#i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most

[scarletcomet]

my therapist literally always cancels on me when i need therapy the most

#maybe that's why im at a point where i think therapy is useless (my parents are making me and they pay my tuition) #canceled on my last semester when my friend died by suicide #now when my mental heath has not been great and i've been self harming #still have never processed that first thing as well as my own suicide attempt #so sometimes ill start thinking about that stuff like randomly throughout the day and have thoughts and feelings #i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most #like i know she has a life and stuff and it's not her fault lol #anyways im at a point right now where therapy is useless #i've tried multiple different anxiety meds in the last few weeks #and my dr says if this one doesn't work then there's not any other meds #im not suicidal or whatever but sometimes things just feel so hopeless and life feels like never ending torment #it's whatever. i'm fine. i have to be fine #even if i do get through this week then there's just gonna be another and another and another #shut up brain. these are the kinds of thoughts that remind me of when i was really suicidal and bring back bad feelings and memories #why am i like this #im so sick of years of mental illness ruining my life and it's only been like 7 years of this and i have to do like 60 more?? #shut up brain #i can't let myself get suicidal. idk why but i just can't #my mood has been ok lately and my anxiety has been the problem so wtf is up with this? #tw self harm #tw: suicide