#or maybe not. a lot of my insecurity came from the fact that nobody ever explicitly asked me out etc. idk. whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreamescapeswriting · 2 years

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You & I ~ HHJ [Request]

⤜WORD COUNT: 1.3K

⤜PAIRING: Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

⤜GENRE: idol au, you’re an idol, reaction to a cute love music video, comforting hyunjin, jealous hyunjin,

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - July 2022

⤜MASTERLIST

A/N: This came out so short i’m sorry

The music was amazing, your vocals were incredible and yet Hyunjin couldn't bring himself to focus on anything besides the fact that you were doing cute scenes with another guy. Someone that wasn't Hyunjin. Someone that wasn't your boyfriend and who many people in your comment section seemed to be shipping you with. It was insufferable to see how many people wanted you to be with some random actor that was in your music video with you.

"My favourite part," Chan chuckled as he saw you on-screen on a swing set, stopping just in front of the male actor before kissing him softly. That was the part that hurt Hyunjin the most. The kisses that were shown on-screen which was quite uncommon for idols to do but your company seemed pretty okay with it. But Hyunjin's mind couldn't get away from the scene, the way you looked so happy and relaxed while the male lead kissed you.

The kisses that were supposed to only be made for Hyunjin and his lips and yet they weren't. They'd been completely shared with someone else, someone that wasn't your boyfriend. Hyunjin knew that this was your job, that this was what you were supposed to do for a living but he couldn't help but get jealous. He'd been streaming the Music video ever since it dropped and while you were amazing - as always - in it. He couldn't stop the feeling he got whenever he saw you getting to interact with the other actor on screen.

There were all of the cute scenes that there would usually be in music video and then there were of course some lovey scenes which he didn't want to imagine you filming. Especially when you were filming them with someone else, he couldn't help but feel jealous over it. Even a little insecure that you were getting to do all of this with someone that wasn't him.

The two of you had been seeing one another in secret for almost a year now, nobody but you, Hyunjin and Jeongin knew of the relationship. The only reason Jeongin even knew was that he'd accidentally walked in on you both one night, it had taken bribes to stop him from telling anybody else about it. Your contract clearly stated that you weren't allowed to date anybody within the first three years of you being an idol, but with Hyunjin everything had felt so right you didn't want to risk losing him because it was "the wrong time". The two of you were supposed to be together, there was no doubt in your mind but you didn't want to wait around for time to pass.

"Hyung," Jeongin trailed off when he noticed Hyunjin's eyes hadn't moved from the screen since the music video began to play again. Chan headed out of the dorms and Jeongin bit down on his lip, he'd seen the video and he knew what Hyunjin was going to be obsessing over.

"Hyung, maybe you should go and get some sleep. You haven't slept all night," It was true, Hyunjin was trying to do what a lot of his fans and yours did for you and that was streaming as much as possible so you could get nominated for awards. He wanted the very best for you and he was going to do everything within his power to do it.

"No, not yet. I'm not tired." Besides, you were supposed to be coming over soon and he needed to at least try and be happy about all of this, to try and face you as though none of this bothered him.

"She's worried about you Hyung, you haven't been texting her back," Ever since the video dropped you'd been trying to see what he thought of it all. You'd told him many times what scenes would be happening but you didn't know how he was going to react to it all. If he was going to hate you and it for the fact that you were kissing someone else in the video,

"My phone died." A blatant lie since he'd just been on it scrolling through Twitter to try and see any of the other reactions coming from people. Everyone on Twitter seemed to say the same as your comment section, they thought you looked good with the dude in the music video.

"Hey," Your voice called out as you stood behind the sofa, Hyunjin slowly glanced around to look at you and smiled brightly. It was the fakest smile you'd ever seen in your life and you let out a small sigh going to join him on the sofa. The fact that he hadn't noticed you coming into the dorms was a problem, this wasn't what you wanted when you told him your video would be coming out.

"Hyunjin.." You trailed off, your voice coming out soft as you rubbed his shoulder only he wouldn't look at you. He kept his eyes on the screen as he did his best to compliment you on everything you had done.

"It's a good video, you should be proud of yourself, I mean. Everyone seems to love it."

"Hyunjin." You said slowly, trying to get his attention away from it all.

"I'm serious, I keep seeing all of these comments about you and the guy and how they ship you together," He continued to ramble on rather quickly about how you and the guy looked good together. It was enough to break your heart, especially since you'd been wanting him to focus on the lyrics instead of what was happening on screen.

You moved slowly and gently cupping his chin between your finger and thumb, slowly turning his head so that he was looking you in the eyes. You could see exactly what was wrong with him when he stared back at you, he looked like he was in pain emotionally and you hated that. The last thing you ever wanted was to upset him, you thought he would understand the meaning behind the song and scenes but they had been a little different from the original dates they were based on.

"The song is about you and me." You told him softly, running your thumb along his bottom lip, he whimpered a little when he felt your skin on his.

"The story of how I met the right person at the wrong time and I'm having to hide everything about us behind closed doors," You explained and he bit down on his lips. Feeling bad that he had been upset over a small kiss scene that you'd done.

"I maybe...Got a little jealous," He mumbled while looking at the tv when a scene of you at a picnic happened,

"That was based on our picnic, the one we did in my apartment." You explained to him before going through every scene that had happened in the video. Each of them in some way related to things that you had done with Hyunjin in your past year of dating.

"It was all about us," You whispered, slowly locking your fingers with his as he blushed deeply, looking at you and whimpering a little.

"I got jealous for nothing?" You nodded,

"If it makes you feel any better, he's a really...really bad kisser and I hated him, he was so rude." You mumbled as Hyunjin chuckled a little,

"Rude to you? How could anyone be rude to you?" He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, relaxing more and more the longer you stayed by his side.

"Ugh, he was just so demanding of what was going on. Then he broke one of the plates we were supposed to be used to paint in the music video so we had to cut that scene," You rolled your eyes before going into more detail about what had happened while on the set for your music video and how you were never going to work with someone else again. Putting Hyunjin's mind at least, he smiled as he continued to watch the video with you wanting to know everything that happened on set.

tagline: @minholuvs @taestannie @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk @taeechwitaa @justbangtanthingz @stillwithlix @yubinism @ethereallino @aerastus @kimahnjung98 @halesandy @hanasonmi @snigdha-14

#skz #skz reader #skz imagine #skz imagines #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin imagine #hyunjin imagines #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin imagine #hwang hyunjin imagines

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chocolatespyro · 7 months

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Me learning to not give people the benefit of the doubt when they've been given the benefit of the doubt about 50 times already

(III 15 edition. Spoilers under the cut if you still haven't seen it somehow.)

EDIT: Took out the part about them not mentioning her disability since Bot does say that they wouldn't want Cabby to forget iirc, also about them not thinking kids would understand disability since I wasn't happy with those points and I feel they were inaccurate or somewhat off-topic. That's pretty much it though.

The more I think abt it the more I can see how the Bot apology sucks lmaoooo

Dunno if this was a point made on Twitter (I've heard there's been discontent there? I dont have Twitter tho but I'd LOVE to hear more from other Cabby fans abt what's going on there. u can leave comments on this post if u want or u can just rb and do it thru tags.)

Anyways, to my main points: Bot just says they're sorry for... forcing Cabby to get permission to use her files?

What about them lying to Cabby? I don't believe they ever really apologized for that. OR TOLD HER THAT THEY LIED??

Bot also doesn't really apologize for the other main points people were upset for I think?

I don't think bot ever really takes full accountability for judging Cabby either. No one does really. Like... at least an

"I'm sorry. I really screwed up, and so did a lot of the other contestants. We were too harsh and judgmental towards you for no reason, and our insecurities shouldn't have gotten in the way of you being able to remember. This was supposed to be a fun and welcoming environment and vacation... but it became a nightmare for you instead. I know this won't make up for all the damage done, but I hope this file is useful to you."

(maybe reworded some to fit Bot's personality better, but the apology shouldn't have just been this quick one-off moment taken to the side like in canon.)

To kinda add to the above, I also think it would've been nice if Bot fully noticed and acknowledged HOW other people haven't been treating Cabby very kindly too by giving examples of where nobody stood up for her. Lifering was a great supportive person in the episode, but Bot was there for some of the shit that was pulled against Cabby, ESPECIALLY in episode 7. I so wish that that was acknowledged here. And the fact that Test Tube went directly behind Cabby's back to do that. Where does Bot think Test Tube got those files from?

There's also the fact that Test Tube never approaches to apologize for judging Cabby for no reason. Like she just stares at Cabby and Bot hugging for a few seconds after Bot apologizes that's it. And she... doesn't accuse Cabby. That's the barest fucking minimum she could've done.

Also... the "inaccurate depictions" thing wasn't even true outside of Baseball's file... and that was a bunch of contrived bs. Like Suitcase literally had this whole thing where she stood up to Nickel and I guess... Cabby glossed over that somehow??? I can't suspend my disbelief this much sorry all. Idk where the "Manipulated by Balloon" shit came from. Correct me if I'm wrong bcus I haven't seen season 2.

The only reason why it was inaccurate with Bot is because Cabby thought Bot was Bow, something Cabby IMMEDIATELY corrected herself on. Bot coulda just... reminded Cabby that it wasn't her fault because she didn't know Bot and Bow were two different objects and told Cabby to just... start a new file like others said??? So that shit didn't make sense.

The apology just... kinda feels shallow. Cabby didn't do anything wrong here. She's beaten herself up over this shit. It just hurts to watch.

Bot only really apologized for a single thing and we don't get any acknowledgement towards the lying or the mistreatment or Cabby destroying Bow's file as some sort of garbage symbolism attempt.

Bot's apology was kinda supposed to tie everything together and top everything off nicely in a better and at least slightly more satisfying way than whatever the fuck 14 did, but it just... doesn't. It barely acknowledges the issues. They don't really show how seriously they screwed up with Cabby.

I wanna believe that AE has the best intentions here, but they're on very thin ice in my eyes. If they screw up any next steps with Cabby and/or never address Cabby's issues with Test Tube ever again, I think I'm done having any kind of faith in AE. Even Cabby winning wouldn't save it.

Yeah sorry this got really depressing, this situation is just sad

#ii neg #bot neg #test tube neg

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ashes-writing · 2 years

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wild one pt three | stranger things ; g.emerson

tag list || req rules + fandoms/characters ; reqs open! || got a req or a ? || masterlist

CHAPTERS ;

one + two can be found by clicking. stranger things masterlist can be found here.

AUTHORS NOTES;

This story it uh... kind of has me in a chokehold, idk. Anyway, this part came to me and I thought that it'd be interesting to write out (flirting / poolside vibes ftw) so here it is, I guess?

You guys make my day for even taking the time to read my bullshit/put up with it. You have no idea how much I enjoy the interaction and how much it keeps me going more than any of you realize. Huuuuge hugs and lots of love to everyone, no matter if you're just reading, or if you comment / reblog or reblog with tags or even just turn the heart red. It really means so much to me, I mean this.

SUMMARY;

-- cheerleaders and drummers don't mix... or do they?

aka reader is a cheerleader -and a bit of a bad girl sort, and catches the attention of a certain Corroded Coffin drummer. Hilarity + other stuff chaos, i mean chaos and maybe l-o-v-e ensues.

PAIRING;

Gareth Emerson x Fem!Reader ; reader is a cheerleader with female organs / born female. No other physical descriptors given aside from clothes and personality traits / interests.

WARNINGS;

jocks.. they are the warning. Andy -the jock, being creepy with the way he attempts to get readers attention. bloody nose/blood, swearing, vaguest hint of self esteem / body issues. A lil awkward kinda flirty / caring moment too.

TAGLIST;

@aurumbelis

@allelitesmut

@aries-arcade

@cole22ann

@hcloangcls

@heyaitsklaudia

@hoeshii

@icequeen1371

@krys-orion

@letsbedragonstogether

@louderfortheback

@musichealsscars

@scoobiessnacks

@secretsicanthideanymore

@suits-and-smirks

@untitledarea are the only people currently on my stranger things taglist. if you'd like to be added, please click the link at top of post.

OTHER STUFF;

Set in S4 but Upside Down + Vecna and the deaths do not occur, nor have they ever occurred. Starcourt still exists, nobody dies. This is slice of life / summer romance turned relationship type stuff, fyi. Gareth has been aged up to 18 for this, so everybody is of age.

The last place he wants to be is Hawkins pool, but here he is. If it weren’t for his little sisters, he’d avoid this place at all costs because it’s just one of quite a few places that he feels the most insecure about himself. He’d never say it, of course, but the fact remains.

Despite telling himself not to at least a thousand times, he’s scanning the area. You’re nowhere to be seen and he relaxes a little. If you’re not here, there’s no way he can make a bad situation worse, right?

But then he hears the squeak of the chain link gate over by the entrance and he hears the all-too familiar sound of your loud laughter. If he didn’t already know it by heart, his sister’s comment about the girl with pretty boots as she laughs and claps her hands together would’ve been enough to know you’re now present at the pool too.

You flop down into a lounge chair and throw your arm across your face dramatically.

“My legs, oh my god.” you whine out.

“Well, I mean.. You did try to maul Caroline Owens during practice, what’d you think would happen? You got laps.” Emma’s shaking her head as she starts to rub herself down with the suntan oil she’s brought along to tan. You hold up a middle finger wordlessly.

Emma notices Gareth in the kiddie end of the pool with his sisters again and nudges you. “Hey, it’s your drummer.”

“Em, he’s not my drummer. Stop. People don’t belong to other people.” you mumble the words with a wistful sigh, biting your lip as you watch him duck beneath the water and emerge, shaking his hair at his sisters, darting towards one and then the other, grabbing them both.

You tug off the oversized black t-shirt you’re wearing over your swimsuit and let it settle on the hot concrete.

There’s a neon pink float in the pool. “C’mon, Em.” you stand. She turns her nose up. “You can go right ahead. I came here to sit.”

“Fine. Sit up here and roast to death. I’m going up on the high dive. Then I’m gonna float in the water.”

“Are you sure about that? What happened to woe is me, if I’m within a foot of him I’ll make an ass of myself.”

“It’s too fucking hot to care today, alright? Besides.. If I’m floating,” you nod to the float, “there’s not much of a chance of that.”

And Emma could’ve pointed out several scenarios, but she keeps quiet. You slink over to the high dive and start to climb. Emma happens to gaze over at the shallow end just in time to see Gareth staring up at you as you go into a handstand.

“Okay, show off. Dive already.” Emma calls up to you, rolling her eyes when you go into a split before standing right side up again. You dive off the board, tucking your knees. Sending up a big enough splash of water that it soaks Emma who flips you off when you pull yourself up off the side of the pool to shake your wet hair at her and get her even wetter. “You looked like you needed a cool down.”

“I’m shoving your ass into that water.” Emma stands, a playful gleam in her eyes. You wink at her and lower yourself back down into the water, grabbing the forgotten neon pink float as you pull yourself onto it, sprawling lazily.

Gareth is trying not to stare, he really is, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop himself. The sun glints off of a necklace around your neck and he squints to get a closer look. Chuckling to himself when he sees that the pendant on the chain around your neck is a little knife.

His sister scrambles up onto his back and he dunks her in the water.

You’re floating all around the pool, having dozed off. Andy and Jason make their way in with Patrick in tow. Patrick makes a beeline for Emma and takes the lounge chair you’ve vacated.

But Andy’s sitting on the edge of the pool when you happen to float past, inching towards the deep end. The end you avoid whenever you’re in the pool because you’re not a very strong swimmer and you hate water over your head.

He reaches out and touches your leg and this is what has you scrambling to sit which dumps you off the cheap plastic float. And you shriek when your toes don’t touch.

Before he really stops to think about it, while Andy’s too busy making a show out of taking off his shirt and yelling at you to stay calm and stay put, Gareth swims out, grabbing you by the hips. You wind up pressed against him and he wades back over to the middle of the pool where your toes touch.

Your brain doesn’t compute that maybe it’s a good idea to let go of your death grip on Gareth’s neck or maybe untangle your legs from his waist until you’ve calmed down and you immediately do that. Swallowing down a lump in your throat as you hurry to climb the ladder and get out of the pool, wrapping that red towel with the white Playboy logo around yourself.

“I’m sorry, I..” Andy’s apologizing but there’s a gleam in his eyes that indicates he clearly doesn’t mean the apology. So you shrug it off and when Andy’s standing right beside the edge, you reach out and shove him in. A mocked apologetic smile playing at your lips as you call out, “So sorry! I didn’t mean to do that, I swear.”

“Bitch.” Andy swears to himself, but Gareth hears.

“You’re the asshole that just tried to drown her...” Gareth mutters, assuming it’s to himself and not counting on Andy hearing it.

Andy stands taller, trying to make him tower over Gareth but they’re almost the same height so he just looks like an ass when he tries it. Gareth stares him down, arms folded over his chest. “Do it again, asshole.” Andy steps up and chuckles quietly, “What are you gonna do, freak? Huh? C’mon, pussy.”

Gareth just smirks. “Try and see.” and there’s something about the deathly calm when he says it that has Andy doing a double take. Gareth lunges just a little and Andy steps back. “Don’t think you want your little sisters to see you get your ass beaten, Emerson.”

“You’re lucky they’re here right now.” Gareth responds. Andy shoves at him and smirks. “She’s gonna end up with me.”

“She hasn’t yet.” Gareth replies, shrugging. “She hates you. Kind of amusing you think so.”

Andy’s just about to grab Gareth but you happen to look up and over just in time to see what’s going on.

You grumble to yourself and pick up the foam football discarded by either Andy or Jason when they first got to the pool earlier and you don’t think, you just aim. Straight for Andy’s face. The purple foam ball spirals off your hands easily, and you smirk the instant it makes contact with Andy’s nose. Your only regret is that it’s not an actual football, so it doesn’t pack the sting you’d have liked.

“Fuck off, Andy. I’m not kidding. Leave ‘im alone.” you call out, a hand on your hip before you reach down and tug the oversized black shirt on. “Next time it’s not gonna be your nose, shitbird..” you say it to Andy with the sweetest smile, a hand in your hair before storming away.

Emma’s glaring back at Andy in disbelief as she catches up to you when you make your way over to the vending machine. “That stupid prick, what’d he think? He’d save you and you’d repay him with a roll in the backseat? And then he’s too busy with theatrics to actually follow through?Fucking caveman.”

You glance back to see Andy glaring daggers at Gareth across the pool and you nudge Emma who follows your gaze. “Look at the pathetic asshole. He literally just tried to drown me to get my attention like… how the hell did he think that would work anyway?” you roll your eyes and flip Andy off when he catches sight of you and is quick to back away like you didn’t just see him glaring a hole through Gareth Emerson’s turned back, you shake your head, “What he doesn’t realize is that I’d literally pick Gareth Emerson any day of the week before Andy ever even gets within an inch of me.” you’re ranting and Emma’s laughing, “I mean that. The only thing that stops me from going for it is the fact that literally if I even breathe near the man I somehow manage to fuck something up and annoy him worse.” you go quiet after saying it.

What you don’t realize is that this has just been overheard by Jeff, who happens to walk through the gate nearby, out of sight but within earshot.

Andy’s holding his t-shirt to his nose and Jeff’s trying to figure out what’s going on when he hears you admit to Emma what he kind of figured all along. And he’s tempted to tell Gareth, he’ll probably try to later, but he knows that nine out of ten, Gareth Emerson won’t believe him. So instead, he files it away. And he makes his way over, nodding to Andy who is fuming out loud to anybody who will listen about you being a bitch.

“What happened, Gare?” Jeff asks, glancing at Andy, who is holding his t-shirt to his bleeding nose.

“Andy tried to drown her, that’s what. He flipped her off that float in the water. In the deep end.” Gareth’s hand is clenched into a fist as he keeps a close eye on his little sisters who are still out in the kiddie end of the pool. “Then the fucking idiot was too busy making a show out of it to grab her. I did though.”

Jeff chuckles. “How’d his nose get busted then?”

Gareth is quick to tell him, “Wasn’t me, man. Not this time. My sisters are here.” and he nods in your direction. “She threw a football straight into it.”

Jeff snickers. “Yeah, I can’t say I blame her.”

You walk back, right past the chairs taken up by Jeff and Gareth and you flop down into the one just down from Gareth’s. Emma sits down beside you and dangles her legs in the pool water as she looks back at you. “You’re gonna burn.” she’s biting her lip, gazing at your already angry red skin in friendly concern.

“I’ll live.” you wave it off.

“You’re already red as your swimsuit, trouble.”

“Mhm.” you answer, eyes fluttering shut as you raise an arm and let it settle over your eyes.

You manage to doze off when Emma leaves with Patrick, only to be tapped gingerly on the shoulder and you wince at the jab. You raise your head and find yourself looking right up at Gareth through a curtain of dampened hair. “Sorry.. About earlier.” you mumble the words in this sleepy little voice that has him fighting to breathe and goes straight to his cock. He shrugs. “Wasn’t gonna let you drown.”

“Yeah, you’re a good person, unlike some assholes who think attempted murder is flirting, apparently.” your gaze flits to Andy as you say it and you catch him watching you both like a hawk. Jeff is out in the water with Gareth’s little sisters playing. You roll your eyes at Andy and grumble quietly, “If he keeps staring over here I’m going to choke him.”

Gareth clears his throat.

He’s about half talked himself out of the reason why he walked over to begin with and all he’s doing right now is staring. He can’t help it, he can’t stop himself because he’s tried and failed too many times to count.

“You’re really burnt.” he nods to your shoulders and you look at them and cringe. “Emma did try to warn me.”

“Do you, uh..” Gareth fumbles for his words, “Do you have sunblock?”

You can’t stop staring at his lips like an idiot. So he repeats the question and you feel yourself heat up all over as you reach down and pick up the bottle of sunblock, holding it out.

He freezes and you assume it’s so you’ll sit up, so you pull yourself to a sitting position, back facing him as you move damp hair away from your back. Blue eyes flit over the scattered freckles and moles against your skin and he takes a deep breath, rubbing his hand over his face to pull himself together. Then he squeezes the bottle and rubs his hands together.

You gasp when the liquid makes contact with your back because it’s cooler than you expected. You don’t mean to but the more Gareth’s hands work over your shoulders and down your back, the more you find yourself melting. It’s not long til you have to grip the handle on the lounge chair. He reaches around and holds the bottle out to you and you take it, forced to take a few seconds before you can turn around to face him.

You’re surprised he’s still sitting on the lounge chair near you.

Gareth is frozen in place. Brain telling him he should be getting up and walking away now, but he just can’t.

Jeff wanders up, clearing his throat and he almost feels bad about it when you both jump and spring apart, but he didn’t want Gareth to freak out when he looked over and figured out Jeff and his sisters weren’t in the pool anymore.

“I’m gonna take your sisters to get ice cream.”

Gareth stands. “Hang on.”

Jeff nods to you while you’re fumbling with the black Walkman in your hands and Gareth shakes his head firmly, standing. As soon as they’re both out of the gate, Jeff looks at him and shakes his head. “I was doing that for you, idiot.”

“Why though?” Gareth is gazing at him with a hand in his hair, tugging at drying curls. “All I was doing was keepin her from getting third degree burned.”

“Mhm. Right.” Jeff taunts him and Gareth grumbles, flipping him off.

“Y’know nothing’s ever gonna come of it, Jeff.” Gareth grumbles again and Jeff chuckles, remembering what he overheard you say out of your own mouth to your best friend Emma when he arrived at the pool earlier.

But he doesn’t say it because Gareth won’t ever believe him.

Guy has himself convinced that you two wouldn’t ever work out or that somehow, you’d never pick him on your own. And honestly, Jeff wants to choke some sense into his best friend for it.

But, he can look at Gareth and tell that it’s getting harder to stay away. So he thinks that maybe if he just steps back and lets things happen on their own, maybe it’ll be better that way.

“What?”

“Nothin, buddy. Do you want anything? I got paid earlier. You bought it last time, it’s my turn.” Jeff replies.

Gareth is distracted though, because you’re walking through the parking lot, heading over to your car with a Tootsie pop in your mouth.

The rumble of the engine fills the afternoon and the car takes off, screeching tires and Metallica playing loud enough to deafen a person and Jeff glances at Gareth, who is watching your car as it disappears into the street and then he laughs.

#gareth emerson #gareth emerson imagine #gareth the great #gareth emerson fanfiction #gareth emerson fanfic #gareth emerson x reader #gareth emerson x fem!reader #// do not worry. he will be getting his hands on Andy. a lil retribution for that bullshit that happened on the show tbh.

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delusionaid · 4 months

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❧ ✖ for the salt meme !

Salt Meme :D

❧ Have you ever been jealous of anyone?

Of course, I think that's human :) In terms of rp I am continuously jealous of people who manage to write regularly and quickly, because I unfortunately am a very slow writer and have dry patches where I can't write at all. I wish I had the time? muse? dedication? others have to write daily and don't keep their partners waiting so long.

I am also a little jealous of people who write the same muse for many years. I always found that really admirable and cool. I love having a multimuse but it's also a necessity because I somehow can't stay focused on just one muse for a long period of time. I also hop fandoms after a while. But sometimes I wish I was able to just really go in-depth with one muse for 5+ years. Kudos to anyone who can do that!

And then of course there's the jealousy of seeing a portrayal that just really kicks ass. It can create a bit of insecurity but I try to not get negative emotions about it and instead focus on the fact that I get to see or interact with a really good writer and enjoy their skill and ideas! :)

AND THEN THERE'S THE JEALOUSY OF SEEING PEOPLE WRITE SHIPS THAT I WANNA WRITE WHILE EVERYONE IS EXCLUSIVE WITH THEIR PARTNERS AND I CAN'T FIND SOMEONE TO WRITE IT WITH GOD DAMN IT 😂😂😂 But it's okay, we're okay.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

MASSIVELY. *grandma voice* Back in my day-- I said that yesterday, actually, we used to rp with 49 duplicates any scenario that came to our mind and had gigantic reaction gifs in each reply. Nobody had a proper theme, icons weren't a thing and nobody had rule pages. It was admittedly chaotic but overall felt like a free, fun space to be in with very little social politics.

Especially in recent years (2-3) it's become minefield of eggshells, to put it bluntly. Some things I approve of, such as the rule pages - I think those really help to filter out who is a good match as a writing partner before you follow them. Others I find saddening. The whole exclusivity/mains business for example leads to many people feeling shut out - and while I think everyone is absolutely free to be exclusive with friends and close interactions to others, there are fandoms that are so small that no new people dare make blogs (or do and go inactive immediately) because everyone else is essentially in a closed group. Or maybe they're not but they're intimidated by the "mains". Tied into that is also the unfortunate side effect that sometimes "popular" blogs create a clique vibe that can be very daunting to new rpers, particularly when these popular blogs decide to use their popularity to dictate how things should be run within a fandom.

I've also seen good writers be ignored or neglected because they didn't use fancy graphics or had no blog theme (this was before dash view was a thing!), which was upsetting. I feel like we're going away from that a little bit at the moment, but for a while it was really "aesthetics over writing", which is sad for a community of writers, in my opinion.

Ship wars have been a thing for a long time, but they are getting increasingly bad and I am getting increasingly more annoyed by it. Blacklist and keep scrolling. We all do it. No need to get all up in arms because someone likes a fictional ship you find stupid, just focus on the ships you do like.

I am sure there's lots more to say but these are the main things that come to mind :)

#( ooc asks. )#( meme reply. )#m. avaere #avaere #thank you!

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sleepyowlwrites · 1 year

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hullo there sleepyowl! if u would be so kind may i have some advice?

how do you get confident to share ur writing? for me im worried to share not until it's finished and perfect. however i want to share in google docs for anyone to read but its still drafting stage. what do you think? should i finish first? since things will change. but also i want to share it but i think its not good enough

Well, if you take me as an example,you should absolutely share something in a gd that is still in its drafting stage and unfinished. I'm very direct about it. "This is a draft zero, there is stuff in here that is already non-canon, and the characters aren't consistent yet. I do not have an updating schedule and would never commit to one. But you can read it if you want!"

That might not be for you. Maybe it is.

As to how I got so confident, well.

I WORKED FOR IT.

Truly. When I was a baby writer, I had so much confidence because I didn't know I was bad - talented, yes, but still unskilled - and so I would share things without fear. And then as I i progressed I passed through the dreaded stage of being-very-aware-of-the-good-but-also-the-bad and it psyched me out a bit. A lot a bit. But I love writing and I couldn't stay away forever so when I came back, I decided to just go for it.

Now, at this point, I had gone from being a massive introvert with a lot of insecurities to still an introvert but with a solid base of self-esteem, some life experiences that changed me forever, different priorities and goals, a set of skills and knowledge, and the ability to understand that putting myself out there was just what everybody did all the time, and I could do it to. What was the worst that could happen? Somebody doesn't like what I write? I don't like what everybody else writes, so it's only fair.

I approach my art the same way I approach myself: I'm a work in progress, but I have made tremendous amounts of progress and I'm interested to see where I'll go next. I don't have to feel embarrassed that I was once a child making childish mistakes, or feel guilty for enjoying certain things, or for not always finishing projects. I am being the person I want to be, and I'll be the writer I want to be. Being a person is also not optional, but writing is, so I get to be so much more relaxed about it.

It took me years to get here, but I've also been here for years now. You just have to start. Believe in yourself, believe in your writing. Love yourself, love your writing. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your writing. Develop your self-confidence over time, develop your writing confidence over time.

A lot of my current confidence comes from the fact that I know I'm a good writer. But I got here because I believed I could be one and then worked for it. It's homegrown confidence, and nobody can take it away from me because I earned it by myself, for myself.

And I'm a conflicting person. I have fantastic self-esteem but sometimes low self-confidence, and I find that comes from one main factor. I'm confident in myself because I know myself. I'm less confident around others because they often do not. That's the chance you have to take. Pull from the confidence you have from yourself when allowing others to view your work in progress (either you or your art).

And, like anything in life, this requires practice. But you knew that. It just always does.

But like, anybody can practice this! You don't need special skills to start out with. You develop them along the way. You can be a good writer - and maybe you already are - if you just go for it.

It comes down to practice, and it comes down to love. Practice this thing because you love it.

One more small note: how can you determine if a thing is perfect? You can finish it, but how can you know that it's reached its perfect form? I'm not sure we can ever tell. In that case, share it while it might be "bad" or wait until it's some stage of polished, but either way, share it because you love it regardless of perceived quality. After all, you are allowed to love your art in every stage, in all its forms. And you should.

And people can tell. You can tell when a writer loves their work and it can transcend the perceived quality. Maybe it's a zero draft. But I am having so much fun writing it, and I want my friends to he in on the fun with me.

All that to say that: you should love your writing, and work at it, and share it because it brings you joy, and you will get better at writing, and better at sharing, because this is art and life, and you have to practice. It's really fun to practice, though.

Thanks for stopping by!

#sleepy answers #writer encouragement #writing advice

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midlifeadhdcrisis · 2 years

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Someone once asked me “If you get a diagnosis of ADHD what is the benefit?” An interesting and thought provoking question. I took my time to answer, rare for me. “Well… there would finally be an answer as to why I’m such a dick head”. Since I was a teenager nothing felt right. Or, everything felt so passionately right, I couldn’t ever be wrong.

I was reasonably intelligent, reasonably good looking, but rather than use these attributes, I was intent on fighting every possible system set out for me. I was trouble at school, trouble at home, and trouble within society. My whole life has been a somewhat circular construct of huge manic ego trips, followed by some form of dressing down - usually this manifests itself as a punch in the face, followed by a duvet cloak of depression.

This is the problem with diagnosing adhd, because your behaviours often manifest themselves as you being an egotistical dick head, society (as it should to be fair) often rights this, by levelling you to the norms of acceptance. There are so many more people that just crack on with life, rather than continuously procrastinate over it after all. But these structural norms of society, confine to be a strangling straight jacket for many with nuero diverse brain architecture. As such we are often misdiagnosed as manic depressives and waved away from our GPs with whatever SSRI is the flavour of the month. Now, we are not only depressed, but we’ve been given a thief to put in our mouths, to steal the one thing that makes us us - our brains.

So, despite the fact I know I’m not quite normal - In the zombiefied, insta scrolling, western spiritually bankrupt definition of the word - I’m more than happy having an extremely passionate sub conscious that constantly rails against the dying light. And that would all be very well if I lived in a secluded wood cabin, external of society, but unfortunately I do have to attempt to navigate my way through its pitfalls, simply because I don’t have the wherewithal to kill and cook my own food, and heat a log cabin without setting fire to myself.

For a good 20 years of my life I did a pretty good job of isolating myself from society. My experience of Secondary School was such, that I rarely turned up. Some teachers got a lot out of me, in lessons I was interested in, but most labelled me a trouble maker as I struggled to focus. I would rather attempt to entertain myself and the class through general jester japery. Because of this labelling and bullying for my milk bottle end national health spectacles - I attempted to climb the greasy pole of structural school coolness, only to realise when I was at the top, the cool kids were actually mostly twats, and they only liked me because I was always in fights. Once I’d kinda made a decision that seeing a fast fist flying at my face, followed by intense blackness, wasn’t really for me, the cool kids dropped me and I dropped school.

At home I would physically fight my Father for some level of control, my younger Sister bore a lot of the brunt of my feelings of inadequacy and torment from school. And we all grew up in a house which was a slave to my aggression and insecurities. Nobody really came out of this particularly well adjusted, at the time adhd didn’t exist, there was no parental support beyond the police picking me up, and spending a night in cells. I carry a lot of guilt for the affect living with me had on my 2 sisters, and I’m sure this affected their trust of the male gender in their relationships.

At some point I discovered Movies. I think it really intensified when the BBC did 100 Movies for the Centenary of Cinema https://letterboxd.com/desdemoor/list/the-bbc-100-centenary-of-cinema-1995/ apparently in 1995, when I would of been 22. From the time I left school until maybe 30 most of my days were spent watching one film after another. Just as most adolescents grow into adulthood through finding like minded peers, many through the the societal shift in College/University compared to school. My growth came through, I guess, intellectual stimulation of learning about heightened human character through cinema. And just cultivating my knowledge of a hobbie that felt all encompassing and gratifying.

This was also a time of the wonders of democratisation of information, thanks to the home computer and the internet. There was no longer any need for young men to nervously approach the top shelf of newsagents in order to find sexual gratification. So there it is, all knowledge of society can be formed not through interaction, but through the mercurial minds of Mr Kubrick, Bergman and Scorsese. And all knowledge of the great mysteries of our time - life, love, the longing of the human spirit, can be accomplished not through our bodies/soul but through our eyes - watching movies and surfing the internet for porn - what could possibly go wrong?

#undiagnosed adhd #adhd inattentive #adhd brain #adult adhd #living with adhd #adhd problems #adhd feels #movies #journal #journey #nuerodivergent #nuerodiversity #uk #english school #80s nostalgia #90s movies

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tsukikoayanosuke · 9 hours

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Happy 4th Anniversary for TW:OPT!

(Two weeks late, but better than never.)

Can't believe it has been 4 years, eh? Can't believe I'm almost one year without posting any TW:OPT related since the final episode. I don't even think I ever post a Behind the Fic for chapter 163. Sorry about that.

I honestly don't know what am I supposed to make for this year. Honestly my biggest goal is to finish all of my wip, including ideas for TW:OPT Gaiden, before moving on to Book 2.

But sometimes I even wonder whether I want to write Book 2 or not.

Don't get me wrong; I still like Twisted-Wonderland. I still love my fic. But the spark is not there anymore. And I don't know why.

I mean, I barely interact with main content of TWST nowadays. Am I overwhelmed? Maybe. Am I having a burnt out? Perhaps. Or maybe I'm just getting old. It just doesn't feel the same, but I cannot pinpoint why it is different.

There were times when I thought: "what's the point? nobody will read this anyway" and wanting to delete everything to start a new or just disappear quietly. It's not like anyone gonna miss me, right?

Which is strange. Back when I wrote TW:OPT for the first time, I don't really care about the reaction. I was writing it for funzies. I know I didn't fit the target audience with the male oc-centric, so I never expected it to pick up. I was just going to write it until I stop and abandon it like many times.

But then you guys came, dearest reader. I never expected much, so it doesn't took me by surprise. I never expected so many people to like this little story. Even now I still sometimes go back and read your comments. Those were the moments when I felt like finally I did something right.

Meet new friends who I'll always treasure them in my heart and I lost a friend, which kinda makes me afraid in commenting others' WIP, but that's another story. I feel like I learn more about writing when planning for TW:OPT that I've ever before in school. It was a good times to find something to do, especially during quarantine, might I dare to say TW:OPT was the that bring me through quarantine. It came at the right place, at the right time.

But there are times, many even, when I looked at the neighbor's grass and see that it is greener. I thought I could handle myself, but jealously will come sooner or later. Insecurities is not a nice thing. It will eat you up until it left you crumbling to your knees. And the biggest thing that annoy me is that the fact that I care. I admit I don't have the best understanding with my surrounding and can be apathetic, so I shouldn't have feel jealous or anything. I'm the type of girl who can admit defeat and knows when others can do better things than me, so why can't I accept this? I've written a lot of fic and I never expect any reaction. So why am I bothered with attention when writing TW:OPT?

There's a saying: "Above the sky there is another sky". I know that. I know there are many writers better than me. Heck, my friends are better writer than me. Do I want to be the only writer? Absolutely not! If someone as pathetic like me can find joy in writing, I'm sure many will as well! I wasn't intended to gatekeep. So why am I feeling jealous like this?

If I have to explain this the best I can, it will be maybe like this: Writing is the only thing that I can enjoy and at least have a decent skill. Even if in real life I keep this a secret, at least I can take pride by myself. And when that one thing is taken from you, what is left? If TW:OPT is my one pride, what happen when it doesn't give you the same happiness anymore?

It's a thing that I noticed. After the middle of Scarabia Arc, I don't feel as happy as I used to when writing it. It became a chore. The thing where it supposed to be a stress-reliever, was instead became the cause of stress. I was plagued with the thoughts: I need to update. I have to update. When can I write? They've waited for too long. I can't stop now. I must finish this goddamn fic. It shouldn't have take three years to complete this damn fic. Why can't I update everyday like before? What wrong with me? Am I losing my touch? Why I don't get that many attraction anymore? Do they hate my work now? Am I not as good as I thought I am? Everyone is better than me. Why can't I be like them? Are my readers disappointed in me? Are they already moving on because I took too long? No one cares anymore. Always knew that I'm irrelevant. I'm just wasting my time trying to get something that's never mine.

But I'm still clinging onto TW:OPT. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. I still have Book 2/Last. I promised to myself that I will write it. I want to complete it. It doesn't matter if Twisted-Wonderland continue into Year 2 or 3 or 4. My goal is to complete Year 1.

I just...I don't want to disappoint you guys. I don't want to disappoint myself. I don't want this to be an abandon project. I just want to finally complete something that I started on my own will for once in my goddamn life.

What a hubris thought, huh? I'm sorry. I must've sounded like a selfish, attention-seeking, and ungrateful little bitch, aren't I? "Write for yourself" as they would say; I don't deserve to complain like a baby. I'll stop now.

I honesty don't know where is this rambling goes. I don't think I've ever talk like this before. Sorry. This might be a bad look on me, but it has been eating in me for the longest time. Does it feel good to let it out? Maybe. Or maybe I'm not able to feel anything anymore.

I just want to be happy in writing again. I want to be optimistic in my writing again. I don't want to be jealous of others. That one spark that I had back in early TW:OPT, I need it again. I want to try again. I want to write for TWST again. There are so many WIP that I want to write before I maybe disappear again. I know I will go back to write for Book 2. But not in this state. Not in this mental state where I think will care anymore.

I just want to be happy in my writing again.

I don't know... What do I do? I can try writing more. Will it help? It won't be another futile attempt? Or am I really hopeless and never have the chance since the very beginning. TW:OPT is my peak after all. It'll only go downhill from here.

...........................................................

Okay. I'll really stop here.

Dearest reader, whoever and wherever you are, I'm sorry for not giving you much. I perfectly understand if you want to leave. But I am eternally grateful for you guys who still stays. This four years has been an experience. But thank you for being there to experience it with me.

I'm going to stop whining now. Bye for now.

#twisted-wonderland: our precious treasure #twisted wonderland fanfiction #twisted wonderland fanfic #twisted wonderland fic #twst fanfic #twst fic #the captain's rambling

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etherealsign282 · 8 months

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11) for someone absolutely awful at cleaning and keeping things clean, you sure had a tendency to bully and abuse people for the way they swept YOUR mess, for the fact that they didn't want to clean the cat litter EVERY SINGLE TIME, and who only cared about cleaning as a form of abuse. And of course you already know about your other control issues that you need to work on.

12) I already touched base on this but like, imagine getting mad that someone's a little insecure or depressed when I mimicked everything from YOU. And eventually began to give the worse shit right fucking back to you like ignoring and interrupting you bc you did it to me, because it was the only way you would fucking realize that it doesn't feel good, yet somehow when you did it, it was okay, but me doing it as a reaction was not. Lmao you always had an excuse for the absolute worst shit ever but I only gave a quarter of what you gave me and you were so ready to throw in the towel. Fuck, you were ready to give up over BASIC DEPRESSION. And like imagine being so weak that you couldn't even handle the *real* you, only ever handling the fabricated part of you that you pretend you are.

13) imagine having a tantrum because I wanted to talk about south Park with J alone, but the last time I mentioned something that wasn't metalocalypse/your fan character specifically, you just pouted, gave stank face, rolled your eyes, berated it, complained until I gave you metalocalypse, etc. Imagine every idea I came up with being responded with "that's gay, what about x thing", or being ignored, or being stonewalled bc I was too busy with my thing to watch you every two seconds.

You never gave a shit about anything unless you could use it for yourself. Yet somehow we were the problem for not continuing to ask for you to join? You're a miserable bitch who can't enjoy anything outside of yourself and your edginess (that's why every character you make continues to look the exact same)! You couldn't enjoy a simple walk with me like damn I had to do so much just to get you to not hate me for the day like listen to your songs, watch your racist show, read about your toxic character for hours, eat only food you like, and yet I couldn't have you go on a simple walk with me without you whining and bitching and ruining it. I couldn't have you listen to my idea without you whining and bitching bc it's not about your character. I couldn't have you enjoy things I liked for one single second, it was just tooo much to ask.

Most of what I talked about was answered by you in a single sentence but I couldn't provide less than a paragraph when it was about you, and instead of coming to the conclusion that it was because you wanted to hear your own voice and nobody else's, you determined that somehow, some way... I was too talkative about myself for you to keep up, and not talkative enough about you?

Not to mention the amount of shit I had to listen to you complain about and it was just the same shit over and over! Or it was pathetic as fuck, like bitching that someone had *copd* and didn't want you to smoke in the house, you ableist fuck. You'll complain all fucking day about how you're a victim to society but you won't fucking listen when I say my *insert family member* is threatening to k1ll us all bc you genuinely thought your problems were bigger and more important than mine?

Maybe I fucking talk a lot bc people like you don't fucking listen and I was tired of being unheard, I'm in fact so tired of the idea that you pretended to do so much listening that *I* was being the too-talkative one, when I've had to complain TWO YEARS AFTER OUR BREAKUP to prove that you NEVER once fucking listened or cared to listen. Bc if you did, you would've definitely let me fucking vent without 100% unironically believing that you tripping and farting and crying about it outside is so much fucking emotionally and mentally deeper than LITERAL ABUSE? Or that you think going through your childhood pictures 3 times altogether in less than a year, so you could complain about how cute you used to be, or going through your grade book to brag about how your emo behavior affected your completely normal fucking teenage grades, is somehow soooo fucking deep compared to the BULLYING AND ASSAULT I WENT THROUGH??? I can literally recite more than half the stories you told me TO THIS DAY, moreso back then, but you couldn't even fucking tell me what you did wrong last week without needing a fifth refresher, nor could you probably remember the reason why I was too flaky to listen to your melodramatic bs again, or why I cried in your arms that one night.

And it has nothing to do with depression and everything to do with the fact that you fucking engraved that shit into my brain bc if I didn't pay attention for a second I was going to get berated and told I don't put in effort, or talked shit behind my back, meanwhile you had every excuse in the book to not pay attention bc it simply wasn't about YOU. Same thing with interrupting on purpose and trying to dismiss me bc you didn't care but then pausing for a straight minute and then getting mad bc I thought you finished.

#ex abuser chronicles

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from-a-reckless-writer · 3 years

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here's me jumping into the bandwagon :D

(read on ao3)

It's just after sunset when Kara finally gives in. She veers off from her patrol down to a route she knows by heart.

The moment she lands, the first thing she notices is how the sliding doors are a fraction open. It’s a small thing, nothing to even be thrilled about, yet still, her drumming heart cannot be helped.

"Knock, knock," she says, stepping inside.

Her heart turning anxious when she takes in the sight in front of her. The room is a mess; books on the floor, drawers open, Lena’s frazzled appearance. She's standing over a suitcase thrown open in the middle of the bed, a mountain of clothes on top of it.

She was told that Lena was going on a trip, that it would probably take three weeks tops.

Packing for a trip doesn’t look like this, this looks a lot like... leaving.

Going on a trip, Kara remembers that’s what her family told her too.

You and Kal are going on a trip but you don’t have to worry, we’ll be with you the rest of the way, they told her.

A trip implies there would be a home to come back to. And Kara believed it. She believed it for a total of ten seconds before her planet exploded and a shard of her home knocked her off-course.

"Need some help?" Her voice doesn’t tremble. Kara considers that a miracle, really.

"I didn't know Supergirl helped poor hapless women pack suitcases,” Lena retorts, walking over to her and kissing her cheek in greeting. It doesn't go unnoticed by Kara how clingy Lena's been since she's been back.

"Well, I wouldn’t exactly consider you poor and hapless," Kara counters.

"I may have had a slight,” Lena pinches her thumb and forefinger together, “panic over which and what to pack earlier.”

Yeah, Kara can definitely see that.

"Good thing I’m here then?”

"It's always good whenever you're around,” Lena says in such a casual way and it’s like the past year didn’t happen. As if it has always been this good. And...is this even allowed? This much affection from Lena? All the sweet words, the gentle touches, and the constant close proximity? It shouldn’t be allowed, not if it will be taken from her almost immediately after.

Unfair, is what it is.

******

“Okay, so why don’t we just move this out here yeah?” Kara voices, leaning over and hugging the lump of clothes to her chest, dumps it out from the suitcase and onto Lena’s pillows.

Lena’s fabric conditioner filling Kara’s senses entirely. For a brief moment, she considers stealing one of Lena’s shirts then and there. Something to tide her through once Lena leaves.

“Great. You’re on folding duty then,” Lena declares, “I’ll just go sort my babies, quickly. I’ll be right back.”

(Her 'babies' being the thick books lining every inch of this place.)

Lena disappears through the door. The domesticity of it all pulling at Kara’s chest.

In another world, where life ran a little differently, Kara would be packing their suitcases for a trip to Argo, or maybe one of the planets she’s always wanted Lena to see, or maybe it’d be nothing that grand. Maybe, just a trip back to Midvale. Lena would read to her on the whole drive there, her hair whipping from the winds down coastal roads.

Maybe not even a trip. Maybe in this other world, she’s assigned on folding duty, while Lena tinkers around their house. Maybe, even a dog or a cat. Maybe, something small at first, just an aquarium of fishes.

She doesn’t notice how deep into the fantasy she’s gotten till Lena speaks up from the door.

"My, my, CatCo would pay a million dollars to see this."

"Uh-"

"Supergirl found in bed, folding Lena Luthor's undies."

Kara looks down at her hand. She’s holding a lacy purple panty, she spots the matching bra laying a few inches away. She drops it lightning quick, feels her face flush.

"Oh, Rao. Lena, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to- I wasn't- It was just there and I-"

"Relax, Kara. I was just teasing,” Lena reassures her, she’s got three books tucked in her arms, she lays them down on the bed, before picking up the underwear Kara’s dropped and folding it neatly.

The contrast of the dark fabric against Lena’s pale fingers makes Kara flush an even brighter red.

Kara tries hard to exclude Lena's lacy panties in her fantasy.

She fails.

******

They give up on packing entirely two hours later. An all out pillow fight breaks out somewhere between Kara fishing out her favorite hoodie from the pile--discovering t'was not in fact missing like she thought it was--and Lena denying that she stole it.

They’ve fallen right on top of Lena’s clothes. Laying opposite each other, Lena lying upside down, her feet propped up on the pillows, toes touching the headboard, whilst Kara’s legs dangle at the end of the bed. Their heads close together.

From this angle, she can see the defined slope of Lena’s nose; stares at the way her lashes curl every time she blinks.

“So, what do you think you’ll find there?” Kara breathes out into the silence.

“I don’t really know,” Lena whispers.

“Let me rephrase then; what do you want to find?”

“I- I don’t know either.”

She tries to crane her neck to take a better look at Lena. Her eyes are closed, and it takes every ounce of self-control for Kara not to lean over and just press a kiss to Lena’s lips. It would be so, so easy. She settles for shifting just a bit closer instead, their temples touching.

It’s good enough.

“That’s okay," Kara murmurs, "not knowing is part of the adventure, right?”

She tries not to think about how she isn’t really part of this adventure. It isn’t about her, really. Kara’s decided the next three days will be about Lena. Kara will have time for breaking down once Lena leaves. The three days pales in comparison to how much Lena’s sacrificed in getting her back.

“I guess so.” she hears Lena say.

On the ceiling, Kara sees two shadows dancing with each other, tries not to look too deep into it.

And then,

“I had Jess trace down a couple of documents for me,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. There’s an orphanage that could help me, she thinks.”

Kara’s ears perk up at that, she imagines Lena as a small child crying for her mom and then being whisked away from everything she ever knew. Kara wishes she could hold that little girl’s hand. Why did nobody hold Lena’s hand through it all? Kara wonders if somebody did, would Lena even have met her? Would she have needed somebody like Kara in her life? She likes to believe that Lena would still have met her. A reality without Lena was too painful, Kara knows all too well.

“Is that where you’re going to visit first?”

“Yeah.”

A brief silence engulfs them.

“Hey, Kara,” Lena calls out. “Do you think-”

There’s a deep exhale and a sigh.

“Do I think what?”

“Do you think my mom would want me to find her again? Do you think she’s proud of me?”

The question was so full of uncertainty and insecurity and there's nothing that Kara wants more than to just wrap around Lena and tell her how goddamn amazing she is.

“Oh, Lena," Kara whispers, "your mom would be so happy if you found her. I’d even say she’s been waiting for you. And of course, she’s proud of you!” Kara sits up at this, can’t contain all her awe for Lena.

“You’re amazing! Have you met you? Your mom would be so proud of you. I just know it, Lena.”

Lena opens her eyes, smiles shyly at her, reaches up to cup Kara’s cheek. Even though the angle is awkward, Kara feels her entire being light up at the touch.

“Thank you. You always know just what to say.”

Kara's right hand comes up to keep Lena’s hand steady, before tilting slowly to press a kiss to her palm.

She registers the up-tick in her heartbeat before letting go and laying back down again.

Kara’s beginning to understand, now. Lena doesn’t want to wonder anymore, maybe if she knew where she came from, who she could’ve been, and what kind of life she could’ve led, existing wouldn’t be as hard as it is now. Maybe Lena wanted to know that a Luthor isn’t all that she is. Even though Kara has repeated again and again that she is so much more. Lena needs to figure that out for herself, Kara guesses.

Maybe, Lena finally needs a name other than what has been ingrained in her. Maybe Lena needs to name the parts of herself she never had before.

“Maybe you came from a family of thieves,” Kara murmurs, closing her eyes too.

“Kara.” she feels Lena shift, she opens one eye to see Lena propped on her elbows leaning over her. “Are you saying you think being a hoodie thief is genetic?”

“You never know, Lena you never know,” Kara manages to say, her brain a loop of, Lena’s eyes are so pretty, so pretty, so pretty, her hair smells so nice, please kiss me, please kiss-

Kara closes her eyes again to make the chanting stop.

“You do know I'm a scientist, right?”

“Mm. Doesn’t make you any less of a hoodie thief.”

That earns her a pillow on the face.

“Personally, I think you’re some lost princess though," Kara divulges.

Lena lets out a loud incredulous laugh at that.

“What?" Lena blurts out, "You think I’m a princess?”

There’s a cheesy pick-up line there somewhere that Kara chooses to ignore.

“Well, you have the whole Snow White look down to a T, after all. Pale skin, dark hair. The whole ensemble really.”

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," Lena groans, “but, I think you might be right. God, I even have the whole evil stepmother-stepbrother dynamic down. Does that make you one of my dwarfs?”

“Dwarf? Really? Lena, really?”

She’s glad to learn that Lena had picked up a thing or two from their Disney marathons. That doesn’t mean Kara appreciates being called a dwarf though. She sits up and leans back on her elbows too; their faces inches from each other now. Lena’s eyes gleaming with mischief.

“You turn into Grumpy when someone eats your ice cream.”

Kara gasps, clutches her heart as if wounded and falls down dramatically. Lena just laughs at her, lies down again before asking, “Think I’ll find Prince Charming there, then?”

“You don’t need Prince Charming.”

I’m right here.

“True,” Lena agrees. Lena doesn’t need anybody, although would it really hurt if she says that she needed Kara the way Kara needs her?

“Ireland seems like the best place to run off into the sunset though," Lena wonders aloud.

“Is that what you wanna do?” Kara asks, “Just run off into the sunset?”

Because, because, if it is, I can do something even better. I can fly you off into the sunset. All you have to do is ask. Her heart is galloping in her chest and she’s grateful that out of the two of them, she’s the only one with super hearing.

“No, I don’t think so,” Lena answers and Kara lets out a none too subtle breath of relief.

“You don’t have to search for a home, you know,” Kara whispers. She just- She just needs Lena to know this, okay?

“I know,” Lena answers. “I still need to do this though.”

Once Lena Luthor makes up her mind there’s no changing it, it’s something Kara’s come to know through the years.

“You’ll come back soon though?”

“Maybe. Honestly, Kara? I don’t really know about ‘soon’. How close is ‘soon’ anyway? Would there even be a good reason for me to come back?”

How Kara held her all screams in the moment Lena said that, she doesn’t know.

******

There are balloons and cake and confetti but it doesn’t feel anything remotely close to a party.

It feels more something along the lines of, train wreck and heartbreak and building on fire. In short, disaster.

She vaguely registers Kelly asking her to hover and hang the banner. Why would she want to hang a banner screaming “We”ll Miss You!” in glittering blue? Kara grabs the ends of it and hangs it up anyway.

We’ll Miss You doesn't even begin to cover Kara’s feelings about Lena’s departure and oncoming absence.

But then again, this isn’t about her.

The door buzzes before Kara can spiral down her blackhole again.

Andrea comes in through the door with a bottle of champagne, which she hands off to Kara along with her coat. Kara fumbles after Andrea.

This isn’t CatCo! I’m not your employee! And champagne? Really? What is there to celebrate?

Lena arrives shortly after and streamers are let out. They make in-jokes and everyone’s laughing and Alex keeps telling Lena to bring home ‘some of the good stuff’ and Brainy keeps asking if he’s allowed to tinker with Lena’s projects while she's away, and Nia’s handing Lena an old film camera, “Document everything for me? Alright?" and Kara’s trying, she really, really is.

Even though she can’t understand how all of them are happy and smiling at the thought of Lena leaving them.

She doesn’t even notice what she’s doing till she’s bracing herself for take-off out in Lena’s balcony, when a hand lands on her wrist.

“Hey.” Lena anchors her back to the ground. It’s a mistake to turn and meet Lena’s eyes.

“Stay? Please?” Lena asks.

Unfair, Kara thinks again. It’s unfair that she gets to ask that.

******

Kara stays.

She stays till the lights are off, the blankets drawn and Lena’s snoring in her arms.

She’s eyeing the suitcase at the corner of the room.

I forgive you, she thinks, I forgive you for taking my heart in the suitcase you packed.

She didn’t even know it was trapped inside till Lena’s zipping everything up and Kara couldn’t breathe.

“Please, please, don’t go,” she pleads into the dark. .

Lena shifts, mumbles incoherently and burrows deeper into Kara.

******

The runway is shimmering after the early morning drizzle, and Lena Luthor looks like someone from a magazine, standing there in her velvet coat and aviators. There’s only the two of them, and there’s a smug pride in Kara about the fact that Lena didn’t want anybody here but her.

She’s leaving today. In a few hours, they’ll be on different continents. Kara wouldn’t be able to trace her heartbeat anymore. Lena made her promise not to chase the plane. She’s still pretty bummed about that.

“You know I’m gonna call you everyday, right?” Kara mutters in her ear, arms wrapped tight around Lena.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from Kara Danvers.” Lena squeezes back, before pulling away.

“G-good.”

“Well, this is my ride,” Lena tells her, gestures to the jet behind her. “This is goodbye then.”

“For now.” Kara insists.

“For now.” Lena confirms, “Goodbye, for now.”

She turns to go but Kara can’t-

“Lena, wait.”

She tugs on Lena’s hand and she comes back to her willingly. Before Kara loses the nerve, she presses into Lena’s lips. She cups her face gently, feels the warmth of the sun on her cheeks, feels the moment Lena’s brain catches up to what’s happening.

It doesn’t taste like goodbye, Kara realizes. It tastes like a promise of something more.

“What was that for?” Lena breathes out, Kara can hear their hearts hammering in sync.

“Your reason to come back home.”

[special shoutout to @mssirey who gave great writing advice to this poor hapless writer（〃｀ 3′〃）i kith u on the forehead. ]

#if u see a typo no u dont #the reckless writer writes #a supercorp ficlet of sorts #here have a super self-indulgent fic before the next disaster of an ep drops #sg spoilers

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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

Text

𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐) || sub!bucky barnes x dominatrix!reader

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || every client is different, with different needs; but this client is, in every way, exceptional.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 5k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut (cnc), dom/sub relationship, ‘mistress’ title, pain kink, cockwarming, orgasm denial/control, use of a cockring, slapping, objectification/degradation, some angst and hurt/comfort, crying after sex, touchstarved!bucky

new parts posted on thursdays! join the taglist here

"And you can promise complete and total discretion?” the deep and husky voice on the other end of the line repeated, low enough that it was almost a whisper.

You laughed a little. “Of course,” you answered. Most clients were serious about privacy, but this guy was next level. He must be famous, you thought to yourself, or married. Or both.

But just as much as your clients wanted to keep you separate from their personal life, you would rather they know nothing about who you are. Of course it was always a risk, since nobody could hide their face and you had to work out of your apartment, but you did what you could to keep your job just that— a job.

You told your friends you were a consultant, because people didn’t question that. Sure, it was hard to keep up the lie sometimes when you got last-minute bookings and had to cancel plans, but it was worth it for the money these men were willing to pay.

And this new guy? He was shelling out all kinds of cash, on a long set of conditions. Including an NDA. You wouldn’t have given him up either way, but if the contract made him feel better (and made him pay more) then you were happy to sign it.

“So it’s all anonymous, then? No ID, no credit card…?” he pressed.

“I mean, if cash is easier for you—”

“It is.”

You were starting to worry that this was a major red flag, as if he didn’t want to be traceable back to you at all. It was almost a dealbreaker, until you glanced down at the legal pad you’d written his offer on and remembered that you couldn’t afford to turn him down. “Then cash is fine,” you decided, making a note to yourself to have 911 already dialed when he came by in case his aversion to ID was really about a desire to get away with something.

“When can we start?”

“Um, well the soonest I can do is tomorrow at seven” you explained.

"Great, I'll be there," he answered firmly, apparently about to hand up.

“Hey, hey, slow down!” you chuckled. “Can I at least get a name?”

“I didn’t think we needed to do names.”

“We don’t… but if you’re willing, I’d like to know something to call you.”

“James,” he answered after a tense pause. “James is fine.”

“Alright, James, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Upon opening the door, you instantly noticed three things about him: he was tall, he was big, and he was sexy.

You had sort of been hoping that his appearance wouldn’t match his voice, but it did, and it was going to make this so much harder. Maybe easier in a few ways, but overall worse. It was important that you didn’t get too emotionally invested with your clients.

His eyes were dragging over you like he was just as taken aback. Which was odd, because he must have seen your picture online before he called you.

“James,” you greeted. “Glad you made it.”

You stepped aside to let him enter, guiding him to take a seat in your living room. Before clients came by, you hid any signs of life and kept the space as neutral as possible, which was why the only furniture was the white couch he sat on, the black chair across from it, and a glass table in between.

You sat in the black chair and crossed your legs, noticing with pride the way his eyes studied your every move.

“It’s important that we have a discussion about boundaries and limits before this goes any further," you explained sternly, and he nodded slightly. "Tell me what you do and don't want."

“Uh, well, I guess I was just looking for… somebody who can administer, um, discipline… you know, someone who sets rules and enforces them. But could also be kind of, uh, sweet I guess, to. Not too sweet, just… not too mean either."

You smiled a little; he sounded right up your alley. "I can do that."

"You should know I… I have a… disability. My left arm it's, um, it's a prosthetic."

"How would you like me to accommodate that?"

"Just don't say anything about it, please. Treat it like a normal arm. And, uh, if you could ignore my scars, too…" he added awkwardly.

"Of course,” you nodded, “I would never want to make you feel insecure."

"Well, I mean, I'm not against degradation," he admitted sheepishly, making you smile a little.

"Right: that's different. Anything else you're distinctly not against?"

“I can take a lot of pain,” he explained matter-of-factly. “However much you think I can handle, double it. I wanna feel it.”

You could almost hear the words he wasn’t saying: I wanna feel something.

“Okay, we can do that. You’ve probably heard of the color system," you posited.

“I haven’t.”

"Oh." That threw you off slightly… how new was he to this scene? “Well, it’s traditionally green, yellow, red; like a stoplight. Red means stop. Yellow means proceed with caution. Green means continue.”

“Sounds simple enough.”

“Too simple for me, in fact. I have my own version: ‘red’ will make me stop what I’m doing, but only ‘black’ ends the scene entirely. And then there’s ‘blue.’ That means you want more.”

He smirked a little; a strong show of emotion compared to his stoicism so far. “I think I’ll use that one most.”

“Just don’t be afraid to use anything else, alright? I’d never be disappointed in you for safewording, or even just needing a break.”

He nodded. “Can we get to it then?”

“You’re rushing as always,” you laughed. “I’m not charging you for this part. We have plenty of time— don’t we?”

“Yes, but—” he sighed. “You look really… I walked in and, I guess I’m just really looking forward to this.”

You almost would’ve smiled at the compliment but you thankfully suppressed it. “And what is it that you’re looking forward to? What do you want me to do to you?”

His jaw tightened as he looked away from you. “Um, there’s a lot.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Ropes. Strongest you have. I can buy you stronger ones if you need them, for next time…”

He’s already thinking about next time? He’s already thinking about buying me things?

“Alright, I can do ropes: wrists and ankles? Or more than that?”

He seemed a bit confused by that question. “Is there anywhere else?”

“Torso,” you enumerated, “neck—” you stopped because you saw his reaction to that, and it made you smile a bit. “Okay, so maybe the neck is something to try. Do you like being choked?”

“I… I don’t know…” he sighed.

“Have you ever been choked before?”

“Not… sexually...”

You felt your eyebrows rise, but didn’t want to press; a story for another time, perhaps.

“We’ll have to discuss silent safewords and signals so you can tap out, but if you’d be willing to try it—”

“Yes.”

You laughed. “Eager, are we?”

He swallowed, and you wondered if you shouldn’t have let your ‘dom voice’ slip out in that moment… but he looked so good flustered like that. He adjusted himself slightly in his chair and you hoped he was already hard. And with that thought in mind, you couldn’t stop yourself from teasing him further.

“Do you like being called certain things?” you asked, voice lower as you leaned forward. “How do you feel about ‘pet’?”

He almost kept up his poker face, but his gaze faltered at the same time he moved in his chair again. “Um, ‘pet’ is okay.”

“Baby boy?”

“Not really my speed,” he shrugged.

You slipped out of your chair and stood up, approaching him slowly as the click of your heels echoed across the tile. He watched you with wide eyes and quickening breaths.

“What do you like? Tell me,” you demanded, though you kept your tone light.

“Uh,” he paused, watching your hand as it rested on his leg, “I like… I like being called a good boy.”

You grinned as you pulled your hand away, watching him tense up with disappointment. “I can do that,” you agreed, lifting his chin with a finger until he looked at you with those beautiful, desperate eyes, “if you actually are being a good boy for me.” “I will,” he promised quickly, “I’ll be so good.”

“Mmm, I bet you will,” you purred. “So willing to please…”

“Tell me how,” he sighed as your hand trailed from his chin down to his chest, slipping under the loose collar of his henley and rubbing his chest. “Tell me how to please you.”

“Well, for starters, I have a name, too: Mistress.”

He sighed like the wind had been knocked out of him, but nodded.

“And if I ask you a question, I expect you to answer ‘Yes, Mistress’ or ‘No, Mistress’. Is that clear?”

“Uh-huh,” he agreed before suddenly correcting himself, “um, yes, Mistress.”

“I’ll let you have that one,” you frowned, “but further infractions will be punished.”

“Yes, Mistress; I’m sorry, Mistress,” he moaned, melting under your touch as your hand moved down to rub his thigh through his jeans.

“Now, just for fun,” you smiled, leaning down until your lips were nearly brushing his ear, “tell me what you want.”

“Please touch me, Mistress,” he sighed.

“But I am touching you.”

“Touch my… touch my cock," he clarified, adorably embarrassed. "It’s so hard for you…”

“We’ll get to that eventually. Let’s go to the bedroom first, okay?”

However good he looked standing in your doorway half an hour ago, it was nothing compared to how he looked naked and hard and tied to your bed.

Yes, the prosthetic and the scars that attached it to his body were hard to ignore. He had failed to warn you that it was metal, so you couldn’t hide the slight shift of your face when it caught the light; you hoped he didn’t think it was a look of judgment or disgust, because you truly didn’t think it was anything upsetting. Maybe the scars were a little worrying… but they didn’t seem to bother him now, at least physically.

But truly, if anything was distracting about his body, it wasn’t the arm. It was his muscles— no wait, it had to be his cock, right? It’s tough to call: on one hand, his entire body was toned and hardened beyond the peak of human conditioning, his thick thighs making your mouth water already, his chiseled abs almost making you jealous; but on the other hand, between those lovely thighs and curving up against those perfect abs was a cock that rivalled anything you'd ever seen before, with a blue vein running up one side and a drip of precum rolling down the other.

You finally sauntered up to the bed and ran your fingers over the taught ropes, pretending to ignore him watching you impatiently. It was almost hotter knowing that he could pull out of the ropes if he really wanted to. More than most, he was choosing to submit to them and to you.

“How’s this knot feel? Too tight?” you hummed, tugging the rope just beside his wrist and watching his hand move limply with it.

“No, it’s good.”

You stepped back to the foot of the bed and stripped slowly, peeling off your black dress to reveal a matching lace set underneath. You left your heels on as you stepped out of the dress and kicked it aside.

Turning back to face him, James looked like he was all but drooling. You could see in his eyes how much he wished the ropes weren’t holding him back so he could run his hands all over your body.

But you could tell he craved being denied what he wanted, by the way his cock flexed of its own volition.

You let yourself smile as you crawled your way up the bed and over his body, like a panther stalking its prey, and boy did he look ready to be devoured.

"Are you scared?" you asked quietly. He shook his head. "Are you ready?"

He nodded. You sat up as you straddled him, positioned just right such that no part of you was really touching him, and watched with delight as he tugged against the ropes slightly to try to get closer.

"So needy," you grinned, somewhere between praising and scolding him. Your fingers ghosted over his chest and he shivered; he asked you to treat his prosthetic like a normal arm, so you dragged your nails down the metal and watched his eyes flutter shut. When you pulled your hand back and left him untouched again, he whined slightly.

“Aw, poor thing,” you pouted as you examined him, desperation emanating off of him in an invisible aura. “Your cock is all red and leaking… it must hurt, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, Mistress,” he groaned.

“What if I touch it a little?” you offered.

“Please…”

You traced your fingers lightly up and down his length, tickling the skin and giving him the least pressure that you could. He whimpered and you chuckled mockingly. “I said I’d touch it a little, sweet boy, are you not satisfied?”

He bucked up into your touch as best he could, causing you to pull your hand away. “Baby, please—”

You cut him off with a slap to the face, as hard as you could muster.

“Mistress!” he corrected with a whine. “Mistress, please… please wrap your hand around it.”

“Around what?”

“Around… my cock. Stroke me, please…”

“All you had to do was ask,” you grinned, finally tightening your hand around him and moving slowly up and down the shaft. His head fell back with a soft moan, just from that. Your teasing had certainly helped get him this worked up, but you knew it wasn't just that… he was plenty sensitive all on his own, apparently.

It made your mouth water.

"Does this feel good, James?" you asked huskily.

"S-so good," he whimpered, "please can you… stroke it a little faster, please, Mistress…"

"Hmm, not yet," you decided, feeling him tense up beneath you. "Relax," you instructed with a free hand rubbing his thigh gently.

You continued to teasingly stroke his length, never quite giving him the pressure or speed he needed to get closer to his release, savoring every whimper and whine and sigh from him along with the satisfying weight of his cock against your palm.

It felt like you'd never get tired of wielding so much power in your hand.

"Please," he sighed, "I need more…"

"You want me to stroke you faster?" you pressed, already knowing that wasn't what he meant. He shook his head and you grinned, leaning in closer but letting go of his cock.

Slowly, you let the lace covering your core rub up against his shaft, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head. "Ohhhhh," he moaned, "oh fuck, Mistress…"

You grinned and kept rocking against him, easily feeling the warmth of him through your panties— meaning he, in turn, could feel the warmth of you. "How does it feel, baby?"

"Good," he choked out, "really, really good… fuck, I want more, I need more, please…"

"Are you my good boy, James?" you asked in a low purr. He nodded eagerly, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed nothing. "Do you want to be inside me?" you finally whispered against his ear, letting a finger run lazily up his spine and feeling him shiver so hard it was more like he was convulsing.

"Please, Mistress, I'll do anything…"

You didn't touch all of your clients sexually, due in part to the fact that they usually wanted a lot more pain than pleasure. You'd only had sex with one or two of them, and it wasn't a routine thing. Before today you never would've imagined doing this with a first-time client, but to be completely honest… he was fucking hot. The kind of guy you'd be spreading your legs for instantly if you weren't at work and he wanted to buy you a drink or grab lunch. And he was here, at your disposal, begging you for more. How could you say no?

You pulled your panties aside and gripped his cock tightly to guide it to your entrance, studying his face twisted in anticipation before sinking down and watching him gasp and sigh all at once, somehow.

It took a lot of effort to hide your own pleasure when he was stretching you out so perfectly, but you managed to suppress the desire to moan and just smile at his fucked-out expression instead.

Finally, your hips met with his and you got to sit there and enjoy the look of dawning agony as he realized you were staying completely still.

“Move, please,” he sobbed, “oh god, Mistress, please move…”

“But I thought you wanted to be inside me? Isn’t this what you asked for?”

He whined and tried to wiggle his hips; all that got him was two hard slaps to the face.

“No whining,” you instructed through your teeth. “Good boys don’t whine.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “‘m your good boy, I promise.”

“I know you are,” you grinned, “or at least, I know you can be. Show me how good and patient you are.”

Reaching to the side a bit without getting off of him, you pulled a vibrator from your drawer. His eyes went a little wide when he saw it, and you laughed.

"Don't worry, this isn't for you. It's for me," you explained as you turned it on, inserting it between your body and his to touch the toy against your clit. He winced as you sighed contentedly. "Fuck, it feels good. Can you feel it on your cock?"

"A… a little…" he hissed.

"I bet it feels good for you too," you posited, "but not good enough to make you come."

After a little pause, he nodded breathlessly.

"Good," you smiled. "I just wanna come with your cock inside me. I wanna know how it feels to get off with my favorite toy while being full of my newest toy."

"Fuck," he groaned.

"Do you like that, pretty boy? Do you like me using your cock, being your Mistress' dumb little fucktoy?"

"Yes," he sobbed, hips shifting ever so slightly beneath you as he sought more stimulation from your flexing walls. Shifting the vibe to hit right on your clit, you cried out— and he did too, at the feeling of you tightening around him.

"God, you love being Mistress' dildo, don't you?"

He nodded, biting hard on his lip until you worried he'd hurt himself. He moaned again as another jolt of pleasure forced your channel to clench on his cock.

"You're making too much noise for a fucktoy, you need to be quiet."

He opened his mouth for a second, but closed it again and nodded instead.

"You can do it yourself right?" you pressed, seeing him nod. "You don't need me to gag that pretty mouth?"

He whined but shook his head, keeping his lips pressed together.

That went on for a few more moments as you teased yourself with the vibe, hoping to draw this out for the sake of his struggle. Wanting to up the ante, you took the vibe off your clit and turned it off for a moment. "I think this would feel better with a little lube… will you get it wet for me, James?"

You brought the toy to his lips and he eagerly wrapped them around it, sucking lightly on the silicone with those pretty lashes resting on his cheeks.

"There you go, that's a good boy," you praised, pulling the toy from his mouth, "that's my good boy…"

"Yours…" he repeated weakly, "wanna be good for you, just for you…"

This time when you turned it on and pressed it to your clit again, you instantly gasped and felt your walls bare down on him; turning up the vibration, you actually moaned aloud and saw him wince. "Oh, can you feel it now?" you asked tauntingly. He bit his lip and nodded.

It really wasn't even intentional but you felt your hips start to rock, making him gasp as his eyes shot open. For a guy who had been begging you to move not too long ago, he looked pretty overwhelmed by it now.

"Fuck, I'm gonna make myself come on your cock… do you wanna feel me come, baby?"

He seemed conflicted, which was exactly what you were going for. You wanted him to struggle, just enough, between his need to satisfy himself and his desire to please you. "I… I want to make you come, Mistress," he finally choked out, notably answering a slightly different question than the one you'd asked.

You smiled and leaned in to whisper in his ear: "Are you afraid that if you feel me come around you, you won't be able to hold back? That you might accidentally come inside me?"

He made a needy little groan and nodded.

"Don't worry, baby, I'm gonna help you," you promised sweetly, but of course as soon as he saw you grab a cockring from your drawer he changed his tune.

"N-no, Mistress, please," he begged with wide eyes, "I'll be good, just not that— don't put that on me."

You smirked and sat up, pulling off of him and slowly slipping the ring on his throbbing length as he quietly pleaded for mercy. He winced when you pushed it down to the base of him, his cheeks burning hot red now.

"Is it a little too tight, baby?" you cooed, grinning when he nodded. "Good."

You sank back down into him and let your hips grind on his, working your clit with the vibe and even kicking it up to the next highest setting. He jolted beneath you, clearly feeling the vibrations strongly now, and you let the view of his beautifully broken facial expression egg on your own climax.

"Mm, I'm close, baby," you whispered, "just stay still and let Mistress use you like a good little boy."

He made a small noise through his teeth but seemed to manage okay, even when your walls began to pulse rhythmically around him and your head fell back, your free hand palming at your breast through the lace bra just to add that last little edge of sensation.

"Oh fuck, fuck," you moaned, "that's my good boy…"

You shakily pulled the vibe away and turned it off, still a little numb on your clit but feeling your channel still rippling slightly with aftershocks; he seemed to feel them in spite of their subtlety, if the panting breaths that filled his muscular chest rapidly were any indication.

As slow as you could manage, you pulled your body off of him and sat back on his legs to stare at his cock. The remnants of your orgasm left plenty of lubrication to stroke it, focusing on the head which had turned almost purple now.

"M-Mistress," he groaned, writhing under your touch.

Amazingly, his cock was already flexing in your hand, and a growl of pride and hunger echoed in your chest.

“Oh fuck, can you come for me, James?” you moaned, pumping him so fast your hand was a blur. “Can you be my good boy and come right through the cockring?”

“Yes,” he sobbed, “gonna come, Mistress, please—”

“Come right now,” you demanded, watching his face instantly fall slack as he spurted out onto his own chest and stomach, cock flexing and pulsing in your hands as his legs quivered and his hips thrusted wildly.

And the tears were flowing soon after. You weren’t sure if it was sub drop or just the power of his release, but between weak sobs he whispered broken apologies.

“You did so good,” you cooed as you slipped off the ring and wrapped your arms around him, subtly trying to reach over to untie the ropes. But you didn’t need to; he flexed his arms and the restraints popped like floss. He embraced you in return as you let his head fall onto your chest. “You’re so good, it’s okay,” you continued, stroking his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated again, breathing quickly and wetting you with his tears.

This, you realized, is what he had made you sign the contract to protect. It wasn’t that he was excessively embarrassed about his sexual proclivities, but that this was his space to be soft, and weak, and broken. Apparently he wasn’t ready for anyone else to know that he wasn’t steel all the way down.

“Shh, it’s okay… you’re okay…” you breathed, indulging him in this moment even though it was more intimate than you preferred to get with customers. Aftercare was an important part of your job, certainly, but so was enforcing boundaries.

He began to soothe as you kissed his forehead gently, whispering well-deserved affirmations and praise. As his breathing slowed and moved back to normal, he pulled back and looked up at you.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated one more time, but not as wavering as before, “I didn’t think I would… that was unexpected.”

“No, it’s somewhat normal,” you exaggerated slightly, “this kind of thing… it’s taxing, I pushed you to your limits. You were really tough, and it’s all very vulnerable.”

“Thanks,” he sighed, sniffling and wiping his eyes. “And sorry about your ropes,” he smiled as he noticed the frayed ends coming off of where his wrists were still tied.

“Let me help you get those off,” you smiled, loosening the knots and sliding the binds off of him, quickly massaging the places that the rope had constricted. “Blood flow’s okay?”

“Yep,” he nodded.

“You numb anywhere?” you pressed.

“Uh, just my dick. And my brain is all fuzzy…”

You smiled. “Can’t help the first one. Let me get you some water for the second.”

“No!” he yelped suddenly. “Um, don’t go yet, please…”

“Of course,” you smiled. “I’ll untie your ankles, then.”

He still seemed disappointed, as if he expected you to hug him for hours and never move. He let you go this time, though, and loosened his grip so you could slide down to the foot of the bed.

"Was that sort of what you were hoping for when you called me?" you asked as you untied the ropes slowly and took a moment to massage the skin underneath, hoping to restore any lost blood flow.

"So much better than what I was hoping for," he admitted with a breathless chuckle. "You're… really good."

"Well, thank you," you shrugged, "it comes with practice and experience. You held your own, too."

"I wish I could say that was from practice and experience. I didn't want to say anything before but I've, uh, never actually… been to a domme before."

You smiled slightly, coming back up and being pulled into another embrace. "Um, I'll admit I can kind of tell…" you mumbled.

"I'm not supposed to touch you like this," he realized quietly, relaxing his grip on you and pulling back. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright, just don't get too comfortable because we only have—" you glanced at the clock— "eight more minutes until you need to leave."

"I'll get up and get dressed soon," he offered with a sigh as you got up and quickly slipped on a robe, grabbing him a damp washcloth for the drying come on his torso.

You tilted your head as you watched him clean up, and you wanted to offer some touch that was a bit less intimate than a hug, so you found yourself blurting out: "do you like having your hair played with?"

"Um, I don't… I don't know," he admitted as he reached up to card his fingers through the hair in question. "No one else has ever really touched my hair before."

"Really?" you laughed, getting back on the bed to sit beside him. "It looks pretty luscious. I figured any girlfriend of yours would want to get her hands on it."

"Oh, well, the last time I had a girlfriend… it wasn't long then," he explained, and you kept on your best poker face. His hair looked like he'd been growing it out for at least two years, unless it grew crazy fast or something. How long had he been single? With a body like that you could barely believe that he was single now.

"Do you mind if I touch it?" you offered quietly, and once he gave you a nod you reached forward and combed your fingers through it, reaching deeper to scratch at his scalp, occasionally pulling the strands lightly into loose braid-like patterns that fell away almost immediately afterwards. He sank into your touch until you found yourself supporting his head against your chest, mindlessly playing with his hair until you noticed his eyes were shut, his breathing was slowed, and his body was limp on top of yours.

He fell asleep.

You laughed silently to yourself, realizing that you couldn't get him off of you without his cooperation since he was so heavy and you had no shot at lifting him. And, of course, his cooperation required his consciousness… which required waking him up.

And, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. He just looked too peaceful, for a guy who had never seemed truly relaxed around you.

Was there any other way he could relax? Cause it kinda seemed like he really, really needed this. And you were in the business of meeting needs, to say the least.

So, with an apologetic text to your last client of the night that you needed to reschedule, you let James sleep on you as you closed your eyes and drifted off as well.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #sub!bucky barnes x domme!reader

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ghost-ghost-baby · 3 years

Text

Narcissist (alpha!readerxOmega!Bakugo soulmate au)

An: this is heavily inspired by the song narcissist by younger hunger definitely recommend listening to it!

An: BIG TY TO MY BETA FOR EDITING THIS ABSOLUTE MONSTER OF A FIC WE STAN!

Word count: 3.2k (ur welcome)

Summary: Bakugo being a little shit basically- Mina and Denki r sick of him- reader runs out of scent blockers-

Warnings: omegaverse, swearing, Bakugo being a dick, reader just thinks he’s hot, gets a bit spicy but nothing graphic, non traditional dynamics (subby alphas) drug use (weed)

You were in a familiar room, one you’d come to love since you’d started dreaming of it, and you sat on the bed and waited… any moment now.

“Oi, are you here, shithead?” The voice of your omega was dreamier than it was in real life; his harsh words unable to punctuate the tranquility of your dream.

“I always am, Katsuki!” You chirped, grinning as he slowly faded into existence. The black tank top and jeans he wears make him look far too good, and your brain short-circuited for a few seconds.

“I told you not to fucking call me that!” He growled, but you only laughed. Reaching out to grab his hands before he could stop you, you pull him down so you could kiss him. Any anger he had quickly melted away, and Katsuki had pulled one hand away to rest on your shoulder and pushed back. You got the point, you pulled away for air and leaned back on your elbows as you did. Katsuki followed and straddled you without a moment of hesitation. His mouth latched onto your neck and you let out a hum. With one hand gravitating to tangle in his hair, he gave you another push that had you lying flat on your back.

“Hey-”

“Shut the fuck up, don’t ruin this.” Katsuki bit down on your throat and you squeaked, although he licked over the mark seconds later to soothe it, and only pulled away to kiss you when you tried to talk again. You melted, let your hands wander down to his thighs, and had your thumbs rubbing absent-minded circles. Then, Katsuki was unbuttoning the shirt you had on, hands quickly trailing lower to-

“Y/N! Did you hear what Mr. Aizawa said?” Mina’s voice brought you back from the dream you had the night before, and you blinked at her as you blanked.

“No way I'm working with their dumbass!” Katsuki snarled as Kiri forced him into a seat at your table, and you turned your head to Sero with a questioning look. He usually knew what was going on in class.

“We have a group project for a presentation, Mr. Aizawa picked the groups-”

“Oh hell yeah, all my best bro’s working together? Sounds like fun to me!” Denki leaned over to hug you and Mina, and the pieces started to click together. You were working on an art project, with your mate, who hate-

“How could anything be fun with Y/n around, they fucking ruin everything.” Katsuki grumbled to himself, refusing to meet your eyes despite sitting opposite you. Kiri mouthed an apology to you from his seat next to Katsuki. Honestly, you had no idea why he’d decided to act like… such a brat really, but it was just an act, however annoying it was. The two of you were soulmates, he’d come around, eventually.

“Oh hush, Bakugo, Y/n’s a riot and we all know it! You’re the one who goes to sleep at like, 8pm” Denki came to your aid. The electric blonde then pressed a kiss to your cheek that had Katsuki gritting his teeth.

“So, what's the project, guys?” You flipped through your book to a fresh page, resting your chin on your hand as you waited for the others to speak.

“We have to show the versatility of styles and composition under a singular theme!” Kiri was the one that answered you, and the group immediately started throwing around ideas.

“I think we could do horror, a lot of horror artists have different composition styles and still manage to convey the-”

“Tch, that’s the best you could come up with? I’m not surprised, an alpha as shitty as you can’t be capable of any decent ideas.” Katsuki sneered, but you only smiled at him as the group agreed with your idea. Your omega merely grumbled and hunched over in his seat as the group discussed the different artists you could use as examples.

You’d stayed late to double-check something with a professor, and you were still flipping through your notebook as you walked through the unusually empty halls. You weren’t paying attention to where you were going, and before you knew it you ran into someone, the same someone who shoved you against a wall seconds later, but your fear subsided when you realised it was just Katsuki.

“Watch where you’re fucking going, dipshit.” Katsuki wasn’t even sure why he’d pushed you up against the wall, but being this close to you, touching you… it was..nice…

“Tch, god your scent is so weak, you smell like a fucking beta, how’d I get stuck with such a runt, huh? Some sick kind of joke.” Katsuki’s tone didn't match what he was saying. The way he leaned forward to rub his cheek over your scent gland definitely said otherwise, but you stayed quiet, he always found some excuse to scent you, but he’d usually get embarrassed and storm off if you dared to say anything.

“You’re pathetic, you know? Being this submissive for an omega, are you sure you’re not a beta? It’d make more sense.” You bit your lip when Bakugo pressed a kiss to your neck, only hesitating a moment before he started sucking a mark onto your skin. His words bounced right off of you because all you could focus on was how hot he was and how he’d subconsciously put his thigh between your legs and thank fuck you were on scent blockers, or you’d never hear the end of it.

“Really, you aren’t even going to try and defend yourself? You’re even weaker than I thought.” A growl next to your ear made you shiver, and Katsuki pushed away with a snarl when he was satisfied. He cursed at you again and warned you ‘not to tell anyone or he’d kick your ass’ (he wouldn’t) before he walked away, leaving you to walk home with your head completely in the clouds.

“What took you so fucking long, huh idiot?” Katsuki was on you the second you appeared in the dream, pulling you down into a rather ferocious kiss before you could say anything. He bit your lip when you didn’t open your mouth fast enough, swallowing any protests you would have made, and continued to kiss you until you were dizzy. “I’ve been waiting two hours…” He pulled away to kiss under your jaw, and if you didn’t know him so well you’d miss the insecure tone in his voice.

“Sorry, Midoriya wanted-” You stopped when Katsuki growled, biting down so hard you were surprised he didn't draw blood.

“Why the fuck are you saying his name here, huh? Are you tryna piss me off?” He pulled away to sneer at you. You opened your mouth to explain, but the words died in your throat when he unzipped your hoodie, and any coherent thought you had went out the window when he started to kiss your neck.

Everything was ready. The lounge room was set up, complete with snacks, drinks, and stationery for you and your friends to work on the project. They were meant to be here any second, and you couldn’t help but hover near the door to your apartment. You weren’t used to having people over and it still put you on edge having others in your space. But that thought left your head when a knock sounded on your door. You quickly opened it and were almost knocked over by Denki and Mina engulfing you in a hug.

“Thanks so much for hosting bro!”

“Awww you laid out all these snacks and stuff too! An omega’s gonna be really lucky to have you one day Y/n!” They pushed inside. Denki closed the door as Mina oohed and aahed over the setup, their praise had a slight blush rising to your face as you sheepishly rubbed your neck. Sero was next, quickly hugging you before he joined Denki and Mina, then Katsuki and Kirishima last. The blonde pushed past you without saying hello, but Kiri pulled you into a hug so tight you couldn’t breathe for a second, and was complimenting the setup as you took a seat. You tried to sit next to Mina, but Denki let out a whine and the pair was pulling you down between them before you had time to protest. Denki immediately leaned on you once you were settled. Katsuki couldn’t focus on the project, how could he, when his two dipshit friends were all over his mate. And you weren’t even doing anything to stop them! In fact, you were leaning into their hugs and giggling at every stupid joke they made! It had Katsuki fuming. Kirishima was the only one close enough to smell the angry shift in his scent, and he glanced between his friend and you, slowly putting the pieces together. You really had no idea what was happening, but Denki’s head was on your shoulder, and Mina’s arm around your waist as she asked questions about the project, giggling and pressing a kiss to your cheek whenever you got confused, which happened more than you’d like to admit. The blonde gritted his teeth when Mina’s hand went to your thigh, you were his! Nobody else should ever be touching you like that! You should know better! So when you excused yourself to grab something from your room, of course he made up some excuse about needing the bathroom so he could follow you.

The door to your room closed with a click, and you quickly spun around, expecting to see Mina or Denki, anyone except Katsuki to be honest.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He was seeing red at this point. He cornered you and made you stumble back until your waist hit your desk.

“Uh- getting more pens-?” You held out the pack of pens with a confused look on your face that only made Katsuki angrier. How were you so stupid? And so fucking cute when you were- he cut off that thought, he needed to focus on yelling at you. Not the way your brows furrowed and how you nervously bite your lip as you waited for him to say something. Wait- were you blushing? Fuck, maybe he should-

“Katsuki? Are you oka-“

“Shut the fuck up, dipshit.” He snarled. Then, catching you both off guard, he leaned forward and kissed you. Your eyes fluttered closed immediately. He’d only kissed you in your dreams, which was nothing compared to this, and you hesitantly placed your hands on his waist. His hands went to your hair to pull you closer, tugging it until you got the message and parted your lips for him. Katsuki let out a hum of approval as he deepened the kiss, why hadn’t he done this sooner? You couldn’t focus on anything other than how much Katsuki tasted like caramel, he didn’t taste like caramel in the dreams. You couldn’t help but whine when he pulled back. Another insistent tug on your hair had you tilting your head back, and Katsuki didn’t waste any time kissing over your neck. You were so lost in the feeling you almost missed the words he growled against your skin.

“You should know better, you’re mine. Other people shouldn’t be fucking touching you like that.”

“Do you think they’re like…. Finally-” Mina made a hand gesture that had Denki cackling, even Kiri cracked a smile.

“I hope so, it’s getting hard to watch all the back and forth.” Sero sighed, dropped his pen, and stretched.

“Yeah, have you seen how mad Bakubro gets though? It’s pretty fun to push his buttons like this!” Denki grinned as he leaned his head on Mina’s shoulder, and she wrapped her arm around his waist.

“I don’t know… Bakugo’s uh… stubborn, to put it nicely.”

“Your scent is weird… are you wearing a different perfume?” Mina leaned her head on your shoulder, arms wrapped around your waist as you glanced at Katsuki. After whatever the fuck had happened in your room, he’d gone back to acting like he hated you, so, you’d kept letting Denki and Mina do whatever they wanted. He had his eyes fixated on the work, and you turned back to Mina with a smile.

“Oh, sorry about that! I forgot to refill my scent blockers and my doctor’s not available until next week.”

“Don’t be sorry, bro! It’s nice, like really, really nice!” Denki came up behind you, throwing a quick glance at Katsuki before he leaned forward, crooning and rubbing his cheek over your scent gland, Mina doing the same a moment later. The pen Katsuki was holding snapped, his angry scent pumping out in waves as he glared daggers into the book in front of him, all too aware of you laughing.

You were hyper-aware of how strong your scent was, this was the longest you’d gone without scent blockers since you’d presented, and you’d lit a scented candle to try and cover it up. It hadn’t really worked, maybe you should light some incense-

“Y/n! Sorry we’re early!” Mina’s hand on your shoulder broke you from your thoughts, and you shook your head before you smiled. Denki cut you off before you could apologize about your scent.

“Damn Y/n! It smells like you baked cookies- oh my god did you bake-”

“Don’t be stupid, babe, it’s just their scent.” Mina shoved him inside, shaking her head as she followed and closed the door behind her.

“Oh! Of course!” Denki nodded, and he and Mina linked arms with you. They walked you over to the couch and sat you all down with grins on their faces.

“Uh… guys-?” You didn’t trust that look, it never leads to anything good.

“Well, since the project is like, 99.5% done-” Mina started, hand coming up to play with your hair.

“We thought we deserved a reward!” Denki interrupted, reaching into his bag and producing a blunt. You felt your own grin forming.

“Oh my god- is that from-”

“Shinso! You know he sells the best stuff on campus, I decided to splurge for my bros!” Denki looked incredibly pleased with himself, and you couldn’t help but tackle the blonde in a hug.

“Oh my god Denki, you’re the best!”

The three of you were blazed by the time the others got there. Sero happily bounced over to share the blunt, while Katsuki and Kiri just sighed and sat down with you. Katsuki’s eyes instantly zoned in on where you were lying on Mina and Denki on the couch. He was oddly silent as he tried to keep his cool, the nagging thoughts that had always been there slowly got stronger. He’d always had to be strong, people perceived him as weak just because of his dynamic, so he’d rejected the thought of being with an alpha, hoping for a beta or omega. Or you. You never made a big deal out of your dynamic, and always treated him as an equal. Then the dreams started. He loved you, he really did! But his whole reputation would go down the drain if he was claimed by an alpha, especially one with such a weak scent and mild presence. So…. he pretended to hate you in public because the two of you had your dreams, where nobody could judge him! Even if they did pale in comparison to real life. But lately… he couldn’t stop wondering… were you getting tired of waiting? With the way you were acting… the thought made his stomach turn and his canines come out. Especially since you had run out of blockers. Your scent getting stronger and stronger as the days went by. You were his alpha! You shouldn’t be scenting other people! Especially omegas! And you certainly shouldn’t be laying on them while you were ignoring him! You hadn’t even said hello to him! You were too busy getting high with those assholes like you didn't belong to him! You were his, it wasn’t fair!

Mina was the last out of the apartment. She kissed your cheek and winked at you as the door closed. The exhaustion set in as you leaned against the door.

“What the fuck was that?” Katsuki growled and made you startled when you saw him by the table. You only shrugged as you went to pack up the stuff on the couch.

“Denki got us some weed because the project was done-”

“Not that, dickhead! They were all over you!” He marched over to you, trying to ignore how good you smelled up close.

“And? We’re not-” You responded, and Katsuki was shoving you before he realized, ignoring the way you yelped as you fell on the couch. You sprawled on your back and glaring up at him.

“Katsuki! What the fuck!” Katsuki didn’t reply, eyes traveling over your vulnerable form. Flush rose to his face as he realized how provocative the position was, causing warmth to pool in his tummy. If kissing was so much better in reality, what would it be like to be inside you? Feel you clench around him and pull his hair when he hit your sweet spot? Would your thighs shake the same in real life when he just kept going? The omega didn’t even realize his scent had changed, he just licked his lips and stared at you with hooded eyes, fuck he wanted-

“Are you okay? You zoned out.” Fuck, when had you gotten up? You were so close now, your scent overwhelming. He never wanted you to go on blockers again.

“Fuck, Katsuki! Katsuki! Are you in heat?” It finally dawned on you. Katsuki’s scent had taken on a sweeter tone it didn’t usually have, and with the way he kept zoning out, it was obvious. Plus thoughts of him on top of you that wouldn’t leave your brain alone. Your question snapped him out of his daze, and the omega snarled at you, stepping back and stumbling when a jolt of pain went through him.

“Fuck off, like you could trigger-” His voice cut off as another wave of pain went through him, causing you to reached out to steady him without thinking. The omega was going to let out a growl but it quickly changed to a whine as it escaped his mouth. You pulled your hand back like it had burned, although your mate’s temperature was so high it wasn’t out of the question. You took two steps back and froze when a feral snarl ripped through the room, dark red eyes pinning you in your place.

“He-hey Katsuki…” Your voice stopped his growling, and it took every ounce of self-control you had to stay coherent as he advanced, your rut already trying to cloud your judgment. Your eyes darted around the room, maybe you could make it to the bathroom? Then Katsuki could ride out his heat and you could talk about it? yeah. Katsuki was only a foot away from you now, the grin he had on was somehow more unsettling than the snarl, and you shook your head to get some of your resolve back. Okay, three, two, one-

You made it maybe ten centimeters before Katuski caught you, and pushed you back down on the couch. He wasted no time sitting on your lap and tilting your face up to look into his eyes.

“You’re not getting away from me, Alpha. I know you want this. I should have done this months ago.” Sincerity shone through your omega’s lidded eyes, and you felt your small shred of resolve shrink away even more. Your hands flew to his chest to push him away.

“Ka-Katsuki it’s just- just your heat, you don’t mean-“

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t mean, alpha.” Katsuki was back to growling at you. His hands grabbed your wrists, pinned them down, and used his knees to keep them in place. He went back to cupping your face, red eyes boring into yours as he thought of what to say and a growl leaving him whenever you dared to look away. You were so, so obnoxiously pretty, it made it even harder to focus. Katsuki kept getting distracted by little details, like how your eyes shone and you kept biting your lip.

“You’re so fuckin stupid, ya know that? Of course, I fuckin want you, you’re my alpha- I don’t… I don’t care what other people think anymore, I just want you.” Katsuki’s tone was softer than you expected, and you could only gape at him as a blush quickly rose to your face. You knew he didn’t hate you, but hearing him say that lifted a weight off your shoulders you’d been carrying for who knows how long. The moment passed, all the softness went away as Katsuki leaned down to kiss you, and this time you kissed him back without any reservations.

#bnha #Bakugo x reader #omegaverse #bnha omegaverse #bnha x reader #omega Bakugo #alpha reader #reader insert #omegaverse imagine #bnha imagine

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

Text

Church (Choi San) Rated

Pairing: Choi San × Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, College AU, Friends to Enemies(?), Enemies to Lovers (?)

Summary: He used to be her best friend until he abandoned not only his childhood beliefs, but her in the process. One night, he decides to show her a glimpse of what she's been missing out on. Inspired by Chase Atlantic's Church .

Word Count: 6.3+K

Warnings: Mentions of religious beliefs, brazen college parties, allusions to alcohol/nicotine intake, body insecurity (reader has small breasts), oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, body worship/praise, slight cumplay, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (always use protection), slight corruption kink, inexperienced reader, experienced San. (Probably forgot something)

Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @galaxteez @brie02 @deja-vux @a-soft-hornytiny @multidreams-and-desires @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie

╬╬═════════════╬╬

The infamous rebel let out a pernicious snicker when he saw the serene and usually proper former acquaintance walk in his direction.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is that really the pastor's prissy little daughter out past her bedtime in a college party?" He found the situation much too amusing that he just had to point it out.

"I have a name you know." The female he was referring to halted in her steps to turn her head and give him an unkind and unfriendly look.

"You have several, actually. There's goody two shoes, priss, prude, prig-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Choi San." She scoffed as she began walking away from him, already feeling annoyed by his presence.

The man trailed after her, his face donning a shocked expression as he flailed his arms around in a dramatic way.

"Guys it's happening! The apocalypse is really here if L/N Y/N has not only attended a wild party full of debauchery, but her mouth has actually uttered out cursed words!" He shouted out, the other attendants either joining in laughing at her or ignoring him in favor of the bottles or sticks in their fingers.

"I'm surprised you even know what that word means." She turned to look at him with a mocking smile, arms crossed over her chest.

"Please, I know a lot more than you have ever pretended to know." He clicked his tongue, elbow coming up to rest on the wall next to him.

"Is that why you turnt corrupt and abandoned everything you believe in?" She couldn't help but spat back at him.

"Hey at least I was honest and didn't hide it like you people who lead double lives. Preaching one thing but living the total opposite. You're all nothing but a bunch of hypocrites." The venom in his voice was unmistakable, nose scrunching up in disgust as he remembered gross sins he had more often than not had witnessed from people who claimed to be pure and holy.

"I do not lead a double life." She remarked.

"Oh really? Then why the hell are you here in a college party? Full of alcohol, drugs and walking STDs? Riddle me that princess." His foot tapped against the floor, patiently awaiting an answer from her.

Y/N swallowed the non existent lump in her throat and turned her gaze to the floor in embarrassment.

"I just wanted to see what it was like. Just once." She admitted begrudgingly, the man in front of her chuckling lowly.

"Well you sure are going to have a lot to confess on Sunday to your dad. Silly girl, walking into the lion's pit like this." He jeered at her.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because I came here doesn't mean I've done anything morally wrong." She counteracted his words to which he only snorted.

"Yet."

Tired of his overly obnoxious attitude, Y/N spun on her heel to get away from him, but she spun so carelessly and fast that she ended up bumping into another classmate who unfortunately was holding a full cup of beer that ended up being doused all over her white blouse.

"Oops! Sorry, my bad." He excused himself, looking completely unapologetic about the situation.

Meanwhile Y/N looked absolutely horrified as she took in the drenched state of her shirt that now had the stench of alcohol on it. The fact San was bursting out in giggles only served to make her even more mad.

"Now tell me how do you plan on explaining that to dear old-"

"Can it San or I swear I'll gauge your eyes out." She threatened him as she stormed out the building, not caring that she bumped into a few figures on her way out.

Feeling just a bit of empathy for his old friend, San sighed softly before following after her. Upon catching up to her, he took hold of her wrist and started dragging her in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Get your filthy hands off me! I will not hesitate to scream!" She tried tugging her arm away.

"Calm down I'm not planning on kidnapping or anything like that sweetheart. I'm taking you back to my car."

She let out a dry laugh at that.

"But that's not kidnapping?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I have a spare shirt in the backseat that you can change into. Unless you wanna go home smelling like PBR." He looked back to see the mess one more time, lips curling up into a smirk.

Against her better judgment, she allowed him to take her all the way where his car was parked, standing there quietly as San rummaged through the backseat before taking out a clean plain white tshirt and held it out to her.

"Here. Put it on."

She looked at him with a face that asked if he was stupid.

"Well what?" He asked.

"Oh yes..I'm totally going to strip in a middle of the street and let anyone passing by see." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh for fuck's sake, there's nobody here, nobody is going to see and frankly I don't think anyone cares about seeing your non existent boobs." He scorned at her as he gestured to her chest.

"Ok rude and uncalled for." She felt slightly hurt by his comment, having always been somewhat insecure about the size of her chest.

"Don't look." She warned him.

"Not like I want to." He jeered at her as he turned away to not only give her privacy, but to also serve as a lookout for anyone that might accidentally show up and see the scene. He could hear her behind him tearing off her clothes and then slipping it back on.

"Ok there. I'm done." Y/N announced as she stuffed the soiled shirt into her bag.

"Not even a thank you?" San pouted slightly, to which Y/N gave a feigned smile.

"Thanks."

With that said and done, she brushed past him and started walking away, absolutely done with the night.

"Careful not to get caught sneaking back inside your house." She heard San say from behind.

"For your information I'm not living with them anymore. I moved into the dorms 2 months ago." She stated in a matter of factly, a proud look on her face.

"Well in that case....want to ride back with me?" He offered.

"Yeah no, I'd rather take my chances at being kidnapped and then butchered up. Besides, I wouldn't want to cut your wild night short." She declined the offer.

"Stop being so negative Nancy and accept my generosity. Geez."

Running over to her, he quickly snatched her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her shocked exclaims and protests.

"Now this is really kidnapping!" She declared.

"Yeah I know, now shut up before I duct tape that bratty mouth of yours." San grinned mischievously as he tossed her into the backseat and shut the door before striding over to get on the driver's seat.

"Oh come on. Stop looking at me like I'm a criminal. Just because I indulge in a few sins every now and then, doesn't make me into a bad person." He stated when he saw the dirty look she gave him.

"Whatever." She muttered as she locked in her seatbelt.

San opted for just driving back to the dorms and get Y/N tucked in her bed since it was clear to him she needed it.

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"You're lucky my roommate is on vacation, otherwise I would have left your ass back there." Y/N spewed out as she threw her keys onto her dresser.

"Thanks Y/N, I always said you were the nicest and most giving person in the planet." San complimented her as he felt he should given she was letting him stay the night in her dorm after a little tiny incident with his keys dropping inside one of the manholes surrounding the university. And the administration office wouldn't be open til the morning, meaning he was screwed unless his roommate showed up to let him in, but that was a definite no since San knew Seonghwa would definitely end up in someone else's bed and come back til the next day, hickeys plastered all over his neck and chest.

"No, you always said I was the most stuck up-"

San shushed her by pressing a hand over her mouth.

"You dwell so much on the present image of me you drew up in your head that you completely erased the friend you had all those years ago." He slid his hand off her mouth, shoulders slumping down as he turned away from her to crouch on the floor.

"That friend doesn't exist anymore, that is if he even existed in the first place. If I recall, my friend wasn't into parties, booze, vaping, tattoos, piercings and fucking around with every whore in the school."

San didn't say anything as he heard her ramble, he just let her talk away as she started pulling out spare blankets and pillows for him to use.

"My Sannie was sweet, cute, adorable, always ready to lend people help and respectful to others." She reminisced with a sad look. Pulling her expression straight, she laid out the blankets and started arranging them neatly on the floor.

"I still am."

San's voice was so quiet that she barely registered that he even opened his mouth in the first place, but she heard him.

"Maybe if you weren't so puffed up with pride and didn't cut me off after I cut ties with the church, you'd see that I'm still the way I was. You think I changed completely because of ink and metal on my body? Because I wanted to try certain substances and yes, satisfy some perfectly normal and humane needs?"

Y/N averted her gaze from him and continued the task she was in. San let out a despondent scoff.

"Of course you do. And yet didn't I just demonstrate to you back there that I haven't changed? Giving you my shirt, giving you a ride, yeah I know, it's not much and no big deal, but wasn't those the types of things I'd do even back then?"

Y/N's tongue poked against her cheek as she knew she couldn't deny that was San said was absolutely true. He did nothing different back at the party as he used to do years ago. Helping old ladies with grocery bags, giving away some of his clothes to less fortunate kids, he was always known as being such a giving and kind person.....

No wonder so many were devastated when it was announced he had resigned as a member of the church. Y/N herself was hurt and even indignated by his decision. And after that she adamantly refused to see him or talk to him, and of course San respected her decision and avoided contacting her so as to not make her uncomfortable. He understood that their friendship was broken and he wasn't going to overstep boundaries just to try and fix it when the other party didn't want it. So he just decided to live his life as he thought was right without his conscience bothering him. And he was much happier now, he felt free, something that he had never felt before. Perhaps he was so chained down by formality, discipline, strict regulations and even fear that he didn't realize that he was miserable all that time until his eyes were fully open and he found he didn't like what he saw, especially after seeing the dark and ugly side of what was supposed to be a safe and pure sanctuary. He was let down severely and he suffered in the process. But now that was behind him and he had no regrets......

Except Y/N. He truly missed her and her company. As he laid on the makeshift bed on the floor, he found himself unable to sleep as he recalled all those fond times spent with her. The trips to the lake, hiking, first day of school, their first accident after he had gotten his driver's license. He let out an involuntary smile at that memory. Unbeknownst to him, the girl on her bed was equally reminiscing on the old days filled with her best friend. She had been so alone ever since she distanced herself from him, the world now feeling empty and cold without him. Shifting around in her bed, she whined into her pillow as she desperate tried to sleep.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" Her question startled San momentarily.

"Are you that sleep deprived that you're suddenly asking me to confess my worst sins?" He chuckled amusedly.

"Maybe it'll help me get actual sleep, I don't know. And.... I'm just curious." She clutched one of her plushies and started messing around with it.

"Curiosity killed the cat and I don't think your virgin mind will be able to handle my confession." He asserted confidently.

"I'm not a virgin, but oh well. Just tell me, what's the worst?" Her casual response made San flip out. He sat upright and kneeled at the front of her bed with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean you're not a virgin? When did you-?" He was so flabbergasted he wouldn't even finish his sentence.

Rolling over to where he was, Y/N smirked at him.

"Uh uh. I asked you a question first and you have to answer it before I can answer any you want."

Knowing he had no alternative, San placed his chin on the top of her mattress.

"Had a threesome with 2 of our professors." He laughed when he saw how shocked Y/N looked.

"What?! No way!" She refused to believe him.

"It's true. I won't tell you who they were since you won't be able to look at them the same way if I did...... I'll just dish this: they both got really huge tits and it's a shame they're married." He admitted with a smug expression.

"I can't believe you." She fanned her face which she was sure was now a deep crimson color.

"Ok now your turn. When did this happen? Who was it with?"

Y/N didn't even mind that San got up and crawled into her bed to lay down next to her. His face was rested on his hands as he looked at her with intense inquisitiveness. Knowing she'd have to talk about it sooner or later, she thought it would be best if San was the one to know since he would never tell anyone else and he'd understand since he was tainted as well.

"Remember when that group of missionaries came to stay over at our city for a while back in high school?"

San nodded, vividly remembering everything. Y/N blushed and smiled shyly.

"Do you remember that there was a family with a son our age? Chase?"

San widened his eyes and flopped over on his back as his hands came to hide his face.

"Oh dear lord, please don't tell me it was that Canadian boy." He groaned in pain.

"Yeah....yeah it was."

San couldn't stop cringing at the thought of his friend doing such a thing.

"How even did that happen?" He was so lost.

"I don't know! It just did ok? It happened while we were out in that camping trip. Somewhere there, we were left alone and we started talking about everything and nothing til it spiraled into talking about sex and us being virgins decided to see what was the big deal....." She bit her lower lip as the memory flashed in her mind. Looking over at San, she knew he was judging her as she expected. A tiny snort escaped his lips.

"That must have been the worst 45 seconds of your life." He joked, earning him a slap on his chest by Y/N's hand.

"It was not 45 seconds!............. it was 2 minutes."

San only laughed harder at that, nearly crying from how funny it was to him. He composed himself though when he saw how embarrassed Y/N looked about it. Feeling bad for laughing at her expense, he cleared his throat and patted her head.

"It's ok. First times are always awkward and uncomfortable. The problem was you weren't prepared and you were both inexperienced. He just didn't know how to please you."

Y/N couldn't help herself as she asked:

"And I suppose you can?"

Flipping onto his stomach, San cupped her chin with his hand and ran his thumb across her lower lip.

"Don't tread on dangerous territory little angel lest you want an evil demon to corrupt you." He warned her, and although he wouldn't actually follow through on it, he did want to tease her a little. But he wasn't expecting for Y/N to play along to his teasing, only she was not joking at all as she brought her face closer to his.

"Maybe I want you to corrupt me, show me what I've been missing out on." She brushed her lips against his, tongue daring to poke out and press on his slit briefly, leaving him stunned.

"You have no idea what you're asking for princess." San mused as he held himself back from touching her.

"I know what I'm asking for Choi San and what I'm asking for....is you." She responded with confidence.

Escaping from underneath the blanket that covered her, Y/N reclined back on the mattress, her head laying on her soft pillow as she gestured for San to come over to her, which he promptly did. Parting her legs so he could fit his body between them, he smirked softly down at her eagerness, fingers brushing against the soft skin on her thighs.

"You're serious about this?" He wanted to make sure it wouldn't be something she'd regret.

"I already messed up once, what's one more time gonna do?" She pulled him down against her, not caring when he lost balance and accidentally crushed her under him with his muscular body.

"Besides...." Wanting to further entice him, Y/N brushed her lips against his ear.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want to fuck me. That you don't want to stuff that hard cock of yours into my tight and inexperienced pussy. Bet you're itching to tear into me until I'm crying under you. Don't you want that?"

San let out a moan at hearing such filthy and depraved talk from her. It only fueled his appetite and hunger for indulging in carnal desires.

"Yes... I want that.... I want you."

Closing space between them, San molded his lips over hers, encasing them in a sloppy and wet kiss. Y/N could faintly make out the leftover scent of alcohol and nicotine as she let him taste her mouth, but she didn't mind or felt grossed out by it. She just kept her lips parted and allowed him to move his tongue freely inside her. Cupping her cheeks, San continued to roll his tongue over hers, massaging it gently with both deep yet gentle strokes. When he pulled away, he made sure to tuck her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling it towards him as Y/N let out a moan that was like music to his ears. Pausing briefly, their lips were barely touching as they breathed in each other's air. San was the first one to break into a smile, the one that had Y/N melting since it displayed his dimples to the fullest.

"Never thought I'd hear that sound come out of your pretty mouth." He teased her.

"S-shut up." She frowned, hand reaching up to smack his chest.

"It's not a bad thing. I like it. Now let's see if I can make sure you keep them up."

Stuffing his face into her neck, San ghosted his lips across her skin, tongue subtly poking out solely to hear her breath hitch slightly. Dipping his tongue into her collarbone, his lips opened up so they could firmly latch and spread wet kisses across her neck. Y/N gasped when she felt teeth sink down, head tilting back to give San more room which he took advantage of. Focusing on particular spots that he knew she was sensitive in, he sucked her skin into his mouth. Each time he pulled away, he reveled when he saw the finished mark that was now painted on her skin.

"I would love to see your parent's reaction to my love bites." He brushed a fingers across the newest spot he just embedded in her body, hand then reaching up to suddenly clasp around her neck. Y/N shuddered when his grip got tighter, her oxygen intake getting cut and making her feel hazy, but it was nonetheless enjoyable. Snaking a hand under her shirt, or more like his shirt, San swiped his tongue over his bottom lip as he started to pull the material up.

"How about I make some matching ones all across your pretty chest?"

Before he could lift the shirt any further, Y/N's hand clasped around his wrist, preventing him from moving any further.

"Don't." She begged him.

San retracted his hands away from her, fearing he made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He immediately apologized and began to move away from her, but Y/N's hands raked against his thighs to keep him in place.

"No, it's not you. It's just..... if we're going to do this, can I keep the shirt on? I don't...." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she admitted an insecurity of hers.

"I don't like my chest. My boobs are too small, it's unflattering and I'd rather you not see them." She slowly opened her eyes to see his reaction. San had a sad look on his face, bottom lip poking out as his fingers came up to brush against her cheek. Remembering what he had previously said back in the parking loyal, he felt terrible for saying that ill intended joke about her body. He probably hurt her and he didn't realize it.

"Y/N don't say that. Your chest size doesn't matter. You're beautiful the way you are and I bet underneath that layer is clothing there is the cutest and most adorable set of boobs in the world." She let out an involuntary giggle at his words, letting him run his hand down her clothed sternum.

"But if that's what you want, I'll respect it. Either way, my tshirt looks amazing on you." He acknowledged rather cockily.

Shifting further back, San took hold of the top of her shorts, making sure to look at her.

"Are you ok with these coming off?"

Y/N resisted the temptation to slap the top of his head.

"If you don't take them off, how are you going to fuck me genius?" She retorted.

"You'd be surprised at what I've learned." He uttered, mostly to himself than at her.

Like an expert, he practically tore her shorts down her legs, panties falling to the floor along with them. Y/N let out a soft squeal when he took hold of her thighs and brought her down so his face was at eye level with her most intimate part. San took a few seconds to admire her bare mound, lips parted and threatening to start drooling all over her thighs. Pressing both thumbs against each one is her lips, San pried her folds open, staring intently as he now clearly saw all of her.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna need to prep you real good. I can tell you're going to be really tight."

She wanted to ask him what he meant by prep, but her words got caught in her throat when she felt his tongue delve into her core. She had never felt someone's mouth anywhere near her folds and she regretted not having experienced it before. Her eyes shut tight as she marveled at the sensation of San's tongue lapping at her bud, his lips making sure to enclose all around the flesh surrounding it before giving it gentle suckles. Shaky breaths blew out from her mouth, her legs wanting to close themselves around San's head but his firm grip on her thighs kept it from happening. He kept her knees pinned to the bed as his mouth continued to ravish at her taste, sloppily consuming her heat fervently. Her mind was so occupied in what he was doing that she didn't register the hand that slowly crept away from her thigh until she felt something poke at her entrance.

"Oh-" She gasped, opening her eyes to see what was going on.

"Relax princess. It's just my finger.....for now." He momentarily pulled off her heat to let her know what was happening before diving back in to continue his task of eating her out.

His finger inside her felt a little weird at first, sliding in slowly before pulling out only to plunge itself back into her. During one of those times where she expected him to slide back in, she was surprised when she felt herself being stretched out as San curled a second finger inside her. Keeping them lodged there, he began scissoring them alternatively so he could further spread her walls apart. During one of those movements, his fingertips brushed along her hood, making her hips slightly jolt up into San's face, who smiled against her folds as he now knew exactly where to angle his hips for later. Using this new knowledge, that was probably unbeknownst to Y/N, he slipped his fingers deeper into her, knuckles deep as he moved his tips rhythmically on the the spot he found. Y/N's mouth fell wide open into an 'O' as whiny gasps and airy moans poured out of it. San's mouth latched to her clit and his fingers working deep in her hole was producing a stirring in the lower pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite make out. But it felt good, especially since it continued to grow more and more, almost as if it was a cord about to snap.

"San- wait. I feel, I feel-" She couldn't finish her sentence as her body trembled slightly, a flood of overwhelming pleasure washing over her that was prolonged by San drinking up the juices that spilled forth out of her body. He didn't pull away until he made sure to swallow every drop she had to give.

"Aren't you grossed out?" She asked him, always having wondered about that.

"Nope. I love licking girl's pussies, especially if they're as sweet as yours." He affirmed while pulling his shirt off his body.

Y/N turned her flustered face away from him, keeping her gaze locked on the wall to her right, which was decorated with several polaroids of her with her family, friends and members of her church, some of them even had San in them, back when they were inseparable. Before she could become nostalgic, a strong set of hands clutched her chin and teared her gaze away from the pictures, forcing her to stare at the now naked man in front of her.

"Forget about that for now. Right now I want your full attention on me and what we're about to do. After we're done, that image of a good girl you have will gone." His words seemed to almost taunt her.

Although she tried not to look, Y/N's eyes fell in between San's legs, filled with astonishment when she glimpsed for the very first time at her former friend's member, fully erect and leaking at the tip as it awaited to be hugged by her warm walls.

"Like it? Maybe later I'll let you play with it." San giggled when her eyes shot up at him in surprise.

Placing himself to hover above her, he hummed lowly as he slowly stuffed himself inside her, working her open until he was fully nestled inside her warmth. Although she felt a light burn scraping against her inner walls, it wasn't unpleasant or painful like her first time. She could tell San knew exactly what he was doing as he began rolling his hips. Perfectly recalling exactly where to aim at, he made sure to angle his thrusts accordingly so each time he pushed back in, he'd hit her pleasure spot.

"Oh God-" Y/N exclaimed when he continued to brushed against the hood of her core.

"Really think it's a good idea to call out the good lord's name when I'm balls deep inside your pussy?" He asked with a malicious smirk plastered across his face.

"No baby. Tonight your only lord is me."

Pinning her wrists above her head, San continued pushing his cock deeper into her. The harsh pounding of his hips against hers was becoming louder, their bodies starting to get heated and producing sweat. Y/N couldn't do anything but whimper and wrap her legs around San's waist, keeping him firmly locked to her body. She closed her eyes once more as she felt the same familiar feeling from before start piling up, only it felt more intense and stronger probably due to the fact that she was getting railed to her bed by her ex best friend, whom she still cared about deeply. She was definitely not planning on making up with him this way, but holy hell, she couldn't deny that he was making her feel so many emotions at once. Pleasure, lust, satisfaction, happiness, euphoria, love? Perhaps that last one was definitely a stretch, but she blamed her confused thoughts on how well his cock was abusing her hole. She felt unable to focus on anything except him.

"Clenching so hard around me babygirl. Are you gonna cum all over my cock?"

Slipping one hand in between their bodies, San pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing it back and forth so it would serve as an extra push to tip her over the edge. Y/N splayed her hands on San's lower back, nails raking against his skin, causing him to hiss.

"Fuck- am I seriously making you feel that good babygirl?" He knew for a fact he was feeling absolutely amazing, her tight warmth gripping along his shaft, making it hard for him to hold back much longer.

"Mmm yeah." She shamelessly moaned.

"Am I better than your first?" Although he already knew the answer, he still wanted to feed his ego and hear her say it.

"So much better! It feels so fucking good." She inhaled sharply when that she began to feel the sensation from before. With even louder cries from before, her body shook underneath San's, blood rushing to her head as an even greater orgasm coursed through her body. She was left speechless, a full on panting mess even after San had pulled out of her after helping her ride out her high.

"Oh geez. Shit." San's voice rasped out as he jerked himself off, his cum painting her thighs white, not stopping until he had finished coating them with everything he had to give.

Looking down at the mess, Y/N couldn't suppress a tiny giggle, one of her hands clasping over her mouth while the other picked up some of his cum and spread it between her fingers.

"Having fun there?" San grinned, finding her fascinated gaze to be completely adorable to him.

"Yeah.." She said as sat up to get a better look at the cum around her thighs.

"Well I was going to clean it off you, but seeing as you're so entertained by it, I'll just leave you with it."

Not forgetting that he was merely a guest, San slid himself off her bed and plopped his tired body onto the blankets on the floor. Closing his eyes, he was thinking he would finally be able to sleep, but he found his plans thwarted when he felt a pair of hands graze across his chest. Looking up, he found Y/N straddling his lap, biting down on her lower lip as she grinded her wet folds along his softened dick which was now becoming hard again thanks to her.

"What in the world are you doing you crazy girl?" He sucked in a breath, not expecting her to suddenly pounce on him.

"I wanna try that again." She pleaded, grinding her hips harder on him.

"Oh my- did I accidentally turn you into a nymphomaniac?" She chuckled at his joke and although he groaned as if he was frustrated, he obliged to her wishes and sat up.

Clasping her waist with his hands, he lifted her up and guided her so she could easily sink herself down on his length. Not letting go, he slowly rolled his hips up, burying himself deep in her body once more. Since they were both still riled up from their previous session, it didn't take long for both of them to start spewing out a clutter of moans and grunts as they once again get lost in a mist of lust that clouded their minds. San drunk up every expression on Y/N's face. Every twitch of her facial muscles, every shuddering breath she exhaled, each time her eyelids shut close, he marveled at seeing her enjoy the experience. He loved seeing her indulge in such an intimate practice with him, more so given how special she was to him, one of the most important people in his life aside from his family. Looking down at her torso, his fingers brushed along the hem of her shirt.

"Please...." His urging caught her attention.

"Please let me see all of you. I want to admire every inch of you and your beautiful body. I promise I won't laugh or judge. I just want to worship you."

Y/N hesitated briefly, still afraid to let him see what was hidden under the shirt.

"It's ok if you don't want to. I won't force you." He shot a kind smile at her as he focused back on making sure to drive his cock up into her.

Feeling safe and knowing she could trust her lifelong friend whom she thought of as a soulmate at one point, Y/N reached for the bottom of her shirt and peeled it off her body. Coming face to face with her bare chest, San groaned in ecstasy as he slid his hands up her body.

"Just as I predicted, you have very cute breasts."

Pulling her chest to his face, he opened his mouth and took one of her nipples in it, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. Y/N's fingers raked themselves through his hair, harshly tugging them when she felt his teeth sink themselves into her flesh.

"Aren't they too small?" She inquired.

Letting go of her breast with an audible pop, San cupped her chin.

"No baby, they're absolutely perfect. They're gorgeous, just like every other part of your body. You're gorgeous, absolutely stunning and holy fuck, you're driving me insane honestly." He confessed, his mouth diving into her other breast so it wouldn't feel left out from being tenderly kissed and sucked on.

His words sunk deep in Y/N's heart. He really did found her beautiful, attractive and it spurred something in her. Feeling a newfound passion, Y/N unconsciously began taking over their movements. Pushing against his thrusts, she began to set her own pace, rutting herself on top of his dick. San of course took notice and was happy about it.

"Oh wanna take over now baby? Well go ahead."

Laying back down on the floor, his eyes stared up at her with lust.

"Fuck yourself on me darling."

Encouraged by him, Y/N began bouncing herself on his cock. Finding an angle that she liked, she sunk down on his length over and over, her head thrown back as she used his body to push her down another spiral of immense pleasure. San just relaxed and admired the way she lost herself and gave into her deepest desires. He loved the way she rode his cock, and he loved feeling her walls tighten once more around his shaft.

"Oh shit- Sannie." She cried out his name as she quivered on top of him, her juices spilling out onto his cock once more.

Knowing fully well she was probably aching between her thighs, San gripped her hips and helped her ride out her climax so the feeling she was going through wouldn't go away just yet. He made sure to be gentle, easing her up and down his cock with absolute tenderness. Once he knew she was satisfied, he pulled her of him and set her down on the floor before sitting up above her body. Just like before, he took hold of his cock and began pumping his cum out of his body, plastering it all across her inner thighs and even splattering some on her stomach. Looking up, Y/N had the same giggly expression as before.

"Does my cum really make you burst into a fit of giggles?" He questioned her.

"I can't help it. It's just... I don't know. Maybe it's the fact it's so dirty and wrong, and then to have you spread it all over my body." She explained, which made San chuckle.

"Maybe I should baptize your thighs with my cum more often." Although he was joking, Y/N was more than willing to take him up on that offer.

"Will you?" She looked up at him with puppy eyes.

San studied her for a moment, before a wicked idea popped in his brain.

"How about you let me baptize and stain that pretty face of yours?"

Getting a hint of what he meant, Y/N got up on her knees while San stood up right in front of her, cock in hand as he brought it up to her lips.

"I hope you weren't planning on going to morning services tomorrow because I'm going to keep you up til morning until your knees hurt."

804 notes · View notes

elysianslove · 3 years

Text

secret relationship; tsukishima kei, tanaka ryūnosuke, yamamoto taketora

requested by anon(s); their respective teams finding out about their relationships

pairings; tsukishima kei x reader, tanaka ryūnosuke x fem!reader, yamamoto taketora x fem karasuno manager!reader

genre; fluff

warnings; none! (maybe a few curse words)

note; i’m so sorry tsukki’s so much longer than the other two oh my

tsukishima kei

━━ in your defense, neither of you had heard the blaring alarm, and supposedly, no one else in his home had either. after having unintentionally lost track of time with your boyfriend the night prior that it had gotten a little too late for you to head home safely, you’d agreed to kei’s suggestion to spend the night, and fell asleep in his arms. that wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary. you couldn’t count on ten fingers the nights you’d spent at his home, waking up with your limbs tangled with his, despite the fact that he insisted cuddling was his least favorite thing to do. missing the alarm is what’s unusual. kei’s not the heaviest of sleepers, evident in the way he nearly tramples you every night, suffocating you to him and restricting your movements. the fact that he hadn’t heard it, and had left to ring annoyingly loud until it gave up was confusing enough.

this wouldn’t pose as much of an issue if it weren’t for your situation. on the contrary, really; you loved nothing more than waking up at the hour you desire, kei still sound asleep by you. he always looked a lot calmer, a lot less tense, his mind a little quieter. his arms were caging you in, giving you enough freedom to tilt your head back and admire him, as his chest rose and fell gently, as his eyes fluttered lightly with the remnants of a dream. in the quiet of his room, you wondered what those golden irises could see.

but of course, a sleepy, fuzzy, lovesick brain wasn’t a luxury for long, and the blurriness began to slip away, just as reality began catching up. your mind began to process the time that the clock that hung opposite you read (too late in the afternoon), then the day of the week (sunday, practice day), then, the cherry on top of the cake — the sound of heavy footsteps, too many footsteps, loud, familiar voices. and finally, the fact that you weren’t supposed to be where you were: in kei’s bed.

you’d encountered his — friends on countless occasions, just never as his significant other. at first, it had left you slightly insecure, wondering if kei was somehow ashamed of you, embarrassed to be tied to you. eventually, however, you’d figured that it hadn’t been shame or embarrassment. he’s just a private person, and if anything, it’s possessiveness: the desire to keep you and all that you are to himself. not that he’d ever have to share once you were exclusive to his teammates, but it’s more that he also wants the idea and thought of you secret. he wants to luxury of calling you his to be private, just something he can enjoy. and maybe you liked the thrill of it too, seeing as you’d agreed, for the time being. you liked the rushed kisses in fear of getting caught, and the secret glances he’d offer you during school hours, and the way he held your hand beneath the table for no one but you to know about. you liked it, and you respected his wishes.

when the footsteps drew closer, you realized just how screwed you are, and it would mean a lot worse for you to be caught slipping away through the window than to be caught in bed, so you lean up, hugging yourself tighter to him, and bring your lips by kei’s ear. shaking him slightly, you whisper, “baby, wake up. the boys are here.”

kei rustles around, blinking slightly, before huffing and wrapping his arms tighter around you, burying his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling incoherently.

you stifle a laugh at his clingy reaction, wishing that this was somehow being recorded. with laughter behind your tone, you repeat your words, shaking him harsher. “kei,” you drawl, whining. “kei, we’re gonna get caught.”

he only mumbles again, breath hot on your neck.

“tsukki! tsukki!”

shit, nishinoya and tanaka were also here?

“kei, baby, you are going to be mortified when you wake up,” you warn, but nonetheless, you continue to hold him to you, bringing a hand up to his hair and sighing. “don’t kick me for trying to warn you.”

the door bursts open, followed by tanaka’s sing-song voice calling out for your boyfriend. he leads the way into the bedroom, head high and eyes closed, as him and three of kei’s teammates march in. he’s oblivious to your head peeking out beneath the crook of kei’s neck, until his eyes open, his hands faltering on his hips as he finally registers your face.

you grin up at him, fingers waving at him in greeting. “hey,” you call out cheekily.

tanaka freezes, head cocking to the side as he’s pushed away while the other three file in. as soon as nishinoya notices you, he clamps his hand over his mouth, his mouth wide with laughter and eyes lost in shock. yamaguchi’s face is tinted red, glance frozen at you, while sugawara, ever the sadist, laughs freely and loudly.

“so this is why he’s late?” tanaka yells in a hushed tone.

sugawara, still laughing, grabs his phone from his jacket’s pocket, switching to the camera app quickly and lifting it up to snap a photo. you throw up a peace sign.

“tsukki, you ass!” nishinoya shouts, leaping quickly onto the bed, forcing you and kei to shift suddenly. “get up, get up, get the fuck up!”

the boy in your arms groans, his eyes still shut tightly as he finally loosens his hold on you, rolling onto his back. a hand is lifted up to his face as he rubs away the sleep in his eyes, while nishinoya positions himself to stand directly above him, feet on either side of his hips as he leans down, peering straight at his face.

kei’s eyes finally open, hand falling to his side in search of yours as it always does, before he looks up, and spots nishinoya sporting the cheekiest of expressions. he sighs in preparation of the teasing to come, and exhales sharply.

“shit.”

sugawara is yet to stop laughing.

tanaka ryūnosuke

━━ “ryu, you’re late to practice.”

the boy in question shushes you quietly, hugging you tighter to him as he whispers out, “five more minutes,” lips brushing against the nape of your neck, down to your shoulder blades. your back is pressed to his bare chest, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. you rest a hand on that arm, stroking it gently as you try to wake him up.

with how the boys had been progressing with volleyball, practice hours had increased, and therefore quality time with ryu had decreased. there was a little voice in the back of your head egging him on, urging you to cuddle back into him and let him nuzzle into you more, the part of you that missed him, missed all of him. there was a more logical side of you that knew better, that acknowledged all the work and effort he’d put to get where he is today, and that didn’t want him to miss out any opportunity to grow, or to put all that effort to waste. so you sigh, gripping at his forearm tightly as you try to get away.

“come on, babe,” you whine, attempting desperately to try and get away from him.

“woah, ryu, you got a girl with you or something?”

you freeze. ryu freezes. the world stops.

that had definitely been nishinoya’s voice, there was no doubt about that. and it isn’t like the both of you had kept your relationship a secret from your mutual friends deliberately. it had just never came up in conversation. maybe they were just blind, honestly. there had been no hiding it: you held hands, you hugged him tight after every win, he walked you home after evening practice after school, you hung out during school all the time. so really, it isn’t your fault that no one put two and two together.

you’d just hoped it wouldn’t be in such a comprising situation. you don’t even have pants on.

“holy shit, you do— what the fuck!” your boyfriend’s teammates scream is piercing, and eardrum shattering. you wince at the sound, fingers tightening around ryu’s arm. once nishinoya processes what he’s seen, and who he’s seen, he storms outside of the bedroom, leaving the door ajar behind him, allowing you to listen in on his yells.

somehow, ryu’s still sleeping.

“you guys are not going to believe what i just saw,” you hear nishinoya calling out and — holy shit, was the whole team here? was he really that late to practice?

you manage to break free of ryu’s unrelenting grasp just as the footsteps group by your boyfriend’s bedroom door. they all walk in as you try and fix your bed hair, smiling weakly as one by one, they fill up the room. raising a hand, you sheepishly smile and wave, calling out a low, “morning everyone.”

looking to your left, you find ryu still sleeping. with the way hinata’s bouncing over to where the two of you lay, you doubt it’ll be for long. secret was meant to be outed at some point, wasn’t it?

yamamoto taketora

━━ as you and your team finally arrive at your destination, nekoma high, the bus comes to a stop, parking off to the side. immediately, the boys are jumping from their seats, eager to stretch their limbs and greet their long distance friends. you, kiyoko and yachi take your time in comparison to them, gathering all your things, stretching yourselves out. yachi and kiyoko are first to leave between the three of you, working on keeping your teammates in check and making sure none drift off, while you stay behind, checking in on the bus to make sure nobody left anything behind (which you’re glad you always do, because both hinata and kageyama had forgotten their phones). stepping off the bus, you raise your arms up in a stretch, bones cracking satisfyingly. you squint up at the sun as you sigh, hand coming up to shield yourself from it.

“shōyō, kags!” you call out, walking up to the group of boys huddled around each other, both nekoma and karasuno. “forget anything?” you place their phones in either hand, giving them playfully disapproving looks as they shamefully take it from you, red dusting their cheeks and a low sorry spilling from their lips. your expression twists into a cheerful one, and you wave them off.

as the herd of people begins to move, you plan on following, until you hear your name yelled out loudly, in a very distinct, familiar voice. excitement overtaking you, you turn the other way, dropping your bag to the ground and jumping into the awaiting of your arms of your long distance boyfriend.

“tora baby, i missed you!” you squeal, arms wrapping tight around his neck and legs around his waist, ankles hooked as he rocks you from side to side. he hugs you with just as much earnest, burying his face in your neck gratefully.

he hums by your ear, pressing a wet kiss to your neck as he says, “missed you more. more than you could ever imagine.”

you chuckle lightly to yourself, lifting your head up and leaning back to glance at him. “sap,” you tease, tilting your head closer.

“hey, you were the one that jumped into my arms,” he argues.

you quirk an eyebrow. “you were the one that yelled out my name and ran at me,” you retort. “like we’re in some sort of rom-com.” you’re rolling your eyes, but your heart’s beating unsteadily at the way he presses a chaste kiss to your lips. unwilling to continue your banter, having missed him, and missed kissing him too much to do so, you lift a hand to the nape of his neck and push his lips closer to yours, finally kissing him properly.

you’re not able to enjoy it for long, feeling a hand grab at the collar of your jacket on the back of your neck. it pulls at you until you break from the kiss, until you’re forced out of your boyfriend’s arms, and stumbling onto the ground back on your feet.

“have some decorum, manager,” daichi teases, and you roll your eyes, reaching out again for taketora.

he takes you into his arms easily, letting you rest your head on his chest, and wrapping your arms around his waist. “he’s just jealous that we’re in love,” he jokes, and you huff out a laugh, allowing him to steer you away from the small crowd, and towards the gym, leaving your boys and his teammates behind.

“am i the only one that’s like, shocked?” ennoshita breaks the silence.

“really? i’m more heartbroken,” nishinoya joins in, earning a smack from daichi.

tanaka breathes in steadily. “kiyoko-san, please don’t be next,” he pleads.

“tanaka-san, please stop being dramatic.”

#haikyuu x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukki x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tanaka x reader #tanaka ryunosuke x reader #yamamoto x reader #yamamoto taketora x reader

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

Text

Headcanon that everyone within the family may think of Dick as the one most in their father’s favor, but Dick is keenly aware that the general public thinks of him as their father’s ‘Consolation Prize.’

After all, when from their perspective he’s the one Bruce raised since he was eight as his ward, with that dissolving when he was eighteen and very little perceived contact between the two of them for years after that, while Jason was adopted soon after being taken in and Dick was then later adopted years after Jason’s death, without any public fanfare.....

What does that look like other than Bruce ‘settling’ for the son who didn’t appear to be his first choice, just chronologically first, once he lost Jason but still needed/wanted an heir, as he was getting older and the general public still didn’t know yet how closely tied Tim was to the family or that it wouldn’t be long after this that Bruce adopted him too?

Now granted, you can definitely perceive the above as overly angsty and not the only way this situation was likely to be perceived outside the family, but my point is more that like.....nobody ever presumes that the general public are overly kind or generous in their views or assumptions about the Wayne family behavior. I just don’t buy that people assumed there was some optimistic explanation for the way things appeared here, or that people just went “oh its probably because the kid who grew up in that house the longest just doesn’t WANT to be adopted by the billionaire and have all the security that brings, and that’s also clearly why he lives in Bludhaven of all places and a shitty apartment building at that.”

I mean, no matter what WE the readers may know of Dick’s personal priorities and how little he cares about where he lives or that Bruce would have willingly paid for him to have a better place to live if he really wanted it, is that what people are most likely to assume, based on appearances?

Anyway, I’m just saying, I bet it bugs the crap out of Dick to hear his siblings casually refer to him as so obviously enjoying favored son status and being the clear apple of Bruce’s eye, as he’s like, cue internal monologue: gee, sure wish I was as confident of that back during the years he seemed to want nothing to do with me.

Like I’ve said before, I think Dick isn’t actually super insecure and his insecurities such as they are mostly revolve around how his family and friends perceive him, not the general public.....BUT I do think that with as high profile as the Waynes are, there’s no way that nobody picked up on how little contact Dick and Bruce had in the continuities where they literally went over a year without even speaking to each other....and like, felt free to draw their own conclusions.

And I do think this is also part of why I default to thinking a lot of canon takes and headcanons tend to gloss over how shitty Gotham public could be in their views/treatment of Dick. Like just because Dick was basically trained from birth to be able to work a room and entertain people while in their direct presence, that didn’t actually make him ‘one of them’ in their eyes, and I reeeeeeaally don’t think you can actually underestimate the pettiness and jealousy one percenters feel when they see someone they inherently view as lesser than them - as they would’ve viewed both Dick and Jason due to their lower class births - like....’leap frogging’ over them into greater wealth via being taken in by Bruce.

Like, idk, maybe it just comes from having been a scholarship kid who went to a richy rich private high school attended mostly by the children of senators and hotel-chain owners, lol, but like.......I can not for a second picture Gotham’s upper class actually LIKING Dick or being as charmed by him as they frequently are depicted as, just because Dick knows how to be charming and likable. Like they might play it that way when in public at a gala, for appearances or whatever....but the second he turned around they’d be badmouthing him at juuuuust a high enough volume to ensure he’d be able to HEAR them but not be able to call them on it without it looking like he went back and provoked a scene over something ‘nobody else around them heard them say’ or whatever. Just to make sure that no matter how well he came across in public social settings, he never ‘forgot his place’ or whatever or forgot that they were all too aware of it too.

And also also, it always kinda bemuses me that as much focus as the Court of Owls and Talons get in Dick’s narratives in canon and fic, that we’ve barely ever seen any examination of what the Court retroactively means for Dick’s years growing up around upper class Gothamites who likely included more than a few Court members.....like, we KNOW years later that like, all along there were these people who even without knowing who Batman and Robin were, like, knew Dick Grayson was their ‘Gray Son’ and intended to claim him as their weapon someday, and you can’t tell me that wouldn’t have factored into how they viewed and interacted with a child and teenage Dick Grayson as they attended many of the same social gatherings and functions. OR that Dick himself in the aftermath of the Court of Owls reveal, didn’t look back at his OWN childhood and reflect on how many creepy or uncomfortable encounters he had with various socialites that left him feeling decidedly skeeved out and not a fan of how they were looking at him or things they might have said to him, thinking themselves oh so clever for alluding to things he had no idea about......like, I imagine there had to be more than a few encounters from his younger years that always stuck with him, and after the Court of Owls revelation like....looked TOTALLY different to him, especially if he happened to know for sure that some of those very people were in fact Court members. BUT I DIGRESS.

All in all though it all circles back to the same thought for me.....people might have been polite to Dick’s face when he was growing up, but they most likely had plenty of shit to say the second his back was turned, and I doubt they were afraid to be overheard by him. Especially in his later years, once people noticed how distant he and Bruce seemed to be, and thus perceived that as meaning that nineteen year old Dick Grayson wasn’t as ‘protected’ by Bruce the way he was when he was younger.....meaning the people who were most jealous of Dick’s ‘catapulting’ up the social ladder and eager to knock him down a peg because of that, like....probably would have looked at the relative lack of contact between he and Bruce as far as anyone could publicly tell, and felt emboldened enough by that to up their snide whisper game with shit like gossipping about how oh, the Grayson boy may be back in Gotham again, but we all know he’s just poor Brucie’s consolation prize anyway, why, if he really cared all that much about the boy, he’d hardly have ever let him run off to Bludhaven of all places, without even making sure to staple the advantages and opportunities granted by the Wayne name to him the way he made sure to right off the bat with the younger one.....

So yeah. There’s my angsty musings on how Dick likely is perceived by Gotham public at large, and how his interactions with them - especially when NOT around Bruce and Jason and the rest of his family....probably very much does not match up with what they assume public perception of Dick is, given that in their eyes ‘everybody loves Dick Grayson,’ but in Dick’s experience ‘everybody may be charmed by Dick Grayson while he’s doing his best to be charming,’ but don’t mistake that for acceptance. Not when Gotham’s public are just as likely to dismiss him as the second choice Wayne heir and consolation prize to make themselves feel more important/elevated than him the second their own insecurities have them feeling intimidated by the wealth, power and prestige Dick does actually share in by virtue of being part of Bruce’s family.

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bjornswoman · 3 years

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hey babe! Do you take requests ? İf you do, could you do a story with these prompts? And ofc with bjorn please?

Prompts : "Would you do the same for me?” & "don’t touch me!” &

“Did you ever care about us? Or was that another one of your lies?”

False promises

Requested by @bjornsholyarmring.

Author's note: Hey guys! I hope that is what you had asked. If it isn't, let me know and I will write it again the way you want it to be. Also, sorry for being inactive for so long, I had some problems that needed to be fixed. I ensure that I am writing stuff right now and I have a lot of work to do. Sometimes is coming stay tuned! I hope you will like this. Till the next time have fun and take care!

Pairing: Modern!Bjorn x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, sad, romance, drama.

Summary: Bjorn has cheating on you.

Warnings: Mentions of cheating, heartbreaking.

"Is Bjorn here?" You asked Ubbe, as you were getting inside the living room of his father's mansion, trying to act like your normal self. Like you weren't crying some moments before.

After the news you received it was natural for you to cry. But you didn't want Ubbe, or any other member of his family to notice that you were crying before. You didn't want to cause a scene in front of all these people. You wanted to yell, cry, hit and yell again to Bjorn after what he did to you.

"He is coming. I talked to him some minutes ago, he is on his way. That's what he said." Ubbe answered to you and showed you the way which led in the living room.

You followed him and when you were in there, you sat on an armchair. Ubbe sat on the couch opposed to the armchair which you were sitting. Torvi, his wife, was sitting on the same couch as him. She was there before you.

"What happened to you?" Torvi asked you, noticing that something was wrong with you. You forced a fake smile on your face, trying to seem natural as two couples of eyes were examining your face.

"Nothing, I am fine. I just want to talk with Bjorn about something. That's all."

You weren't good at lying. It was obvious that you weren't fine. Both of them noticed your red eyes and the tone of your voice. You were angry and sad at the same time.

You weren't even looking at them. You didn't want them to understand —which they did.

"Is everything alright between you and Bjorn?" Ubbe was the one who asked this time. You looked at them both —Ubbe and Torvi. Then, you looked at the clock on the wall in front of you.

Nothing was alright between you and Bjorn. You thought that it was, but apparently you were wrong. You were wrong until you learned the whole truth. Bjorn was cheating on you the whole time. It wasn't that you were such a stupid person and you didn't notice anything. You had noticed once. You were about to leave him, but he promised to you that this wouldn't happen again. Bjorn didn't keep his promise. He cheated on you again.

All this situation made you feel bad about yourself, about your appearance. Why would he do that? Were you so ugly? Why were he even in relationship with you? And this woman. Apparently, she was better than you. He wouldn't have anything with her if she wasn't.

"Yes, everything it's perfect. Things couldn't be better." You lied.

"I—" Torvi was about to say something, but she didn't say it. She started and didn't finish. She decided not to say anything. Maybe, she didn't say anything because Bjorn entered the living room, smiling and greeted all of you.

"(Y/N), I wasn't expecting you. Did we have a date and I forgot about it? Excuse me about it, these past weeks at the company are really exhausting." He told you and you forced a smile again.

"No, no, we didn't have a date. I just wanted to talk to you about something."

You stood up next to him. He seemed curious, he didn't know what you wanted to talk about and didn't expect you to know what he did.

"Tell me."

"I would prefer to talk private." You answered him. "Excuse me guys." You referred to Ubbe and Torvi.

"Okay. Let's go upstairs." Bjorn said frowned and followed you upstairs in his room. When you were inside his bedroom, Bjorn closed the door behind him and sat on the bed. He patted the mattress next to him, motioning you to sit next to him, but you avoided him. You stayed still in front of him. Nobody talked for some seconds. "What did you want to talk about?" He asked looking straight in your eyes.

"About Porunn."

When you mentioned her name, he froze. You crossed your hands on your chest, looking at him, waiting for him to tell you the truth that you wanted to listen.

"What about her?"

You scoffed when you listened his question and looked anywhere else except him. He was enraging you. He knew exactly what you were saying. He knew that you knew everything.

"You know what I am talking about."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Honestly, I don't."

This game was pissing you off. You rolled you eyes and then you looked at Bjorn again.

"I know about your lies and your betrayal. I know that you cheated." You muttered. You tried hard not to start crying again. The tears were already in your eyes and you were fighting them.

"(Y/N), I—"

"I feel bad about myself all this time. I forgave you before and tried to feel good again, but I can't and, apparently, I'm not beautiful and good enough for you." You spoke and tears started falling from your eyes. You couldn't fight them anymore. You didn't have so much power. You felt really bad.

"(Y/N), it just happened once. I was drunk, we fought and you didn't talk to me. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. You are perfect. You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world. Give me a second chance." Bjorn said. He stood up and reached you. He extended his hand to touch you, but you didn't let him.

"Don't touch me!" You screamed and he did as you told him to. He was stood in front of you. You sighed heavy and turned around, running your hands through your head. You were really upset. You didn't know what to say. You closed your eyes and sighed again. After some seconds you opened your eyes and turned to face him again. "I feel hurt and betrayed and it's not the first fucking time. I have forgiven you before for the same thing and, now, you are asking me to forgive you. Again! What if I cheated on you, would you do the same for me? Would you forgive me? Would you give a second second chance?" You asked him, looking at him. His large hands made it to both your cheeks and wiped your tears away from your face. You didn't stop him from touching you this time.

Bjorn hesitated to answer for some time, but he did gave you an answer.

"I wouldn't."

Was the only thing that came out of his mouth. It wasn't like you didn't expect his answer. You knew that he wouldn't do the same for you. You wouldn't fall for his lies again. You had decided that you would end things with him. It hurt you, but you had no choice. You loved him and it wasn't secret, but you couldn't stay in this relationship anymore. You couldn't let him treating you like that. Nobody deserved this.

"I can't do that either. This relationship is hurting me. Your actions are hurting me. I have no choice left, but to end things with you. This relationship makes me feel bad and insecure about myself." As you were speaking, a tear fell from his blue eyes. You hated hurting, like he had hurt before, but you couldn't do that to yourself anymore. Tears were falling from your eyes too.

"I promise you that if you forgive me this time, I will be the best man for you. I love (Y/N). Please." He muttered and you closed your eyes. The tears were streaming unconditionally from your eyes. You couldn't hear him saying the word 'please'. You didn't want to give in. You didn't want to believe his fake promises again. You believed once and he didn't keep his promise.

"This isn't love. You don't cheat on the person you love and, of course, I can't trust your promises. In fact, you false promises. I did once and look what is happening now. I am the price of my silly actions." You said. Bjorn didn't answer, so you found the chance to say all those things that you needed to say. "In fact, I don't believe that you ever cared about me. All you care about is yourself. You just wanted to have your fun with me and at the same time you had fun with other women too when I was too boring for you."

All the time you were talking, you were crying too.

Your words hurt him. They made him angry too.

"That's not true!" He screamed angry.

"Yeah, yeah." You scoffed "Did you ever care about us? Or was that another one of your lies?" You asked like you hadn't heard any word of his.

"Are you even listening to what I am saying?" He asked angry and you scoffed again.

"No. Now fucking answer to me!" You yelled and he run his hand through his blonde hair.

"Yes, I fucking did! I fucking do! I fucking love you! For fuck's sake!" He yelled too and placed a cigarette on his lips. Before he could light it up, uou threw it away of his mouth.

You didn't like when he smoked. It was bad for him and really unhealthy. It was killing him.

"This kills you!" You yelled again, before he could say anything about his cigarette. "And I don't trust you anymore. We are done, Bjorn." You said and placed your hand on your mouth to stop yourself from sobbing.

"(Y/N)." He muttered your name and gripped your arm firmly to stop you from leaving him.

"No, Bjorn. It's better this way. All this was a lesson for both of us." You spoke softly and placed your hand on his to take it away from your arm. "I love you, Bjorn. I will always love you." You said, as you were taking his hand away from your arm. Tears were covering both your faces. The image of him crying were tearing your heart apart, but you couldn't act otherwise. It was the best choice for both of you.

"I love you, (Y/N)."

This was the last thing you heard before you got out of his room and his house.

After that day you hadn't seen Bjorn again for a long time. Later, you heard that he got married with Porunn and had a child, a daughter, with her. You felt happy for him. You loved him and because of that you wanted him to be happy. Apparently, Porunn made him happy.

Some things aren't made to last, one of them was your relationship with Bjorn. Because you couldn't be together didn't mean you didn't love each other. He loved you with his own way that you couldn't understand and you loved him with yours. But love isn't always enough for relationships. Trust is important too, along with other stuff.

Maybe you will be together in another life if that thing exists.

#vikings bjorn #bjorn imagine #bjorn fanfic #bjorn #modern bjorn #bjorn ragnarsson #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn ironside #bjorn x reader #modern bjorn x reader #modern vikings #vikings imagine #vikings modern au #vikings fic #modern vikings x reader #vikings x reader #modern au

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