#me when i watch the birth of a new god and destroy myself in an effort to survive (it is pointless and i will never see me wife and child)

[mr-president]

The god of fear and hunger acknowledges your suffering.

Cahara has formed a panophobia. A fear of everything.

#fear and hunger #cahara #cahara the mercenary #fear and hunger girl #i kinda hate this piece but worm girl’s vid and that one ao3 fic made me draw n post this #anyway twink death. #me when i watch the birth of a new god and destroy myself in an effort to survive (it is pointless and i will never see me wife and child)

[thoughtsafterdark]

Stigmata

The world is quiet. So quiet. The silence deafens, bends backs, breaks minds. It holds its breath, waiting, biding its time. Still and poised yet tense, every pebble and grain of sand prepared to strike. Like a big cat stalking its prey, shoulders rolling so smoothly as it inches closer and closer. Like oil sliding off the skin of the water. Those moments when it crouches and becomes one with the Savanah. When the golden light of the setting sun sets the land aflame and blades of grass blend with raised heckles until they are one and the same.

It waits for you, for your conception and birth. Molecules aligning, cells dividing, flowers blooming. The water of your mother’s womb is surprisingly thin given the precious life it cushions. It is expelled from your lungs like a sacrament, like a fountain that once erupted from a desert rock millennia ago. Strong lungs as befit a firstborn son. Your first cries pierce the air and shatter the stillness into a million shimmering fragments. The diamonds spill across the inky blackness. A burst of colour from the Lord’s brush, arcing across the sky. Another promise, another new beginning. Yet Gods are foolish, lonely creatures. Their promises ring hollow and false to our suffering ears. The whips crack and our skin splits, oozes all the same. Where was God when my brothers withered and died, the cries ripped from their throats going unanswered?

And yet tell me why as I gaze upon you now, I am compelled to fall to my knees? As if every fibre of my being yearns to bow, to yield - as if your voice bursts from somewhere deep in my squirming gut and heart and not your lips?

Tell me why I itch to bury myself in the crook where your thigh meets groin and inhale the musk there as if your scent holds the Eye of the Needle, as if the grooves of your skin map Heaven’s Kingdom. Would you let me cry tears of rapture at your coming and wash your feet with them and my tongue?

I wonder if such a wonton display of devotion would anger you, frighten you. Would you toss me away in disgust, smash my face into the ground? Break my nose against rock and let me feel the warm flood of blood flow backwards down my throat, let me savour the salt and iron as I swallow devoutly. Tell me why I have never felt so alive as when your holy wrath rains down upon me like fire, like the destruction of Sodom.

I watch you now, standing proud against that same setting sun, gazing across the expanse of your new kingdom. Here as it dips low upon the dunes and the sand lashes at us. Its rays frame raven curls and fracture all around you, as if afraid to touch you and be seduced. A halo that revers yet fears you. It hardens your features as if you were hewn from granite Your jaw tightens against the onslaught, sharp enough to fell armies. Your eyes become the harsh ringing of blade against blade. Gone is the boy with the easy smile tugging at the corner of a mouth, crow’s feet wrinkling eyes. In his place is the cold pyre of divine righteousness. The commander of earth and sky, made to wield sound and air itself. I think of the icons of old, the waxy mournful faces of saints and note what a pale imitation they must be, if they had even a third of your weight.

You are a black hole - all-consuming, inescapable, inevitable - and we are all trapped in your orbit, edging ever closer to the Event Horizon that will surely destroy us. But tell me if our path is so doomed why my heart leaps at the prospect of pledging my death to you? What finer gift is there but that of my last breath, freely given?

In your face I see rivers of blood and the thrum of charging men. I hear the chants of our forefathers and the long line of prophets that came before, accumulating across the centuries into the tapestry that is your flesh.

Yet as you lie here beside me, the darkness kept at bay by the stubborn flame of a lone candle, your face serene with sleep and your sweat acrid and sharp in my nose - I see just a man plagued by a crown of thorns. I think of my hands, bathing in the blood of innocents in your name. Your name, a mantra, a hymn that ignites us all with awe and hunger. I wonder if knowing deep down you are just a man makes me more or less the fool.

Then your eyes open, lashes fluttering, and I see the light burning there and I know messiahs are not born but made in the hearth of a home, in the fierceness of a loyal heart and the beating lifeblood of a people starved of hope. I care not if you bleed red or ichor, I know only that I will follow you into hell itself, until we burn to ash and we become whispers, legends. Until we are nothing but dust floating across the dunes, the wind that stokes the flames of a thousand more rebellions.

#creative writing #poetry #religious trauma #religious imagery #love #devotion #stream of consciousness #love poetry

[cardierreh15]

The Secret Life of August Walker

I do not give anyone permission to repost or copy my work!!!

Warnings 18+: Bodily Fluid (containing of Blood, amniotic sac fluid , & Mucus ) , Child Birth , Angst , Grieving .

Pairings: August Walker x Mya (Black!Female OC)

Description: Mya takes a trip down memory lane on the night their baby girl was born.

Word Count: 2.3K

Song: Just My Imagination by The Temptations

Part 2

The small family sat at the small breakfast table in the kitchen. August was holding on to Ava with dear life. His large arms hugging her gently as the tiny human slept peacefully in his grasp.

He just couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He would leaned down halfway before bringing her up some too and place kisses on her chubby brown face. Then ever so often, he’d nuzzle his face in her neck and inhale her baby scent. It was as if he was trying to make sure she was real.

Or trying to make up for all the lost time.

It was quiet, Mya sat in her seat just watching him with their little girl. She would find herself tearing up and wiping those tears when they’d slip out. She just couldn’t believe this! So she had to ask…

‘What happened?’ Her voice was small and a little shaky. Part of her knew, but she wanted to hear his voice once more to be honest.

August looked up at her, the moon illuminated through the kitchen. The natural light made her pretty brown flesh glow. Motherhood really did a number on her. She had a beauty to her this world had to appreciate… he had to appreciate.

‘I had a guy take over… when I found out Nathan found my location. I was about to repair the artificial mask system and make new masks. It wasn’t hard to sneak by.’ He then looked down at Ava.

Mya’s eyebrows tugged into one as she folded her arms across her chest, ‘What?! So you stole CIA equipment, repaired it and then convinced an innocent bystander to be “you” and you pretend to be them for a year?!’

‘They weren’t as innocent as you think. He worked for me. And I knew I’d die if I got that chopper. He fought a good fight.’ He then looked down at their daughter, ‘If it meant for me to live and be in the shadows for a year … I’d do it again a thousand times more.’

She stared at him before she rubbed her face and pushed her curly fly aways behind her ear. ‘Alright… what about the end of the world? You were involved with a cult August. You were planning on destroying the world with me in it?!’

August didn’t look up at her yet, he seemed remorseful.

‘What’s stopping me from getting up and calling Nathan right now and —‘

August snapped his head up at her, his dark blue eyes showing a reflection of darkness she’d never seen him give her.

Yet she refused to back down.

‘Well? What do you have to say to yourself? To me?! Our daughter?!’

He just stared at her before looking back down at their sleeping baby.

Rage pumped through her veins. She felt lost, confused and the worst of all… disconnected.

‘So you have nothing to say?’ Her voice was cracked and broken from the tears that was building the the lump that was forming in her chest.

‘I thought I was doing the right thing Mya. This world is so full of darkness, pain… hate. I wanted to rid it of those things. Am I the bad guy because I want a new and peaceful place to raise our children?’

She burst out in hysterical laughter, ‘You? Who do you think you are?! God?! No one is capable of wiping out the “bad” in this world because they’d be taking themselves out too! Do you even know the kind of pain you put me through?! Would you kill me because I grieved you?!’

He pressed his lips together and looked over at her. He hesitated at the question. ‘I’ve had this conversation with myself over the past year. It started that the day at the graveyard… I saw how my death effected you. It wasn’t fair to you… to the both of you.’

She reached across the table and ripped a piece of paper towel off of the roll and pat her cheeks and nose.

‘I’m sorry.. and from now on I want to spend every waking moment trying to make up for this disaster I’ve ensued.’

Ava stretched in her sleep, causing her father to look down at her in a hurry. ‘Uh oh.’ He chuckled as she then snuggled back into his chest. ‘She’s so beautiful, Mimi.’ He then carefully ran his hand over her little head. ‘Everything I’ve ever wanted…’ He was gushing over how much hair she had, and how soft it was.

Mya sniffed as her heart tightened at the nickname. He was the only person that was allowed to call her that.

‘What was it like?’

‘What?’ She asked.

‘The pregnancy… the birth— with me not being there? I want to know what happened.’

Mya sighed softly and sat back in the chair. Her arms were folded lazily over her belly. She didn’t even know where to start.

***

A loud thunder clap shook the house, causing her to be startled out of her sleep. ‘Ah!’ And with that sudden jerk, it scared the baby. The baby twisted and turned in her womb, kicking and punching. Mya hissed at the pain, ‘I’m sorry honey… shhh… it’s alright.’ She rubbed her rounded belly, doing her best to soothe herself and her startled baby.

Mya looked over at the time, it was 1:19am. Cradling her belly with both of her hands now, she let out a tired sigh, ‘looks like you’re gonna be up for the rest of the night Hmm?’ She smirked, ‘Your father was a night owl… you and him alike in so many ways already.’

The baby began to kick around again, this time landing a strong one on her bladder, ‘Oh! That’ll do it! Why don’t you take it easy on me?!’ She whined playfully as she pushed the sheets off of her lap and pulled her legs over the sides of the bed, one by one.

Letting out a small whimper and placing her hand on her lower back, she waddled her way towards the bathroom. But before she could make it to toilet she felt herself leaking down her maternity tights. ‘What? Not again.’

Being pregnant came with a lot of complications. One of them being not being able to hold your bladder they way you use to.

But this time… this wasn’t urine.

‘MA! I happened again!’ She called out. Mya then carefully pulled down her tights and underwear to see this strange looking piece of tissue.

‘What’s wrong honey?’ Ericka said as she looked at her hunched over daughter.

‘Ma… I think my water broke…’ Mya murmured, her voice trembling as she never broke her gaze with that mucus membrane.

‘What? Why would you think—‘ she walked around her daughter and she saw it for herself. ‘Oh my god…—‘

‘Ohhh!’ Mya whimpered as she placed her hand on her belly. It felt tight to the touch. And she felt crampy as if she was having Braxton hicks. But this was different. Sooo much different.

She held her breath as she reached out for her mother’s hand. She gave her a gentle squeeze and breathe through the pain. Within seconds, it was gone.

‘That was your first contraction… honey, I’ll get the bags ready.’ She said softly, panicking as she rushed out of the bathroom.

Mya took in a deep breath and did her best to stand up straight. ‘OK Mya. You’ve prepared for this day! You got this.’ She coached herself as she quickly waddled back into her bedroom.

Contractions were 7 minutes apart at this part and were pretty moderate. Ericka helped her breathe through them.

‘This isn’t so bad… I think I may go without the epidural.’ She giggled as she carried the car seat out to the car.

What a naive way of thinking.

The whole ride was uncomfortable. The contractions dropped from 7 to 4 minutes. And they gotten stronger. Each one of them had her whole body tensing up, holding her breath.

‘You have to breathe Mya! It’s not helping that you’re holding your breath, you’re going to pass out!’

‘Ughhhh! I’d rather die at this point!’

Ericka sighed and clenched her jaw together for a moment, ‘I wish I could tell you it gets easier… you think this is bad?!’

Mya sniffed as she felt so overwhelmed and in so much pain at the moment. She then began to sob. ‘Maaaaa!’

Her mother looked from the road back over to her quickly, ‘What? What is it?!’

Mya whined as she began to sob uncontrollably, ‘I’m hungry! And I can’t eat anything!’

Her mother sighed and reached over to grab her hand, ‘I’m sorry honey but to keep you and the baby safe—Ah!’ Her words were interrupted by a firm grip from Mya.

‘Ughhhhh!! Ooowww! Ow! Owwwwww!’

‘Breathe Mya!’

***

By the time they made it to the hospital, she was only 2 minutes apart and the baby was beginning to crown.

She laid on the bed, trying to focus on her breathing, ‘Can I get my epidural now?!’ She breathed out. Her mother pat her head with a cool rag.

The nurse looked down at her with a saddened expression, ‘I’m sorry doll… I’m afraid it’s too late. You’re dilated 8cm now. The baby could come at any moment now and it’s—‘

‘WHAT?! What do you mean it’s too late?!’ She was then hit with an even stronger contraction. ‘UGHHHH! FUCK! August! You son of a bitch! I hope you’re having a goddamn blast where you are or id kill you myself!’

‘MYA! You have to calm down!’ Ericka snapped at her. ‘That wasn’t a nice thing to say about him…’

She finally began to calm down from her moment but in that instant, she broke down in another sob. ‘I miss him ma… I wasn’t suppose to be doing this by myself!’

‘You’re not… I’m here baby… we’re going to get through this together… that’s a promise.’ She said softly as she pushed her daughter’s sweaty, curly hair out of her face.

She wiped her tears with her wrists and looked down at her belly. Another contraction came, this time she closed her eyes and breathe slowly.

‘Good Job sweetie… just breathe.’

***

‘When you feel another contraction sweetie, push OK?! Press your chin into your chest and push with all your might, understand?!’

A nurse held her left leg and her mother held the other. Mya gave the doctor an impatient nod before she was smacked with strong one. ‘Ughhhhhhhh!’ She groaned out as she pushed. The doctor counted as he helped loosen her so the baby could pass easier. ‘OK! Good! Take a breath— when you feel it coming—‘ then she began to push once more.

‘There you go! Here’s the head! You’re doing great sweetie!’

Mya sighed heavily, as she tried to take a moment to breathe but they just kept coming! ‘UUGHHHH! OWWWW!’ She yelped out. She felt like she was being torn apart slowly.

It was like none of those classes mattered! She wasn’t prepared for this kind of pain!

‘I know honey! You’re gonna feel a lot of pressure and a little bit of a burn alright? Just give me one big push!’

‘GRRRRRR!’ And she gave the last push with all her might.

Finally the room was filled with the pained tears of her sweet baby.

‘It’s a girl.’ The doctor said as he carefully cleaned out the baby’s throat and nasal pathways.

‘A girl? A girl!’ Mya repeated as tears filled her eyes. Her mother squealed happily before kissing her head gently.

Not only was she a surprise… but it was what August would’ve wanted. What he said he wanted.

The nurse cleaned off the baby and laid off and laid her on her chest. She had her tiny little fingers in her mouth, sucking away.

‘My girl,’ Mya began to sob, ‘My sweet baby girl! Ava.’ She laughed through her tears as she ran the pad of her thumb over her pink cheek.

‘Ohhh, she’s so beautiful Mimi…’ her mother cooed softly as she gently placed her hand over her tiny covered head.

***

‘She came out looking just like you… a head full of hair… her eyes didn’t come in until later but she stole those from you too.’ She giggled as she looked at him with their baby girl.

August smiled softly as he ran the back of his fingers against her soft cheek. ‘She’s beautiful… I couldn’t imagine-‘ he said as he looked back at her across the table, ‘the pain you went through. With me not being there — it was such an important milestone and I missed it. Im sorry for that… but I won’t miss anymore… I promise.’

Mya tapped her finger on her arm, swallowing her spit. Her eyes roamed his face; taking all of those features she adored so much. That mustache that Was trimmed to perfection, paired up with that 5 o clock shadow. His blue hues were hidden by the darkness but she knew they were glued onto her.

Damn, she missed her man.

‘So what are you going to do if Nathan finds out you’re alive.’

‘He won’t…’

‘How?’

‘Mya… I’ve been gone for a year and you’re already forgotten? I always have a back up plan for my back up plans.’

She smirked gently; trying to hide that giggle that was threatening to come out. She then shook her head as her head fell, ‘I haven’t forgotten how smart you were… it’s one of my favorite things about you.’

August carefully moved the baby so her head was resting on his chest. ‘She’s so tiny… is this normal?!’ He chuckled as he looked up at her, this time his dark blue orbs glistening in the moonlight.

‘Completely. She’s 3 months. She was born 5lbs & 13oz… 18inches long.’

August smiled softly as he began to pat her baby bottom gently. ‘She’s perfect.’

#henry cavill #august walker #henry cavill x black reader #daddy #henry cavill fanfic #dad!henry cavill #dad!august walker #daddy!august walker #daddy!august #august walker x black!female oc #august walker x black!oc

[eriexplosion]

Since I'm rapidly running out of time to catch up we're doing EVEN MORE TBB TODAY, so off to The Clone Conspiracy

GOD CORUSCANT LOOKS. AMAZING ACTUALLY. SEEING 79S AGAIN ALL GLOSSED UP, GODDAMN. Love when the future is Neon.

Slip and Cade ;A; I'm already preemptively sad knowing what's going to happen to them. Cade talking about destroying Kamino, their home... I'm of course thinking back to the trooper that reported that Kamino had fallen to Rampart, voice hesitant as he reports the destruction of his own birth place. Slip says later he was on board when it happened. I wonder if that was him.

God though, sending a message to Rampart to give him "the chance to tell the Senate the truth before I did it myself." Cade, Cade, Cade, that is an insanely stupid move WHY did you do that and not just tell the senate directly? I know it's the urge to follow orders and chain of command but oh god of course Rampart has him killed.

Listen the first time I watched this I was SO scared for a hot second that it was Crosshair taking those shots, the last time we saw him he had killed Tawni Ames and the rapid shooting Cade and then shooting the blaster out of Slip's hand got me CONCERNED. Only when he started missing constantly did I go 'okay yeah this can't be him'

Still they really do let you think that, with how little we see Crosshair this season, it wasn't out of line to think he was there with new armor.

Can't believe "Cataclysmic Storm" is what they went with. Yeah it was such a big storm on the planet known for storms that it destroyed every single city on the planet simultaneously, very tragic.

"Shifting to a military of citizens swearing loyalty fundamentally goes against the principles of this body." I'm sorry I can't get over the fact that like, I get why the troopers don't want to retire (this is all they've ever known, they don't know how else to function, they have no other support) and the bill is objectively meant to push them out of service to essentially be abandoned but this is still an insane argument. We can't shift away from our slave army to a military of volunteers it goes against the Principles of This Body. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Riyo coming in with the actual 'hey what if we take the secret third option of treating them like people?'

I hate Rampart being so blandly pleasant, playing like he's soooo reasonable and understanding when we know he doesn't give a SHIT about the clones.

"If anyone were to dig further into what truly happened to Kamino" which I am happily discussing in a public hallway.

The scene in the bar HURTS because like, Riyo is trying but she's still locked into not treating the clones like people who should have options. She's trying to soften the being forced out plan, but they're still being forced out and thrown into a situation they were never trained for (because they were never supposed to be people) and they're pushing back against it because it takes away their choices in their own futures. There's just no option on the table that lets clones make their own individual choice whether to stay in the military or retire, and they always expected to be dead before they were too old to fight.

I want every clone to be given all the love and support in the world, all of them no exceptions.

Still the little nod at the end when they agree to work with her, my heart <3 Riyo really is trying her best she's just limited by both the Empire and the plot restrictions of how much they're allowed to criticize the Republics use of the clones in the first place and not just the Imperial treatment of them.

Riyo has been given the worlds worst and most alarming info dump and everything is happening at once, congrats your assassination risk just went up like 500%

God Slip calling Rex to try and get him out ;_; god this poor boy

Oh no not full pensions for millions of clones, god forbid we take care of the millions of clones that we literally purchased as cannon fodder.

"If I had been present, maybe more could have been saved" yeah bro your presence totally would have stopped the storm in this story you're building that makes total sense.

Bail pointing out the blatant insanity of blaming it on, of all things, a STORM.

I'm sorry I get stuck on that how was that the lie they went with how is Rampart SO stupid?

Godddd the tension of this scene with Riyo and Slip is so good, the building musical tension, the way it peaks a few times and nothing happens to keep you extremely on your toes and then Slip gets taken out just. DAMN they're good at this.

The way Riyo's guard gets shot and he KEEPS GOING.

I just realized that last time we saw Rex he disappeared into the fog, and when he comes back in he appears out of the fog. Turns out that whole time he was just in the fog.

HATE THE SCENE WITH THE BELIEVER CLONE. EVERY PART OF IT IS CONCERNING AS HELL. Including the part where he electrocutes himself to death and we get to see flashes of his fucking SKULL.

#the bad batch rewatch

[floretskybright]

Cosmos Monkeys AU

Prologue

I was the first one to come into existence , ironically being born from a star dying

I never noticed how lonely I was , maybe because I didn't know how it felt to not be alone from the start

I just spend my days between the stars and did nothing at all

It may be boring for someone else but it was all I ever knew to do

Floating around and looking at galaxies were the only thing I could think of to pass the time in the immense nothingness of space

Until one day I strumbled upon your birth , it was as beautiful as it was dangerous , I already thought of you as such even before knowing you were coming into existence like me

When I realized who came out of the bursting of the supernova I was left spechless a second time

Your radiance made me forget everything before you and I couldn't help but getting closer to you

I will never forget our first meeting

______________________________________

The first time I opened my eyes it was also the first time I saw you

At the time I thought we were family seeing as you were there when I was born , but you said we weren't really related because being born from the galaxies are unique

I didn't really understand it but we looked to be the same so I stuck around you , I was afraid to live alone in such a vast place and it seemed you didn't like it either

I wanted to see you laugh so I played games with you , you looked so confused and excited every time I came up with a new one , it was amusing to see

Eventually I wanted to see what else I could do other than coming up with games so I started experimenting with myself , I thought there was no way it was all I could do when my existence is special itself

You supported me and only looked troubled at the thought of me hurting and your caring brought me joy

But my efforts weren't in vain , I eventually discovered powers so strong to destroy a sun , you followed in my steps wanting to be by my side in everything and I couldn't have been more grateful for your loyalty

I thought we would be together forever but there's a first time for everything

______________________________________

They took my sun away , these beings that called themselves gods took my sun away from me

They feared us , feared our power but we never did anything to them

They captured us and let me watch as they killed my sun before my eyes and then killed me too

I used all my remaining strenght to lay next to my sun , I wanted my last moment to be with him and thinking only of him

My hatred and desire for revenge against the gods was only a passing thought compared to the feeling of wanting my sun to be my only focus for foverer and more

And with a last look at my other half my eyes closed as my last strenghts left me

#monkie kid macaque #monkie kid six eared macaque #lego mokie kid #monkie kid sun wukong #lmk au #sun wukong #shadowpeach #sun wukong x macaque #shadowpeach au #Cosmos Monkeys AU

[poisonheart]

It’s been several days since I finished FFXVI and I gave myself time to process those emotions, but I still don’t like the ending. The more I watch people play through that conclusion, the clearer my reasons become. To me, Clive was never free.

He was his mother's disappointment (and treated like a bastard just because he failed to "awaken"), his brother's shield (I loved their bond but it was still a big responsibility for a child), a slave assassin to a foreign kingdom, Cid's replacement, the person people placed their faith on in the absence of a savior while being wanted/hunted as a vessel by a selfish god who only cared about self-preservation.

In the end, after having so much taken from him and giving so much of himself, he had to lose everything to birth a new, better world.

And I get it. Intellectually, I understand and can even see the "beauty" in the tragedy of it all. I know what had to be done and I know he was always that kind of guy—willing to give himself up for a better cause.

Emotionally, I disliked it. I always do. In the end, he didn't escape the whole "being Child of Fate" thing.

Joshua shouldn't have died.

Dion shouldn't have died.

Clive shouldn't have felt like he needed to die to bring happiness to everyone but himself.

I know it's implied he survived despite seemingly calcifying at the end. He was given a quill and suggested to abandon the sword for that quill—to become a writer when it was all over. And you see a book after the credits written by "Joshua Rosfield."

Again, taking up someone else's name, having their legacy live on. I get it was a cute, meaningful gesture—if it was Clive who wrote it because Joshua didn't survive, but he could never just be "Clive." He was always someone else, something else. Not just Clive. I wanted him to live as Clive Rosfield.

I know the ending was ambiguous to leave the door open for DLC's. I mean, Clive "healed" Joshua after consuming the powers of god with all the creation magic that came with it. We can assume, if we want, that Joshua does make it too. Maybe he's the one who becomes the writer because Clive was too busy being a farmer or something.

Maybe Dion survived too.

Maybe when Clive "healed" and "birthed" this new world, or whatever actually happened there, those people in the vicinity were restored.

[And maybe none of them lived and DLCs are about the past of the characters in those 13 years after the intro... or they'll give Jill a little Clive baby who is also tasked with living up to his father's legacy...]

Don't get me started on how Dion deserved better. Especially if you do the quests before the finale—that shit hurts. Clive was given time and a support system to overcome his guilt over "killing Joshua" but Dion never had that. He was only allowed to find absolution in death. He should have lived a long life—repairing his kingdom, raising that little girl who saved his life with his boyfriend, and being happy.

Maybe on the other side we didn't see, in some DLC, they did live happily ever after.

But it wouldn't change how punishing the finale felt.

Jill said Clive always wanted to save everyone, but never thought to save himself, and even at the very end he didn’t.

He could never rid himself of his fate as some divine plot device. 

I get that it is heroic and noble to give up oneself for those you love and the world they'll be left in. That undoing the horrible suffering we saw was indeed an act of love, but I personally dislike this trope.

It's a personal bias of mine when a hero needs to die to achieve a greater good, leaving behind people who want them to live because they too deserve a slice of the happiness pie.

Clive spent his life juggling duty, guilt, promises, dreams while being stalked by a god hell-bent on destroying his life to break down his will and take over his body (Ultima, you had tits too, so why?) and yet he was still chained to his fate of becoming a sacrificial lamb.

The only difference was the outcome.

One option ensured everyone/the world perished.

The other option ensured the everyone/the world didn't perish.

He just couldn't escape being bitch slapped no matter what.

I know that it's poetic to show how different he is from Ultima who didn't care about anyone, hijacked a planet because his was dead, and created people for the sole purpose of saving himself through them someday.

Clive had to be the opposite.

Had to be willing to die for a better world.

Prove to Ultima who was floating in the lifestream that selfless love was better than self-love.

I get it. I get the themes, but I don't have to enjoy them.

This was also my problem in FFXIV with the Warrior of Light's ties to a past that chased them all the way to their reincarnation(s), but that's another story.

I felt the story punished Clive for existing.

I didn't feel liberated by the ending.

The vagueness of it didn't satisfy me.

He had a miserable fate from beginning to end.

Even if Clive is alive, happy, and free in some future DLC chapter, that hint of disappointment will stay with me. Because they said the ending was meant to stand on its own.

I know that a story isn't good because it has a happy ending, but I can't think of a cast of characters who deserved a sappy end more than this one, especially a protagonist who was seemingly born under the worst possible star (fate).

I didn't want the conclusion to be left up to interpretation.

Overall, I still liked the journey, I enjoyed playing it, loved the cast, and especially enjoyed the combat—which I wasn't expecting—but I can understand why so many people turned to fanfics.

It's the only way to cope now.

#ffxvi #ffxvi spoilers #clive rosfield

[incarnateirony]

I'm. Dizzy. Remix of the Lateralus Remix Remixed I guess, to Art of Dying, but it's death disco

WARNING CONSTANT FLASHING LIGHTS. SMOKE A BOWL OR SOMETHING FIRST IDK. There's a reason, listen.

Yeah uh, you know, the Fool's journey of the cards to turn over on way back to The One and The World, the soul connecting through others and lessons learned to find the One True Thing.

If you've read my souls meta, you know what that is. And what The Truth is. Again. Beyond the original episode name. Beyond the trap Dean's in the clothes of. And Cas mirrored Rowena and baby boomed the shadow while taking in the light, the flipside of humanity and the soul and, you know. Well. He sealed out The Emptiness from humanity's heart even if their son's rupture Made It Loud and got the locsts click-click-clicking and the radio turned up.

But minding the universal baby bounce, the Akrida (heh, accreta) are almost afterbirth buzz atop the rest. And you know, some people REALLY have some deep generational trauma, like their divine baby nuke did that drove the Emptiness to seek silence in death's library, and its own madness quickly took her, while Dean's heart called out to it. They latch onto trauma and hide in the same mental space as the soul, or what the soul shies away from. All thought boxes really, all the same garden, they're just the evil attack bugs of our darkest traumas that keep us from being at peace. Or "I know myself." from Lata, eg, Know Thyself.

The orphic egg is itself contradictory--origin of the universe but the son of Lucifer, and yet a form of Lucifer that becomes the snake, et cetera. But death is the infinite vessel and still gave birth to that new world.

Dean not only is traveling the path of his bonds through the universal soul to find the garden by revisiting their story. He's looking for The Truth. His Truth. And at the end of the road, here, with an Optimism imbued rather than Nihilism--a viewpoint finally learned--at the end of the road, it's worth it, and he wouldn't do it over. Because here, in this Supernatural Love Story, there's an encore to Save the World.

His Big Win. His Everything. His World. The One.

I'm gonna be like vomiting emotions into a bucket until well after the finale at increasingly alarming rates fyi.

For now, well. Lata just said, big breath. And now the fog descends, that could destroy Everything.

I told you. Then Robbie told you. Not sure who else needs to tell you but this is revenge, and the only ones with the clock now is them.

also @jenngeek tag me when you get a few minutes in server I have a different copy than this but. I told you 6 would smack man. Funny watching your own denial crack tbh. "Oh my god it's real. This is really happening let me check if i left the coffee on send help"

#winchesters codex #the truth #optimism #nihilism #the world #know thyself #akrida #heaven #souls #meta #Youtube #lateralus project #draft 1 #i'll add to this later

[dream2bu]

Worth reading…both men and women…

By Talya Eidelman

For all women.

I am woman. Don’t tell me who I am. I have known ever since the world was created. Don’t tell me what to feel or how to behave.

I am woman. Don’t try and teach me about the old ways that should have been dead a long time ago.

I am woman. Do you know anything about my body? It houses the world and it is the wisest thing on this planet.

I am woman. Don’t try and tell me that suffering is weak when the reason that you exist is because I suffered giving birth to you.

You are here because of my ability to suffer.

I am woman. Somedays I cannot eat or sleep as the power, wisdom and truth of the new world pours into me as my vision and mission becomes crystal clear. Then again this is a world where most people hardly eat and don’t even have beds on which to sleep.

I am woman.That means I can no longer be silent. It means my voice has arrived and like a raging fire and a thunder it will be heard across galaxies.

I am woman and I am tired and angry. Don’t go and confuse anger with weakness or malice or a lack of inner peace. My anger is rage and my rage has turned into power. I have lived lifetimes voiceless, suppressed and yet I was the one who always knew the truth. That may take a while to get over.

I am woman. I have lived many lives and each time the secrets of the world had to die with me. But not this life… This life I will apologise for nothing. This life I am here to be seen, heard and live out loud.

I am woman. Don’t tell me what to do. I have heard too many opinions from indoctrinated and suppressed voices. ‘You can’t change the world’ or ‘don’t take on others suffering, it doesn’t belong to you’. WHAT OTHER? ‘The other’ lives in me. Everyone belongs to me and every cell in me is every human out there.

Do you know who I am? I mean do you have any idea?

I am woman. Don’t teach me about God. Don’t preach to me about a God that exists outside of me. A God who punishes or expects anything. Don’t teach me about a God who loves conditionally and wants us to be good and obedient. Don’t teach me about your patriarchal God that has left the world in a state of desperate anxiety and confusion.

I am woman. That means I am a mystic. I am the dark force of the feminine. I am the manifestation of my womb. I am the crone, the wolf and the lioness. I am The Goddess.

I am woman. I know exactly how powerful I am and what I am here to do. Don’t come with your limitations and false beliefs, unless you have brought them forth to die in my fire. Don‘t teach me about humility out of fear that I may become too powerful and not domesticated enough.

I am woman. I am wherever the water is stagnant and where a change needs to be made. You will find me where there is pain and anguish and you will watch me cry and scream for the people.

I am woman. I am not looking to create comfort or peace. I look to destroy the old world and shake things up to the point where human beings come alive and this is a world of awakened, passionate, loving and powerful people. That is what creates peace on earth!

I am woman. I am so sexually powerful that you have become afraid of me and so you call me a whore and a tease and arrogant. I laugh at your labels and yet my heart aches for you.

Don’t you see that my power is the very thing that births yours? You have not really awakened unless you have awakened through a woman.

I am woman and the world has been waiting for me. Waiting in desperation for me to break my chains so that I may come and free you from yours.

I am woman. I answer to no one and nothing other than my instincts and to whatever feels natural. I do not fit into a mould and I live life my way. I break the rules of conformity and I do nothing in an ordinary or orderly fashion.

I am woman. Destruction is my way.

I am woman. My freedom is not dependent on your opinions of me or your limited understanding of who I am. I do not wait for permission to be myself or use my voice. I do not think before I speak as my wisdom rushes out of me like a tsunami of water dying to feed the dessert that is the world.

Don’t tell me I can’t do it. Because I will. Because I am.

I am woman. I am Power, Sexuality, Darkness, Depth, Heart, Warrior and Animal.

I am the New Voice.

I am The Revolution.

I am God.

DEAL WITH IT.

[cassianus]

The adversary has been working on me for a long time, since the day of my birth, since the day of my baptism. He patiently waited for the hour when I would frivolously abandon my vigil over myself and indulge in presumption and imprudence. He waited for this hour, and, experienced in the destruction of men, he finally dealt me a blow, a sure, decisive blow. Now that I am his prisoner, when I am enslaved to him, he will again be over me, watching that I do not escape from captivity, that I do not overthrow his yoke, a yoke that is reprehensible and heavy. My fortress is exhausted, my hands are weak, I cannot rise from this fall, free myself from this captivity. I am clothed in coarse yet weak flesh, I am in it as in bonds, as in a prison; my enemy is a spirit, quick in movement, like lightning, clothed as in full armor, with an abundance of abilities, knowledge, and strength. My enemy watches over me like a lion watches over defenseless prey. I cannot resist him: I multiply my sins with new sins, I am carried away by my passions. The Lord gave me up to their torment.

The Lord trampled as in a winepress, the virgin daughter of Judah: for these things I weep. I cry and weep with a cry that is inexplicable and incomprehensible to me. My spirit yearns, languishes in me: it feels its poverty and humiliation. My fortress has been destroyed at the Lord's permission, my beauty has been corrupted, my integrity has been broken and taken away. A thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. This fallen angel has his own goal, the goal of destroying me; but in his actions, regardless of them, there is the allowance of God with all the incomprehensible, all-wise, all-good purpose.

St. Ignatius Brianchaninov

“A Monastic’s Lament for His Brother Who has Fallen into Temptation”

[whatyouseeiswhatyou]

Turning 20 gave me a Disney-princess waist and child barring hips and a smile, that when forced, doesn’t appear as such. My hands are still large and scarred but now I imagine them being small wrapped around something else, a cock or a weapon, it’s all the same. Turning 20 allows me to put on a pink dress and enjoy the way you can easily see my thighs jiggle and shake. Like a mating dance that not only calls upon willing suitors and an inflamed ego but ghosts who wish to snatch the souls of the gullible and the hungry. Turning 20 taught me what it meant to starve. The burning sensation of hunger, erupts from a dark sad place down below and it releases itself through my mouth. On the way out, it burns my tongue, leaving my gums blistered and my teeth weak, so now I can no longer speak lava. What comes out instead is stupid shit, like hearts meaning love and doves representing peace and “I’m always here for you if you need me.” I’m starting to grow uncomfortable with my lies. I make myself angry with the way I’m able to ignore the demands that god asks of me. They said heal thy wounds not pick and pull and rip, until I can find the white meat. The good meat. The pure. Turning 20 means that I gag at the thought of unloving eyes sizing me up. I want no part in these crooked games of touch-and-take. I’ve always been an independent thinker but being apart of the big TWO-OH gave me a new sense of superiority. These actions are beneath me and watch me squish all this shit like an ugly fucking bug. I don’t understand what jealousy feels like. To feel green is to feel rich and I feel as if when I walk on grass I do not bend them. I am steel, I am a hundred and sixty pounds of god forsaken rage and ugliness but i float along like the leaves do. Turning 20 killed the 19 year old in me who wanted to save the world and be a leader who guides. I want to destroy and I no longer want to be at the head of the line. I am not meant to be a god, nor march the good and innocent to victory. I will be the bystander who plants down the gasoline and the matches and births the messiah and then just walks away from It all. Being 20 is like taking pain killers before the pain even gets here. I like the rhythm that the pills make as they slide down my throat. I’m not addicted. My brain doesn’t allow me to surrender myself to anything. But I’m curiously testing to see if my womanhood can protect me from myself. I can’t imagine myself falling in love anymore. My daydream worlds are too occupied with visions of the rapture, of me giving birth to my humanity. Yous all besta get ah hold on me because being in my 20s has taught me how to run across the sky and one day I’m gonna steal the fucking moon so that everybody learns to stop looking up.

#222 #stargirl

[transgenderknothead]

I know I've been gone for like ever, but I was working on something super cool, so without further adieu... I Want the Truth a creepy pasta fanfiction just under 2k words!

Truth is undefinable, yes it has a definition, not lying, but how do you determine what’s a lie and what isn’t? It’s difficult, especially when you get different answers from the same person. My mother always tells me I have no memory due to various different accidents. First she said car crash, then she said nearly drowned, then it was kidnapped, her current story is that I had been in a coma for most of my life due to a birth defect. When I ask why her story keeps changing she says she isn’t quite sure what is causing my memory loss, as all of those things happened. My friends and I were hanging out at the old children’s mental hospital, it had burned down about four years ago and ever since my friends and I would go and try to figure out why and how it had burned. So far we had found nothing, nothing that was in one piece anyway, we had found three shattered skull fragments and a lot of broken wood. We’d searched all over the building, except for one room, which we could never open. It was a metal door, that when we tried using axes, hatchets, and even random pieces of wood nearby, they fell apart before even reaching it. We have no idea what’s on the other side, but it feels important, and because my friends are stubborn, we will never stop trying to open it or get inside. “Again!” Toby, my boyfriend, yelled when the head of his metal axe fell off when it made contact with the door. “At least this time we hit it,” I rubbed his shoulder as he slumped, “and it looks like you even dented it.” “If his noodle arms dented it, imagine what I could’ve done,” his athletic twin brother, Evan, flexed. “I don’t know, why don’t ya punch it, see what happens,” Toby argued. “Would you two knock it off,” their 14 year old little sister Jessy rolled her eyes, “what did Mom and Dad say about you arguing all the time?” Toby rolled his eyes, a tiny smile appearing when we made eye contact. “We should head back,” I piped up a little. Back at the house Toby and I went into his room, separated from his twin by a curtain, the tall boy flopping onto his bed. “Are you okay?” I rubbed his back. “Something about that room just,” he rolled over, pulling me with him, “I don’t know, it makes no sense.” “What is it?” “It gives me a weird gut feeling,” he scratched my back lightly, “like something bad is behind it.” I had woken up in the middle of the night, bolting up in bed next to Toby. It was always the same nightmare. I’m sitting in a pitch black room, a fuzzy figure of a purple, pink, blue, and yellow jester with a hammer sitting in front of me. It seemed like it was trying to communicate with me, but I couldn’t hear, or even see, much of it. The next morning we all headed over to the mental hospital again. Toby, having hurt his hand playing guitar last night, was going to let me try opening the door with his brand new axe. So here we stood, axe held over my head, everyone else standing back. When I swung the door flew open and the axe hit the floor instead. “Um, to whichever deity is out there, please help,” Jessy whimpered. I walked in, it looked as though this room had the worst of it. An entire wall caved in, shattered glass everywhere, all of the furniture destroyed. The walls that were left standing had what was very obviously scratch marks from whatever child was in here. “Holy,” I whispered, spinning around to look at the room. I kept looking around until I saw the bed in the corner, it was rusted and broken to no end, but that isn’t what caught my attention. It was the seemingly untouched blue bunny stuffed animal holding a very broken, but unburned, Jack-in-the-Box. I reached for it instinctively, but Toby grabbed my wrist. “Don’t,” he whispered. “I just want to know,” I grabbed the toys, inspecting them, before dropping them and gasping. I slowly picked them back up, and cradled the bunny, who was now missing an eye. “What is it?” Evan stood in the doorway, very obviously too scared to enter the room fully. “My name,” I whispered, just loud enough

to hear, “it’s on both of these.” I twisted the toys to show the red stitched name on the bunny and the carved name on the box. “Oh god,” Jessy whispered. I clutched the toys to my chest and started running back. “WAIT!” Toby called. “I have to know, I need to know the truth about my memory, and the truth about these!” I yelled when he caught up to me, he let go and let me run. “Whoa, slow down kid, where’s the fire,” my mom jokes. “What’s this,” I held up the toys and her face went pale, “don’t even think about lying, I want the truth this time.” “They were a couple of toys your childhood friend’s gave you before they left,” she replied. “Okay, new question,” I stood up straighter, “why were they in the mental hospital?” She gasped and dropped her tea cup. She smiled, looking at me, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Mom, why can’t I remember anything? Don’t give me a story like you do every time.” “You still believed in imaginary friends,” she cried, “you were twelve, that’s not normal for a 12 year old kid! I had to do something to make you realize they were fake!” “So putting me in a hospital and drugging me into forgetting was your grand solution?” I yelled. “You don’t understand,” she started. “You’re right, I don’t understand, but what I do understand is that I’m not the type of person to believe something I haven’t seen, or hasn’t been proved to me,” I crossed my arms, knowing what I had to do. “Don’t do anything stupid,” my boyfriend spoke when they finally caught up. “I have to know,” I spoke before turning around, taking the toys with me, and running into the woods. I ran for a long time, a couple of memories coming back to me. Playing with a tall stuffed clown, a tall red headed man with long hair and wearing a feathery jacket handing me the blue bunny, setting the fire in the hospital. Eventually, I ran up to a familiar metal gate that led to a run down carnival. I opened the gate and it creaked. My heart was pounding in my chest as I clutched the bunny tighter to my chest, the Jack-in-the-Box in my hoodie pocket. I heard a twig snap by the merry go round, causing me to run into the hall of mirrors. I fell against a wall trying to stop myself from crying. “Oh Gumdrop,” a singsong voice came from the entrance. I hid farther into the dark corner, “you don’t need to hide, we’re friends!” I watched the black and white clown look around the room, his hands on his hips. His eyes meet mine, he smiles wider and gets closer. “Jack!” A voice laughed from behind him, the jester from my dreams stepped forward. “It��s her!” Jack pointed, and the jester looked my way. “I’ve been tryna reach ya,” he pulled me out of the dark, “but ya never heard me!” “I’m sorry,” I whimpered, his grip wasn’t tight, but I could tell neither of them were human. “Don’t be sorry! It aint your fault!” The jester giggled, pulling me out of the hall of mirrors and into the big tent, where three more inhuman entities were talking and working. One was a shorter man with black hair, a sketch pad, blue jacket, and a white mask with a red smile sitting next to him. Next to him was a more average height man with dark grey skiing, all black clothes, golden eyes, and what looked like a puppet hanging from golden strands of light coming from his fingers. Across from him was a very tall white haired man dressed like a magician and holding a wand. “There you are,” the man with the sketch book said. “We’ve been waiting for you to come back,” the grey man next to him continued. “She doesn’t remember us,” the magician looked at me. “I’m sorry,” I murmured. “Don’t apologize!” The jester rolled his eyes, “we’ll just reintroduce you!” “I’m Laughing Jack!” Jack spoke, “you used to call me L.J. for short!” “This is Puppeteer, who you called Pup,” the man with the sketchbook pointed at the man with the puppet. “This is Helen,” Puppeteer smiled, pointing at the one with the sketchbook. “I’m Papa El De Grande,”

the magician spoke, “you always called me Mr. Magic.” “I’m Candy Pop!” the jester tickled my sides, “you called me Pop.” “Where’s Jason?” L.J. looked around. “His workshop, fixing Mr. Bun Bun,” Puppeteer said, “it’d be best if she went alone.” Puppeteer took me over to a red and white tent near the big one. He told me to just go in, and that he’s never been mad when I was around because he never wanted to scare me away. “Jason?” I poked my head in, and was greeted by a big stuffed purple worm covered in patches. “Glutton!” A voice yelled from farther into the tent, “get over here!” I followed as the worm snaked towards a redhead man with golden eyes, putting an eye on the rabbit that I had come here with. “Jason?” He looked up at the calling of his name, smiling gently when he saw it was me. “It’s been a long time, Dolly,” he handed me the bunny, standing up he towered over me, “come on, let’s go for a walk.” During the walk he answered all of my questions that my mother refused to answer. He caught me up on all of the missing details of the past. And eventually led me back to the front gate. “It’s nearly time for you to get home,” pat my head. “Remember to just wind up the jack in the box when you want to see me!” Jack waved. “I’ll visit ya in your dreams again tonight, maybe now you’ll be able to hear me!” Candy Pop laughed. “Come back tomorrow,” Helen waved from his seat on the stairs of the merry-go-round. “Oh my god,” a voice came from behind me, my mother had her hand over her mouth as she glanced over the people I had spent my childhood with. “I was right, Mom,” I whispered. “Jason?” She whispered the name of the man who was trying to get away. “Yes?” He turned around slowly to look at my mother. “Oh my god,” she whispered, “Jason Meyers.” I looked at my mother at the use of our last name. Jason lowered his head. “Mom?” “You have been spending time with the spirit of your father, and I took that away,” her hand went over her heart, “oh, I am so sorry dear.” “Wait, Mom I didn’t even know,” I stuttered. “I needed to protect you from the things you weren’t ready to know,” he ushered us out, “now come back tomorrow, it’s getting late.” “We have to take your boyfriend to meet them tomorrow,” my mother spoke, causing Jason to look up, his eyes suddenly glowing green and his hair slowly turning white. “Okay,” Jack clapped his hands, his smile gone, “I think it’s time for bed.”

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta #jason the toymaker #Jason the toymaker x reader #jason the toymaker x reader #candy pop #laughing jack #puppeteer #Helen Otis #Bloody painter

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Kanato Route ー Chapter 4

ー The scene starts in front of the wagons

Yui: ( There’s more people around now, so it has become harder to look for Teddy. )

Kanato: Teddy...Hic...Where are you?

Yui: Kanato-kun, don’t cry?

Kanato: Then find Teddy for me.

Yui: Well...

Kanato: If you can’t, don’t tell me what to do!

Yui: ( I’d love to help him out, but I don’t have the faintest clue where Teddy might have run off to... )

Kanato: Why? ...Sniffle...Why do you do this...? Teddy...

Yui: ( Anyway, I have to calm him down... )

Kanato-kun, they’re selling candy over there! Why don’t we take a small break?

Kanato: Honestly, you are just so...How dare you say such a thing when Teddy has gone missing!?

Yui: T-That’s true but...Kanato-kun, I just figured that while your eyes are all teared up like that, you wouldn’t be able to see anything...Like that, you won’t be able to find Teddy either.

Kanato: Well...Sniffle, you might have a point there but...

Yui: See? Come on, let’s go?

Kanato: ...You really are hopeless. Fine then, I’ll go take a look.

Yui: ( Thank god... )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ...Kanato-kun, are they yummy?

Kanato: Yes...Eating something sweet helps me ease up.

Yui: I see, I’m glad.

( Well then, what should we do next? If we can’t find Teddy at all, we’ll just be running around in circles forever... )

( There’s still plenty of places we haven’t looked, but he can’t possibly have gone that far, right? )

Kanato: Nn...It’s delicious. I would have loved to share some with Teddy.

Say, Yui-san? I wonder why Teddy wouldn’t leave your side?

Yui: I don’t know either.

Kanato: Don’t tell me...The two of you aren’t working together to deceive me, are you?

Yui: Of course not! I mean, I can’t even understand what Teddy says...

Kanato: I don’t want to hear your excuses! If it turns out that’s the truth...I won’t forgive you either!

Yui: Wait, listen to me...!

Selection

→ Grab his hand

Yui: Kanato-kun, please. Listen to me.

( His hand...It’s shaking. )

Kanato: What’s wrong? No point in trying to limit the movements of my hand.

I can easily overpower you if I so wish to. 

Yui: No! I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to put you at ease...

Kanato: You’re lying!

Yui: I’m not!

( Seems like it had the opposite effect... )

→ Embrace him (☾)

*Rustle*

Yui: Kanato-kun...Please, listen?

Kanato: ...What?

Yui: It definitely isn’t what you think.

I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure Teddy has a reason for what he’s doing...

Kanato: There you go again, spouting random nonsense again...Then what reason would he have...!?

Yui: Kanato-kun, calm down...!

Kanato: Shut up!

...Right. If I torment you, Teddy might show up...

I’ll suck your blood right here, right now. 

Yui: Eh? W-Why would you...? We’re surrounded by other Vampires right now...

Reiji-san said you shouldn’t suck my blood anywhere others can see us...

ー Kanato moves closer

Kanato: I don’t care about that. You are my prey, so all you need to do is shut up and listen to what I say.

Yui: N-No...!

*Rumble*

Yui: ...Eh?

( What’s that sound...? It feels like the ground’s shaking... )

ー The people around them start shouting

Kanato: Shut up all of you...! Don’t get in my way!

Yui: ( The crowd suddenly grew restless. I wonder what’s going on? )

*Thump thump*

Yui: ( Also this sound, almost as if something is approaching us... )

...I-Is that...!?

Kanato: Eh? ...Teddy!?

Yui: Eh!? That’s Teddy? How did he get this big...?

( No way...!? Teddy became super sized...!? )

*RUMBLE*

*THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

Kanato: Teddy, quit joking around!

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: ( He got more than just big...He’s around the same height as the buildings around us. )

( How...? )

*THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

ー Big Teddy tries to pick up Yui

Yui: Eh!? Kyaaaah!!

( Something suddenly grabbed hold of me and I’m being pulled up? )

Kanato: Yui-san!

Yui: Kanato-kun, save me!

( I’m moving further and further away from the ground...He’s got a tight grip on me, so I can’t move. )

( I’m scared...! )

Teddy! Let me go!!

*THUD THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

Kanato: Teddy! Where are you going!? Wait...Give her back!

Big Teddy: ...

*THUD THUD THUD*

Kanato: Teddyーーーーー!!

ー The scene shifts to the Carnival’s venue

*THUD THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: ( I got scooped up by the super sized Teddy...and have been stuck in his fluffy arms ever since. )

( He seemed to be headed straight somewhere, but where could that be? )

( His movements are slow, but his steps are big, so we keep on proceeding forward. )

*Clap clap clap*

Male Vampire A: The Carnival never disappoints! The final parade is truly magnificent!

Female Vampire A: My thoughts exactly...Fufu, should I try waving at them?

Yui: ( This is...They think this is all part of an act, don’t they...? )

(  The Vampires are all waving their hands in the air or running up to us...We’re the centre of attention. )

Hey, Teddy! Why are you doing this?

Big Teddy: ...

Kanato: Wait!

Yui: Kanato-kun!

Kanato: Please wait, Teddy!

Let go of her, please! Hey, you can hear me, right!?

Listen to me...!

Give her back!

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: ( I can hear Kanato-kun’s voice all the way up here but...Does it not reach Teddy? )

Teddy! Can’t you hear what he’s saying!?

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: Teddy, I’m begging you. Put me down!

*THUD THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: ( It’s no use, doesn’t seem like he’ll stop in his tracks any time soon. )

( If not even Kanato-kun can get through to him, then there’s no way my voice would reach him. )

( No, but, I shouldn’t give up, right...? )

ー The scene shifts to the path to the castle

Yui: ( We immediately lost sight of Kanato-kun again. )

( Furthermore, Teddy wouldn’t turn towards him a single time... )

( ...Kanato-kun...Where are you? )

*THUD THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: Say, Teddy? ...Eh? He stopped?

( He carefully stepped through the gate with his large frame...Is he planning to enter the castle? )

( Eh? This is... )

ー The scene shifts to the ballroom

*Thud*

Big Teddy: ...

*THUD THUD THUD*

Yui: ( What’s going on...!? There’s a bunch of Vampires in formal wear. )

*THUD THUD*

Male Vampire D: The Queen of the Carnival has made her arrival!

Yui: ( Eh...? )

ー The crowd cheers

*Clap clap clap*

Male Vampire D: Long live the Queen~! (1)

Female Vampire C: She really showed up with a bang! I expected no less!

Male Vampire D: Well, that’s the Queen for you, no? Things are finally firing up!

Female Vampire C: Oh dear? Speaking of which, where could the King of the Carnival be?

Yui: ( The King? Right, if there’s a Queen, it wouldn’t be strange for there to be a King as well. )

ー Kanato bursts into the room

Kanato: Wait!

Yui: Kanato-kun!

Big Teddy: ...

Kanato: Teddy...I’ve finally got you cornered. Come on, give her back!

Big Teddy: ...

*THUD THUD THUD*

Kanato: Teddy, what are you doing!? Can’t you tell that’s dangerous!?

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: Teddy, stop!

Kanato: Why...? Why would you trouble me like this? Tell me!

You should know very well just how important she is to me...!

Yui: ( Kanato-kun...!? )

*THUD THUD THUD*

Big Teddy: ...

Kanato: Eh? You kidnapped her because I said that...? 

No way...I love you, Teddy. However, she just happens to be equally important to me...

Can’t you tell? You’re both precious to me!

So you won’t accomplish anything trying to take her away from me, understand?

Big Teddy: ...

*THUD THUD THUD*

Kanato: ...You can’t, Teddy! Don’t destroy her...!

Yui: Destroy...Me?

( Is that why he scooped me up...!? )

Big Teddy: ...

ー Teddy starts squeezing her

Yui: Uu...I can’t...breathe...

Kanato: Cut it out! Let her go! This is an order, Teddy!

Yui: ( Ah...I can’t...I’m losing the strength in my body... )

Kanato: When you do such a thing, I hate you!

You’re well aware of just how much I treasure her, right?

Teddy...You’re the one who has always been watching over me from up close, no? There’s plenty of things I have only ever told you as well.

Yet, you’re out there hurting the person I love. 

I don’t want to see you like that...!

Hey, I’m begging you, Teddy. ...Return her to me at once. I’m the only one who can hurt her!

I won’t let anyone take her away from me...She...belongs to me!

Big Teddy: ...

*THUD THUD THUD*

Yui: Teddy...?

Teddy’s approaching Kanato-kun?

*THUD THUD THUD*

Kanato: I won’t forgive you even if you cry. However...I just can’t bring myself to hate you.

So, Teddy...Please give her back to me?

Big Teddy: ...

Yui: ( Ah...He’s loosening his grip. )

ー Teddy suddenly goes back to normal

Kanato: Teddy...went back to normal?

Yui: ( My body was hurled into the air...? )

Kyaaahーー!

Kanato: Yui-san, watch out! (2)

*Thud*

Yui: ( Nn...I...? )

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: I finally got you back.

I can’t bear seeing someone else touch you...Even if that other person is Teddy.

Yui: Kanato-kun...

Kanato: You must never, ever leave my side.

ー The crowd cheers once more

*Clap clap clap*

Female Vampire C: Long live the King~!

Female Vampire D: The King and Queen are finally together! This calls for a celebration!

Kanato: ...What is this ruckus about?

It appears that they are talking about us but...

Yui: Yeah...

( Besides, everyone has got their eyes on us, surrounding us while Kanato-kun is holding me in his arms like a princess. )

( This might be a little embarrassing... )

*Flap flap flap*

Yui: Kanato-kun, a bat...

Kanato: Yeah...Eh? A message from Father?

We are Adam and Eve?

Yui: ( Adam and Eve...? )

Kanato: A grand celebration for the birth of a new King and Queen...?

Which means Father was behind all of this...?

Yui: Eh...? Then Teddy moving as well...

Kanato: ...He wanted to hold a Carnival to celebrate the newfound Adam and Eve, but a regular one would be too dull so...

He pulled a few minor pranks, he says.

Yui: Eh!? F-For that reason!?

Then, the whole ‘Queen of the Carnival’ thing was just an excuse to get me to the Demon World!?

Also, I wonder what he means by ‘Adam and Eve’...?

Kanato: How am I supposed to know that!?

Yui: S-Sorry...

Kanato: ...able.

Yui: Eh?

Kanato: Simply unforgivable!

Yui: Kyah...! Kanato-kun, don’t suddenly let go...

*Rustle rustle*

Kanato: I won’t let him get away with using Teddy like that!!

Father never changes...He keeps on taking everything precious away from me...

Even though he knows very well just how much Teddy means to me!!

He’s obviously watching us from somewhere right now! I won’t forgive him, never!

Yui: Kanato-kun, c-calm down...More importantly, where is Teddy...?

Kanato: Ah, Teddy!

ー Kanato scoops him up

Kanato: Thank god...This is the Teddy I know and love.

Welcome back, Teddy. You finally made it back to me, huh?

...Yeah, exactly. Here, you should make up with Teddy as well, Yui-san.

Yui: Sure...Thank you for coming back safe and sound, Teddy.

Kanato: Fufu...Teddy is happy too.

Yui: I see, I’m glad...

Kanato: But, that must have been scary, Teddy? I’m so sorry...

I have to make sure I get revenge for all those horrible things Father did to you...

I wonder what would work? ...Say, do you have any ideas, Yui-san?

Yui: Uhm...?

Kanato: Teddy says he’ll agree to your offer as well. What do you want to do?

Burn him at the stake? Or drown him? (3) What do you prefer?

Yui: I-I’ll keep that for later...

Right now...Ah, look! They brought out a large buffet!

We walked all over the place, so I’m sure the two of you are starving, right?

Kanato: ...You say that, but your stomach’s the one growling.

Yui: Eh?

Kanato: Just kidding. ...Fufu, understood.

In that case, let’s dig in. What do you say, Teddy?

Yui: ( Hoh...Thank god... )

Kanato: Come on, hurry up.

Yui: Yes! Wah, don’t pull me!

*Rustle*

ー Kanato drags her along

Kanato: Can’t do. I have to keep a firm grip on you, so you can never slip away from me again.

Yui: Yeah...Thank you. I’m so glad you saved me.

Also...

( Even though it was embarrassing to hear him openly admit to his feelings for me like that, I felt happy... )

Kanato: ...What are you grinning for?

Yui: No, I just thought about how happy I am. That you think of me as...

Kanato: What could you be talking about?

If I don’t keep a close eye on you, you’ll end up putting me to shame. ...That’s all.

Yui: ( Uu...Still, that doesn’t change the fact he treasures me. )

Thank you...Fufu.

Kanato: Haah...You are such a strange girl. I really can’t take my eyes off you for even one second. 

Please don’t ever disappear on me again, understood?

Say, Yui-san?

Let’s enjoy the Carnival. The three of us together...Okay?

We’ll give Father a nice show.

Yui: Kanato-kun...

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) They use the term ばんざい or ‘banzai’, which is a typical Japanese cheer meaning ‘hooray’. It is often accompanied by the action of throwing both arms into the air. 

(2) While the text says ‘Yui-san’, the voice says ‘abunai!’ which means ‘watch out!’, so I combined both in my translation.

(3) 水責め or ‘mizu-zeme’ is a torture technique which involves having someone ingest large amounts of water, sometimes leading to death.

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 3

→ PROCEED TO FINALE ENDING

→ PROCEED TO NORMAL ENDING

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #kanato sakamaki #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #vckanatochapter4

[jazzythursday]

My Take on The Loki Series, And All The Things I Would Change About/Add To It If I Could (in vaguely chronological order)

Small disclaimer: This is just a compilation of all the ideas I had for ways the Loki Series could have gone, expanding on the main premise. It doesn’t cover everything, simply the aspects of the plot that I felt compelled to diverge from specifically. It’s not meant as an overly harsh critique of the show, just alternate possibilities. A… variant of the show if you will (It’s also egregiously long and yet I had to stop myself from saying more).

The series opens in the TVA with a display of the branching timeline that Loki created. We don’t meet any characters yet or see anyone’s faces, only hearing readings of codes and tracking of the Loki ‘variant’ before switching to Loki.

After traveling with the Tesseract, he takes in his surroundings (it can be the Gobi Desert but the thing with the Mongolians does not happen) but before he can get too far the TVA shows up.

I think it would be interesting to have a sequence of Loki evading them in different environments. Teleporting to different areas/planets and using different forms/disguises (maybe we see a Lady Loki in a restaurant, our Loki, and a few other outfits), however the TVA finds him every time no matter where or what form.

Eventually he gets fed up of running and confronts them directly. This should be an actual fight, i.e. magic and a Loki who is committed to not being taken down again. Ultimately through use of magic dampening technology or other means (but for the love of god not whatever that punch was), he is apprehended and taken into the TVA.

I think the TVA should have been a lot more crowded. They control/ monitor all of time, so we should have seen tons of variants of all shapes/colors/styles/species, maybe even a few characters we recognize (like in the concept art for the show). Show us that Loki is not special here, he is just another variant to be processed and done with, like all the others.

Loki will have already noticed and felt a lack of magic at the TVA, maybe he tried to use it already so by the time we get to the judge his main concern is talking his way out—Putting his ‘silver tongue’ to use. (Lack of magic in the TVA would be referenced later as well when Loki goes to summon a knife or use magic, only to remember that he can’t there).

This is a very small point but if the TVA knows him as Laufeyson, he absolutely would take offense to that. It’s been one year since he found out about and killed his birth father, I’d assume wants nothing to do with the title. Of course the TVA wouldn’t care, and we’d probably get something like:

“I am Loki, of Asgard, and you will address me as such.”

“I think you’ll find out things work a little differently here at the TVA, Mr. Laufeyson.”

Before he’s able to be pruned we have Mobius step in and plead his case.

If the show wants to portray Mobius as a friend we’ll see him have sympathy and conflicts about the TVA from the beginning. He doesn’t quite fit in, he’s bored of the monotony of the place and he has remorse for what they’re doing, but knows it’s not his place to question it. I like the idea of him being somewhat of a fan of Loki (they did mention this in the show but then proceeded to have him belittle Loki every time he opened his mouth which is uh… a choice). Mobius needs Loki’s help but he also has the desire to help Loki. He’s seen how his life plays out and understands that there’s more in him than his worst decisions. I think that Mobius secretly/ subconscious wants a bit of chaos, that he’s intrigued by Loki and as an analyst has an interest in understanding him.

Loki vs B15 would ideally happen before Loki returns to the time theater with the Tesseract instead of after. It would not be so easy for her to physically overpower him as even without magic he still has enhanced strength. (The minutemen show no signs of being genetically much stronger than humans, so arguably without use of their technology it’s obvious he could take one in a fight.

Back in the time theater after Loki’s watched the reel of his life, much of the conversation happens the same albeit with a greater emphasis on Loki’s true motivations and his feelings of powerlessness in his role. A bit about Thanos too (realistically vague). Perhaps he thought at the time he was doing what he wanted, but is starting to realize he doesn’t know anymore. Then we see a version of:

“I can’t promise you salvation, but maybe I can offer you something better.”

“A proposition, I see you have done your research. So tell me, agent, what would you have me do?”

Mobius explains why they need him to track down a variant of himself, and they shake on it. It’s clear that neither of them trust each other yet, but there is a mutual understanding that they will work together anyway.

Their friendship should grow naturally, slowly gaining each other’s trust until they see each other as true allies. In this there are more episodes than in the actual show (I’ll say 8 instead of 6). Give them a few more adventures and a bit more time for splitting up to hurt.

In Roxxcart, we see more use of magic. He dries himself off, maybe shape shifts into/imitates B15 or a minuteman. Loki uses illusions in the fight against the variant. He tries to reason with and understand what they are doing and why. The fight is somewhat matched although Loki is still holding back, fighting with misdirection as the variant fights using possession. Neither of them are showing themselves, and in an attempt to make the variant stop hiding, Loki disperses all the doubles and asks them to do the same. He takes a chance and this is how the variant gets the upper hand, setting off the branches and then revealing herself as Sylvie.

(Side note: In the concept art for the show, Loki changes into his Asgardian outfit by the time he and Sylvie are on Lementis. I definitely could see that working either when the fight begins/during it, or when he goes through the time door. In either case I think it would be somewhat of a gesture to Sylvie that he is not truly aligned with the TVA, thus setting them both apart/ in opposition to it.)

Instead of romance, Sylvie and Loki forge a bond through seeing themselves in each other throughout the series. They talk about the differences in their past and how they got there. They bicker and make each other laugh and rather than Sylvie just insulting Loki, it’s a mutual rapport. Loki gives just as good as he gets and they find they can work better together than apart.

On Lementis, Loki easily gets them into the train by impersonating a guard (or by conjuring tickets).

They talk about magic. How Sylvie is untrained but self taught and doesn’t understand hers very well. Loki can talk about how he views magic/his magic (we can maybe pull a few things from Norse beliefs about seiðr here). Does he view it as a part of himself? Something honed and precise? I want magic to be portrayed as an artful practice, and I want him to help Sylvie understand hers.

Loki gets drunk and they’re kicked out of the train. This reads as funny because Loki will have been sharp and competent throughout the show so far, so him losing his cool and failing the plan is unexpected.

Instead of the Tempad breaking for absolutely no reason, they argue over where to go/ how to use it. This leads to them both having a hand at accidentally destroying it because of self interest and refusing to work together. It illustrates again that they are stronger together but in conflict they are their own worst enemy (much like Loki in general which ties into a bigger metaphor for all his shortcomings).

Expanding on the magic thing, Sylvie and Loki through the series learn from each other. Loki can teach her some of his magic, and Slyvie can teach him enchantment (which he’s read about but never really mastered, although he approaches learning it like any other spell).

Loki could show her an illusion of Asgard as he remembers it. And in doing so we see that both of them long for it. Because for all Loki has claimed to renounce it, he misses home, and he and the audience see the same thing in Sylvie.

I think it would be interesting for Sylvie to let him enchant her, and we can see one of her memories. Maybe it’s when she was taken, maybe it’s on the run, maybe it’s a happy place, but it gives us insight into her character and past. I’m on the fence if Slyvie should enchant Loki, but if she did I’d pick them accidentally going back to the day Odin took him (which is how we deal with the icy blue elephant in the room that the writers refuse to tackle). Let Loki be conflicted and angry and unsure how he feels about it. This could once again be a moment where Loki and Sylvie connect because it’s (I’m assuming) where both their stories began. It’s a mirror of both of their origins, and she helps him see some good in that.

In the void (which is renamed something else so as to not get confused with the void™ that Loki fell into in Thor 2011) Loki learns from and connects with his other variants. They all have a point to being there, and he starts to reflect on what makes him him and what role he wants to play now.

When Sylvie and Mobius show up they agree on the plan to kill Aliyoth, either because it will stop anyone else from being killed by the TVA, or because they think he is guarding the entrance to whoever is behind everything.

Loki later asks Sylvie if she had a Thor. She did but probably doesn’t remember him much. What she does remember, she tells him. Through talking to both Classic Loki and Sylvie it’s recognized that he does miss his brother, that all Loki’s do, and that they are constants meant to aid each other and fight and suffer but always be brothers in any universe.

When they finally fight Aliyoth Loki summons new armor/his helm. Along with Kid Loki giving him Laevateinn, each Loki also gives him something to remember them or aid in their quest (yay Loki solidarity!). When I say this I mean daggers! Daggers dear gods have one of them give him daggers, boy needs some knives.

When they realize they can’t kill him, Sylvie has the idea to use enchantment. Like in the show, Sylvie can’t do it on her own and so they join hands and combine their powers together, revealing the Citadel beyond. They look at each other and agree that they have to move forward.

“Do we trust each other?”

“We do.”

Inside the Citadel we have Kang himself make the offer to give them what they wish. Sylvie can get the life that was stolen from her. Loki could be offered a Throne, he could be offered to be the first born, or to be a true Æsir, or kill Thanos, but ultimately he denies. He’s realized throughout the show that he’d rather be different, he’d rather be him, and he won’t settle for a fantasy world that isn’t real.

The message is about choice, about free will, chaos. Every choice you make directly results in who you become, every action changes how your story goes, and Loki understands that no one has the right to limit that.

In this it is Sylvie though, who is tempted. She has been on a quest for revenge her whole life, she never had a home, doesn’t remember feeling loved, and in the end it is a fight against temptation, and Loki knows all about that.

They fight each other, and break their vow of trust because ultimately they are each other but they are also different. They clash until Loki is able to talk her down, to relate to her, to show that he “just wants her to be okay” and reaffirms her goal. Kang of course continues to be self assured in his predictions. I’d imagine here is where we could get a declarative sort of speech like “I am Loki, God of Mischief,” They join hands “and no one tells our story” or… something to that affect.

Loki and Sylvie fight to destroy Kang together, and here we discover that if he is killed the multiverse opens, and the war of his variants will begin anew. We see flashbacks of Kang’s past and variants played out, and how he came to be at the citadel. Sylvie can talk about why it’s better to have chaos than to sanitize history and kill in the name of the greater good.

The show ends with the death of Kang and the splintering of the timelines. With Sylvie and Loki looking out the window into the fracturing strands of time.

Other changes and thoughts

Tone: the tone I’d imagine this would take on is possibly a bit more serious than the canon show. While it’s still comedy, it would be much less cartoonish, and generally fit in with the rest of the MCU a little easier.

In relation to Mobius:

Mobius’s crisis of faith would be a long time coming. Throughout the show we see him hesitate more and more to do as the TVA asks, and have an increasingly harder time justifying their actions. Learning that the whole thing is a lie is simply the tipping point that drives him to act.

In his confrontation with Renslayer he’d be a lot more driven/succinct. If he wants the TVA to burn then he wants the TVA to burn. He sees the wrongness in it’s entirety and attempts to convince Renslayer the same thing. When it’s clear that she is unreachable/ still sure of her mission, they come to an impasse. They each threaten to prune the other, parallel and matched on opposite sides of their belief. Ultimately though, neither can go through with it, and (if we’re sticking mostly with the canon ending) she leaves through a time door to who knows when to search for who knows what and Mobius and B15 regroup.

In relation to the other Loki’s:

I’m still on the fence how many Loki’s would be played by Tom, but I think the answer is, if not almost all, then at least more than we got.

Each Loki should read as distinctly Loki in essence. Less comic easter eggs and more focus on understanding the established canon character. Even greater in this scene though is the focus on the theme of choice. If there’s time we could learn what choices led up to each variant being apprehended, and see just a bit of how they feel about it. It’s about how our choices dictate who we become, rather than pre-set paths of completely separate realities and lives to our Loki’s.

I love Classic Loki’s speech about how it’s their destiny to play a certain part and if they try and change it the TVA stops them. I’d like our Loki, while conflicted about if he can truly change, to be motivated to try and finally brake the chains that have always restricted him (first his father, then Thanos, now the TVA). I also think here is where we could talk about how abrupt their end is ‘meant’ to be. That he was working on being better, that he had apparently helped his people and reconciled with his brother. That not only was his life cut short, but that the finality of that conclusion wasn’t truly the only way, but simply decided for him.

In relation to themes:

“What makes a Loki a Loki?” Is a question that should loom in the background of the whole series. Starting with Mobius’s interrogation when he’ll begin questioning his place in the universe and his understanding of himself, and ending with the finale confrontation with Kang where he’ll answer it.

“No one bad is ever truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good.” Is similarly something I think should have been a continued focus. Loki is considered a morally grey character and a chaos god, and thus none of his actions are black and white. Others may try and decide who he is at his core, but fundamentally the conclusion is not about deciding to be a hero, but deciding to be true to yourself and doing better.

“The banality of evil” in relation to the TVA. It’s clear from the first ten minutes of the actual show that the TVA is corrupt, unjust, and unnatural in their cleansing of the multiverse… so lean into it! I’m not necessary talking about changing much here, just that the narrative framing displays their actions as deplorable as they are.

“Glorious Purpose” is um… not something I think needed to be the main focus here. I might be biased because I buy into the theory that “you were made to be ruled” “freedom is life’s greatest lie” and “I am burdened with glorious purpose” are messages that have been somewhat impressed upon him rather than beliefs he came to realize on his own, but I do think it was somewhat oversimplified and overused in the series.

You are the writer of your own story. This is the message I expected the show to end with, and it’s what I’m personally trying to convey through these musings. This story ends with Loki taking back his destiny, forging a new one, connecting with himself and others and helping to free the timelines. He’s not the worst things he’s ever done, he’s not a villain, he’s not a benevolent hero. Loki is just Loki, Sylvie is just Sylvie, and you are just you, whoever we decide to be (that was cheesy I’m sorry).

#Loki series rewrite #loki series critical #I’m going to regret posting this #not technically negativity but tagging just in case #loki series negativity #i feel like either no one will read this or only very rude people will 😅 #oh boy #loki series #this is a load of shit but after the writing in the show I refuse to be embarrassed #Loki #jazzy’s thinking too much again

[sweetsubharry]

hi! can you give me your hottest, dirtiest, filthiest bottom harry fics?

Hiya!! Yes I can! ^-^

Now there are 41 different fics under this list, so it’s quite long! Obviously what people find dirty/filthy can be a large range, so if you ever want to narrow it down just send another message like ‘no plot’ for example :) and then I can make it more suited to your taste if this one isn’t! I hope you enjoy this though love ❤

In case no one gets to the bottom of the page I’ll say it again here too! Please make sure to stay safe and read the tags!! ❤ ❤

you're my favorite ride by louislovesharry

no summary 

At Least As Deep As the Pacific Ocean (I wanna be yours) by babylouis

Louis can’t help but stop and watch him for a moment, how beautiful he looks, sprawled out on the bed, his cock red and hard against his tummy, collar snug against his neck and the bow still placed neatly in his curls to keep them back from Harry’s face.

His boy may be the most beautiful creature on the planet.

Especially tied up like this, body begging to be fucked. Begging to be destoryed.

or

Louis likes to push boundaries, and Harry takes what he gets. Lots of subspace Harry and fonding Louis ensues.

redder than the devil by mercutionotromeo

It's half past 9, and all Harry wants is for Louis to touch him. Preferably after a good spanking.

If you combine a lazy Saturday afternoon with a distracting, pouty Harry, you'll end up with Louis spanking his baby over his knee in the middle of a paused FIFA match.

Pretty please, take care of me ? by kurtcobain

Louis is stressed. Harry wants to help.

Step into the Light by Smolbeanandhisqween

Harry is on the set of his new music video "Lights Up". His husband, Louis, is watching him film the video. He gets jealous of all of the people touching Harry and teaches him a lesson.

Destroy Me, King by stylinsexualxo

After SNL, jealous Louis has a little surprise for Harry when he arrives home.

Can We Pretend (honestly reality bores me) by SadaVeniren

He felt Louis chuckle. “Dreaming of being my supportive, no-name boyfriend again?”

“Always,” Harry whispered. It was true. After all this time together there was no point in hiding any of his fantasies from Louis, no matter how innocent they were. So Louis was well aware of Harry’s desire to be anonymous sometimes - the “no-name” as Louis called him - loyal, a constant presence at Louis’ side.

aka Harry comes and supports Louis at his Scala concert

Let Me Be Good For You by onlyhuman for haroldtbh

His distress over the bun is nothing compared to the thrill Louis feels shoot up his spine at the outfit Harry’s donned. He’s changed into leather jeans that cling to his legs, hugging his thighs snugly. On top of it, a floaty, black sheer shirt is contouring his frame, doing absolutely nothing to hide his puffy nipples or the endless array of tattoos scattered across his torso. It’s Louis’ favourite outfit in the entire world.

Or, Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt.

You Like Playing Games by orphan_account

Louis knows Harry likes to flirt and tease. Louis knows that he doesn’t particularly like when Harry flirts and teases. Louis knows that Harry knows that Louis doesn’t particularly like it.

But what Louis doesn’t quite know is why, despite that, Harry’s decided to grind against 5 Seconds of Summer’s Luke Hemmings during “Teenage Dirtbag” in the last show in Melbourne.

Basically pure smut.

Do Not Disturb (kiss me beneath the milky twilight) by SadaVeniren

“I was talking with Nick a couple months back and he was saying how our sex life seemed boring and we’d need to keep doing new and interesting things to keep it exciting or else we’d become boring and heterosexual and I defended us of course but then work picked up and we started living off of studio handjobs and missionary position sex in the dark and so I panicked. I googled BDSM and after looking into it I really want to try some of it because I think we’d enjoy it but we just don’t have the time.”

aka Harry doesn't want to become a boring old married couple a year into their relationship and tries to spice up their sex life.

Forgetting Frisco by iwillpaintasongforlou

Harry probably knew when he decided to wear that goddamn sheer shirt onstage in Toronto that it was going to drive Louis absolutely insane with want. He probably didn't know that Louis was going to proceed to fuck him so good he had flashbacks for years to come just like Frisco, but then again, you won't hear him complaining.

(Basically 6k of Louis worshipping Harry's body and doing it all in front of a mirror so Harry can worship, too.)

Mon Petit by coffinofachimera

Harry wears the 'Mon Petit' sweater while Louis records them on their private 

falling for you, i can't keep away by hegotthedagger plane

Harry wants Louis really bad and Louis might want him just as much.

Always In My Heart by sweaterpawstyles

The tweet itself was not startling at all. Harry saw people retweet it nearly every day for years now. It always made him smile to see how many people had retweeting Louis showing his love for Harry on that day.

What was startling was underneath where the fan had retweeted it, Harry saw the small number 1M written on it.

Harry froze, completely unable to move anything in his body. He knew Louis had the second most retweeted tweet of all time, but it reached a million retweets. One million people believed in Louis' love for Harry. Or AIMH hits 1 million & facetime sex ensues

You and Me by louisgrindsonharry

Harry and Louis have dabbled in the idea of BDSM but Harry finally wants to take it farther and Louis has to figure out how to take care of his boy.

they shake, you conquer (and I'm left to their devices) by butidontreallycare

smut. a little love for Harry's thighs, but mostly just smut. I am not ashamed

Daddy Came Home by RuinedBy5Guys

“You got yourself off.” He says quietly, his eyes locked on Harry’s. Harry’s face flushes and he tries to cover it, shoving himself towards Louis. He drops to his knees, leaning close between his husbands spread thighs. He puts his hands on his dress pants, carefully feeling the material at his knees.

“How did you know?” He asks quietly. Louis drops his face, grabbing over Harry’s hands with his own. Harry lowers his gaze, staring at the carpet underneath him.

“You were asleep. You always get tired after an orgasm. Not to mention how flushed you are.” He says quietly, raking his eyes over Harry’s body. Harry glances up at him, his actions becoming more clear to him now that Louis was home.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, dropping his eyes again.

“What was that?” Louis snaps, reaching to bring Harry’s face up again. Harry gulps, shuffling closer on his knees, the joints aching already.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Harry says, his green eyes locked on Louis’ blue ones. Louis smiles slightly, stroking his fingers over his husbands cheeks softly.

“Just gonna have to spank you now, aren’t I?”

OR... Harry teases and Daddy punishes him in the best ways possible

take me into your loving arms by blankiehxrry

twas the night of the brit awards

I Wanna Do What Bunnies Do With You by MoreThanTonight

“Lou.. Not here?” Harry pulled off with a gasp. “There are people in the next room. What if they hear us?“

“Then I guess you’ll just have to be quiet, won’t you, love?” Louis winked.

It's Harry's birthday and Louis wants to make it a birthday he won't forget. Louis is an art student, Harry is his boyfriend and muse.

if they find out, will it all go wrong? by blankiehxrry

madison square garden shenanigans

Happy Birthday by sleepingalone

“You wanna use that right now?” he asked incredulously, wondering how horny Louis must be. They had just fucked a few hours ago, before falling asleep. Surely he didn’t want to use it already.

“You said we had to wait till my birthday, and it’s my birthday,” Louis said cheekily, throwing Harry a small grin. Harry groaned into the pillow, burying his head in it.

“But I’m tired, Lou. I need my beauty rest.”

“I already undid the packaging,” Louis whined. “Please, can we just do it real quick? It would really make my day. My birthday,” he added. “You can go to sleep afterwards, Sleeping Beauty.”

or

Louis just really wants to use his new vibrating butt plug on Harry and turn him into a broken mess.

I Knew Right From the Beginning That You Would End Up Winning by aalexandravictoriaa

"I remember the first day I met you," Louis says, using his thumbs to make Harry open up to him even more. "I remember wanting to take you right there on the fucking street. I wanted to bend you over and bury myself in you over and over again. I couldn't then, but I'm going to now, baby. First with my tongue, then with my cock."

OR

Harry is Louis' favorite camboy and Louis becomes his Daddy.

In Motion by FictitiousFanatisch (orphan_account)

They'd only talked about it once a few weeks ago. Harry always liked it when Louis was in control and he said there was something about being denied constantly that made him even more turned on.

or

It's a lazy day and Harry wants Louis to edge him. (That's literally it.)

I'm Gonna Love You (Until You Hate me) by sweaterpawstyles

As if reading his mind, Louis glanced over his glasses at Harry, presumably because Harry didn't reply to his statement earlier.

"I decided to get my glasses out again," he chuckled, winking at Harry. "Do you like them?"

Harry felt his face heat up. No, he didn't just like them. He fucking loved them and wanted to ride Louis and call him daddy while he wore them. But he didn't want to just tell Louis this.

Or

Louis wears glasses and Harry doesn't like to be teased

I have often prayed for an angel by orphan_account

“Daddy,” he whines, voice already growing high in pitch. “Can I? Please?” “Of course angel,” Louis whispers fondly, hand tangling in Harry’s hair as he brushes it back. He loves Harry’s long strands, maybe even more than Harry does himself. “You look so beautiful on your knees like that, so eager to suck my cock.” “Mhm,” Harry hums, already licking at Louis’ slit. He begins to suckle softly at the head, peering up at Louis with wide eyes. The angel wings stretch on either side of him, and it’s so obscene, how filthy the act they’re doing is in contrast to the white feathers adorning Harry’s back. “Love your cock Daddy.” Or, the one in which Louis fucks Harry in the VS wings after he wears them onstage.

down and dirty, you're loving me so loud by orphan_account

Harry's finally twenty and there's a few things he wants.

feels so good getting what i want. by stylescantstop

Harry is a slutty yoga teacher with his sights set on Louis and Louis wants to pull that long hair of his while he fucks him really hard from behind.

Empyrean, You Fool by becauseitrhymes

Louis only realized it was actually happening once the reality of getting to carry boxes to his new flat settled in. He’d moved out of his parent’s just two days prior, with a stomach full of butterflies and no knowledge of how to do anything remotely adult, like, at all.

He’s only twenty-three years old, too, and he thinks he’s done pretty well for such a young age, considering he’s bought a flat with his money and had driven his car to get there and hadn’t cried (much) when leaving his parents. All in all, Louis thinks it’s pretty cool.

And then he’s sitting on his couch watching football in his lounge in his flat and hell yeah, it’s pretty cool.

AU where Louis moves next door to Harry, Louis falls in love with Harry, sex ensues.

Love Me Like You Do by sweaterpawstyles

Of all of the things Louis had imagined, never did he expect to become a chief editor for a magazine and to date the world-famous model Harry Styles. But he certainly never imagined one day that he would be anxiously awaiting a phone call from the top floor of an office building to tell the Harry Styles to get himself dolled up and ready to wait for his Daddy to come home before he got fucked into the mattress.

Or

Harry is a famous model and Louis is a quiet writer who may or may not be his Dom

A Hard Day's Work by louisruinedlife (orphan_account)

A bad day at work for Harry usually means turning in early. A bad day at work for Louis leads to something else entirely.

*Can be read as a stand alone.

the big idea by orphan_account

University students Harry and Zayn are filming a prank for YouTube that requires Harry to walk around campus asking random men if he could suck their dick. One of the guys, Louis, who agrees to such offer is too attractive for Harry to pass down.

He doesn't think its much of a prank anymore after that.

throw me in the deep end, watch me drown by orphan_account

“That's why you were late, eh?” he teases as Harry frantically tries to hide the dildos and the collar in the drawer. “Having too much fun to think about good ole Louis?”

“You were having fun too,” Harry replies weakly. Louis honestly has never seen a person be in such a shade of red.

“Yeah, but my fun didn't involve colourful dildos and nipple clamps.”

or the one where louis really needs to pass his a-levels and harry is his tutor who doesn’t really own a dog.

Give It To Me (I'm Worth It) by sweaterpawstyles

"Who the hell puts lube packets in their sock?"

"A boy who wanted to get fucked in the locker room by his daddy," Harry said innocently. "I have my good intentions, Lou."

or

Louis can't resist Harry in the red shorts that he wore during the James Corden skit. Featuring locker room sex.

don't let nobody touch it (unless that somebody's me) by stylescantstop

written for this prompt:

"louis knows Harry gets handsy when he's drunk, but that doesn't stop him from showing harry who he belongs to."

or the one where harry dances with other men and a jealous louis reminds him he's the only one who can make him come completely apart.

causing trouble up in hotel rooms (baby, I'm perfect) by felixandtae

A fan threw a Green Bay Packers crop top on stage and Harry kept it. We all know what happened after that.

sweet like cinnamon by brainwaves for SuburbanWarrior

It all started with bumping into Louis at Gemma’s mate’s wedding. Well, maybe it really started with Harry making heart eyes at the boy in jersey number 17 all those years ago. Now all he can think about is getting into Louis’ pants and maybe staying there for a really, really long time.

Or the one where Harry calls Louis daddy and it all spirals out of control from there.

Fulfilling Your Needs by unmeshed

“You want to be messy, baby? Filled with Daddy’s come? So much that you can barely hold it all in?"

Harry nods softly and Louis leans in to kiss him on the lips with a smile. “Want Daddy to plug you up after? Keep it inside of you all day?"

“Lou,” Harry whines, softly rubbing himself against his boyfriend, biting down on Louis’ bottom lip before he deepens the kiss, sneaking his tongue inside.

Louis’ll be damned if he can’t make Harry’s dreams come true.

or

Louis buys Harry an ejaculating dildo because Harry wants to feel full.

Like a Kitten by peaceloveandlarry

"Erm, I, uh, well, I think... I think you're really pretty, and I, um, I want to fuck you- I mean! Oh god. I- I want to go out? Yea! I want to go out."

Or Harry likes to wear kitten ears, and Louis happens to think Harry looks nice with them.

into another serotonin overflow by mercutionotromeo

Harry's the yearbook photographer who's been assigned to take pictures of Louis, the new captain of the football team. Harry's got a massive, obvious crush on Louis and somehow, Louis feels the same way.

Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey.

need a little sweetness in my life by mercutionotromeo

Harry's always liked feeling desperate and small when Louis touches him, but when he sucks Harry off...it’s fucking otherworldly. Desperate’s not really the word at that point - it’s helpless. Like… like the fucking world could stop spinning and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until Louis finished him off with his lips and his tongue.

Or, Harry and Louis go to university together. Harry really likes it when Louis sucks him off, and Louis really likes it when Harry calls him Daddy.

(Sequel to "into another serotonin overflow")

Cheeky Princess by Noelle1224

Harry and panties. What more is there to explain?

I'm Tired Of Using Technology, I Need You Right In Front Of Me by Phillipa19

Louis goes away on yet another business trip, but when he stops calling Harry to check in, Harry decides to take matters into his own hands.

OR- Louis is Harry's sugardaddy who has gone away on business and Harry feels neglected. Louis is possessive and gets a camera installed in their bedroom so he can check up on Harry, so Harry decides to use the camera to his advantage.

Got A Lot You Wanna Show Off Baby by Phillipa19

Louis had been in meetings all day, he should have known that Harry wouldn't be ignored for much longer.

-OR-

Louis is Harry's sugardaddy and his younger boyfriend is definitely not happy being ignored whilst Louis holds meetings in his home office. There may also be Harry in lacy knickers involved.

As always please make sure to stay safe and read the tags!! ❤ ❤

#Larry Stylinson #fic rec #fanfiction #fanfic #larry fanfiction #larry stylinson fanfiction #larry fic #larry fic rec #larry fanfic rec #larry stylinson fic rec #bottom harry #top louis #sub harry #dom louis #smut #I'm probably going to hell for some of these #ask lots #Lottie fic rec

[onthesandsofdreams]

Love Words At Night

Pairing: SanSan Rating: T Summary: “You know Little bird,” He spoke softly, not wanting to wake Sansa up. “I am one hell of a lucky bastard. I would never had thought that I would be here, with a wife – much less someone like you – and a child of my own. Words: 1101 Notes: Written for the 100 ways to say I love you, this one is specially dedicated to @thefeatherofhope, I hope you like it! This piece is from Sandor’s POV. Tagging: @mousedetective 

Read @ AO3

Sandor sat on the bed next to Sansa. Sleep would not come to him, so he simply sat and watched as she slept.

He still wasn’t sure exactly how he had gotten so lucky. Sansa had married him, and not only that, she had recently given birth to their first child, a daughter they had named Catelyn, in honor of her mother. Which is why now Sansa slept, she had been taking care of their girl and she had fallen asleep as soon as her head touched her pillow.

“You know Little bird,” He spoke softly, not wanting to wake Sansa up. “I am one hell of a lucky bastard. I would never had thought that I would be here, with a wife – much less someone like you – and a child of my own.

“If someone had told me, all those years ago, that one child would have changed my life, I would have laughed without shame. Because why wouldn’t I? You were a child who believe in the goodness of people, grown in a household where there was love and respect, who believed in songs and clung to them as if they were real.

“And I? I was a cynical bastard. I who had his childhood destroyed, first by my brother and then betrayed by my father in covering what Gregor did. Then I lost my sister and my father, and I knew that I had to get away. To save myself from dying, even if I couldn’t say it out loud. I knew pain and betrayal before I knew love. Because I struggle to remember my own mother, I do not remember someone like yours giving me any affection.

“Of course, I ran to put myself in service of Tywin. I had to survive, and well, Tywin was a stern taskmaster. I knew that he wanted a good warrior and nothing else, he would never tolerate that someone didn’t follow his orders, and well, I had no reason why not to follow them. I was already angry, so very angry.

“So I became someone people would fear, someone who they could not want to go against. I – suppose you could say, I put a mask on – did it to survive a world that was unkind to me.

“And then, my years at the service of Cersei did not made me change. Why should I? I knew that they saw me as a dog. I was nothing but a man who was very good at being a shield, someone whose life they could throw away.” He shrugged. “I guess that I thought the same, that I could throw my life away, there was nothing in this world for me.

“Then you arrived and put everything on its head. I saw you as I once was, a foolish girl with so many dreams in her head that she wouldn’t realize she was in danger until it was too late. You were the first to ever treat me with kindness and respect. Yes, you were afraid of me – I thought you were –, but you never failed to treat me with politeness, even when I was horrid to you.

“I told you my story and you simply offered me comfort. You have no idea how much that struck with me, all my life I had been treated as less, even by my own family. And yet, here you were, a child who heard my story and saw my scars and yet, you still found it in your to have compassion.

“Something inside of me changed then, that’s why I did what I could to help you. You were alone and needed some help, and you still were unfailingly nice to me. Treated me like a person, not a dog.

“And I repaid it with that horrible night when Stannis attacked. I came to regret it, did you know? I did my best to provoke your sister into killing me, even if I had bragged to her before about you singing to me. News of your wedding to the bloody imp nearly killed me. I didn’t know what to do with that, I wanted to rage at the whole thing, you were a child and that bastard was not worthy of you. Not that I am a prize, either.

“I felt proud of you when you escaped him. I really was. And then, my own near death experience and the help of the Elder Brother helped me, I suppose you could say that I grew up, finally. I needed to let go of all that anger, pain and resentment. There was no other way, I had to drink less too. I had to better myself, if not for me, then I would do it for you. Even if we never saw each other again.

“I was proud of you when you brought Little fucker to justice. If I hadn’t already decided that I would always follow you, then, that would have been the moment. You took down the man who hurt you, who hurt your family and you did so with so much fierceness, you looked like the wolf in your sigil.”

He looked down to the still sleeping Sansa, and with a hand he moved some hair that had fallen on her face, at the same time caressing her cheek.

“And then we fought for survival and somehow, we lived.” He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “It was hard then, to watch all those men compete for you attention. I didn’t know what to do. But then, you came to me. And we began to get to know each other again. Why should we? We had time, we did not rush to anything and I fell all over for you.”

His finger caressed her cheek again, then stopped. He opened his eyes and smiled, “When you told me that you wanted to marry me, I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t sure I was worthy of you, I am still not sure I’m worthy, but you had your mind made and would not take no for an answer. And I thank you for that, for this marriage has made the happiest man I’ve ever been.

“I love you, Little Bird.” He leaned carefully down to kiss the top of Sansa’s head. “I love you Sansa Stark, and I will do so, until the day I die. And if there’s a life beyond this one, if the Gods do exist and have something planned for us, then I will still love you. With every piece of me. Always, always and forever.”

#sansan #sansa x sandor #Sansa Stark #Sandor Clegane #ASoIaF #asoiaf fic #post canon fic #series: 100 ways to say i love you

[tokoyamisstuff]

Betrothed Ch. 11 - Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Chapter 11: Broken

Summary: Illumi cannot escape his past - but sometimes that fact isn’t all that bad.

Warnings: Death, Blood, Angst, the usual.

Words: ~2500

A/N: Sorry guys, this chapter probably sucks. When I’m working night-shifts I become erradic and can’t think straight, but I still wanna write, so...

Story Masterlist

No one knows what it’s like to be the bad man To be the sad man behind blue eyes. And no one knows what it’s like to be hated. To be fated to telling only lies. But my dreams they aren’t as empty as my conscience seems to be. I have hours only lonely. My love is vengeance, that’s never free.

- Limp Bizkit: Behind Blue Eyes

“Keep good care of Alluka, okay?”

He only nodded in response. You never doubtet him to protect her, yet also couldn’t help reminding him either after everything he’s been through. 

After all, his fear of Illumi made him forget about his locked away sister for such a long time...

“And you’ll be listening to your brother, right?”

“Aye!” the little girl cheered, pecking the flustered boy on the cheek.

It was actually very adoring to look at those two siblings who were finally reunited, now able to make up for the time they’ve lost.

The only companion you’d take with you was your familiar Luna, and you also didn’t want to rely on Alluka’s powers now that you had a hint to your husband’s whereabouts.

Your sister-in-law had been through enough, and she also was way more than just someone to grant wishes. She had desires, dreams and a future to look out for. Both of them.

Gladly, Killua could tell you about all safehouses in Yorknew City so the Zoldyck family wouldn’t notice about you prying around. That information was more than enough for your search.

“What are you going to do from now on?”

“Getting my husband back, obviously” you shrugged at Killua’s words, clutching the ace of spades you were holding. Hisoka had given it to you - infused with a powerful nen, you could contact him whenever you felt it necessary.

“I know that’s all very much for you...” Yes, Killua had struggled with his brother’s mental illness ever since his birth. And now to act like all of that never happened just because you told him he had a change of heart? It seemed almost impossible. “So take your time processing things. We won’t bother you until you’re ready.”

Rumpling up the boy’s white hair, you grinned widely at your friends before you boarded the airship.

You were already halfway across the ocean when you got a message from Killua, warming your cautious heart:

“I’m glad you’ve joined our family. Save him.”

Days passed by as you searched safehous after safehous, as well as every shady corner of the city. Much to your dissatisfaction, your husband had always been gone as soon as you reached the scene of crime.

“I’ll find him, no matter what!” you thought just before you reached the next safehouse, deep in the mountains surrounding the great city. He had seemingly destroyed the Zoldyck Personal Transmitter, just as you had - both blessing and curse.

The view was breathtaking, yet you didn’t bother yourself with wasting any minute enjoying it. Luna’s cry told you that you were near, and that was all that counted right now.

Because there were only three spots left, and what if you’d search for him in vain and he had already left Yorknew City? Your guts twisted very unpleasantly at the thought, making it a lot harder to climb the last pile of rocks.

And there it was - a small brick house, nothing more than a one-room-apartment with the most needed items to survive a short time.

There were lights on inside, you clearly saw them from afar.

Fearing that he would leave if he noticed you, there was no other option left than to surpress your Nen completely, leaving you defenseless against every possible threat. 

But when you entered, there was no one there - except...

“Oh?” As you stepped into the dim cancle light of the room, a small cat stumbled in between your legs, purring happily. “Who are you, sweetheart?”

Seems like Illumi made a friend, huh?

The thought alone made your heart feel like it’ll burst out of happiness as you pet the animal’s head, noticing that Illumi had treated it’s wounds.

Leaving Luna and the cat get to know each other, you roamed around the room, searching for any possible hint on Illumi’s location.

The house seemed to still be occupied, so should you just wait here for him?

But then, the TV that he seemingly forgot to turn off bursted the local news:

“The auction is only expected to take place in a few weeks, but the preparations are already in full swing. Even though everone is talking about the possibility of the Phantom Troupe blowing up the occasion, rumors about ‘special measurements’ have been spread. The organizers did not want to comment, however they assured us the auction will run safe and peaceful.”

“Organizers my ass” you gritted your teeth. Everyone on the world knew the legendary Ten Dons were secretly holding an Underground Auction, with the ‘legal’ one just being a distraction.

But now you could very well imagine where your lover has headed up to...

It’s the same every year. Many assassins would gather to protect the auction, very well paid by the Dons.

A very good occasion to start wiping out the profession of assassins completely.

Finding the place of action was no problem. A quick research and you knew that the tallest hotel in town was in their possession, where the assassins would probably be allowed to stay until the big occasion.

The hardest part however was what in the world you could do if you arrived there...

“P-Please, have mercy!”

As you broke into the building and entered the conference hall, the blood-bath was already in full swing, the true strenght of your husband unfolding in front of your very eyes.

“Sorry, but I cannot make exceptions” Illumi spoke calmly, hitting his enemy’s head with a needle.

There were twenty-five - no, thirty corpses laying around.

Did he really single-handedly kill all those highly professional assassins? Then again, you had never seen him go all out before...

Even though your husband seemed to have granted them a quick death, everything was a mess. Broken furniture, scattered bodyparts and puddles of blood everywhere.

Illumi obviously didn’t need any help, but the moment you saw another enemy try to attack him from behind, you snapped.

Before you could even comprehend what happened, your body had acted before your mind, leaving you only able to watch as the man fell to the ground.

That wasn’t right. Those assassins were mostly hunters, who arrested or killed criminals. They weren’t guilty or worthy of death.

And yet you did it...it was a reflex, your inherent wish to help Illumi being stronger than your rationality.

So you stood stock still as your husband turned around, furrowing his brows at the injured person laying at his feet - and finished him off.

"Oh? Y/N...” Why did his tone have to be so cheerfull, even at times like this? “What are you doing here?”

As if this was a casual chat, he stepped over several corpses until he faced you, while still remaining his distance.

You gulped harshly, even after all this time not prepared for this moment. “I-I was searching for you.”

“What for?” he plainly retorted, stepping harshly on one of the twitching bodies. “I’m glad to see you’re alright, but you shouldn’t be here.”

Folding your hands to keep them from shaking, it made your following words seem only more as if you were praying. “Because I want you to come back to me. Please...”

“I can’t do that, Y/N” he said and his pained smile ripped your heart in thousand pieces. “I’m too dangerous to be with you. I see that now. It’s no wonder you didn’t trust me back then - since I can’t even trust myself.”

Seeing your face stained with tears made him struggle with the wish to cradle you in his arms, soothing you like he always did. But he refrained from doing so.

“Don’t be sad.” He rose his bloodied hands in the air, gesturing across the room. "I found something I want to do. See? I’ll cleanse the world of other monsters like me and make it more safe for you!”

“Lumi...” Hearing this familiar nickname in your most alluring voice made him drop the facade for only a mere second. “...are you crying?”

“Huh? So that’s what it is.” Only now Illumi realized that he had been weeping as well, touching his face in surprise. He had already forgotten that he was able to cry as well."Yeah. It happens a lot lately.”

“Illumi, love-” you now pleaded, breaking out in convulsive sobbing. “You’re sick, you know that. But that’s not the right way...”

“No need to worry” he tried to compromise, pointing to his neck. “I used a needle on myself, in case my parents should get the better off me again. If I ever hurt someone innocent again, it’ll tear my aorta apart and I’ll die.”

You dared to take a few steps in his direction, but he backed off. “There’s no other way, Y/N. You’re the only one allowed to put an end to my life if you wish, but nothing else.”

“If I die, I’ll make up at least for a fraction of my deeds” Illumi thought to himself, his face now contorting to a rather mad smirk. “Y/N will be safe.”

You said nothing - no, you were left unable to speak.

Seeing the love of your life suffering so much was just too hard for you to bear.

“I’m not worthy of your love, Y/N.” God knows when he managed to appear right in front of you, but somehow he did, softly raising your chin. “I’ll never be” he added, wiping away your tears with his thumb.

“Y-You...” Softly sniveling, you embraced your husband, face wetting the fabric of his shirt. “You don’t need to be ‘worthy’. Love doesn’t work that way, Lumi. I’ll always love you! That’s up to me and you can’t just change that fact!”

“I could” he suggested himself, struggling with the temptation to kiss all your pain away. A needle could make you hate him, or even forget it all.

But he had promised himself to never manipulate other people or cut their freedom, even if just for their safety.

It was your own decision how to feel, or how you’d deal with it.

“Do you really still not remember, Lumi?”

“What exactly?” Your husband didn’t move an inch as you grabbed him tight, afraid he’d leave as soon as you let go.

“You spared me back then” you whispered, shivering as you tried to get a hold of him again. "We were still young, but you were already under their influence...”

Illumi clearly began to shake too, making you regret the previous words. Of course they would cause a flashback...

“Do you remember?”

“Vividly.”

Your husband must’ve been sixteen around that time - yet already a completely trained, fearsome assassin.

Who was his target again? He couldn’t remember.

All he knew was that the orders were to “kill the target as well as it’s allies and leave no witnesseses behind”. The job was precize, requiring to act quick to clean up every proof.

And then there was you.

Still in midst of your hunter education, you were assigned by your family to become the bodyguard over that certain politician, following him on his every step.

But now you saw it all in front of you: Illumi, with his hands firmly strangulating your airway.

He hadn’t developed his Nen abilities at the time, therefore having to do the job with his bare hands. And since you were the last one he had to get rid of, there was no need to hurry.

It was a strange feeling to have such a beautiful person writhing underneath him, piercing him with their pleading look.

Somehow it was a shame you had to die so early, and under those circumstances...

Just when you felt yourself passing out from lack of oxygen, you refrained from trying to pull his hands away - and placed one softly on his cheek.

Illumi froze, shocked by your deed. He had taken so many lives, made countless people suffer already...

But you were the only one who looked at him with such kind, sad eyes...absent of any hint of grudge.

You coughed heavily before you were able to corak out the question burning on your tongue: Why did he stopp fulfilling his mission?

"Yes, why...” he asked himself as well, rubbing the cheek you had just stoked. That sensation, the gentleness and affection of your touch was so foreign to him that he completely lost himself for a moment.

“Why didn’t you struggle?” he turned the interrogation around, almost forgetting about the severe situation both of you were in.

“Dunno” you shuddered, just now realizing that you had given in to your fate just seconds ago. “You seemed kind of sad.”

What?!? This must be some kind of trick!

“Does someone force you to do this?” The compassionate expression on your face scared him, making him want to run away from what he did not know. “You don’t seem happy to do this.”

“I don’t feel anything” the teenager scoffed, taken aback by your worry and care. “I am a highfunctioning tool of darkness and nothing more.”

"How sad...” You cracked a weak smile, and it’s brightness was enough to make him flee, your last words still spinning in his head. “I think under different circumstances, I would’ve loved to become your friend!”

You really were something else...flirting with an enemy that tried to kill you?!? Talking about being insane...

“I get now why my family was so much against our marriage...it’s a joke, really...”

It was a mystery how you didn’t recognize him right away, and how you only now remembered. They had to change all the facts, spending a huge amount of money to silence anyone knowing the truth.

Your name got changed, and everyone would have to act like you were their second child - because the one on the mission had died back then.

So the wrath of the Zoldycks wouldn’t caugh up with you to finish their job.

“You liked me...” Illumi let out a shaky breath, “...even back then.”

“Sure!” you now chuckled weakly, trying to brighten the mood. “How could one not fall for those eyes?”

“I tried to kill you.”

“You didn’t.”

Leading his hands to your neck, you wanted to show just how much you trusted him. And immediately, his hands, wandered up to your face, softly suqeezing and stroking it as if he was making sure this wasn’t just a dream or an hallucination. “You’d never hurt me, Lumi. I know that.”

And finally, he cupped your face, hesistantly moving his own closer to yours.

“Is it really okay for me to love you?” he whimpered ever so slightly - but you already pushed your lips onto his until they were inseparable.

“Yes, it is.”

_____

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#Illumi Zoldyck #Illumi Zoldyck x Reader #HxH #Illumi x Reader #Illumi Zoldyck x You #Illumi x You #Illumi/Reader #Illumi/You #Illumi Zoldyck/Reader #Illumi Zoldyck/You #Self Insert #Fanfiction #Writing #Arranged Marriage AU