#none of it is uni work and thats what i need to focus on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honesthammie · 3 years

Text

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

#13th doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #female reader

30 notes · View notes

cuartosol · 4 years

Text

bougierthanthou ha respondido a tu set de fotos

“I binged all Code Lyoko seasons and played Quest for Infinity and I’m...”

@hinazinnia what are their lives like in high school? How have they developed post XANA and Lyoko?

IM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED ill try to make this short and if you wanna know more you can always ask me! They are actually in college! Two disclaimers:

(1) im from spain, and my french is limited, i did my best in learning how college works in france, but im sure there are a lot of mistakes! (2) this takes place after the 4th season, ignoring evolution BUT maybe taking some cool ideas from there, even if i had only watched a couple of episodes

YUMI (19)

she went to study history to japan in her first year of uni, but felt disconnected from her peers and missed her life back in france. She returned to france and switched to a translation and interpreting degree, and thats where the story begins

she witnessed something (back in japan) that disturbed her and is related to xana but she refuses to talk to her old group of friends for some reason....

AELITA (17)

shes in her first year of bioinformatics (both her and jeremy skipped a year)

she’s been dating jeremy since highschool and kind of wants to break up with him. she loves him so much, but she is curious about forming a life outside of the same people she’s known since she came back to earth

this desire is also related to her feeling of being stuck in the same place, she’s been trying to discover new things (both realted to lyoko and her past, among other things) but feels she is often more busy with jeremy’s research than her own

she is the only one who had kept in contact with yumi

JEREMY (17)

1st year computer engineering-mathematics (2 degrees in one lmao)

he’s secretly been developing his own virtual world, offline and with his own techonology

he also feels kind of disconnected from his friends (can you see the theme of my story), but unlike aelita, he feels like things should return to “normal”, aka, how they were back in kadic. (i wanna focus his character arc on learning how to adapt to changes)

ODD (18)

1st years of fine arts (but he will change to cinema in the future, he was just to scared to specialize his studies so soon... he needs to learn to value his own work and have more self-esteem

he lives with ulrich (and KIWI!!!) and he is a fucking mess but makes up for it bc he knows how to cook

he is the one who has more friends outside of the group, however he feels like he is just passing by and doesn’t have any deep conections to any of them

ULRICH (19)

1st year business management. he l o a t h e s it but chose it bc he was lost as hell and his father was, as always, pressuring him

he teaches little kids martial arts and thats the only thing keeping him sane

he dated yumi from 15-16 until yumi told him she was leaving to japan and they had one of their fights. (he dated sissi out of spite which was a very bad thing to do... i think the lyoko warriors treat her really badly and id to make them work on that)

AND NOW ONTO THE PLOT,,,, Ulrich stumbles upon yumi on a morning jog and he’s like “what are u doing here i thought u were in japan” and yumi just. stares. and leaves.

so ulrich comes back home and rants to odd and odd says to tell the rest of the group for that night’s celebrations (its jeremy’s bday lmao). aelita tells them that she’s been talking with her but that she’s been ghosting her for the last month and she was acting weird before that.

she then gets a text from yumi telling her that william is in the hospital bc “he’s been getting worse” and odd reads it aloud and of course they go. everything is really awkward and they all have unresolved stuff (mainly that they were too young for al the shit they went through and none of them had found healthy ways to cope with it except ignoring it so being all together again is... yikes).

yumi is left alone with william and he attacks her and the gang help her just like the old times. jeremy is very convinced it was xana’s fault and wants to turn on the supercomputer to check, but they dont all agree (kind of pararell to their feelings towards turning it off in the show) and they part ways.

yumi knows more than she wants to say, beacuse she /knows/ that if she said it, it would make everything go back to square 1 and is it really their mission? is it their responsability?

i dont wanna say what is actually happening bc i had a comic/mini zine planned but that’s the main plot. just an overly complicated fic about changes and old friendships and dumb headcanons and a plot that is in fact an excuse to explore all the trauma that these kids must actually have lmao

if you wanna know more (about this au or just about my headcanons for the show), feel free to ask!

#bougierthanthou #code lyoko

37 notes · View notes

queerlyhalloween · 3 years

Text

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

#tw suicide mention #child abuse #homophobia #transphobia #ablesim #racism #*muffled screaming*#im shit at tagging sorry if i missed anything but im out i think

3 notes · View notes

carotriesstudy · 5 years

Text

When you’re not doing well at uni and failing

okay, i know im not the best at keeping this blog bc its like not a physical thing so i forget i have it lol

but i wanted to just talk a little and vent bc of my life is pretty shit atm (the tips at the start are written post rant to actually give some advice instead of just venting)

Tip 1 - get out of bed

I know its hard, I could spend my life in bed and tbh I do. but I also know that while it feels like taking care of yourself to relax, I know it’ll make me more depressed. and it's super hard. I constantly tell myself to get up while lying there an entire day. but when you feel that little spur of energy or in my case annoyance lol use it. get up and get out.

Tip 2 - get out of your room

this is similar to tip 1 but if you find yourself in lack of motivation or energy go somewhere. take a walk, or go study in a library or cafe. and this can be even harder. having to get dressed? maybe interact with people? are you kidding me? but the minute you get out and even when you interact with people it feels better. you aren't holed up in your depression or whatever might be bothering you.

Tip 3 - it’s okay and it’s going to be better

right now it's shit. and it feels like its never going to get better. and that you're stuck in this rut forever. but things will turn even if you don't want them to. there can be a comfort and security in your depression bc it gives a reason to why it feels like its right. but you know what also feels like that? the good, and hopefully there will be more of those.

Tip 4 - do as much as you can handle

it's easy to not do things. I haven't done anything all semester. and it sucks bc it's biting me in the ass now. and it's not like I don't have the time. I just don't have the energy. so when I have the energy I need to remember that reading 3 pages of assigned reading is still better than none. I go to class even if I'm not paying attention bc it gets me up and out but also it gives a good idea of what I need to focus on etc.

Tip 5 - its okay to “give up”

i dont like the phrase giving up that much bc it sounds like defeat. i am in a process of severly considering not starting again next semester bc of my mental health. its serious consideration. but its one i need to make and if i decide not to go, it doesnt mean i gave up, i just realised that my current situation iisnt good and that i need to change stuff before i can continue instead of wasting my time doing a shit job at an expensive uni. so, thats good. figuring out what works and what doesnt is only a positive thing

today im in a somewhat good mood despite learning i failed my stats exam (dw its not bad we have multiple so i can still pass)

but the thing is, i have been in a very bad place or a long time and it has really been affecting me and by extension also my education.

i feel apathetic towards everything, im uninterested, and the stress and obligatoin feel i used to really on to study isnt kicking in anymore due to the apathy

im constantly tired, i cant get out o bed in the morning and we have madatory attendance (which probably is good bc otherwise i wouldnt be going to class probably)

my concentration and attention is somewhere completely different atm and its been weeks like this (usually its a few days) and i cant control it very well and its making it hard for me to study and pay attention

im letting myself slip, my room is slipping, my health is slipping

while im trying to get better and be more social which is easier than studying bc usually its just me and this one friend getting high and watching stupid videoes which is nice bc its a break to feel happy and entertained but its also not good for me

back to school stuff since this is a study blog

im no doing good in any of my classes, i barely passed two exams, failed one and possibly one more

i have an exam on friday i need to study for, and one on monday. i neeed good grades in these to make up for the not so good marks i have received before

and while i know that taking care of your mental health is more important not feeling like doing academic work is bothering me a lot actually and its a hellish circle of poor mental health leads to poor academic performance which then leads to poor mental health

and while my apathy and alexithymia saves me from feeling sad or upset by my grades i know deep down i want to do well. i want to succeed.

i cant keep not working, i need to put in work if i wanna improve. this isnt high school anymore

im doing some hard courses this semester and while i am usually interested in most of them i cant seem to care

im doing better today mentally and i feel up for getting some stuff done so im going to exploit that but i also just want to sleep and wake up feeling actually awake for once

im also getting sick so thats fun

my parents are also making me see a therapist (i haven't started yet) and i think thats a good idea but i have a lot of anxiety about it lol hence why i need therapy

im also going to talk to counsellor at school and see what she can help with as well

idk what id going to happen but im trying to finish my semester and get back into a good study rhythm. I anyone wants to throw some advice or encouragement my way id really appreciate it.

#studyblr #college #uni #mental health #drug mention #studying #tips #failing #mine

145 notes · View notes

redeyemaniac · 5 years

Text

so whats happening in my world

Well I graduated uni. yay! I’m officially unshackled from the education system for the first time in about 20 years. It’s fucking weird.

Well I guess that means its time to get a job. Well. The world just turned around and kicked me in the groin with that one because about 50-100 people just got laid off at EA’s melbourne office. Thats around 5-10% of the ENTIRE australian games industry by the way. This means my likelihood of getting employed in the games industry is slim to none right now.

So what do I do?

Well, I have a project I need to focus on with a friend. I’m programming a first person horror game. That’s the most I will say about that at the current moment. I’m going to be working on that this week.

Outside of that, I’m going to be completing some small unity projects to a polished level and building a portfolio. Maybe find some mobile games and build clones of them.

I’m also going to be looking for some non games industry work. probably just data entry or something idk.

4 notes · View notes

pkmtrainerbenny · 7 years

Text

tagged by @wibuwibirb a long time ago and got lost on my notifications askdjskdfh but here it is

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and be happy yes

LAST

Drink: coke

Phone call: My uni teacher

Text message: to my two childhood friends

Song you listened to: Shelter - ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴠᴇʀ - (Cover)【JubyPhonic】

Time you cried: hmm that would be last week, like at 2am or something

HAVE YOU

Dated someone twice: nope

Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

Been cheated on: nope

Lost someone special: I lost a few very good close friends, which makes me very sad.

Been depressed: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah i don’t really drink, bro

Made new friends: yeah!!

Fallen out of love: nah

Laughed until you cried: probably, yea-

Found out someone was talking about you: hmm... yeah, actually

Met someone who changed you: ayup

Found out who your friends are: i found out who aren’t my friends, and that is a just as important, i guess

Kissed someone from your Facebook list: what even is facebook at this point- but no

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nope

Lost glasses/contact lenses: hahah- once, because i slept with my glasses on my face and woke up with them gone. they were under my pillow

Turned someone down: ... not that i am aware of?

Sex on the first date: nope, no sex. or date.

Broken someone’s heart: ... i guess not? i hope not...

Had your heart broken: not really ahah- not that i know

Been arrested: I WILL NOT GO BACK TO JAIL! okay but jokes aside, no

Cried when someone died: ... no, actually i didin’t.

Fallen for a friend: Guess not?

Kissed on the first date: nope

GENERAL

List 3 favorite colors: Blue, red and pink!

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: uuUHH- itS BEEN SO LOng leMME see--... 154 dsfkljdsf i have more followers than that wheeeze

Do you have any pets: i already had two dogs, one was a boxer named Sora, the other a pinscher called Bidu. I had a few hamsters as well and some golden fishes and three betas. The dogs passed away, the fishes too and the hamster i killed one and then gave out the rest to a sick kid that really wanted pets wheeeze but currently no, no pets

Do you want to change your name: want- not really want no, but if I were to choose another name- man, I love the name “Melody” a lot, that would be such a cute name to have.

What time did you wake up: today was about... 7:30am

What were you watching at midnight last night: my drawing being made finally after so long wheeeze- i was drawing last midnight

Name something you can’t wait for: finishing my final project on uni so i can focus fully on developping my game alraedy askdfjiher

When was the last time you saw your mom: like, 10 minutes ago wheeeze

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my gosh forsaken will to do work because man i need to get back to focus on those things

What are you listening to right now: unravel (English Cover)【JubyPhonic】ᴅᴊ-ᴊᴏ ᴅᴜʙsᴛᴇᴘ ʀᴇᴍɪx

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: my lazy ass

Most visited website: tumblr, youtube and my email

Mole/s: Yup

Mark/s: i have- freckles caused by sunburn on my shoulders and... maybe one or two scars somewhere...

Childhood dream: i wanted to be a bus driver and a trashman.... or well, trashwoman. dont ask, i also don’t know why

Do you have a crush on someone: i have a crush on a stable sleep schedule and i know its out of my reach so i gave up. no, no crushes

What do you like about yourself: .... optmism? uh.... kindness? or.... being very patient?

Piercings: used to wear earrings, but now eh just on special moments.

Blood type: O+

Nickname: Ben, Bennyo, Benben, Bencake, Benbun

Relationship status: single like a pringle, looking for Pringles, not dates. Give me chips, thanks.

Zodiac: Aeris

Pronouns: She/her

Favorite TV show: what is TV? im not even joking its been so long since i watched anything-- uh... Bear Bears, Voltron, uh... idk man, weve been watching so much Star Trek lately i cant stand that anymore otl

Tattoos: oh man I WISH

Right or left hand: Right to things that need precision, left to anything that needs strength

Surgery: none so far

Hair dyed in different color: it already was: red, purple, blue, pink and blue, and now that im not taking care of it is green wheeeze

Sport: i like chess. thats a sport. im not good, but i like it lmao i also love to watch voleyball

Vacation: from my room to the bathroom

Pair of trainers: ... two i guess, one have a hole but still usable

Current and all-time best friend: nOW THAT I KNOW i caN HAVE MORE THAn ONE its sazy and avi! not gonna tag because im lazy. But!! I do love all my friends equally, no need to feel left out

Eye color: hazel/ bright green when i cry

Favorite movie: Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: hugs. i love hugs please just-- just hugs...

Lips or eyes: eyes, yes all eyes are gorgeous

Shorter or taller: ha as if there is anyone shorter than me. taller

Nice arms or stomach: can i like- pick a third option: back? no? well- arms then

Sensitive or loud: a little bit of both is always good man, someone that is energetic and uplifting but knows when to tone down and be gentle

Hook up or relationship: relationships

Troublemaker or hesitant: again, a little bit of both is always good

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: i dont omg i know so much bad stuff about me, man hey man, if i don’t, who will?

Miracles: yes, but you need to work for them. Miracles only happen to those that work hard.

Love at first sight: hhmm... i don’t think so, no... you can like someone at first sight, but love only comes after knowing the person.

Santa Claus: good man, needs more love of the kids

If you feel like doing this, please go ahead and tag me so i can look at it too!! Have fun~

#OnlyText #about the ben #ya tagged me y o #long post

2 notes · View notes

perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

Text

Longest post ever. Keep Scrolling! Look away!

About my brother leaving. Now there are two sides to it. One is how he is so young & he will move so far away & has to take care of everything. He has to study first of all, which is the main thing. And this in itself is a whole new experience. Starting university & facing all the pressure & tight schedule & deadlines that come with it. And to top that all, he will move to a new country. An entirely new place he has never been to & one which is very very very different from the country where he was born & raised & literally spent entire 18 years of his life in. Now whether this is the lifestyle & culture & religion we are talking about, or just the weather. You name it, & it's something different he has to face. Let's go back to studies. The ‘studies’ part, is totally acceptable! I mean it's his responsibility. No one will or is expected to do it or help him with it. This is totally on him. He has to figure it out himself. If he needs help, he needs to look for it. If he has a problem he needs to find a way out, or deal with it. The idea of having an elder sibling or family to help you with your studies, i believe, is totally absurd when someone is moving to university. At school, it might be ok but when someone is starting uni, cmon, I think it's time to stop already. Let them grow up on their own. You can't be wiping their ass for them their entire life. Not to mention, everyone has their own share of responsibilities, their own affairs to handle. Everyone of us are struggling everyday, to build our futures. And NO. This is not selfish. This is our responsibility towards ourselves. We owe this to ourselves, and no, you are not in any way, supposed to expect anyone to actually help you deal with your responsibilities in life. So with you share of duties, is it really selfish to focus on your affairs & prioritize them? & also what good will you be really doing by helping someone? How much of someone else's responsibilities can you own? There will come a point where you’ll have to leave them on their own except that now you've already spoiled them and they'll be more lost than ever. So yeah, plus i'm not even studying engineering so anyways i couldn't do much or anything at all but even if i could have, i really never liked the whole concept of doing it in ‘uni’. I have such a strong opinion about it seeing my cousins and other people. Meaning, it's not just me randomly thinking about it and commenting but i rather did always have such an opinion about this matter. So yeah that's the only ‘okay’ thing! From now, things are changing. Now, let's talk about the end of everyday! When he comes ‘home’/ dorm room. He doesn't come home to anyone. Whether it is your siblings being lame and stupid, or your parents being in a fight, or some really good day where everyone's happy and laughing - you're not getting any of it. Is anyone bringing you food? Cooking for you exactly what you eat? No. When are you going to bed? No one cares other than you. Who’s making sure you wake up and don't miss class in the morning? Who’s making you breakfast? Filling your water flask? You buy your food if you have time before class. Such a good day, just 3 classes and you're home by 11. Who do you go home to? Yourself. Weekends? .. Nvm But we are only trying to provide the best future for him. And i can NOT disagree to this at all. Not even for a second. Since almost a year, my dad & my mom has thought of everything & every tiny thing that we will need for him. Whether it is the fact that winter clothes are sold in shops during winter and winter in ksa was 6 months ago, so keeping that in mind and shopping for him things which is just too hard to get in the shops right now cause it's totally summer rn over here! Or whether it is something more serious like meeting all the different formalities to apply for a visa. And shopping for him all these months. Making lists of everything he might need. Things like plate, glass, things like rugs, things like brush, toothpaste, things like pillows, bed sheet, things like laundry basket, warm gloves, things like rain coat. Like you name it, and it somehow is something he actually needs. Also, we are so concerned about providing him the best. I think all my life, a part of shopping included looking at the price tag and seeing if its a good bargain. But now, suddenly thats not done anymore. Anything he touches (which is very little btw) & anything we choose for him (which is like every single thing we see), its just getting the best for him. Its like theres this thing in our heads. Like this is it. My brother hardly gets anything for himself. He is kind of different. So we are just getting him all these stuff because once he goes there, he might not get it for himself. And even if he does, us getting something for him now will be the last time we are doing so. Cause from now on he'll do his stuff himself. So like i was saying. We are only trying to provide the best future for him. And i can NOT disagree to this at all. Not even for a second. And this is a stage that comes in everyone's life & we can not and should not run from it. This is the right thing to do in my brother’s case. Everything till now has gone so smoothly Alhamdulillah. But it still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Especially when i think of my mom. I get the whole idea of how it's the hardest on the moms. In fact i have even witnessed many moms crying & breaking when their kids had to leave and all. But. This is different. I am talking about ‘my mom’. I respect all mother’s love, i do. But about my mom; unless you live under the same roof as her, you will find it impossible to believe how much of her heart & soul & energy she invests on our family. For which, I will be forever grateful & will consider myself blessed. I will never be able to start and finish talking about her but let me mention some interesting stuff! Let's start with me! So im 21. And i don't do my laundry (none of it at all), i don't vacuum (the house or even just my room), I don't iron my clothes (never did), I don't clean the dishes (not even my own plate or glass or water flask), I don't clean my room (the furnitures & stuff) & interestingly, i don't even know how to make tea or coffee (unless it's those sachets you get, but i just use them at uni). TADA - Mom does all of that for me. I don't remember the last time i did ‘any’ of the things i mentioned. I can't say i never did any of them though, but it was only for one of the 2 reasons: 1. I was younger and mom got angry with me maybe & she’d punish me by making me do it OR 2. I voluntarily offered maybe cause it was vacation and i wasn't lazy & stuff (btw this vacation, i'm totally lazy, i never offered or did anything) So like i said, i don't remember the last time i did any of it. Infact, to TOP ALL THAT, mom makes sure of all my ‘excess’ needs too. She pays so much importance to them. Like, my diet. Diet - meaning the food i eat. Now regardless of whether im trying to lose weight or not, i totally dont like asian food, more specifically, all the daily food cooked in a bengali household. I dont like ‘curries’. I prefer ‘dry’ food. It doesnt matter what it is. Chicken, beef or veggie. If its a ‘curry’, im not putting it in my mouth. Curry meaning the whole making it liquidy with all masala & stuff. And i ‘especially’ hate chicken curry. I also dont honestly remember the last time i ate it. And i am NOT exaggerating but i stopped eating it like way back in grade 11 or 12. By chicken curry, i mean the MOST REGULAR meal in almost every bengali household, more like an EVERYDAY meal especially for the kids. And it works for my bros too lol. But no way on hell im eating it. The reason is, this is one food ive been eating since i learned to ear and then after around a pretty 13 to 14 years of eating chicken curry i had to say NO one fine day xD xD Ok now i have 2 phases: one is the normal daily phase where unis going on and i'm stressed and all i eat is junk food, or maybe something not junk but has to be all delicious or maybe sometimes i'll consider eating healthy and want some classy salad and stuff. Mom always has to prepare a different meal or me. Then she has to prepare something else for her and dad too cause chicken is kids stuff and also mom does not eat chicken at all if she is the one who cooked it so yeah. And then there's chicken for my bros xD On top of that, when im in the other phase where im trying to lose weight - Oh god. The whole menu of food changes. All green veggies and salads and stuff. All grilled chicken, grilled fish, grilled beef. She does all of that. Also. she THEN ‘decorates’ my food cause she knows i love taking pictures of my food. She decorates my food. She makes sure I like the plate on which she is serving the food; whether the plate will look good in the picture. She makes sure I get to take a perfect picture. If she gets confused about how to decorate something, she'll tell me to do it and ask me what i need. I mean man, who does that to a 21 year old???? I know i am spoiled! Now ^ i got carried away! All that is a small gesture of what my mom does for ‘me’. And i'm like her eldest kid. Like she actually thinks i can take care of myself ‘more than my brothers can’ Yeah do you see where i'm going with this? You can not imagine HOW much more she does for my bros, like ‘woahhhh’👌 I’ll just give one example for each bro. My elder bro - he never actually had to open his closet and decide on which dress to wear till now in his life!!!!! Yesss!!!!! Mom even takes out his clothes. Clothes. Every garment :):):) and keeps it ready for him to wear every time he showers, or changes, or goes outside :) and that's the one who’s already 18 and moving soon! And my younger bro - well he is kinda different. Like he is all concerned about his looks and he demands on choosing his own clothes from his closet and wearing them xD xD but then mom still feeds him lunch and dinner most of the day and he is almost 14 :):):) So yes. Idk how my mom is going to handle it. But what i know is that she is such a brave and strong and intelligent and amazing woman mashAllah. She is so hard-working & she puts aside all her sickness and pain & prioritises our needs, and our wants, even if theyre really stupid. And she means the world to me. And she is my number 1 person. And I can give up anything for her. Words cannot express how much she means to me. I once had to stay a night away from her during the 1st week of my uni in 1st year of med school. That was the night I actually realized how important she was to me. I was away from her and due to some circumstance I couldn't communicate with her. That whole night, i lied in bed crying & asking Allah to let me meet my mom in my dreams as I fall asleep now… Idk if I ever told that to anyone before, but yeah here it is. Ahhhh. God!!!!! Such a huge post wth man )@+%;’!(%)#!%(£))@!%!%) but Ughhhh I just needed to get it all out of my system! Hmphhh

1 note · View note

punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Ali & Caleb

Ali: Do we know when Carly's funeral is going to be yet? Ali: I need to come back but I don't want to pester her parents...I sent a message but no response Caleb: I did too and got nothing either Caleb: I'm feeling they dont want us to be knowing Ali: Think so too Ali: Which is rich considering Ali: Trying to be understanding but where have they been Ali: I know I was away too but Caleb: you kept in touch Caleb: they haven't met their grandchild yet, have they? That's their vibe Caleb: imma leave them in peace but its not cool Ali: everything is so fucked Ali: how did this happen Caleb: never seen my mum madder Caleb: she's not praying for them saving 'em up for indie & drew Caleb: you gotta make sure you handle your own goodbye Ali: Can't blame her Ali: thank God she and Meena were there or they could both be gone Ali: What the hell is going to happen now Ali: Yeah, I'll have to, I don't think we're getting in to the real funeral but, it won't be her anyway Ali: they don't know her Caleb: I wish I had been, caught my mum crying hard later & that was before all this Caleb: she's down to take her in but I dunno if he'll allow it Caleb: Carly's parents could take her still its mad here rn Ali: I owe her big time, I didn't know what else to do, she wouldn't go to Hospital so I can't be sorry I did it but I am sorry for the fucking trauma of it all Ali: In a way, that might be better for her, but then...they've not done a good job with Carly, have they? Would they let history repeat itself Ali: but Drew, fuck Caleb: it's all good, like nah, but as far as my mum goes Caleb: you did the right thing Caleb: I dunno man they might be feeling like they're getting a second chance with her but will it be? Caleb: you heard from him? Caleb: im blocked Ali: Thanks, I'm doubting everything I did and said now Ali: but I really tried Ali: I truly don't know what's for the best but it will have to be worked out Ali: Poor baby Ali: No, not since this whole...mess Ali: I think he genuinely feels guilt for this one Caleb: You handled shit better than I could. Better than most I think Caleb: Estou orgulhoso de ti, querida. Caleb: yeah my heart's breaking to look at her Caleb: He won't let me help him & truth be that I don't even know where to start Caleb: No idea what he wants, you know Caleb: could be what the kid needs but as easy could not be Ali: You're too nice for your own good Ali: He probably feels like he doesn't deserve it, and rightly so frankly but not going to spite Indie just to prove a point Ali: She's so innocent Ali: Oh God Ali: I'd do it myself but the social would never sign off on that Ali: who am I, like Ali: She's got family Caleb: I ain't feeling it. I'm raging Caleb: I get that I don't get to speak on it, and he's hurting so I'm not going there but I dunno how he could let her go like that Caleb: With the bab there Caleb: Shit's beyond fucked Caleb: We could try. You were Carly's family Caleb: She'd want you looking out for indie Ali: I don't know Ali: It was hard to know how to help her Ali: but he didn't even try Ali: well, from what we can see from our outside perspective Ali: she seemed to think he did but Ali: I don't fucking know Ali: It really is, thank God Indie won't remember any of this Ali: Drew will have to, and that's his punishment Ali: I asked Mum, its pretty much a no go, if she got put in the system, if none of them claimed her, then maybe, but not whilst I'm at Uni and away and I already have too many kids to deal with by standards Ali: especially for a single parent, they wouldn't favour me over a nice, older well-off couple with everything to give Caleb: She wanted to bounce so says my mum, he shoulda let her do what she needed to do, she had to be in shock having her way it went Caleb: gotta keep your babies safe they're defenseless Caleb: anything could've happened them playing at family how they did Caleb: Filho da mãe! Caleb: Okay but hear me out...what if we went at this together? Caleb: You still got your ring, you're still my missus, legal or nah Caleb: se você me tiver eu estou disposto Ali: She did, she had, she told me where she was Ali: I just think its too easy to think over all this now Ali: its plausible he was trying to keep her safe by bringing her back, its not out there Ali: arguably was safer who knows where she would've ended up Ali: its happened regardless of all the what-ifs and woulda coulda shoulda Ali: better focusing on what we can all do now, Drew included Ali: See, too nice Ali: Of course I do Ali: I still don't think it'll happen but of course we can try Ali: if it comes to that Caleb: True Caleb: He was outta his depth, feeling like he could get Carly to turn it all around, let his kid have the ma he never Caleb: It's sad man Caleb: Good Caleb: We can't worry on that yet but I've been stressing over you out there on your own Caleb: Can I hit you with another idea? Ali: Yeah, exactly Ali: Very fucking sad Ali: Oh, I'm fine, like, not right now but, you know Ali: Go for it Caleb: Try not to get vexed at me for sneaking but it's been a while Caleb: I've been hitting up job offers round you and they've said yeah to some part time things Caleb: I wanna come out, help with the kids more than ever now Caleb: What you think? Ali: You're serious? Ali: I think its the best news I've had in a long while Ali: Well done you! Caleb: what happened got me thinking Caleb: and its the only thing that makes sense Caleb: us all together, you feel me? Caleb: It won't be easy but neither is this rn Ali: I've been feeling the same Ali: but I was too scared to put it out there Ali: Family should be all that matters Ali: the rest is just bullshit to deal with Ali: the kids are going to be so excited when are you coming Caleb: my bad for leaving you hanging this long but I didn't wanna mess you around, not only with the job, you know Caleb: but my heart's sure Caleb: I dunno what I'd do if shit happened to you, cos you're my baby mama yeah, but cos you're you too Caleb: I still feel the same, not trying to change it these days Caleb: Gotta help Gus get my cuz ready to do my thing but won't take no time Ali: Not at all, it had to be right Ali: It would be all the more painful and wrong if you came and we couldn't make it work Ali: I love you Caleb: I love you too Caleb: You've been all on my mind since I last saw you and thats how I want it Ali: Wait Ali: before you commit fully I have something to tell you Ali: might change your mind, I don't know so you need to know now before Caleb: You can tell me Caleb: I'm listening Ali: [Sends bump pic] Ali: About 5/6 months Ali: Your Bday, Christmas, remember? Ali: I didn't say because Ali: Last time Ali: I've not told anyone else though, no one Caleb: Shit man! You been dealing on your own Caleb: That's so rough, Ali Caleb: You should've said, hit up your fam if not me Caleb: I get not wanting to say it but I gotta ask, was there anyone else on the scene? Caleb: I know what I think but I need to hear it Ali: It was worst for you but Ali: it wasn't exactly easy to tell them Ali: I know they were all disappointed or disgusted or whatever else valid feelings but it wasn't fun Ali: No, no one else Caleb: We gotta tell them Caleb: Mine too Caleb: What's the story? What's the doctor said? Are you both good? Ali: Yeah, my blood pressure's a bit high but to be expected, I told him I ain't got no time to chill Ali: are you happy? Ali: do you think anyone will be? or have i had one too many to soon to get the congrats now Caleb: I'm gonna make time for you to chill Caleb: Swear down Caleb: Eu nunca estive mais feliz Caleb: And they'll be happy for us too. Trust Ali: That would be nice Ali: don't think I've stopped since I came here Ali: If they aren't, they aren't Ali: Its coming, like Caleb: I'll rush through what I gotta do here, be with you sooner Caleb: More I can do to take care of the bubs the more you can have that you time Caleb: I'm not slipping on you or this baby, you're gonna be all good Caleb: Gus'll throw us a party, he misses you like I do Ali: You don't need to do that, tho no shade to your cuz but some talent you just can't teach Ali: #natural Ali: I miss him too, I miss everyone Ali: Oh shit Ali: Has anyone told Ro? Did she even know Carly was pregnant Ali: We've not spoken much, I've tried to give her space, let her live her Uni dreams Ali: Fuck Caleb: You don't need to hype me but I'll allow it Caleb: yeah no lie I'm a bit scared about heading over gotta be done for my culinary arts tho like, keep the restaurant game fresh for my fam Caleb: Oh damn! Meena maybe? I dunno Caleb: She swerves me & everything happened fast Ali: You're gonna love it Ali: I've found so many amazing places already, I can't wait to show you Ali: Even Junie's trying new things Ali: I'll have to ask her, God I hope so Ali: If not, oddly maybe it'll be best coming from me? Seems wrong but Ali: she knows I was friends with Carly Caleb: That's my boy 💪💚 Caleb: I'm excited too, trust Caleb: yeah we all felt the love Caleb: Hope she didn't hear it from the wrong peeps but it'll be what it is Ali: I dread to think how fast the rumour mill be spinning Ali: Wankers Caleb: Least she got that distance Caleb: You're the furthest and closest Caleb: I hate that it's gotta be this way for you Ali: I'm just glad I got to know her Ali: I was lucky enough, none of them were so Ali: say what they like, they did when she was alive, like Caleb: I should've known her better Caleb: I knew what Drew was doing Ali: We all did Ali: what could we have done? stop him? stop her? Ali: they both made choices, even if they were poor ones, or made not in their best state and mind Caleb: True Caleb: I let him make a lot of bad choices, shit went on too long Caleb: It's not on me to pull him back anymore I got focus elsewhere Ali: You can't blame yourself for him Ali: its his to shoulder Ali: yeah, a lot of bad shit happened to him but, he's made a lot of it happen since Ali: not his excuse of a Ma Ali: she's not been around for a long time Ali: Meena still manages to be good and do the right thing, y'know? Caleb: Exactly Caleb: He's grown now and he needs to act it more than he's been Caleb: There are two kids in this Caleb: Behaving like her isn't what he wants but we can't do the changing for him Caleb: It wasn't on Carly to help me out with that either Ali: Right, though, clearly he won't acknowledge Edie unless I'm dead Ali: Fucked up thing to say but more fucked up that its real Ali: I know Ali: but she loved him, she wanted to Ali: he shoulda treated her so much better, she gave him everything she had and for what? Caleb: over my dead body would he mess that kids head and life up if you weren't here Caleb: it's not right Caleb: I don't feel I know him nowadays Ali: I know Ali: you're a better Dad to her than he could ever be Ali: just the truth Ali: I know Ali: its a shame but you and your fam have done all you can for him Ali: can only wait and see what he does now Caleb: I'd adopt her but I'm hoping against hope he'll wanna be her dad Caleb: But if not now when like? Caleb: Now he's got to take care of Indie alone that's the excuse he needs Caleb: shit man Caleb: he doesn't deserve either of those girls Ali: She'll know Ali: we don't need a piece of paper to make it official Ali: she feels the 💚 Ali: No matter what happens, we have to look after Indie too, okay? Ali: Make sure she's good Ali: Promise Caleb: I promise you Caleb: nothing's gonna happen to any of these kids on my watch Caleb: she'll feel the love too, all we've got Caleb: 5 babies or 15, gonna keep my word Ali: Same Ali: we're not doing a bad job, are we? Ali: I don't want to prove everyone right Caleb: We've been slipping but it'll be all good when we're together again Caleb: Better with you than without Caleb: And we've always done the bubs right no matter what Ali: Yeah Ali: You're right Ali: haters got me trippin' Ali: don't tell Caleb: I'll pick you up on the quiet Caleb: when you going to the doctors again? I'll time my trip so I can be with Ali: its not 'til next month Ali: so that should actually work out reasonably well? Caleb: Fated Ali: if not its only a checkup so its chill Ali: but we can aim for it Caleb: Sooner the better for me Caleb: Don't tell the kids I wanna show up and see them lose their shit like on the vids Ali: That will be too cute for words Caleb: forreal Caleb: Imma try and get Junie on the songs cos I got my girls to help me Caleb: he's already a chatterbox we halfway to it Ali: they've learnt this Malay nursery rhyme Ali: its sick, they're so good at it Ali: I'll let them show you when you come Caleb: they can teach me Caleb: gimme a leg up Ali: Yeah, and Mandarin Ali: like, you'd get along fine with English but its so much more fun and just respectful to try Ali: I want them to learn as much as they can whilst we're here Ali: and wherever else we end up Caleb: I feel that Caleb: I got an app on my phone but with everything that's been going down I haven't tried Caleb: Sampled some fusion cooking tho which'll be sick now I've got more peeps to get stuck into eating it Caleb: Getting a belly here Ali: 😍 Ali: oh I've missed you Caleb: won't have to for much longer 💚 Caleb: i'll be counting down them training days honest Ali: speaking of Ali: gotta run Ali: got class in an hour and best believe i need all this time to get those kids out the door Caleb: oh I be knowing Caleb: go get your genius on Ali: talk soon ✌ Ali: love you Caleb: te amo 💚💙💜

0 notes

johnnys-so · 7 years

Note

May I please request a college or uni senior Hyuk scenario? Thank youuu

A/N: I have three other hyuk scenarios other than this oh god im channeling all of my inner hyuk. i had to watch ridiculous hyuk videos on youtube just to get his character right. But so worth it.

uni senior hyuk would be the kind of guy that everyone knew of but nobody really knows him. do you know what i mean? he’s way more approachable than the 4th year senior hyungs like leo, n and ken but definitely not as self revealing as anyone would like

i imagine hyuk as a physics major, something related to science or architecture most definitely. he’s definitely got the brains for it. He also seems like the kind of student who makes it to the dean’s list or becomes the class representative or the vice president of a club. and even if he isn’t constantly in leader positions, he is very respectful and kind to his professors, which makes them all the more inclined to give him assistant positions and that’s how you first met him.

hyuk had walked into your class as a sophomore and you were immersed in the new book you were reading. he had casually passed on some announcement about assignments from the professor and walked out of class just as quickly, except he ran back into the class and straight to you, to mention that the professor had asked you to meet them. much like hyuk, the profs were kind enough to take you up for research and assistant positions when in need

you didn’t realise what was happening but this very bright senior with his black hair falling into his eyes was asking you if you understood what you had just said. honestly? you didn’t hear a word. the protagonist of the novel in front of you was too interesting to focus on the real world but you were sure whatever hyuk was saying was important. but just as you had gotten up the courage (and mind) to ask him to repeat himself, he was already out of the class. but ofcourse the girls around you had to make a big deal out of it. they mused about everything from his hair to his clothes o his hotness to how cool he was. all you could remember was that he strangely smelled like petrichor. and you loved it

you forget to actually ask him again and let the matter go until a week later when the professor meets you directly and asks you why you haven’t been showing up at the meetings?

wait what???

meetings???

and thats when the prof mentions that you were invited to a fairly exclusive club about research and were invited to the dean’s dinner! (im literally just making it up as we go im so sorry)

you finally make it to the club meeting only to realise that you’ve missed a series of them and hyuk’s the one leading it. just as you enter, he rushes you to just sit down and catch up and goes on and on about whatever they were discussing earlier. to be fair, you were utterly lost.

so you wait until everyone’s left, literally shaking in your chair from the nerves and slowly get up to talk to hyuk. hyuk looks goddamn amazing, you have to agree. he always wore comfortable tshirts or oversized hoodies or sweaters to college and that just made him all the more handsome. he had a very effortless beauty to himself that you couldn’t help but admire. if you weren’t so stressed with uni work and the idea of having missed out so many meetings because you FORGOT TO ASK HIM AGAIN, you would have actually admired the way his long fingers effortlessly arranged the papers on the desk into a neat pile. or the way one corner of his sweater was always lodged into the belt of his pants. or his nervous habit of biting his lips when he was distracted with work

but instead, you walk up behind him and begin slowly, “umm excuse me…” and hyuk literally WHIRLS around. hyuk has the grace of a tycoon tbh and he nearly knocks you out but thankfully, he grips your shoulders to balance you and you’re a bit shocked because you just went from nervous wreck to in startling close space with the cute uni senior dear lORD HELP YOU

“right haha sorry about that. how can i help you???/”

“sO… im extremely sorry but i have missed quite a few of these meetings -”

“yeah i noticed”

“-and its entirely my fault idk what ive been thinking -”

“no no its ok”

“–but im just super sorry and id love to help but everything you say goes over my head and i know i should get it god im sorry but -”

and by now hyuk’s heard you apologize for a complete set of 10 times since you entered the room and he is trying real hard to stifle a laugh but you make it so hard because you’re so cute and your hands are curling into a grasp and he desperately wants to straighten them out like the pile of neat papers on the desk behind him so he kinda does (this boi i mean)

he reaches out for your hands and holds them in his and stares at them almost wistfully as he says “you’ve got to stop this bad habit of starting with an apology” and when he looks up he nearly wants to kiss the living daylights out of you because the sun outside is setting and you’re in one of the oldest rooms of your uni and with the winter cold, you seem like the warmest most delicious thing in the room

so he puts all his effort into putting his hands into his pockets and offers to help you catch up with the meetings personally

what follows is a series of cafe dates where you both catch up on all the plans for the upcoming exhibition (think of it like a summit of sorts) and you realize he relies a lot on you for decisions and occasionally stops to hear what you think about his ideas so far

the dates begin as a very formal thing with both of you dressing very well and maintaining a respectful distance and only ever opting for the occasional coffee. but after the 4th or 5th meet you decide to try different coffees and your clothes become more relaxed with you turning up in your favorite sweater dress and your hair in a messy bun and your smile light and easy.

from there, you hit it off so well. though you’re all caught up he stlil offers to show you this one restaurant he really loves and “you’ve GOT to try the food you will CRY BECAUSE ITS SO GOOD” and you’re always up for a good challenge so you meet up for dinner after all your classes in your hoodies and stuff yourselves with food and drinks and chat late into the night.

by now both of you are very sure you’re attracted to each other because fuck how can you try and ignore him when he looks so good and he was definitely sure he lost all self control when you turned up so messy and bright in that sweater dress.

but its the dean’s dinner that does you in he shows up in the crisp white shirt, dress pants and a vest and you nearly lose it with his hair swept up like that and you’re in a cocktail dress and he can think of a 100 things to do with you and none of them should be spoken about in respectful company

and when the night draws on the old croak is making some stupid comments about his accomplishments in life that both of you could care less about, he whispers lazily “i cant wait to get out of these clothes” and you absent-mindedly reply “you look way better in comfortable clothing anyway” and he cheekily says “i half expected you to offer some help removing the clothes” and he doesn’t expect your answer but then

“i could. do you wanna leave and let me try?”

and thats how you end up in his apartment after sneaking out of the dinner with both your clothes lying on the floor and he’s kissing you like his life depends on it and maybe it kinda does because he literally ditched the dean for you wow

but after a solid make out session (and other things *ahem*) the rain is pouring cats and dogs outside and you get into one of hyuk’s huge shirts and he’s wearing just his track pants and the both of you are just sitting by the window, nursing a hot mug of coffee and listening to old songs and occasionally hyuk leans in to smell your neck and kisses the base of your throat and you realise

you’re uni life just got a whole of a lot better

YOU ARE WELCOME.

#hyuk #vixx #hyuk imagines #vixx imagines #uni!vixx

35 notes · View notes

wandering-system-of-a-time-lord · 6 years

Text

So tired still from therapy

I'm not really happy still its more of feeling very depressed and I had relapsed which I guess to most it sucks but to me its a meh. The therapy really did mess me up badly to where I am still messed up now. I dont know what to say about it but the fact is I was wearing a mask during the whole time. I was chatty some but thats because I was very nervous and my anixty had skyrocketed.

Currently as I am typing this out, I am very tired and I am unsure if I'll make it to dinner. Just sleepy... well more like I am still very drained from yesterday morning. I just wish I could get my med/s sorted out but I won't be able to until next month which kind of sucks?... I mean, my current antidepresssant is not working at all and I have given up on even trying to take it daily. I do mean even when I was taking it daily it did nothing but worse. I relapsed so much for a month and half since today. That's long the antidepressant stopped working. I have to wait until 2nd of Oct, then I can get the med/s sorted out.

I just dont like the fact that I can't even focus on anything at all. I bought new video games and yet I haven't played them. I just don't have the interest to play them. I don't want to do anything at all but sleep. I do go for my walks as long as the weather behaves and temp is nice. Otherwise I am stuck indoors from weather being a bitch by making it hot and so muggy or it will storming. But other than that, I don't do much anymore. I haven't did any exercises anymore too. Struggling to do simple things even to take care of myself is so draining. Problem....idiot doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand why its so hard for me to focus, to do something so simple, that I just want to sleep. He'll just get mad at me and complain and complain at me that I am lazy, a brat, spoiled, etc. Because to him, that's all he sees. He doesn't see how much trouble I am having just to live.

It's just not fair and he takes it out on me by being mad at me then sulking. -she sighs sadly- everytime he does that all it does is making me feel like shit. That I am worthless. That I am useless. That I am nothing. That everything is my fault and none is his or part of it. It really hurts. I am looking into unis in FL mainly then some in NV and in WA. I really hope that I be able to get into a uni in FL....in Southern FL. Just so I can be far away from the idiot. The idiot makes me hating my life daily. I'm just tired.

Besides all of that, currently therapy did drain me. Been over a decade since I went to therapy. I miss my Alters... I want my System back. Its so lonely inside. ITs so dark, wet from the rain and there's no daylight. The Dark Residents like to chase me around, then hurt me badly to where it actually affects me physically. Anyways guess I'll end it here for now. I might make it to dinner but if not oh well. I'm sooooo tired, I need a nap. - Time Lord Kiara

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociation life #alter #time lord kiara #timelordkiara #actuallymdd #major depression disorder #depression #rant

0 notes

burnt-fucking-bagel · 4 years

Text

i just need to rant

aaaaaaaaaaaa so the person im in love with lives 8 hours away in my hometown i left a while back for uni and ever since weve been messaging and getting cute w eachother n shit. n im ecstatic bc the person ive always idolized and fantasized about is finally reciprocating feelings and its great but its shit. she has bad depression and gets into funks every once in a while, she kinda has to deal with all her trauma all while trying to dodge new ones from all the shitty people in her life. for the most of the time since ive moved ive been going thru aloooot of shit and basically just trying to convince myself not to give up and just become a crackhead fulltime but ever since we started talking again ive been getting better, and ive noticed she has too at least a little. what i hate most about this is the fact that shes going through hell and all i can do is try to assure her shit will b ok thru phone when really i just want to hold her and kiss her forehead n shit b tell her she dont even gotta worry bout none of that shit. im straight up in love with her and i really csnt explain it except that i know it. the issue is that i need her to know that she isnt horrible or second best as she may beleive. i want her to be confident in wearing a turtle neck. i want her to smile when she looks in the mirror. i want her to focus on the good instead of toasting to the scorched past. i want her to feel better about herself. i want her to see what i see or at least give her an idea of what i see. i want to see her face light up in suprise as she says my name and gives me hug when i buy her flowers. i want her to know that not everythings completely bad and that not everyone in her life hates her. i want her to know that shes wanted and that shes full of worth. shes amazing and shes a beautiful goddess. shes passionate and determined. shes always tired and worn out and needs someone to hold her and tell her shes doing a good job. cause thats what we all need. motivation to know that its worth it. its important that we work on ourselves to better our health, and its my role to help her as much as i can. its what i owe her for all she does for me in my own happiness. shes the only one to make me feel this way and i want her tk experience it. i want her to know that she csn trust me and that i would never do anything to hurt her. shes so fuckin gorgeous. in 3 weeks ill b able to see her but i cant take it, i just need to be by her side. i need to hold her hand to know its there. I want to run my fingers through her hair and stare into her eyes. her beautiful piercing eyes. i want to b close to her.

0 notes

tomwestdesigns · 6 years

Text

Evaluation

Here is my final evaluation of negotiated studies, here I will go through the things that went well, things that didn't go too well and the things that I would have changed. Starting with the positive things during these projects.

When looking back at the projects I have learnt a lot more skills than I thought I had. My skills in after effects had improved and now know how to animate properly, I also learnt two new softwares in Adobe Premiere and Adobe XD which will help me in future for design. So i am quite proud that I pushed myself to learn these new skills. Now on to the projects and the positives, I enjoyed working in a collaboration with Katie and think we worked really well together. I am also really proud with the final out comes for the live brief, because I didnt think it was going to come out that well. Personally I think i met all the learning outcomes because the four outcomes were - Research, development , skills and collaboration. I researched all the things I needed to design in some detail and explained why I wanted it to work like that, Which I think was a good idea before starting any designs. For development I looked at every aspect and tried to think how I would make it better. A prime example would be when me and Katie were making the app, As none of us had ever used Adobe XD it was mainly trial and error, As can see in my previous posts the design element was a n issue because we didnt know what to make it look like, But the outcome turned out really well. Skills as said before I think I learnt a handful of new skills within Adobe After effects, XD, premiere pro and I also got all the bronze awards for graduate plus. And then not only did I do collaboration with Katie but I also worked with some photography students as well for the dogs trust brief. On the one day briefs I also worked with Harry and Billy on separate occasions worked together to come up with some ideas for the brief set. We worked well together and came up with some good final ideas but never took them further. So there are the outcomes and how I think I have achieved them.

The things that didnt work as well, As these projects were the same time as my dissertation, I wanted to focus more on my dissertation because writing isn't my strong point ( you might be able to tell while reading this blog) So i spent most of my time just writing the dissertation and not doing any design work, This became a problem because I felt like I needed to rush the projects to get them done and not finish them with full potential. It also put me under a lot of stress which was not needed. Another issue was I had really good ideas for the projects but they seemed to be abit too big but I didnt realise until the time. For example I wanted to do the whole music video, but when animating it I didnt realise how long it was actually going to take, thats why I ended up just focusing on the first minute of the song, this is due to me not really knowing much about animation or after effects also I wanted to get 3 projects done to a final and not focus all on one project. Another example would be for the dogs trust brief with me and Katie, We came up that we would do an app and an advert side by side, We didnt notice how long the app designing would have taken so we didnt get to manage to start the advert. It was kind of annoying because the idea was great but just didnt have the right time to complete it, But luckily the deadline for Dogs trust isnt until March so we still have got time to finish that as well so all is good.

I also feel that I struggled with maintaining direction during these projects; I found it difficult at times to source inspiration to be able to work from when conceiving ideas for my briefs, especially during my live brief. Whilst I did seek help for this throughout the project, I don’t feel that the responses I got helped me to progress my designs and ideas much. Working in a creative environment, I expected to be able to bounce ideas off my peers in order to inspire development, however this is probably what held me back the most during this particular brief, so in the future I would aim to gain constructive feedback on my work from a wider range of people so as to gain a more well-rounded insight into perceptions of my work and where it could be improved. Additionally, I intended to build on my skills by incorporating screen printing and embroidery into the Billigans brief, in order to explore the physical design elements of the uniform. However, these facilities at Uni were always in use and so I was unable to book in for sessions before my deadline for these projects. Obviously, this wasn’t something that could be resolved, it was just a case of bad timing, but in future projects I would hope to be able to revisit these skills again.

0 notes

wilberthartz6-blog · 7 years

Text

Brazen Garden Blunders.

Many individuals have turned to more regular procedures of recovery and also ache comfort in present years, particularly those who are disappointed along with the regular Western medications for various main reasons. I must likewise indicate that although the very first publication could appear to proclaim what occurred, you truly need to review all three books to find that this carries out not paint a delighted picture and shows why people should not take the road that I took. There words is actually as considerably a basic synonym of what is actually unusual when it comes to exactly what is untrue. There are actually so many other terms for folks with questionable preference that I ask yourself why our company emphasize spotting up a completely compliment along with all sorts of added undertones. But in some cases individuals don't seem to be to obtain that to true bad guys service is actually just that - company - that's not about status or even any of that other crap linked with this. I commonly listen to people refer to hip, pricey or conspicuous brand new fashion trends as pretentious." I guess that's ok if our company take the brand new meaning that some dictionaries are pushing, but in my book, that still doesn't reduce this. Simply an easy conversation in between the two people encouraged me enough to create a post based around that, and I am actually a single of plenty of folks that he talks with on a daily basis. Pretentiousness issues because of what it reveals regarding how your identification relates to every person else's. Many people start from scratch, work extremely hard with the most effective from intents as well as eventually end up being unconcerned or even irritated with their lack from development. The fifth game concentrates on Magenta's feelings toward Gray, each before and after the events of the previous games. Which was actually attained for a pair of year time frame along with me concerning HALF in and out of the video game simultaneously (you may certainly never really avoid this) and which operated greatly (type of) up until the time her mom and I split. Lots of people have actually created an unwavering pet eat pet dog" mindset regarding the globe, throwing stability to the wind for enhanced personal increase. If you cherished this article and you also would like to collect more info relating to mountains in wales list (simply click the following article) generously visit our own web-site. However, folks along with bipolar II usually have persistent depressions which can make coping really difficult. This struck me a few days ago that there are actually visiting be a LOT of pompous, egoistic, residing from daddy's amount of money and also possessing 4 A after being assembly-line pushed with some private school southerners at Uni. And this at a time when it is actually becoming a growing number of a common knowledge that people do not prefer to see advertisements (if they truly ever before performed!). However hello - as I feel I have to maintain pointing out and also reminding you people, the past is the past - I haven't become part of that planet for an extremely, long opportunity right now and also certainly never in a thousand years ever before want on going back to that. Yet the fact is actually the fact and also I know that it will definitely not just available numerous eyes - but also for a bunch of folks they will manage to relate to a lot from what takes place that this will make it a fascinating read for everyone. You might pass the stem with the fire or leave it in steamed water for 30 secs, after you reduced the stalk 2 inches below the end. Yet some individuals do not like it. the only thing that things concerning infants as well as davinci is actually guesswork on your part. Yes, I assume our team may all of agree they are just one of the most pretentious factors in the world. To recommend an individual is actually pretentious is actually to claim they are actually acting in techniques they're not obtained by means of take in or even financial status. Because of this, pretentiousness has come to be a go-to bogeyman and a remarkably virulent put-down. Pretentious Game 1 as well as 2 focus on Blue as he pines for Magenta, that is oblivious to his sensations for her as well as ends up getting married to Gray, and also tries to move on through meeting along with Peach. Bipolar I is looked at the more extreme disorder as a result of the extreme crazed state of minds and the fact that some folks lose touch along with reality. Along with the classic definition, the only way a fashion might be referred to as pompous is if that is actually suggested to point out something specific regarding the wearer that remains in simple fact untrue. Inform an individual that their passion in speculative literary works, avant-garde music, modernist architecture, or fashion design is actually pretentious (and also only for the mid courses) is to refute the probability that intellectual curiosity may equate right into social movement. The accuser from allegation - typically assuming on their own to be the true offer, in things of a taught as well as discriminating mind - thinks that in another place around the world there is actually a legitimate write-up that the pompous trait or even individual desires be, but is actually disappointing or exaggerating this. These are all extremely evident and also weary position strategies that many astute potential customers understand. This might work from time to time as well as get you some perks, yet generally it's a silly, evident activity and also as our company each understand, it doesn't function! But claims to ordinariness and salt-of-the-earth virtue are themselves pretentious. Completely accountable, completely effective, totally measurable, and also absolutely being without some of the pretentious communications rubbish therefore loved by the ad agency planet that carried out solve, and also will have advanced, in to the perfect option for everybody within the advertising mix. Originally this was visiting be actually a 12-step system, but this is actually not that complicated, thus pushing 12 come in itself appeared extremely pompous. Pretentiousness shares with complexity a hanging around sense from unnaturalness"; one thing faked, professing, tampered with. Pretension sets the amateur against the professional in a video game rigged through practice, credentials as well as institutional approval. It is actually certainly not a game for anybody that loathes this when factors are left up in the air and also those which perform have problem locating their own tale in the course of the process from playing the game. Eventually youll beginning encountering words like bombastic, a qualifier that explains somebody being actually pretentious or even utilizing foreign language thats swollen-headed, like authorities in authorities or even wrestling tremendously celebrities throughout their programs. I do not believe that is actually as large of a deal as this seems to be that individuals are actually defrauding prosperous people in to getting crappy art that dupes suggestions of much more exciting artists. That is actually considering that he does not view themself as some hoity-toity, snooty, pompous author. I really feel that along with many wonderful personalities throughout the book that everyone will be able to find someone they can easily associate with. I likewise experience this are going to be the case as the handful of people that have read it up until now all have possessed various characters for whom they have related to individually or even loved or maybe detested. Yet I was actually merely younger, dumb and means in front of where ought to possess been at that phase in the game. The orchids are going to enhance your place for 1 or 2 weeks, possibly much more, if you deliver them the best circumstances. Alongside his various other pair of Compact discs he's performed the Grammy award ballots in 18 categories for 4 away from the last 6 years. Yet, the limits within the internal circle-where we are actually polite basically all the time-impede us. None people could be pompous for extremely lengthy; we all despise such deceit.

0 notes