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obsidiancreates · 1 year

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Out Of The Shadows and Into The Neon (Part 7)

"Alright, champ!" Leon hops around a bit, fists up in a defensive position. "Ready for your first real spar?"

Leo raises his own fists. "Dad? Um, aren't you a little... tall, for me to spar with?"

Leo look four feet down at his 10 year old son. "Good point... but Pop-Pop didn't want to, and I don't think your brothers can defend well enough yet."

"What about Uncle Casey? Or Auntie April?"

"They're taller than you too."

"But they aren't giants! You're taller than everyone!"

"So what do you suggest?" He puts his hands on his hips. "Don't say 'robot', I'm not letting Don make anything that can fight again."

"He made Shelldon!"

"He made Shelldon when we were fifteen, and he did try to kill us one time."

"I heard that was your fault."

"Noooo... Maybe a little. Who told you that?"

"Uncle Donald."

"Well, he's a big liar. Just go for my legs since you can't reach my face, okay?"

Leo shrugs, and begins trying to hit his dad's legs as Leon dodges the hits. "Dad? Will I ever be as tall as you?"

"Dunno! You might not want to be, it makes going through doors a terrible experience."

"I don't want to be short forever, though."

"Maybe you won't."

"I think I will. I had a dream that I never got any taller than five foot one."

"That's... really specific. Did you dream about your brothers?"

"Yeah. Raph was five feet forever, and Mikey was four-eleven, and Donnie was five-six. Forever and ever, until the day we all died."

"Whoa, pause, time out." Leon kneels down. "You dreamt you all died?"

Leo looks away and taps his fingers together. "It-it wasn't bad. I just... knew at the end we did. But I didn't see it so it wasn't a nightmare."

"Well, are you okay?"

"Yeah. ... I-I went and woke up Pop-Pop and he told me a story, and when I went back to bed it was okay."

"What story?"

"... The one about Gram-Gram."

"Oh." Leon swallows the lump in his throat that manifest every time he thinks of Karai. "That's kind of a heavy story."

"Yeah. But... she's not gone. Everyone's together again, even though they died. ... It makes it less scary to think about."

"That's... a really good way of thinking of it." He's never thought of it that way himself, actually. Karai waiting, spending time with her father, and he can say sorry to her still someday, to tell her all about her great-great-great way-more-greats grandkids and how awesome they are...

And the whole family will be together someday, without this aching, gaping hole in their hearts.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Pop-Pop will be with her when he dies, right?"

Leon can't help the way he flinches away at the very thought. "That won't be for a long time, kiddo."

"But when he does, he-he'll be waiting for us? And we'll see him again?" The way his son looks at him, so pleading, so... so young. God, he's so young, why is he thinking of this? Why is his 10 year old son being haunted by this?

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. We'll all end up in the same place, because we're family. I promise."

Leo nods, and then suddenly throws himself into Leon's arms. "I love you, Dad," he says, his little voice choked up with tears. "I love you a lot, and-and I want you to know that, and-"

"Hey, hey." Leon pats Leo's little shell as he hugs him tight. "... It wasn't just your brothers, was it?"

Leo shakes his head and buries his face into Leo's shoulder. "It was you and Pop-Pop."

"We're right here, buddy."

"Shredder got you."

Leon's blood runs cold. "Shredder is gone, Lee. He'll never, ever hurt you."

"I know. ... I won't let him hurt you either."

"You don't need to protect me, hijo."

"I do." Leo's little body shakes in Leon's hands, making him hug tighter. "I do, I-I need to keep you safe."

"Hey." Leon rubs the back of his son's head with his thumb. "You're just a kid, okay? You don't need to take that burden on yourself. Let me protect you. Let your uncles protect you. Let your grandpas and your aunties and all our friends protect you. These are adult things to worry about. I promise you don't have to."

"I don't know how to stop, Dad," Leo sobs.

"We'll work on it together, okay? You don't need to put all this pressure on yourself. You're just a kid."

"O-okay." Leo hugs as tight as he can with his little arms. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"... Can-can we watch Jupiter Jim instead of sparring?"

"Of course we can! Do you want to read me the story you wrote about him and your space hero too?"

"Y-yeah."

"Let's grab some ice cream on the way. Uncle Angelo made some fresh last night."

"But not on pizza like Mikey does, right?"

"Not on pizza like Mikey does. I don't know how that kid never throws up with how he eats."

Leo finally giggles, and Leon smiles as he gets up and carries his son to the kitchen.

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"Alright, now you draw the outline," Angelo says as he uses his powers to lift Mikey high into the air, "And I'll color it in with the spray paint!"

"Shouldn't Raph do this?" Mikey says even as he begins to doodle a big alligator man, one of his favorite imagined characters to draw. "He's better at it."

"This isn't about being good. It's about having fun!"

Mikey laughs, kicking his legs as he keeps drawing, adding a big crown to the alligator mutant's head. "Yeah! Raph can suck it!"

"Raph can... Mikey?"

"Yeah?" He sticks his tongue out as he focuses, a habit he shares with his genius brother.

"Has Raph been bullying you?"

"NO!" Mikey whips around in midair, eyes as wide as they can get. "No!"

"Whoa whoa! He's not in trouble if he's not, but why can he 'suck it' then?"

"Oh. Well, uh, yesterday he said I'm not serious enough to be a ninja."

"What?! Oh, I am having words with Raphie about this later, that is a whole pile of nonsense!"

"Yeah. Anyway, I told him he's too angry to be a ninja."

"That's not okay either, son." Angelo pulls Mikey closer with his powers. "You guys shouldn't be saying these hurtful things to each other."

"I know." Mikey sounds genuinely regretful, at least. "But then he said I'm gonna get everyone hurt someday, and I said I'm gonna save everyone all the time because they can't imagine stuff to do without me."

"How did this argument start?"

Mikey looks down. "... Leo had a nightmare."

Angelo puts Mikey down completely and sits criss-cross-applesauce. Mikey copies him, still looking down at the floor.

"I heard him sneaking to Pop-Pops room and I followed," Mikey admits. "And Raph and Donnie did too. And we all heard Leo say he had a nightmare where we died."

"Oh, Mikey." Angelo pulls his son into his lap. "Hey, we'd never let that happen, you know that right?"

"Yeah. But Leo said it was all his fault, and-and that he couldn't protect us." Mikey tears up. "And then when we woke up Raph said we should train without Leo and he was really upset. He hit me too hard and we started fighting and-"

Mikey sniffles, leaning into his dad's plastron and hugging him. "I think he wants us to be really good so Leo doesn't worry," Mikey says quietly. "But I don't think he knows how to say it."

"Yeah," Angelo sighs. "I've noticed that about him. ... Look, Mikey, nobody's perfect, and nobody's serious all the time. Being a ninja isn't about not having fun ever, and I think the fact that you do find it fun makes you a very good ninja."

"... It does?"

"Heck yeah it does! You think my razzmatazz comes from serious training? It comes from flash and flair, baby! You can have those without a little bit of fun!"

Mikey laughs. "Yeah. Yeah! And-and Raph said my dance-fight I made up was cool the other day."

"Exactly! He was just in a bad mood, and he didn't express it well. I'll tell Raphie to talk to him about it, okay?"

"Okay."

"And we need to remember that when a fight starts getting out of hand like that, it's time for everyone to back off and take a deep breath."

"But what if I come up with a really good comeback?"

"You can tell me later, or tell Raph later when he's calmed down and knows it's a joke."

"Awww."

"What?"

"... It's kinda funny when he gets mad."

"Mikey. Do you feel good when someone annoys you until you snap?"

"No."

"So do you think Raph does?"

"But he snaps way faster!"

"That doesn't mean he's not just as upset."

"... I guess..."

"Listen. I'm gonna go call Raphie and tell him about this. Do you want to draw something down here while I do that?"

"Okay. ... I'm gonna draw my pet!"

"You have a pet?" Where'd he hide it?

"In my head!" Mikey grins and points to his head. "Her name is Ice Cream Kitty! I'm gonna draw her and let her be real!"

"I bet she'll be great. Okay, be back in a few minutes."

"Okay Dad!"

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Raphie knocks on his son's door. "Hey, Little Man?"

"Come in."

He opens the door and eases it shut again behind him. Raph sits on his bed, flipping through a comic book about superhero vegetables. Raphie takes a deep breath and sits down on the end of his son's bed.

Raph looks up at him. "Dad? Are you okay?"

"Raphie's worried." He's not beating around the bush today. "Angelo told me Leo had a bad nightmare, and it really upset you."

Raph narrows his eyes. "Mikey told you, you mean."

"No, he told his dad, and his dad told me."

Raph crosses his arms, crinkling his comic. "Mikey's a snitch."

"Hey." Raphie reaches out and puts his arm around his son, but doesn't bring him into a hug yet in case he needs space still. "It's okay to be worried."

"Mikey was goofing off!" Raph throws his comic to the floor. "Leo was upset and Mikey was just goofing off about it!"

"Did you tell Mikey it was to make Leo feel better?"

"He should've known! Donnie knew!"

"Mikey likes to cheer Leo up by being silly. You and Donnie like to cheer him up by preparing more. That doesn't mean Mikey doesn't care."

"Leo thought he killed us!" Raph clenches his fits, gritting his teeth as tears form in his eyes. "And he cried to Pop-Pop about it and-and he said he couldn't protect us! Why does he think he has to do that?! I can protect us! I can make sure we can protect him! Leo needs to be okay too! I don't want Leo to die!"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down!" Raphie pulls his son in for the hug, grounding him before he spirals too badly. "Where's this coming from, little buddy?"

Raph is quiet for a long time, and then he lets out a sob. "I had a dream Leo died too."

There it is. Raphie rubs his son's back and waits for him to go on.

"He did it over and over and he didn't even care! He just said he needed to protect us and he died and died and died! And-and when I woke up I heard him and he went and told Pop-Pop he dreamed we died and he can't let that happen and-and that means my dream will come true! And I don't want my big brother to die!"

"He won't," Raphie assures, giving Raph a squeeze. "Your Uncle Leon would never let him do that to himself, and your Uncle Donald would make sure he'd make it through anything that hurt him. Uncle Mikey would rip open a million portals through time to make sure you're all okay."

Raph sobs again, and screams into his dad's arm. "But Leo would try! because he's stupid, and-and pretends to be fearless, and that's stupid because he should be afraid to die and leave us!"

"He should," Raphie agrees. "And I'll talk to Leon about this, I promise. Leo shouldn't think it's up to him to keep all of your guys safe, that's our job."

"He thinks because he's the big brother he has to," Raph growls, still crying and gripping his dad in the tightest hug he can muster.

"When'd you guys decide he's the big brother?"

"He just is."

"Okay."

"But I'm a big brother too," Raph says firmly. "And Mikey and Donnie are little brothers. And I have to make sure we all stay exactly where we should be, but I'm the only one who cares! Leo doesn't care, he just wants everyone else to be okay, but we can't be okay if he isn't okay!"

"I know." Raphie begins rocking as he holds his son. "Boy, does Raphie know. Leon was the same way when he was younger."

"It's his fault?" Raph's voice hardens with anger.

"No!" Raphie shakes his head. "No, he's learned his lesson! That's why I know he'll talk with Leo about it, because he learned his lesson the hard way and doesn't want any of you to go through the same!"

"What if Leo doesn't listen?"

"All we can do is try. ... Maybe you should tell him that you worry about him. Let him know that he's not the only one worrying about everybody. Maybe if he knows you worry too, he'll feel less alone."

"... You think he feels alone?"

"Sometimes." The way Leo lingers after training to practice more, the way he sometimes goes quiet when the other three joke around, the way that ever since they wandered into Big Mama's hotel four years ago he's started telling them where they should and shouldn't go.

"... I don't want him to feel alone." Raph curls up, snuggling deeper into Raph's side. "I do sometimes. I hate it."

"What makes you feel alone?"

"Being angry. ... I'm too angry."

"... You know... there's other people out there who feel angry a lot and don't know why. I do, sometimes."

"You?"

"Yeah! Raph gets really angry and upset when he's alone too long, and it makes him weird. But you know what helps with that kind of thing?"

"What?"

"Talking to someone who knows a lot about it. And Uncle Angelo has some friends in the Hidden City who know about it." Therapy is something they've all done for years, but... he had really been hoping his son would never have to do the same.

Still, it's... not for the same reason. So it's not... he can handle it. He can handle taking his small son to that office, to that room, because he's not there for pain and suffering. Just to learn about himself. Just to learn.

"That sounds nice."

"We can go there soon, bud. But how about we talk to Leo first? I'll be there with you, and so will Uncle Leon."

"... Can we bring Mikey too? ... I yelled at him this morning."

"We can bring Mikey too. Should we bring Donnie when they get home?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Let's call your uncle, then."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Really? I thought he seemed distracted today. Okay, we'll be home soon." Donald turns off his communicator and looks over at his son, who's examining a bundle of wires. He activates his shell and flies over through the junkyard.

Donnie is looking between the wires and the drawing he and Shelldon made together last week. Shelldon, while only a program in a phone for now, had quickly bonded with his 'younger brother'. It's a bit of an intimidating thought, the two of them teamed up. They're both so much like Donald himself, in so many ways.

"So," Donald says, and Donnie groans and lowers his head. "What?

"That's your 'we need to talk' so," Donnie grumbles, putting the wires in his bag.

"Yes, it is. Raphie told me Leo had a nightmare, it upset Raph, and he and Mikey had a fight."

"Yeah." Donnie's little hand shakes as he digs through the pile. "And Leo won't have any more nightmares soon."

"What makes you so sure?"

Donnie hands over the drawing. "He can fight for us."

Donald looks at the drawing. It's a stout robot, angular and simple, not unlike the Shelldon blueprints that made Donnie have his first truly big tantrum a whole decade ago.

A whole decade. Suddenly Donald feels ancient.

"That's a good idea," Donald says, looking back up. "But I don't think Leo will accept it."

"He should." Donnie picks out a piece of an old motherboard. It looks like completely useless garbage to Donald, but Donnie pockets it. "I'm going to fix it for him, and... and then it'll be okay. That's what science does, right? It makes things okay. Makes them make sense."

Donald nods... and then Donnie sniffles. And wipes his eyes.

Oh dear.

"Son?" Donald hovers closer and picks Donald up, setting him down and then lowering to his knees so they're face-to-face. "Science is a wonderful, beautiful thing. She's a fascinating mistress who can consume your every thought for hours on end. But she can't make everything perfect."

Donnie sniffles and wipes his eyes again. "Why not?"

"Nothing can perfect, Donnie. Even I, genius of the ages, am always looking back on old projects and seeing ways to improve them, or things I could have done better."

"Metalhead will fight for us so Leo doesn't have to get hurt."

"That's a fantastic goal. But Leo will keep fighting anyway."

"Why?"

"Because he's his father's son, and his father is my twin, and I know him far too well. They don't see things the way we do most of the time."

"Sometimes they do," Donnie sniffles. "Sometimes he thinks more than I do, and sometimes I jump at things before he does, and he knows better. I-I don't want him to get hurt because I do something I shouldn't and he knew better and-"

"Donatello." Donald puts both of his hands on his son's shoulders. They're huge around him, but that just means Donnie feels safe and cocooned. "genius comes from learning, from everything. That includes mistakes. If you make a bad decision, and Leo stops you, what does that mean?"

"... Don't do that next time?"

"Exactly."

"But-but he'll still be hurt-"

"But that won't be your fault. We operate based on all of our best knowledge, and we operate based on chemical reactions in our brains. When you and Draxum work on your chemical projects together, and you accidentally add too much of one compound to another and it explodes, does Draxum blame you?"

"No." Donnie shakes his head. "We note it down, and we don't do that again."

"Right. And when it explodes when neither of you expected it, does he blame you if he gets hurt?"

"No. But-but if he does know and I do it anyway-"

"When he does know and you do it anyway, what happens?"

"I get in trouble."

"And?"

"And... and he doesn't let me sit by the chemicals without supervision."

"And?"

"... Um..."

"And," Donald says, "He treats his injury, and invites you to work with him again the next day. Donnie, listen to me. Never beat yourself up over not making the absolute perfect decision every single time you're faced with on. You know who used to do that?"

"... I-I don't know."

"Uncle Leon." Donald nods as Donnie's eyes go wide. "He thought because he wasn't perfect, he was a bad leader. He started being bad at it on purpose so he wouldn't have to be anymore. He made a lot of mistakes in that time. We got hurt, all of us. Badly. But you know what happened after?"

"... You got better?"

"We got better. And he learned. And he's been a very good leader ever since."

"... What if I don't know something... and... and we can't get better because I didn't know it?"

"Well..." Donald blows out a breath. "Well... you have to learn to accept it. And it will hurt for a very long time, and never fully go away. And you learn to live with it."

"How?"

"... I don't know." Donald takes his hands off of Donnie's shoulders and looks at the robot drawing again. And he sees Shelldon, and all of his old tech, and he sees The Shredder tearing it all apart, and he sees rubble, and he sees Karai buried and twitching but still trying her best to protect them, and he sees all of his tech and knowledge failing to make a difference-

"But you do." He nods to himself. "You learn to move on, because there's more to do. You accept, you learn from what happened, and you do everything you can so it never happens again."

"... What if it does?"

"... Then you keep trying. And you... might never get there. But that's not your fault." Donald looks into Donnie's eyes. "It's not. You can do everything right, and still fail. So all that matters in the end is that you did the best you could."

Donnie thinks for a long, long time. Long enough that Donald's phone buzzes, probably Raphie asking where they are.

"Is it still okay to be afraid of that?" Donnie asks quietly.

"Yes." Donald stands. "It's always okay to fear failure, as long as it doesn't stop you from trying. Science is all about trying."

Donnie is quiet again, and then reaches up to hold his dad's hand. "Can... can we go see Leo? ... I think... I think I need to talk to him. Before I make him a robot. I want to try that first."

"Now that is truly brave," Donald sighs heavily. "Emotional conversations. You're braver than I, my young son."

Donnie grins up at him with his little gap-toothed smile. "Does that mean I can build our go-karts?"

"Not until we find you helmets."

"Aww..."

"... Which... I can have Auntie April do tomorrow. As a reward for the conversation we're all about to have."

Donnie grins again.

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Leon worries about the burden his son is taking onto himself.

Angelo worries about how his son works with his brothers.

Raphie worries about the way his son is trying to be a Team without telling his team anything.

Donald worries about his son not being able to work through his anxieties of failure.

There's a good way to check how severe each of these issues are.

But it can wait.

First, group family therapy.

Then... the boys' first patrol.

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt #tmnt crossover #tmnt fic #tmnt fanfiction #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic #reincarnated au

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grcndiose · 11 months

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[ luke pasqualino, he/him , cismale ] — was that ALONZO DE LUCA? the TWENTY EIGHT year old is a HIRE ARM / BODYGUARD, how exciting to see them this season! rumors have it they are COURAGEOUS and JOCULAR, but i’ve heard they are SELF-SERVING and MERCILESS as well — maybe that’s why they’ve been called the OPPORTUNIST . I have even heard that HE USED TO BE IN A NOTORIOUS GANG OF MERCENARIES —only time will tell.

THREADS | MIRROR | MUSINGS | WC | PINTEREST

gonna try to keep it somewhat short for my sake lol refer to the bottom for a summary <3

🗡️ BASICS

nicknames — lonnie, onzo

mbti — istp

zodiac — aries

sexuality — pansexual

d.o.b — april 3rd

p.o.b — some whorehouse in italy

🗡️ FAMILY

father : unknown

mother : giana de luca ( deceased )

siblings : domenico de luca ( younger brother // deceased ), allegra de luca ( younger sister )

🗡️ STORY

its not often that someone grows up and chooses to become a mercenary. that line of work tends to come from having no other option at all and for alonzo that was very much the case. his mother was a sex worker, father was absent. that didn’t leave alonzo or his siblings with many options for their future.

he wasn’t smart enough to become a scholar, wasn’t noble enough to become a soldier, wasn’t talented enough to become a creative. the one thing that alonzo was good at… was fighting.

taught himself, actually. from fists to sticks to actual blades. that’s the thing about not having a fancy tutor – all the skills he gained came from real-life or death situations.

he and his brother were in their teens when they left home, off to find less-than-desirable ways to make money. that’s where his rumor comes in.

alonzo made his way to britain for a fresh start a few years ago. the only contact he has is his sister. thankfully she was the one de luca sibling to have any actual brains, so instead of committing to a hard life of crime and murder with her siblings she decided to use her pretty looks to marry a wealthy merchant. alonzo and allegra still communicate via letters.

🗡️ RUMOR HAS IT

anyone looking for intel on him would come to find out just how dirty his past is. that mercenary group he ran with did everything from mugging to assassinations. he only quit that lifestyle when his younger brother got caught up in a complication and ended up losing his life because of it.

🗡️ PERSONALITY

a smug son of a bitch — knows that he’s good at what he does. and he’s pretty? how could he not have an ego lol.

not a man of honor and he doesn’t pretend to be. what alonzo lacks in manners he more than makes up in prowess. actions speak louder than words.

that doesn't mean he isn't able to talk his way out of situations if need be. now that he's working with upper society instead of against them, alonzo knows the importance of being 'agreeable' enough

doesn’t believe in doing things out of the kindness of his heart. always has to have some sort of motive, the most common one being money lol. want to order him around? you better throw some coins his way.

he isn’t the type to go out of his way to stir shit either though. he’s way past his petty thievery and crime-committing ways. instead of robbing a noble blind, now he just has to promise to protect them.

a man ( derogatory ) so he says and thinks some out-of-pocket shit.

streets smart not books smart. doesn’t know how to read or appreciate the fine arts.

loves to whore around when he isn’t on duty lol

🗡️ PLOTS

gold — his current employer! would love for this to become a best friend type of deal! that the two speak very candidly with one another behind closed doors. maybe they even give him a lil training on how to speak to high society lol

steel — someone who had hired alonzo for a job before. maybe it was a one-off job, maybe it was something the employer would very much like to keep under wraps, maybe they went their separate ways after their relationship took a less professional note? something spicy !

iron — someone he offended. someone who hates his guts and thinks that he is just the most vulgar man to walk the planet.

cobalt — working-class friends! people he feels comfortable talking shit about the upper class with. if they are business owners maybe he hangs around their establishment when he should be running errands and shit lol

titanium — someone treat him like the lil homewrecking slag he is and put him in an affair pls and thank you

IN SUMMARY : alonzo is just a man who is very aware of where he stands in the world — with the crooks and bastards of the ninety-nine percent. not a man of much depth, believes it's a dog-eat-dog world and only the most vicious ones make it out. has very little respect for the upper class but will do anything they ask of him… for the right price.

inspired by ➔ bronn ( game of thrones ), reggie mantle ( riverdale ), noah puckerman ( glee ), ryuk ( death note ), flynn ryder ( tangled ), hector barbossa ( pirates of the caribbean )

#wdintro #one intro down! another to go #tw: mention of crimes #tw: mention of death

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iltaimpi · 8 months

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{I ought to draw the Twins soon. If only obligations weren't in my way.}

{Well, until I draw them fully, here's them in the background of this image:

Nero and Laurie Bousfield, also known as the Bousfields, Bousfield twins, or simply The Twins, are two young Stand Users April has the misfortune of being housed with. They're around 11 years old, both orphans, and both suffer delusions despite their age - the things that having a Stand and a fucked-up backstory will do to your psyche, am I right? In any case, I don't know who the fuck's supposed to be taking care of these kids (April included), but they're not doing a very good job of it since April seems to be the one trying to control these two.

Nero, pictured on the left, and Laurie, pictured on the right, have an interest in causing trouble, horror movies, Disney, and scaring the absolute fuck out of April.

Nero's Stand is also pictured above, holding the broken toaster. Named 「Rotting Fantasyland」, it is a small humanoid Stand whose main ability is simply to cause any tech to malfunction; that is, to make any technological device function in any way it's not meant to be functioning; which in essence gives him great control over technology. Nero likes to use this ability just to mess with people, particularly if he can use it to scare someone - like turning the lights off to get closer to someone before the lights go back on, horror-movie style.

Nero himself is a very odd and somewhat antisocial boy. He ofttimes deludes himself, and seems to believe himself to be very powerful and dangerous. He finds entertainment in tormenting and scaring others, and is protective of but harsh towards his sister. Has a morbid interest in taking innocent things– such as children’s characters– and twisting them into something dubious. Tends to act condescending towards others, and if he ever feels disadvantaged or endangered, he will do everything to invert those feelings to emulate superiority and power. He believes himself to be possessed by demons or cursed—but not by 「Rotting Fantasyland」, which he knows is a Stand. Sometimes he carries small devices to use as improvised explosives or fire projectiles in an emergency situation.

Laurie is a bit odd, but less antisocial than her brother. Her delusions seem to manifest in mainly the form of paranoia, believing herself to be infested or possessed, and being somewhat neurotic as a result. She doesn’t know what it is, but she is absolutely convinced there is something inside of her, feeding off her life energy. Though outwardly calm, she tends to get rather jittery the longer she’s away from home. She often talks very casually about things that could go wrong or how the person she’s talking to could possibly kill her. She does not avoid people, however, and treats this dread and paranoia as an average everyday occurrence. Tends to do things even if they cause her more anxiety, but complains about pain quite easily—even if it’s nonexistent. Believes her brother to be as dangerous as he claims to be. Usually nicer to others than him, though.

Her Stand, not pictured, is (as of this moment) called 「Cracknight」. It has an ability in thematic contrast to 「Rotting Fantasyland」, it replaces organic bits with other organic constituents. This is typically done in the fashion of, for example, exchanging a leaf for a lung. A leaf doesn’t match the size of a lung, but when this is done, a lung crafted of leaves will replace the lung, which will be removed from the body in the process. Over time, assuming no further damage is done, the leaf-heart will begin to turn into what is functionally a real heart. This comes with a drawback: her fucking bones. Her health is shit and she constantly has to replace failing parts with other constituents using her Stand... and, given her paranoia, perhaps she replaces things when it's not exactly necessary.

}

#ilta puhuu #jjba oc #fan character #jojo oc #jjba fan stand #jjba fan character #fanstands #The Bousfield Twins #Laurie Bousfield #Nero Bousfield

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g00ngala · 1 year

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hi hannah. drop ur rise opinions if u haven't already by the time u see this. or just general tmnt opinions. xoxo

OH HENRY I CAN ALWAYS RELY ON YOU

this is gonna have to be under a cut too i have a lot . I'll do rise specific opinions bc I have so many opinions all the time so send an ask if you want other tmnt opinions

one: THE "CANON" HEIGHT CHART IS AWFUL.

this is the most ridiculous height chart i have ever seen. As a person who is in real life 4'9. APRIL IS NOT 4'8. she looks like she is of average height compared to other humans around her, and when you are below 4'10 it is NOTICEABLE and in fact it's very rare you'll meet anyone who is shorter than you that isn't significantly younger than you. also in this picture her proportions are off anyways? her body is usually slightly bigger. donnie is smaller than he should be in this picture and you can tell because he's roughly leo's size and both his head and plastron appear to be smaller than leo's which to me indicates they made his sprite smaller so he'd appear shorter. mikey's heels aren't even lined up correctly in the picture and he appears taller than april in it even though the numbers say he's shorter. this chart really seems like they picked 6'0 for the raph height because it seemed like a tall enough height and based all the other heights off that regardless of whether it makes any sense. i sincerely doubt that this was made by the creators of the show, despite being "official". it's just a lazy tweet from some social media manager for engagement and I refuse to acknowledge it.

two: PEOPLE ARE WEIRD ABOUT SPLINTER. HE IS NOT A BAD FATHER. it's like camila noceda all over again. splinter in rise is a complicated and intentionally flawed but good person. he's not nearly as neglectful as fans portray him to be. most people cite the demolition derby episode as proof, but to me this doesn't say that splinter neglects his kids. what's going on in that episode is that as his children outgrow what he can typically provide, he is losing his ability to relate to them and he's trying less hard to actively spend time with them as they become more independent. this is especially with donnie because donnie's interests are not typically something he can meaningfully engage in. additionally, due to his upbringing he doesn't really understand that donnie is the kind of kid that needs out loud explicit praise, so he doesn't typically give it. what donnie expresses in that episode is that he does enjoy spending time with his dad, and that he needs that kind of reassurance about his worth. splinter responds to this, and adjusts his behavior because he cares enough to make active changes for his sons. people also point to raph and say that he had to raise his siblings/ was parentified which is honestly baseless. raph doesn't really start getting that whole complex about protecting the team until mid-late season 2 when he is the leader of a vigilante team and their lives are being threatened. in the early season 1 episodes and in flashbacks he's clearly just as much of a dumb kid as the rest of them, and it wasn't splinter's parenting that made him grow up too fast but instead the world ending threats that were trying to take out the people he cares about.

also stare at these images for a half hour minimum and tell me he's neglectful. that's right shut up HE LOVES HIS BOYS HE DESTROYED THE ANCIENT SCROLLS WHEN THEY TOLD HIM TO LET HIS SONS BE MARTYRS HE ALWAYS JUMPS IN TO FIGHT WHEN THE THREAT IS SERIOUS BE QUIET!!! y'all really cannot handle it when parents of color show any signs of being complicated people on tv

okay NUMBER 3: nearly every single fanon portrayal of casey jones jr makes my blood boil. people are so much more interested in recreating the dynamics from the bad timeline than actually exploring how casey would interact with the others post movie. first of all he's not one of the youngest if you look at his design and his behavior and think about it for 2 seconds he's obviously meant to be around april's age. secondly the reason he calls present leo sensei at the end of the movie is because he's reliving the very recent loss of the leo he looked up to not because he sees current leo as a mentor. if you watch the scene where he yells at current leo, he's obviously taking on an authoritative role in the conversation where leo looks more like a child being scolded. also casey has FACIAL HAIR HE'S NOT 15. point is let casey jones jr be the strange and off putting college aged weird older brother he was always meant to be amen

#OK IM DONE. THANK YOU HENRY #henry tag #hannah.txt #✉️

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waterfiltergurus · 11 months

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Is Savannah Water Safe to Drink in [year]? (According to Data)

Is tap water safe to drink in Savannah, Georgia? Where does Savannah get its drinking water? And are there any contaminants in Savannah's drinking water that are present in concentrations exceeding EPA standards? Find out in this guide to Savannah's water safety and quality. 📌 Key Takeaways: - The tap water in Savannah, Georgia is considered generally safe to drink. - There are 17 contaminants in Savannah's drinking water, but all of these contaminants are present in trace amounts that don't exceed the EPA's maximum allowances. - The 2 biggest problem contaminants in Savannah tap water are radium and disinfection byproducts. 🚰 Can You Drink Savannah Tap Water? Yes, it's safe to drink the tap water in Savannah, Georgia because the City's water utilities treat the water to reduce its concentration of contaminants and kill microorganisms. Savannah's water complies with legal limits established by the Environmental Protection Agency under the Safe Drinking Water Act (SDWA). Plus, the most recent EPA ECHO database for Savannah-Main (the City's primary water utility) shows that no health-based violations were made by the utility between April 30, 2019 and June 30, 2022. That means that the water is, from a legal standpoint, safe to drink. However, being legally safe isn't the same as being clean and pure. At concentrations below EPA maximum allowances, regulated contaminants aren't considered harmful to health. However, some organizations, like the Environmental Working Group (EWG), believe that even at low levels, these contaminants may have health effects, and that the EPA's maximum allowances are too lenient. The EWG has produced Health Guidelines, which are based on the organization's own research and are much stricter than the EPA regulations. According to the EWG Tap Water Database for the Savannah - Main utility (which supplies the majority of the City's population with water), 8 contaminants were present in concentrations exceeding the EWG Health Guidelines. We've shared more about these contaminants later in this guide. What else should you know about the safety of Savannah's tap water? Lead is a contaminant that can significantly affect drinking water safety. This toxic heavy metal is particularly dangerous because it may enter water after the treatment plant, as it travels through old lead-laced pipes to our homes. The good news is that Savannah Water Resources reports that no detectable lead was found in the City's water supply, and that the water distribution system is made from ductile iron and PVC - not lead. However, that doesn't mean that your water is guaranteed to be lead-free. If your home was built between 1970 to 1985, there's a likelihood that your own plumbing system is made from lead, which could leach into your water. 🗺️ Where Does the Tap Water in Savannah Come From? Tap water in Savannah, Georgia comes from two sources: the Floridan Aquifer and one of Savannah River's tributaries: Abercorn Creek. The Floridan Aquifer is an underground water source, meaning that it supplies groundwater, and is located 800 to 1,000 feet beneath ground level. The aquifer is separated from the surface of the earth by a thick layer of clay, and water is pumped to the surface from around 130 wells. Abercorn Creek is a surface water source, meaning that the water flows on ground level. The reason why Abercorn Creek is also used for Savannah's water supply is that the Floridan Aquifer is heavily used by nearly 10 million people already, and there's a real risk of saltwater intrusion because water is being drawn from the aquifer at a faster rate than it can be replenished. So, even though groundwater sources like the Floridan Aquifer are preferable because water is naturally filtered by the rocks and requires less treatment, surface water sources like the Savannah River tributaries are just as necessary for supplying the City with a constant water supply. Around 18% of Savannah's water is supplied by Abercorn Creek. Water collected from the Savannah River is treated at the Savannah Industrial & Domestic (I&D) Water Treatment Plant. This water treatment plant currently treats around 35 million gallons of drinking water each day, but it's large enough to treat up to 62.5 million gallons per day - so the City is well prepared for the eventual likelihood that the Savannah River will be relied upon more heavily for its water supply. This treated water (and water from the Floridan Aquifer) can then be pumped around Savannah to homes and businesses in the distribution system. Source: United States Geological Survey (USGS) 📉 Who Regulates Savannah Drinking Water? The City of Savannah's drinking water is managed by the Savannah-Main water utility and is regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and Georgia's Board of Natural Resources. The EPA has produced regulations for drinking water contaminants, including maximum allowances for certain contaminants with known health effects. These maximum allowances are known as Maximum Contaminant Levels (MCLs), and all water utilities must reduce the contaminants in their water down to these concentrations. To ensure compliance with these EPA regulations, the Savannah-Main water utility continuously tests its drinking water, performing over 120,000 tests for over 150 water parameters per year. Georgia's Board of Natural Resources is responsible for conserving Savannah's drinking water sources and protecting the health of the people who use the water. 🧪 Savannah Annual Water Quality Report The most recent annual Water Quality Report for the Savannah-Main water utility is the 2022 Report that documents data from January to December 2021. Annual Consumer Confidence Reports are a legal requirement under the Safe Drinking Water Act, and you should receive a copy of your Report via email or post once a year. This Report shares useful information on the utility's water source, treatment method, testing, and distribution. There's also a drinking water analysis table that highlights the contaminants found in the City's water system, and how these concentrations compare to EPA maximum allowances. The good news is that none of the contaminants in Savannah's drinking water exceed any of the EPA's legal limits. However, you might prefer to drink pure water that's completely free from contaminants. For instance, 101 PPB (parts per billion) of total trihalomethanes (TTHMs) was detected in the City's tap water, and while this amount meets drinking water standards, you probably don't want to drink even trace amounts of this cancer-causing disinfection byproduct. Some of the contaminants detected in the Savannah water supply include: - Chlorine - Fluoride - TTHMs - Haloacetic acids - Lead - Copper - Manganese - Bromide Read through the Report and make a note of the contaminants you're concerned about. If you don't want to drink certain trace contaminants in your water, you can consider installing a water filtration system in your home. You can also compare this Report to previous Water Quality Reports by requesting copies of these Reports from your water utility. ☣️ Contaminants Found Above Guidelines in Tap Water in Savannah, Georgia It's good to know that none of the contaminants in Savannah water are present at levels that exceed EPA MCLs, which should mean that they're unable to cause negative health effects at these low levels. However, if you believe that the EPA's MCLs are too lenient, then you'll probably be interested to know which drinking water contaminants exceed the Environmental Working Group's non-enforceable Heath Guidelines. These contaminants are: Haloacetic acids (HAA5)† and Haloacetic acids (HAA9)† Two common disinfection byproducts are haloacetic acids (HAA5)† and haloacetic acids (HAA9)†. These disinfection byproducts increase cancer risk when they're found in large quantities in water. 0.797 PPB and 2.70 PPB (parts per billion) of HAA5 and HAA9 were detected in the Savannah water system - between 8 and 45x the EWG's Health Guideline of 0.1 PPB and 0.06 PPB. The EPA currently only regulates HAA5, which has a legal limit of 60 PPB. Radium (-226 & -228) There are two types of radium detected in Savannah, Georgia water: radium-226 and radium-228. Radium is a drinking water contaminant that has several health effects, including cancer and anemia, when present in large amounts. 0.31 pCi/L (picoCurie per liter) of radium combined was detected in Savannah tap water - much lower than the EPA's MCL of 5 pCi/L but 6.2x the EWG's Health Guideline of 0.05 pCi/L. Total trihalomethanes (TTHMs)† Another disinfection byproduct found in Savannah's drinking water is total trihalomethanes (TTHMs), known to damage the kidneys and liver and increase cancer risk in large quantities. 4.52 PPB of TTHMs were detected in Savannah's water - not exceeding the EPA's legal limit of 80 PPB but 30x the EWG's recommended Health Guideline of 0.15 PPB. Other Disinfection Byproducts Other disinfection byproducts, including bromodichloromethane, chloroform, dibromoacetic acid, and dibromochloromethane, were also detected in Savannah's water system. These disinfection byproducts increase the risk of various cancers and may cause other health problems, including organ damage. Between 0.121 PPB and 1.36 PPB of these contaminants were detected - that's 3-20x the EWG's recommended Health Guidelines. There is currently no EPA enforcement for the majority of disinfection byproducts. Like many city water supplies in the US, the water in Savannah, Georgia has the biggest issue with disinfection byproducts. These chemicals are a common outcome of chlorine disinfection, which is popular in drinking water treatment because: - It's cheap - It's easily accessible If you're concerned about any of the contaminants detected in your water supply, and you want to improve drinking water quality at home, look into installing a filtered water system. 🧫 Main Contaminants Found in Savannah Tap Water So, now we know which contaminants are present in Savannah's water in amounts that may be dangerous according to the Environmental Working Group. But what about the rest? Some of the contaminants detected in acceptable levels (according to both the EPA and the EWG) in Savannah drinking water are: - Aluminum - A non-essential and non-toxic metal that gets into water when it's added at the treatment plant or when it leaches from rocks in the environment; high concentrations may cause vomiting, diarrhea, and arthritic pain. - Fluoride - A naturally occurring mineral that many water utilities (including Savannah) produce synthetically and add to water to prevent tooth decay; low levels have no health effects apart from dental fluorosis (tooth discoloration, most likely in children). - Other disinfection byproducts, including bromoform, dichloroacetic acid, and trichloroacetic acid - All occur as a result of chlorine disinfection; no official EPA legal limit for most of these byproducts despite their link to an increased risk of cancer and other health effects. - Manganese - A water hardness mineral that affects water quality by causing soap scum and mineral deposits; healthy and not dangerous in low levels in drinking water. - Molybdenum - A nutrient needed by plants and animals; safe in low levels in water. - Strontium - A mineral and drinking water contaminant that may naturally occur or occur due to mining deposits; is beneficial in small amounts but very high levels may cause nerve and brain problems, hair loss, and brittle nails. - Total chromium - Both types of chromium: the cancer-causing chromium-6 and the non-harmful chromium-3. ⛲ Savannah Drinking Water in Public Places The drinking water in public places in Savannah, such as restaurants, bars, and hotels, is supplied by the municipal water utility, so it's the same water that comes out of your taps at home. That means it's safe to drink this water - in the majority of cases. A restaurant should offer you unfiltered tap water for free on your request, but this isn't a legal requirement, so some restaurants might turn you down. The same goes for bars - you'll usually always get tap water on request, especially with an alcohol order. Most hotels in Savannah also have clean, safe drinking water in their rooms. The exception is very old hotels with lead bathroom fixtures. There should be a clear sign or warning if the bathroom tap water isn't safe to drink. Bottled water is always an option if you don't want to drink public water in Savannah. You can buy bottled water from any supermarket or grocery store in the City. Continue Reading: - Easy-to-Follow Guide for Testing Water Quality at Home - Top US States with the Best Tap Water in : Rankings and Analysis 💬 Frequently Asked Questions Where does Savannah get its drinking water? Savannah gets its drinking water from two sources: the Floridan Aquifer (a groundwater source) and Abercorn Creek (a surface water source and a tributary of the Savannah River). Ideally, the City's entire water supply would be from the Floridan Aquifer, which is cleaner and requires less treatment. However, due to supply issues, the City must also take water from the Savannah River to provide enough water to meet demand. Is tap water good in Savannah? Yes, the tap water is good in Savannah. The Savannah water supply is treated to reduce contaminants down to concentrations below the EPA MCLs. However, organizations like the Environmental Working Group believe that the EPA's maximum allowances for certain contaminants are too lenient, and that these contaminants are dangerous even at trace levels. Is the Savannah River still polluted? Yes, from what we can find, the Savannah River is likely still contaminated. A 2018 report showed that over 70% of Savannah River was likely contaminated, with potential sources of contamination including mercury, lead, and other pollutants. Is it safe to drink sink water in Georgia? Yes, it's safe to drink sink water in Georgia as long as the sink is connected to the municipal water supply and is made from food-grade ingredients. Don't drink from an old sink or from a bathroom sink that could be contaminated with lead, copper, or other harmful heavy metals. It's best to buy bottled water if you're unsure. Does Savannah have hard or soft tap water? Savannah has an average calcium hardness reading of 57 PPM (parts per million), which puts it in the "slightly hard" category. That means you're unlikely to experience major problems with hard water, but you might notice some scale buildup around your home's plumbing and fixtures. Is Savannah drinking water fluoridated? Yes, the water treated in the Savannah Main system is fluoridated. Fluoride is a mineral that protects the tooth enamel and reduces dental costs, which is why it's produced synthetically and added to most public water supplies in the US. However, some people protest the use of fluoride in water because it may cause dental fluorosis (staining of the teeth) and other, more dangerous health effects. Is chlorine added to Savannah water? Yes, chlorine is added to Savannah's drinking water for disinfection purposes. Chlorine is the most commonly used disinfectant because it's affordable and widely available, but it's known to produce harmful disinfection byproducts, so it's not as safe as chemical-free disinfection methods. Read the full article

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ocean-anchored · 1 year

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Dear future self… April 17, 2023

Ok wow what a week.

I’m really in my yes phase of life. I’m also in a phase I’ve never been in where I have way too many people that actually want to hang out with me. While I have to admit to loving the “attention” & care people have for me, I’m slowly loosing it. I swear when I’m back from Jamaica I’ve got to slow it down. I find my once a week “4 hours if I’m lucky” of quiet time to myself definitely isn’t enough time for me to rejuvenate. I mean honestly it’s something else when I have so many people asking to make plans, I literally have desired that for so many years. Like literal years. It’s just too much that I barley have time for self care & not as much time as I want for God

Went for sushi with Amber & Naythan last week, Jeremiah asked me to a movie (with his roomie so it wasn’t a real date settle down) but I ended up passing cause my week was booked & I needed some downtime. Went to the flames game with Amber, Naythan & a bunch of their friends which was so much fun. Amber is literally my soul sister, we are too much fun together. I watched Theo for an evening & Dustin came over for a puzzle which was really nice & refreshing. I have been wanting to get into puzzling so bad so it was a perfect start.

Went to the roughnecks game with John & my “yes” era continued. We were walking to my car & got vip for cowboys which I would always say no but said why the heck not it was only 9:30. Ended up running into Mac smith which was funny, only stayed a short time and went to courtyard for pool. That ended up being really great. John had a bunch of friends he knew but he also got super drunk. These two guys Sam & Charlie were there just killing everyone in pool. Man was charlie ever a babe. The most mysterious & enticing man I’ve seen in a long time ugh. He ended up staying the entire night & near the end we had such a great intimate & deep conversation about life & relationships & self awareness. He was stupid & said he waited around all night (he was supposed to leave when they got beat in pool which was hours before & I joked around wondering how he was still here) which he said was because he waited for “this moment” to talk to me & connect. I laughed. He did really love my eyes though. But part of me definitely doesn’t trust men that gorgeous haha but regardless, it was a super special moment & because John was being waaaay too “protective” & clearly trying to act like we were together, he didn’t ask for my number which again is totally fine. That moment will hold a little place in my memories. Meanwhile this other guy Justin & his friend Jerry were there played & he was super flirty also. Older which I’m realizing that the older, less games & shit is played and much more honest & upfront which is so refreshing. Anyways he did ask to take me out & got my number. Cute. It was a fun night truly & stayed out way too late for being sober. Continued.... another week because this was saved in my drafts. I ended up going to Justin's place for dinner where he made me a real nice steak dinner. Sometimes I think man if only I could just bring myself to date just anyone, he'd be great. Just like Mitch. Genuine, great guys but they're not christian and I know I couldn't do it. It was a nice evening, he's got his own house, he did a lot of really nice upgrades, his own framing company, his own life. He's set. Just like Mitch is that it could be so easy to just fit in but it's too bad. Makes me hope that there is someone christian like them, good genuine dudes. I met Jeremiah at the park again that week and then pet sit Theo again. Went for drinks with Sasha at Major Tom which was great. I do really enjoy her, sometimes though I still feel there's something missing but I do enjoy her company, I found out she also smokes weed so I mean there's another thing haha. Went to Jeremiah's for movie night with Steven, amanda and Christian. That was lovely as usual. It's funny, near the end of the evening (it's funny how I'm always sitting beside him for these movie nights) he got Theo to come lay down between us and we were both cuddling him. It was cute. Felt like a little moment but I got to keep that out of my head.

Then prep time for Jamaica!!

#weekly update #dear future self #journaling #life update

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aakarshita04 · 1 year

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How Inflation Works in the UK

Inflation in the United Kingdom is a hot topic. Whether it's about food prices, energy prices, or even house prices, the issue is one that has a lot of people talking. It's also one that has people wondering how inflation works, and what the forecasts are for it in the future. Fortunately, it's easy to find answers to these questions.

House price inflation

House price inflation in the UK has been increasing since the financial crisis. This has been partly thanks to hundreds of billions of pounds of new money that the banks had injected into the economy before the crisis, but also due to high borrowing costs and a lack of supply.

The UK economy is teetering on the edge of recession. And it looks as though the housing market might be on the verge of a downturn. According to Nationwide, a major mortgage lender, household budgets are likely to be squeezed in the coming months, which could hamper house price increases.

The UK economy is largely dependent on a strong housing market, but a weak one is likely to hit many sectors. Although the UK has been on a steady rise since the financial crisis, it looks as though the rate of growth is slowing down, with the cost of living expected to get worse.

Food prices

Food prices in the UK are rising at the fastest rate in the last 40 years, according to the Office for National Statistics. In August, food inflation hit 10.6 per cent. The rate is expected to remain high through the rest of the year.

Andy King, the consumer price inflation production manager at the ONS, explains that the price rises are a result of a number of factors. For example, energy costs are rising, and the war in Ukraine has increased the cost of manufacturing and transportation.

He also says that the EU has become less competitive, meaning that British produce will be affected. This has led to an increase in the cost of staples such as meat and dairy.

As a result, food prices in the UK have risen by an average of 13% over the past three years. However, there are some foods which are still cheaper in the UK than their international counterparts.

Energy prices

The UK inflation rate hit a 41-year high of 11.1% in October, fueled by colossal increases in energy prices. In response to the price rises, the government has launched a plan to protect households from rising bills.

The Energy Price Guarantee is designed to shield the average household from paying PS2,500 or more on its energy bills each year. It will also ensure that businesses pay the same for a period of six months. However, the level of the guarantee will change from April 2023, increasing the price cap from PS2,500 to PS3,000 for a typical household.

Energy prices continue to rise, and the UK inflation rate has reached a 41-year high. The increase is due to increased wholesale and retail gas and electricity prices. This will lead to lower real wages and reduce real GDP.

Consumer price index (CPI)

The Consumer Price Index is a measure of inflation in the UK. It is calculated monthly and measures the change in price of a basket of goods. A separate index is also produced for age groups and demographics.

In July, the biggest jump in food prices in 40 years helped to push British inflation back into double digits for the first time since 2008. Energy costs meanwhile continued to drive up household bills.

Although the Consumer Price Index is a great indicator of inflation, there are some important differences between the CPI and the Retail Price Index. RPI was the standard measure of inflation in the UK for many years, but it's being phased out.

The consumer price index is a measure of inflation that's calculated by the Office for National Statistics. It's not a precise measurement, but it's better than nothing.

Forecasts

The UK economy shrank during the third quarter. Despite the recent easing of price pressures, the economy is still facing the threat of further recession.

While inflation rates in the US and Europe are calming down, Britain's Consumer Price Index (CPI) is expected to rise to more than 12% by the end of the year. This could mean significant base rate increases from the Bank of England.

However, the Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) forecasts that the CPI will slow to a 3.8% rate by the fourth quarter of 2023. Core services inflation, which excludes volatile components, is projected to sit at slightly over 6% YoY.

In the meantime, the UK's food and non-alcoholic beverages price index has risen for fifteen consecutive months, and the annual rate of CPIH inflation is now the highest since 1990.

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ssahotchhner · 3 years

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hunter, hunted

i should not be so excited about this but i just discovered that when you copy and paste text into a new post tumblr FINALLY allows italics and bolded fonts to be transferred over so I don't have to remember to go through it and do it myself again i could literally CRY rn. ANYWAY I thought it would be fun to write a oneshot like the Profiler, Profiled where Morgan is accused of murder. i created an oc for this one and I hope you love April I've spent a lot of time with her the last couple of weeks (:

words: 13.4k

pairing: hotch x oc

warnings: detailed descriptions of murder and torture and sexual assault

questions comments concerns

“Where’s the weapon, April?”

It was almost laughable. A federal agent handcuffed in an interrogation room being questioned for murder in her small town while visiting a childhood friend. She shakes her head at the detective, laughing. “I carry a gun on me at all times because, as I said, I’m a federal agent. You have it in your possession already. If you want to test it to see if I’ve fired it recently, be my guest. You won’t find anything.”

“You’re right, we won’t find anything because Brandon Perry died from blunt force trauma to the head. So I’ll ask you again, where is the weapon?”

This time, April does laugh. Of course he wasn’t shot. That would be too easy. “You know what, Detective Barnes, if you hadn’t kicked my hotel door down in the middle of the night, handcuffed me and dragged me in here, I may have cooperated with the investigation, but here we are. So I’ll tell you again: my Unit Chief is SSA Aaron Hotchner. I won’t be answering any more questions until I can speak with him.”

The middle aged man glares at her until finally getting up and leaving her alone in the interrogation room. She rested her head on the table and hoped that maybe that stupid motherfucker would listen to her this time.

***

“Hunter has been detained in Bar Harbor, Maine.” Hotch tells the team in the conference room.

JJ frowns, “Isn’t that her hometown? Why has she been arrested?”

“For murder.” Hotch says. Before the team can react, he pulls up a picture of Brandon Perry’s body, “Brandon Perry was found yesterday by a fisherman just off the docks a week after he was released from prison on parole. He had been bludgeoned to death with some sort of blunt object, the M.E. suggests a baseball bat.”

“And why do they think April did this?” Spencer asks.

Hotch clicks a button and a picture of a couple brutally murdered in their bed, a little boy who’s throat had been slashed, and a little girl with brown hair and bright green eyes, alive and well filled the screen, “Because he was serving time for the murders of Addison, Jacob, and Timothy Hunter. April’s family.”

Everyone stares at the monitor in shock, “Her whole family was murdered when she was a kid… and she never mentioned it to us?” Penelope asks, her lower lip trembling.

“April was left relatively unharmed, but she had been sexually assaulted by the assailant. She said he was tall, but he had on a ski mask so she was never able to give solid identification.” Hotch finishes.

“So how’d they connect these murders to Brandon Perry?” Rossi asks.

“He was connected to a couple other home invasions and assaults nearby so he entered a plea deal. The local police were under a lot of pressure to close the case.”

“Breaking into homes to murdering almost an entire family is a big escalation.” Morgan says.

Hotch nods, “I thought so too.”

“April was just a kid,” Prentiss says, “And to go through a trauma like that, I’m sure she believed whatever the police fed her. And to see him be released from prison like that… I hate to say it, but it could have been the trigger.”

Penelope’s shaking her head, “No, no, you guys don’t really think April did this, do you?”

Everyone’s silent for a moment and then Morgan speaks, “Baby girl, if she’s innocent, we’ll prove it. But we can’t rule out the possibility that she did this just yet.”

“I know April hasn’t been here that long,” Garcia says, “But she is still a part of this family. You can all treat her like an unsub, but I won’t.” She finishes and marches out of the conference room.

Aaron sighs, “Wheels up in thirty.” He says resolutely before leaving the room.

***

Hotch walked into the police station, the team at his back and was greeted by a man about April’s age who introduced himself as Detective Fielder. “Detective, I’d like to speak to my agent.” Hotch demanded after shaking the man’s hand.

The man shrugged, “Sorry, sir. My partner’s in there with her. She’s stubborn as hell. I went to school with her, you know it’s a shame the way her family died but… must’ve knocked a screw loose or somethin’. She ain’t ever been the same.”

Aaron thought it over, killers had made their way into the bureau before. Not like this, though. Not under the nose of his whole team. April kept to herself, but she had joined this team less than a year ago, it would be overwhelming for anyone. “You misunderstand, detective. It wasn’t a request. Bring me to my agent.”

Reluctantly, the younger detective brought Hotch to the back of the station where he could already hear another man, older by the sounds of it, screaming at April.

She was staring back at him, her posture relaxed, looking more annoyed than anything. Hotch walked in and she relaxed further, only then letting on that she had been putting on a show of being unbothered for the detective, “Thank God.” April sighs, “I thought maybe they didn’t call you.”

“Are you alright?” He asks her first, unable to explain why hearing another man scream at you had made his blood boil.

“I’m fine,” She says and directs her attention back to the older detective, “Detective Barnes won’t even get me a water, though.”

“Detective Fielder, get April some water.” Hotch demands. He can feel the two men exchange a look behind him before the younger detective leaves the room. “Detective Barnes, uncuff my agent.”

“You can’t let her go, you don’t have jurisdiction here.” He growls.

“I’m not suggesting you let her go, but even if you’re right she committed a one off crime of revenge. She’s not a threat to anyone here. Uncuff her.” The detective glared at April who only smirked at him. “Now, detective.” Aaron said, firmer this time.

With a look of disgust on his face, the detective uncuffed a smiling April as detective Fielder came back in the room with a cup of water. “Thank you, Billy.” April said as the detective placed the cup in front of her. He ignored her completely.

“I’d like to speak to her alone.”

“Like Hell.” Detective Barnes spat.

“With all due respect, detective, it doesn’t appear that you’ve gotten much out of her. You’re welcome to watch through the window, but I will be questioning her. Clear the room.” They stared at each other for another few moments before the detectives both left the room. Hotch turned back to April whose entire demeanor changed. She sighed, relaxing her shoulders and slouching over the table as she rubbed at her wrists where the cuffs had been. The antagonizing behavior Hotch had just witnessed her exhibit completely vanished.

“You don’t help when you antagonize them like that.” Hotch says.

She shrugs, “The men in this town don’t like a woman who thinks she’s his equal. They never liked my attitude. They like it even less now that I outrank them. Either I act like the superior I am, even in cuffs, or they force me into submission.”

He sits down at the table across from her, “Why didn’t you tell me about your family? It wasn’t in your file.”

“Strauss knew.” April says, immediately defensive. She hadn’t lied, the bureau knew.

“But you didn’t want me or the team knowing, why?” She doesn’t answer him, just stares at her hands. “April, I can’t help you if I don’t know.” He says gently.

Finally she looks up and sighs, “When I was twelve my entire family was brutalized and murdered in front of me, but not before the unsub raped me in front of my parents. And I didn’t react the way the people of this town wanted me to. I was twelve and I was covered in semen when he left. So I showered before calling 911. I didn’t cry even once in front of anyone and I never spoke about what happened to anyone, not even the police. Only enough to tell them that I had no idea what he looked like, but I thought he was white.” Her eyes water just slightly and she doesn’t meet his eyes, “For the six years after the murders that I stayed in this town, I know a lot of people thought I did it. That I was some kind of psychopath. So no, I didn’t want it in my file.”

“You thought maybe we’d arrive at the same decision the town did.” Hotch opens the case file, “But you were never tried or even considered a real suspect. There was no physical evidence.”

She smiles sadly, “No physical evidence means nothing to a small town who’s rarely ever seen a scandal, and certainly nothing like this.”

He stares at her for a moment, “And so when Brandon Perry was released from jail, you thought he hadn’t suffered nearly enough so you came back up here and killed him.” April laughs and Hotch can see he’s made her feel antagonistic again, “This isn’t funny, April, you’re a suspect in a homicide.”

“No, Hotch, you don’t understand. It’s funny because I don’t even believe Brandon Perry killed my family and I haven’t believed that for a long long time. Which is why it would make no goddamn sense for me to kill him.”

“That’s bullshit!” The door bursts open and detective Barnes walks in.

“Detective--” Hotch stands as if to shield her and April nearly frowns at how protective he seems to be of her right now. She had seen him this way around the rest of the team, but never her.

“You told Detective Fielder when you were fifteen that you would kill that son of bitch yourself if he ever got out of jail.”

Hotch looks at April with a bit of annoyance, he hated when others had more information than him and from the second he walked in here she kept hiding things from him, not telling him the whole truth.

She lazily rolls her eyes and stares at Billy, “I was fifteen. I was angry. He cooperated with the police so he had the opportunity to get parole after fifteen years? Get his life back after I thought he had ruined mine? Yeah, I said some stupid shit, I think any kid would have.”

“When did you start to doubt that Brandon Perry had killed your family?” Hotch asks, but she’s still shooting daggers at the other detectives, “Agent, eyes here.” He says roughly, growing impatient with her.

Her eyes snap to his, “I used to lurk on support pages for people whose loved ones had been murdered and I remember seeing that this girl described… Almost exactly what had happened to my family, but she said it happened while Brandon was on trial here. She lived a couple towns over.”

“So what did you do?”

She shrugs, “Nothing, I was seventeen, I didn’t have any resources there was nothing I could do.”

Hotch sits down across from her again, leaning over the table so he’s closer to her, “You really expect me to believe, with the conviction you just said Brandon is innocent, that you didn’t look into this further?” She stays quiet and won’t meet his eyes, “I can have Garcia search your desk and computer if you’d rather do this that way.”

She leans back in her chair, rolling her eyes, “Jesus fucking Christ, I’m not a fucking criminal.”

“Then tell me what you know.” Hotch says, voice raised.

“Fine! I started volunteering at the police station so I could get access to files. I was good with the digital databases, but no one else was so they basically gave me free reign. I was able to find three similar cases, all within a couple years of each other but in different cities. One of them, he crossed into New Hampshire. All of the local police departments either arrested someone like Brandon or dismissed it as a one off crime and let it go cold. The files are in my desk drawer at the BAU.”

“You carried them with you all this time?”

She picks at the cuticles around her thumb, something Hotch noticed weeks ago she does when she’s nervous. “I thought… I thought about asking you guys to just look at the case a million times. See if you saw what I saw. And if you didn’t then maybe I could finally move on.”

“So why didn’t you ask?”

Her eyes dart around the room, to the detectives, the one way window, and then back to Hotch, “You guys, the team, you all have… This unbreakable bond and I… I barely just got here and I thought if I’d asked…” She sighs and runs her hands through her hair, “I just… I didn’t think you’d care.”

“The whole team flew out here at the drop of hat for you and you think we wouldn’t care?”

She frowns, “The whole team is here?”

“Yes.”

April sits back in her chair, looking dazed.

“Detectives, you’ll be releasing Agent Hunter from your custody now and since we have reason to believe there’s a serial killer loose and across state lines, we’ll be staying on the case.”

“You don’t really believe anything she’s saying, do you? She’s a psychopath!” Detective Barnes fumed.

Hotch stands and steps to the detective who immediately takes a step back after noticing Hotch’s menacing stance, “She is a federal agent and is no longer a suspect, you have no physical evidence and you just lost motive. You will speak to her with respect and if you don’t think you can handle that I’ll contact your superintendent and have you removed from the case. Is that clear?”

The detective stood back and out of their way, April looking at the ground so Hotch wouldn’t have to yell at her for antagonizing them again.

“What’s the history with you and Billy?” Hotch asks as they walk out of the room.

April rolls her eyes, “He was my high school boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Hotch muses, “You can do better.”

Before she can figure out if he was joking or not, the team realizes she’s walking of her own free will and they seem to all release the tension in their bodies. JJ walks to April first, pulling her into a hug before she can react.

April slowly raises her arms to hug JJ back, “I wish you had told us sooner.” Is all she says.

“I’m sorry you guys came all the way out here.” April addresses the team when JJ moves away from her.

“That’s okay, Hunter, we’re just glad to see you aren’t a murderer.” Morgan teases.

“We might actually be staying here for a while after all.” Hotch says.

Prentiss frowns, “Is there a case here?”

April opens and closes her mouth, “I-- Maybe.”

“Why don’t you call Garcia, ask her to get those files to everyone.” Hotch says to her quietly.

April nods and walks off.

“What’s going on, Hotch?” Rossi asks.

Hotch pushes his hands in his pockets, “The reason we were able to clear Hunter is because she has no motive. She doesn’t believe Brandon Perry killed her family and she hasn’t since she was a teenager.” He pauses, “She thinks the murders may be the work of a serial killer. She found three additional cases nearby, one crosses over to New Hampshire, that she believes are the work of the same unsub.”

Prentiss slowly nods, “And you want us to see if that’s true or not.”

Hotch nods, “I’m sure April would really appreciate our support.”

Everyone on the team is already nodding when April comes back, “So, as Penelope might say… Avengers assemble?” She asks hopefully.

Thankfully, they all laugh and nod, even Hotch cracks a smile, “Great.” April sighs in relief, “Let’s go to the conference room.”

With Garcia on a laptop screen, April tells them everything she knows, which admittedly, isn’t much. However, there are overwhelming similarities between the cases.

“Every family he chose was wife, husband, two kids. The eldest was the daughter all between the ages of 11-13 and in each case the daughter was raped and kept alive.” April was speaking as if she wasn’t speaking about herself and Hotch would be lying if he said it didn’t concern him. “In each case the parents were brutally tortured with a knife, forced to watch the rape and then killed with a fatal gunshot to the head. The boy was always killed first and it was always quick.”

“A mercy kill?” Reid muses.

April sighs, “I’ve never been able to figure that part out. It’s obvious he gets off on the rape and torture of the parents and daughter, but why not leave the boy alive the way he always leaves the daughter if it’s out of mercy?”

“It could be he thinks he’s sparing the boy the pain and trauma of having to go through the after effects of watching his parents and sister tortured.” Prentiss says.

“When all is said and done the daughter suffers the most psychologically.” Hotch says, “She could be the real target, maybe a surrogate for someone he knew.”

At this point, Hotch notices the way April is staring at the table, eyes unfocused, “Hunter,” Her eyes shoot up, “You must be exhausted, let me drive you back to the hotel so you can get some rest.”

“Hotch, I’m fine, I want to help.”

“No,” He says and she frowns, “If the daughter is the true target we’re going to have to dive deeper into victimology. Why he chose you. You don’t want to be here for that.”

Everyone’s quiet and deliberately looks away from April. She sighs, “Fine, but I’m coming back first thing in the morning.” She stands and walks out of the conference room without waiting for Hotch.

“Garcia, see what you can find about April’s childhood as well as the other victims and let us know if there’s any similarities.” Hotch says.

“It feels icky, but I’ll do it.” Garcia responds.

“I’ll be back.” Hotch addresses the rest of the team before heading after April.

They ride in silence for a few minutes, Hotch glancing over to the passenger seat every few seconds. “Whatever you want to say just say it.” April says, growing tired of the constant glances.

“You don’t have to keep working on this case like it’s any other case--”

“It’s not just any other case.”

“I know,” He says gently, “I’m worried about you. I know you bottle things up, showing emotion to other people makes you feel vulnerable, which in turn makes you feel weak. And I worry that the way you’re bottling up your rage is going to lead to you taking it out on--”

“I didn’t kill Brandon.” She says.

“I know you didn’t. But if we do find the real killer, I can’t let you come with us into the field until he’s been taken into custody.”

“Hotch--”

“It’s not up for discussion. I’m sorry.”

She sat back in the seat and crossed her arms over her chest and they continue on in silence for a while longer. “Do you think our unsub is also responsible for Brandon’s death?” Hotch felt guilty about upsetting her and thought maybe getting her brain back into work mode would stop her from giving him the silent treatment.

For a few moments he thinks she might continue to ignore him, but finally, she sighs, “It’s possible. If we think he gets off on the suffering of the daughters, he might be upset that I thought he had been caught. That I felt safe knowing he was behind bars. Killing Brandon after he was released could have been a message to me that he’s still out there and obviously following me.”

“You don’t feel safe anymore.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“It was implied.” Hotch pauses, “I can stay at the hotel with you, work with the team remotely from the room next to yours.”

He expects her to refuse, but instead she agrees. “Okay.” She says quietly. This only worries him more as she is typically unlikely to accept help unless he insists upon it.

They walk up to the hotel room in silence and Hotch stands behind her as she unlocks her door, “Hey,” He says softly and she turns, “Anything you need, anything at all, I’ll be right there.” He nods his head to the door next to them.

“Thank you.” She says, giving him a small smile before pushing the hotel door open and then quickly closing it behind her.

He stands there for a moment, staring at the space she was just standing in before sighing and going to his own room.

“How is she doing?” Rossi asks when he calls the team from his room to let them know he’ll be staying there.

“She won’t admit it, but she’s scared. She thinks he might be following her and that Brandon Perry was a message to her that he’s still out there.”

“That would make sense if we think the girls are the real targets.” Prentiss chimes in.

Hotch stays on the phone with them a little while longer before they all decide to head back to the hotel. He stares at the wall that separates him from April and tries to get his mind to quiet enough to rest. He’s right here. Nothing will hurt her if he’s right here. He thought about how just last week Rossi had teased him for catching him staring at April. He had nearly convinced Aaron to ask her out. But she was so distant and hard to read and he didn’t want to chance rejection. Eventually, he closes his eyes and drifts off, an image of you smiling at him on the backs of his eyelids.

***

April was exhausted, but she stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Small noises that she never thought twice about now startled her. Hotch is next door. She reminded herself. She thought about the comment he made about Billy: You could do better. Had he been… Flirting? Aaron Hotchner… Flirting? It felt absurd. Shaking the thought out of her head, she got up and poured herself some water from the Brita in the mini fridge. Finally, after drinking the water, she’s able to fall asleep.

The breeze against her face wakes her. Slowly blinking her eyes into consciousness, she notices the balcony doors are open. Those were closed when I fell asleep, She thinks to herself and shoots up in bed, scrambling for her gun as her heart races. April considers yelling to Hotch, but if he’s still here she doesn’t want to scare him off.

On the wall at the foot of her bed reads “Welcome Home” in what looks like blood. Under it sits her favorite childhood teddy bear, head ripped clean off. She tightens her grip on the gun in order to stop the shaking and then glances around the room, but there’s nothing. Then she slowly opens the bathroom door. Pointing her gun at the shower, the curtain moves. She doesn’t hesitate she fires off four rounds, breathing hard. She doesn’t hear a body fall. Reaching out she pushes the curtain, but no one’s there.

Seconds later, Hotch is calling her name, but he doesn’t wait for a response before kicking down the door. “Hunter?” He calls again and she thinks she might hear fear in his voice. Fear for her?

“I’m in the bathroom. You can put down your gun, it’s clear.” He appears behind her a moment later, still staring at the shower, “I thought he was still in here.”

She walks around him and back out to where he left the message, “He came in through the balcony, I— I thought I locked it…” She trails off, looking at the glass of water on the table and realizing she can’t remember when she fell asleep.

“What is it?” Hotch asks.

“He was in here before. I think he drugged my water.”

He narrows his eyes at her, “We should go to the hospital then, I’ll have the team come here and treat this as a crime scene.”

“I don’t need to go to the hospital, I’m fine—“

“We don’t know what he gave you or how much, besides, having you tested will tell us what he used faster than sending a sample of the water to Quantico.”

“Fine.” She agrees begrudgingly, he was right. She walks over to her bag of clothes and it’s only at this moment that she realizes she had worn only an oversized t-shirt to bed and Hotch was making a valiant effort not to stare at her legs.

“I’ll, um, I have to get dressed as well.” He says hurriedly, gesturing to the pajama pants he’s wearing. He leaves before she can say anything else. Under normal circumstances, April’s sure this would have made her laugh, but that teddy bear seems to be staring her down. She gets dressed and leaves the room without another glance.

***

April stares out the window of the SUV in silence while Hotch calls Rossi to fill him in on what happened so the rest of the team can start assessing her hotel room. When he hangs up, she feels his eyes darting between her and the road again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks quietly.

She’s quiet for a moment and then she takes a shaky breath, “That teddy bear went missing from my room a couple weeks before the murders. It was my favorite.” She swipes impatiently at the tears that start falling, “I blamed Timmy for it, we fought about it for hours. He felt so bad that I was mad at him he used his birthday money to buy me another one. I really thought he took it.” She tilts her head back in the headrest, trying desperately to stop the impending sobs.

Hotch doesn’t say anything, but he reaches across the car to hold her hand. To her own surprise, she lets him, the calluses on his thumb rubbing reassuring circles on the back of her hand.

***

“What do you have, Garcia?” Hotch steps out of your examination room for a moment to accept the call.

“How is she?” Penelope asks first.

“She’s… shaken up. But, like everyone else on this team does an excellent job of seeming unaffected.”

She sighs, “My poor wonder woman. Anyway, I think I found the connection between all the daughters.”

“What is it?”

“Well, it turns out that our April was a very talented child. Her parents took her to talent shows regularly, she was voted ‘Most Likely To Make It To Hollywood’ in her middle school yearbook.”

Hotch frowns and looks back at April, “We’re talking about the same federal agent, right?”

“I know, sir, not much surprises me anymore, but this did. There’s videos of her singing all over the internet, she was on the local news, quite the young star.”

“And the other victims?”

“All singers, sir. Every last one.”

“Thanks, Garcia.”

He walks back into April’s room, “You used to be a singer.” He says.

She rolls her eyes, “So?”

“So all the other daughters were singers too.” She sets her jaw and won’t meet his eyes. She’s not surprised by this information. “Why didn’t you mention it?”

“I didn’t think it was relevant.”

“You didn’t think it was relevant that there was a connection between all of the victims?”

She sighs and she feels shame at his obvious disappointment, “I’m sorry. I’ve worked really hard to block it out, sometimes I honestly forget.”

“What else aren’t you telling me?”

She bites her lip and looks down at her hands, picking at the cuticles around her thumb again, “He made me sing while… While he raped me.”

“Is there anything else?”

“No. I swear.”

He stares at her for moment and she knows he’s trying to see if she’s lying. It makes her angry at him, but also at herself. Maybe Hotch had never been as fond of her as the others, but he had never distrusted her. Just another thing the unsub had taken from her. “What song did he make you sing?”

The question is so painful to think about that she visibly flinches, “Do you really need to know that?”

“You know I do.” He says softly.

She looks away from him again, back to the cuticle on her thumb that she’s made bleed, “Like A Virgin by Madonna.”

He places his hand over hers again and she finds it almost alarming the way his touch seems to immediately calm her. “April, we won’t stop until we find him. I promise.”

She gives him a teary smile, “Will you stay with me?”

He smiles back at her, giving her a hand a slight squeeze and his smile takes her breath away, “I’ll be glued to your side until this case is over.”

***

A couple hours later they had found out that there was a classic date rape drug in April’s system: Gamma-hydroxybutyric acid, or GHB. The drug is usually prescribed for narcolepsy, but it was most often obtained illegally from Mexican pharmacies which they assumed was how the unsub got it.

“I’m bringing you back to the police station so you can stay with me and the team like I promised, but you don’t have to keep working the case.” Hotch says as he drives.

“Funny that you think you can stop me from working the case.”

He smirks a bit and brings his attention back to the road.

“What do you guys have for a profile so far?” He looks over at her, frowning. “What? I know you guys have been working while I’ve been reliving my trauma so what’ve you got?”

“White male, when he murdered your family he was probably in his twenties so now we’re guessing mid thirties to early forties. The torture is consistent with a sadist. Killing an entire family is an incredibly high risk crime which suggests he’s a narcissist, but also very organized. He’s able to control four people at once without much difficulty and he’s never left a shred of physical evidence behind except on the daughters. This means he’s arrogant and--” Hotch cuts himself off.

“What?”

“You said you showered before calling 911. Why?”

“I… I told you he left… He left his semen all over me, I was just a kid, I wanted a shower--”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, that doesn’t make any sense. Yes, you were traumatized, but every kid has it hardwired in their brain that as soon as something bad happens the first thing they do is call 911.”

“Okay, well I didn’t.”

He presses some buttons on the console of the car and then Garcia’s voice is coming through the speaker, “At your service, sir.”

“Garcia, in any of the family murders, was there a rape kit done on any of the daughters?”

“Well, surely there must have been-- Oh. No, no rape kits, not on any of them.”

“Does a police report tell you why?”

“I’m checking… and…” There’s a sigh from Penelope.

“What is it, Garcia?”

“All of them showered before calling 911.”

April is already shaking her head, “No, no that can’t be right.”

“Did any of them report why they showered before calling for help?”

“Most of them, like April, just reported that they felt icky and needed to shower, but the first one, the very first victim Katie Yates, she reported that the unsub made her shower. Like, held her at gunpoint, marched her to the bathroom, and watched. Once he was satisfied with how clean she was, he left while she was still in the shower.”

“That’s not what happened,” April says quietly, her eyes closed.

“Thank you, Garcia.” Hotch says and hangs up the phone before she can respond, “April--”

“No.” She says fiercely, “I’m telling you that’s not what happened.”

“Every other aspect of the crime is controlled and calculated, he wouldn’t make the mistake of leaving DNA all over his victims--”

“I would remember that if he did--”

“No,” Hotch says gently. He had pulled into the police station now, putting the car in park, “No, because you didn’t want to remember. Just that one memory, that one you wanted so badly to believe was your own. That he wasn’t there for the shower. But he was, wasn’t he?”

“Please stop.” She said breathlessly.

“I’m sorry.” He sounds sincere and he puts his hand over hers, “Look at me.” She doesn’t obey immediately so he reaches up to grip her chin and gently turn her face to his. Her eyes are shining and her breathing is uneven, but his eyes are soft and she has the absurd urge to rest her forehead against his. “He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe.”

She nods and swallows. “I need you to walk me through exactly what happened after the rape.” He continues. Her lip trembles, but she nods again. “Okay, close your eyes.”

“Hotch--” She whimpers.

“I’m right here. I’ll be here the whole time. You know how this goes. Close your eyes.” She takes a shaky breath and closes her eyes. “Good. He’s on top of you still. He’s just finished. Tell me what you feel, what you hear.”

“Um. I’m crying. I can hear my parents crying. His weight on me is making it hard to breathe.” She starts panicking, her breathing quickens.

“April, focus. He’s not here. You’re safe. What about your hands, what are you touching?”

“The carpet. I’m on the floor in the basement.”

“Can you see your parents?”

“Yes,” She gulps, “But I’m trying not to look at them. It’s humiliating.”

“Okay. Now what is he doing?”

“He… He kisses my neck and whispers in my ear ‘Thank you for the show’ and then he stands up.” Her breathing quickens, “He’s walking to my parents, I don’t want to watch, he’s going to kill them, Hotch--!”

“Okay, okay, come back. Open your eyes. I’m here.” His hands come up to cradle her face. She should be startled by her boss touching her like this, but she’s oddly comforted.

Her breathing finally slows, “I’m tired.” She says softly.

“I know. We’re almost done. Close your eyes again, you can do this.” His hands stay on her face as she closes her eyes again, “Okay. Your parents are dead. What does he do now?”

“Uh, I’m screaming. He’s looking at me and laughing and then he grabs my arm and pulls me up from the floor. I struggle and he puts the gun to my head and says if I don’t calm down he’ll blow out my brains like he did my parents. And then… He walks me up the stairs to the bathroom…” Her breathing becomes rapid again, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Yes you can.” Hotch’s voice is low and soothing. He believes in you, she thinks to herself, if he thinks you can do this, you can.

“He turns on the shower. I’m already naked and once I’m in the shower he starts undressing.” Silent tears stream down her cheeks and she’s distantly aware of Hotch gently wiping them away with the pads of his thumbs. “He comes in the shower. He’s touching me. I’m begging him to stop. Oh, God.”

“April, stay there. He’s undressed, he’s taken the mask off, do you recognize him?”

She’s shaking her head, “I can’t… I can’t look.”

“The water’s hitting your skin, his hands are on you--”

“Stop.”

“Look up, April.”

Despite herself, she listens. She’s in that shower, significantly smaller than she is now, and she looks up to see blue eyes looking down at her. Shaggy brown hair nearly covers them, especially now that it’s wet. He has a smirk on his face and crooked front teeth. There’s a tattoo on his right arm of a cross.

“Okay, okay that’s enough, you did it.” Hotch’s voice pulls her back out and she becomes aware of the car that’s still around them and the fact that she’s sobbing. “You’re okay. You’re safe. You did so good.” She falls forward in his arms and after a moment of hesitation he wraps his arms around her, holding her until her breathing settles. It takes him a moment to realize that anyone could look in the SUV and find him in a seemingly compromising position with his subordinate and he pulls away. To his shock, she seems to look disappointed. “You ready to go inside?”

“Yeah.” She says and without another word, she gets out of the car. Hotch can’t deny that he feels like he’s done something wrong as he watches April walk into the station.

When April walks in the station, her whole team cranes their heads to watch her, but she heads straight for the coffee without looking at anyone. Hotch files in soon after.

“Is she okay?” Reid asks, the rest of the team waits for his answer.

“I just gave her a cognitive interview, I’m sure she’s upset.”

“Did you learn anything?” JJ asks.

“Yeah,” Hotch nods, “She remembers what he looks like and she identified a tattoo on his right arm.”

“We should have Garcia run that, see if we can get an ID.” Morgan says.

“Call a sketch artist as well.” Hotch looks up at where April was standing just a few moments ago to see her gone, “Excuse me.”

***

April’s hands shake so hard as she tries to pour the coffee she ends up putting it down in frustration. “Need some help?” She turns to see Billy, standing there smirking at her.

Sighing, she stands back and gestures for him to go ahead. He steps in to pour the coffee, “Pretty elaborate ruse you got going on, staging a break in at your hotel room with that teddy bear.”

She stares at him in disbelief, “You still think I did this?”

“I think,” He says, handing her a cup of coffee, “That you’re impulsive and you went to confront Brandon and you didn’t mean to kill him, but you did and now this is all to cover everything up.”

“Oh,” She scoffs and starts walking away from him, “You are delusional and a dick.”

He follows April into another room and closes the door behind them, “Open the door.” She says when she realizes she’s shut in.

“You and your stupid FBI team are making this whole police force look bad, you need to drop the investigation.”

“The cases cross state lines, we have jurisdiction.”

“Yeah, you would have jurisdiction if there was a real case, but there isn’t. You’re a pathological liar and you can’t even see it. Brandon Perry murdered your family and raped you and just can’t let it go.”

“You’re a sick son of a bitch,” She walks around him to the door, but he turns quickly and places his palm against the door, slamming it shut again. “Let me out.” She says slowly.

“I’ll let you out when you promise me that you’re going to march out there and tell them that you’ve been lying this whole time and then march your pretty ass back to D.C.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll arrest you for the murder of Brandon Perry.”

“You have no evidence.”

“Oh, April, April, April. I know you know what a coerced confession is here. And I also know that you know a jury of your peers here in Maine would send you to prison for less.”

There’s a sharp knock on the door and Billy finally steps away. When she opens it, Hotch is on the other side, “Everything okay in here?”

“Just fine, Agent Hotchner. Isn’t that right April?” Billy says and grabs a strand of her hair, twirling it around his finger and tugging, exactly like he used to when he sat behind her in middle school.

April slaps her hand on his wrist and twists his arm around until he yells. “You lay a hand on me or threaten me again, I will make sure you don’t have a career here anymore. Understood?”

“You can’t--” He starts, but she twists his arm further.

“Am I clear?” She says again.

“Alright, fine!”

She shoves him away and he stumbles, nearly falling to the floor as April storms out, Hotch still standing in the doorway, watching Billy.

“I told you,” Billy says, pushing himself to standing, “She’s a crazy bitch.”

“Detective, let me make myself very clear. If you continue to harass my agent or impede on this investigation in any way, not only will I make sure you never have a career in law enforcement again, I will arrest you for obstructing a federal investigation.”

Billy shakes his head, “She’s got you all wrapped around her finger.”

“And I think your boss has you wrapped around his finger. He’s the one who arrested Brandon Perry. Seems like he would have a lot more to lose if he was wrong than you would.”

“He wasn’t wrong.”

“Then let us conduct the investigation. If it leads back to Brandon Perry, then so be it.”

“You really think she’d accept that?”

“If the evidence led us there, she would. Now stay out of our investigation if you value your job.” Hotch leaves without giving him time to respond and then tries to find April.

“Are you alright?” He asks when he finds her. She’s sitting alone at a conference table.

“I’m fine, Billy’s just an asshole.”

“There’s more to your relationship than you told me to begin with.”

She frowns, “What are you talking about?”

“You said you came up here to visit a friend. Who were you visiting?”

“I’m tired of being interrogated--”

“The reason Billy is so sure you killed Brandon Perry is because you were with him that night and then you left suddenly, isn’t it?”

April sighs and looks down at the table, “Hotch, I appreciate everything you’re doing to help, but who I was with and what I was doing that night doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t kill Brandon so please just drop it.”

He shakes his head and he looks almost frustrated with April, but that doesn’t make any sense. Why would he care so much about her relationship with Billy? “I don’t understand why you would waste your time on a cop like that, look at what a mess it put you in.”

She frowns, “With all due respect, sir, it’s really not your business who I’m sleeping with.”

“Why did you leave that night if you didn’t kill Brandon?”

She scoffs, “I can’t believe this.”

“Answer the question.”

She was angry with him. Practically bursting at the seams with rage. Just like every other man, thinking he’s entitled to everything about her. They all disappointed her in the end. “Billy and I had a fight and I wanted to be alone.”

“What was the fight about?”

“He wanted to be an official couple again. I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

She tilts her head to the side, “Just because I’m a good fuck doesn’t mean he gets to claim me. Like you said, he’s just a stupid cop and I could do better. Now will you leave me alone?”

April recognized that look in his eyes: He was jealous. Aaron Hotchner was jealous that she had a sexual relationship with another man. And suddenly her anger evaporated and was replaced by desire. She supposed she did always have a thing for older men which she was sure a profiler would say had to do with her dead dad. Either way, she sent a smoldering glare his way until he left her alone.

When he left, she rested her head on the table in exhaustion and didn’t notice Emily had approached until she heard the seat in front of her being pulled out. She raises her head and manages a smile, “Hi.”

“How are you doing?” She asks.

“Better now that you’re here, I’m tired of all the men around here.”

She laughs, “Good. Well, the sketch artist is here and I’m sad to report that he is a man.” April groans. “But, I will stay with you if you want and then I think we’re all going to work through the night, but Hotch was talking about bringing you back to the hotel to get some rest. It sounds like you had a rough day.”

“Yeah,” She sighs, “Cognitive interviews are the worst.”

As promised, Emily sits with her while she talks to the sketch artist and Hotch walks over not long after. When it’s finished, Emily gives your hand a squeeze and leaves with the sketch to pin to the evidence board.

“You should get some rest, I’ll take you back to the hotel now.” Hotch says, hands in his pockets. It was intriguing to her that he could act like he didn’t just ask about her sex life only an hour ago.

“I can’t sleep in that room again.”

“You can sleep in mine. I’ll sleep on the floor,” He adds quickly upon seeing the look on her face.

She sighs, “You don’t have to sleep on the floor, just don’t touch me.”

“Won’t be a problem.” And with the indifference in his tone, she thought maybe she had actually imagined everything earlier.

“Great.” She murmurs and gets up to walk out first.

Hotch stays behind for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose and Rossi comes up behind him, “You picked a terrible time to start giving her hints about the way you feel, Aaron.”

“We’re trying to solve a case about her family’s murder and all I can think about is how pissed off it makes me to know that she’s been sleeping with someone else.”

“You’re human.”

Hotch just shakes his head and walks away.

***

“Daddy driving you home?”

The voice behind April makes her jump, her hand flying automatically to her gun.

“Woah, it’s just me April.” Billy laughs, leaning up against the station building, “You really are on edge, lately, huh? A sign of guilt or genuine fear?”

She could strangle him right here, she thinks. But instead, she reigns in her temper and leans against the wall next to him, “What about your daddy, huh? Haven’t seen him here all day. Is he too busy making wrongful arrests?”

Billy scoffs, “Yeah, and how’s your stupid little profile going? Did you find the real killer yet?”

She sighs, “You cops are all the same, think your old fashioned police work is better than profiling.”

Billy looks like he’s about to respond, but Hotch walks through the door just then, “There’s daddy, you better hurry up and get in the car like a good girl.”

Hotch barely registers what Billy’s said before April launches herself at him, fists flying. He immediately reacts, grabbing her arms, “Hunter, hey, hey! That’s enough! Get in the car.” He says sternly.

She shakes him off, but walks to the car all the same.

“Fucking bitch.” Billy mutters, drawing Hotch’s attention back to him.

“Detective, I thought I made myself clear that you were to stay away from my agent and out of my case.”

Billy steps up, eye to eye with Hotch, “This is my station, agent. Back off.”

Hotch stares him down for a few more moments, “The superintendent will be hearing from me tomorrow, at the very least you’ll be getting suspended. Maybe now’s a good time for you to clean out your desk.” And then he turns and walks back to the SUV, ignoring Billy’s curses behind him.

Once Hotch is in the SUV and starts driving away, he starts talking to April, “When you’re out in the field you represent me, you represent the team, and the whole bureau. You can’t just--”

“I don’t need a lecture right now.”

He’s surprised to hear tears in her voice and it softens him immediately, “April, I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you today.”

“You’ve only done what you need to do to solve the case, you shouldn’t apologize.”

“No, no, I… I shouldn’t have questioned you about Billy earlier. You were right, it’s none of my business.”

“It’s fine.” She says. First indifference, now an apology. Maybe she really had imagined everything. “I just want to sleep.”

***

Hotch works for a while by the light of the lamp when you get into bed, poring over the case files again and again, trying to figure out if they had missed anything. He’s pretty sure April is actually sleeping and once he’s sure he can’t get any more work done, he turns off the lamp and gets ready for bed.

He slips in the bed as quietly as possible, hoping not to wake her, but there’s the smallest moan that escapes her lips when the mattress shifts. A moment later, she turns over, still in sleep and slings her arm over his chest, sighing contentedly as she rests her head on his chest. Hotch freezes, unsure of how to react before slowly wrapping his arms around her in return. Her shampoo smells like peaches and vanilla and he breathes it in deeply knowing in the morning she’ll pretend this never happened.

***

When April wakes up and finds herself in Hotch’s arms, legs tangled under the sheets, she does her best not to panic. With the way they were positioned, it was clear she had initiated this which was all the more embarrassing. Lucky for her though, she doesn’t have to figure out her next move because his phone rings. She pretends to be asleep as he slowly comes to wakefulness and reaches for his phone.

“Hotchner.” His voice is husky from sleep and it sends a thrill through her and she imagines for a moment what it would be like if Aaron Hotchner was hers. Then she hears Billy’s voice in her head calling him her daddy and the moment sours.

“Okay.” He says after a few moments, “We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

He ends the call and sets the phone back on the nightstand, but to her surprise, he doesn’t immediately wake her. “Are you awake?” He whispers after a few moments and she tries not to balk.

“Mmm.” Is all she manages and she keeps her eyes closed, not sure she can meet his eyes like this.

“They’ve, um… Another family was killed last night.” He tries to say it as gently as possible, but she shoots up in bed anyway, “The daughter was killed as well this time.”

She’s shaking her head, “No… No, that can’t be. She has to… She can’t be dead.”

“It’s probably a message to you.” Hotch says calmly.

She scoffs, “That’s great. A whole family’s dead because of me.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“Oh, like hell it isn’t.” She says, climbing out of bed and pulling on her jeans. She doesn’t fully realize who she’s getting dressed in front of until Hotch tries to subtly avert his eyes. “I should’ve solved this case years ago. I’ve known it was serial for a while. I could have saved them.”

“You know as well as I do that thinking like that isn’t helpful for anyone.” He says, following her lead and getting dressed in front of her. The fact that they’re both acting like nothing out of the ordinary has taken place between them makes everything somehow even more intimate.

She sighs, “Let’s just get over there.” And she walks into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

***

April can feel the bile rising in her throat as her team mills around the crime scene. She’s crouched next to the girl, Layla, whose throat had been slit. She had also been stabbed too many times to be counted by the naked eye. Her eyes stared blankly ahead, but April could see the fear there. He had left her here, in front of her parents’ bodies, naked. “He went through the entire ritual, even the shower, then brought her back down here and killed her.”

“He’s always been very controlled and organized, but this last kill is full of rage.” Prentiss notices.

April frowns as she looks at Layla’s throat and notices that it almost seems to be bulging, “I think there’s something in her throat.” She pulls on her latex gloves while everyone crowds around her and then gently prys the girl’s jaw open. Reaching in, her fingers brush what feels like crumpled paper at the back of her throat and April pulls it out. Heart racing, she smooths it open.

Welcome home, April. I’d like to see the woman I’ve created. Arrive alone at the place where we first met, 20:00.

Everyone was silent as April read the note over and over after reading it aloud the first time. The word “alone” had been underlined several times. There was no threat attached to it, but April knew it was one all the same.

“We’ll have to call SWAT and let them know, we’ll also have to prepare the local police--”

“No.” April cut off Hotch, “You can’t be serious, he said to come alone.”

“April, his end game is clearly to kill you, if you go there by yourself you won’t come back out. And I already told you you’re not allowed to handle the arrest.”

“This is our one shot to get him,” Her eyes water, “This family died because of me--”

“Hunter--”

“Stop.” The tears fall down her cheeks and he wants to brush them away like he had the day before. “I won’t let this happen again, I’m going to see him by myself.”

“At least go in with a wire, we’ll stay a safe distance away.” Morgan bargained.

She shifts her attention to Morgan, to her team who are all looking at her sadly. Concern dripping heavy from their limbs. “No SWAT.” She insists, “Just this team.”

Hotch sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “You’re sure you can handle this?”

She wasn’t, but she nods anyway.

“Fine.” Is all he says before walking away.

***

Aaron is conscious of her eyes on him as he helps her put the wire on, “You steer the conversation away from yourself when you’re in there. Don’t let your guard down for a second. He’s going to try to get in your head, blame you for what he’s done. Don’t let him, just feed his ego and then call us when you’ve got him. Okay?”

“Yeah.” She says quietly.

He finishes putting the wire on and leans away from her in the surveillance van, “I can go in with you.” He says, giving it one last shot.

“No.”

He nods resolutely, “Promise me you’ll walk out of there alive.” She avoids meeting his eyes, “April.”

Finally she locks her eyes to his, “I’m scared.” She says, and her voice shakes.

It’s the first time he’s heard her admit it. He’d known she felt it, but she’d never admitted it. “Listen to me.” He says firmly, “You are not the twelve year old girl he knew. You’re stronger than him. You can do this.”

She takes a deep breath and nods, moving around him to exit the van.

“Be careful.” He says one last time and he thinks maybe she’s aware of just how worried he is about her, his eyes full of concern.

She gives him a small smile before turning away and walking down the street, rounding the last block to her childhood home, the house she hadn’t entered again since the murders. The town was small and since everyone knew what had happened there, it had never been sold.

April stands just outside the house for a minute, hand hovering just above her gun, trying to get both hands to stop shaking. Hotch believes in you. She reminds herself, recalling his words in the van. She can do this.

She’d been avoiding thinking about all his touches in the last few days. The way his rough, callused fingers felt so gentle on her face when she cried. The way he’d wrapped his arms around her in sleep, almost protectively. The way when he woke to answer his phone this morning he had absently stroked her shoulder. Did they mean anything to him or was he just an overworked, touch starved man, desperate for any sort of attention, even from her.

Shaking the thoughts from her head, she headed for the door, raising her gun as she approached. The door was already slightly ajar and she pushed it lightly with the pads of her fingers. Carefully, she cleared each room, heart ricocheting against her rib cage, though she already knew where he’d be waiting for her.

After they had found the last family, Garcia had been able to ID the killer based on the sketch and the tattoo as Allen Grey. He had the usual tough past, abusive father and mother, grew up in poverty. His parents died when he was still young and his older sister was left to take care of him, and she then continued the cycle of abuse, escalating to sexual assault. It explained the mercy for the young boys and torture of the eldest daughters, but April couldn’t bring herself to feel sympathy for him.

She stood at the top of the basement stairs, could already see the lights on down there and could hear Madonna’s Like a Virgin playing on vinyl. April hated the way her body reacted, the way everything in her was telling her to run. She was a federal agent for Christ’s sake, she took down killers like this one all the time. He was no different, she tried to assure herself, he was just like the rest. And then she steeled herself, brought her gun back up in front of her at eye level, and began descending the stairs.

“There you are! Welcome home, April!” Allen says cheerfully as you point the gun at him, “Now, now, come on, I don’t have a weapon,” He raises his hands, “Why don’t you holster that gun, Agent Hunter.” He had an arrogant smirk on his face.

Tears stung the corners of her eyes and her finger flexed on and off the trigger, wanting so bad to just pull it and be done with it. But she knew her team was listening and this was exactly why Hotch hadn’t wanted her in the field for this. She lowered her weapon and put it back in her holster.

“That’s better. Why don’t you have a seat?” He gestured to the worn out table and chairs, “Let’s have a drink. Talk.”

She swallowed thickly, “No thank you.” She managed.

“No, come on now, April. We have to catch up!”

“Why did you bring me here?”

He smiles at her again and comes closer to her. Slowly, he pulls a knife out of his pocket and brings it up for her to see. She balks, but he quickly grabs her from the back of her neck to keep her steady and runs the knife gently over her face. “You were always so clever, April.” She keeps eye contact with him, doing her best not to show any fear. “So pretty and smart. I only followed you, after, you know? You were… number two, I believe. I chased the high I got with you with everyone after, but none of them were the same.”

“Is that why you stopped for a while after the fourth family?”

He nods, “Like I said, you were always so smart. And then I saw how you became obsessed with people like me, went to college to study criminal justice, always thinking about me. Joined the FBI because you were so obsessed with me, weren’t you, little April?”

She wanted to spit in his face, but she remembered what Hotch said about feeding into his ego, “They say you never forget your first.” She says cooly, almost seductively.

It works, an arrogant smile twists its way up his face and he pockets the knife. “All I ever wanted was to find you,” She says, slipping into character, “See those blue eyes again. I dream about them every night.” None of these statements are lies, but the tone she takes when delivering them, the sweetness she adds to it, the act she puts on makes bile rise in her own throat.

“I knew it.” He says, looking at her with newfound desire, “We’re soulmates, you know?” His words are gentle, but he grips her by the hair again and pulls, exposing her neck. “Let’s run away together, baby.”

“Okay.” She says softly, “I’m ready.”

Hotch is already ordering the team to go in, jumping out of the back of the van with Morgan. Through his earpiece, he listens closely to you. He can hear your fear in the way you’re breathing, but he’s not sure Allen is picking it up from you.

When she agrees to go with him, he spins her and shoves her against a wall, her head painfully bouncing off the cement. He laughs as she winces and then leans in to kiss her throat, “Are you going to tell your team to leave us alone?” He reaches under her shirt where the wire is and yanks it off her. “April, April, April. My clever, clever girl. You had to know I would have expected you not to come by yourself.”

He pushes himself off her and walks to the table, reaching under it and pulling out a gun that he had taped there earlier.

April’s jaw tenses as he raises the gun to point it at her head, “You won’t kill me.” She says smoothly, though she’s not sure she believes it herself.

“No,” He cocks the gun and turns slightly to aim towards the doorway, “But if Aaron Hotchner walks through that doorway I’ll kill him.”

She does her best to betray nothing, but a muscle in her jaw jumps involuntarily and he narrows his eyes at her, “Yeah, I thought you liked him.”

“I care about everyone on my team.” She says stiffly.

He shakes his head, “No. Don’t forget April, I’ve been watching you. I know your weaknesses as I’m sure you know mine and the past few days here I’ve noticed the way you look at Agent Hotchner when you think he’s not looking. But he always notices because he’s always aware of you, even when he tries his hardest not to be. So, April, I’ll give you one chance,” He hands the wire back over to her, “Tell Aaron to back off.”

Reluctantly, she takes the wire from him. “Hotch,” She breathes, “Stand down.”

Hotch holds a hand up to the team on the outside, signaling them to stand down, though he can barely hear past the roaring in his ears.

“There,” Her voice comes in his earpiece again, “Are you happy now?”

“I’ll be happy when he hears me kill you and knows there’s nothing he can do to stop it.”

“I thought we were running away together.”

“You think I can’t tell when you’re playing me?”

“No, I know you can’t tell when I’m playing you.” Something in April had unlocked when Allen threatened Hotch. Threatened her team. And she knew Hotch could hear them and though she had told him to stand down, he was trying to figure out another way to get to her. He wouldn’t stop until she was out of there, whether it ended with both her and Allen in body bags or Allen in cuffs. But she wouldn’t let it come to that.

“Since you’ve been watching me my whole life, you know the entire town thought I killed my own family and that I lied about the whole thing. Do you know why they thought that? Because they saw in me what my team sees in people like you.” She walks up to him, and though every instinct screams to run, she instead places a hand on his chest, “That night… you made me into you. So no, Allen,” It’s the first time she uses his name and she relishes the shock that lights in his eyes, “You can’t tell when I’m playing you.” Capitalizing on his surprise, she disarms him the way Morgan has drilled into her over and over, quickly slamming his wrist into the nearest surface and catching the gun when he releases his grip. Faster, she takes a step back from him and draws her gun as well, now pointing two weapons at him, “And I think you’ve overplayed your hand, babe.”

He raises his hands and now there’s genuine fear in his eyes, “April--”

“I’d like you to very slowly remove the knife from your pocket and toss it to the floor and if you even think about launching it at me, just know that I am a very good shot and I have been dreaming about killing you every day since I was twelve, don’t tempt me.” Her voice shakes, but this time not from fear, but from anger that she’d harbored close to her chest since the man who stood in front of her stole everything from her.

As Allen slowly does as he’s told, April hears footsteps on the stairs and is relieved when she spots another gun trained on Allen in her peripheral. Morgan begins to walk to Allen, but April stops him, “No.” She says, “I want to do it.”

He nods and redraws his gun, backing away. She holsters her own weapon and hands Allen’s gun back to Hotch without looking at him. Drawing cuffs from her pocket, she walks behind Allen who has managed to get a smirk back on his face. The sight breaks something in her and she roughly shoves him against the wall, feeling satisfaction at his grunt of pain when his face collides with the cement. She tightens the cuffs a bit more than necessary and begins stating his rights to him as she marches him up the stairs.

“I’m going to be a legend, you know? They’ll make all these dateline documentaries about me and the families I’ve killed.” He’s smiling still as April shoves him in the backseat of Billy’s police car. She’s trying not to think about the fact that he showed up here.

“Prisoners don’t look too fondly on those among them who kill and rape children, Allen, and I’m going to make sure that whatever cell block you rot in knows exactly what you’ve done. Have a nice life.” And she slams the car door.

Billy’s watching her as she does so, “I’m sorry.” He says simply.

April sighs, “I don’t care.” She says without looking at him and then walks away.

Hotch is watching her, arms crossed and frowning deeply. She stops in front of him, tilting her head to the side and noticing the concern written all over his face as he sizes her up, “Thank you for backing off when I asked you to. I know that was hard for you.”

He simply pushes himself off the car that he was leaning against and pulls her to his chest. She feels surprised for a moment, but then wraps her arms around his waist in return, breathing him in, focusing on his touch rather than Allen’s. And when the sobs begin to wrack her body, he just holds her tighter. He knows the rest of the team is watching and maybe he’ll have to explain this later, the way he rests his head on top of hers to reassure himself as much as her, but he doesn’t much care. He’d been fairly certain she was going to die in there and he’d never have the chance to tell her how he really felt.

Hotch drives back to the hotel with her sleeping in the passenger seat. The medics had checked her out and concluded that she didn’t really have any injuries, but his heart had nearly shattered in his chest when April asked if there was any way they could refill her sleeping medication. They had been unable to, but decided to give her a few doses of ambien anyway, to last her until she could call her prescriber back in DC.

“You can take as much time off as you need when we get back.” He had said as they climbed in the SUV, his too big FBI jacket wrapped tightly around her shoulders as she immediately popped the ambien in her mouth.

“I don’t need to take time off.” Was all she said before she curled herself in a tiny ball, facing the car door, and fell asleep only minutes later.

Now, he pulled into the hotel parking lot, rain falling gently against the windows and debated whether he should wake her. “April.” He said softly, gently shaking her shoulder.

“Mmm.” She murmurs and her eyes flutter. Still straddling the line between sleep and wakefulness, seeing Hotch’s face above hers prompts a small smile. “Aaron.” She says softly and reaches her hand up to touch his face.

Hearing her use his first name so tenderly sends a jolt through him, but he reminds himself that she’s sedated, albeit lightly, from the ambien. “Do you think you can walk up to the hotel room?”

She nods sleepily and he quickly gets out of the car to help her out of the other side, pulling the hood of his jacket over her head to shield her from the rain. She walks slowly because of the drug, but he doesn’t mind. And when she slides her hand down to his to intertwine their fingers, he doesn’t mind that either. When they get to the hotel room she wordlessly strips down to her underwear and climbs into bed.

He stares at her for a while, unsure if she would want him in the bed or not, and decides it’ll be safest to sleep on the couch. He begins taking some cushions off the couch when he hears her voice, “Aaron?” There was his name again. He wasn’t sure why hearing her say it had him coming undone, but he wanted her to repeat it over and over again.

“Yes?”

“Why won’t you come to bed?”

He opens and closes his mouth a couple times before responding, “I was going to sleep on the couch.” She’s quiet for too long and he thinks she must’ve fallen asleep so he turns back to the couch.

“I don’t want to sleep alone.” Her voice is so quiet, he wonders if he imagined it. But when he turns back to the bed, she’s watching him, eyes full of sadness and what he thinks might also be desire. He can’t say no to her. She continues watching him as he takes off his clothes, first unbuttoning his shirt. She watches him carefully, no traces of shyness and he tries his best not to let on the way her attention affects him. He undoes his belt buckle and then pulls off his pants before walking to the bed, pushing the sheets aside, and climbing in.

She turns to him and brings their faces close enough that just another inch would have them rubbing noses together. “Why have you been so nice to me this whole case?”

It’s not what he was expecting her to say and he frowns, “It was a tough case for you that brought back a lot of trauma, why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

She shrugs, “I know you’ve never liked me the way you like the rest of the team--”

“That’s not true--”

“Aaron.” He wonders if maybe she’s caught on to the way saying his name affects him as his mouth closes immediately, “I’m not stupid, I haven’t been here nearly as long as the others and I certainly never open myself up in front of them the way the rest of you do. It’s not anyone’s fault, I’m just… Not a part of the family. But this case… You treated me the way you would treat Reid, JJ, Morgan, Prentiss… Any of them. Why?”

“The second you join this team you’re a part of this family and I’m sorry we made you feel otherwise.”

She rolls her eyes and turns her head to look at the ceiling, “Would you have shared a bed with any of them?”

Heat floods his face and he’s glad she’s not looking at him. “No.” He says and he’s sure his voice, thick with desire has betrayed him.

But April only nods, still staring at the ceiling, “Is it just because you’re lonely?”

It’s then that he realizes what she’s getting at. He hears the vulnerability in her voice, the fear there. She thinks she’s not good enough for him and it breaks his heart even further. “April, look at me.” She manages to turn her head to him and her eyes are glassy. “You have shown the last few days how incredibly resilient, intelligent, and just amazing you are. You can’t really think that the only reason I keep reaching for you is because I’m lonely.”

She smiles sadly, “You wouldn’t be the first.”

A lesser man would’ve taken this personally, perhaps groan about how she could think so little of him, but Aaron was different. He understood what she’d been through, that he could have been Superman himself and she’d still have her doubts.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to prove it to you.”

She turns her head back to him and frowns, a trace of amusement on her face, “And how do you plan on doing that?”

Hesitantly, he reaches out and strokes a thumb across her cheek, “I’d like to start by just holding you tonight, if that’s alright.”

She closes her eyes at his touch, nuzzling her face further into his palm and he melts. “I’d like that.” She says softly.

So he gently wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her to him. Her little sigh of contentment as she settles against his chest is almost too much for him to take. “Aaron?” She says after he's spent a few moments just listening to her heartbeat.

“Hm?”

“You’re the only man I’ve ever felt truly safe around.”

He feels her sadness then and he tightens his grip around her to convey that he’s sorry she feels that way, but he’s grateful for her trust. They fall asleep like that and neither attempt to move away from the other the entire night.

***

“So this is a date.” It had been about two months since they had gotten back from Maine and Aaron had been nothing but a gentleman to her. So much so, in fact, that at some points she thought he was no longer interested in her.

He chuckles, “It’s not a date. We’re meeting the team.”

“Yes, but you’re taking me,” April grins, linking her arm through his as they walk towards the bar, “So it’s a date.”

“If it was a date I would’ve done this--” Hotch spins her in front of him and abruptly kisses her. At first, she freezes, but when he gently nips at her bottom lip she moans slightly, kissing him back. As sudden as it began, it ends and Aaron is staring at her with a look of such arrogant satisfaction she wants to slap him.

“Okay, so it is a date.” She murmurs quietly as Aaron steps around her and walks away, “I knew it.”

When Aaron opens the door to the bar for her, he casually slips his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. He notes her questioning look from the corner of his eye, but just squeezes her hand in response. And instead of detaching herself from him when the team notes their arrival, she squeezes his hand in return, even when the relentless teasing from the team commences.

Aaron only slips away from her to go get them drinks and even then she looks back for him. It’s the most unsure of herself he’s ever seen her and it only broadens his grin.

“You finally did it, eh? Attaboy, Aaron.” Rossi’s already at the bar, a whiskey in hand and another on the bar that he slides to Aaron. He takes it and then orders April a gin and tonic.

“It’s just one date, Rossi. She’s still… hesitant.”

“She doesn’t look hesitant,” Rossi says, looking over his shoulder, “She hasn’t taken her eyes off you since you walked away from her.”

Aaron smirks, “Yes, well, I’ve discovered playing hard to get is very effective with her.” He tips the bartender and clinks his glass with Rossi before walking back over to April. When he hands her the drink, she seems to shrink into his side, taking larger gulps of her drink than he thought she should.

“Slow down,” He plucks the drink from her hand and places it on a nearby table, “Why are you so nervous?”

“Look at all of them just staring at us, I feel pressured.”

“Pressured into what, being with me?”

“Aaron, no,” She places a hand on his arm, sensing the insecurity rising in him, “I want to be with you.”

“Then what?”

She shrugs and reaches for her drink again, but Aaron covers her hand before she can, clearly expecting an answer from her. She sighs and looks up at him, “I feel pressure to be perfect because I can see on their faces how much they love you and I don’t want to fuck this up and then you all hate me because I wasn’t good enough for you.” It all comes out in a rush and she feels breathless after admitting it, her cheeks reddening as he lifts his hand, allowing her to reach for her drink.

“April, they like you just as much as they like me.” She rolls her eyes and he reaches out to tip her chin up gently with his fingers, “You could never mess this up.”

“I messed it up with Billy.”

He drops his hand, unable to hide the annoyance and jealousy on his face at the mention of Billy, “Billy was an immature boy who didn’t know how to treat you anyway.”

She smirks, “And you’re a big strong man who can sweep me off my feet at a moment’s notice?” He manages the smallest of smiles as a slow song starts playing, “Come on, Hotchner. Ask me to dance.”

“You want to dance in front of the team?”

“Well you brought me here to show me off, didn’t you?” He gives her a look like he’s offended she would even think so and she laughs, “Please?” She pouts, “Billy would dance with me if he were here.” She adds teasingly, her eyes glittering with mischief.

Hotch shakes his head at her, but he’s grinning, “You love causing trouble, don’t you?” And she laughs in response as he takes her hand and pulls her to the dance floor, letting his left hand rest gently on the small of her back, his other hand holding hers.

He twirls her around the room and with the whole team watching, he kisses her as the song ends. Their lips worked together to teach each other their own dance and for a moment, it’s just the two of them, until the rest of the team starts jeering and April pulls away, her face flushed. Aaron is still looking at her, smiling and she reaches up with her thumb to swipe at his mouth, “I got some lipstick on you.” She says quietly.

“Can I take you home?” He says finally and his voice is husky and full of want.

She wonders if he’s aware of how alluring the sound of his voice is. “Yeah.” She responds swallowing.

He leads her out of the bar after much protesting from the rest of the team, but all he wants and needs is to get April, April who’s smiling at him from ear to ear, home and in bed with him. They settle into their new relationship with ease, the team noting that they’d never seen either of them smile so much and all of April’s fears and insecurities melted away day by day.

As long as her unit chief quietly placed a coffee on her desk every morning with a sweet note attached to it, she figured she could overcome anything.

#mine #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner imagine #hotch x oc #hotch angst #hotch fluff #hotch imagine

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aeempress · 3 years

Text

Apritello Express Evidences, part 1

Greetings, Apritello enthusiasts and attention! Here comes a loong post is written by totally nerd. You've been warned. Here we go.

The thing is that Apritello is a double-edged sword. The series shows us established friendship of these two, give us a lot of content with them. We can see development of relationship through interaction between the characters, their reaction about the situations they are put in. We can sense their synergy and bound through the show.

Donnie and April have incredible chemistry, and both options, brotp and otp seems fine to me.

But let me tell you why I ship them.

Apritello is the kind of pairings, which consists of small details, hints, that's hidden, but if you're sharp and attentive one, you will notice that. Apritello has a strong foundation: the best friends trope.

And from the very beginning, it works as planned.

When I start watching show, I could say that April and Donnie are best friends. It is worth noting that April is like an older sister to the other brothers, more of a sisterly figure than a friend, but with Donnie she behaves somewhat differently, namely, as best friend. Obviously, she sets him apart from his brothers, although girl tries to pay attention to all of them equally. And Donnie behaves as well.

Dee's battle shell designs for April needs as well as his. His shell transform into comfy spot for taking ride for April. Special and only for her. Because his bros are not supposed to use it (at least, he carries no one on his back), Donnie carries them by his techno-bó or his limbs.

This tiny detail shows his special treatment to her. April is a very, very special occasion to D. Don does care about her comfort, he accept the way she is. Donatello does not try to prevent her from participating in their affairs because he respects her decisions and is pleased that April can be shoulder to shoulder with him.

D is glad to be at her service.

Yeah, Dee's still playing cool, he has image to perform as tough and coolheaded guy. So Don doesn't show his intentions, interest and feeling to other people (he's tryin', but fails). Because his actions matter. They are always small, hidden, but meaningful.

April, in return, trusts Dee and depends on his tech, even knowing what his inventions are the opposite of success (usually).

Go on. Look at Donnie's facial expressions and body language when April is near.

Donnie seems more relaxed when she's around, happier. His emotional response is always different from his brothers ones.

Oh, and look, he wanted to be first to give her a high three.

They worry about each other. Look at Don. He does worry about her way more than his brothers. Yeah, they all want to protect her, but Donnie is more expressive.

Mayham has no particular sympathy for the brothers: he is afraid of Raph and behaves aggressively, he is indifferent to Leo and Mikey. Mayham immediately takes a liking to April. And then the details come back: he let Donnie touch his neck. The most vulnerable place for any living creation, for a second. Let him to study an important vial without any hesitation. Mayham depends on April trust for Donnie. When everything goes wrong for Don, the little doggie comes to his rescue, just as April would have done. Is the hint transparent enough?

We can see links with "A mystic library", wherе Donnie begins to look for solutions to save April's pet. Yes, this may seem like his next leap, "sit down, I'm smart, and now I'll solve all the problems, watch and learn," but Don says one phrase that opens up the veil of the second plan, what happens behind the scenes. "My illiteral colleagues and I was conducting a mustic research, with a life of the beloved pet, hanging in a bounce".

Strange wording, Donatello. Beloved pet? Not yours, as we can see. I can say, that everything in this sentence is true, but Donnie and Mayham has something more.

Continue. Next episode "Origami tsunami". Interactions are kept to a minimum, as April herself appears for a maximum of 5 minutes in the series itself. But devil is always in the details, dear friends.

When April was attacked and hung up, the only one who excitedly called out to her was Donny. Raph is furious that the thieves have escaped, Leo is frustrated that their plan has failed, and Mikey is worried about the salami.

Yeah, we didn't see his worries about her when she fell, because Donnie is on the mission and must be coolheaded turtle, and second, he's calm because now April life is safe and sound, out of the danger.

Dear passangers, Apritello Express arrives to the next station - episode "War and Pizza".

Bare facts:

1. April has Donnie's number on an emergency call.

2. "Anything for you"

3. Donnie is the reason why Alberto knows April's name.

No one calles April by her name (except for Donnie, while phone call, but Alberto wasn't nearby) it was "Captain O'Neil" by her chief, her badge seems blank. And yeah, you can say, that's just economy of budget, but I assure you: in the first episode we were shown the name of the delivery guy. The animators were not lazy bones and wrore "Stewart" on his badge. So if something isn't there, then it either shouldn't be there, or it really isn't, that's how this show works.

So, the reason explained in the episode. When Al has short circuit, parts of its new code flashed through its mind.

Info about April was in its memory, in its code. Alberto was a lame animatronic, and it seems somewhat outdated. I do really doubt about Alberto is being something smartass machine with complicated AI like Freddy's Pizza's ones. Quite questionable. Donatello fix Al's brain and wrote code, synchronize with his remote control. He put information about Cap O'Neil into animatronic's head. All this pictures are kind of massage: "You was created for birthday celebrations. You are machine, and there concepts of "life" and "birth". Do great party for this birthday kid and April won't be like this". Or, something like that.

So Alberto did - do a memorable party. And he do what his creator programmed him to do, but in his way.

4. In other words, Alberto was a tool to impress April. Don flaunts himself in front of her, stating how he did the upgrade while doing the upgrade, even though April is fully aware of his tech wizard. And his abilities supposed to help Cap O'Neil to finish the birthday party, so she will stay at her job, not fired. All thanks to Donnie and his upgrade Alberto. (Or not)

By the way, Donnie was the last to leave April in ruined "Alberto's". And it's not an isolated case, it is a pattern.

5. They understand each other without words.

First, Donny came at her at the speed of light. Second, she hadn't even finished speaking before Dee was taking Al apart. Third, their chaotic, well-coordinated work? Donnie was a distraction (although he wanted to just take a break from the battle or let Alberto's guard down, while April just knocked him out). Donnie and April are great team, and sometimes the DonniexApril team is much more precise, coordinated, and interdependent than the DonniexBrothers one.

D&A feel each other and anticipate each other's actions, their skills complement each other, creating an incredible synergy of their interaction. They act as a whole, while it's not always possible with his brothers, even though they're family and know each other the way more Donnie know April. And Dee hasn't trained with cap O'Neil.

Donatello didn't show his crush for April. No puppy, loving eyes, no lovey-dovey speeches, no planning schemes (at least, the audience don't see one) . He just want her attention, but stays cool and hidden. D is already her BFF, but still.

The same thing is claimed in 5B episode - Mascot Melee. Donnie has no problems with interaction with idol of his childhood - Atomic Lass. She'd put Leo in a stupor, but Donnie? He playfully challenges her to a dance duel. Yes, he adores this character, who may have become his measure of the attractiveness of others to Donatello, determined his type. But still, he's playing all cool and confident guy, he's really smooth with girls, so you will never see a puppy loving eyes from him. Only two things can betray him at this point: his voice and his body language. Remember, how's soft his voice became for Atomic Lass? Now I want you to remember the scene before, in turtle tank, when April sent guys a meme.

D is the first to respond to the message, despite the fact that Mikey is sitting closest to the screen. And the responding is a little too emotional for this situation, don't you think?

And this face of his. And he comments it. He likes her sense of humour.

The only difference between April and Atomic Lass is that the first one is a real girl who is a friend of their family, practically a member of it; and the other one is just a fictional character. It is easier to say about love for a fictional character, because it brings less problems for a teenager, especially when he is living with three brothers and a father who likes to tease as well. Donatello needs to be careful and outline the area of emotions he could show, so that he does not get hurt.

Now, dear passangers, we are returning to the previous episode, shall we?

Donnie presents to his brothers his precious Turtle tank, but she's gone, and it's really necessary to find out, who has taken her. And the first person to suspect is April.

Something is odd, don't you think? Yeah, Raphael has taken tyre for their "Midnight special", Leo claimed that Donnie's stuff is common, but they are D's beothers. It's natural for family to borrow(stole) stuff of each other. But this trend was not observed in April. She would never steal anything from Donnie, much less steal anything from him.

Actually, there is a good, logical and solid explanation here. April was number 1 in Donatello' suspect list, because he simply told her about Turtle tank. His brothers didn't know he were working at Moon buggy, except Mikey (Orange helps Dee get the vehicle from Repomantis), but they didn't know what exactly Donnie was working for. They didn't know he build the Turtle tank, he kept it a secret, to surprise his brothers. But April knew.

- Alright you! Where's our turtle tank?

- Hi, DONNIE. You have 9 seconds to say, why are you just broke my door.

- Someone's stole Donnie's turtle tank.

- Haha-ow, I see. As your best friend, you naturally suspect me.

- She gets it!

- Oh-ho, don't give me that! You're the only one could taken it!

The only one, because she knew about it.

As Splints said in this episode - "April is not a snitch"

Donatello does trust April and share with her both, sorrows and joys. But we are not shown this directly. We do not see the action itself, we do not see their calls and conversations on the phone late at night, we only see the consequence. We have no choice and take it as a given.

And the way she cooled him down? Fast, efficient, and Donnie seems to used to it. Moreover, she slapped everyone, but still, she throw Don out of window the last. However, why such a large time delay between him, being slapped and him, was throwing out of the window?

And my favourite scene. It was obvious that Donnie had taken the hardest hit (judging by his scream and the way he was putting his knuckles back in place). Don then claims that their inner circle is secure, Mikey tries to make amends for everyone, and April agrees, blowing them a kiss and closing the window. Cute and mean, isn't it? (You're cute! but mean! why do I always go for your type?! - ep. War and Pizza)

Nota bene: Donnie wouldn't apologize to April. Tough, not caring badass boy image, remember? Even to best friends. It's hard to him to express his feelings by using words, he cannot do it in proper way. But he has Mikey, who is so alike inner him. Michelangelo apologizes not only for himself, but for D mostly, because D starts suspected April.

Let's continue: the episode 8B: Hypno Part Deux

• Donnie put "Donnie's blocker" at April's phone to protect her.

It's common thing that your friend install some programs or apps on your device. But you will always ask your friend to do such a favour, and you will always know about what, when and where were installed on your phone.

And April didn't know Donnie had done something with her phone. It was a real surprise for her, to see blocker with "Donnie says no-no-no".

And you know, the interface of his app. The way he tell this current phrase. Donnie could put a huge banner "THE APP YOU WANT DOWNLOAD TO IS A REAL PIECE OF GARBAGE", as usual antiviruses do. But no, voice interface. It makes the app more personal and thoughtful. Because when Don made gifts for his brother, the program was voiced by a computer-generated female voice. Yes, the tank's interface is voiced by Donatello himself, but his voice sounds more like Google than the real Don. And, we talking about HIS BABEY, for a second. Bit still, the point remains.

• Also, Dale.

Dale is nerdy boy in purple, wow, how convenient for making a parallel with certain purple turtle.

But thing is, April doesn't like Dale. He's clingy, remora guy, who has a little obsession with April, even he's not harmful, still, such behaviour freaks girls (and not them only) out. Her classmate is usually tell her what April O'Neil is "his favourite person" and he loves her. There is little that is attractive about this behavior.

So, there is nothing new and unpredictable here that Dale was rejected. Because April didn't, doesn't and won't like him because of his lame personality and strange behaviour. Our girl in yellow do right thing: she clearly sets personal boundaries and does not allow any dubious personalities to invade them. So that's the reason she refuses to go on a date with him at the end. He's weird, obsessed, and she doesn't like him.

Donatello, as far as I concerned from different versions of TMNT, was always a little obsessive with some things. And, you know, putting a blocker inside your best friend's phone seems a little weird, because it's, in simple words, violation of privacy and personal space. And there are people who may regard this as stalking or sorta.

Yeah, for the most part, he gets away with it, not only because April's focus is in a different area, but also because their bond is stronger than April's with anyone else at school.

She has known him for years. Donnie is her best friend. I can't say that it's fine to her when Dee violates her personal space - her phone, but April can accept Donatello's personality in general.

And he does really have good intentions. Donnie installed this blocker, developed by himself only for one reason: to protect personal space April from fishy apps from nowhere, from being hacked and etc. Don knew her too well, how much she depends on stupid apps that will distract her. He also knew well, that he can't be with her 24/7 to fix problems with April's phone, so Dee put a part of himself to prevent any harm in the future.

And again, "Donnie's gifts"'s vibes. Donatello genuinely cared about April, because he wrote, coded, developed, designed, and dubbed it, turned on the database, and installed it all on April's phone. 'cause, you know, writing programs in general is a bit of a hassle, but writing an antivirus is much more difficult, because viruses are changing, and questionable applications are finding ways to bypass. Do you feel how much effort Dee put in for her?

But Donatello didn't mean to fix April, as he tried to do with his brothers. Purple turtle accepts this girl the way she is, and tries his best to play smoothly with April, by adjusting, not being passive aggressive jerk. It's his outstanding way to show his caring nature, soft side.

Remember, small but meaningful actions.

Maybe, Donnie also can foresee that April may be forced to download some suspicious program, but still, it work: he managed to prevent April being hypnotized, even if couldn't be physically with April at the this moment - Dee was working for Repo Mantis, building dog's paradise for Todd. That's why, by the way, Leo and Raph were dragged into this whole situation. Mayham would teleported literally anyone to help his hostess. Donnie just wasn't at the Lair at the moment.

And on this note, we'll take a break for now. Stay tuned, expect parsing of the series, there's a lot to discuss.

Part 2

Part 3

#rottmnt #rise of tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja #rise donnie #rise donatello #rottmnt donatello #hamato donatello #april o'neil #rise april #rottmnt april #aprilxdonnie #rottmnt apritello #apritello #lonnnnnnnng post #sorry not sorry #zero regrets #apritello express

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whetstonefires · 4 years

Text

in the shadows

hey guess who has two thumbs and just spent 5 hours straight writing another batman AU?

Batman wasn’t a person.

He faked it very well. When the League gathered, the line of his mask against pale skin looked natural and human, a little more perfectly fitted than the Flash’s but not quite as perfect as Green Lantern’s, which was an energy projection and not a real object and thus lay against his face flawlessly, without shift or gap.

His mouth didn’t bend into many expressions and his body language wasn’t voluble, but the emotive gestures that he did make were pretty normal. The rare smile seemed honest. He had a heartbeat, perfectly steady. His shadow (almost) always matched the shape that was blocking the light.

The stories that came out of Gotham, about the Bat—those could be exaggerations, born of terror and manipulated perception. Clark, of all people, knew how much you could convince people to believe things that weren’t real, because they made a better story. Even the scraps of photography and film showing a towering thing of black fog and long fangs could have been some clever trick with projectors.

The fact that Superman couldn’t see through his suit just meant it was well made.

He’d had to pool his observations with Diana and J’onn before he’d been sure he wasn’t imagining things. But Martian Manhunter knew shapeshifting, and said the block against his mind when he tried to touch Batman’s thoughts did not feel quite human. And Superman knew what posing as human looked like. And Wonder Woman knew truth, and its absence.

Batman wasn’t human. Which wasn’t the problem, of course.

The problem was that he was pretending he was. Pretending it rigorously in a situation where there shouldn’t be any need, unless he had something worse to hide. Pretending it in a way that overlaid on a certain inhuman predatory grace began to look very dangerous indeed.

Superman could see both things in him now, watching narrow-eyed through a roof into the room where Batman bent over a child’s bed, cape swirling up larger and darker than he let it get around them. The man and the hungry creature, flipping in and out of focus, neither ever gone but superimposed, like a trick picture that was two things at once.

Knuckles ghosted over the boy’s cheek, claws turned inward, and the child sighed softly, and sunk deeper into sleep. Batman’s heart wasn’t beating, but Clark could monitor the child’s vitals easily from here.

Batman drew his hand back, and tipped his head up—looking back at Superman as though the roof was no more a barrier to his perceptions than to Clark’s. Waited a beat, as if making sure his attention had been noticed, and then passed soundlessly between the other beds to the window, slid it open, and launched himself out through it and up onto the roof.

He didn’t bother to restrain himself to even a plausible approximation of human limits, now. The arm he reached up to the edge of the roof to pivot himself up by was too long, and his shoulder rotated further than it should have been able to, and he landed with impossible soundlessness in a billow of cape that was far, far larger than any cape that only reached to his heels should have managed, and which faded out at the edges into shadow. He knew he was found out.

Superman took the obvious invitation, and sunk down to join him. It was better, sitting like this, facing the same way on the ridgepole of a two-story building. Batman hadn’t hurt that child, that he could tell. There was no need to make this a confrontation.

“I don’t understand why,” he said at last. Out of deference for sleeping children, he kept his voice soft—he would have worried about a human being able to hear it, but now he knew he didn’t have to worry about that with Batman. “Why go to so much trouble to deceive us? We haven’t kept secret what we are. Not from you.”

Alien, alien, user of alien weapon, magical princess…

Batman sighed. He spoke almost as softly as Clark had, and his voice sounded the same as ever, except for the fact that a human voice couldn’t get this quiet without falling into a whisper. “I’m not like you.” He turned.

He’d let some of the details of his human mask fall away—what must have been the exhaustively rendered texture of skin, the flakes of dry skin on chapping lips, a crease at the corner of his mouth that had suggested he scowled or smiled more, outside of his costume. There was no pretense of a jawbone, under the skin, though the jawline externally hadn’t changed. The cowl still looked like something he was wearing, but Clark knew it was not. It flexed like skin when Batman narrowed his blank white eyes and said, “I can see you know that.”

“You’ve visited that kid every day for weeks,” Clark said. “Why?”

Batman stared at him. “How long have you known?”

“Batman…”

“You’re confronting me now because you’re worried about my intentions toward Dick. He changed your mind about something. Ergo, you’ve been sitting on this for a while. How long have you known I wasn’t real?”

That was such a bizarre choice of words Clark almost skipped answering the question to chase it down, but he held himself back. This wasn’t a story, and Batman wasn’t even a hostile source so far, if it had been. “Wonder Woman, J’onn and I pooled our observations about four months ago, in April. We were pretty sure by the time we finished comparing notes.” He shrugged. “I suspected something a long time before that, but it’s hard to say when it started to be more than…a feeling.”

“A feeling,” Batman echoed. “Yes, it would start there.”

“So?” Superman prompted. He had liked Batman. He was the last person who could insist that someone hiding the truth of his own nature was reprehensible, though the sting he’d felt about it was an uncomfortable reminder of how much most of his friends would resent him, if they knew the truth. So he’d meant to let it lie, until Batman chose to trust them, or gave them a reason not to trust him. “Why have you been visiting…Dick?”

It wouldn’t be suspicious on its own—well, not very suspicious, all things considered, in context—except that Batman had changed, around the same time. Diana said his presence seemed deeper, Clark thought he seemed to be having trouble staying within the outlines of his human mask. J’onn agreed that he seemed somehow more powerful.

Batman stayed silent a long time. Eighteen heartbeats from the boy below them, slower than those of his peers because he had an athlete’s conditioning already and was more deeply asleep than most of them. At last, the being beside him confessed, “He’s carrying me.”

“What?”

“You noticed I’m stronger now,” Batman said matter-of-factly, in a way that almost managed to cover up emotion. “That’s his doing. I was…fading, when you met me. Not up to capacity. I’m not really meant to exist that way.” He glanced over at Superman again, as though evaluating his reaction, and Clark wondered if he had really needed to do that—if he really only saw out of his eyes. J’onn could make eyes anywhere he wanted some, but he needed them to see. Batman seemed somehow less constrained by biology than that.

“Is it hurting him?”

“No! No. It…shouldn’t.” Batman ghosted a sigh, voiceless, inhuman as the wind. “I don’t know that it’s good for a child to be around me. But I’m not…taking anything from him. I’m not…feeding on him, if that’s what you think.”

It was what Clark had feared. And probably anything that would eat a child would also lie about it, but Batman was his teammate and very nearly his friend. So it was reassuring to have it so firmly denied. He’d come braced for only a little and no lasting damage and he said it was fine.

“Please,” he said. “Can you explain it to me?”

“I suppose I have to.” Batman tipped his head back, to look up at the few stars that smudged themselves visible through the red blanket of light-polluted smog overhead. Clark could make out more of them, even with his ordinary visible-light vision, than a human could have. He wondered what Batman saw. “Will you tell the others for me? Your little conspiracy?”

“Not Green Lantern and Flash?”

“Hal and Barry can figure me out on their own.” That dry sense of humor was the same, even if it was bending amusement onto a mouth that could no longer pass as human.

A breath Clark suspected he didn’t need was drawn. “A different little boy made me up,” Batman said. “Bruce Wayne. You can look the story up in the newspaper archives.

“It was a little over twenty years ago, in Gotham. A mugger shot his parents in front of him.” Another slanted glance, and then he looked away again. He certainly acted like he needed his eyes to see. “It wasn’t more terrible than things that happen to a hundred other people every day, really. But he was the right kind of terrified and angry, in the right place, at the right moment…the police reports all say he tackled the mugger from behind, and got lucky that the man hit his head. But it was me. I took him down.”

He raised his face back toward the smudged stars. “I was such a small thing, then. If that vengeance had been enough—the killer taken in and sentenced, brought to justice—I would have faded away again. Things like me are summoned and dispelled that way all the time. Or he could have taken me back into himself—the danger was past, it wasn’t a chronic part of his existence, so I would have reintegrated, probably, and not hung around rising up to protect him for the rest of his life, and probably disrupting it in the process.”

That amused quirk to the horizontal slash of a mouth, again. “But it wasn’t enough. Not for him. He clung. He brooded. He wanted to protect everyone. And I grew.” Bittersweet and fond. “I grew until I really could help. Until anyone could see me, any time I liked. Until I was solid enough to get in half a dozen fights in one night without my blows starting to go right through the enemy.”

There was no way Batman was letting him know these things about how he worked, when he wasn’t holding back, by accident. They were being given.

“Where’s Bruce now?” Clark asked. Knowing it was probably a painful topic, but hoping to hear it was some rule of magic out of a storybook, that only a child had the right kind of belief to sustain a projection of this nature. That Bruce Wayne had grown up and moved on and had a career and a family, and perhaps didn’t remember that Batman was something he’d made.

Batman’s eyes closed, and vanished completely into the black of his head. He’d kept unspooling all the while he’d been talking, Clark realized, and the gouts and folds and flame-like flickers of his cape now sprawled over more than half the roof, leaving a great circle of open space around Superman himself, and a broad open route away from Batman, as though he couldn’t just go straight up if he wanted to get away. The billows of it had now collapsed in on themselves. His voice, when he spoke, was hushed and solemn, but calm. “He didn’t make it to sixteen. He died tackling a gunman who’d been holding up a corner store where he happened to be, buying junk food he wasn’t supposed to have. The cashier fumbled the register key and bent over to pick it up, and the man panicked and started shooting. Bruce saved lives, that night. But he didn’t survive. Because I wasn’t there. I was away protecting other people, like he’d asked me to.”

“I’m sorry,” Clark said. Inadequate as always, but more so, when he’d pushed for this truth and didn’t even understand enough to know how to offer comfort. He reached out to offer a comforting, boundary-respecting brief pat on the shoulder, like he might have when he had less idea what Batman was, and his hand hung still in the air, as the face Batman turned toward him was human again, so abruptly that even to his accelerated visual perceptions it looked like some sort of glitch.

“This is his face,” Batman told him, and the grief that hadn’t been in his voice before was worn on it, in the pull of the mouth and the bend of pain around the blank white eyes. He looked like he might cry. “The way he would have looked. He never…grew this far, but…”

“In memory of him, then,” Superman said, soothing, and was able to deliver the pat on the shoulder and withdraw. It sounded like Batman was in some ways the only surviving part of Bruce Wayne, and as such had every right to his appearance, but he clearly didn’t think of himself that way, and it wasn’t Clark’s place to try to alter his self-concept, or even make comment when he’d only just been introduced to it. “That seems appropriate.”

Batman shrugged. It looked very human, except for the way the cape parts of him reacted. “I knew it best.”

Had he held the memory of his…creator’s face in his head, updating it carefully to how he would have looked with every year or month that passed? That couldn’t be healthy. It also might be unavoidable, considering Batman’s origins.

“You went on protecting Gotham, afterward?”

“What else would I do?”

“And you joined us. When Starro came.” Batman nodded, as though that was only obvious. Clark supposed it was—when you were a supernatural entity created to protect human beings, why would you not answer a call to band together with other superpowered beings to save the world? “Why did you pretend?” he asked. “To be…”

“Human?” Batman asked. He snorted in derision, either at Clark’s inability to choose a word or his own deceit. “It wasn’t the first time. I talk to the police like this, sometimes. Witnesses. It reassures people, to be talking to a…person.”

That was the same reason J’onn made himself look more human, even in blatant green—it wasn’t entirely unlike why Clark kept his own life as Clark, why Superman didn’t wear a mask. “But why…” He’d gone to such lengths, to maintain the façade. Human jaw and teeth, sculpted solid to catch X-ray vision behind flesh he’d carefully made permeable to it, when even now with the image of Bruce Wayne’s face restored he wasn’t bothering. Consistent physical proportions. Always running close against the edge of normal human limits, of strength and speed and length of jump—not hanging back, but not throwing himself onto the front line either, contributing as much with tactics and analysis as actual combat. “Why try so hard to convince us?”

Batman shrugged. “I wasn’t holding back that much. I told you. I was fading. I was never meant to last. Once it turned out the team wasn’t a one-time thing, I still didn’t want to go through the whole…process of revelation.”

“But you’re doing it now.” Clark found he was grinding his teeth, because he was putting together a picture he didn’t like. “Because. Now you’re expecting to survive.” Batman had been dying. He hadn’t thought it was worth the stress of being honest with them, because he hadn’t expected to exist long enough for their relationships to matter.

Superman glanced down through the roof at the sleeping children, and one child in particular.

“I wasn’t there in time to save his parents, either,” Batman said, and Clark knew that feeling—all this power and yet you could still arrive too late, and be too little. But Batman was defined by that feeling, founded upon it almost, so it probably struck him deeper. “But I was there afterward. I protected him from the followup attacks, meant to stop him testifying about the sabotage he’d witnessed.

“And he clung to me, whenever I came…I do try to comfort them, especially when it’s children, but usually they’re at least a little bit afraid. He wasn’t. And he didn’t have anyone else to cling to. They wouldn’t let his parents’ friends in to see him more than once, and then they left town. And then, after I came to tell him that Zucco and his men were taken care of for good, when I left I felt the distance opening…I realized I was…his, now.”

There was a strange, wondering ache in the way he said it that made it easy for Clark to repress his own discomfort with the idea of anyone belonging to anyone else, and of something that looked like a grown man asserting an intimate personal bond with an unrelated child. Batman was supposed to belong to a child, it was how he’d been made, and he’d expected to die by inches in the absence of the one who’d made him, and now he suddenly wasn’t. This little orphan was the most precious thing in his world, that was plain, and to Clark at least it was equally plain that he felt a deep guilt at replacing the boy who had been his world before.

He wondered, suddenly, if Batman had ever been this honest with anyone in his existence. Had he been this open even with his Bruce, or had his need to protect led him to put on a front, and conceal every uncertainty?

The pale smudge of Batman’s face was still and remote, and his voice was nearly calm, but the darkness of his cape had spilled out over the whole roof now, and it was gently writhing. The route out for Superman, opposite Batman’s main body, had shrunk to the merest footpath. Was that there out of instinct, or a more conscious courtesy?

“You don’t have to leave that,” Superman said quietly, flipping his thumb toward the corridor of open shingle and beam. “I know you aren’t trying to trap me, and it won’t anyway.”

The path snapped shut almost instantaneously, and a little of the strain in the atmosphere faded—Batman had been holding himself back from encircling him completely only with continuous effort. Why? Did he naturally expand to fill the available space? Or was expanding in the form of the cape an expression of emotion that was uncomfortable to suppress, in the same way it was hard to sit still when you felt anxious, or hold your tongue when you got mad?

His teammate’s whole torso was turned away, now, and this too was easy to read—shame at his own inhumanity. In front of Clark, of all people. But then, Clark made it look easy, didn’t he? It even was easy for him, when it came to things like looking like he fit in.

J’onn should have been the one to come. But it disconcerted him not to be able to pick up anything Batman did not intentionally share—Clark didn’t think he’d learned to read human body language yet, beyond the most obvious things—and Batman had been known to use fire.

“It didn’t seem wise to seem to be trying to threaten you,” Batman said flatly, into the night.

“Thank you,” said Superman, because while he didn’t mind at this point, it would definitely have made him uncomfortable earlier, before Batman had made himself so vulnerable. “Could you, do you think?”

A sidelong look. “You’re less invulnerable to magic,” Batman said. “Probably.”

Something to keep in mind. The Flash was the only teammate he had now that he was reasonably sure he could take three falls out of three. Maybe they could start practicing against each other, if they could find somewhere they could risk making a mess on that scale. Sparring—he and Diana had tried it out, gingerly. If Batman wanted to stretch out his re-expanding powers in a secure environment…

“Do you have any plans, going forward?” Now that he had a future to plan for.

“I have someone who helps me,” Batman replied. “Bruce’s guardian, after his parents died. He wanted to leave Gotham, after…but he stayed. To try to help the city, in Bruce’s memory. And to keep an eye on me.” The amusement this time was bitter. “We don’t really get along. He thinks Bruce died because of me—that I made him feel invulnerable, and then didn’t protect him. He’s projecting. But I suppose that’s what I’m for.”

Clark made a face; he didn’t like the idea of people being for purposes. Even people who’d been made. This wasn’t the time to argue about it. “But he helps you?”

“He helps.” Batman glanced down, toward Dick’s bed, as though once again he could see through the roof. “I’m trying to get him to agree to take Dick in. He did a good job with Bruce, even if he doesn’t think so.”

“Will that be the best for Dick?” Clark asked, as neutrally as he could manage. He could tell Batman’s intentions were good, but he didn’t know if putting a child entirely within the influence of a supernatural being that had latched onto him, without an external line of support, was a good idea. On the other hand, putting him in the care of an adult who would know he wasn’t delusional could only help. And Clark could be the outside support, if necessary—not that he wasn’t under Batman’s influence himself, but he wasn’t within his circle of it the way this Alfred seemed to be, resentment or not. The resentment might be the most dangerous part.

What part of this train of thought Batman sensed, he couldn’t tell, as his comrade only retorted, “It can’t be worse than here!”

A group home with four beds to a room certainly wasn’t the best environment, but surely he couldn’t be here much longer. “Have you talked to him about it?”

“He doesn’t get much privacy. He agreed to meet with Alfred last time he ducked into a closet while I was there, so now Alfred’s the focus of the plan.” Batman sighed again. “He’s so brave,” he said fondly. “It worries me. I wish he were somewhere safe.”

The wild impulse rose to offer to step in, to take the role of legal guardian if this Alfred wouldn’t. Clark sat on it. He didn’t want a child, he wasn’t equipped to care for a child, CPS would be able to see that perfectly well in a single reporter in his 20s living in a one-bedroom apartment in a somewhat run-down building. He didn’t even live in the same state, and child placement was handled on a state-by-state basis so even petitioning for custody would be horrifically involved, never mind obtaining it. Also, he had a secret identity to protect.

He couldn’t always help. The hardest lesson in life, and one he had to keep relearning.

“So your plans are…to get Dick into a safe home environment.”

“And keep him alive,” Batman affirmed. Quick, and firm, and almost not obvious about what a vital goal this was to him. Keeping this child alive, the way he’d failed to keep the one before.

“Of course.” Clark nodded. If everything he’d been told was true—and he thought it was, it felt true—then there was no need for the League to intervene. Gotham was probably safer than it had ever been. “Can I meet him, sometime?” Partly to do his part as an outside support network. Partly because he was curious, to meet this child who’d been able to reach his hand into Batman’s chest and close his fingers around his heart.

Batman glanced over, and then seemed to relax. Even the endless piles of his cape seemed suddenly to behave more like ordinary fabric. “I passed, then?”

“What?” Oh. Of course he’d known. Clark had hardly been sneaky. “Yes.”

“Not that I know what you were planning to do if I hadn’t.”

Clark didn’t know either, other than get Dick away of he seemed to need it.

“All of this is off the record, of course,” Batman added. It was a testament to how distracted Superman was by Batman’s problems that it took a long second for him to realize the potential implications of that choice of words, and read in Batman’s posture and the way his cape had developed hooks of tension in some of its folds that they were entirely intentional.

“How long have you known?” he asked.

“You attended a press event in Gotham two years ago. You still feel like you, no matter how you dress.”

“Well.” Superman tried to shake the sudden tension out of his shoulders. Batman was a good detective and data analyst, that hadn’t changed with the rest of it. He’d certainly tracked down the name of the gentleman from the Planet. “I guess that’s fair. And of course it’s off the record. I won’t even tell J’onn and Diana anything but the basics without your permission.”

“Oh.” Batman clearly hadn’t expected that. “Why?”

“You have a right to your privacy.” Clark thought back over his own approach to the whole situation and said, with a gentleness born somewhat of guilt, “You are a person, after all.”

“I’m really not,” Batman said, corner of his mouth ticking up just slightly to underline the easy irony in his voice. But the great spread of cape had fallen into easier, more geometric wrinkles, and Clark was beginning to learn to trust that over what he said with his borrowed face. Though he could almost definitely lie with the cape part of himself, too, if he needed to.

“Don’t…” His tongue flickered across the back of his teeth; be brave, Kent. “Don’t talk about my friend that way, huh?”

#hoc est meum #my fic #batman #imaginary friend batman #world's finest #somewhat to my surprise #protective batman #inhuman batman #superman #people talking on roofs

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