#my anxiety at work has been so bad lately...

[chelleisamazing]

I just finished reading the 'God Save the Blessed American President Mom' fic and I sobbed hard through it all..

#god Im a wreck rn but I needed that cry #my anxiety at work has been so bad lately... #heaviness in my chest shaking hands kind of anxious and its been awful #and the best i can do for myself rn is come home and just disconect reading wholesome rwrb fics #and ive also been having trouble sleeping so thats what i do #until my eyes get too tired #bc i guess some part of me doesnt wanna wake up next morning #and go in rto work and get drilled with emotionally draining work and deal with stupid shit/people #not my coworkers/friend tho #i love them sm they keep me sane ♡ #I'll never say it to those dummies but I think they're pretty neat ♡ #just here avoiding more sleep writing this #and hoping tomorrow is the day it finally gets better #but not really feeling that hopeful... #either way.. #at least i can always escape into alex and henry's love-filled world at some point of the day and worry about nothing ♡ #loads of rambly tags but #truthfully-- no piece of media has ever touched me like this #and it really feels like it heals something in me for a while ♡ #been thinking if I should see a therapist again too... #but im pretty sure my insurance doesmt cover it... #anyway #goodnight and here's to hoping #sad? little post #stuff

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before #it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this #which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again #for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind #even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that #i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working #towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter #bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world... #no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like #wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them #wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane #to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be #good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙 #ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry #pers

[hotluncheddie]

honestly think i’m kinda burned out and it sucks so bad. i have no brain capacity to read atm so tumblr hasn’t been as comfortable for me lately :(

#my anxiety has been bad lately i feel 16 again it fucking sucks #and ed thought ugh ugh #not cool #not to dump but #just miss being more active here but idk #i can’t do it right now #personal #hotlunch #probs delete later i’m just annoyed about it #full time work is so hard #and then i get the urge to binge for the first time in years not fun no no no #tw ed

[tvrningout]

i wanna write more j.jk things but in general fandoms have me a lil scared to reach out lately but!!! we’re trying to get past that by interacting with mutuals first and foremost :’ )

#i’m feeling very shy and unsure towards fandoms lately and not trying to enter the tags #has eliminated a good deal of anxiety tbh #i just? don’t trust people to give my oc’s a fair chance as of late which sounds bad #but my experiences lately haven’t been great aside from my very lovely mutuals who indulge me #so i’m just!! playing it safe and sticking to the people who i feel comfy with uvu #anyway i hope this day was kind to you 💜 #i dunno why i’m rambling about this rn but i gotta get to bed oof #i don’t wanna go to work lemme tell ya but!! oh well :’ )) #good night friends 💜💜💜 #get ready to ramble | ooc

[lunarlegend]

well, i definitely didn't have any sort of ~traditionally productive~ weekend, but i did discover a reliable solution to a huge source of anxiety that's been bugging me for a while, so i feel really happy & relieved about that

next weekend i have Monday off, so i'm gonna take full advantage of my three days of free time and do nothing but relax & play video games~

#my anxiety has been sooo bad lately due to work stress + general burnout #so this is at least one more thing i won't have to worry about going forward #and this time next month my coding certification exam will be over!!!

[thebleedingeffect]

In my heart of hearts I truly do just want to write a self insert that interacts with the main story that's it really

#all of my self inserts are extremely indulgent and are locked into my Brain #but there's one concept that I've been thinking of lately that's vry fun and I've been tossing it about in my brain #they're a baby born from a templar father who managed to escape some time around 15 or 16 #they began training from a very early age as their father wanted a soldier who could go head to head with the assassin's on their own turf #alot of cultish and bad stuff happened but they were managed to be rescued by a novice who became their first friend ^-^ #most assassin's are still skittish and untrusting of her considering her templar upbringing but she was kinda... indoctrinated? from birth? #and had wanted to leave YEARS ago but only managed it in their teen years #but anyway. she usually works alone or with her two other assassin friends as one: no one really trusts her to begin with #and two: big BIG anxiety that makes it hard to work with people when they know that they're largely seen as a threat or liability #she's pretty high on the assassin ranking though! and their little team has a damn high success rate so vry few people have reason- #to complain. mostly newer recruits or those with a BIG grudge against templars in general #anyway physical description time. theyre like altair and that they only rly wear lighttttt armor. heavy or even mid armor is a big NO #vry vry sneaky and patient. is mostly an opportunistic assassin and relies more of stealthy tactics than brute force #but because of this they are NOT a super heavy fighter. usually tries to lean on surprise and skill rather than 1v1 fighting #if force comes to shove though they can most def fight. but tries to flee the moment they find an opening #is pretty mute! keeps things close to her chest and is still in the process of learning to trust anyone at all. even assassin's #wears black and white feathered earrings as well as small golden hoops. has a bunch of piercings #is much MUCH on the smaller. slimmer side but it actually kinda works cause most dont clock her as an assassin at first glance #this makes them good for infiltration and scouting work! #best pair for them is a more brute force assassin who leans towards defense :] #theyre a lil guy. I love them alot. they also have some isu bullshit going on that I might explain

[floral-hex]

Made some coffee because I need the boost

Going to go shave off my beard next because I like the occasional clear cut before growing it back and also no one ever sees me so it won’t matter how baby faced I am for the next week.

Going to stupidly retry buspirone later tonight. If you’ve followed my “lore” (and I’m sorry if you have), the last time I tried it over a few days, it only gave me extra anxiety and made me feel hot and incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe that was a fluke. Maybe it was interacting with the antidepressants I had just upped my dose of. Regardless, we’ll give it another shot and if it goes bad again, I’ll just take a couple benadryls, conk out, and not worry about them again.

Okay, I love you.

#my anxiety has just been nasty lately #I’m working on the logical mental part of that but a good chunk of my anxiety & depression is due to unchangable health problems #so for those worries I can’t reason away I’m relying on medication #and I think I’m ‘brave’ (or foolish) enough to give buspar another shot #i don’t want to take a benzo or anything tonight #I took 2 klonopins last night and that seemed pretty nice but I don’t want to make that a habit #especially since doctors don’t want to prescribe them unless really really necessary #so for tonight I’ve got my second cup of coffee and I’m working on distracting myself #gonna shave off this gross beard and if I could I’d cut off my long hair #my hair is too long! #I know that’s blasphemous to say but dang it’s getting to be a bit much #also my therapist said I need to apply for jobs before our next meeting #I don’t want to (fingers crossed) get a job interview just to roll in with this gross hair #NOT THAT HAIR IS GROSS! I love you hairy people! #but I’m bad at trimming facial hair and I haven’t had a haircut in… half a year? more? #so I’m all split ends and uneven trims #and I sweat easily so I need to chop some of this all off before it gets too hot #why am I writing all of this? it’s not pertinent or important or exciting or #so anyway how are you doing? #I need more mutuals who spend ungodly amounts of time on this app #not to talk to. I suck at talking. I just like seeing people on here. doing their thing. being alive. interacting with them. it’s nice. #okay this is enough rambling #ok i love you take it sleazy #you can ignore this #text

[nerdgirlnarrates]

Anytime I’m having a frustrating or bad day, I go and sit with my plants, +/- a book and coffee, and I feel just a little better. I still have my garden, my books, my coffee. That’s pretty damn good.

#bad feelings cannot get me out here!! #recently something has been eating my zinnias though so I am a bit peeved about that #also obvs this applies mostly to like stress and anxiety #not actual earth shattering bad news scenarios #but I’ve been lucky to avoid those lately #and this set up is great for warding off work and school related stress #my reprieve from worries #my content #my text posts

[thewanderingace]

Just talking in the tags like a normal person.

Keep on scrolling lovelies. I gotta release some emotions 👍

#i have once again worked myself into an anxiety attack by thinking too much about my unemployment #happens way too often tbh #always late at night too #its now like 4:50am #i managed to cut the attack off pretty quickly but its still not fun #i dont like my current situation or my mental or financial health #but i have to remind myself of things like: #its not my fault and i am not a bad person for it #im not worthless or a failure #im not alone in this type of situation #im blessed to have family who let me live off of them #this is temporary even if it has been a long time already #this too shall pass #remind myself this and convincing myself of these truths is hard to do sometimes #sometimes a lot of times i dont believe it but i tell myself this anyway until i do #anyway tonight has sucked #just took a large dose of melatonin to hopefully get some sleep tonight #trying to stay hopeful and positive but its hard #the last 4 years have been a real shit show #so fucking hard #ive been through some stuff and im still recovering and teting tobget my feet back underneath me again #its hard and thats okay #im valid #my life is my life #things will get better #ill be better #personal #stephs stuff #talking in the tags cause i need to release emotions 🤪

[willowfey]

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#i am not doing well girlies #disclaimers that i am fine i'm always fine i will always be fine but hooo boy i do not feel fine lol #everything is always overwhelming i am always sad everything feels itchy #every single morning for weeks ive woken up with an anxiety bellyache and no matter how tired i am still i just have to get up #everyone i look up that i used to know is like. married and having babies or working their dream jobs and i just. im happy for them. i am #but where do i belong in all of this? #i know everything feels worse lately bc we're moving house and the routine changes and empty rooms feel Bad #plus my mom has not been doing well mentally which i feed off so it's just. you know #but will i ever Not feel like im so far behind? will i ever Not be deeply unsettled by even the mildest changes? #everything is so slow and so fast at the same time and it makes my head spin and we have a new friend who has a son my age and i was hoping #idk. that he'd be somewhat similar to me? falling behind a little bit too? maybe i could make a friend irl that understood a little? #but then i casually ask about him and oh no ofc he has a partner and family of his own etc etc #right. that's what i'm supposed to be doing at this age.ha #so many ppl i went to school with are married now. im turning the age this year that my mother was when she HAD me #meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and #i wonder so often what it's like to be wanted by someone but ive never felt more undesirable #i cant imagine anyone looking at me and Wanting me. and at this point as romance obsessed as i am idk if i could even handle it #and the other night i was having anxiety dreams over the fact that i rly want kids but even waiting until im 30 thats only 5 years?? #and 30 is already fucking five years away from being considered a GERIATRIC pregnancy?? but im not even done being a kid myself!!!! #and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ?? #and i cant imagine not liiving with my mom and sister but does that mean i'll live with them forever?? #will i be 30 35 40 45 still feeling like a kid? or worse.. will i not feel like myself at all? #will i be married to someone i dont love madly simply bc im so terrified to be alone? #or will i hold so tightly to my stories and fantasies that i will be alone bc nothing could ever live up to them? #will it even matter what i want? will anyone ever want me to even give me the option? or will this all stay hypothetical forever #im just. stressed. and i thought i'd be more by now.

[dolls-self-ships]

hey guys, I've been having a hard time lately and it's really hitting me hard today, would any of y'all mind maybe dropping a comforting message in my inbox? Could be from an f/o or just you I don't mind either way, I just need to feel like I'm not alone right now ;-;

#my ocd has been flaring up so so bad lately and my medication isnt working as well as it used to #and i had to leave work like... 5 times this month abd I just feel so ashamed and guilty #and then when I got home for some reason my sister wasnt home even though she usually is bc its unlike her to go out unprompted #ohhhh wait as in typing this Im just remembering she had to go to the mall today #thats why shws not hime #anyway in my panic attack haze I thought bc my managers texts werent getting through to me even tho she said she had texted me just so i #could let her know I got home safe #shes super sweet- they werent getting through to me so like I started freaking out 'wait what if im dead and it happened on the walk home' #bc before I kept saying 'I wish I was dead' when really that just means 'I want to be ok and normal and not whatever this is' #so I thought I had manifested it somehow and thats why my managers texts werent getting through and why my sister wasbt home #idk why Im explaining all this in here I just need to vent I think ;-; #but im like.. gonna try to do some laundry maybe that'll take my mind off things #oh I called her by calling the store and everything was good so #and like.. my logic brain knows that Im not dead and that my sister is just getting her ipad fixed and Im able to contact the outside world #just fine but my anxiety brain is telling me that im just fabricating this all in my head and im actually dead irl #which is so dumb and out of nowhere ik but I think the whole 'careful what you wish for' thing is so ingrained into my head #and that isnt even what my ocd is about its an entirley different topic that I am just too scared to even talk about #reading this back and realizing all the typos I made is filling me with so much embarassment Im sorry for your eyes my hands are shaky

[scarletcomet]

my therapist literally always cancels on me when i need therapy the most

#maybe that's why im at a point where i think therapy is useless (my parents are making me and they pay my tuition) #canceled on my last semester when my friend died by suicide #now when my mental heath has not been great and i've been self harming #still have never processed that first thing as well as my own suicide attempt #so sometimes ill start thinking about that stuff like randomly throughout the day and have thoughts and feelings #i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most #like i know she has a life and stuff and it's not her fault lol #anyways im at a point right now where therapy is useless #i've tried multiple different anxiety meds in the last few weeks #and my dr says if this one doesn't work then there's not any other meds #im not suicidal or whatever but sometimes things just feel so hopeless and life feels like never ending torment #it's whatever. i'm fine. i have to be fine #even if i do get through this week then there's just gonna be another and another and another #shut up brain. these are the kinds of thoughts that remind me of when i was really suicidal and bring back bad feelings and memories #why am i like this #im so sick of years of mental illness ruining my life and it's only been like 7 years of this and i have to do like 60 more?? #shut up brain #i can't let myself get suicidal. idk why but i just can't #my mood has been ok lately and my anxiety has been the problem so wtf is up with this? #tw self harm #tw: suicide

[xxlelaxx]

Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard

#ignore me #my life has been too good lately and I'm starring to go insane from everything working #i hate myself so much #I've been trying ao be more social and be a good mom and be someone that my daughter can look up to and my husband can love #but it always ends up with me hating myself so fucking much #I've been eating too many sweets which already is setting a bad example qhen it comes to a healthy diet and my media consumption has been #worse lately and my anxiety is now making me unabke to sleep and I've stopped going on daily walks cause the pain is back #it was so nice not having it around for a while and it is makibg everything so much harder #the sleep makes me more irritable and i feel like all i do is fail my baby #my husbans said he doesnt feel loved by me anymore and I've been trying so hard to manage household baby and everything else but its not #enough i always feel like I'm never enough #I've been a horrible friend like always so i guess that is a constant thing in my life #as if that isnt the worst when my mental health gets worse i start getting flashbacks to remind me of everything that went wrong with me #and that just fuels my anxiety around my daughter living through everything i did as a child and i just cant do this #i just wish i could sleeo again #i think all of this is sleep deprivation but i don't know how to do everything without losing sleep or something #i just wanna rest and sleep for more then four hours without veing woken up #god what i would give for eight hours of continuous sleep #but my husbands shifts are so shit that i cant do that to him... also now that I'm at home he's the only one working and I'm terrified of #loosing him so i dont want him to be at work without sleeping well cause it could actually kill him #worst of all I'm just too stupid to ask for help or bother anyone with my stupid problems #and every time I'm away from her she just screams and i just can't take her screams anyo #anymore #i just want to pee and ahit and eat in peace

[raeathnos]

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#yall I finally got some good fucking news #my grandma’s been in the hospital and was doing very bad and like #we thought the end was near #she improved and got discharged #things still aren’t great but it’s (hopefully) looking more like she has weeks or maybe even months rather than just a handful of days #she’s almost 92 and has late stage Alzheimer’s and the flu is what put her in the hospital but she beat it #yesterday was very stressful #my parents/uncles were all being incredibly vague and my cousins were reaching out for info from me since I’m the only local grandchild #trying to figure out if people several hours away need to drop everything and try to make it here to say goodbye while at work was uh #it was something #I had an emotional break down in the bathroom which was fun #my parents who normally use me as a punching bad were doing it to an even more extreme degree #they still are technically; I get it’s my dad’s mom and he’s hurting more but she’s my grandma and like #the whole way they’ve been treating is just… it broke something in me #relieved she’s okay for now but having to grapple with the fact that this is how they will treat me when it is her time is something #I am an frazzled emotional wreck from everything but she’s okay and that’s what matters in the end #I also had a video interview this afternoon which like #absolutely wild state of mind to be in to do an interview but it’s with a really good company so I didn’t want to cancel #guys #I got a second in person interview! #it pays good and it’s close by and the only thing I don’t like is that it’s second shift #but they said if I get the job I’ll eventually get the opportunity to switch to first shift so like #fingers crossed the next interview goes well #anyways all good news except for my parents being fucking assholes but #I am out of energy emotionally mentally and physically #was trying to keep myself together till the interview and now that it’s over I’m just very done #my anxiety is shot my brain’s checked out and all I wanna do is sleep #I was supposed to be off tomorrow but work called me in and I took the shift cause I need money #I think there is a very good chance that I crash very hard after work tomorrow #which fine

[breakingjen]

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#so... #i'm not doing as well as i wish i was #(especially considering work training starting next month which i'm actually looking forward too) #my anxiety has been quite bad for a while now - to the point that my doctor increased my anxiety meds this week #i only take them as needed but they haven't been helping lately #and even then i only take them when my usual go to methods to alleviate it don't work #also got some sleep meds to help me fall asleep every other night #(not allowed to take them every night bc they're the addictive kind of meds) #if i can finally get a handle on the insomnia maybe i'll end up feeling less exhausted after some time #idk but sleep is important insomnia is a bitch and it's about time i try to do something about it #i'd like to feel like a person again

[sunny-daysss]

Holy shit I hate feeling this way

#sunny speaks #vent #my anxiety has been so bad lately #I feel horrible all the time #like I want to rip myself apart #everything is overwhelming #thinking about my future is overwhelming #going outside is overwhelming #I’ve legitimately forgotten how to talk to people #it’s become so hard now #and now I think everyone hates me #at work anyway #because I’m acting different and weird now #and it’s so hard to explain because I don’t want people to worry about me #but I know if I don’t they’ll just think I hate them #when I’m reality I don’t #I just want to be normal #I want to go back to how I was before #even last year was better #it was still shit #but it was considerably less shitty than now