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pinknatural · 3 years

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Dean has a secret.

Well. Dean has a lot of secrets, starting with Rhonda Hurley and ending with where he got food money for Sam while they were growing up, but this secret--well. Even Cas doesn’t know it. And Cas knows most things about Dean. Probably all things, except this, because Dean doesn’t want Cas to know. He wants to keep it tucked against his chest and hold it tight and careful, only to look at it when he’s alone, curled in his bed at night.

His secret is this:

When he first said yes to Michael, the deal was that Dean had access to Michael’s powers but Dean was the one piloting. Dean fought Lucifer, not Michael. For a moment, it was like Dean was an angel. And--

and when he said yes, he was in the Bunker, and Cas was right next to him, begging and pleading for him to not do this, please, anything but this--

and after Dean said yes, when the power of an archangel filled him up, gave him wings and grace and everything else--

Dean turned to Cas, to reassure him, to say it’ll be okay--but when he turned and looked at Cas, he saw him. For the first--for the only--time, Dean saw Cas. He saw his vessel, messy black hair, eyes as blue as his tie, wrapped in that same trenchcoat, but he also saw--

Wings, ragged and tattered, and a halo, cracked and splintered, and three animal heads--some kind of deer, a bird, a tiger--and thousands of eyes, and hands everywhere, and all of it was so beautiful and Dean couldn’t even muster up any words. He just nodded at Cas and then flew away.

And now Dean draws it, over and over, hiding the drawings under his mattress, and he imagines it, the deer and the bird and the tiger, and the eyes, all trained on him, and remembers that Cas is all of that power, all of that celestial, otherworldly beauty. He’s not just a little dude who lets Dean put him in cowboy hats. Dean tears out a page from his notebook and crumbles it into a ball, frustrated that the joint between bird and tiger head looked wrong, wrong, and he aims it at the wastebasket under his sink. The ball lands with a solid thunk, and Dean turns off the lights, pushes his sketchbook off the bed, pulls his blanket over his shoulders.

When he closes his eyes, all he sees is the splintered halo behind Cas’ head, and he remembers why his other secret, the one that has terrible things like want twisted into it, can never, ever reach the light of day.

#dean winchester #deancas #destiel #writingtag #haha it's nearly midnight the perfect time to drop a new ficlet

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notfunnydean · 4 years

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Coming Out

Pairing: Dean Winchester / Castiel Tags: bisexual Dean, pansexual Cas, first kiss, first pride Word Count: 1.969 Challenge: SPN Fam Pride Month Summary: While being on a hunt Dean discovers a pride parade. He sneaks out of the motel room to explore the parade but also to learn more about himself. There he meets someone familiar. Link (if posted on AO3): https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963385

Dean takes a deep breath and then finally gets out of his beloved Baby. He hastily looks around, to see if he knows someone, even though he is miles away from Kansas. Still his brother and Castiel are with him.

Not right now, but at the motel.

“Okay, you can do this.” Dean mutters to himself and then throws his jacket back into the Impala. He feels a bit lighter already, but he is still wearing a flannel. For now he would stay like that.

Dean feels ridiculous, but he almost sneaks down the alley into the city. He can hear loud music and people singing and gulps. Okay, he had waited a long long time for this and he wouldn’t freak out.

He wishes Charlie was still with him.

She would’ve liked this. Dean is sure Charlie did things like this all the time and he’s proud of her. He tries to be proud of himself too, but it’s difficult.

“Hey. First pride?”

Dean looks up to see a young guy and nods shortly. Does he look like it’s his first time? God how embarrassing.

“No need to worry. Just have fun, maybe try a smile? I’m Max.” Dean nods again, but then he realizes that and smiles shyly. Max looks good, he wears a rainbow flag around his torso and has a lot of pins on his shirt.

“Sorry, I’m just really nervous. I haven’t really come out so far.” Dean mutters and Max looks almost compassionate at that, but he clasps Dean’s shoulder and nods.

“We’ve all been there. Just don’t pressure yourself. Some of us never come out in public or to their family and friends and they’re still valid.” Max continues and it helps Dean to feel a bit better.

He’d never been out to his father and he is kinda glad for that. He doesn’t know what John would’ve thought of him. Maybe… he would’ve come out to his mother, but he didn’t get the chance.

And yeah he could’ve always come out to his brother. Dean knows that. Sam is probably the most open human there is, but he’s still scared shitless. Hell, it took a lot to admit to himself that maybe he likes to look at guys as well.

“Thank you, that means a lot.” Dean says and this time it’s a real smile.

“If you wanna buy anything. I got a lot to sell.” Max says and he points at all the colorful things he has in his booth. While Dean’s eyes stop at something particular, he excuses himself. Max nods towards him and then is already talking to another girl.

Dean continues his own way, the sun is shining brightly and there are so many people around him. Dean stops to get himself a beer and then finally opens his flannel. His shirt is nothing special.

But it has a huge bi-flag on it.

Everyone around him is so happy, a lot of people are waving to him, even flirting shortly with Dean and he likes this. He finally feels accepted and free and so good in his own skin. He can’t remember the last time this happened.

Dean even stops and gets himself some pins. He actually likes the rainbow flag as well but the bisexual merch means a lot to him. Almost his whole life he hadn’t even known that he wasn’t really alone with that.

Sue his hunting lifestyle. He never had time to discover his own sexuality in school or college. He had always accepted that he’d never look into that side of himself too much. But then… then someone appeared in his life.

“We got every flag there is.” A woman says and Dean stops to look at all the flags. There are just small ones you can hold up, but also huge ones like Max had around his torso. Dean gasps at a cowboy hat in the bisexuality colors.

Dean has his wallet out before he can think about it. It’s not even that expensive, so Dean takes that cowboy hat and even one of those huge flags, that he can wrap around his shoulders.

He can’t believe this. He would’ve never thought that he’d wear merch like this. Sure a few pins, his shirt, but this felt kinda huge. Dean smiles even harder and puts on the hat, before using that flag as a cape.

Dean snickers to himself and just as he turns around he walks right into someone.

“Whoops sorry.” Dean says and he feels a bit tipsy so happy is he, even though he hadn’t had a lot to drink.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean’s heart stops.

“Cas?!”

Fuck. Okay. Dean smiles awkwardly and then even tips his hat in greeting. Like the dumbass he is. Castiel smiles anyway and Dean’s eyes widen when he finally sees what the angel is wearing.

Not his trenchcoat for once. Instead a shirt with a flag, that Dean doesn’t know. (He’s new to all of this, dammit) and a fake halo in the same colors.

“I thought you don’t have a halo.” Dean gets out and wants to smack himself. Castiel’s smile gets only wider at that and there is something else in his eyes.

“That’s why I bought this one.” Castiel answers and they continue to look at each other. Like always, Dean gets lost in those blue eyes. He can’t help it. Castiel takes a step closer and Dean wishes he could take his hand.

Then he does.

“Come with me, I got an idea.” Dean mutters, blushing badly that he is holding Castiel’s hand. Luckily, his best friend isn’t saying anything and Dean knows he walks a lot more upright now.

People will probably think Castiel is his boyfriend and he likes that a little too much.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asks, while they walk and he even squeezes Dean’s hand. Dean walks a bit slower, wanting to enjoy this.

“I think I saw something you should get.” Dean answers truthfully. He remembers that he had seen the booth when he first came here, the one where he met Max. It takes them roughly 10 minutes to walk there.

“I didn’t know you were bisexual.” Castiel says, it doesn’t sound mad. He sounds actually pretty glad, Dean almost squirms.

“I… I… never mentioned it, but I wanted… I finally wanted to be me.” Dean stutters. He can’t remember the last time he was this nervous and he looks at Castiel. He can feel how the hand holding Castiel’s sweats.

“I like it.” Castiel answers and there are a lot more butterflies in Dean’s stomach than around them. Maybe that actually means that Castiel could like him back?

“What does yours mean?” Dean asks carefully and he hopes it doesn’t mean he’s out of the game. He feels like an idiot for knowing almost nothing about genders and sexualities. He should look more into it.

To be ready for the next prides, too. But this one was rather accidental and he was glad to have the shirt with him at all.

“After the human meaning, I’m pansexual. I don’t care about the gender of my love interest. I just need to have a profound bond to the person.” Castiel explains and Dean gasps quietly. He knows exactly that Castiel had said before that they shared a profound bond.

“Hey there stranger!”

Before Dean can answer something to Castiel, Max has already spotted him. Dean goes over to him, painfully aware that he is still holding Castiel’s hand. Max grins, but says nothing.

“Hey again. Uh, I thought I would come back to your offer. I’d like to purchase something.” Dean says and he follows Max at the booth. Before that he tells Castiel to wait for him there. The angel does so and looks at the parade that just started.

“Sure thing, my twin sister Alicia creates all of this. Supportive Sibling thing.” Max says grinning and the girl from earlier waves at them. Dean smiles. He should tell Sam, too. (He just hopes Sam wouldn’t start crafting things too, he’s not super good at it.)

“I’d like to get one of those. Do you have them in the pansexuality colors?” Dean asks and Max gets them out of a cardboard. Dean loves them already, the colors suit Castiel perfectly.

“For your boyfriend?” Max asks while Dean pays, he looks back to Castiel, who seems still fascinated by all the colorful vehicles. Dean shrugs.

“We’ve known each other for ages but I hope I can finally be his.” Dean explains and he is blushing again. Max smiles wider and wishes him good luck. Dean hopes they will meet again some time.

He walks back to Castiel and carefully puts his present on Castiel’s back. It even has a small holder that he can attach to Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel jerks in surprise and then raises his eyebrows at the fake wings.

“Really?”

“Yeah you look… you look really gorgeous. Always I mean.” Dean wants to smack his head against something hard and heavy, but Castiel chuckles.

“Thank you Dean. You look very beautiful yourself.” Castiel answers easily. There was a time where Dean would’ve been angry with being called ‘beautiful’, and maybe even yesterday he would’ve been offended.

But he wants to learn to be himself now.

“Thanks.” Dean mutters, still embarrassed, but Castiel takes his hand again. Dean even gets a bit closer to him, as they watch the parade around them together.

“So. How come you are here today?” Castiel asks and Dean shrugs a bit awkwardly. At first he doesn’t know what to say. Then he takes a deep breath.

“I guess some things take me a while to understand.” Dean says and he even goes for a wink like a dumbass. But Castiel is still close, still holding his hand. Even smirking a bit now.

“Like what?”

“Like huh... this.”

Dean had killed so many supernatural things in his life and never been afraid beforehand. But he is afraid right now, as he leans closer and hastily closes his eyes, so he doesn’t have to see the angels face.

Luckily, Castiel comes towards him as well and their lips meet in the middle. Dean gasps quietly in his shock, but then Castiel is putting his free hand on Dean’s neck and pulls him even closer.

Dean opens his mouth without a second thought and fuck he hadn’t known that Castiel was such a good kisser. He is already addicted. Castiel even hums, when people are whistling at them.

The kiss breaks way too soon, but Dean kinda needs to breath. He licks over his lips, when he opens his eyes, only to meet Castiel’s hungry gaze.

“I really like you.” Dean whispers.

He then closes his eyes in his own frustration and takes a deep breath. What the fuck, is he five years old and talking to his crush at the kindergarten? He was never so bad at flirting. Castiel grins.

“I’m in love with you for years.” Castiel says as if it’s nothing.

“Me… me too.” Dean says and Castiel hugs him as hard as he can. Like always they seem to forget about the world around him. Dean doesn’t think he had ever been this happy. This feels right.

This feels like something new and exciting and at the same time like something he had known for years and gives him security.

“So how come you’re here?” Dean asks, still shy even after the kiss. At least he is still holding Castiel’s hand. The angel smiles and then shrugs.

“Sam told me to find you here.” Castiel winks at Dean this time and Dean gasps quitely.

He would strangle his brother. And maybe send him flowers

“Now kiss me again, Cowboy.”

“As you wish Angel.”

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fic #spn pride #deancas #my writing

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shirtlesssammy · 5 years

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9x02: Devil May Care

Then:

Ezekiel is totes on the up and up helping out the Brothers Winchester.

Now:

Dean fills Sam in on where Cas is (far away and human and without wings or money or ANYTHING and they’re not going to pick him up. GOD, do I love Supernatural post-season 11 SO MUCH.)

I mean, I guess the brothers have to worry about all the fallen angels out there (heaven forbid you include a FORMER ANGEL in on the mix!) They also have Crowley captured and as Dean so eloquently puts it, “He’s the junk in my truck.” (Lol, not until season 10, buddy!)

In an old, abandoned house, a demon performs a spell over a bathtub and out pops Abaddon!

Dean comes back to the bunker to a seriously freaked out Kevin. He’s been alone for too long. The bunker was acting weird when the brothers were gone. Dean fills him in on what’s happening. Dean is just a jerk here, wtf? I know he’s under some stress but let’s be nicer to the poor kid prophet, at least.

The brothers haul Crowley to the dungeon. They want demon names. He’s not going to cooperate. Torture isn’t going to work.

Kevin demands to know why Crowley is there. He killed his mom. Dean promises that if Crowley gives them what they want, they’ll let Kevin knife him in the end.

Abaddon starts to build her faction of demons. She finds Crowley’s level of leadership to be lacking. “The king is dead. Long live the queen.” And with that Abaddon is going to lead Hell.

Dean tells another hunter about the fallen angels and tells him to pass it on.

Meanwhile, Abaddon is fulfilling one of her first goals, getting better vessels for demons. Her first recruits possess some army dudes on a bus.

On the side of the road, a woman looks over the engine of her broken car. A man in a van pulls up and offers her a ride into town. She gladly accepts (BECAUSE THAT’S A SMART MOVE). Bonus on the gross predator man? He’s also a vampire. But the young woman is a hunter and dispatches him with ease.

She’s captured by the army demons though. Wherps.

Dean and Sam arrive at the bus. They get a little pushback about investigating —it’s a military case, not a federal one. They have their supervisor, Kevin Solo, give the go ahead. Kevin does his own little investigation and the boys get their clearance.

Once inside the bus, they find the wounds on the dead bodies to be old. Demons. They also find surveillance video of Abaddon.

Abaddon has the other hunter in custody, and she wants answers about Sam and Dean. She gets Dean’s number and Kevin answers. She tells him that she has hunters in her clutches. She’s going to kill them if they don’t come for them.

Sam and Dean task Kevin on learning everything about Knights of Hell and they head to rescue the other hunters.

Crowley continues to sit in the dungeon, reflecting on his brush with being cured and human again. Kevin walks into the storage room by the dungeon. Crowley starts taunting him and Kevin opens the doors.

Sam and Dean find a ghost town. Quick! Somebody find Dean a long coat and a cowboy hat!

They find the hunters trussed up in one of the abandoned shops. Tracy seems nice and would make a great Wayward Sister JUST SAYIN’.

Crowley does what he does best and starts to twist Kevin around his finger. He implies heavily that Kevin’s mother isn’t actually dead.

The Winchesters and their hunter buddies set up for Abaddon’s assault as the army-demons approach. The demons get tricked by the old phone-playing-a-recording trick, buying the hunters a little time to sneak out the back. We learn that Tracy is NOT looking to be BFFs with the Winchesters. Her parents were killed by demons throwing a party commemorating Sam’s release of Lucifer. Uh. Whoops?

Crowley lays out his bargain: if Kevin frees him, he gets his mother back (she’s imprisoned, not dead). Kevin can’t help but listen to it all, including Crowley’s assertion that the Winchesters don’t care about Kevin beyond his usefulness. And honestly at this part of season 9 I gotta say that Crowley has a point.

The hunting parties split up. Dean defends his brother to Tracy. “You gotta know who the real monsters are in this world, kid.” Sam and Irv approach the demons. Irv confesses that he revealed the identities of a bunch of hunters to Abaddon one sad, drunk night. He’s looking to go out in a blaze of glory. His confession earns a shot through the heart from a demon sniper.

Sam gets knocked down by demons and on the other side of the stakeout, Dean gets chucked to the ground by Abaddon.

Tracy fires at the knight of Hell but Abaddon’s suited up with a bullet-proof vest to defend against devil’s trap bullets. Dean sends Tracy to his car for a resupply, then gets ready for a heart to heart with Abaddon, angel blade in hand.

Sam continues to have a no good very bad day, up against the rest of the demons. (Don’t worry, he’s Sam Fucking Winchester, so we’re good.) Abaddon gets a good hold on Dean by the hair (BRB off to write some Abaddon/Dean fanfic!) and compliments him on being obedient AND “suicidally stupid.”

“Are we gonna fight or make out?” Dean asks, “‘Cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here.”

Abaddon wants Crowley on a plate and she’ll kill Dean quick. OR she’ll peel off Dean’s tattoo and possess his ass. She taunts him with all the horrors she’ll inflict on others while possessing him - and making sure he’s aware of every last bit.

Sam’s doing poorly. Apparently he forgot his middle name at home that morning (the trials are still affecting him, poor lamb). But not to fear! Ezekiel pushes his way forward and Sam’s eyes flash blue. It’s time to smite some demons. (LOL remember when angels were super powerful creatures that everyone feared and nobody could kill? Those were good times.)

Abaddon witnesses the angelic explosion, chucks Dean through a shop window, and disappears.

Back at the diner, Ezekiel surveys his demon-killing work and defends his smiting to Dean. He was only protecting Sam. Dean looks like a spooked cat talking to him.

Ezekiel insists that Sam is fine and won’t remember anything. Dean feels regrets about...everything. (It is his number one personality trait.) Maybe they should have closed Hell - all the demons running around the world are his fault because he wanted to save his brother instead. Ezekiel (Dean: “I’m gonna call you Zeke.”) insists that Dean did it out of love. Dean stops looking like a scared cat and starts blustering instead. “I'm not really with the whole, uh, love, and... love.” DEAN BEAN. (Praise to season 14!)

A little bit later, Dean packs up weapons in the diner while Sam wakes up. He tells Sam that he killed all the demons and Sam’s shocked. “You killed three demons? Alone?” LOL season nine! Tracy pulls up with Baby and DAMN GIRL you got to drive her. She checks on Sam’s welfare in a reasonably friendly manner. Dean, you won her over with the power of FRIENDSHIP! (Shut up, I have not seen too much My Little Pony.)

The Winchesters arrive at the bunker with some booze and a bucket of chicken. They call for Kevin immediately and when he doesn’t answer they race down to the dungeon. They find a very pissed off and somewhat bloody Crowley. Crowley immediately offers up names of demons and gives them a deal - they scratch his back, he scratches theirs. But the first demon names are because playing with Kevin was so much fun for him. “Wind him up, watch him go.” Dean races upstairs to find Kevin walking out of the bunker. To convince Kevin to stay, Dean delivers such compelling arguments as:

Crowley lies

If Kevin’s mom is alive, then she might as well be dead

It’s dangerous outside the bunker

They need him

Oooof Dean. Not a winning argument, there. Kevin jumps on the last point.

Dean insists that they need Kevin because he’s family and they’d die for him. He successfully talks Kevin into staying and meets up with Sam. Sam’s reflecting on Tracy’s dislike of him. Dean tells Sam that he’s done more good than bad. “Here’s to now,” Dean says. The bold future!

“The fallen angels?” Sam asks. “Abaddon? Cas losing his halo, Crowley in our basement?”

“Crap. We're living in a freaking sitcom,” Dean says. UH I would watch the HELL out of that show.

Sam decides that he’s feeling good and life is good. I’m so glad to see Sam in such a healthy place! Thank goodness both Winchesters are in a good mental state. LOL, kidding, Dean drinks his feelings as the episode fades to black.

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Everything’s Fine and Nothing Quotes:

Can't wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S A M into S & M

Then we all go out for ice cream and strippers

What's the matter, hellhound got your tongue?

I'm Kevin freaking Solo

I torture all my friends. It’s how I show love

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#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 9x02 #devil may care #dean winchester #sam winchester #kevin tran #abaddon #crowley #supernatural season 9

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