#nothing will ever live up to the original icks

[denaphoenix]

Hazbin Hotel - the first two episodes, but only how it made me feel about the characters without spoiling any plot.

Angel - I’m still in love with Angel. He’s a living, breathing closed door, layers upon layers of not himself while also seemingly having no filter - and the subtlety of letting little tiny glimpses of what’s underneath show is awesome. 

Vaggie - Vaggie is amazing. She’s got so much heart and cynicism, and it’s more well-balanced than I’ve ever seen it in fanfiction. Especially digging her vibes with Angel because she’s not really antagonising him, and I’ve got a feeling that underneath it all, she’s digging him just because he says the things she’s sometimes thinking, and then she doesn’t have to say it, and can instead tease Angel for having said it, because all in all she knows that whatever’s being said will fall on deaf ears anyways. (all of that mostly being conveyed in vibes) Also, who wouldn’t revel in annoying Angel Dust? He’s annoying after all!

Charlie - Still Charlie. I don’t think she’s entirely getting it. Any of the it. Another super layered performance that gives off major toxic positivity mixed in with the non-toxic normal positivity. I feel like she might be getting there, but not before something blows up in her face worse than it’s already blowing up in her face. I just really want to take her aside and slap her - in a good way. She’s just darling.

Alastor - literally screaming. He’s delicious. He’s just - a presence. Personified chaos, and just barely scraping that uncanny every second he’s there. Love how he just ignores everything he’s not interested in addressing, and seems to genuinely be standing above everything. Unphased, and easily agreeing when presented with arguments, while also never seeming like he’s losing in any exchange. Nothing’s personal for him, I feel like, and I dig that. He’s always either “ok fair”, “ok, fair, but” or “sorry to disappoint” - those are the three modes and I just want to be half as classy as him. Or at least half as unhinged.

Husk - he’s… there. The first two episodes gave me just enough of him to kinda get me settled with the new voice, and other than that, all he’s offering are Husk vibes - which are no-nonsense, and uninterested to the max. He’s doing things, sure, but it always has the vibe of him only doing them because walking away would have just been too much effort. Can’t wait for his no-nonsense to actually contribute to things.

Nifty - I am obsessed with Niffty. Loved her before, and now that we’re getting more actual character development, boy am I here for it. She’s got a character, and the character is single-minded, trope-based, obsession. And I’m here for it. 

Sir Pentious - amazing voice acting, and Pent just continues to be so FUN. I’m pretty sure he’s got about one brain cell, and the results of that give me life. 

Adam - ok, I feel like I need to be spoiling this, because he himself said it best. He’s quite literally “the original dick”, and I don’t mean it in the way he seems to see it. There, I said it. He’s making my skin crawl, and while I’m still on the fence with how he’s being voiced, the longer I think about it, the more I think that that was actually a smart move to balance out the ick with some ridiculousness so they can have him make his statements before everyone with a vagina switches off. So yeah, barely bearable, and I don’t know if I want him to be even that bearable, because he could otherwise be powerfully unbearable.

Lute - highly dislikeable girl, and in the best way possible. Heartless and uncaring, and deep in the rationalisation tunnel. I wanna hug her just to get the experience of getting pushed away.

Velvette - will take some serious getting used to, that one. Don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t this. I think what might have put me off was her voice being more… idk… cockney than expected? Or… deep? Or… assertive? Or…sane? Uhm, I don’t know what it is, really, if I’m being honest. Pretty sure I will get around to digging her eventually though. Because the potential is SO there. So yeah, kind of looking forward to getting that to click.

Valentino - currently unlocking a new tier of hating Valentino - the “I do not understand his vibes” tier, which is very much interlinked with the realisation that I do not see whatever the casting team must have seen in Valentino’s voice actor. Whatever they were going for, I don’t think they got there. I don’t even like to hate him… he’s just - taking me out of the story with his line delivery and fucking with my mind in a non-good way.

Vox - Vox is the complete opposite to Val in terms of my feelings - I love, love LOVE Vox. He’s absolutely awesome, and I just want MORE of him. The voice acting’s got so much depth. He’s bringing the sleazy, and the despicable, but also the deeply HUMAN underneath it all - which just makes his scenes with Val all the more jarring. 

Katie Killjoy - yeah, she’s just Bryce Tankthrust in hell. A tad underwhelming, but the meta’s funny, so I’ll certainly be able to deal.

All in all, it was a solid two episodes, and the music was banging, so I'm still aboard the hype train.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #first two episodes #has it already been 7 years?

[stoopid-turtle]

My Turtle Origin Story

Hi. I'm a rando on the internet. I make stuff up for fun and giggles. Nothing I say is real. Everything is fake. I'm fake. I bet you're fake. Fakity fake-fake.

Here's the intro post for this whole thing.

That being said, I got into The Untamed after reading MDZS last year. I'd never watched a c-drama before, though my wife and I have watched some k-dramas and j-dramas before. I was fascinated by a BL adaption in a country where gay relationships are censored.

I'm a nerd at heart, so I wanted to learn more about just...what this was about. How did this get made? Was it just for $$$? Did the people behind it take it seriously or was it a big joke? A cash-grab on a wildly popular web-novel? How was it received? How on earth was it discussed when the main relationship is a gay romance?

So I started watching the behind the scenes footage (bts) and interviews. And reading a bunch. And watching more. And reading more. Basically, I immersed myself into the swamp trying to figure this whole thing out.

My big fear going in was that there'd be a bunch of no-homo stuff in the bts. That nobody took it seriously. That the male actors were icked out by the minimal amount of subtext they did.

So I found it refreshing from the start to see that wasn't the vibe behind the scenes. Honestly, it reminded me a lot like the vibe with Xena. Back in the 1990s, an explicit lesbian couple just wasn't a thing on TV. The network wouldn't allow it.

So the show got as close as they possibly could with what ended up being referred to as "subtext". Xena went way further than The Untamed (Xena and Gabrielle are canon soulmates who have multiple kisses and swear a life commitment to each other). But behind the scenes was a cast and crew who genuinely wanted to show as much of the romance as possible. Who wanted to push the envelope as far as they could go. After a couple seasons, with the actresses' chemistry, they knew it was an epic love story, and they treated it as such.

Were there jokes? Yeah. The actresses had a running joke of flubbing a scene by saying "Now come here for a cuddle". There's a fantastic outtake of Lucy Lawless jokingly going in for a kiss at the end of a scene. But it wasn't a mocking atmosphere. It was sincerely felt and experienced, and it meant a lot to little gay me to see that in Xena. It felt similar to see the same spirit in the Untamed background. Much like Xena (the show) included an episode where she commissions Sappho to write a love poem for Gabrielle, The Untamed snuck in little hints with chickens and historical gay erotica. They took it as far as they feasibly could without the two male leads actually physically interacting much. (I'm putting aside the whole mess where they tried to make WQ a love interest)

There was an immediate difference between Xena and the Untamed behind the scenes, though. The actresses in Xena were close friends. They attended each other's wedding. Had great chemistry. But nobody ever thought they were a real couple, for various reasons. There is 0 chance they are or were ever a couple. Even with all the gay jokes behind the scenes, it's obvious.

As soon as I started looking up TU bts, Youtube started recommending this mysterious bjyx stuff to me.

"Aha!" I thought. "Is this what they call 'fanservice'?"

(I'm sorry. I know I'm not funny)

Okay, so I've been in fandom before with fictional characters. I've always been aware of real-person fiction and had mixed feelings about it. I've also known that some bands do gay fanservice and that BL live-action stuff often comes with fanservice. I'd never really seen it, though.

Still, what I could see in the videos wasn't THAT fanservice-y. A lot of bickering. Singing. Fighting. Lewd jokes. Making faces at each other. Completely nonsensical conversations. Not a lot of, like, handholding or kissing stuff like I'd expect from fanservice.

At the same time, the videos seemed to make wild leaps sometimes in showing that these two - GG and DD - were a thing. Much like the Xena actresses joked with each other about their characters being a couple, GG and DD and others joked about WWX and LWJ being a couple. Sometimes the videos seemed to conflate moments like that--clear jokes--with actual coupleness.

So I kinda dismissed them at first. I mean, it's part of fandom. Some people get into it. Not for me.

But I was still interested in the actors. I wondered how they got the roles. What they thought of them. What they thought about the gay elements.

So, again, reading and whatnot.

It's impossible to read about this stuff without coming across bjyx and turtles. That's where most of the background is discussed in English, honestly. So I read that. Usually kinda putting aside whatever they were trying to imply. Just trying to figure out more about the political situation. The vibe of the actors.

But as I watched and read, these bjyx candies

just

kept

coming.

Some easily dismissed. Some kinda compelling if you squint. Some that required some thought.

I watched a bunch of DD's other stuff (I guess my bias is for him? I adored DD from the start). Took note of his, um, clear lack of interest in women. I mean, yeah, as an idol, I'm sure he didn't want to cause a scandal by acting too familiar. But he seemed even more standoffish than that warranted. It was often commented on by...well, everybody around him.

And then I hit a bts scene that left me gawking. I said I wouldn't link the bts, so I'll just describe this scene. I've only come across it twice in two different bts compilations with slightly different translations, but the gist is the same.

GG and DD are in Cloud Recesses clothes. They're on a brightly lit green screen stage. The camera is shaky and the sound isn't super-great. (I've watched this so many times, I don't even need to look at the video to write down the interaction. I have it memorized)

DD: So flirty. (The translator notes that he's using northern slang here and I think that it came across differently to GG than he intended)

GG: *sarcastic thumbs up as if to say, "Um, rude, but ok"*

DD: You don't like it? *a moment* So beautiful. (the translator notes that this literally means "fairy-like")

GG: *a little swoon. then he stops* No, this word doesn't fit.

DD: Why doesn't it fit?

GG: It just doesn't fit WWX.

DD: I'm not talking about WWX. I'm talking about XZ.

GG: *shy smile with adorable nose crinkle*

DD: So beautiful.

Okay, I was floored. There went my whole, "joking about the role" ambiguity. DD was just straight-up flirting and GG was just straight-up accepting and enjoying it.

That kinda rearranged my brain.

Okay, so they were flirting with each other. But fanservice, right? Maybe the bts were staged?

So I read some more about the context of the releases and the boys' reactions to some of those releases. And I read more about what CP fanservice typically entails (shared endorsements, overt physical interaction, an abrupt ending when promo was done).

None of these matched up with what I was watching.

But still.

Like, seriously?

A huge TV hit based on a BL series, and the main leads are actually dating? That's...that's a story. That's the plot for a book. It's not something that really happens. Come on, now.

Then I came across the other candy that left me gawking. Old cow eats young grass.

I'm not gonna link. If you know, you know.

That's not even fanservice. That's just a couple bickering with each other.

Once I turned that corner, looking at the array of candies...even with the ones I don't take seriously, it just became...well, there's this thing about preponderance of evidence at a certain point. It doesn't mean any one candy is absolutely true. But it definitely indicates a more general truth. BJYXSZD

This is all fiction, though, and I'm a stoopid turtle.

Onward to the next post: Consuming Candies Pt 1: DD and GG are le Gay

#bjyx #yizhan #clowning around #i'm so long-winded #don't listen to me #i yammer on abt Xena of all things

[juneviews]

Hi Axelle! Hope you are well! I wanted to ask you which shows you are currently watching, and what do you think of them?? I'm so out of the loop lately LOL

hi anon! sure, you can always see what I'm currently watching on my mdl page :) here's the shows I'm watching atm, ranked:

I feel you linger in the air: I already knew I'd love this show, and I've been enjoying every moment, but especially since ep 4. gosh, khun yai's drunken poem moment STILL has me clutching my heart while I wail around lmao. the acting is too good, the plot is original & I feel like I'm learning more about thai history, I love the charaters... I LOVE THIS SHOW!

dangerous romance: one of my most anticipated shows of the year, and it's been giving! I'm kinda losing hope on an explanation & apology on kang's bullying, but you know what? that's fine, the chemistry & cuteness of this show is enough for me so far. I CANNOT WAIT for shit to hit the fan tho, I'm here for the drama lol

love in translation: cute & silly little show! will I probably will have forgotten most of it by this time next year? absolutely. am I still eating it up, especially considering I saw the actors live irl at the gotcha pop concert? YUPPP.

don't touch my gang: bruh one thing about me is that I fucking love pluem & sing. but pluem & sing in a silly ass comedy like only thai people know how to make them??? I've loved the first two eps bro! so funny & ridiculous, a perfect palate cleanser and honestly? this show is pretty fucking original, slay!

sweet sensory: finally catching up to this, this is so fucking sweet! finally ploypach in a main role, she's eating!!! it's a really good show to make people more aware of what disabled people have to go through, and the chemistry is really fucking good! even though there won't be a kiss bc ploypach doesn't kiss, I can't wait for these two to get together seeing how much the male lead worships her <3

taikan yoho: it's a show 👍 no but more seriously, I can't formulate my thoughts on this show yet bc it's interesting yet also gives me the ick lol, but yeah it's nothing amazing either way.

minato shouji coin laundry season 2: idk why I'm watching this... well I know, bc asakusa is one of my fave side characters ever lol. but this is a mess, I can't believe they even pulled the amnesia trope, the lack of couple-like intimacy is killing me... don't bother.

xxx

#answers #I feel you linger in the air #dangerous romance #love in translation #don't touch my gang #sweet sensory #taikan yoho #minato shouji coin laundry season 2

[crossdressingdeath]

Ohhh you have me thinking about Durgetash with a mind flayer Durge now (au where Gortash lives or where Durge ceremorphs earlier or etc idk). Any thoughts? I want to say that Gortash would still love them (because I’m not sure anything COULD change that, Gortash being Mr “This Changes Nothing” after all) but I also don’t think their relationship could be normal. Not that they ever had a normal relationship before lol but you know, even LESS normal. Or maybe he would be totally pragmatic about it and even a bit excited about the potential the way Minthara is?

I am... honestly just in general not fond of the mind flayer ending. The idea of my character turning into a squid thing just kinda icks me out, I don't like it. Also it annoys me that the mind flayer ending gives you that fun little thing in the epilogue about struggling to contain your desire to eat your friends' brains and all redemption Durge gets is Jaheira bothering them about children like an elderly relative, Larian had the weird and fucked up origin and gave someone else the weird and fucked up epilogue dialogue options, what's with that. Also illithid transformation involves the tadpole eating your brain so by all rights whoever transforms should be fully dead with anything left of their personality just being an echo of the host's and the fact that no one seems all that bothered by the fact that whoever transforms on a very real level might not be the same person feels like a major cop-out. And it makes no goddamn sense that it's even necessary because we know of a good mind flayer who would for sure be willing to help out, why even introduce this one and only truly good mind flayer in the game with Omeluum and then make a big deal of it being in Baldur's Gate with the Iron Throne rescue sequence if you can't so much as suggest asking it to help with the one situation in this game where what you really need is a good mind flayer? I think if you rescued it from the Iron Throne you should've been able to ask it to help with the brain instead of siding with the Emperor or transforming a party member, but even without actually being able to ask it it feels really dumb that you can't even raise the possibility of asking it. I can understand the half-illithid thing (that one I only refuse to do because the concept is icky to me personally) but the full mind flayer ending just feels really forced to me, I don't know.

Anyway. Gortash should be fully against it (because everyone should be fully against it because if you become a mind flayer the tadpole eats your goddamn brain and whether or not you're even the same person or just an echo is in fact a huge question that everyone should be asking), but I guess since Larian apparently forgot about that bit he'd probably accept it. Since if you're fucking a demigod of murder them having tentacles and wanting to specifically eat your brain instead of just kill you now probably wouldn't be a deal-breaker. I don't think he'd like it, though.

#bg3 #asks #anon #it's always weird to me when people get mad about some of the lis breaking up with you if you go full mind flayer #because the reasoning always seems to be 'ugh clearly they're just shallow and don't want me now that i'm not pretty' #it isn't that simple! #i mean babes it is entirely possible that 'you' are now an illithid parasite who only THINKS they're the same person due to stolen memories #also you now need to EAT BRAINS. that's not actually a small and easily-surmountable obstacle #and who knows if your maintaining of your mortal personality will last? most mind flayers don't keep their personality #i'd be a little iffy on this situation too! it's not all just 'waah they broke up with me for being ugly!'

[browngonzo888]

Small rant about fandom

So seeing a lot of “I miss my quiet fandom” from the Spiderman 2099 fans. Like yeah I geddit, got a lot of Gen A kids with their TikTok’s and their annoying Ciara track edits an such with a version of Miguel they don’t recognize. And also arguments about race and skintone.

think that’s bad?

Mortal Kombat fandom…. FULL of racism. Sexism. Homophobia. Transphobia. Deathwishes. Netherrealm Studios retconning the characters to hell because they handed the script to a guy who’s NEVER had any experience with video games (when it comes to ick, P Daniels got nothing on Dominic Cianciolo) Redesigns not able to decide who they wanna pander to. A lot of this crap because they were trying to stay relevant to an old crowd from the 90s as well as cater to a newer crowd, but there was a severe clash because the old crowd knew a simpler arcade game while the newer fans wanted FGC level BS. MK11 was the biggest fandom nightmare. Seriously atsv is MILD, and seems to try to go in the right direction by being rich with additional culturally specific art and design. MK did something like that but then also did some weird crap with it and not everyone was happy and I still haven’t exactly pinpointed just what that was! They literally changed up a skin because it was Confederate-inspired.

A mess! I got into the shittiest arguments. Never wanna go back to that ever again as long as a live, no matter how good or ambivalent my intentions are.

So I kinda left it alone

Anyway. Before atsv I went back to Psychonauts. Played it as a teen, then part 2 came out in my 30s. Of course they did small things that catered to new players. Some of the stuff the newer fans do are not always easy to relate to or understand (like the Miguel tiktok edits), but I really don’t mind it at all. I reached out to them in my own way by liking and reblogging their work and they checked me back in kind and some I chat with on a regular basis. What I’m tryna say here is that there’s always gonna be old fans and new fans. Depending on the way creators handle their audience can heavily effect the way their fandom gets along. NRS dropped the molten hot ball by being a hostile network that occasionally even fought with their own fans. Doublefine Studios is hella-casual and their fandom turned out that way too.

In real time I’m sorta watching where Sony is going with this fandom. They seem to be diverse-conscious yet also trying to ignore Miguel’s origin comic shamefully? Idk i think it fits him anyway, no matter what he looks like. Oof and I’ve seen the whole “why he white” rhetoric in Miguel fanart over at Pinterest and gosh I don’t know if I can spare to care anymore because you couldn’t swing a controller without running into that with MK art, when clearly a LOAD of their characters were default Caucasian-looking in the 90s. It’s a reoccurring design that has plenty of room to make changes with imo, but it’s tiresome to gatekeep.

I think if people are just a bit patient with the newer fans and not start a war, things will be fine and the Spiderman 2099 fandom will go back to being peaceful. I’m a newer fan. I don’t like the weird edits. I purchased the first two issues of the 90s comic to fully understand Miguel’s origin, the very comic with the cover that atsv used in his intro. It’s nice to collect something else other than DC Lobo. I think if you feel creeped out, pressured, or even downright angry at new fans, just ignore them. Ignore me. It’s possible to curate your own experience online. Except Twitter. Fuck that place in the A, I hate it. I’d join a hateocracy against the destruction of Twitter if I could. And if you a new fan, idk just have fun and don’t be mean to the old fans because they the reason 2099 came back around despite his story getting shelved several times.

Anyway, ramble over. I wanted to get a lot of that off my mind.

#psychonauts #spiderman 2099 #NRS #mortal kombat #fandom #in fighting #racism #transphobia #homophobia #sexism

[arrow-ace]

wait omg give us a rundown on all your AUs they all look incredibly intriguing

Omg hello 👀

I'll try to keep these synopses fairly brief since their's so many but I hope they're enough to peak your interest. Also under the cut so I don't bother anyone randomly scrolling:

→ Covenheads Shipkids AU : What it says on the tin. It follows the local boiling Isles equivalent of a beauty pageant kid who grew up and lost her fame - Satine Vernworth - and how she and her friends cause chaos around the castle.

→ Silver Rebel AU : Luz goes full robin hood mode and becomes a parallel/rival to the Golden Guard - complete with black cape, blue accents and silvery grey mask

→ One Gold Survivor AU : The Grimwalker before Hunter survived by pretending to be dead and sneaking out of the pit of failures. He's been hiding in the shadows for years, but is has no choice but to reveal himself when an injury forces him to ask for help, shenanigans ensue

→ Belos' Circus AU : Belos is a clown, literally and figuratively. That's it that's the au. (Not really but still)

→ [generic corruption au name here] AU : What it says on the tin, get ready for inky black sludge, zombie apocalypse tropes and soul-crushing angst

→ Grim Walking Ghosts AU : Hunter discovers that he's being haunted — by an army of ghosts who look exactly like him. Very inspired by BBC's Ghosrs if you've ever seen that

→ The Owl Planet AU : Sci-fi themed AU - Luz stumbles onto a space pod being controlled by a tiny mechanical owl after it stole her favourite novel about a girl who gets abducted by aliens, and the rest is history.

→ A Weeping Heart AU : Huntlow hanahaki AU bc I hate myself </3 based on the fact that weeping willow tree flowers are pretty. Also changed around some of the hanahaki lore bc the original is a bit ick imo

→ One Realm AU : Au inspired by The Incredibles lol, witches are supers and Belos is jealous little shit.

→ Detective Luz is on the case! AU : Based entirely on my love for detective novels and the mlp episode Rarity Investigates. Eda is being framed for crimes against the emperor, and while she's definitely commited a whole lot of other crimes, Luz is determined to prove that she's innocent from this particular one.

→ Obligatory Warrior Cats AU, Obligatory Wings of Fire AU, Hunger Games crack taken seriously AU : I'm just gonna group these three together because they're quite similar. Angst, violent, and cool lore stuff galore

→ Phillip's TimeLoop AU : In an attempt to get back home, Belos gets himself stuck living the same day over and over (the day Luz comes to the Isles) and the Collector is the only other person who's aware this is happening. Will having all the time in the world force Belos to become a better person, or will he double down on his evil ways in the mundanity and insanity?

→ Obligatory Avian AU : Witches have wings and that's about it. Inspired by that one Barbie movie with the fairies and suprisingly realistic depiction of disability until the end.

→ The Lost Grimwalker AU : Hunter ends up the human realm sometime before the series starts and is unable to get back home. He is raised as Luz' brother and wants nothing more than to return to Belos in the Demon Realm, but when he finally returns he sees things from a wild witches perspective and is hunted down by the new Golden Guard who sounds and acts an awful lot like him...

→ Castle Cats AU : Castle Cats is this video game about an army of rebel cats trying to fight away the Evil Pugomancer and their army of dogs. This is just a toh version of that lol. Belos is a dog but devices everyone into thinking he's just a weird looking cat

→ Dos Belos AU : Caleb survives and becomes the 2nd emperor of the boiling Isles, the two brothers playing the same persona and giving the residents of the isles the impression that their leader is a shapeshifting, omniscient teleporter who's scary af.

→ Castle Buddies AU : Hunter and The Collector are friends. That's it that's the au (not really but I'm still working things out)

→ Let's play the Luz and King Game AU : My take on what would've happened if Collector Luz became a thing, King suggests that they play a game he had played with Luz and the Collector takes it a bit more literally then expected.

And that's all of them! I hope that's interesting! :D

Number of AUs focusing on Hunter and/or other golden guards - 6. I think I have a problem... or a blorbo?

#The owl house #Toh #The owl house spoilers #Toh spoilers #Arrow speaks #I am NOT tagging all of them #→ Arrow's AUs #There. That's the tag for all of them now.

[edward-lygma-ballz]

THE BATMAN MOVIE TIER LIST PART 2

2006- Batman Begins: Gosh this movie is so good if I'm not being biased this is objectively the best movie in the dark knight trilogy. One thing I will say is I wish Scarecrow had more scenes in the movie but I absolutely love the one scene where he does spray Falcone but I wish I could've seen more. This was peak Christian Bale looks wise and I realized this last night when I was watching the movie. The Ra's Al Ghul plot twist was actually surprising the first time I watched this movie. Alfred was peak overall just amazing. VICTOR ZSASZ MENTION!?! Side note we need more live action Victor Zsasz. I would have to say this movie is S tier.

2008- The Dark Knight: HEATH LEDGER WAS EMACULATE. I do agree that he's just a film bros wet dream for the joker BUT I still love it. This move produced multiple iconic memes just overall so freaking good. If you want my biased opinion this is they best movie in the dark knight trilogy. I can quote most of the Jokers lines by heart and I once watched this movie 3 times in one day. The two downfalls of this movie are Rachel and Two-face. (Refer to meme in pt1) Harvy himself is fine but Two-Face just ain't it chief yknow. And I know Rachel's thing is that she's not like scared of criminals and not scared to stand up for what's right but something that really gives me the ick is when in the penthouse scene during jokers schpeel she just stands and and says "alright, that's enough." Or something like that. Idk it's just like did you really think that was going to stop this insane man?? This movie is A tier as well.

2012- The Dark Knight Rises: If mid was a movie it would be this one. While I absolutely love Bane in this movie I can't stand Catwoman (which is really weird for me cause I usually love her, and I've tried loving her but I just can't.) It's not like a horrible movie it's just not fantabulous. C tier.

2016- Batman Versus Superman: I saw it when I came out in theaters then never watched it again. It was okay??? Idk not much input, I was more interested in the origins of the other members of the Justice League tbh. C tier.

2016- The Killing Joke: Did not like the first 30 minutes. This was the first time I'd ever seen an animated movie based on a comic and don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't to see batman and Barbara Gordon make out w/ implied sex on a rooftop. The first 30mins aren't in the original comic at all. Last half of the movie sticks to the source material almost entirely and it was executed greatly. A tier.

2018- The Lego Batman Movie: OH GOSH this movie is really good. I can watch it with kids when I babysit and we can both enjoy it. Witty remarks, Robin is absolutely adorable, REFRENCES BATMAN (1989) MULTIPLE TIMES!!! Joker isn't a complete dick to Harley. PEAK JOKER DESIGN!! No bad remarks. S teir.

2021- The Long Halloween Pt1 and Pt2: Loved these movies. Wished they made Sofia Falcone look more like Carmine like they did in the comic but her character was still great. I also wish they would've kept the catwoman suit the same as in the comic. Was very easy to sit through almost 3 hrs of movies. Harvy Dent was portrayed amazingly. Once again nothing bad to say about these movies. A tier.

2022- The Batman: I LOVE LOVE LOVE INCEL RIDDLER AMD BATMAN!! I love paul dano in general but God he was so good even though he only had like 15min of screentime throughout the 3hr movie. Zoë Kravitz fucking killed it as Catwoman. Can't forget #daddyoz literally amazing. "what's black and blue and dead all, over? yyyoOOUUU." Bussin soundtrack, got me back into Nirvana tbh. I love the casting for Carmine, wait no I take that back. I love the casting for the whole movie, it was absolutely spectacular 👌. S tier

Anyway that's all guys, if you want to hear my rankings for other movies just ask and I can put them all into a big post. I can put this into picture format if yall want to see it but I'm too lazy to do it rn.

#batman #batman begins #the dark knight #the dark knight rises #the killing joke #the lego batman movie #lego batman #batman the long halloween #the long halloween #the batman 2022 #the batman #tier list

[leanatulipa]

Okay so I picked up Gossip Girl because I was bored and packing. I figured why not log my opinions (because I’m still kind of bored)

- Serena coming back and expecting everything to be the same is kinda like…idk fair but also not fair? I can’t remember how long she was gone for but Yknow

- Serena’s relationship with her brother (Eric!!) is the best. It’s so sad their mom is hiding him because of his attempt. That’s fucked.

- Blair gives me the cattiest, rudest, most annoying bitchy vibes ever. She is the problem I swear.

- Nate and his buddy (Chuck) that I don’t know the name of are side characters. They look like side characters, they feel like side characters.

- I’m going to forget a lot of names…

- Jen is cute. I like Jen. She feels real. I kinda sorta really want her and Serena to be friends.

- JENNY AND SERENA ARE SO CUTE UGH

- okay if Serena would just tell Blair what happened and opened up I think she’d be a lot more understanding of her situation. Like Eric almost died that’s a really valid thing to disappear over. But Blair doesn’t know that because of Mom and she’s the original problem.

- OMG OMG THEYRE FRIENDS??? STAY FRIENDS PLEASE??? THIS IS GOOD. TRUST IS GOOD.

- sigh. I hate plot sex.

- Why the fuck does it matter what Nate and Serena did if Serena isn’t into him anymore?? Blair drop this whore ass man he’s not helping either of you. Mf is a worse drama whore than everyone involved.

- I’m going to kill Chuck.

- Dan is kind of swag. And I love that Serena doesn’t ignore him I know that’s an intentional trope but still. She’s not a bad person clearly

- I do not feel bad for Nate and I will not feel bad for Nate. He’s a pussy. He folds to his parents and manipulates girls because he’s too much of a coward to stand up for himself. His whole problem that he won’t face is hurting people.

- BLAIR DO NOT DO THAT CATTY BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOURE JEALOUS I SWEAR. Ugh she’s just a stereotype and I hate the stereotype. But I’m going to choke down this show anyways because I’ve got nothing better to do.

- Dad (Rufus) is actually kind of cool. I’m enjoying him handing Mom’s ass to her. It’s funny.

- Damn all the moms in this show suck.

- this stupid song about how hard it is for these privileged ass kids annoys me and it will very quickly become a political rant. Y’all have SO MUCH and here you are whining about “oh the limo is full of too much dramaaa” meanwhile y’all would probably run over a homeless persons tent on the way to the party. This rant is going to be frequent and constant. Like yeah it sucks to have no agency in your lives but it’s not the worst problem in the world and this show makes it so melodramatic. I’m sure society recognizes this (or I at least hope it does) but that’s my biggest ick. Oh and Chuck.

- IM GOING TO KILL CHUCK fucking gross ass whore ass bitch WHY ARE WE NORMALIZING THIS GROSS BASTARD please Serena get her away from him

- Oh thank god Jen is smart and recognizes how creepy this is. Chuck don’t pretend to be the cool guy who actually asks DAMMIT DONT

- this show is going to give me an aneurysm

- OH THANK GOD JEN IS SMART

- YES GIRLS PROTECTING GIRLS AND SUPPORTIVE BROTHERS THANK GOODNESSSSS

- while I think it’s stupid to focus on Serena’s social life I appreciate her immediately going to worry about Jen because of Chuck’s behavior. That shows true kindness

- there is so much SA in this show so guys be safe, buddy system, keep your phones on and tracked, be aware of your drinks, etc etc. it’s concerning

- YEAHHHH DAN GIVE IT TO THAT GROSS ASS BITCH

- Once again loving how Serena cares more about Jen and keeping her safe than her own social life and all that petty stuff. It’s honestly kind of refreshing

- oh god Nate kiss my ASS. You too Blair you petty bitch you are the problem.

That’s the first episode. We’ll see if I can tolerate this show for very long

#gossip girl #rants #politics #xoxo #xoxo gossip girl #this is just a rant #pilot #episode 1

[the-cat-chat]

April 29, 2023

The Green Mile (1999)

The lives of guards on Death Row are affected by one of their charges: a black man accused of child murder and rape, yet who has a mysterious gift.

JayBell: I’ve seen this movie only maybe twice before, but it remains on my list of favorite Stephen King adaptations. It’s a looooong movie, but it’s pretty engaging throughout with only a moment or two that felt slow.

The story is sad, even more sad than the plot of Shawshank. And the ending is bittersweet. While I personally think Shawshank is my favorite, the acting in The Green Mile is superior. Everyone does a great job, especially Tom Hanks and Michael Clarke Duncan. Even the most annoying, sadistic guard (played by Doug Hutchison) has a great performance. He’s so easy to hate, and karma definitely came for his character in the end. And of course all the mice that play Mr. Jingles deserve little tiny Oscars.

It has slight supernatural elements, but not so much that it overtakes the plot. The “magic” is treated more of an aspect of John’s character. It’s not as in-your-face like Carrie or It, and I like how different it is. I also appreciate that we focus on a small group of prisoners and guards, so it feels like you get a real close look at who these people are and what’s going on. That way, the ending is a real emotional punch. All-in-all, it’s not my favorite Stephen King adaptation, but it’s definitely up there.

Rating: 8/10 cats 🐈  

Anzie: Nothing I ever picked up about this movie could’ve prepared me for the reality of this movie or its actual plot. It’s possible my brain mixed it together with Shawshank’s plot or something?? But my general consensus growing up was how is it on two VHS tapes???

That being said- as ick as the actual storyline is bc of the death row element and the electric chairs scenes that are absolutely HORRIFIC, (and that it’s 3 hours long), the movie is very good and original. Oh another big ick- I have no clue how Sam Rockwell was soo disgusting and the epitome of awful. I’ll never think of him the same. So bravo.

But anywayyys back to the good stuff. All the actors did a great job with their parts and with the exception of Percy whooooo I detest, the guards (and actors) show so much empathy towards the men in their care. And all the prisoners had very unique personalities. And for such a depressing topic- it had some funny parts. Not that the ending won’t leave you totally depressed bc it will.

The story was insane and I was just expecting a regular prison movie- not magic or angel powers or whatever- and definitely not expecting the whole UTI plot point. At all. And not to spoil it but I knew John Coffey was innnocent but I was not expecting who was the real killer but I should’ve known. I feel like the ending with Tom Hanks’ character was a little unnecessary/ like there was enough magic and all that and it was just like okaaaay. Like if it wasn’t in there- I wouldn’t have been upset bc the rest of the story felt like enough.

But pretty solid movie - and a biggggg special shout out to Mr. Jingles!!!! The true star of the show.

Rating: 7/10 Mr. Jingles 🐭

#movie #movie review #stephen king #tom hanks #michael clarke duncan

[ihatebnha]

dawg i am BEGGING YOU to consider doing a pt 2 of Icks with todo, deku , & bakugou. It was literally so fuckin funny man 😭😭😭 i fr have re read it so many times i’ve lost track at this point. It never fails to make me smile or laugh. And everything is so specific too & fits each one of them so perfectly that Horikoshi might as well just come out and say everything u wrote is canon. But i love ur blog wishing u the best <333

(icks pt. i here!)

you know..... just for this message specifically i will write you icks ANYTIME you want them. call me up when im 85 years old and dying and i will give icks. call me at my wedding and you're getting ICKS.

thank you so much for enjoying them tho... and for understanding my vision and being so sweet about it adjadsxfaklsd... i love them you a lot too!!!

hopefully, these compare:

-

Bakugo

Thinks it's cute to put his arm around your neck

Says stuff like, “you know that’s bad for you, right?”

Thinks he doesn’t need to brush his hair

Thinks it's funny to ignore you, but gets mad when you ignore him

Toenails are uneven

Ruins your outfits by making you bring a jacket everywhere

If you leave anything around that he's interested in (see: candy), he’s “confiscating” it

Calls self care “unnecessary…" and says shit like, “that’s terrible for battle” if you try to show him your nails or soft skin or something

Yells at the TV…

His mouth gets greasy when he eats... and he will try to wipe it off or clean his teeth with the bottom of his shirt

Watches you play phone or video games and gets mad if you make a wrong move

Walks (stomps) super fast for no reason??????

And has heavy ass footsteps that will wake you up in the morning

Mouth breathes

Likes back scratches but won’t scratch yours back (he’s bad at it, anyway)

And will not let you drop an argument for the life of you… political debate vibes except about stuff like how to clean the shower

His phone is super greasy, too... and he has one of those really old and bulky protective cases that doesn't even work

Grumpily says "what?" when he picks up the phone at work or in front of his friends

Snores

Deku

Sheds like an animal… you run your hands through his hair and at least five strands are getting caught in your fingers every single time

You clean the drain too, and it’s literally all his hair

Always forgets to put the toilet seat back down

Leaves half-full water bottles everywhere

And everybody says this, but… will eat your leftovers. And the last bit of ice cream you were saving for yourself

Stinky because he's always sweating... and literally smells like pure testosterone. You can always tell when he’s been somewhere because the room just always smells like Man

Tbh his shoes probably smell bad, too

“Oh wait, my mom gave me a coupon for this... hold on, let me find it...”

Khakis or dad jeans on his days off

And just look at a picture of this boy and tell me he doesn’t overpluck his eyebrows

Will walk in on you using the bathroom or showering because "he needed something"

And leaves all his shaving stubble in the sink if he's late to work

Thinks his puppy-dog eyes work

If you asked him to choose between you and All Might... he would hesitate

Listens to ASMR made by and for men

"Can't you just use a makeup wipe?"

Except he will (or try to, at least) use your skincare products without asking... and you can always tell when he has

Earwaxy

And yeah... you do have an All Might shrine somewhere in your house

Todoroki

“Can we have sex tonight?”

Thinks you can cook + make meals in the toaster oven

Reminds you to do your skincare routine… or some other basic task you probably already knew about

On chore day, he’s hard to get moving and “tires” easily… you find him on the couch 20 minutes into any task just… looking at his phone

Doesn't take you seriously when you're mad at him, either... and thinks you probably don't mean it or that he can fix it, anyway

“Hey, can I have some?” except he never waits for your answer

Also likes sharing silverware with you… which is really cute right up until he’s shoving a spoon he just put in his mouth right in front of your face

Very adamant about… touching you. If you let go of his hand, he’s literally waiting to grab it back. You scoot away from cuddles and he’s going after you… even if you just want some water or to check your phone or something

If you tell a white lie about something, he’s correcting you...

“Oh, sorry Momo... I’m busy Tuesday!”

“No, you’re not?”

Lowkey gets upset when you talk about hanging out with other boys… even if you just work or have class with them

Doesn't know any slang, either... comes home from hanging out with Deku and Bakugo only to ask you stuff like, "what's a chode?" or "what's sloppy toppy?"

“I liked *insert terrible movie here*”

Asks why you didn't finish eating something

Has thee worst taste in Tik Toks and memes... and sends you videos he thinks you'd like that really just aren't funny

Unironically wants to match outfits with you

And thinks you're getting married one week into the relationship... which is sweet, but also kinda freaky...

#bakugou x reader #deku x reader #todoroki x reader #bakugo #deku #todoroki #nothing will ever live up to the original icks #but i hope this is okay!!! #ily u anon a ton... ur so funny and sweet #ask #anon #caitie post #headcanons #icks tw

[shuttershocky]

If you could make a trigger warning list for Tsukihime, what would be on it? There's a lot of people who are just getting interested in it with the remake (myself included) and I think having a tw list would be a really nice thing for those getting in now. If you can't remember every scene, a general list is good enough!

Oh boy.

Ohhhhhhhh boyyyyyyyyy.

Alright. So. A little bit of explanation: there's a reason why Nasu actually wants to remake this game. Tsukihime is by miles his darkest and most brutal work, and a lot of it is completely unnecessary edginess made by poor and almost literally starving Nasu and Takeuchi. Kara No Kyoukai wasn't exactly making waves, and the two were living on cup noodles and working other jobs to keep themselves afloat. To finish the VN Takeuchi even made Nasu quit his job and worked two in his stead (biking home in-between said jobs to do art) just so Nasu would have time to write. The nastiness of what they felt at the time is everywhere in the script, and it speaks to Nasu's talent that what came out wasn't complete edgelord garbage.

Did you ever read the original Fate/Stay Night? Did you get taken abrupt when Illya and Berserker first attack Shirou, Rin, and Saber, and Illya orders Berserker to behead Saber and rape the corpse so that Saber would rather die than continue to regenerate and fight? Did you think that kinda came out of nowhere and was unnecessary? The Realta Nua rerelease didn't just remove all the bad sex scenes, they removed lines like those entirely.

Tsukihime has waaaaaaaay more of that, and unlike Fate/Stay Night it couldn't easily edit all of them out and get rereleased without changing the story. It needed to be rebuilt from the ground up.

Personally, I've been so excited for the remake because Nasu has expressed regret before on how misogynistic his writing was before. Specifically he was asked in an interview about his focus on female characters in his works and he something like "I've been told before 'Nasu respects womens rights' because of all the powerful girls in my works, but looking back I can clearly see my own prejudices" especially singling out how Shirou treated Saber in the Fate route and how Tohno Shiki needed to get uppercut by Arcueid. I'm far more excited to see how Nasu will approach Tsukihime with that hindsight in mind more than I am about the visual and music upgrades the VN will get. I don't think Nasu wants to (or even should) remove all the problematic content of the original Tsukihime as this IS a work of horror, but a lot of editing would greatly improve the script.

Releasing Tsukihime R on PS4 isn't just a message of a console release, it's a sign that things will be different this time due to Sony's strict rules (that do not apply to its first party games apparently).

With that being said, a general trigger warning list from memory:

1.) There is a LOT of rape and sexual assault. Mentions of the act, internal narration from characters witnessing or attempting to find someone to rape, Shiki can straight up rape two of the girls on two seperate routes if he makes the wrong choice (he will be killed the day after). There's also a line where Shiki tells Ciel that if she doesn't do what he says, he'll rape her. The context there is that he's extremely weak and she can snap him like a twig so he just shouts the most hurtful thing he can think of, but it's still dumb. If I remember correctly, there's a choice that makes Shiki sexually assault Hisui and it DOESNT lead to a dead end, with most guides recommending that choice to get the CGs. I got annoyed and that's when I made my own guide for the route.

2.) Unknown to Shiki, his family's bloodline carries a powerful violent impulse to kill any non-human they see, strong enough to temporarily take over their wills and delight in murder by conflating it with sexual pleasure. The first time Shiki sees Arcueid, he falls into a trance and stalks her back home before brutally cutting her up into 17 pieces and experiences multiple orgasms while doing so. He then comes to his senses and starts vomiting and crying from what he just did and the shame of how much he enjoyed doing it. They're not taking this scene out (It's in the remake PV) but I'm preeeettyyyy sure Shiki's narration won't suddenly talk about how much his dick is loving this.

3.) Incest. Akiha is Shiki's sister. She's also a romantic interest. Technically they're adopted so it's not incest and they haven't seen each other in 8 years so it's not like they grew up together the whole time, but any tine you got to say "technically it's not incest", it's not great. I heavily doubt this is getting removed from the Remake as it's, you know, a whole route. On the other hand, Akiha has a biological brother, and he is creepy about her so that's 100% guaranteed ick right there, but fortunately he never goes far enough that you can tell if he's a sicko or if he's just really possessive of his sister.

4.) Kohaku's backstory. Koha-Ace once joked that this is the true reason the Remake took so long. It forms the backbone of Tsukihime and one of the main threads that ties everything together, but also Kohaku is the middle link between Fujino and Sakura. You can guess what that means.

5.) Heavy gaslighting, heavier drugs. Both Shiki's past and his present in the far side routes involve an almost hilarious relationship to the truth. Everyfuckingbody is lying to Shiki, and his father literally gaslights him with magic by using hypnosis to conveniently erase some traumatic memories that the old man is responsible for and replace them with falsehoods. Shiki nonchalantly talks about his terrible memory when it comes to his childhood throughout the VN, but the actual reason for that is that he got gaslit to hell and back. In the present, Shiki gets drugged out of his mind by someone in his house, and experiences long and detailed hallucinations, all the while being told by his family that nothing is going on. It becomes difficult to tell what's really going on; if he's really walking around town or if he's in bed babbling at the ceiling. It is terrifying and is a part of what gives the Far Side routes great psychological horror, but it still deserves a TW.

6.) Suicide. At least one character kills themselves onscreen.

7.) Torture. In the Ciel route, Roa tortures someone by repeatedly and slowly stabbing blades into them while Shiki is forced to watch. It goes on for a while.

8.) Grooming. This particular bit isn't a part of the Tsukihime VN itself, but more of a fandom joke thanks to Carnival Phantasm. A big part of Shiki's backstory is meeting the mage Aozaki Aoko as an 8 year old and her teaching him about life in the short time they have together. Due to Shiki's nature he almost certainly would have become an evil person, but meeting Aoko instilled a moral compass in him that is the only thing he has to fight his impulses, which is why Shiki loves his sensei so dearly. Melty Blood later made a joke that Aoko is mad she never got a route in Tsukihime, and Carnival Phantasm later had a whole scene stating the real reason Aoko cared for Shiki was that she was grooming him to be her boyfriend as soon as he turned of age. It's super gross and a perversion of what is literally the sole wholesome relationship Shiki has and the only reason there is any good in him at all. I really fucking hate this joke among all others in the Tsukihime fandom.

[dipsheeted]

Today I ate 930 calories. My goal was originally 500 but it’s okay. I went to a concert and I think I burned a good amount of calories that way but I’m not sure. 🤔

I weighed in at 160.7

For breakfast I had two cinnamon rice cakes. And a cup of blueberry kefir. 243

For lunch an omelette with salsa and sourcream. Veggie straws. 382

For dinner I had 2 more rice cakes. 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. 250

For snack I had 2 popsicles. 1 stick of gum. 55

I’m not sure what I’m miscalculating but it always feels like something’s off.

(Just stuff about my day)👇

The concert was fun. There was two bitchy girls behind us. I don’t hardly ever refer to someone as a bitch but these girls were exactly that. It was so stupid cause like it ruined both of our nights cause they kept wanting to fight. Like can we just chill and enjoy the show??? I don’t want to fight u. Leave me alone. Back up if u don’t like me. Tf fighting gonna help?? Ick I hate it. It makes me feel so gross inside. U ever meet someone that just makes ur stomach curdle and ur skin feel greasy. Like the only way to get rid of that icky feeling is to shower? Well that’s how this is and it’s freaking terrible. 🤮🤮

Other than those girls it was a lot of fun. The bands did amazing 🤩 There was a really sweet and fun group of kids in front of us. It’s kinda sad in a way cause I’ll never know them or how their lives turn out and it makes me kinda sad that I won’t be apart of their lives. I hate it when u really like people that u will never see again. Makes me depresso. And I worry for them and their futures. What terrible thing lays ahead of them?? Nothing….They’ll be fine. Hopefully they’ll have good and happy lives. :))

Anyways my day went good overall. I rate it as a 8/10 it’s interesting cause it was a pretty mediocre day in a way but like there was lots that happened and the majority kinda sucked. But it was fun.

#c🦋 #tw ed relapse

[daughterofhel]

.

My icon died last night.

The little black and white cat, Auk (or-ick). A silly name from a badly remembered name from my childhood.

He was pretty much deaf; car got him.

I haven’t seen him since I left Texas, as I moved for a year to VA before finally moving to be with my wife in Vento. One of my guy friends family took him in on their ranch.

It was fitting; I did get Auk from a ranch. He was used to it, loved it even. And this was without the competition of an unhealthy amount of breeding stays like the ones I grabbed him and Ivy up from. I could only take two, my friend the same.

Funny. I had originally gone there to see the birth of a colt only to leave with a cat. Return the next day and get one more, a friend for my tiny runt of a thing.

And who should but all demand it be him to leave with me but Auk? The friendliest of cats that I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around. He also thwarted my attempts at having two girl cats. He was insistent to leave with me and you don’t argue when you’re chosen you know?

I won’t detail the tears following or the rough road and chaos that went on, but many double shifts back to back to back endlessly, a medicated clumsy grandmother with rapidly failing health, and complex roommate situations, I just wasn’t able to provide the needed time and care for my cats.

I cried the entire 45 minute drive to my buddys property when he said he could take them in. I had to pull over twice. They also cried the entire time, being afraid of the car, which made it harder. My buddy, He was the same guy who rescued a big pup clearly abandoned some years back. I had helped train him to not jump on people and other stuff. His folks also owned a longhorn ranch, lots and lots of space.

Those cats deserved better and this was a familiar element, now neutered, vaccinated, and with no stray competition and the dog was so careful. But god. I never wanted to say goodbye to my cats. It didn’t matter though, what I wanted; they needed care and time I wasn’t able to keep providing.

So I dropped them off. As expected, Ivy kept close but never got too close to the family. She simply doesn’t trust; I’ve no idea why such a little thing bonded instantly with me and remained quite the fixed cuddle bug. But she had. I felt worse about it with her than Auk if I’m to be honest.

Auk loved attention. Loved fetch. Belly rubs. This cat was a classic dog and a huge whore for attention. XD He essentially made himself at home and lavished any and all attention, to which my buddies mother instantly fell for this fuzzy dorks charms. He has been well cared for.

I know younger me could’ve and should’ve done better when I got these cats. Mind you, I’ve been gone for over 10 years now, so it has been quite some time. I’m doing what I wish I could have done for my cats then with the two rescues we got last year here.

I was young and working so many hours for nearly no profit after stuff was paid, even living at home and with roommates. I couldn’t afford the extra vet fees I needed or the fanciest of foods or any of that. I loved them, and I felt them being with me instead of the half starving state they were in from constantly competing with so many other cats, was still a better option for them. I still was at least able to do some of the important visits for them.

I cleared their fleas and earmites. I never did get rid of Ivys worms, though I desperately tried. I tried so many ways to get this pill into that cat. Even crushed into wet food. Friends helping to wrap and hold her to make her swallow. All the tricks we found, failed. She just. She wouldn’t take it. And I didn’t have the cash to go every single day and time she needed a dose to a pet clinic. I had checked more than once. It was so much money.

Older, better situated now.. I’ve been able to do right by the cats, Nyx and Tivali, that I have now.

We even saved Nyx’s eye. We have a system to give her her seizure medicine every 12 hours. They’re both fully up to date with their shots and are fixed. Ears totally clean. Monthly newly added anti flea tick collars.

The best food we can reasonably find at the local pet shop; their pelts are beautiful, soft, shiny, and they never smell.

We’ve even found a biodegradable corn based litter we can flush which has been the greatest find.

We get semi regular check ups on our girls and they’re doing just fine now. I’m still proud about saving Nyx’s eye. It was a tedious ordeal. 3-4 times a day we had to clean and medicate a cats eye. We got good at it even if she wasn’t fond of it. Thankfully the vitamins they required were like treats. Even the antibiotics from the colds they had from the shelter.

I miss Auk. And Ivy. And I wish I could’ve not only given them the life I’ve given my current cats now, (I’ve constructed basket beds, hammocks, a whole canopy jungle gym and rope bridge to boot for them with my wife!), but I wish I could have been the one to have them in my life still. I know it was not possible. It wouldn’t have been possible.

But I think of them. A lot. And I knew it was inevitable. Auk would’ve been well over 13 or so years by now. A little old but could’ve lived longer yet for sure. My buddy didn’t mention he has gone deaf. Of course he rarely goes home himself; I don’t blame him. Life’s complicated.

I have mourned these two cats multiple times now. So I’m not thrown into tears upon this news, I’ve cried plenty over the years already. But I’m still sad to hear that fuzzy delight has passed on. I won’t ask, but I hope, and believe, the accident was a quick end for such a friendly guy.

I’ll mourn him eventually in full. I know I will. But considering this is the fourth major bad news I’ve gotten in less than a month and most of it a week, I thought to write about it. If only to keep sane.

May I not receive the same news of my grandmother or my sister who both remain in the hospital.

And god. May my mother stop forcing me to recall and talk about our shared trauma under my father and just keep me up to date on my families health. I don’t want to be crushed under this suffocating vice on my neck that makes me hesitate to call and see my family. I know she needs to vent. And god. I try to let her. I do. I try to be kind; she needs it.

But it isn’t the time and place when I’m trying to figure out if my grandmother is dying or getting better. I shouldn’t have to receive that confirmation, be granted a brief video called hello and check in, with the price of an hour long dredge through a past I personally have gone to two different types of therapy through to try and cope with. Which, only to some degree, have helped.

One of the last longer calls we had she all but said she hoped her theories on my father possible molesting me were true, so, you know, that would be one more trauma we had in common. She went on and on, even trying to provide loose evidence to her theory. Troubling sentences I would say in my rare visits. Etc. She just. Wouldn’t. Stop. And that was after an hour of recalling how terrible her life was with my father and the abuse, the screaming, the terror, the hiding, the injuries, all of it. As if I wasn’t left to live my life with this very man she said her three years with ruined her more than all her past shit combined.

She assured me she was a good mother who tried. And honestly. No. But I do believe she tried. But she was already weak emotionally and mentally and my father wrecked what was left. She left me sometimes for a couple days lock in that house when I was in diapers. You don’t forget that shit. I’m still scared of the dark. I can’t reason with myself on it. But being mad about all of it doesn’t change anything and would hurt a woman already broken. Why would I do that.

Still. It bothers me. So fucking much. But she’s such a fragile person in a fragile emotional state with everything else on top. She’s been heavily depressed for many many years and it’s a bunch of other stuff that spirals and honestly, at this point, she’s toxic even to herself. I’ve tried working on it with her but it matters not if she’s not willing to work on it too. I don’t know my mother besides her many traumas. We’ve been separated and estranged for most of my life. Unless I was physically able to actually be there and provide a use.

But that’s par for the course; no one will have you around if you’re unable to provide something for it. My wife’s the first person who genuinely seems to enjoy having me around just because and wants nothing more. I do stuff of course; but with her I am not afraid a slip up could mean everything it taken away and lost. I can forget the dishes once or had a bad mental health day and stay in bed without it having catastrophic consequences. She’s such a wonderful kind woman; I cannot help stressing over how to repay her.

I try and I’ve expressed my distraught on the topic and though she always seems baffled and confused about my insistence that I should be doing far more, that lass doesn’t agree at all. It’s her parents home so I am not able to freely run the house as I would on our own, as I’m able and have in many places, so I’m often less useful with the restrictions. She’s also use to the flow and swing of things and has things half done before it’s being asked.

Our own place will make life smoother and calmer for both of us; most importantly her. I’ve watched this family, sweet, but absolutely tone deaf to how many and often their demands are tossed to her. All the other kids moved out with partners. Hell, the oldest s child basically lives here. Our own hurdle with raising a kid who we don’t have the final say on any single thing. His grandparents are enablers cuz they don’t want to hear any loud noises, no matter what. And that causes strain when the kid can and does get anything and everything as long as he kicks up a fit. And he sure as hell does. There are days it’s so bad my wife’s in tears. And that pisses me off. The kids a good person, but the fact no one will actually parent and draw definite lines and be firm with No’s can also make him horrible too.

I’ve to deal with the chess match that is my father. I often call him my own personal Devil. He kind of is. But one I’m familiar enough with at this point in my life. I know where and when to cut my losses, where to step around, when I need to swallow my pride or the easily seen through lies, and nod my head. If he was all terrible, I could have cut him from my life. But no one ever really is. And I do know I owe it to the man; he has helped tremendously in my life as much as he’s been a big problem of it. I know his biggest fear is to be alone and forgotten. I wouldn’t do that, not even to the devil.

I need some bland news. Not thrilling. Not depressing. Just some ‘hey that happened’ ‘oh cool.’ Kind of news. Just a small reprieve.

Im. Scared. Of what’s next.

I. Know that things are teetering dangerously into a very very tragic terrible story on my mothers end. I know her husbands already super suicidal. My half brothers severely autistic, non verbal, among a few other things and will require his whole life to have someone be there for him. He’s not stupid, and I hate when people treat him as so, but he is absolutely unable to care for himself. He doesn’t have the right motorskills even, though we’ve gone to many different places to try and help him find ways to do actions in his own way that still get the same result. I admire how he’s such a positive little man, generally not just happy, but delighted. I aspire to look at the world like he does. He reminds me to try. I do love that about him.

He is, however, a Big boy, 15 now, and growing. He’s also very strong now. My mother is getting to an age where his, as well call em happy slaps, are really hurting her. He is generally good about slapping your hands and not your back if you provide them. But when he is upset he is a shover; one bad fall could really cause a lot of chaos for my mother with her health. The husband spends most of his time locked in his room.

My half sister is epileptic. They have done tests for years and can’t figure out all her triggers or the whys. They just sometimes stop for a long time then suddenly happen. She’s 16, turning 17 soon. And I don’t even know if she’s going to be, since my mother won’t let me know. And there are large gaps from my sister being on tech due to concerns of what triggered her seizure this time so she’s often removed from electronic devices for a time.

When I had turned 21, my mother and her husband tried to have me sign a paper to become legal guardian of my half siblings, should something happen to them, so the kids didn’t get separated.

At that time, I was still taking care of my fathers mother along with working at a shit job, and had a house full of temporary roommates who I had offered rooms to as a sort of safe house for them. I have a knack for finding people from broken homes, what can I say? With the house my father and I built, we had space, so I used it. I was able to help the girls get out of toxic places, get on their feet, and move on. Not all of them always. But it did generally work out. One has a boyfriend who was growing worse to her on top of getting more and more into hard drugs while also she dealing with an abusive aunt who got worse once her mother died of cancer. So she was stuck with the terrible boyfriend. I had her stay with me as soon as I heard.

Another was complicated, but generally revolved around the alcoholic mother and the many, shady, men in and out of the house. The dangers of that alone were.. problematic without the friend also being suicidal and not taken seriously. I’ve stayed many times with her to just hang out, clean, cook, or even read a book cuz she just wanted to hear someone talking and such. You know? Until eventually I had her move in with me too.

Another’s mothers died of a cancer and dad an alcoholic; not abusive, he just became childlike and super forgetful. To a hurtful degree in his totally dependent state, whenever he was home. Plus their whole little trailer smelled of piss. And her boyfriend (they’re married with kids and happy now) was in jail. He had a bad past but had cleaned up his act quite well, but. Well that’s complicated. We all know that the police don’t squint at details of any issue if the accused has a problematic past.

I had two different girls with trouble at home who were being used by their family to constantly work, clean, and pay for everything.

I had an ex and her girlfriend with problematic homophobic parents who were terrible and semi violent so I had them stay with us so they could be together somewhere safer.

I did not. At all. Have the assured means to also be a parent of ten children with very different needs nor any medical benefits to help out with.

I also knew, that, with how my mothers husband was, if he had some guarantees for his children’s safety, he would likely end his life if he could. He’s been so close so many times. If signed this paper, he would have the last big most important concern that’s kept him from.. I just. I didn’t want him to do it. I selfishly didn’t want to be responsible for my siblings that would take away any bit of time I had for myself away. If anything happened, I would not abandon and forget my siblings. That’s absurd. But my mother implied heavily she wanted to be sure of that. And thus this paper.

I was struggling to find aid for college so I could go to school (never got to, by the way. Minus two classes in total. Aced them both, but it doesn’t matter. Credits in the wind). I was already dealing with my grandmother. The girls I chose to help. My shit job. My fathers temper and his horrible horrible ‘on again off again’ girlfriend. The chaos that alone committed.

I was busy providing a safe space in my home and making sure it stayed that way for the rare times trouble makers made the mistake of stepping up to my door to try and harass my girls.

I often worked 10 days in a row before a day off. Many of those days often had double shifts which were 16 hours. Sometimes I got an hour nap on the double shifts.

I just couldn’t do it.

And now. I remember something that came to mind back then that comes back to mind now. My moms husband adores my grandma. She’s been better to him than his own mother. She’s dying. He’s not taking it well and his mental health has always been pretty low and in the last couple years, already dangerously rock bottom. I’ll admit, same.

His daughter is now in the hospital. My brother is smart but there are some things we can’t really explain for him to get. He understands something is wrong but not sure what and it upsets him. He doesn’t like change and gets super fussy for it. Which can be taxing and hours and days and weeks of it. Grandmas been in the hospital for a couple more or more now. She coded a few days ago but they got her back.

If grandma dies. If something happens to my sister…

God. I don’t see that man sticking around.

And with my mom isolated. A lot of it her doing with her own family but also a good part of it being dumb petty bs of other folks that have no reason to behave like that (a whole drama I don’t have the energy to keep up with..). I just.

I see it as a domino effect of terrible terrible events I don’t want to write.

My mothers side im not very close to. I don’t blame my cousins, we were kids ajd our meetings were brief as they were. But the adults kept their distance with me. No one expected me to survive and decided it was easier to not get attached. To not get involved with me, and by extension, the devil himself, my father. So I never got the chance to know that family. Even when I tried.

So the only family I do have some ties to ajd know, is in a hospital bed, or on my dads side, and they’re dying to. And I get it… that at a certain age in life, many of the people around you start to. It’s just life. Ajd it sucks. And I miss having a best friend. I miss having friends who just seem to like to have me around. Want to have me around.

And I wonder if the friends I thought I made with my roommates were just because I provided something for them. Sure we laughed a lot, we cried over shared traumas, celebrated holidays together so as to not be alone.

But not a one speaks to me now. And hey. That’s also life. But it makes me feel pretty shitty; every where I look in the past, I can’t see any relationship, family, partner, friendship, that ever had me around unless I was providing services they wanted and needed. And I don’t mean the natural give and take.

I’m aware that I’m not the friend folks have around. I’m a fun distraction at best and have been told and reminded as such. I feel like shit cuz my wife’s wonderful and the best person in my life, and yet I still mourn having close friends to hang with. I miss gaming together the most. Or the bullshitting. Sharing food.

I’m not a nice person. I’m working on it. I am. I’ve also, for years, been working on my own personal problems so as to not bring them into even conversations. I don’t know what I am doing wrong but I just.. can’t seem to keep anyone around. And frankly.

I find myself crying about it a lot with no idea what to do.

And. I’m burnt out.

I don’t want to make friends anymore. And yet I still crave it. Which sucks. I can’t stop seeming to want that. And I keep trying. And trying.

I’m trying to accept and be happy with any bit of time I get from the few friends who talk to me. I try to take my chances where I can to hang out (online, as they’re all distance by now), cuz I know it’s a short window and I’ll be lucky to get a next time in the near future.

Online is harder to provide a use, and once the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the friendship winds down, some drop off the map entirely. A few abruptly. And I just. That’s fucked me ho a ton. I can’t even express how many hours I stay sitting. Thinking. Unable to understand what I am not doing or what I am.

It’s a pity party. I know. But it’s fine. I’m still the only one at it and though I’m quite forward even with nerves eating away at me, I still just don’t know how to keep anyone in my life.

It’s taken almost 6 years for me to relax enough to believe my wife will, in fact, stick around.

But at this point in time, I’ve realized, on a note I just keep getting really sad over, that the bits of friendship I’ll get to experience with people, will be brief, snippets, and frankly, only if I am providing something they’re not getting.

I’m essentially the magazine next to the toilet when you have a bad bad stomach bug and your phones dead.

Man’s that’s.. probably my own doing. I know I’m a lot of woe is me in here. And it’s a post talking to me, so I’m indulging in it. I absolutely can’t out loud or in life. I’m working on just.. trying to feel instead of ignoring it. Per my therapists suggestions. So I feel fucking overwhelmed, sad, and alone. Isolated. Heavily.

Ignorance is bliss for real. I wish I wasn’t so aware that I was the friend you go to when all options are down and you’re bored. When you are in a bind and need a safe spot (I don’t mind that one but it does suck that it’s the only time some folks pop back in or up). That if I’m not working then no one even has a small little want to just say hi. I wish I had people who just wanted to say hi because they just.. missed me? I gues?

I wish I knew how to be better as a person and a friend. I thought I was making strides on that. I really had. And yet.

Here I am. Just.

Bitching to the void. Becuase my wife doesn’t need me to add more to her life with her father (finally back from the hospital after surgery) and his health concerned along with everyone else’s and the own sets of ordeals here. I don’t need her to fret over me.

She’s needed distraction and I’ve left her alone for a couple weeks now to her drawing. Probably one of the best things I did do for her was clean up a space for a literal drawing room for her. She’s happier for it. People compliment her art and she rather enjoys the well deserved attention.

I personally would love to have her around more. But I’m having a lot of bad shit days. Weeks at this point. And I’m using my energy to be useful in setting the table or doing the dishes, the cats, playing with the nephew, etc.

All I want to do is sleep.

Frankly. I’m tired of waking up.

But for her. I will.

#void screaming #ignore

[ditch-witches]

No Catch: Dean Charles-Chapman x Reader

thank you, beautiful Ivanna, for your excellent work and continued support.

request: “I need me a fallen angel Dean au, complete with black wings and shit (insert that Matthew McConaughey smoking meme)”

warnings: slight cursing, mentions of mugging and cosplaying

word count: 3000+

The bell above the bar door rang overhead, breaking your focus on the cash register in front of you. Your eyes flashed up with an internal groan as you watched four more customers stroll in, the final minutes of your shift ticking by with no sign of emptying out the place. Your co-worker, a man in his late twenties with striking auburn hair and a customary beige jacket with a stain on one of the pockets whether he knew it or not, put a fresh toothpick between his teeth as he filled the glasses of a few regulars. The men occupying the stools glared at the TV screen over your co-worker’s shoulder, not paying much mind to him.

The drawer finally clicked open as a rush of relief washed over you. Taking the money from the people before you, you began to feel the hours of the day weighing on your shoulders. The thought of having to get up in a few hours to start your workday yet again made you feel almost sick. But anything for the financial stability you longed for. Who cares if you’re living in a mansion and driving a fast car? What you wanted was to have enough to get by after paying a major bill, or having the luxury to eat out every few days. Treating yourself to a new pair of shoes wouldn’t hurt either.

But here you were, clocking out of your third shift of the day, dead tired and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and waste away for the few hours of sleep you could afford. You were grateful that your co-worker hadn’t batted an eyelash at the growing crowd and shooed you off for the night. The darkening night sky was almost a sea of black against the bright yellows of the street lamps illuminating the busy crosswalks and shop corners of the city block. You pulled your scarf further up around your nose to combat the dropping temperature as you cut down an alleyway. The biting barks of stray dogs fighting over a scrap of meat mixed with the various sirens echoing in the distance as you trudged along, attempting to remember if your uniform for tomorrow (or later) was clean.

You almost lost yourself deep enough in your thoughts to ignore the footsteps behind you. You willed your heart to mellow as you took a deep breath, your exhales curtaining around your face like smoke from a chimney on a winter day. Your fingers brushed against the metal canister of pepper spray hidden in your jacket pocket. You had been mugged before and swore to yourself you wouldn’t let it happen again. You threw a glance over your shoulder, finding an empty alleyway behind you. You shook your head, turning forward and gluing your eyes to the buildings at the other end of the alley. Count your steps! That’s it, keep calm. You scolded yourself.

The footsteps continued, slow and heavy, almost as if the owner were sauntering playfully towards you. Should I look again? No way, what if it’s just some kid. You pressed on, your palms growing sweaty as the footsteps began to gain on you. What if I let them get close and then whip around and startle them? What if they have a knife? A gun? You swallowed a lump in your throat, looking around to see if anyone would be able to hear you being murdered.

As if by instinct, you planted your feet and turned, eyes wild as you searched for the owner. The city seemed too quiet as you did this, the eerie silence only broken by your labored breaths. What happened to the dogs, the drunk women yelling for taxis? Where were the domestic disputes above you? You chewed the inside of your cheek, tugging your jacket tighter around you. Were you going crazy? Was the lack of sleep finally getting to you? You moved to head back in your original direction and smacked into a wall —- no, a hard chest.

Knocking you back a few steps, your eyes locked with a pair of nearly glowing blue ones. His sharp teeth peeked out from behind his lips as a small smirk drew a line on his face. “Boo!” He joked, sending you into action. You reached for your pepper spray and within a second he was doubled over screaming at you as you shoved past the mystery man and sprinted down the alleyway, ignoring his calls for you to wait. You ran as fast as your feet could carry you, your hair rustling into knots with your movements. Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck. Boo! Boo! What kind of a sicko-

“Stop running, you’re not going to get away,” he hummed as you turned a corner and nearly rammed into him again. You shrieked and took off in the opposite direction. How had he gotten there before you? The alleyway was quickly becoming a never-ending labyrinth of twists and turns with him at every stop. Your lungs felt as if they might burst and you decided to weigh your options. Could you take him? Depends. Were you carrying anything that had value? Did it matter? You stopped, your hands falling to your knees as you attempted to catch your breath. Your joints ached and your whole body screamed for rest. “I can do this all night if you wanna keep showing off how fast you run in those tennis shoes,” the man quipped. You straightened up as he came around your side to stand in front of you. The cold sweat running down your back sent an ick of goosebumps spreading across your body. You peered at him, your chest rising and falling in heavy breaths.

His blue eyes caught the glimmer of the street light as he moved, making the color almost icy. His dark hair curled around his ears ever so slightly, nearly masking the silver charm hanging from one of his ears. His dark suit sat squarely on his shoulders, no thanks to his posture. The more appalling part of him that you could shake from your mind was the pair of wings tucked close to his back. The dark glistening sheer of the feathers made them seem almost real, yet your mind searched for what they were truly connected to. Surely this man hadn’t ruined a suit so expensively tailored for a costume. They almost hung from him naturally, which almost made you question if they really were extensions of him. Just your luck: running into a cosplayer on a Thursday night.

He stepped to face you, your sights now picking up on the redness forming around his eyes as he squinted at you. “I can’t believe you pepper-sprayed me. Psycho,” he sneered, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

You scoffed, taking a step back from him. “I’m the psycho? What the fuck was that!” You threw your hand back in the direction which you had come, turning slightly to find the alleyway as it usually was. Where had the dips and turns gone that you had just sprinted through? You really needed a nap.

“Language! What if God hears you?” He nearly bit before snorting to himself like it was a preposterous idea to begin with. He raked a hand through his curls and sighed, looking you over as if he was seeing just what he had been dealt with. “What are we gonna do with you?” He asked, his accent almost husky as he spoke to himself.

You furrowed your brows, tilting your head as you stepped further away from him, making sure to hold your hands up in defense. “Look, buddy, I don’t know what you’re supposed to be but-”

He cut you off with a click of his tongue, his arms falling lazily as his sides as a defeated look settled into his posture. “Are you serious? You don’t know who I am?”

You shook your head slightly. “Uh… The dude from Legion?”

He smiled, his head tilting to match your angle in a soft and almost mocking manner. “No, silly! I’m your guardian angel. Always have been. I thought that was obvious.” He murmured the last part to himself as he searched your questioningly distrustful eyes. He took a few steps to close most of the gap between you and you stretched away from him.

“What do you mean guardian angel?” You bit, throwing your hands on your hips. The man wouldn’t let up his character. You squared up to him, despite his obvious height above yours. He seemed to play along as you did.

“I’m the one that looks out for you,” he grinned as if he were a proud child after finally accomplishing an art project for his mom. You returned his devious expression with a blank stare, wondering what number you should call to reach a mental institution quickest. He fell back on his heel, angling his face downwards slightly to get a better look at your eyes. “Don’t believe me?” You looked at him as if he were crazy. How could you! This man just chased you down an alley and is now claiming to be your guardian angel, as if that’s possible. Your mind wandered to your co-worker. Had he slipped something in your drink when you weren’t looking? Surely, not.

“Those eyes have never been good at hiding your true thoughts, you know?” He jeered, sending you a wink as he watched you search his face. A blush crept onto your face for a reason unbeknownst to you. Embarrassment maybe? His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as if he were biting back a smile as his dark wings began to expand behind him, stretching out to fill what space they could. You stumbled back slightly, tripping on your feet and landing on your butt as you stared up at the man in horror and maybe slight amazement. How had he engineered them to do that? Were they on a pulley system under his jacket? How did he make them do that without flexing a muscle?

You sat in silence, attempting to find words, a thought, anything to diffuse the situation. Finally, your mind clicked back into place and you pushed yourself up, brushing off your pants and sighing. You began to walk around him. “Okay, Metatron, I’m going home. This’s been fun but I have a shift in a few hours and I think I might have had something laced with PCP so-”

“Oh, come on, I’m not Metatron-”

“Fine, I’ll stop guessing. I just know I need sleep, and you’re some crazy dude in an alley I’ve been wasting too much time talking to.” He chuckled at your response. As you walked a few steps, you couldn’t help but turn back to him. “Plus, what kind of guardian angel looks like you. Aren’t you supposed to look like the Hitler youth with angel wings?”

He smirked, angling his chin up slightly as he ran his tongue over his white teeth. “Yeah, I am. Do you want a ride?”

“No, fuck off,” you quipped with a small laugh, heading in your destination’s direction.

The next morning, you woke up groggy and sore. As you pulled yourself together, you avoided looking at your schedule for the day, hoping that someone would need to switch for an earlier time slot so you could get home at a better time. The diner you worked at during the day was already buzzing with its usual customers coming and going. Families treating themselves to breakfast before heading off to work and school seemed to juxtapose those who were using the little spot as a truck stop. The out of state families were always the better tippers, unsurprising to you. Your routine of monotonously waiting tables and working the register seemed to fit you into your usual groove. That was until you spotted an all too familiar pair of blue eyes, making what you pegged as a dream last night come to life.

You stepped towards him cautiously, your mouth growing drier at the possibility that he had found you here, but by what means? Would he start showing up at your next jobs? Your apartment? The wings were gone, just as you had expected, yet that same sly look remained firmly planted on his lips. In place of the dark suit he wore last night was merely a white t-shirt and a leather jacket, which he had thrown lazily to the side of him in the booth. You straightened out the skirt of your uniform, tapping the end of your pen against the small pad of paper you gripped in your hand maybe a bit too tightly. “What can I get you today, sir?” You asked, making him turn his sights up to beam at you.

“Good morning, sunshine. How was your night?” He mocked, a devious sparkle in his eye. You rolled your eyes at his chipper smugness. He seemed less menacing than in the alleyway, but that wasn’t saying much, considering how dimly lit it had been last night. He now reminded you of someone’s AA sponsor rather than a sophisticated angel. “What do you recommend? I don’t eat-”

You leaned against his table slightly. “Would you drop the act already? You’re not an actual angel.”

His smile seemed to widen a touch. “I think that’s a conversation that we need to have actually. Which is partially the reason why I’m here. I know you get off around six-”

“Are you stalking me?”

“Sorry, did you miss the part where I’m your guardian angel? Or is that still lost on you?” His eyebrow perked up at your question. You couldn’t mask the look of disgust ripping through your body.

You wet your lips. “What do you want?”

He gave you a look suggesting it was obvious. “I don’t know. That’s why I asked you. I haven’t-”

“From me. Why are you here, now?”

He nodded. “Yeah, good question.” He grabbed his jacket from beside him and slid out of the booth, standing next to you. You furrowed your brows at him and he gave you a smug grin once again, heading towards the front of the diner with you scrambling after him. You reached for his arm to pull him back, only to get a spark of electricity singeing against your fingertips, making you groan. He stopped walking and turned to you, his eyes a darker shade. “Great, glad that’s over with. Now, relax,” he hissed, continuing straight towards your boss. What the fuck was happening? He started pulling his jacket on as he spoke to her, her eyes seemingly softening at him as she giggled at what he said. Was he charming her? He stepped out of the way so she could see you.

“It’s a wonderful day, why don’t you take some time off?” Your eyes flashed between the man and your boss, feeling like the world was spinning slightly as you attempted to piece together what was happening. You hadn’t realized you were holding the hand that had been shocked until the man grabbed it, pulling to behind him and out of the diner. He slung one of his legs over a motorcycle you assumed he owned and pushed up the kickstand. He nodded for you to climb on back.

“I need the tips from today. I’ll be behind on my rent-”

“I’ll take care of it,” he answered simply, handing you a helmet.

“No, way-”

“Yes, way. Come on,” he stated, kicking on the bike and pulling his own helmet on. You took a deep breath and compiled. Hell, you had the day off right? As you slunk onto the bike seat, the man pulled you closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Try not to fall off. I don’t feel like trying to heal you up today.” As the bike began to move, you clung tighter to him, feeling him chuckle beneath your grasp. You pressed against his back, trying to figure out where his wings had gone and why the hell you were tazed when you touched him for the first time. Why were his eyes so radiant? Unnaturally radiant, that is. Who the fuck was he?

The ride flashed by rather quickly, your thoughts taking up most of the time you would have normally spent sight-seeing or wondering why in the hell you had gotten on the back of a stranger’s bike. To your surprise, you ended up at another restaurant, stationed in a booth opposite of this strange man as he ordered for you, in an attempt to lighten the shock of the situation. “I thought you didn’t know what food tasted good.”

“I was just playing cute. I thought it might make me more approachable for you.” You blinked at his words, feeling more unstable than when you were on the motorcycle. His demeanor had changed, he was almost tense now. “Where would you like me to start?”

You shrugged, your fear now becoming almost unmanageable. “Who are you?”

“My name is Dean. I was assigned to you when you were born.” You nodded slightly, unsure of what to ask next as you located all the exits in the restaurant. It was crowded, so you figured he wasn’t going to kill you at least. “You mentioned my appearance earlier. I don’t have that Aryan look you want because I’m not really an angel angel. I mean, I used to be.”

You narrowed your eyes. “So what you’re saying is…”

“I work for someone else now. If you get what I mean.” He smiled at the waiter as she brought out drinks for the two of you. He rubbed the back of his neck as he seemed to chew on other information in a way of deciding how to break what to you. “Besides, it’s better having my kind as your guardian than one of those halo pricks.”

You scoffed. “So why right now? Why not show up a few years ago or when I was a kid?”

He shrugged. “Your life is so shitty right now, you need me.” You narrowed your eyes. “Before you defend yourself and go all-mighty woman on me, I know you’re working hard and I know what you want. I can give that to you, and whatever else you desire.”

You put your chin in your hand. “For what? My soul?” You joked.

He rolled his eyes with a small chuckle, setting his arms on the table to lean towards you. “Only if you beg,” he winked. “Actually, there’s no catch. You just have to let me.”

…

Dean sat across the long dinner table from his superior, barely able to touch whatever gruel had been pushed his way. For how civilized it seemed they were, the demon appetite was next to animalistic. The cool air in the room was reflexive of the mood the opaque souls passing beside the large windows echoed: hollow and dead. The light in the room was only thanks to the moonlight shining through the barrier between the worlds. Dean let his mind travel to the day he had spent with you and how much you would hate to be dragged to hell beside him. Could he convince you it wouldn’t be so bad? Was it more just to end his own suffering by adding to yours? 

His superior cleared his throat, brushing a napkin over his chin and standing. His chair made no noise as his figure looked almost wispy as he strolled toward the fireplace, breathing into the logs as if he were a dragon. Dean snickered slightly at the obscenity of the action. “It’s nearly time you know. For the Choosing, I mean.” Dean’s stomach tightened with anxiety at his words. The tall man took his place at the table again, his dark, pitted features unintentionally burning further into Dean’s memories. “I know what you’ve been doing in the mortal world. You think playing around with Gabriel’s daughter is a good idea when you should be looking for a mate you don’t have to kill when the time comes?”

Dean let out a sharp breath, the man’s words cutting deeper into Dean than he had expected them to. Dean looked down at his hands to regain his composure. He had almost had a terrible temper, especially when it came to you. “She doesn’t even know who she is. I can convince her-" 

"No. You can’t. Besides, how would the Choosing play out with a demon-like you meddling in her life.” The man’s calm tone was almost more angering than the rules he was conveying. Dean stared blankly at the man, knowing full well he wouldn’t win this argument, but that wasn’t going to stop him from trying. “I don’t care who’s son you are or how much you like her, I won’t let it happen.”

Dean swallowed. “She’s not like them.”

“I’ll arrange for the church to find you someone who could actually be a mate. Stay out of the mortal world, or at least hers,” the man stated firmly, nodding that Dean could leave finally. If only he could tell you the whole truth, would you believe him then? He shoved his fists into his pant pockets as he chewed his lip, strolling down the vast hallway from the room. Portraits of the underworld leaders lined the walls in different shapes and sizes. When he was younger, Dean had wanted to be among them, like his father. Now it only made him sick to think of the corruption and mass extinctions that got those men on the wall. Gabriel had been an ally of his father’s before the shit hit the fan.

When Dean found out the angels had been having affairs with mortals, he hadn’t blinked an eye; him having already been guilty of that sin himself. But as soon as he laid eyes on you, he wanted you. The Choosing had loomed over him like a rain cloud until that day. What was the worst that could happen if you were his victim for the Choosing? Well, fuck it right, he was already living in hell.

M A S T E R L I S T.

#dean charles chapman #dean-charles chapman #deancharleschapman #demon!dean #dean charles chapman smut #dean charles chapman imagine #dean charles chapman x reader #dean charles chapman fluff #dean charles chapman angel #angel au #angel #devil #devil au #fallen angel

[unfragilelove]

Oooh for the ask game: Eugene? 🥺

[ask game] 

send me a character and i’ll tell you…  

a song that reminds me of them:  ooh, okay so!  i’ve been listening to Vanilla Curls by Teddy Hyde a lot lately and for some reason it’s been giving me big ‘Eugene just as he realizes he’s falling for Rapunzel’ vibes  (and i realize now that’s probably more new dream than eugene-specific but... listen it’s about his feelings for her so it counts ok)  

what they smell like:  like freshly washed linens and leathers that carry a faint scent of the pine trees.   with a hint of campfire smoke and spices.   

an otp:   New Dream, of course.   the communication and support, the tenderness, the way they want nothing more than to see the other happy and free and safe and loved.  i know i’ve ranted about them a thousand times before but i’ll continue do it a thousand times more bc i’m just <3 <3 <3  

a notp:  him and staylan.  while she’s kinda intriguing to me in ‘the eye of pincosta’,  i really can’t get past how icked-out her treatment of eugene in ‘beyond the corona walls’  made me feel.    forcing someone to marry u against their will just... aint it chief.   

favorite platonic/familial relationships:   Lance, wholeheartedly.  I love my two troublemaking boys.  <3   I wish we could’ve seen more of their relationship, their banter, their history together.   ‘Buddy Song’ goes HARD and so does the fact they love eachother so much!!!  give me that heathy masculinity rep. baby!!!     Team Awesome is precious too, Varian and Eugene’s interactions are always so SO delightful and i want more.    I also did enjoy his banter with Cass in the early seasons, peppered in with occasional moments of softness-- i just wish in general that the show had taken a bit more time developing the relationships between characters rather than making everything so focused on magical destinies and long lost blood relatives, but that’s a post for another day.   

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with:   wow i’m suddenly drawing a blank on thinking of popular headcanons for him tbh??  hmm...  i don’t know if it’s popular, but i’ve seen people in the past say they think that, in the movie, Eugene realized Rapunzel was the lost princess before she did, and i... don’t vibe with that tbh, because i think it downplays the significance of him falling for her regardless of her stature, AND also undermines the significance of her being the one to realize it.   but that’s just my personal opinion, to each their own!!  

the position they sleep in:    before living in the castle, Eugene would instinctively curl up to sleep.  it became a habit, forged from years of sleeping on tiny orphanage cots,  beneath makeshift shelters with barely any space to spare,  or sleeping outside in the elements, curling in on himself as a way to keep out the cold.    once he moves in to the castle with Rapunzel, and eventually grows accustomed to the sturdy walls around him and the beds with more mattress space than he knows what to do with, he sprawls out every which way-- limbs wildly thrown about, his body bending itself in weird positions, unconsciously relishing in the newfound space, safety, and comfort of his life. (Rapunzel thinks it’s endearing, and of course, Eugene’s best sleep comes whenever she’s laying beside him.)  

a crossover au i’d love to see them in:  ooh... i have a thousand AUs in mind, but crossover specifically is a tough one??   it’s not very original, but i think the closest property that would make sense for them to meet the characters from would be frozen.  and i feel like it’d be fun!!   eugene would hate the weather in arendelle, though   

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn:   season!! three!!!   that beautiful purple-ish jacket with the corona crest????  the lowcut white shirt?  honestly everyone’s outfits go hard in s3 but Eugene’s in particular is SO good.  <3

#kingreywrites #answered #thank you for the ask love!! <3 #also i tried to make some of these answers kinda prompt and they're still.. pretty long aksjfdk i truly do not know how to shut up i'm sorry

[snusbandxknifewife]

Sticky ficky 5, the one where we get some Jude AngstTM. @coffee-and-corsets said sticky ficky, so @coffee-and-corsets gets some sticky ficky. Hope y’all like my attempt at sticky hand induced tears lol

~~~~~~~~

She’d told him she’d be right back, she’d never even thought that she’d be the target.

She’d planned everything around Oak being the target of the Undersea’s planning. She hadn’t ever considered she’d be in danger.

She was stupid, stupid, stupid. So naïve to leave without backup, so idiotic to think herself above capture, so dumb not to require Cardan save her if she was ever taken prisoner.

What was he doing now? Did he celebrate not having her around? Was Elfhame burning as he and the rest of the Gentry frittered their lives away at some party or another?

Thwip

She frowned at the little sticky hand, blue as the swirling water around her prison, as it smacked half-heartedly against her cell wall. Covered in briny dust from the dried saltwater that also caked her skin, it had long lost all its stickiness.

He’d given it to her at the party, when he’d told her she was wearing a nice dress. Why hadn’t she thanked him then? Why had she only offered a snippish remark and a rude gesture? Was his smile genuine or had it been mocking?

Why had she kept the little blue hand?

She’d held onto it when her guards threw her into the cell. It was all she had left of her life above.

For whatever reason she had kept it originally, she was glad now that she had it. It was all she had left of her sanity. It was all she had left of him.

Thwip

She knew she shouldn’t be crying, that tears would exacerbate her dehydration, but she couldn’t help the way sobs started to wrack her body. It’d been so long since she’d had enough fresh water, food that wasn’t rotten. She knew her guards watched her, knew that she was supposed to be glamoured, knew that she had to eat the slop they give her to keep up her act.

She couldn’t help but weep for when she’d been nothing more than Jude Duarte, Seneschal to the High King of Elfhame, for when her greatest worry was keeping Cardan sober enough to avoid a diplomatic incident.

Thwip

She cursed violently and threw the useless hand across the damp room, so hurt by the way it limply bounced on the sandstone floor that she lashed out and punched the wall.

Blood gushed over her ruined knuckles and she found that, despite her sobbing, no more tears were coming. Her whole body shook from starvation and her head pounded like it was seconds away from cracking open.

Her head hadn’t hurt this badly since the morning after she got drunk in the Court of Shadows. She had no recollection of what happened after she’d made it about halfway through her wine bottle, but she did remember waking up with a pink glittery sticky hand wrapped around her right index finger.

She had spent that morning trying desperately to remember the night previous, because she knew that a sticky hand always meant Cardan was involved, but she couldn’t for the life of her conjure up any reliable memories.

For an hour or two, she had considered simply asking Cardan what had happened, but then she remembered his affinity for smacking her ass and she recalled their night in the chamber behind the throne, and she had decided that maybe she didn’t want to know what drunken antics she was capable of getting up to with a sticky hand and the High King. Any time she’d put more than a second’s thought to the subject after that, her cheeks had grown feverish and she had found herself looking for an excuse to leave.

She had put the pink glittery sticky hand in her bedside drawer, under her favorite nerf gun, and promptly set about doing everything she could to forget about it.

She had succeeded until that very moment.

Jude Duarte, captured Seneschal to the High King of Elfhame, held her crippled hand to her chest and basked in memories of her king. She allowed her thoughts to travel to the way he lounged across his throne, his crown always dangerously tipped to one side. She recalled how he nervously offered her a glimpse of his tail the night she tied him up. Her heart fluttered at the mental image of how he looked, naked to his skin and propped over her on a bench in a secret room behind his throne.

She tried to feel something other than sorrow, and she miserably failed.

Balekin had forced her to kiss him the way she would’ve kissed Cardan. She technically didn’t have to, but she knew what he would’ve expected and she knew he thought her glamoured. When she kissed him the way she’d wanted to kiss the High King, her heart had broken in ways she didn’t even want to consider.

But, left alone with a bleeding hand and a useless children’s toy that only reminded her of the one she missed most, what else did she have to think about?

Her kisses with Cardan had all been full of vitriol, that’s just the way they were with one another. With nothing to do but stare at the wall and imagine, Jude had begun to wonder what it would be like to kiss him with something other than hatred on her lips. How would he have reacted if, that night behind the throne, she had pressed a sweet kiss to his jaw instead of biting a vicious mark into his neck? Would he have held her softer? Would his tail, which had wrapped possessively around her thigh, have delicately caressed up her side instead?

Would she have liked it?

In the pit of her stomach, Jude found herself fearful that she might never find out, that her only chance at a loving embrace had been cruelly ripped from her by the evil elder brother of the man she wished had offered it instead. As time passed, her heart hardened around the idea that she would become just like the drowned ones, that she’d be left down here alone, that Cardan didn’t actually care for her enough to rescue her.

Jude picked the sticky hand up again and wrapped it around the index finger of her left hand, keeping her bloodied right hand to her chest as she tried to drown her thoughts in the mindless target practice that she’d already spent what felt like a lifetime enduring.

Thwip

Thwip

Thwi-ick

The sticky hand caught on a jagged edge of a sandstone block, the ring finger of the little blue hand ripping away and bouncing off into the darkness.

She let her left hand fall into her lap, the sticky hand flopping to the ground like a dead fish.

Broken by Faerie, she thought as her eyes lazily dragged from the hand to her own left ring finger. A thing of mortal creation, not made to last in a world as beautiful and cruel as this.

~~~~~~

I’m trying to decide on the next chapter. Either I can skip straight to Jude-in-exile AngstTM feat. Cardan AngstTM, or I can try my hand at some sticky-hand-induced diet smutTM from their wedding night (I know they didn’t fully do the do but that doesn’t have to mean nothing happened.) so y’all get to help me decide how I use the Sticky Ficky to torture you next lmao. There is nothing this crack fic can’t do y’all I promise I WILL find a way to write in sticky hands.

~~~~~~~

Tag list: @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @hizqueen4life @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thewickedkings @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @cheekycheekycheeks @queen-of-glass @b00kworm @doingmyrainbow @andromeddea

#cardan greenbriar #jude duarte #tfota #jurdan #judecardan #the wicked king #the great sticky hand war #sticky ficky #tyrannosaurus lex writes #im so fucking sorry #my name is lex and i write bullshit #i really said hey look lets maim the sticky hand just like jude lol #i WILL write sticky ficky smut that is a threat #crack fic