#my thoughts are a jumbled mess rn ok

[rapidhighway]

Not enough possession in sonic we gotta change that

#broooo #my brains not been right for a while rn but when im normal again i hope ill do it #as a casgirl and a meggirl i feel i have to do it #i have to get someone possessed #i will give them the teen wolf s3 moment istg #i hope #I've been so out out if recentlyyyyy i really want to make somethinggg #my thoughts are a jumbled mess rn ok #but whatever #scrapnik island almost gave it to me #also have yall seen son1c's prime au with the boscage maze? perfection #i need demons in sonic im so sorry

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hi!!!!! Once again THANK YOU sm for the FOOD like i've reread all ur fics again while waiting for my hair to set hehe it's just. a really great way to pass time and think abt the fluff and the sin <3

AND ummmmmm not to also jump in the bandwagon but. im feeling... 😳😳😳 rn and would like to request for a 5'1 catgirl!reader with gp!Marilyn OR Laurel if that's okay 👉🏻👈🏻

Basically Reader doesn't realize she's going into heat (IT'S HER FIRST TIME & SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS EVEN A POSSIBILITY BUT OHHHH BOY) but Mari/Lau notices and teases her throughout the week with indulging her being more affectionate but then the heat smashes into reader like a freight train and she's left a mewling mess for her Mommy!!!!

like help she's full on NEEDY for Mari/Lau but she's MEAN and teases Reader further and Reader goes "if you don't want me, I guess I'll just to go out and see who wants me! >:(" to trigger Mari/Lau's possessiveness & Mari/Lau rising to the bait BC READER IS HER KITTY & NO ONE ELSE'S LIKE. hhhhh hhHhHhhHh NUH UH, YOU'RE MINE 🔪

AND HELP also Mari/Lau going "Aw, does my dumb little kitty cat need Mommy to breed and fill her up her own kittens? Is that what you want?" while Reader just a drooling mess underneath her IS CURRENTLY LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE AND IM JUST. CLENCHING MY FISTS SO HARD. like PLEASE,,,,,,,,, bestie,,,,,, if ur ok with this req and write it I will literally owe u my life thank u sm 🫂

PS: feel free to go ham with the breeding & dumbification kink bc im literally biting down on one of my stuffed toys rn just thinking abt it and WAHHHH once again, thank you 😳💕

Yesss!!!! Here it is!!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! It was so funny to write it!! Thank you for your request!!!! <3 <3

Poor Kitty

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill x Fem, Student, Cat girl! Reader

Warnings: Smut, Intersex Marilyn (She has a dick) several kinks, heat, teasing, blowjob…

Word count: 5,181

Summary: You were a cat girl, and you have many needs, maybe your lover can fulfill your desperate desires…

N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!!

“Shit, it's hot,” you whispered.

You were in the library, doing what you had to do, homework, study...

But you were finding it much more complicated than usual. It was supposed to be winter, it was supposed to be cold, but you were sweating while chills of unknown origin ran through your body. It was hard for you to focus, there was too much noise in your head, a noise that didn't come from outside, there was no one in the library, and those strange sounds could only come from inside you, purrs that you were afraid someone besides you would hear.

Purring was something common in you. You were a cat woman, something like a werewolf, but without problems with the full moon and increased aggression. You were simply, according to what your companions said: Just a kitty.

You knew you could be fearsome if you thought about it, that if you transformed you could rival even the fiercest werewolf. You weren't interested. Your only worries were your studies. You were always a very good student and you made your parents proud. You just had to be careful about maybe a ball rolling on the ground or some small animal in the forest did not attract your attention so much as to distract you.

The book in front of you turned into a jumbled, blurry array of letters. You were unable to read it. Nervously, you ran your hand over your trembling leg, and the sensation produced an unexpected reaction.

“Meow,” you meowed unintentionally, putting your hand over your mouth and looking around embarrassedly. There was nobody there, much to your relief.

Normally you were quite capable of controlling those small impulses. You were proud that you weren't a howling, restless mess like your fellow werewolves. That day you felt strange. Simply with your hand touching your body all your senses went crazy. You were always quite sensitive, but never so sensitive as to lose control.

Some footsteps coming from the stairs took you out of your thoughts and the strange nervousness you had was accentuated even more.

Luckily for you, it wasn't one of your classmates from Nevermore, it was one of your teachers, your favorite teacher, Marilyn Thornhill.

The redhead came down the stairs with her usual smile and immediately noticed your presence. You stared back at her, feeling your heart beating faster and the disconcerting heat inside you growing.

The woman tilted her head as she walked over to a secluded bookcase, motioning for you to follow her. You didn't even have time to think about your next move. Dragging the chair with a nasty creaking, you got up and went with her.

You turned the corner and there she was, pretending to look at some old books. You approached cautiously, looking around you. As if on automatic impulse, you wrapped your arms around her waist and rested your head on her back.

The heat you had increased, but at that moment all you thought about was her. Marilyn laughed softly and turned around, taking your hand.

“Hello, honey…” She whispered in your ear. After glancing to either side of her briefly, she leaned her head towards you and placed her lips on yours. A desperate moan came out of your mouth. It wasn't a meow, it was a sound you couldn't remember ever making.

When you arrived at Nevermore, the last thing on your mind was having an affair with one of your teachers. For you, those kinds of relationships were fiction, things that only happened on a tv screen. After whole afternoons in the conservatory and funny talks, that nice teacher-student relationship crossed the line it wasn't supposed to cross.

It was a forbidden, clandestine relationship, based on kisses, hugs and whispered words of love. You were madly in love with Marilyn and she knew it and enjoyed seeing your eyes begging for a kiss, for a caress.

The kiss was not meant to be what it became. Agitated and terribly nervous, you deepened the kiss, causing the redhead to widen her eyes in surprise as your tongue entered her mouth moving mercilessly.

You didn't know why you were doing it. It was just like your instincts were guiding your actions. You were a shy girl and you never asked for more than Marilyn seemed to want to give you, but with each passionate kiss, with each brush of your body against hers, that strange state you were in seemed to subside.

“Honey, honey…” Marilyn said when her back collided with a self. You didn't listen to her, you kept kissing her, caressing her, while your purring became more and more evident. “Honey, what's wrong with you?”

Her hand went to your chest to stop you before you started another round of merciless kissing. Involuntarily, you snorted at the loss contact, causing her gaze to turn curious. With severe difficulty, you managed to relax and shook your head, embarrassed by your enthusiasm. You were not yourself, all the kisses you gave her gave you a strange pleasure and you almost lost control.

“I…I…I'm sorry,” you said, with your cheeks red and your breathing fast and disordered. Marilyn smiled, shaking her head slightly.

“(Y/N), you know we have to be careful…” She told you, caressing your cheek.

Every time her skin brushed against yours, millions of electrical impulses made your pupils dilate and you had to fight the urge to jump at her neck again.

“I know, it's just that…” You said, keeping your composure, putting distance between her and you to avoid the temptation.

“Are you okay? You're sweating,” she told you, looking at you now with some concern.

You shook your head and sighed. Your heart was pounding, your purrs were loud, and the heat you felt was becoming unbearable.

“No… I don't know what's wrong with me. I was calmly studying and suddenly I started to sweat...”

“Do you want to go to the infirmary, honey?” She asked affectionately, putting her hand to your forehead. Her breathing was also fast, you were able to realize that.

“Meow,” you meowed again, covering your mouth immediately after. The brush of her hand against your skin made you lose control. She pulled away and frowned at you, carefully studying your condition. “I'm sorry…”

Marilyn was looking at you curiously. Her eyes changed in an instant, turning slightly dark.

“I think I know what's wrong with you…” She whispered, getting a little closer to you. Her hands went to your waist and her lips kissed yours again.

There were too many sensations to be able to control. You pressed against her as you deepened the kiss, you wanted to feel all of her body, all of her warmth. Little by little the chills increased and an overwhelming heat began to form between your legs. Marilyn pushed you away again, but this time with a petulant gesture.

“What's happening to me? It's a feeling I've never felt before...” You said, ashamed of your erratic and passionate behavior. The redhead smiled mischievously.

“It's pretty obvious,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Obvious?” You asked, starting to get very nervous. Marilyn agreed.

“Of course, just look at you...” She said, amused, pointing at you.

You looked at yourself. You were a sweaty mess purring desperately. You didn't quite understand what she was referring to, and worst of all, you couldn't take your eyes off her dress, where a rather obvious bulge had formed.

“I still... I still don't understand anything...” You said nervously, closing your eyes.

“My love, you are in heat. I've had enough cats to know that.”

You opened your eyes and you were speechless.

Your parents had told you that it could happen, but the years went by and you never had that feeling, so you had completely forgotten about it.

Even as a human girl, your feline counterpart often took over your feelings without the need for you to transform. Apparently, heat was one of those feelings.

“Oh…” You said with flushed cheeks. “I don't know what to say…”

Marilyn approached again, curiously watching the reactions your body had with her caresses. It seemed that the way your hair stood on end and your body trembled desperately was amusing her.

“You don't have to say anything, honey, it's normal, you don't have to be ashamed,” she said to you with a loving voice, a tone of voice that even under normal circumstances made you tremble.

“I feel like I'm going to explode… What can I do to stop feeling like that?” You asked, instantly regretting it. You weren't an idiot, you knew the answer.

“Do I really have to answer?” She said, laughing, with a tender look.

You shook your head and, checking that the library was still empty, you rushed to her lips again, this time with more desperation. You didn't know if it was the right time, but you needed it, you needed something that you hadn't considered in the last few weeks, you needed her.

Marilyn kissed you back, trying to keep you as still as possible. You, with a too indiscreet meow, kissed her neck. The redhead was panting, but she barely moved, letting you do everything you wanted, almost everything. Your hand moved down between her legs, where her arousal throbbed, wanting to come out. Immediately her hand stopped yours, grabbing your wrist.

“What are you doing?” She asked with a sigh. Her breathing was also disordered, and she didn't seem to want to lose control. You barely heard her voice, your head imagined what it would be like to feel her inside you, how pleasant it would be for her to take you, to fill you up...

“I… Well… I…” You stammered. She laughed again, shaking her head.

“Honey, I'm very flattered but…” She said, looking at you determinedly. “I, I don't think it's the best time, nor the best place.”

You meowed again, going crazy to try to silence your own instincts.

“I thought…” You whispered, trying to calm yourself down with all your might.

“You have to be patient, honey,” she told you, pulling you into a warm hug. It would be a loving, romantic gesture, if you didn't feel her arousal digging into your body. Marilyn seemed to notice and she backed away in embarrassment. “Sorry, (Y/N), my body sometimes seems to think for itself. Come, I'll make you an infusion so you can relax, okay?”

You nodded, feeling enormous frustration. Your need didn’t change after that infusion. It would be a terrible week for you.

There was nothing that could ease that tension. Your encounters with Marilyn were still just as pure. Sometimes you thought she was amused by seeing you desperate, seeing how you begged for her to take you. At first you thought it was your imagination, but her kisses and her caresses, her most common gestures of affection were much more intense and she smiled, she always smiled.

You no longer felt ashamed, your need was so great that you asked her directly. Marilyn just laughed, shaking her head, saying that the time would come soon, that you would have to hold on a little longer. Your despair increased every day and your meows and purrs began to affect your academic life, interrupting classes and unleashing teasing from your classmates.

A week had passed and the cold showers and the walks and hunting moments in the woods were no longer useful for anything. You knew what you wanted and the only woman who could give it to you seemed to mock you. You loved Marilyn n and she loved you, you didn't understand why to make you wait amused her, why she enjoyed seeing how your body begged, a docile body, that would let her do what she wanted, you would be a rag doll for her.

“And put that one in that corner,” the redhead told you, while you placed some pots where she was indicating. You always obeyed, hoping that this sudden extreme submission would make her please, make her please you.

“It's already done...” You whispered, controlling your trembling. You couldn't help it, every time you looked at her you had those visions, those uncontrolled desires. It didn't matter how many times you masturbated, that wasn't enough, your body wanted her.

“Great,” Marilyn said, clasping her hands together, satisfied.

You agreed. Your body trembled and sweated, your pupils were dilated. You could barely speak normally, every three words, you would meow. You had to do something.

“Marilyn…” You said in a low voice, without looking at the redhead.

“Mm?” She murmured, cutting a few small leaves from a plant.

“I...I, I can't bear it anymore...” You said, slowly approaching her desk.

“What's wrong, honey? Have I made you work too much?” She asked, completely ignoring the true meaning of your words.

“That's not what I mean…” You whispered, suppressing another meow. “I'm having such a hard time...”

She looked at you and made a fake sad face.

“Oh, my love, come here,” she told you, extending her hand for you to take.

You obeyed her, feeling a rush of warmth as her hand gently gripped yours. Your heartbeat quickened again and your breathing was rapid, sonorous. The purring was not long in coming.

“Sit down,” She ask you, pointing to her lap. You carried out her order immediately. That was even worse, you'd rather she told you not to go back to the conservatory, to break up with you, than to be sitting on her lap, so close to her, your most desperate desire.

“My poor kitty…” She whispered into your ear, grabbing your hips to place you with your legs on either side of hers. “You’re having a hard time”

You nodded, letting yourself go. Little by little, your hips began to sway, rubbing against her body. She did nothing, she just laughed tenderly, seeing how you melted with that little contact. As if evil had taken over her, she emitted a subtle and very erotic moan in your ear, while the touch intensified. Her body was responding quickly and soon you felt her arousal rubbing against your needy center.

That sensation was completely new and dangerously exciting. You moved automatically, seeking as much contact as possible. Marilyn kissed you, caressed you, while she gently followed the rhythm of your hips.

You could feel it, you were so close that you lost control completely, moving desperately and not being able to suppress a considerable amount of meowing.

“Please... Meow... I... Meow... I need... Ple... Meow... Please,” you said almost crying. She looked at you surprised and ran her hand up your legs, under your uniform skirt. Your wetness was overwhelming and she seemed to find that so funny.

“Shhh… Calm down, (Y/N), does this relieve you?” She whispered to you, passing her hand through your folds, over your underwear.

You moaned strangely. No one had ever touched you there. It looked like what you wanted, but it wasn't enough, you knew it, and so did she. You didn't want her to stop. Among more desperate meows, you agreed, while her caresses became slower and slower.

“Very good, honey…” The redhead whispered. “You're a good kitty...”

Saying those words, she pulled her hand away and with a gentle push, she pushed you off of her. You groaned in frustration and tears began to run down your cheeks.

“What?” You asked, your purrs completely drowning out your words. “Why? I, I liked it…” You said desperate, trying to return to her lap. She got up, pointing to the clock on the wall.

“It's time for dinner, (Y/N), I don't want you to be late,” she said as if nothing happened, with that tone and that mocking smile that became too frequent that week.

“Meow…” You meowed, before clearing your throat to be able to speak clearly. “Why are you doing this to me?”

She looked at you surprised.

“Doing what, my love?” She asked with an innocent voice.

“You know it perfectly…Meow,” you stammered. “You do nothing but make fun of me. I just want you to love me, to want me... you know what I'm going through and you know what I need.”

“(Y/N), haven't I relieved you a bit?” She asked mockingly.

You snorted, incredulous and stopped to think. You needed it badly, you needed it desperately like you'd never felt before, and your body was going crazy.

“I'm sick of your games,” you said, hissing, suppressing the trembling of your body. “You know what I tell you? If you don't want me, I'll find someone who does,” you said without looking at her, going to the conservatory door.

Marilyn didn't say anything, but her expression told you that those words made something move inside her.

“What did you just say?” She asked in a dangerous tone, stopping you from leaving  with a strong grip on your wrist.

“You heard me. I'm tired of waiting... I'll look for someone who doesn't laugh at me and gives me what I need,” you said defiantly. Marilyn pulled you hard in front of her. Her look was not that of the tender and sweet botany teacher, her eyes were cold, threatening.

“How dare you talk to me like that, you filthy kitty?” She hissed, grabbing your hair and yanking it hard. “I don't care how desperate you are, you're still mine, you hear me?”

You widened your eyes. That possessive attitude surprised you for a moment, but soon you began to enjoy what you had achieved. It was the button you had to push to get on her nerves, to make her realize you needed her. You meowed with pleasure and your purring was once again present in the conservatory.

“I need you…” You said, faking more pleading than you really wanted to show. Marilyn released you and crossed her arms, shaking her head and softening her expression.

“You need me... Oh, poor silly kitten... You're so desperate...” She said caressing your cheek. “Do you need me so much how to make me angry?”

“Yes…” You sighed, letting yourself melt from her warm touch on your skin. “Please… I want…”

She laughed and returned her mocking and amused expression.

“What do you want, honey? Do you want mommy to take care of you?” She asked ironically.

At that moment, you put your defiant and rebellious attitude aside and nodded profusely without thinking. All your clothes were in the way and your eyes went to her crotch, which was marked in her blue jumpsuit, which seemed to call you by name.

“I want you to…” You said stammering. “I want to be yours, Marilyn… I, I need it. I need you inside of me… Please.”

The redhead laughed with satisfaction, passing one hand over your chest while she with the other she got rid of her underwear.

“How cute you are, (Y/N), you're such a desperate kitty…” She whispered while you only dedicated yourself to feeling her caresses. “Mommy likes to play with the kittens like you… She wants them to pray for her…”

You just nodded automatically, noticing how you had fewer and fewer clothes. You didn't feel capable of saying anything, only of purring, of panting, of feeling how the moment you wanted so much was getting closer little by little. The redhead stepped away a bit and undid the buttons on her blue jumpsuit, letting it fall to the floor and finally freeing her length which looked almost as desperate as you. You drool at the sight before you.

Marilyn ran her hand along the length of her cock, stroking it gently, making her quiver with eagerness. She was enjoying her own caresses, but she obviously had other things on her mind.

“Get on your knees,” she ordered, pointing to the ground. You were surprised, noticing how the despair you felt seemed to have no end. She wasn't going to make it easy for you and you knew that, but seeing her excitement, the desperation with which her cock throbbed in front of you, made your body move by itself, resting your knees on the cold stone floor.

“Mommy… Please….Meow,” you said, meowing again involuntarily. Marilyn laughed at the speed with which you picked up on her game, and she gently cupped your chin.

“I know you're anxious for mommy to give you kittens, to feel how she fills you up, but you've been bad, honey, and now you'll have to please me. Use your sweet mouth, you silly girl... Show me that you need me...”

You nodded and timidly obeyed, running your tongue along her entire length. She moaned as she felt your lips around her and gently swayed her hips. She was big, overwhelming for your mouth, but you still held on and were as skilled as you could be as a total inexperienced in the matter.

“That's it…what a nice kitty…” Marilyn murmured, moving even faster as you struggled to please her. “I love you…”

Those words took you out of the situation a bit. She had told you that she loved you many times, but this didn't seem like the right time to say it. She surely she was having so much pleasure thanks to you that she even seemed to lose her sanity. You stuck out your tongue and moved it quickly, making her moans even louder. You noticed that her body tensed, that her cock trembled in your mouth.

She was close, you could feel it. Your human part considered it normal, something that had to happen and it didn't matter. Your feline part was horrified, terrified to see how something so precious for your needs was going to be wasted. You didn't just need the pure pleasure that sex gave, your instincts and your nature had another purpose.

“I'm close, honey… I, I'm going to cum in your pretty little mouth…” She said between gasps, moving in a disorderly way, almost as if she was fucking your mouth. You opened your eyes and pulled away immediately. You didn't need that, you needed something else, and you had waited long enough. “What the hell are you doing now?”

“Please... Meow...” You said getting up and sitting down at the desk.  “Please, take me.”

Marilyn sighed, clearly frustrated, but she didn't comment, she simply lifted your skirt, exposing your wet center and stroking it roughly with her serious gaze. She would surely be upset that you pulled away from her, but seeing how your arousal shimmered between your legs made her change her mind.

“Oh… My silly and needy kitty, you are so wet for mommy…” She whispered with a childish tone. “She can't wait any longer… she needs mommy to fill her up…”

You nodded as she inserted two fingers into your wet and slippery center. The sensation made you moan very loudly. Marilyn covered your mouth with her hand while her fingers explored your interior.

“Shut up, kitty, you wouldn't want to be found out, would you? Imagine that someone hears your kitten meows in heat and they find you like this, a mess desperate for mommy to give her what she needs... Poor silly kitten...”

You didn't answer, you just moaned and meowed, this time controlling the volume. You weren't even able to think about the consequences of being caught that way, you only thought about the feeling you had in your mouth, about how pleasant it would be to have all of her cock inside you, filling you up.

Soon her fingers came out of you and with her hands, she parted your legs. It would be an image worth seeing. You, some random Nevermore student, spread-eagled on your botany teacher's desk, desperate for her to fuck you.

“Are you ready, my kitty? Are you ready for mommy to give you what you want so badly?” She asked, aligning the tip with your slippery and soaked entrance. You wanted to answer like a normal person would, but your heart was beating so fast and your purrs and meows were so overwhelming that you could only nod. “I've asked you a question, (Y/N)…” She hissed in a darker tone.

“Yes…Yes… Please…” You managed to say.

Marilyn laughed and sighed as she slowly eased into you. She was not soft, nor delicate, but she was slow, painfully slow. You noticed how your body was slowly getting used to the intruder. You remembered what your friends said, that the first time was painful, that it was not pleasant. They were just dirty liars. You never felt something so pleasant, such a warm and pleasant feeling. Your walls stretched little by little, sending a lot of sensations to your whole body.

You smiled, you didn't quite know why, perhaps to finally see your wish fulfilled, to grant your most primal instincts what they so longed for.

“Oh, (Y/N), you're incredible, so wet, so tight... You hug me so well... You're a very good kitty for mommy...” Marilyn told you, while she moved slowly, introducing herself completely. “It hurts? I know I'm big, I don't want my little kitty to get hurt.”

You shook your head, slapping your hand against the table, wishing those slow movements would speed up, that you could feel completely hers.

“It's okay, it's okay, calm down…” She told you, amused, grabbing your ankles and raising them over her shoulders. “You are so impatient… You drive me crazy, (Y/N)…”

You smiled, enjoying that little by little, her rhythm was accelerating, while your body was allowing deeper and faster movements. You could feel her inside you, all of her, you were right where you wanted. You weren't capable of thinking clearly, of seeing the risks that something like this could cause and surely would cause. You were only concerned about satisfying your hunger, feeling each of her small movements.

“My sweet, silly girl…” Marilyn whispered, picking up the pace a bit when your body finally allowed it. “Your body was waiting for me, it adapts so well… Oh, my kitten, we are made for each other… You will have such beautiful kittens…”

You laughed at that statement, reaching out your arm to try to touch your lover. Everything she said sounded heavenly, almost divine. It was what your body wanted to hear, what your instincts wanted. You did not remember such a happy and embarrassing moment. If you happened to see yourself reflected in one of the crystals, you would look away. You were a mewling, drooling mess, completely at the redhead's mercy.

“Marilyn…” You sighed as she took a hand from your legs to take yours. “Please…”

She nodded, it seemed like she could read your mind. After letting your hand go, she jerked you toward her and her movements intensified, now fast, passionate. You moaned, not like a cat, but like the desperate girl you were at that moment.

“That's it, honey…” The redhead whispered, without stopping moving. “Be a good girl, a cute kitty for mommy… You take it so well… I would spend my life inside you, my love.”

You meowed at those words. Your body finally realized her strong thrusts and little by little that unpleasant and at the same time pleasant heat began to overwhelm you again. You were close to your first real orgasm, and you were excited, but desperate at the same time. You wanted to feel it all, you didn't want your own emotions to hide the sensations that Marilyn provoked inside of you. Your hips disobeyed your wishes and began to move restlessly, following the redhead’s rhythm.

“Oh my God,” you were able to say, before your entire body arched and your inner muscles hugged her cock tightly, as if they didn't want her to leave your body. Marilyn stopped for a moment, enjoying your crazy vision, your orgasmic sounds and the tremor of your body.

“Good kitty…” The redhead murmured, holding you so you would stay still. “You've done very well, even though you're a silly and desperate girl, mommy loves you, honey, mommy wants to see those beautiful eyes when you cum...” She said, smiling tenderly, something that didn't match her words at all.

“Please…. I…” You said panting, trying to catch your breath.

“Do you want mommy to fill you up honey? Do you want mommy to give you some precious kittens?” She asked while little by little, she moved again. You nodded, almost with tears in your eyes. Each of her movements were like electric currents running through your body.

“Yeah! Yes please!” You yelled. This time she did nothing to silence you, she simply smiled and closed her eyes, increasing her speed, moving abruptly. Surely you were not aware of what was about to happen, but it was what you wanted, nothing could change your mind, it was the bad thing about having an animal inside you.

“Very good, honey... Mommy is going to cum... She's going to fill you up, my love... I'm going to...” She gasped, grabbing your hips tightly as, with a heart-rending moan, she leaned into you, squeezing her eyes shut.

A sudden warmth appeared in your center. A hot liquid ran through you while you felt how her cock throbbed. At last the moment had arrived. You had no idea that it could be so pleasurable, so much so that you had another small orgasm while her cum filled you completely.

“Damn, (Y/N), you're perfect…” The redhead whispered, still inside of you. “I'm sorry I made fun of you… I didn't know what I was missing.”

You just stared at the ceiling, noticing how a trickle of liquid ran down your leg when she finally pulled away from you. The purring disappeared, the messy meows no longer fighting to get out of your mouth. You felt great relief, your whole body relaxed. You felt weakness, you had no strength. The tension you'd had that last week was finally released, and just the way you wanted it to.

“Sweetie…Honey…” Sweet whispers brought you out of your state of ecstasy. You sat up at the desk and blinked several times, in case your subconscious had played a trick on you and all this was a simple dream.

“Hey? What?” You said, pleased that no cat sounds came out of your mouth.

“My love, it's been wonderful, but we have to put all of this in order…” Marilyn told you, getting dressed again. You nodded, jumping off the desk, still feeling how her cum was inside you. You got dressed, you put on your uniform while you thought when would be the next time that would happen. “You stay there for a moment.”

“I love you,” you said happily, like in a hallucination. Marilyn smiled and sighed, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

“Me too my love. You're mommy's good kitty, don't forget it…” She told you in her ear, giving you a soft kiss on her lips. “We don't get to have dinner anymore, but what do you think if we both take a bath together in my room? I really want to love you again...”

#marilyn thornhill x reader #marilyn thornhill #wednesday #ms thornhill #oneshot #smut

[coffeehighallthetime-blog]

I am Kind not Complacent Chpt 5

Hello! Here is Chpt 5! warnings: some mention of overstimulation and comfort through panic attack.

Chpt 5: 3K

{Prev}-{next}

Heimdall x fem!reader (they're both kids rn)

multi chapter

hope you enjoy it! and thank you to @engardeitsme as usualllll love you buddy, thank you for your support!

thank you to @lunaryasha, @nokolla as well for reading!💜💜💜

A/N: also sorry for the typos it's very late lol

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“Is there a single thought going on in your head?”

Heimdall had asked the question at least three times now and the girl was starting to lose her patience, twiddling her thumbs as Heimdall glared at her. The discomfort of letting the boy try to have free range of her mind made her uncomfortable, no matter how many times they had done it now. And his lack of empathy, taking her time, running through her head, only to blame her? He really was a weasel. 

“Certainly,” she spoke stiffly, breathing through her nose. “I’m just not focusing on any particular thought. Which is the point of the exercise in case you forgot.” She watched as his eyes squinted and snorted, poking at his furrowed brows.” also, I don’t think you’re supposed to make it this obvious that you are running through people’s heads.” Heimdall’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment as he batted the girl’s hand away. 

“I’m working on it, ok?” He muttered, trying to relax his features as he continued to pick through her thoughts. It was a jumbled mess of things, like muttering getting louder and quieter, with just a few words popping out at him. He could tell she was getting frustrated with him, an angry rumbling in the undertow of her musings. Nothing to give him coherent information. It didn’t help that anything he was able to grab onto was interrupted by the thoughts of people all the way on the other side of the lodge. One moment, he could hear Yn’s thoughts start to get louder, and the next it was some trivial rubbish of a maid doing chores, or the fighters sparing outside, horses in the stable, or his damn brother, Thor, snoring. Heimdall growled and threw his head back, rubbing his temples with his palms.

“It’s still too loud!” the girl sighed at this, pulling a leg up to her chest while the other dangled over her chair.

“We’ve already moved three times, Weasel. I think this is as quiet as it’s going to get for us.”

“I know, which is why I feel even more pissed off!” he bolted from his seat, pacing around the room. “We’ve been at this for weeks and all I can hear is gibberish and your surface-level musings! It’s ridiculous. Do you have ‘any’ thoughts in that walnut you call a brain?!” the girl frowned, turning her head away. In the thoughts that thrummed threw her into Heimdall's ears he only heard: ‘...I…..Heimdall……idiot….’

“Excuse me?” he frowned, turning to her. She looked at him confused.

“What?”

“All I heard was my name and the word idiot!” the girl raised a brow, knowing she had more to her thought. She was tired of being treated like an idiot. Still, she decided to smirk and held her hands up in defeat.

“Well look at that, it seems I do have some thoughts in this walnut.” she snorted as the boy crossed his arms, trying to hear more insults.

“Also, I don't know if it’s occurred to you,” she leaned back in her chair, “ but I’m not enjoying you clumsily poking around my head either for weeks on end. So forgive me for trying to keep some things private.”

They indeed had been meeting for weeks now, after supper in Heimdall’s room. Only to migrate through different parts of the lodge when it got too loud for him to concentrate. The first few lessons had gone well, but the two thought this was merely due to Yn concentrating on a single thought for Heimdall to listen to. This obviously would not be the case when he had to find out information from people against their will, so the girl suggested they move on to Heimdall trying to read her free-roaming thoughts. This proved to be much more difficult and only seemed to get worse the more he strained to listen, instead being overflowed with noises and thoughts far from where they were. The girl also didn’t enjoy the next level of mind reading, flushing when Heimdall would point out thoughts she didn’t even know she had. It was all very invasive. 

“We are getting nowhere,” Heimdall growled under his breath, flopping back into his chair across from the girl. He sighed and looked up at her, arms crossed. “Why is it that I can hear you perfectly fine sometimes and the next, there is nothing but mumbling?” the girl relaxed her shoulders, sensing the boy’s frustration.

“Well,” she started, her hands folding over her raised leg, “I want to try to hide things in those moments. I don’t like having you up here,” she pointed to the space between her brows, “but if I focus on what I want you to hear, you seem to have an easier time with it.” Heimdall sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. 

“I need to be able to look at everything no matter if you want it hidden or not.” The girl frowned, not liking the idea of the boy with that kind of power. She sighed, however, remembering their agreement.

“Do you think you may be siking yourself out?” he just looked at her, a confused pull at his brows. She continued, standing up to pace as she spoke, “What I mean is, when it’s based on instinct like the first time we fought, or when you could hear me on the wall…it was like a survival instinct. You knew automatically what to do.”

“I guess,” he frowned, crossing his arms, “but it’s not completely quiet, it’s just a mess. Like thousands of people talking over each other. And I can’t tell what’s your thoughts, other’s thoughts, or outside actions. But when I concentrate I get closer to honing in on just your sounds.” the girl nodded in agreement, a hand on her chin as she stopped in front of the window, the afternoon breeze flowing through and the sunset light shining over the horizon, covered by the wall. She hummed as she got an idea, and because it was louder than the rest, Heimdall could catch wind of some of it. “What about the wall?” He asked, looking at her over the back of his chair. She smiled and turned to him, and his face fell as he heard the rest of the plan racing through his head.

“Oh, no. No no no. we are not going back out there. The All-Father is already suspicious.”

“We’ll go in the dead of night!” she said with an excited smile, getting closer to him.

“You’re crazy!”

“Does anything come out of your mouth except insults?” she huffed, hands on her hips.

“ For you?” he asked with a sarcastic smirk, “Never.” she ignored the boy, grabbing her things. 

“It’ll be an experiment.”

“I’m not an experiment.”

“Are you sure about that?”

He huffed. Though he couldn’t hear what she was thinking, he could tell her thoughts were running a mile a minute. And he didn’t like her tone.

“I’m not going.” he stood firm, and though he didn’t show it on his face, Yn had started to be able to tell when he was growing anxious. And right now, he stunk of nerves. The girl sighed, slowing her movements, and faced Heimdall. 

“Fine then. We don’t have to go,” she reassured him and felt the tension ease slightly. She smiled, “We’ll stop for today.”

He hated her ability to ease him. And that no matter how much he tried to control his emotions, he couldn’t resist the calm she gave him. He knew it was from her powers, and it terrified him. He should not be able to be so easily influenced. He reasoned to himself, that he was building a tolerance to her powers, and soon it wouldn’t work on him. She was just a stepping stone. That’s all this was.

With a wave of her hand, she was out of the room, spouting about how he could knock when he couldn’t sleep before shutting the door. Like he would ever in a million years, go crawling-

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

There Heimdall stood. Ridged in front of Yn’s door. Cold sweat beaded at his temple, and he held in sobs, biting his lip till it threatened to bleed. His hands gripped at the bottom of his shirt and he trembled in front of the girl’s door. He hated it. Hated waking up to the sound of phantoms in his head, endless mumblings rattling through his mind like an echoing hall. He hated not being able to quiet them, the power they had over him. He hated the fear that seeped into his bones from the sounds in his head, and the consequences of being caught for being unable to deal with them on his own.

But most of all, he hated that what he had found was finally able to quiet his mind was snoring softly on the other side of the door in front of him, without a care in the world. That he was supposed to be learning information on this girl, and nothing more. He was the god of foresight. A gift bestowed on him. And he was using this girl, a stranger, a possible enemy, to calm himself. And she let him. It all made his stomach twist in ways he didn’t know were possible. 

Still, despite how he wanted to run back to his room. Simply will the sounds to stop. To be able to understand the girl’s intentions and report them to the All-Father so she could finally be out of his hair. Despite all of it:

There he stood, trembling, willing his voice to whimper just a bit quieter. She left the door unlocked. She had started doing so so he wouldn’t have to knock and make extra noise. Her kindness frustrated him. He had never experienced anything like it before. He thought it must have meant she wanted something from him, and he would die before he gave it to her. 

Heimdall’s fist wrapped around the door handle, and he swallowed as he twisted, pushing the door open. Yn stirred, waking to the sound of her door opening. She rubbed her eyes and watched as the boy slowly walked in, shutting the door as quietly as possible behind him before collapsing to the floor, letting his sobs rasp out of him, biting his arm to stay quiet. Without a second thought, Yn’s voice filled the room with soft music, and she quickly got out of bed, her little feet padding over with a blanket in tow, falling to her knees in front of him and pulling his head to rest against hers. 

He hated how his chest already felt lighter. How warm she felt against his cold sweaty head. How she paid no mind to his heaving and trembling, ignoring what he knew she thought was a pathetic display. No matter how many times she would reassure him, he told himself he knew she looked down on him. It felt disgusting. And over everything else, he hated that she made him feel at peace. 

They stayed like that, a crumpled mess on the floor, as Yn’s voice thrummed through Heimdall’s chest and calmed his heartbeat, quieted his sobs, and ceased his trembling. Her hands rested on his shoulders, and when she felt them start to still, she pulled away, the song still chiming from her mind into his. She took the boy's hands, easing him to stand, and brought him to her bed.

“Here, sit down, okay?” She sat on the bed, her back against the wall, and pulled him to the spot next to her. He was too weak to protest, leaning his head back against the wall once he was sat, and just took in the song and silence. No matter how many times he came to the girl’s room, the relief he felt was still overwhelming in its own way. They stayed like that for a while, just like they do every night he came to her room. Sometimes she would read, her voice soothing him back to sleep. Sometimes she talked about what she learned with Mimir, not expecting any answer as Heimdall let her silly little thoughts be the only mumbling he could hear. But for some reason, tonight, as she spoke just above a whisper for him, trailing off about her home and how she would crawl up into the trees to sleep there when she had a nightmare, he responded.

“Why did you crawl into the trees?” He asked, his voice raspy for strangling down his tears. He felt Yn stiffen for a moment, then shift to look at him. He didn’t look back, leaving her to sit in his question for a moment before she smiled, looking away from him again.

“Because I was afraid of getting eaten. Do you know what a drekki is?” Heimdall barely nodded, peering to look at her. 

“Big lizard… lots of teeth…”

 “Well,” she started, “I had this nightmare all the time, of a drekki swallowing me up while I slept, and staying alive in its belly.” 

“That’s disgusting” Heimdall’s nose crinkled, feeling a shiver go down his spine. The girl giggled and nodded in agreement.

“I know. So I would sleep in the trees and tell myself an aching back was better than living in a drekki. Even here, I still get nightmares sometimes, and I want to sleep on the roof!” she smiled sheepishly, and Heimdall felt a small lopsided smirk pull at the side of his cheek despite his best efforts. Perhaps worst of all, he found himself caring less and less. Letting himself continue to ask questions, and even started to answer some of hers.

“Why do you not tell anyone about this?” She spoke softly, turning to look at him.

“Because I’m a god,” He didn’t hesitate at the question, answering as though it were simply a fact of life. “I am the Scion of the Aesir, given the gift of foresight by the All-Father.” a look of pride shined in his pink eyes, but it soon left as he looked at the clock ticking on Yn’s bedside table. “... If I cannot handle this gift,... I am unworthy. I am a failure.” he turned to look at the girl desperately. “ no one can know. You especially. You make me weak.”

“Resting is not weakness.” Heimdall frowned, shaking his head at her.

“I’m meant to be a soldier.”

“You’re a kid, Heimdall. We both are.”

He snorted, turning away from her.

“You don’t get it.” he mumbled, “you don’t have a home to protect, or a family to make proud.” 

There was silence, the music had stopped, and Heimdall heard the rising speed and weight of the girl’s heart pounding against her ribs. He turned to her again, seeing her face contort, her breathing got uneven and she curled a bit into herself. Despite this, however, she turned at Heimdall, a sad smile tugging at her cheeks. 

“That was pretty messed up, Weasel.” her voice cracked slightly, and she turned to look away, stifling a sniffle and whipping a tear from under her eye. Heimdall felt an ache twist in his chest. He felt guilty, without her powers to influence her. 

“I’m sorry,” he spoke without thinking. She scoffed.

“No, it’s fine. But so were are both clear, I did have a home, and a family” Her voice grew cold and it made the boy want to shiver like she breathed ice in his face. “I watched it all burn to the ground.” her voice didn’t waver, but her hands shook. “And then I picked up the pieces and made myself something I could live with. Now I’m here. Away from everything I know and no one in Vanaheim will even mourn me. Because everyone who knew me is dead.” her voice rattled like dice at the end, and she stifled a sob, turning away from him. 

 “ I didn’t-” his voice was faster than his thoughts, “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I was just-” he tripped over his tongue, “ I didn’t mean to hurt you, I am sorry.” his own voice was weak and he was unsure why, “ I just-” he breathed out, “I hate it.”

She turned to look at him, tears silently trickling down her face. It was only fair he comforted her in return. That’s what he told himself as he dabbed them away with his sleeve.

“You hate what?” she asked in a cracked whisper, not pulling away from him. He swallowed before admitting for the first time both aloud and to himself:

“I hate the weight of it…I wish I was alone…I wish,” his voice trailed off. And though he didn’t finish his thought, Yn somehow knew what he meant, and sighed, sniffling quietly. He swallowed, looking down at his knees, “I didn’t know that’s what happened…”

“ No, you don’t…” she mumbled, shaking her head. “ because being alone for years is not worth the peace of solitude. I promise it’s not.” she glared at him weakly, “and maybe you should have read a little deeper before trying to use my past as ammunition.” Heimdall frowned, placing a careful hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

“I really am sorry…” He spoke, fully aware of his words this time. Yn sniffled and looked at him for a moment before she smiled, weakly.

“I’ll think about accepting it. You sound honest enough.” she teased and he couldn’t stop his smile. “Hey,” she nudged him, “you’re being nice. Without me.” she shrugged, “Sort of.” he chuckled slightly and nodded.

“ I guess I want to be a little bit nicer to you…” he shrugged back, “sort of.”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

#gow x you #heimdall gow #heimdall x reader #god of war ragnarok #god of war x reader #@engardeitsme #gow heimdall #heimdall x you #i am kind not complacent #coffeehighallthetime blog #kid!reader #kid!fic #they're just little guys #they're just babies

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Therapy went well!! More below the cut

The lead up to therapy was super stressful. J went to take a shower at 11:30 and my appointment was at 12 and I hadn't put in my contacts or anything. They finished up at 11:56 and I had to rush to get contacts in and such and log in but I made it (I'm way more dissociated when wearing my glasses so it was really important I get my contacts in).

But the appointment itself was really good! After dealing with some administrative stuff (we finally got our FSA card so we needed to get payment swapped over), we talked a bit about how the move went (stressful) and the body memories we've been dealing with. Then we went over my goals for therapy and discussed the treatment plan (working on communication and system mapping before moving on to EMDR). He asked about my long term goals regarding functional multiplicity vs fusion and I said that it's not something I'm focused on right now and I'm open to wherever healing leads us (and he really liked my answer which made me feel like I was getting a good grade in therapy lol).

I just really like his approach. He clearly has a good deal of experience treating DID and the way he talks about it really resonates with me. Like we talked about the need for co-consciousness when starting EMDR but he's also mentioned that other parts will likely be triggered out as we talk about things and that's ok.

I feel like I have more to say but my thoughts are too jumbled rn so I'll probably write more later

Oh! Towards the end of session we talked about the MID. Apparently when I sent him the file I didn't share access so we took care of that and he tried to quickly plug in the numbers to the scoring program but I had put an asterisk next to one of the answers I was unsure of which messed up how the numbers pasted in so he's going to do that before our next session and we'll discuss it more than. But he said that the preliminary info showed I scored high for PTSD with dissociation and DID.

So yeah. My next appointment is on Monday

#galactic gab #therapy logs

[badcountryofficial]

If it's 3am it's not because it is <3 no it isn't <3

#im gonna try to ko again #edit: ok 3:30 #im having many a thought!!!! #why are my thoughts so fucjing coherent rn are you serious #theyve been a jumbled mess the last 2 weeks but NOW?? #at 3:30am they're not only coherent bht eloquent oh fuck off

[freeseafirefly]

Ob[li]vious (RinHaru fanfic)

Since I'm back to the fandom after a 7-years-hiatus (not that i ever stopped loving these idiots) and have just learned some exiting things like a new movie coming out on the date Harurinralia episode aired, RinHaru advertizing Tokyo Olympics merch etc, you can imagine what an emotional mess I am rn. Also, i've rewatched the anime and read some things i haven't yet read (like Season 1 novel), and all the feels are so fresh as if i'm back to 2014 T_T Thank you, Free!, for being my time machine. Thank you, RinHaru fandom, for being strong over the years, I love you all sfm T_T

Anyway, there's probably tons of RinHaru Olympics fanfiction (gonna catch up on it), but I couldn't help it once my head started imagining this. It's nothing much, no plot and non-native engrish, but i want to contribute something to this fandom, too. Also, it's probably a parallel universe cause it's Sydney Olympics. Idk. I just wanted it all in one :)

Read on AO3 or under the cut

“Haru…!” Rin chokes out as he claps his hand against the wall and watches the familiar slender shape cleave the air over his head, all in one heartbeat that seems like eternity.

It’s the same as in elementary school. The same as in the second grade of high school. As in a number of dreams Rin had over the years. The same, yet much, much louder.

...The crowds on the stadium lose their minds as Haru slices his way through to the end of the pool, a ferocious underwater lightning that seems to warp space and time themselves, and the moment he touches the wall the world goes white with noise.

Shining.

It’s the shining of the Olympic Gold.

Rin drifts back to reality, at least some limited version of it, to the feeling of Haru's body crushing against his in a stormy hug, and they're both screaming, God knows what, just as the rest of their relay team and the Olympic Sydney and probably the whole freaking world right now.

And Rin can almost process it, flashing before his eyes in an almost coherent sequence of images: years of ups and downs—Haru—their best team—his father’s proud shadow—Haru’s laughter—Japanese flags everywhere— But for an endless moment, the spinning world freezes, and it’s only him and Haru. Alone. They’re together in this place of dreams, right on the spot where Haru broke out of his shell and found his passion, eyes shining and wings unfurled; and Rin can barely breathe as he squeezes him in return, something irrepressible exploding in his chest. And Haru laughs , all tears and sweat and dripping water that leave a salty taste on Rin’s lips because at this moment, it seems only natural to press a kiss to the side of Haru’s neck and then breathe out: “We did it, Haru! We fucking did it...!”

He doesn't think about how gay it must look, and he doesn't have the time to, actually, because the next moment the world picks up full speed, and it's not just him and Haru but their whole team in a jumbled heap of dorks going nuts on the poolside because they have the fucking right.

~

The locker room is a mess, too. They sing and shout something jolly and off-key and victorious, kiss their gold medals, drink non-alcoholic beer because some of the guys still have races tomorrow, but Rin is still drunk and he can’t quite feel the ground under his feet. They have to sober up a bit for some government officials to congratulate them on the phone with high words about the honor of Japan and the historical achievement; then for the press to ask them some obligatory, obvious things. What do you mean what I’m feeling right now? I am HAPPY! What? Me kissing Haru? Of course I would kiss him all over again because WE FUCKING DID IT! Hey, Haru! But Haruka is not by his side as he’s probably answering some stupid questions, too, and Rin just laughs, blows kisses into the camera I LOVE YOU ALL! and rushes back to hook himself into the jumping circle of his precious teammates, coaches and staff, and sing the hymn once again.

~

The emotional burnout afterward is real. They walk down the street in deafening silence, he and Haru, just two ordinary guys in their everyday clothes as if they weren't THE BEST IN THE WORLD mere minutes ago. Hell, they still are. Rin can barely keep in the giggles that are bubbling in his chest. He feels like they’re some galactic heroes in disguise. It’s freaking awesome.

Haru is silent, though, probably still not quite back to it, or maybe he’s just being Haru again. Rin leaves him be.

Sydney fusses around them, colorful and bright, all dressed in olympic yet still the same familiar Sydney that once broke his bones and watched him drown with these bright cold eyes. Yet Rin loves Sydney. Look at me now, he thinks proudly. Look at me.

But Sydney doesn’t care to look, too busy in its daily routine, too large. They could’ve just taken a taxi to the station, but somehow, without sparing a word, they both decided it’s a walk. Sometimes Rin wonders if they’ve already reached that level of synchrony where they just don’t need words. It’s been years, after all. Mostly spent apart, but still. It’s not so hard to read Haru when you know him through. Not hard at all.

Yet now, he keeps dead-silent, and keeps not looking at Rin, and Rin begins to feel uncomfortable.

Is it that kiss, after all…?

Rin tries to think back, through his most recent memories which are a mashup of the wildest moments of his life, back to that moment. And his body immediately flushes with heat from the vividness of it.

...Haru’s skin is silky and smooth, and his wet hair are soft between Rin's fingers. Haru’s hands are squeezing Rin so tight there must be bruises on his back. Haru’s taste is… Haru-like. Rin can still sense it on his lips. He sucked it in too hungrily, absolutely in a non platonic way. At the mere thought, a sweet wave washes through his body from head to toe, making his every nerve buzz. Rin chokes on a breath and stumbles.

“Fuck,” he murmurs.

Haru flinches slightly but still doesn’t look his way.

The reality begins to sink in. Rin is an idiot.

~

It does look gay. Totally.

Rin sees the photos on their train ride—mostly the screenshots various people mailed him—when he jams a cap over his hair and fishes his phone out of his pocket, absently going through his inbox. All the messages are a crazy mess of emoji and caps YOU DID IT WERE SO PROUD OF YOU and they all end up mentioning that kiss. Rin curses under his breath and switches his phone off.

Shit.

And of course, of course where they have to be heading now is that exact same room in that same freaking hotel because Haru called Rin on the night before their flight and said he must book it.

That was a joke, moron! Rin palmed his feverish face, for once relieved they're talking on the phone, no video.

Yeah, I figured, Haruka said, and Rin registered—or imagined?—notes of sadness in his voice. But I thought it's a nice idea for a good luck tradition…

How is it a good luck tradition if we can't stay there before the tournament? Rin moaned, because obviously, they would be living and training with the national team in the Olympic village, what is this airhead even thinking?

Then we'll stay there afterward, Haru said matter-of-factly. It's the intention that matters. Book it.

It won't be available anyway, Rin sighed with exasperation.

Do it, Rin.

And just like that, Rin succumbed and went on to book the damn room, his face hot and his heart jumping and missing beats. Because it’s one thing when it's a mistake, and it’s a whole other freaking thing to do that on purpose, clicking all the OK buttons under the "1 double bed" "ensuite bathroom" shit and the pictures of the said bed and the said bathroom behind the glass.

And of course, of course it just ought to be available for that exact date. Holy fuck.

~

There would be times when Rin would seriously consider confessing. He would even go through the most romantic places in his head and compose the most perfect, totally non cliched lines. In his imagination, it would all be sakura petals and city lightscapes, breathtaking views, fancy restaurants with the best mackerel dishes and—if he let his imagination wander off further—private pools and night beaches. He knew it obviously wasn’t a good idea, but he also knew he would jump into it someday. Probably. When they’ve achieved their dream and he’s desperate enough and—

And what? Haru—suddenly—likes him back?

Rin knew Haru liked him, probably even loved him, but not in that way. Obviously not in that way.

...But now, just like that, everything is out in the open, and there’s no meaning in confessions anymore. Rin clenches his sweaty hands as panic begins to engulf him, slowly like a tide.

They walk the last stretch past the quay, and somehow it feels so nostalgic as though they used to live here, not spent a couple of nights some years ago. The city skyline across the water is drowning in the purplish haze of the evening as the night draws closer. So does their destination. Rin feels nausea tugging at his insides.

His voice is a crack as he finally braces himself and says, “There on the poolside... Sorry. I lost it.”

It does not rip through the thick silence between them. Somehow, makes it even heavier.

...This is not how Rin pictured their post-victory evening. In his thoughts, it would be a blur of merry partying involving blissful laughter and bright sparkles in Haru’s eyes, as well as touching words of eternal friendship, team spirit and camaraderie; and the most intimate feeling of love finally intertwined with the joy of the achieved dream would be only for Rin to bask in, drown in, his deepest secret. It was never supposed to confuse and burden Haru. It was never supposed to come out for the whole world to behold.

Now, it must be all over the news. A spur-of-the-moment Olympic coming out... The Japanese Team lets passion speak after the dramatic victory... The Pride Flag rises high in the Olympic Sydney... Rin hisses under his breath.

He's fucking ruined it.

“It won't happen again. Ever,” he finds it important to add. Like it somehow can turn back the tide, fix things and make Haru—along with the rest of the world—just forget.

“Eh?” Haru's voice comes barely audible through the thick beats of pulse in Rin's ears, and the sound of his steps halts.

Haru...halts.

Rin flinches and turns around.

“Ever... Again...” Haruka's lips move without producing a sound. He still doesn’t look at Rin. The bangs fall over his eyes like a shadow.

Rin is confused.

...until something rings alert in his memory. It was one of Rei's talks while Rin was teaching him swimming on the evenings. “...He had been out of it ever since that loss to you. And in the Regionals, it's like he finally collapsed. ‘Will I never swim with Rin again...?’ He seemed devastated.”

Rin was... shaken once again by Rei's revelation. "I won. It means I don't have to swim with you ever again. Ever." He never knew his words had affected Haru that much back then.

It was another grain of hope, another detail Rin attached to his imaginary “signs puzzle”, too eager and incautious. He knew it was a bad idea, he fucking knew it right from the start, and today it finally overflowed, breaking through the barrier of his self-control.

“Ever. Again.” Haru repeats in a firmer voice, his lips twitching in a scoff. And when he raises his head at last, his eyes are a flash of blue blazing Rin’s heart: “Are you chickening out now?”

Rin gulps. Heat flushes the back of his neck. “I’m not...! It’s my fault, ok. You don’t have to comment on it to the press. Just tell them they can go to hell. I’ll do the explaining.” It’s my fault. You shouldn’t be dragged through that shit. You can’t let it affect you, Haru…

“Rin.” He still can’t read through the calmness of Haru’s voice, and maybe even Makoto wouldn’t. “It is you who cares about these things. I never did.”

...and Rin feels all the air being squeezed out of his lungs. He’s back to that horrible, devastating moment in the dark changing room when Haru yelled at him almost the exact same words, “What future? What dreams? It’s you who cares about these things! I’m not like you...!”

Rin forces air back into his lungs. Now, Haru seems rather steady. It is Rin’s voice that trembles as he says, “Like hell you don’t care… wasn’t it you who stopped in the middle of the pool once because of all the pressure?”

“It wasn’t because of the pressure,” Haru denies right away. "It was because I couldn’t understand why I must feel pressured. I just wanted to swim. Not to please the public.”

“You mean… This thing now doesn’t bother you either?”

“Why must it?”

Rin chuckles as he exhales, “Right. You’re the guy who would undress in the middle of a shop to dive into an aquarium, after all…”

Rin's knees almost give out with relief. He’s been an idiot to fear that Haru may leave this path—the path he’d once chosen and never wavered since then—just because of some stupid public scrutiny. And no, Haru's also wrong, because this shit doesn't really bother Rin on itself—but only as far as it affects Haru.

Haruka just nods seriously, his eyes—deadly focused blue lasers—never leaving Rin’s. “If this issue is settled, let’s talk about the important stuff. You kissed me, Rin.”

“I-I thought we’ve just been talking about it,” Rin says in a small voice, panic returning and hitting him like a wave. Right. Publicity is one thing; but what happened between them still stands, and it can't be brushed away just like that. “Haru… I’m sorry. I was carried away by all the feels. It's nothing. It’s not like I… want anything, you know…” he trails off.

Breathe, Rin. Just breathe.

“So, you are chickening out. Even with the gold medal on your chest.”

“I’ve said that I’m not!” Rin clenches his fists in desperation. "God, what do you want me to say now? The obvious? Wanna laugh at my misery...?” No, Haru wouldn’t laugh, he would feel guilty and sad, like that winter when they were 13, and it’s even worse. “Want it to ruin everything we’ve achieved together...?”

“Ruin?” Haru closes the distance between them in a few firm steps like he means it, and halts only when they’re inches apart. Are they being too loud...? Right, they’re still on the quay… Rin backs off until his ass bumps against the railing. But Haru probably wants to push him into the water because he closes those last inches, too, and presses their foreheads together. “Ruin...like this?” his breath soughs across Rin’s parted lips, “—or maybe like this?” And then it’s not just air, but a touch, too. Hot, angry, gentle, wet, greedy— short. Too short. “You’re such a drama queen, Rin.”

...Passers-by continue walking past them as if the world hasn’t just shaken and ground to a halt. Nobody even looks their way. Ok, this is Sydney, not Iwatobi, not like it’s too big of a deal here, two guys standing like this on the quay and— wait, what…?!

“Haru… Do you… too…”

“Obviously. I do.”

“Since when…?”

“Since forever. I thought you knew.”

“Me? Knew…?” Rin barely recovers enough to peel his hands off the metal and clasp them on Haru’s forearms lest he disappears, and everything is another dream, and Rin is the biggest idiot again. “How on earth? Why couldn’t you just say anything?”

“...wasn’t sure you feel the same,” Haru grumbles.

“Oh? Wasn’t it obvious ?” Rin asks in a mocking voice.

“It kinda was.” Haru is still agonizingly close, just enough a distance to look into each other’s eyes, yet he keeps glancing down at Rin’s lips, and each of these glances releases a jar of butterflies in Rin’s stomach. “You’ve been staring at me with these lovestruck eyes since elementary. But it also could have been that you’re just an idiot, so.”

Rin digs his nails into his skin, outraged but too messed up to come up with a witty response in a second, since another second Haru adds, his voice soft and suddenly not so confident anymore: “Anyway... I was afraid to screw up everything, and before the Olympics, too.”

“Now who is the drama queen?” Rin whispers, tentatively sliding his hands up Haru’s arms, sensing goosebumps popping up under his fingertips.

“It’s still you,” Haru smiles and kisses the tear off Rin’s eyelashes.

~

I want to add the hotel part, of course, once i finish it. So, let me know what you think about it so far! Love you all <3

#rinharu #harurin #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #sharkbait #free! #free! fanfiction #my fic

[savagesbonergarage]

Actual totally not a joke post question for y'all:

Should I quit my job and dedicate my time to writing/creating?

Like, honestly. There are a lot of factors affecting my thought process about what I should do, although thankfully money isn't really one of them. (I mean, it kinda is, but I'll be ok). My concerns and priorities are all a jumbled mess but I'll do my best job of laying them out.

Personal priorities

1: I want to write! Above all, I want to write. I was unemployed during the time I started my fic prompts and taking requests, and now that I'm not it's harder to make time for it. When I'm not working, I'm resting before I go back to work and doing my wifey duties. I lurk on here and repost, but I'm still unable to really dedicate the effort I personally require of myself to post a fic.

1A: When I'm not writing, I want to work on my other creative endeavors in my local film community which is all but a dream right now with the lack of time I currently have. I'm really blessed to have the connections I do and my ideas and resources that are always at my disposal, but alas.

2: School? This one's kinda iffy, but still something I'm considering. I've been wanting to get a degree or at the very least a certification in writing or something similar, but there's a lot of factors against this one with the pandemic affecting things, as well as money and the fact that I'd be trading one time-consuming extreme for another. So, eh?

The reasons I'm conflicted about up and leaving:

1: The job I have really isn't terrible. I enjoy working there most of the time, I've made friends, and the work itself isn't too stressful. I feel I can be myself and I get along really well with pretty much everyone. (We're all gays with Adhd). Although I'm not hurting for money, I took this job for stability reasons just in case something unexpected happens (which isn't unlikely with the state of the world rn).

2: Mental health. Surprisingly, I've been pretty okay since I've been back to work. Socializing and going out into the world has been pretty good for me as far as feeling and behaving like a real person goes. I'm not even the most social person, but apparently interacting with people on a daily basis is really important for me. Another big factor is that I'm about to get recommendations for treatment for my ADHD, so I'm wondering if I should wait until then before I make the decision to leave. Maybe once I'm on medication I'll be better at prioritizing things? Idk.

3: Fear? This one's a really broad and substantial one. I personally have this idea that I'm not contributing the way I need to be if I'm not earning money, and I feel like if I quit I wouldn't be aiding the household enough. Also, I have a fear of failure and disappointing others. I already talked to my mans about everything and he's ok with whatever I decide, so idk exactly who I'm worried about disappointing if I do but??? I guess myself? Or my coworkers? Or maybe I feel like quitting is giving up and I don't want to do that? My head is all sorts of weird about this stuff, so I don't blame you if this doesn't make a lick of sense.

Why I'm probably still gonna (maybe?) do it though

1: Also fear. Well, very heavy concerns. I'm not sure if it's just the area that I live in that makes this such an issue for me, but it probably is. Standard covid precautions are in place at the location I work for, but people without masks are allowed in despite all the signs saying otherwise. They don't care. (The customers and management I suppose). A large demographic of the people that I interact with on a daily basis are of the God-fearing, Trump-loving, anti-mask variety and it's extremely infuriating. I bring my own disposable gloves from home to wear bc our store doesn't provide any and I'm the only one that wears them. I do it because the last thing I want is to bring covid home to my husband with underlying health conditions, or anyone else for that matter.

1A: I have no sick time. Say I were to get it (if I don't already have it... 🙃) I wouldn't be able to call out scott-free without getting any warnings or write-ups and eventually terminated. For every month worked, I get 2 hours of sick time, and I've only worked there one month. We are required to submit a health check each day before our shifts (which is great) but if you are feeling sick and stay home, there's no covid relief. There was a 2 day period where I did have a slight fever and didn't go in, (no telling if it was covid or not) but with having no sick time it put me in the red. This is upsetting not just for me, but knowing that people who do get sick will fabricate their screenings bc they don't want to lose their job is something that shouldn't have to happen. I feel like the health of myself and others is more of a priority than a little extra money.

So, I guess I've kinda talked myself into it? But maybe not? I really don't know what to do. Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm really frustrated about it. If it turns out I'm still sick (cause I'm feeling it babeeyyy) I might just call out again tomorrow and stop giving a fuck.

Sith me kinda wants to quit. Should I trust Sith me? Lol

#personal #yep I'm not just tired #this be a congestion headache #biiiiiiihhh

[mokkemusic]

GO READ CICADA SUMMER

@spades-queen​

So I wanted to write down my thoughts about Cicada Summer. Which oh gosh if you love Hanako at all please just go read this. You won't regret it! I PROMISE YOU!

I’ll put this under read more now cause I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone . So just know spoilers are under the read more.

I feel I should say this just beforehand though these are just my personal thoughts and i’m not really good at holding back my emotions. If I love something I let you REALLY know I love something and cry over the simplest details if they mean something to me. I may not have interpreted everything in the way you wanted them to be interpreted as the writer OR I might have thought a character was an OC or like that cause I am not fully caught up on the manga (I’m on ch 61 as of rn) and fair warning my grammar is horrible sometimes and my key pad keeps freezing so apologies for that in advance. Ok with that out of the way please allow me to gush :,))

This took me forever to put into words and I scrapped this twice but I think I’m just gonna go with it this time. This is a jumbled mess but my thoughts just can’t stay in a straight line today for some reason. So we’re just gonna run with this. I mean this in the nicest possible way when I say THIS FIC IS BREAKING MY HEART! I love it! I love it I love it! But the PAIN I feel and the immersion when reading these chapters is like I’m also there wandering adrift with Amane at night. Feeling the crushing weight of everything and so so empty. (Probably doesn’t help I was up till 5 am reading this the other night)

But the way you write completely does that for me!! TSUCHIGOMORI again I mean this with all the love but GOSH I CAN’T! The torment you are making him feel! (Secretly slow claps 👏🏻 in the background) Yes I love the pain. I love the genuine emotion from all this! But I won’t deny my eyes were watering. Really watering I can’t remember the exact scenes but at times there was this big lump in my throat.

I have to confess how much I love canon. I know I know it’s not something most people love. But I do I really am strange I just love more then anything either deleted scenes to canon or something that could basically be canon. I know that’s a dangerous line to tread and I’m not saying I don’t love AU’s but I just have a special place in my heart for origins and deleted scenes. The problem with most of those though is they are so out of character.. or there’s just this one particular thing that bothers me. I’m really not trying to over gush.. but really I can’t see anything that seems off (And I’m using a telescope) Your characterization is SO GOOD! Not only the characterization but the characters actions don’t seem out of character either! You really really know how to get into the minds and view points!

Particular scenes like When Tsuchigomori is talking to that kid in class who “lost” his jacket and trying to break up their argument over the ghost discussion. It’s such a not important example but it’s so true to tsuchigomori! Even scenes like that I see them in a film strip play out in my mind. His expressions and attitude about even that small exchange. That’s when you know your writing it top tier for even scenes like that.

Another example is when Amane first spots what he thinks is a white weird looking cat and meets Yako. The way you write her.., sorry I just could go on it’s brilliant!

(Ok I’m staying more focused now)I also wanted to bring up the level of significant detail. Well personally I think these are significant details cause they are a few things I latched onto and wanted to expand on this ...

I’m just gonna list them. Like I said this is a bit jumbled but it’s the best way I can get my genuine thoughts out about this.

1- There’s this scene in actual canon that makes me have a similar feeling about the timing in how you write so I’m just gonna talk about that first.  It’s the scene in the Book Stacks Arc when Nene and Kou have to tell Tsuchigomori their secrets and then they think Hanako should have to as well.

“Oh my you want to hear secrets about me? “ “No thanks but I do appreciate the offer. I know more then enough.”

I won’t go on a tangent about this but this detail destroys my soul and when you go back and re read or re watch the anime after it’s only then that it does! Cause then you know! It’s the timing of it!

The way you use timing in your fic going back to the origin story’s (not just Amane’s but the interactions with all the other people and supernaturals around him) like when Amane first meets Yako and then in my mind I think forward to when he goes

“Hey number 2. It’s been a while. Do you remember me?” .... “So you guys are ... friends?” “She’s a wonder. I’m a wonder. Sometimes it’s assumed.”

We don’t know much about Hanako’s origin. Actually we know practically nothing about Hanako’s origin. We know more about Yugi Amanes backstory then Hanako’s origin of how he came to be Hanako and THAT is really saying something. (Gosh I so hope soon will get to know some more about both) But the way you wrote the introduction with Amane and Yako before Hanako was even a Wonder... I can’t describe it but it’s that kinda detail that makes me feel a slight similar feeling to the “You want to hear secrets about me?” example if I go back now and watch the Missaki stairs episode.

It’s because of your word choices and timing (it’s seamless) It’s just the story telling itself with those details..I hope that makes some sense? I can’t think of words. Obviously you know I’m not a writer cause I’m not good at this but it was something that was a significant detail for me.

Second-Your original character of Nakamura. How her sweet and pure  personality and inquisitive helpful nature wanted her to try and see if she could see over that mountain that was Amanes guarded wall and how she just kept trying until that was completely taken away from her with his death. I really like her and I have this suspision it was an intentional parallel to Nene In a very natural subtle way (that’s just what I interpreted) to think now thinking forward how Hanako gravitated to Nene’s personality cause a part of It might have slightly reminded him of a could have been friend he never took the opportunity to let even slightly in and regretted that. Even worse with that reminder and seeing Nene at first glance and knowing she was just gonna die. You really REALLY know how to bring on the hints and detail driven Angst!

Third. I have to bring up Tsuchigomori’s and Yako’s dynamic. It always took on a most light hearted feel with these two who are basically stuck with each other for eternity. And they may or may not at times slightly reminded me of a very old (we’re talking ancient) married couple. Your dynamic and internal thought monologue from both their povs about each other were solid gold 👌🏻.

Forth Emi and Shuuya THE TENSION IN MY BODY WHEN EMI... AHHH! And then he ran into Nakamura LITERALLY INTO HER BODY! Jumping out the window and then the scene outside .:. Ahh I get chills. Chills. Then Tsuchigomori protecting his student .. his surrogate son ok I’m fine. I’m fine. :,( Anyway .. yea that was so good! 😭 The scenes were so fast pace it was shock and awe I was feeling mostly and then when it calmed down with Tsuchigomori and Amane just being there together that’s when my chest got tight again. But I’m so intrigued about Emi. I mean I know she’s established and important but how you are gonna continue to write her is what I’m so curios about. We know so little about her.

The exchange between Amane and Emi after when he seeks her out and tells her one day she will be a great exorcist and the hesitation she mulls over in her mind. Not understanding this supernatural at all. Brings me back to Kou and his conflicting emotions towards Hanako when they first met and the parallels just make me so emotional!

I will also confess I’m not completely caught up on the manga I have around 7 more chapters to go as I’m on chapter 61 right now. So unless they said Teru and Kous grandmothers first name in those chapters I’m gonna assume you chose it.

Same goes for the first clock keeper Shuuya I don’t know what to make of him as of right now and haven’t gotten to the part in the manga I think you said in your authors note that he was briefly introduced in? But again I love what you did with this! He was such a fun and contrasting character to the newest clock keeper.

Introducing this character and what Amanes first response was to him. Someone else who could see him! How that made him feel. Really makes me think of his response to Akane now and Hanako just hoping that that he can have another friend and someone to interact with and even though Akane um.. let’s go with dislikes him he doesn’t care cause it’s someone else that he can actually interact with.

The flashbacks with Tsukasa. Oh boy. Oh boy. Gosh I have no idea what to make of Tsukasa in general like it pains me so much cause I hate his actions but I feel SO SO BAD FOR HIM! Something made him the way he was! I love your flashback scenes so much! I love seeing that human small child side to him. It’s just so so sad :,( Wait how old were they in the flashback scene of the festival? Does the one in 1964 when Nene traveled back still exist in the canon of this story?

And also speaking of Tsukasa (I know this one you can’t answer cause this might be a plot point) but why couldn’t Tsuchigomori find his book? That’s what I am dying to know.

I could go on so much more about Amane and Tsuchigomori but it’s so hard for me to put into words for all the chapters so far. My next review will be more focused on just the latest chapter so this is a bit of a mess. You really understand this dynamic and it’s a dynamic that personally means so so much to me. What changed everything for me when I first got into Hanako was the Bookstacks arc. That changed everything for me. Knowing who this boy of Yugi Amane was and the dynamic we got to see with the only person who knew who he was when he was human! (I really hope they dive more into that and we see more Tsuchigomori telling us about that) Some of these themes and concepts hit me so personally and my heart breaks for Yugi so much.

I probably missed a lot but I really feel like this is just such a mess even though these are all my genuine thoughts im sure more will pop back into my head later.

Lastly if you wouldn't be opposed I may try to make something for it creatively. You know how certain fics have their own fan art and such ... 

I wish there were so many actual visual fan arts made of this story for more visualization! If only I had talent. ( I may possibly try my hand at one but I have only drawn one piece of art ever)

These are just the scenes off the top my head Tsuchigomori next to Amane on the staircase as he cries when he first realizes he’s a spirit

Amane sitting in his own desk next to Nakamura watching her sleep

Amane and Emi looking right up at the ghost of the moon in the daylight before Amane disappears from her sight

Tsuchigomori bandaging Amane yet again in the nurses office. Telling him he will eventually fade away he’s not attached to anything here anymore he’s just a drift.

Amane looking at himself in the bathroom mirror not recognizing himself gritting the phantom pain in his abdomen as looks to see it’s physically rotting away (that’s a bit darker of one😅 but I love it)

Amane telling Tsuchigomori as they watch the lanterns he’s not going anywhere again when Tsuchigomori tells him “maybe now would be the best time to cross”

Ok .. I made myself cry again but these scenes stick out to me so much. You should have fan art for them cause they are just that good! :,)

I hope in someway if you do read this you somewhat like my thoughts on this even if they are jumbled. I had to gush about this but also maybe I latched onto a detail that isn’t really brought up or something. That’s another reason I wanted to share my thoughts with you. 

Really your writing is such a privilege! I feel so lucky to come across something like this and to be captivated by it and (breaking down at 5 am over it) Thank you again for sharing this creation It’s inspiring creatively and I feel very grateful ❤️

#thank you again for sharing this piece of art its so amazing and so heartbreaking #can't wait to see whats in store! #this may have took me over 2 hours to type out .. i just my brain is gone today #im kinda very tried #again apologies about all the grammar mistakes i just had to get this all out

[huangsilks]

let your walls down for me (z.cl)

summary: worries about university, SATs, and moving away weighed heavily like a burden on your shoulders. one thing you knew for sure, though, was that your friendship with him wouldn’t falter, and you found solace in that.

pairing: bestfriend!chenle x reader

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff

a/n: hhHHH this is my first actual fic and i’m not v satisfied djsjdjjfjd but i enjoyed writing it and that’s the thing that matters!! if anyone is reading this rn and wants to be friends: hi! i’m cam! i wanna make more friends 🥺 👉🏻👈🏻

“you look like actual shit.” bestfriend!chenle snickers at you, a cheeky grin adorning his features as he pays close attention to the messy side bangs that fell into your face and uniform tie that was thrown on lopsidedly. you roll your eyes as he meets you on the sidewalk in front of your house, the same sidewalk you two had met each morning since second grade. chenle reaches out his hand and brushes your fallen locks behind your ears, chuckling at your irritated expression as you swat his hand away.

“well maybe if someone didn’t keep me up all night playing pubg, i would’ve woken up to my alarm.” you playfully side-eye him, knowing full well that your disheveled state was upon his insistence. flashbacks rang in your head from the night prior, a full seven hours of your life spent gaming that you’d never get back. considering you two would be uni students in just the next year, your sleep schedule was horrendous.

“we need to get more sleep than we do. you know that sleep deprivation is bad for adolescent brain development?” you nag.

“okay, okay. mom.” chenle disregards your light scolding, draping his arm over your shoulders nonchalantly. chenle was naturally a touchy person, even when you guys were little, so you were used to everything at this point— the hand-holding, the back-hugging, the general invasion of space when it came to him. admittedly, you weren’t the biggest fan of skinship, but zhong chenle was always an exception. he did it so often that people thought you two dated (not that you minded).

“your brain is so underdeveloped because you never sleep.” you tease, and he immediately feigns an overdramatic look of hurt, pushing you away from him. you beamed at his comical response. his orange locks radiated in the early morning light, and the up-turned corners of his lips stretch into a shit-eating grin.

“say that to me the next time you ask for calculus help, dipshit.” he mocks, and you stand on your tip-toes to ruffle up his hair, messing up the tangerine coloured locks (although he managed to still look good).

chenle sticks his tongue out at you, putting his arm back on your shoulder the way it was before. you were all smiles at his affectionate nature. a comfortable ambience fell over the two of you, as you basked in the undisturbed sunrise and yielded to the peaceful routine of walking to school.

“so have you asked bora to be your prom date, yet?” you inquired your best friend. jang bora was a good friend of yours both since elementary.

“it’s only the first day of senior year, it’s too early to ask her. what about you? find anyone you’d wanna go with?”

“no, not really. maybe i’ll just go alone.” you complained, scratching the back of your head. it wasn’t that you didn’t want to go, but nobody in particular really caught your eye.

“c’mon, don’t be like that. i know so many guys who would love to be your date, y/n.” chenle leaned in a little closer to whisper in your ears, “and i heard a rumour that park jisung wants to ask you.” he teases you with his gummy grin, a sparkle in his eye meant only for you.

“i don’t think so, chenle.” you shake off his mischievous laughter, holding back a smile of your own. “i think he’s more interested in you than me.” you add subconsciously.

“hey, if it makes you feel any better, you can be my date if bora rejects me. deal?”

“wow, chenle, i just love being your second choice.” you sardonically joke.

it was early autumn, and the typically mediocre scenery of your neighborhood seemed almost picturesque today. the muted orange hues of the fallen leaves perfectly complimented chenle’s bright ginger hair, a byproduct of some mindless bet he lost during summer. you swore that orange hair would look revolting on anyone; but he was zhong chenle, and zhong chenle looked good in everything. you still recalled the self-satisfied cackles chenle made at your widened eyes, because what the hell, chenle? how do you look that good with orange hair?

morning walks with chenle were always a safe haven for you two. all pressures to be considered ‘popular’ or ‘cool’ were reserved for the rest of the day, with other schoolmates and friends, but never with eachother. you liked starting your days off with him, opting to simply enjoy eachother’s presence rather than bombarding eachother with too much talk and mental stimulation at such an early hour. it was in these moments that you two could be at peace with yourselves.

you sigh in contentment at the foreign breeze, recognizing the first sign of autumn. to you, the messy escapades of summer— driving around in chenle’s car during the ungodliest of hours, blasting 80s rock music with the windows down so that the wind would seep into your hair— these events seemed so distant and long-gone. an image of two teenagers huddled haphazardly under a thick blanket, a twitch streamer on the laptop being the only source of light, chewing on shitty leftover pizza as you two struggled to stay awake—these were memories of a hazy dream you’d try so hard to remember. recollections of sandy flip-flops, overly competitive volleyball games, and cloud-watching at the beach, with chenle’s orange head in your lap as he dreamt lazily, airpods in his ears and sunscreen on his nose. these all were snapshots frozen in time. a time that felt lightyears away from the present, a time you’d try so hard to hold onto.

because now, it was the first day of senior year, and everything would be changing. the hustle and bustle of ap classes, sports games, student council, part-time jobs, and the pretense of a social life always kept both you and chenle on your feet. nothing would ever be the same in a few months, as the never-ending questions about university would loom over everyone, the topics of scholarships and SATs and moving away constantly being thrown around. it was all so overwhelming, so burdensome. one thing you knew for sure, though, was that your friendship with chenle wouldn’t falter, and you found solace in that alone.

you were zhong chenle’s best friend since second grade — he was intelligent, charismatic, well-rounded, and widely popular towards the entirety of the school. he assumed the role of student council treasurer, the soccer team’s infamous right midfielder, and subject to much talk amongst the females in your highschool. but with you, he was just zhong chenle, the sweet boy who moved in two doors down from you when you were 9. there was no facade your eyes couldn’t see past.

“hey, y/n?” chenle begins, and you glance up at him next to you, peering through your eyelashes. “can i ask you, like, a serious question?” you nod at your best friend, caught off gaurd by the sudden question.

“does the future ever scare you?” he ponders nervously. you pause in your steps, thinking of the right words to say. chenle looks at his feet, avoiding your eye contact.

“well, whether we like it or not, the future is going to happen, right? and i don’t think there’s any point in fearing the inevitable. the best we can do is try adjust to the changes and enjoy the ride.” you admit, honestly. and if you were anyone else, chenle might’ve laughed at the cheesy answer, might’ve made a joke about how you made everything too serious and tried to lighten the situation. but it was you, and he could trust you with anything.

“but y/n. everything is going to change in a few months. there’s final exams, graduation, and prom. but after that, it’s all just a jumble of ambiguous what-ifs. nothing is assured anymore. i never told you this, but i might have to move away for my soccer scholarship. i’ve never lived away from home and i don’t... i don’t think i can handle it. it’s too much all at once.”

his sudden rant of emotion was laced with anxiety and stress. you instinctively take his larger hand into yours, feeling how shaky and clammy they had become. you knew it took a lot out of him to finally admit those words to you.

“i know how you feel, chenle. but you’re strong. you’ve handled everything life has thrown at you, every single time. you can handle this, too.”

“but— but what if i never come back? the thought of losing everything and everyone scares me, so much.... i can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

his anxious words drifted into the autumn wind, ringing through your mind like a mantra. zhong chenle constantly tried so hard to be perceived as perfect and flawless to the whole world, that sometimes it was shocking when he let his walls come down to you. you don’t respond at first, not sure what to say to his vulnerable confession; so you don’t respond immediately, and instead, you took his face into your hands and stared him in the eyes, feeling the warmth and softness of his skin. you hold out your arms and wrap them around his taller frame, saying nothing for a few moments. you two were silent during this intimate time. when you pulled back, his surprised eyes were filled with tears.

“i know you, zhong chenle. you will get through this. and plus, i’ll never leave your side. it’s always going to be you and me, ok? wherever you go.” you assure him, beaming optimistically. and you meant every word.

he blinked away the tears and laughed, “thank you, y/n, for being my best friend. thank you for staying with me all these years... i love you.” his words left you taken aback. in all your years of friendship, chenle never told you he loved you. you wiped his tears away with your sleeve and laughed at his sad expression.

“awww, i love you too, you dummy. you know that right? now stop crying, you look like a baby.”

chenle snakes his arms around your waist and pinches your sides, sending a tickle jolting up your body. you slap his forearm as he chortles jubilantly in response.

“ow! nevermind, i take it back. i totally hate you.” you mock.

(you love him. very, very much).

he holds your hand all the way to school, and you know that wherever life brought you two in the following months, despite the anxious discussions on university and scholarships and moving away, zhong chenle would always be yours.

#nct drabbles #nct writing #nct writers #nct dream fanfiction #nct dream fluff #nct dream chenle #zhong chenle #nct chenle #nct chenle fluff #nct fluff #nct fanfiction #nct chenle fanfiction #nct dream imagines #nct dream blurbs #nct blurbs #nct drram drabbles #nct imagines

[alonyne]

So I really really needed to vent and I didn’t want to bother anyone rn so I’m just gonna post it on here.

Have you ever been lied to by someone your whole life? Someone you trust?

That’s happened to me twice this past year. One of them I really don’t care for, they’re easy to let go.

The other one...

I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Sometimes it’s like he’s a close friend, he teaches me things, he likes the same things I do so we can talk about it, he provides me things when I need them sometimes. But then I grew up and realized the things that were happening behind the curtains.

He wasn’t as great as I thought he was. But I grew up knowing him as this important person that was funny and awesome, I can’t just let that all go? But as of late he’s caused so much stress to my mom and that, I can’t deal with.

He’s lied to my face before and I didn’t even realize until someone came up to me and said, “Did you really believe he went to Florida for a job?”

I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t want to ruin this perfect image I have of him, but he’s causing so much stress on my mom. Again and again he leaves.

But when he comes back he’s so nice. We relax on the couch and binge marvel movies like nothing’s wrong. But then my mom tells me things, the things hes lied about. And then he’s gone again.

I don’t know what do right now, but for those who are close to me and for those who are kind enough to worry, I’ll figure out what to do eventually. It’ll be ok.

Sorry if this was just a jumbled mess, I wasn’t really thinking. Thanks for listening or reading my rant ig.

[godtricked-blog]

there’s a Lot of thoughts swirling around my brain rn (shoutout to u, my brain circus) but i don’t really have the capacity to go super in-depth atm so i’m gonna word dump for myself later ?  if anyone is curious and knows enough abt loki they can probably piece the jumbled mess together, but Anyway:

kid’s initial nightmares (pre-asgardian) were exactly what he thought they were: they were fragments of the old loki’s memories trying to return.  but there was the other factor which was their little magic theater --- kid didn’t gain access to it until he returned to asgard, as an asgardian, where they get stronger and have more power simply due to being in asgard --- which makes me think that old was trying to reach kid, but kid simply wasn’t strong enough to enter the realm and see old for himself

kid’s nightmares did continue after regaining their asgardian form.  but that’s mostly because the mind theater is... quite literally shoving multiple souls into one area.  which we later discover is loki’s brain.  so the nightmares are caused by what is essentially kid having to contain multiple (traumatized) psyches.  (not to mention old’s ulterior motive was to regain their life as The Loki)

yes, that also means ikol has nightmares.  kid only had old and his own’s memories, but now ikol has old’s, kid’s, king’s, and their own memories.  and if you think about it, king is just the loki from another reality.  that’s a fuckton of memories my dude.  is ikol fucking okay

contrary to what i think is popular belief (but idk, correct me on that one), ikol isn’t old.  old said it himself --- no future incarnation of loki would every be the same as a previous one.  it also explains why old maintains their own soul in the mind theater, and has their own magpie.  kid’s mind was more or less wiped clean, and the soul was killed off.  tabula rasa, if you will.  a copy of old was placed into kid’s body instead.  so ikol is their own soul, their own unique person, but also a super weird concoction of both old and kid.  and eventually king.

fuck whatever marvel said about erasing aoa from canon, loki still has the magic bracelet and magic scepter.  he still wears the bracelet, but it’s usually hidden under a sleeve or long gloves.  the scepter is stored in the pocket dimension (the same one that keeps laevateinn, whip, norn stones on occasion, etc.).

i can’t fucking believe there’s a reality out there were loki doesn’t exist??  since ikol basically just stuffed king into a rock

also, for your consideration: ikol really does want to be a better person and it does show in their actions, they’re just kinda bad in the delivery, not to mention it’s easy to gloss over the good and fixate on the bad?  but what old would’ve done that was “evil” for fun, ikol only did it in order to push their plans forward?  i.e. destroying plants on the gardener’s planet, he needed to know where the damn infinity stones were ok.  or becoming sorc supreme, because he felt stephen wasn’t strong enough, and he needed exile of singhsoon in order to redistribute the magic.  but also: ikol saved everyone during the final incursion despite not wanting to partake in it.  and then proceeded to take a long ass nap right after.  he’s trying ok thanks for coming to my ted talk

#❪ ooc. ❫ #tbd. #shoutout to people that can both read and comprehend this #i swear i'm turn these into proper hcs soon i just need to be in the right headspace

[unbefuckinglieveable]

Remember Me: Part 2

    Angelo looked at the deviant in front of him, Connor looked like head been standing in front of a leaf blower, hair swept back in a messy fashion,the strap of the messenger bag was adjusted awkwardly. Angelo laughed lightly,and then noticed a concerned look on the androids face. “ You androids certainly  don't play around, you said twenty minutes you should have said ten.” He said praising Connor for being so efficient.

    Connor didn't  acknowledge the praise, he didn't deserve it. If Connor had forced Hank to stay, Then they would be at home petting Sumo and Hank would be drinking coffee on his day off in tacky old plaid sweatpants. The would have taken Sumo to the park and play for hours on end.  ‘This is my fault’

     ‘You don't  deserve his forgiveness, Connor.’ The deviant heard in his head, the closest  thing he knew to evil, Amanda.  The voice was startling and when he realised it was her, he groaned. He hadn't  heard from her since the revolution and she tried to force him to murder Jericho’s leader.  

     “You alright there robo-cop?” Angelo said flashing a toothy smile,then he noticed  how unamused Connor looked, sighed, then put a visitor's badge on the table, “ Room 434, he might not re-” Connor was off to the elevator no longer listening. He stood to follow the Android down the hallway. However he got stopped to answer another client's  question watching as Connor climbed into the elevator. Connor just had to see that Hank was okay, he flicked his quarter from hand to hand waiting.

    The elevator  door opened and the android was released walking briskly to room 434, he took a moment the fix his hair and the bag. The he entered quietly looking at the white walls  and the TV playing something idly as he set the bag down. Hank was alive, and Connor felt elated.

   Connor smiled brightly walking to his dad leaning up slightly on the bed, “ Hank! I'm so gl-” before the elder turned on him glaring and cut him off.

     “Cole! Son I don't  care how old you are, or what the circumstance is, you do not call me by my first name.”  The elder barked disciplining his son in agitation. Hank was very stern about his son calling him Hank.  He did not expect Cole’s expression to wilt like a flower left on the counter too long, or the tears beading up at the corners of  eyes and then dripping down his cheeks.

    “ Jeeze Cole, I corrected you, I didn't disown you, relax kid!” He said in a chiding tone watching Cole’s shoulders sag and his head glance to the ground and away.  Hank sat up sighing softly, “Come here.”

     Connor tried to find the way to explain, he had never felt so many mixed feelings at once. It was a mix of punching things, hiding his face into Sumo, and having a successful  mission all at once. However it felt so intense,and stressful.

     Stress levels at: 65.07 and climbing at a rate of .45 per minute.

   He listened to Hank and walked over taking a seat on the bed. Hank hugged him close and pet his hair for a moment.  “ What's wrong Cole?” Hank said softly to his son trying to reassure him, Connor could only shake his head, he had to process, if he still had his Led it'd  be flashing.

     A memory  flashing through his mind. “I'm  whatever you want me to be Lieutenant...your partner, your buddy to drink with or just a machine. Designed to accomplish a task.”   Hank wants Cole  not  Connor.  Connor had said whatever Hank wanted him to be.  Connor could be Cole. He could try.

  “I am just so glad you're alive dad. You were hurt really bad do you remember anything?”   Connor responded sadly wishing he was factory reset. So he didn't have to do this.

    “We can do that  for you Connor, you never have to feel this pain again.”  Amanda chimed in his mind, Connor shook the trespassing thought off worried she was going to just stay with him.

    “ I am sorry, may I speak  with you Co-” Angelo went to interrupt but was interrupted  by Connor.

    “Of course, I'll be right back dad.” The deviant said taking a stand, stepping into the hall and shutting the door, behind him.  “ What is going on?” The Android demanded looking at the Rn with disdain,pent up anger swelling inside like an overfilled pool.

      “Hank has suffered  brain trauma, he may remember  soon, or it could be permanent, I tried to warn you earlier but you walked away on me.” Angelo said adjusting his powder blue scrub, Connor  felt lost. Would Hank ever remember the Thing he'd  worked with and spent time with? Or would  Hank spend the rest of his life with Cole? Ignorant of the  thing that thought of him as a dad.  

     “When can he be released?” Connor questioned  softly hanging his head, he hoped it would be long, please not to soon. If he was going to be Cole, he had a lot of work to do. That much was clear.

     Angelo, sighed and shot a look at the younger android  that seemed sympathetic. “ He should be able to return home in a week, Connor.”

   Connor nods softly, his voice quiet and broken,“ One more thing, please don't  call me Connor, I prefer Cole.” He grit his teeth, looking at the floor, the floor had an identity, and a purpose. It was a floor, and its  purpose was to support the maximum occupancy of 309 people so they didn't fall to the floors below.

    Connor had a purpose, but no longer had an identity. His purpose was to be whatever Hank needed of him, and that happened to Be /NOT/ Connor. He did not want to fail this mission.  

     “ Very well Cole,  I hope you have a pleasant visit with Hank.”  Angelo responded watching the android turn away, not the same excited android who had answered the phone earlier.   

     Connor  walked into the room  and smiling down at Ha- his dad. Even though Connor was hurt, he was glad Hank was alive.  Hank was laying back now, staring up at the ceiling when he left heard Connor enter the room.

     “Cole, what happened?” The older man asked quietly. His hand moving to pat the bed, a gesture to summon Cole  to come and explain. Cole came and sat by his side placing a cold hand on his father's.

     “You were attacked last night by a PL600,  the android hurt you pretty bad, and well I'm  curious what you do remember so the guys at work and I can catch it.” Cole said solemnly and with a sense  of resignation that surprised Hank. It was like a machine taking on a mission, there was no humanity in those words.

    “Cole, I understand  you're upset, but don't  get yourself killed by one of those damn plastic p-”

    “ Pricks, I get it dad. But do you remember anything? It would help me with the investigation.” Cole said stiffly, his hands trembling slightly.  

     “ No, I don't  remember much of anything. I remember you, Sumo,my job,and that your mother took off a long time ago, and even that's fuzzy, everything is a jumbled mess in my head. I hope it clears up soon kid.”Hank said calmly, what does a man who can't  remember do for an investigation.

“ Alright, I gotta get back to the office, I got a lot of work to do, especially  if my partner is going to be in the hospital for the next week.” Cole said sadly standing up and walking to the door.  

    Stress levels at 77 .87 %

   “Hey, I love you!” Hank called out to Cole,who turned and smiled at him softly.

    “I love you too, dad.”  Connor reciprocated quietly, giving a wave and exiting the room,shutting  the door behind him. Connor did not like this feeling, at first it felt like, an inability  to escape, like he had an automobile on his chest,he felt like hiding at home and never coming out again.  His stress levels rising, steadily. Connor walked to Angelo, he handed him the visitor's badge.

    There was nothing to be said, Connor just had to leave, had to go.The deviant  pressed the button repeatedly, ‘ I have to get out if here, I can't do this. I can't. I can't.’

          ‘No you can't  Connor, you always fail your missions.’

          ‘Not right now Amanda!’  

    The elevator  opened and Connor walked in and hit the ground floor button letting the  door close. He put his index and middle finger to his head. ‘ Markus, I need help.’   Connor sent the thought as he leaned against the wall of the elevator running his hands through the dark hair and folding at the waist slightly, he was trying to reign himself in.

    ‘ Where are you Connor? What's wrong?’

    ‘Leaving the Detroits Receiving  Hospital, Stress levels are at 86% and climbing. I don't  want to be alone right now.’

    ‘Ok, stay calm Connor.  When you get to the front of the hospital go to the garden, once there take a seat in the shade and count the blades of grass, I will be as fast as possible.’

    ‘Sure.’ The deviant  thought back as he exited the elevator, he practically ran to the garden.  His thirium pump working extra hard, to try and even himself out. His eyes scanned the area for shade, and wasn't  disappointed, he walked over to it, laid on his stomach and just started counting the individual blades of grass.

   Waiting for Markus.

#softgreysweatersbutwithfanfic #vampirzycal3 #tshehausfsnksdg #detroit: bh #detroit become human #dbh hank #dbh connor #dbh #angst #sad connor #mad connor #stress #depression #fanfic #fanfiction #d:bh #did i get all of them? #oh i hope so #sad #to be continued #cole anderson #detroit:become human #connor: become cole #spoiler: it gets worse. #spoiler: the tower scene #pandorafics #Remember Me

[swithe-ist]

ok so one thing that annoyed me about the sequels, that they’ve just ignored here too, is that Luke Skywalker might be son of the chosen one or whatever, but at the end of the day he’s a) poorly trained and b) a farmboy.

it’s one thing to be naturally good at stuff, but he needs more training! jediism is philosophy and religion. he needs to be neck deep in books + holocrons rn. I can totally buy him being, again, naturally good with the force and maybe even a naturally good communicator (lol).

but how can he just start a school without any knowledge of how to teach? terminology? history? context? how can he define his flavour of belief without fully grasping what came before? ahsoka could be of some help, but it also kind of boggles my mind that she’s calling him a master. how has he proven his claim to that? ghosts off-screen? he’s still so young!

it doesn’t help that it feels like sw hasn’t properly decided how anakin skywalker’s sacrifice was supposed to work. or what ‘the chosen one’ was supposed to believe and pass on and where luke fits into this going forwards.

idk I feel like everything’s a jumbled, poorly thought out mess that they’re only making worse and worse.

I’d much rather they pivot to side characters now than keep poking the hornet’s nest of skywalker stuff.

#star wars #luke skywalker #ahsoka tano

[petitvon]

Ok so I think I'm starting to develop a simultaneous crush on both, an ENFP and an INTJ lmao. The problem is, I'm not sure I like any of them seriously, and more importantly, I don't think none of them actually do like me back. RN I think I'm crushing harder for the INTJ guy because he activates the reward system in my brain with his detached and standoffish behavior, he is way too intelligent and I love listening to him spur facts and make little demonstrations of his big brains, but that is not to say the ENFP is far behind, I enjoy how insightful and carefree our conversations are, and the easiness he spots flaws in arguments, idk... feels like a cosmic connection at times, but I'm kinda afraid he's starting to make up some image of me in his head and that I might later on feel obligated to assume.

Anyway I hung out with both this weekend, and both outings were enjoyable on their own. Wouldn't mind meeting them a second time any day.

Friends have told me that INTJ guy seems to have an interest and based on his mbti that's a good sign. But I'm not sure if he really is interested or just looking for some leisure, and if so, is he interested in me as a person or as an study object? He has mentioned his own crush a handful of times already, unprompted lol, so I'm not sure how much of the "good sign" my friends assume it is it actually is lol.

I can't read him at all, at times I feel lame and lost and not sure on how to interact with him lol. Idk, I just wish I could get some kind of signal from him, anything I can get the hint of at least.

As for ENFP guy, I think I can read him fairly well and I can see him making weird concoctions of me in his head. He is very touchy and uninhibited so I guess that's a rather obvious sign of having an interest in someone according to sexual behavior cues, BUT, he was very honest about not being sure if he either likes me or just feels attracted to my vibe (big mood tbh), and I don't blame him for it lol.

On a funny side note, both guys have the same name as one of their two names lol. They both got cute eyes and deep stares as well.

The thing is, even though my head is jumbled mess of thoughts and questions, I can't discuss this with many friends, because they start to poke fun at me for being in a RomanticTM predicament for the first time, I wish they found it less amusing and more friendly advice-like. I just want some insight and to tell someone about my silly little crushes. Just that.

#delete laterr #silly mind buggers #kinda like cam I rant to you for 30 minutes nonstop about a topic I have an hyperfixation on without you interrupting or judging me #and then can I listen to your insight or whatever you have to say??? #help??? ig

[nemossubmarine]

Cahair: 1, 7, 9, 15, 21, 31, 39, B, H!

Yes. the other certified Nemo’s OC™. Let’s see how sad we get.

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?Pre-incident: Hours upon hours, he was passive as fuck as a child.Post-incident: He’s a bit more nervously anxious about stillness these days, but if it’s stuff like, say, keeping watch? Technically not doing nothing, but it is a duty so, yeah, that he can do. There’s still that scout in him, he just doesn’t like doing nothing in his free time anymore. Mostly this inability to sit still relates to the fact that working for the benefit of the group (clan or ship) = showing love. When he knew he was leaving his clan, he worked his ass off to show that he still cared despite his departure. On the ship, he feels guilty that he still can’t belong, and working takes away the guilt, and maybe he hopes if he can get himself into such a position that a lot of the people in the ship consider him irreplaceable, he wouldn’t want to snatch Richard and leave, but like, that’s gonna just make him feel more guilty…. (hey, have you met my mess of a boy lately?)

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?Meeting other Dalish people, hearing elven from someone else’s mouth than his. Nostalgia is very bittersweet to him, he misses the past terribly, but every memory is kinda tainted by what came after and his knowledge that he really wasn’t content there ever, just telling himself so bc of his love for Harralan.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Yeah Cahair swears, but mostly in elven (don’t remember if I’ve ever swore in “human” while playing him), because human swears doesn’t really capture his anger.

I would think swearing is pretty lively among the elves; A) they got a lot of things to swear about B) hey that’s still part of a dying language, better keep it alive; so he probably started swearing so young, that he wouldn’t remember what his first swear word was.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?Cahair’s kinda awkward. Especially if he is scared, or angry, or in a strange situation, that’s when the stuttering starts. He jumbles words, speaks too quickly, doesn’t always finish thoughts. He rehearses a lot of stuff in his mind first, but whatever he rehearsed he abandons as soon as the real situation happens. (I remember thinking a lot of what Cahair would like to say to Harralan if we ever met him again, and then we met him, and yeah, that got thrown out of the window immediately, so I guess I’m the same, eh? :D)

21. Why do they get up in the morning? Because he has a duty for the ship and ultimately for his people to survive (see also question 1) (also ouch).

31. Who are they the most glad to have met? Can I be super sappy for a moment and say Richard? It might be a bit soon to say, but rn he feels that Richard has def slowed down/stopped a downwards spiral, and brought peace in his world.

(if Richard turns out to be…. not a good answer, I think Aideen or Elspet for their friendship are definitely close runner-up answers).

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?Are they human? Are they an elf? A race has a lot to do with it, he’s definitely very critical on human flaws, esp if they relate to him (bc if it relates to him, and it’s a human, it’s def always a race thing). A gross dwarf is just kinda gross, can get along with, a gross human is the worst. He used to be master-class flaw-ignorer in elves, but these days he might catch himself being more critical with (Dalish) elves than before (city elves did nothing wrong). Oh yeah, and is he in love with them? I don’t think this needs elaboration…

B) What inspired you to create them?Well, our party needed an elf… Hah. Seriously, we kinda started our campaign quickly, so I didn’t have time to think much. Basically I waited until others had picked races and classes and then went, ok, we need an elf, I can be Dalish, since I know about them. Cahair was super-simple at first, baby’s first RP character, most of his personality, flaws and history came through playing.

H) What trait do you admire most?The strength to continue, to move on, to know when he has to go; the fact that even when everyone would have thought that he should stay with his clan; he knew he couldn’t, that it would be worse for everyone if he did. So he took that first step and left behind the world he knew. (and yeah, it was due to a traumatic incident that he ultimately left, but that could have gone in so many different ways, and the last line is that he tries so hard to find a place for himself) (and also yeah, he had to leave his clan bc he’s a PC, but hey, it can still be a character moment :D)

#nemo replies #arctic urpo #cahair teravest #hello hello it is my sad boi

[survivorunfinishedbusiness]

Episode #2 - “Once I’m Not A Moron, It’s All Over For You Hoes” - Mo

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175414062308/immunity-challenge-2

I'm shook that I survived, but I'm even more shook that I didn't even get any votes. Wig slightly blown away. So anyways time to not pretend my computer is dead and to actually do work in this challenge. Andrew wants to create a solid 4 in the likely case that we go to tribal. I think that's important too. Ideally I would want Anna Andrew and Jake. And i think Nicole would go cause she's not that social but that's all just conjecture.

So the twist was a little unsurprising, I called it the night before when I was talking with Amanda. Dani wants to align with me and Nicholas. (She originally wanted Bodhi but I excluded Bodhi because I thought that'd be my alliance's first target and I felt I could avoid bloodshed.) HOWEVER, after discussing it, the Night Owls decided that Nicholas would be the first target if we go to tribal, which with this twist is pretty likely. However unless I do some suave talking, planning, and convincing, I'm likely to hurt someone in a potential tribal. I'm stuck between a rock and a knife and my only salvation is immunity. Lord have mercy on my soul. T.T

So far, I like Amanda and Dani, unfortunately they aren't currently aligned but they aren't opposed to eachother either. Meanwhile I'm happy that either Bodhi or Nicholas are likely to go IF we go to tribal, Nicholas is a threat if he meets up with his allies from earlier seasons, and Bodhi, well he seems like he has a bit of a hot-streak. Timmy and Colin, I'm aligned with both of them, but I feel relatively indiffierent when it comes to them. I also realized now that the revealing idol locations thing is such a waste. (Basically after this challenge is over, the entirety of the Reef and the Summit will have been searched.)

[6/29/2018 2:44:35 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Yeah same, I've talked to both of them a little bit and they both seem alright. [6/29/2018 2:45:07 AM] Kori Green: I definitely adore Colin and Timmy though, and I definitely feel like the foursome we have can be REALLY solid. [6/29/2018 2:45:36 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Oh definitely. I'm really pleased with how that group came together [6/29/2018 2:46:41 AM] Kori Green: Yeah, hopefully we can stick together deep into the game, obviously swaps will happen and that might jumble things a bit. (As they do. -.-) But hopefully we all go far. [6/29/2018 2:47:15 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Hopefully the survivor powers that be will keep us all together! [6/29/2018 2:47:29 AM] Kori Green: I just keep thinking, 21 people wow, this is gonna be an incredibly long game if we DO in fact go deep. xd [6/29/2018 2:47:57 AM] Amanda Lynn (Athena Admin): Oof yeah I see a 60 day game, easily [6/29/2018 2:48:08 AM] Kori Green: The only other twist I worry about breathing into existence is a Double-Tribal scenario where one tribe wins and the other two tribes vote a player out each. (A series of logs that showcase my working with Amanda... and my extraordinary psychic abilities.)

MY ASS JUST FOUND THE IDOL BITCHES! U ALL BETTER WATCH TF OUT! IM HERE TO WIN <3

Amanda made a really good point when I was on call with her; She said that the immunity challenge post only said that two people will be leaving, not that there will be two separate tribal councils. So it could be one tribal where the top two vote getters leave which is extremely scary. Now we're going to be fighting a lot harder in the challenge but if we do lose I would much rather lose with Talio than with Vindicta just because of who is on that tribe. It would be so easy to take out Nicholas if it is two separate tribal councils since we have the numbers and he has people who he would never vote out on other tribes, but if we go to tribal with Vindicta, Julia is there so he will vote with her. I don't want a situation to arise where I feel like I need to go against my alliance because it is so early and I trust them. But if something does happen I would want Amanda to know because I don't want to go against her. She is who I trust the most right now and I want to go far in this game with her. As for this challenge, she made a study guide for it and I am really grateful for all the effort she has done with this challenge because it gives us a great chance to win. I'm probably going to have a paper in front of me that is just all of that information copied so I don't have to worry about switching tabs to that and risk it not loading fast enough.

Well I'm sitting out, which basically means if we lose the challenge it can't even remotely be my fault. I'm still working out a plan if we do lose, if I can find a way to keep Dani still aligned to me after a potential tribal council we'll be golden.

Okay so I'm playing really crackedt but I think I'm genuinely playing out a good strategy rn?? my plan is to, like, take the current alliance I have and RUN with it. I want a clear tribe divide, us vs them mentality, flat out DISCOURSE. Amanda is v v honestly my closest ally and I think her and I are kinda on the same wavelength. We want to keep Dani, Nicholas and Bodhi completely in the dark if we do go to tribal. We have a plan that should work, so they won't even know there's a tribe divide until after the votes are ready. The only thing standing in the way of this right now is Kori. I love him sm and I trust him entirely, but he seems like he might have ties to Dani. I gotta find a way to cut that so it doesn't become a future problem. But I think for the most part this is gonna work really well for me hehe. and I def look forward to playing a super crackedt game this season!

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175456874288/immunity-results-2

Talio wins immunity, sending Vindicta & Audax to tribal.

McFUCK WE LOST. Ryan was the only one who scored points because I had shitty internet and a lack of confidence. Just wait, once I’m not a moron it’s all over for you hoes.

Im gonna be honest I’m not in the mood nor do I wanna put effort into being all quiet and secretive in pm’s. So I just decided to throw Ryan M. into the spotlight because the guy hasn’t done anything. I mean I feel like it’s the obvious choice to vote him out because he’s been so inactive. So I just said who I was voting for in main chat. This could backfire on me but Im trying to be assertive and bold.

SADNESS!!!!!!!!!! I AM SAD! :(

ok so we lost and its totally because my internet wasnt working...i would have killed this if my internet wasnt such shit...but now we are going to tribal...and i really want mo out....but its gonna be impossible to convince these people to do that instead of voting ryan m...so im hoping we can just find the idol so he can save himself that way....john and mo need to go they have too many allies on the other tribes

HELLO ATTENTION WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! I have gone to every single tribal in my Athena history and this tribal guess who's NOT GONNA BE ATTENDING? ? ? ? ? THIS FUCKING CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy i deserve this. anyone who watched Hogsmeade KNOWS how much i deserve this. im just ELATED RIGHT NOW I LOVE TALIO SO MUCH I HAVE THE BEST TRIBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we lost :( sad but its ok because we've already discussed this possibility and we have a plan so ? wig? less first tribal stress for me! 

GUESS WHAT THE FUCK I FOUND BITCHES! Day 2 I found the legacy advantage, and day 4 I found the fucking IDOL. I'm ready to use these to the best of my abilities. If I have any fucking feeling that I'm going home I'm pulling that idol right outta my cooch and using it! Dana gave some good fucking advice.

Welp, I'm now in the complex situation of 2 alliances, (Amanda, Colin, and Timmy) as well as (Dani, Bodhi, and Nicholas). While I definitely feel more comfortable with Amanda Colin and Timmy, I worry if they are more competent than me, I might be feeding a goat game. Meanwhile I can't feel myself trusting Bodhi or Nicholas, but Dani I feel a real connection to. If I vote with the Night Owls, Nicholas is going home, meanwhile if I vote with the "Audux Majority" it's likely Amanda who goes home. This vote could have a very big impact, both on my game and the direction of everything as a whole. Regardless of who I vote, there is bound to be hurt feelings, and I can't throw my vote as that'd just lead to a tie, and then I'd have to choose AND I'd lose trust from all sides as I'd look wishy-washy.

I might be going home tomorrow but I feel god in this chili’s tonight.

Kori is so dumb. He's now trying to play both sides of the game. And he's doing it TERRIBLY. He's throwing me under the bus and trying to spread information that doesn't need to be spread. if he fucks up the plan to get Nicholas out tonight I'm gonna be so angry. Like this is way messier than it needs to be, solely because of Kori. We're just supposed to blindside Nicholas and use Bodhi as a decoy to flush idols, but he's trying to do damage control and add all these layers that don't need to be added. Idk where his loyalties lie. He had a strong majority alliance but now none of us in it trust him. He done played himself!!

This vote is a hot mess, it's either Timmy or Nicholas at the surface, but we'll see what happens, an idol play or something else crazy could easily derail everything. Whatever does happen there is gonna be a lot of broke pieces to pick up post-tribal and I hope I can keep myself afloat.

Honestly, what the fuck is happening. It is week 2 and I don't need this stress, like we have a solid group voting for Nicholas there shouldn't be this much drama dealing with 3 other people. Right now though Nicholas should be feeling very safe because his name hasn't been thrown out there because the plan was to say Bodhi and then somehow my alliance decided, WITHOUT TELLING ME, that it would be a good idea to get my name out there too. Like wtf is that. I don't mind too much because we have the numbers, but let me know if you're going to do that before you do it. As long as Nicholas goes this round that is all that matters.

i got some piping hot tea ladies..... i think isaac is trying to start things bc idk how much i can trust him but apparently he told blake that ryan m doesnt like me or blake... which sounds really sus but i dont like ryan m anyway so he's gotta go!!! i dont think im getting votes this round .. maybe from ryan m .. but definitely not majority because i have my alliance and i think john and mo like me a lot... and OH YA! we have the idol so we dont need to worry about anyone idoling.. hopefully i survive this vote!!

So so so so SO happy my tribe won this immunity! I did not want to go to tribal again, and now I’m guaranteed at least final 18. I also went to Andrew before this and said that we should make a solid group, pushing for him to do it because I did not want to get the blood on my hands in case something went wrong (sarry babe) I knew he liked Kevin so I suggested him as a core 3, and as a 4th he suggested Anna which I’m fine with. SO with that, Wigs was birthed. I also have a 2 person alliance with just... Nathan lmao. So that leaves Nicole out of it but I’m pretty sure Nathan is closer to her or something. But I don’t think any of it matters because I have a hunch that we’re gonna swap tribes next round ugh. I’m nervous but hoping that I stick with my WIG allies and maybe meet up with people like Timmy and Bodhi who I think will have my back :) And if anything, I still have Luke’s idol tucked hidden in my crotch x

The vote this round kept fliping because this game is full of crackheads. Also apparently Amanda Lynn is homophobic? Shook.

So some updates! Julia is wonderful - we send each other pics of monkeys and alpacas. Blake is still pretty cool as well. We lost the challenge and it turns out ryan Matthew still hasn't talked to anybody. I hate it because I don't want to write his name down, I enjoy working with him in games but this doesn't seem like the best time for him. And looking down the line it could be good to not have somebody in the game I'm going to be paired with. Ry gave me permission to vote for him. Hopefully by voting out my final 2 it will give me a better chance at making the final 2.

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175487781483/tribal-council-2-audax

Nicholas is voted out 4-3. You can watch his preseason interview here.

WTF IM MAKING A VIDEO DR LATER TONIGHT INHAVE SOO MUCH TO SAY! Omg NICHOLAS OVER STAND FOR THE FLAG AND KNEEL FOR THE CROSS ALLIANCE?!? I’m shook!

So I've been busy yeah. Coming into this game I was hoping for more challenges that require individual strength rather than team collaboration. Mo tried to call me out, which isn't a good look. He won't get far, trust me. I know I'm leaving. RTP and John wanted me to stay and we tried something by getting a fourth but it's not going to work out. I told them to vote me out. It's okay. I find the people here ingenuine. They play how I used to. I won a bunch of games by messaging people every day like Blake and Julia but didn't always leave with new friends. I just don't know how to be fake anymore. I only like talking to people if I want to. My final thoughts are that Blake and Mo can choke. Julia eh. Isaac is okay. and RTP and John are so cute.

https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175488601538/tribal-council-3-vindicta

Ryan M. is voted out 6-1. You can watch his preseason interview here.

#writeanewchapter #episodes