#min seolah

[june-pop]

The Penthouse Headcanons

Hey!! This is my first post I’ve ever done. I never thought I would actually make one here but here I am😭 anyway I’m making this because I really love this k-drama but I don’t see a lot of stuff about it in here so I’m doing some headcanons….because I can

- Most of the Hera palace kids don’t know how to cook except Rona, Jenny & Eunbyeol

I just get that vibe from them. Minhyuk and his dad rely on their mom for cooking and cleaning. The twins have their own maid who does that. Seokhoon might know basic stuff but not enough. I definitely think Jenny cooks with her mom sometimes. Ha Eunbyeol learned to try and impress Seokhoon. Rona definitely helps her mom around the kitchen

- Seokkyung can’t sleep when there’s thunder and lighting at nighttime.

This ain’t exactly a headcanon, Seokhoon confirmed that in season 1? I believe. I remember he said that to his father. I just felt like this needed to be brought to light

- Shin Suryeon’s love language is definitely quality time. You can’t tell me otherwise

- Seokkyung and Seokhoon definitely find comfort and security in each other.

I feel they both suffer from nightmares due to multiple reasons so I can imagine one of them waking up to the other texting or calling in the middle of the night about how they can’t sleep, and the other person shows up at their room a few minutes later and they just end up talking or cuddling to sleep

- Mari definitely saw Rona as her own daughter when Yoon Hee died.

She took her in and even left her husband because he didn’t want to have anything to do with Rona. That’s some motherly love right there.

- Shim Suryeon took many self defense and fighting classes

Have you SEEN the way this girl handles Joo Dantae sometimes😭the lord knows getting into a fight with her will leave on the ground with a broken nose.

- Ha Yoon Chul takes Eunbyeol to go eat out secretly behind Seojins back

Seojin only has her daughter eat certain and extremely healthy foods that are “fit for singer”. Yoon Chul just wants to make sure his daughter can enjoy all types of food and take her out so she doesn’t stay cooped up inside the penthouse.

- Kang Mari definitely likes women👌🏾

I rest my case….

- Jenny had a crush on Rona at one point, but it eventually went away

- Yoon Hee and Rona have karaoke nights

- Min Hyuk had a biiiiiigggg crush on Seokhoon

That was actually revealed by min Hyuks actor that it was originally written for min hyuk to be in love with seokhoon

That’s all I could think of😅 what are some of your headcanons?

#the penthouse #Joo seokhoon #joo seokyung #kang Mari #Kang Jenny #bae Rona #ohyoonhee #shim suryeon #joo dantae #lee minhyuk #cheon seojin #ha yoon Chul #ha Eunbyeol #the penthouse headcanons #headcanon #fanfic #kdrama #the penthouse war in life #min seolah

[drexmwomxn]

#min seolah

[gyu-effect]

(tryna do) what lovers do || y.jh

"WE ARE JUST TRYNA DO WHAT LOVERS DO”

PAIRING || Jeonghan x Female Reader

GENRES || Fake Dating AU, College AU, Humour, Fluff, Friends To Lovers AU, Rich Kids AU

SUMMARY || When you had roped Jeonghan into your idea of being a ‘pretend’ couple, you did not expect the lie to grow this big. What was supposed to be a one day thing soon became a rather frequent occurrence. And the gravity of the situation did not really hit you until your parents were requesting an audience with your new ‘boyfriend’. Will the two of you be able to keep your act till then?

Or, in which, you keep promising yourself that this would be the last day you pretend to have feelings for Yoon Jeonghan.

SERIES MASTERLIST || teen, age

MUSIC || What Lover Do by Maroon 5 and SZA

WARNINGS || Joshua being a menace to the society, one mention of threesome as a joke (I really tried to keep it sfw but this was inevitable really sorry), drunk Jeonghan, a make out scene, probably very wrong elite party etiquettes (don’t come at me pls), a bit of swearing

WORD COUNT || 15k

A/N || As much as I was dying to write this fic, a lot of times I had to stop it because the flow was so bad. I hope it doesn’t affect the outcome so do tell me what you guys think about it! I would love to hear all of your opinions about it! Also for better understanding, Jeonghan’ suit was the one he wore for Don’t Lie Series Pt.2!

TAGLIST || @fragmentof-indifference @millielovescheol @jkbabiey @kokoiinuts @alyssng​ @cecedrake2217 @dr3aluv5 @romeosbreastmilk @y00nzin0      [thank you for being interested! if you wanted to be added to the series taglist or my general taglist, send me an ask!]

“Oh my god, why am I even here?” You sobbed to yourself, as you frantically turned the pages of the thick textbook, searching desperately for anything that could help you in your project. Despite being in the library for the past four hours, you had managed to write only two pages of your five page essay. You cursed yourself mentally for picking such a difficult topic in an attempt to be different from others.

“To get your degree and a job that will secure your future?” Seungkwan replied, as though he hadn’t been complaining about his own work a minute ago.

“Thanks. I wasn’t really sure before why I applied for college but now I definitely am.” You muttered, squeezing your eyes shut as you closed your laptop. As the semester was approaching the end, all the project deadlines had clogged up your calendar and you were pathetically struggling to finish everything on time. 

“You did not ask yourself this question when you were at the party yesterday.” He reminded you, causing you to open your eyes and glare at him. 

“I’ve been to a maximum of three parties throughout this entire semester minus our initiation party. How much more do you want me to quit? If I don’t let out my stress in some way or the other I’m going to combust.”

“Lies. You hate these parties and your stress busting mechanism is to go shopping with Kim Yeri.”

You raised your hands in defeat, but still stuck out your tongue at your best friend. Just because he was right didn’t mean you couldn’t complain and whine to him. 

“Speaking of parties,” he continued after shutting his laptop and looking at you, “What are you going to do about the one next week?”

You stared at him.

“Next week? What party?”

“Min Seolah’s party? She sent an invitation to you?” 

“Ah,” you said, vaguely remembering something in your inbox which you might have deleted out of anger at your pending work. “I just won’t go. Where’s it taking place? Her apartment?”

Now it was Seungkwan’s turn to stare at you.

“You didn’t go through the invitation did you?” He glared at you when you smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s an elite party. And you are expected to have an escort. In more polite terms, a date.” 

You felt your smile dip as soon as you heard the word ‘elite’. You absolutely hated these formal parties. More than boring, they were painful beyond words and talking with all the powerful delegates who were usually present there always exhausted you mentally. 

“Can’t I- can’t we excuse ourselves?”

“Our parents will be there.”

That line hit you like a truck and you finally felt the realisation sink in. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Seungkwan. I-I need to pick a dress! And shoes! And-And an escort! Where the hell am I supposed to get a date?” Even Seungkwan didn’t seem to have an answer for this. You continued your rambling as the panic finally settled in properly. “Oh god. How does one, who had next to zero social interactions outside her friend circle, manage to find a date in less than a week? And how are you so calm about this? Do you want to pretend to be each other’s escorts? Everyone knows there’s nothing between us anyways.”

“Er, about that.” Seungkwan began, awkwardly scratching his neck. “I already have a date.”

For the second time that day, Boo Seungkwan had dropped another bomb on you. You closed your mouth that had been hanging open and edged your chair closer to his suspiciously.

“Wait, what? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“It happened just right before I came into the library!” He began, clearly flustered as he was avoiding your gaze and aimlessly flipping the pages of the book in front of him (it was actually your book, a subject he didn’t even have). “Sowon just- just randomly asked whether I wanted to go with her because she thought I was cool and I was so taken aback, I said yes without even thinking-”

“Is that all it takes to ask you out? Just tell you that you are cool?” You asked, leaning back and grinning at your furiously blushing best friend. You had seen Seungkwan embarrassed (and had sometimes even been the cause of it), but to see him this shy because of some girl from economics seemed worthy to make fun of. In the back of your mind, you made a mental note to tell this to Chan. 

“Are you worried about that? Shouldn’t you be worried about your lack of date, instead?” 

“Yeah…But I’ve got to finish this assignment before.” You always had your priorities right, and getting a degree was definitely one of them. “And I’m hungry.”

“It’s almost lunch time. Want to grab something from the canteen?” Seungkwan asked, checking his watch. You nodded and both of you packed up your things, walking out into the sunlight after what felt like an eternity of being in the dark library. 

No sooner had you stepped out of the threshold, you felt a gush of wind from behind you that nearly knocked you over, but Seungkwan wasn’t that lucky. He stumbled onto the ground as that gush of wind (now identified as Kwon Soonyoung) grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up. Or rather yanked him up.

“Hey! Do you want to die?” Seungkwan yelled, as you blinked and tried to process what had just happened. Then feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips at the sight of Soonyoung nervously apologising to Seungkwan, you gently patted the latter’s back.

“Are you okay?” You asked, his neck visibly red at the sudden tugging of his shirt collar. 

“I highly doubt you should be smiling while asking me that?”

“I- okay I’m sorry.” By now you were grinning. “Drink some water, you should be fine. And Soonyoung, why the hell did you try to knock us out?”

“I wasn’t trying to! I just wanted to surprise Seungkwan from behind but I guess I ran a bit too fast.”

“A bit?” Seungkwan was still massaging his neck. “I bet you would have told that excuse to the judges for attempted murder after getting arrested because my head got dislocated from my spine.”

“Anyways, what do you think they are serving us for lunch?” Soonyoung asked, hastily changing the subject.

Before you or Seungkwan could reply, all of a sudden you realised you had left your jacket on the chair in the library. “Uh, guys I’ll catch up with you in the mess? I left my jacket behind.”

“You don’t want us to wait for you?” Seungkwan asked but you shook your head in negative.

“It’s fine. But don’t forget to save me a seat or else I’ll steal all your tiger plushies Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung faked a look of horror, pulling Seungkwan and breaking into a run. This earned an eye roll from Seungkwan as he waved you goodbye. Giggling at their retreating figure you went back inside the library. Thankfully, it was still there and slipping into it, you quickly walked out again. 

This time when you walked out, you found yourself staring at the couple underneath the willow tree near the library. It was still full of leaves despite it being almost autumn. It was almost cute to see the couple until you remembered your own position; you had to find a date before the week ended.

The sun glared on you and you instinctively took a step back, immediately colliding with someone. The two of you let out an ‘ah!’ as you stumbled back more before you felt the person’s hands on your shoulder, stabilising you.

“I’m so sorry!” You gushed, turning back to look at the person. You found yourself looking up at Yoon Jeonghan’s equally surprised face as he helped you up. “Jeonghan, shit, I’m so sorry. I should have looked.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Are you okay? Don’t walk backwards like that, you might get hurt. Unless, you have Mad-Eye Moody's eyes.” He joked casually and you smiled sheepishly at him. 

Jeonghan was a good friend of yours; he was in your close friends circle and you thoroughly enjoyed his presence (as long as you weren’t the one getting pranked). He also happened to be smart and handsome, a plus point which made him a campus heartthrob. As you took in his appearance, you noticed he had grown out his hair a bit. A gentle wind blew against the two of you and his hair ruffled slightly, sunlight catching his face as he grinned at you.

And then, it struck you.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, as you stared at him, your mouth slightly open. “Don’t tell me there’s sauce on my face and Joshua didn’t tell me about it.”

That snapped you back to the present and you shook your head. “Er, no. Um, Jeonghan?” 

“Yeah?”

You knew for sure he had been invited to the same upscale party as you, but you had to make sure before asking him.

“You don’t have a significant other, do you? Or maybe a crush?”

Now it was time for him to stare at you.

“Uh…no? Where is this coming from?”

“Then do you want to date me?”

Jeonghan stared at you for a good few seconds, as though trying to find out if you were joking. Immediately you realised how sudden you sounded and quickly corrected yourself, while grabbing his arm to calm him down. “I mean, would you like to be my escort for Min Seolha’s party? That is, if you still don’t have anyone?”

“Oh.” Jeonghan laughed awkwardly, before patting your hand. “But you know, you are supposed to get a potential partner as your escort. I mean…”

His voice trailed off and you dropped your hand, feeling slightly embarrassed. You were a bit disappointed, but you could understand where he was coming from and you definitely did not want to pressurise him.

“Ah, of course I understand! Forget I asked. It’s just that, I don’t have anyone in my mind right now so I thought if anyone who was comfortable with me was willing to go-”

“I’m not uncomfortable with you!” He exclaimed, grabbing your hand. “I just- I just thought maybe you would want to go with someone you like. Or…yeah, damn. You are right. Even I don’t have anyone in mind and I definitely can’t find anyone in a week.”

“If it makes you too uncomfortable going with a friend, we can pretend to be a couple.”

The words were out of your mouth before you even thought about it but it was too late to take it back. Jeonghan looked taken aback and you were going to apologise to him once more but instead he nodded at your plan. 

“Oh yeah, that sounds like a good idea. It won’t even raise any odd questions.” 

You didn’t expect Jeonghan to agree to your plan so quickly, let alone the last part so all you could was a flustered laugh. This earned a soft smile from him as he asked you, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” You lied. “Don’t tell me later on it’s a prank, okay?”

His smile fell a little as he pouted at you, immediately causing you to wince at your words. “Hey, just because I cheat at games doesn’t mean I play with people’s emotions.” 

“I know, I know. I was just joking. You are an angel, Jeonghan.” It was true though. He was a very sweet friend and always took care of those around him. In fact at get-togethers, he was always the one who made sure everyone had enough food. He helped with notes or anything related to studies. You did know that he was a really nice person, except when he was trying to be a menace to the society.

“By the way, do we have any rules or something?” He asked.

“Rules?”

“We need to make this a little believable right? Or else people are going to easily realise that we just agreed to be each other's date because we couldn’t find anyone and honestly, that’s a bit embarrassing.” 

“Yeah.” You scratched your neck, not having thought this far. What he was saying was true, if this plan backfired you both could become a laughing stock and the last thing you need in your already full plate was another lecture from your parents.” “Yeah, I think we do.” 

“Then do you want to have lunch in my room?”

“It’s a good thing you got the dorm closest to the library.” You said sarcastically, as you entered his room and finally caught your breath. You collapsed onto his sofa, mentally cursing the building planner for putting the library near the entrance of the campus and some of the boys’ dormitories at the other end. Jeonghan flopped down beside you, equally out of breath despite doing this for quite some time now. 

“Hey, it could have been worse. I could have got an apartment outside the campus and who knows, we might have still been travelling by bus just to get to my place.”

“That’s true.” You grumbled. “But in that case, we would have just gone to my dorm.” 

“I’ll need a special pass to enter the girls’ dorm.” He groaned. “I wish our college wasn’t so strict for first years. Anyways, we should-”

“Hey, have you seen my shampoo?”

A new voice came into the living room and you turned towards it, just to find yourself staring at a half-naked Hong Joshua, standing in front of the bedroom door with just a towel around his torso. You felt your cheek burn as you took in his dripping torso, muscles flexing with almost the slightest movement. At first he hadn’t noticed you but then his eyes locked with yours, causing you to realise what you were doing.

But before you could even look away, you felt Jeonghan’s hands practically slam into your face, covering your eyes from the (amazing) sight you were staring at.

“Hey!” Jeonghan yelped, his voice an octave higher as he too sounded flustered by this. “Why did you come out without checking if anyone was even there? You heard her voice right?”

“I-I- I did not expect-” Joshua stammered and you interrupted him.

“I’m sorry!” You squeaked, still recovering. “I’m sorry that I looked!”

“Uh, no. I shouldn’t have- I should- Yeah, I should just go. Catch up with you guys later!”

Once you heard the bedroom door slam shut, Jeonghan removed his hand from your eyes. You looked at him and he still seemed shocked, and even a bit embarrassed.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” He muttered, clearing his throat as he poured out a cup of water for you. You took the cup from his hand with a small thank you, glad that you had something to cool yourself down.

“No. I’m sorry. I should have immediately looked away.”

“It was sudden.” Jeonghan said, as though understanding you completely. He still seemed unable to meet your eyes, and was busy rearranging the coasters kept on the coffee table in front of you, despite them being already arranged properly. Somehow looking at the Yoon Jeonghan like this set off the devilish side inside you. 

“Does Joshua work out everyday?” You asked casually.

“He does. Not only does he have a gym membership, he also has some stuff in his room.” Jeonghan replied, without missing a beat. He seemed to have regained his composure because he smiled at you and asked, “Why? having second thoughts about me and want to go for Joshua?”

“What?” You spluttered over your water, your time to be taken aback. “I- I would never-”

“Relax, I’m just joking. If you are with him, your ears might drop because of him singing ‘Sunday morning, rain is falling’. Who knows, he probably went back to get showered on because it’s not raining today. It is Sunday, after all.”

You stared at him, trying to make which part was real and which wasn’t. Even though his smile was genuine, you had fallen for his tricks quite a few times and you knew better not to trust that angelic smile. But having a proper one on one conversation with him made you realise how convincing he was.

“Er, let’s go back to why I came here. I think we should make some boundaries so that neither of us are uncomfortable with each other and also some points which might convince people we are dating.”

“Right.” Jeonghan said, magically conjuring up a paper and pen from somewhere. “So first of all, I think we should decide on pet names.”

You paused, trying to think of something plausible for him. For some reason, the very thought of having to call him baby or sweetheart in public was making you cringe (and you were sure he would too) so you thought of something that he won't mind being called and at the same time showed your closeness.

Before you could tell him your thoughts, the bedroom door opened once again and Joshua walked out (this time fully clothed and dry). He pulled a chair and sat himself opposite to both of you, giving you an awkward smile.

“Let me apologise again. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable or something.” He said. You shook your head, before giving him your apology too.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stared.” Joshua nodded as though accepting your apology and then pointed at the paper in Jeonghan’s hand. “What are you both up to?”

“We are dating.”

“We are pretending to be a couple”

The two of you said it at the same time, and you felt dumb. You knew Jeonghan and Joshua were best friends but you didn’t expect Jeonghan to tell him this immediately. Letting out an awkward laughter at Joshua, you turned towards Jeonghan who was looking at you surprised.

“I’m sorry, was I not supposed to tell this?” He asked and you quietly grumbled. It wasn’t that you weren’t going to tell Seungkwan either, but you thought maybe it would be after you and Jeonghan had finalised everything and you had sorted your thoughts.

“Er, it’s fine.” You said hastily as Joshua got up to leave. “I think it’s better if you could help us too.” He smiled and sat down, looking excited as though the three of you were planning to pull the greatest prank of all time.

“Joshua’s an expert in this department.” Jeonghan said, and you turned to look at him. His eyes were practically shining as he smiled innocently at his roommate. Looking at him like this, you felt a smile tug at the corner of your lips, something infectious about his childishness.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s just exaggerating.” Joshua said, rolling his eyes. “You know how to flirt as much as I do.”

“Then what do you suggest I should call Y/N?”

“To be honest, I think it would be better if you just call her by her name.” Joshua said, actually thinking hard about it. “Your voice kind of goes soft when you are talking to your loved ones though, so maybe try that instead with Y/N’s name.” 

“Hey Joshua. People call you Josh, right?” You asked very seriously, leaning towards him a bit. He nodded and you continued. “Then should I call you Shua?”

“Hey! We are deciding pet names for each other! Not for you and Joshua!” Jeonghan protested, though he was laughing at your seriousness. Joshua laughed too and gave you a thumbs up, causing you to lean back into the couch, satisfied. 

Then turning towards Jeonghan you said, “Do you mind if I call you Hannie?” 

He cocked his head towards the side as his eyes widened a little. But this time he didn’t look surprised, instead he looked genuinely curious as to why you picked that name, silently urging you to go on.

You felt your cheeks tingle with heat a little at the way he was looking at you attentively, so you quickly took a sip of your water before continuing. “Well, like Joshua said you kind of speak softly with people you are very comfortable with. So I felt…Hannie suited you a lot. I think it’s soft enough to suit you.” You said sheepishly.

“I thought you were calling me Shua?” Joshua interrupted, an evil glint in his eyes. You immediately knew he was going to pull your leg so you decided to play along. “I was joking. I use pet names only for my beloved boyfriend.”

You stressed on the ‘beloved boyfriend’ part and looked at Jeonghan. He was busy scribbling something on the paper but when he heard you accentuate that part, he looked up, eyes flicking between you and Joshua as the whole room stared at him. He looked surprised (this seemed to be the only response you could get out of him today) but nonetheless when his eyes landed on yours, he smiled at you softly.

Sunlight glided into the room through their partially open balcony, throwing light on Jeonghan and giving him almost an angelic glow. His eyes curved into half moons as he smiled at you, his long hair falling in front of his eyes a little. For the first time you noticed how delicate his features were, like he was a beautiful statue but carved in glass. 

You felt your heart stutter a little and you frowned. Looking at the glass of water in your hand, you emptied it one go. Maybe you weren’t drinking enough water? It was afternoon and it had been quite some time since you left your dorm.

“Oh, sorry! I promised you lunch right?” Jeonghan exclaimed, thinking you drank all the water because you were hungry. Before you could respond, he had already gotten up, walking towards some sheafs of pamphlets kept on their tv cabinet. “You like braised chicken, don’t you?”

You blinked at him, surprised. “How did you know that?”

“You always order that when we all eat out.” Jeonghan stated causally. He began flipping all the pamphlets, then finding one particular restaurant’s, he took out his phone and dialled the number. Was Jeonghan always this attentive?

“What about you?” You asked Joshua. He got up and sat beside you. “Jeonghan knows what I usually order. So, can I ask you a question?”

Through the corner of your eyes you saw Jeonghan slip into his bedroom. “Sure, go ahead Shua.”

He grinned at you and leaned in closer, until you could smell the faint scent of his soap. You saw his eyes change to seriousness as his voice dropped a little before asking, “Can I ask why are you and Jeonghan doing this?”

“Oh.” It was out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. Here you thought he was going to either flirt with you or let you in on a serious secret about Jeonghan but instead he asked this. You laughed awkwardly to cover up your flusteredness. What are you thinking, Y/N? You are with Jeonghan now! This isn’t the time to think about his best friend and roommate! “Ah, it’s just that we need an escort to Min Seolah’s party next week so me and Jeonghan decided to pretend we are a couple just so that we can be each other’s escort.”

“Ah, then were you open to anyone you were comfortable with?”

“Yeah, as long as the other person too was comfortable with it. It kind of just popped out of my mouth, to be honest.”

He scrunched his nose a little, as though regretting something. “I wish I was there instead of Jeonghan then.”

You blinked at his words, trying to process what he had just said. Had the Hong Joshua said he wished it was him in a fake relationship with you? Sure the two of you were friends but still, it did nothing to stop the sudden whooping feeling in your stomach.

“Too bad it was me then.”

You turned to see Jeonghan leaning against his door frame, grinning at the two of you indicating that he was joking. Immediately you felt guilt clutch at your throat. You had roped Yoon Jeonghan into your proposition of dating but here you were now, flirting with his close friend. 

Joshua, on the other hand, seemed unfazed about it. If anything, he looked amused as he leaned back into the couch lazily, studying Jeonghan’s expression.

“Anyways, they’ll deliver in half an hour's time. Come on, Y/N. We’ve got a lot to discuss.”

“What else?” He was suddenly so serious that you were taken aback slightly. 

“We need to talk about physical touch and kissing too, of course.”

“Kissing?!” 

“So did you two discuss about kissing?” Kim Yeri, your roommate, asked as you threw your face into your pillow to muffle your scream.

“No, I ran out of there before we even got started on that topic. Talking about physical touch itself was so embarrassing, I thought I would die if we started talking about kissing. He’s so serious about it. Why did I even suggest such a thing?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, bestie.” Yeri said comfortingly, patting your back.

“I mean, he’s so nice to me. I feel like…I feel like I’m using him or something.”

“Then don’t use him. Use this opportunity to…ah, you know, get a boyfriend.” You glared at the girl sitting on your bed and she winked at you, causing you to get up and smack her lightly with a pillow.

“No way! This is just an act! How shallow am I to fall for a man who agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend?”

Yeri shrugged, as though it wasn’t a big deal. “Happens all the time in movies. Besides, Yoon Jeonghan isn’t that bad, is he? He’s funny, friendly, handsome and smart. He’s so fucking pretty too. Everyone loves his jokes and pranks.”

“Yeah, as long as you aren’t the one getting pranked.” You muttered, eyes darting to your phone. He had told you to message him once you reached and you had done, but he still hadn’t even read it yet. You mulled Yeri’s thoughts in your head. She was right, Jeonghan was pretty. You had always known that but somehow seeing him against the sunlight made you see him in a different light. Quite Literally. 

“So when’s your next date?”

“It’s not a date…” You began, but stopped when Yeri raised an eyebrow at you. “Fine, we are just going shopping to buy some ‘couple’ things.”

“Sounds like a rather cute date to me.”

“Yeri!”

How the rest of the evening and the next day passed by quickly was shocking to you (you wished time passed this quickly during statistics class but no, time and you had to have a beef with time). You had let Seungkwan into your plan and he had also sworn that he wouldn’t tell it to anyone, even if he was being threatened with not being able to drink iced americano for an entire year (a threat you were highly tempted to try out but alas, you loved your best friend too much). But he was a committed best friend. Seungkwan had even written down some points to make your relationship more realistic and you had hastily stuffed it down your coat’s pocket, so that you could show it to Jeonghan later on.

Very soon, you found yourself and Jeonghan seated on the sofa of the high end boutique near to your college, waiting for the attendants to attend to you both. You were a regular customer here due to your trips with Yeri and even sometimes with Seungkwan, so the shop assistant knew you from before. They had greeted you with their usual friendly smile they always gave you, until their eyes landed on Jeonghan, travelling down to your entwined hands.

Jeonghan had insisted that the two of you hold hands when you enter the shop, saying that it would be a practice. At first you were a bit uncertain, but then he reminded you that it was ideal for your boyfriend to take you shopping, and that shop assistants did not gossip much. You were still not sure about it but nonetheless slipped your hand in his.

His bony fingers grasped your gently as he gave you a smile, pulling you into the boutique with him. Despite his hand being cold, you felt your fingers tingle underneath his touch, a sensation you kept feeling even after he had let go of your hand. 

The attendants looked a bit too elated as they ushered you and Jeonghan into a room, telling they’ll be right back to attend the two of you.

Presently, Jeonghan was bobbing his legs beside you, both of your knees brushing against each other slightly. He seemed unfazed by this and so should have been you, but for some reason this made you hyper aware of your both’s closeness. You could smell his cologne, making you realise you had never really gone shopping with another man who wasn’t, well, Seungkwan. 

It also made you wonder whether he had done this before with someone else. He looked so experienced, the way he just casually checked over some of the items displayed, as though he had a habit of buying what caught his eyes for his significant other.

“Have you done this before?” You asked, and he looked at you confused, blinking as though asking you to elaborate. “I mean,” you said after clearing your throat. For some reason you were feeling very awkward asking him this, almost feeling the heat tingle on your cheeks. “Have you gone on a date to the boutique to buy couple clothes?” 

“Ah, no. This is my first time actually.” He said with a soft smile. You felt relief settle in you as you automatically smiled back at him, before catching yourself. What are you doing? You screamed internally, wondering why Jeonghan was so soft with you. 

You realised that the way he smiled and the way he talked to you had always given you this mad urge to melt right then and there in front of him, as though you just couldn't bring yourself to be harsh with him. True, you had yelled at him a few times for cheating (quite blatantly at that) while playing games but it had always ended in laughter and giggles, as though you couldn’t stay angry at him for long.

He gave you the urge to stare at him for hours, studying and etching his features into your brain forever, as though he was a piece you would have to sculpt later on. It amazed you that no matter how many times you looked at him, you always found him beautiful as though it was the first time you had laid your eyes on him.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the shop assistant, asking what the two of you would like.

“Can we get clothes which complement each other? Like even subtly is fine for us.” Jeonghan asked.

Hell, he even had an amazing voice. He was so well mannered that you were sure if you had met Jeonghan at one of your parent’s parties instead, you would have fallen heads over heels with him. 

“Not matching couple clothes?”

“No. Something which complements each other would be better. What do you think, Y/N?”

To be honest, you thought that was a genius idea. In that way, you could even wear the dress after your ‘breakup’, without making things awkward. Leave it to Yoon Jeonghan to sort out everything just perfectly. 

“Yeah, I think that is a brilliant idea too. Oh, we also need to pick your suit and my dress for the party.” You reminded him.

“Do you want to choose for each other?”

“What?” The question had completely caught you off guard. Wasn’t picking dresses for each other something couples did? You both really didn’t need to act as a couple too much here, so why was he suggesting it?

“We don’t have to do it, if you are feeling awkward about it.” He said gently. If Yoon Jeonghan treated you sweetly one more time, you were sure you would start smiling at him like a fool constantly. Then his eyes lit up mischievously and he leaned in, as though about to tell you his biggest secret. “But I do have a great fashion choice.”

You let out a laugh at this, amused that that was what he had wanted to say. Smiling at him you shook your head, indicating that he could choose for you.

“What’s your favourite colour?” He asked, looking at dresses hanging on the hangers being rolled in front of the two of you. 

“I like pink. Or any light shade, actually.” 

“Then how’s this one?” He pointed at one of the pink gowns that had caught your eyes previously, and you nodded eagerly at him.

“I’ll try that out!” You said as you walked into the changing room, glad that both of your tastes had aligned well. Once you were done you stepped out, clearing your throat to get Jeonghan’s attention, who was busy on his phone. He looked up and froze for a second, before his eyes darted all over your figure, checking you out with his mouth slightly open.

You felt your cheeks flush at the way he was looking at you, the way he swallowed and then smiled at you gently. Your stomach fluttered at his action, unable to stop yourself from mirroring his smile. Jeonghan got up and walked over to you, grinning at you as he cocked his head towards the side slightly.

And for some reason, that action made you feel even more giddy.

“How do I look?” You asked, sounding breathless for some reason. Embarrassed, you tried to cover it up by pretending to be excited, and twirling in front of the mirror once to see for yourself.

“You look amazing. Like really, really beautiful.”

He sounded really genuine and you beamed at him, equally happy that both of you chose a dress that suited you very well. You had been called beautiful many times, mostly by men trying to flatter you or your father, but something about the way Jeonghan said it made you shy.

“Should we choose one for you?” You asked once you came back from the changing room, eyeing all the tuxedos that had been brought in now. Jeonghan nodded and you walked over to the rack, searching for one that would bring out his delicate features more beautifully.

“How about this one?” You asked, pointing at a white coloured one. It looked like a conductor’s tuxedo and you felt that it would really go well with his long hair. He nodded and went inside the changing room, while you sat down on the couch, waiting for him to return.

“Y/N?” Someone softly called you, and you looked up to see Jeonghan smiling at you, all dressed up in the outfit you had picked for him. He was just smiling, an expression he gave you quite often and honestly it shouldn’t have had much effect on you, it really shouldn’t. You should have just smiled back, complimented him, paid for your stuff and gone out to eat a round of ice cream that you had promised him.

But instead, it had a great effect on you.

Just Yoon Jeonghan standing there and smiling at you had a huge effect on you. It made time slow down as you felt your heart hammer loudly in your chest, squeezing painfully every now and then. If you hadn't been sitting down your knees might have given away, breath gone for a second as you admired for the millionth time how beautiful he was. 

Because he really was. He looked so handsome, so pretty and so- every adjective that you could think of but couldn’t really because of how goddamned ethereal he looked right now. It was like the suit was tailor made for just him. He looked like a prince straight out from your dreams and it took you all your willpower to stop fluttering in your heart.

Realising you were staring at him for too long, you looked away immediately, releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. Your cheeks burned in shame at the effect he had on you, despite it being just the second time you had hung out with him after deciding to fake your relationship. 

You had known him for quite some time, it wasn’t like the two of you had become friends just yesterday. 

And yet, you felt like you were ‘rediscovering’ Jeonghan. Like his smile for example. Even though you knew he was pretty, nothing prepared you ever for the sudden flutters in your heart everytime he smiled at you. Or the way he smelled a bit too good, when he had come to pick you up earlier, like he had just stepped out of the shower.

“Y/N?” Jeonghan called you, jostling back to the present. His usual angelic smile was now replaced by a smirk, and you groaned internally and cursed yourself for digging up your own grave. Why did you have to stare at him like that? “Do I look so good that I left you speechless?”

“Shut up, Yoon. You look fine.” You emphasised on the ‘fine’, rolling your eyes so that he got your message but that just caused him to grin at you more.

Nope. Nope. There was no way you were developing feelings for Yoon Jeonghan. Definitely not after you knew how sinister he was and definitely not after you asked him to be your fake boyfriend. You didn’t want to inflate his ego by making him think that he could make you fall for him by just literally breathing, all the while he played the act of being your fake date.

Slowly you got up from your seat and walked past him casually, letting the shop owner know that you were ready to pay. 

You were determined to not let Jeonghan’s presence shake you. It’s just for a week, Y/N. After that the two of you can just go back to being friends and this stupid crush you might be developing will go away.

What you didn’t though, was that you were bad at predicting the future. Vey, very bad.

“Hey, I think both Joshua and Jeonghan have a thing for you. Ever considered being in a poly relationship?” Seungkwan whispered into your ears not-so-subtly.

You glared at him for this scandalous comment before quickly glancing at Jeonghan and Joshua sitting opposite to the two of you. Luckily, they both were busy with their midterm project and were discussing something while comparing notes on their laptops.

The promised ice cream ‘date’ of three days ago had to be cancelled because it had begun raining all of a sudden and neither of you wanted to get wetter than what you were when you ran into the bus stand. So you had promised to take him to the little cafe inside your campus instead, and Joshua and Seungkwan decided to tag along to act as ‘chaperones’, though you weren’t sure what they were chaperoning because both you and Jeonghan had lots of assignments left and had been planning to do your own work.

“Shut up, Boo!” You hissed, never wanting to murder your best friend more than right now. “What if they heard you?”

“What about it? Both of them know that everyone wants to have a threesome with them.”

“Have a threesome with whom?”

You turned to Joshua in horror, feeling embarrassment creep into your cheeks as he eagerly looked between the two of you. Jeonghan on the other hand looked surprised, as though not even sure what the conversation was about.

“Have a threesome with whom? Us?” Joshua asked again, his smile a bit too excited for his own good. You thought he would be uncomfortable with it but instead he looked excited about this conversation, causing you to groan as you buried your face in your hand.

“Stop acting like you don’t know! Don’t rub it on me that the two of you are more handsome than me!” Seungkwan sulked, giving his signature side eye to Joshua. But that just caused Joshua to smile more brightly at him, as though Seungkwan’s misery was his pleasure (which it probably was).

“I’m not rubbing it on you! I might be handsome but there’s no one cuter than you, Seungkwan. Right, Y/N?” You faked a look of disgust and pretended to puke over your drink. Though you wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you were even willing a fight a lion if it disagreed that your best friend was adorable and handsome (you dearly hoped it wouldn’t come down to that situation. The last time all of you went to the zoo, Minghao and Jihoon nearly pushed Soonyoung into the tiger’s den for claiming to be one so you learnt that whatever you told, your friends would try their level best to make it come true).

“Are you two flirting? Is this a double date?” Jeonghan asked, head turning between Joshua and Seungkwan as though he was watching a tennis match. 

“No way, I’m only going to date the person who calls me Shua, no one else.” 

Your eyes widened at his statement and you gulped in a huge amount of your drink, causing you to choke and violently cough. While Seungkwan and Joshua just laughed at you (you were literally dying and of course that would be the immediate response of the people you called friends), Jeonghan looked worriedly at you and reached out to gently pat your hand. You felt your breathing slowly ease down due to his action, and he grabbed your hand in his to gently rub circles with his thumb.

It was a rather small act from a friend who just cared about you. Nothing romantic or intimate at all, and yet you felt a warm fuzzy feeling grow at your heart. He smiled at you gently when you had completely stopped coughing, pouring a cup of water and handing it to you.

You were grateful for the drink and you took in a sip cautiously, your mind still wandering to the now disappearing feeling in your chest. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the waitress who came to your table, and you recognised her as someone you might have seen talking to your Applied Physics - I professor. She gave you, Seungkwan and Joshua a half-assed smile, but when her eyes landed on Jeonghan, she smiled at him in the most glamorous way ever.

“So what can I get you guys now?” She asked. Miyeon, as her name tag stated, was clearly talking to the entire table yet her eyes were trained only on Jeonghan. You saw him return her smile politely, and you felt your insides churn a little.

Because it was the same smile he always gave you. The same goddamn smile that had you feeling that you were on cloud nine, that made you shy and that same smile that made you feel special.

So he wasn’t doing it just for you? 

You never thought you would ever be jealous over something this trivial. You didn’t even like him in that way and yet, you could almost feel the disappointment clutching at your heart almost a bit too tightly.

It then hit you that the only expression Jeonghan had given you so far was either his look of surprise or a smile, but nothing more than that. Whenever he was hanging out with the entire gang or even now when it was just Joshua, you and Seungkwan, he had been laughing and cracking lots of jokes. But when he was with you all alone, all he did was smile and give you compliments, as though the two of you had just met due to a blind date set up by your parents. 

Did you make Jeonghan that uncomfortable? Was he too nice to say no to your idea back then?

But the Jeonghan you knew wasn’t a pushover, so he must have thought about it a bit before agreeing, right? You are just overthinking everything. You chided yourself. 

Your further thoughts were all stopped when you noticed everyone at the table staring at you. 

“Your order?” Miyeon asked, annoyance evident in her voice.

“Er, I would like to have your Special Strawberry Jam Sandwich. And another cup of coffee please.”

“Got it.” Then turning back towards Jeonghan, she said, “So that’s your order too? Not your regular?”

Jeonghan nodded as the word regular whirled in your brain. He visited this cafe often? Had he- had he lied to you then?

The rest of the meal passed by in a blur, with the three boys doing the most of the talking. You joined in once or twice but mostly stayed to yourself, contemplating hard on what to do next.

It wasn’t that you were crushing on Jeonghan and that was making you sad. It was more like you didn’t want him to feel extremely uncomfortable around you, seeing how he had clearly lied to you about the cafe and treated you just the way he treated any other person on the street.

Soon it was time to leave and the four of you walked out of the cafe. But before you could part ways with the boys, Jeonghan grabbed your arm and stopped you.

“I want to talk to you.” He said and you nodded, realising that it would be better if even you got all your questions cleared up. Through the corner of your eyes you saw Seungkwan take out his phone and hastily type down something, and felt your phone vibrate almost immediately after he hit the send button.

Taking out your phone you checked his message, feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips. 

[uriboo]: if yoon jeonghan tries anything funny, just send sos. no matter where i am, i’ll kick his ass using my special kick reserved for soonyoung only.

You gave him a thumbs up and waved him goodbye, watching Joshua and Seungkwan’s retreating figures disappear round the corner. It was almost evening by now and the sky had turned a light shade of orangish pink. You stared it for some time until you felt Jeonghan tug you once more.

“Come on. Let’s talk there.” He asked, pointing at one of the benches farther away from the walking path. “No one will hear us there.” You nodded and followed him, sitting down beside him. A few moments passed as the two of you just watched students walk by, neither of you taking the lead to start the conversation.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked after some time, and you turned to look at him dryly.

“I’m…fine. Okay, I guess. Just a bit tired.”

“No…what’s wrong? Did someone say something? Did I hurt you?”

There he went again.

You turned to glare at him but the look of concern on his face was enough to stop you. He looked really worried for you, and even reached out to grab your hand and give it a squeeze. You gulped to stop the way your heart fluttered at his actions, reminding yourself of what you had to ask him.

“Why…why did you lie to me?” You asked, swallowing thickly once more so that you didn’t sound hurt. But your voice still sounded strangled, and if Jeonghan had noticed it, he didn’t show it.

“Are you talking about the cafe?” He asked gently, and you nodded slowly.

“When I said I would take you out to a new place and mentioned its name too, you didn’t tell me you already went there. The waitress mentioned that you were a regular there!” It almost sounded like you were whining by this point.

Jeonghan blinked at you once, twice and then burst out laughing. “Is that what is bothering you?”

Pulling your hand away from his, you swatted his arm lightly, feeling hurt at his reaction. “It’s not funny! I literally gushed to you about the strawberry sandwich, saying that if you tried it you would forget every other sandwich when you had probably tried it a million times before. Do you know how embarrassing it is? It's so embarrassing that I bragged about something you already knew, it makes me look like a show off.”

“Ah, but I had never actually tried the strawberry sandwich before.” He said, taking your hand in his again. “I really had never tried it before, which is why I didn’t say anything. Besides, you looked so cute when you were talking about the cafe and I really didn’t want you to stop.”

You froze a little, taken aback by his last statement. Quickly, you tried to change the subject, hoping he wouldn’t notice the sudden heat forming on your cheeks.

“I-I- Okay. I-I have a few more questions to ask, if you don’t mind. Or…you can go first about whatever you wanted to talk about.”

“Go ahead. I finished asking mine. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with you.” 

“Oh.” So it was the typical Jeonghan-cares-for-you question. “Er, are you and the waitress close? Um, what’s her name? Miyeon?”

“Not that close.” He replied nonchalantly. “She had helped me with some physics homework once, that’s all. And oh, also because I visit the cafe regularly.”

“I think she likes you.”

“Yeah me too.” He smirked when you stared at him. “Jealous?”

“Jealous of whom? You?” You countered back, keeping your expression as neutral as you could. You weren’t, couldn’t be jealous and you weren’t going to show him that you were either. He laughed at your comeback and you felt yourself smile, feeling pleased that he had enjoyed your retort. 

“Point. Miyeon is pretty. But just so you know, she had asked me today whether I could hang out with her sometime later.”

“When did this happen? What did you say?” Even though you knew Jeonghan probably said yes, you still wanted to hear the answer from him.

“I said you were my girlfriend, what else? It happened when you had gone to the bathroom and she got the bill to the table. She then even asked why were you sitting beside Seungkwan if you were my girlfriend.”

“And what did you guys say then?”

“Seungkwan said ‘bros before hoes’.”

You rolled your eyes, questioning yourself why you even thought your best friend might have given a smart answer. “Of course he did. Can I ask you one more question?”

“You are asking an awful lot of questions, aren’t you?” He smiled at you, his eyes glinting in a teasing manner.

“It’s the last one! Please, Hannie?”

It was the first time you were using the nickname and you could swear you saw him tense for a fraction of a second. Then it was gone as soon as it had come. Instead, he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, indicating you to go. You had almost forgotten that the two of you were still holding hands, and this squeeze seemed to suddenly liven the atmosphere around the two of you, as though reminding you of his presence.

“Do you…find it uncomfortable to be with me?”

His smile faltered, clearly caught off guard by your question.

“I mean, do I make you feel uncomfortable? Like…did you say yes to being my boyfriend just because you didn’t want to refuse me and make me feel bad or-”

“Why would I do that? Shit, do I act like that around you? You aren’t someone new Y/N. You have been my friend for quite some time. Why would I feel uncomfortable around you? And I didn’t say yes because I felt bad for you. We both needed escorts and that’s why I said yes.”

“Then why do you act so differently when you are around me?” You asked, releasing your hand from his grasp. “Like, like you always look like you are enjoying yourself when we are with our friends but whenever it's just the two of us, you act just so sweet and nice. That’s about it. Just- just sweet and nice. Like how you are to Miyeon.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, as though thinking before answering your question.

“It’s not that I don’t like you Y/N. And I definitely didn’t say yes because I thought you were pathetic or something. Really. It’s just that…I don’t know how this works either.”

“How does what work?” You asked, your voice much softer than you expected. Jeonghan leaned in to you a bit closer, and for the first time you saw him beyond the smiles and jokes he made. He looked tired, really tired as though this act was wearing him out too.

“I-I’m not sure what kind of boyfriend you want. I’m not sure whether I should treat you like a friend and crack jokes about the most useless thing or treat you like a princess like your boyfriend probably would. I don’t know how much to step out of the line of being friends. I don’t know what is the line that oversteps from fake boyfriend to real boyfriend. I…just don’t know what to do most of the time.”

This time, you took his hand in yours, giving them a gentle squeeze. He looked up at you and you smiled softly at him, trying to ease down all the pressure he had been feeling for the past few days. 

You were such an idiot. How could you expect him to act normally when you had just dumped a huge burden over his shoulder?

“Jeonghan…it’s okay. You are doing great, you know that? And sometimes, when I look at you, I wish I could be more like you. You don’t need to treat me as your girlfriend, really. Like I said, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Just treat me as a friend, okay? And if you ever want to stop, just tell me. I’ll always be there for you.”

He gulped and nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact even once. Your heart gave a painful squeeze when he still didn’t look away, all of a sudden feeling that your entire surrounding had melted away.

You could only feel his soft gaze on you, almost feeling raw and exposed and yet, even you couldn’t look away.

“I would never leave you.” Jeonghan whispered, almost mumbling as he finally tore away his gaze. 

“Why? Is this arrangement proving to be useful to you too?” You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah it did help me escape from Miyeon.”

“So I’m your scapegoat now?” You asked scandalously, letting go of your hands so that you could grab him by the shoulder and glare properly. He grinned at you, back to his playful nature. You felt your heart swell by the way he giggled, the infectious laughter causing you to smile too despite trying to sound mad at him.

“Hey, aren’t friends supposed to protect each other like that?”

“Not- not- I- okay whatever!”

“Er, do you see Seungkwan?” You asked Yeri, eyes scanning the crowd for your best friend. The loud noise from the booming speaker was making it almost impossible to hear your roommate, so you turned to her, only to find yourself standing alone in a crowd of drunk bodies. You groaned internally as Yeri was your designated driver today, and you prayed that wherever she went, she wouldn't end up drunk like she had last time.

Byun Baekhyun, a senior known for his loudness and great ambition to wreck chaos wherever he went had decided to throw a party for the first years as a celebration for completing the first term without losing their sanity (which was clearly a lie; you were close to losing your mind). 

“How am I supposed to find anyone- Hey! Yuna!” Grabbing the hands of the said girl, you felt familiarity rush in when she turned to you and gave you a smile.

“Hey, Y/N. You look great. Dressed up for someone special?”

“As if. Have you seen Seungkwan anywhere? I just can’t find him.”

At this she snickered. “Seungkwan? Are you sure you are searching for him?”

You frowned at her. When she saw that you didn’t understand what she was indicating, she smiled at you and beckoned you to come closer. “Are you sure,” she whispered in your ear, the slight smell of alcohol wafting to your nose, “you aren’t looking for Jeonghan?”

You drew back from her sharply, all of a sudden feeling hot. How does she know? Does word travel that fast? Of course it does. When Yuna saw that you didn’t say anything, she let out a laugh and patted your shoulder before pointing at the corner.

Giving her a tight lipped smile, you followed the direction of her finger though you weren’t really sure whether she had pointed to Seungkwan or Jeonghan.

“Thank god!” You exhaled, when you saw Seungkwan and Chan sitting on a couch in the corner of the room, and you quickly slipped in between them. 

“Thank God for what?” Seungkwan asked.

“Nothing. Yuna’s drunk. Where are the others?” You asked, taking a sip of the solo cup Seungkwan had just handed you. You found it odd that it was just Seungkwan, Chan and you here because usually your entire gang of friends used to stick together to have fun at parties.

“Ah, that.” Chan snickered. “Your boyfriend might or might not have caused a little bit of a problem.”

“What? What happened?” You asked, turning your head to look at Seungkwan and Chan alternatively. To say you weren’t concerned would be a lie. And it was definitely not because Jeonghan was your faux boyfriend.

“Er, so Jeonghan might or might not have got his toy sword and wooden hammer with him to the party-” Seungkwan began.

“He got what?”

“You know, his toy sword-”

“I knew about his toy sword but not his wooden hammer.”

“It's for self defence against bad guys at night, apparently.” Chan added, causing you to groan. 

“What happened then?”

“I think someone made some comment about you and he decided as your boyfriend, mind you the entire college knows now, he had to defend your honour. He even gave the opponent his wooden hammer because he wasn’t armed.” Seungkwan finished, calmingly taking a sip of his drink like it was completely natural for Jeonghan to fight for your honour.

You looked at Chan incredulously and he too had the same expression. “He’s joking right?”

“Jeonghan was drunk. Like really, really drunk when it started.”

“How did he get this drunk so quickly?”

“Sweetheart, the party started an hour ago. Not everyone remembers their incomplete inorganic homework five minutes before leaving.” Seungkwan stated, causing you to glare at him.

“So where are the others?”

“Well, the challenge was made just before you came and Jeonghan went upstairs to ‘duel’. Seungcheol, Mingyu, Minghao and  Seokmin followed him upstairs to stop him while the rest followed him to egg on him.”

Chan got up, followed by you and Seungkwan. “We were just waiting for you. I bet your lover boy is dying to see your face.”

“Shut up Chan.” Your face was practically burning by now. But this was what you had wanted, right? To make everyone think you both were a couple? “Please tell me we are going upstairs so that both of you can join the team that stops him and not eggs on him?”

Seungkwan gave you a dirty look. “How low do you think we are? Of course we are going to egg him on.”

“Fucking hate you all.”

Luckily, upstairs wasn’t that crowded but it still took the three of you some pushing around to reach the centre. The scene that met your eyes nearly turned you blood cold. The other guy, you recognised him as a senior from your major, had Jeonghan on his knees as he gripped his shirt collar. He was yelling profanities at Jeonghan, but he was too out to even listen to him. You saw that his lip had split open and his right eye looked bruised.

“Why aren't you stopping him?” You hissed to Seungcheol. You noticed that even though all your friends were there, none of them were cheering for the fight to continue. In fact, they all looked scared now

.

“We can’t. He’s a senior and he said- he said if we stop him then he’s going to hurt Jeonghan more!” Seungcheol himself looked terrified and you gritted your teeth angrily. It was true. If a senior ragged you, there was nothing you could do except accept your fate.

You heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh; loud, and both you and Seungcheol turned to see Jeonghan on the floor, the senior’s hand balled in a fist. At that moment, something snapped inside you and you found yourself walking towards him.

“Y/N, wait-” Seungkwan began worriedly but it was too late. Everything happened so fast but all you vaguely remembered was yanking the senior by hair and landing a slap on his cheeks. Since he was drunk that slap was enough to cause him to lose his balance, and you just shoved him into the ground.

Turning around, you picked up Jeonghan’s sword and hammer before turning to the groaning boy. Gently tugging one arm over your shoulder, you tried pulling him up. It was a bit hard, considering he was drunk and hurt and using you completely as support, but then his weight lightened on you and you turned to see Joshua slinging his other arm around his neck.

“Let me help you.” He muttered. The crowd parted away easily and before you knew it, the three of you were outside. It was a bit hard dragging Jeonghan all the way to the dorm and the only reason you managed to do it was because Joshua was bearing his maximum weight. 

Finally, you reached their room and pulled Jeonghan onto his bed. The two of you sat down beside him, trying to catch your breaths. Glancing at Jeonghan’s resting figure, you felt your heart clench painfully. 

Moonlight streamed into the room, lighting up his face in an almost angelic glow and yet the blows he had received were painfully visible.

“Thank you.” You heard Joshua mutter, and you looked up at him. He too was looking at Jeonghan sadly, as though he had been punched too. Then he looked at you and gave you a soft smile. “Thank you for stepping up.”

“It’s nothing.” You huffed. “I just did what I had to do for a friend. I’m not blaming you guys though!”

“Still. It was a really brave thing to do. But are you sure about that?”

“About what?”

Joshua leaned in until your faces were just a few inches apart. You tried backing away but the headboard hit you and you were left with no space to move. He smirked at you before speaking. 

“Are you sure about Jeonghan being, you know, just a friend?”

You stared at him with your mouth slightly open, slowly thinking of what he had said.

Jeonghan was a friend, right? You had come in terms with him a few days ago and had convinced yourself that he was a friend. You would step into a fight for any of your friends, right?

A groan from beside you interrupted your thoughts and both of you turned to see Jeonghan staring at you with half opened eyes. 

“Y/N.” He whispered your name with a small smile, wincing almost immediately when the cut on his lips stung. His eyes travelled along your body before it landed on Joshua. He frowned at the said man, as though trying to comprehend something.

“Joshua.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

He blinked several times before staring at something between the two of you. Then he tried getting up by propping up his elbows which gave away immediately, causing his head to land on your lap instead. You stiffened at the closeness but figured he was too drunk and hurt to even overthink this situation.

“Why are you two always so close? Everytime I’m gone, the two of you are almost always together.” He sounded almost hurt. You tried making sense of what he meant by that but Joshua just laughed.

Getting up, he said, “I’ll leave the two of you alone. If he tries something, call me. I’ll be in my bedroom. Oh also, try thinking about what I told you before.” Giving you a wink, he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

“What did he tell you?” Jeonghan asked, turning on your lap so that he was facing you now. His hair was sticking to his forehead due to the sweat, the jet black colour appearing almost dark blue under the moonlight. You hissed when you saw his wounds up close, gently brushing his hair away from his face.

He caught your wrist as his eyes fluttered open, staring at you before repeating his question. “What did Joshua tell?”

“Nothing, you idiot. Jeonghan, why the hell did you get into a fight? Do you know where you keep your medicines? I’ll get them-”

“No.” His grip on your hand tightened as he brought it over his chest, clasping it with his both hands now. “He made fun of you.”

Maybe it was the way he said it with so much hurt in his voice or maybe it was the way he looked like a prince underneath the moonlight, but you felt your breath catch your throat. Your heart gave a painful squeeze and then stuttered, as you watched his gentle features stare back at you softly.

It felt like time had stopped as you stared at Yoon Jeonghan lying on your lap, realising how beautiful he was. And no, it wasn’t like the other times you had realised it. This time, it felt painful, as though he had sucked out all your breath and had caused your heart to swell with this overwhelming emotion. 

It made you feel good, and you felt yourself craving for that feeling more.

“That doesn’t mean you’ll get into a fight with everyone. Look how hurt you are, Hannie.” You whispered softly. To be honest you weren’t sure why you were whispering, but as you gently stroked his hair with your free hand, it felt right talking to him softly.

He let out a harsh breath as he slowly raised on hand towards your face, causing you to freeze. You felt his fingers ghost your lips, and you almost leaned in to feel his touch. You felt your stomach lurch when your eyes met his, that feeling in your heart growing stronger as he refused to touch you yet.

“Love it when you call me that.” His voice had dropped an octave, and you nearly let out a squeak at his sudden sultry voice. Finally, you felt his long slender fingers grasp at your chin and his thumb brushed against your lips, giving you the contact your body was almost burning for. Your eyes fluttered close as he gently ran his thumb over your lips. “Love it so much I would give up ‘most everything to get you to call me that.”

You are drunk. He’s even more drunk. What do you think you are doing?

Your eyes snapped open at that realisation and you jerked away from his touch, his hand just falling limply to his side.

“We are drunk, Han- Jeonghan. We shouldn’t- I shouldn’t be doing this to you.” You told him as softly as you could, gently sliding his head off your lap onto the pillow. He had fallen asleep and now the only sound in the room that could be heard was his breathing; and the abnormally loud hammering of your heart. 

Slowly, you covered him with his blanket and kept his toy sword and hammer beside him before you snuck out of his room. Then closing the door behind you, you rested your back against it, taking a moment to catch your breath and calm down your racing heart.

If you weren’t sure about it before, you definitely were now. It was glaringly obvious to you, no matter how much you tried to push your feelings away.

You were in love with Yoon Jeonghan. 

It’s fine. You thought to yourself. I just need to pretend I don’t have feelings for him until tomorrow. Once we go about our own ways, I can bawl my eyes out to Seungkwan.

“Miss?” The maid asked cautiously, and you looked at her annoyed, silently asking her to go on. “Your escort, Mr. Yoon, is here.” 

Wordlessly you got up, glancing at the mirror one last time to check your gloves and hair. Annoyance creeped into your features when you realised it didn’t even matter actually. Then you walked out of your house, making sure you shut the door behind you with a bang.

Walking out into the garden of your parent’s manor, you saw Jeonghan waiting for you, leaning against the limousine. His face broke into a grin when he saw you approaching, but it faltered when he realised you weren’t exactly smiling back at him.

“Hey.” He said, as he opened the door for you to enter.

“Hi.” You said curtly, bunching up your gown in the most careless manner and getting in the car, shutting the door before he could. He wordlessly got in through the other side, indicating the chauffeur to start.

A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke.

“Is…something wrong?”

You turned to glare at him, expecting him to look annoyed at your annoying attitude. Or even confused. But instead, he looked concerned.

Immediately you felt bad at being angry at him for something he didn’t even do. 

No. It wasn’t that you felt bad, it was more like his worried look had thrown you off your anger, feeling tears sting your eyes instead now.

“You can tell me about it. Or you don’t have to. But I’m all ears, anytime you need me.” Gently, he took your hands in his and gave it a squeeze, smiling at you softly. 

“I- Just- You look good today.” You choked out, trying to change the subject without looking too pathetic in front of him. How down bad were you for him that one worried glance caused you to break the dam of emotion that had been building up since morning.

But it was true. He did look good. The suit made him look more ethereal, and it did nothing to stop your heart from accelerating at that speed. 

His lips pulled into a smile, You noticed that his lips had almost healed, and the cut couldn’t really be seen unless you stared at it (which you definitely weren’t; because why would you stare at him?) 

“What can I say? I’m so pretty that I look good at everything.”

“Or I have a great choice of clothing.”

Jeonghan laughed and counter argued, but you were too busy staring at the way he laughed to listen to his banter. The way he displayed his teeth every time he smiled and the way his eyes crinkled at the corner when he laughed seemed to be pulling at your heartstrings. And the fact that he was gently rubbing circles on your hand with his thumb, sending electricity through your arm.

“I could help lighten whatever’s causing a frown on that pretty face of yours.”

His flirty comment brought you back to the present, quickly turning your head away to stare at the buildings speeding past the two of you instead. You felt the bitterness come back but it was much less than before as Jeonghan had helped you feel much light hearted.

“You’ll see once you reach there.” You muttered, and through the corner of your eyes you saw Jeonghan nod. The car came to a halt in front of a mansion, indicating that you had arrived at your destination.

“Y/N this is your last chance.” Jeonghan said. You blinked at him in confusion. “This is your last chance to change your partner to Joshua.”

Suppressing the laughter threatening to escape from you, you pretended to think. “Well…so far it’s still a no. But if I see Shua looks more handsome than you…then well, I can’t guarantee you I’ll be sleeping with you tonight.”

There was a rule of elite parties that required couples to sleep in for the night, which was why you had wanted to choose a familiar face in the first place.

Jeonghan pouted at you and you laughed, but immediately caught yourself when you felt your heart flutter. You couldn’t let this feeling grow. The two of you were just actors in a play and actors could never fall in love with each other.

Two of you walked over to your assigned room and only then did you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. You had met just a few people on your way here and the two of you had responded to all of them with small smiles, and you were greatly aware of Jeonghan’s arm around your waist.

“What do you want to do now?” Jeonghan, already lying down on the double bed. You narrowed your eyes as he kicked off his shoes and wrapped the blanket around himself. “What?” He asked when he saw you. “I’m tired, okay? Just wake me up half an hour before the party starts so that I can look a bit more presentable.”

“Okay? I, uh, I’m just going to look around, okay?” Saying that, you switched off the light for him and slipped out, wondering where you should go next. You vaguely remembered a fountain in one of the gardens from the one time you had come here with your parents and decided to search for it.

It took you some time but eventually (after a lot of checking through balconies whether it was the correct side of the garden) you managed to find it. But as you reached there, you saw someone already seated on its edges. You couldn't make out who it was, so you decided to leave. You stopped on your tracks and took a step back, only to step on a twig.

The twig snapped with a loud thwack! which was heard loud and clear in the silent garden. The boy sitting turned to look at you, his expression changing from shock to happiness as he recognised you.

“Y/N.” Joshua greeted you, patting at the stone beside him. “Come and join me.”

Knowing you were trapped, you had no other option but to go and sit down beside him. Not that you didn’t like his companion but you really didn’t want to lash out your anger at another innocent soul.

“Hi.”

“You look pretty.” Joshua commented, to which you just smiled. The words that he had told you yesterday seemed to ring in your head now. Did he mean this? About your feelings towards Jeonghan?

“Joshua?” You asked, clearing your throat. “Yesterday…what did you mean by that?”

“It’s no fun if I tell you. Did you think about it?” The familiar mischievous glint was back in his eyes. 

“I did…a little.”

“Then you know what I’m talking about-”

“I don’t like him.” You cut him off and then upon seeing his amused look, you added, “Not in that way. He’s just a friend who agreed to help me. I don’t have feelings for him at all.” 

“Well…everyone can tell you both are perfect for each other. No one even doubts for a second that the two of you aren’t.”

You just sighed, fluttering your eyes close as you let the night breeze calm you down a little. It’s okay. You thought to yourself. Everything will be okay once he isn’t pretending to be your boyfriend anymore. Once he is gone, these feelings would go too.

Yes. That was it. Maybe you were too immersed in your role of pretending and had let your emotions take control of you. Maybe you had thought that pretending to have feelings for him would make this much easier on both of you.

A small part of you kept screaming that lying to yourself won’t change this situation, but that didn’t stop you from saying your next line as you opened your eyes to look at the man sitting next to you with a smile.

“There’s nothing between the two of us. We are just…tryna do what lovers do.” 

You remembered how Jeonghan had used you as a scapegoat to turn down Miyeon. Yes, that was the main purpose, wasn’t it? This whole relationship was built on a lie, just meant to be used and thrown for such situations.

“Joshua? Y/N?”

You froze at the familiar voice and judging from Joshua's expression, even he wasn’t expecting it. You turned back to see Jeonghan looking at the two of you. He was smiling but there was something off about it. 

Joshua got up and walked up to him, before leaning in to whisper something in Jeonghan’s ear. Then waving you a goodbye, he walked off, leaving you and Jeonghan all alone. Jeonghan came and sat down beside you, though he maintained a little distance.

“Did you- did you overhear our conversation?” You asked, confused at this sudden change in behaviour.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “What’s there to overhear? I already know that. I already know that we are doing this for show.” He spoke curtly and you frowned.

Did you hurt him by any chance? But what you said was the truth, right?

“Are you okay? Did I say something?”

He let out a hollow laugh, before forcing a smile at you. “No, it’s not you. It’s all my fault really. It’s all my fault that this is happening and I’m sorry about it.”

“Jeonghan, you are acting weird.”

“Says the one who wouldn’t explain why she’s been mad the entire evening.”

“It’s my parents, okay?” You snapped, getting up and standing in front of him. He seemed taken aback by this sudden outburst but at this point, you really didn’t care. “They aren’t even coming today! All this drama I went through, all this stupid worry I had in my head at the end of the day meant nothing! I only agreed to come to this party because my parents would have been there but of course they decided to go to Switzerland today itself without telling me! 

I wouldn’t have even bothered asking you to be my escort if it weren’t for them. We would have been leading our own lives quietly but now I'm in this mess with you because of this stupid party! It’s so hard to play pretend that sometimes I just wish you would disappear!”

The last line slipped out of your mouth before you had even realised and you only stopped yourself when you saw Jeonghan’s expression.

You had stepped out of the line.

“I- I- Okay, I didn’t mean you to disappear! I mean, not because of that.”

Jeonghan wordlessly got up, his face all of a sudden so cold that you almost could hear your heart break. How could you do this? How could you do this to him? His eyes which usually used to hold a million emotions that you would associate with happiness were now empty as they stared back at you with contempt.

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost immediately, as though figuring out it was better to keep quiet than argue with you.

“I see. Well, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable Y/N. I’ll leave for now but don’t worry, I’ll still pretend to be your escort for today. And then you don’t need to hang out with me that much in college. A week later, or wherever you feel like you don’t need me at all, we’ll just break up. Okay? I’m sorry for everything. Like I said, it’s all my fault.”

With that he walked away from you, your attempt to grab his sleeves fruitless.

“Jeonghan, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” You yelled after him, but he didn’t look back at you even once. “I’m sorry, Jeonghan! I really am!”

You felt tears sliding down your cheeks as the frustration that had been building up finally broke through you. 

“Yoon Jeonghan! Do you even remember what happened yesterday?”

At this he stopped and turned back to you. His mouth fell open at your teary face but he didn’t take a single step to approach you.

“I’m asking you! Do you even remember what happened yesterday?”

He looked unsure how to answer that. After a while, he took a gulp and replied a soft ‘no’.

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears continue to flow. 

It hurt. It hurt so much that you wished your heart would stop beating. Maybe then, you would stop loving Jeonghan. Maybe then you would be able to move on from this relationship easily.

“What happened? Did I do-”

“Just leave, Hannie. Just leave.”

You saw him wince when you called him that but by now you were too tired to care, opting to sink onto the ground instead of dealing with what was in front of you. 

It had been a week. Exactly a week without texts, a week without meeting up with Jeonghan unless it was your entire friend group, a week without holding hands and a week until you finally called him.

You had thought that maybe doing all of this would completely remove him from your head, that it would be much easier to move on by pretending that your feelings were because of being so close to him.

But if anything, your love for Yoon Jeonghan had seemed to grow. He was the only thing in your mind constantly as you thought about his antics and jokes. You missed his smile and the way he would hold your hands gently. You missed everything about Jeonghan but there was nothing you could do about it, especially not after how the two of you had very obviously fucked up your friendship (neither of you had even attended the party after that; the two of you just claimed that you were tired and left).

Not that anyone even noticed. Everyone still thought you two were a couple, and it took all of your willpower not to burst into tears whenever someone mentioned Jeonghan in front of you. Of course, Seungkwan knew. And you were sure Joshua knew too. But apart from that, no one had even questioned why the air seemed so stale whenever the two of you were together.

Which brought you to your present call.

“Hello?” A groggy voice on the other side of the line had you nearly jumping off your bed, as you grabbed the phone delicately near your ear, as though you might have been hearing things.

“Uh, hi. It’s me, Y/N.” Your heart still raced at the sound of his voice and you hoped you didn’t sound as squeaky as a twelve year old talking to their crush for the first time.

A pause.

Then he chuckled. “I know, I can see your caller ID.” 

Jeonghan had acted nonchalantly with you in front of everyone, like you hadn't just hurt his feelings by asking him to disappear. But you had thought that maybe he would be different when the two of you were alone, cold and distant since you had practically thrown his kindness onto his face.

“Hahah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I forgot.” You muttered, embarrassed at the way you were acting. Your cheeks were feeling hot and you were glad that he couldn’t see you know.

“So what do you want?”

The words were like a slap to you, but you knew very well that you deserved that. That’s what your relationship had boiled down to. Just to fulfil each other’s needs.

“Um, my parents know about us.” You muttered.

“What?” He asked, as though he hadn’t heard you clearly the first time. You could hear the slight rise in his voice.

“My parents…they know about us and…you know how dating is in our world. They think I’m seeing you as a potential life partner for later on.”

“Do you want me to come over?” He asked softly, and something inside you broke.

“I- I- don't know what to do Hannie.” you felt tears stream down your cheeks. “I don't want you to think that I’m using you, not after what I told you. I shouldn’t even be asking you to cover for me anymore. I hate myself for that so much. But I really don’t know what to tell my parents-”

“Hey.” He hushed you. “I’ll be there, okay? When do you want me to come over?”

“Can you- can you come over for lunch?”

“I’ll be there for sometime before lunch then. Just wait a little, okay?” 

True to his word, Jeonghan showed up to your house half an hour before lunch time. The minute your maids had informed you that he was here, you had rushed downstairs to pull him into your bedroom without your parents noticing.

Locking the door behind you, you leaned your back against it to catch your breath. Your eyes flicked up to meet his worried ones, and you felt the familiar warmth rush back to your chest. 

“Jeonghan I-” You began but stopped when he held your hand that was clutching his sleeves. You thought he was trying to remove it but instead clasped it in his both hands. The huge apology that you had prepared in your head vanished, and all you could was stare at him with tears pricking your eyes once more.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” You whispered, your voice almost broken. Finding yourself alone with him for the first time after the incident seemed to have done something to you. All you could think of was getting him back. “I’m so sorry for all the things I told you.”

He stared at you for a few seconds, before dropping his eyes to your entwined hands. “It’s fine. It’s my fault you felt like that-”

“I wanted you to disappear because everytime I’m with you, I feel like I’m failing to just pretend you are my boyfriend.” You cut him off, taking a step closer to him. Your toes were now brushing each other’s and he looked up at you confused, as though he could not believe what he had just heard.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “I know- I know that you might hate me after this because I’m- because I’m just misusing your goodness. But I’m in love with you Hannie. I like you so much that it drove me crazy trying to keep things the way it was between us. I had hoped maybe that after our fight I would forget you but instead I kept wanting you more. And I hated the fact that I hurt you. I hated-”

“Shh.” He whispered, taking both of your hands in his. He jerked you closer to him, until your noses were just a few inches apart. You were so close to him that you could smell the cologne lingering on him and see the black flecks in his soft brown eyes. His warm gaze was turning your knees to putty and you grasped his hand more tightly to steady yourself. “Don’t- Don’t ever say that, okay? Because I love you so much I can’t bear to see you crumbling like this, hating yourself for something that wasn’t even your fault. I love you so much that it’s okay if you don’t want me if I’m hurting you or making you uncomfortable.”

Taking a deep breath in harshly, you blinked at him as you tried to clear your brain.

Jeonghan…loved you too. He loved you.

When you didn’t say anything, Jeonghan covered the little distance between the two of you by pressing his lips against yours. You felt yourself melt into his touch, hands now clutching his biceps to steady yourself.

He pushed you against the door to press against your body better, his hands squeezing your hips gently. Jeonghan’s lips were soft against yours, kissing you feverishly as though you might disappear if he stopped to even catch his breath. 

You felt all rational thoughts leave your body when your teeth accidentally grazed against his lower lip, causing him to groan in your mouth. One hand cupped your cheek, tilting your face to get better access to your lips. 

His frantic kisses moved towards your ears, starting from the corner of your lip, to your cheek and finally to the soft skin right below your ear.

“Hannie.” You whispered softly, gripping his hair tightly as he sucked on the soft skin, kissing, biting and licking the same spot. You realised that the only thing supporting your jelly legs was the door and his grip on your waist, but you couldn’t even tell him to stop because of the euphoric feeling in your heart.

God, you loved him so, so much.

You tugged at his hair gently, causing him to stop doing what he was doing to look at you, and you threw your arms around his neck to pull him into a hug. He didn’t even falter for a second and immediately wrapped his arm around you, engulfing you in his warmth.

“I love it when you call me Hannie.” He whispered, kissing your ear softly. You felt yourself smile, giving him a squeeze as you felt your heart might explode out of happiness. 

“And I love you.”

Pulling away from him, you mirrored his smile, his soft gaze making you feel giddy like always. “But Hannie..” You began, and he cut you off with a quick kiss on your lips. 

“Hmmm?”

“I had really wanted to dance with you that day.”

“Is that so?” He hummed, his eyes shining with the familiar devilish glint. “Then should we dance after I tell your parents you are officially my girlfriend?”

A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!    

© 𝐆𝐘𝐔-𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑  

#╼ 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 #╼ 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐍𝐀 𝐃𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 #jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan x reader #seventeen x reader #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #seventeen #svt x reader #jeonghan x you #jeonghan x y/n #yoon jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan x y/n #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan angst #yoon jeonghan fluff #yoon jeonghan angst #jeonghan fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen fanfic

[penaalmujahidah]

Cerita Ramadan

"Dunia Kita Bukan untuk Dibandingkan"

Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah mengajarkan banyak hal kepada hamba-Nya, termasuk kemampuan berbicara di depan umum.

Alhamdulillah kemarin Allah mampukan aku untuk berbagi di acara pengajian ibu-ibu yang diadakan di Nurul Fikri Boarding School Serang. Awalnya aku sempat merasa ragu untuk mengambil kesempatan yang ditawarkan salah satu guruku. Namun, karena memang pemateri yang sebelumnya sudah ditentukan qodarullah tidak bisa hadir, mau tidak mau aku harus menggantikannya. Padahal siapalah aku? Hanya anak kemarin sore yang ilmunya masih sangat dangkal.

Tapi aku selalu teringat perkataan guruku di SMA dulu, "nahnu du'at qobla kulli syaii" kita adalah seorang da'i sebelum menjadi apa pun. Dengan bismillah aku beranikan untuk mengiyakan.

Alhamdulillah Allah bimbing setiap prosesnya.

Setelah acara selesai, sorenya, salah satu temanku mengirim pesan padaku,

Her : Aku nyesel banget gak hadir ke acara tadi.

Me : Oh, tak kira ukhtii tadi ada. Ana gak ngeuh soalnya. ◡̈

Her : engga ukh, anak-anakku lagi engga kondusif. tadi temen-temen ngajiku pada ceritain ukhtii..

Me : oh iya ukh gak apa2.. in syaa Allah masih bisa ketemu di lain waktu. Hehe. Emang pada cerita gimana?

Her : banyak pokoknya ukh, cerita kalo maa syaa Allah banget materinya. Pada kagum soalnya masih muda tapi ilmunya maa syaa Allah.. alhamdulillah pada termotivasi katanya.

Me : oh maa syaa Allah.. haadzaa min fadhli rabbii. Ana juga masih harus banyak belajar.

Her : semalem ada ibu-ibu cerita tentang ukhti, aku auto terharu yaa dengernya. Inget pas zaman SMA dulu.. andai aja nasibku sebagus ukhty.

Me : Ukhtyy juga bagus nasibnya ukh.. gak ada yg buruk dr nasib yang sudah Allah atur.

Kita semua berperan di medan masing2 ukhtyy.. ukhtyy perannya sebagai ibu dan istri yg baik, dan in Allah pahalanya banyak. ❤️

Kalimat "andai aja nasibku sebagus ukhty" membuatku merasa tidak enak.

Entah maksudnya bagaimana, tapi aku tidak setuju dengan kalimatnya yang seolah memandang nasibnya tidak baik.

Temanku menikah saat usia 19 tahun, dan sekarang sudah dikaruniai tiga orang anak. Membaca pesannya, membuat aku bertanya-tanya, "apa yang membuat dirinya merasa tidak beruntung? Sementara dia sudah menikah, memiliki suami yang menjadi perisai dirinya dari api neraka, memiliki anak yang jika dia sabar mengurusnya menjadikan dirinya mudah untuk masuk surga. Separuh agamanya telah terpenuhi, dan separuhnya lagi tinggal disempurnakan dengan ketaatan yang dia lakukan. Sementara aku di usia segini masih saja sendiri, padahal sudah dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya niat untuk menikah. Namun, apalah daya, Allah belum berkehendak untuk itu. Aku hanya berusaha untuk mengoptimalkan potensi yang Allah beri, sembari terus berusaha meraba takdir dengan sabar dan syukur. Meskipun ada kalanya aku berputus asa."

Begitulah kita sebagai manusia, selalu melihat apa yang ada pada orang lain sebagai sesuatu yang indah. Padahal apa yang ada pada dirinya juga indah.

Betapa sering aku saksikan orang yang saling memandang hingga lupa akan karunia Allah pada dirinya. Yang menikah ingin lajang kembali, yang lajang ingin segera menikah. Yang punya anak merasa kesulitan untuk mengurusnya, yang belum punya anak ingin segera memiliki anak.

Dan lagi, rata-rata teman-temanku yang sudah menikah lebih dulu merasa dirinya tidak produktif karena hanya menjadi seorang ibu rumah tangga. Sebelum mereka menikah, mereka adalah aktivis di sekolah dan kampusnya. Lalu saat melihat teman yang seumuran dengannya, yang belum menikah masih berjibaku dengan berbagai projek kebaikan, dia merasa ingin kembali ke masa itu, dan merasa bahwa temannya itu sangat beruntung. Padahal bisa jadi, POV temannya justru memandang dia yang lebih beruntung. Bisa menikah muda tanpa harus menunggu bertahun-tahun, tanpa harus gagal menemukan, bisa dengan mudah memiliki anak, fokus menjadi ibu, dll.

Kita hidup di dunia bukan untuk mengadu nasib dan saling membandingkan siapa yang lebih sengsara atau lebih beruntung. Namun, kita hidup untuk bersyukur atas apa-apa yang bisa kita nikmati saat ini. Karena setiap dari kita memiliki sisi bahagia dan sedihnya masing-masing. Kita sama-sama diuji untuk sabar dan diberi nikmat untuk bersyukur, tapi dengan bentuk yang berbeda.

Allah tidak mungkin salah dalam menakar takdir. Hanya kita saja yang tidak pandai mengukur, sehingga merasa tidak beruntung saat melihat orang lain.

Apa pun yang saat ini kita jalani, syukuri itu. Semoga dengan syukur itu Allah memberikan kenikmatan untuk merasa cukup. Sehingga tidak lagi mengharapkan apa yang ada pada orang lain.

#penaalmujahidah #inspirasi #cerita ramadan

[dooddlehen]

Money, Pain and Love Chapter 1

Cast: Lee Jeno - Jonathan Atmadja Na Jaemin - James Hartono Karina - Jane Widjaja Winter - Michelle Salim Additional Cast:

Minji - Maureen Atmadja (Adik Jonathan) Lee Donghae - Daniel Atmadja (Papa Jonathan) Tiffany - Tiffany Atmadja (Mama Jonathan) Nam Gong Min - Gerald Hartono (Papa James) Baekhyun - Bryan Salim (Papa Michelle)

Taeyeon - Tiana Salim (Mama Michelle)

Kim Seo Jin - Serena Widjaja (Mama Jane)

(Foto Sekolah British Academy Jakarta)

Di tengah gemerlap kota Jakarta yang semarak, berdiri sebuah sekolah yang menjadi simbol kekayaan dan kemewahan, British Academy Jakarta. Ini adalah sekolah internasional termahal di Jakarta, di mana anak-anak yang bersekolah di sini hidup dalam dunia tanpa batas. Mereka adalah anak-anak dari keluarga kaya raya, yang tidak hanya memiliki harta benda, tetapi juga kebebasan untuk melampaui batasan yang biasa.

Di sekolah ini, aturan dan hukum terasa seperti hal yang bisa dilewati dengan mudah. Para murid, dikelilingi oleh kemewahan dan kenyamanan, telah terbiasa hidup tanpa kendala. Mereka tidak pernah merasakan kekhawatiran tentang akibat dari tindakan mereka, karena uang dan pengaruh keluarga mereka memberikan kekebalan yang tampaknya tak terbatas.

Namun, dengan kebebasan yang tidak terbatas ini, muncul juga kecenderungan berbahaya. Para murid ini sering terjerumus ke dalam aktivitas-aktivitas yang melampaui batas-batas etika dan hukum. Mereka menggunakan kekayaan mereka untuk memuaskan nafsu mereka yang tidak terpuaskan, tanpa memikirkan konsekuensi yang mungkin mereka hadapi.

Mereka merencanakan pesta liar, menciptakan kekacauan di tempat-tempat umum, dan bahkan terlibat dalam tindakan kriminal yang lebih serius. Mereka bermain dengan api, lupa bahwa nyala api yang mereka nyalakan dapat membakar semua yang mereka miliki.

Sekolah internasional ini seolah menjadi tanah kebebasan dan kegilaan bagi anak-anak kaya ini. Mereka hidup dalam gelembung yang terisolasi, di mana konsekuensi nyata dan tanggung jawab tampaknya tidak pernah menemui mereka. Namun, kehidupan ini yang dijalani tanpa batasan juga berarti mereka berjalan di tepi jurang, dengan petaka siap mengintai setiap sudut yang mereka eksplorasi.

Inilah cerita sekolah internasional termahal di Jakarta British Academy, di mana murid-muridnya hidup dalam dunia tanpa hukum. Kebebasan dan kekayaan memberikan mereka kemampuan untuk bergerak tanpa batas, tetapi dengan konsekuensi yang tidak dapat mereka hindari.

Murid: (Berteriak sambil berlarian) "Oi, guys! Gue ada berita gede, loh! Kevin ketangkep polisi!"

Jonathan: (Tertabrak dan ngeliatin tajem ke murid itu) "Ah, sialan, lo tuh buta apa? Ngeliat gue enggak, sih?"

Murid: (Ngemis ampun) "Maap, Jon, beneran enggak sengaja nabrak lo. Tolong, ampuni gue, deh."

Jonathan: (Mau nyetak murid itu)

James: (Dateng sambil nyengir) "Haha, Jon! Santai santai gausah mukul."

Jonathan: (Masam muka) "Kevin kenapa sih?"

James: "Dia tuh viral di Twitter, bro, soalnya dia hajar security guard di club terkenal kemaren. Trus polisi manggil dia."

Jonathan: (Keningnya berkerut) "Ya karena viral doang kan baru di panggil?"

James: (Nyengir gede) "Ya iyalah kalo gak viral juga gak di cari, eh minggir lo balik ke kelas."

Murid: (Ikhlas cabut) "Makasih, James. Sorry once again Jon."

Jonathan: (Ceguk napas dan pergi) "Ada ada aja kelakuan tuh anak."

James: "Biasalah OKB, keluarga nya baru punya duit dikit aja belagu."

Jonathan: (Ngekek) "Haha, pantesan dia kemaren telepon gue 20 kali jam 3 pagi, ternyata minta bantuan gue."

James: (Ngakak lalu peluk Jonathan sambil jalan ke kelas) "Haha, serius? Ngapain si Kevin tuh. Kemaren malem gue diajak clubbing sama dia, tapi gara-gara dia OKB, gue enggak mau ikut."

Jonathan: Bagus deh. Pinter juga lo.

Di British Academy Jakarta, fenomena murid yang viral di Twitter dan dipanggil polisi karena kasusnya yang menjadi perbincangan adalah hal yang biasa, tetapi pemanggilan polisi tersebut hanyalah sandiwara semata. Setelah itu, mereka dibebaskan dan berita tentangnya pun tenggelam begitu saja. Jonathan Atmadja dan James Hartono, sebagai pewaris kekayaan lama atau Old Money, melihat murid-murid British Academy seperti ini sebagai hiburan semata, karena mereka telah menjalani pelatihan media dan tahu betul bagaimana berperilaku di hadapan publik, meski di balik layar mereka tak kalah nakalnya.

-

Setelah makan siang selesai waktu nya jam pelajaran kimia tiba, Jonathan dan James merasa malas untuk mengikuti kelas tersebut. Mereka merasa bosan dengan pelajaran yang sudah mereka kuasai dengan baik. Maka, mereka memutuskan untuk mencari kesenangan lain. Tidak jauh dari kelas Kimia, terdapat gedung archery sekolah. Mereka melihat ini sebagai kesempatan untuk bermain dan menghilangkan kebosanan.

Tanpa ragu, Jonathan dan James meninggalkan kelas Kimia dan menuju gedung archery dengan senyum di wajah mereka. Mereka merasa puas karena merasa bisa melakukan apa pun yang mereka inginkan tanpa adanya konsekuensi.

Ketika mereka tiba di gedung archery, mereka segera mengambil busur dan anak panah. Mereka saling melempar senyum penuh kemenangan sebelum mulai membidik sasaran dengan penuh semangat. Mereka melepaskan anak panah dengan keahlian yang mereka miliki, dan anak panah itu mengenai sasaran dengan sempurna. Tetapi itu semua adalah kesenangan sementara karena

Michelle: Kak James! Lagi ngapain di sini, skip kelas gitu?

James: Haha, tenang aja, chelle. Santai dong! Lagian, kelas Kimia itu garing banget, mendingan kita main-main di sini.

Michelle: (Mengambil busur dari tangan James) Aku gak suka ya kak. Ini bukan waktu buat main-main, kita harus disiplin sama aturan sekolah!

James: (Sambil senyum-senyum genit) Aduh gimana nih kamu tuh imut banget pas marah gitu. Gak usah kesel dong, aku makin cinta.

Jonathan: NAJIS

Michelle: (Emosi sambil menarik baju James) Sumpah, kita balik ke kelas sekarang juga!

James: (Ikut-ikutan genit) iya sayang.

Michelle: (Menghela nafas kesal) now kak! jangan ngundur ngundur.

James: (Sambil mengekor Michelle) Iya sayang

Michelle: (Menggeleng kesal) Kamu juga kak Jon! Jangan sampe Jane dateng dia baru kelar dari kelas Math nanti pas lewatin kelas kimia dia bakalan sadar gak ada kakak!

Jonathan: (Melempar busur nya) OH SHIT!

Michelle dan Jane adalah adik kelas Jonathan dan James. Hubungan asmara antara Michelle dan James telah berlangsung selama 2 tahun. Keduanya saling mengenal sejak kecil karena kedekatan keluarga mereka. Keluarga James merupakan pemilik rumah sakit ternama dengan lebih dari 50 cabang di Indonesia, sementara keluarga Michelle adalah distributor dan memiliki pabrik obat yang memproduksi obat-obatan di Indonesia. Namun, hubungan mereka baru berkembang menjadi lebih dari sekadar pertemanan saat mengikuti orientasi murid di sekolah.

Sementara itu, Jane dan Jonathan telah menjalin hubungan asmara sejak tahun lalu. Karena Jane adalah sahabat Michelle, ia sering ikut ketika Michelle dan James berkumpul. James juga sering membawa Jonathan, sehingga Jane dan Jonathan mulai saling tertarik satu sama lain. Keluarga mereka juga tidak kalah terkenal dan berpengaruh. Keluarga Jane memiliki bisnis properti dan merupakan pemilik bangunan terbanyak di Indonesia, sedangkan keluarga Jonathan berbisnis di sektor batu bara.

Dalam keluarga-keluarga mereka yang berpengaruh dan memiliki kekayaan melimpah, hubungan asmara antara Michelle dan James, serta Jane dan Jonathan, menjadi semacam persatuan antara dua kekuatan. Mereka saling mendukung dan memahami satu sama lain, mengikuti jejak keluarga mereka yang sukses. Makadari itu mereka di sebut Power Couple British Academy, semua orang iri dengan hubungan mereka. Namun, di balik kekayaan dan keistimewaan mereka, tetap ada tantangan dan perjalanan cinta yang harus dihadapi.

#dooddlehenstory #dooddlehen

[gdsmonoton]

Ruang di Sudut Pikiran (12)

Halo? Lama tidak mampir ke RDSP dan menuliskan perasaanku, mungkin karena itu kepalaku jadi lebih berisik akhir-akhir ini.

Aku kembali dengan bahasan sesuatu yang berkaitan dengan salah satu track album D-Day (Trilogi AgustD), yaitu: AMYGDALA.

Um, aku cuma mau bercerita experience mendengarkan lagu AMYGDALA dan menyampaikan apa yang aku tangkap dari salah satu masterpiece dari seorang Min Yoongi ini.

Lagu ini mungkin jadi salah satu comfort song bagi banyak ARMY, kemungkinan juga menjadi salah satu lagu yang mungkin dihindari karena memancing semua hal kurang mengenakan dari masa lalu.

Aku pribadi menjadikan lagu AMYGDALA sebagai comfort song yang bisa membuat aku merasa kalau aku gak sendirian mengalami hal sulit di muka bumi.

Sulit sekali mendapatkan teman bercerita ketika usia kita semakin dewasa. Seakan kesepian akan menjadi teman setia di usia 20 tahun ke atas. Banyak hal baik dan buruk yang aku lewati di masa lalu, tetapi memori buruk bersemayam lebih lekat dibandingkan memori-memori baik.

Amigdala merupakan salah satu bagian dari sistem limbik yang berbentuk seperti kacang almond, yang berada di sebelah hippocampus dan memiliki fungsi utama mengatur respons emosional, seperti perasaan bahagia, takut, marah, dan cemas. Selain itu, Amigdala juga berperan mengaitkan emosional dengan ingatan—menentukan seberapa kuat ingatan itu untuk disimpan. [Pusat Jurnal Ilmiah UMA, (Sistem Limbik yang Berperan Penting dalam Fungsi Otak), https://pji.uma.ac.id/index.php/2021/12/16/sistem-limbik-yang-berperan-penting-dalam-fungsi-otak/, (diakses: 29 Mei 2023 pukul 23:10 WIB)]

Dalam lagunya, Yoongi (Aka SUGA BTS, aka AGUSTD) menceritakan berbagai rentetan memori buruknya di masa lalu. Bagaimana ia merasakan cemas dan ketakukan, lalu mencoba melawannya hingga ia bisa bertahan sampai saat ini.

Musik menyampaikan pesan tersirat, dan aku menangkap bahwa Yoongi ingin orang-orang yang mendengarkan AMYGDALA menyadari bahwa mereka tidak sendirian di dunia ini, bahwa mereka hebat karena dapat bertahan sejauh ini dari segala rasa sakit pada masa lalu.

Aku biasa mendengarkan lagu AMYGDALA ketika di malam hari aku merasa kesulitan untuk tertidur. Waktu tersebut cukup pas untuk aku memulai sesi berbincang dengan diriku sendiri, meluapkan segala perasaan sedih dan ketakutan yang tak pernah bisa aku ungkapkan pada siapapun.

Sambil melakukan butterfly hug, terkadang aku tidak sadar kalau aku sudah menangis tanpa suara hanya beberapa detik dari setelah aku mendengarkan lagu AMYGDALA.

Aku terlalu tidak percaya pada orang-orang yang kutemui, setiap hari ada kekhawatiran mengenai apakah aku bisa percaya dengan orang ini? Ataukah tidak? Dan lagu AMYGDALA seolah hadir menjadi teman berbincangku bersama diriku sendiri di malam hari.

Aku bisa melakukan pengeratan hubungan dengan diriku sendiri, memahami 'anak kecil' dalam diriku yang mungkin masih belum menerima segala luka masa lalu, juga bersyukur—sebab aku bertahan, sebab aku mampu mengendalikan segala ketakutanku dan berdiri kokoh hingga saat ini.

Kadang aku berpikir, apakah aku bisa menghilangkan segala rasa sakit hatiku? Segala memori buruk yang tertanam di otakku, apakah aku bisa menghapusnya? Tetapi, akhirnya aku mencoba memahami bahwa satu-satunya yang bisa aku lakukan adalah mencoba untuk berdamai dengan masa lalu.

Memang sulit sekali, buktinya aku masih sering menangis jika mengingatnya. Masih sering menyalahi beberapa keadaan yang tidak bisa diubah, dan menjadi khawatir tak berujung. Tetapi, kita juga tidak bisa selamanya tenggelam di dalamnya.

Ada banyak hal yang dapat menjadi alasan mengapa kita harus bertahan lebih lama lagi. Di mulai dari hal sekecil ingin menikmati berbagai macam jajanan kaki lima, ingin berkeliling tempat wisata, melukis, melihat matahari terbit dan terbenam, dll.

Seberat apapun memori buruk masa kecil menghantui, sesakit apapun luka masa kecil yang tertoreh, kita harus tetap memiliki welas asih pada diri kita sendiri, menghargai hadirnya diri sendiri, dan menyadari bahwa kehidupan kita sangat berarti.

Hal-hal yang tidak kita inginkan terjadi di masa lalu, hal-hal yang berada di luar kendali kita, tidak pernah kita minta dan diharapkan terjadi. Tetapi pilihan terbaik adalah bertahan.

Karena suatu saat kita akan menemukan rasa haru, sebab kita tidak memilih untuk menyudahi kehidupan, sebelum waktunya selesai.

-gds_monoton.

#gdsmonoton #books & libraries #myamygdala #ruangdisudutpikiranku #lifelessons #positive affirmations

[puspadwin]

Allaah itu Maha Baik yaa..

Dalam sepanjang perjalanan awal malam kali ini, menempuh jarak belasan kilometer seorang diri, Allaah izinkan untukku ditemani alunan firmanNya. Di sana aku terisak pelan, mengingat berbagai-bagai keadaan yang terasa menyudutkan, sederhana sebenarnya, tentang uang dan rasa lapar.

Hampir seluruh pintu pengeluaran sudah kuusahakan tutup rapat, menekan segala sisi yang kiranya dapat mencuri kesempatan, hingga hati yang jadi tak tenang dibuatnya, memikirkan bagaimana esok bisa bertahan.

Ah, pertanyaan ini kan bukan yang pertama kali ditanyakan olehmu, Pus. Bahkan jawabannya pun sudah pernah ditulis berulang kali oleh dirimu sendiri.

Tapi tetap saja, saat-saat berdua bersama Allaah dan firmanNya, dalam perpindahan ruang, ditemani sejuk angin malam, air mata tumpah begitu saja. Aku bilang ke Allaah, "Ya Allaah, aku pengen makan enak."

Cengeng sekali yaa kedengarannya, namun aku cukup bahagia untuk menjadi si cengeng di hadapan Yang Maha Segalanya. Lemas sekali rasanya waktu itu, menunggu-nunggu waktu tiba di rumah yang dituju, berharap akan ada makanan yang bisa mengembalikan kekuatanku.

Dan begitu sampai, air mata di pipi telah mengering, berganti air mata dalam hati, deras mengalir. Bagaimana tidak, dibukakan dan ditutupkan gerbang oleh teman, seolah mengerti temannya sedang tak ada daya. "Ada makanan?" tanyaku gontai, "Ada kebab dari adik tingkat, buat kita." Deg. Rezeki itu benar Allaah yang bagi, namun perantaranya, bebas dari arah mana saja. Diberi makanan "mewah" yang lezat mengenyangkan secara cuma-cuma. Kuingat yang kuucapkan tadi, getar keluhku yang mencoba utuh percaya, "Ya Allaah, aku yakin, rezekiku telah Engkau jamin.", dan lagi-lagi diingatkan oleh Allaah tentang doa nabi Musa a.s yang hampir terlupa,

"Rabbi inni limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqiir"

😭😭😭

Alhamdulillaah alhamdulillaah alhamdulillaahirabbil'alaamiin 🤍

[nadyagifary]

Catatan Akhir Tahun - Ujian adalah tanda cinta Allah

Ada beberapa pengalaman yang membuat hati ini tertegun

Salah satunya, adalah penundaan salah satu tahap ujian dalam skripsi

Awalnya, hari dan waktu telah ditentukan

Pada saat itu, hati merasa mudah, senang, dan merasa hebat (ampuni hamba yaAllah)

Akan tetapi, tidak melegakan

Rasanya, tidak ada yang dirasa sulit, semua terasa mudah sampai dengan persiapan dan administrasi lainnya,

Namun, dalam hati, kemudahan itu bukanlah sebuah karunia atas doa - doa yang dipanjatkan tiap malamnya

Bukan juga karena munajat yang dilantunkan selepas sholat,

Bukan juga karena tirakat tiap harinya,

Lalu apa yang terjadi ?

Qadarullah, jadwal hari dan waktu ujian tersebut mundur selama dua minggu lamanya,

Rasanya hancur, seolah tidak ada harap

Seolah-olah semua persiapan yang telah matang "dihentikan" padahal hanya "ditunda"

Layaknya, seseorang tanpa harapan lagi,

Di saat itulah, pelajaran itu hadir

Mungkin, pada saat itu, hanya tangis yang tiada henti

Namun, tangis itu lambat laun berubah menjadi rasa syukur kembali

Satu demi persatu, akhirnya hati ini mampu mengerti

Tentang, betapa besar cinta Allah kepada makhlukNya

Allah karuniai ujian karena Allah tidak ingin kita jatuh dalam keadaan berbangga pada diri,

Allah ingin kita selalu melibatkan Allah dalam setiap langkah,

Allah Maha Tahu mengenai yang baik dan buruk, tidak peduli seberapa besar dosa kita saat kita melangkah menjauhiNya

Dan, pada saat hari itu tiba,

Tidak ada kata selain syukur alhamdulillah atas kelancaran dan kemantaban ujian yang dilalui

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Mengapa lantas demikian?

Setelah membaca, mengkaji, serta bermuhasabah diri,

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ada baiknya, kita membuka lagi salah satu ayat Allah berikut:

الَّذِيْ خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيٰوةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ اَيُّكُمْ اَحْسَنُ عَمَلًاۗ وَهُوَ الْعَزِيْزُ الْغَفُوْرُۙ

Yang menciptakan mati dan hidup, untuk menguji kamu, siapa di antara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya. Dan Dia Mahaperkasa, Maha Pengampun.

Ujian adalah bukti tanda cinta Allah

Allah menguji hamba-Nya untuk membuat manusia beramal shalih dan berdoa pada Allah,

Lantas bagaimana apabila seorang insan hidup tanpa ada ujian?

Jelas, hari akan dilalui dengan rasa "mudah"

Namun, rasa "mudah" ini bukanlah sebuah karunia, akan tetapi sebuah bentuk ujian lain yang kadang manusia tidak sadar mengenai ujian yang lebih besar itu,

Ujian dimana kemudahan menjadi sebuah hal yang dikejar tanpa adanya tirakat dan doa yang panjang,

Lebih buruk lagi, apabila seseorang jatuh dalam keadaan istirdraj.

Dalam Islam, istilah istidraj adalah diberikan kepada umat yang melalaikan ibadah dan tidak pernah mengingat Allah SWT. Istidraj adalah ujian atau cobaan berupa kenikmatan bagi mereka yang lalai.

Naudzubillah min dzalik

Teringat, salah satu dosen terbaik pernah berpesan

"Bukankah kamu adalah ciptaan Allah?

Maka, Allah - lah yang mengetahui baik dan buruk untuk mu"

Tak terasa air mata ini menetes,

Untuk kesekian kalinya,

Allah membuktikan tanda cinta-Nya yang luar biasa

Tak peduli, sebesar apa dosa yang telah diperbuat

Tak peduli, sepanjang apa jarak berpaling dariNya,

Tak peduli, seburuk apapun derajat iman dalam hati ini,

#inspiration #words #life quotes #quotes #islamic post #islamic advice

[isarasyu]

Sang Maha Baik, Maha Pengasih, dan Maha Mendengar. Allah SWT.

Pernah tidak terjebak pada situasi yang sangat sulit dan terjadi secara tiba tiba, seolah olah tidak ada jalan keluar dan orang di sekitar rasanya tidak ada yang peduli. Jangankan untuk memikirkan bagaimana menyelesaikan masalah tersebut, bahkan membuat diri sendiri terkendali pada fikiran jernih pun rasanya tidak mampu. Buruknya, jika sampai putus asa dan terlintas untuk mengakhiri dengan cara yang buruk. Naudzubillah min dzalik.

Padahal, ada sebuah kenikmatan yang di titipkan saat terjebak pada suatu ujian. Apa itu?

Kenikmatan memohon pertolongan hanya kepada sang Pencipta. Allah SWT.

Dengan hati yang berserah, penuh pengharapan atas satu satunya pertolongan hanya dari Allah, penuh keyakinan bahwa hanya Allah satu satunya yang mampu menolong dan menyelesaikan segala nya. Lantunkan lah setiap doa doa permohonan itu hanya kepada Allah. Dan kamu akan merasakan betapa indahnya pertolongan dari Allah. Betapa Allah Maha Baik, Maha Pengasih, dan Maha Mendengar.

Saat lantunan doa mu terucap, Allah dengarkan. Allah kabulkan satu demi satu dengan cara Allah buka semua jalan, semua pintu kemudahan, Allah kirimkan bala bantuan untuk meringankan beban yang kamu rasakan, semuanya Allah kirimkan dari arah yang tidak di sangka sangka. Segala nya mungkin bagi Allah, segala nya mudah bagi Allah. Mudah bagi Allah menggerakkan sebuah hati manusia untuk sekedar membantumu melewati sebuah jalan yang akan menghubungkan kamu pada sebuah penyelesaian. Dari orang yang hanya kamu sapa sekedarnya, tapi Allah gerakan hatinya untuk membantumu menyelesaikan masalahmu. Dari orang yang keberadaan nya jauh darimu, tapi Allah ringankan langkahnya untuk sekedar menemanimu melewati masa sulitmu. Ini bukan tentang orang terdekat yang tak ada di saat kamu butuhkan, tapi ini tentang kekuatan pertolongan Allah yang kamu mohonkan kemudian menjadi sebuah jalan keluar yang tadinya tidak mungkin, tapi mungkin bagi Allah.

Ujian itu memang sulit, tapi jika kamu tidak mau melewatinya, kamu hanya akan berhenti pada satu titik. Berjalan lah, lewati masa sulit itu, yakin lah kamu tidak pernah sendiri karena pertolongan Allah yang selalu menemani.

Semangat, kamu pasti bisa!

#selfreminder #catatan #tulisan #motivatingwords #penyemangat

[gizantara]

Ke(me)nangan

اِنَّا فَتَحْنَا لَكَ فَتْحًا مُّبِيْنًا

"Tadi malam telah datang surat kepadaku. Surat itu lebih aku cintai dari apa yang Matahari terbit di atasnya."

– Ucap Rasulullah kepada Umar saat mengabarkan surat kemenangan.

Keseluruhan ayat pada surat Al-Fath diturunkan pasca terjadinya peristiwa Perjanjian Hudaibiyah. Kala itu umat muslim bahkan meragukan keputusan nabi sampai-sampai bertanya, "apakah Engkau seorang Rasul?"

Maksudnya adalah, apakah kesepakatan yang beliau setujui dalam perjanjian tersebut merupakan keputusan beliau sebagai rasul, atau keputusan beliau sebagai pribadi?

Karena jika dilihat dari pembuka surat dan poin-poin kesepakatan secara sekilas, saksi dari pihak manapun akan berpikir bahwa perjanjian tersebut merugikan pihak Islam. Pièlèheun, kalau bahasa Sundanya.

Namun Allah memutuskan bahwa mereka dan kita harus melihatnya dari sudut pandang yang berbeda, dan itu sudah cukup. Saat surat ini turun, umat muslim bahkan belum menguasai Makkah maupun Jazirah Arab, namun Allah berfirman bahwa umat Muslim sudah menang, secara nyata.

Seolah-olah Allah berkata, “Tidak, Aku ingin kamu tunduk tak hanya dalam perbuatan tapi secara emosi dan sikap. Sikapmu terhadap kejadian ini adalah bahwa ini kemenangan.”

Jadi bagaimana bisa melihat kemenangan yang nyata itu dengan kacamata yang berstandar duniawi?

Tentu sulit karena kita akan terus mencari cara agar segalanya mampu dijangkau oleh alat indra dan dinalar dengan logika. Padahal kadang-kadang memang perlu waktu untuk kita memahami. Dan Allah tahu waktu yang tepat untuk segala sesuatu terjadi.

Kata “mubiin” ini sendiri sangat indah karena tak hanya berarti sesuatu yang terang dan nyata, tapi juga menjelaskan. Bahwa kemenangan itu menjadikan semua perjuangan ini terasa jelas, benar, dan make sense untuk dijalani. Seperti jembatan emas antara keyakinan dan logika, semakin ketemu logikanya, semakin bertambah keimanannya.

Jadi mengapa, bahkan sejak tertandatanganinya perjanjian tersebut sudah Allah sebut sebagai kemenangan? Berikut beberapa poin terkait Perjanjian Hudaibiyah, menurut kacamata surat Al-Fath.

Legitimasi. Dengan pihak Quraisy Mekkah mau berunding dalam satu meja bersama pihak Islam, artinya mereka mengakui bahwa pemerintahan Islam di Madinah sudah setara dan dapat dikatakan sebagai kekuasaan yang sah.

Dengan poin gencatan senjata, artinya Islam terbebas dari rasa tidak aman. Ditambah poin bahwa kedua belah pihak bebas bersekutu dengan kabilah manapun, maka pihak Islam tidak harus merasa terancam. Gencatan senjata hanya terjadi antara dua pihak yang melakukan perjanjian, maka tetap sah dilakukan peperangan kepada selain Mekkah, contohnya Perang Khaibar melawan Yahudi.

Tidak ada pertumpahan darah antar sesama muslim. Menurutku ini poin yang menarik dan sakral, karena di Mekkah saat itu, banyak juga umat muslim yang tidak berdaya untuk berhijrah ke Madinah dan tidak diketahui keislamannya oleh banyak orang. Bayangkan jika kaum Muslim benar-benar menerobos Mekkah dan kaum Quraisy mengajaknya berperang, tidak menutup kemungkinan terjadi pertumpahan darah oleh muslim Madinah kepada muslim Mekkah yang keislamannya belum diketahui banyak orang.

Terbentuknya perkampungan Islam di Iesh, yaitu oleh orang-orang yang kabur dari Mekkah, namun tidak diterima di Madinah karena Rasul tetap memegang teguh Perjanjian Hudaibiyah yang melarang untuk menerima orang Mekkah.

Rasulullah melakukan dakwah kenegaraan secara besar-besaran tanpa disibukkan dengan urusan perang. Dalam dua tahun, peningkatan kuantitas ini terjadi sangat pesat, dari 1400 orang menjadi 10000 orang.

Kemenangan, untuk apa?

Apa tujuan kemenangan? Biasanya kemenangan itu sendiri yang menjadi tujuan. Namun dalam surat Al-Fath, kemenangan ternyata bukan akhir dan bukan tujuan.

“Liyaghfira lakallah,” maka Allah akan mengampunimu.

Begitu pula pada bagian akhir surat, di kalimat terakhir surat ini, “Wa’adallahulladziina aamanuu wa ‘amilush-shaalihaati min-hum maghfiratan wa ajron ‘azhiimaa.” (Al Fath : 29)

Allah telah menjanjikan sesuatu pada mereka yang beriman dan beramal sholeh. Apa yang dijanjikan-Nya itu? Apakah kemenangan? Ternyata bukan. Dia berkata, “Aku akan menjanjikan mereka ampunan dan kompensasi yang besar.”

Pikirkanlah ini, apa hubungan kemenangan dengan ampunan? Betapa Allah mengatakan tujuan kemenangan adalah ampunan. Mengapa?

Tentu kau tidak asing dengan frasa "baldatun thayyibah wa rabbun ghafur." Mengapa negeri yang baik itu adalah yang disertai ampunan dari Allah? Kita akan menemukan banyak kata di dalam Al-Qur'an bahwa kata ampunan sering disandingkan dengan rahmat, rahim, dan cinta (mahabba).

Ketika Allah sudah merahmati, menyayangi, bahkan mencintai, maka Allah akan cukupi segala hal dari segi manapun. Finansial, mental, fisik, dan berbagai hal lain yang saat ini kita rasa masih belum seideal itu. Kerajaan Nabi Sulaiman adalah salah satu contoh bahwa Allah telah mengampuni, meridhai, mencintai, dan merahmati semua penduduk Bumi. Bukan sekedar dicukupi, bahkan Allah akan menyenangkan dan memuaskan siapapun yang dicintai-Nya. Dan tingkat kepuasan seperti ini adalah tujuan dari kemenangan tersebut. Inilah yang disebut ridha dan diridhai.

Satu lagi yang menarik, di negara ini, kita mengenal sebuah istilah pintu masuk yang besar yang disebut gapura. Itu merupakan istilah serapan dari bahasa Arab, yakni "ghafura" atau ampunan. Kau dapat logikanya?

Kunci dari pengampunan adalah kau harus terlebih dahulu menjadi bagian dari Islam. Itu seperti seseorang yang memasuki gapura untuk mendapatkan perlindungan serta untuk menyelamatkan dirinya dari kemurkaan Rabb-nya. Bukan hanya seorang, cepat atau lambat manusia lainnya akan menyusul. Dan tidak ada yang lebih menggetarkan hati selain melihat umat manusia berbondong-bondong masuk ke dalam Islam. Inilah puncak kemenangan, bahwa Bumi dan seisinya memusatkan diri dalam pengabdian tunggal, hanya kepada Allah semata.

Di hari kemenangan ini, aku banyak berharap mudah-mudahan Allah menjadikanku bagian dari kaum pembuka dan pembebas. Rasulullah tidak meninggalkan sunnah ini hanya sebagai kenangan, tetapi juga untuk keteladanan bahwa kemenangan masih harus diperjuangkan, dan perjuangan masih harus dilanjutkan.

Memang harus 'aku' yang mengubah kenangan menjadi kemenangan. Harus aku yang mengisinya. Jangan sampai din ini ditimpa kemalangan oleh sebab aku yang terpana pada angan-angan.

– Prajurit setengah matang, tidak membiarkan kekalahan berlarut

[rahmaulia]

Citayam Fashion Week:

Mendobrak Sekat Sosial dan Potensi Arus Perubahan

By Aulia Rahmah (Youth Life Enthusiast)

...

Beberapa pekan ini, ibu kota dihebohkan dengan banyaknya remaja asal pinggiran kota yang memadati kawasan Sudirman dan SCBD. Sebelumnya, kawasan ini adalah kawasan elit yang didominasi para eksekutif dan masyarakat high-end dari wilayah Jakarta Pusat dan Selatan. Puncak keberhasilan pembangunan ibu kota bisa kita saksikan di kawasan ini dengan keberadaan beragam fasilitas terbaik yang tertata rapi. Rupanya, hal ini justru menjadi daya tarik tersendiri bagi masyarakat luar Jakarta.

Sudut-sudut estetik mendukung para remaja pinggir kota untuk membuat konten TikTok, Youtube, dan sebagainya. Jarak jauh yang harus dilalui dengan KRL Commuterline tidak menghalangi mereka untuk berkunjung ke kawasan nadi ibu kota. Luar biasa ya semangatnya!?

Seperti Laron Keluar dari Sarangnya

Redanya pandemi, diduga menjadi titik awal fenomena ini. Seperti redanya hujan yang dirayakan para serangga tanah. Era new normal juga membuat masyarakat kembali memenuhi ruang publik dan dalam sekejap. Kawasan SCBD berubah singkatan dari Sudirman Central Bussiness District menjadi Sudirman, Citayam, Bojonggede, dan Depok akibat banyaknya remaja dari daerah tersebut yang berkumpul di kawasan Sudirman, Jakarta. Mereka berlalu-lalang dengan penampilan yang unik dan mencuri perhatian masyarakat lokal saat melihatnya. Hingga ada yang mengistilahkannya dengan Citayam Fashion Week.

Pro dan Kontra Sudah Biasa

Tentu, hal ini mengundang pro dan kontra. Di satu sisi, Gubenur Jakarta Anies Baswedan sendiri menyambut baik fenomena tersebut. Bahkan beliau menyebutnya sebagai 'Demokratisasi Jalan Jenderal Sudirman' dimana awalnya Jalan Sudirman hanya biasa dilalui sebuah kelas masyarakat, kini bisa dinikmati oleh semua kalangan bahkan dari luar Jakarta. "Jadi tidak hanya untuk kelas sosial ekonomi tengah atas, justru ini harus didemokratisasi tempat ini sehingga bisa dinikmati siapa saja," katanya. "Asalkan pengguna harus tetap menjaga kebersihan hingga ketertiban pada area publik," lanjutnya. (Dikutip dari cnbcindonesia.com, 07/07/2022)

Sedangkan pihak yang kontra menganggap bahwa gaya berpakaian dan kebiasaan remaja Citayam kurang pas dengan budaya Jakarta, terlebih dengan eksistensi anak-anak Jaksel yang melekat di kawasan tersebut. Selain itu juga dampak lingkungan menjadi kurang baik, dengan banyaknya sampah yang berserakan, puntung rokok, bahkan tidak jarang mereka menghabiskan waktu di sana dengan mabuk-mabukan dan aktivitas lain yang menjurus kepada kemaksiatan. Naudzubillahi min dzalik.

Fenomena ini menarik untuk diamati. Dimana bias kelas ternyata mampu dihapus oleh segerombolan remaja pinggiran kota yang punya arus budayanya sendiri. Hingga perlahan mampu menggeser eksistensi budaya masyarakat Jakarta yang asli.

Menjilat Ludah Sendiri

Teringat beberapa tahun silam, aplikasi TikTok hampir tidak dilirik sama sekali, bahkan pelopornya yang sempat viral Bowo Alpenliebe dipandang sebelah mata. Tapi bertahun kemudian, masyarakat seolah menjilat ludahnya sendiri secara masal. Semua orang mulai meng-install TikTok dan menggunakannya hampir setiap hari. Mulai kalangan biasa hingga pejabat serentak melakukannya. Pola seperti ini, bukan tidak mungkin akan terulang dengan keberadaan remaja Citayam tersebut.

Bolehkah Kita Kritisi?

Tentu saja, fenomena ini bukan hal sederhana yang bisa kita anggap lalu. Terlebih selang beberapa pekan kemudian, gerombolan remaja ini seolah melakukan ekspansi ke berbagai sudut kota lainnya. Seperti di Lawang Salapan Bogor hingga Jalan Braga Bandung. Bak gerakan massif yang tak bisa dibendung lagi. Satu hal yang cukup meresahkan, yaitu bagaimana dampak dari fenomena ini? Akankah berkorelasi positif dengan kualitas generasi ke depannya dengan memberi ruang kreativitas atau justru semakin menghancurkan mereka dengan gaya hidup yang tidak seperti umumnya?

Mari Berhitung Lagi

Potensi generasi muda Indonesia sangat besar jika dilihat dari populasi mereka saat ini. Badan Pusat Statistik (BPS) melaporkan pada tahun 2019 lalu, penduduk usia produktif masih mendominasi. Persentase laki-laki dan perempuan di usia produktif (15-64 tahun) sekitar 67,6 %. Sedangkan penduduk usia belum produktif hanya sekitar 26-27 %. (katadata.co.id, 04/03/2022)

Hal ini merupakan angin segar bagi mereka yang sangat mendambakan perubahan. Tentunya generasi muda akan lebih semangat dan berenergi dalam mengusahakan apapun yang menjadi cita-cita mereka. Namun hasil perubahannya nanti, tentu tidak lepas dari kualitas generasi muda yang ada saat ini. Apakah sudah tercermin dalam pribadi mereka akhlak terpuji? Sudahkah idealisme mereka terpaut pada cita-cita yang luhur dan mulia? Sudahkah remaja saat ini tahu betul siapa dirinya dan untuk apa hidupnya diperjuangkan?

Sayangnya, masih banyak dari mereka yang belum menyadari hal ini. Banyak dari mereka yang justru masih terlena dengan popularitas, eksistensi, kekayaan, kebahagiaan semu, dan hal-hal fana lainnya yang membuatnya lupa dengan asal dan tujuan mereka tercipta: Sebagai Hamba Allah SWT.

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنْسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُو��ِ

“Dan tidaklah Aku menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk beribadah kepada-Ku (saja)” (Q.S. Adz-Dzaariyaat [51]: 56).

Maka, fenomena semacam ini seharusnya membuat kita kembali merenung, sudahkah kita ambil bagian dalam menyadarkan remaja-remaja ini agar kembali kepada apa yang seharusnya mereka perjuangkan? Bukan lagi sekadar larut dalam lelucon Jaksel VS Citayam atau riuh dalam menyaksikan peragaan mode impromptu “Citayam Fashion Week” yang mereka adakan dalam rangka hiburan dan bersenang-senang. Terlebih jika hanya memanfaatkan mereka sebagai ladang cuan.

Tentu mereka juga bagian dari umat Islam yang seharusnya mulia dan tidak lagi dipandang sebelah mata. Namun hakikatnya, kemuliaan tidak akan bisa diraih tanpa kita kembali pada jalan yang haq, yakni jalan Islam.

الإسلام يعلو ولا يعلى عليه

”Sesungguhnya Islam itu mulia/tinggi tidak ada agama yang lebih tinggi daripadanya”. (HR. Bukhari).

Oleh karena itu, saatnya kita mengembalikan peran sejati mereka sebagai khairu ummah. Generasi Muslim yang punya misi hidup lebih tinggi dari sebatas menghitungi jumlah jari jempol dan hati. Muslim yang tahu jati diri, membawa kebaikan serta menebar manfaat untuk dunia dan akhirat.

كُنْتُمْ خَيْرَ اُمَّةٍ اُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُوْنَ بِالْمَعْرُوْفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُوْنَ بِاللّٰهِ ۗ

“Kamu adalah umat terbaik yang dikeluarkan untuk manusia, menyuruh kepada yang makruf dan mencegah dari yang mungkar dan beriman kepada Allah.” (Q.S. Ali Imran [3]: 110)

Kalau mereka saja dengan kepercayaan diri dalam berekspresi mampu merebut atensi penduduk negeri, bagaimana jika kemudian dibekali dengan Islam sebagai nafas perjalanannya? Tentu akan lebih banyak kebaikan yang tersebar ke penjuru negeri. MasyaAllah, sesuatu yang awalnya dipandang sebelah mata, kemudian bisa menjadi warna utama bagi masyarakat dan dunia. Seperti yang telah Rasulullah SAW lakukan saat mengemban risalah Islam dan menerapkan syariat Islam dalam sebuah negara yang Allah limpahkan berkah dari langit dan bumi. Mampukah generasi saat ini yang mewujudkannya kembali? Mari kita buktikan dengan dakwah Islam tanpa henti!.

Wallahu’alam bishawab.

#citayam fashion week #cerita

[gyu-effect]

(tryna do) what lovers do || y.jh (teaser)

PAIRING || Jeonghan x Female Reader

GENRES || Fake Dating AU, College AU, Humour, Fluff, Friends To Lovers AU, Rich Kids AU

SUMMARY || When you had roped Jeonghan into your idea of being a ‘pretend’ couple, you did not expect the lie to grow this big. What was supposed to be a one day thing soon became a rather frequent occurrence. And the gravity of the situation did not really hit you until your parents were requesting an audience with your new ‘boyfriend’. Will the two of you be able to keep your act till then?

Or, in which, you keep promising yourself that this would be the last day you pretend to have feelings for Yoon Jeonghan.

SERIES MASTERLIST || teen, age

A/N || If you want to be added in the taglist, send me an ask!

“Oh my god, why am I even here?” You sobbed to yourself, as you frantically turned the pages of the thick textbook, searching desperately for anything that could help you in your project. Despite being in the library for the past four hours, you had managed to write only two pages of your five page essay. You cursed yourself mentally for picking such a difficult topic, in an attempt to be different from others.

“To get your degree and a job that will secure your future?” Seungkwan replied, as though he hadn’t been complaining about his own work a minute ago.

“Thanks. I wasn’t really sure before why I applied for college but now I definitely am.” You muttered, squeezing your eyes shut as you closed your laptop. As the semester was approaching the end, all the project deadlines had clogged up your calendar and you were pathetically struggling to finish everything on time. 

“You did not ask yourself this question when you were at the party yesterday.” He reminded you, causing you to open your eyes and glare at him. 

“I’ve been to a maximum of five parties throughout this entire semester. How much more do you want me to quit? If I don’t let out my stress in some way or the other I’m going to combust.”

“Lies. You hate these parties and your stress busting mechanism is to go shopping with Kim Yeri.”

You raised your hands in defeat, but still sticking your tongue out at your best friend. Just because he was right didn’t mean you couldn’t complain and whine to him. 

“Speaking of parties,” he continued after shutting his laptop and looking at you, “What are you going to do about the one next week?”

You stared at him.

“Next week? What party?”

“Min Seolah’s party? She sent an invitation to you?” 

“Ah,” you said, vaguely remembering something in your inbox which you might have deleted out of anger at your pending work. “I just won’t go. Where’s it taking place? Her apartment?”

Now it was Seungkwan’s turn to stare at you.

“You didn’t go through the invitation did you?” He glared at you when you smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s an elite party. And you are expected to have an escort. In more polite terms, a date.” 

You felt your smile dip as soon as you heard the word ‘elite’. You absolutely hated these formal parties. More than boring, they were painful beyond words and talking with all the powerful delegates who were usually present always exhausted you mentally. 

“Can’t I- can’t we excuse ourselves?”

“Our parents will be there.”

That line hit you like a truck and you finally felt the realisation sink in. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Seungkwan. I-I need to pick a dress! And shoes! And-And an escort! Where the hell am I supposed to get a date?” Even Seungkwan didn’t seem to have an answer for this. You continued your rambling as the panic finally settled in properly. “Oh god. How does one, who had next to zero social interactions outside her friend circle, manage to find a date in less than a week? And how are you so calm about this? Do you want to pretend to be each other’s escorts? Everyone knows there’s nothing between us anyways.”

“Er, about that.” Seungkwan began, awkwardly scratching his neck. “I already have a date.”

For the second time that day, Boo Seungkwan dropped another bomb on you. You closed your mouth that had been hanging open and edged your chair closer to his suspiciously.

“Wait, what? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“It just happened right before I came into the library!” He began, clearly flustered as he was avoiding your gaze and aimlessly flipping the pages of the book in front of him (it was actually your book, a subject he didn’t even have). “Siyeon just- just randomly asked whether I wanted to go with her because she thought I was cool and I was so taken aback, I said yes without even thinking-”

“Is that all it takes to ask you out? Just tell you that you are cool?” You asked, leaning back and grinning at your furiously blushing best friend. You had seen Seungkwan embarrassed (and had sometimes even been the cause of it), but to see him this shy because of some girl from economics seemed worthy to make fun of. In the back of your mind, you made a mental note to tell this to Chan. 

“Is that what’s bothering you? Shouldn’t you be worried about your lack of date, instead?” 

“Yeah…But I’ve got to finish this assignment before.” You always had your priorities right, and getting a degree was definitely one of them. “And I’m hungry.”

“It’s almost lunch time. Want to grab something from the canteen?” Seungkwan asked, checking his watch. You nodded and both of you packed up your things, walking out into the sunlight after what felt like an eternity. 

No sooner had you stepped out of the threshold, you felt a gush of wind from behind you that nearly knocked you over, but Seungkwan wasn’t that lucky. He stumbled onto the ground as that gush of wind (now identified as Soonyoung) grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up. Or rather yanked him up.

“Hey! Do you want to die?” Seungkwan yelled, as you blinked and tried to process what had just happened. Then feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips at the sight of Soonyoung nervously apologising to Seungkwan, you gently patted the latter’s back.

“Are you okay?” You asked, his neck visibly red at the sudden tugging of his shirt collar. 

“I highly doubt you should be smiling while asking me that?”

“I- okay I’m sorry.” By now you were grinning. “Drink some water, you should be fine. And Soonyoung, why the hell did you try to knock us out?”

“I wasn’t trying to! I just wanted to surprise Seungkwan from behind but I guess I ran a bit too fast.”

“A bit?” Seungkwan was still massaging his neck. “I bet you would have told that excuse to the judges after my head got dislocated from my spine.”

“Anyways, what do you think they are serving us for lunch?” Soonyoung asked, hastily changing the subject.

Before you or Seungkwan could reply, all of a sudden you realised you had left your jacket on the chair in the library. “Uh, guys I’ll catch up with you in the mess? I left my jacket behind.”

“You don’t want us to wait for you?” Seungkwan asked but you shook your head in negative.

“It’s fine. But don’t forget to save me a seat or else I’ll steal all your tiger plushies Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung faked a look of horror, pulling Seungkwan and breaking into a run. This earned an eye roll from Seungkwan as he waved you goodbye. Giggling at their retreating figure you went back inside the library. Thankfully, it was still there and slipping into it you quickly walked out again. 

This time when you walked out, you found yourself staring at the couple underneath the willow tree near the library. It was still full of leaves despite it being almost autumn. It was almost cute to see the couple until you remembered your own position; you had to find a date before the week ended.

The sun glared on you and you instinctively took a step back, immediately colliding with someone. The two of you let out an ‘ah!’ as you stumbled back more before you felt the person’s hands on your shoulder, stabilising you.

“I’m so sorry!” You gushed, turning back to look at the person. You found yourself looking up at Yoon Jeonghan’s equally surprised face as he helped you up. “Jeonghan, shit, I’m so sorry. I should have looked.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Are you okay? Don’t walk backwards like that, you might get hurt. Unless, you have Mad-Eye Moody's eyes.” He joked casually and you smiled sheepishly at him. 

Jeonghan was a good friend of yours; he was in your close friends circle and you thoroughly enjoyed his presence (as long as you weren’t the one getting pranked). He also happened to be smart and handsome, a plus point which made him a campus heartthrob. As you took in his appearance, you noticed he had grown out his hair a bit. A gentle wind blew against the two of you and his hair ruffled slightly, sunlight catching his face as he grinned at you.

And then, it struck you.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, as you stared at him, your mouth slightly open. “Don’t tell me there’s sauce on my face and Joshua didn’t tell me about it.”

That snapped you back to the present and you shook your head. “Er, no. Um, Jeonghan?” 

“Yeah?”

You knew for sure he had been invited to the same upscale party as you, but you had to make sure before asking him.

“You don’t have a significant other, do you? Or maybe a crush?”

Now it was time for him to stare at you.

“Uh…no? Where is this coming from?”

“Then, do you want to date me?”

© 𝐆𝐘𝐔-𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑  

#╼ 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑 #╼ 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐍𝐀 𝐃𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 #jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan x reader #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #jeonghan x you #jeonghan x y/n #yoon jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan x y/n #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan angst #jeonghan fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen fanfic

[afakhrunnisaa]

Hei apa kabar?

Sepertinya semakin meroket ya. Keren banget nggak sih. Nope, bukan berarti lagi melunak. Tapi lagi sadar aja kadang masih lari dengan bercerita seolah-olah pada Anda. Tidak meminta apapun. Karena sepertinya semakin berbeda jalur.

Allah sudah jaga aku sampai sejauh ini. Meski aku seringkali tamak dengan kurang melihat kenyataan ini.

Selamat bertumbuh. Sejak beberapa tahun terakhir sesungguhnya aku punya permintaan pada Rabb ku. Untuk memberi cahaya yang sama pada jalan yang kita tempuh. Meski bukan berarti aku meminta lebih dari itu. Kenapa? Mungkin itu caraku berdamai dan menjaga kita selama ini.

Keajaiban?

Let see. Allah yang Maha Baik kumohon. Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir.

4 Ramadhan 1445H

[reveriescope]

Surya Belum Tenggelam #1

Min Yoongi as Tubagus Dion Tjahjadi. Son Seungwan as Swastika Mia Rustam.

Special Appearance: Jung Hoseok as Mat Pandi. Song Mino as Ardiansyah. Kang Seulgi as Raisa. Jeon Jungkook as Gabriel. Kim Mingyu as Akar. Cha Eunwoo as Altair.

Special Mention: Bae Joohyun as Irina. Lee Jihoon as Satria. Lee Chaerin as Mamah Ratu.

===

Hampir sepuluh tahun berselang, Agus masih mengingat debar di dadanya ketika pertama kali mendapatkan senyuman Swastika Mia Rustam.

Seperti saat ini, ketika Agus tidak mempercayai matanya saat menemukan sosok Mia di antara pengunjung Little Verona. Anggapan sedang berhalusinasi dengan segera dipatahkan oleh keberadaan seseorang yang juga ia kenal, Raisa, duduk di seberang Mia. 

Namun lamunan Agus segera buyar kala Ahmad Affandi menarik dirinya ke arah tangga menuju lantai dua. "Ngapain sih?" tanya pemuda itu. 

Agus tidak menjawab, setelah menatap Pandi sorot matanya kembali tertuju pada meja yang letaknya tak jauh dari pintu ke arah taman. Sejurus kemudian Pandi mengikuti arah pandang sang karib, sontak ia membulatkan mata dan berseru cukup keras. 

"Woi, Mia, Raisa!"

Dipanggil sedemikian rupa, Mia yang semula asyik mengobrol dengan Raisa menoleh ke arah Agus dan Pandi. Raut wajah Mia luar biasa sumringah begitu menyadari siapa yang memanggil namanya.

Sepersekian detik berikutnya, segalanya berlangsung begitu cepat untuk dicerna Agus. 

===

OSPEK tahun 2012 silam jatuh pada Bulan Ramadan hingga mewajibkan para panitia memutar otak menentukan kegiatan yang tidak menguras tenaga. Meski mahasiswa baru yang merasakan, panitia tidak kalah menderita saat mempersiapkan orientasi.

Seperti apa yang dirasakan Tubagus Dion Tjahjadi. Mahasiswa tahun kedua itu terpaksa menuruti permintaan teman karibnya mengisi posisi kepanitiaan yang kosong. Seolah melupakan fakta Agus sudah keluar dari HIMA sebelum kepanitiaan dibentuk. Untung saja tugasnya tidak seberapa berat sebagai korlap.

Entah apa yang membuatnya dengan cepat mengindahkan permintaan Pandi dan Ardi, Agus bahkan tidak banyak menggerutu sejak didapuk jadi panitia. 

Hari pertama OSPEK, setelah upacara singkat pukul tujuh pagi para maba dikumpulkan di auditorium. Mereka hanya duduk, mendengarkan kuliah umum yang disampaikan para pejabat kampus silih berganti. 

Meski ada waktu istirahat yang digunakan untuk beribadah, agaknya penyakit kantuk sudah terlalu akut untuk pergi. Wajah Agus sudah dibasuh air wudhu, ia masih saja sibuk menguap. 

Agus berdiri di undakan teratas bagian tribun Auditorium dengan punggung bersandar di dinding. Sementara materi dari pembicara mampir sambil lalu di telinganya, matanya mengawasi ratusan manusia yang berkumpul di dalam ruangan tersebut. 

Lelaki itu terlalu mengantuk ketika menyadari bobot kepala seseorang bersandar di pinggangnya. Sedikit terperanjat, Agus melirik ke arah maba yang tertidur dan bersandar padanya. Kedua tangannya yang terlipat di depan dada lantas diurai. 

Sorot mata Agus jatuh pada sang puan, mengamati wajahnya sejenak meski dalam posisi terbalik. Sambil memiringkan kepalanya sendiri, Agus bergumam sembari mengeja nama "MIA" yang tercetak dengan font besar di bagian name tag. 

Enggan menegur, Agus sadar bahwa hal ini tidak bisa dibiarkan lama-lama. Setelah memberikan kelonggaran selama 10 menit, sebelah tangan Agus menepuk pundak si Mia Mia ini. Ia tidak ingin gadis itu ditegur oleh panitia lain jika ada yang kebetulan melihat.

"Bangun, cuci muka gih," bisik Agus cukup keras. 

Perlahan-lahan, gadis itu mengangkat kepala. Saat tatapan Mia bersirobok dengannya, Agus menahan napas. 

"Maaf, Kak." Mahasiswi baru bernama Mia itu menggumam lalu buru-buru menundukkan wajah. 

"Santai, daripada ditegur panitia lain." Agus balas bergumam, sebelum akhirnya menambahkan, "Dion, semester 3." 

Mia yang semula tertunduk dan tengah sibuk mengatur rambutnya kini kembali mendongak. "Saya Mia," ujarnya sambil tersenyum. 

Meski senyuman Mia begitu singkat, Agus sadar betul darahnya berdesir. Detak jantungnya bertalu lebih kencang daripada biasanya. Hingga pada akhirnya, Agus membalas senyuman Mia sebelum keduanya berpaling dari satu sama lain.

===

Akhir-akhir ini Agus lebih sering melamun. Melodi-melodi yang dihasilkan dari tangannya terdengar lebih mendayu daripada biasanya. Kadang kala Agus sampai harus membasuh muka dengan gerakan kasar. Frustrasi.

Bahkan saat Agus mengisi kelas, murid-muridnya sering kali berkomentar tentang sikapnya. Agus barangkali bukan yang paling cerah, namun ia salah satu guru kesayangan. Banyak yang bilang belajar bersamanya membuat musik jadi lebih mudah dipahami. Saat tiba-tiba ia tidak bisa menyusun pembicaraan sebagaimana mestinya, muridnya akan dengan mudah menyadari. 

Agus sangat mengenali diri, sadar betul perubahan sikapnya disebabkan pertemuan mendadak dengan Mia. Meski rindu merajam, sua tidak lantas membuat segalanya mereda. Justru, Agus semakin sering ingin menemui Mia untuk bertanya apapun yang harus diluruskan. 

"Temuin aja." Suara Ardi terdengar. 

Saat ini mereka ada di studio pribadi Agus, seperti yang selalu terjadi ketika kelas senggang, Orang-orang terdekat Agus selain Satria selalu diizinkan masuk dan beristirahat di sana. 

"Ngomong doang emang gampang," sahut Agus. 

"Istri gue sering cerita, dia akhir-akhir ini ketemu Mia. Kayaknya dia selalu available."

Menghela napas, Agus akhirnya bertanya, "Gue harus bilang apa ya?" 

"Closure, itu yang selalu mengganggu tidur malam lo." Kali ini Pandi ikut urun rembug, setelah sempat terlelap di sofa panjang di sudut studio Agus.

Sulung keluarga Tjahjadi itu tercenung. Bagaimana bisa seseorang bisa lebih memahaminya? Pasalnya, selama ini Agus tidak pernah membicarakan perasaannya tentang Mia. 

"Di, gue boleh minta tolong istri lo?" 

===

Pertemuan Agus dan Mia tidak jauh-jauh, mengambil tempat di Daylight & Moonshine bar yang siangnya adalah kafe biasa. 

Atas saran Gabriel, Agus dan Mia duduk di sudut yang jarang disambangi manusia lain. Pada waktu seperti ini bar hanya dikunjungi orang-orang muda sekitar Jalan Sentosa. Mereka yang lebih tua akan berada di Warung Penitipan Suami dengan jerangan teh pekat alih-alih menikmati alkohol. 

Gabriel pula hanya akan melayani teman-teman terdekat jika malam semakin larut di hari kerja seperti ini. 

Selain Agus, tamu Moonshine Bar hanya terdiri dari Akar dan Altair yang baru akan berisik jika waktu merangkak naik ke atas pukul 22:00 WIB. Untuk saat ini, kedua karib itu sibuk menatap ponsel.

Kala suara derit pintu terdengar, sosok mungil Mia muncul dari balik pintu. Agus boleh jadi bergeming di tempat duduk, namun sorot matanya terpaku pada perempuan berambut cokelat terang itu. Mia, sepertinya baru pulang kerja dari sebuah kantor konsultan di pusat bisnis dekat sini. 

"Kak...?"

Panggilan Mia barusan menyadarkan Agus tentang seberapa jauh jarak tercipta akibat perpisahan mereka. 

"Hai, Mi," sapa Agus sebelum bangkit dan menarik kursi untuk Mia. 

Gestur kecil itu disambut senyuman dari Mia, diikuti bisikan mengucap terima kasih. Yang secara otomatis dibalas Agus tak kalah ramah. Padahal selama ini, Agus selalu merasa senyumannya canggung. Namun bersama Mia, kedua sudut bibirnya mudah terangkat begitu saja. Masih belum berubah. 

Setelah memesan minuman dan bertukar sedikit kata dengan Gabriel, kedua insan yang sempat saling cinta itu kembali dikuasai hening. Satu dekade berlalu tidaklah mudah untuk mereka kembali merajut percakapan seperti yang dulu kala. 

"Kamu... apa kabar, Mi?" tanya Agus. "Orangtua... gimana?"

Raut wajah Mia melembut usai mendengar pertanyaan Agus. "Syukurlah, sehat. Papa-Mama sibuk siapin nikah emas buat tahun depan."

Memikirkan ucapan Mia, Agus menerawang, "Whoa... nikah emas berarti... 50 tahun? Hebat, ya, Mi." 

Sebuah tawa lolos dari bibir Mia sebelum bertanya, "Kak Dion sendiri apa kabar? Tante Ratu masih cantik? Satria? 

Sejenak, Agus mengulum bibir. "Aku gini aja, sehat tapi masih suka bikin Ibu Ratu ngomel. Satria kayak aku cuma lolos dari omelan aja," ujarnya. 

"Masa? Perasaan dulu Kak Dion jarang diomelin."

Agus menyentuh tengkuknya, "Yah, ada yang menurut Mamah belum kesampaian. Makanya begitu." 

Tanpa perlu dijabarkan lebih mendetail, orang-orang seusia Agus maupun Mia sudah bisa menerka apa yang menjadi tuntutan orangtua mereka. Apalagi jika mereka masih lajang dan belum menunjukkan tengah bersinggungan dengan asmara. 

Saat Mia mulai mencondongkan tubuh ke depan, Agus berusaha diam di tempatnya. Pertanyaan yang terdengar selanjutnya pun memaksa mereka siap menghadapi benang kusut di masa lalu. 

"Kak Dion minta diatur ketemu begini lewat Kak Irina bukan cuma buat tukeran kabar, kan?" 

Sejenak, Dion menatap Mia sebelum mulai menata setiap kata demi kata, "Oke, Mia aku minta maaf udah bikin malu sampai kamu dulu menjauh, terus... hilang."

Sebelah alis Mia terangkat, Agus menggigit bibir bawahnya. 

"Bikin malu?" tanya Mia lirih. "Tunggu, Kak. Kak Dion mikir aku menjauh karena apa?"

"Bukan karena panggungku sama Pandi? Yang nyanyi 'Pangeran Dangdut' sampai out of tune?" 

"Err... Kak, bahkan aku nggak dateng di acara itu. Tapi Kak Dion sama Kak Fandi ngapain sampai ngira aku bakal malu?"

Agus merespons penuturan Mia dalam diam, terperangah. Jika Mia bukan tiba-tiba menjauh darinya karena bertingkah konyol di atas panggung usai mabuk-mabukan, lantas apa? 

- tbc.

[masauntukfilem]

THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPE (2007)

Genre - Horror Crime Mockumentary (US)

Plot - Mengisahkan pembunuh bersiri di Poughkeepsie, New York yang membuat rakaman mengenai semua pembunuhan yang dilakukan olehnya. Pita rakaman itu kemudiannya dijumpai oleh pihak berkuasa dan mereka membuat dokumentari berkenaan pembunuh itu.

Komen - Filem genre mokumentari yang amat bagus. <asa filem yang tidak begitu lama. seolah-olah penonton menonton dokumentari yang benar-benar terjadi.

Personal skor - 4.5 / 5 (penonton seolah-olah peristiwa itu benar-benar berlaku. )

Masa tontonan - 86 min

Platform - Tubi

Tarikh menonton - 24/8/2023

#filem #horror #crime #mockumentary #the poughkeepsie tape

[thoughtfeeling]

Baru beberapa detik yang lalu kami menyudahi obrolan malam ini melalui telepon. Aku sering merasa, bahwa kepribadianku banyak macamnya.

Maksudku, bukan berarti aku pengidap kepribadian ganda. Aku juga tidak mendiagnosa demikian. Hanya saja, ketika berbicara dengannya melalui telepon, jiwa manjaku keluar. Rasanya lebih leluasa meski ada rasa sungkan karena pikirku, ini orang geli gak sih kalau aku menye-menye seperti ini.

Begitu telepon ditutup, kembali lagi seperti diriku menjadi perempuan biasa yang betul-betul, flat.

Sedikit rangkuman obrolan kami tadi, ternyata ada beberapa hal yang dulu pernah menjadi teka-tekiku, terjawab. Apa yang baru saja ku ketahui saat ini ternyata tidak terlalu membuatku terkejut.

Memang sedikit menyebalkan, tapi aku tak begitu mempermasalahkannya. Karena menurutku hal itu lumrah dan sudah biasa terjadi.

Perbedaan akan sesuatu yang disukai dan juga kebiasaan yang akan ditemukan pasca pengikat janji sehidup semati itu digaungkan, akan terus menjadi hal baru dan siap tak siap aku harus mampu beradaptasi.

Tak masalah bagiku, tak apa.

Asal sesuatu yang sifatnya bisa aku tolerir. Kecuali hal yang benar-benar melukai jiwa, harga diri dan tidak setia. Nauzubillah min dzalik!

Aku pun paham bahwa setiap pasangan punya caranya sendiri dalam mencintai. Terutama pada aksinya, bukan hanya kata-kata manisnya saja. Ketika membahas ini, bahasa cintaku yang cukup besar adalah afirmasi namun, seiring waktu berjalan aku hanya butuh pengakuan berbentuk aksi yang menunjukkan bahwa ia benar-benar memegang janjinya untuk memberi yang terbaik dan melakukan hal baik padaku.

Sejak menjadi pembelajar di masa itu ketika aku masih belum menemukan separuh jiwa, yang aku tanamkan adalah untuk terus sibuk “menjadi”. Karena menurutku, ketika sibuk menjadikan diri ini lebih baik adalah bentuk rasa cinta pada diri sendiri dan membuat kita bisa berbagi cinta dengan orang lain. Pun (mudah-mudahan, rasa kecewa itu tidak pernah ada) ketika kita merasa ekspetasi yang dipasang itu terlalu tinggi, kita bisa menghadapinya dengan lebih leluasa tanpa harus penuh drama seolah paling menderita. Lagi pula, cinta itu tak butuh pamrih. Kecuali kita saling mencintai bahkan lebih bagus ketika keduanya berlomba, siapa yang memiliki cinta paling banyak.

Aku tipe perempuan yang ketika sudah mencintai seseorang, akan mencintainya tanpa setengah-setengah. Mungkin terdengar posesif dan menggelikan, tapi begitu adanya. Terlebih jika ia memperlakukanku dengan sangat baik, aku akan memberikannya sesuatu yang lebih baik lagi. Begitu pula ketika kecewa, maka kekecewaan itu akan berdampak lebih dalam. Maka, sulit bagiku untuk bersikap gengsi ketika telah jatuh hati. 

Terkesan agak memaksa, tapi itulah adanya. 

Aku titipkan hatimu padaNya, yang memilikimu seutuhnya. Bahkan dalam hidup pun ketika kita bernapas, napas tersebut dibuang lagi. Karena di dunia ini benar-benar hak milikNya, jadi aku perlu belajar untuk terbiasa tentang apapun yang menjadi kejutan entah itu baik atau buruk.