#part of me will die inside

[xostrawberry-milkyox]

What's something that scares you?

Aging past my favorite fictional characters.

#part of me will die inside #the minute I become the same age/older than gintoki #anime #gintama #bnha #sakata gintoki #fictional crushes #one fear #ficition #fictional characters

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

#i have such complex feels abt them #bc they seem to genuinely enjoy eachother but goodsir is still part of the empire #like the come with us scene twists me up inside. bc its said with good intent but hes asking something so insane and she would like probably #die of disease and if not then it would still b super fucked. but shes so kind to him. shes so kind. she didnt deserve any of this #i think the script said they were like siblings in horror and i like that. but by not making them romanticly involved they made a #relationship thsts so much more Romantic and lovely. so i dunno. i feel weird abt them but theyre cute #harry goodsir #silna #lady silence #the terror #amc the terror #goodsir is subtlly leaking rainbows

[neverevan]

Fuck It Friday 🥛

I was tagged by @rainbow-nerdss @daffi-990 and @disasterbuckdiaz thank you mwuah 💛

Let me put the fuck into Fuck It Friday and share this snippet from the donation smut, which – though it still needs some heavy editing – I will try to post it this weekend (or the next, if time gets away from me).

“E-Eddie?”

“I’m here.” Eddie sounded stoic and restrained and Buck wondered if he was trying to hold back a laugh or a shout. “So you want me to talk you through your… donation?”

It was stupid. It was stupid. Oh, it was so so stupid.

“I uh yes. That’s e-exactly what— and I couldn’t call anyone else and I’m sorry, I know it’s too much and y-you don’t want to and I—”

“Woah Buck, relax. It’s okay.” Eddie cut his ramble off with the tone he usually reserved to placate panicking victims on more difficult calls.

Was Buck's complete distress that evident?

“It is?” He blinked slowly.

“Yeah it’s… yeah, I’ll do it.”

“T-thank you I— but Eddie?” Buck prompted quietly, waiting for an answer to make sure Eddie was really listening before he’d continue.

“Yeah?”

“No questions asked.” Buck said seriously, because he was pent up and suffering, but it was still not the time to tell Eddie about his not-so-much-a-crush-more-like-down-bad-head-over-heels-in-love kind of feelings, so it was better to keep this strictly on a technical level.

“No questions asked.” Eddie repeated back slowly and Buck released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Alright. So, how do you wanna do this?”

You can find a short continuation of this snippet here.

✨no pressure tagging: @forthewolves @eddiediaztho @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @ladydorian05 @steadfastsaturnsrings @eowon @heartshapedvows @nmcggg

#the emoji choice made me die a little on the inside 🥲 #the narrative parts are still seriously lacking but otherwise it's mostly written #but I'll be out tomorrow afternoon so idk how I'll have time to tinker with this #also I just love to put my boys into silly and unreal situations and then have them acknowledge how silly and unreal the situation is lmao #'tis the only way I can go through with most of the shit I make them do anyway #buddie #911 #wip #donation smut

[hella1975]

jorts neil isnt real and cant hurt you jorts neil isnt real and cant hurt you jorts neil isnt real and

#rori this is why he's the worst of all of them btw.... no... no other reasons..... nothing else nuh uh #i actually want to study nora's brain bc this woman outright refuses to describe things that are important #to the point it's a running joke in the fandom that the apperances of each of the foxes is mainly fanon #bc there was so little detail given that no one can actually confirm or deny physical hcs #yet nora is willing to spend two pages painstakingly telling me every step neil takes inside the stadium #and every part of his uniform change. like it's not even interesting or important why are we doing this #literally 'he took his shirt off. he put his socks on. he swapped casual shoes for exy shoes. he-' I DONT CARE #'Can you crash already?' NEIL DSKHDGKSH #OMG THE VIXENS ARE HERE HIII KATELYN!!!! has anyone checked on aaron yet. has he got a pulse #'Maybe he's afraid she'll die on him like the last woman he really loved' ANDREW JOSEPH MINYARD #ooooooooh i love reading the games i get so stressed out and for what. this makes me wish id done sports at school. a distressing thought #aftg #hella reads aftg

[kavaleyre]

Sometimes even augmented hands can shake— yet another side effect. A flaw he would get rid of. Although no one was there to see it, he wept, knowing this kind of hurt would never torment him again.

That was the last time Viktor cried.

#my art #arcane viktor #machine herald viktor #arcane #Viktor arcane fan art #arcane fan art #VIKTOR IS MAKING BAD DECISIONS AGAIN #every time I think about the glorious evolution I die inside a little #especially with how he’s portrayed in arcane… so empathetic and passionate about making the world a better place #the thought of him trying to remove those parts of himself on purpose #of him convincing himself that it’s better to be unfeeling #it makes my insides hurt #i love it so much #i think a lot about how he will try to remove his emotions #i am SO ready for season 2 to make me bawl my eyes out #but also I’m not ready for it at all #cw implied lobotomy #i guess???? #cw implied surgery #jayvik

[front-facing-pokemon]

#glalie #another very cold shivering ice-type. gen 3 seems to have had a lot of these‚ huh? #and this guy is *kinda* just a circle. but i guess they have holes in 'em. are those… holes? what is the layer on the outside made of #i guess i assumed steel because of their typing (4x weakness to fighting my belovèd) and that there was some sort of black mass inside that #and that's where the… bulk of the… meat? lives? i dunno why there would be pointless holes that aren't for their eyes‚ then #wait hold on. glalie is a pure ice-type. i'm actually gonna die its DEX entry says “it covers its body with a layer of ice harder than steel #” which i guess. is why i thought. it was part steel-type. I GOTTA STOP GETTING ALL THESE WRONG it's making me look like i don't know #shit about pokémon when i'm literally the pokémon blog. i gotta step up my fucking game. or at least edit this shit out and not let it get #into the final tags. mama mia

[marisatomay]

“I was a little bit in love with Tom Cruise in a strange way because it was just like...how are you so...he does this thing with his face, which obviously I can't do, but he moves bits of his face around and little parts of you die inside.”

—Mark Kermode on Top Gun: Maverick

#i think about that quote every time he moves bits of his face around and little parts of me die inside

[itspileofgoodthings]

so funny because my emotions are a strength of mine (also their strength in particular is a strength) but they’re also a huuuuge weakness and downside and pitfall as well, and not just because they make me suffer. they also just, like, get in the way of so many good things.

#they’re part of my eloquence/persuasive powers! #such as they are #and people respond to the passion! but I actually think they get in my way more often than not #and just make my points so much less valid and interesting #when I can look back at a thing from the vantage of emotional hindsight and talk about it quickly and simply and analytically #when I’m not actively WRESTLING with something I feel like I do my best work #but idk. maybe that’s just how it feels from the inside and isn’t actually so #nah it is so. at least with negative emotions. I am only off-putting and annoying and disagreeable when I’m speaking on a thing negatively #and even positively sometimes that first flush of emotion that’s carrying me along has to die before I can really speak honestly #like me speaking on Jonathan byers with SOOO much overflowing emotion and warmth and love #akksksjdjejejejejejjejeje #but there was stuff I was missing and wouldn’t look at!!! #it was all conviction and warmth but then I was wrong #TLDR: I think I’m most persuasive when the emotion has passed or at least is not immediately present and I’m speaking about things #more rationally #Because I like to think my rationality is still not cold! It’s very alive but it isn’t so weighed down by emotions #It’s why I need to restrain myself from speaking bitterly (at least publicly) when I’m mad about stuff #i just say all the ugliest and in many ways LEAST true things about whatever I’m talking about #even as I’m reaching for clarity #again. Teaching helps with this. #time mellows the first waves of emotion appropriately. still giving my takes life but not overpowering the vision (hopefully) #but then idk. sometimes I have a take and many very very smart people hate it so much #so it’s just like #shrug emoji #Maybe I AM wrong #I can’t be the judge of my own takes turns out. Not really #but I guess I’m learning to have them anyway #if it’s organic and hits me like a wave of revelation #it’s always those takes people hate the MOST though aksjsjejejeje #again except for my students. because they don’t know to hate them so they just follow where I lead (mostly)

[autism-swagger]

Local girltwink in her boydyke era

Closeups under cut

#butcher? more butch?? butchlier???? idfk man #RIP Jackie Taylor you would've made such a handsome butch 😔 #also I just realized that the little guy kinda looks like Nat. it's not. it's supposed to be me #but ​you can choose to interpret it as Nat lowkey swooning over Jax if you want to lol #this's part of my au wherein Jackie almost freezes but is brought inside by Nat n Travis #(a lot fewer people die than in canon. it's (relatively) happy) #(they don't hunt each other. a couple of the girls (gn) die from various causes. but not murder. this includes Coach Ben) #she loses several fingers and an ear to frostbite #and Shauna still cuts a chunk outta her arm lol #because let's be real that bitch is crazy (affectionate) #these are of ~19-20 year old Jackie #she moved outta Wiskayok the first chance she got #(to either California or New York. I'm undecided. some major city) #she holds a pretty major grudge against the rest of the survivors for uh. fairly obvious reasons #she's roommates with Nat and Travis (who's relationship is a lot healthier than canon because Javi didn't die) #but she hasn't spoken to any of the others since they were all rescued #it has JackieNat bestie-ism. and maybe more. who knows #(me. I know) #wow this's just turned into me rambling about my au #my art #Yellowjackets tag

[wulfhalls]

.

#i miss my dumbass idiot cat so much i feel like im dyingggggg licherally that is my little baby guy i want my little baby boy back wtf #i cant deal with this shit i genuinely wish i was dead so bad #im having a worse day with it than usual and my usual was this bitch on suicide watch fr #I feel like its really starting to hit me that hes gone. and it kills me what do u mean hes never coming back thats my angel my baby i need #him #all i do is weep wish for death weep weep some more death wish again sometimes im granted complete numbness for up to several hours #i love totally dead inside time its the only time i can look at pictures of him without being 3 seconds away from throwing up #then its back to weeping on the floor. if i cant boop his little tiny nosey in the next 5 minutes im ending it all im not kidding #not to be dramatic but i feel like a part of my soul died with him lol #anyway. i hope i die #also everyone ignore me no one say anything i just needed to type this out #bb baby #txt.me

[merryandrewsart]

When I die..🌸

Inspired by this post

#watercolor #my art #merryandrewsart #art #traditional painting #traditional art #jin sakai fan art #jin sakai #ghost of tsushima jin #ghost of tsushima #games #fan arts #watercolor art #(warning for talking about death) basically it was my brother who doesn't stop talking about when I die a tree will root inside me #which is a romantic thought if you ask me. nothing better than being an alive part of nature🌸 this and the post too! #I think of Jin as Tsushima's ghost and hhnn part of his soul belongs to Tsushima's soil

[hauntedfalcon]

speaking as an able bodied person who thinks frequently about accessibility and wheelchair strategy on behalf of a wheelchair using acquaintance for whom I provide transportation, I do think that able bodied people should not opt to represent mobility aids in works of media unless they’re prepared to commit to portraying accommodations with some degree of verisimilitude. without that commitment they’re undoing whatever good they might do through representation

#just a lot of bad wheelchair hygiene lately in things I enjoy #picking up the wheelchair with the person inside = NO and I don’t care what your str stat is #the whole party is able to get down this hole. we don’t know how but it’s fine :/// #btw the answer to this is NOT to be like Emily St. John Mandel and say that #with the collapse of society the world becomes unlivable for disabled people #when institutional accommodations are gone interpersonal accommodations must pick up the slack #the sterile distance between the disabled characters of Station Eleven and everyone around them that was supposedly forming a ~community~ #was the most hopeless and depressing part of the book for me #absolute clown shoes to write a book about how important culture is after the fall of civilization #but let everyone with a Condition™️ flat out die from lack of community. do better than her #ableism mention cw

[mizukiko-kun]

Productions of Hamlet where Hamlet downs Horatio’s poisoned wine himself, my beloved. Drinking the poison meant for your best friend to save their life must have felt so intimate…

#bonus points if horatio realises how decisive hamlet is being and just watches him do it with a very broken-hearted look on his face #i prefer that to the struggling and very visibly sobbing horatio. he’s more suited for silent tears. to me. #the rational stoic guy breaks down on the inside and you can see it #ALRIGHT ILL CONFESS that’s just my fav production of hamlet #it’s a musical and it’s in japanese so i don’t think the shakespeare girlies know about it but one day ill write up a post #and in that post ill be so obsessed with it. as i constantly am. #hamlet #also hamlet drinking the poisoned wine also means to me that he gets to kill himself even if he’s going to die from the poisoned blade first #and that makes him as many times killed as claudius. i haven’t thought deep enough about this part #on the other hand it also enables him to die for the purpose of saving someone instead of the purpose of avenging the already dead #(if someone’s trying to produce hamlet with the main message being it’s better to die to save someone than to die for revenge #this would be the chance) #(although why on earth would you want to undermine hamlet’s grief… don’t make his entire story pointless c’mon #if anyone has a better way to fit this point into the story than i do pls tell me) #the amount of times i think about the final scene of hamlet is just the amount of times normal teenage girls do the ending of r&j i guess #also look at this bitch describing what happens in hamlet like it's a real historical event

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

ugh had a conversation w someone and i thuink i upset them but also i was in the right

#me: ur neglecting ur pet snake and i think u should find a new home for him bc this is not good for him #them: i am so offended and i can’t do that bc i love him #me: if u loved him u would not neglect him tho #them: so if i take better care of him u will believe that i love him and leave me alone #me: if u need me to tell u to take care if ur pet’s basic needs to do it then i don’t think u really love them #them: i am so fucking offended and i am upset u can’t tell me how i feel #but also like this person was getting pissed bc another person we know takes care of their dogs like the bare minimum and we both were #upset by that but then?? they also don’t take care of their snake and now they’re upset bc i called them out on it? #they’re also upset bc of the “u don’t love ur pet” thing bc like. i can admit that i don’t like. feel love. a lot. like i like the cats #and i would be sad if i could never see them again but if i knew i could not take good care of them i would absolutely find them a new #home. like. idk if i can really feel love a lot? like i don’t love my family and i don’t know if i’ve ever loved my family and i don’t even #know if i’ve ever loved anyone. maybe except for goose i think i would die inside if something bad happened to him. but for the most part #i’ve only ever liked animals not loved them but i would still take care of them bc it’s my responsibility like they deserve care and even #if i’m bad at loving i would never want them to feel unloved and i just find it annoying that this person can claim to love but be content #with this kind of neglect. like i don’t need love to still be nice and take care of pets bc it makes me happy for them to be happy and #healthy so it’s weird to me that someone who claims they love so much (and they do this a lot) to not be bothered. like what is your #love doing for you? like i care but i don’t really love but they love and don’t really care and idk i think they should still care #i wonder if they’d let me take the snake. originally he actually was mine but we got him literally a week before smth happened that made #me fucked in the head so i gave him up because i knew i wasn’t fit to take care of him but i’ve been getting a lot better recently so #i think i’d be able to step back in atp #the real question is if they’d let me

[seventh-fantasy]

hlht ep 2 // 8: 故人之子

#god. literally dk how to articulate how this makes me emotional #left all alone in the world to take the treacherous paths their bloodline has cursed them to take #watching the only remaining connection they have to their parents die to secure them on those paths #the paths which they might ponder in the dead of the night about whether it was ever what they really wanted for their lives #or they were just an instinct of desperation to hold onto whatever that made them feel belonging to a family they should be part of #god they're basically each other.............bound together by history and blood even before they ever know #the way wang yu delivered this fucking scene.......the torrid undercurrents beneath a stone cold facade?? fuck me #the similar ways xdq and xcp (under such circumstances) keep their heads high before their subjects but are clearly tormented inside #鹤唳华亭 #royal nirvana #hlht #平定天下 #my posts

[sailforvalinor]

Just had a reverse “you think about your old writing through rose-colored glasses but when you go back to read it it’s kind of terrible” moment, I went back and read some of my pre-uni/pandemic writing fully expecting it to be terrible and was like “oh this is…pretty good actually?”

#there are certainly things I would fiddle with but not as horrific as I was anticipating. honestly I wrote so much faster back then #it was narnia fanfic btw #sadly probably never something I will ever go back to (even though my oc’s for it are very very beloved to me) as it was something me and #my ex-best friend were writing together and now she hasn’t talked to me for two years #it was also a bit sad to read because in some ways I’m not that girl who wrote that anymore. like I am and maybe in some ways I could get #her back but it’s been more than three years. that girl was dreamy and idealistic and was so happy to write something that might never be #published and now I still like to think I’m dreamy and idealistic but I’ve become so bitter and I don’t like it and writing is so much #harder (you think studying for a degree in it would help but it has the opposite effect) #and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about my writing irl anymore and I think part of the problem is that it’s all bottled up inside #and can go nowhere but the page (and that’s so much pressure!) #anyway ignore my tag rambling #maybe I’ll incorporate those narnia oc’s into something else because I really did pour so much into them #it seems a shame to let them die