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veethefreeelf · 4 months

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Love is a strong word - Y.JH

This is part 2 to ‘Hate is a strong word’ I’M SORRY it took a while but real life got in the way also my eye is being extra annoying! I hope you guys love this as much as I do (づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ♡

Summary:

It’s been a year since you moved away to a new branch. If you’re being honest, things haven’t been great. Being away from all you know and all you wanted has made you realize a lot of things and made you wish you had done things differently. Maybe moving back would be better for you.

Wordcount: 15k

Warnings: lots of conflict and resolutions, super emotional, angsty as fuck, protected v. penetration, fingering, lots of praising and fluff, nothing major, smut is pretty tame and loving, biting because yes

Requested: yes, by popular demand

P.S - Italic is for thoughts mainly from the characters’ perspective and quotes. Bold is for text messages/calls/voice messages between characters

It’s been a year since you moved to this new city and another branch at your company. It isn’t exactly going like you thought it would. You thought you would make friends easily. You thought your career would have progressed. You thought you wouldn’t think that much about Jeonghan. You were wrong on all counts.

Your career was still at the same stage it was when you moved. No exciting opportunities had opened. You had met some really nice people and your new team was great but you missed your team, you missed your best friends. You even missed Clara’s perverted comments on a daily basis. You missed the team meetings. You missed Jeonghan. You missed him a lot.

One thing moving to a smaller town and being new will do to you is give you time to think about the past. You had thought a lot about Jeonghan. What your feelings for him were. Why you were trying to keep him away. Why you told yourself you were fine with him being on a date with Hana while fucking you. Being away from all of them gave you a lot of clarity on a lot of things from your past. It also allowed you to feel things without fear and embrace everything you were too scared to do before.

Too bad it was too late.

You don’t know what happened with Jeonghan and Hana but you imagine them being happy together. And it devastated you. You should’ve said something. You shouldn’t have ran. You were a coward and it made you lose one of the best things in your life all because of pride.

No one from your previous team ever found out about you and Jeonghan. And every time you visited them or they visited you, the subject was never brought up. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t want to know. ‘Ignorance is bliss’ you tell yourself. At least this way you can pretend he doesn’t hate you now and that he is single and waiting for you. Your therapist disagrees and hopes you will face all your fears the next time you see him.

That’s another thing you did when you moved here. You got help. You got a therapist and it has helped you a lot. If anything, at least this year has made you grow as a person and made you realize how you should’ve handled most things in your life in the past. She has also helped you figure out ways for you to deal with your current feelings and given you tools to keep improving yourself to make sure you make the right decisions for yourself in the future.

It was okay living here though. The apartment wasn’t the best. You missed your baby terribly but you managed. You were adjusting fairly well. Initially, you had cried every day. It was very difficult to not see your people and not sleep in your bed. Now you were better. You were dealing with the consequences of your decision in a better way. You tried visiting your friends more and tried getting to know your new team more as well. You couldn’t deny that you did want to go back. To the branch, to your team, to your apartment, to… Everything that you left behind. But you didn’t think that opportunity would happen any time soon.

Work was always uneventful. All teams got along great and it was easy making decisions together. Also being a smaller branch, you didn’t get as many big accounts, so sometimes it was just a bit too slow for you and what you were accustomed to.

Today you had to finish the monthly report to your manager but not much else was going on so you let your team go home early for the day. You were having a hard time focusing on your work. Something that seems to have started when you moved here. You didn’t use to have this issue before. You were in the middle of your thoughts when your phone rang and snapped you out of it. You looked at it and smiled before answering.

“Hoshi, my beloved… Why are you calling me during work hours?”

“Seriously, this is your fault. Why would you leave us? This new manager is driving us insane” Hoshi told you in a whispered tone.

“Come on… He can’t be that bad. I heard really good things about him from when he was a team member here”

“I don’t know what kind of lies they told you but he is insane. His demands are outrageous. Remember how Jeonghan used to annoy us because he just wanted to? Well, this new guy has made Jeonghan annoy us even more and now Jeonghan is actually right! Can’t you understand how wrong this is?” Hoshi asked you.

“Here I thought I was special and Jeonghan only annoyed me. I guess we were all played, huh?” you asked Hoshi playfully.

“This isn’t funny, Y/N. Jeonghan has to be an asshole now because someone has to stop this guy. He is not ready to be a manager. You need to help us, say something to someone about him, please. I am begging you. We are begging you. And you owe us from leaving us with this lunatic” Hoshi answered in a very serious tone.

“Look, I can try and find out more about him and talk to my manager to see if anything can be done. But you know I don’t have that kind of power. You need to go to HR. Talk to Cass, she is usually the best person to reach for these things and she happens to be super close with Sunny. I will do the best I can on my side but I can’t guarantee anything” you told him sincerely.

What you didn’t tell him was that you wished you could switch with their manager and get back to your team. You hadn’t told them yet that you wanted to be back. It’s not a possibility and it would only make everyone sadder. You were done being selfish.

“I know. I know, Y/N. It’s just… Why can’t you come back? This guy is clearly not a good fit for our branch and for our team” Hoshi told you in a sad tone.

“It’s not my choice anymore. There’s no openings at all Hoshi. And I made a commitment to this branch when I moved here. I can’t just up and leave”

“You say that but we both know your worth and how much this company needs you. They would do anything you wanted to keep you. You could request to come back specially with all of us not getting along well with the new team lead. And it’s nothing personal. He just isn’t good at being a manager and he isn’t ready for it at this branch yet” Hoshi continued sincerely.

“I will speak to my manager about him, okay? But that’s all I can do for right now. You should reach out to Cass in HR on your side. The whole team should actually. And any other team that is also being affected by this should speak up as well” you added sternly.

“Okay, Y/N. Thank you. I have to go before he loses his shit. I hope you’re well and please, visit us soon” he said and you both hung up.

In a way Hoshi was right. You could request this change to the company. And it would make sense. Their new manager came from this branch where things are much slower and much easier. He was not ready for the big leagues as a manager at least. It would be easy to convince your manager.

For now, you would do the right thing and put your personal feelings aside. You would talk to your manager just like you promised Hoshi and it would be up to them on how to proceed from here.

There was a knock on your door and one of your team members - Chris - walked in.

“I thought I told you to go home for the day. Nothing to do around here for now” you told him and smiled.

“Well, you know me. I can’t leave with the boss still around. Hardly seems fair. Also I like to work for my money, thank you very much” he added as he started to move to sit on the chair across from you.

“Never met anyone that wouldn’t rush out of the office if told by their bosses before. Also please don’t call me boss. I told you so many times Chris” you said. Chris smiled.

Chris was a lovely guy. He was your right hand at this branch. He introduced you to everyone and made it easier for you to adjust to the change. He is also one of your best team members. Very hard working and constantly looking to improve and progress his career as well. He reminds you of a younger you.

The only problem with Chris is that he seems very interested in you. He has reached out to you about his feelings several times and wants you to give him a chance. This is one of the reasons you mostly haven’t gotten to know your team in the same way you tried with your previous team.

He was gorgeous. Tall. Muscular. Beautiful Australian accent. You were simply not interested. You had someone else in your mind and in your heart and even though you weren’t strong enough and brave enough to do anything about it, you knew you could never start something new with someone else without resolving the past.

Chris knew it too. Well not the whole ‘having feelings for someone else’ part but that you weren’t interested. And he had been very understanding. He hadn’t pushed at all. Simply told you if anything changed, he would always be open to explore your relationship further. It was sweet. He was one of the few things that kept you sane over here and you didn’t want to lose him.

“Are you going to be done soon? I was thinking maybe we can leave together?” Chris asked you.

“Sorry, no. I’ve been procrastinating for the last 20 minutes and now I’m late in delivering this. You go ahead and leave. I’m also going to try and catch the actual boss before leaving” you told him and he got up to leave.

“Alright, Y/N. See you tomorrow, have a great night” he told you before leaving.

Thankfully, your manager was still here as well and you were able to talk to him about the new team lead that Hoshi told you about. Seungkwan was his name. He was a very passionate team lead over here and yes, demanding but no one had ever had any complaints since he had been promoted. You explained to your boss the pace of the two branches are very different and so are the team members and the demands. You recommended someone check on the teams of the other branch and with Seungkwan himself to understand how everyone is adjusting and if any changes are necessary and your boss agreed.

You’ve done your part. You have warned the right people and now it’s up to them to assess and make decisions.

You got home and called Hoshi to tell him and he was relieved. He also reached out to Cass and everyone else on his team did the same. Apparently, tomorrow the advertising team and some IT members are also going to Cass about Seungkwan. Wow. He really hasn’t made any friends. Poor guy. This branch was very happy with him when he was here. Maybe he just isn’t ready for the amount of work and stress the other branch entails.

During that phone call with Hoshi, he asked you to come visit the following weekend and you agreed. You needed to see all of them. You told him to please arrange for all the team members to be available to hang out and drink and eat and gossip and he was more than happy to start sending voice messages screaming in the group chat you all have together. It made you smile so hard that they were still the same crazy bunch and they still cared so much about you even after you left.

Since you have a big drive to do whenever you visit, you made a request to your boss to book next Thursday and Friday off so you could really enjoy a proper weekend with them and with your apartment. He approved and you were all set for next week. You were so excited too. You couldn’t hide it.

“I wonder if Y/N will ever get this excited to see us in the future” Hyunjin, another one of your team members spoke and it broke you out of your daydream and silly smile.

“Definitely not. We’re the rebound” Felix - your sweetest team member - chimed in.

“Hey! That’s unfair. I’ve never treated any of you like a rebound. How dare you?” you asked Felix and pouted.

Everyone laughed and your team meeting proceeded again without any incidents. Like you said, your team was great and if you hadn’t had the perfect team members before, maybe you could appreciate them more but you truly missed your people. You were so ready to come and see them.

The week went by fast and at last Wednesday arrived and you couldn't wait for the day to end for you to go home and get ready to leave. Before your day was done, your boss called you into his office to discuss something that apparently couldn’t wait until you got back.

“I know you have to leave and I’m sorry to call you in right now but it’s precisely because you are going to visit them over there that I wanted to get this out of the way before you left” he told you once you sat down in front of him.

“I’m not getting fired, am I? That would lead to a depressing weekend” you said jokingly and you both laughed.

“Not at all. This company will do the best they can to keep you around in any branch and you know that as well. You’re far too valuable. This is about the team lead situation you brought to light to me last week, actually” he told you and you sat there silently waiting for him to continue.

“After we talked about it, I brought it up to the head of HR and they actually talked to everyone at that branch including Seungkwan and his manager to understand what could be happening. It was determined that Seungkwan is not ready for a managerial position at that branch just yet. However, he still wanted to stay on as a team member for the marketing team and learn from the new team lead that joins their team instead of coming back to this branch” he added and you nodded.

“Now, as much as the possibility of losing you pains me personally, it’s up to me to let you know that the company is actually giving you the choice. Since you were the one that started bringing this to everyone’s attention and you were extremely successful in leading the team in the other branch before, they wanted to give you the opportunity to return to the branch as team lead if you wanted to”

“Return?” you asked confused.

Your manager laughed.

“Yes. You have one of two options. Return there as team lead and continue on where you left off with the team and to your success or stay here with us” he said and you looked down.

“Look, I know this branch isn’t working exactly as you thought it would for you. I’m not blind to that. Not only that but the opportunities that you were told you were getting here haven’t happened and won’t anytime soon. So even though I don’t want to lose you, I really want you to think it over”

“Does anyone else know about this? Team members, branches?” you asked him.

“No. The managers know but no one else. They will only be told after a decision is made. If you choose to stay with us, they will hire an outsider for the team lead position at the other branch. If you choose to return to your branch, we will most likely promote Chris as the team lead here” he answered you.

“Chris would be great as a team lead for this team. They all trust him and he has seen me do a lot of the team lead tasks so he’ll learn quickly” you told your manager.

“Does this mean you’re choosing to return to them then?” he asked you and you paused.

“No… I don’t know yet. Can I think this over the weekend? I’m assuming you also told me this today to have me think it over while I’m there” you said and laughed lightly.

“Of course and yes, that’s exactly why I told you. Monday we can discuss this more but go have fun and rest” he told you. You said your goodbyes for the weekend and went home to pack and get ready.

It’s funny. You spent most of this year wanting this opportunity to open up. And now that it’s here, you’re hesitating.

Going back there would mean facing a lot of things you left behind. Things you weren’t sure you were completely ready for just yet. Sure, you had been working on yourself and on making better decisions for yourself and on being more honest with everyone around you but you were still scared.

Returning also meant finding out what happened with Jeonghan this last year and you didn’t know if you were ready for that. If he was still dating Hana and you had to start seeing them together every day, you might lose your mind completely. Not knowing anything made you feel that maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you just like you were waiting for him. You didn’t want that delusion to be shattered by reality.

On the other hand, you missed everyone terribly. You missed the pacing of your job, your people, your apartment, your favorite restaurants. Would you really pass this opportunity up just because you were scared of getting your heart broken?

You haven’t decided yet. Maybe your manager is right. Seeing everyone and going back there can really help you make a final decision and the right decision for yourself personally and professionally.

The next day you were well rested and ready for the drive. All you could think about was seeing your apartment and lying in your bed.

As soon as you got to your apartment, you felt like a new person. You loved the feeling of coming home. Your actual home. You went out to get groceries and came back home to cook a nice meal and hang out at your place. You missed this so much, being by yourself in your home and binging a show on the couch. This was all you had planned for today.

Tomorrow you were meeting them at your usual place where you used to have most of your team building dinners. You missed that place too even if the last time you were there you were faced with Jeonghan and Hana on a date. You were not going to let them ruin a great restaurant for you. Tomorrow you would enjoy hanging out with everyone and hopefully get a better understanding of what the right decision is for you. For now, you’ll just enjoy your cozy home you missed so much.

The next day and a half went by fast and it was now Friday night and you were getting ready to go to dinner. You couldn’t wait to see them and get a little crazy. It’s been such a long while since you were all together like this.

You took a Uber and got to the restaurant a bit early but you were just too excited. As you were getting ready to go in, you heard Hoshi calling your name from across the street.

“Y/N! You’re early! Aren’t you a bit too excited to hang out with your favorite people in the entire world?? Simp” Hoshi yelled from across the street as Seokmin was still getting out of the Uber behind him.

“I missed this restaurant and I’m hungry. Don’t flatter yourself!” you yelled back and the three of you laughed.

Hoshi and Seokmin crossed the street and you finally hugged. You missed them so much.

“We should go in. Everyone else is already here and Shua was already texting me and being clingy. He really missed you” Seokmin said and started moving towards the entrance of the restaurant.

“Shua? You invited him? I thought it was just us” you said and your heart started beating rapidly inside your chest.

“Oh it wasn’t me, Y/N. Hoshi here invited the whole advertising team and they all accepted” Seokmin said as he smiled mischievously at Hoshi.

“Thanks, Seokmin…” Hoshi said and turned to you.

“You invited them? Why? Hoshi I wanted to hang out just us like the old days… I thought I was pretty clear…” you said and Seokmin patted Hoshi on the back and got in the restaurant leaving you both alone.

“Look, they overheard me and I felt bad not inviting them. Shua and Wonwoo talk about you all the time. They miss you too, Y/N”

“Why not invite just them then? Why everyone?” you asked. You were trying to look behind Hoshi into the restaurant but you couldn’t see the table you were all sitting at.

“Is this about Jeonghan? I thought you two were cool…” Hoshi asked as he scratched the back of his head.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I was just surprised. Thank you for getting everyone together, Hoshi”

He smiled and you both started to go into the restaurant and to the back towards your table. There were a lot of you so they placed your table at the back of the restaurant for more privacy. Also they knew your team well and how loud you could get with drinks in you so it was the overall best option for everyone.

“Stop everything! She has arrived!” Hoshi yelled as you two got to the table and almost everyone jumped.

“I will have a heart attack working with you people” someone you didn’t know spoke up and you stared at Hoshi.

“That’s our new team lead. He invited himself” Hoshi whispered to you.

“So you’re the one terrorizing these teams? Gotta say… Very impressive. Here I thought I was special but you can get everyone just as mad” you said and everyone laughed.

Jeonghan had been staring at you since the moment you walked up to the table. You could feel his eyes on you. You were trying to act normal in front of your team but you wanted to talk to him. Maybe tonight is not the best night to talk things over but you needed to at least understand if there even was a possibility of talking things over. You definitely don’t think you can come back if things are not resolved between the two of you.

Dinner with everyone was easy. Everyone was telling stories and telling you the updates for everything and you even got to know Seungkwan a bit more. He seemed like a wonderful guy. He was loud and he and Hoshi were always on each other’s nerves but if you were to come back, you could see this working well. He would make a wonderful addition as a team member.

Shua, Seungcheol and Wonwoo tried pretending to be upset with you for a bit but that all fell to pieces when you all got into your usual shenanigans. Another thing you realize now that you’re here is that you definitely neglected these three boys when you left. You completely lost touch with them and it wasn’t fair to them. You’re lucky they’re being merciful.

Silvia has gotten really close with Seokmin you can tell. It’s cute. She has always been the quiet one whenever your teams are together and it’s good to see she feels a bit more comfortable around everyone with Seokmin by her side.

Jeonghan didn’t say much throughout the dinner. He laughed sometimes and smiled but didn’t chime in much. You didn’t know what changed (if anything) in his life since you left. Maybe he was doing this on purpose. You wish you were brave enough to ask him directly in front of everyone.

As usual, Clara breaks you out of your thoughts by saying the most outrageous shit out of nowhere.

“So, Y/N… Be honest… Have you fucked that Chris guy on your team yet?”

There is a moment where everyone is silent and then a few seconds later of staring at each other everyone bursts out laughing.

“I missed your ridiculousness, Clara. Thank you, I really needed a good laugh” you said as you continued laughing.

“Oh come on! Seriously! What’s wrong with you? This guy was so fucking hot, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I went there. Almost requested a transfer instantly” Clara added and you kept laughing.

“How hot?” Sunny asked and everyone stared at her still laughing.

“Wow, I leave for a year and Sunny turns into Clara… Seungkwan, you gotta get a handle on the children” you said and Seungkwan laughed.

“Tall, muscular, Australian hunk. Sunny, literally one of the hottest men I’ve seen with my own two eyes and he was all over Y/N. I was so jealous… Why do you always get the hottest guys to be into you and you don’t even take advantage of it? Unfair” Clara answered Sunny and Sunny gasped.

“Do you have pictures?” Sunny asked.

“Of course, I have pictures of all my coworkers on my phone. Because that’s not creepy at all” you added and got up to use the restroom.

“I follow him on Instagram, let me show you” Clara said and you shook your head and continued going to the bathroom.

When you came back, Clara and Sunny were still looking at Chris’s Instagram page and drooling. They started telling you what an idiot you were for not even trying to date him and you just shrugged.

“But seriously, no boyfriends we should know about?” Shua asked and you were surprised by his question.

Everyone turned to you.

“No. Not really interested in dating at the moment. Still have a few things to resolve in that arena in my life before I even consider starting to date again” you answered honestly and you hoped Jeonghan picked up on what you were trying to say.

Shua caught that as well, smiled at you and looked at Jeonghan who was now staring at his empty plate.

Clara and Sunny booed at you and everyone moved on from that topic and continued to chat about changes or new things they purchased or hobbies they started after you left. You were trying hard to pay attention to them but you needed to talk to Jeonghan. He just didn’t seem interested in talking to you.

As you were trying to convince yourself to just go for it, Jeonghan got up and told everyone he had to leave and your heart sank. There goes your chance.

“Late date?” Clara asked as she raised her eyebrows at him and everyone laughed and started telling her off. You pretended to laugh but you didn’t find any of this funny.

“No” was all he said before saying his goodbyes and leaving. He didn’t even look at you before leaving. He was always so unfair. As far as he knows, you may never be back here again. He may never see you again. Yet, he doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t even care enough to tell you goodbye. Maybe coming back here would be a huge mistake if this is how you’re going to feel every day.

Seokmin snapped you back from your thoughts by squeezing your hand and smiling at you. He didn’t know about you and Jeonghan but he seemed to understand your sadness at that moment while everyone else didn’t notice anything.

You thought about maybe ending the night early but that wouldn’t be fair to anyone else there so you pushed through. You also deserved to have fun with your friends. You have plenty of time to be sad when you get home.

The rest of the night went by fast. The group moved from the restaurant to a karaoke bar and everyone was having a blast. You might have had too much to drink but you needed to stop thinking about Jeonghan and focus on your friends so alcohol it is. You were going to regret this tomorrow.

And regret it you did. You woke up with a huge hangover. Your head was pounding. Why did you drink this much? Oh yeah… Jeonghan. At least everyone seemed to have enjoyed the night. You should’ve drank more water though. You got up, took an ibuprofen, showered and decided to rest more until your headache went away.

It sounded like a good plan and was going great until someone decided to ruin your entire mood by ringing your doorbell. You tried ignoring it and turned around on your bed to go back to sleep but the doorbell kept ringing.

You got up and went to the door. Whoever it was, they better be ready for a fight. You were tired, angry, sad and out of patience for any nonsense today.

You didn’t even check the peephole. You get to the door and you swing it open, ready to fight and when you finally see who’s on the other side, you stop.

“Not a good morning, Y/N?” Jeonghan asks, laughing lightly.

You sigh and gesture at him to come in.

“What gave it away? The disheveled hair? The swinging the door open?” you asked as you sat on the couch.

“The general rage, yes. Had a good time last night after I left, huh?” he asked and he joined you on the couch.

“I forgot how insane they are when they drink. I missed everyone so much that I let myself get carried away. Mistake”

You both laughed. And then there was silence. You couldn’t take this anymore. It was now or never.

“Why did you ignore me last night? You barely said anything or even looked at me. You didn’t even say goodbye. That could’ve been the last time you saw me and you didn’t even say anything. Why?” you asked him.

“I’ll never be able to say goodbye to you, Y/N. I couldn’t do it a year ago and I can’t do it now” he answered without hesitation.

You nodded.

“Why did you come here today? You didn’t seem to be interested in talking to me yesterday” you asked again.

“It wasn’t easy seeing you. After all this time. I went there because I needed to see you but I didn’t know if I should be there. If you wanted me there. I didn’t want to ruin your night but I couldn’t not go. I was being selfish”

“So you decided to leave early yesterday and come here today and ruin a whole new day for me?” you asked in a playful tone but he didn’t laugh with you.

“I wanted to see you, Jeonghan. I know I wasn’t being obvious about it yesterday but everyone was there. I didn’t want to ruin the night for them. It was the first time we were all together in a long time. I couldn’t be selfish. But I wanted to be” you added to your previous statement.

He nodded.

“Then can we talk? Right now? It’s why I came here. There’s a lot of things we need to talk about. I should’ve done this earlier. Way before last year even. I’m a coward when it comes to you” Jeonghan said.

“Yes, please” you answered and you both smiled.

“I’ve never been the smoothest guy around. The guy that can easily talk to a girl he likes. I’ve always gotten weird and acted stupid. I don’t know why. And now I would like to think I’m better but back then when we met 6 years ago, I was still that stupid kid that didn’t know how to act when he liked a girl. That’s kind of why this started. Back then, when I first saw you, I wanted to get to know you more. You were so beautiful, I still remember what you were wearing the first day we met. But you didn’t seem to notice me. At all. The only time you acknowledged me was in an interdepartmental meeting when I made a snappy comment and you started getting snarky with me. I thought this was my shot. This is how you were going to notice me” he started and you scoffed.

“So you decided to be an asshole from then on? Why not just come to me and talk to me?” you asked.

“Like I said, I was a dumb kid. I wanted your attention but I wasn’t brave enough or confident enough to simply walk up to you and start a conversation so I decided having you mad at me was better than having you not know I even existed. Things went downhill fast from there. You were hating me more and more and I was… Liking you more and more. But after a year of this dynamic, I didn’t know how to stop it and just talk to you. Seungcheol always gave me so much shit for it. He kept saying I was going to regret not having talked to you and gotten to know you the proper way. That it was going to bite me in the ass and he was right” he sighed as he continued.

So that’s what Seungcheol meant when he asked you if you didn’t know why Jeonghan treated you this way. He knew all along of Jeonghan’s feelings for you and he probably thought you knew as well, somehow.

“Y/N, I’ve had feelings for you from day one. That’s why it hurt so much hearing you say you hated me even if I brought it on myself. When you gave me a chance to have you in my arms, even if it was just that night at the party, I didn’t hesitate. I couldn’t. I had wanted you for so long. Desperate for your attention. Part of me wishes I stopped myself from having you that night. I should’ve told you the truth right there but I couldn’t risk you leaving. I was selfish that night too”

You looked down and he sighed.

You didn’t know what to say. Even though this made sense, it also didn’t. You still had so many questions. You needed to know everything. No more fear. No more being a coward.

You looked back at Jeonghan.

“Why did you sleep with Hana then? If you had feelings for me from the start?” you asked and he laughed.

“Another stupid mistake I made because of my feelings for you” he said and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you remember the only year we had the Christmas party at the office? The one where the office almost got destroyed?” he asked and you nodded.

“Before that party I promised myself I was going to talk to you. Really talk. Maybe drunkenly confess my feelings for you and hope for the best. But you spent the first few hours of that party with Jackson. Smiling and laughing and having fun and I was fucking miserable watching you two. I started drinking a bit too much and when Hana came to me I thought ‘fuck it’. If you could live your life and probably end up dating Jackson, I could fuck whoever I wanted too. I didn’t really think about the consequences of sleeping with her until it was done. She told the whole office and the look of disgust you gave me when you found out was enough for me to realize that if I hadn’t ruined all my chances with you before, I definitely had then”

“You’re an idiot” you told him.

“I know” he agreed.

“Even if you regretted it afterwards, you seemed to have a good time. She said a lot of things about that night. Hard to believe you cared about me that much but fucked her that good. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic that doesn’t understand fucking without feelings” you said and you looked down.

You know you wanted the truth but you had forgotten how much the truth could hurt.

“You fucked me and you hated me though” he said and you scoffed.

“You really are an idiot…” you said and sighed.

He looked at you with a puzzled look in his eyes.

“Don’t look so confused. I’ll explain my side soon. Continue” you told him.

“About what she said, it was all lies. I may have been drunk but I remember that night clearly. It was terrible. I didn’t even put in an effort. I didn’t care. I was picturing you the whole time, I’m actually surprised I didn’t say your name. Probably because nothing felt good. I just wanted to get it over with. When we were done, I left immediately without even saying a word to her. I was disgusted with myself. I went to sleep that night hoping you would never find out about it. You know I’m like you, I know you’ve heard it around the office too. I don’t just fuck people, I don’t do the fuck buddy thing. I’ve always been looking for the real deal. I will always regret that night” he said and you started to understand him a bit more, but there were still a couple of things on your mind when it came to Hana.

“Why let her hang around you all the time at the office? If you were mad about her telling everyone and if you really weren’t interested, why let her follow you around and grab you whenever she wants?” you asked.

He smiled at you.

“The first time she did it in front of you, it seemed like you were jealous. I didn’t know if it was wishful thinking on my part, but the look in your eye when she started touching me gave me hope. Again, I’m an idiot, I know” he answered and now it actually made you laugh lightly.

“Can’t argue with that” you said and he laughed with you.

“Last question about her and I think you know what’s coming” you said and he sighed and nodded.

“If all of this is true, what happened when I met you both at the restaurant? She said you were on a date. Why?”

“This one is actually an easy one to answer. We were never on a date. Woozi in IT invited me out for dinner and drinks to join their team dinner since I wasn’t doing so well and I agreed. When the time of the dinner came, everyone else canceled except her so I was stuck with her. Not sure if it was her plan all along but I know Woozi wouldn’t do that to me so I guess it worked in her favor somehow. I decided to stay because I was hungry and tired and wanted a drink and then we ran into you. When she said it was a date, I really wanted to say something different but the look in your eyes… I knew I needed to explain myself outside of that situation. You weren’t going to let me do it there specially since you were late for your team dinner”

He does know you well. You would’ve left either way that night. What you still don’t understand is why he didn’t tell you all of this before you left.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this? Why did you let me leave thinking you were fucking me while dating her?” you finally asked.

“Before that restaurant situation, you had been distancing yourself from me. I didn’t know why but I was too scared to find out. I thought maybe you were done. With us. With me. I didn’t think you would want to hear anything from me anymore. And when you also didn’t reach out or asked for an explanation about Hana, I thought that meant you didn’t care. I thought you didn’t care if I was dating her or not because we were just fucking. I thought if I reached out and told you the truth, you were going to tell me it was just sex. That it was never more than that between us. I didn’t want to hear that”

“So you let me leave? No goodbye. No explanation. Just a text. How do you think I felt when you did that?” you asked with tears in your eyes now.

“I know how much I fucked up. After sending that text and staring at my phone, I realized I would rather let you know the whole truth even if it meant you rejecting me than this. I drove to your place but when I got there, you were gone” he added and he also had tears in his eyes now.

“Why didn’t you ever call me? Or even texted me? Why not tell me all of this even if I was away?” you asked him as you cried softly.

“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me. You had this new life now in a different city with new people. I thought you were over whatever happened with us”

“I spent this whole year thinking about you” you said and he nodded sadly.

There was a silence in the room with you now.

He had told you the whole truth. Since the very first day. No more hiding.

It was your turn now but you didn’t even know where to start so you told him just that.

“Thank you for telling me this now. I also have some explaining to do but I don’t even know where to start…”

“From the beginning. From when we met, please. I need to know” Jeonghan told you and you agreed.

“I thought you were the most beautiful human I’d ever seen. When we first met. I’m also not the best at talking to people I like. I usually don’t, at all. I stay away and just enjoy the person from afar. It seems easier than being rejected. Adding that to how obsessed I was with the company and being hired there, I guess it would have seemed like I didn’t notice you at all. But I did. Which is why I was so pissed every time you were an asshole to me. Not only was the career I dreamed of taking a hit but the guy I had a crush on apparently wanted to destroy my career” you said and laughed.

He laughed with you.

You were both idiots.

“After that, I accepted that you just hated me. I had to move on or I would end up breaking my own heart. So I told myself that I hated you. I would hate you from then on and treat you exactly like you were treating me. I spent years avoiding what I really felt about you. It seemed easier that way. I needed to focus on my career and ignore whatever was going on with you. It was the smartest decision for me” you told him and continued.

“I didn’t realize all of this until I left though. Being away and getting a therapist helped me realize all of my feelings for you. Made me understand what I did wrong and what I wish I could change. Distancing myself from you after our last night here was a huge mistake. But at the time I was confused. I still thought I didn’t like you at all so how could I let you in here. I didn’t want to see the truth. I wasn’t ready for it. It’s easier now, even if it hurts, knowing exactly what my feelings for you are” you added.

“Is that why you didn’t say anything after the restaurant incident?” he asked you.

“Yeah. I had already been distant from you trying to sort out my feelings and when I saw you with her I made my decision. Maybe it was best if we stopped whatever it was we were doing. Then when we didn’t speak after that and my manager gave me the option to leave, again, it seemed easier than trying to deal with everything. I used my career as an excuse but I just wasn’t ready to face this. I am now” you answered.

You were trying to explain everything to him but sometimes it’s hard to put all of this in words. It’s been 6 years of confusion and misunderstandings. Where do you go from here?

“I don’t want to ask this but what about Jackson? What happened at the Christmas party?” he asked and it surprised you.

“Honestly I don’t even remember that party at all. I don’t remember spending that much time with Jackson. I never liked him and I always knew he was just trying to fuck me. I was nice to him at first but I guess over time I lost patience and that’s why now it may be more obvious of how not interested I am” you told him and he nodded.

“And Chris?” he asked in a more hushed voice.

You laughed.

“Chris is a great guy. And he has told me he’s interested in me. I told him no. I still had things from my past to sort out and wasn’t interested. He understood. We’re friends. Sure, he still hopes one day I’ll give him a chance but I already told him many times not to wait for that” you said and he smiled.

You smiled too.

You weren’t sure if there was anything else he wanted to know but it seems most of your past issues have been explained on both sides. Past has been resolved in a way. But what about the future? Is there a future? You’re trying to figure out how to ask this question when he interrupts your thoughts.

“What about now? What happens now? You’re still living far away, it would be tricky but I want to see you again. And a lot more. Maybe we can go back to how things were between us…” Jeonghan said and the last part he said with more nervousness in his tone.

Thing is… He still didn’t say what his feelings were. He said he liked you but that could mean anything. Now he wants to go back to how things were? No… That’s not what you want at all. You thought you had been clear.

“No, I don’t want to go back to how things were. I know that for sure” you told him and his smile fell from his face.

“Oh… Hmm… Okay… I thought that was what we both wanted. I guess I got that wrong” he said as he started to get up from the couch and move towards the door.

“Wait, where are you going? You didn’t let me finish” you said as you followed behind him.

“No, I get it. I thought things could go back to that but they can’t. We’ve been hurting each other for so long. I wouldn’t want to be with me either. Sorry. I should go. I’m meeting Seungcheol for lunch but thanks for listening to me” he said as he left your apartment.

You were left alone, in the middle of your living room, confused and staring at your door.

‘What the hell just happened?’ you asked yourself. You thought the conversation was going well. You were both reaching an agreement so why would he leave. He didn’t even let you explain what you meant when you said you didn’t want things to go back to the way things were. Was that all he wanted from this? To explain everything and then go back to just fucking each other? Why was he always so confusing? Things between two people aren’t supposed to be this difficult. You can’t even hold a conversation without misunderstandings. How was this ever going to work?

You were left confused and wondering what any of it meant for the both of you.

The rest of the weekend went by fast. You met up with some of the guys for lunch and just to hang out and Sunday came fast. Before you knew it, it was time to leave again. You couldn’t leave without trying to understand what went wrong and what you said that made Jeonghan leave so abruptly. You decided to call him. He didn’t answer so you texted him.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you and do this on short notice but I would really like to see you before I have to leave today. I feel like our conversation ended and you left on another misunderstanding. Can you please, make some time for me today? I have to leave by 6PM, the latest. I’m free the rest of the day. Let me know, okay?”

Nothing.

He didn’t answer the text. He never called you back.

It was 6:30PM and you were still in your apartment staring at your phone, waiting for him.

Crying, you pick up your bags and get ready to leave.

This would never work. He is unable to resolve things by talking. He always runs away from you. You would end up getting your heart broken in the future.

Not that your heart isn’t broken right now. You opened up to him and told him the whole truth and somehow he chose to listen to the wrong thing and leave. This time you were proud of yourself though. You reached out to him and you tried to resolve everything before having to leave again. It was his choice to not listen. There’s only so much you can do. Relationships are a two way street. You can’t keep fighting for something while the other person simply gives up and walks away. It’s exhausting and you will always end up in tears.

Maybe this was for the best.

That four hour drive was done listening to sad songs and trying to tell yourself you’ll be just fine. You still had no fucking clue of what you wanted to do. Even though you had an amazing time with everyone including the new guy, this situation with Jeonghan might prove to be a little too much for you to handle.

You needed to sleep on this and hope your boss didn’t ask you for your answer first thing in the morning.

The next day you went to work and went back to normal. The usual meetings, usual coachings, usual schedule. It felt normal.

By the end of the day you still didn’t know what to do. You missed everything about the other branch, city and people. But you didn’t know if your heart could take any more hits. Going back there wasn’t going to be easy.

You were split.

It was the end of the day and you were packing up to go home. Your boss hasn’t mentioned it at all. You talked about work during the day and he checked-in with you and the team but he didn’t ask you anything else. You felt relieved. Maybe he would give you more time before making a final decision.

As you reached for the door of your office to leave, there’s a knock.

It was your boss.

Fuck. You knew it was too good to be true.

“Hey again, Y/N. Going home?” he asked you.

“Yup. Not a fan of overtime especially when the work's all done” you told him and you both laughed.

“Look, I don’t want to pressure you but we have their branch breathing down our necks. They need an answer asap. I assume you don’t have one yet since you didn’t talk to me about it but just a heads up, they might contact you directly if you take too long deciding” he let you know and you sighed.

“I want to go back. Nothing against this branch but it’s just a bit too slow paced for me. You’re a great manager and I’ve really enjoyed my time here but it’s been difficult adjusting even to my apartment. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier today. Not gonna lie, before this moment, I had no clue what I wanted but as soon as you asked me I knew what the answer was” you answered him and he laughed.

“I get it. You and that team are the dream team. Hard to move on from that when that’s what you love. I don’t hold it against you. We can let the team here know tomorrow so that you can start helping Chris with stepping into the role, is that okay?”

“Of course but this soon? When do I have to leave by?” you asked a bit surprised on how fast this was moving.

“They want you back there asap. I don’t blame them either. I’ll let them know of your decision and let’s say two weeks? Would that be enough time for Chris to get prepared? What do you think as his current team lead?”

“That’s more than enough time. Like I told you before, Chris was already aware and saw me do a lot of the team lead’s tasks. It should be an easy adjustment for him” you said and he nodded.

“Alright, then! Have a good night and we’ll meet with your team first thing in the morning” your manager told you as he walked out with you.

“One more thing… Can we not tell the team over there? I wanted to surprise them, if that’s okay?” you asked your manager and he laughed again.

“I’m okay with it. Let me ask them over there and I’ll let you know tomorrow, yeah?” he answered you and you nodded.

You got to your apartment, sat down on the couch and started laughing.

You have no idea what came over you but when your manager asked what you wanted to do, you couldn’t help but say you wanted to go back. This whole thing with Jeonghan won’t be easy and you will hurt but at least you’ll be around the people you love most in the world, in your comfy home that you love so much.

You couldn’t wait to leave.

The next two weeks went by so slow. Every day seemed to drag on forever. This was how bad you wanted to go back.

Your team was sad but they understood your decision and they were also super excited about having Chris step up.

You spent those two weeks helping Chris and preparing him for the role and by the end he was full on taking care of the team while you shadowed along. Maybe that’s why the days went by even slower at the end. You were watching Chris do your job and reporting to your manager but you weren’t doing much more.

Your manager was able to convince the other branch about keeping this a secret for now. Seungkwan was informed and he also promised to not say anything since he knew what this meant for you all. He may have only spent that one night around all of you but it was clear to him you belonged there with the team and that he still had a lot to learn before stepping up at that branch.

It was difficult not to say anything in the group chat specially since your team figured out some moves in the team were going to happen but they just didn’t know what and they kept talking about it and speculating. They were suspicious it had to do with Seungkwan since they all filed the same complaint with HR but they weren’t sure since Seungkwan wouldn’t tell them either.

The day before you left you had dinner with Chris and the boys to say goodbye. They were a great team, really. You just didn’t belong here with them. You hoped the best for them and you knew Chris would grow a lot more in the future if he kept working the way he had.

The next day you drove home. Home. Felt good to say and to think about. You couldn’t wait to get there.

You had to be careful once you got there though. You didn’t want to get caught and be told on before Monday. Clara lives very close to you so grocery shopping was going to be a risk but you had to risk it because there was no way you weren’t going to cook and enjoy some nice home cooked meals.

Those days went by fast and so far no one had found out you were back and would be back working at the branch.

When you got to the office, you went straight to your manager’s office and as soon as you walked in, you two shared a huge hug. She had missed you just as much as you had missed her. Having another woman team lead to fight Jeonghan’s manager was much needed since he had been on a whole other level after you left.

Part of you thinks your manager asked the whole office to join the meeting so that she could rub it in his face that you were back permanently to make his life hell if needed.

The time for the meeting was finally here and your heart was beating fast. You’re excited to see your team’s reaction but also you can’t deny that you want to see how Jeonghan reacts.

How can something so simple be so terrifying?

When everyone was gathered in the big conference room, your manager started the meeting by saying there would be a few changes happening in the marketing team. She kept her speech short and gave Seungkwan the floor.

“So as you guys know, I transferred here from a much slower branch. When I was team lead there things were very different. I adjusted well and got along well with everyone. Here, things have been tricky. Even though I get along with my team on a personal level, things have been less than ideal on a professional level. When all of this became clear to all of us, I was approached by my manager and I was informed I was going to be replaced here as team lead. I could either choose to stay here as a member of the marketing team, or go back to my previous branch as team lead” he paused then and everyone started looking around in confusion. Probably because they knew you were the team lead at that branch so what did this all mean?

“Well, I chose to stay here as a team member. I wanted to learn from the new team lead whoever that was. Initially I didn’t know who that was. The final decision hadn’t been made but once I found out who it was, I was incredibly happy to be working and learning from her. I don’t want to prolong this anymore than I already have so let’s all please, welcome the new team lead for our marketing team!” he said and started clapping.

Everyone else joined and started to look around trying to find the person who was replacing Seungkwan.

You got in the room from behind your manager and as soon as Hoshi’s eyes landed on you, he ran to you and picked you up while screeching like an insane bird.

“Put me down, you maniac!” you said and as soon as he did everyone from your team ran up to hug you.

“Better surprise than last time?” you asked and they all nodded.

You were all in your little world and your manager interrupted you.

“Not to ruin this family reunion but do you have a few words for everyone?” she asked.

“I’m not very good at these things as you probably found out last time so I don’t have a lot to say. It was a good experience over there but not enough for me professionally. Also I missed my team and my home. And now I’m back so I’m looking forward to working and/or fighting some of you” you said and everyone laughed.

You found Jeonghan in the back behind everyone. He had a blank expression on his face and as soon as your manager told everyone they could go, he was the first one out the door.

You were disappointed but not surprised. This reaction was very him.

Shua, Wonwoo and Seungcheol ran up to you and welcomed you back. Told you they missed you. Silvia was a bit more chill about it but you could tell she was happy mostly because Seokmin was happy to have you back. You’ll take it either way.

From then on everything went back to normal. Usual team meetings, usual interdepartmental meetings, usual lunch with everyone. After three weeks, it felt like you had never left. Seungkwan was a great addition to your team just like you thought. He may have not been ready for the team lead position but he was an extraordinary team member to your team.

Everything went back to what it was supposed to be. You were so happy to be back even if things with Jeonghan stayed the same. He never answered that text and never called you back and ever since you came back, he never spoke to you. You talked during meetings but about work only. He seemed to have found a good balance of being an asshole and simply accepting your teams’ proposals when they made perfect sense. Everything was going great but somehow, when you were alone in your office and at home, you still felt empty.

Right now you were in your office, looking out the window. The day has been going okay so far, you just didn’t feel good. It seems the more time passes like this between you and Jeonghan, the worse you feel every single day.

As you were almost falling asleep in your chair staring out the window, there was a knock at your door. You asked them to come in and to your surprise, Shua walks through the door.

“May I come in and sit? Do you have a few minutes to chat, Y/N?”

“Hmm… Yeah, go ahead. Surprisingly, it’s been a slow day. What do you need to talk to me about? Is it about the Privé campaign proposal?”

“Actually it’s not work related. It’s personal” he said and you started to get nervous.

You gulped.

“Okay” was all you said.

“Look, I don’t know how your conversation went the last time you were here before you moved back but he’s been miserable since then. From what I can tell so far, you haven’t been doing much better so forgive my intrusion but what the hell happened that day?” Shua asked and you just broke down.

You started sobbing. He locked your office door and came back to you to hug you.

You got up from the chair and you both moved to the couch in your office.

“Sorry” you said as he handed you the tissue box from your desk before sitting back down again next to you.

“I don’t know what happened. We were talking and then he just left out of nowhere. Then Sunday I asked him to meet with me so we could fix whatever misunderstanding this was and he ignored both my call and text. He hasn’t spoken to me since that day. I wanted to know what made him leave but he won’t give me the chance” you told him and you tried to stop crying.

“He told me you confessed to him and then turned him down. It didn’t make sense to me at the time but he’s sure you rejected him” Shua said and you looked back at him confused.

“I didn’t reject him, Shua. I told him no when he asked if things could go back to the way they were before with us because that’s not what I want. I… Have feelings for him. Why would I want to go back to being fuck buddies or whatever the fuck we were before?” you asked and you hoped he would understand what you meant.

“You love him and you wanted a relationship… You weren’t rejecting him, you were rejecting being fuck buddies…” he said as he looked around and scoffed.

“Love is a strong word” you told him and sighed.

“Is it though? Look at you two. You’re both miserable and for what? You should be together, Y/N. How much longer are you going to keep hurting each other?” he asked and you got offended.

“Hurting each other? He’s the one that keeps making shit decisions and not listening to me. Even when I reach out to him, he pushes me away. He’s the one constantly breaking my heart and I’m the one stupid enough to keep letting him” you said as you got up back to your desk.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I’m just tired of watching you both fight this. I know you’re tired of trying and being the one pushing but maybe you should do it one last time. Tell him what you told me and make sure he understands you can’t be the only one fighting for the two of you. That he can’t run away any time he thinks he heard something he doesn’t like”

“Is it worth it, Shua? To keep fighting? There’s always been misunderstandings between us, something always happens to break us apart. Maybe it’s a sign we just shouldn’t be together. Being with someone shouldn’t be this difficult. I know a good relationship means hard work but this is too much. I can’t keep fighting for someone who just runs away every time. Just avoids the issue and ignores me. No relationship can survive that”

“I’m a firm believer that nothing good comes easy. You have to put in the work. And I know he fucked up more than once and you’ve been the one carrying all of this but are you really going to let him go just because of this? A silly misunderstanding about him not getting you wanted a relationship? Think about it. He’s a literal man, Y/N. He needs things spelled out to him most times, specially when it comes to the person he loves most in the world. You’ve been through so much together that his mind just picks the negative and runs. It’s not your fault but if you think this relationship could be the real deal, try one more time. Tell him everything. Clearly, with no room for misunderstandings”

You nodded and he nodded back.

He got up to leave and as he was unlocking your office door and leaving he turned back.

“Just think about it, please, Y/N” he said and left.

When you got home that night, it was all you could think about.

You wish you could ask someone. You had never told anyone about you and Jeonghan so you didn’t have anyone to talk to about this and share their opinion. You didn’t know if you should either. This is a decision you need to make by yourself.

You spent the night thinking it over and you decided it was time to be brave and grow up. You wouldn’t do this through text or call. Tomorrow morning you were going straight to his office and you’re going to lay your cards on the table. You’re going to tell him what an asshole he is and that this is his last chance. If he wants it, he’ll have to put in the work from now on. No more running. No more ignoring you. Open communication or it’s not even worth starting anything back up between the two of you.

You couldn’t sleep very well. You woke up nervous and angry. You rushed to the office so you could be there early and talk to him before the day started. But of course, nothing ever goes to plan when it comes to Jeonghan, and your manager called you in to talk about the new accounts that were joining the company and what you and your team should expect from them.

By the time you and your manager were done with that small meeting, everyone was already in the office and working hard. Shit. Should you do this now or later? Fuck it, you need this to be over with. You can’t suffer like this anymore.

You went to his office and of course, the first thing you are greeted with is Hana with her paws all over him, twirling his tie in her hand and laughing. He looked bored. He was leaning against his desk. He still let her do it though and you were beyond angry.

You knocked on his open door and cleared your throat.

He looked up and when he saw it was you, he gulped and tried moving away from Hana.

“Can’t you see we’re busy?” Hana asked you with disdain.

You’re being tested. ‘Please, do not choose murder, please. Stay calm’ you told yourself as you walked in his office towards them.

“Hands off and fuck off, Hana. Don’t you have work to do? As far as I know this is a fucking office so act professional and not like a hormonal teenager or I’ll report you to your team lead and to HR” you told her and she gasped.

Jeonghan just kept looking between the two of you and removed his tie from her hand.

“Jeonghan, say something!” she said as she turned to him and crossed her arms.

You looked at Jeonghan with a tilted head and raised your eyebrows.

“Get out, Hana. Go back to work. You shouldn’t have been here in the first place” he told her as he finally moved away from her completely and sat down on his desk chair.

She scoffed, flipped her hair, looked you up and down and finally left.

You closed his office door behind her and turned back to him.

“Am I just going to have to see that forever or do you plan on telling her to stop it anytime soon? I guess old habits die hard, huh?” you asked as you sat down in front of him.

“I’m sorry” was all he told you.

“Getting fucking sick of hearing that. I need to talk to you and you seem to ignore me through text and phone calls and even around here so you left me no choice. Do you have time now or do you want me to leave?” you asked and he stayed silent.

“Just know that if you tell me to leave, it will be the last fucking time I’ll give you the chance to push me away, so choose wisely” you continued and waited for his answer.

He continued to stay silent.

So be it.

You got up and started to leave his office.

“Stop, please. I’m sorry. Stay. Yes. Let’s talk” he said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you back, closer to him.

“I’m going to make this simple. Joshua talked to me yesterday. He told me you said I rejected you. You really need to start listening to what I say, Jeonghan. I didn’t reject you or your feelings. What I told you was that I did not want to go back to being fuck buddies. I wanted more for us. But you didn’t let me say that. You just got up and left with an assumption that I was rejecting you” you said and you could see the cogs starting to turn in his brain. He was realizing he had fucked up yet again.

“And because I was confused and didn’t understand why you left the way you did, I reached out to you. I wanted to talk it over before I left. I wanted to make everything clear between us and you ignored me again. I waited for you in my home and you didn’t even text back. That really fucking hurt” you continued and you started to cry now.

“You know that weekend I had already been given a choice to either stay there or come back here. After what happened with us, after you broke my heart again, I almost stayed there. But I chose to come back because I was always happier here. Whatever was going on with us, I couldn’t let that stop me so I came back. And you didn’t give a shit. You were the first to leave the meeting and you haven’t spoken a word to me in weeks”

You were getting angrier now. He needed to understand this was his absolute last chance and you were going to make sure you got through to him.

“When Shua talked to me yesterday, he said I should try one more time. Telling you everything clearly so that were no more misunderstandings. I didn’t want to. I can’t be the only one fighting and pushing through the misunderstandings. We can’t keep having these misunderstandings. I deserve better than getting hurt all the time because you won’t talk to me. You just run and ignore the issue and break both of our hearts. You need to choose, Jeonghan. Either you start taking responsibility and we start a mature relationship where we talk to each other about everything that is bothering us or maybe, if you don’t think it’s worth it or you’re not strong enough, we just end everything now. Completely. We’ll be nothing more than coworkers”

This was it.

You were done.

He had all the information he needed to make his choice.

No more ambiguity, no more uncertainty. He needed to choose to either fight for your relationship and stop being scared or let you go.

“You don’t have to answer me right now but--”

He stopped you from talking by kissing you.

His hands were holding your face as he kissed you and you kissed him right back.

You missed him so much. He was such an asshole for torturing you both.

He backed you both up against the back wall of his office and he kept kissing you hard.

You stayed like that for a while. Until your phone started to ring in your pocket.

It was Hoshi. He probably couldn’t find you and he needed you.

“I need to go” you whispered against his lips and he kissed you again.

You started laughing.

“Seriously, I have to go. That’s a yes on the relationship then?” you asked, still holding him.

“Fuck yes, absolutely. I will never let you down again, that’s a fucking promise, angel”

“It better be. Let’s take it slow, yeah? I know that’s a bit of a cliché but I want us to start fresh. Going on dates, getting to know each other. Since we’re both hopeless romantics after all” you said and you both smiled.

“Anything you want, angel”

You left his office and met with Hoshi who was freaking out about something Seungkwan had said. These two will drive you insane but nothing matters right now. All you can think about is Jeonghan. You wondered how things were going to progress between you two from now on.

After a few weeks, you and Jeonghan were doing great. He started by leaving you coffee on your desk every morning with a note and he always checked on you during the day. You had lunch together every day (with your teams but still) and he took you out on dates almost every day.

It may have been too much for some people but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and he felt the same. You had dinner together almost every day and you spent the weekends together. You had gone to amusement parks, gone on hikes, you had picnics by the river and so many other good things.

You were slowly getting to know each other and your feelings for him were growing more and more every day. You hoped he felt the same way.

You had been honest with each other about everything. You told him you needed him to put a stop to Hana following him around and being all over him. It made you uncomfortable and he agreed that was a door he needed to close permanently for both of you but also for Hana’s sake. So she could move on. He always talked to you every time he felt insecure or scared and you helped him through it. Your dynamic stayed the same. Always challenging each other and being snarky but you both loved it that way.

You had even met each others’ families already. It was funny watching your families react to you and him dating. You both talked so much shit about each other to your families that everyone was confused when you told them. His sister seemed to be the only one that knew this was exactly how you and him were going to end up.

There were a few things you haven’t done so far. You haven’t told anyone in the office, well except Shua and Seungcheol. And, you haven’t slept together yet. It just didn’t happen. You had been so focused on doing things right and getting to know him that that part hadn’t really been on your mind too much. You already knew that side of him and sure, you missed it but you didn’t want to rush anything. He seemed to feel the same way since he hadn’t made any moves towards that at all. You also haven’t told each other those three words. You wanted to. You knew you loved him. It was clear. It had been clear for a while but you were still scared about that. He hasn’t said them either which has surprised you so far but you understand. He’s probably just as scared as you are.

Next Friday was the regularly scheduled end of quarter party at your company. It was at the usual place, at the usual time and you wanted to be able to enjoy it with Jeonghan but the office still doesn’t know so you decided to ask him about it.

You went to his office during the day and brought it up.

“I was thinking… Maybe we can tell people… In the office… I wanted to go with you to the party and I can’t do that if we keep hiding this…”

“I would like that very much. I’ve wanted to do that since day one, angel”

You smiled and kissed him.

He pulled you closer to stand between his legs and you made a bolder move and straddled him on his desk chair while you kept kissing.

He pulled away from you and held your face with his hands. You moved to kiss him again and he laughed and stopped you.

“Hey… Look at me, angel…”

You stared into his eyes deeply.

“I love you, Y/N” he said and he gulped. He was nervous. It was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your fucking life. You smiled hard.

“I love you too, Jeonghan”

He smiled just as hard as you and he started to kiss you again. Hard. One of his hands had now moved to your ass and he was pushing you on his cock. He was hard. You telling him you loved him back got him hard. That was fucking hot.

Your kiss started to get more and more heated but neither of you could stop. Not now knowing that you loved each other. Finally hearing it from each others lips was the last straw and you got reminded of how much you missed fucking him. You could feel how desperate he was for you too and you both just couldn’t stop what was happening, neither did you want to.

“Y/N, we need your approval on this. Can you--”

Hoshi and your team barged into Jeonghan’s office and you jumped away from Jeonghan so fast. But not fast enough. Jeonghan started laughing and moving his chair towards his desk to cover his very prominent boner.

You were all silent. Hoshi, Seokmin and Seungkwan looked horrified while Clara and Sunny were smirking behind them.

“Hey, what’s going on? Why is everyone just standing here?” Joshua asked as he walked by Jeonghan’s office and saw the crowd.

He looked into the office and immediately realized you two had been caught red-handed.

“Oh… You should really lock your doors, guys” he said as he laughed and Jeonghan laughed with him. You affectionately slapped his shoulder for him to stop.

“I need to go wash my eyes” Hoshi said but didn’t move.

“I knew it! I mean I didn’t know it but very nice, Y/N. We have to talk” Clara added and Sunny laughed and nodded.

You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out. We were actually going to tell you about it today” you said.

“Before or after you defiled his office?” Seokmin asked you and everyone laughed.

“Definitely after” Jeonghan answered and you were ready to kick his ass.

“Come on, let’s get back to work. We can talk about it later” you said and started to leave. You gestured at your team to follow you.

“Oh we’re talking now, screw work” Sunny said and everyone agreed.

“This is why I didn’t tell you sooner” you added and they all laughed.

You told them the truth about everything with you and Jeonghan. Except what Clara and Sunny wanted to know. That, you didn’t say shit about. They were not happy about it.

Nothing changed from then on out. Everyone knew but it didn’t change any dynamic. Just some added jokes about you two angry fucking each other after your usual disagreements at interdepartmental meetings.

You also informed HR about your relationship and followed all the right steps. Soon enough, everyone at the office knew. Most people were surprised but nice about it. There were a few that were angry and doing their best to ruin your relationship either by creating rumors or trying to get in between you two. Hana and Jackson. Jackson was being an asshole but he wasn’t pushing anyones boundaries or creating issues. Hana on the other hand, was trying her best to ruin this for you two.

She started rumors about him still fucking her. She constantly tried to touch him and follow him around. It was frustrating but all you could do was report her to HR and move on. It had only been a few days but she was working hard trying to break you two up. It didn’t matter. You trusted Jeonghan and he always stopped her and her rumors whenever he heard them. You two agreed she would eventually stop. This was still fresh to everyone and she needed to get it out of her system.

You and Jeonghan were really good now and nothing she could do would change that.

Friday came fast and you were excited. This quarter was a rollercoaster but you were happy to be back here at this branch with the people you loved, in your home that you loved so much as well.

Jeonghan joined you and Clara in the Uber and you met up with everyone there.

You sat at the same table you had last time, with the same people, but so much has changed.

This time around, you were in love with the one you claimed to hate before. You were here with him and you were going to enjoy this completely.

Everyone was drinking and having fun. Dinner and the awards started and it was just as fun as you remembered. You had gone to a few end of quarter parties at the other branch and you never had this much fun. This was the best. This was where you belonged. With these people. With this team. With him. You were so happy right now, words couldn’t begin to explain it.

The awards had just ended and they were getting ready for the DJ set to start and you decided to get a refill on your drink.

When you came back to the table, Jeonghan wasn’t there. You checked your phone just in case and he had texted you.

“Join me. You know where”

You smiled and got up to go meet Jeonghan in the room you first started this whole thing in.

You walked in and locked the door behind you.

Jeonghan was sitting on the sofa by the window that you sat on last time. He was in the dark again, just like last time.

You walked towards him and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, looking out the window.

He looked at you and you smiled still staring at the window.

“Getting sentimental, baby?” you asked, still looking out the window.

“Hopeless romantic. Remember, angel?” he asked and you laughed.

You looked at him and you stayed there looking at each other silently for a while until he sat up.

“Come closer, angel. You’re too far away from me”

You moved closer to him. As close as you could. He pushed your hair behind your ear and kissed you. Softly. Like he was scared you were going to break. This felt different. He was trying to show you in actions how he felt about you. You kissed him back and held his free hand in yours.

He started to deepen the kiss and you let him.

You moved to lay down and pulled him with you.

He was on top of you kissing you and you locked your legs around his waist.

You were already wet and he was hard. It had been too long since you had been together like this. You were being desperate for him and you knew he felt the same.

You reached down and started stroking his cock through his clothes and he whined.

“Don’t play with me, angel” he told you as he stopped kissing you.

You continued to stroke him through his clothes and he was panting and moaning into your mouth. You bit your lip. He was so sexy. You were losing your mind.

He pulled your hand away from his cock and pushed your dress up your body.

Jeonghan took your panties off and put them in his jacket pocket. From his other jacked pocket, he took out a condom and threw his jacket on the floor.

He moved down and kissed your thighs and your mound. Close to where you wanted him but not quite there. After a while of this, he started to leave bruises on your thighs. Fuck, you were wetter and wetter.

“I can see you clenching around nothing, angel. Are you that desperate for me?”

“Yes… Hannie, please… No more waiting…” you told him breathlessly.

“Fuck…”

He got up from the sofa and took his pants and underwear off. He moved back to the sofa and started fingering you slowly. He kept kissing your neck and all you did was moan and run your hands through his hair. He started scissoring his fingers inside you. He was impatient and you both knew it had been a while. He wanted to be inside you now and he needed to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt you.

“I love you” you moaned.

He stopped kissing your neck and kissed your lips deeply again. More forceful this time around.

He pulled away.

“I love you too, Y/N”

He put the condom on and started to tease your hole with his cock.

You whined.

“I don’t want to hurt you, angel. It’s been a while. Let me know if it’s too much, yeah?”

“Just get inside me, please… You’re driving me crazy, Hannie”

“Will you be a good angel for me then?”

“Always” you moaned and he pushed the head of his cock inside of you.

He was going slow. Rubbing circles on your clit, kissing you and with every stroke he pushed more of his cock inside you.

You started getting louder as he got deeper inside you.

“Not gonna gag me this time?” you asked and he laughed.

He moved closer to your lips.

“Let them hear it” he whispered and you both laughed together.

You pulled him down for a kiss and he pushed his cock all the way in until he bottomed out. You were moaning together against each other's lips.

After a few seconds, he started his pace.

Short, deep strokes, hitting the right spot. He knew your body so well. He still remembered exactly what to do to drive you crazy.

You were both loud. Moaning and panting. Not giving a shit about anyone outside of that room.

He grabbed one of your hands and interlaced it with his.

He kept fucking you hard and whispering how much he loved you. You whispered and moaned it back to him.

You were both close and you knew it.

He increased the pace of his fingers on your clit and increased the pace of his strokes as well.

You started squeezing his cock and you could feel yourself closer and closer.

Jeonghan squeezed your hand and moved to whisper in your ear.

He told you he loved you but when he said he would never let you go again, it pushed you over the edge and you came. Hard. It felt different this time. More tangible. Stronger.

When you came down from your high, his strokes were slower and he was looking in your eyes.

You pulled him in to lay on top of you and held him impossibly close.

Much like he did to you, you whispered in his ear and told him how much you loved him. That you wanted to be in his arms forever. And he emptied himself into the condom with a moan of your name.

This time around you laid there together. Just holding each other.

There was no rush. No weirdness. Just two people that loved each other and had finally found their way back to each other.

You didn’t know what was going to happen in the future.

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Nothing ever is with Jeonghan. But it certainly is worth it.

As you lay there with him you start thinking about the day you left.

About how you thought you were both just passing through each other's lives.

At that time it seemed that way.

He was just a boy creating chaos in your life for a while and you were just a girl that left and used your career as an excuse.

Now you know how wrong you were. How sad and miserable your life would have been without him in it. Without him with you. Just like this. Every day.

You know that from now on, you weren’t just another person passing through each other’s lives. You were everything in each other’s lives. You were both where you belonged.

With each other. Always together, and never to be apart again.

IT’S FINALLY HERE AND IT’S A MONSTER AGAIN Another rollercoaster of emotions 😭 I hope you love this as much as I loved writing it 💕 As usual, please let me know in the comments and such if you enjoyed reading it <3 Thank you for supporting me! Happy holidays! 🎆 CHEERS 🥂

Taglist (if you requested specifically): @woofie-nctzen-fanarts, @lovrchl, @lockburn-castle, @luchiet, @deeznutzaintnutting, @cheesytangerine, @avocifera, @odetoyeonjun, @listxn, @gyubbgist, @cvpidxo, @leicy0756, @sunflowergyeomie, @whore4stucky9104, @bangtanskz, @cecefarm, @staurdvst, @haahydvhkmhhn, @tsukkisdoll, @miniseokminnies, @namjinsworld

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novalpha · 1 year

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𝘑𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝐹𝑖𝑐 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑠

♡ Fluff || ୨୧ Angst || ★ Smut || ꗃ SMAU || ⌗ Series || ✿ Drabble || ♤ Mature (No smut) || ✹ Humor || ⸙ On hold ||

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Love café ♡ ୨୧ ★✦ -> @chocosvt

synopsis: while you’ve spent the last few months pretending the love café doesn’t exist, you realize you need its services now more than ever. this brings you face to face with jeonghan, the son of a luxury fashion designer who’s got money to burn. your exchanges are strictly business. until they’re not.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Miracle Bunny ♡୨୧★⌗⸙ -> @caramellohigh

synopsis: Minghao impulsively adopts a hybrid for you and you hate him for it. But after getting to know your new hybrid, you realized it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. You’ve gained a new friend, a companion and… perhaps more?

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ illicit whispers ♡★ -> @httphannie

summary: yoon jeonghan's wanted in almost every country but there's no denying that he's handsome so should it come as a surprise when you end up in his prison cell?

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ KIDULT ♡✹୨୧ -> @hvae

synopsis: jeonghan always believed he was never fond of children, especially when he took the job at your daycare. little did he know the child in him was playing hide and seek, finally revealing itself after growing to love the kids. oh, and you too

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ The selfish dilemma ♡୨୧★⌗ -> @joonsytip

Synopsis: It was love at first sight ever since you laid eyes on Jeonghan. To him, you are the annoying co-worker who keeps asking him out. No one is new to your courting agenda which only pisses off Jeonghan but what happens when you stop, all at once....

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ How to give a blowjob for dummies ♡୨୧★ -> @multiland

summary: your friendship with Jeonghan takes a turn the day the two of you cross the line when he decides to teach you how to give a blowjob, despite your promises of everything staying the same. Tired of waiting for him to acknowledge the elephant in the room, you decide to go on dates. Needless to say, he doesn't like it one bit.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ In her shadow ♡୨୧★⌗✹ -> @hoshzone

summary: you never were the one to fall in love but, just when you think you might’ve found the one, he turns out to be your estranged bitch of a sister’s fiancé. you and jeonghan both know better but, he can’t help but wish he’d met you first, thinking you’re a far better match for him than she’d ever be. #trusttheprocessordon’t…

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Little miss naughty ♡★ -> @hoshzone

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 : not being able to wait until Jeonghan gets off the phone with Joshua, you decide it’d be a good idea to get yourself off on his thigh. He makes sure you pay for that.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Holidate ♡୨୧★ -> @onlymingyus

synopsis: It's only for a week, he's doing you a favor, and he's your fake boyfriend. Why do you have to keep reminding yourself of that?

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Fall back down to earth with you ♡୨୧ -> @97-liners

Synopsis: in which your manager, jeonghan, thinks it’ll be good publicity for you to date hollywood actor and notable heartthrob, joshua hong. of course, everything would be nice and easy if you ended up falling in love with your fake boyfriend joshua, but life is complicated, and your heart ends up pulling you in another direction completely.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Cigarettes and coffee ♡★୨୧ -> @gyukult

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Responsibly irresponsible: white shoes ♡୨୧ -> @twogyuu

Synopsis: Seemingly exciting at first, Jeonghan slowly comes to realize that being a dad is more than meets the eye, especially when he meets your mother (unexpectedly) for the first time. Did you mention? She doesn't know you're pregnant.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Inflection point ♡★୨୧ -> @lovelyhan

summary: you love yoon jeonghan. no, scratch that. you fucking adore yoon jeonghan; so much that the moment he asks you to be in an exclusive set-up with his current partner, you accept the offer in a heartbeat. what you fail to consider, however, is who your boss’ boyfriend actually is.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ It's nice to have a friend ♡★⌗ -> @sluttywoozi

You and Jeonghan have embarked on your fifth annual Best Friends trip, but it's a bit different than usual, considering he made the reservation under Yoon Y/N and told them he was your husband.

What's a honeymoon between friends anyway?

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Sweater paws ♡★ -> @duhnova

synopsis: your soft and cuddly virgin boyfriend isn’t so soft and innocent when he wakes up in the middle of the night from a wet dream

[More Jeonghan fic recs will be updated]

Want more Seventeen fic recs? -> Click Here

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sushis-wild-imagination · 13 days

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Seventeen when they realise they’re in love with you

Seventeen Masterlist

Im open to fic requests!

Genre: Fluff!

→ Choi Seungcheol

“She doesn’t bite, I promise” Cheol reassures.

Cheol brings his dog over to meet you. You were terrified of dogs, but you tried for him.

Cheol somehow got you to touch kkumas head and also feed her some chopped carrots. Kkuma really liked you and wanted to play with you. She kept jumping to your lap, but you tried your best not to make sudden movements or shriek and scare the poor dog.

You thought dogs were cute, but only from afar.

You trying to overcome this fear and interact with someone so precious to him, really made him seoon over you. He definitely fell for you that day.

→Yoon Jeonghan

He had called you over while he babysat one of his nieces. You’ve always liked kids so it was no big deal. But the only big deal was meeting his family. You’ve been together now for a month and meeting family was a huge deal.

His niece at first felt a little awkward and standoffish but soon warmed up to you when you presented her with some candy you picked up for her.

Jeonghan loved the fact that you got along with his family. He also starting feeling love for you that day that only deepened there after.

→ Hong Jisoo

“Tell me what you want from me Joshua?” You yell at him, tears pooling your eyes.

What did he want? He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, but seeing you talk to that guy from uni also did something to him. Lately he felt as if he was running away from something, he finally figured out what it was. As you stood there, tears falling out of your eyes. He loved you, it hit him like a bag of bricks when he saw you threaten leaving the apartment without resolving whatever this was. He was scared to admit to himself, but now he had to say it out loud. For him to hear, for you, to hear.

He knew if he let you walk out that door, you’ll be gone forever.

“I’m in love with you”

→ Moon Jun hui

Jun had the worst day at work today, everything that could go wrong, went wrong: the paper machine had no paper, his sandwich for lunch became soggy, it started to rain when he went out to get some lunch instead, his important presentation fell through. Nothing was right.

“Are you okay?” You ask him, as you both take a walk. Seeing him stressed, you suggested a walk outside to get some fresh air.

He doesn’t respond to the question, so you just take his hand in both of yours, softly caressing it with your thumb as you both walk, you hoped that was enough.

He turned to look at you and your eyes met. Jun always thought it was superficial when people said ‘all my worries fade away when I’m with you’ but he finally understood exactly what that was like. All his cynicism disappeared because it worked. One look at you and he was smiling.

Regardless of what happens in the day, you were someone that melt his problems. He realised this is what love is.

→Kwon Soonyoung

“I’m going to make this work” you say frustrated, almost pulling your hair out.

Soonyoung was in your studio helping you figure out some beats for your new song and it was going to hell. Every tune you came up with sounded so eeriely similar to something you’ve already heard before. You’d rather jump off a cliff than accidentally put yourself through accusations of plagiarism.

Another groan while you play around with the keys. This went on all night where to a point soonyoung fell asleep on the couch behind you but you were still making the song.

“I did it!”

This woke him up and you looked so happy and accomplished that you had finally cracked it. You let him have a listen to see if it sounds familiar somehow, but it didn’t.

Soonyoung had heard many friends say that people look the most attractive when they’re working and they were right.

Your happiness was contagious and he was absolutely adoring you.

He fell in love with your happiness immediately.

→ Jeon Wonwoo

Like every time, this time too, wonwoo left for home after spending the whole weekend at yours. He lived two towns away so it was an hour of a drive to see each other. You made it all worth it.

This time, while leaving it didn’t feel like usual. His chest felt a lot heavier when he thought about not seeing you for another week.

This time, his throat closed up every time he wanted to say goodbye. Perhaps he had finally gotten used to saying goodbye until a new feeling came in and knocked the air out of his lungs and glued his feet to your apartment.

“I think I love you”

→ Lee Jihoon

You were snoring in the living room on your architecture table as he helped you into bed.

You’ve been working on this project for days, staying up all night. Jihoon is someone that works really hard and also holds a lot of respect for people who are passionate about their contribution to the world. He looks up to people who are diligent and dedicated.

That night, he had a lot of respect for you but also a lot of adoration. He was falling in love with your sincerity, slowly and surely.

→Seo Myungho

“I hope we get to see sea turtles later” you say to Hao.

Hao has always been attracted to empathy. When he suggested that you should go on a date to the beach with a clean up drive, he didnt expect you to say yes as fast as you did.

He has always found this empathy in you for nature, and preserving nature, very attractive. The fact that this was your common ground only deepened your relationship further.

He was head over heels for you when you agreed to pick garbage with him at the beach.

→Kim Mingyu

Kim Mingyu took you to the arcade for your 6th date, yes, you were counting, because he felt like a dream, you really saw this going somewhere.

The arcade was one of the cutest date things to do on paper, but you never got to actually experience it. You ended up trying all the machines there were. But the dance machine is something you were waiting for.

You had your concentration face on and you were really to destroy this machine. Mingyu was always carefree and very giggly type. His giggles made you giggle too.

You ended up challenging him to a dance off and went at it for a good 3 minutes. But all you could see was Mingyu half way through stopping and chuckling at your face. You raise an eyebrow.

“You’re so easy to love”

→Lee Seokmin

Dokyeom falls in love with the littlest of things, they then add on to become a huge pile of love and an overwhelming sense of adoration and affection.

You and him were walking in the city on a road that goes uphill. You had spotted an old lady with her hands full of 2 huge bags, barely able to climb uphill. You immediately rush to her and offer help. Dokyeom was puzzled to see you run, until he realised what you were doing. He had a big smile plastered on his face while he comes over to help as well.

Dokyeom enjoyed helping people, he drew joy from it and so did you. This instance was another drop in the ocean for him to fall more and more in love with you.

→Boo Seungkwan

Boo Seungkwan was an athlete by heart. He absolutely loves breaking a sweat playing all the sport he can.

Him and you started dating a couple of weeks ago and promised each other you’d have a go at his favourite sport badminton, which he boasted he was good at. You were an average badminton player, you enjoyed squash more.

The match started off slow, you were both testing waters. The match slowly gog to a point where it was just sounds of the racket hitting the shuttle, no giggles, no teasing. Neither of you like to lose.

You finally hit a smash that he could not reach. He was awestruck. Usually, he hates losing, but this time, he lost focus, all his focus was on how amazing the match was and how amazing you were.

Now if thats you or your badminton playing skills that he fell in love with is something you are yet to figure out.

→Choi Vernon

Usually Vernon is quite non chalant,doing his own thing, minding his own business. You and him have been speaking to each other for a month now.

And everything feels different to him. Every time Vernon sees something very interesting immediately thinks of you and to bring you to show it to you, all his thoughts about the future have you in it. He’s thinking about you all the time.

He was walking by a bakery and he thought about who this one time you told him you hated the smell of bread.

His brain was a 90% you and thats when it clicked. He was in love.

→Lee Chan

Your boyfriend had called you saying he didn’t feel very well and cancelled your date. You ended up going to his apartment instead.

You tended to him, he was running a fever and even made him some soup to feel better and stayed with him if he needs anything. As a boy, he had moved away from home early and never really had someone that cared for him like this.

This was the first time in years he felt cared for and he was so grateful to you, that feeling of gratefulness soon turned into feelings of love before the fever broke.

——

Tried a different style, hope y’all like it!j I’m open to fic requests!

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wheeboo · 2 months

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"pretty." | yoon jeonghan

SYNOPSIS. in which jeonghan calls you pretty. PAIRING. yoon jeonghan x gn!reader GENRE. fluff, established relationship WARNINGS. one kiss on the cheek, terms of endearment, jeonghan just being down bad and whipped for you lmao WORD COUNT. 1k

notes: because who wouldn't wnt to write something from that clip of him kissing gyu on the cheek cuz he's pretty?? anyway. can u tell that my fav word is pretty...

Jeonghan finds you pretty.

Pretty like... the first rays of dawn painting the sky in streaks of colours. Not like a fiery and blazing sunrise, but a soft, hesitant awakening; the hush before the world truly stirs to life.

His gaze lingers on your quiet form right next to him, eyes tracing the path of sunlight across your cheek peeking in from the shutters of the window, the way it seems to kiss the curve of your jawline and dance in the strands of your hair. A sleepy smile forms at his own lips, head tilting slightly as he lets out the quietest of chuckles.

Pretty like... the way a flower blooms. Each petal peeks out from the bud, hesitant at first, then unfurling with a contented sigh. Like the way you smile, Jeonghan thinks, merely a shy bloom starting at the corners of your lips before blossoming into the radiant sunflower that he always believes that you are.

Your chest rises up and down rhythmically, lips twitching ever so slightly, and Jeonghan wonders what kind of dreams must be playing in your mind𑁋if he should at all try to intervene and chase away the frequent nightmares that sometimes visit, and the clouds that occasionally cast shadows on your peaceful expression.

Pretty like... a book whose cover is worn and flimsy, its pages softened by countless turns and accidental (and intentional) rips, yet the ink still vibrantly tells tales of laughter and tears, of mishaps and misfortunes, of you. But even with this, the spine of the book remains unbroken.

Jeonghan remembers you reading a book last night, an older story if he recalls. He remembers the way your brows furrowed in concentration, hands clutched on the worn paperback, and how your lips moved silently, mouthing words only your heart could hear. He remembers the way your eyes lit up when you turned a page and nudged at his side to get his attention even if he didn't know what the story was about, a flicker of joy to your face like a firefly illuminating the room and the night skies.

Suddenly, a vibration snaps Jeonghan awake at this point, focus darting towards the unwelcomed presence of his phone on the nightstand. The screen casts a harsh light against the gentle morning glow, and Jeonghan reluctantly detaches himself to reach over for it, noting incoming messages from his members about their scheduled practice for later today, the words blurring slightly as sleep clings stubbornly to his eyelids. He quickly types out a message before silencing his phone, and then he shoots a contemplative glance back to you, before slipping out of the sheets and tip-toeing out of the bedroom.

Pretty like... the first sip of morning coffee. Not a jolt of bitter heat, but a warm caress on the tongue, enough to awaken the senses slowly. Jeonghan moves silently throughout your shared space, not wanting to disturb your peace. The aroma of brewing coffee wafts through the air, intertwining with the lingering traces of dawn and the new day ahead.

Carefully pouring a cup for himself, Jeonghan adds a sprinkle of cinnamon on top, the scent swirling like a mini-tornado and playfully tickling his nose. He remembers how you once told him you associate cinnamon with warmth and comfort, and a soft smile graces his lips.

He glides through the rest of his morning routine with practiced ease, mindful not to disturb your slumber, the quietness only punctuated by the occasional soft melody hummed under his breath of one of his songs. As time continues to pass, nearing to when he has to leave, Jeonghan glances at the numbers displayed on his phone, and a tinge of bittersweetness settles in his stomach. A tiny frown creases across his brow as he sets down his empty coffee cup and smooths over the fabric of his shirt with a sigh.

Heading back into the bedroom, he finds you still slumbering on the bed, the streaks of morning light painting over your cheeks. Jeonghan trots over to the window and gently adjusts the shutters, letting in a wider ray of sunlight that dances across your nose.

A creak from the bed tells him you're stirring, and he turns just in time to see your eyes flutter open. Sunlight spills across your face, bathing over your features like honey, and his breath catches in his throat, as if he'd just swallowed a handful of butterflies. You look even more beautiful than the dawn, he thinks.

A sleepy yawn escapes you, stretching your arms above your head, your eyes still closed shut from the light.

"Hannie...?" You mumble out, and Jeonghan is swift to come racing to your side, sitting himself down at the edge of the bed right beside you.

"Morning, angel," he says softly, letting a finger push back a few loose strands of hair flying over your face. "I was about to tell you that I'm leaving."

Your eyes flutter open just slightly, just enough to catch the small curve to your boyfriend's lips, yet mind still cloudy with sleep to even process it. "Hmm... what time is it?"

"Still early. You can go back to sleep," Jeonghan tells you reassuringly. "I just wanted to see your face before I leave."

His words send a faint smile to play across your lips.

"Why do you always have to leave so early?" You ask, voice raspy with sleep.

Jeonghan lets his hand lace with yours on the sheets, the warmth spreading through your fingers and coursing through your body.

"Work calls, love," he says, voice soft but laced with a playful tone. "But you know I wouldn't leave if I didn't have to."

A low groan leaves your mouth as your adjust yourself further into the comfort of the bed while still not letting go of his hand, your eyes fluttering closed again. Jeonghan just chuckles at your sulky antics, and you feel the way his finger caresses lightly over your knuckle.

Pretty like... a diamond ring glinting in the soft morning light, a promise of forever shimmering between them. He knows with a certainty settled deep in his bones that one day he'll slide that very ring onto your finger. But for now, the promise waits beneath the surface, a secret shared only by the gentle stroke of his thumb against your skin and the way his gaze lingers a little longer than necessary on your face𑁋hair messy and clinging to the pillow, eyes closed shut once more, yet you've never looked more beautiful to him.

And so, Jeonghan leans down, lips meeting in a feathery kiss at the skin of your cheek just below your eye. He lingers there for a moment, savouring the warmth of your skin against his own, before lowering himself down just next to your ear.

"Pretty," he whispers softly, simply, and irrevocably in love.

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @woohaeyo @mark-geolli @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @aaniag @wootify @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @phenomenalgirl9 @roziees @mirxzii @bookyeom

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lololololchips · 2 months

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Yoon Jeonghan || in which love is everywhere…

synopsis: in which love is everywhere, especially in chat logs of two random strangers

genre: one shot smau, fake texts, fluff, strangers x lovers, non!idol

warnings: cursing, fem pronouns, fluffly sighness i need a jeonghan

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toruro · 9 months

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— ✧ can't you see me? — y. jeonghan x reader (teaser)

description. when you ended up going to the same university as your brother's best friend, you didn't really expect to end up in his bed. you definitely didn't expect to find yourselves knee-deep in a friends-with-benefits situation mere months later, yet here you are. but all is fine, because jeonghan's a great guy—he's handsome and funny and kind and sincere. there's just one tiny hiccup: he's slowly starting to fall in love with you.

— genre. smut (18+ / mdni), fwb, brother's best friend, fluff, angst — tags (for the teaser). mentions of sexual insecurity, mentions of loss of virginity, mentions of sex (no actual smut in the teaser though) — w/c. 460+ (teaser), full fic estimated 10k+ — taglist.

Jeonghan took your virginity in your freshman year of college.

You were nervous from the very start. Nervous about the big girl world and Jeonghan was a rock—a piece of familiarity that stuck by your side—who helped you whenever you were in need.

Helped you find your classes, gave you company when you were a little too shy to go find it yourself in the dining hall, and invited you to your first party. One day you might’ve let it slip that you were a virgin. A virgin and terrified, because you thought the big girl world had no room for your apprehension.

Jeonghan had told you that it’s okay—that you should take all the time you need. He was sincere about it—you’ll never doubt that—which is probably why you were so fine with asking him to whisk the sacred shell of your virginity away a few nights later when you found comfort in his apartment.

He had said no at first. Thought it was too fast. Thought it would mean too much. It scared him, probably more than it scared you. Jeonghan hates lies, so he told you the truth and said to do it with someone who means something.

Two nights later when you sat awkwardly on his couch after he saved you from a boring ass party, it struck him that maybe he was overthinking things.

He was just helping you out. At least that’s what Jeonghan told himself. It’s what he repeated in his head when he kissed away your worries and pressed you into his bed. It’s what he repeated when his fingers were knuckle deep inside of you and it’s what he repeated when he fucked his best friend’s little sister for the first time.

It took two months for him to realize what followed was maybe a bit more than just a little help. Somewhere between the lines, sex between you and Jeonghan had turned from wanting experience to a mutual understanding, and both of you were surprisingly okay with that.

Any qualms that Jeonghan might’ve had about starting a thing with his best friend’s little sister had washed away weeks ago—after he sank into you, after he taught you to take him into your mouth, after he buried his face between your legs and—yeah. A thing.

Maybe stuff became a little complicated four months after you both established your thing, because you both found out that Cheol had transferred to your university and would be moving in with Jeonghan, but that’s okay. After all, you and Jeonghan are two consenting adults in a mutually beneficial thing, and what Cheol doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

Jeonghan doesn’t really like lies or things, but again, he feels like as long as he tip-toes at the edge of this cliff, it’ll be fine.

#jeonghan x reader #jeonghan smut #yoon jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan fluff #yoon jeonghan smut #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan angst #svt fanfic #svt smut #seventeen smut #svt fluff #svt angst #📝 writing

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hoshifighting · 2 months

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Tease and Release

Synopsis: Where Jeonghan is a fucking tease, and you freak out.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Smut, dirty talk, orgasm denial, degradation, teasing, edging, sensory deprivation, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, orgasm control, overstimulation and etc.

This smut was crafted based on a request by my lovely moot, Asyre. love you so much! I hope you enjoy the smut!

Jeonghan, with his tousled hair and mischievous grin, was your boyfriend, a master of teasing with a penchant for mischief that seemed to dance in his eyes. His teasing wasn't born out of malice or any wrongdoing on your part; it was simply ingrained in his nature, a playful spirit that delighted in seeing you squirm and blush.

But perhaps his favorite moments were those when he could coax a request from your lips with nothing more than a coy smile and a knowing glint in his eye. Your doe eyes, filled with desire, never failed to captivate him. He found an irresistible allure in the way you begged for something, your voice soft and pleading, your hands clasped together in a silent plea.

Jeonghan now hovered over you, his eyes dark with hunger as he held your trembling legs still, a smirk playing on his lips.

"You like that, don't you?" he purred, his voice low and husky, sending shivers down your spine. "Begging for more, just like I knew you would."

You moaned softly, unable to form coherent words as the sensations overwhelmed you. Jeonghan's touch was electrifying, his fingers trailing along your skin with a feather-light touch that left you gasping for air.

"Tell me how much you want it," he demanded, his tone firm yet tinged with a hint of amusement. "Tell me how badly you need me to take control."

Your breath hitched as you struggled to find your voice, your mind clouded with desire. "Please," you whimpered, your voice barely a whisper. "I need you. I need you to...to..."

Jeonghan's lips curled into a wicked grin as he leaned in closer, his gaze burning into yours. "To what?" he taunted, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "To fuck you senseless? To make you scream my name until you can't think of anything else?"

You nodded frantically, your body arching towards him as you surrendered to the overwhelming pleasure. "Yes," you gasped, your voice raw with need. "Yes, please...I need you to fuck me. I need you to make me yours."

Jeonghan's laughter filled the room, a sound that sent a thrill coursing through your veins. "That's it, my little slut," he murmured, his words sending a shockwave of arousal straight to your core. "You're mine now. Mine to use however I please."

Jeonghan's touch was maddeningly slow, his fingers tracing teasing circles around your swollen clit as you writhed beneath him, desperate for release. Your mascara was ruined, black streaks running down your cheeks from the tears of frustration mingling with pleasure. The sheets beneath you were soaked, evidence of your arousal that only seemed to fuel Jeonghan's desire further.

He reveled in denying you the release you so desperately craved, prolonging your torment with each agonizing minute that passed. His lips curled into a wicked smirk as he watched you squirm and whimper, your pleas for mercy falling on deaf ears.

"Please," you begged, your voice hoarse with need. "Please, Jeonghan, I can't take it anymore. I need to come."

But Jeonghan only chuckled darkly, his fingers continuing their relentless assault on your sensitive flesh. "Not yet," he murmured, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "You're going to beg for it, sweetheart. Beg for your release like the desperate little slut you are."

You moaned in frustration, the ache between your legs becoming almost unbearable. Every nerve in your body screamed for release, your muscles tense with the effort of holding back your climax.

Jeonghan's cock slid into you with agonizing slowness, filling you inch by inch until you thought you might burst with the overwhelming sensation. But just as quickly as he entered, he pulled back, leaving you aching and empty, your body instinctively reaching for the penetration that had been abruptly taken away.

You whimpered in frustration, your pussy throbbing with need as Jeonghan teased you mercilessly, entering lightly before pulling out again, each movement driving you closer to the brink of madness. Your hips bucked against him, desperate for more, but he held you firmly in place, denying you the release you so desperately craved.

But Jeonghan only chuckled darkly, his eyes gleaming with amusement as he continued to torment you with his slow, teasing movements. He loved to see you like this, your body writhing with desire as you surrendered to his control.

Your breath hitched at his words, desire coursing through your veins as you nodded frantically, your body aching for more of him.

"Say it," he demanded, his voice low and commanding. "Say you need me to fuck you. Say it, and maybe I'll give you what you want."

You swallowed hard, your voice barely a whisper as you surrendered to his will. "I need you to fuck me," you breathed, your words filled with desperation. "Please, Jeonghan, please..."

But instead of granting your request, Jeonghan pulled back, a smirk playing on his lips as he watched you squirm beneath him.

"You're going to have to beg a little harder than that." he murmured, his voice dripping with satisfaction.

Your frustration boiled over, and with a surge of anger, you screamed at Jeonghan, your voice laced with frustration.

"What the hell are you doing?!" you exclaimed, your chest heaving with pent-up emotions. "Stop teasing me and just fuck me already!"

Jeonghan's eyes widened in surprise at your sudden outburst, but there was a glint of something deeper beneath the surface—a flicker of admiration for your newfound assertiveness.

He didn't respond immediately, instead letting the tension between you linger in the air for a moment longer. And then, with a predatory smile, he decided to "correct" your attitude.

Without a word, he sank his dick deep inside of your cunt, filling you completely for the first time that night. Your scream pierced the air, but this time it was a cry of pleasure, not frustration, as pleasure washed over you in waves.

As you moaned and writhed beneath him, Jeonghan's lips curled into a smirk of satisfaction. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear as he spoke in a low, husky voice.

"See how you talk to me, slut?" he murmured, his tone dripping with dominance. "You want me to fuck you? You want to feel me deep inside you? Then you better learn to ask nicely."

You shivered at his words, a thrill coursing through your veins at the commanding tone of his voice. Despite the initial shock of his sudden assertiveness, you found yourself responding to it, craving more of his dominance, more of his touch.

The headboard rattled against the wall with each thunderous thrust, the sound echoing through the room as Jeonghan pounded into you with relentless force. His balls slapped against your ass, a rhythmic percussion that fueled the fire of your desire.

His cock drove into you with such intensity that it almost reached your cervix, every stroke sending waves of pleasure crashing over you. He looked like an animal now, his primal instincts taking over as he fucked you without a care in the world for the neighbors who might hear or the mess your poor, messy cunt was making around his big cock.

"Mmm...fuck," he groaned, the sound reverberating through the room. "You feel so good, baby. Your cunt...so tight around my cock..."

His words sent a shiver down your spine, but you knew you weren't allowed to cum, not yet. So, you desperately tried to hold back, to stave off the overwhelming pleasure that threatened to consume you.

But Jeonghan knew just how much you loved the way your cunt clenched around his cock when he moaned, and he used it to his advantage. As his moans grew louder and more whiny, he teased you mercilessly, knowing full well the effect it had on you.

"Ahh...fuck," he moaned, his voice thick with desire. "You like it when I moan, don't you? You love feeling my cock twitch inside you, making your pussy clench around me..."

You whimpered in response, your body trembling with need as you fought against the rising tide of pleasure. But Jeonghan wasn't finished yet; he continued to tease you between moans, his words driving you to the brink of madness.

"I bet you're desperate to cum, aren't you?" he taunted, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "But you're not allowed yet, baby. Not until I say so."

You whimpered in response, your body writhing beneath him as you struggled to hold back your orgasm. The sensation of his cock filling you, combined with his teasing words, sent waves of pleasure coursing through you, threatening to overwhelm your senses.

Desperate to maintain control, you contorted your body, burying your face in the pillow and clenching it tightly as you fought against the rising tide of pleasure. Your nails dug into the fabric, threatening to rip it apart as you sought some semblance of relief from the overwhelming sensations.

But Jeonghan wasn't finished yet; he could sense your struggle, and it only fueled his desire to push you further. With a wicked grin, he intensified his movements, driving into you with a force that left you gasping for air.

"Ohhh," you cried out, the sound of ecstasy and surrender as you throbbed around Jeonghan's cock. The sensation of his tip hitting your g'spot sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through you, your eyes rolling back in sheer bliss as your body surrendered to the overwhelming sensation.

Your mouth fell open in a silent scream of pleasure as you creamed around his cock, your essence coating him in a slick sheen of cum. The knot in your belly finally unraveled, releasing the pent-up tension that had been building inside you, and you convulsed on the bed in waves of ecstasy.

Jeonghan watched you with dark, hungry eyes, his hips never faltering as he continued to drive into you with unrelenting force. "Did I allow you to cum, baby?" Jeonghan's voice was low and taunting as he questioned you, his dark eyes gleaming with mischief.

Before you could respond, he took matters into his own hands, punishing you for your disobedience by circling your clit with lightning speed. The sudden intensity of his touch sent a jolt of electricity coursing through you, and you hissed in a mixture of pleasure and pain as you tried unsuccessfully to squirm away from his relentless ministrations.

Your senses were overwhelmed, your body hypersensitive from the intensity of your recent orgasm. Every touch, every stroke of his fingers against your swollen clit felt like fire, sending waves of pleasure radiating through you despite your attempts to resist.

Your teary eyes met Jeonghan's gaze, a mix of pleading and desperation reflected in your gaze as you silently begged for release. He watched you with a smirk, reveling in the power he held over your pleasure.

"You can only cum if I come," he declared, his voice low and authoritative.

You squirmed desperately beneath him, your body on the edge of another orgasm as you struggled to hold back the overwhelming tide of pleasure that threatened to consume you. Your breath came fast and ragged, each gasp filled with anticipation as you awaited Jeonghan's release.

"Mmm...ohh," Jeonghan moaned, his voice husky with desire as he approached his own climax. "Fuck, you feel so good..."

Your moans mingled with his, a symphony of pleasure filling the room as you both teetered on the brink of ecstasy. And then, with a primal roar, Jeonghan came undone, his hot seed filling you up as you cried out in pleasure.

The sensation of his release sent you over the edge, your body convulsing with the force of your orgasm as you came around his cock once again. Your moans echoed off the walls.

Jeonghan withdrew from you, leaving you panting and spent as you lay on your side, your body trembling with the aftershocks of pleasure. Your eyes fluttered shut, a blissful haze descending over you.

Meanwhile, Jeonghan's gaze lingered on your flushed form, a smirk playing on his lips as he admired the sight of his cum spilling out of your well-used cunt. Your swollen clit throbbed with sensitivity, a testament to the intense pleasure you had just experienced.

He watched as you clenched around nothing, your pussy still pulsing with the aftershocks of your orgasm. The sight filled him with a sense of pride and satisfaction, knowing that he had been the one to bring you to such heights of pleasure.

With a satisfied sigh, Jeonghan reached out to brush a stray strand of hair from your face, his touch gentle and affectionate. He leaned in close, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he whispered, "You were so good for me, baby. You always are."

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hannyoontify · 4 months

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dream - yoon jeonghan

member | jeonghan x reader

genre | pure. teeth-rotting. fluff. js kie going through jeonghan brain rot

word count | 2.8k

synopsis | jeonghan pinches your cheek to remind you that this isn’t a dream

warnings | ass-grabbing?? but in a non-sexual way, lots of cheesy pick-up lines and flirting, reader and jeonghan are absolutely down bad for each other and it’s sickening

notes | my baby :((( i hope he feels better soon

Jeonghan’s eyes fluttered open as the pale sunlight seeped in through the bedroom window and curtains, casting bright rays of light onto the walls. Jeonghan could hear your soft, stable breathing next to him and rolled over to face your sleeping figure. You looked so peaceful asleep, your usual creases of worry were nowhere to be seen. Rather, it was replaced by a look of serenity and Jeonghan smiled endearingly as you wrinkled your nose in your sleep. He rubbed his eyes and draped a lazy arm over your waist, quietly watching you as you slept. He tried matching his breath with yours, but it only left him wheezing and breathless.

His eyes roamed around your face, starting from your soft lips that jutted out in your sleep. Your nose that Jeonghan loved to kiss. That small tear mole on your cheek that mirrored his own. He admired the swell of your cheeks and traveled up to your closed eyelids. Jeonghan’s eyes trailed back down to your lips, which now were slightly parted, revealing the slightest bit of your teeth. He leaned over to press a quick kiss to your lips, smiling against your lips. You stirred a bit, which startled Jeonghan, but remained asleep.

Jeonghan propped his head up with one hand, the other still draped over your waist, and watched you sleep, watching your chest rise and fall in a rhythmic pattern. After a while, (Jeonghan doesn’t really know how long it’s been–it could’ve been a few minutes or a few hours–he always had a horrible sense of time when it concerned you) your eyes opened and reached up above your head for a stretch.

“G’morning, sunshine.” Jeonghan whispered as you twisted around to get another stretch. Your hair was mussed and a mess, but he couldn’t care less.

“Morning, Hannie,” you mumbled as you scooched into his warm embrace. You pressed your face into his chest. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Yeah.”

And although he couldn’t see your smile, he could hear it in your voice. “You’re such a creep.”

Jeonghan simply hummed and traced shapes on your back as you stayed in his warm embrace for just a little longer. You (unfortunately) pulled away and rubbed at your sleepy eyes and Jeonghan leaned over to press a kiss to your forehead.

“We need to make breakfast.” you muttered and threw the duvet off to get out of bed.

“Oh, no you’re not.” Jeonghan’s strong grip on your waist kept you from going anywhere, and he wrestled you back into a tight cocoon of blankets. “You’re staying here today. I’ll make breakfast.”

You didn’t respond and looked at Jeonghan with a delighted look, your eyes sparkling. Your husband’s cooking was always a delight–and a surprise. You never knew if you were gonna get a Michelin star worthy meal or a barely edible looking lump of burnt… something. But judging by the soft look in Jeonghan’s eyes, you had a feeling you were going to get the former today.

He reached over and pressed a gentle kiss on your lips, his warm hand cupping your cheek. The metal ring resting on his ring finger felt cold against your face, raising goosebumps on your skin. You smiled into the kiss and giggled as Jeonghan pulled away with a lovestruck look in his eyes. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

You felt your cheeks burning up at what he said and waved him away. “What’s with that cheesy line? We’ve been married for 5 years now, Hannie.”

“Exactly, and each day is better than the last.” Jeonghan pressed one last kiss on your forehead before disappearing into the hallway. You rolled your eyes at your cheesy husband and nestled into the blanket cocoon he stuck you in.

In the kitchen, Jeonghan was bustling about with a boyish grin stuck on his face. He loved doing these things for you; you were never an early bird and struggled to get out of bed and Jeonghan was always willing to do these things for you. After almost dropping two raw eggs and chipping a porcelain plate, your breakfast was ready to be served.

Just as Jeonghan was ready to bring a tray into your shared bedroom, you shuffled out, still wrapped up in the blanket wrap he had put you in earlier. The edges of the blanket dragged along the floor as you sauntered up to the kitchen island and looked at Jeonghan with an expectant smile.

“Breakfast is served.” Jeonghan tipped his non-existent top hat and grandly gestured to the plate he laid out in front of you. The smell of the toasting bagel was what had drawn you out of bed, and the food looked better than it smelled(? Did that make sense? You didn’t know but you really didn’t care because you were so damn hungry).

Leaning on the opposite of the kitchen island as you, Jeonghan watched you inhale the bagel slathered in cream cheese, a bit of the spread smeared on your cheek. He reached over and wiped it away with his thumb, which made you cover your face in embarrassment and he laughed.

Jeonghan loved these kinds of mornings with you, a slow start to your day with no responsibilities. He could lie in bed with you as much as he wanted and he could press gentle kisses on your soft lips as much as he wanted to.

He sighed and rested his head against his hand on the counter, his eyes full of endearment as he watched you enjoy your breakfast. You caught Jeonghan’s eye mid-bite and smiled sheepishly. “What?”

Jeonghan felt his own lips tugging up into a small smile. “Nothing, I just love you.”

He paused for a moment.

“And sometimes I wonder if this is all a dream. I get scared that I made all this up in my mind and I’ll wake up any second as the loser I was seven years before I met you.”

You frowned. “You weren’t a loser, baby. You just hadn’t hit your prime yet.”

“In my mid-20’s? Sure babe.”

“Baby, don’t talk about yourself like that. I know for a fact I didn’t fall in love with a loser,” You pouted with more cream cheese on your lips. Jeonghan grinned like a middle school boy falling in love for the first time. As he bent over to kiss it off your lips, you reached for his hand and rubbed a soothing thumb over the back of his knuckles, feeling and committing to memory, every groove and channel etched onto his hand leading to his slender fingers.

When Jeonghan pulled away, it was your turn to reach over and pinch his cheek. “Ow, what was that for?” Your husband pouted and rested both hands on the edge of the marble countertop, slightly bent over at the waist to maintain eye contact with you.

You smiled mischievously, but soon, the cheeky look in your eyes softened into an endearing one. “You felt that, right? I promise you, my love, this isn’t a dream.” You walked around the kitchen island and ducked under his arm to cage yourself between his body and the countertop.

In a much softer voice, you said, “If this was a dream, I wouldn’t be able to do this…” you wrapped your arms around his torso and squeezed tightly, pressing your face into his chest and inhaling the scent of his body wash and your laundry detergent. The smell of home. “Or this.”

You reached behind Jeonghan and grabbed a handful of his ass and squeezed. Hard.

“YOWCH!" Jeonghan rested his head on your shoulder and whined as you simply giggled into his chest. "Honey…”

It’s a languid and lazy afternoon; Jeonghan’s favorite kind. Even the weather seemed to act idle, the way the October sun hid itself in the clouds, refusing to reveal its face for the thousands of bustling people in the heart of Seoul.

Similar to the sun, you were also currently refusing to reveal yourself to Jeonghan. You hid your face in the sleeve of your sweater as Jeonghan whined. “Honey… it’s nothing to be embarrassed of! It happens to everyone. I wanna see your gorgeous face.”

You said something that was muffled by the fabric of your sweater and Jeonghan stopped walking to bend over to hear you better. “It’mmfs embarramffing.”

“What’s so embarrassing about a zit? I get them all the time!” Jeonghan said loudly, his chest puffed out with pride. It was your turn to whine this time as you hit his arm with a stifled giggle. Jeonghan’s face suddenly turned serious and he turned to face you. He gently pried your hands out of your face and held them in his own. “Baby, I love you and your face just the way that they are. No amount of zits or acne or bug bites is ever gonna change that. Okay? So let me see your absolute drop dead gorgeous face.”

You couldn't help but smile at his heart-warming ment and Jeonghan immediately brought a hand to his heart and pretended to faint. “They’re too lovely! Catch me, I think I’m falling for you!”

You couldn’t hide your groan this time as Jeonghan slumped into your arms dramatically, imitating the flatlining sound of a heart monitor. “You’re the corniest person I’ve ever met.”

Jeonghan looked up from his place in your eyes and flashed you a blinding smile. “But you love it.”

“I would beg to differ.”

“Baby!”

After lots of consoling and reassuring (and kisses), you were able to convince Jeonghan that you did, indeed, love his corny pick-up lines, and stand upright again to continue your late afternoon stroll in the neighborhood park.

Hand in hand, the two of you continued your walk in silence. Jeonghan’s fingers were entwined with yours, his palm radiating with heat and comfort as he occasionally stroked the back of your hand with his thumb. The soft crunch of leaves under your feet and the soft, gentle breeze blowing past were the only sounds Jeonghan could hear.

He heard you gasp softly and he looked over to see what had grabbed your attention. You tugged on Jeonghan’s sleeve and pointed towards a pathway to the right, where bright flowers were blooming.

“I wanna walk through there.” You whispered excitedly.

Jeonghan didn’t know why you were whispering, but matched your volume nonetheless. “Let’s go, then.”

You began walking towards the direction of the flowers and Jeonghan lingered behind, watching you bound and leap towards the plants. When he caught up to you, you were already bent over, admiring the vibrant colors. As you began reaching out to pick one, Jeonghan grabbed your hand and pulled you upright.

“It’s okay, I’ll do it for you.” Jeonghan bent over in your stead and picked out the prettiest flower he could find in the patch (that was within reach. Jeonghan loved you but he didn’t have the heart to step on plants to get a flower). He spotted a dandelion and he reached for it as well before straightening his back and looking at you with a proud smile.

You stifled a giggle as Jeonghan gave you a once-over with a love-sick look in his eyes before he stepped closer to you and tucked the flower behind your ear.

“What’s so funny, angel?” Jeonghan asked in a hushed voice. His dark brown eyes stared into your own. They were delicate and sweet as enticing pools of swirling dark chocolate, like a glowing light with flecks of gold reflecting the dull sun’s shine.

“Nothing, I just feel like the main character in a cheesy rom-com movie,” You whispered. “Like you said earlier, I really hope this isn’t a dream.”

This time, it was Jeonghan’s turn to reach over with his free hand—which wasn’t soaked in the sticky sap from the stem from the dandelion he picked earlier—and pinch your cheek. You pouted but Jeonghan simply reached over and pressed a quick kiss to your lips and rested his forehead on your own.

“It’s not a dream, okay? Here, we can blow and make a wish on this dandelion and wish for us to be happy together, just like we are now, until forever and after. Until the ends of the earth.”

Jeonghan revealed the dandelion to you and placed it between your two lips. “Make a wish,” Both of you screwed your eyes shut, desperately wishing and praying that the two of you will always be happy forever in each other’s arms. “And blow.”

Hundreds of white, cotton-like bristles flew in every direction–but mostly into your mouth. Due to Jeonghan’s poor calculations, he blew a millisecond before you did and sent all the bristes flying into your mouth. However, Jeonghan wasn’t left unpunished by the gods.

The two of you pulled away, violently hacking and coughing as you tried to spit out all the fine needle-like substances out of your mouth, and Jeonghan began reaching in and swiping at his mouth and tongue.

A moment of silence.

“… Thath wath a lot leth romantic than I exthpected,” Jeonghan said. You gave him a look before bursting into laughter. He joined you soon after and the two of you doubled over, holding onto your stomachs for dear life until tears sprung out of your eyes.

Wiping away a stray tear, Jeonghan offered you a hand with a faint smile. “Let’th go home.”

If Jeonghan had to pick and name one place in your shared home as his favorite spot, he would pick the balcony with no hesitation. It was where the two of you shared your first meal together as a married couple in your new house, as none of your furniture had arrived, so the two of you sat on the floor of the balcony and watched the sun set over the skyline of Seoul and watched the nightlife come to life.

It was where some of the most quiet, intimate moments that Jeonghan shared with you took place. Late night talks full of giggles and nonsense. It was also where the two of you had your serious conversations. Stolen kisses, hushed whispered, loving glances. In short, the balcony held a lot of memories for you and Jeonghan.

The balcony has changed a lot since the first night you and Jeonghan ate jjajangmyeon on the floor of the balcony. The railing was decorated with fairy lights and there were two lawn chairs and a coffee table—perfect for your late night talks.

Today, you and Jeonghan opted to stand. Your husband’s arms were on either side of you, trapping you between his warm body and the railing. His body acted as a wall of protection from the cold wind. Jeonghan nuzzled his face into your hair and inhaled, breathing in the soft scent of your shampoo and sighed in content.

You stared out into the sky, watching the sun set lowly over busy Seoul when Jeonghan spoke lowly into your ear. “What are you thinking about, angel?” His warm breath tickled your ear. The sun was a bright shade of red as it bid farewell to your side of the world, ready to pass the imaginary baton to the moon. Streaks of bright red, orange, and yellow pierced through the sky and cast shadow where the clouds were. It was like a painting.

“Nothing, just… looking.”

Your husband sighed and rested his chin on your shoulder. After a beat of silence, he spoke again. “I love you, a lot. You know that, right?”

You hummed. “Of course I do,” You reached behind you and lightly ran your fingers through Jeonghan’s hair, the silk strands slipping through your fingertips. “And I love you too. So much.”

Jeonghan’s heart suddenly swelled with the immeasurable amount of love he felt for you in that moment. He buried his face in your hair to try and hide his welling tears, but his sniffling gave him away.

“Hannie? Are you crying?” You don’t wait for a response. You whipped around and held your loving husband’s face in your hands as he sniffled, his sparkly eyes tinged with red as a single tear streamed down his cheek. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Jeonghan nodded and smiled through his tears. “I just.. love you. So much. I never want to forget this moment with you. I want to treasure all the memories we share forever, locked in a vault in my mind so I can remember it for all of eternity.”

You gently pinched his cheek. “Not a dream, right?” Jeonghan nodded. “As long as I’m here with you, by your side, you’ll always remember the warmth and the love that we share.”

Jeonghan pulled you in by your waist and captured your lips with his soft ones. He pressed your body tightly against him, sharing your body warmth. You wrapped your arms around his neck as his mouth moved against yours, making you lose track of all sense and time.

“I love you,” Jeonghan mumbled softly against your lips, as if it were a secret just for you to hear. “Always have, always will.”

“Me too, Hannie. I’ll love you for as long as you use those cheesy pick-up lines.”

“You’re never hearing the end of those.”

“I really hope not.”

reblogs and feedback is always appreicated ^-^

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yoongiseesawmp3 · 4 months

Text

anything but - jeonghan

summary: roommate!jeonghan. you thought living with your best friend, jeonghan, would be easy. fun. like a sleepover every night. but as he watches you struggle week in and week out with crushes that don't like you back or dates that never seem to go well, he decides to take matters into his own hands.

word count: 8.2k

warnings: none rly, afab reader, unedited, sry

masterlist

jeonghan is ready to go to sleep. he had a long day, followed by a good, but tiring, night with friends, and he's been thinking about his soft sheets for the past two hours now. he's also been thinking about you, thinking about how happy he gets seeing your face light up when he walks through the door, but he knows he won't see that tonight. you're going on a date, dinner with some loser who's not him. he knows he could treat you so much better, but he can't just say that. things would get weird, and jeonghan can't afford the rent on his own. so selfishly, he keeps you and his feelings at arm's length. he's still thinking about you as he puts his key in the lock, wondering if he can stay up late enough to make sure you get home safe. when he opens the door, he changes his mind.

"what are you doing here?" jeonghan asks with a bit of anger in his voice, finding you laid out on the couch scrolling through your phone. "you told me you were going on a date tonight. did you cancel on him?"

"nope," you reply, popping the p as you sit up to stare at your roommate. "he cancelled on me. ten minutes before he was supposed to pick me up, actually, so i got ready for nothing."

that's when jeonghan notices the nice clothes you have on, your hair done up but mussed now that you've been laying on it. and, with a pang in his chest, he notices your makeup that looks smudged with tears. he knows you've been having dating trouble lately, and it's definitely been getting to you. but it makes his heart ache to think that you've been home all night crying over some loser who couldn't even bother to take you out.

"why didn't you call me?" he asks softly, joining you on the couch as he lifts your legs to lay them over his lap. he keeps a comforting hand on your calf as you explain, a slight tremor in your bottom lip as you say, "i didn't want to interrupt boy's night."

"baby, come on," he sighs. "you should have told me. you could've come to boy's night!"

"right," you scoff, rolling your eyes. "and hear all of them talk about their beautiful girlfriends and being so happy in a relationship? i'd rather eat drywall."

"we talk about other stuff," jeonghan laughs. "i told them about you getting us tickets to that soccer game and now i think they like you better than me. mingyu might be calling to see if he can take my ticket."

"never," you smile at him, sitting up and swinging your legs from his lap. "well, it's late. you're probably tired."

"eh," jeonghan shrugs, looking over you carefully to gauge if you're upset. "i could stay up a little longer, if you wanted to watch something."

"we're caught up on all our shows though," you pout. jeonghan sees an idea cross your face, so he asks, "what are you thinking?"

"nothing," you shake your head. "i remembered i didn't watch project runway last week, but you don't like that show-"

"put it on," he nods to the tv, looking over you one more time and noticing your clothes must not be that comfortable. "or you go change, i'll set it up."

"you don't know what episode i'm on though," you squint at him, and he shakes his head.

"nope, you're two weeks behind," he says. "i remember, because we went out the week before and you were ticked off that you were missing it."

"you pay too much attention to me," you mumble as you finally get up from the couch, jeonghan barely hearing you as he checks you out from behind. you're right, he does. too bad you haven't realized why.

when you come back from your room, you're wearing a hoodie that's seen better days and shorts that aren't quite doing their job. jeonghan clears his throat, trying not to stare, but when you sit down and put your legs back over his lap he can't help but skirt his hand over your skin, getting too close to your thigh without realizing.

"that tickles," you giggle, pushing his hand away. "you're annoying."

"ha, sorry," he laughs nervously, not sure what to do with his hands now so he reaches for the remote to press play. not far into the episode you curl up on your side of the couch, your knees tucked up beneath you as you lay down. jeonghan keeps an eye on you the whole time, attune to all your reactions and movements. he notices when you shiver, up in an instant to get a blanket.

"where are you going?" you call out, and he comes back wordlessly with the comforter from his room. he wraps it over you, using the rest of it to cover himself as he gets comfortable again. you find yourself dozing off, waking up every few minutes to see the progress on your favorite designers. you sleep through a whole section of the show, whining that you need to rewind, but jeonghan quietly explains what's happened and you're satisfied enough.

"do you want me to turn this off?" jeonghan asks after he sees your eyes closed again after you just complained about missing part of the show. you shake your head, not much of it visible outside of his blanket. you're noticing how nice his blanket smells, recognizing it as the same fresh scent that follows jeonghan around. it makes you feel at home, and that's part of what's making you so sleepy.

"i don't wanna go to my room," you admit shyly, feeling the tears from earlier just a moment or two away. "i'll stay awake, promise."

"do you want to sleep out here?" jeonghan asks, and you think about it for a moment. it wouldn't be the first time you had a little sleepover of sorts, both of you squished awkwardly on the couch or sleeping far apart from each other on someone's mattress that's been dragged out from one of your rooms. your silence decides it for jeonghan, and he says, "i'll go change, and then we can go to sleep." all you do is nod, getting comfortable beneath his comforter again as jeonghan slinks back to his bedroom to get ready for bed.

he comes back out and laughs to himself, your messy hair and scrunched sleepy face pulling at his heart. he knows someday he should tell you how he feels. he knows what you're looking for, and he knows he's perfect for you. it's just a matter of time before you figure that out, too.

a few days later, jeonghan was in the middle of a nap when he heard mumbling in the hallway and the sound of someone slamming doors. he was worried for only a few minutes, thinking it could possibly be an intruder, but as the mumbling gets closer to his door he knows there's a very frustrated y/n on the other side. he groans as he hoists himself up, shuffling to the door so he can peek out at you putting laundry away in the most irritated way possible. it's like you're trying to punish the towels for existing, and jeonghan can't help but laugh at the annoyed look on your face. it's cute, he finds himself thinking, but his chuckle pulls you from your dark thoughts and brings your anger to a new victim.

"what."

"nothing," jeonghan says defensively. "i thought someone was breaking in, you know, with all the banging around."

"shut up," you mumble, shoving the washcloths into the hall closet before slamming the door. you turn to your best friend and roommate, finger pointed accusingly, "i'm in a bad mood so don't piss me off."

"that explains the stress cleaning," he notes, and you ignore him.

"i'm going downstairs to put the dishes away," you grumble as you pass by him to get to the stairs, and he puts a timid hand on your shoulder.

"maybe do something that involves less breakables," he says coolly. "go punch a pillow or something."

"that's a good idea," you say, face lighting up slightly, and he laughs nervously as he finally asks what's wrong. "you remember that bitch of a dude who i was talking to a couple weeks ago?"

"gar bear?" jeonghan asks, and you roll your eyes.

"gary, yeah."

"what about him?" he asks, watching you unlock your phone and scroll to find something. you shove it into his hands, open to a very disturbing picture of a very ugly dick. "no."

"yeah. at three pm on a fucking thursday."

"stop making me look at it," he whines, pushing your phone back to you. "that's what made you mad?"

"yes!" you shout. "how did that thought process work? oh, this girl who i led on and then gaslit and then weirded out, she really needs to see my dick right now. it's the middle of the day! get a job! contribute to society!!!"

"why's he posing like that?" jeonghan asks, noticing more about the photo since you haven't locked your phone yet. "he looks so stiff."

"please stop," you say, but jeonghan sees a smile pulling at your lips.

"so what did you do?"

"i said 'what is your problem' and then i blocked him," you shrug, and he laughs.

"remind me to never piss you off," he says as he wraps an arm around you. "i'm sorry guys are assholes."

"i think i'm gonna become a nun," you mumble into his shoulder, staying in his hold maybe a minute too long. he presses a quick kiss to the crown of your head before letting you go, a blush on your cheeks that he takes pride in.

"you'd suck at being a nun, you're not nice enough," he jokes, and the way you glare at him makes him smile. "plus you fuck too much, aren't they supposed to be celibate?"

"forget punching pillows, i'm gonna punch you."

"sure baby," he chuckles, looking back at you as he walks downstairs. "you want food or something? i'll do the dishes. you just focus on not burning down the patriarchy."

"no promises," you mumble as you follow behind him. "but yeah, i wanna try this recipe i found the other day..."

it's over dinner that night that you realize how perfect jeonghan is. if only you could find a guy just like your best friend. someone who supports you, makes you smile, know how to get your heart to skip a beat. take, for example, his compliments. you like to joke to jeonghan that you need validation on your cooking, like tinkerbell, so whenever you cook for him the praises are nonstop. he's nothing if not supportive, so he tries to find things to comment on that he knows will make you blush. it works, and you do your best to tell him to stop without making it obvious that your heart is doing somersaults at his words.

this is what you want from a relationship, you find yourself thinking. you want to be comfortable with them, feel supported, all the things that jeonghan gives you. that night, you scroll through your dating apps, looking for a guy you think could meet those standards. in reality, you spend the whole night comparing the men on your screen to your roommate, subconsciously thinking of all the things you like most about jeonghan that these losers don't possess. you fall asleep like that, phone open to an empty chat, with jeonghan still on your mind.

so, a downside to living with jeonghan is you get the brunt end of all his weird energy. sometimes it's fun, and manifests itself in silly ways. like when you go thrifting, he takes it upon himself to find the weirdest thing in the store and insists on bringing it home. it means your apartment is decorated uniquely, but some of the stranger things you make him keep in his room. you haven't figured out yet that he only does this to make you laugh, loving how you smile sweetly at all the funny trinkets littered around your house. anything that goes into his room is eventually donated back to goodwill, its purpose served, doomed to delight another unassuming shopper some day.

other times, his weird energy comes out in worse ways. like today, he's not home, but you can feel that something's wrong. you know jeonghan is helping his friends with some video shoot, and he won't be home until much later. but there's a vibe in your apartment when you walk in. something is off, and it doesn't take you long to realize it. jeonghan has moved everything around, the couch where your kitchen table should be, the chairs from the table lined up in place of your couch. he's a strange one, your best friend, but it makes you laugh nonetheless, sending him a picture of the chairs and asking, "how am i supposed to fall asleep watching tv on this?!"

jeonghan smiles when he gets your text, shooting back, "watch tv in your room if you know you're just gonna fall asleep!"

really, he did the switcharoo for you to let your guard down. yes, moving furniture around is something silly that he would do, but he hid something further in the house that he wants you to find. he's hoping he'll be home when you do, but just the mere thought of your reaction has him chuckling. he goes back to whatever vernon wanted him to do, curious at each buzz from his phone, wondering if it's you.

jeonghan got the best of you, like usual. you did just go to your room, putting on one of your comfort shows so you could relax after a boring shift at work. you only get up to make a quick meal, dozing off again with the empty plate beside you. when the tv wakes you up you figure it's just time for you to go to bed, so you shuffle to the kitchen and notice a light coming from under jeonghan's door. he must have come home while you were napping, but it's late, so you go about your business. you drop your things off in the kitchen, returning upstairs to grab a washcloth and towel from the closet before you lock yourself in the bathroom. jeonghan is listening intently as you move around, waiting for the sound of the shower curtain pulling back and-

"JEONGHAN?!"

with sock clad feet that send him crashing through the now open bathroom door, he greets you with a shit eating grin. "you rang?"

"what the FUCK is that doing in here," you bellow, pointing at the plastic skeleton jeonghan found at the party store earlier that day. he thought it would be funny to hide in the apartment, at first just thinking about propping it up in the kitchen like the dead guy was making a meal, but the idea of scaring you a little was too good for him to pass up.

"man, when was the last time you cleaned your bathroom?" jeonghan jokes, "he must've been in here a while."

"fuck you," you spit, heart still racing from the surprise. that's when jeonghan notices something: you're naked. well, not entirely. like, you definitely don't have clothes on, his eyes flicking down to see your discarded panties and sleep shirt on the floor. he can't see the goods though because you're dangerously holding a towel over your body, one edge of it slipping as you reach out to try and punch jeonghan.

"what, you don't like him?" jeonghan pouts, stepping out of the bathroom to protect himself. "i thought you said you wanted to start decorating for halloween."

"this is not what i meant and you know it, you jackass," you try to say meanly, but jeonghan finds it cute. "it scared the shit out of me."

"i'm sorry," he says finally, hands twitching to reach out and grab you by the waist so he can rub comforting circles on your skin. but he can't. he physically shakes his hands out, a thing he does often enough to reset his mind that you look at him quizzically.

"why'd you do that?" you ask, and he clasps his hands behind his back defensively.

"felt like it," he shrugs. you roll your eyes and reach for the door, grumbling more expletives at him as you try to shut it in his face. "um, y/n?"

"what."

"you gonna shower with him?" jeonghan asks, pointing to your new friend. "i gotta admit, i'm a little jealous-"

"oh my god," you groan, grabbing the skeleton and throwing it at jeonghan with a comical clangor of plastic bones. "i hate you."

"love you too baby," jeonghan laughs as he closes the door for you, hefting the skeleton over his shoulder to go hide him in another corner of the house.

a few days later (jeonghan has hid the skeleton twice now), you come home from a date, dopey smile still on your face. you gasp when you see a body on the couch, thinking it's that stupid skeleton again. you breathe a sigh of relief when you realize it's a snoozing jeonghan instead. he looks angelic, his soft features shining brightly even in the dark room, illuminated by the tv. you don't realize that you're staring, nor do you realize jeonghan is peeking at you, the sound of the door waking him up.

"hey," he calls quietly, startling you. "sorry. i can go back to sleep and you can keep staring."

"i wasn't staring," you say defensively.

"sure," jeonghan nods, checking you out. "you look nice."

"who's staring now?" you ask as you cross to the kitchen. "i went out to dinner, but the portions were too small. do you want something to eat?"

"no, i'm good!" jeonghan calls. "was it a fancy place?"

"what?" you ask, coming back into the living room with a bag of chips. "i couldn't hear you."

"where you ate," he clarifies. "you dressed up, the servings were small, must have been a fancy place this guy took you to."

"how'd you know i was on a date?" you pout.

"y/n, i know you better than anyone else," jeonghan chuckles. "it was obvious. how'd it go?"

"good," you nod, ears burning under jeonghan's close attention. "don't wanna jinx it though."

"ok," jeonghan nods. "well i'm glad it was a good date. you deserve one of those."

"how was your night?" you ask. jeonghan shifts on the couch so there's room for you to sit and join him. once you're settled he explains how his friend seungcheol had come over for drinks, but he left a little while ago.

"i think he's got a girlfriend and doesn't want to tell me," jeonghan says, "because he feels bad that i'm not seeing anybody."

"you want me to find you a lady?" you tease. "you know my friends love you, i'm sure it'd be easy.''

"no," he shakes his head so some of his hair falls in his eyes. it makes it easier for him to stare at you without you noticing. "i'm good."

"well, it's a standing offer," you say as you get up to return the chips to the pantry. when you walk back through the living room, you ask, "where's jack tonight? i'm about to shower, i don't want another heart attack."

"i put the skeleton in your bed," jeonghan smiles with an impish glint in his eyes. "i figured it would be a nice surprise for the poor sap you might have brought home."

"you're annoying."

"thanks!" jeonghan chirps, and you laugh before telling him goodnight. he watches you go, smiling at something on your phone. jeonghan feels a pang in his chest ever so slightly, but he shakes it off, turning the tv off before he goes back to sleep trying not to think about you.

the following week, you're acting off. jeonghan notices immediately, but he doesn't bring it up to you at first. he's not sure if maybe work is stressing you, or maybe you've got family stuff going on...whatever it is, he'll give it a day or two before he checks on you, knowing how you like having time to yourself before someone swoops in to help.

the reality is, you really like this guy you've been talking to. that first date was amazing, and you wanted to go out with him again as soon as possible. you talk all the time, always ducking into your room when he calls while you're around jeonghan. you're actually ignoring jeonghan a lot, which you feel bad about, but you just can't get enough of this new guy. even though you're talking a lot, it's hard to set up another date with him because you're both busy with work. you've got plans to hang out on sunday, and for the first time in a long time, you're excited for a date. not nervous, not dreading it, just pure schoolgirl crush excitement.

that's why it's so crushing when, a few hours before, the guy texts you and cancels. you play it off at first, asking when he's free to reschedule, but his response is basically telling you to get lost. it hurts your feelings more than it should, because he is just some loser dude, but you also didn't know him that long. you have no reason to be so devastated over this, but you are.

jeonghan knew about your second date with this guy, so he made plans to be out of the house for as long as possible on sunday. as selfish as it was, he didn't want to be there for the giddy getting ready (you always ask him for outfit advice and he always tells you that you look great) or for the nervous pacing while you waited for the guy to pick you up (jeonghan always distracts you with jokes to calm your nerves). he also didn't want to be there after the date, if you happened to bring the lucky guy home. so he's out running errands, bothering his friends, and killing time until he's sure he won't walk in on anything he doesn't want to see.

when jeonghan gets home, it's late. after his day of farting around he went to his friend wonwoo's apartment for a while to heckle him while he played video games, and wonwoo finally kicked him out.

"don't you need to go home to your girlfriend?" wonwoo had teased, and jeonghan kicked him from his spot on the couch.

"y/n's my best friend and my roommate."

"so basically your girlfriend," wonwoo smiles that little smile of his, and it annoys jeonghan.

"she doesn't think of it like that," jeonghan mumbles, looking for his phone so he can head home anyway.

"because you're being too subtle."

"i'm not trying to be anything!" jeonghan says defensively. "i don't want her to know."

"why not?" wonwoo asks, finally turning to look at his friend. "you afraid she'll say no? because we all think-"

"i'll see you later, ok?" jeonghan says quickly, his shoes barely on as he tries to unlock the door. "hope cheol doesn't kill you again."

"in his dreams," wonwoo mumbles, his attention effectively back on the game and off of jeonghan.

jeonghan comes home to a mostly dark apartment, the stove light in the kitchen the only indication that you got home before him. he stops at the door to make sure there's no...unpleasant sounds coming from elsewhere, and when he's met with silence he kicks his shoes off carefully before heading to his room. he's exhausted, hiding from you all day being a good way to wear a person out. when he passes by your room something catches his ear, and his heart stops. were you moaning?

jeonghan knows he shouldn't, but he presses his ear against your door, telling himself he's only doing this so he can decide if he needs to stay somewhere else tonight. he's waiting to hear another voice, a man's voice, but he's met with a quiet whimper, followed by some sniffles. his heart roars back to life hearing that, almost breaking to pieces when he realizes you're not moaning, you're in your room crying. he's opening the door before he knows what he's doing, and you jump out of your skin at the unwelcome intrusion.

"go away," you whisper. jeonghan ignores you, coming to your bedside and looking down at you with concern in his eyes. "jeonghan, please. go away-"

"why are you crying?" he asks, and you don't say anything. "what did that asshole do?"

"nothing," you sniff again, willing your tears to stay back as you try to appease your roommate long enough for him to decide you're fine and leave you alone. "h-he was bu-busy and had to cancel-"

"fuck him."

"yeah, whatever," you say shakily. "it doesn't matter. i'm fine. now leave. please." your eyes are closed, trying to hide the tears that are welling up, and jeonghan is so quiet you assume he left, but he's trying not to let his own emotions show as he calls your name.

"y/n," jeonghan whispers, and when you look up at him you can't help it. you start crying again seeing him so upset over you being so upset, and before long you're back to bawling your eyes out. you barely register jeonghan cooing softly at you, climbing into bed and scooping you up into his arms. his lips are pressing soft kisses up and down your hairline, and it makes you cry even more. this is what you want, you think. this is what you need, what you've been missing. you want a boyfriend that will care for you like jeonghan does, that will be there for you like jeonghan is. it physically hurts you to think that you may never have that, that there's a possibility you'll never feel that kind of romantic love from someone. and you want to say that, you want to tell jeonghan why he came home to you pathetically crying so much, but he doesn't care. he just wants you to stop, so he'll hold you in his arms whispering sweet jokes to you until there's no more tears. he gets the slightest smile out of you right before you doze off, hands bunched into his shirt holding on for dear life. jeonghan holds you tighter, pressing one last kiss to the tip of your snotty nose before he drifts off to sleep with you.

you wake up later, not quite in the morning, but a few hours have passed. you're not used to sharing a bed with someone, especially when that person has such a vice grip on you as jeonghan does. once your mind has registered that you're awake, you also feel the burn of someone's eyes on you. sure enough, when you peek into the darkness of your room you see jeonghan staring back, eyebrows creased and teeth nibbling his bottom lip.

"stop chewing your lip," you tell him, reaching out to tug it from between his teeth. "i'm fine. you don't need to worry about me."

"wrong," he replies, watching you intensely as he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. the quiet that follows has your face heating up, and the heat spreads through the rest of your body. it feels like every point where jeonghan's body is pressed against yours is on fire, and you want to pull away. but you don't.

"why aren't you in your room."

"because i wanted to sleep here," he replies. "i hope that's ok."

"it's not-"

"bummer," jeonghan cuts you off. "i'm not leaving."

"i'm not crying anymore though," you point out. "so. i'm fine."

"nope," he shakes his head. his bangs fall back into his eyes, and you think briefly he must need a haircut, but you hope he doesn't get one. the long hair suits him, even if it keeps him from seeing sometimes. you don't think about it, your hand unclenching his shirt and instead reaching up to brush his hair out of his face. jeonghan watches you carefully, and your breath gets caught in your throat when you look back down to his eyes. he's staring at you so intensely you can feel it in your chest, and that's when it hits you: jeonghan. you want a boyfriend like jeonghan. well! jeonghan's right here! what are you gonna do about it?

"jeonghan, i..." you trail off, staring at him like you're seeing him in a new light. he waits patiently for you to go on, thinking you might explain the situation a little more, but you don't know what to say. you just get hit with the intense need to bury your face in his chest, breathing in his scent and listening to his heartbeat as you fall back asleep.

"what?" he asks, trying to encourage you to keep speaking.

"um, can i just-" you try, but instead of speaking you just nuzzle into his chest, nose at the base of his neck tickling his skin. "i want to go back to sleep."

"then sleep baby," he whispers as he squeezes you tighter, afraid to let go. as you fall asleep, you let your hands relax against his chest, one of them laid right over his racing heart.

the next morning, you wake up to an empty bed and almost convince yourself you dreamed up jeonghan last night. like an oasis in the desert, he came to you when you needed him most. a little part of you wishes it wasn't real so you could go back to a time where you didn't know your true feelings for jeonghan, but your mussed sheets proves it wasn't a dream. jeonghan's scent is still lingering on your extra pillow, and you take a deep breath and remember how it felt to be wrapped up in your best friend.

jeonghan comes back into your room with two coffees in hand and he sees you nuzzling your face into the spot where his head laid just minutes ago. he lets you wallow for a moment before he calls your name softly. you jump up, cheeks warming as you look at jeonghan in your doorway.

"morning," he smiles. he hands you your coffee, your cold hands brushing his and sparking warmth across his skin. he stops himself from leaning down to kiss your forehead, knowing that whatever intimacy you shared last night is probably left in the past. you were sad, and jeonghan was there to comfort you. he'd happily do that a million times over, but he doesn't think you feel the same way he does.

"jeonghan, i'm sorry about last night," you try to apologize, but he shakes his head.

"don't," he stops you. "i would do it again if you needed it."

"well if you find me crying over some loser again tonight you have full permission to slap me," you tell him. "one night was enough."

"noted," he laughs, awkwardly standing in your room, unsure if he can get back into bed with you. you pick up on the way his eyes keep flitting from you to his spot, and you pat the empty space so he'll sit down.

"stop being weird," you say, bumping shoulders with him once he's comfortably next to you again. "so how'd you sleep?"

"pretty good," he starts out, "but there was this really annyoing sound coming from your side of the bed?"

"oh you mean me crying?"

"no, like this really loud, obnoxious snoring, kinda like-" jeonghan starts demonstrating, sending you into a fit of giggles and a pushing match to get him to stop.

"i think that was you!" you shriek, carefully trying not to spill your coffee. "don't spill that in my bed, i'll kill you."

"and then who are you gonna cuddle at night?" jeonghan asks, regretting it when he feels the tension between you both.

"i could always cuddle with jack," you joke to break the awkwardness, and jeonghan rolls his eyes.

"i hate that you named the skeleton."

"the skeleton is a guest in our home," you tease him. "show him some respect."

"whatever, freak," he says before downing the rest of his coffee. he gets an idea then, turning to you to ask, "what are you doing today?"

"um, nothing except work," you reply. "but you know my job is barely real so i'm basically doing nothing."

"let's go get coffee," jeonghan says, a playful look in his eyes.

"we just had coffee," you point out.

"no, no, we'll get good coffee, you can do some work, i'll watch you do some work, it'll be great," he insists, getting up and pulling you out of bed with him.

"if you're still trying to cheer me up i swear i'm fine," you say through your laughter, pressing back against jeonghan trying to push you toward your closet. "you don't need to take me for coffee or do anything else to make me feel better. i'm fine now."

"glad to hear it," he smiles softly, squeezing your hand that's clasped firmly in his. "but i still want to get coffee, so get dressed or everyone at the cafe will see you in that god forsaken t shirt."

the t shirt in question is one that jeonghan found for you during one of your goodwill visits. for whatever reason, it says 'i shaved my balls for this' and it got the biggest laugh from you all night, so jeonghan had to bring it home. despite being awful colors (light blue paired with neon yellow) it's actually quite comfortable, and you love the way it makes jeonghan laugh every time you wear it. it's unironically become your favorite sleep shirt, but you are mortified at the thought of anyone aside from your best friend seeing you in it. you quickly change, grabbing your work laptop from your desk before you head into the living room to find jeonghan waiting for you.

it's not unusual for him to take you out on random adventures, but this one feels different. he stays closer to you than normal, insists on buying your drink, and you catch him actually watching you work.

"get a hobby," you mumble, looking down at your laptop so he hopefully won't see your blushing cheeks.

"this is my hobby," he says. "i'm hanging out with my favorite person."

"seungcheol's going to be very sad to hear he's been demoted," you tease.

"he knows where he stands," jeonghan says, still watching you intently. you can't take it anymore, staring back at him.

"seriously, pretend to read or something! you're distracting me."

"i'm distracting you?" he smiles. "why? i'm not doing anything."

"i'm sending this email and then we're leaving," you say, and he shrugs.

"if you want, baby."

baby. it hits you harder this time, jeonghan's silly little nickname for you. you thought it started off as a sarcastic thing, but recently you feel like it sounds sweeter and sweeter coming from his lips. after last night, it makes your heart skip a beat, and that's when it hits you: are you on a date with jeonghan right now?!

"wait. waitwaitwait. hold on," you say, pointing at jeonghan and then yourself. "is this a date? are we on a date?"

"what? no baby," he shakes his head, and now you're confused. "no, if we were on a date you'd know."

"what's that supposed to mean?" you squeak out.

"do you want us to be on a date right now?" jeonghan counters, and you know your blushing cheeks have you in trouble. "you do?"

"i-i don't know-"

"hm, you wanna go on a date with me," jeonghan says matter of factly. "well, that's good to know."

"what are you doing?" you ask as he starts cleaning up his space.

"oh i need to go back to the apartment," he says. "gotta get my laptop so i can start planning a date that's worthy of you. i'll see you at home?"

"jeonghan, what?" you're left sputtering as he heads to the door, not looking back even though he knows your staring. he's afraid you'll see the excited/nervous shake in his hands, so he needs to go cool off. well, that and plan the best date of your entire life. he's got a lot of ground to cover. thankfully, the idiots you usually grace your time with have set the bar pretty low. jeonghan is determined to bring it higher, so high in fact that you won't be able to go on another first date without comparing it to his. if things go right though, maybe you won't have to go on a first date ever again.

jeonghan left the coffeeshop before you, so it would make sense if he was at the apartment when you got back, right? wrong. you come home about an hour later to an empty home, no sign of jeonghan. you think that's fine, it gives you a chance to actually get some work done. but jeonghan being mia has you a little nervous. what's he doing? he said he was going to plan a date. for you. and him. you and jeonghan...on a date? that's crazy.

you've done a good job ignoring that whole concept, trying to get ahead on a project you need to present later this week. you're so hyperfocused that the whole day goes by before you realize it, and when you finally emerge from your room you really expect to find jeonghan in the living room. he's still gone, so you decide to text him, asking casually if he would be home for dinner. the domesticity isn't lost on you, and it makes jeonghan smile when he gets it. he decides to call instead of texting back, balancing his phone against his shoulder and his cheek once you pick up.

"you miss me or something?" he asks, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

"i was just curious," you reply nonchalantly. "you've been missing all day."

"i've been busy."

"oh ok."

"i'll be home soon though," he tells you. "don't make dinner, just make sure you're dressed in an hour."

"for what?"

"a surprise."

"i need more information and you know that," you scoff, and you hear jeonghan chuckle.

"dress nice, but not fancy. and wear something blue so we'll match," he explains, and you feel your cheeks warm. "i gotta go, but i'll see you soon, baby."

hearing that coming from jeonghan now makes your heart skip a beat, and it makes you wonder if you've always felt like this and you just didn't notice. you keep thinking about him as you get ready, steaming out a dress you were planning to wear on a date that didn't happen. it's a soft blue with long sleeves and a low tie in the front. you worry for a moment that it might be too revealing, but checking the time rushes you into action. you're almost ready when there's a knock at the front door, which you ignore. there's another knock, this time louder, so you grumble your way to the living room to peek through the peephole. you gasp when you see what's on the other side.

you throw the door open, revealing a visibly nervous jeonghan with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. he's wearing a blue shirt, almost the exact shade of your dress, and he openly stares at you with a happy smile and a look in his eyes that you've never seen before.

"jeonghan?" you ask, pulling him from his intense focus on your chest.

"y/n," he smiles, eyes flicking up to yours. "you look stunning."

"i'm not ready yet," you pout slightly, checking the time on your phone. "you weren't very specific about when you were coming home."

"you look perfect," he says, checking you out again. "what else could you need to do?"

"wouldn't you like to know?" you tease, and he rolls his eyes.

"i can give you ten minutes, but any longer than that and we'll be late."

"late for what?" you ask as he passes you the flowers. "these are beautiful by the way, carnations are-"

"your favorite, i know," he smiles softly. "you buy yourself a bunch almost every time you're at the grocery store."

"i can't remember the last time someone bought me flowers either," you mumble, opening the door enough for jeonghan to come inside. "what are you still doing out there? it's your house, come in."

"finish getting ready," he laughs at you, reaching for the flowers again. "i'm putting them in a vase, weirdo. you'll get them back when you're done getting pretty."

"i'll be back," you whisper, running off before he can see how nervous you just got. you try to calm your nerves as you finish your touch ups, panicking last minute over which shoes and purse go with your outfit.

jeonghan is sitting on the couch, your flowers in your favorite vase on the coffeetable. he perks up at the sound of you shuffling down the hallway, but he pouts when he sees you holding up all your shoes.

"y/n, we're gonna be late."

"i don't know which ones to wear," you say simply, and he smiles as he comes up to you, analyzing the choices. he picks the white shoes and the white purse.

"glad we're still keeping this tradition alive even though i'm the one taking you out this time," he says proudly, watching you get situated. you stand back up, mussing your hair one last time before he asks, "ready to go, beautiful?"

"i don't know why i'm so nervous," you tell him, taking his arm as you leave the apartment. "we hang out all the time."

"yeah, but this isn't us hanging out," jeonghan says as you wait for the elevator. "i'm taking you on the best date of your life. nerves are completely valid."

"are you nervous?" you whisper, leaning in so jeonghan gets a good whiff of your perfume that he loves finding traces of all through his life. he holds your gaze, eyes flicking down momentarily before he shakes his head.

"no, i thought i would be, but i'm not," he replies simply as you get on the elevator.

"ok good, so i'll just freak out for the both of us then."

"would you? that takes a lot of pressure off of me," jeonghan jokes, and you pinch his arm. "ouch! so mean to me when i've made the perfect night for you."

"and what does this perfect night entail?" you ask. jeonghan just shakes his head, leading you out into the lobby of the building. he takes you a different way, not walking to the parking garage but instead to the main entrance of your building. "jeonghan, are we walking there? i don't think i can make it in these shoes-"

you stop mid-sentence, spotting the shiny baby blue mustang convertible parked outside. you look at jeonghan, mouth open in surprise. he has to tug you down the hallway and out into the cool night air, helping you into the passenger seat with ease. you watch on in shock as he gets into the driver's side, finally cutting through the fog in your mind to ask, "do you even know how to drive this?"

"yeah," jeonghan says coolly, opening the glovebox to hand you a scrunchie of yours that he stole. "here, you might wanna put your hair up."

"you're insane," you tell him, playing with the scrunchie in your lap as he starts the car. you can't believe this so far, and the date's barely begun. what other surprises could he possibly have in store for you?

after a quick ride out of the city, you find yourself at a retro drive in that's completely empty. you have a sneaking suspicion jeonghan rented it just for the two of you tonight, but you don't have a chance to ask. once he parks, he's asking you to open the glovebox and you smile when you see the stack of movie theatre candy boxes he's stashed away. you take them out, turning back to jeonghan to see he's produced a tub of popcorn from somewhere and a couple of your favorite sodas. you stare at him with your mouth opening and closing like a fish and he just smiles proudly in return.

"jeonghan, what did you do?" you finally ask, and he laughs.

"do you like it?"

"what are we doing here?"

"watching a movie," he says obviously. he shifts the snacks, the drinks going into the holders by the radio and the popcorn and candy going on the dashboard. "come closer," he mumbles, tugging your arm. the smooth vinyl of the seats sending you flying into jeonghan's side, and you giggle nervously as you adjust your dress. jeonghan lays the snacks out over your laps and drapes his arm across your shoulders for good measure. he looks at you to gauge whether you're settled or not, and when he decides you're ready he presses on the horn once. the screen in front of you lights up, and you gasp as you see the opening credits for your favorite movie flashing before you.

"where did you get the idea to do this?" you ask him with a smile, taking a few pieces of popcorn to give you something to do with your hands.

"just thought it would be something different," he shrugs, and you leave it at that. you can barely focus on the movie, hyperaware of how warm jeonghan is next to you and how every glance he casts your way sends your heart racing faster and faster. a few minutes into it, you remember your hair is still tied up from the ride, so you shuffle out of jeonghan's grasp to pull the scrunchie down and reset yourself. you know jeonghan is watching, so you mumble, "watch the movie, weirdo."

"i've seen it before," he whispers back, eyes still heavy on you. "i'm not missing anything."

"you've seen me before too," you point out, leaning back into his side once you're done moving around. "quite a lot, actually."

"yeah, but i've never seen you on a date before," he says. "and on a date with me? whoa. i gotta soak it all in."

you turn to look at him then, admiring the way his hair falls so slightly into his eyes, the way his lips stretch over his shy smile, how his eyes glisten when they meet yours. you could kick yourself for not noticing any of this sooner. who knew you had exactly what you were looking for right here?

"jeonghan, i-" you start, but realize you don't have the words to tell him what you want to say. you stop, staring at him with your brows furrowed cutely.

"what, baby?" he laughs, his thumb coming up to trace the creases in your forehead. "you're gonna give yourself premature wrinkles like this."

"why are you doing this?" you ask quietly. "why are you so...wonderful? all the time?"

"because," he shrugs, his hand falling from your forehead to rest just below your chin. "i've been trying to show you what it would be like. took you long enough to come around."

"show me what?" you ask confused.

"what it's like being loved by me," he smiles back. you feel your breath catch in your throat, and you want to say something. you want to tell him how you feel, how you're sorry it took you so long, how you love every moment you spend with jeonghan by your side. instead you just lean forward, lips brushing over his. you bring your hands up to his neck, wrapping them in the soft hair at the back of his head as you scoot impossibly closer and try to press all your love into this one kiss. jeonghan keeps his hold on your chin, thumb stroking softly at your cheek. he's the first one to pull back, laughing when you try to bring his lips back to yours so quickly. he leans his forehead against yours, soft hair tickling your skin as he asks, "so you get it now?"

"yeah," you nod, knocking your heads together and sending you both into a fit of giggles. jeonghan steals a few more kisses, and when you finally calm down he pulls you back into his side, squeezing you as close to him as possible. you lay your head down on his shoulder, pressing your lips into the closest part of him you can reach. "thank you, jeonghan. my jeonghan."

"my y/n," he sighs, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "my beautiful, kind, funny girl."

"stop staring," you whisper bashfully. "you're missing the movie."

"i'm not missing anything," he repeats, but he takes one last look at you before he kisses the top of your head and finally turns back to the screen. this might be your first date with jeonghan, but it certainly won't be your last.

#yoon jeonghan #yoon jeonghan fic #yoon jeonghan imagine #yoon jeonghan one shot #yoon jeonghan fluff #seventeen #seventeen fic #seventeen x reader #jeonghan x reader #svt imagines #svt x reader #svt one shot #svt fluff #seventeen imagines

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icyminghao · 5 months

Text

look at me

pairing: jeonghan x gn!reader genre: fluff, some angst(?), college!au warning(s): none word count: 1.2k

summary: you’ve been noticing that jeonghan never fails to maintain eye contact with everyone he converses with. everyone but you, that is.

In your past year of interacting with and being around a certain Yoon Jeonghan from Mass Communications, you’ve noticed that he loves eye contact.

He maintains intense eye contact in every conversation, one that would definitely render you speechless had you been the receiver of his undivided attention.

Which is why this whole… thing has increasingly become evidence of Yoon Jeonghan’s possible dislike towards you.

From what you’ve noticed, Jeonghan holds eye contact with everyone he’s speaking with, but not you.

You’ve tried asking his best friend, Jisoo, if he’d experienced something similar and whether it was normal, to which he’d just let out an awkward laugh and told you to “Go ask him yourself”, much to your dismay.

But then again, you’re probably overthinking. Right?

“What are you thinking about?”

As if on cue, Wonwoo shows up at just the right time to ground you before you start spiraling down a rabbit hole of self-doubt.

“You know what I’m thinking about,” you sigh, sending Wonwoo a tight-lipped smile.

“Jeonghan again, huh?” Wonwoo chuckles, eyes trailing after the man of the hour from across the bar, having the time of his life with his two best friends in tow. Beside you, Soonyoung nearly spits out his drink at whatever had just come out of Wonwoo’s mouth.

“Yoon Jeonghan? y/n, you like—”

“Soonie, no!” you lightly hit Soonyoung on his forearm, and he dramatically winces in pain like you’d just delivered a killing blow to his arm, “I just… think he doesn’t like me.”

“What? Why? He’s—”

“It’s stupid,” you cut Soonyoung off before he can complete his sentence. Soonyoung simply stares at you, and you sigh.

“Well, um, you know how he always maintains eye contact with whoever he’s speaking?” Soonyoung raises an inquisitive eyebrow, but nods anyway, prompting you to continue, “I’ve been realising recently that he just doesn’t seem to want to look at me every time we talk.”

An eerie silence engulfs the three of you, and you can almost hear the gears turning in Soonyoung’s head, making you all the more insecure.

“Let me get this straight,” Soonyoung speaks up after what feels like a long while, holding back laughter, “You think that loverboy over there doesn’t like you because he refuses to make eye contact with you?”

“I told you it was stupid!” you groan, resting your head on your hands, “Wonwoo, help me here!”

“Well, it is pretty stupid,” Wonwoo shrugs, patting your back in an attempt to comfort you.

“He doesn’t hate you, y/n,” Soonyoung pipes up, practically exploding from where he’s seated. “It’s quite the opposite, really-”

“What’s quite the opposite?” you remove your head from your hands to be greeted with the sight of Seungcheol coming up to stand in front of the three of you, Jeonghan and Jisoo in tow.

“Hyung! My man,” Soonyoung raises his voice in excitement, and you wince a little at the sheer volume as they both greet each other with a hug.

As usual, Jeonghan’s eyes are trained on anything but you, and you can’t help but notice that he’s being a little more fidgety than usual, bouncing on the balls of his feet and playing with his fingers all while Seungcheol and Soonyoung are quite literally acting like nobody else is around them watching their interaction.

“Anyway, we’re here because Jeonghan… has something to say to y/n,” Seungcheol turns to us and explains with a teasing lilt in his voice, and Jeonghan’s cheeks darken ever so slightly under the dim lighting of the club.

“He does? That’s literally such a coincidence, we were just talk—”

“Let’s go, Soonyoung, I just saw Jihoon over there,” Wonwoo cups a hand over Soonyoung’s mouth before he can complete his sentence, practically dragging him away from the conversation.

Seungcheol and Jisoo, too, bid their awkward goodbyes, each lightly punching Jeonghan on his shoulder before leaving the two of you behind. Alone.

For awhile, the two of you simply stand there in silence, and you can only hope and pray for the ground to swallow you whole.

“Um—”

“I have nothing to say to you.” Jeonghan cuts you off as you speak, and your eyes widen a little at his cold tone.

“Oh, I—” you shrink into yourself, willing yourself to stay calm.

“No! Wait, I meant—” Jeonghan leans forward, taking a deep breath, “Seungcheol and Jisoo put me up for this for no reason.”

“So it’s a joke?” you scoff, raising an incredulous eyebrow at Jeonghan as the embers of rage grow inside of you.

“No! I—” Jeonghan’s eyes widen, immediately shaking his head to refute before you cut him off.

“Do you hate me, Jeonghan?”

“What? No, I- I don’t hate you, y/n,” Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, you refuse to look at me every time we talk, and now you’re- you’re doing this and making me confused and- I don’t know what to think, Jeonghan.” you bite back, growing more and more annoyed by the second

“Look, I-” Jeonghan pauses, seemingly trying to gather the right words, “I don’t hate you, y/n. I could never.”

You open your mouth to reply, but Jeonghan holds a hand up, continuing, “I’m just— I usually know what to do, okay? Usually, it’d be the other way around, and you’d be the one as flustered as I am right now, but you’re- you’re different. I’ve… had a crush on you ever since we met through Wonwoo and I just… couldn’t hold a conversation with you long enough without chickening out and just ended up trying as much as possible not to interact with or look at you so I don’t make a fool of myself and I guess… you saw it as me hating you and no, that’s not true, it’s far from it even, I—”

Jeonghan is cut off as you lean forward to press the tiniest of kisses on his lips to shut him up, and his eyes widen in response.

“I like you too, Jeonghan,” you flash him the softest of smiles, and he just looks right back at you blankly, still trying to process what had just happened, much to your endearment.

“You… do?” you nod. “But… I was so horrible to you.”

“You didn’t mean it, did you?” you reply, and Jeonghan shakes his head immediately. “I didn’t, but—”

“Well, then, you could make up for it by taking me on a date,” you cut him off, surprising both him and yourself at your boldness. Jeonghan flashes the cutest shade of red, before nodding determinedly.

“We should get back to the boys,” wrapping your arms around Jeonghan, you start leading him towards where the boys have gathered from across the club, filled with newfound hope for your blossoming relationship with Jeonghan, “They haven’t stopped looking at us since they left.”

BONUS:

“And then he told me to— Hannie, why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Jeonghan simply chuckles from beside you as you pause your rambling, furrowing your brows at him.

“You’re staring. What happened to refusing to look at me, hm?” you lean towards him, taunting.

“Well, that made you think I hated you, so I’ve gotta ramp up the eye contact to make sure you know how much I love you, babe.” Jeonghan leans forward too, resting his forehead on yours.

“You’re so cheesy,” you lightly punch his chest, giggling.

“Only for you, babe.”

a/n: hi i’m back! i hope this was okay, i struggled with jeonghan’s characterisation but i thought a flustered him would be cute ><

taglist: @xomingyu @pepperonidk @belladaises @tastymintchocolate @dahliatopia @kwantaro @chanceonceli

masterlist

#kflixnet #k-labels #caratsland #ICY WRITES #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #seventeen imagine #svt fluff #svt x reader #svt imagine #jeonghan #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan #yoon jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan fluff

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beomboomboom · 12 days

Text

Hidden Secret

genre: fluff, fwb to lovers, drunk confession

pairing: Jeonghan x reader

summary: In which the one secret Jeonghan never wanted to reveal got revealed in the worst way possible.

warnings: mentions of drinking and alcohol, swearing, suggestive, mentions of sex

note: Drunk Jeonghan is so fine asdfghjkl (prove me wrong 😤😛). This fic is part of an ask for drunken confession fics. Enjoy reading the fic <33

Jeonghan doesn't consider himself one to keep secrets from you.

In fact, he's practically shown and told you everything. From all the juicy drama he hears from his friends to what his body looks like underneath all his baggy clothes that he wears all the time.

But there is an exception of course. He has one secret that he vows to never tell you, or anyone for that matter. A secret that he knows will most definitely ruin his friendship with you, or any contact with you at all in the first place.

A secret that has him wanting to be more than friends who casually fuck.

But he knows that you'll never see him that way. So rather than confessing to you, he's resolved to remain content, because being with you and being able to feel your body against his is better than nothing at all.

Groaning, Jeonghan begrudgingly wakes up as he feels a sharp throbbing pain in his head, evidence of his drinking activities last night.

Gosh, I really shouldn't have drank so much.

Yawning and stretching his arms, Jeonghan suddenly halts to a stop when he sees your bare body peacefully sleeping right next to him.

That's weird.

Normally after you and Jeonghan fuck he'll usually clean you up and walk you home, not let you stay and sleep with him (that only happens on your monday movie nights). So the fact that you're here sleeping next to him while naked is an rare occurrence to say the least.

Suddenly all the memories from last night flood back into his head.

The party.

Getting drunk.

Wait.

His secret he vowed to never tell anyone.

His secret that he might've just admitted to you while drunk last night.

Shit.

"Jeonghan?! Where are you dragging me?" You question, confusion evident on your face as Jeonghan whisks you away from your conversation at the party in his house.

"I need to tell you a secret," Jeonghan whispers into your ear with a drunk smile. "Let's go in there."

"Wait-" You yell as Jeonghan walks into a random closet and silently waits for you to join him. " Are you sure you want to tell your secret in there? Are you crazy? It's so cramped in there!"

"It's okay, I'll make space," Jeonghan says with a grin as he shuffles to the side. "Besides, it's not like it's your first time being this close to me."

Sighing, you enter the closet and shut the door. "Are you drunk right now? I can smell the alcohol in your breath."

"A littlee~," Jeonghan giggles as a wave of silence falls over the two of you.

"Jeonghan? What did you have to tell me?" You question as you look up in the his direction, where you notice his flushed face is looking at you with a certain feeling in his eyes that you can't exactly place.

"I love you!" Jeonghan leans down to your ear and whispers "but that's the secret, so I won't tell you about it"

"Stop joking with me," you say in disbelief. "You're drunk."

"And in lovee with you," Jeonghan replies with a giggle as he scoots closer to you to give you a peck on the lips.

You groan in reply, "fuck."

Grabbing Jeonghan's face you quickly attach your lips to his, as your lips quickly mold together with his in a symphony you know by heart at this point.

"Let's go upstairs to one of the empty rooms," Jeonghan mutters as he tears his lips away from yours and starts to drag you out of the closet. "I want to show you how much I love you."

Shit.

Jumping out of bed, Jeonghan runs to the bathroom and shuts the door. "Nononono. This can't be happening right now."

"This has to be a dream," Jeonghan mutters to himself as he splashes water on himself, dread filling his stomach as he feels the wetness of the water rolling down his face.

Fuck, this isn't a dream.

"I did not just mess up everything," Jeonghan mutters as he rubs his hands on his face. "Fuck."

Suddenly Jeonghan freezes the second he feels your arms slide around his waist, your face pressed against his back. "I saw you got out of bed earlier than me so I tried finding you. hehehe I guess I'm quite good at finding you, eh?"

Turning around abruptly, Jeonghan takes your face in his hands and asks, "do you remember what happened last night?"

"Yeah, your drunk confession was cute," You say with a giggle. "But don't worry, I feel the same way."

Jeonghan can only stare at you in shock. On one hand he's absolutely mortified that he had drunkenly confessed to you. But on the other hand he's screaming in disbelief, his one-sided love was not so one-sided after all.

"To be honest, I didn't want to tell you my feelings because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship," you admit bashfully. "So, I'm glad you confessed first."

Jeonghan fondly laughs in reply, "fuck, I love you so much."

Pressing his lips onto yours, all you can do is simply moan in response as Jeonghan starts to lead you to his bed.

"Let me show you how much I love you, without hiding it this time."

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen x reader #jeonghan fanfic #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan x you #jeonghan x y/n #yoon jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan fluff #yoon jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan x you

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viastro · 1 year

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to live again | yoon jeonghan

ミ★ synopsis: it’s been years since your last milestone birthday; a time when everything still felt right in the world with youth and ambition. now that you’re older and times have changed, would you dare take a chance to save someone else in the past at the cost of your own future?

ミ★ genre: time travel!au, childhood friends to lovers!au, slow burn, angst, some fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, and brief(?) major character death

ミ★ word count: 38,765 (what in gods name.)

ミ★ pairings: jeonghan x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: omg hey... long time no see haha .... okay i’m sorry for not posting for five months it’s my fault but uh this was supposed to be my three year anniversary gift and then i failed as a human being KSHGRKDHK i’m so sorry it’s so hard balancing writing and university :,)) but i’m offering my longest oneshot ever as both a peace offering and a three year anniversary gift! i hope you guys enjoy this one, and PLEASE make sure to read the warnings! i love you all, thank you for your endless support even tho i’m not as active anymore </333

ミ★ update 6/22/23: here is the sequel of to live again, dear dream

You’re sitting at the table, a small smile on your face as your friends sing you a happy birthday. You glance at each of their faces, from Dokyeom’s bright smile, to Seungcheol breaking out into laughter, there’s nothing but joy around you in the celebration of your birth.

“Happy birthday to you~” Seungkwan sings loudly, making sure to prolong the last note as you grin softly. Chan leans over and nudges him in the ribs, making the blonde cough as he falls back into his seat. The brunette gestures to you after patting Seungkwan on the back as an apology, “Make a wish, yn.”

You bite your bottom lip at his words, glancing at all of them as the one wish you’ve made every year since you turned 18 comes to mind. You turn your head towards the chair in front of you, letting out a breath when you see the blonde haired boy sitting there, staring at you with a small smile as he waits for you to blow out the candle.

Closing your eyes, you quietly wish,

I wish for Yoon Jeonghan to have a second chance.

You open your eyes and gently blow out the candle, glancing back up at the chair across from you, seeing it now empty as your friends around you cheer loudly.

Ah, that’s right, you think to yourself when Jun pulls out the cake knife to start cutting slices for everyone. You swallow the lump in your throat and bow your head as a thank you when Wonwoo hands you your cake, eyes still trained on the empty chair as you hear the chatter of your friends around you.

Jeonghan’s dead.

“Did you enjoy your birthday?” You look up from your phone to see Minghao walking over to you from the bathroom, drying his wet hair with his towel as he plops down beside you on the couch. Nodding your head, you give him a small smile, “Yeah, it was fun seeing everyone again.”

Minghao snorts, “You say that like we don’t see them every other week.”

“Is it a crime to miss my friends?” You ask with a laugh, to which your roommate just gently nudges your head with his before pulling out his phone. A comfortable silence falls over the two of you, the sound of Minghao ruffling his hair with the towel heard occasionally as he scrolls through his phone. However, you’re too occupied with your own thoughts to watch videos with him as you stare aimlessly at the wall.

You and Jeonghan were born in the same year, something you learned the moment you two met as children.

You turned 21 today.

But Yoon Jeonghan will always be 5 months and 14 days away from turning 19 years old.

“Yn, are you thinking about him?” You’re snapped out of your thoughts when Minghao’s voice chimes from beside you, and you turn to see him looking at you with a concerned gaze. You press your lips into a thin line and turn away, nodding your head in response.

He lets out a breath from beside you, “You shouldn’t be blaming yourself for his death.”

“I could’ve done more. I could’ve spoke to him, invited him to eat lunch with me, offered to be his partner in group projects–”

“None of those things would’ve stopped him from making the decision that he did that day.” Minghao interjects, and you shake your head. “You’re wrong.”

“Yn–”

“I can’t help but constantly think that maybe if I had acted earlier, then he would’ve come to my birthday instead of ending his life. He would’ve still been here.” You mutter, and the black haired beauty just stares at you quietly as you swallow the lump that’s growing in your throat. Biting your bottom lip, you stand up from the couch and walk towards your bedroom without another word, leaving Minghao by himself in the living room.

You shut the door behind you and lean your back against it, shutting your eyes tightly as you slowly slide down until you’re sitting on your bedroom floor. You raise your hands up to your face, letting out a shaky breath as you remember that day.

You’re staring at that familiar head of blonde hair, the envelope sitting inside your desk as your teacher continues to ramble on about the quadratic formula. You blink when you feel a tap on your back, and you glance back to see your friend looking at you with a mischievous smile.

“Want to buy snacks with me during lunch?” Yeji asks, and the corner of your lips curls upwards. Nodding your head, you quickly whisper back, “I just need to do something really quick before we go.”

She gives you the okay! sign, and you grin before turning back towards the front. The sound of the bell is heard soon afterwards, and almost all of your classmates immediately stand up to start running to the cafeteria for lunch. You take out the envelope and turn back, peering over the top of everyone’s heads, and let out a breath when you see a flash of blonde.

Nervously, you walk over towards the front of the class, the feeling of your classmates’ eyes on you as you do so. You come to a stop when you’re standing beside his desk, staring at the top of his head as he quietly draws in his journal. He halts his movement when he senses someone standing beside him, and he slowly glances up until his eyes are locked on yours.

You don’t fail to notice the confusion that immediately floods his face, with you being the last person he’d expect to come and talk to him.

He blinks, “Yn?”

“Jeonghan, hi.” You say with a small smile, one that he doesn’t return due to the fact that he is still very confused as to why you’re talking to him. Biting the inside of your cheek at the feeling of all the eyes on you and the pretty boy, you finally hold out the envelope in his direction.

He slowly takes it from your grasp, almost as if he thinks it’s just a prank. You watch as he opens it up and takes out the card that’s inside, and he blinks down at the invitation.

“Come to my birthday party this Saturday. It’s just a small gathering of my family and a couple of friends. You can even invite your family to come since our parents have known each other for a long time.” You explain, feeling your face grow hotter the longer he stays quiet. He finally looks back up at you with an indecipherable look in his eyes, and you internally wonder what’s going through his head.

“We haven’t hung out since we were kids, why are you suddenly inviting me?” Jeonghan asks in a quiet voice, and you let out a small smile.

“Because I want you to come.”

The blonde haired boy stares at you for a moment longer, letting your answer sink in as the two of you stand in silence. You watch as he finally looks down at his journal, a hint of a smile appearing over his pretty features as he finally responds,

“Okay, I’ll make sure to be there.”

You let out a sigh and slowly lower your hands from your face, blinking slowly as you remember the small smile he had on his face when you left the classroom to go get lunch. You rest your head back against the door, about to close your eyes when the sound of something sliding on the floor catches your attention.

You glance down beside you, just to bite the inside of your cheek when you see a birthday card sitting there. The sound of Minghao’s soft voice rings out from behind your door as you lift up the card,

“Happy birthday, yn.”

You open up the card once you hear Minghao disappear off to his room, and a quiet chuckle escapes past your lips when you see the numerous small paragraphs written from each of your friends inside. From heartfelt messages like Chan’s, to short but sweet messages like Jihoon’s, you feel a bit of your heart mend itself together as you stare at the electronically lit candle on your card.

Ever since you met the 12 of them in university, they have come to learn of the guilt you feel whenever your birthday season rolls around. They never tried to ridicule you for it, or try to belittle your feelings like others have. Instead, they do their best to make sure you always smile on your birthday.

Your eyes fall onto your alarm clock, seeing the bright red numbers stare back at you in the darkness of your room.

11:59 PM

Your gaze trails back down to your birthday card, and you let out a dry chuckle at the shining birthday candle drawing. Your eyes linger on the one empty space that doesn’t have any writing from the 12 boys, and you press your lips into a thin line.

Glancing at the battery operated candle on your card, you close your eyes and quietly whisper to yourself,

“I wish for Yoon Jeonghan to have a second chance.”

Opening your eyes, you blow on the candle seconds before the clock strikes midnight. You watch as the candle turns dark, and the corner of your lips quirks upwards at the cute birthday card. A yawn escapes past your lips a moment afterwards, a sign that it’s time for you to go to bed.

Standing up from the floor, you walk over to your bed and place the birthday card onto your bedside table. You bellyflop onto the covers, rolling over so that you’re staring up at the ceiling with tired eyes. Your thoughts are all over the place as fatigue slowly takes over, but a single tear escapes past your eye as the memory of Jeonghan’s blonde hair walking down the halls comes to mind right before everything turns black.

You’re startled awake by the sound of your alarm going off, and you let out a groan as you quickly reach your hand out and slam it down on the clock to silence it. Rolling over onto your side once the ringing stops, you can already feel yourself beginning to fall back asleep when your bedroom door suddenly slams open.

You let out a groan, “Minghao, I swear to God–”

“Minghao? Who the hell is Minghao?!” Your eyes snap open at the sound of your mother’s voice, and you quickly sit up in bed and turn towards her. “Mom? What are you doing in my apartment…”

Your voice trails off when you quickly realize that you, in fact, are not in your apartment. You’re in your childhood bedroom, except it’s different from when you moved out. It doesn’t have the same decorations it used to have. The polaroids that used to adorn the walls are replaced with posters of the kpop group you liked in high school, as well as old family photos.

“What the fuck?” You mutter with wide eyes as you gaze around your room, only to get whacked in the face by a pillow.

“Language! Now get up from bed or else you’ll be late for school again.” Your mom tells you, and you can only blink at her as she steps out of your room. Once the door shuts behind her, you immediately raise your hand up and slap yourself in the face.

The sound resonates through your room, and as you rub your cheek to soothe the stinging sensation, you find the pit in your stomach growing when it slowly starts to sink in that this isn’t a dream. You’re in your childhood bedroom, with your mom shouting at you to get ready for school—something she hasn’t done since you graduated high school.

“Wait.” You murmur once the thought comes to mind, and you reach out to grab your phone off your night stand. Turning it on, you stare at your lock screen as the date flashes in your eyes.

January 15, 2019

Your phone falls from your hands and lands onto the floor with a loud thud, but you pay no mind to it as you quickly get up from bed and walk to your closet. You yank out your school uniform and hurriedly start to strip out of your pajamas and into your school uniform, needing to get to school to see for yourself if this is really happening.

If you really came back in time.

“Yn! Great job at the final game on Friday!”

“Your hair looks so cute today, yn!”

“Yn!”

You ignore all the calls of your name as you walk through the hallways of your high school, the sound of your heart beating against your chest is the only thing you can hear as you head straight towards your classroom.

You had forgotten how well known you were in high school.

Just when you’re about to turn the corner towards your classroom, a hand reaches out and grasps your wrist, spinning you around so that you’re face to face with them.

You find yourself staring into the eyes of the guy who had the biggest crush on you throughout the entirety of your senior year, and you watch as the corner of his lips quirks upwards.

“Hi, yn.”

“Jaehyun, I’m a bit busy right now. I’ll talk to you later.” You say with an apologetic smile, before gently removing your hand from his grip. You quickly turn around and run towards your classroom, feeling the eyes of everyone around you as you leave the school’s heartthrob standing alone in the hallway.

Once the sight of your classroom’s sliding door comes into view, you immediately reach out and slam it open. The sound resonates throughout the room, gaining the attention of your classmates as they all turn in your direction with surprised expressions on their faces.

“Yn, you good?” Yeji asks from your desk, but you pay her no mind as you frantically search the classroom for that blonde head of hair. Your heart falls when you don’t see him anywhere, and you reach down to pull your phone out of your pocket, checking the date again to make sure.

“It’s January, where is he?” You mutter to yourself, and you quickly move to turn around to search for him again, only to almost immediately slam into the person behind you.

“I’m so sorry—” The rest of the apology dies in your throat when your eyes latch onto the person’s name tag. You blink at the sight, before your eyes trail down to their hands that are resting on your arms as a way to steady you. Hearing your own heartbeat against your ears, you slowly look up until you’ve locked eyes with the boy you’ve missed most in the last three years.

Jeonghan is staring into your eyes with an inquisitive gaze, his pretty blonde hair resting softly over his forehead. You remember the day he had dyed his hair, having made him stick out among the crowd due to the brightness of the color. While others around you may have giggled or whispered about it, you had stayed quiet about how beautiful he looked with blonde hair.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asks in a quiet voice, but you can only stare at him in disbelief as tears prick the back of your eyes at the sound of his voice. You watch as concern floods his gaze when you don’t give him an answer, and you bite the inside of your cheek as you lower your head towards the floor to hide your glassy eyes.

“I-I’m okay.”

He continues to look at you for a moment longer, before nodding his head and letting go of your arms. You slowly tilt your head up so that you’re looking at him again, only to pause when you see how uncomfortable he appears as he glances around the room behind you.

You turn around to find the eyes of all your classmates trained on you and Jeonghan, with expressions ranging from shock to genuine confusion. Frowning slightly, you turn back towards the blonde haired boy, just for him to avert his gaze to the floor as he steps around you.

“Glad to know you’re okay.” He mutters, before walking over to his desk without another word. You watch him with a dazed look in your eyes, still unable to believe that this is happening as Yeji rushes over to you and grabs your arm.

“Yn! Everyone’s staring, let’s go to our desks.” She hurriedly whispers to you as she grabs your arm and drags you to your seats. You plop down in your chair, unable to ignore all the eyes on you as you glance over in the direction of the pretty boy. He’s staring down at his journal, foot tapping against the floor while listening to your teacher explain the lesson plan for the day.

A small smile takes over your features, even though you know this is far from over, or that this could be a dream. You allow yourself to feel the slightest bit of relief at the fact that he’s here, the boy you’ve missed all these years.

Your eyes trail over to the calendar pinned to the wall beside the whiteboard, staring at today’s date as you drown out the lecture your high school teacher is teaching.

January 15, 2019

Three months. That’s how long you have to prevent Jeonghan from doing what he did.

You let out a shaky breath, before pulling out your journal and pencil to start jotting down a plan. You fail to notice the blonde haired boy shooting a glance towards you, silently wondering what’s going on in your mind as you vigorously write into your notebook.

“Okay, yn. What was that earlier?” You glance up from your lunch tray to see Yeji placing her food down in front of you and sitting down. You place a piece of pickled radish into your mouth, chewing it as Yeji waits for you to answer. Once you swallow the vegetable, you simply shrug your shoulders as you look around the cafeteria, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You and Yeji aren’t that close in the present time, the consequence of going to different universities after graduating high school. There’s still the occasional texts greeting each other happy birthday! or asking how the other has been, but it never progresses past that.

Your gaze trails back to your high school best friend when she reaches out and smacks your arm, and a small smile forms on your face at the fact that you get to experience this again. She squints at the grin on your lips, and she lightly hits your arm again, making you pull away with a slight frown.

“Why do you keep hitting me? I’m just trying to eat my lunch!”

“Because you’re trying to act all coy! Now tell me why you ran into the classroom looking like a crazy person, and what you were aggressively writing in your notebook for all of math?” Yeji asks, picking up a piece of pickled radish and shoving it into your mouth because she knows it's your favorite. You chew the vegetable, feeling your heart warm a bit from the small act of kindness shown from your friend even though she’s annoyed with you.

Maybe I’ll get the chance to make sure we don’t drift apart in the future as well, you think to yourself as you swallow the pickled radish. You just wave a hand at her, “I just had a weird morning, thought I was going to be late to class.”

“That doesn’t explain how violently you were writing in your notebook.” Yeji points out with a raised eyebrow, and you roll your eyes. “What if I wanted to write notes because I thought the lecture was interesting?”

“Your memory is insane. You hardly ever write notes.”

“I heard that writing notes helps you retain information even better, so I decided to start taking notes.” You tell her with ease, gazing around the cafeteria in hopes that you’ll find that bright head of blonde hair. Yeji presses her lips into a thin line at your answer, before sighing in defeat as she gently kicks your shin to get your attention. “You know that I worry about you easily.”

“I know, but don’t worry. I’m just trying to make sure I look competitive for the universities that I apply to.” You say with a small smile, to which the brunette returns. Feeling like you’re in the clear, you shove the last of the rice into your mouth and stand up from the table. Chewing on the last bite of food, you gesture over towards the exit, “I’m going to start heading to class. I want to study a bit.”

Yeji wrinkles her nose at you talking with your mouth full, and waves you away with her hand. “Okay, okay. I’ll see you in a bit.”

With one last smile, you wave at her and walk over towards the doors. Placing your tray where the dirty dishes are, you hurriedly step out of the cafeteria and head in the direction of your classroom.

While eating lunch with Yeji, you came to the realization that Jeonghan was nowhere to be found. When you started thinking back on memories of lunch at school, you quickly came to the conclusion that you never actually saw the pretty boy eat in the cafeteria. You only ever saw him in class and in the hallways when you’d pass each other, but nowhere else at school.

You stop by the vending machine outside of your classroom and slip in a coin, before inputting the code to the coffee. You bounce from foot to foot while you wait for the drink to come out, and you quickly snatch the can out of the dispenser before hurrying to your classroom.

You slide the door open once you’ve made it outside of the class, only to blink when you find the room to be empty. You slowly walk up to Jeonghan’s desk, finding no lunch box in sight. Letting out a breath, you glance up at the time to see that there’s only around 15 minutes left of lunch.

“Where could he have gone?” You murmur to yourself, looking down at the canned coffee you bought for him. You roll it in your hands, before pressing your lips into a thin line and stepping out of the classroom. Walking down the hallway, you hold the coffee close to your chest as you think of the possible places Jeonghan could go to have lunch.

“There’s the field, but the weather isn’t that nice today. I don’t think he’d eat in the library, either.” You mutter to yourself as you sneak a peek into each room you walk past to see if he’s in one of them. Clutching the can of coffee, you’re about to turn back and head to the classroom when you freeze at the sound of a song coming from the stairwell.

You blink at the soft voice you hear, and slowly start to walk towards the stairwell. Your heart thumps against your chest when you begin to recognize the angelic voice, having not heard it since you were a child.

Taking quiet steps into the stairwell, you stop when you see the back of that bright blonde head of hair. You watch in silence as he sings an unfamiliar song, a small smile beginning to play on your features when you see him tapping his foot to the beat. He doesn’t appear to notice you at the entrance, his headset blocking his sense of hearing to the outside world.

You don’t mind, though. You can see how content he looks sitting by himself, singing softly to a song that he likes while he waits for lunch to be over.

It’s only when he stops singing that you finally take a few steps towards him and sit down beside him on the step, promptly scaring the shit out of him when he shouts.

“JESUS CHRIST!” Jeonghan exclaims when you plop down beside him, hand clutching his chest as his heart beats loudly against his ears from the scare. You give him an apologetic smile while trying to stop the laughter that threatens to escape your lips, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He sucks in a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm down, even patting his chest to try and make his heart stop beating so loudly. Running a hand through his blonde hair, he turns back to you, “Did you want to sit here? I can leave.”

You shake your head immediately, making him blink in confusion. Giving him a small smile, you hold the canned coffee out towards him, which he just glances at before looking back up at you. You wiggle the drink in your hand a bit, signaling him to take it from your grasp. He takes one more hesitant glance at the coffee, before reaching out and taking it from you.

“Why did you get me this?” He asks quietly, now back to the closed off Jeonghan you remembered from the past. You shrug your shoulders, resting your cheek on the top of your knees as you face him, “Just thought about you when I was getting a drink at the vending machine.”

He blinks at you, a habit of his that you’ve quickly come to notice. Biting the inside of his cheek, he turns away from you and stares down at the canned coffee you bought for him. You turn away as well, being reminded of the days you sat at the top of the stairs for months after he passed.

Back then, you had no idea that this was where he’d spend lunch.

Silence falls over the two of you, with sounds of your classmates’ conversations and the occasional laugh ringing from afar. You don’t find it to be suffocating like you would with anyone else though. There’s something about the silence between you two that’s comforting.

It’s only a moment later when Jeonghan finally speaks, a single word that’s spoken so softly you almost miss it.

“Thanks.”

You glance at the pretty boy beside you, watching as he pops open the can and takes a long sip of the coffee you bought for him. You’re unable to fight the smile that takes over your features at the sight, and you just nod your head as you murmur in response,

“Of course, Jeonghan.”

“Yn! Are you going to the group dinner tonight?” You shut your locker to find your teammate, Chaewon, looking at you with an inquisitive expression on her face. Giving her an apologetic smile, you shake your head, “No, sorry! I’m busy after school—I already made sure to let the others know.”

“What? How come I missed your text? That doesn’t matter, yn! I want you to be there for our celebratory dinner after wrapping up the season!” Chaewon whines, wrapping her arms around you in an attempt to convince you. You chuckle at her theatrics and pat the top of her head, “I’m sorry, Chae. I promise I’ll be at the next one, and I’ll make sure to sit beside you.”

Chaewon pouts at you in a last ditch attempt, but you remain strong and just stare at her quietly. She lets out a huff of defeat and removes her arms from around you, to which you just smile and pat the top of her head again.

“Alright, but you promised! You can’t break it!” She says while pointing at you, and you laugh with a nod of your head. You gesture down the hallway, “Go, you don’t want to be late.”

Your friend lets out a breath and nods her head, sending you a wave before hurrying down the hallway. You watch as her short hair sways back and forth in time with each step she takes, and you press your lips into a thin line before turning away.

“Time to find Jeonghan—”

“Yn!” You turn your head to find Jaehyun walking up to you with a grin on his face, and you give him a small smile in return. “Hi, Jae. How was class?”

“It was alright. It was kinda nice to learn how to properly create a resume.” He tells you, and you chuckle with a nod of your head, remembering how genuinely helpful that class was for you in the future. He leans against the locker, a warm look in his eyes as he asks, “Do you want to go to the arcade with me? I heard from Yeji how you’ve been trying to win that Snorlax plushie from the claw machine.”

You bite the inside of your cheek at the reminder of your obsession of trying to get your favorite pokémon from the rigged claw machines at the arcade, having completely forgotten about it when you grew older. In the past, you agreed to go with Jaehyun since he offered to help you get Snorlax, but you both just ended up losing $30 to the claw machine and got boba instead.

But you didn’t come back in time to entertain Jaehyun and waste your time trying to win a plushie at the arcade.

You came back in time to save Yoon Jeonghan.

Giving the brunette an apologetic smile, you gesture towards the hallway behind you, “Sorry, Jae. I promised my mom that I’d help her clean up our garden after school.”

You don’t fail to notice the slight disappointment that washes over Jaehyun’s face at your answer, and you almost feel bad for turning him down because of this. He quickly puts on a small smile, his dimple appearing as he waves his hand at you, “It’s okay, yn. No worries, we can just go some other time.”

Not giving him a response, you just send him a smile and a wave, before turning around and hurrying towards the exit of the school. Stepping through the doors, you look around at all of the students leaving campus, trying to find that familiar blonde head of hair.

Your eyes widen when you finally spot the blonde, and you practically run after him. Calling out his name once you’re close enough, you let out a huff when you see that he has an airpod in each ear, and take a few more steps until you’re walking right beside him.

He blinks when he notices something in his peripheral vision, and right when he’s about to turn his head, you pop forward so that he’s staring directly into your eyes. He practically chokes on a scream and rips out an earbud, hand resting over his chest as he looks at you.

“Hi!”

“You scared the fucking shit out of me!” Jeonghan exclaims as he takes out his other airpod and puts it into its case. You give him an apologetic smile and shrug your shoulders, “You were listening to music so you didn’t hear me shouting after you almost a block away.”

“Is your way of greeting me to scare the shit out of me? First you jumpscared me in the stairwell yesterday, and now you pop out of nowhere like a jack in the box. I am not a fan of this technique.” Jeonghan tells you as he runs a hand through his hair, beginning to walk down the sidewalk again while you follow after him. Nudging his shoulder with yours, you chuckle, “Maybe if you didn’t listen to music at full blast then you’d be able to hear my presence when I’m nearby.”

“I’m just used to listening to music like that.”

“Why? So you can ruin your hearing and have similar hearing to an elderly man at the ripe age of 17?”

“No one ever really talks to me, so I don’t see a reason to not wear my headphones unless I’m in class.” Jeonghan says with a light laugh, when what he said is something that shouldn’t be laughed about. You feel your heart weigh with guilt at the jokes you were making, and look down at the pavement as the two of you walk.

“I’m sorry.”

Jeonghan shrugs his shoulders, “No need to apologize.”

“Well. Try not to blast your music that loudly from now on, okay?” You say, turning to him to gauge his reaction. You watch as the blonde blinks in confusion, turning to you with a curious gaze as he tilts his head, “Why?”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you give him a warm smile, “Because I want you to be able to hear me when I talk to you.”

With that, you turn away and start looking up at the sky as silence falls over the both of you. You can feel Jeonghan’s eyes on you for a moment longer, before he turns away to look down at the sidewalk as the two of you continue to walk home.

It’s a few minutes later, when he finally responds,

“Okay.”

“Yn, this is Jeonghan. He’s the son of your favorite auntie—your mommy’s best friend, remember?” You look inquisitively at the small boy in front of you, staring into his big eyes in silence as the two of you make each other out.

“The two of you are both 6 years old, why not be friends?” Your mom says with a big smile, reaching out to pull Jeonghan a step closer to you. You look up to see your auntie giggling to herself at your mom’s attempts to make you and her son friends, and your gaze falls on the sleeping baby strapped to her chest.

“When’s your birthday?” You finally ask once you turn back towards him, and the boy before you tilts his head. “October 4th.”

You blink at his answer, before crossing your arms with a pout on your face. His round cheeks puff up a bit at your reaction, wondering what this could mean as you let out a sigh. He watches as your mom nudges you lightly with a quiet laugh, before she turns to him with a smile, “Yn’s just reacting like this because you’re a couple months older than them. Their birthday is on April 20.”

Jeonghan turns back to you, and you don’t fail to notice the hint of mischief in his gaze at this newfound information. He gives you a small smile and reaches out to grasp your hand, making your mom hold back a quiet squeal at the rapid development of your guys’ relationship. Your auntie gently slaps your mom’s shoulder with a smile, telling her to be quiet so that she doesn’t wake up the baby.

“Do you want to play games with me? My mommy recently bought the new GameCube.”

Your gaze lowers from the grown-ups and down to his small hand holding your own, before looking back up into his big eyes as he anticipates your answer. You wonder whether or not you should trust him when you remember the look in his eyes when he discovered he was older than you.

You don’t like it when people are older than you.

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you decide to test him. Tilting your head, you ask, “Does that mean we’re friends?”

Jeonghan blinks at your question, before nodding his head with a big smile as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world, “Of course!”

Deciding to let go of your grudge at the sight of his pretty smile, you grin widely and nod your head.

“Okay, then let’s play!”

You smile fondly at the memory as you mindlessly doodle in your journal, completely ignoring the lesson that’s being taught on the whiteboard since you’ve already learned it before. You’re about to work on drawing a flower when you suddenly get a sharp nudge to the ribs, eliciting a squeak out of you as you turn to Yeji with wide eyes.

“What the fu—”

“Yn, care to solve this problem on the board?” Your head snaps towards the front of the room, seeing your teacher looking at you with an expectant look on her face. Biting the inside of your cheek, you realize that she noticed you were not paying any attention to what was being taught.

You do a quick look over the board, seeing the calculus formula written on it. Clenching your fist as you try to come up with the answer in your head, you stand up from your desk and slowly walk towards the front of the room.

Your heart is thudding against your chest, growing more anxious at the feeling of all the eyes on your back. In high school, you were known for being the smartest in your grade. You studied hard to get to that point. After every soccer practice you’d go and do homework until the early hours of the morning before finally going to sleep.

But it’s been years since you last had to solve a calculus problem.

You take a step past that blonde head of hair, and you press your lips into a thin line at the thought of embarrassing yourself in front of him when you ultimately end up with the wrong answer.

“4/3.”

You blink at the voice that whispers behind you as you reach out and take the piece of chalk that your teacher was holding out to you. Stepping up to the board, you turn your head to find Jeonghan scribbling in his notebook. You watch as he slowly lifts up his head and locks eyes with you, and he gestures towards the board before glancing back down towards his journal.

Biting back the smile that threatens to take over your features, you turn back towards the board and look at the problem presented before you. You stare at it for a moment, trying to see how Jeonghan got to that answer when it suddenly clicks.

You immediately begin to solve the problem on the board once you remember how to get to the answer, and you let out a breath of relief when you get the answer that Jeonghan told you. Setting down the piece of chalk, you glance at your teacher as she gives you a proud grin and nods her head at you.

“Great job, yn. You can go back to your seat now.”

Bowing your head towards her, you turn and walk back to your desk. Not without locking eyes with the blonde as you step past him, making sure to give him a small smile of gratitude. He just glances back down at his journal at the sight, and you’re practically beaming when you make it back to your seat.

“How did you manage to solve that problem when you weren’t even paying attention? I can’t even solve it and I’ve been writing notes!” Yeji whisper-shouts to you once you sit down, and you just giggle quietly and shrug your shoulders at her as your gaze makes its way back onto that blonde head of hair.

“Guess an angel wanted to help me today.”

You shut your locker with a small smile on your face, looking forward to walking home with Jeonghan again like you did on Friday. Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you turn and start walking down the hallway towards the entrance, only for your small smile to widen when you see the back of that blonde head of hair glowing from the sunlight shining in through the windows.

“Yoon Jeonghan!” You call out, and your heart thumps against your chest when he immediately pauses at the sound of his name. He reaches up and removes an airpod from his ear, turning around and looking up from the floor so that his bright eyes lock onto yours. He blinks in recognition, and he puts his hands into his pockets while he waits for you to run over to him.

“You heard me this time.” You say with a smile when you finally catch up to him, and he shrugs his shoulders as the two of you start walking together. “I thought you wanted me to hear you.”

You nod your head, “I do, I just didn’t think you wanted to hear me.”

Jeonghan just scoffs at this, but you can tell he’s not actually annoyed based on the relaxed expression on his face. He pushes open the door, and you grin and walk out with him following after you. The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the sounds of the world around you being all that you listen to as you walk down the street.

You press your lips into a thin line when you think of your conversation with Jaehyun the other day, and a lightbulb pops off in your head when you suddenly come up with an idea. You stop walking and grasp Jeonghan’s wrist, making him stop and turn to you with growing confusion on his face.

“Yn? Are you okay?”

You bite the inside of your cheek and gesture towards the bus stop on the opposite side of the street, “Do you want to go to the arcade before we walk home? I’ve been trying to win this Snorlax plushie in the claw machines for a week or so now, and I have a really good feeling about trying again today.”

Jeonghan lets out a breath and glances towards the direction of your guys’ houses, “I don’t know, yn. I kind of just want to go–”

“Pretty please? I’ll pay for our meal if you come with me.” You try again, hope flooding your chest as you await his response. You watch as he looks down at the sidewalk for a moment, trying to think of his answer as you wait expectantly.

Running a hand through his hair, he finally turns to you and nods his head. He points towards the bus stop, “Okay. Let’s go to the arcade.”

You can’t help the big smile that takes over your features at his answer, and you immediately adjust your hold on his wrist and run towards the bus stop. A surprised noise escapes Jeonghan’s lips from your quick action, but he follows after you without complaint.

You fail to notice the way Jeonghan’s eyes trail up from your hand on his wrist, to the back of your head with a hint of wonder in his gaze.

“GOD DAMN IT!” You shout when Snorlax falls from the claw for the fifth time, and you slam your fist on the board where the controls lay. You bite your bottom lip in frustration, running a hand through your hair as you turn to Jeonghan. You see him trying to hold back the small smile that threatens to take over his features as he looks down at the floor, and you shoot him a glare.

“I see you.”

“See what?” Jeonghan asks, immediately covering up the grin by releasing a cough into his elbow. You squint at him and point to the game, “If you think my failure is so funny, then you win Snorlax for me.”

Jeonghan scoffs at this, and puts his phone into his pocket. He waves his hand at you to make you move to the side, and you bite back a laugh. Stepping away, you allow him to step forward so that he can play the claw machine.

“Watch and learn, yn.” The blonde tells you, and you let out a chuckle and gesture towards the claw machine. “Get me my Snorlax then, Yoon Jeonghan.”

You watch as the game begins to start, and the claw immediately moves towards the big pokemon plush that you’ve been wanting. Your eyes trail to Jeonghan’s face, and the corner of your lips quirks upwards when you see the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration.

“Don’t laugh, you’re ruining my concentration.” Jeonghan finally speaks, and you blink at him, absolutely flabbergasted.

“I didn’t even laugh!”

“I saw you smile out of the corner of my eye.”

“That is not the same as laughing–”

“Yn, I’m trying to concentrate…” The rest of his sentence dies in his throat when Snorlax falls from the claw, and the two of you can only stare at the big plush as it lands on its back. Jeonghan presses his lips into a thin line at the sight, before glancing down at the board to see that that was the final attempt.

He clenches his jaw, and reaches into his pocket to grab another dollar bill to try again. Your eyes widen, “Jeonghan! It’s okay–”

“I’m going to get him this time. I only failed because someone was distracting me.” Jeonghan says with a pointed glare in your direction, making you let out a startled laugh as you point to yourself. “Me?! I didn’t even do anything!”

“Shh! I’m going to get him on the first try, just watch.” The blonde tells you after inserting his money into the slot. You bite the inside of your cheek as you watch him let out a breath, before reaching for the knob to try again.

It’s three attempts later when you watch Snorlax fall to his doom for the third and final time, that you look back at Jeonghan to see him staring at the pokemon with a defeated expression on his face. Holding back the laugh that threatens to escape, you reach out and pat his shoulder, “It’s okay. I’ll still pay for our meal.”

Jeonghan’s lips form into a bit of a pout the longer he stares at the pokemon, and he squints his eyes and presses his finger into the glass to point at Snorlax.

“I’ll get you next time, Snorlax.”

With that, he turns and walks away from the claw machine. You let out a loud laugh from behind him, throwing your bag over your shoulder as you hurry to catch up with him. Reaching out, you grasp onto his wrist when you finally catch up, and he glances down at the contact before looking back up at you.

“I didn’t expect you to be so passionate about the claw machine.” You say with a giggle as the two of you step outside, and Jeonghan ignores the way your eyes sparkle at him by choosing to turn away. He shrugs his shoulders, trying to appear nonchalant as he responds, “I just hate capitalism.”

You stop walking at his answer, causing him to stop as well. He glances back at you to see your lips pressed together tightly in an attempt to stop the laugh from escaping. He raises his arms up to ask why you’re laughing, which makes you shut your eyes to try and calm down.

“There’s no way it’s that funny.” Jeonghan says lightly, no malice in his voice as he awaits your reaction. You shake your head, sucking in a deep breath and squeezing his wrist, “No, I’ve just never seen someone say claw machines are a form of capitalism.”

Jeonghan gawks at you, “Yn! How have you not heard about that? It’s too real. Do you realize that we’re literally victims of capitalism right now? That’s how they get you–”

Jeonghan’s tangent is cut off by you bursting into laughter, the sound of your light and pretty voice ringing through the night. The blonde feels the corners of his lips quirk upwards at the sight of your smile, and he turns away when you look back at him while starting to walk towards the bbq restaurant again.

“So you’re saying that by us playing the claw machine, we’re directly feeding into capitalism?” You ask through your giggles, feeling warmth flood your heart at the fact that this is the first time he’s spoken so much. It’s almost as if the first layer of the walls he’s built around himself is beginning to crumble, and you want to keep going. Jeonghan shoots you a glance, turning away as he asks, “Do you genuinely want to know?”

You smile softly, “Of course, Jeonghan.”

The blonde bites the inside of his cheek, before beginning to explain how claw machines are the ultimate form of capitalism and can even feed into the start of a gambling addiction. The both of you know that it’s a silly form of knowledge that he knows, but Jeonghan can’t help but notice the pure awe in your eyes as he talks.

It makes him want to keep speaking.

And so, the conversation continues all the way to the restaurant. The two of you seem to talk about everything and anything until you both make it back home, where you’re forced to end the conversation.

“Yn, honey! It’s time to sing Happy Birthday!” You hear your mom call from downstairs, and you turn to Jeonghan with an excited grin and nudge his shoulder. “Did you hear that? It’s time for cake!”

The pretty boy beside you presses pause on the game the both of you were playing on your Wii console, and he turns to you, a big toothy smile forming on his lips at the sight of your own excitement. He nods his head and stands up from the floor, before making a run for the stairs.

“Last one there is a rotten egg!” He calls, and you let out a squeal, standing up and hurrying after him. The two of you sprint past your family members, and you feel a rush of adrenaline flow through you when you see him start to slow down near the kitchen table. Taking your chance, you quickly shoot past him and jump into the chair that’s placed in front of your birthday cake.

“I win! You’re the rotten egg, Hannie!” You cheer, laughing happily as your best friend moves to sit down right beside you. He nods his head with a small smile, “I’ll be the rotten egg since it’s your 8th birthday today, but remember to be the rotten egg when it’s my 9th birthday.”

You pout at the reminder that he’s older than you, but it quickly disappears when your mom lights the candles on the cake placed before you. Your dad smiles and holds up the camera, already taking a video of you as everyone begins to sing happy birthday.

You smile happily as you look at everyone around you, before turning to look at Jeonghan, who is singing quietly while gently clapping his hands and looking at you. You bite the inside of your cheek when the song comes to an end, and you glance at your mom who gestures towards the cake.

“Okay yn, it’s time to make a wish.”

You let out an excited giggle and nod your head. Quietly thinking to yourself on what you want to wish for, you slowly turn your head so that you’re looking at Jeonghan, who’s watching you expectantly. He gives you a smile and points to your cake, as if to remind you that you still need to blow out your candles.

A smile takes over your features at the sight, and you turn back towards the cake and suck in a deep breath. Closing your eyes, you think to yourself,

I wish to always have Jeonghan by my side, even if he may be older than me.

Opening your eyes, you lean into the table and blow out the candles.

You slowly awaken to the light pouring in through your curtains, and you let out a quiet groan as you roll over onto your side. Your heart is warm from the dream, remembering that day like it was yesterday.

Who would’ve known that years down the road, you’d be regretting not keeping Jeonghan by your side when you entered high school. Stretching your arms above your head, you roll over and pick up your phone, and the date appears before your eyes.

January 28, 2019

“Two months. Around two more months to convince him.” You mutter to yourself, before unlocking your phone and going to your messaging app. Tapping on your messages with the blonde, you send him a quick text, and a small smile forms on your face when you receive a response moments later.

you: good morning jeonghan ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

jeonghannie: morning

Letting out a breath, you set your phone by your side and sit up in bed. You open your curtains, allowing the sunlight to shine into your bedroom as you look at the pretty Winter weather.

“I’ll make my wishes come true, Yoon Jeonghan.” You murmur to yourself, before finally getting out of bed to start preparing for school.

You’re standing in front of the vending machines, quietly wondering to yourself whether or not to buy Jeonghan a canned coffee or banana milk. Tilting your head, you finally decide to get him the canned coffee since you’ve come to notice the dark bags under his eyes.

“Yn!” You turn at the call of your name, only to blink when you find Jaehyun waving bye to his group of friends before jogging over to you. You give him a small smile and say hello in greeting as you reach down to grab the two canned coffees from the vending machine slot.

“I haven’t been able to talk to you in like, two weeks. You’ve been so busy.” Jaehyun says with a grin, and you let out a light laugh and nod your head. “Well, it is college application season. I’ve been busy trying to perfect my apps.”

The brunette nods his head in agreement as you start to walk in the direction of your classroom. He follows after you, taking note of the two cans of coffee in your hands. Clearing his throat, he lets out a chuckle and points at the drinks in your hands, “Didn’t sleep well last night?”

You shake your head at his statement with a kind grin, coming to a stop in front of your class as you turn to the handsome boy in front of you. You already know that Jaehyun has a crush on you, it was obvious from the moment the both of you were first paired up in biology together in your freshman year.

You never felt that way towards him, which he came to learn at the start of university. However, Jaehyun has always been kind. He was just glad to have you as a friend, and you hope it stays that way, considering the fact that you’ve been ignoring him completely since you came back in time.

“I slept okay.” You say, and he raises an eyebrow at your answer. “So why two coffees?”

You just give him a smile and raise a hand up towards him as goodbye, before turning around and entering your classroom. Feeling everyone’s eyes follow you as you walk away from Jaehyun, you step over to your desk and rest one of the cans on top. Ignoring everyone’s stares, you turn to find Jeonghan sitting at his seat in the front of the room, head resting on his desk as he tries to catch some extra sleep.

Grinning at the pretty sight, you call out, “Yoon Jeonghan!”

You watch as the blonde’s eyes slowly flutter open at the call of his name, and he sits up from the table. Rubbing his tired eyes with the back of his hand, he takes out one of his earbuds and turns towards the back to find you standing by your desk. He lowers his arm to his side, and you raise up his can of coffee with a bright smile on your face.

The corner of his lips quirks upwards when you wiggle the drink in his direction, signaling for him to take it from you. He raises up a hand and waves for you to come over, to which you groan but quickly oblige. His eyes follow you as you quickly make your way over, but he feels a shiver rise up the back of his neck, and he slowly becomes aware of all the eyes on him.

Jeonghan raises a hand up to the back of his neck, almost as if to hide the goosebumps from view as he slightly turns his head, only to make eye contact with a majority of his classmates. He blinks at all of them, not used to all the attention being on him when he suddenly hears,

“I bought you coffee out of the goodness of my heart, and you still want me to deliver it to you?”

Jeonghan slowly looks up to find you jokingly complaining about how he must view you as a glucose parent while you place the canned coffee down onto his desk. A bright smile forms on your face as you let out a soft laugh at the jokes you’re making, and he feels himself relax at the visual.

You turn to the blonde to find him staring up at you, a content look beginning to appear in his eyes as he does so. Feeling happy at the sight, you decide to point at the can and crack another joke, “What? Do you want me to open it for you too?”

Jeonghan blinks out of his trance, and rolls his eyes teasingly as he reaches out to grab the can. “I can open it by myself, you know. I also do not view you as a glucose parent—especially when we consider the fact that your card declined on the meal you were treating me to.”

You gasp at the mention of that, reaching out and gently slapping his shoulder in retaliation. He chuckles to himself at that, and he takes a sip of coffee as you start to complain about the fact that he promised to never speak of that instance again.

Glancing around the room as you rant to him, you squint at some of your classmates who are still choosing to stare at the two of you. You knew he suddenly realized everyone’s eyes were on him, and you tried your best to distract him—which thankfully worked. Your eyes trail over towards the doorway to the classroom, and you let out a breath of relief when you don’t find Jaehyun standing by the door anymore.

Looking back into Jeonghan’s eyes, you raise an eyebrow, “How would you feel if I just blatantly stated that you punched the claw machi–”

“Okay! Okay, I understand. I’ll never speak of it again.” Jeonghan cuts off immediately, and you let out a laugh at the fact that that was all you needed to mention for him to butt in. He rolls his eyes and opens his coffee, raising it up towards you slightly, “Thank you, yn.”

You shrug your shoulders with a teasing smile, “Of course, Jeonghan. I know you’re fighting to stay awake everyday during class.”

The blonde nods his head at this and takes a sip of his coffee, before placing it down on the desk. He’s about to talk to you more, only to stop when the sound of your teacher’s voice rings throughout the room. You stand up from his desk to see your teacher entering the room while discussing the lesson plan for the day, and you quickly wave bye to Jeonghan before rushing over to your seat.

You greet Yeji as you sit down, and she wiggles her eyebrows at you in response. Tilting your head at her greeting, she just nudges you in the ribs and gestures over towards the front of the room. You squint at her, wondering what she’s trying to say as you whisper, “What?”

She nudges you again, and you swat her elbow away with a frown growing on your face. Your friend giggles at your annoyance, before whispering, “What is going on between you and the pretty boy over there?”

You roll your eyes, “His name is Jeonghan.”

“Ah, how’d you already know I was talking about Jeonghan?” You pause at the question, internally cursing at the fact that she caught you. Turning to face Yeji, you let out a sigh when you see the smug expression on her face as she wiggles her eyebrows at you again. Without a word, you reach out and slap her shoulder, eliciting a squeak from her that captures the attention of your teacher.

“Yn and Yeji, either be quiet and listen to the lecture or spend an extra hour cleaning the classroom after school.”

You and Yeji quickly turn to face the front of the room, and you move to pull out your journal and pencil case from your bag. Seemingly satisfied, your teacher nods her head and turns back towards the board to continue the lesson. Looking up from your bag, you end up locking eyes with Jeonghan, and you squint when you see the mirth in his gaze.

Face the front, you mouth to him, to which the corner of his lips just quirks upwards in response. He turns back around in his seat, and you look back down at your journal and open it up to a new page. A hand darts out and scribbles a note on the top left corner of the page, and you bite back a laugh at the message Yeji had written.

This conversation isn’t over! We’re talking about it at lunch!

A hard slam of a lunch tray being placed in front of you makes you jump up in your seat, looking up to find Yeji standing across from you, a cheshire-like smile on her face as she moves to sit in the chair. You let out a groan at the fact that the conversation really wasn’t over like you were wishing it was.

“Now we can get down to business. Tell me why you’re suddenly so interested in the quietest boy in school?” Yeji asks, and you choke on your saliva, coughing into your arm to try and calm down. You reach out and desperately chug some water, before slamming the metal cup onto the table while shooting your friend a glare. “You really wasted no time, huh?”

Yeji shrugs, “I’m not the type to beat around the bush—you of all people know that.”

“You got me there.” You say, deciding to pick up your chopsticks to eat more of your lunch before adding, “Jeonghan and I were best friends when we were kids, and I wanted to rekindle that before we start applying to college.”

“You guys were friends? I can’t imagine you being friends with someone that quiet.” Yeji says through a mouthful of rice. You roll your eyes, pointing at her with your chopsticks, “Don’t speak with your mouth full! And why not? Some people are just quiet before you get to know them.”

Yeji hums in agreement with this, taking a sip of her water as she gazes around the cafeteria. After she finishes chewing the food in her mouth, she turns back to you, “Yeah, but Jeonghan is quiet. He doesn’t have any friends in this school, nor any social media for that matter. He’s practically a ghost—a handsome one, though. No one’s been able to get through to him since sophomore year, so this is the first time we’ve seen him talk to someone.”

You just shove a spoonful of rice into your mouth, feeling yourself growing more annoyed the longer the conversation goes on. Is this how your classmates viewed Jeonghan? It’s almost as if no one sees him as a human being, but some strange entity just because he’s quiet.

“I mean, you’d think with a face as beautiful as his, he’d be going around confidently like Jaehyun, or something. I remember him not being this quiet in freshman year, but something must’ve happened over that summer leading into sophomore year to make him so closed off.” Yeji recounts, looking off to the side in thought as she tries to remember more about Jeonghan. Your ears perk up at the mention of sophomore year, and your eyebrows furrow as you try to search your memories of the blonde.

Yeji claps her hands suddenly, making you look at her with raised eyebrows as she points at you with her spoon. “He bleached his hair suddenly in sophomore year too! I almost thought he was a trainee for an idol group, but I guess he just wanted to become blonde. He definitely captured a lot of peoples’ attention afterwards though, but everyone became uninterested when they found out how quiet he is.”

You tilt your head at this, suddenly remembering when you saw his bright head of blonde hair in the hallways for the first time. You may be a bit annoyed by how Yeji’s been speaking of him, but you were given some more insight into when Jeonghan first started to change.

Looking off to the side, you press your lips into a thin line and stand up from the table. Yeji looks up at you with a curious gaze, wondering why you’re attempting to leave lunch already. You gesture towards the exit, “I forgot that I need to talk to the teacher about my college essay. I’ll see you in class.”

Giving her a small smile, you turn around and walk away without hearing her response. You bite the inside of your cheek once you leave the cafeteria, feeling a bit guilty at how you definitely showed your annoyance towards the conversation with the way you abruptly left.

You’re frustrated. How could your classmates talk about Jeonghan like this when they don’t even know him? They don’t know what he’s going through, or if something’s wrong because they never reached out to ask. They just decided to make up stories and outcast him, which led to that fateful day…

You stop in your tracks, staring down at the floor as guilt washes over you.

You’re not frustrated at your classmates for gossiping instead of reaching out to Jeonghan when he needed someone the most, no.

You’re mad at yourself, because you were one of them.

You saw all the signs, you knew something had changed in your childhood best friend. Yet, you never reached out.

You only tried when it was too late.

A pained chuckle escapes you as you tilt your head up towards the ceiling, and you run a hand over your face as you mutter, “I’m such a hypocrite.”

Biting your bottom lip, you look down towards the ground.

This is no time for self-hatred, you think to yourself as you begin to head towards the classroom again. You came back for a reason. You wished every year since you turned 18 for Jeonghan to get a second chance, and you'd be damned if he didn’t get that because you started to focus too much on blaming yourself.

“I can do this.” You murmur as you turn the corner and enter the classroom, and you feel your heart stop within your chest at the sight before you.

Jeonghan is sitting on the windowsill, the sunlight peering in through the curtains and hitting his face as he stares out the window. His blonde hair glows underneath the light, making him look more ethereal than usual. However, above all else, he looks tired. From the dark bags under his eyes, to the look of pure exhaustion in his gaze as he looks out at the soccer field.

You quietly wonder how long he must’ve felt like this in the past, and how you just chose to overlook it. You haven’t seen this side of him since you started to commence your plan, but it makes you question what goes on in his head when the two of you aren’t together. Biting the inside of your cheek, you lightly knock on the desk to capture his attention.

He slowly turns his head in your direction, and you let out a small smile when the two of you lock eyes. You watch as an indecipherable emotion flashes past his eyes, and he raises his hand up to wave at you as he stands up from the windowsill.

“Did you eat?” You ask as you make your way over to him, and he nods his head while glancing out the window again. Slipping in-between the desks, you step over and sit on the windowsill right beside him, turning to see what he might be looking at.

You see a group of students playing soccer on the field, with your other classmates sitting on the bleachers either chatting or watching the impromptu game that happens during lunch every time the weather is nice. Leaning your head against the window, you turn back towards Jeonghan to see him looking at you instead, and you fight back the urge to suck in a breath from surprise.

“Yn, are you still bad at soccer?” Jeonghan asks suddenly, and your initial surprise turns into annoyance as you roll your eyes at the question. You notice the corner of his lips quirk upward at your reaction, and he rests his temple against the window like you.

“You know that I play forward in our school’s soccer team, right?” You respond with a raised eyebrow, and he just shrugs his shoulders. “All I can remember is you falling backwards when you attempted to kick a soccer ball for the first time.”

“I was ten! Ten years old! And I was just trying to prove you wrong since you were acting all cocky cause you joined the soccer team then!” You argue, eliciting a grin from the blonde as he waves a hand at you. You scowl at him, turning back towards the window to watch as some of your classmates dribble the ball down the field.

“I was cocky for good reason. You know that I was good when we were younger.” Jeonghan says, and you glance at him with a slight pout to your lips. There’s a sense of nostalgia from his expression as he watches the soccer game occurring on the field, and maybe even a bit of longing?

Does he miss playing soccer?

“I bet I’m better than you now.” You taunt, and he snorts, turning to you with an amused expression on his face. “Yeah?”

You nod your head, feeling a bit relieved that your method of challenging him might be working. Acting nonchalant, you shrug your shoulders and cross your arms over your chest. “Yeah, you don’t know how well I play now. Who knows? Maybe I can beat you if we play a match.”

The blonde stares into your eyes for a moment, before leaning in a bit more, and you instantaneously suck in a breath at the sudden close proximity. The corner of his lips quirks upwards,

“Alright. Let’s play 1v1 after school.”

And a victorious smile spreads over your face as you nod your head in agreement right as the bell rings, signaling that lunch is over.

“Get ready to lose, Yoon Jeonghan.”

“What the fuck. There’s no way… there’s no way you’re winning right now.” You pant, hands on your knees as you try to catch your breath while Jeonghan chugs water beside you. He lets out a satisfied breath after gulping the water, popping the lid back on as he turns to look at you with a grin on his face.

“Maybe you can pull a Praise Marty or something, I don’t remember the name.”

“Hail Mary, Jeonghan.”

The blonde lets out an, ah!, and snaps his fingers after you correct him. He nods his head and points at you, “That’s right! Wow, how could I forget?”

You roll your eyes jokingly and stand back up at your full height, stretching your arms over your head as you stare at Jeonghan’s goalpost. You turn towards the pretty man beside you and shoot him a glare as your arms lower back to your sides, “You’re being cocky again. What if I manage to get two points ahead of you and win the game? Then I get the right to be a cocky bastard.”

Jeonghan shrugs his shoulders and starts to head back towards the middle of the field, “You can try your best, cause I’m not going to make that an easy feat for you.”

“I’d be offended if you were being easy on me, so good.” You tell him, a chuckle escaping past his lips from that. Following him, you stand on the other side of the soccer ball, the two of you staring each other down with the competitive spirit clear in his gaze.

“You know if I make another goal then I win, right?” Jeonghan asks with a small smile ghosting his features, and you nod your head while feigning being hurt from his teasing. “Yoon Jeonghan, you’re damaging my pride by not knowing that I’m one of the best players on our school’s soccer team.”

“Maybe I just wanted to humble you.” The blonde replies, and you tilt your head at him.

Smiling, you say, “I think you’re the one that needs to be humbled.” before stepping past him and stealing the ball. You dribble the ball down the field, with Jeonghan following closely behind you to try and steal it back. You’re insanely focused on the game, feeling a rush of adrenaline flow through you as you relish in the feeling of playing your beloved sport again.

After Jeonghan died, you quit playing altogether.

Right when you’re about to make an attempt to kick the ball into the net, you let out a shriek when Jeonghan suddenly steals the ball from you and runs down the field with it. You quickly follow after him, trying to run past him to take it back when he suddenly makes a long range kick.

And it hits the top left corner of the net.

“YES!” Jeonghan exclaims, raising his arms up in victory as he cheers. You rest your hands on your knees to catch your breath as he celebrates, awe flooding you at the fact that he was able to make such a shot when he hasn’t played the sport in years.

“Jesus Christ, Jeonghan. Why aren’t you on the soccer team? Our school would’ve had twice as many trophies with you on the team!” You say with wide eyes, and the sweaty blonde just shrugs his shoulders as he lifts up his shirt to wipe the sweat dripping down his face.

“I’m not that interested in soccer anymore.” Jeonghan answers tiredly, and you turn to see the faraway look in his eyes at that answer. Biting the inside of your cheek, you let out a loud groan and raise your arms up to stretch.

“Maybe you don’t need to be humbled then. Maybe the smugness is deserved.” You joke in an attempt to distract him from his thoughts, and he snorts. He turns to you, eyes now filled with humor as he responds, “I told you so.”

“Woah, woah, woah, hotshot. Since you won this game of soccer, why don’t you go and fetch my soccer ball and then I’ll prepare our bags.” You say with a grin, and the blonde chuckles.

“You don’t want to walk all the way to the goal, do you?”

“Nope. My legs feel like they’re about to collapse, so you’re in charge of getting my soccer ball.”

Jeonghan just rolls his eyes jokingly at your teasing, but jogs over to the net to get the soccer ball. The corner of your lips quirks upward, before turning and heading over to the benches and picking up your guys’ stuff. Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you snatch Jeonghan’s bag and sweatshirt and walk over to the exit of the field where he’s waiting for you.

“You want your sweatshirt? You’re looking pretty cold now that we’re not running around.” You ask as the two of you walk off the field, and the blonde nods his head as he places the soccer ball into your bag. You extend your arm and hand over his sweatshirt, which he gratefully takes and throws on. After he puts his arms through the sleeves, he takes his bag from your grasp and puts it on, before taking your bag off and throwing it over his shoulder.

Blinking in surprise, you point to your bag, “I can carry it—”

“I got it, don’t worry.”

Warmth floods your face at the act of kindness, and you can’t help the small smile that forms on your face as you turn away to look at your surroundings. A comfortable silence falls over the two of you as you head in the direction of your homes, with the sound of dried leaves flying across the pavement and cars driving by filling the silence.

“You know, you’re really good at soccer. I was struggling a bit playing against you.” Jeonghan tells you after a moment, and you let out a smile at the compliment. “It feels great to hear you say that, especially when you’re like, my biggest inspiration behind starting the sport.”

The blonde tilts his head at this, having not known this piece of information as he glances at you with a raised eyebrow, “Why am I your biggest inspiration when all I did was make fun of you for falling backwards while trying to kick a soccer ball?”

You scoff at the mention of your origin with the sport, and he chuckles at your reaction. He waits patiently for you to answer his question, looking at you expectantly as the two of you walk slowly underneath the night sky.

“I thought you were so cool when we were younger, I wanted to do whatever you did.” You begin, a small smile playing on your lips as you think of all the hobbies you picked up because of Jeonghan. He listens intently, waiting for you to continue as you let out a breath. “Whether it be Pokémon, WiiSports, or even you eating more vegetables cause you wanted to be healthier. I wanted to do it all, but when I went to your first soccer game when we were 10, I thought you were so cool.”

Jeonghan blinks at your honesty, watching as your eyes practically sparkle as the memory plays inside your head. He remembers that day too, all the way down to the bright red jersey of his you were wearing, and the flowers you were holding. The corner of his lips quirks upwards when he remembers you handing him the flowers, apologizing for how they looked since they lost all their petals because of how much you were jumping and cheering for him.

It’s one of the memories he cherishes most.

“I had never seen you more in your element than I did watching you play soccer. You were the coolest guy ever to me, and I was so inspired that I immediately asked my mom to sign me up for soccer lessons behind your back to surprise you.” You explain, and the blonde chuckles lightly as he turns to you with a teasing grin on his face.

“You don’t think I’m cool anymore?”

“Jeonghan,” You begin, and the blonde feels his heart stutter slightly in his chest at how serious you look after his question. Reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder, you give him a small smile,

“I think you’re the coolest person ever.”

Jeonghan stares at you in silence, and you watch as an indecipherable emotion flashes past his eyes. He bites the inside of his cheek after a moment, and turns away as he lets out a small cough into his elbow. You quietly wonder to yourself if that was too much all at once, or if you made him uncomfortable as the two of you start to walk in silence again.

Oh no, we’ve been making so much progress too, you think to yourself as you turn away. Your worries disappear shortly after, however, when Jeonghan finally mutters,

“Thank you, yn.”

And you smile softly to yourself when you glance at the blonde to see the tinge of red painting his cheeks as he tries to hide his appearance from you. Letting out a quiet giggle, you nod your head and glance back up towards the night sky, seeing the moon shine down onto the both of you,

“Always, Jeonghan.”

“Yn, do you think you can help me out this weekend?” You turn to Jeonghan with wide eyes as you lower the banana milk from your lips, blinking slowly as you let his question sink in.

This is the first time he suggested we hang out in the month that we’ve been getting close, you think to yourself as the blonde suddenly becomes very interested in the metal railings of the staircase. Realizing you haven’t answered him yet, you quickly swallow the milk, “W-With what?”

I stuttered. I fucking stuttered, you internally curse as Jeonghan shoots you a glance with a nervous grin. Running a hand through his hair, he points to his head, and you raise an eyebrow at what he’s trying to insinuate.

Your mouth suddenly drops open when a thought comes to mind, and you raise a hand to your mouth as you let out a loud gasp. Jeonghan blinks at you, and you point to him with your mouth agape, “Are you enlisting already?!”

The blonde sputters at your question, and chugs some of his canned coffee before violently shaking his head. With wide eyes he wipes the back of his mouth and points at you, “No! How did you even come to that conclusion?!”

“Because you just suddenly pointed to your head! I thought you were going to ask me to shave your head for you.” You say as you cover your mouth, feeling relief and a bit of embarrassment flood you as you stare at the pretty man before you. He lets out a sigh and nudges your knee with his, “I was going to ask you to help retouch my roots and color my hair, doofus.”

You blink, ignoring the name he called you to ask, “Color your hair?”

Jeonghan nods his head as he looks down the staircase, “Yeah, just a temporary hair color. I only need it for this weekend.”

“Is that good for your hair?” You joke, and the blonde nudges your knee with his again. He leans his head towards your face, and you feel warmth flood your cheeks when the faint scent of strawberries registers in your senses. He pats the top of his head, “You can feel my hair. I think it still feels pretty soft for someone who’s been bleaching it for the last two years.”

You snort at his statement, before tentatively lifting up your hand and patting the top of his head. He’s not wrong in what he said. His hair still feels quite soft for the amount of chemicals he’s used on his hair, but it definitely isn’t at its healthiest state either.

Too focused on your own thoughts, you failed to notice that you’ve been silently stroking his hair instead of just patting it a couple of times. Jeonghan slowly lifts up his head until he’s looking into your eyes, ready to tease you for initially thinking his hair wasn’t soft, only to freeze. Your hand stops its movement on top of his head as well when the two of you lock eyes, the sound of your heartbeat becoming the only thing you can hear.

You never failed to notice how ethereal Jeonghan is, it was something you knew since the two of you were children. And yet, you still find yourself in a state of awe whenever you end up looking at him from this close-up.

“Pretty.” You whisper subconsciously, and Jeonghan blinks at you in shock as heat immediately rises to his face. You blink as well, only to let out a quiet gasp and retract your hand. You scoot over a bit and grab your banana milk, practically chugging the whole drink to try and soothe your fast beating heart.

Setting the container down onto the step, you let out a cough into your elbow before standing up from the step abruptly. Jeonghan’s turned away from you, cheeks flushed pink at what just occurred. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you point towards the direction of the classroom,

“Just text me the details for this weekend. I’ll be, uh, taking my leave.”

Rushing up the steps, you walk down the hallway and repeatedly slap your forehead while cursing yourself out for letting that slip.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why would you say that out loud? And who the fuck says I’ll be taking my leave?! Stupid!”

While Jeonghan remains on the step, blinking as the moment replays in his head on loop as warmth rushes up his face.

Jeonghan can practically hear his own heartbeat in his ears with how loudly it’s beating against his chest. He didn’t realize how close the two of you were to each other, but for some reason, he doesn’t want to pull away just yet.

Their eyes are so bright, he thinks to himself as his eyes gaze into yours. It’s something he’s noticed since he was a child. You always seemed to shine whenever he saw you, a characteristic that seemed to have stuck with you to this point.

He swallows the growing lump in his throat, staring at you as the cruel reminder floats into his mind.

Your light, he doesn’t want to take that from you.

Clenching his fist, he moves to scoot back when one word escapes past your lips, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“Pretty.”

Jeonghan slowly raises his hands to cup his hot face, and the smallest of smiles forms on his face at the memory.

The warmth in his heart lingers until it’s nighttime and he’s laying in bed, staring up at the night sky out the window as he compares whether the billions of stars in the sky are brighter than your eyes.

As he finally succumbs to sleep, he finds that the answer is you.

You’re brighter than all the stars in the sky combined.

February 9, 2019

You place your phone back onto your bedside table with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling as you silently think to yourself, two more months.

You have two more months to convince Jeonghan to stay, that he is more precious than he could ever imagine.

“I think I’m making progress.” You mutter to yourself as you sit up in your bed, scratching the back of your neck as you climb off the mattress and walk out of your bedroom. In the first month you and Jeonghan have been hanging out, it’s only ever been you asking him to do things and him obliging (with a little bit of encouragement from you).

Him asking you to hangout today is a big step in your eyes, because it’s something that he planned.

Picking up your toothbrush, you apply toothpaste onto the bristles and start brushing your teeth while making sure to send the blonde a good morning text like you always do. A small smile forms on your face when Jeonghan’s text comes in a moment later, and you set your phone down to continue getting ready.

you: good morning jeonghan ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

jeonghannie: morning yn

₍ᐢ.ˬ.⑅ᐢ₎

You ring the doorbell to Jeonghan’s home, letting out a breath to try and rid yourself of the anxiety you feel as you stand on his doorstep. You know his house better than the back of your hand, and he’s the same with yours. The two of you always hungout at each other’s houses when you were younger, so you shouldn’t feel so nervous.

Except, the last time you went to Jeonghan’s house was after he died.

Before your thoughts could go any further, the front door opens, and you find yourself staring into the pretty brown eyes of the boy you came back in time for. His long blonde hair is a bit messy on his head, and he’s wearing an old oversized shirt that has numerous colors painted on it from previous hair dyes. The corners of his lips quirk upwards slightly at the sight of you, and you raise your hand up to give him a timid wave.

“Hi.”

The two of you stand there for a second longer, before Jeonghan steps to the side and gestures towards the inside of his house. “Come in. I was preparing the bleach already.”

Nodding your head, you slip off your shoes and step inside the house. You put on the fuzzy slippers that he placed on the floor for you, and follow him down the hallway as you gaze around at your surroundings.

Almost everything is the same in the house from when you last visited in the past, but the atmosphere is different.

After Jeonghan passed, the air was thick within the space. The curtains were drawn so there was no natural light entering through the windows. All the photos with Jeonghan that were hung up on the walls were too painful to look at, and one glance would send someone into tears.

So you tried not to look.

But the one photo you were forced to see was the large framed picture of him taken from the funeral home. It was placed in the living room, a candle on each side of it with sticks of incense you could light placed before him.

It was a sight that made your heart stop, because you quickly came to the realization that he had taken this photo only days prior from the sight of his retouched roots.

“Yn.” Your head snaps away from the living room and towards the blonde in the kitchen. His eyes are filled with a bit of concern, and you quickly realize that he must’ve been calling your name for the last minute or so.

“Oh, sorry. I spaced out there, what was the question?” You ask as you hurry over to him, and he opens his fridge and pulls out a carton of banana milk. Waving it in front of your face, he asks, “You want some?”

He watches as your eyes brighten from the sight of the drink, and he holds back a chuckle when you slowly nod your head with a growing smile on your face. Handing you the drink, he gestures over towards the stairs, “We’ll bleach my hair in the upstairs bathroom. My mom doesn’t want me to use the downstairs bathroom in case I make a mess.”

Popping the straw through the seal, you take a sip of the drink and nod your head at what he said, “I mean, it makes sense since guests would use that bathroom the most.”

Jeonghan nods as the two of you start making your way upstairs, and he steps into the bathroom with you following after him. You crinkle your nose when the strong scent of bleach floods your sense of smell, and the blonde grins at your obvious disgust as he mixes the concoction.

“I know, the smell is too strong right?” Jeonghan asks, and you nod your head while giving him an apologetic smile. He gestures over towards the drawer, “I put a mask in there for you cause I felt like you’d want to wear it while doing my hair. I know that you don’t like strong scents like this.”

Lowering the banana milk from your lips, you feel your heart thump against your chest at the fact that he remembered something as small as that. Biting back a smile, you open the drawer and take out the mask, putting it on without a second to waste.

Setting your drink down onto the counter, you reach past him and take the pair of gloves that he laid out for you. Putting them on your hands, you wiggle your fingers around to get used to the feeling of the tight plastic, before looking at Jeonghan in the mirror.

He’s busy adding things to the mixture with a concentrated look on his face. Leaning against the counter, you take note of his hair being long enough to start curling around the back of his neck. Your gaze trails up his features, from the slight pout to his lips, to his pointed nose, and to the black roots of his hair beginning to appear on the top of his head.

His eyes glance up in the mirror and lock with yours, catching you staring at him. You blink out of your daze, and immediately turn away to point towards the chair behind Jeonghan, “Sit down so that I can start bleaching your hair!”

The blonde chuckles at you avoiding eye contact, and nods his head as he sits on the chair in front of the mirror. Sucking in a deep breath, you rest your hands on Jeonghan’s shoulders and look at him in the mirror, “You know that I charge $100 per hour, right?”

“Ah, your card is still declining, huh?”

You bite your lip at his joke, slapping his shoulder before reaching out and grabbing the bowl of bleach. He lets out a giggle at your reaction, before beginning to tell you that you have to clip up his hair in layers and apply the bleach from the bottom layer to the top.

“I should just bleach your eyebrows for that joke you made.” You say as you run your hands through his hair to start sectioning the layers. You watch as he looks down to hide his smile, and you reach under his chin to tilt his face up towards the mirror. He blinks at you, seeing the warm look on your face as you tell him, “Your smile is pretty, don’t hide it from me.”

Feeling warmth flood up his face, he turns away and picks up another hair clip for you. He places it in your hand without a response, and pulls out his phone as his cheeks begin to turn a pretty shade of pink at your comment.

Smiling to yourself, you put the last clip in his hair and pick up the bowl and brush again. Dipping the brush in the bleach, you start to place it on the roots of Jeonghan’s hair as a comfortable silence falls over the two of you. As you move through each section, you watch as the blonde plays a niche game on his phone while you occasionally ask a question about the game.

“So, essentially, you’re just a gorilla flying through trying to avoid the obstacles.”

“Mhm.”

“And you can’t hit the ducks, but you can hit the pigs. However, it’s better to avoid the pigs cause you don’t think you actually gain anything when you fly through the pigs.”

“Yup.”

“And you found out about this game where?”

“I got an ad for it online and thought it looked funny.” Jeonghan replies with a sigh after he accidentally flies into the duck. He looks up into his reflection when an ad begins to play on his screen, already seeing his roots turning into that initial orange color before the toner. You chuckle, silently thinking that that is a very Jeonghan thing to do as you start on the last layer of his hair.

“Why do you bleach your hair? I think your hair might need a bit of a break.” You ask as you place the chemicals on his roots, and you watch as his thumb freezes over his screen, causing the gorilla to fly into an obstacle. You let out a low whistle when his score pops up, seeing that he was close to beating his record before you asked the question.

“That’s my bad. That’s my bad for real.” Jeonghan lets out a quiet chuckle at your words, placing his phone down onto the counter so that he can look at his hair in the mirror. As you finish placing the bleach on his roots, you sneak a glance into your reflection to see a faraway look in his eyes as he stares down at the counter.

It’s the same look you noticed that day during lunch, when he was sitting on the windowsill staring out at the field.

“Do you remember my younger sister? How she always used to bother us when you came over because she wanted to do whatever we were doing?” Jeonghan asks in a soft voice, causing you to pause and look up at him in the mirror. A small smile graces your features as you remember his baby sister, and you nod your head. “How could I ever forget about Jisoo? She was the cutest baby I’ve ever seen! How is she doing now? I didn’t see her when I came in.”

The corner of the blonde’s lips quirks upwards at your questions, but there’s no hint of humor or happiness in his eyes. He fiddles with his hands as he quietly begins, “When Jisoo was younger, she always dreamed of becoming a hairstylist one day. My parents wanted her to strive to be a doctor or a teacher, but she was always more passionate about hair.”

He smiles softly at the memory, and you slowly begin to dread what he could possibly say as the smile begins to fall from his face. Biting the inside of his cheek, he confesses,

“She was diagnosed with stage 4 leukemia when she was 12 years old.”

You feel your throat tighten up at the news, disbelief flooding you as you silently wonder how you never knew of this before. Your parents and Jeonghan’s parents were still friends back then and in the present, how could you have not known of this?

Jeonghan presses his lips into a thin line, letting out a sigh as he gestures towards his hair, “When the doctors told us that the treatment wasn’t working and to prepare for the worst, I bleached my hair and started to grow it out. Since she lost her hair, I thought that the least I could do is become her canvas. Help her with her passion before…”

You watch as the blonde trails off, coughing into his elbow and shrugging his shoulders. The both of you know what he was going to say, but neither of you can bring yourselves to voice it out either.

Jeonghan scratches the back of his neck as he quietly adds, “It’s why I quit playing soccer. My family isn’t well off, but we make enough to be comfortable. I knew that soccer was an expensive sport, so I decided to give it up in order to help fund Jisoo’s treatment.”

You feel tears pricking the back of your eyes at his confession, the pieces of the puzzle slowly beginning to come together in your head.

All of the signs that you noticed but failed to acknowledge in the past. From his sudden blonde hair, to the slow descent of closing himself off to the rest of the world, to the pure exhaustion in his eyes whenever you saw him. It all must’ve gone downhill when Jisoo was diagnosed.

And you never thought to check in with him, only making an attempt when it was far too late.

“I-I didn’t know.” You choke out, your vision beginning to blur as you try to hide your emotions by burying yourself into bleaching Jeonghan’s hair. The blonde just shrugs again, an action you noticed he does often when he’s trying to act like everything is fine. “I didn’t tell anyone, and my parents have only told a few family members as well. Jisoo wanted it to be kept quiet, and I know if she was older, she definitely would’ve kept it from us.”

“Why do you think she’d do that?” You ask, reaching up to wipe away the tears in your eyes with the back of your hand. Jeonghan bites the inside of his cheek, a faraway look in his eyes as he quietly replies,

“It’s easier to let everyone think you’re fine in your last moments, rather than have them feel pain and worry.”

You’re unable to stop the tears from escaping your eyes at his words, and you quickly place the bleach concoction down onto the counter as you turn away from the blonde. Jeonghan glances up at you in the mirror, seeing you quickly wiping at your eyes and adjusting the mask over your face.

“Yn? Are you okay–”

“I-I’m fine.” You speak, and he feels part of himself crumble when he sees your red eyes and the wet marks on your mask. “Yn, you’re crying.”

Shaking your head, you raise your hands up to cover your face as you turn towards the wall when you hear the blonde stand up from the stool.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be crying when you’re the one who’s going through a hard time.” You say through your tears, wiping at your eyes to try and stop the tears from falling. You’re overwhelmed by all the emotions you’re feeling, the ones that you kept at bay in order to stay focused on Jeonghan flooding to the surface from his one sentence alone.

How much pain must he have felt before going through with what he did?

“I’m so sorry, Jeonghan.” You cry out, feeling the sobs beginning to bubble up in your chest, refusing to turn and look at him as you try to calm down. Jeonghan feels like his own heart is breaking as he watches you cry, unsure as to why you’re apologizing as he tentatively reaches out and rests a hand on your shoulder.

“Yn, come here.”

You shake your head, reaching up and covering your face as you make an attempt to suck in deep breaths. The blonde bites the inside of his cheek, before he finally just reaches out and wraps his arms around you from behind.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, yn. You didn’t know.” Jeonghan whispers as he rubs your shoulders, trying to calm you down. You suck in a shaky breath at his words, feeling more guilt flood you as the tears continue to fall past your eyes.

With shaky hands, you reach up and rest them over his arms wrapped around you. You shut your eyes tightly as you feel his chest rise and fall from behind you, trying to match his breathing as he holds you.

You don’t know how you came back in time, or how this is even possible. Yet, you can’t bring yourself to even care about finding out the answers to those questions.

You’re standing here in this bathroom that reeks of bleach, being held by an 18 year old Jeonghan while tears slowly descend down your face. As the feeling of his breath hits your neck with the rise and fall of his chest from behind you, you allow yourself to soak in this moment of just how alive he is.

You slowly open your eyes and stare up at the ceiling, only one thought on your mind as you slightly squeeze his arms that are in your grasp.

Jeonghan is going to live. Whatever it takes.

“Are you sure she’d be comfortable enough to see me again? I know you said that you kept this within the family.” You ask the blonde as the two of you walk down the hallway of the hospital, feeling your heart beat a bit faster the closer you get to the room.

After you calmed down from your breakdown, you helped Jeonghan rinse and tone his hair. It was when you were combing through his hair that he had asked you if you wanted to come visit Jisoo with him, and you almost immediately said yes.

Now you’re feeling a bit anxious about having agreed.

“She always considered you as an older sibling when we were younger. I think she’d be surprised, but she’ll be happy to see you.” Jeonghan answers once the two of you stop in front of a room with a closed door. You bite your bottom lip, and turn to glance into the small window, just to feel your heart thump against your chest at the sight of Jisoo laying in the hospital bed.

Her once long beautiful hair that used to go down to her waist is all gone, now replaced with a warm beanie resting atop her head. She’s obviously grown up since you last saw her when she was a child, with the way she’s matured into her features. The exhaustion is evident on her face, one that reminds you of Jeonghan.

Except, the stars in her eyes when she was younger are still present now when she turns her head towards the two of you at the sound of the hospital door opening.

A look of surprise appears on her face when she makes eye contact with you, only to almost immediately be replaced by a bright smile as she shouts your name in excitement.

Relief and heartache floods you all at once at the pure joy on her face, and you quickly step away from Jeonghan to meet her halfway when she practically leaps off the bed to rush over to you.

You feel her frail arms wrap around your middle as you gently catch her in your arms. She’s practically shaking from joy at the fact that you’re here, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeonghan as the blonde walks past the two of you with a small grin on his face.

“It’s been so long! Oh my gosh, you got so pretty.” Jisoo says as she gazes up at you with a look of awe on her face. You feel warmth flood your face at the sudden compliment, and wave her off with your hand as a giggle escapes you, “Oh, please. I know when you were younger you always wanted to be a princess, but I think you’ve really grown to be as beautiful as one.”

The biggest smile forms on Jisoo’s face at your compliment, and you feel your heart pang against your chest as you gently pat the top of her head. You’re full of admiration for the youngest, the silent question of how she’s able to be so positive with her current situation floating at the back of your mind.

“Alright, Jisoo. You haven’t seen your older brother in ten million years and you won’t even give him the time of day. I see how it is.” Jeonghan jokes from the chair he’s resting on as he stares at you and Jisoo with an indecipherable emotion in his gaze. Jisoo chuckles and turns towards her brother with a raised eyebrow, “I saw you yesterday, Yoon Jeonghan. Yn? I haven’t seen them in years. I think it’s clear who I’d go to first.”

“Your coldness hurts, my dear sister. I should at least be receiving a thank you for bringing yn.”

“Shouldn’t you be thanking me when I’m the one who told you to talk–”

Jisoo’s quickly pulled away from you and towards Jeonghan, who immediately places his hand over her mouth and shoots you a sheepish grin as he gestures over towards the bag of temporary hair dye the two of you bought. “Yn, can you go grab the stuff? I need to have a word with my sweet sister.”

You bite back a laugh and nod your head, before stepping over towards the chairs, hearing the sound of Jisoo fighting back against the blonde’s hold. Reaching into the bag, you pull out the bottle of pink hair dye, before glancing back to find the two siblings arguing in hushed voices.

It’s a sight you haven’t seen in years, and one that you thought you’d never see again in this lifetime. There’s a warm smile forming on Jeonghan’s face as he reaches out and playfully shakes his younger sister in his arms, with Jisoo’s pretty laugh ringing in the air as she tries to swat his hands away.

You find your gaze locked on the genuine smile adorning Jeonghan’s features, one that you haven’t seen during the time you’ve been spending time with him. You fail to notice the shy smile on your face as you watch the two interact, only realizing it when the blonde’s eyes suddenly trail back to you, and you quickly blink at the fact that you got caught staring.

“Jisoo, let’s dye Jeonghan’s hair.” You say as you head towards the bathroom, warmth flooding your face when you can still feel the blonde’s eyes on you.

Jisoo bites back a sly smile at the way Jeonghan’s gaze follows you until you disappear into the bathroom, and she nudges her brother in the stomach before following after you wordlessly. While Jeonghan stands there for a moment longer, listening to the sound of yours and Jisoo’s giggles begin to fill the room as you prepare the hair dye together.

“Yoon Jeonghan! Come here, it’s time to make you really look like an idol.” Jisoo calls out from the bathroom, gloves on her hands as she shoots him an excited smile. He’s about to scoff at her joke when your head suddenly pops out from behind her, a smile playing on your lips as you gesture for him to hurry up. Letting out a sigh, he shoves his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and walks over to the two of you.

It’s half an hour later when you and Jisoo are working on the last layer of his hair that he finally glances up into the mirror to look at the both of you. He feels the corner of his lips quirk upwards at the sound of your laughter pouring out when his younger sister explains the story of her dying his hair for the first time, his eyes flooding with an indecipherable emotion as he stares at you.

He looks back down at his phone when you suddenly glance up into the mirror and make eye contact with him, ignoring the way his heart thumps against his chest. He presses on the power button of his phone, silently staring at the date that flashes back at him.

February 9, 2019

Jeonghan could argue that Winter is his least favorite season. He decided on that cold January evening three years ago when the news of Jisoo’s illness reached him. However, as he sits in this hospital bathroom, laughing with you and Jisoo at old childhood stories, he can’t help but wonder why he feels so warm during what’s supposed to be the coldest season of the year.

“Yn, do you think you can pass this to Jeonghan for me?” You glare down at the fifth box of chocolates that’s been given to you today, and you boredly look up at the random student that’s not even in your class. Waving a hand at the hopeful looking girl, you gesture behind you, “I’ll make sure he gets them.”

“Oh my God, thank you so much!” You give the girl a half hearted wave, watching as she runs away soon after she bids you goodbye. Letting out a loud sigh, you turn around and walk over to your best friend’s desk, feeling bitter at the number of chocolates he had received today.

It’s not even close to the end of the day!

“Here.” You grumble, placing the fifth box of chocolates you’ve received onto the table next to the other dozens of chocolates he had received from those who are a bit more brave about their feelings. Jeonghan lifts his head up from the desk and runs a hand through his wavy black hair, lifting up the new box of chocolates to inspect the package while you move to sit atop the table.

You never would’ve thought that Jeonghan would become so popular when you both reached middle school, let alone the fact that he was going to have such an insane glow-up as well. Both happened though, much to your surprise. You didn’t have a particular instance when you looked at your friend and gasped at the realization that he’s gorgeous.

You had only learned on Valentine’s Day last year, when he had received over 15 chocolates from 15 different people, that your best friend is rather beautiful.

“Mm, here.” You glance down to see Jeonghan holding out the box of chocolates to you, and you scoff as you push his hand away. “I am not going to take your pity chocolates!”

“You know that I’m not even going to eat all of these anyways, just take one box.” Jeonghan tells you, placing the box of chocolates onto your lap instead as he moves to rest his head on his desk. You quickly shove the box of chocolates under his head before he reaches the desk, and he lets out a grunt at the crinkly surface.

He lifts his head back up and raises an eyebrow at you, “You know, you look awfully jealous for someone who says they don’t celebrate Valentine’s day.”

“And you look awfully lonely for someone who got so many chocolates.” You counter, to which your best friend sighs and opens up the box of chocolates. You watch as he tosses one into his mouth, a grimace appearing on his face as he chews the sweet treat. You fight back a smile at his expression, quickly realizing that the person must’ve gifted him with milk chocolate instead of dark chocolate. He takes a sip of water to wash down the chocolate, before grabbing another piece and holding it out for you to take. Glaring at him, he waves his hand in your face for you to take it, and you sigh before leaning forward and letting him feed it to you.

He stares at the furrow forming between your eyebrows as you chew on the sweet treat, and he rests his chin on the palm of his hand, “You don’t like chocolate?”

You shrug, “It’s alright.”

“What would you want instead of chocolates on White day?” Jeonghan asks as he sits up in his seat, reaching up and gently rubbing the furrow between your eyebrows until you relax your features. You shrug your shoulders again, glancing out the window as you murmur, “I’d much rather get a plushie or something.”

“Oh? Is my one and only child confessing to someone on Valentine’s Day?” You’re snapped out of the fond memory at the sound of your mom’s teasing voice coming from behind you. Feeling warmth flood your face immediately, you turn towards your birth giver and squint at her, “Shouldn’t you be heading to work, my precious mother?”

“I can spare a minute to tease my wonderful child that’s been single for almost 18 years of their life.”

Ouch.

“That was so unprovoked, and for that reason, I will not be giving you any leftover chocolates.” You say with a glare, before turning back to remove the dark chocolates from the heart and bear shaped molds you bought. The corner of your lips curls upwards when you see that the chocolates look perfect, and you start to carefully place the chocolates into their wrappers.

“You’re not even going to give me a name of who you’re confessing to?” Your mom asks with a grin as she reaches out and takes the chocolate you held out to her. You place the lid onto the box of chocolates and gently tie the bow, before turning to look at your mom, “Does it taste good?”

Your mom chuckles, “They taste perfect, honey. Now can I get a name?”

Your eyes trail over to the clock on the microwave, and you quickly step past your mom when you see that you have 25 minutes before school starts. Placing the box of chocolates into your bag, you quickly put on the straps of your backpack and wave to your mother.

“Bye mom! I’ll text you when I make it to school!”

“Can you at least tell me what letter their name starts with?!” Your mom calls out to you from the kitchen table, to which you just smile and shut the front door.

You can’t be late to school on Valentine’s Day.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, yn!”

“Happy love day!”

“Did you greet Jaehyun happy birthday?”

You just bow your head kindly at all of the greetings, deciding not to answer the last question that was thrown at you as you walk down the hall. You’re determined to get to your classroom to surprise Jeonghan with the chocolates you made, but you seem to have forgotten how many people would want to greet you.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” You practically jump back at the sudden greeting, and glance at the person who had thrusted their box of chocolates out towards you. A small smile takes over your features when you see the rising blush to her face as she waits for you to take them, and you take notice of the way the box is slightly shaking in her hands. You gently take it from her grasp and bow your head at her, “Thank you. Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well.”

With that, you start heading towards your classroom again, but not without hearing the girl squeal excitedly with her friends. A quiet giggle escapes past your lips at that, already imagining how Jeonghan would react when you tell him about it later.

With a skip to your step, you hurry over and open the door to your classroom, a smile forming on your face when you catch sight of that blonde head of hair at the front of the class. You’re about to walk over to Jeonghan when a warm hand grasps your wrist, and you quickly turn to find yourself staring at those familiar dimples of Jung Jaehyun.

“Jae, hi. Happy birthday.” You greet with a friendly smile, and he lets his hand fall to his side once he has your attention on him. He smiles back and leans against your classroom’s door frame, “Thank you, yn. Wow, did you make those chocolates or did you get confessed to?”

You glance down at the box of chocolates that were given to you in the hallway, and you let out a laugh and shake your head at him. “Nono, an underclassman just gave them to me a few minutes ago. She was really happy when I took them.”

“What’s your answer to her confession?” Jaehyun asks with a knowing smile, and you shrug your shoulders. “I’m not interested, but I’m very flattered that she gave me chocolates.”

“Oh? Has someone captured the heart of arguably one of the most popular people in school?”

The question has warmth flooding your face, unable to bring yourself to answer who is supposedly the school’s heartthrob. In the past, you would’ve played into Jaehyun’s flirting, especially since the two of you had a lot in common.

However, you find your eyes trailing over to the front of the class. Jeonghan’s head is still resting on the table, eyes closed as the morning sunlight shines into the classroom, casting a faint glow over the angel’s features as he sleeps.

“Yeah, I guess so.” You murmur, a small smile forming on your face as you stare at the pretty blonde. You fail to notice the bit of surprise on Jaehyun’s face at your answer, and he follows the direction of your eyes. A sad smile forms on his face when he sees Yoon Jeonghan fast asleep on his desk, and that’s when he realizes that he doesn’t stand a chance with you anymore.

“Well, I won’t keep you from delivering your chocolates then.” Jaehyun tells you, and you blink, turning to him with wide eyes. “How’d you know I made chocolates?”

“From the look in your eyes, I think anyone can tell that you’re planning to confess. Whoever it is, they better realize how lucky they are.” The brunette says with a smile, and you giggle back and nod your head. You watch as he raises a hand up to wave at you, “I need to head off to class, but good luck. They’ll love the chocolates.”

You grin, “Thank you, Jaehyun.”

“Of course, yn. See you around.”

Once Jaehyun turns and walks away, you turn around and walk over to your desk. You feel Yeji’s eyes on you, but you choose to ignore the mischievous expression on her face as you place your bag down onto your desk.

“So, did Valentine boy confess to you?” Yeji teases, to which you just unzip your bag in response.

“Come on, yn. You don’t need to hide it, you literally have a box of chocolates on your desk.”

“An underclassman gave them to me in the hallway, not Jae.” You answer as you reach into your bag and pull out the carefully wrapped box of chocolates you made. Yeji’s eyes widen at the sight, and she lets out a big smile, “Oh my God. Are you confessing to Jaehyun?!”

You don’t respond, and instead walk over to the front of the classroom without another word even though she hisses out your name. Once you find yourself standing in front of Jeonghan’s desk, you bite back a chuckle at the traces of pink still in his hair.

“Yoon Jeonghan.” You state, and you feel your heart flutter within your chest when the blonde’s eyes slowly open from the sound of your voice. He blinks tiredly, and sits up from his desk while rubbing his eyes to rid himself of the exhaustion.

“Now why’d you bring out the full government name?” He asks with a teasing smile, and you suck in a deep breath to try and calm your crazy heart. Squeezing the box of chocolates you’re hiding behind your back, you sway from side to side as you try to muster the courage to hand them to him. “Just cause I knew it’d wake you up.”

“You already know that you can say or do anything and it’d wake me up.” Jeonghan tells you with a chuckle as he takes a sip of water, and you quietly count to five in your head before thrusting out the box of chocolates you had made for him.

“W-What’s this?” The blonde asks with wide eyes, and you gently shake the box for emphasis. “You know damn well what it is considering your track record for this capitalistic holiday in middle school.”

Jeonghan stares at the box in shock, before looking back up into your eyes. He takes note of the way you can’t seem to stand still out of nervousness, an emotion he’s hardly seen in you during the years he’s known you. He bites the inside of his cheek when he sees the hope in your gaze, the genuinity pouring from your eyes as you wait for him to take the box from you.

He tentatively reaches up and takes the box from your grasp after a moment, and he carefully takes off the lid. A breath escapes him when he sees the beautiful chocolates sitting in the box, shapes ranging from the standard square to teddy bears and hearts.

“They’re dark chocolate, I remembered that you weren’t much of a fan of milk chocolate when we were younger.” You murmur, silently cursing yourself for feeling so shy as heat floods your face the longer you stand in front of the blonde. You watch in silence as Jeonghan stares down at the chocolates, an indecipherable emotion in his eyes as he stays quiet.

He hates them, you think to yourself with embarrassment slowly flooding you. Biting the inside of your cheek, you move to tell him he doesn’t have to accept them when he finally looks back up into your eyes. You’re rendered speechless at the sight of his warm smile that you haven’t seen in years, and your heart thumps against your chest when he says in a soft voice,

“Thank you, yn. I love them.”

You’re unable to control the smile that takes over your features, and you shrug your shoulders to try and appear nonchalant. However, the bright smile on your face betrays you, clearly showing that you’re ecstatic by the blonde’s reaction.

“I’m glad. Happy Valentine’s Day, Yoon Jeonghan.” You greet him warmly, and Jeonghan lets out a soft giggle that makes your heart swell within your chest.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, yn.”

You lay on your bedroom floor, recounting the events of today with a small smile on your face.

After you gave Jeonghan the chocolates, your teacher came in shortly after and started going over the lessons for the day. You were unable to concentrate though, due to both the sight of Jeonghan’s content reaction at the taste of the chocolates you had made for him, and Yeji aggressively nudging you with her shoulder out of excitement and curiosity of the budding relationship between you and the blonde.

It was only at lunch when Yeji was finally able to grill you on why you suddenly became close with Jeonghan, and when you started liking him.

“Yn, answer this honestly. Why did you suddenly start talking to Jeonghan?”

A small chuckle escapes you as you place the spoonful of rice into your mouth, and you glance back up to see your friend waiting expectantly for your answer. Grinning, you shrug your shoulders and rest your chin on the palm of your hand, the sight of Jeonghan’s warm smile burned into the back of your eyes as you murmur,

“To fulfill my wish.”

Letting out a breath, you roll over onto your side and shut your eyes to try and ingrain every single detail of Jeonghan’s smile into your brain so that you won’t forget the memory. It’s something too precious for you to ever forget.

Just as you’re about to roll over onto your back again, the sound of your doorbell ringing throughout your house makes you sit up from the floor. Blinking confusedly, you get up from the floor and walk out of your room.

It’s a moment later when you’re standing in front of your door, that you slowly open it to find the blonde standing on your doorstep. His long blonde hair is tied back into a short ponytail, his frame covered by an oversized beige sweatshirt and black sweatpants. You raise an eyebrow at his hands placed strategically behind his back, and you glance up at him with a growing smile forming on your lips.

“Jeonghan, what are you hiding?”

“Wow, so you’re not even going to invite me in?” The blonde teases, to which you roll your eyes. “Don’t act like you don’t come in here like you own the place every other time.”

“This is true.” Jeonghan states, eliciting a giggle from you as you lean against the doorframe.

The two of you stare at each other as a comfortable silence fills the air. You’re staring at his hands behind his back, watching as he shuffles from foot to foot as he looks at you with a shy grin on his face. Biting the inside of your cheek, you’re about to ask him what he’s doing here when suddenly, a big tan and teal ball is blocking your vision.

Blinking your eyes to adjust, you let out a loud gasp when you realize Jeonghan’s holding out the big Snorlax plushie you were trying to win a month ago. You immediately take it from his grasp as you squeal excitedly, not feeling the least bit embarrassed by your reaction while you hold the Pokémon tight within your arms.

“Jeonghan! When?! How!?!” You’re unable to form a full sentence from how ecstatic you are over the Pokémon, and the blonde can’t help but giggle at you as he shrugs his shoulders to try and appear nonchalant. “After school today, I went to the arcade to win Snorlax. I got him in three tries.”

You smile brightly at him, warmth flooding your face at the fact that he went out of his way to win you the beloved Pokémon. Hugging the plushie close to your chest, you lean forward to tease him, “So you decided to feed into capitalism, your sworn enemy?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes and leans against the railing of your porch as he stares into your pretty eyes, “So you’re telling me you don’t want your precious Snorlax?”

“No!” You exclaim, holding the Pokémon tighter to your chest when he reaches to take it away from you. He smiles at your reaction, before reaching out and patting the top of your head, making you halt. You stare at him with wide eyes, warmth flooding your face as Jeonghan slowly lets his hand fall back to his side as he murmurs,

“I thought I could feed into capitalism just this once if it meant I could see your reaction to finally holding Snorlax in your arms.”

You can only blink at the blonde as he grins at you, your mouth slightly agape as you try to process what just happened. Jeonghan chuckles, and raises his hand up to shoot you a wave as he moves to step off your porch, “Happy Valentine’s Day, yn. Thank you for the chocolates.”

And you slowly raise your hand to wave back at him, trying to fight back the dumb smile that’s fighting its way onto your face as you whisper back,

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Yn, you don’t need to bring me a gift every time you visit. You don’t even have a job!”

“Okay. First, that was unprovoked. Second, this gift is different from the others!” You tell Jisoo with a small smile, and she squints at you. A giggle escapes you as you gesture for her to cover her eyes, and her frown deepens. A sigh leaves your lips as you mutter, “It’s times like this where you remind me of your brother.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true.” You tell her, before gesturing for her to cover her eyes again. She huffs, before closing her eyes and raising her hands up to shield her vision.

It’s currently one in the afternoon on Sunday, and you came to visit Jisoo without the blonde. Jeonghan doesn’t even know that you’ve come to visit his younger sister, but this also isn’t the first time you’ve visited her without the blonde’s knowledge.

This time, however, is special. From the times you’ve come with Jeonghan on the weekends to help Jisoo dye the blonde’s hair to whatever color she requests, you quickly came to notice the slight sadness to her gaze whenever her hands raked through his long hair. With this, you saved up some of your allowance from your parents to buy Jisoo a wig.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you reach out and slowly take off the beanie that rests over Jisoo’s head. You take the wig of long brown hair out of the gift bag afterwards, and gently place it on top of Jisoo’s head. You take your time adjusting it to make sure that the bangs are perfectly placed, before taking a step back.

Reaching out to grab her bedside mirror, you hold it out towards her as you tell her to open her eyes. You watch with bated breath as her eyes that resemble that of her older brother’s slowly open, and a small smile forms on your face when you see her eyes fill with surprise at the sight before her.

“I know you like doing Jeonghan’s hair, but I thought you’d also like to do your own hair sometimes.” You tell her softly, watching as Jisoo raises her shaky hands up to trail her fingers through the brown hair. Tears flood the brunette’s eyes as she strokes her hair, before she looks up at you with a bright smile on her face.

“Yn, thank you.” Jisoo says with a shaky voice, and you nod your head. She bites her bottom lip, before stepping out of her bed and throwing her frail arms around you tightly.

“Thank you so much, for everything. For coming to visit me, bringing me gifts, and for taking care of my brother. Thank you, yn.” Jisoo tells you earnestly, and you blink away the tears flooding your eyes at her sweet words. Wrapping your arms around the youngest, you hold her tightly within your embrace as you stroke her back.

“Of course, Jisoo.”

After a moment, the brunette loosens her hold on you to take a step back and look up into your eyes. You reach up and cup her face to gently wipe away the tears on her cheeks, while she gives you a small smile. You smile back at her when she reaches up to wipe away tears of your own, but your smile almost immediately falls when she quietly says,

“I can die happy knowing that Jeonghan has someone like you to love him for all that he is, and all that he will be.”

You blink at her words, trying to comprehend what she just said when the door to the hospital room suddenly opens up from behind the two of you.

“Jisoo~ I got you your favorite food–yn?”

You glance back to find Jeonghan staring at you in surprise, a bag filled with takeout in his hand. You watch as his gaze trails over to Jisoo, and you feel your heart squeeze in your chest when you see numerous emotions flood his eyes at the sight of his younger sister with long brown hair.

Jisoo takes a step back from you and quickly wipes the tears from her eyes, before giving her older brother a shy smile, “Jeonghan, how do I look?”

The blonde stares at Jisoo with a warm look in his eyes, and he sets the bag of takeout down onto the table. He walks up to the two of you, and gently pats the top of his sister’s head as he murmurs,

“You look pretty. You always look pretty, because you look just like your older brother.”

Jisoo immediately groans with a roll of her eyes, slapping his hand away as she walks over to the bag of takeout on the table. Jeonghan lets out a laugh at her reaction, and you attempt to smile as well, but you’re still a bit shaken by what Jisoo had told you right before the blonde entered the room.

“I can die happy knowing that Jeonghan has someone like you to love him for all that he is, and all that he will be.”

You’re quickly snapped out of your daze, however, when a warm hand reaches out and grasps your own. You look up to find Jeonghan staring at you with a small smile, and he gives your hand a squeeze as he whispers,

“Thank you, yn.”

You nod your head, smiling back at him as you rub your thumb on the back of his hand. The two of you stare at each other in silence for a moment, unspoken words being said through your gazes alone.

“Alright, lovebirds. I’m going to eat all of this fried chicken if you guys want to keep being in love, or whatever.” Jisoo calls out from the table, and the two of you immediately let your hands fall to your sides as you turn to the youngest. She just gives you both a mischievous smile, and Jeonghan shoots her a glare as he walks over to her.

You watch quietly for a moment as the two siblings start to bicker, a sight that would usually bring you amusement, but you’re left with a slight feeling of dread as Jisoo’s confession continues to ring in the back of your mind.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!”

You giggle at your loved ones as they sing loudly around you, raising a hand up to your face as you feel warmth flood your face slightly. You’ve lived through the Happy Birthday song for 18 years now, but you still feel a bit shy whenever anyone sings it to you.

“Happy birthday dear yn, happy birthday to you!”

“Okay honey, make a wish.” Your mom says with a big smile, her phone held up towards you as she takes a video. You grin, glancing around the room to see Yeji and some of your soccer friends waiting for you to blow out the candles. You grip your knees underneath the table when you turn to look towards the front door, still having the smallest bit of hope that Jeonghan will come.

Sucking in a deep breath, you close your eyes and think to yourself,

I wish to celebrate my birthday with Yoon Jeonghan.

Opening your eyes, you blow out the candle, with cheers of your friends and family erupting around you. A small smile forms on your face as you look at everyone, but you can’t help but feel your gaze trail over to the front door again.

You waited a long time for him to come. It was only when everyone left and it was just you waiting by the window of your front door, that you accepted that he had never planned to show up in the first place.

You blink out of the memory at the sound of a notification dinging from your phone, and you glance down to find a new text from Yeji.

yeji: streets are saying that they’re serving katsu for lunch…

and by streets i mean the weekly school lunch menu on the bulletin board

You snort at the text, quickly replying that you’ll go have lunch with her today before putting your phone down on your dresser. Biting the inside of your cheek, you blink to rid your eyes of the tears that managed to pool on your waterline from the distinct memory that appeared in your mind.

It’s been close to a month since the day you and Jeonghan exchanged Valentine’s day gifts, and with each day that passes, you’ve slowly been starting to forget the reason that you’ve come back in time.

You and Jeonghan’s friendship has only been growing stronger each day, with him beginning to open up more, and you bringing him everywhere you go. Almost every weekend, you go with Jeonghan to visit Jisoo in the hospital, while continuing to “secretly” visit her by yourself. Whereas almost everyday after classes, you drag the blonde to go out to eat or play soccer together until your parents are both calling you to come home for dinner.

It’s like the two of you have fallen back into your old childhood routine, spending everyday together until your parents have to physically separate you in order to fulfill your basic needs.

You’ve even noticed more people trying to talk to the blonde in school, and it always brings a smile to your face when you see him reciprocating the attention. He’s even managed to bring attention to his soccer skills during P.E. when you sneakily instigated a soccer tournament with him knowing very well that he can’t just drop a competition.

The ping of your phone gets your attention as you’re throwing your backpack over your shoulders, and a small smile forms on your face when you read the text.

jeonghannie: good morning yn ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

“Yn!” Your head lifts up at the sudden exclamation of your name from behind you, and you turn to see Yeji looking at you with a mischievous smile on her face.

The seating arrangement in your class changed for the new month, with Yeji now sitting behind you and Jeonghan still sitting in the front row. Yeji was obviously a bit upset that the two of you were now separated, but she quickly got over it when she realized she could throw tiny paper balls at the back of your head.

At first it was annoying, now it’s just routine.

“Katsu.” You state, to which Yeji’s smile widens as she nods her head in response. Chuckling, the two of you both stand up from your desks to get started towards the cafeteria. As you’re about to pass through the door, you glance back to see the blonde getting up from his desk as he rubs his tired eyes.

He looks up and locks eyes with you, and the two of you share a secretive smile as you point towards the stairwell. He nods and shoots you a quick thumbs up, and you quickly send him the OK sign before hurrying after Yeji.

“You and Jeonghan talk in code now too, huh?” She teases when you catch up to her, and you quickly reach out to slap her arm. She lets out a squeak and rubs her arm, shooting you a glare, “Bitch?!”

“Mind your own, or else I’ll take your katsu.” You threaten, and she presses her lips into a thin line before shaking her head at you with a small smile beginning to form on her face. She lets out a sigh and wraps her arm around you, “When will you and blondie start dating? Everyone already knows you’re in love.”

You roll your eyes, internally cursing yourself for the warmth flooding your face at the idea of you and Jeonghan appearing in the back of your mind.

“I have other priorities right now.”

“How can anything be more important than you finally realizing your feelings for the man?” Yeji asks as the two of you enter the cafeteria, standing at the back of the lunch line. You bite the inside of your cheek to try and appear nonchalant, even adding a shrug.

“I need to make my wish come true first.”

You quietly walk into the stairwell to find Jeonghan sitting at the top step with his back against the railing, the sunlight from the window resting over his angelic features. His eyes are closed, airpod in each ear as he quietly listens to music. A smile forms on your face at the pretty sight, and you try to ingrain every detail of his beauty in your mind before making your presence known.

“Hi sleeping beauty.”

Jeonghan’s eyes slowly open at the sound of your voice through his music, and the corner of his lips quirks upwards when he locks eyes with you. He takes out an airpod with a grin forming on his face when you step forward and sit down across from him, back resting against the wall as the two of you stare at each other.

“So you think I’m beautiful?” Jeonghan teases, to which you roll your eyes as you hand him the can of coffee you had bought from the vending machine. He nods his thanks while still keeping his gaze on you, and you squint your eyes when you see the mirth lingering behind those pretty brown irises. Breaking eye contact first, you glance out the window to stare at the sun shining in through the window, with delicate white clouds floating past in the bright blue sky.

“What a beautiful day.” You murmur quietly, to which the blonde follows your gaze and stares out the window. He lets out a breath of content at the sight, “Yeah, it is.”

“Do you want to play soccer tonight?” You ask, turning to look at Jeonghan to gauge his reaction. He lets out a snort, taking a sip of the coffee as he continues to stare out the window. “You must really enjoy getting humbled, huh?”

You scoff and gently kick his foot, eliciting a chuckle from him as he finally turns to look at you. He shakes his head, and you raise an eyebrow.

“Never expected you to say no to soccer.”

“That’s because I already planned an outing for us tonight.” Jeonghan says in a quiet voice, and you blink. Then you blink again.

“You… you planned what?” You ask, clearly in shock by what he said. The blonde grins at your surprise, feeling satisfied at how he had managed to plan it all secretly. The bell rings before you can ask another question, signaling the end of your lunch break.

He lets out a sigh and stands up from the step, reaching out and gently patting the top of your head with a small smile on his face,

“You’ll find out the plan for tonight after class.”

With that, he turns around and coolly walks away towards your classroom. You watch his back as he walks away, still in a slight state of shock, before the tiniest of smiles begins to form on your face. Running a hand through your hair, you stand up from the step and slowly start to follow after him with a slight pep to your step.

“Our parents are going to kill us, Yoon Jeonghan!” You exclaim when he pulls you onto the bus that will surely take you two hours away from home. The blonde just waves a hand at you to signal that it’s fine as he pulls you into the seat beside him.

“You’re taking me to a place that’s two hours away from home on a school night. You know damn well our parents are going to murder us when we get back.” You say with wide eyes, and Jeonghan nods his head in silent agreement as he takes a sip from his water bottle. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you lean your head back against the chair and shut your eyes.

When did I start thinking like a 17 year old again? You silently think to yourself as you open your eyes, biting back a laugh at the fact that you’re worried about your mother’s wrath.

“It’ll be fun, don’t worry.” Jeonghan tells you as he puts in an earbud, taking the other and gently placing it into your ear. You chuckle, “I have no doubt that it’ll be fun, I’m just worried about the consequences of our actions after the fun.”

The blonde grins and shuffles his playlist, before leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes like you did earlier as the soft tune of a piano begins to play through his earbuds. Letting out a sigh, you close your eyes and adjust your position so that your head now rests on Jeonghan’s shoulder.

After a moment, you feel the blonde gently rest his cheek on the top of your head.

“Yn Yln, you know that it’s a school night! Where the hell are you going?!” You wince at the familiar sound of your mother’s screech, pulling the phone away from your ear as she starts to complain about you. You send an apologetic glance towards Jeonghan after the two of you hop off the bus, and he just chuckles at the sound of your mother’s voice.

“I’ll be home soon, I swear!” You whine, only for your mother to start shouting even more.

“Home soon my ass! Always going out after school, but it’s never to a cram school. Didn’t I teach you to try hard in your studies so that you can get to a good college?! I don’t ask for you to be first in school, just to have good grades!”

You roll your eyes at your mother’s nagging, and Jeonghan bites back a smile as he nods in agreement with what your mom’s saying. Your eyes widen, and you reach out to slap the blonde’s shoulder at his teasing. He grins, before reaching out and taking the phone from you.

“Hi auntie, it’s Jeonghan.”

You almost let out a shout of indignance when you hear the immediate change to your mother’s initial anger after Jeonghan takes the phone from you, to which he just shoots you a wink. You cross your arms in annoyance and look around as the blonde talks to your mother, and you feel your breath get taken away when the bus drives away, revealing the sunset beginning to fall beneath the sea.

You can’t remember the last time you’ve been to the sea, having gotten so used to the city life that you and your friends almost forgot to plan hangouts that venture outside of downtown Seoul. Biting back a sad smile, you find yourself missing your future friends for the first time since you’ve traveled back in time.

Oh, how Seungcheol would be so offended if he were to find out you only missed them now.

“Yes auntie, don’t worry. Yes, my mom knows that I planned this for today and knew she couldn’t talk me out of it.” Jeonghan says, and you turn away from the view before you to see the blonde let out a chuckle at something your mom must’ve said. Running a hand through his hair, he ends with, “I’ll have them home safe by 11. Yes, yes, I’ll also make sure to come visit you soon. I missed you too. See you soon, auntie!”

He hangs up the call and hands you your phone back, to which you raise an eyebrow at him. He simply shrugs his shoulders with a coy smile, “What can I say? Your mom’s always called me the son she never had.”

“She has never once said that!” You exclaim with a laugh, and Jeonghan gives you a look.

“She said it all the time, yn. Wow, that selective hearing of yours is impressive.” He teases as he starts walking towards the beach, and you roll your eyes before following after him. You adjust your bag over your shoulder as the two of you start walking along the sand, gazing at the sunset and the different groups of people mingling on the beach.

Since it’s a school day, it’s pretty empty. However, there are still some families with their young kids playing in the sand, as well as some couples taking walks along the beach.

“What did you even say to my mom to make her calm down?” You ask after a moment of silence has passed between the two of you, and Jeonghan laughs. “I was joking earlier, but your selective hearing is impressive. How did you completely tune out our whole conversation?”

You reach out and slap his shoulder at the teasing, eliciting a hiss from him as the two of you walk closer to the water. “I was busy admiring the view! I didn’t mean to tune out your conversation on purpose.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Jeonghan jokes once the two of you are standing in front of the water, with the waves crashing onto the shore almost reaching your guys’ shoes. You roll your eyes, before a mischievous grin takes over your features. As the blonde begins to talk about where the two of you should eat dinner, you wait for the waves to come crashing onto the sand.

“There’s a corndog place nearby, or we could have ramen…”

Jeonghan’s voice tunes out when the waves finally make an appearance, and you quickly shove the blonde into the water, to which he shouts in shock at the cold water against his ankles. Maniacal laughter pours out of you at the astonished expression on Jeonghan’s face as he stands frozen in place, before his eyes slowly trail up towards you.

He blinks at the sight of you laughing at his demise, with the orange light cast onto you by the sun setting behind him. He almost forgets the position he’s in because of you, with the ice cold water from the ocean soaking his shoes and pants. However, the sound of your sudden snort breaks him out of his trance, and he feels a smirk form on his face as he raises his arm up and points at you, mirth pooling his gaze when he sees your laughter begin to die down.

“You better run bitch.”

You squeak and immediately turn around to begin sprinting down the beach, screaming apologies with Jeonghan quickly following after you, shouting expletives at you for his now soaked pants.

As the sun starts to disappear behind the vast expanse of the sea, it’s almost as if time seems to stop for you and Jeonghan as the two of you run around on the beach. Not a care or worry in the world as the two of you play in the sand like you once did when you were children.

You sit on the sand, corndog in hand as you watch a few people down the beach shoot fireworks up into the sky. There seems to be a permanent smile on your face as you scarf down the last of your food, the sound of Jeonghan’s bright laughter while the two of you were fighting to push the other into the sea ringing in your ears.

The memory is halted when a hand is suddenly in front of your face, causing you to lean back to see the blonde standing beside you, two firework sticks in hand. You let out a quiet gasp and quickly stand up from the sand, “You bought fireworks for us? I thought you were just going to the bathroom!”

“I made a quick pit stop when I saw you staring at the fireworks shooting up into the sky.” Jeonghan tells you with a grin as he places the firework into your hand. Warmth floods your face at the fact that he had noticed your longing stare at the people playing with fireworks on the beach, and you gently nudge his shoulder with yours. “Thank you, Jeonghan.”

“Of course, yn. Now come on, let’s go shoot these fireworks before we head back.”

The two of you walk towards the edge of the beach, stopping where the waves meet the sand. You stare off into the dark water, quietly wondering why you hadn’t gone to the beach more often in the future. The sea was one of your favorite places to visit growing up, partly due to your summers spent here with Jeonghan, but also because you just love the smell of the salty waters, the feel of the sand beneath your feet.

The memories that were made here at this beach have always been timeless.

“Yn, hold yours out.” You’re snapped out of your thoughts by Jeonghan striking the match on the box, a flame immediately igniting as he turns to you and lights your firework. He reaches out and adjusts your hand on the firework, making sure it’s aimed upwards towards the sky. You jump slightly when the firework shoots out, eliciting a laugh from the blonde that makes you gently nudge him in the stomach.

A smile forms on your face at the sight of his beautiful smile, warmth flooding you at the fact that you’ve been blessed by some God out there to see it again.

“Thank you.” You murmur, and Jeonghan looks away from the fireworks shooting into the sky, just to find you staring at him with an indecipherable emotion in your gaze. He feels the corner of his lips quirk upward, and he tilts his head at you, “For what?”

“For being here with me.”

And you watch as something flickers past Jeonghan’s eyes at your answer, before slightly shaking his head and turning back to the fireworks. You grin and follow suit, watching in awe as the last of your firework explodes into numerous colors in the night sky.

“I missed you.” Jeonghan says quietly as he prepares to light his firework, making your head snap towards him. You reach up and stretch your earlobes, unsure if you heard him correctly as he focuses on striking the match. It’s only when the flame ignites on the match, and he lights his firework, that he turns back to you as the first firework shoots into the sky.

“I took you to the beach because I missed you.” The blonde tells you, and you can only stare at him in shock as a small smile appears on his face. “Every once in a while, I found myself suddenly remembering the times we were brought to the beach as children. From the sandcastles we built, to us running into the sea and accidentally inhaling some salt water—I thought of it all. And I missed it, I missed you.”

You bite the inside of your cheek at his confession, watching as Jeonghan turns away to look up towards the night sky while the fireworks go off. His face is illuminated by the numerous colors exploding in the sky. From red, to orange, to purple, an iridescence of colors are cast onto him.

“So thank you, yn. Thank you for letting me experience this memory with you again.” Jeonghan whispers, his voice so quiet that you almost miss it by the sound of his fireworks exploding in the air. Feeling tears flood your eyes, you already know that your voice will crack if you even try to answer him with words.

So, you respond silently.

You reach out and intertwine your fingers with his, hearing the faint sound of his breath hitching at the sudden skinship. Without looking, you step closer and rest your head on his shoulder, staring upwards as the last of his fireworks shoots up into the sky.

It’s only when the final firework explodes in the darkness that you quietly whisper,

“Always.”

You walk into school with a furrow between your eyebrows, fists clenched as you head towards your classroom. There’s numerous people greeting you as you make your way down the hallway, some giving a belated birthday greeting. You can only nod at them, though, because you have to talk to someone.

Yoon Jeonghan didn’t come to your birthday party on Saturday, even though he had promised he would.

Once your classroom comes into view, you pick up the pace and immediately slide open the door. You do a quick onceover of the people inside the class, just for your frown to deepen when you see Jeonghan’s seat is left empty.

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you walk over and plop down into your desk. You don’t know why you’re so upset over him not coming to your birthday, it’s not like the two of you are as close as you used to be.

You reach up to rub the back of your neck at your petty thoughts, knowing deep down that you are guilty for your guys’ dwindling friendship.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t come, you think to yourself. It would make sense, he might’ve thought that you were just joking when you invited him. You couldn’t blame him, the two of you haven’t had an actual conversation since the beginning of Freshman year. If the roles were swapped, and Jeonghan was the one who suddenly invited you to his birthday, you also would’ve thought it was a joke.

You bite the inside of your cheek when the memory of his smile appears in your mind, his promise to be at your birthday ringing in your ears as well. Clenching your fist at your side, you look up when you hear your teacher’s voice entering the room.

“Class, before I get into the lecture, I have some news to share with all of you.”

You feel a foot kick the back of your chair, and you glance back to find Yeji raising an eyebrow at you. You shrug your shoulders at her, unsure of what the announcement could be either. Hearing the sound of your teacher clearing his throat, you turn back to see him looking a bit uncomfortable about what he’s going to say next.

“Your classmate, Yoon Jeonghan, sadly passed away on Saturday, April 20th. His family have requested to keep the information private, but have extended an invitation to his funeral. If any of you need to go to the counselor’s office…”

The rest of his words get tuned out by the sound of a sharp ringing in your ears, and your eyes slowly trail over towards the empty desk in the front of the classroom. Feeling your heart beat rapidly against your chest, your hand slowly crawls up to your neck as it starts to get harder to breathe.

This can’t be. It can’t be real.

You gasp for air as you clutch onto the front of your shirt, abruptly standing up from your desk in the middle of your teacher’s speech about your childhood best friend. Everyone’s eyes are on you as you struggle to breathe, and you quickly look over towards the exit and step away from your desk. Yeji is looking at you with concern pooled in her eyes, and she reaches out to grasp your hand, but you flinch out of her reach and stagger out of the classroom without being excused.

You stumble down the hallway and to the stairwell, trying to suck in a breath as you slam your back against the wall to gain balance. Raising your hands up to your hair, you clutch your head as you feel yourself beginning to hyperventilate. Slowly sliding down the wall until you’re on the floor, your eyes are wide as you stare down at your shoes, unable to believe what is happening as you struggle for air.

Your hands reach over to cover your face, and you pull back after they make contact, just to see the wetness to them from the tears you didn’t realize were escaping. You reach up to aggressively wipe away the tears falling from your eyes, but it just results in a sob escaping your lips as you curl up into a ball. Your hands grab at your hair, feeling a raw scream rip its way out of your throat as black dots begin to cloud your vision.

“Yn? Yn! Yeji, please go and call yn’s parents. Yn, breathe.” A familiar deep voice rings through your ears, hands resting on your shoulders to try and get you to look at him, but you’re unable to listen as you struggle to suck in a breath. You punch your chest in an attempt to get yourself to breathe properly, but you can only feel another sob escape you as you shake your head at Jaehyun.

“Yn? YN!”

Jaehyun’s frantic shout of your name goes unheard as the world around you finally turns black.

You gasp awake, sweat dripping down your back as you stare up at the ceiling with wide eyes. You reach up and wipe your face, only to pause when you feel the wetness to your cheeks. A shaky breath escapes you as your vision blurs, and you blink your eyes, feeling tears trail down the sides of your face.

“Jeonghan’s alive. It’s okay.” You murmur to yourself, before reaching out and grabbing your phone to check the time. You press your lips into a thin line when you see that you don’t have to be awake for another 4 hours, and you sigh as you place your phone back down onto your dresser.

You wonder why your brain decided to remind you of such a tragic memory after having such a beautiful day with Jeonghan. Is it because deep down, you’re still afraid? Is it to remind you that you still have a wish to accomplish?

You let out a huff and shake your head as if to rid yourself of your thoughts, knowing that overthinking the dream won’t do you any good.

“I need to sleep.”

Rolling over onto your side, the date flashes in the back of your mind as you slowly begin to drift back to sleep.

March 11, 2019

One more month.

You walk into the school with a pep to your step, a small smile on your face as you think of the possible ideas of what you and Jeonghan can do once classes are over. You’re greeted by some of your classmates in the hallways, to which you just shoot them a smile and wave in response, before continuing on towards the classroom.

You look forward to talking to Jeonghan in the mornings.

Stepping into the classroom, your eyes immediately zone in on Jeonghan’s desk, only for you to halt your movements.

His seat is empty, with no sign of him even being there.

You walk over to your seat and place your bag down, unzipping your bag to take out the canned coffee you had bought him on your way to school. You step over to his desk, and your grip on the beverage tightens when you don’t see his backpack or jacket on his seat.

“Yn!” Your head snaps up towards the doorway, and you lock eyes with a happy looking Yeji. Walking over towards her, you plop down in your seat as she sits on her desk behind you, “Good morning, yn.”

“Morning Yeji, have you seen Jeonghan?” You ask, and the brunette shakes her head as she spares a glance towards his desk. She shrugs her shoulders, “I haven’t seen him this morning, maybe he’s late? Him and I don’t really talk anyways, though.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you pull out your phone and open up your messages, and your heart falls when you see no response to your good morning message.

“Yn, are you okay?” Yeji asks, and you glance up to find concern in her gaze as she looks at you. Pouting her lips, she reaches out and rests her thumb between your eyebrows, smoothing out the crease you didn’t know was there. “You’ve been frowning since I got here.”

“I’m just… I’m just a bit worried that Jeonghan’s ruining his perfect attendance record.” You lie, and the brunette just stares, seeing right through your fib. Yet she doesn’t push it, and for that, you’re grateful for her.

“I’m sure he’s just making sure that you win that perfect attendance award since he knows how hard you’ve been trying to win that when we graduate.” Yeji tells you, squeezing your arm as a means to comfort you. You let out a shaky breath, and give her a small smile, “Yeah, yeah. You’re right.”

The brunette is about to comfort you more when your teacher enters the classroom, and you immediately turn towards the front of the class. You watch anxiously as he unpacks his textbook and notes for the lecture, trying to analyze his facial features to see if there’s a trace of sadness or discomfort. You clench your fists when he finally looks up at the class, opening his mouth to say,

“Alright class, open up your textbooks to page 88…”

You feel yourself letting out the breath that you didn’t even know you were holding, immediately tuning out his directions as you rest your head in your hands. You try to do a breathing exercise to calm down your beating heart, but the unease is still present as you look up to see Jeonghan’s empty desk.

Sweat drips down your face as you run, but you can’t allow yourself to slow down even a little. Your heart is beating hard against your chest, and you’re practically gasping for air, but you’re so close to home already.

As soon as the bell rang signaling that school was over, you threw your backpack over your shoulder and sprinted out of there.

Jeonghan never answered your text.

Now you’re running home so that you can run up to Jeonghan’s door and aggressively ring the doorbell. You don’t care if you’ll annoy him or be a nuisance, as long as he answers.

That’s all that matters.

You gasp for air when you make it into your neighborhood, and you push yourself to run a bit faster as you turn the corner and end up in your driveway. You practically fall onto your knees as you practically dry heave, letting your backpack fall to the ground.

You’re about to get ready to stand up and rush to Jeonghan’s house across the street, only to pause when you see your parents stepping out of the house, dressed in all black. Your heart immediately plummets when you see the pained look in your mother’s eyes when she looks up at you.

“Mom, what are you—“

“Yn, honey, I need you to freshen up and then put on a formal black outfit.” Your mom tells you in as soft of a voice she can muster, and you feel your breathing turn more rigid at how familiar this all is.

This can’t be… I still have a month left, you think to yourself as you clench your fists.

“Mom. What are you trying to say?” You ask quietly, feeling your hands begin to shake at your sides as your father walks up to you and picks up your bag from the ground. He gently reaches out and grasps your shaking hand, giving it a squeeze, and you turn to look at him.

“Jisoo passed away in the night. Her and Jeonghan’s parents called to let us know while you were in school.”

You blink at your father, his words slowly starting to sink in until they hit you all at once like a train. Stumbling backwards, you flinch away from your father’s grasp, tears flooding your vision as you stare at the ground with wide eyes.

“T-This can’t be… I don’t remember this.” You whisper to yourself, your hands reaching up to grip at your hair as you try to recall any old memories of Jisoo’s passing. You feel your parents reaching out to you, making an attempt to bring you inside your home, but you can only step away from them as you search your brain for anything you could’ve missed.

But you can’t. You don’t remember hearing anything of Jisoo’s death before Jeonghan passed.

“Yn, we have to attend the funeral. We don’t want to be late.” Your mother tells you softly, grasping your arm and leading you into your home. You just let her bring you inside, sucking in shaky breaths as the tears continue to fall from your eyes.

How could I not have known? You think to yourself as you’re brought into the bathroom, with your mother promising to bring in your formal black attire to put on after you shower. Numbly, you strip out of your sweat soaked clothes, and step into the shower. As the hot water falls onto your body, you swallow the lump in your throat as guilt flows through you.

How could you have lived so ignorantly back then?

You and your parents step into the funeral home, and you take notice of a few people around Jisoo’s age sitting at the tables, eating small meals. Sucking in a shaky breath, you tighten your grip around your mother’s hand as she guides you to the room.

The three of you turn the corner and step into the room, where tears immediately build up in your eyes when you see Jisoo’s smiling face in the center of all the flowers. Your bottom lip quivers as you try to keep your emotions at bay as the three of you bow to Jisoo twice.

You slowly turn in place to face Jeonghan’s family, and you feel your heart break within your chest when you see the blonde standing before you. He’s staring down at the floor with an empty look in his eyes, not even realizing you’re here. The dark eyebags that had slowly started to disappear are now back on his face, and his lips are incredibly chapped.

Your family bows to Jeonghan’s, which they reciprocate. When you stand back at your full height, your parents immediately start to give their condolences to Jeonghan’s parents. While you take a step closer to Jeonghan, who is still staring down at the floor with a lifeless look in his gaze.

“Jeonghan.” You murmur, and you see the blonde stir slightly at the sound of your voice. He slowly turns and looks up at you, and you feel your heart break within your chest at how empty he looks. You haven’t seen him look like this since that one day a couple of months ago, when you caught him sitting on the ledge of the window, staring out at the field.

Jeonghan blinks when the two of you make eye contact, almost as if he’s just realized that you’re here. You manage to give him a small smile in greeting, and from the sight alone, tears immediately flood his eyes.

The blonde steps forward and wraps his arms around you without a word, tears falling past his eyes when your arms wrap around his waist. He nuzzles his face into your neck, the sobs that he tried to keep inside beginning to pour out as you hold him tightly within your embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Jeonghan.” You whisper, tears falling past your eyes at the sound of his sobs.

And all you can do is hold him tighter as he cries, trying to offer him the comfort that you tried to give too late in the past.

“I knew she was getting weaker as the days went on.” Jeonghan murmurs quietly, his eyes bloodshot and face swollen from crying. The two of you are sitting at the back of the room, staring at Jisoo’s smiling face while both of your parents speak with the guests outside. You sniffle and take a sip of water, knowing that your own face probably matches his from the tears that you shed.

“But she just kept acting like nothing was wrong, like she wasn’t living on borrowed time.”

“That’s Jisoo for you.” You tell him softly, and the blonde glances at you with curiosity. You wipe your nose, a small smile forming on your face at the memories flooding your mind, “Ever since she was a baby, she was always so positive. The only times I saw her frown was when you would trick her.”

The corner of the blonde’s lips quirks upwards at this, before his expression turns solemn again.

“If I had known yesterday was her last day, I would’ve stayed by her side.”

“Jeonghan, it’s not your fault.” You interject immediately, but the blonde just runs a hand through his hair in silence. He lets out a choked laugh as he shakes his head, “She was the one who told me not to come visit after classes were done. She told me to do something for myself instead of going to visit her, and she was very insistent on it.”

“Jeonghan…”

“I tried to argue with her, even tried to bribe her by saying I’d bring you, but she just kept telling me that I looked silly wanting to spend all my freetime with my baby sister instead of you. I still went to visit her for a little bit when we got back, and I–” Jeonghan chokes up at the thought, and swallows the lump in his throat to continue.

“I saw how tired she looked. I tried to play it off as if the treatment from the day before really took a toll on her, but it wasn’t that, and Jisoo knew it. She knew it was almost time, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. If I had known… I would’ve done everything differently. I would’ve argued back more. I would’ve spent the night at the hospital. I would’ve—“

“Jeonghan, you know how happy she must’ve been when you came to visit her last night and heard about your day even for that short span of time? You know your happiness is her happiness, and vice versa.” You say, watching as the blonde’s bottom lip quivers as tears begin to flood his eyes again. You reach out and rest your hand on top of his, giving it a squeeze as you murmur, “Jisoo doesn’t blame you for anything, she wanted you to be able to live happily even if she wasn’t there. Her wishes were answered when she saw you before she went to sleep last night.”

Jeonghan chokes on a sob, reaching up and resting a hand over his eyes as the second wave of tears cascade down his cheeks.

“She was too young, too precious.” Jeonghan whispers through his tears, moving his hand so that he can look at Jisoo’s smiling face again. You squeeze his hand again, feeling your eyes water as you swallow the growing lump in your throat. Nodding your head, you mutter, “She, of all people, deserved a full life.”

Jeonghan stares at Jisoo’s framed picture in silence for a moment, before muttering, “I don’t know what to do without her.”

You suck in a shaky breath at his words, silently realizing that this must’ve been it. This was his breaking point back then. He had almost no support system, having already isolated himself from others when Jisoo was diagnosed in sophomore year. No one except his family knew what he must have been feeling, and even they must’ve not known the extent of his depression.

And then there was you. The only other person in this world who knew Jeonghan from the inside and out, who didn’t decide to reach out until your 18th birthday.

You knew that something was off, that he wasn’t himself. Yet you stood idly by, only sparing him a few glances before going back to your other friends because you didn’t think you were close enough to reach out anymore. It wasn’t until it was too late that you tried to be there for him, and it wasn’t enough.

Turning your head to glance at the blonde, you stare at his angelic features that were shared with his beautiful sister. From his long eyelashes, to the slope of his nose, and to the pretty mole on his cheek. You feel your heart seize in your chest when a single tear slowly trails down his cheek as he stares at the photo of Jisoo, and you can’t help but think of how exhausted he looks. It almost feels like a punch in the gut when you realize how similar it is to how he looked right before he died.

As the days went on in March back then, the bags under his eyes became darker, his complexion slowly losing that warm glow, and his eyes. Oh, his eyes, the pure exhaustion that dripped from his gaze whenever you looked at him in class.

Jeonghan was alive, but he was an empty shell of who he used to be.

How could I have just ignored all the signs? You silently wonder to yourself as you stare at the broken boy beside you, feeling your heart break at the sight of the grief on his face. Turning away from the blonde, you quietly tell him,

“You live.” You feel Jeonghan turn his head to glance at you, and you whisper, “You live for her, for Jisoo.”

After the words leave your lips, you turn to look at the blonde right when the tears fall from his eyes. He presses his lips into a thin line, before a heartbreaking smile slowly takes over his features as he chokes out, “I don’t know if I can.”

Jisoo’s words to you from a month ago suddenly ring in your ears, “I can die happy knowing that Jeonghan has someone like you to love him for all that he is, and all that he will be.”

Sucking in a shaky breath, you tentatively raise your hand up towards his face, and without breaking eye contact, you rest it against his cheek. Wiping away his tears with the pad of your thumb, you return his smile with your own tears falling past your eyes, “That’s okay, because she and I know that you will.”

At this, Jeonghan bites his bottom lip to try and fight the next wave of sobs that threaten to pour out, turning away from you to hide his tears. However, you reach out and wrap your arms around him, pulling the blonde towards you until his face is hidden in your shoulder. You rest your cheek on the back of his head, gently rubbing his back as you hold back sobs of your own.

You slowly enter the funeral home with your parents on either side of you, your heartbeat loud against your ears as you look at all of the people sitting at the tables sharing a meal and a drink. You recognize a few as Jeonghan’s relatives, having met them before at family parties.

You come to a stop when you’re about to turn to enter the room, and your mother gives you a glance, “Yn, we have to.”

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you shake your head, “This can’t be real. None of this can be real.”

“Come on, honey.” Your father tells you, and without another word, your parents gently push you forward.

The three of you slip off your shoes and step up into the room, and a shaky breath escapes your lips when you see Jeonghan’s smiling face among the flowers surrounding the picture frame. You turn your head to see Jeonghan’s parents standing off to the side as your family steps up to the altar. You clench your fists when you see the dried tear tracks on his mother’s face, and the tired expression on his father’s as he stares at the floor.

The three of you light a stick of incense beside Jeonghan’s portrait, before bowing towards him. You feel numb each time you look up at his face, unable to believe that this is real.

That Jeonghan is dead.

When your family is done, you turn towards Jeonghan’s parents, and your bottom lip begins to quiver when you bow towards them. It’s when you’re standing back at your full height that you finally lock eyes with Jeonghan’s mother, and an overwhelming feeling of guilt floods you as a tear trails down her face.

She tentatively steps towards you, and with shaky hands, cups your face. You raise your hands up and rest them over hers, and her thumbs wipe underneath your eyes. The act brings you to the realization that you’ve been crying this whole time.

She attempts to give you a smile, and you bite back a sob as she murmurs, “You’re so grown up now, dear.”

Without another word, you step forward and wrap your arms around her, crying out your apologies as she holds you in her warm embrace. You feel her shaking her head at your apologies as she mutters that it’s not your fault, that no one knew this would happen.

But the grief overwhelms you as you hug her tighter, shaking within her hold as you shake your head at her. All you can do is sob, continuing to cry out apologies as you hear Jeonghan’s father start to cry beside you.

Eventually, Jeonghan’s mother can only hold you silently, knowing that no words of reassurance can relieve you of the guilt you feel.

“Yn.” You turn your head at the sound of your name being called, just for a small smile to form on your face when you see the blonde dribbling the soccer ball towards you. You twist on the cap of the water bottle, and rest it on the bleachers beside you, “Mm?”

Jeonghan kicks the ball over to you, and you stop it with your foot. He runs a hand through his blonde hair, and you notice how much his roots have grown.

It’s been almost three weeks since Jisoo passed, and it’s been a rough journey to get to where the two of you are now. Jeonghan didn’t attend classes for a week, opting to either just stay in bed or sit in the corner of Jisoo’s bedroom and hold her favorite plushie. Everyday after school, you’d go over to his house with a copy of your notes that you took during class, and either coax him out of bed or feed him his meals.

The second week, he was able to go to school. However, he didn’t talk much, and that was okay with you. You would either put on your favorite show and have him watch it from beside you, or tell him about anything and everything you could think of to distract him. After classes were over, you would drag him to the field and have him play soccer with you.

You found that the sport is what would bring the most relief to the blonde.

“What’s your opinion on mullets?” The blonde asks as he gestures towards the water bottle beside you, and you snort at the random question. Tossing the bottle to him, you reply, “I think they’re nice. Only some people can rock it, though. Oh! It also has to be a specific type of mullet.”

Jeonghan gulps down some water and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, looking at you with an amused expression on his face. You raise an eyebrow, “What?”

“Didn’t know you had a PhD in mullets.” The blonde jokes, and you roll your eyes jokingly. Shrugging your shoulders, you remember how in the future, you meet one of the only people you know who looks amazing with a mullet.

“I kinda miss Minghao.” You whisper to yourself as you remember your roommate, having almost forgotten about the wonderful friend group you made once you got to college. You silently wonder if you’ll still be able to meet them after you change the past, or if your actions now are changing everything about your future.

Then again, you always did think that your group of 13 was missing someone.

“Yn.” Jeonghan calls out, and you look up at the blonde, just for him to gesture towards the sky behind you. Blinking, you turn around, and feel your breath get taken away by the sight of the sunset. The sun is a bright orange, with the sky painted in different pinks and purples. The clouds resemble that of cotton candy—delicate and soft.

“Didn’t think you’d want to miss it.” Jeonghan says as he sits beside you on the bleachers. You let out a small smile and spare him a glance, and you bite the inside of your cheek.

How can someone be more ethereal than the sky? You silently question as you stare at your best friend beside you. The light from the setting sun casts an orange glow over his features, highlighting his soft eyes and pretty cheekbones. Your gaze trails down to the dark circles under his eyes, and you press your lips into a thin line as you think that they might’ve gotten a bit lighter as the days went on.

Letting out a breath, you turn away to look up at the pretty sky again. As the two of you sit in silence watching the sunset beneath the horizon, you quietly murmur, “Thank you for another beautiful day, Jisoo.”

You hear Jeonghan’s breath hitch slightly from beside you at the mention of his sister, and you glance at him right when a single tear escapes past his eye as he stares at the sky. Biting your bottom lip, you turn away from the vulnerable sight, already knowing that he doesn’t want you to acknowledge his grief.

After a moment, you hear Jeonghan whisper,

“Thank you, yn.”

You stare at the calendar taped to your locker, eyes stuck on the current date.

Friday, April 12th

“Yn!” You’re snapped out of your thoughts by the call of your name, and quickly shut your locker, just to turn and find yourself face to face with Jaehyun. A smile takes over your features, and you raise your hand up to wave to the brunette, “Hi Jae.”

Since Valentine’s Day, Jaehyun got the hint that you weren’t interested and immediately stopped trying to win your affections. Except for the occasional greeting when you two cross paths, or the small talk you guys have when you’re at lunch, you haven’t really spoken in a while.

“I need to ask you a question, but the question isn’t about you.” Jaehyun breathes out, and you squint at the dimpled man suspiciously. “Is this going to lead into a your mom joke? If so, I won’t hesitate to punch you in the dick.”

Jaehyun blinks at you, and you don’t fail to notice him lowering his books over his private area, making you bite back a laugh. He shakes his head, “It definitely isn’t leading into a your mom joke, but I’ll remember that threat just in case I ever do want to pull a your mom joke on you.”

You grin, and the brunette chuckles. He gestures down the hallway towards your class, “Can I walk you to class while we talk?”

You hesitate for a moment, wondering if you misjudged him and he’s actually still motivated to win your affections. He can sense your hesitation, however, and waves a hand at you, “This is about Jeonghan, not me trying to get you to fall in love with me.”

Warmth floods your face at the bluntness of his statement, feeling embarrassed for assuming right away. Holding your books closer to your chest, you shrug your shoulders awkwardly, “Oh.”

The two of you start walking slowly down the hallway together, before Jaehyun jokes,

“Unless you want me to.”

You nudge him in the ribs for it, and he laughs loudly at your reaction. Shaking your head at him, a smile forms on your lips as you think about how grateful you are for Jaehyun’s kindness. You really hope that you can maintain this friendship in the future, especially since Jaehyun has always been a constant in your high school career.

“So what did you want to ask me about, dimple boy?” You ask, and the brunette smiles at the use of his nickname. He glances at you, “I saw you and Jeonghan playing soccer the other day.”

Your head snaps towards him in surprise, and Jaehyun chuckles at how quickly you reacted. He nudges your shoulder with his own, “He’s really good. It looked like you were fighting for your life every time you had the ball.”

“Woah, woah woah.” You interrupt, and Jaehyun laughs loudly at your quick defense. You wave your hands at him, “I was not fighting for my life. I’d say each side was equally struggling.”

Jaehyun smiles and nods his head at your words, showing that he’s agreeing with you. You know he doesn’t believe what you’re saying though, but that’s okay, because you’re lying.

Jeonghan is a fantastic soccer player.

“Well,” Jaehyun begins as the two of you stop in front of the entrance of your classroom. He leans against the wall as he looks at you, and you tilt your head at him to continue. He glances into your classroom to find Jeonghan fast asleep on his desk, before looking back at you, “It’s too late for him to join the school’s soccer team since it’s our senior year, but if he’s interested in trying out for SNU’s soccer team, then tell him to text me.”

A thrum of excitement floods you at the thought of Jeonghan playing the sport competitively. It’s something that he gave up for Jisoo, which didn’t go unnoticed by her, but you know she wanted him to get back into it again. All of you knew that he was fantastic at the sport, but his talent went unrecognized for years because he left it behind.

Now is his chance to play to his full potential.

“Really? Would they even try to scout him if he wasn’t on the high school team?” You ask, and Jaehyun shrugs his shoulders with a mischievous smile. “I can sneak him into tryouts.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re making Jeonghan a nepo baby?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen in disbelief at your words, before he breaks out into laughter at your joke. You bite back a smile of your own as you turn away, looking into the classroom to see the blonde beginning to stir on his desk. Glancing back at Jaehyun, you reach out and pat his shoulder, “I’ll talk to him and let you know.”

The brunette smiles and gives you a thumbs up, before stepping away and beginning to walk down the hallway. Letting out a breath, you turn and walk into the classroom, and place your books down on top of your desk. You glance behind you to see Yeji looking at you with a mysterious grin on her face from her seat, and you squint.

“What?”

She wiggles her eyebrows, “So, you back with Valentine boy?”

You let out a sigh, before reaching out and slapping her shoulder, eliciting a squeak out of the brunette. She rubs her shoulder with a pout to her lips, “That hurt!”

“If you focused on your studies more than my love life, then maybe you’d have a higher rank in our grade.” You tell her, and her jaw drops. She reaches out to slap you back, but you quickly dodge and stick your tongue out at her.

“Yn!”

“Repent. You already know how I feel.” You say with a glare, and a cheshire smile quickly forms on Yeji’s face at your almost confession. She points at you and then the front of the classroom, which you already guess is her pointing at Jeonghan.

You just shrug your shoulders at her and sit down in your seat, turning around to find your eyes locked on Jeonghan’s. You blink in surprise at the eye contact, having thought the blonde was fast asleep atop his desk like usual.

He looks at you with a sleepy gaze, and raises his hand up to send you a tiny wave, a small smile on his face to match. Your lips curl upwards almost immediately at the sight, and you wave back at him as you mouth the words, Good morning, Jeonghan!

He smiles softly, before turning back around in his seat to rest his head on top of his desk again. Biting the inside of your cheek, you open your journal to begin doodling when you feel something small hit the square of your back. An amused smile takes over your features when you quickly realize who it is, and you glance back to see Yeji holding up a sticky note towards you. The message immediately rips a laugh out of you, no room in your heart to make you even the slightest bit annoyed at what your friend had quickly scribbled down,

YOON JEONGHAN ♡ YN YLN

You let out a victory screech when you kick the soccer ball into the goal, and Jeonghan huffs out a good shot as he practically dry heaves from beside you. You suck in tired breaths of your own, feeling like you’re trying to gulp the air as you rest your hands on your knees.

The blonde glances at you, and lets out a laugh when he sees your exhausted state. He gently pats your back, before walking over to go and get the soccer ball. Feeling your heart rate slowly begin to go back to normal, you stand up at your full height as you watch the blonde dribble the soccer ball over to you. Some pieces of his hair stick to his forehead from sweat, and his shirt clings to him a bit as well due to how long the two of you have been playing.

While that would be the moment during your soccer matches where you would start to feel uncomfortable from the feeling of your wet shirt, and the exhaustion beginning to sink in—you don’t see a trace of that in Jeonghan’s face. There’s a small smile on his lips as he does a few kick tricks with the soccer ball as he makes his way over, and his eyes are full of content when he looks up at you.

“Jeonghan.” You say when he’s finally standing in front of you, soccer ball resting at your feet as he runs a hand through his long hair. He tilts his head with a grin, “Yn.”

The corner of your lips quirk upwards as you softly nudge the soccer ball towards his foot, and he stops it with a raised eyebrow. You point to the soccer ball, “What if you tried out for SNU’s soccer team?”

You watch as a frown immediately forms on his face, before amusement floods his eyes. He shakes his head at you with a grin as he starts to dribble the soccer ball towards the middle of the field, “Good joke. Is this your way of trying to flatter me out of playing another round?”

You bite your bottom lip, having not thought that he would think you were joking when you asked him the question. Pressing your hands together, you take a step towards him, “I’m not kidding, Jeonghan.”

The blonde physically pauses, resting his foot on top of the soccer ball to stop it as well. He glances back at you with a furrow to his brows, and you give him a hopeful smile.

“Jaehyun spoke to me this morning.” You begin, and Jeonghan blinks at the name, waiting for you to continue. Squeezing your hands, you shrug your shoulders, “He told me he saw us playing the other day, and he said you were really good. He said that if you were interested in trying out for SNU’s soccer team for next year, then let him know and he can help out.”

Silence falls between the two of you after you explain what happened. You wait with bated breath as you stare at the blonde in front of you, watching as conflicting emotions flood his face at what you had just offered. After a moment, he turns to you with a serious expression.

“No.”

You blink at his answer, before a frown takes over your own features, “Did you just say no?”

“Yeah, my answer is no.” Jeonghan tells you, and turns around to start dribbling the soccer ball again. You blink again, before hurrying over and grabbing his arm to stop him from avoiding you. “W-Why? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Jeonghan–”

“Yn!” Jeonghan exclaims, making you jump slightly at the rise in his voice. He turns to look at you with wide eyes, and that’s when you notice the grief and anger deep in his brown eyes as he stares at you. “I don’t care if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’m not interested.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, and he rips his arm out of your grasp to start kicking the soccer ball again. Clenching your fists at your side, you reach out and grab his arm again, ignoring the sigh he lets out at your persistence.

“You’re not interested?” You begin, anger slowly rising in you as the blonde refuses to look at you. Glaring at the back of his head, you hold his arm tightly as you continue, “I know that’s bullshit, Yoon Jeonghan, and you do too! Playing this fucking sport is almost like water and oxygen for you, it’s something that you love! You think I don’t see the longing in your eyes whenever you’re watching the soccer team practice outside on the field during class? Or the pure excitement in your gaze whenever I suggest that we play soccer after school?”

Jeonghan stays silent at your words, continuing to stare down at the ground as he keeps his back to you. Pressing your lips into a thin line, you gently pull his arm to try and get him to look at you.

“Jeonghan, I know that you want to get back into playing soccer competitively. This is your chance, why don’t you take it–”

“Once in a lifetime opportunity.” Jeonghan cuts you off in a quiet voice, and you suck in a breath when he finally turns to look at you, and you see the tears trailing down his face. He tilts his head at you, “Do you really think that it’s fair for me to take this chance, when Jisoo didn’t even get a chance to have a once in a lifetime opportunity?”

Your bottom lip quivers at the mention of his younger sister, and you quietly murmur, “Jeonghan…”

“Jisoo didn’t even get a chance to live out the rest of her life, and you expect me to believe that it’s fair for me to do that for her? For me to take all of these chances, and do all of these things, when she spent the remainder of her life inside of a hospital room? How is that fair?” Jeonghan rants, tears falling past his eyes as he stares at you.

He shakes his head as he sucks in a shaky breath, “Even… even when she was alive, I…” The blonde trails off, looking up at the sky as he tries to swallow the lump that’s forming in his throat. He looks back down at you with red eyes, “Even when Jisoo was alive, I wasn’t. I was waking up everyday, and living my life full of hate. I had so much hate and anger towards the world for what they did to my sister, and I was so fucking exhausted of living. I was in so much pain, but I tried to act strong for her, for Jisoo. I was a shell of who I used to be, and the only time I felt whole, was when I was with her.”

Tears flood your eyes at his words, finally hearing of the pain and suffering that Jeonghan’s been dealing with by himself.

“And yet, Jisoo was so full of life! Even with her diagnosis, she still smiled and laughed, still saw the good in this world no matter how much pain she was in from the illness the world bestowed upon her. She was so precious, too kind for this world. As the days went on, I watched her get weaker, and I felt so useless because I couldn’t do anything to protect her from it, but Jisoo was strong. I thought I was acting strong for her, when in reality, she was acting strong for the both of us. And there I was, her beloved older brother that she idolized, secretly planning his own death if the world decided to be cruel to Jisoo one last time.”

Jeonghan lets out a tired breath after the confession leaves his lips, and he tilts his head at you, “So tell me, yn. Tell me how it’s fair for me to live my life happily when my sister, who deserved it more than me, didn’t get the chance to?”

You bite the inside of your cheek, silence falling over the two of you as you simply shake your head at him. At this, he reaches up and wipes away the tears in his eyes, tilting his head up towards the sky as he sucks in deep breaths to try and calm himself down.

“It’s not fair that Jisoo’s life got taken away from her when she was so young, and had so many hopes and dreams.” You whisper, and the blonde turns to you. He stares in silence as you gently squeeze his arm, “But Jisoo left this world with one last dream she sought to fulfill... and it was for you to live your life to its full potential, even if she couldn’t be there to see it.”

You watch as tears flood Jeonghan’s eyes again, and you feel tears of your own begin to cascade down your face as you give him a heartbreaking smile,

“A few weeks before she died, Jisoo told me this, I can die happy knowing that Jeonghan has someone like you to love him for all that he is, and all that he will be.”

You watch as the last of Jeonghan’s will to appear strong completely crumbles at your words, and he lets out a sob as the tears fall from his eyes immediately. He rips his arm out of your grasp again and takes a few steps away from you, and you cover your mouth to silence your cries as you watch him let out an anguished scream up towards the sky.

He runs his hands through his hair as he cries out to the sky, and you cry quietly when he flings himself down onto the grass of the field. It’s after a few minutes when the two of you begin to calm down, that you walk over and lay down right beside him. The two of you stare up at the stars in silence, gaze stuck on a particularly bright star shining down onto the both of you.

“Yn.” Jeonghan mutters, voice hoarse from the screams he let out. You blink tiredly, and turn to look at him as you say, “Hm?”

The blonde blinks up at the bright star, and he raises his hand up towards it as if he’s trying to reach it. You watch in silence as his delicate fingers reach for the star, until he whispers,

“I think it’s time to get rid of the blonde.”

It’s hours later in the evening, after a quick trip to the convenience store to buy hair dye and gloves, that you spend the rest of the night with Jeonghan in your bathroom as you color his blonde hair while the two of you quietly talk about all of your memories of Jisoo.

It’s in the wee hours of the morning when the two of you finish, and you fall asleep on the floor of your bedroom beside a newly dyed Jeonghan.

The early morning sun that peeks through your curtains shines down onto the sleeping Jeonghan, highlighting his hair that’s now dyed a vibrant lilac, in honor of Jisoo’s favorite color.

“Jung Jaehyun!” You call out from the end of the hallway, and you watch as the brunette looks up, just for his eyes to widen slightly at the sight of Jeonghan’s bright purple hair. You giggle at the sight, and Jeonghan lets out a breath from beside you as you give his hand a squeeze, before making him walk faster.

“Dude, your hair looks sick. How does it still look so healthy too?” Jaehyun asks with an awestruck expression on his face, and you turn to see Jeonghan’s ears turning a bit red at the compliment, making you laugh quietly to yourself. The man at your side shrugs his shoulders, squeezing your hand as he replies, “I make sure to use good hair conditioning products.”

Jaehyun lets out a quiet, ah, that makes sense, before turning to you with a grin. You return the smile and nudge Jeonghan’s shoulder with your own, “He said he’s interested in trying out.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen in excitement at your words, and you watch as the two begin to converse excitedly about the sport and how the brunette will help Jeonghan get into try-outs.

You glance down at your phone to check the time, and your eyes linger on the date that flashes into your eyes.

Monday, April 15

Five more days until your birthday.

On this day in the past, is when you gave Jeonghan the invitation.

The same invitation that’s in your backpack that is at the forefront of your mind as you watch Jeonghan and Jaehyun converse, and you feel your heart warm at the sight of Jeonghan’s smile. It was a sight that was so rare only a few months ago, but is now a view that you’re blessed to see everyday.

Jeonghan’s changed in the months since you’ve traveled back in time, and you think that you were able to change the past. However, you don’t know for sure until Saturday comes.

You bite the inside of your cheek, knowing that you’re not contributing to anything that’s going on in Jeonghan and Jaehyun’s conversation. Yet, you’re awkwardly standing there, holding Jeonghan’s hand as you just watch them converse.

“I feel like a third wheel.” You murmur to yourself, and decide to take a step back and slowly remove your hand from Jeonghan’s grasp. As you do so, however, your heart thumps in your chest when he suddenly re-adjusts his grip on your hand so that his fingers intertwine with yours. You look up from your interlocked hands to find him smiling softly to himself, and you bite back a smile when he gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

“Okay, I’ll make sure to update you when I get more information.” Jaehyun tells Jeonghan with an excited grin, and Jeonghan nods his head in agreement. The brunette turns to you, and you blink in surprise when he pouts.

“Why is Valentine Boy pouting at me?”

“Because you never invite me when you and Jeonghan play soccer together. This is the first time he and I have properly spoken, and he immediately invited me to the next time you guys play! You and I have been friends since Freshman year!” Jaehyun complains, and you teasingly roll your eyes, reaching out to gently push his shoulder. He chuckles and pats your head as he steps past you, “I’ll see you both tomorrow for our soccer date~”

“You wish it was a date!” You call out to him with a laugh, and he turns around to point towards yours and Jeonghan’s interlocked hands.

“I know when I’m a thirdwheel, yn.” Jaehyun tells you with a wink, and warmth immediately floods your face at the fact that he pointed out your public display of affection. He grins and waves his hand at you both, “See you!”

And with that, the two of you watch as Jaehyun disappears among the crowd of students. You let out a breath, before turning towards Jeonghan with a smile,

“So… are you excited to be the star soccer player at Seoul National University?!”

Jeonghan chuckles with a roll of his eyes, and just drags you to the classroom without answering your question.

“Are you and Jeonghan dating now or…” You give Yeji a look, and she raises her hands up, clearly exasperated by your expression. “What?! I feel like it’s a totally valid question to ask since the two of you came into class today holding hands!”

You snort at her desperation, and she lets out a whine as she reaches out to grasp your hands and shake them. Smiling at your friend, you give her hand a squeeze before standing up from the lunch table. Yeji whines even louder as she watches you stand, and you laugh as you pick up your lunch tray.

“Yn! Please, you have to tell me.”

You simply shrug your shoulders with a small smile, “Jeonghan and I are just… us. We’re Jeonghan and yn, yn and Jeonghan. That’s all.”

With that last remark, you turn around and walk over towards the garbage area to put away your lunch tray. You reach your hands up to cup your face when you exit the cafeteria, feeling the warmth to your cheeks as you head in the direction of the stairwell.

“Gosh, that girl. She should focus on her own love life instead of hounding me about mine.” You murmur embarrassedly, but the shy smile that threatens to appear on your lips shows that you’re anything but annoyed by your sweet friend.

Sucking in a deep breath after you enter the hallway, you reach into the pocket of your jacket and take out the envelope that holds Jeonghan’s invitation to your birthday party. Holding it behind your back, you walk over to the stairwell and stand at the entrance, watching as the lilac haired beauty quietly eats his lunch with his airpods in.

“You know, you could eat lunch with me and Yeji in the cafeteria instead of in the stairwell everyday.” You state, making your presence known. Jeonghan takes out an airpod and turns to find you standing there with a small smile, and the corner of his lips quirk upwards as he pats the spot on the step beside him. “It’s too loud in there. I enjoy my quiet lunches here.”

You chuckle and plop down beside him, hiding the invitation at your side as you watch him pick up a piece of kimbap with his chopsticks. You blink when he suddenly turns to you, an expectant look on his face as he gestures towards your mouth.

“Say ahh~” Jeonghan says in a singsong voice, and you roll your eyes but comply, allowing him to feed you the kimbap his mother made. You chew on the yummy food, having always loved his mother’s cooking since you were kids.

“So, has anyone confessed to you yet? I think the lilac hair makes you stand out more than the blonde did.” You tease, and Jeonghan scoffs as he places a piece of kimchi into his mouth. He points at you with his chopsticks, “Would you be jealous if I said yes?”

You squint, “No.”

“Well then, I’ll tell you that three people left me love letters in my desk—”

“THREE?!” You exclaim, and warmth immediately floods your face when the pretty boy in front of you starts to guffaw at your reaction. You bite your bottom lip and lean back, fixing your hair as you quietly correct yourself, “I-I mean, woah! Three people?”

Jeonghan continues to laugh at you, the beautiful sound ringing throughout the stairwell as you complain about him making fun of you. He just shakes his head as his laughter begins to die down, looking at you with an indecipherable emotion in his eyes as he reaches out and pats your head.

“Don’t worry, I turned them down.”

You press your lips into a thin line and turn away from Jeonghan, but he doesn’t fail to notice the small smile playing on your lips as you stare out the window behind you both. He grins and looks out the window as well, watching as the birds fly past the school in the bright blue sky.

You spare a glance at the pretty boy, and you feel your heart thump in your chest when you see the look of content on his face as he stares out the window. Biting the inside of your cheek, you reach for the invitation at your side, and softly say his name.

“Mm?” Jeonghan murmurs, continuing to stare out the window as his eyes follow the cloud that’s shaped like a flower. Smiling to yourself, you reach out and place the invitation on his lap, and he’s snapped out of his daze to glance down at what you’ve given him. He looks at you with a raised eyebrow as he puts his lunch down beside him in order to pick up the envelope, “What’s this?”

You shrug your shoulders and gesture towards it, “You have to open it to find out.”

Jeonghan squints at you, then proceeds to gently open up the envelope. You watch in anticipation as he opens up the card, your heart thumping against your chest as he takes a second to look it over. He glances up at you after a moment, “I almost forgot that you aren’t eighteen yet.”

Relief washes over you almost immediately at his teasing response, and you reach out to slap his shoulder. He lets out a hiss and rubs the tender area while shooting you a playful glare, “Is this how you try to get people to come to your birthday parties? If so, this tactic is not good.”

You chuckle and nudge him with your knee, feeling a bit more serious as you ask, “Will you come, Jeonghan?”

“Do you want me there?” Jeonghan asks in response, and you feel your heart leap in your chest at the question. It reminds you too much of the past, when he didn’t believe that you would suddenly want him back in your life.

“Always.” You whisper, and the two of you stare into each other’s eyes for a moment. It’s almost like that day in the hospital when you were caught secretly surprising Jisoo, where all these unsaid words were spoken through your gazes alone.

Jeonghan’s the first to break eye contact, and he safely tucks away your invitation into the pocket of his jacket. It’s when he’s sure that your invitation is safe in his pocket that he finally looks back up at you, and a smile takes over your features when he softly says,

“Then I’ll be there.”

“Yn! Come on, we’re about to bring out the cake!” You hear your mom call out to you, but your gaze is locked on your front door as you wait for Jeonghan to come. Yeji squeezes your knee from beside you, and you turn to look at her, just to see a reassuring smile on her face as she tells you, “I’m sure he’s on his way, don’t worry.”

“He promised he’d come.” You choke out, feeling panic rise in your chest as all the possibilities flood your thoughts.

Maybe you were wrong all this time and you weren’t truly helping Jeonghan. What if he was just acting? Like he was just pretending to be okay in front of you so that you wouldn’t worry? What if you couldn’t change his mind after all?

What if I couldn’t change the past? You think to yourself, feeling a lump form in your throat as you contemplate leaving your own birthday party to go and find Jeonghan.

It’s when you’re about to jump up from the couch to sprint out the door that you see the knob of your front door turn, and tears immediately flood your eyes when you see that familiar head of lilac colored hair enter your house. You quickly stand up from the couch and run over to him, “Yoon Jeonghan!”

The man in question gives you a sheepish smile as he holds out the bouquet of flowers in his hand, “I’m sorry I’m late! I was having a hard time picking out what flowers to give you, so I had to get my mom to come with me and—”

His words are cut off when you suddenly throw your arms around him in a tight embrace, and he can only blink in shock when you let out a shaky breath into the side of his neck. He slowly wraps his arms around your frame, “Does this mean you’re not mad?”

You shake your head as you try to stop the tears from falling past your eyes when you tell him, “No, never. As long as you’re here, that’s all that matters to me.”

When you finally pull away, you take the bouquet of flowers from his grasp with a small smile. He watches fondly as you lean down to smell the petals, and he chuckles when your eyes widen in surprise at the smell.

“Oh my God, they actually smell really good! Usually flowers just smell like… earth.” You say, and he nods his head. “I remembered that you had a sensitive nose, so I wanted to get you a bouquet that actually smelled nice.”

Your heart thumps against your chest at the fact that he remembered such a small detail about you, and you smile widely at him. You’re about to ask him if he wants to help you pick out a vase to put the flowers in when you suddenly hear,

“Yn! It’s cake time!”

Jeonghan’s eyes widen when he sees your parents beginning to light the candles on your birthday cake, and he quickly grasps your hand and pulls you towards the table where all your loved ones are gathered. You let out a laugh as he places you in the seat directly in front of the birthday cake while taking the bouquet of flowers and placing it on the kitchen counter.

You watch as he moves awkwardly to stand beside your mother on the other side of the table, and you have to hold back your laughter when she fusses over him and makes the pretty boy sit in the seat directly across from you. The two of you look into each other’s eyes, and he pretends to move to blow out your candles, to which you shoot him a glare.

“Okay, time to sing happy birthday!” Your father announces, and you shyly smile as everyone around you begins to sing you happy birthday.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!”

You giggle at your loved ones as they sing loudly around you, and you raise a hand up to your face as you feel warmth flood your face. Yeji wraps her arms around you from the seat beside you, and you rest your head on top of hers as you clap your hands to the beat of everyone’s singing. Your gaze falls on Jeonghan, and you smile softly when you see the look of warmth in his eyes as he sings directly to you.

“Happy birthday dear yn, happy birthday to you!”

“Okay honey, make a wish.” Your mom says with a big smile, her phone held up towards you as she takes a video. Yeji releases you from her embrace, and you fix your posture as you look into the camera with a grin. You glance around the room to see all your loved ones waiting with excited smiles on their faces for you to blow out the candles, and you feel nothing but happiness when your gaze trails over to Jeonghan sitting in front of you.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment, and you silently thank everything in this world for allowing you to have this moment. This chance to change the past and bring back the person that means the most to you in this world. The chance for Yoon Jeonghan to live out the rest of his beautiful life.

He gives you a warm smile and gestures towards the candles that are burning on top of your cake, ready to be wished upon. The corners of your lips quirk upwards at the sight, and you close your eyes as you silently wish,

I wish for Yoon Jeonghan to live a long and happy life.

And with that, you open your eyes and blow out the candles.

You tiptoe down the hallway and press your ear to your parents’ bedroom door, confirming whether or not they’re fast asleep. A grin forms on your face when you can hear the loud sound of your father’s snores, and you turn back down the hallway to shoot Jeonghan a thumbs up.

You sneak the pretty boy into your room, and quietly shut your bedroom door while Jeonghan grabs a pillow off your bed and plops down onto the floor. A smile forms on your lips at the sight of Jeonghan laying on your floor dressed in a pair of sweats and your old oversized middle school gym shirt.

“Damn, your parents fall asleep early.” Jeonghan murmurs from your floor, and you snort as you step over to your bed and pull off the throw blanket. “Tell me about it. They’re like an elderly couple who sleeps at 6 pm.”

You toss the blanket onto Jeonghan’s frame, and he gives you his thanks as he unfolds it and lays it over himself. Letting out a sigh, you take your other pillow off your bed and toss it down on the empty space beside Jeonghan’s head.

You plop yourself down onto the floor alongside the pretty boy, and he immediately adjusts the blanket so that it’s covering you as well. A comfortable silence falls over the two of you as the moonlight shines in through your bedroom window, illuminating your room in a soft light.

“How do you feel being 18?” Jeonghan asks after a moment, with the two of you staring up at your white ceiling.

“It feels great.”

“Yeah, I agree. I’ve been 18 for months already, so I would know.” Jeonghan teases, and you roll your eyes. You gently nudge him in the ribs after a moment, eliciting a laugh from the pretty boy beside you.

“What did you wish for? It looked like you were really concentrating.” Jeonghan asks, and you turn your head to find him already staring at you. Warmth floods your face immediately at the close proximity between the two of you, while Jeonghan just smiles.

“Hi.”

“Now that we’ve got our greetings out of the way, tell me what you wished for.” He says, rolling onto his side so that he’s facing you. You chuckle and turn your gaze back up towards the ceiling, “You’re a nosy bastard. You know that saying whatever you wished for does not come true.”

“Well, if you just say one word of what you wished for, then it’s technically not saying the whole wish.”

“What if your wish was just one word?”

“Then that’s a lame wish.” You let out a laugh at his fast response, making a warm smile form on Jeonghan’s lips. Turning to him, you see him waiting expectantly for you to tell him your wish, and you let out a breath as you turn your head back up towards the ceiling.

You blink up at the white ceiling, before finally whispering,

“You.”

“Hm?”

“I wished for you.” You murmur quietly, turning your head so that you’re facing Jeonghan again. He blinks at your words, and a small smile forms on his lips.

Jeonghan’s different now. There’s little sight of the exhaustion that used to heavily weigh him down when you first traveled back in time—from the dark bags under his eyes, to the emptiness in his gaze whenever he had looked at you. Instead, there’s a sparkle to his eyes that you’ve never seen before, a sight that you can almost get lost in if you look for too long.

And there’s that emotion in his gaze whenever he stares into your eyes, the one you haven’t been able to make out for the last three months.

You feel your heart stop in your chest when Jeonghan slowly leans in after a moment, and you let your eyelids flutter shut when he presses a featherlight kiss to your forehead. You open your eyes to find him staring at you with a content smile on his face after he pulls back, and your heart soars when you finally decipher the emotion that was in Jeonghan’s eyes all this time.

Love. It was love.

“Happy Birthday, yn.” Jeonghan whispers as his eyes begin to close, and you watch as he lets his battle with sleep win. You smile softly as you reach out and tuck a strand of his lilac hair behind his ear, allowing yourself to drink in this beautiful sight.

“I love you, Yoon Jeonghan.” You murmur, your eyelids becoming droopier by the second as you stare at the precious boy sleeping beside you.

The last thing you see before the heavy blanket of sleep pulls you under, is the sight of Jeonghan sitting in front of you as you softly blow out your birthday candle.

Your eyes slowly flutter open as the sunlight shines onto your eyes through your curtains, and you let out a groan at the sight, turning over so that you can hide your face from the light. You feel your blood run cold, however, when you realize that the curtains you saw weren’t the pink ones from your childhood bedroom, but the blackout curtains from your apartment.

You sit up in your bed with wide eyes, frantically looking around your room as you realize that you’re back in your apartment bedroom. Blinking away the exhaustion in your eyes, you reach out and grab your phone from your bedside table, tears immediately flooding your eyes when you see the present date shine back up at you.

April 21st, 2022

It’s the day after your 21st birthday.

Tears fall from your eyes as you set your phone down, and you cover your face with your hands as sobs begin to wrack through your whole body at the fact that it was a dream. It was all just a drunken dream you had.

But it was real. It all felt too real for it to just be a dream.

You let out a pained laugh as you wipe away the tears falling from your eyes, hugging your knees close to your chest as grief floods you. You wonder if this was Jeonghan’s way of trying to give you closure after you’ve been wishing for him on every birthday of yours for years.

“It feels like I’m going through the five stages of grief again, though.” You murmur as you glance at your bedside table and see the birthday card your 12 friends gave you last night. Letting out a shaky breath, you reach out and pick it up, your eyes trailing over the birthday messages they had written for you.

A sad smile escapes you as you stare at the dark birthday candle drawing, no longer lit up like it was the night before. You silently wonder if the batteries have already died while reaching your hands up in an attempt to wipe your wet cheeks. However, the tears continue to slowly trail down your face, the overwhelming feeling of grief consuming you. Letting out a shaky breath, you're about to close the card when your eyes land on the once empty space in the top corner of the card.

You blink, then blink again as you reread the message written.

Happy 21st Birthday, yn. You can finally legally drink with me instead of me having to buy you alcohol, cause, you know, I’m older than you ;)

Here’s to many more birthdays by each other’s side. I love you.

Love, Jeonghan

Your heart begins to pound against your chest as you stare down at the birthday message in complete and utter disbelief. You’re about to rub your eyes to see if your exhausted brain is just messing with you, when you pause at the sound of Minghao’s voice coming from outside of your bedroom.

“They’re still asleep? Maybe we went too crazy at karaoke.”

Your head snaps up when you hear a familiar pretty laugh in response to Minghao’s joke, and you practically fall off your bed when you hear his voice reply, “I’m not surprised. Seungcheol was going crazy with the drinking games.”

When your hand reaches the doorknob, you throw open the door with teary eyes, and you suck in a breath when you find yourself face to face with a surprised Minghao and a 21 year old Jeonghan.

His pretty, long blonde hair that he adorned in high school is now back to its natural shade of black. It’s cut a bit shorter, but it’s still long enough to cover his eyes slightly. His eyes are bright as they stare into yours, albeit laced with some surprise at your outburst.

A warm smile forms on his face when he sees your bedhead, and his soft voice calls out, “Honey, you’re finally awake—”

The rest of his sentence is cut off when you rush over and jump into his arms, clinging onto him tightly as he blinks in surprise. Tears fall from your eyes when you feel his arms wrap around you, his hand reaching up to rest on the back of your neck as he lets out a soft laugh.

“Good morning to you too, yn.”

You pull back with a light laugh, and his eyes lace with concern when he sees the tears falling from your eyes as you look at him. His hands trail up and cup your face, wiping away the tears on your cheeks as you just stare at him in awe.

“Honey? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Jeonghan asks worriedly, and he shoots a worried glance at Minghao as your friend steps away to go and get you a box of tissues.

You just smile brightly at him as you wipe away the tears in your eyes so that you can see the love of your life standing before you clearly. Your heart thumps against your chest at the sight of his beautiful brown eyes, so full of life and adoration as they bore into yours. You giggle and shrug your shoulders, reaching up and tenderly tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Yn?” Jeonghan asks, the concern beginning to melt away when he sees the pure happiness in your gaze as you look at him. He chuckles in amusement, and leans into your hand, kissing the inside of your wrist as he murmurs, “Are you still drunk? Or just happy to see me?”

And you feel warmth flood your face as you whisper,

“I’m just happy to see that all my wishes have finally come true.”

ミ★ taglist: @sunlightwoo @aurenvoire @dreamerhaos @brinnalaine @minluvly @wonunuu @suhfluffy @shuajeong @kuromieiie @seoulbinz @minghao-will-be-the-death-of-me @miruac @jaeyuni @sunflowergyeomie @cheolliehugs @smileyjimvn @sukisdeliveryservice @a-vian @kodzumo @dwcljh @hanniehaeism @taeguk-munchkin @w8nuzone @jeonncafe @semicolorn @haonysus @adoreateez @anissanightyoung @serenadesvt @linhyyboo12 @junjungsunwoo @kthpurplesyou @vibecheckvernon @changbinworld @xupiire @sonje78 @mybbtaeyong4thewin @chwesbaby @soobin-chois @bibinnieposts @laylasbunbunny

ミ★ sequel: dear dream

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