Kay so I can't decide if she's a fankid of my OTP or a complete OC but I love her
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thinkin thoughts at 3am
warning for. The Situation
the problem with all of this anger that i hold in my heart right now is that i feel like it's not anger, not really. i feel like i could maybe return to dteam content. i had so much love for him, for the three of them, that i can't even really handle speaking badly of them, even though he's done so much. that seems so trite and strange right? but like. i've been groomed, for real. the stuff he confirmed wasn't grooming, though it certainly wasn't ethical in the slightest. i'd never say he was justified in using the clout that he had, no matter how little it was, to gain an upper hand on young fans. that's not okay in any sense. i'm beyond hurt that he's just... tossing that to the side as well, that we've defended him so much that he's willing to admit to something like that and then just brush it off and move on.
but i held so much love for them that it feels horrid to think anything venomous about him. the comfort he's brought me in some super dark times just... it feels wrong to just turn my back on that. i dunno, maybe i'm just too much of a bleeding heart, but can't just. switch up and diss him now. i can't bring myself to be mean to him. maybe that's parasocial, but i've done this with anyone who has crossed me personally, too. even the guy that did groom me, i can't sit here and trash talk him, despite all of those awful things he did and said to me, i can only really talk about what he did. i dunno. i'm just lost, i think.
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Thinking of maybe changing my blog name…
🫣🤔🤫
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...nobody fucking told me that the dyes found in a pawn guild shop could be used for fucking SKIN TONES.
I completed the game and all, god I am so fucking mad. Azie's been wandering around wearing giant red tattoos on her because there was no such option, c'mon, Capcom, why????
Whatever, it's done now and now I can put it to rest. I just hope whatever "Dark Arisen"-esque expansion comes along and makes it baseline.
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for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal
before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"
and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"
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okay i know we all have heard that watching tv doesn't burn as many calories as say going for a walk but like
what if you're invested in it?
you get excited when the characters do
you get angry when they get angry
suspenseful scenes and jumpscares
you're hearts racing you're breathing quick you're anxious about whats gonna happen
you tense up as the characters prepare to go into battle
all that's gotta burn more energy than just blasé watching tv, right?
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autistic shutdown comfort doodles,,,
been thinking about Raph needing to be small... and as always i love sunset duo so indescribably much :( <333
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I'm gonna say something mildly controversial lol.
Depictions of female rage never resonated with me. And no it's not because I'm not white or conventionally attractive blah blah.
It's because depictions of male rage focus on portraying the RESULT of the rage vs female rage portraying the woman herself.
Like think about it, every revenge movie with a man has extensive shots of him in action and you see the "evil people" (men and women) beaten up or shown justice.
But female rage often depicted as pretty women with blood all over them and even if they're beating up villains, the camera just stays focused on their visuals. I'd rather see the men they beat up and take revenge on than a shot that's meant to look pretty.
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