#okay i understand that im saying this from a privileged position as someone who lives and grew up in a very diverse area

[miyuecakes]

as someone who is aware that i have an art style/character design preferences that make it very clear i'm ESEA, can i just say that hetalia fanart makes it very telling when someone has never met anyone from an ethnic group/relied on google images (whose algorithm is filled with biases) for reference

#not art #disk horse #okay i understand that im saying this from a privileged position as someone who lives and grew up in a very diverse area #however ive also learned how people look by watching free documentaries; local tv eg korean variety; other image sites that arent google #and also just talking to online friends. if u have access to the internet u have access to a lot of things #im mostly talking wrt to representations of esea and depictions of ethnic features (not fashion) btw since thats my arena #with sea its more universal esp wrt to skin tone #but for easia particularly ... who is going to tell people we dont all look sculpted or are fashionistas #thats why i gave south china a variety of features #many of them being based on my own family

[chemicalarospec]

hi im a terf misandrist following you . just letting you know i will be spreading your posts to radblr and everyone will know youre one of us :)

On the off chance you take a look at this response (let's be honest, who's really gonna follow-up on a hate anon, but you did say you're my follower), let's start with the important thoughts I have for you: what is it that makes the men evil? The testostrone? Why, then all women are evil too, because that's a universal hormone! The Y chromosome? I'm not famaliar with TERF ideology but what about intersex women, who were raised as women and live as women and might not even know? Do TERFs reject these poor, innocent women, victim to biological diversity? Is it the fact that men occupy the privileged position in society? Well, then if you enact your dream society and subjugate men and institute a matriarchy, wouldn't all women become evil?

And spend a moment thinking about how much it hurts to be known as someone you're not -- something I assume you understand since you appear to be attempting to threaten me with it. Think about hating your body, and how horrible that would be if you felt that way about the place in society you take. Why do you inflict such pain upon people, for such little benefit? You try to protect the norms of society or the division of men and women, yet both of those things have been very different across cultures and times.

From your attitude, I may be talking to the King TERF themself here, but, hey, it's worth a shot. Consider these things.

Okay now on to the normal response (if you want to get in a catfight and not debate, start here) because, despite how much I try, I am a person of very little patience and sometimes I just want to let it out.

I love how you started out so frightening and then just gave the least impactful threat of all time. I guess that would be scary to people who TERFwatch all the time and are terrified as being percieved as bigoted idiots? But, believe it or not, I actually have more than one active brain area and didn't even think to feel fear at that. And I instantly took "everyone" to mean "all FARTs" (usually I don't deal in useless insults but now really seems like the time) because most of this website already has yall blocked and nobody likes TERFs but TERFs. Hey, maybe that's a hint that your ideology doesn't make any sense in the real world when you take a step back!

If "everyone knowing [I'm] a [person completely lacking empathy and intelligence]" is your goal I don't see how you will succeed because I have both those traits and share none of your views. But if you're offering to give me some free notes, I do have some other unpopular opinions, and I'd love to strike a deal, whip up a few posts, and convert all TERFs to being anti- magic crystals, witchcraft, astrology belief, and pseudoscience/anti-science attitudes in general! Just like your beliefs, these ones are not popular with feminism at large, which is a sign you should adopt them! (However, unlike your beliefs, mine do not involve making the world unsafe for for people who believe differently (not that I respect them, but I can let them live freely), so maybe they're not cruel enough for you.)

In any case, as I love blocking people and investigating things, you've made me look forward to carefully examining my followers to root you out :)

A threat for a threat is only a fair trade, so here's my threat to you: One day, you're going to mature. You'll realize that if your beliefs are shared by people who don't "believe" in evolution and climate change and tell people to "go back to where you came from" -- and believed for the same reasons --, they aren't the most measured and sensible convictions. You're going to realize that hating any one group of people and calling them evil, especially for something they cannot change, is worse than offensive and bigoted: it's illogical.

(And make friends IRL. I think that would help you get a sense of reality.)

#i said this #anon #terfs leave forever #tw terf #tw misandry #asks #discourse #i had more debaty bits #but i dont think i can get through here tbh #i just did the cursoary Polite Good Person Attempt lol #the Help instinct in me is just too strong lol. let me be mean

[stinkrascal]

While on the topic of relationships I wanted to ask something and I hope its not overstepping if so you can feel free to ignore this. Im a sufferer of chronic pain and I think there will be a point where I cannot work anymore. How did you go about expressing to your partner your unable to work and provide 50/50 and is he okay with it? I don’t know how to open up to my boyfriend because Im scared he will feel pressured or overwhelmed. Thank you for reading Jaiden!

hello anon! i was gonna answer this last night but i fell asleep aha, but you're not overstepping at all! i'll put this under a cut because it's pretty long

when we first discussed me not returning to the workforce, i basically just sat him down and told him my feelings about why i didn't think i can maintain a job. this was during covid, before the vaccines, so i still couldn't find work without significantly risking my health or his parents' health, since we still lived with his parents at the time, and his father is immunocompromised. i can't drive (i tried learning but it ended dangerously, that's all i'll say), so finding reliable transportation would be difficult. there's also the issue of our location, where at the time we lived in a rural town in bumfuck louisiana (we live in a city now, but still nothing compared to cities in bigger, more densely populated states) where job opportunities for me, someone with no education and no prior job experience, were sparse. and lastly of course i brought up my absolutely terrible mental health crisis, which he's witnessed firsthand, so he knew what i was talking about when i explained the deeper symptoms i'd been experiencing. i literally just made a list of all the cons and explained to him why i personally didn't find it viable, but still reassured him that i was open to finding work if we ever needed extra income, as well as reassuring him that i wouldn't be mad if he didn't agree with my reasoning, i simply wanted to put my thoughts out there so we could communicate our expectations. he is a very kind person though, so he understood exactly where i was coming from and we planned accordingly.

i also feel compelled to say that our circumstance is very unique in the modern day, as we had a lot of privileges a lot of people i know don't have. my partner attended college and received his bachelor's degree for free on account of his scholarships, so he has no debt, and neither do i. he works in a field where jobs are always in demand no matter where he goes, where the starting salary is very comfortable, and where growth is inevitable, and that combined with the fact that we live in louisiana which is a low cost of living state compared to many other states makes our decision a viable one. we also always had support from his parents, who have been nothing but kind and encouraging and have fully integrated me into their family. we're in a really privileged position to make this decision and i fully recognize that, and i understand that not everyone can make this decision because of various factors. so please don't take this as me trying to like "sell" this lifestyle or whatever, there's that weird trend online of the ~tradwife life~ and ~divine feminine~ and whatever, and i never want to seem like i'm shoveling that to my followers, it's just that the circumstances of our lives worked out in such a way where me not having to work became a reasonable option.

if you and your partner reasonably cannot live without two incomes, which is very common given how expensive it is to live, i would highly suggest discussing the possibility of you working less hours and contributing less financially, so maybe instead of working a full 40 hours a week you can take up part-time work, and pay for all the groceries/utilities while your partner handles the rent. instead of splitting 50/50, y'all can try something more like 40/60 or even 30/70 depending on your needs. try to emphasize the good this will do for your physical and mental wellbeing, and if it helps you like it helped me, i would make a structured list going through the pros and cons of your thought process! assuming you begin working less hours, i'd also recommend taking on more housework as a compromise, since you'll be working less. obviously you don't have to do all the housework since you're both still working and it's unfair to expect you to do all the housework while having a job and paying bills. honestly i don't work and my partner still helps with chores and he's responsible for his own laundry and cleaning his own office and stuff, so don't let your partner think you have to take on ALL the household labor while working part time. but still, try to level the division of labor by doing a few more chores, maybe doing the dishes more often, or cooking more often, or cleaning the shared spaces more often as a compromise, since you'll be working less than they are.

there's also a lot of remote work available nowadays! so if your chronic illness makes it difficult for you to work shift work, i would highly suggest finding something where you may work from home. one of my best friends works remote at a call center, where they provided the computer for him, he just had to find a way to pick it up himself, but otherwise he never has to leave his house for his job. there's plenty of jobs like that, so i would definitely try to find work like that if you not working isn't an option, but you want to find work that isn't so taxing on your body!!

sorry i rambled so much, apparently i had much more to say than i thought i did ahah. i really hope things work out for you anon, i'm sending you lots of love. take care of yourself <3

#jade answers #anonymous #it is very scary to talk about these things at first #but i think it's worse to leave things unsaid than to discuss things. even when it feels scary #it is better to list your expectations and your needs! never feel embarrassed for expressing that #even though rest assured i was also embarrassed when trying to express my own needs lol

[awkwardlywaffling]

man, somtimes i forget how much fandoms suck.

like. fans can be so terrible??? i tend to stay away from people, i reblog things i like i talk to people about Merlin in a server, i have a friend who is a fan of a lot of the things i am, but i stay away from fans in general. i tend to make my own fandom in my heart.

i love the art and fics that fandoms create but i turn away if it's smt i dont like. i dont go into deep dives with fans of a fandom because i cannot mentally handle it.

and this that's happened with heartstopper is reminding me yet again why i have made a great decision.

because of fans are feral and horrible and just plain jerks. they want and want from the actors. THE ACTORS AREN'T THE CHARACTERS and a lot of fans forget that???

like, i rarely know actor's names because while i love their talent and the characters they play the actor is like.... im not into the actor??

like i know a few, esp the more famous ones, or the nice ones, or ones that my friends mention, but overall you show me a picture of an actor and ill be like "oh they played this charcater is this". because honestly they are literal strangers to me. i do not know them. i dont care about their personal lives.

SEXUALITY AND GENDER is so fucking personal. there are still countries where it's illegal to be anything but cishet. you lot might jave the privilege of safe and nice but not everyone does.

even in countries where it's accepted and you are allowed pride parades, there is danger. in families, in friends, in acquaintances.

NO ONE owes anyone their orientation. no one is owed your identity. especially not some rabid fans who seem to not be able to properly understand the work they are apparently a fan of.

being fans of someone doesn't give you permission to know them. it doesn't mean they are yours. it means you like what they do THE END OF STORY.

how are you claiming to be a fan of something so positive and wonderful and then turn around and pull this shit??

i am. not surprised, tbh, that this is a thing that has happned. and that says all there is about people.

not every queer person wants it to be a known thing.

and that's valid and okay and fucking leave them be.

#heartstopper #queer stuff

[leanatulipa]

Episode 3 of Gossip Girl! I’m kind of binging but it’s fun. I kind of get the feeling that our girl is still mocking the rich which I love. But here we go.

- The song was awful and ridiculous and terrible. How conceited of a school do you have to be.

- Woah where did Jen’s sass come from? That’s a meanness I was not expecting from her especially towards her brother. Maybe it’s just sibling banter but now I’m paranoid

- Dad is gross too. It makes it so obvious how his behavior affects Nate.

- Blair is such an instigator. She does nothing but make issues for everyone and her influence is so toxic it’s infecting people around her. She’s just unpleasant.

- I feel bad for Serena. Like she’s still rich and privileged as hell and some of the stuff she says still bothers me. But she’s been through a lot like I understand her struggling so much.

- IM GONNA STRANGLE BLAIR FOR FUCKS SAKES SHES SO TOXIC. JUST STOP FUCKING TALKING TO HER ALREADY. There’s no reason for her to go out of her way to make Serena miserable because of something that SHES NOT ACTING ON. She’s not coming onto Nate. She’s not interrupting her life. She’s just a dramatic bitch.

- I hope Serena cooks Blair alive.

- Dude I’m loving Dan’s interview. I hope he does well

- I hope Nate crashes and burns.

- I hope Chuck dies in a fire.

- Damn Nate and Dan’s rivalry is impressive because it finally fucking exposing how privileged and pathetic Nate is. He worked and worked and worked for that usher position. And Nate, last in the class, swept it. I hate him and I hope Dan does amazing.

- I can’t believe people are pitying Blair’s stupid display.

- Blair and Chuck make a perfect couple for people I hate. I’d rip them both to pieces if I could.

(This show is gonna go on for years isn’t it…)

- Aw Dad is doing his best. They’re family is the best and most functional which is ironic but expected. I really feel for the Humphreys. Hope their lives get better.

- Chuck you sly, conniving, disgusting little bitch. How DARE you mock someone for such an experience that is awful and downright cruel. And same for Blair. I don’t give a shit how much she’s been through because of Serena and Nate. They are pure fucking evil.

- Poor Eric. I hope he’s okay in the end. Mom needs to stop pressuring and manipulating him into thinking he’s insane. The poor guy is being treated like a freak. His mother is truly awful to him.

- DAMMIT MOM IS GONNA BE A CRUEL BITCH TO DAN WHOS WORKED SO HARD. She needs to keep whatever petty drama OUT of that poor boys future.

- That is so deprecating. Refreshments??? For the second top student in the class???

- Honestly with her willing to use something as awful as what happened to her brother to ruin Serena’s social life, I don’t blame her for interfering with her future school. She’ll get in anyways. She’s got money. It’s not like it’s the end of the world

- Serena’s dresses are slowly improving. They’re cute and innocent. She’s not innocent but it reflects her personality as a more genuine/kind person well.

- See. She’s fine.

- Aw one of Blair’s friends actually seems super smart! I wanna learn her name now

- Jen and Eric seem like the best little duo. I have hopes for them.

(Time to remember all the colors I used and forgot about)

- Good point, he has actually important things to think about and focus on. Serena is still out of touch and obsessing over petty rich people drama instead of real life issues. She’s better than most. But still bad.

- I’m disappointed Dan is so cold to Serena tho but I mean fair

- Dude dude Nate helping Dan is actually so cool of him I’m not gonna lie. He’s a terrible boyfriend but a great bro.

- YES ERIC FINALLY GETS SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES THIS IS SO GOOD FOR HIM. Jenny and Eric are the best <3

- Blair is getting visibly desperate

- BITCH this is NOT okay. She has absolutely NO right to put that experience on blast for her own petty little bullshit.

- Holy shit Blair has instantly reached horrendous person levels. Big props to Serena though for taking the blow for Eric. Thats a serious big sister step up.

- DUDE YOU GOT CHEATED ON. SUCK IT UP. You do not get to go calling people drug addicts and nearly exposing very private information about people’s families. Getting cheated on is no where near as bad as your brother almost fucking dying.

- Dan is the best.

- YES ERIC PUT HER IN HER PLACEEE

- Oh now you wanna feel bad P L E A S E. You don’t get to play good girl now. You crossed the line. Start fucking walking.

- Dan is the BEST

- Okay seriously Nate’s dad is lowkey awful. He’s still a shitbag but I feel for him a lil more now

- ugh why are the writers making Blair a slightly more sympathetic character. She still has to apologize for what she did though.

- I am glad they’re finally talking though. This is good. This is healthy. We need more of this.

- ONE NATION CAN ABSOLUTELY HAVE TWO QUEENS IF YOU COWARDS WOULDNT SHY AWAY FROM HOMOSEXUALS

[pumpkinpaix]

this is gonna sound so harsh but im legit tired of chinese diaspora people who think that bc they are of chinese descent and they have pleco they can act like voices of authority in the fandom. if modao is the 1st chinese book you have read pieces of with a dictionary, if you have never interacted with the actual chinese fandom, you are not part of the intended audience and your biased opinion is not the One And Only Valid Truth 🍵

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree | this is really hard for me to express in terms of an agree/disagree axis lol

genuinely cannot tell if you’re trying to shade me here anon lmao 😂

this got long and rambly (of course) asldkjfslj. i would love to make the excuse that it’s bc i’ve got a migraine and had No Sleep but. let’s be real i’m always like this.

ok i’ll start with where i agree: i don’t think anyone has the right to act like an ultimate voice of authority in fandom. i think different people with different backgrounds have varying realms of expertise and they should be respected when they share that knowledge, but that the instant someone starts to use that kind of power as a weapon against people they personally don’t like, i think they forfeit that privilege. no one has the one and only valid truth about a piece of media because that’s fundamentally impossible. i have definitely interacted with diaspo who behave like their heritage gives them some kind of incontrovertible authority over everyone else, and they’re fucking insufferable and often rather cruel, even/especially towards other diaspo. meet me in the denny’s parking lot and fight me for real. i’ll kick ur ass. >:c

however, I also think it’s true that there’s a lot of dismissal of heritage fans in this fandom, if that makes sense, from both sides of the equation: non-Chinese fans ignore our cultural hangups because they’re inconvenient, and non-diaspora disdain us for being not Chinese enough. that puts a lot of us in a position of feeling disrespected just for being who we are, or having our very real knowledge and unique experience as individuals devalued because of it.

regardless of my identity, I have formally studied a lot of things: literary translation, media analysis, the politics of oppression, film critique, religious studies, philosophy, four foreign languages etc. and that is all knowledge that I had to work for, and work hard for. I do have a certain measure of authority on all of these subjects over a layperson (to varying degrees), and there are going to be times when i will be more correct than someone who disagrees with me -- but I’ve also absolutely experienced people talking over that specialized knowledge because of who I am, which is, to be clear. extremely infuriating and hurtful. like, i have cried so much about it in the last 18 months. people see my racial and cultural identity before they see anything else, which is understandable to a degree, but upsetting when it becomes the basis for how my work is judged, whether positive or negative. i don’t want you to trust me blindly because i’m abc. I want to you to trust me because you have examined my work critically and judged it to be trustworthy!

so i guess this is getting into the strongly disagree part of the answer: i’ve been speaking a lot with other diaspora fans lately, and it’s been simultaneously hugely relieving and also really saddening. relieving because oh thank god someone else Gets It, and saddening because pretty much all of us, no matter what kind of diaspo we are (north american, european, SEA, taiwanese etc), we’ve all experienced a lot of pressure in this fandom, from non-Chinese, Chinese, and other diaspora fans alike. we’re all acutely aware that we are not modao’s intended audience because being diaspora vs being “from the mainland” or whatever, are actually quite different things, but modao still feels close to home. even if it was not written FOR us it is still familiar to us.

and, because so many of us are multilingual and multicultural, we end up being the bridge between the “actual” chinese fandom and the english-speaking fandom, which is largely made up of non-chinese. (sidenote: I hate it when people say things about being “actually” any identity because it’s almost always for the exact reason you brought up: to use heritage as street cred. it’s like damn, being “actually” chinese doesn’t make ur opinions any less rank. sure you might be “actually” chinese, but do you have basic reading comprehension and literary criticism skills? no? ok then sit your ass back down) many of us are most comfortable in english! so we produce our content in english! but we also DO often have a somewhat privileged access to the culture that underlies mdzs and can explain it in a language that other non-Chinese fans can understand. so it’s not surprising that people flock to us for answers to their cultural questions. and like. if we think we know the answer, it’s natural for us to try and help. this is fandom! we’re here to have fun and find community! and it is definitely a little bit nice to have my culture treated as something desirable for once instead of just like. a weird exotic curiosity that no one really cares too deeply about. and, since a lot of us are able to do things that non-Chinese fans can’t (research in chinese, for example. ask family members for help and more information etc.) we end up just having more information to share.

I think this sometimes results in a tendency for fandom at large to put heritage/diaspo fans on pedestals and tout them as authorities (or use our conflicting viewpoints as ammunition in fandom drama) when the diaspo in question have repeatedly stated that they should not be taken as authorities on something -- and then, once you reach critical mass, your reputation starts to precede you, and I think there’s a lot of misconceptions of how a lot of diaspo act in this fandom simply because of that phenomenon. most of us know that we’re not ultimate arbiters of some kind of cultural gateway, and it can be very tiring both to be treated as such when we insist we are not, and then punished by other people who assume that we acted like we were.

i don’t think there’s a benefit in trying to keep en fandom and cn fandom totally separate, and I also think it’s unfair to consider the cn fandom the “real” fandom. i think that way lies deeper misunderstandings, gatekeeping, etc. i think we can definitely acknowledge the differences between them, but i think trying to make meaningful connections between fandom circles is really valuable! i don’t think i’ve ever made it a secret that modao is my first cmedia fandom? so it’s also the first time i’ve had reason to interact with chinese fandom, which has been super enlightening and interesting! i’ve made some super cool friends and learned a lot about how fandom works in china, how it’s similar and how it differs from the fandom i’m familiar with.

and then, kind of circling back around, there’s also a bit of a sense like, okay, so if diaspo don’t belong in the CN fandom, but we can’t talk about our own culture with some degree of confidence in EN fandom, then like..... where do we go...? if we see EN fandom doing something that contradicts our cultural knowledge, do we just. not say anything? do we not count unless we’ve already ingratiated ourselves to CN fandom? that’s probably where the core of my strong disagreement comes from, because criticism of diaspora fans as like, acting above their station so to speak, feels just like a tired continuation of the same shit we’ve had to deal with for our whole lives, being told we’re not good enough for anywhere and that we should just be quiet and keep our heads down and get over it. that our opinions, despite coming from a unique perspective with a unique relationship to the subject in question, are less valid or real than “actual” chinese people, you know? and sometimes i see that and im like lmfao just sneer at me for being jook-sing and leave then if you’re so eager to think of me as lesser.

so yeah, basically im of a few minds: true! diaspora fans don’t get to throw their weight around just because they’re diaspo. they don’t get carte blanche to act like bullies or try to shape the fandom to their own personal liking and crusade against people who disagree with them. they don’t get to pretend their heritage makes them superior to everyone else, and i think western diaspora especially need to be careful when asserting any kind of moral lens over the text to acknowledge that we have our own biases to interrogate. i am not immune.meme etc. on the other hand, this vein of criticism tends to put all diaspo in a bit of a double-bind, and also, however unintentionally, plays into the general, continuous trend of dismissing diaspora for being diaspora, and i’m really not about that. i don’t think that’s the motivation behind opinions like this, but i do think that when the basis for the argument hinges on the idea that diaspora are not “real” chinese, no matter how much I too have beef with certain diaspora fans, the argument needs to be revisited. 

(ko-fi)

🍵 ((un)popular) opinions meme

#Anonymous #asks and replies #cyan gets too deep in the weeds #race #chinese diaspora #statistically average #mine #mymeta #mdzs #ummmmm #politics #?? #opinions meme #ask meme

[t-lostinworlds]

Hey👋🏼

I just saw your recent answered ask and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one freaking out about not doing anything with my life and just wasting my time. But at the sametime I know am not the only one but it feels like it because all my batchmates just graduated here and back in ph (am also from the first batch of kto12. fck that curriculum honestly) I honestly feel bad because I only work as a barista but my batchmates graduated as engineers, finished med school and other high achieving courses and here I am haven’t even started my higher education. And it is also hard to explain to everyone around me because my white friends thinks that there is more life than a degree but in ph a degree is a huge achievement. Idk, im in a limbo for so long now and there is no one who understands my inner struggles and it is keeping me down all the time. The older generation thinks we are slacking off but in reality, the contributing factors in our generation are different from their’s and just a little understanding from them will be a huge help😪

hi! okay, first off, you sent this like...3 days ago so i am so sorry for the late response. just been in my groove with writing lately so i'm just been in a hole lmao. anyways!

but yeah i feel you. i am kinda in the same position as you with schooling, but it's more financial than anything else. and with regards to my job rn, it's a different path to what i am going to take eventually. and yeah that too. it is very very very different for someone from a first world country to say that a degree/advanced diploma is not everything, compared to people living in a third world country, on top of very heavy corruption and just as bad education system. not to mention, when you strive to go abroad or to start anything and a degree is a requirement to most things it's just...yeah. there are certain exceptions of course bc not everything in life is black and white. but yeah, everyone has privileges all in different forms and sometimes that privilege is as simple as being born in a certain country.

and it really does not help when everyone around you are getting to these "milestones" like, i have schoolmates who are now parents, married, some are still in school, some have graduated, some are working etc. i guess i am lucky that my parents aren't pressuring me as much since they do understand our situation. and i've been helping here as much as i can. but other relatives tho? yeah, i'd rather not think about it.

i guess i've just been trying to be thankful for where i am today. i kinda had a moment where i thought, one day in the future, i am going to look back at this point in life and miss it you know? like, i will miss just chilling & working from home, being in the same roof with my family + my dogs. so i'm just trying to be thankful for what i have right now. because in the future, when things will inevitably change, (when i start school again, hopefully) i will have to move away, so i won't get to see my parents and siblings every day, i won't get to spend time with dogs as much. so while i'm still here, i'm just going to cherish these moments before the time comes that i will start missing it.

idk i even made an ounce of sense with this. but overall, just take it day by day and always remember that life is not a race. every thing happens at it's own pace, you'll get there when it's time for you to get there. that what i keep reminding myself anyway.

#i babbled #wishing you the best love <3 #and by writing i mean planning this a.b. fic btw #i'm just trying to arrange the scenes properly for it to make sense lmao #don't expect when this will be done tho #or if it will even get posted at all lmao #answered: anon #answered asks

[ambitionsource]

hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

#amarakaran #ask and you shall receive #zay x riley #riley matthews #zay babineaux #aaa supplementaries #love them... i do

[merrilldidnothingwrong]

ok. so. the number one anti anders argument i hear from da2 is “i hate the way he treats fenris and merrill” and from a human / elf standpoint, thats completely valid.

however, when it comes to him and fenris in their banter, and how they trigger each other, it is a very different situation.

putting behind cut bc it gets lengthy, and mentions of abuse, slavery, gaslighting, ptsd

they are both escaped survivors of abuse and slavery, both on the run, on different “sides”, both trying to convince each other that they are right and the other side is wrong. and their side has had it worse. i dont know if this is a common thing, but i know for myself, i have been there. i’ve had “friends” that have constantly invalidated me and almost asked me to “prove” that my abuse was real, constantly gaslighting me to the point where I got angry and turning on them.

fenris and anders alone are not bad people. they are both fighting by hawkes side for 7 years in kirkwall, trying to help in this shithole town because people are suffering. the poor are suffering, anders runs a free clinic to heal the poor people, and fenris is always willing to go after the (endless) number of slavers trying to take people away to work them to death. they just simply do not get along in certain situations.

if you take them together during a quest where youre forced to make a decision templars or mages, they will both have their opinions, and talk about it to hawke, and bicker at each other. which, given their nature as people, and their background, is so normal. yes you will win or lose approval as hawke, but as far as their banter, you cannot intervene. which, does kind of suck, but you know what? hawke is not their parent. fenris and anders are grown ass men. they can fight each other, and they still work together. neither one of them threatens to leave hawke, neither one of them *actually* fights each other. they dont try to kill each other. they just fight with words. (which yes, as someone whose suffered emotional abuse, i know how much words hurt). but both of them say exactly what is on their mind. they dont let anything fester.

both of them take things too far. anders says god awful racist things. fenris says anders former lover deserved to die. (not to say that they are the same at all, just that these are the worst things that come to mind). as i said, they are both victims of abuse, they both suffer ptsd. not excuses.(i dont think kirkwall really knows about ptsd) they are caught up in the moment. they are triggered by what is happening with hawke, with the other, what is being said and done, and they feel like they’ve lost control in that moment. plus, neither one gives a royal shit about each other. anders, to fenris is just another mage. fenris, to anders is a templar apologist. all they have in common is hawke and a common goal to help kirkwall.

i’ve seen some pretty nasty fenris hate, but a lot of anders hate comes down to old fashioned ableism. he “whines” too much. he talks too much about his trauma. talk about a privileged position. i guess if youve never been traumatized, it would be “annoying”. or maybe you have, or you had a good support system. you had a good therapist or friends / family. lots of people have not. anders had nobody, except maybe karl, who was immediately killed. anders had the warden, who we don’t really know where they are. and justice. who we know is a part of anders, but they dont really ‘talk’, they more feel each other.

fenris is open and honest about his trauma, and is pretty good with it. (i think). he sits down and has a conversation about it over a bottle of wine. anders talks about it here and there. he is open about it, but hes full of anger, rightfully so. hes not angry at hawke, in fact hes very appreciative for hawke. and if youre blue/purple he shows affection and appreciation for it. (both anders and fenris get hostile at a hawke that is rivaling them, thankfully).

point is, survivors are allowed to be angry. survivors are allowed to talk about their trauma. hawke is their friend, other companions are their friend too. if other companions can randomly talk about their lives, their sex lives and random shit, it should be assumed that heavy topics are okay.

at any rate, yes, as a human, anders is an asshole. (not for the chantry explosion, that was completely necessary) but, his trauma is completely valid. and im sick and fucking tired of that being erased. people in this fandom have sympathy for cullen??? but not anders??? cullen made a CHOICE to be a templar. anders did no such thing.

people always want fenris and anders to be friends, but honestly, within da2, i dont see that happening. maybe, years after. not necessarily when the mage vs templar shit is over, because that never really ends, but when they get some time alone, to think things over. to REALLY get to heal. to get some self love, reflection, everything they need. then they can meet on equal ground.

forewarning - this is not an invite for anti anders people to chime in with their hatred of him. i love anders. i understand him in ways i cant quite write yet.

#anti slavery #abuse #i will block anybody with their shitty anti anders hate

[boywizard-moved]

Hi, okay. So um I’m kinda scared to send this because I think you’re really cool and I don’t want it to seem like I don’t like you, but I also kinda tense up whenever I see things that are super anarchistic. For context, I’m a Bernie/AOC supporter.

I don’t know what your racial background is, so I don’t want to assume, but I also kinda think that my position as a poc has kept me from being pulled further left.

For example, whenever I see anarchists talking about the destroying the state (which I am aware is a quite an over-generalization, but I don’t know enough about anarchist philosophy) my mind immediately goes to “so then people can commit hate crimes and there will be no punishment.” While I am aware that our current system was built on racism and that is still very much alive today, there’s also some fears that I have about anarchy.

It’s hard for me to fully subscribe to it because when there’s a lawless society, people aren’t going to feel the restriction that they usually do. And while I would like to believe that people are fundamentally good, it’s hard for me to do that when I’m scared of taking a walk because someone might kill me. And I think it might get worse if government was fully taken down.

Plus when I see people saying that voting for a candidate who isn’t as far left as you is a bad thing to do (obviously not everyone, but I see it often enough that it scares me), it doesn’t strike me as someone leading a revolution. It looks like someone that wouldn’t have to deal with the ramifications of having their rights as a queer person stripped away, or that they’re okay with systems of institutional racism still prevailing, or numerous other things.

It just strikes me as an incredibly privileged philosophy. And I know that’s probably not the entirety of it, so I just wanted to send you an ask because you’re the most, for lack of a better word, radical person that I am able to contact. Sorry if this is annoying.

Hi! I don’t think this is annoying and I actually think about these things a lot. 

Personally, I think my position as a poc and a jewish person has made me lean farther left but I totally understand that we don’t have all the same experiences and influences ect. 

Disclaimer: I'm probably going to be really bad at explaining this and articulating myself. You should probably ask someone else for a better explanation.

First of all, does the government really address hate crimes? Are they really punishing people for them? All I can remember is disappointment after disappointment as even blatantly obvious ones are ignored or severely under-penalized. I’m sure that they do sometimes but the system is so deeply racist that it’s not really happening. 

As for the government being taken down and society after and all that, that’s a really long and complicated topic and is really not going to work like that. What’s going to happen and is happening is anarchists just resisting power and most importantly building care systems for marginalized people and communities. People talk about ‘the Revolution” as some monolithic event that will be guns and bravery and all that jazz and that’s a fantasy. Anarchy isnt about a lawless society but more about: ‘’hey, when a few people are in charge of everyone else they invariably do shitty things to literally everyone! Thats really fucked up and I think that people should have decent lives and not be killed by oppressive systems of government! We should help people.’’ I’m pretty sure Marxists or someone like that are for government takeover or whatever but im not 100% sure on that. 

Second about the voting thing: i see a lot of anarchist blogs getting harassed for ‘’being anti-voting blah blah’’ but rather they did vote but 1) criticize politicians, especially the ones they are going to vote for and 2) acknowledged that a good deal more than voting is going to have to happen to change things, meaning direction action 

As for people saying they’re not going to vote if the candidate isn’t as left as they want or whatever: that’s just dumb. Vote for what you have and realize that voting is the most basic form of action but its gotta happen. Voting is what most people do and is what we do currently to switch out our officials. 

I really hope I addressed this okay. Stay safe dude <3

#It's 2:30am so forgive my typos and my mistakes lol #Please ask someone who is better at explaining things

[rosemallowss]

Im so sad too with all that´s happening around TBWDOA, it was magical the first time that I listened it: so much life, love and humanity even in the darkest places of the world... I felt that the hope around it was more strong that any problematic subject... I know that maybe im being naive and self-blinded by my own privileges, but im so angry that the controversy destroyed what for my was so beautiful. I dont know if this is weird, but I wanted to talk with someone that maybe feels the same :(

Hey dude, I thought exactly the same thing. I actually still think it, but every time I see any trace of the show in my camera roll or the copy of the album, it’s so hard not to think about all the angry people. I think now that it’s been a few weeks however, I can fully hold a discussion about this musical without feeling guilty or sad. Despite what other people think, I really don’t believe that the writers has hostile intents at all. If you look at old posts like this:

You can tell just how passionate they were about this show. & plus, I realized recently that these guys tend to write shows about topics that are not normally talked about as well. Example: this show and ‘Talk To Me’– a show about a child who is on the Autism spectrum. I suppose you could kind of count their other show “With The Right Music” as kind of that? However I’m actually not totally clear on what that show is about since it wasn’t actually written to the end– though I think it is about a closeted teenager in high school. I suppose this counts because there aren’t that many musicals written about closeted teenagers. I truly don’t believe that they were trying to offend anyone– simply were just so so invested in trying to get a story out there, maybe one that was unfamiliar to them, and perhaps it was also bad timing that the full show was released? Or maybe they were just as naïve too when they wrote the show probably around 2015 (earlier?) I used to always get their attention (unintentionally I swear) on Twitter when I’d talk about the show. Those dudes were really kind. And they follow back a lot of their fans. So, perhaps it was just naïvety? I’m aware that they’re attempting to make it right, and they are probably at the moment in conversation with Afghan Americans. That’s important, and speaks more than words I think. I know Troy, Nikhil, Sittichai, and Jonathan have been under fire. Troy has gone silent and if I’m not mistaken I think Sittichai and Jonathan as well? Other actors in the show such as Osh (Zemar) and though a small appearance– Shiv Pai (future Paiman’s son) have gotten no such comments I realize. Maybe the show was bad timing. Perhaps it would’ve had a more positive outcome in terms of rising popularity had it been talked about in a past tense; in a sense that “this practice doesn’t happen anymore” so that the setting is not modern day, but instead sometime in the late 1900s?Would that have made the show less controversial? Maybe? But we can never be sure. Would it have been less controversial if they minimized the extend of the abuse? Or removed that altogether and made it that it was simply two boys falling in love in rural Afghanistan who were coming terms with the fact that they were feeling this feeling with each other? well, yeah, because it would just be a love story in a different setting, and we’d probably see Feda and Paiman exploring the marketplace as well. If this was the case, I’d assume the conflict of the story would be homophobia from parents/internalized homophobia itself, or struggling to understand themselves. Another conflict could be something that many teenagers experience as well, such as fear of the future. Maybe arranged marriage could still be a conflict, and since Feda’s name literally means “sacrifice” he’d probably still have to die in the end. Perhaps they could have rewritten the show like that and the show would have little to no controversy? The music is incredible, and it could even portray the beauty of Afghanistan through their amazing way of writing music. I’m just brainstorming and rambling here, sorry! when it comes to this show it seems as though that I always just vomit out more words than anyone cares to hear. Let’s address why it was controversial as well though... Many were repulsed by the idea of s-x trafficking as a musical, and even more outraged with the musical being about Afghanistan. It showed negative parts of the country, and that would add on to people’s perception and dislike toward Afghans, which if you live in America you are aware of the racists’ stereotypes and disdain toward Afghans. (If you are naïve like me, you probably did not catch that as well. I truly forgot that there were people who perceived Afghans in a negative light. I was awed by the diversity in the show and so focused on that) I believe that they also have said how gay men are usually perceived as pedophiles as well and this show did not help to minimize that harmful stereotypes. I’m obviously kind of dumb because I didn’t realize that stereotype.

However it is true, because realized I often see this trope in fiction books about “creepy uncles preying on their nephews”. Though people don’t agree with the fact that it is a musical, I always saw it as a different way of storytelling. There’s a book called The Kite Runner that talks about the same topic in this musical by the way. I didn’t know this but my friends have had to read that book as an assignment in their English class. I thought, well, TBWDOA, it just tells the story through songs. So all in all, these were many of the points people made, and you cannot be upset with them for being angry. When I first listened to the show, I was aware it was controversial, but I thought the controversy would be something that can be discussed and debated while being enjoyed. Similar to how Hamilton is often debated for glorifying the founding fathers while still being a good show. However, when I replied to one comment because I thought that this was how it was going to go, I was bombarded with several other comments, I was called pedophilic and was told that because I was not Afghan that I should not speak and when someone said that, I realized “okay, I was wrong to think that this was an issue that could be debated!” I did not realize how much deeper it would be. As a result, I was flooded with comments from instagram and twitter and it was STRESSFUL and overwhelming that I just couldn’t sleep and had to take a break! However someone told me that even the most controversial, flawed works of art should be appreciated or discussed. It’s up for debate if that’s true. The show is incredible in portraying the strength of the human spirit— “find your voice, even if it’s weak, using it can make a difference that will lead to a greater change.” It showed a boy who used something that was SUPPOSED to degrade and silence him as a tool to lift him up and strengthen him– that was an incredible theme. He found power in the resources he could. Dancing was supposed to be something he could not decide, but he made it his own, would not let it weaken him, and used it as a tool to push him toward more positive hopes. There’s something so powerful about people taking back the thing that was supposed to weaken them, and twisting in into something that gives them strength. Though just because the music embodies the main characters incredibly and the message is empowering, we cannot ignore that perhaps, yes the show was quite insensitive to many Afghan Americans. It might take me several months before I can listen to any song from this show again though. But the show has such a special place in my heart, for making me fall in love with music theory and musical instruments all over again, for pulling my heart strings with incredible themes/life lessons, and the show embodying that theme in a heartbreaking final song, and then lastly providing a beautiful love story. Am I insensitive for saying that? I really don’t want to be, but a story like this has never made me feel like that before. I was intrigued by Islamic wedding customs and researched into that. I fell in love with the purpose of whirling dervishes, and fascinated by how beautiful that was. I watched videos about them, i read about them. Feda talked about an old Afghan poet in the show and god, for hours I looked up that poet and read the translated English phrases (didn’t finish however). I was taken by the beautiful geography of Afghanistan. I researched beyond the show to look at Afghan culture and I appreciated that. I understood that, of course this wasn’t a common practice that is active in Afghanistan. But I’m aware now that so many people will not see it that way at all. They saw the show as indulging the idea that this practice is apart of their culture which is not true, and the original theater did not market that well at all.. I want to hope that this was just really bad timing, that this show was misinterpreted, and in the future will be enjoyed and discussed rather than torn apart. I never like being on the controversial side of things, but, gosh, I don’t know.

But, I know exactly how you feel. And I welcome any asks/my messages are open for discussion about this show now.

#the boy who danced on air #feda #paiman #tbwdoa #city boys

[bunnyblooms]

OKAY FUCKER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THAT ASK MEME THE LGBT ONE

1. Identity and pronouns.

I'm agenderfluid and they/them pronouns. My sexuality is aroflux and asexual.

2. How did you discover your sexuality?

Pretty much at 14 was like "idk i don't relate to everyone else i don't find celebrities hot or sex remotely something i want. If i could reproduce without sex i would. Oh. I'll just call myself asexual, like a sponge!" (Which asexual is incidentally what the creators of Spongebob were going for, fun facts. Spongebob is ace rights.)

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? How do you overcome it?

Mmmm I am constantly misgendered bc I'm nonbinary and live in a binary society and the way I compartmentalize it is basically just dressing how I want and not making an attempt to pass as anything tbh. The only time I feel misgendered is when someone knows my pronouns and doesn't use them anymore tbh. So basically. Letting go of how I want to be perceived helped. I will say tho, I refuse to come out to my dad bc he won't respect it and it'll be more painful hearing him misgender me knowing how I identify, but. That's certainly a privilege I have since I'm not transitioning. (ATM at least.)

4. Who was the first person you told? How did they react?

I technically didn't come out as ace. My ex-best friend knew bc I talked about it, but neither of us knew it was an identity. So the transition upon finding the label was virtually nonexistent and all of my friends were LGBTQ as well so it wasn't stressful or shocking. It helps that around the time I discovered the label I'd met two friends who were ace and felt the same way I did. My experience with my asexuality is definitely the model that should be the norm with the community and what we as a society should aim for.

As for my gender I'd made comments in the past that I wished I could just be genderless and it really kind of sat with me when my ex-best friend came out as trans bc I was like "Oh? You don't have to be the gender you are at birth?" Belial from Angel Sanctuary was a character that resonated with me at the time, and this was right around the time I made my ace friends. It wasn't until a year later that I discovered the nb community and one friend who was genderfluid that I decided to start trying different pronouns. And basically I came out as questioning and transitioned to nb without a formal declaration, which I also feel should be the goal for society.

I was at a con with my best friend at the time who was trans and he'd come out with my now ex-best friend while they were dating. And I was really anxious bc I felt like ppl would assume I was a transtrender and shit, and my friend said something about gender and I kind of awkwadly implied I might not identify as female and he was really great about it! He was like "If you wanna talk about it or try different pronouns you can." :D

5. Describe what it was like coming out.

I pretty much did this im question 4 hehehe.

6. If you're out, how did ppl react?

I'm not out to family, that I know of. They found my facebook which has my identity listed in my about, so I'm in limbo with them where none of us talk about it so idk if they register it as an LGBTQ thing or not.

My friends were all supportive! It helps that I have like no cishet friends lmao.

I also came out to my class on TDOV two years ago for a project where we step outside our comfort zone. I'm luckily in the social work program which has social justive built into the tenants of the profession so it was pretty positive! People still misgendered me after and were more concerned with "but i'm scared of ppl getting angry at me what should i do to talk about this with them" which. 9__9 Not surprising. But there was a mom whose kid and her kid's partner are both genderfluid and bigender so it was a good experience and I had an ally which made me comfortable in sharing it in the first place.

7. What is one question you hate ppl asking about your sexuality?

Inevitably when I say I'm ace, non-aces assume I have no interest in dating which. Way to conflate being aroace with ace and ignore that there are aros and aces who want relationships. That's my biggest pet peeve.

8. Describe the style of clothing you often wear.

I wear flannels and ripped jeans or shorts mainly. I basically dress like a butch lesbian. I'll wear dresses and stuff but I do not like dressing femme and prefer to offset softer things with hard things. Like. When I wear dresses I have to wear clunky combat boots with them or have short hair or something.

9. Who are your favorite LGBTQ+ ships?

Hmmm. Depends if you mean canon or not. Canon, it's probably FigAyda from D20 and Catradora from She-ra. Shion/Nezumi from No.6 is also one of my faves. There's also Chie and Ai from Virgin's Empire. Blupjeans from The Adventure Zone and JonMartin from The Magnus Archives.

As for Not Confirmed ships, I like Flick/CJ from Animal Crossing, Tsuna/Enma from Katekyo Hitman Reborn, uhhh. Reigisa from Free!, Kanji/Naoto from Persona and Chihiro/whatever the fuck his name is Mondo? Or the other guy I forget, from Danganronpa. Also RenLaw, RenStrade, and VinceLaw+VinceFarz from BTD.

(I am including straight relationships involving trans ppl obv.)

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I hate how I look with make up it makes me dysphoric. But to me makeup is a good expressive outlet and bomb as hell, so when I do wanna wear makeup, I prefer wearing eyeliner and lipstick (esp in black or blue or green or purple) and glitter.

11. Do you experience dysphoria? How does it affect you?

I experience what I refer to as Silhouette Dysphoria a lot. I experience chest dysphoria but a lot of times it's less about me having them at all and me not liking how I look with them. The same goes for my hips and overall shape. Hence silhouette. I also experience genital dysphoria to a lesser degree, and when I do it's less hating my genitals bc they should be different but more just having any at all. Luckily I was born with internal genitalia so I don't have to think about it as much. Social dysphoria I also experience, but I've talked about that already.

How I deal with it is binding and stuff.

12. What is the stupidest thing you've heard said about the LGBTQ+ community?

Hmm. The ppl who genuinely argue that accepting the community means you'll be forced to accept pedophilia or beastiality. Like. Lmao no?

13. Favorite thing about the community?

I just love how great it feels to be in it tbh. It can be so positive and loving and just genuinely make you feel good about yourself.

14. Least favorite thing about the community?

Exclusionists.

15. Have you ever been to your city's pride event?

No, but I went to Pride in Des Moines!!! IT WAS GREAT!

16. Favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity?

I don't really follow celebrities, but probably Ian McEllen and Tim Gunn.

17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I was in a relationship for a while with a friend of mine and it was wonderful tbh. We met in a server and started talkng more, and started out as qpps then became partners and like we broke up, but I still enjoyed the experience and wouldn't go back in time and stop it from happening. My other qpp tho. That's something I would do lmao.

I also have a bf but that's a secret~

18. Favorite LGBTQ+ book.

I haven't read a lot of books, so I guess I have to say The Raven Cycle bc that's the only one I remember reading.

19. Have you ever faced discrimination?

Mmmm the only time I have experienced direct discrimination I was giving a friend valentines chocolate in high school and some kid called me a d*ke when i walked past him.

The other stuff is like. My therapist telling me to check for a hormone imbalance when I said I was asexual.

20. Favorite LGBTQ+ movie/show?

She-ra, "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything", The Runaways (the movie not the show), No. 6.

21. Favorite LGBTQ+ bloggers?

I don't have any lmao.

22. Which slur do you want to reclaim?

Queer, bc it's already been reclaimed and it fits me.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar or drag show? How was it?

Nope. Never, but it'd be fun!!

24. How do you idrntify your gender?

Already answered this lol.

25. Interested in having kids?

Nope. I'd be too scared of screwing them up.

26. What identity service would you give your younger self?

I wish I'd known there was an ace community before I was older tbh. So that, probably.

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I personally like playing a feminine role, but I also think gender roles are unecessary, so like. As long as I'm an equal I don't care what role I play lmao. If you wanna treat me like the handmaiden, as long as you're not doing it bc you see me as a woman I don't care.

28. Anything else you wanna share about your gender?

Nah. Just. I don't bother trying to pin it down anymore bc the more I analyze it the less I understand it.

29. Something you wish ppl knew about being LGBTQ+?

Hmmmm not really. It's fun outside of the systemic oppression?

30. Why are you proud to be LGBTQ+?

For me it's less about pride in being LGBTQ+ and more being proud to express myself authentically. 🤷

#lemonadelyric #lgbtq ask meme #long post

[thehaemanthus]

house0fsugar replied to your post “PSA that I like Lysander au Lune, I think he’s gonna get some sort of...”

okay i really understand this though! i want to see him redeemed because literally everyone in his life thats fucked him over (octavia atalantia etc etc) were in favor of the society and everyone thats had a positive impact on his life (cassius pytha his mother his idolization of darrow) doesnt fuck w the society and i just think like . it cld be such a healing process for him to come to the realization that gold ruling is so inherently flawed and fuck the society. but also w that ending im not super sure Pierce is gonna give him that arc :/ but i hope im wrong

I hope you’re wrong, too. I’m a sucker for really good redemption arcs, so I’d like Lysander to get one (complete with the utter annihilation and hitting rock bottom, please). 

I think Pierce Brown is telling a few different stories in these “10 years later” books, but they are all about people reinventing themselves in a new world. Darrow’s is about the cost of Eo’s Dream and all the work and pain and suffering that comes with the upheaval of a society. He was the revolutionary, but revolutions take a long time. He’s realizing what fighting for this dream is costing him personally and learning how to be the person he wants to be. We can almost contrast it with Darrow’s father, who also wanted to make a difference and start a movement. But he abandoned his family, and I think Darrow is going to find a way make compromises and have a bit of both.

Ephraim’s was about learning to hope again and care about something bigger than himself. His story is not unique, and it’s understandable that after years of war and drugs and losing the person who was a bright spot in all of that, he fell off the deep end. But he became better. He literally allowed himself to feel again, even though feeling and vulnerability is terrifying. He let himself make connections again and pushed past the fear that comes with loving in a war.

Lyria’s is how to grow in a new world, how to be an advocate for herself even when the odds are stacked against her. While she was a refugee and living in awful conditions, she herself remarks that she never did anything. She expected someone else to do it for her. This commentary on Pierce’s part is very interesting, because in our world (and in RR, I expect) people in refugee camps are extremely limited. Economies and a rhythm of life do pop up, but Pierce is also saying people need to take a little more responsibility for the world they live in. Interesting. Reds needed to fight the Red Hand (?)

Mustang’s is about coming to terms with privilege and not being afraid of using her power and intellect for good. Everyone knows I’m obsessed with the Augustus family, but that’s honestly where I see the story going. Mustang is wary of her family. She fears her father’s legacy, is terrified, horrified by her brother, and still holds a grudge against her mother. She needs to realize that the world she was born into gave her enormous power, and some of that power carries over. However, just because her family was bad doesn’t mean she will be. She can use that power for good, including to install safeguards so no one ever gets too powerful (which is sounds like she does). 

Lysander is the person who had a good life (or so he thinks) and then had it all ripped away. I would say “he doesn’t know any better” but it sounds too much like an excuse. His actions cannot and should not be excused (important component of a redemption arch). Through Lysander, the audience needs to learn exactly why the old way, the Society, is so bad. Because we’ve seen that the Republic can really suck at times. There is corruption and greed and violence and the audience has felt all of that. Lysander is the eyes through which we should see the bad on both sides, but ultimately chose the best choice. Which will be the Republic.

Pierce Brown likes his angst, but this is a story about hope. The conflict in these books is about testing the dream of democracy. What does it take to work? Where can it go wrong? How do we convince others this is the way to go?

It’s a mistake to write off Lysander. Be mad at him all you want, but the door has to be open for redemption. This applies in fiction and in real life. People have to know that you can come back from awful things and you can be better. If we want to have a moral high ground, we have to act with grace and forgiveness. In a narrative, that can only come with appropriate penance, of course. 

#house0fsugar #dark age spoilers #lysander au lune #red rising #dark age #man i went OFF

[jasondean]

i'm sending you the first thing i thought of when i tried to think of an ask to send you. so. here's this cursed thing. heathersstuck.

ohhh my god okay first of all im gonna preemptively apologize for how long this is about to be. 

another disclaimer that this is all gonna be based on my knowledge of the alternia that we see in homestuck itself because i havent gotten super into hiveswap yet. and, as we all know, any good homestuck au is one where the contending canon is thrust into the homestuck universe as opposed to the other way around. so im gonna spare everyone the painful ideation of plucking a small handful from the VAST homestuck cast just to put them into the plot of heathers

im ALSO gonna preface that im thinking about the heathers film while writing this, not the musical. and im not gonna go into anything regarding martha, betty, kurt, or ram because i think focusing on the main cast is enough for right now lol. 

anyway, potential positions in the blood caste system as well as god tier assignments under the cut!  

so ive definitely thought about this on several occasions and ive seen some heatherstuck content where the heathers are trolls right. the thing is, the color symbolism from both media dont line up. and the heathers being drawn to keep their original colors just doesnt work out with the hemospectrum. like no way is heather chandler a red blood or mutant blood (imo itd make sense for jd to have mutant blood). the heathers being red, yellow, and green blooded would just make them a group of lowbloods and that doesnt fit with the power structure depicted in either canon. 

heather chandler would absolutely have fuchsia blood! i couldnt imagine it any other way. duke could maybe get away with being jade blooded because thatd put her in the midblood range but also what does that leave for mcnamara? i dont really have a good answer for that right now but - 

the heathers themselves aside, veronica would actually be pretty well suited for being some kind of blueblood (teal or cerulean maybe?) veronica being blue blooded would put her in a position of enough privilege to be taken under chandlers wing but also not privileged enough to naturally be at the top. 

jd would probably be rust or mutant blooded. but its also fun to consider: purple blood? since those in that blood class are more susceptible to becoming more ..unhinged. however, i personally favor rust or mutant blooded since i am partial to reds and it would help play into his hatred of society.

trolls or not though theyd all be destined for something right? so im gonna move onto potential god tiers. 

now this is where my laptop cut out so most of the classpect analyses themselves come with help fom http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com

im imagining veronica as a rogue of space. first of all, space players are CRUCIAL to a session as one of the cardinal aspects (space & time making up the fabric of paradox space). its been said by calliope that space can be a passive aspect that holds great power, “hosting the stage before suddenly in some way ‘showing who the master truly is’” and then collapsing in on itself. space players are essential to sessions because it falls on them to light the forge which is necessary for the process of ultimate alchemy (creating the next universe) - and that aside, the idea of veronica collecting and breeding frogs is incredibly cute to me. 

“Those bound to the aspect of Space are, as the name suggests, concerned with the big picture. They are patient, masters of the art of ‘wait-and-see’, and are inclined to take things as they come. That isn’t to say that they’re pushovers or willing to let injustice lie-they just choose their battles wisely, understanding that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before. To this effect, they tend to be innovators, concerned with creation and redemption. Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful. For the Space-bound, the journey is as, if not more, important than the destination; how they do something is as important as what they do. At their best, they are steady, impartial, and creative. At their worst, they can be detached, apathetic, and vague.”    – this description of space players comes from the extended zodiac quiz itself 

rogues invite theft through their aspect or theft of their aspect. they have problems coping with their aspect or their supposed lack of it, they think that they cant handle it which causes them to give it up too easily. the challenge rogues face is to come to terms with their aspect and own it. 

heres a bit on rogues of space specifically: “They might have a tendency to quickly change the subject into others things or cover their interests up to distract from what they perceive to be their failed creations. They may feel uncomfortable with the thought that everything is random and meaningless in the universe, or that it is what you make of it, because they often think they don’t know what to make of it. They may feel lonely at times and feel like they have too much Space to themselves, wanting to fill it up with other people and things. They might lower their standards to the point that they give up their personal Space to someone not worthy enough, just so they won’t feel alone.On the flip side they might feel like they have too much stuff, maybe because they invite others to use up their Space, giving it away too readily, lamenting their lack of impatience with others, or the ability to say no to people. […] a Rogue’s challenge is to learn to be comfortable with their Aspect, and allow the healthy parts of it to enter their lives. They must learn to be okay with what they have right now, that they have it within themselves to change things and make them better. They don’t have to give up so easily.”

jd seems like hed obviously be a prince of doom and this feels self explanatory but. princes are described as being stubborn and pessimistic and they actively destroy using their class / destroy through their class. a princes challenge is to not end up destroying themselves along the way. doom aspect because not only does it pretty much encompass chaos, but the symbol (and the aspect itself has been speculated to be) pretty clearly draws from The Tumor which is. a giant fucking bomb essentially. another fun tidbit about doom players is that they are DEATH MAGNETS they die a LOT and its theorized that for this reason sburb has a sort of game mechanic in place to help balance that out by granting doom players multiple dream selves. i just think itd be really fun to see a sburb session where jd (maybe) cant be kept down by dying. doom is also associated with judgement and sacrifice, and have been said to be “fates chosen sufferers.” “doom players are wise, kind, and non judgmental at their best and bitter, resentful, and fatalistic at their worst.” 

and while i definitely think the doom class is fitting for jd im stuck between prince and bard? bards are the embodiment of the “wild card”. they allow destruction through their aspect / invite destruction through their aspect and their challenge is to not be ruled by the whims of their aspect. and im just now thinking that while this does make sense in its own way, princes and bards are active / passive opposites and i cant really imagine jd being the more laid back of the two. hes just too extra, lol. although i love the idea of jd being in that ridiculous bard getup 

heres some insight to princes of doom: “A Prince of Doom unapologetically pushes people way past their own limits. They are truly passionate, even almost crazy activists. They hate being told no or that they can’t do something, but are more likely to simply destroy or kill the person who said no then prove them otherwise. Depending on what kind of situation or session they find themselves in, and whether or not what they do is really needed at the moment, they can be heaven sent saviors, freeing people from what binds them, or terrifying dictators, ruling over people and enforcing their will wherever they want, letting nothing and no one limit what they do. […] They likely use Bombs and Fire as their main weapons. They have a lot of potential to go down a very destructive or even evil path if they use their powers irresponsibly, but not every Prince of Doom is automatically evil or will Doom their session.“

heather chandler i can definitely see being a witch of rage. witches manipulate using their aspect or manipulate their aspect directly and their challenge is to use their rule breaking powers in a morally conscious way. 

heres some info about witches of rage: “You don’t tell a Witch of Rage anything, they tell you. Anything you have to say they can Reject with Doubt, Negativity and Skepticism and be like ‘No you’re wrong, it’s actually this way.’ They manipulate fear, mistrust and anger, either lowering it or making you believe it’s not all that bad, even if it is. Or they can amplify it, making you paranoid and afraid of even mundane things. […] They can be ‘loose cannons’ and this can be good or bad, depending on how good you are on getting them on your side and keeping them there. Their entire moral challenge lies in the choice between using their powers on their allies or their enemies, like most witches.”  

heather duke would likely be a maid of mind. a maid creates with their aspect / creates their aspect, and a maids challenge is to rely on themself for their aspect. this absolutely isnt to say that duke cannot think for herself at the beginning of the story by any means.

here’s a bit about maids of mind: “At first they tend to defer to the decisions of the group rather than be a part of them and are more focused on watching and waiting and seeing how other people make decisions. […] When a Maid of Mind starts rising to their challenge, they start deciding for themselves what roles they need to play and when. […] They may just have an apathetic and indifferent personality in general. They start letting their thoughts and decision be known and have an effect instead of just referring to others and blending in.” 

and finally heather mcnamara would probably be a page of heart. (i had a hard time coming up with a god tier for her since, if im being honest, shes not a character i pay much attention to.) pages invite exploitation of their aspect / invite exploitation through their aspect. they start with a deficit in their aspect that they overcome through (obvious) overcompensation. their challenge is to keep at things, even if they fail or the journey is slow, to become stronger in the end. 

bit about pages of heart: “They can be very over dramatic in their emotional displays, blowing up every little thing completely out of proportion and giving disproportionate emotional responses to almost everything. […] They can be easily exploited through all of this by other people who either take advantage of the Page’s emotions and empathy, or take advantage of the Page’s obsessions and desires, using it against them. […] When they rise up to their challenge, they start learning to be more balanced and sincere with their emotions, their affections, and with themselves. They learn how to be passionate, sincere and truly honest with themselves and others.”

and all of this is just SOME of the possibilities of what could happen in a homestuck heathers au. would they all be in the same session? would they all be trolls? would the heathers & veronica be in their own session and jd be in his own session that ends up intertwining together? theres literally SO MANY possibilities when it comes to homestuck aus and i love that shit. 

now that ive spent so much time speculating all this its time to deposit myself directly into the dumpster 

#heathers #homestuck #i cant believe im about to use this tag but #heathersstuck #or wait #heatherstuck #i think single s feels more right #anyway #stupidestquestion #are you happy #.txt

[onetoughmuff]

Letters from purgatory

Lately I’ve been alone more often than usual.

Which is something I’ve always been fearful of.

Not in the way you’re probably thinking.

I’m fearful of it because I’m left alone with nothing but my thoughts.

Which leads to deep introspection, which in turn leads me to wrestling with thoughts I never wanted to think about.

Mostly everything I’ve been running away from, with the help of relationships, casual sex, drugs, alcohol, and all other sorts of lovely vices.

I’ve always thought that no matter how manic and whatever bad choices I’ve made I at least always had one redeeming quality, which was what seemed like my everlasting love and my willingness to help out people with no thought of any type of reward.

But, now I’m thinking that everything I thought that was good about me was just all some subconscious form of manipulation tactic.

A way to justify my selfish behaviors by hiding under the guise that All I’ve done were pure selfless acts.

But then I don’t think that can be entirely true either.

I’m not sure if this thinking is beneficial to my psyche or more damaging.

I will admit that overall I’ve felt somewhat better these days.

I’m more able to rebuke certain intrusive thoughts and that helps me not fall into a well of despair.

You’re still ever present in my mind from when I wake up until I go to sleep.

Well sometimes you’re in my dreams too.

I’m torn in my thinking, I’m at a crossroads.

I don’t know if it’s that I don’t know how to let you go or if it’s that I don’t want to.

I don’t know if I’m mad for having a sliver of hope still and if that is what helps me not feel so sad or is that I’ve sort of accepted things and I’m just open to the thought of you being around again at some point.

I’d like to think I’ll be ok but I’m worried running into you downtown, I don’t want to feel my stomach sink if I see you with someone else.

That alone tells me I’m still not over all of this.

It’s also hard not knowing what you’re thinking and what you have been up to not that I have the privilege of knowing such things anymore but either way I’m scared of knowing the answer.

I’m trying to be as honest as possible these days.

I thought things would get better but I had too much expectations and didn’t want to accept that my position was simply due to the consequences of my own actions.

It hurts a lot to always hear that I “could” be the perfect partner.

Always held back by the same things.

Has this been all of my fault? I don’t know.

People say it’s not fair to take all the blame but I do.

I’m not going to go over a list of things I thought you could have done better or things that you’ve done that hurt me deeply.

I mostly just think of the beautiful times we’ve had and don’t feel much like crying but it gets me smiling and then that makes me sad.

I promised the world but when it came down to it I buckled by the weight of my own issues and paranoid delusions that you were slowly slipping from me and your love for me was diminishing with each day.

The connection I’ve had to privilege of sharing with you was the most beautiful yet frightening thing I’ve ever shared with anyone.

I’m afraid.

Afraid of the fact that connections like that only come once in a lifetime.

I’m afraid that if that is true and this was my chance and I’ve ruined it I’ll be haunted until the end of my days by this outcome.

But then you were with someone for nearly 8 years or something I can’t remember but that ended.

I was in love with a girl and we lived together not nearly as long as you and your past relationship but still.

Those relationships both ended and with little to no time after those ended we met and fell in love faster than I ever have in my life.

Some how it just felt so right even though I’m sure everyone looking at it from the outside thought we were crazy.

No ones opinions mattered to us because we were happy.

I’ve never met anyone who could make me laugh and feel so loved at times but then also make me feel so alone at other times.

I don’t know if my want to spend every waking day with you in m life is real anymore or just desperation.

I’d like to believe it is my true unbridled love for you.

I can have worries and fears of abandonment which Im usually able to keep at bay and I might drive myself crazy but I can usually calm myself down and then I’ll talk to you later and find out I was worrying for no damn reason at all.

What happens that puts us in this position is that when I’m feeling this way I’m embarrassed and feel shame and I don’t want to tell you I’m feeling this way because I become afraid you’ll think I’m too much work.

So then sometimes I become overwhelmed and I drink and I feel okay for a little until I start to think more and then get sad and more worried and become unhinged.

So it’s ironic really.

I’m afraid to tell you things because I think you will leave me so instead I do things that make it so anyway.

Self fulfilling prophecies have been the bane of my existence.

I didn’t mean to write this much and if you’re reading it I hope it wasn’t too long and I hope with these ramblings you can better understand me more and be aware of why I’ve done the things I’ve done.

It was never to be hurtful or cruel to you.

Maybe there will be a day where I’m healthy and a normal person and we run into each other randomly on the street or in a coffee shop and somehow are single and have love for each other and pick up where we left off.

Sounds crazy I know.

What will probably happen is either of us will be married or something like that but we will be happy for each other and for a second remember how much we loved each other and that sudden rush of nostalgia will over come us and then we go back to our own homes and get dinner ready for the kids and carry on with our own lives.

If you read all of this thank you.

I don’t think I have to say I love you anymore because I know you know that I do.

I don’t know if I’m wasting my time hoping for my phone to ring by you.

I don’t know if you read my texts anymore.

I don’t know really much of anything these days but somehow I feel that’s okay and liberating in some way.

I’m sure you’ll reach out at some point for either two reasons.

1. To tell me to kindly fuck off and to move on because you have and or are.(this is the most realistic)

2. To talk to me because you miss me and would like to talk a little. ( I hope it’s this one)

Either way I guess both are beneficial in their own unique ways.

Hope you’re well and don’t be afraid to talk to me.

Warm regards,

-J. Ryan.

[freely-expressed]

Thank you.

  When an event in your life allows you to ponder on the weightier matters of life, meaning and purpose, and all that is included in our journey here in mortality, it can allow you to see with a greater, more fuller lens of appreciation and gratitude for the essence of life. For one to see the deeper meaning of everything, they must experience the vicissitudes of life, the small, low moments that yield certain emotion that can only come from living day to day, feeling emotion as you feel for life and understanding why we are here. With that said, I am writing this reflective letter solely because this class has completely altered and transformed the way I see life and how the small details fit into a beautiful landscape. Being able to write and express who I am is such a priceless asset in my cannon of methods of expression. I've never felt so vulnerable, yet I've never felt so transparent and free as I've put my heart and soul into my writing. Being able to write is a true gift I have been given to really show the world and the ones around me who I am as a person, a student, a disciple of life. Take, for example, a musical artist who writes and creates music.  This is their form of expression, where limits are few and safety is certain. I feel that in this world, in this space of mine, I can create, I can mold and shape and express who I am and who I want to become. This is precisely how I feel about writing because the more I expose the world to my soul, the more I understand about myself , about the world and I know that it is okay to show vulnerability, emotion, sadness, happiness and every emotion in the book. Writing for me proves that there is no one-size-fits-all, and shows that I am different from others, in a good way. I have different thoughts, different ideas and a perspective that not many have, all of which assist me in seeing the world for its true meaning. Because of the way you teach, I have been able to see firsthand more of myself, more of my emotions and what/why Im feeling the way I am and am able to express myself without being afraid of criticism or judgement. My heart really has never felt so liberated in its lifespan, and I'm so relieved that I finally have the courage to express who I am through writing. This class has also taught me how important writing can be, how it can break down social barriers, and can accelerate the rate at which history goes.  In one lecture, we watched a short documentary on the power of not speaking to one another, but just having deep, intense eye contact with someone across from you. This was pure art form to me and proved that words are indeed important, a privilege to speak, not a right to speak. It also showed me that words are tools, but facial expression and eye contact can tell me a lot about who someone really is.  

As for how this will affect the rest of my life and throughout my college career, I am so excited to continue to write about my life and the experiences I have. I may not become a master poet, a columnist for a trending magazine or a popular sports journalist, but because this class has taught me to express myself through writing, this is what I will continue to do. I do have small goals for my writing, like fluency, flow and understanding grammar better to improve my writing, but my main goal for my writing is for it to affect others in a positive uplifting, relatable way. I have since posted my writing on my public social media accounts and have been so surprised as to what people have told me. I am so grateful that my words have such a deep and lasting impact on others and allow people to see the world in a lens that I help provide for them. I want to continue to make a greater impact for the ones around me in that exact way, as I improve my writing over time. I believe the greatest impact we can have in this world is the way we use our craft, our skill and talent for the benefit of others. As I have said on multiple occasions, this class has done more for me than I believe any writing class will ever do for me in the future throughout college. This is because the way we have been taught through the semester is unconventional yet extremely effective: It also has opened a new world for my mind where I am taught to think differently, outside of the box about almost anything you can think of. Differing opinions and perspectives on any given topic once were brushed off by me but are now embraced and taken seriously. I now know that opposing views are such a beautiful and natural thing because everybody must have a voice in this world for it to change. I also have learned that much of my own writing comes from my own conceived notion on the world is, and because I have that narrow framed vision of the world, other perspectives can truly show me a different world. Fish, you have taught us that the world isn't what we think it is just because we have eyes, ears, a heart and a mind that sees it. You have taught us to listen, analyze, understand and then create our own slate of opinion, which is what student, including myself, have needed and wanted from the day our education started. I have spoken to multiple classmates regarding what they thought of you and the class: all of them have had the same things to say which were all positive. I've never appreciated a class so much in my life and just want to say thank you for introducing us to this new world of writing.