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#now it just feels a bit lonely out here
motherhenna · 2 years
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Tulsi and Simon at the beginning of my novel--both trainwrecks in their own unique ways ~ had a lot of fun with this one. Every time I do a new full-body piece, I feel a little closer to letting my readers see them exactly like I do.
Artists note: Please consider reblogging and tagging (I read every one of them)! This isn't tiktok or insta, so likes--while well-meaning--do nothing to get my work out there, and I really miss reading comments and feedback.
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talentforlying · 2 months
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LET ME ASSIGN YOU AN AESTHETIC WORD.
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CAFUNÉ. cafuné means running your fingers through someone's- perhaps a lover, hair. it's such an intimate, affectionate way of showing love. if you got this result, you're a romantic at heart; very sweet, delicate, precious wandering soul. aren't you scared of your heart being too big for your body? somehow, you remind me of that pretty coral pink that bleeds into a soft indigo when the sun is slowly setting.
what i'd like to tell you is that we can't save everyone, and that's okay. you're doing your best, and it's enough.
tagged by: @danversiism!! <3 tagging: you!!
#there's literally a post at the top of my drafts Right Now talking about how much of a romantic he actually is#under all the sarcasm and bullshit he's a genuine fucking softie. he Craves love. he gives it away freely.#cafuné specifically makes me think of when he first got back together with kit ryan#and one of the first things they did as a couple was stay in bed together for 3 days. didn't leave the flat#just had nothing more important in the world than being with each other and that's how he is in MOST relationships motherfuckers!!!#justice league dark's womanizing dickhead has rotted people's brains!! commitment issues my ass this man WANTS to settle down!!!!#anyway. VERY passionate about this if you can't already tell#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.#( dash games. ) ALRIGHT YOU OVERGROWN LARPERS! HERE!#idk it's always 'wrecked-looking husk of a man' THIS and 'wall-licking little cryptid' THAT and 'where's that gif of matt ryan in leather'#NAH MAN. bring me the guy who spent almost a full fucking day at the shops trying to find kit the perfect christmas present!!#bring me the guy who took a depressed god out to share a coffee bc the god just looked Too Fucking Sad to leave alone!!#bring me the guy who started singing the beatles in the bar & got everyone else to join in just bc someone seemed to need a leg up!!#where is the man who took abby arcane out dancing!! tucked her in!! bought her breakfast in the morning!! all because she seemed lonely!!#that's this motherfucker!!!!!!#and yeah he is ALSO a wrecked-looking husk of a cryptid who ROCKS a bit of leather but that other guy is still in there too!!!!!#idk. IDK. i feel many things about constantine's softness always being cut away by the sharp edges of his tongue and his suffering#40th birthday party constantine lives rent-free in my skull forever and you can never take him away from me
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monkee-mobile · 30 days
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i cannot put into words well all my thoughts about how soft the monkees are I have SO MANY THOUGHTS it’s just so hard to type them out. my drafts are crazy right now.
it all just comes out like “when they’re all at home and it’s bedtime everybody just cuddling and chilling out to the guitar and singing with each other and talking oh my god you know they just like you know when like the blankets and it’s warm and mike is so gentle to davy and they sing and then read stories and peter likes the lights low” like that’s not what i meant to say at all i have whole narratives going i’m just kind of sick and i’m thinking about the monkees being so soft and sweet and davy curled up in a blanket in mikes lap while he plays the guitar complaining about bedtime and petting at mikes beard and mike picking at some chords as he tries to reason with the (NOT sleepy!!) little one—this is turning into davybaby !!
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whomturgled · 6 months
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:^(
#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too#n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but#also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH#n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl#just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh#to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha#anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE#but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like#an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse#its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow#i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee#but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others#like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh#instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some#of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess#idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad#for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow#and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future#whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u#feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr#It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!
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symbologic · 6 months
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y'all, most of my tumblr is a time capsule from 2016 and earlier. A lot's happened since then. Changed continents, changed careers, got psychotherapy and then physical therapy. My corner of fandom was pretty much exclusively on Plurk, and not even consistently
then the OPLA happened, and it got me in a chokehold. I'd been back on my OP bullshit for over a couple years now, so it was kind of inevitable
But now I crave discussions and community and gushing over faves 💔 at the same time, fan communities feel so fragmented in the post-LJ era. it's hard to find like-minded people, but I'm doin' my best!!
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pepprs · 1 year
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ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting
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headofhelios · 10 months
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when i was a kid the idea of like surprise birthday parties was so like. idk i wanted it and it never happened but now its actually like. gonna happen to me but at a really really bad time when i am going to be very stressed and whatever the surprise thing is will probably make it worse so its like. hmm. early birthday gift of being nauseous with anxiety a month in advance
#my brother had good intentions telling me but also like. i have been tearing up all night and when i tried to explain my reservations to him#i just felt stupid so its. mm. this sucks#its also weird bc like. guuuhhgg i had a weird Thing a while ago that was apparently really bad i guess#so it feels like. idk. my mother trying to 'fix' that with this. so i feel like i cant say no to it#(especially bc she doesnt know i kinda know about it)#but its also like. well. when it happens i might really really freak out badly and that would ruin things for everyone. right.#kind of feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place here bc like i WANT to talk to my mother abt this but also again she doesnt know#that i know and i dont want her to be disappointed that my brother said something to me. even though i dont know what the surprise is#just that there is one planned#also in recent years ive realized i get i suppose anxious when people get me gifts i havent Asked for#so surprises like this arent really my thing anymore. i think when i was a kid i mostly wanted one bc in tv shows theres always a lot#of people there for it and i was a lonely child.#anyway i realize this is something of a stupid thing to complain about#in my defense i feel like a lot of things that should be 'about me'#(however self centered that sounds. it makes me wince to say trust me.)#are made to be more about other people namely my immediate family.#so like my gender isnt about me its about how my mother feels about it. and my birthday isnt about me its about other people celebrating it#again ik ik its a stupid complaint. just saying that because of that *points up* which ive been feeling for nearly 10 years now#its all a bit of a tender bruise. emotionally speaking. for me.#personal
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quietwingsinthesky · 10 months
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thinking about Jack s5 time travel au again. eventually he’s going to break down, right? he can tell himself that sam & dean wouldn’t want him to jeopardize the future by changing the past, stand by and let lucifer carry on with his reluctant destruction while telling himself that this is his job, to preserve the life sam & dean & cas will have, no matter how much he’s watching them and everything else get hurt in the present. and maybe for them, jack would misguidedly stick it out and make sure things go as they should because the life that they will have might hurt, but it’s theirs, right? it’s what they wanted, right?
but again. lucifer is also there. lucifer is the crux of the apocalypse, and he’s taken jack under his wing thinking he’s a rebel angel for lucifer’s cause, and he’s so different. lucifer and Jack having quiet conversations surrounded by natural beauty where lucifer is so filled with love for all of it, so furious with humanity for ruining the world, so angry and heartbroken that god wouldn’t listen to him. he’s telling jack this while jack nods and listens and tries not to say anything that will give him away. lucifer’s grooming his wings for him absently, saying how much he missed taking care of one of his siblings while caged, and jack is trembling from the constant affection he’s being shown from his dad who doesn’t know he’s his dad. who has never been like this around him before. who he didn’t know could be like this.
i think that’s what would break jack and push his hand into trying to change the future. what wouldn’t he do, if he has the chance to save his father from himself?
#Jack reaching back thru time to prevent Lucifer character assassination we love to see it#also because you need to know that I think about Jack getting cuddles about 90% of the day.#lucifer & jack wing grooming is soo important to me.#as is the whole point of this au being ‘Lucifer is so starved of being around other angels that having jack around#means that he kind of smothers him in All The Love’#in a nice way. overwhelming way. but nice. Jack is getting so cuddled and held and kissed. and he has no idea how to handle it.#lucifer meanwhile living in willful denial that this kid is Not an angel.#he’s so lonely he’s so desperate to have his family around he’ll take whatever he can get#and I mean he’s not entirely wrong. Jack is his family. just in a different way than he’s imagining.#anyway the important bit of this I need you to imagine is:#Jack & Lucifer sitting together. perhaps stargazing. Jack is being Held and it’s so nice.#but he’s also biting the inside of his lip so hard it hurts. so hard that it bleeds. Lucifer’s talking gently in his ear about supernovas.#Jack is trying not to cry while he stops himself from saying ‘I’m your son. can you love me now? can this version of you love me? can any?’#because. what’s he more afraid of. that Lucifer will abandon him. or that he will say yes and Jack will learn exactly what he lost.#so he won’t say anything. and he’ll try to figure out how to keep this lucifer from falling to pieces like his future condemns him to.#and he’ll stay right here with him until he finishes talking about the stars. and be held. and try not to feel selfish for enjoying it.#spn#lucifer spn#jack kline#u know me I’m v dramatic about them
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mistninja · 2 years
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Being and immigrant really fucked up my social skills. That and the pandemic have really affected my ability to make friends, i feel like i havent been able to connect deeply with anyone in 5 years
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steaksex · 7 months
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Yiu guys are so lucky im too lazy to learn enough anatomy to draw raunchy pictures of my ocs. Im making a new one and half of his existence is for me to give him a voyeurism kink and the other half of his reason for existing is him having a big gushy sloppy wet pussy with a cute twitchy tdick and for him to get so overstimulated he cries over the dumbest things. Actually now that im saying this you guys should be begging mw to improve so i can draw this
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elvencantation · 8 months
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I just don’t know what I want to do with my life
i’ve always been so focused on just getting through the week, the month, until next vacation, until next time i have a free weekend (aka no social engagements or more likely visits to my dad) that once again i end up feeling lonely during but hey at least i did half an hour of house work
i like working retail in little shops but i need full time money now that i’m moving out of my friends house in november so i can’t stay at my current job no matter how much i like it
i wanted to live with my best friend, then i wanted to live alone, now i have a great roommate but do i seriously want to stay in the town i went to college in? is it cause i hate feeling tied down that i’m panicking over committing to living in one place for at least a year or so? a year isn’t even that long
and i know this doesn’t really bother me when i’m not ina depressive mood
i just kinda gloss over it cause if i’ve got good moments, that’s enough right? and i’ll figure it out as it comes- but is that enough?
will i really be okay at some administrative job or something that i don’t hate that will give me enough money to live and do my little hobbies and travel hopefully too?
i’m ready for my weasleys please. i’m ready for my found family of weirdos who like hugs and also taking care of each other. i’m ready for a life change that will tell me something important i’ve been missing about myself as a person. i’m ready to be a book character and i know that’s so unlikely and if you somehow manage it you have to work for it but i want it anyway
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screampied · 30 days
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needy choso w needy reader and they’re both so disgusting for each other… 🤭
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❤︎ ໋𓈒 needy choso with an even needier reader
warnings. fem! reader, unprotected, cowgirl, whiney choso, spit, praise, size kink, mdni.
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the moment you walk through the door, choso immediately greets you with a hug—handsy, he was so hot, feverish. his fingers softly traced down your skin before he murmurs out a sweet needy, “…baby,” and you giggle, returning the sweet embrace. you weren’t gone that long actually, he’d always get like this. but you did miss him, for a moment you think choso’s intaking your scent with his face buried into your neck before he sighs. “i- i’ve been so lonely. i missed you,” and then he huffs, awkwardly cheesing. “oh, i mean….how was work?”
“it was okay,” you say softly, lightly pressing your chin against his chest. with arms locked around his torso, you grin. “you sound out of breath. you okay?”
“no,” he replies honestly, and he doesn’t even hesitate. not once, your eyes glimmer a bit from the reflection of the chandelier just swaying above the two of you before he pouts. “didn’t wanna call you while you were working so i had to um…substitute.”
you hum. “what did you do?”
“i— i was listening to your voice memos you send to me. you know, the ones where we—,” and he pauses. you get what he’s saying and a tiny smile creeps into your face. choso was embarrassed, heavily embarrassed. the tips of his ears burn with a scorching hot before he scowls. “i tried touching myself to your voice. couldn’t get myself to finish ‘n you’re here now so…” and he cutely grumbles out of frustration. “can i just kiss you p-please?”
“go ahead, baby.”
“thank—thank you.”
you were barely through the door when choso places his lips onto yours.
silence broke out, you briefly close your eyes, parting your lips before moaning.
handsy, the perfect word to describe him at that particular moment. his heart raced and you slip out a slight gasp once his roughly gentle hands feel towards your ass. he can’t help but give it a light squeeze. “b-baby,” he whimpers out between kisses.
it was more sloppy than anything. your nerves, it ran all through your veins as you felt tiny shivers poke all over your body. “always got me so p-pent up.”
“let me take care of it then, baby.” you murmur, and he’s the one to moan this time, feeling your slender fingers gingerly slide near the inside of his shirt. underneath, you felt his washboard abs.
tracing your fingers alongside the very sharp edges. choso was nothing more than a perfect structured sculpture—his body, you never got tired of feeling it, feeling him.
your tongue ran against his, making him walk further and further back until eventually he gets pressed up against the door. panting, choso was nearly even more out of breath before he makes you rub against him. directly against his bulge, and you felt it, how significantly hard he was.
“i—i need you so baddd.” he whimpers, and after a while he departs his lips. a tangled string of glossy saliva tugs from his and your mouth before he laps it up, just to gift you with another wet kiss. choso leads you towards the bedroom, and by now his lips were already giving you gentle chaste kisses near your collarbone.
he doesn’t wanna waste time at all, that much was obviously apparent.
quickly, he already had you on the bed. he leans in for another kiss, this time it’s more sensual and passionate. you felt him grind against your body, hands softly parting your legs. it was cute, he was always gentle with you despite how needy he was, choso’s thumb skims near your thigh, the very inner crevices and you moan.
you tasted the faint mint on his tongue as his tongue collides against yours, incredibly sweet and oh so candied…
“t-touch me,” he whines, and you simper once you realize he’s propping you to sit right on his lap. once you’re straddling him he leans back, the cutest sheepish expression before gripping your waist. “i… i like when you touch me.”
“i know you do,” you whisper, tugging down his briefs for him. choso prepares a sharp breath, feeling the tips of your fingers lightly graze against his skin. you were slow, you made sure to be—you liked teasing him a bit after all. “you tried getting off to my voice earlier, choso? you could have just called me on my break, you know.”
he starts to pant out short heavy puffs of air. “i know,” he pouts cutely. “i was too embarrassed. even hearing your voice through an audio got me so h-hard.”
“don’t be embarrassed,” you coo, and he’s rambling so much that he doesn’t even realize you already had his black darkened briefs pulled down. you were aligning yourself, hovering over the tip of his sheeny pre-cum tip that was just as desirous as you. you were pretty soaked yourself not to mention, your arms wrap around his neck before leaning in to kiss underneath his chin. choso moans, and stops you before you could pull your panties off.
“keep…keep them on for me,” he grunts, and despite having such a low husky voice, he never refused to not sound so needy and dependent. you jerk a bit forward, complying before he gives your ass another cute squeeze, sliding your panties towards the side. “like this. just keep them over here, okay?”
you smile, kissing the tip of his nose. “okay baby.”
“hmph. s-stop calling me that,” he utters, and he lets off an angelic whine the moment you start to sink yourself further down.
after all the times you took choso, you always had to adjust to his size. he was a packer, there was no surprise there. so hefty, it took you a while to fully sink down on him, his rough hands guided your waist before he bites his lip and groans. “i didn’t mean it,” he murmurs, not fond of how you suddenly grew quiet. it was so cute. “you can keep calling me baby. i—i like it.”
you snicker, peppering a few kisses near the crook of his neck. “so indecisive,” and you playfully run a finger down the middle part of his chest. just your touch alone was enough to make him cum, you were just that good.
at least to choso—he could never control himself around you. whilst your sopping cunt glides just barely over his length, you’re nearly halfway in and choso’s a complete mess.
he looked so pretty though, up close like this. his hair, naturally darkened locks that was known for it being all tied up into two messy ponytails, now down. he looked really good with his hair down, a few strands run down near the front of his eyebrows, just about covering his droopy dark eyes before he makes eye contact with you.
“did….did you miss me too?” he breathes, hearing the brief sounds of squelching your own cunt made. so talkative—he always adored that part. going inside of you and suddenly the entire room grows quiet from the sounds of just your soft breaths and your pussy making all kinds of noise because of choso’s length.
“i missed you,” you purr as a response, bringing a kiss towards his twitching lips. his hands slither towards your hips, and he starts to rock you swiftly in place. your rhythm, it had his eyes already starting to roll into the depths of his head, all the way back before he whines. “i wish i could have came home sooner, cho.”
choso was far more vocal than you by a mile, it was heavenly to listen to—his pure sweet moans that were simply melodic.
“m-mhm,” he’d slip out, making a cute attempt to smack your ass but he quickly caresses it afterwards. he had quick a bit of thickness on him too, his girth stretches all through you that for a moment it had you speechless. “you always know how to make me feel so g-good.”
“you feel good, baby?” and your words were so enchanting, at least to him.
the sweetness that ran underneath your tone, it had him so hard. you’re grinding yourself against in such a slow yet tantalizing pace that he’s just about to lose it. your hips drove him crazy, you drove him crazy.
choso nods, a soft whimper leaving his lips the moment you find a comfortable rhythm. back and forth, the more you went forward—the more you started to feel yourself gradually quicken.
“fuck,” he pants, and his voice grows a tad bit deeper. his eyes were all dark and droopy, always having that forever drowsy timid expression. always with you. “baby, w-wait,” and your eyebrows raise a bit. you’re still riding him, keeping up a pace and that’s when he grabs your hand. you watch as he brings it towards his neck before pouting a whiney. “choke me.”
“choke you?” you titter, a near giggle sliding past your lips before he stares at you blankly, you then realized he was serious. “…oh,” you slyly say, planting a kiss near the under part of his chin. “you’re so kinky today, baby.”
“only for you.”
“yeah?” you moan yourself, feeling him bury himself balls deep—already bottoming out, you were nearly at your peek yourself. it’s probably been a few lengthy minutes before your thighs start to ache, that familiar rich sting of pleasure prickling through your skin. “mhm. i’ll choke you. only if you say pretty please.”
choso’s head goes back, and he whimpers. “you brat,” and you chortle, knowing you were getting the one up on him—he always let you anyway. at the bottom of each of choso’s sloppy thrusts, you shimmied your hips just briefly, and he swallows thickly. “ugh. f-fine,” and his spit-glossed lips part and curl up as he continues to speak. “please?”
“ooh. so close.” you tease.
“…….”
he glares but it only lasts for about three seconds because he can never be mad at you. you watch as choso’s hands roam further down your waist before he whines, correcting himself, “pretty please. choke me so i can g-get off, princess.”
“good boy.” you tease, and your fingers swiftly wrap around his neck. choso stares at you, and a sweet whimper escapes from him the moment you praise him. you knew just as much as anyone how much he loved being by praised. especially by you. the stimulation, it made him groan—he’s just jerking back against you, the bed creaks and creaks it sounds like an instrument.
“harder.” he pants, and you lean up against him. the moment the head of cock finds and securely located your g-spot though, you’re the one letting off the sweetened moans.
you inch closer towards him, squeezing his throat with just a bit more pressure before kissing him deeply. you put a bit of pressure near his pubic area before arching. milliseconds afterward, he pulls away from your lips before gasping for air. “f-fuck, ‘m gonna cum if you keep doin’ that.”
you’re squeezing down on him, clamping and just taking him in wholeheartedly. everything felt so good, choso’s ears rang, you had him whipped. he could honestly die like this, his eyelids were fluttering and half-lidded. your stare, choking him like this while riding him until he came—he couldn’t have asked for a more better position.
“open your mouth,” you whisper, a thumb fleetly brushing against the middle part of his throat.
he quickly obeys, not even asking a question. always so obediently needy. you watch as he parts his lips for you, opening his mouth. you hum, leaning in before spitting right into his mouth. you’re still choking him softly, and he moans before registering what even happened. he felt so hot all of a sudden, even more hotter than he’s been feeling currently.
“swa—”
choso already swallows, and pulls you into an even more sloppy kiss directly afterwards. it wasn’t as passionate anymore.
just downright dirty, he was buried way down to the hilt with his cock stuffed into your cunt—you were draining his balls and he couldn’t help but moan. his tongue curls against yours and that’s when he grabs your hips to make your tempo quicken. “f-fuck me, fuck me. make me c-cum, i need it,” he’d whine before rephrasing in a cold sweat. “i need you.”
“lean back ‘n watch me then, baby.”
“okay, o-okay.”
he lets you do your thing, the alignment of your bodies together . . so hot.
he was always such a perfect fit for you, his dick was just driving in and out of you, you thwacked against his full base every so often. you’d even go as far as to massage near his balls to make him meek out a sweet candied moan. he’d beg for you to keep going that, he loved whenever you touched him.
a kiss, a touch, anything…
he savored it all. the smacking thump that continued to be created rang throughout your ears and his. bundles of nerves continue to rise up and up, and you gasp once he prods against your g-spot for probably the umpteenth time now.
choso’s breathing hitches, and once he cums it’s so much. his facial expression was the best part though. his eyebrows contort together and his maw just dangles open, desperately begging for a kiss. you kiss him as he’s pouring such thin ropes of cum into you. you slow down a bit, still riding him and he was so drunk off of you. you had him pussy drunk within a span of a few minutes. choso’s dick ferociously pulses inside of you, and it’s so warm and filthy.
while he’s still spurting into you, he’s heavily heaving—you softly lap your tongue near his bottom lip, pressing your body against his. forever snuggled up within his warmth.
“o-oh my goddd,” he’d drag out, feeling how much he spewed into your tight walls. his bulky arms wrap around you and he just holds you before feeling himself go limp. he’s flaccid, yet he didn’t wanna pull out just yet. he just wanted to stay here, like this with you. “you m-milked me baby.”
“do you feel better?” you purr, sneaking a kiss near the corner of his mouth.
choso’s so out of breath, it takes him a good twenty seconds to reply. “y-yesss,” and then he glances at you. you’re still on his lap, keeping his mess stuffed inside of you. your panties were probably all ruined, sticky and smeared with the remnants of his seed. “you didn’t finish, baby.”
“i’m okay.” you reassure him before gasping once he suddenly lifts you up softly, pulling out. you pout from not feeling so full, so plugged in.
choso makes you lie down on the bed, and he’s panting. heave after heave, dark eyebrows of his form together before he bends down, inching closer towards between your legs. “i want my girl to finish too,” and his voice was so soothing.
you moan, watching him lean closer towards your thighs, your legs still felt shaky and that’s when choso lolls out his tongue, slowly dragging his tongue up your thigh towards near the crevices of your cunt. he was so filthy, simply no shame in tasting his own mess just to ensure you get a sweet orgasm.
choso’s eyes flicker back up towards you before he spreads the lips of your cunt with two simple fingers. “you made me feel good s-so just let me,” and he continued to lap his tongue all over your legs. such lewd, he moans. warm breath fans against your skin before he licks near your panties that were all messy too. “let me clean you up now baby. pretty please?”
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sillyblues · 10 months
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𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: you overhear a couple of spider-people talking about you and miguel
ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: inspired by a scene of a drama i saw in tiktok at 11:30 pm whoops here’s a small scenario while i work on that hiding pregnancy with miguel fic
part 2
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You hummed to yourself as you walked towards Miguel’s room. You were so excited to talk to him about how your days went and if you were lucky, maybe you’d get to hear how his day went as well. It wasn’t like he doesn’t talk about himself, of course he does, you two were practically the bestest of friends now. It’s just that nowadays, he seemed more stressed and preferred to listen to you talk. Or at least you hoped so. He never really complained each time you rambled his ears off (which was like 83790134 times a day oops).
But a mention of your name in a hushed conversation stops your tracks.
“... [Name] is pretty close to Miguel, huh?” the conversation was actually a bit far from where you stood but thanks to your extreme superhearing, you were able to hear what they were talking about. You tilted your head. I wonder why they’re talking about me…
“Nah, I don’t think so. Miguel doesn’t even seem to like them.” You grumbled under your breath. That’s just what it looked like to others. They didn’t know that you know Miguel’s favourite empanadas are the ones sold by a Mexican granny on a stand right around the corner outside the building. They didn’t know that Miguel actually remembers what you say to him and even reacts to your stories. If that isn’t what you call friends in their natural behaviour, you don’t know what to call it.
“Yeah, it’s probably because they never stop talking. Their mouth just never know how to close for at least 10 minutes.”
“Miguel is probably annoyed at them. I wonder how he manages to keep his patience from running out with them.”
You bit your lip. Yeah, they were right…You admit that you talk a lot and you do feel a bit bad about it. But your friends haven’t told you to stop talking or that you were bothering them yet so you thought it was fine with them. If your friends said something about it, you would definitely stop and try to talk less for them. You were sure your friends would say something if they were uncomfortable, especially Miguel. You believe in them and you believe in him.
“I know right! If I was him, I would…” so you took a step forward and continued to walk towards your destination. Only this time, you weren’t humming.
.
.
.
“Hi, Miguel! Good afternoon! Such a lovely day, isn’t it?” you quirked up immediately as soon as you stepped foot into his office. As usual, he was on top of his floating station. Most of the time, he worked on planning and storing files with Lyla about which planets had been reported with anomalies. Sometimes, he watched videos of his daughter Gabriella and himself despite having already seen them countless times.
Miguel was lonely. You could see that. Sure, he had Jess and Hobie and Peter, but Jess was pregnant, Hobie was busy fighting against the government and being cool, and Peter had Mayday. You try your best to be with him because maybe he would feel less lonely with you around for him. Maybe he would be distracted by whatever you say from his exhaustion and his pain.
You swung yourself and landed on his platform. He was standing with multiple yellow screens hovered almost around him. His hands were on his waist and there was a glare on his face as he stared at it. He gave you a brief glance before turning his attention back to his work. Well, looks like today is a busy work day for him, huh. 
“Hey booo,” Lyla appeared in front of you and waved. You grinned at her. “Hey, Lyla! What’s up?”
“Ugh nothing much, except for Mr. O’hara on his red flood apparently.” She leaned and covered the side of her lips to whisper but it was no use to the said person with his abilities.
“I heard that.” His exasperated response was instant but he didn’t look away from the screen.
“Really? You did?” She asked with a higher and tightened voice with amusement. She then flashed a quick message to you. 
Miguel has been working even after you left three days ago. He wouldn’t take a rest no matter how many times I told him.
What? You looked at the back of his head in alarm. Worry immediately settled in your head and you furrowed your brows. Before you could convince him to stop, Lyla quickly made the message disappear and announced, “Oops, my power is running low. Gotta charge them now, byeeee.”
“I literally just checked your levels yesterday. Come back here—” he was cut off by her disappearing form.
He groaned and in his frustration, he swapped away the nearby items on the table. Most of them were papers but unfortunately, he didn’t notice he also swept away the teddy bear that you gifted him. It was similar to one Gabriella had and you knew this from the videos you watched with him. You thought how nice it would be to have at least a physical reminder of your love and not just ones you can see and hear. 
“I’ll get it, don’t worry!”
From his strength, the bear was flung high and without even thinking you walked backwards as you focused on its direction. You were being stupid because you forgot that you were on top of a floating platform and the floor wasn’t endless. The bear was almost near within your reach and with just one more step, you would be able to get it.
That one more step didn’t step on any solid floor but instead on air and so, you fell but not without the teddy bear in your hands. 
“[Name]!” Miguel shouted and you looked at him and finally, he was looking at you now. He ran at your falling figure with arms reaching out to you and for a second, you thought there was a tinge of panic and desperation laced in his hoarse voice and wide eyes. 
Sticky web was shot at your chest and you were quickly pulled towards him. You were hit against his figure and he caught you in his arms. You stilled and flushed, your ear was pressed against his chest and you could hear his roaring heart that beat so fast. He immediately shook you by your shoulders and yelled at you. “What were you thinking? Why weren’t you looking?”
“I mean, I was trying to catch it—” you flinched.
“Are you stupid? ¿y si te lastimas?” his nails were digging into your skin and his grip was beginning to hurt. You tried to laugh but came it off weakly.
“I just don’t want to see my gift get dirty. Besides, I’m fine—,” you tried to joke, hoping it would ease the tension and calm him down.
“Just shut up! Shut up!” he pushed you away with a growl, “Stop being so fucking reckless. I could have done it by myself. Stop annoying other people by doing stupid shit like this!”
He was breathing heavily, anger so deep in his eyes. Your eyes were wide and tears threatened to fall as you listened until it finally fell once he said his final word. Maybe the realization had finally settled in Miguel’s mind at what he had just said. His eyes widened in panic and reached out to you but you took a step back.
Your head hung low as you let his words sink in. Annoying? You couldn't even laugh bitterly like you usually do in situations like this. They were right. You were annoying him. You bit your lip. Had you been a bother to him all this time? How come Miguel never said anything?
Suddenly, his cold indifference to you was so clear and obvious now. Memories of him visibly annoyed with a frown flashed through your head. The sudden awareness made your head hurt and it burned your heart. It throbbed with a pang and you felt incapable of breathing, the pain overwhelming.
No, Miguel wasn't responsible for telling you this. You should've known better, you called yourself his “bestest friend”. You shouldn't have talked to him. You shouldn't have approached him in the first place.
You were annoying. You were a nuisance. You were a problem.
Stupid. Stupidstupidstupidstupid—
“[Name], I,” he sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn't mean—”
“No, it's fine,” you wiped your tears and pressed the teddy bear you gifted him and wanted to catch for him. You wonder if this bear was also a bother for him. Maybe it was. Everything related to you is irritating. You were tiresome. “I should be the one to say that. I’m sorry.”
“I need to go now. I’m really sorry, again.” With a brief glance at him, you immediately turned around and swung down. You almost ran as you made your exit from his office. You did the know where exactly to go, only anywhere without him and far away from him. Strength had left you once you were outside his office and you walked and walked and walked. 
Maybe if you left, nobody would find you annoying anymore.
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gremlingottoosilly · 4 months
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Beekeeping age [Dilf!Konig x fem!Reader]
You're ex-boyfriend is an asshole, so you decided to fuck his hot military dad instead. You're going to find out why his first wife ran as fast as she did, very soon - but Konig is still the best dick that ever happened to you.
CW: Daddy kink(obvi), power imbalance, possessive Konig, perverted Konig, age gap(Reader in her early twenties, Konig in his early forties), mentions of cheating(your ex is a douchebag anyway), slightly obsessive Konig, size kink, unprotected sex.
FIRST PART (can be read separately) AO3
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— Why your wife left you, again? 
You stuff your face full of…something. He cooked it – gods did he cook it well. It’s meat and vegetables and spices, and it feels like your dad cooking but twice as good. It feels like pure sin because he says you shouldn’t worry about calorie counts or how fat the meat is, or how good everything tastes fried because he needs his special girl to feel good and healthy and fatten up a little bit, and you…gods, you’re down. Bad. 
You wonder if König’s wife left because she couldn’t compete with his cooking. You wonder if his wife left because he was feeding her too good. 
— Why don’t we leave uneasy questions for later, Schatzi? 
He brushes his hand over your hair, taking in the way you look – dressed up in his shirt, skin covered in bites and bruises from his hold. He can’t see it right now but can almost testify to the way your lipstick was all over his collar – good thing he wasn't wearing his uniform shirt, wouldn’t want to make dorks from Kobra jealous. 
He brings you another plate, he fills your glass – you never knew beer could taste this good, but he whispered something about having his own little homemade brewery for wine and beer somewhere in the mountains, in his Summer house. This man has a hug apartment in Vienna and a Summer house – you think you heard him having enough land to go hunting and to keep bees, and you might have cum a little bit just here and there. 
— I would like to know the story, actually. To not repeat her mistakes, you know. 
— You won’t, Liebling. I can already picture you with a ring on your pretty finger. 
— Not so fast. Maybe I don’t believe in marriage. 
— You’re too young to stop believing in it. 
— Way to talk when you’re the divorced one, sir. 
— Shut it, Schatzen. I can still take care of a good girl like you, ja? König leans in to kiss you, his lips brushing over your mouth – it’s wet and swollen, he bite you quite a few times already, and you feel dizzy just from the way his tongue lingers just a second before going in, taking your arousal even more. His hand gently brushes some hair from your face and you giggle from the sensation of his rough fingers on the softness of your skin. It never failed to mesmerize you, just how seasoned and old the colonel might be – and his hands would still tremble as if he is handling the finest porcelain doll in his hands. He has the expression of an anxious, devoted follower – you are not sure how his wife could left him. If he was looking at you like this every day, even as you go through with pregnancy and a piece of shit kid like Paul, you would die before leaving him. 
— Could you two please stop fucking each other? 
— I thought you wanted to move to dorms.
— This is my house too!
— Not on the documents, it’s not. — You can’t just throw me away, dad! — Your new stepmom needs her space. 
König grasps your shoulder as you try to stop them from arguing again – it’s embarrassing enough that you’re fucking your ex’s dad. Colonel makes it a whole fucking show, parading you around as his controversially young girlfriend, making sure that his son will hear your moans and whimpers as you get fucked at every surface of this apartment. You were wondering if you could ask him to move to the Summer house – even with your college and all. You can take a gap year and write a journalist investigation about lonely veterans and their mastery at brewing alcohol. You can take a gap year and try your best in the new trophy wife gig. König’s hand is firm on your shoulder – you know better than to try and argue with him, the silent recognition of authority loud in your head. You sigh, trying your best to just stop yourself from acting too damn weird. It’s their male thing, and you’re just an intruder in a big T-shirt and old leggings. König said it wasn’t his wifey’s – that he burned all of her stuff when she left. Somehow, you find peace in that statement. 
— How could you even…Jesus fucking Christ, this is disgusting. She is my age! — And the most beautiful girl in the world. I can see why you liked her. — She is my girlfriend! — Schatzi came to me in distress and begged me to take her. I think we both knew you weren’t…the best option. You feel more embarrassed with each second of their conversation. You don’t want to listen, you don’t want to take in their words, you feel like a trophy being discarded between two different winners. You feel like a prized mare on a farm – and they won’t even look at you. Too distracted by the sound of their voices, you eat your dinner in somewhat somber peace because you need to eat, after all, and you really like what König cooks. You like what König does most of the time. All of the time. 
Paul storms off the room after a few minutes of bickering. You feel guilty for not stopping him because he was still kinda your boyfriend. You ex-boyfriend. Your asshole incel-ish ex-boyfriend whose assholless literally made you go and sleep with his dilfy dad, and…god, you feel like a whore. Good. Paul was calling you a whore a lot of the time, you may as well take the new name and plaster it in your new badge. 
König’s hand lingers on your back, caressing it gently. You whimper because you feel bad and you’re still in college, and Paul’s disgusted reaction reminds you that fucking a guy in his forties isn’t the best business decision. Even if the said guy is a retired colonel with shitload of money, even if he still goes to work sometimes, just because he wants to feel cool and shoot guns at bad guys, even if this guy buys you cool gifts and he promised to renovate your car or buy you a new one, and he makes plans and takes you to places that don’t make you feel like begging for attention. 
If anything, you feel like he is drowning you with attention. 
His hand lets go of your shoulder – he was holding you so tight the whole conversation, you can sense the bruises forming on your skin. You lick your lips, and he moves to kiss you again. You feel like drowning, you feel like this is all just a dream – and you’re also drunk because gods, König knows how to make a good glass of…something. 
— You shouldn’t act like this. He is your son. 
He laughs dismissingly. He dismisses a lot of things you said – you think it’s the age difference. You think he is just being traditional, and you don’t want to be too nagging. You don’t want to end up like his wife and wake up from the dear you’ve been seeing. 
König’s lips are soft, and you can look past his hands, taking you too possessively – you can close your eyes, and you can just listen to his accent, smiling as his tongue worms its way into your mouth. He is good, you think – at this whole kissing thing. At this whole “Hi there, I’m a retired old dog and I am fucking the girlfriend of my only son. I’m divorced btw” .
He has experience – you know it when he tucks your lip between his teeth, when he massages your shoulders as you spread your legs already, so wet for him, it’s almost embarrassing. You never slept much with Paul – his poor excuse of a son – it was always never enough lube, it was always never enough attention, he always needed you to shave or to leave your hair to grow a little bit, it was either your perfume being too sweet or you no wearing anything at all. You thought he would have much more fun masturbating to his anime chicks and poor gaming sessions with his friends. 
But König isn’t like this – every time he drops on his knees to eat you out like a man starving, you feel utter and complete devotion. In his tongue, in his mouth, in his teeth as he sucks little marks into your thighs, making sure you will remember it tomorrow when he will ask you to stay for breakfast and then ride you to whatever you need to come next. Last time he promised to drive you to the library, he took a few turns and took you to some restaurant instead. You gushed about not having proper attire, he was still in his half-uniform and rocking dark cargo pants, and he was apologizing every time his fingers hit that special spot in your cunt as he fingered you during the second course of meals. He said that he was so, sorry about not fucking you properly, about having to resort to public displays like this – and you were too high on loving him to care. You still are. — I don’t think we should be…
— He left. Won’t bother us anymore. 
— I’m not in the mood right now. 
— You’re always in the mood, Schatzen. Enough to drive me crazy. — You’re a pervert. Like Paul. 
— He takes on after his father, ja?
It would alarm you how much contempt he had for his own child right now. Then, again, you were the one who dumped his son for the powerhouse of a dad. Maybe it was your daddy issues, maybe it was your dumb reasoning and the summer break that you didn’t want to spend with your family. Good thing you’re spending it with the other. 
König’s face is buried between your legs, his teeth tugging on the soft fabric, forcing your leggings down. God, it feels good – he is so high on wanting you, can’t even wait to take off your clothes properly. You never had a man wanting you so badly before – it’s addicting, it’s crushing, it makes you feel like a goddess among men. Makes you feel wanted, a thing that your ex never did. 
You forget about guilt when he kisses your lower tummy, when his lips trace down to your cunt, taking sharp licks through your panties. You wore them this morning, something from a new lacy set he bought – one of the only ones that weren’t torn off from your body the moment you took them on. He always wanted you to make these little fashion shows for him, making good use of his money – you weren’t a sugar baby, not on paper, you still clutched to the last traces of your dignity, but he did buy you a lot of gifts. 
— S’ pretty for me, Liebling. The prettiest girl in the world.
— I assume after…af..ter your wife. 
You giggle when he frowns, his rugged face filled with concern. He doesn’t like jokes about his marriage – you don’t want to ask him about it because it would mean waking up from a dream you want to experience over and over again, but you heard what Paul was talking about. What his mom told him about. you heard enough to know that kissing a man like König is a safety hazard and a liability that you can’t afford, but it’s warm, and he is rich, and you don’t want to go back to your part-time job this season. You want to be dumb and you want to be young – right now, you’re doing both. — Don’t be so dumb, Schatzi. Although it suits you. 
— I’m not dumb! 
— Nein, you’re not. Just silly. 
— You just call me a different type of dumb. 
— I like it when you’re dumb. Makes you cuter. 
König is awkward and funny, and he buys you things that you could never afford. He is mysterious and kind – to you, not his enemies – and he uses German words randomly in his phrases because he knows the accent, and the pronunciation drives you crazy. You never thought of thinking of yourself as a dilf hunter but, hell, here you are. With his dark ginger stubble – and grey streaks that make you go wild every time you look at him – between your thighs. It’s tickling, and it’s a bit irritating, and he will rub some calming lotion in your skin after this, making sure to cover every inch of your skin with some expensive cream that he knows jackshit about, but you wanted it, and so he went out and bought it. Gosh, you felt dumb even asking him for this. 
He traces his kisses along your thighs, tongue lingers to press against your wet, swollen folds. Flirting in front of Paul made you embarrassingly hot, solidifying you as a shitty, bad, horny person who needs fat cock stuffed in your leaking pussy. You lick your lips, and you tremble when he pushes his tongue inside. He is starving, pushy with all of his needs – makes you almost beg for it, like a pet he took from the street. 
— I want to take you to the Summer house next week. 
You open your eyes, shocked. It’s nothing, really, you shouldn’t be this surprised about him wanting to show off his other properties. You want to check out his wine cellar and how sturdy the furniture is. You want to see if he had deers running around the house. If he had any pictures of his family – and if you could ever hope to compete with his ex-wife. It’s a petty competition, but you don’t have much to do and to think about. It’s obvious the love here won’t last until the end of the break, and you want to get as much from it as possible. Maybe even some hot bikini picks at his pool. He has to have one. — What if I have plans, sir? 
It’s innocent and you play the role well. You think some of your friends wanted to hang out or make a study group for the upcoming semester. You are a good girl at heart, with nice grades and a perfectly played-out future, and not as many working opportunities as you may like, but you could manage with something. Writing a killer essay about your life with a smoke show during Summer would be easy with someone like him. 
He laughs, his hand lightly smacks your butt. You bite your lip and whimper, not accustomed to pain feeling this good. 
— You will change them, little one. For the whole Summer. 
— I wanted to study. 
You moan when he lightly presses his tongue on your swollen clit, kissing and licking it. Slick runs down your legs, and he collects it with his mouth. You whimper again, tears prickling at the edge of your eyes – the sensation is sudden and overwhelming, makes you get your hands in his hair and slightly tug. He groans, pleasure from having you so active, so participating is overwhelming. He loves you, loves you, loves you, adores you. God, you’re beautiful. And so, so restrained – just his special good girl. Only for him. — You can study at our house. 
— You mean you and your ex’s house. 
He smacks you again for the foul language – although you know you didn’t even curse, he is still punishing you. In the lightest way possible, of course, you know you won’t handle anything too harsh – still, you feel nice and warm when he isn’t just eating you out, but also smacks you for speaking in such unpretty words again. 
You don’t even register the way he called the house yours too. All too dumb for this, again. 
— I mean our house, Schatzen. Just you and your daddy, ja? You worry too much about studying. 
— I want a nice job. Without…distractions. 
He slips one finger in your warm, tight hole – even just one digit is enough to make you shiver, clenching it like a sloppy whore. He is big in every way – just two of his fingers are bigger than a normal cock, and no, you didn’t want to compare a son with his father, but even Paul’s cock, as big as it was, was still way thinner than his father’s. 
— Why you need a job? 
— Not everyone are retired military. I need money. 
— You have me. 
— I d…don’t want to be a sugar baby. Sir. 
— I have no problems with being your daddy, Schatzen.
König is build like a powerhouse – when he slips just the tip into you, ignoring all previous preparation because, by god, you both need to feel connected, he is dragging you on top of the table, tossing aside the dirty dishes with remains of his perfectly cooked dinner…and you feel like home. Almost. 
You imagine waking up with his cock every morning, and with the nice cup of coffee only he can make. You imagine him gushing about rebuilding the house and working on his tight and neat desk job at the mercenary company – something about instructing, dumb recruits, only the most elite missions as an operator in retirement, creating strategies and tactics for the warfare – and thinking that, wow, your husband is really cool. You shouldn’t be thinking this because this is just a summer fling. Your relationships with Paul weren’t too serious either, you just didn’t want to be alone. 
König gently caresses your fingers, whispering something about numbers – you think you could recognize the word for a ring a bit later when he was making a call to some friend. In German, of course, you don’t quite understand it, but you worm your warm on his lap like a spoiled cat, purring on his crotch like a good fucking girl. But it was a while later. 
Now, you’re gasping and panting, his cock spreading you open and stuffing you like the poor bird he was cooking for dinner. You know you won’t be able to walk after a short while – would probably have to spend the day at his house, with him cooing and gushing about your sore body while he is quietly proud of himself. If you’re lucky, you could convince him to let you go in the evening. If you’re not, he will ask you to stay the night, and maybe even a bit more, and then he will just get the bag with your stuff from your room in the dorm by himself, and then… — What do you think about getting married in August?
Maybe, you do know why his wife left him. 
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floral-hex · 1 year
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First appointment today with the audiologist and it went.. baaaaad. Not a good start. Basically said my ears look fine inside, made me feel stupid, told me I was rambling, just… blegh. I’m sure My memories about it are more negative than the actual event, but it really felt bad. So my hearing is just fucked. And I made ANOTHER appointment with my hearing aid doc, for May, but I’m not hopeful. Just going to hear more nothing advice. Depressing. So it’s almost 1am now. I’m incredibly depressed still. Still feeling hopeless and anxious and hard to focus. I didn’t want to be awake at night again, but I had to sleep today (benadryls and no sleep the night before will do that to you). I’m gonna do dishes and then probably go out for another drive later. Last nights drive was nice, and while I really don’t have the funds to keep buying myself little treats and wasting gas, I think needing to get through this period right now is more important. I have an appointment for my mental health in the afternoon where I’ll beg for some Xanax or something fast working to help while whatever new antidepressant I get on works its way into me. It’ll be okay. I mean, I want to disappear. I feel like a ghost living on a dead planet, but it’ll be okay. The sun doesn’t stop existing just because you can’t see it at night, so I just have to believe and hold on until it comes out again… or whatever. Something profound like that. Pretend I’m hopeful.
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Anyway, here’s Oreo, who always wants attention. He’s napping next to me now, but was nice enough to raise his head for this pic when I poked him.
#Hey!#how bout all these text posts?#I added a cat pic because I feel bad choking your timeline without something worthwhile interjected#I’M! SO! ALONE!#hey… this is desperate and stupid and cringey… but…#if you live in central arkansas and want to send me a message just saying ‘hey I live here too!’ that’d be cool#I mean I probably wouldn’t really talk but there is something comforting knowing that there are actually people living nearby#I need to stop being awake at night while everyone is asleep#it doesn’t help the loneliness when no one else is out and about#I miss 24hr stores or gyms I could hang out in at late at night and feel like I’m actually in a living world#are you real? are you alive?#anyway the doctor today made me fill like shit#it’s all just basically ‘who fucking knows. get used to it.’#first off: DEPRESSING. second: what if I need to get on disability if I can’t work a job? Third: VERY DEPRESSING!#I’ve been seeing doctors about this for what a couple of years now? and he makes it seem like I’ve barely done anything.#fuckiiiiiing…. dude…. not nice#maybe I can be a truck driver. that’d be cool. just sit in a truck all day. i like driving. that’d be very lonely tho#I need to reiterate that I CAN still hear. on good days my hearing is rad. I’ve just been having really bad days where everything is BAD!#my hearing actually cleared up a bit today and I can hear decently. but this persistent tinnitus is driving me crazy#my mom corrected me today and said ‘you’re not crazy… it’s DRIVING you crazy but you’re not crazy.’#I thought that was funny. but it’s nice to know an actual other person can see how this is affecting me#anyway. it’s 1am. it’s too quiet which is never really quiet for me. I have the tv up. I drank coffee. I need to distract myself now.#okay I love you#you can ignore this#text
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kitkatscabinet · 6 months
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Don't feed him he'll come back (3)
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Simon riley x neighbour reader
summary: The ghost that lives in your apartment block is a solitary man, people tend to stay out of his way, giving him a wide berth. You can't help but think he seems a little bit lonely, cue pestering him with bad jokes and food.
word count: 2.7k
warnings: making out, alcohol consumption.
Part 1 here, Part 2 here.
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You start the next day riding the high of the previous night. You feel ridiculous, you’ve had relationships before, had been in love before, but the butterflies that stir in your gut whenever you so much as think of Simon put anything you’ve ever felt to shame.
It’s a little pathetic, you haven’t even kissed him. Not to mention you’ve no idea how he even feels about you. Simon’s an incredibly difficult man to read, where you wore your heart on your sleeve, Simon kept his cards incredibly close to his chest. You knew he at least held some affection for you, otherwise he’d never tolerate you dragging him from his apartment into yours. Something that feels dangerously like hope swells in your chest when you remember how tenderly he’d tucked you in and you desperately tried to stamp it out.   
Casting your mind back, you attempt to pinpoint exactly where along the path you’d fallen so thoroughly and irrevocably in love with the mysterious neighbour that scared the shit out of so many tenants. Was it when you’d first seen his face? 
No that wasn’t it, although, Simon was one of the most stunning men you’d ever seen. You’d been speechless when he’d revealed his face, something you’d been teased for relentlessly, his cocky smirk appearing in the subject of your dreams. 
It had to have been before that though, because even if Simon was the ugliest man alive, you’d still love him. 
Perhaps it had been when he’d first sat down across from you at the small kitchen counter, large bulk and dark clothing incredibly out of place against the backdrop of your colourful and plushie-filled apartment. It was the first time you’d ever seen him nervous, or rather the first time you could tell he was. But for all that he initially seemed out of place, seeing him in the sanctity of your home made your heart sing with affection. 
(Though a part of you acknowledges that your heart has belonged to Simon Riley from the moment he laughed at one of your stupid jokes, it just took a while for your brain to catch up to what your heart already knew.)
You’d never meant to fall in love with the neighbour who’d reeked of loneliness, loneliness that you’d unfortunately recognised and silently vowed to do your best to alleviate. You’d never intended for your feelings to bloom and grow into a garden that now centred around Simon Riley.  
But they had. They had and no matter what you did you knew they weren’t likely to be stomped out any time soon. 
Knocking on his door that night you try to douse the disappointment that fills you when he doesn’t answer. It wasn’t often that Simon was called away so abruptly that he didn’t even have time to let you know but it still happened occasionally. Sending him a swift text you wish him a safe deployment and sign it off with a new joke you think he’d appreciate. 
The days pass much the same. You wake, think about Simon, send him a text and continue about your day. Although you're used to the radio silence it’s like the acknowledgement of your feelings makes the worry and restlessness ten times worse. 
When the three-month mark hits with no indication that Simon has even seen your texts, your worry starts to turn into an all-encompassing panic. More than once you’d been so distracted that you’d made a mistake at work, earning the concern of your coworkers and friends as you were unusually out of it. 
You want to reassure him but you can’t even reassure yourself. What if he was dead? Would you ever even find out? You weren’t family, there would be no obligation to let you, a random stranger, know. Is this how you were doomed to spend the rest of your life, wondering what had happened to your beloved Simon?
Another two months pass and you’re nothing short of a nervous wreck, your dreams and waking thoughts filled with awful scenarios of Simon being tortured, dying or dead. You can’t sleep, can’t even bring yourself to cook, because it reminds you so painfully of him. 
The perpetual state of simply not knowing starts to become too much to bear and you’re on the brink of doing something truly desperate when you run into your landlord. You’re on good terms but he’d not exactly someone you’d ever gone out of your way to speak to. Now, however, you were practically tripping over yourself to catch his attention, not even bothering with small talk. “Have you heard anything from Simon?”
The man’s confusion is palpable and it takes a few minutes of stilted and baffled conversation before he discerns who you’re asking after. “Ah, the man with the mask,” he gestured towards his face, “he terminated his lease a few weeks ago, odd really, still had half a year left.” The conversation may have continued for a little longer but you didn’t hear, your responses filtering through on autopilot. 
The soft material of your quilt against the bare skin of your arms, signifying your return to the safety of your bed, is what finally snaps you from your dazed stupor. All of the frantic worry, concern, fear morphing into an apoplectic level of sheer fury. Because Simon was apparently fine. Not only was he fucking fine, he was doing the one thing you’d never thought him possible of, ignoring you. 
He was fucking ghosting you. 
They say there are five stages of grief. You’ve completely skipped over denial and are stuck on anger, bargaining and acceptance won’t happen and you refuse to let yourself be depressed. Thus, anger it is, and boy is there months of pent-up rage. 
Work becomes central to your life, the only thing stopping you from completely crashing and burning, Icarus falling from grace, punishment for falling too hard and too fast for what was unattainable. 
You work yourself to the bone just so you can sleep at night without the visage of brown eyes and soft ashy curls infringing on the corners of your consciousness. It’s not sustainable, you know it, your friends know it and your boss knows it. You must look destroyed too because you don’t think your boss has ever encouraged someone to take a break in her entire history working for the company. 
It only takes one day of rest before the anger-fueled agitation thrumming through your veins has you pacing relentlessly, your nails are chewed down to stubs and you think you may actually hurt someone if you don’t do something. It’s a bit of a Hail Mary, you know, but you still let out a scream of irritation when none of your friends are free to get blind on a weekday for an impromptu night out. Still, it’s a minor setback and one that your agitation-fueled self won’t be put off by. 
Your room is a mess, clothes strewn out all over your bed and floor as you try to find the sluttiest thing you own. Bingbong meows discontentedly as you shove him off a pile of your tops and you simply scowl at the little fat fuck that usually brought you so much joy. However, you do give him goodbye kisses when you finally amble out of your front door and call an Uber.
To your dismay, the man driving you is chatty, even when you give short, terse answers that could not be more clearly a screaming invitation to leave you the fuck alone. He throws you hungry looks in the rearview mirror that makes you want to pull your skin off. You may have dressed to get attention but not from this kind of creep. The car barely rolls to a stop before you jump out, booking it double time to get yourself double parked with some drinks. 
You’ve sequestered yourself at the edge of the bar counter, away from the crowd but still close enough to call for drinks on demand. It’s about five drinks in, sculled far too fast for you to keep up properly when you sense a man slide into the seat next to you. Dark hair, blue eyes, devilish grin and when he opens his mouth a delicious Scottish accent flows out. The complete opposite of Simon. 
Perfect. 
“Buy you a drink?” You were never one to turn down free drinks, especially not from handsome men, not even when your heart still screamed for Simon. Firmly pushing down all thoughts of puppy brown eyes you flash your own version of a flirty smirk, turning to face the man so your knees brush his. 
The conversation flows so naturally that for those few moments suspended in time, you really do forget about Simon. It’s clear that both of you are simply searching for some carnal relief and that knowledge helps you to release your last few inhibitions. Just when you contemplate sliding off the stool and leading him away to a dark corner to have your way he slips up and mentions his team. 
“Team?” You croak, a mixture of disbelief and dread building. 
“Aye, me taskforce. Am in the military.” He must see the way the corners of your mouth are now downturned, your left eye twitching slightly as your mind once again flits toward the blond man who had stolen and then shattered your heart. “Bad experience with a military lad?” There’s no hostility in his tone, just genuine intrigue and you allow yourself to relax once more, focusing intently on his baby blues. 
“Two actually” you snort exasperatedly, chest panging a little at the thought of your deceased brother. Swallowing, you regained your nerve, stepping between his spread legs and loosely swung your arms around his neck. “Best not make it a third yeah?” you whispered against his lips, liquid confidence flowing in your veins after far too many cocktails. 
A moan reverberates in your chest, caught by Johnny’s, he’d told you to call him Johnny, tongue as his warm hands pulled you to sit on one of his thighs. The muscled flesh grinding upwards and causing you to yelp, your hands grabbing onto his shoulders to stabilise yourself. Somewhere the logical part of your mind, the part dulled dangerously by spirits, is screaming that you’re still very much in public but the heartbroken and horny part wins out as you continue to make out with the Scottish stranger built like a god. 
His mouth attaches itself to your neck and your eyelids flutter shut as your hands move to tangle in his hair, tugging harshly to ground yourself from the onslaught of sensations Johnny’s providing your pent-up body with. 
Just as one of his palms slips below your shirt you’re suddenly being ripped off the man with a surprising gentleness that you don’t have much time to ponder on before you’re shrieking as you watch Johnny get punched in the jaw. 
The alcohol has thoroughly distorted your vision and the dim lighting doesn’t help but the fire in your veins is doused with icy despair as you quickly recognise the large bulk of the man who’d just laid out poor Johnny. The tattoos covering his arm and that goddamn skull mask were simply unmistakable. 
“Simon!” Your shrill voice is joined by Johnny’s own pained and confused groan as all three of you struggle to assess what’s just happened. 
“Wait, Johnny?” Simon sounded equally as confused, though his chest was still heaving in… anger?
“You know each other?” You cross your arms defensively, drunk brain trying to catch up on the turn of events. You refuse to look at Simon, instead staring at Johnny as he pulls himself up and you wait for an explanation. 
“Teammates” Johnny spits out a little blood and you can’t help the somewhat hysterical laugh that bubbles forth. 
Teammates. 
What were the fucking odds? Of all the attractive men and women frequenting this specific bar you almost shack up with one of Simon’s presumably closest friends. The evil vindictive part of you screams to go through with it anyway, though given Johnny’s sudden wariness and dawning horror as he connects some sort of mental dots you doubt that would be happening. 
Huffing, you turned from the two men and gathered your belongings as quickly as possible, hoping to make a hasty escape in the confusion. Hoping to escape before Simon could see you cry. 
Whatever deities existed seemingly weren’t on board with your plans and your attempt to skirt around Simon is instantly thwarted as he firmly but gently grabs your bicep. 
“Let me go,” you curse the way your voice wavers traitorously even through gritted teeth and you wince when you realise you can’t even bring yourself to say your name. Simon remains silent and if anything his grip even tightens a little, as if he were afraid you would slip through his fingers into nothingness. Incredibly audacious of him considering what he’d put you through these last few months. 
“Simon lad, I’m sorry, I dinnae ken they were-” Simon cuts off Johnny’s apology with a wave and curt nod that’s very clearly dismissive. Johnny, the traitorous bastard that he is, simply smiles, bids you farewell and then leaves you to deal with the brute that broke your heart. 
Stubbornly you refuse to face him, even when his gruff voice begs you multiple times. Evidently, Simon gets tired of your refusal and forces your eyes to focus on his with a forceful, guiding hand on your chin. Equal parts dismay, arousal and anger wage war in your body at the action and you bite the inside of your cheek so hard you taste the metallic rust of blood. 
The silence is damning and though his grip loosens it remains cupping your chin and sliding up to caress your cheek. He’s wearing that stupid skull balaclava and as such you can only see his eyes. Those godforsaken pools of weariness and tenderness that threaten to pull you in until you drown in them. His thumb gently caresses your lip, still swollen from Johnny’s machinations and you force yourself to speak, to display your hurt before he somehow worms his way back into your good graces. 
“What? What could you possibly want from me Simon? Haven’t you done enough?” There’s a vulnerability, a defeatedness in your voice that you hadn't meant to let slip but the man catches it, you know he does. Because though you hate to admit it, at this point, even after months apart, you think Simon might know you better than you know yourself. 
“I’m sorry.” It’s a pathetic notion and when he doesn’t elaborate it causes you to finally wrench away. You barely make it over the threshold of the exit when suddenly Simon is there once more, crowding into your space with the desperation of a man starved. His arms wrap around you like a vice, trapping your back against his chest. 
“Please.” His voice is a hoarse whisper carried away by the wind, just for your ears. “Please, I know I fucked up, please just let me explain.” His body shakes a little against you and you stand there in the cool night air fighting an internal battle. Simon Riley hurt you. 
Hurt you far greater than any man or woman had ever managed. 
And yet. And yet. 
You still loved him so much it burned. 
“Ok.” Your voice is croaky, reedlike and thin as your mouth moves without your brain’s permission. 
“Ok?” Simon’s head darts up from where it had been resting against you, voice watery and full of childlike hope that you find yourself nodding. 
“Ok. But you only get one chance.” Simon all but goes boneless against you, apologies and thanks spilling past his lips like wildfire but you interrupt him before he could go too far. “Not here, my apartment,” you don’t particularly want him in your space, but you can’t do this in public either, “until then just… don’t speak.” Your voice cracks towards the end but neither of you acknowledges it, standing in strained silence as you wait for your ride home. 
Simon’s eyes burn holes in the side of your head but once again you refuse to look at him, staring out the window into the darkness of the cityscape as you try to mentally prepare for what’s about to come.
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