“Very good, Potter. Now turn around and give that to me, nice and slowly.”

Black figures emerged out of the shadows. Eyes were the only things to be seen from under the hoods, wands pointed at you all blocking the way to escape from every direction.

“Uncle Lucius?” you asked at the time as Harry, “Where’s Sirius?”

Lucius Malfoy looked at you, failing to hide the surprise on his face. He was expecting the rest of Potter’s friends to be there along with him, but not you.

“Where’s Sirius?” Harry asked again, the panic rising within him. “You’ve got him. I know he’s here.”

“It’s time you learnt the difference between dreams and reality. You saw what the Dark Lord wanted you to see,” Lucius said, looking away from you to concentrate back on what he came here for.

You were pointing your own wand at the figure nearest to you. You didn’t know what you were expecting when you came here, but it certainly was not this. You were panicking. Your clammy hands were shaking; you couldn’t take on Death Eaters, none of you could. Cold sweat dripped down your forehead, matting your hair against it. You tightened your grip on your wand as it started to slip.

“Not yet-” you heard Harry mutter.

A voice cackled in the dark, “You hear him? Giving instructions to the other children as though he thinks of fighting us!”

“Oh, you don’t know Potter as I do Bellatrix,” said Malfoy softly, “He has great weakness for heroics; the Dark Lord understands this.”

You felt Neville tense up next to you as Bellatrix Lestrange walked into the light, a malicious grin on her face. Her black, curly hair was wild and unkept - making her look deranged.

“You’ve got him, I know he’s here,” said Harry adamantly.

“Give me the prophecy, or we start using wands,” ordered Malfoy causing you to take a huge gulp.

“Go on then,” challenged Harry, raising his wand up to chest level; Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna doing the same.

“Do anything to us and I’ll break it.”

“He knows how to play! Itty, Bitty, Baby. Potter,” said Bellatrix, her cold, empty eyes staring through the slits in her hood.

“Hand over the prophecy and no one need get hurt,” said Lucius coolly.

You noticed the Death Eaters were slowly closing in, moving so slowly and quietly, behaving like shadows in the dark. It wasn’t noticeable unless one was really paying attention, which you were. You were wrenched out of the focus on one of the Death Eaters in front of you as Bellatrix Lestrange shouted, “YOU FILTHY HALF BLOOD!”

“Why did he want to steal a prophecy about me?”

You didn’t hear them reply for Neville nudged you on your side, “Smash shelves on mark,” he whispered discreetly.

“So he’s got you doing his dirty for him, has he?” continued Harry, “He tried to get Strurgis to steal it - and Bode?”

“Very good, Potter,” Malfoy said slowly, “But the Dark Lord knows-”

“NOW!” yelled Harry.

Seven voices chorused “REDUCTO!” The curse flew in seven directions, hitting the glass spheres on the towering shelves. Voices echoed through the vast room amidst the glass shattering and wood splinting onto the floor.

“RUN!” you heard Harry bellow before you took off with Ron, Ginny and Luna.

You covered your head protecting it from the falling orbs and spells flying by. Death Eaters were chasing after you, throwing spells and all they had into capturing any one of you.

“Petrificus Totalus!” you shouted, throwing a spell behind you without looking. It had successfully hit someone judging by the thud that followed.

“There! Through that door!” Ron yelled over the noise, pointing to a door right ahead of you.

You all picked up your pace. Luna ran through the door first followed by Ginny. You’d almost made it, ducking spells being thrown left and right, when you felt a spell collide with your back throwing you face first against the floor.

“Y/N!” you heard before blacking out.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

The first thing you felt was pain. Pain, pain, and more pain. Your head was throbbing, feeling like it was going to split open from the pain’s intensity. You slowly opened your eyes, having to blink a few times before they could focus on your surroundings. You groaned, sitting up, reaching a hand to the back of your head, hoping some pressure would relieve the stabbing ache. You glanced around and recognized the Brain Room you all had previously found when you’d been looking for the Glass Orb Room. You could see Ginny laying a bit away from you, knocked out. You could see Luna a distance away near a desk and what seemed to be Hermione, both unconscious as well. Ron was giggling like a barmy man, fighting what looked like a brain? You steadily stood up and took a step forward wobbling slightly. The pain in your head increased at the motion of walking, but you ignored it; Harry was nowhere to be seen and you’d just glimpsed Neville running through a doorway. You picked up your wand from the ground and made your way towards the shouts coming from the other room, trying to prepare yourself for what was waiting once you passed the threshold.

You saw one of the Death Eaters roughly grab Neville as you entered the room. There were several Death Eaters, you observed. Harry was standing on the dais, upon which was the stone archway, still holding the glass orb with Voldemort’s and his name on it. You stealthily started to make your way down the steps, hoping no one would look your way or hear you which sounded to be possible because of their obnoxious laughs and taunts.

“No, no, no,” said Bellatrix excitedly looking at Neville, “Let’s see how Longbottom lasts before he cracks like his parents… unless Potter wants to give us the prophecy.”

Your eyes widened at her suggestion, knowing exactly what she meant. You rushed down the stairs, the sound of your feet stomping against the stone stairs masked over by Neville roaring, “DON’D GIB ID DO DEM. DON’D GIB ID DO DEM, HARRY!”

Bellatrix approached Neville, raising her wand as you had reached the foot of the staircase continuing to run towards him. You jumped in the way at the precise moment.

“Crucio!”

All you felt was pain. Agonizing pain. The pain from your head before was nothing compared to what you were feeling now. Your body felt on fire from the inside-out. It felt as if you were being stabbed by scorching knives at every inch of your body. An ear-splitting scream left your throat. It hurt, it hurt so bad. You wanted it to end. You wanted it all to end; it was too much to endure. Your body twitched and thrashed around, bruising your already injured body further. You could hear Neville and Harry shouting for Bellatrix to stop as she laughed pleasurably. The pain seemed to last a lifetime before the spell was lifted off. You laid there on the cold stone floor, breathing heavily as you let out small whimpers. The pain and soreness still there as an aftermath of what had just occurred.

“That was just a taster my dear niece,” you made out Bellatrix speaking as you laid there, tears streaming down your face. “Now, Potter, either give us the prophecy, or watch both your little friends die the hard way!”

Suddenly, figures started to appear. ‘More Death Eaters,’ you thought frightened, willing yourself to move and stand up - get yourself and Neville away from the coming danger. You pushed through the pain, forcing yourself up. Your body was shaking underneath its own weight. A hand quickly wound itself around your waist, helping you stay upright. You looked to the side to see Neville.

“Are you okay?” Harry yelled over the chaos. You finally looked around surprised but relieved; the familiar faces of Dora, Moody, Kingsley, Remus and your father helping ease the pain a bit - help was here.

“Yes,” said Neville.

“And Ron?”

“I dink he’s all righd- he was still fighting de brain when I lefd-”

The floor between them exploded. You were thrown to one side of the room and thankfully this time, you didn’t injure yourself. You leaned against the tier and pushed yourself up. Somehow, miraculously, you still had your wand with you. You saw Dora duelling with Bellatrix, your father duelling a Death Eater as Kingsley fought off two. You limped your way to help Kingsley; you wouldn’t be able to do much against a skilled dueller, but little help was better than none. Just as you were about to reach Kingsley, you saw a jet of green light fly past in the corner of your eyes and Dora falling down from the stone stairs. Bellatrix had triumphantly moved on to duelling with another Order member as you stood frozen to the spot, coming to think the worst. You wanted to go check on her; anything other than stand there as your mind came up with the worst-case scenarios but it was as if you were paralyzed - unable to move or comprehend anything other than Dora’s limp body in the line of your vision.

The sound of Lupin shouting snapped you back to reality, “Harry, round up the others and go! Take Y/N with you!”

You spun around towards Harry’s direction who was already staring in your direction. He nudged his head towards the door you had entered from, indicating to get a move on. You nodded weakly, stumbling over your feet as you started to walk towards him and away from Dora’s body. All you could do was hope she was alright; knowing you had to get out of here or she would kill you when she found you’d acted stupidly and stayed in the middle of this chaos only to check up on her. It was extremely difficult for you not to run to her, she was your sister - but you knew you couldn't, not if you wanted to make it out alive of this situation to give her a piece of your mind yourself.

You were by the dais now upon which your father continued to duel Bellatrix. He was standing close to the stone archway, gradually inching towards it without noticing. He was laughing at Bellatrix, ducking her spells. You didn’t know when you had changed your course but suddenly realized you were standing only a mere few feet away from their duel.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” his voice echoed through the room.

You didn’t know when you had broken out into a sprint - where the rush of energy had come from, only Salazar knows. You didn’t know when you reached your father and pushed him. You didn’t see Dumbledore arriving, furious and ready to take some Death Eaters down. Nor did you see Remus and Harry running in your direction, terrified. You didn’t hear Bellatrix cry out in anger or your own yell, “DAD!”.

The only thing you did realize was the spell heading towards your father, one that could’ve been fatal.

The only thing you did hear was the yells of your father, godfather, and godbrother before everything went dark.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

General taglist: @heloisedaphnebrightmore @pregnant-piggy @approved-by-dentists @kashishwrites @remmyswritings @angelinathebook @idont-knowrn @coffee--writes @kinkyduuh @ickle-ronniekins @the-mighty-bookworm

Never Enough taglist: @evilluciferisevil @slyther-inn @bloodyxheaven @gcdric @mycobrakai1972 @loony-loopy-lupinn @mads-bri @tessaem @hannah220506 @hariosborn @kpopgirlbtssvt @xapham

Lmk if you want to be added to either taglist :)

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black imagines #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius x y/n #sirius #sirius black fic #sirius black fanfiction #black family #harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter fic #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter marauders #marauders #marauders fic #golden trio era #hp #hp imagine #hp fic #hp fanfic #harry potter imagines #hp imagines #bellatrix lestrange #lord voldemort #lucius malfoy #nymphadora tonks #remus lupin #mad eye moody

[pineapple-lover-boy]

Had this in my drafts for a while since I’ve made similar posts but I decided I might as well send it out, clearly I’m very passionate about this lol:

Looking in the Harry Potter tag and there is a lot of stuff saying bad things about Draco and Pansy apologists and how their only arguments are headcanons.

Ok, I guess I can respect your opinion but I’m gonna argue a bit here.

For Pansy? Sadly, yes. Unfortunately, J.K. made all her bully characters after people she knew which stop her from making them into well thought out characters. Pansy has now been taken over the fandom which I consider a good thing because at least she’s not a pancake now.

For Draco? Here’s where the whole head canon thing falls apart.

Also I don’t like the people that only like Draco for his looks. Or that they only like Draco because he’s misunderstood. I know this might seem odd considering what my argument will be about but you’ll see what I mean.

So Draco. We need to get into backstory. Of course we know that he was raised in a rich household and going by how every character like him is- he was most likely spoiled and doted on by his parents (because bullies can’t come from poor households and have a shitty life a la Dudley, Pansy, maybe Blaise, honestly he was just a cool dude who hated everyone).

Because he was spoiled he concluded that he was always in the right, he deserved to be the best, and he could do no wrong. We also know that Lucius and Narcissa were hoping that Harry would be the next dark lord, therefore we know that Draco was taught so.

He gets rejected for being a jerk by his idol and supposed new friend? He becomes a jerk to them. For a few years. He’s a shithead. Don’t agree with me? Then you clearly don’t care about whether someone is in the right or wrong- it’ll be about the looks and only for the looks, won’t it?

Anyways, we know he does some bad stuff. He terrorizes the main trio, bullies children either younger than him or from different houses, calls people slurs. Grade A asshole.

Then something changes.

Voldemort comes back and suddenly his family isn’t all elite like they used to be. They are some of the Death Eaters (mainly because of Lucius as he was the only DE at the time) that are ridiculed and shamed for not admitting their allegiance to the dark lord once he fell and they find themselves having to cater the “man” himself.

Draco starts seeing people get tortured and die, right in front of him. Obviously, this doesn’t happen immediately as he has no worries in The Order Of The Phoenix. It’s really in The Half-Blood Prince when things start to change.

He’s 16 when he sees the horrors from working under a “man” so cruel. It only gets worse once Lucius and the other DE’s fail their mission to retrieve the prophecy. Lucky for Lucius, he was in Azkaban. And yes, I said lucky. While yes, he gets all his happiness sucked out, his child is having to witness death, torture, he has to be alert at all times, he’s practically walking on eggshells, and he has to see everyone he’s ever known at school get tortured.

This is obviously when he starts to change. Especially during Easter (I believe) when Harry, Ron, and Hermione are brought to him. Everyone recognizes the latter but they look to Draco for Harry who is almost unrecognizable.

It’s hard to assume that a boy who has known Harry since 11, has constantly been in his face and ridiculed him, and knows his friends who he’s always with would say that he doesn’t recognize him or isn’t sure.

And if J.K. chalks it up to the spell then she’s clearly trying to just make Draco look bad so Snape can have all the redemption points.

I know we don’t like to mention this and it isn’t canon but take the Cursed Child. The writers were making fan fiction for the sake of it but they did Draco so good. He was actually redeemed.

They made him sorry for what he did. They had him teach his son opposite of what almost got him killed as a child. He worked along side Harry for his son, yes, but he wasn’t the Draco we knew from a majority of the books. He grew up. Unfortunately, he had to do it to save himself and his family but he grew up.

Draco is an asswipe. He’s a bully. If he hadn’t gone through so much emotional torture than this wouldn’t exist because he’s that much of a fucknut.

Now say it with me:

Draco Malfoy shouldn’t be summarized as a hot, misunderstood, sad boy nor should he be characterized as an unredeemable twat. He’s human and if anyone believes either of those misconceptions than you clearly don’t know a morally grey character from a Wattpad BTS/Harry Styles/Werewolf mafia leader love interest.

#harry potter series #harry potter #draco malfoy #morally gray characters #character analysis #second wizarding war #post second wizarding war #voldemort #narcissa malfoy #lucius malfoy #cursed child

[crystaltubbo]

no one asked but it’s still no nuance november so here’s my harry potter hot takes this time

molly weasly should have been a hufflepuff

percy weasly should have been a slytherin

we deserved more of dean

i don’t trust people who ship snape with anyone

especially literal children

seriously, stop that

i don’t trust people who ship tom riddle and harry

people will ship hermione with literally anyone and it’s disgusting

the harry potter fandom has the most amount of disgusting, illegal ships compared to most fandoms

people need to stop saying ‘oh, *insert person here* wrote harry potter’ because we need to hold jkr accountable for all the shitty things she’s written in her books

the cursed child is just a really bad, glorified fan fiction where all the og people are so ooc

we were robbed of deamus

jkr should leave the mauraders alone, she’s given us enough info on them and any more out of her shitty mouth will just ruin them

like, she’ll make sirius straight, is that really what you want???

mixed race harry is the best hc in the fandom

fluer de la cour (is that her name??? i can’t spell) deserves so much better in the fandom and in canon

cho, fluer, and lavender all deserve so much better in the fandom and in canon

all chos reactions in ootp were justified, her boyfriend just fucking died not even a year before

lavenders reactions towards ron were completely normal, she was a young girl in love

all the other female characters in hp were dumbed down so hermione and ginny looked stronger

i love them, but hermione and ginny were really misogynistic towards cho and fluer

all of harry’s anger in ootp was completely justified

if harry was a girl who looked like lily, snape would’ve been very creepy

snape was a terrible person who deserved no redemption arc, but was a very well written character

james potter hate is dumb

the movies made it look like james was bullying snape for no reason, when it was actually because snapes a wizard racist

people forgetting that peter was really close with the rest of the mauraders and was a good friend to them completely downplays the betrayal

ron weasly was amazing and harry’s best friend and people need to stop forgetting that

like, he basically died for harry in the first book

and was willing to fight sirius with a broken leg if he went near him

ron and hermione balance each other out very well

the line between people who ship hermione and harry and genuinely like it, and the people who ship it because they think boys and girls can’t just be friends is very close

boys not being allowed to go into the girls dorms but girls having free will to go into the boys dorms is dangerous and disgusting

i think that’s all of them? there might be more but that’s all you’re getting now, feel free to argue with me :)

#harry potter #hp #harry potter hot takes #hot takes #no nuance november #i have many thoughts #here are my thoughts #jkr #i hate jkr though #don’t worry #i do hate terfs #if you like her #get off my page :)