#me n my lifes problems

[blujayonthewing]

pitched battle inside my brain between the part of me that's desperately shaking myself by the shoulders going "YOU HAVE GOT TO ACTUALLY LIVE THE KIND OF LIFE YOU IMAGINE INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING AROUND IMAGINING IT UNTIL YOU DIE!!" and the part of me that's clutching my face going "is this allowed? is this allowed?? is this allowed???"

#trying to plan a solo cicada pilgrimage and getting brainworms about it yeehaw #'making a lot of plans and never actually doing things in real life' has been a problem for literally as long as I can remember #but I also feel like I've developed a learned helplessness over the last several years that's gotten worse as I've gotten older?? #me age twenty: I think I'm gonna take myself to chicago next week because I feel like going to the zoo #me age thirty: am I allowed to go camping alone. am I allowed to do a solo road trip. I need a grownup #to be extremely clear I am very much allowed and this is not justin's fault and I don't know where it comes from #like I'll run things by him lowkey seeking 'permission' that I don't even need and he'll be like 'yeah that sounds good to me' #and then I STILL won't do the thing because like. my brain keeps insisting there needs to be a grownup in charge?? HELLO I'M GROWNUP #anyway I'm doing cicada trip solo BECAUSE-- the drive is so long I want to do five days because two of them will just be driving #and he can't get that much time off work right now #AND because I literally only want to Be Camping and Looking At Bugs but he'd get bored of a week of that he likes Activities #me this morning getting insecure and weird: what are your thoughts... on cicada voyage.... #him after at first not even understanding the question: I'm SO excited for you?? you deserve to get to go absolutely feral??? #I do.... ;n; 💕 why am I so scared to be a person....... #about me #cicada journey

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Izuku; I need a new psychiatrist

Aizawa: what? Again?

Izuku: yeah, they said that they didn’t think I was going to make it

Aizaw:

Izuku: I’m inclined to believe them, but I feel like even if you don’t believe you’re going to make it, your mental healthcare team should?

Izuku: not that I’m not used to this happening. I’ve been told by three psychiatrists and four therapists that they think I’m a lost cause

Izuku: one day I’d like to find a therapist or psychiatrist who believes in me thought!

Aizawa:

#this totally isn’t taken from my life #@ my psychiatrist: fuck you man #at least you weren’t as bad as the one who victim blamed me and caused an hour and a half long breakdown lmao #but still #n e way <3 #bnha #mha #incorrect mha quotes #mha incorrect quotes #bnha incorrect quotes #incorrect my hero academia quotes #incorrect bnha quotes #midoirya izuku #izuku problem child midoriya #midoriya izuku protection squad #aizawa shouta #dadzawa

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[fizzingwizard]

dear internet stop throwing pictures of beautifully toasted bagels slathered in cream cheese at me i don't have a toaster i don't have room in my teeny kitchenette for a toaster a toaster is a luxury here in japan as are bagels as is cream cheese

bagel places here that ask me "do you want that heated up" make me want to cry tears of joy even though all they mean is they're gonna stick the bagel in the microwave for ten seconds so it's slightly warm-ish but not enough to crisp up or melt the cream cheese a little

#food #closest bagel place to me has two options blueberry bagel or white choco chip #its fortunate that i love blueberry but anyway that shows the general mindset towards bagels here they're sweet snacks more or less #hard to find everything bagel or onion bagel etc #i havent been home since before covid but my primary reason for wanting to is i neeeed a nyc bagel #and real mac n cheese and real grilled cheese #and pasta that isnt spaghetti with something something cream sauce #oh and i really miss american bbq which means it sucks that i'll be going home in winter bahahaha #never expected to stay here as long as i have but otoh food cravings aside what real motivation do i have to live in the us #obvs my parents and i do want to see them and wish we could live close #but as for life in the us itself... living here is so far a lot easier in a multitude of ways #the biggest downside is my being a foreigner. gotta reapply for that visa every few years #and even though i speak japanese every day the business-style japanese of workplaces is totally different so im limited in terms of jobs #aaaand when im home in the us i have the opposite problem... i miss japan and japanese food instead xP #why cant i teleport that'd solve everything #fizz's life #why are people reblogging this??? X'D

[shrimp-stuff]

ok ok ok something that's been on my mind about Ai Di and Chen Yi & the conflicted feelings everyone (myself included) seems to have around them hooking up

obviously Ai Di taking advantage of drunk Chen Yi is bad. Chen Yi was clearly super out of it, and even if he did eventually recognize that it was Ai Di in front of him, he was still not in the right state of mind to be sleeping with someone

.....but—

it feels weird to even put a 'but' after a statement like that, but honestly, the context is so important. there's a big difference between, say, a sober person irl taking advantage of their drunk heartbroken friend under normal circumstances, and a feral gang member who has literally run people over for the hell of it taking advantage of his crush who is also a gang member and has flung himself at feral gang member (twice now) even though he's supposedly in love with their boss who is also a father figure to both of them.

like... it's almost impossible to view this situation through a "normal" lens lmao. also, most people irl are not in a situation where running away from your guilt entails going to literal prison for four years

so yeah, what Ai Di did was fucked up, real world or fictional, but I think it's okay to not bend over backwards trying to justify his actions when the context is so far beyond what is "normal" circumstances

#*proceeds to bend over backwards trying to justify ai di's actions* #i've just seen a lot of posts/discourse about ai di's decision to sleep with chen yi while the latter was drunk and it hit me that like #a. this is fictional. and b. it is so far removed from 'real life' that when you look at the full context... #it's actually kind of insane that someone so chill about beating people up/killing people finds *this* to be unforgivable #also the posts/discourse i've seen has been chill... this is mostly a me problem methinks #also also everything i said about gang members does not apply to kinn from kinnporsche. but that's my opinion lol #n e ways... as for ai di #that's my bestie and he did nothing wrong. he was justified in everything that he did #*said in the voice of mike's mic talking about mona vanderwaal from pll* #iykyk lmao #kiseki : dear to me #ai di x chen yi #chen yi x ai di #thoughts

[claitea]

spills a bunch of ns on the floor

#pokemon #pokemon bw #pokemon black and white #n harmonia #pokemon n #clai's art #did you know. that i like n. a lot. verrrry much #personal thing: i dont get why reshiram fits n at all? #everyone seems to have a preference about which dragon n should have but i dont get reshiram #n had such drastic motives because he was Lied to his whole life. ghetsis only showed n pokemon that were harmed by humans on purpose #so that n was blind to the fact that the majority of pokemon are fine with humans and like living with them #so while n had the best intentions and honestly believed pokemon were only going to be hurt by humans. and some Are #it wasnt the whole truth. the world n wanted ignored the Real truth that pokemon and humans can coexist with no problems if they try #so zekrom fits him better because it was n's Ideal world not a world built on Truth #protag with reshiram consequently makes more sense because protag shows n the truth. that pokemon can be happy with humans #maybe it is because i played black/black 2 so i'm used to zekrom with n and reshiram with me. but i genuinely dont get it #anyway thats my rambling about which twin dragon n should have #if someone Could explain why reshiram fits n i'd like to hear i'm genuinely curious about other people's reasoning!! #anyway. n my beloved. my first favorite since i played bw for the first time 12 years ago until emmet and ingo knocked him to third lmao

[derpinette]

TBH i kind of am into phonetics in a freak pervert way

#sorry i said that. but well i am... #GF that i make memorize different phonemes to pronounce for me so i can writhe in contentment <3 #amongst other things #that all dissolves out of my body the moment i enter my faculty & besides i am majoring in english #so my preferences are not really very present in the language unless you account for specific regional phonology in which case sure #but that is not something we will ever focus on i think... i mean in my level anyway Maybe if i get extra specialized later #my favorite sound ever in the world is the (voiced) uvular fricative ( & sometimes trill ) I LOVE IT so freaking KAWAII<3 #i only started noticing it like last year & have been obsessed with it ever since it makes me so. ^_^^^^^ HAH rawrWHO SAID THAT #this is the only nerdy thing about me not saying this to save face but like it literally is i am otherwise retarded in the literal way #when i was a kid i used to ask people to pronounce “ng” for me like as in ŋ & i would lose respect for them if they were unable to #they pronounce it as a hard N like that is clearly not what i asked make a little effort are you hearing impaired like. not that hard #it is literally the sound you make in “eating” “maintenant” like what is the problem here stop playing. yes that was insufferable of me #anyway but only for a brief time obviously i only held one grudge in my life which i let go as of recent #not against a person but something way larger ♯Peace♯Love♯Light #BREAKING: girl has the most normal common ****** ever >gets stoned anyway

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!! #i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰 #i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!! #its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

[winterrose42]

Finding out youre agorophobic is wack bc its like, if you dont know then for me at least you just go out anyway and dissociate the whole time feel like absolute garbage and take days to recover from a small trip to groceries and finding every excuse possible to drop plans with people until they eventually stopped asking and stopped talking altogether. And now its like, oh. Is this why going outside feels like dying. Huh. And i wanna go out and do things but the thought makes me vomit for a week leading up to it and i was told oh its just being dramatic so yeah cool whatever.

Now im like, okay i actually have to get to used to going out and being around people adn put things in place for the paranoia and anxiety and plan things in advance and i gotta tell myself about it and walk myself through it everyday leading up. And im an adult so fuck everyone i will in fact be taking my headphones and a fidget and wearing my rat jacket as a security blanket in 90 degree weather thank you. I am in fact, allowed to accommodate myself and set boundaries fuck you actually.

#winter speaks #figuring out i was gaslit my whole life on more than just yhe two things i was aware if is fucking insane #i have a lot of the same problems my mom has that she fuckin caused or ignored and all my life #i couldnt have this and this and this bc youre just copying me and usinh my excuses #bitch you gave me this shit and then described what you deal eithnusing vocab i hadnt learned yet #and i connected yhe dots and eent oh and instead of you being self awate enough to also go oh you just berated me until i shut up #its really weird living in the same house as someome that gave youost of your issues. and the relationships better and you cant leave yet #but working through things and tryung yo accomodate and take care of yourself and be justifiably angry #while hiding it from the person youre living with bc all you wantbyo do is scream at them and ask them why and istead #youre asking if they want coffee bc youre making some and letting them know therell be packages next week n sorry about that #is a fucking whiplash experience and im just sitting here like °-° i wanna smash things and scream #anyway. get therapy if you can its fun

[andy-clutterbuck]

Warning Signs | 9x03

#HELLO MY GORGEOUS OLD MAN #i was making a domestic™ gifset and i got distracted....... #so that will come at some point #Rick Grimes #* #rg #S9 #💕 Fuzzy Daddy 💕 #it's me hi i'm the problem it's me #he took his boots off and lounged on the bed like a french girl and i forgot what i was doing #i too would have ended up knocked up immediately i get it michonne #you're a force for managing as long as you did without it happening 😂 #i would have made like the time I was playing Life and had so many kids i had to get an extra car #FLUFFY REGAL SANTA TEDDY BEAR FACE #his lil scars #(◡‿◡✿) all the kisses #excuse me but The Nose™ #his N E C K #bram stoker wants to talk #here comes Papa Bear 🐻💖 #form an orderly line to test Papa Bear's bed #hopefully it's not just the mattress that's hard #that face is the actual Iron Throne #look at his big beautiful rectangle head i love it

[bylertruther]

when will said it was "strange knowing who it was this whole time" and "he's hurt, he's hurting, but he's still alive" was he not talking about henry? am i insane? did i misinterpret that scene? why are we acting like will is connected to anyone other than henry bro what is Happening 😭

that was henry that shaped the mind flayer into that spider-like form and it was henry that used it to possess will and it was henry's thoughts that will was experiencing against his will and it's henry that he's still feeling because the connection/"vecna's curse" hasn't been broken. they physically extracted the mind flayer from will's body, yes, but his connection to henry was never broken. henry can't exercise complete and total control over people without the mind flayer's power, which is why will has free will over his body but his mind remains connected to henry.

the characters, and by extension the viewers, thought it was the mind flayer behind everything, because they didn't know what season four revealed to us.

henry wanted to control will's mind and body—a complete and entire violation of everything will is. that was Not the mind flayer, and they tell us that more than once. with all love and respect what are some of you on about because you're starting to make me feel like my memory is genuinely broken or something lmao like i thought.... the big reveal was that it's always been henry? they literally say that? eleven, henry, and will all confirm it? the mind flayer was not a separate entity acting alone... thus will has beef with henry most of all because henry's violation of his mind and body is still ongoing... Where Are You Guys Getting Your Information From 😭 hELP

will's rape—because that's what possession is, he never consented to having his mind and body controlled by anyone else—is an important part of stranger things; both to the general plot and will's character. to say that will only has beef with the mind flayer and not henry is reducing what henry did to him and reassigning blame that very much falls on henry's shoulders. henry was controlling the mind flayer and henry is the one still in will's mind. henry used the mind flayer to have control over will. henry and will are connected. the show literally tells us that over and over again. when you decide to needlessly reassign blame, not only are you misunderstanding and misconstruing the plot, but you're also... not understanding what happened to will at all. like, what really happened to him and how that's used in the show.

henry very likely was the one that kidnapped will. henry is the one that will has a psychic connection to. henry is the one that raped will / possessed him if you prefer that term instead and used the mind flayer to do it. henry is the one that will still knows like the back of his hand, because henry is the one that's still in his head. it's not the mind flayer. it's henry. please stop saying that will doesn't have more than enough reason to want to kill his ass. please!!!

#rape tw #rape mention #triggering myself on main like a fucking dumbass but the worms in my brain are holding on to this one n gnawing at it #am i insane am i genuinely having memory problems am i the weird one #eleven and will can both kill his ass but don't act like henry isn't the one that ruined his life i'm— #i feel very strongly abt this bc i just feel like you Can't reassign blame in rape cases u have to see it for what it is #they're literally fake but. please don't try to absolve bad people like that #they're characters not people i know but. please don't do that lol. henry is a bad guy for many reasons and eleven and will BOTH have #reasons to merc his ass. we can say that it's okay we're not taking anything away from eleven by acknowledging the plot and the #actions that the characters have made like i promise u no one is forgetting eleven who is literally the biggest character on the show #it doesn't matter but also it Does matter to me bc we don't always see rape victims on tv shows or movies that are treated like will #and it just makes me sad when like. stuff that happens in real life (abusers getting off scot free) happens in fiction. bc its like ok cool #not even in the fictional world can there be justice huh lmao cool cool cool very cool and awesome and great love it #actually no im gonna say it bro yes henry tried to kill eleven twice but like. he literally raped will. so yeah i think will deserves the #final blow bro idc. idc idc idc will has to live with that for the rest of his life he has to remember what it felt like and what all he #did under henry's control like. he deserves it. let him maul his ass let him fireball him to the pits of hell idc idc everyone else go home

[jaredthebc]

N Pokemon and Shulk Xenoblade are in different games because god knew they would be too powerful being friends

#n harmonia #shulk xenoblade #N convinces him to get some god damn sun for once in his life #like for the love of god get some vitamin D #they would probably talk about a random math problem or some type of bacteria for HOURS #okay minor spoilers past this tag #except i kinda dont know the context so its kinda vauge #yes I'm imaging characters interacting even when I havent finished one of their medias #according to my Xenoblade friends Shulk has cult related trauma so I bet these two would bond over that #anyway people should draw them vibing and tag me in it thank you for my ted talk

[snekdood]

i need more friends that i can give the responsibility of perennial native plants and perhaps shrubs and trees to

#p sure my apartment complex would only be down with just me using like flowers n stuff...... but i got trees n shrubs here toooooooo..... #that produce fruit...... .. . . .... . . #probably why they dont want it #but goddamn thats just gonna make the squirrels worse if we deprive them of anything @-@;; #how to explain biodiversity and the cycle of life to normies who think grass is the only plant that exists @ google? or anyone?? #'theres too many squirrels' #'and that doesnt have to be a problem if we just let bushes and tall plants and more trees grow in places where theres vast expanses of #just grass' #'bc then natural predators of squirrels will be more likely to live here and naturally deal w the squirrel population till its healthy' #how do i emphasize how bad grass is to someone who probably doesnt even care that much about the env to begin with #GOOGLE HOW DO I GET PEOPLE TO CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT AND QUESTION THEIR ACTIONS #BUT NOT SO MUCH THAT IT MAKES THEM GET LOST IN THEIR GUILT AND SOMEHOW TRY TO TURN IT ON ME INSTEAD #IG FOR MAKING THEM AWARE OF THE HARM THEYRE CAUSING #and then they just shut down and try not to think about it until they keep ignoring it and nothing changes and hhhhhhhhhhh #oh and how do i do this to my landlord without the risk of being hated by him and thus treated Differently #my problem is i have no filter and i say whats on my mind so idk if i can be nice about it BC THIS SHIT IS P URGENT TO ME

[newfeeling77]

i finallyyyy start therapy tomorrow after FOUR YEARS so i need to make a list of the things i want to work on and im already seeing myself trying to come up with reasons not to discuss the weirdest stuff that causes me the most undue stress because i dont know how to explain my somewhat delusional behavior. like i dont even know what to call it and i feel like when i describe the things i picture in my head that cause so many issues they’ll sound fake. not sure. but if i could figure out why i do it and get it to stop ill be so much more free

#the last time i was in therapy i ran into such a wall #bc i only talked about my struggle with school #like almost nothing else n i have a lot of problems that affect my health n ability to function #that i just didnt want to talk about n now im trying to force myself #idk some of it is embarrassing and the rest of it is just hard to confront because i kind of refuse to believe im a real person living #a real life like everythings fake to me. #which from what i understand isnt good or correct

[dykefever]

guess who . is a bit lactose intolerant :-(

#i’ve been ignoring it… and well i decided to test it out and the results are unfortunately in ! #the main difference this makes in my life is that i will now drink oat milk in my coffee and have less cheese … heartbreaking #ridi is scoffing and laughing at me at that cheese line … #but also this hasn’t solved all my digestive problems idk maybe doing it long term will but personally i am #under the impression that my ed just fucked me n i’m not sure how to fix it anymore #because to be honestly no one food is a dramatic trigger even dairy it’s like. quite a bit of dairy in one day effects me significantly #otherwise it’s whatever anyway none of u need to know this ? sorry xxx #if any of u guys say i should try cutting out gluten too i’ll have 2 die i know :-/ #laura says some things

[leecherish]

whatever, can everyone go and be all niceys to me please

#cw alcohol #sad bc had to leave friend's bday party early due to Getting So Drunk #so now im hungover n feeling all sad and volatile and also tummy hurts and am anxious about skipping todays lectures #also i got upset bc a person ive never met (but is friends with the afforementioned friend and is in their discord) was mean to me #but apparently he wasnt even mean im just insecure and way too sensitive and misinterpret the tone bc of an emoji. #i fucking hate my life!!!! why did i have to drink that much!!!! #im 25 this isnt fun anymore!!! #i could have stayed and watched lord of the rings with them but nooo i had to leave #and to top it all off. Other Problems that are Bothering me and am going to therapy about #could it been the reason ive lost control to begin with? Maybe! No Idea! #shit sucks man. it rly does #tbd