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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 month

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Meatspace twiddling

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me next weekend (Mar 30/31) in ANAHEIM at WONDERCON, then in Boston with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then Providence (Apr 12), and beyond!

"Enshittification" isn't just a way of describing the symptoms of platform decay: it's also a theory of the mechanism of decay – the means by which platforms get shittier and shittier until they are a giant pile of shit.

I call that mechanism "twiddling": this is the ability of digital services to alter their business-logic – the prices they charge, the payouts they offer, the particulars of the deal – from instant to instant, for each user, continuously:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

Contrary to Big Tech's own boasting about its operations, the tricks that tech firms play to siphon value away from business customers and end-users aren't very sophisticated. They're crude gimmicks, like offering a higher per-hour wage to Uber drivers whom the algorithm judges to be picky about which rides they'll clock in for, and then lowering the wage by small increments as a way of lulling the driver into gradually accepting a permanent lower rate:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

This is a simple trick. The difference is that tech platforms like Uber can play it over and over, and very quickly. There's plenty of wage-stealing scumbag bosses who'd have loved to have shaved pennies off their workers' paychecks, then added a few cents back in if a worker cried foul, then started shaving the pennies again. The thing that stopped those bosses was the bottleneck of payroll clerks, who couldn't make the changes fast enough.

Uber plays crude tricks – like claiming that a driver isn't an employee because the control is mediated through an app – and then piles more crude tricks on top – this algorithmic wage discrimination gambit.

Have you ever watched a shell-game performed very slowly?

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-do-penn-tellers-famous-cups-and-balls-trick-in-12-steps

It's a series of very simple gimmicks, performed very quickly and smoothly. Computers are very quick and very smooth. The quickness of the hand deceives the eye: do crude tricks with superhuman speed and they'll seem sophisticated.

The one bright spot in the Great Enshittening that we're living through is that many firms are not sufficiently digitized to to these crude tricks very quickly. Take grocery stores: they can get up to a lot of the same tricks as Amazon – for example, they can charge suppliers for placement on the most prominent, easiest-to-reach shelves, reorganizing your shopping based on which companies pay the biggest bribes, rather than offering the best products and prices.

But Amazon takes this to a whole different level – beyond simply organizing their product pages based on payola, they do this for search. You ask Amazon, "What's your cheapest batteries?" and it lies to you. If you click the first link in a search-results page, you'll pay 29% more than you would if you got the best product – a product that is, on average, 17 places down on the results page. Amazon makes $38b/year taking bribes to lie to you:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Amazon can do more than that. Thanks to its digital nature, it can continuously reprice its offerings – indeed, it can simply make up each price displayed on every product at the instant you look at it – based on its surveillance data about you, estimating your willingness to pay. For sellers, Amazon can continuously re-weight the likelihood that a given product will be shown to a customer based on the seller's willingness to discount their products, even to the point where they go out of business:

https://www.businessinsider.com/sadistic-amazon-treated-book-sellers-the-way-a-cheetah-would-pursue-a-sickly-gazelle-2013-10

Twiddling, in other words, lets digital services honeycomb their servers with sneaky wormholes that let them siphon value away from one kind of platform user and give it to another (as when Apple silently began spying on Iphone owners to create profiles for advertisers), or to themselves.

But hard-goods businesses struggle to do this kind of twiddling. Not for lack of desire – but for lack of capacity. Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon Fresh – an online grocery store – can change prices and layout millions of times per day, at effectively zero cost. Jeff Bezos, owner of Whole Foods – a brick-and-mortar grocer – needs a army of teenagers on rollerskates with pricing guns to achieve a fraction of this agility.

So hard-goods businesses are somewhat enshittification-resistant. It's not that their owners are more interested in the welfare of their customers, workers and suppliers – they merely lack the capacity to continuously rejigger the way their business runs.

Well, about that.

Grocers have been experimenting with "electronic shelf labels" in order to do "dynamic pricing" – that means that prices change quickly, in response to circumstances:

https://www.npr.org/2024/03/06/1197958433/dynamic-pricing-grocery-supermarkets

This doesn't have to be bad! As @planetmoney points out, it's a little weird that grocers don't discount milk whose sell-by date is drawing near. That milk is worth less to shoppers, because they have to use it more quickly lest it expire. Instead of marking down the price of perishable goods – day-old lettuce, yesterday's bread, etc – grocers put them on the shelves next to fresher, more valuable products, leading to billions of dollars' worth of food-waste and and unimaginable quantities of methane-producing, planet-cooking landfill.

In Norway, ESLs are pretty well established and – at least according to Planet Money's reporting – they are used exclusively to offer discounts in order to reduce waste. They make everyone better off.

But towards the end of the story, they note that Norway's grocery sector – which alters prices up to 2,000 times per day – has been accused of using ESLs to rig prices, hiking them and blaming them on pandemic supply-chain problems and loose monetary policy. Greedflation, in other words.

Greedflation is rampant in the grocery sector, all around the world. Remember when the price of eggs doubled and they blamed in on bird-flu, even as the CEO of the one company that owns every egg brand you've ever heard of boasted about how he could hike prices and suckers would just pay it?

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/23/cant-make-an-omelet/#keep-calm-and-crack-on

In Canada, grocers rigged the price of bread, the most Les-Mis-ass form of corporate crime you can imagine (do you want guillotines, Galen Weston? Because this is how you get guillotines):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_price-fixing_in_Canada

EU grocers – another highly concentrated industry – also collude to rig prices:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

Which is all to say that while these companies don't have to use the twiddling capabilities that come with ESLs to enshittify their stores, we'd be pretty fucking naive to assume that they won't.

And here's the bad news: US grocers like Whole Foods (owned by Amazon, the company that wrote the enshittification playbook) are already experimenting with ESLs. So is Alberstons/Safeway, the massive, inbred conglomerate that has already demonstrated its passion for using twiddling to fuck over their workers:

https://knock-la.com/vons-fires-delivery-drivers-prop-22-e899ee24ffd0/

Economists love "price discrimination" – where prices change based on circumstance, trying to match the perfect price with the perfect customer. On paper, that sounds plausible: if I need a quart of milk for a recipe I'm making tonight and I get a 50% discount on some about-to-expire 2%, then everyone's better off. I get a discount and the grocer gets some money for milk they'd have to throw away at the end of the day.

But these elegant, self-licking ice-cream cones only emerge if the corporation offering the deal is constrained. Perhaps they're constrained by competition – the fear that you'll go elsewhere. Or perhaps they're constrained by regulation – the fear that they'll be punished if they use twiddling-tech to cheat you.

The grocery sector, dominated by a cartel of massive companies that routinely collude to rip us off, is not constrained by competition. And for years, regulators let them get away with ripping us off (though finally that might be changing):

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/21/us/politics/grocery-prices-pandemic-ftc.html?unlocked_article_code=1.ek0.t2Pr.g4n2usbxEcoa

For neoclassical economists, the answer to all this is "caveat emptor" – let the buyer beware. If you want to make sure that ESLs are only used to offer you discounts and not to gouge prices, all you need to do is note the price of everything you buy, every time you buy it, and triple-check it every time you go back to the grocery store. Just be eternally vigilant!

Thing is, the one thing computers are much better at than humans is vigilance. With ESLs and other twiddling mechanisms, you're a fish on a hook, and the seller is tireless in giving you a little more slack, then a little less, until you finally drop your guard.

Economists desperately want these elegant models to work, but "efficient market hypothesis" is a brain-worm that always turns into apologetics for fraud. Dynamic markets sound like a good idea, but they are catnip for cheaters. "Just be eternally vigilant" is miserable advice, and no way to live your life:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

In his brilliant novel Spook Country, @GreatDismal describes augmented reality as "cyberspace everting" – that is, turning inside-out:

https://memex.craphound.com/2007/07/31/william-gibsons-spook-country/

The extrusion of twiddling technology from digital platforms into the physical world isn't cyberspace everting so much as it is cyberspace prolapsing.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/26/glitchbread/#electronic-shelf-tags

#pluralistic #fraud apologetics #caveat emptor #twiddling #competition #groceries #price discrimination #norway #electronic shelf tags #planet money #enshittification #constraints #greedflation #efficient market hypothesis brain-worms

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ranchthoughts · 6 months

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An Update to the Kissing Multiverse!

The first version is here, second version here, third version here. There is also a little bonus stat crunching here. My tag for this project is here.

Well, Only Friends and Dangerous Romance are over, so I am back with another GMMTV Kissing Multiverse update for you all. And boy howdy it is a doozy. We've added 16 shows, 19 actors, and 33 unique kissing pairs!

Rules

Must have visible lip to lip contact

Must be shown on screen in a GMM tv series (no kisses from ads, promotional content, trailers*, movies, etc.)

*please note this means none of the GMMTV 2024 trailers count

Breakdown by Show

The data set now includes 77 shows.

(full list in alt text)

Breakdown By Actor

The data set now includes 131 actors.

(full lists in alt text)

Results and Discussion

Unique vs. Repeat Kissing Pairs

Last time round we learned that the vast majority of GMMTV kissing pairs are one-offs and that mixed gender pairs were less likely to repeat. Those conclusions hold true for this update.

There are 169 "unique" kissing pairs in the dataset, and of those, 156 (92.3%) appear only once, in one show. 13 pairs (7.7%) appear at least twice.

The 13 pairs that appear in more than one show are:

Book/Force (in A Boss and a Babe, Enchante, and Only Friends)

Bright/Win (in 2gether and Still 2gether)

Dunk/Joong (in Hidden Agenda and Star in My Mind)

Earth/Mix (in A Tale of Thousand Stars, Cupid's Last Wish, and Moonlight Chicken)

Fiat/June (in The Gifted and The War of Flowers)

Film/Gun (in Not Me and Three Gentlebros)

First/Khaotung (in The Eclipse and Only Friends)

Gun/Off (in Not Me, Puppy Honey, Puppy Honey 2, and Theory of Love)

Lee/Mook (in My Dear Loser and The Jungle)

Louis/Neo (in The Eclipse and Fish Upon The Sky)

Marc Natarit/Pawin (in Dangerous Romance and My Gear Your Gown)

New/Tay (in Dark Blue Kiss and Kiss Me Again)

Phuwin/Pond (in Fish Upon the Sky and Never Let Me Go)

The kissing pair that has appeared in the most shows is Gun/Off, with 4 shows out as of now (and 2 more in the works!).

10 out of 13 of these repeating pairs (77%) are same gender pairs, specifically BL branded or brand-adjacent pairs. Once again, an interesting look into the GMMTV het vs BL system.

All in all, 97% of mixed gender pairs and 85% of same gender pairs appear only once, in one show.

Same Gender vs. Mixed Gender Kissing Pairs

Of the 169 "unique" kissing pairs, roughly 60% are mixed gender pairs and roughly 39% are same gender pairs. This ratio has shifted slightly from the last update (when it was 59% mixed gender and 41% same gender) as I have added more het shows to the sample.

Now to look at the shows themselves: 35% of the shows had only same gender kissing pairs, 47% of the shows had only mixed gender kissing pairs, and 18% of the shows featured both. You will notice that this is a 8% increase in favour of "mixed gender kissing only" shows compared to the last update which is due to the number of het shows I added this update.

Most Kissing Pairs Per Show

The average number of kissing pairs per show is 2.4.

The shows with the most different kissing pairs are:

Only Friends (16 different pairs)

The Warp Effect (15 different pairs)

Friendzone (11 different pairs)

The Jungle and U-Prince (9 different pairs each)

The Player (7 different pairs)

Not Me, Three Gentlebros, and 3 Will Be Free have 4 different kissing pairs each, and then all other shows have 3 or fewer kissing pairs each.

Welcome Only Friends to the top of the ranking! 🎉 A well deserved placing. I would like to take a moment to hone in on the distribution of kissing over the course of the series:

We hit 9 kissing pairs in ep. 9, 10 pairs in ep. 10, 11 pairs in ep. 11, and 12(+) pairs in ep. 12. Very satisfying.

The Power of Jojo

Jojo, every series:

You get a kiss and you get a kiss! YOU ALL GET KISSES!

(inspired by @dribs-and-drabbles here)

As we've learned over these past updates, Jojo has an outsized impact on the number of kissing pairs. He has directed roughly 10% of the shows in this sample, but his shows account for nearly a third of all kissing pairs (32%). Half of Jojo's shows are in the top 6 for most kissing pairs per show (Only Friends, The Warp Effect, Friendzone, and The Player).

The average number of kissing pairs in a Jojo show is 7.4, compared to 1.8 for non-Jojo shows.

Interesting to note: last update, the average number of kissing pairs per show for Jojo shows was 6.0 (1.4 lower) and the average for non-Jojo shows was the same (1.8). Only Friends had quite the impact.

(note: in this section, I am just looking at kissing pair iterations here not at unique kissing pairs, e.g., Phuwin/Pond are a pair in two shows (once in a Jojo show and once in a non-Jojo show), so they are counted twice.)

Most Kissing Partners

First, to put this in context: 50.4% of the actors in this sample have only had one kissing partner. The average number of kissing partners per actor is 2.6 (an increase of 0.3 from last update - again, possibly due to Only Friends).

We've had some significant changes in the leader board this update. Previously, our top 5 were Joss (10 kissing partners), Lee and Namtan (9 each), and Ohm and Nanon (7 each).

Welcome our new leader, Lee, with 12 kissing partners!

Krist takes the second spot (11 different kissing partners), followed by Joss (10), Namtan (9) and First (8) to round out our top five.

Next we have Gigie, Mild, Nanon, New, Off, and Ohm with 7 different kissing partners each; Film, Mond, Mook, Neo, and Singto with 6 kissing partners each; and Bright, Fluke Pusit, Jan, Khaotung, and Mark Pakin with 5 kissing partners each. There are also eleven actors with 4 different partners, and fifteen actors with 3 different partners each.

This update sees an astonishing 6 new kissing partners for Krist and 3 for First, catapulting them into the top 5. The impact of Only Friends can't be denied either - it increased every one of its actors' total kissing partners, and pushed Mond, Neo, Khaotung, and Mark Pakin up into the upper echelons, along with First, of course.

Most Kissing Partners in One Show

We have a new reigning champion for "Most Kissing Partners in One Show"! Thanks to his tireless hard work in Only Friends kissing 5 different people, Neo rockets to the top of the list.

We now have seven people who have kissed 4 different people in one show thanks to Only Friends (First, Mark Pakin, and Mond in Only Friends; Fluke Pusit, Gigie, and New in The Warp Effect; and Plustor in Friendzone), and eight cases of people kissing 3 different people in one show (Book, Force, and Khaotung in Only Friends; Joss and Namtan in The Player; Joss again in 3 Will Be Free; Krist in The Jungle; and Singto in Friendzone).

Please note that all of these instances (except for Krist in The Jungle) happened in Jojo shows.

In total, there are 52 instances of people kissing more than one person in a show, and 31% of actors in the sample have kissed more than one person in a show at least once.

Which of the GMMTV boys has kissed the most guys?

Last update we had a five-way tie for first place between First, Fluke Pusit, Neo, Plustor, and Singto, with 4 men kissed each. Only Friends has significantly changed the situation.

Congratulations to First for taking first place in the men kissing men category, with 7 men kissed! Next we have Neo in second place (6 men kissed) and Khaotung in third (5 men kissed).

First has kissed Gawin (Not Me), Force (Only Friends), Khaotung (The Eclipse and Only Friends), Mark Pakin (Only Friends), Mix (Moonlight Chicken), Mond (Only Friends), and Ohm (The Shipper)

Neo has kissed Drake (Only Friends), Force (Only Friends), Louis (The Eclipse and FUTS), Mark Pakin (Only Friends), Mond (Only Friends), and Title (Only Friends)

Khaotung has kissed Book (Only Friends), First (The Eclipse and Only Friends), Mond (Only Friends), Pawin (55:15 Never Too Late), and Pod (Tonhon Chonlatee)

There are now seven men who have kissed 4 men each: Fluke Pusit, Krist, Mark Pakin, Mond, New, Plustor, and Singto. Special shoutout to Mark Pakin, Mond, and Plustor for racking up all these kisses over the course of one show each (Only Friends, Only Friends, and Friendzone respectively).

Finally, there are eight men who have kissed 3 men each, and eleven who have kissed two men each.

The Kiss Web

Behold... the Kiss Web, newly updated:

And, as usual, some colourful breakdowns too:

The reach of the top 5 kissers: Lee, Krist, Joss, Namtan, and First.

The kissing webs of the top three shows: Only Friends (in pink), The Warp Effect (in blue), and Friendzone (in green). Yes these are all Jojo shows.

Some "kissing triangles" (no squares this time because there were too many to show). Note the triangles completed in the course of one show: Nat-Plustor-Singto (Friendzone), First-Khaotung-Mond (Only Friends), Mark Pakin-Neo-Title (Only Friends), Fluke Pusit-Gigie-New (The Warp Effect), and Joss-Mild-Tay (3 Will Be Free).

I’ve been having fun Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-ing around this web and I’d like to propose a challenge to you all: what is the longest chain between two people (with the most people between them) possible? Basically, reverse Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Bonus points if there is no quicker shortcut between them.

If you’d like to play another little game, see my post here.

Contributing authors: @airenyah, @alsoran, @alwaysthepessimist, various anons, @bengiyo, @burnsuncomet, @callipigio, @cangse-sanren, @catboykacchan, @catboyjosten, @catsundmaus, @chickenstrangers, @crowie, @dribs-and-drabbles, @ffirstkhao, @foralleternityidiot, @isaksbestpillow, @jeonghanurl, @kattahj, @kpinhiding, @lurkingshan, @maibpenrai, @maybeitdontmakesense, @nieves-de-sugui, @non-binarypal7, @sammie-lightwood-bane, @sollucets, @userneos, @theselightsareblinding, @tiistirtipii, @waitmyturtles, @williamrikers

Data visualization consultants and beloved proofreaders: @chickenstrangers, @dribs-and-drabbles, @wen-kexing-apologist

Asked to be tagged: @blmpff

#kissing multiverse #gmmtv kissing multiverse #ofts #thanks for coming along on this journey with me!#and big thanks once again to those who contributed kisses #it will be a while till the next update - gotta let some more shows come out - but this project isn't done yet!#I would like to make a specific request - does anyone know what kisses happen in Wolf?

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wordstome · 4 months

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the very first night (ntwdt pt 2)

tell me that you hate it hate that i'm no longer in your reach if i can't hear you say it maybe you can't change it, but if you never if you never put it on the line how am i gonna sign for it?

alpha colonel König x beta ex-lover reader

2nd person, no y/n, she/her pronouns, reader's callsign is Eden, reader speaks French, omegaverse, exes to lovers, fraternization, fantasy version of military protocol, probable incorrect use of "copy"

2.2k words

tw: mentions of dead bodies and vague violence, dirty talk, könig is in rut but no actual sex happens, mention of grinding

Do you guys still even remember this au??? 😅 I'm back to writing this fic with this specific format just like the last time I had bad writer's block. I'm sorry that I basically made you guys take a poll and then immediately disregarded the results :( metalhead König is going to be the next one published, and then kosovo maiden. Anyway, this is less of a foray into the omegaverse as it is into exploring a married couple's dynamic. Forgive me if it's inaccurate, I've never been married. (Several of the people who will probably read this are married so...I might be really embarrassing myself here lol)

“Two on your six, O’Conor.”

König watches as his colleague takes down his pursuants with practiced ease. “Good to have someone watching over me, Eden.” the man roughs into his comms.

“It was my pleasure, Declan.”

“Can you two keep the flirting off the main comms?” Fender huffs. König hears O’Conor snort before the line goes quiet.

“Steady,” Horangi says next to him.

“What?” König says.

“You’re breathing like an angry bull. It’s unnerving.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s obvious you’re mad O’Conor’s flirting with your ex-wife.”

“She’s not—“ König lets out a sigh of defeat and tips his head away from the scope. “She can do whatever she wants. I’m not her keeper.”

“Right, which is why you’re white-knuckling your rifle and giving off the most furious pheromones I've ever felt."

König gives his friend a deadly side eye. “Can I help you?”

“Nah. Just confirming what I already know”, Horangi answers, unbearably smug.

König rolls his eyes and returns to the task at hand.

The two of you avoid each other, mostly.

When you’re forced to interact, it's with stiff professionalism. Cold and distant. The way it was when it was really, really bad.

You spend your time becoming closer to the other operators. O'Conor, for one, is someone you find yourself growing close to. In your line of work, it's usually not a good idea to get too attached to someone who may not see the next day, but it's part of your job to know these people now.

They're so competent that you can ignore the obvious, anyway.

König's always been competent, but watching him work nowadays is strange, like watching a remake of a nostalgic childhood film.

His movements are the same. He flicks his wrist the same way, with a heartbeat's worth of pause before the movement. Him taking cover, leaning with that awful posture you always got on his case about.

But everything about him is more ruthless, more efficient. The unrefined brutality of his youth is replaced with a honed precision that is foreign to you.

It stings, though you know the feeling has no right to exist.

You can't keep yourself from reminiscing about the past, when everything about him was familiar. When you knew him so well, it was enough to save both your lives.

"We've lost comms with König."

Your heart drops into your throat. You've been on several ops with him at this point, but this has never happened before.

"What do you mean you've lost comms?"

"He's not responding."

"What?" Fear grips your heart at everything that implies.

"He's in your building, Eden. Find him and extract. Copy."

You move slowly, like ice is flowing through your veins. "Copy."

You will yourself to calm down. Lost communications doesn't mean anything but lost communications. Panicking that you're going to encounter his body will only ensure you end up as a corpse as well. Besides, who could ever take down a man like that, tall like a giant and quick like a viper as he is?

If you had lost comms, what would you do? Re-establish them, of course. Pick your way out of the building and do everything in your power to reconnect with your team. From where König entered, he'd be exiting the building on the east side. You turn to head that way, then hesitate.

König's not you, though. He's not like any other member of the team. Proud, arrogant, vicious König, far more so than other alphas. You used to be afraid of him while he was at work, but eventually you came to realize that was simply how he was in his element—a different persona he wore to battle. As much as you wished he would be sensible and take the safe route, König would never take the safe route. He'd be carrying on the mission on his own, moving towards the target at the center of the building.

But he's a professional. No matter how good he is at what he does, he's not a one-man army, and he knows the right thing to do would be to extract. It's a gamble. If you head towards the east exit and he's not there, you could be losing precious time to find him. But if you head towards the center, you could be walking right into a fight you can't win and become overwhelmed.

You let out a shaky breath and attempt to calm your mind. What would he do? What is he thinking? If you make the wrong call, if you don't know your lover as well as you think you do, one of you won't be walking out of here. You close your eyes and think.

You open them with newfound determination and turn towards the center of the building.

You'd been right, of course, judging by the fallen enemies you find as you move through the hallways. But you don't allow yourself to feel sure until the moment you lay eyes on him, securing the target—a hard drive containing sensitive information.

"König!" you hiss, just as he whips towards you, gun drawn. He relaxes when he sees it's only you. Despite the fraught situation you're in, you can't help yourself from dashing towards him and burying your face into his chest in a hug.

"Eden," he says, his relief evident.

"You stupid motherfucker," you hiss. "You should have extracted the moment your comms cut out."

His eyes crinkle up behind his mask the way they always do when he smiles. "You knew I wouldn't."

"Yes, because I am burdened with being one of the few people on this earth who knows you like the back of my hand. Atlas holding up the sky," you grumble.

"I know you're relieved to see me," he responds, joy evident in his tone.

You let out a sigh. "Can we just get out of here?"

"Aye-aye, captain."

You could do without those memories, you think whenever the two of you trade clipped exchanges during ops now.

König still has traces of the arrogance of his youth, but it shows through less now. He's wiser, more patient and far less reckless.

You catch yourself admiring how good of a leader he's become. His connection with his teammates is like muscles flexing a hand.

You're no longer a part of that nervous system.

In fact, he's always catching you off guard now.

The energy in the common area is weird today.

You can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s like everyone’s walking on eggshells, but at the same time, nobody’s mood seems to be that affected. It’s like you’re all mice living in someone’s walls: going about business as usual, but with some looming threat casting a pall over everything.

“Is it just me or does the energy on base feel off today?” you ask Calisto.

“Oh. Yeah, that. Don’t worry about it,” she says. She swings open the refrigerator and pulls out coffee creamer. “No need for concern. König’s in rut.”

You do a double take. “He is?”

“Yeah.” She’s casual about it as she dumps cream and sugar into her coffee. “Usually he has a pretty light rut—he just gets testy and irritated. But for some reason this time is bad.” She offers you the cream, but you shake your head. “Don’t know what’s up with him, but he had to barricade himself in his room. His scent is driving people up the wall.”

You stare at the table in front of you. It can’t be a coincidence that König’s rut gets worse as soon as you’re near him again, can it?

When you look up, Horangi is staring at you from across the room. Slowly, he raises his mug to his lips, never once taking his eyes off of you.

You swallow the lump in your throat.

Calisto was right. The scent is overwhelming, but it's also familiar. You can't blame the others for avoiding the area. If you'd never dealt with him in this state before, you'd be hightailing it out of there too. Which is why you're doing this despite...everything.

You hover outside his door, trying to gather yourself, or work up the nerve to knock, or anything. It doesn’t matter in the end, though.

“I can smell you, liebling,” comes his voice, deep and growling and verging on feral. A shiver runs up your spine. You haven’t been called that in a long, long time.

“I only came here to bring you things. Water and…snacks.” you stammer, instantly hating yourself for how weak you sound.

“All these years later…and you still smell the same.” He blows right past your feeble little excuse, not even dignifying it with a response.

“I’m just here to check on you,” you murmur.

“Is that so.” You gasp as you hear a loud thud against the door from the other side. Oh God, it’s him, his body heat almost burning through the wood, pressed so close that you can hear his heaving breaths. “How kind of you.”

“It’s the least I can do, considering…”

“Considering it’s your fault I’m like this in the first place?”

Your legs feel weak. “Yes.”

His voice is silky, dangerous despite the barely restrained lust behind it. “Good girl.”

“That’s not fair,” you whisper.

“That’s a shame. You used to like it when I called you that. Still do, according to my nose.”

You wish he wasn’t right, but he is. You’re so slick that you’re soaking your underwear.

“Do you want the water or not?”

“Are you going to come with it?”

“I—”

“Because I promise you, if you’re still standing there when I open this door, you will get fucked against it.” He sounds like a savage animal snapping his jaws in hunger, and fuck, your body feels hot and weak in response. Every cell in your body is screaming out for you to throw open that door and let him fuck you limp. If you told him to break down the door, you’re sure that he would.

“You can’t say that anymore,” you whisper, hating the words as they leave you.

That seems to bring König back to rationality. You can picture him now on the other side of the door, shoulders slumping as he withdraws back into himself. "I...I'm sorry."

You slide down to sit on the ground with your back to the door, gripping a water bottle in a clenched fist. "It's like no time has passed at all, huh?"

You hear him let out a shaky breath, clearly trying to collect himself and bite back words he can't say. "Yeah."

That's the thing, isn't it? Your biology and his got the two of you into this situation in the first place. Very little of that has changed. Even though you've grown distanced in your minds, your bodies haven't forgotten the connection.

You're still struggling with how to feel about that. So much of your life has been dictated by what your body needs and wants. You've spent just as much time bucking against those needs and wants, so much that it feels like second nature.

"All of this...it takes me back. Do you remember the first night I spent with you during a rut?" you say. For a while you don't think he's heard you, but then he responds.

"How could I forget? It's my most embarrassing memory."

"Still?"

"I swore I would never let something like that happen again."

You giggle a little. "It was cute, for what it's worth." That first time, you'd come prepared with water and food, just like you had tonight, prepared for a long night full of...strenuous exercise. Instead, König had gotten so overwhelmed at his first rut with a partner that he came by just grinding on your leg and immediately fell into a 12-hour sleep.

"Yeah, you've said that. Doesn't make me cringe any less."

"And I'll say it again, it wasn't as bad as you think it is." You idly trace the cap of the water bottle with a fingertip. "There's no shame between us."

Another long pause before he responds. "Was."

A dull, throbbing pain nestles itself below your sternum.

"It...doesn't have to be past tense," you put forth tentatively.

"Doesn't it? We've gone right back to being strangers. You're still on the other side of the door."

You bite your lip. You can't deny that, nor the distance that's grown between the two of you.

This is all happening too fast. You don't know if you want to close the gap. You don't know if you're ready to make amends, after what happened.

"You're in no condition to have this conversation," you say, to distract both him and yourself.

"Conversation with you is hard to come by nowadays."

"Well...let's change that. Starting when your rut's over. Let's try talking like normal people again." This time, you don't know if you can blame your stupid biology for the relief you feel saying that. Maybe this time it's nothing but you and your treacherous heart.

You hear a thump against the door, but not an aggressive one. More like he's leaned his head against it. "I guess we have to start somewhere."

More silence. Then he speaks again, his voice tremulous.

"Can you stay? It's easier when you're here."

You swallow, your mouth gone dry like a desert. You can barely manage your next two words. "Of course."

The rest of the night is quiet, but you know he's there. At one point, you can even hear his steady, even breathing. Somewhere along the way, you notice that your breathing has synced with his.

The two of you fall asleep like that, propped up next to each other with a single layer of wood between you.

I miss you like it was the very first night...

I only revised this once while exhausted out of my fucking mind at 3am, so forgive me if anything's awkward or clunky. I'll probably go through it again in the morning (and die of cringe). But there we go! I hope you guys enjoy. As always, I would love to see your thoughts and comments <3

Regarding my tag lists: I've had to leave out a few people, so if you see your url missing from this, please let me know and I'll add you back. Also, apologies if you're here despite not asking to be tagged for this particular story. I haven't gotten around to sorting out fic-specific taglists yet 🥲

@kneelingshadowsalome @danibee33 @crowbird @poohkie90 @cumikering @iytatsworld @papaver-decervicatus @anxietyrain @cookiepie111 @no1runawaymilkdad @chthonian-spectre @backwards-readings @yxllowtxpe @hexqueensupreme @violetstyless @her-majesty-theking @vegan-peppermint @peonytarian @ghostslittlegf @deaddainish @teehee-47 @catluvwr @keiva1000 @waves-against-a-cliff @channelsoph @cutiecusp @itsagrimm @dins-riduur-anthe @mantishymns @lexuria @complexivelovely @black-moon-bunny @kit-williams @shebibtedmypepnis @mafer383

#könig #könig x reader #könig x you #konig #konig x reader #konig x you #könig cod #konig cod #cod #cod mw2 #call of duty #mw2 #konig mw2 #könig mw2 #fic: now that we don't talk

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honeytonedhottie · 6 months

Text

getting things done fr౨ৎ₊ ⊹🫧

im going to use an example from the book "atomic habits" by james clear, the book was so amazing and i highly recommend it <3

so there was a photography teacher and he separated his class into two groups. group quality vs group quantity. the instructions were that group quality had to produce one perfect photo, and group quantity had to produce 100 photos. at the end of the term, the best photos were produced by the QUANTITY group.

the best photos were from the quantity group bcuz the students were busy taking photos, experimenting and learning from their mistakes so in the process of producing 100 photos they honed their skills.

however the quality group only sat around and speculated about perfection, they had little to show for their efforts and only produced a mediocre photo.

what can we learn from this౨ৎ₊ ⊹🫧

there is a difference between MOTION and ACTION. when ur in motion ur planning/strategizing and learning, although those things are good thats NOT what produces a result. ACTION will produce a result.

we can apply this knowledge in manifesting, its not enough to CONSUME loa content, consume loa content from my blog or youtube or anywhere else. the knowledge that could CHANGE UR LIFE is useless unless u apply it. although its good to learn more about the law, you'll only get an outcome thru application.

when preparation becomes procrastination, that means something must change. you dont wanna just be planning, u wanna be practicing.

#law of assumption #self concept #that girl #advice #self love #self care #becoming that girl #manifesting #it girl energy #it girl #neville goddard #books #atomic habits #manifestation #dream girl #dream life

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ghouljams · 11 months

Note

currently Terminally In Love with your fae!Simon au, and it has resulted in some ✨Thoughts✨

so, the bond that’s between Simon and reader — we’ve seen how it functions as a kind of honing beacon that allows Simon to know if reader is being fucked with by any other fae who dare to touch what he’s laid claim to… but from what I could discern the mark reacted so violently and allowed him to come to reader’s rescue solely because it was reacting to foreign fae magic… does it work the same for physical, nonmagical harm?

(and further, asking for the girlies…. what would Simon feel through the bond if the reader were to die 😚)

So glad you asked because it means I get to do some horror stuff. The short answer is Ghost's mark doesn't react the same way to human danger, it just pings Ghost to let him know there's trouble. The long answer is, the mark is stupid and will lash out at anything that is scaring MC, which sometimes includes Simon. Most of the time it just functions as an alarm system, but there's an adjustment period when Simon sort of has to train it on who it's ok to bite.

You've been followed since you got off the train. He's not even being stealthy about it. You make a turn, he turns, you stop, he stops, always a few steps behind you. No one else seems to notice or care. You look over your shoulder and see the same crewneck, the same beady eyes. His lips curve red into a smile when he knows you spot him. Your chest is tight, you try not to look at him. You thought you were past this, always looking over your shoulder isn't a good look. Then again neither is being dead. Better to be paranoid and alive.

It's getting dark. You don't live that far from the station, at least you didn't think you did. Maybe it's fear making the street feel longer, emptier. You pick up the pace, hearing the sentiment echoed behind you. The thud of footsteps getting progressively louder and closer, until you're forced to sprint. The effort is wasted immediately as you're grabbed and dragged into the nearest alley. Your chest squeezes with fear, your heart pounding in your ears as you're thrown against the brick wall. The buzz under your skin expands and contracts with your breaths, trying to do anything but calm you down. You think it might actually be driving your anxiety higher, towards a full blown panic, as the man grips your arms tight and grins down at you.

"Don't you know it's dangerous for little girls to wander alone at night?" He asks, he's close enough you can smell the alcohol on his breath. Your skin hurts where he touches you, bubbling with something you can't put a name to. The buzzing doesn't fit right, it slams against your ribs as you draw in shuddering breaths, there’s nothing for it to latch onto. You glance towards the mouth of the alley, the street was so empty, who would see you? This isn't right, he told you you'd be safe-

Something wet hits your face. The buzzing under your skin is reaching a fever, shaking you to your bones. You look up at the man, at the thick red and black mud falling from between his lips. He gives a wet cough. Your eyes drag to the black talons protruding from his chest, a hole punched through his ribs as if it were paper. The ribs themselves are warped outward and folded back away from the intrusion, more like wire than bone. You can't tear your eyes away from the sight, from the slick clawed hand dragging its way backwards through the viscera as you feel your buzzing start to move.

The silhouette that the collapse of your aggressor reveals is abyssal. Absorbing the shadows of the rest of the alley in a way you've never seen before. The air around it swirls with them. It's holding the man's heart in one clawed hand, tipping it's head back to swallow the organ whole. You are pretty sure you're having a panic attack. The abyss moves towards you like a ghost, and the buzz under your skin takes hold and forces you to MOVE.

The nose your fist collides with is startlingly human.

"You little bitch," Ghost snarls, making a grab for you as you sprint from the alley. Your feet slide against the sidewalk as you round the corner. The buzz under your skin rears back and strikes as his claws just miss you. "Not me you stupid-" he swears, you think he swears, you don't understand it but the buzz cowers.

You don't stop. Not even when you pass the door to your flat. You run because you can hear him running after you, can hear the scratch of his claws on brick and concrete as he tries to grab you. The gouges that he leaves in everything he touches, you don’t need to imagine what he could do to you, you saw it. You catch a glimpse of him as you turn a corner, his teeth are bared, his movements wild and animalistic.

His claws wrap around your throat, and you’re slammed into a wall for the second time tonight. He’s huge when he presses against your back, his chest expanding around his labored breathing in tandem with yours. You try to turn your head to look at him and he yanks your head back to stare at the stars. You both breathe, the night filled with the sound of your desperation. You swing your arm behind you to try and hit him, anything to make yourself more difficult prey. He catches your wrist easily and twists it behind your back, growling in your ear as he leans his weight on you.

“Not Me,” He tells you, it thrums through you like a universal truth, the buzz under your skin going warm and shivery, “You don't run from me. Not unless I tell you.” You nod, desperate to do something to ease your situation. “Good girl.”

His hand slides through your hair, fingers pressing to your forehead, and it all goes black.

You jolt awake shaking like a leaf. You press a hand to your mouth, choking down a sob. You’re terrified, it’s too dark in here, your skin feels like it’s been scrubbed raw, you feel like you’ve run a marathon. It must have been a nightmare, it must have been.

Simon turns on the light by the bed, woken up by your movements. “What’s wrong?” He asks, still half asleep. You shake your head, trying to get the shaking to stop. You feel like your body is trying to rip itself apart. Simon reaches a hand towards you and you jerk away, falling in a heap off the edge of the bed. You scurry away from him, you need distance, you need to get away from him. From the nightmare. Your back hits the wall as Simon stands.

“What did I say?” His eyes tear holes through you, you press against the wall trying to make yourself small as he stalks towards you, “Not. Me.”

#tw stalking #nonconsensual predator/prey dynamic #i guess???#Love's mark fucking BIT him #Fae!Ghost #being absolutely feral and scaring the hell out of Love #He'll tap her good so she forgets don't worry #do we all like the horror? Just me? Well that's fine I'm my own target audience #simon ghost x reader #reader x ghost #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x you #this is something that will likely get heavy updates in the actual fic #because I worry it is too vague #hmmmmm perhaps I should write some ghost perspective stuff

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howtofightwrite · 6 months

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How can I write a fight scene with opponents who are not just extremely capable fighters but extremely cunning and resourceful. Who adapt and the fight is never just about physical skill.

There isn't a single correct answer to this question. One common, and effective, solution is by breaking or countering a fighter's tricks.

One way to establish a character's skill in combat is to give them some specific tricks that they'll employ in a fight. Of course, having typed that, now the only specific example that comes to mind is The Operative's nerve strike from Serenity (which is, unfortunately, a terrible example for this conversation.)This is usually something like a character having a hidden weapon, or a specific method of disarming their foe. When you're using this method, letting another character hard counter their trick can instantly inform the audience that this character is far more dangerous than they initially appear.

In a very abstract sense, you can think of combat as characters having an array of actions available to them. Skilled combatants are likely to have a much wider range of options, options that are better tailored to the situation they're in, and in some cases, options that are specifically designed to counter things an opponent would attempt to use on them. Unskilled characters are likely to have a bunch of options mixed in that are either completely useless, actively detrimental, or both, with no idea which ones those are. For example: Every backyard wrestling video ever.

When you're looking at inexperienced characters, in that context, they'll attack their opponent, and then either act again if their opponent is unable to retaliate, or their foe will act against them. I will criticize writing combat as turn based, but with characters like this, it can be helpful to understand how they're operating. When you have experienced fighters, they have the ability to immediately respond to what their foe is doing. This doesn't always mean, directly countering their opponent's attack, sometimes it can mean they'll use their foe's action as an opportunity to get in.

Now, that's the abstraction, a lot of this does have some relation to the real world. Experienced fighters will have trained, and honed their responses into their muscle memory. They won't need to think about what they're going to do, they'll simply, “go.” Inexperienced, and untrained fighters will have their minds cluttered up with things they've seen in action movies, and they'll need a moment to filter through what's on their mind, and they won't have the background of knowing (either through instruction or experience) what will or won't work. So they need a moment, and then they'll try to do something.

This leads into the biggest problem for you, which is, combat between experienced fighters is fast; but, if you're writing prose, your ability to control the speed of a scene is limited. You can speed the reader up by keeping the text as spartan as possible, but it can also result in a very perfunctory, and unsatisfying, fight scene. This is part of why there's an appeal to the simplistic, “character has some combat tricks, antagonist can counter them,” structure. It can quickly convey that idea without getting too far into the weeds.

Now, one piece of bad news is the bit about how inexperienced and untrained fighters will have a lot of, “junk,” options floating around. This is also a problem for writers staging fight scenes. If you have absolutely no experience with combat, it can be pretty difficult to realize when some of those options that seem viable to you, simply wouldn't work. There is some range of forgiveness, after all if you think it should work, and can stage it out, maybe you can convince your readers that it would work, but it is something to be cautious of. A lot of the simpler, “can you do X?” questions we field tend to be cases where either that is something that works, it's similar to something that works, or it really doesn't work. Knife throwing comes to mind as one we've discussed repeatedly over the years. (It's a cool party trick, but not a great idea in a fight.) But, if you can write a scene where stabbing someone through the eye with an arrow is believable, it doesn't really matter that doing so is nearly impossible. So, even if you do run with some options that wouldn't really work, it doesn't mean that your fight scene won't.

One other piece of advice, that might first sound like a non-sequitur, it's okay for you to take breaks. Yes, your characters are fighting each other, and they're a fraction of a second away from being murdered in the most horrific ways possible, but you have the luxury of sitting back and really thinking about what their options are. Just because they could make those choices in the moment doesn't mean that you need to be just as fast.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. Patrons get access to new posts three days early, and direct access to us through Discord. If you’re already a Patron, thank you. If you’d like to support us, please consider becoming a Patron.

#writing reference #writing advice #writing tips #how to fight write #starke answers

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redbleedingrose · 11 months

Text

The Last Time ~ Azriel x Reader

A/N: LOL!! Azriel fics have long been requested and I finally decided to stop ignoring y’all. I hope that you enjoy! As always, please leave a like, comment and reblog, they mean so much to me (like more than you could know and keeps me motivated to keep putting stuff out)!

Warnings: Uhhh Porn. Some plot but mainly porn. Like 1.4k words of porn. So 18+ NSFW!

The scarred digits that lace around your neck squeeze tighter, stealing away the gasp of pleasure that was already slipping from between your swollen lips, his husky whisper drifting into my ear like a honeyed song, “say my name Angel, let me hear it.” A wave of humiliation floods your already flushed and sweating face, slipping down to your pulsing core as you shake your head in denial with pursed lips, your nails digging into the forearm of the shadowsinger that is forcing you to bounce up and down his cock. A smirk lilts his dark beautiful face, his pupils completely blown, rimmed with his hazel iris’ as he watches you through half lidded eyes rock your hips back and forth fervently, the sensation of his length grinding into your gummy walls has your eyes nearly rolling into the back of your head.

You grit your teeth, clenching at your jaw, trying to hold back any moans or whines from escaping. You had given him the upper hand with the gasp, but you weren’t going to let him get anything else out of you. The spymaster’s shadows swirl around your meshed bodies, slithering around your waist, down your belly and down to your throbbing clit, hazily circling around it leaving their ice cold sensation against burning hot skin. His head tosses back into the headboard with a resounding thump, biting down on his plumped and reddening lips to keep a groan from erupting, planting his feet into the mattress, jack knifing into you, meeting each of your downward thrusts with his own in a torrid effort to get you to cum first.

All of your sensations fade, honing into how the shadowsinger is making you feel in that moment. His tattooed, carved chest heaves under you with heavy breathes, enticing you to lean forward and leave a long hot lick along the path of his sternum that results in a hard buck into you, forcing the head of his cock right into your cervix. Hot, fast butterflies flutter in your stomach down to your core, coalescing into a tightening knot with each passing thrust. Your hips grind down onto his, the knot in you growing tighter, and tighter, and tighter with every millisecond. Claw marks are left on the Illyrian warrior's forearm when you pull away to clutch at his shoulders, trying to stabilize yourself before you completely fall apart. But maybe that's what he wants. Maybe he wants you to fall apart.

Maybe he wants to destroy you.

You wouldn’t be surprised. And you would be damned if you weren’t going to bring him down with you. This little unofficial arrangement between you and the shadowsinger had started months ago when Eris, your ‘boss’ as you called him, had assigned you to work with the Night Court to gather any information on the alliance that tied Hybern and Beron in hopes of overthrowing the current leadership of Autumn Court. This meant working hand in hand with their Spymaster, Azriel, whom you hated with every drop in your high fae blood. You couldn’t stand the way he looked at you, the way he eyed you with utter distrust, as if you had done something horrible to him like kicking his innocent puppy.

Hours and hours spent arguing over conflicting recounts of the partnership between the High lord of Autumn and Hybern, hours and hours spent retrieving documents from one another in private inns and hostels, hours and hours of screaming harsh insults at one another had devolved into this. It had devolved into roughly fucking one another, putting all your pent up disgust and hatred into one single means to an end: a devastating orgasm. Every time, every session you had, you or he would mutter the words, “this is the last time. It won’t happen again.” And each time, you both wholeheartedly believed it. But one way or another, you or he would fall back into the pit of lust, fall back into the utter loss of control that happened with each other. But, you would never let him get the upper hand over you. So you refused to make any sounds that would indicate the slightest hint of pleasure. You refused to say his name, even in your thoughts.

And to hell with the Cauldron, did he try to break you.

Your nails scrape down his chest leaving irritated marks that compels the side of your eye to twitch in a glint of pride, grinning at the shadowsinger with a sense of victory that when he will leave tonight, he will return to the Night court marked with his sins. The knot feels impossibly tight, nearly ready to fracture against the tension when the male leans forward, hand releasing its hold on your neck, sliding up to your jaw and yanking you forward by your face so that his breath brushes against your lips in peppery kisses, his fingers digging into the hollow of your cheeks forcing your mouth to open. Your eyes flicker back and forth between his, confusion racking your fogged mind, the uncomfortable sensation of your jaw being forced open has your bracing forward on your knees while his other hand thumbs your clit in hard presses and strokes.

The knot within you shatters into a billion pieces when he lifts his mouth towards you, spitting into your gaping mouth before forcing it shut, biting down harshly onto your bottom lip, drawing droplets of blood that he licks away when he grates out, “swallow Angel.” His ink hair falls forward, draping over his eyes that watch your throat bob as you take in his spit before they squeeze shut with burnt pleasure, hot ropes of his cum shooting deep inside your pulsating cunt, absolutely flooding your hole so that a ring of your mixed cream gathers at the base of his cock. You can’t help falling forward into the crook of his neck in utter euphoria, biting down on the litters of scars and black tattoos that cover the broadness of his shoulders and biceps, down to his back, chest, and even his abdomen, trying to fight down any sound other than broken gasps. You wouldn’t ever allow him to know just how good he made you feel, just how much you craved these visits, just how many countless times you had fingered your aching cunt to the thought of him, whispering his name when you fell apart. You would never allow him to know.

Never.

And he would never let you know the utter loss of control he felt around you.

So, when you finally catch your breath, you flex your shaking thighs that hover over his lap, latching onto the wooden headboard to lift yourself off of him and roll out of the bed. He sits up in his place, his scarred fingers tracing the mark that you had left behind, lazily watching as you calmly pace through the room of the hostel hidden deep in the Winter mountains, his shadows following you, swirling around your ankles and shins as you search for your clothes that had been strewn about when the arguing with him had decayed into the hard fucking. You couldn’t help avoiding his stunning, hate-filled hazel eyes at all costs, knowing that one look would send you crawling back into bed so that he could climb on top of you and rut into you without any resolve once more.

A horrid sense of fury ran through you for giving into the shadowsinger, along with a strike of pride when you discovered that tonight had meant he had given into you as well. Flinging your cloak over your shoulders as you toe on your goat leather boots, you slowly turn towards the doorway, sending a small glance in his direction. He hadn’t moved a single inch besides an arched eyebrow that was directed at you, a small smirk tugging at his lips, waiting for the words he would inevitably be hit with. With the sharpest of ice clinging to every word, you mutter loud enough so that he can hear from across the room, “This is the last time shadowsinger. It won’t happen again. Ever.” You reach over to snatch the folder of classified documents resting on the side table that were meant to be taken to Eris from Rhysand, letting the door slide open. You don’t turn back as you head down the stairs, rolling your eyes with a huff when you hear an arrogant, sarcasm laced tone call out from behind, “Sure it won’t, Angel.”

Part 2??? Maybe??? One day???

Masterlist

General taglist : @nyotamalfoy @brekkershadowsinger @kennedy-brooke @fieldofdaisiies

#azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #azriel acotar #acotar fanfic #azriel shadowsinger x reader #azriel spymaster x reader #azriel #azriel acotar fanfic

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satorkiees · 1 year

Text

12 weeks

synopsis : y/n and shoto are academic rivals. what will entail on their journey through ua?

cw : academic rivals to lovers, angsty in parts, fluff, kinda cliche lol. likely grammar errors. 6.8k words.

.100

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“damn it!” you exclaimed, running your hands through your hair in frustration. your rival, shoto todoroki, who was fiddling with his pen, paid no mind to the test results.

he had become your rival accidentally though you were 90% sure it was a one sided affair. during your entry exam into U.A, you had helped him out of a tough spot with a robot and all you got in return was a begrudged thanks and a reminisce of gratitude. when the entry results came out, you were peeved. the guy (who you found out was shoto todoroki through your mother) scored higher than you even though he had DEFINITELY made an error. you swore to yourself from then on, that if this guy was in your class, it was fate for you to beat this guy.

now, it’s been months since you entered u.a and all of your test scores (specifically maths) had been good, outstanding even, but were never good enough to beat todoroki.

“don’t you think it’s getting a bit weird?” mina asked whilst tears were dramatically falling from your eyes.

“huh?” you replied.

“i mean as far as i know, you guys barely even talk so where did this huge grudge even come from?” she sighed, grabbing a crumpled tissue from her pocket. you took it gratefully and blew your nose.

however, shoto was painfully aware of your existence. when he had entered u.a, he never intended to dominate his class academically, his main focus was on honing his ice ability.

though, during his time at u.a, he had become more invested in his academics. your sheer drive and tenacity to strive to be the best was admirable. his prior conversations with you had always been brief and mainly consisted of you swearing that he’d ‘reap the day he underestimated you’ - whatever that meant. but he figured he liked you, your determination, your extroversion, your smile…anyways, he decided that it was time to actually get to know you.

the bell rang whilst students filed out of the classroom bustling to the cafeteria for lunch. quickly, you shoved the rest of the contents of your desk into your bag as all of your friends had betrayed you to get an early lunch - leaving you behind. shoto watched you curiously, moving his hand to rest his face when he accidentally knocked his water bottle off the table causing an abrupt noise.

you shrieked to put it politely. turning around to face shoto todoroki - your sworn enemy. narrowing your eyes at him, you helped him pick up his water bottle and went to back to putting your remaining belongings in your bag.

“thank you,” he stood up, placing himself in your field of sight, “ i appreciate it.” and he walked off.

you were stunned. shocked even. you didn’t know this guy even knew how to smile let alone have manners. a weird feeling erupted in your stomach, a feeling you chose to ignore.

from then on, you and todoroki were on friendly terms, he went out of his way to smile or wave at you, to greet you ‘good morning’ without fail. you were slightly off put from the change but ultimately decided it was a good one.

the gods were against you.

you had been paired with your sworn rival for the next 3 months. and with this feeling growing bigger every day, with his heterochromatic eyes and his nice smile… you had no idea what to do. it was your last period of the day, both you and todoroki were tasked to stay behind and clear up the extra equipment. the silence was deafening and you had absolutely no intention of breaking it.

“do you hate me?” shoto says abruptly, breaking the silence

“what?” you turn around to face him properly for the first time this period.

“though we aren’t close, i feel as though ever since we’ve been at u.a, you’ve disliked me. and.. and i’m not sure if i’ve done anything to offend you but if i have, i’m sorry.”

your eyes widened at his apology. “oh.”

his eyes were honest, sincere enough that all you could do was turn away. as you walked on, it was as though he was seeing right through you. honestly, you didn’t even think todoroki even knew who you were and it wasn't as if you hated him. far from it, if anything, he made you feel insecure in your own sense of self but you had never hated him.

“i don’t hate you, or anything like that. i- i’m sorry that i gave that impression.” your voice coming out less strongly than you had liked. “if anything, i think i envied you a bit,“ your ears burning up at your confession.

“you’re really smart and i just can’t seem to beat you.” with the rest of the equipment in your hands, you turned to face him again. his eyes were soft and his features slightly lifted. “so, i.. uh.. i consider you my rival, todoroki.” by the time you had finished, your whole face was flushed. the feeling was everywhere, it was a warm one, afraid todoroki would notice the sudden change in temperature. you turned on your heel leaving your rival with a faint smile imprinted on his lips.

two weeks had passed since then, and you would now consider todoroki a friend of sorts. the study sessions he held in the common room were helpful. you hung onto his every word, how his voice fluctuated slightly when trying to explain a difficult concept, or how he had pinned his hair back to stop his hair falling into his eyes. and the weird feeling had only grown bigger, enough to begin to consume you - you ignored it. it was normal to think about your rival like this, you reasoned. deciding you only started noticing these things so you could beat him in the future. that was all there was to it.

two weeks had passed since todoroki had asked if you hated him. and midoriya had helped him out by inviting you to the study sessions he held sometimes though he was certain you were more capable of teaching the content than he was. he noticed how your brows knitted together whilst trying to figure out a question or how your eyes lit up when you had finally figured it out. he was enthralled by you. and he had no idea why. when he had tried to ask his friends for help (namely midoriya), he was met with a pat on the back and a pitiful ‘good luck’.

four weeks had passed since you had picked up his water bottle. thoughts of him had begun to consume your whole being. his hair, his eyelashes, his honest eyes, his smell, his everything. his presence became overwhelming. as you were getting ready to take your last exam for the term, you could feel his gaze burning into the back of your head.

truthfully, for the past week or so, you had been ignoring him like the plague. you stopped coming to the study sessions, you stopped replying as quickly to his texts, you stopped looking at him completely. you had to do well on this exam. you were certain you could beat him this time and for yourself, you HAD to do well because if you didn’t have your academics what else did you have? the clock began, the sound of pencils scrawling across the paper, the heavy breathing of your peers, all of it was familiar to you, it was what you were good at. the clock ended, pencils down and the tense atmosphere melted away.

“the test was sooooooo harddddddd” mina whined, stretching. you laughed with your friend though your heart wasn’t really in it. mina’s eyes lit up “ we should go shopping to celebrate !!”

though you weren’t usually one to pass up on an offer like that, you hadn’t felt this drained for a long time. so you politely declined her offer and encouraged her to go ask ochaco or tsu instead, leaving you behind again. his eyes were still burning in the back of your head, you began to pack up your stuff quicker to avoid having a conversation with him.

“are you alright, l/n?” shoto asked, concern laced in his words, leaving his seat, to help you pack up.

“yeah? why wouldn’t i be okay?” you said dismissively. taking away the notebook he had picked up for you from his hands.

“you’ve seemed off these past couple of days.” he said sincerely, trying to meet your averting gaze.

“todoroki.” you said, looking directly into his eyes “ i’m fine so just let it be. i’m fine. if i needed your help. i would’ve asked for it.” you spat your words out, shoving the rest of your stationery in your bag and swiftly exiting the room. leaving todoroki confused as ever.

your conscience wouldn’t let you sleep that night, guilt devoured your whole being. he was just asking if you were okay and you blew up in his face? why would you do that? why would you say that? what if he never speaks to you again? what about he hates you now? your spiralling seemed to be never-ending until a notification interrupted your sniffling. the light made you squint, struggling to see who the notification was from.

todoroki : Hey, I know you said you were fine but I am worried about you. If you want

me to go away, block me but-

if you were sniffling before, you were heaving now. spiralling came to you naturally, and your heart had become so bruised that you ended up pushing away those who care about you. his message preview was enough for you to start crafting an apology. though tears still stained your face, the warm feeling had begun to push out the horrid feeling. you made a small bouquet of paper tulips and wrote a handwritten apology note. it was 11ish at night when you had finished, and you weren’t sure if shoto was even in his dorm but you knocked regardless. as soon as you knocked, your heart begun to pound inside of your chest and you began to spiral again. what about he wasn’t in? what if he WAS in? what about this was too much? what about-

the door opened, todoroki was greeted by you, holding a mini bouquet of paper tulips in one hand and a letter in the other. his heart must’ve skipped a few beats. your eyes were a bit red, he assumed from crying and your hair was a bit messy but he couldn’t help notice how beautiful you were.

“uh. hi.” you said awkwardly, causing todoroki to come back to reality. “i made this as an apology for earlier- i was. i was out of order for what i said and i’m sorry so yeah. now that i’m here i feel like it was a bit much-” mentally you were kicking yourself, since when did you ramble like this? however, your rambling was cut off by the todoroki pulling you in for a hug. that’s when it hit you. you were crushing on shoto todoroki. his arms clung onto your waist and yours around his neck, your bodies pressed up against each other. your bodies melting into one another with both of your temperatures rising by the second. as your head was pressed up against his chest, his heart sung loudly and irregularly, a similar tune to your own. though, you didn’t want to let go but pulled away so you could give him what you had made. tears were brimming your eyes already and before you burst out into tears you whispered a thank you. leaving todoroki behind again his request for you on the tip of his tongue.

5 weeks later and you’re back to your usual self. the only evidence of the night happening was your handmade flowers in a makeshift vase on shoto’s bedside table. on your desk, aizawa had placed your test scores from last week on your desk. as you picked up your test and held it close to your chest, shielding it from any peering eyes (denki.), you turned around to face todoroki with a look of determination etched into your features. luckily, todoroki hadn’t touched his test yet, or even looked at it, it seemed.

“ hello y/n.” he greeted.

“ i need to know what you got on your test scores.”

“ah, i see.” he copied your previous motion, becoming used to the ritual you guys had formed after test season, sliding the test scores towards him and holding the sheets close to him. carefully, he peered at the first one, “ i got 94 for english.” truthfully, your fingers had been crossed for any extra bit of any luck you could snag before seeing your results despite the tests already being marked. after a deep breath in and a quick prayer to the divine gods who had paired you with todoroki in hero training, you looked at your english paper.

“94. as well,” a tiny sigh of relief that it wasn’t worse than todoroki’s, you trudged on. “ for general sciences, i got 98-96-84…” chemistry had always been your worst science and you were surprised you had even gotten that high to begin with.

“ well done. i got,” todoroki peered at his paper again, hair falling into his eyes once more. an unexpected laugh escaped his lips, one quickly masked with a slight cough “ i got 99-79-90.” even todoroki had a weakness too, physics. ultimately, your total scores still added up to be the same so this was your tiebreaker - maths. beads of sweat began to formulate on your head, muscles tense, breathing heavy.

you peered down at your results…

“okay… i got 100? I GOT 100?? I GOT 100!” you squealed, erupting with excitement. maths wasn’t your weakest however, it’s the only subject you hadn’t 1) gotten a 100 in and 2) beaten todoroki in.

“congrats,” his eyes softened, a familiar warm feeling returned to him, one that he couldn't quite place. your smile was contagious, enough to bring a noticeable smile on his own face too. once he had peeked at his results, a clear, thick cloud of darkness appeared on his face. in contrast, he had barely even passed this exam, let alone done well enough to face you as a rival. gradually, during your reveal, you had moved closer to todoroki, enough to tap him on the shoulder and bring him back to reality.

“ soooo, what’d you get?” you asked inquisitively. shoto ignored the heat rushing to his face from the sudden contact from you.

“ 54.” shoto replied, much blunter than he had expected, “i barely passed that exam.” doing your best to hide the smug expression on your face, you asked him how he got that in the first place. as he skimmed through his paper, all you could do was look at his face. it was a new expression, frustration evident in his face with his hands running through his hair. even while he was frustrated, he was utterly beautiful. another chuckle erupted from his mouth, one that he covered up quickly with a cough. “i completely learnt this concept wrong so it messed up the foundation for all of these,” he said, showing you the paper. skimming through it, you were able to pick up on the errors he made, mostly silly mistakes and a misunderstanding of the content. still, you were so surprised you had beaten THE shoto todoroki.

“i guess you win this time,” he said, shuffling the papers to hand back to mr aizawa, who was now making his way around the room. “ but don’t get too complacent just because you beat me.” your competitive spirit, though never gone, was ignited once again.

5 weeks and 4 days and you’re inside todoroki’s room for the first time. he insisted you help him learn the maths he couldn’t get whilst you were strongly advising momo to be a much better help. determined, he convinced you to help him and here you were in front of his dorm once again.

shoto welcomed you in with a smile and showed you to your seat. the walls were mainly bare (other than one all might poster which you guessed was a gift from midoriya) and a sage green, that being the only pop of colour in the whole room. it was a tight space just like the rest of your dorms but he utilised the space well, with no unnecessary clutter. his blinds were open letting in the golden light from the sun’s peak which kissed his living space leaving a warm feel to the whole room. everything was tidy, notebooks, novels all stacked neatly upon one another. you weren’t incredibly surprised by the state of his room however your eyes widened slightly at the sight of your dishevelled flowers from a couple of weeks ago. they were slightly more crumpled than when you had first gifted them to him, however they still had their shape and were arranged nicely in a vase on his bedside table alongside a photo with who you assumed were his two siblings.

“you kept these?” you asked softly. he hummed in response whilst trying to set up the last of what you’d need for your upcoming study session.

“is it a problem?” he countered, picking up the final of the textbooks and placing them onto the desk. you shook your head in response, positioning yourself to the left side of todoroki.

“not at all. i was just surprised you kept them, that's all.”

“why wouldn’t i?”

“i mean,” you hesitated. “i kinda thought it was a bit much.” you laughed awkwardly, todoroki’s intense gaze encouraging you to keep going. you continued as you looked away, searching for the page number. “communication has never really been my thing so. i get a bit weird sometimes, especially during exams.” far past the page you needed, you kept flicking through it, “i know you never actually consented to being my rival or anything so i get it if you think i’m a bit weird for it. and that if you’d rather not be my friend or be part of the rival thing. it is a bit childish.” having reached the end of the textbook and the end of your willingness to open up anymore, the both of you sat in silence.

his brow furrowed and not sure what to do, he sat with you. flicking through the textbook you were fidgeting with before. he pressed his leg up against you and gave you an affirmative nod. “i’m not sure what to say but i do enjoy being your rival. you motivate me, l/n.” a melodic tune erupted in your chest, a sound that was becoming commonplace when near your said rival.

“alright! let’s get started!”

6 weeks and 2 days since you had picked up his water bottle and the u.a hero course was on their way to a field trip out in the country. the skies had cleared up, sun rays beaming and the semester over, high morale filled your class. there, you would train with the wild wild pussy cats and learn different techniques to hone your abilities. their focus on mountain rescue was sure to be helpful in increasing your quirk’s capabilities as well as your general knowledge of different terrains. you were excited to say the least, todoroki (who was your assigned partner for this trip also) had been hearing all about it from you and your friend ochaco. the bus ride was smooth sailing for the most part. as you gawked out the window admiring the blurs of emerald, royal blue and yellows, occasionally pointing out a pretty flower to your seat partner, todoroki. 2 hours passed in the blink of an eye and before you knew it, your class was filing out of the bus to be greeted by the beloved pro heroes.

something was amiss. with no camp insight, your peers quickly tried to run back onto the bus but were quickly met with the rumbling of the earth beneath them which catapulted them (and you) off of the cliff and down into the forest beneath you.

“if you’re lucky and get there by 12.30, you’ll get lunch!” yelled the blonde pro-hero gleefully as you and your classmates fell to your doom.

panic erupted between you and your friends, you clamoured together as you were met with earth-composed beasts. suddenly, everything clicked. your class fell into formation and you ploughed your way through the forest in record time.

record time being 5.20PM meaning everyone had missed lunch by a long shot. sweat drowsed your uniform that covered your aching muscles as heavy breathing filled the air. shoto helped you carry your suitcase to your shared room with mina, ochaco and the rest of the girls. the room was small but cozy, enough bunk beds for everyone and enough space to fit everyone’s stuff. you and shoto made your way to the dining room where everyone was already devouring their hard-earned food. the both of you slipped into easy conversation about hero-work and the future whilst enjoying the amazing food the heroes had prepared for your class. dinner came and went and after a long, warm shower, you felt rejuvenated and ready to tackle anything.

the next day was an early one. the alarm went off at 5.00am and it was a race against the clock to be out and done by 5.30am.

“has anyone seen my charger??” jirou called out, tsu trying her best to untangle the cords whilst she was straightening her hair.

“ i haven’t,” mina replied, applying her mascara on “does anyone have a spare p.e kit i could borrow?”

“i’m so exhausted,” momo said, trying to muffle the sounds and delve back into her peaceful dreamland.

last night was amazing. after the hot springs, you and the rest of the girls decided to stay up a little later, catching up with each other and discussing other summer plans. “soo, how about you and todoroki?” mina said, raising her eyebrows playfully. a chorus of ‘ooooo’s erupted from the rest of your girlfriends whilst you did your best to wave them off.

“there’s nothing going on between us.” you said, gaining a few ‘aww’s this time from the audience. “i like him but as far as i can tell, it’s one sided.”

“well, you must be blind.” mina shrugged, pulling the covers over her head. “ i think it’s best we get some sleep.” she said, cutting you off before giving you time to process what she had meant with her comment..

after last night and a chaotic morning, you were once again drained and unprepared to face the morning of what you knew would be extensive quirk training. however, you powered through it till the end. after a quick shower and getting ready for dinner, you bumped into a familiar dual hair coloured boy.

“todoroki!” you called out, signalling for him to come next to you, having barely seen him all day due to your focus on quirk training. still as pretty as ever you thought to yourself as todoroki talked a bit about his new quirk regime. he was more animated since you had first began talking to him and now that you were off school - you didn’t see him as much as your rival but a good friend. shoto cleared you in all aspects when it came to ability so you found it helpful when talking to him about his quirk and how it could be applied to your own. you loved how he articulated his words and how he made complicated concepts seem simple. you loved the way he began to use his hands when passionate about certain things and how deeply thoughtful he was.

the pro heroes had left you and your peers to your own devices when cooking your own dinner today - katsu curry and it was a sight to behold. you were in charge of preparing the vegetables. however, your kryptonite was anything to do with the kitchen - you were absolutely awful. carefully, you inserted the knife slowly into the carrots whilst your kitchen partner, bakugo skillfully cut the vegetables in record time.

“woah bakugo, you’re so good with that knife, it’s weirdddd.” uraraka said in passing hoisting campfire wood in her arms.

“WHAT’D YOU SAY TO ME?” bakugo shouted whilst still cutting the rest of the vegetables to precision.

irked by bakugo’s excellence, you tried your best to mimic the speed of your cutting counterpart. and for the most part it was going well until you heard your name being called out by your crush. your focus had been lost, causing you to slice your finger causing it to ooze out blood, quickly you pulled your hand from the knife and began to shake as a feeble attempt to soothe the pain. you cried out in pain as you began to try and find the nearest first aid kit, shoto felt a pang of guilt through his chest as rushed over to help you.

truthfully, it wasn’t that big of a deal. you were a hero in training and this was definitely on the lower end of pain you had experienced under u.a’s care. it still hurt like crazy though. shoto was careful around you, more so than usual you thought. another side of him you hadn’t seen before. he ushered you the taps so you could prevent any form of infection happening whilst he rushed to get plasters from iida. the both of you were sat on a bench in a secluded area that was quite a bit away from the boisterous cheer of your classmates. where you were was quiet, secluded, intimate. an experience that you hadn’t been in before. todoroki’s sole focus was on your injury though you had insisted it was quite alright. he had urged otherwise which was how you landed in this predicament.

shoto’s hands entangled in yours. his heavy breathing and laser focus on getting the bandage placement just right. never had your feeling been so warm, it was burning you from the inside out, hotter than your desire to beat him, hotter than anything you had ever felt before. you sat up a little straighter causing shoto to unravel the bandage.

“sorry-” you both said at the same time. your eyes locked with one another and for a moment it felt as though you had fallen deep inside of his. you quickly pulled yourself out of it, looking away first.

the sound of the summer leaves swaying together whilst the birds sang an evening lullaby accompanied your shoujo-esque scene. “my sister taught me how to cook,” todoroki started, having not broken his unwavering gaze. “she’s amazing at what she does. she’s a teacher now too.” he said proudly, looking at the sunset. the warm hues of orange, pink and violet swirled together in the sky and both of you fell into a comfortable silence.

“todoroki, i want to tell you something but promise you won’t laugh.” his ears perked up as he turned to face you once again. a sudden wave of confidence overcame you and as you were about to respond, confess even, you heard a familiar voice.

“ STOP FLIRTING AND GET OVER HERE.” mina called out, loud enough everyone in a 500 mile radius could’ve heard. shoto closes the first aid kit, accidentally brushing his hand against yours again. if you weren’t already flushed, you had to be now. all of your prior confidence melting away from you by the second and that hot burning feeling, simmered down into something manageable. he wondered what you were going to tell him but inferred that you were back to your usual self. doing your best to ignore the familiar feeling growing in your chest, you started up a conversation - one that you both fall back into effortlessly.

as you arrive, you’re informed that all of you will be partaking in a haunted horror game around the woods. you’re paired off with both todoroki and bakugo due to the uneven numbers from the students off at extra classes. bakugo walked in front of you both muttering about not wanting to see ‘lovey dovey shit’ and that you both should ‘die or confess’ otherwise he’d puke. ignoring him, shoto’s eyes lit up as he told you a bit about his childhood and how ever since he was young, horror movies had been his favourite. when he asked if you were into horror, you simply shook your head in response as you hated it. the occasional blood curdling screams did not help your fears whatsoever. shoto held out his hand and you took it giving it a squeeze. bakugo came to a halt, causing the both of you to follow suit.

there was a head poking out the ground. there was a head poking out the ground. her eyes were hollow and deeply sunken to the back of her head. she was paler than snow and her hair was as black as charcoal. she was ghastly. you joined the other screams to create a harmonious choir of horror whilst putting off your other two teammates. apologising, the three of you kept moving so you could complete the route before bakugo’s bedtime which he insisted he didn’t have.

“i didn’t know you were actually scared of horror.” todoroki chuckled, amused by your earlier reaction.

“i did say, didn’t i?” you replied, embarrassed. “and besides, i can barely handle movie horror let alone seeing a girl’s head pop out of the ground.” frustrated, kicking at the ground. your reply only caused todoroki to let out a fit of laughter. an unexpected one at that. bakugo turned around and scowled at the both of you, becoming crankier the closer the time approached his bedtime. his laugh didn’t get any less attractive, the more times you heard. in fact, quite the opposite. the way his hands clutched his sides and his eyes crinkled, you were star struck. if cupid hadn’t already struck your heart, this was the final blow. you joined in with his laughter to the point both of you were hysterically laughing and trying to stifle it. the both of you had taken mental screenshots of the moment, carved one another’s laughs into your minds. however, everytime bakugo yelled at you to keep it down, it only restarted it. that’s when your familiar feeling grew, it became something bigger, something you no longer had any control over. the same burning feeling that overcame you on the bench earlier.

a creeping foul odour had begun to infiltrate the air. over the past couple of minutes, a deep mauve mist had clouded the air. catching on, your teammates also covered their lower faces to minimise the inhaling of the putrid gas. bakugo had made the call to keep going in the direction you were headed back to camp and both of you followed suit. the screams that had filled the air prior had stopped, an uncomfortable silence filled it instead.

something was amiss.

the silence was pierced by a mumbling sound, a constant one at that. as you the three of you approached the noise, a man with his limbs strapped tightly to his torso, drowsed in black turned to face you. the upper half of his face was covered, tightly sworn off though you could make your deep holes due to the tightness of dark fabric. with a dry throat, slowly you began to approach the man, on-guard for what was to come. both of your friends had joined you, edging towards the mysterious figure.

a rush of ice sped right past you creating a barrier of sorts. this man had teeth and many of them. some short and some long and thin. they were mangled. panic consumed you, unsure of what to do. your teammates were much more equipped for the fight but even bakugo was rendered useless due to his quirk and the forest environment.

but you were doing your best, to help out, to help your class, to help your country. however, maybe your best wasn’t enough or your best wasn’t appreciated by the gods as an agonising pain pierced through your lower abdomen, copious amounts of blood matching your pain.

“y/n!” todoroki yelled, his voice strained.

you did your best to muster up a response to which you were met with a sharp, piercing pain that rang throughout your whole body. as he saw your face contort with movements you were once able to do just an hour ago, he felt a deep pang in his chest. “todoroki,” your voice coming out no louder than a whisper. “ i need you.” your final words as you passed out.

the fight ended soon after you passed out. the next couple of hours were a blur for todoroki, the vanguard action squad had been beaten temporarily however your injury consumed him. he had been tasked to carry you back safely after cauterising your injury, apologising profusely whilst he sealed your bleed out.

peacefully, you laid in his arms, quiet and still. he thought about what he could’ve done time and time again to prevent the injury from ever happening. if he had only been more diligent, if he had helped out more, if he had just said something. all of these ruminating emotions were evident on his face all the way back to the hospital, he had reverted back to his quiet self, the most he spoke was about your injury to the doctor when he was checking you in. the doctors assured him that you would be okay, that it might take a while for you to wake up so it was best for him to go home. and so he did.

he went back to dorm life and waited.

he tried his best to integrate back into dorm life, it had been 7 weeks and 3 days since you had picked up his water bottle. it was one his dad had bought him as a gift - something about being the best in the business, the water bottle that could really enhance his quirk. something stupid and trivial. but you picked it up for him so he’d attached it to you. and your face and your smile and your intelligence and your grace and-

that was when it hit him. a cold afternoon after classes had been resumed the day before. that he didn’t want a life without you, a life where your rivalry wasn’t there, a life where he couldn’t make you laugh or smile. a life where you only existed in his memories. during the past week, he had been updated about your condition from your other classmates that went to visit. he couldn’t bring himself to see you, not when you weren’t awake. bakugo had given him an earful about it on many occasions since the rest of the class had all been back in dorms.

“has anyone else come to see me?” you asked, fiddling with one of the many “get well soon!” cards you had gotten from your friends and family.

“nope.” mina replied. “i told todoroki he should come and visit you but he got all weird about it. he’s been so quiet lately. you need to hurry up and get better so he becomes normal again.” she sighed. you warmed up at the sound of todoroki’s name. you ignored how mina caught on to your not-so-obvious way of asking if he had came to see you yet but were completely intrigued by your answer. truthfully, you thought todoroki had forgotten about you or better yet, thought you were a burden of some kind and refused to see you.

mina had given you the rundown of what she knew about what happened, though she didn’t know much as she had been stuck in the remedial course. “i just think it’s high time, you confessed y/n.” she squeezed your hand. “ i mean, god forbid but you could’ve died. and. i.. i just don’t want you having any regrets, you know? hero life is tough and it’ll only get tougher from here so live a little!”

later that evening, you had one final visitor. you were fast asleep, deep in your own subconscious and though the doctors had advised him to go home, he assured he wouldn’t take long.

shoto saw you again for the first time in a week or so, quiet and still like the last he saw you. most of the colour had returned to your face and you looked as beautiful as you did then as well as all the times you had before. he had white tulips in his left hand and a long note written in the other, he led the tulips on your bedside table which was overflowing with an assortment of gifts and cards. he sat quietly beside you with the sound of your light breathing and the slow, rhythmic tick of the clock to accompany him.

“i promise you that when you’re awake, the first thing i’ll do is tell you that i like you. your eyes, your smile, your everything.”

8 weeks.

today, you were being transferred from the main hospital to recovery girl’s room for the last bit of your recovery. the injury had affected specific areas of your quirk which needed professional care to not mess any potential growth in the future. after you had woken up from the last hospital, most of your stuff had already been packed up though tulips and a note (which definitely weren’t there before) met you when you woke up. you opened the letter to see a quick note scrawled onto it, “text me when you wake up, todoroki.”. a bit ominous, you thought but your curiosity was peaked.

before you had the chance to shoot a text to todoroki, you were ushered into the car back to u.a and now were in recovery girl’s room. hours later, you pulled out your phone and shot a quick text to him.

you : hey, just got your note!! i’m in recovery girl’s room now as i’m well enough now. i think i’ll be in classes soon too!! hope u haven’t gotten lazy, i’m gonna have an academic comeback with all the content i’ve missed 😜

ping! todoroki picked up his phone ditching his attempt to study maths on his own. he had been catastrophizing the whole morning, unsure of if the note and tulips were a bit much or if you had just decided to ignore his note, thankfully you hadn’t.

shoto : i’m “on the grind” as you call it lol. i’m coming in 10. stay awake please.

shoto threw on the nearest jumper he could find and made his way towards recovery girl’s room.

there were 3 light knocks at recovery girl’s door. 4 minutes had passed since he had sent you that text, your mind coming up with all types of scenarios - many that you thought were delusional. recovery girl was currently on her lunch break so you took the liberty of opening the door and lo and behold, shoto todoroki was stood before you. slightly dishevelled, his laces undone and slightly out of breath.

for a moment, you both took each other in. he pulled you into a hug. one similar to the previous hug you had shared, it felt as though it lasted forever and no time at all simultaneously. he pulled away first from the warm embrace with his hands placed firmly on your upper arms and for the first time in weeks looked at you with the same lovestruck eyes.

“i like you. and i missed you. and your smile and your face and you.” a breathlessness still present in his voice.

oh.

and if it wasn’t already crystal clear to you before, the current reality had been shattered and rebuilt for you once more from the gods above.

speechless. you looked at him with an ‘o’ expression plastered on your face. “ i missed you too.” you managed, pulling todoroki back into an embrace. “and i like you too.”

epilogue.

12 weeks after you had picked up his bottle and you were back into class and everything had smoothed into a new normal.

summer came and went, with fall on the horizon and the start of the second semester which meant a new finals season was upon class 1-a.

“no way you beat me?????” you groaned, running your hands through your hair. your maths test had a solid 92 on it but your boyfriend had managed a perfect 100.

“i guess i did.” a smug smile spreading across his face which prompted a pout to form on yours. “don’t be mad y/n.” he cooed.

“i’m not.” you said flatly, beginning to turn back to your seat. shoto stopped you in your tracks placing a light peck on your cheek. heat rushed up to your face causing yourself to cover your face.

“better luck next time.” shoto said with an evident smile clear across his face, a smile you would never get tired of seeing.

a/n : i'm so glad i've finished this oml. i feel like i could've added more buttttt i was getting tired of this fic tbh so it's shorter than i intended. hope you liked it. reblogs, notes and comments all appreciated. requests are open!!

#bugeatermaya #shoto x y/n #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #todoroki x you #shoto todoroki x reader #my hero academia x reader #shoto angst #shoto fluff #academic rivals to lovers #shoto x you #todoroki x y/n

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starsworldd · 1 year

Text

solar return return observations part 3 💫

take with a grain of salt

- asteroid starr (4150) conjunct chart ruler could mean recognition (particularly with artistic endeavors) 🥖

- pluto in the sixth house can indicate a good work ethic for that year, but you may also dread the daily tasks/work you have to do. i think this placement could also indicate not sleeping enough, or something of that sort happening with your health due to work-related issues 🥖

- chiron in the 9th house could mean that you dread college, but you will also learn how to manage this pain 🥖

- 9th house ruler can show where you learn the most lessons/philosophical truths throughout that year:

• 9th house ruler in 11th = philosophical truths dealing with friend groups and fitting in

• 9th house ruler in 7th = lessons learnt around partnerships (business, spouse, friends, etc..)

• 9th house ruler in 3rd = truths revealing themselves through communication, social media, small projects

- a year with solar return ascendant conjunct natal north node can manifest as a life-changing year (check which house to see what area of life is affected) 🥖

- a year in which moon is conjunct mars whether that be natal x solar or only in the solar return chart is a year of hustle, especially if it’s in a martian sign (aries, scorpio) 🥖

- solar return chart ruler in the 11th house could mean more gatherings and meeting new people 🥖

- second house placements in a solar return chart could be representative of “building” something. check the sign and placement of house ruler to see how and where “building” will be manifested this year 🥖

- sun in third house in solar return (im just gonna use sr from now on geez) means communicating a lot for that year 🥖

- conjunctions to angles (i usually use an orb of 3 degrees) in sr can usually manifest as pivotal years, stelliums too 🥖

- the moon in the sr chart shows what area of life is impacting our emotions the most:

• moon in 6th house = work, daily habits affect our emotions the most

• moon in 8th house = our losses, transformations and beginnings impact our emotions the most

• moon in 10th house = reputation and calling impact emotions the most

- trine between mars and saturn in a sr chart means having patience and endurance for the houses the planets are trining between (eg. 7th and 11th, progress towards communication and connections, 5th and 9th fun and exploration, etc..) 🥖

- jupiter in 6th in sr chart = bodily improvements (relating to weight or disease as examples) 🥖

- jupiter retrograde in sr chart doesn’t manifest itself as badly as everyone thinks. jupiter will still provide with good results, it just may mean that they’re not as strong or plentiful as they could’ve been 🥖

- 6th house ruler in 9th house ruler may mean traveling to international places in order to fulfill your jobs and tasks for that year 🥖

- 11th house ruler in 11th = mass popularity for that year 🥖

- jupiter in 4th in sr chart could mean emotional happiness or fulfillment is found throughout the year 🥖

- 6th house stellium is a year in which you’re honing your skills and practicing for improvement in a particular area of life (check house ruler) 🥖

- mutual receptions are similar to conjunctions i’ve heard. as an example, a mutual reception between the 2nd and 3rd house means gaining substance (doesn’t necessarily have to be material) from social media or small projects 🥖

- sun conjunct venus in sr is a blessed placement for that year especially if venus is in domicile or exaltation (pisces, libra, taurus) 🥖

let me know what types of other posts i should do!

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sarcastic--metaphor · 7 months

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Vampire!Simon AU Timeline

I tried to keep this loose and simple but it ended up being a lot more detailed than I expected. This is a pretty comprehensive timeline of my AU's backstory for anyone who wants to know more or just wants a clear idea what wtf is happening. Enjoy!

Ok so pre-Mushroom War:

This remains largely unchanged- Simon finds the crown, loses Betty, etc.

Maybe due to Simon’s interest in ancient artifacts, he’s aware of vampire lore and has even found some ancient stakes with traces of an unknown species’ DNA on them on past expeditions

He’ll never have the chance to publish the results of his findings

After the War (aka post-apocalypse Simon and Marcy):

Simon finds Marcy and instantly knows he has to protect her, she learns about the crown’s influence, etc

They encounter the Vampire King and his court

VK is initially surprised to see a non-vampiric magic user, especially one as strong as Simon, until he realizes that it’s all from the crown (he witnesses Marcy plead with Simon to take off the crown bc he’s going too nuts)

VK also has an interest in Marceline, the little girl that keeps trying to suck out the Fool’s soul as he toys with her. She's clearly not human and that piques his interest

VK defeats Simon and takes the crown. He’s not interested in Simon himself but does think Marcy might one day become a powerful member of his court. But she’s fiercely loyal to Simon so VK strikes a bargain- Simon lives if Marcy comes with him. (Really, at this point he was willing to kill Simon and just take Marcy but VK saw the madness the crown inflicted and thinks Simon can advise him on how to resist it)

As part of the King’s court:

The Vampire King isn't interested in letting humans live in his hive unless they're soon to be butchered.

So Simon is bit and turned. He’s told to abandon his human name and accept the once given to him- Temperance, one of the three arcane virtues. It represents patience and moderation ordinarily, but represents discord and conflicting interests when inverted.

Marcy still calls him Simon in secret

Simon is stunned that the VK can resist the crown’s madness to a certain extent as he masters its control over snow and ice

The hardest part about being a vampire for him is no longer being able to enjoy sunlight, as on his expeditions and while taking care of Marcy, he fundamentally understood that daylight = visibility and safety and that night= danger

Marceline will be bitten when she turns 18. In the mean time, she’ll be tutored by Simon and treated like a princess by the minions.

Marceline gets her own room, all the food she can eat, a soft bed, etc. She wants for nothing not out of kindness, but bc the VK knows this is an easy way to win her over. Marcy isn't stupid, but she is just a kid. After the trauma surrounding being sent away by her mom, and believing she was unwanted, Marcy is terribly tempted to follow her less than human instincts in the face of a better life for herself

Simon worries for her and tries to keep her close to him. Which isn't easy, as the VK is cunning and ruthless

Marceline also begins training at a young age. She learns to hone her power of sucking souls and when its learned that she can gain the unique abilities of her victims, the VK brings in all sorts of prey for her- humans, wolves, birds of prey, snakes, etc. in the belief it will make her stronger.

The VK is only ever kind and patient to Marcy as she grows up, almost like Simon but with an unspoken air of absolute authority. Still, it convinces her that he's not all that bad despite the fact that he's wiping out all the humans. Since Simon isn't human anymore, Marcy doesn't really feel that protecting humans = protecting him.

But the problem is that Simon hates being a vampire. He hates the taste of blood despite his inability to consume human food. He begins looking for alternative solutions and find that vampires can merely consume the color red

He's ostracized by the court for his meek personality and his frequent pleads for them to stop killing humans. What little power he had with the court is threatened as the VK requires his aid less and less over time. The VK begins to consider manipulating the sky itself so his kind is safer in the day

When Marcy is 16-17, Simon ushers her into a secret chamber beneath the vampire hive. For years, he'd been slowly stockpiling supplies so they can escape. Things like weapons, sturdy clothes, food, etc. What's more, he'd managed to find and repair a car! They can escape together and get away before anyone even notices they're gone.

Marcy is stunned that Simon wants to go back to a life of constantly being on the run, hungry and afraid. Having no home or safe place to sleep in. And with his condition, he'd have to be extra careful of the sun. Simon says how much he hates being a vampire and that he doesn't want this for her, he did all this to save her!

But he never did ask if Marceline herself was opposed to becoming a vampire. However, her love for Simon still outweighs her loyalty to the VK. She agrees to run away.

One of the funniest parts of the Stakes miniseries is that the VK is confirmed to have telepathy but he only really used it to psychically give Peppermint Butler and autograph. So I'm going to use that- the VK has been reading Simon's mind for years without letting him know and has known for a long time that Simon's been trying to run away

Simon and Marcy don't get very far before 2 things happen: the VK himself goes after them, and they're stopped by a small army of survivors lead by a pink haired girl (idc if PB would still be a tiny wad of gum at this point in the OG Ooo timeline it's my AU)

The VK ignores the attempts to assassinate him as he takes Marcy back to the hive. Meanwhile, Simon is captured by the humans and left for dead.

Here's the fun part- Simon's unique vampire power is a remnant of the crown's influence on him. He can cover his body in dense ice that acts like armor. It can be chipped away or melted, but resists damage really well

after multiple failed attempts to kill him, Simon tries to strike a bargain with Bonnie. Let him go, and he'll help her kill the vampire king

meanwhile, Marcy is crying in her room bc she thinks Simon is dead and she blames herself bc she never should've gone with him (something that the VK tells her he agrees with)

but Simon manages to come back unharmed. The only way he'd be able to do that was if he killed the humans that captured him. The VK is begrudgingly impressed. He'll still have simon separated from marcy for a year as punishment, though.

Marcy hugs Simon and tells him that she's glad he's alright. And that it'll be okay. He spent so long protecting her, from now on she's going to protect him (after all, the last time she thought she'd ever see him, he was about to be killed by a human mob. That event cements Marcy's belief that following the VK is what's best for her and Simon)

It absolutely breaks Simon's heart

Marcy turns 18 and Simon cannot stop her from becoming The Star

(while Simon is in isolation/solitary confinement, the VK frequently taunts him over a telepathic link- telling him how hard Marceline is working to become strong. To become a killer. The VK finds that messing with Simon is so utterly delectable)

As Temperance and the Star:

Marceline and Simon go by their vampire names when they’re among others but still use their human names in private

The VK brings on the sunless sky that allows vampires even more freedom than before

he ignores Simon's pleas to return the world to its natural ways. After all this time, he finds Simon's ways not annoying, but oddly endearing. He is the contrary voice to the whole court, after all; and though he might not have much power, the bravery to speak out against the king is commendable to some extent

Marcy begins her unending feud/hate-crush on Bonnie, who Simon secretly aids

Simon is mostly left to himself since Marceline is her own person now.

He starts growing a small garden of red food, assembling a library, etc. But most importantly, he tries to save any human child he finds

The VK got Marceline as his ward, why can't Simon have his own? He promises the court that the child will be his full responsibility and the king, mostly out of amusement and curiosity, lets Simon adopt his precious human children

however, Marcy can't help but feel like Simon is doing the exact same thing her mom did- he's scared of her or doesn't love her anymore, so he's trying to go away. Except this time, he's replacing her in front of her very eyes with some tiny, fearful brat that can't appreciate just how kind and loving Simon is

over the next few centuries, every member of the king's court except for the Star dies off. In every instance, Marceline takes advantage of their death to suck up their essence. The VK admires her for this.

at the same time, no ward of Simon's has managed to survive to about 11-12. Sometimes it was a hungry vampire that killed them, most of the time it was Marceline sneaking behind his back to kill off her replacement, and sometimes it was mere disease that ended them. He lost poor Shoko to infection after Marceline took her arm in a jealous rage and that put off Simon from taking on another ward for a hundred years

HOWEVER, Marceline still really loves Simon and wants to be close with him again. She's... just not sure how anymore. Simon still smiles at her and tells her stories and lets her crash in his library when she wants to avoid boring meetings or whatnot, he cares for her yes- but he never seems proud of her for accomplishing great feats like killing 100 human rebels in one night or taking Bonnie's eye

Simon still holds out hope that there's good in Marcy and that she can be persuaded to help him and Bonnie kill the king/her other dad

And then Finn comes along.

(For anyone wondering, I haven't really touched upon how the VK ends up infatuated with Simon bc I'm still figuring that out. But also, I don't think it needs to be clearly defined, it'd be a lot more fun to just see Simon winding up in essentially an arranged marriage

HOWEVER I will say this- the vampire king once asked Simon for a special gift in an attempt for them to become closer. He asked Simon to give him a mortal name, as all he knows is a life as an undying king.

Simon obliged and after much thought, he chose the name Leonidas. They are the only two beings who know the king’s secret name and use it, it’s something not even Marceline knows.)

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #vampire au #the vampire king #finn the human #marceline the star #fionna and cake spoilers

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effloradox · 7 months

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I love Taylor swift and twilight! Ur blog is perfection 💜! Do you mind doing more jasper fan fics!

thank you so much, you're so sweet 🥺

Jasper doesn't like to talk about his past. Conversions about his history are reserved for late night whispers, when it's just the two of you in the safe haven of your room. It's not something you hold against him, you can't judge him for something he did over a hundred years ago in bad faith, but you know he feels resentment for the person he used to be. You know how much he struggles with controlling his thirst, and it’s still not the easiest thing for you to deal with.

The problem with introducing a human into a house full of vampires is that it had the potentially to go fatally wrong. Control is something that all your coven take very seriously, it's the only way you can continue to exist amongst humans after all. Everyone knows that it's you and Jasper that have the hardest time controlling yourselves around blood, it’s not exactly a secret. It never fails to astound you the sheer amount of control that Carlisle exhibits on a daily basis in his job. You're getting better with controlling your urges, and you haven't relapsed for a while but introducing a clumsy human into the house felt like a disaster waiting to happen.

In a way you blame Edward. Your emotions towards your adoptive brother are complicated even on a good day, but the idea of him bringing his human girlfriend into the house for her birthday felt like a terrible idea from the offset. Part of you had hoped Alice would have some dramatic vision that would mean you could call the whole thing off but all she'd seen was an admittedly nice vision of Bella blowing out the candles on her birthday cake surrounded by all of you.

It seemed Edward had forgotten how unbelievably accident prone his new girlfriend was though. An unforgivable oversight on his part, one you'll definitely be calling him out on later. You'd turned your back on the birthday girl for a second, just to look over to where Alice and Esme were putting the finishing touches on the cake when you'd smelt it. The acrid coppery smell of blood hit your nose instantly and every fibre of your being is drawn towards it like a forbidden siren call. Your sisters had moved to your side in an instant, only partially caging you against the kitchen counter you'd been leaning on. It's hard trying to centre yourself and not give into the urges, and it's only what's taking place on the other side of the kitchen that really brings you back to yourself.

Jasper is looking much worse for wear. His senses have honed in on Bella and all of you can tell he's only seconds away from pouncing. Emmett and Edward have their arms around him in an instant, stopping him from beelining towards the injured human but it's clear he's putting up enough of a fight that they'll struggle to restrain him for a long time. You're in front of him in the time it takes Bella to blink, your hands cupping his face gently to keep his eyes on you. Edward had pushed her towards the wall as soon as he'd heard Jasper's thoughts so she's not as close as she was, meaning she only hears fragments of what you're saying to him.

"Hey, hey, Jas it's okay. It's okay. It's just a little blood. Look at me, it's okay yeah?" Your words seem to be having some effect but Bella notes that Emmett and Edward still haven't let Jasper out of their grip. Carlisle appears by her side and she's vaguely aware that he's speaking to her but her eyes are still trained on you and Jasper. Your words seem to be having some kind of effect on him and it sends a small pang through her chest that you have the ability to calm Jasper down even in the face of the strongest temptation when Edward sometime can’t even look at her as a result of his urges.

Her eyes are still trained on the two of you as Esme leads her out of the room to go and find the first aid kit. The last thing she sees is Edward and Emmett letting Jasper go as he collapses in your arms almost bonelessly. His arms wrap around your waist as his head rests on your shoulder, giving you ample chance to press a chaste kiss to the crown of his head.

#my writing #drabbles #jasper cullen x reader #jasper hale x reader #requested #twilight x reader

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depravitycentral · 11 months

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Yandere! Toshinori Yagi General Profile

Yandere! Toshinori Yagi x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, manipulation, mentions of assault (not by Toshinori), very, very slight infantilization, Toshinori has a thing for your pubic hair, this actually came out quite sad because Toshinori has some confidence issues, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

DARLING PROFILE:

Caring

All of Toshinori’s life, he’s been the one wanting to save others, putting his life on the line just constantly in order to save a life. He’s used to quite literally being the hero, the one caring for and making sure others around him are safe, healthy, out of harm’s way.

And while he chose to be a hero, chose to live that life, there’s a certain amount of charm that the idea of a partner who wants to care for him has.

He doesn’t need to be coddled or treated like a toddler, but he can’t deny the way his heart melts when his darling asks him how he’s feeling, when they press their hand again his forehead to check if he’s running a temperature, when he sees them fret over making him dinner or preparing a bath for him.

It’s undeniably cute, and Toshinori lives for the domesticity of it - having someone looking out for him is such a new concept, something that makes his entire chest tight as a blush stains his cheeks, and he honestly feels his love only deepen when his darling showcases this side of their personality.

He loves it, and although he can’t protect his beloved as much as he used to be able to, he’ll still do everything in his power to return the sentiment.

Open Minded

While being a pro hero isn’t the most unconventional profession, it’s still something that a lot of civilians see as other, something completely different from themselves.

Heroes are similar to gods in society, and while Toshinori has most definitely lived up to the meaning of the name, he can’t deny the wish to be treated as someone completely normal, to just be seen as himself, the human who still struggles with getting his washing machine to thoroughly distribute the soap.

Having a darling who is able to understand that Toshinori isn’t just some buff, strong and constantly smiling mass of a man would be extremely attractive to him - he wants his darling to love him for who he is off the battlefield as well.

He wants his darling to be someone he can use as a refuge, to tie him back to civilian life, to understand the real Toshinori Yagi.

A darling who is more open minded about hero culture and realistic about who heroes are is something that he absolutely needs - he doesn’t want someone who only likes him because of his persona in battles.

Just as he loves his darling for every part of who they are, he’d love to be given the same treatment.

Passionate

Even from a young age Toshinori knew what he wanted to be. He’s understood that his calling is for heroism, that saving people will be his future, and he’s worked hard to live his dream, to become who he’s always wanted to be.

As a result, he tends to gravitate towards those who have a similar love in their life - of course, he doesn’t expect everyone to know what they want to be, what they want to get out of life, and who they want to be, but a darling that has a hobby or two that they really truly love is something that Toshinori adores.

The hobby itself doesn’t matter - it could be cooking, playing an instrument, a sport, even studying some outlandish subject that only a few people know of; it doesn’t matter because his darling loves it, and therefore he loves it as well.

Once he realizes that his beloved has something they truly care about, Toshinori will go out of his way to learn about said hobby, to hone skills and try to understand what exactly about it that draws in his partner, that catches their attention so wholly and completely.

And really, as he watches his beloved devote their precious time to it, he can only dream of the day when they’re devoted that much effort and attention to him, just as he does.

Because really, his darling may have a hobby as a passion, Toshinori has something much different - his beloved.

Friendly

Despite his larger than life persona within the public eye, Toshinori himself is actually quite shy. Of course, he still talks to others, regularly puts himself into social situations, but he doesn’t feel especially confident in his abilities to charm others, to talk to people he doesn’t know especially well.

And while he’s had time to master those skills, a darling who is naturally more friendly and willing to start conversations with others is incredibly inspiring to him.

Toshinori genuinely believes that his darling is someone who he should admire, should be inspired by, should strive to be more like, and their ability to simply strike up a conversation is endlessly amazing to him.

Not only does he admire this about his darling, but there is also a certain relief that comes with this trait - while he isn’t a bad conversationalist per se, it’s a massive weight off of his shoulders to know that the brunt of the work won’t fall onto him, that he won’t have to carry the conversation or keep it running. He likes knowing that his darling wants to talk to him, that they want to spend time with him and get to know him.

It makes his heart melt and his throat feel dry, but with every question that slips from his darling’s lips that he’d give anything to feel against his own, he only falls deeper and deeper in love.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Clingy

Toshinori has always found his identity through his status as a hero, as a protector of the people and symbol of peace. And now that he’s essentially ended all his relevance as a hero, he’s lost - what is his purpose?

He’s just a regular man now, unable to help those who need it, unable to do really anything with that frail body he’s left with. He’s angry, really, and finds himself lost in the sense of knowing who he is - but you, sweet little you, give him purpose.

Being around you makes him feel important, like he has a purpose, like there’s a reason for him to still be living and breathing even if he can’t be a hero anymore.

Toshinori craves you, the way that you fill a strange void in his heart he wasn’t even aware existed through all the years of stress and being a hero, and he’s found that being around you and seeing you is the only way to help quell some of the intensity burning in his chest, the overwhelming urge to be with you becoming too much to bear much too often.

However, despite the intensity and depth of his feelings for you, approaching you is an entirely different story. In general, Toshinori doesn’t have a whole lot of romantic experience to fall back on when it comes to approaching you. He is, in a sense, as awkward as a love struck teenage boy – he has no idea how to flirt, how to woo you and make you flustered and embarrassed and smiling up at him, looking up through those lashes with those eyes he could spend hours gazing into.

In all honesty, he has a tendency to freeze up when he’s talking to you, spouting nonsense with a stutter and shoving the words out of his mouth before he can really think of what he’s saying, leading him to realize mid-way through that what was originally supposed to be a smooth, sweet compliment of you look very beautiful today, the strong color of your shirt really brings out your eyes has turned into a stuttered mess of your eyes are so strong, do you wear them like your shirt?

It is, in a sense, absolutely mortifying for Toshinori to be around you, because without fail he ends up looking like a fool, and yet he can’t bring himself to pull away from you no matter how hard he tries. Toshinori quickly realizes that having your attention and smile directed at him are all he really needs, that he’s completely content with simply being by your side, spending time with you and showering you in every ounce of his love possible, even if it comes out a bit differently than he’s originally intended it to.

And so, as time passes he slowly begins inserting himself into more of your plans, wanting to meet up and hang out, chat, have coffee or see a movie, go out for dinner or even spend a night at his place, because he wants you to see him as someone you can be comfortable around, that you’re willing to let into your life.

And yet, as desperate as he is to have you in his grasp, to be with you every moment of the day, he knows it’s not possible – yet, but he needs to be patient. He knows you aren’t ready to let him hold and kiss you, to wake up in his bed in his arms every morning, to wear that pretty golden ring on your finger, to let him grasp onto you and moan in your ear while he fucks you gently, slowly, purposefully.

He comes up with other ways to help try to fill the lonely hole in his heart; collections of candid photos of you, taken from outside the various windows of your home, each and every photograph making his heart warm, a soft smile playing on his lips as he traces the outline of your face, your body, imagining being there with you while you cook, clean or just lay around on the couch.

He has a few small Ziploc bags full of your hair, taken from the walls of your shower or your hairbrush, which he’ll often idly hold in his pocket and mess with when he’s feeling lonely, but by far his favorite way of pretending you’re by his side is through the many, many recordings of your voice he’s collected.

He loves to hear you speaking – your voice sends pleasurable little shivers down his spine, making his entire body relax as he places the headphones over his ears, your lovely words lulling him into a sense of tranquility.

He’d felt a bit guilty at first, wondering if recording you without your knowledge was a violation of your privacy, but after the first time, he gives up on my conscience and decides that it’s okay because it’s him, the former hero, and he’d never do anything with ill intent towards you.

And so, after that first very choppy recording taken from the pocket of his jeans while he talked to you, he shyly asks Izuku to teach him how to edit videos and audios, and his pupil, ever eager to help out, shows him all kinds of fancy settings and graphics on Toshinori’s laptop, even if it takes the older man a good while to get the hang of it.

His favorite recordings are the ones of you saying his name, or complimenting him. Because you know him as Toshinori rather than All Might, the way your voice whispers to him that he’s so cool, your dad jokes are top notch Toshi, never fails to make him blush and clutch the clump of your hair tighter to his chest, cuddling with his pillow and feeling himself become even more desperate for your touch, to be with you and get to love you.

When he can’t sleep, he’s listening to your voice talk about your day, how you saw the cutest puppy on the way to work, making Toshinori’s eyes flutter shut and dream of the both of you with your own puppy running around your future home. He wants your attention all the time, and while he’s too awkward and nervous around you to really ask for it, he’ll latch onto any ounce you give him, greedily begging for more and more until you find yourself giving absolutely everything to him.

But don’t worry – after all, Toshinori will absolutely return the favor; you get his everything, too.

Protective

Years of seeing the horrible atrocities that humankind are capable of has molded Toshinori into a sort of paranoid mess when it comes to the safety of those close to him.

He loves you, so much so that it hurts, and the idea of you having to come face to face with any of the horrible, disgusting people he’s fought over the years is enough to have him blindly reaching for you, clutching you tightly with your face buried into his chest and his arms wrapped around you, hoping that another layer of physical protection will be enough to keep you safe.

He’s answered too many calls that ended with death, pain, injury, disaster that he can’t not imagine what might happen to you, the paranoia slowly beginning to eat him alive as the months roll by, fear pushing him into crossing boundaries he never would have all in the name of your safety.

With the retirement of his hero career, Toshinori honestly feels a bit useless – he’s no longer able to be in his muscle form, only the lanky, skinny man he’s always disliked, and while you’ve never make any sort of comment about him being less-than when he’s in his natural state, it doesn’t stop him from being hyper aware that he isn’t nearly as powerful now, that if push came to shove, he likely wouldn’t be able to stop any villain from hurting you.

The idea is fucking terrifying – capable of sending him into a panic attack, his palms growing sweaty and tears forming in his eyes as his mind floods with images of you bloody and broken, crying and screaming, dying in his arms.

And so, Toshinori does the only thing he can; buying everything he can to make sure that you’re safe, healthy, and that you’ll never have so much as a paper cut. He’s investing in the latest, cutting-edge security cameras and systems, rigging the entire house with booby traps for any outsiders. (And traps that, inadvertently, keep you inside.) Floodlights that are hyper sensitive line the property, along with at least ten different styles of locks on each door (yes, even some of the ones between rooms on the inside of the house have them as well, if only because there’s really just no reason for you to venture into the basement, or for you to venture into the second bathroom where he keeps all the shaving razors and medications and things that could hurt you).

There are passcodes at every step of the way, and all of the windows are made of bullet proof glass. He has a lot of money left laying around from being the number one for so many years, and Toshinori has absolutely no problem spending it this way, spending it on keeping you safe and sound.

He doesn’t mean to, but quickly you’ll begin to feel like you’re incompetent once you’re under his rule; you can’t have anything smaller than a walnut, out of fear that you’ll choke. You aren’t allowed to shower alone, because he’s scared that you’ll somehow hurt yourself or slip and fall on the tile.

(He’ll never force you to let him actually into the shower with you, but he’ll always be standing in the doorway or sitting on the closed toilet seat, twiddling his thumbs and talking softly to you, so quietly you can barely hear him over the sound of rushing water.)

You aren’t allowed to sleep unless he’s knocked on your door and heard you respond, his voice calling through the wood and wishing you pleasant dreams (oftentimes he’ll stare longingly at the painted white wood, pressing a soft kiss against it and whispering something about you being so beautiful, I’m so lucky aren’t I that makes you frown and sink into your blankets on the other side, guilt slowly eating away at you).

It comes from a good place, honestly – he wants to spoil you and make you happy beyond belief, and he genuinely believes that by showing you how much he cares and investing in your safety to such an intense degree, that he’s showcasing his dedication to you, his devotion to making sure that you’re his sweet little girlfriend (he wishes wife someday, though he won’t push you)l, his lovely partner that he’d do absolutely anything for.

And really, while the knee pads and helmet he makes you wear when you’ve been particularly clumsy are demeaning and something you hate at first, slowly you’ll come to be okay with it, to maybe even enjoy it; after all, no matter how loving – or lack thereof – your friends and family were, they’re nothing compared to Toshinori, when compared to how he pampers you, how he treats you like a queen.

He buys you anything and everything you want, all with that blush sporting his cheeks while he shyly hugs you from behind, and isn’t it the least you could do to just let him take care of you?

Would it really be so wrong to just give in?

Lucid

Again, despite his lackluster romantic life, Toshinori is aware that there’s something amiss about his feelings for you. He knows something is wrong with the way he grows to slowly depend on you, how his every thought begins revolving around you, how he only starts to feel good and happy when you’re near him.

It’s wrong, and at first he does genuinely try to fight it - it’s not fair to you or him to develop such overbearing, scary feelings. It’s wrong and, dare he say it, even a bit villainous - except, he’s not doing anything that bad, right?

He’s not planning on hurting you (the thought makes him physically ill), or kidnapping you (he does, eventually, but only because he’s pushed into a corner and he has no choice - he hopes you’ll understand, one day), or anything else he’s had to read case files of for so many years.

He’s not a monster - you’ll never be touched without your consent, or treated as subhuman, or neglected. And so, while he is initially ashamed of the way he feels for you, eventually he grows less embarrassed and disgusted with himself, eventually even managing to convince himself that he’s just doing what’s best for you.

He’s accepted the fact that his love for you isn’t going away, and as such you’re essentially just a big, red, walking target for any of his enemies to exploit, and isn’t it better for him to embrace every instinct he has to protect you?

Isn’t it better for him to allow the obsessive, disturbing feelings to bloom and grow?

He still feels a bit guilty about it, but slowly habits begin slipping through the cracks; occasionally driving by your house or apartment, blue eyes appraising the property to make sure everything is normal - your windows are closed, blinds drawn, front door shut, good.

Then, once that isn’t enough, he’s trailing you on his days off, acting as your shadow just to make sure you get from one place to another safely, without any danger befalling you.

He’s careful to stay out of your sight, making sure you never spot him, so that you never get the idea that he’s stalking you, so that you don’t grow scared of him.

Once that isn’t enough, he’s actually entering your home, making sure to leave no trace of his presence, making sure he doesn’t touch anything or leave it askew for you to notice.

He doesn’t want you to be paranoid or suspect that someone’s been in your home, and he only ever enters when you’re not home - he absolutely cannot have you catching him in the act, accusing him of all kinds of perverted, disgusting things (which aren’t that far from the truth, but he still doesn’t think he could take hearing it from you).

He’s slowly indulging himself, allowing himself a bit more leeway, slowly loosening up the leash he’d kept himself tightly on. It’s hard, at first, to allow himself to take just a bit more, to give into his less savory side, but as time passes he grows less and less worried, more and more desperate to fulfill his role as your protector, and hopefully someday your lover.

He likes to think of himself as having a decent amount of self control, but where you’re concerned, he’s utterly lost - he’s a slave to his own desires, and while he tries to control it and tame it, eventually it gets the better of him. But, fortunately for him, you don’t know until it’s much, much too late.

To you, he’s just Toshinori, the awkward, sweet man you’ve come to know as a friend, as someone who always leaves you thoughtful gifts and insists on letting him pay for your meals, for your favorite flowers, even for jewelry you’ve been keeping an eye on. You’re not quite sure whether he’s just bad at making friends, or if he’s interested in you (the nervous eye contact and shying away from your touch makes you think he’s just a friend, and while the thought disappoints you, you’ve accepted it), but regardless, you’re happy that he’s in your life.

(Really, the only reason he shies away from your touch is because any unwanted touching is the one hard and fast line he will draw - he absolutely will not touch you without your consent, and even if you were to reach out and grab his hand, he still automatically jerks away, if only because he’s scared that once he touches you, he’ll never stop.)

He hides his true intentions very well, but eventually that facade will shatter - when danger comes knocking, or something happens that forces Toshinori to abduct you in order to protect you. Only then will you realize the depth of his feelings for you, the raw desperation he holds for you.

It’s scary and overwhelming and you’ll hate him for as long as you can manage, but eventually Toshinori will win you over, if only because he knows what he’s done is wrong. He knows, and the apologies that tumble from his lips while a few tears roll down his cheeks will make it hard to stay truly mad at him, and eventually you’ll crumble, too.

Eventually, Toshinori will get what he’s always wanted - you, by his side, safe and sound and in love with him. Even if he is a monster.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Because Toshinori’s romantic feelings for you form in full once he’s retired from hero work, jealousy is something that he deals with very, very frequently.

He’s painfully aware that in his normal form, there’s nothing that he deems especially attractive or unique about himself – he’s lanky, tall, angular, someone that he knows wouldn’t get a passing glance on the street. He knows that he’s not especially charming with women, that he isn’t some romance god, someone that makes relationships and dating and love look like a piece of cake, that he’s just bad at being the dreamy suitor.

He knows he’s not a young prince charming, that his age and looks and the trauma he’s suffered from so many years of pressure and violence make him damaged goods. And because of his hyper-awareness about his physical and mental ‘shortcomings’, Toshinori is constantly plagued by thoughts about you finding someone else, someone better, cooler, more handsome, more secure, not a disgraced hero, as he can’t help but see himself.

He’s already prone to poor self confidence, but once you’re thrown into the mix? You, who is so pretty, smart, kind, wonderful, amazing, a dream come true, so out of his league…

His insecurities and worries about not being good enough for you only amplify, made that much stronger as he loses more and more of his One for All abilities.

And so, the minute that he sees you show even remote interest in another man, he’s immediately deciding that maybe you’d be better off with this person, that you could thrive and do so much better with them – they won’t hold you back like he would, they wouldn’t force you to settle so heavily like he would. It’s an unhealthy mindset and Toshinori knows this, but he just can’t help himself.

He’s so in love with you, so sure that you’re something perfect and something that he doesn’t deserve in the slightest, and yet you’re something that he wants so fucking bad.

It’s a constant mental battle between letting you find someone better for you, or giving into the selfish desires constantly eating away at him, and in all honesty it’s agonizing, the realization that he’s never wanted something as desperately as he’s wanted you. You’re like his last life line; his hero career is over, having been ripped away from him, and yet you’re still here, someone who likes Toshirnori for Toshinori, not because he’s All Might.

Which is why, as he internally flounders, he ultimately decides to not interfere – you’re your own person, a person he loves with every fiber of his being, but a person nonetheless. And besides, how heroic could he really be if he was limiting your romantic potential and your happiness by not letting you find someone better? How can he pretend to even entertain the notion of him being more than just a creepy, desperate freak if he doesn’t let you live your own life, even if watching tears him to pieces?

And so, as he spots you talking to the man with brown hair and eyes, an easy smile on his face as he looks at you, Toshinori’s heart is immediately breaking.

You’re so pretty; hair rustling in the breeze of the afternoon air, your eyes sparkling as you laugh at the man’s joke, the bags of groceries in your arms looking so domestic and cute and oversized for you.

You’re perfection, utterly and purely, and as the man continues to speak with you, Toshinori’s confidence fades by the second, pushing what little there was to begin with to essentially nothing. He’s nervously tapping his fingers against his leg, gnawing at his lip and mentally listing all the things about this stranger that are better than him - he’s more muscular, his hair is more tamed and styled, his voice isn’t as raspy.

Toshinori frowns, biting his lip as he watches the interaction. It’s not long, a few more remarks passed between the two of you that get both of you laughing, but every second feels like agony to him. It’s not until you walk away from the man with a smile on your face that he exhales sharply, realizing he hadn’t even been breathing.

His fist is balled up so tightly that crescent shapes sit on his palms, the pressure of his nails against his skin nearly drawing blood. He’s quick to follow you home, slinking behind you, his mind whirring with possibilities.

Were you interested in that man? Toshinori doesn’t make you laugh as much as that man had, maybe you found funny men more attractive.

Had you gotten the man’s number, or had you given yours? Just the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth, worry eating away at him.

He’ll do some research later into the man’s identity, checking his criminal record and seeing if anything sinister appears in his files. When you reach your apartment, Toshinori reluctantly peels away, watching with longing in his eyes as you step into the building, heavy grocery bags juggling in your arms as you open the door.

That night, he sits in front of his computer, the blue light washing over his face as he pours through hero databases, running the man’s description through and finding him, scouring through every single government document just to make sure there’s nothing incriminating in them. (He can’t tell if he’s disappointed or relieved when nothing raises a red flag - the man seems like an upstanding citizen.)

The thought sticks in his head, replaying the memory of you laughing so freely up until a few days later, when your weekly coffee date with Toshinori rolls around.

He’s noticeably quiet, just kind of looking at you and absentmindedly nodding along or giving one word answers, until you eventually confront him. He winces and tells you it’s nothing to worry about, only that he’d seen reports of rates of assault going up lately. It’s not technically a lie, just a very exaggerated version of the truth.

But it does the trick - you stiffen up, worry evident on your expression as you tell him you’d met a man the other day that was very friendly - too friendly, you admit, and something in Toshinori perks up. The disdain in your voice gets him feeling dangerously hopeful, and as you sigh and slump slightly in your chair, telling him that you think you might want to hold off on meeting anyone until this area of the city gets a bit safer, he can’t help but bounce his leg slightly in anticipation.

Thank god, you obviously weren’t considering seeing this stranger again - his chest feels light, airy, as if a sudden weight were lifted off his heart. He feels bad, truly, as he watches you switch topics to talk about your job, but he can’t help it - he’d been obsessing over whether you were seriously considering the man as a potential partner, something that made his gut churn and his head feel dizzy.

He’s happy that you’ll remain single for the time being; you may not be interested in Toshinori, but at least you’re not interested in anyone else.

That’s all he can ask for, really. It would be selfish to wish for anything more - no matter how desperately he does.

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

He really, really doesn’t want to resort to kidnapping you. He’s already on the cuff about everything else he’s doing to you, and to steal you away without your consent would present a line he desperately doesn’t want to cross.

Besides, you would hate him - you’d think he was a monster, a horrible, disgusting pervert, a villain. Kidnapping you would label him as the very thing he’s dedicated his life to eradicating, and although he loves you dearly, overwhelmingly, pathetically, the crushing guilt and weight of how you would see him would be too much.

And so, Toshinori holds out on relocating you for as long as he possibly can, and god is it difficult. Every morning that he wakes up with an aching back, chest pain centered around his scar, or even just fatigue, he wonders if he’d be able to protect you today.

He’ll stand in front of the mirror with a towel around his face, hair wet from the shower he just finished, eyes appraising his form.

He’s not as strong as he used to be; two fingers come up to poke at the muscles of his biceps, and a frown sits on his lips.

If someone were to attack you, could he stop them? If you were taken by a villain, could he really save you?

He grimaces but sighs, knowing the answer is no, but still thoroughly unwilling to take action and keep you in the nice little room he’s got prepared just in case. He holds himself off, always rationalizing it to himself that yes, you could fall victim to some heinous crime, but if he were to kidnap you, he’d be that heinous crime.

And this logic works for quite some time - enough time to let his paranoia grow, the fear and anticipation in his chest slowly reaching up into his throat and strangling him, making it hard to eat or sleep or even breath.

He’s watching news reports on recent villains attacks with shaking fingers and his lip between his teeth, worry eating away at every inch of his body until one day he finally snaps - it’s a minor accident, really, one that could’ve happened to anybody.

Someone was mugged, and you’d been in the area, running some errands. They’d stolen the woman’s purse, and as they were running away, they’d looked over their gilder and managed to run right into you. You both fell to the ground, and Toshinori - from his spot twenty feet behind you, trailing you in what he hoped was an inconspicuous manner - watched as the thief barked out an apology and pushed against you to push himself forward, continuing his mad scramble away from the woman now chasing him.

You’d stumbled down again, landing with a slightly pained noise, and something in that moment had Toshinori gasping, a hand clutched to his chest.

You were hurt.

Nothing serious, just a scrape or two on your knee and adrenaline in your veins, but still. He’d let you get hurt, while he was standing by, not doing a single fucking thing to stop it.

And so, as he rushed forward to help you up, gently smiling at you while you asked what had just happened, he decides he’s waited long enough. You may think of him as the villain, deciding he’s a poor excuse of a man and an even worse hero, but he just can’t see you hurt again.

He can’t fail you.

In general, two sides of Toshinori war once he’s got you under his rule. He’s clingy, yes, his dependence on you only growing tenfold once he’s got you under his care. He wants to be with you always, constantly, to not let a moment go by where you aren’t at least within his sight.

And yet, Toshinori tries to give you space once he’s stolen you away. He knows what he’s done is wrong, and while he desperately hopes it isn’t the case, he would understand if you hate him for the rest of your life. He tries to stay away from you, only invading your personal space when absolutely necessary, and leaving you to your own devices in your own separate bedroom within the confines of his modest home.

However, in his heart, he wants nothing more than absolute domestic bliss with you. Because of his tumultuous childhood once receiving One for All, he never really got to experience anything resembling first love or even romance in general, and he’s always harbored this desire to have own partner, a woman to come home to and cuddle and fall asleep next to. It’s a thought that’s always been in the back of his mind, drifting into his thoughts often throughout his career but always getting pushed back down - though never forgotten.

And so, while he doesn’t force you into anything you don’t want to do (aside from staying inside his home), Toshinori secretly yearns for the point in time where he can wrap his arms around you, when he can feel your soft lips press a welcome home kiss against his cheek at the front doorway.

He’s anxiously dreaming of the day when you’ll gently grab his hand and lead him to bed (the bed you now share, you having decided it was high time to get rid of the lonely, cold mattress you’d been sleeping on and join him), snuggling up into his side and letting his palm press into your stomach and pull you back closer to him.

He wants you to help him cook, playing soft crooning love songs in the background while you stir and he chops, occasionally glancing at each other and smiling.

He just wants your love, so very much, but he understands that he has to be patient and let you grow to love him first.

And it’s painful, staying away from you, but he does it - though he’s always hovering near your door (you always keep it closed, not wanting him to come into the only room you can partially call your own), eyes darting to the stagnant wood every few minutes. He’s keeping his ears open to hear for any sounds, always ready to rush in and aid you if necessary, aching to be seen as a hero in your eyes.

He takes good care of you, all things considered - there’s a steaming tray of your favorite breakfast foods waiting outside your door after he hears you rustling about in the mornings, a rapt knock on the wood and a soft good morning darling, your food is ready accompanying it. He’ll let you eat in your room, not forcing you to join him at the dining table, content to see your head quickly appear in the crack between the door and the frame, hands grabbing the tray while you glance at him and then away.

Honestly, that interaction (and the same routine with dinner) is probably all he’ll see of you the whole day - you spend all your time in your room, and while it’s not ideal for Toshinori, it’s better than you ignoring him while you’re in his presence, fighting him or yelling hurtful things at him.

He’s making sure the bathroom adjoining your room is stocked full of the nicest smelling shampoos and soaps (all your favorite scents - coincidentally, now his favorite scents, too) and all the items necessary for your skin and hair care.

(He doesn’t keep anything sharp in there, however; he trusts you, but not enough to know you won’t try something with a razor, or that you won’t just trim your nails with the nail clippers. Besides, he’ll never, ever tell you, but he sort of likes your body hair - in his fantasies, the first time you two get intimate, you’d ideally not have shaved in quite some time, the tufts of hair making that wonderful mound between your legs look so womanly and inviting and primal.)

He won’t force affection onto you, but eventually you will come around, whether you want to or not.

You will become lonely, fighting the urge to venture past your room and interact even just a bit with your captor. After all, in order to even catch Toshinori’s attention in the first place you had to have been friends - and fairly close ones, at that.

Somewhere in your heart you know he’s a good man, and even though he’d managed to hide his hero persona from you for an impressively long time, you’d trusted him with your life - so what’s changed? Yes, he’s shown yet another side of him that you hadn’t expected, but was he really so bad? After all, he knows much better than you all the danger in the world - maybe he really is doing you a favor by keeping you locked up, safe and sound from the scum that rot society.

Maybe he really does love you - which is why, one morning, you emerge from your room, tapping him on the shoulder and asking if he’d like any coffee, because you’re making some for yourself and you remember how much he loves vanilla lattes…Toshinori can only gape at you, his jaw physically dropped, before quickly composing himself, eyes darting around your face as if he were committing the details to memory, a slow nod of his head and a stuttered y-yes, thank you making you pad off to the coffee pot by the sink.

Eventually, you will cave, and although he still treats you with too much care and protectiveness, you’ll probably end up happy with him - after all, he’d do anything to see you smile, even if it meant destroying himself.

PUNISHMENTS:

Punishing you is absolutely out of the question. There is no possible situation that could push Toshinori to discipline you, much less hurt you - god no, just the thought has him feeling sick enough to vomit, the pit in his stomach only sinking deeper and deeper as flashes of you bloody, crying and bruised swim through his mind.

You’ll never be running the risk of getting in trouble with him, and frankly it’s incredibly difficult to even get him mad at you. He seems to have unlimited patience when it comes to you; you could attempt to escape every day for months and he’d only tiredly sigh, gently grabbing your waist and pulling you back from the front door, telling you to stop clawing at the door, look at how your nails are bleeding.

You could yell at him every time you see him, calling him horrible names and demeaning him and he’d only softly frown, nodding his head and telling you that you’re right, I am a monster, but your food will get cold if you don’t eat soon. You could punch him, kick him, slap him and he’d only dodge out of your way, knowing that although he may be slower and weaker in this form, he’s still got fighting instincts, and he will outlast you, so he’ll just let you keep going until you get your fill.

Honestly, you’ll be the one getting mad when you act out; he just doesn’t ever seem to be affected by anything you do, never lashing out at you or hurting you or doing really anything. He just takes everything, his face carefully neutral or definitively sad, making you uncomfortable to look at him. It’s infuriating, if only because you want to get a rise out of him, to establish him as a monster, a freak, a creep for all the things he’s done to you.

You want him to be worse than he is for having stalked you, kidnapped you, photographed you without your knowledge, for spending months dreaming of you and wringing himself dry to the thought of you. It’ll fuck with your head that he’s not locked you in some dingy basement, that he isn’t touching you or hurting you or anything even remotely as sinister.

It’ll anger you that he’s being kind, caring, taking better care of you than you yourself ever did - he’s being good, and while it doesn’t erase the fact that he did all those things to you before stealing you away, the image you’ve created of him being an unhinged bastard will slowly crack. The cracks will be small, growing in number until the entire image shatters, breaking apart and showing you that Toshinori really just wants you.

The cracks are little favors he does for you here and there that you never asked for; buying your favorite snacks and leaving them outside your door, even though you’re sure you didn’t ask for them nor tell him your favorites. It’s scary that he knows your favorite chip and ice cream flavors, but it’s a small comfort to have them, nonetheless.

He’s doing all your laundry, cycling through clean clothing that’s soft and smells like lemons and rosemary and leaving them folded neatly outside your door, all so that you don’t spend your time in the same stinking set of clothing.

(It’s a bit scary that he knows your size for everything from sock to shirts to panties, but you’re grateful enough for clean clothing that you can’t complain.) He’s treating you well, and you hate it - why can’t he be the freak you’ve convinced yourself he is? It’s wrong, and you wish it weren’t the case, but it’s who Toshinori is, and the longer you’re with him the more you’ll realize that.

Yes, he’s a monster, but only for you.

Toshinori is awoken by low, thudding sounds, uneven and coming from outside his bedroom. Immediately he’s sitting up in bed, wild eyes glancing all around to locate the source of the sound, and soon he’s scrambling up, the sheets nearly getting tangled in his haste to exit.

He’s not wearing a shirt, only a pair of navy blue boxers sitting low on his hips as he yanks open the door and rushes through his home, following the noise with a sinking feeling in his heart. Where are you?

Soon he’s answering that question, seeing you by the windows in the living room, nightclothes hanging haphazardly on your frame as you ram your side into the glass again, hissing under your breath at the sting. No cracks have formed, and your eyes are all red and teary, as if you’re about to cry in frustration.

Toshinori gulps, rushing forward until he’s about two feet away from you. His hands are outstretched as if to grab you, but his fingers twitch as he stops himself, fighting the instinct because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. His chest is burning, because it’s obvious what you’re trying to do.

You’re trying to escape, hoping to break the window and jump out - nevermind that it’s a three story drop, his condo not ground floor, and you’d most definitely break something on the way down. It’s also obvious that you aren’t going to be successful; who knows how long you’ve been going at this, and not a single blemish taints the glass. You’ll end up hurting yourself before you hurt the glass.

You’ve frozen now that he’s here, and you slowly back away from him, your chest rising and falling so quickly that it makes him nervous, eyes darting between his wildly. Darling, please, stop.

He begs, his voice strained, and you only shake your head. No, no I have - I have to, I have to leave, please Toshinori!

He can’t help the shiver that rolls through him at the sound of his name on your tongue, but you only back up further, until you run into the wall, looking at him like he’s crazy. You’ll hurt yourself, he tells you, taking a deep breath. Look at your elbow, there’s bruises. Please, darling, it’s not working, please.

He’s pleading with you, but you won’t listen - you want to, the dull throbbing in your elbow is begging you to, but you can’t. You can’t, not if you want to hold onto the last scraps of your sanity, the part of you that’s urging you to fight this whole situation refusing to be silenced. And so you shake your head again, sliding down the wall until you’re sitting on the floor, hands clutching at your arms.

No, please, I need to leave. You’re whispering, and Toshinori has to strain his ears just to hear you.

He comes closer, cautiously, crouching down in front of you to be eye level and not intimidate you. Please darling, it’s safe here. It’s not, out there. I know you’re not happy here, and I wish that weren’t the case, but you have to stay. I know you hate it, I know you hate me, but please, let me keep you safe.

You’re shaking your head again, mind spinning, totally unsure of how you’re feeling. No, you mumble, your lips moving before you can think. I don’t hate you.

Both your eyes and his go wide at your words, and one of your hands comes up to smack over your mouth, complete shock making your legs tremble. You weren’t sure why you said that, but Toshinori could only stare at you, lips parted and his fingers twitching.

I - I don’t, you start, unsure of what you’re about to say. You don’t know how you feel, where this is coming from, or why it feels like the truth, like you really don’t hate him. You should, you know you should, and yet you can’t find it in yourself to conjure up any hate, no harmful words popping into your mind.

Toshinori swallows, hard, and slowly shuffles forward, placing his palm on your arm. You jerk, and for a moment he considers pulling his hand away, but then you’re covering his hand with your own, still not meeting his gaze.

Why don’t I hate you? It’s all you can whisper out, tears forming in your eyes, but Toshinori slowly moves forward, wrapping his arms around you, nearly sobbing from happiness as you hesitantly return the hug.

He stays with you for a long time, letting you cry into his shoulder, letting your grip grow tighter and tighter around him, until he’s eventually helping you up, leading you to the kitchen and fixing you a warm bowl of noodles, not saying anything or pushing you to speak either. He can’t, not when he’s practically brimming with excitement - you’ve never let him hug you like that before, and he can’t stop replaying the way you felt in his arms, how soft and warm you were, even if you were crying.

He won’t push you to explain anything to him, but as you slowly open up to him the next few days, not flinching away from his touch or ignoring his words, he can only sigh and bite his lip, ecstatic that he’s finally, finally making progress with you.

Maybe all those domestic dreams are closer than he thought - maybe you’d let him hold your hand now, or let him tuck your hair behind your ear, or let him press a soft, chaste kiss against your cheek.

Maybe you even love him now.

OVERALL DANGER:

4/10

Honestly, the only way that Toshinori presents any danger to you is by kidnapping you. Otherwise, he’s less than harmful - sure, he’s obsessed with you, hopelessly devoted to seeing you smile and making you happy, but is that really such a crime?

Is it evil to want to spend time with you, to crave your presence, to live for the small, fleeting touches you give his shoulders or hands?

Toshinori feels immense guilt for his feelings towards you, viewing himself as a monster, a freak, a poor excuse for a man for being so hyper fixated on you and crossing all sorts of boundaries that are there for a reason, but he can only deny himself for so long.

He’s a hero, but not perfect; everyone has their limit, and Toshinori will slowly creep towards his through a photograph here, a picked lock there, until he’s eventually got you unconscious on the bed of his spare room, panic sitting heavy in his chest because oh god, you’re going to hate him and never, ever want him in the way he wants you.

It’s a slow crawl into obsession for him, but he’s in too deep, his feelings for you simply too strong for him to pull away - so he compromises and tries to make the best of the situation, hoping that the sincerity of his feelings and his devotion to your happiness and care will make up for the stalking, the watching you sleep, the knocking you out with the chloroform soaked rag.

He’s hoping, perhaps naively, that one day you’ll forgive him - and really, you will. Whether you want to or not. Because while Toshinori has in fact betrayed you in more ways than one, he’ll manage to worm his way into your heart, his awkward charm and genuine yearning for you eventually winning you over.

After all, how can you say no to the only person who really seems to care for you? How can you deny him when he’s got that hopeful look in his eye, those clammy, nervous palms and his stuttered murmur of your name?

You just can’t, so really it’s in your best interest to give up trying. It’s easier for both of you that way.

#yandere bnha #yandere mha #yandere all might #yandere toshinori yagi #_lee's profiles #_bnha #_toshinori yagi

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