i am listening to the stereo shows and pretending to answer w the audience
on the topic of dip and pip dressing more femme, honestly they have such a large lesbian fanbase i think they should lean into that and continue dressing as the butch queens they are
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i may have a very complicated relationship with my mother, but the thing is, one part of it i would never change is the fact that she introduced me to some great (and often times not so great for my taste, but still fun and interesting) music.
most important of it all: this woman taught me how to scream queen from the top of my lungs.
i think this in particular says a lot.
like, i was a ten-year-old, just a year into learning english, and i already recognised the first note of i want to break free. i went camping every summer from when i was 12 to when i was 16, and i introduced the kids in the same dorm as me to the euphoria of clapping to the rythm of we will rock you. i danced in the darkness of my room to radio ga-ga during quarantine, because i was scared and confused and ate toast for dinner for two weeks straight since there was nothing else there. i hummed bohemian rhapsody while studying during what i then thought of as the most academically challenging year of my life to keep myself sane in front of calculus. i fell in love for the first time the same year, and i thought of her while listening to good old fashioned lover boy and you're my best friend, because i wasn't able to tell her, so i kept her close to me that way. i went to study in another, unknown city, to live on my own for the very first time, and, inter alia, i put on killer queen, innuendo and don't stop me now, and even i'm in love with my car, to feel like home, a place i never had, because...
i may have a very complicated relationship with my mother, but sometimes my heart thinks that the music we both love will bridge the gap between us. that queen will magically make her arms feel like home, and not somewhere hard and suffocating to be inside of.
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Flight
countless years
an adult lifetime spent
huddling in a lightless pit
dug by my own hands
a prison with bars
crafted from my fears
surer than steel
darker than despair
none came to rescue me
but they sat vigil
waiting for me to emerge
no hands pulled me out
but they reached out
waiting for me to grab on
when I awoke
moving from stasis
the grandiosity of life
overwhelmed my senses
I had learned to move but
ran screaming
from the joyous vigilant
ran screaming
from the kind hands
ran screaming
from hearts that touched mine
ran screaming
from my deeper self
inhabiting with calmness
breathing with sagacity
this unfettered world
skills I have yet to achieve
but there is a trick to
harnessing the move-by-wire
system of a traumatized soul
shifting the flow of its
kinetic panic
and now I run screaming
towards shared joy
run screaming
towards kindness
run screaming
towards unknowable hearts
run screaming
towards my treasures
fear still pulls
my eyes screwed shut
but I run regardless
my body senses
the cliffs of Mount Desert Island
slick granite and
Ellsworth Schist
fifteen foot fog masking
the Atlantic roar
like staring into
the periphery of the world
staring into
infinite possibilities
staring into
the ugliest of your inner truths
staring into
the face of a god
and I do not slow, I
leap
heartfirst
and feel it touch
down upon another cliff
again I leap, and
again, and realize
if I just keep leaping
from abyssal cliffs
it is almost
like flying
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Things I’ve Watched During (and After) the Quarantine (updated 4/4/24)
9-1-1 - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
9-1-1: Lone Star - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4
Abbott Elementary - Seasons 1, 2
America’s Next Top Model - Cycles 3, 4, 5, 8, 12, 14, 22
American Horror Story - Seasons 10, 11, 12
The Bear - Seasons 1, 2
The Good Place - Season 1
Looking - Seasons 1, 2, Movie [FINISHED]
Love, Victor - Season 1, 2, 3 [FINISHED]
Make Me a Supermodel - Season 1
Monsieur Spade - Season 1 [FINISHED]
A Murder at the End of the World - Season 1 [FINISHED]
Murdoch Mysteries - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16
New Amsterdam - Season 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 [FINISHED]
Only Murders in the Building - Season 1, 2, 3
Poker Face - Season 1
Queer as Folk - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 [FINISHED]
Q-Force - Season 1
Real Housewives of New Jersey - Season 13
Riverdale - Season 5, 7
The Rookie - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4
RuPaul’s Drag Race - Season 11,12, 13, 14, 15, 16
RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars - Season 5, 7
School Spirits - Season 1
Schitt’s Creek - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 [FINISHED]
Sex/Life - Seasons 1, 2 [FINISHED]
Supernatural - Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
Three Pines - Season 1
Under the Banner of Heaven
Walker - Seasons 1, 2, 3
Wednesday - Season 1
Will Trent - Seasons 1
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