Secrets Out
Gif is not mine but his face gives me tingles 🥰
Warnings: drinking, smoking, swearing and angst, that's kind of my thing though so nothing new.
Word count: 3.7k
Today was the final straw, Y/N had no issues ever keeping her feelings for John B a secret, she kept her mouth closed and just enjoyed her time with him. Y/N had been hiding the feelings she has had for her best friend a secret since she was 7 and he was 9. The day a 10 year old Rafe Cameron pushed her off the monkey bars into the dirt and called her a dirty pogue for the first time. John B rushed to her side, picked her right up from the ground and wrapped her in a hug as she cried loudly. From that day on, Y/N knew she would follow him to the ends of the earth and jump off with him, all he had to do was ask.
Y/N grew up with John B and JJ Maybank, side by side, literally because Y/N's family lived directly next to the chateau. The duo accepted her into their fold quickly and the trio was inseparable. Watching those boys grow up was hell for Y/N, watching them pine after countless girls, being a shoulder for them when they were rejected. Her affection for the brunette boy grew and grew the older they got, turning into what she knew was love. Y/N was in love with John B Routledge and there was nothing she could do about it.
Tonight was the start of summer parry at the boneyard and Y/N was standing in Kie's bedroom getting dressed. The girls passed a joint back and forth, taking turns pulling things from bags or the closet. "Y/N, can I ask you something?" Kie rolled over on her bed and passed the joint. Y/N nodded her head absentmindedly, pulling a pair of dark denim shorts up her tanned legs. "If you had to pick one of the pogues to marry, who would you pick?"
That got Y/N's full attention as she spun quickly towards the girl. Heart pounding rapidly as her brain immediately conjured the image of John B in her mind, thinking again about how she pictured their lives together. "Earth to Y/N!" Kie waved her hand in the girl's face. "You already got that answer huh? Must have thought about this a lot." Kie laughed and pushed herself off her bed.
Blushing brightly, Y/N hit the joint and blew the smoke in her friend's face. "I would pick you, obviously, those boys suck." She passed the joint back and went back to the closet.
"While you aren't wrong, you're lying but I'll figure it out." Kie winked and threw a sundress to her. "Give me those shorts, wear this and" Kie poked around her closet and pulled out a pair of converse, "put these on."
Once they were both dressed they jumped into Kie's Nissan and off to the boneyard they went. When they got there, it seemed like half of the island was already there, and the sun was beginning to set. Linked arm in arm the girls scanned the beach looking for their friends. Y/N let herself be led by Kiara, still thinking about the question she was asked.
She couldn't stop thinking about the domestic heaven scenario playing on repeat in her head. Thinking about waking up with John B, watching his sleeping form rouse awake and yawning softly, she wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his long arms and hearing him say sweet nothings to her in his sleep coated voice. Sighing contentedly to the daydream was enough to alert her friends that she wasn't paying attention. Y/N hadn't even noticed they had stopped walking until she felt Kie drop her arm. Looking around she saw they had made it across the beach to a bonfire where JJ and Pope were arguing over something and across the fire, John B sat with a pretty blonde touron.
Y/N ignored the pang in her heart as she threw herself into the wide open and flailing arms of JJ. He wrapped his arms around her middle, giving her a brief squeeze before he simply shifted her to one side and handed her his cup, and went right back to arguing with Pope. Y/N smiled warmly at the blond boy but sat silently and drank JJ's beer. Kie chatted with her as she sat comfortably on JJs lap, eyes flickering towards John B often. Seeing him smile warmly at the girl made Y/N’s insides twist but she couldn't look away.
JJ tapped her bare thigh a few times and she stood up, JJ standing right behind her. "Time for a refill, another for anyone else?" He looked between the three of them but his gaze stopped on Y/N as she nodded quickly. "You look damn good tonight, by the way, Y/N." He leaned over and planted a kiss to the top of her head, he lifted his leg over her and stopped at Kie. "You too, pretty girl." He kissed the top of her head as well and then walked towards the keg.
"Look at JB, that blonde is already replaced by a red head. He's not backing down tonight guys." Pope chuckled with a shake of his head, thankfully missing the way your face dropped for half a second before taking a sip from your cup. Kie didn't miss it though, her head whipping back and forth between the two of you.
"Oh my god it's John B isn't it?" Kies slight buzz was making her voice louder.
JJ walked up at that moment, carrying three cups sloshing beer over the top. "What is John B?" He asked as he sat down and motioned for Y/N to take one. "Oh, is it the red head? Sorry Y/N, looks like this isn't your night either." Shrugging and taking a long drink from his cup.
"JJ! Are you kidding me?" Y/N yelled, her face turning red instantly.
Kiara stared at the two of them with her mouth gaping. Pope reached over and closed her mouth, "Just because you didn't see it Kie, doesn't mean it wasn't happening." He laughed at her and Y/N groaned loudly.
"I'm never hanging out with you fucks again." Y/N hid her face in her arm, “Literally, I hate you guys. We’re going to talk about literally anything else right now.” She shook her head, refusing to show her friends the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Taking a drink she smacked JJ’s leg when she realized they were all just staring at her. “I'm serious you guys, I don't want to talk about this here.” Y/N pointed her finger harshly at them all.
Kie just stared at her, “You mean to tell me that you have had a crush on John B this entire time? Y/N, why didn't you tell me?” Kie whisper yelled at Y/N and the girl just held up her hand.
“Kiara, I'm serious, I do not want to talk about this.” Y/N’s lip quivered and JJ immediately grabbed the girl back up into his lap, Kie reaching her hand out towards her friend and Pope putting a hand on her shoulder. “Yes, alright, I am in love with John Booker Routledge and I have been for a many years, no there's nothing at all that I am going to do about it. I am just going to sit here and drink about it, is that alright with you miss nosey?” Y/N stuck her tongue out at her friends and JJ cheered.
“To drinking about problems!” He raised his cup in the air and Y/N joined him with a small laugh. “Y/N/N, I promise that you do not need to tell me twice that you do not want to talk about your feelings, because I for one am all for that.” She playfully smacked his chest, JJ swatting her hand away. “Don't get me wrong, sweetheart, any other day but today is about summer, not about feelings.” Pope raised his cup to that and they crunched their cups together, laughing at the beer spilling off the sides.
Y/N was trying to throw herself into talking with her friends, but it was hard to be distracted when she was facing John B and his red headed friend. She watched John B lean in and kiss the girl softly, his hand cupping her face gently. Y/N couldn't stop the whimper that fell from her lips. JJ tapped her leg again and stood up, "Switch sides guys." Kie and Pope both slid their way down to where JJ and Y/N were sitting, JJ tapping his other leg so she could sit back down with her back to John B. "Don't worry about them, Y/N." He pressed his lips to the side of her head and she curled into him and enjoyed the rest of her night.
-
The next day when she walked over to the Chateau, hungover and starving, she was instantly nauseous when she saw a mop of red hair bouncing around in the kitchen. Her feet wouldn't move from her spot on the porch, lip already quivering when she heard the girl laugh. Y/N told her feet to move, to turn around and go home. She didn't want to see this, her feelings simmering at the top after her confession last night, but she couldn't move. "Y/N!" She heard her voice being called but she couldn't respond, couldn't turn towards the voice, she had caught a glimpse of John B lifting the girl onto the counter and her giggles following soon after. "Y/N!!" JJ's body collided with hers as he dragged her from the porch. "Come on, let's go." JJ wrapped his arm around her and she couldn't stop the tears falling.
JJ half carried his best friend to the hammock by the water, sitting side by side. Y/N sniffled slightly and reached into her bra, pulling out a joint and lighter. "I'm sorry J, I know you aren't a fan of the whole feelings thing." She chuckled as she brought the joint shakily to her lips. "I don't know what's wrong with me, it's never been a problem before so why now?" Y/N shook her head and more wet streaks stained her face.
JJ reached over and snatched the joint from her lips and lit it himself. "Y/N/N, just because I don't like to talk about it doesn't mean I don't care." He handed it back to her, blowing the smoke in her face to make her smile. "I'm here for you, babe."
Y/N laughed, taking the joint from his fingers, "No, J, you're here for the weed." Sticking her tongue out at him, he playfully smacked at her thigh. "But as long as you're here I'm happy." They swung together for a while, laying in the sun and passing the joint back and forth in silence. Y/N was nearly asleep when the sound of the screen door slamming shut woke her up.
"Hey Y/N/N, when did you get here?" John B's voice was bright and cheery, which made Y/N's heart clench.
Sitting up and stretching her arms above her head, JJ grumbled in protest as he fell over. "I don't even know what time it is now, JB. I came over and saw your conquest in the kitchen." She spat at him, rolling her eyes. JJ sat up and watched the two carefully.
"Her name is Lauren." John B snapped back. "What's wrong with you today?" He reached out to her and she pulled away quickly. John B pulled his hand back like he had been burned. "Y/N? What's your problem with Lauren? Do you even know her?"
She scoffed and stood up. "No, JB, but I know you. And there's always going to be another one isn't there?" JJ stood up and grabbed at her arm but she pulled it away from him too. "Thank you for hanging out with me J, but I think I'm gonna just head home." She waved off any more conversation and walked towards her house.
John B looked after her and shook his head. "What the hell was that all about?" JJ chuckled dryly and started walking towards the chateau.
"You're fucking clueless, man."
Once the boys were back inside, John B started telling JJ about his fun night with Lauren, JJ holding a scowl on his face the whole time until he heard the front door open. "Y/N?" He called out but the female voice that responded wasn't hers.
"It's us, guys!" Kie shouted through the house.
"Kitchen!" John B hollered back, giving JJ a weird look.
When Kie and Pope came through the doorway John B stared at them. "Do either of you know what happened with Y/N? She's mad at me I think?"
Kie rolled her eyes and John B pointed at her. "That's what she kept doing! What do you know, Kiara?" He moved closer to her and she stood her ground, crossing her arms. "All I know is yesterday everything was fine and now she won't even talk to me, I miss my best friend." John B plopped himself onto a bar stool and pouted.
JJ shook his head at Kie, willing her to keep her mouth closed. JJ had kept Y/N's secret to himself for years and now that Kiara knew, there was no way it was going to be a secret much longer. She rolled her eyes at JJ and put both hands on the counter. "Can you really not see it, JB? You honestly can't tell me what would be her problem? Watching you bring home countless girls and parading them around?" She scoffed and crossed her arms again. "You can't be that dense."
"Kie, stop." JJ warned, raising his finger at her, Pope put his hands on Kie's shoulders and tried to pull her back but she shook him off.
John B looked between his friends and stood up. "What are you guys hiding?" He looked right at Kie and she stared at him.
"I'm serious, Kiara, don't." JJ spoke softly, "please."
"Kie, don't." Pope added, shaking his head. "She won't forgive you for this." He whispered to her, hoping his friend didn't hear. One look told him he was wrong.
John B crossed his arms over his chest. "Someone better tell me what the hell is going on with Y/N, right now."
"SHES IN LOVE WITH YOU IDIOT!" Kie shouted and JJ smacked the counter, running his hands through his hair. Pope threw his hands in the air and they landed on his hips.
"Jesus christ Kiara." JJ grumbled, pushing open the screen door and taking off towards Y/N's house, John B quick on his heels only to be stopped by Pope standing in his way.
"I'm sorry brother but you need to stop. This isn't something you were supposed to find out, you can't go running off without a plan." Pope had both hands on John B's shoulders.
He shoved his friends hands from his shoulders and tried to step past him. "Are you serious? Are you freaking serious right now? I'm not supposed to do anything about this?" John B shoved his hands in Kie's direction, the girl standing wide eyed off to the side. "She just threw a grenade into my life, Pope, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?"
Still blocking the doorway with his arms extended like he was approaching a wild animal, "you need to think about this, you know that this grenade didn't just go off in your life man." John B sat down for a second before standing back up.
"I have to talk to Y/N."
-
JJ ran as fast as he could across the yards to Y/N's house, pounding furiously on her door. Y/N flung the door open quickly, "JJ? What the hell? What's wrong? Are you okay? Is everyone okay?" She fired off questions rapidly, seeing her best friend's frantic face.
"Kiara told John B."
Those words stopped her heart and her hand flew to her mouth. Rushing back inside she tried to slam the door but JJ stuck his foot in the way. "JJ, please, I really need to be alone right now." Her voice cracked and JJ could see the tremble in her chin. "Please." Once he saw the first wet streak appear on her cheek, he pushed forward through the door and wrapped the girl in his arms, closing the door behind him with a click. She fought him weakly before collapsing against him.
"I'm not going to leave you." He shushed the girl as she began to hiccup while she sniffled. He ran his hand over her hair and held her tightly. A soft knock on the door made Y/N freeze in his arms. She shook her head quickly, JJ reaching forward and turning the knob slowly.
"Y/N?" John B's voice floated through the doorway and she tried to pull away but JJ only held her tighter. John B stepped through the door, hearing her sniffle and JJ shushing her softly. "Y/N, can we talk?" He reached out for her but JJ pulled them back. He looked at the girl who whimpered and nodded her head.
"Let's sit you down." John B had never seen JJ speak so softly to anyone but Y/N in his life. Next to himself, JJ needed Y/N in his life, she was his best friend. She was John B's best friend too, which is what made this conversation so hard for him. "Do you want me to leave?" JJ asked the girl and she shook her head, her eyes wide and wet with tears. "Alright, I'll stay for this extremely not awkward conversation that has nothing to do with me." He chuckled dryly, looking between the two, who weren't looking at him at all, rather they were both staring at each other.
After a few minutes of nothing but sniffling from both Y/N and John B, he finally spoke. "Is it true?" He asked softly. "Or were they all lying to me? I need to hear it from you."
Y/N wiped her nose on her sleeve before shaking her head. "No.. they weren't lying." She closed her eyes and took a deep and shaky breath. "I do, I do love you." Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks and JJ rubbed his hand on her arm. "But I didn't want you to find out like that." She hiccuped and chuckled. "I didn't want you to find out at all, actually." She wouldn't look at him, so instead she played with the bracelets that were on JJ's wrist.
"You don't seem surprised by this, J." John B looked to his friend who shrugged his shoulders.
"We're kindred spirits, Y/N and I." JJ murmured, "both of us are in love with someone who doesn't know the truth."
"Kie?" John B asked, his face softened for his friend who nodded his head.
"Not here to talk about me, dude." JJ reminded John B, who sighed.
"Y/N, listen, you know how much you mean to me, and you know-" John B scrubbed a hand over his face, stopping abruptly when she cut him off.
"Please, JB, don't say it." Her chin quivered and she closed her eyes. "I know you don't love me, I didn't expect you to, but please just," she viciously wiped her face, watery eyes focused on the ceiling, JJ rubbing her knee. "Don't make me have to hear you say it." Her voice cracked and John B's heart broke.
He reached for her and this time she let him take her hand. "Look at me Y/N." She sniffled and raised her eyes to his. "You're my best friend, okay? Nothing in the world is ever going to change that." His own voice wavered, "I promise you that." He gave her hand a squeeze and she closed her eyes, her body deflating against JJ. "And I am so fucking sorry." He dropped her hand and stood up and left without another word.
JJ held Y/N tighter as she let out a sob when the door clicked closed. "I'm sorry Y/N." JJ whispered softly, "I'm so sorry." He rocked with her as she cried.
"I didn't want him to say it, but I hoped he would say something else." She whispered softly against JJ's chest as he rocked her. "You know I can't stay here right?" Y/N didn't look at him but she felt him sigh.
"I knew you were going to say that." His own voice was straining, the thought of being apart from any of his friends was heartbreaking for him, let alone being away from Y/N. John B was his brother but Y/N was his best friend. "Is there anything I can say to change your mind?"
Y/N shook her head sadly, nuzzling closer to his chest.
-
The next day, JJ woke in the hammock at the chateau after a long night of tears. His head was pounding and he could feel the anger pulsing through him when he heard John B's voice shouting for him. "What the fuck is this about JJ?" John B shouted, waving a letter in his hand.
"Exactly what it says man."
He looked at the blond boy and then at the letter in his hand.
John Booker,
I know this is what I asked you for, I didn't want you to say the words that would break my heart but when you left, it didn't just break, it shattered. I'm in love with you John Booker Routledge, I think I always have been and I'm sure I always will have love for you. I can't be around right now, and I hope that JJ actually delivers this letter because he's telling me that he refuses. I'll be staying on the mainland for a while, but I'll miss you and everyone else. I hope you understand JB. I love you.
-Y/N
"She's really gone?" John B ran a hand through his hair, looking towards her house, like he was going to see her walking towards them like always. She wasn't there. She wouldn't be there for a long time.
JJ nodded his head and closed his eyes to the rising sun. "She's really gone, dropped her off myself." John B dropped in the grass in front of the hammock and pulled out a joint. "Smoke one for her good luck?"
"She did say that I was only here for the weed." JJ shrugged his shoulders and passed his friend a lighter and they watched the sun shimmer across the water in silence.
Xx
Tagging a few of my favorites :) @strokesofstokes @maybankforlife @pankowforlife @adventuresinobx @wannabestarkeysgirl
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