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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 1 month

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Closed Position: Deconstructing Dieter Bravo

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist I did a Deconstructing Dieter Bravo series for Destiny & Deliverance, so I thought it might be fun to continue that tradition with Closed Position since this Dieter does have some interesting things going on that we can delve deeper into.

I had several people comment/dm me about two things after the first chapter that I think would be fun to discuss further. Those were of course, Dieter’s plant hobby and the fluffy menace hanging around his house.

To most, these two things may seem very random and unrelated. However, they really aren’t. They do serve a bigger purpose to the story…because of course they do. When do I ever not have deeper meaning behind something, right? 😏

Plant Dad Dieter

First, I have included some more Dieter aesthetic pictures above that I had saved. It's a whole ✨vibe✨. Second, I must thank @readingiskeepingmegoing for coming up with the new #PlantDadDieter hashtag… because it’s so on point. I’m totally going with it! 💜

On to the good stuff...what have we learned about Dieter after the first installment? I think we can safely identify three things: he spends a lot of time alone, he feels misunderstood, and he doesn’t appear to have any deep or meaningful relationships. This will be a theme that comes up a lot with him, especially starting in Week 2 when we open with him having a chat with his therapist.

How does this relate to plants, you ask? Let’s start with Dieter’s history…the man has never had a real relationship. He’s never connected with anyone, whether that be friend or significant other. He was a party boy that indulged in the physical pleasures of life while avoiding any real intimacy. Most of his relationships were based on sex and favors. We will worry about why he is this way later, but for now, just know that’s where he's at emotionally.

Dieter has never really had a bond with anyone or anything. Now that he is sober and realizing how alone he is, he’s seeking that connection any way he can and doesn’t even really realize it (yet).

Sure, being a plantsman does have perks as it is relaxing and can have a positive impact on one’s mental health. However, it’s causing Dieter to learn how to care about something - how to be selfless and nurturing with his time. He has to put in a lot of effort to keep everything alive and healthy and he quickly realizes that putting in that time and energy makes him happy. Also, the plants don't judge him or his past.

Now, for some fun stuff because some of you asked…

Does Dieter talk to his plants? He 100% talks to the plants. He doesn’t know if it actually does anything, but he figures it can’t hurt to try. It also helps him feel less alone as he does see them as living things. They do breathe, eat, and drink after all.

Does Dieter name his plants? I’m inclined to say that he names his favorites. All the others just have random nicknames that change based on their appearance. Like...the "thirsty dramatic bitch" that gets weepy and needs to be watered and turned in the sunlight daily.

Dieter’s Furry Squatter

And let the collective aww's be heard! 🤭

So, I pulled a few pics from Pinterest of what I envision Dieter's furry little visitor looks like. I see it as an adorably fluffy young Maine Coon kitty.

👉 Fun Fact: "The name 'Maine Coon' was adopted after the state of the breed's origin, Maine, and after the early belief that the cat was in fact the result of crossing between domestic breeds and raccoons." (from VioVet)

Funny story, I did not know that fact before choosing this breed. It looks like it was mean-to-be for our loveable trash panda. 😂

Now, I am sure you're asking; how does the cat relate to the plants? The cat serves the same purpose when we think about Dieter's relationships...or lack thereof.

Again, Dieter is craving companionship. He is still reluctant, but this little nugget will eventually become a loving companion for him. It's another avenue for him to create an emotional connection with something. He will learn how to care for the kitty and build a bond. Though the little menace can be a bit sassy, like the plants, it also doesn't judge Dieter by his past. What do you think Dieter should name it? I'm taking suggestions in the comments. 😉

In an odd way, the plants and cat do help Dieter grow as a person. It's baby steps in his personal growth journey. Honestly, as Katrina gets to know Dieter on a more personal level, these are two things that she absolutely loves about him, mostly because it's two things that are unexpected and show what a sweetheart he really is. She sees the good in him even if he can't see it himself.

That's it for your little extra bit of insight...until next time.

💜Mysty

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, alcohol abuse, and drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Closed Position Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75 @bunniboo0015 @quicax3 @jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap

*If your blog name is marked out, it would not let me tag you. You will need to change your visibility settings for that to work going forward.

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfic #dancing dieter #plant dad dieter #closed position extra #closed position series

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katzske · 1 year

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EARTHSPARK SPOILERS ABOVE AND BELOW!

For a kids show, I'm glad that they're able to touch upon serious topics like the effect war has on individuals and, in this case, species. I think TFA is the only notable TF show that wiggled its finger and made clear yo these are fucking aliens. But even there it felt one sided, as in, robots finding organics gross.

In TFE, you get so many perspectives on the Cybertron- human relationship and I love is so much. You have people who embrace it and accept each others differences. You have those who have internalized xenophobia but don't notice. People who don't care and just wanna be themselves and live in peace. And those who outright HATE the other species.

Visuals: the first half had its animation mainly focused on action. and while there is still action here, the conclusion of the season offers a lot of cinematic shots which tbh kinda took out of the immersion but are awesome screenshot material. it gets really dark as well, and there is a shot with Bee that stood out to me, where he's hanging from a ceiling, and his expression is full of fear. It was grand.

Audio: You still have the same synth wave music (which I like) but you also get some amazing sound designs for animal based alt modes, like Grimlock and Tarantulas. Nightshade unfortunately has this repetitive sound playing whenever they fly, (hawk screech) since they don't have a motor IG??

Characters: The viewer will be introduced to Hashtag, Jawbreaker and Nightshade. They have distinct abilities and personalities. (By now, I can already tell that my favorite Terrans are Nightshade, Jawbreaker and Twitch lol). They're interesting characters and their dedicated episodes were quite entertaining.

The most notable new characters who actually have their dedicated episodes and voice lines are Shockwave and Tara. Shockwave, as you can see from my memes, is a raging classist and racist. He's pure evil. But I really enjoy him because he's so smug. Imagine TFA Shock's smugness but in higher dosage. I fucking love it. HIS VOICE HAS SO MUCH RANGE. reminds me of an evil DJ subatomic supernova. His eye also reminds me of shin godzilla's... an unrelenting blank stare, unnaturally wide. Tarantulas on the other hand takes a much different spin than his BW counterpart. I think he joined the cons and stuck with them is because he wanted equality for all (during a short convo between Megs and Shock it's implied that it was their original goal). He's sick of the war and just wants to survive. He wants to be himself. He does these typical cinema spider noises like hisses, or gargles in his alt mode BUT OH BOY in his robot mode he's one fine fella. And his voice. chef kiss. i think it's British, but can't pinpoint what region.

Plot: Earthspark is gonna build upon the concept which TFP poorly introduced: A villan human faction. TFE is building upon and further fleshing out what they tried to do with M.E.C.H. The execution so far looks very promising.

They have taken their time to introduce G.H.O.S.T for a whole season, and put a bit of effort into showing that the organization is made out of individuals who have different motivations.

Their official motivation is understandable. The "good guys" wanna protect civilians from threats, like bots who break shit. But ofc there are some nasty people in the ranks who are lowkey masochists lol

Also, since Cybertronians are known to the public, it deepens the complexity of the conflict. Xenophobia against Cybertronians ranges from this cooperation to just regular people, who are mad that their planet was turned into a battle ground.

#spoilers #transformers earthspark #tfe shockwave #tfe tarantulas #katzske #meme #according to shock im a sentient bag of goo and i agree #i hope we can agree that organic lifeforms are goofy

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shadowbriar · 11 months

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Anthony Lockwood - I Love You So

Pairing : (F/M) || Anthony Lockwood x TouchGifted!Reader Word Count : 5.7k. Damn I’m on fire this time. Warning : Mention of blood and injury. Angst. Possible OOC as I haven’t read the books. Not proofread. Synopsis : The ambition they’ve nurtured for years finally start to create a space between them, straining their relationship that turns what once were friends into colleagues. Notes : Inspired by The Walters - I Love You So. This song is very Lockwood coded for me, I recommend listening to it while reading. Please help and try to save Lockwood & co by using the hashtag #SaveLockwoodAndCo on social medias and don’t forget to vote for them on National Film Award 2023. You can check my friend Paulina’s tweet to see how. If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕

Her fingers trace the writings on the thinking cloth, lips unintentionally curved into a smile whenever George's silly comment or Lucy's mocking remarks were visible. Their early bicker about their planning process replays in her head. She's always been one to easily record information in her head, no further recall or revising needed for her to proceed with their plans, but given her troublesome nights lately, supposed a late night go over with a cup of tea would be a brilliant idea.

“Trouble sleeping?”

She looks up, welcomed by smiling Lockwood who's leaning by the kitchen door, “Something like that.”

“Why didn't you come to the library?”

“Wasn't in the mood for a late night quarrel with you.”

She shot him a playful smile, earning a light chuckle that didn't sound like it was heartfelt. Just enough to let her know that he understood her sarcasm.

Lockwood steps in, pouring himself a cup of tea and sitting across her. She could feel his eyes trained on her, taking in every detail and admiring it as he wouldn't do it during the day. For whatever reason that might be, she wasn't sure. But it wasn't like he ever professed any feelings for her. For all she knows he might just be spacing out and planning something in his head completely unrelated to her.

He calls her name.

Not looking up to meet his eyes, she hums, “Hm?”

“We're good.. Aren't we?”

No, no we aren't, she thought. He might not notice it but the distance growing between them has been eating her alive. She wasn't sure when it started nor what exactly is the cause for her invisible wound, but something's changed between them. He would be there in the morning when they eat breakfast, would be there when they watch their late night show on the telly, but Lockwood has been anything but a friend to her. He's turned into a stranger she hardly recognise. There was a wall between them, one she couldn't climb nor break through, and it's maddening that she couldn't fix it or talk about it.

Because what exactly changed? She doesn't know.

“Of course.” She faked a smile, feigning her most believable tender tone “What makes you think we're not?”

Lockwood opens his mouth before closing it again, sealing it with a smile as if he thinks it would be better to entertain her lies, “Nothing. Just wanted to be sure.”

She nods, looking back down to the thinking cloth.

“Will you join me tonight?” He asks again, nervousness bleeds through his tone. This wouldn't be the first time he asks her to sleep with him, just to hold each other until the sun rises, but for some reason it feels much more nerve racking than the countless previous. Perhaps because for the first time, her answer might not be pleasant to his ear “We can discuss further about the plan. Maybe my rambling can help you drift to slumber.”

“Not tonight, Anthony.”

It's taken her every willpower to not look up and take her words back. She can imagine the disappointment in his eyes when she hears him let out a sigh. She's avoiding him now. Perhaps scared to actually feel the distance between them when she lays on his bed, no longer feeling the safety of his embrace.

“Alright,” He mutters as he stands and pushes his chair “Don't stay up too late, we need you sharp and alert for tomorrow's job.”

Again, she only replies with a nod.

When the doorknob lightly clicks, she lets out a breath she wasn't even aware she was holding. Her eyes now avert to the door, where he was standing just a few minutes ago with that proud smile and tired eyes. He looks the same, the very same Anthony John Lockwood who'd caused them numerous troubles on the field, the very same Anthony who's ego seems to inflate whenever a rapier is at hand, the very same boy she's been madly in love with for years.

There were moments when she thought that the water flows both ways. When he would hug her first after winning a fencing tournament, or when he would hold her after a terrible nightmare, or simply when he would give her freshly cut toasts for breakfast. The little things one would not notice as something sentimental after years of growing up together. But she does. She notices.

Perhaps had even taken things too seriously when it might just mean nothing for him.

She lets out a sigh, running her fingers through her hair and rubbing her temples gently. It might just be nothing, she tries to convince herself, it might just be the stress of work for both of us. With the agency's growing popularity and demands of clients that never seem to end, perhaps all her troubles were just caused by it. That nothing is wrong between her and Lockwood, that there is no distance, no space between them.

—-

“Another massive win for us, I might say.” Lockwood says as the squad enters 35 Portland Row. His arm was around her shoulder as support, dried blood littering his left cheek from the early action of the mission, but neither the ache nor wound on his temple seem to wither his satisfied-self “The papers are going to have to write about us this time.”

Lucy groans as she tidies their rapier to the stand, “Keep me out from them, please.”

“Oh, but you're the star of this agency, Luce!”

Lucy dismisses Anthony's remark as she proceeds to ascend the stairs, visibly in desperate need of a warm shower.

“I wouldn't want to be involved too, thanks for asking.” George sarcastically commented with eyes still studying the locket they retrieved from the site. An ancient relic that would be his source of research for the weeks to come “You two would be enough of a punching bag for them to pick on.”

Lockwood turns to her as George retreats to his room, a happy grin still etched on his face, “Looks like it's gonna be us two again.”

“We can worry about the press later. You have a wound to treat first.” She replies as they begin to walk deeper into the house “And don't keep your hopes too high, Anthony. DEPRAC has a tendency to stomp on our dreams.”

Wincing slightly as he rests himself on the sofa, Lockwood watches her leave the room to get their med kit and a basin full of water. He could never get tired of this. Walking home after a successful mission, her tending his wounds that wouldn't be there if he would just suppress his impulsive-self, and listening to her scolds about how he acts like he's got nine lives on his sleeves.

But when she returned with her kit, the nagging that he's braced himself to face never came. She remained quiet, eyes locked on his wound. Not even a second spared to look into his eyes.

The cleaning process felt like a blink of an eye. Before he knew it she was already fixing the bandages back to the aid bag. His wound was cleaned, a thin layer of healing ointment lacing it. All done in silence, no lectures.

“Try to keep the wound dry when you shower, alright?”

Lockwood blinks. Nodding at her words as he tries to digest the silence they're in.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“I don't think so.” He answers.

She flashes a smile, standing from her seat. Without another word she exits the room, carrying the basin that is now slightly red from his blood and the aid bag. She spared no other glance at him. Silently returning the medical kit to the cabinet before entering her room and locking it shut.

Perhaps today isn't a big win after all.

—-

Having Lucy in the company has exponentially boosted their success. Such brilliant talent has brought them more accomplishment that it was getting troublesome for them to finish one mission to another. Lucy was truly Heaven sent, in short. The saviour to their dying agency and she could never thank her enough to revive Lockwood's dream back to life.

She understands the importance of Lucy's gift for their team and how the company is at it’s golden moment right now. Sure she and Lockwood are two of the most gifted agents there are, but with Lucy in the crew, the quartet was unbeatable. And it is obvious that Lockwood is determined to reap as much advantage as possible.

“I'm going to the grocery shop, anyone needs anything?”

It was a lazy Sunday morning. George making notes on the thinking cloth, Lucy trying to listen to their newest source, and Lockwood leaning on the kitchen set with his brows furrowed, clearly in a deep thought.

“I'll come with you.” Lockwood says as he picks up his coat “George, you said we need more teabags, right? Anything for you, Luce?”

The girl shakes her head, looking rather annoyed to have her focus broken from his question.

“I can go alone, it's not going to be a huge shopping trip.” She says as Lockwood comes to her “Really, Anthony, you can just stay and help brainstorm the plan.”

“I'm coming,” He insists with a light chuckle “What is it with you? Are you avoiding me or something?”

Yes, she wanted to say, I'm going out to have a breath away from you.

Lockwood opens the door, gesturing to her to come and ignoring her lack of answer, “Come on then.”

With a last smile and wave of goodbye to George and Lucy, she follows Lockwood's step outside of the house. The wind was blowing gently, sky clear and blue, the very perfect weather for her to take a stroll yet her mind couldn't help but to overlook such perfection and worry about the body walking next to her instead.

Lockwood's hands were buried deep inside his pockets. He was looking down to the cobblestone, as if there was some invisible stepping for him to step on. The creases on his forehead are a clear indication that his mind is occupied elsewhere. Almost as if he was mirroring her.

“So, uh,” He begins, trying to break the ice between them “What do you need from the shop?”

“Just some snacks and sweets.” She answers “You?”

He shrugs, “Maybe just a pack of gum.”

“Right.”

Lockwood nods, turning his gaze back to the road.

For someone who loves to brood in silence, Lockwood has always had her as an exception. She's the only person he could let his chatter-self loose, expressing all the most trivial thoughts he has, knowing that she would indulge them with a welcoming commentary or simply a warm laughter. The kind of laughter that makes you feel seen and heard. Her kind of laughter.

But after all her evident effort to turn him down, asking to be paired with George on their missions, declining his invitations to spend the night in his room or the library, and the most recent no-scolding-moment when she tended his wound, Lockwood couldn't help but to feel pressured on finding a topic to talk about.

“So what do you think about our last job?” He asks, forcing a happy smile as she turns to see him “A rather brilliant achievement, don't you think? With Lucy in our team, I'm certain our agency can be big in no time. Hell, we might have to start rejecting clients soon, can you believe it? We're lucky to have found such gifted talent-”

“Lockwood,” She cuts in, making him wince at the use of his last name instead of his first “Can I ask you a favour?”

He blinks, “Anything.”

“Let's not talk about work until we get back home, okay? Can I ask that of you?”

“Sure,” He nods “Of course, no talking about work for the rest of our shopping trip.”

She flashes a smile in gratitude, locking their arms together as a means of apology for stomping on his light. He smiles at her, a genuine one, before patting the back of her hand and continuing their walk to the grocery shop.

—-

The trolley wheels through the aisle as she scans for the particular brand of chocolate. She would certainly need a big bar of it along with a pint of ice cream tonight. For once after what seems to be forever, she finally cracked the code. The cause of space that has been growing between her and Lockwood has been found. What is left now is to find a way to solve it and to tell him about how they need to separate their lives with the job.

When he first told her about his dream of having his own agency, she was ever the most supportive and kind. Dropping her brilliant achievements at the academy, she was the first or perhaps second agent of Lockwood & co. Their talents were more than enough to ever become the elite team if they were in another agency, but since the company was still on its baby roots, finding clients was rather challenging. Things were getting better when George joined and even more brilliant now that Lucy is part of the team. She would have never expected his dream to be in the way of their personal lives.

Everything is just work, work, and work now.

“Fancy seeing you here, stranger.”

She turns to see the man, a wide smile plastered on his face. Almost as radiant as his yellow leather uniform, “Quill, hi!”

“Oh, it's been forever.” He says as they share a hug “Are you here alone?”

“Lockwood,” She replies “He's wandering around but with you here, I'm sure he'll pop up in no time.”

The two chuckles at her commentary. Lockwood and Kipps were always the cause of her nightmares back in the academy. The two boys could never seem to act civil, always bickering and hostile to one another, but when she's alone with either of them, they would act the most gentle as if she was someone they love dearly for.

A different kind of love from each of the boys, of course.

“How are you?” She asks, her expression turns to slight worry “Is it getting any better?”

Kipps smiles painfully, “Barely holding on. We've got to make most of what we have, don't we?”

If there were no bad blood between the two she would have offered Kipps to join the agency years ago. Having known him for years and to see just how brilliant he was, the way his techniques were always showcased whenever they have a fencing duel, it is no wonder that people hold a big expectation on his shoulders. He was promoted as supervisor in no time due to his proficient skills but with his talent slowly weakening, he needed someone to help patch this rather embarrassing fragility.

“Have you given it a thought?” Kipps asks with a gentle tone “I heard that Lucy girl is of great help for your team. Do you think you could finally help mine instead?”

“Quill–,”

“Kipps,” Lockwood says as he circles his arm around her shoulder, showing a rather possessive manner at the sight of them “What are you doing here? You're not stalking us, are you?”

Kipps snorts, making a disgusted face at him, “This is a public space, Lockwood. Don't flatter yourself.”

Understanding that their time has come to an end, Kipps flashes her a smile and walks away. He knows that Lockwood wouldn't give them another second to talk so unless he'd want him to know about his persisting issue, it was best for Kipps to find himself out of the scene.

“What did he want?”

“Nothing, we just had a chat.” She lied, pushing Lockwood's arm off of her shoulder and continued to wheel the trolley.

“About what?”

“About nothing of your concern.” She replies “You might never see him as one but Quill's a friend of mine, Anthony. We were just having a friendly conversation.”

Lockwood frowns at her dissatisfying answer. She's keeping something from him but whatever it is, he knew that poking about it now would be the recipe for a nightmare. Her sour mood hasn't watered and it would be wise for him to just let her be.

Besides, it wasn't like she'd leave him. Not for Kipps of all people.

“Can I ask you something?”

Lockwood turns to her, a loving smile decorating his face, “Anything.”

“How are you, Anthony?”

He frowns, “Splendid, how are you?”

“No, I mean, how are you?” She repeats, sighing in frustration to convey her true meaning “I don’t know anything about you outside of work anymore. What music do you listen to now? What book do you read? Do you even read still?”

Lockwood remains quiet, waiting for her to continue with her words so he would understand better.

“I live under your roof, see you almost 24/7. You’re the first person I see in the morning and the last I would bid goodnight to, yet I feel like I don’t know anything about you anymore.”

“That’s not true.” He argues, still not understanding the severity of their discussion “You know everything about me.”

“Do I?”

“Don’t you?”

“Stop turning my questions to me, Anthony. You know I don’t like it when you do it.”

His chuckle breaks, now pulling her for a tight hug, “Is that what you’ve been worrying about? That you don’t know me anymore?”

She remains quiet.

“If there is anyone that knows me down to my fibre, it would be you.” He continues, patting her head gently to soothe her “I mean, I suppose I have been too occupied with work but that doesn’t mean that you don’t know me anymore. We still share our meals together, watch our favourite shows and spend most of our time together. You’re still the one friend that knows me best.”

“I suppose,” She gives in “I’m just worried that this whole ghost hunting thing is burying our reality because I genuinely can’t draw the line between work and our lives anymore.”

“Well, our life is the agency, is it not?”

She shrugs.

“Hey,” Lockwood calls, breaking the hug and cupping her face to look into her eyes “You know me. I’m not a stranger to you, alright? You know what my current favourite jam is, what kind of tea I enjoy at the moment, and what colour of socks I wear the most. We’re still the same people as we were five, ten years ago.”

She smiles, nodding as she melts into his sweet words, “Alright.”

—-

"Anthony, I don't like this."

The group puts down their bags as they arrive at the mansion. Examining the place from the outside, she can already tell that whatever is waiting for them inside isn’t anything close to what they’ve encountered before.

“It’s still a couple hours till sunset but the energy is already this strong.” She told him, her senses heightened in fear “We’re not equipped to fight such a visitor, Anthony. Best we go back, rethink our plan, and maybe ask for assistance.”

“From who? Kipps you mean?” Lockwood asks with a bitter expression. He rubs his nose, a habit he does whenever he’s trying to tone down a brewing exasperation “Look, we’ve been through this a hundred times. The plan is foul proof, I can assure you. By this time tomorrow we’ll be crowding the sitting room, watching whatever unknown movie George picks to enjoy.”

“This isn’t about your ego or old feud with Quill, Anthony. There’s nothing wrong in understanding your limit and drawing the line. No shame in dropping a job we’re not capable of.” She tries to reason “Think about our safety.”

“You’re safe,” He insists, placing his hands on her shoulders for assurance “Nothing bad will happen to any of us. I’ll keep an eye for you, I promise.”

Not giving her another second to argue, Lockwood walks away and begins to help Lucy fixing the metal chain. The inside of her stomach flips when the wind blows. She knows that even for people who aren’t gifted, the atmosphere the mansion offers is nowhere close to the word homey. There’s something dark and cold, peeking through the windows and she could feel it in her bones that none of them four is strong enough to battle such power.

She walks to George and begins unloading their equipment. Her brows furrow at the sight of a strange item. A circular ball that looks like their salt bomb, only that it is heavier and bigger in size.

“Careful,” George says as he takes it from her hand with care.

“What is that?”

“A new bomb.” He answers “It has salt, lavender, and some other chemical thing inside that would explode from sudden force. Throw it to the floor and whatever visitor we meet would evaporate to thin air.”

“That doesn’t sound very safe.” She mutters, turning her eyes back to the mansion “I hope we don’t have to use that tonight.”

She looks back at Lockwood’s direction, trying to ease her worry by repeating his words in her head. Lockwood knows what he’s doing. They’ve been through the plan a hundred times, just like he said. Nothing will go wrong tonight. Everything is collected and under control.

—-

“Make it stop!” Lucy wails, closing her ears tight with her hands “Please, make it stop!”

“George, give us the chains!” Anthony yells as he tries to calm Lucy.

George quickly runs to their aid as she tries her best to fight the ghost with her rapier. She might not be the best there is, but she’s neck to neck as good as Lockwood and that should give her friends enough time to cast more protection for Lucy.

It hasn’t even been two hours since they entered the mansion and already the plans they came up with burned to ashes. This is more than just a case of an old abandoned house. The amount of type two occupying the building is enough to tell them that their client hasn’t been truthful. This place must have witnessed a mass murder, perhaps a cult sacrifice, to hoard this much energy.

“We need to find the source.” She says as she battles the ghosts “I can’t use my talent while fighting these ghosts.”

As if on cue, Lockwood came and began to fight the ghosts. He turns to her for a brief moment, “Go. I’ll protect you.”

With a nod, she walks away from her spot, running to the other side of the room. She places her hands to the walls, trying to get a clearer picture of what they’re dealing with.

The sound of screams and crying begin to fill her ears. There was so much pain and sorrow. This mansion has seen the worst of human acts, inflicting as much agony as possible to innocent lives. Her consciousness was slipping away, drowning in the torment that she is sensing and if it wasn’t for Lucy’s scream of cry acting as her tether to reality, she would have sunk in a ghost-lock condition.

“The blade,” She says as she finally gets the idea of their source “The source is a blade. An old one with a gold handle and Latin engraving.”

“Great work,” Lockwood praises her, his prideful smirk tugging on his face “George, prepare the chain net. Be ready to cover it.”

“How exactly are we going to find it? It’s pitch black here.”

Lockwood chuckles, “Well, use your flashlight, why don’t you?”

The three of them now begin to scour the place whilst fighting the ghosts coming in their direction. The screaming in her head gets louder as they come closer to the source, almost deafening her physically. Her stepping was getting unstable. Energy and focus drained out of her with every bead of sweat layering her skin.

“Stop!” She yells, dropping her rapier as the cries become unbearable “It hurts, please stop!”

“Oh, no,” George, who was closest to her, now kneels down and tries to bring her back to consciousness as he lightly taps on her cheeks.

“George!” Lockwood calls, panic seems to finally sink in as he watches her wail in pain “The source must be close, try to find it. I’ll protect her.”

Nodding, George begins to crawl away and look for the damned blade. His hands found what seems to be an old cabinet and began to rummage through. With very limited lighting and no idea of what the blade looks like, searching for a piece of steel through a locker full of metal items feels fruitless.

Scanning from one drawer to the other, George lets out a satisfied chuckle as he finally finds what they’re looking for. But before he could take it out and cover it with their chain net, a handful of ghosts headed his way.

“George, watch out!”

In the heat of the moment, George throws the chain net to the drawer, hoping that it would land and cover the blade, before throwing the new bomb to the ghosts.

To their luck, the chain net did fall on top of the source but due to the close proximity and the lack of understanding of just how big the explosion the bomb would produce, George was thrown out of the wall from the impact. Bits of broken wood scratch his skin and there was a big gash on his forehead.

George was unconscious.

—-

Opening the keys to 35 Portland Row with a tired yawn, she put down her scarf and hung her coat by the rack. She’s been staying at the hospital for days, only returning home to take a shower and bring a new set of fresh clothes for George. Her body was aching. The scars on her skin from the previous mission are still fresh and hurting but none of it compares to the fatigue of worrying for George’s being.

The terror from that night still haunts her. How her head was filled with wails one moment to complete silence and darkness as George successfully covers the source. She remembers scanning the floor with her hands to find her flashlight, trying to get some light to understand their situation better, only to be completely frightened by the sight of George, lying unconscious with blood pooling around him.

“You’re home,” Lockwood greets, a relieved expression evident on his face.

She nods, not giving him an answer as she walks past him.

“How is he?” He asks as she gets to the stairs.

“Still unconscious but his vitals are stabilising.” She answers “You'd know if you visit him yourself.”

“I want to, but I need to finish the report and paperworks.” Lockwood reasoned, following her behind like a lost puppy “Lucy's out at the library to do some research about our next mission. With George at the hospital I think we'd need more time to make our plans.”

She rolls her eyes, fist balling as she tries to hold in her anger.

“I was wondering if you could go to the DEPRAC office on your way back to the hospital and drop the locket? Inspector Barnes called and-”

“Anthony!” She yells, finally turning to face the boy who's now pale from her sudden outburst “Are you even hearing yourself right now? Sending Lucy to work on our next job, asking me to stop by the DEPRAC office, you being busy in your little library, do you not even care in the slightest for George? He's lying unconscious at the hospital for a work I've told you to drop about!”

Lockwood remained silent. His expression is hard and unreadable.

“I've told you that we didn't have the equipment nor skills to do the job. I've told you that the visitors are much more powerful than the ones we've faced before. I've told you to at least ask for help for the task and yet you've dismissed it all and look what it's brought us, Anthony!”

“Yes, but we did it, didn't we? We secured the source.” Lockwood answers with feigned optimism, giving her his unsure smile as he steps closer “We took a hit, sure, but it's not like George didn't know what he was getting himself into.”

She blinks at his words. Now taking a step back away from him as she tries to digest his answer, “Is that what you're going to say when each of us falls?”

His expression softens, “You know I would never let anything hurt you.”

“Yet here I am.” She argues, her poison laced smile evident “Hurt and wounded.”

Lockwood was at a loss of words. He remained silent, staring at her with his pleading eyes that silently screams for her to drop this and forgive his faulty words. But his silence served as nothing but a mere slap to reality for her that Lockwood was just a boy with a naive dream and no understanding of the risks he's committing the team to.

“I thought this was all I wanted.” She says with a volume just above a whisper, a pitiful smile plastered on her face as she tries to keep her tone steady. The cracks of her breaking heart is visible through her expression “You're everything I want, Anthony.. But I can't deal with your ambitions anymore.”

Giving him no chance to explain, she retreats to her room and slams the door, leaving him defeated in the hallway. The house feels colder now somehow. As if the silence wasn't enough to weigh his guilt even more. Lockwood knew that he messed up but never had he imagined that he'd ruin things this far. Especially not with her.

—-

Days have been slightly better now that George's discharged from the hospital. The kitchen is once again filled with their chatter but not nearly half as much laughter as before. The nightmare of wounded George still haunts her days and torments her at night. She would never be able to work with the squad as she did before. Something has changed in her and there's no turning back now.

Lockwood on the other hand has tried every possible way to talk to her but with every chance he makes to pursue her, she just has a hundred more ways to turn it down and avoid him. Her silent treatment was driving him nuts and it would be an understatement to say that he's desperate to fix it.

Now sitting in his study room, Lockwood turns to the door as he hears a light knock. She peeks inside with a slight smile, the most he's gotten after their fight a couple weeks ago.

“Can I come in?”

“Have I ever said no?”

She nods, stepping inside the room timidly. A piece of paper in her hand.

“What is it?” He asks with a warm smile, hoping that this would be the start of their reconciliation “What can I help you with?”

She looks down to the letter in her hand, sighing before handing it to him, “I wanted to give you my resignation letter.”

Lockwood stares at her blankly, not moving from his chair.

Gently, she reaches for his hand and hands him the paper. Lockwood's eyes were glued on her, trying to catch any trace of jest from the words she uttered. He prays for all gods out there to let this be a joke. Some cruel prank she's pulling on him as payback for his dickhead move for the past months. But as the ticking of the clock in the room grew louder, her playful smile never appeared.

“Why?”

“Anthony–”

“I promise to do better, I swear it.” He begs, standing from his seat and carelessly putting the letter away “I'll make better plans, I'll calculate each and every possibility there is and I'll listen to you better. Any input you have, I'll highlight it and make it work. Please, just– Don't leave. Don't leave me.”

She had to look away from his eyes before her fortress crumbled. Lockwood knows just when to put those big puppy eyes out and win her heart. But there's just so many times she could spare herself for him. There's just so many chances she could give and no matter how much she wishes and prays that this time would be different than the last, she knew that the damage done would still leave scars on them. An invisible one that could only be healed with time and space.

“Please,” Lockwood begs, seeming on the verge of tears “Name your price. Anything, please, just say it.”

“What I want you cannot give, Anthony.” She answers with a bitter smile “Because if you could, I know you would have given it to me years ago.”

“Just name it, please. Do you want a rise? Do you want to switch rooms? Do you want your name to be the agency's name? Because I can do that. We can just change the company's name to yours.”

A tear escapes her eyes. She knows that he was being genuine, that he was willing to give up anything to make her stay. But even with all he offers to give, Lockwood still couldn't see the one thing she desires of him.

And it's crystal clear to her now that he could never give the one thing she needs of him.

Placing her hands to his cheeks, she cups him gently and smiles, “You're going to be a brilliant agent, Anthony. Lockwood & co will be the best agency there is, I know it. I believe it.”

“Then why are you leaving?” He asks with a defeated tone “Why won't you be here with me?”

Because you won't love me the way I love you, she thought.

“Please,” Lockwood pleads “I can't lose you too.”

Pulling him for a hug, his dam finally breaks as sobs begin to echo in the room. He holds her tight, afraid that she would disappear if he loosens his embrace just a little. He would miss the sweet scent of her shampoo, the warmth of her body when he needed some comfort after a terrible nightmare, and her joyful laughter that always seemed to drunken him in bliss.

If only he would tell her exactly how he feels.

“You'll never lose me, Anthony.” She whispers to his chest, listening to his heartbeat before they part “I'm yours, always.”

↠ If You’re Going to Break My Heart

#anthony lockwood #anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x you #anthony lockwood x y/n #anthony lockwood angst #anthony lockwood imagine #anthony lockwood scenario #anthony lockwood fanfic #anthony lockwood fanfiction #anthony lockwood oneshot #lockwood and co #lockwood & co

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nthngtoseehere-blog · 4 months

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I've been poking around The Sign hashtag and have some thoughts about some things people are talking about.

Tharn hitting Phaya: imho, deserved and understandable, and in-character. Firstly, we've already seen Tharn go after someone in defense of someone else: Chart, when Chart was about to kill Phaya in ep 1 - 2. In this situation Phaya was not about to kill the Dr, no. But Phaya had just attacked Dr, shoved him up against a concrete post and then hit him, during which Tharn was unable to get out of the car to help - that had to be scary. And then he finally gets out and Phaya starts dragging him away, will not let him go, is basically acting like a goddamn lunatic. Tharn is trained to fight. So he fights. He has to hit the guy he might be half in love with just to get him to fucking *stop.* That is not Tharn's fault, and it's not out of character. It was a shitshow, Tharn reacted appropriately for someone who is not a wilting flower.

The crime part of the show is going no where and is a distraction from the rest of the story: WHAT. We just found out that Lt Tam's death may have been a cover-up and that such cover-ups are an actual problem tied to a person in power - who also was responsible for keeping Songyod out of jail - AND the cover-up problem has been tied to Tharn's parents' deaths (speculatively, by Singh). That's the opposite of going no where and being unrelated.

ACAB: the show is too hooya about the righteousness of police. I agree, and it has been the only part of the show that I don't like. EXCEPT things are maybe getting interesting on that point. I'm not saying this will turn out to be a show about how the justice system sucks, and the boys will be disillusioned. But you know, it might. We've had Thongtai say "the cops failed the SA victims." Sure Inspector Akk yelled at him, but he didn't deny it, he said that they have to believe that the system can make a difference. And now we're finding out that Akk is explicitly going against orders and having his team - who he knows from experience will do what they think is right even if the rules tell them not to - investigate Lt Tam's death. This seems less "all cops are perfect" and more "the system can be corrupted, and the good cops have to fight that." Still an idealized approach to justice, but this *is* a show where romance includes stuck pants zippers and accidental face-plant kissing. And Khem.

#the sign the series #the sign #thinky #its nerd time folks

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cityzenshark · 2 months

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things to fix in Earthspark (part 2)

Trusting the Seekers.

Arcee's relevance in the story season 1

Robbie and Mo

This is simply my take as an adult viewer. No hard feelings.

1. Trusting the Seekers

The kids do have no choice but to trust the only adults to escape the underground and the Dweller safely, but they should be kept on edge because Nova Storm and Skywarp nearly killed Robbie and Mo TWICE in one day. The second time was deliberately on purpose.

They can't be like "The Seekers helped us escape from a monster. Let's trust them now and forget they tried to kill us before and destroyed the Terrans' life source water caves" at the end but it did.

Whatever stories they heard from their parents, specifically Dot, should be enough to keep them on edge as default.

Have Starscream remind Hashtag to tread carefully around him. Have him remind her he was as awful as Megatron used to be. Frankly speaking, the show portrayed Starscream as a poor little wet cat abandoned by its owner. He's a million years old soldier, not another Terran.

Aside from that, make Hashtag retort by firmly saying that her choice to trust him is hers alone.

Megatron shouldn't have shot Starscream but his paranoia isn't unfounded. Earthspark is partly a continuation to G1 cartoon which makes Screamer's assassination attempts on Megs canon until the show states otherwise.

2. Arcee's relevance in the story

Nothing much to be said here. There's already Elita-1 and Wheeljack who could've mentored the twins while Bee is away. Arcee only appeared in Soundwave's episode and later in the finale being mind controlled half the time. She's there just to irritate the kids or did I miss something?

3. Robbie and Mo getting annoyed at each other occasionally.

They act like twins even before getting the cyber sleeves despite the 5 year age gap. I know some siblings hardly fight but the show seems to forget that siblings that much years have very different maturity level.

Understandable that Mo doesn't mind the cyber sleeves, but Robbie should. People are usually at their worst personality at 14. Robbie is cloud nine after getting new siblings and is never annoyed by them changing his life, oddly.

May be unrelated but I had to ask: Why do they share the same class and the same school? I'm not from the US but I know Robbie (14) should be in middle school while Mo (9) should be elementary school. Is there an occasion where middle and elementary school share a building and sessions? Or is Mo the Raf in Earthspark?

I thought Robbie was 12 until I opened TfWiki. He doesn't act his age.

Lastly, in 'Prime Time', why on Earth do they make a little girl apologize for being upset over her brother DYING???

#transformers #transformers earthspark #earthspark #tf malto #tf robbie malto #tf mo malto #tf starscream #tf skywarp #es skywarp #tf Novastorm #tf hashtag #hashtag malto

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sparkly-caroline · 3 months

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WARNING: venting, mature theme (?), personal pet peeve

Oh boy, that's another porn account using hashtags of a piece of media I like. Seriously that's so fucking annoying, and I hate that people do that.

Imagine: you're like "oh I wanna browse the beautiful artworks and fun fanfic ideas about my fav video games from the tumblr masses cuz everyone's so talented :D" and then you see a post of some random ass woman that's completely unrelated to what you're scearching showing her booty cheeks.

"No, Samantha, I'm not gonna buy your onlyfans. You're blocked now." "I just wanted to browse my fav fandoms, why you using unrelated tags, Catherine?" (throwing random names)

It's not so much of a problem for me, since I'm a grown woman, it's just my general dislike for not SFW content. But the thing is, I'm PRETTY sure at least a couple of minors are on this app, and they gotta see that.

I get that tags are how you get attention on Tumblr and you gotta clickbait somehow, but come on man, really?

#ramblings #ranting #venting #tw opinion #tw mature #pet peeve

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aardvaark · 2 months

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hey everyone, get ready for our brand new AI chatbot, built from tumblr user data! let’s look at some example messages!

bot: dni if: you’re human,

bot: hot take but actually i think some people deserve to be oppressed

bot: <company that owns this bot> is vile, i hope it hammer explodes

bot: <random pinterest picture> <9000 random unrelated hashtags>

bot: i hate AI

bot: being a woman is bourgeois

bot: here’s a link to a bunch of pirating websites and a guide on hacktivism

bot: you like <insert data here>? you should kill yourself

bot: you dislike <insert data here>? you should kill yourself

bot: you should steal stuff. and smoke weed. yes im speaking on behalf of <company that owns bot>

bot: being gay is actually a privilege you’re just a fucking ignorant piece of shit who deserved <insert user’s childhood trauma> and worse!

bot: owning a book is so dark academia core

bot: <random link to a scient0l0gy website>

bot: i desire the onceler. carnally. and again, yes, im speaking on behalf of <company that owns bot>

(anyway, you can now turn off third-party sharing in your settings - remember that you have to do it for EVERY blog/side blog individually!)

#wren speaks #unreality #ai #sui bait tw #tumblr

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darkstarofchaos · 9 months

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I'll have more to say about EarthSpark overall later, but for now I'mma leave this here. Spoilers under the cut.

All things considered, it's probably for the best that GHOST is out of the picture already. Like, don't get me wrong, I was low-key disappointed that our main antagonists have already been defeated. I liked them as villains, and in some ways, I feel like we could have gotten more from them; especially regarding Optimus' conflict of working with people you know you can't trust because you feel like you don't have a choice.

The problem is, the longer that went on, the more people would lose patience with Optimus. If it took him a long time to get suspicious of Croft, people would have complained about how stupid he was being, and if he realized she couldn't be trusted but continued to do nothing because he felt they had to go along with it, people would have gotten mad about how passive he was (I've already seen a lot of posts to that effect, and we didn't even have a full season at the time).

Long-term cooperation between GHOST and the Autobots could have been possible, but not while Megatron was there complaining about the unjust treatment of the Decepticons. At best, GHOST would have appeared well-meaning but deeply unsympathetic, and at worst, that aspect of Megatron's character would have to have been removed entirely. So with the setup we got, Optimus couldn't have remained allied with them for long without the fandom coming for him because of it.

The alternative to defeating GHOST would have been for the Autobots to sever ties with them, which could have had one of two outcomes: one, humanity goes to war with Cybertronians, because GHOST would not let them just... go do their own thing (honestly, the threat of another war would probably have been the best way to keep GHOST around as antagonists, because the Autobots + Megatron would have needed time to figure out how to deal with that without more devastation). That said, another war might be looming anyway, but I'll get to that in a minute.

The other outcome of severing ties with GHOST would have been what we got, but over a longer period: the GHOST-allied Cybertronians would have been forcibly taken over and become the secondary antagonists for S2 while the Terrans went into hiding, tried to save their friends, etc. Which might have worked if they met and got help from other hidden Decepticons along the way, but I don't think they could have kept an entire season going on that. It would get tedious after a while, and while Croft's "invade Cybertron" plan would have given the villains something else to do, I just don't think the show could have sustained itself on that plotline.

So yes. Much as I'd have liked to see GHOST continue to be a threat, I think this was the most satisfying wrap-up we could have gotten from them. But their defeat doesn't mean their influence has gone away: if Grimlock and Hashtag are any indicator, we're going to have at least a few bots feeling the trauma of being controlled, and the captive Decepticons can still give us information about what GHOST was doing to them (though I feel like we now know what at least some of that was about. Croft was probably trying to develop the same kind of control technology that Mandroid was already using, and scenes like the one with Scullcruncher were probably tests or otherwise related).

Additionally, having GHOST defeated early means we have plenty of time for the fallout of a public human-Cybertronian alliance falling apart. Whether that means the risk of war or outright war, it's unlikely that the humans are going to just overlook something that, from their perspective, looks really bad. And if the next season's antagonists are who I suspect they'll be (Quintessons), that will give humanity even less reason to trust Cybertronians. It depends on how that plays out, really, since defending Earth from an unrelated threat would give the bots a way to redeem themselves a little to the humans (even if that threat only came because Mandroid was trying to get rid of the Cybertronians. But the humans might not be aware of that link if Quints just show up and start taking over).

TL;DR: This was probably the best outcome we could have gotten for GHOST, and their actions can still echo into the future even if the organization itself is no more. And also, I don't think we can expect a truly happy ending for this series, because the interspecies relations are a clusterfuck. Which doesn't mean we can't have a satisfying ending, but there will probably be some ongoing conflict and pain that just never gets resolved onscreen.

#transformers #Transformers EarthSpark #Earthspark Spoilers #Spoilers

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spnfanficpond · 11 months

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Weekly Pond Newsletter

This weekend is Fishing for Treasures weekend, and we've been celebrating Ship Fics! (We especially love rare pairs!!) Check out the blog for a ton of non-reader insert fics of all types!

(Could a canon ship be considered a rare pair if few enough people actually ship it? Things that make you go hmmmm....)

Old Business:

The SPNFamily has gone into high gear to try and help our favorite actors get their new shows renewed by the CW or saved by another network/platform. If you want to help, too, there are petitions on change.org, and you can add the hashtags #SaveTheWInchesters, #SaveWalkerIndependence and #RenewGothamKnights to all of your social media posts. Adding the hashtags, even to somewhat unrelated tweets/posts keeps the hashtags trending and helps a future network or platform see that there is a lot of support for the show in question. Since shows can't really be shopped around right now due to the WGA strike, anything we can do to catch the eyes of the guys with the money can help!

The WGA strike is in full gear! Everywhere we look around Twitter, we see more stories of how shit being a TV/movie writer pays, these days. And that's just one of the many issues that the WGA is fighting for on behalf of its members. From the use of AI to replace writers to fighting against things like writer mini-rooms, which pay pennies to writers but get full scripts in return, and not having writers on set to make last-minute changes based on changing conditions in shooting. There are a ton of stories out there giving fantastic examples of why these things are important, so if you haven't read about them, follow some of our SPN writers to learn more about it! (And use the hashtag #WGAStrong when you post your support on social media!)

Last week's #TweetFicTues prompt (via @writerswritecompany) was:

(This one has kind of a Doctor Who crossover vibe with the Vashta Nerada, doesn't it? How would the Winchesters fight those shadow monsters?)

New Business:

Manta Rays in the discord server! At the end of this week, THREE of our Manta Rays will be hanging out in the discord server! @mariekoukie6661, @princessmisery666, and @mrswhozeewhatsis will be in there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, respectively. Keep an eye out for announcement posts or check out the Pond Google calendar for dates and times in your time zone!

Angel Fish Award nominations! We're more than halfway through the month, which means that the deadline to get your entries into May's raffle is approaching! Remember, every nomination you send in is an entry into the raffle for awesome prizes! Click here for more info about how to participate and get a look at what you could win! (Spoiler: SPN season DVD sets, SPN shirts, writing tools, fic and art commissions, and so much more!)

(Divider by @glygriffe!)

That's all for this week! To see all Pond events, and also other SPN-related things like conventions and online concerts, check out our Google calendar! We try to keep it as up to date as possible. If there's something you want to see on the calendar that's not there (maybe a convention we missed, or cast birthdays, or something similar), send us an ASK and let us know!

Hope you have a great week! - From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @princessmisery666, @thoughtslikeaminefield, and @katbratsupernaturalwhore!

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bitciziad · 9 months

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welcome to my blog || minors + ageless profiles DNI !!

—

i have zero idea how tumblr works i’m rawdogging it cuz i learn no other way, expect a lot of editing but we got this dwdw

i’ll mostly use this blog for Degrees of Lewdity, meaning MINORS DNI. no age = blocked :(

i do NOT tolerate: -> homophobia, transphobia, racism, the sexualization of minors/pedophilia, etc.

NSFW material will be reblogged, posted, drawn, etc. while the content i personally create might not be that explicit, the community i interact with is - which can include art + stories with nudity, dub/noncon, sex, gore, etc. so just like general cw there. heavy on the might.

viewer discretion is advised!

blog navigation:

#binge!myart - my posted art ! have fun homie

#dol!hc - headcanons kinda (or shitposts)

#bitwip - work in progresses OR unrelated text

#others art - rb art that isn’t mine !!

#reblog - self explanatory text rb’s ykyk

#asks/messages - answered inbox stuff

T.B.C. - the hashtag stuff confuses me but i’ll figure it out so… to be continued ?? tags might change and i’ll link ‘em later.

side note; any specific character art you want to see will just have the normal DoL tag (ex: #kylar the loner // #dol kylar) on my profile, which will also be included with the reblogs! idk i’m figuring it out

other stuff, FAQ:

using my art:

feel free to use my fanart with credit as pfps on tumblr, you can also use/reference my designs for DoL! love that n i don’t mind, all i ask is that my personal art of OCs are not taken (or art that i specifically create for others) and to not repost any of my art on other platforms whatsoever. other than that idc, i get inspired by all y’all anyway so have fun go crazy go stupid

inbox/questions:

i genuinely have very little clue as to how asks work but i love to see them so we’ll burn that bridge together when we get there ;) it takes me a minute to respond but i’ll try just for you tho bb dw say whatever you want i gotchu i don’t mind if it’s related to DoL or not, be unhinged n curious always babes i’ll absolutely reply when i can

what is DoL?:

if you followed my account without knowing what DoL is - degrees of lewdity (DoL) is basically a free-range-do-what-you-will text-based explicit porn game that contains mostly any and all mature NSFW topics of dubcon, noncon, sex, drugs, abuse, etc. with other world/story elements. all characters in the game are 18+

bitciziad?:

you can call me bitciziad or binge! i’m 19 and bi as hell (drooling over any and everyone forever and always YUH) anyway i’m a self indulgent (but procrastinating) fanartist n i make out with the homies PASSIONATELY so pucker up we bout to kiss. on the lips.

on another note though feel free to interact with however you do that, i talk a LOT im shameless babes u wanna share music ?? art ?? headcanons ?? just shoot the shit ?? i gotchu BUT THANK YOUU for liking my art/the comments or tags you leave y’all’re great

anyway that’s all for now i think so have this tiny ass mta doodle i did forever ago for a filler, 100% expect for this to get edited at some point along with everything i will ever post ever™

#binge!myart #bitwip #intro? kinda?#idk we rawdogging it y’all

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woolieshubris · 8 months

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oh my god i just realized why tumblr search is Like that.

if you type "selfie" into a blog, it has a few options.

The expected response -> ALL posts tagged with "#selfie" appear.

Helpful response -> All posts with a tag that contains the word "selfie" appear (ex: "#%selfie%, #my selfie, #woah cute selfie!")

Search all response -> All posts that contain the word "selfie" appear. (in the tags OR body of the post)

Tumblr DOES differentiate between these things while searching- however, the issue is the way they display the differences.

Lets say, for instance, you are looking for posts tagged "#the locked tomb". When you search "the locked tomb" on your tumblr blog, all posts with the words "the locked tomb" will appear. (specifically in that order iirc) this can lead to confusing results. Posts you didn't tag show up before posts you DID tag. It shows in reverse chronological order (similar to how the dash appears). This isn't what you wanted. (Since you wanted specifically posts tagged with #the locked tomb)

In order to find this specific search, you have to type in "#the locked tomb", not "the locked tomb". The hashtag matters. This makes sense to some extent, but it isn't explained to users. After all, we expect untagged posts to not show up in our search results. That's the reason they are untagged. It does make it easier to try to *find* posts, but it doesn't work the way we expect.

On top of this, when you do search "#the locked tomb" and scroll past all of your posts with that tag, posts will start appearing that contain "the locked tomb" (posts WITHOUT the tag.)

Again, it makes it easier to find posts, but it doesn't work in the way we expect.

Now, we've been talking about on a blog wide scale. How about a site wide scale?

When you search "mole interest" onto tumblr, the first results will be posts tagged with "#mole interest", sorted by popularity/trendiness. This makes sense. Then, posts that contain the words "mole interest" appear, again, sorted by popularity/trendiness. Kind of confusing, but still makes sense.

THEN, posts that contain "mole" or "interest" anywhere in the body of text or tags start to appear. *This* is incredibly frustrating.* It makes sense, from a technological standpoint. Of course, we want posts like this to appear- after all, what if these posts are about mole interest? It would be odd to not include them. (This happened often to the tag "#dark academia", where posts about

However, they really often don't. ANYONE who uses the word interest in their post starts to appear- which is a hell of a lot of people. This leads to unrelated posts to appear.

Once the tag reaches a certain amount of posts, this behavior stops as far as I can tell- but this does NOT help the reputation the website has for being broken.

(BY THE WAY, if any staff see this, or anyone who does understand more about the way the website works behind the scenes, I'd love to hear more of an explanation! I could def have gotten some information wrong)

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theroastedwretch · 1 year

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Between the Lines- Ep. 7

Warnings- PG-13 due to Swearing and Explicit Language, Innuendos and bad jokes, Mature Themes, Violent References

Index Ep. 6

Not telling Lilly about leveraging my sister’s contacts was possibly the hardest I’ve ever bit my tongue. #IAmJake, for all of my doubts, was actually taking off. There was nothing the internet loved more than the chance to stick it to “the man”, so the story of a government-wanted hacker being thrown into the line of fire while just trying to help find his missing friend played into that narrative pretty well.

I think she knew, though, since she continued to keep me updated on the progress despite the fact that I hadn’t participated directly at all.

I wanted to— I’d actually started several times, but stopped just short of hitting enter. I still had access to Nym-0s and the link to the video about Hannah, and I worried that if I got linked any closer to Jake, it might put what few secrets he had given me at risk. I wondered if Lilly’s involvement wasn’t a bit of a liability, too, but hers could be seen as making amends. Since she’d contacted people directly about the movement, compared to her very public video, most people probably still thought she hated him.

Which, since it would be safer for her, was probably fine with Jake.

Paige had been a godsend, though. I could tell she wasn’t happy about it, at all, but she accepted my determination without much more than cursory protests and then threw her weight into pulling whatever strings she had available.

As it turned out, one of the photographers she’d worked with had some higher profile clients than she’d known, and really wanted to bang her. As a result, I was actually seeing the hashtag on profiles I’d had for things totally unrelated to my own social circle. It was actually a bit trippy the first time I saw it pop up on a profile I’d made exclusively for when I wanted to scroll through cat pictures.

Guess I wasn’t the only crazy cat lady in his corner anymore.

I wasn’t sure how I felt, sharing Jake in this way. Before Lilly’s video, talking to him had felt like my own illicit secret, even the others weren’t totally sure of my level of association with him. Now, they all knew his name, along with so many others, and it felt like what little claim I had on him was gone. Even though Lilly considered us together now, it just didn’t feel the same.

Especially since I still had no idea if he even knew she thought we were together.

It temporarily mollified me a bit when the group automatically assumed the movement was my doing. But even that, I knew, was as much about what they didn’t know as what they did. Jake’s absence, now by far the longest we’d gone since our first conversation, was making me question everything and doubt myself in ways I was struggling to get control over.

I knew he’d be back for Hannah, of course. Now that I knew their connection, it all made sense. How many times had I bent over backwards to put the fear of god in some asshole who was making Paige cry, or drive two towns over to pick her up off the pavement when she got too drunk? And wasn’t she, right now, throwing her professional life on the line over Jake for me?

Similarly, after everything, I was having a really hard time staying mad at Lilly. Looking back, it occurred to me that he’d never seemed angry about it. Annoyed, inconvenienced, maybe even sad. But he didn’t seem to blame her. And he could have deleted her video himself, or just sent one of us his explanation with no strings, but it was important to him that we work through our anger.

She’d hurt him way more than she had me, so it probably wasn’t my grudge to hold. We’d revisit the issue if it ended up he was captured or hurt, though.

I’d also ended up her confidant for her attempts to come to terms with everything. That, I was a bit more conflicted with, but I also knew I was the only one she could talk to. Hannah was missing, telling her parents would only cause more upheaval, and she felt honor bound not to tell the group. So while I had to bite back a cutting remark every now and then, I was pretty practiced at that by now considering my sense of humor.

It was during one of these times that the first hacking attempt startled me into dropping my phone. Which, once I’d gathered my wits a bit, made me feel pretty silly. If there was anything you’d think I’d be used to by now, it would be my phone being accessed by someone else. But since when could my phone recognize that? Was this what Jake had done ages ago when he’d had me open my devices for him? I’d been under the impression that he was mainly looking to shield the dubious nature of our work, or maybe program a kill switch if it went bad and I got arrested or something.

Man, I really needed to learn to ask for details.

The fact that it was Nym-0s that pushed back the attack wasn’t lost on me either, that name was engraved into my mind now from the amount of times I’d listened to that video by now. So it was definitely Jake’s doing.

But why?

I mean, I guess I did opt out of sharing the hashtag for similar reasons. Other than Hannah, who was missing, I was really the only person with a confirmed link to Jake that wasn’t just a casual social media post. Maybe not sharing it made me look more suspicious? Reverse psychology wasn’t my thing.

The second attempt actually made me a bit nervous. Location tracking was a bit more alarming than just trying to access my device. I mean, maybe it shouldn’t have been since I had no idea what they could do with my device versus my location, but there was something a bit sinister about the idea that they wanted to find me, not just search through my chats with Jake.

But I didn’t know anything. What good would knowing where I was do? I guess they could take my phone from me, but that didn’t make sense, I could just break it or something. My phone number alone made it clear Jake couldn’t have come to me to hide, and there was no way I could have gone there without a huge paper trail that would be much easier to trace than my phone.

I couldn’t determine what they wanted from me, but suddenly my location didn’t seem as far from everything as it had before. Worse, the fact that this program existed on my phone meant Jake hadn’t told me something. Again. Boy was that getting old.

We’d have to talk about that at some point. Through this mess, I was discovering that I could accept a lot in a relationship. Reading every word I said, making changes to my device, and being a fugitive? That was fine. But don’t make decisions for me, and don’t keep secrets.

Well, at least I was learning about myself…

I was also learning just how prone I was to bouts of hysterical laughter during stress. That one I knew, abstractly, but had never been hit with enough stressors in a row to really know how warped my sense of humor got when all else went to shit.

MC: Oh my god.

MC: Phil just asked Jessy if I was single.

Paige: WHAT?

MC: He’s still never seen me. What is he playing at?

Paige: 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was a bit confused when Jessy told Phil she didn’t know if I felt the same way as Jake. I hadn’t really discussed him with her since my pity party a while ago, I supposed, and it was possible that Paige said something to her about Joe (how were they talking? Why hadn’t spy mode alerted me?) but the fact that all of these people seemed so sure about his feelings was just baffling to me.

Am I really just that bad at this???

___

Jessy: Guys, look at this!

When I swapped over to the group chat, I was confronted with a picture of… me. Pink hair, black lipstick, and cat ears.

MC: Oh god.

MC: Where did you find that?

Jessy: Facebook! Well, Paige sent it to me from Facebook.

MC: That was like 12 years ago!

MC: How did you even find my profile?

Jessy: She and I have been friends for a while and I tried looking for you but didn’t see anything. Your name and profile picture are different.

So that was where they were talking. Cool.

MC: Look. I have no excuse except that I was young.

Dan: Damn, MC. You had a nose ring?

MC: I still do, but not the point.

Jessy: And tattoos!

Richy: I never would have guessed.

I decided to let the teasing distract me for a little bit, the group chat had been so serious for a while now.

MC: Yeah, what were you guys like at 18?

Dan: Mostly this.

MC: Okay, that I believe.

MC: I had a goth phase. It happens.

Jessy: I love the hair! The lipstick doesn’t suit you though.

MC: I looked like a ghost. But you know, that’s what I was going for.

Dan: I’ve never seen what you look like now, so you could still be goth

Had I never shared a picture in the big chat? Huh. Jessy already knew, and Cleo too, but it only now occurred to me that none of the guys or Lilly had any idea what I looked like. But Jessy quickly took care of that too, sending the picture that Paige had taken for the Single Ladies.

MC: Okay I don’t look like that either, my sister does magic.

Jessy: You’re pretty! You just look extra fancy here.

MC: And about 5 years younger.

MC: Jessy, why were you looking for my profile?

Jessy: 😘

MC: Do I need to kill Paige?

Jessy: Noooo! She just likes talking about you and stuff from when you were younger.

MC: Don’t take them to heart too much, I grew up and got boring. 🤣

Jessy: You did not!

As if the universe could sense that we were enjoying a moment of light-hearted fun, it all came crashing down. Thomas interrupted with a clip from the news, finally naming the woman they’d found so long ago as Amy Bell Lewis. It was good to have a name, but sobering to be brought back down to earth so violently.

The group was wholly unhelpful in learning about her. It seemed like she was quiet, maybe a loner. For a half second, I wondered how many people would know anything about me if I was killed. At least, beyond a nose ring and tattoo, I guess. But I knew it would take a while before anyone noticed I was missing other than the people from work.

Additionally, it was somewhat disturbing how long it had taken to release her name, and how easily we’d forgotten about her after learning it wasn’t Hannah. She had to have people out there wanting to know what happened to her too, right? Had there been a group chat like this dedicated to finding her? Or had she really gone totally unnoticed for so long that her absence was overlooked entirely?

No one had any idea what her connection was to Hannah, either, so it must not have been anything recent, or significant. Could they know each other from therapy? If they had regular appointment times, they could have met in the waiting room.

Not everyone who is quiet is depressed, MC.

Phil’s arrest, too, threw a cold bucket of water on the group, and once again I found myself wanting to give Jessy a hug and comfort her. So much of the recent activity had hit home for her— the attack, her workplace being marked, and now her brother being arrested. She had so much on her plate and there wasn’t anything any of us could do to help.

I hated to prod her about the attack, but now that her brother had been arrested, I hoped that she’d be more eager to go over it and it would be less traumatic.

Way to pretend anything positive is coming from this. When did I become so cold-hearted?

I’d forgotten that Richy knew Jessy was out the night of the attack. I went over to my notebook and wrote that under him and, praying for Jessy to forgive me, I made a page for Phil, writing about the arrest and Hannah’s call.

Jessy’s blind faith that I was worth the risk, even after she was attacked, left me wallowing in guilt. How could she think that, while I was safe from the culprit, hiding away while he stalked them to scare me?

I had to start planning to go there. It would take time, and a fair bit of it, to get the money together. But I could take on extra hours, and budget carefully. I had to stop thinking of Duskwood as a place I wanted to see, and start thinking of it as somewhere I needed to go. To help my friends.

As I was explaining to Jessy about the attacks on my phone, I sent off an email to my boss about working out additional shifts. My work hadn’t been the best lately, but I’d been there for a while and hoped that my recent boost in productivity counted for something.

___

Oddly, Phil had added himself to my rotation of adopted randos from Duskwood. Maybe Jessy had told him I was single, or I was still just the town’s new shiny toy and he needed to get his turn to play.

Maybe I would throw Paige at him sometime soon.

Not that I didn’t appreciate the attention. Hadn’t that been the whole reason I’d gone out with Joe? I’d never had much self-esteem, and external validation could easily make or break it. Being a hermit for years now meant that just about every man I encountered was either a co-worker, paid to smile and be nice, or a stranger at the supermarket.

He didn’t just flirt, either. We talked about music a couple of times, though he was way more familiar with a broad variety of things where I mostly listened to the same bands on repeat. I suppose he didn’t have much choice, working a bar.

I still didn’t know ages for the group— it kept slipping my mind to between all of the death and vigilantism—but I suspected that I was somewhere between Jessy and Phil. Jessy’s sweetness and naïveté made her seem far younger than she likely was, yet I felt like I was probably a bit closer to Phil’s age than Jessy’s.

He gave me a few funny stories about regulars, and I talked about the times I had to drag my dad’s drunk ass home from the bar.

MC: To be fair, he’s nicer drunk than he is sober.

MC: You can always tell when he’s had enough, he starts actually talking about his feelings. 😂

Phil: I’ve got a few of those. You learn a lot about them very fast.

MC: My dad’s bartender knows his AND my entire life story. Every time I go home for a visit he starts asking me about stuff I didn’t even think I told my dad.

The one thing I still hadn’t opened up to the group much about was my family, at least outside of Paige. She may have told Jessy about our rather dysfunctional adolescence, especially if she sent her a photo from that time. But I didn’t think Paige would go into much detail about it either. She was less tight-lipped about it all, but also knew I tried not to mix that life with my current.

But it kind of felt good to talk to someone about part of that craziness, and as a bartender, I knew my dad would barely scratch the surface of what it took to faze Phil.

Phil: It sounds like he’s proud of you then :)

Phil: I bet you’re adorable when you show up to get him home safe

MC: Again, I remind you that you’ve never seen a picture of me and have no idea what I look like.

Phil: You could send me one

MC: That would make it seem like I’m encouraging your behavior.

Phil: Tease

Phil: I could just ask Jessy you know ;)

MC: But you haven’t yet. Pretty sure it’s not about the picture at this point, it’s about winning.

Phil: I imagine both would be equally enjoyable.

MC: Nice try, I almost believed you that time.

Phil: It’s almost time to open, talk to you later, Mystery Woman.

Rolling my eyes, I didn’t bother replying and went back to my contacts list, checking to see if Jake was online out of habit. He wasn’t, but Richy was.

For all I felt like I’d talked to Richy, I couldn’t say I really knew much about him. He’d never disappeared the way Thomas and Dan had, or pushed me away like Lilly. But it felt like Cleo and Jessy had both tried to connect with me in a way that Richy had only ever attempted once, with the Dare House.

Maybe it was worth a try again. I had a sense he was hiding something, if only because of how much he occasionally reminded me about what I was hiding.

MC: So, you’ve told me about your childhood trauma from the time you peed yourself in the forest. What else you got?

Richy: Excuse me?

MC: Sorry, that sounded way more friendly and casual in my head. Let me try to speak human.

MC: You told me about the Dare House but I don’t know much else about you and I wanted to learn more.

Richy: So you’re starting with childhood traumas? 😂

MC: To be fair, that’s where you started, too.

Richy: That’s actually fair. 😒

Richy: I didn’t pee, I just almost did.

Richy: But also, what makes you think there’s more than that?

MC: Jessy has to yell at you for your morbid jokes almost as often as she has to yell at me.

MC: You just kind of smile through it all. I know that look.

Richy: Are you saying because I smile too much I must be hiding some dark secret?

MC: It’s the type of smile. But yeah, pretty much. I don’t trust people who smile too much.

Richy: Jessy smiles a lot too.

MC: Jessy feels everything a lot, though. You’ve got that quiet thing going, and it’s always the quiet ones.

Richy: 😳

Richy: Are you flirting with me?

MC: No, but I can see how you’d think that.

MC: I just finished talking to Phil, so his energy must have rubbed off on me or something.

Richy: Phil? Why did you talk to him?

MC: I have no life? And I’m supposed to be investigating aren’t I?

Richy: So you think he’s involved?

MC: No clue, but he’s been super friendly since he got my number.

Richy: 🙄

MC: I can’t be womanized across the world. No one’s that impressive, trust me.

MC: Come on, tell me your damage.

Richy: You don’t let go do you?

MC: Never!

Richy: I guess it’s just my parents. My dad and I don’t see eye to eye much and my mom isn’t well.

I flinched. I hadn’t expected to get to the big stuff that fast, or to relate so hard to his answer. Why couldn’t these people be totally unlikable?

MC: Woof, I feel those.

Richy: So you’ve got parent problems too?

MC: You could definitely say that, yeah.

MC: Okay, I’ll give you once since you played nice with me, too.

MC: Well, you saw the picture Jessy sent. Around that time I was dating this guy. We got up to some crazy stuff, things were hectic at home and my parents didn’t really keep an eye on me very well.

MC: One time we got super drunk and went skinny dipping in this fountain. There were a bunch of us though and one of them apparently was too drunk to remember how to stand up. We had to “save” her from like six inches of water, and for some reason it made me terrified of swimming when I drink.

I hated remembering that day, of course, but in terms of my own damage it was relatively far down the list. But it was decently low-stakes so it wouldn’t bring down the mood too far, and I was hoping that maybe quid pro quo would open him up a bit.

Richy: Teenagers and booze is always a bad time.

I laughed. That was an understatement. Still, of the two I imagined that talking about his parents would help me understand him way more than drunken teenage shenanigans would.

MC: You’re telling me!

MC: It really sucks about your mom, though. Genuinely. I can’t imagine that it doesn’t take a toll.

Richy: That’s why I took over the garage. He’s taking care of her. That’s a full time job some days.

Well now I was feeling guilty. There was always this fine line between playing with their lives and investigating, and right now I felt like I was crossing it. Still, I told myself it had to be good for him to open up, if nothing else. From what I’d seen so far, this group kept far too much to themselves and really could use a good therapist for the lot of them.

Not Barrett, preferably.

MC: I can imagine, it takes a lot to do home care for someone really sick. MC: You know you can talk to me any time, right? MC: Isn’t that the fun of internet strangers? You don’t have to care what I think. What does it matter if I judge you?

Richy: I might just take you up on that some day, MC.

MC: Good.

I let a small smile cross my lips. Hopefully I could help my friends in ways beyond just helping Hannah.

___

By the time of the third cyber attack, I wasn’t scared. At least, not in the way it seemed like Jake thought I was.

The attempt to hack my phone had been startling, of course. I’d gotten used to the feeling that I was never alone on my devices, knowing that someone could be there at any time.

But the word hack had become almost benign to me at this point. It represented the lengths you were willing to go to for the people you loved, silently pulling data meant to get you one step closer to ensuring their safety.

I’d gotten used to (and disturbingly accepting of) the idea of curious, but admittedly creepy, observation. At some point over the last few weeks, it’d become almost a game, and there were definitely times I tried to use it to my advantage and provoke him.

This was different. This wasn’t an awkward, formal man refusing to discuss the constant stream of innuendos and bullshit I spew while he carefully reviews for any leads. This was targeted and hostile, an attack.

But truthfully, I was still calm about it. Despite my heart racing and ears ringing when the masked faces appeared on my screen, waiting for my face to appear on theirs, I recalled it even minutes later with almost a scoff. The aggressive, over-the-top performance looked like they’d left it in the hands of the interns to do, using cheap props and left over Halloween costumes. The lack of effort they put into making it convincing made me realize something.

Ultimately, if they knew enough to try to get into my phone, they knew where I was. They knew what I looked like. If they’d been able to nearly track down Jake, there’s no way they didn’t already know everything about me down to when my next period was due. I grew up on the internet, my entire social life was virtual— there were too many leaks to plug, too much info out there, to think otherwise.

To think that they needed to access my phone for that was absurd. But I wasn’t the target. It didn’t matter if I was scared of the ski masks and wordless threats. It didn’t matter if I cared about it if they knew where I was. I was an object, a pawn.

They didn’t want me. They’d probably never waste time actually coming for me, not unless they got desperate. I was useless to them, I didn’t know where he was, I could only contact him if he could contact me, and the only thing I knew less about than computers was Jake himself. Coming to get me would be a liability to them. Open them up to scrutiny, require money, effort, time.

It was Jake’s fear they wanted. And for that, they didn’t need costumes or elaborate plans. It was my existence, and their awareness of it, that left him terrified. And I was only useful alive. Kill me, and they lose their leverage, and make Jake even less likely to ever risk another connection and give them that advantage again.

No, their power was in making Jake think they would use me.

For all that Jake pushed me away and tried to keep me from caring, my feelings didn’t matter to my safety. They never did. The second he started caring, and Lilly’s video linked us and made them aware of it, I became incredibly important in a way I never had been before.

Creating Nym-0s and rushing in to cut their access just made it even more clear. He’d tipped his hand, confirmed their suspicions, and exposed himself even more. If he hadn’t been so worried about putting me in danger… we may have both been in less danger.

It made me want to shake him by the shoulders and yell, but it also made me a little sad.

Not just because of the missed time and hurt it’d caused me, and maybe even him. Not just because I knew he would be carrying the guilt of the risk of association for a while now. Not even just because he’d see this as proving him right.

But because the life he’s led for so long now made it so he hadn’t even considered the result of his feelings, just the actions he took. He’d spent so much time suppressing everything, and now that he couldn’t keep that up when surrounded by the stress and trauma of what we were going through, he risked becoming lost.

I didn’t know him well enough to be as sure of this as I was, but some part of me knew with absolute certainty that no matter what happened, he’d never stop working to protect me from then. Even if I broke his heart and walked away, never spoke to him again, he’d never risk leaving me vulnerable.

And that meant I’d always be his weak spot.

Still, seeing his name on my screen again, I did start to cry. I wanted to get mad at him for being gone, for not telling me when he realized they might be coming after me, but he was so broken up and remorseful about the hacking attempt that I had to wait. I couldn’t kick him while he was down like this. Besides, wasn’t I beating myself up about the same thing for Jessy not too long ago?

But we would talk about it, and soon.

I gave Lilly credit for the social media campaign, of course. It had been her idea, after all, and I hadn’t even told her what I’d done. She probably knew, but we’d left it unsaid and I knew she needed this, needed something to convince herself she didn’t totally ruin her brother’s life.

As the shock of his return began to fade and I relaxed into the conversation, I noticed that he sounded different to me. Still very formal, but less cold. I don’t know if he was exhausted from the stress of running, or still worried about the attacks, but something in his tone had changed. Not for the first time, I wondered if his difficulty reading tone over text extended to being unaware of what he was projecting or if he was allowing the softer emotions to slip through.

The needy part of me, which after so long was the vast majority, wanted to demand his attention for longer. It had felt like such a long time that having a short conversation didn’t feel like enough. But I knew he was behind, that he’d had a tough time, and that pushing him right now would be taking advantage of that. So I held off, only pouting in my head a little.

___

Holding off on pouncing on Jake actually worked out for the best, since not long after he logged off, Jessy dropped the bomb on me that Hannah’s GPS took her to Iris’s house, and that Hannah believed Jennifer’s killer was her stalker.

Once she hung up, I groaned. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t fit. Just another corner piece where I already had more than I’d ever need for one puzzle. The legend centered around vengeance, where Hannah’s diaries and therapy session were clearly guilt related. What vendetta would Jennifer’s killer— whether the method was car or murder— have against Hannah, who was a child at the time? How did Amy fit?

Every time I thought that maybe I had something figured out, something else came in and blew it all up. I could only hope that Jessy’s search into the car gave us something. And I guess just twiddle my thumbs in the meantime.

Dan seemed to be struggling about being left on the sidelines as much as I was, laying the blame on Phil for his car. Even when he was talking to Jessy about Dan missing his shift, I didn’t sense rage to the level of attempted murder. It still seemed to me more like he was tired of the shit, which fit with the conversations we’d had about the group. We were his little sister’s friends and not a whole lot more than that, and he took up way more room in our minds than we did in his.

I still wasn’t convinced that Dan’s car had been tampered with at all, frankly. Occuam’s razor had never fit a situation better than this one to my mind. I wondered if maybe he wasn’t even the tiniest bit jealous, since he was safe and uninvolved while the rest of us were in the line of fire.

I knew I’d lost control of the situation, if I’d ever even had it, once Cleo joined in and started agreeing that Phil was suspicious. I didn’t know the man beyond a few casual chats, so I knew I could easily be missing something, but it just didn’t seem to fit.

I guess I’d just have to wait and see.

___

By the time Jake finished catching up, I was ready to pull my hair out over the whole lot of them. Jessy had quit her job, Dan seemed pissed— but oddly quiet— to find out nothing was wrong with his car, and the whole group hated each other. And I just had to watch it all and do nothing.

My boss had approved O/T, and although I was a bit worried about the load I was taking on, I hoped it meant I could afford to go out there in a month or two, depending on how long it seemed like it would take once I got there. But things were falling apart fast, and I was starting to worry I wouldn’t get that kind of time. And the idea of Hannah having to wait that long didn’t sit right with me either.

As always, Jake was almost frighteningly good at keeping a level head. I’d have to ask him how he did it one day.

Just as I was thinking about how impressive his objectivity was, he asked me about Phil.

Well, “asked” is a very strong way to put it. Really he just stated facts and left it open for explanation, which made me roll my eyes. Things would be a lot easier if he just said what he meant, but that never was his style when it came to feelings he was uncomfortable with. Which appeared to be most of them, when I thought about it.

But when he said he didn’t want me to go to Duskwood, I stopped dead. Was this just coming from Phil asking me to visit? Had he seen my ticket searches? On top of that, I was reasonably sure he was in Duskwood, or at least nearby. I’d never ask, for his safety, but I had the feeling he’d want to be nearby. Did he not want me there because he was afraid I’d look for him?

I couldn’t promise him I wouldn’t go, of course. I didn’t want to lie to him, even with all his secrets and double speak, and I knew it wasn’t a promise I would keep.

My mood dropped significantly after that. Maybe he was telling the truth, that he didn’t want me to go to Duskwood because of the danger, but it felt like more. His sister was already in that danger, and I’d be with the others where I’m alone here most of the time.

I couldn’t bring myself to ask though.

Not about me, remember?

___

Somehow, no one was better at reminding me of that fact than Lilly, who was possibly the only person more in knots over Jake than I was. Her role in his life was much more… established, I supposed, since he could never not be related to her. But she’d never even spoken to him beyond the single conversation they’d had over the video, and I think the uncertainty was weighing on her.

Since finding out he was her brother, and my admission of my feelings for him (and hope-tinged bluff of reciprocation), our conversations had gained a new dynamic. Maybe she saw some bond between us with our shared secrets and worries, but either way I’d started hearing from her more than just about anyone else in the group, especially when Jessy had so much on her mind.

I was texting Paige, telling her that Jake was back and asking for some advice on how she’d made me look so different— I didn’t think I’d need it, but a few weeks ago I didn’t think I’d need a program protecting my phone from people using me as bait for a government-wanted hacker— when Lilly lit up my phone again.

Lilly: MC?

Lilly: Have you heard anything more from him? Apart from the investigation, I mean.

Lilly: I keep fretting over not knowing how he’s doing, and whether he hates me.

MC: He seems fine, though he can be a bit cavalier about his own safety to keep me from worrying. 🙄

MC: And honestly, I was way more mad at you than he was.

Lilly: I never really apologized to you properly either, did I?

MC: No, but, I was mostly mad for him once I step back and think on it. The only benefit of being nowhere near you guys is that no one in my life really cared about what you had to say.

MC: Except my sister, she may be plotting your murder, but she’s even less likely to make it over there than I am, at least I have a passport.

Lilly: Oh, I didn’t know you had siblings!

MC: One sister, younger. She drives me nuts as often as she makes me laugh, but I love her.

Lilly: Are you close?

I hesitated over telling Lilly much about Paige. At this point I trusted her well enough, and Paige could hold her own if it came to it. No, I was more worried for Lilly’s sake considering the baggage that sibling relationships held for her at the moment. Although, maybe that was why she asked.

MC: Sometimes. We’re open with each other, actually kind of disturbingly so, she has no filter and I’ve got very little. But we live pretty far apart and she’s got this whole life apart from me.

MC: But when it matters, she’s got my back and she knows I have hers.

Lilly: That’s sweet.

Lilly: Hannah and I live pretty close, but if Jake hadn’t told us all she was missing, I’m not sure when I’d have noticed.

Lilly: Don’t get me wrong, I love her! Of course I do. Please don’t think that’s what I’m saying.

Lilly: But we didn’t talk all that much, not really. I told you that back when she first talked to Jake I wouldn’t have asked her why they stopped, but I don’t really even know if I would have now either.

Lilly: We’re just so different.

Lilly: This is probably the most I’ve talked to her friends in years, since she moved out of our parents’.

Lilly: Maybe that’s why I went so hard after you and Jake.

Lilly: You were no one to her, or at least I thought so, and here you were jumping in to figure things out.

Lilly: It was… easier, maybe, to blame you than to deal with what was going on. It gave me something to focus on.

MC: I get it. If it were Paige, I don’t know what I’d do. Grief is weird and people do dumb shit with it. I just wish you’d talked to me instead. The others tried to figure me out first.

MC: Though, I gotta ask- why do you trust me now? I get Jake, his motivations are obvious now. But nothing changed about me.

Lilly: Well, I guess I just saw what type of person you are. You wanted to curse me out when I first added you, I could tell. But you heard me out when you could have held a grudge. I would have!

Lilly: It made no sense to me that you were helping Hannah. But then it also made no sense to me that you helped me. And I realize: you’re really just that weird.

Lilly: And once you and Jake made sense to me, your motivation became pretty obvious too.

MC: I started helping before I liked him, you know.

Lilly: Yep, you’re weird.

MC: So you trust me because I’m weird.

Lilly: Well, you’re also dating my brother.

MC: We are not at the meet-the-family stage, you know.

Lilly: That’s part of being weirdddddd.

And in that moment, it felt so much like talking to Paige that I had to smile and maybe admit just to myself that I liked her a little.

Which only gave me even more people to worry about when Jessy sent me the picture of the mark on her door.

___

While the others debated about whether or not to leave and took some time to think, I sat around on my ass, worrying. What was I supposed to do? I’d love for them to come to me and us all keep each other safe, but between the distance and the likelihood of Annie murdering me if I brought home that many people, it didn’t seem like the best idea.

When it started getting dark out, I accepted that I wasn’t going to get any definitive news tonight. Before I could sign out, though, I saw that at least one person was still online.

MC: Jake?

MC: I hate this.

MC: I hate sitting here safe while they’re getting stalked, attacked and marked.

MC: You’re in danger too.

MC: Meanwhile I’m just stress eating and getting fatter. My biggest risk is heart disease.

Jake: It is a good thing that you aren’t at risk, MC.

I couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at his total side-step of the stress eating topic. Maybe he wasn’t totally socially inept.

MC: But I can’t DO anything! I’m useless.

Jake: You have done an excellent job with the investigation, even without my help.

Jake: Additionally, I realize you gave Lilly all of the credit for the distraction, but the location information makes it easy to trace two separate hot spots.

Jake: Though I’m not thrilled at the idea of pulling their attention even more in your direction, I know you were involved.

MC: I didn’t even do that, though, Paige did. Just like Jessy and the others are the ones going out and looking for things, I just sift through it all.

MC: I’m sorry, you have things you’ve got to do. I just needed to whine a little.

Jake: You underestimate the effect you have and how important your role has been.

MC: I’m so scared for them, and for you. I know you say I don’t have to worry, but that’s like telling me not to care. Do you want that?

Jake: It would be safer for you.

MC: That’s not what I asked, though.

Jake is typing…

I watched him type and erase for a while, biting the inside of my cheek. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to do this, adding my own bullshit onto the stress he was carrying already. But by now there was just too much going on in my head, and so little I could do to deal with it. It seemed like no matter how hard I worked to unravel the mystery, the more threads I pulled, the more of a mess it became.

I just needed to quiet one voice. Just for a bit. And this felt like the only one I even had the tiniest chance at. It wasn’t fair to him, not at all, but I had to know. So I didn’t jump in to let him off the hook, not this time. I didn’t let my phone go idle or swap screens. I needed a reply, and I was willing to wait for it if I had to.

Jake: Selfishly, no, I don’t want that at all. I know it’s not right and I should be allowing you to be with someone who could offer you more than this, but it was the knowledge that you were there and waiting to hear from me that kept me going. I read your messages whenever I could, and it meant more than I can express to see that you didn’t hate me and that your feelings seemed unchanged by what you’d learned.

Jake: You were so confident that I would return, I couldn’t allow myself to disappoint you.

MC: I’m glad you liked them, I was so afraid I was being super annoying, spamming you like that.

Jake: Admittedly, there were times it became rather distracting. I had disabled alerts for the rest of the chats but couldn’t bring myself to mute ours. It was occasionally difficult not to reply.

MC: I was worried about that, I should have been more careful. I just missed you, I guess.

Jake: No, it was… appreciated.

I fiddled with my phone, at war with myself. I should let myself be happy with this, already far more than he’d ever opened up before. The temptation was too great, though, as if the combination of his absence and the hint of the growing connection made for an addicting brew.

MC: You don’t want me to not come there because you don’t want to see me, right?

After hitting enter, I re-read that and cringed. There was probably a way I could have said that more awkwardly and included more negatives, but fuck if I knew how. Thankfully, he replied much more quickly this time, which I tried to take as a good sign rather than letting my insecurities take over and topple this house of cards we were building.

Jake: That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.

MC: I know it sounds silly. I think I just get lost in doubt when I’m left to my own devices too long.

Jake: It sounds like we should avoid letting that happen, then.

I chuckled. He may not have meant that as flirty as I took it, but who could really blame a girl for letting her mind wander just a bit, right?

MC: Yes, that’s a very good idea.

Jake: It would certainly be much harder to prevent myself from coming to see you if you weren’t half a world away, and right now it would be too risky. There are too many eyes on us both. But I don’t expect that to mean you avoid my entire hemisphere, nor do I want you to. When the time comes, I want you to meet your friends, and of course I would like to meet you as well.

Jake: I simply would very much prefer that when it happens, Duskwood is home to fewer masked criminals.

MC: Fewer bartenders as well?

Jake: Mmh, it doesn’t seem like you’re much safer from that particular danger where you are, either.

Huh, this was the closest he’d ever come to acknowledging Joe, though he wasn’t a bartender. Still, since I hadn’t gone drinking out of my house since right after this whole thing had started, I couldn’t imagine what else he was referring to.

MC: I imagine that means you got into other messages, then.

Jake: I…

Jake: Yes. I don’t have an excuse for this one, as there was never a chance he was related to Hannah and I knew it.

Jake: It won’t happen again.

MC: I appreciate that, and you telling the truth.

MC: Joe was my reaction, and an immature one, to being pushed away.

Jake: You owe me no excuses, it was my choices that led to the both of us being in that position.

MC: I know, but I want to explain, so there’s no misunderstanding.

MC: He’s a very nice guy, a friend of my roommate’s boyfriend, who I met a while back, before I even knew your name. Annie is pretty desperate for me to be less of a drag, so I think she tried to set me up with him.

MC: You had made it clear nothing could happen, and I tried to make him as aware of the situation as possible without giving anything away about you, so I know I was free to see who I wanted and didn’t do anything wrong.

MC: But it may have sucked for you to read, regardless of whether you should have been or not.

I decided not to point out that I still had no idea whether or not I was free to date someone else, being that we still really hadn’t discussed our status in the slightest since that time. His reaction to Phil, and even somewhat to Joe, made me think that he at least didn’t particularly like the idea, and it seemed like that was hard enough for him to admit as it was.

At the same time, after the number of bad experiences I’d had in the past with it, I wasn’t crazy about committing myself to someone that I didn’t know for sure was committed to me without at least a conversation. But for now, my feelings alone would make dating anyone else a bit of a bad idea, so for now I’d hold off.

Jake: I thank you for the honesty. I certainly didn’t enjoy it, but as you said, you had no reason not to act freely and it was my own fault that I had become aware.

MC: Well, I’d hate knowing you were talking to another girl, so I wanted to clear it up.

MC: I was jealous enough of Hannah as it was 😂🤭

Jake: Yes, that was a bit uncomfortable, as you can likely imagine. It was difficult to think of ways to reassure you without giving too much away.

MC: Guess I’ll have to think of something to call you other than bro now, seems like that’s taken. Dude? My guy? Dan seems to have taken Hackerman up, but I could co-opt it, I do like that one.

MC: Broski is close enough to bro but not quite.

Jake: I have full faith that you will come up with endless alternatives that are plenty physically painful to read.

MC: That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it? 😎

Jake: I’ve missed your ability to make me laugh.

MC: I’ve missed you actually finding me funny.

MC: Oh god, it must be like 3am there, why didn’t you say anything?

Jake: You know that my sleep schedule tends to be rather unusual.

MC: Right, but I’m pretty sure you haven’t been sleeping well while you were running.

MC: And don’t think I haven’t noticed it shifting later and later over the last couple of weeks.

Jake: It only made sense to adjust my schedule a bit considering that’s when you’re most available.

Jake: You spend most of your day working and discussing things with the group, and that leaves us free to debrief in your evenings.

I hadn’t totally been sure that I had anything to do with his changing patterns, but the delay in his response and detailed explanation confirmed it for me. Feeling suddenly much lighter, I giggled quietly to myself.

MC: Well I don’t want to be an excuse for your insomnia tonight, Hackerman. At least swap to your phone and get in bed while you talk.

Jake: I will turn in shortly, I’ve just finished setting a few things up.

MC: Nope, you got me in bossy mode. I’ll be sitting right here waiting until you’re in bed. ⌚️👀

Jake: It’s not even ten for you, I’m not keeping you awake.

MC: First of all, unlike you, I like my sleep. I go to bed as soon as I can justify it and wake up as late as I can get away with. Second, I said you were going to bed, not me.

Jake: If it’s not inconveniencing you, then what’s the harm in my continuing to stay up a bit longer?

MC: Because you need sleep! It’s not good for you.

Jake: I may still be rather worked up from everything and having difficulty relaxing. Our conversation has been helpful in helping me to unwind.

MC: Fine, I’ll go to bed with you then. My boss approved overtime for a while, so I can start waking up earlier, meeting you halfway on matching our crazy schedules.

MC: Tell me when you’re laying down, I’m going to go shower and brush my teeth.

I bit my lip, a little bit nervous. I hadn't explicitly done a long-distance “goodnight” like this in years, especially not with someone I’d never actually been in bed with who I was nagging into sleep. But I really was worried about how exhausted he must be, and once the silly idea had taken hold it felt sweet, if childish.

I didn’t wait for a response, trying to put off the possibility of him saying no, or taking my comment about going to bed the wrong (or right?) way. I set my phone down, hiding the screen from my view, and left it on my stand as I got up to get ready to turn in.

The shower was quick, it never took me long when I wasn’t bothering to wash my hair. Even knowing he wouldn’t see me, I took extra care with the routine to calm my jitters. I still hadn’t checked for his response yet, so for all I knew he’d refused my demand, but after the shower had calmed some of my nerves I somehow no longer thought he would.

After flossing carefully to give him extra time, I threw my hair up into a braid to keep it out of my face and clambered into bed.

Jake: You clearly are feeling bossy.

Jake: It will take me a few moments to get ready, I wasn’t prepared to lay down for a while yet.

Those had been sent not long after I’d given the order, so he was hopefully nearly wrapping up whatever his routine was.

MC: I’ll be patient, I just laid down myself 🤭

I flopped around on the bed, trying to get comfortable. Under the sheet was too warm, but no sheet was too cold. My pillow was too small when flat, but too thick when I folded it. For some inane reason, everything felt just a bit off kilter while I rolled around in bed, stomach buzzing.

When I finally found a position I could deal with, I scrolled for another five minutes or so before he got back to me.

Jake: As you commanded, I’ve gotten ready and laid down.

MC: Good! Comfy?

I was well aware he could be lying to me, but I preferred to think he was doing the same thing I was, maybe even amused by my strange demand. God knows he had to be used to me being weird by now, right?

Jake: Not exactly, motel beds aren’t known for their comfort.

MC: That’s probably true, I haven’t stayed in one in years. As Annie likes to remind me, I’m basically a recluse and I’ve never traveled much anyway.

Jake: Is there somewhere you’d pick to go if you could?

MC: Hmmm, Duskwood? 😘

MC: Otherwise, not really. I never gave it much thought, “travel” mostly meant going to my grandma’s when I was a kid, we couldn’t afford much else. And as an adult, I usually just go back home to see my family. It’s a lot of work and I still can’t afford much else.

MC: You?

Jake: Well, to be honest, travel for pleasure isn’t something I’ve considered much recently. Staying in one place feels much more like a privilege, I suppose.

MC: Well then we’ll both need to think about it and get back to each other with our answers. 😁

Jake: :)

After that, the conversation stayed light and it wasn’t long before my eyelids began to droop and I drifted off with my phone on my chest.

___

Lilly reached out to me rather early the next day, for me at least, but since I’d gotten up early I was a bit more emotionally prepared for what she shared than I would have been normally. It was always polite of the drama to wait for my second cup of coffee before it smacked me in the face, at least.

I noticed the trembling in her hand as she sent a picture of the letter she’d found in Hannah’s post and I wished there was something I could say to reassure her. But with everything else I already knew, the application to visit the prison didn’t look great. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her everything right then, but even without the extra context she seemed to know something was wrong.

Jake wasn’t online yet, and I hoped that it was because he was managing to get some sleep. He’d replied to the last message I sent before falling asleep, and then after a few minutes when he must have realized I’d passed out, he wished me goodnight. So despite the early hour on my end, he’d outlasted me. That kept me from blasting him with frustrated messages when Cleo kept up her accusations against Jessy, accusing her of putting the mark on her door.

I felt for her, knowing she was just trying to make sense of the whole thing, but we needed to stop throwing around baseless claims and yet it seemed like they were just determined to do it more.

We had just as much proof that Richy marked himself as we did that Jessy made hers, really. If she’d been looking to exonerate Phil, there were better ways to do it since we had no evidence the police were even considering the marks as part of the case. As far as I knew, Jessy had never gone to the police with her attacks and Richy had never reported his mark. Dan was the only one to discuss his suspicions with the police, and that was the one I least considered involved, and the only one without a mark.

I had no idea what the beef between Cleo and Jessy was, but I really needed it to stop now.

I checked out of the Duskwood drama for a bit, wanting to get more work done before Lilly made it home. The application to visit seemed much more relevant to the case than whether or not Jessy made the mark herself, and I knew my productivity would be monitored more heavily now that I was taking on extra hours.

I gave short answers as they made plans to go to the cabin of Richy’s friends, then at the last second realized that if they were leaving, that meant that I was running out of time to get someone to investigate the pawn shop. I quickly assigned the task to Cleo and Thomas, hoping that wasn’t a mistake considering they weren’t known for their subtlety or sweet-talk.

There’s no way they’ll break into the pawn shop, right?

___

While I was at lunch, I was caught off guard by Annie walking in and sitting down at the counter across from me. It only occurred to me then that I hadn’t really seen much of her recently, and she almost never joined me at lunch. My suspicions were confirmed when she fidgeted nervously and avoided my gaze.

“MC, I need to tell you something.”

I froze, my fork full of rice hovering halfway between my plate and mouth. I lowered it slowly. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded, but still looked twitchy. She took a deep breath before replying. “I… well, I’m moving in with Steve. This weekend, actually.”

My mouth fell open and I stood up so fast that I bumped my ribs off of the counter in the process. “What? Annie, there’s no way I can find a roommate that fast, I can’t afford the place on my own.”

She nodded, twisting the ends of her hair between her finger tips idly. “I know, I’m so sorry. I’m not leaving you in the lurch. My parents agreed to buy out the lease with you instead of the landlord, that way if you can’t find anyone to move in that you like you’re not stuck just moving someone in without vetting them. I’ll just give him the normal 60 day notice when it comes time to renew. It’s only a month more than what he’d charge me for breaking the lease now and it gives you a bit more flexibility.”

I blinked, still reeling. We didn’t totally get along, and I had been a bit of a spazz lately, but we’d lived together for quite a while now. I’d moved in with her fresh out of a bad relationship where I hadn’t been on the lease, so when he decided he wanted the girl he’d been dating behind my back to move in instead, I had to find somewhere fast. So while we weren’t friends, I had a soft spot for her since she’d kept me from ending up in a bad situation.

“I know I’ve been weird lately, I’m sorry. I’ll go to therapy if it’s about that—“

She put her hand up, cutting me off. “No, MC, it’s nothing about you. I’m, well… pregnant. We’re not getting married right away, but we want to at least live together so that he’s there for all the milestones and support and stuff, you know?”

I puffed my cheeks up with air and released it slowly. Realistically, I knew she wasn’t really at all young to be having a baby, but it still felt like it to me. Maybe it was mainly because I had years on her and felt like I’d be lost if I were in her shoes, but still.

I realized what a dick I was being and plastered on a happy face. “Congrats, Annie! I’m so excited for you!”

She laughed and shook her head. “You don’t have to pretend, MC. Besides, we’re still not to the excited place yet. We want to keep it—them—the baby, but I think I’m still mostly in shock and scared. And it’s weird to imagine another human just kind of hanging out in there.” Her eyes were wide and her hand kind of drifted toward her stomach instinctively. “I know it’s normal, and we found out a couple of weeks ago, but I only just had my first ultrasound today and I think it’s starting to feel real.”

“You’ll do great,” I said reassuringly, almost surprised to find it was genuine. “You’ve had practice lately taking care of my sorry ass, and you and Steve are great together.”

She scoffed, but her smile was grateful. “No matter how bad you got, your head didn’t have an off button and your neck didn’t flop around like a dead fish.”

I conceded that point, realizing I had no idea what it was to take care of a baby and that maybe what she needed right now was to vent, not reassurance. “That’s true, I also cleaned up most of my bodily functions on my own like a big girl.”

With the first laugh that sounded truly real, she wrapped her arms around me in a hug. “Usually. But I had my fair share of vomit sessions myself.”

“I’m guessing you’ve got plenty of that in the future.”

She clutched her stomach dramatically. “And the past, and present. It’s actually worse than a hangover.”

“Good luck to Steve then, you’re a huge bitch when you’re hungover.”

We chatted through the rest of my lunch, and when I went back to it, she wandered up to her room to get started on packing. I waited until she was fully out of sight to let my head fall back onto my shoulders and sigh. I had no idea what I was going to do now.

___

I didn’t know how much of Dan’s sudden need to help stemmed from Jessy being marked, but I think it surprised me more than the letter Lilly scanned and sent. He was starting to go stir crazy, and considering he’d already come up with the idea that his car had been tampered with to feel included, I figured giving him something to work on was in everyone’s best interest. Sometimes it felt like babysitting, I needed everyone to be occupied before they took matters into their own hands.

As I waved Annie off and she promised to come back tomorrow to continue packing, I pondered what he’d told me. It wasn’t much to go on, but I couldn’t help but agree with his last point. What the hell had Hannah gotten herself into?

With the benefit of hindsight, it was obvious that the MWAF hadn’t been a hallucination the way that her doctor had thought, but why hadn’t she shown anyone this video? This at least proved that something was going on.

Considering the length her friends were going to find her, there was no way any of them would have denied her a safe place to stay if she’d come to them. Could it really have just been the depression keeping her from seeking refuge with one of them? Or had she known exactly what her stalker wanted with her, and couldn’t bring herself to confide in anyone?

What could have been so bad as to potentially risk her life just to keep hidden?

The group was going to the hideout the next day, and as much as I couldn’t help but join Dan on the FOMO, I was glad that they were going to be together. Safety in numbers and all that.

Though now that I was going to be living alone, I envied them that comfort as well. Even with the distance, it was unsettling to know that I would have no one here with me if anything happened and no one due back to find me after.

Richy’s Boy Scout list only made me more jealous— it seemed like he, too, was having trouble separating this from a fun friends’ outing. To make myself feel better, I decided to give him some shit about it and fall back into our routine of jokes.

I was surprised when he admitted he hadn’t been sleeping well, even when he presented it in a light-hearted fashion. Maybe he’d taken it seriously when he said he’d take me up on my offer to talk more, and I wanted to make good on it if he was ready.

His burst of positivity seemed unwarranted, but I bit my tongue and kept myself from telling him that. That was made easier by the topic shift to the fact that Dan’s car was, unsurprisingly, not tampered with.

Hopefully that would take that false lead off the table.

I let myself express one of my fears— that my involvement really had just made everything worse, just like Lilly said— when Richy heard the scream coming from the woods. I strained my ears to listen and my eyes on the screen, trying to notice anything that could help, but there was nothing. As far as I could tell, the forest was silent save wildlife and Richy.

When he took off running, the same feeling I’d gotten in my stomach the day of Jessy’s attack overtook me again. This was wrong. What was the chance of it being Hannah, in broad daylight, just on the edge of the forest? This wasn’t how it worked, it had to be a trap.

I yelled at him to stop, to call the cops as backup, anything, but there was no way he heard me as it looked like he took a tumble and the screen went dark for a moment. Until my mind caught up, I was almost able to pretend he’d just fallen from running in the woods, catching his foot on a root or something.

The blood streaming from his mouth and his eyes going empty and unfocused shattered that delusion, and I spent a long time watching the ravens circle the sky before I could bring myself to hang up.

BONUS

#duskwood mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood #duskwood fandom #duskwood episode 10 #duskwood everbyte #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jake #jake x mc

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anarchy-flagz · 8 months

Text

im coming back to the internet!

update post? im coming back to tumblr, insta, yt, etc again. soon i will be back to making up terms and posting the silly little flags.

anyway i need to talk about why a certain hashtag has been removed from many of my posts. and the reason i was gone in the first place. look, im not going to sugarcoat it, i was in an abusive relationship. im not going to go too much into detail but this person was very controlling over me and my system and was abusive to me and all our headmates. to people worried where me and all my friends went, this is what happened. i didnt want to say anything about it online while i was still with them because i was scared of them (and i still am.) i had purposefully not questioned our relationship until one of my headmates brought it up that their not going to change. which in all honesty they didnt. but looking back at the posts i made then, it was obvious something was wrong. firstly i had to break one of my blog rules of not giving credit to creators of terms/flags since terms belong to communities, not people. they always wanted credit for whatever they made, so i gave it because i didnt want to fight about it. also as sone may have noticed, my flags got very desaturated in color. they had this thing for really desaturated colors to the point where some of the flags they made couldnt even have the number of stripes counted because the colors was too hard to see. well he got mad at me for anytime i put even slightly bright colors in my flags. i know some of them are too bright, which is a topic for another time. but they was being somewhat ridiculous with it, making me change the colors on flags even if i already desaturated it. there was also one time they said my flag was ugly and remade it, which made me feel really horrible because i like the flags i make and for someone that i loved to say they hated it made me cry. i dont really care much if people want to remake my flags or hate on them, its just when someone that was close to me did it, it really hurt. also im going to keep this part short because i really dont wanna have to bring up other stuff they did but basically i never felt like they accepted me for who i am. it was not liking me because of i have too many genders and pronouns or because my orientation is uhh weird. like oh yeah make fun of me because my labels are stupid or becausse i put too many pronouns and shit on my personal google doc. also the um.. roleplaying (not going to elaborate on this.) they knew how much i care about making terms and flags but yet they ruined it for me. at one point i gave up on making terms and flags and even archiving flags or even adding things to my gender horad because i completely lost my confidence in all of it. shortly after that i started loosing my will to live. one day after something happened that pissed him off he quit talking to me and didnt break up with me. thats unrelated but it still makes me angry. i didnt want to leave them because i didnt want to admit to myself that i screwed up by getting together with this person. only reason i ending up leaving is because one my headmates did it. after that i realized something. i never loved them. dont go and find this person. just avoid them. if you see them out in the wild, just walk away. just please dont tell them i said anything or that im back online because im trying really hard to avoid them. i dont feel safe being anywhere near this person so i really dont want them slithering back to me. i know their not a very pleasant person to be around and that they do have a history of not only abusing us, but others to.. but please dont ask me for now atleast to make any type of call out post. its not safe me. hell, even posting this probably isnt safe. but im not going to hide this. because im not just going to suck up to them and cover for them forever. anyway have a good day/night everyone and thanks to anyone who read all the way through!

#anarchy-flagz #anarchy-flagz-boo-boo-bunny #tw abuse #tw trauma #tw selfhate #tw self destruction #long post

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