Ancient Roman Poets on a Modern Date
Catullus (Gaius Valerius Catullus)
If you meet him before Lesbia, he will be charming, eloquent, and happy to go wherever you like, although his funds could be limited. Even so, he'll make sure you both enjoy yourselves. Theater or concert tickets in the plebian--nosebleed--section, for instance. If you meet him after Lesbia, there is a possibility he will spend the entire time trauma-dumping about his ex. If you also have one to complain about, this could be cathartic.
Virgil (Publius Vergilius Maro)
He takes you out to his beehive dressed in full bee-keeping gear to introduce you to his bees and then goes inside, where you sample different varieties of honey drizzled over fruit. He is sweet, but does talk about fields and bees a lot.
Ovid (Gaius Valerius Catullus)
Let's be honest. This might be more of a Tinder or Grindr hookup than a date. However, it's possible you met at a theater, race track, parade, or seaside resort. If you are aro/ace, run away. If you aren't and you are interested in seeing if he truly is proficient as a teacher of love, stick around. Don't expect him to be faithful, however. And although his manners are perfect, remember that it's an art and a game to him, so guard your heart.
Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus)
He'll take you out for a night of expensive dining and pay for it solely because the friend of a friend that owns the place owes him. He is charming company and can get you into any exclusive club or private experience you want to go to, but will expect reciprocated favors. Also, he turns on the charm, but absolutely expects to be complimented in return.
Sulpicia
She plays hard to get initially, not wanting to be too obvious with her affection. The first date will be YOUR choice. Pick well and she'll follow that with a candlelit dinner and eternal devotion. She does have expensive taste, however, and she would absolutely report you to her scary uncle if you break her heart.
Martial (Marcus Valerius Martialis)
He takes you on a picnic. Despite this being in the country, he'll opt for fine wine and gourmet food. He's easy to talk to, funny, and catty with his gossip. However, he'll also go on about his childhood in the country and how he went hunting and fishing and how he misses the simple country life. (All while sipping from an expensive goblet.)
Livy (Titus Livius)
He takes you to a museum and acts as your tour guide throughout the entire thing. Who knew that your date would double as a living and breathing audio tour? You're supposed to eat at the museum cafe, but you may not make it there before it closes... If you're a fan of history, you're in for a treat.
Iullus Antonius
Iullus is a huge romantic and just as charming as his famous father. He will show up with flowers and take you on a date in a small, undiscovered restaurant and to a lot of cute places that are off the beaten path. Whether you hit it off romantically or not, he's the kind of guy who could be your ride or die. (Spoiler alert, when he says he's your ride or die, he's extremely serious. 💀)
Albius Tibullus
When he falls, he falls hard. He takes you on a date in an orchard. This includes picking grapes and then tasting wines. If the date is before he was entranced with one of the lovers he wrote about, all is well. If not, he might get a little teary eyed about his past love(s). He is polite, sweet, attentive, and apologetic though.
Juvenal (Decimus Junius Juvenalis)
He takes you to an expensive restaurant and makes it clear he is only paying for HIS meal. The entire time he criticizes everyone else in the restaurant for being posers and judges them based upon appearance, status, and gender. His date is not a safe place for anyone who doesn't fit his definition of traditional values. Definitely talks about kids these days and the degradation of society.
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what i said:
good morning, beautiful. did you know that vultures lay their eggs at the edges of cliffs?
what i meant:
every year i fight the urge to reinvent myself, to shed my skin and take a new name. i’ve got a manic flight hidden in my bones somewhere, down to the marrow. i’m scared of needles. i wanna get better but i don’t know how. i’m glad i didn’t know that the last time i saw you was the last time; it was better that i didn’t spend it dreading your absence the way i spent two hours trying to figure out why vultures lay their eggs at the edges of cliffs.
what i said:
some things just don’t have an answer, beautiful. vultures were associated with catharsis long before they ever were with death.
what i meant:
some things just don’t have an answer. i never believed in love at first sight until i saw you. the birds are singing and it makes me smile and it makes me sick.
what i said:
i’m falling for you, beautiful. did you know that a group of larks is called an exaltation?
what i meant:
i only loved you long enough to set my soul in flight and watch you become my ceiling. i didn’t want what we had to be short but meaningful. i just wanted it to be meaningful.
what i said:
i’ll miss you, beautiful. did you know mourning doves are related to carrier pigeons? did you know they used to send them overseas to sing funeral songs?
what i meant:
maybe there’s another world where i wake you up every day with bird facts but i don’t think it’s this one.
what i said:
goodbye, beautiful. did you know that nightingales die faster the more they sing?
what i meant:
i would’ve sang myself to death, for you.
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🖤 barber!mickey & (not so) shaggy!ian 🖤
here's the 43rd installment for this week's @galladrabbles prompt: the below poem by jewel by @sweetbee78
“I am not from here,
my hair smells of the wind
and is full of constellations
and I move about this world
with a healthy disbelief
and approach my days and my work
with vaporous consequence
a touch that is translucent
but can violate stone.”
catch up/read in full HERE -- updates weekly!
[ read scenes one & two in their entirety ON AO3 ]
- - - - -
Much to Mickey’s chagrin, it’s Ian who breaks their embrace. His emerald eyes are wide and full of something he can’t quite put a tattooed finger on, but that boils his blood.
They share a set of secret smiles, despite the previous, and incredibly public, displays of their affections.
Mickey scans the man in front of him—this familiar stranger—his eyes flicking from his cherry-red lips to the button of his nose, and up to that flaming red hair, which smells of the wind, and is full of constellations.
The cosmos made tangible, and apparently his to touch?
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