#one day I'll have to make one I guess

[bluepallilworld]

each time I make a post about a fic of mine, I wished I had a gif to add

like it was a known media and you could just find it in the gifs

nothing to do with it being famous (very much not my goal XD)

just

I like gifs

I like lil' moving characters

#delete later #one day I'll have to make one I guess #it's not like it would appear on its own #girl it's your blorbos from your mind obviously you have to do it yourself XD #also I have such a facination for animatics #those blorbos are moving! they're alive!!! #I can't believe I was a bit weirded out by the word ''blorbo'' at first and now I'm just using it in my head too #if you don't like reading my random thoughts you can block ''delete later'' I usually use that hashtag #I always have that hope I'm gonna come back to delete it later... #why am I writing like I do when I'm starting to get sleep deprieved drunk it's not even 11pm yet #I still have my grammar tho #mmmmmmmm #it's now been more than a week that I'm sick I reaaaally hope I will soon stop trying to cough out my pulmons #*she said right before starting to cough for the n times today* #do you know the limit for tags is 30? #I am midway #it's generaly not a problem #unless I'm reblogging miss yuyu's art #she has thoughts and I wanna answer with my own #because they're shaped #one of these sentences I have no idea how I'd explain the meaning to one of my IRL friends #and there is a limit for how long a tag can be too! you can't write a whole story in one single tag and that's very sad don't you think? Ho #140 characters #when I said that ''they're shaped'' I was talking Yuri's thoughts not mine #I like my friend #and it makes me so happy to see her having fun with her askers #should I really be gushing about her like that here in a random post's tags? Maybe not #I don't think she'd see that anyway so I'm all good #how many tags have I left? #oh that's the last one better make it count right? If you read this I'm sending you (yes you!)

[intheconfessiondial]

Redraw of the cape post, because that entire concept deserved better than the illustration I gave it.

#just give 12 a cape it's all I ask #yes I was watching Musketeers again #doctor who fanart #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #whouffaldi #twelveclara #guess who watched Heaven Sent + Hellbent again #I only cried half a tear but I did get Really sweaty #which is an improvement from last time #it took me about 8 years to getting round to watching those 2 episodes because Face the Raven destroyed me so hard #I'm pretty sure I couldnt eat for a whole day after FtR aired #although at that point I had been steadily absorbing Clara's personality into my own for a few years #I don't have a personality I stole it from Clara Oswald #read all of the 12clara books. listened to the audiobooks. Running out of content at a concerning rate #had to buy another comic #one day I'll have consumed all 12+Clara content. Then I'll just have to take matters into my own hands (make it myself)

[solacium]

presence // aventurine

he'll never outrightly ask you what it is, not at the outset.

he might find you curled on the couch, quiet, trying to breathe out the something in your chest that writhes and constricts, or in tears, but he won't ask, only sit quietly with you, lean against you, the weight of him enough to reassure you of his presence. maybe you reach for him, curl into the hollow of his body, and he'll let you, hold you until the tears stop, or you can feel your hands again, or you fall asleep, to the steady rhythm of his heart.

you'll wake, or look at him, and he'll speak, then, maybe look back at you with those iridescent eyes that you love, as he asks, softly, if you're feeling better, if you want to talk about it.

he'll keep you company, either way, listening. there is a steadiness in the weight of his arms around you, in the even beat of his heart against your back. you'll have to move, eventually, one of your legs falling asleep under you, and you'll both laugh, and shift. he gently disentangles himself from you, to get you something to drink. you settle back down, curled around each other, talk quietly until the sunlight changes.

#here's more of my ven i guess #tiny one this time i'm working on another thing but the muse is steadfastly ignoring me #but he will give me this i guess #i actually really love reverse comfort but here is some not reverse comfort #bc jfc the other day i had to translate something that yeeted me straight out of my body into depersonalisation #and i had to sleep that shit off #so to make my brain wind down i wrote this #idk how ic it is but uh #come get your aventurine cuddles i guess #honkai star rail #hsr #aventurine #aventurine hsr #aventurine honkai star rail #x reader #reader insert #aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #actually i'll be the first to admit i /don't/ think he would be the best at being sympathetic tbvh but i just wanted to write this ok #let a guy have his brainworms lmfao #solacium.scriv

[chitinleg]

bad day, julian?

#my art #ds9 #star trek deep space nine #julian bashir #blood cw #gore cw #like not really but it is a LITTLE nastie #yes the blood looks like strawberry jam. it was half an attempt at stylization. but also. half failure of that very stylization #art is a lot of trial and error and honey my trial is being handled by cardassian courts there is only one outcome LMFAOOOO #oh nooooooo guess i'll have to do MORE studies. of men. covered in blood (their hottest state)...oh noooo... #women covered in blood too maybe. sorry major kira ur gonna have a bad day too 🥰 #i drew these bc emmett was like “we should get to see julian do old fashioned surgery i wanna see that man covered in blood” #and i was like “YEAHHH. IN HIS STUPID LITTLE SURGERY GOWN!!!” #and emmett was like “no no. in his regular clothes.” and i saw his vision and understood #and was like ohhhh i can make that happen. with my curséd hands

[f1shart]

idk guys. i saw the ref image, blacked out, and lo and behold this drawing exists (hey, it's not a doodle this time)

ref in question

read more for a bonus that is not a drawing this time ❗️❗️⬇️⬇️

indeed that is almeric davis, recreated in ts3, licking a phallic rainbow object...

you see 👉👈 when i was sick for a month (a week but i was gone for a month) i recreated ALL SEVENTEEN LFT STUDENTS in my beloved sims 3 game. i'm normal i'm normal i'm normal i'm normal i'm fine i'm normal (also a coinkydink: i'm sick again. 😐😐😐😐😐)

#ts2 #tanmeric #guh so sick send help 😭 #tank grunt #almeric davis #la fiesta tech #shart #dk whether or not to tag this shitpost or not. it kinda is but iskkd #i guess me typing ''shitpost'' in that last tag will make it show up under shitpost anyway sigh #i love 80s/90s/00s photos they have this funky lighting effect where its like the shdows border the subject... kinda hard 2 explain #but you can tell a 80s/90s/00s photo apart from a modern day one because of it #perhaps if u want to see more of my sims 3 shenanigans i'll share them because i made a lot more than just the lft students 😌 #NO PROMISES THO CUZ I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT 😭🙏 #boy i sure was talkative this time around

[jimlingss]

two years!! :D it’s been two years since my final curtain call and seven years since Jimlingss began! Seven years!!! Now that’s a crazy yet meaningful number!

Hello to everyone reading this message :D hopefully you remember me (it’s ok if you don’t) and for those who care, hopefully this is a treat! just a quick update on my life — I successfully completed my first year of law school and what a whirlwind it’s been. 

I’ve had so many ups and downs in the past year and I honestly feel like I’ve changed a lot. like evolved from pichu to pikachu. It was my first time moving away from home, away from my parents, and making so many friends. it’s been 20% bitter and 80% sweet. overall, I feel like I’ve learnt so much about myself and became a lot more stable in who I am.

school is hard but completely manageable. luckily, I don’t think my choice was wrong. there are days I quite enjoy what I’m learning. I got 2 years left in the game. soon (hopefully) I’ll be making the big bucks $$$ and I’ll be able to fund my sugar baby dreams (except I’ll also be my own sugar mommy). Although my dating life is as stale as always with 0 movement, I’ve become close with a handful of folks that I hold dearly to my heart. guess I’m in my friendship arc hahahaha

funny enough, I actually came back to this blog out of my own volition 2 weeks ago and re-read some of my stories. I feel so nostalgic. some of my stories really slap ngl. anyway, I really miss creative writing so much. Fortunately, there’s a few extracurriculars at school that allow me to write creatively so it’s somewhat of an outlet for me. it’s not fully satisfying but it’s something!!

I regularly come back to tumblr to check messages and do plagiarism checks lol. Speaking of which, I’ll take this time to answer some messages in my inbox.

unfortunately, i don’t have any socials that anyone can follow me on. my socials are pretty private and only the people who i’m close to, I follow and vice versa. but no worries because I will always come back to this blog to do a yearly update so you’ll hear from me! I will satiate your curiosity if you’re every curious about what I’m up to!!

for anyone who ever messages me compliments to my stories and/or missing my presence, no worries, I read them all :) your messages and feedback is never lost! it’s very sweet and always warms my heart.

if you can’t reach my masterlist, it’s here lol

I’ve kind of fallen off my fic reading game so if you ask me if I know a specific fic, I won’t be much of help unfortunately ://

if my fics ever help you through hard times, then I’m super glad!!! life can undoubtably be downright terrible. life can really really suck (understatement). but I think it’s comforting to know that everyone at some point thinks the same. it’s a universal sentiment - and in that, you’re not alone.

anyway, that’s it for now! you’ll hear from me again!

I’ll be back! And I hope you will too! :>

#also more updates I guess - I did indeed travel to Japan this year! #it was a blast #in terms of the book writing process #my brain has not been operating in that way so I still am at a standstill #I actually had a dream recently that I couldn't even write a poem #hahaha my book writing dreams haven't died tho - I'LL DO IT ONE DAY #on another note - I haven't been keeping up with BTS that much #other than knowing that Jin and Hoseok have headed off to the army #which imo is a good thing cause that makes us one day closer to an ot7 album again #also Jimin's solo slaps #Like Crazy and Alone are on my playlist woooo #what bangers #I hope everyone has been doing well #I am manifesting success and money and love for everyone who reads this WOOOOOOOOOO #Jimlingss

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Dangerously close to plotting a real Skyrim/Lord of the Rings crossover for after Keeping Count because my secret desire for Leara/Glorfindel has reared its head again

Shhh Don't question it.

#look look now i must explain #the explanation is that leara simply works well with literally every male character I like at least for the most part #anyway #it'd be funny #i wish i could write a leara/astarion fic but i do NOT understand d&d at all alas #I understand lotr/silm on a crazy level so i guess sunshine hero elf it is #this is fine actually #actually what i really need to do is edit and finish my funny Skyrim/hobbit crack fic but that's a ten year old project #no really #I do NOT KNOW i am just having thoughts and i'm sharing them on my blog because it's mine and I can #also i was in the glorfindel/ofc tag on ao3 like five minutes ago and it looks empty and sad #so Leara can fix it #one day there will be more leara ships than there are for hermione granger jk maybe #i should make a list #I am talking out of my hair it is unlikely that i'll ever do anything the fact that keeping count even exists is a bloody miracle #mod post #oc: leara roseblade

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here

#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness #(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too) #but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so #lets see how that develops you know #also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it #not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but #im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing #to complain abt it anyway #the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy #maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness #i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character #in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now #like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains #in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think #or maybe you can! but i'll find that out #i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh #always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do #bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really #but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all #remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe #saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post #all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story #whos Other is story #where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story #ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe

[formulaonedirection]

We ALL love Yuki Tsunoda (Lando Norris in particular) 

(inspired by this twitter thread)

#lando norris #yuki tsunoda #making this for the ghost of beth rip i still hear her voice every day #they are so cute 4 cute #we need to see more Landouki next year. that's not a request it's a demand. #nadia's things #ok i'm just gonna post this now cause I have to go even though no one is online. i'll reblog it later i guess

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[sleepsucks]

Not sure if you really do asks but I wanted to know; how you do your little comics?

They’re so high quality, with the painterly style and all, and you seem to make so many of them!

my ask policy is i'd like to do em better but generally if i dont reply instantly or have an easy answer i'll let them gather dust in the box and fail to ever get to it

luckily for this one i have an easy way out since i can just point you to the post i made on that a while ago which is pretty much entirely still valid

#replying/reposting for a reminder i guess #still use the exact same pen and brushes & my watercolor tray is still that nasty #this post or another version of it shouild have ended up in an FAQ section that i never got around to make either #extra details huuhhhh idk #uncolored comics backlog is still pretty bad if i dont get back to it efficiently enough i'm at risk of runnin out of colored ones 2 post #due to being day-busy again past few weeks i'm even dealing with a couple comics not having been entirely drawn either #not great not ideal the funk i'm in is still preddy real #eh i'll work it out #bla bla bla

[qroier]

always on that stupid boat eternally on that stupid boat. aka what i imagine was roier cubito's reaction on that boat as it sped away from egg island, with some bloodhounds included for fun. full thing under read more and link to this on ao3:

Roier was still standing near the stern. He'd been there for hours. It was the same place he’d been standing at when the bomb had dropped, and he hadn't moved since. Not since the boat had started speeding away after Tubbo finally figured out how to lift the anchor, and not even since the rocky aftershocks had finally stopped churning the waves. The rest of them, the rest of them that had made it onboard, kept checking in on him, occasionally, when they could. Walking back to stand next to him as he faced the ocean and an island that could no longer be seen. Motionless. Soundless.

Bagi had tried, initially, to guide him to a seat, back when everyone else’s shock had started to set in. He had shrugged her off without a word. He’d done the same thing to anyone else’s attempts since. Etoiles softly calling out his name, saying, “Roier, bro? My friend?” had had similar results. So they left him alone, and hoped he’d resurface. A blanket that Phil had found somewhere deep in storage while trying to scrounge for supplies was draped over his shoulders like a cape and like the comfort he was refusing. 

Hours more pass like that by the time a rustling arises from Roier’s corner. Most of them are asleep or at least trying to be, and the loudest sound apart from the ocean’s lapping waves hitting against the boat’s hull is the twinkling of stars overhead and occasional snores from the cabin below. The rustling jolts Etoiles from the half-doze he’d fallen under while standing guard to Roier’s left. He reaches instinctively for a sword that’s not there. Right. It’s turning to dust somewhere, back on that island, after being dropped by Phil and lost mid-flight to the boat. 

There's movement. That's new. It catches Etoiles’ attention from where he notices it out of the corner of his eye, and he only barely manages to scramble fast enough to catch Roier as he crumbles. 

They both hit the floor. In Etoiles’ arms, Roier shakes as his murmurs whisper “Pendejo no duro nada, nada.” 

They both know the tremors are tinged with something more than heartbreak.

“Nada,” Roier repeats, picking himself up and away from Etoiles while glaring back toward the same spot of ocean he'd been looking at before. Ese culero, his eyes try to say.

He looks back down at Etoiles, still on the floor and staring up at him. A- something, drags its way across his face as he scoffs. It might be a smirk. “Man,” he calls down, “No mames. Why are you on the floor, pendejo? Are the- are the fancy boat beds not toxic enough for you? You miss the ground?”

Etoiles just looks back up at him. Okay. “Are you stupid, bro? Don't be stupid, man. I was waiting for you, pendejo,” he tells Roier, putting on a similar grin as he stands up and dusts himself off. 

He shoves at Roier’s shoulders, gently, playfully, when Roier says, “Hm, no, I don't think so.”

“You don't think so? Oh, well, if you don't think so! I guess I must be a liar, then!”

Roier starts to direct them forward, as if he's the one that explored the boat instead of the one that stood at the stern, motionless, for hours. There's not a single glance back to that invisible island.

“You just don't think the beds are toxic enough. You need it more toxic? Don't be so mean or I'll cry for the beds, I swear man, I'll cry for the beds.” Neither of them comment on Roier’s desert dry eyes. How they're tinted red not with tears but from being open for so long.

The lack of direction seems to catch up to Roier, suddenly, as he stumbles while turning about to look for the cabin door. Etoiles reaches out, hand to his shoulder to steady him.

“Roier, man. You uh, you good, bro?” He asks, not removing his hand even after Roier stabilizes.

“Fuckin boats, man.” A chuckle. “I'm not a mermaid. Is Cucurucho too poor for a plane? We're so poor, man. Quesadilla Island is so poor, what the fuck.”

“Now you are the one being toxic, bro.” Etoiles says, turning them, pointing them in the direction of the cabin door and the beds underneath. He looks at Roier again. At the tightness in his shoulders. At how he's refusing to turn back toward the island. “Roier, my bro, do you want-”

“Sleep!” Roier shouts, nodding like the idea will save him. “Yes. On a not toxic bed, because man, I'm not like you. I'm not mean to the beds like you.”

They reach the cabin door a half second later and Roier pauses, hand on the door knob. The humor slides off his shoulders, and the grin drops from his face. 

“Did.” The tremors are still there, hiding under his hoodie. His hand had shaken when he reached for the door. Etoiles hadn't mentioned it. “Did anyone else make it on, after?”

Etoiles looks at Roier, at the way his gaze is glued to the door knob.

“No, my friend. I was the last one on.”

“Oh. Okay. Bueno,” he says, hand and gaze still on the door. “Bueno. Pues F, no?” He chuckles again, finally dragging his attention back to Etoiles as he opens the door. The humor slinks back. “Are you gonna tryhard sleep now? Is that what you'll do, man?”

“Bro, if anyone is going to tryhard sleep, it's the Mexican beast!”

“Ah, facts, factoids. Pure fuckin facts, bro.”

Although there are enough rooms to not, they'll share a room when they make it downstairs and to the sleeping quarters. They're used to it, by now.

And they'll never talk about it. At least, they'll never talk about it for however long they're on that stupid boat.

#tried really hard to make sure it sounded like them to the point i might have overcompensated and this is approaching parody territory #so if this doesn't sound like etoiles well. pues f no? guess i'll cry #sdlfkjkd #i hope you guys like this <3 #qbloodhounds #qsmp #my writing #? i guess tag debut #speaking #roier #etoiles #posting this at 11 am was not the smartest idea on my part i will admit but i had to put it out there #posts from me for me #y yo que anon i hope you see this one day #on that stupid boat

[localcryptic]

if you dont mind me asking, could you tell me more about Andromeda?

(vibrating with excitement) yeah i'll be really normal about it too

Andromeda (it/he/she/they), also known under their stage name, ANDROI-MEDA (haha because they're an android, get it) is an android pop star in the sci-fi oc verse i've been working on with @vampire-romancer !

he was created and developed as a project by a team from MIDAS records, a major record label, to be the "perfect" pop star. in the 7 years since its debut, ANDROI-MEDA has seen unprecedented success. she's bubbly and fun, friendly and graceful, kind to fans, the whole nine yards.

behind the scenes, however, they're bitter and jaded. Andromeda never asked for the fame they were created for, its never had true privacy or connection with others, and he's treated as disposable by the management team at MIDAS. quite literally.

the team makes more money if she can work indefinitely, so doing crazy things like "powering down/going into 'sleep' mode" or "actually getting repairs for damages" is bad for business. it's faster and cheaper to just keep her working until he breaks down, even artificially accelerating its processors if needed, and then uploading whatever memories remained in tact to a new body and moving on.

andromeda is secretly so very angry and scared and has no way to express it because they're the happy bubbly cutesy pop star with no control over their public image or message. when they start developing feelings for an up and coming alien indie-rock artist, who always tells it like it is and isn't afraid of a little controversy, Styx, (made by @vampire-romancer, if you want more info, ask them <3), it can't tell if the feelings are Jealousy, a Crush, or "I want to hit you with a rock".

but that is my little overview about them ! i think hes sooo silly :P its got light up LED panels along its body that change color to reflect their mood and strands of light up fiber optic cable woven into their hair!

#woah posting art twice in one day things are gettin crazy #my ocs #my art #oc art #oc artist #andromeda #unironically this oc was inspired by (1) saw a pastel gamer computer and thought “that could be a person” #(2) had a period of time where my computer was breaking down + crashing and i thought about how scary that must be for the computer #i should really have more organized tags for things in this oc verse #sci fi verse #sci fi #thatll be a start #i guess i'll make it a project to actually organize things if i wanna start posting more consistently about them all

[sentientstump]

i was on the verge of losing hope xD

#it is really funny to me specifically and i will make this post only for myself because i want to remember this day #wanna draw so much now i have found my fuel once again. thank you team canada #i never knew one episode would cause me to have multiple ideas xD #well i mean i didnt know because i have never experienced new tc content in my notifs ever #am i annoying? i am annoying but this is the purpose of this blog you followed it #maybe I'll make a normal one some day #just for me.... to share not mcyt things to the world but to WHOM who will want to see it orz #unless youre ihrtmumbo quinn unpause then i guess lol xD #ahhhhhh future me see where my mind is at rn??? i am currently in the violet room and typing this instead of dinner eating #saturdays be like that i guess xD #anyways this is a huge day #my mom is concerned rn lol oops i gtg #textstump

[sherlock-is-ace]

the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.

Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho

#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and #either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs) #and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me #but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis #where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom #and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal'' #or play them as less important than they were #or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal! #things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine #idk if she'll be able to talk about all those #because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive #my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have #and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend #and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it #i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom #and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me #but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that) #like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis #not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think #so like it's not relevant #but i am anxious about it nonetheless #angel talks #personal #idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void #dkfjhgdfg

[humming-doodles]

catch me realizing i don’t need to design outfits for an oc if i just make them an orb instead

anyways here’s Fayre whose primary character trait is having permanent 0.0 face and deciding that reflecting other people’s expressions is a valid workaround that definitely isn’t just as creepy. Their wings are also constantly putting out a confusion aura a la morpho’s screen inverting move so they keep em tucked out of the way when interacting with civilized folk - absolutely 100% a cryptid 

#they use telepathy to communicate which is fortunately fairly common given like 50%of kirby species don't have visible mouths #I’ve been wanting to make some sort of oc with those wings i designed ages ago for a while now #but again i Really don't like designing outfits especially the fancy flowy stuff i am just not good at it #like i will Eventually do it cause i do like this character concept and i do think it'd work well for a humanoid but i also am Lazy #i'll get to it one day until then enjoy Orb #anyways who can guess how many fae lore references i can cram in this character #not a comic #kirby #kirby oc #puffball oc #idfk what to tag this as #art for me that i enjoy making cause it's fun #fayre