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#i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most
scarletcomet
·
2 years
Text
my therapist literally always cancels on me when i need therapy the most
#maybe that's why im at a point where i think therapy is useless (my parents are making me and they pay my tuition)
#canceled on my last semester when my friend died by suicide
#now when my mental heath has not been great and i've been self harming
#still have never processed that first thing as well as my own suicide attempt
#so sometimes ill start thinking about that stuff like randomly throughout the day and have thoughts and feelings
#i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most
#like i know she has a life and stuff and it's not her fault lol
#anyways im at a point right now where therapy is useless
#i've tried multiple different anxiety meds in the last few weeks
#and my dr says if this one doesn't work then there's not any other meds
#im not suicidal or whatever but sometimes things just feel so hopeless and life feels like never ending torment
#it's whatever. i'm fine. i have to be fine
#even if i do get through this week then there's just gonna be another and another and another
#shut up brain. these are the kinds of thoughts that remind me of when i was really suicidal and bring back bad feelings and memories
#why am i like this
#im so sick of years of mental illness ruining my life and it's only been like 7 years of this and i have to do like 60 more??
#shut up brain
#i can't let myself get suicidal. idk why but i just can't
#my mood has been ok lately and my anxiety has been the problem so wtf is up with this?
#tw self harm
#tw: suicide
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