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ashintheairlikesnow · 2 years

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⛑ for kauri?

⛑ - Some tender first-aid got this for Chris, too, and I think we should have some Chris and Kauri time

CW: Kauri's Poor Life Choices, drug use, bandaging referenced domestic violence, Kauri's Total Lack of Self-Esteem, accidental whump

Takes place during Chris's time at Nat's safehouse, probably before the end of the second year

"There we go." Kauri soothes, holding Chris's wrist with gentle fingertips just barely touching freckled skin. He wraps the gauze carefully, letting it unroll from its spool even as he tightens it over the gauze pad pressed to the cut. "There, it's okay, Chris. You're okay."

"I just, I, I, I just wanted to, to, to help with dinner-" Chris's face is ruddy with tears, shiny with the tracks drying as he rubs viciously at them with the back of his other hand. Red hair falls over his eyes, growing out by now but not long enough that he'll consent to a haircut yet. He sways to one side, then stops himself, but his hand starts to move, then, rubbing over the seam of his jeans along the outside of his thigh, back and forth, back and forth, seeking the comfort of the rough texture and the thread.

"It's okay," Kauri repeats. "It's okay."

"It's, it's, I'm, I'm so stupid, I can't even c-cut up a bell p-p-p-pepper-"

"You're not stupid." Kauri's eyes are sparkling a little more than they should, his smile is slightly hazy, but Chris doesn't ask what he's on and Kauri doesn't volunteer the information. He had shown up on the front step like this, beautiful and a little scary. "You were just surprised, that's all."

Chris sniffs, hard, rocking forward and back when Kauri lets go of his arm, looking down at the bandage haphazardly applied. Then he looks up at Kauri, slightly sidelong, not quite looking at his eyes. "You, um. Are you okay?"

"Me?" Kauri tips his head to the side, smiling and sunny. Brilliant and sparkling, and he's so high he can barely stand on his own. Antoni is taking a shower, and other than Krista and Ant, Chris is alone in the house, everyone else is out. Krista will fuss and Antoni will press his lips together but no one will tell Kauri to stop. "Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

Chris hesitates, then reaches his uninjured hand up to graze his thumb over Kauri's cheekbone. "You, you, you have a black eye."

Kauri pulls away abruptly, pushing himself to his feet, turning as if to hide the smear of bruising Chris had already noticed. There are more bruises around one wrist. "You're not the only one who's stupid sometimes, Chris."

Chris swallows the pain - he knows Kauri doesn't mean it, not about Chris, even if he always means it when he says it about himself - and stays where he is, swaying side to side. "Did your boyfriend hurt you?"

Kauri laughs, bitter and brittle as glass. "I don't have a boyfriend. Just some guy. Some... just some guy."

"Did he, he, he, um, did he give you-"

Kauri's head whips back to him and Chris swallows the end of his question.

"It's not important," Kauri says, flat. He runs a hand back through the wild tangle of black curls. There's fingernail polish on his nails, black to match, and the leather bracelet that hides his number is buckled so tight it must be painful, too.

There's a speaker playing music off a playlist that Jake made for Chris of all the songs he's mentioned liking since he came here. The song switches, a softly strumming acoustic guitar creating a wistful, pulsing beat with an electric melody over the top before the drums kick in.

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold but something about it felt like home somehow-

Kauri pauses. "I know this song."

"Yeah. Jake, um. Jake says not to to to to tell you. That he has this album. I don't know, um, what it is, but-"

"I do." Kauri throws his head back in laughter that's so sharp and loud it makes Chris jump, his heart skipping a beat. Then Kauri turns and looks at Chris, holding out his hands. He leans over, grinning, but it's a rictus, not an expression. "Jake's sentimental, he just likes to pretend he isn't. Dance with me, Chris."

"... what?"

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze-

"Dance! I want to dance. Come here." Kauri moves and takes his hand even though Chris hasn't moved yet, pulls him so close their bodies are pressed together and Chris shivers. Kauri's face is an inch away from his or less. His breath is warm against Chris's cheek.

"Kauri... we, we, we aren't supposed to-"

"I'm not going to kiss you, Chris, I just want to dance."

"... okay. I, I, I can do that."

He's scared of Kauri, a little, when he shows up like this. Too scared to say no.

"Good." Kauri slides arms around him. He moves Chris's arms up around his shoulders, and Chris feels the heat coming off of him like a furnace as they sway to the music. Kauri lays his head on Chris's shoulder even though Chris is shorter than he is or maybe they're the same height. His wrist aches, but Chris bites his lip against the pain. He can't pull away.

He isn't made to be able to pull away.

It'll be fine.

Kauri would never hurt him.

And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all-

Kauri's hair tickles his neck for a while, prickles and irritates where Chris's collar once was, but he never says anything. He lets Kauri lead their slight, soft movements to the beat, feels his own pulse beat not quite in time with the song.

At some point, he feels a shudder go through Kauri. The older man's shoulders are shaking. His breath hitches, soft as a whisper, but Chris knows that sound. He's made it himself, so many times. Chris pulls him even more tightly against him, telling himself to be brave. "Kauri-"

"Don't." Kauri's voice is tight.

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest-

"Kauri, please-"

"I said don't, Chris. I don't want to talk about it."

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here cause I remember it all too well-

"Kauri, what, what, what's wrong-"

Kauri's hands press to Chris's shoulder blades, fingernails digging in. The kitchen light buzzes overhead, a sound Chris can hear but no one else can, apparently. Except Kauri, sometimes.

"I'm so stupid, that's what," Kauri whispers, lips moving against Chris's neck, his earlobe. "Not you, you're great, but I'm... I'm so fucking stupid, Chris. Why did I think I could go? Why did I try to start over?"

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it... I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it-

"What?"

"They're all him," Kauri says, voice low. "In the end. Everyone just ends up being him all over again. I think they're going to be different, and then they're not, and why do I keep trying?"

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so-

Kauri pulls away, violently, sending Chris stumbling back until he backs into a chair and trips over the legs, crashing to the ground, landing on his injured wrist with a soft cry.

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known-

Kauri's eyes widen and he leans forward to offer Chris his hand, only for the younger man to flinch away from him instinctively. Kauri freezes, blue eyes wide, no longer hazy.

The guilt in them is glittering, crystal-clear.

"Oh, shit. Chris, I'm sorry-... it was an accident, I didn't mean to-" He freezes, hearing his own words, and Chris watches Kauri's heart shatter as he hears himself saying what's been said to him already, a thousand times before, by people who have hurt him.

"What happened?" Krista is in the doorway, ponytail skimming her shoulders. "Oh, Chris, oh no-"

"Oh, god," Kauri whispers, and backs up. "Oh my god-"

Antoni is right behind Krista, the two of them moving to Chris, who is curling up around himself, looking down at the ground, shaking his head back and forth. He's not listening to them.

But he can hear Kauri's intake of breath, watching.

Antoni turns to look over his shoulder. "What happened, Kauri?"

"I-... I was just-... we were dancing and I-"

"What happened to your eye?" Antoni's eyebrows furrow. "Oh, Kasha, no."

Kauri's jaw works, his chin goes up, and he turns without a word and walks out the front door, slamming it behind him.

"Kasha, wait-..." Antoni takes in a deep breath "Take Chris back to Jake's room," Antoni says softly, meeting Krista's eyes over Chris's head. "I will go after Kauri."

"After Kauri," Krista echoes, but nods, and helps Chris stand. The music has changed, Chris hates the new song even though it's been his favorite. It's too happy, and there can't be happy music over a moment like this.

Antoni goes out the door, leaving Krista and Chris alone in the kitchen.

Chris hears him call Kauri's name, already faint, and knows that Kauri is running-

Antoni is running after him.

"Call Jake," Chris whispers. "We, we, we should call Jake."

"Call Jake. Um, I think he's... with his girlfriend, with Addie-..."

"I want Jake."

Krista swallows and nods. "I want Jake, too."

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @astrobly @thefancydoughnut @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears @hackles-up @grizzlie70 @mylifeisonthebookshelf @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @canniboylism

#erase to control #Kauri's Poor Life Choices #drug use tw #drugs tw #trauma recovery #domestic violence references #referenced abusive relationship #black eye #recovering whumpee #chris the strawberry blond romantic #imperfect survivor #oh kauri #angst angst angst

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godblooded · 1 year

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i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.

#ooc. your local bodega kat.#[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other #sometimes it's normal!!#couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said #or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and #then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one #specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why #i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his #bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also #needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic #ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED.#you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and #then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL #LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been #through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it #being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.]#domestic violence mention /#domestic abuse mention /#abuse mention /#murder mention /#[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]

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szarr · 9 months

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"About that night we shared..."

What??? We didn't share a night together Gale! I said that I considered you a friend then you left a hologram of yourself at camp to tell me to go find you and I just decided not to go because my gf wanted to beat me up!

#ooc #also when I say my gf wanted to beat me up I am referring to lae'zel #no domestic abuse goin on here\

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mollywilliams · 1 year

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location: some sidewalk near providence peak memorial, claret park. status: closed for @dylan-westwick

The news she’d received from the hospital wasn’t the worst gift she’d gotten from them, no, that award went to the shiny new cast wrapped around her arm and the fact that her nose had, indeed, been broken again (though she wasn’t sure if they could call it broken a second time if it had never healed from the first time) was just a pretty bow on top of it. In the end, they sent her off with a folder the size of a phonebook full of instructions and reminders to set a date for surgery, one that she’d probably ignore once more lest they start asking even more questions about why her nose was broken the first time. She’d only made it a few blocks in the direction of Aslihan’s house when the papers she’d been attempting to flip through while walking, a bad idea in hindsight, went flying and her shoulder bumped into someone else’s. “Shit, sorry,” Molly immediately responded, bending down to grab the papers as best she could with just the tips of the fingers peeking out from her cast, only catching a glimpse of the person she’d bumped into when she decided to look back up. “Oh, it’s you. I take back my sorry, but not my shit. What are you doing walking around anyway? Don’t you have some kind of horse to ride?”

#interaction.dylan #interaction.all #tw domestic abuse reference #tw injury

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edupunkn00b · 11 months

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Logan Croft Sanders - I'm Not Crying, You're Crying

Thinking about the juxtaposition of these three songs in Logan Croft’s Sanders’s life, most especially in It Could Always Be Worse and The Uses of Adversity.

Arms Wide Open

Arms Wide Open tells the story of a man finding out he's about to be a father.

Well, I don't know if I'm ready To be the man I have to be I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side We stand in awe, we've created life … I’ll show you love… I’ll show you everything… If I have just one wish, only one demand, I hope he’s not like me, I hope he understands that He can take this life, and hold it by the hand and he can greet the world with arms wide open…

Live to Tell

There’s some interpretation, of course, but it is the story of someone surviving abuse and wondering how to tell their story and to move on and do more than survive.

I have a tale to tell Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well I was not ready for the fall Too blind to see the writing on the wall The truth is never far behind You kept it hidden well If I live to tell the secret I knew then Will I ever have the chance again?

Hello My Old Heart

Then, finally, the hope he can't quite force away. The hope that kept him loving Kelly for far, far longer than he should have. The hope that he could somehow make it through, keep them all safe until Patton turned eighteen. The hope that he could find another way when Kelly made it clear that just wasn't an option.

The hope he feels when he looks into Roman's eyes.

Hello, my old heart How have you been? How is it being locked away? Don't you worry In there, you're safe And it's true, you'll never beat But you'll never break Nothing lasts forever Some things aren't meant to be But you'll never find the answers Until you set your old heart free Until you set your old heart free

See, told you it was you crying and not just me.

#logan sanders #roman sanders #logince #eventually #It Could Always Be Worse #The Uses of Adversity #abuse mention #Arms Wide Open #Live to Tell #Hello My Old Heart #domestic violence reference

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illputdownmyrootswhenimdead · 2 years

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“marriages used to be so much more stable! there were no divorces people just worked their problems out and stayed married!”

yeah mate that’s because women weren’t really considered people and couldn’t do anything but stay in a bad marriage, because they couldn’t buy property, or have their own bank accounts, or even legally divorce their husband. marriages weren’t more stable, women were forced to stay in them and at best were quietly miserable for their entire lives

#this isn’t in reference to any posts or anything it’s actually in reference to a song i listened to lol #abuse //#domestic violence //#misogyny //#ask to tag #dove talks

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fanfic-lover-girl · 2 years

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Mater's Regret

Wrote this in like 15mins on a bus ride. Writing is definitely easy when you have a solid idea :). I'm actually liking the word play for OC names.

Like my Mama Padme story, I am trying to work towards my OC and Luke having a healthy relationship. I don't believe in either gender dominating over the other in real life.

Summary: Mater reflects on her relationship with Luke after her heat.

TW: domestic abuse, reference to non-sexual breastfeeding of young adult, toxic female dominance

Mater lowered her head after her comm once again rang without an answer. Her sisters gazed at her with sympathy. "Prince Luke still ignoring you?" her oldest sister Uwa asked. Mater sighed in response and tossed the useless comm onto the floor.

Mam, her immediate older sister, scoffed, "You're too soft on him. You need to take control of your guy." Mater clenched her fists while Uwa frowned at her, "Our duty is to care for our families, Mam. Including our husbands. Not to control them." Mam rolled her eyes and muttered, "Keep telling yourself that." A low snarl emitted from the corner of the room and Mam responded with an even louder growl, her scent harsh and putrid and eyes flashing. The snarl tapered off.

Uwa shook her head in disgust, "The way you treat your intended is atrocious! I would never treat Mitis like that-" "Well Mitis is a toothless tooka. I could step on the man, and he'd ask if my foot was hurt by his hair. Sue me for wanting a more challenging partner!"

Mater sat silently as her sisters began their old argument once again. She turned to look at her future brother in law who stewed in the corner of the room. The man was shaking, in fear or anger, she was not sure. Women of her species sometimes found happiness with males of other races but it could be hard. Dura was obviously not doing well, and the flaming scratches along his body indicated that he and her sister had another fight.

She pictured Luke in Dura's place and cringed violently. No, Luke did not deserve that. She could never hurt him like that. That's if Luke ever talked to her again.

After her heat ended, Mater was flying high. It was a relief caring for Luke again, but he was not pleased. She would have preferred him screaming at her instead of his cold eyes and silence. At the memory, she swallowed back tears.

Like Mam, she found the men of her species uninteresting. It's not as if she had a shortage of suitors either. But she didn't want to be in charge all the time. When she heard about the campaign to find a consort for the imperial prince, she immediately jumped on board. Her sisters laughed at her, saying she stood no chance against aristocrat women from Coruscant. She didn't care. There was something about the prince that intrigued her. When she saw him in person for the first time, sitting on his father's lap, she knew she wanted him.

Despite being Vader's son, Luke was so sweet. Nursing him that first time was one of the best moments of her life. She had never thought she would feel bonded to someone to that degree. When Luke tried impressing her later on, Mater was flattered. No guy had ever treated her like that before. She loved looking after Luke, but he made her feel special in a way that her suitors' submission never could. His friendship meant a lot to her and she knew she could rely on him. She did her best to be there for him too. And now she ruined everything because she couldn't control herself. Betrayed his trust.

Part of her blamed Luke for reducing her to that crazed state in the first place. Saw him as being somewhat selfish. An even smaller part of her was irritated at him even attempting to rebel against her. But she dismissed those thoughts with a shake of her head.

She did not want a doll or a dog. She wanted Luke. And she would do anything to make it up to him somehow. At least she knew the emperor favored her. She bit her lip as a pang of guilt hit her. Another way she contributed to Luke's lack of control over his life. She squared her shoulders and marched over to the discarded comm, ignoring her still bickering sisters. She would not give up until she heard back from Luke. He deserved an apology.

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #domestic abuse #reference to nonsexual breastfeeding #luke skywalker #female oc #alien biology #toxic female dominance #progress towards a healthy relationship #loss of trust

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nicholasthepunisher · 2 years

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long haired man bun spike in blue crow waltz almost makes up for the fact that jet didn’t get any kind of explanation for how he met spike and why they entered into a partnership. almost.

#not even one line of dialogue. no reference no nothing.#but vicious fucking vicious daddy issues domestic abuser vicious got a whole prequel novel and episode about his past with spike.#gripping edge of table so fiercely i'm leaving nail indents #netbop posting #bebop tag #text

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radlymona · 6 months

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GET HIS FUCKING ASS

#you guys don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this #the ATP (men’s tennis organisation) handled the investigation of domestic abuse against his girlfriend #so so poorly #clearly with the intent to keep one of their biggest stars playing #for reference he’s the 2021 Olympic gold medallist #I hope Olga Sharypova gets the justice she deserves #she’s been waiting for so long #male violence #tennis

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ashintheairlikesnow · 2 years

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Kauri and Vince in pain or angst is just ✨👌🏾! Listen we all hate Owen but i gotta admit the man has taste…

CW: References to past domestic violence, discussion of child abuse and domestic violence, and then everything goes to shit at the end

At least, Jake thinks, he isn't running yet.

He stands in the doorway to their bedroom, looking in on Kauri. He looks so small, curled up like that on his side in the center of the enormous oversized king bed that is the one single luxury Jake allows himself. His hair falls over his forehead and along his neck, and through the black curls Jake can see heavy dark eyelashes, just barely resting on his cheek. He's gone more angular with time, lost the last of the softness that had rounded him when they first met.

Still, he seems the same in so many ways. Frightened and curled around the little Roomba that had been with him since he was trapped, has followed him through freedom, and who even now sits with a soft buzzing warmth, her visual sensors two red dots watching Jake, an unblinking guardian.

"He's going to take a shower," Jake says, voice low. Kauri doesn't respond, but his arms tightens minutely around Keira, and he presses his forehead against the curved metal along her side. "He says he mostly just got roughed up. His nose isn't even broken, we thought it was but... just a lot of blood. He'll heal up all right. Just some bumps and bruises and a whole lot of very gross dirt."

Kauri still doesn't move, or even open his eyes.

Jake inhales, slowly, and then steps inside properly, closing the door behind him. The room dips into comfortable darkness, lit only by the streetlight outside. The night has fallen by now, and some of the sweltering daytime heat is finally letting up.

The ceiling fan ticks in a lazy spin overhead, and Jake could reach up and touch it without even stretching onto his toes, but he just sits at the edge of the bed. Keira watches him. Kauri curls up a little tighter around her.

"Kauri. Look at me." There's a pause, and then he does. Those wide blue eyes slowly open, glimmering with tears and shadowed in misery. "This isn't your fault."

"It is," Kauri answers. His voice is hoarse, but he's been crying ever since they got the call from Krista, off and on. Jake isn't surprised. It actually reminds him of Jameson, whose voice is eternally hoarse from screaming and not tears, but the effect is sort of the same. "It is my fault. If I wasn't here-"

"He'd have found you ages ago, and we couldn't keep you safe," Jake soothes, leaning over to push back the curls with his thumb, rubbing it lightly over Kauri's forehead just above his thick eyebrows. He shivers, but it's a pleasant sensation, and the beautiful man manages a slight, faint, frightened smile.

"You'd all be better off," Kauri says.

Falsehood detected, Keira answers, sounding almost prim and proper - if metallic robot voices can have emotions like that - and Jake grins.

"See? Keira's smarter than all of us combined and she knows you're better off here than back there."

"You taught her to say that when I say anything bad about myself," Kauri says petulantly. But his arms tighten around the little robot that was by his side before anyone else even had the chance.

"Guilty as charged," Jake admits. He can barely contain the weight and the depth of his love, in the moment. Down the hall the shower runs, Antoni scrubbing away the remnants of what Owen did. In another room, Chris is safe in bed, Rafael and Laken with him, distracting him with video games so he won't think about what was written on the walls. Krista is in a hotel room while they move her to a new apartment - Jake had paid the lease-breaking fee and all the costs of the new place and hiring a moving truck himself, out of a stash of money Vincent Shield gave him more or less against his will more than a year ago. Krista's safe, under an assumed name and driven to a place no one will expect her to be.

Everyone is exactly as safe as Jake is capable of making them.

And he feels like shit that he can't do better than this.

"What'm I gonna do?" Kauri asks, and the wedding ring glitters in the darkness on his left ring finger as he rests the hand on top of Keira. She whirrs her little broken wheel in response, a sound not entirely unlike a cat purring. "Jake, what-... what do I do, we can't go to the cops, we can't... Jesus. You were right."

Jake pauses. "Right about what, Kaur?"

"Going public," Kauri whispers. "Telling everyone what WRU is doing. You were so right, it told Owen where to find me, didn't it? I didn't think he'd still be looking after so long, but-... but-"

"He is, yeah. And no, this isn't what I thought would happen, and although it literally hurts me to admit to this, no, I wasn't right in being too scared to let you speak up. You did the right thing." Jake takes his hand, and Kauri's fingers are long and cool in his own. "You really did. None of this changes that. Whatever bullshit Owen does is because he's a shitty asshole who wanted to hurt you. It's not because of anything you've ever done."

"He's hurting everyone around me," Kauri says, meeting Jake's eyes finally. "He-... he hurt you by sending your dad-"

"I kicked that fucker off my front porch in less than an hour." Jake keeps his voice light, although the humor doesn't quite land. "And then my mom drove to his hotel and screamed at him to leave us alone from there. He's gone, and you know what?"

Kauri waits a beat, and then asks, "What?"

"I found out important shit from that, anyway. One, that he's actually a more pathetic person than he used to be, he didn't even want to find me, he just wanted the money Owen gave him for doing it. He had to take a picture of my house, apparently, for proof. Two, when Mom was yelling at him he admitted he doesn't know where Jeremy is, so my little brother is safe from him, too."

"Go Suzanne," Kauri says, brightening just a little. "She really decided to leave and went, huh?"

"She really did. Apparently Dad's history of using custodial visits to beat the shit out of me came up in court." Jake ignores the ancient twist of jealousy, that someone else's mom could go when his felt compelled to stay for so, so long. It wasn't her fault, not really - Jake by now knows everything about the psychology of abuse, he's made rescuing people from a kind of endless legal abuse the focus of his entire life.

But the jealousy is still there, deep down. And he doesn't hate himself for feeling it, not anymore. He just accepts that it's the child in him wishing things could have been different, and that's an okay thing to wish.

"Go Suzanne," Kauri repeats, but his eyes close again. He squeezes Jake's hand. "I wish I could have been like her."

"Kauri." Jake laughs - he can't help it, it's such a bizarre train of thought. "Kauri, I love you, but you are, you are like her."

His eyes open again, and he blinks up at Jake, confused. Jake loves the way his brow furrows, the little wrinkle between his eyebrows, when he makes this face. "What? How?"

"You were scared. You were hurting. He turned on you - and you decided to leave, you took what you loved-" His eyes flicker down to Keira, whose visual sensors might brighten briefly in what he likes to think is her attempt to approximate a smile, "-and you went."

"Yeah, but-"

"You threw yourself out of a moving car on a highway," Jake insists, and pulls Kauri's hand to his lips to kiss along his knuckles one by one. "You cut shit out from under your skin so he couldn't track you with it. You nearly fucking died for freedom. Go Suzanne, yeah, I'm so glad Jeremy won't have to know Dad like I did, but... go you, too, Kauri. If you hadn't run you'd be dead. And you ran, and here you are."

"Here I am," Kauri echoes, the first glimpse of a real smile fading as he thinks. "And here Owen is, tracking me down, ruining my life. Ruining all our lives. Chris has barely spoken since it happened-"

"He ate a little bit today," Jake says, thinking. "Laken's trying to get him to drink a protein shake before he learns about Antoni."

"Krista doesn't feel safe anymore-"

"The movers are packing all her shit up for us tomorrow, and she'll be moved into the new place by Monday. It's ten minutes away instead of an hour, so she'll be closer to help if she needs it again."

"Antoni is hurt-"

"Antoni's been hurt before," Jake says, but his voice gentles. He knows this guilt, marking Kauri's face as deeply as any scar ever could. "He'll be all right. He's here, and we'll take care of him."

"I guess. Jake, I-... I'm scared of him. I make jokes, I know, about Owen's... his bullshit, and everything he did to me, but-... but." Kauri huffs dry, humorless, angry laughter, closing his eyes and curling tightly around Keira again. "I'm so scared," He whispers, lips trembling against Keira's side.

Kauri is good, Keira croons, soothing as best she can. Kauri Grant, owner. Kauri is good. Reassurance Jake Stanton provide.

"I do, and I will, as many times as you need to hear it. We'll get through this, Kauri."

"Maybe," Kauri whispers. "Maybe we will. What did Nat say?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to her." Jake shrugs. Kauri raises his head, confused, and Jake sighs. "She texted before that she and Jameson were doing movie night, and you know how she is about he phone. She turns it off during movies. I've left a voicemail and I'll try again when I figure the movie's probably over."

Kauri is quiet, for a second. Outside, a mourning dove softly calls hoo-hoo, hoo. Then he pushes himself up. "Call Jameson's phone," He says quickly. "Please."

"Jameson didn't give me his number, he was... he's not exactly happy with me-"

"Do it, Jake. Please. Get Allyn, they know... they know, please." Kauri swallows. His seem briefly silver, reflecting the hint of light from outside. "For me, Jake. Please."

"... yeah. Okay." Jake gets to his feet and heads down the hall, finding Allyn in their bedroom listening to an audiobook, eyes closed. He makes sure to let the door hit the wall, so they jolt into awareness and open their eyes before he's right in front of them. They look up - already ready for bed in a matching pajama set they found at Secondhand Threads two weeks ago.

"Jake?" They tip their head to one side, heavy, wavy red hair falling against the freckles on their cheek.

"Can you call Jameson for me, please? Nat's phone is off."

Allyn nods. "Movie night," They say sagely, and twist to their side to pick their phone up off the nightstand. They're proud of it, of the trust Jake shows them in giving them a phone of their own and a way to contact Jameson that doesn't mean going through someone else. Jake hears them in there talking for an hour some nights, Allyn's voice low and soft the way Jake's own voice gets when he talks to Kauri and Antoni.

The shower at the end of the hall shuts off.

Allyn finds the call history, and Jameson is the only person they've ever called so they don't need to read in order to hit the send button and hold it up to their ear. They frown.

The second tick by, one by one by one by one.

"Hold on," They say quietly. "Let me try again."

Something cold starts to settle in Jake's chest. He hovers in the doorway, watching as they call again. The time stretches. It slows. It stops.

Allyn frowns down at the phone. They try one more time. This time, they flinch and look up. "The phone's not even ringing now, it went to his voicemail."

Jake could pretend to be confused... but he isn't.

Just cold with a burst of fury that closes sharp fingers around his heart. He turns around and finds Antoni in the bathroom doorway, drying his hair in a loose, long-sleeved shirt and pants. "Jasha?" Antoni asks, but hesitates when he sees... whatever it is he sees in Jake's face. "Jasha-"

Jake moves past him without a word and goes back to the bedroom. "I'm going to check on Nat," He says sharply to Kauri, sitting on the side of the bed to yank on tennis shoes. "Jameson's phone rang twice with no answer and went to voicemail. It's probably nothing, but-"

"It's not nothing," Kauri cuts him off. He sits up, too, clambering out from the center of the bed and standing. "I'll go with you-"

"No." Jake looks up at him, and he feels guilty at how Kauri looks scared of him, too, the look on his face... but not so guilty that he'll give in and risk what might happen if he goes. "Listen. I'm going to go handle it. You stay here and keep track of everyone. Keep them safe. Keira, you've got location on my phone?"

Jake Stanton phone ID verified, Keira responds. She might sound urgent. How do you know, with a robot voice, coolly feminine and metallic? Location tracking on.

"Good. If my phone heads anywhere but Nat's house, Kauri, then you come for me, too. But otherwise I'll call you."

Kauri doesn't want to say yes, Jake can tell, but he can't say no, either. It should bother Jake that he can tell Kauri can't say no, right now, that he's too deep in his terror and fear to remember how long it took him to speak up for himself.

It doesn't. He needs that fear right now. He needs Kauri to stay here.

He leaves the room and heads down the hall at a fast clip, ignoring Antoni's eyes on his back. Jake slams the door shut and locks it in one smooth motion before he's jogging for the car he borrowed since his own is sitting at a mechanic's to get every damn tire replaced now, since Owen slashed them.

"Shit," He mutters to himself, and pulls out of the driveway so fast he nearly hits the neighbor's mailbox, before tires squeal on pavement and he's gone. The drive takes forever, no matter how fast he goes. He tries calling her three more times. It doesn't work.

Nat's truck is in her driveway, lights show through the blinds, but when he leaps up the stairs and opens her unlocked front door...

She's gone.

So is Jameson.

The only thing he can see is a spray of blood along the wall above Jameson's phone, dropped directly beneath it into a puddle of more blood, drips and drops of it along the floor, leading from the phone towards the door. Now that Jake is looking, he can see more drops on the porch, down the steps. He smeared them when he went running up to come inside.

There's a goddamn handprint on the inside of the front door.

That has to be on purpose.

That's a fucking message.

Trash Cat is a meow before she's a creature, loudly yowling as she runs up to Jake. He scoops her up and for the first time she allows him to hold him, clinging with claws to his arm and shoulder. Jake takes a breath, knowing immediately he won't find Nat or Jameson here. If Trash Cat is coming to him, there's no one else.

Tied to her collar with thread is a little rolled-up piece of paper, a bloodied fingerprint pressed into the blank side. He unrolls it, stares at what's written in ballpoint pen. He checks the whole house to be sure - to ensure no one is here, no one is hiding, he even checks the secret closet hiding space he once put Chris in so long ago - and then he heads back outside and gets into the borrowed car.

With Trash Cat sitting ladylike in the passenger seat, he picks up his phone.

"Jake, did you find them-"

"He's got them," Jake says, voice flat. Kauri lets out a soft cry at the other end, and then Jake has to close his eyes as one of the two loves of his life wails, an animal sound he would rather die than ever have to hear again.

"No," Kauri whimpers. A sob breaks on the other end. Antoni's voice is low, muffled, not quite understandable in the background. Jake hears Kauri tell him, and Antoni's vicious swearing in Russian. Kauri returns to the phone, his voice shaking with tears. "Jake, no, please, please tell me he doesn't-"

"He does," Jake says. He takes a deep breath. "But listen. Trash Cat's still here."

Trash Cat meows when she hears her name, left ear flicking towards him and then away. Her tail lashes, unhappily.

"He didn't-... oh god, he didn't hurt her, did she? She's just an animal, she didn't-... she isn't-"

"He didn't hurt her," Jake soothes. "I'm bringing her back with me. But I found a note on her."

"A..." Kauri sniffs. "A note?"

"A note."

"From... oh, fuck, jesus, god..." Kauri takes a breath so deep Jake can hear it through the phone line. "From Owen? Does he s-say what he's going to d-d-do to them or-"

"It's not from Owen." Jake backs down the driveway, turning out to head for the four-way stop at the end of the street.

"What? Then-"

"The note is from Nat," Jake says. His eyes are on the merge to the highway up ahead and the promise of laying his foot as hard as he can on the gas pedal to head home. "It's Jameson's blood on the wall, not hers. And Owen's too apparently. I need to talk to Keira."

"What? Why? Wait, blood on the wall?"

"Listen. Owen's got Vince, apparently, and now he's got Jameson and Nat, but... but listen."

There's a pause. "I'm listening-... oh god, Jake."

"Listen to me." His left hand is tingling, and Jake ignores the evidence of the lasting nerve damage that he is still pretending never happened. "Nat has a plan."

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