#okay. yeah this is. joels pov of the start of the whole thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

insomnya777 · 2 months

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time for me to ramble about alley rose by conan gray and my boat boys superhero au :)

you guys asked for this. so. i did it. i'm just cool like that. you're all to blame for this monstrosity. long post incoming!!!!!

okay so. there are so many lines from this song that fit my au, joel and etho specifically (what's happened and what's to come eventually) and i desperately need to talk about it so let's start this off!!

so much to say that's subject-sore, so much you'd change since you were born

this lyric! fits etho and joel both so well. regarding the sore subject part... gosh, i have so much to say. there's so much left unspoken between them, literally at every single point in the series, and they know they need to talk about it, but they don't want to because it'll just ruin both their moods and talking about it makes things so much more serious and official, you know?

the second part — joel grew up in mezalea (which will be talked about later) and he had kind of his whole life planned out for him, and then things went sideways and that whole plan, his whole life really, was ruined; eventually stratos was created. he had so much potential, and it was all just... wasted. etho, on the other hand, grew up in a rougher area of the city he lives in now, and now he's just very far from that lifestyle, just in general. very posh and fancy, even if his apartment isn't, his job sure is (was?)

the way you kissed me, hot and fast i knew it'd be the last

alright so the way i see this lyric is definitely etho's perspective, in the second part of the series. such a long time ago, i know!! but when joel kissed him for the first time, even while it was happening, there was this little part of him that was in disbelief and also completely sure that it would never happen again (so he should better enjoy it while it lasted)

don't leave me hanging alone again

...guys i have so much to say here. this could quite literally be sooo many moments. mostly in etho's pov, i've noticed. he really gets left behind often huh. poor guy.

but, pretty much, this is like when joel leaves him after he kisses him, when joel leaves him in the grocery store after turning his world upside down, when joel leaves him in the park after basically breaking up with him. joel really leaves him alone a lot. wonder what that means for the future. totally not foreshadowing haha.

honourable mention to when etho leaves after apologizing to joel, which then infuriates joel, as you will all see in the next part. but yeah, etho's really sick of being left behind over and over again.

you told me "i'm just so nervous, dear" well, how the hell do you think i feel?

oh this lyric!! also etho pov — this song is so very etho coded. in is it over now? joel is talking about how confused etho makes him all the time when he's all vague and mysterious and stuff, and etho kind of snaps, literally saying the words "how do you think i feel?" so when i heard this lyric in the song my jaw dropped. it was literally made for them. maybe not the nervous part specifically, but definitely the rest.

i waited all year at your feet like maybe you'd love me

alright i'm going to be disclosing some information here that i can't remember whether it has been outwardly said yet or not. but you've probably figured it out or assumed anyways. it's not exactly surprising. so. remember way back when, all the way in diesel is desire, you were playing with fire, joel talks about how etho always lets him go? and never really fights him? goes easy on him, etc? well!! etho had always been amused by joel, ever since the beginning, had always found the way he bickers and teases and flirts and yells very entertaining, to say the least.

this led to him always having a bit of a soft spot for him, being a little biased, even, which was very inconvenient for his job. eventually, that affection turned into a little bit of a crush, which he always refused to acknowledge, then turned into the... mess of feelings he had now. love. maybe not quite love. something else. he doesn't know anymore.

either way, he's nice to joel. too nice. not in the obvious way, not in the way that joel could ever call him out on, but he let him go and did other things that very much could make him lose his position in the agency. which is foolish and idiotic and he somehow never regrets it.

he subconsciously had a little bit of a hope that it would somehow win joel over, just a tiny bit, but, little did he know, it only annoyed joel even more. the idea that someone was going easy on him was enough to effectively make him mad for the rest of the day. so, yeah, you could pretty much say that this line fits them to a T.

and i don't even care if it makes me sound insane

etho, again, surprise surprise. the whole thing about a hero falling in love with a villain, and not just a villain, one of the most wanted villains in the world... all his friends think he's lost his mind. and one of his best friends was also in love with a villain. (not that etho would use the word love. its not- it's not love.)

he can't bring himself to care that they all think he's delusional for falling in love with such a cruel, selfish, arrogant, bad person. because he knows the truth — joel isn't a bad person. he could be cruel (god, he could be cruel) and arrogant, and selfish, and all those other things. but so could etho. so could literally everyone else. they were human. and sure, joel did some... not so good things. but, you know, he could ignore that. most of the time.

besides. joel was funny. and smart. and very, very attractive. and- well, he wasn't nice or kind or sweet, far from it, really, but etho didn't care about that. he kind of liked how mean joel was, actually. which probably meant there was something deeply wrong with etho. but. hey. yolo.

i ran my fingers through your hair and i thanked god to touch the flame

god. this line. banger line. even without relating it to anything. but with relating it to this au.... so much to say here. it's etho again. so etho talking about joel. sooooo etho so so so etho.

first of all, the flame part???? helloooo??? joel literally has fire powers... guys... i can't be the only one freaking out about this........

but back to the rest. honestly, when etho was with joel in his bedroom that day all the way back in the beginning, this lyric is very him. he gets to spend all this time with joel, and he knows he's going to regret it in the future, and that everything that's happening is a bad idea, and that he shouldn't be doing any of this, but when he looks at joel.... all he can feel is lucky that he gets to be there.

cause i swore necks were made for bruising i swore lips were made for lies

finally a joel-coded line! my boy!! gotta say something about the neck part because we all know about joel and necks LMAO.

anyways! this line being in past tense is very interesting to me, even just song-wise. almost like the person is talking about how their thinking has changed since the past, because of some.... event. or someone, even. this is very, very joel, because, as he complains about in the next part, he's gone soft. he used to have this same kind of thinking, this untrusting, suspicious mindset, but things have changed since then. he's got more trust in people. which he hates, for the record.

and i thought if you'd ever leave me that i'd be the reason why

back to etho because gosh i didn't know a line could fit something so well. joel, essentially, "breaks up" (even though they're not together) with etho because of his being a hero. not even for something he does, or some trait of his. if it had been that, if etho had messed up in some way, he would probably have been able to handle things a lot better. but, no, it was about something completely avoidable. something he didn't even really have control over. he's not even the reason joel leaves him.

if it's all experimental and you go back to safer things

joel!!! experimental.... safer things... these word choices are so very deliberate and so very relevant.

experimental — a hero being with a villain isn't exactly a tried and true option. and he's not exactly your regular guy. he's dangerous, reckless, violent, etc. the idea of someone like etho ever even liking him feels so unreal, and not even in, like, a positive way. it just seems impossible. they're so different. the most he can imagine it being is just a little bit of fun, something to keep etho from being bored.

safer things — oh, this makes me want to lose my mind. as i said before, etho being with joel would be anything but safe. not just due to joel's more... explosive (literally) tendencies, but also because the risk of the two of them being found out was very, very real, and would have extremely strong consequences. the idea that etho would choose safer things, like a normal person and a normal life, is very possible and, honestly, very likely, at least in joel's mind.

that's the most lyrics i can relate to my au without it being a bit of a stretch... unfortunately. but i very much recommend you go listen to the song, because even just off the vibes alone, it fits this au sooo well. if you have any other songs that remind you of this au please share im working on a playlist and would love some recs :):):):):))

also! a lot of the parts here are about things to come and things that happened earlier, they don't exactly reflect joel's and etho's thoughts about each other right now, because, well, joel kind of wants to beat etho up at this moment of time. so. yeah. it's either future or past them

anyways. the end. this is a lot longer than i thought it would be but i did have a lot to say, so i'm not very surprised. this also was a lot ramblier (is that a word? like, more ramble-y? it should be a word.) than i expected, but, you know, we ball. at some point i also started writing this as if it were a fic so i don't know what's going on there. this was kind of all over the place. my bad. anyways! hope you enjoyed. this is my first long post here, guys, don't let it flop. begging you.

#bfop au #nya talks #boat boys #smalletho #smallishbeans #ethoslab #joel smallishbeans #etho #hermitblr #trafficblr

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fanfictionismyhobby · 10 months

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Sarah’s mom…

Synopsis: over a decade before the outbreak Joel loses his whole world for the first time and has to come to grips with the aftermath.

Fic has not yet been proofread!

Warnings: mentions of depression, childbirth, loss of mother,

Partners: Joel Miller/OC,

It was a cold January morning, the 6th of 2001 to be specific. Even with the cold Joel and Lena stayed warm snuggled in bed together . She was 40 weeks pregnant with their little girl. Joel had never knew such happiness, he and tommy had lost their parents young in a car accident. He didn’t know the first thing about how to handle fatherhood but he was gonna give it his all.

Lena POV:

Just as my eyes opened I could feel his hand resting on my stomach, I placed my hand on top of his and whispered, “babe my water broke wake up” and he shot up so fast and was immediately in a panic. “I am joking” he looked at me and said “oh mama why did you do that to me” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Maybe you could make us some breakfast” “anything for my girls” he leaned down kissed my belly and hopped up out of bed.

After breakfast I started to feel Braxton Hicks or at least what I thought was Braxton Hicks until the bleeding started. I was carrying the basket of baby clothes I just washed and folded for her, up to her room when I felt this dampness pooling in my underwear. I was just about to call for Joel when he walked by the stairs and must have glanced up and said “babe your bleeding” “maybe we should go to the hospital” “definitely, I will grab your bag, are you okay to walk to the truck?” I nodded. I sat the basket down right at the top of the stairs and continued back down them. He ran up them and was back in time to meet me at the bottom of the stairs. He helped me out to the truck and we headed to the hospital.

Joel Pov:

We parked and headed into the emergency room, the nurse gave us a few papers to fill out and had her sit in a wheelchair. When I returned the papers to the desk I said to the nurse “she’s bleeding pretty heavy, and is in pain, can you please get her seen” the nurse said “it’s a slow night I will see if we can get a bed for her and have her sent up as soon as possible” I thanked her and went back to Lena’s side.

They called “Lena Miller” and I wheeled her over once we got into the room, the nurse said “we are gonna have you changed into this gown and do a pelvic exam, but first I am gonna run some blood work and do an ultrasound, I will give you a minute to get changed” and with that she walked out the room and closed the door.

I helped her change and she laid down on the bed, the nurse knocked and came in. She started by drawing blood, hooking her up to the machine that monitors the heart rates. She told us the doctor would be in within a few minutes and walked out again.

She returned with the doctor who introduced himself “hello I am Dr. Lawton, but please call me John. I am gonna start out with a pelvic exam if that’s okay with you” “yeah” Lena said. The doctor proceeded and had her put her feet in the stirups and then proceeded. He was making a concerned face and I asked “is everything alright?” He spoke up and said “I don’t believe so, I think you may have placental previa, typically this is detected a lot earlier and we recommend a c-section at 36 weeks but now you are 40 weeks and already in labour, we are gonna schedule you in for a cesarean as soon as possible and move you to the delivery floor.” “Wait is the baby gonna be okay?” Lena asked “it’s honestly going to be risky for both of you, if it comes down to it we always prioritize the safety of the mother” “no.” She said it wasn’t an answer more of a statement but I tried to interject “babe we can have another baby, but theirs only one of you” “no and if that’s how you feel, then you don’t truly love her or me” “babe I just want you to be safe, I can’t lose either of you but losing you and raising her on my own, I couldn’t handle” “listen you save my baby” she looked at the doctor and said.

They told me I wasn’t allowed in the delivery room due to the severity of her case so I had to send her off. I leaned beside the bed and said “I love you and our girl more than anything, and when we get home I will have breakfast ready every morning. Listen it’s gonna be alright, I love you” “I love you too” she said. I called Tommy shortly after they wheeled her to the OR And waited.

Tommy pov:

We had been waiting for over an hour when the doctor walked out with a sad look on his face and his scrub cap in his hand. I knew it wasn’t gonna be good. He spoke and Joel’s eyes shot up. “Mr. Miller you have a beautiful baby girl, things were a little touch and go but she is recovering well in the nicu as we speak” “and Lena?” he asked. “Mrs.Miller had lost over 1/3 of her bodies blood by the time we got her into the or, we had her stabilized but after we put her under anaesthesia her blood pressure dropped and never came back up, we got your daughter out and tried everything to save your wife however she was unresponsive. She passed away on the table. I am so very sorry for your loss” “where is she?” Joel asked practically bagging the doctor said “she has been taken to the morgue, I would recommend you don’t see her until the funeral home has possession of her. I know this is very hard on you but theirs a little girl up the hall that needs you sir.” “Fuck you” Joel spat at him “again I am sorry for your loss” and with that he walked away. Joel slid down the wall and was on the floor sobbing at this point I sat down with him after a while I looked at him and said “let’s go see her” Joel nodded.

Tommy walked up to the nurses desk gave some information and was given the room number, he gathered Joel up and they headed down the hallway.

Joel pov:

I opened the door and I wasn’t sure what to expect but as I approached the bassinet all I could see was Lena, her cheeks, her eyes her nose, this was Lena. The feeling of knowing she would never see this beautiful girl is enough to almost make me sick, the nurse came into the room and spoke “hello, you must be Daddy, does she have a name?” “Yes” I spoke as I remembered going through all those name books with Lena. “Sarah, her names Sarah” “that’s a lovely name man” Tommy said. “Lena picked it, Sarah Lena Miller” I said. “We will put that on her forms, I am sorry for your loss” and with that the nurse left.

We would be okay. Just my Babygirl, and I.

#the last of us #sarah miller #joel and ellie #joel miller #the last of us tv #tommy miller #imagines #joel and sarah #pre outbreak!joel #joel the last of us #fanfic #last of us #Joel #sarah and joel #imagine

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unprofessional-bard · 3 years

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Don't Push It, Pt. 1

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Part 2 (1/2)

Based on this request.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Warnings: Age gap (the reader is 26 and Joel is 53), a lot of teasing/sexual tension, implied romantic feelings.

Summary: It's been going on for years. They both know better than to act on their feelings, but patience starts running thin when a few boundaries are crossed.

Word Count: 5.280

Author's Note: Okay y'all so I am a whore for Joel with long hair and I unintentionally made this into a fix-it au where Joel is alive. Also, the reader is going to have some OC characteristics to fit the scenario better. Finally, this fic changes POV's a lot, so I'm gonna clear that up:

• ----R and below: The reader's POV.

• ----J and below: Joel's POV.

• ----B and below: Both POV's.

The fic starts off with Joel's POV.

Enjoy!

gif credits: nikolai-stavrogin

"Hey, Joel," Dina called over to the man sipping coffee on his porch.

"Mornin' Dina," He replied as his daughter's girlfriend walked over to him. Her baby bump had grown a little more and it never failed to put a smile on Joel's face.

"There's a little trouble with the patrol today," She said. "Jesse won't be able to make it to patrol with (Y/N)."

Shit.

"And they're askin' me to fill in?" He sat up a little.

"Yup, Maria told me to ask you if-"

"No problem, sure, I'll do it." He spoke nonchalantly, then asked if Jesse was alright. Dina told him she wasn't sure, that it must be something important for him to miss patrol, which made Joel nod: "You told (Y/N) too, or...?"

"No, but she's gonna be there regardless. I doubt that she knows."

"Alright, thanks Dina," Joel got up and she smiled in return before walking over to Ellie's place.

It was wrong. By the lord it was wrong, but he couldn't help it. You were fierce, confident, determined and disciplined; qualities he came to appreciate in time, but a bit differently only when it came to you. He shouldn't want you, an unknown source in his mind kept telling himself, but he did. He didn't know why, he never found himself being attracted to a woman your age, yet you had him under your spell. Oh the things you did to him...

Worst part was, he couldn't have you, whether he liked it or not. Nevermind the fact that you were too young for him, you probably didn't want him anyways- despite the crystal clear signals he got from you. It was just how you were, though: A little physical and perhaps a little flirty, but he could just be confusing that with your confidence.

Or he could be overthinking everything.

Joel readied his backpack, but realised there was still a little more than an hour before the rendez-vous, so he decided to head over to your place to tell you about the news to kill some time. After he made it there and knocked on your door while calling your name a couple of times, which were left unanswered, your neighbour curiously looked over the fences and called over to Joel: "She left a while ago... For the gym, I think."

"Thank you," Joel smiled politely and earned a wave from the lady in return. He took his time as he walked over to the gym. After he arrived, he looked around for awhile to spot where you were, but when he found it, the sight almost made him choke.

There you were, ankles crossed as you pulled yourself up and chin over the barfix with closed eyes, a frown and a clenched jaw. Sweat laced the sides of your face and Joel's eyes wandered lower: You were wearing a sports bra and matching shorts which hugged your frame tightly and the sun was shining directly onto your muscles, which the lord himself carved out and were also sweaty, but Joel didn't care - it made you look more attractive, if anything. You let out a huff and lowered yourself down, while he tried to collect himself. He didn't want to disturb you so he decided to wait until you finished...

...but you didn't seem to be finishing any time soon. He didn't want to look like a creep as he stood there and waited, so after you did another pull up and let yourself down, he cleared his throat.

----R

"(Y/N), here you are."

Had you not been already hanging, you definitely would've fell when you heard Joel's voice reach your ears. You opened your eyes to see him slowly approach you, his stupid thumb stuck in behind his stupid belt.

You hated it: You hated finding this man attractive and you hated your guts for occasionally flirting with him - him, who probably would never look at you the way you looked at him. He liked you, of course, he enjoyed your company but not the way you wanted him to. You hated that you had a crush on this man, who became even more gorgeous as he let his hair grow over the last few years, you also hated how he neatly parted it to the left.

Patrol with him was both a treat and a curse at the same time. You got to spend time with him, which made it a treat, but when you watched him- saw him in action, how aggressive he was, heat started to pool between your thighs. He was so rough and precise as he was smart; he always knew what to do under any circumstance, so you almost never worried when you went out with him. He made you feel safe, praised you and played with your heart when he responded to your flirting and nothing came out of it.

You hated it because your little "crush" on him was pathetic, for someone as confident as you. Sure, you teased and flirted with him, but one praise as simple as you did well today and you'd be melting on spot. You even tried to get with other people to distract yourself, to no avail. They weren't Joel.

None of them could ever be Joel.

"Good morning!" You said with a high pitched voice, reflecting your struggle to keep yourself up.

"To you too," He chuckled at your state and watched as you pulled yourself up slowly. "Hey, listen. Jesse ain't gonna make it to patrol today so I'm fillin' in for him."

----B

The way you faltered a little didn't escape him: "Why? Is he okay?"

"I dunno, but I'm sure he is. Something important must've come up," Joel informed you, not wanting to worry you as you seemed to care about him. A lot. Ugh.

"Tsk," You breathed out and closed your eyes to focus on keeping your head above the metal bar.

Joel then spoke again: "Yeah, I was just here to let ya know."

"Okay, well-" You exhaled audibly and suddenly let yourself go. The force of the action sent you flying a little and it almost made you bump into him: "Woah, oh, sorry-"

"Woah there," You both chuckled at the same time. Joel held you by your elbows to help you balance yourself and your heart rate picked up pace when you realised how close your face was to his chest a moment ago - the chest you wanted to get your hands on: How muscular was he? How many scars did he have there? How would it feel to run your fingers through the hair as you ro-

"Uhm, yeah, as I was saying," You snapped yourself back to reality and took a small step back, disappointed by the way his fingers let go of your arms: "I'm done here, just need to do a couple of stretches, then head back and take shower."

"Right. Well, I'll see you at the gate, then?"

"Uh, sure, yeah."

You didn't know what else to say other than stay. You wanted him near you and around you, you wanted to show off to him and you wanted his attention, so you had to think quick.

Joel didn't want to leave either, even though you were going to spend the whole day together. He still nodded and turned around to leave. It was then, when a brilliant idea crossed your mind: "Actually, Joel?" He turned around, gave you a soft look that made you want to run up to him and kiss all over his face. "Could you help me with my stretches?"

If he'd been drinking or eating anything, he most definitely would've choked: "Help you?"

"Yeah," You flashed a smile at him. "It's simple, you just gotta press me down and keep me in place." The widening of his eyes, puzzled face and his tense posture made you shy. "Eh- Normally, Jesse helped me with them."

True. Some stretches required someone to push your body to its limits - when you worked out alone, you stuck to simpler stretches, but right now, you needed a reason to have him by your side.

Joel was torn between leaving, like a responsible person who knew when to walk away would. He was responsible, yes, but his moral compass was thrown out of the window whenever you joined the picture. So far, he wanted to think he was handling his emotions well- by not acting on them and not talking about them.

Now, however, it was as if he was facing the last straw. He had a few boundaries left to cross, and this was one of them.

"Plus, I'm a bit tired to do them. Will you help me?"

Lies. All lies.

You'd been doing these stretches for long enough, even though you'd worked hard, you weren't tired at all. Joel thought this to be the case, so he tried to go around it: "You sure? I mean, how're you tired?"

"I've been training like hell this morning," You settled on the mat. "I don't wanna do these stretches, but I have to. I'm not in the mood to pull a muscle today."

That was good enough for him really: "'Kay," He sighed. "What do you need me to do?"

Your eyes glowed in excitement before you faced forward and explained: "Im gonna lean forward, like this-" You extended your legs forward and lowered yourself down. "All you gotta do is press on my back and stop me from moving away for a few seconds."

A few seconds which felt like five minutes, truth be told.

As soon as he touched your bare back, you sighed, then forced it into a hiss. He immediately retreated his hands, thinking he hurt you, pushing the ludicrous idea that you might have moaned away immediately.

His hands were big and a little cold comparing to your skin which was on fire after the workout, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't do that on purpose. You straightened up and looked at him with an innocent smile: "Your hands are cold."

Not cold enough to make you react like that, obviously.

Joel offered an awkward chuckle from the back of his throat: "You're gonna have to deal with it, missy."

And deal with it you did- barely. Christ, that was a bad idea, your worst one yet. To have his hands on your bare skin, pressing you down made your cheeks burn and mouth hang open as he kept you in place. You almost didn't hear him when he spoke, too busy trying to comprehend the size of his hands and how they'd feel around your throa-

"How many of these do you gotta do?"

"Uh, dunno," You blurted out. "Not too many."

Joel was partly glad, it felt so wrong yet it was just a simple act of help you could've asked from anyone. After 20 seconds of staying like that, you straightened. You went into a head-to-knee position and gave him an okay to press you down again.

You switched to the other leg after half a minute, but you were running out of ideas. There weren't any positions left that you could use his help with, so you played one last card to ruin him: "More."

"W-What?"

Good riddance.

"Press a little harder," You pretended to focus and tried your best not to smirk, knowing you had him where you wanted.

"Oh- hm," He cleared his throat and pressed a little more down on your back. If your plan hadn't backfired and made you almost moan through your teeth, everything was going accordingly.

Joel went to pull back, but stopped when you added: "It's been a while since I did these..."

Christ.

"That enough?" He slowly retreated his hands and stood up, watching you lean up where you sat.

"Yup, that'll be it," You smiled and blinked a couple of times. If Joel had known better, he would've thought you were making him do that, then being all cute on purpose-

It was going to be a long day.

----R

Patrol with the older Miller went as normally as it always was. Part one usually went like this: Meet up at the gate, get your rifles and horses, ride out, reach checkpoint one and sign your names. The road to checkpoint one didn't have any trouble, it usually never did. It was more quiet between you two than usual though. Had you gone too far?

"So, uh," You said once the two of you mounted your horses again. "You coming to the dance tonight?"

"What?" He snapped his head in your direction, looking clueless. "What dance?"

"Well, not a dance exactly but- you know what I mean?" You started riding. "The adults only event?"

He looked really distracted, a bit tense even: "Oh, right. You know those ain't my thing."

"I know," You nodded with a soft smile. "But I haven't seen you in any event ever since you decked Seth."

"Decked?" Joel chuckled bitterly at the memory.

"He deserved it, and more, that prick," You rolled your eyes, making him chortle.

"And nobody managed to shut up about it for the whole month," He sighed with a gorgeous yet tired smile on his face which you managed to see just in time. "So, no thanks. I'll pass."

"Aw, come on," You whined. "You can't avoid coming to these events forever. Please?"

He gave you a confused look, his smile slowly disappearing but not in a bad way: "Why?"

A good question. Oh, no reason, just wanna try and make a move on you, quite possibly jump your bones if it all goes well.

"I wanna make sure you haven't lost your ability to socialise." You offered.

"Really? Why, you're my momma now?"

"Ew, no," You both laughed. "Can't I be sure my friend is alive and well occasionally?"

----J

Friend.

A word that made Joel stop and think.

You saw him as a friend, huh? Two people, with clear sexual tension and an obvious age gap between them- Friends was an awkward description for him, but it was better than nothing.

He opened his mouth to reply, to insist that he was indeed alive and well, but you stopped him: "You know what I mean."

The conversation was making him a little distracted, he noticed, so he decided to keep his mouth shut until you reached checkpoint two. You didn't press him on, which was also a delight. That's another thing he liked about you: You knew your bounds- in patrol anyways. Or maybe it was because you got to know him well over the time, knew what he liked or not.

Part two went quieter too- infected and conversation wise. Not even a single runner was on sight as you swept through the small cabins and houses. Except for the occasional clear's and nothing here's, you didn't say anything else. Joel itched to talk to you, about anything to break the silence, but he was too lost in thought.

When you finally made it back to Jackson, you finally spoke up: "So? You coming?" He chuckled, mostly out of relief, then you added: "I found a new outfit, I wanna know what you think."

That caught Joel's attention. With a curious smile, after handing over your horses, he asked: "What outfit?"

"You'll see... If you come." You smirked, your close proximity making Joel's heart race.

"Don't get your hopes up," He sighed with a small grin and tucked his thumb behind his belt, the other one gripping the strap of his rifle.

"You're the worst," You punched his shoulder with mock upset, making him chortle and stumble a little to the right. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Joel remained quiet, then you walked away with a soft smile gracing your lips. The words sunk deeper than he would've liked, a sudden wave of guilt soaking his guts with regret, even though you didn't sound disappointed or upset. Lips pursed, he watched you hand your rifle to Peter and sign off, then leave; his steps coming to a halt as you did.

He just might check out what was up at the dance tonight, if he could successfully move himself out of his comfort zone in the following few hours.

----R

"Well well, look who it is," Tommy grinned when you approached the doors of the pub. The night had settled across the sky by the time you stepped outside your place. The sound of music and chatter of the people from inside filled your ears.

"Yours truly," You smirked. "It's crowded in there huh?"

"It sure is," Tommy said as he turned around to lead you inside. "Adults only events tend to attract more people, as y'can guess. Don't you look pretty today."

"Why thank you." You smiled playfully: "For no one, but myself, at that."

You lied through your teeth. You had dressed up in the silly hope that Joel would actually show up. You had been planning on it ever since you came across the item wrapped around your hips in an abandoned clothes shop a few weeks ago, and this event was the perfect excuse for you to wear it. For him.

"I ain't sayin' nothing!" Tommy raised his hands up in defense. "Figured that much, haven't seen anyone catch your interest in a long time."

Ha. Nice.

The atmosphere was lively and the air was warm, full of energy. Chatter and dancing went about the packs of people scattered across the space, but you couldn't see Joel, much to your disappointment - you weren't surprised though. What surprised you was Jesse suddenly showing up.

"Where's Ellie and Dina?" You asked after a while of teasing him about missing patrol.

"They decided to stay behind, I guess." He shrugged.

"What can I get y'all?" Tommy smiled, suddenly appearing behind the counter. Without waiting for an answer, he filled two glasses and pushed them towards you. You and Jesse looked at each other for a brief moment, before knocking it back at one go. "Woah there..."

A round of laughter later, you felt someone's presence behind you, then they tapped you on the shoulder: "Hey, (Y/N)!"

Much to your disappointment, once more, it was a boy named Mark. He was a year older than you, had no features whatsoever matching Joel's prettier ones and he took an obvious liking to you, which in truth you didn't appreciate, even though he wasn't weird about it or anything. You faked a smile and turned to him a little: "Hi."

"Good to see you," Sure. "How, uh, how are you?"

"Busy, actually," You pointed at the glass Tommy was refilling for you.

"Mind if I join?" He made himself comfortable on the stool next to you.

"Yeah. I do." Your smile never faded but your words were laced with poison.

He looked between you, Tommy and Jesse, mortified at your answer: "W- Heh, well, would you wanna dance later, then-?"

"No, I don't." You spoke calmly and turned to face Jesse again, only for him to move to tap you on the shoulder, which Tommy stopped from happening.

"Why don't you go home, huh?" He grabbed his wrist firmly, but not hard enough to leave a bruise of course. "The lack of oxygen in your brain's clearly stoppin' you from understandin' a word as simple as no."

You looked over at the younger Miller, a stern look on his face which seemed to make Mark piss himself. Suddenly, an even deeper voice was heard behind the boy: "I advise you to listen to him, son."

You turned completely in your seat to see Joel grabbing Mark by the shoulders, making him jump, then remove him from the seat carefully. Mark's legs were quick to oblige, making him walk towards the exit, but Joel held him in place: "A-ah, what do you say to the lady?"

"I'm s-sorry, (Y/N)," He nodded quickly. "I'll never disturb you again, I promise."

"Good boy," Joel patted him on the back, which sent him running to the door. Your cheeks were suddenly burning and you couldn't help but smile shyly.

"Tsk, what a jackass," Tommy nodded disapprovingly as Joel took the now empty space next to you.

"You decided to show then, huh?" You smirked at Joel.

"Yeah, figured you'd break someone's wrists and make 'em eat it," He chuckled, tipping his head at his brother in a greeting -God he looked so handsome, was that a new shirt?- before he continued: "Decided it'd be a shame to miss it."

You giggled and lightly pushed at his arm, almost immediately feeling the muscles underneath the rolled up sleeve of his blue shirt: "I'll take that as a I came because you asked and I listened for once." The exchange, obviously, didn't go unnoticed by his brother and Jesse, which made you sit upright suddenly: "Tommy was the one who was gonna break his wrist anyways..."

"Nobody gets to disturb anyone here, especially right in front of me," He said and slid a glass to his brother.

Jesse joined in: "I doubt it, but should he ever-"

"Aw, you guys are spoiling me," You grinned and waved your hand down, pressing the other onto your chest.

----J

You looked beautiful. You were wearing a plain, dark green, mid-thigh, flare skirt; which could pass as a miniskirt, but Joel was no fashion expert. You always did come up with the rarest clothing items (like your sports set that morning), so he wasn't surprised that you happened across the skirt. You also had a simple, white, v-neck t-shirt on- which all in all was the reason you left Joel speechless: You could be wearing something as simple as these, but you'd still look so damn pretty.

A few minutes later, after Jesse and Tommy disappeared in different directions and you were finally left alone, Joel spoke up: "Is this the-"

"What made you-" You gave each other a brief look before chuckling: "You go first."

"Ah, I was gonna ask if this was the outfit you wanted me to see," He said, briefly looking down to point at your skirt.

He watched you run a hand through your hair and bite your bottom lip before answering: "Yeah..." You got up and stuffed your hands in your pockets, which made Joel's heart sizzle. "What do you think?"

He gave you a genuine smile: "I think you look beautiful."

The shock on your face made Joel panick a little, but when you offered a shy little smile, he relaxed: "You- Really?"

He gave you a single, slow nod in acknowledgement, his smile grew bigger when you beamed at him and offered him a quiet thank you, then sat back. You were staring hard at your glass, clearly avoiding his gaze and he found it rather cute, but didn't comment on it.

He was looking forward to chat with you, after all, you were the reason why he showed up, but you were unfortunately dragged away by a couple of friends, Jesse included...

To dance.

An upbeat song he didn't recognise started playing, putting you and another boy, Mick, to action. Everyone backed away to give you two space, then started off with what seemed to be something you'd been practicing for a while. You mirrored each other's moves, it was similar to some folk dance he'd watched way before the outbreak, but it most definitely wasn't a folk dance. Your arms linked occasionally, hands on your hips as you crossed each other's legs with fast movements and other types of moves Joel couldn't name if he tried, but it was organised and fun to watch. It wasn't intimate, too, just a silly little dance as you called it minutes later when you finished and walked to the bar for a drink. You didn't stay long, though, just downed your drink, winked at him and went back to the stage where you and Mick (but mostly you) stole the show.

It went on for two more rounds, to the point your t-shirts were absolutely soaked and your legs couldn't take it anymore. Joel had a particularly hard time in his seat, watching your skirt float around your thighs made him feel embarrassed with himself. Tommy even went as far as to tease him about his constant squirming, but a glare from his older brother was enough to shut him up.

The last dance finished off with you in Mick's arms, leaning back in his hold and closing your eyes with laughter. Everyone clapped you both, which earned you a kiss on the cheek from Mick- which you returned. Joel's jaw clenched unintentionally, even though you and him didn't appear to be more than friends.

Stop. Stop it, you idiot.

He couldn't care less about these types of things, drama about who's dating who and whatnot, but when it came to you he naturally grew curious.

He watched you, eyelids struggling to keep themselves open as Jesse led you and helped you onto the stool, next to Joel once more. You huffed and giggled, eyes closed with sweat droplets on your forehead. He couldn't help it when his smile grew wider at your tipsy state.

What he didn't see coming was the sudden hand on his thigh and your back against his arm, letting your head drop onto his shoulder as you let out a brief laugh: "Never let me dance and drink at the same time again."

Joel didn't know what to say, he quickly looked around for Jesse only to find him already gone and a couple of people staring at the both of you. With a rush of panic, he responded: "I don't think I'm the one you should say that to, darlin'."

Your hand and the rest of your body immediately retreated when you jumped at his voice: "Joel?!" You looked a little embarrassed and he couldn't help but smirk. "Uh, where's Jesse?"

The question almost made him scrunch up his face, but he patiently waited until the end of the conversation, which was after you've walked away to find the boy in question and he was alone with his own thoughts... Jealousies...

"He dropped you off and went over there, I think." Joel nodded to the direction he thought Jesse went off to - he didn't see though, he was too busy focusing on you when your fingertips had brushed somewhere dangerously near his crotch.

"Huh," You stared around to find him, but Joel figured you were too intoxicated to actually see that far. "You need to stop wearing the same clothes."

He raised a brow at that: "You tell him that."

"Oh I will," You grinned mischievously and suddenly grabbed Joel's glass of whiskey from his hand, then downed it at one go before he could intervene.

"Hey!" He tried to grab the glass from you but you leaned back. "I think you've had enough for the night."

"Says who-?" You pouted and at the very same time, lost your balance, realising that you leaned a little too back. However, Joel caught you; one hand on your arm, the other on your waist and he pulled you back - he didn't know if you did it purposefully, but you practically fell into his body: "Oh! I'm sorry-" You laughed, not looking sorry at all. "Thanks, Joel," You purred, extending the 's' and the 'l' at the end of each word as you grabbed onto his biceps. "You saved me."

"Pfft," Joel couldn't help but let his hand linger on your waist as he made sure you stood in place. Your eyes met when you lifted your head from his chest - the meaning behind his hazel gaze and your own was similar and it lasted for what felt like a whole minute, while in reality it was no longer than a few seconds.

You finally let his arms go and he took it as his cue to remove his hand from your waist (which, for a moment, felt like it had been glued there): "So... You enjoying yourself, old man?"

Joel sighed through his nose, amused at how the alcohol in your system was slowing your speech, then went back to how he had been sitting before you came. Just when you asked, the smooth, familiar tune of Ain't No Sunshine started playing. After all the excitement, a slower music felt nice: "Sure. You?"

"Oh I sure am," You nodded and leaned back against the counter with something of a triumphant smile.

"I can tell," Joel replied, then without turning his head, side eyed you. His stare later on moved down to your skirt. "Why'd you get all dressed up for, really?"

"Huh?" You blinked, not processing if he was asking what you thought he was.

"I, uh- just never took you for the skirt type."

"Is that so?" You asked, eyes widening. "Well, just trying on a new outfit..." You looked down and bit your lower lip, making Joel's heart skip a beat. He mentally kicked himself for not leaving right then and there and continuing to talk to you: "There's actually another reason."

"Hm?"

"There's this guy," You turned towards him, placed your arm paralleled across his on the counter and leaned forward a little, pretending to look around. His fingertips scratched against the wooden surface of the counter at the mention of this guy in question. "I don't know his name, but maybe you do?"

He just raised a brow when you looked at him innocently: "He's a bit old, around this tall," Your hand went back and forth in the air as you tried to size the man's height in your mind. "Has pretty, long, graying hair with an also graying beard... A little scar on his nose," You looked at him and leaned in a little more, invading his personal space but not touching him, then pointed at the exact spot on your nose and it was then, Joel realised, that you were indeed describing himself. "He's wearing this blue shirt and, honestly, it would look better on him if he opened another button or two."

I know, I know

Hey I oughta leave young thing alone

But ain't no sunshine when she's gone

He wanted to counter, tease you back, lean down and taste your lips, then place a kiss or two on your neck and bite it softly just to hear you moan quietly into his ear- he also needed to get his shit together, as much as he wanted to do all of that.

He couldn't quite believe his self control when he leaned away from you, especially since the tip of your noses almost touched and he felt your hot breath on his lips. He cleared his throat and quickly looked around to see if anyone was looking- no one had seen the rather intimate interaction so he spoke: "I don't know who that is."

The disappointment on your features was like a knife twisting up in his guts. You blinked a couple of times, but didn't lean back: "S- Sure you do..."

"I don't," Joel insisted, his voice stern. "Maybe you should look for someone else."

Your disappointment turned into embarrassment and anger, making you frown and lean back: "Excuse me."

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And this house just ain't no home

Anytime she goes away

And with that, you got up and stormed away, leaving Joel wanting, aching and ashamed.

Anytime she goes away

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cncoluv · 3 years

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CNCO Sleep Over Spring Break

Warnings: Fluffy

Setting: Four Seasons in Florida/Disney

Background: Thank goodness it is one day away from officially being spring break because I'm so sick of college right now. If I have to think about another advanced research methods class, my head will explode. It has been a crazy year and I have not talked to the boys that much between them being on tour and me having classes. I will call them after their shows and interviews every once in a while. But we all agreed that it has been forever since we have seen each other and that we need to spend time together since I have almost two weeks off of college and work. We all agreed that we should spend some time together during their tour in Florida since that was a place that I had not been to since I was young.

(Y/N)

We all agreed that another sleepover was absolutely necessary so we could revert back to being children again to sing and dance all over again and not have a care in the world. It was refreshing because I have not had a break or a fun time in a long while, and I am sure they need one as well with the constant touring. While packing my clothes for tomorrow, I decided that we would go to a fancy restaurant and it would be my treat. I am sure I am going to have to fight them since they do not like me to pay for all of them at once because they are stubborn. For the restaurant, I am bringing the most beautiful dress that I own, a deep purple dress with diamonds that gleam all over that in any light. The top of the dress has an off of the shoulder fit and it has leg slits on both sides that show your thighs, which is almost scandalous because it is very high up on the leg. It is a form-fitting dress so it shows off all of your curves in the correct way. You pick your 5-inch stiletto black heels to go with the outfit, and it matches perfectly, so you are super excited. You pick out your other outfits which are summer clothes mostly shorts and crop tops or tank tops with sandals or pretty dresses. You pick the first outfit that you were going to be wearing that next morning to see them which was a black and white checkered crop top with biker shorts and black converses.

When everything is packed and you wind down from the day you finally get to sleep, you get up early the following day, ready to go to the airport. You get up and get dressed to get on your flight, and you are wearing white shorts with a light and dark blue ombre crop top with white flip-flops. As you get on your flight, you are a little nervous, but you get over it pretty quickly because everything is going smoothly, and you are still excited to see the boys. You are slowly starting to come down off cloud nine by remembering you have feelings for one of the members, Zabdiel.

He was so shy and did not show his feelings that much to the rest of the world, but to you and his family. He was always bubbly and fun to be around; one of the last things you remember was the kiss he left you with. You thought about that kiss for a while after it happened because it was one of the softest kisses that you did not want to end. His lips felt like the light mist of cotton candy that touches your lips, leaving you wanting more. When you reminisce over the kiss and how he acted the last time you meet, you realize that Zab might have been slightly jealous. The kiss sealed the deal of how he felt about you and how you felt about him, and leaving so suddenly after might have changed that, so right now, there are more questions that you have to ask him.

(Richard POV)

I really wish (Y/N) would get here. I need to see her and miss her so much. I’m glad that she agreed to come and join us. We haven't talked as much this year but especially since the towel dropped. I am still super embarrassed about it, but we talked about it, and she seemed as if she was okay but I still do not fully know how she felt. I don't want to lose her as a friend because of it, so I want to make sure she is okay. But I know last time I tried to talk to her, Zab got upset because he has a crush on her. I don't want to get in the way that he is always so much happier when (Y/N) is around.

(Zabdiel POV)

I can't believe that (Y/N) will be here really soon. We have not seen her in almost one year. I missed (Y/N) so much, and I still have not forgotten about that kiss from last year; it was terrific. Her lips felt like smooth silk with just the slightest touch of soft and velvety flower petals, and I still remember the hint of strawberry that I tasted from her flavored lipstick. I still feel the same way about her and she makes me feel different than any other girl I have been with before. I just hope that she somewhat understands how I feel about her, if not then it will be hard to explain to her without embarrassing myself.

--- Skips to the next day---

(Y/N) POV

I am driving to Florida so I packed everything and headed out at 1 a.m. since it is an 8-hour drive and we want to spend the whole day together. I wanna go to sleep after this drive because so many people do not know how to drive. Like did they get their license from a freaking cracker jack box? But besides that, I had a music playlist setup and CNCO was the most of the songs. I liked their renditions of other songs from the Déjà Vu album. So that whole album was played about 3 times on repeat.

Once I got kind of close I was going to call the boys and let them know that I was only 45 minutes away from the Four Seasons at Orlando. When Richard answered the phone I heard Christopher laughing in the background which made me laugh. Then I told Richard I was only about 40-45 minutes away and he said okay cool see you soon (Y/N). I found it strange because he would normally talk to me for about 5-10 minutes before getting off of the phone. But I kept driving wondering why he ended the call so abruptly was it something I had done?

When I got there I let them know that I was outside and about 2 minutes later I saw them come outside the building. I went to hug the first person I had seen which was Erick, he had this adorable smile he looked different from the last time. He seemed more confident in who he was which was radiating off of him. Then I saw Joel had changed and had gotten more buff and had grown out his facial hair. He said, "I missed you”. You smiled and hugged each other.

When you look over you see Christopher and you both immediately start laughing at each other for no reason like normal. He hasn't changed much since the last time I saw him. He is still goofy and adorable and you hug him laughing. After laughing with Chris you look over to see Richard he looks at you and then looks down for a moment, you ask him if he is okay. He says yeah and you give him a confused look but you still hug him. Then you see Zabdiel, he smiles at me and stretches out his arms, and blurts out "I love you". Dead silence fell between the six of you, you stared at him and were about to speak he quickly turned and ran into the hotel. You are about to go after him but they tell you to wait a few minutes. You reluctantly agree and grab your bags, they help out but you ask Richard to stay back real quick to chat.

The other boys look but don't say anything, you ask him what is going on because he has been acting differently recently. He said in a higher pitch than normal "everything is okay'' you step in front of him and tell him to stop lying to you. He sighs and lets you know that he was still thinking of what happened last time with the towel. I reassured him that it was okay and for him not to be embarrassed about it and let's have a fun trip.

He smiles and you both shake on it and pinky promises not to bring it up again. Both of us are back inside and y'all are both starting to get into the elevator and he is asking how college is going. You tell him why you needed a break and get out of the elevator and he says "That sounds like a lot to do dang" you laugh and said, "so do you and the other boys, another album videos and choreography." He smiles and when you arrive at the Presidential Suite he gets the key card and puts it in the door.

It looked stunning and you marvel at all of the stuff that was inside, you smile but then and see all of the boys except Zab. You ask where he went and they said the room right there and all point at it even though the room is supposed to fit 2 people we made accommodations. I walked back there and asked Zab if he was okay. He just stared at me for a moment. He got up and walked towards me and as he was walking I could see a smirk starting to form on his face. When he came up to me threw me against the wall and kissed me…

Stay tuned for part 3!

#cnco #cnco fanfic #cncowners #cnco imagine #cnco fluff #christopher velez #richard camacho #joel pimentel #zabdiel de jesus #erick brian colon #cnco richard #cnco chris #cnco erick #cnco zabdiel #cnco joel

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layce2015 · 4 years

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The Last of Us Part 2 (Joel Miller x Reader)

What If I Followed The Game's Story (Joel's Death) pt. 1

(A/N: So I thought about doing some alternate chapters and in this one is gonna be if I had followed the story of the game, which means this Chapter will be (y/n)'s reaction to the death of Joel. Now, of course, this is NOT part of my story. This is just a what if scenario. I know this one won't be fun as people are still upset about Joel's death, I am too, but I just want to give you guys how I would've done this if I had followed the story of the game. So, here's what would've happened if I followed the game's story.)

As the trio gallop through the storm, more infected started coming at them from all other directions. Abby pulls out her gun and fires while Tommy and Joel steer their horses towards the upcoming gate and make their way through, as a group of people held it open. Abby's people closed the gate and a few started firing at the infected.

"Save your bullets!" One person shouted and a couple of guys throws some molotov at the gate, burning the group of infected to death. "Let's get inside!" A young sandy blonde man, Owen, said and the group starts to head back inside the mansion as Abby, Joel and Tommy dismount their horses.

They follow her friends and make it inside of the garage. Minutes later, the door closes and one of Abby's people turns to Joel and Tommy. "How you guys doin'?" She asked. "We're good. Thanks." Tommy said to her. "Yeah." Joel said as he glances around at everyone, trying to see if they give off any warning signals.

Both him and Tommy noticed that they had patches on their jackets. It was a head of a black wolf with the words Washington Liberation Front, or WLF as it said on the arms of the jacket.

Meanwhile, Owen goes over to Abby and whispers. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" She nods and the two go into the other room as another woman, Nora, comes up to Joel and Tommy. "You wanna get those saddles off?" She asked them. "No, no. It's alright. We'll just ride out the storm and get out of your hair." Joel assures her.

"Y'all got any brushes or a towel or anything?" Tommy asked her and she nods as she goes to get some stuff

"You are nothing but lucky." Owen mutters to Abby once they were in the other room. "You have no idea." She said to him as everyone started walking into the room. "How did y'all get electricity in here?" Tommy asked the group, curiously. "There are solar panels on the roof." Another man, Manny, replied.

"Where the fuck have you been? Who are these people?" Owen asked Abby, angrily, just as Tommy and Joel walk into the room. "How long have y'all been here?" Tommy asked the others. "Since yesterday." Manny replied. "Yesterday." Joel said, a bit of suspicion in his voice. "Yep." Manny said.

"What are y'all doing out this way?" Joel asked. "Oh, just passing through. You two live nearby?" A dark haired man asked. "We do. A few hours down the hill. Y'all should come back with us. Restock before you head out." Tommy said to them. "Appreciate it. I'm Mel." A woman, with short dark hair, introduced as she shakes Tommy's hand.

"Tommy. This is my brother." Tommy said as he points at Joel. "Joel." He introduced and in that moment everyone in the group stare at him, almost like they recognized him. This starts to set off alarm bells in Joel's head.

"Y'all act like you've heard of us or something." He said as he looks at everyone. "That's cause they have." Abby said and before Joel could turn around and do something, Abby pulls out her shotgun and shoots Joel's kneecap. He falls over as Tommy yells. "NO!"

He goes and punches the guy near him but another guy grabs one of his arm and the guy he just punched grabs his other arm and the two men hold him down. Nora comes up and pistol whips Tommy a few times in the face until he was unconscious.

"Nora? Clear?" One guy asked as Tommy's body flops down, unconcious while Joel was on his side, holding his leg in pain. "He's out." Nora tells them as Joel let's out a groan of pain. "Put him against the wall." Abby demands her people, gesturing at Joel. "Tommy." Joel calls out, painfully, as a couple of members of the group grab Joel by his arms.

"Get off me! Get off me!" Joel yells at them as they pick him up and push him against the wall and hold him. Abby kneels down to him, glaring at him with such hate.

"Joel Miller..." she said and he looks up at her, shocked that she knew his name.

"Who are you?" He asked her, angrily.

"Guess." She spat at him. He looks at her then at her friends, trying to think of who could they be, but nothing. He takes a deep breath then glares at Abby, defiant. "Why don't you say whatever speech you got rehearsed and get this over with." He growls at her.

Abby, upset that he doesn't know who she is, huffs out a breath then stands up. "Tourniquet his leg." She orders and Mel grabs a belt then goes over to Joel and wraps the belt tight around his leg, preventing him from bleeding out. "Ah, damn it...." Joel growls as Mel tourniquets his leg and Abby goes to grab a golf club.

Mel finished then she moved away as Joel looks up at Abby, who goes to stand in front of him. "You stupid old man..." she growls as she holds up the golf club and Joel keeps taking deep breathes, waiting for the worst this woman will bring him. "You don't get to rush this." Abby said and she raises the club and swings it at Joel's head.

"JOEL! TOMMY!" Ellie calls out into the blizzard as Shimmer gallops through the wind and snow. Moments later, Ellie comes up to the cabin and she sighs with relief. "There it is." She said and she dismounts Shimmer and makes her way down into the cabin.

"Joel? Tommy?" She calls out once she makes it inside. Then she heard cries and screams of pain. "Oh no." Ellie whispers, fearfully, and she makes her way down to the basement.

She opens the door and sees the horrifying scene before her. Joel was laying on the ground, his head beaten in and his hair matted with blood, and Abby standing before him with a golf club raised.

Ellie's eyes widen in shock then she opens the door wider and aims her gun but one guy, Jordan, sees her and jumps into action. He grabs her arm and tries to knock her down but she fights back. She pulls out her switchblade and slices at the Jordan's face when Nora and another guy jumps on Ellie and shoves her down. "Pin her down!" Nora said, firmly.

"Get off me!" Ellie yells. "Get her hands." Nora said and the guy grabs Ellie's hands and ties them up behind her back. "Get the fuck off of me!" Ellie growls. "Bitch." Jordan yells and he goes to kick her a few times.

"Look, you got her. Okay?" Another member said to Jordan as he pushes him back. Ellie coughs and looks at Joel to see the horrible state he was in then she glares up at Abby. "You're gonna fuckin' die!" She screams as Owen comes into the room.

"What's going on?" He asked. "Let him go!" Ellie demands but Owen looks over at Abby. "Who is that?" He asked. "Let him go!" Ellie yelled again. "She snuck in..." Nora said and Owen looks at Ellie then at Nora. "Why aren't you posted up outside?" He asked her. "We didn't think anyone was gonna show up." Nora said. "The hell did you expect!" Owen shouts at her.

He looks at Ellie then at Tommy before he turns to Abby. "We gotta get outta here before the whole town's on top of us." Owen said to the others. "You know what I want. And I still have to find his wife!" Abby said to him, through clenched teeth, and Ellie's eyes widen a bit at this.

Shit, she's talking about (y/n)! No! Ellie thought, panicked.

Owen leans closer to her and says, in a commanding voice. "I know but you need to end this before someone else comes. Now." He walks away and Abby looks back down at Joel. "Joel, get up." Ellie pleads. "Joel fucking get up!" She yells as Joel opens his eyes and looks right at Ellie.

Even with his head caved in, a million thoughts were going through his mind as he stares at her. Many things he wanted to say to her, and even more to say so she could pass on the message to (y/n), to have her tell his wife that he loves her and his sons and he was sorry for not coming home. But nothing would come out, he really couldn't make his mouth move. All he could do was stare at Ellie.

Ellie heaves then looks back at Abby. "Please stop! Please don't do this!" She begs as Abby stands over Joel. "Joel, please get up!" Ellie pleads one more time before Abby raises the club and brings down the final blow to Joel's head, killing him.

"NOOO!!" Ellie screams and she begins to cry. She glares up at Abby and her friends telling them that she would kill them all while there was a ringing in her ears as Manny walks up to Joel and spits on his body.

She couldn't believe what just happened.

Joel was gone...killed right in front of her. Fuck, how was (y/n) gonna take this? How were Aiden and Ethan gonna take this? Many things rushed through her head before Jordan walks over to Ellie and kicks her in the face, knocking her out.

*(y/n)'s POV*

"JOEL? TOMMY?" I yelled as I galloped through the snow, still looking for the two men. Then I make it to this cabin where I see a few horses near the cliff. I recognized them as being Dina's, Jesse's and Ellie's horses, so I made my way down to the cabin and inside of it. I pull out my pistol, just in case, and made my way down the stairs.

Then I could hear voices nearby. "Jesse! They're down here!" I hear Dina's voice shout and I make my way to the kitchen area and see Dina and Jesse talking. "Are you shitting me?" Jesse asked her and Dina, her face full of sorrow, shook her head.

"Fuck, how are we gonna tell (y/n)?" Jesse asked her and my heart stopped. "Tell me what?" I asked and both of them jumped and turned to me. "(Y/n)! I..uh..." Jesse stammers and then I start to get really worried. "Kids....what happened?" I asked, my voice shaking.

Jesse has this look of fear as if he doesn't know what to say and Dina looked beyond terrified. "(Y/n)...I'm...I'm so sorry." She said and I look between them, fearfully. Dina then gestured toward the basement door with her eyes and I make my way, slowly, down the stairs.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt like I had a huge lump in my throat as I try to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. I walk into the room and see Ellie and Tommy kneeling over something.

The last step creaked under my feet and Tommy turns to me, tears running down his face. I look over and, on the ground, see a body laying down, wearing familiar clothing. "(Y/n), don't...." Tommy start to tell me as I got closer and Ellie turns to me, her nose and mouth were bleeding which was mixed with her tears.

As she turned, I saw a head with graying black hair and blood caked into the hair. "Tommy...who is that?" I asked, my voice shaking, as I walk up closer but Tommy grabs me and tries to hold me back.

"Tommy, who is that?! Who is that?! Tommy! TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHO I THINK IT IS!!" I shouted, frantically, as I fight against his hold and Ellie gives me a look of fear. "I'm sorry." She said, tearfully, and she steps aside and at that moment, I felt my world crash down once I saw it.

Joel's head was bashed in, his blood splattered everywhere. A piece of his ear was missing and his face was so beaten in, he was almost unrecognizable.

The air left my lungs and I go limp as I fall to my knees, continuing to stare at Joel's body. "Joel?" I whispered and I crawl towards him. "(Y/n)..." Tommy said but I ignore him as I go up to Joel then slowly turn him over his back.

"Joel? Joel, please wake up." I said. Even though I know he's no longer there, a part of me didn't want to believe that he was gone. "Please, please wake up." I plead as tears start to form in my eyes and I shake his shoulder. "Come on, you fuckin' bastard! Wake up! Joel, please! Don't do this to me!" I cried, angrily, but he doesn't move or speak and reality hit me, like trainwreck, as I began to cry.

I bury my head in his chest, not caring if I got blood on me, and began to cry. "You said you wouldn't leave me." I said in between tears, softly. "You promised me!" I cried and I felt someone's hands on my shoulder.

"(Y/n)..." I hear Tommy's voice say as he tried to pull me away but I shove him off. "No...leave me..." I cried, softly. I don't know how or when but I was pulled away from Joel's body. I don't even remember who did, probably Ellie and Dina since I vaguely remember Jesse and Tommy had to pick up Joel's body and put it in this tarp Jesse and Dina found.

I just felt like I was in a daze through the whole ride back home. I felt like a part of me was gone and I'm just a shell of my former self. I could see people talking to me but I couldn't hear their voices cause all I could think about was one thing.

Joel Miller...

My husband...

My partner...

My best friend...

The father of my children...

The love of my life...

He's gone. I was never going to see him again.

How the fuck am I gonna tell our sons that their Daddy is gone forever?!

(A/N: So I'm gonna do a bit of a skip. This next part will take place about a week later, they've already buried Joel and (y/n) has been locked up in her room. Aiden and Ethan have been staying with Tommy and Maria. Tommy and Ellie's talk about what their plan is about the same as it was in the original game just that (y/n) wasn't there since she couldn't say anything. (Y/n) did tell the boys about Joel but all she said was Daddy's not coming back.

I'm sorry if I'm rushing this but I just kinda want to get through this. So this part, Ellie has come over and (y/n) let's her in the house and the two talk.)

I go and open the front door and see Ellie and Dina there, both of them looking sad. "Hey..." I greeted, softly. "Hey...can we come in?" Ellie asked me and I nod then opened the door wider for them.

They walked inside and both of them look around and I could tell Ellie had something on her mind. "Ellie, can we talk?" I asked her and she nods before I turn to Dina. "I'm gonna steal her away for a few moments, that okay?" I said, trying to sound light-hearted. "Yeah, sure. I'm sure you guys have alot to talk about." Dina said and I nod then gesture for the stairs.

"I have something that I want to give you." I said and I walk into mine and Joel's room....I guess I have to call it my room now, and pick up a box that had some of Joel's things. I make my way back out to the walkway and see Ellie looking at some of the pictures we had.

I got stand next to her and see her looking at that old photo of me, Joel and Sarah. I frown at it and gave a silent prayer that wherever they were I hope Joel and Sarah found each other.

"You know...I've always wondered...how did you and Joel meet?" Ellie asked me as she looks up at me. "I mean, I know you guys mentioned you met through your old job but like..." she stops as I stare at the picture. "I'm sorry, I don't want to upset you some more..." Ellie said and I shake my head as I smirk a bit.

"No, it's okay, Ellie. Um...actually...it's a pretty funny story..." I said, smiling a bit, and I began to tell her how Joel and I met.

(A/N: If you wanna know what that flashback is and you haven't read it yet. Here is this link that will take you to the story: How Joel and (y/n) met)

"After that, he and Sarah would come back to the coffee shop almost every day. I would talk to them and get to know them better." I said to Ellie as she listens, intently. "A few months after all the talking and flirting...Joel asked me out." I stopped and let out a heavy sigh as Ellie gives me a sad look.

She places a hand on my shoulder and I place my hand over hers. "I'm going after her, (y/n)." Ellie said and I look over at her. "I want to come..." I said but Ellie shakes her head. "I don't want Ethan and Aiden to lose more than they've already have." She said and I bite my lips, tears building up in my eyes, thinking it over and realized that she's right.

"You're right. They need me now more than ever." I said and I let out another sigh and placed my hands over my face.

"Ellie? (Y/n)? Can you guys come down here!" I hear Dina call out. "Everything okay?" Ellie asked her. "Yeah it's just....can both of you come on down." She calls out. Ellie and I exchange a look before we walk out of the room and head down stairs.

Once we make our way downstairs, we see Dina sitting in the dining area with Maria who had a piece of paper in her hands. From the look on her face, she was not happy. She clears her throat and starts to read from the paper.

"Maria, I'm headed to Seattle. I can't let it go. I have to make these people pay. Ellie is gonna try to come after me but stop her, maybe stop (y/n) too. Take their guns. Lock up the horses. Maybe lock them up. Buy me some time so I can finish this. Love you always, Tommy." She reads then looks over at us.

"He's going to get himself killed." Maria growls. "He should've taken me with him." Ellie growled. "You should've given us a group to go after those fuckers!" Ellie yells at her. "I wish I could." Maria said, firmly.

"So what now, Maria? You gonna lock Ellie up? Or me? Cause I'll tell you now that I'm staying here...for my sons." I asked her. "I prefer that Ellie should stay--" Maria started to say but Ellie talks over her. "That's not going to fuckin' happen!" She yells. "I prefer you stay but I know you better." Maria said then she turns to Dina.

"Are you going with her?" She asked and Dina looks up at her. "Yeah." She said, her arms folded across her chest. Then Maria turns to me and Ellie. "So are you just gonna sneak outta here?" She asked us and she begins to pace. "Yeah." Ellie said and her and Maria stare at each other before she sighs and looks down. "I told the stables to let you out with your horse. Grab some ammo too." She said and Ellie nods. "Thank you, Maria." Ellie said, appreciatevly.

"Just do me a favor and bring my dumbass husband home in one piece, please." She said to Ellie and I could see the pleas in her eyes. "Of course." Ellie said. "All right. Get going, you're losing light." She said and she walks out of my home.

Ellie and I exchnage a look and I nod at her before I look over at Dina. "You watch over her, okay?" I said to her and Dina nods. "Of course." Dina said and I give a small smile at this then I get an idea.

"Um, Ellie...before you go. There's something else I wanna give ya." I said and I head back up the stairs and grab another boxes that had Joel's stuff in it. I open it and pull out his revolver. I sniffled a bit and let out a heavy sigh at this as I stroked my thumb across the surface of the gun.

Then I head back down the stairs and to Ellie. "Here...I want you to have this." I said as I hand her the revolver and she looks up at me in surprise. "Y-You sure?" She asked me and I nod. "Just promise me....you'll make those bastards pay for what they did." I said, my voice shaking. "I will. I promise." Ellie said. "Good." I said and Ellie and I share a hug before her and Dina head out.

(A/N: So that'll be the end of this for now. The idea I had in mind was so long that I decided to divide it into 2 parts so the next Chapter will be like the conclusion of all this. And please keep in mind this is NOT cannon to my fic, except for the little flashback with (y/n) and Joel that is cannon. Let's say that this is an alternate universe of my fan fic. Hoped you enjoyed.)

@fangirl-inthe-us

#fandom #fanfic #fan fiction #reader insert #x reader #joel miller #the last of us #the last of us joel x reader #the last of us part 2 #the last of us imagine #the last of us joel #joel x reader #joel imagine #joel #joel miller x reader #naughtydog #naughty dog

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ger0nimo5565 · 4 years

Text

SPOILERS FOR TLOU 2 LEAKS!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED!!

....

Okay, I gotta vent.

I know we don’t have context and what not, but from my understanding the first half of the game you’re playing as Ellie, and then you’re playing as a new character named Abby. Now I don’t know if there are any sort of cutscenes about Abby in the first half of the game to explain who she is, and tbh it doesn’t really matter to me if there are iz he end result is the same.

So, from the announcement that there was going to be a second game and then subsequent trailers and content release, I prepared for Joel dying. I knew that was going to happen, it was pretty obvious it was going to. I’m even okay with how he dies in the leaks, as brutal and awful as it is.

BUT, then I’m forced to play as Abby, Joel’s murderer, right after these events, to then go hunt Ellie down and do the same to her, is a bit.....odd. Frustrating. Annoying. I get that Joel killed her dad (the surgeon I guess from the first game) and she wants revenge. I get that eventually Joel’s past would catch up with him, it wasn’t like Joel was one of the GOOD guys, he was a pretty grey character. However, that did not stop him from being one of my favorite characters, nor did it stop me from falling in love with the dynamic between Ellie and Joel.

So after killing Joel and being forced to play as Abby, I’m somehow supposed to empathize with her? To enjoy playing as her? To enjoy chasing down another favorite character I have an emotional attachment to? I’m supposed to like her? To WANT to play as her? To want her to succeed? To want to continue playing the game for me to literally kill another character I like? Why would I want to do that? Why would I even want to replay a game that forces me to play as a beloved character’s murderer?

I get what Naughty Dog is trying to do, the whole revenge is a never ending cycle thing. Yeah, that’s nice and all, but it could’ve been executed so much better (AND HOPEFULLY IT IS!)....it would’ve been so much better if we initially started as ABBY. We don’t know who she is or how she ties into our world. We know she wants revenge on some people for killing her dad and some of her people but we don’t know WHO. We go on a hunt for them, maybe believing it was the fireflies, and Ellie and Joel are also hunting the fireflies. Us, the player, believe Abby is on the same side as Joel and Ellie, we have a common enemy: the fireflies. We become attached to Abby, her struggles, her anger, her need for revenge. We want the same thing as her. They eventually come across one another. We think, oh cool, we’re gonna team up with each other! But jokes on us, Abby is now looking at her father’s murderer. We’re shocked, we’re conflicted, we’re confused, and we don’t know who should win. Abby kills Joel, and we have so many conflicting emotions. It switches to Ellie’s POV, she wants revenge on Abby now. And the cycle continues.

#tlou2 #spoilers #tlou 2 spoilers #tlou 2 leaks #joel spoilers #naughty dog

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cals-sunflower · 5 years

Text

Arranged (E.H)

Being a princess was hard as it is, and now you have to find husband and rule both of your countries together. You wanted to be a Queen without having a king but you knew your parents would flip out. Sometimes you hated having to be so proper and perfect. Missing the times when you could run outside and get messy without some guard telling you to stop or your mother scolding you.

“Y/n honey come here for a second. We need to talk”, your mother yelled out. Your body was graced in a long flowing purple off the shoulder dress that hit the floor. You had your hair up in a neat bun. Looking once last time in the mirror, you walked down the staircase.

“You look beautiful babygirl”, your father kissed your forehead. Your mom ushered you to sit, sitting down you felt a weird vibe. Something like they were going to drop news.

“We brought you here to talk about your courtship”, your mother started to say. You felt your eyes roll.

“We’ve arranged a marriage for you”, your mother finishs saying.

“Wait what”, you stated in shock that your parents have done such a thing. That certainly was some news to receive in the morning.

“He and his family will be here for breakfast. They came last night and we know he’s a good fit for this country plus his”, your father says. You looked between the two of them baffled that this.

“How could you do that? Without telling me?”, you yelled.

“Lower your tone with me young lady and it is because Merriborough, your country needs a queen and king being that you are of age to have the throne”, your mother says. You shake your head and looked away. Part of you hoped he was at least sweet or not wanting this just like you.

“What is his country?”, you questioned your parents.

“None other then Greencrest”, you mother said. You automatically knew who the prince was. Let’s just say you guys didn’t have very nice encounters.

“Prince Edwin Joel Honoret? I couldn’t possibly marry him”, you scuffed.

“And why not?”, your father asked.

“Because he is an impossible cocky little bitch”, you folded your arms across your chest. The maids that were setting up breakfast stopped as soon as you cursed in front of your parents.

“Watch your mouth”, your mother warned you. Just then you all hear the door bell ring, knowing that it was your future husband and his family behind the door, you rolled your eyes.

Edwin’s Pov

I can’t believe I have to marry princess Y/n M/n L/n out of every other princess who is fit. We only had about two encounters and neither of them went very well. She called me a cocky bitch like she wasn’t a spoiled brat. We waited outside before a guard came and opened the door.

“Hello Mr and Mrs Honoret come in”, Queen Jane states. My parents walked in with me trailing behind them. And there she stood, I have to admit she was one of the prettiest princesses ever but she’s too stuck up for me.

End of pov

You curtsy in the direction of Edwin while he bowed in yours. You guys whole an intense glare before you looked at his parents and smiled. At least you could be nice to them because they really didn’t do anything to you. The queen smiled back at you lovingly.

“This is such a beautiful palace you have here”, Mrs. Honoret.

“Thank you, I’m sure yours is beautiful as well”, your mother hugged her. Breakfast was set up at the table and everyone went and sat down. It just so happens Edwin was seated in front of you. You all began to eat and your parents made conversation with his parents.

“You are so beautiful Princess Y/n and I know you and Edwin would run both countries very well”, his mother says.

“Thank you Mrs. Honoret”, you smiled awkwardly.

Everyone was just about done with breakfast and then his father said something that made you choke on your water.

“Is it okay that Y/n shows Edwin around the palace?”, Mr. Honoret asked. Your father nodded.

“Of course, Y/n show Edwin around the palace”, your father demanded. You stood up and nodded your head at Edwin to follow you. He got up as well and followed you.

“And here is the library. You can almost any book here”, you ran your fingers across the book bindings.

“Wow I’m shocked for once you’re not being a spoiled brat”, Edwin says. You rolled your eyes.

“And for once you’re not being a cocky bitch. Oh wait, you still are being a cocky bitch”, you bite back at him.

“Well you’re the one to talk princess”, he walked closer to you.

“Don’t call me princess”, you crossed your arms.

“I’ll have you know, I don’t listen to little girls”, he stated.

“And I’ll have you know that I don’t listen to little bitches”, you pushed him outta your way and began walking away. Before you could get far, he pulled you back, pushed you into the book case and wrapped his hand around your throat. Just a firm gentle squeeze but nothing to hurt you. He leaned in really close to your ear.

“Listen up princess, I’m not gonna deal with your bratty attitude. So fix it before I fix that shit for you and trust me you don’t want that. Now let’s finish the tour, yeah?”, he looked at you once more before letting you go and walking away. For some reason you actually wanted to test his patience to see what’ll happen.

You continue walking until you guys got to your favorite spot. The garden was a getaway from everything and everyone.

“Here’s a spot that’s really sentimental for me. It’s my getaway from all my problems. Sure, it doesn’t last long but it lasts a good while”, you looked down at your dress and smiled slightly. That made Edwin smile because he’s never seen you smile around him.

“You should smile more. It looks good on you”, he looked at you. You looked up and made eye contact with him before looking back down and blushing. You were confused, was he always this nice? Why do you guys fight anyway?

“Come on our parents are probably waiting and plus it’s getting dark”, you guys walked back to the inside of the house.

#edwin honoret #royalty!Edwin #prettymuch imagines #edwin honret imagines #edwin x reader

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write-havoc · 6 years

Text

This Is How I Disappear Ch. 58

Summary: A girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After her former gym teacher finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for?

Fandom: The Walking Dead AU

Pairing: Negan/Original Female Character

Status: Ongoing

Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut

Intended for readers 18+ of age only

Masterlist

——— Negan’s POV ———

Martin stares back at me with eyes that are the same exact fuckin’ color as mine. “Y-You...?”

“I’m the fuckin’ son,” I answer, recalling what Martin had just said about finding out his father killed his wife and attacked his son.

“Oh my god.” Martin looks at me for a second and then looks around like the fuckin’ answers to his questions are gonna pop up out there.

I look around, too. Arat, Dwight, and Jesus flick their eyes away when I fuckin’ look at them. And Rick, the only other person still standing close enough to hear this shit show, is staring right at me with this weird ass look on his face.

“Uh,” Martin clears his throat, “I think we should talk in private. I know a place.”

“Sir?” Dwight cuts in. “You wanted to be on the road,” he reminds me.

I think it over. I do want to get back home to Chuck, but me and this fucker gotta talk. I mean, I don’t really want to talk about this shit, but this guy is my... my father’s son, I guess.

“Dwight, follow me,” I announce. “Arat, Jesus, get shit ready to go. I’ll be back in an hour.”

Me and Dwight follow Martin into a building that was obviously dorms before all this shit. When we get to a room on the second floor, Martin pauses and looks back to us.

“I’m just gonna check on my daughter first,” he says and opens the door.

He leaves it open and I can see a blonde girl, probably fourteen, sitting cross legged on a bed writing in a notebook.

“Hey, Dad,” the girl greets then looks back to me with a confused look on her face.

“Emily, this is... um, Negan.” He gestures back to me. “He’s from a new group that we are starting to work with. I’m gonna be down the hall talking with him if you need me.”

“Okay. Where’s mom?”

“I think she’s working in the kitchen today. She should be back in a little bit.”

Martin turns and leaves his room, leading me and Dwight further down to a room with a sort of seating area.

I turn to Dwight before we walk in. “Stay out here.” He obeys and stays in the hall while me and Martin go in.

“So,” I sit down on a couch and prop Lucille up beside me. “We share some fuckin’ DNA.” I’m trying to sound fuckin’ nonchalant, but really, I’m freaking the fuck out. I hate thinking about my goddamn father, and now, I’m gonna have to talk about him with a guy probably in a similar situation to mine. I mean, my father is his, too. And he brutalized this guy’s mom the same way he did mine, mostly. He didn’t kill her like my mom, but still...

Martin sits across from me and scratches at the back of his neck. “Yeah. It seems like it.” He studies my face. “You don’t look like-“

I cut him off. “I look like my mom. Thank fuck.”

He kinda nods. “Yeah. I look like him .”

“That’s why I fuckin’ asked you. I’ve tried to forget his goddamn face, but I guess I fuckin’ didn’t because one look at you and I knew you had to be his.”

“Did you know what he did?” he asks suddenly. “To my mom?”

I shake my head. “No. The last time I heard about that motherfucker was when they sentenced him for my mom’s murder.” I look down and shake my head. “I guess I should’ve fuckin’ expected him to do shit like that to someone else.” I raise my head to look at him again. “But I didn’t know he did that to your mom.”

Martin nods. “The police found him when I was fifteen. DNA evidence and all that. It was 1997. My mom told me his name then when they told her. I saw his picture...” He shakes his head. “The detectives said that he went to prison a couple years after I was born. So you were just a kid, too, I guess.” He shrugs and takes a breath. “Do you have kids?”

His question takes me off guard. “Kids?”

“Yeah. I have two. You saw Emily. Me and my wife have a younger son, too. We, uh... We never told them about my biological father. They don’t know that grandpa adopted me.”

“And your wife is still here?” I remember him mentioning her.

“Oh yeah. It was tough, but we all made it out. We’ve been living here for about three years now.”

“That’s fuckin’ lucky for you.”

He gives me a look. “I guess. But we all have lost something in this world.”

I change the subject. I really just want to get this shit over with now. I don’t even know why I agreed to talk with this guy. “So what did you do before this shit?”

“I was an investment banker.”

“No shit? You were a rich prick?”

He lets out a huff. “I did well. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a prick , though.”

“So you did well before and you’re doing well now?” I gesture broadly with my hand. I don’t know why, but the more he talks, the angrier I get.

“Yeah,” he answers, getting pissed at me, too. “The Kingdom is a good place to live. I don’t know about your home-“

I don’t let him finish that fucking thought. “You got, what, two hundred people here. Judging by what I’ve seen and the living space I was fuckin’ told about during the goddamn tour. I have hundreds of people under me. They are all well fed, protected, living their fuckin’ lives all peachy fuckin’ keen. So don’t even fuckin’ suggest that I don’t provide for my people.”

He pauses then lets out a deep breath. “We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, I think.” He clears his throat. “Do we have any more siblings?”

“Siblings?” I bite back. “We are not siblings . We may share a fuckin’ Y chromosome, but you are not brother. And that goes for any other poor sons-a-bitches that our biological father may have shot his DNA into.” I get up, grabbing Lucille so I can head out of the room. I can’t deal with this shit anymore.

“Is he still alive?” Martin’s voice calls out before I can open the door.

I pause and look back. “I sure as fuck hope not.”

We all get back on the road, but it’s a miserable fuckin’ ride. No one is saying shit. Dwight has his eyes firmly on the road in front of him and Arat and Jesus are just sitting silently in the fuckin’ back twiddling their damn thumbs.

“Someone fuckin’ say something,” I call out when the quiet gets to me.

Jesus clears his throat. “The Kingdom seems like it will be a good ally.”

“Yeah,” Arat chuckles a little nervously. “That King Ezekiel is kinda hot, too.”

“You think that low rent Medieval Times motherfucker is hot ?” I call back with a laugh. I guess that got my mind off of the shit show I don’t want to think about.

Arat shrugs. “I kinda dig his whole thing.”

“What about you, Jesus? You digging King Douche, too?”

“He’s not my type,” he answers with a little smirk.

“See?” I say to Arat. “He’s got good fuckin’ taste in men. Besides, you know that fucker’s got a thing for that tiger.”

Arat laughs. “He does not. You’re just jealous that you don’t have a fucking tiger,” she teases.

I chuckle. “I got Lucille and she does just fuckin’ fine, thank you very much.”

——— ———

“You know, that guy kinda looks like Negan,” Laura comments from her seat beside Chuck on the couch.

Chuck studies the tv screen as she makes the main character of the game Last of Us sneak up to a person and kill him. “Actually, now that you mention it, he kinda does look like Negan.” She laughs. “Don’t tell Negan, but I definitely have a thing for Joel.”

Laura laughs. “You have a type, I see.”

Her radio suddenly squawks to life. “ We’re half an hour out ,” Dwight’s voice relays.

Chuck gets up as fast as she can (which isn’t that fast) from her seat and starts to get her coat on.

“What are you doing?” Laura asks, standing up from her own seat.

“I want to meet Negan out there when he comes in.” She finishes with her coat, but struggles to slip her feet in her boots. Her big belly makes bending down impossible.

“Here.” Laura crouches in front of her to help. “You know Negan wants you to stay up here, right?” She gets Chuck’s feet into her shoes and stands up. “And Dwight said a half an hour.”

“Well, it takes me a while to waddle around. I want to be there when Negan gets in.”

The pair leave and use the freight elevator to get down to the main floor. Chuck just isn’t able to get up and down all those stairs, anymore, so the elevator really is the only option. Negan has made sure to keep it operational in case Chuck needs to get down to the infirmary in an emergency. But Chuck doesn’t abuse the luxury; she rarely goes downstairs anymore since Negan had requested her to take it easy.

Despite Laura following Chuck through the halls as her official body guard, all of the other residents seem to watch over her, too. They greet her casually, but she feels their protective eyes watching her.

It’s an odd feeling. She’s happy that everyone has embraced her and cares about her and her baby’s wellbeing, but at the same time, she doesn’t really like being seen as some helpless thing that needs protecting. Though, she supposes she kind of is considering she can’t even get her shoes on by herself right now.

Even with Chuck’s waddling, she and Laura get outside pretty quickly. So they wait by the gate for Negan to arrive. It’s slightly snowing, but it’s wet. The temperature isn’t low enough for it to stick to the ground.

About ten minutes after they start waiting, Laura lets out a huff. “Negan’s gonna kill me knowing you were out here this long,” she mutters, though she’s not seriously mad.

“I’m fine,” Chuck responds. “It’s not that cold.”

“It’s like forty degrees.” Laura rubs at her hands to warm them.

Chuck laughs. “I got a coat on. And I’m not cold. Besides, I’m sure women more pregnant than me have done far more strenuous things in worse weather than this, anyway.”

“But those pregnant women weren’t carrying Negan’s baby.”

Chuck laughs. “That doesn’t make me more fragile than every other pregnant woman.”

“No. But Negan is more protective than your average husband. In case you haven’t noticed.”

Chuck giggles as she nods. “That’s true.”

When Negan’s car pulls in and parks, Chuck can’t help but rush over to his door before he even gets out. She doesn’t even wait for him to open it, either, pulling on the handle herself to open it for him.

Negan starts to climb out of the car, Lucille in hand. “What are you doing out here, baby girl?” He wraps her in a hug and gives her a quick kiss.

“Waiting for you,” she answers.

“Shit, sweetheart,” he cradles her face with his ungloved hand and swipes his thumb over her skin, “your cheeks are fuckin’ red. You shouldn’t be out here.” He gives a quick look to Laura, who is standing behind Chuck.

Chuck giggles. “She said you’d be mad. But I wanted to meet you down here.”

Negan lets out a sigh. “Let’s get the fuck upstairs.”

They walk together, hand in hand, through The Sanctuary, but Chuck knows something isn’t right. Despite Negan’s friendly attitude and assertions that the meeting with The Kingdom went well, she can see a darkness in his eyes. When they get back into the privacy of their bedroom, Chuck asks about the meeting.

Negan sets Lucille on the coffee table. “It was fuckin’ insane, honestly.” He takes his gloves and jacket off then sits on the couch to slip off his boots. “I don’t think they’re a threat, but the king talks like a fuckin’ community theater Shakespeare production.”

Chuck sits down next to Negan. “King?”

“Yeah. Their leader calls himself King Ezekiel. And, oh yeah, he has an actual fuckin’ tiger named Shiva.”

Chuck lets out a gasp. “Shiva? Like from the zoo?!” she asks excitedly. Chuck and her mom had made regular trips to the zoo in the time before and there was, indeed, a tiger named Shiva there for a number of years. She was always one of her mother’s favorite animals and they spent a lot of time watching her in her paddock.

“Uh... I guess,” Negan responds.

“Well, there was a tiger named Shiva at the zoo in DC. Hard to imagine there’d be a different one in the area, too.”

Negan wraps his arm around Chuck and pulls her into his side. “So that fucker stole the tiger from the zoo, then.” He chuckles. “Makes sense, I guess.”

“So... Anything else happen?” Chuck asks a little hesitantly, knowing something must have.

Negan lets out a heavy breath. “I met- There was a guy there. Turns out he’s my half brother.”

Chuck sits up to look at Negan. “What?!” Out of everything Chuck thought could have possibly happened, Negan meeting his half brother was not even on the list.

“Yeah.” He rubs his hand down his face. “His name is Martin. Apparently, my piece of shit father raped that poor fuck’s mother and got her pregnant. Gave him his ugly ass face, too.”

“Oh my god, Negan. That’s... That’s crazy.”

Negan shrugs it off, but Chuck knows that it’s affecting him.

She runs her hand over his cheek. “Are you okay?”

He looks at her like he’s wrestling with what to say. “I’m okay.”

Chuck doesn’t exactly believe him. “Talk to me, Negan.”

He holds her gaze for a moment, then casts his head down. “It’s just...” He scratches at his face. “The same man raped two different women. Had two different fuckin’ sons. One got to live with two fuckin’ parents that loved him. Had a fancy ass fuckin’ job and rode out the goddamn apocalypse with his wife and two kids fully intact.” As he speaks, he starts to sound more and more bitter. “One got to move ten times before he turned eighteen and lost every- fuckin’ -thing he ever loved.”

Chuck knows what he means, but she can’t help but feel a sting at his words. “Not everything,” she responds meekly.

Negan turns to her and sets his hand on her stomach. “I didn’t fuckin’ mean...”

“I know.” Chuck leans forward to kiss him on the cheek. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me. That I’m here for you. I want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy, sweetheart. You don’t have to fuckin’ worry.”

Chuck hates that Negan’s past still haunts him. Even though he’s made some headway with moving past his guilt for what happened with Lucille, he still has more painful chapters from his life that he really hasn’t dealt with.

With the temperatures continuing to drop, all of the settlements, including The Kingdom, start to clear out the dead zones. It takes about a week to systematically kill all the dead ones and burn the bodies, but it all goes off without a hitch.

Because this operation is so heavily planned, Negan has to spend a lot of time in the radio room coordinating with all the teams. That means that Chuck doesn’t get to see him much during the day. And when he comes home, he doesn’t even mention his half brother that lives at The Kingdom, like that bombshell was never even dropped.

Chuck doesn’t want to push him into having to deal with it, but she thinks it might be unhealthy to completely push it all away. Despite how good Negan is at hiding his feelings, Chuck can tell that he’s being affected by the knowledge that his father has another son out there. Unsure of what to do about all of it, Chuck decides to just be supportive and to keep Negan happy.

While Negan is busy downstairs one day, Chuck enlists Sherry to help her with a special dinner. Since Negan is still the one that always makes dinner for the pair, Chuck doesn’t have too much experience in the kitchen, especially with anything fancy. But Sherry provides the recipe, ingredients, and detailed instructions for Chuck to follow.

Chuck knows about when Negan will come home, so she times out the meal to be ready for then. She gets the steaks seasoned and on the electric grill, baked potatoes in the oven, and mixed vegetables on the stove. She even found a nice bottle of wine for Negan. None for her, of course.

When Negan comes home right on time, Chuck turns back to look at him entering the kitchen.

“Something smells fuckin’ awesome.” Negan wraps his arms around Chuck from behind and kisses her cheek. “Whatcha doing in here?” He takes the spatula out of Chuck’s hand and checks the steaks himself. “The bigger one mine?”

“Yeah. I think it should be about done.”

“Looks fuckin’ perfect, sweetheart. I’ll do the plates up.”

“No.” She turns around and pushes him slightly back. “Let me. Just go sit down.”

As she starts to put all the food on the plates in the fanciest way she possibly can, she hears Negan uncork the bottle of wine. She carries the food to the table just as Negan pours himself a glass.

“I was gonna do that for you,” Chuck says as she sets Negan’s plate in front of him.

“It’s okay.” He looks up at her with a smirk. “I got it.”

Chuck sits down with her plate, but she doesn’t start eating. She waits for Negan to take his first bite, eager to see if she did a good job with Sherry’s recipe.

Negan cuts into the steak and takes a big bite, groaning around the food in his mouth. “Fuck me, that’s good.”

Chuck smiles. “Really?”

He swallows the bite. “Yeah, baby. This is fuckin’ awesome.”

Chuck beams at his praise. “Good. I’m glad.” Chuck starts in on her own food.

He takes bites of the other dishes and approves of them as well. “So what did I do to deserve all this?”

Chuck clears her throat. “You take such good care of me that I thought I should take care of you for once.”

Negan chuckles. “You take real good fuckin’ care of me, sweetheart.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

“I don’t mean that .” She giggles. “I mean... everything else.”

“I like taking care of you,” he replies more seriously.

“I know. But I’m your wife, so I should help out, too.”

“Baby girl, you’re eight months pregnant. All you gotta do is fuckin’ finish cooking that bun in your oven.”

After they finish eating, Negan clears the plates before Chuck gets the chance to.

“I can get the dishes,” she tries.

“No fuckin’ way, baby girl. After you slaved away at that awesome fuckin’ dinner for me, the least I can do is the goddamn dishes. Besides, you need to keep off your feet.”

Chuck knows that it’s useless to fight him, so she goes back into the bedroom and changes into her oversized nightshirt to get more comfortable. But her special night isn’t done yet. She roots around in the closet and finds that old familiar chess set and brings it back out to the kitchen.

When Chuck starts to set the board up on the kitchen table, Negan looks back at her from where he’s finishing up the dishes.

“You want to play chess?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah. We haven’t played in a while. I thought you might want to.”

Negan lets the water out of the sink and walks to the table. “Okay...”

She looks up at him as he looks down at her. “What?” she asks, not really understanding why he’s acting suspicious of her.

“Nothing.” He sits down and they start to play.

Chuck isn’t exactly playing her best, having pregnancy brain still affect her, so she loses pretty quickly. “Shoot. That wasn’t a very good game. You wanna play again? I’ll try to do better.”

“What’s going on, Chuck?” Negan suddenly asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on. I’m not an idiot.”

“I just... wanted to do something nice,” she responds with a shrug. “I can’t just be nice?”

“Sure, you’re fuckin’ nice, but not ‘planned out dinner and entertainment’ kinda nice.”

“Maybe I am now.”

“Chuck,” he chides, easily looking through Chuck’s words.

“I wanted to make you happy. You know, after what you learned about your father. You haven’t talked about it all week, so I wasn’t sure if it bothered you. I just...” she shrugs, “I want you happy.”

He lets out a sigh. “I’m fuckin’ happy, okay? But, you know... You’re one to talk about dealing with past shit,” he says almost teasingly.

“What?”

“You’re just as bad as me about it. You tell me the bare fuckin’ minimum about what’s bothering you, then say ‘I’m okay’ and that’s the end of it. Shit, baby girl, all the shit you’ve been through and you barely talk about it.”

Chuck nods slowly. “I guess we have that in common. But... we should talk to each other, right?”

Negan nods, but keeps his head down. “Yeah. That shit’s been bothering me. I hate that my father hurt another woman. Honestly, he probably hurt even more than that. But the thing I hate most about all this shit is that Martin had a good fuckin’ life.” He looks over to Chuck. “How fuckin’ selfish is that? What kinda piece of shit thinks that way? But that’s all I’ve thought about. How I got beaten regularly and he had Sunday fuckin’ dinners. How I turned out to be a fuckin’ adulterer and he’s a family man. We were born the same fuckin’ way by the same goddamn man, but I got shit and he got everything.”

Chuck reaches over and lays her hand on top of his. “Your childhood was horrible, but you turned out good despite it. You’re a good man. You’ve saved countless lives. You keep us all safe. You lead . Martin can’t say that.”

Negan nods, but it’s not very convincing.

“I know a little bit about what you’re feeling. When my dad died, I thought, ‘Why couldn’t it have been someone else? Why couldn’t that drunk driver have hit another car?’ And that’s kinda horrible to think, to wish a death on another family. But I loved my dad so much and I just wanted him back.” A tear slips down Chuck’s cheek, but Negan is quick to wipe it away. “But it’s human nature to think like that. Because we didn’t deserve what happened to us. You didn’t deserve to have a horrible childhood and I didn’t deserve to lose my dad.”

“It’s still shitty.”

“Yeah. But no matter what, you didn’t deserve to be abused by your father. Or to lose your mother. Or Lucille. And I know you feel like you did. I can relate, I guess. I know I didn’t deserve to be hurt by the guys at Rolling Acres or Brendon or Eldritch, but part of me thinks I’m to blame.”

“No,” Negan is quick to say. “That’s not true. You did absolutely nothing that would warrant what those fuckers did to you.”

“I know.” She shrugs a shoulder. “But it’s easy to think about what more I could’ve done to stop it all from happening. And that’s why I don’t like talking about it. I’m afraid you’ll realize that I could’ve done more.”

Negan stands from his seat and moves to crouch beside Chuck. He takes her hands in his and kisses both of them. “I would never ever blame you for all that shit. I blame myself before I blame you.”

“I don’t want you to blame yourself, Negan. I just...” she lets out a heavy breath. “I guess both of us need to work on getting over our pasts before Maddie comes. I want her to be able to talk to us about anything, so we need to be good examples. We need to be open for her.”

Negan stands and helps Chuck to stand, too. “Alright, baby girl. Let’s get it all out.”

They go back into their bedroom and settle down on the couch for an emotional discussion.

“You sure you want to hear all my shit?” Negan asks.

Chuck nods. “If you want to hear mine.”

Negan sighs heavily. “Where should I fuckin’ start?” He runs his hand down his face. “I mean, I’ve talked about my childhood with you before. I’ve told you more things than I’ve told anybody. Even Lucille, I think. She could never wrap her head around it. Her family was fuckin’ perfect. She never dealt with any fuckin’ darkness in her whole life. Except me, I guess.” He chuckles, but not in humor. “I never wanted to upset her with tales of my shitty life. Like how my father broke my arm when I was five because I got goddamn marker on the carpet. Or how I had to help my mom get her shoulder back in fuckin’ place after my father threw her against the wall. I think I was eleven.”

“I don’t know how anyone could do that to their wife and son.”

“My father was a monster. The worst person I’ve ever fuckin’ met. Worse than the dead fucks that walk this earth.” Negan’s eyes start to well up. “When Lucille couldn’t get pregnant, part of me thought it was for the fuckin’ best. Because I thought maybe I would turn into a fuckin’ monster like him.”

“Oh Negan.” Chuck cradles his face in her hands. “You’re nothing like him. You’ll never be anything like him.”

“I’m so fuckin’ afraid I have the same genes in me that made my father a piece of shit. But I always convinced myself that I’m more like my mom because I look like her. But fuckin’ Martin looks like a goddamn clone of my father and he’s fuckin’ perfect . So maybe I do-“

“You don’t, Negan,” Chuck interrupts. “You don’t . The fact that you’re afraid that you do proves you don’t.”

“I had a fuckin’ panic attack when I told the wives you were pregnant,” he blurts out. “Right in front of them.”

“You did?” Chuck didn’t know that Negan ever had a panic attack before. He’s never mentioned it.

“They thought I got you pregnant on fuckin’ purpose to force you to become my wife. And it made me think that... maybe I fuckin’ did and I didn’t realize it. Maybe that part of me that I got from my father woke up and made me do it.” Negan’s tears start to roll down his cheeks to pool in his beard. “Because it was just a split fuckin’ second. That’s all it took. A split second of me not fuckin’ thinking of you and what you wanted. Only what I wanted. And it was enough to make me lose control.” He lets out a sob and looks away.

“Negan, it’s okay.” Chuck starts to cry, too. She’s only seen Negan this emotional once before and it has her own emotions building, as well.

He brings his hands up to cover his face. “I did exactly what my fuckin’ father did. I trapped you into being with me. How the fuck can you love me?”

Chuck pulls his hands away and forces him to look at her. “You didn’t. You didn’t force me. I wanted to have sex with you that night. I didn’t talk about using protection. The responsible adult thing to do would have been to discuss everything beforehand, but neither of us did that. I know I was freaked out at first when we found out about the baby, but I know in my heart you would never do anything like what your father did.” She wipes away Negan’s tears and kisses his cheek. “I love you, Negan. And I love our baby. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

Negan leans forward and puts his forehead to hers. “I never want to be one of the men that has hurt you,” he whispers. “You’ve gone through so fuckin’ much.” He kisses her then pulls back to look at her. “I never want anything fuckin’ bad to happen to you ever again.”

“I know I’ve had bad stuff happen to me. And it still hurts sometimes, but knowing that you’ll be there for me really helps. After you brought me here... I didn’t tell you the details of everything that happened at Rolling Acres...”

“You don’t have to tell me, sweetheart. I know what those fucks did to you.”

Chuck nods. “After that, I just felt like I was nothing. Then, with Brendon, he made me feel like nothing, too. Like I was just some pawn in a game that I was too weak to play.“ Chuck takes in a deep breath then exhales. “Eldritch scared me more than anything because he wasn’t just threatening me, he was threatening her, too.” Chuck places her hands on her round belly. “And I don’t know what I would’ve done if my actions got her hurt. If I lost her because I couldn’t get myself out. If I made you lose her...” Chuck can’t finish her thought and holds her hand up to her mouth to stifle a sob.

“Hey, hey.” Negan wipes Chuck’s cheeks and puts his arm around her in a hug. “It’s okay, baby girl. Don’t get worked up, okay? I think we’ve both opened the fuck up enough for one night.” He gives her a little kiss. “Okay?”

Chuck nods.

Negan helps her get into bed and situates all the pillows the way Chuck likes before sliding in behind her. Right before Chuck drifts off to sleep, Negan’s voice rouses her.

“Chuck?” he whispers.

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re making me a better man.”

Chuck can’t help but smile wide as Negan wraps his arm around her belly. And right at the same time, Maddie starts to kick.

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