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#or rather /how/ he was a bad dad
acesammy · 27 days
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I really want to watch Korra and enjoy it, but every time I start it, they give the quick backstory of republic city and i literally cannot get past it
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quietwingsinthesky · 2 months
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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softquietsteadylove · 2 months
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Would you continue the Addams Family au?
"Thena?" Gil whispered in his family's expansive home library. He didn't receive a reply, but he should have known he would lose her to his family collection.
He had shown her around the manor as soon as she and her father arrived. Their fathers went to talk business and he was entrusted with her. So, like normal, he had taken her hand and led her away from the business talk and to show her around their home.
The library was only the third stop on their tour, counting just looking out the windows of the grand hall, but she had laid her eyes on all the books they had and excitedly asked if they could explore it.
How could he say no to that?
She looked so cute and enthused and he rarely got to see that sparkle in her eye with both her parents breathing down her neck. He was happy to encourage her, even if it meant potentially never finding her again in the labyrinthine shelves.
"Thena," he whispered again, walking slowly in case she was crouched down behind a stack waiting to be re-shelved. "Are you still in here?"
"Gil?"
He poked his head around a corner and found several piles of books, all several tomes high but arranged very neatly in their respective stacks. He chuckled, "find some stuff you like."
Thena immediately turned contrite, and maybe a little flustered. She looked down at her piles from up on the ladder. "I-I'm sorry, perhaps I have let myself get carried away."
"Hey, don't let me stop you," Gil said gently as he came to the base of the ladder. He both held it steady and averted his eyes as she scurried down in her white dress. He chuckled down at the black and white floor tiles, "someone should read them--might as well be you."
Thena offered her thanks silently in her expression, which he was used to. But she looked down at the books she had pulled out for herself and even hugged the one she was holding to her chest. "I can't possibly take them with me. Even if you say so, Father would be mortified at the idea of me taking such liberties."
Gil made a face, rolling his eyes only while Thena wasn't looking at him. Her father was a real pain in the ass sometimes. "Hey."
"Hm," Thena blinked as he started picking up one of the stacks in his hands. "Gil?"
"Let's just make you a shelf of your own," he suggested, balancing the books in his hands as he walked somewhat blindly to where there were still a few empty shelves in the back corner. "Then you can save all the ones you want to read and borrow them a little at a time."
"Truly?" Thena inquired behind him. He heard a few covers thunking around and finally turned. Much to his relief, Thena had about a half a stack in her more delicate hands, hurrying to follow him.
"Yeah," he laughed at how baffled she was that he would let her borrow some books that were just collecting dust. "I don't spend much time in here, really. These shelves are actually mine. Ma thought it would encourage me or whatever."
Gil set the stack down on the floor first rather than try to angle and cram them all onto the shelf at once. For the most part, he wouldn't really care if they fell or got damaged, but if Thena wanted to take them home with her then he could at least treat them with a little respect.
"Thank you," she said quietly, keeping her eyes forward as she also shelved the books she had brought with her, even shuffling them around the ones he put up to alphabetize them in real time.
He smiled as the backs of their hands brushed, although Thena was quick to retreat from it. "Any time, Thena. You're welcome to anything and everything here."
"That is a generous," she laughed faintly, "and dare I say unrealistic invitation."
"Maybe," he sighed. As much as his wildest dreams could be of him gallantly suggesting they run away together from both their families' strict rules, it simply wasn't an option. "But so long as you're with me, I mean it."
"That's sweet."
With no more books in hand to shelf, Gil looked over at her. She clasped her hands in front of her again. It was natural for her to totally clam up, he was coming to learn the more time he spent with her. It was a shame, though--like a beautiful flower that could only bloom by itself.
Or something poetic like that.
"Father is excited to discuss their railway negotiations," she murmured, returning to the safer topic of their fathers' shared business interests. She returned to her piles, picking up a few more books for herself.
Gil sighed as he picked up another full stack. But he didn't expect her to suddenly be able to view her father in a new light after living directly under his thumb all her life. "Yeah, Pop is all giddy at the thought of your dad using it to ship his building stuff?"
"Indeed."
The two fell into silence again, only the sounds of the books on the shelves filling in the air between them. They hadn't struggled to speak much before now, but he was struggling to think of something just as much as she was.
He had tried flirting with her before. And while she hadn't gotten mad at him for it, he wasn't really sure if she wanted to go down that road again, either.
He looked over as Thena cleared her throat faintly. She was determinedly looking at each book spine as she arranged them. "Do you have a favourite?"
"Book?" he asked, and then immediately felt dumb with the weight of a particularly thick one right in his hand. He also looked at the shelf, feeling the back of his neck grow warm. "Uh, kind of. It's a little embarrassing, though."
"What could possibly be embarrassing about it?" Thena asked, her curiosity beating whatever tentativeness she had.
"Well," he sighed, knowing that as soon as she asked, she was going to get the honest answer anyway. He looked upward, feeling the back of his shirt and suit jacket against the heat in his skin. "I was a kid."
"My aunt wasn't really the type to play with me much, but whenever she visited, she would read me whatever story I wanted. I had adventure books about pirates and knights and stuff. But one that was her favourite was about this lonely woman."
"Oh?" Thena leaned closer.
"She lives outside of town, all alone, and everyone thinks she's a witch or some sad, old widow or something. But then one day, a man stumbles to her door. She opens it up and he's been travelling, but he's collapsed, on the verge of starving. So she takes him in and gives him a meal."
"When he asks why she helped him she says 'I don't know'. She keeps trying to get him to leave, but he's like, 'oh, my shoes are in ruin', so she fixes his shoes. Then he's like, 'oh, I have no food for the journey to the next town', so she bakes him biscuits to take with him. Then he's like, 'yknow, it's getting cold, sure could use a coat'. And she says, 'ugh, here's your stupid coat'."
Thena laughed along as he went through the summary of the old story.
"Then, finally, this guy is ready to get back on the road. He says goodbye to this woman he's been staying with for weeks now, and he asks if she wants to go with him. She says she can't. But he asks why not--she's just shown him that she can prepare everything she needs to make the trip. So what's holding her back?"
"And basically the woman realises that she's only staying there for the sake of it--because she's afraid to leave her home. But the man tells her just to come with him to the next town, just to see what it will be like. If she doesn't like it, then he'll walk her back to her home and be on his way."
Thena's expression shifted in real time as he continued. She toyed with the end of the tight blonde braid wound over her shoulder. "What a sad conclusion."
"Lucky it's not over, then," Gil grinned, causing her to laugh again. "She goes with him to the next town. It's a short trip, only a few days. And they see the sights, and she gets to experience nature and stuff, and blah-blah-blah-"
Thena nudged his arm affectionately, "don't skip the best parts! You told me in such great detail her making biscuits and sewing a coat!"
He laughed, enjoying fussing with her as if they were kids. "You've gotta read it for yourself!"
Her eyes changed as she stopped poking his arm and folded in on herself again. "Will you not tell me the ending, then?"
He could decline to, and just tell her to read the book for herself. But she also seemed like she really wanted to know. He put his hand on her shoulder as he moved away from the shelf that was now hers to one of his. "It has a happy ending, if you're worried about that."
"So you won't tell me," she half joked and half lamented. But she watched as he searched through the other books.
"Ah!" he pulled it from the shelf, careful with its delicate but well kept spine. He grasped it with both hands as he held it out for her, "it's a love story."
Thena accepted the book from him, letting their fingers brush together again. Her eyes looked down at the cover as her pale skin took on a little colour, "oh?"
"Yeah," he pulled away, returning to being sheepish about it. "It's kinda cheesy, I guess. But it really is a good book. And I think maybe you'll like it."
She pulled the book closer to herself, smiling at him shyly as her eyes darted between him and the pages. "Thank you, Gil."
Heat rose in his cheeks as well and he looked towards the entrance of the library, just to occupy his eyes. "Yeah, I mean no problem, keep it for as long as y-"
A foreign object, soft and warm, collided with his cheek as he was looking to the side. He looked forward again, just catching Thena leaning away and off of her toes and back onto the slight heel of her shoes.
He wasn't sure if his heart was pounding like a hummingbird's wings or if it had stopped completely. But he just stared at her.
She arranged her braid around the book she was holding more preciously than Theseus. But her smile was almost like a little bit of a smirk, and it suited her. "I shall let you know when I've learned of this ending you're keeping so secret."
Gil immediately thought of the story events, and his aunt's favourite section. He could remember the tears in her eyes as she would read the part of the man desperately confessing his love and learning that the woman wanted to see the world with him instead of going back to her little home all alone. He could remember her voice cracking when she read how the man asked the lonely woman to marry him.
But that would be crazy to think about in relation to a girl he had only met a few months ago, he told himself (very firmly).
He grinned, drawn to her as she bounded back to her other piles of books, still waiting to be shelved in their little home here in his family house. "Hey, I can't spoil it. You have to experience it for yourself."
"I think you're just a tease," she stated with a faint purse in her lips.
Maybe he was, but he just couldn't resist when it came to her.
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see-arcane · 6 months
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Mina's incredible (and underrated) detective prowess would be very useful I bet. Put her on the helm Integra, Van Helsing praised her brains as being above everyone's including himself for a reason.
I honestly can't guess what the chemistry between Integra and Mina would be. Integra doesn't really click with me as a classically heroic character, for all that she does focus on saving humanity from the undead via Alucard and her forces, being the Boss Lady etc etc. She's miles away from being as insidious as an Amanda Waller, but...
The hotel. The fucking hotel will never leave me.
Yes, the order went directly against 'soldiers of the enemy,' but those soldiers had been lied to about who and what they were charging into. Which was obvious even without being a fly on the wall to know their higher-ups had fed them some BS to march them into death and win their own power grab from Millennium. She didn't tell Alucard to 'make it quick' or even just to 'neutralize.' She told him to search and destroy. Folding to Alucard's egging and negging to seem like a Worthy War Commander in the grand scheme~ of the plot
She's not heartless, exactly, but she is arctic and surprisingly quick to breeze past the loss of lives that aren't under her direct care/command. While she might respect Mina's abilities and investigative skills--I wouldn't be surprised if Mina could intuit Millennium's endgame well before the climax could happen--Integra inherited none of her ancestor's warm regard, supposing Abraham van Hel(l)sing had any of the original's tenderness in him (50/50 considering this takes place in aggro horror territory). We can't even say if this universe's Mina played any big role in cornering Dracula; she might just have been a targeted damsel.
All that said, I think Integra would see Mina as another time-displaced bleeding heart with a few useful skills, same as Jonathan. Someone to be an ally at best, a liability at worst. So I don't see her handing over any reins or offering to be co-girlbosses any time soon :c
#Integra is a good character#but not my favorite#Hirano let her look cool a lot and stand imposingly and smoke cigars#she got to shoot a few bad guys including the Major himself!#but the lion's share of development and interesting actions were all Alucard's and occasionally Seras'#I think the story kind of fumbled a lot of her potential to be more than Boss Lady who has cooler/more powerful people do stuff AROUND her#rather than let her really do anything herself without somebody else being the driving muscle/energy#Mina by contrast is ACTIVE#even working within the constraints of being a young woman in the Victorian era#she is hauling ass and making connections and paving the road to victory against Dracula himself#all while having a massively open heart that takes in so many people#like the rest of the original Drac Attack Pack it isn't just the loss of Lucy that drives them#she and Jonathan and Van Helsing and the Suitors all lock down on Thwarting Dracula#because if they just sit back and do nothing then He Wins and Humanity Loses--they became the OG Vampire Hunter Gang out of necessity#and goodwill#whereas Integra kind of just inherits Hellsing and its mission with the same vibe as someone inheriting Dad's job#maybe if we'd gotten scenes where it shows how she's handling the toll of running things; the sacrifices made in blood and its effects#I'd see more chemistry in potentia between her and someone as dynamic as Mina#but as it stands#I think Mina would just be another new accessory#anyway#integra hellsing#mina harker#dracula#hellsing
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toaarcan · 1 month
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Sad Headcanon Time!
Sonic doesn't like being around Gemerl.
It's nothing Gemerl did, really. Sonic's remarkably good at forgiving people that tried to kill him. Their eight or so fights over the course of the First Shattered World Crisis aren't really anything to hold grudges over.
But that's his kid. Except not. He found that robot on a beach and raised them himself. And then they died in his arms, asking him whether they should be glad that they were born. Whether their life was something to regret.
On some level, he knows that Gemerl doesn't have anything in them that's Emerl. Emerl's body crumbled to ash in his hands, and Eggman built copies of the design before. Gemerl is obviously just a refined version of the E-121 designs. But they're still painted in Eggman's colour scheme, they still have Eggman's mockery of Emerl's name. He visits Cream and sees this shadow of what he once loved, more robotic than Emerl ever was. It doesn't bother Cream. Why does it bother him so much?
(He still has the Emerald that was all that remained of Emerl. If he convinced Tails to install it in Gemerl's chassis, would it bring Emerl back? Is that even a good idea?)
So he stays away whenever he can.
Sage asks him to look after her 'father' when she goes. The angry, vicious, vindictive part of him, the part that only ever came out he was Darkspine Sonic, wants to spit back that Eggman offered only further torment when he killed Sonic's kid, why does he deserve anything besides scorn? He stomps it down. It won't help anyone if he lets it out.
(Sage comes back, of course. Like she never left, Eggman pushes a few buttons and he gets her back. Of course he gets the get-out clause. Gaias forbid Eggman experience consequences.)
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minteaspoon · 1 year
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The Bastards of Waters
a/n: this is inspired by a fic called watch the world burn by mylordstrong on ao3:)
Summary: Lucerys is bastardized by a king Aemond Targaryen to become Lucerys Waters, who births him bastard sons. Those sons are forced to journey to the Red Keep, away from their beloved mother and homely manse after the King demands them brought to him, as his Stag Queen has only ever birthed him girls in their 15 years of marriage. Luke, humiliated and angry, warns and prepares his children of the dangers they’ll be facing once they step foot within their hateful father’s castle.
a/n 2: uh, luke’s in his “alicent era with a hint of rhaenyra losing her mind era” is all I’m saying for this :)
•._•._•._•._•
•._•._•._•._•
“Keep your brothers in line, Daemon, never let them out of your sight, never let them be alone with anyone in the Keep,” Luke whispers to his eldest, as he clutches the teen’s face harshly. It was the first time Daemon had ever felt pain in his mother’s hold - it was always soft, warm and maternal. He couldn’t blame his faultless mother, he was worried for his children going into unknown and hostile territory after all.
Daemon’s hands shot up to grip his loving mother’s fingers gently, prying them from his face to hold within his own, “I will ensure my brothers never know pain in the Keep, and I promise they’ll be safe and protected as long as I’m still around, mother.”
He can feel his kind mother’s hands shaking, as his eyes stared back into his soft mother’s dark milky hues.
“…All right, I’ll be holding you to that promise,” Luke rasps out, as he frees himself from his son’s tight grip. He cups Daemon’s cheeks, gently this time, with enough warmth he could see his son physically melt in his palms. “Bring you brothers here, I need you all here to tell you of what to expect in that viper’s den.”
“Yes, mother.”
._._._._._.
After getting his brothers into the manse’s main room, all sitting on the sofa, Luke rants and warns his sons of the Red Keep’s dangers.
“You mustn’t be alone nor trust anyone in the Keep, everyone there’s no better than the people in Flea Bottom. They lie, kill, cheat, steal and brag - they will cause you harm and death and suffering. Trusting a person in the Keep, and being vulnerable with any of them is a death sentence in that wretched place,” he starts, pacing back and forth while biting his nails red. “You mustn’t make any mistake, if you do, they will pounce on you for it, humiliate you for it - be as perfect as you can be, and watch and protect each other’s backs. The only ones you can trust in the Keep are yourselves and each other, never forget that.”
Luke can see the fear and hate erupting in the eyes of his children. “Good,” he thought, “that hatred and fear shall keep them alive and protected within the Cursed King’s grasp.”
He knows what he’s doing is wrong, that installing more hate and fear to fester within his own sons might lead to drastic consequences, but he couldn’t careless.
He birthed his sons alone, he taught his sons alone, he entertained his sons alone, he raised his sons alone. If anyone had any problems with how he raised them, full of nothing but spiteful, bitter and frightful contempt for nearly everyone in Westeros - then they should’ve never left him alone to raise his own children as he sees fit.
Luke was quite glad. While he had few friends and loyal followers, he still had allies he knew he could trust.
The many former gold cloaks loyal to his step-father, Daemon Targaryen, trained his sons and vowed to protect both Luke and them - and to join their rebellion when the time comes to fruition. Two of his mother’s handmaidens, who were there for all of her births - and her death - had vowed to ardently stay beside Luke for when the Greens fall, and he or one of his sons takes the throne.
The White Worm - Lady Mysaria - and the whores of Westeros, whom never achieved the peace and equality they were promised by the Black Queen as a result of her death from the traitorous Greens. Nettles, whom seeks revenge for the death of Daemon Targaryen, vows to see the dragon Vhagar and her rider fall in disgrace and dishonor.
Rhaena and Baela, whom quietly gathered allies within the Free Cities, and raised Morning in secrecy away from prying eyes and ears. And the Starks and Arryns, disgraced Houses for their loyalty to the true Queen, Rhaenyra Targaryen, had vowed to see and support Lucerys Waters, the last living son of the rightful heir, sit on the Iron Throne - even if their devotion and fealty were done in secret codes and whispers.
Luke sighs as he halts his rants. Cupping his hands together, he raises them to his face to cover his vicious expression from his beloved sons. Turning his eyes to them, he gently brings his children together, and grips the hands of his youngest, staring in the eyes of all his sons. He finally lets out a final warning in a pale and muted voice; “When the King’s stag wife births the son of the blood of the dragon that he wants, flee as fast and as far away as you can - He will not hesitate to kill all of you, and he will not hesitate to kill me, your mother, either. That man is our family’s ruin and cause of suffering. Do you understand, my loves?”
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 15 days
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.
#warning: rant about parent ahead#I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles#like exceedingly so#but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing#and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE#you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all#and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on#and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them#but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us#she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me#and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’#and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc#but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!!#which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day#but of course she won’t hear it#so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!!#i just shut the fuck up at all times now#but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him#’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc#THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS#i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it#It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno#and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room#it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself*#she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t#i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me#so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago#But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with#and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do#AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER
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icterid-rubus · 23 days
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😕
#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday#don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it#asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too#except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting#and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am#on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says#gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho!#I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay#really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever#really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated#I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go.#meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having#to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever#but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to#hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks#I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out#trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything#making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections#I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity#or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room.#I’m so tired.
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britneyshakespeare · 3 months
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The shy bachelor Godwin thought that Mary Robinson was not only intelligent and "Rational," but also incomparably beautiful. His daughter Mary Shelley recorded that "Among his acquaintances were several women, to whose society he was exceedingly partial, and who were all distinguished for personal attractions and talents. Among them may be mentioned the celebrated Mary Robinson, whom to the end of his life he considered as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but though he admired her so greatly, their acquaintance scarcely attained intimate friendship."
Perdita: The Literary, Theatrical, and Scandalous Life of Mary Robinson (2004) by Paula Byrne, page 322, contained in the beginning of Chapter 22: Radical
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instantarmageddon · 3 months
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Also I spent so long thinking I struggled with school bc I was lazy and just wasn't trying hard enough only to return to school as a fully grown adult and still have the exact same struggles!!! Both extremely vindicating and heartbreakingly disappointing anyway I kind of want to just drop out
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jigokuhana · 2 years
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lol some one piece fans actin’ like yasopp is the devil incarnate when it comes to op parents when we literally have ppl like big mom & kaido running around. 🤣
edit: and judge vinsmoke! cant forget that asshole.
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skinreflectsthesun · 1 year
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#Laughing at the fact that I’m going to be writing my dad a thoughtful little Father’s Day card#that is just filled with straight up lies.#what id rather say is this#thank you for making me aware of just how fucked up you are#thank you for spending the majority of my life convincing me my mom was the problem#thank you for never showing me what an actual loving and caring marriage looks like#thank you for making me feel like I have to always apologize but then telling me to stop apologizing#thank you for never coming to any of my soccer games but then pushing for the fact that you always had to work.#you actually didn’t you just didn’t care.#thank you for being a dick to my brother and making him feel like he had to go to extremes to be a man#thank you for calling me fat after I just had a baby.#thank you for causing conflict in my life during a sensitive time in my life where I’m trying to step into a role of motherhood#while also being a wife and daughter and trying to find myself again#thank you for always getting your feelings hurt but never wondering how you hurt mine.#thank you for never holding yourself accountable for your behavior and your actions#thank you for constantly guilting me by implying that you’ll die some day and I’ll feel bad#thank you for saying that I wouldn’t have any of the nice things in my life if it weren’t for my husband#my husband told me that’s just not true that I’m a good person who deserves good things regardless of if I’m with him or not.#thank you for cursing me by saying one day I’ll see how it feels to be you and how my son will treat me just like I treat you#he won’t.#because I’ll do better by him than you ever did for me.#anyways#happy Father’s Day#plz disregard this#I’m feeling things and need a space to put them
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atlafan · 1 year
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I’ve seen my dad almost every day since I’ve moved back closer to home and I have to see him tomorrow for Father’s Day, and I don’t think any of my other siblings are coming to visit because my oldest sister is probably working/just wouldn’t come in general, my brother is probably doing his own thing with his own unit, and I didn’t even ask my other sister what she’s doing because she just had her baby WHO I STILL HAVENT BEEN INVITED OVER TO MEET so basically I’m back where I was seven years ago being the only one forced to spend copious amounts of time with my father ALONE because I’m not in a relationship where I can use distance/doing things with my partners father for Father’s Day. And my dad always jokes about being father of the year, even though none of us have ever said he is or was, he just self proclaims it. And he’s so fucking conceited like he truly cannot understand why literally every single one of us moved out and got away from him the second we could. So basically, just as I knew, being back closer to this man is detrimental for my mental well being. I will be blowing my brains out tomorrow BYEEEEE
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syntheticspades · 8 months
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my church is queerphobic and pro-life, yet my dad still wonders why i hate going.
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yuridovewing · 1 year
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phone died so i couldn't post, but im gonna be like au speculating as i go through these and i want a good amount of them to be Somewhat rooted in canon? and man i gotta figure out whats just the erins being bad at establishing genuine connections between characters and a character genuinely being distant.
anyways is it just me or does bramblestar feel very distant from his children here
#he has a nice talk with alderpaw when he fails to catch anything on day 1 but he feels weirdly emotionless towards them?#i mean im a ''bramble is a bad dad to both litters'' truther but im wondering how much is like intentional#or me just looking too much into things#actually i wont take too many piss shots at the fandom here (too many)#but this person sucks so ill do it real quick. i actually think dr********r's au where brambles a bad dad to alder#is interesting in concept. like hes ashamed of his kid for not being a great hunter so he shoves him in the medicine den#and later into another clan#buuuuuut tbh i dont really like the way they went about it? like bramble berating alder in the den doesnt feel right#bramble is more the passive aggressive type i feel. at least in my au he is#sometimes more aggressive than passive but thats his main form of being towards his family#like. he doesnt physically abuse squilf. but he DOES berate and isolate her#and idk to his kids i guess him being verbally abusive would work for his character? but it doesnt feel right to me#i think if i had to go at that au itd be more like. bramble keeps negging his kid. getting at his skin#not talking to him in public even when alder calls out his name. downplaying his achievements#''oh. you finally caught a mouse. ok. thats good progress i suppose. keep at it''#idk subtle stuff like that that eats at alder's insecurities over and over and over until he snaps#and THATS when bramble snaps at him. then he pins the blame on alder for snapping first#and then he goes on about how alder is embarassing him and needs to ''go do something else''#and alder chooses to be a medicine cat on his own but its bc hes been worn down and is ashamed of his skills#rather than him being shoved in the den bc ngl i really dislike the idea that being a doctor is ass#and you go be a doctor when youre a failure at everything#if i had to do it id have alder deciding be one bc he feels like hes horrible at what his dad does#and maybe actually i wouldnt keep him as a medicine cat. idk why i dont like him being one but i dont. maybe ill see why later#but he decides its not for him and goes back to being a warrior without his dad breathing down his neck.#wait i was talking abt the shadowclan au. or he goes to shadowclan instead yippee#avos liveread
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m4sc4r4 · 1 year
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I suppose it’s a very important “two things can be true” that individuals don’t exist nor are they obligated to fulfill your needs and desires and that it’s generally unfair to categorize others’ unmet needs as frivolous and demanding and harmful bc ultimately people aren’t self sufficient and shouldn’t be shamed for needing more
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