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inqilabi · 1 month

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One time on a first date with a guy, he had asked me why I was so specific about where and how I wanted to meet. I told him, I can always tell whether a man is interested in me from the very first look they give when they walk towards you. And it's important for me that I arrive early so that I can see the man walk towards me. Because they have 1 of 3 looks. 1) is they're just ambivalent and typically they're not attracted 2) the have this awestruck look of interest 3) they are leering almost up and down and it's too sexualized. And they lose interest quickly (and doesn't matter because I'm not interested in this type obviously).

And he asked me which type I found him to fall under. And I told him that he's ambivalent and not attracted. And he was like, nooo that's not the case. But I was like this has never failed me lol. Even though this whole time prior to meeting me, he had built up how attractive he thought I was. Really liked all my pics. And before meeting me and during the date itself, he said Pakistani women are beautiful (he was Bengali). End of the date, he walked me to my car and said let's do it again sometime.

And sure enough, he reached out but kinda mildly, boring - how was your weekend. To which I replied and equally boring response, and it died lol.

I have literally saved so much energy by making sure that I arrive first on a date. This puts me in a more comfortable spot and the guy in a more nervous spot. With you technically "receiving" him. As opposed to the traditional, him receiving you. And in that moment, with him walking towards you there is no pretense. And you can really see their very initial feelings towards you imho.

#ofc some men will develop feelings for you over time and those are the best ones #but not a lot of men are that self-aware enough on the online dating world to realize that to be the way the world works #and just as much as women men also look for the spark which for them is based on physical attraction #thoughts on dating #I mean I usually don't tell the men all this but i could tell this one wasnt gonna workout so i decided to tell my trade secrets #because I wanted to field test... see how they react to info about themselves lolol #dating stories

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peachyhoneyadventures · 2 months

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EDOLISSE AND VARRICK

These Hands, If Not Gods by Natalie Diaz | Still from When A Man Loves (1927) | Snippet from Richard Siken's "Crush" | Still from Lodger (???) | Poem from Margaret Atwood's "You are Happy"

#a lot of references to religion though that's probably mostly on Edolisse's part #I imagine Edolisse and Varrick's attraction to each other is a little superficial in the beginning #she's clearly a very pretty twenty something and Varrick doesn't want to hold her back #Rabbitt themselves said that Varrick is worried about getting involved with the LDB due to not wanting to burden them #On Edolisse's end she's only really hung up on her past relationships #Her late husband and the nature of his death is still a fresh wound that takes a long time to heal #So they really start to relate to each other when they talk about their pasts and their previous partners #Both their previous partners had been killed and they both sort of blame themselves for it #Though most of Edolisse's partners have died so she's terrified something will take Varrick away from her too #It takes awhile but she starts to see his strength #both physical and mental strength #she starts to get comfortable with the idea of being with him then falls hopelessly in love with him #While they don't have an extremely long life ahead of them (Varrick is an older man after all) Edolisse is determined to make it last #web weaving #The credits to the other quotes are in the images themselves and I am LAZY #WickVeil #Edolisse Wickham #Varrick Veil #tes v skyrim #tesblr #At this point I feel a little bad for clogging up the Varrick's tag with my bullshit :(((#I JUST THINK OF THEM A LOT OKAY?

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autisticlee · 10 months

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it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....

#autism #autistic #asexual #aromantic #these are probably the two factors that put me in this position #im undateable because im too autistic to form any connections with people and cant even make or keep friends around for long #so how would i ever try to date anyone????#and also asexual which makes it harder. and aromantic (not sure what kind if its like demi and i just need to meet “the one”#and form a connection first to actually have any feelimgs for anyone or not sure if I simply cannot experience romantic attraction #either way its a lonely existence in a world where 99% of people pair off or obsessed with trying to partner up #and theres less value/time/effort put on friendships #ON TOP OF being autistic and forming any connections at ALL is an extremely difficult task that seems to always fail on me!#lee rants #lee rambles #im actually visiting a friend and her gf (who is also friend but we are less close) so i know not everyone partners and shuns friends #but they live in another country and i cant visit all the time so it doesnt help this lonely shit feeling all the time D: to have ~1 friend #would be nice to have all the close benefits and of a dating partnership without the physical stuff and pressure of “dating”#if thar makes sense. best friends but life patners. the person is obligated to help me and bw there for me at all times #someone who chooses me first instead of others. someone that doesnt make me their last choice all the time #their very comfortable to be around and we relate and get along perfectly and make up for each others weaknesses #my favorite person and im their favorite person #they usually always say yes to me and include me and im their first choice for eveything #they respect my needs and boundaries and work with me if we have a misunderstanding or disagreement.#its so hard to find people like this. someone who matches me well enough to fit all these picky things i want #someone who would like me enough to be like this. someone im comfortable with and like who fits the energy i want #even if someone liked ME enough and was these thjngs if they arent comfortable or match my energy then i dont want them #im not desperate enough to take Anyone ans im extremely picky about it #being aroace makes any kind of datimg very hard because theres ~less fish in the sea~#but being autistic makes it EVEN HARDER becuase i cant even make and keep FRIENDS so how would i have a /partner/ ?????#sighs. i think im meant to live a lonely life and need to learn to accept it

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catoscloves · 7 months

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enemies to lovers isn't "he's generally an unpleasant person to be around, he constantly puts other people down and disrespects/condescends/ostracizes them, he's cruel and a bully... but his one redeeming quality is that he looks attractive" like. bestie that's not a redemption arc!! or a redeeming quality!!! a person can and should control their behaviors, but how they look literally has no bearing on their worth as a person!

like... this trope is about an initial misunderstanding and miscommunication that leads to mild conflict and resentment of each other,but eventually they move past this rocky start by revealing to each other their humanity and good qualities, and communicating what happened the first time they met so that they can clear up that situation, and slowly becoming good friends who enjoy spending time with each other and eventually become really close, and the realization that one accidental mishap/slip in behavior/aashole mistake isn't what defines a person and sometimes your first interpretation of them is sometimes wrong!! an entire opinion of someone should be formed based on their behaviors, values, actions, and morals, and quality time spent with this person, not because they have nice cheekbones.

#and i can speak to this from experience #because i didn't outright hate this guy we just had very contradicting personalities and were polar opposites which is why we didn't #get along well when we first met #but then i realized how charming and sweet and kind and intelligent he was and i liked him so much for the same things #that I initially found as off putting and negative traits at first #and he had a similar experience with me and we found that our opposing personalities complemented each other #and THEN i noticed that he was literally so fine and had an amazing back and really nice eyes and a charming smile and good hair #he became one of my best friends first and the person i wanted to spend time with the most LONG BEFORE i ever found him physically appealin #or attractive at all #also this post is calling out middle school me because i read tlc and i wanted iko to have a love interest #and it was very heteronormative at the time too #and then the author literally didn't develop her or her love interest character AT ALL and designed them so poorly #and i didn't realize that this wasn't the correct way to do enemies to lovers #or that iko stood on her own as a character and kinney was completely unnecessary and so boring and bland aldjfkfkf #wait i might have to tag this #anti kiko #anti iko x kinney #the way I haven't thought about this book series in years akdjfkdmdl #enemies to lovers #tropes #anna speaks

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darcyolsson · 7 months

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truly did not expect to come out of my tmi reread a hardcore jimon but i should have known that the second i started ironically shipping them it was over for me

#i could dissect it for ages but i think their reluctant friendship combined with the fact that they are #objectively the two most attractive characters in the series just makes them make a strange amount of sense #like obviously their dislike for each other is mostly for comedic purposes #but its like.... why is jace avoiding physically touching simon after all this time still? even though they lived together etc?#and also the fact that most moments of intimacy between them are framed as either simon or jace 'losing control'#eg simon drinking jaces blood or jace moving in w/protecting simon when he was mentally in a very dark place #it basicallt perpetuates the narrative of jace (mostly jace) having some kind of positive feelings for simon which he prefers to repress #which makes very little sense. because thats his girlfriends best friend. unless there's something else at play there #do you get me. IM NOT CRAZY. okay maybe a little #vic reads tmi #(also yes simon is arguably the most attractive character in the series based on other characters' interactions with him)#(...and i would go as far to say that simon's attractiveness is as relevant to the plot of tmi as jace's is)#jimon

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kinokoshoujoart · 5 months

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blunt rotation

#this is the objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz / you get no bitches because you’re so sucks weed club #what would happen #personally. i think all of them would talk over each other at the same time and none of them would ever shut up #sanji would end up beating the shit out of all of them and then make dinner for their gfs to treat them #only to find out that none of the gfs exist #cora clownposting content

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flashbic · 1 month

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do 2 + 12 for le lorrain pls 🥺✌️ good morning

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

That he's 100% one of the good guys but ALSO that he's allowed to be a bit of a jerk! I love that while he says he regrets what he did to Falconi, just a few hours earlier he's right there, literally taunting him about it and being a dick. We know he still lies to ladies for attention! Despite how well that went the one time! In that other ep his dad is literally asking for his help, and sure he wants to help, but he was actually still going to say no before Cartouche stopped him because he was more focused on keeping his identity as a Cartouchien secret.

He's a nice, smart guy, and he comes off as smooth so it's not as easy to notice, but you kinda get the impression that he hasn't completely lost the asshole vibes! And i think that makes for a fun character!

(special mention to the one bit where he walks next to Demachault and messes up his wig Just For Funsies, it's so gratuitous and i just think it's funny ok)

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Bisexual le Lorrain REAL. I like the idea that those aren't feelings he ever really did anything about, because ultimately he likes flirting with ladies a whole lot and that's enough for him… but maybe he had some confused feelings for his bestie Cartouche for a little bit, and maybe that's part of what made him tag along when they first met.

In general i don't really consider that orientation as something that would've influenced the way he treated Falconi back when they were rivals; for the most part i like to think that he saw that relationship more as competition initially, and that things turned sour because he couldn't stand having someone he thought of as beneath him beating him at anything. Also i see him typically being more attracted to people who are outgoing, funny and talkative, and Falconi being generally none of those things wouldn’t have helped asdfjgk (the fun point being that maybe Falconi could've been a little bit more like that if he hadn't felt like people were constantly antagonizing him)

My other headcanon is that he’s a single child ans is absolutely a mama’s boy <3 She taught him music (canon!) and maybe spoiled him a little too much.

#cartouche prince des faubourgs #people need to send me more Cartouche asks bc i NEED to write down my thoughts on all these characters ok i love them so much #the big fanfic hadn't been planned to be shippy initially! and part of what i like about it is that at first #both Falconi and le Lorrain don't see much to like about each other #le Lorrain is attracted to fun outgoing people! people he can banter and joke around with! Falconi just seems cold and mean and not fun #meanwhile Falconi thinks everything about this guy is off-putting. he's loud and annoying and never seems to think!#and of course Falconi clings to his perception of le Lorrain from 10 years ago; when he was selfish and saw commoners as beneath him #so the fic is one massive slow burn bc they just. need to befriend each other before they can possibly find each other attractive #Falconi is always going to be kinda quiet! but he's confident and can actually be fun and snarky when he's around people he trusts #and sure le Lorrain is always going to be kinda loud but he's changed! he doesn't need to be the center of attention all the time #he knows how to pay attention to people and he actually does care! and of course he's smart when you actually sit down and talk to him #and look sure beyond all of this there's basic physical attraction #but neither of them were possibly going to acknowledge any of THAT while everything else was in the way #le Lorrain

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twinge-of-cosmicangst · 2 years

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Just thinking about how in boar on the floor when Logan asked the three of them who spoke to Pansil and Greg looks at Tom and says “please” it’s in ear shot of Logan and Tom and Greg just look at each other until Logan shouts “Hey” I think he knew at that moment it was Greg but wanted to punish Tom for covering for him, a worse crime in Logan’s eyes because Tom was showing more loyalty to Greg then he was to Logan. This with the implication that Tom spoke to Logan about Greg getting a promotion alongside him in exchange for information on the sibling’s plans, means that surely Logan would’ve clocked on to Tom’s fondness of Greg which could lead to some interesting scenes in season 4...

#tomgreg #I don’t necessarily think he’ll accuse Tom of being a queer like he does with his sons I think he’s more likely to call Greg a slur #with Tom he might say something like I know you see yourself as some sort of father figure to Greg #but you can’t keep looking out for Greg all the time you’ve got to look out for number #Tom would be offended because he’s not quote unquote old enough to be a father figure to Greg #but also because does not view Greg in a paternal way at least not entirely it’s obvious mixed in with his physical attraction to Greg #which he doesn’t want Logan to know about it bad enough he has noticed the genuine fondness that Tom has for Greg #so therefore Tom maybe tries to distance himself from Greg #idk tags turned into a post of there own

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dungeonmalcontent · 7 months

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Twilight, but it's a reexamination of the way elves age in most fantasy universes.

"I know what you are. You're skin is pale and you're unbelievably fast."

"Not that fast. Marginally faster than most people. On average."

"Sometimes you speak like you're from another time, I've never seen your ears... and I've only ever seen you eat root vegetables."

"Just say it"

"no, you have to do the line..."

"*fine* Say it, out loud."

"You're an elf."

"Cool. Now can you please just not tell anyone about this?"

---

"How old are you?"

"I dunno, like... 460."

"But you don't look older than 17."

"I spent about 50 years looking like I was 10."

"And how long have you looked like you were 17?"

"uh--probably 200 years? I don't know. We don't age in reverse dog years, there isn't math for this."

"Ugh, Sindreth, you're so stupid."

#started out as my brain going “twiligh vampires are basically just elves”#but then there was the examination that nit physically aging while mentally aging is oddly creepier if edward is an elf #somehow twilight actually functions well with the assumption that vampirism fundamentally stagnates mental growth #but also. Twilight is still super weird for that.#getting on a tangent that has already been done to death #this is about elves #assuming elves are more Tolkien-like and live forever they age very slowly to the point that they are basically just twilight vampires #and its very funny to me to imagine an angsty teenage (by elf standards) elf playing through all the dumb edward scenes #but by the time i wrote the end of the post i just went to the “attracted to stupid people” thing that goes around ever now and then

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its-your-mind · 5 months

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you know that meme about how when you wear sunglasses no one knows where you’re looking but you’re really looking at tits?

That’s me @ yjh literally every time his chest is in frame in the webtoon

Like 👀👀👀

#orv #orv webtoon #yoo joonghyuk #ty I WILL objectify this old* man #like LOOK AT HOW TIGHT HIS SHIRT IS OVER HIS CHEST and then it gets all LOOSE AROUND THE MIDSECTION #this is like when everyone flipped the fuck out about bernenant crunchernuts’s purple button up but this time Actually Attractive #anyway kim dokja is so real for falling in love with one (1) person ever and never looking at anyone else look at the fucking BEAUTY #of COURSE he compares every other attractive human to him #*old here referring not to his physical age but to the tens of thousands of years he has been regressing through existence

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marshmallowgoop · 2 years

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Spoilers for the ninth Detective Conan OVA, "The Stranger From 10 Years Later."

Realistically, out-of-universe, I know it's little more than fanservice. It's a peek at what a popular recurring character's future could be, a snapshot of how things may turn out for him. But in-universe, I can't help thinking about the implications of 26- or 27-year-old Heiji's short cameo appearance in Shinichi's literal fever dream.

There's an immense level of detail to the entire scenario. The tree in the Kudo yard has grown taller, downtown Tokyo is littered with new buildings and renovated old ones, a high school teacher's face is lined with more wrinkles than he ought to have after a mere "few months." It's a vibrant, breathing world that Shinichi's imagined—one that indicates to me that he's deeply considered the possibility of never returning to his old life. He's walked by his home, in a body so small that he can't even unlock the gate, and thought to himself, "One day, that tree will tower over the fence, but I'll still be stuck as tiny Conan." He's ruminated about it, wondered and speculated and deliberated, how the city around him will change while he hasn't been allowed to, not in the way he wants.

And he's done the same concerning Heiji. And... it's positive. Immensely so.

Interviewer: For today, we'll be interviewing... The famous detective from Naniwa, Hattori Heiji-san! He has brilliantly solved numerous intricate cases and is now recognized all over Japan! He's even opened his own detective agency!

Or, at least, it is at first, anyway. It's quickly revealed that Heiji and Kazuha's relationship hasn't progressed in the slightest, which, while obviously not a particularly favorable outcome for either of them, does say something about Shinichi. Because you could argue that Shinichi envisions Heiji living the life that he himself so desperately desires. You could say that the true purpose of Heiji's appearance in this OVA is to accentuate the future that Shinichi craves but cannot have, not yet and never as himself, where he's the mastermind behind a thriving, well-renowned detective agency, where an interview with him is unquestioningly broadcast on a huge screen overlooking Tokyo streets, where busy passersby stop in place, look up, and listen to what he has to say.

And... where he's also popular with girls.

Heiji is known as "The Lady-Killer of Naniwa" in Shinichi's imagination, and especially early in the manga, Shinichi does explicitly enjoy that kind of attention (File 10, included as File 1 in Volume 2, spells this out directly).

Interviewer: I've heard that the young ladies have a certain nickname for Hattori-san... "The Lady-Killer of Naniwa."

But the fact that Heiji and Kazuha have gotten nowhere points me elsewhere. This isn't an idealized fantasy that Shinichi wishes he could have for himself in the slightest. Ran is his dream. The emotional heart of this special, the dominant, overarching tragedy, is how Conan's overwriting and erasure of Shinichi prevents him from being with his lifelong love. There's no way that Shinichi would ever imagine a "happy end" that's anything like what Heiji and Kazuha have going on in this OVA.

So, what does Shinichi's conception of 26- or 27-year-old Heiji mean? A few things:

Even in this nightmarish "bad end," Shinichi cannot conceive of a life without Heiji, just as he cannot conceive of a life without Ran. It's unthinkable.

Shinichi wholeheartedly believes that Heiji will be wildly successful in his career.

Shinichi wholeheartedly believes that Heiji is so attractive and good-looking that of course he'll be wildly popular with women. Undoubtedly.

tl;dr, Shinichi's thought about Heiji's future, and those thoughts are really essentially, "Yeah, there's no way that my boy Hattori isn't going to have his own fantastic detective agency one day, and also, he's a hunk, so he'll be called 'The Lady-Killer of Naniwa.'"

Seriously.

#detective conan #case closed #the stranger from 10 years later #shinichi kudo #heiji hattori #heishin #ramblings #shut up goop #i know i'm a broken record but you can't tell me that shinichi doesn't think highly of heiji #or that he could never be romantically attracted to heiji #even if it's vague i think this is the only time that shinichi has ever openly acknowledged the physical attractiveness of a guy #like c'mon he literally thinks heiji is so attractive that he'll be called 'the lady-killer of naniwa'??? i seriously cannot get over that #and sure this is just an ova and probably not canon but if some of the kazunari kouchi-written films are apparently getting canonized (?)#i don't see why this kazunari kouchi-written special can't too #it's canon in my heart in any case lol #anyway of course thinking highly of someone and that they're physically attractive #doesn't necessarily mean that there's any romantic attraction #and i never ever ever mean to discount the significance of platonic bonds or imply that they mean any less than romantic ones #i'm all about focusing on friendship first (which is why i rarely tag ships)#but at the same time it *really* rubs me the wrong way to see the argument that shinichi could ~never~ reciprocate heiji's affection #it feels a lot like 'well of course the desirable protagonist could never romantically love the dark-skinned boy'#and maybe that's unfair of me but i can't deny that that's how i feel #shinichi clearly has a lot of love for heiji and this ova shows that he finds heiji attractive #like... i really don't think it's as implausible as it's made out to be

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boyswanna-be-her · 11 months

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Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

#i am not doing either of those things but i AM messy #the game is Class War btw #i felt like there were more items i was holding for the tags #prob just more conspicuous evidence that i am Liked and Cherished #if we ever get to the eventual reveal on this person idk what the reaction will be #theyre nothing like anyone i've ever dated physically #chemistry wise it's ridiculous #personality wise it's a win #i think the physical container they come in is part of what threw me for so long #I'm... not complaining that is not a complaint lmao #my biggest fan is more conventionally attractive than me which isn't RARE for my relationships #just like not someone who was on my radar on a physical level #until they started touching me all the time and making me feel like the only person in the room #bfr

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navii-blaze · 2 months

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Am I just aroace or is it because the writing is trash

#very rare i have such a visceral reaction to reading romantic media. i usually am pretty indifferent to it but geez #this story i need to peer review made me close my laptop for a sec #went from -badly written- flirting to fade to black sex scene in 1 paragraph #also all the female characters are very thoroughly described by their physical attributes #and the male characters by being called 'attractive' and 'easy on the eyes'#first time ive seen the term 'last night's carnal carnival'#besides that the lack of paragraph breaks between dialogue is killing me #to be clear. i am someone who believes you should be able to have sex whenever regardless of how 'committed' you are to someone #so this is not a diss at that. just at bad pacing and writing skills lol

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cruelsister-moved2 · 1 year

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God your post about how people treat masculine women in media and irl hit the nail exactly on the head. I also keep seeing these people rejoice when a masc woman is forced to present femininely bc it's now "genderfluid rep" or whatever which makes me feel kinda sick ngl bc it's so clear that they think being a butch dyke is a shallow uncomplicated gender experience but being forced to be feminine is more moral/attractive/complex. Haruka Sailormoon is like one of my favorite fictional characters ever but the amount of tepidly queer sm fans who openly hate butches while championing heterosexuality and gender conformity under a thin veneer of progressive language make me want to lose my mind

YES to everything!!! the weird delight when a masc woman does something feminine is actually so uncomfortable and it's like... they've literally BEEN being gnc every day of their life but it's not enough for you until its watered down to just like a generic androgyny its so weird anddd i think combined with the belief that butch women are doing that as some kind of statement and denying them the understanding thats afforded to other women that like they sometimes just do the stuff they do because they enjoy it and it feels natural. thats actually my favourite thing about haruka (and i liked it about utena too which actually comes out n SAYS it when wakaba is like "but this IS what's normal for you", and that still went massively over ppls heads) like she is so casually masculine and like she's just like that. not only is butchdykery so much more complex than whatever tepid futch androgyny people would prefer, even if it wasn't its like literally just how people are helloooo like butch lesbians arent there to be controversial and make a statement ... you should not be responding to the denigration of the gendered boundaries someone has set for themselves like ever in any context anywayyy. but let alone in the group whose boundaries people are probably the most determined to deny (not that people don't do this with all gender nonconformity but theres nothing like the desperation with which people want an unapologetically masculine women to make just one concession to femininity). the whole 'compensating for short hair with big earrings and winged eyeliner' girlboss in menswear industrial complex is why butchness is uniquely predicated on not JUST the embrace of masculinity but also the exclusion of coercive femininity completely at the same time like it's really hand in hand and its to do with a wider social labyrinth of coercion that every woman navigates so you can't just brush it off with choice feminism type platitudes because ummm we live in a society

#ask #anon #butchfemme #also um i know haruka is like super unrealistic but its actually so interesting to see like #masc women for the gaze of. other women #so it is like exaggerated and unattainable in the way feminine women usually are for men's gaze etc etc #but at the same time it feels extremely refreshing because itslike #literally a portrayal boiling over with attraction between women #like. i find the depictions of MEN in stuff like shoujo and fanfcition interest where its like #a fake man made up by women for other women #because it doesnt at all translate as just a mirror flipped version of The Male Gaze #but taking it another level and having a masc woman thats designed to feel attractive to other women is like #yes there are kind of stereotypes and issues but also something about that feels insanely liberating dhfgdfg #anyway idt i would trust anyone that describes themselves as a sailor moon fan because if you can watch interactions between usagi &mamoru #without physically cringing you have something wrong with you

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