I ATE'NT DEAD
To quote a semi-famous line.
Hopefully I’ll update more soon, but things seem to be on an even keel at the moment. I may need to have @grumpyoldsnake come whack me with a wrapping paper tube every time I say “I’m better now!” so I don’t fucking curse myself of something. >.<
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is it seasonal depression or am i just getting worse?
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My Mental Health Journey
Hello, dear followers! Today I want to share with you some aspects of my life that might not always be visible on the surface. It has always been important to me to be open and honest with you, and today I've decided to share a part of my experience.
I am a person with mental disorders. Occasionally, I experience what's known as psychotic breakdowns. These can affect my work, relationships, and various areas of my life. I have been provisionally diagnosed with two conditions: schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. However, obtaining an accurate mental health diagnosis is no easy task, especially in my country. I encounter a range of symptoms that can temporarily limit me in my daily activities and plans.
Some outward manifestations include the possibility of suddenly stopping my drawing activities, a tendency complaining about problems, and, in worst cases, conflicts/fight with those around me, misunderstandings, and strong reactions to everything, sometimes even threats, particularly in relationships with close people (family, besties). During these times, the experiences can be quite diverse, including aggression that resembles PTSD symptoms, though it's not the same. Moments of mania can precede these periods, during which I might actively post a lot on social media or create numerous drawings in a short span – behavior that would be atypical for me in normal circumstances. In more difficult situations for me personally, this might entail dizziness, sudden urges of self-harm, aggression, and loss of self-control. Importantly, there's no underlying cause for this. I understand that it's primarily due to brain chemistry. Another part: before sleep, I may hear voices and sometimes even experience hallucinations, such as shadow people or patterns on walls. I can become engrossed in delusional ideas, particularly during manic episodes. Consequently, I can sometimes become disconnected from reality, lose my sense of orientation in time and space, and not comprehend what's happening around me. Currently, I am consistently taking medication, and things are going well.
Honestly, I take three different types of pills three times daily, and it can be a bit exhausting. However, it's necessary for me. Honestly, I don't view myself as someone who is mentally ill. I'm normal! I'm just like all of you! Please. Coming to terms with this isn't always easy. There are times when I feel like I’m just overthinking, even though I've been visiting specialists for four years now.
I'm sharing this information not to elicit pity but understand what moments can impact my activity and communication and for the future, because I have not previously written such posts on similar topics here. I believe that open conversations about mental health and personal experiences are crucial. Thank you for your support and understanding. Your support is a valuable source of strength for me when facing challenging times.
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Its the way im screaming and crying and going to hurl
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