#idk i have a lot of thoughts but i dont think these are making sense

[notedchampagne]

Honestly i also think that a lot of the romanticization of Ianthe vs infantilization/fear mongering of harrowhark is also that like... We don't really get to see Ianthe suffer the nastier parts of shit mental health. Like, we know she cries to sleep, for like a line or two, but we're not pressed against her intimacies and the inside of her head (hehehe pun intended) like we are with harrow.

It's easy to infantilize Harrowhark because we get to see her struggling, we get to see the thought processes that lead to her lashing out, we get to see her suffering through. Well, basically everything, more than we see her putting on the dignity, and even when we do, we generally get to see the lead up, or we are with someone who responds in kind (thanks gideon).

With Ianthe we basically *only* get the facade, even when the Issues Are Blatant, and even if when she lashes out she does her utmost best to seem in control, much like harrow. The other characters do Not Give A Shit, so neither do we, as readers, feel naturally inclined to it.

Plus like. I might be reaching, but sometimes i feel like tlt fandom needs a character to be "pathetic", or to suffer, in order to... Idk how to word this bc englishs not my first language, but essentially pay penance? In the fandom I see a lot of people who feel Uncomfortable recalling their fave did bad shit, and like, needing to either justify it for themselves or others by going "oh look how she suffers", essentially infantilizing their characters so they don't have to acknowledge the worst edges, which is a choice, I guess. They not only do this with Harrowhark, but also with Gideon, Pyrrha, Mercymorn, etc.

They also do the opposite, by rejecting the possibility of suffering for characters they consider evil, most notably with John. It's not possible for them to be over their heads, or for them to have made a mistake. Either they were deliberately planning it, or they deserved it somehow, or their actions *later* meant they retroactively deserved it, and may be pointed as the cause for it happening.

Which is... Uncomfortable, to say the least, even if I'm only latine.

anyways. TDLR: People should just say they look really fucking cool dripping with blood and determined. At this point ill even take an I support women's wrongs/woman's right to murder or whatever

Sorry for going in a tangent on your askbox or of this doesnt make sense its like nearly two am and i cant sleep

this is very real and leans into what ive observed in fandom as well! tlt is a house party full of morally gray characters but i feel like when we are panicked to discuss someone being "evil" or otherwise the two closest avenues are infantilization/reduction (i can fix him, theyre pathetic they cant do anything right im protecting them) or full villainy (i like them Because theyre evil, irredeemable, they deserved it so i dont care)

hope you sleep soon

#talking back

[cmonangel]

okay so i finally read a ballad of songbirds and snakes which led to me rereading the hunger games trilogy over the past week (SO GOOD i could make a whole other post) but then i thought it would be a good idea to watch the movies but then literally started sobbing from the beginning and started again every time single time they showed rue before the games even started or anything

#as a standalone book abosas is like ok but i actually thought it was fascinating like just how the games developed #like seeing how the media and sponsors started and then rereading the original books its SO interesting #im really tired but the relationship between the districts and capitol and tributes and audience and everything... suzanne is a genius #also i briefly went into the tags on here and my one thing is why are people not talking about tigris more?? #she could have a whole other book #i wish i could talk to suzanne collins and ask her why she chose tigris of all people to become a stylist and then what happened #did she think she could help the tributes like her cousin and then they had a disagreement of some kind? #no one is doing it like her #and im just blown away like rereading the books bc yeah theyre incredibly violent and there's the stuff with that peacekeeper #and then finnick in the capitol which is real and painful but it's so different from popular ya currently #idk what middle schoolers are reading these days but im just thinking about how acotar is marketed as ya #i just appreciated how katniss loves people and you can tell by her/their actions words etc instead of everything being some crazy #physical attraction all the time #which makes sense with katniss's circumstances and everything and she even says like she doesn't want to get married etc #because of the world they live in and thg isn't a romance obviously while the popular newer books im thinking of are marketed as romance so #maybe im just mad bc i gave in and read fourth wing and it was so garbage #idk i have a lot of thoughts but i dont think these are making sense

[enbykelpie]

keep seeing that classic "god doesnt make mistakes" argument being used against trans folks and. ignoring the fact that not everyone follows the same god(s), ignoring the fact thst not everyone follows ANY god...

what if god just. made us to be trans?

there are people who say that they were put in the wrong body by mistake, yea, and those feelings are valid! im not here to police how people feel about their own gender, sex, and personal journeys. but for me, personally... if there is a god who designs us all with our bodies, minds, personalities, essences in mind, then.. i wasnt made this way by mistake, and that includes me being trans.

why would an omniscient being that is the beginning and end of everything, make a mistake? why would we assume someone who doesn't fit our own ideals is claiming that God, or whoever, is in the wrong? Why are we, as humans, so arrogant as to believe that it wasn't humans, instead, that made the mistake, in creating the labels and assigning attributes that are barely surface level?

if a God made me, then i was made to be trans. He made me navigate the world as a little girl, so that I could grow up to be a better man. If he didn't want me to transition, or to have the words to explain my gender, he wouldn't have given us the ability to do so. he wouldnt have given humans the knowledge necessary to question it, to perform surgeries and create hormones and have words to describe our lived experiences.

#religion is a weird place for me #i was raise christian tho so im speaking here from that pov #i dont know if any of this makes sense i dont feel well and i think im getting sick #but also have lots of thoughts in my head rn #religion tw #idk what to tag but you can lemme know of i need to add snother tag #also - transitioning isnt limited to hormones and surgery. being trans isnt limited to the desire to transition

[orowyrm]

good evening sigmoira enjoyers. i come bearing jokes based on a silly conversation i had with my friends a little while back that has been living rentfree in my head for a week

#myart #overwatch #moira #sombra #sigma #im honestly really happy with that first pic especially. i love drawing moira is it that obvious #anyway i think it would be really really funny if the entire rest of talon had some semblance of a clue as to whats up with them #EXCEPT sombra #like it just tickles me idk what else to say. nobody tell her she'll figure it out eventually let her get there on her own #sigmoira #siebren de kuiper #moira o'deorain #olivia colomar #i have a lot of thoughts on the like. just general interactions among these three both in a funny jokey way but also in a #character analysis way #and i dont know if ill ever get them coherent enough to post in a way that makes sense #just know im rotating them all in my head a lot ok?

[pensbridgertons]

SWANFIRE APPRECIATION WEEK 2023

day 2 ♡ season you associate with them → autumn

swanfire + red (taylor's version) (in/sp)

#sfweek2023 #swanfireedit #swanthiefedit #emmaswanedit #nealcassidyedit #ouatedit #onceuponatimeedit #swanthief #swanfire #emma swan #neal cassidy #ouat #once upon a time #** #otp: i love you; i probably always will #i dont really have a good explanation for it but they just feel like autumn to me idk #i think summer would make a lot of sense for them too but autumn is my first thought #and so i did them + red songs bc its very much a fall album and also a swanfire album <3 #and there are several more songs from the album that belong here it just would have been too many gifs 😂

[sleepygaymerdisease]

funniest thing in my art class was presenting my sculpture and hearing the critiques while internally thinking like "um youre misgendering this object here by using he/him... you see it's actually based off of a shadow that uses she/they pronouns" like god i felt so stupid i couldnt say anyhting

#like what was i supposed to do. explain my oc lore to my class? no thanks LOL. #i dont think sil would be like. Against he/him pronouns but i think that insisting she's a guy for not being particularly feminine would #piss them off. and anyway idk it just rlly made me think about shallow perceptions of gender and how that relates to the art scene. #if that makes any sense. like how stereotypically feminine does an abstracted featureless androgynous figure have to present itself #for the pronouns/gender to not be assumed like that? it says a lot that we bring these notions of gender and slap them onto artist's work s #swiftly without a second thought. i wouldnt expect ppl to know but at the same time like... huh! idk! didnt really think about the idea of #like. sculptures needing pronouns listed?? i guess?? does anyone get what im saying here 😭 i feel like i dont have the right words #in my head rn like does this make any sense?? whateverrr just some thoughts i guess #anis gaymer moments #oc tag #<- i guess. since this whole thing is about sil after all lol. um would anyone like to ask me questions about sil that would be awesome

[junotter]

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk #like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions #while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized #but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama #and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction #i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me #anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa #and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan #ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places #and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls #i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show #they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation #theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets #back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame #plus over done #it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan #but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions #also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island #from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference #and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading #and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references #cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on #i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand #i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix #god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china” #my brother in christ red is also important in japan #red is important in like many many asian cultures #i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches #like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan #but a lot of those comes from china in some way

[lameow-l]

so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play

wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?

like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this

#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo #like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!! #i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha #no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara #thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players #and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just.. #but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t #at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name?? #unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away #there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own #it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role #and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’ #or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth #maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name #same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him #i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly #like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus #traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler #like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname #2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char #tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name #genshin impact #furina #fontaine archon quest #scaramouche

[waywardsalt]

Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life.

What do you think of a phantom hourglass remake? Tbh I don’t know how they could remake it without basically remaking it from the ground-up. It would probably play more like windwaker, which I see as a both a good and bad thing. On the one hand, if it was more like windwaker a lot more people would probably play and it would be more popular since I know the touch controls were a turn off for most people for both Spirit Tracks and Phantom hourglass. But on the other hand, remaking it to be more like windwaker would make the game lose some of it’s previous identity. Like, Phantom hourglass was so unique because of the touch controls and the puzzles you can make and solve by having two screens and touch controls. And it was so nifty and handy to be able to write notes on your map. Idk, I still would like it to be remade in general even if it ends up a basically different game, but I wouldn’t change the story or the characters, especially Linebeck. The only other change I would make is the music. Phantom hourglass had rather weak themes, mainly because they re-used the same theme for the islands and the dungeons. The only songs that were really good were the few orginal tracks made for the game, so Linebeck’s theme, Oshus’s theme, both Bellum boss battle themes and the and that music that plays when you first follow the Ghost Ship. But what would you want out of a phantom hourglass remake?

Hey, I’m doing good, and I hope you are too!

I’ve thought a bit about a possible Phantom Hourglass remake, but not too much recently. I don’t really know if I’d want one, since you’d lose a lot of what really makes it special, and you can still play it through other means. I’m personally fond of the graphics and the music- yes, even the dungeon theme has grown on me- so I don’t really want a remake too badly, especially since I fear any additions/changes they might make with story or characters in a remake. The touch controls make it, and playing it on pc recreates that feeling decently well, but I don't think it'll be just the same if you had to control it with joysticks or anything.

Not to mention, there's so much emphasis on having the two screens, too, not just for map stuff, but almost every single boss had a mechanic related to the top screen! I have no fucking clue how you'd replicate that very well on something like the switch without just fucking with the mechanics altogether.

I would kill to hear some of Phantom Hourglasses tracks be orchestrated or otherwise rearranged in a higher quality. I wouldn't want any of the more notable themes altered in any way, no adding or removing of melodies and only very very small changes to the instrumentation, but I think it'd be neat to see what could be done with dungeon themes. I think a while back I had a fleeting desire to write some short tracks for each dungeon, with some ideas like mostly using instruments heard in Bellum's themes for the dungeons while each individual one gets a leading instrument unique to and reflective of the dungeon, while the Ghost Ship maybe gets a song that's a bit of a expanded version of the fog theme, while the Temple of the Ocean King could have slightly different themes the further in you got, starting with instruments more common to Oshus's theme or the great sea theme, while the further in you got the more instruments from Bellum's theme would be heard, plus some harpsichord thrown in for the hell of it.

Leave the original dungeon theme for stuff like the minor pyramids and some larger cave areas, idk. It's grown on me.

I think the only story rearranging I'd want is mayyyyybe unfridging Tetra? You could very easily shuffle some things around with her and just not damsel her for the whole game and honestly it'd still go off perfectly without a hitch. But you'd still have to deal with the World of the Ocean King being a whole other world, so either bring her and her crew in and have them as wandering ship npcs (the better idea) or just leave them out (not a good idea) but either way it's better than what they actually did. I just don't think I'd want it to switch to Tetra being a major reoccurring character tbh, the main character dynamics in PH are good as they are.

I think I like Phantom Hourglass too much as it is to really want a remake at all. I'd rather we get something like an anime adaptation. That's what I think about more. Give me animated Phantom Hourglass with some fun takes on the dungeons and fights and some fun slice of life stuff with the group between the islands what I want is a Phantom Hourglass anime

#asks #zeldanamikaze #salty talks #loz #legend of zelda #phantom hourglass #kinda just boils down to like. i kinda want it to remain untouched with nothing added or removed if that makes sense #different themes for the dungeons would be rlly cool. harpsichord for deeper ocean king temple floors bc its where you meet linebeck #also vague foreshadowing? as an aside how many other loz songs have harpsichord in it im very curious to know #also. i say i dont mind the dungeon theme while also not really minding my tinnitus so also take that in mind maybe. brain go brrrrrr #i think adding tetra in to the main crew of ph would kinda be a bit much and also maybe not add very much. fyi i have not played ww #but i feel like it'd almost be adding another ciela cuz shed support link and be more barbed and bold with a side of less morally upstandin #so i dont really think she'd being much new to the ph crew table and i wouldnt want her there in a remake cuz they might pull the #goddess blood card and i really really like how ph has fuck all to do with hyrule or any of that nonsense #sorry this took so long btw. i dont think much abt a ph remake so i dont have a lot of notes #additions? idk add more rooms to linebecks ship. let us poke around in a few areas. maybe potion storage. give link a room #let us poke around in linebeck's room when possible. put smth fun in there. pull a wilds era and give him a journal for us to check out #what they did with tetra kills me (but not too much since i dont rlly have thoughts on tetra) bc you could just remove her entirely #and the story would still work really well anyways. holy character fridging batman #idfk. give us a silly loz dating game. make linebeck an option. thats what i wanna see

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

#my art #gore #organs #its 2am so not a lot of this is going to be very coherent but this song makes me feel a lot of things about it all #like. its the Expectations #the expectation that im going to date men and the expectation that im going to date at all have always felt equally stifling #theres that feeling of not trying hard enough or not realizing it at first or trying to lean into what you're told you should feel #and having it not pay off time and time again and wishing you could just make it work #because everyone else around you has it just fine and you dont get why you're struggling with it so much #THERE ARE MORE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE TWO IS WHAT IM SAYING #like obviously figuring out aromanticism is especially weird because its a lack of something BUT THEYRE PRETTY SIMILAR #realizing I dont want to date anyone mirrors realizing I didn't like boys but like. idk man its worse sometimes? #I wouldn't trade it for the world it means a lot to me but its almost like people go out of their way not to understand it sometimes #at the end of the day I am the you in that song #it was a very very long road to being okay with never falling in love because that was something I wanted for a very very long time #at the end of the day I will never have to be someones wife and I think its better that way #but its also hard not to get jealous sometimes #like I know its irrational I know I get physically ill at just the thought of being asked out but like #sometimes ill see my friends with their girlfriends and ill feel like clawing my own chest out with want #but also if anyone asks me out I will have to dig myself into a pit and never come out. I think. #I want to be with women but I dont want to Be With Women if that makes sense #its another layer of difficulty that I dont think I'll ever be able to get past #I feel like at this point I should just be trying to conditioning myself out of any form of desire because its just not an option for me #which definitely isn't true and like chappell roan says. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. #but its also so tiring to have to sit here with the feeling and feel bad for having the feeling. #I dont know #I think if I felt a little more or a little less I’d be fine but I’m stuck in the middle #it feels very weird talking about this openly but also its very difficult to talk about with friends because most of them dont get it #anyways something something Josies monologue from bottoms #im going to bed

[acaesic]

if yapping in the tags were a job id be jeff bezos

#does that make any sense? #i feel like the words im saying come out extremely convoluted to anyone who isnt me #cause in my brain #i like will re-say sentences without thinking about the previous sentence and how they mesh together #OH YEAH and then i dont provide context for how i got to that thought #so ill say one thing and then the next thing will like sound out of left field almost i think #anyway i really wanna draw gerard way but i cant decide on an image and its so !?!? #AUGH. do i draw nurse gerard or ….. i forgot the word? accountant??? gerard? whatever #or one of the ones where theyre covered in blood which is a lot of them #OOH AND. i really fucking wanna draw 2ourdust pete and soul punk patrick when he had the red suit and the devil horns #BUT I CANT !!!! number one i cant find just the right image of pete to draw and THERES MAYBE 5 DEVIL PATRICK IMAGES #so i was thinking i could just improvise like how i did with my idiots of oz art? and just draw a sp patrick image but colour his suit red #and draw some cartoonish 2D devil horns on instead #idk. anyway #im hoping to draw today . it might happen #ALSO ALSO ALSO!!!! i got vip for my idkhow concert next week :) #HAGSHSNANGSHFNKSLSJHSBCJDNSNSGSBFNJZBXNXKSLFKFBHSGSHFHGAGSHENSHSHSUGSHSBCHZHDKDLSHGDNAGSGSBFNKZHXNDJAGSHDJALSLJFHDNSJFKZBSHGAHSJFKFNDMXMCKF #IM SO FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT THAT #AUGH!!!!!! i also really wanted to draw dallon but if im being honest. im getting so sick of his face #i run a daily dallon blog i have like 8000 images of him ive drawn him 15 dozen times im TIRED!!!!!!! #so yeah. what was this post about again? #chase said something alright

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

my mom doesn’t think im autistic and then i write shit like, “yeah i look for patterns in my life but for some reason socializing and people never fit? why cant i apply other knowledge to being a person with other people”

#and ik its not social anxiety bc this is *systematic* #im socially anxious because i genuinely do not know if what i say and do will be well received #idk How i ignored the judgement when i was a kid or remember really if there was any #i mean. like i know of some… and those things have been pretty much edited out of my personality #im slowly getting some of that back i think #unless this is a totally average thought and experience? #like. oh i realized that actually making small mistakes when playing music is not the end of the world #so then why does it feel a hell of a lot like social setting vibes can change at the drop of a pin #maybe it is just anxiety! maybe i am truly just scared of judgement #im definitely a perfectionist so it would make some amount of sense #but then like theres still the real true factual experiences ive had when i *knew* being myself would have been completely rejected #in spaces that are not predominantly queer/nuerodivergant #so i dont know if ive just grown accustom to like. infodumping and stimming as being super normal and almost expected #and that the ‘real world’ isnt like that #in which case i suppose it would be a learned thing #so who tf am i then #brb gonna have an existential crisis real quick #rambles #winter stfu

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i think the villa diodati speech probably had a big effect on how yaz approached the doctor in flux and after

#not necessarily that it /changed/ how she approached her but like. 13 revealed a Lot abt how she thought abt the dynamic #like the fam were already like......lower down the ranking right? they already let her take the lead they already followed her orders #they werent TRYING to be like on her level like clara they understood very well how the dynamic worked #it was just the doctor that was holding onto the pretense #and i think they knew that but they probably didnt know Why exactly #but villa diodati revealed like a lot of sort of ingrained beliefs #suddenly it makes a lot of sense why shes keeping this hierarchy even if they dont know the details theyre all intuitive enough to get it #and that recontextualises the pretense too. it recontextualises the pretense in that like #okay so what she Says and what she Does keep not matching up. and what she Does is now-evidently trauma informed #so what she Says must be - well not Must be but with the rest of the context they have - what she would Like to be true #it's not they all know it's not but she really wants that to be true #i think that really informed how yaz approached the doctor afterward and maybe paradoxically helped them become way more of a team in flux #the doctor is still in charge but if yaz approaches her with the understanding that she needs to be in charge #then that creates the safety needed for the doctor to let yaz in a little bit #and i think thats also why yaz didnt push in sea devils - i mean lots of reasons obvs but #'i want to but i cant' is like. yaz has Seen that. yaz has seen what that looks like she understands what that means. very lived in #she has lived in the doctor's 'i want to but i cant' #idk am i making sense #i think that speech was a revelation and actually kinda helpful. after she got over the shock and hurt of it

[monsterbisexual]

its so weird how id been seeing the same therapist for like yrs so ofc ive talked abt intrusive thoughts n my whole deal etc n then i talk to 2 different mental health professionals (different therapist while mine is taking time off + psychiatrist for trying meds again) n both of them are instantly like oh well yea buddy thats ur ocd!!

#p #like alejdk idk my original one had never called it that but it does make sense #i think cuz i dont have lots of (external especially) compulsions that i notice it was hard to wrap my mind aroind it #like my dad n brother have it im sure n its like more what i expect thinking of ocd than like. me n my stuff #i know ppl have different opinions on getting stuff diagnosed or not (idk if they wrote it down all official or what but still) #but its helpful n comforting to me at least. if id never gotten the autism one officially id never be sure i have it #n its kinds nice to especially for ocd be able to look at it as a different thing from myself n how i feel n think #the therapist ive been seeing (might keep seeing tbh ive rly liked her) has said its important to put a space/distance #between me n The Thoughts. which is meant to make it feel less like how i usually do if smth gross/awful comes up #like that im evil n will hurt ppl/secretly want to etc #but thinking of it as this almost separate entity is meant to help w that #like ya theyre in my brain n they suck n cause me distress n theyre not My thoughts in the sense that im intentionally havinh #them or want them #lost track of what this post was but w/e idc aldjdk

[lesbianbishounen]

there are some pieces of media that i love a lot for a variety of reasons but most of the content on social media about it is ship related. and a lot of the time i like said ships as well but theyre not the reason something impacted me at all i want other kinds of content. but if i have to read a single analysis post from an online stranger that i disagree with i might start blowing people up with my mind

#moral of the story is to only have serious conversations abt stuff u like with ur friends #ill be fr i was thinking about trigun typing this but i could name other things #like witch hat atelier. almost every single piece of wha art ive seen online is orufrey and i love them but like Damn #kingdom hearts too i feel like thats the fanbase that really made it clear to me that i do not like being engaged w fandoms at large #idk. the constant war between me being like 'damn it kinda sucks that some aspects of things i like arent typically discussed online' #vs that allowing me to live my life in peace and never be at risk of seeing someones wrong opinion #bcus i get so fucking tilted when i do. being really into dbz last year was rough for me i was so fucking mad all the time #trying to find character study fics (dont ask) and constantly being like 'he would not fucking say that.' #feel like this also doesnt really bother me for some stuff like orv. like yes joongdok is literally everywhere but #so much of that novel loops back into them that like. a lot of the fanart u see of them reflects themes of the novel itself. #does this make sense. like i still want more hsy art but it doesnt bother me that much that kdj and yjh are literally omnipresent #anyways i love tumblr i can blab as much as i want in the tags vs on twit i have to make longass threads #which makes it look like im posting for engagement or w/e. im not i just need my thoughts out of my head #chatots

[sadistcoyote]

ive rly been anti labels towards myself in the last few years but. butch definitely fits so well and doesnt feel like im having to label myself for others convenience of understanding my identity

#bark bark #feels right! #my labels are ultimately only for other people #i dont put much thought into it and simply exist #but i only use my labels to have a simple lay out of who i am for others #but butch is just like. yeah thats me and i dont feel wrong ahout it as a label #also only recently working through a lot of internalized lesbophobia #due to growing up thinking i was strictly a binary trans man #and not allowing myself to feel attraction to anyone who isnt masc/male #idk it feels a lot more freeing to just let myself love who i love and be who i am #even if it makes sense to absolutely no one #bc it aint for them!