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Lonely Pisces + Bandung City, MAY 2022
#nowplaying Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - Ryuichi Sakamoto
I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH THIS CITY ALL OVER AGAIN.
Back in 2019, my greatest love left me and I was heartbroken. In 2020 I was forced to come back home to Jakarta & around the end of the year a tragedy happened to me in Bandung. I was crumbling, I didn’t even know what ran over me, I didn’t particularly hate the city, but the love was fading and I was feeling numb. I was forbidden to come back to my city, Bandung. And everytime I came, the emotions were unprocessed because being numb was the only way to go to. I didn’t wanna let myself let the pain run all over me and wash away the profound love I have for this city. In a nutshell, I was putting all my feelings on hold.
In 2022. My lifelong bestfriend got married and moved into Bandung. April 23, 2022. I finally found the answer I’ve been looking for all these years. Now everything makes sense. The things and people I loved that I’ve lost. The pain. The suffering. Why my life changed completely. The reason why I’ve lost myself. All the things that fell apart. The dreams and aspirations that burned into ashes. And in that moment, I was filled with so much happiness. I finally found my way back into this city. I finally found the answer in this city. And I’m falling in love with this city all over again, harder than ever. I finally figured out how to finish this phase of life I’ve been in for the past 3 years. And the answer lies beneath this city. I have to settle things in Bandung.
Capdangu, Tubagus Ismail. TUESDAY, MAY 17, 2022.
I’m writing this to remind myself to settle all of this once and for all. The journey continues! Congratulations for finally functioning again. The days when you’ll wake up feeling suffocated and the sleepless nights are gone. You don’t ever have to run away again from this life. The dreams are waiting. You’re always on a journey that takes you there, as long as you work hard for it with honesty. Don’t ever forget to be kind! The kindness comes around. Also, don’t forget that the love you make is equal to the love you make. So no love is wasted! You’re one step closer to finding the real PURPOSE. Until then, stay courageous. You’ve got everything you need within you to get there.
My dearest Xavia, oh the places you’ll go!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.
It's opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on y our way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!
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