#my first anon !! well not really but i feel so accomplished lol

[bunnakit]

hellooo i love reading your opinions but im too shy to ask you this off anon so here it is. I’m like you enjoying the sign and loved the direction of the recent ep so I don’t really understand the divisive reactions on tumblr esp since twitter seems to always heap praise on the show. what are your thoughts on how phaya tharn’s relationship has been paced? and how do you think it may be concluded? I saw some people on here being disheartened and expecting a sad ending but I don’t really see that to be the case and I for one have loved their r/s pacing and also the mythology (my main gripe would be some of the way the cases were handled). but what’s your opinion on that and why people here are more divisive about the show? (While all opinions are valid some of the criticism almost feels nitpicky but I would love to hear your thoughts on this!)

QUICK NOTE- ANON SENT THIS BEFORE THIS SATURDAY'S EPISODE, SO THIS ABOUT EPS 1-8 hello love!! sorry it took me a bit to put together my thoughts and feel like my brain was put together and, well, i still haven't accomplished that but i didn't want to leave you on read any longer. also you're ALWAYS welcome to DM me here or discord or wherever! but i totally get being too shy lol despite how i am on the dash i am also very shy

so, i can kind of understand where people are coming from in that there wasn't a lot of courting between phaya and tharn which may make it seem like their relationship was fast tracked. idk, i'm not entirely sure what other people's thoughts are on it, i've kind of just been scrolling past posts that have complained or seemed like they didn't like it. i welcome everyone's opinions but i don't always want to read all of them (and i expect people not to read mine if it's not for them.)

i think it's important to keep in mind that courtship can look different for everyone and while they didn't go on dates, didn't overtly flirt, etc. they've been performing a delicate dance between each other and flirting very much in their own ways (from the hat tugs, the sparring, the attitude.) sometimes flirting is being obnoxious, getting on someone's nerves simply because you know how. half the time my husband flirts with me is my driving me fucking crazy because he's the only person in the world that knows exactly what makes me tick.

i think it also helps to keep in mind the fantasy element here; that wansarut and sakuna live inside tharn and phaya and are drawn towards each other and i think sometimes tharn and phaya's own feelings and attraction have to play catch up. i think some elements of their dynamic were very much both tharn not wanting to get close because of his fears but also not fully realizing the depths of his feelings because they seemingly came out of nowhere (wansarut.)

overall, i've really enjoyed the pacing, enjoyed how they've fallen together through various circumstances, how we've seen tharn's resistance dwindle until he finally had to let himself have the object of his desire. i also think it's a very adult relationship, it's really not all that messy or complicated once you remove the fantasy elements. sometimes desire comes first and love comes later. sometimes things begin physical and end in love.

there is no set roadmap for romance or relationships and to pigeon hole BL couples into a set pattern is a little silly in my opinion. their journey just looks a little different, it doesn't mean they aren't in love. we also have to keep in mind that there's so much going on in this show plot wise that to focus more on romance and courtship would steal time away from other elements that are already struggling to get addressed.

"but doesnt that mean the show is trying to do too much?"

sure, but i'd rather a show strive to do too much than do too little. i love to see the ambition and the passion behind it and even if things aren't concluded perfectly there's so much the sign has done right (addressing that men are also victims of sexual assault, constantly reminding us that tharn - while smaller and seemingly more 'effeminate' - is still every bit as strong and capable as phaya, the continuous reminders that they are a switch partnership, showing us that sex can be goofy and funny with khem and thongtai, etc.) i'd much rather all of this than to watch a show that made me feel nothing at the end of the day and the show has done SO much to educate foreigners on Thai culture. (the copaganda could go tho, we all know i'm an ACAB bitch so i DO have to wear blinders during those scenes lmao)

sorry- i got a wee bit off track. ANYWAY how would i like to see it concluded?

i'm a little torn because there are so many ways i'd be happy. i'd be happy if they finally rid themselves of chalothorn forever and were finally able to be together in peace. (i think everyone's ideal ending)

i'd be happy with a timeline where phaya dies to protect tharn in a reverse parallel of their first life, with a renewed promise.

i'd be happy if they died together and began the cycle once again.

two of these i recognize are HELLA unpopular opinions, but there's really not much this show could do to make me unhappy as long as they stick to the story and the narrative foils they've put in place. i think the only thing i would be unhappy with is if something felt like it came out of left field.

thank you SO much for this ask. i was so flattered i read it out loud to my husband the other day. i'm always SO open to asks like this and really find it so sweet that anyone out there values my opinion at all, i'm just a silly little guy

#the sign #the sign the series #anon my beloved #phayatharn #bunn asks #bunn meta

[4dkellysworld]

Honest self-reflections

After much self-reflection, I've realized that being on here has now become an activity of ego indulgence in some ways. I started @4dbarbie-archive initially to sort & organise all of Ada's content in a way I liked as well as learn & make sense of her teachings, which creating the 4dbarbie remix posts have been most pivotal in. Then there were some thoughts I wanted to share and I created this blog and shared some of my experiences and thoughts with my writings and journal entries. I came here with some objectives and accomplished that; it was most rewarding and enlightening.

It's only been a week and a half since I first created @4dbarbie-archive and just over a week since I created this blog (feels a lot longer though lol) but now I feel like I ended up becoming too involved in this community and my ego feels a bit addicted & attached and almost obligated to continue being involved in order to help others out. This is counterintuitive to the journey of self-realization; the opposite of letting go of identity/thoughts/ego/externals in order to realize Self. It's hard to completely detach from all that while being on here.

I have really enjoyed my time here and am grateful for the experience but now I've realised it has become more of an obstacle on my path to self-realization. Of course, I'm sure others are able to continue being on this platform in a healthy way while still progressing on their own journey and not attach identity to it but personally for myself, it would be easier & better to step away for a bit and take time to just be in silence and focus inwards on Self.

To help others, I want to first know my Self completely. As Nisargadatta Maharaj said, you need not know to be, but you must be to know. To know is to be. Meaning you do not need to read a ton of information about non-dualism to realize your Self, it is not necessary at all and at some point after you have gained adequate understanding, it is just feeding the mind and ego. You need to experience your Self in order to truly know who you are. This is something that no amount of reading will accomplish (if only!!) because our Self is beyond the mind and not something that can be truly understood through words and intellect alone (which are just concepts). At some point, you just have to dive right in and do it yourself, and going all in is sometimes the best way to do it instead of having one foot in and the other foot out. This is something that success stories have all taught me and I want to thank all who shared their experiences, it most definitely does teach things that theory alone cannot. 🤍

As Lester Levenson said "If anyone of us could stop thinking right now and remain that way, he would be an unlimited Being from this moment on. It really is that simple, though not necessarily an easy accomplishment." Session 4: Happiness of The Keys to Ultimate Freedom

This is not goodbye but more of a see you later. This blog will remain up but I will be taking a pause from Tumblr to let go and go within. How long? However long it takes. I have no expectations or idea on that nor do I care. Though when I do come back (whenever that may be), I hope to see many more success stories of others who have also gone within, realized their true Self and are experiencing beautiful dreams. 🩷

It's going to be a bit hard to go cold turkey cos there is some attachment to this community so I might linger for a bit but again I know this is my ego and mind grasping on and I want to let go of this (the quote "Let go of your earthly tether" from Legend of Korra comes to mind and I love that). I know Ada would agree with what I'm doing too.

Special shout out to @adadisciple for creating her blog as a hub for all of 4dbarbie students to come together and share their experiences! Without your blog (and the anons!), I could not have had some of the realizations I have now so thank you! And it was nice working with you as a team at times over the past week to answer some asks. Don't forget to take care of yourself and don't sacrifice your own personal journey for the sake of your blog! And this goes for the other ND blogs too! You guys are all amazing.

Take care, everyone! Do what's best for you first and remember that this is all just a dream. There is no "must" in anything. It's all just a dream so make it beautiful 😌

May we all realize our Self.

--- Kelly out ♡

#diary #self reflection

[mimiatmidnight]

So, twelve hours post, here is my first round of thoughts:

I will never recover from all the baby clips. NEVER. RECOVER.

Doria is the classiest, most dignified person in history. That poor woman deserves a medal for what she endured so strongly.

The producers did such a fantastic job of weaving the love-storytelling in with the historical discussions and the present-day narrative. And MAN what a love story. I really thought I had a good sense of them before, but I feel so different now. I see them and their love in a new light. Which, hey, isn't that the exact point of this whole thing? So, mission accomplished. I am completely warmed and enchanted.

I especially feel I understand so much more about who they were before each other. I love how dedicated the producers were to establishing Meghan's pre-Harry personhood and just how much she lost to be with him. And I was so unspeakably moved by Harry's recounting of his relationship to the people of Lesotho and Botswana. How they took him in when he had no place he felt at home. How it fundamentally shifted his development into the man he would be become. Genuinely one of the most beautiful stories in the whole production.

Meghan is better than me because if I had to meet my future in-laws and there in my kitchen was Kate Middleton looking at me the way Kate Middleton looks at people, I would be on the next plane back to America. EXPEDITIOUSLY.

Also um can we take a sec to laugh at how Cambridge stans (esp those in the rota) are taking personal offense to Harry's cheeky but astute observation about his male relatives marrying for convenience rather than love? SO funny. I think he was very obviously talking about his parents, but hey if you wanna be like "This is so clearly about William and Kate" like . . . Ok mama, if the tiara fucking fits!!!!

Meghan is better at communicating the warm, gooey, happy parts of the story, and Harry is FAR better at communicating the serious, difficult, upsetting parts of the story -- the "shocking revelations," if you will. Meg is seemingly still struggling with this incredibly frustrating naivete surrounding their situation, and it does not come across the screen well to me. But that is a discussion for others to have, so that's all I'll say on that.

The Black historians and political commentators they brought on were absolutely critical to nailing that side of the story. Afua Hirsch was my very favorite.

I've already gotten at least one anon asking about my perspective on the addressing of Harry's SS costume. I appreciate the interest, but no. I am the granddaughter of a Holocaust survivor. My family and I have been discussing how to internalize and process Harry specifically, as well as people like him, for years now. And it's not something I'm willing to do over the internet with strangers. Sorry, but I hope you can understand.

Mandana's scene was so funny. She was like "Royal expert? You literally just made that up right now 🤨" LMAO

Ashleigh's appearance knocked me BACK omg. I'm so touched to see how they connected all those years ago, and I hope they have found a way to reconnect, away from all that sabotage.

As I posted just before, the way they are juuuuust planting the seeds for the Jason storyline to come . . . literal fucking chills.

I love that they know which photos of them are iconic. When the umbrella shot showed up I was like "Yeah they know that was history right there" 😌

Oh and showing them Meghan's old This or That interview, the producers are SO real for that kjgfhfdgfjgh

Please believe me when I tell you that I am not usually one to be all "Ohhhhh Diana ohhhhh she's looking down on them ohhhh this or that." Lol. But the clip of Archie reaching his little hand to her photo on the wall, and not to her face, which babies are neurologically wired to focus on, but to her hands. Yeah a bitch might just have teared up or whatever 🥲

I thought the whole thing was really well produced. So far, it's not the nuclear war all those panicking lil media experts were predicting. But my sense is that Volume I was very much an introduction to lay the groundwork for whatever we're about to go through in Volume II. And I cannot wait. For the time being, I am so over the moon to be granted this truly moving glimpse into what a beautiful life Harry and Meghan have built for themselves.

#meghan markle #prince harry

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hello!! i hope you’re having a good day!! I would like to ask for a BG3 matchup, please!! To make it easier for you, I’ve added anything that might be necessary here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-9dv4INxKsRYGLfZR22P7dUNY6gNqXnzEklxj_uxbhw/edit

A/N: Lol, I feel you w/ the undercut thing. If I let all my natural hair grow out, it would be its own situation every morning lol. Because you didn’t specify gender preference, I picked one male and female companion for you. 

For you, Google Doc Anon, I think you’d match best with Astarion (Male) and Lae'zel (Female)!

➶ Astarion is an independent person as well. Before he was turned he was a magistrate, a corrupt independent player who was very influential in getting what he wanted done. Of course, after being changed by Cazador, he lost all of his influence but managed to retain his aloofness and ambition. After getting a taste of freedom following 200 years of servitude, he’s insanely stubborn, and very vocal when it comes to voicing his displeasure about doing things. He makes it clear that he’s capable, but his capability is very intertwined with how much he wants to do something, similar to you. He finds such behavior to make sense and has absolutely no problems defending your thought process to anyone who complains. 

Granted, due to your shorter stature, he may not take you seriously upon first meeting you (he does make a fair amount of gnome jokes in game), but once he gets to know you, that all changes. He actually really likes your height difference because it makes him feel all the more  (dominant lol) in charge for once. And he loves, loves, loves your hair! He can’t see his hair in the mirror, but he likes to imagine it looks as cool as yours. He might even ask for your help dying his hair- of course, you’d have to try the colors first so he could see how they’d look on you before he’d dare try putting them on him, but that’s half the fun, right? 

Astarion enjoys the arts. Back as a magistrate, he’d frequent the theater and art shows, get the best-tailored clothes with the fanciest embroidery- anything that crossed art over with luxury, oh boy was he down. He wouldn’t ask you outright, he has his pride, but please please study him and draw him. He hasn’t seen his appearance in so long, and being able to see it through your gifted eyes would be such a marvelous treat. He trusts your craftsmanship 100%. 

And he understands your need for alone time. He, despite putting on a good show for everyone, is very drained after a day of ‘performing’. He needs time alone with you, just the two of you being quiet in order to recharge. He also tends to get a bit snippy when overwhelmed emotionally- which makes sense given his history. So don’t fret, he won’t take it personally if you yell or snap at him because you’re feeling overwhelmed so long as you don’t hold it against him when he occasionally does the same. 

And while he may be pompous at times, in most cases, it’s because he does have the skills to back it up. All the other times however, it’s good he has you to knock him down a peg, and get him to come back down to reality. You let him know he doesn't have to put on a show for you, he doesn't have to pretend. You love him just as he is. And he loves you just as you are. 

💥 Lae’zel is a great match for you because both of you are pragmatic, and disciplined people who do what it takes to accomplish their goals. As you said, you’re an INTP. INTPs tend to search for truth and accuracy, checking situations from multiple logical angles before proceeding. This is very much in tune with several Githyanki principles. However, unlike people who do not take you seriously due to your appearance, Lae’zel takes you as you are, at face value, so long as you’ve proven yourself worthy in your fields, your outer appearance is of no importance to her. 

She is much more focused on battle- the art of fighting. So she is very new to many of the artistic expressions you introduce her to. But if you put a lot of time and effort into your work, she appreciates it, not necessarily for how it turns out, but for the dedication you put into it. She also appreciates how instinctively smart you are. Intelligence is a sign of a worthy ally. 

She too, is not a fan of large groups, preferring to work by herself or with a few she really trusts. You, of course, are someone she trusts explicitly, so to have you around her doesn’t irritate her the way strangers do. In fact, she seeks out your company as a way to destress from the strife working with strangers causes her. 

She understands the need to separate work and social life now that she’s started developing a social life of her own. She respects your boundaries when you ask for time alone to work and does not worry about your loyalty or intentions. 

You are hers. You have said as much. And she is yours. She has said as much. No amount of time spent apart could possibly change that.

#baldurs gate imagine #baldurs gate x reader #bg3 x reader #bg3 imagine #baldurs gate matchups #bg3 imagines #bg3 astarion x reader #bg3 lae'zel x reader #lae'zel imagine #lae'zel x reader #astarion imagine #astarion x reader #bg3 #bg3 matchups #matchups

[belokhvostikova]

I love Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold with all of my heart and I just know when more angst comes I will be crying sobbing.

I love how Eddie definitely grown wiser to handle himself that make women attracted to him, but you can see that it still comes from a place of no self-confidence.

I also love how reader isn't so horny for Eddie and immediately wants to get into his pants, she has her head in the game most of the time and knows some of her boundaries. But she's still someone that wants love, but doesn't want to get hurt.

I really love that this isn't the enemies to lovers trope I thought it was going to go by the title; where it's more fueled in sex than emotional feelings. The type of characters jump into bed on the very first scene at the heat of the moment/when they're arguing. There's nothing wrong with that trope, but this feels refreshing when one character isn't always ready for sex.

I get the feeling that this will be a slow burn and I hope we get more and more emotional connection before somethings happen.

The chemistry is amazing. Flow is amazing. Plot is plotting. Overall it's one of my favourite Eddie x reader series that falls into my personal hall of fame.

You're doing amazing 🤍

I love long commentary, you just made me cry 🥹

Yay, I’m so ready for the angst! Yes, yes! Eddie’s confidence is very much a facade that has overtaken itself, just so he can have a different life! We’re seeing small peaks of it, but he desperately does not want to be the so-called “loser freak,” as he was known in Hawkins. You can even see it when he doesn’t receive a phone call from Reader, he’s immediate response to her rejection is to find someone else he can be with, so he’s not a “loser.”

Very hurt boy way of thinking! Very asshole way of thinking!

And Reader, of course there was still that underlying attraction to Eddie from when he was her coffeehouse crush, but finding out who he was has definitely hardened herself around him! You’ll see it further into the story, but her ex had cause why the detriment to her trust issues, which is why she’s making the smart decision to not latch onto Eddie! This is very a much a game to her for the sake of Winnie. But as they progress, maybe those feelings are going to get more real… AHH 🙂

And yes, you’re right! While Reader isn’t the biggest fan of Eddie, she still has to “like” him for the plan. So, not total enemies, but the banter is definitely there to get on each other’s nerves, definitely to overcompensate for some… feelings.

And while I love a good enemies to lovers where they bang it out first, lol, this is definitely not that trope! These bitches will definitely not be canoodling until way later on. I haven’t necessarily done a slow burn, and that trope can be so daunting given the longevity of it all, so hopefully I can articulate it well! I, a hundred percent, want their relationship to development with intimate emotions, not sex, so let’s hope I can accomplish that well!

And, thank you so much! You’re so very kind! I’m always quite insecure about the pacing/flow of my stories, so it means the world that you find it amazing! Again, just thank you, thank you so much <3 it’s not very often I get commentary on my fics, so I love and appreciate this very much, anon!

#revenge is a dish best served cold

[antiradqueerguy]

will try and keep this as brief as possible,

but, as someone who used to be VERY close with ciel and his girlfriend and was there a couple months back when something happened between them (a more major event, there'd been smaller events i'd witnessed but this was a bigger one i'd prefer to keep private for well, to respect their privacy lol) and i mainly hung out with his girlfriend after that event, cause i basically hated him, but she's genuinely unwell without him, i cant go into much detail there either, but basically, you are allowed to feel concern (this does not mean pitying or condemning either party), i mean its not a "typical" dynamic, i've 100% felt that concern (minus the pitying (there was a little condemning ill admit)), but even when i did, my first response when that event happened was "will you be alright", at the time i didnt really know what to do when she said she would be fine, but i trusted her and helped her look further into things, and after a bit (like literally 2 days iirc), she basically vanished (she came back 1 day to hand me ownership of a couple servers and give me a little insight of where she'd been and get updates on what had happened while she was gone, and then deleted her account) (i AGAINNN CANT GO FURTHER INTO THIS), but basically i no longer have contact with either of them (unsure if i'd wish to since that's scary (FOR MY OWN REASONS)) but, unless there were truly something you could do for either of them (there isn't) i think they should be left alone, i mean if this were any "typical" abusive relationship has it ever helped to do things like this?

basically; if the 500 people dming samson have gotten nowhere and this whole situation has served to make HER as the "victim" feel upset, what good are you truly doing, condemning and playing hero in a relationship that has nothing to do with anyone but the two of them, i've seen more than all of the people commenting on this and i can wholeheartedly say now (past me would look at me, mouth agape) that this is the best course for the both of them, ciel used to be alot worse, while that may not mean anything to you guys, this situation could be alot worse than you're making it out to be, especially when both parties have said time and time again that they're okay, with that in mind, what are you all hoping to accomplish with this?

(this is a genuine question and a bit of insight from someone who'd gotten to know the two of them)

howdy doo,

So to answer your question, "what are you all hoping to accomplish with this?"

kind of nothing? i mean your view on the situation is very very very different than mine, and It's always good to have context, I'm not trying to play hero, I'm not a keyboard warrior or something, I'm just some dude on the internet pointing out something which in my own personal opinion and biased knowledge it is something that i view as wrong,

I will not be able to change samson or ciel, and I have no motivation to do so, even when both party's say they are okay and happy, there will still be outside conflict, between maybe some angry mother in law, or some asshole on the internet, or the literal police,

what i have viewed from my outsider monocle and what has been posted publicly and what i have heard from anons, i view as negative,

#anti radqueer #anti

[space-blue]

Why was Sevika being so weird when she first fought with Vi (after the timeskip) and especially when she was about to deliver the killing blow? It looked like she really enjoyed hurting Vi. Attention to the time when she had a manic expression while burning Vi’s face with her mech arm. All the time Vi’s livid with her and never reciprocates her taunting demeanor. Later when Sevika answers Vi’s question of Powder's whereabouts, she taunts her how her sister now works for the guy who destroyed her and her family’s lives and is considered his daughter. Sure, she said these to catch Vi off guard and make the killing blow but uttering them without the goading tone would’ve done the trick. When Sevika prepares to finish her off, she again smugly tells Vi she’d give Jinx her regards. You see what I mean? Why does she act like by overpowering this barely adult person she’s accomplished this great feat? Vi isn’t some stuck up Piltie councilor who’s finally getting what they deserved lol. Like, Vi’s not Silco/ Sevika’s arch-nemesis. Sevika’s last memory of Vi was her as a freaking teenager who tried and failed to stop silco’s uprising. By all means kill her, what’s with the gloating and melodrama?

IDK what to tell you, dear Anon.

You literally has everything down pat. Except maybe for this :

All the time Vi’s livid with her and never reciprocates her taunting demeanor

let me point out Vi started the conversation by trying to retire Sevika's jaw from her face.

Sevika literally never starts a fight with Vi in the entire show. It's always Vi coming and looking for shit. She's just like Jinx and never asks her questions first. I feel like Sevika is entitled to the beat-down she gives Vi.

As to why she looks like she's taking pleasure in it? Well... Because she does? It's just characterisation. It tells us that Sevika has a cruel streak and enjoys having power over people, or at least people who came swinging at her. The way she jabs at Jinx to hurt her emotionally is the same. IMO it's something she learnt to do for Jinx, since she can't really physically manhandle her. Making her cry was probs the best alternative lol

In F&D I addressed that tendency of hers like this (bear in mind this is about VI being Silco's daughter, and they're on the same (reluctant) team) :

--

In that confrontation at the bar she uses her words instead of her fists, the way Silco taught her, many years ago, when he enlisted her to copy pamphlets with a bunch of other kids.

'You're all good at boxing, but this is a different kind of punching, you see,' he'd said, smiling at them as he handed out charcoal pencils and recycled sheets of grey paper. 'When you use the right words on someone, it's like you punch them right in the brain.'

Brain to brain punching. Sevika had thought it hilarious, and it had worked well enough to trick them into copying for him all afternoon. It's a lesson she's never forgotten, and she hones her words, makes them count. An opponent can be thrown off balance by a well placed taunt, sometimes defeated before the battle has even begun.

It's a total knock-out with Vi. The word daughter as good as lays her out.

--

But I made Sevika a little nicer in my story than she is in the show. I think the cruelty is part of her appeal. She's not a good person, even though she fights for a good cause. Her getting her way might also have resulted in fewer deaths (from keeping Jinx on a much tighter leash), but we just can't know.

Sevika is a child of Zaun, and one who did very well for herself. By definition I think this involves a lot of ruthlessness. Cruelty, or an edge of sadism, probably only helps, the same way that sociopathic character traits help CEOs crawl to the top of their companies.

I think that makes her a fantastic character, with a lot more depth. She CLEARLY cares about the dream. She's probably the only character who really gets Silco. She's hard working, she's loyal, she's intelligent... and she's mean and relishes in the hurt she doles out.

Queen behaviour.

#sevika #arcane #arcane sevika #anon ask

[saturnskyline]

i saw you talk about vegas and porsche, and would love your take on porsche and pete. i am torn between 'porsche wanted to protect pete and was ready to kill vegas if pete asked when he fixed him up' but also 'porsche made a deal with vegas and brought pete there without asking pete and that's kinda messed up?' where do you think they will stand post-canon? how does pete feel that they all sort of forgot about him and believed the grandma story?

ohhh anon, thank you so much for this! peteporsche is something very near and dear to my heart 💔💔 besties with trauma or something idk. i feel like there's so many different ways to interpret things, but i'll try to summarize my thoughts as best i can :)

so i've read some really good meta about this... and i know it's wild to link other people's fandom thoughts when asked for my own lol, but they just sum it up so nicely! first, there's this one by lu-sn that is such a fantastic and nuanced take that i can't get enough of it 🙏 basically porsche, whether consciously or not, put his own needs before pete's; he used pete as a bargaining chip to get information and help from vegas. also, in the ep 13 reaction, apo mentions that the last part of the bar conversation, where porsche tells vegas there'll be consequences if he hurts pete again, wasn't originally part of his dialogue. and wowww does that make me insane to hear. so what i'm getting is that, in the original script, porsche was meant to tell vegas he brought pete out for him, and then just. leave? i mean, at least he got a punch for pete in first, but still.. pretty brutal. so i guess that's the side where things look kinda messed up. after all, this seems like clear evidence that the mafia has changed porsche, since he is willing to put his friend in a potentially dangerous situation, even after knowing just how much damage vegas has done to him. now personally, i don't think he did this entirely on purpose, but he had a mission and he was going to accomplish it no matter what. which is... quite staggering when you sit and think about it 🙃

however, to give porsche some credit, there's another great post by kinnspocketporsche where they point out that pete is armed in this situation, while vegas is not, and it's possible that porsche negotiated that condition to ensure that pete would be physically safe if not emotionally. granted, it doesn't make what he did any less stupid, but there's an interesting angle to be had there for sure

so honestly? i think both things are true, somehow. porsche in the bathroom scene, seeing pete's plastered-on smile, tells him that he'll "go handle it" once he knows who's to blame for his pain, and i'm sure that he absolutely meant that. it's such a porsche thing to say; he's so incredibly earnest about seeking justice, putting things right. but if that's the case, did he consider handing pete over to vegas "putting things right"?? it's hard to say, but one thing that rings true to me is how porsche, by the end of the series, is yet another embodiment of pete's line, "there are no heroes or villains in this world". and the further i go with this, the more i realize the extent of the tragic poetry when it comes to these two.. oof

as far as post-canon goes, my headcanon is that pete and porsche remain friends in the odd spirit of borderline "all's well that ends well" that the finale had. i think porsche was (understandably) pretty shocked after the shootout, since he got the wake-up call that he didn't know pete as well as he thought he did. eventually, though, as he adjusts himself further to mafia life, he ends up being more understanding/accepting of pete's new life with vegas than most people. he might even notice similarities between vegaspete's relationship and his own with kinn: how they started in a turbulent way but grew into two people who found and clung to each other at every turn, even with all the odds stacked against them. perhaps, he thinks, that's just the nature of love in this insane world they all live in. however, i also like to think that he makes sure to remind pete that he's there if his friend ever wants an "out" (read: "i will murder him for you, just say the word"), even though pete always firmly declines the offer for obvious reasons lol

as for pete's feelings on being forgotten, i can only imagine how much that stung for him. i'm sure part of him almost expected it ("i never exist. i have no feelings" .... apparently it all comes back to ep 13), which makes things even worse. he knows his role as a bodyguard is to live and die for his masters, but he also knows that kinn does care for his people. hence the pain when kinn says, and i quote, "pete... i totally forgot about him!" 😥😥 it's terrible, and the saddest part is, there's really nothing they can do to make that up to him. korn let him "resign" from working for the family (heavy quotes there bc he really just wants to keep tabs on him in a different way), but they can never compensate for the damage they caused. and maybe that's the main takeaway with all of this: no heroes or villains, no true justice to be found in this life. a bit of a heavy conclusion, but then again. this is the mafia, i suppose :')

#thanks so much for the ask! #my inbox has been kinda busy lately i feel famous hehe #hopefully this is at least somewhat coherent #that's part of why i linked other meta bc i feel like there are lots of people that have articulated this better than me #but it's nice getting my thoughts down anyway #pete saengtham #porsche kittisawasd #kpts #kp meta #anonymous #asks

[galaxythreads]

lore on Five out of Five is an Ideal You Can't Have please!! I love that one soooo much 👉👈

your wish is my command, anon. <3 thanks for the ask.

LORE FOR FIVE OUT OF FIVE:

it was based on this fic

I've tried to do a sensory deprivation fic for Loki more than once. This was the...third? attempt

After watching SPN, writing THor and Loki's relationship was a little easier. Taking the messy dysfunction from SPN and finding areas where it overlaps between the brother pairs was interesting

After taking a break from MCU for the better part of a year, this was the first fic that I wrote and I finished and I felt so accomplished and happy with myself....only for someone to promptly tell me what a terrible job I was doing with the characters on another fic. Made me want to sit in the shame corner, lol. Actually, that's what this venty tumblr post is referring to.

a big portion of this fic was me exploring Thor's relationship with Sif and the Warriors, trying to figure out WHY Thor was chilling with them when he was ignorant to the way they treated his brother. The reason that Thor is so desperate to keep their friendship is because of how severely he and Loki were isolated as children. The fact that anyone would willingly choose to spend time with him outside of their family is utterly baffling to him and something he's desperate to keep

I have absolutely no idea what they killed at the beginning of the fic

I started the fic in Jan of 2021 and then finished it in may 2021 after a run. I very distinctly remember coming back and just wanting to finish something. I think I was about 10 pgs in and just shoved my way through the last bit

I had actually intended for THOR to be the one who was losing his senses when I started this, but it didn't end up that way

"Ranging from books to entire tables and something that Thor suspects is some type of stove" -- this is 1000% a reference to the classic "and even the kitchen sink was there" joke, which I thought was absolutely hilarious

^^^ this is a jab at the Loki series. Most of this is a jab at the Loki series, honestly. Wait. When on earth did I write this--

Oh dear. I was already taking pointed stabs at it and it hadn't even been released yet. Well. That's embarrassing for MCU.

^^^ this was inspired by watching SPN where they would bless cursed objects and that would often fix them.

"Though the cold hadn't bothered him, Sif's continued shivering had made them stop for the night. Loki had pointed her toward his newly made flame without a word." -- this is a reference to The Weeping Siren where they were all making fun of Loki for not being able to light a fire

"Loki's not a witch, but the Norns know he gets the funny feelings of one." -- This is a reference to BBC Merlin fics, where the Knights and Arthur refer to Merlin's magic as his "funny feelings"

^^^ Loki already knew something was wrong right here and didn't say anything because Thor got angry. The effects of the cloth-thing were almost instantaneous.

"There isn't a lot that Loki won't approach if Thor has first and vice versa. Their stupidity often goes hand in hand. And Loki wouldn't even go past the doorway, despite the giant monster that was attacking them. That's…that's probably more than just a funny feeling." -- there is no loki without thor and no thor without loki and that includes them being idiots

---

"His mother has told him endlessly that one of the easiest methods to disperse curses is through fire or some other purifier. Salt sometimes works as well."

^^ i try to make a point in fics to have Thor not be completely ignorant of magic. Look. my sister is really REALLY into rocks and has infected me with knowledge of them despite my best efforts. there is no way Thor hasn't picked up something from listening to Loki rant about it for literal decades.

----

^^^ Loki knew what was happening (mostly) throughout the entire fic. He just wasn't saying anything. From the moment the cloth touched him, Loki couldn't use his magic. He didn't know what to do and he was terrified, but he didn't know how or if he should tell anyone.

---

""You should just speak up," Thor chides patiently, "I'm sure there must be something interesting underneath all of that hair," " -- shameless reference to Dean making fun of Sam's hair for all of SPN.

---

Thor sighs. "Why don't you lay down? I'll get some supplies so we can start bringing down your fever. You should have said something."

A flash of relief and gratitude flickers across his sibling's face, brief, but intense. He wasn't expecting that, Thor realizes. " --- the last time Loki received help for something was..... WHEN??? POINTED LOOK AT HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.

Also this is not me projecting my family issues into this. Nope! (it is. My family issues are everywhere in this)

---

"Thor allows him the moment of weakness, cupping a hand against the back of Loki's neck, trying to reassure him" -- I'm not sure if this is actually true, but I saw on BBC's Sherlock post that you only let people you deeply trust touch the back of your neck. I remember trying to research that as I wrote that line, lol. I never found an answer.

---

^^^ I tried to make a point of showing how differently the Warriors were handling this and Thor. Thor actually addressed the problem and SAW loki, the warriors just ignored him until he annoyed them enough. It's like. The Warriors tolerated Loki and kind of pretend this whole thing wasn't happening. I didn't want them to be complete assholes, but it was a tough balance to write. They mostly ended up being assholes, lol.

---

"Frigga smiles warmly at him, but her eyes are distant and dark. Thor looks, but isn't surprised that he can't see his father anywhere." --- ALSO making a point about how ABSENT Odin is from his children's lives. Frigga is there. Odin is just GONE.

---

"Mindlessly, Thor dumps off his part of the recovered stolen items to the palace's head of artifacts and goes to give his report to his father." --- Loki is in the hospital and he is dying. They know this. Odin is in the throne room. He wasn't busy. Thor talked with him almost instantly. Odin was in the throne room by choice and couldn't be bothered to make an appearance in the healing wing. This wasn't an accident, it was intentional character placement.

----

""If your brother had been killed, you can't imagine the realm-wide mess—" Odin releases a breath, stopping himself, -- I firmly believe that if Loki were to actually die, he would revert to his Jotun form and that would cause the realms-wide mess Odin is talking about.

----

"—a witch created that to kill her enemies quickly and painfully by removing their senses then shutting down organs. I'd only heard rumors that her enchanted objects were still around. She created more than a dozen to send to her enemies." --- I like to imagine this was one of the witches that raised Frigga. That's how she recognized it so quickly.

---

One of the few stories that I didn't end on a happy ending. It's kind of a bittersweet ending and this was intentional. I read this fic where Loki got possessed by like this mirror thing (mirror,mirror by lise, a03), and it ended as a MESS and it was so satisfying. XD

#my fics #me as person #answered #writing lore #five out of five is an ideal you can't have

[septemberrie]

Hi! How's my favorite writer doing? 😊 i've been thinking about rosalind and what we've been told about her or seen in the show (canon rosalind i guess) and trying to understand her character a bit more.

When i first watched s1 and farah described her as a zealot i thought it was a weird way to describe her; english is not my first language and the definition of zealot had religious or political connotations to me, so i didn't understand how it applied to rosalind and her mission to kill burned ones. After finding out she had been looking for the dragon flame and how sebastian made her and his father sound like two sides of the same coin in s2, her murdering a town full of witches and what she told farah about a war coming (which didn't seem like she was talking about burned ones) sounds more like a zealot to me. Maybe she intended to start a war against witches and kill them all; she'd been training fairies and specialists for years, but finding the dragon flame was important to ensure victory.

Idk i feel like rosalind is the one character in the show that's not clear to me at all lol i keep asking myself why she did the things she did and why did she do things the way she did... what's your take on her?

hello my favorite anon!!! how are you doing? sorry again for the delay but I'm back with my computer now, unfortunately not well-rested at all from the holiday thanks to weather related shenanigans but it's all good!

this is so interesting, I absolutely love hearing your take on her! and I'm always endlessly fascinated by variations in language so thanks for sharing!!

I really did love how they set up Rosalind and Sebastian as foils for each other; an interesting conflict, but I'm pretty disappointed by how Rosalind was killed off so abruptly. I definitely wanted Bloom to kill her but not for her to just roll over and die. It felt like we were cheated of Bloom actually grappling with Rosalind's vs. Sebastian's methods because she just killed Roz out of (deserved) rage instead.

What's my take on Rosalind? When I think of her character I think of control. She was three steps ahead of Farah with the long con to resurrect herself. She essentially planted information for Bloom & co. to find so they could do her work for her. There's a great meta floating around about how she likely knew that they were going to break out Saul and she let it happen because she wanted Saul back at Alfea, plus leverage over Andreas/Riven/Dane once they "failed" to transfer Saul to Polaris so she can punish them.

Farah said that "Rosalind always has a plan." She uses people, and she knows people enough to manipulate them both directly and indirectly.

(Yet another reason her death felt so unearned; all of a sudden she didn't realize that Bloom would be angry that Rosalind killed Farah? Does not compute with everything else we know about her. She knew Andreas was "a sentimental fuckwit" underneath his harsh exterior but she didn't think Bloom would also react similarly??)

All that to say, I did want Roz to die at Bloom's hand but not like that 😅 I wanted more angst, I wanted Roz to really have to sit with the fact that she can't control everything and everyone, or that she can't be free from consequences of said control.

And at the end of the day yes she wants control of the Dragon Flame because that would help her accomplish her mission to eradicate blood witches at any cost. I see it as, she loves control so much she's not going to start a war she can't win, so everything she does is in pursuit of preparing the best possible army so she can ensure the best possible victory. Training Alfean students, harnessing the Dragon Flame, enlisting Luna, getting Farah out of the way who would be the voice of caution/balance.

I think I've rambled enough!! I hope this is helpful but if not it was fun to think about!! Hope everything is going well, I'm trying to get to the light at the end of the tunnel with my own HEX!

#ftwsholidayexchange #fate the winx saga

[misc-obeyme]

https://www.tumblr.com/misc-obeyme/731193426179227648

I know it's been a while since you reblogged the ask game above, but if you're still down I have a few questions for you!

9: What genre is your favourite to write?

17: Could you or could you not successfully pull of a murder (at least in theory)? (<- I understand if you'd rather leave this one unanswered for legal reasons lol)

30: What is, in your opinion, the greatest achievement that you have reached in writing?

Bonus if you feel like it: What is your favorite writing memory that you still look back on fondly?

-💚🌻

PS: I love your writing style so much & I can't wait to catch up on all your works I missed because life was keeping me too busy!! Got some real treats to look forward to these next few days, hehe <3

Hello there, anon! Is 💚🌻 your anon signature? I will add it to the list!

And no worries, I did reblog that a while back, but I'm happy to answer any questions at any time! Any ask game that I reblog, people can send me asks from it any time they like, even if it's been a while lol. I don't mind!

9: What genre is your favourite to write?

My favorite is fantasy without a doubt! That's one of the things I love about Obey Me, too, is that yeah we got a lot of romance happening, but they've also got ~magic~! And demons! And angels!! I'm so into that kind of thing. But when I write original works, it's always fantasy or some kind of fantasy/sci-fi mashup. I just really like worldbuilding and messing around with the possibility of things like magic. It's fun to see how stuff like that can change a story's plot. I also like how no matter how fantastical you get, people and their relationships still tend to work the same way.

17: Could you or could you not successfully pull of a murder (at least in theory)? (<- I understand if you'd rather leave this one unanswered for legal reasons lol)

Listen I might be concerned about answering this if I was at all competent lol. But the reality is that I can't even kill bugs, so murder is just not something I think I would be capable of to begin with. However, if we're considering whether or not I could get away with it, pretending that I was somehow able to commit one in the first place, I still think the answer would be most likely not. I think I'd feel so guilty about having killed someone that I would turn myself in, even if I had some amazing plan to get away with it.

30: What is, in your opinion, the greatest achievement that you have reached in writing?

Okay, well. I am nothing if not the ultimate cheeser. So while I might talk about awards I've won or projects I've finished, I honestly think the greatest achievement I've reached has been right here on this blog. Some of the reactions I've gotten to things I've posted are truly the highest of achievements. Because when I write, my goal is to make people feel something. So when they actually do, then I know I've written something that does what I set out to do. I think this is why I write fluff so much. Because I like making people feel warm and fuzzy. It makes me feel accomplished in a way that awards and such never really have.

Bonus if you feel like it: What is your favorite writing memory that you still look back on fondly?

When it comes to fanfiction, I would say it was the time I was writing Lord of the Rings fanfiction by hand in a spiral notebook and someone in my class was like "Are you writing about Arwen??" And then I had to explain that I was writing fanfiction and it was so embarrassing lol. This was many years ago but it makes me laugh now. I used to write by hand a lot, but I think that was the only time someone looked over my shoulder to see what I was writing.

For original works, it was the time I found my mom had kept almost the entire manuscript of the very first novel I ever wrote. I was fourteen when I wrote it and I printed out every chapter for her to read as I finished it. Years later, in my late twenties, she found it and gave it to me. I read it and oh my gosh it was so funny. But! It's missing the last couple of chapters and I sure don't remember how it ended lol!

writer ask game!

And also I'm so glad you love my writing style!! I hope you enjoy reading what you've missed and welcome back! <3

#these questions were fun #but I apologize for the length of my answers lol #💚🌻 anon #misc answers

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Repost: Ask on BTS at the 2022 Grammys

Anonymous: I'm sad for the boys. They really deserved that award but you were right BPP. I went back to read the posts on your blog about it and I just wonder where that confidence other people seemed to have that they are winning, where did that confidence even come from? To see someone who sounded so sure and convinced that BTS would win got my hopes up and I was a bit upset that you were the person underplaying BTS when you said you weren't optimistic for them. But you were right. I owe you an apology but can you pls explain why you were skeptical? I'm happy for Doja and Sza cause they deserve it, and a lot of armys look happy for Doja too, but BTS also did everything right. I feel a strong sense of disappointment but at least we have the concerts.

**

Hi Anon,

I get you. Believe me, this is not the sort of thing I want to say I told you so about. I wanted to be wrong, but I’m not blind or stupid.

Jon Batiste, THE Jon Batiste, is the first Black artist to win Album of the Year in 14 years. 14 YEARS. Even without getting that Grammy award, this man is easily one of the most awarded and accomplished men in that room. He’s almost like the Black version of BTS in terms of accomplishments and accolades at his age. He’d been nominated for Grammys three times before and all those times he was beat out by white men with arguably less achievements even in terms of critical acclaim for their music (and yes not even better music but since that’s subjective let’s just move on lol).

As I said in my posts on the Grammys (linked here and here), this is something I’d been discussing with my friends for a while.

And, I’m about to say something that I really hope isn’t misunderstood, so I’ll try to communicate this as carefully as possible but still read the next paragraph at your own risk.

When discussing BTS’s chances with my friends, sentiments split into two factions, almost entirely along lines of race. I love my white friends dearly, but it’s always so interesting to see how they see the world. I mean this completely unironically. Some of them are very well educated, they’ve taken all the culture studies courses and would be the first people to tell you about ‘gender and race sensitivities’, etc, but they all completely discounted the race factor when it came to the Grammys. They all, without exception, thought that since BTS was nominated last year and didn’t win, the Grammys would just have to give it to them this year. They all really didn’t understand how big of a deal race is in these awards. They were completely blind to its weight. Nearly everybody 'buys' the Grammys and that’s no secret. But the price to pay for it is not equal. And oftentimes, POC musicians and/or industry outsiders get a special tax. Similar to one I’ve observed for Black women in corporate spaces: you have to be overqualified, and then some, to get the same recognition as non-Black colleagues.

The calculus is always, always, different for POC musicians. And this is something I’ve learned the hard way in my own personal experiences as a visible minority, and something ARMY and BTS have learned over the years too. It’s one reason ARMY is so focused on trying to get BTS as high as possible, because to make real impact, you really have to outsing, outsell, outperform, everybody in the fucking room, to get a mildly decent shot. It’s one reason I completely shut out the snide remarks, rumors/speculation they bought the award, and other petty fanwars fodder, cause in the real world, race actually matters. So anon, you ask why I was skeptical? Besides that, some other things set off the alarms in my head.

Before tonight, I felt skeptical because the Grammys snubbed Map of the Soul: Persona in 2019 for the 2020 Grammy awards.

They did the same thing with Map of the Soul: 7 in 2020. That album is so critically acclaimed? So impeccably made? Black Swan literally has it’s own sub-culture. Like, there was no way, no way in hell, that album did not deserve consideration (especially when you look at the competition). I’m not even mentioning its commercial performance. But the Grammys gave one nomination in a secondary category to Dynamite.

Lol.

When I saw that, my mates were elated but I was just laughing. Cause that was bullshit.

So when I saw take two with Butter, I realized what game we were playing. As the night wore on and I noticed Doja hadn’t won in any of the main categories she was nominated for (she honestly deserves any awards she would’ve won and did win - we definitely agree about that and it’s true ARMYs love that for her too), but when I noticed that, I realized she’d get it for the pop duo category. Because for her, that’s a snub but a win - if that makes sense. Note: when I refer to race here, I’m referring to a quality that distinctly ‘others’ you in that notoriously white institution, so while Doja and Sza are obviously not (I mean, look at how they were snubbed for the main categories that it’s clear they deserved), BTS are even more removed - they are Korean, from Korea not the US, primarily singing in Korean (yes it matters, even if it was an English song nominated).

I previously said the concerts feel like insurance, and it again turns out I was right for that too. Because the prevailing sentiments of ARMYs so far is “boo hoo, onto BTS’s sold out four concerts that have literally taken over Vegas.” I promise you anon, many attendees of the Grammys will be at their shows. If BTS is nominated a third time, we’ll see if they’re treated marginally better than Jon Batiste and if they do win the award they should’ve won four years before. But I’m honestly not holding my breath. The Grammys/Recording Academy is an institution that has its days numbered, and you can see that with how they moved a secondary category (pop duo/group) to the main show, excessively used BTS in promotions for the event, placed the announcement of that secondary category towards the very end, and then shoved in all the ads you could imagine right before their slot. I was watching the awards with my non-ARMY friends and even they sensed the desperation enough to comment on it, I didn’t even say anything, just nodded and sipped my Rye and Ginger.

K-pop is literally the only thing that can give that award show any life at all, and that’s more likely to be the case in the coming years because BTS has shown k-pop groups it is possible, and more importantly, shown America how much money there is to be made by having k-pop fandoms engaged, and that is the primary thing the industry cares about if we’re keeping it real lol, and so if for nothing else, BTS has paved the way lmao.

But I actually think BTS won tonight. I mean sincerely, it feels for me like they were the real winners. Like I actually don’t feel bad at all. Because it’s clear as day, every single person in that hall respects them as artists. Their performance was incredible. Nobody could deny it. Their smiles made sitting through that hogfest bearable, and the standing ovation they received was the cherry on top. As it always is with BTS, I feel so proud to be ARMY.

***

Originally posted: April 4th, 2022 8:56am

#bts #grammys 2022 #repost

[chryblossomjjk]

My inner villan morticia addams is SCREAMING after practice 3 🤧🤧 idk why I lowkey wanted to be unrequited love like JAYKAY be like okay BYE BYE BITCH I DON'T DO RELATIONSHIP NOR love you THE SADIST BITCH I WANTED TO BE AT THE VERY VIOLATED MOMENT AND THEN CRY in corner about it 😫👹👹

But I knew it from the beginning that this exhibition of his is going to be all about oc 🙌🏻✨😌 I just knew it all from the start well not me thinking of her portraits and just all her pictures 🫣 but it was so much better then what I had in my cat Brain ♥here'S a BOOTY shake for you as a reward♥

I'm HAPPY ABOUT THEM ATLAST MY OC GOT HER PUSSY WARRIOR A FIGHTER MAN who can fight for her pussy keep it safe 💪🏻💥🤛🏼🤺🏇🗡️💨 and can be Bruce Lee 🥷

😫😫😫 I really wanna say this to all the 3.970 billion men out there especially straight men 😖😒 to learn somthing from this practice jaykay like BITCH 😤 HE KNOWS how to please a woman in all way

he literally can f🍈🍈k you in all mood ✨✨✨ who just knows how to fuck in all possible way 🫠 who is not selfish and let you come first Everytime 😾

At the end I just love the way you have accomplished and win my heart with that smut and writing keep giving it to me Kiki (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥ and I will keep dancing for you 💃🏻💃🏻

(⁠ ͝⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ͡⁠°⁠) also I'm super excited for our NEXT jaykay sexy dripness I'm all spread out for NEXT

= sexy 🌶️ daddy anon

BBY I LOVE YOU !!!

i know quite a few people wanted or expected it to be unrequited love, so i hope the lil firework breadcrumb changed the mood lol. i don’t think it turned out to be as big of a reveal as i thought it would but HEY TIS OKAY LOL 💗

also cat brain is v smart n cute !! i think jk liked the idea without oc! but when his feelings morphed from a little crush into something more he was like hmmm…. what if i just… slip this in here n see how she reacts 👀

and the whole reason the series even started was bc kiki had a wild fantasy of a man actually caring about making their partner feel good 😪 ik guys, so sorry for how unrealistic this was LMAO (jokes but… am i wrong? 🤨)

thank you so much for reading and taking the time to send this. really does mean a lot to me! love you so very much bby!

kiki needs to get back on her smut game!!! i feel like the last two were mid. putting my whole jkussy into this next wip. sexy morally ambiguous dilf uGh we love to see it. 💗

#anon #fic: practice #ALSO BBY #I SHALL DEEM YOU #🌶️ #so if u ever come back just tag the lil pepper n ill know it’s u eep cutie

[uldren-sov]

4, 10, 14, and 28 for a character you want to talk more about! or, alternatively, eva <3

tysm for the asks!!!! im sorry this has taken so long lmao. I definitely want to talk a bit more about the ocs that I've thought of for this one lil fic idea, however they're not super developed yet. And it's hard to talk about my Jedis without visuals so let's just go with the mans (derogatory). And thank you anon!!! This worked out nicely <3

Eva's wife and partner in crime is Evelyn who belongs to @sotc

ASK MEME

Evacios Vex

1. What’s your oc’s most irrational fear? Is there a specific reason this fear came about?

Plastic/latex gloves. Even though he uses them for obvious reasons (or maybe not so obvious reasons) and they're a part of otherwise normal medical procedures, he hates the sound of gloves snapping, he hates the feel of them either on his hands or on his skin, and so he's almost at his most uncomfortable when procedures are being done to him as a result. This is in part due to some procedures he had done to him as a child.

4. Is your oc good at keeping secrets?

Absolutely. It is step one base of being an agent to start, but then stack on top of that all the additional traitorous dealings he's in, the work he does for the SIS as well as Intelligence, and there's a lot of secrets and lying to keep up with. Something something if you love your job you don't work a day in your life something something.

10. Who’s the first person your oc goes to to talk about something that made them happy? Sad? Angry?

When he doesn't simply stomp everything down into compartmentalized pieces that he will one day just simply die with? Eve, only Eve, especially since she's the only one who truly gets the explosiveness of his anger, and a sometimes sick enjoyment he gets out of other things that other people might not find enjoyable :) Part of being partners in multiple meanings of the word, means that they share in a lot of what's happening and experience it together, and surprisingly are on the same wavelength on many different things.

14. If your oc spent one day free from any consequences or recognition for their actions, how would they act?

Murder. lmao No he'd probably wreck most everything he owns in his life that is a statement to a Good And Proper Imperial, and everything related to the facade he has to put forth in order to be the enviable example of what a Refined Accomplished Leader, like he is supposed to be. He would leave his whole life he built up in a wrecked and smoking carnage of his own making. And maybe, for one day, he'd be happy.

25. How does your oc handle sadness?

Sorry to cop out but he doesn't really feel sad. In order to feel sadness he'd have to start feeling something for someone other than himself, in a real way that could affect him. That simply does not happen. He can affect sadness like the rest of them, mourn properly, bring a tear to his eye when dramatically appropriate, but it is literally, entirely, an act. His own self-worth takes up the whole of his capacity for empathy, the only person he sincerely cares for is Evelyn. But that's because they share in their unique peculiarities. But when he was younger, he would lash out - violently in his sadness as it was a solid mix of his hatred for himself, for his vapid circumstances. Until he grew out of it.

28. What’s your favorite thing about this oc?

He's just so evil LOL. He was compressed and shaped by the pressure of Imperial society and a cruel family into an otherwise flawless diamond but had cut away all of the carbon of compassion and empathy, until all that's left is this narcissistic, pathological liar, with nevertheless a need to be envied and adored by others to make all this effort he's put into "his life" valid. While he seeks destruction of the same for his own sake on the other hand.

#ask meme answers #OC: Evacios #SWTOR OC #mwah love this bastard man

[marc-spectorr]

heyyy hello to you too calliee!!💕

i apologise for not replying sooner, i reeeally wanted to but i have a pretty big exam coming up so today was a full day of studying, great way to spend a saturday🙄 so yeah we could say my weekend didn't start in the best way possible, but it's alright.

totally relate to the morning struggle to get out of bed ugh. WHY does it have to be soooo warm, soft and comfortable??! wish i could stay curled up in bed forever, it's so cozyy

and HOW DARE YOU kill me like that by announcing there may be a NEW FIC TOMORROW???!!!!! aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i'm sooo excited (tbh even if it ends up coming out in a week i'll be just as excited lol)

hope your saturday was just as fantastic as you and that you accomplished everything you planned to♡

yeah unfortunately no thirsty asks but can't wait to see their comeback, they're so fun and make me feel less alone about my strange, dirty thoughts lol🥵

love the nickname teddy btw, so cute and fluffy kajhshajajdjkkas🥺🧸💓

also loved <3 anon's idea of this blog being a little book club of Oscar Isaac stans, cause that's definitely the vibe, just coziness, comfort, love with just the right amount of smut🤭 (oh <3 anon, loads of love to you too, you're such a precious soul and seeing an ask from you again made me so so happyyy)

also THE COFFEE PICTURE!!! mmm HELLOOOO??? I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD. his hands, THE HANDS DEAR LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME wkkahshsjsskhdhdj (so so glad to see I'm not the only one OBSESSING over people's hands, 🌻anon totally agree with what you said and I hope you're having a great day too <3)

last thing, umh HOW can i possibly choose just ONE of your fics to be my favourite??? no, you're asking me the impossible. ugh they are all so goooood callie, i can't😫 literally everything you write just takes me to a whole new dimension that i never wanna leave ugh. you are such a talented writer callie, for real🥺💕 but like IF my life depended on it, IF i had a gun to my head and i had to choose my favourite i'd probably say the morning after. it's the first fic of yours that i read and it made me follow you instantly, so yk it holds a special place in my heart. then i fell in love with all your other works and can't wait to fall even more with each story you create💞💞

as usual this came out a huge mess, just me blurting out every single thing that crosses my mind lmao

i hope you're having a great day/night callie and can't wait to talk some more with you, love you to the moon and back💓💓

-🧸

teddyy, happy sunday to you my love ✨

oh my, no worries sweet !!! school is def no joke haha. but i really hope your exam goes super well :) i’m sending you the best of luck your way, you’re going to ace this and i will cheering you on from all the way over here 🍀🥰

my saturday started out slow but then something came up later on so i wasn’t able to finish writing 😭 but it’s alright! i’m going to work on the fic this afternoon and have it all ready for tomorrow :)) i’ve written half of it so i’m pretty confident that it’ll get done by the end of the day heehee.

and yeeees!!! honestly it’s been so fun with all these asks about oscar and moon knight 😭 just chatting and crying and simping about them together literally makes my incredibly happy like you don’t understand skjdjdjj. i wish we could have one big group chat here where we all can just *sob* at the same time lololol.

but omg you’re too sweet??!!? you’re making me cry right now forreal ahsjdjdkd. i’ve been so highly critical of my writing but your words are always so encouraging and uplifting 😩 i really appreciate all the love and support and ughh this is going to turn into a long sappy post if i don’t stop now so lemme put on the breaks for a sec lmao we don’t want another crying fest @ me.

as always, it’s been such a joy chatting with you love babe :)) hope you’re having a beautiful day and staying hydrated, love you and talk to you soon 💗

#im sorry that this post is just a complete mess #got lots of words on my mind ya feel LOL #asks #🧸 anon

[free--therapy]

Hii it's anon!

First of all, thank you for all the kind words. You're absolutely right about me having low self-esteem. But it's like...there are times where the self-esteem spikes up and I feel arrogant almost (like if I do something worth being proud of) and then there are other times where it's at very low lol

Like you said, I've been trying to not hate myself for feeling jealous but instead focus on what I can do. I have to say that I've had times where I've let that jealousy or envy get the better of me and let it show in my actions. And I hate myself for that tbh. I hate that I could feel and even more so, act that way to someone I genuinely cherish.

I also know that since childhood I've been somewhat of a attention seeker however that turned into feeling low about myself as I grew up. Also, exactly like you said, my parents have had the same expectations from me too! In school, I had to be the best then in college, again very high expectations from me and now, they expect me to find a very good job as well. It's like the expectations never end. And while in school, it was easy for me to fulfill or even exceed their expectations but as I went to college and things started getting more challenging, it got harder for me to match what they expect from me.

In school, it was almost like, I used to feel this sense of "superiority" for being one of the top performers of the class always and I didn't even have to try hard for it back then. That changed after I started college and it was like I was thrown into reality or something. Seeing so many amazing students just made me feel like I had been completely wrong about myself my whole life and that maybe I wasn't anything special either. It's like, in school, my sense of identity came from my academic accomplishments. So to have that stripped away from me made me feel small.

I've been raised up constantly being compared to my cousins and peers and that has made me feel smaller with time. I love my family and my parents, I really do. But growing up like that, hearing those things from them has made me collect all this bottled up frustration honestly especially since they haven't fulfilled many of my needs either, so if they can be disappointed in me, I can be disappointed in them too. Granted, it's my fault that I never was vocal about my needs and wants growing up due to many reasons so maybe that's why they didn't give me what I needed. But I was young so I expected them to understand but no one did. Instead, I was the one who always had to "understand" and be the "good child" for them.

However, in trying to become that good child, all I did was ending up bottling everything up and becoming a bad child after all. Doing things just to make others notice me, being selfish, wanting others to think of me in a good way or to go to lengths so that others have a positive image of me in their minds. Making them love me and making that seem effortless. So many stupid things I've done honestly. But I still hope for the best for myself. I don't know if that makes me selfish or just human.

Anyway, these days, I've been trying to be kind to myself except it's very hard lol. I think over time, especially in the last three years, I've built a sense of guilt/shame which makes me constantly doubt my self identity whenever I try to be kind towards myself. I'm trying though.

That said, are any and all of my thoughts supposed to be this exhausting? Is this common?

I know I've been overthinking a lot in October and recently, I've just started getting kinda tired of all the constant stream of unwanted thoughts. I do try to rationalise or be mindful of them without judgement but many times, I end up labelling them as "bad" or "problematic" thoughts or end up sort of giving into the anxiety and sort of believing in what these thoughts seem to tell me.

And honestly, my head hurts from all the constant rumination and I've had enough of these thoughts. So I just sleep it off. I've noticed that my sleep schedule has been very bad recently (sleeping late, waking up late) and I've been sleeping more than usual. And most importantly, I've been feeling very on energy and tired a lot of times despite not doing anything the whole day.

I know a huge part of this has to do with the anxiety and overthinking and on top of that, I don't really have anything going on in my life right now since I'm home most of the time, so there's nothing much to keep mind engaged. I've just been feeling a bit like I don't have a purpose since I haven't found a job yet when most of my peers seem to already have got good jobs and seem ahead in life. It's just not the best period right now. But either way, I just don't want this to turn into a full blown depression spiral that's all.

Since I feel so tired, it's very easy to skip over small things like doing my skincare, drinking enough water and stuff. But I also know that not doing any of that stuff will just lead to more negativity for me. More than ever, I need to focus on myself and take care of myself now and so if I skip on it everyday, it's just going to make me feel worse.

So as much as I can, I'm trying to be compassionate, understanding and loving towards myself. I'm trying to take care and not believe these thoughts. As you said, it's cruel that having a good moment feels so suspicious. It's as if being happy for a day or two makes me question if things really are okay, if I'm really okay? Which just leads to thoughts coming up and I end up in a bit of a spiral. So having peaceful moments is just another trigger for an overthinking spiral too which is sad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone ever. It's pretty tiring.

Sometimes I also feel like other people who are struggling with anxiety or overthinking can overcome it only because maybe their thoughts aren't as hard or bad as mine. It's like my mind tries to convince me that my case is worse than others and that's why I can't heal even if others did. But I know that is so not true. Lol my mind keeps chattering away

But who knew thoughts can seem so real or affect my life so much? I don't want to second guess every little action of mine anymore, be it from the past or present. I want to stay and make decisions in the present and focus on right now instead of trying to obsessively ruminate over the past trying to figure out "what my xyz action meant?" When really so many of them could've meant absolutely nothing too.

I hope I can get over this with some time and patience and love. I'm trying my best to focus on the positive! Thank you for all the support 💗

Hey Anon,

Don't beat yourself for feeling jealous and letting it get the best of you. You are human and it's a natural emotion that you will experience. It's a good reminder to see certain areas that need to still be worked on and not something that should make you feel bad towards yourself.

Living up to someone else's expectations will never make you feel good about yourself because other people's expectations are usually very unrealistic and possible unattainable. At the end of the day, the only person whose opinions and expectations that really matter are your own and if they seem like they're lower than your parents, then so what?? This is about your happiness and if you feel satisfied with what you've achieved and where you've come from, then that's all that matters. Living for others will always have them moving the bar and you'll never be satisfied. You'll eventually come to realize that you're actually living for someone else's dreams and not your own. You should only be striving to seek your own approval and validation and not for your parents. Of course we all want to make our parents be proud of us, but at the end of the day, if they truly care about you and your happiness, then you have to figure out what makes you happy. Live YOUR dreams, not theirs!

That said, are any and all of my thoughts supposed to be this exhausting? Is this common?

They shouldn't be, no, but you're still working towards figuring things out, so this process will take up a lot of your energy. You will come to figure out how to expend less energy over time as you work towards quieting that voice in your mind. Again, be kind to yourself and patient if things don't happen as quickly as you'd like them to. Sometimes it's just a matter of figuring out or trying something different you've never done before.

Sometimes I also feel like other people who are struggling with anxiety or overthinking can overcome it only because maybe their thoughts aren't as hard or bad as mine. It's like my mind tries to convince me that my case is worse than others and that's why I can't heal even if others did. But I know that is so not true.

Honestly, a lot of people are not facing their fears and are actually trying to escape their mind with distractions, so it seems like everything is okay with them, but they're actually in avoidance. You're doing way better than these people who are usually in denial that they have anything wrong with them, so as much as it feels like you're struggling, you're brave enough to go into the battlefield of your mind to figure out how to win this war in your mind.

You absolutely will overcome this anon. You're doing way better than you realize and a lot better than your peers, even if it may feel like that's not the case. Keep going, okay!? ❤

#ask #answered #anon #overthinking #anxiety #self compassion #self kindness #self patience #expectations