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bittersweetmorality · 3 years

Text

— chuuya boyfriend headcannons (sfw & nsfw)+ drabble

☾ genre: SFW and NSFW Headcannons (NSFW section is marked-- 18+)

☾ pairing: Nakahara Chuuya x GN!reader (reader is given the name ‘mommy’ in the drabble)

☾ warnings: none for the SFW– general smut for the NSFW ??

☾ w/c: 1,978 words

☾ a/n: hey lol :D as a certified chuuya fucker, i just had to. i literally have like three other chuuya drafts that i’m currently working on. hopefully they turn out like i want and i can post them bc :| the chuuya tag is starving. anyway i hope i can populate it just a tad. thanks for reading bugs !

— SFW

lemme start off by saying that he will treat yo ass RIGHT. ON MY MOMMA.

not to bring his trauma into this already but :| my man has major abandonment issues. he will not do anything to jeopardize your relationship, and he honestly just values your happiness above anything else

you just know how much he cares about the fellow members of the mafia– even though they don’t requite the same amount of love that he gives them, he still loves them wholeheartedly

even dazai

little shit

his love language is definitely touch and gift-giving. no i don’t accept criticism because i’m right

you’re telling me he wouldn’t absolutely spoil you with expensive gifts ?? mans is a mafia executive– he’s making hella bank, and he is spending it all on you

he’s also definitely a pretty clingy significant other, but good luck trying to get him to admit that :|

his life is… well… yaknow

there’s always a lot going on there..... he’s stresst

he wants nothing more than to just hold you in his arms after a long day-- especially if he just came back from a hard day at work

times like this are when he’s most clingy-- he feels like he almost lost you, and now he never wants to let you go

many, many times he’s fallen asleep like this; you’re basically suffocating in his grip as his eyelids flutter closed, either on the couch or your bed

but of course you’re not going to complain

and he’s so glad you don’t

he’s also the type to almost never explicitly say that he loves you at first, it’s simply not something that comes naturally to him

instead he indulges in his love languages profusely, and he just hopes you get the message

he’s also afraid that you’ll leave him if he says something like that, so for a long time he doesn’t :(

so when you come home to a bottle of expensive wine wrapped in an exquisite red ribbon, you know he just wants to tell you how much he loves you

eventually, of course he’s comfortable with you enough to say it, and it comes completely natural

and since he’s such a romantic, he says it every morning when you wake up, and before you go to bed without fail

he’s definitely the type to show you off too

like, as he’s having a conversation with someone, he’ll suddenly get really loud when talking about you so everyone within a three-mile radius can hear

“well, you see i would go out drinking with you tonight, but i actually have a date. with my partner. you know them, right? here’s a picture i took of them a few days ago, just look a-”

also: biggest hype man

you could open a jar of jam and he’d be like “holy shit, you go babe”

nakahara chuuya kiss me rn challenge

anyway, basically he’ll love and support you no matter what

like truly you’re like a walking ray of sunshine to him

anyway !!!! DATES !!!!!!!

dates with chuuya are planned. always.

like i SAID he’s a hopeless ROMANTIC MY GOD

he absolutely loves picking you up at your doorstep and taking you for a ride around town on his motorcycle

speaking of which, your arms wrapping around his middle and squeezing him tight as he drives the bike is literally his favorite thing in the world. oh my god you’re going to make him melt

and i know for a fact your first kiss with him was after he dropped you off at your door when your first date was at its end

it was almost completely perfect honestly, except when your faces were just mere inches from one another, his hat bumped into your forehead and fell to the ground

baby was so embarrassed-- he went bright red and picked up his hat, basically shielding his face

he just wanted the date to be completely perfect– and it was!! until that happened

but obviously you just let out a light giggle and pulled him against you, and he quickly closed the gap between your lips

also, chuuya sleeps in

he sleeps a lot <33

that being said he loves lazy mornings

it’s well past 11, but you’re still laying in his arms– who is he to get up?? and disturb the peace??????

he will not.

also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t even emphasize this enough, but please comb your fingers through his hair

there’s a chance he might melt into a puddle on the spot and never recover but still

on the rare occasion where he’s the little spoon--

(which, speaking of which, @dazai-centric has a headcannon that chuuya always insists on being the big spoon no matter what, but on rare occasions he lets himself be wrapped up in your arms and THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.)

anyway, so on this rare occasion

where his head is basically buried in the junction between your shoulder and your neck, and you just rake your fingers through his hair softly

he dead. dead as hell.

and ERRRRM. kisses with him are just……… wow…………

naturally, he always wants to be the best at everything-- it’s just his personality

and kisses are no exception

he has to be the BEST

and he is

so, kisses are always so passionate and rough

okay hold on maybe this should go under the NSFW category 😐

ANYWAY!!!! 19472946/10 boyfriend

— NSFW

so rough sex is very common for y’all 😁

he likes to take his frustrations out from the day like this, and honestly you don’t complain

he definitely has a high sex drive so 😁

obviously you have an established safe-word and talk about everything before anything transpires because the LAST thing he wants is to hurt you in any way

but if you ask him to spank you he is definitely not gunna say no <3 chuuya said spanking kink

speaking of kinks

bondage xoxo

this goes both ways— he likes to tie your wrists to the headboard with rope and tie your legs down if you’re okay with it

for him, he likes his wrists cuffed to the bed

but he definitely doesn’t like all of his power stripped away by having him completely tied up

also he loves eye contact

that’s why missionary and mating press are his favorite positions <3

he likes to grab you by the jaw and make you look at him when he’s fucking you

“hey, hey, princess what did we say? if you want to cum, look me in the eyes when i fuck you, yeah?”

he loves praise and degradation equally

but if you’re degrading him don’t go too far :((

degrade slightly him while he’s on the bottom and he’s putty in your hands

now, if you praise him while he’s on top, get ready to not be able to walk for the next 3-5 business days because that’ll feed his ego a LOOOT

and he’ll just get lost in the moment because he loves you....... so much

he degrades you slightly, but only during foreplay

he calls you his little slut, or his whore

“aw, so wet for me and we’re barely getting started, doll. such a little whore, aren’t you?”

when you actually get into it, it’s all praise from him

he wants you to know how important you are to him, how good you feel and just everything on his mind

he loses his filter in the moment awn god

“so fucking perfect, i only want you. you’re mine. god, you feel so fucking good.”

he loves to hear you too-- it really feeds his ego

but sometimes if he’s really had a rough day, he’ll make you gag on his finger or wrap his hand around your neck

he doesn’t squeeze too hard nor genuinely make you gag, he just likes the way your eyes are barely able to meet his because he’s making you feel so good

but ANYWAY pet names are a MUST with him

he calls you doll, sweetheart, princess, baby, dove, doll

basically every sweet name under the sun during sex

he likes you to call him sir 😁

this man has no shame when it comes to noise

like absolutely none

since he’s possessive, he wants people to know he’s fucking you, and how good he feels because of you

no one else can make him feel that way and he wants everyone to know

so he’s LOOOUUUDD,,,, especially in your ear

he likes leaning down and moaning in your ear, just to get a reaction out of you

he makes fun of you for it later on, and you have his full permission to smack that smug little smirk off his face

but the amount of times you had to stop mid-way because y’all got knocks on your door from your neighbours 😐 they’re so sick of y’all

on average, you have sex at least 4 times a week

that’s not including quickies tho

did i mention that chuuya loves quickies <3

especially when it’s in his office and he fucks you on his desk

and because he doesn’t care who hears him-- you bet your ass the entire Port Mafia has heard you

he likes to go down on you for quickies more than actual sex, and he will respectfully never decline a blowjob

because he’s a gentleman

anyway

sorry to any of y’all who have a breeding kink,,, but chuuya definitely does not

he’s so afraid of having kids

moving on

onto sub!chuuya

did somebody say SWITCH 🤨☝️

chuuya did <3

now for a long time he doesn’t really let his submissive side out because,,, it’s a really vulnerable part of him yaknow?

but after a while, and after he’s completely trusted you to take care of him like that

oh boy

bottom bitch <3

still loud as HELL

except it’s less of moaning and more of whining

he’s such a whiner

and a brat

mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mo

also i don’t really know how else to describe it but-- if you force him to look you in the eyes and use a stern tone

..........dead. dead as hell.

now take this drabble as a tribute to sub!chuuya

“and why should i listen to you? what are you gunna do?” chuuya furrowed his brows at you, as if he was challenging you.

“aw, baby,” you leaned down from your position of straddling him, caging his head between your arms. “you still have so much to say even though your hands are handcuffed to the bed. so bold, aren’t you?” you stroked his lower lip gently, and he whimpered lowly in response.

suddenly, you sat up, getting into a position to prepare to get up off of him completely, “but, you’re right. what am i going to do? i guess i’ll just leave you here for the rest of the night. go-”

“WAIT!! NO- I-” he bit his lip to stop any more words from escaping him.

“’wait’? is there something you wanna say, baby?” your legs trapped his once again.

“... please.”

he averted your gaze, and you reached down to grip his jaw sternly, moving his head to face you completely.

“please what?”

no answer.

“you know i can’t read your mind, baby. you’re going to have to use your w-”

“please fuck me.” the words tumbled out of his mouth, almost too quickly to even be audible, still, your lips shifted into a gentle smile.

but you weren’t completely content with him yet.

“and what’s my name?”

“...mommy.”

“and you want mommy to fuck you, is that right?”

“...yes. please...”

you planted a passionate kiss onto his lips, and upon breaking it, you shifted closer to his ear.

“well, i can’t say no since you asked so nicely, now can i?”

masterlist

#chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #chuuya x you #chuuya scenarios #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd smut #chuuya imagines #chuuya fluff

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autisticchicc · 3 years

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Autism and Love

TW: Mentions of physical and emotional abuse, drug-related metaphor

Love and obsession, for me, are separated by a very thin line. Even if I weren’t autistic, I know I would still love fiercely, but I also know that autism has a profound effect on the way that I feel and express love.

In my life there have been numerous occasions where I thought I was in love, and I often still debate with myself about whether I have ever been ‘in love’. Nowadays I tend to take the view that love is something very personal, and just because it doesn’t last doesn’t make it any less valid. Being someone who is still on good or even great terms with all of my ex partners, I’d say I absolutely loved them at one point in my life. Maybe I still do love them, but I live a strictly categorised life. That love is now a purely a platonic love that comes from knowing and trusting someone for a long time. That ability to categorise so strictly is something some of my exes have had a hard time coming to terms with, I am quick to move them into the platonic love category and keep them there. Once someone has been placed in the platonic category, they do not leave. I don’t get back with ex-partners, and I don’t actually think its possible due to that strict categorisation.

My very first boyfriend sent me a message the other day asking if I ever still think about him. I replied honestly and said that I do not. I think that this comes from the strict categorisation too. If you are my friend, I think about you, but not that often. I have a lot of things happening in my head at all times, a sensory cornucopia that is exhausting to sort through, a conscious stream of five or six trains of thought, and my special interests. Special interests are a really intriguing factor in the context of autistic love, because I believe that the intense focus and adoration we treat our interests with absolutely translates to the people we fall in love with.

Anyone who has been close friends with me while in a relationship knows how insufferable I am when I love someone. I talk about them at any given opportunity, for longer than the other person probably cares to hear about it at times. When I love someone, they become a source of great inspiration, I find the characters I write resembling them, I could spend hours editing pictures and videos of them, my artwork is littered with their image. Love, for me, is an all-encapsulating thing. It invades every aspect of my life, consciously or subconsciously. They become the most beautiful person in my eyes, I drink in their image as though dehydrated. Curiously, even things I perhaps did not like about them before suddenly become things I look at fondly. Something about that shift from like to love, it is a very powerful shift for me.

Ironically, I’m not very forthright with my expressions of love. After mulling it over for years, I’ve realised that I’ve been conditioned to believe that love and pain go hand in hand. When you love someone, you must expect them to hurt you. At least, that’s what I thought until I deconstructed why I thought that. I had become accustomed to people weaponising my love for them, using it to blackmail me emotionally or to excuse physical abuse. As such, although I feel so deeply for the people I love, I am always very anxious about showing it in ways that can be used against me. I don’t show them the story or the art that I created inspired by them, for fear that they might think me obsessed for spending so much time on something pertaining to them.

I get very embarrassed when performing acts of service for my partners. I enjoy tidying and cleaning a lot, and I often want to do it for my partners to make their lives easier, but I get scared that they will think I’m being subservient and that they can take advantage of me. When I see my partner enjoying something or fostering a talent, I desperately want to invest in it, buy them tools and find resources so that they can develop it further, but am scared that they will think me strange and over-enthusiastic. I’m the kind of partner that loves extremely hard, and wants to express it as such, but I cannot quite get over the shame.

I have only recently been able to engage in non-sexual physical touch without flinching. Learning that touch is your love language when you have been shying away from it for years is a strange thing. It almost feels like a betrayal of sorts. Why was I denied this thing that I love for so long? And the reality is, it was a part of that fear. I have to be vulnerable with someone in order to allow them to touch me. Vulnerability has never come easily for me, although I always desperately wanted it. Finding someone that I can entangle limbs with, that I can kiss and hug on a whim, that I can show physical affection in my ‘weird’ autistic ways with has been very therapeutic for me. For the first time, I feel like I can have vulnerability and touch without it being thrown back in my face. It feels desired and reciprocated, not only do I want to touch and hold this person, but they want to touch and hold me too.

Another lesson within that has been ensuring that while I maintain my tough, outer visage, I am honest about needing to be soft and fragile sometimes. I have always been forced into being strong and resilient, it was never a conscious choice that I made for myself. I was forever pushed to be strong for other people, constantly making sure that those that needed me didn’t have to see me struggling or breaking under pressure. I never had someone I felt I could truly cry in front of, ugly, drunken sobbing type of crying. At least not without feeling judged or treated like a flight risk. Having someone I can be unapologetically sad in front of and they don’t force me to be strong for their own comfort feels so alien to me, but the relief it fills me with is immense. I am no longer pretending, and I am no longer embarrassed to be fragile. I can break down in front of this person and they will never question my strength.

While crying and vulnerability are certainly an obvious hurdle for plenty of people in relationships, for autistic people there is the added stress of getting used to unmasking in front of a partner. I didn’t get diagnosed for a very long time, which will tell you just how good I am at masking. As a Hispanic girl, a lot of my behaviours weren’t reprimanded too much. Being loud and aggressive is normal in Spanish culture, and oftentimes isn’t even interpreted as aggression the way it is in the UK. Conversely, I did terribly with the tactile nature of social interaction in Spain and among Hispanics. I didn’t want to kiss strangers or even family members on both cheeks, I didn’t like having my cheeks squeezed by old women, and I didn’t like people touching, grabbing, or shaking me. But I was unfortunately forced to do it for my own survival. I don’t know if the sentiments around disabilities have changed in Spain, but the way I remember it in the part I grew up in was that they weren’t talked about. I didn’t even know what disabilities were until I came to the UK.

In England, pretty much every aspect of my behaviour was reprimanded; my loudness, my ‘aggression’, my opinionated disposition, my lack of a filter, my inability to understand my classmates’ feelings… The list goes on and on. At a certain point, I learned to just hold in a lot of my personality until I got home. What I didn’t realise that I was actually holding in some instinctive behaviours in privacy as well, I would flinch and stop if I noticed myself stimming, my face would go red when I couldn’t verbalise properly, and I often found myself practicing facial expressions in the bathroom mirror because I was self-conscious that I wasn’t doing them ‘correctly’. I started my own personal journey so to speak about a year ago to completely unmask, alone. I still cringe when I catch my arms pulling up into ‘t-rex’ form or if I start verbally/physically stimming, but I’m slowly becoming less ashamed of myself.

Consequently, unmasking in front of someone else has been incredibly nerve-wracking. The ‘issue’ (I say issue but it’s quite the opposite) is that I’m so comfortable in my partner’s home that I unmask without even realising it. Something I’ve noticed however, is that half the time they don’t. When my fingers twist and rub against each other, I glance up nervously to see if I’m being watched. No one has even glanced at me. I stammer and mess up my sentence, or my mouth fails halfway through, and yet even then no one laughs or looks at me strangely, they just wait for me to rectify or finish the sentence. I wonder if part of me still thinks I’m under the ultra-critical gaze of my secondary school peers, expecting to be torn to shreds verbally over my quirks as I always was, but it never happens. I have to constantly remind myself that I am well liked here, and my quirks are something people are fond of now.

Overall, love as an autistic person is intense and difficult, but an experience that is so all-consuming it feels almost like you’re on some kind of drug. I’m a very logical, science-based person, but love is one of the few things that still feels remotely magical to me. It can draw me out of my cold, black and white world and into an illogical whirlpool of emotion. I rarely act on emotion alone, but love is something that certainly has the power to make me do so. It embarrasses me a lot, it makes me feel out my depth, it makes me behave in ways I normally wouldn’t, but I’ll endure those feelings any day for the reward. I still have a long way to go before I can properly express myself to a partner, but one day I’d really like to be able to show them all my projects inspired by them, and the true level of sappiness I’m capable of (lol).

#autism #asd #aspergers #autism and love #asd and love #love #disability #disability and love #aspiegirl #neurodivergent #neurotypical #neurodiverse #autistic #autism spectrum #autism awareness #autism and relationships

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theoriginalladya · 4 years

Note

I Love You Meme, 22. Listening to them while they vent. :)

from this prompt list.

On AO3 here.

You knew it would be Caleb and Kaidan! lol Hope you enjoy and thanks for the prompt! (under cut because it got looooong)

~~~

Kaidan has known Shepard for many years now, and doesn’t surprise him when the stress and strain of leading them through the war starts to show. Since his return to the Normandy he has been warned, particularly by Garrus, that the cracks are there just waiting to break open, so he’s been watching and waiting. And when it comes, it’s a doozy.

This isn’t the first time Kaidan has witnessed Shepard’s temper. He’s witnessed it on numerous occasions, from dressing down the Council after Noveria, to being on the receiving end of it on Horizon. From one end of the galaxy to the other, if you cross Shepard, you put yourself at risk. There are ways back, of course, but few and far between, and these days they are rare indeed.

Kaidan is standing near the galaxy map in the CIC speaking to Traynor regarding a request from Admiral Hackett when Shepard stalks through from the direction of the war room. He has his back to him at first, but Traynor stops speaking mid-sentence, and her eyes widen which alerts him to a problem. Even if he hadn’t, it’s the string of Irish invectives that fill the air that tips him off to the source. Shepard’s abuse of the button to lift is nothing by comparison, though Kaidan still makes note to check it over later in case it requires repairs.

Traynor, eyes still wide as she stares at an obviously agitated Shepard, still cannot speak, and Kaidan cannot help but feel a bit of sympathy for her. Twice he’s been in the direct line of fire – once back on the SR1 and the other on Horizon – and it isn’t a comfortable position to be in. He offers her a reassuring smile and murmurs, “It’s okay.”

Traynor manages to pull her gaze to him briefly, though the unease is still present along with doubt. Smile still in place, he adds, “I’ve got this,” and nods at her console. “Cover for me?”

Her only response is a hesitant nod, but it’s enough and he turns and ducks onto the lift just before the doors close and it starts to move.

He says nothing as the lift rises slowly through the body of the ship, but he does keep his eyes on Shepard. The curses continue seemingly non-stop and with increasing vehemence. Years before, he might have flinched or at the very least asked what was wrong; these days, however, he doesn’t need to. If Shepard has any inkling, he’s never questioned him about it, probably just writes it off to Kaidan understanding his body language or something. But there is more to it, something Shepard isn’t aware of; Kaidan knows, more or less, what Shepard is saying and can gauge far better than he ever could when to let him run out of steam or when to step in.

During the two years Shepard was considered dead, and for reasons Kaidan still has yet to satisfactorily explain to himself, he took the time to learn the very basics of the Irish language. The moments Shepard used it were rare enough back then, but it was something familiar, something that struck a chord inside Kaidan enough that in learning it, it helped ease the ache left behind by the commander’s absence. Shepard spoke it sparingly, usually at times when he was most emotional.

Words of encouragement before he and Jenkins landed on Eden Prime with him in that very first mission; Nár lagaí Dia do lámh! May God not weaken your hand!

A quiet mournful moment as he made a final check on Jenkins after the corporal took a shot from a geth drone, and later for Ashley as the Normandy raced into the atmosphere above Virmire; Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam. May s/he rest in peace.

Curses thrown at the Council just before hanging up on them after they questioned his release of the rachni queen; Go hifreann leat! To hell with you!

And, of course, anytime he and the crew had drinks together be it at a club on the Citadel or even at mealtimes in the mess; Sláinte! Good health!

These days, Kaidan has different reasons for continuing the lessons, though he keeps it private from Shepard.

The lift comes to a stop just outside of the commander’s quarters, and Kaidan’s hears it all. Thankfully, none of the curses seem to be aimed at him, so that’s a plus. He also takes it as permission to follow Shepard into the cabin as he steps out of the lift. By the time Kaidan enters, Shepard is on the lower level pacing back and forth, still muttering. Kaidan leans against the wall next to the fish tank where he can keep and eye and ear on things and remain out of the direct line of fire. Another fifteen minutes pass before Shepard winds down.

“Droch áird chúgat lá gaoithe!”

Silence falls and stays. When it lasts for more than fifteen seconds, Kaidan says, “That one sounded rather tame by comparison to the rest.”

Shepard spins around on his heel, his blue eyes still flaring with spit and fire. Kaidan remains where he is, but replies by simply arching one brow. It’s a bit of a challenge on his part and one, if he isn’t careful, that could backfire, but he’s willing to risk it if it means Shepard will finally relax.

Their eyes meet, hold, and Kaidan gains some satisfaction for his action when Caleb is the first to turn away. He walks over to the desk nearby and fishes out an unfamiliar bottle and two glasses from one of the deep drawers. He then walks over to Kaidan, hands him one as he holds the other, and pours two drinks. With practiced ease, he lifts his glass, murmurs, “Sláinte,” and downs the two fingers-worth in one gulp. “You understood that?” he asks after a minute.

Kaidan chuckles softly and sips at the whiskey – it barely hits his tongue when he realizes it’s the good stuff that Caleb somehow tracked down the last time they were on the Citadel. He doesn’t know how, especially during a time of war, but he isn’t going to argue it, either. “I’ve heard you say all sorts of things over the years,” he replies, hoping it’s enough of an answer while not really giving him one.

Shepard pours himself a second and downs it before running a hand through his hair. When he’s finished, the dark waves are mussed in such a way that much of it falls forward into his eyes. Kaidan can’t help but wonder if he realizes how young it makes him look. Shepard’s back is to him when the commander laughs and shakes his head. “It’s probably better you don’t understand.”

Sensing an opportunity, Kaidan descends to the lower level. “You think?”

The bottle is returned to the desk and Shepard leans his hips against the desk afterward as he faces Kaidan. His lips are slightly curved into the smug smirk that usually denotes he’s in a better mood when he replies, “We Irish are an emotional sort.”

Dryly and with supreme effort to keep a straight face, Kaidan deadpans, “You don’t say.”

Their eyes meet and hold. Kaidan feels the lightest of flutters in his chest, sees a slight flaring in Shepard’s blue eyes in the same moment. Downing the rest of his drink, Kaidan walks over and sets his glass next to Shepard’s. Without looking at him, he asks, “Feel better?”

Shepard moves slightly, folding his arms across his chest; fingers bump in the process, linger slightly, and the flutter returns to Kaidan’s chest. “Yeah, thanks.”

Inhaling deeply, slowly, Kaidan dons a neutral mask as he finally looks over at Caleb. “Good. Glad I could help.” He decides retreat is probably the better part of valor in the moment and starts toward the steps.

He’s nearly at the door when the acoustics of the room filter Shepard’s soft voice just loud enough for him to hear. “Go raibh míle maith agat, a chroí.”

Many thanks, my heart.

#50 Wordless Ways to Say I Love You #writing prompts #ladya writes #when the muses attack #Caleb Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #I need an otp name for these two I think #mshenko #Irish language #mass effect fanfiction #swaps55

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 242: SANTA IS REAL

Previously on BnHA: We said farewell to the League of Pliff and were finally reunited with the kids of U.A., an institution which I would just like to point out is so diametrical to the League that they literally took the polar opposite route when choosing their name, and focused only on the acronym. I’m 100% sure U.A. doesn’t even stand for anything. Anyway, so Bakugou and Todoroki went on whirlwind press tour following their ch 219 antics, and the resulting interviews were so disastrous that Aizawa decided to bring in Mt. Lady to give the whole class a crash course in PR 101. Meanwhile All Might scoured Ancestry.com for info on the past users of OFA, and Rat Principal announced that U.A. was going to resume its internship program. This is great news for Deku, who’s been taking his sweet time mastering Blackwhip. Like, we’re not even talking baby steps here so much as little tiny flea steps. Kid’s going to need all the help he can get.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi targets all of my weak points at once. The My OT3 Academia arc gets off to an incredible, award-winning start with a Christmas party and the announcement of Internships 2: This Time, it’s Compulsory. Highlights include: (1) Kaminari and Mina forcing Bakugou to accept the spirit of Christmas into his heart and soul, (2) Iida rocking a Santa beard, (3) Eri holding a giant sword, (4) Bakugou reminiscing about his internship with Best MIA Jeanist, specifically the part where Jeanist was all “A HERO’S NAME IS REALLY IMPORTANT AND SYMBOLIC AND MEANINGFUL, SO YOU NEED TO THINK VERY CAREFULLY ABOUT IT” and oh my fucking god, and lastly (5) Todoroki inviting Bakugou and Deku to come intern with him at the Endeavor Hero Agency (known for its famous business slogan: “Got Plot?”). It’s like I wished on seventeen different falling stars and they all came true at once. I still can’t even fucking process this. kfkdslgk.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

I just got like three excited-seeming asks (I haven’t actually read them yet) in rapidfire succession less than an hour ago, and my dashboard is now filling up with filtered “bnha spoilers” posts, so I took this as a sign that I should read the new chapter ASAP. oh gosh

(ETA:

(1) SAMEEEEEE, and (2) YEEEEEEEEP. listen I’m not religious you guys, but I said “oh my god” so much while reading this chapter that I wouldn’t be surprised if he or she finally answers and is like, “YES!? WHAT IS IT???”)

what new state-of-the-art tomfoolery will our intrepid heroes engage in this week. what novel hijinks will they commence. what frivolous escapades will they embark on this lovely Friday morn?

HOMGAAAHHHHHH

THE TITLE IS LITERALLY MY FEELINGS RN. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME. YES GOD I LOVE IT. I’LL TAKE A DOZEN

okay. so today, September 6th, is officially Christmas. you heard the man and who am I to argue

so we’re opening with a teacher’s meeting! probably about the internships. or the fact that they’re all screwed. I don’t really know what their priorities are nowadays

okay yeah it’s about the internships. also Rat Principal is nested in Aizawa’s scarf for absolutely no reason, and Aizawa is disgruntled about it. heh. tomfoolery already and it’s only the first panel

oh shit, Nezu’s saying it’s now a government requirement. I got so surprised I actually forgot to call him RP

because ain’t nothing safer than hero internships. if the Basement arc taught us nothing else. it’s that

that was sarcasm in case that’s not coming across. this is clearly a baffling decision. but what are government committees for if not for making baffling decisions I guess

and now Midnight is coming to the same conclusion I was starting to wonder at

can someone please tell me what the PSC’s goals actually are, then? is this not the same group that recently changed the rules of the provisional license exam so that an even smaller percentage of people would pass? so do you want more heroes or fewer? which is it?

how do they cope with it? does anyone even have any idea?? it seems to me like they’re just throwing them to the wolves. we have this problem that we have absolutely no idea what to do about, oh I know, let’s toss a bunch of inexperienced kids at it. and hope that none of them gets murdered I guess

anyway so The Sheriff is speculating that the League must have been involved in the Deika situation, and he’s wondering why the PSC is trying so hard to keep it on the dl

oh yeah. friendly reminder that the PSC, thanks to Hawks, probably knows exactly how powerful Tomura and the League have recently become. so they know full well how shark-infested the waters are, and they’re making it mandatory for the kids to all take swimming lessons. nice

lol back when I was brainstorming ideas for future arcs, I seriously thought Horikoshi would have to go out of his way to come up with excuses for the kids to have future encounters with the League, because the school was so concerned with their safety that they wouldn’t allow them to leave the grounds except on rare occasions. well I sure got that one wrong. though to be fair, for once it isn’t U.A. that’s doing the child endangering here

(ETA: and actually, regardless of how insane it is, I do appreciate that when shit inevitably hits the fan again, at least it won’t be U.A.’s fault this time. I’d like to be able to continue rooting for them, and that can be difficult when they keep doing reckless things that needlessly put children in danger. at least this time they’re not the ones driving the Stupid Bus to Bad Decision School.)

a message to who? the League?? “we’re not scared of you”?? did they seriously not think of all the numerous ways this could backfire?

oh shit Aizawa even went and said the d-word

well there you have it. the government is drafting teenagers to risk their lives dealing with a crisis they won’t out-and-out admit they’re actually having. on today’s episode of “Oh Hero Society, You’ve Got Problems”

anyway so RP is making the admittedly good point that “we’re fucked and everyone is in terrible danger” is hardly a new state of affairs for them these days, and so they’re all moving on. okay then. good talk. lol. gonna need my damn Christmas fluff after all of that

and also RP is mentioning some other mysterious new program to Aizawa too. I wonder what that could be

(ETA: oh yeah I almost forgot about this. thoughts??)

and now we’re cutting to “several days later” oh my god. it’s really happening. I need a moment here, I’m not even ready. gotta get all my Christmas headcanons lined up here. Satou baking cookies. Kaminari and Sero running around arm in arm singing “JINGLE BELLS, ALL MIGHT SMELLS” over and over at the top of their lungs until Bakugou screams at them to shut up. Mineta debating anyone who will listen over the merits of the song Baby It’s Cold Outside. the naturally Christmas-themed Todoroki savoring this, his time to shine

oh shit, we’re still with the fucking Rat Principal. for fuck’s sake

-- ooh but are they talking about the traitor??

will this put an end to the “Horikoshi forgot about it” rumors? several people have mentioned this to me here and there (sorry to everyone whose asks I still haven’t answered), but as far as I know, this was part of a fake interview with Horikoshi that was unfortunately circulated around as though it was the real deal. sometimes people are not cool and think it’s fun to take advantage of communities that are enthusiastic and trusting! always fact-check what you read on the internet just to be safe guys

anyway

so there definitely is one, then. got it

so the traitor is definitely a student in the hero class, then. got it

sob. I got an ask about the whole Kaminari traitor theory earlier this week, so I’m in the process of doing up a whole long post about that. but the cliff’s notes version is, it’s not him. it’s Hagakure. but I will actually go into detail in the post. it’s been a while since I’ve discussed the traitor thing in depth anyway

so RP is asking All Might if he’s coming back today, and All Might is immediately all “WHY, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO MY CHILD, OH GOD IS HE OKAY” which, omg. so much love for this man

and RP is like “geez relax” and OH MY GOD

[slaps on a paperboy cap and screeches at All Might in a bad cockney accent] TODAY, SIR?? WHY, IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY

OH MY GOD

I SPOT A GRINCH UP THERE AT THE TOP. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE VISITED BY THREE GHOSTS FROM VARIOUS DIFFERENT TIME PERIODS

LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE CHILD (GREMLINS ASIDE) IS WEARING A SANTA CLAUS OUTFIT. DID U.A. JUST GIVE THESE OUT FOR FREE

AND IN THE TOP RIGHT NEXT TO SHOUJI, SATOU’S COOKIES! JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD

I SEE THEY HAVE THE REQUISITE KFC PLATTERS LIKE GOOD JAPANESE CITIZENS. WE SHOULD ADOPT THIS TRADITION HERE IN THE WEST TOO TBH

and last but not least, there are only nineteen children in this panel. it took me forever to figure out who was missing, but pretty sure it’s Iida. Iida where are you. clearly the traitor. certainly not off visiting his brother and the rest of his family, what kind of gullible fool do you take me for

looool

I love when the characters start to become self-aware that they’re the main characters in a story and that plot things keep happening to them at an unreasonable rate

oh my god they really are wearing the suits. it wasn’t just a title page gimmick like I half-wondered

ANSWER THE QUESTION, JIROU. INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW. do we even know where she did her first internship?? I suddenly desperately want to learn more about this

(ETA: she interned with Death Arms, the traffic cone-looking guy who notably chewed Deku out for trying to save Kacchan’s life in chapter one. Jirou my hope for you is that you find someone better this time around!)

also Tsuyu is observing that Momo doesn’t have a chair, and I honest-to-god was trying to count how much seating there was in the previous page. it seems to me like the common room got a lot bigger. it keeps adjusting to their needs like the room of requirement in Harry Potter

also does anyone else wish that Jirou would move her cup off of the armrest. IT’S GOING TO SPILL ffff :/ this is who I am at parties

oh shit wait, that was Iida with the beard?? I honestly thought that was Satou. well then Satou is the traitor. -- NOBODY TOUCH THOSE COOKIES!!

anyway so he’s all “well Deku not to bring up the elephant in the room but YOUR PREVIOUS MENTOR DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH so what’s your plan huh”

oh sweet god

listen, no offense to Centipeder, he seems like a really nice guy, but if I never see his repulsive face again I will count myself lucky

OH FOR FUCK’S

PLEASE GET RID OF IT IT IS CHRISTMAS!!! here I am trying to have a nice time and!!

god. and like, I feel bad, it’s not his fault he is A GIANT BUG and he has like, fucking mandibles and shit! but I can’t help the fact that my skin is trying to crawl off my body right now, and god but I can barely look at this panel long enough to read the dialogue sob why

(ETA: and now that I’ve forced myself to read it again, this doesn’t even make any sense lol. “we have too much work and not enough help, so we have to pass on you coming back to help us out. ...wait.”)

I want Iida to like. pat his lap and tell Deku in a big booming voice to cheer up and come sit and tell him what he wants for Christmas. not in a weird way you guys, come on. but just, he looks so forlorn. do you want Santa to bring you some cozy All Might socks

or wait, didn’t he want a PS Vita according to that one omake thing. what the fuck Deku. someone get this kid a Switch

anyway so Deku says that participation is mandatory this time, so the school will handle assignments if the kids aren’t able to find someone

meanwhile Kacchan is in the background accusing Mina of stalking him. I think she is trying to get him to wear his Santa outfit. doin’ god’s work

OH SHIT YOU GUYS I CLICKED TO THE NEXT PAGE, AND THIS. THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS OMFG

HORIKOSHI YOU DID GET MY LIST! BAKUGOU BEING TROLLED BY HIS SNEAKY DETERMINED FRIENDS AND MANHANDLED INTO A RIDICULOUS GETUP WHILST ANGSTING ABOUT BEST JEANIST BEING MISSING, YESSSSSS. IT’S SO SPECIFIC, I THOUGHT, “SURELY HE WON’T ACTUALLY DO IT,” BUT SANTA IS REAL, EVERYONE

HFMLSDKMGLKLKL!!!!!LKL:DSF

RED ALERT RED FUCKING ALERT PEOPLE!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MAKESTE HERE’S A WHOLE FUCKING CHAPTER ABOUT KACCHAN’S FUCKING HERO NAME COMPLETE WITH A BEST JEANIST META ON THE TOPIC” mother fucker I need to start reading these chapters with a goddamn life alert and a defibrillator on standby

“your name represents your wish.” ladies and gentlemen, introducing the new number one hero... Number One Hero!

heh. just kidding. “what do you want to become?” this, though. this right fucking here is why I’ve been dying to know what name he’ll actually choose. because it does reflect exactly what Jeanist is saying. whichever name he chooses will be an insight into who he is, and who he is trying to be

and this meta is making me rethink all my chapter 223 feels, and tbh now I’m back to thinking that it’s not going to be Ground Zero, unless he comes up with a cool reason for why that name ties in to the image of the person he wants to be (because right now, that particular name is tied more to the past than to the future). but oh my god, if he does choose the name Kacchan I am going to spontaneously combust. I will fucking do it. I will fucking die from being a dramatic excited bitch

(ETA: because. listen. there is one person who has always looked up to him in spite of everything and has always seen his potential. “in the end, in my mind, you’re the image of victory.” this, to me, is the meaning that the name “Kacchan” would have if he did choose it. it would symbolize him choosing to be his best self.)

don’t mind me I’m just stanning this child so fucking hard it hurts

(ETA: oh hey, and more feels on the reread because it looks like the reason he’s having this flashback is because he was planning to go back to Jeanist’s agency to do his real internship, and to show him how much he’s grown. but then The Thing happened. Hawks I just want to talk why won’t you answer my calls.)

Mina and Kaminari are the MVPs of this fucking chapter and I owe them my life omggggg. THEY’RE HERE TO SAVE CHRISTMAS

what are you thinking about there, Best Friend?

are you thinking about your daddy angst. penny for your thoughts

(ETA: “how can I cheer up my new best friend? I know, I’ll make him a lucrative job offer.” actually that’s a good way to cheer up just about anyone in this day and age, Shouto.)

okay, is there some sort of perverted context to Christmas that I’m totally missing here?? or is Mineta just really into the holiday spirit?

I feel like I missed something. eh

anyway Mr. Traitor himself is walking out now and HE’S BROUGHT THE CHRISTMAS GOOSE! or turkey! but goose sounded funnier

of all the things to be shocked about?? “SATOU CAN COOK!?!” like um yes hello you’ve been living with this guy for four months already? like the only thing more ridiculous than this would be, “TOKOYAMI IS A BIRD!?!”

(ETA: like I know baking and cooking are two different things, but in a manga they’re the same thing. fact.)

now someone is making a dramatic entrance! IS IT ERI I WILL DIE!!!! BRING IT

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I HEREBY SWEAR FEALTY TO THIS PANEL OF AN ADORABLY AND FESTIVELY DRESSED ERI MIXING UP HOLIDAYS WHILE DADZAWA PATIENTLY CORRECTS HER. I WILL PROTECT IT WITH MY LIFE. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS CHAPTER SO THAT I CAN GO DO IT SOME MORE AGAIN, OVER AND OVER AND OVER

Ochako is me

(ETA: DEMONS OUT! DEMONS IN!! THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT!! YOU DO THE HOOOOOOOOKEY POKEY.)

and Kiri is out here asking the real questions, but sadly Aizawa says Mirio is spending Christmas with his own class. WELL FINE. I HOPE HE’S EXPERIENCING THE FOMO OF A LIFETIME. HOW DARE HE HAVE OTHER FRIENDS whatever I’m over it

sobbbbb

WELL HOW MANY FUCKING HOLIDAYS ARE THERE!? CAN SOMEONE HELP A GIRL OUT OR WHAT

oh my god I’m just going to reblog every single Dadzawa panel and none of you can stop me go on and try!!

impatiently waiting for fanart of Aizawa tucking Eri in and reading her A Visit from St. Nicholas. get on it, fandom

ohhhhhhhhh my goddddddd

I know it’s not a Christmas song, but I am this close to cranking up “I Gotta Feeling” by the fucking Black Eyed Peas. ya feel

do you guys see him sitting there next to Dadzawa. he finally gave in. Satou is feeding him chicken. his friends will not abandon him to be on the naughty list. motherfucker that’s it. I’m fucking doing it. fill up my cup. mazel tov

lol I don’t even want to click to any more pages because they’re all so happy and it won’t fucking last. :( noooo

good little boys and girls. noshing on that chicken. Kacchan continuing to be stalked by the Ghost of Christmas Friendship. Tokoyami what even is that. lol and is this their weird way of distributing random gifts. did Sero buy Jirou a scarf. did Deku buy Ochako a freaking All Might plush keychain!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING AND WHY DOES ERI HAVE IT NOW AND WHY IS SHE MAKING THIS FACE

-- holy fuck, IT’S A SWORD. oh my god. THEY GAVE THE SEVEN YEAR OLD A FREAKING BUSTER SWORD AND SHE IS FEELING IT YESSSS THIS CHAPTER TRULY IS ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE

“dad can I keep it.” Aizawa: [not even opening his eyes, all bundled up in his oogie boogie suit] “sure”

so now we’re cutting to afterwards and everyone’s cleaning up and Deku’s using his freakish super strength to lift heavy things impressively while Bakugou continues to stomp around with his hands shoved into his pockets waiting for someone to finally tell him he can go back upstairs

OH???

motherfucker. are you going to invite them to come intern with you and your dad!!?!?? I know I was all set on Bakugou interning with Miruko just last week, but I TELL YOU WHAT BITCHES, I’M FUCKING FLEXIBLE LIKE THAT

OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!!!

TODOROKI ARE YOU PLAYING THE OT3 SONG BECAUSE HONEY YOU KNOW THAT’S MY JAM, BRO

OH FUCKING SHIT YESSSSS

BAKUGOU DO YOU WANT TO INTERN WITH YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS, EXCUSE ME, HATED ENEMIES. DEKU DO YOU WANT TO INTERN WITH YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS. AND THE NUMBER ONE. WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE NUMBER TWO. WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH TODOROKI “I DIDN’T HAVE A FLASHBACK IN THE LAST ARC BECAUSE WE WERE SAVING IT FOR THIS ONE!” TOUYA? THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S BEST FRIENDS ALL THE WAY DOWN. OH MY GOD

it’s like Horikoshi made a long and detailed list of all of his regrets about the previous internship arc, and then said, “fuck it. do-over”

you guys. I’m all out of cans. we only have can’ts and cannots. I cannot

Christmas fluff. Dadzawa. Bakugou hero name meta. hints that the traitor plot will soon be relevant again. and the motherfucking OT3 of OT3s, MY SONS, MY THREE RESPLENDENT OFFSPRINGS, interning together at the motherfucking Endeavor Hero Agency because Todoroki is the sweetest most considerate angel, and because KNOCK KNOCK, IT’S ME THE PLOT, I’VE COME FOR YOU AGAIN AT LONG LAST AND I VOW TO NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE AGAIN FROM THIS MOMENT ON

shit, y’all. I don’t know if it’s possible for an arc to become my favorite motherfucking arc only two chapters in, but damned if this sunnuvabitch ain’t trying

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 242 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #eri (bnha)#class 1-a #best jeanist #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #I gotta feelin'#that tonight's gonna be a good night #let's do it let's do it let's do it let's do it #JUMP OUT THAT SOFA #LET'S KICK IT OFF #lol you guys I am in a *good* freaking mood I tell you what

216 notes · View notes

thekadster · 4 years

Photo

birds

“Finch joins Specs for a bit of bird watching on a fine Saturday afternoon.”

Fandoms: Newsies!: The Musical - Fiertstein/Menken, Newsies (All Media Types)

Word Count: 846

Author’s Notes: The weather was nice today and I was listening to “Birds - Thomas Sanders (feat. Terrence Williams)”, and my mind just clicked that it would be perfect for Specs and Finch. I've been writing for four years and this is the first time I've ever put any of my stuff out there on the Internet lol. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

read it on ao3

Specs never got out all that much. Most of the time, he would be busy with schoolwork, burying himself in papers and books, helping his friends study, and finally collapsing on his bed at some ungodly hour after all the caffeine and energy had left his body. On the rare occasion he wasn’t confined to the four walls of his apartment, although he loved getting a drink with friends for a break, his favorite thing to do was in the park.

It was a Saturday then. He sat under the emerald umbrella trees, gazing up at the green roof above him. He peered through the binoculars, scanning the leaves and the branches and the bark, and his eyes lit up when he spotted a hooded warbler perched nearby. Somewhere, he could hear blue jays excitedly babbling to every other bird in the park. Every so often, a gentle gust of wind would make the trees and the grass dance. Surrounded by the white noise of his little safe haven, Specs contentedly sighed and leaned back in his foldable chair.

“Hey, Specs! Didn’t expect to see you here!”

He jolted awake.

He knew who that voice belonged to even before he saw them approaching.

“Hey, Finch!” replied Specs, standing up to greet him. “What’re you doing here?”

“Just got back from the library, studied with Davey and the fellas,” said Finch, gesturing to the textbooks in his hands.

“How was it?”

Finch groaned. “I feel like everything got in through one ear and slipped out the other.”

Specs laughed. “Well, looks like you’re gonna have to wear earplugs for the finals.”

“How ‘bout you? What’re you doing here? You studied for finals yet?” Finch asked as he sat in the grass beside him.

“I’m a few subjects behind, but I’ll get back to it later. And I’m, uh, bird watching.”

“Really? What are you looking for?”

“Birds.”

“I know that, nitwit,” Finch said, slapping Specs across the arm, who laughed. “What birds in particular?”

Specs shrugged. “I dunno, whatever comes my way, I guess. Usually doves, sparrows, robins, ospreys.”

Another gentle gust of wind flew through the park. Finch stretched and laid down on his backpack. They’d known each other ever since high school, but he never knew that this was one of Specs’ hobbies. “How often do you come here?”

“Whenever school’s not beating my ass,” replied Specs, eyes once again through the binoculars

“When is school not beating our ass?”

Specs laughed. “Fair point.”

“Honestly, I wish I’d known that Mr. Albia would bury us in reading assignments straight out of winter break.”

“So do I. Davey and Katherine seem to be the only ones who’ve finished the book.”

“‘Course they are, they’re straight-A’s. Davey’s a genius and Kat’s the principal’s kid.”

“How is he? You were with him earlier,” Specs asked after he took a sip of his coffee.

“Sleep-deprived, but he managed to get Albert and Race to calm down and listen.”

“Doing the Lord’s work,” he joked.

Things were quiet for a while. Specs stared through the lenses while Finch’s eyes traced the lines of the canopy. The afternoon sun filtered through them, the sight reminding him of glass-stained windows at a church. He pulled out his phone a short while after and scrolled through his feed. He tuned out most of the sounds around him, but was snapped back to reality when he heard Specs curse.

“Hm?” Finch asked, not looking up from his phone.

“I can’t find the lark; it was just there and it flew away!” answered Specs.

“Don’t worry, it’s in a better place now.”

“Shut up.” Specs rolled his eyes, though his smile said otherwise.

Finch grinned. “When did you start bird watching?”

“Probably one, one and a half years ago? Maybe in March.”

“Damn, you’re really into this, huh?”

“It’s all the more coincidental because your name is Finch.”

Finch’s face lit up. “Hey, yeah! What are you lookin’ over there for? You got a bird right here!”

“I sit next to you in three classes, I think I’ve spotted enough Finches.”

Silence returned once more. Specs’ binoculars scanned the distant trees once more, only to jump when Finch’s face popped up right in front of them.

“Finch, you son of a-” Specs swatted his friend away with the lenses and Finch burst out laughing. He backed away and checked the time on his phone.

“Damn, forgot Elmer needed me for a project at 3:30,” he sighed.

Specs’ eyes widened. “It’s 3:30 already?!”

“3:23,” said Finch, showing him the big numbers on his lockscreen.

Specs allowed himself to breathe. “Oh, thank God. I got a study group at 3:30.”

“We’re all busy now, aren’t we?” Finch asked, putting on his jacket and his backpack.

“More than ever.”

“But hey, when hell week is done, the park’s all yours.”

Specs smiled. He folded his chair, shoved his binoculars in his bag, and the two went their separate ways. Until tomorrow, that was, when they’d be bugging each other in three different classes again

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shyeehaw · 5 years

Text

RDR - Awkward s/o

Request: Can you write some headcanons with Sean, Arthur, Kieran, Lenny, Javier, John, Charles and Dutch (hope that's not too much lol) having an awkward s/o?

Sean

Before meeting him, you thought no one would ever get you.

You were used to sympathy giggles, but Sean? He actually finds you funny!

And if you start laughing at inappropriate times, guess who will join you?

Also, sometimes you will just panic and start to giggle. Without any reason to.

“Y/N, when was the last time you made a donation to the box?”, Ms. Grimshaw asks.

And then you giggle, trying to hide it only makes it worse.

So Sean will save you, with his smoothness.

“Ms. Grimshaw! I was forgetting to give me share, but yer reminder is always on time! Let me tell ya how I got this and-“

There was this unspoken rule that everyone seemed to know about, but you.

It’s like at birth they got a book called “things not to do” and memorized it... You? You didn’t even know there was a book until it was too late.

Sean was not bothered by how you always seemed to have a quirky subject to talk about.

Or if your compliments sounded way weirder than they intended to.

“You have nice hands.”, you said once, admiring how slim and long were his fingers, but not actually explaining what made you think of that.

Karen snorted and even Uncle was puzzled by your weird ways.

But not Sean, he just gave you the biggest smile, happy to have anything complimented.

“Thanks! so do you, Y/N.”

You two make a pretty funny duo, you may say something awkward and Sean will turn into a joke.

And once he starts oversharing, telling the story of his life and mentioning his “da”, you do too!

Happy to have someone that will actually listen this time.

Arthur

“What a handsome man...”, you thought once you laid eyes on him.

That same night, around the fire, Arthur came to talk to you.

“It’s nice to meet you! I’m Y/N”, you said offering your hand for a handshake.

“I know... I was here last week remember?”, he said, laughing a bit.

“Oh! Yes! Right! I was only joking...”, you said, convincing a total amount of 0 (zero!) people.

But Arthur did not gave up on you, not on that occasion or in the many others that you were probably astonishing him with your oddness.

People may call you awkward, but to Arthur the things you do are unique.

And he loves your uniqueness.

It’s intriguing to him how differently you react than others.

He is a worried boyfriend, always protecting you from people’s mean reactions.

Won’t admit anyone making fun of you. And honestly? People will take one look at his frown and know better.

He will try to save the conversation when you ask him to help with your eyes.

In fact, you two now share a whole dialogue just with glances, it’s pretty handy.

You asked him to stop you before you can embarrass yourself.

But his soft spot for you makes it so hard to do so.

Kieran

It all started by observing Kieran, like a lion does to it’s prey.

You would watch him trying to bond with others and, usually, being unable to say the right things...

Ss you watched him do that, only one thought crossed your mind. “Yup! That’s me! I gotta talk to him!”

You would sit beside him and attempt to start a conversation.

“Hi, I’ve noticed you are uncomfortable around them...”, you said, looking for any response.

Getting none but a bug-eyed expression, you added: “I am too!”

Ever since you two started being a thing, it was much easier to say things without the fear of being judged.

Kieran even got a little bit more confident.

Together, you two make a pretty awkward couple, but at least you are not alone anymore.

Lenny

Lenny almost makes you forget about your social ineptitude.

You feel so insecure about it that you rarely try to interact with others and when you do...

You always end up saying the wrong things.

But Lenny doesn’t mind, he finds it cute even.

He will give you a confidence boost by saying that if people don’t get you is their loss

When you get stuck on your thoughts, brooding over why did you say such weird things, Lenny will gently bring you back to the present.

“They’ll probably forget about it, Y/N. It was not that bad.”

He has this magical way of always being able to comfort you.

Most of all, Lenny accepts you from who you are

Javier

You never know when people expect you to hug them or not.

So after a long trip, when Javier arrived at camp and waved, you got up and went for a big hug.

It’s safe to say he was not expecting it, given that you two only talked a few times.

When someone waves at you, it’s not expected to greet them back?

“I had no idea they were a thing.”, you heard Tilly whispering to Mary-Beth.

Oh no. What have you done?

But it was such a spontaneous hug, Javier didn’t mind. He was actually glad to be greeted like that.

You have no idea how, but it seemed that he actually liked you.

He said the first thing he noticed about you was your... odd fashion sense.

Javier admires you for your originality, you have no shame on being your weird self. He loves that.

Somehow, he asked you in a date. A fishing trip as an excuse to get out of camp. Just the two of you.

That means a lot of time alone, and much time to embarrassing things to happen.

Like falling in the water. Good thing you know how to laugh at yourself.

Well, it was not a date exactly, you found it out later. When you filled the silence with a kiss and he had a surprised look on his face.

“You are wild Y/N, I love that about you.”

He will shower you with compliments.

And how is one supposed to answer to that?

“Your smile, mi amor, és hermoso”

“I... uh. Thanks? I like to smile, so I’m glad you... like it?”

Ugh, way to ruin the mood.

But he founds it adorable, in fact, your guess is that he does that on purpose, just to see you all worked up about it.

His compliments are genuine, so after the initial awkwardness of receiving it, you feel pretty good about it.

John

John has that tough way of his, but deep down he is so head over heels about you. That tiny detail doesn’t bother him.

It seems like every time he’s around, embarrassing things are prone to happen.

That might be because you are nervous when John is watching you, which only leads to disastrous comments by you.

You thought it would be a good idea to tell him a joke, and oh god, he was so invested in it.

Halfway through you realized you didn’t know how it ended. No big deal, right? You just make up a new ending.

You could tell that his smile was forced, but you appreciated the effort.

“Look, Y/N, I ain’t gonna lie, you are very odd.”, he said, causing you to abandon all hope, “But I like you. Very much.”

It was the most sincere declaration, there was no walking around the fact that you were a bit of a social disaster.

Being in a relationship with John, took him time to get used to your weird conversation topics.

Like the time you helped Pearson chop vegetables, and he thanked you.

You were about to say “no problem” but it got mixed with “you’re welcome”.

It came out as “your problem”, you could swear you saw John shaking his head from where he was standing.

He loves you still, even when you say things that get him embarrassed on your behalf.

Charles

There are no awkward silences with Charles.

You know he appreciates not having small talks, so you don’t feel compelled to fill the silence with nonsense.

It’s much easier when the other person is not expecting to talk all the time.

Charles is so calm and nice with you it almost makes you act like that as well. Almost.

There’s no changing you from your clumsiness.

When you two were hunting together, Charles saved you from falling flat on your face after you tripped into a root. It could have been romantic if you hadn’t ruined the moment by commenting on how that always happened to you.

“No, not the part of being saved! That never happened before! I mean, why can’t I just walk without tripping on things? I’m sorry, I’m being a chatterbox, right? I’ve seen you talking to Uncle and I know you don't-“

“Y/N, it’s fine. I’m just glad you are alright.”

“I am... thanks to you.”, you said, measuring your words for once.

Charles has this thing which makes him like the role of protector. So a clumsy s/o is a perfect fit.

He is not bothered at all by your peculiar interactions with others.

Charles doesn’t feel the need to connect with the others. So if you find it embarrassing, he probably doesn’t think much of it, assuring you it’s fine.

You don’t mind getting teased, but you do hope people think twice before doing it in front of him.

He likes you for you, and awkwardness won’t change that.

Dutch

He is the closest thing you get of a “boss”.

So, of course, he makes you nervous!

When asked to come to his tent and listen about a job, you are unable to concentrate.

You have to remind yourself to maintain eye contact, or else you might seem rude.

“Get that, Y/N? It’s an easy in and out situation. No hostages.”

You nod, trying to recall a word he said before that.

“I’m terribly sorry Dutch. But I was trying to look you in the eye, and I focused so much in that... I didn’t heard a word you said.”

He appears surprised at first, probably no one dared to be this upfront with him before.

“Well, you do have nice eyes, Y/N”

INSTANT BLUSH!

You two orbit around each other, sharing glances that leave your legs feeling like butter.

You can’t describe how embarrassed you were when Dutch went to give you a hug and you offered a handshake.

He just laughed it off and asked what it would be.

It was such a simple gesture and yet made you feel much better.

He is a charmer, so he never fails to give you compliments.

“You look good today”

“Nice! Thanks!”

Let’s just establish that compliments make your awkwardness go through the roof. Like, what are you supposed to do?

Dating you is thrilling. At any time you can say something weird.

He admires how you don’t seem to have a filter, you just say whatever it feels right.

And honesty is a very important topic for Dutch.

Setting up a whole mood and taking you to Saint Denis on a date, Dutch professes his love for you.

It was too unexpected, a wave of feelings got ahold of you.

“I think I love you too”, was the only thing that you were able to say.

“You think?”, he said, raising his brow, “Then I’ll have to make you sure of it.”

It’s no secret that he loves to dance, his phonograph it’s the second thing he cherishes the most.

And you hate that damned thing because you have two left feet.

Your moves lack grace, and you can feel everyone looking at your poor excuse of a dance.

But it’s so worth it, to slowly sway along him.

He loves to dance with you, even if it means bruised feet the day after.

#arthur morgan #arthur x reader #sean macguire #sean x reader #kieran duffy #kieran duffy x reader #lenny summers #lenny summers x reader #javier escuella #javier escuella x reader #charles smith #charles x reader #dutch van der linde #dutch van der linde x reader #john marston #john marston x reader #rdr2 headcanons #writing requests <3

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

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shake, i hope you'll still remember that you're p cool 2/2

oh man Thanks as fuck....... yeah like it’s funny b/c it’s both a difficulty that like, it’s kind of hard to get me to realize maybe ppl want to be pals in the first place because every time someone first is choosing to interact with me i have that casual assumption like “uh oh this person’s mistakenly thinking they’d enjoy talking to me! better just ease them through this experience without making them deal with that mistake” and stuff instead of trying to Have Fun And Be Myself....and then it takes me a hot minute to be like “hey they might actually want to talk to you, chill out” and also “i know social mirroring is your default mode but try to figure out how not to do that”

and then yet also yeah i’ll be like, oh is this person my friend now or?? too early and like. i always do it still despite being well aware now that i do it and knowing to watch for it, and it’s still disappointing sitting there telling yourself you’re not really ppl’s friend, but it’s a lot more manageable than it used to be at least thanks to being more attuned to the whole matter and stuff, like it’s still the “oh it’s exciting to have a friend :)” and then “oh it feels bad to remember that’s not really the case :(” but it’s like the feelings are happening on a smaller scale / lower volume and such. and like using sort of ~objective~ considerations like “okay, you know that most likely this person has Actual friends and stuff” and reminders about how your relationship with them is really just like, kind of light fare. and it’s like, it always kind of sucks but its easy to remember cuz it’s not like it’s not true? its just an unusual thing to have to consider, and if you DO have ~real friends~ and aren’t like disgustingly lonely maybe you don’t have to consider it that much lol.

like it isn’t fun basically having to be all like, okay so a sorta-friendship might feel significant to you but you have to keep in mind that its not as significant to them. but it’s generally true and like.........better to remind yourself of that sooner than have to realize it later when you’re more invested or care about the other person more or whatever and it’s like oh shit yeah i’m not really that important to them, dang it........like it’s just a weird thing because there’s really no way to be isolated and lonely and not have close friends and be in a truly ~okay~ place with it because it’s just....a continuously detrimental place to be in? and that applies to a lot of things lol. like there’s all these mental approaches i’ll take to things that’s not really about thinking that i can Be Okay with some bad fucked up situation, but rather just trying to lessen the unavoidable and everpresent Not-Okayness of it. the Okay is relative but sometimes you can really only be so okay!

honestly one thing that’s wild is i pretty much did go through the route of “my self worth was so bad it circled around into becoming more positive and now i have fairly decent self-esteem even just on my own”.....cuz like at least when you have to figure things out and get through shit and look out for yourself mostly on your own, you do have that Practice in doing it without external support lol even though you shouldn’t have to. and like i’m not Peak Self Confidence And Self Esteem by any means but it’s decent, self-loathing really isn’t a huge issue or anything. one classic thing that just helped put shit in perspective is the “if you were someone else would you be as unsympathetic / think these things about them” and i’m not like evil so of course i wouldn’t and its like oh lol yeah true! and then speaking of evil another thing that helps is remembering that capitalism is inhumane and an empire of lies and it’s like, okay is this thing about me really At All Bad or is this based on the standards of capitalism and, again, would you be unsympathetic and if it was someone else and blame / criticize them in this way? and i totally wouldn’t. and yeah i get to this point where i appreciate myself by myself!! it’s pretty chill! like, well, i’ll be my own best friend forever if i gotta. is this sad and loserly? sure! but somebody’s gotta do it and that’s just the situation! gotta be a loser? own it!! (to make the references yknow)

like really even knowing that hmm maybe i just don’t have much deep appeal for most ppl is ultimately like well, if so, Shrrruggggg b/c what are you gonna do!! i know there’s ways i’m not “good” at interactions and stuff, but in terms of personality i figure there’s stuff that definitely might not be of universal appeal but it’s definitely not always bad, like i’ll be like “oh i’m too enthusiastic about what i like” or “oh i’m too hot tempered” but really then i’ll remember that no, this isn’t something that everyone hates lol and really what’s the point if i’d have to change fundamental things about myself so i might have more Appeal anyways like....yeah it sucks having ppl just generally not be interested but also? it helps that other ppl talk about having the struggle of like....its not necessarily like you’re a jerk or have nothing to offer or anything, but just seeming “off” to most ppl in terms of that social frequency can always have this effect of largely leading to being like, ignored but also sometimes ignored with A Hint Of Rejection, and it’s like oh hell yeah!! just inherent social Other People Repellent, bring it in!! it sucks but its not Just You!!

like really i feel like maybe for like a decade and a half i’ve always been overcompensating when i think somebody seems neat and trying to seem cool-tempered around them? which, why would i even want to, i’m not cool tempered at all and really am not even interested myself if other ppl are truly like that! but maybe i am tuning in to the fact that ppl generally arent quite so excitable as me and thus trying to play it cool. but like, at this point, even though i do try to “turn it down” for ppl like, all the time, it’s like, why bother. what is the difference between doing that and having ppl not like me and just getting to do my own thing and not having ppl like me, yknow?

plus just to throw another element of chaos into it, i’m cagey with my ~True Emotions~ or something both in part because i know maybe they’ll seem Annoying to other ppl or something but also because (chaotic trumpet riff) abuseee ://// so like even on the rare occasions i realize that somebody’s okay with interacting with me, i’m still acting kinda elusive or trying to filter myself too damn much like there’s a point to trying to be friends anyways if everybody’s putting on too much of an act!! gotta self sabotage!! trying not to though

like really Would Love To Have Friends i’d just also love to not have to lower my standards despite that fact that being like, yeah the big L Loneliness is really pretty miserable and says you should want to grab on to any chance of friendship with both hands....that’s often not the case cuz it can be like oh wait hang on, do i actually like this person and are they being cool to me too? or like, the person is totally alright but the relationship isn’t going to mean that much to them cuz it’s more of an outer-orbits sort of casual...Friendly Acquaintanceship or whatever and you’re just like Ah Yes :’)

for example i could’ve trimmed this down to not be an overly long series of weird tangents about myself in depressing ways but this is what you get!! why put up fronts. it’s not that bad anyways.

#conveniently just publishing this one lol #thank you!! :))))#lanvinlouis

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cristixntm · 4 years

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𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧.

[ XAVIER SERRANO / POLYTROPOS / CAERUS / MUSE 36 ] / [ CRISTIANO MONTERO ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION ] major. [ HE ] is known for being [ CHARMING & CLEVER ] but [ INSOUCIANT & INSENSITIVE ]. when i think of them, i imagine [ A CHEEKY WINK FROM ACROSS THE BAR, LATE NIGHT ‘U UP?’ TEXTS, THE CLENCH OF A JAW BEHIND A COCKY SMIRK, RICH BOYS DON’T HAVE HEARTS ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ MHP ( AQUA ) ] graduate. i asked around and it turns out they [ AREN’T ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ PRESENTING A FIVE-FIGURE INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO THAT WAS STARTED FROM $10 ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

howdy hey frands! i’m jocey ( 24, she/her, est ) & this is my trash son, cristian. not me reusing an old intro and still getting this up late……. mmYEP luv that for me! if you would like to plot, hit that like button & i’ll come your way or feel free to hmu on discord ( jocey#9154 ).

full name : cristiano javier montero de barra nickname : mostly goes by cristian age : twenty-one sexuality : heterosexual hometown : madrid, spain / los angeles, california high school : marble hill prep ( aqua house ) HU house : polytropos major : business administration extracurriculars : eleusinian circle ( legacy ), soccer ( centre forward )

cristian is the second and youngest born to javier montero and alisa de barra. his dad is the CEO of montero properties, the developer behind many big name casinos and resorts around the world, while his mom is an actress who starred in several spanish telenovelas and hollywood films.

originating from spain, the montero family had always been a familiar face in the media, with both cristian and his older sister having large followings on social media. the montero’s had a reputation for living extravagantly and lavishly, and often flaunted their 1% status.

out of the whole family, arguably the one with the most controversial reputation was cristian — one of the heirs to the montero fortune, fuckboy extraordinaire with an impressively long list of ex lovers, and all around entitled trust fund brat ( whEW hate that!! ). taking full advantage of his family name, he was always seen at the exclusive events and partying, even hooking up, with some well-known names.

but with the family name also came the expectation to be the picture perfect son and the responsibility to carry on the family legacy. unfortunately, parents never quite get exactly what they hoped for from their children, do they?

if there’s one thing you should know about cristian is that he will never do anything if he felt forced into it. his parents learned early on that hiring a good PR team and shipping their son off to a boarding school ( marble hill prep ) was easier than forcing him to behave. the fact that cristian’s dad was a MHP and HU alum and the montero’s family were big donors might have helped to keep him from getting expelled on one or two occasions.

still, to some extent, cristian did the bare minimum just to keep his parents off his back and his bank account essentially bottomless. he got good grades ( whether it was completely based on his own merits was a different story ), showed up to important events ( granted he was always drunk and late ), and charmed the pants off of interviewers and his admirers ( sometimes quite literally ).

attending hatchett unversity was just another thing that he did to keep his trust fund ( or so he says ). and who was he to turn down the good ol’ college experience? it was also the perfect way to keep his side business ( read: drug ring ) going.

running a boarding school turned college drug ring was never exactly something he’d planned on doing. like with most things in cristian’s life, the opportunity sort of just fell into his lap and he decided to run with it. call it a bored rich kid thing, but there was just something about earning his own cash in such a risky way that made it that much sweeter.

while those who know cristian may be aware of his connection to this drug ring, most assume that he’s just dealing and/or using his rich boi connections to bring in customers. only a select few know that he’s actually the brains behind the surprisingly well thought-out operation, and he prefers to keep it that way.

cavalier fuckboy with a heart of gold… ( underneath a shit ton of asshole layers, that is ) basically summed up cristian. he always puts out this very lazy, devil-may-care image of himself, and acts like someone who could not give two shits about anyone other than himself. call him a selfish asshole and he’d probably agree with you. but when it comes to his closest friends, the ones he considered to be his real family, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for them.

most write cristian off as this spoiled, reckless and directionless loose cannon, who maybe had one braincell on a good day. but underneath it all, he’s a lot smarter and more calculating than many people give him credit for and believe it or not, actually does think things through. but he believed that expectations just led to disappointment, so it was better to not have anyone expect anything of you. hence the perfected facade he’s kept up for as long as he could remember.

he is, however, not so smart when it comes to his love life and is notoriously bad at juggling his booty calls. as in, getting all their names mixed up, and running into a booty call number three, who he’d ghosted, when he was with booty call number five. but then again… could it all just be an act to get out of any and all potential relationships? who knows?

WANTED CONNECTIONS. most connections are open to multiple people filling it, unless it’s crossed out. and ofc i’m always open to any ideas not listed here!

RICH BOI SQUAD ━ they’re those guys. the popular, rowdy bros who are always seen together, they throw the best parties and cause a bunch of mayhem together. honestly just a bunch of obnoxious alpha dudes who think they’re hot shit. taken by kennedy king

#1 SINCE DAY 1 ━ cristian’s best bro since the beginning of time ( or close enough ), who’s been there through all of his constant shenanigans and wild times. taken by felix könig

BEST GAL PAL ━ probably one of the few girls cristian’s managed to not try to hook-up with, or constantly flirt with. someone who helps him remember the names of all the girls he’s hooked up with plz lol. it’s rare that he’s protective over someone, but he’d absolutely throw hands for her if needed. taken by caroline fitzgerald

CONFIDANT ━ someone who actually knows cristian very well and sees through his lazy rich boy act. one of the very few people who he’s completely opened up to and genuinely cares about not fucking up their friendship. taken by florence trask

MOM FRIEND ━ basically a mama bear who looks out for cristian and may be one of the few people he actually listens to. doubles as his moral conscience/good influence when he wants to do dumb rich boy things. taken by giada vitale

PSEUDO SIBLING ━ they have a sibling-like relationship, where he’ll annoy them sometimes and they mom friend him. but they’re always looking out for each other. taken by odette könig

CHILDHOOD FRIEND ━ someone he grew up with. they could still be friends to this day, maybe they grew apart, or maybe they never really clicked.

UNLIKELY FRIEND ━ the last person you’d expect to be friends with cristian. possibly met during a school project or something, and they realized that he’s… actually… not that bad?? despite what everyone says about him and his reputation, y/m sees that he’s not really as big of an asshole as he comes off and is actually kind of tolerable one on one. kind of. taken by dorian garcia

FAVOURITE ANNOYANCE ━ they got on cristian’s nerves at first, but eventually, they grew on them. whether he admits it or not, they do have some kind of friendship and deep down, he does enjoy their company. taken by astrid mae

DEALERS ━ basically dealers who work for cristian, who is the supplier. he may seem like a clueless hot mess, but rest assured, he takes care of his own. as long as that loyalty is returned. taken by felix könig

ON & OFF ━ cristian has had a lot of flings and hook-ups, but this person has been the one constant in his life. their “relationship” ( if you can call it that ) is kinda messy because he ( and maybe she as well? ) won’t commit, but is also surprisingly chill.

HOOK-UPS / FWBS ━ whether you like cristian or not, people can’t really deny that he’s good-looking rip. he’s known to have a bit of a roster of girls that he hits with those late night booty-calls/texts. taken by diana radcliffe

PAST HOOK-UPS / FWBS / ONE NIGHT STANDS ━ homeboy has been around the block and back more times than he can count on two hands, so he’s definitely got a long list of ex-luvas. especially ones who hate him cuz he’s the worst™. taken by isadora banks, daphne moon

ENEMIES ━ cristian’s the kind of guy who easily has a lot of people who don’t like him. he practically has no filter, so his big mouth and careless words are bound to rub some people the wrong way. or maybe he screwed y/m over to save his own ass. taken by belinda torres, camille jung

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thematicconversion · 7 years

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01 of 05 - Modern Compendium: Law - A Widening Gyre - Vile Kek

On occasion, miners will, on their way tunneling through the earth, encounter fossilized dinosaur footprints. Although not normally dangerous, when found on the ceiling these footprints can become dislodged and fall, causing serious injury or even death. Imagine that; two hundred and fifty million years ago, a dinosaur puts a three-ton foot down in the sand of a damp beach, and thinks nothing more of it. Time passes, the meteor falls, new species rise and die, and eventually humans evolve. And a dinosaur footfall slips from the roof of a mine, travelling through eons of time and defying probability to squash a modern head.

In mythological terms, Kek is my own personal fossilized dinosaur footprint, travelling through time from the 27th century BC to land directly on my own ignorant head in the 21st AD.

See, to the Egyptians of the Old Kingdom, Kek represented a primordial darkness, a chaos from which the world was born. Kek was an ambiguous, androgynous figure, sometimes shown with a serpent head, a cat’s head, or -- and this is part of the problem -- a frog’s head. So we have a frog-headed god of chaos, worshiped as a sort of god of transition from night to day and day to night. Fast forward four thousand years to the present, and I can introduce you to a concept known as “meme magic,” the idea that repeating memetic internet jokes can actually twist reality, each repetition acting like water on a prayer wheel. The idea struck like lightning with the same sort of people that flipped over the idea of Tulpas, and the frog-headed humanoid known as Pepe the Frog.

Yeah, you see where I’m going with this now. Fossils to the head hurt, don’t they?

But yes, there is a contingent of modern mystics floating around on the internet, convinced that Pepe -- rare or otherwise -- is the second coming of Kek, god of primordial chaos. Even the name, long used as a meme-y replacement for “LOL” thanks to a World of Warcraft speech filter, seemed to fit. And I’d love for that to be the weirdest thing about this demon, but then people started using meme magic to push for the election of Donald Trump, and things have actually gotten far, far stranger. In the months since Kek first returned to prominence, the self-styled internet mystic set has actually managed to convince themselves that they got a man elected President of the United States... with memes. Although Kek, and the belief system he is now tied to, are a shaky, unpredictable lot, the fact remains that, through coincidence and contrivance, a four-thousand-year-old god managed to worm its way back into human belief. Makes you wonder if there’s really any such thing as a dead myth.

For more info on this and every other demon in the Modern Compendium, have a look at our extensive Data File, right over (here).

#Shin Megami Tensei #Persona #Paranormal #Pepe #Memes #Vile Family #Modern Compendium

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envirotravel · 7 years

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Kicking the Can: How I Broke My Addiction to Diet Coke

For about a full decade of my life, I was a full fledged Diet Coke addict.

It was a part of who I was — I cracked open a can first thing in the morning, friends sent me Buzzfeed articles about things only Diet Coke addicts could understand, I had a little Diet Coke keychain and a Diet Coke mousepad, and my family I would send each other level red, full blown SOS texts when the fridge was running low. I was drinking 2-3 cans a day, plus fountain (my preferred delivery of choice) whenever I could get my hands on it, and I really had no true interest in stopping.

And then, suddenly, I did.

On March 1st of 2016 I started a one month Diet Coke free month while in Thailand, and on April 1st I decided what the heck — I extended another two weeks until I flew through the USA. After six weeks, the spell was broken, and I no longer feel powerless over the pull of the silver can.

So why cut the cord? I admit, of the many reasons people kick Diet Coke habits, I did so for pretty superficial reasons. I was trying desperately to lose ten pounds that had creeped on slowly, and I’d been reading a lot about the connection between diet sodas and weight gain and was curious to see if I’d magically become a size zero again. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t.) But the connection between diet sodas and out-of-whack metabolisms and insulin production were hard to ignore, and the more I learned the more convinced I became that a trial period without it was something I needed to try.

But also, it was at times a very inconvenient addiction and I hated feeling so beholden to a particular can of fizz. When I woke up in the morning, it was the first thing I drank, and I was cranky and irritable when I couldn’t source it — which was fairly often, considering I often travel to remote areas, and Diet Coke is still rare in many corners of the world.

At the time, I searched pretty desperately for first-hand accounts those who were also trying to kick a soda habit, and came up surprisingly empty. So, my fizzy drink loving friends, here is mine.

My uncle — who once ran a Coca Cola museum! It runs in the fam!

How I Did It

I never intended to cut Diet Coke out of my life entirely. Drinking Diet Coke was so much a part of both my daily routine and my identity I don’t think I ever could have started had that been my intention. Yet after years of trying to casually “cut back,” I knew I had to do something drastic if I ever wanted to make it a reality.

Today, I am no longer addicted to Diet Coke and that is all thanks to an initial six week cleanse that I did in which I did not consume a single sip (more about my current consumption later.) In fact, it started as just a month long challenge which I extended for two weeks based on how good I felt! That cleanse was completely necessary to sever my dependence to the stuff and allow me to start living with a normal, non-crazy person’s relationship with soda after it ended. I should probably note that Diet Coke was the only soda I ever really drank — I think Coca Cola tastes repulsive and outside of the rare diet root beer or craft soda on some sort of special occasion (hello, artisanal sodas at a county fair!), so Diet Coke and I had a pretty monogamous relationship.

Everyone warned me about the withdrawal symptoms I’d have. Aside from a few terrible headaches the first few days, I actually didn’t find the physical side-effects to be too dramatic. I attribute the ease with which this cleanse went to my research ahead of time, the replacements I used, and where I did it.

I did a ton of research

Once I decided to do the cleanse, it was actually pretty easy in practice. And that decision was inspired by research I did as part of my DIY Health Retreat.

Watching documentaries like Fed Up and reading books like What Are You Hungry For? made the transition really easy. I was also recommended the documentary Sweet Misery, which I plan to watch on the plane back to the US to strengthen my resolve for another addiction-free summer. Also, I’m not going to lie, I read several interviews with skinny people — LOL — who said that they never drink diet sodas, and message board accounts from those who dropped pounds doing so. In the spirit of full disclosure I also read a ton of comments and message board posts from those who quit and never lost a pound, but everyone who did so seemed to feel it had a positive impact on their life.

Those books and movies really spoke to the specific reasons I was personally looking to cut back — vanity, duh. They dove into how aspartame disrupts the body’s metabolism and craving systems and lead to unintentional weight gain, despite being zero calories.

Now look, it’s not like until last year I was walking around thinking Diet Coke was this super healthy product that I was treating my body like a temple by consuming. Not in the slightest — I knew Diet Coke was bad for me and I literally did not care, at least not enough to make me change. Thankfully, in this case, my desperation to lose a few pounds led me down an unlikely path that has had a holistic and positive effect on my life.

I told my friends

So strong was my resolve that the only serious cravings I had in those first six weeks were the two times I was tragically hungover. And because I had already told my friends what I was doing and they knew how important it was to me, they stopped me from giving in, reminding me how proud I’d feel when I hit the four — and then six — week mark.

I replaced it with something else

One of my primary concerns going into this cleanse was that Diet Coke made up the vast majority of my beverage consumption. Like literally, what the heck was I going to drink? Well, I now drink tea like it’s going out of style, as well as one or two carbonated waters per day and a TON more straight up tap water than I’ve ever drank in my life. Let’s get into each of those:

Tea

I have never been a tea drinker and so I did a bunch of research to find out which teas had caffeine — which I wanted — and which I would actually like. I absolutely loathe black tea (sorry, Brits) but found green tea sort of tolerable, so I started out my putting one green tea bag into a mug with another herbal flavor that I enjoyed more, like lemongrass. For the first week or two of my cleanse, I sweetened my tea with local honey, though I quickly phased that out and I now drink my tea straight up, no sweetener.

A year later, I am a complete and total tea fiend and start every day with a mug of green tea rather than a Diet Coke, and usually go for an herbal tea over ice in the afternoon. I love trying new flavors — this brand from Hawaii is a recent obsession. Still no black tea though — which yes, makes trips to the UK a challenge.

Water

I have struggled my entire life to drink water. My cleanse kick started a new habit in which I drink more than ever. I generally try to drink a full 17 oz. bottle between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner, and whenever I work out. Combined with my carbonated water at meals and my morning and afternoon tea, I now easily exceed the recommended 64 oz. per day without too much trouble.

My recommendation? Get a fun, easy-to-drink stainless steel bottle that you love and will want to take everywhere, and have a jug or filter in your fridge so you have easy access to cold, ready-to-go tap water anytime. If you live somewhere with great water you can literally just use a nice pitcher, if you live somewhere where drinking tap water isn’t advisable — like I do — I highly recommend this Clearly Filtered Pitcher.

Carbonated Water

Or seltzer, or if you’re here in Thailand, soda water. To this day I can’t stand to drink straight up tap water with meals, it just doesn’t feel right. Seltzer is literally just regular water infused with air, and is just as safe and hydrating to drink as regular water (though studies do show it can be slightly more filling, and does have some extremely mild effect on dental health.)

So I now have unflavored seltzer with pretty much every single lunch and dinner. When I’m in the US, I sometimes I have fun with the naturally flavored ones. I drink so much of the stuff I’m thinking of getting a seltzer machine like my mom has at home, and bringing it with me back to Thailand.

I did it somewhere away from the USA

I know this probably isn’t exactly replicable for most people, but it was a huge factor towards my success. Doing the Diet Coke cleanse in Thailand, where I’m not a fan of the local formula, made it so much easier than had I tried it stateside. If you can find some way — any way! — to shake up your routine, I think that will make all the difference in helping you to snap out of deeply ingrained habits.

While you may not want to mar a trip or vacation with withdrawal symptoms, starting a few days before you leave and your enthusiasm is still strong might be the perfect way to distract yourself just as your willpower might be wearing off. (And ya know, now that I added this, it’s totally relevant fodder for a travel blog! Nailed it!)

Make a calendar

I actually didn’t do this, but if I started to struggle or stumble I would have bought or printed out a calendar, and marked off each day I made it without Diet Coke. I always find tracking and visual aids to be incredibly effective in helping me meet goals and stay strong through a challenge.

What I Learned

I have always considered myself to have an insane sweet tooth and ravenously consumed candy, desserts and all kinds of sugary goodness on a near-daily bases. Very quickly after giving up Diet Coke, those cravings have all but disappeared. I still loved my sweet treats but I noticed that I didn’t HAVE to have them, and so throughout the course of my cleanse they were more of an actual occasional treat instead of a daily obsession. I even noticed my cravings for/consumption of things like bread and pasta subsided.

I was somewhat disorienting to realize that this thing I thought was just a core part of who I was was actually induced by a chemical I’ve been consuming daily for the last decade and a half. Some researchers believe artificial sweeteners like the aspartame in Diet Coke actually fuel the brain’s desire for the real thing, and after six weeks, I agreed with them.

Today, recognizing that my cravings are at least partially a result of choices I’ve made has actually been incredibly empowering. When I’m perusing 711 for snacks before a late night work session, I can no longer grab a bag of M&M’s with the excuse that, “Well I’m just a sweet-tooth having, sugar-loving fiend and there’s nothing I can do to change it!” Instead I think, “Well, I’m craving candy right now because I made the choice to have Diet Coke with my lunch. I can choose to go for it, or I can choose to have a banana instead.” It actually feels really good.

No, I didn’t drop a dress size. But I did find a new awareness of what was fueling my cravings. And as someone who considers herself to have like, zero willpower, it was kind of cool to set such a lofty goal and not just meet but exceed it.

One Year Later

Like I said earlier, I never intended to give up Diet Coke entirely — and I didn’t. Some warned that after six weeks I wouldn’t be able to stand a sip of the stuff, and I can assure you that did not happen. But I do feel like I have a normal, non-psycho person’s relationship with Diet Coke now, and that is a beautiful thing.

For the most part, I probably average about a can a week. When I’m extremely stressed and sleep deprived, I definitely fall back into a can a day. But that has only happened a couple times and within a few days I actually now see it as a big red flag I’m waving at myself — whoa girl, pull in the reigns on your life. Something isn’t right.

I split my year between Thailand and the US, and I admit that it’s much easier to go without here in Thailand, where I never even really liked the local formula but drank it out of pure dependence. In the US, I still love the taste of the stuff, especially the fountain version, and so it is much harder to avoid — especially because when I’m stateside I bounce between staying with various family members who are all still hardcore hooked. What I tried experimenting with last summer was not allowing myself cans at home, and instead only treating myself to fountain Diet Cokes when I was out and about running errands. Therefore it felt more like a special treat that I savored every second of, and less like something I was mindlessly downing out of habit. If I’m staying in a house where I have any input over what’s in the fridge, I keep it Diet Coke-free to avoid the temptation.

While there are definitely certain locations that tempt me to spiral out of control again (hello, my mom and dad’s houses!), overall I feel incredibly free from my old aluminum shackles. It kind of grosses me out now to think that in the past I would drink Diet Coke out of a bottle, or even, heaven forbid, the occasional fountain Diet Pepsi at a restaurant — thing I literally don’t even like — just because I felt like I was powerless not to.

It feel so good to go to a four day festival where there’s no Diet version of Coke and not loose my shit. It feels so nice to stay at a resort that stocks Pepsi (gross) and not freak the flip out. It feels very freeing to no longer wake up in the morning, bug out that the fridge is empty, and disrupt my day by sprinting to the closest minimart to stock up before my dang day can start.

While breaking my Diet Coke addiction didn’t make me the size zero supermodel I had hoped — just kidding, there are no catwalks in the future of this 5’2″-er — it was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It made me feel empowered, it removed a frequent hassle from my life, and it was a major game-changer in the healthier lifestyle I am always trying to cultivate.

Are you a current or reformed diet soda addict? Tell all in the comments!

Please note I know there are a lot of different opinions out there about food and addiction and if you happen to disagree with what I write here, please know it isn’t meant to offend you — I’m just sharing my own personal experiences and thoughts, and I respect that other people’s will be different! Feel free to share your own experiences in the comments.

Want to learn more about the science behind Diet Coke addiction? This article is a good place to start.

Kicking the Can: How I Broke My Addiction to Diet Coke posted first on http://ift.tt/2k2mjrD

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