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just-a-carrot · 1 month

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Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

oh gosh what a question ldkjfadl

hmmmm

putting this under a cut because it got long and rambly lakdfa

for me personally i don't think i've ever made that many "right" choices when it comes to how i handle my online presence in game dev, it was mostly just me doing what seemed like the right thing to do at the time. it's also changed a lot all throughout my time as a dev

tho i guess the main thing is that i did create a whole new game dev online identity, so to speak, when i first got into game dev. this wasn't really due to any purposeful thought put into it though and was more just because 1) i didn't really have much online identity anyway at the time and 2) in the beginning i was trying to be more "professional" LOL

when i released easter, i did it without any presence at all. i had no accounts or anything. i literally just finished the game and threw it up on itch and gamejolt using the new studio name i had come up with based on an inside work joke. it wasn't until i started to get a few people talking about the game or linking to it/making vids that i was like hmmm i should have a twitter maybe LOL so like a week later i made a twitter. but i barely posted on it, it was just responding to other people. a year later when i released the 2.0 update i also made a few posts. then thought i might start using it more so started posting just a few random updates of new stuff i was trying out/working on (this was when i made my first couple of posts about early OW stuff)

but then when i shifted out of game dev again for a while, i abandoned it

it wasn't until august of 2021 that i began actively using my account again to post production updates for work on ow. but back then i was a lot more "emotionless" for lack of a better word. like i approached it in a more no-nonsense way than i do today. i also never got that much response from it either, usually lucky to get like 2 or 3 likes on stuff 🤣 over the course of that first year or so though i would change a lot in how i handled my online stuff, acting much more like myself, interacting a lot more with people, and getting increasingly more unhinged(???) LOL perhaps because i'd begun to see that being "super professional" when i'm just a little random person making a game all by myself there's no reason to be so stiff (and it's just much more fun and genuine to not be afraid to be myself and be a bit silly). over this time was also when i'd shift away from using my studio name and just taking the "carrot" identity. because i realized i didn't like people thinking about me as an impersonal studio and wanted to just be me, carrot, interacting with people, making games, and getting unhinged about my chars and stories

is this the right way to do it???? i have no idea. but perhaps since i never have any aspirations of grandeur and don't plan to be any kind of business, it's fine for me. and while it's true that i don't like to post, reblog, interact with, content unrelated to my games or other VN stuff, that's mostly because i don't want to annoy people who i know only follow me for game stuff (i worry about annoying people a lot, actually, it might be one of the core foundations for how i handle myself online LMAO). i don't have any other presence online though. once i started my game dev stuff, carrot became me, and it's all that's out there. so it's not like i need to "separate" anything. but also i'm not a very avid user of social media in general so it's not like i have an active desire to have different accounts so i can tweet about or comment on other stuff lakdjfasd i'm an old socially anxious duck who gets mentally exhausted just scrolling my feed. i don't need to spend any more time online than i already do with my game dev stuff hahaha. i do know some other devs though for instance that have private accounts on twitter just for their friends and more personal thoughts. so that's always an option too

as for what you should do in your own situation with your own online presence, i'm not really sure, as it all comes down to what you want. for me, since i didn't have much presence anyway, and because i wanted my game dev stuff to be its own thing, it made sense for me to create a new presence just for game dev (that eventually evolved into my entire self LKDJFAS). so it's hard for me to say what would be the best course of action if you already have an online presence that forms a core part of your identity that you don't want to lose. it also depends on what you want to eventually do with your games and if you see yourself really wanting to pursue it actively and make it a big part of your life. most devs that i know do have "game dev" presences for lack of a better word, where if you go to their accounts, it's just for game dev. or they create studios and studio accounts. i think no matter what you decide to do, even if you keep the name the same, it would probably be best to at least keep your game dev stuff separate, because people could potentially be put off from following an account for games but then their feed gets filled with a lot of non-game stuff from you that they don't care about

no matter what you decide to do though, i recommend being yourself no matter what. whether you keep with your same identity or craft a new game dev only one, still do what feels right for you on that account and be yourself and have fun with it!! game dev can already be such an isolating and hard experience, so creating a space where you can be silly and have fun with other devs and fun with your chars and ideas can really help so much to give you motivation and just enjoy your time creating games!!!

(sorry if this was a complete ramble that didn't even still fully answer the question; i can only speak from my own personal experiences that i went through after all and i don't really have any good or professional answers since i also have no idea what i'm doing most of the time 🤣)

#ask: other #ask: game dev

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wasyago · 9 months

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I would like to know what your boundaries are when it comes to interacting with you.

are you ok with requests or questions that don’t have to do with your works

are you ok with receiving headcanons that are not relevant to or may contradict with what you already have

how many asks are you comfortable with receiving at one time.

Are there other things that you want us to know about fan interaction that I didn’t think to ask about

hmm oh man no one has really asked this before... i think as a disclaimer i need to say that im pretty bad at replying to asks, and half of them get ignored and deleted because i either forget about them and get too anxious to reply, or just don't know how to reply and never do.

i dont really do art requests, so if anyone sends one it will most likely be ignored, and if its not related to what im posting it'll be ignored 100%. there are some exceptions of it, but i still don't appreciate people asking me to draw anything for free. i suppose i don't mind questions about stuff outside of my work! no one really asks anything so i don't have a good example of it, plus it all really depends on the context, but if its good I'll reply and if its something i dont like I'll just ignore it. so, same as with everything i guess, so those are okay 👍

about headcanons hmmm... not sure? i dont know how to properly reply to them if its not something im into apart from "oh thats interesting" and "nice". like, i don't really wanna say stuff like "that cool but i personally think that you're wrong and here are the reasons--" and take someone's headcanon apart? it just feels rude? even if i do process the headcanon in my brain and there's a thought process of how it fits or doesn't fit into my beliefs, i don't really want to say it out lound to not upset anyone? but saying all this, it is still nice to see headcanons from different people and different perspectives, to have some variety of views and opinions and more diversity. because you never know what you might like. so, i think all headcanons are good, if i know how to reply to them i will, and if i don't then i won't!

how many asks am i comfortable receiving umm, well, i don't have an exact number picked hsghd. i guess as many as you want if you really have a lot to ask? i do appreciate it when people keep asks topical tho. so, if you're asking about one particular thing, it'd be nice if it was all in one ask that is easy to reply to. and if you're asking about multiple different things it's better to send multiple short asks instead of a big one. because its hard to reply to billion unrelated questions in one post. so for example your ask is good because all the questions are on the same subject, but if you asked me about the weather halfway through and then swithed to an ask about jrwi, that i wouldn't reply to, yknow?

for other things... i already said about the art requests, which are like the main thing i really don't like. i guess some things are better asked in dm's than asks, if that's anything? especially if it's something more personal to you or requires an actual dialog, but i can see why it might be easier to send an ask first and move to dm's later, so its not a problem. hmmmm and i suppose just the general stuff, like don't send suggestive asks if i don't know you or you weren't clearly prompted to, don't be mean to me or others, even as a joke it doesn't feel good, remember that im just a random guy on the internet, im not a robot i have feelings, so talk to me like a person, don't spam the same question if i didn't answer it, etc.

i think that's it? thank you for asking!!

#yagotalk

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lilrobinbird · 3 months

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Long Ass Tag Game

Cause I wanna get to know you guys better

Thanks for the tag @edas-boytoy <33 Putting this under cut

I accidently wrote looong answer for one question shdhs

How many tumblr accounts have you had before this one?

It's my first one actually haha, I've made like two/three more after this but now they're abandoned forever

Also for this blog I have two sideblogs, I don't really use them now either

How long have you been in fandom?

Like the current one? By the end of July 2023 I posted my first Kyoshi novels fanart and maybe one month earlier I started rebloging and commenting on posts from others, this was after I read the novels and I jumped into their fandom and then in the procces I've also got into tlok and atla (I enjoyed them way earlier but I just didn't participate in their fandoms)

Your favorite trope in fiction?

HMMMmmm Grumpy serious stoick ish x chaotic more fun (and other antonyms that matches first character idk) (whatever heituat has going on))), expressive women with strong personalities, girlfailures<3, severe stern ruthless etcetc women but caring deep down inside (optional), morally gray characters, and I'm just a little obssesed with mother daughter relationships in fiction if that counts as a trope

Your favorite random fact?

That might be well known idk, but sometimes for a video game character they'll hire one person as only just face model, and then differnt person as voice and acting/motion capture

Must feel weird and funny when you basically see yourself in video game doing stuff you didn't do speaking with a different voice

Your favorite game or kind of game?

Now I don't really play video games myself but since I've watched Until Dawn gameplay yeaaaars ago I still like to watch playthroughts of those choice based horror games (the quarry, devil in me, resident evil etc), and later I watch other playthroughts for different choices outcomes scenes etcetccc, The games can be kinda stupid but fun, alsooo playthroughts of adventure games(???), I usually watch them when I eat something

Also CHECK OUT "STRAY"!! I only watched playthrought too but it looks so cool, you basically play as a cat (they did good job with motion capture, feels like real cat moves and it looks so fun to play) and you're in a world when humans no longer exist and there are cool looking robots, you can stratch walls and make robots pet you but I promise it's not just that lolol it has an actual plot and wordbuilding

Aside video games I like chess but I suck big time, but for my defence I mostly played with my friend who sucks even more aHA, we downlanded one chess app for two players and played during some classes

I think I'm just interested in 3d models and graphics hehhh I like 3d modeling

There's also a game called Hades, and this one I actually started playing myself, not the kind of games I'm usually into (roguelike),but friend got me it and! The character designs are very cool

HA nerd long anwser

A place you'd like to visit? (If carbon emissions, logistics and money weren't in question)

Honestly idk, somewhere warm, Greece? Spain would be nice too mmm mm architecture

Or someplace with cool mountains

An animal you're irrationally afraid of?

Ladybugs. No further explenations. But I do appreciate their beauty on photos and from big distance, I'm serious they are very pretty

What's your favorite season?

HMmmm currenlty maybe spring

A smell that brings you nice memories?

I still remember taking a breath of fresh spring air in a specific room last year and getting hit with memories lol, is that even a smell? felt like a smell

(If you're ok talking about food. If not, delete this part)

What's your favorite food from where you were born? And what's your favorite food from some place else?

Pierogi, krokiety and bigos from our stupid potatoland, from other places hmmm, most kinds of pasta maybe, I love pasta, pasta!! which is a little boring but mmmmm mm mmmm pastaaaaa

What's your favorite drink (if you drink alcohol, alcoholic and non-alcoholic)?

I do drink but not too often and I don't really care what, I like flavoured beer, which is alcohol for babies as my friend would say and she might be right but I like it

Do you give your pets random table scraps?

Not too often but sometimes yeah and depends what is it

no pressure tag @korrasamibottles

#tag game

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hoshigray · 10 months

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I love your writing and art 🥹🥹 do you have any tips for beginners?

D'awww thanks, noonie (*´∀`*) it means so much to hear that from you! And hmmmm any tips...

For writing: if you got an idea, write it down. But don't write down all your ideas in the same space as Tumblr drafts (that's how you end up with so many WIPs that you can't finish, lmao). Instead, write them down on a notepad or notes app to look back on later. If you're not feeling with a current idea, then scrape it for later (or delete it/give it to someone else) and move on to the next one that does pique your interest.

Also, don't be scared to ask for help from other writers! There's so much info and resources meant to be shared with others; everyone should be helping each other out. So if you feel stumped, please ask anyone willing to walk you through a step or a scene you're trying to depict.

For drawing: drawing every day was one of the biggest things that ever helped me with my art when I began to take it seriously. If you wish to improve your work, try challenging yourself to draw daily. It doesn't have to be perfect; just a simple sketch or two should suffice. And if you don't like the drawing you did one day, don't worry about it! You can always go back on it the next :3

Another tip would be not to look at how other people do things (sketching, rendering, anatomy, etc.) and feel you're doing it wrong. Art is a personal process for everybody, so you're bound to create your own ways to make things happen. But if you notice another method and want to try it, go for it! You might like that way better than what you're used to.

Wow, I rambled on, lmao. But I like helping others and I hope this was helpful!! (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡

#Hoshi ✩ atomic asks #Hoshi ✩ hypergalaxy help #sorry i forgot to post this!! it was in my drafts but I had an art comm to take care of

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andyridgeley · 5 years

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day n night i’m just nostalgic about my apartment life aesthetic don’t mind me

#i liked my hair like this but sometimes i think hmmmm nah too long too much #when i have long hair i want short when i have short i want long ya feel??#when i have light frame glasses i want dark when i have dark frames i want light UGh #and sometimes i think huh what would i look like with makeup on and if i ever actually tried when i got ready #or if i ever did my hair #but then i think hmmm better not we good #personal thingys #completely unprompted i'm just feeling it fuck i need to move out i miss this life #oi it's me #i might delete these later i always say i'm gonna delete selfies later but am too lazy to do it hmm

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drmazel · 3 years

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do not fucking reblog I swear to god.

I'll just say this once bc it's on my mind and fuck it, I'll delete it later if it bothers me that much. I don't know if anyone has ever noticed my complete lack of sharing ace pride or positivity posts. that's very deliberate. and maybe people would cry aphobia about it or whatever but here's the thing: I'm asexual and Ive known this for hmmmm about seven or eight years now. and at first I was super into the positivity and shit but as time went on and I got deeper into the community on this free webbed site I just saw hostility and toxicity and homo/lesbo/biphobia and racism and sexism and I had to separate myself from it because I saw myself at the very beginning of going down that path. my first and pretty much only exposure to the idea of asexuality was through tumblr and I may never truly let go of the label because the truth is it does feel like a good fit. it's not an issue with the identity itself, obviously. it's an issue of the people that promote and defend it in literally the worst possible ways.

I have a questioning mind that refuses to accept "that's the way things are/should be" flat out. I could not try to dig deeper and figure out why people in the vocal ace community say what they say without getting attacked for it because clearly I was a bigoted asshole for not accepting that they're (we're) uwu valid. I never got the chance to try. and obviously not everyone is damaging and toxic, but the thing is? I almost exclusively see what I believe to be toxic rhetoric spread around with little questioning or criticism. which completely removes my own opportunity to learn how actually it's not toxic rhetoric, at worst maybe misplaced or poorly worded, but not harmful. possibly because anyone who might have the mind to do so (without being equally toxic or damaging, I am talking about people with true good intentions) is often viciously attacked. I don't care if it's a defense mechanism. my opinion and subsequently this post are a defense mechanism right the fuck back.

so yeah. I cut myself completely off and it's probably going to be like that for as long as I have the brain rot I currently have to remain active on this site. I'll never demean asexuality because, like I said, that's me! I'm asexual! but I am constantly critical of the community that embarrasses and damages my own image of myself in the alleged interest of representing me. my own pride has been brutally murdered and so I really can't share similar pride shit because it just gives me a memory that makes me feel sick to my stomach if I think about it too hard.

I wonder how many people out there are like me. ashamed of being asexual not for the experience itself, but for the vocal community at large that diminishes our pride and self-validation through hostility towards the people we are supposed to be standing in solidarity with. we couldn't make our own space without being attacked. we cannot include ourselves because by simply having any kind of discussion in pursuit of actually trying to understand our own lives and experiences and community, we are violently pushed away.

idk. this probably doesn't make sense and maybe I am actually alone in feeling like this and maybe this whole mindset makes me a bad person. I can't find out because I am being discouraged to learn. makes me a little sad but. for a few years now I've been getting by by just not acknowledging that aspect of my life. excluded and silenced by a community that tries to represent me, but only represents some idea of me that doesn't exist because they believe my actual self threatens their impression of my existence.

(and you know to tie it all up with a reminder since this was lengthy, don't reblog this. hopefully it's clear enough that I've possibly been mildly traumatized by how the vocal tumblr ace community handles people that criticize them, even if it's from someone that's supposed to be one of their own.)

#this will almost certainly get deleted later #if this bothers you feel free to unfollow idk and tbh idc #just maybe do a nice long think about why youre bothered by an ace person talking about the shame of their identity #because of the way the community at large handles itself #and take BIG notes about how i really tried to be clear that this is about the community at large and not about individuals

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retphienix · 3 years

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There are so many fucking games I want to play for the blog and I hypothetically have the time, but the energy, the attention span, the drive?

In more positive terms here are some various titles I plan to give a shot for the blog.

Let's do a 5am state of the blog kind of thing to clear some thoughts, eh?

Morrowind (Current Game ramble)

For the moment the blog is more or less on break with me playing Morrowind ""For the blog"" but mostly for me, because that's just a game I've wanted to explore. Not that every other game on the blog isn't that, just that I looked at Morrowind and said "That'll be a terrible game to present naturally. That's a stream game, or a condensed video, not a liveblog" and then did it anyway.

I'm loving Morrowind! Honestly the sense of mystery, fantasy, and adventure is just chef kiss levels of perfect to me.

But it's terrible in a photoset, I'm not particularly interested in doing another format for the game, and it's a game with less 'intense narrative themes!' and more 'Incredibly different game design compared to modern Bethesda' in terms of discussion material and let's all be real here:

We're all fucking tired of that conversation lol.

So there ain't much to talk on in depth, it's more of a "Here's a newbie seeing new things!" playthrough with nothing to talk about after the fact, which ain't a strong point for the blog- again- that's a stream/video kind of thing.

ANYWHO- Morrowind fun, about the only news I can offer on that series is that it might abruptly end and become a 'for me' series because I'm not particularly interested in beating the game nearly as much as I'm interested in exploring aimlessly and seeing what happens.

I'm not playing Morrowind for the end goal of beating the main quest, or beating the DLCs. I'm playing it to wander into caves and find new pants, so if I reach a point where I'm satisfied with what I've shared and my motivation has not borne a new end goal then I'll end the live blog and move on to a new game :P

Backlog

The short statement I'll make is that this blog is a hell for my backlog.

Even without infinite money on hand I've ended up with so many physical and digital games just sitting here waiting to be played either because they caught my eye or because of recommendations by various people over the years.

I keep sitting down, cataloguing my backlog, realizing it's pointless to catalog, deleting it all, and then starting over yet again.

The fact is, if anyone recommended it it's probably still sitting in a text document somewhere, or physically on my shelf, and I don't remotely know when I'll get to it.

I've yet to hit the point where I decide to turn this blog into work, so I have never sat down and gone "Well, Retphienix NEEDS to post! Sit down, 8-12 hours minimum, let's play the next game!"

And part of me wishes I'd do that, but the fact is this isn't a job. There's no money here, there's the opposite even! I don't remotely see it that way, but if you squint and tilt your head I've spent a lot of money on this blog over the years.

Capture devices (a lot of them!), consoles specifically bought for the blog, controllers out the wazoo, I've gone through multiple computers for this thing, and the games, my lord the games- so many games.

And that's fiscally, what about manpower? So many hours have gone into this blog, so many hours poured into the background of making all this work, researching shit, putting my all into formulating my opinions clearly for posts, writing, hell video shit even though it's mostly clips as my one step into edited content became an impromptu awkward hiatus from doing more lol.

What was I on about.

Despite all that nonsense, Retphienix is a passion project. Not a job.

If I lack the passion in some sense then the work doesn't get done "just for the sake of the work". And I don't mean lost passion as much as "No motivation on x day; tired on y day; interested in doing something else on z day" etc.

If things aren't clickin' I don't force it, so the blog has all this backlog and isn't put together in a way that facilitates burning through it quickly.

I do sometimes wish things were different though, I know I'd still enjoy such a playstyle, but I can't justify "faking it til you make it" in a format that literally isn't built to pay and was never intended to.

I can't work myself for nothin'.

Hypothetical "Next" games

While the backlog is a wild wasteland of titles, there are some that just kinda guarantee their spots sooner rather than later.

Yakuza 6 and 7 along with Judgment, obviously. The series is one of my all time favorites and I generally have some of my absolute most fun on the blog side of things with those games, so it's a winner on two fronts. It's just fun to react to, post out of context things for, and talk with other fans about and for whatever reason tumblr has a healthy enough fanbase for the series that my meager blog gets some attention there.

Dragon Quest has a strangely weighted chance all things considered. DQ has many of the same advantages as Yakuza- it's a series I adore, it's fun to talk about in this format, and the fandom is big enough to occasionally spill my way making the blogging experience a bit more fun. It's also a series where I don't know what'd come next to be fair. Probably DQ4? I mean, might as well continue on from that point since I have 1-3 done. I can't exactly justify replaying the entirety of DQ11 no matter how much I want to! Turning on the games above gave me DQ goosebumps which kinda settled how likely it is to show up sooner rather than later, lol.

Jeez. I looked at one of my surviving lists and that's like all that's popping out at me.

Other series feel like giant leaps with no gas in the tank, like do I want to start playing Kingdom Hearts? Not really, not right now. Do I finally play Lisa? Eeeeeeh. Persona? Hmmmm.

I haven't the fuzziest. There are so many one off interesting titles, but if the drive ain't there they might as well be textbooks.

Perhaps instead of any major next game I'll just do some afternoons exploring random titles for a bit here and there with no intention of beating em.

The idea is enticing as hell, but the feeling of not giving the game's a "real shake" feels bad.

We'll see. The only certainties seem to be Yakuza and DQ, as much as I'd prefer far more.

Side project hypotheticals

Outside of the basic live blog stuff I'm still interested in exploring scripted stuff. Mostly to prove to myself that I can overcome some anxieties and break from the meandering pace the last effort gave- I can write! That much I know! So just gotta trick myself into writing for a video and then make the video after the fact lol.

Current thoughts are on a video exploring the monster taming sub-genre. It's a genre near and dear to my heart, and one I know some weird things about as is- but mostly it's a genre I KNOW I know very little about despite that, so I'd like to give it an overall look, or perhaps just explore some random entries, I haven't a clue lol. I'd mostly like an opportunity to talk about some interesting entries in the genre, things like explaining my adoration for DWM while explaining how the flaws make it really rough today, or the interesting mash of genres that is Lost Magic, or the more modern take that mashes idle-like mechanics with Siralim Ultimate.

Won't lie, playing the demo for Monster Hunter Stories 2 threw a wrench in that plan because it made me want to talk about it and how the genre might have a new breath of life after really grinding to a halt as pokemon became what it is today, but all to be seen or not lol.

As far as other things like streams? Not really.

The concept of writing a bit more on games is tickling the back of my head lately, but that mostly just means "more posts that aren't live-blogging" as I haven't the fuzziest where I'd share such nonsense.

Really it's all up in the air as far as retphienix content is concerned, beyond the live blogging obviously.

5am closing

It's fun to explore what games have to offer, both on the individual level, the personal level, and as a whole- as a medium.

So I like Retphienix.

And I like all I've made here.

I hope to continue for a long, long time- no matter what future formats might look like.

#Retphienix

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mcwriting · 5 years

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starstruck (2)

Heyyyyyy so I stuck to my word lol.

I’m basically unable to function after seeing far from home this evening but also it was so good. I teared up when tom did and my mom made fun of me but its okay because his acting was awesome! Highly recommend y’all see it (even tho ik you probably will if you haven’t already lol)

Ps this is my first time linking one post to another so please lmk if it doesn’t work, but if it’s not, you’ll always be able to access this through my starstruck tag!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Fandom: Tommo Holland

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader eventually

Setting: LA

Word Count: 1386 (lol it’s shorter this time srry)

Warnings: i actually don’t think there’s any here, but lmk if there should be

Rating: K+ still

Background: part 2 of my DCOM inspired fic

B/f/n: your best friend’s name

__________________________________

Previously on starstruck...

The faint remains of his cologne wafted to your nose and you couldn’t help but breathe it in. You relaxed further into his grip and stayed comfortable until you heard a buzz on the table next to you.

You decided to ignore it until it happened two more times. Finally, you decided to wiggle out of Tom’s grip and succeeded without waking him. You picked up the cell and noticed it was 10 a.m. and all three texts were from b/f/n

Hey I’m coming over

I’ll bring ice cream since you said you weren’t doing too hot yesterday

I’m on my way

“No. No, no, nonoNO,” you exclaimed, getting louder and louder, causing Tom to sleepily ask,

“Could you keep it down, darling?”

“No, I can’t ‘keep it down,’ Thomas, because b/f/n is ON HER WAY HERE!”

“What!?”

He sat up fully awake.

“We have to get you out of here without her seeing, and she’s probably gonna be here in like 5 minutes.”

Tom rushed to get up and find his keys that were in the pocket of his discarded jacket while you hurried to brush your hair and take a makeup wipe to your face.

You clambered down the stairs and hurried Tom through the kitchen and into the laundry room when you heard the doorbell ring, and when you didn’t answer in apt time, it began ringing like crazy.

Panic stuck your chest and you looked at Tom.

“Open the garage and leave in 5 minutes, then text me so I can close it.” You commanded, beginning to walk towards the entryway.

“Wait, wait,” he grabbed your arm, “I don’t have your number!”

You scrawled it down on a sticky note and ran, hoping he would get out safely and quickly. You opened the door to find b/f/n holding two pints of ice cream, raspberry sorbet for you and coffee ice cream for herself.

“My gosh what took you so long? I about started searching for the spare key with all these goods melting.”

You were about to reply when the door between the garage and utility room shut loudly.

“Uh, who was that?” she asked, knowing your parents were at work.

“Oh, uh, a friend from dance. We’re working on a piece together and we decided to talk about it last night since I hurt my head,” you lied.

B/f/n furrowed her brows for a second before letting it go and coming inside to set up your typical movie day in the living room. Meanwhile, you headed back to the kitchen to grab spoons and check your phone, where a new number had sent a message.

I’m out so you’re good to close the door. Thanks again for the great night ;)

You smiled and sent back

That makes it sound soooo much worse than what really happened haha. You made it out without suspicion too :)

You decided to put his number in as a contact, disguising him as “Clara Twinkletoes” after a joke made late into the previous night, then headed to the living room.

__________________________________

After finishing one movie and your separate ice creams, you both decided to take a break and were looking at your phones.

“Hey, I know you hate talking about Tom Holland,” you gave a side-eyed glance to the bringing up of his name, “but guess what? He liked my picture last night! I just remembered to tell you!”

B/f/n held up her phone to show you the notification, then went back to staring at it excitedly.

“That’s actually really cool. I’m happy for you,” you expressed, leaving out the fact that you had asked Tom to like it when you were talking about the post at 1 a.m.

A few minutes later, b/f/n breathed out a soft “woah.”

You looked at her in confusion.

“Y/n, look at this girl Tom was photographed with yesterday, she looks like your twin!”

Dread filled your stomach as you stared at the picture of you and Tom in his black Audi A8, that stupid ballet skirt wrapping your head.

“Yeah, maybe if I took ride alongs with celebrities and wore nineteen fifties headscarves,” you quipped, “you only think that girl looks like me because you want it to be me, b/f/n.”

“Hmm, I guess…” she trailed, taking back her phone to continue scrolling through Instagram.

Not long after, you got a text from Clara twinkletoes.

Have you seen the picture??? I’m getting tagged and you are too

Like… everyone thinks that girl is you

Psh as if. We can talk about it later, I’m busy with my gal pal

Fine. Also, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to the beach tomorrow? I wanna talk about all this in person

Hmm. Maybe. Probably not ;)

“Hey, b/f/n?” You asked tentatively.

“Yeah?”

“Is it cool if you don’t spend the night tonight? I need to go to dance early tomorrow since I took the day off and I’ve also got this head injury so…”

it wasn’t a complete lie. You did have a head injury and your plan was to go to dance at some point, but you decided to leave out the part where you might actually go hang out with hot shot Holland.

“Oh, uh yeah, sure. My sister is coming into town this week so it’s probably for the best, you know how my mom is about cleaning the house and stuff,” she said, obviously trying to hide her disappointment.

Around 4 pm, she got up to leave. You had watched two more movies and eaten plenty more snacks throughout the afternoon.

“I guess I’ll see you later, y/n. Hope you’re feeling better tomorrow,” she smiled.

You returned the gesture and gave her a hug, then watched from the doorstep as she mounted her bike and rode off to her house only a few neighborhoods away, you feeling queasy about lying so much.

__________________________________

You headed upstairs after a light dinner and some TV. It was only about 8 o’clock, but the combination of a head injury, late night, and slight emotional distress (from lying to b/f/n) made you feel exhausted, not to mention you would be waking early the next day.

You changed into sweats and flopped into bed, checking your social media for a little bit to wind down.

Your snapchat was just pictures from friends, only a couple of them joking to you about the whole Tom Holland situation (but of course none of them knew the truth)

Twitter and Instagram, however, were a different story. After the premiere, you had chosen to turn off notifications and were especially happy to know it was the right choice.

On Twitter, fan accounts and other people were replying to a joking tweet you had made days before the premiere in reply to b/f/n where you said “Why be friends with that tom holland guy when you could hang out with your superior best friend hmmmm?? He’s lame compared to me lolol”

People were going nuts about it, divided over whether you were just messing around or if you really didn’t like him. Most of them chose the former, though you knew you had meant the latter. Other people were tweeting about you separately and debating about that picture from the day before.

You almost deleted your Twitter in a rash decision but realized how suspicious that could look and instead closed it and moved to instagram.

It too was overflowing with tags and comments and follows and likes. Your stomach churned as you realized how big this was becoming. Finally you made the choice to meet Tom tomorrow, even if it risked being caught again. You sent him a single text to let it be known:

Alright twinkletoes. Let’s go to the beach.

You figured you could reply to whatever he sent in the morning and put your phone on do not disturb before plugging it in and checking the alarm.

You snuggled into the sheets and buried your head into a pillow. A sweet and musky scent drifted into your nose and you took a deep breath.

Tom’s cologne

You sat up, sniffing around the sheets, pillows, and covers, realizing he had left his scent everywhere.

“I need to wash these sheets tomorrow” you breathed to yourself in an annoyed tone.

With that you laid back down, glad that b/f/n wasn’t there to ask whose scent was all over your bed. Though you tried to convince yourself that you wanted the smell gone, had anyone been watching, they couldn’t deny the way you sunk into the bed and the faint smile that made its way to your lips as you drifted into slumber.

__________________________________

A/N: there’s chapter 2!! Hope you guys enjoy. I don’t think I’ll post 3 until this weekend but who even knows haha. Love y’all and am so happy to have your support!

Tag List: @marvel-lously

#starstruck #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #marvel #spider-man #spider man #Spider Man: Homecoming #SPIDER MAN FAR FROM HOME #SPIDER MAN: FAR FROM HOME

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uas-fics · 5 years

Text

Chapter 2 Of ‘The Pandering Country Western Star’

Chapter 1 - Epilogue

---

Kiwi snuggled down in Tweek's hair as Tweek tapped his finger on the table top. Craig's livestream would start any minute. Would Craig use the script Tweek edited for him? No, he probably scrapped it. It was too much. It didn't make his fans feel good about Craig keeping his personal life a secret from them.

The more Tweek thought about the whole situation, the angrier he got about it. Coming out is hard and terrifying. No one should be pushed to come out to the world like this — especially not at the hands of a bitter ex. Craig was right to break up with him! He dodged a bullet, as far as Tweek could tell.

Tweek's phone dinged and he picked it up, keeping one eye on the laptop in front of him.

The text message was from Craig.

"I'm going to start my livestream soon. Wish me luck? :)“

"Luck ;)" Tweek typed and chewed his lip.

This was too risky to send. He didn't even know how long ago Craig broke up with his ex. Was it a month? A year? Two weeks? Was he pushing too fast?

Besides, Craig probably didn't even see Tweek like that. He was a famous country star after all. There were men much more like him out there he could pursue. Men who were famous and used to Craig’s lifestyle.

With a sigh, Tweek went to delete the wink and replace it with a star or a smile, (he hadn't decided which one) when Kiwi took hold of a lock of Tweek's hair and pulled. Tweek yelped, his thumb going right down on the send button.

His heart froze in his chest as he stared down at his mistake. A scream rose up from his throat but died down the moment the livestream started a few seconds later.

Craig smiled at the camera, waving. He held up the black and white guinea pig from his wallet photo and moved his paw to wave as well.

"Howdy," He greeted, and Tweek realized just how much of an accent Craig put on for his fans. "There's quite a crowd here, huh, Astro? I think this is my biggest livestream yet."

Astro didn't look all that impressed. Craig set him down in his lap.

"I'm guessin' you're all here because I said I've got some really big news. I can tell from the chat, you all seem to think it's music related." Craig's smile strained. "It ain't."

Craig took a deep breath, scooting a little farther back. Best Tweek could tell the livestream took place in Craig's living room, which was nothing but Western aesthetic: decorations made with wood, barbwire, and rope covered the wall behind him along with a rustic painting of a pasture with some tiny black, white, and red dots (probably cows or horses, Tweek realized) on it.

"This isn't how I wanted to do this." Craig sighed. "I had other ideas. Plans much classier than this, when I was in a much happier place in my life, but circumstances changed. I want y'all to hear this from my mouth and not the front page of a magazine."

Craig shook once. His face twisted like he was going to vomit, but he swallowed any bile back down.

"I am gay," Craig stated simply, pulling Astro so he pressed against his stomach. "I have always been gay. Since I was still in my mama. That's just how it works. That's how God made it work."

Tweek tensed. Around this part was when he started to edit out the pandering. If Craig went on about God and how He has a purpose for him, then he threw out all Tweek did and went back to the first draft.

Craig's eyes flicked up, looking beyond the camera, then back. "This has been a hard decision for me and a shock for many of you, I'm sure. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe you could all tell and never bothered to let me in on the secret."

Tweek let out a breath he did not remember taking. He slumped forward so abruptly that Kiwi fell from his hair. Kiwi landed, somewhat gracefully, if a little wobbly, on the table.

"Sorry!" Tweek reached out to comfort Kiwi, but he turned and flew up to his perch in his cage.

Craig continued, "Like I said, this isn't how I wanted this to happen. I’d rather had y'all meet my husband after we got engaged or married, but that ain't gonna happen now, I guess."

Pain flashed across his face for a fraction of a second. "I'm sure y'all find out why when Country Western Living comes out since that's where my ex outs me. I think publishing it is downright dirty and shows a lack of journalistic integrity, but I'm not a rich ol' magazine editor." He shrugged. "What do I know — besides you don’t tell other folks secrets for money?"

Tweek couldn't help but smile. Craig was going to throw that magazine right under the bus for this, wasn't he?

"I can say, I spent years hiding myself from people, both family and friends, and from the world itself. It was hard, and I felt like a liar. I heard conversations about folks like me that made my stomach churn. Conversations that I'm sure wouldn't happen if the people in the room knew I was like the people they were talking about."

He cleared his throat. "Even if it's not a perfect coming out story, I think I'll be much happier now, and I know I can make music truer to my life and with more passion than ever before. I want this to be a good thing for all of us."

Astro pipped and began to roll out of Craig's lap. Craig smiled down at him then set him on the floor.

"Don't worry about Astro. I'm still keeping an eye on him. He's safe," Craig reassured. He settled himself back in his seat before continuing, "Now, I know some of you don't ‘agree' with people being gay, and, well, I can't change your mind, but if you don't, it isn't my problem."

Craig fixed the camera with a hard look, his accent falling for the last sentence.

That wasn't part of the first draft or the edited one. Craig was supposed to offer to answer questions from the livestream after he mentioned how coming out would make his life better.

Tweek leaned so close his nose nearly touched the laptop screen.

He was proud for Craig.

Even as he answered, somewhat invasive, questions about his sexuality, he seemed relaxed, as if a heavy weight hanging over him just dropped to the ground and missed him.

Well that's what it was, wasn't it? No more hiding. No more lies and fake girlfriend stories. No more feeling like a gay fly on the wall when people bash the community.

"Ok, um, Little.Shop.Of.Yaoi280, I don't know what a ‘uke' or a sea...seem...see-mee? Whatever are and I don't think I want to," Craig was saying as he read through the comments. "Yes, KittyKatLover, I have read the Old Testament. I also read all the verses that say God loves me and made me how I am. That's all I want to say about that."

Tweek finally fell back in his chair, running his hands through his hair, with a goofy smile on his face. Craig handled those kinds of questions a little better than Tweek did the first few times he got then online. Nowadays he deleted invasive or backhanded comments on sight. He used to argue, sometimes with sources, sometimes without, and it would keep him up at night with worry.

He'd have to advise Craig to copy his current method and not his old one.

"Ok, I think Astro wants to go nap with his brother and sister, so one more question," Craig muttered, more to himself than the stream. "Let's see...I like this one. PikachuKetchumAll151 asks me if I could have come out like I wanted with a husband at my side, what would I have said."

He hummed a moment. "I would have announced the man with me is the love of my life and I am blessed to introduce you all to him, but that isn't going to happen any time soon, unless," Craig smirked, "I get very lucky with dates in the near future." He winked.

Tweek fell out of his chair and to the floor, eyes wide. No. Craig didn't. He didn't just ask him on a date on a livestream like that, did he?

"Oh, jeez!" Tweek's mouth gaping open like a freshly caught trout as Craig finished up.

The screen was dark for only a few seconds before Tweek's phone began to ring. Shaking, Tweek answered it without looking at the number.

"Tweek?" Craig asked. His voice was nothing but excitement. "It's over. Did you watch it? All of it?"

"Did you ask me out on a livestream?"

"Hmmmm, no," Craig replied, almost coyly, and Tweek remembered how to breathe properly. "I wanted to ask if you'd like to hang out, actually. I'm not ready to date anyone else right now, but making friends who are also gay and have been out longer than me? I would like that."

Tweek forced his voice to stay steady as he replied, "Yeah, I'd like that too."

---

Red tapped her nails against the lacquered wood of her desk. Her stomach twisted with disgust. She might just vomit over all the negativity surrounding Craig.

She shook her head. No, it's a very vocal few. Most of the reaction towards Craig coming out as gay had been positive. He had plenty of congratulations and even some fanart for him with the Pride flag. Some celebrities even tweeted they were proud of him.

"About time. You'll be happier now, Craig! #LoveisLove" The frontman of Moop, Stan Marsh, tweeted. His partner, Red's old friend, Wendyl, as well as the rest of Moop, also sent Craig their support. Wendyl even went as far as to argue on Craig's behalf in the comments.

Not that Red planned on showing that to Craig. She couldn't risk him getting involved in an online shouting match and ruining his aloof country boy persona.

Her eyes drifted over the copy of the magazine on her desk. Craig and Thomas were on the cover, walking out in a park and holding hands. Craig’s focus was solely on Thomas and not the beautiful scenery. They must have assumed deep in an isolated park would be a safe place for a secret date. Clearly, they were wrong.

For what seemed like the hundredth time, Red skimmed the article. The picture Thomas claimed they would publish, one of him and Craig kissing, was nowhere to be found. Red didn’t believe Thomas lied about the photo. When he called, he was stammering nervously and the stress made his tic act up so badly he had to keep starting his sentence over and apologizing.

From Red’s best guess, the photo was probably on private property and the magazine couldn’t legally publish it, but this could use it against Thomas anyway. Not that it mattered in the end. Thomas already admitted he and Craig were dating in the article.

Red closed the magazine then tossed it aside. Even if Thomas had been tricked into talking, he still was the reason Craig had been strong armed into coming out before he was comfortable, and that pissed Red off.

Grumbling to herself, she turned back to scrolling through the comments on Craig’s latest post, a picture of Petunia in sunglasses and a tiny cowboy hat. It never ceased to amaze her how much he dotes on his pets and treats them like his own children.

Unfortunately, even on a post of a rodent dressed as a cowgirl, people were making hateful comments and asking invasive questions.

Kevin opened the door, steaming bowls in his hand.

"I have leftover chili or microwave ramen." He held up the bowls in turn. "Which do you want?"

Red didn't look up from her computer. "Ramen."

Chili was too heavy and spicy for her stomach to handle. Kevin watered down the romen every time, so she didn't have to worry about making herself sicker.

He slipped the bowl next to her then looked over her shoulder with a frown.

"You need to take a break from those," He told her before spooning chili into his mouth.

"I want to, but I can't." She slurped up noodles. "I'm going to report every bashing comment that might break Twitter's terms of service so Craig doesn't have to see it." Twitter probably wouldn't do anything, even if the comment did break their TOS, but it made her feel better anyway, since Craig decided deleting comments would only make things worse.

Kevin rubbed between her shoulder blades. His hand was warm from the bowls, relieving some of the tension.

"Craig's a big boy, Red. He can handle some hate comments. He's probably been preparing for it for most of his adult life." Kevin set his bowl down to walk behind her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders then rested his chin on her head. Given how tall she was, when she sat was about the only time Kevin could do this.

"I know, but..." A noise of uncertainty left her throat.

He kissed the top of her head. "It'll be alright. Someone else will do something worse soon and everyone will forget about Craig being gay."

Red set a hand over one of Kevin's, smiling softly. He was such a good husband, so caring and sweet and understanding. She hoped Craig would find someone like that for himself one day.

"Hey, do you know who the guy Craig's been texting nonstop is? Some gay internet celeb, right? The one who helped him with the script?" Red asked abruptly.

"Tweek Tweak, I think is his name," Kevin replied. "I checked out his channel: he's got an alright voice and seems like a good guy. Craig really likes him. We should take bets if this is another case of Tuckers falling in love instantly."

Red rolled her eyes at the joke.

“Good thing I’m a Stoley now, huh? Or you would be worried."

Kevin laughed. “Good thing for both of us!”

Red hummed to herself a moment before pushing back her chair, nearly sending Kevin to the floor. She jumped to her feet and spun around.

"I'm done with this for tonight," Red announced, taking Kevin's hand. "You're right anyway. Craig is a big boy." She kissed his cheek. "So, com'on, let's go watch ‘Battlestar Galactica’."

---

The house was much less "Cozy Ranch, Sweet Tea with Lemon on the Table Next to a Fresh Rhubarb Pie" Charm than Tweek expected, Craig could tell just by the confused expression on his face as he looked around the living room. After the livestream, Craig put most of the western decoration back in the attic where it usually stated. If he had to stare at a ‘Live, Laugh, Ride Horses’ on the wall all the time, he’d vomit. Every time he had tried to ride a horse before, it either nearly threw him off or tried to eat his fingers. He could live and laugh just find without them

"Something wrong?"

"No. It's just...big. Wow. Way bigger than my apartment." Tweek spun around. "If I let Kiwi loose here, I'd never see him again."

"It's not that big," Craig defended, deciding not to mention that was the main reason he didn't like his own pets wandering outside their pen without him around. Once he and Stan and Kevin spent the better half of a day searching for Stripe when he escaped from the pen

"I think my parents' coffee shop could fit in here," Tweek muttered, bending down to get a closer look at a stone carving Craig got from a trip to Peru.

"You're parents own a coffee shop?" Craig put his hands in his pockets. "So you're from a business family?"

"It is why I have my degree in business management." Tweek reached his hand to touch the nose of the carving but flinched back. "Did you ever go to college? I mean, I think Stan said he met you in college, didn't he?"

Craig picked up the carving, making Tweek stumble back a few steps.

"I left to become a music star," He twisted the carving over, brushing his fingers along the maker's mark at the bottom, "but I was learning about the physics and chemistry required in the fuel propulsion of jets and rockets."

Tweek blinked at him. "So you left college to be a rocket scientist to sing about drinking beer and trucks."

"You know," Craig set the carving back on the table, "my parents had the same reaction."

"You could have gotten us to Mars." Tweek straightened up. "But, you know, I admire that you took the chance and left that path to follow your dream." He grinned. "Really. It's admirable. My parents would have flipped out if I dropped everything to tour."

He paused then quickly added, "Not that I want to. I like being able to record from my house. Little stage performances are enough for me."

Craig laughed. "No, I understand. It's pretty heart pounding to have a million eyes on you at once."

Tweek shuddered at the thought.

"Hey, come on, my kids are excited to meet you." Craig put his hands on his shoulders and steered Tweek out of the living room and down the hall.

"I've been telling them only good things these past weeks," Craig continued. "How talented you are and what nice handwriting you have." He paused at a door. "I let Petunia sniff your revision, and she loved it so much she nibbled on the paper."

Tweek snorted as Craig opened the door.

The pen took up a sizeable corner of the room and was surrounded by a knee height fence. Inside were several beds and many toys and hidey holes for his pets. Craig noticed one of the sipper bottles was getting low and made a note to refill it, along with their food dish which somebody (Probably Stripe) knocked over into the bedding again.

“Wow.” Tweek’s mouth gaped. “I thought guinea pigs were kept in cages like hamsters, not something like this.”

“I built it myself,” Craig proclaimed, “though, I went a little overboard in size. Three pigs don’t need this much room.”

His plan was to let Petunia have a litter and have himself an army of guinea pigs, but once recording and touring started up, Craig found it was hard enough providing enough care and affection for the ones he had, so he took all three to the vet to be neutered. According to the vet, they would live happier and healthier lives that way anyway.

One of the guinea pigs shuffled around in the hammock and poked a nose out. Petunia looked around before spotting Craig. She gave a squeak and scrambled out to hurried over, probably expecting treats. Her noisy journey from the hammock made the other two peek out from sleeping under a fake log.

Craig stooped down and picked up Petunia. He held her out for Tweek to hold.

"She doesn't bite," Craig mentioned when Tweek hesitated. "Promise."

Tweek took her and held her carefully to his chest. Stroking her long, brown fur, Tweek leaned over the small fencing to look at the others.

"She's soft and those two are really cute," he complimented with a nod to Astro and Stripe the Sixth.

"Thank you. I'm proud of my boys," He reached over and scratched Petunia between the ears, "and my baby girl."

Petunia moved her head against his palm with a happy noise.

Astro grew jealous at the attention Petunia was getting and began to get rowdy in the pen to steal some of it for himself. With a smile, Craig stepped into the pen and sat down. Instantly, Astro was in his lap with Stripe the Sixth settling down next to his leg.

Tweek wavered a moment before following after Craig and taking a seat in the pen.

He opened his mouth when his body went stiff.

"Ack!" He pulled his hand to his chest. "She licked me!"

A grin spread across Craig's face.

"That means she likes you." He scooted closer so they sat side by side, much to Stripe’s annoyance as he had just got comfortable.

"Like a dog?" Tweek stared down at Petunia in awe. Clearly, Tweek hadn’t had more interactions with rodents than average house mice.

"Yes, they are very affectionate critters." He pressed his leg against Tweek's, resting his palm on Tweek’s knee. Tweek tensed, but relaxed a moment later and didn't move away.

"Oh? They are? Well, you know, this," Tweek whistled softly, "is what birds do when they like you. They talk around you and sing."

"I didn't know that." Craig leaned a little closer. Their shoulders were touching now.

"Yeah. They sing and tweet all day if they're happy and safe."

Craig hummed a wordless tune, raising his finger to brush a lock of Tweek's hair back. Before his hand left, Tweek set his on top of it to keep it against his cheek.

"Do you want to know what guinea pigs do when they like someone?" Craig tilted his face towards him.

Tweek mimicked the action, twisting his body a little and disturbing Petunia. She made a whining squeak, alerting Tweek that his action displeased her, though he paid her little mind.

"What else?" He asked as his fingers gently squeezed Craig's hand.

"Something a little like..."

The gap between them grew steadily smaller and smaller until Craig pressed his lips against his.

"This." He pulled back, tapped the ends of their noses together, then pressed his luck to kiss Tweek again.

After a few blissful moments, the two parted completely.

This time when Petunia was disturbed she crawled out of Tweek's lap to trot to Craig's. She climbed over his crossed legs and snuggled down next to Astro.

"W... w... " Tweek stammered.

For a fleeting moment, Craig's chest gripped with worry that Tweek might be trying to say "Why did you do that?!" or "What made you think I wanted that?"

"’Wicked’..." Tweek finally breathed.

A snorting laugh escaped through Craig's nose. "I guess it was. Maybe even ‘radical’ or ‘tubular’?" He teased.

"No, I mean," Tweek chuckled, "'Wicked' like the musical. Jimmy gave me tickets to a performance he's helping with next month. Would you like to come? Like as a date?"

If he could grin any wider, his face would have split right down the middle.

"I'd like that, but you know what I'd like even more?"

Tweek's face dusted pink but he smiled too.

"What?"

"You let me take you out for a date tonight since I don't want to wait a month." Craig moved Stripe to his lap as well. The two already there made irritated squeaks but allowed their sibling to snuggle down between them.

Tweek nodded, pushing his hair back from his face.

"As long as there's no mechanical bull wherever you take me." He laughed. "My friend, Jason, rode one once and broke his arm when he fell off."

Craig's expression twisted into disgust before he could stop himself. Tweek furrowed his brow, nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"Tweek, I have a confession:" he took a breath, "I hate country music."

Tweek stared at him before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh, right, uh-huh." He elbowed him in the side. "That's a good one. If you want to go someplace with a bull, that's fine. Just don't expect me to ride it."

"I'm serious," Craig deadpanned. He leaned to allow his head to fall back. "I guess ‘hate’ is a strong word. I used to like it. I was raised on the stuff, after all."

Tweek lifted himself on his hands to turn to fully face him. His prompting look encouraged Craig to continue.

"When you said you thought it was admirable that I left school to pursue my passion, well, it was actually the opposite. Rocket science is my passion. Music is a job."

"What?" Tweek shook his head. "That doesn't make sense. That's not how it works."

"That's how it ended up." Craig shut his eyes. "Stan needed help taking all his Moop stuff to a venue, so I offered my car. The owner's daughter overheard me singing to myself and said she'd pay me to sing for her."

"Did you?"

"Thirty dollars for singing a cheesy country love song to a girl? Hell yeah, I did." Craig snickered at the memory. "After that, she told me she could get me on stage for a bit if I wanted. I didn't want a glamorous life of a music star, but I was a broke college student and performing there got me a free dinner and whatever tips I made."

He opened his eyes with a frown. "Then it all kind of snowballed from there. I got asked to come to sing there more and more and soon other places were asking for me, and Red offered to be my manager and before I knew it," he fell back, startling the guinea pigs, "I was famous."

Tweek stared at him, big blue eyes searching his face before he took a breath. "Why would you keep doing something that makes you unhappy?"

Craig shrugged. "Money. I sing what people want to hear from me and, until recently, pretended to be what they wanted completely. Just a good old Southern boy who sings songs that pander to other good old Southern boys."

"So, are all your songs just pandering? That can't be all you ever wrote." Tweek chewed his lip. His brow furrowed. Craig could only assume he was thinking about all the songs of Craig's he knew to check himself.

Craig pushed himself up onto his forearms. "I didn't write any of my songs, actually. When I was first starting, Red introduced me to a lyricist. He'd make the lyrics. I'd help with the instrumentals if he needed it."

"That...really?" Tweek moved to sit on his knees.

"Yeah, his name is Thomas." A pang hit his stomach, but he took a breath and went on, "Thomas actually did live a country life, a little. More to draw from than I have. He has Tourettes, and his mom sent him to a ranch camp for kids like him every summer from when he was eight to eighteen."

"Wow, so you’re really a fake," Tweek replied, unamused.

“I don’t auto tune myself or lip sing during concerts. Besides, I’m not the only one. An old member of Moop, Eric Cartman? He left to make a Christain Rock band called Faith+1. Fucker’s as far from a holy Christain man as you can get.” Craig snorted. “He’s even more in it for the money than I am. At least I care about my fans a little. That man would push them into the fires of Hell himself if he was offered a dime for it.”

“But you’re still faking! I mean,” Tweek ran a hand through his hair, “all of your songs can’t be pandering party songs, can they?”

"I do have one song that wasn't just a cash grab."

"Oh, yeah? Which one?"

"‘Hazel Eyes.'"

Tweek’s face twisted in thought as he tried to recall the song. Craig couldn't blame him if he didn't know it. ‘Hazel Eyes' barely broke the top forty for a week then faded into song obscurity. It was still his favorite, though for bittersweet reasons now.

Craig hummed the first two bars at the start of the chorus before he sang, "Black hair; Hazel eyes, looking at me with love long disguised. Hold my hand where dad and mom can't see. Let me with you and you with me. Please never look away from the future of we, my lovely hazel eyes."

Realization crossed Tweek's face.

"I remember that song. I really liked it, but didn't know the title."

Craig bobbed his head. "Thomas wrote that for me."

"Didn't he write everything for you?"

"No, I mean for me. Thomas...he was my boyfriend. I'm the ‘Hazel Eyes' the song talks about." Craig winced, realizing that bringing up a love song his ex wrote him with the man he just kissed was not his best plan.

"Oh..." Tweek chewed his lip "Wasn't Thomas the ex who..."

"Yeah, that Thomas," Craig confirmed. "I think that's another reason I don't like country much anymore. Everything I sing is by him. It's just salt in the wound."

A hand fell on his shoulder, so Craig lowered his gaze from the ceiling. Tweek smiled softly at him.

"Do you want to write a song with me? I'm not the best. I didn't go to college for it or anything, but maybe together we could make something good."

"So, what I told you isn't a deal breaker?" Craig asked.

Tweek shrugged. "No, I guess not. Maybe I can help you break into other genres, or if you want to leave professional music altogether and be a rocket scientist, I can help with that, too, if you want. I find people are much happier when they can be themselves and follow their passions."

Craig stared at him before chuckling. Tweek was such an amazing person.

---

The night wind was pleasant as Craig and Tweek walked side by side down the street. Craig readjusted his coat. For once, he didn't look like something a western store threw up on: A blue zip-up jacket over an old Moop shirt, black skinny jeans, and a chullo hat with a geometric pattern and yellow tassels.

Tweek mocked the skinny jeans when he first noticed them until Craig pointed out that's what he had on as well. At that point, Tweek blushingly hurried them into the theater to find their seats.

Craig raved excitedly about the play they'd watched. Tweek was so pleased that Craig liked it. He'd suggested it on a whim. It was the first idea his brain could provide him with that wasn't ‘kiss him again, you fool!' He hadn't expected Craig to actually agree, but he hadn't expected Craig to confess he’d grown disenchanted with singing country music, either.

"Alright, so were Elphaba and Glinda low key in love or something? Or am I just reading that subtext now that I'm allowing myself to?" Craig wanted to know, lightly swinging their combined hands while they passed under a streetlamp.

Tweek laughed. "I've never read the book, but in the musical, it's platonic, I think."

"You've never read the Wizard of Oz?" Craig stopped and fixed Tweek with a startled expression.

"What? Of course, I have!" Tweek scoffed. "‘Wicked' is based on a book that’s based on the ‘Wizard of Oz’. I've never read it, so I don't know if Elphaba and Glinda are lovers there or not."

Craig chuckled. "Well, I'm going to assume they fucked at Shiz at least once."

With a chuckle of his own, Tweek began to reply when a new voice cut him off.

"Hey! Hey! Craig, you—cocksucker!”

Tweek flinched, spinning around. Sooner or later, he knew some crazed fan would come to harass them. Why did it have to be tonight though? Even with the skinny jeans thing, the night was going so well!

As the man neared, Tweek’s heart pounded in his ears. They weren't too far from the theater, so there had to be more patrons nearby who could call the police if a fight broke out, right?

Scanning around, he saw only a huddle of people across the street, though they seemed to pay the couple and the yelling man no mind.

A disheveled man with short, messy hay-colored hair ran up to them and Craig stiffened. The man had bags under his eyes so deep that they rivaled the ones Tweek had when he was in the worst of his teenage anxieties.

"S-sorry!" He stammered, doubling over to pant. "I didn't mean to say--fuck!--that."

Tweek straighten. He wasn't much taller than the man, and nowhere near as tall as Craig, but he could be intimidating if he wanted to be.

"What do you want? We're busy right now," Tweek told him firmly. If they left quickly before this man started shouting at them, the night could still be salvaged.

Craig put his hand on Tweek's shoulder. He turned to him, and Craig shook his head.

With a deep breath first, Craig looked to the man. In an uninterested tone, he greeted, "Hello, Thomas."

Tweek stifled a gasp. Thomas? The Thomas? The one who forced Craig to out himself? That asshole?

Rage bubbled up in Tweek. He gritted his teeth and curled his hands into fists. If this jerk tried to cause trouble he would—

Craig wrapped his hand around his and squeezed without breaking eye contact with Thomas.

Thomas looked at their hands then looked away guiltily.

"Craig, I need to talk to--asshole! I need to talk to you." He chewed his lip. "Please."

"Why? So you can sell whatever I say to a magazine again?" Craig somehow remained coolly detached when he spoke. Thomas winced as if Craig just punched him in the gut.

"Craig, please, I didn't mean to. They had--they had a picture of us and--Balls shit!--we were kissing. How could I reply to that? Mother fucker! There was nothing I could have done! They would have run the picture anyway if I didn't answer. I--shit cock!-- I had to tell the truth!"

Thomas slumped forward, shrinking down like a dog about to be scolded for breaking a vase.

"I'm sorry. I did what I thought was best for you."

All at once, Craig’s aloof attitude broke. A low growl ripped from his throat as he stomped forward a step, getting into Thomas' personal space.

Jabbing a finger at his chest, he snarled, "‘Best for me'? If you wanted what was best for me you would have called me when it happened. Not Red. Me. You would have stood by me and helped me figure this out, but you wussed out on me and didn’t even answer my calls."

Thomas’ breath shook as he took it. He blinked hard, but under the streetlamp's light, he couldn't hide that his eyes were wet.

A pang of pity hit Tweek's stomach.

Thomas still loved Craig and probably did do what he thought was best. The cold indifference then a blast of sheering hot fury must have hurt more than Thomas let on.

Tweek reached out and grabbed a tassel of Craig's hat. Pulling it, he managed to make Craig step back.

"I'm sorry. I got scared, Craig! I'm not...Look at me! Who would want to come out dating someone like me?" He whimpered.

"I did — would! I never gave a fuck about your tics or how you looked." He squeezed Tweek's hand so hard, that Tweek bit back a yelp. Craig didn’t notice. "But that doesn't matter now, I guess. Goodbye, Thomas."

Craig pulled Tweek down the street. Tweek looked over his shoulder to see Thomas sigh heavily and slowly walk the way he came. The huddle of people instantly turned their attention to him when he neared. They started to console Thomas, but Craig took Tweek around a corner before he could see more.

"Craig..." Tweek started, "Um...that was—"

"Harsh?" Craig stopped, and Tweek bumped into his back. "Yeah, I know. It's the first time we've seen each other in months. He's been avoiding me. I guess it all came up at once."

Tweek twiddled his thumbs. It wasn't his place to say, but he couldn't hold his tongue on this. "I think he really was sorry."

"Yeah, I know," Craig repeated. "I know." He sighed. "Sorry. I just...I'll forgive him some time, but not right now. He threw my whole life out of sync and didn't even have the guts to help me set it back up. I think I'm entitled to making him squirm a little."

Tweek shrugged nervously. "Yeah, maybe, but you're not going to make him suffer too much, right?"

At least Thomas seemed to have friends to help him through Craig’s retribution, but Tweek still felt pity for him. Breaks up hurt, he knew that from experience, but all Tweek's breakups had been over issues much more trivial or minor than what Craig and Thomas went through.

"Another couple of weeks or a month, and I'll reach out," Craig muttered after a moment's thought, "but, Thomas and I are over. I couldn't ever trust him fully again." He flashed a smile at Tweek before taking his hands gently in his. "At least, I got one good thing out of this."

He bent down and kissed Tweek, slow and sweet. Tweek chuckled and rested his forehead against his.

"I wish I'd been able to meet you when I was younger. I think you would have made an awesome first boyfriend," Craig said with a lopsided smile.

"You know, I think I just thought of a great idea for a song if you'd like to head back to my place for the night and work on it," Tweek offered.

"I'd love that."

---

AN: Epilogue posted in a week

#south park #creek #Criag Tucker #Tweek Tweak #Revin #Sp Red #kevin stoley #Fanficiton #multi chapter #sp creek #Sp Thomas

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theswiftarmy · 4 years

Text

#20 – Rumor Has It

Sara Swift sat in a front row audience seat watching Taylor perform her final dress rehearsal of the medley to be broadcast on live TV that evening. She nudged the silver masters case a little closer. The moment the rehearsal was over she would take the masters case containing that inaudibly enchanting enigmatic sound to the sound team so they could mix the egg track into the performance of the final song in the medley—Lover. A uniquely identified cartridge within the case would be removed and placed in a special reader device. One of Taylor’s appointed audio engineer Swifite specialists by the name of Jack Antonoff was currently retrieving a reader device from one of the few very secret studios around the world that contained equipment able to interface with Egg masters tracks. There were studios around the world including two such studios in NYC, one in Nashville, and a studio in Los Angeles where from Jack Antonoff was currently on his way back. The Egg studios were a well-kept secret in the recording industry and knowledge of their whereabouts highly classified information. Egg studios required a high level of recording industry clearance that very few individuals had. Jack Antonoff was one of the few with the highest level of clearances possible—Jack was a bit like a tailor-made chess piece that you could move in any direction as many times as you wanted and with no limitations. Jack could basically do whatever he wanted when it came to recording studios and audio engineering. Taylor kept Jack close at hand, he was her ace of spades.

Sara sat with the masters case guarding it, eager to hand it off to Jack Antonoff and the Swiftie sound team that would be running sound during the live performance. She watched the rest of the dress rehearsal. Taylor had once again given Sara her phone to hold on to, and she kept it close, only, this time she resisted the urge to tap curiously through its digital contents—not that she didn’t want to look again—mostly because Taylor would probably catch her doing it since she was looking directly down at Sara from the stage.

About half way through Taylor’s dress rehearsal performance two Youngie Swiftie scouts entered from a door near the back of the auditorium. They had special instructions to see Sara Swift—sent directly from Taylor’s top tier team member in charge of the Swiftie social media Taylurkers. An undercover Swiftie security guard walked with them from the door as they traversed the aisles making their way to the front of the stage. They approached Sara with their information.

Sara turned her attention from the stage and talked to the tween-ish age Swifties for a minute while Taylor continued to perform flawlessly, as per usual, on the stage in front of them. Sara gestured to two nearby empty seats telling them to have a seat and wait until they could speak with Taylor. They sat Swiftie-eyed watching the rest of the performance. When Taylor finished Sara got up and rushed towards Jeffery.

“Jeff, can I talk to Taylor for a minute? I need to talk to her.” She said to him in a very serious lawyer-y voice, pointing over at Taylor, still on the main stage.

Jeff hesitated for a moment, but given that Taylor’s performance was perfect, he had no reason to object. “Ms. Swift your lawyer, Miss Swift, needs a word with you!” He yelled.

Taylor walked off the stage and over to Sara, “Yeah? Sara, this couldn’t wait?”

“No.” She pointed over at the two Youngies sitting nearby, one of them sitting in Taylor’s seat.

“YOUNGIES! Awwwwww… I love my Youngies! I mean, I love all my Swifties, obviously! But Youngies hold a special place in my heart.”

Youngies were any Swiftie born after Taylor played that very first time at the Bluebird Café in Nashville, Tennessee. These two were eldest youngies, probably born only days after Taylor’s first single was released.

Taylor turned her attention back to Sara, “Well, what is it?”

“I just received word,” she pointed towards the Youngie Swifties, “That Kanye West might try to show up and interrupt your speech tonight.”

Taylor made a dramatic mimicking motion as if she were about to throw up then walked with Sara stepping down off from the risers beside the stage over to the two Swifties.

She knelt down in front of the two Youngie Swifties and smiled at both of them.

“Hi there!”

“Hi Taylor!” They said back in their early teen voices. “That was an awesome performance!”

“Well thank you! Speaking of my performance, I heard you found something out about my performance later tonight. Is that right?”

The Swifties nodded their heads yes.

“Hmmmm… And who told you this?” She asked the Scouts.

“We have this cool older friend—an Arianator friend. She’s trying to become an influencer so she’s always posting videos about famous people she meets, she mostly posts about Ariana Grande, anyway, like, we saw it posted on her Snapchat, and then later also on her Instagram and then also on her YouTube channel. She recorded a video and posted it everywhere. But then she mysteriously made it private right after posting it, which is something she, like, never does. But we’re still friends with her—She must have forgotten that, anyway, so we can still see it, even though it’s private.”

“Oh? Can you show me the video?” Taylor asked.

“Yeah! Here!” One of them took out a phone and clicked away, navigating to the short one-minute video that had been posted.

The teen Arianator had secretly posted the selfie video when she asked to use the bathroom at Oak Felder’s Spaceship studio as tagged in the location.

The video began to play.

‘Oh my god! So I was just in the world’s largest shoe closet, it’s amazing, more on that later in a future video on my YouTube channel, I took some craaaaazy photos you’ll never believe. Anyway, I’m about to go on a helicopter to Kanye West’s house because we have to, like, go pick him up or something because he has to like interrupt Taylor Swift’s speech at the AMAs, I don’t know, ermygod like whatever booooring Znooooze lolz who cares about all that… BUT YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS!!! I GET TO MEET KIM KARDASHIAN! O to the M to the G!!!! I’m SOOOO excited to meet KIM KARDASHIAN! I’m LITTERALLY FREAKIN’ OUT here PEOPLE!!!! OMG, does my eyeliner look okay? OMG, there’s like lint in my hair, how long as that been there? Ewww, gross. Okay, I’ll post a selfie as soon as I can with Kim! Byeeeeeeee LOVEEEEEEEEEEE! LIKE SHARE SUB! ARIANA GRANDE 4 LIFE!’

The video ended.

Taylor made a serious face as she spoke to the Youngies. “Thank you for showing me that. You two did the right thing to bring that to my attention. Do you know if she said anything else?”

“Ummm… There was another post that she deleted, I think it mentioned something about feeling like she was in a spy movie because an insider from the AMAs was going to help Kanye and she went on a rant about how the only sidekick Kanye needs is Kim, but she never said the insider’s name. She just kept saying ‘Kim this’ and ‘Kim that’ and going on and on about Kimye. She’s Kardashisessed.”

“Oh? And what is Kardashisessed?” Taylor asked.

“Obsessed with all things Kardashian. She’s always been like that though. Since the first day we met her.”

The two Youngies exchanged a look and rolled their eyes.

“Well, you two have been very helpful Swifties!” Taylor paused and smiled at them, then made a face as though she were thinking very hard. “Gee, how can I reward you for this, Oh, I know!” Taylor’s eyes twinkled and she beamed a smile at the two Youngie Swiftie Scouts, “How would both of you like to come on stage with me tonight?”

“Really?” They squealed with glee.

“Sure.” She said pointing over at the other kids that had just rehearsed with Taylor during the opening song of her medley.

“Oh my god! Taylor, you’re our favorite!”

“AWWWWW.” She made a heart symbol with her thumbs and pointer fingers and they made the same symbol back at her.

“We’ll just have to make sure it’s okay with your parents, but as long as they consent to it—”

The two Youngie Swifties parents standing nearby listening to the entire conversation agreed immediately.

“This is the best moment of my whole life! We love you Taylor!” They jumped up and hugged her.

She laughed and then sent them over to learn the dance moves.

She turned back to her attorney. “Let him! Hah! See how far he gets. He’s not on the invite list anyway.” She said to Sara.

“Okay, we’ll just ratchet up security, make sure everyone knows to keep a look out for Kanye.”

“I think that works. It will be fine, Sara.” Taylor said waving to the two Youngies making friends with the other Swiftie Youngies.

“What do you think about the second part, the insider?” Sara asked.

Taylor thought for a minute. “I don’t think we should say anything to anyone.”

Selena Gomez, just having sat back in her seat, glanced over—She was just on the edge of being within earshot of the conversation.

Sara and Taylor lowered their voices, “Let’s just see what people are talking about, keep a close ear to as many people as you can and see if someone says anything that might give us a clue. And then we’ll approach them, personally. Have a little chat with them.”

Jeff suddenly yelled from the stage, “Where’s Billie? Does anyone know where Billie is? BILLLIE EILISH! WHERE IS BILLIE EILISH???”

“I think she went to go make a phone call or Face time her brother, Finneas, or something, I think that’s what she said.” Selena said from her seat.

“Well we need her on stage! I want to run her number just one more time to get the fire part right. Can someone go find her please!?”

“I’ll go find her!”

“Thank you! But hurry back, Halsey, because I have some notes for you!” Jeff yelled after Halsey as she walked off in search of Billie. Halsey could be heard saying something about what Jeff could do with the notes he had for her, it sounded unpleasant—Halsey doesn’t take notes.

Sara wandered around casually listening to conversations here and there. She felt like a hunter looking for prey. It was the complete opposite of her youth, middle school and high school especially. She was quiet growing up, mostly kept to herself and read books. Middle school was more of the same, although, her first crush—who had no idea she was her first crush and still has no idea to this day—made it a little less lonely. High school was awful because her crush moved away, they kept in touch but it wasn’t the same, eventually they stopped talking. She exceled in every class but found that being the smartest one around made things even more lonely as everyone kind of thought of her as just a nerdy brainiac that only cared about homework all the time.

Then came the boys and all kinds of rumors after she rejected every advance from each and every one of them. Yes, those “Rumors”. Beauty and booksmarts, and she wasn’t one of those stereotypical booksmart perfect grades wimpy kids, she was athletic too; women’s lacrosse, softball, swimming, ran track, and every other sport she was allowed to participate in. There was no shortage of boys interested in her. I mean, she knew, she knew from the moment she had her first crush. Her parents probably knew but she wasn’t going to tell them at the time, although she finally did in college; it didn’t go over very well. Sara’s dad and her were still able to maintain some kind of father daughter relationship for the most part centered on their chess matches. Sara was a chess aficionado thanks to all those early lessons from her dad, who was also an aficionado. Her father had originally wanted her to become a professional chess champion, world’s number one—He was happy with her becoming an attorney. But he was going to be happy with whatever she decided because she was going to do what she wanted, not what hewanted.

The worst happened when she was cornered on her way to sit by herself at lunch one day and then asked to one of the biggest dances of the year by the guy all the girls swooned over. It was right after being the only one to ace a test in her AP Calculus class. Of course she turned him down and he didn’t take her rejection of him very well. The very next day a group of girls decided to tell everyone she was sleeping with the calc teacher and that was why she received the only perfect score on several tests in addition to the most recent one. She was brought into the principal’s office and questioned by an investigating police officer who made her sit there in front of the teacher as well as others of the administration and place in writing that the rumor was false. It was one of the most humiliating and embarrassing experiences of her life. Then there was the walk of shame back to class after, every eye on her was still completely convinced she was just keeping what happened a secret—That’s when it all started, the cutting, anorexia, anxiety, panic attacks, body dysmorphic disorder and so many hours spent in therapy trying to fix it, fix her. She was seemingly hunted the rest of high school, less than observant guys would continue to hit on her as she only became even more beautiful nearly by the day, and the other girls came up with new and creative ways to torment her. Graduation couldn’t come soon enough.

And look at her now, accomplished, an attorney to some of the biggest names in showbiz!

Sara had movie star looks, and she probably could have been a movie star if she wanted to, but she was just more interested in the world of law. In college Sara reconnected with her middle school crush, as pen pals. They started talking again freshman year of college and she found that her crush was studying pre law, so she decided to take a law class as an elective and join a debate team. That lasted for a semester until, of course, then she found out her crush had met someone, and it became all her crush talked about—this boy. She felt the same dread and sadness, the emptiness returning from her high school days. Someone she had put so much into turned out to be, pointless. It’s just, she didn’t want to talk about him, she wanted to talk about, the usual things going on in the life of her crush. But, it became obvious that what was going on in her life was… him. Someone she had built up in her head, and mistakenly put on a pedestal, turned out to cause her nothing but jealousy and then pain and anger when it all came crashing down—when ALL her crush talked about was this stupid boy and how much she was in love with him. That’s when Sara started working out more than she usually did, running, swimming, going to the gym daily. Sara made her fitness schedule, in addition to her athletic commitments and various clubs AND studies her excuse as to why she couldn’t talk to her old crush anymore. She just kept saying she was busy all the time. Eventually the long lost middle school crush returned once again to being long lost. Her interest in law and debating stuck and she soon found herself helping any friend who had a legal or law related problem. Funny how something from your past, even if lost and gone, can be a bridge to something in your future. It was soon after that she found that she felt fixed by fixing things for others. As long as she was fighting a war, she didn’t have to fight her own personal battles.

She looked over at Taylor. Taylor was her favorite war so far. Fighting for Taylor kept her battles buried the deepest they have ever been. And she wanted them to stay buried for as long as possible. Which meant, this war needed to continue as long as possible. Sara also just, well, she liked being around Taylor, it reminded her of being around her middle school crush early on, back when they would work on school projects together, she loved that, she loved this, and just being around her was enough.

Really, Sara’s war wouldn’t end until the patriarch ended, until toxic masculinity had been blasted in its entirety from every inch of the entertainment industry. Even after Taylor’s war was won, she would continue fighting until it was done. But for now, Taylor’s fight was enough.

#taylor swift #jack antonoff #swifties #kanye west #halsey #lawyer #toxic masculinity #billie eilish #influencer #kardashians #kardashisessed #chess #writers on tumblr #tumblrfiction #first crush

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tigris-euphrates · 7 years

Note

What are your standards?

I’ve talked about this before I think but I just want someone who is faithful (truly faithful, meaning he doesn’t use religion to wield power over others) and he has to be smart and come from a good family and everything like that. But also idk he just has to understand and respect me and not talk down to me. I want true love!! Not like western love but real love that’s grounded in respect for each other.

OH and he's gotta be MENA Christian

#asks #this feels like a little too personal...I might delete it later hmmmm

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addiehour · 6 years

Text

title: jennydarling & (the) r1pper

pairings: hmmmm can we guess

summary: put jenny & giles into my favorite AU (met playing a video game), playing my personal favorite rpg... which is where all the ingame chatter comes from. and don’t you think giles might be a little more confident behind a screen?... tons of easter eggs from the game, buffy, studio killers, and... one david copperfield trick.

notes: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CELIA! @jenny-calendar i love you lots and lots; you gave me a home and a place in this fandom & even better, a friend in you and that’s something i’ll always remember and appreciate; thank you so much for making it this far and brightening up so many people’s lives ♡

brief glossary:

tank = player who takes most of the damage (& redirects it towards themself if necessary) in order to protect squishier targets with less health

tank mage: there’s no term for an offensive (as opposed to defensive) mage so this is the best available one rip

hs = request to heal a player

pots = potions

gg = good game

Whisper messages = this game has no IMing; just a different color in chat and messages nobody can see... so like IMing, just not on a different window/screen

pvp = player-vs-player (in the game i’m using as a base, you’d apply for official pairings to make sure you got someone with the same level range, and it’d be 2v2)

wb = welcome back

tully’s = a real live actual chain of coffee shops

warrior = high defense, low range, high attack

mage = low defense, medium range, medium-high attack (depending) and ability to heal

ranger = medium defense, high range, medium-high attack

She doesn’t care if he is the r1pper, he is a self-entitled jerk and a complete creep and she is not going to play backup for him anymore. If he asks her, a tank mage, for heals one more time, she is just going to--

r1pper: hs

“Augh!” She rips the headset off and leans back in her seat. Okay, so she’s the only mage in this battlefield. Okay, so there’s three people total. Okay, so he’s taking some damage from the Thorns Curse on the egg that he’s trying to attack. But she’s trying to attack it, too, and now he’s going to get all the EXP, and he expects her to heal him?

jennydarling: use pots

r1pper: all gone

She groans, leaning back in her seat. Okay. Here we go.

jennydarling: i don’t have hs

r1pper: ???

r1pper: are you... serious?

jennydarling: yeah i know i’m a mage with no hs

He gets the last hit, and of course he’s been dealing the most damage because he’s been playing for six years and has probably invested thousands of dollars into this stupid game.

xwatcher2: gg

xwatcher2: thx for playing with us r

r1pper: nw

Another reason she Hates This Guy (fame aside, irritating attitude aside) is the way he talks. It’s dw: don’t worry. Nw??? no worries? Just type it out. Or use the normal abbreviation. But of course on him it’s ‘cool’. And he gets thanked for existing.

The ranger begins switching through different costumes. Jenny and r1pper’s characters stand awkwardly, not saying anything. She wants to shoot laser beams at him, but the best the game has is a little face that looks like it’s crying, and also the one you use when you’ve snuck up on somebody and killed them in two shots. So she says nothing, and when the game warps them back to the Village, she gets ready to teleport somewhere where she can train for three hours and not think about stupid famous r1pper and his stupid famous face (currently outfitted in a decorative eye patch she knows for a fact costs over a million Gold on this server) when she sees the little purple message pop up in her chat window.

Great, now he’s Whispering to her.

r1pper->jennydarling: you made a mage account with no hs?

She frowns. Yeah, and what? She tells him exactly that, and there’s a pronounced pause.

r1pper->jennydarling: I thought the whole point of having a mage account was to be able to heal

jennydarling->r1pper: well you thought wrong

jennydarling->r1pper: maybe i just like mana

It’s true. She tried being a warrior once, thinking it might be ‘easier’, but aside from being treated slightly better, the main difference was that she could only use skills after landing a shot with the normal Attack function, and that took forever on a low level. Warriors need to be trained skillfully, and you only have a couple options for attacks, anyway.

Mages? Now, mages are flexible.

She tells him that, too, and he types back haha. Like, what, it’s funny? He just can’t admit that she’s right. Or is totally incompetent at online communications, which is something else she’s also heard, on those forum boards you can’t escape his name on.

LAN0SCAST1E

yeah if you actually talk to him he talks kind of funny

TW0M

funny how?

LAN0SCAST1E

funny like, he spells everything out. he also doesn’t know how to use most abbreviations; he says it took a long time for him to learn. but it’s also a cool break from the rest of the internet

TW0M

huh

‘Huh’ indeed. Jenny spends another half hour arguing with this weirdo about the ‘point’ of using mages before she tells him that maybe he should try using a mage account himself before he goes off at her about what mages are ‘for’, and also to go soak his head. That’s as creative as she can get without the filters catching it.

r1pper: well, thank you for talking to me, anyhow

r1pper: perhaps i’ll see you later

jennydarling: Perhaps I Shall Also See You Later, My Dearest Sir R1pper.

(And it takes forever to type capitals on this game, so she hopes he knows she means it.)

r1pper: dearest!

r1pper: well, i certainly prefer this to fighting

r1pper: good day

And then he logs off, so when she sends are you fucking kidding me it not only censors out the swear, it also tells her USER HAS LOGGED OFF in big yellow NPC text.

Jenny rips her headphones off, makes several violent banging motions with them, and then jams them back on her head as gently as possible because they are expensive and she doesn’t want to break them.

Jenny manages to avoid r1pper for a full week before she applies for PvP and ends up, unbelievably, with him. She prays they can do this without talking, and they do-- and for a moment, it’s easier than with anybody else; she doesn’t have to explain that she can’t heal, and he doesn’t expect any healing: with two tanks, they overtake the opposing side easily, killing first the squishy mage and then their tank.

r1pper: good thing i decided to stock up on pots

jennydarling: a warrior without pots is just an arrogant idiot

JENNYDARLING->CENSOR: a warrior without pots is just an arrogant *****

jennydarling: wow this game is pathetic

r1pper: and now i get to guess what you’re calling me

r1pper: does it start with an f?

jennydarling: too many letters

jennydarling: but close, and i’d call anybody that if they expect every mage in the battlefield to heal them

r1pper: i’ve touched a nerve

r1pper: metaphorically speaking.

r1pper: and i’ve also not gone anywhere near the nerve (anything to do with mages or healing)

r1pper: this is impressive

jennydarling: oh, die

r1pper: that’s just what i’ll do if every mage refuses to heal me

jennydarling: i’m ONE MAGE. let people have their own free will

r1pper: a passionate defense.

r1pper: let people follow tradition?

r1pper: reason?

r1pper: game design?

The system boots them back into the village, where both of them get lost in a crowd of people, and Jenny walks off to find someone to sell her victory pendants to. She has a full set of them now, which means it’s time to get her 50,000 gold, which she will use to save up for a new staff because she is hoping that the prices will drop in the next two weeks.

She’s just hit the OK button on the trade when another Whisper message pops up:

r1pper->jennydarling: hello

jennydarling->r1pper: do you stalk all of your fans?

r1pper->jennydarling: you’re a fan?

jennydarling->r1pper: touche. do you stalk all of your haters

r1pper->jennydarling: i wouldn’t say that, either

jennydarling->r1pper: has anybody told you you talk like if a british bulldog became mayor

r1pper->jennydarling: as a british person, i take offense to that

jennydarling->r1pper: but you don’t take offense as a bulldog or the mayor

r1pper->jennydarling: witty response loading. in the meanwhile, i have a bed to return to

jennydarling->r1pper: with or without a legion of hot chicks who follow your every move and claim you’re the best player to ever grace our humble w

The chat cuts her response off there, and she has to respond with a simple bye, which is unreasonably polite for her and looks unreasonably impolite on screen. But even with the phrase deleted, she can’t help thinking more about it, and also feeling grateful she didn’t get the chance to send it after all.

What do you know? r1pper has a blog.

Jenny finds this out while searching for a tutorial on how to finish Kulin’s quest in the Mushroom Marshland, because she’s been wandering all over the beach and in the lighthouse and absolutely nothing has dropped the Kneecap she’s looking for. She’s not even sure what kind of thing would drop a kneecap. There are skeletons, but they’re bosses and she’s hoping she’s not going to have to deal with them.

Find a party, r1pper suggests. Go together; the skeleton men are likely too difficult for one (even high level) player, especially as opposed to a balanced group of about two rangers, a mage, and a good tank (or two, depending on your level. Better to be safe than sorry). I have now completed the quest twice, and...

It gets worse from there, but the most absolutely awful thing has got to be the twenty comments begging r1pper to be in their party. Or guild, or genitals. Well, the genitals comment is only one person, and it’s probably a bot, but it still frustrates Jenny. She’s been playing this game for almost a decade now, and for what? For some guy with a weird way of talking to out-popular her? She hates him.

Which is also why she asks him to be in her party for the quest the next time she sees him log on (you know, after the barrage of wb r1pper, wb rip!, wb r1pper <3, and assorted other greetings that make her want to vomit).

r1pper->jennydarling: right

r1pper->jennydarling: you understand when i wrote that guide i was under the impression that a mage would heal the tank

jennydarling->r1pper: haha

jennydarling->r1pper: bring pots

r1pper->jennydarling: are you serious?

jennydarling->r1pper: yes. bring your friend

r1pper->jennydarling: ethan?

jennydarling->r1pper: wow i totally expected you to say ‘which of my thousands of friends, and women who want to do me’

r1pper->jennydarling: *and men

jennydarling->r1pper: ????

r1pper->jennydarling: you’re leaving out the men. this is outrageous

r1pper->jennydarling: what kind of social justice mage are you?

jennydarling->r1pper: HA. HA.

jennydarling->r1pper: you get 2/3 if we kill that many; i just need one kneecap for the quest

r1pper->jennydarling: alright

They get four, in the end (being high-leveled and all), and give the last one to Ethan, and Jenny walks away thinking maybe the whole experience wasn’t all that bad. So she goes to r1pper’s blog to find out what he recommends for tanks, and of course it’s all warrior-based and the mage-related advice assumes they’ll be behind the warriors, at all times. Jenny leaves a strongly-worded comment and trusts that he’ll know it’s her.

They join forces a couple more times before Jenny asks if r1pper has any social media. social media? he asks, and then says i don’t have any. And she says you have a blog, and he says, well, i wouldn’t call it anything social, and she says very funny now give me your phone number.

They don’t call each other. Jenny feels like it would just be weird. Instead, they trade stupid phone messages throughout the day. She sits in the library, scrolling through teaching jobs online (looks like a Computer Science/English double major doesn’t actually get you set for life), and occasionally receives a saw this and thought of you (accompanied by pictures of various spitting cats) or just in case (screenshot of a guide for ‘Beginner Mage Players’) or, once, for my biggest fan-- plus a signature so blurry that Jenny can’t even make out the first letter.

She has a guess, though.

jenny: does your name really start with R?

r1pper: yes, actually

jenny: wow

jenny: do i get to find out what it is now?

r1pper: absolutely not

r1pper: you would laugh at me

jenny: and now i’ve got to know

jenny: is it randy

r1pper: good lord

r1pper: no. not half as bad as randall

jenny: randall???

r1pper: it’s what randy is short for

jenny: of course it is

jenny: tell me your name

r1pper: under no circumstances

jenny: tell me what you’re signing, then

r1pper: i’m moving, as it happens

r1pper: a new job in sunny california

jenny: hey, norcal or socal?

r1pper: i feel very uncomfortable telling my most vocal critic that

r1pper: you might break into my home and leave dirt on all my belongings

jenny: (busts every window in south california to find you)

r1pper: that would be frightening

jenny: yay! i live in socal too

r1pper: this is the most excited i’ve ever seen you

r1pper: well, ‘seen’ you

r1pper: for that, if you give me a county, I’ll reciprocate

jenny: who has time for that? i live in sunnydale by the high school

r1pper: really!

r1pper: soon that will be me as well

jenny: wow, nuts

jenny: you know what this means, right?

r1pper: your search will eventually turn up my home and you will burn it to the ground, chanting about mage oppression all the way?

jenny: WE SHOULD MEET UP.

Jenny flips her phone over, rolls her eyes, and doesn’t worry about the texts until she hasn’t gotten a response in five minutes.

r1pper: i don’t think that’s a very good idea.

Oh, of course he doesn’t.

jenny: you’ve been wrong about all your ideas so far

r1pper: not the secret path to the pirate ship on the beach

jenny: fine. not that

jenny: but this isn’t about secret paths

r1pper: it’s about me not knowing if you’re secretly a child!

jenny: say what

She realizes, with a jolt, that she actually hasn’t thought too distinctly about r1pper’s age. She assumes he’s not as old as her, obviously, because what other thirty-five-year-old would waste their time on this, but now it’s hitting her that he might be a teenager.

Not with that speech style, she tells herself, and then tells r1pper that she is a fully grown adult and she has her own house. He relents.

r1pper: so what is your master plan?

jenny: you arrive at my house, i eat your head

r1pper: very attractive.

jenny: how do i know YOU’RE not a kid

r1pper: who just bought an apartment?

jenny: ...fine.

(Okay, she should’ve thought of that. Whatever.)

r1pper: anyway, coming to a stranger’s house is out of the question

jenny: your mommy won’t let you?

r1pper: my common sense won’t let me

jenny: does your common sense let you drink coffee?

r1pper: no, as it happens

jenny: sorry

jenny: what

r1pper: i don’t drink coffee. i drink tea

jenny: right, british

jenny: still not an excuse

r1pper: it isn’t an excuse. it has nothing to do with the fact that tea tastes good, and coffee tastes like pig swill

r1pper: pardon my french

jenny: you’re

jenny: so wrong i don’t even know where to start

jenny: at least let me buy you coffee

r1pper: wouldn’t that be complying with the patriarchal subjugation of mages, or something?

jenny: maybe so

jenny: tully’s on monday at 10 am, and if you’re not there i tell everyone i know ingame that you have a +crit potion fetish

r1pper: i’m tempted to force your hand to see if anyone would believe you

r1pper: it’s possible you’d only lose your few remaining guild members

r1pper ranked the top seven guilds recently, using some kind of Microsoft Excel sheet that was too complicated for Jenny to understand more than the first column of. He gave the excuse that he didn’t actually know of more than seven highly influential guilds, and then tacked on an ‘honorable mention’ for Jenny’s guild, which he knows full well is just her and three other people, no matter how hard she tries to get everybody else to join. For the last six days, she’s had people harassing her to get in, then immediately dropping out when they see it has no members.

jenny: ha. ha.

jenny: show up or else

r1pper: threats! now you see why nobody joins your guild

r1pper: you have to be more personable

jenny: and you’re so personable??

r1pper: actually, yes

r1pper: when not repeatedly harassed by mages

Jenny doesn’t have much of a response to that other than to tell r1pper that he’d better show up at the cafe next week, and she’s going to get him the sweetest possible coffee and so help her he is going to drink it. r1pper says he’d rather stick with his potions, and Jenny slaps her phone down and doesn’t talk to him for an hour.

It’s only while standing in line for her (and his) drink that Jenny realizes she has no idea how she’ll recognize him. She orders a vanilla latte along with her own espresso anyway, thinking that there’ll be enough people who want a vanilla latte later for her to just pass it off onto them in case of an emergency.

Fortunately, she doesn’t have to worry. In the time it takes for her to get her drinks and get back to her seat (behind her laptop, which displays a meta about the game’s stats system she’s been working on), someone has materialized in the seat across from her.

“Oh,” she says, putting the drinks down. She finds she didn’t have a witty opening line planned, and has to compensate. “That was fast.”

“I used my recall scroll,” he says, smiling slightly. He looks a lot more nervous than her, but he does have the promised British accent, which makes Jenny feel considerably closer to her usual confidence.

“And you’re in your level-forties,” she quips, sitting down and sliding him his drink.

“Ouch,” he says, pointedly not touching it. He has light brown hair-- which is the real age giveaway, because it’s thinning-- and glasses. She wouldn’t have expected glasses on the world’s number one RPG star. And a dad sweater-- Jenny wouldn’t have expected that on r1pper, either.

“I feel like I could stand to know your name now,” Jenny says after a moment. r1pper shifts uncomfortably.

“Um-- Giles. Rupert Giles.”

“Rupert?”

“Now you understand--”

“You think Rupert--”

“--why I refused to tell you!”

“--is better than Randall?”

“Yes,” he says, and sits back. “Did you poison the coffee?”

“I didn’t poison anything,” Jenny says, flipping her hair. “Rupert.”

“Well, if you’re going to say it like that, we may as well revert to using our usernames,” he mutters, lifting the top of the cup.

“You don’t do that,” Jenny says, and he stops.

“What?”

“Don’t lift that. It’s going to spill on you and burn you.”

r1pper--Rupert--whoever-he-is doesn’t look like he really believes her, so she shrugs and replaces the cap as best he can.

“Um-- so the rest of my guild is fighting a boss right now,” Rupert says, sort of staring out the window.

“Gee, and I’m so sorry to keep you from it,” Jenny mutters, taking a much longer sip of her espresso than is ever necessary.

“No-- No, I mean that I-- I canceled, to meet you.” He laughs quietly, looking at his cup. “I’ve been coached on how to talk to you.”

“Oh, really?” Jenny takes another sip. “Tell whoever did it that they did a bad job.”

“Everybody in my guild joined in, as it happens,” Rupert says. “I have been told to ask if you like Mexican food.”

“Sure, yeah,” Jenny says. “Do you want to go get some?”

“I feel like it pairs badly with coffee,” Rupert muses, and then takes a sip. “Oh, God.” He scrunches his entire face up and doesn’t de-scrunch it for several seconds.

“It’s sugary,” Jenny tells him.

“So you did poison it,” he says, putting the cup down. “Am I expected to drink this?”

“All of it,” Jenny says. “That’s why you have a Small.”

“And you have... the opposite,” Rupert notes, gesturing.

“I’m very good at what I do,” Jenny says, half-emptying the cup in one gulp. “God, that’s good.”

“This is frightening to watch.”

“Listen--” Jenny puts her cup down for a moment. “If you want to go get Mexican or something--”

“My coaches didn’t ask if I liked Mexican,” Rupert says. Then he adds, “but I don’t mind it, so if you’re offering--”

“I am,” Jenny says, very firmly. She also tosses her hair a bit, for effect. “Next week?”

“I’m starting my job next week.”

“Ooh, let me guess.” Jenny sits back. “Programming?”

“Absolutely not. It’s a, um, daycare center.”

She leans in again. She’s actually not sure she heard. “A what?”

“For the... for the elementary school. You know, aftercare. And then before that it functions as a-- as a preschool, you know--”

Jenny snorts.

“Have you told your guild?”

“Why would I?”

“Because nobody’s going to believe me if I say r1pper works at a daycare,” Jenny mutters, taking another sip. She considers trying Rupert’s drink, but then thinks twice, mostly because it really does have a lot of sugar.

“Right,” Rupert says, fidgeting with his drink. He pulls the cardboard coffee sleeve up and down his cup, and then mentions, “I tried playing as a mage.”

Jenny tries not to act surprised. “And?”

“And it was more difficult than I thought. I’m sorry.” He pauses, and Jenny is just managing to figure out how to take all this when he adds, “You can have my username on that account-- it’s 3619737. I didn’t want any... similarity to my other username. And it’s virtually impossible to remember.”

“Right,” Jenny says. “So you’re... asking me to help you level up?”

“That is exactly what I am asking, yes,” Rupert says, flushing more than when they were talking about getting Mexican food together.

“Can’t use your famous guildmates, I guess,” she mutters into her cup.

“Speaking of guilds,” Rupert says, “I was thinking of asking you to join mine.” And then he takes another sip of his drink, and coughs. “As I said: poison.”

“Clearly the sugar’s going to your head.” Jenny finishes off her cup and tosses it into the trash from across the room; the barista gives her a dirty look.

“Putting your skills as a mage to good use,” Rupert notes, and Jenny looks at him. “Ranged attacks.”

“Oh, shut up. And you know I’m working on my own guild.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Rupert says. “Please let me pour this out.”

“No,” Jenny says. “And what exactly would your guild be offering me?”

“A party member whenever you need one,” Rupert says, “and probably some help if someone tries to player kill you on the beach.”

“I can take care of myself,” Jenny says, crossing her arms.

“I know you can, which is why I’m asking you to join. I wouldn’t take on anyone who needed help.”

“I don’t--”

“I didn’t say you did,” Rupert says, half-smiling. “But you have a talent for dragging me into arguments.”

Jenny mutters something irritably and tucks a strand of hair out of the way.

“Fine,” she says, eventually. “I’ll consider it.”

“That’s all I am willing to ask.” Rupert gets up, giving his cup an odd glance. Jenny sighs; he takes it with him when he leaves. She squints after him to make sure he doesn’t toss it out the second he shuts the doors.

Two days later, Jenny is being plagued with Whisper messages.

thebigb->jennydarling: is it you

havefaith->jennydarling: hey do you know r1pper

westofthemoon->jennydarling: it’s you???

fredonly->jennydarling: omg found you

Jenny responds to as many people as she can with confusion and gets directed to r1pper’s latest blog post, which-- fine-- she said he could make.

Recently I met another player ‘IRL’ for the first time. It was an interesting experience, though not one I would likely repeat too soon (before anyone comments asking). She was very nice, although she bought me what I still believe is a poisoned drink, and...

Fine. Read the post, see r1pper updated the list of guild members, 2+2=Jenny.

But it still weirds her the fuck out.

thebigb->jennydarling: wait are you and r1pper dating

jennydarling->thebigb: NO

thebigb->jennydarling: oh okay cool

jennydarling->r1pper: do you deal with this all the time

r1pper->jennydarling: deal with what

jennydarling->r1pper: whisper messages

r1pper->jennydarling: yes; i don’t respond to most of them

r1pper->jennydarling: block them if they’re giving you trouble

r1pper->jennydarling: ...you’re getting whisper messages?

jennydarling->r1pper: thanks to the fact that everyone thinks i’m dating a certain someone

r1pper->jennydarling: who?

jennydarling->r1pper: oh nevermind

r1pper->jennydarling: well alright

r1pper->jennydarling: friday?

jennydarling->r1pper: still happening

r1pper->jennydarling: oh, good

r1pper->jennydarling: i just wanted to be sure

jennydarling->r1pper: yeah

jennydarling->r1pper: nw.

#calendiles #jenny calendar #buffy #. HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 MY DARLING CELES!#. also this is the One and Only time i will refer to him as 'rupert'. we all know i hate that name #. also also: jenny joining the scoobies perhaps?#. :3c #benfic

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samingtonwilson · 7 years

Text

Marriage Material - Part 5 - Jim Kirk

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Summary: in this chapter, you try to convince jim that gigolette is a word.

Warnings: language

A/N: hmmmm.

As beta shift faded into gamma, the medbay was quiet as per usual for such an hour. There weren’t many scheduled appointments and the non-alpha shift red shirts seemed to get the memo about working carefully so as to prevent injury. The only sounds were the soft beeps emitting from each of the occupied biobeds, the rhythmic nature of said beeps an indication that all was well.

You sighed and sat back against Leonard’s cushiony chair, adjusting the lumbar setting— not because you needed to, but because you had a strong desire to watch him attempt to fix it with that scowl and wrinkle between his eyebrows he usually got when he grew frustrated.

You narrowed your eyes at the screen of his PADD only to widen them a moment later, narrowing them once more. The words had slowly begun to look as if they were in a language you had no ability to read, and that was only getting worse by the second.

You set the PADD down and pulled your legs onto the large chair, careful not to teeter onto the floor. You set your elbows atop the desk and dug the heels of your hands into your shut eyes. Your exhale was heavy and hummed, your voice tired as you groaned out, “I’m going to die here.”

“I’d sure as fuck hope not.”

You jumped, your hands flat against the table as you looked up with wide eyes. You told yourself the beating in your chest, heavy and painful, was due to fear— nothing else. “What the fuck, Jim? You can’t just walk in here when the door is— It was open, wasn’t it?”

He smiled and nodded. “It was.”

You groaned loudly once more, drumming your fingers. You watched as he walked from the doorway to the seat across the desk, your gaze following the sleep so clearly drooping his features to the cotton clothes he’d changed into. “I’d ask what I can help you with but we’re still in the middle of another favor I’m doing for you.”

He slouched in the seat, his hands folded to sit on his stomach. “It’s so pleasant speaking to you.”

You hummed, resting your chin on your propped up hand and switching the PADD back on. “I’m aware that I’m a real gift from above.” You sighed and glanced at him once you retrieved the chart you’d given up on. “Did you actually need something? It’s late.”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Bones told me you’d be stuck here all night and I felt bad.”

Tapping your finger against the screen to finish that file and retrieve another, you shook your head. “I volunteered to help. Len deleted all the electronic charts from his files by accident and the nurses gave me the handwritten back-ups. Not much brain power being used here.”

“Still seems tedious.”

“Oh, it is,” you laughed, shaking your head again. “It’s mind-numbingly boring.”

“D’you want me to replicate you some coffee? Some food?”

You peered at him. “Why?”

“Because you’re a human being and human beings eat,” he shrugged. “Sometimes drink coffee in order to stay awake and have energy.”

You sighed dreamily without looking up from the screen of Leonard’s PADD. “My husband is so smart. S’like talking to an encyclopedia.”

“You can’t see it but I’m making a sarcastic face at you.”

You smiled. “I’m fine without coffee or food.”

“Too bad,” he told you as he arose from his seat. He crossed the room to the small replicator located in the corner, setting a plate under as the machine whirred. “You weren’t at dinner, probably didn’t eat breakfast either.”

“Yeah, well, I ate lunch— so you can suck on that.” You glanced at him and his narrowed eyes. “You can respectfully suck on that, Captain.”

He snorted. “Nice save.”

“Nothing fancy, okay? Just, like, peanut butter toast or something.” You paused. “With banana. Sliced.”

“Anything else, starlight?” there was a smile in his voice.

“Chai— no water,” you nearly commanded, catching his skeptical facial expression when you looked up. “The machine knows! Trust me. It’ll pump out an all-milk chai.”

“Why chai?”

“Less caffeine per cup, I don’t plan on being here for too much longer.” You shrugged a shoulder then. “Plus it just tastes better. Coffee starts to taste like dirt after it becomes your main dietary staple for survival purposes.”

He took the plate from under the replicator and replaced it with a mug. He took a few long steps to set the plate of peanut butter and banana toast on the table and leaned against the desk with his arms crossed over his chest.

When you finally looked at him, he was staring at you expectantly. “What?”

“Eat.”

“I can do that without you watching me.”

He hummed in doubt and walked back over to the replicator for the mug. By the time he returned to your side, you’d ripped both pieces of bread in half and took the mug gratefully, not minding the heat of the porcelain against your skin.

“Thanks, mon mari.”

He smiled and fell into his seat again, sighing heavily as he did. “You have to actually eat the food.”

“I will in just one…” you trailed off, your teeth capturing your bottom lip as you fussed with the PADD screen to enter the remainder of the chart’s information, “short measure of time.”

You pushed the PADD away as soon as you finished, sighing in relief. “Another one down, three more to go.”

“Eat first.”

You frowned. “Fine.”

You picked up a piece and pushed the plate towards him. “Eat with me.”

“I already—”

You scoffed loudly, your voice thick with an unswallowed bite as you said, “Your stomach is a bottomless pit, Jim Kirk. You can eat more.”

He took a piece, smiling to himself. “My wife knows me so well.”

“Aren’t you lucky?” you smiled back, sighing a moment later. “I don’t want your apartment.”

“Yes, you do. It’s a nice apartment, I don’t blame you for wanting it.”

“It is nice but—” You swallowed a particularly large bite, taking a sip of chai to wash it down. “This all feels strangely like prostitution.”

He stayed silent for a beat, his eyes widening quickly. “Holy fuck, it’s like prostitution.”

“Exactly. I’m gigolette.”

He let out a bark of laughter, his blue eyes bright. “That’s not— Gigolette can’t be a word.”

“It is,” you laughed, shaking your head. “It’s totally a word. And I’m one— I’m your gigolette that’s being paid in apartments and temperature controlled mattresses.”

He crammed the remainder of his half of the toast into his mouth. “We’re not having sex, starlight.”

“I know. We’re in a sexless marriage. Just like my parents.”

He tilted his head and watched as you tore a half of the toast in half once more. “How do you know your parents are in a sexless marriage?”

“If the idea that they weren’t in a sexless marriage even lurked in my subconscious, I wouldn’t be able to keep food down,” you said as you dropped the toast back onto the plate and picked up your chai instead.

You took a long sip and let it burn your throat a little on the way down. “Back to the point— I think the apartment’s a bit much. How about you buy my drinks whenever we’re on leave? Or you—”

“I think the apartment’s just enough,” he said loud enough to force your mouth closed. He sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. His blue eyes never wavered from you. “You’re doing so much for me. You’re putting your entire life on hold for me. It’s an apartment, starlight— a one bedroom apartment, nothing too special—”

“Except that it’s in the Financial District, and overlooks the Bay Bridge, and—”

“It’s not much compared to what you’re doing for me. Agree to the terms and move on.”

You narrowed your eyes. Usually the kind of person that prefered to exhaust every possible scenario, you nodded without a thought beyond, “Fine.”

He smiled in satisfaction and sat back, taking a piece of toast with him. “Give me some chai.”

You hummed and slid the mug towards him while pulling the PADD towards you. Staring at the screen once you’d opened up the beige folder in front of you again, you began inputting information. “You might have to change physicians, by the way.”

His voice was thick as he replied, “Why?”

“We’re married now,” you shrugged. “I’m not allowed to be your doctor anymore. Just switch back to Len.”

Even though he knew you couldn’t see him, Jim pouted. “He makes fun of me when I refuse hypos.”

“Then don’t refuse hypos.”

“I hate them. At least you smile and say ‘good job’ when you’re done. Bones looks at me with that face he makes.”

“Crooked mouth, crooked eyebrows, flared nostrils?”

“Yeah, that one. He should learn from you.”

You took the mug when he slid it back. “I say that to everyone about everything and they have yet to listen.”

He watched you for a few moments— the way you kept the rim of the mug at your lips even when your sipping had ceased, the way you hummed absentmindedly, the way your head bobbed with the hums. He smiled, tracing every edge, every curve, every smooth plane of yours until his eyes found your ring.

He stared at the thin gold band as you drummed your fingers against the table. He saw light bounce off of it, saw the ceiling’s reflection cast in it. He sighed and reached over before he could help himself, taking your hand in his own. “I’m serious, you know.”

You looked at him questioningly and nodded upwards.

“Bones should learn from you. I never felt comfortable in an exam room until you transferred on board— you’re calming.”

You looked down at your hand joined with Jim’s, wanting to move it in such a way that you could lace your fingers together. As soon as you shifted your palm, though, you yanked your hand back, tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear to look casual.

You looked away and cleared your throat. “Right, well, I’ll teach Len all I know. I’ll have him stock jars of lollipops if that helps.”

You tried to offer Jim a small smile, succeeding to a certain extent but failing when it didn’t come close to touching your eyes. “I actually have a spare jar of them from when he told me I would need candy to lure you into an exam room.”

He’d been staring at you silently, intermittently looking down at his empty hand and frowning. He shook his head and tried to smile as well. “I remember. Orange flavored.”

“Can’t go wrong with citrus.”

“No, you can’t.”

You sighed as quietly as you could after a beat of silence washed over the two of you, looking at him with narrowed eyes. “Jim, shouldn’t you go to sleep?”

“Don’t need that much sleep.”

You snorted. “Yeah, you’re just captaining the Enterprise. No big deal.”

He cracked a small smile and rolled his eyes. “If you want me to leave, just say so.”

“I don’t,” you said almost too quickly. “I just— I want to make sure you’re well rested.”

“I will be. I have a great roommate.”

You smiled back. “Bedmate, actually. I deserve more credit than the word ‘roommate’ merits.”

He leaned forward to take the mug of chai again. “That you do. Are you busy tomorrow night around dinner?”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Not allowed to date anymore so no, Jim, I’m not busy.”

“Bones thinks we need to do things together in front of the crew more often,” he explained, taking a long sip of the chai. “Hold hands, eat together— make it believable.”

“Len thinks so?” you cocked an eyebrow.

He nodded.

You snorted a laugh and shook your head once. “That sneaky piece of—”

Jim hummed questioningly and you shook your head again. “Nothing. This is something we have to do?”

“I’d think so.”

Appraising Jim’s features for even the slightest hint of humor, you sighed with a nod when you came up short. “Yeah, I’m free at dinner if you want to take this marriage to the public arena, mein mann.”

PART 6

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#takin it to the public #jim #jim kirk #jim kirk imagine #kirk imagine #jim kirk x reader #kirk x reader #star trek #star trek imagine #captain kirk #captain kirk imagine #captain kirk x reader #imagine kirk #imagine jim kirk #imagine sleeping

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