#ok now ive got that out of my system i can go about my day

[slavonicrhapsody]

WHO IS THIS SAULTRY LITTLE BINCH

ok this is my extremely unpolished breakdown of MESSMER THE IMPALER from the shadow of the erdtree trailer

The first thing that stands out about this dude is that he’s wearing EVERY possible symbol of treason against the Erdtree: SNAKES and FLAME

Messmer has snakes on his sigil, helm, and 2 snake friends who have dragon wings. Volcano Manor is known for its statues of winged serpents, but the wings are feathered, not dragonlike. these snakes are bright red-orange and are very unlike the Great Serpent we all know and love, who has a heavier build and is blue-grey in color. 

Regarding snakes as symbolism, the Duelist Helm description reads,

“Bronze helm decorated with innumerable snakes. Worn by gladiators who were driven from the colosseum. The wearer becomes a slightly easier target for foes. The snake is viewed as a traitor to the Erdtree, and the audience delighted in seeing these bronze effigies beaten and battered.”

We can bet that whoever is associating themselves with snakes is a confirmed Erdtree hater (Rykard, hello!!!) or perhaps, this dude could even be part of the reason why snakes are considered traitorous in the first place?

In addition to us seeing Messmer wield fire, this line from the trailer (which I think is spoken about Messmer but not by Messmer) implies that he’s known for his fire: “Those stripped of the Grace of Gold shall all meet death. In the embrace of Messmer’s flame.” 

It’s well known that flame is in many ways a taboo power; particularly the flame of the Fell God, which has the power to burn the Erdtree (the cardinal sin). Messmer’s fire is weird, in some ways it reminds me of the Rune of Death since it starts out black and turns red, but it’s also far too orange to simply be the Rune of Death’s power. 

There’s also this description of the DLC: “The Land of Shadow. A place obscured by the Erdtree. Where the goddess Marika first set foot. A land purged in an unsung battle. Set ablaze by Messmer’s flame.”

I’d guess that the Land of Shadow was the place of Marika’s first conquest, and perhaps Messmer either aided her in razing it or that’s just something he did later? 

so WHO is this dude????

for starters, his name is Messmer the Impaler — M like Marika! Melina, Malenia, Miquella, Mogh, and Morgott. seems to be a pattern...

He says in the trailer, “Mother, wouldst thou truly Lordship sanction, in one so bereft of light?” 

Whoever Messmer’s mother is, she is in a position to “sanction lordship” meaning to give official permission for a lordship to take place. that screams Marika — she is THE goddess, and is responsible for guiding Tarnished to becoming Elden Lord. I can’t think of anyone else who might be called Mother who is in such a position as to allow someone to ascend to the position of Lord. He's also sitting in the same type of throne that the demigods sat in that we see in Morgott's cutscene.

theres 2 ways to interpret this line: 

Messmer could referring to himself when he says this; as if he’s saying, would my mother truly allow me to become Lord even though I’m so dark and edgy?? in a kind of sarcastic way. the flames he produces start out black, and he’s covered himself symbols treasonous to the Erdtree. OR, he’s referring to us, the Tarnished, when he says this; as if he’s saying, would you really let a person with such little light inside them become lord, mother?? (rude!) I’d say we need more context to determine exactly what he means

ALSO, interestingly, his left eye is sealed shut… you know who else has their left eye sealed shut? THAT’S RIGHT… OUR FRIENDS MELINA AND RANNI

The scarseal and soreseal items of Marika and Radagon are also carved into eyeballs… could eye trauma be an empyrean trait?? could Messmer also be an empyrean, one who the current demigods didn’t know the existence of??? 

with all that being said, I really doubt that this guy is Rykard or Rykard’s child as I’ve seen some people speculate… these other clues in the trailer point towards him being another, separate demigod. so what do we make of all the similar imagery?? I think that Messmer might be working against the Erdtree toward his own ends, and he’s embracing similar powers that Rykard did when he turned traitor. 

who is he then? I think he’s a demigod child of Marika, and possibly of Radagon because of the hair (unless his hair color comes elsewhere? a curse?). I think he got banished to the shadow realm for treason reasons, given the heretical symbols. perhaps he was an empyrean with his own agenda who was disposed of by Marika, like the Gloam Eyed Queen? perhaps he has ambitions to return to the real world and become Lord, destroying the Tarnished who might take his throne?

I did this instead of sleeping I hope you’re all happy

#elden ring #elden ring dlc #shadow of the erdtree #messmer the impaler #messmer #elden ring lore #ok now ive got that out of my system i can go about my day

[kthyg]

ghoul. — (training) (m)

[SECOND INSTALMENT OF GHOUL SERIES : TRAINING]

“I like it when you’re under me. The only place you will ever be is under me.”

or

Jimin and Jungkook decided they wanted to have an unplanned training session with you.

pairing : yandere jikook x reader

rating : M

genre : tokyo ghoul au, soulmate au, violence 

disclaimer : this story is a work of fiction. descriptions of the BTS members in this story does not reflect nor portray them in real life. everything in this story only fits in imagination and does not apply outside of imagination.

warning : infliction of pain on woman (oc).

word count : 3.2k+

masterpost  |  masterlist   |  navigation

note from winter 💌 :

PLS IM WRITING THIS AS WE SPEAK: I WAS ABOUT TO MAKE JUNGKOOK LOOK DOWN ON MINGYU BUT THEN JUNGKOOK IS SHORTER THAN GYU IM SOBBVINF SO HARDDD so i decided to change the scene HAHAHAAHAHHAHAA

ok real note 📝

maybe i like jimin being rough. haha like

LIKE BRO HE CANT BE ALL SOFT HE HAS GOT TO LIKE TO INFLICT PAIN AND I WOULD GLADLY RECEIVE

💌 what is winter listening to? : 28 reasons by seulgi

dedication : to my sleep demon, you can fuck off now. ive written your shit down.

           Another day at KCCG, Korea Commission of Counter Ghoul, the second branch of CCG that originated from Japan. An everyday reminder when Jimin stepped into the KCCG building. The logos of CCG and KCCG were designated next to each other looking very alike except that KCCG has an additional letter ‘K’ before the CCG. The emblems were blueish black in colour and an animal akin to a bird spreading its wings was embedded at the centre of the emblem respectively, and a few deep curves and details to make it look elegant.

           “Jimin hyung.” A voice called.

           He turned to the voice. “Jungkook.” His soulmate.

           “Why the hard face?”

           “The only thing that is hard right now is my dick, so if you don’t have any plans to help soften it down, then I suggest you go back to your office before I fuck you right here.”

            “Vulgar,” the younger hissed. “I’m your superior. How dare you speak to me that way.”

            “An inferior in bed,” Jimin mumbled nonchalantly.

            “I’ll give away your mission in 1st ward to Investigator Rosè,” Jungkook retorted.

            “I needn’t worry because she’s not fit for the mission, and you need Joon’s approval for that. 1st ward has always been assigned to me.” He said calmly.

            “Namjoon hyung gives me green light for everything, so–”

            “Gyu.” Your voice interrupted their conversation. It wasn’t too loud but given that their sense of hearing was very acute, even your softest voice could reach their ears.

            You entered the building and with delighted steps, you skipped your way towards Kim Mingyu, Ghoul Investigator of Special Class. Jimin’s gaze followed your figure until you reached the male investigator. Jungkook didn’t miss the hard gaze but instead of asking what was wrong with Jimin, he found himself staring hard at your figure too or the situation.

            Since when were you close with Mingyu?

            “Good morning, lotus.” Mingyu greeted you with a soft, subtle kiss on the crown of your head.

            “Morning,” you smiled, handing over a coffee to him. “Where’s Minghao?”

            “Late as usual,” he sighed before taking a sip of the coffee, thanking you after. “Overslept maybe.”

            “It’s fine, we can wait.” Sipping a bit of your coffee, you fished out a small device from your pocket. The device was a sphere in shape and floating. You let it float in the air as pressed the button on the device.

            “You got a new SfereX?” Mingyu asked.

            “Yes. The old one was destroyed during the mission at the 2nd ward.” You sighed.

            As soon as you pressed the button, a hologram flashed in front of you. The technology inside the device resembled a laptop or tablet but an even more compact version. As the system loaded you to your home page, you pressed the reminder calendar.

            “Today we have a training session with Minghao…” You spread your fingers as the hologram zoomed onto the details of the session. “Focusing on hand-to-hand combat.”

            Mingyu nodded. “He needs that very much.”

            You slapped his shoulder lightly. “Give him a little credit. He’s not that bad. He’s just so used to the use of weapons.”

            Mingyu was about to speak up but as his eyes narrowed a bit over your shoulder, he noticed two figures approaching.

            Two figures that, if possible, he always wanted to avoid.

            “Ah, good morning, Director Jeon, Investigator Park.”

            That caught you off guard.

            Upon hearing your childhood friend’s name, your body went rigid, and your mind flew back to when you discovered that half of your files in the star folder were gone after you returned from Investigator Min’s office. You don’t have proof that it was Jimin that deleted your files. Of course, you could walk into the security room and check the CCTVs, but you went against that idea because as much as you wanted to fight for your justice, you knew Jimin would do anything and everything to deny your claim.

            Quickly turning around, you bowed. “Good morning.”

Jimin zeroed his attention on you as he spoke. “Training session with me and Investigator Jeon at combat room 2. In 5 minutes.”

            “But I have–”

            “Are you defying your superior, (Y/N)?”

            Your eyes flickered at the sudden use of authority. “No, that’s not it…”

            Mingyu saw the hesitation in your eyes as you struggled to find the right word. Maybe it was due to the difference in rank and the intimidation Jimin held because you were not one to hesitate. “Park, she has a scheduled training session with me.” He emphasised the word ‘scheduled’. “Please be considerate and respectful of others’ time.”

            “Investigator Kim,” Jimin turned his body to fully face him. His face was devoid of emotions. “Before anything, (Y/N) is under me. Whatever changes made are effective immediately regardless of your opinion.”

            “It doesn’t change the fact that you are disturbing my line of work by messing up my schedule, Investigator Park.” Mingyu refused to back away.

            “That’s enough.” Jungkook finally voiced out.

            He has been standing next to Jimin all while his gaze was on you. Breaking his intense gaze, he continued. “I instigated the training session. I believe you won’t have any problem with me doing so, right, Investigator Kim?”

            A muscle in his jaw twitched. “If you’re trying to use your rank and force me to submission, I’d suggest you stop, Director Jeon.”

            “Kim Mingyu.” You could see Jimin’s jaw tightened as soon as he let out the stern call.

            You really didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s morning especially yours. “Gyu, it’s fine. We can reschedule.” You told him.

            “It’s not fine. This doesn’t only affect me,” His eyes that were on the two guys in front of him were now on you. A wave of pity – or maybe concern – was seen. “But it also affects you.”

            You knew what his next sentence would be.

            “(Y/N), how–” How long are you going to tolerate being stepped on by these bunch of fucked up higher-ups?

            And you didn’t have it in you to respond to that question yet.

            “The training will take 2 hours at most. I’ll be available by noon and you’re free at that hour too.” You pinched the hologram after checking the reminder calendar and clicked the button to switch off the device.

            “Moreover, your student has yet to arrive, no?” Jungkook directed his question to Mingyu. “Technically, I can take up (Y/N)’s schedule at this very moment because her scheduled training appears to be delayed. It gives literally anyone the right to take it up.”

            Jungkook raised a hand to cover his lips albeit not fully, he let Mingyu see the condescending smirk through the gaps between his fingers. “Teach your student to respect other people’s time before teaching us. That’s very hypocrite of you.”

            He didn’t wait for Mingyu to even breathe another word as he turned on his heels and made his way to the assigned combat room.

            “Let’s go.” Jimin called on you.

            Keeping your head low, you responded. “Yes, Investigator Park.”

           You entered the combat room after having your clothes changed. It seemed like you blended in quite well with the room. Your combat attire was white overall as well as the room, both wall and floor. The combat room is empty but not fully empty as there were flower beds. White flowers. You have no idea why it was the way it was.

           As you made your way to a bench, you unwrapped the bandage you had brought over from your locker in the changing room to wrap your hands. The clicking sounds of a door closing reached your ears. Jungkook stepped into the combat room. Spotting you on the bench, he smiled as he approached you.

            “Quite a scene just now, don’t you think, (Y/N)?” He sat next to you, mirroring your action with a bandage of his own. “A bit too early to my taste, I’d say. But very refreshing.”

           Of course, it’s refreshing for you.

           You practically wrecked your brain trying to find the appropriate answer to give out in response. Giving up, you could only muster up a tight smile and continued bandaging your hands. You subtly glanced at his hands as he finished wrapping up his hand.

            Well, that’s quick.

            After glancing for a bit too long, you noticed his bandage matched his outfit. Black. You looked at your unfinished wrapping.

            White.

            Just as you were about to resume your wrapping, Jungkook’s hands came into the frame. He gently pulled your hand so that it was closer to him and easier for him to wrap up for you.

            “Uh, I can…” You pulled your hand away slowly. “Do it myself.”

            He seemed to frown upon your action as he pulled your hand back to him and resumed. “I know.”

            Jungkook sure was efficient and quick in his action. He finished wrapping up your both hands in under one minute. All while holding your hand as if you would break if he put even the littlest pressure. You had the time to study his face.

            There were significant features of his that remained the same or maybe matured a bit, but it didn’t stop you from going back to the old days you shared with Jungkook. Back then when you were first brought to the headquarter of the Jeon clan, you knew of no one. Not even the person that brought you there. At that time, Jungkook was the only child you saw. If only calling him a child was right. Given that he acted and behaved nothing like a child.

            Face hard, back straight, and hands balled into fists on both his lap.

            And quiet.

            You had not heard his voice until your third week there.

            “That brings back memory, huh?” Jungkook tilted his head as he stared at you. “Your eyes are showing a hint of nostalgia.”

            The closed proximity and intense staring.

            The mysterious coffee eyes. His eyes were still as dark and deep as you first saw. Unlike you, Jungkook's eyes were unreadable. As if his eyes were disconnected from the brain and lived on their own.

            He was defective.

            But you learned to understand Jungkook by studying his body language instead. That, too, wasn’t as easy. Jungkook mastered the art of concealment. He hated being vulnerable.

            Or he forced himself to hate vulnerability.

            The Kishou and Jeon have something in common.

            Their ruthlessness was known to the world.

            Growing up as a Jeon meant survival. Only the best made it until the end. Jungkook was a direct descendant of the Jeon clan and the future that soon would lead and continue the Jeon clan. He was trained to be the best. As for an indirect descendant like you, your training was much more lenient given the fact that you were a Kishou.

            Jungkook was trained mentally, spiritually, and physically. Trained to be zero.

            Zero weakness.

            But after the death of the Jeon clan's former leader, you could see Jungkook finally breathed.

            You turned away to break eye contact. “Yeah…”

            He hummed before he brought one of your hands to his lips, kissing your bandaged knuckles. “It’s not a good thing, sweetheart.”

            You stared at him in shock.

            “You’re a Jeon.” All said with a smile and gentle thumb brushing.

            I’m a Kishou.

            Kishou.

            Another sound of the door clicking open resonated around the room, making you immediately pull back your hand. Jimin walked into the room with graceful steps. He was wearing the same combat attire as Jungkook. Black. Your hands were itching to grab your SfereX and snap a picture of Jimin really quick.

            Jimin was ethereal. You would never be tired of telling that to yourself.

            In terms of physique, Jimin’s build is lean with enough muscle in the right place. The difference in body proportion between Jimin and Jungkook was visibly huge, but their strength was at the same level. Maybe even a level greater than Jungkook.

           “We’ll do hand-to-hand combat today.” Jimin announced.

           “Sounds fun to me.” Jungkook grinned.

           “Let’s start with one on one before the other joins in for 2 against 1, shall we?” Jimin suggested.

           You agreed pliantly with a soft yes.

           Even if you had disagreed as if Jimin would listen to you.

           “One on one with me, (Y/N),” he declared as he strode to the centre of the room. “Are you ready?”

            The only word you’ve said for the past few minutes. Yes.

            Still having the gentleman in him, Jimin urged you to do the first take before he pitched in. The two of you got into position with hands up into fists just above chin height and feet opened shoulder width apart.

            Jungkook’s remark heralded the start of the fight. “Start.”

            You didn’t start with your fist instead your knee found its way to kick Jimin’s face. But of course, it took more than a simple movement to injure The Park Jimin. He easily dodged your attack. In return, Jimin charged with his fist, targeting your face which you managed to avoid.

            The attack and defence continued until Jungkook announced his presence in the fight. You were against two of your superiors. Two of them hated losing. You didn’t dare to make any first move as soon as Jungkook joined in, so instead, you waited for them to charge any attack.

            Jungkook seemed to see right through you as he advanced first. He fired a punch but instead of dodging it, you blocked it. His firing was too quick that you didn’t have the time to avoid it.

            But it was a grave mistake.

            Jungkook smirked before he continued firing punches to your defence. It was only a matter of time before one of his punches would reach your face. He cornered you to the wall at each punch. You took the opportunity to use the wall to send Jungkook flying back with your feet pushing on his chest and your back on the wall as support.

            You didn’t realise how small your intake of oxygen was until you found yourself gasping for air after throwing Jungkook off. It happened all too fast, but you were sent flying to the other corner of the room.

            By Jimin.

            “Don’t let your guard down, (Y/N).” Jimin reprimanded.

            You were quick to get back on your two feet. “I wasn’t–”

            Had you not focused on your left, you would’ve been crushed. You made a beeline towards another safe spot before Jungkook practically crushed the wall.

            His form of payback was crazy.

            “Yes, she wasn’t, Jimin,” he pushed back his hair, showcasing his defined jawline. “Or else she would’ve been crushed like this wall.”

            You believed in your hand-to-hand combat skills.

            But you don’t believe them in hand-to-hand combats.

           Jimin’s grip on your hair was unforgiving. As if his life depended on the tightness of the tug. Your eyes were filled with tears from the burn on your scalp. He trapped your body as he sat on your back, one hand tugging on your hair and the other resting on his crouched knee.

           “Weak as ever (Y/N).”

           You grunted in response.

           “That’s why you’re always under me and forever will.” Jimin enunciated each word clearly, drilling them into your brain. “So, remember your priorities: me before anyone and anything.”

           “That is enough, Jimin.” Jungkook stood in front of you with hands in his pocket, looking down at you. The stinging pain on your scalp affected your ability to open both eyes fully, only one of your eyes was opened as you tried to look the superior in front of you.

           “You’re getting way too soft on her, Kook,” Jimin pouted. “That’s why she fails as a Jeon.”

           “I’m a Kishou.” You hissed.

           A new bruising and unforgiving pain started on your scalp and the cause was Jungkook. His movement was so fast that you didn’t get to comprehend the moment he crouched down and replace Jimin’s hand with his own.

           “Kishou clan ended long time ago, sweetheart. Stop being delusional and be grateful the Jeon clan even took you in. You’re a Jeon, so live up to it. Do not sully the good name.”

           He let go of your hair and stood to his full height. Jimin’s hand found its way around your burning scalp yet again but instead of inflicting more pain, he surprisingly massaged your scalp and even stroked your hair.

           The door flew open, gracing the room with the presence of another two Special Class investigators and another one Associate: Min Yoongi, Kim Mingyu, and Kim Seokjin.

           Your eyes were quick to fall on your partner’s figure.

           “Gyu,” you whispered softly with utmost gratefulness.

           But your gratefulness was short-lived as the bruising grip on your hair returned and stronger. Jimin pushed your face to meet with the floor.

           “Jimin!” It was Jin’s voice.

           “Shh, Jin hyung,” this time it was Yoongi’s voice. “They are in their training session. We mustn’t disturb them.” You can hear the smirk in his voice, honestly.

           “The training session ended 2 minutes ago. Release her, Park.” Mingyu said.

           You were sure Jimin was trying to plant your face into the ground. Might as well your whole body. The pressure he put was enough to make you imagine so. Whimpers fell from your mouth involuntarily as you felt the pain was too overbearing that it had already exceeded your limit.

           Jimin let go of your hair harshly and the weight on your back disappeared. You stayed in your position for a few seconds and only raised your head when you heard another clicking sound of a door which indicated that Jimin has left the combat room.

            Jungkook was still standing in front of you. When you tried to stand up, he quickly got to your level and tried to offer a hand.

           Keyword: tried.

           “Ah, Jungkook.” Yoongi tutted. “You can go freshen up. Mingyu will take care of her.”

           Before Yoongi even finished his sentences, your attention was stolen when you heard footsteps approaching you. The next thing you knew, Mingyu was already next to you, helping you to get off the ground.

           “I believe it’s appropriate for me to assist my student until the end.” Jungkook said.

            He glared at the hands that were touching you, and with a deep and dangerous voice, he enjoined. “Get your hands off her, Kim.”      

           But Mingyu was unfazed.

           “It is, Director Jeon,” Yoongi agreed. “But Director Kim urgently asked for your presence. 2nd ward has been attacked by a group of unknown ghouls. You might want to resolve that quickly.”

           The Investigator of Special Class strode towards the changing room with Jin hot on his trail.

           “Rather than to waste your time on…” Yoongi moved his cold gaze to you. “Her.”

           Ouch.

           Jungkook stayed on his spot for a good few seconds before he abruptly stood up and headed towards the changing room with big steps. Yoongi has a victorious smirk on his face as he casually followed Jungkook into the changing room, followed by Jin who sent you a look of pity.

            You wished for the day to end already.

           Before you have the chance to even be sucked into your hole of darkness and self-loathing, a hand reached out to stroke your head. It was Mingyu. He helped you to get into the correct posture and placed you in his arms. You didn’t put up any fights to protect your pride – not like there was any left. It was trampled on by your two superiors – and rested your head on his chest.

           Before the darkness consumed you wholly, you heard a familiar voice calling for you.

          It wasn’t Mingyu’s.

           “(Y/N)!”

           It was Minghao’s.

           And then all your sense shut off.

All rights reserved © 2022 kthyg. Do not copy, translate, modify or repost without permission. Feedback is always appreciated! It keeps me motivated and helps me improve myself. Send me an ask <;3

#kthyg : ghoul #yandere jimin #yandere jungkook #yandere bts #jimin smut #jungkook smut #jimin angst #jungkook angst #jimin fluff #jungkook fluff #yandere jimin x oc #yandere jimin x reader #yandere jungkook x reader #yandere jungkook x oc #bts fluff #bts smut #bts angst #jimin x oc #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #bts yandere #bts scenarios #jungkook imagines #jimin imagine #kthyg <3

[your--isgayrights]

Probably a bit silly and you’ve likely answered this before, but do you think you’re going to come back to “at the Very least, the Wall will change?” I’m just getting into ORV and I want to read some fanfic! I promise I am patient but I’m hesitant to start reading something that’s abandoned. I hope this doesn’t come off as disrespectful! I completely understand burnout (med student here hehe) and there’s no shame is shelving a project for a time if it no longer speaks to you. I just wanted to check

You're right that I've answered this before but like it's totally fair to ask me again after how long it's been lol. Bc like I think about this a lot too and thus the answer/feelings I have about it kind of changes?

Like my journey with this fic has kind of been tumultuous because I started it before I had access to ADHD medication and a lot of my life can be divided into the Before times and the like Now Times where my baseline happiness/standard of care of myself is vastly improved. I outlined all of wall fic before publishing the first chapter and then the scenes I wanted to include took up a lot more time to create than I initially thought they would and that like frustration was really harmful to like my sense of being a "writer," I guess?

Sorry, getting into this bc I'm trying to articulate my own feelings to myself, but I'll tldr; it at the end probably.

Like when I first started wall fic it had like a strangle hold on my imagination and was a way I was able to articulate feelings about things in life. Truth is, I'm someone who has called 911 for suicide/self-harm of friends/classmates like 4-5 times before turning 18. There is this feeling of helplessness I always had as a minor that the world was always ending around me but even when I was up till 5 am making sure my friend got to the hospital ok without any way of really knowing except waiting for a text back, I still had to just buck up and go to school the next day. The emotions I have towards these times in my life really latched onto omniscient reader, because the way it discusses suicidal ideation and what can help with it rang really true to me. I love KDJ a lot, part of that is, in my interactions with suicidal ideation, his sense of narrative inevitability really describes the emotions behind it well, the feeling of "this is the only Solution that will Actually work" is sewn into the fabric of the universe as "probability." And I've actually been thinking about that term "probability" a lot lately, and how it relates to ideas about Narratives. We're always estimating the likelihood of future events based on past experiences, calling things "realistic" or not. But the function of this system in my own life has often been to convince myself to 'give up' on certain things, conserve the energy it would take to try them. Sure that has helped me when Ive not had any free time/energy in crunch times or big projects, but when something is actually important, giving up feels like shit to be honest. Which is part of why I really love and kind of idealize this character of Yoo Joonghyuk, someone who 'never gives up.' To me KDJ and yjh in wall fic represent these two radical sides of a spectrum where someone becomes unhappy by giving up caring about everything and someone becomes unhappy by never giving up on anything. KDJ is then sort of this love letter to people who give up on themselves, people who could never imagine living past a certain age and yet somehow implausibly remain. YJH is a love letter to people who have been left behind and are So aware of their choices and their power over situations that they blame themselves for things that were actually out of their control in the first place. It's these two different ways of interacting with helplessness and grief and fear, giving up knowing you never could have made a difference in the first place or being convinced you could always have done Something and blaming yourself for failing, constantly stressing about what you could have done and what you ought to do the next time it happens.

Codifying these themes into Characters is originally this fun way of exploring emotions I have about them and sharing the experience of feeling them with others without having to tear too much of my self a part. I feel like when we're young it feels like a sense of self is something like a wall, an image of ourself that we have Built and must put in work to Maintain from erosion. This sense of self and protection makes us feel distinct from other people, the line we draw where we begin and end in the universe, and they become rules dictating How we will Act and Appear towards others. Drawing these walls and lines is pretty important to KDJ's perspective in wall fic, but i now realize I had sort of started doing to myself? Towards the middle of writing it?

Just because I've been on the Internet so long, I know the sort of "narratives" of being different "kinds of authors" online. Because of this, when I started posting wall fic, something that was of a lot of concern to me was how I appeared as an Author to people reading. I honestly think now that the performance of things I associated with like Being an Author were more sort of motivated by a fear of failure and disappointing others than anything else. It's kind of only been recently that I've realized that I have a choice to do things because I enjoy them instead of the fear of not doing them, which sounds a little crazy/obvious to be honest, but forcing myself to be an honor roll student for like more than a third of my adolescence while completely unmedicated kind of made that sort of intrinsic fear of disappointing others the ole'reliable of Task Motivation. Participating in ORV fandom has sort of been this emotional tight rope walk for me of like. Kind of really desperately desiring validation from others but also being afraid of receiving it bc of like the pressure it then puts on to Keep Doing the thing that Works and otherwise feeling like a Failure. But obviously like creative writing isn't going to have the same like Fear/Urgency factor as life stuff and it shouldn't feel that way, anyway, tbh. I'm kind of having to like. Re-invent the idea of writing being Fun and Relaxing for myself. And the idea that talking to other people on the internet (also like. People in general I still do this at uni even) does not actually have to have like any performative elements or factors of like? Disguise? Because like my sense of self doesn't actually have to be a wall I keep building and have to repatch whenever someone comes along with a pickaxe like my sense of self doesn't actually need a metaphor attached to it because it just is what it is lol. Like whatever I am RN is my "self" and that meaning would only suffer under the restraint of comparison, lol.

It's been easier to like feel normaler/better quicker in like my day to day stuff, but because a lot of the time I spent previously trying to write wall fic lies in that like that brain space where I felt afraid and stressed out etc I think I currently have like an aversion to sitting down with it out of like a fear of returning to that mindset. Because I'm like looking it in the face and such I do have like strategies of getting over it like doing warmups or taking time to make nice writing spaces and having a name to/strategies to access the creative part of my brain, but that stuff takes time and because it's a lot less likely I'll have writing on the brain than go through my every day life like the process of becoming normaler/feeling better goes a lot faster day to day than in my approach to writing.

Because in my brain the progress of wall fic is a sort of gentle curve I've been trying to shape the growth of upwards, I wouldn't say it's abandoned at all. But also like because the next "update" is not really guaranteed and I'm kind of hesitant to force myself to commit to a timeline for finishing/releasing it, I think it makes sense to like hesitate about starting it as a reader? In terms of a sense of completion, the chapters are organized in such a way that each one concerns a sort of complete Section of KDJ's life/relationships, tho. Like, Chapter 1 shows KDJ and YJH's first meeting as kids and establishes the "soulmate" setting. Chapter 2 shows the life KDJ carved himself to thereafter, how he and YJH's paths have diverged, established the stakes of KDJ's current "world" in a way parallel to the first few chapters of wos/orv. Chapter 3 focuses on how the soulmate worldview and KDJ + YJH's characters/past interact with the way they view children/the idea of "childhood/youth." Chapter 4 is meant to show how that worldview encounters adult life/ adult friendships/relationships, but the final part of it is something I'm still working on a bit. The structure is such that I tend to bring the end of the chapter back to a moment of peace/resolution/settling in the "new world" after the events of the chapter and then writing a one sentence cliff hanger about what the next chapter includes. So if you want to give some of it a read but don't want to be left feeling too incomplete, I'd read up till before the last sentence of Chapter 3, tho that's a bit silly, lol.

I will say again and have said before, I don't mind that much getting thoughtful comments/messages like yours at all. Thoughtful in the sense of like, desiring a response from me as a person, I suppose? Towards the start of writing online i really like needed the validation of little comments to feel good about myself/my work, but now I realize that the thing I like actually desire that ao3 comments aren't often a good format for is that I just like talking/discussing these things with other people. Sometimes comments will make me feel more like an unpaid customer service representative getting feedback or a student looking at a quick note on my report card. The kind I like most are messages where people want to ask me questions, argue with me about something, share something of their own interaction with the text that there's room for me to interact back with them as a person. The thing I hate most is feeling like I care too much about something/talk/think too much to the point that people are tired of hearing from me/form a bad opinion of me.

So like typing this all out has actually put myself in the brain space of remembering some of the things I like to write about and feel and how the current part of wall fic explores them. I'm kind of setting up my computer and such to start working on it like rn actually, hopefully the like feelings I'm having towards wall fic won't evaporate when i have to go to my class in 1/2 an hour or when i try to reread some of what I've written so far lol.

TLDR; Wall fic isn't abandoned or on hiatus or anything, but I am super slow about it lol. If you wanna give it a read I recommend stopping before the last sentence of Chapter 3 if you don't want any "cliff hangy" feelings. Questions like yours that ask me to interact with orv/wall fic/related themes do honestly help me start thinking about it again and I'll probably try to work on some of it tonight bc of you so thanks 👍

#long post #wall fic #ask #anonymous #TLDR; Wall fic isn't abandoned or on hiatus or anything #but I am super slow about it lol. If you wanna give it a read I recommend stopping before the last sentence of Chapter 3 if you don't want #any “cliff hangy” feelings. #Questions like yours that ask me to interact with orv/wall fic/related themes do honestly help me start thinking about it again and I'll pr #obably try to work on some of it tonight bc of you so thanks 👍

[bingobongobonko]

Hi Bingo! I just wanted to say that I've been lurking and looking at your art for your lancer campaign for a while now and I think it's so cool! You've kinda inspired me to check out the system for myself too! I hope it's not too much trouble/making you retread anything you've talked about before, but I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on the system and how it's worked out for your campaign! I really love mecha stuff, but I think the genre can be pretty rife with militarism that I'm not super into. I get the sense though that you've been able to find a good way to slot these really cool characters into the setting and focus on their interactions while also getting the fun of that sweet sweet mech combat. My inquiry is very low stakes haha, so nw if you don't have time to gather all your thoughts (I know that if I was tasked to talk about my own campaigns my head would burst into flames just trying to sift through what I'd want to say :P) Anyway, just a little friendly wave to you to say your art is very inspirational, and keep up the great work!

OH WOW this is . whuhh. WOW! sorry im like. wtff. i mean i ramble about my characters a lot but i didn't think anyone else actually gave a fuck which is completely ok, i just WHUHH..!!! holy shit. excitement aside, i get where you're coming from. honestly i was never into the mecha genre, but lancer rpg really made me realize how cool it is! like im not a really technical guy, and i feel like lancer is VERY strategy-heavy in combat; unless you know what you're doing and what everything does, you can easily get overwhelmed with all the features and all the things to consider in the math. for me its a lot because i struggle with spatial understanding and any sort of mathematics. that's my only real gripe on the system, but that might also just be every other system as well. it's more of a personal issue than that of the system, my friends all picked it up super quick. as for the genre, yeah, i find militaristic shit a drag and mecha has the same feel to me. its got a layer of professionalism and seriousness i don't enjoy, nor wish to play along with, so i get what you mean yeah. thankfully my friend who dms the campaign is just. Holy fuck; she just has a huuuge extra care for character stories and weaving them into the narrative she explores. so really, its her i've to thank for making mecha stuff FUN for me. lancer can certainly run hand-in-hand with militaristic-focused rp, i was in a oneshot with that sole focus and while it was interesting, without that interesting narrative stuff you kind of lose steam, but ive grown so fond of dog days cuz of how my friend lets our characters develop AND helps them do that. that and the way she sets up the story, just. FUUUUCK. the military is an afterthought in what is a fight against time and para-causality sinking its teeth into what little sanity we have. we fight against something that is a victim and a perpetrator. we're the worst people to be tasked to be saving an entire planet too, but here we are. as cheesy as it is, it's all about who you play with. thats the feel i get about most systems. honestly why im so ehhh about playing with strangers, when i'd rather play with people i like. all systems strike me as more of a tool; its the way you use em yk? the experience you get from them are more reflective of who you're telling a story with (or fighting alongside, there's no right way to play. i just really like narrative storytelling). so really, ive to thank my friends, especially @spaginithethird who introduced me to lancer in the first place as a dm!!!!!!!!!! TO A LOT OF SYSTEMS ACTUALLY shes rlly knowledgeable abt this stuff and very very very sweet too o7 so yeah really, its a really fun system BUT to me, i wouldnt be playing lancer if i didn't have a narrative to go by and follow with people i like. i am always sayin this but its my favorite thing when it comes to ttrpgs

#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK BTW #im really happy ppl like lancer.. its a surprise 2 me #i usually just talk bullshit because i like talking about ocs #so its really aieee... #i havent been drawing a lot due to unending slumps so that really means a lot.. ty dude #sorry im bad at explainin shit i REALLY hope i make sense and hopefully youll like lancer too!!!!! #lancer rpg

[alegator]

hiii everyone :D i miss tumblr so bad and the ability to make long form blog posts ugh twitter is not the same plus the site and app are literally so shit. even though the tumblr app is not much better sometimes!! ive decided i want to post more on here to continue my little virtual diary…. I love the tagging system and most of all, love being able to look back and read my own updates!!! it’s crazy how it can help me recall the exact feeling of that moment… it feels special :) Twitter is great for quick fleeting thoughts so i wanna make lengthy life posts on here as a little time capsule, so i can have fun looking back and reading all my posts 10 years from now (if this site still exists. but i joined in 2011 and its still here so who knows). plus ive been posting my entire life on here for YEARS so who cares i will be vulnerable and over share and shit!!!!!! as is tumblr tradition… fuck it if youre my cousin on my homestuck side you can have my SSN.

moving on, here are fun life updates:

- celebrated my 11th anniversary on Feb 14th with the love of my life, Tenma!!!! i have been affectionately calling it the 7/11 anniversary since it’s been 11 years together, but also 7 years married 🤯 it actually fucks me up so bad that 2017 was 7 years ago like. genuinely lol FUCKKK HOOWWW 2017 should’ve been like 3 years ago. we choose to get married on the same day Tenma asked me out, which is also Valentine’s Day, and it was the best decision of all time for SO many reasons. maybe i will make a fun big post detailing those thoughts that another time!! we spent our anniversary day trying out a new coffee spot (so cute and SO pink omg), taking photo booth pictures at a new spot, exploring cute shops, and having an insanely delicious set menu i think maybe 6 courses? at a very fancy restaurant. i think 3 years ago we tried a new restaurant on our anniversary w their set Valentine’s Day menu course and it was so good, fun, and the best way to try out new foods so we’ve kept it going and i LOVE IT!!!!! i am already excited to see what tenma picks out for next year lol. finished the night by watching In The Mood For Love at our favorite local movie theater and i LOVED the movie, the whole end until bedtime we were just talking about it and dissecting it together. i love our life!!!!!!!!!

-tenma and i went to disneyland at the end of February for our anniversary trip!! ive gone before but they haven’t. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN i am not a Disney fan at all but i love disneyland idk it’s just fun as fuck… um my feet were fucked afterwards lol but so worth it. one day at disneyland and the next at California aventure i wanna go back already but most importantly, tenma was already talking about wanting to go back and that makes me so happy bc it means they really enjoyed it!!! yay!!!! they even went on rides they thought were really scary just so we could try them together just once and that filled my heart with joy. then we also got to meet my online friend and had hotpot together. DELICIOUS i want to go back and explore LA next time and see more friends!!!! we are maybe planning a trip to San Fran in a few months though as the consulate is there to get my passport so that will take priority over any other trips☝🏼

-I GOT MY GREENCARD YEAGHHRHRHFJF!!!!!!!! ok actually i got it last year lol i wasn’t sure if i should put that on here but actually im so happy so fuck it!!! and then we celebrated by having a fancy dinner and I shared the news w the waiter who said he also did the same process w his wife! and yes i cried when i got my greencard idc i am HAPPY! crazy bc i got DACA for the first time in 2013 and then in 2023 i got my greencard… it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. and tenmas been there literally every step of the way…. Tenma is my rock I love them so much im crying typing this bc of how much i love them and how much they always support me and augnfngnfmg

-concerts this year have been Sonic symphony, kikuo/bo en/gus, Hannah Diamond, and hatsune miku (mikuexpo 2024)!!!!!!!! i loved all of the concerts genuinely so fun and next month i am taking my youngest sibling to a concert of a guy I don’t know but they love him so we will go and have a blast 🫡 idk if I’ll buy more tickets to more concerts but even if I don’t, it’s been a really really good year concert wise and i got to experience so many fun shows i never thought i would see live before!!

-spent time with lovely friends and celebrated old friendships and new ones yaaaay i love my friends and im blessed to have a good support system and I can’t wait to see what new friends I make in the future….

-I have a cold rn and took nighttime meds and unfortunately they are starting to hit so it’s time to say goodnight to tumblr…

If you read this far ummm ok weirdo… lol just kidding but i will try and post my lil life updates and pics more often so that not all my posts are like. months worth of writing… or maybe I won’t and the next time I make a post will be in a year idk!!!! this site is full of so many memories both good and bad and it’s dear to my lil heart, even if the feel isn’t the same since everyone mass migrated to Twitter, I want to come back here more often and make new memories whenever I can. goodnight 💤

#gatortext #such is life as ale #lol I haven’t used that tag in so long the last post on there has me gagged like. WHAT

[slenderverse]

PLS I LOVE HEARINV ABT PPLS SPIDERSONAS!!!!

(explodes) ok uhm. uhm. GRABS HIM (well he uses he/she)

this is martin riley (born mary james riley yes this is important) and "his" spider name is spidershfiter :) he has DID but he's from 1976 so he has no clue what the fuck that is and nobody will tell him because MPD isn't even in the DSM until the 80s.

he was generally a kid who stayed by himself bc he spent all his time outside of school helping his mom out w the rooms that she rented out in their home (her dad was a mechanic and they were outside of town, so it was normal for someone who needed to get their car repaired to stay overnight etc etc) BUT he was best friends w a boy named peter parker :) peter called her MJ.

IM GONNA PUT STUFF UNDER THE CUT. UH. TW FOR CAR CRASHES/MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH/ ITS REALLY LONG SORRY IVE BEEN THINKING ABT THIS FOR WEEKS.

and then peter got bit. and riley found out about spiderman by complete accident! but he promised peter that he'd never tell a soul about it. so that went on for a couple months, with peter secretly acting as spiderman and riley being a big supporter of it but still dealing w his system & frequent loss of time etc etc

THEN. uh. there's a car accident. and peter dies, riley lives, and he doesn't quite know what to do with himself? but one of the thoughts in his head gets louder and louder demanding that he needs to be spiderman because without peter there IS no spiderman. nobody knows that spiderman is dead. riley does not want to be spiderman. but He Does:

nick forms as a trauma response to the crash. he wants to be spiderman. and goddammit he's gonna BE spiderman. so he starts to force himself to front and reverse-engineers all of the spider tech that peter was using to use for himself. and it works! he's able to be spiderman without having any powers, it's a miracle. but he's doing his best to hide it from riley. imagine hiding your secret identity from yourself.

meanwhile riley is going to college and getting an english degree. he picks up a job at his college library doing copyediting for other students. then someone from a big scientific organization comes over and is like "hey we need copyeditors. you're good at your job. c'mere." so he gets hired at alchemax, not for anything cool, just to copyedit people's papers/research/etc to make sure everything is clean and comprehensible.

that's when he meets jonathon ohnn :) who is a scientist as part of the budding space program but really his passion is alternate realities! he writes a lot. and riley keeps getting his papers. so eventually they decide to close the gap and start working one-on-one.

(i'm still debating what i want jon's backstory to be, my main thought is MAYBE Vietnamese family that immigrated? i don't know i gotta do more research on that)

they fall in love and start living together :) jon learns abt riley's system and tries to be as adaptable as he can towards it, which amazes riley bc he's never had someone in his life active acknowledge it.

THERES SOME EXTRA LORE ABT THE SPIDERS JUST KNOW FOR NOW THAT THERE ARE THREE WAVES OF SPIDERS. the original (bit peter) the spy (bit riley. spoilers oops) and the brute (bit eddie/venom and carnage bc aliens do not exist in my timeline but fucked up science does!)

riley gets bit when nick feels really bad about the "neglected" spiders and when trying to feed one gets bit. that gives them powers. the thing is w the spy powers is that a majority of them focus on stealth/reading people/etc. so like for example riley's webs are laced with a mild amount of hallucinogenics that it acts as a "truth serum" etc.

woahh now she's spiderman (SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE SPIDERMAN.) nick is spiderman yayyy he likes being spiderman.

and uh! then jon dies. riley wasn't there. he was supposed to be at work that day but he called out. and he gets a phone call. jon's dead. he dies and it's never clear how he dies. his funeral is open casket and riley never gets full closure because his relationship w jon was never seen as what it actually was.

he stops fronting. nick starts fronting. nick is fronting for months. then an anomaly shows up in his dimension and he has to fight it, peter b shows up, is like "hey kid you need a part time job?" and nick's like YEAH I WANNA SEE THE OTHER SPIDER PEOPLE!!! PLEASE!!!! so into the multiverse they go!

but it had a strange reaction on riley and his system. basically, now, whoever fronts, the body shifts into (thus the name spidershifter).

(small image wip etc)

they get assigned on spy missions because all things consider, it's impossible for them to cause a paradox because nick/mickey/vanessa/etc do NOT exist in these universes! (but what about riley? you may ask. aren't there other rileys?)

here's the thing about riley: he is dead in most universes. he's a canon event. he's the uncle ben for johnathon (if he lives long enough to see him at all). he's supposed to be dead. why isn't he? because he became mj. so he's an outlier from a realistic timeline shift and he hates it. he hates it so much but. he tries to find jon in the universes that spidershifter is sent to spy on. he just wants to see him. talk to him, maybe.

the spot happens and uh why does he sound like his dead boyfriend. why does he remember him. why is he talking to him. Help. (my hc is that when 1610 jon became the spot, he fused with all other versions of him. there is no other jon. there is just him and he remembers all of them)

uhm and that's all i have rn bc that's where the movie ends and i dont want to go into detail talking abt specific alters or interactions w specific characters unless asked. bc this is already so much. im so sorry.

TL;DR: this is spidershifter vvvv

#answers #Anonymous #atsv #atsv spoilers #LONG POST #VERY VERY LONG POST IM INSANE #spidersona #martin riley

[horsesarecreatures]

Went to see Amba again. She is doing ok. Her kidney enzymes came back fine, so she was started on the oxytetracycline yesterday. She did have diahhrea, though. She also had no hay so I asked for a hay net to be put up, and sent an email in the evening asking if she could please have free choice hay like at home. 

Unfortunately, she cannot be turned out with the catheter right now. With her spooking at everything and looking like she was thinking about trying to hop the fence of the outdoor arena the other day, there’s just too high a risk that it can get ripped out. I’m hoping this will change if the antibiotics kick in and the spooking decreases. She’s been stalled at night before, but never 24/7, minus 2 days last year when the pastures were covered in black ice. And she didn't really take it well; she started violently head tossing when I let her run around in the indoor. Today she was good, but she’s lethargic.

I was going to go to tractor supply to buy her some stall toys (because I foolishly gave away the ones I had bought for Cannoli), but luckily they already had some and put them up. I’m curious to see if she will play them, because she’s never been particularly playful, which is quite possibly a symptom of the lyme.

There is a little indoor arena, so when I see her I groom her then walk her around in there for an hour. I feel really bad for her because there’s only 1 other horse there and she can’t see him even though he’s stalled next to her. 

I am aiming to have her stay a month, provided she doesn't react too badly to the meds. 

I need to figure out my game plan for boosting her immune system. I will reach out to that lady from the video I posted yesterday to see if she can recommend more specific herbals. The vets here aren’t against herbals by any means, but they also aren't holistic specialists so they didn’t really recommend anything targeted. I absolutely plan on keeping her on probiotics and colostrum supplements permanently at this point. But I also just want to make sure the ones I’m using, probiotic wise and immubiome, have a long shelf life and can withstand the stomach acid. In the human world so many supplements are scams since they’re unregulated, and I’m sure the situation is even worse with animals.

Maybe I should add vitamin e as well? Both she and Cannoli had levels that were fine when I tested them, though. But I know it protects neurons. If the vets think it may help I will add it. It doesn’t wind up in urine like vitamin c so maybe extra will help. 

I was looking into her diet as well, but don’t necessarily think there’s anything that should be changed. She gets 1 scoop of Sunshine Plus ration balancer, 2 scoops of alfalfa pellets, 1 scoop of probiotic wise, and one scoop of immubiome am and pm. Technically, the sunshine plus is not the absolute best since it does contain molasses, but it does have yeast culture as the 4th ingredient, and also has MosPlus probiotics and bioavailable vitamin e & se. So while it wouldn't be great for a laminitic horse, for Amba with a weak immune system and microbiome that’s probably destroyed at this point, I feel like it’s a good choice. The other ration balancers that I’m aware of either don't have probiotics, or don't have them as high on the ingredient list. 

I’m feeling quite depressed over this situation. But it’s a different type of depression and feeling overwhelmed lately that is not my typical seasonal, holiday, or grief-related variety. It is more a feeling of, “everything feels like BS so what is the point?” It just seems like such astronomical bad luck to have to send 2 horses to a clinic for nuero issues just a few months apart. Only 2 horses in 2014 had EDM like Cannoli. And while many more have lyme, most don’t have to get IV oxytetracycline. And there’s other things going on, too. Like my boss of many years got fired by the historical society. I wrote a post on Facebook about it and over 100 people bombarded the historical society and town board with emails supporting him in response, but they still haven't hired him back, or even bothered to find a replacement for him. So there will no longer be a farm. 

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

"Manages multiple projects simultaneously while working on tight deadlines."

call me insane but I think this is another example of ableism esp. with neurodivergence. like bitch I can't even remember to drink water until I've almost passed out and I have to be under pressure???

ok and also this looks like an example of how todays companies are assigning more work to less workers. like maybe if y'all weren't so fucking greedy, multitasking wouldn't be as prominent. like what. I had to do 3 peoples jobs at my fuckng thrift store. like what is this.

like ive already accepted the world is a cruel place and I need to not give up if there is hope for anything good ever again. and I did learn a lot about myself and how to handle it when things are too ouchies in my brain.

so idk I guess im just pissed that working yourself to complete exhaustion just so you can hope to live in a place is just annoying to me.

regenerative farming is how we will stop this madness. no more grind. except grind weed on farm after waking up at 5 am and getting all the chores for the day done by noon. or something. (this is after a system is kinda figured out, which will take loooooots of work, but hey better than feeding a fugly ceo

I also really hate the idea of professionalism more and more. like what sick fuck thought it would be a great idea to turn the workplace, where you get money to literally survive, into a place where no one feels like they can be themselves and those that are too naive just get taken advantage over... maybe im just projecting now....

I have the sad. I was so angry today and I made it without prolonging the argument to over 2 hours :") I slipped up but at least I learned something.

man ok im good again. basically im gonna see the migration duck movie it looks so good I was waiting for it all last year

man I know professionalism sucks. a lot of things suck. but if anyone is struggling with negativity like I am, I will tell you that you deserve to take time out of your day to go cry if you need to. your eyes need to pee just the same as your bladder do.

idk who reading this but you got it man, you got it going. much love <3

#rant #adhd #ableism #idk #work #workplace #professionalism

[leafbatraccoon]

sims tag game!!

i was tagged by @d4isy-nukes via reading her post oh well lets go

1. What’s your favourite sims death? in ts4: METEOR muahahhah

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? if i have to pick, maxis match, but im partial to maxis mix choices

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? not usually, no, but i have done it by tweaking a bit in cas, rarely but i it happened

4. Do you use move objects? fuck yea, love that shit

5. Favorite mod? i loved gem's answers btw absolute same but hum... i really dont know.. the classics, wwhims for attraction system, zerbu's, don't wash dishes where you angry poop, lumpinou's rpo, i really cant pick, i use so many, it's giving me whats ur favourite kid energy

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? GTW yall & i stand by it

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? the wrong way

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? AGAIN WITH THE CHILD PICKING !!! no but really i can't pick favourites no matter what

9. Have you made a simself? not one that looks like me bc i don't even know what i look like tbh but i made a kind of avatar

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? self-absorbed gloomy geek 🤢

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? depends on the sim

12. Favorite EA hair? all the sdx ones were pretty dope so far

13. Favorite life stage? the ones that are yet to come eheh

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? prolly gameplay which in ts4 i rely on mods for a lot, but ts4 made me more confident in building or at least decorating, it's very fun now and in ts2 i used to spend a lot of time in cas and the body shop

15. Are you a CC creator? no, but maybe one day

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i dont think so ?!

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) ts2&3 for different reasons, i never played the first one tho, i mean i did but not really

18. Do you have any sims merch? a phone charm that came with a promotional magazine for ts3 launch, i cant fine the magazine tho ;(

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? i wouldn't know what to do with it

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i made a lot of long haired blondes with ballroom dresses in my ts2 era for some reason, i dont even know where i was getting cc from, really long hair and ballroom dresses on the toddlers too if you can imagine oh and i had mermaid tails from downloading oher sims so naturally i made a bunch of sirens all the time

21. What’s your Origin ID? i think it's gumbreath now

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? oh gosh why did i decide to do this ??! humm cant pick one so shout out to @tudtuds merecido

23. How long have you had a simblr? circa 5 months so far

24. How do you edit your pictures? i use gimp the open-source queen, for my spellcaster legacy i was trying to do a scrappy photoset vibe, mystical motherhood im literaly just cropping and since ive reinstalled shaders i just use a preset for stardew moon bc i am nothing if not lazy ig

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? none, id like them to fix the game we already have 😘 but if i had to ig faeries for gamepack, travel for expansion (with 3 decent worlds & hotels plz) and literally any stuff pack so they can say they didnt lie to us about it 🤡

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? im a sucker for sulani so island living for EP? although the mermaids deserved better, big cottage stan but wish goats and horses were on it so not on the podium & get together still has the best world; paranormal stuff pack by faaaaar, it was the least cash grabby SP ever i thought i was dreaming when they didnt call it a gamepack

ok so that is it, if you read this so far ... why ? /hj im doing the same and tagging whoever sees it IF THEY FEEL LIKE PARTAKING 🤍🤍🤍 OK BYEE

#tag game #raccoon only

[thegeminisage]

im in kakariko and WAH koko and cottla still pray to their mom every day and their dad joins them...but they can't get to the actual cemetery bc of the ruins >:( and "rpincess zelda" said not to go near them. it is driving me crazy that i cant so this quest!!

i googled and apparently this quest involves the business with the Fifth Sage so i have to hold off for now :/ SUUUUCKS gonna collect some korok seeds and then find something else to do

oh wow that interactive map got a BIG upgrade. i can just ask it where certain items are now lol

I FOUND? THEIR MOMS? JOURNAL??? oh my god in the kakariko well.......

she had a garden down here 😭 she lists all their favorite foods......

theres a korok seed at the cemetery, so i went the long way around and left a silent princess for her. i'm gonna come back and get the rest later when the main quest takes me here

i knew there'd have to be a fifth sage, but a whole quest AND dungeon...that's pretty amazing!! i wonder if we get a 5th companion...zelda as a ghost companion would be SICK but i know nintendo would Never

ive decided to attempt to investigate the faron thunderstorm. wish me luck

THUNDERHEAD ISLES.......this is so cool. i can't see shit <3

also all of my bows & weapons rn are metal...oops lol

whoooa the music here.........

when i say i cant see shit i mean i REALLY. cant see shit. even the depths is better than this, at least there you can use brightbloom seeds

i found a flux construct but i CANT SEE LOL and i dont have any nonmetal weapons worth any damage...im doing it blind while only switching to goo weapons when im actually attacking sdlfjghsdfjkg girl HELLLP

GOT HIMMMMM wow im a BEAST

i used the shadows and the LAST of my stamina to make it to ??? dragonhead island ??? WHICH I STILL CAN'T SEE

there's gotta be some trick to clearing or navigating the storm but i dont wanna google it in case its like...THE SIXTH SAGE,

FUCK IT LITERALLY IS A FITH SAGE THING I HATE THIS GAME LOL

ok. fucking hell. im leaving. is there ANYTHING interesting im allowed to do rn. jesus

from now on im just going to assume that if i suddenly hear cool music im not supposed to be here.

landed in the horse god lake and caught that big stallion. named it yeto in honor of the big white abominable snowman in tp salute emoji

this well has a bubbulfrog inside it ??????

where the FUCK am i going theres a whole ass cave system down here

another ancient blade.......

KOMO SHORELINE? what in GODS NAME

fine ok i can work with this. jesus.

actually no i can't. it's raining and i don't want to climb all this shit nor do i want to tangle with electric lizalfos. i swear to god

ok. back to the stable.

oh flute boy!! i forgot about him. i guess he must be part of the band. luckily this time i have his fireflies...

AWWW the glowing tree was so cute and pretty

ok, feeling more prepared for komo shoreline now. luckily there's not much here anyway...

PHANTOM HELMET. NICE

NO!!!!!! a fucking BLOOD MOON while i was attacking this electric lizalfos camp!!! COME ONNNNN

i survived but god one of the lizalfos got glitched and there WASN'T. even a treasure chest over here. good fucking lord

i found my first above-ground lynel......and it's silver. this is what i get for waiting so long to seek them out...

omg my ancient arrow sent him to eeby deeby. im reloading tho idw waste it on that

okay so. he is hitting, very, hard,

i can't climb a tree either cuz he can Get me

okay. well! i died. clearly outmatched. i need.........better armor. i am so TIIIIRRRED of getting my ass kicked!!!!

for better or worse i'm in the chasm on the island next to hyrule castle. i figure it's probably an isolated place since. yk. island. reeeally wish i could find a lightroot tho

A FROX....SICK

blue-white frox. less sick. im gonna die again :(

omg i GOT HIM!!! n*ce

i cheated and peeked at the map...theres literally nothing else down here lmao not even a lightroot. im gonna go...somewhere else!! but later. i have to take a break now for food chores etc ive been playing for hours

#personal #loz blogging #totk lb #totk spoilers

[kamil-a]

ok ace route end thoughts. incredibly messy post i put together a lot of it last night, half-asleep, and im trying to just. do my best with that lol

they invented queerbaiting for m/f couples

she was just so recently scared of him, but goes on a camping trip anyway and does seem to have a decent time! caught in by his magnetic pull, huh...

we arent going to OUTER space but we are going to MEDIUM space. which is great!

THE JOKER??!?!?!? THERE WAS A CLOWN MAN??!?!?!? 

it was a gourcus...

really id seen the cg before but still!!! i was so shocked to see him!!!

-oh okay. id dropped the pics and copypasted twitter comments over last night when i was too tired, so this is gonna be out of order a little bit- i do nt rly want to reorder them.

-she MAKES HER CHOICE is the thing, and then joker shows up AFTER to mess around!

=i suspect that the nightmare and peter (putting a note here that peter talks to her a: in the circus and b: she says she feels like he’s trying to poke hole in her decision) that we saw were joker in disguise/projecting illusions or something. because itts ace’s route i assume he did his part himself but itd still be interesting even if it werent i guess?

BITING HER EAR LIKE CHOMP?? RIGHT ON THE LAWN OF HER FAKE MEMORY DREAM HOUSE??? WHERE THERES PROBABLY A FREAKY OTHERWORLD CORALINE LOOKING LORINA GHOST?!?

im horrifascinated with him literally invading her nostalgic memories (and the state she’s tied herself to embodying here in WL!) to like... rub himself all over it. defile the past. AND, showing up in the sunday afternoon peaceful garden times zone is like a fuckyou to peter too... like a cat pissing on a tree in another cat’s territory. theres two separate sex scenes in this ending (lmaooo) but i dont even really think of this one as like. particularly sexual (or i guess i should say erotic? sex is about power blah blah) so much as ace wanting to assert power over alice and peter and like. the ghost of lorina liddell i guess. 

can you see this from heaven? if you could, would this even be the shape your heaven takes? well, in the end youre actually not here to say otherwise . so i will say it as if you’ve seen: haha lorina i am banging your sister

and i think on some level alice knows that lorina... isnt there to catch them in the act. that her objection to this isn’t “whats wrong with you, my sister could walk in on us any second!!!” but “i don’t want you to defile my perfect memories of this place, and of my perfect sister”.

-this is also like. i think one of the most explicit routes ive seen in terms of textual descriptions of things. 

-OH YEAH the other one was really really fun hes like doing an edgy oohhh ur my ruin you will bring my doom roleplay and shes like. excuse me? i dont want to bring your doom. what are you talking about. and hes like aww yeah my girlfriend is going to kill me one day and shes like HUH????? shes literally just trying to have a nice time and he keeps ruining it with his bizarre dirty (?) fantasizing about her destroying him it’s really funny

-and it all even started bc she was talking to peter and ace got jealous. even tho if he LISTENED a bit he’s realize she was talking abt how she chose ace.

-

-they probably had to up the stakes from friendship kissing by making ace a bites you bites you bites you bites you guy but it works for him 

she says he can name most of the stars she points out, but thankfully never gives names so MY CITY NOW - i think they have a lot of constellations named after things from the hunting of the snark + jabberwocky.

(which in my even deeper MY CITY NOW headcanonings is where they adopted their game-and-roleholder system from. so it’s sort of a remnant of it and a remembrance out of respect).

-i always much prefer when it's made textually clear in the moment that she wants something she verbally denies! This one seems particularly clear, i wonder if its a matter of being written years later 

-i can become happy in my own world, too. CAN YOU??? PERSON WHO VOWED TO NEVER BECOME HAPPY???

-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-lmao he THREW HIS SWORD AT HER to trip her

-i think a lot of this was in the musical

-you gotta wonder why he isnt feeding her the game juice back if he wants her in such a state of stasis, yknow? 

-Instead, having her firmly choose, but swearing he'll remind her of pain- my guess being it's to keep her from truly losing her outsideship? 

its for jnkna reasons i assume, but even hearts era ace is clumsy enough to go about it in the most inconvenient way lmao...

also. i love how the conclusion she comes to after her little "im scared!!!!" detour is like... "well im just weirdly drawn to him. dont know why hes so magnetic. cant help loving him" BC ME TOO HONESTLY????

-THE MOST AUTHENTIC HES EVER BEEN....

-OH YEAH! AND SHE NEVER EVEN FOUND OUT ABOUT JULIUS!!!!!!

-SHE DOESNT KNOW HER BF’S SIDE JOB. OR THAT HE HAS A BEST FRIEND

#thoughtful honking #messy kinda post but watever #scene discussed with qrtypical consent problems. im more here to discuss other things about that scene so its not rly talked abt #in detail but just in case just in case.

[lusciouslii]

actually yknow what forget that, my kink blog ill post whatever little thoughts i want. even if im just yelling into the void at least i get to yell!

longer rant incoming bc im tired and want this out of my system!!

-

so i met this guy on feabie and immediately it was super exciting because we go to the same college!!

hes also super fucking hot which was its own weird thing bc ive really never experienced like physical sexual attraction so that was weird. but yeah dude looks good and he has a nice voice so thats already not helping me

we’ve met up a couple times now, once to sorta test the waters, once just to cuddle in my room???? which looking back it was at that point i was straight up fucked because as someone who had recently gotten out of a bad relationship in which all my needs and emotions had been completely neglected, having that kind of sweet and affectionate intimacy?? all while my chubby body is being praised and adored??? never once had that in my LIFE.

the other few times has been pretty lowkey too. we did do a feeding session once but i got sick and it was the most humiliating thing. but he was so nice and caring and we continued to talk afterwards so i just try not to think about it anymore lol

we didnt talk much over the summer since i had to go back home across the country, but he reached out a few times and i was like damn ok im still of interest to him

this semester started great because i planted the seed (aka posted a pic showing i was back over here) knowing he would probably see it and if he’d say anything, and he fucking did he reached out and was excited i was back and wanted to meet up soon. schedules were a little rough but eventually we did!

i felt extra happy because it was sort if spur of the moment decision and he was moving back an online hangout he’d been planning with friends for a couple weeks. so i was like omg he really wants to see me even if only for a little bit thats so nice

and now that we have several months ahead of us we started talking about doing more of a feeder/feedee setup and things like that and im, obviously, super into the idea, and he seemed super into it too!! the dirty things he said to me that night!!!! not fair!!!!!!!

i sent pics later that night bc we talked about it and he said he’d “return the favor” lol but the. like. i sent them and he didn’t say anything until i posted a pic to feabie 🙃 and he was like oh sorry i completely missed your text! which like alright, and he asked me how i was doing and blah blah brief smalltalk

i asked if he wanted to meet up again soon and he said “Yea I’d be down, I gotta see what’s going on tho / need to play it by ear”

now heres where i get all introspective because to me, i dont see why we couldnt just schedule something in the future. unless, that is, hes trying to keep his schedule open for other stuff. i can get that to a certain degree, and i have to like. really ponder on it because i dont want to be some clingy needy girl who is fawning after a guy im not even dating, but its like….idk it makes me feel kinda sad? that im not enough of a priority to want to pick a set day to do something? so idk how to feel about that exactly

anyways i tried asking again some days later and he wasnt free, no surprise, usually when we do something its sorta this impulsive last minute thing, which again like. sorta plays into that whole im not really a priority unless idk youre horny or something

but its weird cause it seems like he does care and does want more than just horny shenanigans? we havent had sex yet and have only even had one actual feeding session. soooo worlds most patient fuckboy if thats the case but i just really dont get those vibes

but also im gullible and see the best in people i care about and thats how i got fucked over in my last relationship

im just feeling pretty sad about the whole thing right now because we talked about doing all these things and i really want that but hes so uncommunicative and im afraid of being obsessive. again, might be on me too because im going in thinking maybe theres a chance to do more

but then again even if there isnt thats FINE i just want to do SOMETHING lmao

so now im just left wanting and thinking about him a lot and oh yeah need i remind WE GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL WHY CANT WE JUST MEET UP CASUALLY ONE AFTERNOON 😭

idk but im afraid of maybe ruining the best relationship ive formed in this kink after figuring out what i wanted from it. god even now im just like “youre thinking too hard about this it doesnt matter that much, youre supposed to be flexible and chill and just go with the flow cause its just a little side thing” but welp. my brain is noisy and i dont have a good outlet. another problem of not having friends in this kink but im not good at responding to people which online is the only way to talk to people and now im just rambling

anyways ending this here and hoping he’ll reach out eventually cause boy does the heart yearn 🥲🥲🥲

#also WOW i pray he doesnt somehow find this #he doesnt have my tumblr #but it wouldnt be too hard to figure out from what he does have

[borom1r]

For the asks you just reblogged: lawrence, eric, peter (or strahm. whichever sounds better hfmsbsns) & mallick!!!

Lawrence:

Headcanon A:  realistic — ok ok ok ive seen it come up in art n im sure fics as well every now n then but i rlly dont think Adam could talk Lawrence into going to a pride event. i think the first time he goes is for Diana. and i think its just. so big for him? seeing his daughter making friends, and winding up at the end of the day decked out in bi flag merch + compared to how he grew up and the perceptions of queer people he was exposed to. its not even like. For Him, this huge fucking wave of emotion, but moreso that his daughter has grown up so much more open and joyful than he got the chance to. she doesn't have the weight of the world on her shoulders and he couldn't be prouder or more relieved.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious — Adam is the reason Lawrence drank wood. (to clarify: Adam decided to make shakes for them both and, while making an oreo shake for Lawrence, stuck a wooden spoon into the blender while it was still on. he couldnt see any chunks of wood so he decided to just leave it be. later, while drinking, Lawrence bit down on what was Supposed to be a piece of oreo. it was instead, in fact, fucking wood. this is coming from lived experience. please know I am Lawrence in this situation.)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends — hey do u wanna hear the worst headcanon. hey. hey. Lawrence Does Not Feel Guilty About Leaving Adam In The Bathroom <3

John indoctrinates Lawrence into a system that feeds his craving for purpose and structure and Lawrence does not think twice. I think it says very interesting things abt him VS Mandy.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own. — in a perfect world Lawrence played along w/ John only long enough to get himself safely to a hospital + then showed up later and beat John to death with that torture device of a fucking prosthesis John tried to force onto him. peace and love on planet earth, baby

Eric:

Headcanon A:  realistic — idk how realistic this really is but i also dont care u will pry trans/autistic eric from my cold dead trans/autistic hands. especially the autism side of things i see soooooo much of myself in him it makes me fucking insane

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious — ok entirely based off Donnie Wahlberg himself, the man the myth the legend, Eric can sing SO WELL and has a weakness for pop music. even Jigsaw himself couldn't make the man admit it out loud but dear god. when he's alone in his car? BLASTING the tackiest 90s boyband shit imaginable

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends — Eric was raised in an abusive household. idk this has come up vaguely in other meta ive posted but that quote, "if you grew up with an angry man in your house there will always be an angry man in your house"?? yea.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own. — i feel like this is literally all of my softer meta abt Eric but it makes me happy and goddamn do i love him. Eric gets pet rats as soon as he can post-IV + definitely has had multiple "I put the rat in the fridge and went to put the butter in the rat cage" moments. thankfully, this just means his rats get to ransack the cheese drawer unsupervised for a few minutes every now and then

Strahm:

Headcanon A:  realistic — he has a wedding band but is not actually married. the one (1) time he splurged on himself it was to get people to stop fucking asking why he’s not married/if he and Perez are dating/when they’re gonna make it official. there? are you happy? he bought a ring now shut the fuck up.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious — Peter Strahm: Good With Children. Literally Cannot Comprehend This Fact. Diana has declared him like, her 6th favorite person (after Larry and Allison and Adam + Allison's partner(s)— I love Allison/Tracy/Rigg so much so yknow) and he has No Goddamn Clue Why. lord help this emotionally stunted, dense fucking man.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends — he doesn't replace things unless they are near unusable. why waste the money? he doesn't deem himself worthy of comfort.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own. — Perez buys him gag gifts a lot. or like, not GAG gifts but shit that’s definitely making fun of him a little. by far his favorite is a trucker hat that says “retired don’t ask me to do a damn thing” he wears it regularly when he’s not working

Mallick:

Headcanon A:  realistic — he used to bite his nails sometimes bad enough they’d bleed. reeeeegularly had bandaids on his fingers for a long fucking chunk of his life

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious — FURRY FURRY FURRY FURRY FURRY FURRY im a Mallick Scott sparkledog fursona truther

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends — Brit is dead and that’s the only reason Mallick sits and listens to Bobby’s bullshit. he lost the one person keeping him going. he lost himself.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own. — REAL MALLICK SCOTT ARKIN OBRIEN COUSINS HOURS. I FEEL LIKE CHARLIE FUCKING PEPE-SILVIAING IT UP OUT HERE BUT THEY ARE COUSINS AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY FUCKING MIND

#ask #BESTIE THANK U

[yellowbentley]

fuzzy and the terrible horrible fuckass testday he did NOT wantt to to but had to anyway

I DID NOT FORGET I PROMISED

reader bewarb this this shit is long may or may not be hard to follow because i talk about (my) degree jargon

ok lessgo

to begin. you need context. theres an organization (one for every country im assuming) that issues tickets stating "X CAN WELD" or else some schmuck with a helmet can walk in and work.

theres a ticket for every process in every position and then some. it was these tickets i was testing for today and i was WILDLY unprepared. it isnt the first time ive done them but i was super out of practice. they are flat, horizontal, vertical and overhead.

so cut to february, the last time we did tickets. remember when i wanted to end it all because i failed a test i spent a hundred dollars on? yeah this was one of those. i failed my horizontal so this time around i thought "i dont wanna do my fuckign horizontal cause last time i failed and i felt like shit so im gonna do my vertical instead"

what no one told meeeee was that you have to get your tickets in position order. and i KNOW i take forever and a day, hence me only doing one.

well i didnt do one. i did two. i have no idea if i passed or failed them and tbh im too scared to check because i was completely out of fucks two beads into my vertical.

but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

the test sheets had to be reprinted twice because the first go around they missed imputting someone into the system and the second time around someone got lost, and then got registered twice. great lovely. so because of this all of our test plates were wrong because we all got new assigned numbers.

we finally get our sheets we go and pay and while im in line in the bookstore to pay for my test (remember this) guess what fucking hit me. the cramps i had spent all night hoping for. at 8:30 in the morning. litterally 2 hours behind schedule. i was FURIOUS. so now i had that to deal with all day thankfully ive had worse but because they didnt arrive on time i have full permission to bitch as much as i want.

so back to the shop. i was trying to set my peremiters for my vert so i hadnt even started yet when my instrucor pokes his head into my booth and says "(tester) wants to see you" so i go and thats when i find out that you have to do the tests in order. so i tack and stamp up some new plates which was probably the least annoying part of the whole day

so i do the new plates first. welding it out goes relatively fine. it took forever to find an instructor to verify it but whatever.

AND THEN I GO TO GOUGE THE BACKING STRIP OFF.

i could not. for thee fucking life of me. unscrew the cutting tips from the oxy torches. ive seen people do it. ive done it. it is Not Hard. i used a wrench n all on all 3 tables and it would Not Come Off. so i said to hell with this and went to the carbon arc room.

carbon arc cutting is using specialized electrodes to vaporize metal. you drag it over metal and it carves into it. fast and easy.

but i of course had a hell of a time doing it like i do anything and it was Not Working. by the time i did figure out what i was doing wrong there were carbon deposits coming out the yahoo and it which are difficult to gouge through. so i had half of it very nice and the other half a melted amalgamtion of metal and didnt gouge very much off. great.

so i finish that. away i go back to my booth. to grind for the next i dont even know how long because oh my fucking god SO much grinding. im not big enough to use the 7 inch grinders so i have to use a 5 inch one which is yk what let me just show you

these are all cordless but you get the fuckin gist.

what everyone else got to use vs what i got. dying.

so i finally fucking got it flush. cut it. not a big deal. onto the second one at 1:30. i feel like i should mention that at this point everyone else has been done for like two hours.

i didnt even start welding until like 10ish so i was already 2 hours behind everyone only doing one plate. most everyone else did 2 and so did i BUT I ONLY WANTED ONE

my vertical was so bad i was way too hot and shaking and i didnt put them in in a very good order i would genuinely be surprised if it didnt snap. i needed a practice one but i had No Time so it was messy and the cap was large and my rods were sticking so i was frustrated aND OH THATS SOMETHING IM FORGETTING

some electrodes need to be baked/stored in an oven to keep moisture content low. when i ran out i went to get more and the oven was empty so ithought i'll be a good samaritan and fill it up AND I GOT THE BOX THAT SAID. 3/32ND. MATCHES THE OVEN. AND I OPENED IT. AND IT WAS THE WRONG KIND OF ELECTRODES.

and once you open these they cant be resealed they need to be either used or cooked within 4 hours.

so i started stuffing as many electrodes into the oven as i could and in my haste i sliced both my fucking hands open. i didnt even notice the cut on my right palm because the one on my left pointer finger was just gushing blood all over soaking my glove and getting over the electrodes (absolutely my fault btw i should of been wearing gloves. i deserved this one) and so i stopped and said i need to handle this. so away i went. bandaged now all good. just again. annoyed. and i still didnt have any 7018s.

i found some. eventually. fuck.

i finished my second test at idk 2:30 or maybe a bit later, begged one of the instructors to mill the back off for me because i was NOTTT doing the carbon arc/ grinding for forever again. once it was done bc time crunch i p much just got to look at and get excited over the smooth mill peices before my instructor whisked it away to grind/cut himself. which - i understand completely time crunch im slow i get it im not bothered.

and then we cleaned up. and i was talking to the tester a little bit before i left and he said "glad you paid because theyre checking who didnt hoho"

now. guys. recall at the start of the post where i said that 2 tests are a hundred bucks. and i only paid for one.

i did one of my tests for free afusdiaksoqondiakdka. he said he'd get the paperwork later and he never did 😭

then. fucking FINALLY it was 3 and i got on the bus and came home and i was so spent i had an alcoholic freezie. i dont drink.

i should of fucking stayed home.

#if you read all this i commend thee #adventures

[highonthought]

Freakin bumble man 😂

So the dance guy ive been talking to is actually mad fucking fun 🙄😜. I hope these emojis show up on the desktop version

Ok so anyway my last weekend:

Dude im trying so hard to remeber how this weekend started, ive seen him a lot this weekend. Oh ok thats right the vintage market. So i hadnt seen this dude in almost two weeks since the first date we went on. And i wasnt sure if i was going to again at that point, bc our schedules kept not syncing up and he was busy, or i was busy.

I was going to the night Market with bestie and her friend, and this guy texted that day saying “oh you should come see me at the market, im going to be MCing the dance battle.” And i was like worm ok! Im going to that anyway! So us girls go, look around, i say hello to him. He’s doing his thing on the mic, talking to me, doing his thing on the mic. It was cute, he kept coming back to me haha. He would take some steps away to be closer to the sound system bc of the range on the mic. And we’re talking, he asks me what im doing after, i say NOTHING WHAT YOU DOING BBGIRL (but more cool and slick lmao). So he says hes off at 930. I leave and go back to my friends, we walk around and look at the clothes, we leave to get some food, i didnt eat much bc i was hoping to actually go out after with this guy. And ok so like the way he talks, hes very coy, cery go with the flow, and im not always sure what is a joke or if he fr want me (LMAO), so at that point i still wasnt sure if i was going to die anything with him after. But i showed vstie the texts with this guys and she told me that yea, he for sure wanted to hang with me after. So they drop me back off at the market at 930, but wait for me in the parking lot just in case. The plan was for me to go chat up the guy snd see what the move was, then text them and let them know if i was staying or going with them. BUT, i felt bad about making them wait that i texted them “ok u can go” before i even talked to the guy. Dude, i was nervous to go up and talk to him again bc he was around all his friends and i was now ALONE. If he had said no, the plan was for me to just uber home bc bestie had driven me there. But ANYWAY, i say hi, he says hes going tonhelp cleanup the dj and aound setup and i can meet up out in the lobby after im done shopping. And i was like OMG YAAAYY (on the inside, bc i really like him, he rizzed me tf up, hes cery goody and silly and fun to be around).

And we go to dennys after. Dennys was fun, hes a good chat. I hate when people kill conversations and he wasnt doing that. OK but then after Denny’s, he drives me home, and he made a joke of like oh you should try and sneak me in and I said OK for real. So I go inside my house and double check if my family is asleep, they weren’t so I go back to his car to say goodbye And as a joke, I said to him that he could come back in like two hours, basically at 2 AM, and he could sneak in then. And he said OK! He really said yeah OK I could do that! So he stayed in the area with some friends and then he came back at two fucking AM LMAO. And I did sneak him in . And rachel got some ACCCTIOOOON. Quietly bc my parnets were still asleep in their room. And he stayed the night until 7 am -oop 😅😳. I had sonmuch fun, hes so cute and hes a big cuddler. Bros got pretty ass eyes fr. I like, coulndt sleep tho bc i was scared i would sleep through my alarm and not sneak him back out in the morning hahah. Ok so this was all friday night, and i snuck him out saturday morning.

On SATURDAY! my friends invite me to go out to the bars at night and I do. And I was texting that guy, and told him that I would be kind of near his city, and he said that he might come and see me. So I told my friends that, I told him that I might dip towards the end of the night to go be with this guy. But the bar we ended up going to was kind of farther away and guess what? He still came to get me 💀. I was so excited and happy he was literally like 25 minutes away so he did he came and he got me and we drove around, got jack in the box, and we made out and he took me back to where my car was parked in my friends place, and I don't know what we said but we ended up deciding to get a motel, so we go to Motel 6 and Rachel has another rendezvous and she was happy as fuck. ANNNDDD in the morning too. Anyway hes good in bed prrrrrr 😅😂😂😂. It was actually so fun not having to be quiet. He has really nice lips. Ok so that was saturday night to sunday morning when we checked out of the hotel

ON SUNDAY, he went to work, but he works in my city and he texted me wanting to hang out after he got off work :))) 😇😇. He brought us food from the place he works at, and we had a little picnic at the park and walked around. Dude im so mad, hes super cute and i cant stop thinking abouuuttt himmmmm. Im just going through this weekend over in my head bc BROO STOOOPP. I really, i cant. I wont him 👁️ 👄 👁️. But, ive known him barely two weeks lol, so we’ll see. Im having a lot if fun tho :)

[megismorallysunny]

25/09/23

i might upload 2 today bc i have a lot, not from today just in general, so much so that i wrote it down. i had science first, turns out the school wanted every teacher for their first class to show their classes the new one way system because they felt it was clogged up. its really fucking stupid and we were supposed to follow it as soon as we left first class.. spoiler alert no one did, absolutely no one, i didnt see any teachers not following but no students are. I feel like using that system its only a matter of time before a 1st year gets hit by a car, your supposed to go outside to get to some classes that would have only been a few metres away now, and the way you go sometimes has cars on it, i seen one going pretty fast just a minute after class started.

i had irish after science and turns out that irish hw i was doing wasnt even the hw, and i had already done the hw a week ago, omg i just cant but it was a-ok. after that was maths, everyone was in for once so there wasnt enough seats for everyone, hopefully 4k4 and his other friend 5k5 dont steal my seat, i worked my ass off for that. a student who came 2 weeks ago, nickname -bluebird, is just annoying, its not that shes done anything wrong its that shes a complete loner, wont talk to anyone, not like ive tried but more in the sense, you wont hear even a squeak. in business she doesnt take down notes, in maths she doesnt do questions (not that i can say much) and in french she doesnt even know ça va and wont do her french hw. so yeah plain infuriating. i did my english hw wrong after i spent an hour carefully constructing only a third of my answer for an hour last night. my friends went to the shop but i didnt bc i wanted to stay in the cspe classroom and eat my lunch and maybe also read trollhunter fanfics, hard enough to find good ones involving a very cute and fluffy relationship between jim and walter. anyways we had to have a fake election in cspe, to try out ballot box voting, in first year for student council i tied with another girl for top votes. guess how many i got this time? yeah thats right a solid one, thinking about it makes me sad, does no one like me anymore??? but i laughed at the time even tho every1 looked back at me, it felt really dehumanising, the only way i deal with bad situations is by laughing and joking, and that situation made me feel a little shit.

made me also feel real great when aprciot turned back at me and said i put you 5, its like he constantly tries to talk to me and be my friend and when i ignore him he gets mad, its not great that i was standing beside granite today and apricot started pushing granite and while he did that his hand touched my tit. great. made me feel just great, it wasnt on purpose he wouldnt even try.. well he did say consent didnt matter today if it was me. he was obvi joking but considering he tried to sa someone before and this day a year ago, "mango" his friend and apples friend sent diorite a voice message saying apricot said he was gonna do a thing to her. idk im sorry i feel uncomfortable typing out the word rape. but yeah thats what he said apparently. doesnt make it better he could walk to her house and he knows where that is. but unfortunately it is what it is no matter how cruel it can be.

anyways, after cspe i fucking raced through the classroom to get to another because it had a door to the outside which was closer to the door to the other outside door to get to or religion classroom, we had a proper sound sub, she was rly nice and i thought she was a bitch because of her hairstyle but she really wasnt, AND I GOT MY FAVOURITE SEAT!!!! mission acomplished, my friend was happy bc i always run to get good seats and i actually did unlike last time where some people were unfortunately quicker.

idk if i mentioned this but i learned about shifting maybe early 2021 and it didnt really go anywhere, id tell you where i have planned out for me to go but it would be embarassing, i have one for the embarassing one and one for a library, filled with extensive knowledge and characters from shows i watch. anyways my body felt like it was floating last night, just like my first shifting attempt nearly 2 years ago now, i nearly did it but i chickened out, opened my eyes and couldnt ever do it again or get those symptoms. when i woke up at 4 in the morning i was half stuck in a dream, and was trying to do my tasks to meet my goal, i dont even remember what my tasks or goal was.

i skimmed the entirety of sex education, it was my first time watching it, it was pretty good, i really liked ruby she was definitely my favourite i also really loved roman but cmon ruby, she was so good also aimee. i redownloaded farmville2 so its time to relive my farmer life whoop whoop. ill do another blog post later. anyways goodbye have a good morning, good day and good night