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kazimirovich · 7 months

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all i can say forever

i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))

(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.

in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed

because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.

and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.

if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.

not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.

#israel #palestine

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relentlessly-tired · 10 days

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Reasons for me to get skinny/rewards/plans+anti binge.

To motivate/trigger myself :)

REASONS:

To look good in all clothes

Abs

Skinny legs

Smaller boobs

Pretty face

For my (gymbro) boyfriend

To be carried easily

Bikini's in summer

Confidence

To look better than the other girls

To be happy

To be more comfortable running/working out in public

To be seen as "small" and "petite"

To be as skinny as my sister

GOALS/REWARDS:

55kg: Hair and skincare stuff

52kg: bikini

50kg: septum peircing

48kg: new clothes

PLAN:

Workout:

Do some form of intense enough cardio everyday e.g. running, cycling, stairmaster.

Keep steps up AS WELL as cardio, minimum 10k, but aim for 15k

Bodyweight workout every-push ups, planks, pull up progressions

Weight training in the gym 2-3 times weekly

NEVER eat school lunch

Avoid eating out

MEAL PREP!! (Chickpea salads, chicken breast, soup, porridge, cut up carrots, etc.)

DRINK A SHIT TON OF WATER (when I wake up, before eating, during eating, after)

Big cup of tea every after school and then after dinner.

Utilise coffee, gum, mints

No fizzy drinks

Diet:

NEVER finish dinner

NEVER eat anything after dinner

NO SWEETS OR JUNK FOOD UNLESS PLANNED IN ADVANCE (only junk acceptable is a) pastries from bakery or b) chocolate on occasion.

AVOID bread, pasta, noodles etc.

Eat breakfast and eat throughout the day TINY small portions.

OMAD on occasion

DO NOT BINGE AT ALL EVER

FOODS TO PRIORITIZE:

yogurt- especially the protein kind. Good if craving something sweet.

fruit- avoid bananas (binge food)

Vegetables- carrots as snacks, incorporate other veg throughout day e.g. salads

eggs- specifically boiled

lean meats

MEAL IDEAS:

Breakfast:

Protein yogurt (may add sprinkle of cereal and fruit if extra hungry)

Boiled eggs

Carrots and hummus

Fruit

Little bowl of cereal

Fruit smoothie

Porridge

Lunch:

Chickpea salad

Boiled eggs

Carrots and hummus

Protein yogurt

Fruit

Smoothie

Boiled veg and chicken

Snacks:

Carrots

Yogurt

Fruit- apples, oranges, berries specifically

Ham slices

Chicken slices

Mini mini bowl of cereal

DO NOT BINGE:

Think about everything. Think about how unhappy you are with your life. Think about how long you've been doing the same old shut for? Don't you want it to be over? Don't you want to finally get what you want and be happy? Don't you want to finally be able to move on? Think about how long ago you could've gotten there if you hadn't binged all those times?

Think about where you could be so soon if you just stick to it, for a short while. Food is always there. Food is around you all the time in abundance. You ALWAYS have the choice to eat. So CHOOSE not to.

Don't make excuses. NEVER make excuses. There are no reasons that you binge other than the fact you want to. You are in control. You are always in control. Every time you binge, that is your choice. Your doing. Every time you reach for that bread, you could just as easily remove yourself from the situation. Walk away.

Hunger is only temporary. You will always get to eat again. Remember your reasons. Think about your future. Think about your rewards. Not binging will always be worth it.

You have the ability to be skinny and lose the weight so do it! I know you can!!

Hw: 68kg

Sw April 2024: 60kg

Cw may 2024: 57kg

#ed dairy #ed rant #tw 3d vent #an@rexi@#ed relapse #i wanna lose weight #light as a feather #pro for me not for thee #i wanna be tiny #⭐️ve

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mowu-moment · 2 months

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ranking food tokens by how much personally i want to eat them

- Throne of Eldraine -

i have reason to distrust this meat pie thing, not only because of its wails of anguish but it also seems to have burst a bit in the oven. still not honestly opposed, at least the dishes are clean. 5/10.

how does one unpeel a curly banana? why are there sliced-open fruits on what appears to be a stone in the woods? where is the light coming from? i'm going to be taken by the fae and it's not even gonna taste too good while i'm at it, these things look dirty. but idk i don't mind someone else taking the wheel of my life rn. 2/10.

again, concerns about the floor food, but at least it looks more like some deliverygirl got eaten by a wolf and dropped her basket than a trap. someone already took a bite, though, maybe i should leave it be. 4/10

i have been invited to the Goblin King's Feast and while i don't fully agree with his choices i will certainly partake. boar looks wonderful apart from the hair. 7/10

- Commander 2020 / Strixhaven Commander -

i'm pretty sure cattails are poisonous to humans (not to mention the actual poisons in there) so i unfortunately can't oblige gyome's swamp soup. that crusty bread looks pretty nice though. i'll pick this thing apart like high school cafeteria lunch. 3/10.

- Modern Horizons 2 -

i at least know who cooked this one, and i trust asmor a decent bit, but this is still food for demons, so maybe it's not too good for me. goddamn do i wanna know what it tastes like though. 4/10.

- Unfinity -

i'm considering these two together. as a filthy american, i am allured by these fat-filled foods, but as a lad with a tiny stomach, i doubt i could eat enough to feel good about not wasting it. astrotorium's about excess, goddamn. the only funfair burger i've had was the best thing i had eaten in months, but it also made me ill the rest of the day. i really do want some infinity fries though, those look like the golden mean between a steak fry and a curly fry. 6/10.

- March of the Machine Commander -

meanwhile this looks like a texture nightmare. like i respect it, i imagine it's filling and fulfilling, but i don't think i ever could eat more than a bite or two. bread looks a little worse than gyome's but only a little. 5/10.

- Lord of the Rings: Tales of Middle-Earth -

my white ass loves a charcuterie board. and i'm not going to be intimidated out of it by not eating enough, since it's all in snack-sized bits already. definitely gonna overindulge this sucker. i'm nervous about some of those spreads though. 9/10.

this looks like i'm in a dream, is it actively cooking? or still hot? i can't identify what's in that pan anyway. i'm leaving it alone out of respect. wouldn't mind a drink though. 2/10.

this is not food. for humans. 0/10.

- Wilds of Eldraine -

this is a king's feast i am properly intimidated by. i'm more into it than the Goblin King's, particularly that triple-layer blueberry pie or whatever that is, but i'm going to have to be as polite as possible lest i get a face full of flaming beer. 8/10

i'll probably be eaten before this can eat me, and it barely looks like food, but at least i go down with sugar in the mouth. 1/10.

ogh. that egg looks divine. the bread looks amazing, there's a full glass, i've got like beans or mermaid tears everywhere. we've even got seasonings back there. the best damn breakfast i'll ever have. 10/10.

i would still probably eat this over nothing. there's onion, at least. i will either be hexed or violently ill, but like i could at least get it down. and maybe the witchmother is testing my strength and she'll reward me after slurping an eyeball. a convenient lie to tell myself. 2/10.

- Doctor Who Commander -

y'know, four, i think i would like a copyrighted candy. they look sad and british, which is on point. but like it's not actively killing me like half of these. i think anyway. i don't know doctor who. 6/10.

what is this? i have no idea. custard? raw batter? giant dunkaroo? is he dipping fishsticks? it doesn't look like it's done cooking, like do we need to put it in a fryer again? i'd say it's inedible but it's not poison stew so i have to be nice. 4/10.

get AWAY from me. this is a PERSONAL vendetta. i would rather try to eat spiderwebs. plus he's already eaten half of it. -10/10.

- Fallout Commander -

i can't be too mean since this is literally apocalypse food. i think i prefer this over poison stew? like i recognize it at least, even if it's foul and moldy. man has to eat something. 3/10

i'm not convinced there's actual soda in here. is this just a perspective shot or is this a giant prop soda? i don't like cola anyway. again, worth it in an apocalypse i suppose. 4/10

this soda i trust even less. it glows? does this give me magic powers in the fallout world or does it just kill me slowly? i think it'll kill me slowly anyway. i need fluid to survive in apocalypseland but damn i hate for it to come to this. 2/10.

#mtg #i haven't had breakfast yet today so this is driving me a little looney

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felixfeliccis · 5 months

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Sire, I must burden ye with terrible news. You see, last fortnight, a band of goblins raided my village and took all of our bread. You sire are our only hope to survive the winter.

[Accept quest] [deny quest]

Rewards: 120 gold 250 xp

Tip: goblins are weak to fire.

Oh my how unf'rtunate! W'rry not mine lief maiden, myself and my V'RY HUMAN army shall catcheh those thieves f'r the base price of thy whole supplyeth of bread :)

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dhampling · 3 months

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moon river

“Remember when you asked me why?” “Why you cared?” He recalls with a joking menace on the last word, leaning back on his palm and bringing his chalice to his lips. “Yeah.” - probably the most personal thing i will ever post on the internet disguised as a reader insert. enjoy! w/c: 813

A considered silence, the earliest hours of the morning. The occasional break, the glug of wine into a silver chalice. Two. The city below still alive in a quiet amber hum.

The Lower City wall. One of the clandestine turrets just along from the Szarr Palace, blankets around shoulders.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

He turns his head in a dozy cant. Lids heavy. Looks at you through a slow blink, dark lashes.

If this were only weeks ago he’d have been skittish at the suggestion. ‘The guard’ would have gone up, the desperate need to keep you close.

How he luxuriates in your company now. Unwavering. Devoted. Proven. Known. Revered.

The Absolute nothing but a brain in the water.

“Anything.” Astarion smiles lazily.

“Remember when you asked me why?”

“Why you cared?” He recalls with a joking menace on the last word, leaning back on his palm and bringing his chalice to his lips.

“Yeah.”

He hums in acknowledgement, edging you on at your own pace. A calm quirk plays at the very corner of his lips.

“I saw some of myself in you.”

You let the statement hang for a moment. He swills the red nectar around his teeth and swallows slowly.

“You did, did you?”

“Yeah.’

You lift your own chalice. The stars above never looked brighter than they do now, the clearest of cool nights; the lax billow of sails far along the Chionthar, the couple you see stumbling blindly from a middle-distant tavern. The final call from within.

‘A lot of my life has been spent making people feel exceptionally wanted. Stealing their hearts to whatever extent that’d allow me to get the reaction I wanted. A mechanical ploy - never cruel, not forced as such - but learned nonetheless. Reading faces, bodies; holding both with reverence.’

You sip. The water sparkles.

‘Giving to whoever promised adoration. Making the occasional someone feel loved enough to keep me safe in their head. A campfire tale.’

There’s a mirth to your smile, teeth glazed in wine and white bread.

‘From the moment I met you I knew there was a vulnerability to you. I loved it.’

Astarion pokes you with his elbow, clicking his tongue but remaining quiet.

‘You’re beautiful. Those who are so damn godsly-blessed as you rarely have the insecurity I could smell from you, from the knife at my neck. From the fear in the furrow of your brow.’

You know he aches for the sun.

But as the moon catches his profile you see he is the ultimate divine here, now, in this light; at your side. Gossamer to the tips of his curls. Soft, heavy; tongue whetting his lips, mapping constellations in his glorious mind and listening.

Listening to you.

Without witness. Without reward.

‘And it seems we were both playing the same game. The worst bit is I didn’t even know I was playing one.”

There’s a beat of silence before he opens his mouth to talk.

“In the moment you never do, do you?’

He understands. Gods, he understands. He takes the threads of your lives and weaves them together, just as you’ve done this whole time.

‘You just do what you have to. What feels right. Whatever is going to give you the response you need.”

He was being forced to do what he had to. You did it because you had to.

It’d be so easy for him to play points in the viciousness of his situation, but he sees that there is familiarity - a gap, as wise as an ocean and simultaneously as small as a grain of sand - in the sentiment.

You wonder where the point scoring mindset comes from. Why each experience has to be weighty and balanced against another. Why you compare yours to his in any coherent sense.

Then you see the smile.

Ruinous. Saccharine. Eyes of red honey. A hand covering yours.

“Listen, because I won’t repeat it.’

You look at him and you see every dream you’ve ever had. The golden mornings, piles of riches, robes of silk. A house in the clearing. Chickens. Children. A lover so infallible they won’t scare. Your charm, your wit and irreverence; a life of a charm offensive, and all of it evaporates the minute he takes your fingertips in tiny kisses.

‘It worked. You won. You never have to fight like that again. To convince, to perceive the thoughts of others and how they may benefit you or otherwise.’

He rolls his hand in the air, starbound; sweet.

‘I love you. Irrevocably. You did it. My darling, you won.’

His head shakes a little from side to side as he sips.

‘Admittedly not a flawless prize, but one you’ve won fair and square. Devoted entirely to you.’

Astarion pauses to think. Looks to the moon on the river.

‘Rest east, lover. You’ve got this, and I’ve got you. From here on out.”

#astarion #astarion x reader #bg3 #my writing #fluff #slight angst #astarion ancunin #baldurs gate astarion #astarion baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3

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pendarling · 11 months

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In The Rain

Thx for 1k+! This is a lot longer than anything I've ever written. This piece is specifically dedicated to June's Men's Mental Health Awareness Month

It had been a long day after work.

Hero didn't like that just being a hero didn't fulfill the requirements for getting paid enough to do their bills. It was annoying, yes, but after a hard day at work and finally finishing their taxes, Hero decided to reward themselves with something to eat.

Although it was raining outside, the curry stand in the neighbourhood was one of the best. They've been craving it all week.

Hero sat at the end of the table on a stool. A small shabby canopy spread above them, hiding them from the pelting bolts of the rain.

"Thank you." Hero took the plate of rice and lamb curry, their favourite. The teen behind the stand smiled at them and left to continue working on their homework at the back.

With cold hands, Hero picked up the spoon and immediately savoured the taste of the curry. It was an intoxicating flavour they couldn't get out of their head.

Within minutes they found themselves enjoying their time.

"Alone, Hero?" A cool whisper came from behind them. Hero froze in their spot, recognizing the voice instantly.

"Villain…" they whispered back.

Villain sat on the stool next to them, eyeing their face and enjoying their reaction.

"I'm impressed you know who I am. I thought I'd have to identify myself to you." They gave a crooked smirk; their clothes were covered in drops of water.

They weren't sure how the other found them. Though they always knew they were strategic when they made their moves. It shouldn't have surprised them the way it did when Hero locked eyes with their worse nemesis in the most unexpected of places. Yet, it did.

Villain tapped their knuckles onto the table. "Hey, let me have whatever they're having." Villain gestured in their direction. An older gentleman behind the counter glanced over and gave a curt nod.

Hero swallowed timidly. They weren't sure what Villain planned to do with them. Honestly, it should be evident that they were at risk as soon as they decided to become a hero. Hero regretted not bringing a weapon. It seemed after weeks of hard labour, they didn't consider themselves more than their weighing bills.

They hesitantly looked at Villain.

And they stared back.

Their eyes shot down to their plate. Their appetite slowly disappeared for fear of getting attacked.

"So, where have you been, Hero?" They heard the stool beside them creak and sensed them lean in.

Hero considered playing dumb and pretend they had mistaken them for someone else, but quickly shut that idea down when they realized they already said Villain's name earlier.

"Look, I don't want to fight here." They shakingly whispered, "If you want to take this somewhere else, that's fine. Just not here."

Villain chuckled, the sound of thunder seemingly echoing the laughter. For some reason, at that moment, Hero felt more fear for Villain than any storm.

Large waves of hot smoke seeped out from the food stand. It clashed with the frigid air, and usually, it was a lovely atmosphere, but today they feared associating a time like this with their encounter with Villain.

A plate set in front of Villain, they averted their attention to the server. "Oh, and uh… I'll take their bill too." Villain gave Hero a quick pat on the shoulder and slid the server a bill.

"I don't owe you anything." Hero spoke.

They shrugged, unconcerned, "I didn't do that because I want a favour. I only did that to show you I mean no harm, really."

Hero doubted it. Villain picked up the spoon and dipped it into the curry hesitantly. "What is this stuff anyway?" They smelled it lightly. Hero felt amused at their findings, and the look of confusion from Villain had reminded them that even their worse enemy was still a human in some aspects.

Hero pushed their rice to one side. Villain curiously peeked over at them as they began scooping the rice and curry into a piece of naan bread. Hero picked it up with their hand and ate it calmly, still trying to devise a plan to evade Villain.

"What are you doing?" Villain asked.

Hero let the taste simmer in their mouth for a moment before replying. "Eating. What do you want me to do?"

"With your hands?"

"You don't have to use your hands."

Villain looked down at their plate and lifted the flatbread. They tore a piece from the corner and bit into it.

Hero signalled their eyes down at the curry and back up again. Villain picked up their spoon and ate the curry. They took a few seconds to evaluate what they were eating.

"Well?" Hero waited.

"It's not bad."

They sat together, eating until the rain lightened up. By the time they were finished, Hero could still smell the spices on their fingers no matter how often they wiped it off.

Villain turned to them. "Alright, let's go" They stood up, and Hero saw them pat at their pocket. It was likely some weapon they kept on themselves. They didn't take Villain as someone who'd hurt them, but the eerie deliverance of their words was unsettling enough to get them to follow Villain.

They strolled toward a dark, sleet car parked beside the busy road up ahead. The clouds were just about dispersing, and as far as Hero could tell, it was late into the evening.

Villain opened the passenger side door, an arm blocking them from behind. Probably to prevent them from running away, although they didn't have the energy to do all that after eating so much. They tilted their head, and Hero took that as a command to get inside.

From the passenger side compartment, Villain removed a pair of handcuffs.

"Are you serious?" Hero wondered what they had gotten themselves into.

"Sorry," they opened the cuffs, "hold out your hand for me."

They scoffed but did so accordingly. They lifted their right hand. The cuffs locked their wrist loosely with a small click, and the other side clipped onto the side of the chair. "This is ridiculous."

Villain shut the door and walked to the other side. They slammed their side shut and turned the engine on. "No seatbelt?"

They looked over at them. Hero shook their wrist with the cuff.

"Right." They sheepishly laughed and moved across them to fix their belt. Hero sunk in deeper into their seat to avoid contact. Their face lit up brightly at the proximity.

Cinnamon.

Villain smelled of cinnamon. Despite sitting at a curry shop for an hour and a half with them, despite the overwhelming spices and despite the sweet rain surrounding them, Villain smelt like cinnamon. Hero's hands stilled when they felt them slightly brush against their own.

"Is that alright?"

"Uh…"

Hero struggled for words. They had never noticed Villain looked so different without their mask. After all, they'd never been this close. Hero never felt the need to get personal with Villain. Their features threw them off, and for a second, they felt embarrassed for acting as they did at the stand. They instantly regretted all their snappy comebacks and swallowed.

Why were they still so close? Didn't they know they didn't want them to hear how hard their heart was pounding? Had Villain always looked this good, or were they just confused?

They nodded frantically.

…

It might've been the time or the food, but whatever it was made them sleepy. It had to be late into the night, but Villain kept driving, on and on and on… Through endless stretches of road.

"Where are you taking me?" They finally said.

"You'll see when we get there."

That wasn't much of an answer. They sighed deeply and stared at the dark sky with beads of colourful lights around the city and car headlights.

"Anyway," Villain tapped on the steering wheel, "where have you been? Haven't seen you out fighting crime, never mind the newspaper."

Was this what it was about?

"It's nothing."

"Yeah, right, like you can get me to believe it's nothing."

Hero looked down at their knees. They didn't know. They didn't have an answer.

Yes, they've been working, but they lost the thrill of being a hero a long time ago, and part of them convinced themselves they were never interested in returning.

There did exist a time when they had fun doing the protecting, but that excitement… died.

That, of course, wouldn't be an acceptable answer for Villain.

"What did you do? Stay at home? Or…" they continued.

They did stay at home. It was less mentally straining than whatever the public was getting them to do.

"How about… you tell me where we're headed, and I tell you where I've been."

That seemed fair. The only problem was they still hadn't found an excuse elaborate enough to hide their days of mind-numbing boredom and emptiness.

Villain came to a red light and faced them, "Okay. I'm… don't get scared, but I'm taking you to see my boss."

"Supervillain?"

They licked their teeth and glanced at the red light. The windshield wiped away at the small speckles of rain, blurring the window further. "Yes."

"… bullshit."

Villain's fingers tapped rhythmically on the wheel. "I don't know what else to tell you." The light turned green, and they continued driving.

"Do you think I'm some kind of idiot? Tell me where the hell you're taking me."

"I'm telling you the truth." Their eyes never left the street.

"Like a criminal would do that." They mumbled. The other gave them a look that shut them up. Hero leaned to the window and looked outside, their sleepiness returning.

They didn't like being trapped inside this car. They hated how the road looked so depressing and lonely.

This was just fantastic.

Exactly what they needed. Getting kidnapped and possibly killed for some stupid villainous act. Hero's leg anxiously jumped up and down, waiting for this mysterious location.

…

The moment their eyes opened again, they caught sight of a dim blue sky. It was still raining.

Hero rubbed their eyes.

Curry. It still smelled of curry; Hero felt homesick already. They didn't feel like going home, though, as there was nothing for them there, but it still gave them the anxiety to be out this long.

The jacket over their body slid off.

They didn't remember this. It didn't belong to them. Was this Villain's? Hero lifted it off their body and stared at the soft knitted edges and long sleeves. They didn't expect them to be considerate. They had thought they would only use them for intel later on when they got to meet their boss, but being cared for?

It made them blush. They pressed the jacket up to their nose and took a whiff of it shamelessly.

Cinnamon.

Their head became light.

Kidnapping wasn't supposed to be this much fun, but it was. Hero smiled warmly, their heart singing with excitement. Had they always been this nice? Was this something Villain did for everyone?

They slowly set down the jacket onto their lap. Yeah, it might've just been a moment of consideration; it was best not to look into it too deeply. Not a lot of people would consider Hero popular or a favourite among the crowd of other heroes. It was probably a thoughtless action that wasn't meant to feed into their fantasy.

Stupid.

The seat next to them was empty; Villain was no where to be found. Although the car sat running and kept them warm. The light rain from earlier still drizzled against the windows. Hero caught the sound of an argument.

Their eyes squinted as they looked around. Eventually, they saw Villain and a group of others through the rearview mirror. They stood in front of the well-lit gas station. Hero could hardly tell what they were saying through the rain, but only about a minute later did Villain turn around.

Should they fake sleep? Were they supposed to be up?

In their panic, Hero froze. Villain opened the car door and clamoured in. "Oh? Good morning." They whispered.

Hero thumbed the jacket. Their eyes were sorrowful for treating Villain negatively all the time when all they received were pardons. Hopefully, they would see the end of their bad behaviour; karma would hurt.

Perhaps this was just a decisive plan to guilt-trip them into following Villain obediently.

"You can hold on to my jacket, for now I won't need it."

Villain pulled out of the lot and back onto the road again.

It would be another long silence until they pulled up to a large building with a sign next to a line of other stores. Hero, confusingly, stared out at the place. It didn't look anything like a villain's lair.

"I don't think you answered my question," Villain turned the engine off.

"You're persistent."

"You're observant."

Hero held their ground and remained silent. Villain clicked their tongue when they realized Hero wouldn't give in yet. "I heard you quit."

It shouldn't have hurt when they heard that, but it did.

Hero loved their job. They never meant to leave the way they did, but it hurt to hear that speculation of them quitting had reached Villain.

Hero held onto tears. The last place they wanted to cry was in Villain's car out in God knows where.

"You know, I was hoping you would just talk with me. I didn't mean to kidnap you but uhh… I really didn't have any options."

The rain sounded outside a bright ray of light flickered across the sky. "I knew you lied to me." Their voice came out much more wavering than they wanted to. Hero still refused to make eye contact with their nemesis. They rubbed the palm of their hand against the tears streaking down their cheeks.

They took a moment to catch their breath though it was clear Hero was crying now. Their breathing was sharp as they tried to relax their nerves and take control futilely.

"You know it's pretty damn hard working 8-9 hours of shifts."

Villain let them speak and listened attentively.

"I waited all my damn life to- to- to what?" They whipped their head around to Villain, their face red and wrists flicking the air. "To what, Villain? I don't even know what I want!" They sniffled and leaned back into the seat. "And here I am, getting my life screwed over for little reward."

Hero lifted their sleeves to wipe at their face roughly.

Villain awkwardly waited; they never encountered someone crying before. Usually, someone else did the comforting. They weren't used to that, but it was worth trying.

They reached out and placed a hand on their shaking shoulder with some reserve. "Uhm… I don't know how to do this stuff, but I didn't mean to lie when I said I was taking you to my boss. I just wanted you to tell me what was going on. It's unusual for you to disappear for this long."

Hero looked up at them, their eyes still watery and adjusting to the dark setting. They could barely make out Villain's face, but their words were clear.

"I had thought… nobody would realize if I had just… stepped out of the picture." They licked their lips. "It seemed like no one wanted to care anymore." Hero choked on their sob, a pain held tight onto their throat.

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me, Hero." They moved their hair to the side. "I'm here, Hero. I care about you. You don't think I wouldn't have come if I didn't?"

"I don't know why I always feel… isolated."

"You shouldn't have to."

Hero smiled at them, ease blanketing over them at last. They weren't sure for how long they would stay this way until Villain asked, and to be fair, that's all they wanted to hear, even if it was just one person asking. That was enough, maybe even too generous of them, but that was just the afterthoughts talking.

~~~

MASTERLIST

#writing prompt #fluff prompt #hero x villain community #hero x villain #villain x civilian #pining prompts #light angst #angst dialogue #angst prompts #villainxhero #villain x hero #hurt/comfort

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shoku-and-awe · 1 month

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Is there a savory, easy bread I can start in the morning and have ready for lunch? I’ve been in an awful funk and need to motivate / reward / nourish myself.

Limitations: My oven can’t do temps over 210C, I am out of cheese, and the idea of dinner rolls or biscuits or flatbread is grossing me out for some reason.

EDIT: You people are beautiful, thank you!

#let’s skip the transatlantic discourse about ‘biscuits’ this once please #(all this grumpiness and pickiness and i’m not even on my period)

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king-wilhelm · 4 months

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//Tw disordered eating//

Everytime I eat something without demonizing it, everytime I use food as a tool to improve my health and not as a weapon that destroys it, everytime I eat bread or a cookie or a cheese omelette without feeling guilty about it, everytime I reinforce the idea that carbs and fats are necessary for my body, everytime I stop myself from restricting a craving knowing it’ll only lead to a binge later, everytime I look at food as fuel and not as reward or punishment, i piss my mother off a little bit more.

Like yeah, I’m trying to recover from horrible binge eating and I’m trying to fix my relationship with food and I’m still trying to lose the weight caused by my dopamine chase binges and I’m doing all of it to feel stronger and be able to treat my body with the kindness that my mother never did, that I never did.

BUT, watching my mom get irrationally angry because I eat when I feel hungry and don’t think butter is the devil? Unparalleled feeling. 10/10. Seethe and cope.

#the nonsense this woman has made me believe about my own body istg #like no mom not everyone who looks at my body is doing so with a magnifying glass. you just hate yourself too much #tw food #tw binge eating #tw disordered eating #apollo.txt #okay to reblog #mommy issues #toxic mom #almond mom

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superliz6 · 3 months

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From the questionnaire: 3,23,21 (If you wrote a “missing scene” in Spirit of Change, what would it be?)

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Angst, relationships, slice of life and Lin suffering/being rewarded in ways she could never imagine on the show.

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in Spirit of Change, what would it be?

Oh very good question! If I wanted to insert bits that are fun, but don't matter I would have followed Lin for a time in the Fire Nation Capital, like what she did all day while Kazuo was at work. I HC Lin as a person who goes for a run first thing in the morning so perhaps a jog around the caldera rim and visiting shops/food stalls.

Alternately the one thing I really kick myself for forgetting to include is after this scene in Chapter 6:

“How was your journey- I trust you had calm seas,” Tenzin continued.

Kazuo nodded, “Yes, we just arrived this afternoon. Ready to get to work.”

“Plenty of time for that,” Tenzin assured, “tonight is for breaking bread, as it were.”

Kazuo gave Lin a puzzled look, stifling a derisive laugh he turned back to Tenzin, “You kidding? I think I’ve had four informal meetings just walking from the door to this spot, ” he chuckled realizing Tenzin was not, in fact, kidding, “You’ll have to give me some tips on how to achieve that Air Nation passivity, I suppose.”

I wanted to have a moment where Kaz is bitching about Tenzin and says "who the fuck talks like this? 'breaking bread' jesus christ"

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

I have two nebulous ideas for "there's only one" bed for both Linzin and Linzuo

#lin beifong #tenzin #linzuo #linzin

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pugzman3 · 2 months

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Psalms chapter 109

1 (To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.) Hold not thy peace, O God of my praise;

2 For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened against me: they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.

3 They compassed me about also with words of hatred; and fought against me without a cause.

4 For my love they are my adversaries: but I give myself unto prayer.

5 And they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

6 Set thou a wicked man over him: and let Satan stand at his right hand.

7 When he shall be judged, let him be condemned: and let his prayer become sin.

8 Let his days be few; and let another take his office.

9 Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.

10 Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.

11 Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let the strangers spoil his labour.

12 Let there be none to extend mercy unto him: neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children.

13 Let his posterity be cut off; and in the generation following let their name be blotted out.

14 Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD; and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out.

15 Let them be before the LORD continually, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.

16 Because that he remembered not to shew mercy, but persecuted the poor and needy man, that he might even slay the broken in heart.

17 As he loved cursing, so let it come unto him: as he delighted not in blessing, so let it be far from him.

18 As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his garment, so let it come into his bowels like water, and like oil into his bones.

19 Let it be unto him as the garment which covereth him, and for a girdle wherewith he is girded continually.

20 Let this be the reward of mine adversaries from the LORD, and of them that speak evil against my soul.

21 But do thou for me, O GOD the Lord, for thy name's sake: because thy mercy is good, deliver thou me.

22 For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.

23 I am gone like the shadow when it declineth: I am tossed up and down as the locust.

24 My knees are weak through fasting; and my flesh faileth of fatness.

25 I became also a reproach unto them: when they looked upon me they shaked their heads.

26 Help me, O LORD my God: O save me according to thy mercy:

27 That they may know that this is thy hand; that thou, LORD, hast done it.

28 Let them curse, but bless thou: when they arise, let them be ashamed; but let thy servant rejoice.

29 Let mine adversaries be clothed with shame, and let them cover themselves with their own confusion, as with a mantle.

30 I will greatly praise the LORD with my mouth; yea, I will praise him among the multitude.

31 For he shall stand at the right hand of the poor, to save him from those that condemn his soul.

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mxdavies · 3 months

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☕️!

prompt: morning routine pairing: cohen x julian word count: 931 a/n: TYSM FOR THE ASK <33 im a bit nervous to post my writing here i dont consider myself the best writer but hopefully it's at least an enjoyable read!! :)

Julian scrambles around the kitchen, almost tripping over themself while they push the lever of the toaster down whilst flipping the egg in the pan. Their eyes jot around their surroundings quickly as a bunch of different sounds and smells begin to overwhelm them. The butter sizzling on the pan, the scent of coffee wafting through the air, the microwave beeping to inform them their hastily thrown in bacon was finished cooking… it was all so much to keep track of.

But it was all for Cohen. To see that look of surprise on his face as they bring the platter of delicious food to him. To be praised for their efforts and to get a kiss on the temple as a reward. They live for it. They live for him. To make him the best breakfast they can manage only shows a fraction of the gratitude they hold for him. For being in their life, and for simply existing.

Beeep–!

The microwave grabs Julian’s attention and they look between it and the pan. The egg looks… a little worse for wear, but nothing that’s inedible. They curse their tendency to get lost in thought as they move it to the plate. They try to carefully, but the toaster popping scares them and the yolk breaks underneath the harsher-than-intended motion of their spatula. They groan to themself. They’re so clumsy.

After setting the egg down they rush to the toast before it gets cold. There’s nothing better than melted butter on hot bread and if they somehow ruin this too? They’d be beyond frustrated. Fortunately for them it’s still warm enough for the butter to melt into the surface. They scrape the knife against the toast, making a crunchy sound as they spread the butter. They accidentally press down too hard and break one of the pieces slightly but… it’s not too bad, at least they hope so.

Beeep–!

There it goes again. Julian moves to the microwave and sighs to find that the bacon has gone cold instead. How? They left it in the microwave to retain the heat! Unless it didn’t work like that… they sigh and move it to the plate. Despite what they feel is their lackluster efforts, they arrange the platter to make some sort of semblance of a smiley face. Finally. It’s done. A small smile curls across their cheeks. It isn’t perfect, but hopefully that added some charm.

That’s when the smell of coffee makes it’s way to their nose again. Fuck. The coffee. They forgot all about it. They rush to it to take it off the brewer, only to fumble and spill it onto the counter. They put their hands on their head as they watch everything turn sour in front of their very eyes. Feeling the cup itself it seems as if the coffee also got cold.

It’s all too much. Julian feels tears begin to weld in their eyes but they’re quick to wipe them away. They didn’t want to worry Cohen after all. This is supposed to be a nice little gesture for him. But now they’ve gone and ruined it. They shake their head and turn to grab paper towels to clean their mess, though when they turn their eyes widen with surprise and a slight fear. There he stood, in his sleepy glory.

Cohen’s gaze is tired as he looks down at the smaller man, eyes surveying the surroundings. The kitchen… it’s a bit of a mess. But it’s nothing he wasn’t accustomed to already.

“I heard somethin fall. Y’alright?” He asks. His voice is low and quiet from his slumber and it makes Julian’s heart skip a beat. They give a small sigh and a smile, albeit a nervous one, as they reply.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine! I just…spilt your coffee… sorry.”

“My coffee?” His tone shifts slightly and Julian catches on almost instantly. They shrink into themself as they nod and put the paper towel onto the stained counter before pushing the plate of food his way.

“I… I tried making you breakfast. Emphasis on tried. It’s all… it’s cold, and I broke the yolk, and I’m so sorry that–”

“For me?”

There’s that surprised look on his face. The one they wanted to see in the first place- the softness in his eyes, the love that he feels for them and the gesture radiating from his words alone. Despite messing up so badly… he’s still so happy. They can’t speak in response, only nod as they motion again towards the plate.

Cohen looks down at it- a smiley face. Cute. He gives a small smile and picks up the plate before taking the utensil provided and grabbing a bite. The moment the food hits his taste buds, he hums with content. It was cold, but that certainly doesn’t mean it’s bad. He can still taste the love that Julian poured into it. “It’s really good.”

“R-Really??” They sound almost surprised, earning a small hum and nod from their lover.

“Very.” He shuffles around the corner to be by their side, pressing a kiss on their temple. Just like they hoped for. “Thank you Julian.”

Julian feels their cheeks heat up from his thanks, leaning into him with a hum of their own. His free arm wraps around them and they wrap theirs around him too. In the blink of an eye they’ve forgotten all about their mishaps. All that’s on their mind now is him. A moment of silence, though soon broken by Cohen’s voice.

“Julian…”

“Hmm~?”

“The coffee’s spilling off the counter.”

“...Ah shit–”

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cboffshore · 1 year

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The French Toast Threat: a brief, carboloaded Jay character study

I couldn't stop myself. I'm rambling.

A lot of things about Skybound have haunted me since its original airing, but this line... this line is something else:

The central question I posed on my Twitter - does this line imply the existence of France in Ninjago? - doesn't matter right now. I dislike thinking about that and I'm amazed it got as much traction as it did, but there's a content drought for you. I am, however, fascinated by the word choice!

Usually - as in literally every other time I've heard "toast" used in a threat - it's just that: toast. You're toast, I'm toast, he's/she's/they're/it's/we're toast - conjugation 101. Toast is an easy process. Bread in, push lever, bread out, butter or jelly if you've got the time, hork it down on your way to class. A violent threat - "You've been through the painful process of baking, now go through it again for my benefit," it says - but it's such a routine thing! When was the last time you stopped and really thought about making toast beyond just going through the motions?

That's what the classical Toast Threat is: effective, but soulless. Little about the target is acknowledged; any paint inflicted leads to a brutal, efficient end. Doom is assured, but not much else.

Now, French toast? That's a whole process. You have to plan for that. You have to know what kind of bread will hold up best, what spices and flavors you want in the egg dip, what kind of pan and heat you've got - to say nothing of the act of making it. You can't zone out with French toast the same way as you can with regular toast - you have to be on your toes, but there's care there, too. You can't treat French toast with the same everyday roughness as regular toast or you'll get eggs all over the counter. No, French toast requires attention to detail. You have to watch it to be sure it doesn't burn, to ensure that your bread isn't too thick or thin, and that the eggs are actually properly beaten and cooked. My family's made French toast the same way for my entire life and it's always been a special thing, and I know when the last time I enjoyed it was. It's fussy, but it's worth the reward.

When Jay says that Nadakhan's about to become French toast, he's really saying:

I've been planning this. I'm going to cut him up so carefully with his own sword, dredge him in the nearest unpleasant substance, fry him with my most effective equipment, and let my friends help annihilate him with little effort on their part. I'm going to ensure that he is as fundamentally changed as I am when we're through - that he's unrecognizable in the same way I am now - and I will savor that process.

All that makes it an especially effective threat, but the final nail in the coffin is how Jay opens the threat. For easy reference, the pertinent chunk of the quote:

Note that Jay doesn't directly address Nadakhan here. In context, he's speaking to Nya. Jay's already spent most of his season in direct confrontation with Nadakhan, and it's kind of touching that he's developed to the point of being this flippant about it even after this much pain! (You could also bring in Nadakhan's extremely valid point about Jay acting that way to conceal fear, which also works. Talk about versatility!)

Not only does Jay not even grant Nadakhan a pronoun in passing reference, he jumps straight to "This guy." For a season so set on identity, it's a big deal to skim over that fear-inducing name and replace it with the most off-the-cuff, casual way to refer to someone. Not even someone! Just a guy! The highly specific, detailed implications of turning him into French toast blended with all the banality of regular toast-making... what poetry.

The aftermath of Jay's experience isn't explored much in canon, and we'd all do well to remember that the modern image of a PTSD-ridden Jay is a product of a widespread fan view of the character. In canon, especially the last few episodes, all we get from Jay is a dogged determination to fight and win. This line probably wasn't meant to have this much significance, but it's there, so it's open to interpretation. What I failed to mention on Twitter is that it ultimately doesn't matter why it's here - whether they thought it would just be a fun twist or if Nadakhan was originally supposed to be French-themed or if it was an inside joke meant to canonize France. What matters is that it is here and I'm able to dig into it, and in the process, learn a little something else about Jay!

#ninjago #ninjago jay #ninjago skybound #analysis freak lila back on her bullshit

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rnolduga · 1 year

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Gerudo Height in BotW

NOTE: This is all approximation based on theory, done because simply eyeballing heights wasn't enough for me and I wanted an answer that could at least be explained.

I'll get straight to the point- this started because my fixation on BotW returned and I decided I needed to know Urbosa's height; looking it up rewarded me with poor results, so I decided to find it myself and I spiraled from there. Here we go:

To start, I need a solid metric to measure her height by, as well as something to compare her to. In comes this video by The Bread Pirate, in which he calculates Link's height and comes to the conclusion that he is 5'2", or 1.584 meters. This is perfect, because it just so happens that Link and Urbosa are depicted together on equal level in Memory #15 and that means I can use him to find her height through comparison.

(I had to cut Mipha out from between them for this, rip)

I tried to approximate their heights as accurately as possible, excluding the added height of their hair because. Well. Hair doesn't count. Which is also why in the video, Link was measured in the radiant mask, which flattens his hair.

Now, The Bread Pirate utilizes the BotW memory editor to convert Link's height in in-game pixels to meters, and I can't do that here. So, alternative methods with a common metric have to be used. As seen in the above image, I measured both Link and Urbosa's height from the bottom of their feet to roughly the top of their heads, in red and blue. The black and white lines beside those serve to count each pixel of the lines more clearly, with an added line for Urbosa's heels, which will be subtracted from her total height later. As you can see, Link reaches 122 pixels tall, Urbosa is 175 pixels, and Urbosa's heels are 6 pixels. For simplicity's sake, I'll be measuring height in meters for the math and converting it to feet + inches for those who need it at the end. To find Urbosa's height, we have to find the height of each pixel. For this, we rely on Link's assumed height of 1.584 meters.

1.584 divided by Link's pixel height count, 122, equals 0.01298360655. This means that in this instance, 1 pixel = 0.01298360655 meters.

With that in mind, if Urbosa is 175 pixels tall, then Link's pixel height subtracted from that would give them a 53 pixel difference. 53 pixels, or 0.68813114754 meters.

Link's height of 1.584 meters + their difference of 0.68813114754 meters = 2.27213114754 meters, Urbosa's total height in the above image.

Now, her heels are 6 pixels tall, or 0.0779016393 meters. This, subtracted from her total height, equals 2.19422950824 meters.

So, in simpler terms, Urbosa is roughly:

2.272 meters / 7'5" in heels. 2.194 meters / 7'2" without heels.

That's super tall! Except...

Huh..........................

This got me thinking. I assumed all Gerudo adults except elders used very similar base models and were therefore all the same height, so this was all for the fun of ignoring nintendo's convenient game development method of reusing models to treat each character like an individual, but could they be different heights?

To my surprise, the answer is yes!

Using the same method I did with Urbosa, I approximated the following (heels subtracted from all):

Buliara: 2.315 meters / 7'7"

Guard: 2.112 meters / 6'11"

Avg. Gerudo: 2.019 meters / 6'7"

I left out elderly Gerudo because they're all signifigantly hunched over, making it impossible to get an accurate measurement, as well as Gerudo children, because I'm lazy.

(Side note, that'd make the Gerudo at the bar REALLY tall by their standards. Her in-game model is the same height as other average Gerudo around town, but I'm taking her word on being 8'0" for the sake of maintaining something that is definitively canon lol)

Now, there's just one last thing to mention: Traysi's estimation of average Gerudo height.

Um.

No, pretty sure that's much taller than the average Gerudo, I don't even have to do the math. also that's a cactus not a tree

Anyway. I went into this just wanting to know how tall Urbosa was and ended up doing a lot more math than originally intended to find the heights of other Gerudo too. Worth it tbh.

#botw #legend of zelda #urbosa #gerudo #link #honorary tag bc I couldn't do this without him standing around aimlessly a lot #long post #if anyone can prove me right or wrong with more concrete means I'm all for it pls let me see #idc about being personally right I just like having useless knowledge about things I like #also important to note: the champions' heights seem to be inconsistent in the game #it's most obvious when comparing the scene of them getting their picture taken to the other memories they're in #which I think was probably done so that they'd look good and proportional in a frame all together #which is fine. that stuff is done in production sometimes #but just keep it in mind bc with that being a thing it'd be effectively impossible to find a character height that's 100% consistent #it's for that same reason that I ignore their depictions in age of calamity #different game with different mechanics and probably different heights too #BUT I did see a screenshot of Urbosa next to a Gerudo guard from that game and she looked so tiny I have to laugh #Urbosa being the best warrior the Gerudo had yet significantly shorter than her guards at the time is funny to me

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