#oh god I'm so lonely

[waiitiridge]

For as many follwers as I have, I hardly get DMs. But when I do, they are almost always a scammer. Like 99.9999%. My favourite part is them asking me to cash cheques when I don't think I've seen one in 10 years. It's not even an option at my bank 😂

Btws that number is the New Zealand Serious Fraud Office

The saga continues

#life on the internet #oh god I'm so lonely

[seelahmuh]

are there any people in london who are interested in these things?

-Dave Malloy

- talking about Dave Malloy

-Film and TV

-history and art and poetry and theatre and the beauty of life and death

-feeling like it's not possible to have any friends your age bc of all of your many and weird interests and always wanting to have a best friend like those in the movies who you can do and share everything with

no?ok

#london #dave malloy #malloysicals #art #theatre #history #poetry #oh god i'm so lonely

[girlsackthing]

No but for real tho is there a dating scene for trans girls with fucked up senses of humor and weird kinks

I'm so lonely

#Sadposting #text post #Trans #Dating #Lgbt #Oh god I'm so lonely #polyamory

[moodyseal]

I was poking fun at how unexpectedly silly the CHB kids looked in armour in the first two episodes of the PJO show (acting like an almighty army and all) and then it hit me. This is exactly how some of them will look like when they will be dying in the final battle. Silly. Tiny. Literal children

#i'm sorry i always knew that they were children but #when i read books the characters' ages. idk. don't really register completely #maybe it's because i know their internal pov and don't hear their voices or see them #but these are. 12 y/os #fighting things #and only now that i see an actual live action rendition of pjo do i realize the weight of it all #they're so young oh my god #percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv show #lonely thoughts

[arkiwii]

Kristen Arknights is giving me brainworms this cannot continue

Before Lone Trail, I was really convinced that "ah yeah so she's really evil", like what, she approved and conducted the Diabolic Experiment? She approved the experiment at Site #359 and was probably looking at the giant Hub from her window, presumably while eating popcorns, and when Saria arrived to scream at her "WHAT THE FUCK" Kristen just replied "Oh hey I knew you would solve it"? She also funded Loken's Watertank and collected his data on children experiments after he got arrested??

Any sane person would be calling her an egoist, a betrayer, a seeker, a loner

And yet, she was a pioneer.

Lone Trail dropped and now, I don't even know what to think anymore of this character. Like I don't approve what she has done, but also, I don't hate her. She put me into a state of mind I can't think straight anymore. This dog is TRULY fucked up.

She was obsessed, truly obsessed by her dream. She wanted to achieve what her parents had failed to do. She wanted to honor her family, to prove something to the world. To find the truth. To break the sky.

And she fucking did it. She absolutely did. She achieved it, she had done what nobody has ever done before. Regardless of the methods, regardless of morals and ethics, what she did was HUGE. That night, everyone on Terra looked up at the sky. She made a huge step forward, she revolutioned and changed things. The moment she pierced the starpod, a page in the history of the world had been turned, a new era has started. This event was major. And countless scientists will look up upon her, and for ages, her name will be praised.

And she did at what cost? Everything. Her own life, her friends.

I can't stop thinking about how much she tried to keep Saria away from her. I thought that Kristen was using Saria, that she didn't care about her, but actually it's... Something else. She does care about Saria, but it's Saria who was completely obsessed with Kristen. It's Saria who refused to let go. Of course, Saria devoted her life to protect Kristen, she wanted to stay with her until the very end. Kristen did not wanted it, she wanted Saria to continue to live on. It's her dream, and she's ready to die to achieve it. Not Saria's. Nor Muelsyse's.

I can't stop thinking about how she tried EVERYTHING to stop Saria. She studied her Arts, found ways to supress them, created Power Armors to neutralize them, she showed coldness to Saria to keep her away. But god, Saria was clingy as hell. If Kristen had to get to install a trap door in her spaceship SPECIFICALLY for Saria, that's to say how much Saria did not want to let go.

Saria was ready to die for Kristen, she was ready to stay with her until the very end. But Kristen always had in mind to go alone.

And in the end, she had to show Saria that she deserves to live, to continue, that there's still people who need her. Rhine Lab needs her. Ifrit needs her. Silence needs her. Rhodes Island needs her. She can't join Kristen like that. She can't die yet.

Even if Kristen was obsessed by her dream, she was still able to care enough for Saria and the people around her.

And god fucking damn I'm crying

Kristen is absolutely the best antagonist of all Arknights there's absolutely no way we can't do better, I'm standing on my ground

#I'm just throwing away my thoughts because I need to let them go #if you remember my post before about what I think of Saria and Kristen's relationship #I was very wrong #I really thought it was abusive/toxic #but actually it's SO complex #Jesus I wanna analyze this woman with a microscope #there's no cure for her #I'M BARKING AND SCREAMING #she said “oh yeah sciences requiees sacrifices ?” #“aight imma be this sacrifice then” #GOD SHE FUCKING DID IT #Lone Trail has been out for a week and I am still crying about it send tweet #arknights #help me

[recitedemise]

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗯 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗿𝗼𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆. And it is excruciating. On his chest, one can trace its ugly mark, the brand less discoloration and more, unfortunately, a deep-grooved scar. It is unavoidable and impossible to ever miss. Similarly, the way it eats at him is obvious, too. Gale, especially at the start, when his condition, fresh and disorienting, was still abundantly new, the effects of the orb were frighteningly worse. At that time, he little knew how to quell it, that feeding off the Weave would balm the pain, and so for all those days and weeks of panic, he rotted and ached at a terrible pace. He had decayed. And he had bled. Gale's body oozed black, skin, especially at his casting arm, rupturing like cracks in terracotta. He tasted filth always, the bitterness of wasting flesh thick in his throat, nose perpetually leaking with the ink-dark of bleeding. He'd labored to breathe, a feeling like devouring maggots pulsing in his chest. In fact, at the lowest point by then, wallowing and stuck in his tower, Gale began to lose hair, his nails loose and cracking as he scrabbled at the floorboards, knees weak and pain bolting when he collapsed to the floor. He was a pitiful sight. And a worrying one. And even now, with the consumption of magical artefacts, one can still see the way he bows to the blight, heaving for breath when it takes his chest again, sweat at his temples and mouth gone dry. It's all-encompassing. The agony is chronic. It feels like being eaten, being hollowed to his barest self right from the inside. He's a vessel of magic, and the orb means to consume him down to his every last molecule, teeth bared, hackles raised, and appetite crushing. It's like--dying, stolen away to be but swallowed down whole, surrendering to the suck of a hungering vortex. He's unsightly. As well, too, as a burden, he thinks, to the very naked of his bones. But when someone hangs back, touches him despite his rot, he thinks, you shouldn't have to handle something like this. This mere shamble of a graveyard--he's so sorry to dirty their hands.

#HEADCANON. #I explore more the depths of his orb... a la EA Gale. More EA Gale. Because that bandaged hand will forever be in my thoughts. #Imagine at the start when he had no idea what to do about this thing in his chest. #If it fucked up his arm I imagine it had to fuck up everything else. Like. LEGITIMATELY rotting and dying. #How scary. How lonely. How PAINFUL. #God. Mystra really heard and knew him literally in agony and just said. Well. That's your fault. #ANYWAY. Now if ANYONE shows care and actively hangs back to help him catch his breath #or help him and wipe his nose when he begins to bleed he's just... oh. Thank you. (so warmed. so touched. so-- #you would touch me like this? handle me when i'm just--rotting skin and vile blood? isn't this all unsightly?) #Bro. I got thoughts. #Anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE. I finished ALL I HAD TO DO. But now I'm worn out. Happy to be writing again tho. :' )

[foolishnpd]

reading my old diary like babygirl you sure are exhibiting Symptoms™

#lilyroaring #actually npd #I mean literally #these were like. plans for going to a new school #PRETEND TO BE A SOCIOPATH??? Girl WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR PLAN HERE #'i am a regal lone wolf' oufg. cringe oh god the cringe #there's the ol assessing people on their worth in a mental hierarchy thing #there's the 'I'm superior to everyone' mindset #followed up with the 'I'm a failure I'll never achieve anything I'm worthless' crash #this entire diary is so cringe oh god

[brown-little-robin]

~

if you can, would you pray for me? I am having a really hard time right now.

I just. I have too much to do 😭 I've been in survival mode 24/7 for the last four weeks. and the homework is only going to get worse, and I will only have less time for it from here on out because more clients will be booking my hours at work.

Also, I haven't been able to visit my parents for weeks, and the one in-person friend I had at college graduated last year. I'm lonely. I love you all but being with people in the body is a human need. Also, I'm struggling with even feeling like church community is worth attending church this year.

#Robin processes emotions on main #hnnnnnng #I'm so tired #blindsided by this tiredness #senior year and I'm EXHAUSTED turns out #thinking of dropping my 1-credit extra class. idk. that class is so fun though :((( it's creative writing: worldbuilding #idk. also this week in particular has just been really rough for VARIOUS reasons. among them: I have to write a proposal #for my capstone project. which! will! be! good! I get to do self-directed writing! work one-on-one with my favorite professor! #but AUGH the timing of this proposal being due This Week... #I'm sorry y'all. I've got nothing. I need help #AND IT'S RAINING AND I DIDN'T BRING AN UMBRELLA 😭 #just adding insult to injury there tbh 😂 #God's Hardest Battles To His Silliest Clowns et cetera #oh also hi I'm back early because I was lonely

[naamahdarling]

.

#oh god it's bad brain times right now #im crawling out of my skin with how terrible everything is #I'm ao restless and pent up and angry and lonely and confused and just ...all bad things #this feels So Bad guys #i want to just scream to let it out but my throat hurts #oh this sucks so bad #im just. not coping. #I'm trying so hard i really am #but most of the things that help me or make my life better are unavailable right now and i can't find help to fix the things that are bad #ill be fine in a few hours but this is so unpleasant

[kkujo]

something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍

#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST #talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it. #talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix #paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to #immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them #not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely #myself in my head yk #and it's so isolating #and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it #oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this #< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as #into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be #like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine #it's so fucking isolating #i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like #fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely #< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭 #it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do #and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense #because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying #and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality #just if i talk about something a little too much #bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me #but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are #idk #anyways !

[carefulfears]

and the fact that mulder cries a lot makes me want to cuddle him forever 😭😭

everything is so hard for him all of the time!! i love him.

#i love that he cries on screen so much #it means so much in terms of characterization of male heroes that i'm too tired to get into right now #but i also think of when my friend ali talked about how like...what a show of vulnerability it is #in those moments he isn't the invincible protagonist who always charges forward and always makes it out #he's traumatized and he's SENSITIVE and things do not come easy to him. he's afraid. he's lonely. #that ending shot of reduxes just knocks me breathless every time because that IS what it feels like. #that IS what success or barely making it through or 'the best news ever' feels like sometimes #earlier in the ep when he comes to scully's room and she's asleep and he just SOBS next to her. trying to muffle his cries in his hand #so he doesnt wake her. and the next day he's like :) oh i stopped by last night :) didn't want to disturb you :) #it's like actually haunting. and there is no part of THAT that is a heroic crusader. #when everything is 'okay' in the end and everyone is in the room RIGHT BEHIND HIM celebrating and he cries again...god. #it's like the tags i referenced yesterday talked about. it just all hits him at the same time. #there is never any respite on this show even when there's a miracle

[everhoods]

ah.... Long pilisophical post deleted..... I was getting somewhere and having a productive thought train.... Ahhh..... Maybe this is a message from god that I should sleep? Ah.... I think I had some good thoughts* tho so I'll bullet point them

*if anyone starts to study kinning/therapist/otherkin as linked SOLELY to mental illness and therefore making it "invalid" or "crazy" we need to arm ourselves. People need to be weird on the Internet ok

*I don't relate to the two psychotic friends I have... one of them uses the Internet a lot and has some unnoticed biases so that's a given. But the other one doesnt and has gone through a lot of trauma but still looks at me weird when I mention being Jesus IN PRIVACY WHEN WE R HASHING THINGS OUT mind you. He just kind of treats me like an anomaly?? :-( I'm actually very fucking tame$ and polite when it comes to talking about who I am so this upsets me. He might just be shitty but I'm nervous about joining a psychosis support group when I've been treated this way by close friends... Even in the fucking psych ward I was "weird" but those are notoriously cliquey and everyone there was from some form of negative twt

*new bullet point but idk if my friends r just ass but I worry I'm too delusional to fit in in psychosis circles... I miss max a lot... She has schizophrenia and was someone I actually felt comfortable bitching with. I hope she's okay :-(

*right but does anybody who is specifically psychotic (having other disorders as well is fine I don't think I know of anybody with only psychosis) feel this way or have their own takes??? Are psychosis and schizophrenia the same spectrum have I just been wrong this whole time??? I know they're close but what I read online tends to kind of just.... Not acknowledge schizophrenia? Like you will see ppl say it's valid hundreds of times but not actually group it with psychosis.... Am I not looking hard enough???? Where do I go for this-- reddit???

*I like to document my feelings and emotions on Tumblr especially since my memory issues get rid of anything that upsets me

$tame as in model student. Tamed animal. No matter how well composed I am or how much double bookkeeping I experience I am isolated and it sucks :-( I don't view myself as better for doing this, neurotypical people supposedly should but it doesn't fuckimg matter lol. I know this already of course, I just do it so I don't get my autonomy stripped from me

#jesse.txt #Oh God this is so long I'm sorry :-( #I'm just very lonely and want to talk about myself without being like looked at weird #I don't mean to only ever talk about being Jesus... I just mean to mention it and not be creeped on #Also if you do choose to respond please don't refer to my status as Jesus as kinning it's just who I am #Also apologies if I worded anything incorrectly in this... I'm very new to this #Oh God this almost deleted again #I had more tags but I might as well post :-(

[0509-brainrot]

BRING THEM BACK THIS INSTANT !!!

#txt #milgram #WAS THE PREMIUM ART JUST A LIE? HUH? #DON'T LIE TO ME SHIDOU I SAW YOU TWO I CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED /J #okay but fr nooooooooooooooooo bro What happened :sob: #from what i gathered mikoto was fronting more often because of his vc'ed quotes and the conversations he's had with #+kotoko and haruka in tls #so either that's starting to change/he's getting more stressed or the other alters have been really aggressive #maybe they perceive shidou as a threat? #it just seems kinda odd that it's so bad that even shidou is avoiding him (ough he's lonely help himmmm :sob:) #mf help your man !!! where's the smoker's group support huh !!!! where is kazui in all of this?! #OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED EVERYONE'S LIKE AVOIDING MIKOTO NOW #first haruka (tho that god kinda reconciled in the same tl convo) #then shidou and presumably kazui as well #screams cries bring them back my favorite trio i'm sobbing #my pain is immeasurable my day ruined :pensive:

[completeoveranalysis]

[10]

UM HELLO??

ARE WE GETTING THE SECRET WATANUKI BACKSTORY?????

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#INSTANT HEARTBREAK #Yeah ok that’s a pretty convincing reason to be friends with someone #WOW BRUTAL CLAMP #They just came in swinging with a steel bat #Not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #xxxholic 82 #CW: animal death #xxxholic #Watanuki #Doumeki #And DEAR GOD THAT BOY WAS SO LONELY #...oh we have it! #The matching panel to Syaoran standing sadly in the rain! #Except dear god this one blows it out of the water I'm so sorry

[timoothy]

i think that moment in Amélie where they’re finally face to face and she leans in and kisses the corner of his mouth and then his neck and then his brow and then they look at each other and she points at the corner of her own mouth and he kisses her there and then he kisses her neck and her brow.. i think that changed me fundamentally

#most tender moment in movie history for real #a lot of it has to do with their acting like it’s not the same if i just write it down #but ! oh my god #saying this as someone who only watched Amélie when he was 21 #shoutout to my friend for talking me into watching it with her #amélie #Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain #mine #like i'm sorry but i need someone to do that to me so bad #i don't know how to function as a person anymore fr fr i'm so lonely haha <3

[lonesomedotmp3]

do you guys know how fucking lucky it is that I don't have any pictures of myself so I can't cave and go on a dating app...

#truly only that one practical reason stopping me from making myself miserable... thank god 🙏 #however. oh god I'm so lonely!!!!!