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blue-likethebird · 8 months

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Reusing the memory system from botw for the tears of the dragon storyline in totk was such a terrible decision on so many different levels that it’s honestly kind of impressive.

While the botw memory system had flaws of its own, there was one small but significant thing that worked in its favour: botw’s memories were largely separate from the main plot in the past, and have absolutely no bearing on the story being told in the present. Aside from a few specific instances (ie the calamity striking, the ceremony, Link and Zelda becoming closer) the memories are all self-contained moments that emphasize character development over driving the story. Because there’s no major narrative throughline between them, it gives players more freedom to discover in any order regardless of how much they’ve progressed through the main quest without running the risk of stumbling across a memory that ruins something else later on in the game.

(This got long so the rest of my analysis is going under the cut.)

The biggest change between the memories from botw and the dragon’s tears from totk is definitely what kind of information these cutscenes relay to you as the player. Botw’s memories are primarily snapshots of small interpersonal moments that hold very little significance to the greater narrative taking place in the past. Totk’s memories are the greater narrative. With only one major exception -that I’ll touch on in a sec-, every cutscene in the dragon’s tears shows a crucial moment of story development with no time left to explore the characters driving that story forwards. There’s no organic moment revealing, say, a quirk of Rauru’s that Mineru finds annoying, or Sonia’s sense of humour, or any of our literal Main Villain Ganondorf’s motivations for going to war with Hyrule. If there’s any moments of character focus they only happen in ways that advance the plot (meaning the only real character focus is on the characters totk wants the entire universe to orbit around, namely Rauru and Zelda), and as such it’s harder to bring myself to care about what happens to anyone.

To illustrate the point I’m trying to make here, compare the memories of the champions Link regains during the divine beast quests to the conversations with the ancient sages at the end of each temple. The memories make passing mentions of the ongoing preparations for the calamity, but the real purpose of those scenes is to showcase who the champions were as people before their deaths and give us a reason to mourn them, even though we know at the start of our journey that they’re all long gone. In contrast, the conversations with the ancient sages are all about the events of the imprisoning war and their promise to Zelda that their descendants will come to Link’s aid in the future, very obviously copy pasted for each of the five times that cutscene is brought up (which is a particularly egregious moment of bad quest design but that’s a rant for another time) in such a way that none of the 5 incarnations of that cutscene reveal anything new about the ancient sages as characters, to the point where none of them even show their faces. I care about Daruk because the game shows me that he cares deeply about the wellbeing of his fellow champions and brings out the best in others. So why should I care about the nameless, faceless sage of water? What’s there to move me about their struggles if my only interactions with the sages are a series of exposition dumps? If the game can’t give me a reason to sincerely care about its main characters, the whole rest of the story is meaningless.

(As an aside, I get the feeling someone on the dev team caught on to the issue I’m describing here, because the tea party memory sticks out like a sore thumb from the rest of the dragon tear cutscenes. It’s such a jarring change of pace to have the otherwise plot-heavy dragon’s tears come screeching to a halt for a scene where Sonia sits down with Zelda to have a cute little tea party and talk about absolutely nothing of significance that the whole thing almost seems like it was hastily tacked on to the story later. Given that the next (chronological) memory sees Sonia fall victim to an unceremonious death by chiropractor, it feels like someone realized that Sonia really doesn’t do or say much in the scenes before she dies and threw together the tea party scene so players would have at least one moment to look back on fondly when she’s fridged. But I digress)

The story told in the dragon’s tears is a highly linear one. But the open-ended nature of botw’s memory system remains, meaning that these tears can be found and viewed in any order. At first this doesn’t seem so bad, since the first two tears you’re likely to find if you follow the game’s intended path are also the chronological first and second of the memories you can discover through these geoglyph tears. But after those first two, the game kinda gives up on guiding you towards these tears in a way that flows well with the story they wrote: the closest tear geographically to the two the game initially guides you towards correlates to one of the penultimate scenes of that entire storyline, while the next scene chronologically is found almost halfway across the map. As such, it’s all but guaranteed that you’ll spoil yourself in some way without using either a guide or the (somewhat unintuitive and never fully explained by the game) little map in the forgotten temple. Finding memories in order didn’t matter so much in botw because the scenes you could find still worked well as standalone scenes before you discovered every memory and pieced together the full picture, and the game is never trying to surprise me about the characters’ fates at the end of this storyline: hell the first memory you’re guided to shows the calamity striking. But in contrast, viewing a dragon’s tear at the wrong time can completely ruin the story they’re trying to tell in those cutscenes. During my playthrough, for example, the first tear I found after the game stopped guiding me to them showed Ganondorf removing Sonia’s stone from her dead body. At this point I had known Sonia existed for all of like an hour, so every subsequent appearance she made was ruined for me by the fact that I already knew she was nothing but cannon fodder to be killed off for the sake of another character’s pain (Rauru and Zelda a-fucking-gain). I expected to be pissed that it was so easy to spoil myself, or maybe sad in passing that a character with her potential was so underutilized, but instead I just felt… tired. I wasn’t even halfway to the first settlement and already I was completely numb to the story the game was trying to tell.

But the worst was yet to come. And oh boy was it ever a low point for storytelling in the Zelda series. Remember how I said up above that the memories in botw had no connection to the story in the present? Let’s just say the same cannot be said for the dragon’s tears.

It’s May 2023. I’ve just finished the sage of wind questline. I still have hope that the story the game is trying to tell will be good. Deciding that I’ll go to Goron city next, I head towards the Thyplo skyview tower to expand my map, catch a glimpse of a nearby geoglyph from the air, and glide over to check it out. This geoglyph shows me a memory that not only recaps the entire dragon tear storyline, but also ends on a bit of foreshadowing about Zelda’s fate that’s about as subtle as a brick to the fucking face. By exploring -the thing the game claims it prioritized above all else in the design of its world and quests- I’d once again been hit with spoilers for a major story detail.

My main objective in this game is to find Zelda. It’s the only driving factor behind my journey towards all these different regions. The current big mystery I’m supposed to solve is why Zelda’s causing so much hell for the people of Hyrule. I now knew exactly where she was and what the deal with her appearances in other parts of Hyrule was, and I’d found it completely by accident by doing something the game says over and over again that it wants me to do. Unlike with Sonia’s death, this time I was a mess of emotions. I was pissed the fuck off that this open-world game had punished me twice already for trying to explore. More than that, I was disappointed that a game I had been so excited to play, from a series I had so many fond memories of, had let me down like this. With every subsequent quest where the sages and I chased a Zelda I knew was fake to our next objective, and every NPC wondering where she was that I couldn’t tell the truth to, that disappointment grew. The entire rest of the main story was ruined for me before I had progressed past 1/4th of the regional quests and a third of the dragon’s tears. There was no more sense of anticipation or mystery. I finished the rest of the game with a bitter taste in my mouth and haven’t touched it again since.

Do I think this story could have been good? Honestly, I don’t know, and by now I don’t really care either (that’s a lie. I care so so much and that’s probably why I hate totk as much as I do). But it’s all irrelevant, because like Cinderella’s stepsister cutting off her own heel so she can cram her foot into a glass slipper that’s never going to fit, totk is sabotaged by the devs’ insistence that everything fit itself into a world they custom-made for botw. This isn’t a new formula that the series is following, it’s Nintendo slapping a new coat of paint on an existing skeleton, and I’m not optimistic to see what this particular approach has in store for the Zelda series. Especially not at the price they’re charging for it.

#bluebird.txt #salt of the kingdom #totk critical #long post #totk salt #totk spoilers #apologies to my followers for the long-ass whatever this is #I do think about things that aren’t how much I hate this game I’m just in a mood lmao #negative #it’s fine if you disagree I just had to put my thoughts in words

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therainscene · 5 months

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There upon a rainbow is the answer to a Neverending Story: Will's time-travelling coming-of-age

[Spoilers for The First Shadow ahead, though they don't begin until after the cut. And obligatory disclaimer that I haven't seen the play for myself yet.]

Will Byers is a character haunted by his past.

I mean, obviously, right? After the awful events of S1, Zombie Boy finds himself getting literally hunted down by a giant metaphor for trauma; by S3, when all his friends are starting to grow up, Will is still clinging pathetically to childhood escapism while that trauma metaphor continues to bristle under his skin.

That's not to say that Will's refusal to conform to other people's ideas of what growing up means isn't one of his strengths -- but there's a difference between that and refusing to grow up at all, and Will is very much digging his stubborn little heels in when it comes to the inevitable changes of adolescence.

Because Will is also a character haunted by his future.

As a gay boy growing up in an era that despises gay men, Will's fate has been quite clearly spelled out for him: if he's lucky, he'll just be looked down upon as a pervert; if he's not, he'll get murdered or become an AIDS statistic.

It's hard not to be a late bloomer when you know how quickly undesirable flowers get pruned.

So the prickling at the back of his neck doesn't just flare up in moments that remind him of his past, but also in moments that remind him of his future.

The dark intimacy of the cinema and the sweltering eroticism of the sauna remind him that his feelings for Mike are developing into something new and terrifying...

...while Milevn's heteronormative antics remind him of how unlikely it is that Mike would ever want that sort of future with him anyway.

Even his debriefing on the Mind Flayer's return hints towards his struggle to accept this truth about himself:

Will describes his encounters with the Mind Flayer as like being frozen in place, and I think that applies to his timeline too: the Shadow surrounds him on both sides, boxing him in, preventing him from moving forward or backward.

The only temporal direction open to him is sideways... towards that equally frozen realm the Shadow came from in the first place.

And he's not the only one in this predicament.

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Like Will, Henry was trapped in an alternate dimension as a child, and like Will, the Mind Flayer followed him home and possessed him -- allowing past and future to torment his adolescent self in tandem.

Brenner pressures and manipulates young Henry to give in to the dark urges demanded by the Shadow, sending him helplessly down the path towards becoming Vecna.

It's the classic self-fulfilling prophecy that dooms many a "difficult" (traumatized/neurodivergent/queer) child whom the adults in their life have no idea how to handle: Henry is deemed too broken to be worth treating with patience or compassion, and when the abuse finally does break him... well, that's just proof they were right about him all along.

The Shadow possessing Henry in 1959 somehow presents not as a formless cloud of particles, but as the spider monster he himself would shape twenty years later...

...and I think this is evidence of a predestination loop.

El didn't just banish Henry to Dimension X, but sent him back in time, allowing him to create the same monster that possessed him as a child. The Shadow was never an alien -- it was a manifestation of Henry's worst possible future, bootstrapped into existence by Brenner's meddling.

Note that this means El is also trapped in a self-creating loop:

If El hadn't used her powers to send Henry to Dimension X, then he never would have been able to sabotage his own childhood... which means Henry might never have become an asset to Brenner, which means Terry would never have been injected with Henry's blood, which means El would never have been born with powers.

To be clear: I'm not saying that El or Henry brought this on themselves.

This is all an allegory for the cycle of abuse, so the self-sabotage going on here isn't about these characters literally being to blame for what Brenner did to them, but about how they self-blame: internalizing the abuse and perpetuating harm in turn.

Let's return to Will and consider one of the show's biggest mysteries: why was he taken in S1?

The play heavily implies that Henry's powers were acquired in Dimension X, and outright states that the lab kids' powers came from Henry's blood, so it's unlikely that Will was born with powers.

Maybe Will was just in the wrong place at the wrong time... but then why was it so important that this random kid be spared from Vecna's plans to kill everyone in S2? Perhaps something happened during his week in the Upside Down that made him an asset to Vecna... but given the similarities between Will's connection to the Mind Flayer and Henry's, I propose an alternative explanation:

Whatever made Will a target in S1 is something that won't happen until S5. Because Will is also trapped in a predestination loop.

If predestination loops are what happens when a self-sabotager is linked to the supernatural, then frankly it's almost impossible for Will not to be trapped in one.

Every season since returning from the Upside Down, Will has sacrificed himself to help his friends fight the horrors... and all three of those sacrifices have been deeply entwined with his feelings for Mike.

In S2, Will was willing to die to save his friends from the Mind Flayer after Mike's heartfelt monologue broke through his possession.

In S3, Will bottled up all the pain he was feeling after his fight with Mike and refused to address it again once he realized the party was going to need his help with the Mind Flayer.

And in S4, Will pretended that his painting was actually from El in an attempt to support Mike -- and save the day once it started to look like a S2-esque monologue from Mike was needed once again.

Over and over, Will takes the love he feels for another boy and channels it into The Greater Heteronormative Good as though he's trying to atone for something. But the older he gets, the less effective that becomes:

S2's sacrifice was crucial to saving the day.

S3's sacrifice was helpful... but like... his role was to be a glorified Geiger counter; he didn't exactly need to shut down emotionally to pull it off.

S4's sacrifice did fuck all to save the day, and he definitely didn't need to meddle with Milevn's relationship by injecting a lie into it -- the painting could have passed as platonic if he wanted.

If this pattern holds, then we can expect Will's next move to start causing harm.

I usually interpret Troy's above line as Vecna foreshadowing... but what if it's actually foreshadowing how Will's nearly-adult self is going to start the chain of events that lead to 12 year-old Will's kidnapping?

Homophobes often accuse gay men of being a threat to children, which is rich because homophobia is the actual threat to children. In his desperate efforts to suppress the desires that make him a target to homophobes, all Will has accomplished is to hurt himself on homophobes' behalf. He's become a homophobe.

And thus he dooms an innocent child to needless horrors.

It's tempting to believe that Will's S5 coming-of-age is going to involve breaking the loop and undoing all the horrible things that happened...

...But I don't think this is likely to be the sort of time travel story in which the past can be undone. For one thing, Will breaking the loop would also undo the entirety of Stranger Things; for another, this show isn't really about defeating abuse so much as surviving it.

My bet would be that Will can't destroy the loop any more than he can destroy 80s homophobia. But once the loop completes, he'll also be free to leave it in the past and take a brave step into the future -- one in which he fully accepts his right to be in love and lust with a boy.

As scary as that future is...

...he might be pleasantly surprised by what he finds there.

#stranger things #the first shadow #time travel #byler #will byers #henry creel #el hopper #mike wheeler #mind flayer #my analysis #tfs spoilers

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sepublic · 1 year

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The way Willow and Boscha were opposites, one seemingly weak and demure, the other dominating and aggressive. And in an attempt to move on from her traumatic identity, to get as far from that as possible, Willow came closer to overcompensating, resulting in the toxic mentality that Boscha herself notices a direct parallel in. And a lot of Willow’s earlier development came from ignoring Boscha and not believing in what she said, so when Boscha says she’s starting to be like her, obviously Willow must ignore that!

(Makes me wonder if Boscha wasn’t always like this, if she too low-key started off the same as Willow and was one of two dark end points to that trauma, the other being openly succumbing to an inferiority complex.)

And the fact that ever since Any Sport in a Storm, we’ve discussed how Hunter is a unique relationship to Willow because he’s someone who’s only ever known her as the strong leader Willow wants and chooses to be, with previous friends admittedly mostly intimate with that other side. But this appreciation for Hunter’s perception also means that Willow is deathly afraid of breaking that and having Hunter eventually start approaching her with that same understanding of Willow as someone who is struggling first and foremost.

So Willow is so desperately trying to move on from that traumatic past that she’s gone back into denial and repression all over again, her greatest flaw. Willow is so afraid of betraying her growth, so afraid of relapsing that in her effort to avoid it, she does exactly that, becomes that which she swore to destroy in Boscha. And Willow’s resolution with Hunter comes into play, because we’ve already seen Gus, Luz, and Amity tell Willow that it’s okay to show vulnerability.

But to hear this from Hunter, whom Willow wants to maintain this clean, ‘fresh start’ perception of her as abridged from that? Only for him to say, no, your softness, your vulnerabilities do not contradict my understanding of you as this, nor is my love conditional on how ‘powerful’ I consider you. To hear that being strong and showing vulnerability are NOT mutually-exclusive, preventing the pit Boscha fell into. Willow realizing she can still be someone strong and admirable to Hunter, without having to tightly control how others perceive her in order to be seen that way? Impeccable.

Plus, the memory photos she tries to burn, only to be making more photos for the group in Thanks to Them? Willow’s arc really has been about overcoming, accepting, and coming to terms with her trauma and the shadow it casts over her life and future. To realize that she can still be her own person from that without having to constantly define herself in opposition to the perception she fears, just as Hunter did when grappling with being a clone.

However they turn out, is still them, and any similarities to that past identity don’t have to mean anything. Everyone is vulnerable regardless of whether they’ve had a past mired with belittlement for being lesser. You don’t need to be a clone of a witch hunter to be kind, and if he WAS kind, it’s because of you, not him.

And again; So much of Hunter’s arc is coming to terms with his trauma. As is Willow’s, and like… No wonder they’re made for each other. No wonder Hunter was ignorant of his family’s true past, while Willow denied her own and even her present feelings. These two y’all.

#the owl house #willow park #huntlow #the owl house hunter #the owl house boscha #parallels #foils #character analysis #meta

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taylortruther · 2 months

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Did it feel like her songs about Joe were starting to get redundant? By the time Midnights came out I was surprised we were hearing another two songs about the breakup/make up period in the beginning, another song about the beginning when they were falling in love, another three songs about how the relationship is great if the world stays out of it, another song about the Afterglow I-thought-he-cheated moment, and another song about how it wasn't supposed to work but it did. It really struck me that the Joe parts of Midnights were dedicated to not giving us any kind of update or really new information. It was all either about their beginnings again or 'everything's perfect except for the media nothing to see here.' She found a couple new angles on it, like Mastermind, but she was mining the same ground she'd been sifting through for four albums already. At the time it struck me as odd that she was deliberately avoiding any real update, but I thought she was just committed to privacy and refused to go into any other part of their relationship that wasn't already known (which is entirely her right). But obviously it turned out to be much more complicated than that and the mysterious gap makes perfect sense now.

i noticed the beginning was really fertile ground for her, but it didn't really strike me as unusual or concerning. the 2016-2019 period of her life was HARD. it was obvious, to me, she was probably processing that stuff all the time because for her, it never went away.

additionally, folkmore's fictional narratives and midnights' reflections on the past still reflect her mental landscape at the time of writing (tolerate it, coney island, bejeweled, champagne problems, hoax say hello.) so i'd argue she was treading new ground and writing about some of their issues even if it wasn't strictly autobiographical.

plus, as super fans, i think we get caught in the minutiae and don't see the big picture. let's pull back and look at the story her albums told about their relationship, in stages:

2016: joe and taylor meet and fall in love 2017: reputation is released and, among other things, it's about joe being sexy and wonderful and not caring that she was "crazy" or cancelled 2019: masters situation happens also 2019: lover is released and it's about taylor recovering from the cancellation, fighting her demons, admitting she self-sabotages, but we also get songs implying they want to get married! makes sense, it's 2-3 years of dating now. we also, notably, get a song about her wanting to step back out into the world! 2020: pandemic! sorry, daylight! also 2020: folklore and evermore are released and are about, among other things!, how she fears her life is too big for joe to handle but she is still planning a future with him (peace, the lakes, which both feel more present to me.) makes sense, they have obviously talked marriage and KIDS, things are getting very real. but, to your point, evermore in particular reasserts that they were lucky to find each other in the beginning (clm, lss, evermore.) 2021: renegade discusses joe's shit - we now understand that he has his own struggles and clearly describes a very recent/present conflict ("timing") 2022: in midnights, we get songs about the early honeymoon phase (lavender haze), and about how he is still a respite from it all (sweet nothing, mentions a recent trip to wicklow.) 2023: ylm drops (written in dec 2021), we also get the alcott - both implying conflict and a couple trying or failing to reconnect. makes sense, it's been like 6-7 years! couples go through shit!

...no, this isn't the WHOLE story. but it feels like a satisfying one, and not one where she was simply recycling topics. to me anyway.

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horse-girl-anthy · 7 months

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Mikage: Boy of the Black Rose

I've long struggled to write about Mikage, who I find to be an intriguing yet elusive character. or rather, his character is understandable--his motives and feelings are communicated clearly enough--but his narrative is one of the most inexplicable in RGU. thinking it over tonight, I put my finger on one aspect of the Black Rose arc which I previously didn't know how to approach: specifically, Mikage's relationship with the Boys of the Black Rose.

the boys act as a kind of collective character, a mass of faceless people who whisper in dark corners. since RGU is about social reality, it often uses extras to deliver exposition or set the mood. the Shadow Girls are meta characters, existing somewhat outside the narrative, but regular schoolgirls at Ohtori can serve a similar purpose. they might demonstrate that Touga and Saionji are considered the hottest boys in school, or gossip about Ruka and Shiori's recent breakup.

the Boys of the Black Rose are slightly different, maybe a little closer to the Shadow Girls. rather than acting as bit characters in the larger world of Ohtori campus, I believe their existence is contigent on Mikage. while this could be put in various ways, in the most straightforward terms, the writers created them to help reflect on Mikage's character.

only one Black Rose Boy is given a face: the first one Mikage (Nemuro) talks to. when Mikage asks not to be called "professor," since they are the same age, the boy replies:

obviously, RGU relies on making its main characters visually distinct from "normal people." Wakaba calls them "special" and resents them. Utena is popular for her specialness, well-liked; in contrast, Mikage is an outcast for his. for a person to be special or a genius, there must be others for them to stand in opposition to. Mikage is set apart from his peers by his pink hair, by his unique uniform, and by being a professor.

after Mikage is introduced to his new work, the boys begin to gossip about him, saying he knows nothing about what's really going on at Ohtori. towards the end of this conversation, there's a shot of Mikage, and then he actually replies from the future to the gossip they were spreading about him.

this is Mikage's eternal reality: his recollection of the past. even during the "present" of Utena's narrative, he is still walking through Nemuro Memorial Hall, which is why it's still standing, unburned. the Boys of the Black Rose that the audience sees are filtered through Mikage's memory; whether or not the boys really said these things about him is ambigous. it's possible, but the important fact is that Mikage believes they did.

this transpersonal mirroring keeps Mikage trapped, unchanging. he feels himself defined as unable to connect with others, so he keeps away from them. this becomes a self-perpetuating cycle, leaving Mikage a total outcast.

even outcasts, however, are members of society. the Boys of the Black Rose actually have more in common with Mikage than the average Ohtori student. they're all scientists working on the same project. they have much of his coldness, sense of superiority, and intellectualism. the main difference is that they're the in-group.

while Mikage believes himself to be emotionless, it's made clear that his social isolation hurts him. he doesn't want to be set apart, but he doesn't know how to break through the barrier between him and others. it's very easy to do a queer reading of the character, given the way this is conveyed to the audience.

Mikage's fixation on Tokiko and Mamiya is easier to undestand with all this in mind. the world he was living in, occupied by the Boys of the Black Rose, was a cold and alienated one. in contrast, Tokiko has genuine passion, caring for her brother deeply. Tokiko's tears move Mikage, allowing his own buried emotions to break through the surface. but she also reinforces his social isolation; he is equally as hurt by her as he is drawn to her.

this is part of why Mikage is so determined to "defeat" Tokiko; she offered him hope of connection, but he was never able to "win" her, as men so often try to do with women.

Mamiya is something else altogether; a boy, like Mikage and the Black Rose Boys, but altogether different. warm, friendly to Mikage, not intimidated by his intelligence or reputation, and insightful. in a show full of characters obsessed with holding on (to the past, to a person, to their self-image), Mamiya is the only one who can see the wisdom in letting go.

Mikage at first is open to Mamiya's words, preparing to call off their quest for eternal life. but like every character who threatens the system in RGU, he is faced with Akio. in a prototype of the later "End of the World" sequences, Mikage comes across the kissing Tokiko and Akio. this proves to be too much for him; there are some things he can't afford to lose.

the scene has significance to Mikage far beyond disappointment in love. he wanted to create a family with Tokiko and Mamiya; marriage to Tokiko would tie them together "forever." if he could be by Tokiko's side as they lost Mamiya, then at least he wouldn't be alone after his death. but if he's only Tokiko's coworker, when their work is done, he's back to being a computer.

in desperation, Mikage plays into Akio's hands. under contract, he sacrifices the Boys of the Black Rose and burns down the hall that bears his name. when justifying himself to Tokiko, he claims that this act will allow them to attain eternity. in the events of the series, he's still at it: installing Mamiya as the Rose Bride will, after all, make him eternal, even though it's the very kind of eternity Mamiya wanted nothing to do with.

Mikage retreats into delusions on feeling the sting of Tokiko's rejection. though he is the one who betrayed her, he turns it around and feels betrayed himself. going even further, he casts Mamiya as the one who set the fire.

the Boys of the Black Rose are also used to emphasize his inability to face his own actions. throughout the arc, the boys are seen pushing coffins around. however, in episode 23, Mikage takes their place right before he is forced to face the truth about himself.

at the end of the arc, Miki claims that no one was hurt in the the fire, contradicting the previous story of Nemuro Memorial Hall. this possibly indicates that the murders are a figment of Mikage's imagination--the older Tokiko doesn't seem to react to him as if he's a murderer. more than anything, he seems guilty of self-denial and retreat from reality. Tokiko went on to accept Mamiya's death and even mourned for Mikage, while he ignored her in favor of his memories. the fact that he does not recognize her feelings is another aspect of his tragedy.

Mikage, through his fruitless revolution, loses the very things he always wanted. he attempts to throw away his past self, the cocoon of Nemuro hatching into the butterfly that is Mikage. with it, he burns away the boys who rejected him, who embodied the cold world he used to live in. he uses their sacrifice to enshrine Mamiya, idealizing him as the perfect companion. but as Ikuhara said, he was doomed to fail from the start:

Those who reject that place are, conversely, rejected by it as well. This is the nature of systems: the moment you reject them, you are forced to realize that they’re the very ground you’re standing on. Mikage noticed the trick behind the system, and he hurriedly attempted revisions. But the adult who’d created the system just said “Let’s not,” and unilaterally brought the curtain down.

the "trick within the system," is, I think, the fact that it's socially constructed. Mikage believed that on realizing this, he could simply remake the world as he wanted. he was allowed to do so for a time, when it was useful. when he ceased to be useful, he was dispatched with, because while he had operated within the system, he was not in control of it. and beneath his delusions, there was still a reality.

Mikage is the true Boy of the Black Rose: the true ghost, the true sacrifice, living in the desiccated world of a preserved flower. throughout the arc, he takes possession of Ohtori students who suffer from the same afflictions as him, and every time Utena defeats one of his duelists, another part of him is exorcised--another Black Rose Boy burned away. in the end, the only thing left of him is the ruin of Nemuro Memorial Hall, shown briefly in the final episode. he graduates at Ohtori, but only after losing absolutely everything. that seems to be the only way to step into adulthood: naked and shivering, like the day we are born.

#rgu #revolutionary girl utena #commentary

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let-us-cultivate-our-garden · 5 months

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The Caleb and Golden Guard Ghost or Illusion in For the Future is interpreted differently by fans and haters of Belos those who think he pure evil thought it was their ghosts haunting him for his sins while those who like him thought it was repressed guilt this has done nothing to help Belos’s reputation in the fandom and unless your chronically online those were illusions and to top it all off it was never mention again and Papa Titan dismissed him and some fans take his words as true. I think the Crew being vague on Belos Past and how sympathetic he is, is the main downfall of the show writing and one of the reason why Belos fans get bullied

I feel like that's just a problem with Belos in general; casual fans and those who dislike see him as simply evil and nothing more. But fans who were invested in the potential of his character and story obviously saw something more and the show was just vague enough to make convincing arguments that there was more to him.

It is extremely frustrating to have canonical facts such as the Wittebanes only becoming witch hunters to fit in, which has huge implications for their story and the themes of the show, only for that to never be mentioned again and for Masha to undercut their own story about how "little bro was jealous of big bro."

It feels like they're trying to have their cake and eat it too, by hinting at more subtle characterization only to ignore all that and have Belos act as their Generic Bad Guy Who Represents Societal Evils.

I don't think that the writing of Belos is the main downfall of the show, I think it's just a symptom of it. The show struggles with characterization by having characters not experience actual development but switching to a different character type. Eda goes from infamous criminal to Mama Eda but she doesn't spend enough quality time with Luz to justify the change. Lilith goes from intimidating head of the Emperor's Coven to history nerd who becomes besties with the resident joke character (let's also not forget how the show largely brushed aside the fallout of Eda's curse and Lilith having to share it just to atone). Hunter spends a few episodes as the Golden Guard and then he's Sad Boy Who is Abused. I've said before that the season 1 version (or first appearance in Hunter's case) of these characters are at their most interesting and unique but by the end, they're reduced to just generically nice people.

The villains, for better or worse, don't suffer this switch. They're exactly what they're presented as despite a few tantalizing details that would suggest otherwise. The end result is a bunch of characters who act as the plot requires them too, not because of actual character growth or dynamics.

On a separate note, I don't think Belos fans are bullied because his writing is sloppy. Even if he was more explicitly sympathetic, people would still find an excuse to harass fans. I think bullies just want to make people feel bad for engaging with media in a way that is different from theirs and no amount of "justification" can excuse that. People like villains, get over it. The kind of media and characters people enjoy usually has nothing to do with their morality. But how you treat real people certainly does.

#asks #the owl house #toh critical #toh criticism #emperor belos #philip wittebane #belosfanstakeover

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brainrawt · 11 days

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Layla 6x08 - my reaction

I am so happy to see Layla in therapy, and appreciative that she got such consideration in an episode about Billy giving letters to the other kids.

I love that we’re asking questions! I love questioning what we watch, dissecting it, I love exploring character dynamics and relationships, and we have so many in this show. I love talking about my favourite couple clearly, so I love them talking about it too. We missed some conversations surrounding their engagement given it was a surprise proposal and then there was a time-jump to them just getting on with it, I'm pleased to address it now. I mentioned this in my 5x20 posts that I wanted to hear from them about their engagement, and honestly a lot of the doubts I had back then have kind of been relinquished now.

“Why did you propose to me?” So earnest, so vulnerable. Layla is trying to make sense of everything and she’s building ground up. “Do you love me more than you loved her [...]” We know so much about how Layla struggles to put her trust in others and accept their love and she did watch Jordan be in love and fail at marriage once on top of all the other relationships they've seen and been in, she needs to KNOW why this will be different (I asked for exactly this!). Not just want it to be, think it will be, but KNOW it will be successful. The whole conversation, Jordan was so tense and scared of what she might say, he’s scared by her questions because the answers, “Because I love you, obviously” “Layla I fell in love with YOU”, "We take care of each other", are very obvious and clear to him, but not to her. Depression can cloud your perspective and thinking. Asking the questions is so active, not passive, not avoidant, just such an effort on her part and so much progress in my opinion.

We’re REALLY sitting right up in there with her in this therapy session, exploring her struggles thoroughly and step by step. We’re not getting a snippet or a reference to it, we’re getting all of it, what a privilege. She’s so vulnerable in this space. Layla goes around as this mini grown-up, running businesses and handling herself, but it’s not true. She really is just that little girl, this flashback brought back that depth to her. A scene of her discussing her mum in therapy? Come on. SOO head-on, SOO true, so so honest and deep and so fucking good. What we’re learning about Layla, it’s new and different but all makes sense and adds to her and reveals what she carries at all times. She lost her mum, but she inherited her depression, and that journey unfolded after her death so only had memories to reconcile it all with. “What if I don't want to remember?” She is stripping all defences. As for the memory itself…

TRUE CINEMA!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST SCENE EVER ???! SO GOOD SO DEEP and genuinely so profound. I was holding my breath throughout the scene, the way Greta portrayed the aching sadness was phenomenal. I saw Jordan and thought it was just a parallel to their present. When the camera pans to Layla, I’ll actually never forget it, I jumped. In this one scene, we’re seeing Layla past AND future. We’re seeing her true memory AND her own fears. She is present in the one scene in TWO pov’s, she is the baby girl AND she is the mother. A masterpiece. How much is she in control right now? Is she able to manipulate the memory at all? How much is Layla and how much is Monica? How she breaks when she says “Not for her…” makes me question. Before she even understood what depression means, Layla has felt like she couldn’t keep her mum alive, and has carried that all this time. The dad says “Layla needs you.” Yes childhood Layla needed her mum, current Layla needs future Layla to show she can get up, future Layla’s daughter needs her, current Layla still needs her mum! It’s grief and anxiety and so many other things. I am just in shock watching this, I never expected them to reach so deep inside of her, she's baring her whole soul to us! And obviously I’m giggling a bit at seeing Jordayla with a daughter hehe. Truly a standout scene to me, the best I can recall seasons and seasons.

She has clarity, she has selfdom and reflections and convictions; you look at me like that, you are not my dad. The convictions are real; you’ve seen all of me, we’ll be okay, I’m not my mum. She knows, I don’t want to be like my parents, I want to marry you, I need time. She has asked all the questions and done the digging and building and they have led her back, to here, to Jordan. Such clear communication in so many words, not only apologies and reassurances but laid out feelings and thoughts! I've been looking forward to this.

The way Jordan says “I sprung the proposal on you” is unshakeable. He’d take back the happiest moment of his life to save her any pain. “The thought of marrying me made you (that) unhappy?”, “You don't want to marry me.” Him saying the hard words, it’s part of the out. He’s letting her off from having to say it. He’ll even break his heart himself to spare her that much! A minute ago he was joking about should he be worried that she has all those breakup phrases, and a minute later he is in all seriousness offering to break their engagement, for her. He'll give her any length of time, he’ll let her go entirely.

The episode has left me feeling a little insane. Time to digest it a bit more slowly and I’ll probably be back with more to say haha.

#all american #layla keating #jordayla

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typellblog · 5 months

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Nisemonogatari - An Analysis

Being a siscon really did not help with this one.

With Kizu I could somewhat pretend that it was its own isolated arc despite the absurd length, but as the cast ever-expands it becomes more and more difficult to act as though I’m only writing about one character at a time here.

Indeed, we even have mini-scenes for each of our previous heroines. These are deeply oriented around fanservice, albeit in a way that actually also contributes to the characterisation of everyone spotlighted here. (Not that I can say the same for those involving his sisters, later.)

Hitagi gets to indulge her most sadistic impulses in a way I don’t think we ever see again beyond this point, Kaiki serving as both catalyst for her kidnapping Koyomi and catalyst for her changing in a more substantial way in the future.

The mystery of Hachikuji continuing to hang around is once again raised, along with ominous foreshadowing of what this might mean for her future. She starts to emerge as a surprisingly mature character, her gags more obviously deliberate, her advice surprisingly helpful.

Nadeko is given a chance to pursue her one-sided crush on Koyomi. Her techniques are childish but reveal a surprising amount of . . . cunning? Malice? Foreshadowing for her later arcs. In any case, Koyomi remains completely oblivious.

I think the most interesting part of Kanbaru’s scene here is an indication that she’s not as much of a pervert as she presents herself to Koyomi as, and indeed to Koyomi is the operative term here, because as we hear from Hanekawa when Koyomi tries doing impressions of his friends (great scene, shame it was cut in the anime), Koyomi might have quite a different impression of Kanbaru than others do.

Speaking of Hanekawa, she’s the only one that seems to be actually folded into the main plot this time, but simultaneously she feels like she’s growing more distant. She doesn’t get a directly horny treatment like the other characters, instead focusing on a gag about giving Koyomi permission to touch her boobs, but if he ever uses it she’ll hate him forever. Notably it establishes a completely different dynamic to her totally accepting attitude in Kizumonogatari.

Her character growth is significant, putting aside the stereotypical class president look in favour of a more ‘normal’ one, arguably something she’s wanted to do for a while. She had a sort of . . . lack of self-awareness of her own abnormality, before. Her role here is as a positive role model, I guess, for the entire set of Araragi siblings. If they’re fakes, she’s the real deal. If they need to be aware of their own weakness and inferiority, she needs to become conscious of her own strength.

This, of course, doesn’t really make sense until we take a proper look at our arc character.

Karen Bee

To be blunt I struggle to bring myself to like Karen. She feels fake to me.

I find myself in a similar position to Koyomi in some ways, the mentions of his sisters peppered into the Kizumonogatari novel triggering my own weird sense of jealousy/inferiority.

In theory, I should like Karen. She resembles nobody more closely than Emiya Shirou, probably my favourite protagonist of all time. Although, to avoid the risk of derailing into another Fate/Stay Night essay, I’ll make a different comparison. Someone who himself gets compared to Emiya Shirou all the time.

Koyomi Araragi.

How come I’m able to get invested into this guy’s story, his justice, his self-sacrificing nature, his stupid, corny, but sometimes really cool lines, and not do the same for his sister?

I think on one level the answer is simple - I’ve spent the past four books inhabiting his perspective. I don’t have any context, for Karen. Who is she trying to save, and why? What difficult decisions does she have to make along the way? The Fire Sisters’ escapades are treated as a gag, occasional mentions of them playing Russian roulette with the Mafia or getting into brawls with the police, but nothing solid. Karen’s trying to save the middle schoolers getting scammed by Kaiki, but I don’t care about them. I’m not given any reason to.

That’s just a matter of perspective, though. I don’t find it a particularly convincing argument, when Koyomi tells her that her justice is fake because she only acts on the behalf of others. Is that desire itself not beautiful? If you saw the same people suffering that she did, would you not want to help them, too?

I haven’t been shown any of those people, though. So I don’t get it.

But I’m wasting time with this. I can’t see these people, won’t see them, because I’m living in a different world from Karen. She’s still in middle school, and Koyomi is in high school. This is explicitly called out as being a point of change for him, one where he first began to close himself off to others on account of his self-worth evaporating as he realised the world was more difficult than he had thought.

Karen and Tsukihi don’t have that, yet. They’re missing the key element that’s driven Koyomi’s whole character progression over these previous four books - the fact that he doesn’t have any friends. Lol.

But I mean seriously, you see how the problems Koyomi is faced with operate on a completely different level than those the Fire Sisters try to deal with? They have an idea of a clear and simple evil, one that they’ll go to any ends to defeat.

In comparison - Koyomi isn’t fighting villains. He tries to help the victims of oddities, but they can only save themselves, or so we’re told, making Koyomi seem useless when it comes to the big action scenes. What he struggles to overcome is his vision of himself as a burden, someone whose helpfulness is an unwanted favour and selfishness is a destructive, vampiric urge.

Karen and Tsukihi never once consider the possibility of themselves being burdens. They go off to help people heedless of the potentially destructive consequences (which inevitably seem to result).

Karen’s ‘acting only on the behalf of others’ is fake to Koyomi because he’s already come to terms with his own selfishness. He couldn’t help Kiss-Shot, couldn’t do what she requested, because her request was to die, and he wanted her to live. The Fire Sisters haven’t yet been faced with such a difficult problem, haven’t yet been asked whether their self-sacrifice is really just self-satisfaction. Koyomi is scared of hurting people. All the time. He makes his decisions with that possibility in mind. That’s something he’s just had to accept. The Fire Sisters don’t seem to worry about that at all.

When Koyomi tells Karen that before being right, she must be strong, we initially assume he’s talking about physical strength - the ability to defeat one’s enemies. But looking over Koyomi’s past actions, we’ve seen physical strength prove of little use to him time and time again. What he means is the strength of will to not falter in the face of opposition or difficult choices. He may not have been right, when he chose to keep Kiss-Shot alive. But at least he had the balls to do it.

Hanekawa points out he’s really criticising himself with this one. After all, there are plenty of times where he’s failed to show strength, like his struggle to let the second snake go in Nadeko’s case. He couldn’t commit to one course of action or another and risked getting the worst of both worlds. Hanekawa, in contrast, always commits to the bit, never giving away in the slightest that she had feelings for Koyomi after he started dating Hitagi. She’s almost too strong, that was her problem according to Oshino, and indeed in doing so she ended up hurting herself as much as she helped other people.

She has to be aware of her own strength, not act as though everything she’s doing is perfectly normal, hold off on dragging everyone with her directly to the right answer.

In the same way that Koyomi has to be aware of his own weakness, to know he can’t solve everything on his own, and not be afraid to ask for help.

In the same way that Karen hasn’t quite internalized it, that evil and good aren’t always so obvious, that you need to be ready for getting your ass kicked, and maybe you should have asked a couple of people to come with you.

When Koyomi and Karen fight, he gets the shit beaten out of him, but he still clearly wins. Karen struggles to articulate her viewpoint when faced with an actual objection, and eventually gives in, reassured by Koyomi that he never thought what she was doing was wrong.

Hmmm. I notice that I haven’t discussed Karen’s associated oddity yet, the bee. Interestingly enough, it’s just not that important to her arc. It doesn’t influence her personality or behaviour at all, like many of the other characters’ oddities. It just makes her sick.

Oshino’s old adage proves true to an extent - the bee does appear for a reason, in the sense that Koyomi says it's her own damn fault, for going up against Kaiki alone. She gets what she deserves! A bit harsh, perhaps. It’s also her own fault in the sense that her overactive imagination is part of what stimulates its effects so much - the bee is a fake oddity, clinging to a fake person, someone who plays make-believe in such a way that they’re susceptible to a fake disease.

Obviously the fire association with the bee makes sense for her, especially in regard to how it becomes a fever, getting heated up because of justice leads to her pushing herself too hard and burning out. Blah blah blah whatever. The symbolism doesn’t interest me, because I think the far more important thing about the bee is that it’s not representative of a larger problem. Karen acts fairly similarly before and after being afflicted. She isn’t saved by anyone else, but you’d have to stretch to say she saved herself, either. Unlike Koyomi, she has friends. Unlike Hitagi, she doesn’t have difficulty reaching out to others. Unlike Kanbaru, she doesn’t have a hidden side to her, a wish that she can’t fulfill.

I said it already, but the Fire Sisters don’t have regrets. They don’t have any lingering trauma. They’re the ones causing problems for other people, supremely confident in their own righteousness. They may be fakes, but in a sense they’re a lot more real than the rest of the cast.

Tsukihi Phoenix

Well, at least that’s the case for Karen, whose outside image and inside personality are perfectly aligned. For Tsukihi, on the other hand, there’s a bit of a disjunction.

Alright, I guess we’re doing Tsukihi too. I wasn’t exactly planning on both at once when I started this, but I suppose at this rate I have enough room.

What, I haven’t talked about Kaiki yet? God, who cares. What do you want me to say, here. He’s a fake that’s accepted his fakeness in the same way Koyomi asks of Karen. A withered branch to Koyomi’s sapling, the third stage in the Araragi evolutionary tree. I don’t quite get it, how exactly this man is supposed to be Koyomi taken to his logical extent. He’s evil, but in a very deliberate way. He’s not convinced of his own justice, has no interest in promoting his position. He almost feels like he’s playing a character. I’ll get back to him in later arcs, but for now I think the important thing to note is something I mentioned last time - as a male character, his role is more about mirroring Koyomi than being someone Koyomi ought to forge a connection with. As an adult specialist, his arc is complete, so to speak. There’s nothing in him to change or that needs changing.

He’s the polar opposite of the Fire Sisters in that way. They’re too young to have changed yet, not quite mired in the coming-of-age plotline that ensnares this story’s main characters. Kaiki isn’t an arc character, doesn’t need to be won over by Koyomi, but neither does Karen, really.

Koyomi already has a deep enough relationship with his sisters - just look at their openings, the lyrics addressed to a vague listener that’s almost him but feels far too idealised, his image cropping up again and again in their visuals. In Platinum Disco, he overshadows Tsukihi from the background, closing his mouth over her and forcing her to dance headlessly. His influence over her is obvious, almost total. In Marshmallow Justice, he’s buffeted around by the currents of Karen’s flames, speaking to a more antagonistic relationship, her trying to insist on her righteousness to him.

This is an established, regular part of their dynamic. If anything, the biggest change to their relationship doesn’t happen in the arc where Karen is afflicted by an oddity, it’s the toothbrush scene at the start of Tsukihi Phoenix. (Which still baffles me in a lot of ways, but I really don’t want to get bogged down in it right now).

I said it already, but Karen’s oddity doesn’t really represent any deep-rooted psychological issues for her - it’s fake.

Unlike Karen, however, Tsukihi’s oddity is of immense significance to her. Not just in terms of its importance to this arc, but all the way down to its influence on her personality and behaviours. After all, Tsukihi herself is the oddity.

The Shide no Tori, an immortal oddity that adapts to its surroundings. It’s volatile, mercurial, constantly renewing itself. It’s also eternal. The core of the thing is that it has no core, no consistent personality, and as such must take cues from those around it. Tsukihi acts according to her whims, but in the end remains incredibly dependent on others, latching onto them to give her a purpose.

Her justice is fake in the sense that it’s been picked up from Karen and Koyomi. It’s not at the core of her being.

She doesn’t have the same drive for it that Karen does, and as such tends to follow her sister’s initiative.

But, similarly to Koyomi, she does have the ability to regenerate from fatal danger. Just as he would throw himself into danger to help his friends even without it, she’s said to have thrown herself off a building to help Karen without even knowing she has the ability.

In comparison to Koyomi’s selfish, half-assed vampirism, a healing ability that has him straddling life and death without really making progress in any fight, Tsukihi’s immortality is pure. Instant. Perfect. There are no consequences.

There are no consequences. She doesn’t regret because she isn’t given anything to regret. Learning about the supernatural would threaten the Shide no Tori’s position as a normal human, so the memories of being killed are wiped from her mind when she wakes up.

Of course she would throw herself into danger to save someone else. She doesn’t really have a ‘self’ to value in the first place. Everything important to her comes from other people. Koyomi faces immense self-loathing for a similar reason. Tsukihi doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, though. Perhaps she can’t be.

She knows her sense of justice is a bit different from her siblings, and she considers the possibility of the Fire Sisters breaking up. The possibility of Karen changing when she reaches highschool, in the same way Koyomi did. The implication being that Tsukihi would not, floating from hobby to hobby without ever forming a permanent attachment to anyone, constantly reinventing herself like a phoenix rising from the flames.

That’s the Shide no Tori. A clever fake that keeps itself from being noticed by imitating a normal human. Kaiki might say that a deliberate fake may have more value than the original, but even the deliberateness of it is carefully removed, not allowing the host awareness of anything related to their condition.

In that sense she’s not any more or less human than her siblings.

That is, I suppose, the main conflict of this arc. It’s centered on Tsukihi but doesn’t involve her - how can it, when her entire gimmick involves being unaware of what’s going on around her?

Koyomi is opposed by the exorcist sisters Ononoki and Kagenui. Just as Kaiki mirrors Koyomi, they mirror the Fire Sisters. The older, physically inclined, human. The younger, an oddity. And they claim to be defenders of justice.

This is the tricky part about justice, which Koyomi has been trying to impart to Karen. Most people think their actions are justified. Someone like Kaiki is an absurd exception. How can you insist on being right when your opponents also claim they’re on the side of justice? We’re not getting a good answer to that in this book.

Perhaps I’m starting to understand a little how Koyomi is like Kaiki, here. Because he doesn’t claim to be on the side of justice. He never even tries. He gives up that battle before it starts. He’s not on the side of humans. He’s not on the side of oddities. Like the time with Kiss-Shot, he’s nothing more or less than on the side of the person he chooses to protect.

Little sisters are more important than justice. A sentiment I can get behind.

In any case, there’s something a little bit off about Kagenui here. Part of her motivation is hoping to meet Oshino and in his absence she takes on a little of his role - viewing Koyomi as a human, rather than a monster.

Something must have set her off, Koyomi thinks, when she starts talking about him forcing his ideals on others. He might be fine with leaving Tsukihi alone, but what would Karen think? His parents? Tsukihi herself? Wouldn’t she become a real problem if she was aware of her true nature as an oddity?

He responds by saying he’s allowed to force things on his family. Once again, he’s okay with being a bit selfish, a bit of a burden. Koyomi’s sisters aren’t like the other girls he meets throughout the series. He doesn’t need to win them over, doesn’t need to break down the barriers between them and come to a complete understanding - he already does understand them.

Tsukihi being an oddity prompts realizations on his part, but nothing he didn’t already know. He already understands and accepts the entirety of her, in the same way they do for him. So he doesn’t need to worry about forcing something that can’t ever be repaid on her. He’d accept the same for her. They would, all three of them, happily die for each other, and they know it.

Something must have set Kagenui off, talking about this topic, and it seems to relate to her relationship with Ononoki. Are they real sisters, or fakes? Wouldn’t it be a real problem if an immortal oddity was aware of her true nature and tried to practice justice regardless? Kagenui argues that Tsukihi would be cruel and arrogant in the pursuit of it, having been freed from the constraints of human reason.

Koyomi thinks of the former Heart-Under-Blade, someone who was obscenely over-the-top and utterly inhuman. I think of Ononoki Yotsugi, quick to violence, quick to insults, saying she’d be fine if this entire world of fakes was destroyed.

Yep, Kagenui is definitely a bit off, here. Too concerned with matters we aren’t really privy to, at the moment. It’s like the fight with Karen all over again - Koyomi gets the shit kicked out of him, but in the end he’s still standing, and his opponent wavers a little. Finally learning “a lesson ten years in the making”.

She talks about the inherent nature of humanity, the doctrine of innate evil. If we suppose that people are born evil, then any good act requires putting on a fake persona. Like Hanekawa and Koyomi talked about in Kizu, self-sacrifice vs self-satisfaction. They both think of themselves as faking it, only acting like they’re truly ‘good’, but according to Kagenui’s proposal, there’s no such thing as being truly good. The truest good is in trying to be good, a deliberate imitation. A fake that has more value than the original.

So, where does that leave us? One really has to wonder about Koyomi’s decision to not tell Tsukihi (or even Karen) anything about the supernatural. Another selfish decision, in the vein of what he did to Kiss-Shot. It’s in character, at least.

I think it’s interesting how he describes it, after kissing her. There was a time where Koyomi was an only child. There was a time when he only had one sister. But for her entire life, there wasn’t a single moment where Tsukihi wasn’t the little sister of him and Karen. Nisemonogatari is about family, and family, for Tsukihi, is something that she can define herself in relation to. It’s a permanent attachment, created by the circumstances of her birth. Like a cuckoo, the Shide no Tori leaves its young in the nest of another family to prepare them for facing the world. Tsukihi isn’t ‘really’ from the Araragi family, in the same way that she doesn’t ‘really’ have a sense of justice like the other two. But in her deliberate attempt to adopt it- well, you know how it goes.

Koyomi doesn’t need to tell her about the supernatural, about the fact that she’s a phoenix, because in a meaningful sense she isn’t one. She’s his sister. She’s Karen’s sister. That’s good enough.

Koyomi’s last lines are strangely poignant, contradicting the usual epilogue format by occurring before he’s woken by his sisters the next morning. “I got way more involved than usual, but there was no point in staying there forever. For now, I’ll go back to my room and change.” I feel like it’s a comment on the blending of worlds that’s been going on here - he’s part of the backstage, as Hachikuji puts it. His sisters are at the front. He’s entering the adult world, while they’re still kids. There’s a sense that he shouldn’t get too involved in their incidents, and vice versa.

A hopeful reading would be that like Koyomi, they’ll also change. In their own time, at their own pace, in their own way.

But that’s all for now. I managed to be somewhat normal about Tsukihi. Somehow.

#monogatariposting #monogatari #araragi koyomi #araragi karen #araragi tsukihi #nisemonogatari

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chattercap · 25 days

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MindMindMind Postmortem - Exploring Social Anxiety (with a hot British ghost)

Hello everyone, it's Chattercap!

I'm honestly flabbergasted and incredibly touched that so many people have not only given MindMindMind a try, but also left such kind thoughts and comments! (The game has been out for just over a month and has received well over half the plays and ratings of my most popular game, which has been out for almost a YEAR at this point…)

I first came up with the idea for the game last year, when I was working my 2023 Otome Jam project, Karamu! I was chatting with my friend lenlen (who is a wonderful dev who makes games that are even more heartfelt than MMM, please give them a try!) when I came up with the idea of "what if anxiety…was a yandere?" (I mostly proposed this because len is not the biggest fan of yans, haha!) It was mainly a joke, but the more I thought about it the more I liked the concept.

At first when I thought about anxiety, I thought I would make him a very creepy, scary person. Maybe someone like Sadako from the Ring: someone who just tries to terrify you for no reason. But then I reconsidered the concept. After all, we don’t feel anxiety for no reason, do we? Anxiety isn’t just out to make our lives harder. In fact, it derives from gut instincts that are supposed to help our survival: fear about fitting in, fear about the future, etc. So I came up with Geist: a well-dressed, well-intentioned, over-protective man that ruins your life with his presence. He’s cruel, but he “means well”—after all, if he’s not a little mean, you won’t really understand, will you?

As a definitive answer for “what is Geist?” Geist is, of course, at least partially a metaphor for anxiety. However, he’s also meant to reflect an abusive relationship, one where the abuser isolates you and makes you dependent on them. He’s somewhat based on toxic friendships that I’ve had in the past with people who casually put me down and encouraged my isolating behavior (maybe because it made them feel better about themselves, or maybe because they wanted to make sure that I always had time for them, and no one else).

However, if you do want a “not strictly metaphorical answer,” here’s the canon one: Geist was a child who attended your middle school many years ago. At the time, he was socially awkward and ostracized from his peers, and he died at an early age. Since then, he haunted the school, not quite able to overcome his regrets of never experiencing real friendship—and when he saw you, he recognized a kindred spirit. He grew attached to you and started haunting you, offering you “advice” based on his own experiences. He’s convinced that being alone is better for you (and he’s afraid that you’ll no longer need him).

As for Kalei, I really did want him to be the perfect guy to get the MC’s anxious butt out of their shell. He’s chill and outgoing; he never judges you or takes things too seriously. He’s rabidly nerdy about the exact same things that you’re nerdy about. But at the same time, he has anxieties of his own. He grew up on the islands, and college is the first time he’s ever spent a long time away from home. He quickly found a close friend group at university, but he doesn’t quite click with them, not completely. He worries about how he acts sometimes, and he doesn’t want to come across as overbearing. I think that when you’re anxious, it’s easy to focus on yourself: you’re the weirdest one in the room, everyone is looking at you because of how strange you are. But everyone gets nervous, even outgoing guys like Kalei. Everyone struggles sometimes. (You’re not alone, even if it feels like it, haha!)

MindMindMind is a little different from what I usually put out, partially because it's so mired in my own experience. It’s obviously not a 1:1, and the protagonist differs from myself in some fairly significant ways, but a lot of the thoughts and insecurities presented are thoughts that I’ve had in the past. It was a little strange, delving into my “old self” like this. In some ways, it was like standing in the mind of a stranger, but in other ways, it felt like I hadn’t changed at all. Writing Kalei’s ending was quite cathartic—that’s what I wish would happen. I wish that anxiety was a guy, standing in front of me, so that I could tell him to leave me the hell alone. But it’s not, and the process of overcoming anxiety isn’t that clean. Some days are good, and some days are bad. Some days you can see how far you’ve come, and some days it feels like you’ve been standing in place for months. But…it gets better. And it’s going to be all right.

I’ve got quite a few projects lined up this year! I’ll admit that my games are pretty varied in terms of genre and concept, but they’ve all got my “flair” to them, so I hope they’re enjoyable nonetheless! My next project is Actala: The Hero’s Shadow, a big fantasy/mystery romance game set in a magical world rife with political strife. After that, I’ve got 3-5 projects lined up for the rest of 2024 (fingers crossed that I can get most of them done). I have two yandere projects, Hanasu - the last part of the Karamu trilogy about a girl’s clingy ex-boyfriend, and an unnamed fantasy themed game featuring…a female LI this time! Get ready for some toxic yuri shenanigans! The project that is most similar(?) to MindMindMind is planned for winter! It’s a contemporary drama that also deals with issues of mental health (and particularly with suicidal ideation); it’ll center around themes of mortality. It’s a ways off so I’m not quite ready to formally announce it, but if you’re interested in seeing updates (about this or any of my other projects), I post most of my major announcements on here and Twitter. I also post frequently on my Patreon with sketches, writing snippets, sneak peeks, high resolution art, and weekly devlogs.

Thank you again to everyone who supported this project - the beta testers, the VAs who collaborated with me, my game dev friends, and, of course, the players. I hope to see you again for another project!

Chattercap

#mmm #mmm-dev

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alpaca-clouds · 1 year

Text

Some Solarpunk Game Ideas

Folks seem to enjoy me writing a bit about Solarpunk, so let me bring in something, that I have been thinking about a lot: Solarpunk in videogames. Because so far, all we have in that direction basically goes into some sort of city builder (Anno 2070), anti city builders (Terra Nil) or some sort of farming or crafting game.

The issue, I think, a lot of game developers, who want to do something with the genre, struggle against, is the rather peaceful and idealistic nature of Solarpunk. A lot of people do not feel it is right to make a Solarpunk game combat oriented. But most game genres are kinda reliant on some sort of combat. Now, while I disagree with this assessment (Solarpunk is as much about rebellion, as about the hopefully idealistic outcome of it), I understand the sentiment.

I personally would love to create a Solarpunk game, but on my own I just do not have the skills for that.

Still, I have thought about it a lot. So, I want to offer to you a couple of ideas for Solarpunk games in different genres, that could be developed. Yes, if you are interested in building out one of those ideas, you are welcome to just take it. Also: Yes, if you want more details on the ideas, you can totally contact me! No fear.

Visual Novel

Let me start with probably one of the genre most easily used under the umbrella of “peaceful”. A Visual Novel. Visual Novels can be all sort of storylines. A lot, obviously, are romance focused, but you can use the genre to tell all sort of stories. Hence, telling a story in a Solarpunk world, could be very easy. And technically you are almost unlimited, about the kind of story you want to tell.

My personal favorites, when it comes to the ideas, is for once a polyamorous romance VN. See, most romance focused VNs do have different story paths depending on which romance you pursue and within that storyline you are very linear. I do think for several reasons, that polyamory and Solarpunk work very well together – so, why not try and mix it up?

Another idea, though, could be a storyline about building up a community within a storyline featuring the challenges of building a new community. Both social problems, as well as technical and environmental issues. This one would actually build a lot around the characters within the community you build and about you getting to know them.

Puzzle Game

Another genre that works well without any sort of violence, is puzzle games. And there would be a lot of possibility here to explore. After all, you can find a lot of reasons the player has to do puzzles of all sort.

The idea I have for this genre, is the idea of repairs. A lot of Solarpunk is also build around the “right to repair” and also around community help and community workshops. So, as the player you take over the role of someone volunteering in such a workshop helping all sorts of different customers with their repair and DIY projects. To repair things, you have to complete all sorts of puzzles.

Point-and-Click Adventure

Another genre, that most of the time does not involve much violence, is that of the old Point-and-Click Adventure. These often, obviously, have a lot of puzzle elements, too, but obviously tends to have a lot more story advancement in there. A lot of the most notable examples of the genre, are rather focused on humor, though you can tell all sorts of stories with the genre, if you really wanted to.

My idea for this, is the story of an archeologist in anno 2500 Solarpunk future unearthing the remains of an ancient 2020s city. A kinda genre reversion of the entire Indiana Jones thing – only that instead of someone being all archeologist-adventurous about something from what we call the “ancient past”, it is people from the future exploring the present. I don’t know. I found that idea kinda cute.

RPG

Now, last genre and idea for today. RPGs typically tend to be combat focused and use combat and XP claimed from it to advance. But of course the basic of it – Role Playing – does not need to use combat as a mechanic. You could use all sorts of mechanics to do this. You do not even need any sort of level progression technically – though of course this mechanic is so closely linked to the core of the game genre, that it is hard to think without it. Still, there recently have been quite a few cozy RPGs, that do not feature combat.

Cozy RPGs often feature you helping other characters and advancing through that. So, why not make it an RPG about mutual aid within a young Solarpunk community. Things of all sorts need to be done. Someone needs you to find a certain spare part. Someone else needs you to find people willing to help with a roof repair. Yet another person wants you to help in the community kitchen. And maybe at the same time you and the people in your town are trying to repair the environmental impact on the surrounding area, leading you to go out into the wildness around.

That’s it for some ideas right now. I might post other ideas at some other point, if you guys are interested.

As I said, I would kinda love to develop some ideas, but… Not alone. So… We’ll see.

#solarpunk #solarpunk game #indiedev #indie games #visual novel #rpgs #puzzle games #adventure games #game ideas #non violence

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rainbowsky · 11 months

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Hi RBS, I hope you are well 🙏💛

First I want to thank you. Your blog and your answers have been a grounding source of perspective in times of both happiness as well as the harder, confusing ones, I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you… 🙏

My ask is related to some mutterings I’ve seen on Weibo, and it got me thinking. Some are wondering if what happened this week is gonna lead to the closing of the SP, if 🐢 are seeing as being still too “present” or like a risk.

If that day will come, what do you think will happen? Will 🐢 still be allowed to show support for them as a couple? Or will that be a sign that the fandom can’t exist in the open anymore?

There’s no question in my mind that I will continue to support them, both individually as well as a couple. But I’m wondering if we’ll still be able to do so “openly” (or as openly as 🐢can, mindful of protecting them) or if that will mean that bjyxszd talks won’t be “allowed” anymore.

Sorry for the bleak ask, but while staying positive I can’t help but try to brace myself and wondering so as to be more prepared, in a way.

Thank you again for your kindness and all your precious insights 🙏💛

Hi Anon, I'm doing OK. I hope you're well too! 😊

Thanks for your kind words, I'm glad you're finding my blog helpful in any way.

Standard disclaimer: Everything I say is a reflection of my own understanding of things, my own values and ideas and opinions. There are precious few verified facts available here, so we can never know for sure what the real truth is. Therefore, don’t take what I say as fact. It’s just my opinion, some musings, and a bit of CPN. Totally fake, of course.

It's true that there are a lot of turtles on Weibo and in the international fandom wondering what's next, and wondering if the changes over the past few days are only the beginning of the end. My inbox has been flooded with such questions over the past few days.

Obviously I don't know. No one knows for sure what's going to happen. We are in uncharted waters right now. Are these changes just DD's team trying to appease solos without breaking the CP, or are they the thin end of the wedge? I'd be lying if I said I had the answer to that question.

I suspect some of that will depend on whether these changes are sufficient to calm things down. If the solos refuse to be appeased and if BXG take the place of the solos in attacking DD's team and making demands, then it's possible his team will have to take more and bigger steps to bring things into line. And since solos represent DD's traffic in the eyes of most people, those steps would be unlikely to benefit turtles.

Turtles will also need to be careful. The more extreme and the more public these conflicts become, the more difficult they'll be to ignore, and the more pressure GG and DD will both be under to 'do something' about turtles. If they're forced to choose between their careers and turtles, the choice is obvious. If they're forced to choose between their careers and the supertopic remaining open, the choice is obvious.

But I think it's highly unlikely to come to that. BJYX has existed for 5 years, and there have been conflicts and struggles in the past, including - lest we forget - 2/27. If they didn't close the supertopic then, I think it's highly unlikely that they'd do it now.

Let's remember that the supertopic is just a fan forum. It's like a big Facebook group. It's a place where fans get together and talk about GG and DD. And it's probably the most disciplined and well-managed GGDD fan group in the C-fandom. There are strict rules and the forum is monitored and moderated by volunteer admins. They do a pretty decent job of maintaining order in the fandom.

There are celebrity CP supertopics that have lasted for years, from even before BJYX came along. In most cases there is no reason to shut down a CP supertopic. They're harmless.

Like I said, it's going to come down to how C-turtles handle themselves. If they behave poorly they might force GG and DD's hand. Only time will tell.

As for what we should do if things go sideways, there's no use in trying to cross a bridge that doesn't even exist yet. It's a pointless exercise. Everything would depend on the circumstances. There's no point in speculating that far ahead about something that will likely not come to pass.

Future us will know what to do, because we'll have the information about what's going on at that time to help guide our choices.

And I fervently, passionately urge everyone to STAY CALM, and not go all doom and gloom about things. As I'm fond of saying when people close to me are catastrophizing:

We don't know what's going to happen in the future. We choose what to believe will happen. In doing so, why would we choose something that upsets us and makes our present experience painful? We should choose to believe things that give us strength and hope.

So I encourage everyone to ponder this, and to be conscientious about what you choose to tell yourself about what the future might hold. The future hasn't happened yet. All daydreaming about the future is just speculation, and we can choose to control what those speculations are.

More than anything, I think it's SO IMPORTANT to remember why we're here. We are here to love and support GG and DD. Let's try to focus on them and their projects, rather than get mired in a bunch of handwringing over things we can't control.

Can we please try to remember them, focus on them and support them? They're so precious!!

Most of all, let's not take our anger and pain out on DD and YBO. We are supporters, not antis. As I said in my previous post, it's possible that DD and YBO are working together to try to keep turtles and solos both happy. DD by giving candy, YBO by giving DD cover for the solos. Let's not assume they're the enemy. They're DD's team. We need to give them the benefit of the doubt.

One of the supertopic admins put it really well:

When the sailors on the boat encountered a storm, some chose to go forward bravely to break through the storm, while some chose to stop and wait for the storm to end. Before the storm subsides, no one can be 100% sure whose method is right. However, it is definitely not advisable to break the hull to let the seawater flood in, and turn the bow of the ship away from the set target. Xiaotuan hopes that everyone can pick up their senses no matter what the situation is, and pay attention to the scale of speaking in public. Any remarks that insult and coerce Boxiao himself are not advisable. Don't slander people you care about for various reasons. The future is long, and I wish you all a happy star chasing.

My previous posts relating to these issues:

Main background post

Are turtles misreading what LRLG meant by their post?

Did DD choose these changes?

YBO and the photoshopped images

The removal of CQL from DD's bio

I hope we can all return to focusing on GG and DD. I'm not likely to post about these controversies again until/unless something new comes up or anything changes.

#ggdd controversies #bxg ggdd #supertopics #fandom reflections #thanks so much #ask

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esther-dot · 1 year

Note

I have been reflecting on Jon's past book storyline and trying to reconcile the GoT series with asoiaf. Trying to pull out what is D&D's sad attempt at fanfiction from cannon. One of my conclusions is that Daenerys cannot be Jon's sacrifice for love. All of Jon's most secret hopes and desires are the exact things Daenerys cannot give him. A throne? he doesn't want it. Lust? already had that lesson with Ygritte. Power? It's a burden of responsibility for him not an end. Children? She is barren.

I agree that Jon isn’t power hungry, but to me, the point of him being legitimate or the temptation that Dany might offer isn’t power or a throne, rather, acceptance by society, having the shame he’s burdened all his life eased. For a guy who has been perceived a certain way all of his life, distrusted through no fault of his own, all of his childhood made to feel inferior, viewed as a threat, to then be presented with some form of legitimacy, possibly the why of his birth....well, it can’t erase the pain, but it would lock into all of it and say, “They were wrong about you. You were loved, you were wanted, you were the hope for your house, not a threat to it...” I mean, that is some sweet, sweet poison. Dany had that vision of Rhaegar, imagine her, the last Targaryen, offering that to Jon.

I don’t disagree with you, Jon isn’t gonna flip out and want the throne the way so many others do, but I do think there’s a very real, personal temptation in the idea of being a legitimate Targaryen (we debate this, most don't buy it, I am inclined to think it's a definite possibility for torturing Jon purposes), or simply being accepted by or married to the last of his father’s house. This could be a very short lived temptation, an offer, an inner monologue, rejection, but I think there would be something.

Although, now that I say that, Jon being a Targaryen bastard offers another interesting angle because he’s been tempted to take Winterfell while trueborn Starks live (which would seem related to the negative bastard stereotypes), and he refused. But what if the Targaryen heir is unworthy, what if fighting the trueborn Targ is morally justifiable, necessary, even? That too presents an interesting development of Jon's struggles, and a fun way to write Jon's feelings regarding his Targ family.

I guess I don't think Martin is interested in anything being easy or pat, seems like there has to be something there to torture Jon with? There needs to be an interesting angle to write from, and I don’t particularly care which one, but I do think there will be some element to create inner turmoil for our boy. Not that it changes anything, Jon will assuredly choose the Starks, but imagine reading a Jon chapter post Dany’s arrival or a POV of their meeting. There’s gotta be something interesting for Martin to explore.

As for your point (yes, I got to it, I’m surprised as well! 😂) I never gathered those together that way before, but when you lay it out so clearly, it’s pretty wild. Obviously, I’m not thrilled with Martin’s focus on whether or not a woman can have children, but it’s plot relevant so we end up having discussions about young teens and their fertility which is…unfortunate. But, I buy the idea that we’re meant to see mother of dragons as fundamentally incompatible with mother of children. This is less about kiddos, more about the bigger ideas of war vs peace, how you create or can’t create a future.

It was strange how much emphasis D&D put on Dany having a kid in s7, and I think D&D were beyond foolish to tease Targ restoration so much for the sole purpose of hiding Dark Dany/the ending, but personally, when we think of what Jon wants, the fact that it’s a quiet, domestic life which may be what Dany thinks she wants, but in actuality she has chosen war, will bring war to Westeros...just add it to the list of ways they’re incompatible, anon!

#this one is REALLY old but i'm sharing it anyway because i'm really struck by that list #anti jonerys #anti daenerys #book jon #dot chat #< for filtering

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cheolsfae · 7 months

Note

Hi! Can I request an ideal type and future spouse post for Vernon pls! Thank you!

Sure thing! This is his future spouse one. I'm going to do ideal type this weekend when I have more time! 😭 when I finish it, I'll link it here ✨️

*Disclaimer: solely for fun! Please do not take this seriously. For entertainment purposes only!*

Past: 4 of pentacles, the star

I think this person has a tendency to hold on to past hopes. Things that they wanted to happen but just didn't. It didn't pan out they way they wanted, or it didn't happen at all. They might of had a bit of a habit of hovering over their partner. Almost like parenting them. Obviously, that wasn't working for them. They were being way too controlling for the other person to handle. Firmer boundaries were then put in place and I think that's how those relationships ended.

Present: 8 of pentacles, king of pentacles

They are working hard for that money, honey lol. They are trying to create a stable future for themselves. They aren't really focused on any sort of romantic relationships right now. They don't really care for them. They just want to focus on their career at this point in time. They are too busy busting their ass to make their future great. They feel like this whole work this is just something they are going to have to tunnel vision through and get 'er done. This feels like a huge obstacle for them at this point in time. It could be they are struggling with something like a coworker or their job could be really stressful right now.

Future: the wheel of fortune, 2 of wands (reversed)

I think when they meet, it's going to be almost like a stroke of luck. Or it's going to feel that way at least. I don't think this person expected to meet someone like Vernon and I don't think he expected it either. So when they get together, it's going to be really shocking. Almost like they met by the hands of fate (exactly what will happen but they don't know that haha). I think it's going to feel almost too good to be true on his future spouses end. Almost like a trick or he's hiding bad intentions. He won't be but it will make this person feel like that.

Bottom of the deck: 8 of cups

Over all, I think this person is in a little bit of a depressed state due to working so hard to secure a future for themselves. But they know they need to do this for their own good. They feel like this is the way that they need to pave for themselves. They need to start looking at different ways of getting through these obstacles. They'll get through eventually!

*Oracle deck was also used!

#seventeen #choi seungcheol #jeon wonwoo #boo seungkwan #hansol vernon chwe #hong jisoo #kim mingyu #kwon soonyoung #lee chan #lee seokmin #yoon jeonghan #xu minghao #the8 #wen junhui #moon junhui #lee jihoon #dk seventeen #svt dino #—faes readings

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galactic-pirates · 3 months

Note

Hello! For the Truth & Dare ask game:

🛼, 🍄,🍬, and☁️, please! :)

🛼 describe your latest wip with five emojis

😼🔫🐉🔥🌳

🍄 share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

I absolutely LOVE this question and then when I get to answering it I am like “hmm?” because honestly sometimes I forget what is headcanon and what is canon 😛 I have so many I think.

Ok I will go with the first one that comes to mind - reason for the distance between Helen and James in the one present day episode he appears.

Now I ship them obviously and so them being on opposite sides of the world?!? That’s just sad. Until I watched season 3 (so the headcanon I used in my first long fic Our Darkest Hour) I thought that maybe it was hard enough for Helen to live with her own pain re: John, and she couldn’t live with James’ as well. This was totally jossed with Helen and James obviously being together in Normandy but then season 4 and the time travel came out and it all made perfect sense.

James didn’t move to Old City with Helen, because future/time travel Helen needed him. He could never tell Helen about her future self (protecting the timeline) and it would have been a little funny but also not if she thought he was having an affair. Future/time travel Helen didn’t have anyone else. So James concocted some lie about how London had been the first Sanctuary, consequently the British government was much more involved etc. and that he should stay head of house. So they went very long distance. I suspect Helen believed that James maybe had an issue with her unchanging state, and his increasing reliance on technology to fight infirmity. How pleased he was to see her whenever she visited/he visited, and how ok he was with her then, would kind of go against that but what other explanation was there? It was her only theory.

I do feel bad for Helen for not understanding and being lonely. Then when the time travel happened she went “oh.” as she realised that James had always chosen her, she just hadn’t seen it.

Also as a connected headcanon I firmly believe that Helen “coloured between the lines” in the sense of so long as she ensured her past selfs memories remained the same, then who is to say it didn’t always go this way? And thus she found a way to save James, and John, and of course Ashley. I touched on this in my “Out of the Shadows” fic which was supposed to be an AU of the ‘missing moments’ fic I was going to write about what was really going on behind season 4 (aka you can’t prove it’s not canon) but alas I never got round to it and now never will.

🍬 post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Fun question! Mind is blank. I think where I struggle is the “unpopular” part. I don’t know if something is unpopular or not, I’m a champion at missing social things. Maybe a lot of people would agree with me - or maybe nobody would. I tend to find it mostly falls somewhere in between. It’s like in fandom the whole “stay in your lane” thing. We find people who mostly view the media like we do, or are accepting enough of differences in opinion so as not to cause conflict.

Take Sanctuary for instance. I know I am in a minority in shipping Helen/James/John because it certainly feels like the popular ship is Teslen. I like Nikola a lot but I just prefer him and Helen as friends. No hate to shippers. I think I write it in most of my fics that if John and James weren’t around then Helen and Nikola might develop romantically one day (immortality is a long time). I suppose an unpopular opinion could be my discomfort if I ever do peek into Teslen content, at what they do to John’s character. That’s entirely on me of course, I know better than to be curious, and obviously I use the backspace button and never say a word.

I firmly believe that John’s abusive/evil tendencies came from the energy parasite we saw in Haunted. That the compulsion was not his own. That he learned to manage it over time, to make the killings less brutal, and to need to kill less, but he had to give in/feed it otherwise he did lose all control. And worse of course is that he didn’t know he was possessed (and I do see it as a possession). I realise that this read is not universal. I have seen people instead relate it to an addiction and that John had more of a choice in everything, and that he chose wrong. They say that that he was always bad: misogynistic. That the evidence of him wanting to go back in time, wipe out Helen’s independence - I don’t see it that way either. I think he didn’t want to have that damn parasite AND he still had that parasite. I think that evil parasitic voice, that for a century he didn’t realise wasn’t his own demons, was capable of twisting almost anything. Taking John’s wish to not be a killer, his pain, his regret and twisting it to justify the time travel. Plus show me someone that doesn’t want a redo, and I will show you a liar. I’m not really joking. So many nights I lay in bed just wishing I could go back and do things differently - it’s a very natural impulse. John did take it too far in actually trying to make it reality but then - possession.

Ahem sorry that got long.

I don’t know how much of this is unpopular ^^ but probably quite a lot. John is vilified far more than he is defended. I just can’t see Helen ever giving John the time of day if he was always a bastard. I know women do that - smart, intelligent, otherwise strong women - can get in messes of relationships. I’m not saying it’s impossible but it’s not how I see it.

Please don’t anyone take this the wrong way. This is just my opinion and zero hate to anyone for thinking otherwise. I do obviously disagree as stated but we are all entitled to our interpretations and there’s room enough in the fandom for everyone.

☁️ what made you choose your username?

I saw an aesthetic for Vala Mal Doran (Stargate SG-1) and it had a graphic for “Space Merc” and I thought that was so cool. Obviously that username was taken so I played around with word variants until I found one that wasn’t taken - galactic pirates. I have grown rather fond of it now 🥰

#I answer things #sanctuary #long post

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