#of course I come here to post and y’all are now misha collins so

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#spnfanart #spn fanart #castiel #spnart #spncreatorsdaily #wiggleart #I saw this tweet in like September when it first posted #and I forgot I wanted to draw this #I was gonna draw dean but I thought it was cuter like this #cas with a little cowboy hat halo #I was gonna post this tomorrow but #I liked it too much #of course I come here to post and y’all are now misha collins so #WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

[barren-heart]

If you’re Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, or Jared Padalecki.

STOP.

Read this post.

Dear J2M,

This is an open letter for you three written by a couple of unhappy passionate fans.

We write this to you because we know at least one of you has a secret Stan account and creeps on the destiel hashtag from time to time. Don’t lie. (Ahem. Misha Collins. Looking at you, Sir.)

With the subtle hints and possibility of a revival, us here at BarrenHeart (Bee and Jay) have some thoughts on what we think a reboot/continuation/revival would look like if it was done well.

Note: we don’t speak for the whole fandom(obviously). And we don’t even speak for all of the Cas/destiel fans. This is from our observation of the fandom after 15x18 and the finale, plus our own opinions.

Here are our demands suggestions for the potential revival.

--Castiel--

First things first. Castiel is brought back.

And by that, we mean he is either shown to be rescued from the empty, Jack rescues him from the empty, or by some other means, that man is not left there to suffer for all of eternity.

Castiel is a lead character.

Not a guest star, not “and Misha Collins.” No. Misha Collins gets to be in every d*mn episode. He is an equal lead alongside Dean and Sam. Which leads into the next point.

Castiel gets his own storyline.

It can be connected to Dean in some way, but he needs his own arc, y’all. Don't care what that is, but he IS his own character. So, some form of personal growth or whatever needs to happen. He is a badass and deserves a good storyline. Also…

Give this M-- F-- (mother father) his wings back!

Yes, he died without ever having his wings return to their full power. Like? We know he was nerfed so he wouldn't overpower Sam and Dean. Prove to us that he can be a fully powered badass and still work alongside Sam and Dean. No need to get rid of that.

Human!Cas does not mean pathetic Cas.

There is a divide on whether Castiel should stay an angel. Personally, we like human Cas. However, human Cas was shafted in the series. If you make him human in any way, shape, or form, he’s gonna still have to be a badass. Don’t whimp him!

He can be a good hunter/pretend FBI agent just like Sam and Dean!

So, make him one! Let him do more cases. On his own. With other people. With Sam. With Dean. He can fight without powers, too.

Give him love!

For the love of freaking Jack, let that man know he is loved by people. Not even mentioning anything romantic, he still needs platonic love y’all. Let Sam say it, let Jack say it. Let anyone in his family tell him that he is loved. Not once in this series did Cas hear that anyone loved him. So, fix it!

New style, anyone?

Cas needs other clothes! Please now. The black trenchcoat we never saw in-show? Boss. Cas in a black leather jacket? Coolness. Hunter plaid? Do it.

Confession Resolution

Speaking of love, come to some conclusion please about him and Dean. Give a resolution somehow, somewhere. We personally don’t really care how it’s done, but there needs to be something said here. You cannot just drop a confession there and just leave like it never happened. So, talk about it.

Adding this, I swear, if this is bros only, you WILL lose Cas fans. So, think about what you’re doing.

--Sam--

Sam is important!

Now, personally we have a soft spot for Sam. His character arc in Season 1-5 was great. Demon blood, powerful Sam was amazing. So, don’t sideline Sam. Seriously. We are gonna say in an unpopular way (as if this post isn’t already unpopular to some), but Sam got sidelined real hard in the last few seasons of the show. Now, was that what Jared wanted? Don’t know. But, Sam needs his own storyline too that isn’t just revolved around Dean. Figure it out.

Witch!Sam

Speaking of which, let this man be powerful. Sam is best when he has powers. Sorry but also not. He has been given all of Rowena’s (who is arguably the best witch around) spell books and decides to not really do much with it? No. He’s becoming a BAMF witch. Full-out, no word spells and shit. End point.

Sam in Charge

He’s not just a baby brother. He’s a grown man. Give him room to grow. Allow him to be a leader. Let him lead a group of hunters, witches, a whole team of people! He’s strong on his own, too. He's a big boy. Prove it.

He should fall in love.

Like, get married and all that. It’s a part of his arc, so keep it there. No blurry wife, my god! Personally it should be Eileen. She’s a badass. They also have a lot in common! Holy hell. They make a good team. So, keep that suggestion in mind.

Let him have the hero’s journey.

We want a good ending that shows growth for this character! He saw himself as a freak with powers, so…maybe he can use his powers now in a way that in empowering instead? Let him have an ending that doesn't just return to the beginning. Let him have gone through all of this changed for the better.

Don't be creepy.

Still keep the brotherly bond with Dean, but don’t make it weird, y’all. Don’t. Please.

Sam as a dad.

He can have a kid. But, Dean Jr? Eh. You might want to reconsider some other (Bobby) possibilities.

--Dean--

Now, with Dean, I wanna make this clear.

DO NOT K word THIS MAN.

This man here has dealt with unbelievable trauma, suicidal thoughts and even almost died by suicide in the show (okay, it was for another reason, but still!) He dies way too many times in this show. It’s not new anymore. Perhaps, when the show was newer, death might have been a bittersweet ending. But, now. It’s tarnished. It happened too much and the message of “carry on” got tainted to mean “there is only peace when you die.” That’s not okay.

Resolve his issues!

He has so much pain and trauma. Let him seek help. Let your audience know that it’s okay to process these emotions. Let him heal. He deserves it.

Dean’s internal struggles

This is piggybacking a little off of point two, but Dean has a lot of things he needs to figure out. We feel like his journey is more internal. While processing his trauma, he needs to learn that it's okay to be himself. This could include things about himself that he feels ashamed of or scared to admit. Things he may have repressed or suppressed over time. No more hiding who he is or brushing it off or making jokes. Be your true self, Dean. It's time.

Dean’s still important, of course

That said, Dean should still be integral to the overall narrative of the plot. Of course he's gonna go head to head with the Big Bad of the season/limited series, but he really should focus on what's inside first before he can take this monster down.

The Bro bond

No more dependent/unhealthy bond with Sam. Of course they are family and brothers, and will always be close. That's perfectly fine. However, its important to note that Dean was Sam’s mom/Dad most of his whole life. And, well, that never came to a resolution. Please let Dean resolve this issue. Sam is grown and older now, and even though Dean will always feel protective of him as his Big brother, Dean shouldn't feel like his life only revolves around taking care of Sam. There is more to Dean and his life.

Dean is complex

Also, Dean is not only about cars, burgers, and pie. It's like some of the writers forgot this. There are so many things/interests of Dean’s that are really cool and add to the complexity of his character. Keep those things.

He needs to resolve his issue with Jack.

He never said sorry to the kid. Not once after telling Sam that Jack wasn't family. He needs to tell Jack he is loved.

Speaking of which, Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him.

Okay. Who knows if you will make destiel reciprocal at this point.

Do we think Dean would have reciprocated based on context clues and what we have seen in the show? Yes.

Do we think this love is romantic? Yes.

Do we think you'll actually fully make it canon in a reboot/continuation? Eh.

Regardless, Dean loves Cas, so make it known.

Other demands considerations.

‘The found family’ needs to not be forgotten.

All the friends that were made along the way need to be included. What happened with Garth was great, actually. Do more of that. And by that, we mean include Jody and Donna. What are the girls doing now? Wayward sisters anyone? Bring Kevin back. Don't leave him to roam the earth all along like that. Either make him human again like Eileen or send him to rest in Heaven.

Where’s Eileen?

Hello??? Where? Tell us she made it back.

Claire

No idea if you can get Kathryn Newton back, but it would be cool at least for one episode. Please. Kaia? Resolve her storyline.

Also, Charlie.

Wtf happened? That was not resolved. We love Felicia Day. Charlie’s friendship with Dean is amazing. She deserves a few episodes.

Crowley!

Seriously. What happened to Mark was super disappointing. You gotta bring him back. His death wasn't great. Bring him back and give him his damn line already!

Jack!

I'm not fully on the Baby!Jack train, but he does deserve a normal life. He's three years old technically. He had no normal life whatsoever. He deserves that. So, give him that.

More Rowena please!

That's it. She's awesome.

Have a wedding.

No, really. Someone's gotta get married. Our pick: Sam and Eileen. Charlie is also a good contender for having a wedding with her partner, too. So there. Weddings are happy. We want a happy ending.

I will reiterate. Team free will lives. That's it.

Okay. Now, moving on to the next part of this. The elephant in the room. The thing a lot of us actually want from this, but frankly, we aren't sure if you'll do it.

Explicit Destiel.

If you've read this far J2M, then you're probably wondering when this was going to be addressed. So, here are the stipulations on destiel.

Go big or go home.

Yep. We said it. Make it explicit, full out, no ambiguity.

Honestly, you might be thinking what you could do to make it explicitly canon? Well, since there were tons of people who still think Cas’ love confession was just a platonic exchange between two bros (like wtf? How?), you're gonna have to spell it out for people.

But, some things that we may perceive as romantic, some people may not.

--Like, holding hands could be considered platonic between two men to some people.

--Cheek kissing could also be considered platonic to some people.

Not to say we need Jensen and Misha doing full on *** scenes to prove anything, but something more than a hand hold. Okay? Okay.

What we’re saying is basically, you're gonna have to kiss. On the lips. Yep.

So...I guess you'll have to figure out how you want to do that.

On when to make it canon:

You can decide if it makes sense to make it canon towards the beginning or towards the end. Honestly, there could be an argument for either. If it's made canon earlier, you could prove there can be a relationship alongside the main storyline. If you wait until the end, you'll leave fans wondering if you'll actually do it. But, the kiss being the major event of the finale could be worth it. Whichever you do, remember there are upsides and downsides to both.

Other other considerations:

Just realize who your fanbase is now. We’ve grown and changed. Like Becky, your fans have gone through a huge change in what they want from the show. Is the fandom all on the same page? Nope. Will they ever be? No.

You will not please everyone. That's a given. But, a lot of fans want to see the show wrap up in a better way than what we got. Destiel fans aside, the finale was not great overall. There are plenty of negative finale reviews that have nothing to do with destiel.

On top of that, society is changing. Slowly. The attitudes in regards to lgbtq media is quite different than before. You have the chance to make history. Really. If you make this canon, that will be a part of your legacy. You'll hit the news. I mean, 15x18 wasn't even the finale and it trended #1 that day.

We suggest that if you do decide to make it canon, it’s meaningful and you take the time to do it right.

So, consider your fans. Consider the part of the fandom that trended your show over the election. Consider the fans that trended a fictional wedding on Valentine's Day. Consider Misha/Cas fans who felt slighted. Consider your LGBTQA + fans. Just, think about what the reboot could achieve. What it could mean to a lot of people.

As always, we just want happiness and peace when we are done.

Thanks for reading Misha J2M.

Sincerely,

Bee 🐝 and Jay 🐦

#supernatural #destiel #castiel #spn #deancas #dean x castiel #misha collins

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I know we are all discussing the latest episode of Season 16, but I need to wrap up 11 for my own sanity (because there is a LOT to discuss in my Season 12 rewatch already), so without further ado - more rambling for you.

I’m not going to include 11x20: Don’t Call Me Shurley because I think I’d like to do an entire Chuck - arc - series.  Rob Benedict is a gift; that dad mug kills; and I love that the fan theories about Chuck spinning around this fandom for years turned out to be correct after all (WEIRD HOW THAT HAPPENS WITH CHARACTERS EH).  Moving on.

As you will recall, two recaps and many many many crackhead other posts from my corner of super hell ago, I ended the 11x18 recap with this image of Amara realizing...”something” after Dean said Cas’s name (just before she took Casifer with her), Dean/Amara unbreakable connection be damned. Speaking of unbreakable connection this post is partially the AMARA DISSERTATION.  Buckle up.

FF to 11x21: All in the Family; the boys are shooting the shit with Chuck and in the meantime, Amara is torturing Casifer.  Important to note that just recently the actual Cas was enlightened that Dean wants him to cast Lucifer out, so I presume he is a little more active at this point, and that strengthens the following hypothesis.  Look how Amara is looking at Casifer here:

And here, right before she touches him on the chest.

It’s the same look she gave Dean. She’s trying to decipher something; trying to figure something out. 

She appears to Dean in the VERY next scene, to show him how she is torturing Casifer.  But the real point is, of course, to show him how its affecting the physical form of Cas, reminding him its not just Lucifer who is suffering.  It works.  

DEAN 

Amara is – she's in my head. [Sam looks at him sharply] Hey, I didn't ask for it, okay? She just showed up. But she's showing me visions of – of Lucifer. By Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap – like she's really doing a number on him.

***Note, yet again, despite the *connection* Amara/Dean supposedly share, all he can think about and talk about is Cas.

And Amara knows it.  That’s the realization she has in 11x18.  Dean loves Cas.  Then, in 11x21 she realizes Cas loves Dean.  So, she uses it to her own ends.  Smart girl.  

Enter Donatello (I love him), prophet of (not) the Lord.  He, Metatron, and Sam set out to rescue Casifer while Dean distracts Amara.  If we start with the presumption she now has the prior additional insight, the following snippets of dialogue hit a little different.

AMARA

This place, this world hasn't been especially easy for you. Why not at least consider my offer?

*********

DEAN

You're right. I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.

AMARA

Then why fight it? What you're feeling is that I am the end of your struggle. 

***AHEM, this was not the FACE CUPPING I requested.

What keeps Dean from having it all?  What is his struggle?  It’s not the monsters or the hunting.  Dean’s repeatedly shown he loves this life; he doesn't want anything else (and the one time he did try it in Season 6, it was half-ass at best, and he left the minute Sam returned to go back to hunting).  Dean’s KEY struggle in the show is internal.  He represses his feelings, pushes his pain aside, resulting in a cycle of self-loathing and anger.  That cycle keeps him from having it all - accepting he can be loved, allowing himself to give his heart to someone else.  And at this point, Amara not only knows that someone else is Cas, she knows that Cas feels the same way.  Girl, welcome to super hell.  Take a damn seat by Sam.

11x22: We Happy Few

I’ll skim through this one so this post doesn’t completely make your eyes bleed due to the sheer length.  

The splicing with the scenes of everyone assembling different factions to form the new “line-up” needed to trap Amara is excellent. I’ve already done a short post on the brilliance of Dean heading to get Crowley and the ex-boyfriend mood of it all (Dean, of all people, telling Crowley to sober up gives me an ENTIRE head canon of the Crowley/demon!Dean unseen dynamic in Season 10).   And of COURSE Dean knows exactly what to say to convince Crowley to get on board. I also enjoy our future Sam-witch as the emissary to Rowena (”three’s a coven” would be a great tattoo, TBH).

BONUS:

I love her.

Big fight scene with Amara ensues, but this isn’t the finale so she cannot be beaten.  However, right before she mortally wounds Chuck, she does this:

[Yelling, LUCIFER charges her from behind again, but AMARA flings him hard against a support pillar across the room.]

AMARA

Goodbye, nephew.

[She banishes LUCIFER. CASTIEL slumps unconscious to the floor.]

DEAN: Cas! 

(He rushes AMARA, but she flings him away without effort.)

***She banishes Lucifer.  She could have just killed him.  Ended him entirely, and Cas along with him.  But she BANISHES LUCIFER.  Because of what she learned in the prior episode.  Because of the pain she saw in both of those idiots.

She does this for Dean.

Anyway, thank you Casifer FOR YOUR SERVICE.  I miss you already.

11x23: Alpha and Omega

There is nothing more precious than Dean sending his brother to check on GOD while he goes to check on his boyfriend:

DEAN: [Grunting]

Check on him.

SAM: [kneels next to Chuck]

Hey. Chuck?

[Dean kneels down next to Cas and puts a hand on his shoulder. Cas stirs and looks up at Dean]

CAS:

Dean.

DEAN:

Cas? Hey, is that you?

***All the heart eyes for the reunion!!

*********ALSO SHOULDERRRRRRRR

Chuck is dying, Rowena bonds with him.  Crowley is gold in this finale.  I MISS YOU MARK.  This line is NOT in the transcript/script I used, and it potentially being ad libbed makes it even better.

Dean decides to deal with the end of the world by drinking ONE beer, then deciding there is “not enough” beer and grabbing Cas for a beer (and....*feelings*) run.

DEAN:

You know what? This isn't gonna be enough. I better make a run.

[Sighs]

No reason to die sober, huh?

[to Sam]

You want to?

SAM: [frustrated] 

No!

*********************

DEAN:

Be right back.

SAM:

I'll stay here, find our Plan B.

DEAN:

Okay. Cas, come on.

Nothing makes me more pleased than the assumption that of COURSE Cas is coming with him.  I mean, he just got him back.  Also, Sam is frustrated because he is back in super hell, obvi ;)   

***Now we have the little “you’re our brother” bit in the Impala beer run dialogue, but to me it’s because Dean doesn’t know how else to express what he’s feeling.  Repression, people.  

The look of literal PAIN on Cas’s face at the “brother” line makes me cackle.  Misha Collins DESERVES AN EMMY; he is doing the Lord’s work with his Acting Choices here.

This little part before is what really gets me though, especially with all of the WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:

[Dean and Cas are driving in the Impala]

DEAN:

How you doing? You good?

I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing.

CAS:

I was just... so stupid.

DEAN:

No, no, no. It wasn't stupid.

You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun.

Me and Sam wouldn't have done that.

CAS:

Well, it didn't work.

DEAN:

No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.

CAS:

I was just trying to help.

DEAN:

Well, and you do help, Cas.

***ITS JUST SO LOVELY.  Dean asking Cas how he is doing (what Cas always asks Dean); telling Cas he wasn’t stupid (throwback to Cas telling Dean he was stupid “for the right reasons”); acknowledging that Cas does HELP.  That he is important and appreciated.  THIS IS SUCH GROWTH.  I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Speak his love language, King.

Anyway, then Dean turns into a human bomb because martyr!dean gonna martyr and be “daddy’s (Chuck filling that role here) blunt little weapon” and we get -

THE DESTIEL GOODBYE. Tell me they didn’t actually go canon for the FIRST time here.  I will fight you.

LOOK at Cas watching him in the background. 

These fucking desolate eyes. I’m crying.

THEY JUST GOT EACH OTHER BACK -  

(I recognize this .gif is meh quality but I love that he turns and walks to him and Cas just GRABS him in this crushing hug)

DEAN [accepts the hug good-naturedly but then looks sad]

Okay, okay.

***”good naturedly??? ok Jensen “Acting Choices” Ackles. That is not “good nature” that is BLISS.

AND THEN THIS -

SOBS IN ENOCHIAN.

***I literally had to remind myself that the reunion hug is coming; it’s just an episode away.  I’ll make y’all feel better too; here it is - A PERFECT PARALLEL. Curse this show.

MORE OF THIS “GOOD NATURED” HUGGING PLEASE.

Anyways, back to depressing subtext.  

DEAN:

Okay, look. I want a big funeral.

All right? I'm talking epic.

Okay? Open bar, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy.

*****This scene lives in my mind rent-free as PROOF 15x20 doesn’t exist.

I can’t skip over further growth in Dean’s goodbye to Sammy.

***He’s being serious. Seasons 1-3 Dean would never have admitted this.  I was a blubbering mess at this point.

So, Dean heads to Amara, and the rest of the gang heads to the bar.

CROWLEY:

Your round, Moose.

***I would love an entire bottle episode of Crowley, Sam, Rowena, and Chuck at that bar TBH.

And then, Dean saves the day.  BUT NOT by dying and sacrificing himself, letting himself be used as a weapon of mass destruction.  No, he fixes the DAMN WORLD by connecting to Amara emotionally, and bringing her and Chuck back together, because he understands that not to be alone is what she really needs; that her own struggle is the same as his - letting in love instead of raging against it and fighting her own need for companionship.   Because that’s where ELDEST SIBLING AMARA AND Dean Winchester CONNECT.  Amara isn’t in love with Dean.  She identifies with Dean.  She sees her own feelings in him, her own pain, and that’s why she exorcises Lucifer and saves Cas - FOR Dean.  Amara’s just a Dean girl, everyone.   And we know Dean girls protect Cas at all costs.

Yup.  Amara Dean Girl Darkness Heller.  

That’s it.  That’s the dissertation.

See you in Season 12, where I will attempt to figure out the reason behind the British Men of Letters, killing Hitler, the brain melt that is Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, the comedy of errors that is Cas playing Dean hot and cold, and the Mary Winchester of it all. 

#destiel #spn analysis #spn meta #supernatural #spn family #spn fandom #spn season 11 #amara #spn recap #dean winchester

[phynali]

more spn discussions, just skip this post y’all

 @queerbluebird​ thanks so much for engaging with my post/reply! i really enjoyed reading your response and i have a long reply here.

i’m responding to your post/reply here rather than reblogging it because honestly that thread is - so long. so very long. 

so first - 

i agree there is a difference between entitlement and what i would call, not promise, but instead “narrative follow-through”. A story that completely lacks narrative follow-through does end up feeling disappointing, or frustrating, or rage-inducing, depending on what’s happened. to me there’s a fundamental difference between critiquing a story based on follow-through and bad storytelling (which your post aims to do), versus say, creating hashtag campaigns about a character being silenced because and spreading conspiracy theories about a bad dub (among other things honestly).

and also - queerbaiting totally sucks, we definitely do agree on that.

where we disagree, i think are these two core points:

i do not see the narrative build-up that demands a follow-through. i do not see supernatural as having built up to the story that many destiel shippers seem to think was there, and no one has ever been able to point out to me any actual textual reasons that do craft that narrative build-up  

i fundamentally do not believe that destiel was ever a queerbait. queerbait involves active intent on the part of creators to tease a ship or queer representation in order to draw in $ from queer audiences without ever making it canon, so as not to alienate straight audiences. so, refering to point 1., i do not see the canon text as having laid the groundwork for a queerbait and those romantic tropes, at least not at any point in the past 7 years. and beyond the canon, the writers and producers and jensen ackles all indicated dean was straight, and that they were not writing a romance. if anyone queerbaited the fans, it was misha collins who kept teasing the possibility, and personally i would argue that was irresponsible of him. but that’s a different discussion altogether and tends to piss people off when it’s framed as such, because misha means a lot to them and it hurts to see the man who validated their feelings get criticized for the manner in which he validated them. so i’m gonna leave that aside.

beyond that, I want to engage with some of your specific quotes:

Supernatural loves to say “wait for it.” And I don’t think it’s entitled to feel betrayed if an author uses their story to say “wait for it” in order to convince you to stick with their story and then delivers the opposite after you do.

May i ask, where was the “wait for it” with destiel? this ties in directly to the queerbaiting. i indicated in my post/reply that while i see it from cas, there’s been little to no hint of any reciprocation of feelings from dean, and if anything the past 7 or so years have driven the point home that it isn’t happening. i personally am not able to see the “Wait for it” and that was the point of my question. without the “Wait for it”, i also can’t see the queerbait. 

I asked for specifics and while i totally get not having the spoons, you provided a few:

(off the top of my head for Dean though, the mixtape, his response to Cas’ death at the end of 12, subsequent grief arc, and reaction to Cas’ return in the front half of 13 rank highly. His reaction to Lucifer’s prank call in 15x19 might rate, but maybe just because it’s so recent.)

not trying to be unkind here, but i quite genuinely don’t see any of these examples as framing cas and dean in a romantic light, or as hinting at a “what if”. the mixtape is like.... okay, maybe. i had read that as being symbolic of something else, but i can see wanting to read it from a shipping lens. (i don’t however think i’d read it as baiting or “what if” - it was quite textually not framed that way. shipping, 100%, but canon build-up, not for me).

for the other examples -- grieving for someone you consider family? and being happy when they come back? that’s not shippy to me. i mean - contrast the grief he showed over cas’s death compared to his grief over, say, mary? or, less extreme, charlie? and nothing compared to how off the rails he goes when sam is dead or he thinks sam is. so i -- i just can’t see those as creating a narrative that demands a follow-through. and when your friend who is dead calls your phone? of course you hop to the door - i don’t know what is romantic about that. sam would’ve hopped just as quick if “cass” had called his phone instead.

and look - i see what is fun to ship about all that. if i shipped it, i’d be happily collecting these moments with a smile and grinning to myself about how cute they are and much they mean. but shipping it vs. it being romantically framed in the canon are two fundamentally different things. shipping doesn’t imply narrative buy-in or deliberation from the creator.

moving on, you also spoke at length about 15x18:

15x18 made the sort of statement that drew back even people who did exactly what OP said they should do, turning off the TV years ago. It wasn’t a quiet “if you’re still watching, keep waiting,” so much as a shouted “hey we’re gonna do this thing, watch this!”

i guess destiel fans vs. those of us who don’t ship it really see this as fundamentally different. because you discuss that moment as one which requires follow-through, and say that if this were heteronormative m/f love declaration, there would be that expectation of follow-through. not necessarily reciprocity, but more - more conversation, more acknowledgment, more something.

(i mean - if there was more, but that more was “hey i love you too but only platonically, sorry man” would that be better?)

but no - i actually just... disagree with your point on that front. i can see why you feel the way you do and i acknowledge that it can be read as the start of a conversation. to me though -- and clearly, now that the finale is out, how the writers saw it -- that was actually the end of a conversation. the end of, like you pointed out, 12 years. a 12-year conversation that ends in a gorgeous declaration of love, and specifically how love isn’t about being together, it’s simply about being - it’s about the fact that you love someone, and that feeling alone is the most beautiful thing in existence.

to me, that declaration can only be written and interpreted as an ending.  a sacrifice, a declaration, and a goodbye. so - while i kind of expected seeing more people in episode 20 and realize that didn’t happen largely due to covid - i’m not disappointed we didn’t see cas, because that culmination of his narrative (and then knowing he was with jack, after, rebuilding the heaven that he rebelled against and finally completing his narrative circle by fixing all the problems with it alongside the good god he sought to find all along) is kind of perfect. 

and i genuinely don’t think if cas was in a female vessel this entire time that that would change. maybe some audience members would feel differently, but i think many of us would see it for the end it was nonetheless. there’s plenty of stories with m/f ships that are one-sided and that character sacrifices themselves for the person they love, so i don’t see why this would be any different (except the bury your gays issue, but that’s a whole other and very real conversation about media tropes).

moving on to the series finale.

As many people have pointed out in praise of 15x20, Sam is the absolute most important thing in Dean’s life, his priority above anything and everything… And yet there, at the actual end of the world, Dean ignores Sam’s call and instead cries over the loss of Castiel. Dean’s loss of Castiel plays in tandem with the loss of literally the whole world. But we’re not to take that as a promise that Castiel means more to this story, or to Dean, than a couple seconds of wistfulness after the dust settles?

I... yeah. i don’t see what this even is arguing. that dean taking a minute to himself to grieve his best friend, who just died in part because dean decided to go hunt down billie (who was literally dying anyway). he’s hurting. there’s nothing about this that’s a promise - it’s an end. it’s grief. it’s the horror of losing someone you care about, and the silence that comes after. it’s fundamentally human in it’s pain. and we, the audience, are invited to grieve with dean.

so I mean - of course cas means more to this story. of course he’s meant more than a few seconds of grief, after 12 years. but just because that’s the last time we see him on screen doesn’t mean we don’t value his story, and celebrate how it too came full circle.

You mention cas as a sort of avatar for a different potential ending for the brothers, and highlight him representing:

An ending where higher powers stop yanking them around and they get to actually live in the life they’ve built for themselves.

So while i never considered cas an avatar for that, i do think we all wanted the brothers to have their freedom. “finally free.” so we can agree on wanting that end. but we disagree on whether it was delivered, i guess? because i feel it was.

you also talk about what you and many other fans conceivably wanted a happier ending to look like. can i -- i’m going to be totally honest. i have not seen a single person who’s critiquing the end saying “i just wanted sam and dean to grow old hunting together with their dog until they retire together and die of old age.”

would that be satisfying to those who are mad about the end? i personally don’t think so, but maybe my opinion is being coloured by the most vitriolic fans i’ve seen. if sam and dean got to have the life they wanted free of chuck, and dean didn’t die, and they kept going (or retired and opened a bar together!). maybe sam still had a kid, but again because romance wasn’t the point, the wife wasn’t important and they left her blurry still so we could interpret ourselves if she was a wife or a co-parent or a surrogate or what. maybe dean has a kid too, with a similar question-mark-wife. maybe we get a few images of them having a holiday with jodie and the girls. and then getting to heaven together in old age, greeting bobby with a beer, and going for a drive.

would that be an end that wouldn’t cause fandom uproar? i would enjoy it, soft an slightly discordant as it would be to me. i prefer the ending we got, bittersweet and heartbreaking though it was, but i wouldn’t be taking to social media to yell about it if we got a softer epilogue, so to speak.

on the other hand... would that still not be enough, at least not for so many of the angry fans? i’m genuinely unsure. it seems to me that so much of the ire is about destiel itself, even if people are pretending it’s about more and other things than that. not everyone, but like, a big portion of them. which leads me to believe that nothing short of dean and cas at least interpretable as together is what they wanted. if every other single thing about the existing finale was the same except that cas was the one to greet dean instead of bobby, and even with the same basic dialogue, without discussing the confession, but they have a lingering smile, and dean leaves to drive and wait for sam with the promise he’ll see cas later - 

if everything else stayed the same except who greeted dean, i genuinely don’t believe i’d be seeing almost any critique of the finale on my dash. maybe i’m cynical, but that’s where i’m at.

which is part of why i really struggle to believe that people are engaging in good faith when they critique the finale. because i feel like if it offered them either a) everything they’re purportedly asking for but still no cas and zero hint of destiel, vs. b) every other thing they claim to hate stays the same except there’s a wink and nod to destiel - i believe they would take the wink and nod. 

   On to some other things you raised:

But how can you know to walk away from a tragedy if the tragedy says “the end won’t be a tragedy, keep watching” right up until it ends in tragedy?

Oh i Get this. I hate thinking i’m consuming fun media only for it to rip my heart out at the end. i’ve literally - well, i’ve had a very unpleasant and distressing experience of this, actually. so i get it. also the opposite: i sometimes feel disappointed when i’m consuming media that is gripping and intense and painful, but then the end is too easy, too soft and happy?

BUT - supernatural never pretended it would have a happy end? the end was so. much. happier. than i ever expected. the Swan Song end was going to have Sam in hell being tortured by lucifer for eternity. according to something i read which i am fundamentally too lazy to link because who knows if it would have turned out this way but -- kripke was apparently going to have Dean jump in the cage with him at that end, if the series ended on S5? the ‘horror’ ending. completely devastating sacrifice for mankind (sam), and completely devastating sacrifice for his brother (dean). just -- oof. even if that wasn’t the plan and the series would’ve ended as the episode did - sam was still in the cage and cas was off waging war in heaven and dean was living every day knowing he was alive and his brother was being tortured.

i’m sorry if you thought you were watching a happier show. i know how much that hurts. that doesn’t mean the story was actually that happy though. sometimes, it’s on us as consumers to acknowledge we were misreading the media. i’ve had to do this. it’s hard, it hurts, but it helps you consume things healthier. i’ve had to do this growing recently, and i’m better off for it.

regarding the specific manner of dean’s death - that’s really not what my post was about and i’m not gonna address it here. i’ve talked about it elsewhere and so have others, and @lovetincture‘s original post spelled it out beautifully, in how human it was. i have feelings on how and why i loved dean’s death, and why it was the absolute opposite of what Chuck’s ending was and what he wanted (no blaze of glory), but i’ll leave those for another time.

They cast aside all the relationships they’ve built. [...] They lost/walked away from the life and home they built in the bunker. Dean got a season 1 death. Sam got a season 1 life.

I feel that there is a very huge difference between regression and progression when it comes to cyclical storytelling. And that difference seems to be missing from the ongoing discussions i’ve seen about this in fandom.

Coming full circle to season 1 does not at all mean that the development is ‘undone’ or that the story has regressed or that anything has been lost or destroyed. It can mean that, if the storyteller doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing, but in this case i don’t (personally) feel it’s a fair critique.

Dean’s death might parallel his s1 not-quite death from Faith, but the s15 result of that death is night and day. Dean is no longer alone. Dean does not go up to a lonely heaven filled with bittersweet memories, where even his canonical soulmate and him have wide gulfs between the memories they fill their shared heaven with. Dean dies a hunter, but he dies a hunter who literally saved earth and changed heaven and gets to spend eternity with his brother, side-by-side and together without all the pain and miscommunication, and he gets to see his family and loved ones too. he died having literally made the world so much better.

even without that though?

his story comes full circle, but dean’s character development isn’t about his death, it’s about the fact that in the first several seasons dean could hardly admit he cared without acting like his teeth were being pulled. he was too afraid of abandonment to ask for someone to be by his side. he was too afraid of rejection to let anyone in. and in the end? he asks sam to stay. he tells him that he loves him. he pours his heart out and says all the things that 15 years ago were stoppered in his throat, words trying and failing to claw their way free but his hurt and fears were too deep.

dean is free.

the point of dean’s story coming full circle to season 1 parallels was specifically to highlight this incredible development, not to undermine it. he is different. he is free. 

god it makes me tear up just thinking about how happy i am for him despite how gutted i was by that scene??

(i could write a similar analysis for sam, about how he left for stanford to escape his life and how his finale life montage bits were the opposite of that, but honestly this post is long enough already).

Destiel is loosely a part of that promise in the sense that Castiel is a part of that promise. The symbol of free will

You make a super interesting argument about Cas being a symbol of free will. I don’t have much to say about it, because I’m gonna mull it over, because I think it’s kinda cool and I’ve never thought about it.

That’s - all i’ve got. thanks again for engaging. i’m happy to continue the convo if you have questions or want to reblog/reply 

(though my followers might hate me omg, i’ve been spamming long spn meta posts for weeks now, it’s just been so confronting to see the ongoing fan reaction on twitter and how divided it is...)

#spn meta #supernatural #supernatural meta #spn #fandom discussions #uhhh what do y'all want me to tag this #it's not wank? #it's an open discussion which i like a lot #hmmm #discourse #i'll just go with that #destiel #kind of #this won't show up in the ship tag because that's not in the first 5 tags so i'm safe i hope #don't wanna be a dick and put this in the ship tag #long post #long post for ts #sorry if there are typos it is almost midnight and i am sleepy

[amwritingmeta]

‘Tis the season to Be Jolly, Falalalala and Give Away!!

Hello, lovelies!

Guess what day it is? It’s GIVE AWAY DAYYYY! (well yes obviously because already stated) (but also) It is my BIRTHDAYYYY! And what’s more fun to do on your birthday than give shit away to the people who enrich your life? NOTHING!

Alright, here we go, here are the things you could get your hands on if you reblog or like this post. Yes, that’s right, both options are... optional.

So I’m planning to do this Give Away by hand. That’s is right - by hand. Meaning I shall write down each and every one of you on a piece of paper and put you in a bag and twirl you around and draw names out of that bag.

Simple Rules:

Heart this post --> I write your name once and it goes in the bag on one piece of paper

Reblog --> I write your name three times and your name goes in the bag on three separate pieces of paper

(yes, if you heart this post AND reblog that means your name goes on four separate pieces of paper)

Pay It Forward

If you spot something you think someone you love (or have a secret crush on and you want to tell them using colourful things and your SPN obsession) would absolutely adore, if you’re selected the winner I’ll give you the option to Pay it Forward and your loved one (or secret crush) might find themselves the sudden owner of Awesome Shiny New Things. (aw yiss) More details on the bottom of this post, my peeps!

Ready for the things you could get your (or someone you love or have a secret crush on’s) lovely hands on? Here we go!

1. Dean Lean Fighting Machine (with the biggest heart)

Items one journal (Things I Can’t Say Out Loud) (this journal will make you dig down deep) (only an option for those ready for this) (you’re ready for it) (it’s awesome) (because you get to fill the Wild West themed journal with your thoughts and emotions using an awesome horse pencil). There’s also a Go Fish card game because, you know, Dean secretly harbours a yearning to go fish. The Wizard of Oz ref speaks for itself, right? (somewhere over the rainbow) (and all that) ;)

2. Multi-Coloured Survival Kit

If you want to go through life without unicorns, I’m not going to judge, but they make everything better, so I would seriously consider hitting the reblog button simply for this option. Colouring book (with loads of amazing quotes btw), tote bag in a bag, lip balm (LIP BALM with a UNICORN on it) and playing cards for those quiet moments in the shared motel room. What more could you ask for? (Misha riding a unicorn with Jensen behind him?) (well I’ve seen that gif so...)

3. Make Things Write

Are you an angel? Were you an angel in a past life? Well then, here’s the perfect writing kit for you! A lovely silver hardback notebook with angels on the front and the Heavenly light shining on two figures waiting to be let into their mutual forever, accompanied by a crimson red feather pen with a gilt tip. That’s right. A gilt tip, y’all!

4. Wish for This?

The lovely Rachel Miner did her awesome Be the Clarence You Want to See in the World campaign in the summer and if you missed it, here’s your chance to get your sweet paws on some lovely and supportive merc. This T-shirt is a size M. There’s also a bracelet from Misha Collins’ I Wish For This campaign and never forget about the Pay It Forward option! (I will ship to anywhere in the woooooorld!) (free of charge of course)

5. GISHWHES ME, BABY

Or Misha Me, Baby -- whichever you prefer. A lovely GISHWHES traveling case and an I Wish For This bracelet. This case is bigger than it looks and perfectly awesome. (yes I bought one for myself as well)

6. Do You Believe In Magic?

If not (you should) this Unicorn Quotes Booklet will entice you to believe and gallop around your neeeeeigh-bourhood (okay I’m worried now) (but if you do - please send pictures). There is also one of those fabulous I Wish For This bracelets. (yeah I fell in love with them)

7. Guess the Episode!

Okay, so I would have loved for you to name the scene when Dean digs around in a Hello Kitty bag, because it is so damn fantastic, but I’m not going to do that. Bonus if you CAN name it, though! This is totally related to an episode anyway, and there’s a small surprise inside. (it’s a tiny wooden Knots-and-Crosses game) (it has yellow flowers) (and red hearts) (shhhhhh)

8. Merchandiiiiiiiise

So this lovely Supernatural merc was brought over from the States by the wonderful @tinkdw (thank you, my dear) and it’s a gorgeous choker necklace and a kickass keychain and yah, you want it? Come and get it! :P

9. I Like Emoticons

Okay, so this book doesn’t actually literally pertain to Cas because this yellow smiley isn’t technically an emoticon - it’s an emoji - but I couldn’t resist it with that pink background. Hot pink. Dean pink. And rainbow markers because we all need rainbows in our lives and especially to mark things. In rainbow. :)

10. Colour Me Happy

You know you want to. You know you want to go to town on this Supernatural colouring book. Go to town in all the colours of the universe and, as you frantically fill them boys in with all the hope, you think: Live, Be Happy, Breathe, Feel Content, There Is Peace - For You Are Done! (too final?) (sorry!) --> you’ll think encouragingly Carry On My Wayward Sons!!

And that’s all that’s on offer, folks!

Winners

Will be drawn and announced on January 4th, 2018

Will be selected by Old School Draw Out of Bag By Hand

It’s First Drawn, First Serve

100 names will be drawn for the 10 prizes. 10 names per prize. (if I generate that much interest...) (*screaming ghost face emoji*)

The winner has 24 hours to Claim Their Prize or the chance to Claim a Prize will be passed to the next name on the Winner List for that specific prize

Pay It Forward

If you win and you absolutely do not win what you’d like to have for yourself, but you do win a prize that you feel would brighten up the day and be a perfect fit for someone you know, you can put into motion the Pay It Forward option. All you have to do is give me your friend’s or family member’s address (or secret crush’s address) and I shall mail the gift there for you with a note to explain what the heck it is an why they’re getting it. :P

And let me restate: if you win I will send you the items free of charge. Of course!

To every single one of my Followers: I love you, you are awesome, and I would make this exclusively for you if I believed in coercing people into following me by dangling bait in front of their eyes. But I don’t. This Give Away is open to all. Like and reblog - that’s it. But if you follow my blog, know that you’re the reason I am even doing this at all. You inspire me to stay on tumblr. You make me want to write meta and post it. You lovelies are what makes this whole experience so amazing and worth while and fun and engaging. I love you!! Happy Holidays! 

And to all - a good night. ;)

PLEASE NOTE: This GiveAway is from Christmas of 2017 and is closed. 😊❤️

#give away #follower appreciation #open to all #idk how to tag this #I hope these items will be of interest #if I get three peeps involved heyyyyy #more the merry for youuuu #;) #I am at home for Christmas and #my parents have fed me wine and #I'm not entirely not wine-y #it's my birthday #I have a good excuse #I think... #okay I'll probably retag this tomorrow #how the fuck do I tag this?? #ily

[thing-you-do-with-that-thing]

Her Last Goodbye

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Y/N Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Jensen and Y/N’s families mentioned.  

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Character death -  aside from that I will list the warnings in the tags since I don’t want to give anything away.      

Word Count: 2300ish

A/N: Hey guys welcome to SPN Angst Appreciation Day 2017 - I hope y’all are ready to cry. As one of your hosts I thought it was my duty to do my best to make sure you go to bed with puffy eyes tonight so I am posting 3 brand new one shots in honor of this day. This is number 3.

It is also written for @impalaimagining Angst Challenge - My prompt was Kodaline’s All I Want.

Thanks a billion to my sassy lil sis @mysupernaturalfics for betaing angst for me

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***  

Jensen closed the door after practically having had to shove Jared through it. Being his best friend, he hadn’t wanted to leave. Jared didn’t like Jensen being alone, but damn he needed it. All Jensen could think about while the house was buzzing around him was to be alone. He didn’t feel a damn thing when people walked up to him, offering their condolences. The last time the house was this full stuck on his mind.

Jensen had rolled his eyes at her, offering up one expensive venue after another. He wanted her to have it all, but Y/N had refused. She wanted them to get married at the small church they went to every Sunday when he was at home and she wanted the reception to be at home. Finally Jensen had caved and Y/N had, had the wedding her way. Off course she had been right. It had been perfect, small and intimate. It had fit them better than the extravagant wedding Jensen had wanted to give her.

Jensen didn’t see the darkly dressed people in his living room. Not really anyway. He saw her and the way she spun around the floor dancing and laughing with everyone from his dad, her dad, his brother to Jared and Misha. Jensen loved watching her from afar and he had done so from the longest of times until he finally made his way across the floor, when the music changed to a slower tune, laying a gentle hand on Misha’s arm.

“Can I cut in?” Jensen asked and Misha instantly nodded, giving his friend a tight hug before leaving the floor.

“I thought you’d forgotten about me,” Y/N teased as Jensen pulled her close, slowly swaying to the music and Jensen tenderly pressed his lips against hers. He loved how perfectly she fit in his arms and the way she would always lean into his touch. He smiled down at her, and his heart almost stopped. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. Y/N was practically glowing as she looked up at him. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her this happy and in that moment he vowed he would do everything within his power to keep her like this forever.

“I could never forget about you,” he promised, making her face light up in the brightest of smiles before he made her squeal with laughter as he spun her around the room, dipping her to the floor and kissing her again.  

“I could never forget about you,” those words rung over and over in Jensen’s head as soon as the door closed behind Jared. For the first time in a week, he was truly alone. The past few days someone had stayed over. If not his mom, then Y/N’s, McKenzie or Jared. It was as if everyone had agreed never to leave him alone and it had taken Jensen almost screaming at his best friend to leave him now, when it was all over.

The silence was deafening now and he almost tore the door back open, screaming for Jared to come back, but he couldn’t. This was something he was going to have to go through. He took a deep breath before walking through the house that seemed to be filled with bad memories now.

The living room where she had dropped a vase out of the blue for no reason for the first time, the kitchen where she had cut herself and screamed at him she needed to be able to atleast do some things on her own, when he had tried to help her, the bathroom where she had fallen in the shower and Jensen had to lift her off the floor and carry her back to bed, only a few weeks ago. The bedroom where he had held her as she cried after that incident and the first time she had expressed to him a wish to leave this world on her own terms. It had scared the shit out of him and he had refused to talk about it. Something he had regretted every moment for the past week. If he had only listened to her that night, maybe she would still be here. Maybe he wouldn’t have found her lifeless in their bed with the open bottle of pills on the night table. Maybe at the very least he could have been with her, she wouldn’t have had to go on her own.

The blame and guilt had been overwhelming over the past few days and it had been all he had been able to focus on. Had he just listened, taken her serious. Told her that he wanted her and loved her. Told her that no matter what was going to happen he would never leave her, he would always be there for her, loving her every step of the way. Had he just spoken up, maybe his wife would still be alive and waiting for him in their bed.

Jensen felt his legs give out from under him as he reached their bedroom, his knees hitting their the floor as the room came into vision. The bed was big and empty, but he could still see her lying there. He could still remember how cold she had felt when he had clung to her, screaming out her name, begging for her to come back. Begging for her not to leave him. He gasped for air, struggling to breath properly as he tried replace that memory with a happy one in his mind, but even than hurt.

Y/N squealed when Jensen pulled her back in bed, instantly rolling over her and pinning her beneath him as his lips trailed down her neck.

“Jay!! I am meeting with Mac and Gen in a few hours,” she laughed, struggling halfheartedly beneath him.

“You’re newly wed. You’re allowed to be late,” Jensen teased, hating that the honeymoon had ended. They hadn’t been back home for more than a few days and he already missed staying in bed with her all day. Their friends and family wanted to see tham and all Jensen wanted was to be with her. Touching, kissing, talking. He wanted her to never leave his arms, but Y/N had other plans.

He had always been completely under her spell. Even as friends when they were both seeing other people, there had never been anything he wouldn’t do for her. She had always been his first priority even if it had taken him years and failed relationships to realize that. He still remembered the surprised look on her face when he had finally grown the balls to ask her out, he still remembered how nervous he had been the entire day before picking her up. The first kiss and how everything seemed to fall into place as their lips met. She had given herself to him that night and from that moment on he had never let her go. Dating had turned into engagement. Engagement to marriage and Jensen had never been happier than he was holding her, kissing her, touching her. She was his entire would and he was happy to let the outside fade away for a few more days, staying hidden away from reality with her in his arms.

Jensen growled when she finally managed to slip out from under him, but his annoyance was sort lasted. Y/N didn’t bother to get dressed, instead her hips swayed as she showed off her soft, very naked body to him, turning around in the bathroom door, crooking her finger at him and Jensen was out of bed so fast his head was spinning.

Jensen would never have that again. He would never feel her soft, warm body moving beneath him. He would never wake up in the middle of the night, feeling happy and content as she snuggled closer to him in her sleep, practically lying on top of him. He had never loved anyone the way that he loved her. She had been his best friend and the love of his life. They had wanted a family together, a dream that had been shattered instantly when the doctor’s had made their diagnoses. ALS. Y/N didn’t have more than a few years left and even if a baby was technically possible, Y/N had refused. She didn’t wanna leave her kid without a mom and Jensen had respected her wishes. All he wanted was her after all and he had never stopped looking for a treatment. He had never stopped talking to doctors all over the world fighting to find some miracle cure, he deep down knew didn’t exist.   

Y/N had wanted to live as normal as possible and she didn’t take about the disease much. Jensen brought her with him to Vancouver to shoot as often as possible and Y/N gave him that, knowing it was his way of spending as much of the time they had left together. He had no doubt in his mind this was eating at her as much as it was him. She lost everything she had ever wanted or dreamed about with one doctor’s appointment. A doctor’s appointment Jensen had forced her to go to in the first place, because even though she had always been clumsy she falling and the bruises were getting out of hand.

She had been quiet for a few days after, before announcing to him that she was still her. Telling him not to tell anyone before they had too and she didn’t want him to change around her. Jensen hadn’t. He had done everything the way she had wanted too. Not telling their families and friends for the first 6 months. He had struggled to pretend as if it was nothing every time she got hurt because she would get angry when he didn’t. He knew that she was struggling and he had tried the best he could to make it as easy as possible on her. He loved her and being there for her from day to day, had made him forget the fear of losing her. Most of the time anyway. The days he spent in Vancouver without her was literal hell. Not because he was afraid she would get hurt and him not being there, because Gen had promised to stay with her as much as possible and when she couldn’t Jensen knew she would arrange with Mac or Y/N’s mom to drop by. It was his mind. Being without her, reminded him of how it was going to be soon and still nothing had prepared him for what he felt in the moment she was actually gone.

It wasn’t the disease that had taken her from her. She had left him. If she had really loved him how could she have done that? Jensen felt the anger bubble in his veins as he screamed out for her into the empty bedroom. He screamed, missing the person he had been with her. She had brought out the best in him. Something he would never see again. She had been his everything and now she was gone. She had left him alone and Jensen wanted nothing more than to have her back. He hated her for not staying, for not fighting and at the same time he understood. He understood how much she had been struggling. Struggles that was on him. He should have been able to make it easier for her. He should have made her want to fight, to keep going, to stay with him.

Jensen had no idea how long he had been kneeling on the floor before he finally got up, dragging himself to the big, cold, empty bed. Placing himself on her side, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and perfume still lingering in the sheets, before slowly opening the night stand. He pulled out the letter he had been hiding. The letter he still hadn’t read. Tears streamed down his face as he unfolded the page, seeing her troubled handwriting.

Jensen… I know this is going to hurt you, and I am sorry. But no matter how this happens it will hurt you. I don’t want you having to clean and bath me. I don’t want you to become my caregiver. I love you and I want you to remember me the way that I was.

This is me setting us both free Jensen. My body is betraying me and it is starting to feel like a prison. I know how much you want a family and you will. You will find a girl who sees what I see. She will love you and she will give you children. You will be happy again Jay. I am so sorry, I couldn’t be the one to give you any of it. I am so sorry our love was cut short, but just know I will always love you and I will wait for you. Just take your time getting here okay? Live a long, happy life for me.

Forever yours.

Y/N.

Tears streamed down his face as he read her last goodbye. He read the letter over and over, before he curled up into a ball, wishing he could feel her wrapped around him again one last time. Wishing he could hear her voice or kiss her goodnight. Wishing he could tell her he didn’t want anybody but her and no matter how it ended he didn’t regret a single moment spend with her.

Jensen Tag Team

@mysupernaturalfics @blacktithe7 @percywinchester27 @torn-and-frayed @docharleythegeekqueen @hexparker @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @feelmyroarrrr @starswirlblitz @akshi8278 @jpadjackles @crushing83 @Flufy07 @quiddy-writes @akshi8278 @sleep-silent-angel @d-s-winchester @fuckyeahfeysand @lenaabs @iamnotsaneatall @jpadjackles @petrovadixon @blanketmadeofstar @arryn-nyxx @winchesters-flannels @winchester-writes @ruprecht0420 @tas898 @emilywritesaboutdean @mogaruke @emoryhemsworth @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @supernatural-jackles @jojo-nz @jojo-nz @riakie @adriellej @michirutenshi @dance4angels @charliebradbury1104 @jayankles @mouselovesmusic @jensenackesl @twistnshoutx @ivvitm1109 @sinbadcat83 @winchestdiaries @thebunkerismyhome @iwriteaboutdean @winchesterprincessbride @captainradicalpassion @redunicorn10 @brooke-supernatural16 @purgatoan @haleyhay96 @becauseimawinchester @deansbaekaz2y5 @mamapeterson @spn-fan-girl-173 @be-amaziing @sandlee44 @profkmoriarty13 @secretlyfurrydragon @bringmesomepie56 @sonofabitch-spn @gecko9596 @impala-dreamer @jensen-jarpad @deansleather @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @icequeen1371 @phoenixia67 @chickenmcsade @chaos-and-the-calm67 @brihughes4 @aiaranradnay @angelsdeadromance @katarinfrost @castiels-broken-fool @bemyqueenofdarkness

#spn angst appreciation day 2017 #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles angst #jensen angst #jensen imagine #jensen ackles imagine #jensen one shot #spn angst #spn one shot #spn imagine #spn family #spn fanfiction #actor fic #tw: suicide #tw: als

[fanficcollection]

Tumblr-Girl (Part 5)

Tumblr – Girl (series)

Part 1 Part 4 Part 6

Masterlist

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: you made a new friend, didn’t you? Word Count: 2.080 Warnings: panic attack, angst, depression, mental illness, self doubt

Notes:

thanks soooo much to @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki​ for beta-reading so fast, so that I can throw it out for you guys even faster. 

Also I wanted to thank y’all for sticking around (it took a while writing this one) and giving me so much strenght with your comments! I really had some hard days, but your appreciation helped me a lot! Love you guys! 

Now enjoy chapter 5!

Your POV

Some time passed, a few days, maybe a week, the medication you got stood untouched on the sink in your bathroom, your arm hurt awfully, but you couldn’t get yourself to take the painkillers. You had some more talks with Dr. Richard; he was nice, he seemed like he cared about you. You found out he was just a few years older than you, he lived alone, a bit outside the city. Every time you met him you both continued your question-answer game, it never was boring, you got to know him better and your relationship turned. Dr Richards was no longer Dr Richards to you, but now Jacob, and you often met with Jacob for some coffee, lunch or even for a drink in the evening together. He became a very good friend and you found yourself telling him things that you would normally tell Dmitri. However you still didn’t feel that comfortable to tell him everything about you, so you weren’t as honest with the Doctor as you were with your your Tumblr friend. ,

You were not in the mood to look up your tumblr, most of it was sad stuff you posted when you had some of your hard days, and since you turned off the notifications you didn’t even see if someone wrote to you. No, that was not true, to be honest, you sometimes thought about checking up your social media pages, but… you couldn’t get yourself to do it, it hurt too much. You knew Dmitri had probably shot you a few messages, but Jacob told you once that if you bury yourself too deep in that online friendship you would lose contact to your environment, to the people who mattered in your real life.In one way this argument was clear to you, but on the other side there was no one in your real life, maybe beside of Jacob, that was really important to you. So you were in a conflict with yourself, but you decided for the moment to listen to Jacob and to keep social media mute, even if it was hard at first. It somehow felt like you lost a good friend, but on the other side the girls in your university were right, you would end up alone if you didn’t keep your mind focussed on the real things.

Somehow this situation reminded you of the Supernatural episode, when Dean showed Sam to press this one point on his hand to stay in reality, it hurt but it was necessary, you felt exactly as Sam did. It kept you where you really were, who you were, this unimportant girl nobody cares about. Maybe Jacob was your Dean, who kept you real? Although you understood why you did that step, your anxiety got back, not in the moments you were with Jacob, but when you were alone. It got worse, but you told nobody. You didn’t want to be that wreck again, you could not disappoint Jacob. There were only two opportunities, either you continued playing the healthy, good girl or you stopped it, did it right this time, no step back.

Mishas POV

After my talk with Jensen I waited, days went by, but my inbox stayed empty, I was sure something has happened to Y/N, she wouldn’t stop texting like that, I was sure I failed at helping her, I was a crappy friend,  why hadn’t I got her help when I thought she needed it? Every now and then I wrote a few lines and sent it, my hope left slowly, but I didn’t want to give up, I couldn’t. As long as I didn’t know exactly what was up with her I felt some kind of responsibility for her. I couldn’t just stop caring. I kind of saved her life, at least she told me this more than one time. Last time she replied that she was feeling good, yes, sure I knew depression doesn’t just leave the other day, but… yeah, but… I should have known it, I should have taken care of her more.

Day after day I checked my mails, my tumblr-Inbox, I looked her tumblr-profile up, just absence, no goodbye, no sign of life, not a comment about her sudden leaving. I now was sorry that I never asked Y/N for another way to keep up contact to her. A way other than a stupid blog-page. Any other way to make her recognize me would be great. Just some sign that she was alive. Nearly every, or every second day I shot her a message, every day a bit different, but always with quite the same content. Today I started typing again, by now it nearly was a ritual for me, just a few lines, but enough to tell Y/N that I didn’t forget her.

“Hey lovely,

I haven’t heard from you in ages, and wanted to make sure you are okay. Just give me a short text if you are fine, you know how my mind works, you know I worry.

I know this is my fourth text in about a week, but you never were silent so long, so what happened? I’m sure talking will help, getting it off your soul is always a good thing. I’m ready to listen, Y/N, I’m here.

Please write me!

Dmitri”

This night, as many nights before I thought about my failure, I hadn’t slept well in days, I saw the worried look on Jensen’s face when I was on set or when we did something together, I saw the pain in his eyes when he watched me and for him I tried to hide this feelings, the tiredness, I tried to be the ‘good old Misha’ I always was before, funny and happy, always joking. He shouldn’t get pulled into this, he didn’t earn that, he was a good friend, had nothing to do with it. I always tried to keep Jensen happy, but he didn’t buy it, he knew me, he knew I was beaten.

I often cried myself into sleep, thought about that life I probably wasn’t able to save, I read the old texts, cut myself off the others, I didn’t even want to go to conventions anymore, I realized that all these people put hopes and wishes in me and I couldn’t give them what they needed. I couldn’t be the role-model they were looking for, the angel they wanted me to be. I wasn’t any of that. I wasn’t able to help one single human being.

Once Jensen realized how bad it really was he was so sweet and caring, he often visited after work, cooked for the two of us, stayed for some movie nights, listened to my stories, he held me when I couldn’t stop crying, held me until I was asleep, sometimes stayed the night. He really had my back. Now I understood what Y/N had needed and what I couldn’t be for her, I always thought I was the thing to hold on, but now, I was in a similar situation I couldn’t imagine just having someone to talk over text-messages.

Your POV

You didn’t know Jacob long, but you developed a serious bond to him. A friendship, he was the one who held you, you decided to go along with the “play-the-happy-kid” as long as you could. After the loss of Dmitri, he was the only one who was there for you, he told you that so often that after some time you told yourself until you believed it.

After a good talk by a cup of coffee he drove you home and not for the first time you asked him if he wanted to join you for a movie or something. He normally told you he has got some work to do and wouldn’t come in, but today he smiled and nodded. You nodded as well when he parked the car in front of your house. In fact it was not your house, you rented a little flat in it, but who cares. You led him inside and showed him your flat. While you waited for the elevator you told Jacob why you lived by yourself, “You know, when I moved out from home, no, when your Mom kicked me out from home…” you swallowed hard, no, you didn’t want to talk about that. Not now. Maybe another time. “so I lived with some girls, I was 16, they were a bit older and it was horrible, so as soon I could afford it I moved into a own flat.”  You quickly shut the story.

He looked unpleased “You can tell me everything, you know that?” he said, but  in his tone wasn’t much empathy, at least you thought that. “I know. Thank you for being here for me.” You said and smiled when the elevator doors opened. “3rd floor.” You just said to Jacob, who stood closer to the buttons. In the elevator you didn’t say a word. It felt a bit awkward, you have never showed a guy your place, you hardly showed anyone your place.

*Stay calm* you told yourself and unlocked the door. “Come in.” you said and threw a shy smile. Your flat wasn’t very big, but enough for you. There was a little living room, with a cozy little couch, a TV-set, a few cupboards with books, and DVD’s, a small kitchen with a dining table and your bedroom with a king-sized bed. On the wall hung a few pictures, mostly in black, white and some dark red, highly abstract, but you felt the felt the spirit they sent out, you saw them on a street market and immediately fell in love with them.

“Wow. It’s nice here.” Jacob said. He checked out your furniture. You slightly nodded, you were unsure if he really liked it or if he just wanted to be polite. When he looked at you and smiled, you smiled back and asked “Would you like something to drink, maybe some wine or beer?” he nodded “Wine sounds nice.” You took a bottle red wine and poured a glass for him and a bottle with beer for yourself. “I’m more the beer-type.” you said to him and smiled. “So, what do you want to watch?” - “You always talk of this TV-show with those two brothers, maybe you should introduce me to those.” He answered and agreed euphorically. “Sure. I’m always up to some Supernatural”

You took the first season out of the shelf and shoved the first DVD in the DVD-Player. You didn’t know how many times you have seen this show, but every time you really enjoyed it, everything of it. How Dean broke into Sam’s and Jess’ room, how Sam defended himself and of course the famous “Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days”. You nearly shivered of joy.

With a look to Jacob you saw no emotions, he even looked a bit bored. You felt a bit disappointed, but maybe he would get more excited about it when he got a little bit into it. When in the last scenes Jess burnt at the ceiling and you nearly started to cry because of Sam’s loss, he laughed. You stared at him. What was wrong with him? “The bad special effects.” He just explained, but you still felt a bit angry. Yes, the show was trashy, but no, that was not a scene to laugh.

“I’m sorry, Y/N” he said and gently put his arm around your shoulders. “I didn’t know the show meant so much to you.” First you wanted to pull away, but then you leaned a bit into his touch. While the second episode started he softly stroke over your cheek. “Jacob,-“ you started, but before you could say anything you felt his lips on yours. First it felt strange, you wanted to stop, pull away, but he held you tight, didn’t let you go, and a few seconds later you allowed the unfamiliar touch, though you couldn’t really enjoy it. You allowed Jacob to continue the kiss, as after all, he had helped you so much, by being a friend, listening to you, not judging. You trusted Jacob, he wouldn’t hurt you, he cared for you. But then, so had Dmitri...

Part 6

Tag-List:

@jannalionheart​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​ @evyiione​ @destielschild

#SPN #SPN FANDOM #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural family #fandom #spnfanfic #Misha Collins #misha x reader #misha #Jensen Ackles

[amwritingmeta]

SNAPSHOT META: 1x01 - PILOT

I’m rewatching the entire series over the summer - not only because my memory bank is in dire need of refreshing, but because what else are we supposed to do during hellatus? Meet up with friends, go to the park, enjoy the sunshine? *snorts with derision* (okay I’ll be doing that too) (I’m not staying in all summer watching SPN and writing meta) (*shiftiest eyes*) I wanted to do this as part of this awesomeness and will attempt to catch up. If I can’t: *shrug* What can I say? Real Life and all that. Yes, friends in the park with sunshine. (be honest) I work. A lot. Of the hours.

But to make it up to you, I’ve planned THIS

No, I’m not going to dress up as Marilyn Monroe and come to your house and shower you with champagne. (or am I?)  No, don’t be silly - I can’t do that! Instead, I’m going to encourage you all to drink! By introducing the Spectacular and Penultimate and so very Necessary Drinking Game. (*SPNDG for short) For those who do not partake of the alcohol or for those of you who are underage there will be soda pops involved. (considering how much I curse I sincerely hope each and every one of you are of age)

You with me here? AWESOME! This will be us come end of summer:

Though possibly not quite so fishy... Either way, we’ll be ready for S13, peeps!

So, I had this ambition to do this Snapshot Commentary thing for each episode, getting through one or two a day. This post has taken me four days, the hours I’ve had to invest interspersed unevenly at best, and @margarittet was nice enough to do the maths - my ambition would take me over two years to fulfil at this pace. Yah. And as I lack a Time-Turner (god I wish I had one WHY JK ROWLING??) I may just have to watch the series as planned and write meta on the episodes that stand out as deeper narrative beats, both plot and character wise. Fuck. I already know there are so many of them. But I’m excited to get started! Writing this meta has been so much fun and I hope you’ll enjoy it.

I know I’m probably repeating stuff someone else has already said, but do you know what, I haven’t gotten to say it, so I’m saying it for myself now. Keep a lookout for them drinking prompts, because that means fun times up ahead, and don’t forget to drink responsibly. (remember nesnej) (oh god we’re all gonna get sloshed) (or very, very high on sugar)

Here we go!

Snapshot Commentary: 1x01 - PILOT

Mary and John are Good Parents

Sam is the cutest baby e.v.e.r

Young Dean worships his father already 

Flickering lights are always sinister

Baby monitors are always freaky

Guys standing ominously in shadow are super-disconcerting 

MARY, THAT WAS NOT JOHN!

Oh, the pain of that fiery death is just… no

And, of course, Dean is handed Sammy to look after and to save —- *ow*

“It’s okay, Sammy.” —- *ow*

Why did little baby Sammy have to see his mother burn on the ceiling?? —- *OW*

Jessica is a beautiful girl

Jessica needs to wear more clothes

I worry Jessica may catch cold 

Lightly Clad Female adulation: *Tequila Time

Sam is gorgeous

Sam doesn’t buy into Halloween

Sam is smart as all fuck

Sam isn’t close to his family

Jess is his family: she believes in him, encourages him, is proud of non-hunter him

The character intro of Dean fucking Winchester: an Intruder Cloaked in Shadow (friend or foe, we don’t know - remind you of anyone?) 

Them boys got them fighting skills down

*no. 1 - BEER

Jessica is a beautiful girl

Jessica needs to wear more clothes

I worry Jessica may catch cold

*no. 2 - Ladies Man Dean switching on the skeeze charm

There’s good reason to be afraid of the dark

Them boys hunt them things that there’s good reason to be afraid of

Them boys kill them things and save lives

Dean takes pride in this - Sam is trying to move on from it: root of brotherly conflict revealed and we are at minute 8:55, peeps

Dean: So what’re you gonna do? You just gonna live some normal, apple pie life, is that it?

Wait, what? Pie is synonymous with what?

*no. 3 - PIE

Sam: No. Not normal - safe.

Dean manipulates Sam reaches out because he does not want to do this alone, even though Sam more or less just told him that all he wants to be is safe from all of it: dick move, Dean - but then, without it, there’d be no story

Sam gives in — brodependency already in full swing

Baby <3

*no. 4 - Impala Weapons Stash

Sam is incredulous that Dean got to go on a hunting trip alone, which tells us John was always an Overbearing Parent, but…

Dean points out he’s twenty-six - an adult, meaning John trusts him to take care of himself

Conversely: in the original pilot script “Jack” (John’s original name was Jack) (yeah, I know, right?) makes a distinct, but brief, difference between his two sons: Baby Sam can have Dean’s room if baby Sam sleeps through the night. This may be an innocent promise, but it’s still telling of what John’s relationship with his boys was always meant to be. Sam is more important and Dean is left to fend for Sam, and to fend for himself.

Headcanon -> John was only overbearing for as long as Sam was still there. When Sam chose to leave, John started splitting up from Dean for longer and longer stints of time, leaving Dean to truly fend for himself. Dean is telling Sam the truth: he doesn’t want to do this alone anymore, he’s been completely alone from the day Sam left and Dean is a pack animal, someone for whom family is everything, it’s what’s been drilled into him since he was four years old and probably before then. Who is he if he’s not taking care of Sammy? For two years, no, for longer than that, he’s been trying to find out and he’s come up short. Bottom line? Dean Winchester is lonely and he misses his brother, misses the purpose he always gave him, craves that purpose like a drug. Without Sammy - Dean is lost, because all his life all he’s ever tried to be was John Winchester, so that he’d be strong enough to keep Sam safe, and keeping Sam safe meant that perhaps their dad would be proud of him, but without Sam, modelling himself on John loses its meaning, and if he’s not emulating John Winchester, then who is he supposed to be? He doesn’t know. And, quite possibly, the thought of finding out feels like a complete betrayal of everything his father ever taught him. Because you never give up on family, and that has always been a double-edged sword.

Minute 12:53

Jericho, California

I can never go home…… *chills*

Jessica is a beautiful girl

Jessica needs to wear more clothes

I worry Jessica may catch cold

Hottest Woman in White ever - them victims never stood a damn chance - maybe if you didn’t throw yourself at men with wives and girlfriends, Hotness, they wouldn’t be tempted to cheat *eye roll* (female representation too often sucks)

Friendly Reminder: Lightly Clad Female adulation means fucking *Tequila Time, y’all

Sidenote: as much as I love how this episode is resolved, I do find that there’s a big gaping logic hole in this antagonist’s motivation when the Woman in White is killing men because her husband was unfaithful, and yet she is clearly not averse to literally forcing her victims into a compromised position, in essence she’s raping them before killing them. She’s a vengeful spirit and she’s seeing red, meaning she can’t actually weigh the good and bad in her decisions, and I get that, but seriously? She’s killed ten men over twenty years. Why not more? Why not only target those that are up for it by their own volition then, if you’re going to be so damn picky? Meh. Whatever.

Minute 18:21

*No. 5 - Every time they say the word “agent” have a drink of water (I’m not a sadist) (well I am a little) (like Misha Collins) (so there’s a bit of goodness) (to my badness) (water is life) (and helps against massive hangovers) 

Dean doesn’t have a whole lotta respect for the lawmen 

(Jensen has the biggest, greenest eyes)

Sam is empathic - in touch with his emotions

Empathy makes Dean fidget - out of touch with his emotions or, you know, unwilling to touch them

Constance Welch - Hottest Woman in White Ever has a name, glory be!

Please hold for some Dialogue Deconstruction…

Here’s the Bridge Exchange between the brothers:

Sam: Dean, I told you, I’ve gotta get back by— Dean: Monday. Right. The interview. Sam: Yeah. Dean: You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? You think you’re just gonna become some lawyer? Marry a girl… Sam: Maybe. Why not? Dean: Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you’ve done? Sam: No, and she’s not ever going to know. Dean: Well, that’s healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to who you really are. Sam: And who’s that? Dean: You’re one of us. Sam: No. I’m not like you. This is not going to be my life. Dean: You have a responsibility. Sam: To dad? And his crusade? If it weren’t for pictures I wouldn’t even know what mom looks like. What difference would it make? Even if we were to find the thing that killed her, mom’s gone, and she’s not coming back. Dean: Don’t talk about her like that.

This exchange tells us so much about these two men, their past, their present frame of mind, stating the conflict in their different points of views. Oh, my Kripke. *salivating*

Dean

thinks a normal life is a pipe dream

which is confirmed as the truth by Sam finding it necessary to lie to Jessica

leading to Dean calling Sam out on the unhealthiness of denying who you really are (!!!)

Now for the underlying conflict this exchange highlights: Dean needs his brother back in the family business. His face when he tries to throw the responsibility barb at Sam and Sam shakes it off - Dean looks hurt, he was speaking for himself here, not John and as we’ll learn, Dean practically raised Sam, so for Sam to find it so easy to leave him behind, to not even take him into account, it must hurt like all hell

Dean is protective of Mary’s memory: whether it’s out of loyalty to her or loyalty to John is hard to tell at this point, right? Mary’s memory has shaped Dean’s life, and of course he has his own memories of her, but is he protective of her as his mother or as the motor behind his entire existence, which Sam is more or less calling bullshit on here? Maybe it’s both. Maybe they’re irrevocably the same at this point. 

Dean is a foot soldier: he’s had his reason for existing drilled into him from when he was old enough to have it drilled into him that this is who he is and this is all there is to him, there is no questioning orders, there is no breaking away from it, there is nothing else out there more important than family

Dean is loyal and duty bound, displaying a softly selfish streak as he pulls Sam back into the life, as well as giving us hints of that deep insecurity when it comes to his own identity, an insecurity that we’ll get to know so well over the seasons (remind you of anyone?)

Lets’ look at the exchange again, this time from Sam’s POV:

Sam

that “maybe” denotes a hint of uncertainty 

that turns into defensiveness

because deep down he’s afraid that Dean’s right and there’s no “normal” to be had for him

and, as with most things, a twofold: we’re heading into dark territory with Sam and this uncertainty is subtle foreshadowing of how he’s always felt different and out of place

but as we’ll come to learn about Sam, once he stops beating against the hunter side of himself, he’ll find his MoL side, his Leader side, and that journey starts right here as well, in this subtle show of uncertainty, because what Sam truly needs ain’t ever going to be “normal”

it’s funny when Sam tells Dean he’s nothing like him, because the truth is: Sam beat Dean in that first scuffle, Sam found the name of the Woman in White, Sam picked the lock at the motel, Sam concluded John’s in trouble by examining the room, Sam got Dean out of jail by placing a prank call and, of course, Sam’s going to resolve the episode by taking action

so obviously Sam is a hunter to the bone - and he’s better at it than Dean

it’s lovely that Sam immediately ties John’s hunt for Mary’s killer to Christianity by dubbing it a “crusade” - very subtle foreshadowing here

Sam is so over all of it: he is all about free will and his right to exorcise it, not buying into the crap John is selling, not seeing the point, if there ever was one - it won’t bring their mother back, she’s gone, they need to move on with their lives

as he says to Dean in their earlier exchange: Mary wouldn’t have wanted this for them, and of course we know Sam’s right in this assumption

but that said, Sam also has loyalty and a sense of duty, rooted in love for his family, and though he knows who he wants to be, there’s a clear insecurity about who he can be 

he’s just not ready to sacrifice his sense of self for someone else’s idea of what is the right thing to do with his life

It’s the classic Hero’s Journey setup for Sam, of course: without resistance there’s no possibility for growth. If the Hero begins in a place where he’s comfortable with the journey he’s about to be launched onto then the necessity for him making the journey disappears and there’s no hook into the narrative. (remind you of anyone?)

Minute 24:43

Jump up on the railing, boys. The railing. THE RAILING, BOYS, THE CAR CAN’T GET TO YOU IF YOU’RE… oh, forget it.

Even covered in mud you are one hot cookie, Dean Winchester

John Winchester is a pro

John Winchester is detail oriented (MoL)

John Winchester is clever

John Winchester is in trouble (stakes raised)

Sam apologises for what he said about John and Mary and Dean deflects the sentiment with a “Hey, no chick flick moments” — *awww*

*No. 6 - whenever Dean DEFLECTS SENTIMENT we toast each other with a RAWR

*No. 7 - whenever Sam tries to get Dean to talk we toast the TV with a JERK! BITCH!

On Dean Donning John’s Leather Jacket: I reblogged some gorgeous meta just the other day on this topic and couldn’t add my own thoughts because I simply didn’t have enough of an opinion. @dustydreamsanddirtyscars I still feel your meta was beautiful and that’s why I wanted it on my blog *head still bowed to you*, I also see how Dean is drowning in that jacket and all it symbolises, but I will agree with @elizabethrobertajones, who pointed out that the jacket is a visual metaphor for Dean shouldering responsibility for the family business, and I’d even like to delve a little deeper into what the jacket represents for me in this moment in time.

Firstly, I’d just like to point out how utterly downplayed this moment is in the pilot. If I hadn’t been aware of the jacket being John’s I wouldn’t even have registered how significant Dean sliding it on actually is, given how the episode plays out. We’re at minute 28:44 and the fact that there’s a ring of salt on the floor of John’s motel room has told the boys that John was worried, that he was trying to keep something out. The possibility of something truly bad having happened to their father is beginning to seem more and more likely to the brothers.

But, secondly, what is so interesting about Dean grabbing his father’s jacket is that he does it casually, without a second thought. It tells us John clearly wouldn’t mind Dean wearing his jacket, or Dean would have left it where it is. To me, this shows a bond. (As does the fact that John has given Dean his car, but that’s for later meta.) It shows a closeness between father and son because they’ve been united in their hunt for Mary’s killer and Dean has earned his father’s respect and trust, no matter how absent John is in Dean’s life. What Dean needs is his father’s love and acceptance and, of course, these he can’t ever have because Dean isn’t comfortable enough in himself to ever admit this is what he needs. And if he can’t admit it, then how can he ask for it?

So Dean dresses himself in his father’s clothes and steeps himself in his father’s image (down to driving his car and listening to his music) in order to connect with his father, because regular Dean has never been quite enough. And, furthermore, Dean emulates his father in order for Dean to do his duty, to be the responsible one, to look out for Sammy. It’s what he’s been doing for twenty-two years so donning his father’s jacket in this scene is casual because it’s what Dean does every day of his life, it’s who he already is - an extension of John Winchester.

It’s why the significance of this moment is downplayed, rather than acting as foreshadowing for what’s to happen to Jessica in ten minutes by underlining the fact that something bad must’ve happened to John - because this isn’t what this moment is there for, it’s simply an extremely subtle way of planting the visual information of how Dean is already a shadow of his father.

Note: they begin putting deeply emotional and key character moments entirely in visual subtext from day one. This is how they write this show and how they have always written this show. Because they are amazing writers and this is how amazing writers write shit down. A good screenplay needs to work on multiple levels and deliver on this type of thing in every scene, because each scene is meant to be a building block for the narrative and the foundation for the narrative is subtext.

Writing a good screenplay is not easy or straight forward, it takes a lot of consideration for what details actually matter to the narrative as a whole and that consideration is always based in knowledge of your character’s backstory and, preferably, at least some notion of their endgame. Though endgames change and aren’t an absolute necessity, I’d say it’s very difficult to steer a narrative without even a loose destination in mind.

And look at how the brother’s are set up in the pilot: this is the relationship we’re going to follow for the coming twelve years, and the core conflict is right there, in their first scene, enhanced in this exchange I’ve just briefly deconstructed. It is meticulously crafted writing. (I just cannot EVEN)

Minute 29:40

Dean gets bent over the hood of a car and yeah, he likes it - there is no reason for him to like it that much, except for this actually being one of those downplayed visual character moments that would give the casual viewer insight into Dean enjoying being bent over things by men in uniform, if it wasn’t so ambiguous (we know though) (we know) (the foreshadowing for Dean’s bisexuality, and him being privately ok with it, too - look at that smile - is starting right here, guys) (IN THE PILOT)

So Dean previously dissed the cops for not having a clue

Now he’s their only clue to solving the murder

This leads Dean to the biggest clue he’s found in his John Winchester investigation

John Winchester’s JOURNAL (god that’s a great visual) (you can hear the weight of this revelation as the journal hits that table like a brick) (I wish I had a GIF)

Thank you, @elizabethrobertajones!! 

(I wish I had a million dollars)

Now, Dean dissing the cops when he and Sam first arrive on the crime scene and actually  being proven wrong - because these cops clearly have eyes and ears on alert - is good, this tells us Dean’s not as slick as he thinks he is

Sam being the empath again - gently interrogating Constance Welch’s husband

until he switches on the badass - because Sam is not beyond pushing for the truth and pushing buttons to get to it: logic and gut instinct stemming from emotional intelligence, I would argue, because Sam has always been honest with himself and tried his hardest to follow his heart

the fact that Dean so easily slips out of the station WITH THE JOURNAL reaffirms the fact that Dean is good at what he does - granted with assistance from Sam: this instils in us the confidence that Dean knows what he’s doing, getting himself out of the jam he got himself into (possibly this was an unintentionally planted soundbite, but the Getting Themselves Out of Jams They’ve Unintentionally Created For Themselves still hits a note that will echo through the entire series)

John’s left Jericho and he didn’t take his journal (the plot thickens)

SHIT THERE’S A GHOST LADY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD SAMMY!!

And now she’s IN THE CAR WITH YOU SAMMY!! (stakes raised sky high) (she gonna kill you!) (don’t say oh hell yes!) 

Ok, good, there’s that cleverness I’ve come to know and love, Sam, good boy for telling her no, but of course, it’ll make no difference whatsoever because this ghost will violently murder you for getting excited by her cleavage and her grinding against your groin (but it really is ridiculous, though) (isn’t it?) (she’s afraid to go home, guys) (that’s her weak spot) (the only reason she switches on the seductress and Sam suddenly having no say in the matter is that they wanted Dean to fire that shotgun) (they wanted to show that there is more ways than one to beat back the supernatural on this show) (“I can’t ever go home” makes logical Sam understand her fear) (so Constance realising what he’s going to do - that he’s going to take her home - could’ve made her fight back) (in the way she took control of the car on the bridge) (which would take us to the need to use that shotgun) (there’s no damn reason for her to try and coerce Sam into being unfaithful) (it just negates her entire backstory - her believable and emotional motivation) (I like my Hottest Women in White evers to be well-rounded characters) (thank you very much)

(yes thank you) (this pilot has given insight) (with logic holes)

Again - I love this episode resolution: you go Sam! and then the water and, oh man —

— children in shadow at the top of stairs shot with a low angle are always creepy

Bye bye Constance (toilet flush noise) (hmm)

“--I’ll kill you” = Baby Love

Blackwater Ridge, Colorado

Oh, disappointment from Dean: Sam’s still not coming with him to meet up with John and make sure he’s ok

AC/DC singing “I’m on a Highway to Hell” as Dean pulls up to Sam’s door to drop him off - holy shit this show really does choose its music with care

Helluva team *chills*

Oh, cookies

Bookend to end all bookends

“We’ve got work to do.” *double-chills*

And what’s even more significant here is Sam’s character arc for this episode bookending as he’s spent the entire narrative beating against everything his father stands for to now - without hesitation, the love of his life having just died in the exact same way the love of his father’s life died - be stepping into the very shoes he’s always rejected, ready to walk that path of vengeance for Jessica’s sake.

Dean donned John’s jacket.

Sam, starting out stating how what he wants out of life is safety with/for the woman he loves, ends up picking up a shotgun.

Their fates and their choices are linked to and mirrored in John’s fate and his choices and the basis for all that’s to come is firmly in place by the end of this pilot episode. Isn’t it just marvellous?

Other Noteworthy Things:

Dean indulges in unhealthy food twice

Sam declines unhealthy food twice 

Dean says “house rules” about what goes on in the Impala and I have so many thoughts on what Baby symbolises, but “stability” and “home” are the foremost ones, so this brief line feels meaningful to me

A diner ->

A gas station ->

A motel ->

-> Settings we will become very familiar with

Cassette tapes (twelve years of cassette tapes)

Dean calls Sam out for being a control freak 

Let’s bask in the gorgeous irony Kripke establishes by making it clear that being a hunter means having to break the law and Sam’s ambition in life is to be a lawyer - it underscores the internal conflict so beautifully and underlines how Sam’s vision for his future truly is the absolute Opposite to how he’s been raised

Sam needing to distance himself from his family means he’s not welcome back

This was John’s decision

Headcanon: thinking how this most probably devastated Dean, but Sam figured Dean would stick by John without hesitation so he never bothered to contact Dean, while Dean, not hearing from Sam, figured Sam wouldn’t want him to bother him *slow tear*

And that is all from me on this gorgeous episode, peeps! Hope you found this informative!!

xx

#spn meta #spn 1x01 #spn pilot #spn symbolism #spn headcanon #dean winchester #sam winchester #foreshadowing #narrative strucutre #dialogue deconstruction #eric kripke is the shit