#never thought about this till now

[shakingparadigm]

what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?

It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:

During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.

Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.

I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:

I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.

The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.

This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.

The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.

I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.

#ivan u fucked up little guy. #also okay i just wanna clear this up #i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits #but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi” #I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED. #i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3 #the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him #but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated #there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is #this isn't me condoning his actions #but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die #plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires #especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile) #thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict #“sure and unsure at the same time” #there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him #his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway #uh i need to shut up i think #anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk. #in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him. #SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY #alnst #alien stage #alien stage ivan #alnst ivan #asks

[ftm-radio]

me whenever I hear about a friend feeling euphoric & having their gender validated:

#😤💕 #my friend u deserve ALL the euphoria #(everybody who sees this can have a lil bit too but most of it goes to my friend its their turn to have the gender euphoria) #ftm radio #transgender #trans #gender euphoria #trans positivity #skeleton #ohhhhh thats ghost rider innit. never really thought about it till now lmao 😂

[mstrchu]

can someone else please please look at this set of images before i go insane

#nezha reborn #LOOK AT HIM he is literally just... a kid...... looking for some comfort from his dad............ #it's about to be 0 days since our last nonsensical overly emotional post about li yunxiang #it was never that lyx didn't care about what his father thought or didn't want for his approval because he does want it. he does care. #it was just something he accepted he wouldn't have as long as he continue to choose to do what he thought was the right thing #and the 'right thing' was important enough to him to give up on his dad's support #which says something about how important the 'right thing' is to lyx #and up till now it was fine because it affected no one but him #(and if you think about it it is kind of a very immature and idealistic mindset #because if he had gotten caught doing his little smuggling and property destruction it 100% would have affected his family #but i like that i think it's part of his character.. anyway....) #but now his refusal to do what his dad wanted him to do - get a normal job and keep his head down - is like. actively hurting his family #and altho it was the right thing and he couldn't have predicted that ao bing would go completely nuclear #or that the de group would send assassins after him because of the whole reincarnation business #you could say that kasha and li jinxiang's injuries are a direct result of him refusing to just roll over and sell ao bing his motorcycle #(which i think is exactly what ljx was gonna say before he got bodied by that monster truck lol) #and in this moment when he has effectively just put 2 of the people closest to him in the hospital #i think he can't help but look for a little comfort from his dad because he feels so so guilty and confused and upset #but he gets that door shut in his face and he's reminded that he had chosen to not have that #that he had made choices that led to this being the reality of his relationship with his dad. and he is supposed to be ok with that #and then he falls back on his anger and the moment is sort of over but like #bro... at this point li yunxiang has no one bro.... #L + ratio + kasha and brother in the hospital + dad can't even look at you + dead mom + separated from extended family when you fled the wa #+ no close friends your own age #and it makes me sad because lyx must have been pretty close to his dad when he was little #i think this + the moment where he's outside the door listening to his dad talk #just fuels the miasma of guilt #guilt over his own actions. guilt over nezha's actions. questioning if he is or ever was making the right choices #but also it's not about any of that it's just about how huge and wet his eyes look here amen

[swagging-back-to]

lying to a kid about if theyre adopted should be classified as abuse and no j am not joking

#abused adoptee #adoption #adoptee voices #to clarify i was never lied to. i knew as early as i can remember #but i work with a kid who was raised thinking her mother was her older sister. #shes seemingly chill about it but you can tell #and even so thats just so fucked up #you hear of people finding out through dna tests #of the adopters waiting till (specific) birthday to tell them -- usually after 18. #im sure even people who arent adopted can sympathize with how awful that would be #to find out your entire life is a lie overnight #especially for medical concerns. all the medical history yourlve come to accept as fact (grandma has diabetes aunt judy has dementia etc) #is suddenly wrong. now you dont know what you are or arent predisposed to. you dont know what tests you shouldve taken #your ancestry and ethnicity could be wrong #i knew i was adopted but they never told me i was hispanic. they kept it from me. #i thought i was pure british like them because im not super tan and have blonde hair #sometimes it's done under the guise of 'keeping peace'or 'saving them from the burden of knowing' #but really--it's all about control #most people dont like to talk about it but a good portion of adoptive situations involve control freaks. #this is from my own personal experience #almost every adopter i know is a control freak. #half of the adopters i know personally adopted just for the manual labor and a scape goat. #this is what my adopters did #to completely take away someones truth and deny them their own history--even after youve taken their legal rights. #oftentimes youve taken their entire names #like that is so vile #it really is #adoptees deserve the right to know theyre adopted. to know their biological familys medica history (if possible) #to be able to contact their biological family if they choose so #to be able to denounce the adopters as their parents or family

[iamfabiloz]

THIS WORLD IS SO CRUEL... NO SYMPATHY FOR THIS POOR SOUL!!!!

edit: I ended up getting it… peace and love on planet earth

#codysight noises #being over dramatic bc a seller on etsy closed shop for a bit and I WAS ABOUT TO BUY THE MEGATRON BODY PILLOW THEY WERE SELLING #IM SO UPSET AND DEVASTATED #i was hyping myself up and excited bc i wanted it so badly and my dad said we could buy it today but #IT WAS NOT TO BEEE #im looking at one of those booby mouse pads of bowser tho so WAA maybe thatll fill my heart rn #u dont know how heartbroken i am #I WANTED TO HUG PILLOWTRON #I WAS LITERALLY KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING at the thought of getting it #this is my thirteenth reason #venting #I GUESS??? #biting clawing kicking #i should have bought it yesterday kmssssssss #the pillow was so good quality and had mtmte megs on the front and tfp megs on the back butt view #IT WAS SO COOL I GRAHH #never wanted smth so badly and no it gone for an indeterminate amount of time #ill never be complete till its in my arms being snuggled NOW I UNDERSTAND PPL WHO LIKE MERCH OF THEIR SILLIES #i dont even have it atm and i already so emotional over it #why am i crying n tearing up over this HELP MEBAH

[ollies-moving-castle]

dude I just remembered that one time my school had a bomb threat

I learned about it the next day from like two of my friends

it was a false alarm and there was no bomb

but we had a police officer there at school like almost everyday for the rest of the year

#People ask why I hate school shooting jokes #Even some Americans #It’s cuz it’s a bit to real sometimes #Cuz my school had some threats #Like multiple #I never knew about them till like the next day #I just thought it was teacher meetings #HAHA NOPE #and like they would say it so casually #They being my friends #So now everytime I think about it even if it is a joke it like scares me almost #Like it’s a weird feeling #I don’t like the jokes #Most of the time I ignore them but sometimes it hits nerves and I black out and just start talking #I probably shouldn’t do that tho #But I do #unfortunately

[your-girl-circe]

Study the law cause n effect in life as well and see what effect life gave you after every action you choosed.I still can't understand how the most sad, dark and struggle situations lead me to this path.

#I believe there's hope 🙏🏻 #circe #be happy for every bad and good moment u experienced in life #these experiences determine who u are now #be proud for every dark situation bcs all that made u fighting till today #never feel shame and never compare #about three years ago I had suicide thoughts and now I'm fighting

[coloursofaparadox]

im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen. #if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods! #namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever. #like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will???? #and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that. #anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now. #(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status. #shits weird.

[shakingparadigm]

this is random but one of my favorite ALNST joke OCs is a girl who had a massive crush on Ivan and was able to date him for a little while because he felt bored enough to accept her. what follows is the most excruciating insanity inducing half-relationship in existence (they lasted 3 weeks before she gave up trying to understand him)

#her name is saya!! saya ng #she had the biggest crush on ivan and when she asked him out he said yes in the most casual way ever that she thought he was joking #the whole time they're “together” she's nervously looking away and blushing while ivan's eyes are trained on that gray haired boyfail there #whenever she'd ask to do couple things with him like hold hands or eat together he'd comply for a little while #but then he'd say something important came up and that he had to leave #she understood because of course! he's a top student surely hes busy no worries #he always seemed to have a wall up. smile never faltering but never fully genuine either #he always looked at her like he was seeing past her and not like he was looking at her person #he was a good and charming conversationalist but even though she got to spend more time with him #it never really felt like a “relationship”. more like two people roleplaying the actions of a relationship #because ivan was so closed off #she started noticing till more all because ivan kept noticing him #and she noticed how he seemed to change when he noticed till. like tills presence was enough to rewire his brain #she quickly realized she was nobody next to him and broke it off #anyways she got sent home because she wasn't good enough to graduate (she wasn't particularly good at anything) #she watched all her friends (dotori/acorn #round 3 and 4 kids) #die on screen #and when she's sent to a different singing competition she loses and dies #her name saya ng combines to make the word sayang #which in my language means: a waste #okay. this was supposed to be funny but now that im saying it #it low-key sounds kind of diabolical #by the way this idea is inspired by the Patreon info about ivan #(he CANONICALLY would accept anyones confession if he was bored enough. V and Q said that theyd tire of ivan being so closed and mysterious) #imagine being in the “recovering from dating ivan” club #alnst #random

[bcofl0ve]

should have been prepared for how ridiculously sad going down a gay men in wwii research rabbit hole for fic research would make me. so many people treated so horrifically with their sacrifices for their country given no merit- some of what i’m reading is gen making my stomach twist 🙁

#i used to want to go into the hiv/aids niche of public health #so ive done a great deal of reading about the aids epidemic and hold gay elder histor #very dear to my heart #but for some reason i never thought to read about this era till now #💔 #such brave brave people in the face of such hate #with not even a smidge of the protection they’d *somewhat* have today #history #wwii #mollie watches mota

[flimflix]

thinking back when I was 17 just about to turn 18 and I quite literally got into a scott pilgrim situation where I got into a not at all real relationship with a 24 year old woman that ended less then 2 months later. the whole time she wasn't taking it serious in the slightest and I didn't know any better, think it ended the moment I told her i was developing real feelings for her

#i've really never thought about it much till recently #i feel like this has gotta be part of the reason i have so much trouble meeting someone now

[deathfavor]

me realizing Hanma's phone is like a tome for the dead or absent because he likes take photos and videos sometimes. So he's always carrying them around with him. He doesn't look at them often though, but theyre there. If he's ever had a good bond (or one sided where he likes to mess with them) then they're probably there on his phone. And that just...

#mobile ooc #I've never thought about it till right now #And that's...oof

[cappyjara]

seeing the mario movie in like an hour letsa gooooooo

#id in alt text #i can Finally stop dodging spoilers now holy shit #i may not show it but i am a mario bros stan till i die #and i apologize in advance for the person i will become if the movie is good. its gonna do Something to my brain chemistry i just know it #like ok the sonic movie right? ive mentioned how i really liked those movies before right? well #going into it i a)had little attachment to sonic aside from just thinking hes neat and b)wouldnt have been shocked if it was bad #so when it was Good i was pleasantly surprised and found a new appreciation for the series #but mario?hes my good friend. my special little guy. the short king to rule them all. you dont know How Many hours ive put into mario games #and theres already been One bad mario movie. and this ones being made by illumination. and the whole crisp rat thing(still kinda salty btw) #idk man my guy needs a w here. he needs somethin good goin for him in the film department #and while ive been dodging spoilers what ive seen so far has been fairly positive??? but that doesnt mean i cant be worried abt it #yallre lucky im not constantly blogging my every thought here or else youd never hear the end of the same 3 thoughts about mario and luigi #smb #super mario #mario movie #capital says things #my edits

[acoldfrenchfry]

Something great about adulthood is that you literally never have to be around people who don't respect you ever again. If you're unhappy with your friend circle/family? you can just leave and you'll be that much better and healthier. Don't like yourself? you can make a new self. Google is free and your life is customizable. Don't like who you are? then don't be that person lmao. You can just change. Make those choices, decisions, and meds to get you there. no one's gonna do it for you n you can't help people who don't want to be helped, which includes yourself.

n I know a lot of this takes time and money, but you gotta start somewhere. even just having a plan of action helps. Knowing what you wanna work on and who you wana be/people you want to hang out with. That's where it's at. Literally just do it. "idk if i'm ready" then do it unready. I didn't know how to move out transition pay bills dye my hair register my car move in with my partner get a better job change my name literally anything to do with a courthouse change my credit shave my face until i just. Free balled it by my damn self. No family support no pity party. I'm not waiting around for people who say sorry 10 billion times but continue to not be better anymore. Don't make yourself palatable for other people, be free bitches ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

#xcuse the rant. just been thinking about how much better i feel without the people in my life who were bad for me #thinking about the time i got in a fight w/ my (now) ex over thanksgiving #how i was expected to out myself to my ex's homophic transohobic bigoted family. and just be fine with it #“you have to be the bigger person“ ”It's lying to them to not tell them you were deadname and now you're Oli" #n i thought actually? i literally dont have to be around anyone who makes me unsafe bc thats the exact thing i escaped from my own family #dont like feeling like a showcase animal 'look at my trans boyfriend' so someone else can be visibly queer around me #dont like feeling like a problem that every1 else has to deal w/so poor old bigoted family wont die of heart attack bracing for my presence #made me feel like shit n i had to basically beg for an apology for over an hour bc i felt unheard hurt and unsupported. #n you know what i got told? “Thats not how it is youre wrong” after saying i feel unheard 7 times in a row. dont tell me how i feel #wanted to break up right then and there n my only regret is wanting to wait till the holidays were over #there is only so many “sorry i forgot” that i can forgive and i forgave way too many times. very convenient that things forgotten was never #once my exs identity feelings or safety #but when MY feelings MY identity MY safety and my CONSENT get forgotten about? nah man. im out of i forgive yous. it happened soo many time #i rlly dont have to be around people who dont treat me right. i dont exist to make other people better that is on YOU to be better #olive speaks

[sleepyjuniper]

Do you ever wonder how many people have post notifications on for you

#i know there's a few people who do because they like my posts five seconds after i hit send #but like. never really thought about it till now

[yeyayeya]

Last of my nonsense, Lewyn/Dithorba?

Lewyn/Dithorba is so galaxy brain to me you have opened my fourth eye wtf. My first thought on them is that they would have a kind of rough and rocky relationship at first because of the whole schtick with Dirhorba being on the opposing side and wanting a better future for Silesse and whatnot. Lewyn to me gives me little bitch vibes and with someone like Dithorba the image is kinda funny to me.

I would also like to hear your thoughts on them as well because it’s so random (not really) but it makes complete sense to me. I would also like to hear your thoughts on why and how you started shipping them.

#yeyarants #Yeya asks #fire emblem #fe #fe4 #Jugdral #fire emblem genealogy of the holy war #genealogy of the holy way #fe genealogy of the holy war #Lewyn x Dithorba #Dithorba x Lewyn #I’m a basic bitch cause one of my fav ships of fe4 is Lewyn/Erinys #if its canon it’s a 50/50 chance I’ll ship it #i know it’s not technically but you know what I mean #I’ve never thought about Lewyn/Dithorba till now #I’m gonna have too brainrots with the amount of ships you guys throw my way #ships i never considered before