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blue-eyed-korra · 4 years

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Is Dylan really Kieran? A Theory Dissection:

So I’ve taken the time to process everything that’s happened in the amazing season finale of Purple Hyacinth because I didn’t want to rush into posting about it and I really wanted to let my thoughts about it simmer for a bit. I also decided to reread the entire season over the course of a couple days to get the best idea of how it worked as a whole. Once again if you haven’t read this yet please do yourself a favour and check it out it’s really phenomenal.

I’ll probably make a few posts about PH over the next couple weeks as we wait for season 2. However I won’t post an analysis of the finale mainly because Lanxyuu already did an amazing job of that already. Check it out if you’ve got the time, it’s 10000 words of pure analytical gold. Writing about any of that would be redundant. That being said the first thing I’m gonna talk about is the whole ‘Is Kieran actually Dylan’ theory that’s the new hot thing in the fandom, mainly because I’ve received a lot of requests to discuss it and also because I feel like I can add my own points to the debate.

So let’s just get it out of the way: do I think Kieran is Dylan? As of right now the answer is no. I just don’t think we have enough evidence to prove it, and what’s there is more circumstantial. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy theorizing about it. I’ve found that discussing and sharing theories and ideas is one of my favourite ways to interact with a fandom. So I’m gonna put all of the evidence that I’ve observed in the entire first season both in favour of and against this theory and show why I think we can’t say that Kieran is Dylan. I’m not telling you to not believe it. Believe what you want! Like I said it’s fun to do this. I’ve just been specifically asked my opinion and I want to be able to justify it through what I’ve seen in the comic itself.

For more of my posts about Purple Hyacinth check out my ‘ph posts’ tag!

So with all of that out of the way, let’s get started!

Evidence in favour of Kieran being Dylan:

One of the things I think most of us can agree on is that Dylan probably isn’t really dead. In general if I’m not shown a body, I don’t believe they’re dead. I’ve seen far too many movies and TV shows and have read far too many novels to be fooled by that. As of right now, in my head, Dylan is alive, or at least wasn’t killed in the bombing. So obviously if he isn’t dead then that frees him up to show up in the plot at some point or maybe he was there all along...?

This kind of ties into my next point: what happened to him then? His hat was found at the scene, so he must have lost it at some point before the explosion. This is all speculative, but he could have been snatched up by Tim and the driver in Lauren’s parents car. We heard Tim mention that children were in the car so it’s somewhat plausible that Dylan could have been kidnapped. Maybe he saw something suspicious and snooped around a bit which lead to him being snatched up or something. From there he’s tortured and broken and made into an assassin for the PS. Only he isn’t broken. He steels his resolve and does as he’s told because he’s now set on biding his time and getting revenge on those who robbed him of his life and humanity. It makes for a pretty compelling character arc.

The tragedy of his character arc could also be supplemented by the fact that when he was young, he wanted to be a doctor and save lives, but they made him into an assassin who takes lives. Brutally. Violently. Painfully. All of this would emphasize why he views himself as such a monster. The person he is now goes against everything the person he once was values. It’s this dichotomy that reinforces his ‘monster’ persona and allows him to justify this view of himself.

Another point is that this could explain why Kieran hesitated when he could have killed Lauren way back in episode 3. Of course he would hesitate to kill someone who was his close friend. Most of his murders were of people he either didn’t know or didn’t know very well. If he’d had a close friendship with her in childhood, it would obviously make him stop for a moment when he realizes who she is, just like he does in that episode. We even see Lauren say that if she knew why he hesitated then ‘everything would be different’. Obviously if she found out that he was her-long-lost-thought-to-be-dead friend, the person who symbolized her guilt for not stopping the bombing, the plot would be waaaaaay different. Just like the line about being the most blind of all in the prologue, the implications of this line are going to play a major role in the story, and this theory could explain that.

Then there’s those god damned purple hyacinths. Obviously Dylan’s knowledge of these flowers, both in their cultivation and meaning, are things that Kieran must know too. We pretty much know that they’re his signature for both their royal symbolism and their use in mourning, and that Kieran must have a stash of them growing somewhere. There’s also the fact that Lauren, who we know is very intelligent and well educated even at 12, doesn’t know the meaning of purple hyacinths other than their use as a symbol by the royal family. This tells me that their symbolism outshines their meaning in the traditional sense within the pop culture. Honestly, I didn’t even know the meanings of most flowers except for roses until I started reading this Webtoon. I’m not saying that people don’t know the meaning at all, I’m just saying it may not be common knowledge.

The final point I wanna talk about in favour of this theory is their appearances, since that will bleed nicely into the points against it for obvious reasons. So many people, myself included, have noticed that if you switch Dylan’s hair and eye colouring for Kieran’s, he’d basically look like little Kieran, and yes, I see it too. You could say that he could be dying his hair, it’s not crazy to believe hair dye exists in this world. How else does Belladonna have pink hair if they didn’t have access to dye? Unless it’s just stains from the blood of her victims… Actually that could be a theory lol but that’s not the point. Point is Kieran could theoretically have his hair dyed black, but it’s a bit of a stretch, as I explain in...

Evidence against Kieran being Dylan:

While he maaaaay be able to change his hair colour from light blond to black, there’s no way for him to change his eye colour from grey to blue. If rectangular glasses don’t even exist in this world yet (thank you Soph for this justification for why you gave him Harry Potter glasses), there’s no way that they’d have access to contact lenses yet. The other argument is that his eye colour changed with age but that feels a bit too... convenient for my taste. Odds are our boy Kieran is sporting the look he was born with. Additionally, with everything going on in his life and his priorities, when would he have the time to constntly maintain this look, and why would he feel the need to disguise himself in the first place? He already operates in the shadows of the night and none of the authorities, other than Lauren, were able to get close enough to describe his appearance. There would simply be no need for all of that extra disguising.

Speaking of his appearance, we’ve seen one of his victims recognize him before he murders them. He says something interesting: ‘You were that boy’. Now this whole thing is one of my favourite mysteries of the series, so you best believe I am jumping on this shit the second we get more info about it. But for now, I want to use it to show that this aristocrat, who were loyal to the crown and presumably hadn’t seen him in years, took one look at Kieran’s face and immediately recognized him from when he was a child. If this man knew he had these same features as a boy, then it’s safe to assume that he’s always looked like this. This also links him to the aristocracy, since there’s no reason why this man of high status in opposition the PS would know anything about him unless he knew him before he entered the PS. Dylan, on the other hand, was the son of a gardener. He was friends with Lauren sure, but he clearly was of a lower station in society than someone like Lauren or the other aristocratic families. It’s doubtful that he’d leave such an impression on this high society man.

On top of all of that, if he were really Dylan and this man really did see through his change in appearance, why wouldn’t Lauren see through it too? She was one of his best friends and thinks about him constantly. If this man was able to recognize him in a single moment but she still doesn’t recognize him after months, then odds are he just isn’t Dylan.

There’s also the fact that Kieran doesn’t lie when he tells Lauren his name. It’s the same name that people like Belladonna know him by and it’s the name he uses when he becomes the archivist in Lauren’s precinct. Like he said before: there’s no need for him to hide his identity. He’s protected by his reputation and the PS itself. I can see an argument where he could have ‘renounced’ his old name because the person he once was is dead and only the monster remains, which is again a cool theory , or you could say it’s to keep people from knowing that he’s actually alive. But there would be no real need for him to change his name. He could have two names just like the hyacinths have two meanings. I will say that this theory about ‘Kieran White’ not being his true name could also work in favour for him not being Dylan too as, if he was an aristocrat, the PS could have changed his name to hide him from his family as well, but that’s neither here nor there, just something to consider. For now we know that he really is Kieran White and there’s no evidence to disprove that (yet).

Finally, many of the points listed in favour of the theory; the motive, the character arc, the knowledge of flowers, it’s all circumstantial. For all we know, Kieran could be Dylan Rosenthal, or he could be some boy connected to the aristocracy or even the royal family. He could be Dylan Rosenthal, or he could be his own character with his own arc yet to be fully revealed who’s connected to Lauren somehow. The meaning of purple hyacinths could come from Dylan’s prior knowledge, or they could common knowledge and Kieran just bought ‘Gardening for Dummies’ or some shit to make sure he didn’t kill them. Any number of different things could really be at play that we simply don’t know yet. But we do know that a man recognized him at a glance while Lauren, Dylan’s best friend, didn’t recognize him whatsoever. We do know that there’s no proof that hair and especially eye colour can be changed in this world. We do know that we still have quite a ways to go in this story and that the answers aren’t what we expect.

Eph and Soph have done an amazing job of revealing the story to us in disjointed pieces so that when we finally get that one piece that fits, may of them fall into place too. How many of us realized it was her parents’ car in the picture before it was revealed in episode 49? Or thought that Harvey was a spy all along? I don’t think we know nearly enough about him to prove he’s Dylan, but what we do have at this moment is enough to disprove it. What we have now is primarily speculation versus hard physical evidence. We need to accept that we don’t have all the pieces to the puzzle yet and that we’ll only receive new ones little by little.

So, until we learn more about Kieran’s past or until we see ‘changing-eye-colour’ join ‘lie-detecting’ as a new supernatural ability, I’m afraid that I can’t fully get behind this theory. Again, this doesn’t mean I’m telling you not to believe it. Thinking about all the implications of Kieran being Dylan is a lot of fun, just like thinking about Kieran’s backstory and motives is fun. And I could be wrong about all of this, who knows? Writing this just got me really excited to see where his arc will lead us and even more excited for season 2!

Thanks again to everyone who wanted me to discuss this! I had a lot of fun writing it and would love to hear feedback from you guys about any thing you may want to contribute that I may not have mentioned. This post was born of a sleepless night into morning and a need to get all my thoughts out of my brain so it could finally turn off and let me sleep. I already have an idea about what I’m gonna write next so stay tuned and thanks again for all the support!!

#purple hyacinth #webtoon #kieran white #lauren sinclair #my thoughts #ephemerys #sophism #ph posts

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lovelyladyventress · 4 years

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Tell me which one of these AUs sounds the most interesting and which one you’d like to read more about? (uhh rep0st?)

I’m reposting this since TUMBLR HATES MY POST/TAGS OR SOMETHING, SORRY IF YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN THIS!

Here I am, back at it again with my AU bullshit. Complete with my ugly ass dauntingly long list of AUs that I’d love to write about but can’t seem to

decide which one to start writing. This has been going on for the past week, dammit! If it’s not too much trouble, could you please help a girl out and let me know either on here or in a PM which one of these you’re curious about or would like to see implemented in an actual story.

Here are four Cloud-centric AU ideas which include (multiple) gay, bi, and (some) straight main/side pairings. Regardless of which one I decide to write first, I (wistful thinking) want to eventually complete most or all of them, even if some of them only end up being one-shots. Thank you! <3

Mercenary Zack and Delivery Boy Cloud AU

Zack, a mercenary, and Cloud, a delivery boy, have been best friends since they were youngsters. Zack is straight but is undeniably (and confusingly into Cloud. Cloud is bi (with a strong leaning towards males) and he’s only recently started to explore that. One day, while Zack and Cloud are hanging out, Zack’s PHS dies and he asks to borrow Cloud’s laptop to check some work-related emails. Cloud says sure, completely forgetting what he’d been “researching” before Zack came over to hang out.

Cloud, suddenly remembering the content of said “research”, screeches out, “NoOoOoO!” whilst comically tripping over himself as he races to stop Zack from opening his laptop.

Zack, being Zack, laughs good-naturedly at Cloud’s behavior and says, “What, don’t want your bestie to see all your fReAkY sHiT LOL?”

Before Cloud can stop him, Zack unlocks the laptop (he knows the password, because, hello, besties) and proceeds to open up about ten tabs of LOUD GAY LEMONY YOU KNOW WHAT (all with actors that are blond and black-haired, hmm s u s p i c i o u s).

Cloud is fucking mortified and literally RUNS out of his own apartment and disappears (disintegrates) into the void while leaving Zack sitting there like a stunned D U M B A S S *insert shocked Pikachu meme here* Hilarity, fluffy romance, and “LeMoNs” ensue.

Main ship and only ship will be Clack/Zakkura. Syrupy sweet, comical, with only a pinch of plot-related angst. Will most likely be a one-shot/two-shot.

Vampire Slayer AU

Set in a world where Shinra keeps the existence of vampires and vampire covens a well-guarded secret from the general public of Midgar in order to keep its citizens calm, orderly, and manageable (see controllable).

Due to the frequency of recent vampire attacks in Midgar’s slums and outlying towns and villages, they charge their best slayer, Cloud Strife, and his partner with the task of finding and killing the progenitor of all vampire-kind in order to end the covert war between humans and vampires and kill off their kind, for good.

That is, until Cloud is double-crossed by his partner, who wants the title of Shinra’s best vampire slayer for himself, and Cloud is left for dead in a forest miles away from civilization. Cloud thinks he’s finally done for this time, until he’s saved by a half-vampire named Vincent, who then proceeds to take Cloud to his maker, Sephiroth, the son of the first progenitor.

Cloud’s only shot at making it out of this alive is playing at Sephiroth’s personal interest in him in a game of cat and mouse until he can get the vampire to trust him enough to let him get close to the progenitor in order to (finally) end the war once and for all and return to his former life.

Main ships are Sefikura with a possibility of some Strifentine. Side ships are Aerti, Scarlet x Elena, and a bunch of others. Angsty, passionate, romantic, and dark. Will probably be a six-shot or more. Who knows?

Life After Meteorfall Canon Divergence AU (I’m excited about this one)

An AU in which both Angeal, Zack, and Aerith (although, just barely) live and help kick Sephiroth’s ass in the final battle. Sephiroth has been defeated by the gang for good (no really, for good y’all), and now the world has turned to healing, mourning, and attempting to rebuild itself after the scars Sephiroth has left behind in his monstrous wake.

Cloud still has lingering feelings for Zack leftover from his time as an infantryman, but desperately hides this fact from both Aerith and Zack because he knows how long they’ve waited and how much suffering they’ve had to endure in order to be with each other. He also cares deeply for both of them and wants them to be happy, despite his own conflicting emotions.

Although Aerith is (slightly) suspicious, Zack is oblivious to it all because he’s finally got the girl of his dreams and has his love-addled goggles on (god dammit Zackary) and asks Cloud to be his best man at their wedding (ugh angst me upppppp baby).

Angeal, however, is not oblivious to it in the slightest. He sees the overly forced smiles, the longing stares, the glances of complete and utter h e a r t b r e a k Cloud shoots Zack when he thinks no one is watching/paying attention to him. And finally, fed up after months of sitting back and just silently observing Cloud falling into emotional ruin, Angeal finally intends to do something about it, honor be damned.

Main ship is Cloudgeal. Side pairings are Zerith, Rude x Tifa (don’t judge me, y’all, I ship SO MUCH this fandom), and possibly many more. Angsty, fluffy, romantic, and with a ridiculously happy ending where everyone reaches a happy, healthy understanding. Will most likely be either a three-shot or a six-shot.

Omegaverse SOLDIER AU (let me liveeeeeee, dammit!)

After failing to get into SOLDIER three times in a row (the max amount of times one can attempt in their lifetime) and having his childhood dream of becoming a hero shattered like glass, Cloud, a Beta cadet, is more than done with SOLDIER and everything to do with the corrupt Shinra Corporation (Uh huh. Suuuuure).

This opinion is only further solidified when Cloud discovers the tragic fate of his hometown: Nibelheim, in an “unprecedented” explosion of its Mako Reactor, burns to the ground, resulting in the deaths of Cloud’s mother and every single person Cloud grew up with. With no home to return to, Cloud, following his best friend Zack Fair’s advice, begrudgingly decides to join the Shinra military as an infantryman and work as a menial grunt for the military’s more prominent SOLDIER members.

That is, until one day during a mission Cloud’s entire unit, including a group of skilled Third and Second Class SOLDIERS assisting them, are slaughtered in a brutal, bloody conflict, leaving Cloud the only one left alive after the mission’s end.

This not only catches the eye of the Director of SOLDIER himself, but several of its First Class members, who are so impressed with the Beta’s strength that they wish to assess Cloud’s capabilities for themselves, personally. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This leads Cloud down a path filled with convincing lies and hard truths as he discovers the reality of his origins, unveiling secrets about Shinra and his past that he could have gone a lifetime without knowing. He realizes the hard way that sometimes what you dream for, what you desperately wish for, isn’t always something you want in the long run.

Main ships are a tie between Sefikura and Clack/Zakkura (possibly Sephiroth/Cloud/Zack or maybe even a love triangle, ew). I also really wanna try writing out Strifesodos, but I’m leaning towards Banorashipping as a side ship in this cuz its cute and passionate.

A S T R O N G side ship in this is going to be Aerti (featuring Turk!Tifa and Full Cetra!Aerith), along with minor ships like Scarlet x Elena, Tseng x Rufus, and honestly who knows anymore, lol. This will most likely be the longest story on the list, I’m planning for at least ten+ chapters.

Also, not shaming it in any way, but just FYI for the people who are interested, there will be no pregnancy in this story. It’s just not my thing. <3

Again, all of these AU’s are subject to change, but I’d love to bounce ideas back and forth and see what certain shippers would like to see in the fandom. I’m really receptive to discussing fics in general, even if its an idea about one of your own stories you wanna talk about. :)

If you actually read all of that, THANK YOU KINDLY! <33333

#Sefikura #SephCloud #Clack #Zakkura #Cloudgeal #i'm seriously so angry about this tagging thing #WHY IS IT NOT WORKING #*SCREAMS*#IM JUST TRYNA LIVE DAMMIT #why did this post disappear #I THINKS ITS BECAUSE OF CERTAIN KEYWORDS #this is a travesty #I NEED ANSWERS #the text is wonky too #UGHHHHHH

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idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 · 6 years

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Anatomy Class

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

Requested: Yes – @real-sunshine

Tagging: @phoenix-fire-fangirl @thisismysecrethappyplace

Fandom: Avengers

Relationship: Established; Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter helps the Reader study for her biology exam by giving her an anatomy lesson.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: References to sex.

Disclaimer: I do not study anatomy.

Peter was, without a doubt, the smartest person you knew. He was your best friend for most of high school; but, in your senior year he asked you to prom and the two of you had been together, as like dating, ever since.

You harbored a crush on Peter early on. He was smart and funny and caring and sweet, really he was the ideal guy and he was cute, which was a bonus. And you got to watch as your cute best friend got hot throughout tenth and eleventh grade, which escalated your feelings towards Peter.

Peter told you midway through eleventh grade that he was Spider-Man, or, more accurately, you found out midway through eleventh grade that Peter was Spider-Man. You went over to his house to study for a math test and he wasn’t home, so you were just lounging in his room waiting for him to come home when he came home through the window dressed as Spider-Man. Peter was kinda forced to confess at that point.

You were a little upset in the beginning that Peter, your best friend, hid such a big secret from you for so long, but you could never stay mad at Peter for long, so the two of you made up quite quickly. After that, you thought it was pretty cool that your best friend was a super hero, though it did increase your stress levels.

Your stress levels increased a lot more when you realized you loved him. And as Peter got older, the villains he faced got stronger, and the number of times Peter crawled through your window in the middle of the night injured increase too, which scared the living hell out of you.

Maybe it was all of those nights that Peter crawled through your window bleeding, in need of stitches, with broken bones and collapsed lungs, you name it, that pushed you into the medical field, who knows. But, nursing was what you ended up pursuing in College. And nursing meant biology.

You were near the top of your class in high school, but Peter wasthe top of your class. You did good in biology and math and English, but Peter did better. So when College exams rolled around, you looked to your brilliant minded boyfriend to help you study for your biology exam, and Peter was more than willing to help you.

“Okay, let’s start it off easy,” Peter said, leaning back on your bed holding a deck of flash cards. You were seated on your spinning office chair at your desk. “What is the circulatory system?”

“Easy,” you replied. “The circulatory system is also called the cardiovascular system or the vascular system, and it is an organ system that allows blood to circulate and transport nutrients such as amino acids and electrolytes, oxygen, carbon dioxide, hormones, and blood cells to and from the cells in the body to provide nourishment and help fight disease, stabilize temperature and pH, and maintain homeostasis. The circulatory system also includes the lymphatic system, which circulates lymph. The passage of lymph takes much longer than blood.”

“Very good.” Peter replied with a smile. “And what is homeostasis?”

“Um, homeostasis is an organism’s tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements?” You answered, but your answer sounded more like a question than a solid answer.

“Are you sure?” Peter asked you. You bit your lip and nodded.

Peter smiled and nodded. “You’re right. You need to have more confidence in yourself, babe.”

You laughed a bit at your boyfriend before gesturing for Peter to continue.

“What is blood exactly? And don’t tell me it’s ‘the red stuff in our bodies.’” Peter said with a laugh.

You joined Peter in laughing before answering. “Blood is a fluid consisting of plasma, red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets that is circulated by the heart through the vertebrate vascular system, carrying oxygen and nutrients to and waste materials away from all body tissues.”

Peter smiled and nodded. “Yes, you are correct. What is Lymph?”

“Lymph is essentially recycled excess blood plasma after it has been filtered from the interstitial fluid and returned to the lymphatic system.” You replied easily.

Peter nodded as you answered. “That’s right again.” Peter flipped through your flashcards before looking back up to you. “(Y/N/N), you know all of this stuff, I know you do, so what do you really need help studying. Is there anything that you find more challenging that you need to go over?”

You bit your lip as you thought. “I guess general anatomy I have more trouble with. Like, I know where the heart, lungs, liver and all the important stuff is, like your brain and spine, but I have more trouble with remembering the smaller bones and weirdly named muscles…”

Peter nodded and placed an elastic over the flashcards to keep them together. “Okay, then let’s go over anatomy.”

You nodded, “okay.” You turned around and fished through your desk for a minute before pulling out another stack of flashcards. “These are the anatomy ones, but they weren’t helping me. They tell me the muscle name on one side and its placement on the other, but ‘in the thigh’ or ‘it’s the hip bone’ don’t help me remember…” You trailed off before throwing the flashcards at Peter, which he effortlessly caught.

“Hey…” Peter said, placing the flashcards on the bed before standing up and walking over to you. “Don’t worry, I’ll help. We’ll get through this and you’re going to rock the exam, okay?”

You nodded and Peter gestured towards your bed. You stood up and followed Peter to your bed, sitting down at the foot of the bed. Peter took his place back at the head of the bed.

“Okay,” Peter said opening the flashcards. “What is the deltoid?”

You moved your hand to your shoulder. “That’s this one, right? The one just above your biceps and triceps?”

Peter nodded. “Yes it is. Which means your biceps and triceps are where?”

You moved your hand down a bit. “This is my bicep and this is my triceps.”

Peter nodded with a smile. “Yes it is, good job. Three out of three so far!”

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend, but you couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay, what is the muscle in your chest,” Peter gestured to his chest, “called?”

“Those are your pecs.” You answered with a laugh.

Peter nodded his head. “And the real name is…?”

“Your pectoral muscles.” You answered.

“Pectoralis major.” Peter correct causing you to shake your head, muttering a ‘fuck’ under your breath.

“You were close. You’ll get there eventually.” Peter reassured. “Okay, where is the latissimus dorsi?”

You blinked back at Peter for a moment. “I have no idea.”

“None?” Peter asked.

“None.” You replied.

Peter nodded. “Okay, the latissimus dorsi is in your side, here.” Peter said, moving his hand to his side.

You squinted your eyes at him. “I don’t know where your gesturing to.”

Peter looked down at himself and laughed. He was wearing a big bagging t-shirt with a plaid shirt over top, there was no way you would know where he was pointing at.

“My bad…” Peter said with a small laugh and put the flash cards down before shrugging off his plaid shirt and taking his t-shirt off too.

“What are you…” You trailed off as Peter pointed to his side.

“This,” Peter said stepping off the bed to walk closer to you, standing just a few inches from you, “is my latissimus dorsi.”

You never got tired of seeing Peter without his clothes. He had amazing muscles and you loved to see and touch them. Peter took your hand and placed it on his muscle, “latissimus dorsi.”

“Latissimus dorsi.” You replied, feeling the muscle.

Peter smiled at you and nodded. “See, you’re getting it.”

“I’m getting something…” You muttered.

Peter nodded his head to the flashcards on the bed. “Can you pass them to me?”

You nodded and reached over to grab them, handing them to your shirtless boyfriend standing before you.

“Where are my serratus anteriors?” Peter asked you.

“Anterior means… Okay, they’re here?” You asked, pointing to the middle off Peter’s stomach.

Peter shook his head and moved your hand back towards his latissimus dorsi. “The serratus anterior is next to the latissimus dorsi.”

You nodded and stroked Peter’s muscle once more. “Serratus anterior.”

“What is this muscle called?” Peter asked, moving your hand to his abs.

You laughed and ran your hand down his hard, sculpted abs. “Those are your abs, Pete.”

Peter laughed and nodded. “They are, but what are they officially?”

“Abdominal muscles?” You tried and Peter gave you a pointed look. “No? Okay, are they abdominis intersections?”

Peter gave you a cringing smile. “You’re close.” Peter moved your hand back to where he first put it, his upper abs. “This is my tendinous intersections, and these,” Peter moved your hand down to his lower abs, “are my rectus abdominis. So, you were like half right.”

You laughed and Peter went to ask you the next question. “What is—“

But, Peter never got the opportunity to ask you the next question because you undid his jeans, pushing them down a bit.

“What are you doing?” Peter asked you softly.

“This,” you said, lightly running your finger over the top of his hip bone, “is your iliac, right?”

Peter swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, that’s the iliac. The back,” Peter said, moving your hand to the back of his hip, “is called the iliac crest.”

You nodded and moved your hand down to Peter’s ass. “And this one is the gluteus maximus?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, that would be my gluteus maximus…”

You smiled at Peter and moved your hand back to the front of his pants. “This is your penis. A penis is also called a cock and it can be used for reproduction.”

“I’m here to help you study…” Peter whispered, stepping back.

You smiled at him. “The reproductive organs are part of anatomy, Peter.”

Peter smiled at you before leaning down to press his lips to yours. His lips were warm and soft against yours and Peter leaned into you further, pressing you into the bed.

“I guess you do have a point.” Peter whispered against your lips.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker #peter x reader #peter parker oneshot #peter p #peter parker imagine #mine #spider-man #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman oneshot #spiderman x you #tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland oneshot #tom holland x reader

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filzmonster · 5 years

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song-of-amethyst replied to your post

“Top 5 Ships of my heart Rules: list 5 of your OTPs and tag 5 people. I...”

GilBreak is no crackship, they're totally valid! :D Do you see a lot of people say they are the other's left eye? <3 (also, I don't like to admit how much I relate to the tragic ships thing but here we are) On a more personal notes though I'm very interested in the PH crackships :p *has quite a lot of these too*

Oh look, I’m procrastinating again

nladsfhalksfhasdf I feel so validated right now ?? :’) Honestly I feel like there are not that much people in the fandom that actively ship them and I’m just here ?? starving for content ?? xD

(I mean. looking at the fandoms we’re in there’s not much of a choice we have but to let our hearts be broken by the same couple of idiots over and over again. It’s heaven for masochists.)

Oh boy. I show you mine if you show me yours I’ll put it under a read more since I can already see myself escalating with this. Also most of the crack ships basically boil down to Gilbert x Anyone Else b/c that’s just the kind of trash I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gilbert x Reim

I fully blame that one special manga scene for this ship. The one in which they are having a tea party and Sharon tells Break that Gilbert learned how to cook because of him and then Gilbert spends two pages gushing about hOW AWESOME REIM IS and that just kinda did it for me (together with all the other little scenes these two get throughout the manga). Because when you think about it, they are very close age-wise, they probably spend a lot of time together and they both bond over what an asshole Break can be. THERE’S POTENTIAL THERE OKAY. Also they would have a very healthy, supportive relationship and it would just be the purest thing ever ?? So yeah. totally shipping them.

Gilbert x Lottie

I FULLY BLAME THE OTHER SPECIAL MANGA SCENE FOR THIS OKAY. The one in Last Dance ?? Where Lottie and Gilbert are bugging Reim b/c they found out he proposed to Sharon. IDK it just hit me how nice their dynamic seemed over those short couple of pages ?? Also I feel like they would really understand each other - they both have Master issues, they are both Baskervilles, they both lost people they cared about, they both had to do horrible things, they both got betrayed by Jack, they both had a special connection with Oswald/Glen, they are both kinda mother hens let’s be real. But they still did very different things with their common ground. Gilbert chose to sort of abandon Oswald/Glen because he couldn’t accept his decisions, while Lottie chose to stop him but still stayed by his side instead. They could talk about these things and it would be such an interesting conversation!! Aaaand someone in the fandom once said that since Lottie likes to cook too, she could help Gilbert learn how to cook with only one hand and just !! imagine !! the cuteness !!

Okay this is the part where it gets really crack-y okay pls don’t judge too hard

Leo x Gilbert

HEAR ME OUT. Bonding over Elliot’s death ?? Bonding over Oswald ?? Bonding over that whole Glen Baskerville thing in general ?? Bonding over Vincent being a self-sacrificing idiot ?? Bonding over Oz & Oz’ death ?? Just. Them being there for each other in ways no one else could be there for them. They are both servants. They are both kind of Glen B. (even though Gilbert isn’t anymore but like. he was supposed to be, he grew up being prepared to take over that role, something must have stuck) They both lost the same people. It probably wouldn’t be like. a very good (as in healthy and based on trust, true love) relationship, but it would be an interesting, darker one. It also probably wouldn’t last but that’s not the point of shipping anyway is it ??

Gilbert x The other Nightray siblings

Okay. This one is. Going to take a while to explain. I once read a pretty dark Gilbert x Vanessa fanfiction and that was when it just ?? occured to me that while we don’t get to see much of the other Nightray siblings (RIP I guess) except for Elliot (with whom I do not ship Gilbert with because they actually have a brother-brother bond in my eyes tbh) they still have potential to have interesting dynamics with Gilbert (and Vincent, too, so I guess I ship Vincent with them, too). Especially when you look at it from a ‘we are using each other for things’ point of view. Like them using Gilbert to try and get to Raven’s power or just using him for the Nightray’s dirty work in general. Gilbert using them for information he could pass on to Break. The Nightrays are already a pretty dysfunctional bunch so why not add that kind of dysfunctional relationship/dynamic, too ??

Gilbert x Sharon

I don’t have an excuse for this, they are just both really nice & caring characters and they would deserve each other okay. With that said:

Vincent x Sharon

If I remember correctly, Jun once stated that an arranged marriage between Vincent and Sharon was supposed to be a plot point in the manga so ?? I could see it work in a ‘we are both highly political and totally maybe not on the same side so we’ll just really use each other for our own gain and whups what do you mean we could also team up and be badass together ??’ way. Break would probably kill Vincent first though so

Break x Rufus Barma

I once got a fanfiction promopt for them so. I blame the person who prompted me. I can’t un-see it, you know ?? B/c once I started to think about their potential dynamic in order to write the fanfic, tHE DYNAMIC WAS JUST THERE OKAY. IT WAS JUST THERE. and it would work ?? I mean. The relationship between these two would probably be based on them constantly trading secrets and informations with each other and trying to out-plot the other one, but they could still be a pretty good couple. Much like Vincent x Sharon: they would just team up and screw over everybode else together.

Oswald/Glen x that Nightray dude that warned him about Jack

b/c why not ?? We know next to nothing about that guy so why not make him someone who cared about Oswald and tried to give him some love because Oswald dESERVES IT OKAY.

Jack x Arthur Barma

Again: why not ? Arthur totally had a crush on him and it would make Jack betraying him so much more brutal and cold hearted (or Jack was actually also in love with him but his obsession with Lacie was still stronger).

Jack x Miranda Barma

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (honestly if I wouldn’t read Jack as kinda grey-ace / not interested in other people besides Oswald and Lacie, these two could just have some kind of. friends with benefits relationship without the being actual friends part.)

Ada x Vanessa

It would be like Romeo and Juliet but gay They could either be using each other to get information, or they could be actually in love and just. be tragically seperated by their family feud.

Lottie x Sharon

The female power couple I deserve. They are both Queens. They both care a lot about the people important to them. They are both willing to make sacrifices and they are both very smart on an emotional level. Also they could totally bond about the dumb men in their lives.

Oz x Break

... I don’t even know why myself. They are just very similar to each other and it would be like one bunny bumping heads with another bunny.

Reim x Lottie

J U S T. do it for the aesthetic, if not for anything else ?? They are both really smart and - out of their respective groups - the ones who look like they have their life together the most but actually don’t

Elliot x Alice

No idea where that one is coming from tbh, they just seem like they would kinda. click. with each other. also imagine the look on Oz’ and Gilbert’s faces

Alice x Gilbert

In a world where the Tragedy Of Sablier never happened, these two grow up together and have a very ‘slow burn childhood friends to lovers’ trope going on. f i g h t m e one day Gilbert is sad so Alice gives him a very cute stuffed rabbit (“this one always protects me when I’m sad I can lend him to you”) and from then on they just share the stuffed rabbit with each other as their protector

I ... I think that’s it. I’m not even sure if you read until here tbh xD Like I said, please try not to judge too hard, a lot of these are very lowkey ships. aLSO FEEL FREE TO TELL ME YOURS PLEASE I AM CURIOUS TOO !!

#song-of-amethyst #songofamethyst #replies #w o w this escalated like. A LOT.#I'm sorry.#in other news i successfully procrastinated until the point where i don't have time to do the thing i procrastinated anymore so.#a win?#i don't think so but whatever.#I'M SORRY I AM TALKING SO MUCH ANLSDKHFASDF #<3

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gazeboeddiespaghetti · 6 years

Text

Panic Attack! At The Quarry Pt 2

Part One

Title: Panic Attack! At The Quarry only bad puns here y’all

Fandom: IT (taking elements from both the book and 2017 movie)

Ship(s): Reddie, billverly, Stanlon,

Tags/Warnings: none for this chapter

Summary: It has been two years since the summer of IT, but some demons still chase the Losers. Eddie still can’t shake his inhaler, Bill’s stutter is worse in Summer, Stan still can’t talk about his bar mitzvah. Mike still can’t go to the water’s edge alone, Beverly feels phantom touches if her hair is past her shoulders, Richie refuses to play loogie anymore, Ben avoids bridges if possible, yet somehow, in all of this there is healing and love and friendship.

Reddie centric (for now. Who knows, this might turn into something of a series? It was suppose to be two pages you guys.)

Tagging: @star-light30 @beepbeep-losers

Eddie had been holding his fanny pack when he went over the cliff, but lost it during the fall, along with whatever calm he had left inside him; and while he knew he would hit the water and be fine, maybe a little harder than usual but not by much, he couldn’t stop screaming the whole way down. He fell in the water head first, still screaming. He struggled break the water’s surface but now he was panicked and his body wasn’t listening to his head, his arms and legs useless as they allowed him to simply sink down. He was sure he was going to die in this pathetic way,all because his fight or flight reflex decided floating in any form wasn’t acceptable, when he felt the water wave around him then arms surround his middle.

Richie pulled Eddie out and onto the rocks, panting as he looked the boy over. Eddie was gasping for air, choking on water and air and fear.

It only took a few moments for the others to notice that something was wrong and soon there were five dripping bodies surrounding Richie and Eddie as Eddie struggled for air. He gasped out, fingers fisting together and releasing and fisting together in an endless cycle at Richie’s wrist, “I-In- fuck.. My inhal…” he managed to get out, even though his logical brain pointed out that he didn’t need it.

“W-wheres your fa-fanny pack?” Bill asks, kneeling beside the two boys. Mike, Beverly, and Ben turn and look at the ground as Stan frowns, face twisted with concerned, “I think he left it on the cliff.”

“Drop…” shaky inhale, labored exhale. He feels Richie’s hand on the back of his neck, he closes his eyes and leans into it slightly, “Dropped it… the fall…”

Bev curses at this, and Mike mumbles something that Eddie can’t hear over his own breathing but it earns him a glare from everyone and an elbow from Stan. Eddie feels Richie tense up beside him and this sends a whole new wave of panic to run through him. He wheezes.

“I-I can go get S-Silver and rid-ride to the ph-pharmacy.” Bill says and beside him Ben nods, a little too eager.

“Just like the day we met,” Ben adds softly, encouraging

“No. He’s fine.” Richie says, stopping Bill in his tracks as he starts to make his way up the cliff. Eddie turns, giving Richie a pathetic smack to his chest.

“I..beg.. Your-” Eddie is cut off, and he whimpers when a voice overpowers his own.

“You’re fine, Eddie. I promise you that you are fine. You just need to fucking breathe.” Richie says, voice much too serious.

“Richie….” Bev says, softly, and there is a warning in her voice that makes Eddie shiver.

“He’s fine, Beverly. I’ve got him, ok? You all go swim and I’ll-”

“If...If I die.. I’ll kill you… you..-” Eddie says between wheezing

“Eddie, look at me. Look at me,” Richie cups Eddie’s cheek in his hand and gently forces his head to the side until they’re eye-to-eye, “I’m really sorry I pushed you into the river but you do not have asthma. Ok? You need to remember you don’t have asthma and just breathe for me, ok?”

“I don’t think it’s that easy for him….” Stan says, softly and matter-of-factly, eyes trained on Richie.

“Just- please, guys. If it doesn't let up I’ll fucking carry him to the pharmacy myself, ok? But you all need to back the fuck up and just go swim. I’ve. Got. This.” Richie is clearly talking to the group, but his eyes stay on Eddie’s face, eyebrows drawn together and he only borrows a glance their way for a moment.

There is a long pause in which the only sounds are the lapping water from the river and Eddie’s labored breathing. Finally, Bill speaks, slow and calm, “You sure about this,” another pause, as he swallows, “Richie?”

“I hate when you make things too important to fucking stutter over it,” Richie says back, not unkindly, followed by, “I’m sure. I’ve got this.”

.....

“You’re…. You’re going.. To… kill… me.” Eddie says, hand shaking as he reaches for the place where his fanny pack would usually lay. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice calls him weak and his lungs close up a little more.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Eds,” Richie says, shifting so he was sitting even closer to Eddie. Bill’s question rings in his head but he pushes it away because he knew Eddie, maybe better than anyone, and he knew how fucking strong the shorter boy was and he knew that if he would only get him to listen him long enough to breathe that everything would be ok. He moves some wet hair from Eddie’s face, smiling at him a little, “Come on now, you’re just going to let me get away with calling you that? Getting soft on me, Eddie Spaghetti?”

“Can’t…. Breathe… yo-you.. Asshole….” Eddie says, and he wants to cry but can’t. His lungs feel like they are on fire.

“No one ever taught you how?” Richie jokes, but it sounds empty, and even almost cruel even to his own ears. He sighs softly when it gets no response and he shifts even closer to Eddie now, one hand coming up in rest on Eddie’s bare chest. He can feel the boy struggling to make his body work under his the skin and it makes his own chest heavy. “I know how hard this-” He shakes his head, corrects himself. He recalls when Ben showed him where in the library to find books about breathing exercises and getting frustrated only a few chapters into the second one. He curses himself now, himself but also the knowingly way Ben had looked at him when he walked Richie down the aisles until they arrived to the right section.

“Ok, so I don’t know. Ok? I don’t know how hard this is or how this must feel for you, Eddie. I have no fucking idea. But I can imagine it and I’m so sorry, but this isn’t real. You need to-” He’s cut off by Eddie’s hand coming up to his face, covering his mouth and nose and Richie gasps in surprise. Then he gasps for air, but Eddie’s hand is blocking most of it from entering and Richie feels a burning in his chest. He tries to inhale but can’t.

Richie swears in the next few seconds he is going to die. After another moment that feels like an eternity, Eddie drops his hand and whimpers a little. Richie inhales deeply, mumbling out a curse and fighting his initial urge to push Eddie away and call him an asshole but when he finds Eddie’s eyes, they are wide and so close and utterly terrified that it makes Richie’s chest hurt for a whole new reason.

Eddie’s voice cuts through the space between them, “Feels… l-like.. That… feel like.. That...but...forever…”

Richie curses again, softer this time, and part of him wishes he had let Bill go on ahead to get another light blue inhaler for Eddie, but he pushes the thought away, nodding a little, “Ok, ok, fair enough.”

“But… its.. It's not.. Real.”

“No. It isn’t real.” Richie agrees, “But it also is. You just need to try and relax. You panicked and now you just need to breathe.”

“Easy… for… you...to..say…” Eddie says, but he knows Richie is right. He also knows that no matter how many times he tells- screams- at his lungs to just do their job and his body to stop fucking with him, nothing changes. He starts to feel lightheaded and reaches out for Richie, who comes closer easily and quickly, letting Eddie grab onto his shoulder and side, nails digging into flesh uncomfortably. Eddie drops his head a little, closing his eyes tight as he tried to will his body to behave.

“Eddie, you are the strongest fucking person I know,” Richie says, chuckling softly at Eddie’s whimpered protest, “Shut up, you are. And I’ll even list out the reasons if you want later but right now I need you to get out of your own fucking head and just breathe with me, ok? Just- just try, Eds, please.” It’s how soft and genuine and serious and, mostly, how worried and scared that one word sounded - please- that made Eddie snap his head up to look at Richie. He nods once and Eddie can feel the sigh that escapes Richie’s lips on his cheek.

Richie closes in, impossibly close, and leans his forehead against Eddie’s, his wet curls making Eddie shiver as the hand on his shoulder moves to behind him neck, shaking less now, but still noticeable against Richie’s skin. “Breathe with me, ok? In…. and out….” Richie says, slowing down his breathing, hand pushing Eddie’s chest in gently with every exhale he tried to get the other boy’s body to listen in some small way, “Just like that gross birthing video Mr. Morses showed us in Sex Ed, yeah?” This earns Richie a whimpered chuckle and he beams at that, still breathing slowly and as surely as he could manage. Behind them somewhere, Richie could hear splashing and talking, but he knew the others were still watching as they put on an act of playing.

“There you go,” Richie says after a few moments when he can feel Eddie’s breathing change just slightly. Still labored, still making Richie worry and adding fuel in the fire that was Richie’s hatred of Eddie’s mother, but his inhales were more even now, and Richie smiled, “Chicka Chicka, Boom Boom, Will Eddie’s lungs have enough room?” He jokes, and Eddie opens his eyes at that, frowning.

“I… hate you.” He says, but he was smiling a little and Richie sticks his tongue out, laughing a little when it touches grazes Eddie’s upper lip and makes the shorter boy recoil a little, “Gross…” He rasps out, and Richie rubs Eddie’s back as he laughs harder.

“I’m going to write an actual children’s book, copyright and all, with that title. I’ll get rich off of your pain, little Eds. I’ll be living it up in New York or LA or anywhere but Derry, milking it off of your phantom pains. Then you’ll sue me and all the Losers will have to take sides and it will rip our entire group apart. It’ll be magical, Eds, just you wait.”

“You… have a fucked… imagination..” Eddie responds, eyes closing again as he tries to breathe in rhythm with the flow of Richie’s words. He can feel his head again, but his chest still feels heavy and the changing of Eddie’s breath ghosting on Richie’s lips make something click in him and a silence falls over the two as Richie returns to his slow breathing, trying still to guide Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few minutes Eddie’s breathing gets worse instead of better and Richie is getting worried, thoughts of bailing and admitting he was wrong, begging Bill to please go ahead and get Eddie his stupid inhaler starting to blossom in his head when Eddie’s voice surprises him, making him jump just a little, “Not… working. This isn’t….”Eddie drops his head a little, forehead falling to Richie’s shoulder now and Richie feels the shaky air on his neck, feels his heart drop and is about ready to pull away when Eddie takes a shaky inhale and counties, “talk. It was… fuck… it was.. Was.. helping when… when you ...were…talking.”

“You’re usually telling me to shut up,” Richie jokes, fingers combing through Eddie’s still damp hair, followed by a softer, “What do you want me to talk about?”

“An-anything… just… spilling non- nonsense.. Is t...the one...thi-thing...you’re…. Good… at.”

“God, you’re stuttering worse than Bill on a full moon,” Richie jokes before letting out a shaky breath and letting his mouth take over. He talked about how much he hated the summer project they were assigned and how he got into his father’s liquor cabinet with Bev when she returned from Portland last winter break and they both had the worst hangover ever and he told Eddie about how Stan tricked him into bird watching with him the weekend before and how boring it was and how many times Stan snapped at him and he told Eddie about every little thing he could think of, even repeating stories that he knew Eddie knew, a few that he was even there for, and slowly Eddie started to breathe close to normal again.

It took almost 20 minutes after Richie started talking, but finally Eddie felt ok, and he knew that Richie could feel his lungs working again because the taller boy trailed off, his words dying out as his hands kept on playing with Eddie’s hair. Richie places a kiss, ever so lightly to the top of Eddie’s head, making sure Eddie wouldn’t be able to feel it, but from where they were sitting at the water’s edge, both Bev and Stan notice, looking away when Richie spots them. He clears his throat.

At the sound, Eddie tenses before pulling away a little, hands dropping from Richie’s skin. His lungs felt fine now, breathing only a little shaky, but in the place of sheer panic and burning of a moment ago, Eddie now feels embarrassed. He can’t look at Richie, he feels so silly and small and weak.

“I’m sorry-” Eddie says, at the same time that Richie says, “Thank God you didn’t die.” Their words overlap then hang between them. Eddie starts to stand but Richie takes his arm, stopping him.

“You sure you’re ok?”

“There was never anything wrong…” Eddie says, still not looking at Richie. He hates himself, more than a little bit, and he feels an itch to pull away from Richie and run for his house and his bed where he can hide away for a while

“Eds-”

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie fires back on instinct and while he can’t see it, a smile pulls at Richie’s lips at the words, “And I’m breathing fine. You can stop babysitting me now…”

“Eddie…” Richie says, softer than Eddie would like. In fact, thinking it over Richie has been so much softer than Eddie was used to this whole time and instead of making him feel warm, like it usually does, it makes Eddie feel like a fragile child. A whimper leaves his lips without his permission and Richie shushes him, a hand rubbing at Eddie’s arm, “You didn’t answer my question.”

Silence, followed by a defeated sigh.

Eddie wants to tell Richie that he is fine, that it was stupid and they are wasting daylight, to shove Richie away before racing him to the water, but Richie’s hand is still moving up and down Eddie’s arm. The same way Eddie’s hands sometimes worked on Richie’s when he climbed in Eddie’s window at 3 am, hiding from his parents’ drunken negligence, “No. I don’t think I’m ok. But I am better. A little bit. I’m better than I was when I fell in the water, better than I was two years ago. I’m not fucking like critically not ok.”

Richie nods, but doesn’t say anything right away. Behind them, there is a loud splashing followed by Stan cursing and then Beverly and Mike’s laughter fill the air. Eddie turns to look at them and when Ben spots him, he waves, beaming. Eddie waves back.

“Ready to get your asses kicked in Chicken?” Mike shouts their way and Richie looks to Eddie, question in his eyes.

“In a little bit, but be sure to save me a game!” Eddie says back and turns to Richie, smiling at him a little, “You can go ahead, if you want. I promise I’ll be fine.”

“Bullshit,” Richie says, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him closer, “Billy there put me in charge of your heres health, he sure did! I ain't leaving you alone to die in this harsh wilderness all by your lonesome!” Richie says, voice changing, causing Eddie to roll his eyes.

“I hate you, I hate all your voices, and I was right here, Rich, you are the one who went and took charge of making sure I didn’t die. All on you.” Still, Eddie leans into Richie, side pressed flush against his chest. The skin contact makes Eddie heat up a little.

“You love them, you fucking liar. Besides, there is no way I’m leaving you here when you just admitted to not being ok.” Richie’s voice takes that serious air again and Eddie feels most of the fight inside of him die.

“Can you please just drop it, Richie? It hardly matters.”

A long, comfortable silence falls over them. They stay like that for a few minutes before getting up to join their friends in the water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sky is starting to darken as the Losers all lay out on the rocks, drying off. Stan and Mike were the only ones dressed yet, Stan having brought a towel with him and now the two were laying together, not a whisper of space between them as Mike brings Stanley’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles softly as Stan talks, something soft and quiet and clearly just for Mike. Richie ruins the moment by walking past and ruffling Stan’s hair and Stanley tosses his rolled up swim trunks at him.

Richie catches them and whoops, earning groans from nearly everyone, “Look at this, I’ve got myself a pair of Stanley’s pants, newly wet. I’m the luckiest man alive!”

“Sit down and shut up, Tozier,” Beverly says back, and Richie pouts but listens, tossing the pants at Bev before finding a place next to Eddie on the rocks.

Softly, Richie turns to Eddie, “Is that really what it feels like?” Richie asks, and his question is met with a look of confusion from Eddie, so he goes on, waving his hand out between them, “Before, when you stopped me breathing. Is that really what it feels like for you?”

Eddie swallows hard, biting his lip guiltily before nodding, “I’m sorry for doing that.”

“But that is what it feels like? When you’re having one of your attacks, is that what it feels like?”

Eddie nods again, “Only it’s not a hand. It’s like that without knowing the source.”

“That really fucking sucks.” Richie says, and Eddie doesn’t disagree.

Richie snakes an arm around Eddie’s middle, pulling him close and the smaller boy comes easily, resting his head on his shoulder.

A small silence falls over them again. Richie thinks maybe Eddie fell asleep when suddenly he speaks, and Richie has to bite back a shocked scream, “There’s a word for it.”

“For what?” Richie asks, frowning down at Eddie.

“For….. um, for the kind of not ok I am,” He starts, and sighs. Richie shifts his arm to better look at Eddie as he speaks again, “Psychosomatic,” Eddie breathes out, the word cranking at the end. It feels heavy, to say out loud and he finds his body curling into Richie’s all on its own.

When he looks at the other boy’s face he finds a puzzled expression. Richie is unnaturally silent against the sounds of their friends speaking and the crashing waves on the riverbank somewhere behind them. “That’s what it is. It means when you’re not sick but you are. When your body has no illness but you get all the symptoms of being sick. It means- mans in your head. It means crazy.” He is whispering now, voice flat, factual.

Eddie had read all about it after he remembered the time he was in 3rd grade and left the gym red faced with his mother. He had forgotten about it until the day at the pharmacy and then again, this time almost on purpose, until a few months ago. He had gone to the library and took book after book to a hidden corner between the adult and children’s wings. He spend five hours reading about it, hands shaking and lungs useless by the time he left.

He thought there would be a relief in knowing, in having a word and definition for all of it. He was wrong. It made things so much worse, somehow.

He wants to tell Richie all of this, wants to say how he wants to blame his mother but that doing that feels too easy and too mean, that it would mean admitting to failing, in some way. It would mean admitting to falling for her lifetime of lies, even after the lie was exposed. Instead, he lets out a sigh, resting his forehead against Richie’s shoulder again, where it is warm and safe.

Eddie feels tired, ashamed. Mostly, he feels like he did when he first learned about the falseness of his life, like everything was made out of paper and was on the verge of crumpling. He swallows, “There are people who get so sick- fake sick- that can never leave their house again. That they get send to loony bins or convince themselves they’re dying and then just do it- they crazy themselves to death. I don’t- I don’t feel crazy, Rich. I feel like I’m- I know I’m ok. I saw the test results. My body is fine. But it feels like my lungs are....”

His voice gets a little high pitched and frantic before he trails off, and his throat is sore from all the heaving and the yelling in the water, and the talking. Mostly the talking. He wasn’t use to talking so much. He thinks for a moment how Richie isn’t use to listening this much, that being still is as hard for Richie as breathing is for himself. However, he knows Richie is listening by how Richie’s hand is rubbing his back when his words get heavy, he knows he’s so fully there that it scares Eddie a little. He keeps waiting for a punchline. When none comes he hushes out, “I’m not ready to be crazy. It’s so much easier to have asthma than be a nutter. I- does that make sense? Is that- is that ok, Richie?”

There is a heavy and painful silence before Richie asks, “Did I ever tell you about why I pushed you that day on the playground?”

“You mean when you fucking shoved me off the swing set into the mud pile below like a jerk?” Eddie asks, confused at the turn of the conversation, and his tone makes Richie laugh a little.

“In my defense, I was 6.”

“Still a jerk move. And I don’t understand what-”

“- shut up. It all connects, I promise. Also, if I had known you were going to cry for a half hour or that I was about to be chewed out by stuttering kindergartener I would have pushed you in the other direction.” Eddie laughs but hits Richie all the same before Richie talks again, quieter this time, “Anyway, that day I was so mad. Stan couldn’t hang out and my dad was too drunk to take me to the park. I threw the biggest tantrum, but my mom just turned the TV up-”

“-God, I just want to slap your parents…” Eddie cuts in, but Richie waves him off.

“Yeah, well, your mom is her own bundle of issues I would like to slap, so just shut up and listen to the story, Eds. So, I just wanted to go to the park. I just wanted them to notice me. So I thought that maybe if I hurt myself that they would turn the TV off. But I was a chickenshit and also 6, so I wasn’t about to actually hurt myself. Instead I went into my room, threw a few books on the floor and screamed. Nothing. So I did it again. Finally my mom comes running it, all redfaced and shit. And I pretended to have hurt my foot. Only I wasn’t a good liar. And my mom saw through it and was pissed. So she told me to fuck off and go to the park. Which, you know, sucked but I did get what I want.”

“I’m so sorry, Ric-”

“-Don’t you dare. And besides, you’re missing the point.”

“You have a point?” Eddie teases, shifting closer to Richie’s embrace without meaning to

“The point is that I wanted them to notice me. I wanted them to notice me and so I pretended to be hurt. And the funny thing is that, walking to the park I swear that my foot was hurting. I started to limb, even.” Richie’s voice got this high and flowy quality it sometimes did when he was getting into a story he was telling and Eddie frowns a little as he listens to him, eyes locked on his face now, “I was mad and upset and somehow I had convinced my body that my foot was hurt even though it was fine. I wanted so badly for someone to just fucking notice me that I yelled at a random grown up at the park and pushed a kid off his swing, but before that I made up a pain that my body mistook for real, you know?”

There is a long beat of silence before Eddie replies, “Yeah, I know…”

“My point is that there is clearly something wrong, Eddie.” Eddie makes to cut him off, but Richie rightfully assumes what he’s going to say and is faster, continuing, “I know that you don’t know what it is. That whatever is wrong isn’t- that you don’t really know what it is. But my point is that you don’t have to fucking try to figure it out by yourself. You have the Losers, Eds. You have me.”

Another beat of silence. “Because you made me cry when we were six?”

Richie laughs, full and loud enough to draw the attention of Bill and Stan from a few feet away, “Yes, Eds, you have me because I was a jerk at six years old.”

There is something in Richie’s voice that Eddie can’t trace, and it makes him turn to look at him more fully, frowning slightly. Being this close to Richie wasn’t new for Eddie, the two of them never being shy about their affection, but there was something so very jarring about the way Richie looked at him now. It makes his breath hitch, which Richie catches, echoing Eddie’s frown back at him. There is concern in that expression and it takes Eddie a second to realize where Richie’s head has gone, “I’m not having another attack. You can relax.”

Richie doesn’t look convinced, “Your breathing got all weird on me…”

Eddie is about to reply when Ben’s voice cuts through, somehow both amused and annoyed, “The rest of us are heading out but you guys are free to stay.”

“You fuckers aren’t leaving us behind like that!” Richie says, pulling away and Eddie tries to ignore the strange ache in his chest at the emptiness that filled the space Richie used to sit

#reddie #it fic #the losers club #losers club fic #spence scribbles

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