#oh the inherent intimacy of seeing and being seen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gojos-thot-patrol · 10 months

Note

please can i get headcanons for gojo,geto and nanamis love languages please! thank youuuu

But of course you can Anon!! I read this request and instantly got ideas, so thank you for the ask <3 without further ado,

Now Presenting...

Starring: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, and a bonus Ryomen Sukuna ;)

The Touch Starved,

Satoru Gojo

PHYSICAL. TOUCH. Gojos love language is physical touch, no I’m actually not taking criticism at this time <3

“But Narrator! He always has his full body condom (infinity) on!” I hear you yell. And Yes, dear reader, that’s the point.

He’s spent so much of his life unable to let anyone get close. Touch is inherently an act of trust, and he doesn’t touch anyone.

So the first time you hug him, and he actually lets himself experience intimacy, he actually turns into a puddle and melts in your arms.

And that shit is basically coke, he’s had a taste and he can not get enough.

When you’re driving he’s touching your thigh, you’re going to sleep he’s cuddling you close, you’re taking a walk he’s holding your hand, watching a movie on the couch and his head is in your lap. You get the idea, if you’re around he’s touching you

If you really want to make his day, offer to play with his hair. There is a 40% chance he’ll tear up about it.

Honestly, I genuinely feel like he’d be a little bit annoying about it. Random hugs and kisses constantly happening, it would be hard to get anything done, I’m not gonna lie

He’s kinda like a cat! The moment you try to get any work done, he’s crawling into your lap and you gotta work around him.

Hold on, wait, where's my cat meme-

It’s Him.

I’m being serious, cup his face like that and watch him turn to putty.

Moral of the story: Gojo just wants to be held

Man is never defeating the Baby Girl allegations

The Sickeningly Sweet,

Suguru Geto

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, BABYEEEE

Suguru was born with a silver tongue in more ways than one and he knows how to use it.

“You’re breathtaking, you know that?” “How did I get so lucky to have someone as magnificent as you?” “My darling is so talented, what ever will I do when the world learns to appreciate you as much as I do?”

He’s going to single handedly raise your self esteem, watch him. He is going to pour honeyed words over you like a warm, safe shower

….Look, I’m not good with words, BUT HE IS! You get what I’m trying to say!

He would leave little notes for you to find around the house with sweet little messages. Just to give you a little dopamine rush, ya know?

He definitely sends you random texts throughout the day letting you know that he’s thinking about you and missing you.

God help you on any holiday that could possibly call for card giving. Valentine's Day, Christmas, your birthday, your anniversary, He’s going to write you a card, and it’s going to make you cry. It’s a personal goal of his.

Doing simple household chores has never felt more rewarding tbh.

Like, yea, you’re going to do the laundry anyway. But having him tell you how thankful he is for you and how much he appreciates it really makes getting through the task easier.

Would writing a song for someone count as acts of service or gift giving?...

Doesn’t matter, he writes songs for you, there I said it.

He’s 100000% The type of boyfriend that points out how attractive you are Every. Single. Time. He sees you in any state of undress. Prove me wrong, you can’t. Doesn’t matter if he’s seen it 101 times before, He’s going to call you hot.

Honestly he’s a major confidence booster.

Ngl, part of me thinks I’m giving him too much credit but oh well LMAO.

The Always Helpful,

Kento Nanami

Nanami is giving me Acts of Service tbh.

Like, he’s 1000% the “I will make you breakfast in bed” kind of husband material, and that is an act of service if I’ve ever heard it.

Honestly, He just wants to do anything he can to try and make your day a little bit easier.

If that means doing the dishes even if it’s technically your turn, then so be it!

Doors might as well not exist to you when you’re with him, he will open them all

“I noticed your water bottle was empty. I got you another one.” “I know you’ve been stressed lately, I made your favorite for dinner tonight.” “Here, let me get that for you.”

He was made to be a caretaker tbh.

You can read between the lines there as little or as much as you’d like

If he catches you doing a chore, he’s going to find a way to help, sorry I don’t make the rules.

You’re washing the dishes? He’s drying and putting them away. You started cleaning the living room? Perfect, he’ll clean the kitchen. Oh, you washed the laundry? Looks like he’s gonna fold it and put it away.

He wants you to feel like you’re in a partnership. I genuinely don’t think he buys into this traditional idea that one partner makes money and the other takes care of the home front. Homemaking is a team effort god damn it!

It goes both ways though. If you really want to make him feel loved, a warm home cooked meal is the way to this man's heart.

He’s going to make the next meal to show his appreciation though.

Someone put this man in a maid dress tbh.

I need me a Nanami tbh lol

The Ever-Present,

Ryomen Sukuna

OKAY sooo here’s the thing. It’s fuckin Ryomen my guy. Love languages almost require conscious acts of love, or to at least ya know admit you’re in love. In that sense, Ryomen doesn’t have a love language; he actively mocks the concept of “love languages” as humans refusing to accept the fact that their emotions are all just chemical reactions in their brain designed to make them want to fuck.

That being said, it's Quality Time.

Ryomen’s love is always quiet. It’s him sitting in the same room as you while you read, casually talking with you while you do chores, or insisting on being in the garden while you tend to it because “It’s my (his) garden, I’ll be here if I want! Don’t think I’m here for you.” He absolutely is there for you.

His biggest act of love is letting you sleep in his room with him. That's quality time by definition my guy.

He genuinely gets so jealous when you spend time with other people because that's how he defines love. It's the person you want to spend time with (Don’t ask him about it, he won’t admit it) so you spending time with other people means you love them. And he can not handle the idea of you loving anyone that’s not him.

Remember when I said Satoru was like a cat? I take it back, Sukuna is like a cat. He wants to be in the same room as you but the last thing he wants is to be perceived by you.

He just wants to watch you read your book and not be grilled as to why he insists on being with you all the time. He’s clearly just, uh…enjoying the fireplace! Duh! Foolish mortal, why would he vie for your affections?...so, uh..whatcha reading?

He will never admit it, but his favorite thing in the world is to sit in the garden with you, listening to you talk about flowers while he pretends not to care.

This is followed closely by holding your close to him at night, whispering words of affirmation to you you will never hear when awake.

I think that spending quality time with you is the only way Sukuna knows how to show love. I think he often gets overwhelmed by physical affection. He’s not used to it, and he didn’t immediately take to it the way Gojo did. Words of affirmation are out because he’s not a wordsmith unless he’s making threats. Can’t do acts of service because his ego would never let him do a favor for anyone else, and he can’t find any gifts that feel worthy of you- none of them feel right. So, Quality time it is.

Words may fail him, but he’s aware of how he feels. And the soft intimacy of listening to your favorite music with you, watching you hum along and dance makes him feel so viscerally raw, that it’s almost enough to make him admit there maybe more to love than just chemicals making you want to fuck.

Should I just write a fic at this point? Maybe because GOD I am a fucking sucker for soft Sukuna. Yes I am aware I am part of the problem, I do not care, give me 2 weeks. I can fix him!

Just imagine stargazing with Sukuna for a second. Imagine listening to the crickets chirp off in the distance, both of you are aware that it goes against everything he’s ever said for him to be out here with you, and both of you know better than to acknowledge that fact. You know you’re not supposed to love him because he claims he will never love you, but as your hand meets his, and you watch him tense for just a second before relaxing under your touch again, you both know it’s only a matter of time now.

I always get carried away on Ryomens section in these.

I just really love my weird little demon dude lmao.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #satoru gojo #nanami kento #sukuna x reader #gojo x reader #nanami x reader #suguru geto #geto x reader #suguru x reader #jjk headcannons #gojo headcannons #nanami headcanons #geto headcanons #sukuna headcanons #Anon asks

875 notes · View notes

veronicaphoenix · 21 days

Text

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: swearing, talks about physical abuse, physical fight, implied depression, alcohol intake. | Word count: 3.1k | Cross posted on AO3 | Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised.

“You’re no better than me, Noah!” “I don’t give a shit. You touch her, you answer to me!”

Author's note: I'm so so sorry for taking ages to update this fic. I'm back to working on it now, and I plan on completing the missing chapters for this part during this month ^^ This is the baby of my fics and the first one I wrote with Noah, so it's very special and personal, and I can't wait to fully dive into it again and continue the story from Zutto. Thank you to each of you that are still following and keep supporting this story, it means a lot to me 🤍 (I don't even know if I had a taglist for part 2, but if you want to be tagged, please just let me know and I'll create a taglist for the upcoming missing chapters ^^).

“Oh, crap,” I heard Lia mutter from the kitchen.

I made my way from the studio and leaned out through the doorframe into the open kitchen. Lia stood by the island, still in her pajamas, her arms raised at shoulder level as she surveyed the scene before her. The scent of that morning’s breakfast still lingered in the air as she cautiously stepped back from the puddle of liquid on the floor.

“What happened?” I asked.

She turned to face me, revealing a knocked-over bottle of juice and a sizable mess on the floor. Her clothes were stained, clinging to her skin.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, taking a few more cautious steps away from the messed-up area before reaching the kitchen rag beside the sink.

I approached her, careful not to tread on the spilled juice, and took the rag from her hands.

“It’s alright. I’ll handle it. You go get changed.”

Lia looked at me with a touch of helplessness, her shoulders slumping.

Five minutes later, her voice called out my name from the bedroom. I found her locked in the bathroom, the scent of her toiletries and perfume wafting out. When I entered the bedroom, she peered out from the bathroom door.

“What is it now?” I asked.

“I need something to wear,” she said. “These pajamas need to get washed. Can I borrow one of your…?”

Before she could finish, I had already nodded and made my way to the drawer. I pulled out the first t-shirt I found and handed it to her through the open bathroom door. She thanked me with a small smile before closing the door.

When she appeared in the hallway a few minutes later, with her hair gathered in a messy bun with two stray locks escaping from it and wearing white socks and my oversized t-shirt that fell down to her knees, I couldn’t resist eyeing her up and down. I couldn’t stop myself that time, and I could not stop myself later, when she’d reach for a cereal box placed too high in the kitchen cabinets and the hem of the t-shirt would ride up, revealing another slice of her thighs, nor when she’d walk and the fabric swayed, teasingly revealing more. The sight was too tempting.

I’d seen her in less clothing before, at the pool, at the beach. Hell, she’d even changed outfits in front of me once clad only in her underwear. Yet, there was something different about seeing her in my clothes. I knew the details—her hidden nipple piercing, the scar on her waist. Yes, she had also worn my t-shirt many other times, even when we lived together in the past. But this time it felt singular. With us being home alone (Jolly off at a friend’s house), there was an inherent intimacy in having Lia here like this. She was my responsibility. I had to look after her. And I couldn’t help but think that this was what I had been doing all my life and what I wanted to keep doing.

“I’m a mess,” she muttered, looking defeated.

“You’re not,” I reassured her with a half-smile, wiping my hands on the rag.

With a sigh and a rub of her hand across her forehead, she hesitated a moment before speaking.

“Do you think you could take me to Mitch’s house?”

The question caught me off guard, making me look down at her with a frown between my brows.

“To retrieve the rest of my things”, she clarified. “I want to get it done. He should be at work now, and I still have a spare key.”

“I’ll go,” I offered.

“No,” she insisted firmly, shaking her head. “I’m not letting you go alone.”

“You said he’s at work.”

“He should be, but I don’t want to take chances.”

“And I don’t want to take chances with you,” I asserted, trying to make her see my concern. Her features softened at my words.

“I’m not taking chances with you, either” she replied, giving me that determined girl’s look that said that she wouldn’t change her mind, no matter how hard I might try.

This time, I was the one who sighed. I nodded and told her to get ready; we would leave in the next twenty minutes.

If Lia had seemed confident and determined when suggesting that we go to Mitch's house to pick up her things, that attitude faded and her confidence waned as we neared the residential area. I noticed her shrinking back in her seat, fingers fidgeting in her lap.

While I wouldn’t have minded going alone and spare her the discomfort, I also didn’t want to overstep boundaries with her. Plus, after a little bit of thought, perhaps this final visit could help her find closure, putting an end to that chapter of her life…

Mitch was a fucking bastard, and I didn't think my desire to beat him up would lessen any time soon. At least it was satisfying to arrive at his block and find his trashed car. The boys had done a pretty good job. Lia, however, said nothing, her eyes fixed on the vehicle, her mouth slightly agape.

After a few moments, she blinked and shook her head, stepping out of my car and gesturing for me to follow.

We stood in front of Mitch’s apartment door. Lia attempted to insert the key into the lock, but her hands were trembling. I took hold of her wrist, relieving her of the keys to open the door myself. Before entering, I squeezed her shoulder and reminded her that if she felt overwhelmed at any point, she could wait in the car, or we could leave immediately.

I felt a swell of pride witnessing how Lia composed herself, focusing on the task at hand.

The house appeared even worse than when I had pulled Lia out from that toxic environment. Dirty dishes were piling up high in the sink, empty beer bottles were strewn about, cupboards were left open, and dirty laundry was scattered around. The apartment exuded a musty odor, and my heart ached at the thought of Lia having spent so many days under such conditions.

Lia had brought a couple of suitcases with her, and I had retrieved and folded two empty cardboard boxes I had found in the garage from the last merchandising order. We filled them with what was left of her clothes. Lia didn’t say, but I sensed that she had been afraid she would find that Mitch had burned her clothes or done something like that. Luckily, Lia’s clothes that had been left there were still in place. She gathered up her things and even a couple of mugs that belonged to her that she found at the bottom of one of the cupboards in the kitchen.

I excused myself briefly to take the heavy boxes to the car.

When I returned, I was greeted by the sound of cups shattering. I rushed to the kitchen to find Lia smashing everything in sight, her face contorted in anger.

“Hey, hey. That’s enough,” I intervened, first attempting to quell her destructive frenzy by restraining her hands, then encircling her waist to guide her away from the chaos she made of the kitchen. Tears welled in her eyes as I managed to pause her rampage, standing together amidst the wreckage. “Lia, enough. Let’s go. There’s no need to cause any more damage. The apartment is already a mess,” I urged, my voice firm yet gentle. “You won’t get anything from doing this.”

“I don’t care. I want to wreck his life like he wrecked mine,” she retorted with a fierce tone.

“Lia,” I gently cupped her chin, waiting until her tear-filled gaze met mine. “He’s lost you. He can’t get any more miserable than that. His life is already in shambles.”

A few sobs threatened to escape her. She reminded me of a small child in need of a hug and safety, things that her own mother had neglected her from.

“Why do you always have the right things to say?” she whispered, her voice strained with emotion.

I shrugged, offering a faint smile. “Maybe it’s some sort of autopilot mode that kicks in when I see my best friend hurting.”

With that, she let her head fall against my chest. After a few moments, her breathing steadied, and she released her grip on my hoodie, stepping back.

“I'll check if there’s anything left in the bathroom. Then, we can go,” she declared, sniffing and wiping her face with her hands.

I nodded, watching her retreat before turning my attention to the task of loading the suitcases into the trunk of my car, leaving the door of the house ajar behind me. As I arranged the boxes and bags like pieces of a puzzle, the morning sunlight bathed the quiet street, where a few cars passed by and pedestrians enjoyed leisurely walks, unaware of the what we were going through.

I decided to tidy up the car’s interior while I waited for her, clearing dust off the seats and ensuring there was no overlooked clutter. Lost in my task, I didn’t expect the sudden piercing scream that echoed from inside the apartment, followed by Lia screaming my name. Within a second, I bolted back inside.

Lia was trapped at the far end of the hallway, overshadowed by a figure much larger than herself, leaving her with nowhere to go.

Even before his voice reached my ears, I knew it was him. I’d recognize that bastard anywhere now. My muscles tensed at the sight.

“You thought I wouldn’t catch you sneaking back in?” he was saying to Lia. “Lucky for you, I decided to take a few days off because my damn car is fucking trashed! I step out for twenty mintues to grab some beer, and look who waltzes back into the house!” Mitch’s voice filled the hallway with venom.

“Get away from her, now,” I grunted through gritted teeth.

Mitch turned to face me, his expression showing no surprise, but his eyes widened as Lia took the opportunity to slip past him towards me. Mitch made a clumsy grab for her, but I was faster and swiftly moved to shield Lia behind me.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Prince Charming,” Mitch sneered, his face contorted with malice. “Not surprised to see you here, considering you couldn’t leave the bitch’s mind for a second during our entire relationship.”

“Watch your mouth, I warn you,” I replied, my finger pointing towards him. “God knows I’m dying to break your face for what you did to her.”

“Yeah. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she deserved what she got?”

“Don’t you even dare,” I muttered, raising a finger. My breathing was becoming ragged, and Lia’s hand clutching at the back of my hoodie wasn’t helping. She was nearly pressed against me, and I could feel her own heartbeat against my back.

“What? You really didn’t?” Mitch questioned, raising his chin. “Of course everything she got, she got it because of you! Because you were always somewhere in that little head of hers! Wasn’t he, Lia? I’m sure you even thought of him while I fucked y—!”

I charged towards him, a surge of raw emotion flooding my senses, an amalgamation of anger, fear, and protectiveness that suddenly threatened to consume me. Lia’s tear-streaked face loomed large in my mind, her pain igniting a fire within me, driving me forward with a fervor I had never known. When I launched myself at Mitch, I did so by grabbing his shirt. propelling us forcefully towards the wall.

“You son of a bitch,” he shouted.

“You’re a despicable piece of trash,” I spat back.

“You’re no better than me, Noah!”

“I don’t give a shit. You touch her, you answer to me!”

And it was about time that he fucking answered.

The words dripped with a venomous promise as I launched myself at him again. Every fiber of my being screamed with the need to protect Lia and to give this piece of shit what he deserved. Mitch’s fist collided with my face, splitting my lip and sending a jolt of pain searing through my body. But in that moment, the pain took a backseat to an overwhelming need to unleash all my pent-up rage. I hit him back. The surge of ferocity was foreign to me, but I had no intention to contain it.

“She’s nothing more than a fragile little thing, always needing her dear best friend Noah. But you couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else having her, either. Could you, Noah?!” Mitch’s loud voice reverberated with malice.

“Shut up!” I shouted back.

“No! I want to know. Have you fucked her yet?!”

With a primal roar, I lunged at Mitch, my fists flying in a flurry of punches aimed at his face. The force of our collision sent us crashing to the ground, the impact jarring my already split lip, while Mitch’s bruises and cuts began to ooze blood.

Every blow I landed carried the weight of months of pent-up frustration and fear, fueled by the knowledge that Mitch had been terrorizing Lia for far too long and that he didn’t seem to stop. His abuse had not only left Lia bruised and broken; it had shattered her spirit.

But it was Lia’s own rage that fueled and ended the fight. With every blow exchanged, I could sense her anger boiling over as she screamed at Mitch to stop hitting me while we rolled on the floor. With one last scream, Lia launched herself at Mitch, driving her foot into his chest and then delivering a forceful kick to his side, causing him to clutch his stomach. When he stood up and staggered backwards into the hallway, expecting Lia to retreat, she advanced with determined steps, and with a swift strike to his knee, she brought him crashing to the ground again.

“Don’t you ever touch Noah again,” she seethed.

Mitch lay sprawled on the floor, bloodied, and defeated. She spit on the floor next to him, cementing her resolve to end that right there right then.

“You’re doomed, Lia. Hate me all you want,” he said, checking his nose with a hand and checking the blood dripping from one of the nostrils.

“I don’t hate you,” Lia stated. “You don’t even deserve that from me.”

“Whatever. You’ll be miserable for the rest of your life,” he said, clutching his stomach as blood dripped from his face onto his t-shirt. His left eyebrow began to swell. My knuckles hurt from the hitting, but fuck him. “Now, get out of my fucking house!”

Lia threw the house key at him before returning to my side, seeking reassurance in my eyes. She wrapped an arm around my waist and together we made our way toward the door, stepping out into the sunlight, holding onto each other.

Back home, the adrenaline of the fight still pulsed through my veins as if refusing to let go. Lia moved with a sense of urgency, her movements almost automatic as she hurried to gather a first aid kit from the bathroom and tend to the split on my lip. I watched her, feeling a mixture of gratitude and frustration swirling within me. Gratitude because she was fine; she wasn’t hurt. Frustration because I still couldn’t erase the past, no matter how hard I had hit Mitch.

His words still echoed in my head, accusing every bruise on Lia’s skin as my fault. Maybe he was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have demanded her company so insistently or failed to accept her relationship to another man like the fucking I adult I was.

But I didn’t.

And now I had a split lip and a best friend grappling with the aftermath of an abusive relationship.

For a moment, rage threatened to boil over, and when Lia insisted on cleaning the wound for the third time after my dismissals, I snapped sharply at her. My voice came out as a harsh scream, causing her to flinch. Instantly regretting my outburst, I reached out to her.

“I’m sorry…” I sighed. “I’m just… I should’ve done more.”

“No,” she cut me off. “You shouldn’t have.”

“Yes, I should’ve—!”

“None of it was your fault. It doesn’t matter what he said.”

We locked eyes and stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t even have to say it; Lia knew exactly what had been on my mind.

As I reached for her hand, gently stroking the back of it with my thumb, I asked her if she was hurt. She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt.

Sitting on the sofa, I lifted my head towards her, silently offering myself to her care.

Lia raised my head with her fingers, and with her other hand, she clutched a piece of cotton damped with alcohol. Regardless of the stinging sensation, Lia’s touch was tender and delicate when she disinfected the cut. Despite the violence that had erupted just a while ago, she was able to be so sweet to me. As she cleaned the wound, silent tears began to fall from her eyes, and my heart ached at the sight of her pain materializing.

I reached out to pull her into a hug, but Lia pulled away, refusing my comfort. Instead, she headed straight to the kitchen, discarding the blood-stained cotton in the bin and then opening the fridge, from where she retrieved a beer with trembling hands. I watched her, my heart heavy with concern, as she took a long swig from the can.

“Lia,” I called out, but she didn’t respond. “Lia,” I pressed. “Come here, please.”

Reluctantly, she came back and took a seat next to me, can still in her hands. I didn’t take it from her, but I made my disapproval clear.

“You know that’s not the solution.”

“I’m aware,” she replied, pretending to show that she didn’t care.

“Have you thought about what we talked? Going back to therapy? You haven’t called her, your therapist, have you?”

“Not yet,” she admitted with defeat, her head low, her eyes away from me.

“Why don’t you give it a try? You can always stop it if it doesn’t help or if you don’t feel comfortable. You can always talk to me, but I’m afraid I won’t be enough.”

At those words, she lifted her head to meet my gaze, her eyes telling me that I was wrong about myself. But successfully, she agreed to give therapy a chance and call for an appointment.

She lay her head on my shoulder.

I sighed softly, knowing that healing would take time, that the scars left behind by Mitch’s abuse ran deep. But in that moment, all I could do was hold Lia close, offering her the safety provided by my company.

#noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens cult #bad omens fic #bad omens fanfic #noah sebastian x ofc #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfic #the inevitability of love at second sight

17 notes · View notes

wondero28 · 10 months

Note

Hey wonder, I hope you’re doing well :> Idk if you still continue the 4town Fboy series but my friends and I are still wild over it. It’s truly An amazing series!!

I was wondering what’s something the person the boys are interested in could do to make them fold or show genuine interest in them?

I’ve risen from the dead I suppose!

Im still around. Still invested in 4town. Still think about them daily lol

But truthfully i’ve moved on from the fboy 4town thing, it was originally just a bad joke that i kept writing for cause it kept getting traction & i liked the attention. i was having fun with it at the time, but now its just kinda goofy & feels a little awkward. I made them too sympathetic originally lol, but this is the first writing request ive had in such a long time. I really don’t mind doing it.

Just know this is the last time ill probably ever write for fboy town, it’ll be kept short too^^ Maybe ill go back & revisit those designs i made for them & repurpose it, maybe not!

Oh also, the genuine answer for this is that most of them WOULDNT get genuinely invested. Because they’re all emotionally fucked over guys who need therapy lol. But these headcanons humor the idea that they’d genuinely change

You’re free to write your own fboy shenanigans based off what I originally did too. I dont mind. You don’t need to credit either, i think id just like to leave these guys behind after this /lh

Either way, its nice to see someone here again 💜

——

What the fboys are attracted to + what might make them fall

—

Robaire

- genuinely? he’s attracted to independence

- Like its a little silly & a little cliche but Robaire is kind of only genuinely invested in people who give 0 shits about him. He’s not used to someone not caring about his status, money, or power. But when a person is independent & confident in themself, when they mind their own business and simply dont fucking perceive him as some sort of idol- he thinks its hot

- It drives him crazy though. He likes the worship and praise. Even if his friends are faux and he knows it, he likes feeling wanted and desired. And when someone doesn’t inherently just want him, he wants them even more

- So even if you DO want him, the best way to genuinely win him over is to treat him like a normal person. He doesn’t realize he wants to be treated like a peer or be seen as just a person & not an asset- but he does. He’ll be unbearable & act cocky while he interacts with you, but the more you treat him like just a normal person? The more of a person he actually starts to become 💀

- Any specific actions that would affect him are probably just like… engaging with him on your own terms or showing interest in what he ACTUALLY likes to do.

- A lot of people dont actually know what Robaires interests are so he’s really unengaged socially in that regard. He’s a closet geek though, get him talking about his interests or show investment in his interests like a genuine friend & youll start to win him over in a genuine way

————

Jesse

- Jesse doesn’t show much tenderness, but he’s very attracted to it

- He’s got a habit of breaking hearts & having multiple people wrapped around his finger at once. Because Jesse’s kind of genuinely incapable of being tender in a way thats meaningful with someone (aside from his kids & the guys), he’s really lacking in any true emotional intimacy

- He’s very VERY alone in that sense.

- His heart’s been broken in a very honest and true way so he’s kind of given up on finding that intimacy too. Its sad & sucks lol. But because of that struggle he has a much more genuine attraction to tenderness

- To win him over with tenderness, showing politeness or interest without expecting romance or sex wins him over, denying either from him makes him go wild. Jesse’s generally wanted because he’s attractive & suave, but if someone sees him as a person outside of that then he’s really into it. Honest to the gods he just wants a friend. He’ll never admit that though

- But for another genuine romance? He needs you to be a friend. A tender & patient one.

- Specific actions to win him over are small and easy, show interest in his day. Show interest in what his classes have been like or offer him a space to speak. He’ll try so hard to flip it around into a flirting game but eventually he’ll break & just start to like,, interact with you in more meaningful ways

————

Tae Young

- Tae Young both likes & needs someone with a dominant personality & passion for themself/their interests

- Short and simply put: Tae Young gets bored of people easy 💀. He needs someone who 1. Can keep him on his toes and 2. Challenge his personal sense of authority. A dominant & passionate person is PERFECT for that. Having someone who can spontaneously do something on their own & then proudly show it off is just what Tae needs in his life

- He thinks spontaneity is attractive and he loves a dominant personality to try and stand up against. A friendly sense of competition with someone, someone he can perceive as a peer or “on his level” is someone he’s wildly attracted to. And trust me, he WILL try to challenge your dominance and authority if you’re that kind of person. So dont step down, snap back at him! He loves it, it keeps him excited

- The harsh truth is that Tae simply isn’t genuinely engaged with most interactions he has because he has such a hard time connecting with people in a meaningful way. He likes being popular cause it keeps things constantly moving in his life & gives him opportunities to find brief engagement

- So just,, he needs someone who can do that. He’ll become genuinely attached to them, and then eventually find everything they do interesting

- Specific actions can be simply engaging with Tae & telling HIM about YOUR activities. If you get excited and energetic enough about it, he’ll match that energy & find interest in it. He’ll likely tell you about his own misadventures and if you can engage with him on that then you’ll have him hooked on you

————

Aaron T

- Aaron T needs someone to calm him the fuck down. He doesnt want it per say, but he NEEDS it

- Aaron T is, for lack of better words, a bit too much. He’s got all the friends, all the ego, and all the charisma to combine and make the dumbest but most charming motherfucker you’ll ever meet. He’s not stupid, just dumb. And he does dumb shit for the sake of fun & enjoyment. He needs someone who can keep up with him & either catch him when he falls or stop him from doing the dumb thing to begin with

- Being that kind of person isn’t easy, keeping up with T & being close enough to him to read him is hard. But when you’re close enough to do that? Well gosh, you probably already have him hooked

- T wont ever admit it, but he so so badly wants someone to care about him enough to tell him no. Its weird, because he hates it and Will usually just do what he wants, but theres a certain comfort he finds in knowing someone wants him safe and sound

- And the longer someone can keep up with him the more T will start to wind down & relax. He’s still dumb & stubborn as all hell, but he’ll listen to whoever cares enough to try and watch out for him where most others dont.

- Specific actions that may really win him over are being there to patch him up after a stupid stunt or literally blocking his way to keep him from going somewhere. He’ll be pissy in the moment, but hours later he’ll be so much more tender in private if given the opportunity

————

Aaron Z

- honest to god this man is easy & the least problematic. But Z both wants & needs someone who’s patient & understanding

- He’s simply not someone who believes in settling down anymore + he’s in a part of his life where a lot is changing and evolving. He wants someone to rely on, but he NEEDS room to grow and have spontaneity. He cant do commitment right now and when things start to feel too tense he flees from the relationship (romantic or not, he’s even flighty with his friends sometimes)

- So Z really flourishes with someone who can be there for him without “tying him down”. He wants freedom and he’s very attracted to people who offer the attention he wants from relationships while also being patient enough to let him explore. He needs someone who wont nag him about expressing his genuine feelings because honestly they aren’t always pretty but he’s not going to move forward without getting to express them.

- So to really win him over, someone needs to be able to listen to him even when he’s not verbally speaking. He needs his freedom but he needs a stable person to return to at the end of the day (starting as friends or not, its not easy to fill this role)

- Specific actions to win him over arent easy. But quality time based on things HE may want to do (but be too shy to always directly request) is good. Or just offering him quality time to unwind & relax with may help

- He starts to open up more and more as time goes on. He’ll become more emotionally available the safer he feels with someone who offers him room to grow without judgement

#fboy town strikes again #anyway ig i do writing requests again #wooh! so much fun

33 notes · View notes

entomolog-t · 11 months

Note

Oh, ooh, here's a fun one!

I love when giants and tinies are fascinated with each other. Either direction. Both the "wow you're so tiny" and the "wow you're so big". The desire to touch, to examine the difference in scale. A tiny running their fingers along the whorl of a fingerprint, or gazing wonderingly at the details of their giant's iris. A giant delicately feeling their tiny's limbs, the sensation of tiny bones and muscles, a minuscule heartbeat. A small hand spread over the tip of a finger, both parties just looking, amazed.

When the tiny moves, and the giant can't help but watch, fascinated by the sight of human movement in miniature. When the giant moves and the tiny can't help but watch, entranced by the sheer enormity of them, how effortlessly they lift a weight the tiny has no hope to budge, how quickly they can cross a distance the tiny cannot imagine traveling. How visible even unconscious movements are, a twitch of their fingers, the thud of their pulse. Even their breathing; if the tiny sits on their chest, it rises and falls, seemingly effortlessly, lifting them up and down.

Back and ready to evaluate some tropes!

Fascination is such a great trope. It explores human curiosity so well. The borderline impulsive desire to learn and explore new things, the awe that comes with the new and unusual...

Fascination has multiple interpretations. On the surface it love of novelty, and excitement towards to unknown. These characteristics may represents a dopamine seeking behavior. As per a previous session's discussion, the new and unusual ramps up dopamine in the brain. In a more metaphorical sense, fascination can act as a stand in for a yearning for attention/attraction (or both). Having someone so captivated by our very being is an intimate and powerful experience, as is being the one captivated by another.

This could suggest you have a longing for attention, specifically a more awe-oriented attention from others. This may suggest romantic longing, but doesn't have to. It is more so dependent on what the Giant/Tiny is in awe of in the fantasy.

For the Giant

Is it their sheer size? Their power? Some aspects of their physical self?

The two examples mentioned in this ask were a tiny running their fingers along the whorl of a fingerprint, and a tiny gazing wonderingly at the details of their giant's iris.

In the first example one may interpret that interaction as a a subtle from of intimate touch. We associate fingerprints with our unique self, and hand holding as intimacy, so the combination of these two symbols seems to be showing interaction with an intimate part of our personal being; longing that just being would inspire awe in another.

The second example mirrors the themes of the first. One's eyes are very unique to oneself, and express much of our emotion. Looking into the eyes of another, especially prolonged, is very intimate. Depending on whether you view yourself as the Giant or tiny this could imply a longing for either receiving or giving intimacy. Analyzing your counter-archetype's personality traits in this fantasy may be able to show you what you look for in someone you look for intimacy with (not inherently romantic, but very well could be).

For the tiny

Is it the way the tiny makes them feel powerful? Is it the strangeness of seeing something so familiar at such a shocking size?

In your cited examples we see a giant delicately feeling their tiny's limbs and its that comparison aspect that seems to be fascinating. A good follow up question is why?? Is it how it makes them feel? What feeling is that? The other example of a small hand spread over the tip of a finger seems to harken to both a comparison aspect, but also the mirrored intimate touch as seen in the examples with the tiny.

As per typical in G/t interactions we also see the power dynamic emphasized and explored. This is especially noticeable in the way that you compare how they see one another in motion; the tiny especially aware of the giant's potential power. The perspective of the tiny is also quite intimate, with actions being magnified and scrutinized. Even minute and normal details like breathing continue to emphasize the power imbalance. All these details reinforce the power of the giant, and how miniscule the tiny is by comparison.

It would be crucial to explore the emotions that would arise from the noticing of that dynamic; scared, upset, excited, frustrated etc... The emotions of the tiny may represent how we reaction in the face of being powerless.

------

Thank you for coming to your appointment, my secretary has some paperwork for you to fill out on your way out.

#g/t #giant/tiny #g/t community #g/t prompts #g/t tropes #G/t trope psychology

29 notes · View notes

moss-and-marimos · 8 months

Note

you could literally start talking abt the grossest shit in my tags and I'd start clapping honestly pls do ramble

people who dont want to see talk of the intimacy and eroticism of horror and gore dont click read more vbjdhfdfvj

ougugghghhghghg goes wild its the intimacy and inherent eroticism of gore, sorry if this is a bit incoherent im tired but maybe I will dump more in your ask box another time bvjhdfd, for me its a sort of like fucked up thing between trusting the person to put you back together afterwards and wanting to be understood in a way nobody can without literally taking you apart, I guess kinda similar in a way to like wanting people to know about your trauma in a self destructive way, thats what a lot of it is to me that makes it interesting is the art of self destructive clearly unhealthy codependency dynamic between consumer and consumee, test subject and scientist, im not gonna put my own year old poem here bc it needs some revisions vbjdfd but to summarize it talks about being loved through the restraints binding you, and being seen as what you truly are, some mass of meat, and them taking you apart and loving you anyway. they will see you laid bare, more vulnerable than you have ever been, and they will make the choice that you deserve to stay, or in the case of cannibalism that they want you to be their nourishment. That in trusting you to take them apart, you are trusting them to sustain you. its really fucked and interesting to me. The idea that consumption or vivisection or similar are some warped sort of love, the same sort of way that people will abuse others and say theyre doing it because they love you, is very interesting to me. obviously its bad but its the only comparison I can draw here and its an interesting thing to explore in fiction. its a type of love that is obsessive and destructive and painful and violent and thats why its so interesting. And again referring to that poem I wrote last year "and you wish you could be a better test subject. and with the blood on their hands and a smile on your face you thank them. after all your life is in their hands." and "theyve been inside you more times than you can count, and something about that is so appealing. to be taken apart. to be examined. to be understood. oh how invasive. you long for it" and the fucked up eroticism of instead of having like idk bite marks or hickeys or whatever shit on you you're covered in scars from their invasiveness and tests, showing just how much you belong to them and just how well they know to put you back together. After cutting away everything vulnerable, after getting to just the bones (and maybe even cutting away those too), after seeing the abomination you are, they put you back together anyway, again and again. In both a metaphorical sense of like exploring trauma and trusting the other person with that and in a fictional but more literal sense, it is quite literally exploring the other person, and its incredibly intimate, and requires so so much trust.

#tw vivisection #tw gore #long post #tw sa implied #?#uh not to get too personal #but for me thats another aspect I sometimes like to think about of it #because trauma #like I cant word it well right now too tired #but this other person is probing around and inside you and its intimate #and maybe thats not always the best thing #and uhhhh yeah #tw abuse mention #im so sorry if I forgot any trigger tags please let me know if I did #I hope this doesnt become the thing im known for on Tumblr vbjdfhbd nobody reblog this /j #tw cannibalism #almost forgot that one o(-(#this feels like a good time to point at my pinned post bvjdhbfdjhdfj #sorry I say weird shit sometimes im just so happy to be alive #I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE HUNGER AS A HORROR OR INTIMACY THING NOOOO #ITS OBVIOUSLY TIED INTO THE CANNIBALISM STUFF #BUT I GUESS ILL HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT ANOTHER TIME #I LOOOOOVE HUNGER AS A STORY MECHANIC #and also like the desire for bad things to happen to you so you have an excuse to like feel bad and stuff #and just like yeah trauma stuff #its a weird kind of self loathing wanting to relive your trauma because it feels good in a bad way #idk #feels bad in a good way ?#shrugs #you probably know what I mean

9 notes · View notes

trangenderstan · 2 years

Text

My Stanley headcanons because im like that (featuring some others but they're all Stanley-centric)

He likes metal/hard rock music. Idk something about his whole attitude to hippie music and the "Youth these days" has so much "Ugh modern rock is nothing like old rock" vibes

Going back to the previous one, i totally see him listening to SOAD. Especially Chop Suey, Prison Song and Sugar

Basically canon, but he has severe depression. Definitely suicide attempts. Maybe getting institutionalized if Dipper and Mabel's guide is any indication

It also persists his whole life. Even on the Stan O' War with Ford. He's not very educated on the whole mental health biz so he definitely leaves the meds on land thinking "Oh well i got what i wanted now". When Ford finds out he's turning that boat around in a heartbeat

His bond with Dipper is almost just as strong as with Mabel. Dipper is just very insecure about being coddled and seen as "inferior". So Stanley opts to be cold and harsh with him to try and make Dipper feel independent and grown-up

Also i feel like Stanley sees a bit of himself in Dipper. Ready to sacrifice everything for his dumb sibling, having this inherent feeling of inferiority and has a hard time trusting people

I feel like he was involved in some drug-dealing business

A common one, but he kept in touch with their mother from time to time. That's how he got Ford's number

Continuing with the previous, but Stanley had a very meaningful bond with Caryn. Maybe she was one of the only people who genuinely saw good in him. Assuming she passes away while he's still posing as Ford he definitely attends her funeral. Just to say thank you and apologize. Apologize for making her suffer so much because of his, he thinks, selfish actions

Soos knows much more than he lets on. Stan told him about as much of his life as he could, or Soos found out himself. Soos is just too loyal to tell anyone, even when he sees that Stanley keeping secrets is backfiring horrendously

In turn, Stanley knows way too much about Soos. He rarely shows it, but when he does, it's "accidentally" shoplifting his favorite candy or "i had this old thing lying around" and it's the newest copy of a videogame Soos wanted badly. Soos never comments on it

I don't think he's a father figure to Wendy. More of a friend, really. The mature one in a friend group who loves to cause mischief but knows when to stop before anyone hurts themselves. Wendy can tell him things she'd never tell her real dad or family

If we're talking canon, then i hc him as aroace. But unlike Ford, he's the kind that desperately wants to feel romantic attraction, have a lifelong partner, get married, maybe even kids. He just never could, not even because of the circumstance, but because of his own brain chemistry. He accepts that part of himself when he and Ford set sail though. Who needs romance when you have your favorite person in the world right by your side?

He always had an interest in science/space. It just got suppressed by other people constantly telling him that he shouldn't like this thing, it's for smart people and not him. He also never really understood the hyper-academic wording in textbooks. But rebuilding the portal kind of reignited that spark. And now he gets into arguments with Ford over which solar system planet is superior and why

He also sometimes corrects Ford's mistakes. Think that Adventure Time moment where Finn is able to solve a problem because Bubblegum got too caught up in her genius

He's very touch-starved. And also loves physical intimacy, no matter how much he denies it. That's why he and Ford are often clinging to each other for absolutely no reason. Simple touches like hair ruffles and hands on shoulders and silent comfort that the other is here. I love these guys.

He has memory lapses. They're never going away but they do get easier to handle. But the fear of "What if this is the last time" never fades. That's why he keeps a personal diary addressed to himself. In case he never remembers again

Similarly, he goes through a bit of an identity crisis when he's erased. He's not the type to delve too deep into philosophical and pointless questions and yet something keeps telling him "Is he really Stanley if he can't remember his own name half the time"

I'm very passionate abt my autism headcanons... There's gonna be some Ford in these because you can't say "Autism headcanons in Gravity Falls" and not say "Stanford Pines"

He's autistic and has a special interest in boating. I hc him to definitely know how to build a whole vessel from scratch, remember the names of very specific things and constantly corrects Ford when he calls the galley a kitchen. When Ford complains he just cackles and says "This is how i felt growing up with you, suck it up for once"

Also boxing

Stan and Ford don't even talk to each other half the time on the Stan O' War. They will sit on the dock and stare into the distance like "Did you know that while hotter stars usually have bluish colors, blue flame on earth isn't nessesarily hotter than regular one?" "A ship and a boat's difference lies solely in their weight. A boat is a vessel that weighs under 500 tones and a ship weighs more than that obviously" and neither register what the other have said

Stanley is very invested in social behavior. Ford on the other hand is the complete opposite. This leads to Stanley reading other people better than any neurotypical does and Ford to have no social perception skills whatsoever

Stan never gets a diagnosis. I feel like Ford does. Eventually. Or in his 20s. Ford never talks to Stan about how they're literally two sides of the same coin. He just lets him feel safe and figure everything out on his own terms. Stan knows but never mentions it either

They also find unique ways to deal with their mutual issues. Offering a cup of coffee as a way of saying "I'm sorry", a lighthearted punch to the shoulder as a way of saying "It's ok, i forgive you". Neither are good with communicating, and especially hearing the other out but who cares. They're both old and mentally ill and neurodivergent

#suicide tw #i know my hcs are really mild #but they mean. so much to me #i'm a big canon appreciator so i try to stay within the appropriate setting #i swear if no one reads this i will cry #maybe a pt 2 later if i remember more #stanley pines #stan pines #headcanons

20 notes · View notes

jemmo · 2 years

Note

what's one thing about pat and pran you wanted to rant about but still didn't?

oh dear anon you have well and truly opened a can of worms here. i think there are like a million tiny things about patpran that i havent ranted about yet, like little aspects to their dynamics or specific headcannons i have for them. but seen as im being give the opportunity, youre putting down the soapbox for me, i felt like i had to think carefully. tumblr is telling me its been 8 hours since i got this ask and believe me, i have non stop been going through the filing cabinet in my head of patpran rants looking for a good one. then i remembered that i wanted to talk about something, so here we go.

ive seen people talk before about how much they love the fact that, when pat has his realization, he doesnt go into any kind of gay crisis. his mind is going through a lot, but i dont think any of those thoughts are 'oh god i like a boy wtf am i gay what is this its weird gross ew'. im not saying his revelation has no affect on how he views his sexuality, i think its just that its not that shocking to him bc hes just so fine with it yknow. like if someone came out to him he wouldnt even do a double take, and so he doesnt for himself. hes more like oh cool moving on, very much so concerned with acting on his feelings. like i dont think it even crosses his mind to have an identity crisis, he just needs to tell pran, like, now.

anyway this is all to say that i love how this attitude manifested in ep 7 in a more physical way. bc throughout the series we've seen that pat is fine with physical contact and closeness, but it wasnt inherently sexual or romantic at that point. but now it is, you can just tell, whenever theyre near there are sparks just because of their proximity. and the thing is, not only is pat ok with that, but he more so than pran initiates and encourages physical intimacy with that implicit meaning. he takes his shirt of twice, openly invites pran to look at him in a sexual way, encourages pran to touch him, and even outside those moments in the curry scene at the start and the face cleaning scene, pat is the one to touch pran's face. and i just think it fits pat's character so well that there is no hesitance in the exploration of his sexuality, not emotionally or physically. its just so plain and simple and i think thats really something ppl should see and deserve to see. that this man is like 'oh ok i like this boy, i want to touch this boy, i want this boy to touch me too... cool'. pat is a creature that follows his instincts, lives moment to moment and i just love that liking pran for him was like finally putting in the last piece of a puzzle, bc now that its complete, its not like hes wondering 'hmm i wonder if that was the right piece, does it fit right', bc the picture is clear and it makes perfect sense and theres no need to fret over or overthink or analyse any of it. and it screams so loudly this whole meant to be, destined to be together vibe they have, like the universe itself was created so they could be with each other.

anyway, im rambling and getting off topic, but as i was talking about ep 7, i wanna end it with this. in all of pran's flirtations and advances, very contrary to the finger licking incident at the end of ep 7, all of his flirting, seduction, insinuation is verbal. he is the absolute king of dropping lines so laced with romantic and sensual meaning that absolutely ruin pat. but think about all the flirting we see in ep 7, in none of them does pran touch pat without pat starting it. even in the library when pran is very much getting up in pat's personal space, he leverages himself on his arm, traps pat in and dangles himself in front of pat without touching. this says a lot to me about both of them. firstly, that i think pran knows that pat is attracted to him, plain and simple. bc its so easy with these two to talk about their star crossed, written in the stars, decided by fate love. but i love that in these moments you can see there's plain and simple attraction, like pat's face sometimes screams 'i find you so hot and attractive' and like yes looks arent everything but i love that in their relationship that can be so deep and complex, sometimes its as simple as were both really attracted to each other, bc that is a part of any good relationship too. and the fact pran uses it as leverage in his flirting is excellent. secondly, it shows how pran is the more reserved one, the one more reluctant to end this bet, bc hes so comfortable with talking the talk, but walking the walk is a whole other thing, and he's only comfortable with that when invited into it by pat, when in his mind he can be certain that this is a game, and he is free in the game, and this physical intimacy doesnt have to mean anything. i talked before about how pran can truly express himself when his mind switches off and he allows himself to act in the moment, and this applies here too. there's too many mental barriers stopping him from instigating a physical interaction, but when caught up in the moment, swept up on the fun of the game and being with pat, he doesnt have to overanalyse his actions and therefore he can be physically intimate.

and i love how this whole physical vs non-physical battle plays out. i love that, while he wont touch pat, he'll touch wai and make a show of it bc he knows thats something he's keeping from pat at the moment. he is well and truly keeping that card close to his chest, dangling it right in front of pats nose that he'll put his arm around him at the rugby practice and wipe his mouth at the noodle place. its more than just jealousy that pran is touching wai, its an absolute power move. pran is literally like i wont instigate any physical intimacy with you, but look at me drape myself all over wai, and let it stir up all that jealousy, let it make you angry, let it be the thing that breaks you bc you do desperately want me to touch you, and for that touch to be of my own accord. and then he does, right at the end, the first initiation of physical touch by pran is him wiping pats mouth, right after he made his confession by feeding him. it shows that he's now allowing himself to initiate bc he is comfortable with it, he doesnt need there to be any excuses of a game and neither does he have to withhold that from pat for the sake of winning. there are no winners and losers anymore, just a boyfriend that he can touch whenever he wants and who will touch him in return. and i cant wait to see this whole thing blossom into the most beautiful and adorable displays of casual intimacy so i can throw up over how in love they are.

#wow turns out i really did have things to rant about #im telling you if you give me the opportunity i will always deliver #and once i start typing about one thing my mind just goes and goes #spirals and spirals down rabbit hole after rabbit hole #i dont want to read this back bc i have no clue how coherent it is #this is legit just stream of conscious rambling about patpran i hope u delivered dear anon #bad buddy #patpran #made by jemmo

145 notes · View notes

luxaofhesperides · 3 years

Text

been thinking abt the inherent intimacy of waking up with someone and wrote a little joongdok drabble abt it...

. . .

Kim Dokja wakes up before the alarm for once. He blinks the last of the sleep away, feeling strangely rested. He’s gotten so used to always being tired and feeling like his body is made of stone when he wakes up that not being tired is strange. He almost doesn’t like it because he’s not used to it.

This is surely the result of Yoo Joonghyuk trapping him in the bed each night before it even hits midnight and refusing to get his absurdly heavy body off of him. So Kim Dokja has to stay, crushed beneath him, until he falls asleep because he can’t get anything to read like that and the sound of Yoo Joonghyuk’s slow, even breaths always lulls him to sleep before he can slip away.

It’s not… bad. He is definitely not complaining. It’s just that this is so different from how he’s lived for years, always tired and hungry and barely living. Forever cold. Alone.

The room is still dark, just beginning to lighten as the sun slowly rises from where it’s been hidden beneath the horizon. Everything is still and silent, as if the world has been muffled and submerged under water.

Besides him, Yoo Joonghyuk shifts, slinging a sleep-heavy arm across Kim Dokja’s stomach. He lets out a quiet sigh and continues sleeping, and Kim Dokja can’t help the bubble of warmth welling up inside him, making him melt into a puddle of soft affection.

That’s another thing that’s changed: sleeping with Yoo Joonghyuk. Before him, Kim Dokja had never known the comfort of another’s touch, of the feeling of safety when wrapped up in someone’s arms beneath the covers, of how the rest of the world couldn’t touch them there. But now he did. He doesn’t want to go back to a life without this.

He really does live only for Yoo Joonghyuk. First his story, and now for him.

To think that he could have this. It makes Kim Dokja want to cry, choking on everything he feels because it’s so much that he’d never be able to verbalize it without sounding insane.

The alarm won’t go off for another hour. He could leave. He could get something to eat, or go to the bathroom, or grab a book to pass time until Yoo Joonghyuk wakes up.

Kim Dokja doesn’t move.

He turns onto his side, shifting closer to Yoo Joonghyuk to get rid of the little space between them. Pressed up against him, feeling his warmth seep into him, Kim Dokja lets out a little sigh, content beyond imagination. All he can hear is Yoo Joonghyuk’s slow breaths and all he can feel in the comforting weight of his arm on his waist.

Any other day, this would make Kim Dokja fall asleep, but just for today, it keeps him awake, marveling at the fact that he can have this, can have Yoo Joonghyuk soft and vulnerable in sleep, sleeping deeply and easily without any nightmares. Can have his tight embrace and his heavy weight on top of him. Can have a space in the world carved out just for the two of them.

Kim Dokja can’t help the smile that graces his face; a soft, genuine thing that he’d never show anyone else.

Gently, he reaches out and lightly drags his fingertips down Yoo Joonghyuk’s jawline, then cups his cheek. His heart is so full it’s bursting.

He stays there, just watching Yoo Joonghyuk sleep, memorizing this moment to hold close to his chest for the rest of his life. He’s never seen Yoo Joonghyuk so serene and still, without a furrow in his brow or a scowl on the edge of his lips.

Yoo Joonghyuk lets out a deeper breath, almost a smile, and leans into Kim Dokja’s touch.

He can’t help it, he has to kiss Yoo Joonghyuk’s forehead, his nose, his cheek, the corner of his lips. How can he not, after seeing that?

It’s enough to rouse Yoo Joonghyuk, who doesn’t snap awake immediately as he would have years ago. No, he wakes slowly, beautifully, slowly blinking his eyes open and looking at Kim Dokja with such fondness in his gaze that it makes him blush.

“What are you doing awake?” he asks, voice still low and rough with sleep.

“Nothing,” Kim Dokja answers honestly, “Just looking at you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t believe you’re here with me. That you chose to stay.”

Yoo Joonghyuk rolls them over, pulling Kim Dokja on top of him. He wraps his arms around Kim Dokja, one hand idly stoking up and down his back. Kim Dokja props his chin up on his hands, looking at Yoo Joonghyuk with a small smile.

“Where you are is where I’ll be. Always.”

“I know. I know you’ll always find me.”

“Good.” Yoo Joonghyuk tilts his chin up just slightly and Kim Dokja immediately dips his head to kiss him. “Are you hungry?” he asks when they pull away, voice barely louder than a whisper, as though he didn’t want to disturb the quiet of the rest of the world.

“Not really. Can we just stay like this a little longer?”

“Of course.”

“Oh, and Joonghyuk-ah?”

“Hm?”

Kim Dokja smiles, bringing his hand back to Yoo Joonghyuk’s check to brush his thumb across his cheekbone gently. “Good morning.”

Somehow, impossibly, Yoo Joonghyuk’s expression softens even more. He turns his head to press a kiss against Kim Dokja’s palm.

“Good morning.”

#orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #joongdok #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #orv fic #my writing #fic #hi i love them and i want them to be soft #wrote this v fast and didnt edit so if u see any mistakes. no u didnt

232 notes · View notes

theghostofashton · 3 years

Text

i have so much to say regarding the way glee did kurt’s mental health i have issues with a lot of it but i think the thing that bothers me most is how it was always subtext. chris did a spectacular job of portraying kurt’s silent struggle, his frustration and increasing feelings of overwhelm through season 5, but i think where i take issue most is when people just put all of that in a box and mark it “cold”.

cold is not an inherent personality trait for kurt, cold is a trauma response. kurt detaches, when he’s overwhelmed or frustrated or sad. we see it in his “one day i’ll be out of this cow town” that he repeats throughout season 1, this placating of himself with an idealistic future to avoid breaking under how awfully he’s being bullied. he has to detach himself from his current situation in order to handle it.

his issues with intimacy, vulnerability, trust? we see in 4x20 that he was being made fun of by kids and their parents starting at the age of 3. his mom dies at 8, and then it’s clear that burt kind of closes off too. their relationship doesn’t seem that close until after the home/laryngitis/theatricality arc in s1. for the most part, he’s alone. he’s gotten used to isolating, and people treating him like a disease because of his sexuality, fashion choices, voice, etc.....does not help.

the thing that bothers me is how people make all of this “kurt is cold and doesn’t care”. no, we have canon evidence to understand why he acts like he does. he closes off to protect himself because he’s been conditioned to believe he needs to. that’s his first priority. no one cared enough to protect him when he was younger, so he is hypervigilant in protecting himself.

the problem is that glee never brought direct attention to any of this. intimacy is just the tip of the iceberg, at least in my opinion. we’ve seen him open and inviting (all of the dalton arc in s2), and i fully believe he gets back there after a lot of therapy and time to exist without having to process one trauma or another.

(and yes, i get that glee was a comedy. but if they wanted to be a comedy and not touch on all of this they should not have heaped so much trauma on this kid. you can’t just do that and then.......not handle it. trauma fundamentally alters the brain. it alters the way a person interacts with the world.)

his character is so complex and there’s so much to unpack and i hate when people write that off as “oh kurt’s cold and he doesn’t care”. no. he does care. people just made caring incredibly unsafe for him and he had no other choice.

#kurt hummel #don't mind me lmao im just a bitch w a psych background and opinions on glee #and yet again i come back to this is why someone who makes him feel CONNECTED is supremely important #i could go on a whole other rant about the relentless trauma this kid has been through #it makes sense when you look at how chris plays him bc i do believe chris was keeping all of this in mind #but bc it wasn't explicitly touched on 'kurt is cold and cares about no one but himself'#glee #kurt thoughts

220 notes · View notes

nolanell · 3 years

Text

Apartment 9: Writer Wednesday September 8th 2021

Writer Wednesday: @autumnleaves1991-blog and @clydesducktape

Pairing: Maxwell Lord (WW84) x Female Reader

Length: 2.8K

Warnings: Mention of divorce, being a single parent, brief consideration of being a woman alone in a big city. A lot of this takes place in a lift. Allusion to an age gap (not a big one, and reader is of age). Aside from being female and other characters describing her as pretty, there are no other descriptors of the reader. There is one kiss described, but no other physical intimacy.

Author's Note: My first ever Writer Wednesday submission! I hope you enjoy. I have read a few soft and fluffy things for Max Lord recently and he's just been in my head. Inspiration struck me with this week's prompt and I just went with it!

You didn’t know much about the man who lived down the hall. What you did know, you didn’t know if you could fully believe as a lot of it was snippets of lift gossip you had heard as you went to and from your apartment to the ground floor. That didn’t seem reliable, or like it would be particularly kind in the way it painted a picture. But if this gossip was to be believed, he had recently lost everything except his son, who he loved dearly. Essentially, he had made some bad decisions and was now paying for them.

You hadn’t seen him in person yourself until he had been there about six months. It so happened he was running for the lift and you held the door for him. You didn’t know who he was at first.

‘Thank you,’ he smiled softly as he stepped in.

You smiled back.

‘Have you… have you lived here long?’ he asked.

You turned to him and raised an eyebrow. There wasn’t anything inherently wrong with the question, but you couldn’t be too careful, a woman living on your own in the big city.

‘I- I just meant I’ve been here six months and we’ve not met before,’ he explained.

You softened a little bit. Whoever this was, was just trying to be friendly. ‘Two years, nearly,’ you replied.

The lift door dinged as you reached the ground floor. He motioned for you to go first. You paused a second, a little taken aback at his politeness, but walked out of the lift, turning around to face it once you came out. He stepped out after you, not quite sure what to do given you had stopped. He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

‘You live on the eighth floor too?’ you asked, a little surprised.

‘I do,’ he nodded. ‘Number 11.’

‘Number 9,’ you pointed toward yourself.

‘Wow, practically neighbours for half a year and we’ve only just met!’ he laughed. He had a genuine smile, but his laugh seemed a bit restrained, a bit guarded.

You couldn’t help but break into a big smile at the absurdity of it. ‘Right? How crazy!’

He seemed to perk up a bit at your smile; seemed to stand a bit straighter, his smile starting to reach his eyes a bit more. He pushed his floppy, blondish-brownish hair out of his eyes and smiled again.

‘I’m Max,’ he offered his hand. ‘Nice to meet you.’

You offered your hand in return and gave your name. ‘Nice to meet you too, Max.’

‘I’ve got to get going, I’m picking up my son,’ Max said, moving toward the exit.

‘Where from?’ you asked. Couldn’t be school at 10am on a Saturday.

‘From his mum,’ Max explained. ‘I get to see him this weekend.’ The smile on Max’s face showed just how happy he was about it. It was a much more genuine smile this time, and very infectious.

‘I won’t keep you then,’ you smiled back, moving to catch up to him. ‘Have a lovely time together.’

‘Thank you,’ Max was still smiling and this one had reached his eyes fully; he looked genuinely pleased at your remark. ‘Have a good rest of the day yourself.’

You parted ways as your came out of the apartment building. He seemed pleasant enough. Just a single dad, clearly loved his son, trying to get by, as far as you could tell. And after all, wasn’t everyone in the building just trying to get by? And if the lift gossip was true, was that really your business, or anyone else’s, for that matter? Max seemed nice enough to want to say hello to, and hold the lift door for again.

You didn’t see him again for a couple of days, and this time you were both waiting for the lift to arrive. After exchanging the standard ‘hello’, the silence was a little difficult; you weren’t one for inane small talk. Out of the corner of your eye you could see Max stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring at his feet. He looked… nervous?

Come on, you must be able to think of something.

‘How was your time with your son?’ you asked, glancing over at Max.

He looked relieved that you had said something. ‘It was great, thank you,’ he smiled. ‘How have you been?’

‘Not too bad,’ you gave what you hoped was not a tired smile. ‘Just trying to get by.’

Max nodded. ‘I hear that,’ he agreed. ‘Just one foot in front of the other, it feels like some days.’

The lift dinged and the doors opened. Max motioned for you to go first again. ‘To the ground?’ he asked as he went to hit the floor button.

You nodded. ‘Are you seeing your son again today?’

‘No,’ Max said, more than a hint of sadness in his voice. ‘Just out for a walk and a coffee.’

‘There’s a great place round the corner from here, if you haven’t already been. Maria’s?’ you furrowed your brow trying to remember the name.

‘I think I’ve walked past it,’ Max nodded. ‘I’ll check it out. Anything exciting planned for you today?’

You shook your head and laughed. ‘I wish. Just errands.’

‘Never ends, does it?’ Max agreed.

The lift doors opened and again Max motioned for you to go first. As you left the building, Max wished you a nice rest of the day and that he would see you later. You smiled and nodded. You only had two interactions lasting less than five minutes, but Max seemed much nicer than the lift gossip suggested. Which is exactly why you tended not to not give it any credit. At least next time you had something to ask about; whether he tried the coffee at Maria’s, and what did he think of it. You found yourself hoping you saw him again fairly soon; it was nice to have someone to talk to who didn’t just want to gossip about the building residents. Or was it that he was kind of cute? Sure, he was a little older than you, but the way his hair flopped forward when he looked down was adorable. He had a nice smile too. But, you reminded yourself, he was just trying to get by, one foot in front of the other.

But weren’t you, too?

You didn’t see Max for a few days after that and even then, only very briefly. You were coming out of the lift having come up, as he was waiting for it to go down. There was a boy with him you assumed was his son; there wasn’t a huge resemblance, so you assumed he must look more like his mum.

‘Hello Max,’ you greeted him as you stepped out.

‘Hello,’ he smiled at you. ‘I’m so sorry, we’re in a bit of a rush.’

‘Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll hold the lift for you soon,’ you smirked over your shoulder as you walked to your door. You heard the lift doors close behind you, but not before you heard a chuckle from Max and a young voice ask ‘Dad, who is that?’. So you’d finally met Max’s son, sort of.

You did in fact hold the lift for Max a couple of days later, but on the way up this time. He was carrying a couple of grocery bags and smiled at you over the top of them.

‘Thank you,’ he said as he tried to hold the bags without anything slipping out.

‘Told you I would hold the door for you soon,’ you laughed softly. ‘Can I give you a hand?’

‘Would you mind?’ Max looked relieved. ‘Only if you’re sure, I wouldn’t want to impose.’ You motioned with your hands to pass you one and took the one in his left arm from him.

‘How was the coffee at Maria’s? Did you go in the end?’ you asked, once you were sure the grocery bag was secure.

‘I did, it was lovely,’ Max smiled. ‘Definitely one of the best I’ve had since I got here.’

‘It’s my favourite,’ you agreed. ‘Oooh, and it’s nice to see your son has your curiosity.’

Max blinked at you and looked genuinely confused. ‘I’m sorry?’

‘A few days ago, you were in a hurry as I was coming out the lift? He asked who was that as you got in?’ you explained.

‘Oh! Sorry, yes, I’d almost forgotten,’ he said as recognition crawled across his face. ‘I keep telling him to use his indoor voice. He does keep me on my toes.’

The lift doors dinged, and before stepping out you asked Max if he’d like some help carrying them to his apartment.

‘If you’d hold on to it while I get the door open, that would be wonderful,’ he said, motioning for you to leave the lift first. He followed you as you stepped out and nodded in the direction of his apartment door.

As you got to Max’s door, you were standing either side of the door itself, facing each other as Max fumbled in his pockets for his keys. This was the first time you’d properly looked at him, and you found yourself picking up details you’d not noticed before. His floppy blondish-brownish hair flicked down toward his eyes, that you’d seen before, but you hadn’t noticed how beautiful his deep brown eyes were, and you hadn’t taken in his gorgeous golden skin, and the size of his hands on the grocery bag…

Girl, get it together. This poor guy is probably reeling from who knows what, given he is a dad not living with his son he very clearly loves, and describes living as one foot in front of the other. He does not need you looking at him like that.

You heard Max say something.

‘Sorry, what was that?’ you ask.

‘I… I said thank you so much for helping,’ Max said, his skin a little pink.

His front door was open. He’d found his keys and opened the door while you’d been gawking at him. Your cheeks burned slightly at the thought he might have noticed.

‘Oh! It’s no trouble,’ you smile. ‘Want me to bring this in?’ You raised the bag you were still holding.

‘No, don’t worry, I’ve got it from here,’ Max chuckled. He seemed to be avoiding your gaze.

You straightened up and smiled again as you passed the bag over. ‘Okay, I’ll leave you to it. See you later, Max!’

‘See you later,’ Max replied, as you were already walking back to your own door.

Later turned out to be a couple of days later, and again you met Max going up in the lift. He had his son with him again.

‘This is Alistair,’ Max beamed proudly, after introducing you to his son.

You knelt down, and smiled at Max’s son. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Alistair,’ you hold your hand out.

‘You too!’ he smiles in that adorable, excited way most children do, and shakes your hand.

You stand back up again as the lift dings and you all get in, Max holding Alistair back as he lets you go first again. In the lift, Alistair presses the button for the eighth floor, and looks up at you.

‘Can I press the button for you?’ he asks.

‘You already have,’ you smile down at him. ‘I live on the same floor as your dad.’

Alistair smiles. He gets this expression on his face you can’t place. You don’t dwell on it as you hurriedly try to think of small talk; what can you ask that doesn’t ignore one or the other? Then it hits you.

‘Alistair, has your dad taken you to Maria’s?’ you ask him, a smile teasing at the corners of your mouth.

‘The coffee shop?’ Alistair looks at you, confused, as you nod. ‘No, he says coffee is for grown ups,’ Alistair rolls his eyes.

‘That’s true, but you know what? Maria’s also does amazing milkshakes,’ you grin as you look at Max. He smiles at you.

‘Ooooh,’ Alistair gasps.

The lift dings. Max motions for you to go first. You step out and kneel down to Alistair again. ‘It was nice meeting you, Alistair. See you soon?’

Alistair nods with a smile. You stand up and smile at Max ‘I’ll see you soon,’ you say as you walk toward your door.

‘Dad, is that the pretty lady from number 9?’ you hear Alistair’s voice, and you’re glad you’re walking away as your face flushes red.

‘Indoor voice, please, Alistair,’ you hear Max sigh, as their footsteps move away from you.

You’re beginning to think Max is avoiding you. It’s been almost a week since you met Alistair and you’ve not seen him. You’re standing in the lift waiting for it to start moving, staring at your shoes, as you hear someone get in. Your eyes flick up for a second and you see Max standing in the lift with you.

The lift doors close and it begins descending.

For the first time, you actually feel like there is an awkward silence between you two. You dare another glance at Max and he is doing the same as you, staring at his shoes. That gorgeous hair has flipped forward again, hands stuffed into his pockets…

You clear your throat. ‘Do you normally tell Alistair about all the pretty ladies you see?’

Max’s head whips round to you, so fast your surprised he’s not given himself whiplash. ‘I’m… I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable.’

You smile kindly at Max. ‘Not at all,’ you reply. ‘But that’s not what I asked,’ your expression turns into something of a mischievous grin.

Max blushes. Those stunning eyes meet yours. ‘I… I told him… well, you’re the only one I’ve ever mentioned.’

It was your turn to flush red. ‘Really?’

Max nods as the lift dings for the ground floor, and gestures for you to go first. ‘And even then, it was his idea.’

‘What?’ you ask, confused.

Max looks at the floor, smiling nervously. ‘Remember when we were on our way down, when we were in a rush? Well, he asked who you were, as you heard, and I explained you lived at number 9 and we got the lift together sometimes.’

You nod, waiting for him to continue.

‘And Alistair really does keep me on my toes because he said you were really pretty, and I agreed. And of course he decides to remember that at the point it would cause the most embarrassment,’ Max sighs, risking a glance over to you.

‘I think it was more the lack of indoor voice that was the problem,’ you giggle.

Max laughs, another genuine one that reaches his eyes, and he nods in agreement. ‘It certainly was,’ he smiles, a sweet little dimple emerging on one side of his face. He was so cute, and you were starting to think he had absolutely no idea.

You both stood there for a few seconds in silence, not really knowing what to do next but also not really wanting to end the encounter.

‘Where are you off to?’ Max asks you.

‘Nothing too exciting, just a walk and then coffee at Maria’s,’ you reply.

‘What a coincidence,’ Max smiles. ‘Would you mind if I join you?’

‘Of course,’ you nod. ‘Who would turn down the gorgeous guy from number 11?’

Max flushes red. ‘I don’t know about that. But I’m glad the pretty lady from number 9 wouldn’t.’

Damn, he really had no idea how cute he was, did he?

As you step out of the building, Max offers you his arm, and you loop yours through it as you walk down the steps from the entrance. You pause at the bottom, smile and gaze into those incredible dark brown eyes. Before you know where you are, your lips are on his and you’re running your hands through his hair, curling your fingers at the back of his neck. His lips are impossibly soft, his hands finding their way to your waist, holding you close to him. His tongue gently brushes against your lips, seeking permission, and you are all too happy to grant it. He’s gentle, almost hesitant at first, but his kiss deepens into something so passionate you’re glad he’s holding your waist, as he’s making you weak at the knees.

Eventually you pull back, breathless, giddy, smiling. ‘Wow,’ is all you can offer.

Max smiles and blushes for about the third time in five minutes. ‘Wow indeed,’ he agrees. ‘Come on, let’s go and get a coffee and you can tell me about this gorgeous guy at number 11.’

You roll your eyes, loop your arm in his and start walking. ‘Sure thing, but only if there’s more of those kisses in it for me,’ you tease.

#writer wednesday #max lord fanfic #max lord x you #maxwell lord x reader #maxwell lord fluff #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

82 notes · View notes

imthepointe · 3 years

Text

We’re Not Really Strangers

Jay’s not really sure why Cole has always been so touchy with him, but he decides to welcome the physical contact- to an extent. And so he resigns himself to a great and terrible boundary of friendly intimacy with his best friend; more than strangers but never more than friends, perhaps destined for something greater.

In which Jay is one-hundred percent, entirely straight.

a/n: 4302 words, tw for internalized homophobia

When Jay first met Cole, he first noticed his arms. His really nice, lean, smooth arms. They were unusually buff for a thirteen-year-old, and reflected years of mountain climbing and muscle building. The very next thing he thought was what? because that was a weird thing to notice in a guy.

In his reckless adolescence, the little lightning ninja chalked this first and silent observation up to the fact that pre-teens shouldn’t be so buff and that it was only natural for him to notice Cole’s inherent, smoulder-y attractiveness.

Because Jay liked girls. He liked their skin, their long hair, and…

It doesn’t matter. Jay liked girls, exclusively.

Five years later Jay can’t imagine a life without Cole. He’s his partner in fighting, combat, and training, but also in just day-to-day life. Their conversations range from fighting about which flavor of ramen is best to more serious topics such as relationships...with family.

Jay remembered when Cole had first opened up to him about losing his mother and his rocky relationship with his father. He had looked down, until finally, Jay scooted just a little bit closer to him. His side pressed into Cole’s, and the earth ninja crumbled, allowing himself to be emotional and sincere. And when it was all over, Cole put his hands on Jay’s and thanked him; Jay ignored the warmth in his chest, attributing it to the vulnerability of the conversation and the delicacy of the talk.

But Cole’s physical presence persisted. It started during gaming nights, when the two were so close they were practically on top of one another, their thighs touching and oh god Cole’s bicep flexing against Jay’s arm as he gripped the game controller tighter.

Jay decided he didn’t mind the contact and allowed Cole to continue being close.

During training, Cole would not miss any opportunity to help Jay stand from the ground, extending hand to help him up and gently pulling the blue ninja to his feet. During physical combat training, Cole would win- and rather it was because Jay liked when Cole would swiftly pin him down to the ground or simply because the earth ninja was a better fighter than he, Jay wasn’t sure.

As they were sitting for dinner, Cole’s hand would brush against Jay’s. It was fleeting and probably an accident.

This was the problem: Jay found himself thinking about Cole’s muscles much more than he thought about kissing nameless girls. But he maintained that it was only because Cole was his best friend and naturally a pretty handsy guy- not to mention he does have stellar muscles, anyway, so it was only natural that they were noticeable to Jay.

But this resolve crumbled one hot summer day during training. They were both seventeen.

“You all have such cool places to keep your weapons,” Jay complained. Kai, Zane, Cole, Jay, and Lloyd were all out in the monastery’s courtyard, taking a small break from the morning’s rigorous training.

“Do we?” Zane asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Jay said, dragging the “s” sound. “I just have to carry my nunchucks.”

Kai suggested he get a belt that would hold them, and Jay liked that idea, until the belt finally came.

Kai had made it for him. Jay was grateful- he really was- but this was by god the ugliest thing he had ever laid eyes on. Not to mention it weighed about as much as he did, and it hardly even was able to hold his nunchucks.

But as to not disappoint the fire ninja, he tried to put it on. Tried. Unfortunately- or perhaps fortunately, Jay’s not sure- Kai was also not an expert in design and practical effectiveness.

“Kai, this buckles in the back,” Jay said. “I can’t get it on.” Internally, Jay breathed a sigh of relief. At least he for sure didn’t have to put the belt on now.

But when Cole offered to help him put the belt on, he quickly accepted.

So Cole took the belt and knelt down beside the blue ninja, buckling the buckle (in the back!) with gentleness and care. All throughout practice, Jay found himself annoyed by the cumbersome feeling of the belt, even if he did have a place to store his nunchucks. But, the next day, when Cole offered to help him put the belt on again, Jay said yes before his mind could catch up.

Jay was uncomfortably comfortable with it all. When he should be trying to focus on training, all he can think about was Cole’s warm and calloused hands gently touching his hips, steadying them to buckle his stupid little nunchuck belt.

The third night after the belt incident, the lightning ninja was in his room, mentally reprimanding himself for stewing over Cole’s likely innocent acts of kindness- not because he wasn’t grateful for Cole’s help and generosity, he really was, but because he should be used to Cole’s touchiness by now.

And that was that. Cole has always been a little bit more physical in his...affections, and had no issue giving gentle touches and reassuring looks to anyone. That was right, Jay supposed. It didn’t matter because the entire situation was just Cole being the nice guy that he was. If it had been Zane with a belt fiasco, the earth ninja wouldn’t have hesitated to help him clasp the buckle either. Jay wasn’t even sure why he was so worked up about the whole thing anyways.

He dismissed the thought. Plus, no matter how physical Cole was, it didn’t matter, because Jay liked girls anyways. He really liked Nya, who, despite being the only girl he had ever had some sort of connection with beside his mother, seemed to like him too.

So he drifted off to sleep, dreaming about kissing her... but everytime he closed his eyes and conjured up this mental picture, she didn’t have a face.

---

A week later, after dinner, Jay and Cole were alone playing some game when the black ninja set his controller down and assumed an aura of stoic-ness about him.

“What’s up?” Jay asked.

“I’m bisexual,” Cole responded.

Jay’s mouth hung wide for a moment, before he mustered a smile and a “cool!” and cracking some stupid joke like leave it to you to overachieve. But he had also noticed the strength and vulnerability of Cole’s tone. When he came out then, he might have been scared, but he wasn’t afraid. Jay even remembered finding it admirable how relaxed Cole remained.

And then the moment was over, ending with Cole muttering “just wanted to let you know.” Jay didn’t mind, and they resumed gaming.

Minutes later, the door opened to reveal Kai, Lloyd, Zane, and Nya.

“C’mon, lovebirds, Wu wants us to try out some new training technique. He said-”

“Lovebirds? That’s a new one, Kai,” Cole interrupted, a light and playful smile on his face. He seemed to be handling Kai’s words with considerably more lightheartedness, either not putting more than two cents to Kai’s words or just not caring regardless.

But Jay cared, a lot. He jumped from the couch and met Kai’s eyes.

“And at least I’m straight!” Jay shouted in a valiant display of defense, perhaps more as a reminder to himself than the others. He felt his cheeks burn and his stomach twist; he regretted saying that almost immediately.

(Jay would spend the next week regretting his reaction, loathing himself for his intonation and word choice. Soon, though, the regret turned into a serious analysis of why he cared so much about Kai’s tease, but this rhetorical question stumped even Jay’s genius. Because- in that moment- Jay wanted whatever it was Kai thought he and Cole were.

The lightning ninja came to the conclusion that he and Cole were naturally going to be drawn to spend time together, because obviously. They were best friends, and Jay couldn’t imagine not spending time alone with the earth ninja. It’s what kept their friendship so strong.)

“Okay, uh,” Kai stammered, glancing to the side, as if he were trying to avoid something. “It was a joke. I was kidding.”

Nya scoffed. “Let’s just go,” she said, turning to leave. Lloyd and Zane followed her path in suit, presumably towards the monastery’s courtyard to do whatever it was Wu wanted them to do. Then Kai inhaled quickly and turned, and Jay made a move to follow, but something stopped him.

He spared a final glance back at Cole, who he expected to still have a kind expression. Instead, he was sitting on the couch, head in his hands, and cheeks twinged ever so slightly pink.

Jay shook his head and left him alone.

They didn’t practice together that night; Jay practiced with Nya and left Cole alone with Lloyd. Afterwards, everyone had gone inside to shower and head to bed, save for he and Nya.

“Hey,” she called. “Thank you for practicing with me tonight.” Jay’s shoulders stiffened.

Surely it was at least 11 at night by now, completely dark outside. He could hardly see Nya standing directly in front of him.

“You’re welcome. I…” he trailed off, trying to think of something he should say. “I really wanted to. And you’re a good partner.”

“Yeah?”

Jay smiled. “Yeah.”

Then their hands brushed. It was silent for a moment, the only sound the small, labored breaths coming from the two ninjas. They were close, and Jay was elated. This was exactly how it was supposed to happen. This is always how it happened in the books he read or the shows he watched.

Then Nya smiled, and Jay smiled, and then he kissed her.

He supposed it was nice. Even though he couldn’t really see her, he liked kissing Nya. He had thought about it for quite some time. They pulled apart, and Jay looked at her once more, as if he had just seen her in this light for the very first time.

“Thanks again, Jay,” she whispered. The water ninja turned to head inside, but he stopped her, catching her hand.

“Nya,” he said, and it sounded more like a question than a statement. “I like you. I really like you.”

“But you wish I was Cole?”

Jay felt his heart drop and face flush, before he was spitting defenses left and right. That was not what he was expecting after he kissed the girl of his dreams.

Nya didn’t know what he felt. How could she? But as Jay almost expected himself to be angry with her, he wasn’t. His heart began to rapidly beat, and suddenly he wanted to leave this conversation so badly he probably would have faced a djinn again if it meant he could wish this all away.

“Don’t play dumb, Jay,” she laughed. Her smile was kind. “You two hold hands all the time. I’ve seen the way you look at him. You just think you like me.” She took his hand, despite the fact that it was shaky and sweaty from anxiety.

“Listen to me, Jay. Take a deep breath.”

The lightning ninja almost protested, but remained silent, deciding anything he said might just dig himself deeper. “I think you’re great,” Nya began. “But…” she looked off in the distance, probably at the mountains far away. “Trust me. Think about it, and you can talk to me later if you want. Truth is, Jay, I love you, and care for you. And I’m observant.” She let go of his hand, gave his shoulder a squeeze, and went inside the monastery, leaving him alone.

He had one single, fleeting, yet distinct thought as he watched her turn away: Nya’s never been wrong before.

---

Somewhere between denial and anger and bargaining and depression there was Jay. Cole- or, at least, the thought of him- started to keep him up at night, in a real bad way, because every time he closed his eyes he saw him. It was like a rhythm known only to him, the way Jay would push the earth ninja as far away as possible from him during the day but at night wish he was closer than ever.

He was repelling Cole, ever since that night, that terrible, terrible night, when Cole trusted him and when Nya stepped out of her place. He didn’t want to, though. Still, Jay took no initiative to restore their intimacy they once had, even though his heart ached for it.

Of course, though, nothing gold can stay; as the weekly movie night rolled around, he found himself sitting next to the black ninja on the couch, maybe just a little too close for comfort.

But the chosen movie is boring. He was looking at the screen, yes, but his mind was somewhere else- maybe on Cole, whose head was nearly resting on his shoulder, asleep soundly and taking in small, shallow breaths; maybe it was on Nya, who was watching the movie, seemingly very interested in whatever the plot was but probably not really; or Kai, Lloyd, Zane, and Pixal, the latter of which were holding hands and smiling, and Kai and Lloyd fixated on the movie.

See, that was the thing about relationships Jay never really understood. How did Zane know he liked Pixal? Zane was a robot. How did he ever fall for her? Was it human nature, or lack thereof? Or something more innate?

“I believe the term for it is ‘pansexuality,’’' Zane had once said, a couple months ago. “I love Pixal because of who they are. I do not think it is in my coding to see...” he paused, thinking. “...gender. I simply love her regardless, and they love me. I firmly believe that’s what matters most.”

Jay had liked that. Maybe he could be comfortable with that, but his eyes drooped from fatigue before he could stew over it any more.

When he finally awoke, he and Cole had shifted considerably. Everyone else was gone- the movie probably long over- but Cole was nearly on top of him, curled into his side, his face relaxed and soft from sleep. His hair is brushed over onto his face in soft waves, his eyelashes fluttering, mouth slightly open.

Surely Jay must be half-asleep, because he feels the urge to continue dozing like that, his arms wrapped around Cole and at ease in his comfortable presence. But there’s something else, too: a warning. His mind was screaming at him, telling him that this was too close, that friends don’t touch like this. Sure, he and Cole had always displayed their friendship in more physically intimate ways, but this was too far…

He pried himself out of Cole’s arms, stumbling off the couch.

“Jay…?”

Cole had sat up from his position, eyes weary and dreamy. Jay just smiled, ignoring the flushing panic and embarrassment- oh, god- burning bright. “It’s late,” he said. “Go to your room and sleep.”

He did. And Jay somehow managed to make it back to his room, too, despite nearly falling over into Cole’s arms multiple times from the sheer self-humiliation of it all.

---

It went like this: Jay spent half of the next day lying to himself, that no, he did not want to be in a relationship with his best friend who happens to be a guy, and then the later half realizing that he had been lying to himself for much, much longer than a day.

He and Cole weren’t just friends. They weren’t acquaintances, but for some reason, it felt like they were strangers all over again. If they were taken back to the very first day they met- brand new faces, a fresh start- would things have gone differently now that Jay...knew?

He didn’t want to really be lovesick strangers. He wanted something forever. The most terrifying part- besides maybe Nya being right- was that his entire being was yearning for a relationship with Cole.

His mind was racing all through dinner that night, meaning he had nothing to say. It had been an easy day, no missions, just lazing around, and Jay hated it, because he needed something to preoccupy himself with. Nya spared him a few loving glances with a glint of mischievousness in her eye, but otherwise, no one seemed to notice his unusual silence.

After dinner, Jay busied himself; he didn’t think a single thing when he saw Nya tell Cole something, and then when Cole precariously disappeared out of the monastery, and after dinner was over, he volunteered to clean the kitchen. Zane had thanked him, and Jay was alone to wipe down the counters and do the dishes.

Methodical and logical- cleaning was a matter of the brain, not the heart, and thank the FSM for it. The blue ninja’s heart was growing tired. He cleaned until the kitchen was spotless, then retreated to his bedroom.

It was too cramped. Everywhere reminded him of Cole, of Nya; the picture on his nightstand, the one on his desk, where he could see his hand wrapped loosely around Cole’s pinky finger. He needed out, and he needed out fast, and he just needed a place to collect his thoughts and get some fresh air.

It was at least midnight by now, but Nya was in the living room, so he told her where he was going to make sure no one worried (a habit formed due to the unnaturally large number of times one of them has been kidnapped, or worse.)

“I’m going for a walk,” he mentioned in passing.

“Really?” she didn’t sound surprised. “It’s late.”

Jay fidgeted. “Yeah, I’m sure. Plus it’s a nice night out. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.”

He walked out of the monastery and into the courtyard, relishing in the initial breeze that hit him. He would walk down the mountain and back up and be fine.

But a walk turned into a jog, and soon into a sprint. He wondered briefly why he thought he could run away from this realization, leaving it all behind in his bedroom at the monastery. And at least, for a few moments, it succeeded; the burning sensation in his chest and side stitches gnawing at his muscles made him completely forget about the whole situation. But soon, he asked himself why he was running down the monastery’s mountain, and the whole thing came back to Jay, and he audibly groaned.

He wished things could return to normal. He wished he could be normal. But for now, he was only concerned about placing one leg in front of the other as fast as he could despite the strong protest of his lungs.

He quickly tired out, doubling over to place his hands on his knees as soon as he reached the bottom of the mountain. The warm midsummer night breeze offered little reprieve from neither his anxiety nor his feelings for Cole.

“Jay?”

Speak of the devil.

It must have been an odd sight, Jay thought, to see him there, just after 12 at night, heaving and sweating to no end.

Jay sucked in a breath. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here…” Cole trailed off, before glaring at Jay. “What are you doing here?”

Jay couldn’t meet his eyes. His heart was beating out of his chest, and no, it wasn’t from his impromptu run down a mountain. The FSM must have been playing some sick joke on him, because not only was he facing a life-altering realization tonight, now he had to face said person who had been the catalyst for this life-altering realization.

What the fuck.

Cole’s face shifted from that of possibly some unreadable shock to concern. “I was watching the stars, but I take it that was not what you were doing,” he sighed, taking one step closer to him. “Jay, what are you doing here,” he repeated slowly.

The prospect of explaining the entire thing to Cole seemed silly. Maybe because Cole should already know, or maybe because he had been in denial for nearly five years of his feelings and oh god the anticipation and anxiety were overwhelming. And so Jay opened his mouth to say something to Cole that might satisfy his queries, but all that came out was a choked sob.

The tears began and didn’t stop, not when Cole reached out a strong and steady arm and whispered reassurances like “hey, it’s okay,” and “shh, there.” The tears didn’t stop when Cole said “let’s get you inside,” and swooped Jay up in his arms and carried him all the way up the monastery’s steps up the mountain.

Jay cried harder at the prospect that this might be the last time he’s ever in Cole’s arms like this, bridal style.

And finally, Cole made it inside, shirt stained from tears that weren’t his and dotted with sweat from Jay’s temple. He took Jay to his bedroom and laid him down on his bed, before covering him up and sitting on the foot of his bed, as far away from arm’s reach as possible.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.

Jay sniffed pathetically, sitting up from where the earth ninja had tucked him in.

This time, Jay instigated the closeness.

He slid his hand towards Cole, close but not touching. The other ninja held out his arms, and for the first time in a week, Jay quickly consented to falling into his embrace. It was a warm hug, with Cole’s strong, sturdy arms around Jay’s shaking frame.

Jay spoke, voice just above a whisper. “I think I might be gay. Or something. I dunno. Men.” Cole hugged him tighter, and the embrace grew more sincere.

Cole was about to say something, but Jay shushed him, as he had become aware enough to realize that a.) this might be far too intimate and b.) he just made Cole carry him, crying, all the way from the base of the mountain to the top.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he was overcome with some relief that had been just out of grasp for the last five years. He pulled away from Cole and wiped his eyes. “I’m not sure why I’m crying.”

“That’s okay,” Cole smiled. “I don’t mind.”

“No, I’m serious,” Jay said. The pair remained quiet, eyes downcast, some unspoken feelings of tension hanging in the air. “ I came to terms with my sexuality and then I- I just ran all the way down the monastery mountain like a lunatic and I probably really smelly and gross and you still hugged me and carried me. I’m sorry.”

Cole gave a soft smile and a small, gentle laugh that made Jay’s stomach flip, but he could almost sense the upcoming conversation:

Hey, Jay, how’d you realize you might be queer?

Oh, nothing, besides the fact that I often pictured your face on Nya’s when I kissed her (once) and that you sitting right here in front of me makes it pretty easy!

Jay nearly squeaked- yeah, no thanks. He’d rather not do that tonight. Instead, he laid back down on Cole’s bed.

“We don’t have to ever talk about it, if you don’t want to. But I do want you to know that this won’t change anything between us, okay? Like- I won’t stop being your friend…”

Jay felt a twinge of guilt, so he closed his eyes, perhaps pretending to be overcome with sleepiness.

“...and I’ll still love and support you unconditionally. As a partner and friend. Nothing will change because you’re gay, I promise.”

The lightning ninja isn’t sure what spunk possessed him in that moment, but when he found himself saying “what if I want things to change?” before his mind could think clearly, he nearly punched himself square in the jaw for his sheer audacity.

Cole blinked from the foot of the bed. “What?”

Jay composed himself, staring at the ceiling, and decided it was now or never to confess his feelings. “What I guess I mean is that I’d be okay with a change. Maybe not for the worst. Because I like you, Cole. Like- like like you. And you’ve always been touchy with me, and now I want those touches and hand holdings and long hugs to mean something.”

At first he was afraid he had upset Cole, because the black ninja didn’t say anything for what seemed like an eternity. But then, in a swift and fluid movement, he was lying in his bed beside Jay and spooning him.

“This means something,” he said. “And really, for me at least, it always has.”

Jay cuddled into Cole. This was nice. And now that he was comfortable, it was even better. No more suppressed feelings, no more denial. He could admire Cole for who he truly was- yes, a good training partner, with nice wavy black hair and dark skin that looks like amber in the afternoon light and biceps and abs that could rival a god, but also as a crush. A support. A partner...not only for training.

Jay was nearly asleep in Cole’s arms when he whispered, “can I kiss you?”

The earth ninja looked at Jay. “I’ve been waiting for you to since the day I met you,” he said, and their lips met with enthusiastic and warm vitality. Cole’s lips were soft, a stark contrast to his muscular body, and Jay wondered why he didn’t do this sooner.

“By the way,” Jay whispered, “I always hated the feeling of the nunchuck belt. I just let you put it on me because I liked the way your hands felt around my waist.”

“And you just now realized you’re gay?”

---

Nya peeked into the room and, admittedly, felt a little relieved when she saw Jay in Cole’s arms, both sound asleep.

She was so glad she had told Cole to go stargazing that night.

#bruiseshipping #ninjago #cole brookstone #jay walker #internalized homophobia #compulsive heteronormativity #jay has a sexuality crisis and nya plays matchmaker!#pride 2021 #ninjago fanfiction

62 notes · View notes