Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
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i think the biggest reason im so bitter about the lotus casino scene is because while i understand why the changes were made, there was something so inherently child-like in the way the trio acted in the books that i feel like just wasnt allowed to be present in the show. they were immediately enamored by the games in the book, and thats what made them so relatable and fun to read. it makes sense for the show that grover and annabeth know immediately what's happening and know that the lotus casino is a trap considering their knowledge of the greek myths but i feel like that change takes away from them feeling like actual kids, which was one of the main things the show intended to hit. i feel like im seeing this in other points of the show too - they dont feel like kids, they just feel like kids' bodies. and yeah okay maybe being a demigod "makes you age fast" but there was always a sense of childishness in the books even with that fact that just isnt in the show.
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Wait, does the cheating thing on the bond always works? bcs that would be kinda freaky for R!Dipper like imagine you get pinned down by someone in the corner of a br or smthng and then said person kissed you and proceeded to explode into red mist and you literally have no idea what happened.
Also, would the constellation mark be a "cursed" Mark over the years, like you would give birth to a baby and the doctor says "😟 I am so sorry ma'am,,, I'm afraid your baby has the Cipher Companion mark. ( could also be something equally as science-y like Ursa Major, Constellation Calamation, etc idk)" And you just burst into tears.
Would that mean that dipper would get into a special program(demon wrangling program or smthng, demonologist? Maybe)? Or would the parents hide it away hoping that Bill would never take their child away?
(Sorry this au is just very interesting to me,,,, I hope u get more motivation, keep writing author 💪)
These are all options! The fun part of reincarnation AU being left ambiguous is that technically any of them could happen.
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
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Obviously a complicated subject to navigate but the theme of "a person's worth" in the canto is a very interesting adaptation of the book and I'm enjoying it very much.
Heathcliff's attitude towards and understanding of his own upbringing shapes how he acts with the second generation- it's a sort of experiment for him, as he sometimes likes describing it in scientific terms. Talking about the boys with Nelly he draws this distinction between Hareton and lil Linton, that Hareton is an incredibly smart child and very aware of his own situation and degradation- especially as he meets other people his age, namely the younger Cathy, for whom he quickly develops feelings for, and love becomes yet another thing he cannot be allowed to participate in.
While in game it's someone else who ends up saying these lines, what they're actually referring to + what they represent in the book is actually shown through Hindley, the degradation, relegation to servant and denial of education as well as the condemnation that to Hindley is the most cruel and most important: losing the worth "necessary" to be loved.
In the end book!Hindley's efforts go through in making Heathcliff a horrible person just like him, though neither his nor game!Hindley's plan ever manages to actually deprive Heathcliff of his sister's love (though they certainly work in making him believe that!), but book!Hindley's plans are further defied by Heathcliff becoming rich and educated, and book!Heathcliff's plans go off the rails even further as Hareton is not only smart, but also manages to become a legitimately good person- which is where I think it's very clear how game!Hindley is inspired by Heathcliff's book self. This line describes game!Hindley's behavior towards Heathcliff and Catherine just as much as it describes book!Heathcliff's towards Hareton and young Cathy.
But in the end the point is there's this awareness of being hurting and turning a person into something they're not, something worse.
I think it's also very important to note those first rate qualities he talks about are very heavily referencing Hareton's ability to learn. While Heathcliff doesn't talk about this when referring to himself by this point it's obvious his own learning abilities are something he's quite proud of, all through the book he's adapting and changing to what he's faced with (from his first appearance as a child, where he doesn't even speak the same language as the family, but learns soon after, to his final plan for his own burial) and by comparing himself to Hareton he's recognizing those same qualities in him. And I feel like with what we've seen of game!Heathcliff ever since the first chapter, and what we see of him in the different identities and mirror worlds, this is gonna be quite important in part 3- all the abuse has never deprived him of his ability to improve, to learn new things, to trust in new people, just as it's never deprived him of the love he no longer feels worthy of. So! Hope we'll get to see you realize that soon, Heathcliff!!!
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THAT WOUND. THAT VILE WOUND. it throbs in time with your speeding heart, and the ache it carries through your veins is oppressive, its hot, it tangles around your jaw and through your spine and behind your eyes. there are needles, sprouting from the lacerations like the most heinous ivy, and it strangles your lungs, rips tears from your eyes, lures bile to your throat. it hurts. oh god it hurts. you cant think, you cant breathe, you cant swallow, you cant see. you cant see. you cant see.
you cannot see but you know when your eyes are closed, because there are colors stained upon the backs of your eyelids. they form images of loved ones, of viscera, of bile and blood and blackened mud. its jarring, they make anxiety spike outwards, frantic ferro fluid, frightened from faces too scared, too pained, too dead, too piercing with eyes staring straight at you, straight at you.
actually, you cant tell when your eyes are open.
SAUCE FREE VERSION UNDER THE CUT.
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this all being said about the light dragon and how it is definitely the biggest highlight of totk (for me at least), i Do think a lot of the reaction to it Is dependent on botw and zelda's characterisation from that game... a lot of which is kind of lacking in totk because of her more passive role (e.g. you are told about her + see her actions after they have already happened)
like. if you didn't already really like zelda and were sold on her relationship with link (and not even just from a shipping zelink perspective, like. just UNDERSTANDING they have a strong bond from everything they've gone through together) then i'm not sure if any of that stuff in totk would've hit as hard as it did. the game does very little to build on what we already know about them, which i think is both a letdown to new players (which. i am not sure why they are playing the sequel before botw, but that is how totk acts most of the time lmao) and returning ones, and as time goes on it's become harder for me to blame people for not caring for it as much.
what a truly odd game
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