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#now that im realizing how much i just LOVE character design and breakdown
the1trueanon · 7 months
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thinking about how Sage/Rosemary's plant motif and gardening connection started out as an aesthetic choice, but have actually grown into being very strong symbolism for how Rosemary is meant to represent life and being lively and being alive versus simply living
because Rosemary is meant to encompass the idea of being human and being alive. while Sage is like everyone else and is very much simply living, her general character being muted and soothing and just existing, Rosemary is designed almost as an exact foil for Wally. where Wally is unsure of expression and emotion and doesn't quite grasp it all, Rosemary is extremely emotive and lively, almost to an overly animated degree. BUT! Rosemary isn't just animated, like the other puppets are. she isn't just bouncy or excitable, or gets frustrated at simple problems. she has crises. she goes through human struggles, as a soul who once was human. she knows what death is, but is grasping to understand her own. she's unpredictable. she's happy and enjoying time with her friends one day, and unable to leave her house from the crushing weight of everything she's experienced the next. she puzzles through existentialism. she doesn't just feel happy or sad or upset, she gets depressed and anxious and lost. Wally can't predict her, he can't tell how she'll react (which I 100% think he can for the others. he's too observant not to, observation is his whole thing), he doesn't understand but he wants to.
and what makes all that even better is she doesn't just go through these things alone, she talks them through with the others. she shares it, she lets her emotions and experiences and overall livelihood overflow into the others. she's so full of life that she passes it on to characters who, frankly (hehe :3), shouldn't have been touched by it previously. and yet by sharing it, she doesn't hurt them more, but instead ends up helping all of them understand and reason through the -- honest to the puppet gods horrifying -- breakdown of a world that once was simple and happy and innocent and safe. they mature with her, and she somewhat unwittingly acts as their guide through that (WHICH. ANOTHER FOIL MOMENT. BECAUSE WALLY IS ROSIE'S GUIDE THROUGH THEIR WORLD AND THE TWO'S ABILITIES TO REACH OUT BEYOND IT).
and I've always loved having that idea brought up, about Rosemary being so lively. "You're so full of life" -- practically the most accurate way to describe Rosemary at any state of being (and, ironically, spoken by Wally, who again, I unwittingly ended up making Rosemary a sort of foil for). She is meant to symbolize life, she and Sage are meant to be this sort of "living vs. alive" thing, where neither is bad but its obvious how different they are! and I just! the idea of Sage, a character essentially set to be a sort of vessel for this human who brings this idea of truly being alive to these guys who desperately need it in a time where just living isn't enough to brave whatever horrors are coming for them now, also bringing things to life as her job and aesthetic is just!! augh, it's such nice symbolism and even a nice lil taste of foreshadowing maybe?? and I love it so much!!
and like! genuinely this all kicked of subconsciously and I didn't start connecting it until I thought about trying to maybe change Sage/Rosemary's motif (which, tbh, I started thinking about because I've designed her Reboot AU version (who I'll be sharing soon ;3 wanna get a good collection of doodles to share with you guys before doing so), who instead has a fashion aesthetic instead of plants. I'm not sure why yet other than I like it and I've been influenced by the dress making videos I keep seeing lol)! and I realized that I genuinely can't because it's not just aesthetic anymore! it's ✨symbolism✨!!
ANYWAYS I REALLY FUCKINNG LOVE THIS PROJECT AND I LOVE CLOWN AND THEIR BIG BRAIN AND I LOVE MY LIL RABBIT AND I LOVE EXISTENTIALISM AND I LOVE SYMBOLISM AND CHARACTER DESIGN AND IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT IT FOR A REALLY LONG TIME OKAY BYEEE 💖
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gildedquill · 2 years
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Sooooo... I started playing Your Turn to Die
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Yeah, I made an oc for it. Here is Chie Kawaguchi. I'm not sure how she'd work in the game because having only her would make the cast of the game uneven, meaning majority votes would be impossible at certain times.
A solution would be to make another oc so that it returns the balance to the cast and how the events of the game play out. Honestly though, I just like making ocs. It's like a form of appreciation/want to interact/play with the characters from a certain place.
I don't have much development for Chie, but she's definitely a skeptic and not easily swayed by emotion. She'd try to be an older sister figure to the kids, but she is still emotionally immature, being straight out of high school. She doesn't have a stable job yet, hopping from different jobs, but she has goals of becoming a fashion designer (Im not sure if I made her particularly fashionable because I dont know fashion, but I mainly clothed her based on the vibes I wanted her to give off). Chie was very high achieving student but after a particularly stressful final exams and a mental breakdown, she realized that she didn't want to be just another number, just another worker, just a cog in the machine. She's now distant from her parents and brother as her parents disowned her for wanting to pursue a "useless" career. Her younger brother doesn't have contact with her since he's under their parents roof and relatively young (around Kanna's age)
I'd love to draw her some more. Yttd has taken over my life hyperfixation wise
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iwritemush · 2 years
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Hey I hope I’m not bothering you but I saw the match up thing so
I’m a girl of average tallness, redish brown hair normally in a bun or ponytail. My favorite colors are green, blue and yellow
I like to draw and I want to be an animator. I can play the clarinet. However I have dyslexia, ADHD, and anxiety. Im also a sailing instructor and live near lots of water.
Also I would like to say that I’m apparently so quite that people don’t tend to notice me or I I have to repeat things multiple times
Ummmmm so I hope you have a good day and bye-
First of all- We seem very similar, you sound like a cooler version of me and I love that for you.
Second- your not bothering me :)
But I’ll get onto the actual post here,,
Now who’s your Match up,,,,,,,
Bulky bulky bulkhead
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If I find out that anyone other then whoever asks uses this images you will be banned bc this is only for whoever ask
May be a giant wrecker on the outside but is really just a flower
Probably doesn’t know much about art, but absolutely LOVES your art
I imagine if you like drawing sceneries he might take you on a ride to a cool place for inspo, and if your more into character design maybe take you to other places (like different towns, states, places where people do things)
Is amazed with all your art, just surprised someone can make that! Probably been a LONG time since he’s stopped to look at art and whenever the last time was, might be a blurry memory due to how long the war had been going on.
I’m begging you to draw him a picture
Mr gentle giant always double checking on you if you got anxiety, just wants to make sure your okay
After a while of learning about one another will probably figure out some coping mechanisms for you and ways to help you calm down if you ever have panic attacks
Guy just wants the best for you
He highly encourages you to go out and make friends(if your anxiety gets in the way of that-ik it affects my social life)
Thinks other people will like your personality or your art bc he thinks both are amazing
If you start making friends with the other humans at the base or maybe when he comes to pick you up and you talk to someone at school?? So proud of you! He won’t make a big deal out of it or anything, not wanting you to be uncomfortable but if he wasn’t in his alt mode you would see a massive smile.
With your adhd, will try his best to understand, can’t do much as he is limited but he doesn’t judge
Same with dyslexia, he might not understand but doesn’t mind or judge
If anyone DARES hurt you (a con) my guy is INSANE. Hates the thought of anyone hurting you.
If your ever hurt he is so worried, not a medic but he can tell when stuff isn’t good
Breakdown often may target you bc he knows he’s your guardian
Bulkhead just gets a worse relationship after he realizes he goes after you, genuinely feels horrible about it because he’s your guardian.
Will always listen to you vent, might give very strange advice but he’s trying yk??? And he tries just for you.
They will get better over time after he learns more I swear (or I hope)
As a vroom vroom car he isn’t near the water often but loves hearing about your experience with the sea
If you don’t make a video on a boat rn and show it to him I will be very sad
Explain to him boating stuff, be his instructor but without the boat, it will be hard but I promise it is needed
He thinks your so cool and talented, loves hearing anything about your day
Anyway I just talked to him and we both agree your super cool
I also hope you had a fantastic day and liked this post!
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icharchivist · 3 years
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hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.
anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.
something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.
i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger” and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!
when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!
time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha
WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.
OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D
godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!
And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O
For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)
Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*
HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.
And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT
and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??
yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF
aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.
and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!
I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!
and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(
And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)
but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.
I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.
I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(
But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.
AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!
im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!
thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!
Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c
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rinatouin · 4 years
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a breakdown on the mermaid melody kingdoms pt. 1!
an anon asked me to make this post so here we are! i’m going to go pretty much in order from what we see in the show, so of course i’m going to start with the kingdom we see the most of: the north pacific, lucia’s kingdom! more under the cut!
the first look we get at the north pacific is in episode one, of course! we see lucia’s getting ready to leave for the surface and we get some super cool opening shots and a look at what pink mermaids look like!
the first thing i noticed, of course, is that the north pacific palace looks very much like the taj mahal! including the little towers, the dome, and the big walkway! im pretty sure the north pacific palace is pretty much almost entirely based off it, tbh!
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this is the main shot of the palace! its so pretty! its really interesting to me because all of the little details we get to see- plenty of windows to see the sea from inside, the colors range from yellow to purple and of course, to pink! the palace is huuuge of course because you have to fit in the hundreds or even thousands of pink mermaids that live in the palace and make space for all of the sea animals that live in there too!
 there’s a lot of typical mermaid imagery throughout the palace and its gorgeous! pearls, clamshells, etc etc its beautiful! lucia’s palace gets a lot of special attention because 1. its one of the only castles that doesn't get wrecked 2. lucia’s the main character 3. the coming of age ceremony episodes! i love it, and i especially love the pink coral lining the walkway? (swimway?) the entrance to the palace!
a headcanon i have for the north pacific is that they have a lot of like lore about how the yellow mermaids were their ? hmm kind of predecessor? i thought it was really interesting how even though the exterior of the palace is pink and they are the north pacific pink mermaids, of course, but the interior is mostly yellow and purple-pink? anyways so that's my little headcanon on that lol
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its Crazy how many columns there are in this palace shfgd i was like???? but you know what, i think that this shot in particular makes the room look a lot smaller, but that room is actually a lot bigger than it seems! also is there a pool? in the back there? but anyways you can actually see this crazy amount of columns in the taj mahal too!
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 anyways those columns are actually different types of columns in different parts of the palace- ionic, doric, greek corinthian, etc! and theres a few shots where you can see some columns have really detailed carvings in them, but they’re hard to make out, unfortunately! 
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 also this is super cool and i just realized it but we have a little shot of the fountain of promise in episode 1 in the very beginning! if you don’t remember this is the same fountain that we see lucia dsgd passed out near when gaito attacks the north pacific!
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a million pearl designs of course!!
we also see that the palace has a lot of pretty arches and arched doorways around the whole palace! whiiiich surprise surprise we see this in the taj mahal too!
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another thing i wanted to discuss while we’re here- the north pacific mermaids! as far as we can see the mermaids are pretty much color coded, but lucia’s kingdom has a wild variety in coloring! and by that i mean that lucia’s blonde despite being the pink mermaid princess, and the mermaids around the palace range from brown to purple to a million different haircolors!
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in this picture alone we can see the diversity is crazy! buuut we also see that the outlines of these girls tails are actually colored differently! the main tail is pink but the little outlines at their hips are yellow, green, and indigo respectively! so my little headcanon for that is that these girls might actually be mixed! 
its interesting to think about because really, the mermaid princesses have much richer and purer (?) coloring than the other mermaids, in that hanon is bright aqua, rina is green, noel is indigo etc but lucia’s mermaids stray from the palette entirely! but to be fair, so does lucia! she’s the only one of the girls whose hair color doesn't match their tail almost exactly !
(side note: nikora should definitely not be from the north pacific kingdom, but she calls it home? her tail is purple! whats going on there sgfds)
when it comes to the palace, we get random shots of different rooms throughout the coming of age episode! 
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this is the room lucia gets ready in, kind of preparation chambers i guess? theres a million columns in the room of course, and you can see fake archways carved into the wall! the main door has a clamshell carved into the very middle and its wonderful because you can kind of see a little nod to the girls powers there- the clamshell has carvings projecting outwards and at the end of the lines are a bright circle that looks like a pearl! <333
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 the little chair has clamshells on it too! <333333 i love that the palace has chairs and stairs and stuff that they don't really need dgsfgds 
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who are these stairs for? it really perplexes me truly shdgshsgdhs technically speaking, this would make more sense as a sort of ramp? instead of stairs, and it would actually be pretty that way too! 
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theeen theres this little hmm idk divination room? where taki talks to hanon and rina about lucia’s ceremony, which is pretty cool! seeing as they have chairs and tables and stuff, i’m guessing there’s some sort of ? magic artificial gravity that keeps things tied down while simultaneously allowing the girls to swim wherever they want in the room, because we see lucia does that whole dramatic swimming to the ceiling when kaito shows up sdgs 
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this is the room we see momo bring kaito in through! this room haunts me sgh momo goes through the glass and it leads from the palace to the ocean of course, and its interesting because the palace is underwater and the girls swim through the palace with no problem, but gaito breaking the walls of the palace makes a bunch of water start rushing into the castle! which is weird because i assumed there was water In the palace already but sgdsf mermaid magic! 
one thing i did notice in this room is of course the cool columns and the shots of kelp? or some kind of seaweed that we see there! and the way that the room has tiered stairs that we can see from above, too!
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nice! another thing i noticed in this room is that theres a huge clam shell there that makes me suspicious because i’m not entirely sure what it is- basically, there are two options in my head! this is either the throne (lounging?) room, or, and this is less likely, this is where lucia was born!
my rationale is basically that this room is actually really similar to a room we see from rina’s kingdom! we see her chilling here during her flashback in the episode where we see the emerald that was taken from her kingdom! 
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this includes the tiered little steps, the big windows with the shots of the kelp out there, the clamshell chair with the cushion, and the pretty columns! i think this option is the most likely option, and it would make sense because momo, if he wanted to bring kaito to lucia, would bring him to her throne room!
oh i just realized- theres a shot of a room like this in caren’ s kingdom too!
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buuut since the shots we get of the little one at lucia’s palace are kind of blurry and small i also considered the possibility that this might be where lucia was born! and the reason why is because during pure, we get a little shot of where seira is born (almost sfdgs) and it’s a little clam shell! 
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of course the indian palace has been destroyed, so we don’t get to see what it looked like in its original glory! buuut the room has a bunch of columns and i thought it might be close enough, but summarizing this all for you now, ive pretty much convinced myself that the shell in that room in lucia’s palace is a little throne! its super cute i love that its a huge clam shell <3333 also the kingdoms have matching rooms! fun!!
and finally, this should be the last room they’ve shown us:
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this huge room where lucia sings legend of mermaid to get kaito back on the surface (also can we talk about how she has that power? im guessing that was a little sneak peak of what she might be able to do as aqua regina since that's the first time they mention that, but i was like??? so you can do that??) and its super cool! we don't get to see much besides the doorway and where lucia’s sitting, but we do know that the acoustics in here are amazing! sghdgsh
to be honest i think that the other girls kingdoms would have gotten this same level of depth and detail if they had been given the opportunity, but since the show never focused on their kingdoms for too long, we didn’t get to see it!
anyways that's my little summary post on the north pacific kingdom! i know it was super long and props to you if you made it this far, i’m going to post the next kingdom soon! it’ll probably be the north atlantic since we get to see that kingdom the most after this one, i think! thank you for reading!<3333
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whetstonefires · 4 years
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god i am OBSESSED with the idea of future sephiroth confronting gillian. does he already know she committed suicide when confronted by angeal and tries to plan around it or does he just. notice theres poison in her tea and. set it on fire or something. i have to admit i really enjoy sephiroths opinion on gillian in angels.
OH WOW this is a lot. Lol okay, I’m gonna put all these asks in one rather than stringing them out.
I’m not sure Sephiroth knows any details about what happened with Gillian, but he read the report where Zack presumably wrote down something about how Angeal seemed to have killed his own mom, and he got a sort of follow-up impression later from Angeal’s ghost on the general subject of suicide, so he knows what she did, very generally, and when, and what the fallout was.
I think this version of him is even more annoyed with her than he is in Angels in fact, because he knows for a fact her choice heavily influenced Angeal’s, so he’s going to tear into her about responsibility and abandonment and influence and stuff.
XD Probably going to get his own issues all over that one, too. Sephiroth...doesn’t compartmentalize well outside of his basic system of ‘all the feelings go in this box which I intend to leave closed and then someday die,’ which as we all know didn’t work out.
(I feel bad about Gillian in Angels, I totally had an opportunity to unfridge her and stuck her right back in the coldbox because I didn’t want to deal with her impact on the narrative beyond the established impact of fucking Angeal up worse, which I wanted to explore.)
ALSO elmyra is more put together right? like shes a functioning person? because i feel like her perspective on sephiroth and aerith stubbornly Not Acknowledging whatever the hell is going on would be really funny. at this rate im going to have to go hunt down playthroughs of ffvii and crisis core so i can write fanfic. i mean technically i could just write fanfic but it feels weird writing fic without having interacted with the source material at all 
Elmyra is a functioning adult yes but she is also very long in the habit of not prying into Aerith’s Weird. I honestly cannot guess what she’d do in that situation, we don’t see enough of her! I’d have to make it up.
...I feel like it’s likely being forcibly recontextualized would be likely to break her and Aerith out of their pattern of pretending nothing’s going on, since presumably Elmyra wasn’t in the habit of telling people a fraction as much about Aerith’s backstory as she unloads onto the party after her kid gets kidnapped by Turks.
And lmao I mean yes you can write fic based entirely on fic, this is a fandom where it’s pretty common, even. Personally I couldn’t bear to, I just didn’t feel I had a sufficient grasp. And I was right! The fandom incarnations are lacking. Once I had played through the OG I had so much more to say, and vastly more nuanced grasp of character.
Personally also I cannot endure game playthroughs? I get awful brain static trying. The pacing. The experience of being confronted with a UI that says I’m in control, but not having it. I die. But for people who enjoy them they should work fine!
Also last I checked the original FFVII was available on Steam for like $20? You could probably play it.
ALSO ALSO because my brain is a disaster of random connections i keep picturing an au of angels wherein both angeal and sephiroth have traveled back in time but they dont realize immediately that the other one is also back in time. because! i dont have any context or anything but if they ended up having the whole what would you want me to do if you went insane and tried to destroy the world conversation it would be hilarious. sephiroth, having every single mental breakdown imaginable: uh 
Hahaha AU crossing over one of my time travel AUs with the AU of my AU you previously proposed! Hmmmm yeah. I feel like they’d notice something was off before too long? But they might get to a version of the ‘what would you want me to do’ conversation lmao.
I think this Sephiroth would honestly give very intense and detailed instructions on how to shut him down and only then be like ‘why do you ask? what do you know.’
...if Angeal explained his timeline all the way up through Advent Children and DoC,  this version of Sephiroth would not take it well. 😞
also now im back around to thinking about angels and zack was first class when genesis started degrading so that's probably a ways off right? unless they find a way to avoid it entirely but. at least he'll be a bit less desperate when he defects? if he defects i guess but he's too dramatic to not defect. whats he supposed to do let angeal be the dramatic one?? also ALSO if angeal and sephiroth both traveled back in time i think that would make genesis the most stable member of their group. wild.
He was Second Class, actually! He’d been recommended for promotion but it hadn’t gone through. They ultimately moved him up to First for killing Angeal, if you can believe it. Ghoulish, huh?
Well, technically they mostly promoted him for killing Genesis, who was much more of a threat. But Genesis faked his death and Angeal didn’t, and it wasn’t not for killing Angeal. It was all the same mission. I have no idea how Zack copes so well.
But yeah, the officially released timeline for CC claims Angeal &co are only about four years older than Zack, but the timeframes presented in the actual games suggest Sephiroth should have died around age 25, which is far enough from 21 to make a difference, and fits their character designs better. So I’m treating them as being about eight years older, with Genesis as the oldest, so Angeal has about three and a half years to work with before degradation originally kicked in.
But the trigger for that wasn’t necessarily a certain amount of time, so he can’t count on that schedule.
What Angeal does have is a Lifestream-side perspective on how Genesis got healed the first time around, so he knows to focus on the spiritual end of things over Science, which he knows failed to help, and this ups his odds of doing something useful in a useful amount of time considerably.
XD Too dramatic not to defect. Well.
also back to the time travel au what would tseng even do about sephiroth kidnapping aerith?? like he was the main one watching her right?? hes just hanging out and then sephiroth??? oh now hes got aerith??? what is he doing??? whats tseng even supposed to do in that situation
I don’t believe they have the manpower to keep up a constant guard? Tseng certainly does do other things, they just. Check in on her sometimes.
I don’t think it was ever truly clarified in canon whether Tseng was covering for Aerith somehow all those years, finding some weird wiggle room in the phrasing of his orders so he could put off admitting he’d found her or taking her in indefinitely so long as he didn’t lose track of her and let her get away, or if Hojo knew where she was and was just like ‘whatever, I don’t need her back right now, just keep an eye on my specimen and make sure she doesn’t die or escape.’
So it’s hard to know what he would do when we don’t 100% know what his reasoning was for the things he already did, or what kind of oversight he’s dealing with! Tseng is a difficult character for that reason.
-
Also while I do like getting asks, you should feel free to mix the contact approach up a bit when you have this much to say! This was a lot of content for this format. 😂 Tumblr chat IMs still mostly work, and there’s a link to my Discord server from my author page on AO3, where we’d love to have you. (It was proposed for people to talk about my fic, but much more often we wind up talking ffvii meta lmao. This is like...the midpoint of those two subjects so.)
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monochromemedic · 5 years
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random thoughts about better handling the calypsos
i’m just gonna ramble a bit on ideas that maybe could have been done a bit better while still keeping the whole ‘The twins are streamers’ idea of the story and as much as the base lore as possible
I think the beginning is pretty ok.  Typhon and his wife find Nekrotafeyo, have kids and stay on the planet. Tyreen and Troy are conjoined and have to be seperated in some way leaving Tyreen stronger then Troy and Tyreen kills her mother with her siren powers. Typhon thinks of Troy and Tyreen as sorts of ‘monsters’ or at least Tyreen. here’s where im thinking we add a bit more lore or change things up.  Typhon doesn’t hate the kids,  but holds a resentment towards them, kinda like he did but even more so. Maybe some bursts of anger or breakdowns along with the fact that Typhon could technically build the ship at any time to leave but doesn’t want to makes the twins uneasy of their dad. They’re lonely. There’s no other humans on the planet and just weird creatures and stuff they don’t understand. They become starved to meet people, and with dad telling stories all the time they wonder if this is some sort of punishment for them.  One day dad snaps pretty bad on one of the twins as the whole siren/dead mom/ being alone on a planet is hard and the Twins decide that enough is enough. So much like in the actual lore, they work on the ship behind dads back but instead of really going out there to seek stardom and ‘escape the cage’ it’s more of a ‘scared and we’re fed up with this world’ I know it’s kinda the same so far but like i said the beginning is pretty ok except for really the goal of ‘being the biggest star in the sky’ I can see that as still being a goal of the Twins but really they is no reason explained for in it in game. If we maybe made the approach that Typhon didn’t treat the Twins right at times, was a wreck, overprotective along with the stories he told and maybe the fact that when the got to Pandora seeking their own lifes and meeting other people for the first time the see all the great stuff about Typhon. And they get pissed. ‘That’s not who dad is, dad isn’t like that he’s an asshole, he treated us so bad, kept us there, told us we were monsters’ So in order to get back at dad they decide that their gonna be ‘bigger stars’ then him by becoming even better vault hunters. They are gonna open more vaults, do more with them, just so they can get more popular then their dad and wipe his name clear from history. So they decide to try to open the great vault, a feat only heard of in legends. They get the cult following of the bandits, perhaps leaning more towards a sympathetic attitude towards them then streamery ‘your our fans’ they’re still assholes, they want revenge on their dad more then anything and use people to get what they want but i just feel like even a small change like that would make things a little bit more motivated and make more sense.  As for the whole streaming aesthetic of the twins it’s... not the best. Yes it’s popular now but that’s just it. It’s kinda a trend. Handsome Jack is a good villian cause part of his reasoning and character isn’t back on a trend idea, he’s kinda timeless in that sense. Now if we took the idea of streamers and just sort of replaced it more with the cult like stuff as cults have been around forever then it may work. No real references to Let’s plays or tiers of subscribers or youtube poops. Maybe take more inspiration from real cults and just have them broadcast it through the echonet.  In a way they’d still be streamers, could still have charisma as most cult leaders do have but it’s less dated in a sense.  More towards the god king and queen, doing this for them, going to the great vault because they are prophets of some sort more then just because they are streamers and cult mentality with fans. You’d still have that undertone of streamers/internet personalities just not as in your face about it ya know? Also i’d like to see a bit more on the mom. We have no idea what she looked like, just her name and her supposed personality. Maybe not alot but just enough to make it interesting. Like maybe Tyreen or Troy wearing something of hers, or an echo log with a message of her talking found on Nekrotafeyo or with the Twins or a picture ya know? Maybe the twins would idolize her more then the dad then and maybe twist her ideas around in some way to go against Typhon or use her words as an intensive to start shit. Oh and don’t make Typhon a ‘Turd Farmer’ what the hell is even that. He can be goofy but like...really? And stop having the Twins use that as insults it gets real old quick. Typhon could have any other low shitty job. I get that it’s suppose to be like ‘i came from nothing and now im something’ but he could have just been a different farmer. I do like the fact that Typhon looks nothing like how he’s really depicted so that’s pretty good but the design for him is maybe a bit too off like yeah that’s not what I was expecting but it also seems a bit off? Also less talk about their sex lives.  I don’t wanna know where Typhon fucked. I don’t want Troy to fuck Aurelia (which Aurelia got messed up in this game tbh she should have been handled better and differently) The only one I could accept is Tyreen  hinting a bit that she can’t have a love life cause she some how kills people during. That’s what I could accept cause that’s just another tragic thing to put on her. But like I wouldn’t rub  it in or be like ‘OH HEY I CAN’T FUCK’ like have it be some off hand thing to just make you realize ‘oh that’s actually really sad and would fuck with someone mentally’ Other Twin things. Maya’s death could work if it was maybe played a bit better but I think it’d be more interesting to show what Troy could do without siren powers and instead being some sort of weak, leach that has alot of accessories like his arm to help him cope. Like hell give him the split mouth everyone wanted. Show off the fact he had a sword more. He was the tech guy show off his weird tech shit. Have him maybe slowly change cause of wanting to be better and fucking himself up into a monster or because he took so much energy from Tyreen. Don’t have Troy die before Tyreen. Have them start to have that spiral into sibling fighting to just down right different views like how they were going to the point in the end where they’re really just sick of each others shit but are still doing this to prove a point and have them both merge with the Destroyer but while in the Destroyer fight have periods where the destroyer is attacking itself or does attacks that include weirdly tearing itself appart. Like show that even though they ended up back together (cause its a good book end to the being together at birth) they just fucking hate each other now.  Make Troy fell just as much as a threat as Tyreen instead os just second fiddle
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warmau · 5 years
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Model!AU: Minghao
getting closer and missing hao inspired this. heavy content + mentions of violence+ mentions of medicine/mental health + onesided feelings so be forewarned. tldr; modeling is hard. minghao breakdowns. good ending, i promise. 
it should have been obvious since the beginning of the shoot that there was going to be a problem 
but, naively, you had thought nothing of it at all 
he’d been on edge all week from a packed schedule
first a trip to italy for fashion week, then a branding meeting in france, a non-stop flight to korea followed to discuss plans for his face to grace the streets of myeongdong, three interviews for three different magazines, and now here - in china - for a campaign that was paying at least triple what they usually would just so they could get him 
xu minghao
and him snapping at the designer for picking out the wrong size for the first outfit was to be expected
but then there was the bickering with the photographer, the calling of names of the poor and terrified interns, and then his wrath turned upon props
fake flowers began being flung across the room
his hermes paris loafers scuffed and dirtied from when he’d put his foot through the background screen in angry disapproval of its color 
his hand, clad in rubies and sterling silver, clutching at one of the light bulbs that had powered his background light
clenched perfect teeth, seething broad shoulders
“ill crush this thing and use the shards to cut your neck if you make me look like an idiot - i swear you won’t get away with it”
that’s where you’d realized it had took a turn for the worse
not just because of property damage, or bad character, but because minghao was literally threatening someone
his violent outbursts had become more common as he grew in popularity - but this was the first time he’d said something like that
something that could be filmed, recorded, leaked to the press
and then his career would be over
as his personal assistant, you had to do something
so you pushed forward onto the set
making apologizes to everyone as you grabbed minghao by the sides of his jacket and whispered in the lowest -but calmest - voice you could
“hao, let me get you back to the hotel - ok?”
his eyes, flaming amber settled into yours
you’d always been his friend, even before his modeling career, and out of all the people in the world 
you could smolder any fire that he set ablaze
so rolling his shoulders and straightening himself out
minghao took one last look around the set
the poor photographer, probably thirty years older than him, too scared to meet his gaze
and said - in monotone, emotionless mandarin - that they could do this all again tomorrow
and that they better do it right
he’d marched forward, through the doors to where the rest of his team was waiting 
his chauffeur, his bodyguard, his manager, his makeup artist
you stayed behind an extra couple of minutes for damage control
bowing, hanging your head low and apologizing - assuring that you’d pay for the ruined background, the stomped out flowers, but most of all
you promised you’d have minghao back here tomorrow
in a more,,,,,,positive,,,,,,,,mood
after it all, you’d climbed into the black jaguar that waited outside of the building somewhere in downtown beijing
and heard minghao groan
his face illuminated by the screen of his phone
“look at this, they completely twisted what i said in the interview!”
he tilted his phone to show you the news title 
“millennial model and chinese breakout fashion sensation xu minghao says that sometimes he hates his job?!?!”
you see that the publisher is grazia, you make a note to call and get it fixed up
you take the phone from minghao, exit out of the browser and instead open up his messages
“your mom texted while you were on set, you should answer her”
minghao’s long fingers graze yours as he takes the phone back, he reads the message - but you see him close the chat
resting his head against the window he mutters that he cant deal with her right now
“she’s your mo-”
“i know. stop policing me like im some sort of kid, ill get back to her when i do.”
he snaps, not even giving you the decency to turn back your way
you don’t huff or try to pick a fight, instead you just look straight forward past the partition 
onto the road ahead of you and wonder 
when did he become such a ,,,,,,,,,,, monster?
the night is sleepless for you, it’s been that way for a long time now
you spend it sending out emails and responses to the millions of business inquiries an hungry brands that want minghao to model for them
you spend it on the phone with the company back in korea, explaining what happened today - getting yelled at for it - and then making sure the money is wired over so you can pay back the photographer like you said
you spend it double, triple, even quadruple checking minghao’s schedule and updating it or fixing it 
so that not a moment is to spare
even though it hurts knowing how much all of this is taking a toll on the boy you were once best friends with
for a while you drift into memories
minghao, not as tall and slender as he is now but still a head above you, in his school uniform in your backyard
your favorite song at the moment on blast from your phone
how he’d take his shoes off and dance  - try to get you up and to copy him
but you could never match his natural talent, the way his long limbs moved like water
you remember the days where minghao laughed, loud and shameless 
the days where he’d flip through magazines and point out big names and say, with confidence, that he’d one day get to represent them
wink your way and ask “isn’t my face the best in china?”
you’d crinkle your nose, but the reality was his face was the best in china - maybe even the world
and now that he’d earned that title from everyone else
it was like that cheerful, playful boy had been buried deep under layers of expensive fabrics, makeup, and diamonds
and all you had now was the shell of your best friend
a body and a face that resembled xu minghao - but had lost all of the light within it
you had to snap out of those thoughts, noting that it was nearing 4am and even if it was an hour of sleep - it was an hour you’d need to deal with what was to come
minghao was late, but you had planned ahead and told the photographer to take him time setting up
he showed up in maison margiela pinstripe trousers, a gucci medusa sweater, burberry hightops, the interlocking necklace sent from versace as a gift and vintage dior homme shades that blocked the lazer like intensity of his already annoyed gaze 
all together he cost roughly the same amount as most people made in half a year - working five days a week fulltime 
and he had worn it as a “sorry im late, i didnt want to come” kind of laidback outfit
you bit back the urge to ask him what he’d been up to
the faint smell of floral cologne and refusal to look directly into the light told you all you had to know 
minghao had developed a kind of ritual - you’d call it that to avoid slandering him
when things didn’t go right, he’d find someone pretty. take two or more of those depression meds mixed in with something a little more fun. and in the morning 
he’d cover it up with expensive accessories and for some reason let you - and only you - be the one to fix him up
letting the perfume stuck on his skin fill the space between you two as you’d reach up and move strands of hair from his eyes or make sure any blemish - that were hardly ever there - was hidden
you didn’t understand why he did that to you
did he enjoy seeing the pain in your eyes? the feeling of betrayal radiating between your bodies?
it had been an unspoken oath between you two as teenagers, that you really and deeply cared for each other
the word “love” was never uttered - but it was obvious
how you looked at one and other, how minghao had a sharp tongue but kept it under locks around you
how you looked up at him with adoration that could only be rivaled by old, married couples
you had been called the soulmates of your hometown
and now you were stuck in a dizzy cloud of his one night stands stench,,,,,,and worst of all,,,,it was on purpose
“is- is he ready?”
the photographer asks, to which minghao scoffs
“im right here, just ask me if im ready. don’t ask my assistant.”
you swallow as the photographer gives a small nod to his team
the designer comes to get minghao ready - but minghao ignores him and sways his way over to you
you try not the take any deep breathes, the undertones of rose dance around him in blaring waves
“can you make sure i look alright?”
he demands, stating it like a question just for the audience. you know you aren’t under the pretense to say no
“of course”
your answer is flat - but you do follow through, taking a step closer and searching his face for an imperfection
he’s statuesque - the features on his face look like they’ve been hand molded to be perfect
when you reach to take off his glasses, you’re met with eyes that look like onyx now that they’re makeup free and up close
the shape is unworldly, long and accented against the backdrop of his clear, clean skin
you trace from the eyes to the lips: perfect, perfect, perfect 
you waver because you could keep looking, let your eyes travel downwards over his godly proportions 
elegantly long neck, strong collarbones, incomparable body with arms and legs you’ve imagined being tangled up in
so you don’t 
you restrain yourself and tell minghao 
“you look fine.”
you wait for the complimentary smirk, the click of his tongue, but instead he just continues to stare
till you feel like he’s reduced you to dust in his eyes 
and turns to make way toward set
the shoot goes much smoother, there is no destruction and no yelling 
and everyone signs an agreement that prohibits them from leaking any of the events that transpired 
minghao finally changes from the last outfit, looks uninterested in all the praise thrown his way
and snaps his fingers toward his bodyguard who steps into line beside him and sternly explains that the shoot is over - no autographs or photos can be taken now
you don’t ride in minghao’s jaguar back to the hotel
you need to pick up some of the orders minghao has placed with stores around town
and you are grateful for the time spent apart
because every now and then you feel that spiraling feeling haunt over you
the unrequited devotion you’d developed for minghao when you before young
and the sting of his lowly treatment
sure, you were still the sole person to calm him down, to keep him from lashing out in public, from almost attacking anything or anyone that as much as made him twitch in annoyance
but he wasnt an angel to you either 
you were convinced he knew how you felt- how you used to feel
and making you stand in front of him like a fool after he’d spent the night frolicking from one pair of lips to the other was embarrassing 
his respect for you had turned to obligation, talking to you sometimes like he was doing you favor bringing you along 
when in reality this job was a nightmare on your body and mental state just as much as it was for him
you were no model, your face wasnt on magazines, and you didnt have fans falling at your feet everywhere you went 
but your body ached from sleepless nights and constant travel 
your head spun from trying to remember dates, dealing with huge design teams, rude press, problems with the company, and of course from having to live day to day in minghao’s shadow
you didnt want his fame, you saw what it did to him
but you did want your friend 
when he’d made you his personal assistant after his debut, he didnt even dare to call you an “assistant”
he introduced you with your name - told designers and photographers and fans that you were the one always there to keep him sane
that he would be nothing without you
and now,,,, he was treating you - and everyone else - like they were nothing
and you just didnt understand why
how was this the boy who’d always been concerned about you in the winter when you went out without a scarf
how was this the boy who’d once told a fellow friend of yours that in the future - you were were going to get married and make the world a better place together
you throwing a half eaten chunk of bread at him, redfaced and going “why would i marry you - xu minghao?”
and he’d chuckled and said “who else are you going to marry? everyone knows we’re each others destiny!”
had all of those moments been a lie - sometimes you were scared you made them up in your head
but you had photos and video and years of experience to know, that at one point, minghao was different
grateful for the mediocre jobs he got, grateful for his family, grateful for you
you had been there when he was teaching himself to pose in the mirror 
when he was begging brands to give him a second chance, to even just consider his portfolio
you had been there when that portfolio was three cheap headshots that you and him had pooled your money together for
you were always there ,,,,,,,, and you didnt know if you could handle that anymore 
when you returned to the hotel, dragging what had to be eight different bags out of the elevator and into minghao’s private suite
you called out to let him now you’d arrived
for a second, there was no response
and you vaguely assumed he’d fallen asleep or that he’d stepped out to speak to the manager or something
but then you listened 
and heard the water running in the bathtub
your mind snapped into action and you rushed inside
you’d seen minghao practically naked for covershoots before - so you weren’t at all shy of walking in on something
you were more terrified of what could have been going on
and minghao was inside
the water was overflowing in the tub and he was standing in fornt of the large scale mirror
eyes wide, pills in the sink, scissors in his hands
“hao - wh-what are you doing?”
you panic, trying to make a plan
should i turn off the water first? should i get the scissors? should i call for backup?
but minghao just stares - as if past his reflection, into something deeper in the mirror
“you’ve abandoned me.”
you blink
“w-what are you talking about hao, im right here-”
“NO”
he grabs a fistful of his hair and clutches it so hard his knuckles pale
his eyes winded, ringed with an unfamiliar agony to them
“no, you’re not. you’re not here. you’re not here. you’re always gone when i need you. you - you -”
he searches for words, but doesn’t find them
instead he brings up the scissors and you ready yourself to jump on him, to grab his torso and hold him back with all your strength
but he’s fast
and the hair he’s clutched, in one clean snip - he cuts it off
the strands fall into the sink and the water from the overflowing bathtub rises to your ankles
“we entered this world together. you used to think of only me. you had eyes only for me. i was like,,,,,like david, like apollo, like  the archangel michael and now you just look at me and you see,,,,,,fine?”
his voice cracks and you recall the conversation this morning
where he’d made you evaluate him before the shoot
how you’d just thought he wanted you to suffer, knowing what he did last night
“hao, you know - you know better than anyone that i will only ever have eyes for you. im so in love with you that i let you berate me, torture me, make me a fool - how could you think i would ever,,,,,,ever,,,,,,leave your side?”
the emotions in you shake and pour out like the water that is getting higher and higher in the bathroom
“put the scissors down, you’ll ruin your ha-”
you start and minghao throws his head back
“i dont care about my hair. i dont care about my face. i dont care about my body. because no one - not even you - cares about ME. WHO I AM! LOOK AT THIS STUPID, EMPTY THING IVE BECOME!”
he spins himself around to face you, bringing the scissors up and cutting wherever he can
until you stop him, the clumps of hair falling into the water, sticking to your clothes and the towel that hangs low around his hips
“hao, why are you doing this,,,,what is happening,,,,please tell me why you’re in pain,,,”
he breathes heavily, seething with something - not anger, not fear, but some kind of inbetween
“you think i dont know that i hurt people? that ive become a fucking asshole? i cant stop it!”
he presses a hand flat against his chest
“i cant stop it because it protects me. if im mean and harsh, no one will take advantage. no one will take what ive earned -”
“but why do you take it out on your team? on the manager or the bodyguard? why do you take it out on me?
he shakes, eyes wavering to the door behind you, to the water at your feet, to the spot on your face that he’s focused on instead of your eyes
“because you ,,,,,, you dont love me how you used to. you love me for my price - for my fame. you dont love hao, you love model xu minghao and im not -”
he sinks suddenly, dropping first to his knees and then leaning forward
you follow and catch him so his head lands against your shoulder
the water soaks through your clothes and the steam from the shower is floating around you two like a storm cloud
you hold him tight, and pull him closer, flush to your own body
and minghao’s arms come to embrace you back, to cling to the fabric of your shirt as he speaks into your neck
“i can see that you dont look at me with the same eyes - your eyes used to glow like stars, they used to be warm. and now,,,,they just see past me-”
he doesnt  cry, but his voice fluctuates like he’s in constant waves of pain
“hao, im afraid. im afraid of what you’ve become. you sleep around with anyone, then rub it in my face. you yell and threaten and cause destruction - how could i continue to love you,,,”
you say, but your hand travels up into his hair, combing it down - letting it soothingly run over the parts where it’s now sticking out, jagged 
“i never sleep with them.”
you take a sharp inhale and your fingers stop 
“wh-what?”
“i never sleep with them. ive never even gone beyond kissing. there are intimacies that im going to save for you, even if you never wish to ,,,,, see me the same way”
the sentiment and gentleness of his voice is a sound you havent heard for so long
that you almost forget that this is how he really sounds, how he sounded when you were young
both on the verge of your careers - both so close to being together that you could taste it on your lips
but never having the courage to move it forward
had he been harboring the same avid feelings for you too?
there’s a moment of silence until minghao’s pulls back
the water is up to your waists now that you’re on the floor - you’re surprised it hasnt leaked and that someone from the hotel hasnt come running in 
but he looks at you, lips trembling
“do you believe me?”
“hao”
you reach and touch his face, he leans into it - to the warmth and familiarity 
to the loyatly and the love
“hao, i love you. i love you so much that im sure someone might call it an addiction.”
he finally lets a smile pull up at his lips
“but this has to stop. you can’t wallow in your anguish and take it out on everyone else. something inside you is hurting, maybe im the cause - or the job is the cause. whatever it is, you - we need to stop it. because i cant watch the man i love turn into the man i loathe.”
minghao reaches up, puts his large hand over yours and leans forward 
his lips hesitate just a centimeter from yours
“may i?”
he asks, drawn out and slightly foggy in the tiny little bathroom
“do anything you want”
your voice whispers back 
and in a kiss that is full of such intense compulsion, years of harbored and hidden feelings, you fall over 
with minghao’s body ontop of yours, your faces still connected in passion submerged under the overflowing water
till the door is kicked open and a horrified maid asks if you two are out of your damn minds
you spend the night with minghao, the emails and your phone abandoned in your room
as you lay beside him and watch the mask he’s had on slowly fall away
as he tells you how hard it’s been
how the medication isn’t working
how he’s begun to hate himself for this fake attitude
you caress his cheek, bring him close, tell him that if he needs a break he can take one
you’ll personally cancel every interview, shoot, and deal if need be
but minghao asks against your lips 
if you’re sick of it too, the people - the press - the hours - the constant need to be moving and making money
you say you are
but that it was worth it, to be beside him. even at his worse.
in the morning light of the next day you examine the damage done to his hair, comb it down and let him slip on a cap to hide any split ends
and when you emerge
to an angry, confused manager who wants to know what is going on
minghao laces his hand with yours
“tell everyone that they have to wait. i have lost time to makeup with the person i love.”
you flush at the romantic words, but also remind the manager that the schedule has to be cleared or that the company will get angry
he asks you to do it - you’re the personal assistant
but minghao holds you close
“not anymore. i quit”
you announce and the manager nearly falls over
“so if im not an assistant, what should i do now?”
minghao kisses your temple
“just be mine. we’ll figure it out together. and plus, i kind of have a plan. ive had since i was a kid.”
you walk outside, people stop in the streets
people whisper and ask, “isn’t that xu minghao?”
but you both ignore them
“oh, whats this plan?”
“do you remember ,,,, my promise to marry you?” 
1K notes · View notes
paintingraves · 5 years
Text
Crimes of Grindelwald info dump
CAREFUL : SPOILERS ! There’s no structure to this I’m sorry 
the humor is still very present. from newt’s awkward flirting skills to Jacob’s tell-tale high-pitched screams, it’s all here and guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
seeing Hogwarts again was a great plus as well. Dumbledore as a teacher is a great thing.
Speaking of which Jude Law makes a perfect young Dumbledore. His performance is great, and I wish he’d had more screentime. I’m looking forward to seeing his role grow in further movies.
Credence is GROWING and that’s GREAT even if he MAKES MISTAKES
the baby nifflers - and as a matter of fact, all creatures - are delightful. the CGI is very well-done, and the creativity behind each of them is palatable. I love those guys so much.
Newt and Tina are actually adorable as fuck
Dan Fogler is great. Scratch that, he steals the show. He’s brilliant.
The cinematography, costumes, etc - all that is great as well. it’s believable.
in terms of acting… none of the actors get much screentime. Queenie & Jacob do get some emotional scenes. Credence is very busy making angry murder faces at the camera. I liked Tina as well, but again - not enough screentime.
there’s a lot of new characters being introduced, some who get no more than perhaps ten minutes of screentime as a whole (looking at you Nagini.) We get this whole building plot about Credence being Leta’s long-lost brother, thought dead, only to have it crumble in the last minutes - the same as it was with Credence’s sister Modesty in the first movie who we thought was the Obscurus. Now that worked actually well in FB1 but here it feels… kind of anticlimactic? Leaving you to wonder the whys and the hows because nothing led up to it.
I’d like to know how Credence came to know Nagini and how he found himself working in a circus, as well as how he survived. How?!
Nagini and Credence seem to be close friends, nothing more. Which is good - he could use some good friends, especially given the direction he’s taking. Just wish Nagini had more screentime to really show up the mechanics of their relationship and how close they are, because it really isn’t clear. We’re just supposed to take at face value that they know each other and that’s it.
How did Credence even find his adoption papers? Isn’t he being wanted by every government in the world? How does his status work?
They’re literally sending assassins after him because he’s supposedly Grindelwald’s greatest weapon, which like… chill a bit guys maybe. Rethink this through???
Oh, Grindelwald. Grindelwald is grooming Credence like hell, calling him “my boy” again and again and hugging him and touching him and making promises and Credence is falling for it hook, line and sinker. Someone help him holy shit.
One of the characters that actually does make sense is actually Abernathy. His role is minimal but he does help Grindelwald escape and seems to be given tasks of importance - which seems to be a great deal for a man who, like him, appeared to be no one before. It’s easy to see how he could have been seduced to Grindelwald’s side.
We don’t know much about Rosier yet. She’s just here. Looking pretty and threatening and hinting at her ‘close relationship’ with Grindelwald, whatever that means (I don’t want to think about it.) She seems to be his second-in-command.
I liked the fact that at the end Grindelwald and Queenie are like bros. Bitch bros. That’s wonderful and terrifying.
I didn’t say it enough, but the grooming
There were so many times. So many times where they could have mentioned Percival Graves and what happened to him in passing but not only once. NoT OnLy oNcE
but that’s a whole other headache SO. moving on
Hmmm Leta. What to say about Leta? She’s great. She seems like a good person, and Zoé did a great job portraying her. She’s the one who gets the most emotional scenes, next to Jacob and Queenie. There’s a whole family drama unfolding here (which oooh boi is it complicated) and it’s kind of easy to see how she became the woman she is?
She and Theseus seem to love each other very much. I’m wishing they had had more screentime, the two of them.
Nicolas Flamel is here for comic value.
I loved the relationship between Theseus and Newt. There’s some real brotherly love and character growth in there, and it felt good to see it depicted well.
I’m wondering how powerful that assassin sent by the british minister needed to be to resist the full-blown assault of a grown obscurus. even Grindelwald had trouble doing that. where’s the logic ???
also how did they obliviate the entire city of Paris following that little trick with the dark cloaks inviting people to Grindelwald’s little rendez-vous? Unless it was visible only to wizards, but since they show us an old intrigued man looking out the window I don’t think it was the case. So?
Same thing with the blue fires and red fires in the cemetery - how’re they gonna explain that to the muggle police and fire brigade should they come running?
Bunty is here for comic value.
Newt literally isn’t aware of his own appeal. I’m afraid oblivious!Newt from the fics is sorta canon now.
TINA DOESN’T GET ENOUGH SCREENTIME. She’s one of the characters who, along with Jacob, seems to have her shit together and seems eager to get shit done but we don’t see her progress. The movie prefers to focus on her relationship with Newt - which, don’t get me wrong, they’re adorable as fuck - instead of the much more interesting investigation plot line she has got going on. She’s an Auror; let her be an Auror ! Show us that side of her !
Queenie was certainly… something in this movie. I get the feeling she’s suffering a lot and Grindelwald is the only one, unfortunately, who listens.
Jacob the poor guy goes through a lot in this one too. I don’t know how he’s expected to survive in a world he really shouldn’t be in, and I think he’s starting to realize that. At the end of the movie he looks to be on the verge of a breakdown.
Leta dies sacrificing herself so the others can escape. Which is very noble but… I don’t know how I feel about that one just yet.
Grindelwald and Dumbledore… Hmm. Dumbledore shows us his suffering intimately. It’s a short but intense scene that goes one with him in front of that mirror and it’s a great piece of acting. Seeing Johnny Depp in front of him stiiiiill doesn’t cut it but oH WELL
Seeing Jamie morph into JD was about as bad as seeing Colin Farrell morph into him tbh. It’s unbelievable.
Now Grindelwald… Grindelwald is… He is Grindelwald. He is busy being Grindelwald. He’s not particularly striking but he gets the job done. That’s it.
Sometimes he looks terrifying and sometimes he looks ridiculous. The character design is still a hard pill to swallow.
I got the feeling at some points that Grindelwald worked well when he was doing some Johnny Depp. Like when he asks Queenie if Credence trusts him or when he says “I hate Paris” after killing a dozen people at the end of his rally - that was funny. Unexpected. And it worked well.
For someone who claims they are the non-violent ones he does seems very prone to like, drowning people, killing children and burning people with fire lol - but all that away from the public eye, which is clever. I’d say in Grindelwald’s and his followers’ opinion that rally worked very well. It did what it was meant to - give them an insight into his hopes and beliefs and then scare them into joining his side.
They introduced World War II which, oh boi. Wonder how they’re gonna weave the muggle history and wizarding world plotline together.
Credence joining him also makes sense for his character. He wants to know who he is and Grindelwald offers him that. But Grindelwald plays him so well it’s also very sad to watch it unfold.
Credence is gonna be so powerful growing under his tutelage though.
The actors playing young Newt and Leta were awesome! Very good casting, very believable. Young Newt’s got Eddie Redmayne’s trademark Newt mannerisms down to a point - congrats to them both!
Newt the adult… well he is busy being Newt. He’s quite cute and clumsy, but he still has some growth to do as a protagonist. I like him being the main character though. He’s caring.
Yusuf Kama doesn’t get much screentime either. He’s part of the whole Lestrange family drama plotline. We don’t have time to get attached to the character.
We don’t relate much to any character, actually. Not to Credence, not to Dumbledore, not to any minor new character either. We might relate slightly to Newt’s rivalry with his brother or his difficulties in approaching the woman he likes as well as the difficulties Jacob and Queenie are facing as a couple buuuut that’s pretty much it.
There’s a scene at the beginning when we’re in the carriage and Grindelwald gets illuminated by lightning - he looks properly terrifying. My heart skipped a beat.
Newt and Leta’s relationship is really touching. It’s easy to see how they could have become close friends.
The Ministry trying to recruit Newt into the auror department like you seriously thought that was gonna work ? lmao
Jacob being charmed by Queenie is problematic…. but it’s interesting to see how Queenie evolves, how she could be driven to such desperations. In my opinion Jacob is a bit too quick to forgive something like this lol but yK
Newt just wants to get to Tina and that’s cute
God these two are just terribly awkward
I genuinely thought they were gonna kiss at one point though.
I felt bad for Credence seeing the servant who was a link to his family (or maybe not ahaa SPOILER) die like minutes after he met her. the poor dude.
So Credence is a Dumbledore uh. Wonder how that one skipped past Rita Skeeter’s sharp quill.
Credence blasting that hole in the mountain like YEAH BABY THERE YOU GO !!!!!
The niffler steals the blood pact Grindelwald keeps on him at all times and im like YES BABY THERE YOU GO TOO !!! GOOD BOY !
and idk there’s probably more to say but here you go
Now I’m saying all this but personally I have a really hard time caring about anything I’m saying or any of the characters. But that’s personal. 
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bearofohu · 6 years
Text
Professor Layton Anime Theory - Luke’s Possible Betrayal (LMDA Spoilers!)
hi guys its luke today i’m making a callout post on luke 
 this is probably the most cursed theory i will ever create and i promise this is pure speculation, i don’t WANT this to happen i don’t think this SHOULD happen i know the layton community will systematically explode if it does so please don’t unfollow me i am a sensitive boy 
summary of the theory: this theory analyzes the possibly of luke betraying layton in the relic stone mystery similarily to emmy based on several aspects of luke’s two appearances in the anime and what we know about the future of the anime so far.
warning: swearing, implications that luke is a good boy gone bad
ps: sorry for the typos im so fuckign tired
full theory under the cut! 
alright, lets go lesbians
me and the bros were talking on the layton community discord, and i mentioned something that has been bothering me about luke, a theory if you will. @officialchampionred summed up my thoughts on my own theory pretty well after i told them about it
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i originally was just going to not do anything with my speculation, but i figured since the one i made about luke being kat’s father was so well received, even if i ended up being incorrect, i would take another shot at a theory that i think has a good chance of being realized somewhere down the line
ok so the theory summary sounds like a load of baloney when you read it for the first time, right? well hear me out, because i have several points to bring up that may rattle ur bones. without further ado, here are the points:
1. Luke’s Design and its Similarity to the Relic Stone Thugs In Episode 10
im going to start with one point that several people have caught on with all ready, but i don’t think anybody has ever really tried to connect the dots here. so you know luke’s new design, right? the fedora, the jacket, very cute
EXCEPT
here is an image comparison of luke’s design and the outfits of the men, we’ll call them the fedora fellas, we see that attack by don paolo’s orders in the museum 
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now i know what you’re thinking, “that there is just coincidence” or, “THEY MUST ALL HAVE TO WEAR FEDORAS ON MONDAYS” but i assure you, the similarities here are not accidental. there’s just no way. the design team wouldn’t love the same horrible design enough to just use it on multiple characters just cause they want to. there is just no way this has no relevance. 
while some accessories and colors may be different on luke and the men, the general design is still in place, especially with the hat being an exact copy every time. a uniform protocol is being followed here. luke is most likely not wearing choice clothes. this is a uniform, and the men are also following this uniform.
it’s also worth mentioning that even don paolo has a SORT OF similar design change to the color schemes we see in the henchmen and luke
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its not entirely relevant, but the red color kind of fits the bill, and i don’t think they would also change paolo’s design for absolutely no reason.
@muzzable also made an amazing color comparison for this theory between luke’s uniform and the fedora fellas, so full credit there! 
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this image analyzes the color differences between luke’s outfit and the ones worn by those men. note that obviously its not exact, and its probably not supposed to be.
that’s because this is the shit akihiro doesn’t want you to pay much attention to while watching, and its WORKING. 
this is so in the event of a betrayal it will smack you upside the jaw (my jaws been broken before, it hurts)
now another counterpoint could be, “maybe its relevant but it doesnt automatically mean that luke works with the fedora fellas or don paolo” and you’d be fucking spot on you funky little luke fanatic, but i got a lot more up my sleeve to tell you.
at the end of this theory, we’re going to move to discuss luke’s motives, but for now, we’re going to stick with the essential points. now we’re going to move onto point 2, which isn’t entirely as direct as point 1, but still holds relevance if you squint
2. Luke’s Nervous/Suspicious Behaviour in Episode 10 & ESPECIALLY 20
watch out, this point is the biggest one analysis wise
you wanna know something i noticed about episode 10 and 20?
luke looks and acts noticeably nervous in almost every scene he’s appeared in
for one example, did anybody else notice the repetitive anime sweat drop going on with no character BUT luke in episode 20, ESPECIALLY the closer they got to the relic stone chamber?
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he’s sweating in a LOT of scenes, and on top if that, if you pay attention to his behaviour a lot of it is him just looking generally... worried. a lot of people discredit the anime sweat drop as a cosmetic trope, but a lot of animators actually use it to convey genuine fear or anxiety that offers hints to the direction of the plot.
it’s like he knows something we don’t about the relic stones, like he has something to hide, and he gets worse the further they go, like the closer they get to the relic stones the more nervous luke gets that he’ll have to betray the professor IN THAT MOMENT
and hershel isn’t worried or nervous at all because he TRUSTS luke and i know you could be like, “oh but luke, hes just a nervous boy” and thats all fair and good, we can safely say that luke COULD be a naturally anxious character, but these little details and luke’s general behaviour are VERY noticeable once you pay attention to them for the first time, and also the concept of him being a nervous character was never in place when he was a boy with no malicious motives that we’re speculating now
the pattern of looking luke generally troubled is also shown in episode 10, though perhaps not as noticeable as it is in 20.
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while they’re discussing the relic stones and luke is explaning the situation to marina (who im pretty sure is not aware of luke’s outside motive), he gets a little nervous and hesitant when they start talking about why he was doing it. layton then finishes his sentence for him, saying it was for katrielle, indirectly saving luke from having to scramble for an explanation.  he just looks OFF.
marina’s face is also the official mood for this post
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anyway, level-5 loves using body language in their animations. in cutscenes, the characters often perform actions that define their thinking and their motive. for example, layton puts his hand on his chin and walks around, oh boy he’s going to expose someone. descole slams his hands on the piano keys in eternal diva, oh boy he’s pissed. layton points at someone, oh boy they’re the culprit. 
was luke ever THIS nervous and hesitant in the games, when he was a boy? no, not passively nervous. he was only really nervous in the face of danger. as a boy, he was actually pretty confrontational and confident.
so why act so strange here? what changed? 
luke looks pretty nervous in this anime, oh boy i wonder if there’s something bothering him that nobody knows about
i feel like now would be a good time to issue a disclaimer that also supports my points, this theory is NOT meant to imply, “oh luke’s a heartless bastard he hates layton and wants the relic stones for himself”
i have very little faith in the idea that, if luke is doing this, he would be doing it for himself, or because he wants to.
i’m confident in this theory, but im not confident that luke’s motives are just plain evil, because while his character can change and realistically SHOULD CHANGE, i don’t think he has it in him to just become evil. i think someone’s either forcing his hand (maybe similarly to clark’s situation), or giving him something he can’t refuse in return for layton. 
but more on that later.
now we move onto point 3!
3. Key Hint Passively Given by Picarats 
u guys know picarats, right? the guy that provides us with the streams, my bro, an awesome guy...
a guy that is in direct kahoots with level 5 and knows exactly how everything in the anime going to work out
beelieve it or not, picarats is actually a member of the discord server that i run (https://discord.gg/ZYxmPP) and he posts there occasionally. he’s pretty vocal with our community so it’s really not that much of a shocker that he would give us hints from time to time. we’re true bros. i love u my guy
but that’s not the point, the poINT, THE JUICY PART, the REASON why im bringing picarats up... is because he’s provided us with a crucial hint to support my theory, mainly during the episode 20 stream 
THE KEY HINT THAT PICARATS HAS GAVE US WAS...
LMDA’s storyline, in its current form and in its future presumably, is a  reflection of the events of Azran Legacy.
now this is something picarats DID say, though not entirely in verbatim, during the episode 20 stream. i promise u with every ounce of gay power in my body that he said that the anime’s storyline reflects azran legacy’s.
unfortunately, i do NOT have a screenshot because i was too busy having a psychiatric breakdown in the middle of the episode. if anyone took a screenshot of him saying that, pls send it to me, i will credit and love you forever. <3
that single hint during that stream is EXTREMELY crucial and most likely the most important one, it was one of the things that spurred my thinking about this theory, so essentially
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BUT you may ask, lUKE, what is so important about the fact that the anime is supposed to mirror azran legacy?? whats the significance of that?? 
well.. u mere mortal... im about to give you a series of events from both azran legacy and LMDA
azran legacy was an adventure to discover the secrets of the azran, right?
right.
emmy, his loya resourceful assistant and friend of whomst he TRUSTS, is with him up until they are moments away from unlocking the secrets, right?
right.
then, this devastating shit happens.
youtube
emmy shows remorse for betraying layton but tells him she was doing it for someone else and wouldn’t have done it otherwise.
everyone dies.
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are you following my thought process so far?
now lets go to LMDA’s current canon storyline
layton reunites with luke, who is acting nervous constantly and wears an outfit similar to the people who want the relic stones for malicious intent 
layton, fully trusting luke, leave katrielle to go on an adventure to find the relic stones, a series of artifacts that are linked to the azran.
they go on the adventure and then become moments away from unlocking the secrets of the relic stones
LAYTON GOES MISSING.
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thanks picarats, that single sentence you said in a stream has turned me into a conspiracy theorist
are we broken yet? are we all nice and broken yet?? good. now we get to talk about LUKE’S POSSIBLE MOTIVES.
Luke’s Possible Motives for Betraying Layton
now this is yet another juicy part of the theory, and probably where the biggest counterargument might come into play, which is:
“bUt LUkE WoUld NeV ER dO tHAT”
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bUT i will give you my theories on luke’s possible motives for concocting a scheme that wild, but before i do, i would like to give u a memorable quote from clove dive that basically sums up the point im about to make:
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we, as a fandom, are collectively forgetting that it is unrealistic to think luke has barely changed in terms of personality and motive
do i blame us? no. after all, we’ve known luke as an innocent boy for about 11 years now. 
hino knows this. hino knows how good we think luke is. that’s why i said that his attempt to make us ignore the hints is WORKING.
and like i said, i can’t blame any of us at all for wanting to believe that luke hasn’t changed, but its simply unrealistic. 
as much as we don’t like to believe it, luke and layton have basically barely if not at all interacted for several years up until this point
luke is not a boy. something about luke has changed. 
and this theory attempts to connect just what that change might be.
like i said before, i wholeheartedly disbelieve that in the event this theory is accurate, luke has ‘turned evil’ just like we all believe emmy didn’t turn evil.
they were forced to do it for something that they deeply cared about.
they were forced to betray their friend for something bigger.
and i think that’s a damn exhilarating plot device.
Conclusion 
now you might have guessed that in this point in the theory i’ve gone from being serious into shitposting as my thought process usually does, and also i’ve been working on this since 3 AM, so im gonna go ahead and wrap this up with a disclaimer before you throw a chair at me.
i am in no way implying that this is canon or SHOULD be canon. i love luke and don’t want to see him betray layton, but this theory is meant to purely speculate the possibilites of the future of this anime
in a nutshell...
its just a theory.
A GGAAMMEE TTH E EE O RR Y.
(c) luke’s terrible and scatterbrained theories vol. 2
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spraceaesthetic · 6 years
Text
The local production of newsies I attended last night
WAS AMAZING. You guys have probably seen my posts freaking out bc Joey Barreiro was in it and it was just as amazing as I expected. Here’s a breakdown of like, everything.
-Santa Fe (Prologue) was sO good! It’s always been my favorite and this version was no exception. At “you could toss that crutch for good!” Jack set aside Crutchie’s crutch and held him at the waist to prop him up (all I could think was “I’m flying jack!!”) and then at “watch me stand, watch me run” Crutchie like slowly looked down at his leg, then grabbed his crutch again and I cRIED.
-Carrying the Banner was so high energy and fantastic
-Race’s cigar actually smoked and that needed its own bullet point bc it’s important
-Morris Delancey had these awesome leather wrist cuffs
-Weasel was 90% angrier and ready to fiGht
-Crutchie was so good??? 90% of his choreo through the whole show was angry hopping and I loved it
-Davey was very anxious and reserved at first
-so was Les, like I really liked how he was a little more reserved. Like you could tell he was still having fun and all but he was definitely raised in the same house as Davey, with the same values which made his character much more realistic and less comic relief which I really liked.
-Pulitzer wore this super cool gray suit with vivid red touches in act one, and all of his assistants had little touches of red which was cool
-Katherine’s costumes were so good. She was wearing red in act one, like Pulitzer, then act two she wore blue (like Jack!) but underneath her dress had this red fabric like she was hiding that she was Pulitzer’s daughter which was ePic
-The World Will Know was incredible! There was this awesome red light and the music was intense and ahhh!! My favorite part was at “we’ve got a ton of rotten fruit and perfect aim” bc Crutchie like winked and then they turned around and threw their paper bags into the wagon and like half of them missed lmao
-in the deli when the guy was handing out water he was so sassy. At “2 cents for a glass of seltzer?! Just give me a water!” he very sassily turned his tray around so the newsie could take the water instead, then handed the seltzer to the newsie next to him who gave this awesome lil shit grin
-Katherine was so good?? Like her voice??? AH!?
-In Seize the Day davey was so good?! Like he started off really scared and faint, and then at “Courage cannot erase our fears” it was like he was realizing that for himself and anyways he took me on a jOURNEY
-Jacks speech to the scabs was really moving, and Les’ “please?” at the end was actually heartbreaking ??
-my friend works backstage as the child supervisor for the kids playing Les and she had said usually papers don’t make it to the second row when they throw them, but she’d tell the Les for that night to throw extra hard bc that’s where I was sitting with some friends and I think he told a bunch of the newsies bc like five landed exactly in our area??! I scream
-My dance teacher played Romeo and he was sO good like his facial expressions and everything. What a great bean. I gasped like really loud when he got whacked by the cop
-Santa Fe actually killed me. Jack was messy sobbing, I was messy sobbing, the final note was so beautiful and it just sOARED and I loved it
-King of New York was zESTY
-Letter from the Refuge like. Destroyed me. Oh my god there’s so many things. In the Newsies Live version, Crutchie is trying to be optimistic and and not break down and is even trying to be a bit funny, but in this one he actually started crying a bit during “where it’s clean and green and pretty” and I was. Mcfreakin wrecked. At “I ain’t slept and my leg still ain’t right” he like rubbed his leg and looked really upset hG. And the very saddest part was instead of boys shushing him before “damn this place” there was a cry of pain from offstage and Crutchie looked so scared oh my god. I was crying. So hard
-aNYWAYS.
-In Watch What Happens (Reprise) Davey and Les had really come out of their shells, like especially Davey, you could really see how excited and dorky he was omg
-Jack was really huggy with Les the whole show it was very cute omg
-I got so zazzed for Brooklyn’s Here, it was sO good! The Spot had some really bitchin tattoos that I want to incorporate into my modern au spot design bc they were so cool
-Something to Believe In. Oh my god. First of all, scREam of frustration that Jack did after he kissed Katherine was priceless
-then Joey Barreiro did this AWESOME riff at “aND IF IM GONE TOMORROW” like all my friends and I clutched at each other like little old ladies in shock lmao
-skipping a little bc this is so long already, but at the end when Crutchie came back Jack gave him this huge hug and it made me feel so fulfilled bc it’s not in newsies live. Like I feel resolved, I can move on with my life now
-at curtain call my friends and I were the only ones standing in our section but it’s okay bc we were so excited
-we were like screaming and all the people around us were really old and kept giving us dirty looks it was great
-my friend got the cast to sign a poster for me bc it was my birthday and???? I’m shook??!
-conclusion: I loved it, it was incredible, I’m deceased
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viscet-sugar-blog · 7 years
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Thank you <3
Xayah here, hi everyone!
I’d like to give a big hug to everyone who’s been submitting sugar. Its helped a lot of people, in my case especially.
I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, but due to the fact I wasn’t so sure, I’ve waited till now. I have nothing to lose by doing it though, so here we go, long post journey.
I’d like to explain a little. I’ve had a lot of anxiety issues over the course of my life, mainly social anxiety and confrontation issues. I can’t handle problems and confrontation.  People being understanding and supportive has really helped me ignore the hate, realize that not everyone is out to get me, and learn to take care of myself. I used to put on a largely rude and attitude-filled shield against those who said mean things about me, but in the end it just made people I wanted to be friends with scared of me, and thats understandable.
Some past friends had even begun the believe the crap people spewed about me. It wasn’t smart of me to do, but it happened and I won’t dismiss it. I really am sorry to those people and I don’t have any harsh feelings towards any of those people, even the anons. I actually more have a feeling of “why?” , like why would anyone believe that accusing people of such things as I was is anything but abusive, where they could’ve asked questions to get the proof they wanted, etc? Its hard to believe people on the internet, but its worse to accuse them of horrid things than to be neutral.
I’m sorry to everyone is affected, but that isn’t and never has been me. It was the only thing I thought I could do, as I’ve never had much social experience, until people showed me otherwise.
I’ve since dropped that spiny shield and revealed that I’m really a huge softy and extremely timid, I’ve been done protecting myself for a while now. The best of the community seem to do it for me in a way, by reminding me that nothing anyone ever says can hurt me more than myself changing to please them or giving them a reaction.
I’d love to be adored by everyone and never be hated, but I know thats a big dream that can’t come true as there will always be spiteful people trying to learn their way in life who still haven’t gotten the message I have.
The CS community has put me through a lot over my years (since 2010) but only when I joined viscets had I found any real friends or learned any lessons from it. The golden rule applies everywhere, even in our small corner of the internet, despite the people you’ll find here sometimes that are shrouded in hatred and darkness. The light shining off of others makes it worth all of the time I’ve put into it.
Away from the more sappy bit of me, and onto more viscet related than personal; I’ve cried a few times when people have told me they want me to be an artist, just a little :‘T 
It’d be a huge honor, and yes it’s true I do put my all into everything I try to do for viscets, but I still don’t believe I deserve such a position. 
I am often forgetful, I forgot to transfer one of my last guest artist designs which could’ve royally screwed Mint over, I do suffer from depression which involves random bouts of days where I just don’t want to do anything, I often leave my state to go visit my boyfriend for a couple weeks, I have breakdowns some days where no matter what I make I hate it. I can’t even deal with authority, anyone with any sort of leverage over me terrifies me and unless they baby me I feel like they hate me. This is not a request to be treated like a child, this is an explaination that I feel everyone deserves to hear.
Someone with issues and baggage like this isn’t really… reliable.
I just need gentle reminders to get myself going again, sure, but it’d be more of a burden than I can expect people to take on behalf of me. I’m happy to see people enjoy what I do, and I’d love to one day get there, but maybe for now its best if I just occasionally pop in as guest artist, if mint would like to have me again some day.
I would also like to say a big thank you to those who have been having me make customs for them, tenlittlesoldierboys and cyberdragon to name a couple. Not to call you guys out lol, just, I really loved being able to make somethings you two loved, it feels really great to give someone a character they cherish, and being able to practice my designing helps immensely! 
Another thank you to Grifforik, for pming me something lovely and really solidifying how great the community is.
Anyway, I wont be ready until I truly believe I can be part of a team as put-together and organized as viscet staff, and only then, if the staff would be willing to have me join their team. I’m getting there, just not yet, until I prove otherwise to everyone.
There’s a lot about me I can’t possibly fit in a post, overtime people can learn who I am though, so I won’t waste much more of your reading on that topic. Just message me any time, I promise I can be there for you as others have for me. It’d be my honor. 
Thank you all for reading my rant and I just hope this message helps people understand what’s been going on with me and who knows, maybe I’ll get some pms from people who’ve been uneasy about approaching me, I’d love to give anyone a shoulder to lean on when they need it. I’m sorry this was so long! 
Have a great week everyone!
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this is very important, and very well written Xayah!
firstly, i’d like to address this as a whole for everyone– this blog is meant to be a safe place for anyone as much as it is meant to be a place to share your sugary goodness about others in the Viscet community. any and all ‘rants’ and large posts in general is welcome, and we’ll never turn it down (provided it isn’t malicious or mean). this is a safe place without bias and without hate. if ever anyone feels the need to chat, feel free to pop into our IM as well! one of us is bound to answer, and i know we’d all be pleased to do so!
Xayah, thank you for being open and honest with us here at viscet-sugar, and with all of us as a community!
anxiety is a very frustrating thing, but you’re making all the right steps in order to overcome it, and embrace new and exciting opportunities! personally, i think your art is fantastic. i’ve loved your designs and i can’t wait to see more of them/your art around the community!
words cause more hurt than some people realise– the salt, whether true or falsified, can hurt absolutely anyone and that isn’t what anyone deserves (let alone a big softy like you!). i’m very proud of you for letting your walls fall - feeling claustrophobic and restricted because you’re uncertain what your actions and words will make people think is a very frustrating thing and i suffer from it myself from time to time, but the fact you’re allowing yourself to let others in is very admirable and i think i speak for all the mods when i say I’M PROUD!
reminder for all: everyone makes mistakes. everyone stumbles and trips and falls once in a while. we’re only human! but what makes you a wonderful, good, kind hearted person is the courage to pick yourself up again, see your mistakes and learn from them, apologise where necessary, let the mistakes go and carry on to better yourself. you’ll feel much better about who you are in the long run!
from all of us here at viscet-sugar, we couldn’t be more pleased to hear from you Xayah, and we hope to see you around more often!
have an awesome weekend!
— mod moxie
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